Itchy spots on both hands

Baby is home and these knives need gone! This is my final deal on here and I am 100% looking for a yolo or best offer to sell tonight! I appreciate anyone looking, and for all the support I’ve received!
Breaking this out into two bundles, or one big package -- price includes shipping CONUS. Getting it shipped tomorrow if it goes tonight! Accepting PPG&S.
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Bundle #1 – AD 20.5 x 2 + More -- $300 (down from $400)
Bundle #2 – Set of 5 Fixed Blade Knives -- $325 (down from $400)
Both Bundle #1 & #2 -- $550 shipped CONUS;
If both bundles are not sold by 9:00 PM CST, 5/19/2024 – the new effective price will become $500 for both bundles;
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Timestamp and photos here: https://imgur.com/a/xHsY8dh
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Bundle #1 -- $300 (down from $400) -- AD 20.5 x 2 + More Details:
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AD20.5 -- Sheepsfoot Blade in 3V steel -- equipped with limited edition (sold out) Flytanium 'Artifact' multicolored bitrate titanium scales; also sporting a purple Ti stud; with a right-handed Lynch pocket clip in the 'Fade' style, and Flytanium plain titanium backspacer; never carried, perfect condition; centered and flippin' nice.
AD20.5 -- Clip Point Blade in D2 steel -- equipped with limited edition (sold out) Flytanium 'Terra Firma' bitrate titanium scales; carried a few times, but blade shows some dark spots -- very nice condition, centered and flicks nicely;
5x5 Combat Solutions - Prymacy Multi-tool -- great little pry bar that you could use to knock someone out; made of AEB-L steel and 5/32" thick, has a pry-tip, hex driver slot, pocket clip, and bit secured by three o-rings; never carried, might show some light wear;
GITD Resin Bead -- silver / green -- shows silvery & slightly green under normal conditions, when hit with UV light it glows; never used / carried;
Purple titanium bead -- never used / carried;
*Always had those beads pinned for use / equipping with these knives... but, now it's baby time.
Total Spend: $350 (3V+scales) +$130 (D2) +$35+$15+$15 -- $545
*prices for individual items are purchase references, only selling as bundle to fund new baby purchases!
*all items purchased off of the swap some time ago;
*the AD20.5’s also come with original packaging, and original green scales for one knife and black RGT (Ripp's Garage Tech) black scales -- lost other set of original scales;
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Bundle #2 – $325 (down from $400) – Set of 5 Fixed Blade Knives – Details:
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Custom Gavko Fixie $200.00 Excellent condition -- custom made by Gavko -- never used, person before said the same; Nitro V steel w/chisel grind; custom wrapped and custom sheath by Offensive Industries; previous owner said that work cost $100 alone;
PDW x Mummert Ti Knife $150.00 Fully titanium knife with carbidized edge - I never used, person before said they used a few times -- great shape -- comes with kydex sheath & fancy clip!
Spyderco Subway Bowie $130.00 Perrin design with LC200N steel and polymer handle; has a couple of snail trails on the blade, but nothing serious -- very good condition, I never carried -- previous owner stated they lightly carried; comes with kydex sheath, neck chain and box;
Miller Industries SHIV2 Neck Knife $100.00 Basically new, does not come with box -- comes with kydex sheath and super strong bead chain… I swear this thing could be a garrote; rare / discontinued;
CRKT SPEW Fixed Blade w/Custom Sheath $55.00 Comes with custom sheath; lightly used, very good condition; wharncliffe style blade and G10 handle;
Total Spend: $635.00
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***$550 if both bundles purchased together; If both bundles are not sold by 9:00 PM CST, 5/19/2024 – the new effective price will become $475 for both bundles;
*edited for formatting;

EXT. CAMELOT - CASTLE DAY
(The castle of Camelot stands over grassy hills and crystal clear rolling rivers and seas. Gray clouds cover the sky and hundreds of soldiers and knights can be seen riding toward the castle. Text appears on the screen reading “CAMELOT” and then “CENTURIES AGO”.)
INT. CASTLE - THRONE ROOM - DAY
(MORGANA LE FAY (Centuries-Old), a beautiful middle aged appearing woman with sharp features and long flowing black hair, sits on the throne and holds Excalibur, the Crown of Camelot sits upon her head. Knights and soldiers march in linear motions through the hall. DEWIN (30s), a scruffily charming magician, enters in handcuffs, with guards behind him. Dewin marches up and presents himself to Morgana. Everyone in the room halts.)
MORGANA: State your name.
DEWIN: You know my name, Morgana.
MORGANA: State your name.
DEWIN: Dewinson of Merlin.
MORGANA: You are being tried with treason and conspiracy against the crown. Do you plead guilty to these crimes?
DEWIN: That depends.
MORGANA: On what?
DEWIN: Who you consider the crown to be.
(Dewin slips his handcuffs off and as he does three Blue Jays come flying out of his sleeve and begin to fly around the room.)
MORGANA: Enough foolishness. I find you guilty of the accusations placed upon you.
DEWIN: Then kill me.
MORGANA: Hm?
DEWIN: Let’s skip past the chatter and get my head on a platter. You see what I did there? Chatter platter.
MORGANA: Silence! Death is far too good for you.
DEWIN: Do your worst, no matter what Camelot will fall.
MORGANA: Is that a threat?
DEWIN: A threat would be something I plan on doing to you myself, the fall of Camelot, well that will be purely your doing.
(Morgana gets off the throne and draws a glowing circle around Dewin with Excalibur, as she does so Dewin lets out a small laugh.)
DEWIN: Binding me? My imprisonment shall not halter the winds of time.
MORGANA: I banish you.
DEWIN: What?
MORGANA: From this plane of time and place I banish you.
DEWIN: Not even you have the power to do that. Banishment spells have been hidden away for ages.
MORGANA: Hidden away in scrolls buried in this very castle. Dilflannu o’r awyren hon.
DEWIN: No.
MORGANA: Dilflannu o’r amser hwn.
DEWIN: No, no, stop.
MORGANA: Dilflannu o’r meddwl. Rwy’n eich gwahardd!
(Morgana’s eyes turn purple and electricity sparks all around Dewin and seems to be sucking the energy out of him.)
EXT. LONDON - FOREST - DAY
(A plain and put together autumnal forest. Text appears over the screen reading “LONDON” and then “EIGHTEEN EIGHTY FIVE”. Electricity sparks and Dewin appears in the forest dazed and confused. He is covered in scars and almost immediately passes out face forward into the ground.)
EXT. LONDON - FOREST - DAY
(As night begins to dawn Dewin is still incapacitated. A carriage led by a horse named, Sally, comes through the forest and halts at Dewin. ALDEN SMITH (Early 40s), a plump and posh man with a defining bushy mustache, cautiously hops out of the carriage. Alden looks around for a moment before spotting Dewin. Alden approaches Dewin and checks his pulse through his arm. Alden’s eyes linger on Dewin for a moment before looking up.)
ALDEN: Hello!? Is anybody there!?
(Alden waits for a moment before looking back down at Dewin. Alden sighs and then lifts Dewin up and into the carriage before hopping in himself. Alden pulls on the horse’s reins and it begins to march forward.)
EXT. LONDON - WICING DRIVE - NIGHT
(Alden drives his carriage down Wicing Drive and parks in front of a townhome, Twenty Six Wicing Drive. Alden gets out of the carriage, carrying Dewin, and walks up the steps. MINERVA SMITH (Early 40s), a stern yet radiant woman, opens the door in shock.)
ALDEN: It’s a long story.
INT. TWENTY SIX WICING DRIVE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
(A stereotypical Victorian living room made primarily of oak and illuminated by two small oil lamps and a burning fireplace. Dewin is still incapacitated and lies on the table covered in bandages, Alden and Minerva hover over him. Bottles of ointment sit next to Dewin.)
MINERVA: What were you doing in the woods?
ALDEN: It’s the fastest cut home.
MINERVA: And you just-
(Minerva is interrupted by Dewin’s sighing as he wakes up.)
DEWIN: Ah! Where am I? Who are you?
MINERVA: My name is Minnie, and this is my husband, Alden.
DEWIN: What’s happening?
ALDEN: I found you all bruised in the middle of the forest. Do you know what happened to you?
DEWIN: Morgana le Fay banished me.
(Alden and Minerva glance at each other.)
MINERVA: Oh lord, I think you're a bit confused.
DEWIN: I am not confused. I am Dewin, son of Merlin. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to ask if you could take me to a sage or healer?
MINERVA: Of course, Alden can take you tomorrow morning, but for the night you can stay here.
DEWIN: Why, thank you.
ALDEN: Minnie, may I speak to you in the other room?
MINERVA: Of course.
(Alden and Minerva step into the kitchen.)
INT. TWENTY SIX WICING DRIVE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
ALDEN: We can not keep this man in our home. He is mentally insane.
MINERVA: Which means we must watch over him.
ALDEN: I am looking out for our safety.
MINERVA: And where would we take him?
ALDEN: I don’t know. He is as mad as the Doeth man!
MINERVA: Then that’s where we’ll take him.
ALDEN: Stick to nuts together?
MINERVA: The man has some common sense and he’s very compassionate.
ALDEN: Perfect.
EXT. LONDON - ALDRICH’S HOUSE - NIGHT
(Alden and Minerva Dewin sit in their carriage with Dewin outside of a small house that is slightly separated from the other homes on the street.)
DEWIN: So this is the home of a healer?
ALDEN: According to him. I will go to the door alone, I do not want to scare him.
(Alden gets out of the carriage and starts heading towards the home.)
MINERVA: So you really do believe that you are the son of Merlin.
DEWIN: I know who my father was. Why is this such a puzzle for you and your husband to wrap your heads around?
MINERVA: Why I’ve only heard stories of Camelot, myths of ancient pasts.
DEWIN: So Morgana not only shifted my place but also the time.
(Alden knocks on the home's door and is greeted by ALDRICH DOETH (Hundreds Of Years Old), an older looking man with crystals strapped around his neck.)
ALDRICH: Doctor Smith, have they finally sent someone to take me away to a nuthouse?
ALDEN: On the exact contrary, I’ve found a wounded man who claims to have been sent here by Morgana le Fay.
ALDRICH: That’s what the shift was!
ALDEN: What? You know what it doesn’t matter, as long as you’re willing to take this man.
ALDRICH: Yes, yes, bring him to me.
ALDEN: Minerva, send him up!
(Dewin comes up to the door.)
DEWIN: Hello.
ALDRICH: My goodness, the energy pulsates off of you.
DEWIN (TO ALDEN): This is the healer?
ALDEN: Yes. Now if you two don’t mind I think I will be headed back on my way.
ALDRICH: Are you sure, Doctor? It’s getting rather late, you and your wife are welcome to stay here.
ALDEN: Thank you, but there’s no need.
(Rain starts pouring out of the sky out of nowhere and thunder and lighting begin.)
ALDRICH: What about now, Doctor?
ALDEN: Minnie! We’re staying here tonight!
INT. ALDRICH’S HOUSE - LIVING SPACE - DAY
(A cluttered mess of books, candles, and potions. Aldrich, Alden, Minerva, and Dewin sit on Aldrich’s circular array of couches and chairs.)
ALDRICH: Before we dive in I suggest you go wash off, Dewin. The washroom is that small one to your left.
DEWIN: Thank you, Aldrich.
(Dewin gets up and goes into the washroom.)
ALDRICH: I know what you two think of me, the neighborhood’s resident crazy.
MINERVA: Not at all, Mister Doeth.
ALDRICH: Don’t lie, Minerva, our actions all come back to bite us.
ALDEN: So we think you're mental, what of it?
ALDRICH: There are dark forces amongst us, Mister and Misses Smith. I believe that Dewin is here to save us.
ALDEN: I appreciate you letting us stay here, but I think it’s time we leave.
ALDRICH: I will change this storm into an earthquake to keep you here if I must.
ALDEN: Come on, Minnie.
(Alden and Minerva get up and go to leave when the whole room begins to shake.)
ALDEN: What’s happening!?
ALDRICH: I warned you.
(Aldrich makes silencing symbols with his hands and the storm and the shaking stops.)
ALDRICH: Now will you listen to me?
(Alden and Minerva both sit back down.)
ALDEN: What are you?
AlDRICH: A magician, a clairvoyant, a healer, I am all of those things and more.
ALDEN: Why do you want us here so badly?
ALDRICH: I don’t think it’s a coincidence that you are the one who found Dewin, Doctor Smith. He needs a guide in this vast new world. Prophecy states that when the second coming of the Camelot war comes, the savior will have a protector.
ALDEN: And why me?
ALDRICH: There are questions that only we can answer ourselves.
(Dewin comes out of the washroom and sits back down.)
ALDRICH: Dewin, please tell me exactly how you arrived here.
DEWIN: Morgana le Fay used an ancient banishing spell on me.
ALDRICH: The fall of Camelot.
(Suddenly a wind sweeps through the room that blows out all the candles.)
MINERVA: Mister Doeth, are you doing this?
ALDRICH: No.
(A match is lit in the center of the room to reveal GWENWYN LIGHTWOOD (Centuries-Old), a green draconic humanoid woman in black robes and a hood.)
GWENWYN: Aldrich.
ALDRICH: Lady Lightwood.
GWENWYN: I’ve tracked a shift in magic to your home.
ALDRICH: It is this boy, he was banished here from Camelot.
(Gwenwyn goes up to Dewin and takes her hood off to reveal her scaly appearance. Alden gasps in disbelief. Gwenwyn runs her finger down Dewin’s cheek.)
GWENWYN (TO ALDRICH): Hm. I presume you wish to let him roam freely?
ALDRICH: With guidance, yes.
GWENWYN: If one thing goes wrong you will be punished.
ALDRICH: I know.
DEWIN (TO GWENWYN): Who are you?
GWENWYN: The last of the dragons. Just as Aldrich is the last descendent of the Family Merlin.
DEWIN (TO ALDRICH): You're a descendant of my father?
ALDRICH: Of his sister, I have many of her poems and spell tombs still intact here.
GWENWYN: Magic is rare these days, endangered, most people don’t even know it exists. So are we under agreement on the boy, Aldrich?
ALDRICH: Yes, but something is still troubling. If you and I both felt Dewin’s presence then-
GWENWYN: Benjamin did too.
DEWIN: Who is Benjamin?
ALDRICH: A descendant of Morgana who wishes to rule the earth under her ideals.
GWENWYN: A very very dangerous man who will certainly kill me if he finds me here.
(Gwenwyn’s match extinguishes and after a moment the candles all reignite but Gwenwyn is gone.)
ALDEN: By Jove!
ALDRICH: So do you all accept this challenge?
DEWIN: What challenge?
ALDRICH: Defeating Benjamin Fayle.
DEWIN: Of course!
ALDEN: Absolutely not.
ALDRICH: Are you that repulsed by compassion?
ALDEN: I can’t risk Minerva of I’s life on what could all be me hallucinating.
ALDRICH: You're risking the world for a craven excuse.
ALDEN: Goodbye.
(Alden gets up.)
ALDEN: Let’s leave, Minnie.
MINERVA: Thank you for your hospitality, Mister Doeth, and good luck.
(Alden leaves, followed by Minerva.)
EXT. LONDON - ALDRICH’S HOUSE - NIGHT
(Alden and Minerva ride through the street in their carriage.)
MINERVA: We were definitely drugged.
ALDEN: Absolutely.
EXT. LONDON - WICING DRIVE - NIGHT
(Alden and Minerva hop out of their carriage.)
ALDEN: I’m going to bring Sally back to the stables.
MINERVA: Goodnight, love you.
ALDEN: I love you most.
(Minerva goes up and enters Twenty Six Wicing Drive as Alden detaches Sally from the carriage and begins to guide her down the cobbled sidewalk with one of his hands on her reins.)
EXT. LONDON - FOREST - NIGHT
(Alden guides Sally through the forest to a set of stables. Sally suddenly rears up and neighs in terror.)
ALDEN: What is it Sally?
(Sally suddenly breaks off her reins and runs towards the stables. A figure in a dark purple hood and robe sweeps past Alden and their eyes glow purple. Alden screams.)
INT. TWENTY SIX WICING DRIVE - BEDROOM- DAY
(Alden and Minerva lay next to each other asleep in bed. Alden wakes up screaming which awakens Minerva.)
MINERVA: What’s the matter?
ALDEN: Just a night terror.
MINERVA: We did the right thing with Dewin, he’s with someone like him now.
ALDEN: Is that really a good thing? I think I’m going to go to the pub.
MINERVA: This early in the morning?
ALDEN: I need to clear my head after yesterday.
INT. GRIFFIN’S TAIL PUB - DAY
(A traditional Victorian pub. Dewin sits at the bar and is served by BRYNN CROWING (Early 30s), a charming bartender.)
BRYNN: What can I get you, Mate?
DEWIN: Just a pint of mead, please.
(Brynn goes and pours Dewin a pint of mead that she brings back to him and he begins drinking.)
BRYNN: I like your outfit, it’s very medieval.
DEWIN: It was made by the tailor of Sir Gawain.
(Brynn gives a light chuckle.)
BRYNN: What’s your name?
DEWIN: Dewin, and yours?
BRYNN: Brynn.
(Alden enters and sees Dewin. Alden leaves, but as he does he spots another person in a dark purple robe and hood with glowing purple eyes.)
DEWIN: You're very beautiful.
BRYNN: Why, thank you.
DEWIN: Would you like to go for a stroll?
BRYNN: My shift here doesn’t end till six.
DEWIN: Then I’ll see you then.
BRYNN: I guess you will.
(Dewin finishes his mead and drops two silver coins with dragons etched into them on the bar before swiftly leaving. Brynn picks up the coins and looks at them with confusion and yearning.)
EXT. LONDON - ALDRICH’S HOUSE - DAY
(Alden knocks on the door and Aldrich opens it.)
ALDRICH: I’ve been expecting you, come in.
(Alden follows Aldrich into the home.)
INT. - ALDRICH’S HOUSE - LIVING SPACE - DAY
(Alden and Aldrich sit across from each other.)
ALDRICH: Can I offer you some tea?
ALDEN: No thank you, I want to be in the clearest state of mind possible here.
ALDRICH: So what ignited your appearance here?
ALDEN: I’ve been seeing these people.
ALDRICH: Who are “these people”?
ALDEN: They wear these dark robes and their eyes glow purple.
ALDRICH: Faley’s society.
ALDEN: What?
ALDRICH: Benjamin Faley, the evil man I mentioned last night. Is this what caused you to believe?
ALDEN: What are you saying?
ALDRICH: That you believe in magic.
ALDEN: You're mad.
ALDRICH: Exactly, so the fact that you came to me shows that there’s at least one lingering thought in your mind that magic is reality and reality is magic.
(There’s a moment of silence between Alden and Aldrich.)
ALDRICH: Where have you been seeing the people you mentioned?
ALDEN: Everywhere that Dewin has been.
ALDRICH: Oh no, oh no, no, no.
ALDEN: What is it?
ALDRICH: Dewin is going out with a woman tonight.
ALDEN: Already? He’s only been here for a day.
ALDRICH: He's charming but also so foolish. You must watch them, in case Faley strikes or even worse this woman is working for him.
ALDEN: What could I even do to stop that?
ALDRICH: You are destined to protect Dewin, and at this point your logic for denying all of this is purely irrational. You're not hesitating because you think it’s not real, you're hesitating because you know it is. He is meeting her at six outside of the “Griffin’s Tail”.
ALDEN: I’m not going.
ALDRICH: We both know that you will.
ALDEN: Farewell, Mister Doeth.
ALDRICH: May the spirit of Merlin be with you, Doctor Smith.
(Alden gets up and leaves.)
EXT. LONDON - GRIFFIN’S TAIL PUB - NIGHT
(Dewin stands outside of the pub when Brynn comes out of the side door and walks towards him.)
BRYNN: I wasn’t expecting you to show.
DEWIN: Why wouldn’t I?
BRYNN: Most men flirt and then leave, half of them are married.
DEWIN: They are not true gentlemen then.
BRYNN: I suppose not.
DEWIN: Shall we begin walking?
BRYNN: Sure.
EXT. LONDON - STREETS - NIGHT
(Dewin and Brynn stroll down the streets of London. Alden follows them from a distance.)
DEWIN: This world is so beautiful.
BRYNN: Compared to all the other worlds you’ve been to?
DEWIN: Well Camelot obviously has a better scenic view.
BRYNN: Camelot?
DEWIN: My home land.
BRYNN: You're full of jokes.
DEWIN: I’m not joking.
BRYNN: What?
(Suddenly someone grabs Brynn into an alleyway and she screams. Dewin quickly turns to see no one beside him and runs after her, followed by Alden.)
EXT. LONDON - ROOFTOP - NIGHT
(The clear skies suddenly turn gray and ominous as Dewin arrives on the roof of a building to see three people with glowing purple eyes in the dark purple robes and hoods with one standing in the center holding Brynn with a dagger to her neck. Alden arrives on the rooftop.)
ALDEN: Bloody hell!
DEWIN: Let go of her!
(The three people take off their hoods and their eyes go to normal shades. The person holding Brynn is revealed to be DABRIA (30s), a menacing looking woman.)
DABRIA: Dim mynd i mewn dim dianc.
(A purple hazy force field appears around the edges of the rooftop.)
DABRIA: So you are the one sent to stop us.
DEWIN: What do you connote?
DABRIA: We are the Citadel of le Fay.
DEWIN: Oh no.
DABRIA: Who are you?
DEWIN: My name is Dewin, I am the son of Merlin, and I demand that you let Brynn go.
DABRIA: Why? Is she your protector?
BRYNN: Dewin, what are they talking about!?
(Dewin starts to move his hands around and a wispy blue energy begins to come out of them.)
DABRIA: Get him!
(The two other people with Dabria rush towards Dewin to attack him, but he uses the energy he created to push them around and drop them both to the ground. Dabria drops Brynn and her dagger and Alden rushes to pick up the dagger and succeeds.)
DABRIA: You are foolish, Dewin.
(Dabria pulls a gun out of her robes and shoots it at Dewin but he turns the bullet into a flower. Dabria shoots more but each time Dewin does the same thing until Dabria is out of bullets. Alden sneaks up behind Dabria and stabs her in the back. Dabria shrieks in pain and then disappears in a cloud of black smoke. Brynn gets up off of the ground.)
BRYNN: What the hell just happened?
DEWIN: Are you okay?
BRYNN: Not mentally. What in the world is going on here? How did you turn bullets into flowers!?
DEWIN: I told you I’m from Camelot.
(Alden drops the dagger.)
ALDEN: Did I just kill that woman?
DEWIN: Most likely not, you didn’t stab deep enough to hit any organs.
BRYNN: What do we do now?
DEWIN: Go home and call it a night.
BRYNN: I can’t forget about this.
DEWIN: I’m not asking you to.
ALDEN: If any of us speak of this people think we’re insane.
DEWIN: Then don’t speak of it.
BRYNN: Will I see you again, Dewin?
DEWIN: Did you enjoy tonight?
BRYNN: I was almost killed.
DEWIN: That doesn’t answer my question.
BRYNN: Meet at the pub on Friday after my shift.
INT. TWENTY SIX WICING DRIVE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
(Alden and Minerva lay next to each other.)
MINERVA: Do you think the Citadel will return?
ALDEN: Unequivocally.
MINERVA: What have we gotten into?
INT. BENJAMIN’S LAIR - NIGHT
(A cavern full of crystals and magical runes. BENJAMIN FALEY (30s or 40s), an attractive but uptight looking man, sits on his throne. Dabria enters and walks to face the throne, she bows and then gets back up.)
BENJAMIN: Did you find him?
DABRIA: Yes, Master Faley.
BENJAMIN: And did you find his protector?
DABRIA: Yes, but it’s not the girl.
BENJAMIN: Then who?
DABRIA: A Doctor Alden Smith.
BENJAMIN: Did you kill the doctor?
DABRIA: He deeply wounded me.
BENJAMIN: Then the battle goes on.
DABRIA: For Morgana.
BENJAMIN: For Morgana.
INT. ALDRICH’S HOUSE - LIVING SPACE - NIGHT
(Aldrich and Dewin sit across from each other drinking tea.)
ALDRICH: There are many things in this world, Dewin…
INT. GWENWYN’S CAVE - NIGHT
(Gwenwyn stands in the middle of a circle of candles. She stretches out her hands and forms magic blue charts and graphs with a picture of Dewin.)
ALDRICH (VOICE OVER): Forces we can’t explain…
EXT. LONDON - ALLEYWAY- NIGHT
(Brynn wears only her undergarments and takes a few coins from a man.)
ALDRICH (VOICE OVER): Secrets we hide…
INT. BENJAMIN’S LAIR - NIGHT
(Benjamin sits on his throne.)
ALDRICH (VOICE OVER): And villains we must defeat.
INT. ALDRICH’S HOUSE - LIVING SPACE - NIGHT
ALDRICH: You are the key to this all, Dewin, you are the son of Merlin.

