Didn't know whether to tag this as a table dispute or a DMing issue because it's sort of 50/50.
New to DMing, only about 2 months and half the handbook into figuring stuff out and learning as I go along, players are very okay with this because they also know basically nothing as this is all their first campaign outside of a maybe 1 or 2 having played a one-shots before.
I have 7 PCs (I host in a school and had to turn away so many people) but thought I could deal with 7 as the campaign seemed pretty short and basic. Honestly despite the large number of people I still believe I could host it if the entire party was actually cooperative.
5 of the 7 are probably the best players I could hope for, being super open to suggestions, interacting with all my NPCs, causing just the right amount of chaos to have fun but not derail my campaign completely, they just generally seem to be having so much fun working with the material I'm giving them which is such a relief as a new DM, because I was super afraid of boring them or doing something wrong having known none of them prior to hosting.
The main issue I'm having is with the other 2 PCs, one of them specifically being much worse than the other but they kinda come as pair having joined together as friends.
A little context before explaining the next part I'm 17F and these two players are 34M (who I'm gonna call B) & 31M (who I'm gonna call C). I have no problem with being the youngest of the group of 7, there's a range of ages of people closer in age to me as well as some in there early and late 20s, all a mix of men and women, but B & C do happen to be the oldest two.
B has been getting on my nerves since the first session we had, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt, chalking any interruptions or over eager attention grabbing as a first time player just trying to suss things out. When I got everyone to introduce their characters and explain any backstory, race features, personality all that fun stuff he seemed genuinely interested in playing so I was super hyped about having him as a player, he wanted to play a dwarven cleric, which I was interested in seeing, having a healer with a high AC is really helpful!
Campaign starts and I introduce the first encounter, giving an option for the party to run as they were only 2nd level with only their starting weapons and spells. B immediately attacks, no consulting the party, which is fine I guess, he's excited for combat and I'm pumped to run my first encounter. Party finishes first encounter, runs into the first NPC, a very important one that literally runs everything in the island their on, a little old woman sitting writing in the library.
I go to describe said little old lady and start to get into character, B immediately interrupts before I can finish my second word asks to behead her and rolls to attack. I'm running a pre bought campaign, not a clue how to to do a majority of things story progressing wise and this NPC is a very important pivot for plot. The other PCs are also appalled, wanting to enjoy their first ever NPC encounter, having many questions already about the place they're in and the encounter they've already had.
It becomes very apparent in the next few sessions that B is nothing but a murderhobo, supported by C who also thinks this is very entertaining, while the rest of the party have to spend every minute of their time watching the PCs and making sure they don't try to kill the plot and destroy everything in their sight in the process. My players have gone from having fun and being filled with excitement to having to watch B as a chore to ensure they can continue to play, going as far as to grapple and restrain him for half a session just to be able to investigate the area I had prepared without B killing the NPCs.
On top of this, in actual combat B is very impatient, constantly interrupting me on other players turns to ask if it's his turn yet. There's this unspoken rule that everyone very graciously follows, no phones at the table unless you need it for your character sheet, to check spells or something along those lines. B also constantly betrays that rule despite being asked not to, watching tiktok when I'm not directly addressing him, even answering phone calls in the middle of combat when it's not his turn and instead of leaving the room just talks over the table, again, despite being asked to leave the room if needing to answer phone calls or anything else that would cause disruption.
B's also been making me super uncomfortable, every week I come in he brags about his salary to me, even going as far as to pull up his pay slips in the middle of encounters (when it's not his turn) and interrupt another PCs turn to show me. I don't even give it the time of day anymore, it's rude to both me and the PCs and C is just as bad for supporting his actions.
It's annoyed me so much I brought it to the rest of the group and they all agree they're not the right fit for the party, they're both obviously looking for a combat heavy adventure which is not at all what I'm running. They bring very weird vibes to the table, C even messaging outside of the group chat we have (taking my number without my permission) and trying to start conversation. I ran into him after our session last week outside of the club with a friend as we coincidentally were in the same movie screening, and got a message afterwards asking if I would see a movie with him and his friends.
I don't know these people longer than maybe 6 weeks, only seeing them for 2 hours once a week. It's possible I'm reading into it and being overly cautious because of the sort of rep men have towards women in the gaming community, especially younger women, despite it being way better than previous decades past. The rest of the group do think it's weird though so I'm not alone in picking up the odd vibes two are bringing to the table.
TLDR: At the end of the day kicking them from the party is completely my decision as the DM and a smaller, well rounded, cooperative party is a lot easier to run with than murderhobos. I suppose my only fear is the backlash it might cause as I am running it in a school, funded by student services (the room we use, the dice, notebooks, handbooks, etc.) and kicking the two from the campaign may cause them to complain out of spite and get the whole club shut down, as they are both members of the student board.

Matched into anesthesia. Bombed step 1, but had a 30+ point increase for step 2. Ton of research, networking and got into my number 1. Just wanted to share my experience with studying for step 2.
My biggest mistake with step 1 dedicated consisted of 5 things:

1. Too much passive studying (anki, Bnb, hand written notes)
   
2. Taking practice questions too personally
   
3. Not enough breaks in the day
   
4. Doing subject based blocks instead of random
   
5. Quality>Quantity
   
6. We all feel comfortable with passive studying because it is low effort. You can watch the same video 100 times but till you do questions on it, you won't know if you truly understand it. I only made anki cards and watched Bnb for my weak concepts. Everything else was straight uworld.
   
7. Questions are used for learning. I would get pissed and beat myself up if I missed questions. Negative feedback loop which caused me to miss more questions. For step 2, 120 questions a day and I could care less if I missed every single one of them.
   
8. You will never be done studying. There is always something more to review. I would study from 8-6:30/7 and had a hard cutoff at 7. After that, I would work out, watch movies, spend time with family or play video games. I went to bed at 10.
   
9. For step 1, i did all cardiology questions first. This made studying easier, but the issue is if I finish all cardio questions first week of dedicated, now I am left with 6 weeks of 0 cardio questions. The real test is randomized so you need to study randomized. Review missed concepts as you go.
   
10. For every question, make sure you understand why every other answer choice is incorrect. Ask yourself, "how could this question be phrased so that A would have been the right answer?" I did this with all questions. Sure, it takes twice as long to go through a question, but you will drill that concept into your mind.
    

At the end of the day, your score doesn't define you. So much randomness on test day that all you can do is give it your best and excel clinically.

I confirmed I have herpes. Now who gave it to me.
F22 with a new partner M23.
Funny thing is I posted this a couple days ago
HSV 1 was 33.6
HSV. 2 <0.9
I am devastated, crying my eyes out and damn near suicidal
Recently I’ve had a new sexual partner for a couple months now. I’ve tested negative for everything the only issue is they have never tested me for herpes. Ever since I’ve met him I’ve been getting sick every couple of weeks (could be a coincidence) and i just noticed that I’ve had a recurrent mouth ulcer? At the roof of my mouth. The last time I was sick last month for a week with a sore throat and I got the canker sore at the roof of my mouth again, usually very painful, one huge spot and white all over the spot. I got sick again on Sunday, sore throat, congested, fever and now its Thursday and I’m feeling another sore on in the roof of my mouth except in two different places. I’m worried sick, my partner is amazing, yes he is my boyfriend so I’m wondering if I have herpes? Is this a sign?
Also i would also like to note a week or so after my first sore appeared he seemed to have the same one around the same spot (upper gums)
Before I got tested I asked him if he gets sores like mine a lot and he said yes but they’re nothing to be worried about. Now I’ve confirmed I have HSV 1 I don’t think he even understands what I mean and now I think I sound very accusatory because now Im begging him to get tested. Now I’m worried that I probably gave it to him because we kissed a couple days ago when I had just started getting sick. He’s not my first partner but he’s the only person I’ve been with since I started getting sick and sores in my mouth. I hope I didn’t give it to him.

