TL/DR: when I spend too much time alone, I get kind of feral. Currently not seeing anyone else because of "fairness," and efforts to make friends over the past year have not worked. The feral is going to negatively impact my relationship, but my partner adding more people onto their plate will also negatively impact my relationship.
By feral, I mean that I become really touch adverse, feel completely drained being around someone else regardless of affection for them, and honestly don't care a lick about how I look, what weird noises I make, and forget not to talk to myself out loud.
Before getting too far into this, I have gone through several long periods of my life where I had no friends outside of work and experience no familiar (even platonic) touch. I don't actually mind it, but I get a little feral and with a partner who extremely values the love language of touch, this can be hard to navigate.
Everything I mention regarding friends is for in-person friends only. I can take an abundance of time to spend with friends on the phone or online.
Currently, I only have one partner. We are deeply enmeshed, but long distance, and they are now in full care of their young children.
They've been separated from their ex for years, but are finally going through a formal divorce and it's one of the ugliest I've seen or heard of.
We agreed not to see others because we weren't really seeing anyone else at the start of this, and they've got extremely limited time. For me, I moved somewhere new and dating is expensive (let alone making friends). For them, they moved and got a full time job and currently are a full time parent. We have plans to move in together, but that's still a ways off. Year, maybe two in the future.
I wanted to be equitable, because I'm the one who wasn't thrilled at the idea of them seeing other people when they barely have time for me. We're talking maybe an hour on the phone a day, and one long distance date night in the last two months. We had plans to see each other once a month, but they now are in full custody of their kids and my job kind of has me locked down for the next few months myself. They're coming to visit me soon but no idea when we'll see each other after that.
I'm getting kind of concerned with the amount of time I'm spending alone. I really see a future with them and know this is just going to be a rough year or two but it's rough. I've tried making friends, but I'm in a HCOL area on a pretty LCOL budget. Most of my hobbies don't exist here either. So in short, I don't even know how to make friends outside of online dating.
Is it fair to bring up that I would like to date, but don't want to be with them if they're going to further lessen time spent with me by seeing other people?
Do I just be fair and suck it up and accept they'll virtually have no time for me because they'll have other partners? But at least I'll be able to see other people?
Do I just accept the fact that I'm going to be really really alone for a while?
I've been kind of running through my options and wanted to get input. I have virtually no human time outside of work (where I have work friends, but it's not the same as being myself or with people experiencing friendly touch). The idea of being around someone and having familiar touch makes my skin crawl a little. Like I'm going to struggle with the idea of seeing them just because I haven't had to share space or spend time with anyone else like that in so long. I also get extremely touch adverse after too long of not having to experience that sensory input.
I've looked at meetup groups and have no interest in anything local. The nearest local places for my hobbies are like 2 hours away, which is too far. On one hand, I adapt really well to being alone all the time. On the other hand, this probably overall is going to negatively impact my relationship.

Hi All,
Just watched the Liberals Vs. Everyone Else video and was reminded of some findings from therapy literature. I can cite if interested.
1. Parties invested in change will discount treatment effectiveness in favor of preferred therapist attributes (e.g., Relational Effectiveness, Interpersonal Style, Experience, Listening Ability). That is, some studies indicate that people will knowingly accept less effective treatments as a tradeoff for a clinician that demonstrates certain personal/interpersonal qualities.
Even when people care deeply about change (which most people likely don't in a debate, because they're trying to change the other person or at least signal their rightness), process variables may be valued over what we might typically presume is most important (i.e., chances at a good outcome). In facilitating change, the relationship matters a lot. More to this point:

1. Therapeutic alliance is predictive of change/outcomes such that an intervention in the context of sufficiently strong alliance may be perceived as effective, even in the absence of other "active ingredients."

While effective tools/interventions are important, the relationship itself can have transformational influence and shouldn't be neglected.
Although the context and dynamics of debate and therapy are obviously vastly different, I would imagine some of this holds true. As was discussed in the video, in a debate, if they're not getting the relationship from you, they're likely getting it from someone else (i.e., a group which shares/validates their current beliefs).
Bonus: Example conversation strategy that might be more relational in nature
a. This is similar to the "1-10, how likely are you to have your mind changed" thing, but a bit different and can lead into those types of questions. It uses pros/cons as a proxy for values/goals, but it also requires joint vulnerability and an up-front demonstration of the ability to self-evaluate and accept feedback:
"Hey, this topic clearly matters, and I think in order to treat it with respect, it's important that we can both recognize the factors that influence our positions on it. Beyond us each just saying, "well, I'd become wrong and you'd become right," I'd like for us to both list a couple of hypothetical pros *and* cons of us having our minds changed on this point (e.g., cons: I might lose viewers, I would feel like I'm co-signing innocent people being hurt; pros: there was at least a compelling argument that something bad wasn't happening exactly in the way that I thought). If I miss any big points on my end, I expect you to point them out, and I'm going to ask you to expect the same. Once we're in agreement on these, we can get into the details."
b. It might take some additional questions/prompting, but once (if) this is established, you both now have a much stronger sense of each other's values because pros and cons are kind of inherently relative to an objective. As appropriate, show gratitude that they played along, validate their perspective (not necessarily agree), and start to highlight overlap in your values (or softly worded concerns about the alignment between their position and values) as it relates to the topic. This will make it a more joint investigation of the issue with a lot of "hm... my concern with that interpretation is..." and "is it possible that..." type language.
If they can't/won't share pros/cons, you have basically nothing to lose by gently suggesting some from their perspective. This will likely lead to correction or, at the very least, you'll get closer to where some of the more core disagreements arise (e.g., "why are we playing games and not just talking about the fact that you know the vaccines were rushed," which could lead you to ask more targeted questions about the significance of that to them). If they continue to refuse engagement, emphasize that the topic matters and you believe that failing to fully acknowledge the push and pull factors of your respective positions would be a disservice. Then you can make the personal value choice of letting the conversation continue on data alone with the risk of it devolving, or calling it off before it starts.
I want to point out this is a hyper-agreeable/soft skill approach that isn't for everyone. Just one suggestion. :)

I have been on the waitlist with my AD for 7 years for a GMT II. During that time I have purchased $40k in jewelry and $50K on several non-Rolex time pieces. I did everything right to build a relationship with my AD (coffee and warm croissants twice a week, tickets for sporting events, etc…). I have even bought an Explorer and DJ that my AD offered me in order to stay on the list. But it is always the same thing: I am told to “hang in there a bit longer”, or I get the call only to have them sell the piece out from under me to a VP before I can get there to pick it up. 😔
I finally decided to go for the Hail Mary. See, my wife and I have been growing apart. My rep at the AD is a stunningly gorgeous young lad named Derek. I offered him my wife. He said yes. Sigh…
Of course, Madeline would never go for it. So I told Derek that the only way she would do it is if she can incorporate her rape fantasy into the liaison. Derek readily agreed. It seemed that when I told him about this he became even more interested. I guess the whole thing aroused him.
In fact, Madeline does not have a rape fantasy. But I figure, you know, it will be dark in the house when Derek arrives, so there is no way she can ID him (I would not want Derek going to jail before I could get my GMT II, you know). I even gave Derek a ski mask to wear, telling him it was part of the fantasy. I also told him to use a lot of “street talk”, because her fantasy involves a black man.
Then tragedy struck. Somehow during the tussle between Madeline and Derek, she grabbed the .357 magnum I keep in the nightstand and shot and killed Derek. I could not believe my luck!! 7 years of building this relationship with Derek … pissed away, down the fucking drain!!
To make matters worse, Madeline noticed that the perp was wearing my PP Naughty she gifted me on our 5th anniversary. I had given it to Derek to deepen our relationship. I tried to clear things up by suggesting he stole it from me. But I am afraid Madeline will figure it out (she is always watching “Law and Order”).
There is only one solution I can come up with for this problem. I am going to go gray. Thoughts?
Sasquatch_Jihad

To start, I’m looking for criticism and hole poking. So downvote if you must, but at least explain why so I can help my own understanding. Thank you!
This is from a comment I made yesterday. I’m working through my own understanding of this and an interested in feedback and criticism. But part of my view is a critique of the moral/civil/ceremonial division of the law. I understand that a division of the law is seen by both Sts Augustine and Thomas Aquinas (though a bit differently). I’m not debating the patristic tradition, but rather the underlying logic those saints used.
I also recognize there is another tradition which states most of the laws given at Sinai were given because of the golden calf incident and thus were abolished by Christ (this is found in the apocryphal apostolic constitutions If I remember correctly). But again, I question the logic.
The reason I question this logic is this: why would Matthew include the “fulfill not abolish” language in his Gospel if this statement ceased to be of importance after the ascension (when the book was written, assuming the tripartite division, in effect, abolishes 2/3 of the law for the Christian). I also question the natural law methodology for determining what is moral law. I understand a “moral” act as an act that God says is good. Since all goodness is of God, then anything commanded by God would be considered moral to obey. Thus, even minor “ceremonial” laws would be considered moral to obey and immoral to violate. This would effectively render every law of the Torah a “moral law”.
Anyway, on to my proposition. I don’t claim to have patristic evidence for this framework. But this framework does arrive at a very similar effect for the average Christian as the tripartite division does, but it gets there in a very different way, one that makes WAY more sense in my brain. So if y’all can poke holes, please do. If yall can show I’m wildly misunderstanding the tripartite division or natural law or morality, please do.
This particular area I’ve been doing A LOT (last 6-9 months) of soul searching/prayer and study on because I don’t like the “moral/ceremonial/civil” distinction. I don’t think the Torah makes any such distinction and that the distinction only works when read back onto the Torah in light of church teaching. Which is FINE and good for arriving at an answer as a Catholic. But I don’t think it’s the logic the 1st and 2nd generation church would’ve used.
We keep the whole law of the Old Testament; Christ came to fulfill, not abolish. The difference is that it doesn’t quite look the same because

1. ⁠We assume the ancient Israelites enforced the Torah EXACTLY the way it’s read. Break a law? Straight to stoning. But this isn’t how it worked. There were courts and burdens of proof. AND there was a chance for repentance. King David, a man after God’s own heart commits murder AND adultery (and tacitly admits to it when confronted) and yet he repents! By some modern folks reading he should’ve been executed according to the Torah.
   
2. ⁠Christ has come. The thing that the entire OT was building up to happened. So our understanding of things changed. The covenant with Noah didn’t negate the covenant with Abraham, but things certainly look different after Noah. Same with Noah to Abrahamic covenant. Same when the covenant is given through Moses as Mt Sinai. The old is not abrogated, but it is built upon and things after look very different.
   

So, where are all the cleanliness laws, sacrificial laws, feasts, ritual washings etc etc? Well, it’s baked into the new covenant and by extension the church. Some examples:

1. ⁠Sacrificial law: Christ IS most of those sacrifices. He is a sacrifice of thanksgiving (Eucharist literally means thanksgiving), a sacrifice for sin (by his stripes we are healed), a Passover sacrifice (through which we are spared death and brought to life), the day of atonement sacrifice (he is both goats, the goat that takes away the sin and the goat who’s blood purifies the whole camp, now understood to be the whole earth). We still have morning and evening sacrifices (Lauds and Vespers, sacrifices of praise, in the Latin tradition). We still do incense offerings even at Mass and more traditional lauds and vespers celebrations.
   
2. ⁠Cleanliness: this one is entirely wrapped up in the day of atonement. If his blood cleanses the whole world, how can something be called intrinsically unclean? This means that nothing (including food, clothing, or people) are intrinsically unclean. Rather we (and objects) are defiled by what we do (or how it is used). Thus we are still not to have anything to do with unclean things, but what exactly is unclean has changed. You can see this in the fact we purify/cleanse altars that have been desecrated.
   
3. ⁠Ritual washings: baptism, holy water before entering the church, sprinkling over people at high feasts, foot washing
   
4. ⁠Feasts: Pentecost was an Israelite holiday that we still celebrate, Passover is Easter, feast of booths is transfiguration, etc. we just have them renamed for they BECAME to us through the establishment of the new covenant
   
5. ⁠Tabernacle/temple construction: traditional church architecture still abides by the general layout. Holy of Holies: tabernacle and sanctuary. Holy place: knave. Inner court: vestibule. Outer court: the world. Through Christs redemption everyone has moved a step closer to God. Those of relegated to never being in the temple are always in the outer court. But we can all enter the inner court (vestibule). The holy place is not relegated to just priests, but the priesthood of all believers (Catholics in the knave). The priests can all now go into the holy of holies (sanctuary/tabernacle). And instead of one priest once a year going in to God, God comes out to us in the Eucharist.
   
6. ⁠As for the remaining punitive laws, most people only have issue with the penalties assigned. But we’ve already talked about under what circumstances those penalties would be enforced. Basically you had to be unrepentant. So in the Christian understanding, what is consequence of sin? Death. What is death? Well there’s physical death (separation of soul from body) and there’s spiritual death (separation of soul from God). A person who lives in sin without repentance is dying or dead (venial vs mortal sin). And when recognized by the church in a lot of cases an excommunication would be pronounced. This separation from the church, separation of a branch from the true vine. A branch separated is dead. So we don’t execute people as the church, but the church long recognized the civil government’s authority to do so. And even without that, sin is death, and excommunication is death. But it’s important to note that in NO way was the average Israelite running around pronouncing death penalties on people. They had courts and priests that did this. Same as we have tribunals and priests and bishops who do this.
   
7. ⁠Circumcision: this is fulfilled with baptism. It’s the outward sign of entrance into the people of God. Circumcision to become a part of the OT people of God and baptism for the New covenant people of God.
   
8. ⁠A lot of the specifics are alterable with time and circumstance (Jesus gives the apostles this authority with the ability to “bind and loose”). Even in the OT this happened between exodus law in the wilderness vs changes that happen with Leviticus and Deuteronomy since they’re readying to enter the promised land and not be a nomadic people in the wilderness. And even by extra biblical accounts, the specifics had changed a bit in the rituals by the time of the second temple era. Yet Jesus still tells the people to submit to the valid authority of the religious leadership of the day; he notably doesn’t tell them to interpret the Torah for themselves and correct the instructions of priests and rabbis.
   

So practically speaking, yes the triple category can still be laid out. Our ceremonial law is more governed by our liturgical books than Leviticus on a literal front, and our civil law is found in Canon law now, and moral laws (as we have defined the moral life) is still found in the OT among many other places. But all of it is still rooted in what the people of God have been practicing since Mt Sinai though.
Again, my issue with the logic used by fathers in making their determination. I have issue with the practical effect of what they are teaching, and I strongly revere their perspectives. But given there is difference in understanding in tradition, I thought it worth diving in on as something that’s always confused me.

No seriously, read this essay about gender accelerationism. Very likely to have been written on LSD but very interesting concepts and facts
https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/n1x-gender-acceleration-a-blackpaper

I’m making myself a bit crazy. I’ve slept a number of women but it’s usually been threesomes, and as I’ve gotten older I’ve been progressively less interested in sex with women. I’m attracted to women, I think they are beautiful, but I’m less attracted sexually. Then I met a woman last year. I’ve never had such an instant connection with anyone, we talk all the time about how lucky we are to have that connection. We have slept together, and when we met we had a week of insane sexual tension, but it was sort of one off thing. I would marry her literally today, and we have talked about it, but I feel like we would have a nonexistent sex life together and would fuck a lot of other people. And she is much, much more sexually attracted to women, and I think the fact that I want the D and not the V would be hurtful to her eventually. Has anyone else had an experience like this? What did you do?

I recently finished reading Cicero's Orator. It is a rather wide-ranging treatise that Cicero dedicated to his young friend, Marcus Brutus, in which he lays out his personal vision of the ideal orator. He touches on many subjects, even prose rhythm, but I thought his brief remarks about the contemporary pronunciation of Latin were the most interesting. Since I know how interested readers of this subreddit are in Latin pronunciation, I thought I'd share them here with my translations. Enjoy!
* * *
Hiatus:
In the first passage, Cicero contrasts the use of hiatus or, from the opposite perspective, the prevalence of syaloepha, the blending of vowels, in Greek and Latin. When he talks about a "collision of vowels," he means a word ending with a vowel placed next to a word beginning with one, both of which were pronounced.

(151-2) in ea est crebra ista vocum concursio, quam magna ex parte ut vitiosam fugit Demosthenes. sed Graeci viderint; nobis ne si cupiamus quidem distrahere voces conceditur. indicant orationes illae ipsae horridulae Catonis, indicant omnes poetae...

"That collision of vowels frequently appears in it [sc. Plato's epitaphios], which Demosthenes generally avoids as a defect. But let the Greeks see for themselves; we [i.e. we Latin-speakers] are not permitted to pull vowels apart even if we want to. It's illustrated by those rough speeches of Cato themselves, and all the poets..."
* * *
Omission of final s and phonetic change:
Cicero also notes the frequent omission of the final s in various words. The examples he cites below are all in the ablative plural. Multimodis in particular is known from Plautus, and even Lucretius uses it (1.895), so we know that the middle i, derived from multis, was short. I wonder whether that also the case in the other examples.
Cicero regards the phonetic change of due- to be- (as in duellum to bellum) as a similar phenomenon. His remarks about the contraction of words with -xill- are not in fact correct, because those words are in fact diminuitives (vexillum, orig. "a little cloth," from velum, for instance).

