Angry quotes for tattoos

So, my wife 23f and me 29m we got together almost 3 years ago, we met on tinder, she already had 2 kids and they didn't have a father so after about 6 months we moved in together and i took over the role as a father to them and they thought of me as their dad they are 3 and 5 now currently, we then had a child together a girl, shortly after we got married. She struggled with mentall illnesses like bi-polar etc. and for the last 6 months of our marriage it turns out she had been sleeping with a lifelong friend of mine who i even had a matching tattoo with, and the other one she was sleeping with when he was going through a divorce and needed a place to stay i allowed him to stay with me until he found a place. She confided in one of our friends who is a girl that i've known for almost 15 years what she had done and the friend never told me. She was a very angry person but, with her bi-polar i always powered through her mood swings hoping things would get better, we built a very solid home together for our children, she went overboard one night with her anger and a bunch of stuff happened and she ended up in jail again, she blames me that she cheated and all the stuff that happened with her going to jail because she felt unloved due to me sleeping on the couch a lot or in the kids room when she had the baby with her in bed and the 3 year old and they took up most of the bed so I would find someplace else to sleep due to me being a nightowl and not wanting to move and wake them cuz my wife would get very very angry if she got woken up so i avoided it. We had many arguments but nothing too serious we had fights. I have been filing the paperwork for divorce, she still talks to me and when i try to bring up how things didn't need to be this way she explains she was selfish and it wasn't to hurt me it was for her own attention but it did hurt me more than anything, when we talk now it normally turns into an argument cuz she explains what i'm doing is hurting her, manipulating her, or gaslighting her? and saying things like "this is what you wanted right?" "i hurt now too", and i will try to say hey i am dealing with 6 months of hurt i didn't even have a clue was happening, I called those 2 friends my childrens uncle, even invited them to my biologicals daughter first birthday, i used to hug them and thank them for being good friends to my wife. I have been in counseling since this has started but I also no longer have a lot of friends or people to connect to and talk about things going on in life with. I'm also wondering since she committed aduletry will I be able to bring that up in the divorce? we have seperate apartments now and only a few electronics between us, and she's been asking me for furniture, tv's etc. The children got taken by cps due to my depression and seeking counseling and she tested positive for meth cuz she used to be a drug addict and once all this happened she relapsed. so I was hoping to find anyone that has gone through something similar, feel free to message me to talk.

If you are as well a fellow visionary I would like your help. I want words or a quote that is meaningful but not too corny. I feel that many people have quotes like “divine feminine” or “No rain, no flowers” which aren’t bad, but just a little too overused for me. I don’t mind length if it’s good enough. Megan fox has a tattoo that says “and those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music” which i think is sweet because there’s layers to the meaning. So I guess tattoos that are allegorical would be a way to sum up what I’m looking for but idk. Other cool tattoo quotes I thought of were “As above, so below” but the meaning behind that is everything you do in the physical world will still reflect itself in the spiritual realm. Also IM NOT RELIGIOUS so no religious stuff pretty please🙏 umm I like science things orrr history is cool. anyway yea im not that creative so I can’t think of much but help is appreciated thanks again

Hey Reddit, I’m fairly new at this and will probably be having to make edits and updates along the way so please bear with me. Also the timeline may be a bit confusing so if there are any questions or confusions just say so and I’ll clear it up the best I can.
My dad (49) and I (19f) currently have a very strained relationship. We rarely speak to other besides greetings when he’s home and when he calls my mom on the road (he’s a truck driver). I should start by saying that growing up I was probably the biggest daddy’s girl you could know. It was when I was around 11-12 he became less active and seemed uninterested in anything i did if it wasn’t about grades in school. In February of this year he came out and told my brother (16 at the time) and I that he had cheated on our mom and the woman ended up pregnant. The cheating in question happens on a trip he took back to his native country for his birthday. I put the time line together after he let us know that the unborn child had actually been born. He turned 2 this past April, 2 weeks before my other brother turned 17. When he finished my brother and I both in shock said we weren’t mad, just EXTREMELY disappointed, and would need time to process what he told us and then we’d have another talk.
We are now in May and he hasn’t breathed a word of anything regarding the situation since the day he told us. He walks around and acts like everything is normal and tries to make “jokes” in passive aggressive statements. I don’t know if i’m crazy but I just don’t feel like he has the right to do that, because he’s the one who messed up. Like sir, there is no more normal you brought a whole new person here. My mom is considering divorce, but he swears he’ll never do it again and he thinks “they can make it work”. Let it be known for the record, this was not the first time cheated, it’s more like this is how he broke his promise to never cheat again.
TRIGGER WARNING small mention of SA in this paragraph
Honestly the whole situation is really fucked up but it made me take a step back and truly analyze the relationship i had with him as a whole, and although we lived together (because he’s only been truck driving for 2 years) I don’t feel like he was really a father to me like he should’ve. I was always involved in school extracurriculars and constantly had something going on. In my whole conscious life i can count on one hand how many he showed up for anything i had. And it wasn’t because he couldn’t, he simply didn’t want to and never made an effort to. My mom however would take days off and came to who knows how many and she really played both roles for me. 2 years ago I also had to get therapy for SA and trauma, and i didn’t realize it until speaking about it with my mom a few weeks ago that he never once asked me if I was okay while dealing that (and I was not). I tried to speak to him and have conversations, but with me he’s only ever able to talk about how i need to “do better in school” or how i need to “quit my job and focus on school full time” to which i said no.
After that I ended up telling my mom that I’ll pass on speaking to him about anything other then what we need to talk about and figure out. She’s positive our relationship will be fine but it’s teetering the verge of me choosing go no contact, because I couldn’t imagine having that man walking me down the aisle at my wedding. Thinking way ahead yes, but he never wants to bring up the topic, if you do he gets mad. He can never take critique, you can never not agree with him, and even when he’s dead wrong he still gets angry and blames it on others. All my life we have had to, quoting my mom, ”get over it”.
Quite frankly, I could go on for pages of little and big things he’s done and hasn’t done, but i’m just tired of putting up with it and told my mom if he continues he wouldn’t have a daughter much longer, i’ve been thinking about this a lot more recently as he is on his week off at home.
Any and all advice is welcomed but i also want to know would i be the asshole?

I need to preface this by saying that I am not interested in having a back-and-forth in the comment section. If you are interested in speaking with me, kindly message me in DMs.
I'm told women want a man who knows what he wants, so here's the whole nine yards. If there is anything here that you are not willing to accept, then don't. You will not change me now or years down the line. Obviously I intend to grow and mature (as one ought to), but I have decided who I am and what I want out of a relationship.
I am looking for a woman that I can make a permanent covenant bond with; I have no interest in flings or "long-term relationships."
I don't intend to come across as bitter or angry with any of this, just clear and up-front. It makes things easier for both of us.
Age gap is not mandatory. Don't be put off contacting me if you are closer to my age.
A bit about me:
My faith in Christ is paramount in my life. I would not be where I am without him. In taking interests in various things, I've learned a lot about God's character and design. Each new thing I learn fills me with more worship of him and wonder at his works. It is very important to me that you share this admiration of God.
I have a full-time job that I am very satisfied with, but what I feel truly passionate about is art and storytelling. To be honest, I've hit a bit of a block lately as far as my output. But I've been trying to find my feet so I can make something valuable to share with the world. I think that art and stories are a fundamental part of being human, not just a luxury. So pretty much any kind of art will spark passion in me, be it music, cinema, video games, literature, video essay, sculpture, etc. I could go back and forth for hours on a lot of things. My hope is that you and I will be able to enjoy art together and create some of our own.
I frequently spend time with another gentleman from my Church and we enjoy conversations about personal projects and contemporary issues, along with walks along beaches and park trails. He is a very important friend in my life, and I am lucky to know such a kind soul. Things aren't well with my family, so I really need that kind of presence.
While I rely on my bicycle for transport (no car), it's not a problem for me. I've been riding bikes since I was in elementary school (maybe even before). It would be really nice to ride down some trails with you.
What I expect from you:
-You need to be a follower of Jesus Christ. God needs to be an active part of your life because I intend to raise our children under Biblical values.
-You need hobbies and interests apart from me. I'm fine with helping you find things you like.
-You need to be a virgin.
-You must be humble and respectful. "Boss babe" attitudes are not attractive to me.
-You cannot have any tattoos or piercings, or have undergone any kind of surgery that affects your reproductive organs (reassignment, colpocleisis, FGM, tubal ligation, etc). I am not a doctor, so I don't know every situation that could require surgery. If you've had to undergo surgery or medication because of circumstances beyond your control, please let me know; I'm willing to hear your side of things.
-No cosmetic products. It's not good for your body and I am attracted women, not makeup. This includes fake nails and fake eyelashes. I don't need you to look "pretty." You character is more important to me.
-Related to the previous, no use of image filters in photos. I do not like the type of people who are vain and vapid enough to feel the need to use filters on their photos.
-Again related to the previous, you need to have a limited social media presence. If you have a business or post something of value (like art, for example), then I have no problem. What I'm talking about is having an Instagram or Facebook account where you make random posts to nobody in particular to "update" the internet on your life or post tons of pictures of yourself online. Basing your self-worth on the comments and likes from strangers on the internet is unhealthy, and I find people's obsessive need to take pictures of themselves very unattractive and vain.
-If we marry, I expect you treat me as the head of the house. There can't be two leaders in a household because one will have to defer to the other.
-I expect you to view marriage as something that you put work into. Marriages are a team effort, so I expect you to be a help meet.
-You need to treat me like a partner, not an adversary. Getting into arguments and nagging me helps neither of us. You must have conflict-resolution skills and a solution mindset.
-You need excellent communication skills. This means understanding yourself, putting your thoughts into words other people can understand, and verbalizing things rather than expecting me to read your thoughts.
-You cannot play games with me. Telling me about other guys to make me jealous or planning dates for specific days to pressure me into committing to you are wicked and manipulative.
-While we are dating, you cannot have a "backup plan." I expect you to not be splitting your attention between me and other men. This includes spending time outside of work with other men (family excluded).
-You must be in shape. Don't be dishonest with yourself about your weight; check your BMI. This includes being underweight, anorexic, and bulimic.
-You cannot have taken any COVID-19 vaccinations from any provider.
-No smoking, drugs, or drunkenness.
-I expect you to completely renounce fast food if we date or marry. We will never feed our children McDonald's.
What you can expect from me:
-While we are dating, I will not be speaking to other women.
-I cannot meet your height, money, or attractiveness expectations. I am simply an average dude. I am critical, abstract, and imaginative in my thinking though.
-I will not ask you to do something that is unreasonable or demeaning. I will only ask of you what I expect from myself. No relationship is going to be 50/50 100% of the time, but I will put forth the effort I am able to. I expect the same out of you.
-I will not raise my hand against you. My hands will be a safe place for you.
-I will be available to listen to your troubles and help you bear through them.
-I will not demean you or humiliate you, whether or not you are in the room.
-I will show leadership in our house and exercise restraint with a mild temper.
-I will cherish you and treat you as my own body.
-I will devote myself to displaying my love for you in a language you understand, even if I am feeling distant from you because of troubles we face. I expect the same from you.
-I will not turn to another woman and betray you.
-I intend to keep every promise that I make with you.
-I will treat our children with patience and kindness, but diligently discipline them and instruct them appropriately.
Please tell me a bit about yourself and what you expect out of a relationship, but be practical and clear. A list of platitudes like "loyal, honest, etc" does not help me understand what you're looking for. Think about what your expectations look like in a tangible, everyday way.

I'm told women want a man who knows what he wants, so here's the whole nine yards. If there is anything here that you are not willing to accept, then don't. You will not change me now or years down the line. Obviously I intend to grow and mature (as one ought to), but I have decided who I am and what I want out of a relationship.
I am looking for a woman that I can make a permanent covenant bond with; I have no interest in flings or "long-term relationships."
I don't intend to come across as bitter or angry with any of this, just clear and up-front. It makes things easier for both of us.
A bit about me:
My faith in Christ is paramount in my life. I would not be where I am without him. In taking interests in various things, I've learned a lot about God's character and design. Each new thing I learn fills me with more worship of him and wonder at his works. It is very important to me that you share this admiration of God.
I have a full-time job that I am very satisfied with, but what I feel truly passionate about is art and storytelling. To be honest, I've hit a bit of a block lately as far as my output. But I've been trying to find my feet so I can make something valuable to share with the world. I think that art and stories are a fundamental part of being human, not just a luxury. So pretty much any kind of art will spark passion in me, be it music, cinema, video games, literature, video essay, sculpture, etc. I could go back and forth for hours on a lot of things. My hope is that you and I will be able to enjoy art together and create some of our own.
I frequently spend time with another gentleman from my Church and we enjoy conversations about personal projects and contemporary issues, along with walks along beaches and park trails. He is a very important friend in my life, and I am lucky to know such a kind soul. Things aren't well with my family, so I really need that kind of presence.
While I rely on my bicycle for transport (no car), it's not a problem for me. I've been riding bikes since I was in elementary school (maybe even before). It would be really nice to ride down some trails with you.
What I expect from you:
-You need to be a follower of Jesus Christ. God needs to be an active part of your life because I intend to raise our children under Biblical values.
-You need hobbies and interests apart from me. I'm fine with helping you find things you like.
-You need to have no mileage.
-You must be humble and respectful. "Boss babe" attitudes are not attractive to me.
-You cannot have any tattoos or piercings.
-No cosmetic products. It's not good for your body and I am attracted women, not makeup. This includes fake nails and fake eyelashes. I don't need you to look "pretty." You character is more important to me.
-Related to the previous, no use of image filters in photos. I do not like the type of people who are vain and vapid enough to feel the need to use filters on their photos.
-Again related to the previous, you need to have a limited social media presence. If you have a business or post something of value (like art, for example), then I have no problem. What I'm talking about is having an Instagram or Facebook account where you make random posts to nobody in particular to "update" the internet on your life or post tons of pictures of yourself online. Basing your self-worth on the comments and likes from strangers on the internet is unhealthy, and I find people's obsessive need to take pictures of themselves very unattractive and vain.
-If we marry, I expect you treat me as the head of the house. There can't be two leaders in a household because one will have to submit to the other.
-I expect you to view marriage as something that you put work into. Marriages are a team effort, so I expect you to be a help meet.
-You need to treat me like a partner, not an adversary. Getting into arguments and nagging me helps neither of us. You must have conflict-resolution skills and a solution mindset.
-You need excellent communication skills. This means understanding yourself, putting your thoughts into words other people can understand, and verbalizing things rather than expecting me to read your thoughts.
-You cannot play games with me. Telling me about other guys to make me jealous or planning dates for specific days to pressure me into committing to you are wicked and manipulative.
-While we are dating, you cannot have a "backup plan." I expect you to not be splitting your attention between me and other men. This includes spending time outside of work with other men (family excluded).
-You must be in shape. Don't be dishonest with yourself about your weight; check your BMI. This includes being underweight, anorexic, and bulimic.
-You cannot have taken any COVID-19 vaccinations from any provider.
-No smoking, drugs, or drunkenness.
-I expect you to completely renounce fast food if we date or marry. We will never feed our children McDonald's.
What you can expect from me:
-While we are dating, I will not be speaking to other women.
-I cannot meet your height, money, or attractiveness expectations. I am simply an average dude. I am critical, abstract, and imaginative in my thinking though.
-I will not ask you to do something that is unreasonable or demeaning. I will only ask of you what I expect from myself. No relationship is going to be 50/50 100% of the time, but I will put forth the effort I am able to. I expect the same out of you.
-I will not raise my hand against you. My hands will be a safe place for you.
-I will be available to listen to your troubles and help you bear through them.
-I will not demean you or humiliate you, whether or not you are in the room.
-I will show leadership in our house and exercise restraint with a mild temper.
-I will cherish you and treat you as my own body.
-I will devote myself to displaying my love for you in a language you understand, even if I am feeling distant from you because of troubles we face. I expect the same from you.
-I will not turn to another woman and betray you.
-I intend to keep every promise that I make with you.
-I will treat our children with patience and kindness, but diligently discipline them and instruct them appropriately.
Please tell me a bit about yourself and what you expect out of a relationship, but be practical and clear. A list of platitudes like "loyal, honest, etc" does not help me understand what you're looking for. Think about what your expectations look like in a tangible, everyday way.