F22 with a new partner M23.
Funny thing is I posted this a couple days ago
HSV 1 was 33.6
HSV. 2 <0.9
I am devastated, crying my eyes out and damn near suicidal
Recently I’ve had a new sexual partner for a couple months now. I’ve tested negative for everything the only issue is they have never tested me for herpes. Ever since I’ve met him I’ve been getting sick every couple of weeks (could be a coincidence) and i just noticed that I’ve had a recurrent mouth ulcer? At the roof of my mouth. The last time I was sick last month for a week with a sore throat and I got the canker sore at the roof of my mouth again, usually very painful, one huge spot and white all over the spot. I got sick again on Sunday, sore throat, congested, fever and now its Thursday and I’m feeling another sore on in the roof of my mouth except in two different places. I’m worried sick, my partner is amazing, yes he is my boyfriend so I’m wondering if I have herpes? Is this a sign?
Also i would also like to note a week or so after my first sore appeared he seemed to have the same one around the same spot (upper gums)
Before I got tested I asked him if he gets sores like mine a lot and he said yes but they’re nothing to be worried about. Now I’ve confirmed I have HSV 1 I don’t think he even understands what I mean and now I think I sound very accusatory because now Im begging him to get tested. Now I’m worried that I probably gave it to him because we kissed a couple days ago when I had just started getting sick. He’s not my first partner but he’s the only person I’ve been with since I started getting sick and sores in my mouth. I hope I didn’t give it to him.

Writing the title alone already gave me a weird feeling.
I’m a kid in high school, and I’m very quiet most of the time. I don’t look very normal as I never look presentable and hide my body with baggy clothes, this is mainly due to severe body dysmorphia.
This started a little bit ago when I was walking down a stairwell, but it was being blocked by a group of black kids. They all randomly started making fun of me, this went on for like 2 minutes. I just stood still as I really didn’t know what to do. Eventually some of them even threatened to beat the shit out of me. I walked away right after that.
For the rest of the day I just thought about the whole thing, and instead of feeling terrible like usual, I became very angry, and I avoided other black at my school besides black friends for the rest of the day.
(Before all of this happened, I was trying to sell snacks at school and one of the football players (who’s black and regularly fucks with me) stole 4 dollars worth of snacks from me, another black tried to do the same as well)
When I got home, I laid in bed for hours thinking about it, and eventually I started to think deep. I realized that all of my bullies throughout the years have all been black, they are all disrespectful as shit and I’m sure their parents don’t care at all. Looking back at my earlier years, I realized at an early age that blacks always seemed louder, less reasonable, so quick to violence compared to other races (sorry).
After that day I started to avoid blacks in general, with the only black people I talked to being the ones that are my friends or I know aren’t like the others at my school. When I avoided blacks, I literally had no issue at all. No one made fun of me, or threatened me. As the days went by, I kept generalizing them more and more, to the point where if I’m just meeting a black person in the spot, i immediately assume the worst.
I don’t know how or why the internet does this, but after those days, I kept seeing more (negative) discussions about blacks. I started to dig into it, and I found terrible information, such as their statistics on crimes and stuff like that. It made me so sick. The internet keeps feeding me even more reasons to avoid blacks and I feel terrible about it.
Please help me, I don’t want to keep feeling this way about them.

I work as a server in a restaurant that’s like a themed - deconstructed tasting menu, I cant really get too specific because I don’t wanna be found out. I have this Co worker who is 2 years older then me at 23. She is extremely unprofessional and a terrible server imo (just generally overbearing and loud, sloppy, forgets cutlery between courses, isn’t well versed enough in the menu or wines etc). She can’t handle even the slightest criticism, like someone telling her she did something wrong or made a mistake without running out the back to cry about how she was “being yelled at” (it’s an open kitchen so it would make 0 sense to do that)
Basically everyone adores her, everyone thinks she’s so funny and cute and charming and she can do no wrong. Maybe because I wasn’t so openly adoring of her (I’m generally a very closed off person) she felt the need to confront me saying she felt like I didn’t like her. I just said that I was shy and not to take it personally. Only to be met by my manager the next day to be told “some people have come forward” (like I raped them?) saying that I was “intimidating” and “not nice” or something. That I’d be let go if it continued. I tried voicing myself just to be met with “no, no I’m not here to argue, I’m just going to say what I have to say and we will move on”.
She talks shit or gives out when I do anything on her section, even when my position is runner which it often is because I’m stronger in my knowledge of the wine and menus. She stands around talking to customers for ages and expects for me to do all of the dirty work, often leaving plates in random places or pre-calling the next course without cleaning the last. She will snatch the card reader or something I’m using out of my hand and say like “no I need it I’ll literally be a second” (she’s a chav with a whiney baby voice).
Today she got pissed off and whined to herself for ages because guests from the same country as me were speaking to me and she had to do a bit of cleaning.
Everyone loves her though, head chef made a comment about my appearance (insinuating I was unattractive) and I snapped and said “I won’t take criticism from a fat cunt who’s preference is women who act like children” and now I’m in trouble.
Maybe I’m coping, not sure.

I really need perspective from other people on 2 issues.
TLDR: 1. How often do you raise your voice at your toddler? 2. Am I being AH in saying that it’s not normal?
My husband grew up in a yelling home. Bickering all the time and then the parents were too nice for a while, rinse, repeat. 0 communication skills. I grew up with parents saying I (we) needed to solve my own conflicts (with my siblings) from a young age. I’d get angry at my siblings and then we’d apologize/help each other and that was that. My norm is getting angry, cooling off and then verbalizing an issue.
My husband’s temper used to be short, now it’s medium. He worked hard to be less passive aggressive, less volatile, use his words.
However, he still raises his voice at our son (21 months) 2+ times a day. Ie When changing his diaper our son will squirm, try to turn away (I don’t think he likes his ankles being held together as he doesn’t cry with me), and my husband will say “no! Stop. Stop it. Cut it out! God damn it”. I’ve asked him not to hold his ankles together, to give him a distraction (squeeze pouch, peel a tangerine, etc), or to ask him to do things in a normal time of voice or explain so that long term our son can understand what’s being asked and comply. He brushes this off. I’ve asked before the change, during and I’ve talked to him about it when he’s calm.
My husband was in the bathroom using the toilet, my son went in there and started messing with the cat scoop which is a no-go. I heard the tell tale clang and got up to walk in and help. As I was walking to the bathroom my husband is yelling at him to stop, drop it, cut it out. This doesn’t help, it’s not effective, our child isn’t listening to the direction so I detach the scoop and let son know the litter box is off limits and yucky and also ask my husband to give our son what to do instead of what not to do. My husband is already really irate and snaps at me.
There are times my husband doesn’t talk to him like that. He explains that things are ouch or not, is patient, and is willing to teach son how to use X thing correctly or why we don’t do something. But there are a significant portion of instances where my husband is not thinking in my son’s shoes and just speaks to him in such an unempathetic manner. He gets overwhelmed, overstimulated easily. He’s a very anxious person and goes 0-50 pretty easily if things aren’t perfect (and they never have been). He talks to the dog like this, too. (He says the dog is never going to change so he just gets frustrated when she barks, etc. He is eternally stuck in helplessness while I am an eternal optimist).
This is every day, multiple times a day. But not ever around other people or in public. This is why I feel it isn’t normal.
Is that normal? To talk to your son like that in 25% of your interactions? Do you?
He says I talk to our son like that too and when I asked him to explain he cited when I was trying to get him away from a broken plant pot and when I was trying to get him to not spill a cup of coffee on himself today (the latter was a very short, “no, put that back!” and when he didn’t I gently took it from him and set it next to me). There’s a difference between safety and inconvenience.
My second ask, when I try to talk to my husband about these things he redirects away from himself and says “you do xyz things wrong too” or “well what would you have done any better” or “oh my god it’s always something”. To be fair I do feel pretty anxious/sick about what messages my son is going to take away from our household dynamic so I do think I’m (clearly not very helpfully) commenting too much when I see these things. Do you think…I guess, what can I do better? Or is it ok so I should just stop commenting? I feel like I’m stuck in a very sad and anxious place about what we’re modeling for our son and then that makes me not see the good in my husband.
For context. He is the SAHD and just finished school for the semester. He’s stressed about money right now as I just quit my job, but I intend to have a job within the next two months and my family won’t let anything happen to us. In general he is always like this, it doesn’t really go up and down. No other stressors.
I guess I’m just seeing if people say this is normal then I can just let it go and remove a layer of stress from our dynamic. I feel like our days are a cycle of arguing about this.
I will say, he has allowed himself to go with the flow of my parenting. No getting mad about crayon on the walls, or taking stuff out of the trash, or throwing food on the floor. We just teach him not to do it and teach him to clean stuff up/rely on explaining things and now son doesn’t do those things anymore. Our son helps us do dishes, make food, sweep, vacuum so I don’t think we’re doing too bad, there.