Katana Chance vs Natalya
Results: With the recent release of her tag team partner, Katana now finds herself going solo, with a big test with the veteran Natalya. Natalya controls the early part of the match, her experience clearly an advantage. In the end Katana manages to pull off the win after hitting an impressive 450 splash
Winner: Katana Chance
__________
We get a short hype video for Giulia, showing she has been dealing with some injuries during the IC title tournament recently but now is fully healthy and coming for gold
__________
We cut to Julia Hart backstage and Skye Blue approaches her
Skye: Hey, where is Karmen at?
Julia: Didn't she come with you?
Skye: No I haven't talked to her all week I thought she was with you.
Both women seem confused and go off together to look for their ally Karmen Petrovic
__________
Sasha Banks is in the ring and introduces her returning friend Bayley, once Bayley is in the ring the duo talk about how they are back together to reclaim the Women's Tag Team Titles and lead that division.
As the pair talk suddenly "Secrets" by Robert Quickenden begins to play, and out walk the debuting tag team of Killer Kelly and Masha Slamovich, known together as MK Ultra.
They get in the ring and just as they are about to speak they rush Sasha and Bayley attacking the pair. After a brief brawl, officials and referees run out and separate the two teams.
__________
Rhea Ripley vs Skye Blue
Results: Rhea seems to be on a mission to take out some anger after being screwed over in the IC Title tournament as she is all over Skye. Skye Briefly gets the upper hand but Rhea takes back over and delivers a huge Riptide for the win
Winner: Rhea Ripley
__________
New Intercontinental Champion Liv Morgan is backstage with Dominik Mysterio, when suddenly they are approached by Dakota Kai
Dakota: We have known each other awhile Liv, never knew you were such a coward and need someone like Dominik to help you win
Dominik: Hey do not talk to Liv that way, show her some respect
Liv: It's ok Dom, Dakota I simply did what was needed to get what I deserve, if you have a problem with that... do something about it
Dakota: Get what you deserve? that is an interesting phrase
Dakota then slaps Dominik in the face and walks off, Dominik holding his face as Liv stares down Dakota
__________
Alexa Bliss vs Zelina Vega
Results: Zelina & Dakota recently agreeing to put their tag team goals on pause and agree to both get back into singles action, and Zelina is in a big spot against a decorated former champion. These 2 go back and forth and in the end it is a sneaky rollup with her feet on the ropes that gives Bliss the cheap win.
Winner: Alexa Bliss
__________
The Women's Champion Tiffany Stratton is in the ring with the Tag Team Champions Cora Jade & Roxanne Perez, they start to cut a promo about still holding so much gold and how they are the dominant team in WWE
When suddenly, "Toxic" begins to play and out walk Mandy Rose, Gigi Dolin and Jacy Jayne, the trio known for their time in NXT get in the ring face to face with the trio of champions
Mandy: It has been awhile since the 3 of us have stood side by side, but we are back together and we are ready to run WWE just like we ran NXT, and there is nothing anybody ca--
Mandy gets cut off as some strange music begins to play, the lights cut to a dark red colour, as all 6 women start looking around. The big screen then cuts black then in gold lettering we see "The Revolution Is Coming"
This stays for a few seconds before the music stops, the lights return normal, and all 6 women are looking around the arena as if expecting some kind of run in.
Smackdown ends in a pile of confusion and speculation

So I've had these ideas for how I'd rewrite Spider-Man: Miles Morales for awhile, back when I was replaying this and Spider-Man PS4 before Insomniac's Spider-Man 2 released. I still enjoyed both games, the first especially. Though I have to come to agree that SM-MM has some narrative gripes; mainly with the villains. Since I already shared them with one Subreddit, I figured why not share it here: so feel free to flame me or share some thoughts on them.
1.) Turn Simon Krieger into Alistair Smythe
Krieger to me always felt kinda off-handed as a villain, leaving most of the dirty work to others and kinda proving Phin's point. That he is all bark and no bite. In coming up with the later change, I figured swapping Krieger for Alistair Smyther would be interesting for a couple of reasons. One being that having Smythe be Roxxon's head of R&D could open up the organization to a different enemy variety; making the Spider Slayer robots a threat Miles has to overcome. Second: it be a way to tie into the games whole "passing of the torch" story since Alistair in the comics took after his father Spencer Smythe. So Alistair could be motivated to escape his father's shadow in Roxxon much like Miles is carving his own path seperate from Peter. Third: honestly you wouldn't need to change the character personality wise; just make him more proactive as a villain.
2.) Keep Rick Mason Alive
An idea borrowed from Game Den's rewrite, I do like the idea of keeping Phin's brother alive and making him an active player in the story. Especially turning his death in the actual game into some supervillain origin story. The explosion that would have killed him instead giving him energy powers at the cost of needing to consume Nuform to survive. However if I were to keep Rick alive and give him superpowers, I'd have it be the case that Roxxon kept him under lock so he can more Nuform by force. Smythe is this hypotheical also taking advantage of Rick's position to weapons his powers and turn him into the companies private superpowered muscle. Specifically strapping him into some barely functional prototype battle armor, adding Nuform intakes to it, and making Rick this universe version of Beetle. I liked this approach for a few reasons, least of which being swapping out the Rhino spot later in the story. For one: if Rick is still alive, I like compound the mystery of what happened to him with the mystery of who Beetle is. I'd like the vision of Rick's armor being like Darth Vader's suit lore wise: in that it give him the ability to fly, hit hard, take hits, and fire out Nuform in concentrated beams; at the cost of needing to feed on Nuform canisters, not talking, and being puppeted by Smythe. Who is just stringing him along to meet quota in the hopes Phin is safe.
3.) Tinkerer's Changes
I also figured do this whole Beetle mystery with Rick would give Phin a redemption arc that doesn't happen last minute. By having the Rhino boss fight be swapped out with one where Miles and Phin's escape is halted by Beetle, Smythe via innercom just goating Phin into killing him, only for Miles to pull her back and discover Rick is the guy in the suit. This does mean for this hypothetical, Phin would be left in the dark about Rick's sickness and just assumed Roxxon killed him. Another change I'd make for her, in regards to her place in the Underground, she didn't take over leadership. She'd be a high ranking member who is trying to stir the gang into her direction while actual leaders of the group plot to cut her out the minute things turn south with her; figured this would dial back her comments when Miles confronts Phin with her secret after the repair shop mission. Blaming the leaders for attack Rio's rally when she needed a distraction for the bridge. The last change I'd make in regards to Phin is explaining why she'd never just went to the Morales for help after assuming Rick died. Since in this case she is working off of assumptions. Basically, taking elements from The Rabble (since to me Raneem is the better version of Insomniac Tinkerer): Phin was jealous of Miles. During the escape from Roxxon mission, before the two encounter "Beetle", Miles does answer Phin's question of whether he was going tell her he was Spider-Man by saying "despite what I was taught, yes". Miles would then throw her question back to which she'd respond with "had you not found out, no". Explaining that despite seeing Miles like a brother, she always thought she was the better of the two; and yet despite that, she lost her parents, her brother, her future, meanwhile Miles still has his. A minor change I would make for the Tinkerer would be moving her boss fight from the end of the game to the amphitheater mission. As with all these changes means the finale would be slightly different.
4.) The Ending
In short, the ending would still be the same: just with a bunch of elements changed. Miles and Phin end the Beetle boss fight by freeing Rick from Smythe control, though they all have to work together to stop the Underground from nuking Harlem via Phin's plan. When Rio shows her support for Miles as Spider-Man, Rick comforts Phin about her actions as the Tinkerer and that he only got strung along by Roxxon to protect her. The three go to try and stop the Underground, Miles gets kidnapped and fights Uncle Aaron. Phin and Rick arrive at the Oscorp convention and find out the Underground leadership has moved forward with cutting her out. Roxxon and the Underground fight throughout Harlem with Spider-Man, Tinkerer and Beetle trying to deesclate things. They try to move on with plan B: have Miles and Rick out absorb the plaza reactor before it goes critical. But then Smythe enters the picture with his own polished battlesuit that's basically combining his Slayer tech and Nuform with Phin's programmable matter. A boss fight ensues, the Mason's go down, Miles turn's the tide by repeatedly absorbing the Nuform from Smythe suit and sending it back at him. Miles and the Mason's save the day, but Rick is the one who sacrifices themself instead of Phin; and Smythe somehow survives but gets crippled and arrested.
Sorry if this post was a long, let me know what yall make of them mess.