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Throwaway account and fake names for obvious reasons.
For some background, my wife Jane (24F) and I (26M) have been together for seven years. Her brother Jack was one of my good friends in school, and honestly I thought she was both hot and funny for several years before I finally worked up the courage to ask her out. I'm still in disbelief that she agreed, since I was definitely not the most attractive or most outgoing member of the friend group that she occasionally joined her brother to hang out with. Many a dumb, teenaged comment were made about how Jack's sister was hot, charming, etc. Jack always told us to knock it off, and ask her out if we had the balls. Well, turns out I was the first one the grow a pair, somehow.
And that sort of brings us to the problem. Three months ago, Jane gave birth to our son Jacob. We've been married for three years, and had decided that we wanted kids soon after the wedding. We waited a bit to improve our financial situation, which is now fairly secure. I am a civil engineer, and my salary has increased the point that Jane didn't have to worry about not being able to work for a while to both physically recover from the pregnancy, and focus on raising our son for a while. I don't at all mind her being a SAHM, and I make sure to clean up after myself at home so I'm not just offloading a bunch of chores onto her.
Overall, things are going pretty great. Jacob is healthy (and has a strong set of lungs), all the bills are paid, and Jane and I are both happy with our careers/roles. However, things hit a snag a month ago when Jane indicated that she felt recovered enough to resume having sex again, should I want. Our sex life has always been quite active, and I'll admit, not being able to be intimate with my wife for many months straight sucked, both physically and emotionally. However, I know that her physical condition was a lot more strenuous than mine, so I took care of myself in private and didn't say anything. However, I was quite happy to hear that Jane was feeling better, and that taking care of Jacob hadn't sapped all of her energy.
We had sex for the first time in five months, and immediately I noticed that things weren't quite as "snug" as they used to be. I'm pretty much exactly the average below the belt, and we had never had any problems with satisfying each other before, and I guess I wasn't expecting the difference to be as noticeable as it was. However, due to the fact that this was the first time I'd gotten more than a handjob in almost half a year, I didn't take significantly longer to finish than I normally would. Because of this, I didn't say anything about the difference in sensation, because even thinking about made me feel like an asshole. She'd pushed my son's entire body out of her, so complaining about how it felt to me seemed selfish.
However, the next time we had sex, it took me longer to finish than it did before the pregnancy. The difference was enough that Jane noticed it, and was subtly telling me to hurry up by the end, since she'd already finished and was ready to be done. When it took the same longer-than-normal time after that, she asked me if there was a reason why I couldn't seem to cross the finish line as quickly. I tried to tell her that it was just nerves, I was tired, etc, but she saw through that. She pushed, and I didn't want to lie to her. I told her that it "wasn't quite as taut as it used to be," my exact words.
She immediately became angry with me, saying that it was gross that I thinking about how she'd become looser after giving birth. Of course it wasn't going to be the same, she'd pushed out something way wider than my dick, etc. She said that it was extremely hurtful that I thought less of her based on her tightness, even though I never said that. She asked why it was taking me longer to finish than it took me before, and I answered with the words quoted above. I never said that was all I was thinking about, or that I thought less of her for it.
If anything, I love her more after having our son, because I saw first hand how much pregnancy fucking sucks and how she soldiered through with my help. She is the love of my life, and it felt terrible to be accused of only caring about how tight she was. I reminded her that I had initiated sex two out of the three times we'd had it after the pregnancy, so why would I do that if I was unsatisfied with her? It wasn't like I was unable to finish at all, it was just taking me longer to do so. I tried to sit down and talk with her the next day after she'd cooled off, but when I brought it up she just became angry again and refused to discuss it.
Needless to say, I haven't tried anything remotely sexual since this fight a week ago. She always kisses me on the cheek when I leave for work, but since our argument even that gesture has felt less enthusiastic, like she's only doing it because she's always done it and doesn't want to start another fight. I pray that she doesn't feel that way about sex too, but I don't know at this point.
TL;DR: Had sex with my wife for the first time after she gave birth. She noticed I was taking longer to finish and confronted me. I said that it was because it "wasn't quite as taut as it used to be," and she became angry and is refusing to discuss the subject with me.
AITAH?
EDIT: I have been receiving lots of a feedback, much of it saying that I have no understanding of anatomy and must be faking or imagining my observations. However, some commenters pointed out that the problem may be strained and/or damaged pelvic muscles, which would explain what I have noticed and angered my wife by admitting to. I did a bit of (admittedly brief; this post has only been up for a couple of hours) and found that pelvic muscle issues seem to be common after childbirth, something that I was entirely unaware of.
To clear things up, my formal sex education at school consisted of diagrams giving scientific names for all the bits and pieces, a one-sentence overview of what each part does, and a warning to use protection if/when we have sex. The mechanics of birth and what comes after were not explained beyond "The baby exits through the vagina." Clearly I should have looked into further along with my wife before she actually gave birth, but it is too late to go back now. I am going to try talking to my wife and showing her the sources I've linked below talking about what the problem might be, how it can be improved, and above all else, tell her that I still very much find her attractive and sexually fulfilling, and that I'm sorry for making it sound otherwise.
https://www.nct.org.uk/labour-birth/you-after-birth/your-vagina-and-pelvic-floor-after-giving-birth
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8766263/#:~:text=Vaginal%20laxity%20(VL)%20is%20a,descend%20from%20the%20normal%20position.%20is%20a,descend%20from%20the%20normal%20position.)
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3279110/

I moved to a new state with my husband about two months before he deployed. It has been very difficult making friends as I work from home. Even before deactivating my social media, it was very difficult making friends using social media group pages. He has been gone several months and while it hasn’t been easy, because I’m constantly alone, I thought it was going okay.
He emailed me last week, after going radio silent, telling me how much he is struggling and how unhappy he is. Shared that a lot of it is my fault. He doesn’t feel comfortable opening up to me and never will. To preface this, this happened after 5 days of no talking after a “fight”. I put it in quotes because I was genuinely trying to avoid a fight. We were talking on messenger. He was giving me one or two word answers to everything and I started getting frustrated. So I told him I was gonna let him go and to have a good night and I love him. He asked me what he did wrong and I told him nothing. He said I love you too and immediately logged off. I messaged him back explaining that it felt like I was trying to pull teeth talking to him and I know he is exhausted and stressed so instead of hurting my own feelings I would rather get offline. He never opened the message. I also sent him a screen shot about something funny his brother shared with me so he could get context about what I was asking and knew it wasn’t a big deal. But again, he never opened the message.
Five days later is when I received the aforementioned email; he was purposely ignoring me. He had promised me multiple times before that he wouldn’t do that sort of thing again (this was now the fourth time) and this one was by far the longest. I sometimes struggle knowing how to respond because when he shares that I’m upset about something, he gets the context completely wrong. For example, he thinks I get mad at him for talking to his family. That’s not true at all. I get upset that we get to talk for what seems to be a few hours online, and he’s not really participating in sharing anything. I have to ask questions, I get one or two word answers back and that’s it. I try not to push but sometimes I need the communication to feel connected. He doesn’t tell me he misses me, he doesn’t call me babe or honey (he used to) I know he is struggling, and I’m by no means saying I have it worse, but on the boat, he has explicitly told me that he doesn’t like anyone, he doesn’t trust anyone and he absolutely hates this command. I don’t really have any friends but my isolation is not quite self induced.
I responded to his email explaining my side of things, and apologizing for not creating a space for him to feel comfortable to talk to me. That’s literally all I’ve tried to do but he just seems to feel pressure when talking to me. I genuinely believe his stress, anxiety and lack of sleep are highly contributing to his emotional and mental distress. Add that he is in a combat zone and I’m sure its worse. He won’t tell me that though, usually just says he’s not at all worried or makes a really dumb joke about it.
I all but begged him to please let me know if all he needs is space, that I want to support him but the silence is torture to me. I have an anxious attachment style (he is avoidant) so I tend to think worst case scenario. So I requested that he please put my mind at ease that he’s not considering ending our marriage.
Three days later he sends me a very long email talking about how he is not looking forward to coming home, and isnt because we couldn’t get thru a deployment without fighting; that he wants to go to his childhood home to see his family. That we don’t want the same things. That I’m happy where we moved to and he is not. He only chose these orders and the last orders to be close to his family. He hates that I don’t get along with his family and that I don’t really want to move there when he retires.
Let me explain that he lives in a very tiny town where there isn’t even a grocery store. I literally would not have a career within an hour of his town. We had agreed that we could live an hour away, like one of his brothers does and it would still be close enough to his family. Also, his family has been quite rude to me. I have been mending fences with them for the sake of my husband. I don’t care where we live in the grand scheme of things, but I still need to have a job and his father and that side of the family very much abuse alcohol. They are also very ignorant and racist. My husband already struggles with over drinking. That’s not something I want to raise a family around as they can be verbally abusive when drunk, and you never know what’s going to trigger them. They have no goals nor aspirations in life, and that’s okay, but I do/ we did… I thought. My husbands goal is to retire from the service and go home. I was willing to go close (1-2 hours which he had agreed) to his home because I have a while before I can retire.
He proceeded to talk about how he was miserable with his ex wife and doesn’t want to spend six year with me, like he did with her, thinking marriage was supposed to be an unhappy union. That he stayed with her that long because he didn’t want it to fail; also because she convinced him things would get better. They never did, in fact I believe there was some infidelity on her side. He continued on about nonsense, like how he wants the mirrors in our house to stay but I wanted to change them and he has completely given up on having a say on how to update the house we bought. For the record, I left the mirrros the way he wanted. I picked paint colors I knew he would like.
Next, he mentioned how we had gotten in a fight right before moving and in haste, I told him to leave me there. he considered that we do end it then but we agreed to keep going because even though we struggle with communication, we do love each other and want to continue our marriage as overall we are pretty happy.
He ended the email explaining that he has not been happy for a while, has been struggling and while we work good together, he doesn’t believe we are right for each other. That I need to look within and figure out if I am happy in the relationship. That he doesn’t care about my answer but he is not at all happy.That he will never be able to communicate the way I want and he has made more changes for me, like attend couples counseling and anger management, than he ever would have for anyone else.
There are still a few months left to this deployment. I literally have no idea where that leaves me. I’m hurt as shit. I’m angry. I’m confused and frustrated. Not once on this deployment have I even mentioned splitting. Month two was the first time he mentioned divorce. We got past that hurdle and month three he mentioned that we should consider getting pregnant when he gets back. Then some stupid issue comes up and the cycle of being angry and fine continues. In fact, I all but beg him to not leave me when he has these outbursts. I feel stupid.
He is not one to ask for help. He clearly needs help but I have no idea what to do. It’s clear he doesn’t want anything to do with me.