Hello!!!! I'm a 20+ female my time zone is (EST), I'm currently trying to get back into roleplay I after having a small reality break, I roleplay in 3rd person and I am either a Semi-lit to literate roleplayer and may be rusty but I love to get into detail when the story gets super interesting!!
I'm looking for a long-term Male RP partner that's willing to RP as Dabi and Hawks. And is also okay with a Drama, Angst , funny, serious kind of plot and with anything else as desired with whatever you are comfortable with! Plot: Forbidden Love VillainxHero(Villains daughter)
Plot may be discussed further more is interested.
Short Description on OC: Yoake Nisshoku Recently became ba pro hero and works with Hawks besides Endeavor. Her father was a hero before turning and becoming one of the most feared villans. Quirk is Solar Dragon and she loves anything sweet! More about OC can be discussed further on.
Please be at least 18+ if interested in roleplaying and id prefer to role play on discord! Lmk if interested for this story!!! ^{^}

I’ll try this again.
This is for me personally and my experience and not about what anyone else is doing. I respect all journeys.
Personally I have been finding success with moving on by untraining my brain of the intermittent reinforcement she used by ghosting and reappearing without warning. It did a serious number on me psychologically. I have also decided to go no contact. Even though she recently popped up where we met and two of her friends contacted me to try to get me to go back there and one of them told me she was there. My experience with her checked all of the twin flame boxes, but she has never confirmed anything other than clearly being overwhelming drawn to me for years when we were friends. I had a full strong and jolting awakening and everything after we finally got intimate and she promptly ghosted and said it was “too much”. It was after she ghosted that I had the awakening in her absence. But immediately after being intimate I had the heart chakra bust open and electric body feeling.
When I told her I thought she was my tf when she came back she at first was loving it but then later laughed and said it was probably a trauma bonds. Now I am thinking it is probably the case after all. I am very spiritual regardless after we had our intimate encounter, but I think it is for the best that I stop running back to her like a fool every time she appears. It is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do is to avoid her. The funny thing is she says do not contact her but then goes places and sends her friends to try to reel me in. No thanks.
So when I see her name repeatedly somewhere or someone who looks like her or a car that is like hers, I just face my feelings at the time and feel them fully. And of course it is at first the feelings of “I am so in love and this is magical and special and oh my god it’s real” and it makes me cry and bawl to accept it is not. I been crying for years but the difference before was I allowed her back in… But every time I do this feeling of my feelings it and it isn’t her, it helps to train my brain that she indeed is not popping up and that it isn’t some magical destined thing. And I won’t allow her back in even if she did pop up randomly. It gets easier every time. Shorter process each time. It was just that every time I let her back into my life I was reinforcing this reward pathway in my brain and I was believing almost anything just to get another hit of attention from her or to be around her like an addiction. And I believe she knew full well what she was doing now that I look back on it. So, be safe out there.
I had finally realized she is not anyone special more than anyone else and apologized to her for putting her on a pedestal and how embarrassing it was and how I was wrong a couple months back. There was no way she could’ve ever met those expectations I put on her and it was unfair to her. Even with all the boxes being checked for TF I don’t care. I refuse to lower myself.
And I genuinely meant that from my heart, I felt I put too high expectations and was being fanciful. I just want to move on with my life now and this method is working for me and I am happy. But, right after I apologized she blocked me. Then not long after is when someone contacted me and told me they saw her and she looked “weird” and tried to get me to go to the place she was at. Heck no.
For me my journey is realizing this person is not ever going to be worthy of me and if she ever was she would have to grow so much and she wouldn’t be playing childish games still. And every time I deny her access to my life I go through a period of intense healing and ascension almost immediately afterward. I had a full kundalini awakening when she left the first time. And then when she came back it was like all the energy left when she ghosted the second time. Now I refuse to play into her games and avoid her. I actually do much better for myself and my life is so very good without her, so I am happy to heal and block anyone who contacts on her behalf. I really don’t need her messing anything up for me with her negativity or lowering my vibe. It is highly likely that she will never heal. And the only thing I can do is give her space, refrain from enabling her, and keep my vibe as high as possible if there was any chance she really is my twin. So, either way, the answer is clearly to do what is best for me and avoid her.

Subreddit won’t let me upload photos, DM me to have photos sent or to arrange a virtual/in person showing. Please send me information about yourself like duration of stay, job occupation, and hobby interests. It will help the selection process. This listing is crossposted.⭐
💰$1000 for 1 single month (perfect for a short-term “still getting to know Chicago” commitment)
💰$900/month for 3/6/9 month lease.
———————
🟢 6x16ft furnished guest bedroom in bright newly renovated 4 bedroom, 2 bath Garfield Park house located near the beautiful Garfield Park Conservatory. Room is on the 2nd floor in close proximity to laundry, and shared bathroom with 1 housemate in the other Guest Room.
Security deposit and first month rent at time of move in.
💰$1000 for 1 single month (perfect for a short-term “still getting to know Chicago” commitment)
💰$900/month for 3/6/9 month lease.
———
Rent includes furniture, utilities, Hi-Speed wifi, air conditioning and laundry. 2 guest bedrooms have to SHARE top floor bathroom.
This is an all-genders living situation. Common areas are shared with myself (healthcare), my boyfriend (mover) and his brother (Au Cheval). Non smoking, 2 cat friendly, 1 guard dog home. 🐱🐱🐕
ABOUT THE LOCATION: Clean remodeled place near beautiful Garfield Park Conservatory. 6 to 10 min walk to CTA Green Line. This neighborhood overall doesn't have much in terms of dining and entertainment, but with the CTA Green Line/short Uber drive/Divvy bike rental you can easily access great entertainment in Oak Park, Humboldt Park, Logan Square, Wicker Park, and downtown.
For traveling healthcare professionals, closest hospitals to the residence would be: 1. Loretto 2. Medical District: UIC/Rush/Cook County 3. AMITA St. Elizabeth, St. Mary's 4. St. Anthony's 5. Gottlieb

Okay I’ll try to keep this short just curious if I was being a douchebag or not.

Folds to me in the sb I have AKo bb asks me if I want to chop (before I raise) I say I want to play it out he says okay and I limp hoping he hits something. I don’t remember exact cards but flop was nothing crazy, check check Villain says if you have it let me know and I’ll call so that’s 10$ (at this casino 10$ minimum for high hand aaa1010 or better) Turn is an ace I bet 5$ he raises his voice and says so the deal is over? I shrug and he folds I show the ace king and said I had to play it. He says you know you’re supposed to give me the 3$ back right ? I responded that he saw my hand and I had to play I just didn’t want to chop he says “idc if you have pocket aces I didn’t want to be in the hand anyways I was just playing to see if one of us gets the high hand” which I say he was the big blind he was obligated to the 3$ anyways, if I would’ve raised and he folded I was getting it regardless to which half the table seems annoyed now and someone butts in saying then you should’ve just raised and him fold. Obviously I was hoping he hit a weak pair and would give me at least 5$ or something. Only one person said they understood what I was trying to say the guy switches seats and everyone is huffing and puffing when I raise or win pots. 

It was only 3$ so I felt like a douche for all about 2 minutes was honestly planning on just giving the 3$ back till he said the comment that I should give it to him even with pocket aces.
What do yall think? It’s not like I went to play with 93o and flop a nine and get him to fold I had a really solid hand that probably had him at the max 30% equity or something pre idk seemed really bizarre and tilted me for no reason, I wanted to just shove next time it folded to me on the sb but he changed seats.