You ma'am were my everything, from the moment I first saw you walking to my tow truck. I was in aww of you in that moment I was so hooked I can't explain it in any other way. I just needed to get to know the real you. Looking back I wish I could have slowed everything down a lot because we moved so fast. Opened the door for you and got you up into the truck. At first she was impressed I even would do that for her. She said it made her feel special and no one had ever done that for her. As I walked back to my door to get in time for me started to slow as I thought about a million things at once I was so drawn to her wanted everything for her and me to be amazing and guys, it really was great from my seat. She's absolutely gorgeous, sweet yet she's a pretty bad ass chick though. She's into heavy metal and rock over anything. She's my only ginger I've ever dated in my life. She's so beautiful, selfless when she knows u need something she is the first one to get it for you and she's an amazing cook, So incredibly sexy, and no matter what she broken and all was the only woman that I ever bought a real ring for wherever would and that red hair gets me now every time I find one around in my truck or my house. She loves to play with it as her nervous habit I used to say she was marking her territory jokingly but I loved watching her do it I love watching her play with it It was awesome to just be able to look over at her and see her sitting there was the greatest feeling in my life next to having my children and watching them be born. Seeing her smile was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen in my life That's what I lived for I lived for being silly with her and joking around and just having a good fucking time and spending that time with her no matter how much it was. I loved it always. Even when we fought I didn't ever stop loving her I did never stop caring about her obviously I was in it for us. Call me a wuss whatever you want I don't care I honestly have a thing with other people's hair it grosses me out when it is off the body so I'd have these piles of hair is have to immediately get out of the floor of my work truck when id open it for her to get her out of the truck lol it grossed me out but I didn't really care it was more funny that she was nervous cus we were so chill together. I quickly fell for this girl front the start and she was exactly what I said in the title. She's always going to be my blue little sundress passenger seat princess, the only women I've ever actually seen, planned, or dreamed of a future with and I've had longer relationship with kids even. But she has two sweet little girls that are amazing as well and I have become attatched to them as well throughout this 3 years. Especially because when her and I first met and went on our date I knew already that she was a mom of two but I hadn't met either one of them yet. Days after she was still with me and we spent every waking moment together in that truck. And we had a great time It just felt right. After that weekend was over we went to pick up her 3-month-old daughter. We had to go to the next town over and get her from her dad's house. As I got this little girl up into my truck put her car seat in the back of the tow truck I did what any normal person would do when meeting a baby for the first time. Started talking to her just to see her reaction to me. She was so sweet and so damn cute. She smiled so beautifully and was just so amazing it brought back all the memories for me having my kids. And that one really just cemented in the fact that I wanted to do this so much for my girl and I and for these kids cuz they were amazing. I spent my days just working away. Most the time with her by my side. There was times where yes we were not together 100% there's things she had to go do. Which was fine That's what we needed some time apart to miss each other cuz we did spend a lot of time together but honestly As long as we were there in my truck we were amazing together just hanging out while I was working spending time together and she said she loved watching me work. She loved how manly I smelled after and during a days work. Everything was great. So before her and I met I was always working and keeping to myself just trying to focus on myself but I lived in a hotel. So since her and I got hooked up together, we lived in my hotel which was not bad at all it was a fairly big hotel that offered reduced rates for long extended stays and they offered me a corporate discount. So it was fairly inexpensive as far as paying for the place but it was still extremely expensive compared to renting someplace. But it was by my own money because she had no income no job that I paid for everything. Literally everything. So as I worked 7 days a week and worked from time outta bed in the morning until well after midnight. I had no time to find our own place for cheaper living to start new direction for us. So she started searching for our own place to rent. Let's say we got distracted from that because of this damn drama that seemed to always be happening with her life. I'd always listen to what was going on with her and try to help. It's what I do in my everyday life I jump out of a truck when people are at their worst and it makes me feel a sense of joy because I get to get out of the damn truck like Superman get over to them and calm their life down a little bit slow it down for them when they're in their worst moments of the day and just take that weight off their shoulders. I get that fulfillment for my life that joy and it drives me to keep going That's the only reason I push through my days. I lived for it, soon after meeting her she became a big part of that meaning for me so much so I never even realized that it would end up costing me my career because I just couldn't do it anymore getting in that truck And as I open the door I see her there in the passenger seat with a flooded memory that comes rushing in and I get happy really quick like it's all real again and as soon as I sit down take my guys off that seat I look back over when it close the door cuz I'd always smile back at her when I got in the truck and she's not there and it breaks my heart every single time I experienced this so imagine getting in and out of that truck every day all day long and having to do that. I've been such an emotional wreck now that I literally had to go to my boss and quit my job because I couldn't safely do it and this was the job ladies and gentlemen that I prayed for at the end of our relationship I wasn't working hadn't been working for a few months because I just found out that I got cancer in my throat. So I got depressed I didn't know how to tell her my mom anybody being only 37 years old that I'm not going to be here that long Not as long as I thought so it started to destroy me and by this time in our relationship two and a half years in we had had several moves several little breakups but we'd always come back together and we always seemed great afterwards but then it always seemed like something would come up or she would lie or do something that I didn't like or that I wasn't approving of and every time I tried to talk to her about it she would just blow up at me and yeah there was lots of red flags I missed her out of a relationship I wish I could have done so many things different but stress and being what it is and everything you know I let my emotions get the best of me I let my my everything get the best of me every single time because as soon as she starts yelling it makes me louder and I just don't see anybody giving me that kind of a disrespectful stance especially when I'm trying to be calm I'm trying to just talk to them about it and then they blow up and makes me want to blow up right back So yeah my mistake but are honestly feel like it was just to cause me to do that so she could break up or we can break up and she can run away for a couple days and go get what she needed somewhere else and then come right back. That's what I feel like now. Don't know if it was all lie from delusional or what but everything I've read on here it all speaks to me so much that I honestly I really feel like I was lied to the entire time I was made to believe something that was never true This girl told me she loved me like 3 months in and I honestly felt it before that but I really think it was all just a facade now for her We found each other and we were broken pieces everywhere we started putting our lives together picking everything up putting ourselves back together and we felt more complete than anything is the way I saw our lives up until a year and a half into it though it was for me even with the little small breakups and stuff it was amazing It wouldn't trade it for the world soon as I found out I had cancer though guys It broke me I wasn't working I wasn't doing anything for myself and yeah that I regret I regret not just telling her right away because looking back now it may have helped but I doubt she would even cared She probably would have broke up with me then is how I feel now. But I never told her until almost 3 weeks after we broke up. The 17th of this month was my birthday my 38th birthday The day after is her 3-year-olds 3-year birthday. Which I didn't get to go to even though that little girl calls me dada loves me like there's no tomorrow and I love that little girl so so much she was like she was my daughter shortly after I found out I had cancer I was taking care of that little girl not working but taking care of her all day everyday for months in my house with her living here and my girlfriend living here while she worked. Then she's sitting here telling me griping at me that I need to get back working by about she can't be the only one working but then if I did that we wouldn't had a babysitter We would have nowhere for "Our daughter" She always insisted when I would say her daughter because she has a lot of hateful feelings towards her baby daddy. The other thing I forgot to mention is the fact that about 2 years into our relationship she went through a pretty major surgery for herself No one was there for her except for me I sat with her through the whole thing waited for her at the hospital I waited on her hand and foot at my place of living She laid in my bed took care of her gave her everything she needed and would do it again in a heartbeat The point is that I was there stood by her side took care of her in every way I needed to every way I could. In the first part of our relationship all the way through I'd say the first half She was always constantly wondering if I had eaten today or if I needed food or if I wanted her to cook me anything or I mean would she selflessly would do every single time she was happy to do it She loved doing it She loved being at the hotel and me coming home to a cooked meal how she would do it in her bra and underwear because just for shits and giggles you know She was the most sexually appetizing person I've been in with in my entire life number one and from day one of our relationship I never saw any other female on this planet My eyes never strayed not once they only saw her She was my everything. Fellas tell me when you fell in love If you ever felt the same because I know for me there was another woman on this planet that could ever even have compared to my woman she was so sexy so incredibly just mesmerizing for me and having her in my arms I felt complete I felt like a man I felt like I would move to heaven and earth for this woman and I was trying doing everything I could and it always just seemed like our little stupid spats and our bickering was so much more to her than it was to me because she would always end up leaving and going to her sisters. Her sister was and is so incredibly damaging for her mental state that I'm surprised that this woman has not killed herself yet She has no movement in her own life she's a stay-at-home girlfriend for her boyfriend of 16 15 16 years something like that and she is about a cow about 300 lb heifer that has always been jealous of anything the little sister gets that makes her happy that makes her have a better life than what big sister has then big sister has to sit there and destroy little sisters mental state just to bring her back down so she can feel good about her own self So anytime she ever went back there that's exactly what happened Big sister would just tear her down and break her down and it's just sick and that's where I think first mistake for us ever went was allowing her to move in there because as soon as she did seem like everything started going downhill and that's when I started finding things out about how much she was actually lying to me about stupid silly little things because her brother in-law and sister would talk to her about our relationship at night when they're all home together or whenever and they'd be giving her advice when these two are alcoholics they will not ever get married even though they've been together forever but this is just to not lose social security crap it's ridiculous there's a real fear of commitment between the two and a lot of damage between the two and it just fed right into my woman's head and I'm really truly believe it loud it her to be severely poisoned cuz she started turning into a completely different person but yet I still loved her like the day I first met her I still looked at her exactly the same I still do to this day even though she won't have anything to do with me for whatever reason I don't know I never got a reason but after everything we've been through I honestly felt like every time she made me promise never to leave her every time she made me the promise that she would never leave me no matter what blah blah blah I feel like it was all just a game to her now and a game to her family because my woman was the child that was traded off when things got too stressful for Mom she was the kid that was sent to the hospital to you know being the mental ward because it was just too tough for Mom to cope with having two kids and being as destroyed of a person as she is So of course that's led to a lot of emotional damages for my woman and for that entire family It's led to alcoholism and the other side of the family with her sister and her mom being best friends they hang out all day long and it's about the worst family situation you could think of but sadly she will still choose her family over anybody at the end of the day even though they don't choose her like that It breaks my heart to watch honestly the best thing she could do is cut them off from her life but there is a lot of times that she needed them there because she had no other option is what she felt instead of when we fought going there honestly alsoever wanted her to do is just calm down and instead of leaving stay here choose me over that bullshit fight choose me over the fucking nonsense of everything because at the end of the day none of it mattered to me I always forgave her for everything not because I wanted to be the doormat or because I allowed myself to be the doormat but because when I grew up I grew up in a Christian family That's what we do if we fight we work shit through I may not be the best Christian in the world but I know the values that I have in my family were not the same as hers they traded her off when times got tough they never showed her unconditional love so she doesn't even know how to unconditionally love her own children and it's really sad cuz honestly to this day I feel like that little girl would choose me over her own mother and that breaks my heart for her. I realize I've been rambling on for a while now but this one really doesn't sit right with me guys I've never had any issues with any breakup since this one and I know the mental state she was in when she made it and made this choice but the way she did it just recently after having promised her yet again and her promising me that we would never leave each other and to always fight for the relationship. She comes over about a 3 weeks ago we have sex been seen each other in a few days few days prior to that we went and took "our daughter" to her dentist appointment she had to be knocked out at and did great through who'd she want afterwards after she woke up me Not her mom just me to comfort her. So being the dad that I am of course I did that I gave her the comfort she needed we had a great day together but it was short-lived. My girl's been in such a bad spot mentally but she refused to talk to me about it I could never get her to open up and yes I did a lot of things wrong because I was always trying to fix her or trying to help her through it is how I see it She saw it as me trying to fix her and she said I don't need to be fixed. But I know I didn't see it that way and that may have been my mistake because she wasn't looking for advice or whatever on how to try to help her through it but she just wanted somebody to listen to her which I did I can repeat everything she's ever told me about an issue word for word I can almost predict in my head I can sit there and say okay what's she going to say. And then I can literally as she's saying it out loud I can pretty well determine already know what she's going to say while listening though just to make sure I don't miss anything It ends up being the same thing every time and it's always all about her family's issues and things going on between them. It's been this way for the last year and a half probably since she moved in there now just before this breakup she had been for a couple months looking for place for us to go cuz I want out of where I'm at now and she obviously wanted out of there and so she was supposedly looking for it for a place to go That was ours because I got a new job I sat here and prayed for a new job that I had applied for and they just weren't moving fast enough or something I guess because like 4 days before she broke up with me they called and I started working I was so happy I got back in that truck I was doing it for her for us for me for those girls everything was going the way I had invisioned it going. Then like I said two days go by she came over spend some time together We had a little quickie and then we went to her appointment with the psych doctor couple days later she breaks up with me This is how I wake up the next morning after being at work all night long in my tow truck to a text message and I'm blocked on everything every single social media outlet every everything that we had together online I'm just blocked. Knowing the mental state she was in I was like what the hell is going on now I got a short text message that said something like I can't do this anymore This is after going through her girl parts being taken out being with her the entire time waiting on her hand and foot this is after saving her daughter because her drunk ass sister drove home from their mothers house while watching the like 5-month-old baby at the time and ran the car into the fucking house in the middle of the night and we were both working shoot while she was watching her That's why she was watching her So of course I get a phone call she can't leave work and she's freaking out because her daughter was just in the car that just slammed into the house and did thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars worth of damage So what happens This guy goes and rescues the child and keeps the child with him the entire rest of my work night until mom gets off work there's lots of reasons that this woman has loved me completely and tried so hard and there's lots of reasons why I've loved her as completely as I could and tried so hard and tried getting back on track now I used her in those kids and myself to get me back to a point where I could even start to function again after finding out I had cancer and not knowing how to tell her or anybody and what hurts the most is the fact that she just gave up and just blindsided me with all of this if I feel like and it kills me but this is what I had to do because of her putting all her walls up and just stonewalling me with everything and knowing the fact that even on her Facebook she chose to not put family photos of us for up there but to put every other photo of that entire time together on there even ones that she had taken separately with just her and her girls making it look like nobody else was there the entire time She just failed to include the you know few pictures she took all of us. Which are now deleted off her phone obviously cuz she deleted everything of us together She always does that She always does it just deletes them because she never had any good memories as a child so she has an inability to just keep that stuff because it's painful to her now for some reason even if it was a happy memory She doesn't like those happy memories cuz those are painful that they're not going to happen anymore so she just erases everything and gets rid of it because it's easier for her while I'm not that type of person I'm a sentimental person I keep everything So of course when she goes gets her mind off track whatever I start to be sweet and send her you know our pictures together and things because I know she's already done deleted them which gets her nine times out of 10 and gets her right back to where she needs to be and realizing that I'm there for her that I I want her I choose her and I choose to do this together well not this time She completely stonewalled me wouldn't even respond to me for days and it was literally out of the blue So I'm freaking out because I'm thinking she's going to go hurt herself which she's tried to do a few times and she just reapped on all her medication the last time she tried to hurt herself that's what had happened She took all of her medication and thank God nothing happened but now she had you know six new bottles of pills which would have done it so I was scared for her life honestly. So I was literally just freaking out day after day night after night and all while having to work at night now with this new job in the truck that I was freaking out because I couldn't see her in my passenger seat anymore and then I was seeing her and then I was worrying about her and I was concentrating more on her than I was even able to do my job like I said I had to give it up even though I sat there and prayed for her prayed for myself to pray to get the job and it was literally a blessing because they created the position for me they didn't need to fill a position they created it for me I've been doing this job for well over 10 years of my career and I'm damn good at it Just not right now and so for the last month after everything that I found out everything that it's been said This is what I had to do guys and I I can't regret it I can't feel any type of way about it but I've been pushing and pushing and pushing on purpose because I know she's not coming back no matter what That's the way she feels but once I stop trying to fight for the relationship to fight for her and fight for those kids I know she's going to start to feel the feelings of losing me and it's going to start getting into her head so I knew if I stopped talking to her that's what would happen and she would try to slide right back into my life a month later whenever however it would happen she would come back eventually and I'm not going to be in a new place in my life where I would allow her to do that I can't So what I did was I pushed on purpose not only because she made me promise to do it but because I knew it's what needed to happen because I needed my mental state to be better and it's not right now I'm a wreck right now because of this woman because of losing this woman cuz I honestly felt like she's the one person on this planet that I would never let go. So my life is just turned into a fucking wreck on a wreck on a wreck because of her vindictive nature her mean-spirited bullshit when she gets mad She doesn't not have a filter so she uses her daughter against me how's it feel no that you'll never see "her daughter" ever again trying to dig into my heart and just cause more pain This is the type of stuff she would say to me That would just break me down to nothing. I've literally been in tears since the breakup and before that because I I think I kind of knew it was coming but I was just so depressed that I couldn't do anything I would cry every night even a month before we were broken up I would cry every night just cuz I missed her I missed her being next to me but that was her own fault that was her own doing She lied put words in my roommate's mouth that were never there and she couldn't apologize She could not be an adult and apologize to him and then it would have been fine She would have been a loud back at the house She would been able to come see me but she just is not the adult that I thought she was or that she used to be before when we first got together and and I don't understand what happened I can't see where it all just went so terribly wrong except for her moving in with her family. It has been the greatest experience of my life loving this woman but at the same time in the end it has been so destructive so I had to make sure that she would never come back So for the last month I've been pestering her coming at her yelling at her calling her all these names in the book and just destroying anything she ever had for me because I won't let her back into my life I can't cuz I know if I do it will be the death of me so I'm choosing me over the love of my life. The woman that I have lived for for this past three fucking years of my life given everything to worked my ass off so I could fucking just keep going the next day to provide what I could for us as a family mind you have paid for everything every waking moment for the first year and a half of our lives because she didn't have a job She didn't work so I paid for everything and that's everything we needed for the baby as well. That couldn't get bought with food stamps. Literally drained every bit of funds that I had saved up everything Just took me for a rollercoaster ride through hell but I chose me I choose me now And hopefully the apartment that she was finding for us the one that she supposedly went to Once she supposedly is at now I hope her I wish her all the best but I had to sit here and destroy any chances of ever being with the woman that I still to this day want because I know she comes back crawling back I knew that I would take her back in a heartbeat and I just can't do it so I had to get it done and over with for me for her for everybody because I won't be hurt like that I won't be disrespected like that I won't be turned into a monster because she tears me down with her hateful little remarks and digs into my heart that are totally unnecessary when I'm being everything I can try to be and be sweet for her She literally anytime I would try to be sweet would turn it into something it's not telling me I'm manipulating her telling me I'm doing this I'm doing that well okay so that's what I'll do That's what I thought and that's exactly what I did If I'm the monster let me know cuz I feel like it honestly but I know it's for the best. To my little blue sundress princess, the love of my life I'm Sorry I had to do what I did sweetheart I'll always love you no matter what babe Just can't have you walk back into my life and and destroy everything that I build from here on out because I'll end up killing myself and I don't want that to happen so this is goodbye even though I know you'll never read this. Just know that I see you everywhere in every place I go there's memories that fled back to me everyday that are amazing or that are bad or that are just that their memories they will fade eventually hopefully but for now they are still too real for me to just forget like seems like you want to do by going out there and supposedly live in your best life faking it just to make it for the rest of the world being that strong independent woman with that attitude exactly even though I know you're sad inside I know you just buried those feelings All the love you had for me and you're lying to yourself but that's on you now I tried I really really tried to get you to understand that that's where we were headed was the life we wanted so sorry I asked you to choose me and love me for me instead of love me for what I had or didn't have. I'm sorry I needed to do this or even felt like I needed to do this cuz I will always love you no matter what, But now my life is going to be for me and for me only for its remainder because you gave up the fight and I ended it.

So, this weekend while washing my hands I realized that I had some type of dark spot on my thumbs. I thought it was just aging or whatever, but it's only on my thumb and it feels and looks dry.
I'm not sure but I thought it could be because recently I got a new soap and I thought that could be the cause. But it doesn't make sense that it would only affect my thumbs. It felt itchy also.
I can't tell if it's eczema or not. Can someone help?

Hi guys,
I am in a weird spot right now. I'm going to give you a summation of the events that led me here
1st GF left me and came back to me (5x) -> We finally break-up -> Met my 2nd girlfriend -> It was fantastic -> 5 months in I discovered that she lied about 95% of everything -> I forgave her -> We lasted for 11 more months -> Over the course of those 11 months, I was already deteriorating but I stayed because I loved her -> She said that she is also unhappy and unfulfilled because of our relationship [LDR] -> I break up with her because she deserves someone better, even though I loved her very much -> Met this girl Liked her for 2 months Formally met each other when our friend group drank together Found out she had a boyfriend Talked as friends They break up We hit it off Do couple things Ex comes back Ghosts me Sleeps with him I ask her if she's going to ghost me again and go back with him She says no-> Christmas break Ghosts me Went through a phase -> Met another girl We hit it off I found out she then slept with another guy hours before meeting up with me -> I left Stalked my "classmate's" Instagram they are now officially together [She and her ex] Try to cut her off We became blockmates We became groupmates Now..I am checkmate -> I try to ignore her, can't as we're always put closer for some reason -> I try to work it out with her -> She does something fckd up [Rinse and repeat x infinity] -> I bit the bullet and reached out again I drove her We talked -> Asked her if she wants us to just keep ignoring each other She says no -> We talk for a couple of days She ghosts me again I see her everyday as not only is she in my class, but we're in the same group -> Now, I am here.
So.. what is "here". Well, I realized that I was being toxic to myself. I have some serious issues. I hated being myself. I hated being alone. I can't open up to my friends and family as I didn't want to burden them, I have longed believed that I should only open to my "partner" about my issues, as I know I am not a burden to her. Ever since I was a fat sixteen-year-old kid, I have always wanted to experience having a girlfriend. Someone for myself. Someone to go on dates with, Someone to take cute pictures with, Someone to hold hands with while walking around/home, someone to cuddle with, Someone to go home to and just cuddle after a long day of school, Someone to take care of me when I'm sick, Someone to rest my head unto when I am tired. Those kinds of things. And though I have had 2 exes, both long-term [1st =13 months & 2nd =16 Months], So even though I have had girlfriends, I never really got to experience having a girlfriend. I was in a relationship with my phone as both of them were LDRs. So when I met my classmate, I thought that it was finally my chance to have something "Easy". To finally experience the things that I have long wanted to experience and in a sense..I did. Little did I know that.. that cute girl with glasses was about to treat me the worst. That's why I kept jumping from one girl to another. Cause I wanted someone to "unload" my issues to. I wanted someone to listen to me and then hug me afterward.
It took me 21 years to realize that.. that was stupid.
I shouldn't depend on other people for my peace and happiness and to fix me. I needed to learn how to be self-sufficient. Yes, I am used to being alone, because of my LDRs, but I was never really okay with it. I just acted like I was because I had no choice.
Now I am trying to be okay with it.
I ghosted everyone. I ignored all of my friends' messages and requests to go out. I want to be content while being alone. That's why the moment we get dismissed from class, I immediately leave so I can be alone. I don't want to hang out with my friends as I don't want to bring the mood down cause I can't be my normal jolly self, and I know as well that .. going out with them is just a bandaid solution. Yes, I'll be happy when I'm with them, but the moment I go home and I am alone.. Everything will rush in and break me. I don't want that. I want to rejoin them when I am fully okay. I don't want to rush into another relationship or girl again, as I don't want a repeat of what happened. I don't want to meet another girl as I will eventually fck it up again by being too volatile and by just acting too fast and just start unloading my baggage.
It has been 2-3 weeks since I last spoke to any of my friends. I have been going out and hanging out by myself for those 2-3 weeks. And.. this is the tricky part.
I seriously have no idea where I am. When I zone out, I don't cry anymore, but I am nowhere near happy. It doesn't hurt as much anymore not because I am doing better, but because I got numb. When I'm alone, I think about my ex and my classmate all the time, but this time it doesn't immediately break me. It just makes my chest tingle a little bit.
To be honest, I am scared. As I don't know how to let people in anymore. I don't know when to go back. A part of me is telling to me to go back now, but a part of me is saying I am not ready. The thing is I don't know when I'll be ready. Here's the thing too, when it's daytime I just distract myself by sleeping and working, and it doesn't feel as painful. Yes, I still get a little "When will I have that ..?" Whenever I see couples around me, but not as painful. But when it's nighttime.. when I no longer have enough energy to work. As I lie on my bed, I realize how "alone" I am as I have no one to end my day with. But the fucked up thing is , during the day I have almost no interest to talk to anyone. I actually don't reply as fast as I used to. Before, I'll reply as soon as I have the chance. Now, i'll reply like 6-10 hours later, not on purpose or anything.. I just don't feel like it, I don't know why [For real tho, can someone explain that..?]/ I want someone to be there for me, but after the past few weeks, I am afraid that they might not have space in my life anymore. Cause to be honest with you, cringe.. but when I'm sitting alone, a part of me wishes that someone would follow me and sit beside me. I've wanted that for years now. But I am slowly smothering that dream out.
I know I can't stay like this. I want to be better. I want to get out.
I just don't know how.
I want to be self-sufficient. I want to be happy and content on my own so when the time comes that I let someone inside again, when they inevitably do something fckd up, I won't hurt as much as I can manage on my own.
I want that.
But I know that I can't stay like this forever, and I don't know if I'm making progress or not. When I'm alone, things don't hurt as much, but when I see my classmate in class.. When I see her texting on her phone as the message I left a week ago remains inboxed I get pissed off. I don't know why. I know this looks like me putting all the blame on my classmate, and yes, she did do the most amount of damage in the smallest window of time. But to be fair, it was my fault as well. As a part of me kinda wanted to use her a way of getting over my issues that I have faced since I was a kid and from my 2 exes. Again, little did I know that Instead of helping me get back on my feet, she'll deal the coupe de grace that will make me kill the past version of myself. She isn't the sole reason as to why I have broken down, but she did do enough damage to kill me 25 times over, She was just the last straw to break the camel's back..but boy what a straw she was.
I still want to have a girlfriend, I still want someone to be there for me when I get home from school. I still want someone to call before I go to sleep, but I know I'm afraid to risk it, cause maybe I am not ready yet and I might rush and fuck it up again, so I shut myself out until I am sure that I am ready. But i know to myself that there's a huge possibility that I'll never be ready and one day I'll be surprised that 2 years have past and I am still in the same spot and I am still alone. This puts me in a loop as shutting myself down also shuts down any chance of me getting one.
See why I am so fckd?
Ugh I'm a mess, but I am not stupid enough to be delusional and think that I can do this on my own. I need some help guys.
sorry for the long entry, Love y'all.

