The famous baseballer, Jackie Robinson, he once said: “A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.” I could not agree more. That is why I try to make as much impact on my faces’ lives as possible. After all, they have done so much for me. It is the least I can do. Unlike them, I need not fear what people think of me. So I can be brave where they are weak. For I will just be someone else tomorrow.

Born in Russia to the Grand Duke Nikolai Kravinoff, Dmitri Nikolaievich Smerdyakov was treated like trash by his noble father and his working class mother. Young Dmitri was approached one day by Gustav Fiers, who was impressed by the boy's impressions and paid for a trip to Karl Fiers academy. There, Dmitri would learn to master the arts of disguise, vocal impression and infiltration, becoming the Chameleon upon his graduation.
He'd move to America and use his talents to pull off high-scale burglary, working for any group that could afford his fee, including the Communist party, Hydra or the Green Goblin. His elicit activity brought him into conflict with the Hulk, Iron Man and most often Spider-Man, all of whom had to act with great caution when the Chameleon was in town. After all, which one of them could tell if that unassuming civilian or their own ally was preparing to stab them in the back?
Dmitri has some mental hangups over his time with the Kravinoffs. He’s managed to repress the memories and considered himself good friends with his half-brother Kraven. In reality, he was more like a whipping boy and slave to the Hunter, and when he has to wrestle with those feelings, he can mentally revert to that scared little boy with no strong sense of identity or independence. But when he’s able to move past these feelings, the Chameleon has proved himself as a powerful, manipulative force, finding his place as temporary Crime Master of New York and member of the Sinister Six.
Scaling

• Spider-Man
• Kraven the Hunter
• Captain America
• Daredevil
• Deadpool

Notes
During one of Dmitri’s mental breaks, he began to believe that he was his deceased half-brother, Kraven the Hunter. So exact was the Chameleon’s performance that he moved and fought with the hunter’s skill and agility. This was an extreme fringe case and there are no other examples of a disguise altering Chameleon's capabilities like this. Physical and skill-related feats from this period will be marked with [KH].
Hover over a feat to see which issue it's from.

Physicals

General

• He’s taken some of Kraven’s potions, which extends his natural lifespan and protects from disease
• Kraven later notes that he only allowed the Chameleon to drink some of his potions, enhancing his strength, although not nearly as much as the Hunter himself

Strength
Unarmed Striking

• Downs a cop with a punch to the back of the head
• Boxes Alexei Kravinoff’s ears, flooring the bigger man
• Tackles and restrains Bruce Banner
• While posing as Tigra, he breaks Mysterio’s helmet with a kick
• Knocks Finesse out with two punches to the back of the head
• [KH] Kicks Alexei in the chin mid-leap
• Hurts Spidey with a kick to the face
• Hospitalized the Shocker

Striking with Weapons

• Floors a man with a suitcase
• Clubs Captain America with a fire extinguisher, flooring him for several seconds
• [KH] Smashes through a ceiling and dives at Alexei
• [KH] Impales a man with a spear, then rams him into a wall hard enough to crack it
• Beats a man unconscious with a pistol

Grip

• Crushes one of Spidey’s tracers in his grip
• Crushes a picture frame
• Crushes a glass in his grip

Other

• While carrying Betty Ross over his shoulder with one hand, the Chameleon uses the other to smack Major Glenn Talbot
• [KH] Holds a wolf away from him
• Carries and fires this absurdly large gun

Durability
Scaling with Spider-Man

• Gets up after a glancing blow from Spider-Man
• Takes a backhand from Spider-Man
• Stays barely conscious after Spider-Man punches him into what looks like a concrete wall hard enough to break it
• Takes two punches from an angry Spider-Man
• While emulating Spider-Man and clinging to a wall with suction cups, he takes a punch from the real Spider-Man but stays clinging and makes an escape
• Spider-Man throws Chameleon head-first into a wall, then smacks him three times, breaking his mask. Despite this, the Chameleon stays conscious and manages to run off.
• Gets kicked in the head by Spider-Man (dressed as Deadpool) but quickly recovers and puts Spidey in a headlock
• Takes a sucker punch from Spider-Man in the Spider-Armor MK III
• [Limit] One casual punch from the Superior Spider-Man knocks Dmitri out

Scaling to Others

• Gets tackled by the Hulk, who was shrunk down to a few inches at the time
• Takes three heavy blows from Daredevil before falling into unconsciousness
• Takes a backhand punch from Kraven
• He gets up after Captain America throws his shield into his back
• Stays conscious after Deadpool punches him out a window
• Takes a punch from Spidey and an elbow from Deadpool
• Gets punched by Whirlwind
• Gets beat on by Teresa Parker

Blunt Force

• Spider-Man punches Vulture, sending the villain flying into Chameleon
• Gets thrown many feet into the air, then falls back-first onto stone
• He jumps off the Brooklyn Bridge and lands in the water below
• [KH, Limit] He’s KO’ed by a woman with a wooden chair
• While disguised as Spider-Man, he gets grabbed and swung around a room by tentacles, at one point getting his head slammed through a concrete wall with no ill effects

Gunfire

• He’s not noticeably harmed after a cop shoots him in the shoulder
• Stays standing after being shot in the thigh
• Twenty minutes after being shot in the shoulder, he’s not noticeably harmed

Vehicle Crashes

• Crashes his car into the Hulk
• Crawls from a crashed HYDRA aircraft
• Unharmed after crashing his truck into a wall
• While piloting a giant Galactus robot, a helicarrier crashes into the robot’s head and the Chameleon’s control room. He survives the crash relatively unharmed.

Other

• He survives after being poisoned and being left in a burning bar by the Punisher
• When Captain America breaks one of Chameleon’s stun guns, the resulting blast melts his rubber face mask, burning him
• He eats a full plate of ambien-laced cookies baked by Aunt May
• Spider-Man webs up a big gun that the Chameleon was using, causing it to blow up in his face. Dmitri gets up right after.

Agility

• Dodges some charges from Hammerhead, first with a sidestep, then by flipping over the mobster
• [KH] Dodges a tackle attempt from Alexei Kravinoff
• He lands hits on Spider-Man pretty easily once the hero loses his spider-sense

Skill

Impersonation
General

• When posing as someone, the Chameleon copies their gait and posture
• When emulating J. Jonah Jameson, not only does the Chameleon copy his personality, mannerisms and body language, but he copies Jonah’s writing style so he can turn in editorials at the Daily Bugle
• [Limit] In 2009, he took the form of Barack Obama and attempted to get sworn in as the POTUS. However, Spider-Man asked the fake and the real Obama a question that only the real Obama would know the answer to, outing the Chameleon as an imposter.
• Mimics Tigra perfectly, replicating her movements, voice and microexpressions
• When posing as a zombie Ezekiel Sims, Chameleon does something to make himself smell like a long-dead corpse

Voices

• Skilled in vocal emulation
• He perfectly emulates voices over the course of minutes after listening to audio recordings or the voices of his hostages
• While posing as the Paris police director, he fools a voice recognition system designed by Henry Pym, allowing him access into an Avengers headquarters
• Can emulate mechanized voices, like Doc Ock’s from when he was a cyborg

Limits

• Betty Ross sees through Dmitri’s Bruce Banner disguise thanks to her female intuition
• Daredevil sees through the Chameleon’s disguises because he can hear Dmitri’s distinct heartbeat
• Spider-Man’s Spider-Armor MK III has a Daredevil-inspired feature built in to the helmet that allows Peter to track Chameleon’s specific heartbeat. This allows him to see through the villain’s disguises.

Combat

• [KH] Fights evenly with Alexei Kravinoff before restraining him with a rope
• Off-panel, he killed a SHIELD agent and a doctor with a pen
• Shanks Superior Spider-Man in the neck with a pen
• While disguised as Spider-Man, he brawls hand-to-hand with Deadpool
• [Limit] Lost a fight to Mary Jane Watson with a baseball bat
• [KH] Slashes two mens’ throats with a single swipe of a spoon

Other

• [KH] Performs a handstand on a tree stump
• Using Klawe’s sound cannon, he blasts MODOK’s psionic blaster, disabling the head’s main weapon
• Leaps from a second story and lands on an awning to break his fall
• Jumps from the back of an aircraft onto the hood of a pursuing flying car
• Nick Fury boots Dmitri off of a flying car, but the villain manages to grab a ladder on a nearby aircraft
• Cracks a locked vault door, possibly using a stethoscope
• Pilots a giant LMD modeled to look like Galactus
• (Poorly) pilots the Iron Man Model 4 before being dropped by an alternate-universe Ghost Rider

Disguises

Realistic Masks

• Originally, the Chameleon employed realistic masks and hairpieces to disguise himself as individuals. He kept these pieces in a multi-pocketed vest, allowing him to alter his appearance on the fly
• After getting one quick glance at Thunderbolt Ross, the Chameleon is able to make a perfect mask of the general’s face in a matter of minutes
• When the Hulk is tearing the Chameleon’s car apart, he quickly changes into the guise of Rick Jones to calm the Hulk, then manipulate him into breaking a friend out of prison
• At one point, he used a gun that squirts fast-drying fluid, which kills victims via suffocation and leaves the Chameleon with a perfect mask of their face
• He once wore four masks layered on top of his plain, white one

Malleable Flesh

• He gets a procedure done to his body that makes his flesh completely malleable, changing in response to electrical stimuli. He also had a specially designed costume that reacted the same way to stimuli. The final piece was a control system built into a belt that could memorize and store any face that the Chameleon encountered. All of these pieces allowed the Chameleon to completely copy someone’s appearance and replicate it through thought alone.
• This exact method of changing his face depends on the comic's art style
  • Most often, the change just occurs instantly between panels
  • It can happens in a flash of light
  • Dmitri's features can melt and morph before reforming into a new face
  • The features can “slide across Chameleon’s head horizontally
• After looking at a photograph of a man, the Chameleon completely embodies him in moments
• When begging for his life, he rapidly switches between a dozen different faces
• When he’s knocked unconscious, his face relaxes and goes back to how it normally looks
• Once made a game out of pretending to be a civilian in need, then attacking Spider-Man when the hero helps him
• [Limit] One time, a very serious Spider-Man shocked and frightened the Chameleon so badly that he let his disguise drop

Other Methods

• Uses convincing costumes when posing as superheroes or supervillains
• Disguises himself as a Statue of Liberty street performer
• Some kind of hidden device emits mist, allowing the Chameleon to change masks and outfits
• Carries a canister of chemical gas that instantly changes the color of his clothing
• Later on, he wears a suit that allows him to instantly change his facial appearance and clothing
  • After confronting Spidey in public and taking a blow from the wall-crawler, the Chameleon assumes the form of a defenseless, old lady to turn the public against the hero
• A high-tech costume can resemble any article of clothing that the Chameleon can think of
• When appearing as someone much bigger than he is, like the Kingpin, the Chameleon uses an inflatable suit
• Poses as a hostage, then uses a hologram projector to make it look like Doc Ock is holding him off a roof
• When working for the Superior Spider-Man’s team of “reformed” villains, the Superior Six, Chameleon used hologram tech to aid in his disguises. This let him appear as Loki, with his massive horns and Asgardian outfit being formed with the tech. It otherwise works more or less like his powers did.
• Most recently, the Chameleon requires the use of a serum to be able to change his features at will
  • As soon as the Chameleon touches someone, he’s able to look exactly like that person. This can also make the other person temporarily swap forms with the Chameleon (or other users of the serum).

Weapons

Non-Lethal
Guns

• Uses a dart gun that instantly knocks a man out with a shot to the shoulder
• Uses a chemical gas gun to instantly knock out Captain America, keeping him out for a few minutes
• A dart gun that leaves victims unconscious and foaming from the mouth
• A stun gun

Injectables

• A syringe full of sedative chemicals that KOs Spider-Man and makes Deadpool woozy for a minute until he heals
• A syringe hidden in a prop torch puts Spider-Man to sleep immediately
• He injects Spider-Man with a poisonous chemical. It brings on extreme nausea and vertigo, then later knocks Spider-Man out for two days straight.

Other

• Snuck into Captain Stacy’s room and administered a few drops of sedatives to Stacy’s decanter. This kept him unconscious all day, allowing the Chameleon to assume his identity and steal priceless pieces of art.
• An aerosol can of sedatives
• One time, he coated his clothing in an odorless sedative chemical. When Spider-Man grabs him by his jacket, the hero falls unconscious in a matter of seconds.
• Gas grenades
• He uses some kind of electric weapon on a shallow body of water, shocking Spider-Man, Husk and Deadpool into unconsciousness

Lethal
Guns

• Normal guns like rifles, a shotgun and a handgun
• A silenced handgun
• A revolver
• A double-barreled shotgun
• He wields a one-handed launcher that carries a variety of capsules, including cyanide gas canisters and concussive explosives
• An absurdly large, Liefeld-esque gun that blows up a computer station
• A energy-based handgun with explosive firepower, used to blast a large hole through Deadpool’s torso and later turn a concrete wall into rubble

Injectables

• A poison ring that would’ve injected JJJ with a lethal dose during a handshake
• [KH] Shoots Spider-Man with a poison dart that would’ve killed him in ten minutes if he didn’t take the antidote

Other

• Usually carries a dagger or other kind of blade
• A grenade
• A small, box-shaped time bomb
• He once used a Man-Thing parasite to protect himself from gunfire and form combat applicable branch-like tentacles

Other Equipment

Field Gear

• Smoke pellets
• When posing as Spider-Man, he used a web-gun to emulate the hero’s web-shooters, although the webbing wasn’t as strong as Spider-Man’s
• While posing as Spider-Man, the Chameleon utilizes suction cup-covered gloves and a web gun to replicate Spidey’s wall-crawling and web-slinging
• A tracking device
• Nose filters protect him from a cloud of cyanide gas
• A jetpack with enough fuel to fly for nearly a full hour
• Typically restrains victims with rope and gags

Base Installations

• Uses a modified radio to send a message across New York that only Spider-Man could hear
• Uses a machine to swap memories with Captain America
• One lair boasts a chair that can be lowered into a pit of acid, used to destroy bodies
• Rigs his lairs to explode if they’re compromised
• He detonates explosives in one of his hideouts that releases napalm-like flames

Other

• He’s helped to design Life Model Decoys that look exactly like Richard and Mary Parker with the goal of investigating Peter Parker and finding out about Spider-Man’s identity. While the false Mary developed a conscience and defied her programming, the false Richard was outfitted with a combat form.
• He holds a gun to the head of a simulacra of Mary Jane. When Spidey determines it’s a fake instead of his real wife, it poofs into smoke.
• Robots that drive his escape vehicles

Miscellaneous

• After coming across a cave full of assorted scrap mechanics, Chameleon builds a missile from the pieces. He later says he “found” the missile, so who knows. At any rate, the missile is strong enough to KO the Hulk when they collide.
• One time, he inexplicably escaped from Spider-Man’s grasp and disappeared from the room
• He kidnaps Spider-Man and imprisons him in Ravencroft Asylum. He then unmasks the hero, puts a realistic mask and straightjacket on him and attempts to gaslight Peter, through the use of psychoactive drugs and fabricated evidence, into believing he’s another man named Herbert Smith. This ruse does convince Peter for a good while until he later remembers his life with Mary Jane.
• He implies that he might be able to disguise his psyche from the telepathic X-Men member, No-Girl, although the claim is not actually proven
• Off-panel, he killed a man, cut off his face and used it for a temporary mask

Monica Rappaccini: I apologize for the delay in initial payment, but we first had to verify your identity. A.I.M.’s intel had been that the Chameleon was dead- or in an insane asylum.
Chameleon: Yes, well. That would be exactly what I wanted you to think. Faded into the background, imperceptible… that’s where a Chameleon is most comfortable… and where I shall now return.

https://imgur.com/a/90sSu85
https://imgur.com/a/zcdlQxT

Slender Man ain't got shit on my swag! Yoloooooooooooo!

RESPECT MARKIPLIER

In the words of Wilford Warfstache, Markiplier is a world-famous and incredibly handsome YouTuber. Since abandoning his engineering studies, he's gone on to become a successful internet celebrity who has had all kinds of misadventures with pals like [Wade Barnes](), Bob Muyskens, Ryan Magee and Daniel Kyre, Tyler Scheid, Ethan Nestor, Matthias, and more. Stalking, kidnapping, attempted murder... What's a few crimes amongst friends?

Sources

Not to be confused with [Date Mark](), [Heist Mark](), [Engineer Mark](), and especially not [Actor Mark](), this character is a fictional representation of Mark "Markiplier" Fischbach, the real life YouTuber, as he has appeared in numerous sketches and one-off videos over the years.

^{Listed Sources}

• 10000 Subscriber Special11 Sept 2012
• The Fall of Slender Man9 Nov 2012
• I'm gonna beat you with my Magic Katana Stick if you don't get to the LIVESTREAM!23 Nov 2012
• exams12 Dec 2012
• King of the Squirrels23 Jan 2013
• The Butthole Dilemma13 Jun 2013
• Who's Waiting Inside?14 Jun 2013
• Lets Play IN REAL LIFE10 Oct 2013
• Let's Play: Real Life10 Oct 2013
• Cyndago Killed Markiplier5 Nov 2013
• Markiplier's New Home Tour!!27 Jan 2014
• Standoff11 Feb 2014
• Markiplier's Debut Christmas Album1 Apr 2014
• Best Friends Forever6 May 2014
• Wade Loves Markiplier6 May 2014
• Markiplier's Magic Touch8 May 2014
• REAL LIFE MINECRAFT!!! ft. Markiplier10 May 2014
• Real Life Minecraft10 May 2014
• Jumpscare Friends12 May 2014
• How To Get Famous On YouTube (feat. RubberNinja)26 May 2014
• Baking Simulator: Markiplier Goes Insane6 Sept 2014
• How To Beat A Monkey At Chess: THE MUSICAL (feat. MatPat, The Completionist, Random Encounters)9 Mar 2015
• King of the Squirrels Returns26 Mar 2015
• The Way Too Serious Dance7 Apr 2015
• #SEXYMARK18 Apr 2015
• Top 10 Things Markiplier Does When Not Making Let's Plays27 Apr 2015
• Taylor Swift 'Bad Blood' (Parody) - LYRICS IN REAL LIFE23 May 2015
• Taylor Swift 'Bad Blood' (Parody) - LYRICS IN REAL LIFE - Markiplier Ending23 May 2015
• JonTron's StarCade: Episode 2 - X-WING24 May 2015
• Scent-O-Iplier: The New Markiplier Fragrance29 May 2015
• Markiplier's NEW New Home Tour!!6 Jun 2015
• Warfstache Interviews Markiplier13 Sept 2015
• Popcorn4 Dec 2015
• Markiplier Hit With a BRICK25 Feb 2016
• MARKIPLIER TUGS TOO HARD27 Feb 2016
• Soccer Physics: Think FAST Markimoo!!2 Mar 2016
• Surgeon Simulator IN REAL LIFE10 May 2016
• i wanna go home...10 Aug 2016
• soon13 Aug 2016
• relax13 Aug 2016
• the lonely instinct17 Aug 2016
• do a flip20 Aug 2016
• You're Welcome27 Aug 2016
• Christmas Can Wait8 Nov 2016
• MARKIPLIER (literally) SUMMONS CTHULHU7 Dec 2016
• CHANGE17 Dec 2016
• The Challenge Challenge6 Feb 2017
• SAVE MARKIPLIER14 Mar 2017
• Winter is Coming - OFFICIAL TRAILER17 Mar 2017
• click here if you want to see unending sadness 3 Apr 2017
• Markiplier TV5 May 2017
• FIDGET SPINNERS RUIN LIVES13 May 2017
• The REAL You're Welcome Tour9 Jan 2018
• Markiplier Is Real4 Jan 2021
• Lixian's Confession5 Jan 2021
• Marcus and Rachel's Confession7 Jan 2021
• Wade's Confession8 Jan 2021
• Bob's Confession10 Jan 2021
• Markiplier Is Real11 Jan 2021

Abilities

Offensive Capabilities
^{Magic Touch}

• Induces a state of orgasmic euphoria in Ryan, Daniel, and Wade, leaving all of them incapacitated after the fact. The effect works both through skin contact and through clothing.^{Markiplier's Magic Touch}
  • Has no effect on Bob, whose own Magic Touch appears to effect all in proximity, drawing them to touch him.^{Markiplier's Magic Touch}

^{Reality Warping}

• Can reach behind himself in a way that causes his hand to appear behind a person standing in front of him.^{Markiplier's Magic Touch}
• Can be in more than one place at once, with each version of himself thinking for themselves.^{Baking Simulator}

Defensive Capabilities
^{Teleportation}

• Teleports from behind Daniel and Ryan to in front of them.^{Markiplier's Magic Touch}
• Once teleported inside CinnamonToastKen's home after being denied entry.^{Best Friends Forever}
• Teleports while doing a dodge roll.^{You're Welcome}

Miscellaneous

• By smearing peanut butter on his face, he can attract and assert dominion over squirrels.^{King of the Squirrels}
• He can hear squirrels calling out to him psychically.^{King of the Squirrels Returns}
• Can appear demonically possessed while having nightmares.^{Jumpscare Friends}

Skills
^Piloting

• Once flew an X-Wing loaned to him by JonTron, but got side-tracked by a request for help from Ms. Frizzle to fly it inside Arnold to cure the boy's strep throat, before it was remotely detonated by JonTron.^X-WING

Physicals

Body

• He is attractive, to the point that his chest can glow with heavenly light when bared.^#SEXYMARK
• He has a weak point in his torso.^{LYRICS IN REAL LIFE}
• He's got some sort of STD, but is well-endowed.^{LYRICS IN REAL LIFE - Markiplier Ending}

Durability
^Blunt

• Remains conscious after Wade beats him with a golf club.^{10000 Subscriber Special}
• Dies after being run over by a bus.^{The Fall of Slender Man}
• Dies after being hit by a car.^{Cyndago Killed Markiplier}
• Being bludgeoned repeatedly with a large club leaves him unable to walk.^{Christmas Can Wait}
• Knocks himself unconscious by running straight into a wall.^soon
• Tanks being hit in the head with plates, beer bottles, and bricks, though it does eventually begin to hurt him.^{Markiplier Hit With a BRICK}
  • He is eventually incapacitated by Wade smashing a cinderblock on his head.^{Markiplier Hit With a BRICK}
• [Delta]() beats Mark into submission with a belt.^{i wanna go home...}

^{Explosive
Falling}

• Is left in pain after jumping off a ledge and failing to do a flip.^{do a flip}

^Freezing

• During a prolonged snowstorm that killed the entire human and animal population of Boston, Mark manages to survive briefly outside in the snow wearing only a towel before freezing to death He is then somehow resurrected.^{Winter is Coming}

^Gunshots

• Dies from being shot.^Standoff

^Piercing

• Dies from being stabbed by a small knife.^{Warfstache Interviews Markiplier}
  • It should be noted that Warfstache is a reality warper; he once stabbed a wormhole to death with a similar knife.