Welcome back once more, for our final discussion of Armadale. I apologize again for the discussion being late. Last week, my excuse was that I had to spend time with my sister's family, including a labradoodle. This week, I am dog-sitting my mother's beagle, who has separation anxiety and gas. I am horribly sleep-deprived because this dog insists on sleeping next to my bed every night, snoring loudly and farting. Speaking of people breathing in poison in their sleep, let's get to the recap:
Allan has just set off for the Adriatic, with his cash converted to gold, obviously the result of Manuel's suggestions. Lydia and Ozias have been transferred to Turin by Ozias's employer, and Lydia pretends to have gotten a letter from her mother, asking her to come home, so she has an excuse to go back to London. Once there, she checks the newspaper for any articles or obituaries indicating that Allan has died. She also finds Mother Oldershaw's new address, but decides not to visit her.
After a few days, she finally gets the news she's been hoping for. Allan's yacht sunk off the southern coast of Italy, and everyone on board perished. Her next step is to write to Bashwood:
My dearest Bashwood,
I desire you... I mean, I desire to *meet with you... to apologize for my previous behavior towards you. I have foolishly made the mistake of marrying an immature child. If only I had married a real man (realness not necessarily extending to his teeth and hair)!*
Please, do not show this letter to anyone. Let us meet clandestinely.
Sincerely,
Lydia Armadale (note the last name)
Lydia then considers the marriage certificate, and realizes a glaring flaw in her plan: Ozias's handwriting looks nothing like Allan's. In a panic, she decides that her only option is to get advice from Mother Oldershaw. Unfortunately, Mother Oldershaw appears to have found God, and no longer wants anything to do with Lydia's plans. (Of course, she refuses to give Lydia the signed paper that she was going to use to extort money from Lydia if her plans succeeded.)
While leaving Oldershaw's, Lydia runs into Dr. Downward... excuse me, Dr. Le Doux, totally legitimate sanitarium owner. She realizes that he may be able to advise her, and asks to meet him later at the sanitarium. The sanitarium is basically what you'd expect a 19th-century sanitarium to be: creepy old house with shelves containing jars of preserved "creatures," a "galvanic apparatus" for providing electric shocks, etc. No patients yet, though.
Lydia tells the doctor her story, leaving out the worst details (he doesn't know that she's the reason the yacht sunk, or that her husband goes by the fake name "Ozias Midwinter"). Downward agrees to assist her by claiming to be a witness to the marriage... for a fee of six hundred pounds. Lydia agrees, and he assists her in sending a letter to Thorpe Ambrose, claiming to be Allan's widow.
The next day, Lydia gets a visit from Bashwood, who delivers the news that Neelie is beside herself with grief, and Mr. Darch is handling the matter of the inheritance, which was going to go to Allan's cousin, before Lydia announced her claim.
Bashwood returns a few days later with a shocking letter from Yugoslavia: Allan is alive! This is where I'd normally try to write a funny version of the letter, but nothing I could possibly write would be funnier than the actual letter's opening line: "I have been the victim of a rascally attempt at robbery and murder." Yes, "rascally." Oh, Allan, never change. One of the would-be murderers took pity on Allan and didn't securely board up his cabin, so he was able to escape instead of sinking with the yacht.
Lydia turns to Downward for help.
Downward: What if we trap Allan in the sanitarium?
Lydia: And murder him?
Downward: WTF, no. We get him to agree to not press legal charges against us.
Lydia: And then we murder him?
Downward: I have so many regrets about teaming up with you
Lydia: How do we catch him?
Downward: You could get Bashwood to lurk around the train station and intercept him before anyone else sees him. Have him tell Allan that Miss Milroy was sent here because she was driven insane by her grief for him.
Lydia: Can we murder Allan and Miss Milroy?
Downward: I am running an unlicensed sanitarium under a false name, and even I think you're unhinged.
Lydia: Gwilty as charged
Downward: But wait, what if he doesn't agree immediately, and we have to keep him here for months? What if I have actual patients at the time, and they report us?
Lydia: What if...
Downward: ...please don't say "murder"
Lydia: ...what if he had an accident?
Downward: Oh. Well, if it was an "accident," that would be okay. I don't know how an accident could happen, though, if you aren't an inmate here.
Lydia: I'll think about it
Meanwhile, Bashwood keeps vigil at the train station, until one day he sees... Ozias, who is searching for Lydia because she's stopped writing to him. While they talk to each other, Bashwood can't contain his shock at hearing that Lydia is Ozias's wife, and accidentally calls her "Mrs. Armadale," which understandably makes Ozias suspicious, so he follows Bashwood to see where he goes, which of course leads him straight to Lydia. Lydia pretends she was never married to Ozias, and Ozias faints from the shock.
Lydia heads straight to the sanitarium, tells Downward she's going to be an inmate, and asks for a sleeping draught. Downward prepares the draught, but first places yellow liquid in a purple flask. He then informs Lydia of what he thinks they should say at the inquest after Allan dies: The two of them knew he hadn't drowned, but when he arrived in England, they decided to trap him in the sanitarium because, shortly after his marriage to Lydia, Allan had starting having a delusion that he was engaged to Neelie. Once in the sanitarium, Downward diagnosed Allan with an incurable and fatal brain ailment, and that's what killed him.
Downward has scheduled a "Visitors' Day" so that people will witness Lydia as an inmate in the asylum. The visitors are mostly women, because life as a woman in Victorian England was so boring, they had nothing better to do than go to sanitariums to gawk at the mentally ill people and see where they will eventually live when the hysteria finally drives them mad. (I am only barely paraphrasing. The actual quote is "In the miserable monotony of the lives led by a large section of the middle classes of England, anything is welcome to the women which offers them any sort of harmless refuge from the established tyranny of the principle that all human happiness begins and ends at home.")
Downward shows them around the sanitarium and explains how it will be run, including only allowing novels that make people feel comfortable. (I assumed this was an intentional satire of Wilkie's critics, and the notes in the Oxford World's Classics edition confirmed this.)
But then Downward gave a sales pitch that damn near sold me on his sanitarium. "I throw up impregnable moral intrenchments between Worry and You. ... Will ten minutes’ irritation from a barking dog or a screeching child undo every atom of good done to a nervous sufferer by a month’s medical treatment? There isn’t a competent doctor in England who will venture to deny it!" Considering I almost couldn't post last week's discussion because of a few hours' exposure to two loud children and a labradoodle, I'm about ready to self-diagnose with hysteria and deranged lunacy.
He also explains that while the bedrooms lack fireplaces, they're heated with hot water. This impressed me because I've read about Victorian insane asylums not having fireplaces in the bedrooms (since the inmates might burn themselves), but I always assumed this meant that the inmates were cold in the winter. But wait... the bedroom also has secret controls that let him open, close, and lock the window and door from the outside, and a vent that lets him pump gas into the room. Whaaat? I rescind my diagnosis of hysteria and deranged lunacy. I want nothing to do with this.
After the tour is finished, Downward demonstrates to Lydia how to prepare the poison, and then breaks the bottle so that his assistant (who doesn't know about the purple flask) will think there's no more of that chemical in the house.
Meanwhile, Ozias is stalking Bashwood at the train station. He thinks Lydia is cheating on him, and Bashwood is waiting for Lydia's lover. But then he sees Bashwood with Allan. After confronting the two of them, he learns Bashwood's story about having to take Allan to Neelie in the sanitarium. Realizing that Lydia is probably still behind Bashwood's actions, Ozias insists on going with the two of them. On arriving at the sanitarium, Allan is informed that Neelie cannot see him until the morning, but he and Ozias are welcome to spend the night: Allan in Room Four, and Ozias in Room Three.
Lydia sets Bashwood up to spy on Allan's door from a room with a grate in its door. She tells him to make sure Allan stays in his room all night. Later, watching from the grate, Bashwood observes Ozias leave his room and examine the fumigating apparatus connected to Allan's room. Then Ozias stuffs his handkerchief in the grate, blocking Bashwood's view, before going into Allan's room and convincing Allan to switch rooms with him.
Later that night, Lydia returns and asks Bashwood if anything happened. Too afraid to tell her about the handkerchief, he tells her nothing happened, and she dismisses him to bed. After almost convincing herself to not go through with it, she then starts the process of pouring the poison at five minute intervals. While waiting for one of the intervals to pass, she notices Ozias's handkerchief and realizes that Bashwood lied to her. She checks in Room Three, and finds Allan asleep where Ozias should be.
In a panic, Lydia rushes into Room Four and drags the unconscious Ozias out. She then continues to pour the poison, writes a last letter to Ozias, and locks herself in the room.
We end with an epilogue that rapidly ties up all the random loose ends. Lydia has been buried in a nearly unmarked grave. The doctor is apparently still running his sanitarium. Allan and Neelie will be married in the spring. Mrs. Milroy doesn't have much longer to live, but she's undergone a personality change for some reason and she and the Major are happy for once. Ozias is recovering and living with Allan. Mother Oldershaw is a religious speaker, apparently. Bashwood has gone insane. Manuel drowned.
But wait, one last thing: Wilkie has something to say to us. He wants us to know that he intended the dream to be left up to interpretation. Thanks for handing me a discussion question like that, Wilkie. He also shares a weird-ass story about how, after he'd finished the rough draft and while the story was in the middle of serialization, several people were poisoned in their sleep on a boat called The Armadale. Okay, Wilkie. Thank you for that incredibly weird anecdote.