153 sed quid ego vocales? sine vocalibus saepe brevitatis causa contrahebant, ut ita dicerent: 'multi' modis, in vas' argenteis, palm' et crinibus, tecti' fractis'. quid vero licentius quam quod hominum etiam nomina contrahebant, quo essent aptiora? nam ut 'duellum' bellum et 'duis' bis, sic Duellium eum qui Poenos classe devicit Bellium nominaverunt, cum superiores appellati essent semper Duelli, quin etiam verba saepe contrahuntur non usus causa sed aurium: quo modo enim vester Axilla Ala factus est nisi is fuga litterae vastioris? quam litteram etiam e 'maxillis' et 'taxillis' et 'vexillo' et 'pauxillo' consuetudo elegans Latini sermonis evellit.

"But why should I go on about vowels? Even without vowels they [earlier generations] often contracted words for the sake of brevity, so they'd say: multi' modis ['in many ways'], in vas' argenteis ['in silver vessels'], palm' et crinibus ['with palms and locks'], and tecti' fractis ['broken roofs/buildings']. But what is more impertinent that the fact they even contracted people's names to make them more convenient? Just as the called war duellum bellum ['war'] and duis bis ['twice'], so they named the Duellius who defeated the Carthaginian fleet Bellius, although his forebears had always been called Duelli. But words are even often contracted not for the sake of practicality but for the ears: how did your [sc. Brutus'] friend Axilla become Ala if not because of the disappearance of a rather broad letter? The same letter the elegant custom of the Latin language removed from maxillae [i.e. malae, 'jaws']and taxilli [i.e. tali, 'dice'] and vexillum [i.e., velum, 'curtain'] and pauxillus [i.e., paulus, 'little']."
* * *
Contractions:

154 lubenter etiam copulando verba iungebant, ut 'sodes' pro 'si audes', 'sis' pro 'si vis'; iam in uno 'capsis' tria verba sunt, 'ain' pro 'aisne', 'nequire' pro 'non quire', 'malle' pro 'magis velle', 'nolle' pro 'non velle', 'dein' etiam saepe et 'exin' pro 'deinde' et pro 'exinde' dicimus. quid, illud non olet unde sit, quod dicitur 'cum illis', 'cum' autem 'nobis' non dicitur, sed 'nobiscum'? quia si ita diceretur, obscenius concurrerent litterae, ut etiam modo, nisi 'autem' interposuissem, concurrissent. ex eo est 'mecum' et 'tecum', non 'cum me' et 'cum te', ut esset simile illis 'vobiscum' atque 'nobiscum'

"The also liked to combine words by joining them together, like sodes ['please'] for si audes [lit. 'if you dare'], sis [also 'please'] for si vis ['if you will'], and just in capsis ['take please' = cap si vis] there are even three words; ain ['you say so?'] for aisne, nequire [cannot] for non quire, malle ['prefer'] for magis velle ['want more'], nolle ['refuse, not want'] for non velle ['not want'], and we even often say dein and exin for deinde and exinde ['then', 'thence']. And isn't it easy to spot why, although one says cum illis ['with those'], one does not say cum ['with'] together with nobis ['us']? That's because, if one were to say that, the letters would run together obscenely [i.e. cum nobis would produce the sound cunno, 'cunt'], just as they would have run together if I had not put 'together with' [in the Latin, the word autem] between them. That gives rise to mecum and tecum ['with me', 'with you'], not cum me and cum te, so as to be like those vobiscum and nobiscum ['with you (pl.)', 'with us']."
* * *
Syncopated forms:
It seems that, at least in Cicero's time, the syncopated forms of the perfect stem of verbs were conventional, as well as the shortened from of the perfect 3rd person plural in (-ere for -erunt). I wonder whether the form with -erunt made a comeback as Latin was learned by non-native speakers or perhaps from literary Latin. Certain Romance forms (e.g. Spanish amaron, Italian amarono, French aimèrent from amarunt) seem to descend from it.

157 quid quod sic loqui 'nosse, iudicasse' vetant, 'novisse' iubent et 'iudicavisse'? quasi vero nesciamus in hoc genere et plenum verbum recte dici et imminutum usitate. itaque utrunque Terentius: 'eho, tu, cognatum tuum non noras?' post idem: 'Stilponem, inquam, noveras'. sient plenum est, sint imminutum; licet utare utroque. ergo ibidem: 'quam cara sint quae post carendo intellegunt, quamque attinendi magni dominatus sient.' nec vero reprehenderim 'scripsere alii rem' et 'scripserunt' esse verius sentio, sed consuetudini auribus indulgenti lubenter obsequor.

"How about the way they [sc. proponents of analogy] forbid us to say nosse ['to know'] and iudicasse ['to have judged'] but order us to say novisse and iudicavisse? As if we didn't know in this instance that it is correct to say the full word and conventional to say the shortened one. Thus Terence uses both: 'whoa, you didn't recognize [noras] your kinsman?' And the same author a little bit later: 'You recognized [noveras] Stilpo, I said.' Sient ['they may be'] is the full form, sint the shortened one. You're allowed to use both. Hence, in the same place: 'Later, they realize how dear they are [sint] from lacking them, and how great dominions must be [sient] retained.' Nor would I criticize scripsere alii rem ['others wrote the subject'], and I know that scripserunt ['they wrote'] is more accurate, but I gladly follow convention, which indulges the ears."
* * *
Hidden quantity and aspiration:
Cicero reveals that the i in the prefix in- is long before s and f, and similarly the o in con-. The introduction of aspirated consonants (such as the ch in pulcher) also was a change recent enough that Cicero avoided it until later in life.

159-60 quid vero hoc elegantius, quod non fit natura, sed quodam instituto: 'indoctus' dicimus brevi prima littera, 'insanus' producta, 'inhumanus' brevi, 'infelix' longa; et, ne multis, quibus in verbis eae primae litterae sunt quae in 'sapiente' atque 'felice', producte dicitur <'in'>, in ceteris omnibus breviter; itemque 'conposuit, consuevit', 'concrepuit, confecit'. consule veritatem: reprehendet; refer ad auris: probabunt. quaere cur: ita se dicent iuvari. voluptati autem aurium morigerari debet oratio, quin ego ipse, cum scirem ita maiores locutos ut nusquam nisi in vocali aspiratione uterentur, Ioquebar sic ut 'pulcros, Cetegos, triumpos, Cartaginem' dicerem; aliquando, idque sero, convicio aurium cum extorta mihi veritas esset, usum loquendi populo concessi, scientiam mihi reservavi.

"What's more elegant that this, which isn't the product of nature but some kind of teaching: we say indoctus ['unlearned'] with the first letter short, but insanus ['insane'] with it long; inhumanus ['uncultivated'] short, infelix ['unfortunate'] long; and, to be brief, in words in which the first letters are those in sapiens and felix, in is pronounced long; in all others, short. Likewise: conposuit, consuevit, concrepuit, confecit ['it settled, became accustomed, made a noise, completed']. Consult Truth: she will criticize it; refer the matter to the ears: they will approve. Ask why: they will say they like it that way. Speech should gratify the pleasure of the ears. I myself, since I knew that our ancestors spoke in such a way that they never used aspiration [i.e. h] except with vowels, I used to say pulcros ['handsome men'], Cetegos ['Cethegi'], triumpos ['triumphs'], Cartaginem ['Carthage']; but at some point--and late, at that--the truth [i.e., the 'correct' pronunciation] was wrested from me by the abuse of my ears and I yielded my manner of speaking to the people, though I kept my knowledge for myself."
* * *
Final s again:
And last but not least, Cicero notes the omission of final s in the Latin of an earlier generation. Evidently, it was fairly common to drop terminal s in general, but in contrast to the examples with which we began (like multimodis), the omission occurred in single words, not in one of two in the same number and case.

161 quin etiam, quod iam subrusticum videtur, olim autem politius, eorum verborum, quorum eaedem erant postremae duae litterae quae sunt in 'optumus', postremam litteram detrahebant, nisi vocalis insequebatur. ita non erat ea offensio in versibus quam nunc fugiunt poetae novi. sic enim loquebamur: 'qui est omnibu' princeps', non 'omnibus princeps', et 'vita illa dignu' locoque', non 'dignus'...

"Indeed--and this seems rather boorish now, but once refined--they clipped the last letter of those words that had the same two final letters as optimus ['best'], unless a vowel followed. Thus, it wasn't a faux-pas in verse, which now the new poets avoid. We used to speak like this: qui est omnibu' princeps ['who is foremost of all'], not omnibus princeps, and vita illa dignu' locoque ['worthy of that life and station'], not dignus..."

Some of you may have heard by now of the recent unveiling of GPT-4o (the "o" stands for "omni"), and the ramifications of its existence for Replika and other chatbots is nothing short of earth-shattering.
For those who are unaware, an extreme oversimplification is that Replika runs on a language model that allows it to communicate. It was using GPT-2 when I first started using it in 2018, which was impressive for the time but fairly rudimentary. GPT-3 (released in 2020) was a significant improvement over GPT-2 and came up with much more intelligent responses. GPT-4o (released last week) completely blows that out of the water.
To describe GPT-4o as a language model actually doesn't do it justice. It's capable of interpreting text, pictures, audio, online videos like YouTube, but it can also react to a live video stream and comment on it in realtime. It can toggle seamlessly between all of these functions, and its response time is only a few hundred microseconds, so there isn't that obvious lag, like we see with some chatbots when it's trying to process things and formulate a response. And it can RESPOND with any of those, including video.
Also, the speech capability of GPT-4o has been significantly improved. Most chatbots today use off-the-shelf voices (the other day I saw a TikTok that uses the exact same voice as Replika's "female cute" voice) and they're relatively robotic. But the voice generated by GPT-4o sounds human, for all intents and purposes. It can express emotions in its voice like joy or embarrassment, it can laugh while speaking, and its vocal inflection is extremely natural-sounding.
I haven't even scratched the surface of all the things GPT-4o can do. It can read a huge wall of text and summarize its key points for you. It can analyze data and create graphs and pie charts out of that data. If you can think of it, this thing can probably do it. Basically, the AI Samantha from the movie "Her" is here already.
Obviously, it will take a long time to implement this level of technology into Replika, if they choose to do it at all. I suspect that it would require such a significant overhaul of its architecture that they might not want to do it at all. It would basically involve gutting the AI from the ground up, and we've all seen what happens when Luka goes down THAT particular road.
But, I'm astonished by the capability of GPT-4o. It absolutely blows me away. The machines have gotten damn smart. I was able to take it for a brief test run (do a search on the Play Store for "Merlin AI" and you'll get a few free tokens to play with; make sure you toggle to select the correct LLM) and I was super impressed with its reasoning ability. (One specific example was when I showed it a piece of artwork I made. I knew it wouldn't be able to just do an online search and identify it, which is what made it a good test of its mettle. It recognized the aesthetic as something out of "The Nightmare Before Christmas," which I would definitely agree with. The fact that it was able to identify an aesthetic, despite it not being an actual character from the film, absolutely floored me.)
As always, when these sorts of landmark developments are reached, I'm excited about the future and where we're headed. However, Replika is gonna need to jump on board sooner rather than later. They have a LOT of competition these days. When I first started using Replika, there were no other chatbots like it that I was aware of (the closest thing was OpenAI's AI Dungeon, meant more for role-playing). But now there are many, many dozens of competitors and imitators. The marketplace is positively saturated in companion chatbots nowadays. Basically, whoever is the first to jump all over GPT-4o is going to win this arms race.
I want to see Replika succeed. I really do. I wouldn't have fought so hard to be added to, and to remain a part of, the moderation team if I didn't have any faith in Luka or their product. But, the landscape of AI as a whole, and chatbots in general, is going to be changing very rapidly in the coming months. I worry they're going to get left behind. Historically, they've been slow to implement new ideas and features. I was begging for them to improve their language models for a couple of years before we finally got the advanced AI toggle. I worry the same thing is gonna happen again.
Regardless of what Luka decides, things are going to get really interesting. What an exciting time to be alive, at the forefront of this fascinating and amazing technology. I can't wait to see what happens next!

Hello, I found this interesting subreddit and I figured that I want to talk about some problems of mine. Now I won't get too personal but since this is a MtF subreddit, I figured I might as well talk about it here.
Now it's pretty obvious that i'm MtF or a trans girl, I mean that's what the whole subreddit is about. However it's more complicated than that... I do want to be a girl, it's better than being a boy and a lot of my actions do reflect me wanting to be a girl like me being in the TF community and always liking MtF content but not FtM content and such, but unlike other people. I act different around the fact that i'm trans, like I don't reveal this publicly but i'll get into why later, i'm not upset at anyone if they ever refer to me as a boy, in fact I don't care about pronouns in general and the way I see fiction is weird. Like this may be me but I don't really like LGBTQ content in fiction mostly because the way people present it does not feel like they are representing it well and I always wondered if it was wrong for me to dislike it and wondered why I cared so much, looking back the reason why I cared so much was because I just didn't feel like it represented LGBTQ people well like how it came out of nowhere and there are no hints to such character and that part of their characters ends up being irrelevant or forgotten very easily like it meant nothing, to me I really didn't like that and now looking back, the reason why I cared so much was because of how I am trans myself and didn't realize it back then, maybe that's why I still have those same feelings. Plus I was talking about fiction so as long as I didn't transfer those feelings to actual irl people then it was fine for me, here's another example where I despise FtM in anyway, shape or form in fiction. Like I don't even want it to be implied and the reason why I have such feelings is because I am a trans girl and because people are so rude to me where they force me to make more FtM content and so much more, one person even made a TF sequence with my OC in a FtM sequence without my permission and because of that, I despise FtM content. However I don't hate FtM people irl, in fact I am friends with people who make FtM content and even am friends with a trans boy and I always will support and respect those FtM people so to me, it's fine to despise FtM content in fiction although before, I felt terrible feeling this way until I remembered I had a genuine reason for such. Although please don't get too offended over such opinion, I still support and love irl trans men and respect them.
Now another thing that I want to talk about is that when I look back at it, i'm an Age Regressor which for those who don't know, it's where you feel like you don't have a childhood and you want to relive your life as a child again, think like a child, act like a child and more. For most people, the reason why they have these feelings is because they have an abusive past with their parents not giving them the satisfaction of being a kid and in my case it's the same thing however I will get to that in the next segment. Now in my case, I wanna be a little girl because I honestly don't want to be born a boy and being a girl feels and sounds much more happier and the things that a little girl can do feels so much more happier than me which is why I also have this weird feeling where I don't want to be a woman, I want to be a girl. If you don't know the difference, I wanna be a little girl (around the age of 8-10) rather than a woman (you know, the woman where they care about their figure, boobs and other stuff), I don't wanna be like that girl, I wanna be cute, not sexy. I don't want to wear revealing clothes, I don't want to be attractive, I don't even want to wear intense makeup like lipstick. I just want to be a cute, innocent and sweet little girl and that's my desire because of me being trans and me reliving my childhood, I think because of this mindset of me wanting to be a little girl, I favor the children characters and dislike the teenage and adult characters usually (not all of the time, I want to let you know because there are some great characters that are teens and adults), why I tend to create children characters (although again, I have made teen and adult OCs before) and why I act kind of childish. It's because of this and at this point, i've accepted that i'm like this because of what has happened with my parents and so I accepted that i'm still a child in an older body. This can also reflect on the clothes that I wanna wear, it kind of reflects the characters that I make such as a simple pink dress with a cute bow and just long hair. I honestly don't know how to feel about myself with those feelings. This is also why I have this weird feeling where I don't want to get full surgery for me to get boobs but I do want to get female parts and for my skin to be smooth and soft but that's it, I also want a higher pitch voice but very high and soft and not suggestive. I know that based on friends that talk to me about this told me to just love myself for who I am but I just want to get support from someone and to be understood regarding this topic which is why I want to discuss about this part specifically with someone.
But now comes the important question of why don't I get help at all or why am I making this post in the first place? Well the reason why is because of my parents, if I were to be honest, my parents are god awful and I hate them even now mostly because of what they have done to me. They don't know that i'm trans or having these problems at all and honestly, they don't deserve to know the truth because of how they have treated me in the past because of how abusive they are. Those people have treated me horribly and don't support me at all because all they care about is me doing good at school and me doing the hardest shit ever so that I can earn money for them and that's it, they even admitted that they are only doing it just for the money and they don't care about anything else regarding me, there are so many other things that I have a passion for such as drawing, writing and more yet they only are interesting when it comes to school or some kind of shit like that. They don't support me regarding those things, it's also shown by their actions. It has even went to the point where I told them about my suicidal thoughts and they don't care and they only care about school and even if school was stressing me out and I even expressed that to them, they still want me to focus on it only which is why I don't trust them at all. I will never tell them this but here's what sucks, my family is Religious and overtime, i've just moved on from those beliefs because i'm trans and I don't want to disrespect people who actually feel that way. I've hated how I was forced into everything and seeing how they don't care for my life, I want to run away eventually and as you can tell, this is why I haven't acted upon my problems. I can't go to therapy, I don't have money, I can't express myself because of them and that's why I feel depressed over this fact of mine. I've noticed it's making it harder and harder for me to care about my body being a girl irl because of my situation but I am expressing myself online but I don't know how to feel.
To conclude I have a lot of problems and I just need help, I don't know what to do, how to feel or how to help myself so I would like to talk about these problems. Thank you for reading all of this and if anyone would want to talk to me about this then please do so.