[Disclaimer ; Going to be a bit long and cringe]
Hi guys,
I am in a weird spot right now. I'm going to give you a summation of the events that led me here
1st GF left me and came back to me (5x) -> We finally break-up -> Met my 2nd girlfriend -> It was fantastic -> 5 months in I discovered that she lied about 95% of everything -> I forgave her -> We lasted for 11 more months -> Over the course of those 11 months, I was already deteriorating but I stayed because I loved her -> She said that she is also unhappy and unfulfilled because of our relationship [LDR] -> I break up with her because she deserves someone better, even though I loved her very much -> Met this girl Liked her for 2 months Formally met each other when our friend group drank together Found out she had a boyfriend Talked as friends They break up We hit it off Do couple things Ex comes back Ghosts me Sleeps with him I ask her if she's going to ghost me again and go back with him She says no-> Christmas break Ghosts me Went through a phase -> Met another girl We hit it off I found out she then slept with another guy hours before meeting up with me -> I left Stalked my "classmate's" Instagram they are now officially together [She and her ex] Try to cut her off We became blockmates We became groupmates Now..I am checkmate -> I try to ignore her, can't as we're always put closer for some reason -> I try to work it out with her -> She does something fckd up [Rinse and repeat x infinity] -> I bit the bullet and reached out again I drove her We talked -> Asked her if she wants us to just keep ignoring each other She says no -> We talk for a couple of days She ghosts me again I see her everyday as not only is she in my class, but we're in the same group -> Now, I am here.
So.. what is "here". Well, I realized that I was being toxic to myself. I have some serious issues. I hated being myself. I hated being alone. I can't open up to my friends and family as I didn't want to burden them, I have longed believed that I should only open to my "partner" about my issues, as I know I am not a burden to her. Ever since I was a fat sixteen-year-old kid, I have always wanted to experience having a girlfriend. Someone for myself. Someone to go on dates with, Someone to take cute pictures with, Someone to hold hands with while walking around/home, someone to cuddle with, Someone to go home to and just cuddle after a long day of school, Someone to take care of me when I'm sick, Someone to rest my head unto when I am tired. Those kinds of things. And though I have had 2 exes, both long-term [1st =13 months & 2nd =16 Months], So even though I have had girlfriends, I never really got to experience having a girlfriend. I was in a relationship with my phone as both of them were LDRs. So when I met my classmate, I thought that it was finally my chance to have something "Easy". To finally experience the things that I have long wanted to experience and in a sense..I did. Little did I know that.. that cute girl with glasses was about to treat me the worst. That's why I kept jumping from one girl to another. Cause I wanted someone to "unload" my issues to. I wanted someone to listen to me and then hug me afterward.
It took me 21 years to realize that.. that was stupid.
I shouldn't depend on other people for my peace and happiness and to fix me. I needed to learn how to be self-sufficient. Yes, I am used to being alone, because of my LDRs, but I was never really okay with it. I just acted like I was because I had no choice.
Now I am trying to be okay with it.
I ghosted everyone. I ignored all of my friends' messages and requests to go out. I want to be content while being alone. That's why the moment we get dismissed from class, I immediately leave so I can be alone. I don't want to hang out with my friends as I don't want to bring the mood down cause I can't be my normal jolly self, and I know as well that .. going out with them is just a bandaid solution. Yes, I'll be happy when I'm with them, but the moment I go home and I am alone.. Everything will rush in and break me. I don't want that. I want to rejoin them when I am fully okay. I don't want to rush into another relationship or girl again, as I don't want a repeat of what happened. I don't want to meet another girl as I will eventually fck it up again by being too volatile and by just acting too fast and just start unloading my baggage.
It has been 2-3 weeks since I last spoke to any of my friends. I have been going out and hanging out by myself for those 2-3 weeks. And.. this is the tricky part.
I seriously have no idea where I am. When I zone out, I don't cry anymore, but I am nowhere near happy. It doesn't hurt as much anymore not because I am doing better, but because I got numb. When I'm alone, I think about my ex and my classmate all the time, but this time it doesn't immediately break me. It just makes my chest tingle a little bit.
To be honest, I am scared. As I don't know how to let people in anymore. I don't know when to go back. A part of me is telling to me to go back now, but a part of me is saying I am not ready. The thing is I don't know when I'll be ready. Here's the thing too, when it's daytime I just distract myself by sleeping and working, and it doesn't feel as painful. Yes, I still get a little "When will I have that ..?" Whenever I see couples around me, but not as painful. But when it's nighttime.. when I no longer have enough energy to work. As I lie on my bed, I realize how "alone" I am as I have no one to end my day with. But the fucked up thing is , during the day I have almost no interest to talk to anyone. I actually don't reply as fast as I used to. Before, I'll reply as soon as I have the chance. Now, i'll reply like 6-10 hours later, not on purpose or anything.. I just don't feel like it, I don't know why [For real tho, can someone explain that..?]/ I want someone to be there for me, but after the past few weeks, I am afraid that they might not have space in my life anymore. Cause to be honest with you, cringe.. but when I'm sitting alone, a part of me wishes that someone would follow me and sit beside me. I've wanted that for years now. But I am slowly smothering that dream out.
I know I can't stay like this. I want to be better. I want to get out.
I just don't know how.
I want to be self-sufficient. I want to be happy and content on my own so when the time comes that I let someone inside again, when they inevitably do something fckd up, I won't hurt as much as I can manage on my own.
I want that.
But I know that I can't stay like this forever, and I don't know if I'm making progress or not. When I'm alone, things don't hurt as much, but when I see my classmate in class.. When I see her texting on her phone as the message I left a week ago remains inboxed I get pissed off. I don't know why. I know this looks like me putting all the blame on my classmate, and yes, she did do the most amount of damage in the smallest window of time. But to be fair, it was my fault as well. As a part of me kinda wanted to use her a way of getting over my issues that I have faced since I was a kid and from my 2 exes. Again, little did I know that Instead of helping me get back on my feet, she'll deal the coupe de grace that will make me kill the past version of myself. She isn't the sole reason as to why I have broken down, but she did do enough damage to kill me 25 times over, She was just the last straw to break the camel's back..but boy what a straw she was.
I still want to have a girlfriend, I still want someone to be there for me when I get home from school. I still want someone to call before I go to sleep, but I know I'm afraid to risk it, cause maybe I am not ready yet and I might rush and fuck it up again, so I shut myself out until I am sure that I am ready. But i know to myself that there's a huge possibility that I'll never be ready and one day I'll be surprised that 2 years have past and I am still in the same spot and I am still alone. This puts me in a loop as shutting myself down also shuts down any chance of me getting one.
See why I am so fckd?
Ugh I'm a mess, but I am not stupid enough to be delusional and think that I can do this on my own. I need some help guys.
sorry for the long entry, Love y'all.

[Disclaimer ; Going to be a bit long and cringe]
Hi guys,
I am in a weird spot right now. I'm going to give you a summation of the events that led me here
1st GF left me and came back to me (5x) -> We finally break-up -> Met my 2nd girlfriend -> It was fantastic -> 5 months in I discovered that she lied about 95% of everything -> I forgave her -> We lasted for 11 more months -> Over the course of those 11 months, I was already deteriorating but I stayed because I loved her -> She said that she is also unhappy and unfulfilled because of our relationship [LDR] -> I break up with her because she deserves someone better, even though I loved her very much -> Met this girl Liked her for 2 months Formally met each other when our friend group drank together Found out she had a boyfriend Talked as friends They break up We hit it off Do couple things Ex comes back Ghosts me Sleeps with him I ask her if she's going to ghost me again and go back with him She says no-> Christmas break Ghosts me Went through a phase -> Met another girl We hit it off I found out she then slept with another guy hours before meeting up with me -> I left Stalked my "classmate's" Instagram they are now officially together [She and her ex] Try to cut her off We became blockmates We became groupmates Now..I am checkmate -> I try to ignore her, can't as we're always put closer for some reason -> I try to work it out with her -> She does something fckd up [Rinse and repeat x infinity] -> I bit the bullet and reached out again I drove her We talked -> Asked her if she wants us to just keep ignoring each other She says no -> We talk for a couple of days She ghosts me again I see her everyday as not only is she in my class, but we're in the same group -> Now, I am here.
So.. what is "here". Well, I realized that I was being toxic to myself. I have some serious issues. I hated being myself. I hated being alone. I can't open up to my friends and family as I didn't want to burden them, I have longed believed that I should only open to my "partner" about my issues, as I know I am not a burden to her. Ever since I was a fat sixteen-year-old kid, I have always wanted to experience having a girlfriend. Someone for myself. Someone to go on dates with, Someone to take cute pictures with, Someone to hold hands with while walking around/home, someone to cuddle with, Someone to go home to and just cuddle after a long day of school, Someone to take care of me when I'm sick, Someone to rest my head unto when I am tired. Those kinds of things. And though I have had 2 exes, both long-term [1st =13 months & 2nd =16 Months], So even though I have had girlfriends, I never really got to experience having a girlfriend. I was in a relationship with my phone as both of them were LDRs. So when I met my classmate, I thought that it was finally my chance to have something "Easy". To finally experience the things that I have long wanted to experience and in a sense..I did. Little did I know that.. that cute girl with glasses was about to treat me the worst. That's why I kept jumping from one girl to another. Cause I wanted someone to "unload" my issues to. I wanted someone to listen to me and then hug me afterward.
It took me 21 years to realize that.. that was stupid.
I shouldn't depend on other people for my peace and happiness and to fix me. I needed to learn how to be self-sufficient. Yes, I am used to being alone, because of my LDRs, but I was never really okay with it. I just acted like I was because I had no choice.
Now I am trying to be okay with it.
I ghosted everyone. I ignored all of my friends' messages and requests to go out. I want to be content while being alone. That's why the moment we get dismissed from class, I immediately leave so I can be alone. I don't want to hang out with my friends as I don't want to bring the mood down cause I can't be my normal jolly self, and I know as well that .. going out with them is just a bandaid solution. Yes, I'll be happy when I'm with them, but the moment I go home and I am alone.. Everything will rush in and break me. I don't want that. I want to rejoin them when I am fully okay. I don't want to rush into another relationship or girl again, as I don't want a repeat of what happened. I don't want to meet another girl as I will eventually fck it up again by being too volatile and by just acting too fast and just start unloading my baggage.
It has been 2-3 weeks since I last spoke to any of my friends. I have been going out and hanging out by myself for those 2-3 weeks. And.. this is the tricky part.
I seriously have no idea where I am. When I zone out, I don't cry anymore, but I am nowhere near happy. It doesn't hurt as much anymore not because I am doing better, but because I got numb. When I'm alone, I think about my ex and my classmate all the time, but this time it doesn't immediately break me. It just makes my chest tingle a little bit.
To be honest, I am scared. As I don't know how to let people in anymore. I don't know when to go back. A part of me is telling to me to go back now, but a part of me is saying I am not ready. The thing is I don't know when I'll be ready. Here's the thing too, when it's daytime I just distract myself by sleeping and working, and it doesn't feel as painful. Yes, I still get a little "When will I have that ..?" Whenever I see couples around me, but not as painful. But when it's nighttime.. when I no longer have enough energy to work. As I lie on my bed, I realize how "alone" I am as I have no one to end my day with. But the fucked up thing is , during the day I have almost no interest to talk to anyone. I actually don't reply as fast as I used to. Before, I'll reply as soon as I have the chance. Now, i'll reply like 6-10 hours later, not on purpose or anything.. I just don't feel like it, I don't know why [For real tho, can someone explain that..?]/ I want someone to be there for me, but after the past few weeks, I am afraid that they might not have space in my life anymore. Cause to be honest with you, cringe.. but when I'm sitting alone, a part of me wishes that someone would follow me and sit beside me. I've wanted that for years now. But I am slowly smothering that dream out.
I know I can't stay like this. I want to be better. I want to get out.
I just don't know how.
I want to be self-sufficient. I want to be happy and content on my own so when the time comes that I let someone inside again, when they inevitably do something fckd up, I won't hurt as much as I can manage on my own.
I want that.
But I know that I can't stay like this forever, and I don't know if I'm making progress or not. When I'm alone, things don't hurt as much, but when I see my classmate in class.. When I see her texting on her phone as the message I left a week ago remains inboxed I get pissed off. I don't know why. I know this looks like me putting all the blame on my classmate, and yes, she did do the most amount of damage in the smallest window of time. But to be fair, it was my fault as well. As a part of me kinda wanted to use her a way of getting over my issues that I have faced since I was a kid and from my 2 exes. Again, little did I know that Instead of helping me get back on my feet, she'll deal the coupe de grace that will make me kill the past version of myself. She isn't the sole reason as to why I have broken down, but she did do enough damage to kill me 25 times over, She was just the last straw to break the camel's back..but boy what a straw she was.
I still want to have a girlfriend, I still want someone to be there for me when I get home from school. I still want someone to call before I go to sleep, but I know I'm afraid to risk it, cause maybe I am not ready yet and I might rush and fuck it up again, so I shut myself out until I am sure that I am ready. But i know to myself that there's a huge possibility that I'll never be ready and one day I'll be surprised that 2 years have past and I am still in the same spot and I am still alone. This puts me in a loop as shutting myself down also shuts down any chance of me getting one.
See why I am so fckd?
Ugh I'm a mess, but I am not stupid enough to be delusional and think that I can do this on my own. I need some help guys.
sorry for the long entry, Love y'all.

I don't know what I'm feeling. I have self-isolated and I want to get out.
[Disclaimer ; Going to be a bit long and cringe]
Hi guys,
I am in a weird spot right now. I'm going to give you a summation of the events that led me here
1st GF left me and came back to me (5x) -> We finally break-up -> Met my 2nd girlfriend -> It was fantastic -> 5 months in I discovered that she lied about 95% of everything -> I forgave her -> We lasted for 11 more months -> Over the course of those 11 months, I was already deteriorating but I stayed because I loved her -> She said that she is also unhappy and unfulfilled because of our relationship [LDR] -> I break up with her because she deserves someone better, even though I loved her very much -> Met this girl Liked her for 2 months Formally met each other when our friend group drank together Found out she had a boyfriend Talked as friends They break up We hit it off Do couple things Ex comes back Ghosts me Sleeps with him I ask her if she's going to ghost me again and go back with him She says no-> Christmas break Ghosts me Went through a phase -> Met another girl We hit it off I found out she then slept with another guy hours before meeting up with me -> I left Stalked my "classmate's" Instagram they are now officially together [She and her ex] Try to cut her off We became blockmates We became groupmates Now..I am checkmate -> I try to ignore her, can't as we're always put closer for some reason -> I try to work it out with her -> She does something fckd up [Rinse and repeat x infinity] -> I bit the bullet and reached out again I drove her We talked -> Asked her if she wants us to just keep ignoring each other She says no -> We talk for a couple of days She ghosts me again I see her everyday as not only is she in my class, but we're in the same group -> Now, I am here.
So.. what is "here". Well, I realized that I was being toxic to myself. I have some serious issues. I hated being myself. I hated being alone. I can't open up to my friends and family as I didn't want to burden them, I have longed believed that I should only open to my "partner" about my issues, as I know I am not a burden to her. Ever since I was a fat sixteen-year-old kid, I have always wanted to experience having a girlfriend. Someone for myself. Someone to go on dates with, Someone to take cute pictures with, Someone to hold hands with while walking around/home, someone to cuddle with, Someone to go home to and just cuddle after a long day of school, Someone to take care of me when I'm sick, Someone to rest my head unto when I am tired. Those kinds of things. And though I have had 2 exes, both long-term [1st =13 months & 2nd =16 Months], So even though I have had girlfriends, I never really got to experience having a girlfriend. I was in a relationship with my phone as both of them were LDRs. So when I met my classmate, I thought that it was finally my chance to have something "Easy". To finally experience the things that I have long wanted to experience and in a sense..I did. Little did I know that.. that cute girl with glasses was about to treat me the worst. That's why I kept jumping from one girl to another. Cause I wanted someone to "unload" my issues to. I wanted someone to listen to me and then hug me afterward.
It took me 21 years to realize that.. that was stupid.
I shouldn't depend on other people for my peace and happiness and to fix me. I needed to learn how to be self-sufficient. Yes, I am used to being alone, because of my LDRs, but I was never really okay with it. I just acted like I was because I had no choice.
Now I am trying to be okay with it.
I ghosted everyone. I ignored all of my friends' messages and requests to go out. I want to be content while being alone. That's why the moment we get dismissed from class, I immediately leave so I can be alone. I don't want to hang out with my friends as I don't want to bring the mood down cause I can't be my normal jolly self, and I know as well that .. going out with them is just a bandaid solution. Yes, I'll be happy when I'm with them, but the moment I go home and I am alone.. Everything will rush in and break me. I don't want that. I want to rejoin them when I am fully okay. I don't want to rush into another relationship or girl again, as I don't want a repeat of what happened. I don't want to meet another girl as I will eventually fck it up again by being too volatile and by just acting too fast and just start unloading my baggage.
It has been 2-3 weeks since I last spoke to any of my friends. I have been going out and hanging out by myself for those 2-3 weeks. And.. this is the tricky part.
I seriously have no idea where I am. When I zone out, I don't cry anymore, but I am nowhere near happy. It doesn't hurt as much anymore not because I am doing better, but because I got numb. When I'm alone, I think about my ex and my classmate all the time, but this time it doesn't immediately break me. It just makes my chest tingle a little bit.
To be honest, I am scared. As I don't know how to let people in anymore. I don't know when to go back. A part of me is telling to me to go back now, but a part of me is saying I am not ready. The thing is I don't know when I'll be ready. Here's the thing too, when it's daytime I just distract myself by sleeping and working, and it doesn't feel as painful. Yes, I still get a little "When will I have that ..?" Whenever I see couples around me, but not as painful. But when it's nighttime.. when I no longer have enough energy to work. As I lie on my bed, I realize how "alone" I am as I have no one to end my day with. But the fucked up thing is , during the day I have almost no interest to talk to anyone. I actually don't reply as fast as I used to. Before, I'll reply as soon as I have the chance. Now, i'll reply like 6-10 hours later, not on purpose or anything.. I just don't feel like it, I don't know why [For real tho, can someone explain that..?]/ I want someone to be there for me, but after the past few weeks, I am afraid that they might not have space in my life anymore. Cause to be honest with you, cringe.. but when I'm sitting alone, a part of me wishes that someone would follow me and sit beside me. I've wanted that for years now. But I am slowly smothering that dream out.
I know I can't stay like this. I want to be better. I want to get out.
I just don't know how.
I want to be self-sufficient. I want to be happy and content on my own so when the time comes that I let someone inside again, when they inevitably do something fckd up, I won't hurt as much as I can manage on my own.
I want that.
But I know that I can't stay like this forever, and I don't know if I'm making progress or not. When I'm alone, things don't hurt as much, but when I see my classmate in class.. When I see her texting on her phone as the message I left a week ago remains inboxed I get pissed off. I don't know why. I know this looks like me putting all the blame on my classmate, and yes, she did do the most amount of damage in the smallest window of time. But to be fair, it was my fault as well. As a part of me kinda wanted to use her a way of getting over my issues that I have faced since I was a kid and from my 2 exes. Again, little did I know that Instead of helping me get back on my feet, she'll deal the coupe de grace that will make me kill the past version of myself. She isn't the sole reason as to why I have broken down, but she did do enough damage to kill me 25 times over, She was just the last straw to break the camel's back..but boy what a straw she was.
I still want to have a girlfriend, I still want someone to be there for me when I get home from school. I still want someone to call before I go to sleep, but I know I'm afraid to risk it, cause maybe I am not ready yet and I might rush and fuck it up again, so I shut myself out until I am sure that I am ready. But i know to myself that there's a huge possibility that I'll never be ready and one day I'll be surprised that 2 years have past and I am still in the same spot and I am still alone. This puts me in a loop as shutting myself down also shuts down any chance of me getting one.
See why I am so fckd?
Ugh I'm a mess, but I am not stupid enough to be delusional and think that I can do this on my own. I need some help guys.
sorry for the long entry, Love y'all.

Hi I am a 25 year old man who recently got into a small harmless argument with an older man.
I just wanted to analyze it quickly and get your thoughts on this from a psychosocial perspective.
Backstory:
^{The beginning:}
I was at the gas station, waiting for the air compressor to fill up my tyres. The lady who had the "spot" didn't drive away after she finished and got back in the car. I drove slowly up behind here, waited a little bit, then after 1 minute gave a quick honk. Another minute passed, and I got out of the car, up to her window and asked what was going on. She was texting, and finally she realized others were waiting for the spot. All good and she started up the car and said "sorry".
^{The argument:}
I reversed my car since another car wanted to pass.
While I did this, an SUV flew around the corner like a Formula 1 car and "stole" the spot.
I was like *sigh*, what a "shark". But I guess he had been waiting longer than me. He was a man aged around 50 I guess.
Then I saw him pulling out the window scraper.
That's when I went over and was like "Hey, aren't you gonna use the air compressor". He replied with "No".
Then I said. "But why on earth are you occuping the air compressor spot when others are waiting if you do not need it."
He then instantly got angry and said "Dont you come here and lecture me! I can move if you ask nicely!".
This was said very agressively.
And then 20-30 seconds more of baloney on the "ask nicely subject", and why my approach was wrong etc.
I did not fall in to this trap and "Re-ask", I just waived my hand and walked away, with a feeling that he would move.
As we both entered our cars, he managed to slip yet another smart comment. "Some humilty can get you far".
He just couldn't resist another comment.
Analysis:
It is quite interesting how he managed to turn the tables. He set the frame that this conversation was no longer about him stealing the spot when he did not need it, the conversation was now about me being "rude" or lacking manners.
Is this a sign of manipulative behaviour, or is it a man deflecting since he could not admit that he was wrong?
He knew very well that I was waiting for the spot. I think that the fact that he "stole" the spot so quickly (he must have seen me trying to get the lady away from the spot), and also reacted so quickly in anger, shows that he knew what he did was wrong, and expected a negative response, which he himself prepared to deflect.
It is also funny that he told me to not "Lecture" him, but then he ended up lecturing me.
I think overall it is an interesting social technique, perhaps of manipulative nature.
Example:
Boss: Michael! Where is the god damn report from last week?! It was supposed to be on my desk this morning! What are you doing son?
Michael: I do not like your tone!!! Dont come here and berate me!! The report can be on your desk in 20 minutes, but you should know that screaming at your peers creates distrust and reduces productivity.
Not the greatest example, but quite a fishy technique this.

