Birthday sms for boss

didn’t know what flare to put this under, because there isn’t an advice one. I’ve been working at this dishwashing job at a retirement home for the past month or so. You have to do a lot of paperwork and testing to work with old people even though I’m just going to be in the back. for about a week they were only training me to be a server, and I knew a little bit of my job would be serving, but it was advertised as a dishwashing job. When I asked when I was going to be trained for dishwashing, my supervisor seemed surprised and asked if I was 18, which I am. then finally started training me. there’s been a lot of tiny little things that my boss has done that have really confused me. a couple times in a row now she’s shown up and told me I am doing serving or dishwashing when I was scheduled to do the opposite. fast-forward to now, my sister said that she has a birthday party in two weeks and she really wanted me to come, I text around some of my coworkers and asked if they could cover, one of them could cover half of my shift in the early morning. I was texting my boss about this, and sent her this message: “I think i’m going to need saturday off since it’s still two weeks away, I feel like that’s a reasonable amount of time to let you know. (coworker) says she’s okay with coming in earlier, so you’d only have to find coverage for 3-7pm.” she seemed like it was fine until I came in today. She came up to me and said that I need to fill out a time off sheet and put it on her desk, which I did and then asked me if I read the handbook. There was roughly 9 hours of training online learning about Dementia and HIPAA violations, etc. etc. I was thinking about it, when she interrupted and said you signed it so you should have. Looking back, she was talking about a big pamphlet called the Work handbook and I glossed through it (it seemed like review), but when I was handed it, someone was waiting for me to sign it so i didn’t read the whole thing. apparently in the handbook it says that you need 60 days in advance to even ask for one day off. I’ve worked many jobs before and none of them have been strict – I honestly thought it was reasonable to ask two weeks ahead. she said that the text that I sent was actually very rude. I apologized quickly and then started doing my job. I’m autistic so sometimes I say things that people perceive as rude that I really don’t mean to be. I’m really here asking about the 60 days ahead thing because I have a grad party in late June and a concert that I’m going to that I just submitted a form for too. this seems like such a ridiculous policy for just a part-time dishwashing job at a retirement home. I suppose this is the AITA for the job subreddit, but i’d love some advice. PS I’ve also been jobhunting, because this really isn’t the environment that I expected it to be – so hopefully I won’t be in this job very longer.

Life has become too much. I've struggled with depression of the better part of my 25 years, and only within the last year got on antidepressants. But now, after having been on them for months, I'm starting to get thoughts of self harm again. If I don't take my meds, I spiral out of control.
In large, I believe it has to do with financial hardships. We were doing so, so good. We had over $6k saved up. Then the car broke down (it still needs repairs toalling over $3k). Then we needed more and more. The ex-roommates fucked us over. The baby needed this or that. Birthdays and holidays happened...
We are living paycheck to paycheck while I work 30-40hrs a week. I have to BEG my boss for more hours. Getting a minimum of 30 was a fight. I'm listed as full time and getting more than 32 hours is a shock.
I'm stuck in a town I hate, in a house I hate, with no one around to support me. All my friends are 12 hours away and family at least twice as far, all in different time zones. I feel so isolated. We were supposed to move, 3 years in a row, and every year we got fucked again last minute.
My fiance doesn't work, he's a SAHP to our 8mo son. He watches me sob about money and has not once offered to start working again without attaching some kind of guilt to it. Saying he'll go back to the company that treated him like garbage with a "I'll hate my life and I'll just be miserable again" tone of voice. He's dead set on joining the navy SEALs, he thinks it'll solve all of our problems, but it won't. He fails to realize that my only options once he's gone will be living in this trap of a house, with his parents (worse), or with mine (also worse).
I'm at the end of my rope. Every day I find myself fantasizing about ending it. About hurting myself. I'm over a year clean of SH, but I just... I want to do some very, very scary things.
We've been engaged for 5 years, and probably won't ever get married, because he wants a giant wedding with all his extended family invited... And we have maybe $100 in savings, as I found out today. I'm always overdrawn in my bank account, and I can't find better work.
I'm supposed to be starting college in July, and I have nothing ready. I got the Pell grant, but my classes are $23k a semester and I don't know where to start on student loans. I don't even have a laptop to go to school with. It's online bc I can't go to physical college bc I work so much.