Idk why so many men encourage other people to see them and tell the world that they're "clean," lol. First of all HPV can't be tested for in men, and only the high-risk strains are tested for in women. That leaves the low-risk wart strains undetectable and transmittable, plus 99% of people are asymptomatic when catching these strains so they won't even know they have it. When it comes to Herpes tests, they're not even accurate. You can test negative and be positive. All it takes is a person like me who DOES get symptoms to expose what infections a person really has. I caught Ghonnorea and HPV the first time I ever had sex WITH A CONDOM and it did not break. Condoms aren't even 100% affective against bacterial infections, so it's possible. I caught HPV but I didn't get symptoms of the genital kind until a few months later, but I did get hand warts about a week later from simply touching her body (not her genitals). This just shows what kind of viruses and bacteria are lingering on these girls. I got the Ghonnorea treated and figured that it was just bad luck and so I saw another one about 3 weeks after the first and then I quit seeing them due to the fear of catching more STD'S. After about 3 months of not seeing them I started developing genital warts, which I thought was the only thing that I caught but then 2 years later I had a random genital herpes outbreak because it stayed dormant that long. I obviously caught it from one of those girls aswell. Those were my only sexual encounters ever, and I've been celibate for 3 years since then. This reckless behavior happened during a phase of depression because im ugly and was never going to get a regular woman anyway, but the STD'S really solidified it.

Hello all! Ever since the hot-fix on Wednesday (May 15th) playing this game has been a nightmare; a whiplash of emotions. The bugs have probably made this game unplayable for a bunch of us, some of us more so than others. Not all of the issues mentioned here may apply to everyone…but this is my personal experience.
I’ve had my game crash at least 20 times or more since Wednesday, and my local save has been corrupted at least half as many times. (Honestly, I’ve lost count…). To deal with this corruption, it’s vital to have a backup of your local save file (from your system). The PlayStation Plus subscription offers cloud saving through the system’s option menu (hover over the DDV application, press the options button on the controller, and select “upload/download save data”). You can save your game data to cloud storage. After a crash, going to “upload/download save data” can show you if your local save is corrupted. If it is, download the backup from the cloud, and it will overwrite the corrupted save. Opening the game will show you a pop up stating there’s a conflict between the local save and the Game Server’s cloud save, (if you have also been cloud saving from in the game’s settings when you play). If your game server cloud save is up to date compared to your back up local save, select the cloud save, and you will have your game restored to its most recent save.
If you don’t have PS+, you can use a USB drive storage device to back up your save file. Go to you system settings and select “Manage Save data” (I forgot if this is the correct name); you can then select where to save your backup, and upload your DDV file to your device. This same menu will let you download to your system as well.
Now that I have the the back up process out of the way, here’s the main part of my post!
The main valley seems to contain most of the actions that cause crashes: 1. Using furniture mode for too long and exiting out of it (outside). 2. Entering the main menu and exiting it while OUTSIDE. 3. Interacting with Goofy and Christof’s stalls. 4. Cooking outside… (the developers gave a message in the mailbox with a list of all the food items that will make the game crash. it seems safe to use the DLC Ancient Cooker outside, however, I have experienced some crashes when using it sometimes.)
Not being able to access the menu means: we can’t SAVE our game! 😭 no access to the map, Dreamlight Duties, event tab, quest tab, or the starpath tasks.
HOWEVER I discovered that you CAN safely open up the menu when inside your house (or other villager houses). Essentially, any location that requires you to “step out” of the valley and has its own loading screen, will be a safe place to access the menu. Cooking and using the furniture menu indoors is safe as well. I even stepped into the Dream Castle, and it’s safe there too. Also, I can still use Scrooge’s store and Remy’s Restaurant.
Sadly, my game still crashes randomly sometimes; running through the valley, entering Remy’s, entering Scrooge’s, and using the Furniture menu outside.
Not being able to use goofy’s stall is a Major issue: I can’t sell anything or buy seeds I need. (Sugarcane is required to make cupcakes, and Star coins are needed to buy milk and butter, as well as furniture.) The only work-around for this specific issue requires the DLC. Playing the game in Eternity Isle is entirely safe from crashes (supposedly because it’s a separate server from Dreamlight Valley.) I can sell any extra items I’ve gathered or buy seeds to grow fruit and make money…but I don’t think I have access to sugarcane. The only thing that’s saved me in this case is that I had a stash of sugarcane seeds stored in my vegetable storage room.
I’m trying decorate in short bursts, and going indoors to save my progress whenever I can. All I can do is hope my save doesn’t get corrupted every single time it crashes, and restore my save file when it does.
Sorry for the long post, but I hope this helps some of you who are suffering from crashes the same as me. All we can do is contact support and hope they provide us with an update on the situation next week.
Good luck everyone! And wish me luck in completing my amusement park for my Dreamsnaps. It’s incredibly challenging at the moment, but I haven’t given up!

I'll try to keep this as straight to the point as possible, although I admit I am STRESSED OUT and probably overthinking:

• I have a male cat, PW, who is about 10 years old. He's lived with other cats multiple times before (used to live in NYC/move frequently); never did a formal introduction process and never had any issues or fights.
  
• My partner has a female cat, H, who is about 8 years old. As far as we know, she's never lived with other cats. She is generally a very anxious and insecure cat, for example she struggles to eat without someone standing next to her at her food dish.
  
• For about 2 weeks, PW was staying in the second bedroom at my partner's old apartment, and we tried introducing them through the door at mealtimes. H would hiss at and stare through the door, and lunged at it once, but was able to tolerate eating with the door gap uncovered. PW was calm and non-reactive and responded to H mostly with curiosity and/or trepidation. We also did some scent swapping for short periods of time and began using Feliway plugins.
  
• For the last 4 weeks, we have had them separated in our new home. For week 1 and week 2, the cats were separated in their own bedrooms, and would have designated times to explore the rest of the house. During this time period H would antagonize PW through the door gap, and dragged away towels that we used to block the door. We stopped doing mealtimes at the door (not sure if this was a mistake?) and focused on scent swapping. There was an altercation; we didn't see what happened but H had been exploring the house and antagonized PW through the door gap, and he was able to scratch her paw, causing light bleeding. We got draft stoppers that velcro to the doors after this, so H can't detach them.
  
• After week 2, we made a "cat area" in the basement and have had the cats on separate floors, swapping 2-3 times a day. However since we are rarely in the basement, the cat downstairs will frequently meow or paw at the door. They both seem less stressed overall not being trapped in a single bedroom, but we're concerned that they may be feeling resource competition over our attention/time. We do play with and feed the cats downstairs, but it's nowhere near 50/50, and only one cat can be upstairs overnight to sleep with us (which both cats are accustomed to.)
  
• Another incident occurred when we were not present, and PW was somehow able to knock the basement door open. We're not sure how things started, but when we got downstairs PW lunged and pounced on H, and sliced up my partner pretty bad when he got between them. It was around dinnertime and I suspect PW was hungry and irritable, H was antagonizing him through the door, and he was able to lunge at her when the door bumped open. She was not injured but was clearly very afraid.
  
• After weeks of her hissing at him, PW is now much more reactive to H than he seemed to be previously; H also seems increasingly anxious about PW after these altercations. We still haven't been doing shared mealtimes and are focusing on scent swapping and getting them to stop antagonizing each other through the door.
  

My questions:

• Is using food/mealtime actually a good way to get them to calm down with the door scraps? It feels notable to me that they're more likely to antagonize each other this way when they're hungry. Even though there was some hissing when we tried it before, H was able to eat with PW around, and I feel like re-introducing positive mealtime associations would be a good thing. My partner is concerned about "pushing it" and making things worse so I'm not sure what the right move is.
  
• How do we make having them on separate floors less stressful for them? Personally I think we should get more toys and cat trees for the basement to make it more exciting; right now there's a scratching post, some shelves to jump on, a few comfy seats, a TV (which I try to put cat TV videos on as often as possible) and a toy on a string, but nothing the cats can really play with on their own. I think this would make a big difference, is there an inexpensive way to further cat-ify the basement?
  
• How do we actually get things moving in a positive direction?? I'm having such a hard time not being discouraged by the fact that it feels like in the last 6 weeks, we've only been moving backwards. I would really like to figure out how to start making positive associations and helping them get along, because I am seriously stressing myself sick about keeping them separated and avoiding another (worse) fight.
  