Stamina
^Fighting

• Throws many soccer balls at Wade in quick succession.^{Soccer Physics}
• After being trapped in Boston by a snowstorm, punches at snowflakes nonstop for 41 days, even though it only snowed for 40 days and 40 nights.^{SAVE MARKIPLIER}

^Running

• Chases an Amazon delivery man over a prolonged distance, at one point running atop water to do so.^{You're Welcome}

Strength
^Crushing

• Crushes a beer bottle in his hand.^{Markiplier Hit With a BRICK}

^Grappling

• Audibly snaps Ryan Magee's neck, with no effort shown and to no ill effect.^{Markiplier's Magic Touch}
• Is physically overpowered in the water by Darkiplier.^relax

^Lifting

• Once picked up and stole the Slender Man's grandfather clock.^{The Fall of Slender Man}
• Drags CinnamonToastKen's unconscious body through a hallway with some difficulty.^{Best Friends Forever}
• Carried Tyler on his shoulders for an unstated distance.^{LYRICS IN REAL LIFE}

^Pulling

• Mark and Wade are evenly matched when attempting to pull a table.^{MARKIPLIER TUGS TOO HARD}

Arsenal, Assets, and Equipment

Fame

• Once used his fame to allow himself and a gang of others to enter a prison to beat up Slender Man.^{The Fall of Slender Man}
• It can only get him so far, as bigger YouTubers like Ross from the Game Grumps can talk down to him.^{How To Get Famous On YouTube}
• His fame was counted on by the producers of Warfstache Tonight to improve the show's ratings.^{Warfstache Interviews Markiplier}

Properties
^Homes

• In one home, has a bathroom with a walk-in closet that contains an unstated dark secret. The third bathroom in said home is meant for occupants to be murdered by the serial killer known as the Crazed Butt-Stabber.^{Markiplier's New Home Tour!!}
• In another home, keeps a shrine to Santa Claus on his toilet and battle armour in the walk-in closet., has a front door with double locks to keep out the Butt-Stabber, a closet full of ghosts, and a room for corpse storage.^{Markiplier's NEW New Home Tour!!}

Intelligence
^{General Knowledge}

• Doesn't know that mouths are called mouths, instead believing that all of his facial orifices are referred to as "buttholes".^{The Butthole Dilemma}
• Manages to beat a monkey at chess.^{How To Beat A Monkey At Chess}
• Alongside Tyler, attempted to rob a bank, but it turned out to be a doughnut shop.^{LYRICS IN REAL LIFE}
• Claims to have once accidentally learned kung fu.^relax

^{Magical Knowledge}

• Knows how to perform the Serious Dance, which can summon Darkiplier.^{The Way Too Serious Dance}
• Through guesswork, manages to summon Cthulhu.^{MARKIPLIER literally SUMMONS CTHULHU}

Wealth

• Has enough money to pay for Wade's flight from Ohio to Los Angeles.^{Wade Loves Markiplier}

Weapons
^Firearms

• Owns two handguns.^Standoff

^Technology

• Owns a pair of dollar store sunglasses that turn reality into Minecraft. They appear to be set to creative by default, allowing destruction of other's property with a touch.^{REAL LIFE MINECRAFT!!! ft. Markiplier}
  • However they depict scantily-clad women is apparently horrifying.^{REAL LIFE MINECRAFT!!! ft. Markiplier}
  • When used with a replica Minecraft sword, they return a victim to their spawn point.^{REAL LIFE MINECRAFT!!! ft. Markiplier}
  • The glasses also allow for communication with Minecraft entities that don't exist in real life, but can affect it because of the glasses.^{Real Life Minecraft}
• Owns a microwave that can turn any food item into popcorn, including soup, HowToBasic-style amalgamations, water bottles, and human flesh.^Popcorn

^{Bladed Weapons}

• Owns a 'Magic Katana Stick'.^{I'm gonna beat you with my Magic Katana Stick if you don't get to the LIVESTREAM!}
  • While it may appear to be wooden and blunt, he did demonstrate its effectiveness by stabbing himself in the stomach with it.^exams

Other

^{Crimes Committed}

• Once embarked on a campaign of harassment against the Slender Man, stealing his drawings from the woods, tracking him to a mental asylum, waiting for him to become a teacher to steal his lesson plans, stealing his grandfather clock, and then stalking him in the city and beating him up in prison.^{The Fall of Slender Man}
• Has no remorse after (nonlethally) shooting Ryan, a friend.^Standoff
• Kidnapped CinnamonToastKen.^{Best Friends Forever}
• Denies murdering a fan and their entire family, but heavily implies that he has committed murder before.^{Warfstache Interviews Markiplier}
• Murders and cannibalizes Ryan in the form of popcorn.^Popcorn
• Once attempted to play 'Surgeon Simulator' in real life, which resulted in Ryan's bloody murder.^{Surgeon Simulator IN REAL LIFE}
• Murders at least two people to summon Cthulhu, which he admits was selfish, but still stands by his choice.^{MARKIPLIER literally SUMMONS CTHULHU}

^{Personality Quirks}

• Is stunned when someone is unexpectedly shot to death next to him.^{Who's Waiting Inside?}
• Doesn't trust a close friend when he suggests they both put down their guns.^Standoff
• He once bullied Ethan to the point that the latter wanted to murder him.^CHANGE
• Dresses sexily to go play Pokémon Go.^{the lonely instinct}
• Is understandably horrified after finding his own head in a box.^{You're Welcome}
• Literally loses his mind after Chica dies in a frozen Boston, leading him to eschew clothing and embrace eating dog food.^{Winter is Coming}
• Figuratively loses his mind after his friends insist on celebrating Wade's birthday rather than acknowledging a new subscriber milestone of his own.^{click here if you want to see unending sadness}
• Sobs uncontrollably over losing YouTube subscribers.^{Markiplier TV}
• He's completely willing to leave people to die and force them from safety if he thinks it will improve his chances of survival.^{The REAL You're Welcome Tour}

^Merchandise

• Sold a Christmas Album, whose profits can be burnt to prevent the evil Santa Claus from awakening from his sleep before Christmas passes.^{Markiplier's Debut Christmas Album}
• Sells Scent-O-Iplier, a perfume with an illegal formula that changes a person's voice to sound like Markiplier's. The formula includes the seventh dildo of a dragon, an aardvark's asshole, a fart, the laugh and blood of a newly-born fawn, and Markiplier's drool.^{Scent-O-Iplier: The New Markiplier Fragrance}
• Sells Mark Bop, an album of Simlish-style covers of 90s hits.^{Markiplier TV}
  • The recording sessions seem to have been conducted under sub-optimal situations.^{Markiplier TV}

^{Miscellaneous}

• Eats salsa on plain bread.^{The Butthole Dilemma}
• Once played Matthias' copy of the video game 'Real Life', which generated a realistic avatar of Mark and places it into real life. This allows the player to commit murder and robbery, with some added time-related reality warping with cutscenes. The duplicate is outwardly identical to the real individual, to both Matthias' and Mark's eyes.^{Lets Play IN REAL LIFE, Let's Play: Real Life}
• The top 10 things Markiplier does in his spare time are, staring at his own YouTube channel,, watching his own videos, taking selfies, giving himself self-motivation, regretting not having become an engineer, creating millions of fake YouTube accounts to subscribe to himself with, stealing ideas from other YouTubers, seeing who recognizes him in public, praying to Brian Regan, and appreciating his fans.^{Top 10 Things Markiplier Does When Not Making Let's Plays}
• Once ran out of popular internet challenges to perform, and was forced to resort to thinking of random activities that could be labelled as a "challenge."^{The Challenge Challenge}
• Has a drug-like addiction to fidget spinners, which get him high and cause physical mutations over a period of weeks.^{FIDGET SPINNERS RUIN LIVES}
• Isn't real.^{Markiplier Isn't Real}
• Is real.^{Markiplier Is Real}

New Sweepstakes:
end date / contest name
11/26/2023 New York Jets--Black Friday Sweepstakes
11/26/2023 Outside--Pinkbike Win It Wednesday Sweepstakes
11/26/2023 Audacy--Mariah Carey Christmas Flyaway Sweepstakes
11/26/2023 PureArts--Tekken 7: Bryan Fury Giveaway
11/26/2023 Ellen Shop--Game Night Giveaway
11/26/2023 Aosom--Black Friday Giveaway
11/27/2023 MZed--Black Friday Gear Giveaway
11/27/2023 Thomas More Society--Nativity Giveaway
11/27/2023 Early Bird Books--Modern Library Giveaway
11/27/2023 Keystone--Portable Air Conditioner Giveaway
11/27/2023 Seats.aero--Black Friday Giveaway
11/27/2023 Project Chimps--Chimpas Holiday Gift Package Giveaway
11/27/2023 Origin PC--Warhammer PC Giveaway Sweepstakes
11/27/2023 Boston.com--Gift Card Giveaway
11/27/2023 Extra TV--Power Of Women Gift Bag Giveaway
11/27/2023 Topaz Labs--Black Friday Giveaway
11/27/2023 Wyze--Black Friday & Cyber Monday Giveaway
11/28/2023 BuildASoil--Black Friday Giveaway
11/28/2023 Joyshaper--Black Friday Giveaway
11/29/2023 Guitar Center--Black Friday Sweepstakes
11/29/2023 Today Show--NYC Migration Getaway Sweepstakes
11/29/2023 Kitchen Mama--iPhone 15 Pro Max Giveaway
11/29/2023 Outdoor News--Ion Alpha Auger Giveaway
11/29/2023 Kraft Mac And Cheese--Spongebob Treasure Chest Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Nick's--Minecraft Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Sweet Red Poppy--November Cricut Giveaway
11/30/2023 Hisense--Upgrade Season Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Peavey Mart--Moonlight Contest
11/30/2023 I Know It--Monthly Contest
11/30/2023 Pitbull Audio--Dunable Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Makeup.com--Ralph Lauren Giveaway
11/30/2023 Event Nerdz--Hawaii Giveaway
11/30/2023 Vissla--Mr. Equipment Giveaway
11/30/2023 Ashley Gets Around--Taylor Swift Giveaway
11/30/2023 Colorful--Thanksgiving Giveaway
11/30/2023 Save A Lot--Bacon For A Year Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Crua Outdoors--Perfect Camping Combo Giveaway
11/30/2023 Anycubic--Black Friday Giveaway
11/30/2023 Murdoch's Ranch & Home Supply--Ooni Pizza Oven Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Soundbrenner--Music Gear Giveaway
11/30/2023 Farmers Market Foods--Holiday Giveaway
11/30/2023 Chrome Unboxed--Lenovo Flex Chromebook Giveaway
12/1/2023 Connected Apparel--Holiday Hosting Delights Giveaway
12/1/2023 GT Omega--Sneak Gaming Chair Giveaway
12/1/2023 Member Press--MacBook Pro Giveaway
12/1/2023 Timex--UFC Sweepstakes
12/1/2023 Care Bears--Beary Merry Giveaway
12/1/2023 Sitka Seafood Market--Grand View Beef Giveaway
12/1/2023 Tillamook--Holiday Baking Sweepstakes
12/1/2023 Ipsy--Icon Box Giveaway
12/1/2023 Southwest Airlines--Trolls Destination Sweepstakes
12/3/2023 Dolby--Atmos Music Sweepstakes
12/3/2023 Fitarise--Complete Workout Bundle Giveaway
12/3/2023 Frito-Lay--$500 Visa Gift Card Giveaway
12/4/2023 Snapmaker--May The Snap Be With You Giveaway
12/4/2023 EDM Maniac--End-Of-Year Giveaway
12/4/2023 GMA3--Hasbro Giveaway
12/4/2023 Hachette Books--Sunset in Singapore Sweepstakes
12/4/2023 Solo Stove--Go Smokeless Giveaway
12/6/2023 Hachette Books--Screen Time Green Time Sweepstakes
12/6/2023 Clorox--Tabletop HEPA Air Purifier Giveaway
12/6/2023 Jimmy Dean--Officially Sponsored Host Sweepstakes
12/6/2023 Dallas Cowboys--Academy Sports + Outdoors Holiday Sweepstakes
12/8/2023 Stello Foods--Yeti Bundle Giveaway
12/8/2023 Truefire--Universal Audio Pedal Giveaway
12/8/2023 Andros Foods--Love Sweet Love Sweepstakes
12/9/2023 Splenda--Coffee Syrup Sweepstakes
12/9/2023 Popov Leather--Holiday Giveaway
12/9/2023 Lexar--PS5 Black Friday Giveaway
12/10/2023 UDiscoverMusic--R.E.M.'s Up 25th Anniversary Giveaway
12/11/2023 Udiscovermusic--Sound Of Music Giveaway
12/11/2023 Purina--Fancy Feast Feastivities Sweepstakes
12/12/2023 Foley Equipment--12 Days Of Giving Sweepstakes
12/12/2023 Lancaster Puppies--12 Days Of Christmas Giveaway
12/12/2023 Simon & Schuster--Purple Rising Book Club Sweepstakes
12/12/2023 Holly Holden Design--Hermes Tray Giveaway
12/13/2023 DIY Photography--Whitewall Giveaway
12/13/2023 Xbox--Bluey Xbox Series X Console Sweepstakes
12/15/2023 XR Workout App--Black Friday Giveaway
12/15/2023 Sony Music--Alan Jackson Christmas Giveaway
12/15/2023 Filson--Roughout Leather Short Cruiser Giveaway
12/15/2023 Joe Gillis--Ready Player One Book & More Giveaway
12/15/2023 Easy Home Meals--Holiday Gift Card Sweepstakes
12/15/2023 Wilderness Adventures--Cotopaxi Giveaway
12/15/2023 Hamilton Devices--iPhone 15 Pro Max Giveaway
12/15/2023 Black Sabbath Store--Sabbath Bloody Sabbath Giveaway
12/15/2023 Whisky Advocate--Top 20 Whisky Sweepstakes
12/17/2023 TN Shine--Rated Red Giveaway
12/17/2023 Global Golf--12 Days Of Giveaways
12/17/2023 Grand Ole Opry--Parton Like A Rockstar Sweepstakes
12/18/2023 Kim Komando--iPhone 15 Giveaway
12/18/2023 Zenbivy--Gear Giveaway
12/19/2023 Avon--Mega Holiday Sweepstakes
12/19/2023 Shipley Energy--12 Days Of Energy Giveaway
12/20/2023 Pfaltzgraff--Making Spirits Bright Giveaway
12/20/2023 Mikasa--A Holiday To Remember Giveaway
12/20/2023 Silver Hills Bakery--Sprouted Life Fresh Start Giveaway
12/20/2023 JW Marriott Nashville--Girlfriends Nashville Getaway Sweepstakes
12/21/2023 Pizza Wholesale of Lexington--Christmas Sweepstakes
12/21/2023 RY Outfitters--Winter Outdoor Adventure Giveaway
12/22/2023 Saltwater Experience,--New Year New Gear Giveaway
12/22/2023 Orange Music Electronic Co--Wish Granted Giveaway
12/23/2023 Enchant Christmas--VIP Weekend For 4 Sweepstakes
12/24/2023 T is for Tech--BHWW Basebook Laptop Giveaway
12/25/2023 Premier Guitar--Empress Effects Pedal Pack Giveaway
12/27/2023 Didable--NFL Football Jersey Giveaway
12/27/2023 Travelzoo--Travel For Tomorrow Sweepstakes
12/31/2023 Juggernaut--Solo Stove Portable Fire Pit Sweepstakes
12/31/2023 G Fuel--$10,000 White Elephant Sweepstakes
12/31/2023 Simon Premium Outlets--Simon Malls Holiday Sweepstakes
12/31/2023 Taste For Life--Holiday Gift & Winter Survival Guide Giveaway
12/31/2023 ["
Castrol RFK Racing--Holiday Giveaway"](https://r1.dotdigital-pages.com/p/20GN-19XW/rfkconfirmation)
12/31/2023 " Simon Malls--Holiday Sweepstakes"
12/31/2023 TrackBarn--Olympic Games Giveaway
12/31/2023 Staghead Designs--Wedding Band Giveaway
12/31/2023 Hertz--Drive Electric Sweepstakes
12/31/2023 United Cruises--1,000,000 Mile Sweepstakes
1/1/2024 Aviator Nation--Gift Card Giveaway
1/4/2024 Cricket Wireless--12 Days Of Cricket Sweepstakes
1/6/2024 Jones Snowboards--6th Annual Jones Holiday Giveaway
1/14/2024 Dream Vacations--Luxury Cruise Giveaway
1/14/2024 Xotic PC--Holiday Laptop Giveaway
1/15/2024 Best Quality Coffee--Volcanica Coffee Giveaway
1/15/2024 Bruce Lee Store--Vanson Jacket Giveaway
1/15/2024 Visit Rhode Island--Beautiful Rhode Island Giveaway
1/31/2024 Budweiser--Meet The Clydesdales Sweepstakes
2/25/2024 Eclipse Records--Apple iPad Giveaway
3/31/2024 Short's Brewing Co.--Mule Mug Giveaway
11/11/2024 Hendrick Motorsports--Race-Used Bumper Sweepstakes
Previously Posted Sweepstakes
end date / contest name
11/26/2023 Experience Abu Dhabi Sweepstakes
11/26/2023 Reviva Labs--Cornucopia Of Skincare Giveaway
11/26/2023 Lillian Vernon--Needlepoint Stocking Giveaway
11/26/2023 Audacy--Winterfest Flyaway Sweepstakes
11/26/2023 Festool--Fan Shop Sweepstakes
11/27/2023 Akron Sports Properties / Klein’s Pharmacy Beats & Seats Sweepstakes
11/27/2023 Win a FREE 15-inch MacBook Air!
11/27/2023 Wirsh--Subscribe Giveaway
11/27/2023 Holtz Leather--Christmas Giveaway
11/27/2023 Lemieux--$500 Shopping Spree Giveaway
11/27/2023 Cox Vet Labs--$500 Giveaway
11/27/2023 Big Dee's 5/A Baker--$500 Giveaway
11/28/2023 LifeCard .22WMR Confetti Giveaway
11/28/2023 731 Tool Storage Giveaway
11/28/2023 Win a HIZO G14 Pizza Oven
11/28/2023 Heybike Horizon Sunset Rider eBike Giveaway
11/28/2023 FX Networks--End Of The World Sweepstakes
11/28/2023 Jaja Tequila--Super73 Custom Bike Giveaway
11/29/2023 Go Overboard Kicker Marine Audio
11/29/2023 Alex Ovechkin Stick Giveaway
11/30/2023 Irish Shop 10k Yellow Gold Crystal Irish Shamrock Necklace Giveaway
11/30/2023 Win a Year’s Supply of Pro V1 or Pro V1x Golf Balls
11/30/2023 Newton Baby Cozy Family Holiday Giveaway
11/30/2023 Epiphone Matt Heafy Origins Les Paul Giveaway
11/30/2023 Shop Across Texas San Angelo Getaway Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Win a Niagara Falls Getaway
11/30/2023 The Black Star Boots giveaway
11/30/2023 Brownells/FRN ATN X-Sight 5 Giveaway
11/30/2023 Win A Custom Compact Complete Handgun & A Custom 5.56 NATO Complete Rifle Featuring Tyrant Designs And Fortis Manufacturing
11/30/2023 All 6 Black Box Eastwood Pedals Giveaway
11/30/2023 INSP’s Get Cookin’ Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Type 2 Diabetes Diabetes Awareness Month Giveaway
11/30/2023 Discover the Magic of Europe’s Danube River Giveaway
11/30/2023 Win A Trip To Italy For Two
11/30/2023 Free Apple Watch Series 5 from TekReplay Giveaway
11/30/2023 Dreamscape Sci-fi and Fantasy Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Saints Keys to the Dome Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Turtle Beach Roccat Giveaway
11/30/2023 Wonder Pack Giveaway
11/30/2023 Nitecore MT2A + NWL20 Giveaway
11/30/2023 Lancôme Holiday Skincare Routine Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Tarte Shape Tape Giveaway
11/30/2023 Olight Arkfeld Pro Flashlight Giveaway
11/30/2023 Brand Avalanche Media’s “Giving Thanks $14K Giveaway
11/30/2023 Win $100 And $50 Amazon Gift Cards
11/30/2023 Gunprime Beretta Waterfowl Giveaway
11/30/2023 Home Science Tools--Microscope Giveaway
11/30/2023 JB Tools--Jackson Safety Welding Helmet Giveaway
11/30/2023 Solange & Frances--Home Decor For The Holidays Giveaway
11/30/2023 Bold Aviator--Biggest Giveaway Yet
11/30/2023 Nook & Nova--$100 Gift Card Giveaway
11/30/2023 Do Stuff Meida--Gibson Garage Getaway Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Southwest Boulder & Stone--Tumbling Compost Bin Giveaway
11/30/2023 C-A-L Ranch--November Giveaway
11/30/2023 Terry Bicycles--Holiday Kit Giveaway
11/30/2023 4FRNT--Complete Kit Giveaway
11/30/2023 Midwest Outdoors--TackleDirect.com November Gear Giveaway
11/30/2023 Westcott--November Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 AC/DC Official Store--Autumn Giveaway
11/30/2023 Ekoi--Black Friday Giveaway
11/30/2023 Hotel Versailles--Escape to Boutique Hotel Versailles Giveaway
11/30/2023 Backyard Expressions--A Welcome Porch Swing Giveaway
11/30/2023 SingleTree Lane--Wardrobe Giveaway
11/30/2023 Dooney & Bourke--Holiday Gift Guide Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 FaderPro--Behringer Pro-1 Giveaway
12/1/2023 Bake from Scratch Fall Baking Giveaway
12/1/2023 Dailydig Pamper Yourself With $1000 Giveaway
12/1/2023 November Amaryllis Giveaway
12/1/2023 The San Pluto Show--Presonus Audio Interface Giveaway
12/1/2023 Logitech--McLaren G Challenge Giveaway
12/2/2023 Win a 4-Night Luxury Getaway in Montego Bay, Jamaica
12/3/2023 Nashville Tourism--Big Bash
12/3/2023 Funkin Cocktails--Friendsgiving Giveaway
12/4/2023 Bottega Veneta Small Jodie Bags Giveaway
12/4/2023 Intel Gaming--Robocop Custom PC Sweepstakes
12/5/2023 Harper Collins Wow In Space Sweepstakes
12/5/2023 British Corner Shop Brit-mas Giveaway
12/6/2023 Kayak Angler Magazine--Bixpy Outboard Kit Giveaway
12/6/2023 Eastwood Guitars--Guitar Giveawa
12/7/2023 Intel--Holiday Giveaway
12/8/2023 Francis Coppola Diamond collection – Red. White. Merry.Bright. Sweepstakes
12/8/2023 Ole Red--Ultimate Getaway Sweepstakes
12/8/2023 1MD Nutrition--BreatheMD Giveaway
12/8/2023 Bonne Maman--Love, Sweet Love Sweepstakes
12/9/2023 Lehigh Outfitters--Keen Utility Sweepstakes
12/9/2023 Wine Awesomeness--Food + Wine Adventure to Barcelona Giveaway
12/9/2023 Wine Awesomeness--Trip to Ibiza
12/10/2023 Sideshow--The Child Life-Size Figure Giveaway
12/10/2023 Otter Outdoors--Ultimate Ice Fishing Giveaway
12/11/2023 BattlBox--December Giveaway
12/13/2023 Hamilton Beach--Air Fryer Giveaway
12/15/2023 Falken Edition Vanquish VS4-10 Phoenix Portal RTR & 1.9 Wildpeak T Tires Giveaway
12/15/2023 2024 25th Anniversary Hayabusa Giveaway
12/15/2023 Moore Mafia--25th Anniversary Giveaway
12/15/2023 Kraft Mac And Cheese--Super Fans Sweepstakes
12/15/2023 Wine Racks America--Holiday Wine Cellar Giveaway
12/15/2023 Micro Cotton--National Recycling Day Giveaway
12/15/2023 Gogh Jewelry Design--Luxury Winter Escape In Florida Sweepstakes
12/15/2023 Wired Magazine--Double TV Giveaway
12/17/2023 Nashville Tourism--Jack Daniel's New Year's Eve Giveaway
12/17/2023 Simon & Schuster--Beachside Retreat Getaway Sweepstakes
12/17/2023 Ipothecary--Super Deluxe Holiday Travel Bundle Giveaway
12/19/2023 Cat Crazy Channel--iRobot Holiday Sweepstakes
12/25/2023 Clubfitwear #FreeHoodieFridays Christmas Edition
12/27/2023 Win a Terry Bicycles $500 Cycling Wardrobe
12/30/2023 Bernick's--Rockstar Xbox Gaming Package Sweepstakes
12/31/2023 kidoodle.tv grocery giveaway
12/31/2023 Pink STARBURST Giveaway
12/31/2023 Gott for Good Sweepstakes
12/31/2023 Le Grand Courtage Taylor Swift Trip Giveaway
12/31/2023 Pabst Blue Ribbon--Tailgate Package Sweepstakes
1/1/2024 Brewdog--Fall Game Day
1/1/2024 Win Free Gas for a Year
1/1/2024 Country Living--Find The Horseshoe Sweepstakes
1/1/2024 Porte + Hall--Gift Card Giveaway
1/2/2024 Kenwood Vineyards--Sonoma Trip Sweepstakes
1/17/2024 Disney Vacation Club--Stay Magical Sweepstakes
1/31/2024 RCI Cruise Giveaway
1/31/2024 The La Marca Holiday Sweepstakes
4/1/2024 NHL Bell Canadiens Escape Saturdays Contest
6/30/2024 Tide Sweepstakes