I don't know what I'm feeling. I have self-isolated and I want to get out.
[Disclaimer ; Going to be a bit long and cringe]
Hi guys,
I am in a weird spot right now. I'm going to give you a summation of the events that led me here
1st GF left me and came back to me (5x) -> We finally break-up -> Met my 2nd girlfriend -> It was fantastic -> 5 months in I discovered that she lied about 95% of everything -> I forgave her -> We lasted for 11 more months -> Over the course of those 11 months, I was already deteriorating but I stayed because I loved her -> She said that she is also unhappy and unfulfilled because of our relationship [LDR] -> I break up with her because she deserves someone better, even though I loved her very much -> Met this girl Liked her for 2 months Formally met each other when our friend group drank together Found out she had a boyfriend Talked as friends They break up We hit it off Do couple things Ex comes back Ghosts me Sleeps with him I ask her if she's going to ghost me again and go back with him She says no-> Christmas break Ghosts me Went through a phase -> Met another girl We hit it off I found out she then slept with another guy hours before meeting up with me -> I left Stalked my "classmate's" Instagram they are now officially together [She and her ex] Try to cut her off We became blockmates We became groupmates Now..I am checkmate -> I try to ignore her, can't as we're always put closer for some reason -> I try to work it out with her -> She does something fckd up [Rinse and repeat x infinity] -> I bit the bullet and reached out again I drove her We talked -> Asked her if she wants us to just keep ignoring each other She says no -> We talk for a couple of days She ghosts me again I see her everyday as not only is she in my class, but we're in the same group -> Now, I am here.
So.. what is "here". Well, I realized that I was being toxic to myself. I have some serious issues. I hated being myself. I hated being alone. I can't open up to my friends and family as I didn't want to burden them, I have longed believed that I should only open to my "partner" about my issues, as I know I am not a burden to her. Ever since I was a fat sixteen-year-old kid, I have always wanted to experience having a girlfriend. Someone for myself. Someone to go on dates with, Someone to take cute pictures with, Someone to hold hands with while walking around/home, someone to cuddle with, Someone to go home to and just cuddle after a long day of school, Someone to take care of me when I'm sick, Someone to rest my head unto when I am tired. Those kinds of things. And though I have had 2 exes, both long-term [1st =13 months & 2nd =16 Months], So even though I have had girlfriends, I never really got to experience having a girlfriend. I was in a relationship with my phone as both of them were LDRs. So when I met my classmate, I thought that it was finally my chance to have something "Easy". To finally experience the things that I have long wanted to experience and in a sense..I did. Little did I know that.. that cute girl with glasses was about to treat me the worst. That's why I kept jumping from one girl to another. Cause I wanted someone to "unload" my issues to. I wanted someone to listen to me and then hug me afterward.
It took me 21 years to realize that.. that was stupid.
I shouldn't depend on other people for my peace and happiness and to fix me. I needed to learn how to be self-sufficient. Yes, I am used to being alone, because of my LDRs, but I was never really okay with it. I just acted like I was because I had no choice.
Now I am trying to be okay with it.
I ghosted everyone. I ignored all of my friends' messages and requests to go out. I want to be content while being alone. That's why the moment we get dismissed from class, I immediately leave so I can be alone. I don't want to hang out with my friends as I don't want to bring the mood down cause I can't be my normal jolly self, and I know as well that .. going out with them is just a bandaid solution. Yes, I'll be happy when I'm with them, but the moment I go home and I am alone.. Everything will rush in and break me. I don't want that. I want to rejoin them when I am fully okay. I don't want to rush into another relationship or girl again, as I don't want a repeat of what happened. I don't want to meet another girl as I will eventually fck it up again by being too volatile and by just acting too fast and just start unloading my baggage.
It has been 2-3 weeks since I last spoke to any of my friends. I have been going out and hanging out by myself for those 2-3 weeks. And.. this is the tricky part.
I seriously have no idea where I am. When I zone out, I don't cry anymore, but I am nowhere near happy. It doesn't hurt as much anymore not because I am doing better, but because I got numb. When I'm alone, I think about my ex and my classmate all the time, but this time it doesn't immediately break me. It just makes my chest tingle a little bit.
To be honest, I am scared. As I don't know how to let people in anymore. I don't know when to go back. A part of me is telling to me to go back now, but a part of me is saying I am not ready. The thing is I don't know when I'll be ready. Here's the thing too, when it's daytime I just distract myself by sleeping and working, and it doesn't feel as painful. Yes, I still get a little "When will I have that ..?" Whenever I see couples around me, but not as painful. But when it's nighttime.. when I no longer have enough energy to work. As I lie on my bed, I realize how "alone" I am as I have no one to end my day with. But the fucked up thing is , during the day I have almost no interest to talk to anyone. I actually don't reply as fast as I used to. Before, I'll reply as soon as I have the chance. Now, i'll reply like 6-10 hours later, not on purpose or anything.. I just don't feel like it, I don't know why [For real tho, can someone explain that..?]/ I want someone to be there for me, but after the past few weeks, I am afraid that they might not have space in my life anymore. Cause to be honest with you, cringe.. but when I'm sitting alone, a part of me wishes that someone would follow me and sit beside me. I've wanted that for years now. But I am slowly smothering that dream out.
I know I can't stay like this. I want to be better. I want to get out.
I just don't know how.
I want to be self-sufficient. I want to be happy and content on my own so when the time comes that I let someone inside again, when they inevitably do something fckd up, I won't hurt as much as I can manage on my own.
I want that.
But I know that I can't stay like this forever, and I don't know if I'm making progress or not. When I'm alone, things don't hurt as much, but when I see my classmate in class.. When I see her texting on her phone as the message I left a week ago remains inboxed I get pissed off. I don't know why. I know this looks like me putting all the blame on my classmate, and yes, she did do the most amount of damage in the smallest window of time. But to be fair, it was my fault as well. As a part of me kinda wanted to use her a way of getting over my issues that I have faced since I was a kid and from my 2 exes. Again, little did I know that Instead of helping me get back on my feet, she'll deal the coupe de grace that will make me kill the past version of myself. She isn't the sole reason as to why I have broken down, but she did do enough damage to kill me 25 times over, She was just the last straw to break the camel's back..but boy what a straw she was.
I still want to have a girlfriend, I still want someone to be there for me when I get home from school. I still want someone to call before I go to sleep, but I know I'm afraid to risk it, cause maybe I am not ready yet and I might rush and fuck it up again, so I shut myself out until I am sure that I am ready. But i know to myself that there's a huge possibility that I'll never be ready and one day I'll be surprised that 2 years have past and I am still in the same spot and I am still alone. This puts me in a loop as shutting myself down also shuts down any chance of me getting one.
See why I am so fckd?
Ugh I'm a mess, but I am not stupid enough to be delusional and think that I can do this on my own. I need some help guys.
sorry for the long entry, Love y'all.

I don't know what I'm feeling. I have self-isolated and I want to get out.
[Disclaimer ; Going to be a bit long and cringe]
Hi guys,
I am in a weird spot right now. I'm going to give you a summation of the events that led me here
1st GF left me and came back to me (5x) -> We finally break-up -> Met my 2nd girlfriend -> It was fantastic -> 5 months in I discovered that she lied about 95% of everything -> I forgave her -> We lasted for 11 more months -> Over the course of those 11 months, I was already deteriorating but I stayed because I loved her -> She said that she is also unhappy and unfulfilled because of our relationship [LDR] -> I break up with her because she deserves someone better, even though I loved her very much -> Met this girl Liked her for 2 months Formally met each other when our friend group drank together Found out she had a boyfriend Talked as friends They break up We hit it off Do couple things Ex comes back Ghosts me Sleeps with him I ask her if she's going to ghost me again and go back with him She says no-> Christmas break Ghosts me Went through a phase -> Met another girl We hit it off I found out she then slept with another guy hours before meeting up with me -> I left Stalked my "classmate's" Instagram they are now officially together [She and her ex] Try to cut her off We became blockmates We became groupmates Now..I am checkmate -> I try to ignore her, can't as we're always put closer for some reason -> I try to work it out with her -> She does something fckd up [Rinse and repeat x infinity] -> I bit the bullet and reached out again I drove her We talked -> Asked her if she wants us to just keep ignoring each other She says no -> We talk for a couple of days She ghosts me again I see her everyday as not only is she in my class, but we're in the same group -> Now, I am here.
So.. what is "here". Well, I realized that I was being toxic to myself. I have some serious issues. I hated being myself. I hated being alone. I can't open up to my friends and family as I didn't want to burden them, I have longed believed that I should only open to my "partner" about my issues, as I know I am not a burden to her. Ever since I was a fat sixteen-year-old kid, I have always wanted to experience having a girlfriend. Someone for myself. Someone to go on dates with, Someone to take cute pictures with, Someone to hold hands with while walking around/home, someone to cuddle with, Someone to go home to and just cuddle after a long day of school, Someone to take care of me when I'm sick, Someone to rest my head unto when I am tired. Those kinds of things. And though I have had 2 exes, both long-term [1st =13 months & 2nd =16 Months], So even though I have had girlfriends, I never really got to experience having a girlfriend. I was in a relationship with my phone as both of them were LDRs. So when I met my classmate, I thought that it was finally my chance to have something "Easy". To finally experience the things that I have long wanted to experience and in a sense..I did. Little did I know that.. that cute girl with glasses was about to treat me the worst. That's why I kept jumping from one girl to another. Cause I wanted someone to "unload" my issues to. I wanted someone to listen to me and then hug me afterward.
It took me 21 years to realize that.. that was stupid.
I shouldn't depend on other people for my peace and happiness and to fix me. I needed to learn how to be self-sufficient. Yes, I am used to being alone, because of my LDRs, but I was never really okay with it. I just acted like I was because I had no choice.
Now I am trying to be okay with it.
I ghosted everyone. I ignored all of my friends' messages and requests to go out. I want to be content while being alone. That's why the moment we get dismissed from class, I immediately leave so I can be alone. I don't want to hang out with my friends as I don't want to bring the mood down cause I can't be my normal jolly self, and I know as well that .. going out with them is just a bandaid solution. Yes, I'll be happy when I'm with them, but the moment I go home and I am alone.. Everything will rush in and break me. I don't want that. I want to rejoin them when I am fully okay. I don't want to rush into another relationship or girl again, as I don't want a repeat of what happened. I don't want to meet another girl as I will eventually fck it up again by being too volatile and by just acting too fast and just start unloading my baggage.
It has been 2-3 weeks since I last spoke to any of my friends. I have been going out and hanging out by myself for those 2-3 weeks. And.. this is the tricky part.
I seriously have no idea where I am. When I zone out, I don't cry anymore, but I am nowhere near happy. It doesn't hurt as much anymore not because I am doing better, but because I got numb. When I'm alone, I think about my ex and my classmate all the time, but this time it doesn't immediately break me. It just makes my chest tingle a little bit.
To be honest, I am scared. As I don't know how to let people in anymore. I don't know when to go back. A part of me is telling to me to go back now, but a part of me is saying I am not ready. The thing is I don't know when I'll be ready. Here's the thing too, when it's daytime I just distract myself by sleeping and working, and it doesn't feel as painful. Yes, I still get a little "When will I have that ..?" Whenever I see couples around me, but not as painful. But when it's nighttime.. when I no longer have enough energy to work. As I lie on my bed, I realize how "alone" I am as I have no one to end my day with. But the fucked up thing is , during the day I have almost no interest to talk to anyone. I actually don't reply as fast as I used to. Before, I'll reply as soon as I have the chance. Now, i'll reply like 6-10 hours later, not on purpose or anything.. I just don't feel like it, I don't know why [For real tho, can someone explain that..?]/ I want someone to be there for me, but after the past few weeks, I am afraid that they might not have space in my life anymore. Cause to be honest with you, cringe.. but when I'm sitting alone, a part of me wishes that someone would follow me and sit beside me. I've wanted that for years now. But I am slowly smothering that dream out.
I know I can't stay like this. I want to be better. I want to get out.
I just don't know how.
I want to be self-sufficient. I want to be happy and content on my own so when the time comes that I let someone inside again, when they inevitably do something fckd up, I won't hurt as much as I can manage on my own.
I want that.
But I know that I can't stay like this forever, and I don't know if I'm making progress or not. When I'm alone, things don't hurt as much, but when I see my classmate in class.. When I see her texting on her phone as the message I left a week ago remains inboxed I get pissed off. I don't know why. I know this looks like me putting all the blame on my classmate, and yes, she did do the most amount of damage in the smallest window of time. But to be fair, it was my fault as well. As a part of me kinda wanted to use her a way of getting over my issues that I have faced since I was a kid and from my 2 exes. Again, little did I know that Instead of helping me get back on my feet, she'll deal the coupe de grace that will make me kill the past version of myself. She isn't the sole reason as to why I have broken down, but she did do enough damage to kill me 25 times over, She was just the last straw to break the camel's back..but boy what a straw she was.
I still want to have a girlfriend, I still want someone to be there for me when I get home from school. I still want someone to call before I go to sleep, but I know I'm afraid to risk it, cause maybe I am not ready yet and I might rush and fuck it up again, so I shut myself out until I am sure that I am ready. But i know to myself that there's a huge possibility that I'll never be ready and one day I'll be surprised that 2 years have past and I am still in the same spot and I am still alone. This puts me in a loop as shutting myself down also shuts down any chance of me getting one.
See why I am so fckd?
Ugh I'm a mess, but I am not stupid enough to be delusional and think that I can do this on my own. I need some help guys.
sorry for the long entry, Love y'all.

I don't know what I'm feeling. I have self-isolated and I want to get out.
[Disclaimer ; Going to be a bit long and cringe]
Hi guys,
I am in a weird spot right now. I'm going to give you a summation of the events that led me here
1st GF left me and came back to me (5x) -> We finally break-up -> Met my 2nd girlfriend -> It was fantastic -> 5 months in I discovered that she lied about 95% of everything -> I forgave her -> We lasted for 11 more months -> Over the course of those 11 months, I was already deteriorating but I stayed because I loved her -> She said that she is also unhappy and unfulfilled because of our relationship [LDR] -> I break up with her because she deserves someone better, even though I loved her very much -> Met this girl Liked her for 2 months Formally met each other when our friend group drank together Found out she had a boyfriend Talked as friends They break up We hit it off Do couple things Ex comes back Ghosts me Sleeps with him I ask her if she's going to ghost me again and go back with him She says no-> Christmas break Ghosts me Went through a phase -> Met another girl We hit it off I found out she then slept with another guy hours before meeting up with me -> I left Stalked my "classmate's" Instagram they are now officially together [She and her ex] Try to cut her off We became blockmates We became groupmates Now..I am checkmate -> I try to ignore her, can't as we're always put closer for some reason -> I try to work it out with her -> She does something fckd up [Rinse and repeat x infinity] -> I bit the bullet and reached out again I drove her We talked -> Asked her if she wants us to just keep ignoring each other She says no -> We talk for a couple of days She ghosts me again I see her everyday as not only is she in my class, but we're in the same group -> Now, I am here.
So.. what is "here". Well, I realized that I was being toxic to myself. I have some serious issues. I hated being myself. I hated being alone. I can't open up to my friends and family as I didn't want to burden them, I have longed believed that I should only open to my "partner" about my issues, as I know I am not a burden to her. Ever since I was a fat sixteen-year-old kid, I have always wanted to experience having a girlfriend. Someone for myself. Someone to go on dates with, Someone to take cute pictures with, Someone to hold hands with while walking around/home, someone to cuddle with, Someone to go home to and just cuddle after a long day of school, Someone to take care of me when I'm sick, Someone to rest my head unto when I am tired. Those kinds of things. And though I have had 2 exes, both long-term [1st =13 months & 2nd =16 Months], So even though I have had girlfriends, I never really got to experience having a girlfriend. I was in a relationship with my phone as both of them were LDRs. So when I met my classmate, I thought that it was finally my chance to have something "Easy". To finally experience the things that I have long wanted to experience and in a sense..I did. Little did I know that.. that cute girl with glasses was about to treat me the worst. That's why I kept jumping from one girl to another. Cause I wanted someone to "unload" my issues to. I wanted someone to listen to me and then hug me afterward.
It took me 21 years to realize that.. that was stupid.
I shouldn't depend on other people for my peace and happiness and to fix me. I needed to learn how to be self-sufficient. Yes, I am used to being alone, because of my LDRs, but I was never really okay with it. I just acted like I was because I had no choice.
Now I am trying to be okay with it.
I ghosted everyone. I ignored all of my friends' messages and requests to go out. I want to be content while being alone. That's why the moment we get dismissed from class, I immediately leave so I can be alone. I don't want to hang out with my friends as I don't want to bring the mood down cause I can't be my normal jolly self, and I know as well that .. going out with them is just a bandaid solution. Yes, I'll be happy when I'm with them, but the moment I go home and I am alone.. Everything will rush in and break me. I don't want that. I want to rejoin them when I am fully okay. I don't want to rush into another relationship or girl again, as I don't want a repeat of what happened. I don't want to meet another girl as I will eventually fck it up again by being too volatile and by just acting too fast and just start unloading my baggage.
It has been 2-3 weeks since I last spoke to any of my friends. I have been going out and hanging out by myself for those 2-3 weeks. And.. this is the tricky part.
I seriously have no idea where I am. When I zone out, I don't cry anymore, but I am nowhere near happy. It doesn't hurt as much anymore not because I am doing better, but because I got numb. When I'm alone, I think about my ex and my classmate all the time, but this time it doesn't immediately break me. It just makes my chest tingle a little bit.
To be honest, I am scared. As I don't know how to let people in anymore. I don't know when to go back. A part of me is telling to me to go back now, but a part of me is saying I am not ready. The thing is I don't know when I'll be ready. Here's the thing too, when it's daytime I just distract myself by sleeping and working, and it doesn't feel as painful. Yes, I still get a little "When will I have that ..?" Whenever I see couples around me, but not as painful. But when it's nighttime.. when I no longer have enough energy to work. As I lie on my bed, I realize how "alone" I am as I have no one to end my day with. But the fucked up thing is , during the day I have almost no interest to talk to anyone. I actually don't reply as fast as I used to. Before, I'll reply as soon as I have the chance. Now, i'll reply like 6-10 hours later, not on purpose or anything.. I just don't feel like it, I don't know why [For real tho, can someone explain that..?]/ I want someone to be there for me, but after the past few weeks, I am afraid that they might not have space in my life anymore. Cause to be honest with you, cringe.. but when I'm sitting alone, a part of me wishes that someone would follow me and sit beside me. I've wanted that for years now. But I am slowly smothering that dream out.
I know I can't stay like this. I want to be better. I want to get out.
I just don't know how.
I want to be self-sufficient. I want to be happy and content on my own so when the time comes that I let someone inside again, when they inevitably do something fckd up, I won't hurt as much as I can manage on my own.
I want that.
But I know that I can't stay like this forever, and I don't know if I'm making progress or not. When I'm alone, things don't hurt as much, but when I see my classmate in class.. When I see her texting on her phone as the message I left a week ago remains inboxed I get pissed off. I don't know why. I know this looks like me putting all the blame on my classmate, and yes, she did do the most amount of damage in the smallest window of time. But to be fair, it was my fault as well. As a part of me kinda wanted to use her a way of getting over my issues that I have faced since I was a kid and from my 2 exes. Again, little did I know that Instead of helping me get back on my feet, she'll deal the coupe de grace that will make me kill the past version of myself. She isn't the sole reason as to why I have broken down, but she did do enough damage to kill me 25 times over, She was just the last straw to break the camel's back..but boy what a straw she was.
I still want to have a girlfriend, I still want someone to be there for me when I get home from school. I still want someone to call before I go to sleep, but I know I'm afraid to risk it, cause maybe I am not ready yet and I might rush and fuck it up again, so I shut myself out until I am sure that I am ready. But i know to myself that there's a huge possibility that I'll never be ready and one day I'll be surprised that 2 years have past and I am still in the same spot and I am still alone. This puts me in a loop as shutting myself down also shuts down any chance of me getting one.
See why I am so fckd?
Ugh I'm a mess, but I am not stupid enough to be delusional and think that I can do this on my own. I need some help guys.
sorry for the long entry, Love y'all.