Today I had to worst breakdown I've ever had. I couldn't calm down. I set the screeching baby in his crib so he would be safe in his room and closed the door, and then I just lost control. I was throwing things, banging my hands on the walls and cabinets, holding back screams, sobbing... I locked myself in the bathroom and took on the fetal position in the tub. I curled up there for what felt like 45mins just... hyperventilating and sobbing. I was shaking, I felt dizzy and nauseous, I couldn't get a grip.
Eventually, I picked myself up, took my meds, and went to hold my son. I apologized to him for leaving him alone, but as I always say after one of my episodes "I don't want you to see me like that." He doesn't remember now, but one day, he will.
I go to the gym for my health, because when I was pregnant I weighed over 300lbs. I'm down to 265, but that's still too much. I can't get insurance no matter what I do. I lost Medicaid when I started working because I make too much to qualify. (I make less than $20k annual) I can't get any other insurance because it's too expensive.
I'm always exhausted, always annoyed, angry, depressed, hopeless... i fainted at work 2 days ago due to exhaustion, but I refused to go home because if I don't get the hours, we can't pay the bills.
I'm stuck. I'm literally stuck. I'm just ready to take out a life insurance policy and just... go. So that my boys will be taken care of and they don't have to worry about me anymore. So that I can be at peace. Once and for all...

I work at a non-descript midgrade hotel where people sleep when they have the misfortune of being in my area—usually for work, or because they have been driving so long towards somewhere better and my little slice of wasteland is where they run out of give a fuck. One such traveler a few weekends back was a delightful elderly gentleman. His driver’s license told me that he had been on the road for at least eight hours, and would be hitting his 80-somethingth birthday later this year.
As can be the case with the elderly, it took a little longer with him. Sitting in the lobby were two men trying their hardest to click just the right spot on our shitty wi-fi and conduct whatever failing business led them with no better option than to stay with us. I didn’t pay a lot of attention to them because you rarely do when people are behaving.
As I was printing out Nice Old Guy’s (N.O.G. from here on out) and handing him a pen, every ounce of peace I had in life was cracked wide open with a loud, shrill, “AHG SCUZE MAE! CAHN AH GAT SAHM TOYLAT PAYPAH!”
I did not avert my eyes from his face, and that is why I saw the heartbreaking look in his eyes. Someone was bitching about him being slow again. Or not being able to hear. Or forgetting something. Or being clumsy.
“Just one moment, I am with a guest,” I answered in the iciest and politest “fuck you, thanks for being a customer” tone I could manage. Then smiled at him and said, “Thank you for your patience.”
The audacity. To think that you could put a very simple, but very tactful “please don’t be an asshole, thank you” and have it graciously accepted. I *could have* and really *should have* just told this literal barefoot hilljack frizzy haired toad standing at my desk, disrespecting an elderly person, fucking up people’s delusional business ideas and making my recovery from pneumonia that much less excellent to ribbit ribbit her ass back across the parking lot.
Instead, I handed N.O.G. his registration card and a pen and turned to get Kermit’s inbred cousin her TP. At this point, she *could have* and really *should have* just shut the fuck up, taken the toilet paper and hopped back up to her room. Nope. Toadalina had to keep talking shit.
“You don’t have to be rude!”
“I’m not being rude.”
“Yes you are!”
At this point, she is right next to N.O.G. and that is not ok. He has had a long journey, both in life and on the road, and Princess Toadstool has fucked up enough of both as far as I was concerned. I love my job, I really do. I love all of my co-workers to pieces and would fight a Ninja for any fucking one of them. But I was NOT going to cultivate a Future Karen of America with the fertilizer of entitlement.
“What room are you in?”
“Why?” she screeched.
“Because you’re leaving.”
“You can’t make me leave!”
“Actually, I can. You are being a disturbance to guests who are minding their own business and behaving. Gather your belongings and leave. If you don’t, I am calling the police.”
“You can’t do that!” She then turned to N.O.G. and said, “Can you believe this shit?”
N.O.G. just continued to peacefully and quietly fill out his reg card, as I dialed 9-1-1. Toady hopped back up to her room, N.O.G. smiled and handed me my card. Before, he could finish signing it, the police were rolling into the parking lot. And was still there when they came in. He had a blast watching her cuss me out again, and the cops tell her that if she didn’t go, they’d take her to jail.