Previous Part
I grabbed the back pack Bianca had left in the kitchen and waited in the living room. I had no idea what she was packing for but after this morning I wasn’t going up there to check. I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to ask Tuck yet. I wanted him to tell me he was a werewolf himself, that seemed like pretty important information just on the basis of trust. But I also wanted to know why he was really out by the mine yesterday. His story didn’t add up and there’s no way he knew we would be up there, I think that was just a coincidence. As I was trying to come up with exactly how I wanted to broach the question to Tuck, Frank put a hand on my shoulder. He was wearing his lab coat so I guessed he just came up from the basement. The hairnet he always seemed to wear when he was working was in its usual spot. I suppose he wore it to protect the memory of hair that was once on his head. He looked solemn and a little sick as he turned to me.
“Keep her out of trouble will you? I know we haven’t always been the best to her and I’m sure Stein and I don’t really give her the help she needs. But she’s like the daughter I never had time to have, I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to her.”
“Frank, you probably do more than you know for her. Did she ever talk about her family with you?”
“Very briefly throughout the years, I don’t know if she’s told you much or anything for that matter. It… it certainly wasn’t easy for her growing up and it never got easier.”
“I’ll do my best to keep her out of trouble. If she does end up following me into… whatever this trial ends up being just promise me you’ll have a way to get her out. Some kind of contingency, I can fend for myself but I’ve seen her just shut down before. Like yesterday in the caves someone grabbed her and she lashed out and just… wasn’t herself. She just froze and I don’t want that to happen anywhere near Shaoni.”
“I’ll work on something but I can’t promise that. Like Stein said we’re scientists, we don’t really do field work like that. If I do come up with something you’ll be the first to know. I’m glad she ran into you when she did Keith, she could really use a friend.”
With that Frank walked away, back towards the kitchen and into the basement.
It wasn’t long after that when I heard Bianca coming down the stairs asking if anyone had seen her toothbrush. At which point Rocco appeared in front of me from god knows where holding a suspicious disassembled toothbrush.
“Not. A. Word. Kid.”
Rocco growled at me as he scampered out the door behind me.
“I have a couple that I packed for the trip here from Wisconsin I can just give you one of those.”
I called to Bianca. Partially because I wanted to get a move on and partially because I wanted no part in whatever Rocco was getting up to. If there was one supernatural thing about this town it was that raccoon’s knack for mischief. I get that’s what raccoons are known for but seriously, Rocco was on another level. Bianca reluctantly agreed to take one of the travel tooth brushes I had back at my house. I wasn’t even going to ask why she packed a duffle bag to go a few hundred feet into town and back again.
“Come on we’ll take the bikes again.”
Bianca said as she made her way behind the house.
“I’m telling you they’re going to give me tetanus one of these days but sure. Lets just stop at my place first, I want to drop off this backpack you took yesterday first.”
Bianca was still wearing the ratty jeans she’d taken from me yesterday and at this point I just figured she could have them. I really wasn’t about to get into an argument as to why she should take my pants off and… ugh even saying it is just… no. Those were hers now as far as I was concerned.
We rode over to my house through the crisp autumn afternoon. The trees along the street were finally being to change color, it looked like a scene from a postcard. One of those one’s of the idyllic towns that could’ve come straight out of a hallmark movie. I had to give it to Eagles Peak, it may by turning into a den of vipers for me minute by minute but it sure could be beautiful, in it’s own isolated kind of way.
“Wow its very… small.”
Bianca commented as she stepped into my house and looked around.
“Yeah not everyone has a blank check from two different governments like Stein.”
“I didn’t mean li…”
“It’s ok I know what you meant, its different.”
I said cutting her off before she had the chance to apologize. I dropped off the backpack in my room and rooted around in the one duffle bag I still hadn’t unpacked from my trip here. I found the toothbrush without to much trouble and walked into the living room to give it to Bianca only to find her unpacking on the couch.
“What’s going on here, are you moving in?”
I joked, not expecting the answer I was about to get.
“Yeah, kind of hard to keep an eye on you from my house. I suppose I could from the top floor but if we’re working against Shaoni that doesn’t seem like a great idea. She’s got that whole thing with lighting and I get the sense her being angry at you while your up in the air isn’t a great combination.”
Bianca said, unpacking a blanket like she wasn’t just inserting herself into my house.
“WHAT?”
I shouted, maybe a little too loud.
“Is there a problem?I thought you wanted me looking out for you, this is me, doing that.”
She said looking up at me with puppy dog eyes. You’ve got to understand, those eyes coming from someone like Bianca, glowing or otherwise, well you just can’t say no to that. When it’s Bianca you really can’t say no. She can just take that option away in an instant but again she didn’t for me, it was still my choice.
“I.. sure but you can have my bed. We’ll get everything set up once we get back from the Roost. You did tell Frank and Stein about this right?”
I gave in, deciding to let her stay.
“I’m a big girl, they doin’t need to know everything I do, and… thanks”
“It’s alright, just let me know next time you’re going to pull something like this ok?”
I added, equal parts excited to actually have someone to talk to besides myself in my own home, and worried what Frank and Stein might think was going on here. I put those thoughts out of my head for the moment as we got back on the bikes.
It was about 3 by the time we made it to Tuck’s bar after the delay Bianca had caused by moving herself out before we left. Just as I expected the sign said closed but the door was unlocked. The bar looked exactly the same as the last time I was there. Stone fireplace roaring and pristine wooden floor looking like it had been polished just this morning. Tuck was sitting behind the bar looking worse for wear. The look on his face said he knew we were coming and he wasn’t to thrilled about it.
“Does he know?”
Tuck asked pointedly, looking straight through me and speaking to Bianca.
“About me or you, because the answer is both of us.”
Tuck shook his head at this and a grim look came over him.
“Ya shouldn’t have pulled him into this.”
“Actually I pulled her into it if anything, going out there was my idea. I’ve got a mark like Robert’s, its actually what brought me to town in the first place.”
I said, hoping my honesty would get the same out of Tuck.
“So that bird called ya out here somehow?”
“More or less, but that’s not what I’m here about. I want to know why exactly you followed us out there yesterday.”
Tuck sighed and gestured to the seats at the bar, beckoning Bianca and I to take a seat.
“When Robert chased ya out the other night some of his friends came by. They all got that mark like him, they were sayin’ something about the thunderbird makin’ an appearance back at the old mine. I wanted to see for myself and make sure they were wrong. I found those bikes and ended up followin’ the trail. By the time I got there some guys were poking around that hole in the wall and a storm had kicked up. I saw them cut that rope and figured they weren’t doin’ no good. I… changed and dealt with them then forced my way into the old mine entrance, the rest ya already know cause I ran into ya not long after.”
This story made more sense to me, Tuck never came out there to find me, I just so happened to be out there. Those boulders I thought were moved had been, by Tuck which made me question just how strong he was. Each of those huge things had to weigh tons and there were three strewn about the entrance.
“Ok that makes more sense than what you told me, but what were you hoping to accomplish up there. If you ran into the thunderbird what would you have done?”
“I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t really up there again but the storm seemed to say otherwise. No storm like that just pops up and goes away, the bird had to be involved with that.”
“Actually she was there, just not as some huge bird. She was down in the caves with us but she looked human, native American to be more precise. That’s how I met her when I got marked and now she’s holding some kind of trial out in those mines.”
“You met the thunderbird, its a person? What does she want with this place now.”
Tuck said his demeanor changing into one full of concern. I didn’t know what else to say cause at the moment I didn’t actually know much more than that. It’s infuriating, this being in the dark thing. I just settled for dodging the question.
“Not to change the topic but are we to early to grab a bite to eat?”
I wish I had a camera handy because the face Tuck made at that whiplash change of topics was priceless. I can’t properly do it justice with words. Suffice it to say one of his eyebrows hit the ceiling while the other hit the floor and a violently confused expression plastered his face.
“Sure I guess, what do the two of ya want!”
Tuck exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air and walking back behind the counter. I ended up ordering some fried chicken sandwich with bacon and pickles, and as I took the first bite my risk of heart attack increased ten fold. Bianca ordered the same thing and was pecking at it inquisitively when I asked,
“So what’s the story with Rocco?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean why, why did Frank and Stein make him in the first place?”
I asked through a mouthful of greasy goodness.
“Well I think it started out as a joke, then Stein actually wanted an assistant and that joke became Rocco. They worked on him for a while, pretty much they took a random raccoon off the street and played around in its head. I know there was some gene splicing involved but if you want to know how they did it ask them.”
“So he was supposed to be an assistant in the lab? I think I’ve seen him doing one thing to help them out this whole time and he was poking through a back alley for old batteries.”
“Yeah, he’s not a great assistant, must be good enough though cause they haven’t tossed him out.”
“Are you kidding me! If they tossed him out he be so much worse! Just think, Rocco left to his own devices without any supervision.”
Both of us shuddered at the thought, if he was bad now he’d be a menace to society without the little control we had over him.
Bianca and I ate and eventually Tuck came out and I told him my story about Imalone. He seemed really concerned at the fact that the thunderbird could be walking around town and he wouldn’t know about it. I assured him that Shaoni was really hard to miss if you just looked at the eyes. It wasn’t like she looked any different either, no matter what she was wearing those tattoos would be a dead giveaway. Tuck assured me he was going to keep an eye out and gave me his number to call if I saw her. I don’t want to talk down on Bianca, but something about having a werewolf looking out for me as well was reassuring. Tuck told us a bit about what he was doing with Frank and Stein too. Apparently he contracted his “disease” as he called it long before he came to work in Eagles Peak. He was originally from Louisiana and moved to New York for a change of scenery and ended up getting a job in the mines here around 1940. I should also mention Tuck ages very slowly due to his “disease” so he looks like he’s in his 50’s or so but he was born in 1900. To his credit you’d never know he was anything other than your friendly middle aged bartender.
Bianca and I were getting ready to leave as it came time to open the bar for real. When Tuck offered us a round of drinks on the house.
“No, no that’s alright Tuck, you’ve done enough for us we’ll see you later.”
Bianca politely declined, pulling me towards the door. After I said my goodbyes and we had gotten back to the bikes I asked Bianca,
“Do you not drink? I’m not judging just… when Tuck offered you seemed kind of jumpy.”
“I just never have, I was kind of bouncing around the country when I turned 21 so I just never started.”
“So your telling me you never had your first drink? Well, we have to fix that then.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, its like a right of passage where I’m from. We’ll pick up a six pack or something on the way back but we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”
I said, trying to convince her. I’m not a huge drinker but I am from Wisconsin, alcohol is a way of life out there and we’re know for our beer. In my family turning 21 and having your first drink is cause to bring the whole family together. I couldn’t do that for her but I could at least give her the experience, maybe give her just one more good thing to remember.
Bianca agreed and we pulled into the Save-A-Lot just outside town. The building was painted white bit it was slowly peeling away revealing a concrete grey underneath. The big glowing sign was missing a few letters now simply reading Sav- -Lo. Despite its decaying state it still had the classic beer cave inside. I took a second to look for something from Wisconsin, call me a snob but we do beer right. I settled on a 12 pack of Leinenkugel, that was close enough to home for me. Bianca trailed behind me in the store, a bit like a scared cat looking for a place to hide. Obviously she didn’t get out much and having people she didn’t really know much about was stressing her out somewhat. We got to the checkout and an older cashier eyed my suspiciously.
“Can I see an ID”
She croaked in a hoarse smokey voice. Now I don’t always look my age but I’m 28 there was no reason to try and ID me. That didn’t really bother me so much as the fact that my wallet was still at home. I’ve been spending the cash Bianca gave me back when I watched her house and I just keep that in my pocket. I also have a bad habit of only brining my wallet when I knew I would need it instead of carrying it on me. Regardless I started to sweat a little as I tried to explain the situation.
“You see I would but I left mine at home and I’m not sure if…”
I was cut off by Bianca reaching out and brushing the cashier’s hand Then looking her straight in the eye. I knew exactly what she was doing.
“Look we don’t have an ID for you right now can you just take it on faith?”
“I understand sweetie, here why don’t I cover it for you, my treat.”
The cashier said, turning a complete 180 on her previous question. I looked from Bianca to the old woman a few times before Bianca finally shrugged.
“What?”
I wondered if it was that easy for her to change my mind back when she manipulated me into watching the house.
“So she just payed for it?”
I asked Bianca as we walked back to the bikes.
“That was her, not that I couldn’t make her do that. As far as I can work out, if I suggest something people tend to do it. Over the years I learned how to control that to the point where I’m only able to do it when I want to. Frank said it has something to do with pheromones in my breath or something like that.”
Bianca explained, hoping onto her bike and keeping pace with me back towards my house. I didn’t ask for an explanation but she gave it. I’m not really sure pheromones were something that could have that profound of an effect on someone but I’d just add it to the list of questions I’d have to ask Frank or Stein at some point.
“Still it was a bit weird seeing it from the outside. Was I that easy to convince before?”
Bianca got a mischievous look in her eye.
“Oh, you were so much easier, I barley needed to try. Just flip my hair and flutter my eyes a few times and that was that.”
She said, smiling devilishly at me. I blushed a little bit, partly because that’s probably all it would’ve taken from someone who looked like her and partly because I was embarrassed that she might not just be poking fun at me.
“No you definitely did something to me, I lost like 6 hours in your kitchen! That was you right…right?!”
I asked a little nervous. Bianca just laughed and pedaled off ahead of me. She did not put my mind at ease with any sort of answer but she did beat me back to the house.
When I got in She was sitting on the couch sorting through a pile of movies she pulled out of her duffle bag. She really had just thrown the entire contents of her room into a bag and brought them over. Bianca seemed to settle on a movie before she realized I’d walked in.
“So you like horror?”
I said, gesturing to the same movies I’d seen lying out earlier when I watched her house.
“Yeah, I just like seeing how people think all these things act. Like Tuck, werewolves are always looked at as these big imposing things in movies but he’s a puppy in comparison.”
“The guy looks like he could tear me apart down the middle with his bare hands buuuut, I see your point.”
Thinking back to every interaction I’d had with the guy so far, he never really was as scary as he looked. I sat down on the couch, dropping the case of beer on the coffee table.
“So, have you picked out a movie yet?”
To which Bianca closed her eyes and poked at a random movie in the pile. “Dog Soldiers”, it was called, actually I think I’ve heard of that movie before. One of those its so bad its entertaining things. I popped the movie into my DVD player and sat back, handing Bianca a beer.
“ Is this how normal people feel?”
She asked as the movie started.
“Depends on what you mean by normal, even then I’m not sure that’s the question I’d be asking. Maybe you just finally have a chance to relax after years of never being able to.”
“Oh sure, I’ll just relax now that I know we have the actual thunderbird looking to force you into some kind of trial.”
Bianca joked sarcastically before suddenly softening and taking a sip of her beer.
“Uggg that’s bitter… but not bad. Maybe your onto something Kieth.”
I don’t remember much from the movie. One scene stuck with me, a guy trying to fist fight a werewolf. It was already campy but the effects on the werewolf were just dated enough to make it that much funnier. Bianca and I couldn’t help but to Imagine Tuck as the werewolf, bewildered as to why this scrawny thing thought it could fight him. At some point the beer ran out, Bianca and I making it through the whole case. I remember getting up to go to my own room and Bianca pulling me back. What I didn’t remember though was letting Shaoni into my house. I was woken up by a tap on my shoulder, coming face to face with her. Shaoni’s hand was on one shoulder and Bianca’s head was on the other. At some point we both feel asleep on the couch together, the TV was still on, illuminating the dark room.
“Well well, I wasn’t expecting you to have guests Keith.”
Shaoni mocked, clicking her tongue at me as she finished. She wore the same white night dress I’d seen her in before. Something in the house was open, a window, a door? I didn’t know but the smells of an autumn rainstorm blew into the house, a storm no doubt caused by Shaoni.
“I… its not what it looks like.”
I stammered out, embarrassed to be caught like this.
“I don’t care what you get up to in your free time Keith. I just came to tell you I’ll expect you at the mine tomorrow, The trials will be starting soon and I want everyone who will be participating to meet each other, you will be participating, won’t you Keith?”
She asked like it was a question but it really wasn’t, wether I liked it or not I was going to be there, I could come willingly or kicking and screaming. She was simply asking which I wanted it to be.
“When do you want me there?”
“Oh don’t worry about that, I’ll send someone to collect you around noon.”
With that she turned to walk away, but I wasn’t done with her yet.
“Wait! What exactly are these trials, what am I going to be doing out there?”
“That would spoil the surprise Keith, be patient, you’ll know in time. That pretty little thing there, her name wouldn’t happen to be Bianca, would it?”
Shaoni asked, pointing at Bianca who was still asleep on my shoulder.
“How did you know that?”
I shot back, immediately jumping to Bianca’s defense. I hadn’t known her all that long true, but I didn’t want her any closer to this than she had to be.
“Oh no reason.”
Shaoni said with a snicker that sounded more like a hiss. With that she disappeared, and I mean she was just gone. One minute she was there the next there was a gust of wind and a brief flash of light and she was gone. The disruption was enough to wake Bianca up finally.
“Ugh, head..still…spinning.”
“Heh, I think you overdid it a bit last night.”
“Ugh maybe.”
She said, holding her head that still rested on my shoulder.
“What’s going on anyway, why’d you wake me up.”
“It’s just… well things are moving a bit faster than I hoped.”
I said, trying to reassure her that it was nothing, most likely failing miserably but she didn’t seem to notice. There was a second there that I thought maybe things could just be normal. This whole thing would just blow over and Shaoni would never come back and get me for these “trials” but I always knew it was wishful thinking. Now Bianca was a part of it to somehow, that had made up my mind. She’d been through enough, now Shaoni seemed interested in her all of a sudden. If putting myself through these trials kept her away from Bianca that’s exactly what I’d do.