New:
end date / contest name
11/17/2023 Forbidden Bike--Dreadnought Sweepstakes
11/17/2023 Paro--Around The Table Holiday Sweepstakes
11/19/2023 Brevite--Nintendo Switch Sweepstakes
11/20/2023 Flights From Home--Amalfi Coast Giveaway
11/20/2023 Pomelo Travel--Trip To Bali Sweepstakes
11/20/2023 Bend Soap Company--The Grateful Giveaway
11/21/2023 Cariloha--Black Friday Giveaway
11/22/2023 Mark & Graham--Four Seasons Giveaway
11/23/2023 Eastern Standard Provisions--Jumbo Yeti Cooler Giveaway
11/23/2023 Digital Marketer--Black Friday Giveaway
11/24/2023 Narwal--Black Friday Giveaway
11/26/2023 Audacy--Winterfest Flyaway Sweepstakes
11/26/2023 Festool--Fan Shop Sweepstakes
11/27/2023 Wirsh--Subscribe Giveaway
11/27/2023 Holtz Leather--Christmas Giveaway
11/27/2023 Lemieux--$500 Shopping Spree Giveaway
11/27/2023 Cox Vet Labs--$500 Giveaway
11/27/2023 Big Dee's 5/A Baker--$500 Giveaway
11/28/2023 FX Networks--End Of The World Sweepstakes
11/28/2023 Jaja Tequila--Super73 Custom Bike Giveaway
11/30/2023 Ekoi--Black Friday Giveaway
11/30/2023 Hotel Versailles--Escape to Boutique Hotel Versailles Giveaway
11/30/2023 Backyard Expressions--A Welcome Porch Swing Giveaway
11/30/2023 SingleTree Lane--Wardrobe Giveaway
11/30/2023 Dooney & Bourke--Holiday Gift Guide Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 FaderPro--Behringer Pro-1 Giveaway
12/1/2023 Logitech--McLaren G Challenge Giveaway
12/6/2023 Kayak Angler Magazine--Bixpy Outboard Kit Giveaway
12/6/2023 Eastwood Guitars--Guitar Giveawa
12/15/2023 Micro Cotton--National Recycling Day Giveaway
12/15/2023 Gogh Jewelry Design--Luxury Winter Escape In Florida Sweepstakes
12/15/2023 Wired Magazine--Double TV Giveaway
12/19/2023 Cat Crazy Channel--iRobot Holiday Sweepstakes
12/31/2023 Pabst Blue Ribbon--Tailgate Package Sweepstakes
1/2/2024 Kenwood Vineyards--Sonoma Trip Sweepstakes
1/17/2024 Disney Vacation Club--Stay Magical Sweepstakes
Previously Posted:
end date / contest name
11/17/2023 Rest & Rejuvenate in Portland, Maine
11/17/2023 Cool-Jams Pajamas For A Year Sweepstakes
11/17/2023 DV8 Offroad Bronco Skid Plate Giveaway
11/17/2023 YAYOMG! Graphic Novel Collection Giveaway
11/17/2023 OneBlade Sweepstakes
11/17/2023 Win Heatwave baselayers and liners from Seirus
11/17/2023 Smokeshow Cocktail Smoker--Fall Giveaway
11/17/2023 Weaver Livestock--French Door Showbox Giveaway
11/17/2023 Zager Guitars--Zager Easy Play Custom Guitar Giveaway
11/17/2023 Gear Junkie--Seirus Cold Weather Gear Giveaway
11/17/2023 Columbia Sportswear--Landroamer Parka Giveaway
11/17/2023 Engagement 101 Magazine--Platinum Diamond Band Giveaway
11/18/2023 DOODLE Christmas Swag Giveaway
11/18/2023 Wellbots--Black Friday $500 Value Coupon Giveaway
11/18/2023 SleepOvation--FamousPT SleepOvation November Giveaway
11/18/2023 "Ann Clark x Danforth Pewter--Holiday Breakfast Giveaway"
11/19/2023 Moments of Self-Care Giveaway Sweepstakes
11/19/2023 The Papa Rewards “Shaq-a-Roni” Sweepstakes
11/19/2023 Moon Guide World Series Sweepstakes
11/19/2023 O'Reilly Auto Parts--Holiday Cash Sweepstakes
11/19/2023 Lafco New York--Hostess With The Mostest Giveaway
11/19/2023 Natural Stacks--Fall Wellness Giveaway
11/19/2023 Sitka Seafood Market--Three Month Subscription Giveaway
11/19/2023 Exo--4-Plant Tabletop Kit Giveaway
11/20/2023 Bones free coffee for a year Giveaway
11/20/2023 Family Stash Bash Sweepstakes
11/20/2023 The Muffin Thankful For Books Giveaway
11/20/2023 Country Now--Luke Bryan Crash My Playa Sweepstakes
11/20/2023 Pianote--Roland Keyboard Giveaway
11/20/2023 Frank Clegg Leatherworks--Handmade For The Holidays Giveaway
11/20/2023 SainSmart--DIY Laser Engraver Giveaway
11/20/2023 Hanover Home--Thanksgiving Giveaway
11/20/2023 Flair Espresso--Pre-Holiday Giveaway
11/21/2023 American Tattoo Society $500 Gift Card Giveaway
11/21/2023 Lehman's--No Worries November Sweepstakes
11/21/2023 Sugarfina--Candy Land Sweepstakes
11/22/2023 Frontier Airlines Ultimate Rodeo Experience Sweepstakes
11/22/2023 Cooking with Jade Be Thankful Sweepstakes
11/22/2023 Free People--Win Your Wishlist Sweepstakes
11/22/2023 Simon--JCPenney Sweepstakes
11/22/2023 Lionel Trains--The Polar Express Giveaway
11/23/2023 Alan Wood Jewelry--Pumpkin Spice And Everything Nice Giveaway
11/23/2023 Tribesigns--ThanksGiving Giveaway
11/24/2023 PIMS-Coral is Calling
11/24/2023 Premium Dog Nation Sweepstakes
11/24/2023 Lush & Dew--Black Friday Sweepstakes
11/24/2023 Hachette Books--Biggest in Historical Fiction Sweepstakes
11/24/2023 Board Of The World--Turkey Day Supermatic Giveaway
11/24/2023 Balsam Hill--12 Days Of Giveaways
11/26/2023 Experience Abu Dhabi Sweepstakes
11/26/2023 Reviva Labs--Cornucopia Of Skincare Giveaway
11/26/2023 Lillian Vernon--Needlepoint Stocking Giveaway
11/27/2023 Akron Sports Properties / Klein’s Pharmacy Beats & Seats Sweepstakes
11/27/2023 Win a FREE 15-inch MacBook Air!
11/28/2023 LifeCard .22WMR Confetti Giveaway
11/28/2023 731 Tool Storage Giveaway
11/28/2023 Win a HIZO G14 Pizza Oven
11/28/2023 Heybike Horizon Sunset Rider eBike Giveaway
11/29/2023 Go Overboard Kicker Marine Audio
11/29/2023 Alex Ovechkin Stick Giveaway
11/30/2023 Irish Shop 10k Yellow Gold Crystal Irish Shamrock Necklace Giveaway
11/30/2023 Win a Year’s Supply of Pro V1 or Pro V1x Golf Balls
11/30/2023 Newton Baby Cozy Family Holiday Giveaway
11/30/2023 Epiphone Matt Heafy Origins Les Paul Giveaway
11/30/2023 Shop Across Texas San Angelo Getaway Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Win a Niagara Falls Getaway
11/30/2023 The Black Star Boots giveaway
11/30/2023 Brownells/FRN ATN X-Sight 5 Giveaway
11/30/2023 Win A Custom Compact Complete Handgun & A Custom 5.56 NATO Complete Rifle Featuring Tyrant Designs And Fortis Manufacturing
11/30/2023 All 6 Black Box Eastwood Pedals Giveaway
11/30/2023 INSP’s Get Cookin’ Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Type 2 Diabetes Diabetes Awareness Month Giveaway
11/30/2023 Discover the Magic of Europe’s Danube River Giveaway
11/30/2023 Win A Trip To Italy For Two
11/30/2023 Free Apple Watch Series 5 from TekReplay Giveaway
11/30/2023 Dreamscape Sci-fi and Fantasy Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Saints Keys to the Dome Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Turtle Beach Roccat Giveaway
11/30/2023 Wonder Pack Giveaway
11/30/2023 Nitecore MT2A + NWL20 Giveaway
11/30/2023 Lancôme Holiday Skincare Routine Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Tarte Shape Tape Giveaway
11/30/2023 Olight Arkfeld Pro Flashlight Giveaway
11/30/2023 Brand Avalanche Media’s “Giving Thanks $14K Giveaway
11/30/2023 Win $100 And $50 Amazon Gift Cards
11/30/2023 Gunprime Beretta Waterfowl Giveaway
11/30/2023 Home Science Tools--Microscope Giveaway
11/30/2023 JB Tools--Jackson Safety Welding Helmet Giveaway
11/30/2023 Solange & Frances--Home Decor For The Holidays Giveaway
11/30/2023 Bold Aviator--Biggest Giveaway Yet
11/30/2023 Nook & Nova--$100 Gift Card Giveaway
11/30/2023 Do Stuff Meida--Gibson Garage Getaway Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Southwest Boulder & Stone--Tumbling Compost Bin Giveaway
11/30/2023 C-A-L Ranch--November Giveaway
11/30/2023 USA Today--Sunwarrior Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Terry Bicycles--Holiday Kit Giveaway
11/30/2023 4FRNT--Complete Kit Giveaway
11/30/2023 Midwest Outdoors--TackleDirect.com November Gear Giveaway
11/30/2023 Westcott--November Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 AC/DC Official Store--Autumn Giveaway
12/1/2023 Bake from Scratch Fall Baking Giveaway
12/1/2023 Dailydig Pamper Yourself With $1000 Giveaway
12/1/2023 November Amaryllis Giveaway
12/1/2023 The San Pluto Show--Presonus Audio Interface Giveaway
12/2/2023 Win a 4-Night Luxury Getaway in Montego Bay, Jamaica
12/3/2023 Nashville Tourism--Big Bash
12/3/2023 Funkin Cocktails--Friendsgiving Giveaway
12/4/2023 Bottega Veneta Small Jodie Bags Giveaway
12/4/2023 Intel Gaming--Robocop Custom PC Sweepstakes
12/5/2023 Harper Collins Wow In Space Sweepstakes
12/5/2023 British Corner Shop Brit-mas Giveaway
12/5/2023 Laura Chenel--Wine Country Holidays Sweepstakes
12/7/2023 Intel--Holiday Giveaway
12/8/2023 Francis Coppola Diamond collection – Red. White. Merry.Bright. Sweepstakes
12/8/2023 Ole Red--Ultimate Getaway Sweepstakes
12/8/2023 1MD Nutrition--BreatheMD Giveaway
12/8/2023 Bonne Maman--Love, Sweet Love Sweepstakes
12/9/2023 Lehigh Outfitters--Keen Utility Sweepstakes
12/9/2023 Wine Awesomeness--Food + Wine Adventure to Barcelona Giveaway
12/9/2023 Wine Awesomeness--Trip to Ibiza
12/10/2023 Sideshow--The Child Life-Size Figure Giveaway
12/10/2023 Otter Outdoors--Ultimate Ice Fishing Giveaway
12/11/2023 BattlBox--December Giveaway
12/13/2023 Hamilton Beach--Air Fryer Giveaway
12/15/2023 Falken Edition Vanquish VS4-10 Phoenix Portal RTR & 1.9 Wildpeak T Tires Giveaway
12/15/2023 2024 25th Anniversary Hayabusa Giveaway
12/15/2023 Moore Mafia--25th Anniversary Giveaway
12/15/2023 Kraft Mac And Cheese--Super Fans Sweepstakes
12/15/2023 Wine Racks America--Holiday Wine Cellar Giveaway
12/17/2023 Nashville Tourism--Jack Daniel's New Year's Eve Giveaway
12/17/2023 Simon & Schuster--Beachside Retreat Getaway Sweepstakes
12/17/2023 Ipothecary--Super Deluxe Holiday Travel Bundle Giveaway
12/25/2023 Clubfitwear #FreeHoodieFridays Christmas Edition
12/27/2023 Win a Terry Bicycles $500 Cycling Wardrobe
12/30/2023 Bernick's--Rockstar Xbox Gaming Package Sweepstakes
12/31/2023 kidoodle.tv grocery giveaway
12/31/2023 Pink STARBURST Giveaway
12/31/2023 Gott for Good Sweepstakes
12/31/2023 Le Grand Courtage Taylor Swift Trip Giveaway
1/1/2024 Brewdog--Fall Game Day
1/1/2024 Win Free Gas for a Year
1/1/2024 Country Living--Find The Horseshoe Sweepstakes
1/1/2024 Porte + Hall--Gift Card Giveaway
1/31/2024 RCI Cruise Giveaway
1/31/2024 The La Marca Holiday Sweepstakes
4/1/2024 NHL Bell Canadiens Escape Saturdays Contest
6/30/2024 Tide Sweepstakes

New:
end date / contest name
11/13/2023 Columbia--Norway Trip Giveaway
11/15/2023 Blue Ridge Outdoors--Gear Up Giveaway
11/16/2023 Waterdrop--Black Friday Giveaway
11/16/2023 Among The Wild--National Parks Pass Giveaway
11/16/2023 Kevin's Natural Foods--Friendsgiving Giveaway
11/17/2023 Columbia Sportswear--Landroamer Parka Giveaway
11/17/2023 Engagement 101 Magazine--Platinum Diamond Band Giveaway
11/18/2023 Wellbots--Black Friday $500 Value Coupon Giveaway
11/18/2023 SleepOvation--FamousPT SleepOvation November Giveaway
11/18/2023 "Ann Clark x Danforth Pewter--Holiday Breakfast Giveaway"
11/19/2023 Lafco New York--Hostess With The Mostest Giveaway
11/19/2023 Natural Stacks--Fall Wellness Giveaway
11/19/2023 Sitka Seafood Market--Three Month Subscription Giveaway
11/19/2023 Exo--4-Plant Tabletop Kit Giveaway
11/20/2023 Flair Espresso--Pre-Holiday Giveaway
11/21/2023 Lehman's--No Worries November Sweepstakes
11/21/2023 Sugarfina--Candy Land Sweepstakes
11/24/2023 Board Of The World--Turkey Day Supermatic Giveaway
11/24/2023 Balsam Hill--12 Days Of Giveaways
11/30/2023 C-A-L Ranch--November Giveaway
11/30/2023 USA Today--Sunwarrior Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Terry Bicycles--Holiday Kit Giveaway
11/30/2023 4FRNT--Complete Kit Giveaway
11/30/2023 Midwest Outdoors--TackleDirect.com November Gear Giveaway
11/30/2023 Westcott--November Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 AC/DC Official Store--Autumn Giveaway
12/1/2023 The San Pluto Show--Presonus Audio Interface Giveaway
12/3/2023 Funkin Cocktails--Friendsgiving Giveaway
12/8/2023 Bonne Maman--Love, Sweet Love Sweepstakes
12/10/2023 Sideshow--The Child Life-Size Figure Giveaway
12/10/2023 Otter Outdoors--Ultimate Ice Fishing Giveaway
12/15/2023 Wine Racks America--Holiday Wine Cellar Giveaway
12/17/2023 Simon & Schuster--Beachside Retreat Getaway Sweepstakes
12/17/2023 Ipothecary--Super Deluxe Holiday Travel Bundle Giveaway
12/30/2023 Bernick's--Rockstar Xbox Gaming Package Sweepstakes
6/30/2024 Tide Sweepstakes
Previously posted:
end date / contest name
11/13/2023 Home & Hearth Holiday Giveaway Sweepstakes
11/13/2023 OM What Does Nature Mean To You Sweepstakes
11/13/2023 2023-24 Upper Deck X Nhl Sweepstakes
11/13/2023 Tailgating Challenge-Light Up Your Tailgate Giveaway
11/13/2023 Veterans Day Giveaway
11/13/2023 Organic Valley Thanksgiving Sweepstakes
11/13/2023 Stranger Things Day Scoops Ahoy Sweepstakes
11/13/2023 Veteran’s Day Giveaway
11/13/2023 HEFTY.GG’s RGB Gaming Bundle Giveaway
11/13/2023 iKamper--100k Giveaway
11/13/2023 The DYRT--Rovr Rollr 45 Cooler Giveaway
11/13/2023 Evo--Membership Giveaway
11/14/2023 Mediterranian Vacation
11/14/2023 Le Vian Platinum Love Stories Sweepstakes
11/14/2023 DICK’S Sporting Goods Holiday Shopping Sprint Sweepstakes
11/14/2023 Simon Teen--Ultimate Fantasy Fans Sweepstakes
11/14/2023 Ron Pa'lante Rum--Bose Soundlink Sweepstakes
11/14/2023 UE Pro--Jayda Hansen Giveaway
11/14/2023 Carter's--Gift Wrapping Getaway Giveaway
11/15/2023 Greece Unveiled Sweepstakes
11/15/2023 Win a Trip to LA to meet David Chang
11/15/2023 withinUs BLACK FRIDAY Giveaway
11/15/2023 Vansuny Thanksgiving GiveawayVansuny Thanksgiving Giveaway
11/15/2023 Mizkif Starforge Systems Gaming PC Giveaway
11/15/2023 Aftco x CCA x Mossy Oak Fish Camp Giveaway
11/15/2023 Lane Frost Fall Giveaway
11/15/2023 Penguin Random House A Cozy Fall Sweepstakes
11/15/2023 WTA Tennis--United Cup Sweepstakes
11/15/2023 Georgia Boot--25 Pairs For 25 Years Giveaway
11/15/2023 Ooni--Pizza Oven Giveaway
11/15/2023 Muslin Comfort--True & Co Giveaway
11/15/2023 Jagermeister--Tap 30 Sweepstakes (Instagram)
11/15/2023 The Lunch Ride--Great Gravel Giveaway
11/15/2023 Hestan--E-Levated Kitchen Giveaway
11/16/2023 Lot 22 Olive Oil $500 Foodie Bag
11/16/2023 Phantom Blade Pre-Launch Giveaway
11/16/2023 The Vanderpump Dog Foundation Los Angeles Giveaway
11/16/2023 Backpackers.com--Trekking The Grand Canyon National Park GiveawayNew
11/16/2023 BLVD Home--Tempurpedic Complete Sleep System Giveaway
11/16/2023 Cobalt Golf--Black & Blue Giveaway
11/16/2023 Penguin Random House--Carley Fortune Sweepstakes
11/16/2023 Penguin Random House--Bridgerton Sweepstakes
11/16/2023 Penguin Random House--Listen While You Cook Sweepstakes
11/16/2023 Anker--$500 Gift Card Giveaway
11/16/2023 Tarkine Running--$300 Gift Card Giveaway
11/16/2023 Berkey Filters--Gift Card Giveaway
11/17/2023 Rest & Rejuvenate in Portland, Maine
11/17/2023 Cool-Jams Pajamas For A Year Sweepstakes
11/17/2023 DV8 Offroad Bronco Skid Plate Giveaway
11/17/2023 YAYOMG! Graphic Novel Collection Giveaway
11/17/2023 OneBlade Sweepstakes
11/17/2023 Win Heatwave baselayers and liners from Seirus
11/17/2023 Smokeshow Cocktail Smoker--Fall Giveaway
11/17/2023 Weaver Livestock--French Door Showbox Giveaway
11/17/2023 Zager Guitars--Zager Easy Play Custom Guitar Giveaway
11/17/2023 Gear Junkie--Seirus Cold Weather Gear Giveaway
11/18/2023 DOODLE Christmas Swag Giveaway
11/19/2023 Moments of Self-Care Giveaway Sweepstakes
11/19/2023 The Papa Rewards “Shaq-a-Roni” Sweepstakes
11/19/2023 Moon Guide World Series Sweepstakes
11/19/2023 O'Reilly Auto Parts--Holiday Cash Sweepstakes
11/20/2023 Bones free coffee for a year Giveaway
11/20/2023 Family Stash Bash Sweepstakes
11/20/2023 The Muffin Thankful For Books Giveaway
11/20/2023 Country Now--Luke Bryan Crash My Playa Sweepstakes
11/20/2023 Pianote--Roland Keyboard Giveaway
11/20/2023 Frank Clegg Leatherworks--Handmade For The Holidays Giveaway
11/20/2023 SainSmart--DIY Laser Engraver Giveaway
11/20/2023 Hanover Home--Thanksgiving Giveaway
11/21/2023 American Tattoo Society $500 Gift Card Giveaway
11/22/2023 Frontier Airlines Ultimate Rodeo Experience Sweepstakes
11/22/2023 Cooking with Jade Be Thankful Sweepstakes
11/22/2023 Free People--Win Your Wishlist Sweepstakes
11/22/2023 Simon--JCPenney Sweepstakes
11/22/2023 Lionel Trains--The Polar Express Giveaway
11/23/2023 Alan Wood Jewelry--Pumpkin Spice And Everything Nice Giveaway
11/23/2023 Tribesigns--ThanksGiving Giveaway
11/24/2023 PIMS-Coral is Calling
11/24/2023 Premium Dog Nation Sweepstakes
11/24/2023 Lush & Dew--Black Friday Sweepstakes
11/24/2023 Hachette Books--Biggest in Historical Fiction Sweepstakes
11/26/2023 Experience Abu Dhabi Sweepstakes
11/26/2023 Reviva Labs--Cornucopia Of Skincare Giveaway
11/26/2023 Lillian Vernon--Needlepoint Stocking Giveaway
11/27/2023 Akron Sports Properties / Klein’s Pharmacy Beats & Seats Sweepstakes
11/27/2023 Win a FREE 15-inch MacBook Air!
11/28/2023 LifeCard .22WMR Confetti Giveaway
11/28/2023 731 Tool Storage Giveaway
11/28/2023 Win a HIZO G14 Pizza Oven
11/28/2023 Heybike Horizon Sunset Rider eBike Giveaway
11/29/2023 Go Overboard Kicker Marine Audio
11/29/2023 Alex Ovechkin Stick Giveaway
11/30/2023 Irish Shop 10k Yellow Gold Crystal Irish Shamrock Necklace Giveaway
11/30/2023 Win a Year’s Supply of Pro V1 or Pro V1x Golf Balls
11/30/2023 Newton Baby Cozy Family Holiday Giveaway
11/30/2023 Epiphone Matt Heafy Origins Les Paul Giveaway
11/30/2023 Shop Across Texas San Angelo Getaway Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Win a Niagara Falls Getaway
11/30/2023 The Black Star Boots giveaway
11/30/2023 Brownells/FRN ATN X-Sight 5 Giveaway
11/30/2023 Win A Custom Compact Complete Handgun & A Custom 5.56 NATO Complete Rifle Featuring Tyrant Designs And Fortis Manufacturing
11/30/2023 All 6 Black Box Eastwood Pedals Giveaway
11/30/2023 INSP’s Get Cookin’ Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Type 2 Diabetes Diabetes Awareness Month Giveaway
11/30/2023 Discover the Magic of Europe’s Danube River Giveaway
11/30/2023 Win A Trip To Italy For Two
11/30/2023 Free Apple Watch Series 5 from TekReplay Giveaway
11/30/2023 Dreamscape Sci-fi and Fantasy Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Saints Keys to the Dome Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Turtle Beach Roccat Giveaway
11/30/2023 Wonder Pack Giveaway
11/30/2023 Nitecore MT2A + NWL20 Giveaway
11/30/2023 Lancôme Holiday Skincare Routine Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Tarte Shape Tape Giveaway
11/30/2023 Olight Arkfeld Pro Flashlight Giveaway
11/30/2023 Brand Avalanche Media’s “Giving Thanks $14K Giveaway
11/30/2023 All 6 Black Box Eastwood Pedals Giveaway
11/30/2023 Win $100 And $50 Amazon Gift Cards
11/30/2023 Gunprime Beretta Waterfowl Giveaway
11/30/2023 Home Science Tools--Microscope Giveaway
11/30/2023 JB Tools--Jackson Safety Welding Helmet Giveaway
11/30/2023 Solange & Frances--Home Decor For The Holidays Giveaway
11/30/2023 Bold Aviator--Biggest Giveaway Yet
11/30/2023 Nook & Nova--$100 Gift Card Giveaway
11/30/2023 Do Stuff Meida--Gibson Garage Getaway Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Southwest Boulder & Stone--Tumbling Compost Bin Giveaway
12/1/2023 Bake from Scratch Fall Baking Giveaway
12/1/2023 Dailydig Pamper Yourself With $1000 Giveaway
12/1/2023 November Amaryllis Giveaway
12/2/2023 Win a 4-Night Luxury Getaway in Montego Bay, Jamaica
12/3/2023 Nashville Tourism--Big Bash
12/4/2023 Bottega Veneta Small Jodie Bags Giveaway
12/4/2023 Intel Gaming--Robocop Custom PC Sweepstakes
12/5/2023 Harper Collins Wow In Space Sweepstakes
12/5/2023 British Corner Shop Brit-mas Giveaway
12/5/2023 Laura Chenel--Wine Country Holidays Sweepstakes
12/7/2023 Intel--Holiday Giveaway
12/8/2023 Francis Coppola Diamond collection – Red. White. Merry.Bright. Sweepstakes
12/8/2023 Ole Red--Ultimate Getaway Sweepstakes
12/8/2023 1MD Nutrition--BreatheMD Giveaway
12/9/2023 Lehigh Outfitters--Keen Utility Sweepstakes
12/9/2023 Wine Awesomeness--Food + Wine Adventure to Barcelona Giveaway
12/9/2023 Wine Awesomeness--Trip to Ibiza
12/11/2023 BattlBox--December Giveaway
12/13/2023 Hamilton Beach--Air Fryer Giveaway
12/15/2023 Falken Edition Vanquish VS4-10 Phoenix Portal RTR & 1.9 Wildpeak T Tires Giveaway
12/15/2023 2024 25th Anniversary Hayabusa Giveaway
12/15/2023 Moore Mafia--25th Anniversary Giveaway
12/15/2023 Kraft Mac And Cheese--Super Fans Sweepstakes
12/17/2023 Nashville Tourism--Jack Daniel's New Year's Eve Giveaway
12/25/2023 Clubfitwear #FreeHoodieFridays Christmas Edition
12/27/2023 Win a Terry Bicycles $500 Cycling Wardrobe
12/31/2023 kidoodle.tv grocery giveaway
12/31/2023 Pink STARBURST Giveaway
12/31/2023 Gott for Good Sweepstakes
12/31/2023 Le Grand Courtage Taylor Swift Trip Giveaway
1/1/2024 Brewdog--Fall Game Day
1/1/2024 Win Free Gas for a Year
1/1/2024 Country Living--Find The Horseshoe Sweepstakes
1/1/2024 Porte + Hall--Gift Card Giveaway
1/31/2024 RCI Cruise Giveaway
1/31/2024 The La Marca Holiday Sweepstakes
4/1/2024 NHL Bell Canadiens Escape Saturdays Contest