N.O.G. smiled, thanked me, went to his room and enjoyed his quiet evening. For the next week, Toad and her family continued to call and e-mail, cussing out whoever answered and demanding free shit from my boss. He laughed at her and told her to forget it.
I hope that girl learned a lesson about being an asshole.

You ma'am were my everything, from the moment I first saw you walking to my tow truck. I was in aww of you in that moment I was so hooked I can't explain it in any other way. I just needed to get to know the real you. Looking back I wish I could have slowed everything down a lot because we moved so fast. Opened the door for you and got you up into the truck. At first she was impressed I even would do that for her. She said it made her feel special and no one had ever done that for her. As I walked back to my door to get in time for me started to slow as I thought about a million things at once I was so drawn to her wanted everything for her and me to be amazing and guys, it really was great from my seat. She's absolutely gorgeous, sweet yet she's a pretty bad ass chick though. She's into heavy metal and rock over anything. She's my only ginger I've ever dated in my life. She's so beautiful, selfless when she knows u need something she is the first one to get it for you and she's an amazing cook, So incredibly sexy, and no matter what she broken and all was the only woman that I ever bought a real ring for wherever would and that red hair gets me now every time I find one around in my truck or my house. She loves to play with it as her nervous habit I used to say she was marking her territory jokingly but I loved watching her do it I love watching her play with it It was awesome to just be able to look over at her and see her sitting there was the greatest feeling in my life next to having my children and watching them be born. Seeing her smile was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen in my life That's what I lived for I lived for being silly with her and joking around and just having a good fucking time and spending that time with her no matter how much it was. I loved it always. Even when we fought I didn't ever stop loving her I did never stop caring about her obviously I was in it for us. Call me a wuss whatever you want I don't care I honestly have a thing with other people's hair it grosses me out when it is off the body so I'd have these piles of hair is have to immediately get out of the floor of my work truck when id open it for her to get her out of the truck lol it grossed me out but I didn't really care it was more funny that she was nervous cus we were so chill together. I quickly fell for this girl front the start and she was exactly what I said in the title. She's always going to be my blue little sundress passenger seat princess, the only women I've ever actually seen, planned, or dreamed of a future with and I've had longer relationship with kids even. But she has two sweet little girls that are amazing as well and I have become attatched to them as well throughout this 3 years. Especially because when her and I first met and went on our date I knew already that she was a mom of two but I hadn't met either one of them yet. Days after she was still with me and we spent every waking moment together in that truck. And we had a great time It just felt right. After that weekend was over we went to pick up her 3-month-old daughter. We had to go to the next town over and get her from her dad's house. As I got this little girl up into my truck put her car seat in the back of the tow truck I did what any normal person would do when meeting a baby for the first time. Started talking to her just to see her reaction to me. She was so sweet and so damn cute. She smiled so beautifully and was just so amazing it brought back all the memories for me having my kids. And that one really just cemented in the fact that I wanted to do this so much for my girl and I and for these kids cuz they were amazing. I spent my days just working away. Most the time with her by my side. There was times where yes we were not together 100% there's things she had to go do. Which was fine That's what we needed some time apart to miss each other cuz we did spend a lot of time together but honestly As long as we were there in my truck we were amazing together just hanging out while I was working spending time together and she said she loved watching me work. She loved how manly I smelled after and during a days work. Everything was great. So before her and I met I was always working and keeping to myself just trying to focus on myself but I lived in a hotel. So since her and I got hooked up together, we lived in my hotel which was not bad at all it was a fairly big hotel that offered reduced rates for long extended stays and they offered me a corporate discount. So it was fairly inexpensive as far as paying for the place but it was still extremely expensive compared to renting someplace. But it was by my own money because she had no income no job that I paid for everything. Literally everything. So as I worked 7 days a week and worked from time outta bed in the morning until well after midnight. I had no time to find our own place for cheaper living to start new direction for us. So she started searching for our own place to rent. Let's say we got distracted from that because of this damn drama that seemed to always be happening with her life. I'd always listen to what was going on with her and try to help. It's what I do in my everyday life I jump out of a truck when people are at their worst and it makes me feel a sense of joy because I get to get out of the damn truck like Superman get over to them and calm their life down a little bit slow it down for them when they're in their worst moments of the day and just take that weight off their shoulders. I get that fulfillment for my life that