Hey! This post is mainly about roleplaying online, but there are things involving D&D too. I hope it is okay to make a post like this! If anyone wants to use this story for their video, feel free to.
Disclaimer: I talk about self worth a lot, and how I harmed myself mentaly by thinking how worthless I was. Also there is a subtle mention of my self harm past. Just in case someone has problems being confronted with this!
Disclaimer 2: There is a transphobic comment coming from a person, that I don't see as to bad, but some might see as worse than I do. Also there is transphobia towards genderfluid people, so look out for yourself.
Disclaimer 3: This person is NOT transphobic, but they were pretty uninformed and unsensitive. This doesn't make it better, but I clearly want to seperate transphobic statements from being actively hateful towards trans people.
So I was roleplaying ever since 2016, when I was 14 years old. A few years later, I met a guy, which I'll call Chris in the context of this post. Our first time meeting online was tied to some drama. For roleplaying, we made wikis for our characters, and often would use existing characters from games and medias as a design reference. When I used a reference, Chris was really pissed, because he announced that he would use this character a few dqys ago, and I was already writing a character with that as their reference. I knew he planned that, and didn't say anything, thinking it would be better to just speed it up. Dumb decision of me, rough start, but soon we'd get along. It was pretty fun, we were both sorta the memeish people, and he seemed to be a nice guy.
We soon became friends, after I went into an RP break. During that break I needed to sort things out, due to covid and my outing as a trans fem, and a difficult relationship with my parents. I had a bad case of... thoughts and it hurt my self awareness, and self view on my "worth in life", but once that was sorted out, I decided to play again, and went into a older Roleplay, hosted by Chris. There were still some leftovers of lacking self love, though it got eventualy better during roleplay. Soon I realized that Cris and I would argue often about the simplest things. I decided it was not a big deal, and we would get passed these issues, sometimes without resolving it, sometimes with me being able to lay my stubborness away, which I am not proud of. In the cases in which he started the fight, I sometimes felt gaslit into thinking that I was the problem. It hurt my vision of my own worth, and I started to skill evasion, to not talk about certain things, just not to get reminded of how "worthless" I am. Sometimes I told Chris about this issue, and he'd be empathetic, but calmly said I need to work on it. He had a lot of self love, it felt like he couldn't understand my issue, but I don't know anything specific, after all I can't look into someones head. I think he meant well, but it felt unsensitive, and unempathetic at the end.
The roleplay he hosted took place in a big world, with a really awesome lore, not only in terms of world building, but also in terms of characters and species. The big issue I had was, that Chris introduced enemies to me, that he planned to be introduced in the roleplay way later, while he planned more and more main enemies to exist. As far as I know, the first main enemy still is the main enemy, despite being introduced for almost 4 years now. And paired with his situational motivation to roleplay (which is completely fine generaly, but then we'd need a solution for the main enemies), and his and my tendencies to create character after character (I had 63 characters for that roleplay), we never got to progress, and instead thickened our own characters plots.
One situation was pretty odd. When coping with trans discrimination, I often write stories or characters, that faced these problems too. That way I often felt like I could make it out of my strange situations too. I made a character that I was really proud of, gave her a trans fem backstory, that was one of the better one's I have written at that time and made her a badass, etherial bookworm with magic powers. Chris said that her issues with her trans discriminatory parents would be unrealistic, due to the utopic monarchy they'd live in, and because his queen character could change trans peoples bodies if they'd like to, by using magic. It was honestly weird, because I didn't know if he was supportive there, or unsupportive in that moment, but I know that it made me sad, and I stopped making her trans identity imoortant to progress the plot between her and her parents. This was also a character he often talked down, and Chris often stated his dislike towards her. (That was not of transphobic background, he just didn't like her character and I guess her skill set)
I also made a character that could shift from male to female, and the other way around, based on the skills used. It also was a solution for me wanting to use two design references without having to chose one, and dable into non-binary umbrella story writing, and play a genderfluid person, because I never did that before. After researching on those gender identities, I was hyped to try it out. He also stated, that he thought her being female-only would be cooler. My mind told me, that we potentialy would have this conversation more often, so to not get annoyed by him later on, I changed that person into a cis-female, which I think was really sad.
We had a solidified group of 5ish players that often did stuff together on discord. Sometimes some other people would join our discord server and talk. Daily roleplay players were peaking at... idk 10-15 players probably. Chris, me, and Arin (a friend of us, not his real name) often would hangout in the discord, talk about the roleplay and some funny, silly stuff. Memes were made, we made fun of each others characters (consentualy) and talk about nerdy shit often. At one point, we'd make silly tier lists, which I sometimes took to serious, because most of them were just silly stuff and I got offended by those... which I am also not proud of and have apologized for.
The only exception in which things were rather weird, were the power scale tierlists. My characters usualy got ranked into the higher middle spots, but sometimes I felt like Chris would talk some of them down a little. Having some characters be weaker was sometjing I was always open too, sometimes I would make younger and unexperienced characters after all. Even if he didn't talk down on my characters (which is possible too, those tierlists were subjective after all) then he definitely did with others. Other players characters we wouldn't regularly play with, were seen as weaker, which I thought was weird. Knowing all of those characters was impossible, because there were 120ish at the time, but they were still ranked, and the tierlists were publicaly posted in the roleplay chat. Some people got offended by that, which I can understand.
There was some out of rp stuff too, that annoyed me about Chris. Often it was about being the #1 simp of media character X, Y, Z... you name them. It got pretty out of hand, but once I told him directly, that I think that this attitude was annoying, and that he can't look at other people and be like "Yeah, this person doesn't love my waifu as much as I do", and that it was a weird thing to rank ik the first olace, it got quiter in that region.
Sometimes we argued about music, and he tried to come off as more informed as me, a metal/death screamer, and djent guitarist, with music theory as a hobby. And I'm not trying to say he couldn't, but he said some very uninformed stuff, and tried to gatekeep... I guess the subject "Favorite music"? by saying stuff like "People who don't know their favorite songs lyrics obviously don't have that as their favorite". That statement is weird, because as a guitarist, in some songs I pay more attention to the guitars more, than the lyrics. Especially because I have ADHD and often get distracted when trying to listen to song lyrics. We both regularly listened to japanese music too, which we both can't speak nor understand. It'd bring me down into thinking, that I might not be a great musician, or that I was to radical when someone hurts my feelings, or simply says something weird and uninformed. But I showed this to other friends, and they said that I was not. Even Arin often would find the reason for the arguements rediculous, and 9/10 times it was coming from Chris.
Arin would soon start to feel like me and Chris fighting would be nothing unusual, and that was a reality check for me if I ever had one. At some point, I realized when I got into a different discord server, and was being more involved with my real life friends again, that something fell off in the friendship between me and Chris. But at that time, me, Arin and Chris prepared a pirate setting D&D campaigne, which I was extremely excited about. I used to play D&D when I was 15-16 years old, and remembered having fun, so getting back to it was a great thing for me. I made a female babarian, weilding a sword and a axe, with a high roll of 15 strength, and was really happy with her. Her backstory was sorta basic, but it was still tragic and it was good enough for me to enjoy. I roughly remember, it was about her losing her family, and her becoming a mercinary, that would be part of a two people pirate crew now, because she got payed to.
All of this was for nothing though. Me and Chris fought again. The fight was about a word, that I used in a romantic context, him not knowing the word, and after googling the definition, thinking it couldn't be used in that situation. Both of us would get stupidly mad. He said some really hurtful shit, saying that I would weigh my friendships now, and that my new friends would be more important to me now. Me, Chris and some other frienfs had a Gartic Phone session coming up, hosted by me, and we didn't talk before or after that, because I told him that I need distance to sort things out. But sorting things out would mean to finally distance myself from him this time, and thus I ended the friendship.
The D&D campagne dropped, I spent more time with my other friends, and... never got to play D&D ever since. (It's been 2 years now) The same campaigne was DMed by Arin later on, when his girlfriend took my place instead. I can understand Arins decision, and we are not in bad blood, he is still my friend. Yet it felt like a kick in the face, because all my friends would have a campaigne now, and I was left in the dark, noticing people get to play D&D left and right. And his girlfriend told me that she thought Chris was really exhausting to play with too. To be gair though, I never adressed this issue with Arin, because he is constantly DMing for 2 years now, in a group with Chris. I feel like telling him this would make things either worse, and it feels like I'd pushy.
What was worse though, I talked to Chris nearly every day, leaving me with a feeling that something really important was torn away, because I ended the friendship. It felt like I did something stupid again, and I felt worthless again, until I got told otherwise. I tried coming back to that specific roleplay multiple times again, and roleplay with a friend of me and Chris, even trying to be in contact with Chris again. He has definitely changed, but after a few weeks of contact, I decided we couldn't stay in contact, and slowly let the contact slip away from us, without starting any fight. Any attempt for roleplay is ruined for me now, but I think I'd give D&D another try.
I definitely did some stupid shit too, because I got really emotional. But after building a wall between me and Chris, I noticed that a lot of the crap in our friendship was not just coming from me. That I was allowed to love myself too, and that he gaslit me often. I'm not sure if I ever get back to pure roleplay, but after 2 years, I am willing to give D&D another chance, after feeling left out for such a long time now.