I don't know what I'm feeling. I have self-isolated and I want to get out.
[Disclaimer ; Going to be a bit long and cringe]
Hi guys,
I am in a weird spot right now. I'm going to give you a summation of the events that led me here
1st GF left me and came back to me (5x) -> We finally break-up -> Met my 2nd girlfriend -> It was fantastic -> 5 months in I discovered that she lied about 95% of everything -> I forgave her -> We lasted for 11 more months -> Over the course of those 11 months, I was already deteriorating but I stayed because I loved her -> She said that she is also unhappy and unfulfilled because of our relationship [LDR] -> I break up with her because she deserves someone better, even though I loved her very much -> Met this girl Liked her for 2 months Formally met each other when our friend group drank together Found out she had a boyfriend Talked as friends They break up We hit it off Do couple things Ex comes back Ghosts me Sleeps with him I ask her if she's going to ghost me again and go back with him She says no-> Christmas break Ghosts me Went through a phase -> Met another girl We hit it off I found out she then slept with another guy hours before meeting up with me -> I left Stalked my "classmate's" Instagram they are now officially together [She and her ex] Try to cut her off We became blockmates We became groupmates Now..I am checkmate -> I try to ignore her, can't as we're always put closer for some reason -> I try to work it out with her -> She does something fckd up [Rinse and repeat x infinity] -> I bit the bullet and reached out again I drove her We talked -> Asked her if she wants us to just keep ignoring each other She says no -> We talk for a couple of days She ghosts me again I see her everyday as not only is she in my class, but we're in the same group -> Now, I am here.
So.. what is "here". Well, I realized that I was being toxic to myself. I have some serious issues. I hated being myself. I hated being alone. I can't open up to my friends and family as I didn't want to burden them, I have longed believed that I should only open to my "partner" about my issues, as I know I am not a burden to her. Ever since I was a fat sixteen-year-old kid, I have always wanted to experience having a girlfriend. Someone for myself. Someone to go on dates with, Someone to take cute pictures with, Someone to hold hands with while walking around/home, someone to cuddle with, Someone to go home to and just cuddle after a long day of school, Someone to take care of me when I'm sick, Someone to rest my head unto when I am tired. Those kinds of things. And though I have had 2 exes, both long-term [1st =13 months & 2nd =16 Months], So even though I have had girlfriends, I never really got to experience having a girlfriend. I was in a relationship with my phone as both of them were LDRs. So when I met my classmate, I thought that it was finally my chance to have something "Easy". To finally experience the things that I have long wanted to experience and in a sense..I did. Little did I know that.. that cute girl with glasses was about to treat me the worst. That's why I kept jumping from one girl to another. Cause I wanted someone to "unload" my issues to. I wanted someone to listen to me and then hug me afterward.
It took me 21 years to realize that.. that was stupid.
I shouldn't depend on other people for my peace and happiness and to fix me. I needed to learn how to be self-sufficient. Yes, I am used to being alone, because of my LDRs, but I was never really okay with it. I just acted like I was because I had no choice.
Now I am trying to be okay with it.
I ghosted everyone. I ignored all of my friends' messages and requests to go out. I want to be content while being alone. That's why the moment we get dismissed from class, I immediately leave so I can be alone. I don't want to hang out with my friends as I don't want to bring the mood down cause I can't be my normal jolly self, and I know as well that .. going out with them is just a bandaid solution. Yes, I'll be happy when I'm with them, but the moment I go home and I am alone.. Everything will rush in and break me. I don't want that. I want to rejoin them when I am fully okay. I don't want to rush into another relationship or girl again, as I don't want a repeat of what happened. I don't want to meet another girl as I will eventually fck it up again by being too volatile and by just acting too fast and just start unloading my baggage.
It has been 2-3 weeks since I last spoke to any of my friends. I have been going out and hanging out by myself for those 2-3 weeks. And.. this is the tricky part.
I seriously have no idea where I am. When I zone out, I don't cry anymore, but I am nowhere near happy. It doesn't hurt as much anymore not because I am doing better, but because I got numb. When I'm alone, I think about my ex and my classmate all the time, but this time it doesn't immediately break me. It just makes my chest tingle a little bit.
To be honest, I am scared. As I don't know how to let people in anymore. I don't know when to go back. A part of me is telling to me to go back now, but a part of me is saying I am not ready. The thing is I don't know when I'll be ready. Here's the thing too, when it's daytime I just distract myself by sleeping and working, and it doesn't feel as painful. Yes, I still get a little "When will I have that ..?" Whenever I see couples around me, but not as painful. But when it's nighttime.. when I no longer have enough energy to work. As I lie on my bed, I realize how "alone" I am as I have no one to end my day with. But the fucked up thing is , during the day I have almost no interest to talk to anyone. I actually don't reply as fast as I used to. Before, I'll reply as soon as I have the chance. Now, i'll reply like 6-10 hours later, not on purpose or anything.. I just don't feel like it, I don't know why [For real tho, can someone explain that..?]/ I want someone to be there for me, but after the past few weeks, I am afraid that they might not have space in my life anymore. Cause to be honest with you, cringe.. but when I'm sitting alone, a part of me wishes that someone would follow me and sit beside me. I've wanted that for years now. But I am slowly smothering that dream out.
I know I can't stay like this. I want to be better. I want to get out.
I just don't know how.
I want to be self-sufficient. I want to be happy and content on my own so when the time comes that I let someone inside again, when they inevitably do something fckd up, I won't hurt as much as I can manage on my own.
I want that.
But I know that I can't stay like this forever, and I don't know if I'm making progress or not. When I'm alone, things don't hurt as much, but when I see my classmate in class.. When I see her texting on her phone as the message I left a week ago remains inboxed I get pissed off. I don't know why. I know this looks like me putting all the blame on my classmate, and yes, she did do the most amount of damage in the smallest window of time. But to be fair, it was my fault as well. As a part of me kinda wanted to use her a way of getting over my issues that I have faced since I was a kid and from my 2 exes. Again, little did I know that Instead of helping me get back on my feet, she'll deal the coupe de grace that will make me kill the past version of myself. She isn't the sole reason as to why I have broken down, but she did do enough damage to kill me 25 times over, She was just the last straw to break the camel's back..but boy what a straw she was.
I still want to have a girlfriend, I still want someone to be there for me when I get home from school. I still want someone to call before I go to sleep, but I know I'm afraid to risk it, cause maybe I am not ready yet and I might rush and fuck it up again, so I shut myself out until I am sure that I am ready. But i know to myself that there's a huge possibility that I'll never be ready and one day I'll be surprised that 2 years have past and I am still in the same spot and I am still alone. This puts me in a loop as shutting myself down also shuts down any chance of me getting one.
See why I am so fckd?
Ugh I'm a mess, but I am not stupid enough to be delusional and think that I can do this on my own. I need some help guys.
sorry for the long entry, Love y'all.

Previous Part
I grabbed the back pack Bianca had left in the kitchen and waited in the living room. I had no idea what she was packing for but after this morning I wasn’t going up there to check. I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to ask Tuck yet. I wanted him to tell me he was a werewolf himself, that seemed like pretty important information just on the basis of trust. But I also wanted to know why he was really out by the mine yesterday. His story didn’t add up and there’s no way he knew we would be up there, I think that was just a coincidence. As I was trying to come up with exactly how I wanted to broach the question to Tuck, Frank put a hand on my shoulder. He was wearing his lab coat so I guessed he just came up from the basement. The hairnet he always seemed to wear when he was working was in its usual spot. I suppose he wore it to protect the memory of hair that was once on his head. He looked solemn and a little sick as he turned to me.
“Keep her out of trouble will you? I know we haven’t always been the best to her and I’m sure Stein and I don’t really give her the help she needs. But she’s like the daughter I never had time to have, I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to her.”
“Frank, you probably do more than you know for her. Did she ever talk about her family with you?”
“Very briefly throughout the years, I don’t know if she’s told you much or anything for that matter. It… it certainly wasn’t easy for her growing up and it never got easier.”
“I’ll do my best to keep her out of trouble. If she does end up following me into… whatever this trial ends up being just promise me you’ll have a way to get her out. Some kind of contingency, I can fend for myself but I’ve seen her just shut down before. Like yesterday in the caves someone grabbed her and she lashed out and just… wasn’t herself. She just froze and I don’t want that to happen anywhere near Shaoni.”
“I’ll work on something but I can’t promise that. Like Stein said we’re scientists, we don’t really do field work like that. If I do come up with something you’ll be the first to know. I’m glad she ran into you when she did Keith, she could really use a friend.”
With that Frank walked away, back towards the kitchen and into the basement.
It wasn’t long after that when I heard Bianca coming down the stairs asking if anyone had seen her toothbrush. At which point Rocco appeared in front of me from god knows where holding a suspicious disassembled toothbrush.
“Not. A. Word. Kid.”
Rocco growled at me as he scampered out the door behind me.
“I have a couple that I packed for the trip here from Wisconsin I can just give you one of those.”
I called to Bianca. Partially because I wanted to get a move on and partially because I wanted no part in whatever Rocco was getting up to. If there was one supernatural thing about this town it was that raccoon’s knack for mischief. I get that’s what raccoons are known for but seriously, Rocco was on another level. Bianca reluctantly agreed to take one of the travel tooth brushes I had back at my house. I wasn’t even going to ask why she packed a duffle bag to go a few hundred feet into town and back again.
“Come on we’ll take the bikes again.”
Bianca said as she made her way behind the house.
“I’m telling you they’re going to give me tetanus one of these days but sure. Lets just stop at my place first, I want to drop off this backpack you took yesterday first.”
Bianca was still wearing the ratty jeans she’d taken from me yesterday and at this point I just figured she could have them. I really wasn’t about to get into an argument as to why she should take my pants off and… ugh even saying it is just… no. Those were hers now as far as I was concerned.
We rode over to my house through the crisp autumn afternoon. The trees along the street were finally being to change color, it looked like a scene from a postcard. One of those one’s of the idyllic towns that could’ve come straight out of a hallmark movie. I had to give it to Eagles Peak, it may by turning into a den of vipers for me minute by minute but it sure could be beautiful, in it’s own isolated kind of way.
“Wow its very… small.”
Bianca commented as she stepped into my house and looked around.
“Yeah not everyone has a blank check from two different governments like Stein.”
“I didn’t mean li…”
“It’s ok I know what you meant, its different.”
I said cutting her off before she had the chance to apologize. I dropped off the backpack in my room and rooted around in the one duffle bag I still hadn’t unpacked from my trip here. I found the toothbrush without to much trouble and walked into the living room to give it to Bianca only to find her unpacking on the couch.
“What’s going on here, are you moving in?”
I joked, not expecting the answer I was about to get.
“Yeah, kind of hard to keep an eye on you from my house. I suppose I could from the top floor but if we’re working against Shaoni that doesn’t seem like a great idea. She’s got that whole thing with lighting and I get the sense her being angry at you while your up in the air isn’t a great combination.”
Bianca said, unpacking a blanket like she wasn’t just inserting herself into my house.
“WHAT?”
I shouted, maybe a little too loud.
“Is there a problem?I thought you wanted me looking out for you, this is me, doing that.”
She said looking up at me with puppy dog eyes. You’ve got to understand, those eyes coming from someone like Bianca, glowing or otherwise, well you just can’t say no to that. When it’s Bianca you really can’t say no. She can just take that option away in an instant but again she didn’t for me, it was still my choice.
“I.. sure but you can have my bed. We’ll get everything set up once we get back from the Roost. You did tell Frank and Stein about this right?”
I gave in, deciding to let her stay.
“I’m a big girl, they doin’t need to know everything I do, and… thanks”
“It’s alright, just let me know next time you’re going to pull something like this ok?”
I added, equal parts excited to actually have someone to talk to besides myself in my own home, and worried what Frank and Stein might think was going on here. I put those thoughts out of my head for the moment as we got back on the bikes.
It was about 3 by the time we made it to Tuck’s bar after the delay Bianca had caused by moving herself out before we left. Just as I expected the sign said closed but the door was unlocked. The bar looked exactly the same as the last time I was there. Stone fireplace roaring and pristine wooden floor looking like it had been polished just this morning. Tuck was sitting behind the bar looking worse for wear. The look on his face said he knew we were coming and he wasn’t to thrilled about it.
“Does he know?”
Tuck asked pointedly, looking straight through me and speaking to Bianca.
“About me or you, because the answer is both of us.”
Tuck shook his head at this and a grim look came over him.
“Ya shouldn’t have pulled him into this.”
“Actually I pulled her into it if anything, going out there was my idea. I’ve got a mark like Robert’s, its actually what brought me to town in the first place.”
I said, hoping my honesty would get the same out of Tuck.
“So that bird called ya out here somehow?”
“More or less, but that’s not what I’m here about. I want to know why exactly you followed us out there yesterday.”
Tuck sighed and gestured to the seats at the bar, beckoning Bianca and I to take a seat.
“When Robert chased ya out the other night some of his friends came by. They all got that mark like him, they were sayin’ something about the thunderbird makin’ an appearance back at the old mine. I wanted to see for myself and make sure they were wrong. I found those bikes and ended up followin’ the trail. By the time I got there some guys were poking around that hole in the wall and a storm had kicked up. I saw them cut that rope and figured they weren’t doin’ no good. I… changed and dealt with them then forced my way into the old mine entrance, the rest ya already know cause I ran into ya not long after.”
This story made more sense to me, Tuck never came out there to find me, I just so happened to be out there. Those boulders I thought were moved had been, by Tuck which made me question just how strong he was. Each of those huge things had to weigh tons and there were three strewn about the entrance.
“Ok that makes more sense than what you told me, but what were you hoping to accomplish up there. If you ran into the thunderbird what would you have done?”
“I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t really up there again but the storm seemed to say otherwise. No storm like that just pops up and goes away, the bird had to be involved with that.”
“Actually she was there, just not as some huge bird. She was down in the caves with us but she looked human, native American to be more precise. That’s how I met her when I got marked and now she’s holding some kind of trial out in those mines.”
“You met the thunderbird, its a person? What does she want with this place now.”
Tuck said his demeanor changing into one full of concern. I didn’t know what else to say cause at the moment I didn’t actually know much more than that. It’s infuriating, this being in the dark thing. I just settled for dodging the question.
“Not to change the topic but are we to early to grab a bite to eat?”
I wish I had a camera handy because the face Tuck made at that whiplash change of topics was priceless. I can’t properly do it justice with words. Suffice it to say one of his eyebrows hit the ceiling while the other hit the floor and a violently confused expression plastered his face.
“Sure I guess, what do the two of ya want!”
Tuck exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air and walking back behind the counter. I ended up ordering some fried chicken sandwich with bacon and pickles, and as I took the first bite my risk of heart attack increased ten fold. Bianca ordered the same thing and was pecking at it inquisitively when I asked,
“So what’s the story with Rocco?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean why, why did Frank and Stein make him in the first place?”
I asked through a mouthful of greasy goodness.
“Well I think it started out as a joke, then Stein actually wanted an assistant and that joke became Rocco. They worked on him for a while, pretty much they took a random raccoon off the street and played around in its head. I know there was some gene splicing involved but if you want to know how they did it ask them.”
“So he was supposed to be an assistant in the lab? I think I’ve seen him doing one thing to help them out this whole time and he was poking through a back alley for old batteries.”
“Yeah, he’s not a great assistant, must be good enough though cause they haven’t tossed him out.”
“Are you kidding me! If they tossed him out he be so much worse! Just think, Rocco left to his own devices without any supervision.”
Both of us shuddered at the thought, if he was bad now he’d be a menace to society without the little control we had over him.
Bianca and I ate and eventually Tuck came out and I told him my story about Imalone. He seemed really concerned at the fact that the thunderbird could be walking around town and he wouldn’t know about it. I assured him that Shaoni was really hard to miss if you just looked at the eyes. It wasn’t like she looked any different either, no matter what she was wearing those tattoos would be a dead giveaway. Tuck assured me he was going to keep an eye out and gave me his number to call if I saw her. I don’t want to talk down on Bianca, but something about having a werewolf looking out for me as well was reassuring. Tuck told us a bit about what he was doing with Frank and Stein too. Apparently he contracted his “disease” as he called it long before he came to work in Eagles Peak. He was originally from Louisiana and moved to New York for a change of scenery and ended up getting a job in the mines here around 1940. I should also mention Tuck ages very slowly due to his “disease” so he looks like he’s in his 50’s or so but he was born in 1900. To his credit you’d never know he was anything other than your friendly middle aged bartender.
Bianca and I were getting ready to leave as it came time to open the bar for real. When Tuck offered us a round of drinks on the house.
“No, no that’s alright Tuck, you’ve done enough for us we’ll see you later.”
Bianca politely declined, pulling me towards the door. After I said my goodbyes and we had gotten back to the bikes I asked Bianca,
“Do you not drink? I’m not judging just… when Tuck offered you seemed kind of jumpy.”
“I just never have, I was kind of bouncing around the country when I turned 21 so I just never started.”
“So your telling me you never had your first drink? Well, we have to fix that then.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, its like a right of passage where I’m from. We’ll pick up a six pack or something on the way back but we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”
I said, trying to convince her. I’m not a huge drinker but I am from Wisconsin, alcohol is a way of life out there and we’re know for our beer. In my family turning 21 and having your first drink is cause to bring the whole family together. I couldn’t do that for her but I could at least give her the experience, maybe give her just one more good thing to remember.
Bianca agreed and we pulled into the Save-A-Lot just outside town. The building was painted white bit it was slowly peeling away revealing a concrete grey underneath. The big glowing sign was missing a few letters now simply reading Sav- -Lo. Despite its decaying state it still had the classic beer cave inside. I took a second to look for something from Wisconsin, call me a snob but we do beer right. I settled on a 12 pack of Leinenkugel, that was close enough to home for me. Bianca trailed behind me in the store, a bit like a scared cat looking for a place to hide. Obviously she didn’t get out much and having people she didn’t really know much about was stressing her out somewhat. We got to the checkout and an older cashier eyed my suspiciously.
“Can I see an ID”
She croaked in a hoarse smokey voice. Now I don’t always look my age but I’m 28 there was no reason to try and ID me. That didn’t really bother me so much as the fact that my wallet was still at home. I’ve been spending the cash Bianca gave me back when I watched her house and I just keep that in my pocket. I also have a bad habit of only brining my wallet when I knew I would need it instead of carrying it on me. Regardless I started to sweat a little as I tried to explain the situation.
“You see I would but I left mine at home and I’m not sure if…”
I was cut off by Bianca reaching out and brushing the cashier’s hand Then looking her straight in the eye. I knew exactly what she was doing.
“Look we don’t have an ID for you right now can you just take it on faith?”
“I understand sweetie, here why don’t I cover it for you, my treat.”
The cashier said, turning a complete 180 on her previous question. I looked from Bianca to the old woman a few times before Bianca finally shrugged.
“What?”
I wondered if it was that easy for her to change my mind back when she manipulated me into watching the house.
“So she just payed for it?”
I asked Bianca as we walked back to the bikes.
“That was her, not that I couldn’t make her do that. As far as I can work out, if I suggest something people tend to do it. Over the years I learned how to control that to the point where I’m only able to do it when I want to. Frank said it has something to do with pheromones in my breath or something like that.”
Bianca explained, hoping onto her bike and keeping pace with me back towards my house. I didn’t ask for an explanation but she gave it. I’m not really sure pheromones were something that could have that profound of an effect on someone but I’d just add it to the list of questions I’d have to ask Frank or Stein at some point.
“Still it was a bit weird seeing it from the outside. Was I that easy to convince before?”
Bianca got a mischievous look in her eye.
“Oh, you were so much easier, I barley needed to try. Just flip my hair and flutter my eyes a few times and that was that.”
She said, smiling devilishly at me. I blushed a little bit, partly because that’s probably all it would’ve taken from someone who looked like her and partly because I was embarrassed that she might not just be poking fun at me.
“No you definitely did something to me, I lost like 6 hours in your kitchen! That was you right…right?!”
I asked a little nervous. Bianca just laughed and pedaled off ahead of me. She did not put my mind at ease with any sort of answer but she did beat me back to the house.
When I got in She was sitting on the couch sorting through a pile of movies she pulled out of her duffle bag. She really had just thrown the entire contents of her room into a bag and brought them over. Bianca seemed to settle on a movie before she realized I’d walked in.
“So you like horror?”
I said, gesturing to the same movies I’d seen lying out earlier when I watched her house.
“Yeah, I just like seeing how people think all these things act. Like Tuck, werewolves are always looked at as these big imposing things in movies but he’s a puppy in comparison.”
“The guy looks like he could tear me apart down the middle with his bare hands buuuut, I see your point.”
Thinking back to every interaction I’d had with the guy so far, he never really was as scary as he looked. I sat down on the couch, dropping the case of beer on the coffee table.
“So, have you picked out a movie yet?”
To which Bianca closed her eyes and poked at a random movie in the pile. “Dog Soldiers”, it was called, actually I think I’ve heard of that movie before. One of those its so bad its entertaining things. I popped the movie into my DVD player and sat back, handing Bianca a beer.
“ Is this how normal people feel?”
She asked as the movie started.
“Depends on what you mean by normal, even then I’m not sure that’s the question I’d be asking. Maybe you just finally have a chance to relax after years of never being able to.”
“Oh sure, I’ll just relax now that I know we have the actual thunderbird looking to force you into some kind of trial.”
Bianca joked sarcastically before suddenly softening and taking a sip of her beer.
“Uggg that’s bitter… but not bad. Maybe your onto something Kieth.”
I don’t remember much from the movie. One scene stuck with me, a guy trying to fist fight a werewolf. It was already campy but the effects on the werewolf were just dated enough to make it that much funnier. Bianca and I couldn’t help but to Imagine Tuck as the werewolf, bewildered as to why this scrawny thing thought it could fight him. At some point the beer ran out, Bianca and I making it through the whole case. I remember getting up to go to my own room and Bianca pulling me back. What I didn’t remember though was letting Shaoni into my house. I was woken up by a tap on my shoulder, coming face to face with her. Shaoni’s hand was on one shoulder and Bianca’s head was on the other. At some point we both feel asleep on the couch together, the TV was still on, illuminating the dark room.
“Well well, I wasn’t expecting you to have guests Keith.”
Shaoni mocked, clicking her tongue at me as she finished. She wore the same white night dress I’d seen her in before. Something in the house was open, a window, a door? I didn’t know but the smells of an autumn rainstorm blew into the house, a storm no doubt caused by Shaoni.
“I… its not what it looks like.”
I stammered out, embarrassed to be caught like this.
“I don’t care what you get up to in your free time Keith. I just came to tell you I’ll expect you at the mine tomorrow, The trials will be starting soon and I want everyone who will be participating to meet each other, you will be participating, won’t you Keith?”
She asked like it was a question but it really wasn’t, wether I liked it or not I was going to be there, I could come willingly or kicking and screaming. She was simply asking which I wanted it to be.
“When do you want me there?”
“Oh don’t worry about that, I’ll send someone to collect you around noon.”
With that she turned to walk away, but I wasn’t done with her yet.
“Wait! What exactly are these trials, what am I going to be doing out there?”
“That would spoil the surprise Keith, be patient, you’ll know in time. That pretty little thing there, her name wouldn’t happen to be Bianca, would it?”
Shaoni asked, pointing at Bianca who was still asleep on my shoulder.
“How did you know that?”
I shot back, immediately jumping to Bianca’s defense. I hadn’t known her all that long true, but I didn’t want her any closer to this than she had to be.
“Oh no reason.”
Shaoni said with a snicker that sounded more like a hiss. With that she disappeared, and I mean she was just gone. One minute she was there the next there was a gust of wind and a brief flash of light and she was gone. The disruption was enough to wake Bianca up finally.
“Ugh, head..still…spinning.”
“Heh, I think you overdid it a bit last night.”
“Ugh maybe.”
She said, holding her head that still rested on my shoulder.
“What’s going on anyway, why’d you wake me up.”
“It’s just… well things are moving a bit faster than I hoped.”
I said, trying to reassure her that it was nothing, most likely failing miserably but she didn’t seem to notice. There was a second there that I thought maybe things could just be normal. This whole thing would just blow over and Shaoni would never come back and get me for these “trials” but I always knew it was wishful thinking. Now Bianca was a part of it to somehow, that had made up my mind. She’d been through enough, now Shaoni seemed interested in her all of a sudden. If putting myself through these trials kept her away from Bianca that’s exactly what I’d do.