joy and it drives me to keep going That's the only reason I push through my days. I lived for it, soon after meeting her she became a big part of that meaning for me so much so I never even realized that it would end up costing me my career because I just couldn't do it anymore getting in that truck And as I open the door I see her there in the passenger seat with a flooded memory that comes rushing in and I get happy really quick like it's all real again and as soon as I sit down take my guys off that seat I look back over when it close the door cuz I'd always smile back at her when I got in the truck and she's not there and it breaks my heart every single time I experienced this so imagine getting in and out of that truck every day all day long and having to do that. I've been such an emotional wreck now that I literally had to go to my boss and quit my job because I couldn't safely do it and this was the job ladies and gentlemen that I prayed for at the end of our relationship I wasn't working hadn't been working for a few months because I just found out that I got cancer in my throat. So I got depressed I didn't know how to tell her my mom anybody being only 37 years old that I'm not going to be here that long Not as long as I thought so it started to destroy me and by this time in our relationship two and a half years in we had had several moves several little breakups but we'd always come back together and we always seemed great afterwards but then it always seemed like something would come up or she would lie or do something that I didn't like or that I wasn't approving of and every time I tried to talk to her about it she would just blow up at me and yeah there was lots of red flags I missed her out of a relationship I wish I could have done so many things different but stress and being what it is and everything you know I let my emotions get the best of me I let my my everything get the best of me every single time because as soon as she starts yelling it makes me louder and I just don't see anybody giving me that kind of a disrespectful stance especially when I'm trying to be calm I'm trying to just talk to them about it and then they blow up and makes me want to blow up right back So yeah my mistake but are honestly feel like it was just to cause me to do that so she could break up or we can break up and she can run away for a couple days and go get what she needed somewhere else and then come right back. That's what I feel like now. Don't know if it was all lie from delusional or what but everything I've read on here it all speaks to me so much that I honestly I really feel like I was lied to the entire time I was made to believe something that was never true This girl told me she loved me like 3 months in and I honestly felt it before that but I really think it was all just a facade now for her We found each other and we were broken pieces everywhere we started putting our lives together picking everything up putting ourselves back together and we felt more complete than anything is the way I saw our lives up until a year and a half into it though it was for me even with the little small breakups and stuff it was amazing It wouldn't trade it for the world soon as I found out I had cancer though guys It broke me I wasn't working I wasn't doing anything for myself and yeah that I regret I regret not just telling her right away because looking back now it may have helped but I doubt she would even cared She probably would have broke up with me then is how I feel now. But I never told her until almost 3 weeks after we broke up. The 17th of this month was my birthday my 38th birthday The day after is her 3-year-olds 3-year birthday. Which I didn't get to go to even though that little girl calls me dada loves me like there's no tomorrow and I love that little girl so so much she was like she was my daughter shortly after I found out I had cancer I was taking care of that little girl not working but taking care of her all day everyday for months in my house with her living here and my girlfriend living here while she worked. Then she's sitting here telling me griping at me that I need to get back working by about she can't be the only one working but then if I did that we wouldn't had a babysitter We would have nowhere for "Our daughter" She always insisted when I would say her daughter because she has a lot of hateful feelings towards her baby daddy. The other thing I forgot to mention is the fact that about 2 years into our relationship she went through a pretty major surgery for herself No one was there for her except for me I sat with her through the whole thing waited for her at the hospital I waited on her hand and foot at my place of living She laid in my bed took care of her gave her everything she needed and would do it again in a heartbeat The point is that I was there stood by her side took care of her in every way I needed to every way I could. In the first part of our relationship all the way through I'd say the first half She was always constantly wondering if I had eaten today or if I needed food or if I wanted her to cook me anything or I mean would she selflessly would do every single time she was happy to do it She loved doing it She loved being at the hotel and me coming home to a cooked meal how she would do it in her bra and underwear because just for shits and giggles you know She was the most sexually appetizing person I've been in with in my entire life number one and from day one of our relationship I never saw any other female on this planet My eyes never strayed not once they only saw her She was my everything. Fellas tell me when you fell in love If you ever felt the same because I know for me there was another woman on this planet that could ever even have compared to my woman she was so sexy so incredibly just mesmerizing for me and having her in my arms I