I've never done this before as in I've never made a post on reddit. I'm a pretty private individual and I think previous trauma in my life has made it difficult for me to want to reach out/trust people. This may be one of the reasons I'm where I'm at now. Onto the vent... WARNING its a LONG READ
I (27F) am in a relationship with BF (32M). We have been together for almost 4 years.... I moved in with him close to the end of 2021. We met during the start of the pandemic as coworkers, and he had just moved from a very conservative, southern state. I also moved from a state with similar.. views and social standards? as he did but this was almost 8 years ago for me at the time. We both live on the west coast now. Just for context here.
When I first met this guy I was about 5 months out of a very long, abusive relationship. I spent almost 7 years with my high-school sweetheart and it was very tumultuous, long story short I finally realized I needed to leave that when after a suicide attempt (at the hand of being broken down by my ex and truly thinking I would be doing those in my life a favor) and when he (luckily) called our friends - because even tho he constantly told me I should kill myself i guess actually trying was "crazy" of me to do... my friends showed up and gave me the intervention I needed and I started going to therapy. Over time with all the realizations through getting help, making adjustments in my life, and still undergoing abuse I finally snapped out of it and realized I wasn't the problem, and I needed to leave the relationship.
So needless to say, I was vulnerable when I met BF, and while he didn't know the extent of things, he definetly knew how fresh my breakup was. This didn't seem to deter him at all. I did my best to tell him I needed to take my time in a lot of ways, and he gave the impression he was being patient, but really I just think he did a good job of dressing up his impatience with love bombing, so he did a good job of making me feel loved and cared for and safe, I think I gave into a lot of things too early.
We started dating a few months into me meeting him, and he seemed wonderful. Patient, open minded, he really gave me this idea that where he was from he knew he stood out, and moved where he moved to fit in with people that he could vibe with better. This meant in my eyes we shouldn't have too many issues agreeing on a lot of views. To put it simply. I'm not very political, but I do find that some people with the extreme side of conservative values tend to take issue with ME, just existing with tattoos and being a strong willed woman who likes her independence and not being told that im supposed to stay in the kitchen or whatever.... but let me be clear. I've always been the "mom friend" and I tend to take a caregiver role a lot. I think he liked that about me. He also always told me how cool it was that I was against the grain, cool that im closer to vegetarian than not, cool i dye my hair, ect.
Well fast forward to almost a year in and im realizing this dude is very clingy. He wants one of us to be at eachothers house every night. He's getting jelous all the time over me having to work with men for BUSINESS REASONS. literally one night he saw me post a snapchat story inside my house and he saw I still had shoes on and I had to spend like an hour convincing him that just because it was late and I still had shoes on that doesn't mean there's someone in my house that I'm lying about??? Anyways, the accusations of me cheating finally did die down when I blew up on him one day and told him I've never cheated on anyone in my life and I won't put up with this.
But yet I just took it as him really liking me, because hey the last guy told me no one would ever love someone as difficult as me and I was lucky he put up with me...
So this turned into him convincing me that i had to move in with him because the 30 minute drive to my house every night was too much and sleeping alone without me was too much to handle. I had the cheaper rent, bigger house... but that's not what he wanted. He didn't like the area, whatever, I tell him this isn't gonna work. I have 2 dogs. He lives in a 900sq ft box. He's convinced he can handle it. Did I mention this guy has insane cleanliness standards? The place needs to look show room quality at all times. Just remember that detail.
Btw, im very very clean, always referred to by my friends as the uptight show room house. Boy, I thought I was bad but im realistic. BF doesn't seem to have patience for the extra mess that dogs include. I also am in the midst of starting my own business. I'm apologizing every day, doing my best, but there are still boxes taking up space because WE LIVE IN A BOX.
I quickly learn that BF has a violent streak and alcoholism. Not towards me, but objects. One day he's drunk and screams in my face that I'm a bitch and I don't care about him because I tell him that maybe he's being too hard on his boss at work (I was just trying to be honest with him, he seems to have really high standards for a lot of situations). Another time he comes home and im on my period (forgot this, but I have endometriosis, and it often makes me feel like it's ruining my life by how badly it puts me down for 3-4 days at a time sometimes) so I wasn't able to clean up some of the boxes he asked me too that morning. (Knowing I was on my period, with me having explained several times that i can't physically get much done around that time) and when he came in the door he threw such a fit that he kicked a box with expensive items (equipment for my business) across the room and broke things.
He would always apologize profusely, tell me I didn't deserve it, but his violent tendencies kept stacking. I'm not always easy to argue with, im one of those "actually" people but its because I'm f**king honest and real and I only argue with facts instead of point fingers/name calling. He on the other hand, is a name caller and spiteful. This kept leading to major blowups. I mean literally one day he almost wrecked his car( swears he had total control of the car the whole time) because he was talking over me while I was on the phone and I got off the phone and was like "dude I couldn't hear her" and he flew off the handle saying "I was trying to include important information!!!" When I explained that it was okay and his information wasn't going to help, he got angry, said I was being a bitch to him, I got an attitude about that, he ended up driving like a maniac and screaming at me until I literally almost threw myself out of the car because I was having a panic attack (I have ptsd from getting abused, and sexually assaulted in the past).
One good thing I can give him is he did decide to go sober started in 2022 and has remained sober since, so know that much. Half of these things are NOT done out of him being drunk, it's literally just his temper.
Another example of a time my view of who he was changed was when I finally decided to confide in him that I was coerced into getting drunk and then raped when I was 14. And his response was to tell me "that was high-school stuff though, you're really still not over it?" I don't think I felt the same about him afterwards but again, I took it as a me problem, maybe i expected too much.
Fast forward again to he can't live like this anymore, he can't live in a house this small with these dogs, he can't have my business mess around any longer, but the rental market has been shit, I can't find any rent that we can afford, and hes being picky about finding a new job, since he quit his last 2 while having a temper tantrum about something. Not saying he didn't need to leave them, but he didn't line anything up before leaving. And I'm having to help cover bills, try to run my business, cook dinner every night because that's what he expects, and ive also got an inflammatory disease that makes me suffer most days so I'm not always the fastest, most productive person. Another thing, this is the kind of guy who wakes up in the morning and is already zooming at 1000mph and "beast moding" while I'm shuffling around in the morning waiting for some of my inflammation to subside while I get ready.
So I apply for part time job to work alongside starting my business, I find another opportunity where if I work part time at another place, I can then use the property to conduct my business, what are the chances! I find a solution to making more money and getting the business out of the house? Now we just need a bigger place to live! And hopefully this means BF can be left to find a decent job right?
Well he eventually did, and that's nice. But he's still short tempered. He's always upset because I don't thank him for "washing a weeks worth of dishes" even tho... they were only the dishes from us eating dinner the night before. I've washed dishes every day that week without a single thank you, which I didn't care for, because I knew that it was a team effort. That was when it was clear that everything I do is unnoticed, but god forbid he does somthing without his accolades afterwards.
We finally find a 2 bedroom house that solves a lot of issues. I thought well part of the problem is we are just on top of eachother. It will get easier. If we both have personal space right? Well it's just different now.
We've passed the point where I told him if he calls me names or breaks somthing again then I'm leaving him. I told him he has to go to therapy for his issues. No more violence. Instead he just doesn't even kiss me goodbye before he walks out the door and if I ask him too, he gives me a side hug and mashes his lips against me for a couple seconds and says "bye" before shutting the door in my face. Every nice thing I do to try and spark up a good time I get looked at and asked "why I'm acting like I actually care".
Everything is always on me, I need to find him a therapist, he doesn't know how, I need to help him with his temper, it's not his fault, he's like his dad, he can't help cook dinner, he doesn't know how, it's not his fault, so these are all things I'm expected to do.
At this point all I do is work. I work all day every day. Even weekends. Sometimes I enforce a day off, but it means all I do is lay around and think about what I'm getting behind on. And he resents me for everything.
He gets off at 3 or earlier most days, he has a ton of freedom in his job because he works sales, but im the one who isn't trying hard enough because I won't cook dinner with him or spend time with him. I don't have sex with him anymore because i have so much resentment, and he blames me for that too. "Well maybe I would be in a better mood if you actually had sex with me" and when we do and it's short lived "well maybe if you maintained me better I wouldn't finish so fast"
The way that I have to sit here and listen to him talk about cars and fishing for hours, and I do it just to be supportive, and yet I can't get him to stop looking at his phone anytime I want to talk. If I do vent about my day he just tries to tell me what I'm doing wrong and what I need to fix.
I just finally sat him down and told him how I felt. How I think he doesn't realize how selfish he can be, how everything I've done that he hates about me now has been for him, how I've watched him essentially ask me to be his mom(that woman literally will still buy him clothes and handle life things for him and he's a grown ass man, she often thanks me for "putting up with her bratty son and he loves you girls so much") which almost feels like she's known he's a brat this whole time.... and anyways what's his response?
"Well im not happy either. You're a slob and all you do is work and when you don't work you just lay around and complain, you never have sex with me and you're not fun"
To say that I'm so lost is an understatement. We live in a time where it's not easy to afford living alone. I like my house but I don't think I can afford it alone. I haven't been able to grow my own business because of everything I've just been doing for years to try and make BF happy and yet I'm sitting here and feeling like I've just once again wasted my life for a man who doesn't respect me for who I am, and only loves me conditionally. I just feel so stupid, that I've let it get this far. I literally contributed to breaking myself down into someone that he can't respect and now it's easy for him to say it's all my fault and he cannot understand the idea that im a shell of myself because of how much I've put into this. He thinks I'm wrong, he says I'm his everything and he's put everything into us, and I know he has, but it's always been on his terms, where as for my needs it's still also always been on his..... I'm sorry. I'm sure it's been difficult for anyone to read this long. I am just going to leave it here.
Yall can let me have it in the comments. I'd love the honesty....

Hi everyone,
I am planning to get my first tattoo (यद् भावं तद् भवति). None of my friends have it so need your help and guidance. Longevity is very important to me. Other than that, just looking for a great experience for a newbie.
Would you recommend a tattoo artist around the area who is excellent at writing quotes? If they have knowledge or prior work that they have done in Sanskrit script, that would be even better.
I'd also appreciate how much I should expect to pay for it. I found a shop that I like and it is quoting me $700. My first reaction is that's a bit expensive but I have no idea.
Thank you in advance.

I really like Brienne, she is probably one of our most honorable POV’s and in so many the true embodiment of what Knight should be despite being a woman which bars her from it. That being said something which annoys me is how she supports Renly when we first see her. I understand her personal affection for him due to him being nice to her, but going to outright serve him in his usurpation attempt is what always boggles me. We do get some of her insight on this went talking to Catelyn:
"I was taught that good men must fight evil in this world, and Renly's death was evil beyond all doubt. Yet I was also taught that the gods make kings, not the swords of men. If Stannis is our rightful king—" "He's not. Robert was never the rightful king either, even Renly said as much. Jaime Lannister murdered the rightful king, after Robert killed his lawful heir on the Trident. Where were the gods then? The gods don't care about men, no more than kings care about peasants." (ACOK Catelyn V)
She agrees with Renly’s view that because Robert claimed the throne, he is just as valid in doing it as well even if not next in line. But this logic while having truth to it is also incredibly flawed in that it ignores the context of when and why Robert took the throne. The crown prince literally had kidnapped his betrothed, and then after the king kills his best friend’s father and brother, demands his and Ned’s heads. Of course he was going to rebel, for most of the war it wasn’t even about making him King, it was only until the latter half with some decisive victories that they decided it. Obviously the context is very different to Renly where he has clearly been scheming for some time even before Robert dies and later just declares himself king. The best example of this nuance from Robert’s Rebellion comes from Stannis in one of my favorite Davos chapters:
“It is every man’s duty to remain loyal to his rightful king, even if the lord he serves proves false,” Stannis declared in a tone that brooked no argument.
A desperate folly took hold of Davos, a recklessness akin to madness. “As you remained loyal to King Aerys when your brother raised his banners?” he blurted.
Shocked silence followed, until Ser Axell cried, “Treason!” and snatched his dagger from its sheath. “Your Grace, he speaks his infamy to your face!”
Davos could hear Stannis grinding his teeth. A vein bulged, blue and swollen, in the king’s brow. Their eyes met. “Put up your knife, Ser Axell. And leave us.”
“…As you command.” Ser Axell slid the knife away, bowed, and hurried toward the door. His boots rang against the floor, angry.
“You have always presumed on my forbearance,” Stannis warned Davos when they were alone. “I can shorten your tongue as easy as I did your fingers, smuggler.”
“I am your man, Your Grace. So it is your tongue, to do with as you please.”
“It is,” he said, calmer. “And I would have it speak the truth. Though the truth is a bitter draught at times. Aerys? If you only knew…that was a hard choosing. My blood or my liege. My brother or my king.” (ASOS Davos IV)
Sorry for the long quote, it’s just one of my favorites, but I feel it’s just one that gives us perfect insight into the difficult situation that was thrust upon the rebels rather than actively sought like Renly did. Brienne or her family were never put in this situation and entirely of her own volition. Not only is Renly already usurping Stannis but since he also refuses to acknowledge Joffrey and Tommen as bastards, he is basically officially usurping them as well. Mind you Robb, a person’s who father was killed by Joffrey and again thrust into this situation where he could arguably have a bit more of a moral pass on who he chooses still seriously takes the account of succession seriously:
That makes him evil," Robb replied. "I do not know that it makes Renly king. Joffrey is still Robert's eldest trueborn son, so the throne is rightfully his by all the laws of the realm. Were he to die, and I mean to see that he does, he has a younger brother. Tommen is next in line after Joffrey." "Tommen is no less a Lannister," Ser Marq Piper snapped. "As you say," said Robb, troubled. "Yet if neither one is king, still, how could it be Lord Renly? He's Robert's younger brother. Bran can't be Lord of Winterfell before me, and Renly can't be king before Lord Stannis." (AGOT Catelyn XI)
In the end Robb is declared King in the North, which is considered treason by Stannis, and that is a conversation that can go back and forth, but the point is even when wronged by the Lannisters Robb mentally struggled with this but then Brienne a person about loyalty and following oaths just joins Renly.
It’s frustrating because Renly dies in the second book and we don’t get her POV until Feast in which she is mainly focused on finding the Stark girls. Obviously these characters are supposed to be flawed, but unlike say Barristan who questions his past loyalties to Aerys, we just see very little introspection on this part from Brienne when she is supposed to be this opposition corner thematically to Jaime a knight who also committed treason. I’m sorry if this isn’t making sense, I’m trying to improve my English, I just felt I needed to vent on this aspect of a character I really like, and wanted to see what everyone thought.

Last night I found out from a friend that my wife is a sex worker. I didn't want to believe him at first. He has never met my wife before and didn't attend our wedding because he was overseas at the time. He currently lives in another city which my wife flies down to every weekend.
Here's how it happened:
Summary of Events:

• 6pm: Picked my wife up from the airport as usual; she said she was visiting her sister.
• 7pm: Had dinner with the family. I posted a photo on my Instagram story of my wife and son enjoying their meal.
• After 7pm: Went home to watch a movie with my wife after our son went to bed.
• 11pm: Received a call from my mate.

During the call, my friend said, "I thought you wanted to hear this." I jokingly told him to F off, but he was dead serious. He saw that I tagged my wife, so he dug deeper into her profile and confirmed it was her. He had seen her earlier today at a brothel when the pimp let him choose the girls. He said he didn't pick my wife, but his mate did. My friend mentioned my wife's distinctive tattoo on her forearm, which matches the one in my Instagram story. He knew this phone call might end our friendship, but he felt he had to let me know. He ended the call with, "I didn't know, bro. I am sorry."
3 am: I'm still awake, sitting in my car. What did I do to deserve this? I hope it isn't true. I hope this is a prank, a very bad prank.
4 am: I somehow found her working name through my friend, who told me about this. From her working name, I found explicit reviews about her online in some forum. I have never been so defeated in my life. I really hope this forum is some sort of prank they made to prank me. I have never visited a sex worker before so i do not know if this is legit or not. I hope it is not true. I really hope this is just a bad dream.
All night I cried in the car. I haven't confronted her yet. When she came out to ask me to go to bed, I had to pretend everything was fine. She gave me a goodnight kiss, but I was so put off by her being near me.
I hope this is all a mistake, but everything checks out. I did some digging on social media and found out that her sister, who she was supposed to be visiting, moved to Melbourne a few months ago. Yet, my wife still flies there every weekend. These trips have been happening since January last year. She even told me she went shopping with her sister today, but her sister’s social media showed her at a cafe in Melbourne this morning.
I don't have close friends here in Auckland. I moved here for work and don't know where to turn. I'm seriously considering divorce because this is too much for me to forgive and forget. Losing the house is the least of my worries now. I'm hurting badly and in so much pain. I love her so much, but I don't know what to do. Please do not troll me, i have never cried this much in my life.
Does anyone know of any support communities or resources for dealing with this kind of situation? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Regards Broken Man
UPDATE : Yes , i use chatgpt because English is not my first language and i just want to get my message across without having the readers to be confuse over my broken grammar. I just want to ask for genuine advice, not wanting to farm any likes or whatever its called on here. I guess its my fault for not stating it when i write.
As for writing the website on here, i did not know that i cant write it here. If it is an issue, then please delete my post. Very sorry to made you think that way of me. I never meant to offend anyone. I am too distraught to even reply to those who are saying negative things here.
Those that do not believe that this could happen, i agree with you. I never thought this situation is possible.
For the ones that asked me why i do not question her when she goes to another city every weekend leaving me to take care of my son, I did and we had a lot of arguments because my weekends i was stuck babysitting. As for the price of the flight, she has a job so she can afford it, we have a joint account and also our own private account that we do not share.
9am update : I have found more evidence and i am deciding between going to the lawyers first or confronting her first. I am very ashamed of going to see the lawyer and telling him/her in person of my situation. This is something really new to me. I am afraid that i will breakdown in front of the lawyer. I went to get a cup of coffee just now and tears just came flowing out.
Final update for today : To clarify again, I am a middle age man that has no interest whatsoever to do some "likes" farming or account farming or what its called on here. I do not know what is those terms and i have no use for them. I prefer to use chatgpt instead of direct translation because google translation often messed up the meaning which will make it look confusing or bad. I am not here to ask for attention or money donations. I am just here to ask some advice. Sorry if my chatgpt translation made people here angry. I always use that to reply my emails so i though it is not a bad thing.
I have received a lot of support in my PM as well as a lot of abuse. To the supports, i thank you for taking your time to message me, it means a lot. To the abusers, most of you are very angry in the inbox saying that i use chatgpt. As i have explained before, it helps me explain better and i did not know it is not allowed to use. Please excuse me for not knowing.
And for those who PM me to encourage me to harm myself so i wont be in this world and make nasty jokes at my family , i don't know why you are so mad at me but i cannot do that, i still have a son that needs me.

These are quotes from his review:
-The game just wasn't clicking for me.
-I'm not sure I would recommend Cat-On-A-Hot-Tin-Roof.
-But I must say that I left Soap-On-A-Rope disappointed. Not angry, disappointed.
There definitely had to have been games this year he was less hesitant about recommending over this and yet this still got 5th Best.