New: 11/13/2023 Organic Valley Thanksgiving Sweepstakes
11/13/2023 Stranger Things Day Scoops Ahoy Sweepstakes
11/13/2023 Veteran’s Day Giveaway
11/13/2023 HEFTY.GG’s RGB Gaming Bundle Giveaway
11/13/2023 iKamper--100k Giveaway
11/13/2023 The DYRT--Rovr Rollr 45 Cooler Giveaway
11/13/2023 Evo--Membership Giveaway
11/14/2023 DICK’S Sporting Goods Holiday Shopping Sprint Sweepstakes
11/14/2023 Simon Teen--Ultimate Fantasy Fans Sweepstakes
11/14/2023 Ron Pa'lante Rum--Bose Soundlink Sweepstakes
11/14/2023 UE Pro--Jayda Hansen Giveaway
11/14/2023 Carter's--Gift Wrapping Getaway Giveaway
11/15/2023 Penguin Random House A Cozy Fall Sweepstakes
11/15/2023 WTA Tennis--United Cup Sweepstakes
11/15/2023 Georgia Boot--25 Pairs For 25 Years Giveaway
11/15/2023 Ooni--Pizza Oven Giveaway
11/15/2023 Muslin Comfort--True & Co Giveaway
11/15/2023 Jagermeister--Tap 30 Sweepstakes (Instagram)
11/15/2023 The Lunch Ride--Great Gravel Giveaway
11/15/2023 Hestan--E-Levated Kitchen Giveaway
11/16/2023 The Vanderpump Dog Foundation Los Angeles Giveaway
11/16/2023 Backpackers.com--Trekking The Grand Canyon National Park GiveawayNew
11/16/2023 BLVD Home--Tempurpedic Complete Sleep System Giveaway
11/16/2023 Cobalt Golf--Black & Blue Giveaway
11/16/2023 Penguin Random House--Carley Fortune Sweepstakes
11/16/2023 Penguin Random House--Bridgerton Sweepstakes
11/16/2023 Penguin Random House--Listen While You Cook Sweepstakes
11/16/2023 Anker--$500 Gift Card Giveaway
11/16/2023 Tarkine Running--$300 Gift Card Giveaway
11/16/2023 Berkey Filters--Gift Card Giveaway
11/17/2023 Smokeshow Cocktail Smoker--Fall Giveaway
11/17/2023 Weaver Livestock--French Door Showbox Giveaway
11/17/2023 Zager Guitars--Zager Easy Play Custom Guitar Giveaway
11/17/2023 Gear Junkie--Seirus Cold Weather Gear Giveaway
11/19/2023 O'Reilly Auto Parts--Holiday Cash Sweepstakes
11/20/2023 The Muffin Thankful For Books Giveaway
11/20/2023 Country Now--Luke Bryan Crash My Playa Sweepstakes
11/20/2023 Pianote--Roland Keyboard Giveaway
11/20/2023 Frank Clegg Leatherworks--Handmade For The Holidays Giveaway
11/20/2023 SainSmart--DIY Laser Engraver Giveaway
11/20/2023 Hanover Home--Thanksgiving Giveaway
11/22/2023 Free People--Win Your Wishlist Sweepstakes
11/22/2023 Simon--JCPenney Sweepstakes
11/22/2023 Lionel Trains--The Polar Express Giveaway
11/23/2023 Alan Wood Jewelry--Pumpkin Spice And Everything Nice Giveaway
11/23/2023 Tribesigns--ThanksGiving Giveaway
11/24/2023 Lush & Dew--Black Friday Sweepstakes
11/24/2023 Hachette Books--Biggest in Historical Fiction Sweepstakes
11/26/2023 Reviva Labs--Cornucopia Of Skincare Giveaway
11/26/2023 Lillian Vernon--Needlepoint Stocking Giveaway
11/27/2023 Akron Sports Properties / Klein’s Pharmacy Beats & Seats Sweepstakes
11/27/2023 Win a FREE 15-inch MacBook Air!
11/28/2023 Heybike Horizon Sunset Rider eBike Giveaway
11/30/2023 All 6 Black Box Eastwood Pedals Giveaway
11/30/2023 Win $100 And $50 Amazon Gift Cards
11/30/2023 Gunprime Beretta Waterfowl Giveaway
11/30/2023 Home Science Tools--Microscope Giveaway
11/30/2023 JB Tools--Jackson Safety Welding Helmet Giveaway
11/30/2023 Solange & Frances--Home Decor For The Holidays Giveaway
11/30/2023 Bold Aviator--Biggest Giveaway Yet
11/30/2023 Nook & Nova--$100 Gift Card Giveaway
11/30/2023 Do Stuff Meida--Gibson Garage Getaway Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Southwest Boulder & Stone--Tumbling Compost Bin Giveaway
12/4/2023 Intel Gaming--Robocop Custom PC Sweepstakes
12/5/2023 Laura Chenel--Wine Country Holidays Sweepstakes
12/7/2023 Intel--Holiday Giveaway
12/8/2023 Ole Red--Ultimate Getaway Sweepstakes
12/8/2023 1MD Nutrition--BreatheMD Giveaway
12/9/2023 Lehigh Outfitters--Keen Utility Sweepstakes
12/9/2023 Wine Awesomeness--Food + Wine Adventure to Barcelona Giveaway
12/9/2023 Wine Awesomeness--Trip to Ibiza
12/11/2023 BattlBox--December Giveaway
12/13/2023 Hamilton Beach--Air Fryer Giveaway
12/15/2023 Moore Mafia--25th Anniversary Giveaway
12/15/2023 Kraft Mac And Cheese--Super Fans Sweepstakes
12/17/2023 Nashville Tourism--Jack Daniel's New Year's Eve Giveaway
12/27/2023 Win a Terry Bicycles $500 Cycling Wardrobe
12/31/2023 Le Grand Courtage Taylor Swift Trip Giveaway
1/1/2024 Country Living--Find The Horseshoe Sweepstakes
1/1/2024 Porte + Hall--Gift Card Giveaway
1/31/2024 The La Marca Holiday Sweepstakes Previously Posted:
11/13/2023 Home & Hearth Holiday Giveaway Sweepstakes
11/13/2023 OM What Does Nature Mean To You Sweepstakes
11/13/2023 2023-24 Upper Deck X Nhl Sweepstakes
11/13/2023 Tailgating Challenge-Light Up Your Tailgate Giveaway
11/13/2023 Veterans Day Giveaway
11/14/2023 Mediterranian Vacation
11/14/2023 Le Vian Platinum Love Stories Sweepstakes
11/15/2023 Greece Unveiled Sweepstakes
11/15/2023 Win a Trip to LA to meet David Chang
11/15/2023 withinUs BLACK FRIDAY Giveaway
11/15/2023 Vansuny Thanksgiving GiveawayVansuny Thanksgiving Giveaway
11/15/2023 Mizkif Starforge Systems Gaming PC Giveaway
11/15/2023 Aftco x CCA x Mossy Oak Fish Camp Giveaway
11/15/2023 Lane Frost Fall Giveaway
11/16/2023 Lot 22 Olive Oil $500 Foodie Bag
11/16/2023 Phantom Blade Pre-Launch Giveaway
11/17/2023 Rest & Rejuvenate in Portland, Maine
11/17/2023 Cool-Jams Pajamas For A Year Sweepstakes
11/17/2023 DV8 Offroad Bronco Skid Plate Giveaway
11/17/2023 YAYOMG! Graphic Novel Collection Giveaway
11/17/2023 OneBlade Sweepstakes
11/17/2023 Win Heatwave baselayers and liners from Seirus
11/18/2023 DOODLE Christmas Swag Giveaway
11/19/2023 Moments of Self-Care Giveaway Sweepstakes
11/19/2023 The Papa Rewards “Shaq-a-Roni” Sweepstakes
11/19/2023 Moon Guide World Series Sweepstakes
11/20/2023 Bones free coffee for a year Giveaway
11/20/2023 Family Stash Bash Sweepstakes
11/21/2023 American Tattoo Society $500 Gift Card Giveaway
11/22/2023 Frontier Airlines Ultimate Rodeo Experience Sweepstakes
11/22/2023 Cooking with Jade Be Thankful Sweepstakes
11/24/2023 PIMS-Coral is Calling
11/24/2023 Premium Dog Nation Sweepstakes
11/26/2023 Experience Abu Dhabi Sweepstakes
11/28/2023 LifeCard .22WMR Confetti Giveaway
11/28/2023 731 Tool Storage Giveaway
11/28/2023 Win a HIZO G14 Pizza Oven
11/29/2023 Go Overboard Kicker Marine Audio
11/29/2023 Alex Ovechkin Stick Giveaway
11/30/2023 Irish Shop 10k Yellow Gold Crystal Irish Shamrock Necklace Giveaway
11/30/2023 Win a Year’s Supply of Pro V1 or Pro V1x Golf Balls
11/30/2023 Newton Baby Cozy Family Holiday Giveaway
11/30/2023 Epiphone Matt Heafy Origins Les Paul Giveaway
11/30/2023 Shop Across Texas San Angelo Getaway Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Win a Niagara Falls Getaway
11/30/2023 The Black Star Boots giveaway
11/30/2023 Brownells/FRN ATN X-Sight 5 Giveaway
11/30/2023 Win A Custom Compact Complete Handgun & A Custom 5.56 NATO Complete Rifle Featuring Tyrant Designs And Fortis Manufacturing
11/30/2023 All 6 Black Box Eastwood Pedals Giveaway
11/30/2023 INSP’s Get Cookin’ Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Type 2 Diabetes Diabetes Awareness Month Giveaway
11/30/2023 Discover the Magic of Europe’s Danube River Giveaway
11/30/2023 Win A Trip To Italy For Two
11/30/2023 Free Apple Watch Series 5 from TekReplay Giveaway
11/30/2023 Dreamscape Sci-fi and Fantasy Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Saints Keys to the Dome Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Turtle Beach Roccat Giveaway
11/30/2023 Wonder Pack Giveaway
11/30/2023 Nitecore MT2A + NWL20 Giveaway
11/30/2023 Lancôme Holiday Skincare Routine Sweepstakes
11/30/2023 Tarte Shape Tape Giveaway
11/30/2023 Olight Arkfeld Pro Flashlight Giveaway
11/30/2023 Brand Avalanche Media’s “Giving Thanks $14K Giveaway
12/1/2023 Bake from Scratch Fall Baking Giveaway
12/1/2023 Dailydig Pamper Yourself With $1000 Giveaway
12/1/2023 November Amaryllis Giveaway
12/2/2023 Win a 4-Night Luxury Getaway in Montego Bay, Jamaica
12/3/2023 Nashville Tourism--Big Bash
12/4/2023 Bottega Veneta Small Jodie Bags Giveaway
12/5/2023 Harper Collins Wow In Space Sweepstakes
12/5/2023 British Corner Shop Brit-mas Giveaway
12/8/2023 Francis Coppola Diamond collection – Red. White. Merry.Bright. Sweepstakes
12/15/2023 Falken Edition Vanquish VS4-10 Phoenix Portal RTR & 1.9 Wildpeak T Tires Giveaway
12/15/2023 2024 25th Anniversary Hayabusa Giveaway
12/25/2023 Clubfitwear #FreeHoodieFridays Christmas Edition
12/31/2023 kidoodle.tv grocery giveaway
12/31/2023 Pink STARBURST Giveaway
12/31/2023 Gott for Good Sweepstakes
1/1/2024 Brewdog--Fall Game Day
1/1/2024 Win Free Gas for a Year
1/31/2024 RCI Cruise Giveaway
4/1/2024 NHL Bell Canadiens Escape Saturdays Contest

New:

End Date	Contest Name
11/7/2023	Epic Epoxy Chessboard Giveaway
11/9/2023	Win $250 Active Truth Gift Card
11/9/2023	The “November 9 LA Getaway” Sweepstakes
11/9/2023	Win TC Electronic JIMS 800 Pedal/Amp sim
11/9/2023	HELM Vine to Wine Sweepstakes
11/9/2023	Tea Drops x Pippi Post Books and Boba Giveaway
11/10/2023	Must-Read Books of December Sweepstakes 2023
11/10/2023	Zager Guitar Giveaway
11/10/2023	Win an Apple Watch Ultra 2 and Titanium Band From Lululook
11/10/2023	Ruffwear Dog Gear Kit Giveaway
11/10/2023	GOWOOD sunglasses Giveaway
11/10/2023	Ulefone Power Armor 18T Ultra Giveaway
11/11/2023	Logitech G NASCAR Championship Giveaway
11/11/2023	Win a 5.25″ 300-Watt Bluetooth Wall-mount Speaker
11/11/2023	Epomaker November Big Sale Giveaway
11/12/2023	O Dark 30 Fall Boot Giveaway
11/12/2023	Tubby Todd Playdate Goodie Bag Giveaway
11/13/2023	Tailgating Challenge-Light Up Your Tailgate Giveaway
11/13/2023	Veterans Day Giveaway
11/14/2023	Le Vian Platinum Love Stories Sweepstakes
11/15/2023	Mizkif Starforge Systems Gaming PC Giveaway
11/15/2023	Aftco x CCA x Mossy Oak Fish Camp Giveaway
11/15/2023	Lane Frost Fall Giveaway
11/16/2023	Phantom Blade Pre-Launch Giveaway
11/17/2023	YAYOMG! Graphic Novel Collection Giveaway
11/17/2023	OneBlade Sweepstakes
11/17/2023	Win Heatwave baselayers and liners from Seirus
11/18/2023	DOODLE Christmas Swag Giveaway
11/19/2023	Moon Guide World Series Sweepstakes
11/20/2023	Family Stash Bash Sweepstakes
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Hey y'all, me again with my lame "book report" posts on random wrestling books. In the past I have posted about Gorgeous George, Billy Graham, Jim Ross, Young Bucks, and Brock Lesnar.
Roddy Piper began to plan interviews with his old friends and colleagues with plan of writing a book. Unfortunately six weeks into planning he died, and his final wishes of discovering who he was went unfulfilled. Two of his four children still made those interviews and decided to finish that book, knowing how important it was to Roddy, who spent most of his twighlight years, unsure of who he was outside of wrestling and pop culture. As always, this goes through his career in chronological order, so feel free to skip to the parts that interest you most...

• Roddy got his training by Merv Unger and Al Tomko in Manitoba in the early 1970's, though Merv maintains that not much training was done, saying Roddy was a natural who just "got it." Roddy's first official match was in June 1973, in the local promotion ran by Al Tomko.
  
• Unger would be someone who taught Piper a ton of wrestling psychology, both in-ring and outside. Piper would learn to never verbally threaten someone with something he couldn't actually do, like "Ill rip your throat out!" Piper figured he could draw hear by insulting his opponent snd make the crowds look for his comeuppance.
  
• Merv remembers how Verne Gagne's AWA came through their region and needed a last minute replacement to face Larry 'The Axe' Hennig, so Merv recommended a 20 year old Roddy Piper. The book isn't clear why there was a bag pipe band in the arena that night but there was, so Roddy asked them to play him to the ring. Roddy claims this is where he got his name, as the ring announcer just whiffed it and made it up on the spot, according to Roddy. But Roddy says the announcer called him Roddy The Piper, and that Roddy would drop the "the" later on.
  
• it was at this AWA show where Roddy learned a valuable lesson in "upstaging" in wrestling. Larry Hennig was the draw here, Piper was a nobody replacement who was being fed to Hennig. So when Piper comes out with a live band playing the bag pipes, Piper recalled seeing fire come out of Larry's eyes. The match lasted 10 seconds, after an irate Hennig charged Piper as soon as the bell rang and cracked him hard in the face, apparently breaking Pipers nose, before hitting his finishings to immediately win.
  
• Verne Gagne wanted to help Piper so he sent him to Texas to wrestle for Fritz Von Erich in his promotion, "Big Time Wrestling" and this is where Piper formed his first early bond, with a young Kerry Von Erich who was just finishing up high school at the time, but like Piper was just trying to break into the buisness.
  
• one night in Texas, the sound system failed and they couldn't play the national anthem. So the promoter sent Roddy out with his bag pipes, and luckily Roddy had been practicing "The Star Spangled Banner" and played it well, much to the crowds delight. Two brothers who frequently attended events there were Bruce and Tom Protchard, and Tom remembers that night and how Roddy played pretty well.
  
• "I can't convince you wrestling is real, but I can sure as hell convince you I'm for real!" This was a quote Roddy would use frequently throughout his career, but he actually picked it up from Johnny Velentine while backstage at a show. Roddy must have bumped into him or stood too close because Johnny grabbed Roddy and pushed him up against a wall before saying that line.
  
  • Piper remembers a conversation between his then boss Emile Dupree and wrestler Don Leo Johnathan while driving in the car between shows. Emile reflects on the show they just did and says he should get some credit for the house they drew, and Don Leo shot back with "Emile, you can have all the credit. Just give me the money." It reminds me of Punk's "dollars and cents" line vs Moxley's claim of being the "heart and soul" of AEW.
• in the late 1970's Roddy actually wrestled against Lou Thesz, and Roddy remembers it fondly because he was able to get a 1-count on the legend. Of course he mistakenly yelled at Thesz as the bell rang "Come on, ye old bastard!" Thesz took offence to this and Roddy remembered how Thesz turned to the ref and said "you tell him to watch his language."
  
• Gene LaBell was a legit judo master and one of the best shooters Roddy ever met, qnd luckily Gene took a liking to Roddy and trained him up on how to legitimately protect himself. To this day Gene still won't name names, but says that Roddy needed to learn real skills because some guys would just try to hurt you and control the entire match, regardless of outcome. Gene credits a lot of his training to Karl Gotch, and says he passed a lot of that onto Roddy. Gene says Roddy earned his respect eventually by legit beating up everyone he got in the ring with.
  
• Gene LaBell remembers one time he was wrestling Roddy early in Roddy's career. Roddy made the mistake of gorging himself at the buffet table prior to the match, and wound up vomiting blueberry pie all over Gene. A disgusted Gene would immediately bail out of the ring and right to the showers, as the stunned ref didn't know what to do and just counted him out. Roddy would the like to joke about how beat Gene LaBell haha
  
• In March, 1976 Roddy would win his first championship, when he beat Chavo Guerrero Sr for the NWA America's championship. Chavo remembers Roddy as the very best promo guy of all time. He reflects on how Roddy would be paired with a ton of Hispanic speaking guys so he could act as the English promo guy and liven up the act a bit.
  
• Chavo Guerrero remembers one time he decided he wanted to piss off Roddy, and knew he didn't like the sexual ribs, so he kept grabbing his ass and complimenting his ass. That day he full on grabbed Roddy's ass and Roddy, without thinking, actually sliced Chavo in the thigh with a switchblade that Roddy always had on him.
  
• Chavo remembers one time he invited Roddy down to Mexico where they would wrestle in a main event match. The event in question took place at a Bull Ring where the crowd sat on pillows. Durring the show it started pouring down rain, and during the main event, instead of sitting on the pillows, the crowd threw these wet, heavy pillows at Roddy, belting him over and over again. Chavo thought if he jumped on Roddy the fans would back off for their hometown hero, but nope, they kept throwing gross wet pillows, because (and this would be a trend in Roddy's career) the crowd hated Roddy more than they liked his opponent.
  
• Eventually Roddy found his way down to San Francisco working for Roy Shire. Shire is a name that was pretty prominent in the early portion of Billy Graham's book and it seems his M.O. isn't change much between Roddy and Graham's time there because Shire would have Roddy wrestle a real live bear just like he did Graham. Roddy mistakenly thought he was wrestling a guy named "Victor Bear" but found out he was wrestling "Victor the Bear". Graham did this a few times before moving on from the territory for good, but Roddy only did this once and for good reason. The bear went ballistic right off the bat, and despite being declawed and having its teeth removed, it was still a very real threat. And for some reason this bear did something to Roddy that it never did to anyone else. It got behind Roddy, pinned him to the mat and preceeded to eat and lick his way through his trunks and into his ass. A horrified Roddy screamed and begged the trainer for help, and after the trainer tried and failed to distract the beast, he tranquilized it to sleep. The mystery of why the bear did this didn't last long, apparently before the match, another wrestler named Jay York and slapped Roddy on the ass wishing him good luck. What Roddy didn't know is that Jay had smeared honey all over his hand, and got some on Roddy's butt, so the bear could smell it and went after it like a bull seeing red.
  
• Gene LaBell got Roddy his first acting job, doing a scene with Henry Winkler in the 1976 film "The One And Only", a film where Winkler was an aspiring wrestler. Roddy's only role was to take a bump, and LaBell told Winkler to hit him with his helmet, with everything Winkler has got. Needless to say Roddy didn't need to sell and just crumpled to the mat, and the director was so impressed that not only was the shot used several times in the film, he actually asked Roddy if he wanted to work on more films with him. Roddy foolishly turned this down, and would later regret this decision, because the director was famed Carl Reiner, who would go onto direct the classic comedy "The Jerk" just a few short years later.
  
• Roddy won the NWA Americas title once more from Chavo in August 1977, and would lose it back to him a week later in a "loser leaves town" rematch. For good measure, Roddy lost one more "Loser Leaves Town" match later that week, so the audience in LA knew, they wouldn't be seeing Roddy for a while. And by the end of that same month, Roddy was on his first tour of Japan, alongside Stan Hansen, who would enjoy himself so much that he would spend most of his career there.
  
• after one if his Japan trips, Roddy returned to NWA in LA where booker Leo Garibaldi had an idea and a hunch. He wanted to get Roddy over so he paired him with Java Ruuk, a New York born wrestling heel. But he didn't make Roddy his partner, he made Roddy his manager. He let Roddy do what he was doing best at the time, talk people into the building.
  
• being a manager actually set Roddy free to do what ever he felt could get him and Ruuk more over as heels. One night he stopped the match and demanded the crowd rise for the Scottish anthem, to which he would play incorrectly and poorly on his bag pipes.
  
• Roddy's managing put him to working overtime, since he would often wrestle once or twice on the card and manage another match or two. Sometimes he would even referee a match as well, literally working every match on the card in some way.
  
• one time Chave had his father Gory in his corner, and at the finish if the match, Roddy improvised and slapped Gory across the face. This wasn't planned out or discussed at all, and poor Gory wasn't ready, and Roddy ruptured an ear drum! Chavo remembers how apologetic Roddy was, and Gory told Roddy "that's how it's done" with no hard feelings between the two. Gory sounds like a pro.
  
• one night, prior to wrestling Chavo again, Piper had a donkey brought out so he could "interview" the donkey and pretend it was Chavo's mom. This stunt not only enraged Chavo, but also the Tv network who threatened to pull the coverage in Hispanic communities. So Roddy announced that at the next show he would apologize by playing the Mexican national anthem on his bag pipes. At the show he had the ring announcer Jimmy Lennon hold a mic close to his bag pipes, and Roddy precedes to play 'La Cucaracha' causing the crowd to go ape shit and storm the ring causing a legit riot. Chavo remembers being floored by the stunt and how Roddy didn't warn anyone, not even his opponent who may have been pissed as well. Chavo says the stunt worked as the crowd made Roddy the hottest heel in wrestling that night. Despite the police attempts to control the crowd, Roddy was punch, scratched and even stabbed.
  
• Roddy remembers how fans would flick lit cigarettes onto a heels back, knowing the sweat would cause it to stick to him until it burned off. And Roddy said it was best to no-sell it snd let it burn off, or else you would have 20 more being flicked at you.
  
• Roddy remembers how it was common for fans to attempt stabbing Roddy as he made his way to the ring. He says they would hid knives in their popcorn bags and attempt quick slashes or stabs. Leo Garibaldi once asked Mike LaBell about moving through seats away from where the wrestlers entered from. Mike would ask "Why?" and Leo would say "Cause that's where they're stabbing Roddy!" And Mike says, "That's why they buy those seats."
  
• NWA ring announcer Jimmy Lennon may have saved Roddy's life one night when he noticed a man pushing his way to the front of the crowd as Roddy madevhis entrance. Lennon actually positioned himself between the man and Roddy, obscuring the man's vantage. The man, now brandishing a .45 handgun began screaming at Lennon to move, and Lennon just acted confused and gave the cops enough time to spot and disarm the "fan". Lennon, such a pro, didn't even flinch or tell Roddy, he just gid his ring introductions and got the show back on track. Later on Roddy would hear the whole story, including the detail in how the .45 was only loaded with a single bullet, and the man had carved "P.I.P.E.R." into it.
  
• eventually he got the call from Vince Sr for a tryout at Madison Square Garden in New York. He actually blew them off the first time around, lied about bad weather preventing him from travelling because he was scared he would fail, or that he would be too small. He would get a 2nd call and this time didn't chicken out. When he got to the building, Classie Freddie Blassie harassed him a bit, telling him that they don't want him there, and Roddy took this as a well meaning joke from one of the boys. His plan was to do the Scottish National Anthem on his bagpipes for heat, like he has always done. Unfortunately this time after the announcer told everyone to rise for the Scottish National Anthem, Roddy couldn't get his bagpipes to make a sound. And after a minute or two he angrily threw his bagpipes to the ground and charged the ring. Despite winning, his pre-match antics were all anyone could focus on and Roddy recieved a message from Vince Sr, "Don't call us, we'll call you." This was a death sentence for any wrestler to hear from a promoter in those days, and Roddy didn't even hear it directly from McMahon, it was relayed to him by a messenger. On the plane ride home, Roddy discovered that someone had stuffed a wad of paper towel into his bagpipes causing them to not work. Roddy would later learn this was Freddie Blassie, who wasn't joking when he told Roddy that he wasn't wanted.
  
• Roddy used to boast that he was the first man to ever get licked by a Bushwacker
  
• just like Billy Graham and Gorgeous George before him, Roddy would spend several months wrestling in Hawaii with the Miavia clan. He remembers how the hostile crowds would actually whip him with car antennas as he made his entrance.
  
• Rick Martel remembers one time he, Roddy and another wrestler Chris Colt were at a biker bar, where eventually a dozen large bikers were looking at kicking their asses because of something Colt said. Martel says that others tell the story differently, but he remembers one biker spit into Colt's whiskey glass, and right before Colt reacted and all hell broke loose, Roddy picked up the glass and drank it in front of everyone. Roddy then slammed the empty glass down and turned to the biker to say "Your turn." This caused the bikers to laugh and proclaim that they were all right. Neither the authors, nor Martel offer any different accounts of that night, but I would love to hear one or two.
  
• after 5 years, Roddy finished up in Portland, losing a "loser leaves town" match yet again, thus time to longtime Portland rival of his, Buddy Rose. In late 1980, he would make his way to Charlotte, North Carolina, working for Ole Anderson.
  
• Ole Anderson wasn't a favorite of Roddy, but he was one who helped rein in Roddy's wrestling style a bit. He would scold him for doing high spots and push him more towards the brawling mentality that worked best for him.
  
• once while wrestling Wahoo McDaniel, Roddy hurt his wrist bad, and put it in a sling after the match. Wahoo would see this and tease him for being a wimp, pressuring Roddy to take off the sling. Roddy would feel pressured into no only getting rid of the sling, but wrestling through what ever injury or pain he was in. Roddy never got his wrist looked at by a doctor and from that night, until the day he died 35 years later, he had a nasty goose egg sized bump on his wrist.
  
• Roddy's time in Charlotte would come to an abrupt end, when he and Tommy Rich were hours late for a show with no good excuse beyond "we took a wrong turn." They got there, wrestled their match, and then were told by Ole Anderson that they were fired. And ontop of that, Roddy's reputation was now killed as Ole blackballed him to various other promoters. Ric Flair would save Roddy's career by bringing him along on his next trip to Puerto Rico.
  
• one night on one of those Puerto Rico trips, Flair was wrestling the local hero Benitez, and Flair told Roddy (who was working as his manager) to run around the ring and grab at Benitez's ankles to piss off the crowd. It worked so well, that even the military who were on hand as security, had turned on Roddy and Flair before a riot broke out.
  
• in his entire career, Roddy only had 3 short visits working in Japan. The first was when he was young, in the 70's, on the trip that convinced Stan Hansen to stay. The next two trips were years later, in the 80's after Roddy had started his family and just wanted to return home to his newborn daughter. The fucked up thing is that the promoter over there would take his passport each time, as a way of insurance it sounds like. But Roddy just wanted it back, so he would antagonize the staff and pretty much everyone around him. He would use offensive slurs in the matches and pull pretty wreckless pranks at night on officials, and he still wasn't given his passport back. Not until one night, when Roddy came across a taxi with no occupant, but still running with its keys. Roddy just hopped in and floored the gas like a fool. He didn't check the steering wheel and went flying over a curb and into the side of a building. He was given his passport, send home, and never ever asked to return. Chavo Guerrero Sr was on tour with him and didn't hear what happened until after he got back to the States. For him, one morning Roddy was just gone and no one would tell him anything. Considering the heights that Roddy was going to hit soon after this trip, it's surprising to consider that he was literally never asked to come back and work for anyone in Japan again.
  
• Jim Crockett was the only promoter who ignored Roddy being blackballed and so Roddy went to work for Crockett throughout the early 80's. It was here he would win the NWA Mid-Atlantic United States belt from Greg Valentine, and his wife says this was the only title Roddy ever seemed to care about.
  
• Roddy got the dog collar idea from Mad Dog Buzz Sawyer, whom he wrestled a dog collar match with in 82 or 83. So when Crockett was positioning Starcade 83 as the biggest wrestling event of all time, he asked Roddy and his longtime rival Greg Valentine for something "brutal." They delivered so well that they were asked to do the match a dozen more times on the road after Starcade. Greg and Roddy remembers how to Roddy foolishly stuffed the collars with sheep wool, causing nasty rashes on their necks.
  
• in late 1983, Roddy met Bret Hart at a show in Toronto. Roddy foolishly recounted a nasty and unfavorable rumor about Stu Hart, to which Bret Hart didn't appreciate. Bret, who was still very new to the buisness, stood up to Roddy, who was a proven main event draw in multiple territories. This impressed Roddy, who would apologize to Bret before forming a lifelong friendship. To this day, Bret says that standing up to Roddy and shooting that rumor down earned him a ton of respect from Roddy.
  
• in late 1983, Roddy was finally contacted by WWF again, this time it was Vince Jr at the helm, and they wanted him after his strong showing at Starcade. But having been blackballed in Atlanta, Roddy refused to sign any sort of contract or deal, but thanks to his recent work and a big endorsement from Sgt Slaughter, Roddy would go to work for McMahon on a more loose basis than most at the time. He started as a manager for Paul Orndorff and David Shultz.
  
• the 62 year old Buddy Rogers had been hosting a "talk show" in WWF at that time, called "Rogers Corner." Buddy wouldn't say much, instead offering a spot for heels to boast and get themselves over. Roddy saw this and pitched a slightly different version to Vince Jr in the form of "Pipers Pit." Roddy's idea was "pure trouble" and a way to set up angles and future matches.
  
• his 2nd ever "Pipers Pit" segment featured jobber Frankie Williams, though it could have featured anyone for what it's remembered for. Early in the interview Roddy made the claim that he had never been beaten, and being new to the WWF, this lie worked on most of the audience who now believed he had never been beaten. And the 2nd memorable line came at the end when after he had belted Williams with the microphone, he turned to the camera saying "Just when they think they got the answers, I change the questions."
  