felt complete I felt like a man I felt like I would move to heaven and earth for this woman and I was trying doing everything I could and it always just seemed like our little stupid spats and our bickering was so much more to her than it was to me because she would always end up leaving and going to her sisters. Her sister was and is so incredibly damaging for her mental state that I'm surprised that this woman has not killed herself yet She has no movement in her own life she's a stay-at-home girlfriend for her boyfriend of 16 15 16 years something like that and she is about a cow about 300 lb heifer that has always been jealous of anything the little sister gets that makes her happy that makes her have a better life than what big sister has then big sister has to sit there and destroy little sisters mental state just to bring her back down so she can feel good about her own self So anytime she ever went back there that's exactly what happened Big sister would just tear her down and break her down and it's just sick and that's where I think first mistake for us ever went was allowing her to move in there because as soon as she did seem like everything started going downhill and that's when I started finding things out about how much she was actually lying to me about stupid silly little things because her brother in-law and sister would talk to her about our relationship at night when they're all home together or whenever and they'd be giving her advice when these two are alcoholics they will not ever get married even though they've been together forever but this is just to not lose social security crap it's ridiculous there's a real fear of commitment between the two and a lot of damage between the two and it just fed right into my woman's head and I'm really truly believe it loud it her to be severely poisoned cuz she started turning into a completely different person but yet I still loved her like the day I first met her I still looked at her exactly the same I still do to this day even though she won't have anything to do with me for whatever reason I don't know I never got a reason but after everything we've been through I honestly felt like every time she made me promise never to leave her every time she made me the promise that she would never leave me no matter what blah blah blah I feel like it was all just a game to her now and a game to her family because my woman was the child that was traded off when things got too stressful for Mom she was the kid that was sent to the hospital to you know being the mental ward because it was just too tough for Mom to cope with having two kids and being as destroyed of a person as she is So of course that's led to a lot of emotional damages for my woman and for that entire family It's led to alcoholism and the other side of the family with her sister and her mom being best friends they hang out all day long and it's about the worst family situation you could think of but sadly she will still choose her family over anybody at the end of the day even though they don't choose her like that It breaks my heart to watch honestly the best thing she could do is cut them off from her life but there is a lot of times that she needed them there because she had no other option is what she felt instead of when we fought going there honestly alsoever wanted her to do is just calm down and instead of leaving stay here choose me over that bullshit fight choose me over the fucking nonsense of everything because at the end of the day none of it mattered to me I always forgave her for everything not because I wanted to be the doormat or because I allowed myself to be the doormat but because when I grew up I grew up in a Christian family That's what we do if we fight we work shit through I may not be the best Christian in the world but I know the values that I have in my family were not the same as hers they traded her off when times got tough they never showed her unconditional love so she doesn't even know how to unconditionally love her own children and it's really sad cuz honestly to this day I feel like that little girl would choose me over her own mother and that breaks my heart for her. I realize I've been rambling on for a while now but this one really doesn't sit right with me guys I've never had any issues with any breakup since this one and I know the mental state she was in when she made it and made this choice but the way she did it just recently after having promised her yet again and her promising me that we would never leave each other and to always fight for the relationship. She comes over about a 3 weeks ago we have sex been seen each other in a few days few days prior to that we went and took "our daughter" to her dentist appointment she had to be knocked out at and did great through who'd she want afterwards after she woke up me Not her mom just me to comfort her. So being the dad that I am of course I did that I gave her the comfort she needed we had a great day together but it was short-lived. My girl's been in such a bad spot mentally but she refused to talk to me about it I could never get her to open up and yes I did a lot of things wrong because I was always trying to fix her or trying to help her through it is how I see it She saw it as me trying to fix her and she said I don't need to be fixed. But I know I didn't see it that way and that may have been my mistake because she wasn't looking for advice or whatever on how to try to help her through it but she just wanted somebody to listen to her which I did I can repeat everything she's ever told me about an issue word for word I can almost predict in my head I can sit there and say okay what's she going to say. And then I can literally as she's saying it out loud I can pretty well determine already know what she's going to say while listening though just to make sure I don't miss anything