Just another fun little story idea I had. I am still working on Humans are the violent ones but I like to bounce around and experiment with ideas to see what I really like. I also suck at writing more casual stories, as they give me severe writer's block as I try to map out how to make a scene feel genuine in my head, but I promise I'll update that soon. If you like this story and want to see more, then like and comment. I'll gladly continue this series as well.
Start of Personal Log
Humans don't like being told what to do. They don't like being commanded, put in their place, or snubbed. It was an inexorable, inalienable trait of humans, at least any noteable humans, to go against any authority that they believed was against their interests.
Humanity would not fit amongst the stars. Few ever did. It was a trait of most successful species to be willful, ambitious, and to desire more. But once they reached the stars the new (and simultaneously very old) pecking order either quashed any spirit such species had or simply eradicated them. Countless tomb worlds and diaspora served as painful reminders of what became of the nails that chose to stick out. The hammer of order would always strike. There could be no compromise, the very soul of the authority that held the Jurisdiction together relied on a show of unmatched power, or at least the illusion of item.
In reality, the Jurisdiction was an old, fat, and lazy beast. It filled its belly on the corpses of empires far and wide, and sated its bloodlust on the shattered dreams of hopeful cubs. It had every right to, for none could challenge it: there were no new frontiers to explore, nor were there any other enemies to conquer. The Milky Way, as humans had so strangely dubbed our cradle galaxy, as well as Andromeda, had long since been warred over and settled for millennia before humanity had arrived, bright-eyed and with familiar yet otherwise foolish dreams of cooperation and prosperity. The Jurisdiction did not cooperate, nor did it ensure prosperity. Oh, it claimed it did, but in reality it simply took. The rest was just the peace that came with not being the direct target of the biggest fish in the pond. The humans didn't like that, but they had no choice.
Slavery was a common tribute. The Jurisdiction had no use for other resources: it simply took. No, it wanted those who could facilitate that unequal exchange, those raised in a world where the only morality was the one set by your lord. The Jurisdiction was held together by expectations, obligations, and dury more than any kind of shared dream, so when you were ordered to take you did so without question. Humanity was new: they had no niche or value that set them apart, but they had a penchant for killing and taking, so the Jurisdiction gave them a taste of how the galaxy worked. They killed and they took. The humans didn't like that, but what choice did they have?
Humans were strange. They learned, but not in the way most species learned. Most species learned to adapt in a passive way, to adhere to the world around them. They flowed like water, moving past and around obstacles and confirming to the boxes they were assigned too. Humans didn't confirm, nor did they adapt: they made their circumstances fit their desires. They would not move around obstacles, but rather smash through them, and they refused to stay in one box for too long. The Jurisdiction merely saw them as a particularly loud nuisance, but those who faced their wrath knew better.
It is said that when a beast seeks to make an example, it shall humble its rival by killing it's cubs. Children were one of those universal constants that brought entire communities together: the Sok’klar saw their hatchlings as gifts, shaped by the fruitful currents of the universe in perfect harmony. The Yarrack saw each and every newborn whelp as an uncut gemstone, ready to be shaped into something magical. Humanity oftentimes referred to their offspring as angels, or spirits of unbridled good sent by the gods themselves. Children were seen by most of the galaxy as gifts.
The Jurisdiction saw them as a lever to inflict suffering. It had become quite effective at enacting psychological punishments on those that stood up and spoke out. You dare to disobey? You believe you can speak out? Your gifts shall be taken from you, and you shall be without joy.
Humans didn't like this, but the Jurisdiction would have their pound of flesh, and humankind would kneel. And they did. But humans were patient creatures: most species who retained that trait of willful spit also lacked patience.
I had long since become desensitized to the Jurisdiction’s actions: it was simply how the universe worked now, as if it were a constant akin to gravity. Cruelty was the unspoken rule of this seemingly unending age, where our lives never appeared to move forward or backwards, only lay dormant. The Jurisdiction had been the unyielding authority that ruled the galaxy for thousands of years, venerable yet feared all the same.
And for the longest time I was just another cog in its wheel. My name is Kalnuracht Sedjuur-Noumar VII, and was the scion of the noble house Sedjuur-Noumar. I was born into what most would describe as veiled apathy, living a life that could be attributed to the privileged class of feared scribes that enacted the will of those above. I was an administrator and nothing more. And now I am doomed to be far less than that in the eyes of my former constituents within the endless administration. I am the only scion, as is tradition, and without an heir I am the last of my house, our name to be scrubbed from the records, worthless, meaningless, and forgotten.
I am merely Kalnuracht, nothing else and nothing more. I have seen from their eyes, the eyes of the downtrodden, and it makes my crimes of association with the Jurisdiction feel all the more damning on my worthless soul. I am worthless to the world, and this is my story.
End Personal Log #1
Start of Neural Lace Narrative Log #1
They came from the black like carrion birds in the night, encircling our convoy as if it were a dying animal ready to be picked clean without remorse. There was no warning, no list of demands sent out as civilized peoples did, nor was there either any requirement for unconditional surrender nor chance to parlay, as was done so under letter of marque: this was an unmistakable call for violence and nothing else. They sought to reduce us to slag and scavenge the rest.
So, as one would expect, the entire bridge of the ship was nearing a panicked state. This was not the actions of those practicing civility, but rather the common behaviors of despoiling barbarians, the kind that tore their way through the dark reaches of the galaxy as if they owned it.
“Wayfinder, what do your probes see?” Shouted the ship’s sovereign. He was an older Kar’Rowmach, an amphibious cephalopod species with a venerable history within the Jurisdiction going back thousands of years. Normally one such as him would be above me if it weren't for the fact that I was under the authority of the Jurisdiction’s seal of office. He didn't like me very much, but most of his kind shared the same sentiment.
“All dark, honorable Sovereign: the sensor arrays are wailing but the feedback we're reviewing is beyond incomprehensible,” the wayfinder replied with a certain restrained temper in his voice. The Sok'klar wayfinder swayed gently, his tentacled limbs grasping different metallo-liquid braille output arrays, the liquid gallium flexing and reshaping unnaturally to allow him to to take in multiple different sources of sensory output at once, with the primary navigation computer plugged into the cybernetics surrounding his opaque, gelatinous head and plugging directly into his tube-shaped brain.
The Sovereign cursed in Loskat and pointed to his bridge crew while I simply sat in the back, near the Sovereign’s symbolic throne. “Prepare countermeasures and spool up the warp drive, we cannot allow the amanuensis to be taken! He carries sensitive information that only he can translate and transcribe!”
As the bridge crew nodded and began fiddling with their own systems, I preened my feathered hide anxiously. I wasn't a fighter: us nobles of the cloth were the educated minority above all else, not those who waged war or partook in hard labor. Special cybernetics in my brain allowed me to translate triple-encoded messages that usually took a ducal signet codekey or above to parse, but even without that I was a skilled mathematician and logician. I had terabytes worth of knowledge stored within the hardware installed in my head, all well protected of course, but if I were to die it would still be a waste. I could only imagine the damage any malcontenders could do with it if they were able to get their filthy hands on me.
Suddenly, the ship rocked, and the gallium overhead display began to form crescendos like I'd never seen before. “Sovereign, decks A-3 through C-12 are venting atmosphere and our coolant systems have been obliterated,” the Wayfinder spoke in an almost serene voice, as if he was completely unconcerned by current events. I knew they were simply incapable of tonal displays, but it was unnerving nonetheless. “Once we jump, we will not be able to risk another until the vacuum of the void can reduce temperatures to acceptable levels within the plasma capacitors.”
“Damn them,” the armored nautiloid hissed, his barbed feelers coiling in frustration, “May the currents take them. What are our options? what can we see? This fleet cannot fall to the void today, not with such vital cargo.” My hackles rose lightly at the Kar’Rowmach referred to me as some object rather than an esteemed amanuensis of the Jurisdiction, but I bit my forked tongue. Now was not the time to squabble with the sovereign over who was what and what titles I deserved, not while he was so desperately attempting to keep what semblance of order within his fleet that he had left.
I could not blame the crew for being panicked either: wars were practically mythologized now, having been long since rendered obsolete with the rise of the Jurisdiction, and that felt like an eternity ago. Now, either being levied into or joining a ducal naval force was simply another career, more akin to serving as an officer of the law rather than a fully fledged soldier. Minimal training was required, most of it being the technicals of one's duty rather than any kind of combat conditioning, so expecting a fleet to actually be prepared for a combat scenario in a universe where peace was the norm was laughable.
“We are practically blind, Sovereign,” stated the Sok'klar Wayfinder, “our probes are offline, and shipboard graviton displacement sensory arrays have been rendered unreliable at best.”
“What about the particle emission array? Has there been a spike in radioactivity where we were hit?”
The Wayfinder seemed to think for a second, his gelatinous form flexing and morphing a bit before answering. “Affirmative, a jump from negligible to forty billion becquerels along decks A through E-5 on our starboard side.”
“Torpedoes…” the Sovereign hissed, stroking his barbed feelers, “Human Torpedoes. Only those primitives would rely on crude nuclear warheads.” He then turned to his militant leaders on the ship. “Noddos, Rel’ads: organize your phalanxes and prepare to repel boarders. We are bound to be assailed by those rancorous primates, and I want their skulls piled at my feet if they dare set foot on our ship.”
“Your wish is our command, Sovereign,” the two militant commanders spoke as one. Noddos, a large bipedal with multiple sets of curved spines running down his back, a pair of graceful horns sprouting from his head, and multiple rows of sharp teeth in his snout, bowed first, followed by Rel’ads, a marsupial with long saberteeth and thick fur. They both must have been fierce warriors in their own right to each lead a phalanx. They wore thick, semi-powered armor and held dueling polearms alongside their usual plasma casters, and seemed completely unfazed by the situation we were in. As they stomped out of the brightly lit bridge, I let out a quiet squawk of discontentment. “Sovereign, why haven't we jumped again? We are wasting precious time.”
“I am working on it, you spineless beaurocrat!” He warbled back, his feelers tensing in anger, “besides, it's not as if you're the one who will be spilling blood today, amanuensis, so flatten your wretched beak or I shall weld it shut with a plasma torch.
I was about to reply with something indignant, but the ship rocked again, this time causing the lights to flicker and the air to become… thick. The skin under my feathers began to blister, and I became lightheaded and confused. “Seal the damnable vents, initiate radiation scrubbers, and activate secondary life support!” Shouted the Sovereign, “Their nuclear weapons are rendering the ship inhospitable!”
I coughed up magenta blood accidentally, and I could feel more seeping from under my eyes. Some of the crew was in a similar position, but others were more resistant to radiation than I. The Sok'klar seemed completely at ease as he ran his tentacles across his morphic braille arrays before calmly announcing the ship’s status. “I've regained some control over our probes: ten, twelve, and seventeen are active and fully functional, the rest are either still malfunctioning or permanently inoperable. A rapid rise in localized radiation is also interfering with the detection of graviton displacement; we can't sense photon redirection, thus readings will remain inconclusive.
“Wayfinder, damn you, get me some kind of out here! We're easy prey until we can respond in kind!”
“Negative, something has gone awry with our processing hub, I am attempting to troubleshoot-”
And with that, the Wayfinder’s bulbous head exploded in a cascade of opaque lavender blood, covering the front half of the deck crew like a morbid art piece. Some of the crew screamed and shouted in terror before removing their cranial adaptors and choosing to interact with their displays manually. Others died just as quickly, unable to unplug in time as their brain stems fried or their blood boiled. It was a horrible way to go, having your insides neutralized by your own cybernetics, so I was glad I wasn't connected to the system.
“Cybernetic warfare! All systems are to be considered compromised, switch to manual settings or you'll be killed!”
The lights in the bridge flickered again, and the displays went haywire. The bridge crew, which obviously weren't acquainted with working without being hard-linked into the mainframe, moved at a much slower pace.
“Launch missile pods A through F and set to self-target after five hundred kilometers, then rely on their ballistic coordinates to begin firing broadsides! If we can't see the humans due to their meddling, we'll just have to feel them.” Shouted the Sovereign, “and got me a detailed report on the ship’s diagnostics readings. I need to know if this flagship is still capable of escaping or if we'll have to scuttle it and retreat on another.”
“Acknowledged, Sovereign, launching now,” affirmed another deck officer as he swiped across his own gallium output array. I could hear the dull thunk, thunk, thunk of missiles pushing out of their pods before racing off to their intended targets, then the mechanical whirring as the pods rotated to be reloaded by slaves in the lower decks. I was regaining my bearings as the many horrible sensations of being overwhelmed by radiation poisoning were beginning to subside, but I still felt as if I had been microwaved. The air was stale, the crew was horribly sick as well, and even the sovereign himself seemed to be on his last leg. I was beginning to believe that I might die here.
“Sovereign, a message from the lower decks,” shouted a communications officer, his chitin scraping against itself as he turned quickly, “they're requesting reinforcements, something about being overrun.”
“Impossible,” the Sovereign hissed out in a vain attempt to exude confidence, “We must outnumber the humans, they always go for bigger targets out of arrogance.”
“I've received reports that it's not just humans: the primates seem to make up only a third or so of the assailing force, along with some Phaeldaer and Vrex.”
The commander slammed his clawed hands down on his own output array in a fit of rage, obviously overwhelmed by the circumstances, “Then this wasn't just a typical assault, but something more sinister!” The nautiloid warbled, blood seeping from his shell as the full effects of the radiation took hold, “Get Rel’ads on the line, have him divert all spare lances to the lower decks or else we'll lose the only offensive capabilities we can use.”
“Rel'ads has gone dark, Sovereign, his vitals are critical.”
“Then either get me Rel'ads tail-leader or get me Noddos!” He screamed in rage, “don't give me this nonsense! If we don't pick it up we're all going to die, is that what you want?”
“No, Sovereign, I'm simply overwhelmed-”
“We're all overwhelmed! By the tides, I'm dying of radiation poisoning you nincompoop! Get me something I can work with!”
The officer didn't even acknowledge the Sovereign after that, simply turning back to his display. Eventually, the Sovereign was able to get Noddos on the line.
“Sovereign, two thirds of my phalanxes have been decimated by combat with the primitives and the radiation, the rest are in shambles. We must retreat and fortify elsewhere!”
“Then the ship is compromised! Rel'ads is unresponsive and the lower decks are swarming with intruders. We must evacuate the amanuensis to another ship.”
Just as the Sovereign spoke, I heard several gentle thumps rattle against the bridge’s door, and it made me uneasy. Some of the bridge crew seemed to feel the same, as they looked incredibly nervous and some even drew their sidearms. Just as the sovereign turned to give further orders, the door blew inward with a deafening explosion, followed by shouting and gunfire. Several of the bridge officers were dispatched quickly, brain matter and blood splattering against the delicate electronics. Others were shot in the legs, the torso, or in any other exotic yet non-vital body parts. The humans poured in, brandishing primitive ballistic firearms and jury-rigged energy weapons while wearing scavenged, legion-grade powered armor.
The Sovereign was the next to go, but he wasn't afforded an honorable death. He was shot along the arm with a particularly potent plasma caster, burning off his clawed hand and cauterizing the wound, the acrid smell of roasting chitin filling the already hot and cramped bridge. He fell back against his output array, the gallium reaching new highs and lows as more diagnostics and casualty reports were delivered, and he clutched his stump angrily. “I'll burn every last one of you in the foundries! I'll tie you to stakes, cover you in wax and set you alight! Your screams will be broadcasted all over the galaxy!”
One human warrior stomped up and slammed the butt of his rifle into the sovereign’s face, shattering his facial plates and causing blue blood to splatter across his section of the bridge. “Shut the fuck up, you mutant lobster,” the human said before dragging him by both antennae towards the center of the bridge and receiving a stained breeching axe from one of his comrades. “Emmanuel, start recording. We need proof.”
The other human nodded and pressed a button on his armor before lifting up his gun again. The rest of the humans fanned out, holding everyone else at gunpoint. I tried to get up and sneak out, but a human grabbed me by my neck and nearly wrung it out as he forced me to my knees and pointed a sidearm to my skull. “Get down, you piece of shit, before I blow your brains out too.”
“Damnable primate,” I hissed, but he bashed me in my skull with the base of his sidearm’s grip and sent me sprawling, making my already pounding headache worse. Another human shouted at him in a language I didn't recognize, but he sounded furious. The first brought me back up to my knees again, and I complies with a hiss and a groan, blood still leaking from my eyes and mouth and my world was spinning.
The Sovereign struggled, but he was weak from the radiation poisoning and he couldn't exactly resist on account of his lost arm. The human with the breaching ax kicked the Sovereign down and forced him to kneel before lifting up the breeching ax and splitting his chitinous head down the middle with one powerful swing, sending more blood and brains across the floor. “Execution confirmed, take his antennae just in case and we've got ourselves a bounty. Now all we need is that ugly cat’s teeth and the fat hedgehog-thing’s grimy spines and we'll be in business. Although, they do have skulls… we might as well just take their heads.”
The real horror of the situation dawned on me at that moment: they were going to kill us all, or maybe worse. They mentioned a bounty for the commanders, and multiple of the higher ranking ship officers were already dead, their brains splattered against the walls or their bodies torn apart by gunfire. I wasn't dead yet, but that didn't mean much since I wasn't an immediate threat.
“Alright, round them up and bring all the grunts to the hanger bay, then kill the rest,” the leader of the humans said in such a lackadaisical manner that his complete disregard for life almost made me sick… almost. I had seen worse from the Jurisdiction before, but usually that was from me delivering some kind of ordered judgment on a world that had sinned against order. I might have simply been the messenger, but I had seen many of the outcomes. “And make sure to collect whatever proof of bounties you can, we'll need to deliver them to the office to get cashed out. Don't let this be a repeat of last time where Juarez fucking forgot to take a few heads and it ended up cutting our profits in half, the fucking retard.”
Some of the humans chuckled at that as they dragged more of the senior officers away, out of the room and into the hall,where I heard gunshots. The rest of the bridge crew froze in place, different fear instincts kicking in. The remaining Sok'klar corralled together into what seemed to be a singular, semi-congealed mass as if to try and trick the humans into believing that they were much bigger and much more threatening than they actually were. The one Thei’chi on the bridge, an ensign who had clearly thought this would be a simple mission, bore her curved fangs at the humans and growled as they approached, her hackles completely vertical and her eyes dilated. They quickly muzzled and bound her before beating her over the head with a gun stock, sending her sprawling onto the ground. Many others simply cooperated, eyes wide and yet simultaneously empty, as if they couldn't quite process that the ship had been taken and the commanding officers were being executed as the rest were escorted to the hangar.
“Get the damn messenger down to the hanger as well, we need whatever data's in his ugly lizard head, then we can decide on what to do with him.”
I spat at him in spite, as if to try and seem brave, but it was clearly an empty gesture. “You won't get anything, primate! You couldn't possibly crack the encryption!”
The human holding me seemed to wind up for another swing, but the commanding officer simply held up his hand to stop my tormentor before strolling over to me. He knelt down and removed his helmet, revealing a beige-colored face covered in scars, wiry black hair cut down to the scalp, and multiple tattoos. “You're really fucking mouthy for a hostage,” he said before punching me across my beak faster than I could register. I heard a sharp crack as his fist connected, and my head spun again as the metallic taste of blood pooled into my mouth. “I'd advise you to shut up, but I'm sure you won't listen: you aristocratic types are so full of yourselves. Maybe I should have you flogged in the public square until your vocal chords give out once we rip those cybernetics from your head, huh? How's that sound?”
“It won't matter… it won't change anything… the Jurisdiction will hunt you down.”
“Maybe, but I doubt it will happen for some time: they really suck at doing anything that requires effort, even when they're mad enough. They just keep sending their rabid lapdogs to try and smoke us out, and they always end up full of holes,” the human officer said with a smirk, his yellowish-white teeth and green eyes sending shivers down my spine as he drew his knife. “They're just horrible at their job, you know? You've all gotten so lazy and incompetent after being able to just take what you want without resistance, and now that you've met people who are angry and crazy enough to fight back you act as if we're committing some grave injustice,” he placed the knife against my throat, the flat just underneath my now bent beak, “No, we just took a few pages out of your book, ‘cept we've got standards. No kids, for one…” he seemed to look off into the distance as his sneer deepened, “but it's more than that, we don't attack the defenseless in general and we still win against you all in fair fights.”
I went to say something else snarky, but he quickly grabbed my thin tongue with his fingers and yanked it out, blood from my mouth pulling to the floor as he held the blade of his knife against it. “No no, none of that. Say one more thing and I'll cut that rancid little tongue of yours out of your mouth and feed it to you,” he hissed at me, pressing the blade down just hard enough to draw blood. “Do you know what it's like to see a planet turn into a tomb?" he asked me, gritting his teeth, “Do you know what it's like to see everything you've ever known crumble to ash and glass, all the life and the green stripped away leaving nothing but bones? I do. I've seen it happen to countless worlds, and my grandfather always told me stories of how you bastards did it to Earth. He still prays in its direction five times a day, to Mecca, but he knows the Kaaba is gone now, or maybe it's still there, buried in the bones of those who sought refuge there.”
I didn't care for the human’s nonsensical beliefs, but I did care to correct him. “I've seen it before, and I'll see it again. And so will you, it's inevitable. The Jurisdiction will always have its judgment fulfilled, there is no alternative.”
“One day, I hope we can rectify that,” he said, then he sheathed his knife and slammed my head against the metal floor with enough force to nearly knock me out. As I lost consciousness, I could hear him speak. “Take him to the Chop Doc, and make sure the cybernetics don't get damaged: they're supposedly more valuable than any bounty on this ship.”
Warning: Severe radiation poisoning detected. Flush system immediately.
Warning: Neural Lace removal detected, chance of neurological damage high. Proceeded with caution.