Previous part
I stood in my doorway, frozen to the spot as Shaoni walked past me, into my house.
“Weren’t you going to invite me in?”
Shaoni cooed at me, somehow making the arbitrary question sound like a threat.
“I uh… what can I get you.”
I stammered out, automatically reverting to subservient. I know it sounds bad but when you’ve seen what I’ve seen her do you listen first, ask questions later.
“Is water alright? It’s all I’ve got since I only just moved here because… well I guess you know why already.”
I said, wanting to keep the orange juice I was currently hiding behind me in the fridge for myself.
“The visions? Yes I do know about them. It’s what drew all of you here, just like I wanted. Though you weren’t supposed to see the stage yet, none of you were.”
She said, narrowing her eyes at me, presumably because of my earlier expedition into the mine.
“Why do you keep saying “you” like there’s more than one of me?”
I asked, finally working up the confidence to question her.
“Because there is, do you really think you’re the only one I marked? Keith your a special case yes, but not that special.”
“Special case? What do you..”
“If you let me finish I’m getting to that.”
Shaoni cracked back at me, I could feel the pressure in the room rise with her temper.
“Sorry ma’am… it just slipped out.”
She seemed to find my knee-jerk formal apology amusing and the pressure in the room returned to normal.
“I offered several people the same deal I offered you, most accepted. These are the others I refer to, all of which are here or on their way here now. That’s what the dreams, visions, whatever you’d like to call them, were for.”
“So you wanted us here, all together in this one specific town, why?”
“The trials of course, if you remember you agreed to take a burden from me. I guess I would describe it more accurately as a gift but it has become a burden for me.”
“What is it?”
“Now where’s the fun in telling you now? Besides your smart enough, I’m sure you’ll figure it out on your own.”
She answered, smiling devilishly at me and sending little pin pricks of ice down my spine. I let the conversation fall silent for a bit, watching Shaoni sip absentmindedly at the glass of water I’d given her before I asked another question.
“So what exactly are these trials for?”
“I want to use them as a selection process, it separates the wheat from the chaff as the saying goes. Only one of you will take on my burden and I want to make sure its the right one.”
“Ok, that makes sense but I’ve still got one more thing. Why did you say I was special before?”
I inquired, as Shaoni got up and started to leave.
“Well, because this is all new to you, you have no idea of the forces really at play in the world, the “supernatural” is what you’d call it. You’re at a particular disadvantage because you didn’t know what you were getting into so I figured I’d help out of the kindness of my heart. In addition to that, many of those I’ve chosen came from my own followers. You are one of the few I found on my travels that accepted my deal. I believe in keeping things fair, and so I came to warn you of what’s to come.”
Shaoni told me as she walked out the door without so much as a goodbye. The storm that had been brewing outside left with her, dropping bits of cracked branches and loose leaves to the ground as she got further and further away. I finally realized I was still standing at my front door, glued in place watching her. Once I closed and locked the door I heard a shrill screech pierce the night as Shaoni shed her human appearance and took to the skies as I saw a single shiny grey feather flutter to the ground.
I didn’t get much sleep that night, I didn’t even try. After something like Shaoni waltzing into my home like she owned the place and telling me I’m about to be part of some kind of “trials”, I just gave up on sleep that night. What I was worried about more than anything was the fact that I didn’t have a choice. Sure, she had never said that out right but if she showed up to tell me the trials were starting and I said no, that wouldn’t go well. I’d probably end up like those men in Imalone, just ashes on the wind. There was something she wasn’t saying as well. Shaoni wanted to flaunt that there was some sort of reward at the end of this, that the whole process would help her select a “worthy candidate”. But the reward was also the burden I had agreed to take. If whatever it was was something she wanted to get rid of why would anyone look at it as a reward? Something just wasn’t adding up in my head so I decided not to think about it for a bit. I instead I threw on some clothes as the sun finally rose and made my way over to Bianca’s house to pick up my backpack that she still had.
“Hey there Frank. Where’s Stein I wanted to ask how that research was coming, and has anyone seen Bianca?”
I said as soon as I’d walked in the front door. Rocco was eating something out of a bowl on the counter top and shot to attention as he saw me.
“What do you just live here now?”
He remarked, whirling around to face me. Frank looked up from the paper he’d been reading at the counter and gave me a half hearted wave.
“Stein’s in the basement testing a few samples of thunderbird feathers Tuck brought in.”
“You know Tuck? The mountain that just so happens to run a bar in town, that Tuck?”
“Yes of course, he’s helped us immensely with developing a suppressant for lycanthropy.”
“I… we’ll unpack that one later I guess but I’ve got too find Bianca first, she still has something of mine. Let Stein know I’m looking for him if he comes back up.”
I told Frank as he nodded in acknowledgment and I made my way over to the stairs leading up to the second floor.
“Oh god dammit, I just got that!”
I yelled to no-one in particular as I knocked on Bianca’s bedroom door. I heard a crash behind it as Bianca came flying towards me, throwing open the door and almost smacking me in the process.
“What the hell is going on why are you here! And what did you just get?!”
She belted out at me, apparently startled by my outburst. She had a long loose t-shirt on and maybe something on underneath that, I wasn’t going to check. I must’ve turned crab red as I saw her but it didn’t stop me from telling her what I just pieced together.
“Their names, Frank and Stein, Frankenstein. They did that on purpose didn’t they? I can’t believe I didn’t pick up on that sooner!”
“What are you… oooh, OOOH! I’ve been around them how many years and I’m just picking up on that too.”
She said, sounding a little disappointed and smacking herself in the head with the palm of her hand.
“So what’re you doing here anyways Keith?”
“You still have my backpack from yesterday and I could use that back.”
“Oh sure I forgot about that, come in.”
She said holding open the door for me and causing her shirt to hike up a bit, She did not in fact have anything other than what you’d expect on under it.
“Ummm… do you maybe want to get dressed first?”
Bianca turned redder than I’d ever seen anyone get in an instant. Her eyes Immediately started glowing and she slammed the door shut, apparently just realizing she had answered the door in nothing but a T-shirt and underwear. I heard of muffled groan of embarrassment from the other side of the door and decided to leave her to it.
When I came back downstairs into the living room Frank and Stein where waiting for me on the couch. It was a sight to see, two old scientists sitting in the middle of a lavish black leather couch that wrapped the outer edge of the room. The two looked out of place, like a time traveler trying desperately to look normal in a society they knew nothing about.
“Before you guys start I’ve got to know, did you do that intentionally?”
“Did we do what, what are you talking about?”
They both asked in unison.
“The names, Frank and Stein, did you do that on purpose?”
Frank smiled at this and looked toward Stein who seemed to be fuming.
“It’s been 60 years since I’ve heard that question and no, its purely coincidental. We just so happen to share similar names with this Frankenstein”
Stein replied, actually shaking with anger. Frank on the other hand, seemed to be thoroughly enjoying himself. In light of this I decided to push my luck just a little further.
“Ok, but I’m still going to call Rocco Frankenstein’s monster from now on, I can’t just pass up that opportunity.”
Frank laughed at this and Stein shook his head in disappointment.
“Children, both you.”
“Oh come now Stein, even you have to admit its a little humorous.”
“I will not be compared to some fantasy doctor and their failed facsimile of life! Rocco is a proper experiment with guidelines and uses that monster from the story is just a harebrained pet project!”
Stein fumed, seemingly offended at the concept of being compared to doctor Frankenstein. After a short tirade, none of which I really want to repeat here, we got Stein calmed down. Then the two got me seated and asked a question I wasn’t expecting.
“Do you know why we decided to settle down in this town in the first place?”
The question took me by surprise, I had assumed they just ended up here for no particular reason. Like a tumble weed being blown across the desert. They were here now caught on a fence or something but I always got the sense the wind would blow them along to somewhere else eventually. I hadn’t given much thought as to why they would be here at all. My vacant stare must’ve clued them into the fact that I had no idea how to answer the question.
“Let me rephrase, do you have any idea why things like Bianca or Tuck or even us seem to be concentrated here?”
Stein asked again, a calm tone to his voice like he was explaining something to a child.
“Tuck? What does Tuck have to do with this? I get you two are supernatural researchers and Bianca is a succubus but Tuck is just a really, really string guy right?”
I shakily asked, slowly drawing a connection to what Frank said about Tuck and lycanthropy when I came in.
“Tuck is a werewolf, a repentant one but a werewolf nonetheless.”
“That… actually would check out, It would definitely explain why the guy is built like the Rock’s bigger cousin. But what exactly are you getting at?”
“This town Keith, There’s a reason it attracts people like us and the Thunderbird is a big part of that. It had been sleeping in the mines as far as Frank was able to tell, once it woke up it caused the collapse and it made a huge stir. Obviously reports came out about this massive thing coming out of the ground and talking flight but you’ll never find any of them. The government stepped in to help Eagles peak cover up its existence, if people knew about the Thunderbird there would be uproars and questions as to what else was out there, questions no-one really would’ve had answers too. Instead they buried it and tried to bury most records of this town, turning it into a haven for the supernatural, especially those who would rather be left alone.”
Stein’s lecture made sense, if the town was basically wiped off the map as far as recent information goes it would explain its small size. I really hadn’t seen anyone in town besides those people getting off the bus the day I met Tuck and a few employees at local stores I went to. But not all of them could’ve been supernatural beings right?
“So are you trying to say everyone in town is some kind of what… supernatural entity?”
“Nothing as grand as that but there’s certainly more supernatural beings than usual concentrated in this town. Even some of the normal people have ties to the supernatural here. It’s a place were people who know about these things can pass through without to much scrutiny. What’s more interesting though is the other Thunderbird sightings we were able to dig up. Almost all of them lead to a town like this, taken off the usual map with a barley visible digital presence. Tiny little nowhere places that aren’t known for much and never show up on the news. The Thunderbird seems to be making these sanctuary’s for the supernatural throughout the world. It doesn’t seem to monitor these places afterwards but they certainly never recover from the coverups after the Thunderbird makes an appearance.”
Stein continued to lecture, speaking just as much with his hands as he did with his words.
“Has she ever come back to any of these sanctuaries she’s created.”
“She!? You don’t mean the woman you saw in Imalone? I had chalked her up to a stress induced hallucination.”
I had to briefly explain to Stein that I had not in fact hallucinated the naked woman that ultimately turned out to be Shaoni, to his displeasure.
“So you saw this woman then?”
“Yeah, in the cave attached to what I’d have to guess were the mines. She even showed up at my house last night.”
“It… she, talked to you?”
“She said that there was going to be some sort of trials to see who takes on this burden of her’s. The whole thing was really unclear if I’m honest.”
“So she’s coming back then, not only that but she’s in the town or the forest right now. I don’t get to say this often but I really don’t know what’s going to happen with this Keith. Frank and I will keep an eye on what we can but we’re researchers, if she decides to pull you into these trials we won’t be much help.”
Stein said, growing concerning on his face. I don’t think seeing Stein in this state did anything to assure me. This is someone who worked on the wrong side of world war 2 and he seemed scared by the thought of what Shaoni might be up to. It was at least nice to know someone would be monitoring the situation when I got myself killed.
“I could go with him.”
An unexpected voice cut through the silence of the room, Bianca’s voice. She had wandered down from her room wearing a black leather jacket paired with a tight red shirt and ratty jeans, my ratty jeans I noticed. She had the backpack she owed me in one hand and her eyes locked on us.
“What?”
We all said, in shock of what Bianca had just offered.
“I could go, watch your back and see what’s going on with these trials. I’m familiar enough with the supernatural, not as much as Frank or Stein but I could help.”
She said with raw unfiltered confidence that was unusual for her.
“I couldn’t ask you to do that, I told you the story, you know what Shaoni is capable of.”
I bargained, hoping to keep her out of the line of fire for some reason. I knew it would probably be smarter to bring her with me if I did get forced into these trials but some protective instinct kicked in. I’d seen her barley able to keep herself together just talking about her past and shut down when someone grabbed her. I didn’t want to see her get hurt trying to look out for me. Her past obviously still effected her in a big way. Another part of me wanted to bring her with me just to see her fight against the power her past still held over her. When we were on the way to that mine yesterday she finally seemed alive. Bianca wasn’t just this this scared person living in a gilded cage with two people who took her in like a kicked puppy. Yesterday she was her own person again, if only for a little bit.
“Look I can’t stay here doing nothing forever, besides you helped me out watching the house way back when you first got into town. You didn’t hold the fact I manipulated you into it against me and you never really cared about what I was. I at least owe you this Keith, please.”
Bianca begged, I didn’t feel like she was trying to pul me one way or another this time, the choice was my own. I could also tell it was hard for her to give me a choice, her nature was to just use her power and make me agree with her. That single fact meant more to me than whatever fight was going on in my head, I nodded to tell her I agreed.
Frank and Stein weren’t particularly thrilled with the idea of Bianca watching out for me. They were worried it put her in too much danger. Despite the situation surrounding those three I could tell Frank and Stein really did care for her, or at the very least worried about her. She may not realize it but she was like a daughter to them, anyone could see that, anyone but her apparently. Or maybe she had closed herself off from the world so much to try and survive on her own that she just couldn’t bring herself to realize it anymore. I think that’s the more likely option but it begged the question. Why exactly does she keep going out of her way for me?
Bianca managed to convince them to let her keep an eye on me. Thanks in no small part to the fact that she claimed living anywhere near Rocco for prolonged periods of time was hazardous to her health. At which point almost as if on cue, Rocco shot out of a wall. Not off of it or out from around, no straight out of the wall sending plaster flying like shrapnel. Right after this we smelled the beginnings of an electrical fire. Rocco ran back into the room and jumped back through the hole in the wall with a fire extinguisher. Frank and Stein lost their minds at this point and went to find the proper equipment to deal with that. They agreed with Bianca on the spot after that one. Rocco claimed he was “trying to update the wiring in the house”, whatever that meant but you could never tell with him. Once everything had calmed down I headed over to the kitchen to make lunch for myself. I settled for a bologna and mustard sandwich and sat down to eat. As soon as I took a bite of the sandwich my phone rang with a number I didn’t expect a call from, Mom.
“Hi, what’s going on?”
“Are you ok, You never call, I just got your message.”
My mother Carla said, in that worried but angry tone only mothers can pull off.
“I’m fine mom I just wanted to let you know what was going on with me, I don’t think I ever told you I was moving and I didn’t want you to worry.”
Bianca walked into the kitchen at this point in the conversation and looked at me. I put my finger to my lips and shushed her. She just sat down across from me and took a bite out of MY sandwich.
“You didn’t, I know I don’t see you much and your fine on your own but I still worry. We were never the closest but that doesn’t mean I don’t wan to know If you’re moving halfway across the country on a whim.”
“I know mom, I know. A lot of things happened at once and it was such short notice I just… forgot.”
“I understand… just call me next time alright, and if you ever just want to talk I’m here. Just because we weren’t all that close doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear from you now and then. Anyways I have to get back to work.”
“Oh, ok Just… how’s dad doing?”
I sighed knowing the answer to my question already.
“He’s… he’s the same Keith, Love you.”
And with that Carla hung up.
Bianca eyed me with a mildly stunned look on her face. Like she just realized I was born not raised in a test tube somewhere.
“That was your mom?”
She asked, pointing at the phone in my hand and still eating the sandwich I had made for myself.
“Yes, Oh come on give me that!”
I yelled, reaching for the sandwich in her hand. She laughed and pulled it away, finishing it. She tried to speak with a mouthful of sandwich but I couldn’t make out a thing till she gave herself a minute to chew.
“I haven’t talked to my mom since the whole thing with Brooke. She never approved and that was that, I went my way and she went her’s.”
“What about your dad?”
I asked her, suddenly not as mad about her stealing my food.
“I never really knew him. Apparently he left when I was really young but that’s about all I know.”
“Is there a single question I can ask about you that won’t just leave me feeling sorry I had a moderately normal life before this? Really I just… that’s terrible.”
Bianca looked a little sullen as she thought about her family, her real family. I realized that as strange as this whole relationship with Frank and Stein was it was the closest thing she had to something stable. Hell, I might be the first real friend she’s had outside of the house in years.
“Tell you what, I’m suddenly hungry for some reason so why don’t we head down to the Eagle’s Roost and get something to eat?”
I glared at her just a little bit as I said that first part.
“It’s like 1o’clock now I don’t think Tuck opens up till 5 or so.”
“Well I’ve got a few questions for him now, besides last time I went down there early too and he was just hanging out behind the bar, didn’t seem to mind either. Wait, you know him? He didn’t really look at you when he saved us yesterday, come to think of it he barley mentioned you.”
“Yeah I’ve seen him coming in and out of the house when he helps Stein with his experiments, giving blood and tissue samples to him, that sort of thing. I don’t know why he didn’t say anything to me. Maybe cause he thought Frank and Stein didn’t know I was out there so he just didn’t want to stick his toe in that situation?”
She had to think for a second about that last part, furrowing her brow and shrugging when she couldn’t come up with anything better.
“Could be it, anyways its just one more thing I can ask him. So are you coming with me or what?”
“Yeah sure, just let me pack a few things.”
“Pack a few things? What do you mean it’s just…”
But Bianca was already running up the stairs back towards her room.