Chapter 1: Meeting C and F

About a year ago on May 2023, I was walking home from a long day at uni and just got done a long programming class. On my way back to the station I was approached by 2 girls. 1 chinese girl we’ll call C, and 1 girl from argentina we’ll call F.
Now they wanted to ask questions for their survey, I was happy to answer because I don’t mind helping others out. They eventually talked about my background and religion and we eventually exchanged phone numbers because I thought they were pretty friendly.
I talked to C a lot, I mean a lot. She wanted me to go out with her, I denied a hundred times because I find the city mentally exhausting. I eventually agreed and we went out and ate food. At the time I thought she was extremely friendly. I don’t remember between this time period and when we first done bible study. So i’ll get onto that.

Chapter 2: Meeting S and J

Me and C went out to QV and she was telling me she was meeting her colleague/mentor I didn’t think much of it at the time. We eventually started doing bible study because I was curious about Christianity, my family are heavy Christians so I thought why not learn about it?
We only done 1 bible study per week because I didn’t wanna sacrifice other parts of my life (my actual friends, gym, family, alone time and yes I like to be alone at times). S tried to convince me to start going 2 times a week but I keep declining, I eventually agreed. My mental health at this point was starting to go downhill a tiny bit.
After a few weeks I think, I went out with C to an event that I didn’t really wanna go to, I wake up late so this gave her a massive inconvenience for C (good thing I did that), and we only attended the event at I think it was called ibis hotel.
There I met J, he seemed a bit off to me but nonetheless I greeted him. I didn’t like the vibe this guy gave me. He said him and C known each other from high school.
C told me that S will teach J bible study, keep in mind that our studies are 2 times a week and it’s been like that for 3-4 weeks? S taught J in 1 week and I was very suspicious. I kept that in mind just incase, which actually helped.

Chapter 3: Manipulation

S would convince me to go 3 times a week now and i’m aware that she’s trying to manipulate me now, I could tell and see right through. I kept on declining because I thought what else is she hiding? What if she starts making me go 4 times a week?
When I got home, I gave it some thought, I eventually decided to do 3 times a week, I was extremely skeptical and curious at the same time. Next lesson I said I will go 3 times a week. At around this timeline at October 2023, my mental health wasn’t doing so great. I had to take an 1hr 2min train ride from my area to CBD and back. I told my family that I was doing extra stuff for my uni. They didn’t bat an eye.

Chapter 4: Wonder

This place S told us to go to was hosted at 52 Albert Street, South Melbourne and we had to go there 3 times a week. You could go any day of the week besides Sunday and you could either attend 10:30am - 12:30pm classes or 6:30pm or 8:30pm, being a late sleeper I chose the evenings.
When I first went there S introduced me to her colleague Z. Now Z seemed like a very positive and caring individual. But I didn’t really see it like that tbh. She seemed like someone that manipulated people. And I was spot on. I had to go out with Z once but her vibe was off to me. Keep in mind we haven’t spoken to F since we like met all the way back on May 2023.
As for the classes itself, the atmosphere before classes commenced were like happy reunion places and that it’s all sunshine and rainbows and anybody was welcome. This place felt extremely off to me. After the classes finished we would split off into homerooms, I just left when the classes finished and Z tried to beg me to stay back for homerooms, I kept on declining and Z said it’s like 10-20mins but the homerooms are like another hour, I eventually told her to piss off. For once I stopped eventually agreeing.
I thought to myself “What kind of fucking rabbit hole did I go down? And what are all these people especially my “friends” getting out of this? What’s in it for them? Why are they doing all these teachings about God for free?”
I kept all the past events on mind to see what I would do next. We were discouraged from using tech and I was told to delete photos of the whiteboard, my reason was because I needed to save them for notes, but I now it’s because that they don’t want any of their faces exposed. I do still have a photo of Z on my camera roll. As she took a selfie with me on my phone when we went out.

Chapter 5: Decline of Mental Health

After a month or 2 on these classes, my mental health was down the drain, one of my friends from high school we will name D also attended these classes. Which felt weird as the city has been the most isolating feeling I have come across.
I had a couple catch up sessions with Z even though I most of the classes. Every class I missed Z would call me and set up a catch up session. Anyways I stopped going for like a week because I didn’t wanna go. Z would call me and just be annoying she wouldn’t give me personal time and space and told me I was selfish.
Now because I didn’t wanna deal with Z at all, I ghosted her for a week, she was angry with me. I told C that I didn’t wanna go for like a week and she understood.

Chapter 6: The Final Straw

Now going into my final class my mate D messaged me and found out these classes are SCJ. I was furious but unsurprised at the same time. Keep in mind I was about to quit these bible studies for good like a week before he found out, it was very toxic towards my mental health.
In my last class Z told me to come with her, we had a 1 on 1. It was like I was being interrogated. Keep in mind I had important appointments too that week I was absent. She told me to still try to attend bible study during those days. I told her no. I told her explicitly I can’t cancel appointments I already set up weeks ago. I could tell she was trying to manipulating me.
She even tried to fake cry I can tell straight away, she told me how selfish I was and that Satan is overtaking me, and how the events of Revelations are gonna commence anytime. I didn’t care, it felt like for the first time in this whole ordeal, I was finally ready to speak out my own opinions. I told her no, she tried to convince me, I tell her no. Until class ended and C asked me if I was okay, to which I replied yes.
As for C and J, they were just there to attend classes with me, J still gave me weird vibes but I was cool with C. S wasn’t present and attended classes once in a blue moon. And as for F, yeah well we can forget about her. Everytime I went home they took the tram with me until we parted ways at the train station.
Now I asked C a question I don’t remember related to the bible, she knew the answer instantly and too well. Now I was convinced that S, C, and J (SCJ reference!) have attempted at recruiting me. I decided to eventually never attend these classes again.
When I got home, I messaged S C J and Z that I will never attend bible study again and how toxic it was towards my mental health.
I answered it in the most friendly manner, that I thanked these bible study sessions for opening my eyes up with God and how important it is to stay away from False Prophets (which I found funny because they talked about 1 John 4:1 and they were false prophets themselves, kinda hypocritical isn’t it?) and I was gonna take my own path with God. And it was a safer option for me.

• Z didn’t reply.
• C asked me why I thought it was SCJ, to which I gave her answers and evidence. She wanted to go out with me again with J, but I said no.
• J told me that he was suspicious and he will talk to Z, I told him that Z is highly manipulative and to not be dumb. Haven’t heard from him since. Most likely a member.
• S surprised me, I thought she would berate me for not loving God and following Satan, as she was responsible for all the events happening. She wished me luck on my journey and fully supported my decision. She didn’t like force me to have an opinion, so I thanked her and wished her good luck.

Chapter 7: Epilogue

After a few months of not going city, staying home, and going on my own lane. My mental health has been in top shape and i’m just grateful that I can hang out with my real friends, spend time with my family that I started to miss. Go and work hard at the gym
I caught up with D a few months later, we had a blast, ever since I left SCJ I haven’t been to the city a lot. Maybe once or twice with my mates, I hate the city now thanks to how mentally exhausting it is for me largely thanks to SCJ. I hate the vibe now. I love my home area and I don’t intend that to change. It’s peaceful for me now.
C contacted me a few months ago, she wanted to catch up with me again, I told her i’ll think about it. Didn’t reply back to her as I didn’t wanna encounter anything again that’s related to SCJ.
Now it’s been a whole year since this whole fiasco started, haven’t spoken any of them and my life has continued on as normal, as if nothing happened. I have many friends that I still talk to. I go uni now again but I don’t like going city anymore. So I get in and out asap. I did see C outside my uni like a few weeks ago but I kept my head down and hid from her path till she walked past me, she didn’t see me at all. Oh and i’m doing well mentally now.