Heyo all, I’ve got a question. So im planning for my next tattoo and I want it to be a Markiplier quote. One that I was thinking was “You may fail, but you fail in a wonderful way.” He said that to Ethan in the Markiplier Makes Pancakes. It makes me feel happy, cause I often make mistakes or fail stupidly, but it’s typically pretty funny. I was also thinking, the most stupid thing, putting “You Right” on my right wrist. There’s just something so stupid but so funny about that, and it could be helpful(I somehow forget rights and lefts). But if anyone has some other, clean as it will be on my body forever, awesome Markiplier quotes that could be a cool tattoo, please put them in the comments. I also plan to have my mom write them in her handwriting to make it extra special.

TLDR: My boyfriend is amazing, but has depression which makes him constantly upset and irritated with me, making me extremely paranoid and on edge with everything I say because i’m scared he’ll get upset. He keeps saying he’d change, but goes back to how he was, but he is now seemingly making more of an effort to change by changing his medication and going to therapy. I still feel very paranoid and anxious with him even though he is doing better, but i’m worried that in the process of him getting fully better, he’ll go back to how he was, and I don’t know how much more of it I can take. He is an amazing man and I love him so much, but I’m worried I will always feel on edge when I’m with him. Any advice?
Hi! A little backstory, my boyfriend (19M) suffers from depression, and has always taken medication for it since he was younger. Right before we met, he had taken a gap year to focus on his mental health, and got to a point where he went off his medication because he didn’t like how it made him feel (zombie-like). We first met (we technically already knew each other but that’s besides the point)around 4-5 months before he would’ve started college again, and got together around 2 months into being friends. As school came around, he became really scared that he would have to take another gap semesteyear, because even though getting off his medication helped to an extent, he was still struggling with dealing with his mental health. At the same time, he was worried about getting on medication because he told me that he experiences and adjustment period for the first 6 weeks that causes him to become irritable and agitated very easily and have increased suicidal ideation, but even after the adjustment period, irritability would still be a side effect that he had to deal with and manage.
Eventually, when school started, his mental health did become worse, so he decided to get on medication again, and he did go through an adjustment period. It was a struggle- it was hard seeing him very sad and depressed all the time, and I always tried to help him as best as I could- offering to help him get ready in the morning/drive him to school if he couldn’t get out of bed, helping him with assignments, etc.
At the same time, he definitely became constantly agitated with me. If I didn’t hear him say something and asked him to repeat it (although this was also an issue before he started the medication, but i feel like it got more pronounced), he would basically get very clearly annoyed and quiet, barely talking to me or shutting me down with one word responses. If i didn’t text him for a couple of hours (i have adhd and will sometimes forget to text, which i know is reasonable to be upset about, but he would also do the same thing when playing games with friends), or talked just a bit too much (another adhd symptom, which again i understand can get annoying because i can sometimes go on for VERY long), or if i forget something (an item, memory, or something he told me before), or if we have a recurring joke but for some reason just didn’t like it that day, or if i called him on the phone unprompted (which he does to me too, so i didn’t know that was something i couldn’t do) or if i just say any normal thing but for some reason he just didn’t like it that day, i would be met with irritation, passive aggressiveness, and the silent treatment. I would’ve been slightly more okay with it if it was just a few minutes and then he was back to normal, but he would continue like this for HOURS. If we started talking in the evening, and i said something that slightly annoyed him, it was basically a guarantee that he would be essentially silent for the rest of the night. Not only that, but this happened almost every single day.
I’d like to note that he never expressed his irritation in an angry way, or yelled/said harmful things about me/did anything physical, he would just become very quiet, and anything he did say was very clearly in an irritated voice, as well as passive aggressive remarks.
Eventually, I talked about this with him. When i did, i basically completely forgot that his medication was a reason for a lot of what was happening, so when i talked to him about it, I didn’t mention medication at all. He told me that his medication caused a lot of his agitation and at first accused me of not believing that his medication caused side effects/not taking them seriously, but eventually apologized and said that it wasn’t an excuse and that he’d do better, but also said that sometimes i misinterpreted him as upset when he really wasn’t (which tbh i don’t believe, because sometimes if i pointed something out that he did, he’d say he wasn’t upset or annoyed at all, but a day or two later, tell me he was irritated with me).
He did do better for a bit, but after around a month it basically went to the same way it was before. This went on for a few months, I continued to have conversations with him, he continued to tell me he’d do better, and he would be a bit until he wasn’t. To be fair, after the 6 week adjustment period was over, he still was not doing well at all for about another month, and so he increased his medication dose, which made him have another adjustment period, and he did tell me that his biggest concern was how he’d treat me during that time, so I decided to keep being patient until he got his medication under control.
Fast forward a couple of months, and I was seeing improvements- until about 2 months ago. We saw each other a lot more often; before this time, we’d usually see each other 1-2 times a week and we’d have some sleepovers, but in those two months, i’d stay over at his house for 3-5 days a week. During this time, his irritation got way worse. He definitely valued his independence, but would continuously ask me to stay over, it wasn’t like I urged him to let me stay over. Here are some examples of things that happened:

1. before i came over, he told me how he didn’t want to think about making food because he was stressed over schoolwork. I asked him if I could make him something, he told me yes, so I made pizza while he showered. I’ve made pizza several times before, he made it once with me(also, i’ve cooked for years while he only started occasionally baking things when we got together since i liked to cook/bake), and when he came down, he saw the pizza dough was slightly stickier than it looked when he made it with me. He got annoyed and kept asking what I did wrong, and that from now on, i should only cook when he was with me to make sure I don’t mess it up, and then basically became extremely quiet for the next 15-30 minutes. I think he realized he sounded super weird saying this, and tried to turn it into a joke after those 30 minuted, but it made me feel really bad in the moment becsude I only wanted to do something nice for him. By the way, the pizza turned out great- my friend came over to eat with us and told us it was one of the best pizzas she’s ever had.
   
2. These next few are connected: The next day, he was at school, and I happened to not have school that day so I stayed at his house while he was there to rest because I had a really bad headache. Again, the past few days he told me how stressed he was about school, so I wanted to surprise him. I cleaned his room, made pizza sauce for pizza since we had extra dough (he really likes the pizza), and made him cookies because he told me he was craving them a few days before. He took an uber to school (he couldn’t drive yet at this point), and so I also offered to pick him up.
   

* The first thing that happened was he has a mildly confusing alarm system I had to disable before going outside to get to the car. If i didn’t do the steps correctly, the alarm would sound. Basically, I had to disable the alarm, go through the garage door and close it fully, press the button to open the garage, go back inside and press another button tot turn the alarm back on, and go out the garage door while it’s beeping and fully close the door again to stop the beeping. He told me these directions and I followed them, and the beeping continue to happen even after I closed the door. i texted him that I was walking out the garage but there was still beeping, he told me it was okay, but then the alarm went off. I think he thought that I didn’t close the garage door yet, which is why he thought it was okay? But apparently I didn’t wait for him to fully give him instructions (which I was genuinely confused about bc even looking back at the texts now he did), and he got extremely frustrated with me, telling me that because I didn’t properly follow directions, it was now going to call his parents. He kept saying that it was whatever, and that he’d just take an uber, but I apologized profusely and kept telling him that I’d do it right. He texted his mom, and apparently he told me to press the wrong button, and that i need to press a different one instead after going back in through the garage door. In the moment, he kept saying that the other button was still right and always works for him, but later he admitted that he was probably wrong about it. * The second thing that happened isn’t really a big deal, but i’ll still include it. My boyfriend also has anxiety, and is a very big backseat driver. However, backseat driving makes me extremely paranoid and be a worse driver, so it’s just a never ending cycle. I would be following the directions on the GPS, and he would keep telling me the directions as if I can’t see them myself. For example, if i’m about to turn right, he’d would keep repeating “turn right over here” a bunch of times, each one more with more urgency, as if it isn’t what I was already doing. He will pick apart everything I do, and tell me not to talk too much or turn the music up too loud because it would distract me. Again, to be fair, because of my ADHD, I do get distracted easily, even on the road, but it’s usually pretty manageable, and I’m able to talk on the phone/listen to music when driving when I’m by myself. The problem is with him, I get paranoid over what i’m doing, so I get distracted, and I guess that makes it seem like the music/talking is what’s distracting me. Again, when he backseat drives, he also gets extremely agitated/quiet, and he basically continued on like that for the next few hours. * Lastly, when we got home, he was irritated over everything I did. I did leave a bit later than I told him I would because of the things I was preparing (i think i left at 3:15 instead of 3), but I told him beforehand, and he told me to take my time and come anytime I wanted to since I was going out of my way to drive him(be told me this right when I offered to drive him and after I told him i’d be a bit late). When we got home, I told him about what i made and that I cleaned his room, but he got upset because I made the pizza sauce/cookies because he wanted us to do it together. I told him that I would’ve loved to make them together, but just wanted to surprise him because he told me he had a lot of work to do and told me he was craving cookies earlier. He said that he didn’t have as much work anymore, and told me that he thought I knew that because he told me the assignments he need to do (i did know that most of the deadlines were for that day and the day before, but he told me he had some deadlines for a few days after and had told me his whole week was busy, but I guess to him I should’ve know that most of his pressing work would’ve been done that day). He was upset with me again for another few hours, and I tried to tell him there were things we could still do together like assemble the pizza, make something the next day, etc, but he wasn’t having it. Eventually a few hours later he got over it and told me he appreciated that I made him those things, and he was disappointed that we couldn’t do it together, and then mentioned that he was grateful that I cleaned up for him (he didn’t mention it before). 