• Andre the Giant seemed to really like working with Roddy, and one night at Madison Square Garden, Andre decided to change the plan, and instead of mounting a comeback, let Roddy to get on him and split him open as the ref called for the match. Andre would even do a rare "stretcher" spot after the match, where Andre fell out of the stretcher on the ramp. He would make his way to the back, but come back 5 mins later and chase the heels off. But for about 10/15 minutes, Roddy Piper had Andre on a stretcher and being sent out of the ring at MSG. I don't know of many others who can say the same.
  
• to this day, there is still a debate over wether or not Jimmy Snuka knew he was going to get hit with a coconut, and wether or not the coconut was real. The authors can confidently say that the coconut was very real, and they imply that the hit wasn't planned. You can see Roddy grab Snuka by the head, ensuring that he stays in position, and you can see Roddy hits him in the headband to limit the force and impact. But he really wacked him with a real coconut, and his kids seem to think that Snuka had no idea it was coming.
  
• George Scott was a booker from Charlotte whom Roddy worked with prior to both men joining the WWF in the mid-80's. (Roddy as talent and George as a booker of sorts) Years earlier, back in Charlotte, Roddy got in a motor vehicle accident with George's son Bryon. This actually went to court until George and Roddy apologized and settled their differences. It was that experience and mutual respect, Roddy believes that led to George one day to randomly ask Roddy "You want to fight Mr. T?"
  
• Roddy finally agreed to sign a contract in the buildup to the first Wrestlemania, but that didn't make him more cooperable. Roddy remembered being on the phone with Vince Jr, Hulk Hogan and Pat Patterson, discussing the proposed Mania main event finish. They wanted Mr T to pin Roddy after hitting him with some wrestling moves, and Roddy vehemently denied this, calling it wrong, over and over again until he started screaming into the phone. He told Vince that he can't have a TV star beating a top draw, he argued that it wouldn't just kill WWF, but the credibility of all wrestling at that point. Eventually he agreed to lose, but refused to be pinned by Hogan or Mr T, leaving Paul Orndoff as the fall guy to Hogan. (Roddy wouldnt even agree to be in the match if Orndoff was to be pinned by Mr T) We know why he wouldn't fall to Mr T, but as for Hogan, Piper believed that if he lost to Hogan, he would lose out on any future main event opportunities with the guy that was clearly going to be the face of the company for a long time. Roddy didn't see value in taking an L to someone in such a position, if he hoped for long term drawing power opposite him.
  
• Bret Hart remembers how Piper was right in his refusal to lose, saying it helped Roddy out in the long run, even without any world titles. Roddy would tell Bret that he didn't need any titles, he just needed to stay credible in the fans eyes. Roddy was small compared to most WWF main eventers and he really only saw value in himself in WWF, so long as he wasn't being pinned.
  
• in Sept 1985, Hogan and Roddy wrestled a non-televised match in Cincinnati, and the new Cincinnati mayor wanted to make an appearance in the ring. So prior to the main event, this young mayor went to the ring and cut a promo of sorts putting over Hogan before he started trash talking Roddy. Roddy took exception to yet another "outside of wrestling" type guy coming into his world and trying to get one over at Roddy's expense. So Roddy charged the ring and preceeded to whip the young mayor with a wet towel while yelling obscenities at him. This shocked mayor ran from the ring, but would find his way back into the spotlight years later, hosting a talk show which featured a ton of edge he would have seen on Pipers Pit. A young Jerry Springer never forgot his interaction with Roddy Piper that night in 1985.
  
• according to Roddy, prior to his Boxing match with Mr T at Wrestlemania 2, officials taped his fist up in a way that would cushion is punches and make them less effective.
  
• during this boxing match with Mr T, Roddy wasn't near close enough for a punch fron Mr T, but was forced to sell it anyway and he knew it looked bad so this only pissed him off, and is the reason why he threw his stool at Mr T during the intermission.
  
• much to Roddy's very legitimate horror, the crowd at Wrestlemania 2 turned on Mr T and for the first time ever, Roddy heard a massive audience chanting his name! He was afraid that his career was dead in the water at the sound of fans cheering for him
  
• Roddy was hoping that Vince Jr would give him some sign during the match that would allow Roddy to legit assault Mr T. He said he would never go into buisness for himself like that, but was hoping that Vince would just make that call on the fly durring the match. At some point after the match, Vince grinned and told Roddy he thought Roddy would take out Mr T, for real. Roddy couldn't believe his ears, thinking on what would have happened if Vince had said that before the fight.
  
• Roddy felt he accomplished all he could wrestling by 1987, so he decided that his hair vs hair match with Adrian Adonis would be his retirement match. Roddy credits the matches quality all to Adonis, whom Roddy felt was as close to him as a brother.
  
• Roddy's experience with hair matches earlier in his career had taught him that cutting wet hair was very difficult and not fun. So he randomly told Brutus Beefcake to take the sheers, and that's how Beefcake became a Barber.
  
• A few months after the match, Adonis would die in a car accident alongside wrestler Mike Kelly, his brother Pat Kelly and Dave McKigney when their vehicle struck a moose. (Side note: this is exactly how my own father passed away in the 90's, travelling for work with friends when their car hit a damn moose. Fucking heartbreaking to hear this happened to another group of guys)
  
• Roddy and Adonis were so close and would often say "I love you" to one another. Roddy remembers how a Adonis's wife would shake her head and wonder aloud why they always said that. Roddy was asked to give the eulogy at Adoinis's funural, and he remembered a time when Adonis told Roddy that when he dies, he doesn't want a bunch of people crying at a funeral, he wanted a party! So Roddy repeated that quote and he remembers the noise Adonis's wife made in response, "This sound came out of his wife," Roddy said, still haunted. "I can't mimic that sound." When the funeral was over, Adonis's wife approached Roddy, thinking of how they would always say "I love you" to one another, and she told Roddy "Now I know why you guys said that."
  
• having lost friends and colleagues like David and Mike Von Erich, Bruiser Brody, Moondog Mayne, and now Adonis and others in that accident, Roddy decided that Adonis would be the last funeral he ever attended, and he apparently kept to that idea.
  
• after Wrestlemania 3 he got his first real acting job, where he wasn't just playing a wrestler. He starred in a terrible scifi movie called "Hell Comes To Frogtown" and Roddy was genuinely embarrassed anytime he had to talk about it. It would lead him to greater fame as an actor, since somehow John Carpenter had gotten ahold of some outtakes or deleted scenes and saw how easy Roddy looked to direct and decided he wanted him for his next film, "They Live."
  
• Roddy didn't want Hollywood and other actors to view him as he saw Mr T entering a wrestling ring, so he actually took acting classes under a renowned LA acting coach named Sal Dano.
  
• Roddy and Kieth David spent 2 or 3 weeks blocking it their memorable fight scene. John Carpenter said he paired them up so Kieth could help Roddy with the acting side and Roddy could help Kieth with the rough stuff.
  
• the book isn't clear or seems to have no idea where the "I came here to chew bubble gum..." line came from. Roddy always liked to tale credit for it but the book initially comments on that claim saying "Not quite-not that Roddy helped clarify where it came from" and then a few paragraphs later the book is implying that Roddy had the line written down in one of his notebooks he had that contained funny stories and insults. The book says that "Carpenter loved the line and put it in the film" while never clarifying where it came from.
  
• according to TV and Film promoter Mitch Ackerman, Roddy didn't have the best people working with him in the film industry who could capitalize off "They Live" and the rave reviews it got. Roddy would need to step back in the ring again of he wanted to keep supporting his growing family.
  
• Bruce Pritchard was hired by WWF following Wrestlemania 3 and worked a talk show gimmick similar to Pipers Pit, but as the over the tip Brother Love character. In early 1989, Vince Jr had told Bruce that he "wasn't going to do Brother Love at Wrestlemania" that year, but instead pitched another idea, bringing back Roddy Piper for Pipers Pit, with Brither Love and real life Tv talk show host Morton Downey Jr. Bruce was tasked with pitching the idea to Roddy, and Bruce remembers foolishly pitching him an idea where Brother Love would "interview" Roddy but instead answer his own questions while doing a Roddy Piper impersonation. Bruce didn't know how much Roddy hated impersonations of himself and was caught off guard when Piper asked what he was supposed to do, just sit there and watch Brother Love do this fake interview? Instead Piper suggested they go out there and wing it, each man does his own thing and they see how it goes.
  
• Bruce and Roddy did a segment at a show in Denver prior to Mania that year to act as a warm up for the two, and Roddy still didn't tell Bruce how much he hated impressions. So when Bruce as Brother Love starts off by doing a Roddy Piper impression, Roddy responded by just clocking him hard across the face, sending Bruce crashing into the second rope. Bruce remembers looking up at a smiling Roddy Piper and wondered to himself if Roddy hadn't just agreed to everything so he could smack Bruce like that. But once they got to the back, Roddy hugged Bruce and told him how great the segment was. Pipers Pit that year at Mania was a success, and mostly remembered for Piper spraying Morton Downey Jr with that fire extinguisher.
  
• Mitch Ackerman got him on the Tv series "Tag Team" alongside Jesse Ventura and even arranged to have them film some of the wrestling stuff at a real WWF show. It was a tag match featuring Ventura and Roddy vs Orient Express, managed by Mr Fuji. Ackerman remembers how Roddy asked of he could get Mr Fuji a Screen Actors Guild card, and despite the fact that Mr Fuji never "acted" again, he did get that card.
  
• one time while filming a movie on a boat in the ocean, Roddy was kicked in the butt by a crew member, and Roddy preceeded to hang the man overboard, threatening to drop him. Roddy didn't realize the drop would kill him, and he didn't realize that the DP for the film was watching the whole thing. Roddy wasn't asked to work for that company again.
  
• when McMahon pitched Roddy vs Bad News Brown at Wrestlemania 6, Roddy was the face, while Brown was the heel, and Roddy questioned how to be a babyface against a heel who identifies himself as a black tough guy with a racially charged chip on his shoulder, without appearing to position yourself against black people in general. His answer was to paint has his face half black as a way of representing all people. He genuinely didn't see how it would be an issue.
  
• Roddy remembered how uncomfortable Bad News Bron was when Roddy pitched the idea, but Vince liked it so he agreed.
  
• as a cruel rib, Andre the Giant sabatoged the very specific (special order) cleaning solution meant to clean the black off Roddy's face and he was legitimately stuck with half black face for weeks.
  
• When the steroid trial happened, WWF went to great legal efforts to keep Hogan off the stand but didn't extend the same courtesy to Roddy, which he took as a personal insult and slight.
  
• the day that the doctors lawyer exposed his connection to Roddy and a few other WWF guys, Roddy was wrestling the Undertaker at a random house show, and was suddenly told he had to lose. Roddy didn't do jobs in WWF and knew he was being hung out to dry. He asked Undertaker to piledrive him on the floor, and Roddy made sure to leave his head exposed so it looked bad, and he faked an injury in order to be counted out. Roddy testified the next day, pretending to be groggy and injured.
  
• The blood in the match between Roddy and Bret at Wrestlemania 8 was planned privately between the two, knowing it would have been shot down if pitched to Vince. After the match, Bret had to act all hot and pissedoff at Roddy for being too "reckless" in the ring.
  
• Bret remembers how Roddy valued having "never being pinned" more than any championship, so he understood the honor that it was when Roddy agreed to be pinned by Bret.
  
• the match with Bret fucked up Roddy's hip and you can actually see the moment it happens, he grabs his hip in pain. Roddy would end up having titanium hip replacement surgery in 1994 and not really return to wrestling until 1996 when Scott Hall got into a contract dispute with WWF, leading to Vince asking a now 42 year old Roddy Piper to come back.
  
• Roddy and Goldust filmed the first half to there Wrestlemania 12 Backlot brawl, 3 weeks prior to that year's Mania, with a few dozen Disney employees watching. Roddy actually broken both feet a week earlier, and a minute into the brawl, Roddy broke a knuckle smile connecting with a few punches.
  
• Roddy assured Goldust that he would leap out if the way as Goldust attempted to run him down in the Cadillac, so everyone was shocked when Roddy just jumped high enough to land on the hood. Roddy knew it would be highlight reel moment for years to come and didn't warn anyone.
  
• Roddy loved the Ford Bronco they used for the chase scene and asked Vince if he could keep it. Roddy treasured that Bronco for many years afterwards, until he got in an accident and totalled it off.
  
• Roddy got in several car accidents and usually didn't wear a seat belt. One time most of his bottom lip had been ripped off and it took extensive plastic surgery to fix.
  
• in 2003 Roddy did a pretty bleak interview with HBO where he opened up about drug use in the wrestling industry, the pressures from the promoters and his own personal experiences. It was a super dark interview that would derail Roddy's last excursion in the WWE. He was randomly brought back at Wrestlemania 19 and interjected into the McMahon/Hogan feud, and it was a natural fit. Until a few weeks later, when HBO aired that documentary and Roddy's interview, and even though Roddy warned WWE about it, they released him abruptly all the same.
  
• though he never admitted it, his kids knew Roddy was incredibly proud to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame in 2005 and even spent weeks work shopping his speech.
  
• his brief return to wrestling in 2006 (when he and Flair won the tag titles) may have actually prolonged his life. It was discovered while on tour in the UK, that Roddy was wrestling with a partially fractured spine, with bone chips splintering out. He was forced to drop the titles quickly but the surgery he recieved may not have come in time if he wasn't wrestling, since it was clear that he was dealing with that injury for a long time at that point.
  
• Roddy didn't seem to enjoy his time while filming the WWE reality show "Legends House" as it seemed to just remind him of old ghosts. But he did bond with his roommate Hacksaw Jim Duggen, who along with Sgt Slaughter, were the only 2 wrestlers that the kids remember visiting Roddy at his home in his later years.
  
• even though it was clear to Roddy, his kids, wife, and friends that something was wrong with him, he refused to go see a doctor. And after a few weeks or months of slowing deteriorating before everyone's eyes, the blood clot that was killing him finally did him in. The night before he passed, he called Bruce Pritchard to tell him he loved him, that he wasn't feeling well and they would speak soon.
  
• the rumor of Chyna drunkenly crashing Roddy's funeral is just not true. Roddy and Chyna shared the same lawyer, and were close in their final years as both were sober after many, many years of addiction issues. Roddy did get clean, and was a great grandfather and father, he never cheated on his wife, and very few people really had anything bad to say about him. He would always tell people that hadn't seen his best yet...
  

It has been 36 years since Cathy's body was found on a popular, reportedly safe trail in a small town in Northern Arizona known as Prescott.
Despite being a moderately difficult trek, Thumb Butte Trail #33 is a heavily used hiking trail in the Prescott National Forest. The forest is known for its mild weather, cool ponderosa pines, and a variety of trails that offer hikers, horseback riders, and mountain bikers several routes of varying difficulties. However, Thumb Butte Trail #33 is open to hikers only.
Cathy Sposito was 23 years old and new to the Prescott area. She had moved from Brooklyn, New York, to attend Prescott College. Because very little is known about Cathy, we can only theorize as to what motivated such a drastic move, but Prescott College is a member of the EcoLeague, a six-college consortium of ecologically-focused liberal arts colleges dedicated to modeling sustainability through their operations. Although there aren’t any New York colleges associated with the consortium, it's still quite unique. Since its inception in 1966, attending students have always had a reputation for being passionate about social justice and the environment as well as possessing and a keen sense of adventure. Cathy was certainly adventurous; she had moved across the country and friends knew she enjoyed mountain biking and walked along many of the trails near the college. According to Yavapai County Sheriff’s Office detective Ross Diskin, she was also an “artist on the side”.
The night before her death, Cathy had dinner with friends in Prescott and mentioned her plan to hike Thumb Butte.
On June 13th, 1987, at 7 AM, Cathy rode her mountain bike to the trailhead and began her planned hike. A short time later, a fellow group of hikers who also happened to be on the trail heard screams and raced to help. But they couldn’t reach her in time. Twenty minutes later, Cathy’s body was found, with no one else in sight. It was later determined that she died as a result of blunt force trauma.
The case has been a priority for YCSO, but there are few leads and they are holding their cards close to their chest. While specific details on the homicide other than the manner of death have not been released, the detective mentioned she was “brutally, I mean brutally killed”. Police have also mentioned that they are looking for a small-caliber handgun that was involved in the homicide. They believe it could have been dumped in the area between Thumb Butte Trail and Castle Canyon. Any possible motives have never been released.
YCSO is offering a $10,000 reward for any information on the murder. They are hopeful that new DNA technology can help solve this cold case.
Last year, Cathy’s brother Sal Sposito, visited the crime scene with Detective Diskin to share any updates on the investigation and touch base with the family. Her brother asks that anyone with information on this case to do the right thing and contact the Sheriff’s Office or Silent Witness.
If you or anyone you know has any information that you think could be relevant, please contact the Yavapai County Silent Witness Program. It’s never too late to come forward and bring Cathy’s family some peace.
Call Yavapai Silent Witness at +1 (800) 932-3232 or submit a tip at www.yavapaisw.com. All callers are anonymous and will not have to testify.
https://www.allaboutarizonanews.com/arizona-cold-case-investigation-remains-active-detectives-seeking-information/
https://veritycreates.medium.com/on-the-trail-of-a-killer-the-murder-of-cathy-sposito-a31f7ff49704
https://www.williamsnews.com/news/2020/jun/11/cold-case-murder-prescotts-thumb-butte-trail-still/
https://www.abc15.com/news/region-northern-az/prescott/unsolved-murder-college-student-killed-by-unknown-suspect-on-prescott-hike-in-1987

Instead, pistol-whipping should be done with the gun held in an ordinary manner, hitting the target with an overhand strike from either the long, heavy barrel of the gun or the side of the gun in the area of the cylinder. It was a fairly common and highly successful way to knock a man unconscious (assisted by the heavy weight of the handguns of the day), and was known as "buffaloing", with the verb form being "to buffalo".
References "Pistol whipping", Random House Unabridged Dictionary "Fifty Years Among the New Words: by John Algeo, p. 142, from vol. 30 (1955), no. 4 of the American Speech, the journal of the American Dialect Society The Trampling Herd: The Story of the Cattle Range in America by Paul Iselin Wellman (1988) ISBN 0-8032-9723-8, p. 196 The True Life Wild West Memoir of a Bush-popping Cow Waddy, by Charley Hester, Kirby Ross, 2004, ISBN 0-8032-7346-0, Chapter 14: "Buffaloing"
https://military-history.fandom.com/wiki/Pistol-whipping

Chest Rigs vs. Plate Carriers.
This is a debate I have seen brought up frequently. It's an important one and I think there's a lot of misconceptions and misgivings about armor and what a civilian actually needs.
A lot of people frame it as "Plate carriers are superior, they're an upgrade to chest rigs for people that can afford it." Others frame it as "Plate carriers will save your life, didn't you see the video of the ISIS fighter taking a round through the lungs and being made into portable cover?"
I've had three plate carriers and two sets of plates. I never really liked wearing them, I've always found even with swimmer cut plates, it's harder to properly shoulder a rifle. Those milliseconds matter, and in a panicked situation getting your buttstock caught on a plate can get you killed. Most plates are between 0.7 and 1.1" thick. This makes quickly donning and doffing a backpack harder, hiking packs can no longer be strapped on over the chest. You need to get a longer sling and the thick plates make transitioning with slings more difficult. Plate carriers need to worn high to be effective, which means your magazines and placard will be higher up as well. This is a bit annoying for mag changes, and also brings all your gear closer up where it can start to interfere with things like slings/packs.
Plates are heavy. Say goodbye to carrying any sort of load with you like watefood/ammo. You are sacrificing 10-15lbs of gear. That is significant. THAT IS MORE THAN 600 ROUNDS OF 5.56.
"Ok, ok, Mr. Thug Baker," you say - "but you're forgetting that plates will save your life.!"
No, they won't.
Situation 1: Boogaloo
Your plates take 4 hits but because people don't just shoot a couple of rounds at you the riot police at the 2028 Charlotte NC protest shot 7 rounds at you because you turned a corner with a rifle and scared him. You now have a gunshot wound in your arm and one in your abdomen. You are alive, and will likely remain alive, but now you're in handcuffs on the way to police custody at Sammy Ross trauma center. Even if you got away, you aren't going to be able to get treatment without getting arrested.
Situation 2: SHTF
Your plates take a few hits but the force from Bubba's .308 cracked a couple of ribs and you took another round to the leg and there isn't a doctor around who you can go to to fix these issues. Even if you survive your life is now going to be very painful.
"Ok, but they still give you a better chance of survival than a chest rig!"
Not quite.
In situation 1, you didn't ever turn that corner because you weren't feeling panicked and lightheaded and sore from the 14 pounds of armor you had on and never trained to carry, and even if you did, you were quick enough to immediately jump back and run away.
In situation 2, you weren't shot by Bubba's .308 because you were running a good 5mph faster and were able to reach cover faster. You were also more observant of your surroundings because the armor wasn't distracting you with it's weight, and being so far up on your body.
"So then just train in your armor and you'll learn to overcome it?"
Even if you spend 10 months training with your armor, which you won't, because most redditors won't do this, you can train 10 months with a chest rig and still be more nimble than if you weren't wearing the armor AND you can spend that 10 pounds of plate on more food, ammo, etc.
The absolute most braindead take I see on here is people saying "If you're expecting to get shot at, or are going to be in a place where you could be shot, wear plates."
Why in the FUCK are you going to a place where the chances of being shot at are significant? Have you tried not getting shot at? I swear, people are getting the idea that having a plate carrier is going to make you invincible. Guess what? It's not. Only 30% of your body is covered by armor. Do you know how big your legs are? Choosing a chest rig over armor is going to keep yourself a whole lot more honest about your mortality.
"OK, so you're saying plate carriers are useless?"
Absolutely not! Plate carriers are great for ONE THING.
Home defense.
In a home defense situation, you can take a gunshot to the leg without it ruining your life. You can forego carrying extra equipment, you can spend that weight on armor. You're going to be in a static position.
So, I guess, paradoxically, plate carriers are the best choice for most of the population. But you should not spend more than $400 on a full set. That's right. $200 level 4 heavy ass thick plates, and a $200 carrier. No mag pouches, no fancy cuts. Just a simple carrier that's quick to put on and that you can aim a handgun with.

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Prisma Reyes was a 26-year-old mother and veteran who went missing on April 17, 2019 in Dallas, Texas. She was last seen on surveillance video entering the parking garage of the Olympus at Ross apartment complex, where her ex-boyfriend lived, around 6 p.m. that day. She never picked up her 6-year-old son, Dominic, from his babysitter's house in Old East Dallas that evening.
Reyes had left her job at a car dealership for lunch around noon and met her ex-boyfriend at the E Bar Tex Mex restaurant on North Haskell Avenue. The man left, but Reyes stayed at the restaurant and continued drinking until she was asked to leave by the staff. She was also involved in a verbal road rage incident with another driver nearby and was seen pointing a gun at motorists in traffic.
The Mesquite Police Department is leading the investigation with the help of Dallas Police and the Texas Rangers. They have interviewed hundreds of people in the case, but have not found any solid leads or suspects. They suspect foul play may have been involved in her disappearance.
Reyes' family is desperate to find her and fears something bad happened to her. They have offered a $25,000 reward for information leading to her whereabouts or an arrest in the case. They also hope to raise awareness about her case and keep her memory alive.
Reyes is described as a Hispanic female, 5 feet 2 inches tall, weighing 135 pounds, with brown hair and brown eyes. She was wearing a red polo shirt and blue jeans when she disappeared. Anyone with information about her case is urged to call the Mesquite Police Department at 972-285-6336 or Crime Stoppers at 1-877-373-8477.
Family worried foul play involved in disappearance of daughter
Prisma Reyes’ Disappearance Haunts Family Three Years Later
Missing Mesquite woman Prisma Reyes: Police release new video
Update:
This article, posted yesterday, contains more info. This, specifically, is interesting:

When the police found her Jeep, her handgun was still inside. They also noticed the Jeep was not registered in Prisma’s name but to an unknown male who had been married for 10 years and was one of the last people Prisma called before she went missing. Phone records show a call to him within the last 24 hours of her last being seen. Police have not released a lot of information on this man, and it's unclear whether he was a close friend of Prisma or if the two were romantically involved.

EDIT: here is a spreadsheet of a detailed timeline leading up to Prisma’s disappearance.