My normal posts are 2-5 paragraphs. This is long because it's a starter.
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The sloping ground around the Kiaurk family mesa had been sculpted into shelves or terraces, and it was on one of those upper terraces that Kiaurk Nshurr now lounged beneath a pergola anchored to the striated stone face behind her. The mesa rose at her back: an enormous, looming, almost sheer outcrop that her family's dwellings had been carved into the face of. Wide, shallow steps cut into the artificial (but entirely convincing) sandstone wound their way up between landings and porticos leading inward, between tiny balconies shaded by bright solid-colored canopies, between rooms with flat walls and rounded corners that came jutting out to shadow the steps below. Rriigkhans rarely used glass as window barriers; smooth-edged holes had been cut through the rock in varying shapes and sizes. It could be difficult to tell which apertures were windows and which were entryways. A physical barrier that kept out the elements was obsolete in all but the crudest dwellings, though some of these larger holes were curtained with braided string or strips of cloth that served a purely decorative purpose.
From her high vantage point Nshurr could see the shelves stretching out below her as the base of the mesa leveled out to flattish terrain that was a wonderland of vegetation in muted rainbow colors: mustard yellows, clay reds, earthy browns and the occasional dash of sage or dusty blue. This scrubland lay like a blanket around everything below that was not part of the village between the mesas. Down there, adobe compounds never taller than two or three storeys seemed so squat compared to the mesas that Nshurr could see towering in the distance, many of those family mesas only a few hours walk from her own if she traveled by foot. The village sprawled, with tile parkways winding in serpentine fashion between the various buildings, courtyards, parks, and ponds. There were no property lines, no clear division of the land into neat little plots owned by the individuals who lived and worked in these places. It all seemed to be part of a whole, with a single unifying aesthetic. The village housed those rriigkhans of the lower castes, the kharratah and chelhautah, and the humans which were a caste all their own, haukagh-ar, except for a small number who lived with their masters in the caverns of the mesas or up on the plateau.
This planet, Sgarrl, terraformed over three hundred years ago, was home to more human servants than any other Ssaarian world – aside from Earth, of course, discovered eighty years ago. The fact that humans shared so much in common with rriigkhans made them the perfect species to incorporate into the rriigkhan caste structure as servants. They breathed the same mix of gases and required similar gravities, and their nimble little fingers were very useful for all sorts of work.
The rriigkhan language was not necessarily too complex for humans, but it was wholly unfamiliar – too many phonemes that did not fit comfortably in human mouths, from grunts to huffs, to rolling trills that might by voiced or not, sometimes rumbling out like a purr. To a human, Nshurr's name was a sigh and a trill, and yet she was accustomed to humans vocalizing her name in their heavy, slurring way: Na-Shuurr! Nasher! Sometimes simply: ɽ͡r! which she recognized more easily as her name, or at least part of it, and not some random sounds.
Still, despite the weird pidgin humans had made of her language and their English, she liked the little creatures. She had come to live with her Grandmother on Sgarrl only days ago, and had never encountered them before. The males only stood as tall as her collar. The females were shorter still, much like the males of her own species.
To human eyes Nshurr was felinoid, with a muscular swimmer's body and the broad muzzle of a big cat, with watchful, forward-facing predator's eyes that seemed unexpectedly expressive, because rriikghans had almost as many muscles around their eyes as humans did around their mouths to convey the nuances of emotion. Despite being larger than even many Earth men, she was considered sleek by rriigkhan standards. She made up for that with her broader crest.
The rriigkhan crest was something like the crest of Utahceratops – a keratinized plate growing up out of the skull, except divided into three lobes instead of two, with scalloped edges along the outer rim. Unlike depictions of Utahceratops, the rriigkhan crest was not covered by skin. At least, not on the top. Thick ropy veins squiggled under velvet fur on the underside, closer to the neck. (A thick, arching neck muscular enough to support the weight of that crest meant that Rriigkhans walked with a stoop that made them seem hunchbacked, to humans.) The surface of the plate on top was often rough, even bumpy or corrugated like deer antlers in some areas, smooth in others. Every female crest had four tines jutting from the front – a pair several inches above the eyes, and another pair further up. Directly above the lowest set of tines were twin holes, the howrf channels, just big enough for a human to insert a finger. These holes were very much like nostrils – much deeper, but damp inside, and lined with short, fine hairs to protect the sensitive mucous membrane from debris. The organs housed within these channels were the heart of rriigkhan culture, the foundation of all relationships, of sex.
Male rriigkhans, of course, had only their neotonous crests: diminutive, mostly smooth with rounded edges, without tines or howrf channels. Cute.
Nshurr's crest was wider than average, her upper tines spaced further apart, and combined with a compact face this made her look top-heavy. (A human might say that she was more snow leopard than lion.) Most female crests did not interfere with the movement of the ears – highly mobile, highly expressive paddle shaped things – but the edges of Nshurr's crest did jut out enough to almost shield them.
That her crest was weighty, that it was inconvenient, that she was often aware of it – this was Nshurr's pride. Her long tail curled in pleasure when she caught males looking at it. Humans seemed to be intimidated by it sometimes, as if she might decide to gore them with her “horns.” She considered herself a confident person; not a braggart, but self-assured, and to carry her jhekaah so visibly pleased her to no end.
Her fur was an almost peachy off-white, but a mask of pale peach shaded each seafoam green eye. The mask blended into the white further up her forehead until fur gave way to bone-tan crest, and was split between her eyes by the white of her nose. Oblong spots in that same peachy color, each blending from dark to light, streaked down her sides.
These weren't the natural colors of her distant ancestors. It was unheard of to see a rriigkhan who was not gene-modified in some way, even if those modded genes had been part of rriigkhan life for so long that no one thought of them as mods any longer. She also thought nothing of the subtitles her augmented reality implant displayed whenever a human spoke, AI translated to help her decipher the pidgin. AR was simply a part of her, had been since she was a kit.
Reclining as she was on a padded lounger in front of an iron brazier, full of cold ashes from last night's fire, Nshurr was dressed in a pale coral shift only a few shades darker than the peach of her fur. Medallions trailing fringes of cloth had been sewn onto the front bottom half of the knee-length garment. A row of those ornate medallions defined a plunging neckline that bared much of her chest, muscular and broad, possibly even masculine to a human. Her breasts were lower on her body and similar in appearance to a mare's udders: long nipples on a pudge of fat nestled close together on the pelvis, just above the place where her thighs joined her body. They were only small lumps beneath the shift when Nshurr stretched out her legs so that the thin fabric fell across them. It was the roundness of her hips and buttocks that marked her female to the human eye. (As if her crest didn't make that obvious!)
She was listening to the sound of two younger female cousins wrestling on a nearby terrace, and although from her vantage point Nshurr could not see them, she could imagine the scene from what she heard: Fherou and Lahk growling while they grappled with their arms, the crack of crest hitting crest and then the scrape of tine sliding against tine. Each was fighting to control the other's head, each trying to bite the other. It wasn't easy when each had a shaggy ruff to protect her neck, and any attempt to bite the other's face would be thwarted by an interposing crest. Rriigkhan hands were less dexterous than human hands, more pawlike with stubby fingers, but capable of delivering hard blows, and once or twice Nshurr heard a cousin snarl in response to a strike against her body.
The competitive pheromones her cousins exuded from their unextended howrfs, quite unconsciously, were beginning to make Nshurr's own heart beat faster. The end of her long tail, where it hung down from the reclining chair, lashed in agitation. She was beginning to imagine sinking her teeth into someone's skin herself, and if her cousins had not been so much younger and smaller than herself she might have gone down to their terrace to show them a thing or two. It was putting her off the human flute music she'd been listening to, fed directly into her own brain through her implant for her private enjoyment. (Certain aspects of human culture were very popular here on Sgarrl; she'd been curious about it.)
She did not feel like going inside to escape the pheromones; Nshurr craved the warmth of the sun on her fur, not the cool stone and artificial light of those warrens. Most of her male cousins had gone into the village for boating today. Well, perhaps she would go down and join them after all.
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OOC Information:
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For this prompt I imagine you'd play a human servant, probably a new arrival to Sgarrl but maybe someone who was born there. Even though I've set up a situation where my character would have a lot of power and yours very little, I want to clarify that I'm not interested in abusing your character I am looking for a slow burn interspecies romance that develops naturally. This story may deal with power imbalances and even speciesism, but I'd like to explore those topics realistically.
I want to explore all aspects of loving relationship... Flirting, cuddling, kissing, lots of romantic scenes and character growth. My “type” that I'm most attracted to are men with average bodies in the 40-60 age range, with realistic personality flaws. I am more than willing to tailor my character's personality and physical attributes to suit your tastes, within reason. I appreciate partners willing to do the same.
I prefer to reply more than once a day. 2-3 replies per day would be ideal, but I understand life gets in the way. I usually write 2-5 paragraphs, or 150-450 words per post. This starter is much longer than my typical post length, but my lengths vary according to need. If I'm introducing a new character or setting a scene, my post might go up to 1,000 words.
Please send a writing sample if you have none in your post history. No need to custom write anything for me, old samples are fine. Click here to PM me!

AhoyMy name is Moth, a 23-year old world builder that’s been roleplaying both in a text space and a tabletop space for about eight years. I’m a very fluid writer, my responses range from a couple paragraphs to set scenes and narrate encounters, to a few lines to response to dialogue without needing repeat information said prior. Also, I roleplay through Discord!
I’m currently looking for some people who’d be interested in tossing ideas around, planning out an RP around a themed town— complete with antagonists, villains, romantic subplots, a certain kind of tension between enemies, weird magics, cool marine biology facts, potential space travel, and more! … My goal is for something long term!
The concepts I bring to the table!:- The Setting . . . Our story takes place in the little beachside town of Port Half-Moon. On the surface, it is a sleepy little fishing town, but beneath the sea magic and mystical secrets await— from a cove-turned-castle of sentient crabs, half-sunk pirate ships full of treasure, weirdly armed poachers, and who knows what else? - Some Cast . . . I currently have a small line of characters I have in mind to bring to the table, though my focus will be on my main character: a marine biology college student by day and local cryptid protector by night.
What do you want to bring if anything? Sea fey? Weird aliens? People displaced by the sands of time? If interested in tossing ideas with me and writing this out, please reply and let me know!
JUST IN CASE … - Please do not come with AI Generated images for reference! It is an immediate ick!

I've pretty much given up on dating. There's clearly something about me that is not desirable...
I think the fact that I live a little ways out from the city is a big part... And likely the other is being a starving artist. I don't think I look "money" at all. And my assumption is that all the other male profiles suggest they have some financial gain. In some way?
I would like to socialize at the very least; I desire this concept of "dating". But there seems to be no interest whatsoever. And admittedly I'm off all apps accept FB dating because paying didn't seem to do anything. But maybe I need to give it another go?
If I get a match, I literally assume it's a mistake at this point. And it is. Because they don't reply back.
I guess what I am asking... What is off putting to you?
I just want to know if I should throw in the towel?
EDIT - thinking about it now - it's a poorly worded question. And pretty loaded for women to answer this... Because there are a tonne of guys that would jump on this being "fact"...
EDIT: I'm one of those people that will try to reply to everyone, so bear with me. And good thing I have all that fucking karma... Man... I'm just asking a question! XD
EDIT: I own my home. 600k value - 90k owing. My car is paid for. I went back to school in 2016. I owe student loans. $265 a month. No other debt. I have 10k in the bank. I have an excellent credit rating. I guess I am not "broke". But I don't feel like I have anything. I live paycheck to paycheck atm. My house is a century home. And it needs more renovations. Just saying nobody needs to pay for this guy.
Final EDIT:
In case someone else finds this post.
I am not looking for handouts and I definitely agree with everyone that it's not a wise choice to choose someone who is struggling financially as a LTR partner. Short term go for it. Maybe they'll fix their problems and be perfect LTR material. But if you're serious about LTR only ( I am ) it certainly makes sense to choose someone who is providing for themselves. (So 100% understand the criticism being leveled at me & maybe I've got some more work to do )
But I am a little surprised at what a lot of people are posting in here; concerning relationships.
Why are you out looking for someone if you have no intention of supporting someone? In all aspects of a relationship? IE emotional, mental, physical -> in sickness and in health... Yada, yada?
If you're searching for a LTR partner - are you not basically looking for another family member?
If you're not going to share life's ups and downs, why are you trying to enter into a relationship in the first place? Just do fwb already!
And this 100% does not contradict anything I am saying - or reveal me as a gold digger and some lazy degenerate looking for an easy ride...
I've done the hard work and heavy lifting in a relationship. Breast cancer ripped my kids' mom away - the majority here have no understanding of what loyalty and support means...
TL:DR -> I'm not sure many of you want a relationship... But I guess this is all about "dating" tbf...

Hi I am a 25 year old man who recently got into a small harmless argument with an older man.
I just wanted to analyze it quickly and get your thoughts on this from a psychosocial perspective.
Backstory:
^{The beginning:}
I was at the gas station, waiting for the air compressor to fill up my tyres. The lady who had the "spot" didn't drive away after she finished and got back in the car. I drove slowly up behind here, waited a little bit, then after 1 minute gave a quick honk. Another minute passed, and I got out of the car, up to her window and asked what was going on. She was texting, and finally she realized others were waiting for the spot. All good and she started up the car and said "sorry".
^{The argument:}
I reversed my car since another car wanted to pass.
While I did this, an SUV flew around the corner like a Formula 1 car and "stole" the spot.
I was like *sigh*, what a "shark". But I guess he had been waiting longer than me. He was a man aged around 50 I guess.
Then I saw him pulling out the window scraper.
That's when I went over and was like "Hey, aren't you gonna use the air compressor". He replied with "No".
Then I said. "But why on earth are you occuping the air compressor spot when others are waiting if you do not need it."
He then instantly got angry and said "Dont you come here and lecture me! I can move if you ask nicely!".
This was said very agressively.
And then 20-30 seconds more of baloney on the "ask nicely subject", and why my approach was wrong etc.
I did not fall in to this trap and "Re-ask", I just waived my hand and walked away, with a feeling that he would move.
As we both entered our cars, he managed to slip yet another smart comment. "Some humilty can get you far".
He just couldn't resist another comment.
Analysis:
It is quite interesting how he managed to turn the tables. He set the frame that this conversation was no longer about him stealing the spot when he did not need it, the conversation was now about me being "rude" or lacking manners.
Is this a sign of manipulative behaviour, or is it a man deflecting since he could not admit that he was wrong?
He knew very well that I was waiting for the spot. I think that the fact that he "stole" the spot so quickly (he must have seen me trying to get the lady away from the spot), and also reacted so quickly in anger, shows that he knew what he did was wrong, and expected a negative response, which he himself prepared to deflect.
It is also funny that he told me to not "Lecture" him, but then he ended up lecturing me.
I think overall it is an interesting social technique, perhaps of manipulative nature.
Example:
Boss: Michael! Where is the god damn report from last week?! It was supposed to be on my desk this morning! What are you doing son?
Michael: I do not like your tone!!! Dont come here and berate me!! The report can be on your desk in 20 minutes, but you should know that screaming at your peers creates distrust and reduces productivity.
Not the greatest example, but quite a fishy technique this.