It ends up being the same thing every time and it's always all about her family's issues and things going on between them. It's been this way for the last year and a half probably since she moved in there now just before this breakup she had been for a couple months looking for place for us to go cuz I want out of where I'm at now and she obviously wanted out of there and so she was supposedly looking for it for a place to go That was ours because I got a new job I sat here and prayed for a new job that I had applied for and they just weren't moving fast enough or something I guess because like 4 days before she broke up with me they called and I started working I was so happy I got back in that truck I was doing it for her for us for me for those girls everything was going the way I had invisioned it going. Then like I said two days go by she came over spend some time together We had a little quickie and then we went to her appointment with the psych doctor couple days later she breaks up with me This is how I wake up the next morning after being at work all night long in my tow truck to a text message and I'm blocked on everything every single social media outlet every everything that we had together online I'm just blocked. Knowing the mental state she was in I was like what the hell is going on now I got a short text message that said something like I can't do this anymore This is after going through her girl parts being taken out being with her the entire time waiting on her hand and foot this is after saving her daughter because her drunk ass sister drove home from their mothers house while watching the like 5-month-old baby at the time and ran the car into the fucking house in the middle of the night and we were both working shoot while she was watching her That's why she was watching her So of course I get a phone call she can't leave work and she's freaking out because her daughter was just in the car that just slammed into the house and did thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars worth of damage So what happens This guy goes and rescues the child and keeps the child with him the entire rest of my work night until mom gets off work there's lots of reasons that this woman has loved me completely and tried so hard and there's lots of reasons why I've loved her as completely as I could and tried so hard and tried getting back on track now I used her in those kids and myself to get me back to a point where I could even start to function again after finding out I had cancer and not knowing how to tell her or anybody and what hurts the most is the fact that she just gave up and just blindsided me with all of this if I feel like and it kills me but this is what I had to do because of her putting all her walls up and just stonewalling me with everything and knowing the fact that even on her Facebook she chose to not put family photos of us for up there but to put every other photo of that entire time together on there even ones that she had taken separately with just her and her girls making it look like nobody else was there the entire time She just failed to include the you know few pictures she took all of us. Which are now deleted off her phone obviously cuz she deleted everything of us together She always does that She always does it just deletes them because she never had any good memories as a child so she has an inability to just keep that stuff because it's painful to her now for some reason even if it was a happy memory She doesn't like those happy memories cuz those are painful that they're not going to happen anymore so she just erases everything and gets rid of it because it's easier for her while I'm not that type of person I'm a sentimental person I keep everything So of course when she goes gets her mind off track whatever I start to be sweet and send her you know our pictures together and things because I know she's already done deleted them which gets her nine times out of 10 and gets her right back to where she needs to be and realizing that I'm there for her that I I want her I choose her and I choose to do this together well not this time She completely stonewalled me wouldn't even respond to me for days and it was literally out of the blue So I'm freaking out because I'm thinking she's going to go hurt herself which she's tried to do a few times and she just reapped on all her medication the last time she tried to hurt herself that's what had happened She took all of her medication and thank God nothing happened but now she had you know six new bottles of pills which would have done it so I was scared for her life honestly. So I was literally just freaking out day after day night after night and all while having to work at night now with this new job in the truck that I was freaking out because I couldn't see her in my passenger seat anymore and then I was seeing her and then I was worrying about her and I was concentrating more on her than I was even able to do my job like I said I had to give it up even though I sat there and prayed for her prayed for myself to pray to get the job and it was literally a blessing because they created the position for me they didn't need to fill a position they created it for me I've been doing this job for well over 10 years of my career and I'm damn good at it Just not right now and so for the last month after everything that I found out everything that it's been said This is what I had to do guys and I I can't regret it I can't feel any type of way about it but I've been pushing and pushing and pushing on purpose because I know she's not coming back no matter what That's the way she feels but once I stop trying to fight for the relationship to fight for her and fight for those kids I know she's going to start to feel the feelings of losing me and it's going to start getting into her head so I knew if I stopped talking