Several other things happened, but I think that’s enough to somewhat get the picture. The biggest thing that happened though was just a couple of weeks ago. We hadn’t seen each other in maybe 2-3 weeks, and so I was really excited to get to see him. He had an exam that day, so I offered to drive him, and he again said that he didn’t want to worry about making food. The day before he told me he was craving pizza, so yet again I said i’d make it before i came over (starting to think pizza and me driving is cursed). I asked him before if it was okay that I made him pizza, and he said yes, and so we agreed that I would get to his house around 2 (it was maybe 10 am at the time). I bought supplies and started making the pizza. after a while though, I guess he changed his mind about me making the pizza because it took a while. Around 1, I could tell he was getting annoyed. He kept saying that the pizza wasn’t important enough bc i could’ve been at his house already. I finished making the pizza and got to his house pretty early, maybe 5-10 minutes before 2. After that, I was still waiting in the car for another 30 minutes because he was still getting ready, and he got to my car around 2:30. He was still very upset and annoyed with me and gave me the silent treatment. I tried to keep the mood light, but again, he just didn’t say anything. When we were driving, I asked him if he wanted to play music, and what song I should play, but just… complete silence, not even a nod or head shake or anything. For the entire ride he was just on his phone, texting a few friends, and I started to silently cry because I felt so unappreciated. When we got to his campus, he went to a reserved room, but I had to stay in the car because i have a tutoring job that’s online, and had a session at the same time we parked. The person I was supposed to tutor wasn’t there for the session, which was lucky for me because right when my boyfriend left, I started sobbing. When I got out of the car I was still crying as I was walking across the street, and decided to call my friend to take my mind off of everything. Her girlfriend also went to the same college as my boyfriend, and I didn’t know exactly where I was supposed to go, so I called her to help me find where I needed to go. Since we were calling, I didn’t see some texts my boyfriend sent me, but I finally found the room. I was a bit cheered up from my friend but still sad, but wanted to act happy and normal in case he was just randomly in a bad mood and just needed a distraction. When I came in, I was happy to see him and made some jokes, but all he said was “why didn’t you text me” in the most monotone, upset voice. I told him that I was sorry and forgot, would do better next time, and was going to explain that I was on the phone so i didn’t see his texts, but he interrupted me and said something like “i don’t care about you telling me you’re going to do better, just actually do it” in the meanest, irritated tone. It doesn’t seem like a big deal at all, but he has never retorted at me like that before, especially in the way he did. That was my final straw, and I just completely broke down and started crying. He kept asking me to talk to him and tell me what I was thinking, which only made it worse because it was pretty clear as to why I was crying. He comforted me, apologized, and then had to leave for his exam. For the next 4 hours he was in his exam, I was just crying nonstop. When he came back, I was still crying, and he kept apologizing and asked if I was going to break up with him. I told him I wasn’t, and then told him that this happened so often and I felt like no matter what I did, there was something I was doing wrong, and that I felt unloveable. He again apologized a lot and told me he loved me, and later told me that he really wanted to change his medication and get therapy.
A few days later, a similar thing happened, but not to that extent. My boyfriend just got his license and offered to pick me up from one of my exams. I told him I wasn’t sure how long the exam would be, and didn’t want to let him know yet because it could’ve taken very long. I was right- it was supposed to be from 12-3, but I ended up starting later end ending around 6:30. I texted him after I finished, but he told me he wished I would’ve let him know earlier because he wasn’t comfortable driving in the dark yet, which is reasonable. He became very quiet and upset again though, and again, anytime I made conversation, he would shut it down and be really upset. I also told him that I had to move out of my dorm, and so he didn’t have to come if he didn’t want to because it would’ve been a lot of things to haul out. He said that it was okay and that he wanted to see me, and so he came over. When he did, he got upset again because we fooled around for an hour or two instead packing everything up (which he initiated), and then as we started pskcking, he became mean and frustrated again. He kept saying that he just didn’t expect to be moving me out, and that he just wanted to pick me up and go home, even though so told him before that that’s what was going to happen. After everything was packed up and we were in the car, he was still silent and upset but a bit less so. I felt really bad and became quiet, and he told me and i quote: “i’m feeling really anxious to drive this car at night, so can you just act normal”, which felt weird for him to say because I was only acting like that because of he as acting mean. I wanted to get home though because it was pretty late, so I just played some music and acted like my normal self, and that made me feel a bit better. When we got home, he apologized again, and thanked me for being patient with him, and that he’d be getting help soon.
After that, he did become a lot nicer to me. There were things I’ve said which I was sure he was going to get upset over, but he just didn’t at all. Usually, even after he’d apologize other times, he would still get a bit upset with me, but it’d only last a few minutes before he became normal again. This time, he wasn’t upset at all even for the things he’d most commonly get upset about (like me not hearing what he said for example). Hes been this way for around 2 weeks, and had not been getting upset at all, and he said he’s getting therapy soon.
The problem now is, especially because of the last two incidents, I still feel extremely anxious and paranoid when I’m with him. I am constantly on edge because I’m worried I’ll say the wrong thing when I’m with him, and it’ll be just like how it has been for the past almost one year.
Looking back at what i just wrote, these instances don’t really seem like that big of a deal, especially compared to how some other people are treated on this subreddit. I think what makes me upset is just how often it happens and how it completely messes up our entire day because he’s just upset the entire time. In the past 3-4 months, I don’t think we’ve ever had a call/hangout where he upset for at least 1-2 hours. I think another thing that really hurts me is that he just acts completely different around me vs anyone else. A lot of the times when I call him, he will get so upset and annoyed so quickly for menial things. He plays games for hours a day, so sometimes when we’re facetime and he wants to play with some friends, he’ll set his camera up so I can watch him play while i do other things, kind of like a youtube video. Whenever we’re on call and he’s upset, and then tells me he wants to play and sets his camera up, his mood instantly changes. His face literally brightens up, and he seems so much happier and talkative. I will sometimes hear his friends on the other end, and they will say/do the exact same things that he gets annoyed at me with, and it just is not a big deal at all, he doesn’t even seem to notice that it happened. Same with my friends- One day, we were planning a trip to the beach, and were supposed to leave around 12 PM. When he came home, he became upset and quiet with me again, and I kept asking him what was wrong and if we’re still going on our trip, but he just ignored me. Finally, at around 6 PM, he was normal again, and then took another hour and a half to get ready, so we ended up leaving at 7:30 PM. My friend was texting me at the same time, so I told my boyfriend to talk to her while I was driving. As we were driving (we were around 15 minutes away at this point), I realized I forgot my license. I asked him if I should turn around, he kept telling me he wasn’t sure, and he was just very upset and annoyed with me, even though judt before we left a whole 7 hours later because he was upset. We drove for an hour before he decided that I should drive back, and I kept apologizing for forgetting my license, and that we could try again tomorrow morning. His mom told us we could go to dinner or something to make up for the day, and I asked him if he wanted to do that, and he just said “why would we do that what would we even eat” in a harsh tone. Again, I tried to keep it light, telling him that I was sorry and we could start fresh tomorrow, and he said that he didn’t want to go to the beach anymore in an upset tone. Again, for half of the night after we came home, he was upset and irritated with me. Later that night, I looked back at. the texts between my friend and boyfriend, and I was in shock with just how different he was acting with me in real life vs how he was acting with her. As he was upset with me, he was texting her with updates, making jokes, and basically just making it seem like it wasn’t a big deal at all that I didn’t have my license. In real life, he acted like I was so stupid for forgetting it, and that it was the worst thing I could’ve possibly done.
I feel like most people who read this might just think he values his independence, and that aim too clingy. I too thought that maybe I just wasn’t giving him his space, especially because I’m his first girlfriend. I will not offer to call/come over as much just to see if I’m the one asking too often and he feels too bad to say no, but when I don’t, he will keep asking me to call him and come over, and ask why I haven’t been talking to him as much/initiates calls or hangouts. He’ll tell me to call more often and hang out with him more often as well. If we hang out, I’ll tell him that I’ll go home for the night and don’t plan on sleeping over, and he’ll keep asking me if I could sleep over or when I could sleep over, and continue to make plans.
Despite what I’ve said, my boyfriend is genuinely the most amazing guy anyone could ever meet. He’s sweet, kind, and thoughtful with genuinely everyone- his parents, my friends, his friends, his professors, everyone. He is an amazing tipper, he goes out of his way to do things for my friends, and anytime i mention the slightest thing he’ll go out of his way to do it for me. For example, in the first month we met, he noticed my backpack and headphones were completely broken, so he bought me a new ones without me saying absolutely anything to him. When I drove him places, he saw that it was difficult for me to look at my phone to follow GPS directions, so he randomly bought me a car phone holder. On my birthday, he made me a card out of the acknowledgement page of the first book we read together, crossed out the authors name, and put my name, and wrote a bunch of sweet, adorable things about me. Because of my adhd, I would constantly forget to chargemy phone/laptop or bring my chargers, and would constantly have no charge on both, so he bought me a pack with 10 of each type of charger, as well as a portable charger. I offhandedly mentioned that I get really carsick, so he bought me dramamine and those carsickness goggles. He bought pads to keep with him just in case I need some, and always carries pepto and advil around because i get headaches a lot and have lots of stomachaches. He helped me move into my dorm, and bought me so many food and supplies even when I insisted that he didn’t. Whenever we go out with my friends, he always covers everything. For my friend’s birthday, everyone was going to chip in to buy her airpods, but he told them he’d cover their part and essentially just bought them for her. He is an insanely hard worker, and I am so proud of him for everything that he’s been through, and he is also just the most fun person to be around. I love him so so much, and I know that a lot of the way he’s acted is because of his depression, and I know that that’s not really him. I visited him yesterday and we had a really good time, but the entire time I kept being really careful with what I said because I was scared of him becoming upset. I’m scared that this anxiety I feel around him will last forever. I want to wait until he has everything under control, but if he becomes the same way that he was before again, I don’t know how much of it I can take. I don’t know what to do or where to go from here- can anyone help me?

In kindergarten (sorry I'm from singapore so we follow British but if im not wrong its like 5-6 years old) I already accepted Christ into my life. But my mom is a "I hate Christians!!" kind of person so I didnt dare to tell her anything. I didn't really have a good relationship with my mom cos to her studies are everything and she made me (until now) think that I'm never good enough. And I was only in primary school thinking my mom doesn't like me. I'm worthless, I want to kms. I made plans to grab the knife from the kitchen, jump off and things like that. Eventually I resulted to scratching my own skin cos I feel most pain when it's right at the nerve uk.
My whole life was until the end of primary school (12) was only to do things to make my mom happy. I wouldn't mention a word about Christianity to her. And when my mom was out at night, me, my dad and my sisters would worship. The moment the door opens, I scramble into the room. This also make me walk far from God and I would curse, swear and stuff. One day in P6, the last year of primary school (12 years old) I thought "Hey, I'm Christian so why am I swearing? Isn't this a sin?" So I stopped cursing. Of course, my mom wouldn't want me going around cursing but I didn't really do it for her, but rather for God. But I still didn't want to tell her about it.
When I graduated from Primary school, in Secondary (Sec) school, I finally got to bring my phone to school (13 years old), but my mom still could track me. Anyways I got to listen to some worship songs my dad sent to me and because I didn't have a music player downloaded and wasn't allowed to download any apps, I would listen through the WhatsApp audio player thing😭😭 on the way home. Usually on Sundays whene my mom isn't home,my dad would bring me to church. Then of course my mom would find out and scold me and this continued until sec 2 (14).
In Sec 3 (15 years old), I had whole control of my phone so I would listen to worship music on the way home. One day in, my dad brought me to church. My mom saw my location and immediately got mad because she knew where my dad's church is and also because my older sister attends service too and my mom was not happy. Since then, I was afraid to go to church. My mom even cornered me one day and made me promise not to go to church or I can forget calling her my mom. I kept crying that night and never dared to go to church (mind that i dont even cry often).
But towards mid year(?) I just decided ok Imma go to church. She can get angry but it won't really stop me. Because I got to know God through worship songs and now I wanted to know him more.
I regularly started praying in the morning on the way to school. Eventually my prayers became a ritual and dry. I felt no emotion and no pull towards God. Only on days when I was really upset/angry then I would feel Him comforting me. One day I really wanted to be the captain in my CCA (it's like after school activities but still part of school programs) and I didn't get it. I was so upset I cried on the way home because I actually put in so much effort into it. Then I became vice captain so ig that counts.
Anyways I became really upset and got frustrated because I didn't prove myself enough. I had so low expectations of myself, got depressed again, but I couldn't vent it out because I couldn't hurt myself anymore after learning my body is a temple of God. So I got super frustrated. I prayed for guidance decided to free up my Saturdays I went to church. Youth services for Secondary school students were on Saturdays and not Sundays so yeah. Towards like October last year I cleared up my Saturdays so I could go more regularly to church, and my mom was defo not happy AT ALL that I went with my own initiative. She ignored me for several weeks and of course I felt lonely and all buy eventually I felt okay because she doesn't even know me sooooo.
I'm still trying to patch up my relationship with her. Honestly, it's so strained I don't know what to do. I've prayed that she would accept Christ everyday but uhh nothing. This doesn't mean I don't believe in God if not this would not exist
One day I was fellowshipping with my dad. Why we did that is because of a long story that would be saved for another day.
But this is the part where it's important
Previously I had dreams and I shared with my dad because he is more experience in deciphering gifts and stuff (I'm sorry if you don't believe in gifts but I do!) And he told me to pray about it because I somehow knew these dreams had meaning and relation to God. A number of dreams had direct inference to God. I did pray about it, and also asked God along these lines; "God, give me guidance. I have strayed and I know. Lord please let me understand, and let me also be close to You. I want to know You, and I know, I haven't read the word. Lord, motivate me to read the scripture, and while reading let me also understand the dreams I have been having my whole life."
I can't remember what I said exactly. The one 9f the church sermons on one week talked about how God is not far, but we are far. And I felt that that was for me. Then one day my dad said to me and my older sister "I don't care you have to download the Bible rn" so I downloaded it but did nothing with it. Finally, one day I was late for work (yes I worked when I was 15 because I actually want an electric guitar) and it was New Year's Eve. My colleague texted me saying she'd pick me up and I said and quote "Isokkk I walk over" (me) ... "Give me your block" (colleague) "Omd tyyy" (me)
Part of me didn't want her to fetch me because it would be troubling her. But I don't know why I waited and was thinking "bruh I could've reached by now but she's late" but I just waited. I was wearing full white that day. And this woman must've thought I was going to church because it was a Sunday morning.
And she asked "Hello, are you going to church?"
I said "oh no no, I have church at night because it's countdown service. (basically the youth services brought our church service from Saturday 4pm to Sunday 8pm because we wanted to countdown service together)"
She said," Oh! So you're Christian! Do you read the Word often?"
I blushed because so many signs and I haven't read a single word. "No," I was so embarrassed
She continued "I used to be a teacher, a lecturer in a University (if im not wrong) There is a website called 7 minutes with God. It was originally created for Harvard students because they were busy and didn't have time to spend time with God." Then I couldn't hear what she said because she was talking so fast. All I knew was she was summarizing the website and encouraged me to read it.
I read it like on January 2nd this year on the way to school ( I'm 16 this year!!! But not 16 yet because as I said, it's not my birthday yet or anytime soon)
I was so inspired that I kept on reading the Word and devoted mornings to not only prayers (that I allowed God to guide me and not just pray for the sake of praying) but also for reading the Word!
See, when I prayed to have motivation to read the Word more, God gave me the sign THREE TIMES which I did not pick up until the 3rd sign, the lady. The first time during the sermon I was like "Yes God, I will do it!" but did nothing. The second time when my dad asked me to download the app version of the Bible, I said "Yes God, this is the sign!" and did not do anything. I got discouraged because my dad thinks I'm funny and wouldn't take my words seriously omd 😭. But the third time, God literally sent a random woman I don't know and told me to read. And I read, praise God!
this is the part where it relates to the meme
Because when I went to the shower I kept laughing because I thought of this meme. I didn't read the word or get touched because it was a coincidence. So coincidence? I think not! It's a miracle ❤️❤️❤️
I finished Mark and the New Testament, I'm currently at John right now.
Just now, after a meeting with my cell group (a small group for easier prayers etc in church), I was listening to worship music, and my grumpy dad was like "GO AND SHOWER" liek chill brou. So I went to the toilet with my headphones on and sat on the floor and just continued listening to worship music. Then my dad sent in the family group chat (just me, my older sister and him, my mom got mad and left) an article about this man called Patrick Lee/Bezalel. He is a local artist faithful in Christ
But reading halfway I kept crying because I was so touched (again I do no lt cry, but I related so much I cried even though nothing had to do with me, but it was like my mother's story where she had a hard of stone towards God) and then my phone went flat 😐 So I risked it and ran out to get my charger but thank God (like actually) my dad didn't scream like he would. Then I sat at the toilet floor and continued reading. Tears kept flowing down my face because Patrick Bezalel's story was such a miracle, and God kept giving him signs that God existed! And removed the layer of stone that surrounded the man's heart and made it soft and open to God again!
After that I continued worshipping God and was listening to worship music (yes in the toilet because I literally have 0 privacy because none of my parents think I need it). I kept crying because the songs were so related. Can you imagine? It went in this order:
1.Presence,Power,Glory 2.Hosanna 3.Promises 4.Holy Forever
Again, coincidence? I THINK NOT. It was so planned, like it was in my playlist for so long and I haven't really thought much about it. Tears kept streaming down and kept going and through sobs I silently prayed to God
"Oh my dear God you have been so so good to me, and so faithful to me Lord. You have guided me, guided my heart and nothing has gone wrong in Your hands Lord. I've been through the turning point I've prayed for. You have sent people, songs and my family members to come after me to open up to You Lord. Lord, I was having a CG (cell group) meeting and something just touched my heart. I am now sitting on the toilet floor and typing this, because Lord you have made a way to touch my heart, guide me through a prayer that came deep down from inside of me Lord, thank You for providing. Thank You God for the miracles You have did in my life, and all that I prayed for has came through Lord. The turning point I prayed for was when that lady had spoken to me about how to set aside time for You and the Word. Lord let me not forget this incident, this turning point, this miracle Lord. Let me put my trust in You Lord, and let You take my hand and let my life be walking next to You faithfully Lord. Lord I pray that I would not waver, and I would not take my eyes away from You. Even when I am crossing and walking toward You on water in the sea, let my eyes be on You, and the works You have done for me, and not be distracted by the worls around me, but to keep my eyes on You diligently Lord. Lord, I am a sinner, and now, I was, for You have sent Jesus Christ, Your Son, to die on the cross for me. Lord, I believe in You and I want to accept You in my life Lord, no matter what situation I am in. Lord, let people around me see Your love, joy, and faithfulness in me, and not let them see the girl I was before. Let them see change, and the love and desire I have for You, Lord. Let them see Your greatness, Your goodness and You. I thank You for everything You have done, and in Jesus's name, I pray that I will walk faithfully alongside You, and will not fail to continuously pray and worship You God. Thank You Lord for the miracles, for this turning point. Thank You God for guiding me, and let me be the branch that bears fruit, and let me be the branch that has life only through Jesus, Who is the vine, Who the reason I live Lord, Who is the reason I have life. Praise the Lord! Amen!"
This is the first time I prayed for so long and every one word was truly from deep down fron the depths of my heart. I couldn't stop crying. I really couldn't and I can't emphasize more that I don't cry often! Either it hurt me so much or that God moved my heart. This time was tears of joy.
I hope this could inspire someone out there, because in another prayer I prayed for those who needed God, even if I didn't know them.
Pray. Pray and ask God to help you seek Him. One thing I learnt from a sermon is the fervency in your prayers. I didn't mean to add this in but I suddenly saw this note I wrote on 25th February.
Title: fervency in prayer Fervency: being excited about something keen on something
At the heart of revival is the spirit of prayer • pray fervently • pray with faith
"But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed"
To be fervent in prayer is to pray tenaciously despite our struggles
Hopefully this helped someone out there, inspired you and is one of your signs to start giving your life to Him! It is actually proven 1 in 3 people are Christians. Isn't our goal to have this faith to reach all four corners of the world? It could sound impossible in the past, but now there is social media, anyone could read and realize "Hey God is actually with me!"