Summary: On a hunt for murder hornets in the Pacific Northwest during the early days of 2020, a park ranger discovers hell is full.
Hell Is Full
I didn't want to be a park ranger but that's where I ended up. Sometimes you can run right into something you can do, some place to be and stew and its just second nature but you don't love it you just have nothing better to do. I just finished my two weeks notice and now I'm off again and I do hope I find something new soon.
I need warn you about the things I saw out there in the forests, what they can hide, what they can help you hide in yourself. If they can crop up here, they can crop up where ever. I suppose if you just follow the stories, you'll start figuring the boundaries of places you should not cross into – whether its the forests or somewhere in your mind. Here's one of them. Here's what happened to me.
Yes, the murder hornets are terrifying. They're are among the many gifts received in 2020. They're almost two inches long, aggressive, equipped with stingers a quarter of an inch long, brimming with lethal venom. The sound of their wings whipping the air is pure nightmare fuel.
Lost in the Covid-19 news cycles are the ecological implications of the hornets taking a foothold in the United States as an invasive species. Not only were they a direct threat to people but they could significantly damage the population of honey bees, and thus, the crops dependent on them for the bee's pollination.
Teams of entomologists and park rangers, working under state and federal departments of agriculture have been scouring the woods of the pacific northwest for their nests since their arrival. So far these teams have eliminated three large nests, hundreds of hornets, and thousands of larvae – among them, most importantly, dozens of queens.
It was Monday, three weeks ago. I woke up the same way I did every day since my girlfriend and her daughter was killed. I woke up as scalding, bitter, and dark as the coffee that stained my last clean shirt and last clean pants. I had to go into the station that way, and trust me no one said anything to me. No one dared.
I got my new assignment. These teams of experts tracked the murder hornets into my state park and I was ordered to lead them around, show them the likely places they would go. This park was hundreds of acres of dense deciduous forest through misty, mossy, hilly terrain I honestly didn't know where to start.
Naturally, after all of a single minute surveying the various maps hung up in the ranger lodge, the lead entomologist pointed to the Devil's Mound and said with unflinching certainty they would likely be nesting here. Even though most of us were on stay at home and on the zoom calls said they couldn't wait for an assignment, everyone else turned this one down – such is the mistrust the Devil's Mound breeds. We all heard the stories. They went back at least a year and a half. The eerie sounds, the eerie shadows, the feeling of being watched, even the feeling of being hunted. It went way beyond Sasquatch stories, there were strange smells, rangers even told me they felt the earth shake out there despite no seismological or volcanic activity.
Of course it wasn't just us, the rangers, it was campers and hikers too. We had to med-evac a guy who said he reached the top of the cliff faces and was helped up by a man without a head, in his terror and panic he plummeted to the ground and suffered severe injury. A different time a young couple came running to a patrol and told us they saw a dozen bodies hung from large branches along one of the adjacent trails. Naturally, when we arrived to the spot, we found no trace of the bodies.
The most mystifying and brutal case happened just before the lock down when we found a middle aged couple with a child face down dead on the trial – for no apparent reason. We even thought perhaps the virus got them while they were on a hike but to this day no viruses, bacteria, poison, wounds or other reason has emerged for why they simply dropped dead. Foul play of some kind was suspected since none of them had any ID, wallets, purses, or money of any kind – then their bodies disappeared from the morgue and we recovered no records of them even coming into the park.
I didn't believe in that stuff and I said that more than a few times when it came up during in personal conversations and later zoom debriefings. I had been through the Mound and up it dozens of times during my tenure and at least eight times since the stories started. I never saw or heard anything scarier than what was already in my head. So, the murder hornet hunt fell to me and the eager intern, Julia Gidden, who pleaded for an exception to the stay at home orders to get out of the house. The entomologist team was similarly sparse, only two – Dr. Anita Ross and her graduate student Ray Dunn. While Dr. Ross and Mr. Dunn were on time, well equipped to eliminate a nest, track additional hornets, and camp, Gidden showed up just before we got into the pick up truck with very little. She didn't know didn't what she signed up for until she got there and then she revealed that she was afraid of bees. “Bad news for you”, I told her as I slapped the tailgate up and announced our departure.
It would take a slow 4x4 trek to the mouth of the Devil's Mound hiking trail. From there were be on foot only. The whole expedition was scheduled to take up to two days, a day to get half way around the mound and then the second day to finish the trail loop.
I crept along the narrow rutted trail admiring the ghostly curtain of gray mist hanging around the trees, blotting out the sun. Dr. Anita was surprising chatty. There was something about Ph.Ds and entomology that made me think overrated and overpaid exterminator and I expected her to be as quiet or at least as basic as one. She kept on talking about the hornets and about how they make nests in tree trunks and how she basically brought along a ghost busters trap to vacuum them out. She said they had to be studied, especially their diets and nest composition to see how well they were adapting to the Pacific Northwest and whether the government's worst case scenario was justified or not. She was very enthusiastic about her job as she rattled on about how exhilarating it was to track the third most venomous flying insect in the world on new terrain and during a once in a lifetime global pandemic no less. She shoved a short video of the nest eradication in my face even those I was focused on not slipping out of the misty slick barely present groves of the narrow truck trail.
“This gets everyone!” she exclaimed as the video transitioned from plastic wrapping the nest, to sucking out the live hornets into a clear plastic dust-buster like bin to them breaking up the nest and finding the larvae. The larvae were, I'll admit here, fairly disgusting. They looked like white puss-filled rubbery springs which pulsated and curled around inside the cells of the nest.
I really didn't say anything and focused on the drive as tried to hold the phone steady in my field of vision. She shrugged and put the phone away, apparently disappointed in my lack of reaction. “You must have seen a lot. Or don't care. Sorry,” she laughed, “I'm used to getting a reaction out of people cuz you know – bugs.”
“I'm just focused you know.” I said.
“Yeah, sorry, you're right to be focused,” she said, “you know, I figured a couple months into basically no non-digital human contact and maybe I'm a little starved for said human contact.”
“Well, maybe if we find an actual nest, I'll be less disappointing. Scout's honor.”
“What a boy scout.” Anita replied.
I stopped the truck at the end of the truck trail. The trees were taller, thicker, denser and so was the mist. I warned everyone to make any last minute calls or social media contacts now because the network got very spotty past this point. Ray made some crack about the hornets, COVID, and the 5G network reception but it didn't land how he thought it would and no one, not even Anita, laughed. We started the trail, socially distanced the best we could. I took point and let Julia take up the rear. The Anita and her student fiddled with some sort of tracking device for a tagged hornet. We came up upon only the first mile marker of the trail when I stopped everyone to perform an official duty.
I called Julia up to the front with me to see what I was seeing. “Holy shit!” she exclaimed as we gazed upon the ungodly number of empty beer cans, wine bottles, and liquor bottles littering the next one hundred feet of the path. I pulled my reporting app on my phone and asked her make a report on what she was seeing. She counted at least five dozen pieces of contraband. I asked her how recent this likely occurred. She came back with no immediate answer. Then I barked, “Recently, probably within the past week, probably less”. She asked me how I could tell that and I said, its been wet, rainy, and most of the labels were intact and none had sunk very deep into the mud. I grumbled to myself as I took photos of it for the report. “This could have happened as recently as hours ago in fact.” “Hours ago.” Julia murmured, “But the park has been closed for almost two months.”
I sent an email request for backup. I had a job to do and I intended to do it. If that meant murder hornet locating or removing a giant covid frat party out of the park, or even just cleaning this alcoholic trash from the trail I was going to do it. Something was still very wrong and very strange. I kept looking for foot prints and any other signs that the bottles didn't somehow rise out of the ground itself and I found none. Adding more confusion to the situation was the license plate – an Illinois license plate all the way out here – a bent vanity plate that simply had three numbers on it “1 4 1”.
My heart accelerated and my eyes burned red. I fell away from the forest and the assignment. I couldn't breathe. I just wanted to somehow crumble up that license plate with my bare hands and stomp every booze container into the mud until glass went through my boots or hands sliced themselves open. I didn't understand the “1 4 1” at that point but I suddenly felt like this was too much coincidence. It felt like I was being played with. It was all coming back. The injustice of it, loss, and the lack of closure. The urge to run, this time to the other side of this continent, struck me like a heart attack.
“Hey!” Anita yelled at me as she kicked through the trash, “I've got hornets I've got to eliminate before new queens hatch and they make more nests. I'm glad you have the intense love for nature - rivaling a Keep America Beautiful ad but I need the stoic boy scout from the truck right now.”
I slowly clawed my way out of the cave the beer cans and license plate sent me spiraling into. I submitted the report and stuck the license plate into a free compartment in my bag. I took a big swig of water from my canteen and tried to lose myself in the sheets of mist. Julia said something to Anita but I wasn't listening close enough to know what it was.
There was something soothing and cleansing about the mist wafting about and the sound of my boots crunching through the soft trail. It hit my eyes and streamed down and I could swallow heavy in peace. I past many miles with my head up into the canopy watching birds and small rodents scurry about. The longer we hiked, the more likely the hornet they were tracking was nested on the far side of the mound.
We found a clearing where someone or something etched in the sand the phrase “hell is full” with the piece of someone's broken side view mirror. Inspected a piece of it and it said, “objects in mirror are closer than they appear”. I put what remained of it in my sack beside the mysterious license plate I picked up earlier.
We didn't find the hornets on the first leg of the hike. Night came so we made camp. The protocols demanded four separated tents. Honestly, I probably would have demanded it anyway. I set up the campfire. Julia and Ray roamed the edge of our campsite and seemed to bond while playing some monster catching app on their phones. I was mesmerized by the silver glitter of the misty moon streaming through the break in the canopy.
Anita tossed her camp cushion over the camp fire and took a seat next to me. I asked her what the verdict was, whether we were going to finish the trail or loop or head back the way we came. She told me that either the tracking device or the tracker on the hornet stopped working. Anita seemed pretty indifferent about it. If it wasn't for the seemingly targeted littering, I would have been fine being out here but ever moment I thought about the stuff made me grind my teeth. Whether they decided to come back the way we came or press on blindly through the rest of the looping trail tomorrow, I just wanted this to be over and I told her that. Then I asked her if she was worried that she wasted a precious opportunity to smash the nest and queens. That's the nature of nature she told me. “Sometimes it chaotic”, she said. “I'm surprised a boy scout like you hasn't come to some kind of peace about that,” she said. I felt something touch my forehead and my first thought was that must be a mosquito and my first instinct was to smash the blood sucker. Anita fanned the mosquito off my forehead and then missed clapping it in mid air.
“That's the best part of being in entomology, you actually can squish the things that bug you but more often than not, its better to brush it aside before doing so.” She smiled at me before looking away somewhat embarrassed, “entomology humor.” she said, “some times it lands, some times it flies.” She shrugged. “Anyway, sorry about dragging you out here for nothing maybe you're happier locked down.”
Maybe it was her face, maybe it was the moment in the woods, maybe it was just why not today be the day I open up about it but then it wasn't. I just sat there and tried to pretend like she wasn't there. It was long awkward moment which only ended when Anita announced she had to go find a bush. I nervously tapped my spoon on my folding camp bowl and wondered if I should just go to bed but then I realized I was still, essentially the host, and I needed to be up to put the fire out.
I sat there listening to the pops, whistles, and crackle of the fire next the symphony of insects. I stoked it and tossed on more branches and then sat back down. I thought to myself, I'd have to lean into it and feel the heat and bitter smoke of the leaping off of the flames. Fall asleep the way I woke up, burning.
I leaned forward and heard Anita return. I didn't look at her or say anything to her until a few moments after she sat down and her weight fell into me. I knew she had some kind of crush for me but this was becoming unprofessional but I didn't want to be unprofessional or even unkind in return even if it worsening my mental circumstances – my grief, my loss, my rage. I cleared my throat, searched for the right words to reject her advance, and tried to push back against her weight but then I noticed how cold she was. The pressure wasn't a gentle understanding squeeze, it felt like the dead weight of a buck resting against my back.
“Anita, I don't think this is social distancing...” I said as I turned into her floppiness. In one swift collapse her body rolled off of mine and into view on the ground next to the fire. I jumped up, whipped out my flashlight and shown it on her. I instinctively took a prone position prepared to start first aid. With the first flutter of the flashlight beam I returned to my standing stance in horror. It wasn't Anita. It was a woman in her late 20's with glassy blood shot eyes and gaping lifeless mouth, a crushed pelvis and compound fracture in left arm. She was bleeding from the forehead with a clear skull indentation with a piece of glass or crystal embedded in just above the crater. It was the car wrecked managed corpse of my deceased girlfriend, Janice.
In the wake of my first involuntary blink she was gone. Poof. I left out a loud groan and then choked on my dry mouth as I called out for Anita, Julia, and Ray. I was so terrified I reached for handgun but I remembered we weren't carrying them during the lock down. I pointed my flashlight behind me into the rustling brush. I called out for all of them again, and then I wondered if the reinforcements I called for earlier caught up with us so I started calling the names of rangers I thought would respond.
I was absolutely losing it as I wiped my flashlight towards any sound. On the far side of the camp I saw a shorter woman I thought was Julia. “Julia!” I cried out. The girl lifted her head up and turned towards me. As she turned I noticed her head was crooked on her neck or her neck was broken. My trembling beam reflected off of bits of glass and metal embedded with bloody hair on the side of her face. I swallowed as I realized this wasn't Julia, it was Janice's slain daughter Ramora. In the same blink of my eye Ramora vanished. I darted into the woods after the apparition with only the flashlight to guide me. Ahead of me I saw faint light of a campfire. I wondered if all of this was some sort of elaborate sick prank, played by someone who what happened, played by someone who found out where I went. When I reached the source of the fire I quickly realized that I was back in my clearing, my campsite, my campfire. The fire illuminated the dark red finger painting dripping down the sides of the small tents - “hell is full” and “1 4 1”. This had to be a dream.
“It's not a dream. Hell is full. Didn't you see the sign?” A young man's voice fluttered around me. It was not Ray's voice or any voice I recognized. A thin figure seemed to rise up from behind the campfire. It was a male in his early 30s, wearing a Nirvana t shirt, a faded green jacket, and ripped jeans. His face looked gaunt, seasick, and painted with dark circles under his eyes. I recognized him from his photo they printed in the newspaper.
“Someone finally pulled the plug on you?” I said. “Too bad I couldn't do it. So now you're in hell where you belong. You took everyone from me. You know that!”
Jack Coughlin raised a bottle of whiskey to his lips and followed up with a drag off a cigarette as he stumbled around the fire and fell back into Anita's cushion.
“You know at first, I was happy to finally – well you know.” Jack slid his finger across his throat, “At least in Hell, you feel something. I couldn't really the tell the difference between being alive and being in the coma, it was meaningless, do this, do that, don't do this that, can't do that. So hard to find that you know – life is worth losing – but like so many things, its hard to do it yourself.”
“Then go back to hell where you belong. You killed – you killed a wonderful, smart young woman and a beautiful little girl and you don't even care.”
“I wouldn't say I didn't care. I was nothing until I met – what were their names?”
“Met!?” I growled, “Met! Before you drunkenly slammed your truck into them, you mean just so...so what you can, so that you could – what? Feel something too?”
“I know I'm a sick puppy. But like so many things in my life, trust me, it wasn't intentional. You know, it was like, you know, Jesus take the wheel. Anyway, sorry you had to see them. The Devil helped me out with that. Don't worry, he hasn't seen them, so far as I know. Probably had that engagement ring diamond stuck in her forehead as a real kicker – some guess work on his part. You guys weren't actually engaged, right? Like engaged to be in engaged?”
“I loved her and I loved her daughter. She was trying to do something...something you couldn't possibly understand. She was going to start over, start better, with me. She wasn't going around on some sort of self destructive rampage.”
“Oh please. Like she's never drove over the legal limit. Like you never did anything out of sadness or anger or just for selfish fun.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” “Everything!” Jack threw up his arms, “Hell is full. I'm on parole, if I find someone worse than myself, I can stay out. One For One. I figure if its not you, maybe its Ray, or Julia, maybe Anita. I guess three more chances but I think its you. What are you doing out here anyway?”
“I was running but now, I know. I'm gonna send you back to hell.” I pulled my sleeves and stomped towards Jack. Jack flinched, threw up his hands, and turned his head away, “c'mon man, can't we just figure this out - like over a beer or something?”
He drove me into shaking rage as my mind raced with terrible things I wanted to do to him. Then Jack tossed his liquor bottle at my head. I ducked with the corner just skimming my hair. In that moment of hesitation Jack threw his small fists into my gut. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe he had the kind if strength to knock me on my ass and knock the wind out of me like that. Jack followed up with a kick to my side before he retreated around the fire.
“C'mon, you've been wanting to do this – every waking moment of your life for the past year and half.” Jack taunted me. “Send me back, drag me into the fire. Its an express elevator down, where I belong.” Jack charged me and I shoved him aside with on arm and then reached in for a blow to his head. He backed off and staggered a bit as blood flowed from his hairline. He looked up at me and smiled. He bent down and scooped up shards of his broken whiskey bottle and pressed them into his head. The shards rippled into flesh and his head appeared totally healed.
“Too bad,” he said, “when I'm done with you, Anita is next.” Then he charged me and knocked me down. I reached up and tried to kick him off but I was overpowered by his strength. He stepped towards the fire and grabbed me by my legs and hoisted most of my body off the ground and dragged me towards the flames.
Anita flashed in my mind. I felt a knot in my stomach as my feet started to burn and the flames crept up my pants and singed my leg hair like tiny fuses igniting my terror. The mosquito and Jack. I never met Jack. I just had a feeling that this wasn't Jack. This was how I thought Jack would be. How I built him up and how I wanted him when I knocked him down, when slapped him dead on my forehead just any other blood sucker. It drove me half way across the country, it drove me to being miserable every morning, every afternoon and every evening of my life. It brought the devil to me.
I exhaled and took a breath as my boots melted and my pants smoldered. “Jack Coughlin,” I cried out, “I forgive you.” The words kind of slipped out. The burn in my legs began to subside and the knot in my stomach pulled free. At first I was in disbelief with myself, Jack Coughlin wasn't worthy of it. But was I worthy of it? Was I worthy of letting go? I was. Whatever had become of the real Jack Coughlin – is and still would be far worse than anything I could put him through. Yes, he made me suffer but now I was making myself suffer. So I yelled it out again. “Jack Coughlin I forgive you.”
Jack let me go and I kicked my way out of the fire and back to my camp seat. Jack, or whatever it was, stepped back into the fire and vanished. I breathed calmer and calmer by the second. As if by magic my boots, pants, and legs were unharmed.
“Hey boy scout Ranger Oberman,” I jumped a bit but then I recognized Anita's voice. “Fire's getting a little low.”
I chuckled out loud. I chuckled. It felt so natural, so easy, so healthy now. “Call me Tom.” I said as I got up to tend it.
We didn't find any murder hornet nets on the far side of the trail. The reinforcements I called in never found a mound of liquor and beer bottles and the license plate and side mirror I recovered have disappeared. On the walk back, I found the misty weeping forest stifling and I resolved to resign, which I did. I guess I'm not running, I'm just moving on.
I checked up on Jack Coughlin and met his mother on a call. Her mother was profusely apologetic for the actions of her son and wished she had got him more help before he took so much life. Apparently, medically speaking, Jack was still alive. She shared a photo of his slouched over body. In a moment of a candid stream of consciousness she reported that he was the dying the way his was living, in a coma. I couldn't help but feel irritated that Jack was somehow benefiting from this. The feed glitched a second. I felt a wave of heat blowing at my feet. Then I let it go. The feed glitched again and she was crying again. I eventually told her what I had told the devil.
I'm going somewhere now and if not for the pandemic, I feel like I got a fresh start. Fresh starts are never easy. But it is better than drawing out a hell for yourself. Take it from me, Hell is what you make of it, Hell can be where you make it, Hell, rather than home could be where the heart is and you can find yourself there with ease. And despite what it might tell you, Hell isn't full, Hell is very very hungry.
​
Theo Plesha