[fucking long] (22m) I genuinely don't remember when I was last happy, like I remember when my parents were together in a decent looking house in a higher middle class neighborhood when my second sibling was born enjoying the time we spent together just playing outside with our rude neighbors and petting our cats indoors and just being kids. Not long after that we went for a walk by a pond with some geese and my mother became irate with my father said some stuff (that I honestly don't remember) and took his tin of dip pouches, told me to eat some and threw the rest to geese. Afterwards my father tried to get me to spit them up we went home. I don't think we talked about it or even went to a doctor. 2 years after that we were staying at my grandparents house bc my grandma was terminal, and maybe a week or two after she passes. We went to the funeral I was crying and crying and I don't remember what else happened. I don't know why but after that I was told that we were going to go see Grandpa again and to get ready, when I went to my room I remember crying and choking myself with a cord to some kids magnify glass (I don't know why I did that) and I don't remember the trip. We ended moving again but were in the same town. My last sibling was born, I ended up getting to choose his middle name pretty prideful of it. My father and mother fight bc my mother feels neglected, so my father ops to work nights. My mother feels that my father doesn't help with the family, he cooks meals 4 times a week. My mother thinks we should be going to therapy, so we do. The therapist thinks I have depression, so I get prescribed antidepressants at 8. Turns out I'm allergic and break out into hives, ended up going to the hospital and getting prescribed steroids. (This happened 3 times total) Parents have a big fight bc Mom was caught with another man in the house, mother moves us to a different town closer to her family. Mom takes me with her to see father in original house at night, he's on the porch sitting in the doorway just sleeping and loopy. Mother is waking him up saying something about him having a problem. (Years later he told me that paramedics were called on him since he nearly ODed on opioids, and he nearly died) Dad comes to check on us and parents are being happy again. Mother's family doesn't like dad (apparently my grandfather is super racist and found out that my father is 1/4 aa from his grandmother. IDK why he never said bitched about it years before, but different matter.) They get back together in the original house, and not even a year later I see my mother talking to a random guy in a laundry mat bring it up to her and she starts hitting me telling me to forget it. More time they fight, we end up leaving in the middle of the night with my father being put into a cop car. (He was released a day later doing nothing to my mother. But what's funny is that the expensive stuff that was bought for my siblings and self was seemingly gone, with my father saying that he assumes that it was my mother and our pothead neighbors nextdoor.) Mother ended up moving us around three times before we stayed in a the same shitty town that my mother was born in with 3 potheads my mother said were her friends. (Personal hatred of stoners) I licked a spoon from a pot of jambalaya, so the prick that my mother was dating waited until I went to sleep and scared me awake [while wearing a balaklava and all black] holding me down, before getting off of me saying that he scared me and to never eat from the ladle again. My cousin let me smoke some weed with him that he never said was laced until I later asked(I don't remember what is was but I remember everything looking static and blocky). I threaten to call the cops on the prick that my mother was dating if he did anything to them. So my mother puts me in a program called options, I was there for a month before my father pulled me out of it. My mother moves to a trailer next to a daycare, I end up riding a short bus and end up going to the daycare. I ended up fighting with the caretaker saying that I could just take care of myself over at my home, and later that night I get into another fight with the prick my mother was dating. Got put in another options clinic further away and labeled with Asperger's before getting it changed to autism and AdHD without even testing me, was two weeks before my father pulled me out. My mother gets me again, takes me with her to a Kroger parking lot where she sells her pills to someone. I mentioned it to my father when I saw him again. Some time later we went back to the stoner house and my father goes there and started yelling and following my mother outside where she was putting us kids in the car. (Apparently he found out that my mother was letting us be around these people who 2 of them had SA charges with one of them being with a minor.) Before decking the shit out of the prick and break his jaw (unfortunately only needed to get his jaw wired for a month). Aunt saw a text message from my father on the phone that was given to me [said that he was sorry that my siblings and me had to experience all of that] and ripped it out of my hands saying that I should never talk to him. My father ended up being put in jail for a year. My mother left the prick and got together with a dirt bag that my father used to be friends with. They would typically go out to eat with his daughters leaving us at home and give us the scraps from their take out or just tell us to make something ourselves (I was 13 and never taught anything), after that I got pissed and ended up disappearing for a whole day because I didn't want to go to school and ended up having some cops looking for me and amber alert and being sent to live with my dad. (I don't care I fucking won) Some time later I ended up breaking my leg from roller skating in school and permanently getting it removed from the criteria and ruining everyone's 7th grade year. (feel like a winner) Moving to a new town with dad(final town to this day), going to highschool. [Retrospect] Some cute girl sat across from me at the library wanting to interlock hands, so I did. She asked if it felt special (I didn't know what that meant to me), I said no and she never talked to me again. Another cute girl, asked me on the last day of middle school if I was interested in anyone and if I wanted to date. I said no (I didn't think I deserved anything and didn't want to waste her time) Freshman year I ended up "e-dating" two people I met on Wattpad(I am aware how cringe I am). First person was someone who suffered anorexia and we used Skype would talk daily and she ended up breaking things up 3 weeks after. Second person was someone who wanted to talk and watch each other sleep before she ultimately changed it to having us sext(hoimomes and teens) her friend wanted her to break up saying that I was probably some old man who was a pedo. (I did not leave that area of the Internet in the healthiest way possible, both for my mental being and how I left the people on there) Pretty much zoomed though highschool stabbing someone freshman year, being thought to be a potential shooter, and overall being treated with fear and respect. Though some people did think I was wasting my potential, especially since I never did my homework but always scored high on my tests and was always asleep at home. Highschool graduation was ruined by COVID, I didn't care. Got a job working on a warehouse dock buying knifes and testing how sharp they were on the top side of only one of my arms, slowly breaking mentally before asking a friend(19m) out saying that was fearful that I was nothing more than a background friend.. 9 months and 3 grand later we broke up (and I don't talk to him to this day) Quit the job, was unemployed for a year just sleeping in bed all day, wound up poisoning my self with caffeine pills so bad that I was taken to a hospital. Got another job, wound up continuing the knife hobby before stopping (stopped feeling any emotion related to the pain, so it was pointless) and got into a different hobby (to burry any resentment or negative feelings) And that's been going up until today with me getting so bored that I was curious how much weight I would lose if I stopped eating every other day. (Lost 25lbs from 210 to 185 yoyo-ing 180 if I don't eat enough calories)
all I feel daily is nothing but empty and tired. The only reason that I am still here is the self hatred for everything I've done wrong by own admission or what I've been told by horrible mother.
Tldr: I am the mistake of two fuck ups and am still here by the means of so much self hatred that I ignore my loneliness.

I've known a group since we met online over the course of 2019-2021. We've called nearly every day for years, and I don't have anyone nearly as close as these people in my life. There's about five of them, with a few others who are less present but join call and hang out ever so often.
For context, I created a discord server for all of us to hang out in, which has existed since 2020 and is still our main 'base of operations'. Because of this, I do find the server had centered around me more than I would like, since I am mainly the one inviting users, initiating game/movie nights, etc... Which has caused a power imbalance that I frankly hate. In this server, there are two who I'll call X and Y.
X & Y know each other IRL for far longer than they have known me, but recently X had grown much closer to me than Y, which has led to Y constantly talking depressingly about themselves being a bad friend, and being upset with us for 'being good at talking together'. I find this extremely frustrating considering they hang out all the time without me, and because Y has increased efforts to leave me out so they can feel better.
That argument and aftermath caused a chain of events for me, in which I had more frequent thoughts regarding loneliness, feeling left out, and feeling as if I didn't really have anyone who was my number one/main friend/do or die. I became paranoid that an day, these people would all abandon me and I would have no one that considered me their most important.
That feeling turned into a preemptive betrayal, and now I just feel like I can't enjoy any of them, even if they're all I have. Like I know they don't care, so I stop joning vcs. But then id rationalize and tell myself its not that deep, join, and leave soon after because I just feel deep rooted hate for these people. Like they aren't funny anymore, like I feel its all fake.
The weirdest part about all of this is that I know I still like them, because I never hate every person at once. Its weird, but it switches. Ill hate X for a few days, even when they're my best friend, ill be short with them, reply less, act as if i didn't hear them when I did, etc.. Only to suddenly lose all those emotions and realize how much they matter to me, talk them up a storm and have a wonderful time. This even happens with other people in the server that aren't around much, where even if I never had a negative experience with them, I refuse to speak in vcs or chats they are in and join only when they are gone.
I just wish that i could go back to how it was, but no matter how much therapy I get or how much I rationalize, my anger is always there and picking a new person to be mad at to the point where Im just so dreadful to be around because I become a total asshat. I know its probably me, but I also blame Y for a lot of my feelings, I just wish they'd stop whining and realize no ones replacing anyone with anyone else (but that could just be directed anger or some shit).