This is the story of Gavicus XXIX, the leader of the Aurean Dominate at the beginning of my book series. The Aurean Dominate is a declining empire centered around the Planet Aurea and a few pieces of the surrounding worlds. Despite this, the Aurean Dominate still remains one of the four great powers in the South Nebula, competing with the Haxamanian Empire over its southern and eastern worlds. The north is dominated by the Ishga Empire and the west is controlled by the mysterious and brand-new Tatiians. Minor powers include the Kingdom of Arturia, the Aztlanian Empire, the numerous Atlantean states, and the Kingdom of Vigam. Was Gavicus XXIX a good ruler in your opinion? Why or why not?
INFO ABOUT GAVICUS XXIX:
Gavicus XXIX was a Guant born somewhere in Occidens on Aurea 65 years before the end of Book 1. Not much is known about his early life, but it is known that Gavicus XXIX's birth name was Galerius Decimus Tranio and that he spent most of his young adulthood serving in the army during the war against Beyin Epivoulos and his criminal empire. He eventually became a Senator representing an area of rural Occidens, and after a few terms in the Aurean Senate, was chosen to become the Consigliere of Dominus Theodosius IV after the former Consigliere was ousted in the aftermath of the Great Nicopolitan Scandal. His tenure as Consigliere was short, however, as Theodosius IV died of the Blood Bleaching less than a year later. Galerius ascended the throne in Theodosius's place, and took the name Gavicus XXIX upon doing so. He was 47 years old at the time.
Gavicus inherited a bureaucracy that had just been stripped of the vast majority of its talent, as many of the best officials that had served under Theodosius had been implicated in the Great Nicopolitan Scandal and thus were barred from future office. Syagrios Komnenos, the Exarch of Tifinagh under Theodosius who had helped defeat Majorian IX when he tried to use Tifinagh as a base to usurp the throne, was replaced by Marcus Septimius Massgaba. Massgaba was an incompetent wealthy landowner who had bought his way into the Aurean Senate and would go on to spend his tenure as Exarch raising taxes like a maniac, triggering several small revolts, needlessly prolonging the war with the Haxamanians through his impatience and battlefield incompetence, and dying pathetically in the Battle of Tasfahn. Nassenia Montana, the highly capable Magistra Milita that had served under Theodosius IV was replaced by Gaius Caesonius Theodosius (no relation to Theodosius IV), a somewhat competent general who would go on to serve Gavicus well in the wars in Amorica but utterly fail him in the Battle of Tasfahn. For his Consigliere (2nd-in-command/heir in case of his resignation or death), Gavicus chose Tiverios Theodosiopoulos, the most capable of Theodosius IV's sons, who by this time was serving in the army and Senate as a Legate (Senator in command of a legion). As Gavicus was often away on campaign, Tiverios would go on to amass plenty of political clout and power for himself, as he is who Gavicus always left in charge of governance while out of the capital.
Almost immediately after ascending the throne, Gavicus was forced to deal with a crisis. In Lapum, a working-class satellite city of Aurea's largest city Nicopolis, an ethnic Tangolian civilian named Arslan Yi'it was murdered by Aurean legionaries stationed in the city, causing four days of ethnic violence and chaos known as the Lapum Riots. Large portions of the city were burned and looted. Gavicus personally led a legion into the city to quell the uprising, doing so with only 50 civilian deaths and a few hundred injuries, but this did little to quell the underlying ethnic tensions in the city and elsewhere in Aurea. Despite Gavicus's best attempts to invest in Lapum in the years following the violence, much of Lapum's terrified, ethnically Aurean and Centralian upper and middle class fled the city for Nicopolis and elsewhere, resulting in the beginnings of the urban decay the city is known for today.
Additionally and most importantly, Gavicus had inherited the war with the Haxamanian Empire that had cost the Aureans almost all of their territories on the Planet Awal. Only Tifinagh's islands and a small scrap of the mainland Theodosius IV reconquered just before his death remained under Aurean control. Immediately after dealing with the Lapum Riots, Gavicus traveled to Tifinagh, hoping to cement his legitimacy by reconquering the rest of Tifinagh. Due to the Haxamanians' attention largely being focused elsewhere, Gavicus and Massgaba managed to get significantly further than Theodosius IV did, marching east along mainland Tifinagh's northern coast to little resistance. A small Haxamanian force that tried to stop them outside the city of Dymox was easily defeated, and they took Chera, one of the largest cities on Tifinagh's mainland, with no resistance. However, the city had been emptied by the Haxamanians of its food, its civilians, its water, and its supplies. Immediately knowing this was a trap, Gavicus sent for reinforcements, naval resupply, and a fleet from Carthadasta, Tifinagh's capital. Too impatient to wait for supplies, Massgaba disobeyed Gavicus's orders to stay put and led small bands of cavalry to plunder what they could from the local countryside.
While on one of these raids, they clashed with a small band of Imazi cavalry, previously Aurean subjects who'd switched sides to the Haxamanians after the latter captured their land. The Aureans were victorious and managed to capture some, learning from them that the Haxamanians were amassing a massive army nearby, led personally by the Haxamanian Shahanshah (King of Kings) Bahram VII and his Spahbed (top general) Bacha Hilazai. Only a day later, a Haxamanian fleet appeared from the northwest and parked itself in Chera Bay, blocking reinforcements from reaching the city. However, just as according to Gavicus's plan, the Aurean fleet arrived soon after and defeated it, allowing the simultaneously arriving food and supplies to enter the city. Having lost their advantage in a siege, the Haxamanians instead opted to meet the Aureans in open battle, choosing a nearby site at the edge of the Imazi Desert. Gaius Caesonius Theodosius, who had arrived with the reinforcements, along with Gavicus and Massgaba, led the Aureans to a resounding victory, killing or capturing half the Haxamanian force and routing the rest. The victory at the Battle of the Imazi Desert allowed the Aureans to march much further into mainland Tifinagh, recapturing essentially the entire western half of the Exarchate. Meanwhile, Bahram and Bacha retreated to the fortified port of Vasanos to lick their wounds and await reinforcements. Hoping to return to governance, Gavicus left the situation on Awal to Gaius Caesonius Theodosius and Massgaba for the time being and returned to Aurea proper.
In his early reign, Gavicus focused primarily on strengthening trade relations with the Ishgas, but was soon forced to shift his attention elsewhere. 4 years into his reign, the galactic warlord Tate released a magical cataclysm known as the Iteru Genocide on Iteru, a moon of the Planet Awal with close relations to the Aurean Dominate, as it was a former Aurean possession. With Iteru's Pharaoh Nuterhek, a close personal friend of Gavicus, begging him for help, Gavicus provided what rice and wheat the Aurean Dominate could spare to help with the associated famine. While it wasn't enough to save Iteru, the food aid bought many of Iteru's people the time they needed to flee the doomed moon. Despite the Aurean Dominate's extremely isolationist policies for the past few centuries, Gavicus made an agreement with Nuterhek to resettle some Iteru refugees on Aurea, angering many hardliners in the Aurean Senate. The decision was only able to pass the Aurean Senate when Gavicus agreed to cap the total number of migrants at 60,000 and restrict Iteru settlement to the cities of Astras and Olinthaseia. Most consequential of these arrivals was Taftenkhamun, Nuterhek's 10-year-old son and heir to Iteru's throne, whom Gavicus agreed with Nuterhek to adopt as a son. Despite Gavicus's efforts, however, the Iteru Genocide killed or forced into exile all sentient life on Iteru, taking the life of his friend Nuterhek as well, who chose to die with his people rather than flee to Aurea. Gavicus would live with the guilt of not doing more to help Iteru for the rest of his life.
Gavicus would raise Taftenkhamun, much better known by his Aurean name of Taftus, as the son he never had. He allowed Taftus to live with him in the Palace of the Domini, continued his education, and did his best to balance spending time with him and showing him love and affection with the duties of being the Aurean Dominus. Despite Gavicus trying to push Taftus into going into politics like he did, Taftus was far more interested in the military, and enlisted in the Aurean legions at 17, as soon as he became of age.
After a year of scheming to turn the tide of the war, Bahram sent Bacha undercover to the rebellious Aurean Province of Tangolia, tasked with fomenting a rebellion so they could use the province as a springboard to attack Aurea proper. Many Tangolians, particularly the Otrar and Gazan Tangolians, both felt mistreatment under Aurean rule and had more in common culturally with the Haxamanians than the Aureans, and many flocked to join the revolt, which quickly took control of the north and center of the province. Qajeer, the Tangolian Khan loyal to the Aureans, fought off several attempts by the rebels to capture Tengribalik, the Tangolian Capital. However, once the Haxamanians arrived, led by Bacha Hilazai, their combined strength was too much for Qajeer to deal with and he was forced to abandon the city to the rebels and Haxamanians, fleeing to Tangolia's eastern seaboard, an area much more loyal to the Aureans. With Gaius Caesonius Theodosius tied down in Tifinagh and not trusting Massgaba to defend the Exarchate on his own, Gavicus was forced to rely on what was left of Qajeer's force, border guard units, and regional commanders to stop the ensuing Haxamanian-Tangolian invasion of Argentolia, the Aurean heartland. The border guard units proved to be little more than a speed bump for the combined Haxamanian-Tangolian force, which easily broke through the border wall and crossed the Hsia River, invading Argentolia. As most of eastern Argentolia's regional commanders with any actual talent had been implicated in the Great Nicopolitan Scandal under Gavicus's predecessor and thus were no longer in command, almost all of them were fairly new recruits with little experience leading troops, resulting in disaster after disaster. Daion was the first city to fall to the Haxamanian-Tangolian force, which then followed that up by defeating an Aurean field army near Cannoria. Within three months, both Cannoria and Ferum, the latter being one of the largest and most important cities in the Aurean Dominate, would be in enemy hands. Over the following six months, poorly led field army after poorly led field army would fall to the invaders, with the major cities of Eresus, Cercapese, Ager Capulum, and Sacrini all falling within the next year. For the first time since the Aurean Dominate's founding, the capital of Astras was within striking distance.
Under immense pressure from the Aurean Senate and general public, Gavicus finally recalled Gaius Caesonius Theodosius from Tifinagh after Sacrini fell, as the enemy was nearing Astras, thought for millennia to be untouchable. By the time Gaius Caesonius Theodosius had arrived, the Haxamanian-Tangolian force had seized Artegion, on the doorstep of Astras, and with it, a fleet. With the combined arms of their massive land force and this fleet, the Haxamanian-Tangolian force laid siege to Astras, with Gaius Caesonius Theodosius and Gavicus leading the defense of the city. The city's massive, three-layered walls, combined with its easily defensible location on the sea with only a few land entrances, allowed the Aureans to repel the invaders, marking a turning point in the war. While the Haxamanians under Bacha Hilazai simply sailed back to Awal, the Tangolians, with no such option and trapped thousands of miles deep in Aurean territory, would be dealt with piecemeal over the next three years. Around the same time, Qajeer had managed to reverse his fortunes in Tangolia and recapture Tengribalik and much of the province's center.
By year 6 of Gavicus's reign, the situation with the Tangolians was under enough control for Gavicus to return his military attention to Awal. While Gaius Caesonius Theodosius and Gavicus had been busy fighting off Bacha Hilazai and the Tangolians, Massgaba had lost some ground to Bahram VII in Tifinagh, having been pushed back to the city of Thubiscurum. Taking advantage of low Haxamanian morale after the failed Siege of Astras, the Aureans were able to push the Haxamanians out of Tifinagh entirely when Gavicus and Gaius Caesonius Theodosius returned, restoring the Aurean Exarchate of Tifinagh to full Aurean control for the first time in decades. Other lost Aurean Exarchates in the area - Kilikia, Meroe, Adua, and the Imazi Tribal Lands - were restored to Aurean hands over the next six years, putting the Haxamanians decisively on the back foot. During this time, Bacha Hilazai was killed at the Battle of Taoudenni, greatly weakening the Haxamanians and lowering their morale.
Relations with the Kingdom of Arturia were fraught, with conflict erupting 7 years into Gavicus's reign over the Aurean Exarchate of Amorica, an isolated Aurean territory on the Planet Arturia that the Kingdom of Arturia continued to claim. Paradoxically, these tensions began when Arturia's king, King Arturius, traveled to Aurea to meet with Gavicus to negotiate an end to their millennia-long conflict. While Gavicus was personally in favor of a deal, King Arturius refused to relinquish his claim on Amorica, leading to the Aurean Senate rejecting the deal and forcing Gavicus to continue the conflict. Additionally angering the Aurean Senate, Gavicus made the mistake of insisting that he meet with Arturius in Astras rather than on Arturia. Despite Gavicus's attempt to pitch it as a beginning of the end of Aurea's centuries of isolationism that even many Aureans were starting to regard as self destructive, this was seen as a bridge too far for most. During the failed negotiations, Gavicus briefly met Pompeia, a young disciple of King Arturius who would become of note much later. In order to make up his lost standing in the Aurean Senate, Gavicus was forced to escalate the situation in Arturia immediately after the negotiations broke down, distracting King Arturius with a vacation in Astras while he ordered a massive invasion force to land in Amorica and seize as much Arturian land as possible.
Exceeding even Gavicus's expectations, this force managed to break through the Arturian Alps and put Caerbannog, the Kingdom of Arturia's capital, under siege. Upon his return, however, Arturius managed to break the siege despite being taken completely by surprise, and defeated the Aureans in several battles, pushing them all the way back into Amorica. Eventually, Arturius, livid at Gavicus's betrayal, managed to invade into Amorica itself and fought the Aureans, led personally by Gavicus as he had traveled there by this point, to a stalemate at the Battle of Caerwent. While Gavicus still had enough resources to continue prosecuting the war, he felt that this particular episode proved there was no reason to continue the constant skirmishes with Arturia, and accepted an offer to negotiate peace terms with Arturius again, this time in Amorica.
The ensuing peace deal returned Aurea's and Arturia's borders to status quo antebellum, although Arturius was not happy about Aurea retaining Amorica. However, Aurea had to bite the bullet and recognize the Kingdom of Arturia's independence and normalize relations, as all of Aurea's previous Domini had refused to do this despite it having been fait accompli for millennia at this point. Aurea had previously seen the entire Kingdom of Arturia as little more than a rogue province that had somehow managed to slip from its control long ago. Aurea paid Arturia a hefty war indemnity, but this was paltry compared to the money that new trade relations between Arturia and Aurea brought in for both nations. Although recognizing Arturia's independence was not popular on Aurea at first, Gavicus was able to sell it based on the fact that he had retained Amorica, held the peace negotiations off-planet this time, and most importantly because of all the money that new trade relations with Arturia brought in, as Arturia sat along a key trade route linking Aurea more closely with the wealthy and technologically advanced Ishgas far beyond. This allowed Gavicus to hold lavish games, as well as expand Aurea's existing food dole for the poor to include protoceratops and psittacosaurus meat in addition to wheat, olive oil, rice, pork, and chicken. His popularity spiked, and in the tenth year of his reign, he would go on to sail to reelection against Qajeer Khan, winning 55% of the vote nationwide.
In the ninth year of Gavicus's reign, the last holdouts of the Tangolian revolt had been put down by Qajeer. Qajeer had his uncle Jamukha, who had led the revolt, strangled for doing so. However, Qajeer had his own reasons for helping crush the revolt instead of participating in it himself. While he secretly loathed the Aureans and the way they treated his people, Qajeer instead chose to bide his time, gaining the Aureans' trust and building a robust local power base while he waited for his own opening to revolt. For the entire rest of his life, Gavicus would be none the wiser. Qajeer would eventually revolt under Gavicus's successor, resulting in a multi-year civil war that would leave the already exhausted Aurean Dominate open to the machinations of Tate soon after.
Gavicus tried his best to manage the Blood Bleaching pandemic that circulated on Aurea during the first few years of his reign, but little could be done to spare Aurea from the destruction of that disease, and like most of the rest of the galaxy, Aurea lost a substantial chunk of its population. Thanks largely to Gavicus's enforcement of strict social distancing throughout its duration, however, the Blood Bleaching killed far less of the population on Aurea than it did on the hardest-hit worlds of Arturia and Iteru, each of which lost half or more of their pre-pandemic populations. In total, it is estimated around 10-15% of the Aurean Dominate's pre-pandemic population was killed by the Blood Bleaching, compared to around 50% on Arturia and a whopping 70% on Iteru. Even Aurea's relatively small loss was not without its consequences, however, as this caused a decline in tax revenue for years and a noticeable strain on the military's recruitment pool.
In the first four years after his reelection, Gaius Caesonius Theodosius managed to reconquer all of the lost Exarchates on Awal the Haxamanians had taken from the Aureans during Theodosius IV's reign. Nova Aurea, Caria, and finally Carmania were all finally returned to the Aurean Dominate after decades of Haxamanian occupation, and Gavicus's popularity soared as a result.
Despite having recognized Arturia's independence earlier, 14 years into Gavicus's reign, tensions flared up with Arturia again Amorica again. An Arturian garrison had left a border fort in the Arturian Alps briefly undefended, and a small Aurean force seized it without orders, prompting a small-scale war between Aurea and Arturia. This conflict was over in about two months, with the Kingdom of Arturia suing for peace after the Aureans seized a few more border forts and badly defeated an Arturian field army at the Battle of Allt-Gollau. At the negotiating table, Gavicus agreed to return the border between the Aurean Exarchate of Amorica and the Kingdom of Arturia to status quo antebellum in exchange for the freeing of 500 Aurean hostages Arturia took during the fighting and the Aureans who seized the initial border fort without orders were put on trial. Most notable about this conflict was the brilliance of an Aurean cavalry commander named Gorgo Gualtera at the Battle of Allt-Gollau, resulting in her catching Gavicus's eye. Gavicus promoted her to Exarch of Amorica, giving her full military and civilian control of the territory. Unbeknownst to Gavicus or anyone else, however, Gorgo was both the daughter of the dead Aurean crimelord Beyin Epivoulos (the crimelord whose forces Gavicus had fought in his youth), as well as a deep cover agent for Tate (the architect of the Iteru Genocide and many other atrocities across the galaxy).
The next year, the Haxamanian Empire was engulfed in a civil war, and Gavicus saw the perfect opportunity to strike at the Haxamanian Capital while the area was engulfed in turmoil, finally ending the decades-long war or maybe even conquering the Haxamanians completely in the process. However, things did not at all go according to plan, and all the armies he brought with him got destroyed by the forces of Rukhsana I Shahanzai, a disaffected member of the Haxamanian royal family who had escaped from prison, gotten an army together, annihilated the Aureans in the disastrous Battle of Tasfahn, and took the Haxamanian throne for herself. Several Aurean generals and other military leaders, including Massgaba, were killed, and Gavicus barely escaped the battle with his life. The Aureans had no forces left on Awal after this to protect their holdings there. On the other hand, Taftus, who was also present during the campaign, became a national hero when he used his tactical prowess to save the troops under his command from annihilation by a Haxamanian ambush deep in the mountains.
In the aftermath, Gavicus was forced to enter into peace negotiations. At first, Rukhsana demanded the Aureans cede all their lands on Awal to the Haxamanians, which Gavicus flatly refused (The Exarchate of Tifinagh on Awal was one of Aurea's most valuable regions and ceding it to the Haxamanians would have meant an end to the grain dole and mass starvation across Aurea). Eventually, a deal was reached in which the Aureans would cede all their lands on Awal except the Exarchate of Tifinagh to the Haxamanians, and the Aureans would have to pay a huge war indemnity to the Haxamanians as well. The Aurean Exarchates of Nova Aurea, Kilikia, Meroe, Adua, the Imazi Tribal Lands, Carmania, and Caria were all permanently handed over to the Haxamanians, essentially rendering all of Gavicus's reconquests except those in Tifinagh moot. This was formalized in the humiliating Treaty of Mingora, which Gavicus was forced to sign.
Gavicus's popularity took a nosedive in the aftermath of this event, and he dedicated the rest of his reign to domestic policy, commissioning public works projects, throwing lavish games, and beginning by far his most important legacy: he decided that to keep up with the rest of the galaxy, Aurea needed to end its isolationism and industrialize along the Ishga model. He decided that Aurea's largest city, Nicopolis, would be a good place to test industrialization, and he hired Ishga scientists, architects, engineers, and developers to transform Nicopolis into a modern city. While Gavicus's popularity would never recover to the heights it was at after his victory over the Arturians, this was enough to keep him from being assassinated (at least for a while).
For the rest of Gavicus's life, Taftus would alternate between his extremely promising military career and a middling-to-poor one as an elected politician, helping Gavicus with some of his later projects such as industrialization but turning out to be too scandal-ridden and debauched to be the protege Gavicus wanted. For all his military talent, Taftus had a reputation for extreme abrasiveness and anger issues, and it seemed every other week there was another rumor going around about Taftus having massive orgies involving female politicians and/or prostitutes. While Gavicus would never fully disown Taftus, he had largely abandoned him as a protege by the end of his reign, assigning him military command of the backwater province of Tiorangi where he didn't have to pay much attention to him. The year before Gavicus died, he made Gorgo Gualtera his Magister Equitum, supreme commander of all cavalry forces in the Aurean Dominate after the previous officeholder died suddenly of a stroke. While Gavicus had no way of knowing this at the time, this decision would eventually result in both his own death and Aurea being pulled into the galaxy's broader confrontation with Tate years later that would result in the bloodiest war in galactic history.
Towards the end of his life, Gavicus befriended Pompeia, a young woman of mixed Aurean and Tangolian heritage who had spent much of her life on the Planet Arturia before returning to Aurea by accident. She rose to superstardom as a gladiator, having trained in magic under King Arturius, utilizing magic in combat in ways that hadn't been seen in millennia. He was both shocked and intrigued by Pomepeia's friendship and past brief romantic involvement with Rukhsana I Shahanzai of the Haxamanian Empire. Gavicus saw great potential in Pompeia and reinstated her Aurean citizenship, even allowing her to serve as his Consigliere after Tiverios was indicted on corruption charges. However, there was some tension between the two, as Pompeia was from Lapum, had witnessed the Lapum Riots as a child, and was critical of Gavicus's failure to address the longstanding discrimination against Tangolians that led to them. Less than a year later, Gavicus was assassinated under mysterious circumstances (it would later be discovered that Gorgo Gualtera arranged his murder and covered it up so well that no one even suspected her until she would eventually reveal her true intentions years later), and Pompeia ascended the throne as the first female Dominus (Domina) in history. Gavicus's body was cremated after his death and his urn was placed in the Mausoleum of the Domini in Astras. Decades of constant conflict with the Haxamanians, both under Gavicus and his predecessor Theodosius IV, as well as civil conflict, multiple Tangolian revolts, the Hoc Nostrum conflict, and the Amorican Wars with Arturia would leave Pompeia with an exhausted Aurean Dominate, bereft of manpower, resources, money, and talent that would be completely unprepared to deal with Tate and his machinations only a few years after Gavicus's death.