“Oh! My! Gosh! Did-you-see-that?!” Chanelle squeak-shrieked into her boyfriend’s ear.
Au’Quaireeus, “Q” to his friends and acquaintances of dubious character and spelling skills, leaned away from her in annoyance, his ears all but ringing. “What’s wrong with you, mutha-fu… uh, girl?! Why you be hollerin’ like that, bitc… uh, ‘Nelle?”
Chanelle, pointed toward the window, a large one for a manufactured home built in the primitive era that had produced the one in which she and Q were currently ensconced. She trembled and shook and shrank closer to his form as he grimaced and looked in turn.
“Man…, I don’t seen nothin’, just dark and some… well, dark.” He frowned in distracted wonder for a moment. The Pine Shadows Manufactured Housing Park facilities and residents typically displayed a number of lights, primarily strings of LED and dim security bulbs, strung by the mostly decent but impoverished residents, for whom Q was the most frightening feature of their existences. Currently, the illuminations seemed to be obscured and as his blood returned to normal circulation, Q grew curious. A sickly yellow halo cast from the nearest pole light silhouetted…. something. He wasn’t sure what it was but realized why Chanelle must have observed it and freaked; she was pretty high strung or strung out… whatever. His mouth hung open in the way that indicated his attempt to cogitate… it was an unaccustomed endeavor, so it took him a deal of effort; besides which, he’d indulged in a few “party favors” to whet his appetite for what he’d though Chanelle was finally prepared to offer… either way, he’d intended to have some fun.
Now, he didn’t know whether he hallucinated or was mistaken… he was sure that it had to be the latter. What he saw… what he continued to see… could not be anything other than a mistake, an illusion cast by a combination of high emotions, impaired perceptions, and poor lighting. The blazing eye that shone in profile, the long face, the immense height, the steam or smoke the issued from the nostrils… like a werewolf from the movies… he finally concluded.
Chanelle continued to stare, then squeak-shrieked again, “It’s staring at us…! what the fu…” she trailed off her astute observation and continued to return the gaze of… the thing. Then she saw its lips curl and it revealed a row of teeth that were far too large for any creature known to her. For that matter, the beast’s head rested high above where a normal person’s profile would. “Them teeth and that eye…. It ain’t right, it’s like, too big!”
Q, having figured out that what he saw was beyond the normal range of hallucinations and having further concluded that any such unnatural monstrosity posed a danger, reached a conclusion on what he should do: his natural solution for most vexing problems. He fished among his outer wear from earlier in the evening, that was now piled untidily on the floor. He managed to find what he needed: his nerve… in the form of a .380 semi-automatic pistol, manufactured in some East European nation or former nation. He’d employed it often to shore up his failing courage and when he carried it, he felt like a true gangstah. He raised the muzzle toward the window, yet even the dim bulb in his brain, far weaker than the outdoor lighting, flashed in warning that it would be stupid to blow out the glazing, when the door was just feet from the portal. “I think… it’s a were… werewolf,” he stammered as he moved to open the door. He pushed the panel outward, and it slammed against the side of the venerable housing option. He emptied the magazine of all six rounds he’d bothered to put into the little weapon... it would have held two more, but he knew that “guns supposed to hol’ 6”. As he fired, the sharp little reports added to the cacophony of chaos caused by ‘Nelle’s screeches and shouts and the various responses of neighbors. The tiny world of he and his erstwhile date transformed into an abode of terror.
Chanelle did her part. Her squeak-screeches evolved into genuine screams of abject fear, as she encouraged her latest paramour to, “Kill it, Q! Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!”
**** * ****
“El-Tee, thanks for coming over so fast. R.P., one of them, is a known felon and has open warrants, to include for Assault on a Public Servant and Resisting Arrest, so, based on the new policy…” Sgt. Boothe let her comment trail off into space. Lt. Hornbuckle knew the policy well, since he’d authored it. A fact neither unknown nor unappreciated by the Sgt.
He grinned at her, “Thank you, Sgt. it was a good call on your part. Have we informed him yet that after he’s done with his witness statement, he’s under arrest?”
Boothe shook her head, “No sir we thought that would sidetrack him. He’s already not making much sense. We have eyes on some items in that trailer of his. Apparently, he treated his latest ‘ho’, er, girlfriend, to some of his finest homegrown. He must really like this one, gave her some of his vintage Night Train, too. Oh, and he shot up his own front door with a handgun he’s not allowed to possess as a felon. Poor old Q is not having a good night and it’s about to get worse. I think he’s likely just having some paranoid side effects; he likes to lace his goodies…. but… never know with that dude.”
Hornbuckle grimaced, “Q ensured that a couple of our deputies and one of the Grogan City Officers had a bad night when he earned that warrant. Turnabout is fair play. Paranoid hallucinations or not, I’d like to hear the latest strange tale from him, so maybe we can get him to tell it once more, then we’ll have two recordings. Everyone is rolling on bodycams?”
Boothe arched an eyebrow, “You know we know how to roll, boss. Let’s go. I responded with Deputy Walls, so I got to hear the first version by Chanelle. It’s literally a wild story. Oddly close to what Q had to say.” She smirked a little in anticipation of what her manager was about to hear and wondered what his reaction would be… priceless, she guessed.
**** * ****
“I tell, you, I ain’t lyin’! It was a straight-up fuc… er, monkster… like a movie or some-pin’, man.” Q insisted when he saw the blank expression on Lt. Hornbuckle’s face.
After a moment, Hornbuckle shrugged. “Nobody called you a liar, Q. It’s just a weird tale. You say it looked like…?”
“A werewolf, dude! Like a big-assed effin’ dog but you know… on two legs like a dude. I shot that sumbitch and it disappeared. Can’t find no blood or nothing… like some kinda ghose… Never seen nothin’ that big.” He shook his head as if to clear the images. Hornbuckle nodded to Sgt. Boothe, then turned to walk over to speak with Chanelle. From behind, he heard Q exclaim, “Arrested? For what?! Why I’m already in handcuffs, man?” Then something about a right to defend his home with his tiny pistol. It didn’t matter, as far as the Lt. was concerned, his story had been a paranoid fantasy.
Then Chanelle told him pretty much the same tale, and just as Sgt. Boothe had indicated, it was reasonably consistent. “So, it was like, a big dog head. Way up tall.” She stretched to her full height and reached as high as her arm would extend above her head. “I never seen nothing that big. It’s like all up in the fog, too, like you know, it’s making fog come outta his mouff. When I first seen it, he was like, lookin’ in the window at us… big ol’ face, big teeth… and them eyes…. Like, crazy, Demon Eyes! I was like, nope, gotta get outta here! Then Q shoots it to pieces, but nothing happened.”
Q, barely in earshot, as he was escorted past, screamed his outrage at the former object of his affections, “What?! You crazy, bit…” His threats were curtailed by strong hands that quickly subdued him and marched him to the back end of a transport unit. He glared over his shoulder, “You so dumb, ‘Nelle! Why you gonna run your mouff?!”
Chanelle looked startled for a moment, then realizing her mistake attempted to correct the problem, “Oh, like I was sayin’, somebody, not Q, no way, he don’t gots no gun… somebody shot at that thang an’ it like runs, like right up into the woods, on two legs, and I was like just glad it be gone.”
After he’d thanked Chanelle and turned her attention back to the deputies who took her official statement, the Lt. met again with Sgt. Boothe. “Candi, did anyone else in the park see this thing?”
She shrugged. “I doubt it, but I’ll send Deputy Morris and the K-9 around to ask. Maybe the dog can pick up a scent.”
Hornbuckle nodded. He knew that the patrol dog on their shift was a sight hunter, but if anyone or anything still lingered in the area, Ranger might pick up a scent. He was perplexed. The stories from the two sub-erudite witnesses had been very consistent. They’d clearly observed… something. He heard a call on the radio to request that units respond to the Inside-Outside Travel Center for a disturbance, an intruder, perhaps both. The Dispatcher included that the caller had been nearly incoherent, and she was in the process of gathering more information.
**** * ****
The truck stop / convenience store was not far from the trailer park, and Hornbuckle made good time. While on the way, he phoned his boss, the Chief Deputy for the Patrol Division. Time to put some of the weight on other shoulders, he’d decided. It was early, but it felt like the beginning of a long shift. He had to leave a message, *“Chief, Ross Hornbuckle. Got some odd stuff happening. I’ll have more details shortly. Just wanted you to know that I’ll be calling later with updates. Checking out the second scene in a possibly related incident… unknown cause, but I’m feeling, “the vibe”. Check you soon.” * He wouldn’t normally bother his boss without something concrete, but he knew that the CD trusted him and would rather be in the loop than surprised.
He briefly activated the emergency lights on his otherwise “slick-top”, unmarked vehicle, to let the deputies on scene know he’d arrived. He saw two outlined forms investigating the back side of the building with flashlights, and he approached them first. One called out to him, “Hey, El-Tee. Babbin is inside talking with the store owner… maybe the owner’s brother or cousin? He wasn’t all that clear. Thought we should look around out here while the scene was hot. Short version: said he came out to empty the trash and something big came out of the woods. About seven or eight feet tall, had a long snout. Said it was covered in hair and maybe spots of blood. Eyes glowed yellow-green. It made some weird noises and chased him back inside the store.”
Ross nodded, “Any footprints?”
The deputies looked at one another sheepishly, then the spokesperson replied, “We haven’t checked… er, yet sir.” It took only a moment to find a partial print in the little portion of moist dirt near the dumpster. “Weird looking and pretty big, the talker opined.
Hornbuckle nodded. “I’ll go see if he has a camera that covers this area. Maybe we can catch the ‘monster’ on camera. Maybe get a glimpse of bloody hide and yellow-green eyes.” He soon found out that the camera covered the back door, but the owner didn’t think it useful to waste recording time on the dumpsters. A shadow seemed to intrude over the image of Javeed Patel, the Reporting Party. It was inconclusive, since lights illuminated the object that created the shadows from two angles, so that the dark images were overlain, though it was definitely large. Javeed was clearly in frame and clearly fleeing… or putting on a good show of it, and his shade was miniscule when compared to that of “The Monster”. The interior camera angles showed him run to the office as soon as he’d slammed the door shut behind him. His father was the manager but had been in the office during the encounter.
“I tell you it was very big. Very huge. Tall as an elephant. It came from the dark… silent until I saw it. Then it blew out a loud, strange noise and smoke blew into my face from high above… more than two meters, I tell you. It stank, worse than the dumpster and it had matted fur all over, very dark with spots of blood like it ate something alive and got splashed. I think it was a Bigfeet or a Forest Demon.” Javeed told his story for the fifth time. Each telling had seemed to calm him, so Hornbuckle and the Deputy Babbin let him repeat it.
The Lt. instructed the deputy to take a formal statement, then returned to his unit. Before he could call in that he was about to clear the scene, a large figure loomed out of the dark. Hornbuckle, caught a little off guard, halted and his hands hovered in a defensive posture above his waistline. The approaching figure, apparently even more startled, stumbled to a halt. “Hey, sorry officer, I drive that rig…” He looked back over his rounded shoulder to indicate a tractor-trailer near the big truck filling station. “So… I wasn’t going to say anything, but I could tell that Jay, the guy in the store, was shook up. I was, too, so… Look, this is going to sound crazy.” He paused and rubbed the back of his thick neck.
Ross gave him a reassuring look, “Can’t be worse than anything else I’ve heard tonight. Promise I won’t give you a hard time.”
The trucker looked relieved. “Thank you, sir. Look, I ain’t drunk or anything, got plenty of rest. It’s just that what I saw, or think I saw, is pretty weird and scary and kinda hard to believe. I was on my way to the travel center, one of my regular fuel stops, that’s how I know Jay. Anyway, on the way, I look over at the side of the road and this… thing, I dunno, some kind of creature, maybe a big ol’ hairy man…. But too big, and not… right, was standing at the side of the road, just inside some bushes. It was big. Maybe seven or eight feet tall. I pass stuff all the time and you know, I’m a pro driver, I know how to judge distances and sizes. I catch some eye shine, maybe yellow… not sure, it was fast. It looks a little… strange and maybe… this is one of the weird parts, it has a huge set of antlers.
“Then it gets scary. Thing starts running up on my passenger side. I’m in town, so I’m not going all that fast, but I check the mirror. It’s running alongside and gaining on my cab. There’s steam coming from it… I decide to swerve at it. I know I hit it, left a dent at the rear part of my cab. I look back, and it’s gone. Then not long after I pay and start to pump, I hear weird noises from behind the store. Loud and then Jay screaming… ‘S he gonna be alright? Jay, I mean?”
There was more and Hornbuckle sent to man to inside the store to see Babbin and to provide a formal statement and to get photos of his cab for both evidence and insurance purposes. He was about to clear and conduct a patrol sweep, since most of his crew was tied up on the two “invasion” scenes. Then the radio hissed, and Dispatch informed him that there had been another disturbance, this time with injuries, at a nearby set of rental cabins at the state park. He headed that way and pulled one of the units from the Travel Center and another from the trailer park for back-up. “The crazy is on!” He said to himself. “Spidey-sense is still working.”
**** * ****
“Austin, I’m telling you, there’s something outside the cabin. Can’t you hear that scraping along the walls?” Francesca cautioned her cabin mate.
Austin, ever the skeptic and in this case, uninterested in venturing outdoors in the dark, started to protest, when he heard the unmistakable sound of a hard, sharp, object dragged against the outside boards of the little rental cabin. The place was not all that solid, and the walls were only 1/3rd cut timber facade, not true logs, so the sounds were quite audible. He nodded, “Okay, probably just some animal, maybe a dog or something.” He offered.
Francesca was having none of his excuses this time. “You hear how high up it is? Besides, unless the dog has an iron garden rake, it can’t make those sounds. Let’s get the flashlights and the pepper spray and go see what it is.”
Austin stared at her for a moment, then found a last-minute stall. “First, we should call the local police, get some help headed this way.”
“We don’t need those redneck fascists. That’s why we took this break from the city, to get away from all the law and order… and maybe being caught on camera without our masks at that last protest.” Francesca shook her head. “Don’t worry, big guy, I’ll protect you.” With that, she triumphantly raised her device with the flashlight widget activated and her keychain pepper spray as she lumbered past her scrawny companion.
Austin shrugged. “I have the same kind of light, but I don’t have any spray… used it up when that group of PIGs tried to move us from in front of their station. “He glanced around the room, in a final, desperate prevaricating technique. “Oh, I can take my knife.”
“You have a knife? Like a big hunting…” Francesca quieted when Austin triumphantly hefted his own means of defense, a two-bladed folding utility knife with rounded tips for safety. She shrugged, “Okay, let’s go, I’ll turn on the porch light and then we spring out and yell at whoever or whatever it is to go away.”
**** * ****
EMS arrived first. They’d been hovering in the area after all the weird Dispatch calls. The crew knew that it was only a matter of time before someone was screaming and bleeding. Soon, a pair of frightened and unhappy campers were under immediate emergency care. Lt. Hornbuckle saw that the large female figure who loomed on the tiny porch of the cabin, stared sourly him and his deputies as they approached. The woman demanded to know, “So, what are those, fascists doing here? Like, I only told that Dispatcher that we wanted an ambulance, no cops.”
Hornbuckle stepped up to take care of the challenging work or handling the recalcitrant RP, while the deputies conducted a safety sweep of the gloomy cabin and its environs in which a monster may be lurking; much more pleasant than dealing with hostility towards uniforms. He grimaced. “Standard procedure, ma’am. We support our EMS teams as often as possible to ensure their safety as they go about their duties.”
She glared, her pock-marked and flabby expression, clearly interested in creating a conflict, but a whimper from her companion, followed by an “Oww… that hurts.” Interrupted her normally single-minded train of thought. She had only one track on her personal railway: it was either run full steam ahead or stay quiet and seethe. She shifted her ire-filled gaze toward Austin, who was clearly in distress. His face was flushed and covered in orange stains, and he bled from several small cuts on his hands.
Despite the thunderclouds of hostility that constantly threatened, Hornbuckle and one of the deputies managed to get a coherent statement from each of the couple by way of the EMTs. The medics often assisted in this way, it helped them to keep their subjects distracted with answering questions and provided them with potentially useful treatment information. Essentially, the two had charged out onto the little porch and Francesca had immediately tripped and fallen on the single stair that led down from the porch. Austin managed to stay on his feet but stood indecisively waving around his pocketknife. They reported that at about that time, the “Cryptid” arrived. Hornbuckle liked that better than “monster”. Fewer negative connotations and possibly less panic-inducing.
“It was like gigantic, and I was like, ‘No way’.” Austin continued his narrative. “So, I see this thing like stick out its head… way up high, and it was just a skull, with some antlers. Then Frannie like yells at it and sprays all over the place. Dunno why that worked, but it did. Sounded like it sneezed or something, then ran off into the trees.”
“Deputy Tucker nodded along in an “active listening technique”. “So, it was very tall, with a long skull for a face and antlers?”
Austin bobbed his head on his thin neck, “Yes sir, yes sir, I’ll never forget that face. All white and bony…” He shivered and Deputy Tucker adjusted his stance in case Austin finally decided to vomit his most recent meal.
“Austin, tell them how you got hurt again, I don’t think the gestapo here, believe you.” Francesca all but shrieked.
Austin was startled out of his imminent need to hurl his victuals and started to bob and wobble his head once again. “Francesca, like, sprayed the thing in the face but I’m between her and it. So, I like turn toward her and block the pepper spray with my face. I screamed and the windy-grow, or whatever you call those things, bellowed and bumped into me from behind. I fall to like, one side, and that’s how my hands get all cut and scraped. That’s when it like sneezed or snorted or whatever.” He shivered again, “ I thought it would get me then but it ran away.”
Francesca decided the rejoin the chorus at that moment, and pushed aside her long, straight, greasy locks, “Yeah, I was like face-to-face with that Cryptish thing, and it like, blows some kind of like smoke at me. So, I empty the can into the skull face, with the green eyes. It bellows again and like vanishes… nothing left but the smelly smoke… like it had rolled in garbage or something.”
**** * ****
* “Hey, Chief, thanks for the callback,” * Hornbuckle spoke wearily into his mobile device. * “Turned out the last RP had only minor injuries; treated and released on scene. I had Tucker stick around to make sure that they were safe until they got their stuff packed and moved on down the road. So far, we’ve had a Werewolf, some kind of ‘Bigfeet’, a forest giant from the woods that chased a big rig like a dog chases a car, and now, another giant, but with antlers and a skull for a face. Some of the crew said that these are all ‘Cryptids’… another name for old-time monsters or boogers. Enough consistencies to know that something or someone is terrorizing people and getting pretty beat up in the process. If it’s the same thing, it’s been shot, hit by a truck, and pepper sprayed. If it’s different Cryptids or human creeps, then at least three have injuries. Regular invasion. Maybe we can catch up to them…” *
He paused while Dispatch relayed the next incident. * “Okay, Chief, I’ll keep you in the loop, one or more of our Cryptid invaders has made an appearance at The No-Tell Motel, over near the bypass for the Interstate. A few injuries reported, at least one major. Too close to be coincidental.” * Before he could leave, Tucker ran over, waving his arms.
“Hey, El-Tee, got something else.” He halted outside the driver side door and Hornbuckle looked up inquiringly. “Mr. Yang, the guy that owns the cabins, said that he was busy earlier with someone who reported seeing a Cryptid. It wasn’t long before the incident here, with Austin and Francesca. Seems some tent camper decided to go into the brush to pop a squat. Something big chased him and he ran into the trees. Got himself a broken ankle and a bad abrasion on one eye. Yang said that his wife and the guy’s partner drove him to the hospital. I’ll get on it, I heard the Dispatch call. Yang said the guy was pretty freaked.”
Ross nodded, “Thanks Tucker. I’ll touch bases with you as soon as I know what’s happened at the No-Tell Motel… always something with that place.” He made his way over the couple of miles to the bypass in the wake of the EMS unit. Sgt. Boothe was on scene, for which he was relieved and some of the deputies who’d been assigned to earlier incidents had clearly cleared and come this way. A group of five individuals sat beside one of the patrol cars with a couple of deputies speaking with them and in one case attempting first aid. Another subject lay stretched on the ground near the cement sidewalk that fronted the rooms on the lower floor of the structure. Boothe and another deputy knelt by this one, though he couldn’t tell what they were doing. The EMS crew rushed to the supine subject. Boothe moved to allow them to treat him or her, Ross wasn’t close enough to determine which, yet.
Boothe noted him approaching and walked over to greet him, “Hey, boss, long time no see.” She bobbed her head, she always seemed to be happiest when they had a crazy night, and this one certainly qualified. She flicked her thumb over her shoulder. “That one came off the upstairs rail the hard way. Definitely a broken collarbone, maybe arm. You may notice a certain chemical stench in the air?”
Hornbuckle nodded, “Eau de Meth and booze”.
Boothe nodded. “Bingo! Oddly, no other party favors located just yet. We’ve been busy with that group.” She inclined her head towards the figures seated along the patrol vehicle. “Can’t understand why but looks like nobody ran. Chic came off that rail, one way or another, and the rest ran inside the room and just waited. All started either mumbling or shouting about “That big fuc…’ er, thing” they saw. We’re still trying to figure out what it was. Night manager, ‘Akbar’, of course saw nothing. He was locked in the booth behind the night window. Said this bunch came in after dark… a few days ago. Been loud and rowdy ever since but nobody complains… not in this neighborhood.”
Hornbuckle nodded, “Looking at the map on these incidents, It’s like some crazy near-pattern… almost like the incidents are in a big circle… like something is trying to get out but keeps running into people.” He pulled up a map on his mobile device to show her what he meant. Boothe traced the rough circle with her eyes, while Hornbuckle gazed around the parking area to determine whether they’d missed anything.
“Yep, that’s a pattern.” Boothe eventually pronounced. “Not quite a circle though. Big opening on one side.” She pointed to the the bypass, where a patch of forest separated it from the Interstate. Hornbuckle looked up and nodded. “You got this one Sarge? For once I’d like to be there before the call.”
Boothe pretended to sigh, then pronounced, “Of course. Why would I want to go anywhere else? Just read the sign.” She pointed to the backlit plastic rectangle that proclaimed that visitors to the No-Tell Motel could “drive rite up to the do_r of your luxury suit_”.
**** * ****
Cody awakened to a slow and heavy tread of footsteps that entered the little camping spot he and Sophie, his latest conquest, had chosen for their quiet rendezvous. He loved the outdoors, but the park was too crowded this time of year, and nobody lived on this old stretch of County Road 287B, besides Mr. Wesson, who had a little farm-ranch at the end. It had one been on the other end of the road, before the Highway Department ruthlessly placed the Interstate to one side of the little town. Cody was old enough to recall visits to Mr. Wesson’s place when he was in first grade. The man kept several exotic pets, to include a llama, an emu, a pair of elk, a moose, and several others. Locals would bring their kids out to get photos with the strange menagerie and to hear tall tales from Manfred Wesson’s extensive repertoire of stories.
The mud and gravel county road was lined with trees and when the Interstate cut though it, the Wesson place had been on a continuous stretch. His property line had fallen short of the land the state purchased and he was cut off from his neighbors who dwelled on the other side; “the town side”. That part of County Road 287B had been renamed “Crossover Lane” and led back toward the other side of Grogan City. This little clearing had become his favorite place to set up a tent and erect a small fire. He knew and liked the elderly man at the end of the road. He’d even helped with some chores in exchange for silence about the location of his campsite. He used it to entice the girls in the area to experience his nature-boy charm.
Sophie lay wrapped in the blanket he’d provided, clearly fast asleep and snoring lightly. Exhausted by the Lumberjack of Love, he chuckled inwardly. The night was pretty dark, and he listened intently, concerned that someone may have tracked down his little hideaway. The fire outside had burned low, but there was enough light that it created odd shadows on the tent walls. Odd but familiar, the same kabuki theater of tree limbs and twisted branches that had been there when he was last awake. He sat up slowly and quietly… Definitely somebody sneaking around the camp, he decided. He quietly reached for the pants he’d hastily discarded earlier in the night. The belt on them held the sheath for his knife. It was as impressive as he thought himself to be.
A silhouette appeared at the front of the tent. The jawline was way too long to Cody’s thinking. He began to shake, he knew that the trees that cast their shades along the nylon wall reached a certain height, and that this thing outside the thin wall had to be enormous. It let out a weird, whining grunt and steam or smoke was briefly outlined against the feeble light from the dying blaze outside. Cody knew his blade would be useless against anyone or anything so large. He glanced at the still snoozing Sophie and realized that they would both soon be torn to shreds and maybe eaten…
The shadow puppet’s outline darkened as a new source of light emanated from behind it. The head rose, impossibly high, then a bellow-snort, like nothing Cody had ever heard erupted from the beast. It sprang into the darkness and crashed through the trees for a moment, then all went silent. The light was from headlights. Cody was so relieved that he didn’t care who’d had found him… maybe it was Old Man Wesson. He unzipped the tent door and found himself face to face with two County Deputies. He was still gripping the knife and they both drew sidearms and told him to “Stop!”
**** * ****
Hornbuckle contacted Deputy Walls and asked him to meet him on the County Road that cut diagonally through the trees and towards to yellow lights of the Interstate that glowed in the distance, like a ribbon through the darkness. Walls was clear and apparently eager to assist. He’d been left on patrol while the rest were tied up on scenes, so the Lt. knew he was probably anxious to get back on the “Cryptid Invasion”, the biggest set of calls the county had received in many years; in volume, if not in intensity. They met up and the two units crept down CR287B. The Lt. in his slick top took the lead. He hadn’t been out this way for an even longer time than the rest of his crew, but he knew the general layout and that Mr. Wesson was the only remaining inhabitant.
When he saw the trail that led off to one side and was clearly made by recent and regular small vehicle traffic, probably four-wheelers, he knew they had to at least pause and take a look, in case their subject or subjects had taken a detour and put others in harm’s way. As he slowed to examine the fresh tracks on the muddied grass, he noted the yellow-orange glow of a campfire, not far down the trail. He activated his alley light and shone it toward the campfire and Walls did the same with his more intense side light on his overhead bar. Both Sheriff’s Office employees emerged from their vehicles with flashlights and weapons drawn and carried in the “sul” position, gripped against the waist, barrel slightly extended so that any unintentionally fired rounds would strike in front of their toes. A hideous sound of rage emerged from the camp area and brush began to crash and break in the wake of a very large body or bodies. They rushed forward and encountered Cody, half naked, knife drawn, breathing heavily, and with a wild look on his features.
The rugged man dropped his blade on command and a head with tousled locks emerged from the tent and blearily inquired as to the nature of the disturbance. It didn’t take long to determine that Sophie was aged seventeen… about half Cody’s age. They searched Cody and secured him in handcuffs in the rear of Walls’ vehicle. During the process, Hornbuckle instructed any clear units to come and assist. He intended to forge ahead after the Cryptids. He wasn’t foolish enough to follow the trail of trampled brush into the utter darkness beneath the trees. He stalked back to his cruiser and proceeded down the way to the Wesson property. He hoped he could head it or them off before it or they tangled with the elderly man… they’d get pretty torn up from the encounter. Mr. Wesson was as nice a gentleman as anyone would want to meet, but he was also as tough as a hickory root and armed to the teeth. He was surrounded by his animals, mostly hunting dogs these days. The Interstate had left his exotic petting zoo isolated. Hornbuckle determined that things were coming to a head, and it was time to stop the madness.
**** * ****
Manfred, “Man” Wesson peered into the darkness from his front porch. He didn’t bother with lights, they’d only silhouette his form. He heard the racing of car engines and saw a set of lights flash in the near distance. Someone was headed toward him in a hurry. The hounds remained silent or issued low, throaty growls. He knew that was out of character. Typically, when people approached, at least one or two would bay and bark. Besides, they weren’t focused on the driveway that led up to CR287B, they were pointing towards the woods to one side. They rambled around nervously and began to back away from the patch of trees as a new set of sounds impinged on Mr. Wesson and his dog’s senses… crashing brush and breaking limbs. Finally, the hounds broke and ran up onto the porch to encircle their two-legged Alpha… at least from behind. The nonagenarian Alpha reached for his 12 GA. and clicked off the safety. Whatever emerged from the trees, he’d be ready.
As Hornbuckle turned into the dirt driveway, he activated his red and blue lights and whooped the siren a couple of times, then switched back to only headlights. It was a simple courtesy to let Mr. Wesson know who was coming. He held no doubt that Man would be on the porch, armed and ready for his late-night visitor. Yet when he rolled to a stop, all he saw was milling hounds on the porch around the front door. His heart leapt with a jolt of adrenaline: a fear response on behalf of his favorite isolated resident, the most self-reliant person in the county. He stepped out of his vehicle and scanned the area with his flashlight. He reached back inside and activated the trunk switch. He soon held his patrol rifle at the ready, light affixed and ready for action.
He heard the far distant wail of sirens… back-up would arrive soon, but time was of the essence. If the Cryptid or Cryptids managed to get over the freeway and into the town proper… it would mean a disaster. It was only a set of miracles that had saved anyone from death thus far. He preferred to trust years of training and experience, combined with TMJ rounds from his rifle to ensure safety from the… monsters, that’s what they are to me… He noted the area where something large and organic had burst through from the direction of the camp he’d left a short time past. The ground was torn up with odd footprints. They were large and misshapen, maybe from hooves…
He nearly leapt out of his skin, when heard the soft tones of an elder, call his name, “Ross, that you, son?” Mr. Wesson emerged from the around the side of his house. He approached and they shook hands. “What’s all the whooping and flashing about?”
“Ah, well, Mr. Wesson, we had some kind of creatures, maybe more than one kind, attack folks on this side of the freeway. I tracked the… let’s just say, creature, this far. Trying to catch it before it gets to the Interstate, or worse yet, over to the other side in among the Grogan City neighborhoods. Have you seen anything? Looks like it came your way.”
Mr. Wesson stood silent for a moment, considering. “Ross, you remember my old moose, Teddy? The one I named after Teddy Roosevelt because of his Bull moose Party?”
Ross was puzzled at the abrupt change in subjects but knew that Mr. Wesson was not a frivolous man when it came to human safety. “Yes, sir. You had plenty of strange beasts. Folks used to bring their kids, just to take photos with the giant deer and other exotics.”
The elder smiled toothlessly and bobbed his head, “True, but I missed him when he died, pleasant fellow old Teddy. He was already getting old when they put in that fancy road.” As he spoke, he turned and started to walk back the way he’d come, around the back of the house. Hornbuckle easily caught up to walk beside him. “I found out that not every moose is like old Teddy. Some are downright cranky and like to roam, no matter how much good sense is put in front of them.”
Hornbuckle heard a calmer version of the bellow he’d heard in the woods what seemed like hours in the past but what was indeed less than half an hour past. It was followed by a snort and a slobbery moan. His light presented the wooden rail fence and a set of feet just behind the lowest rail. The legs extended upwards, and the body and head rose well above his own substantial height. He noted some wounds and a broken antler, a little dried blood resided on one side of the poor beast’s mouth.
Mr. Wesson reached up and very gently patted the enormous creature’s neck in an apparently unwounded section. “I need to get the vet out here to examine him right away. Maybe he won’t be so quick to roam after tonight. Ross… meet Bruce. Bruce the Moose.”