It was an early morning in the Border Collie Household. The sun was just beginning to peek through the curtains, casting a warm glow into the living room where Mackenzie, Minnie, and Little Mack were sitting, looking rather bored.
Mackenzie, the eldest of the three siblings, let out a sigh as he tossed his stuffed Bilby, Billy, up in the air and caught it repeatedly. "I'm so bored," he grumbled, glancing over at his younger siblings.
Minnie, her bright eyes filled with mischief, grinned mischievously. "I know! Let's go bug Mom and Dad until they play with us!"
Little Mack's face lit up at the suggestion. "Yeah! That sounds like fun!"
“Alright, alright. Let's go see what they're up to." Mackenzie said as he placed Billy next to Bandido and lead his siblings out of his room and to the kitchen.
Meanwhile in the kitchen, Hunter and Queen were in the kitchen, having just finished the coffee they made a couple of minutes before.
“Honey?” Queen called.
“Yeah babe?” Hunter asked.
“What’s your stopwatch say?” Queen asked. Hunter looked at the stopwatch on the table next to them.
“12:22.” Hunter said. The two of them looked at each other for five seconds and then smirked.
“Three...two...one.” They both counted down. As they reached "one," Mackenzie, Minnie, and Little Mack burst into the kitchen, their faces filled with excitement.
"We're bored!" Minnie declared dramatically, throwing herself onto one of the kitchen chairs. “Can you play with us?”
“I don’t see why not.” Hunter answered as he turned to face the three. “What game do you wanna play?”
That was the thing. They didn’t exactly know what they wanted to play. Queen glanced at Hunter with a mischievous twinkle in her eye.
"I have an idea," she said, her lips curling into a playful grin. "How about we play... Smoochy Tag?"
“Smoochy Tag? Now THAT is a game I haven’t played in a long time.” Hunter said with a laugh.
“What’s smoochy tag?” Little Mack asked.
“It’s like normal tag, but you have to smooch someone to tag them. When you tag them, they help you tag the others. It’s really fun!” Mackenzie said as his tail wagged a bit.
“I’ll be it first. Mackenzie, can you pick a number between one and ten?” Queen asked. Mackenzie paused for a moment.
“Seven!” Mackenzie said happily.
“Seven.” Queen repeated, then she smirked. “Six…Five…Four-”
Realizing she was counting down, Hunter and the kids took off running. Hunter opened the front door and ran out of the house with the laughing children. Queen reached one and then grabbed her coffee mug.
“I’ll just finish this first.” She stated while also putting Hunter’s mug in the sink.
After a couple of seconds of running, the four of them stopped for a moment and looked around.
“We need to hide.” Hunter said as he looked around.
“But where?” Mackenzie asked. That’s when they heard a door open, they all turned to see Bandit standing at the opening.
“Oh, morning Border Collies!” Bandit said with a wave.
“Morning Bluey’s Dad, can we hide in your house?” Mackenzie asked. Bandit raised an eyebrow almost immediately, leaving Hunter to clarify.
“We’re playing a game and Queen is it.” Hunter told him.
“Say no more, c’mon in.” Bandit said almost immediately, opening the door a little bit more for them. The four Border Collies ran inside and Bandit closed the door, looking through the peephole.
“Sorry to involve you in our game Bandit.” Hunter told him. Bandit turned to him and waved it away.
“No worries, we do that to our neighbor Pat all the time. Looks like karma finally caught up.” Bandit said, he then walked away from the door. “What game are you playing?”
“We call it smoochy tag.” Hunter said, that’s when the doorbell rang. Bandit walked over to open it and saw that no one was there.
“Huh, no one. Weird.” Bandit said before closing the door and walking back to Hunter. “What’s Smoochy tag?”
“Basically a cross between tag and playing zombies, but a kiss is how you tag the others.” Hunter answered. The doorbell rang again. Bandit opened the door and looked around this time, again, seeing no one.
“Kids playing ding dong ditch?” Hunter asked. Bandit closed the door and walked back over.
“Probably.” Bandit said as Chilli walked into the room.
“Who’s dinging the doorbell?” Chilli asked.
“Probably the kids.” Bandit said. That was before he saw Bluey and Bingo hiding Mackenzie and Little Mack somewhere in the living room, and then hearing the doorbell again. “Okay, definitely not the kids.”This time, Hunter walked over to the door to open it, and when he did, Queen grabbed his arm and pulled him outside.
“Gotcha! C’mere you!” Queen smirked as she attempted to pull him into a kiss. However, Bandit and Chilli grabbed Hunter to pull him into the house, joining the game.
“Not so fast!” Bandit said as he pulled Hunter into the house. Chilli also pulled, whilst chuckling.
“It’s not gonna be that easy.” Chilli told her. Queen continued trying to kiss Hunter, but Hunter was pulled away and Chilli got a cushion to poke Queen back out of the house. “Out, out with ya.”
With Queen back out of the house, Chilli closed the door. Chilli wiped her brow with a ‘phew’ and looked at Bandit.
“What was that all about?” Chilli asked.
“It’s a game called Smoochy Tag.” Bandit told her.
“Sounds fun, I’ll ask the kids if they wanna play.” Chilli said as she walked to the living room. Bandit looked at Hunter with wide eyes.
“Run upstairs, quick.” Bandit told him. Hunter nodded and ran upstairs with Bandit. Chilli walked to the living room where she saw Bingo hiding Little Mack behind the plant.
"Hey, Bingo," Chilli said with a warm smile. "Are you and your new friend playing Smoochy Tag too?"
Bingo looked up from her hiding spot with a wide grin. "Yeah, Mum! We're helping hide Little Mack from his mum."
“Well guess what, your dad and I are playing too. But I need to know the rules first.” Chilli said as he kneeled down to Little Mack’s height. “Can you tell me the rules?”
Little Mack got out from under the table and began to explain the rules of the game.
“It’s like normal tag, but you have to smooch someone to tag them. When you tag them, they help you tag the others. Mackenzie says it’s really fun.” Little Mack answers. Chilli tapped her chin.
“Smooch someone, like this?” Chilli asked, placing a kiss on Little Mack’s forehead. Little Mack giggled.
“Yes, exactly like that.” Little Mack said.
“Good. Looks like we’re helping your mom now.” Chilli said, revealing she made herself it when she played the game. Which also meant she that Little Mack was also it. Much to the four year old’s playful disappointment.
“Aw bugger.” Little Mack said. Then both of them turned to Bingo. She quickly turned around to run.
“Quick, let’s get her!” Chilli exclaimed as she and Little Mack ran after her. The moment they were out of the living room, Bluey and Mackenzie ran out from behind the couch and ran to the backyard where they got cut off by Queen.
“Going somewhere?” She teased before running after them. Bluey and Mackenzie playfully screamed before running back inside. Queen ran after them and was gaining on them pretty quickly. She would’ve caught up if it wasn’t for Minnie running in front of her, running away from Bingo who was also running away from Chilli and Little Mack. Switching targets, Queen grabbed Minnie and kissed her forehead.“No!” Minnie exclaimed while laughing. Bingo was gonna run past, but Queen grabbed her too and kissed her on the forehead as well. Now the only ones left were Mackenzie, Bluey, Hunter and Bandit. Bluey and Mackenzie were seen running up stairs. Upstairs, the hallway presented several doors, providing ample hiding spots. Bluey gestured excitedly to the linen closet. "Quick, hide in here!" she whispered urgently to Mackenzie.
Mackenzie nodded, running into the closet with Bluey. Bluey closed the door, while Hunter and Bandit veered into the Heeler bedroom just as they heard footsteps approaching. Inside the linen closet, Bluey and Mackenzie huddled together, barely able to contain their giggles. Bluey put a finger to her lips, motioning for Mackenzie to stay quiet as they listened to the footsteps draw closer. They held their breath as the footsteps walked towards them, stopped, and then walked away from them. Allowing them to let out a sigh of relief.
In the bedroom, Hunter and Bandit were both were under the bed, and practically arguing with each other silently.
“Find your own hiding spot!” Bandit whisper yelled to him.
“I don’t know this house! This is the best I can do!” Hunter replied. The two of them where still arguing when Queen and Chilli walked into the room, and from the footsteps abruptly stopping, they more than likely got found out.
“You think they heard us?” Bandit asked. Suddenly, Hunter’s ankles were grabbed and he was yanked out from under the bed. Bandit’s wrists were grabbed and he was pulled out as well. When they were out, they realized that the other’s wife had pulled them out. Bandit was pulled out by Queen and Hunter was pulled out by Chilli. The two ladies looked at each other, smirked, nodded and switched locations, kissing their husbands to tag them.
“And then there were two.” Hunter said as he stood up looking out in the hall.
“I heard whispering in the closet before walking in here.” Chilli said as she pointed to the linen closet. Queen and Hunter started to walk towards that door and counted backwards from three before opening the door and seeing….nothing.
“Huh?” Queen questioned. Inside Bluey’s room, Mackenzie and Bluey were sneaking back down the stairs and was making their way to the playroom. On the way there, Mackenzie accidentally bumped into one of the dressers and knocked over the lamp. Mackenzie was fast enough to catch the lamp before it could hit the ground.
“That was close.” Mackenzie said in relief.
“He’s downstairs!” Little Mack exclaimed, having heard him. Mackenzie put the lamp back and he and Bluey ran out to the backyard. Little Mack was the first to go outside to try and catch at least one of them. Minnie ran outside too and both were going straight for Mackenzie, who was not too keen with getting caught so he kept dodging and juking them like he was playing a game of rugby. Bluey on the other hand was running from Bingo and ran right into Bandit who picked her up and kissed her on the nose.
“Gotcha Bluey!” Bandit told her. He then looked at Mackenzie who juked Little Mack and made him run into Minnie. Mackenzie was gonna run back inside, but Hunter was guarding the door. “Let’s get em Bluey.”
Mackenzie turned around and Queen was blocking his path back.
“Where’re you gonna go now mate?” Hunter asked him. Mackenzie looked right and saw Bandit and Bluey walking towards him.
“Going left!” Mackenzie said as he ran left. He was gonna run down the left side of the house to go to the front yard, but the moment he ran around the corner, Chilli was right there. Mackenzie turned around to run again, but he was grabbed by Hunter, who jumped over the railing the moment he went around the corner. Mackenzie laughed as he was caught, squirming playfully in Hunter's grasp.
"Nice try, buddy." Hunter chuckled before planting a kiss on his son’s forehead, ending the game. “Man, you’re getting faster kid.”
"You're not too bad yourself, Dad." Mackenzie replied, his tail wagging happily. "That was so much fun!"
"You did great, champ," Hunter said, ruffling Mackenzie's hair. "But all that running around has made me hungry, lets go get brunch.”
Mackenzie's stomach growled in agreement, and he nodded eagerly. "Yeah, brunch sounds awesome!"
Chilli and Bandit looked at each other and then nodded before turning back over to the Border Collies.
“Would you like to stay for Brunch?” Chilli asked them.
"That sounds lovely," Queen replied with a smile, glancing at Hunter for confirmation.
Hunter nodded, returning the smile. "Yeah, we'd love to stay. Thanks for the invitation."
Chilli beamed. "Great! Let's head to the kitchen then. I'll whip up something delicious for all of us."
“Allow me to help.” Queen said as she and Chilli walked upstairs to the kitchen. Hunter and Bandit played with the kids to keep them occupied. s they all made their way to the kitchen, the Border Collies chatted happily, their laughter filling the air. Hunter and Bandit found themselves engaged in a playful game of catch with Mackenzie, Bluey, Minnie, and Little Mack, while Queen and Chilli worked together to prepare brunch.
In the kitchen, Queen and Chilli shared stories and laughter as they cooked, enjoying each other's company. Queen expertly cracked eggs into a bowl while Chilli chopped vegetables for an omelet. The aroma of sizzling bacon filled the air, making everyone's stomachs growl in anticipation.
Meanwhile, downstairs, Hunter and Bandit continued their game with the kids, tossing a ball back and forth and dodging around the furniture. Mackenzie's tail wagged furiously as he chased after the ball, his laughter echoing through the house.
As brunch neared completion, Queen and Chilli set the table with plates, utensils, and glasses of freshly squeezed orange juice. The tantalizing smell of food wafted through the house, drawing everyone to the kitchen.
With everything ready, they all gathered around the table, exchanging smiles and stories as they enjoyed the delicious brunch together. Plates were filled with fluffy omelets, crispy bacon, and buttery toast, and the conversation flowed effortlessly as they savored the meal.
Later on, Queen and Chilli were playing with the kids as Hunter and Bandit were on the balcony watching them as they played, drinking some soda as they watched.
“Made quite the first impression you know.” Bandit said to Hunter, who chuckled.
“Sweet as, Bandit. You know I was a bit skeptical about the move but now...” Hunter responded, watching as Bluey playfully managed to tackle Mackenzie to the ground. “..I think I made the right choice.”
“While I don’t doubt that mate, I’m sure we’ll see.” Bandit told him.
“Yeah…we’ll see.” Hunter replied. Soon, it was time for the Border Collies to head home and the Heelers waved goodbye to them as they walked off.
“You know, I think I like our new neighbors.” Chilli said to her family.
“Will they be back to play again?” Bingo asked her dad. Bandit smiled and watched the Border Collies walk off.
“We’ll see.”

I am a 58-year-old male - culturally Greek, raised in Australia, migrated to the U.S. and have lived in NYC for over 20 years now. My parents raised my two older sisters – 9.5 years older with 3 children and 4 years older with two daughters, and myself, the only son and youngest of three, Down Under. I left my family in Australia upon moving to NYC in 2004 with my partner. It was tough leaving them behind because as dysfunctional as we were, we all loved each other.
Unfortunately, in the 8 year lead up to the pandemic – first, I lost my father to colon cancer; 2 years later my beautiful mother to vascular dementia; 2 years after that my 14 year marriage dissolved after my partner admitted he had been having an affair with a work colleague for several months; 1.5 years after that my middle sister and dear friend died from a brain aneurysm; followed by my eldest sister who died of lung cancer the following year.
I fell so ill from stress that I developed severe IBS and had to have emergency surgery. I thought I was going to die. If that wasn’t enough, I hadn’t even healed when I caught COVID; lost my job a few weeks later; and, then I managed to survived a home invasion during which I was assaulted and threatened with a knife but, somehow, I managed to get the two criminals out of my space in 7.5 minutes, without a single item stolen. I’ve been through a lot but I’ve always battled through.
My middle sister had two daughters, M1 aged 40, and M2 aged 38. Until my sister passed away in early 2018, I had a great relationship with M1. I was always there to support as she tended toward “unlucky in love” and was also diagnosed with lupus over a decade ago. Her mother and I were always solid support for her, and she would speak to me about any personal problem.
Her younger sister M2 is a very different character and was I was unable to build as strong a relationship – it was not purposeful nor deliberate. I made attempts and managed to get closer to her after she was married but she always tended to be more distant. As hard as I tried, M1 & I sensed that she somewhat resented my relationship with her older sister.
After my sister passed away suddenly aged only 56, we were all devastated. I flew in from NYC and was in Australia for 9 days for the funeral. I spent 7 of the 9 days with my brother-in-law (BIL) - a good man – and my two nieces M1 & M2. It was an emotionally draining stay, with a relentless stream of visitors to pay their respects.
I spent the other 2 days house-sitting for a dear friend which I gladly accepted to secure some peace and solitude. I slept at least 16-18 hours on each day. Upon returning to my BIL’s home for my final two days, M1 approached me and asked to speak to me outside in their back yard. She proceeded to tell me how very disappointed she was in me; that she felt I was an “absent mourner" and not supporting her in her grief in the way she expected; I was also not grieving "appropriately," and that her mother /my sister would be disappointed.
I had travelled 24 hours, in a blur, halfway across the globe to bury my sister and was now receiving bereavement advice from my niece. I told her to quit with the nonsense and that she should mourn her mother any way she likes, but she is not to tell me how I should conduct myself when I’m grieving.
Her voice quickly escalated, and she proceeded to then scream at the top of her voice about how disgusting I was that I wasn’t “there” to respect her mother; and be there for her. I reminded M1 that her mother, was also my sister and I knew her for a whole lot longer than she did. I also reminded her that staying for 7 of 9 days with her, does not constitute “being absent” in anybody’s language.
It was midnight, she continued to scream, yell, abuse me with neighbors being woken up on all sides. I stood up and decided to leave and not put up with her bullshit any longer. I walked inside and caught her sister, M2, ears to the door, listening to everything … and it made me realize they were bothin on this effort to publicly “dress me down”.
M2 proceeded to "stand with her sister" and yell at me, too. I was seriously flabbergasted by their accusations. My BIL certainly did not feel the same way and he told the girls to explain to him what their problem was!?! If there was a real problem – he should be the first to be complaining about me. Their anger and resentment was shocking, inexplicable and totally unfounded. I flew home to NYC two days later devastated not just at losing my beautiful sister - but at my nieces’ disgraceful performance.
In November 2020, I flew back to Australia to visit family for the holiday season as COVID enveloped the globe. I struggled to feel fully comfortable with my nieces, and one thing is for sure: they never apologized to me for their outburst at me less than two years prior. This time it was the festive season and I decided to stay some of the time at BIL's house. Upon arriving, I was shocked - the house was spotlessly clean, as my sister liked to keep it, and everything in the house was unchanged - everything was in the exact same spot, as the day my sister died. I was concerned, M1 was clearly struggling, not dealing with her mother’s death. Even her father, my BIL had started casually dating another woman, and I threw support behind him which he appreciated. M1, on the other hand, was vehemently against this, and refused to give her father’s new relationship her blessing.
Eventually, the inevitable happened – M1 starts to relay a story that I recognized as my own, and after a few erroneous details, I reminded her of the facts that she was actually deviating from. She literally exploded for not allowing her to relay my story… incorrectly.
Yet again, her screams and anger were so loud, that I actually saw neighbors peering over their fencing. She screamed at me to leave "her house" and that I was the devil. (I need to add here that both nieces became born again Evangelical Christians.) I reminded her that the house belonged to my sister & BIL, and she had no authority over whether I stay or not.
Her screams & verbal attack, (the second one now), was so loud, aggressive, and her enraged face so red, that she looked unhinged. I went to grab a mug to make a coffee and get as far away from her as I could. As my hand reached into the cupboard for a mug, she used the cupboard door to p.a. me I saw stars.I stared at her in shock and said: "You just p.a. your mother's brother," at which she just screamed even louder
My BIL arrived shortly after and I told him that I needed to leave. I gave him the facts and then told him: "She doesn't support your new relationship - not because its "too soon" - but because she's miserable and unhappy… and she begrudges anyone their happiness - it eats away at her." She screamed at him to throw me out until he yelled "Shut up!" at her. She then called us both devils and stormed into her room.
Now, a brief focus on M2. It was summer 2017, and M2 was due in November with her second child. Her husband is American and M2 moved here from Australia and were living in the Midwest. I attempted to build a closeness with her since she was living in the US. During a call to her in July 2017, she invited me for Thanksgiving that year to be with her family, as well as see her mothemy sister and BIL who were spending several weeks there to welcome their new grandchild.
I was so excited. I even told M2 that I would stay at a nearby hotel, so as not to burden them with a newborn at home. A few weeks prior to Thanksgiving, I called to confirm my dates, etc., and without missing a beat, she proceeds to tell me that it is now all too much for her and she retracted her invitation …I was dis-invited. I sat there in silence, in shock.
I had discretely asked my sister several weeks prior, whether she would consider visiting NYC with my BIL, even for a weekend, as they were going to be with M2 for over 6 weeks and were so close!
She said to me, "Do you think we haven't thought of that? We'd love to come to come to NYC and see you. But we'll never hear the end of it from ‘you-know-who’."
So, I spent Thanksgiving on my own, with no family in NYC, less than 1.5 hours flying time away from a warm, festive house that contained M2, her family, my BIL and my dear sister.
Less than 3 months later … my sister was dead. And I never got a chance to see her one last time.
That opportunity was taken from me without so much as an "I'm sorry that I did that to you." In fact, I never received an apology from either M1 nor M2 for all the things they did to me.
When I got back to NYC from the disastrous Aussie trip, M2 refused to communicate with me any further, so I knew M1 had been in her ear about our fallout and likely never even mentioned the p.a. I contacted her and mentioned that minimally, I expected her to at least hear me out.
Her response???
"In my experience, I would describe you the same way my sister would, so I tend to believe her, and my role now is to protect my family."
I replied, "What, so your family is in danger now? From me?!"
She curtly wrote: "I wish to focus on my family, my sister, and the Lord." ...or something to that effect.
I can genuinely, authentically state that I still have no idea why they turned so viciously nasty, so vindictive, and without sounding too dramatic – so evil towards me. I have my other nieces, family, friends to back me up wholeheartedly. It was ironic to me that the two evangelicals ended up being so mean-spirited, and emotionally abusive.
I knew I had to make a big decision, so I sought the counsel of some wonderful loved ones in my inner circle, and their guidance was unanimous: walk away from the toxicity. I knew I had no other choice. I have not spoken to my two nieces for four years now.
I posted this to see if others had similar experiences, and to gather feedback as to whether I was an a-hole for cutting my two nieces out of my life.

My girlfriend of two years has a bully breed (male, 3 years old). He is becoming the bane of my existence. For reference, my girlfriend and I are both women.
My girlfriend and I are planning to move in together within the next year. We've talked extensively about our future pet plans. She understands that her dog is an issue and is open to letting her roommate (who loves the dog) take ownership. On one hand, it is heartbreaking to see my girlfriend struggle with the potential of this. On the other hand, I'm freaking relieved that she's open to it.
It's not my girlfriend's fault this dog is awful, I honestly believe it's just the way he is (bully breeds are TERRIBLE). She's taken him to numerous training schools, has him completely kennel trained, has an electric collar on him, and even gives him calming gummies.
I don't need advice, I just want to rant about the stupid things this dog does that pisses me off. It's becoming such an issue for me that I dread going over to her house. Am I heartless or are my feelings about this dog justified?

• The dog is a velcro dog and CONSTANTLY needs attention. If you're sitting on the couch, he's on top of you. If you're in a room, he's up your ass. I always have bruises and cuts on my hands/legs from this dog jumping on me.
• This dog needs constant surveillance. If he leaves your line of sight, he's jumping on the counters, digging in the trash, chewing objects that aren't his, and knocking things off shelves/tables. If you stop petting him for one second, he runs off and does these things. This is super goddamn annoying and it takes away the quality time my girlfriend and I spend together (playing board games, watching TV, even just talking).
• He's aggressive and possessive. It took months for him to stop biting my hands and jumping on me if my girlfriend and I kissed or hugged. Even now, if we're standing too close he'll wiggle his way in between us.
• He's so loud and energetic all the time. I have ADHD and sensory issues and this overstimulates me to the point I have to take a time out. Every time I'm trying to watch TV or play video games the dog is barking, panting, jostling me on the couch, running loudly through the house, etc. It makes my skin crawl and I feel hot and itchy.
• The time I spend with my girlfriend is impacted by the dog's schedule/needs. We can't go on day trips because the dog can't be left home alone too long. If her roommate can't watch the dog, she can't spend the night at my place. He has to go outside every two hours and it interrupts our quality time. Obviously, dogs need this care and it would be the same situation with any dog but if it was a dog I liked maybe I wouldn't be so salty.
• He's reactive. He does not get along with other dogs and hates children. If my girlfriend and I laugh too hard, yell with excitement, or make any weird sudden moves, this damn dog is biting and jumping on us. My girlfriend doesn't like bugs and saw a bug in the kitchen and jumped a little bit. The dog growled and pulled on her sweater sleeve and I had to drag him off. He's bitten me four times because of things like this.
• He's so messy and stinky (bully breeds have skin issues). His hair is everywhere, he stinks up the couches, he chews up toys and leaves pieces everywhere. He obsessively licks his feet and often leaves wet marks on the furniture. I freaking hate it.

I just cannot stand this dog. It's getting so bad that I'm becoming afraid of him. I am so in love with my girlfriend, we have great communication and a great sex life, we share so many hobbies in common, our friends and family adore us together, and we are on the same page with our life and relationship goals. We are compatible in every way except her dog.
Anyway, Thanks for reading this.