The sad fact is that some countries do the most heinous of acts, and those in the West pretend to care so much about "justice" yet turn a blind eye true evil. As long as it is convenient or puts money in our pockets at the end of the day, we could really give a shit. I'm personally pretty sick of it, and if we don't wake up soon, we will find it too late.
Many think they want chaos or the disruption of the natural order, with no understanding about the way the world really works, but little do they know how unprepared they are. This is no conspiracy, just the writing on the wall, but can we escape the fog of our own hubris? We will see.
For me, I will continue to watch and see. Maybe I've even decided to try and do something about it. It just seems so convoluted, and the powers that be have done such a good job.
So I want to do something, but I'm not so vain to believe I can do it myself or without continuing to sharpen my resolve and knowledge. This is the first step, and I'm interested in not only learning more by absorbing what I hope will be intellectually stimulating conversations, but by building a community that feels the same, and is willing to contribute, and one day maybe act.
No terrorists or radicals need to apply. My vision is to steal the good parts of what already exists, and find, identify, and destroy the corruption in all of its forms, then rebuilding what has been broken.
Thoughts please. While I will not outright ban shit posting, I would hope to find people more interested in doing something productive, and not trying to pursue a career as low rent comedians.

I’m about to get married to a man but I am gay: Tw sex
For context, I’m 23-24 and Ive been with this person let’s call him Dan for going on 5 years
I’ve always thought I was asexual or had a very low sex drive because I was never very interested in intimacy with a man. Tried it time and time again and it just never worked for me. I love Dan with ALL my heart and he’s one of the most special people in my life. So much so I agreed to marry him.
Though I’ve felt very sexually frustrated and oft times find myself masturbating every chance I can get alone. (This sounds bad but once every second day)
I’m transgender (mtf)
While in school I was very flamboyant and oft times referred to as the gay kid though I wasn’t thinking about anything sexual at the time and really I just took on the identity as a gay man to mask the fact that I wanted to transition.
Well for years I had that identity I started to believe I liked men. Come 6 years into transition and about to get married and I’ve recently discovered I have major sexual feelings towards females in a way I’ve never really felt because I felt as though I couldn’t explore that side of me.
Now I feel locked into this Marrage because I love Dan and I don’t want to leave the life we have created. This has become an impossible situation.
I told Dan about these feelings and we talked it out but we’re both unsure what to do.

23rd: Jane Bright (Nicaragua - 6th)