*CONTAINS SWEARING*
This is gonna be a hefty and most likely triggering post for specific groups of people out there (meaning people who struggle with anger, people who don't want poltical content/opinions etc), so please stop reading and leave if you figure this is gonna be rough for you. This will (mainly) be about the conflict between Palestine and Israel. (and apparently a long one) No hate towards any specific groups of people, but I do have a lot of *frustration regarding behaviours*.
Before I start, I want you to remember some facts about me as you read;
I am autistic
I am heavily influenced by world peace, hate, racism and other unfair situations
I have incredibly high standards for myself that I strive to not break, including, but not limited to, being kind and respectful *always*, despite being in a bad mood, not liking someone, or disagreeing, especially political disagreements
I have always, and will always, stand against widespread hate, racism and other discrimination towards any specific religions, ethnicities, nationalities, cultures, etc.
I also want you to know that I named this throwaway accordingly.
So let's get this shitshow started then, shall we.
As the details of the conflict stands, it is beyond obvious to me that this is racism and, literally, a Holocaust. Not *the* Holocaust, but *a* Holocaust. Oxford Languages has the term defined as a destruction or slaughter on a mass scale, especially caused by fire or nuclear war . I'd say that's very much accurate. Proof to come.
Regardless, this situation has had me very pressed the last almost 8 months, as I know most other people have been too. Without getting too much into the conflict itself, I want to talk a little about what I've seen from the Jewish community.
This is where I advise anyone who struggles with anger especially to leave and try to keep your day positive. If you have a magical potion to stay stable after this, who am I to stop you...
Alright, onto the dreaded part. And yes, I am stalling.
I have never, and I truly mean *never* had any hateful thoughts or opinions about religions (other than Christianity but that's one for another time), and as we are all aware of, The Holocaust had massive effect on the world some 80 years ago. I have always seen Jews as victims due to this, but in recent times I've realised that a lot of them, too, see themselves as victims. The issue is that they aren't the victims right now. They (Israel) aren't defending themselves, they have nothing to defend themselves against. Israel is currently doing the exact same thing as Germany did to them, to Palestine. Sure, maybe at some point who knows when, Palestine *was* the land of Jews, but since then, multiple religions have been thriving together on that land, including Jews. They were never excluded. From what I've understood, there weren't any wars or conflicts going on within the country that didn't happen elsewhere. The issue began when in the late 1940's zionists brutally murdered families to steal their homes. I'm sure the situation was so much more complex than that, but in a nutshell that is basically it. The fact that everyone today have been so desensitized from the travesties happening around the world is depressing and hope-killing. I truly am well on the way to giving up, and at this point in time I'm so angry all the time due to the Middle East's situation.
So a few weeks ago, probably closing in on months at this point, I randomly got a notification from reddit about someone posting on /Jewish. They didn't say anything explicit, so I pressed the notification and I was met with the worst victimization and ignorance I've ever seen. I truly believed most jews would see this for what it is, and not let some racist maniac spoon-feed them propaganda and hate, but I was brutally and humbly proven wrong. They were mocking proPAL parades, hating on news anchors and civilians alike calling this a genocide, insisting that Israel has no other choice, saying "casualties happens in war", convincing each other that zionism is a good thing, and feeling sorry for themselves when friends and families cut contact because they said they supported Israel and saw this as the only solution. Some might have been genuine problems, idk, but for the most part, that subreddit seems to only be about hating the rest of the world because their great grandparents were killed. I know I sound like a complete asshole, but the world isn't antisemetic anymore - they are actively looking for it and then using that one person telling them to stop feeling so sorry for themselves as proof that everybody in the world wants to throw them back in gas chambers.
I commented on my personal once where I mentioned that judaism and zionism are two separate things and got downvoted to oblivion. Someone replied saying that my comment was very much exactly what they too feel, but I got downvoted *simply because* I referred to them as separate entities. That is another criticism they've recieved lately; the pure idea of zionism is on the complete opposite side from what Judaism stands for. I've seen so many of the members there calling Jews protesting against Israel "self-hating" and traitors.
I've also made so many replies that I never sent because I know for a fact they would do anything in their power to ban me from ever using reddit again, and I wouldn't be surprised if I got doxxed and harrassed IRL from it. I saved them all, though. I found that it was kind of therapeutic to get it out, but it still bugs me that I never found a way to say it to them. I once also made a post about my rage for their behaviour connected to this genocide, but I thankfully stopped myself before I posted it. I'm so enraged by their sheer ignorance and hypocritical behaviour, all the while Gaza is still being eradicated and slaughtered, war crimes happening day in-day out, inhumane atrocities by the IOF being posted and hailed, and they have the audacity to say that they are the victims? That Israel has no other choice but martyring tens of thousands of CHILDREN? Starving the entire Gaza Strip, segregating West Bank, literally teaching their young in school to hate and attack arabs? That last one might not be true as I don't speak Hebrew or Arabic, so anyone could've just made up the translation, but I still feel it's worth mentioning in case it actually *is* real.
My point is that the guts they have to claim to be so moral, yet still be so unfaced from what's happening in Gaza is beside me. Sure, for those living near the Gaza wall, I'm positive that hearing bombs and screams were traumatizing as fuck, but to then leave for work the next day and claim that "shit happens"? It's insane! It's inhumane. They can leave whenever they like, children can play football (soccer) in the streets and not having to worry about shit, hotels and restaurants with 5-star ratings thriving, plants and flowers still blooming, absolutely no threats on a daily basis. The fact that people are still calling this a war, something necessary, is beyond devastating to me. There are millions still siding with zionism, claiming there's nothing wrong with the belief that you have an innate right to some dirt simply because your holy book says that thousands of years ago, your religion lived there, and simply because of that religious fact you are rightfully owed thousands of young lives, the death of an entire country with its own culture, just to feed the irrational religious political system? How in God's name has that ever, *IS* that still okay? If Muslims were the ones saying that shit, they would've been completely destroyed by now, today's generation wouldn't know what the fuck Islam was. They are still being slaughtered though, because they're saying it's *not* okay. How is that not racist again?
My brother and I got into a heated argument a few days ago about this. I am very much *for* Palestine to have human rights and to own their own land - he is very much *against* "ugly blackies" having any rights because they're *not* human. Boi when I tell you I got so angry I started crying. And the worst part about that fight? He claims that Jews aren't any better, however they still deserve to defend themselves against children running on the beach. "But Hamas-" is so over-used and outdated by now, it just proves that he doesn't follow up on statistics and evidence. Even if there only were one-sided news (from Gaza), the fact that the ICJ ruled Israel's actions a genocide and war crimes still proves everything he claims to be "n*****'s propaganda". And the fact that he so underminds my autism and *need* for factual evidence before discussing it also goes to show that he genuinely does not care about anything other than the black "terrorists" being eradicated. I said "So you're not just a racist, you're just plain racist?" he just scoffed and looked at me as if I just said the most nonsensical bullshit gibberish ever, practically saying "I'm not gonna say anything, but it really took you that long to realise?" Either that, or he actually didn't comprehend the words coming out of my mouth, like it was a foreign language or something. Because he genuinely does not have a single reason to be racist.
He can't even blame suicide attacks because 1) not all are carried by muslims, and 2) between 1981-2015 around 45,000 were killed by suicide attacks worldwide, where in 2019 the total death toll was only 1,699 more than amount of attacks; whereas in Gaza, between Oct 7 to present there are about 34,000 confirmed palestinian deaths, and assumed around 42,000 with unconfirmed deaths. If, in 36 years, "muslim terrorism" killed about the same amount as Israel has in almost 8 months, how on earth are Arabs the terrorists?
And I've also seen the argument that 30,000 is nothing compared to the total population in Gaza, as if that makes it okay. I will, again, make example of The Holocaust. When 30,000 Jews were martyred, people were already catching on, and this was without the technology we have today.
How have we been allowing this to happen to Palestinians *with* our technology today? Why haven't people been doing more; striking our jobs, cummute chauffeurs striking, proper permanent boycotts, more coverage from news anchors and private people alike? Even if it is to officially reclaim your love for white supremacy, you're still talking about it. Why are people still not reading up on this? Why does millions still not know that this *didn't* begin on October 7th? And why are there still those who claim that the past doesn't matter today? I have so many questions, and if I do get an answer I will only end up with more questions. How hasn't the world stopped over this? Why are people so okay knowing that there are children being intentionally murdered every single day? How can you go to work and talk about Dave's new tie? Or your 6 year old's birthday party with 15 other 6 year olds? Hasn't it crossed your mind that if the roles were reversed, your precious princess would be the one burried under tons of rubble, dying slowly while simontaniously starving, dehydrating, suffocating and crushing, and *knowing* that absolutely no one cares because you're [skin color] and it's normal for your kids to be horrendously massacred? "Oh but the Taliban-ISIS-Al Qaeda" OKAY so what are you gonna do to help save innocent lives and suffering??? How are you gonna contribute to STOP these organizations that have manipulated and murdered to rule their country and are intentionally making the citicens miserable? Are you even aware that your own govurnment is essentially the same fucking thing, just disguised as a well dressed, polite gentleman? Aren't you sick of all those ads on TV showing brown children with flies in their eyes? Or your mama telling you to think about the starving children in Africa? Because I am.
I am so sick and tired of how inhumane humans have come to be. You don't see animals (and I'm trying my best to not mention how humans *are* animals, guess I failed) intentionally kill another animal simply because they're that animal. They kill prey; polar bears kill seals, seals kill penguins, penguins kill fish, fish kill amoebas, and you can get to that result from absolutely everything. What you don't find as a natural event is a golden, brown mane lion attack and kill an albino lion simply because it's albino. You don't see a school of fish swim away from one with two heads, because "*omg Jared is such a freak with his two heads*." So why the FUCK DID WE START DOING THAT? Where did this hunger for power come from? You *will* see a female lion tell the king that enough is enough, and he *will* accept that. I could go on and on for DAYS if I got the chance, but I don't wanna get too off topic here.
I've started a list of all the universally illegal shit Israel has done, and once I'm satisfied with it, I'll make one comparing Israel to Palestine, and then Arabs/Muslims as a whole. I can guarantee that I will still hear "on-sided sources" still, or "You can't trust Wikipedia!" Have you ever tried to edit or create an article on Wikipedia? I have, and I had to confirm that I had a degree or a current valid work ID to prove that I was elgible to speak on the topic. I tried to make a site for myself... Sure, there are more trustworthy sites, but even in a discussion about wether or not being trans is a mental illness, where I quoted and linked all of the most well known official sources like WHO, I was still slapped with "but this shady ass article from a random Deutch website that explicitly says everything I've said, yet still isn't actually saying the same thing because I misquoted and mixed the words to form my own sentence says that it is" when they literally linked a website called "disabled world". I will say though, I agree with that name. Today's world is so non-funtional for neurotypical, hetero, white MEN, it's no fucking wonder everyone else are classified as disabled or whatever. Also, on that disabled topic, if you've made it this far, please don't say "differently abled". A quote unquote quote (heh geddit? cuz it's rephrased and I don't have the book near me rn to directly quote) from Devon Price's "Unmasking Autism" that I really like: "You wouldn't say "a person with Asianness", you'd say "an Asian person"." We are disabled because today's world isn't made for us, and for the most part isn't even accomodated or accessible to us. We are different, yeah, but literally everyone is. We just got that term because we can't do the same things as you (assuming you're neurotypical) without aid. We are able, just not like you. Of course, if an autistic person tells you they prefer "person with autism", listen to them! But most of us embrace it as a part of us because we can't just get rid of it. Autism is what make me me, I wouldn't be me without my autism, so I *am* autistic, for better or for worse. :)
I find it kinda ironic that I started this as a venting about a lot of Jews' hypocritical behaviour, and now ending up on autism. Yaknow, cuz Dr. Asperger during WW2 experimented and tortured autistic people, and found out that some where more alike him than others, which then coined the term Aspergers for the Autistic Community.
Anywho, I feel better now, so thanks for letting me vent a little (a lot). I want to finish off by restating my intro; I have not, and will not tolerate any hate, racism or discrimination towards any religion, ethnicity, nationality, culture etc. This post is not intended as a rant about how aweful jews are, because they're not. I just wanted to air some frustration over their behaviour regarding I/P genocide. This is also not about *all* Jews, but that's the same discussion as "not all men" so I'll leave it at that.
I will delete this account in a week, so if you have any questions, be fast ig. If you find I've mis-phrased, used irrationally insensitive wording or any other complaints that calls for a repost, I will fix it and post an updated version. My DMs will also be available if that should be of interest, but I will not be responding to hate or personal attacks for my opinions. If the issue is my wording, again, tell me and I'll fix it.
At this point I've written so much that I don't remember if I found anything myself that I figured was worth fixing, and I've proof read it so many times that my eyes are crossing and giving me a headache lol
Gosh I'm scared of posting this. I don't want anyone to read this and think I support what A. H. did in 1940 cuz I cannot begin to describe my hatred for that man