“Oh! My! Gosh! Did-you-see-that?!” Chanelle squeak-shrieked into her boyfriend’s ear.
Au’Quaireeus, “Q” to his friends and acquaintances of dubious character and spelling skills, leaned away from her in annoyance, his ears all but ringing. “What’s wrong with you, mutha-fu… uh, girl?! Why you be hollerin’ like that, bitc… uh, ‘Nelle?”
Chanelle, pointed toward the window, a large one for a manufactured home built in the primitive era that had produced the one in which she and Q were currently ensconced. She trembled and shook and shrank closer to his form as he grimaced and looked in turn.
“Man…, I don’t seen nothin’, just dark and some… well, dark.” He frowned in distracted wonder for a moment. The Pine Shadows Manufactured Housing Park facilities and residents typically displayed a number of lights, primarily strings of LED and dim security bulbs, strung by the mostly decent but impoverished residents, for whom Q was the most frightening feature of their existences. Currently, the illuminations seemed to be obscured and as his blood returned to normal circulation, Q grew curious. A sickly yellow halo cast from the nearest pole light silhouetted…. something. He wasn’t sure what it was but realized why Chanelle must have observed it and freaked; she was pretty high strung or strung out… whatever. His mouth hung open in the way that indicated his attempt to cogitate… it was an unaccustomed endeavor, so it took him a deal of effort; besides which, he’d indulged in a few “party favors” to whet his appetite for what he’d though Chanelle was finally prepared to offer… either way, he’d intended to have some fun.
Now, he didn’t know whether he hallucinated or was mistaken… he was sure that it had to be the latter. What he saw… what he continued to see… could not be anything other than a mistake, an illusion cast by a combination of high emotions, impaired perceptions, and poor lighting. The blazing eye that shone in profile, the long face, the immense height, the steam or smoke the issued from the nostrils… like a werewolf from the movies… he finally concluded.
Chanelle continued to stare, then squeak-shrieked again, “It’s staring at us…! what the fu…” she trailed off her astute observation and continued to return the gaze of… the thing. Then she saw its lips curl and it revealed a row of teeth that were far too large for any creature known to her. For that matter, the beast’s head rested high above where a normal person’s profile would. “Them teeth and that eye…. It ain’t right, it’s like, too big!”
Q, having figured out that what he saw was beyond the normal range of hallucinations and having further concluded that any such unnatural monstrosity posed a danger, reached a conclusion on what he should do: his natural solution for most vexing problems. He fished among his outer wear from earlier in the evening, that was now piled untidily on the floor. He managed to find what he needed: his nerve… in the form of a .380 semi-automatic pistol, manufactured in some East European nation or former nation. He’d employed it often to shore up his failing courage and when he carried it, he felt like a true gangstah. He raised the muzzle toward the window, yet even the dim bulb in his brain, far weaker than the outdoor lighting, flashed in warning that it would be stupid to blow out the glazing, when the door was just feet from the portal. “I think… it’s a were… werewolf,” he stammered as he moved to open the door. He pushed the panel outward, and it slammed against the side of the venerable housing option. He emptied the magazine of all six rounds he’d bothered to put into the little weapon... it would have held two more, but he knew that “guns supposed to hol’ 6”. As he fired, the sharp little reports added to the cacophony of chaos caused by ‘Nelle’s screeches and shouts and the various responses of neighbors. The tiny world of he and his erstwhile date transformed into an abode of terror.
Chanelle did her part. Her squeak-screeches evolved into genuine screams of abject fear, as she encouraged her latest paramour to, “Kill it, Q! Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!”
**** * ****
“El-Tee, thanks for coming over so fast. R.P., one of them, is a known felon and has open warrants, to include for Assault on a Public Servant and Resisting Arrest, so, based on the new policy…” Sgt. Boothe let her comment trail off into space. Lt. Hornbuckle knew the policy well, since he’d authored it. A fact neither unknown nor unappreciated by the Sgt.
He grinned at her, “Thank you, Sgt. it was a good call on your part. Have we informed him yet that after he’s done with his witness statement, he’s under arrest?”
Boothe shook her head, “No sir we thought that would sidetrack him. He’s already not making much sense. We have eyes on some items in that trailer of his. Apparently, he treated his latest ‘ho’, er, girlfriend, to some of his finest homegrown. He must really like this one, gave her some of his vintage Night Train, too. Oh, and he shot up his own front door with a handgun he’s not allowed to possess as a felon. Poor old Q is not having a good night and it’s about to get worse. I think he’s likely just having some paranoid side effects; he likes to lace his goodies…. but… never know with that dude.”
Hornbuckle grimaced, “Q ensured that a couple of our deputies and one of the Grogan City Officers had a bad night when he earned that warrant. Turnabout is fair play. Paranoid hallucinations or not, I’d like to hear the latest strange tale from him, so maybe we can get him to tell it once more, then we’ll have two recordings. Everyone is rolling on bodycams?”
Boothe arched an eyebrow, “You know we know how to roll, boss. Let’s go. I responded with Deputy Walls, so I got to hear the first version by Chanelle. It’s literally a wild story. Oddly close to what Q had to say.” She smirked a little in anticipation of what her manager was about to hear and wondered what his reaction would be… priceless, she guessed.
**** * ****
“I tell, you, I ain’t lyin’! It was a straight-up fuc… er, monkster… like a movie or some-pin’, man.” Q insisted when he saw the blank expression on Lt. Hornbuckle’s face.
After a moment, Hornbuckle shrugged. “Nobody called you a liar, Q. It’s just a weird tale. You say it looked like…?”
“A werewolf, dude! Like a big-assed effin’ dog but you know… on two legs like a dude. I shot that sumbitch and it disappeared. Can’t find no blood or nothing… like some kinda ghose… Never seen nothin’ that big.” He shook his head as if to clear the images. Hornbuckle nodded to Sgt. Boothe, then turned to walk over to speak with Chanelle. From behind, he heard Q exclaim, “Arrested? For what?! Why I’m already in handcuffs, man?” Then something about a right to defend his home with his tiny pistol. It didn’t matter, as far as the Lt. was concerned, his story had been a paranoid fantasy.
Then Chanelle told him pretty much the same tale, and just as Sgt. Boothe had indicated, it was reasonably consistent. “So, it was like, a big dog head. Way up tall.” She stretched to her full height and reached as high as her arm would extend above her head. “I never seen nothing that big. It’s like all up in the fog, too, like you know, it’s making fog come outta his mouff. When I first seen it, he was like, lookin’ in the window at us… big ol’ face, big teeth… and them eyes…. Like, crazy, Demon Eyes! I was like, nope, gotta get outta here! Then Q shoots it to pieces, but nothing happened.”
Q, barely in earshot, as he was escorted past, screamed his outrage at the former object of his affections, “What?! You crazy, bit…” His threats were curtailed by strong hands that quickly subdued him and marched him to the back end of a transport unit. He glared over his shoulder, “You so dumb, ‘Nelle! Why you gonna run your mouff?!”
Chanelle looked startled for a moment, then realizing her mistake attempted to correct the problem, “Oh, like I was sayin’, somebody, not Q, no way, he don’t gots no gun… somebody shot at that thang an’ it like runs, like right up into the woods, on two legs, and I was like just glad it be gone.”
After he’d thanked Chanelle and turned her attention back to the deputies who took her official statement, the Lt. met again with Sgt. Boothe. “Candi, did anyone else in the park see this thing?”
She shrugged. “I doubt it, but I’ll send Deputy Morris and the K-9 around to ask. Maybe the dog can pick up a scent.”
Hornbuckle nodded. He knew that the patrol dog on their shift was a sight hunter, but if anyone or anything still lingered in the area, Ranger might pick up a scent. He was perplexed. The stories from the two sub-erudite witnesses had been very consistent. They’d clearly observed… something. He heard a call on the radio to request that units respond to the Inside-Outside Travel Center for a disturbance, an intruder, perhaps both. The Dispatcher included that the caller had been nearly incoherent, and she was in the process of gathering more information.
**** * ****
The truck stop / convenience store was not far from the trailer park, and Hornbuckle made good time. While on the way, he phoned his boss, the Chief Deputy for the Patrol Division. Time to put some of the weight on other shoulders, he’d decided. It was early, but it felt like the beginning of a long shift. He had to leave a message, *“Chief, Ross Hornbuckle. Got some odd stuff happening. I’ll have more details shortly. Just wanted you to know that I’ll be calling later with updates. Checking out the second scene in a possibly related incident… unknown cause, but I’m feeling, “the vibe”. Check you soon.” * He wouldn’t normally bother his boss without something concrete, but he knew that the CD trusted him and would rather be in the loop than surprised.
He briefly activated the emergency lights on his otherwise “slick-top”, unmarked vehicle, to let the deputies on scene know he’d arrived. He saw two outlined forms investigating the back side of the building with flashlights, and he approached them first. One called out to him, “Hey, El-Tee. Babbin is inside talking with the store owner… maybe the owner’s brother or cousin? He wasn’t all that clear. Thought we should look around out here while the scene was hot. Short version: said he came out to empty the trash and something big came out of the woods. About seven or eight feet tall, had a long snout. Said it was covered in hair and maybe spots of blood. Eyes glowed yellow-green. It made some weird noises and chased him back inside the store.”
Ross nodded, “Any footprints?”
The deputies looked at one another sheepishly, then the spokesperson replied, “We haven’t checked… er, yet sir.” It took only a moment to find a partial print in the little portion of moist dirt near the dumpster. “Weird looking and pretty big, the talker opined.
Hornbuckle nodded. “I’ll go see if he has a camera that covers this area. Maybe we can catch the ‘monster’ on camera. Maybe get a glimpse of bloody hide and yellow-green eyes.” He soon found out that the camera covered the back door, but the owner didn’t think it useful to waste recording time on the dumpsters. A shadow seemed to intrude over the image of Javeed Patel, the Reporting Party. It was inconclusive, since lights illuminated the object that created the shadows from two angles, so that the dark images were overlain, though it was definitely large. Javeed was clearly in frame and clearly fleeing… or putting on a good show of it, and his shade was miniscule when compared to that of “The Monster”. The interior camera angles showed him run to the office as soon as he’d slammed the door shut behind him. His father was the manager but had been in the office during the encounter.
“I tell you it was very big. Very huge. Tall as an elephant. It came from the dark… silent until I saw it. Then it blew out a loud, strange noise and smoke blew into my face from high above… more than two meters, I tell you. It stank, worse than the dumpster and it had matted fur all over, very dark with spots of blood like it ate something alive and got splashed. I think it was a Bigfeet or a Forest Demon.” Javeed told his story for the fifth time. Each telling had seemed to calm him, so Hornbuckle and the Deputy Babbin let him repeat it.
The Lt. instructed the deputy to take a formal statement, then returned to his unit. Before he could call in that he was about to clear the scene, a large figure loomed out of the dark. Hornbuckle, caught a little off guard, halted and his hands hovered in a defensive posture above his waistline. The approaching figure, apparently even more startled, stumbled to a halt. “Hey, sorry officer, I drive that rig…” He looked back over his rounded shoulder to indicate a tractor-trailer near the big truck filling station. “So… I wasn’t going to say anything, but I could tell that Jay, the guy in the store, was shook up. I was, too, so… Look, this is going to sound crazy.” He paused and rubbed the back of his thick neck.
Ross gave him a reassuring look, “Can’t be worse than anything else I’ve heard tonight. Promise I won’t give you a hard time.”
The trucker looked relieved. “Thank you, sir. Look, I ain’t drunk or anything, got plenty of rest. It’s just that what I saw, or think I saw, is pretty weird and scary and kinda hard to believe. I was on my way to the travel center, one of my regular fuel stops, that’s how I know Jay. Anyway, on the way, I look over at the side of the road and this… thing, I dunno, some kind of creature, maybe a big ol’ hairy man…. But too big, and not… right, was standing at the side of the road, just inside some bushes. It was big. Maybe seven or eight feet tall. I pass stuff all the time and you know, I’m a pro driver, I know how to judge distances and sizes. I catch some eye shine, maybe yellow… not sure, it was fast. It looks a little… strange and maybe… this is one of the weird parts, it has a huge set of antlers.
“Then it gets scary. Thing starts running up on my passenger side. I’m in town, so I’m not going all that fast, but I check the mirror. It’s running alongside and gaining on my cab. There’s steam coming from it… I decide to swerve at it. I know I hit it, left a dent at the rear part of my cab. I look back, and it’s gone. Then not long after I pay and start to pump, I hear weird noises from behind the store. Loud and then Jay screaming… ‘S he gonna be alright? Jay, I mean?”
There was more and Hornbuckle sent to man to inside the store to see Babbin and to provide a formal statement and to get photos of his cab for both evidence and insurance purposes. He was about to clear and conduct a patrol sweep, since most of his crew was tied up on the two “invasion” scenes. Then the radio hissed, and Dispatch informed him that there had been another disturbance, this time with injuries, at a nearby set of rental cabins at the state park. He headed that way and pulled one of the units from the Travel Center and another from the trailer park for back-up. “The crazy is on!” He said to himself. “Spidey-sense is still working.”
**** * ****
“Austin, I’m telling you, there’s something outside the cabin. Can’t you hear that scraping along the walls?” Francesca cautioned her cabin mate.
Austin, ever the skeptic and in this case, uninterested in venturing outdoors in the dark, started to protest, when he heard the unmistakable sound of a hard, sharp, object dragged against the outside boards of the little rental cabin. The place was not all that solid, and the walls were only 1/3rd cut timber facade, not true logs, so the sounds were quite audible. He nodded, “Okay, probably just some animal, maybe a dog or something.” He offered.
Francesca was having none of his excuses this time. “You hear how high up it is? Besides, unless the dog has an iron garden rake, it can’t make those sounds. Let’s get the flashlights and the pepper spray and go see what it is.”
Austin stared at her for a moment, then found a last-minute stall. “First, we should call the local police, get some help headed this way.”
“We don’t need those redneck fascists. That’s why we took this break from the city, to get away from all the law and order… and maybe being caught on camera without our masks at that last protest.” Francesca shook her head. “Don’t worry, big guy, I’ll protect you.” With that, she triumphantly raised her device with the flashlight widget activated and her keychain pepper spray as she lumbered past her scrawny companion.
Austin shrugged. “I have the same kind of light, but I don’t have any spray… used it up when that group of PIGs tried to move us from in front of their station. “He glanced around the room, in a final, desperate prevaricating technique. “Oh, I can take my knife.”
“You have a knife? Like a big hunting…” Francesca quieted when Austin triumphantly hefted his own means of defense, a two-bladed folding utility knife with rounded tips for safety. She shrugged, “Okay, let’s go, I’ll turn on the porch light and then we spring out and yell at whoever or whatever it is to go away.”
**** * ****
EMS arrived first. They’d been hovering in the area after all the weird Dispatch calls. The crew knew that it was only a matter of time before someone was screaming and bleeding. Soon, a pair of frightened and unhappy campers were under immediate emergency care. Lt. Hornbuckle saw that the large female figure who loomed on the tiny porch of the cabin, stared sourly him and his deputies as they approached. The woman demanded to know, “So, what are those, fascists doing here? Like, I only told that Dispatcher that we wanted an ambulance, no cops.”
Hornbuckle stepped up to take care of the challenging work or handling the recalcitrant RP, while the deputies conducted a safety sweep of the gloomy cabin and its environs in which a monster may be lurking; much more pleasant than dealing with hostility towards uniforms. He grimaced. “Standard procedure, ma’am. We support our EMS teams as often as possible to ensure their safety as they go about their duties.”
She glared, her pock-marked and flabby expression, clearly interested in creating a conflict, but a whimper from her companion, followed by an “Oww… that hurts.” Interrupted her normally single-minded train of thought. She had only one track on her personal railway: it was either run full steam ahead or stay quiet and seethe. She shifted her ire-filled gaze toward Austin, who was clearly in distress. His face was flushed and covered in orange stains, and he bled from several small cuts on his hands.
Despite the thunderclouds of hostility that constantly threatened, Hornbuckle and one of the deputies managed to get a coherent statement from each of the couple by way of the EMTs. The medics often assisted in this way, it helped them to keep their subjects distracted with answering questions and provided them with potentially useful treatment information. Essentially, the two had charged out onto the little porch and Francesca had immediately tripped and fallen on the single stair that led down from the porch. Austin managed to stay on his feet but stood indecisively waving around his pocketknife. They reported that at about that time, the “Cryptid” arrived. Hornbuckle liked that better than “monster”. Fewer negative connotations and possibly less panic-inducing.
“It was like gigantic, and I was like, ‘No way’.” Austin continued his narrative. “So, I see this thing like stick out its head… way up high, and it was just a skull, with some antlers. Then Frannie like yells at it and sprays all over the place. Dunno why that worked, but it did. Sounded like it sneezed or something, then ran off into the trees.”
“Deputy Tucker nodded along in an “active listening technique”. “So, it was very tall, with a long skull for a face and antlers?”
Austin bobbed his head on his thin neck, “Yes sir, yes sir, I’ll never forget that face. All white and bony…” He shivered and Deputy Tucker adjusted his stance in case Austin finally decided to vomit his most recent meal.
“Austin, tell them how you got hurt again, I don’t think the gestapo here, believe you.” Francesca all but shrieked.
Austin was startled out of his imminent need to hurl his victuals and started to bob and wobble his head once again. “Francesca, like, sprayed the thing in the face but I’m between her and it. So, I like turn toward her and block the pepper spray with my face. I screamed and the windy-grow, or whatever you call those things, bellowed and bumped into me from behind. I fall to like, one side, and that’s how my hands get all cut and scraped. That’s when it like sneezed or snorted or whatever.” He shivered again, “ I thought it would get me then but it ran away.”
Francesca decided the rejoin the chorus at that moment, and pushed aside her long, straight, greasy locks, “Yeah, I was like face-to-face with that Cryptish thing, and it like, blows some kind of like smoke at me. So, I empty the can into the skull face, with the green eyes. It bellows again and like vanishes… nothing left but the smelly smoke… like it had rolled in garbage or something.”
**** * ****
* “Hey, Chief, thanks for the callback,” * Hornbuckle spoke wearily into his mobile device. * “Turned out the last RP had only minor injuries; treated and released on scene. I had Tucker stick around to make sure that they were safe until they got their stuff packed and moved on down the road. So far, we’ve had a Werewolf, some kind of ‘Bigfeet’, a forest giant from the woods that chased a big rig like a dog chases a car, and now, another giant, but with antlers and a skull for a face. Some of the crew said that these are all ‘Cryptids’… another name for old-time monsters or boogers. Enough consistencies to know that something or someone is terrorizing people and getting pretty beat up in the process. If it’s the same thing, it’s been shot, hit by a truck, and pepper sprayed. If it’s different Cryptids or human creeps, then at least three have injuries. Regular invasion. Maybe we can catch up to them…” *
He paused while Dispatch relayed the next incident. * “Okay, Chief, I’ll keep you in the loop, one or more of our Cryptid invaders has made an appearance at The No-Tell Motel, over near the bypass for the Interstate. A few injuries reported, at least one major. Too close to be coincidental.” * Before he could leave, Tucker ran over, waving his arms.
“Hey, El-Tee, got something else.” He halted outside the driver side door and Hornbuckle looked up inquiringly. “Mr. Yang, the guy that owns the cabins, said that he was busy earlier with someone who reported seeing a Cryptid. It wasn’t long before the incident here, with Austin and Francesca. Seems some tent camper decided to go into the brush to pop a squat. Something big chased him and he ran into the trees. Got himself a broken ankle and a bad abrasion on one eye. Yang said that his wife and the guy’s partner drove him to the hospital. I’ll get on it, I heard the Dispatch call. Yang said the guy was pretty freaked.”
Ross nodded, “Thanks Tucker. I’ll touch bases with you as soon as I know what’s happened at the No-Tell Motel… always something with that place.” He made his way over the couple of miles to the bypass in the wake of the EMS unit. Sgt. Boothe was on scene, for which he was relieved and some of the deputies who’d been assigned to earlier incidents had clearly cleared and come this way. A group of five individuals sat beside one of the patrol cars with a couple of deputies speaking with them and in one case attempting first aid. Another subject lay stretched on the ground near the cement sidewalk that fronted the rooms on the lower floor of the structure. Boothe and another deputy knelt by this one, though he couldn’t tell what they were doing. The EMS crew rushed to the supine subject. Boothe moved to allow them to treat him or her, Ross wasn’t close enough to determine which, yet.
Boothe noted him approaching and walked over to greet him, “Hey, boss, long time no see.” She bobbed her head, she always seemed to be happiest when they had a crazy night, and this one certainly qualified. She flicked her thumb over her shoulder. “That one came off the upstairs rail the hard way. Definitely a broken collarbone, maybe arm. You may notice a certain chemical stench in the air?”
Hornbuckle nodded, “Eau de Meth and booze”.
Boothe nodded. “Bingo! Oddly, no other party favors located just yet. We’ve been busy with that group.” She inclined her head towards the figures seated along the patrol vehicle. “Can’t understand why but looks like nobody ran. Chic came off that rail, one way or another, and the rest ran inside the room and just waited. All started either mumbling or shouting about “That big fuc…’ er, thing” they saw. We’re still trying to figure out what it was. Night manager, ‘Akbar’, of course saw nothing. He was locked in the booth behind the night window. Said this bunch came in after dark… a few days ago. Been loud and rowdy ever since but nobody complains… not in this neighborhood.”
Hornbuckle nodded, “Looking at the map on these incidents, It’s like some crazy near-pattern… almost like the incidents are in a big circle… like something is trying to get out but keeps running into people.” He pulled up a map on his mobile device to show her what he meant. Boothe traced the rough circle with her eyes, while Hornbuckle gazed around the parking area to determine whether they’d missed anything.
“Yep, that’s a pattern.” Boothe eventually pronounced. “Not quite a circle though. Big opening on one side.” She pointed to the the bypass, where a patch of forest separated it from the Interstate. Hornbuckle looked up and nodded. “You got this one Sarge? For once I’d like to be there before the call.”
Boothe pretended to sigh, then pronounced, “Of course. Why would I want to go anywhere else? Just read the sign.” She pointed to the backlit plastic rectangle that proclaimed that visitors to the No-Tell Motel could “drive rite up to the do_r of your luxury suit_”.
**** * ****
Cody awakened to a slow and heavy tread of footsteps that entered the little camping spot he and Sophie, his latest conquest, had chosen for their quiet rendezvous. He loved the outdoors, but the park was too crowded this time of year, and nobody lived on this old stretch of County Road 287B, besides Mr. Wesson, who had a little farm-ranch at the end. It had one been on the other end of the road, before the Highway Department ruthlessly placed the Interstate to one side of the little town. Cody was old enough to recall visits to Mr. Wesson’s place when he was in first grade. The man kept several exotic pets, to include a llama, an emu, a pair of elk, a moose, and several others. Locals would bring their kids out to get photos with the strange menagerie and to hear tall tales from Manfred Wesson’s extensive repertoire of stories.
The mud and gravel county road was lined with trees and when the Interstate cut though it, the Wesson place had been on a continuous stretch. His property line had fallen short of the land the state purchased and he was cut off from his neighbors who dwelled on the other side; “the town side”. That part of County Road 287B had been renamed “Crossover Lane” and led back toward the other side of Grogan City. This little clearing had become his favorite place to set up a tent and erect a small fire. He knew and liked the elderly man at the end of the road. He’d even helped with some chores in exchange for silence about the location of his campsite. He used it to entice the girls in the area to experience his nature-boy charm.
Sophie lay wrapped in the blanket he’d provided, clearly fast asleep and snoring lightly. Exhausted by the Lumberjack of Love, he chuckled inwardly. The night was pretty dark, and he listened intently, concerned that someone may have tracked down his little hideaway. The fire outside had burned low, but there was enough light that it created odd shadows on the tent walls. Odd but familiar, the same kabuki theater of tree limbs and twisted branches that had been there when he was last awake. He sat up slowly and quietly… Definitely somebody sneaking around the camp, he decided. He quietly reached for the pants he’d hastily discarded earlier in the night. The belt on them held the sheath for his knife. It was as impressive as he thought himself to be.
A silhouette appeared at the front of the tent. The jawline was way too long to Cody’s thinking. He began to shake, he knew that the trees that cast their shades along the nylon wall reached a certain height, and that this thing outside the thin wall had to be enormous. It let out a weird, whining grunt and steam or smoke was briefly outlined against the feeble light from the dying blaze outside. Cody knew his blade would be useless against anyone or anything so large. He glanced at the still snoozing Sophie and realized that they would both soon be torn to shreds and maybe eaten…
The shadow puppet’s outline darkened as a new source of light emanated from behind it. The head rose, impossibly high, then a bellow-snort, like nothing Cody had ever heard erupted from the beast. It sprang into the darkness and crashed through the trees for a moment, then all went silent. The light was from headlights. Cody was so relieved that he didn’t care who’d had found him… maybe it was Old Man Wesson. He unzipped the tent door and found himself face to face with two County Deputies. He was still gripping the knife and they both drew sidearms and told him to “Stop!”
**** * ****
Hornbuckle contacted Deputy Walls and asked him to meet him on the County Road that cut diagonally through the trees and towards to yellow lights of the Interstate that glowed in the distance, like a ribbon through the darkness. Walls was clear and apparently eager to assist. He’d been left on patrol while the rest were tied up on scenes, so the Lt. knew he was probably anxious to get back on the “Cryptid Invasion”, the biggest set of calls the county had received in many years; in volume, if not in intensity. They met up and the two units crept down CR287B. The Lt. in his slick top took the lead. He hadn’t been out this way for an even longer time than the rest of his crew, but he knew the general layout and that Mr. Wesson was the only remaining inhabitant.
When he saw the trail that led off to one side and was clearly made by recent and regular small vehicle traffic, probably four-wheelers, he knew they had to at least pause and take a look, in case their subject or subjects had taken a detour and put others in harm’s way. As he slowed to examine the fresh tracks on the muddied grass, he noted the yellow-orange glow of a campfire, not far down the trail. He activated his alley light and shone it toward the campfire and Walls did the same with his more intense side light on his overhead bar. Both Sheriff’s Office employees emerged from their vehicles with flashlights and weapons drawn and carried in the “sul” position, gripped against the waist, barrel slightly extended so that any unintentionally fired rounds would strike in front of their toes. A hideous sound of rage emerged from the camp area and brush began to crash and break in the wake of a very large body or bodies. They rushed forward and encountered Cody, half naked, knife drawn, breathing heavily, and with a wild look on his features.
The rugged man dropped his blade on command and a head with tousled locks emerged from the tent and blearily inquired as to the nature of the disturbance. It didn’t take long to determine that Sophie was aged seventeen… about half Cody’s age. They searched Cody and secured him in handcuffs in the rear of Walls’ vehicle. During the process, Hornbuckle instructed any clear units to come and assist. He intended to forge ahead after the Cryptids. He wasn’t foolish enough to follow the trail of trampled brush into the utter darkness beneath the trees. He stalked back to his cruiser and proceeded down the way to the Wesson property. He hoped he could head it or them off before it or they tangled with the elderly man… they’d get pretty torn up from the encounter. Mr. Wesson was as nice a gentleman as anyone would want to meet, but he was also as tough as a hickory root and armed to the teeth. He was surrounded by his animals, mostly hunting dogs these days. The Interstate had left his exotic petting zoo isolated. Hornbuckle determined that things were coming to a head, and it was time to stop the madness.
**** * ****
Manfred, “Man” Wesson peered into the darkness from his front porch. He didn’t bother with lights, they’d only silhouette his form. He heard the racing of car engines and saw a set of lights flash in the near distance. Someone was headed toward him in a hurry. The hounds remained silent or issued low, throaty growls. He knew that was out of character. Typically, when people approached, at least one or two would bay and bark. Besides, they weren’t focused on the driveway that led up to CR287B, they were pointing towards the woods to one side. They rambled around nervously and began to back away from the patch of trees as a new set of sounds impinged on Mr. Wesson and his dog’s senses… crashing brush and breaking limbs. Finally, the hounds broke and ran up onto the porch to encircle their two-legged Alpha… at least from behind. The nonagenarian Alpha reached for his 12 GA. and clicked off the safety. Whatever emerged from the trees, he’d be ready.
As Hornbuckle turned into the dirt driveway, he activated his red and blue lights and whooped the siren a couple of times, then switched back to only headlights. It was a simple courtesy to let Mr. Wesson know who was coming. He held no doubt that Man would be on the porch, armed and ready for his late-night visitor. Yet when he rolled to a stop, all he saw was milling hounds on the porch around the front door. His heart leapt with a jolt of adrenaline: a fear response on behalf of his favorite isolated resident, the most self-reliant person in the county. He stepped out of his vehicle and scanned the area with his flashlight. He reached back inside and activated the trunk switch. He soon held his patrol rifle at the ready, light affixed and ready for action.
He heard the far distant wail of sirens… back-up would arrive soon, but time was of the essence. If the Cryptid or Cryptids managed to get over the freeway and into the town proper… it would mean a disaster. It was only a set of miracles that had saved anyone from death thus far. He preferred to trust years of training and experience, combined with TMJ rounds from his rifle to ensure safety from the… monsters, that’s what they are to me… He noted the area where something large and organic had burst through from the direction of the camp he’d left a short time past. The ground was torn up with odd footprints. They were large and misshapen, maybe from hooves…
He nearly leapt out of his skin, when heard the soft tones of an elder, call his name, “Ross, that you, son?” Mr. Wesson emerged from the around the side of his house. He approached and they shook hands. “What’s all the whooping and flashing about?”
“Ah, well, Mr. Wesson, we had some kind of creatures, maybe more than one kind, attack folks on this side of the freeway. I tracked the… let’s just say, creature, this far. Trying to catch it before it gets to the Interstate, or worse yet, over to the other side in among the Grogan City neighborhoods. Have you seen anything? Looks like it came your way.”
Mr. Wesson stood silent for a moment, considering. “Ross, you remember my old moose, Teddy? The one I named after Teddy Roosevelt because of his Bull moose Party?”
Ross was puzzled at the abrupt change in subjects but knew that Mr. Wesson was not a frivolous man when it came to human safety. “Yes, sir. You had plenty of strange beasts. Folks used to bring their kids, just to take photos with the giant deer and other exotics.”
The elder smiled toothlessly and bobbed his head, “True, but I missed him when he died, pleasant fellow old Teddy. He was already getting old when they put in that fancy road.” As he spoke, he turned and started to walk back the way he’d come, around the back of the house. Hornbuckle easily caught up to walk beside him. “I found out that not every moose is like old Teddy. Some are downright cranky and like to roam, no matter how much good sense is put in front of them.”
Hornbuckle heard a calmer version of the bellow he’d heard in the woods what seemed like hours in the past but what was indeed less than half an hour past. It was followed by a snort and a slobbery moan. His light presented the wooden rail fence and a set of feet just behind the lowest rail. The legs extended upwards, and the body and head rose well above his own substantial height. He noted some wounds and a broken antler, a little dried blood resided on one side of the poor beast’s mouth.
Mr. Wesson reached up and very gently patted the enormous creature’s neck in an apparently unwounded section. “I need to get the vet out here to examine him right away. Maybe he won’t be so quick to roam after tonight. Ross… meet Bruce. Bruce the Moose.”