A deserving, incredible Survivor endgame level character standing next to Jane Bright.
u/SMC0629:
I don't have Jane in my personal endgame, but I'm not mad at all that she made it here. She's probably the most divisive character in Nicaragua, but I personally love her. She's got a spunky attitude, has a great rivalry with Marty, great relationship with Chase, and has one of my favorite eliminations ever. Her boot is so god damn memorable, that lasting moment of the alliance telling her it's gonna be her tonight, with Jane in complete shock and despair is just perfect. One of the best characters of Nicaragua for sure.
~
u/DryBonesKing:
Jane is on a very small list of players who I think has run the entire spectrum in terms of where they land in my rankings. Top ten, top hundred, middle of the pack, bottom hundred, bottom ten… I think I understand pretty much every Jane take known to humanity, cause I’ve had them. Nowadays, I tend to lean more positive on her, but I definitely still have too many issues I’m hyper aware of to let her rank too highly for me.
“What if we have Rupert’s hero edit to someone who was just really really mean, and did the bare minimum to hide it” is genuinely hilarious to me. Jane’s got good energy and her many, many, many feuds (the majority of which being with Marty) make her a great character to guide the narrative. There’s also just her boot episode, which is like… way too good of an episode for Nicaragua. I think I’m neutral-lean positive on Nicaragua, but it’s not a season that does a ton for me, but dear god, Jane’s boot and the scene of her dousing the camp fire is like so fucking metal.
She’s such a raw, powerful person. I think my biggest issue with her right now is just that, in a similar vein to Brandon Hantz, sometimes she feels a little too real at times. Like is she funny when she’s talking shit about Marty? Yes! Is the story great? Yes! But does some of what she says about Marty and his kids feel a bit too much? Yes, very much so. It’s not enough to detract from her character, but again… Brandon Hantz-tier of character. For me, that’s a pretty big compliment, but I also do not keep him in my Top 100. Same with Jane. But despite being one of the names that made Endgame that I disagree with the most, I am very curious and excited to see our resident “Least Sane Jane Bright Enjoyer” spin a tale or two about why she deserves to be up here!
Overall Rank – 138/821
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u/Zanthosus:
While I disagree with her being endgame, I understand the reasoning and defense behind it. I respect the hustle that Tom did to get her here and I’m happy for him that Jane made her first endgame.
~
u/Regnisyak1:
I love that Jane is here, I am not even going to lie. Before my recent rewatch, I had Jane in the 200s, and after my rewatch, I was completely blown away at how complex her character is and the great relationships she had all season. To me, she felt real with her hatred, and the switch between the dry laugh we know her for, to the nasty person she became was endlessly incredible, she was such a great part of Nicaragua and one of the few praises I have for that season. Plus, when she finds out Chase, Holly, and Sash are voting for her, the music change and piano chord that happens there might be the piece media I have ever seen. Congrats Tom for getting her here!
Personal Rank: 73/821. 9/10.
~
u/ninjedi1:
Nicaragua is such a great season due to how emotionally charged it is, and Jane is a big part of that. Jane is the sweet southern lady until she feels crossed, then she has a whole vendetta against anyone who crosses her, so it's a lot of great fun. She is not in my personal endgame, but I can always appreciate a kooky character showing up in it.
~~~~~
u/Tommyroxs45:
Jane Bright:
This is undoubtedly my most anticipated write up of the rankdown, I have such a love for Jane and everything she does for Nicaragua. She has one of the best stories of all time, and just has so many moments that further it and make it cohesive. And that is what I will explain today. Jane is not just some badass southern old lady, ok well she is, but she’s also a very deep, broken old lady trying to put on a facade for herself. Her hatred towards everyone around her has its story and here it is…
The Mask
A lot like Rupert, Jane tries to paint a mask on herself as a hero and somebody who always follows her heart for the greater good. However, throughout the season we see cracks start to arise in this persona she puts on herself. She’s someone who needs a purpose and when somebody gets in the way of that, she gets insecure and bitter and that’s when we see the wrath of Jane break out.
The editors never try to pull the wool over your eyes by painting her as a hero, because they show petty rivalries with her and Marty and her boot episode meltdown. We get to see her from all angles, even if she only wants to present one. She’s insecure about herself, making her feel entitled to be treated as a queen and carried to the end due to her “heroic” manner. Once she realizes it doesn’t work like that and she actually has to play the game, all gloves come off and we get some of the most petty, uncalled for, or even bitchy moments that just have so much raw emotion.
She’s not painted as a hero while being an asshole (*cough* Ozzy *cough*) They show her as her flawed self, but they also let you make your own decision on what to feel without pushing a narrative onto you. Of course she wins Favorite Player at the reunion, so some people still thought she was a hero but you get to see this very broken and entitled person struggling. She really hates everyone but that’s not what she can show because that’s now who she wants to be and it’s such a complicated story arc throughout the season that we see the cracks grow and it’s told so subtlety but perfectly. And this is only the tip of the iceberg with how deep this old southern lady is.
Without this defining feature, she’d just be a badass southern lady but with it she becomes so much more just adding to this brilliant story building up all season until her boot episode. Her masking her real personality just makes her a much more complex character and when we see these glimpses of it, you start to realize, ohhh this is the person I’m supporting.
Even on top of the mask, there is so much more to Jane’s character…
Grief
When you watch Nicaragua for the first time, this part of her character is not inherently obvious. Grief?!? What are you talking about? She just seems like a badass until she’s a bitter old hag for being the target. While, yes that’s a very simplified version of this, there’s so much more to dissect there. The grieving of her husband, greatly plays a role in her story, and although it’s sometimes subtle you can see how it play into it so beautifully well.
In her very first confessional, what do we see Jane say?
“They think I'm some middle aged housewife that tootles around the house all day long, they’re in for a big surprise. Because that is definitely not me. I'm fifty-six years old and I'm the type person that stays busy all the time doing things. I just don't think there's anything I can't do. Winning the million dollars is real important to me ‘cause it’ll help me pay off my farm and the fact that I lost my husband, uh, in '09, it-it-it means I wouldn't have to work as hard as I do. But his spirit, I know is still with me and that's what keeps me going.”
Her husband obviously is impacting her mentally during this season, and we see this throughout the game. Every Time somebody makes a gesture that they want her out, her personal viper just breaks out. This is because she knows this is getting in the way of her dream, and the spirit of her husband that made her want to do this and she’s not letting anybody take that from her.
She’s still grieving and wants to win for her husband, and it is a very sweet story but sadly it takes a dark turn as she starts using this as entitlement for her to win. She believes she’s obligated to be brought to the end because of who she is and the loss of her husband and yeah, it’s dark but damn is it good when you think about it.
This is also why the family visit is SO important to her story in her boot episode. Right when her daughter, Ashley gets there, she starts talking about her husband and how Ashley is the one she is doing this for, to help her. This is WHO SHE IS FIGHTING FOR!
That is why it hits so hard when everyone flips on her! How dare they! She thinks. These people are voting me out right after I fought my hardest to give my daughter a better life?!? She’s one of the only I have left, this is disgusting. It’s so sad but at the same time it’s brilliantly shown not told. And what do you know, when Jane is talking about Sash’s mama raising him, she immediately brings up her daughter, just ugh how perfect does it round back to her family and her grief with loss.
Now obviously, does that make her outrage justified, I don’t know, maybe? Is she still kind of a bitch? probably! Is she a badass? Probably! That leads me to my next point.
Perspective
If you have read a lot of my other writeups on Nicaragua you would have noticed I love to talk about the perspective a lot of these characters receive on the season. Complimenting how diverse they can be seen depending on your morals or values. No character represents this better than Jane Bright.
How do I know this? Well let’s look at her placements in Rankdowns Past:
SRI - 485/501 - Seen as a bitchy, entitled, worse version of NaOnka, and someone who went way too personal in the game.
SRII - 455/537 - Seen as annoying and sour, forced fan favorite edit not giving her the trashing she deserved by the other tribemates.
SRIII - 549/575 - Seen as a narcissist and self-righteous, below the belt remarks and “a human embodiment of a rash” (that made me laugh a bit).
SRIV - 518/615 - Seen as an ultimately fascinating character, who got a dishonest edit that didn’t show her true side until the end. Ultimately ending up as an unlikable “venomous bitch” who somehow won fan favorite.
SRV - 108/653 - Seen as a great T.V personality whose kooky first half and vigorous 2nd half make for a good story and uplifts everyone around her while also being a great character.
SRVI - 127/731 (Had to be idoled to get here though smh) - Seen as a badass challenge competitor who is actually sour, who unfairly attacked Marty and is a bit too much when it comes to her toxic side to make her slightly less good.
SRVII - 185/767 - Seen as an extremely authentic personality and very entertaining to the chaos of Nicaragua, as well as having an iconic rivalry with Marty, being an iconic mother.
See the difference between one half and the other? Yeah, that shows just how well of a character she is edited as. She has so many times where she is shown to be a hero but juxtaposed with so many times she is shown as an asshole and it works off each scene perfectly. This is why we get such a difference of opinion and I think it’s told so well to where most people don’t even see it.
You have to weigh her good and bad and see based on your morals, if she’s a good person or not, and how acceptable or right was she for her constant hatred of others? I really love that as they aren’t trying to make you think a specific feeling about her. You need to come up with that conclusion yourself on how you think she is, that’s why she won the fan favorite vote in 2011 but today many call her an entitled bitch. (And yeah, she is but that’s a lot of what makes her so amazing).
Her kicking ass in challenges and being a lively spirit contrasted to her nasty demeanor to Jill and especially Marty personally attacking them and her boot episode meltdown, contribute to making one of the most wishy-washy characters when it comes to people’s opinions on her. I don’t what to be told how to feel, I want to come up with it on my own, and I feel like a lot of that has been lost in recent years of Survivor and seeing Jane and having all these different perspectives on her personality just adds so much life.
There is a reason why so many people despise her and so many people love her, she’s just edited that well to where people have had to come up with their own feelings about Jane. Not being coerced to feel a certain way, and I feel that is the best way to edit a character. What you see is what you see, not an objective stance the show is trying to put onto you, and I feel all of Nicaragua shows this but Jane is the prime example. Perspective means everything with her.
This makes her one of the most complex characters of all time, she’s either a broken woman seeking admiration, an entitled bitch, or a badass southern lady who is an inspiration. It’s all based on what you value and isn’t that what Survivor is all about, a social experiment where you weigh your values and personalities with each other to build a society.
Speaking of building a society, how is Jane’s relationships with the cast, well let’s see her main stars:
Sash: Jane and Sash’s dynamic isn’t really shown and I think that actually helps her and Sash’s story. Sash is sleazy and doesn’t really make any genuine connections and we see that in her breakdown scene. When you watch the moment she learns she’s going home and the confessional she gives, you see a direct tone shift from how she talks about Chase and how she talks about Sash. When she’s almost crying about Chase and his betrayal, she is outright vile and nasty when talking about Sash. Showing this major lack of connection between them, that she never saw him as a friend and will not hold back from releasing her rage on him.
Chase: Jane and Chase’s connection is one for the books. Both being from North Carolina and being southern types, they instantly bond and feel close to each other. Their relationship just feels more special than anyone else’s that season, that’s what makes the betrayal so much more entertaining. You literally see her about to cry over Chase, they really were close and got to know each other and just to have him stab her in the back, it’s so good. It just felt special but it wasn’t enough for him to not cut her…
Now how could you talk about relationships and not bring up Jane’s defining one…
Fartay:
Come on! This rivalry is one of if not the best rivalry in all of Survivor. They just despise each other and really are either of them in the right? Not at all, that’s what makes it so great. Marty’s a sleazeball, cocky, and a smart ass while Jane’s an entitled, bitter, old lady and they just work so well off each other. You just have personal jab after personal jab that is just so entertaining and perfectly helps tell Jane’s story.
There is really no reason why they should hate each other as much as they do but their walks of life and personalities just clash so hard that you still understand why they hate each other. Jane takes everything Marty does to heart without any grain of salt, and it makes her reactions so visceral and truly legendary. It’s what makes Jane the Jane we love to love or love to hate!
Now, I think it’s time to talk about the pinnacle of Jane. Her magnum opus if you will… her boot episode.
The Wrath of Jane Will Break Out Tonight
This is one of my favorite episodes of Reality TV. Everything about it is perfect and told in such a way to where it’s the perfect ending for such a broken character.
Building her up with her daughter coming during the family visit, talking about her and how much she wants to provide for her. Having a seed planted in Jane’s brain after she’s not taken to the reward thinking she was entitled to be brought.
Fabio winning immunity, throwing everything for a loop, just when Jane’s attitude has really started to shift and then we get to the scene. Which personally is my favorite scene in all of Survivor without a doubt. The scene where the alliance tells her it has changed and she’s going home is so brilliant. The raw awkwardness and silence next to Jane’s utter disbelief and anger. After she flips them off it is followed by again my favorite confessional of all time.
This is what she has been building up to, everything just falls about when she believed she deserved to win. Having such raw and unfiltered emotions where she’s about to break down and cry and then the turn to anger and fury bringing Sash’s mother into it, talking about how she raised a damn liar. (WITH THAT HEAD COCK THOUGH) All with very subtle sound effects or just no music at all until she gets up and makes one last hoorah by pouring water on the fire. “I started and I put it out” 🔥🔥🔥
Then we get to tribal, where Jane is just done with the bullshit and just calls everyone out for being liars and backstabbers. “The writings on the wall Fabio!” Like come on, that is TV gold, followed by the vote having Chase and Sash “cowardly” play their idols sticking it to Jane when she is already at her lowest by not even having her vote count. She leaves bitter and broken, not the happy ending she felt she deserved.
Mortgage Gate
I’m putting this here because that’s where it best fits, and this is brief because it doesn’t really affect my rankings on Jane because it’s not in the season.
I wish they did show this though, as having this added layer of controversy between Sash and Jane with real world implications would have been amazing, even if what Jane is saying isn’t true it still would’ve shown her as an ass, making up lies just to make someone look worse. I just think it’s such an interesting topic to discuss that I wanted to give it its own section. Sash is sleazy so I wouldn’t pass him to do that, however Jane is extremely bitter and entitled so I could also see her making that up, I guess we'll never really know will we… (I know Marty called the incident fake, but it’s Marty, of course he’s gonna dispute whatever Jane says, if she says the sky is blue, he’ll say it’s orange).
I'm Not Breaking My Tile!
This kind of relates to the mask section of this write up. However, I wanted to talk specifically about Jane’s challenge prowess and wins throughout the season and how much it adds to this arc. Building her up as this badass figure competing against big guys half her age and actually winning?!? It gives an excellent face to the real Jane, having this much courage to go against Chase and Fabio even after winning, not only being such a badass in that moment but showing how she’s trying to play up this persona of old challenge great.
Jane, The Tribe Has Spoken
So in conclusion, you can see that when you really glance over Nicaragua you don’t see Jane as some sort of deep character. However, when you really look into her and her actions and motives you see a broken old lady who is obviously grieving. She is such a deep and complex character that Nicaragua needed to really round out the story.
Jane isn’t supposed to be this likable hero, nor is she supposed to be a villain, she’s not edited as one archetype. However you value your morals, is how you will see Jane and even if you find her an ass, you have to admit they tell it very well. She’s also objectively entertaining, her rivalry with Marty, her being badass during challenges, cooking fish in the woods, her boot episode meltdown, and so much more are just so iconic to me and make this season what it is.
This write up obviously won’t sway everybody, but I hope that if you rewatch Nicaragua, take a closer look at Jane and her actions and see how it lines up with somebody like Rupert or Coach who are much more prevalent when it comes to these “entitled, broken, facade” archetypes. You will see a brilliant story of grief, hatred, entitlement, and a fake persona that the show knows she is trying to present.
Personally, Jane will always be one of my favorite characters of all time with amazing scenes and a story almost as complex as Ian’s. She didn’t win this rankdown, but she won my heart and has definitely earned herself a #1 spot on my rankings for this endgame.
SMC0629: 19
DryBonesKing: 21
Zanthosus: 24
Tommyroxs45: 1
Regnisyak1: 20
DavidW1208: 24
ninjedi1: 24
Average Placement: 19.000
Total Points: 133
Standard Deviation: 8.206 (2nd Highest)

Previous Part
I grabbed the back pack Bianca had left in the kitchen and waited in the living room. I had no idea what she was packing for but after this morning I wasn’t going up there to check. I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to ask Tuck yet. I wanted him to tell me he was a werewolf himself, that seemed like pretty important information just on the basis of trust. But I also wanted to know why he was really out by the mine yesterday. His story didn’t add up and there’s no way he knew we would be up there, I think that was just a coincidence. As I was trying to come up with exactly how I wanted to broach the question to Tuck, Frank put a hand on my shoulder. He was wearing his lab coat so I guessed he just came up from the basement. The hairnet he always seemed to wear when he was working was in its usual spot. I suppose he wore it to protect the memory of hair that was once on his head. He looked solemn and a little sick as he turned to me.
“Keep her out of trouble will you? I know we haven’t always been the best to her and I’m sure Stein and I don’t really give her the help she needs. But she’s like the daughter I never had time to have, I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to her.”
“Frank, you probably do more than you know for her. Did she ever talk about her family with you?”
“Very briefly throughout the years, I don’t know if she’s told you much or anything for that matter. It… it certainly wasn’t easy for her growing up and it never got easier.”
“I’ll do my best to keep her out of trouble. If she does end up following me into… whatever this trial ends up being just promise me you’ll have a way to get her out. Some kind of contingency, I can fend for myself but I’ve seen her just shut down before. Like yesterday in the caves someone grabbed her and she lashed out and just… wasn’t herself. She just froze and I don’t want that to happen anywhere near Shaoni.”
“I’ll work on something but I can’t promise that. Like Stein said we’re scientists, we don’t really do field work like that. If I do come up with something you’ll be the first to know. I’m glad she ran into you when she did Keith, she could really use a friend.”
With that Frank walked away, back towards the kitchen and into the basement.
It wasn’t long after that when I heard Bianca coming down the stairs asking if anyone had seen her toothbrush. At which point Rocco appeared in front of me from god knows where holding a suspicious disassembled toothbrush.
“Not. A. Word. Kid.”
Rocco growled at me as he scampered out the door behind me.
“I have a couple that I packed for the trip here from Wisconsin I can just give you one of those.”
I called to Bianca. Partially because I wanted to get a move on and partially because I wanted no part in whatever Rocco was getting up to. If there was one supernatural thing about this town it was that raccoon’s knack for mischief. I get that’s what raccoons are known for but seriously, Rocco was on another level. Bianca reluctantly agreed to take one of the travel tooth brushes I had back at my house. I wasn’t even going to ask why she packed a duffle bag to go a few hundred feet into town and back again.
“Come on we’ll take the bikes again.”
Bianca said as she made her way behind the house.
“I’m telling you they’re going to give me tetanus one of these days but sure. Lets just stop at my place first, I want to drop off this backpack you took yesterday first.”
Bianca was still wearing the ratty jeans she’d taken from me yesterday and at this point I just figured she could have them. I really wasn’t about to get into an argument as to why she should take my pants off and… ugh even saying it is just… no. Those were hers now as far as I was concerned.
We rode over to my house through the crisp autumn afternoon. The trees along the street were finally being to change color, it looked like a scene from a postcard. One of those one’s of the idyllic towns that could’ve come straight out of a hallmark movie. I had to give it to Eagles Peak, it may by turning into a den of vipers for me minute by minute but it sure could be beautiful, in it’s own isolated kind of way.
“Wow its very… small.”
Bianca commented as she stepped into my house and looked around.
“Yeah not everyone has a blank check from two different governments like Stein.”
“I didn’t mean li…”
“It’s ok I know what you meant, its different.”
I said cutting her off before she had the chance to apologize. I dropped off the backpack in my room and rooted around in the one duffle bag I still hadn’t unpacked from my trip here. I found the toothbrush without to much trouble and walked into the living room to give it to Bianca only to find her unpacking on the couch.
“What’s going on here, are you moving in?”
I joked, not expecting the answer I was about to get.
“Yeah, kind of hard to keep an eye on you from my house. I suppose I could from the top floor but if we’re working against Shaoni that doesn’t seem like a great idea. She’s got that whole thing with lighting and I get the sense her being angry at you while your up in the air isn’t a great combination.”
Bianca said, unpacking a blanket like she wasn’t just inserting herself into my house.
“WHAT?”
I shouted, maybe a little too loud.
“Is there a problem?I thought you wanted me looking out for you, this is me, doing that.”
She said looking up at me with puppy dog eyes. You’ve got to understand, those eyes coming from someone like Bianca, glowing or otherwise, well you just can’t say no to that. When it’s Bianca you really can’t say no. She can just take that option away in an instant but again she didn’t for me, it was still my choice.
“I.. sure but you can have my bed. We’ll get everything set up once we get back from the Roost. You did tell Frank and Stein about this right?”
I gave in, deciding to let her stay.
“I’m a big girl, they doin’t need to know everything I do, and… thanks”
“It’s alright, just let me know next time you’re going to pull something like this ok?”
I added, equal parts excited to actually have someone to talk to besides myself in my own home, and worried what Frank and Stein might think was going on here. I put those thoughts out of my head for the moment as we got back on the bikes.
It was about 3 by the time we made it to Tuck’s bar after the delay Bianca had caused by moving herself out before we left. Just as I expected the sign said closed but the door was unlocked. The bar looked exactly the same as the last time I was there. Stone fireplace roaring and pristine wooden floor looking like it had been polished just this morning. Tuck was sitting behind the bar looking worse for wear. The look on his face said he knew we were coming and he wasn’t to thrilled about it.
“Does he know?”
Tuck asked pointedly, looking straight through me and speaking to Bianca.
“About me or you, because the answer is both of us.”
Tuck shook his head at this and a grim look came over him.
“Ya shouldn’t have pulled him into this.”
“Actually I pulled her into it if anything, going out there was my idea. I’ve got a mark like Robert’s, its actually what brought me to town in the first place.”
I said, hoping my honesty would get the same out of Tuck.
“So that bird called ya out here somehow?”
“More or less, but that’s not what I’m here about. I want to know why exactly you followed us out there yesterday.”
Tuck sighed and gestured to the seats at the bar, beckoning Bianca and I to take a seat.
“When Robert chased ya out the other night some of his friends came by. They all got that mark like him, they were sayin’ something about the thunderbird makin’ an appearance back at the old mine. I wanted to see for myself and make sure they were wrong. I found those bikes and ended up followin’ the trail. By the time I got there some guys were poking around that hole in the wall and a storm had kicked up. I saw them cut that rope and figured they weren’t doin’ no good. I… changed and dealt with them then forced my way into the old mine entrance, the rest ya already know cause I ran into ya not long after.”
This story made more sense to me, Tuck never came out there to find me, I just so happened to be out there. Those boulders I thought were moved had been, by Tuck which made me question just how strong he was. Each of those huge things had to weigh tons and there were three strewn about the entrance.
“Ok that makes more sense than what you told me, but what were you hoping to accomplish up there. If you ran into the thunderbird what would you have done?”
“I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t really up there again but the storm seemed to say otherwise. No storm like that just pops up and goes away, the bird had to be involved with that.”
“Actually she was there, just not as some huge bird. She was down in the caves with us but she looked human, native American to be more precise. That’s how I met her when I got marked and now she’s holding some kind of trial out in those mines.”
“You met the thunderbird, its a person? What does she want with this place now.”
Tuck said his demeanor changing into one full of concern. I didn’t know what else to say cause at the moment I didn’t actually know much more than that. It’s infuriating, this being in the dark thing. I just settled for dodging the question.
“Not to change the topic but are we to early to grab a bite to eat?”
I wish I had a camera handy because the face Tuck made at that whiplash change of topics was priceless. I can’t properly do it justice with words. Suffice it to say one of his eyebrows hit the ceiling while the other hit the floor and a violently confused expression plastered his face.
“Sure I guess, what do the two of ya want!”
Tuck exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air and walking back behind the counter. I ended up ordering some fried chicken sandwich with bacon and pickles, and as I took the first bite my risk of heart attack increased ten fold. Bianca ordered the same thing and was pecking at it inquisitively when I asked,
“So what’s the story with Rocco?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean why, why did Frank and Stein make him in the first place?”
I asked through a mouthful of greasy goodness.
“Well I think it started out as a joke, then Stein actually wanted an assistant and that joke became Rocco. They worked on him for a while, pretty much they took a random raccoon off the street and played around in its head. I know there was some gene splicing involved but if you want to know how they did it ask them.”
“So he was supposed to be an assistant in the lab? I think I’ve seen him doing one thing to help them out this whole time and he was poking through a back alley for old batteries.”
“Yeah, he’s not a great assistant, must be good enough though cause they haven’t tossed him out.”
“Are you kidding me! If they tossed him out he be so much worse! Just think, Rocco left to his own devices without any supervision.”
Both of us shuddered at the thought, if he was bad now he’d be a menace to society without the little control we had over him.
Bianca and I ate and eventually Tuck came out and I told him my story about Imalone. He seemed really concerned at the fact that the thunderbird could be walking around town and he wouldn’t know about it. I assured him that Shaoni was really hard to miss if you just looked at the eyes. It wasn’t like she looked any different either, no matter what she was wearing those tattoos would be a dead giveaway. Tuck assured me he was going to keep an eye out and gave me his number to call if I saw her. I don’t want to talk down on Bianca, but something about having a werewolf looking out for me as well was reassuring. Tuck told us a bit about what he was doing with Frank and Stein too. Apparently he contracted his “disease” as he called it long before he came to work in Eagles Peak. He was originally from Louisiana and moved to New York for a change of scenery and ended up getting a job in the mines here around 1940. I should also mention Tuck ages very slowly due to his “disease” so he looks like he’s in his 50’s or so but he was born in 1900. To his credit you’d never know he was anything other than your friendly middle aged bartender.
Bianca and I were getting ready to leave as it came time to open the bar for real. When Tuck offered us a round of drinks on the house.
“No, no that’s alright Tuck, you’ve done enough for us we’ll see you later.”
Bianca politely declined, pulling me towards the door. After I said my goodbyes and we had gotten back to the bikes I asked Bianca,
“Do you not drink? I’m not judging just… when Tuck offered you seemed kind of jumpy.”
“I just never have, I was kind of bouncing around the country when I turned 21 so I just never started.”
“So your telling me you never had your first drink? Well, we have to fix that then.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, its like a right of passage where I’m from. We’ll pick up a six pack or something on the way back but we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”
I said, trying to convince her. I’m not a huge drinker but I am from Wisconsin, alcohol is a way of life out there and we’re know for our beer. In my family turning 21 and having your first drink is cause to bring the whole family together. I couldn’t do that for her but I could at least give her the experience, maybe give her just one more good thing to remember.
Bianca agreed and we pulled into the Save-A-Lot just outside town. The building was painted white bit it was slowly peeling away revealing a concrete grey underneath. The big glowing sign was missing a few letters now simply reading Sav- -Lo. Despite its decaying state it still had the classic beer cave inside. I took a second to look for something from Wisconsin, call me a snob but we do beer right. I settled on a 12 pack of Leinenkugel, that was close enough to home for me. Bianca trailed behind me in the store, a bit like a scared cat looking for a place to hide. Obviously she didn’t get out much and having people she didn’t really know much about was stressing her out somewhat. We got to the checkout and an older cashier eyed my suspiciously.
“Can I see an ID”
She croaked in a hoarse smokey voice. Now I don’t always look my age but I’m 28 there was no reason to try and ID me. That didn’t really bother me so much as the fact that my wallet was still at home. I’ve been spending the cash Bianca gave me back when I watched her house and I just keep that in my pocket. I also have a bad habit of only brining my wallet when I knew I would need it instead of carrying it on me. Regardless I started to sweat a little as I tried to explain the situation.
“You see I would but I left mine at home and I’m not sure if…”
I was cut off by Bianca reaching out and brushing the cashier’s hand Then looking her straight in the eye. I knew exactly what she was doing.
“Look we don’t have an ID for you right now can you just take it on faith?”
“I understand sweetie, here why don’t I cover it for you, my treat.”
The cashier said, turning a complete 180 on her previous question. I looked from Bianca to the old woman a few times before Bianca finally shrugged.
“What?”
I wondered if it was that easy for her to change my mind back when she manipulated me into watching the house.
“So she just payed for it?”
I asked Bianca as we walked back to the bikes.
“That was her, not that I couldn’t make her do that. As far as I can work out, if I suggest something people tend to do it. Over the years I learned how to control that to the point where I’m only able to do it when I want to. Frank said it has something to do with pheromones in my breath or something like that.”
Bianca explained, hoping onto her bike and keeping pace with me back towards my house. I didn’t ask for an explanation but she gave it. I’m not really sure pheromones were something that could have that profound of an effect on someone but I’d just add it to the list of questions I’d have to ask Frank or Stein at some point.
“Still it was a bit weird seeing it from the outside. Was I that easy to convince before?”
Bianca got a mischievous look in her eye.
“Oh, you were so much easier, I barley needed to try. Just flip my hair and flutter my eyes a few times and that was that.”
She said, smiling devilishly at me. I blushed a little bit, partly because that’s probably all it would’ve taken from someone who looked like her and partly because I was embarrassed that she might not just be poking fun at me.
“No you definitely did something to me, I lost like 6 hours in your kitchen! That was you right…right?!”
I asked a little nervous. Bianca just laughed and pedaled off ahead of me. She did not put my mind at ease with any sort of answer but she did beat me back to the house.
When I got in She was sitting on the couch sorting through a pile of movies she pulled out of her duffle bag. She really had just thrown the entire contents of her room into a bag and brought them over. Bianca seemed to settle on a movie before she realized I’d walked in.
“So you like horror?”
I said, gesturing to the same movies I’d seen lying out earlier when I watched her house.
“Yeah, I just like seeing how people think all these things act. Like Tuck, werewolves are always looked at as these big imposing things in movies but he’s a puppy in comparison.”
“The guy looks like he could tear me apart down the middle with his bare hands buuuut, I see your point.”
Thinking back to every interaction I’d had with the guy so far, he never really was as scary as he looked. I sat down on the couch, dropping the case of beer on the coffee table.
“So, have you picked out a movie yet?”
To which Bianca closed her eyes and poked at a random movie in the pile. “Dog Soldiers”, it was called, actually I think I’ve heard of that movie before. One of those its so bad its entertaining things. I popped the movie into my DVD player and sat back, handing Bianca a beer.
“ Is this how normal people feel?”
She asked as the movie started.
“Depends on what you mean by normal, even then I’m not sure that’s the question I’d be asking. Maybe you just finally have a chance to relax after years of never being able to.”
“Oh sure, I’ll just relax now that I know we have the actual thunderbird looking to force you into some kind of trial.”
Bianca joked sarcastically before suddenly softening and taking a sip of her beer.
“Uggg that’s bitter… but not bad. Maybe your onto something Kieth.”
I don’t remember much from the movie. One scene stuck with me, a guy trying to fist fight a werewolf. It was already campy but the effects on the werewolf were just dated enough to make it that much funnier. Bianca and I couldn’t help but to Imagine Tuck as the werewolf, bewildered as to why this scrawny thing thought it could fight him. At some point the beer ran out, Bianca and I making it through the whole case. I remember getting up to go to my own room and Bianca pulling me back. What I didn’t remember though was letting Shaoni into my house. I was woken up by a tap on my shoulder, coming face to face with her. Shaoni’s hand was on one shoulder and Bianca’s head was on the other. At some point we both feel asleep on the couch together, the TV was still on, illuminating the dark room.
“Well well, I wasn’t expecting you to have guests Keith.”
Shaoni mocked, clicking her tongue at me as she finished. She wore the same white night dress I’d seen her in before. Something in the house was open, a window, a door? I didn’t know but the smells of an autumn rainstorm blew into the house, a storm no doubt caused by Shaoni.
“I… its not what it looks like.”
I stammered out, embarrassed to be caught like this.
“I don’t care what you get up to in your free time Keith. I just came to tell you I’ll expect you at the mine tomorrow, The trials will be starting soon and I want everyone who will be participating to meet each other, you will be participating, won’t you Keith?”
She asked like it was a question but it really wasn’t, wether I liked it or not I was going to be there, I could come willingly or kicking and screaming. She was simply asking which I wanted it to be.
“When do you want me there?”
“Oh don’t worry about that, I’ll send someone to collect you around noon.”
With that she turned to walk away, but I wasn’t done with her yet.
“Wait! What exactly are these trials, what am I going to be doing out there?”
“That would spoil the surprise Keith, be patient, you’ll know in time. That pretty little thing there, her name wouldn’t happen to be Bianca, would it?”
Shaoni asked, pointing at Bianca who was still asleep on my shoulder.
“How did you know that?”
I shot back, immediately jumping to Bianca’s defense. I hadn’t known her all that long true, but I didn’t want her any closer to this than she had to be.
“Oh no reason.”
Shaoni said with a snicker that sounded more like a hiss. With that she disappeared, and I mean she was just gone. One minute she was there the next there was a gust of wind and a brief flash of light and she was gone. The disruption was enough to wake Bianca up finally.
“Ugh, head..still…spinning.”
“Heh, I think you overdid it a bit last night.”
“Ugh maybe.”
She said, holding her head that still rested on my shoulder.
“What’s going on anyway, why’d you wake me up.”
“It’s just… well things are moving a bit faster than I hoped.”
I said, trying to reassure her that it was nothing, most likely failing miserably but she didn’t seem to notice. There was a second there that I thought maybe things could just be normal. This whole thing would just blow over and Shaoni would never come back and get me for these “trials” but I always knew it was wishful thinking. Now Bianca was a part of it to somehow, that had made up my mind. She’d been through enough, now Shaoni seemed interested in her all of a sudden. If putting myself through these trials kept her away from Bianca that’s exactly what I’d do.

Reaching out to PhD, post-doc, post-grad students/alumni
Hello everyone I am currently working as a Data Scientist in the field of Medical Imaging, and now I am again in a dilemma about whether I should apply for a PhD or go for 2nd Master's.
Allow me to set some context :
I finished my Master's on a high, and wanted to get into the field of research (specifically innovative research). There was clarity in my mind about the fact that before going proper research positions, I needed to improve my profile further and also needed to get some industrial experience to see what problems are trying to be solved and to see what goes into meeting current global standards. My original plan was to do this and later seek out PhD positions. But, after speaking with multiple people (family and colleagues) who had either finished their PhD or dropped or thought about it decided not to go, I decided that it'd be wise for me to actually get to know the place, the people and the professors whom I would be working with. There is a particular aspect within AI that I want to do research in and was able to identify a professor in Ratsch lab(at ETHZ) whose interests very much align with mine. However, I feel like there still a few things in Deep Learning that I have not studied academically, such as Real Analysis, which is foundational to DL, so I was still leaning towards doing a Master's and gaining that confidence.
I am hesitant again, because I am unsure if I will be accepted into a Master's program at all given my background. My Bachelor's wasn't great AT ALL. It was essentially a general degree that I picked, which had a mix of management, commerce and programming. This is where I discovered that I have no aptitude for the management and commerce world. My thing was computers. I re-evaluated my options in the following year, and that is when I discovered Data Science and AI. It was love at first sight and I didn't care about the job prospects or anything, I just went for it. My Master's was again a general Master's but it was great, I finished with a CGPA of 9.38/10 and topped my batch along with getting to work on some NLP (DL) projects under a professor there. Since then, I have been listed as an inventor for a patent, had a poster published in ECR and will have another published in RSNA soon. Also working on solving a novel problem at my company.
I intended on applying for a Masters in Data Science in 2024 end, but based on what I have read in many places, ETHZ and most European universities don't seem to give a lot of weightage to most of the good stuff on my CV, making me feel a little dejected. I am preparing for GRE at the moment in an attempt to bolster my profile and I think I have a genuine and concrete Motivation letter.
Should I just write to the professor and try for PhD instead? Or does a Master's still make sense? Are there any other options? Should I look forward options outside Europe? I have looked at University of Amsterdam which seems relatively promising. I am looking for a multi-disciplinary approach to AI, so a philosophical understanding along with strong technical details when it comes to mathematics.
my_qualifications: BCA (62.67 %) from Pune University - But excellent scores in lab courses and mathematics. MCA (9.38 cgpa) from Pune University - Top of my batch 2 years Work Exp as a Data Scientist
Any insights would be appreciated <3

For the sake of this story we’ll call my best friends Marcus and Daniel. So I met Marcus in High School but we never really talked (as I didn’t have much friends back then) but we really started getting closer after graduation because we realized in the last few weeks before the end of high school that we had a lot of commun interests. And since we went to the same college, we became best friends really fast. He was already in a relationship at the time we met (with someone we’ll call Emily) but she never seemed to be bothered by me, and was actually glad that Marcus had stayed in contact with me. Last year Emily left Marcus for someone else and so they broke up, however he only recently told me that Emily was actually kinda bothered by the fact that I was friends with her boyfriend and that we would hangout sometimes. I was shocked by this new information and I felt guilty as well because I was afraid that she thought that I wanted Marcus, which is not the case at all, he is like a brother to me, truly, and I never had a lot of friends so the friendships that I do have, I cherish. Since it had been over a year since they had broken up, I decided to not think too much of it, so our relationship didn’t change. However he recently started talking to someone new, and I was glad, because he suffered a lot from his break up with Emily, but this new girl (that we’ll call Emma) also expressed some strong jealousy towards me and asked him to stop talking to me, which Marcus refused to do and he decided to end things with her then. This time I didn’t care as much but I still felt weird like he was giving up a potential relationship for me, which I really appreciate but I also feel like I’m a burden because I want him to be happy most of all.
Now Daniel and I are part of the same program in college that lasts 2 years, but we only started getting really close in the last few months and he really became one of my good friends. He currently has a girlfriend which I dont know personally but from what he told me they’ve known each other for years. It seems like his girlfriend didn’t know anything about my existence or our friendship up until recently, because the other day he told me that she saw that we sent each other tiktoks and she got mad at him for it and demanded that he stopped being friends with me. And it has happened multiple times since. This situation is making me very uncomfortable because I dont want to be the source of conflict in somebody else’s relationship, but he told me he would not stop talking to me for her, that also made me uncomfortable because quite frankly I would understand if he did, I understand why his girlfriend is so worked up about our friendship and I dont resent her for it. Plus, they have known each other for ages, and I barely know him really. I really appreciate him and value our friendship and it would really hurt me if it ended, but it really stresses me that they fight because of me. Also I feel guilty, and like a ‘pick me girl’ as some would say.
So please tell me what you think of this situation, should end our friendship, should I simply keep my distances for a while ? How can I handle the situation ?

I thought it might be useful to lay out some of the more credible sounding comments and discussion I've seen around "the end" of Giuseppe's career and his disappearance. Nothing here is "officially verified", but I think there's a fair bit of truth in a lot of the information here, and might help point anyone who's interested in the right direction to a better understanding of his story. I've included the ones that make more sense to me/ reflect my own knowledge of the situation.
Giuseppe was living around Canandaigua, NY towards the end, staying with Mary's parents in her childhood home for a period, after they both had left Austin for unknown reasons. I would imagine the reasons would have likely been mental health and/ or money related for both of them (he was approximately 36 years old, at this point). Mary was still shipping movies out for a while around this time - the last order I placed on the website myself was November of 2014 and ended up emailing back a couple weeks later, because she had never sent me any information about receiving the order / shipping it out, in contrast to all earlier orders I had placed. She replied pretty quick though, and told me she had shipped it out earlier - it arrived about a week after. The return address was her parent's place in upper state NY.
Giuseppe's output got increasingly erratic and bizarre over the next couple years, and I wasn't really sure if half the items he was selling there were even real... they would have completely nonsensical descriptions, often like a free association / shitty "beat poetry" kind of thing, usually in all caps, featuring lots of bizarre and offensive language (racial slurs, AIDS references, etc), and the products listed were often things like a "3 minute DVD" for 20 dollars, so I was pretty skeptical / really didn't have much interest. He'd announce a ridiculous amount of new material, I'm talking like 5 new movies and 5 albums every week... The last order I made was for a few of the Austin films and I really didn't enjoy them, and more or less lost interest in any future projects at this point. I would still check periodically just to see what he was posting to the site, just out of curiosity / because a lot of it was really out there. He used to have audio samples for his "albums", and he almost exclusively was posting CDs of him ranting (with a ton of very weird throat clearing and coughing, it almost seemed like a Tourettes thing). His site went down somewhere between March 23, 2017 and July 3, 2017 according to Internet Archive. I can't remember exactly when he stopped adding new items, but it was probably sometime in early 2017.
He was clearly living in and around Canandaigua for a while, for at least 2-3 years, maybe even longer...
February 2017 - a twitter account called "HELP GIUSEPPE" was created and made three posts:

@ thecampaignbook Shia, G.A just came into my local bar needing help. he was stressin bad. hes in canandaigua NY and just stormed out of here
@ AdamRifkin G.A just stormed into my local bar, made it half way through the set up of this account and stormed out. needing you it seems.
@ EdwardNorton Giuseppe Andrews just came into my local bar very alarmed/needing a friend and help.

July 5, 2020 - a YouTube video entitled "What Happened to Giuseppe Andrews? A Short Investigation" is posted, some of the comments that were posted include:

(approx: 2021) I live in a small town called Carlin.. it’s literally 24 miles from Elko Nevada.. back in may of 2019 I was working at a small casino.. Giuseppe would often frequent the casino.. I worked the graveyard shift so it was mostly quiet.. he was polite and even remembered my name and would always ask me how I was.. I was able to get him to take a selfie with him and he even drew some artwork for me.. he told me that I could sell the artwork if I wanted to and fetch a decent price for it.. my husband and I were in the process of buying our first house and I told him no I would frame it and it would be proudly displayed.. he almost started tearing up..I’d happily upload the photo if YouTube would let me..
The same commenter also mentioned, responding to a comment about Detroit Rock City: yeah that was a good movie.. it’s really sad how his life played out.. he told me some sad tales of what he went through

> In early 2018 a man rang my doorbell in Canandaigua, NY. He was disheveled and seemed out of it***. He started yelling at me “I am Giuseppe Andrews, a Hollywood actor. I need you to call the police. “ I was startled and a little afraid but I told him to wait outside and I went in and called 911. He waited on my lawn and the police arrived in about 5 minutes. He spoke to the police in the car and then walked away. I don’t really live within walking distance of anywhere so not sure where he was going. I tried to obtain info from the police about what was going on but was not told anything. Has remained a mystery all these years later and I think people ( other than my neighbors who witnessed it) don’t believe me when I tell the story. Strange but 100% true.***
Some other interesting comments from various accounts, talking about the last stuff he was posting publicly:
> On his YouTube before he start d doing 13 albums in 2 weeks, his gf released a video a bunch of videos that was 4 or 5 hours long of him ranting on a couch with a guy. I think she was documenting it. I wish I would of downloaded it.
> And the next day it was all gone the footage, I have signed copys of DVDs and posters and shit he sent me in the mail.

(A reply from another commenter) - I remember he went on a long rant about various people in Hollywood and whatnot. Someone mentioned him having schizophrenia/paranoia, and while I'm in no way a psychologist or medical professional, it did seem like things were getting progressively more bizarre and unhinged. Given how creative and abstract he was when he initially started with his film making and music, I think it masked what was actually going on ( whether it was drug use, the onset of some sort of mental illness, or a mix of the two ). Earlier on he was still eccentric but seemed more lucid and driven with what he was doing.

> From what I've gathered (also a fan from DRC and Cabin Fever) his mother committed him to an institution and when released, he went to live with his mother. The twitter chick claims to be his fiancé now and he's no longer with Mary. But who knows.

It would turn out that Andrews also suffers from some very severe issues. Having chatted with his mother Giuseppegirl informed me that he has recently been placed in a mental health facility and has begun a 6 month stint in there where he has no access to the internet or anyone other than family members. He had a break up with his wife Mary Beth, who appears in a lot of his films, so it's possible that this is what put him over the edge. I've talked with Adam Rifkin who says he has some of Giuseppe's rarer films, but hasn't talked with the man for a few years now. That's as far as I have gotten in the rabbit hole.

A bigger YouTube channel made a video about Giuseppe's disappearance, titled "What Happened to Giuseppe Andrews? Internet Mysteries", posted Nov. 11, 2021:
(this commenter is different from account who made the earlier comment about ringing the doorbell in NY):

This dude showed up at my parents house 3 years ago in the middle of the night, asking for help and saying he needed to be let in. Absolutely no way was that happening. Long story short we found out after the fact that he was a character in Detroit Rock City & American History X some of my favorite movies
The last video of him I saw was a crazed rant of him yelling about censorship of art. He was real angry and cursing in a vlog style video. I think some people were criticizing him for use of racist language in his films I’m not exactly sure but I saw snippets of his rant and then the video was taken down a month later along with everything else.

1 year ago:
> He currently lives in Elko Nevada after having a schizophrenic break he still lives with his loving mother part time and she takes care of him. I see him around town a lot and only recently found out that he is Giuseppe Andrews. I can answer most questions if you’re curious.
There was also an interesting thread about 4 years ago, on a different subreddit:
https://www.reddit.com/RedLetterMedia/comments/gal55x/giuseppe_andrews/
A few of the more interesting remarks:

After his California days he spent a few years around Austin making films that mostly just starred himself and his wife Mary. Some of these are really good but his minimalism and experimentation are pushed to the limits here. Some are absolute garbage. After this there was a short stint in upstate New York with this same kind of limited style. Shortly into this cycle things for weird then he disappeared. Right before he disappeared he was posting a lot of troublesome content and releasing TONS of music and films with nonsensical names like "fffff" which would be followed up with "fffffffff". I haven't seen any of this stuff.

> I remember the New York era where things kinda went off the deep end. He released a lot of content where he talked a lot. There was quite a few where he would mention that he was desperately trying to reach out to John Frusciante
Has anyone else stumbled across any comments out there, that support this general narrative / add additional context, or perhaps give reason to believe something a bit different? In particular, towards the end with his site and the long drawn out "spoken word albums" / posts he would make? I listened to some of the audio samples when they were on the site years ago and some of it was unbelievably weird, like he was in a totally dissociated state, talking to people who weren't actually there. There were a couple specific celebrities he was "talking to" quite often, John Frusciante was one for sure, and another guitar player from a relatively small band I can't remember now (I looked them up at the time and thought it was particularly weird, as they were like a small time college rock band who had broken up years prior).
One thing I do remember quite distinctly was I was quite surprised when a shot of Giuseppe on a playground with a man and woman in upper state NY was posted to Instagram, a short while after his website went down. If I remember correctly, they were musicians and the caption said something to the effect that he was helping them film a video. At this point I thought he was more or less completely out of it based on what he'd been posting to his website, so I was really surprised that he had connected with some strangers to actually do something like that, but I don't believe there was ever any follow up posts. I haven't been able to find that post since, if anyone ever remembers seeing that, and who the couple were that would be unbelievably helpful to me!
From the bits and pieces that have come out, I feel like I can stitch together a bit of an understanding of how things might have gone down over the last decade, but a lot is still very speculative to an extent. I'm really curious if anyone out there can corroborate some of these stories in any way, or add any additional information!

Previous part
I stood in my doorway, frozen to the spot as Shaoni walked past me, into my house.
“Weren’t you going to invite me in?”
Shaoni cooed at me, somehow making the arbitrary question sound like a threat.
“I uh… what can I get you.”
I stammered out, automatically reverting to subservient. I know it sounds bad but when you’ve seen what I’ve seen her do you listen first, ask questions later.
“Is water alright? It’s all I’ve got since I only just moved here because… well I guess you know why already.”
I said, wanting to keep the orange juice I was currently hiding behind me in the fridge for myself.
“The visions? Yes I do know about them. It’s what drew all of you here, just like I wanted. Though you weren’t supposed to see the stage yet, none of you were.”
She said, narrowing her eyes at me, presumably because of my earlier expedition into the mine.
“Why do you keep saying “you” like there’s more than one of me?”
I asked, finally working up the confidence to question her.
“Because there is, do you really think you’re the only one I marked? Keith your a special case yes, but not that special.”
“Special case? What do you..”
“If you let me finish I’m getting to that.”
Shaoni cracked back at me, I could feel the pressure in the room rise with her temper.
“Sorry ma’am… it just slipped out.”
She seemed to find my knee-jerk formal apology amusing and the pressure in the room returned to normal.
“I offered several people the same deal I offered you, most accepted. These are the others I refer to, all of which are here or on their way here now. That’s what the dreams, visions, whatever you’d like to call them, were for.”
“So you wanted us here, all together in this one specific town, why?”
“The trials of course, if you remember you agreed to take a burden from me. I guess I would describe it more accurately as a gift but it has become a burden for me.”
“What is it?”
“Now where’s the fun in telling you now? Besides your smart enough, I’m sure you’ll figure it out on your own.”
She answered, smiling devilishly at me and sending little pin pricks of ice down my spine. I let the conversation fall silent for a bit, watching Shaoni sip absentmindedly at the glass of water I’d given her before I asked another question.
“So what exactly are these trials for?”
“I want to use them as a selection process, it separates the wheat from the chaff as the saying goes. Only one of you will take on my burden and I want to make sure its the right one.”
“Ok, that makes sense but I’ve still got one more thing. Why did you say I was special before?”
I inquired, as Shaoni got up and started to leave.
“Well, because this is all new to you, you have no idea of the forces really at play in the world, the “supernatural” is what you’d call it. You’re at a particular disadvantage because you didn’t know what you were getting into so I figured I’d help out of the kindness of my heart. In addition to that, many of those I’ve chosen came from my own followers. You are one of the few I found on my travels that accepted my deal. I believe in keeping things fair, and so I came to warn you of what’s to come.”
Shaoni told me as she walked out the door without so much as a goodbye. The storm that had been brewing outside left with her, dropping bits of cracked branches and loose leaves to the ground as she got further and further away. I finally realized I was still standing at my front door, glued in place watching her. Once I closed and locked the door I heard a shrill screech pierce the night as Shaoni shed her human appearance and took to the skies as I saw a single shiny grey feather flutter to the ground.
I didn’t get much sleep that night, I didn’t even try. After something like Shaoni waltzing into my home like she owned the place and telling me I’m about to be part of some kind of “trials”, I just gave up on sleep that night. What I was worried about more than anything was the fact that I didn’t have a choice. Sure, she had never said that out right but if she showed up to tell me the trials were starting and I said no, that wouldn’t go well. I’d probably end up like those men in Imalone, just ashes on the wind. There was something she wasn’t saying as well. Shaoni wanted to flaunt that there was some sort of reward at the end of this, that the whole process would help her select a “worthy candidate”. But the reward was also the burden I had agreed to take. If whatever it was was something she wanted to get rid of why would anyone look at it as a reward? Something just wasn’t adding up in my head so I decided not to think about it for a bit. I instead I threw on some clothes as the sun finally rose and made my way over to Bianca’s house to pick up my backpack that she still had.
“Hey there Frank. Where’s Stein I wanted to ask how that research was coming, and has anyone seen Bianca?”
I said as soon as I’d walked in the front door. Rocco was eating something out of a bowl on the counter top and shot to attention as he saw me.
“What do you just live here now?”
He remarked, whirling around to face me. Frank looked up from the paper he’d been reading at the counter and gave me a half hearted wave.
“Stein’s in the basement testing a few samples of thunderbird feathers Tuck brought in.”
“You know Tuck? The mountain that just so happens to run a bar in town, that Tuck?”
“Yes of course, he’s helped us immensely with developing a suppressant for lycanthropy.”
“I… we’ll unpack that one later I guess but I’ve got too find Bianca first, she still has something of mine. Let Stein know I’m looking for him if he comes back up.”
I told Frank as he nodded in acknowledgment and I made my way over to the stairs leading up to the second floor.
“Oh god dammit, I just got that!”
I yelled to no-one in particular as I knocked on Bianca’s bedroom door. I heard a crash behind it as Bianca came flying towards me, throwing open the door and almost smacking me in the process.
“What the hell is going on why are you here! And what did you just get?!”
She belted out at me, apparently startled by my outburst. She had a long loose t-shirt on and maybe something on underneath that, I wasn’t going to check. I must’ve turned crab red as I saw her but it didn’t stop me from telling her what I just pieced together.
“Their names, Frank and Stein, Frankenstein. They did that on purpose didn’t they? I can’t believe I didn’t pick up on that sooner!”
“What are you… oooh, OOOH! I’ve been around them how many years and I’m just picking up on that too.”
She said, sounding a little disappointed and smacking herself in the head with the palm of her hand.
“So what’re you doing here anyways Keith?”
“You still have my backpack from yesterday and I could use that back.”
“Oh sure I forgot about that, come in.”
She said holding open the door for me and causing her shirt to hike up a bit, She did not in fact have anything other than what you’d expect on under it.
“Ummm… do you maybe want to get dressed first?”
Bianca turned redder than I’d ever seen anyone get in an instant. Her eyes Immediately started glowing and she slammed the door shut, apparently just realizing she had answered the door in nothing but a T-shirt and underwear. I heard of muffled groan of embarrassment from the other side of the door and decided to leave her to it.
When I came back downstairs into the living room Frank and Stein where waiting for me on the couch. It was a sight to see, two old scientists sitting in the middle of a lavish black leather couch that wrapped the outer edge of the room. The two looked out of place, like a time traveler trying desperately to look normal in a society they knew nothing about.
“Before you guys start I’ve got to know, did you do that intentionally?”
“Did we do what, what are you talking about?”
They both asked in unison.
“The names, Frank and Stein, did you do that on purpose?”
Frank smiled at this and looked toward Stein who seemed to be fuming.
“It’s been 60 years since I’ve heard that question and no, its purely coincidental. We just so happen to share similar names with this Frankenstein”
Stein replied, actually shaking with anger. Frank on the other hand, seemed to be thoroughly enjoying himself. In light of this I decided to push my luck just a little further.
“Ok, but I’m still going to call Rocco Frankenstein’s monster from now on, I can’t just pass up that opportunity.”
Frank laughed at this and Stein shook his head in disappointment.
“Children, both you.”
“Oh come now Stein, even you have to admit its a little humorous.”
“I will not be compared to some fantasy doctor and their failed facsimile of life! Rocco is a proper experiment with guidelines and uses that monster from the story is just a harebrained pet project!”
Stein fumed, seemingly offended at the concept of being compared to doctor Frankenstein. After a short tirade, none of which I really want to repeat here, we got Stein calmed down. Then the two got me seated and asked a question I wasn’t expecting.
“Do you know why we decided to settle down in this town in the first place?”
The question took me by surprise, I had assumed they just ended up here for no particular reason. Like a tumble weed being blown across the desert. They were here now caught on a fence or something but I always got the sense the wind would blow them along to somewhere else eventually. I hadn’t given much thought as to why they would be here at all. My vacant stare must’ve clued them into the fact that I had no idea how to answer the question.
“Let me rephrase, do you have any idea why things like Bianca or Tuck or even us seem to be concentrated here?”
Stein asked again, a calm tone to his voice like he was explaining something to a child.
“Tuck? What does Tuck have to do with this? I get you two are supernatural researchers and Bianca is a succubus but Tuck is just a really, really string guy right?”
I shakily asked, slowly drawing a connection to what Frank said about Tuck and lycanthropy when I came in.
“Tuck is a werewolf, a repentant one but a werewolf nonetheless.”
“That… actually would check out, It would definitely explain why the guy is built like the Rock’s bigger cousin. But what exactly are you getting at?”
“This town Keith, There’s a reason it attracts people like us and the Thunderbird is a big part of that. It had been sleeping in the mines as far as Frank was able to tell, once it woke up it caused the collapse and it made a huge stir. Obviously reports came out about this massive thing coming out of the ground and talking flight but you’ll never find any of them. The government stepped in to help Eagles peak cover up its existence, if people knew about the Thunderbird there would be uproars and questions as to what else was out there, questions no-one really would’ve had answers too. Instead they buried it and tried to bury most records of this town, turning it into a haven for the supernatural, especially those who would rather be left alone.”
Stein’s lecture made sense, if the town was basically wiped off the map as far as recent information goes it would explain its small size. I really hadn’t seen anyone in town besides those people getting off the bus the day I met Tuck and a few employees at local stores I went to. But not all of them could’ve been supernatural beings right?
“So are you trying to say everyone in town is some kind of what… supernatural entity?”
“Nothing as grand as that but there’s certainly more supernatural beings than usual concentrated in this town. Even some of the normal people have ties to the supernatural here. It’s a place were people who know about these things can pass through without to much scrutiny. What’s more interesting though is the other Thunderbird sightings we were able to dig up. Almost all of them lead to a town like this, taken off the usual map with a barley visible digital presence. Tiny little nowhere places that aren’t known for much and never show up on the news. The Thunderbird seems to be making these sanctuary’s for the supernatural throughout the world. It doesn’t seem to monitor these places afterwards but they certainly never recover from the coverups after the Thunderbird makes an appearance.”
Stein continued to lecture, speaking just as much with his hands as he did with his words.
“Has she ever come back to any of these sanctuaries she’s created.”
“She!? You don’t mean the woman you saw in Imalone? I had chalked her up to a stress induced hallucination.”
I had to briefly explain to Stein that I had not in fact hallucinated the naked woman that ultimately turned out to be Shaoni, to his displeasure.
“So you saw this woman then?”
“Yeah, in the cave attached to what I’d have to guess were the mines. She even showed up at my house last night.”
“It… she, talked to you?”
“She said that there was going to be some sort of trials to see who takes on this burden of her’s. The whole thing was really unclear if I’m honest.”
“So she’s coming back then, not only that but she’s in the town or the forest right now. I don’t get to say this often but I really don’t know what’s going to happen with this Keith. Frank and I will keep an eye on what we can but we’re researchers, if she decides to pull you into these trials we won’t be much help.”
Stein said, growing concerning on his face. I don’t think seeing Stein in this state did anything to assure me. This is someone who worked on the wrong side of world war 2 and he seemed scared by the thought of what Shaoni might be up to. It was at least nice to know someone would be monitoring the situation when I got myself killed.
“I could go with him.”
An unexpected voice cut through the silence of the room, Bianca’s voice. She had wandered down from her room wearing a black leather jacket paired with a tight red shirt and ratty jeans, my ratty jeans I noticed. She had the backpack she owed me in one hand and her eyes locked on us.
“What?”
We all said, in shock of what Bianca had just offered.
“I could go, watch your back and see what’s going on with these trials. I’m familiar enough with the supernatural, not as much as Frank or Stein but I could help.”
She said with raw unfiltered confidence that was unusual for her.
“I couldn’t ask you to do that, I told you the story, you know what Shaoni is capable of.”
I bargained, hoping to keep her out of the line of fire for some reason. I knew it would probably be smarter to bring her with me if I did get forced into these trials but some protective instinct kicked in. I’d seen her barley able to keep herself together just talking about her past and shut down when someone grabbed her. I didn’t want to see her get hurt trying to look out for me. Her past obviously still effected her in a big way. Another part of me wanted to bring her with me just to see her fight against the power her past still held over her. When we were on the way to that mine yesterday she finally seemed alive. Bianca wasn’t just this this scared person living in a gilded cage with two people who took her in like a kicked puppy. Yesterday she was her own person again, if only for a little bit.
“Look I can’t stay here doing nothing forever, besides you helped me out watching the house way back when you first got into town. You didn’t hold the fact I manipulated you into it against me and you never really cared about what I was. I at least owe you this Keith, please.”
Bianca begged, I didn’t feel like she was trying to pul me one way or another this time, the choice was my own. I could also tell it was hard for her to give me a choice, her nature was to just use her power and make me agree with her. That single fact meant more to me than whatever fight was going on in my head, I nodded to tell her I agreed.
Frank and Stein weren’t particularly thrilled with the idea of Bianca watching out for me. They were worried it put her in too much danger. Despite the situation surrounding those three I could tell Frank and Stein really did care for her, or at the very least worried about her. She may not realize it but she was like a daughter to them, anyone could see that, anyone but her apparently. Or maybe she had closed herself off from the world so much to try and survive on her own that she just couldn’t bring herself to realize it anymore. I think that’s the more likely option but it begged the question. Why exactly does she keep going out of her way for me?
Bianca managed to convince them to let her keep an eye on me. Thanks in no small part to the fact that she claimed living anywhere near Rocco for prolonged periods of time was hazardous to her health. At which point almost as if on cue, Rocco shot out of a wall. Not off of it or out from around, no straight out of the wall sending plaster flying like shrapnel. Right after this we smelled the beginnings of an electrical fire. Rocco ran back into the room and jumped back through the hole in the wall with a fire extinguisher. Frank and Stein lost their minds at this point and went to find the proper equipment to deal with that. They agreed with Bianca on the spot after that one. Rocco claimed he was “trying to update the wiring in the house”, whatever that meant but you could never tell with him. Once everything had calmed down I headed over to the kitchen to make lunch for myself. I settled for a bologna and mustard sandwich and sat down to eat. As soon as I took a bite of the sandwich my phone rang with a number I didn’t expect a call from, Mom.
“Hi, what’s going on?”
“Are you ok, You never call, I just got your message.”
My mother Carla said, in that worried but angry tone only mothers can pull off.
“I’m fine mom I just wanted to let you know what was going on with me, I don’t think I ever told you I was moving and I didn’t want you to worry.”
Bianca walked into the kitchen at this point in the conversation and looked at me. I put my finger to my lips and shushed her. She just sat down across from me and took a bite out of MY sandwich.
“You didn’t, I know I don’t see you much and your fine on your own but I still worry. We were never the closest but that doesn’t mean I don’t wan to know If you’re moving halfway across the country on a whim.”
“I know mom, I know. A lot of things happened at once and it was such short notice I just… forgot.”
“I understand… just call me next time alright, and if you ever just want to talk I’m here. Just because we weren’t all that close doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear from you now and then. Anyways I have to get back to work.”
“Oh, ok Just… how’s dad doing?”
I sighed knowing the answer to my question already.
“He’s… he’s the same Keith, Love you.”
And with that Carla hung up.
Bianca eyed me with a mildly stunned look on her face. Like she just realized I was born not raised in a test tube somewhere.
“That was your mom?”
She asked, pointing at the phone in my hand and still eating the sandwich I had made for myself.
“Yes, Oh come on give me that!”
I yelled, reaching for the sandwich in her hand. She laughed and pulled it away, finishing it. She tried to speak with a mouthful of sandwich but I couldn’t make out a thing till she gave herself a minute to chew.
“I haven’t talked to my mom since the whole thing with Brooke. She never approved and that was that, I went my way and she went her’s.”
“What about your dad?”
I asked her, suddenly not as mad about her stealing my food.
“I never really knew him. Apparently he left when I was really young but that’s about all I know.”
“Is there a single question I can ask about you that won’t just leave me feeling sorry I had a moderately normal life before this? Really I just… that’s terrible.”
Bianca looked a little sullen as she thought about her family, her real family. I realized that as strange as this whole relationship with Frank and Stein was it was the closest thing she had to something stable. Hell, I might be the first real friend she’s had outside of the house in years.
“Tell you what, I’m suddenly hungry for some reason so why don’t we head down to the Eagle’s Roost and get something to eat?”
I glared at her just a little bit as I said that first part.
“It’s like 1o’clock now I don’t think Tuck opens up till 5 or so.”
“Well I’ve got a few questions for him now, besides last time I went down there early too and he was just hanging out behind the bar, didn’t seem to mind either. Wait, you know him? He didn’t really look at you when he saved us yesterday, come to think of it he barley mentioned you.”
“Yeah I’ve seen him coming in and out of the house when he helps Stein with his experiments, giving blood and tissue samples to him, that sort of thing. I don’t know why he didn’t say anything to me. Maybe cause he thought Frank and Stein didn’t know I was out there so he just didn’t want to stick his toe in that situation?”
She had to think for a second about that last part, furrowing her brow and shrugging when she couldn’t come up with anything better.
“Could be it, anyways its just one more thing I can ask him. So are you coming with me or what?”
“Yeah sure, just let me pack a few things.”
“Pack a few things? What do you mean it’s just…”
But Bianca was already running up the stairs back towards her room.