to her that's what would happen and she would try to slide right back into my life a month later whenever however it would happen she would come back eventually and I'm not going to be in a new place in my life where I would allow her to do that I can't So what I did was I pushed on purpose not only because she made me promise to do it but because I knew it's what needed to happen because I needed my mental state to be better and it's not right now I'm a wreck right now because of this woman because of losing this woman cuz I honestly felt like she's the one person on this planet that I would never let go. So my life is just turned into a fucking wreck on a wreck on a wreck because of her vindictive nature her mean-spirited bullshit when she gets mad She doesn't not have a filter so she uses her daughter against me how's it feel no that you'll never see "her daughter" ever again trying to dig into my heart and just cause more pain This is the type of stuff she would say to me That would just break me down to nothing. I've literally been in tears since the breakup and before that because I I think I kind of knew it was coming but I was just so depressed that I couldn't do anything I would cry every night even a month before we were broken up I would cry every night just cuz I missed her I missed her being next to me but that was her own fault that was her own doing She lied put words in my roommate's mouth that were never there and she couldn't apologize She could not be an adult and apologize to him and then it would have been fine She would have been a loud back at the house She would been able to come see me but she just is not the adult that I thought she was or that she used to be before when we first got together and and I don't understand what happened I can't see where it all just went so terribly wrong except for her moving in with her family. It has been the greatest experience of my life loving this woman but at the same time in the end it has been so destructive so I had to make sure that she would never come back So for the last month I've been pestering her coming at her yelling at her calling her all these names in the book and just destroying anything she ever had for me because I won't let her back into my life I can't cuz I know if I do it will be the death of me so I'm choosing me over the love of my life. The woman that I have lived for for this past three fucking years of my life given everything to worked my ass off so I could fucking just keep going the next day to provide what I could for us as a family mind you have paid for everything every waking moment for the first year and a half of our lives because she didn't have a job She didn't work so I paid for everything and that's everything we needed for the baby as well. That couldn't get bought with food stamps. Literally drained every bit of funds that I had saved up everything Just took me for a rollercoaster ride through hell but I chose me I choose me now And hopefully the apartment that she was finding for us the one that she supposedly went to Once she supposedly is at now I hope her I wish her all the best but I had to sit here and destroy any chances of ever being with the woman that I still to this day want because I know she comes back crawling back I knew that I would take her back in a heartbeat and I just can't do it so I had to get it done and over with for me for her for everybody because I won't be hurt like that I won't be disrespected like that I won't be turned into a monster because she tears me down with her hateful little remarks and digs into my heart that are totally unnecessary when I'm being everything I can try to be and be sweet for her She literally anytime I would try to be sweet would turn it into something it's not telling me I'm manipulating her telling me I'm doing this I'm doing that well okay so that's what I'll do That's what I thought and that's exactly what I did If I'm the monster let me know cuz I feel like it honestly but I know it's for the best. To my little blue sundress princess, the love of my life I'm Sorry I had to do what I did sweetheart I'll always love you no matter what babe Just can't have you walk back into my life and and destroy everything that I build from here on out because I'll end up killing myself and I don't want that to happen so this is goodbye even though I know you'll never read this. Just know that I see you everywhere in every place I go there's memories that flood back to me everyday that are amazing or that are bad or that are just that their memories they will fade eventually hopefully but for now they are still too real for me to just forget like seems like you want to do by going out there and supposedly live in your best life faking it just to make it for the rest of the world being that strong independent woman with that attitude exactly even though I know you're sad inside I know you just buried those feelings All the love you had for me and you're lying to yourself but that's on you now I tried I really really tried to get you to understand that that's where we were headed was the life we wanted so sorry I asked you to choose me and love me for me instead of love me for what I had or didn't have. I'm sorry I needed to do this or even felt like I needed to do this cuz I will always love you no matter what, But now my life is going to be for me and for me only for its remainder because you gave up the fight and I ended it.

hi guys so i’m trying to get a pedal for my boyfriends birthday that’s coming up. he wanted the Electro-Harmonix Bass Mono Synth Synthesizer Pedal but after researching a little bit, i found the Boss SY-200 guitar synth pedal. he plays both guitar and bass, so i thought it would be cool for him to have the second one so he can do both. i play guitar a bit but know nothing about this type of stuff. any suggestions would be appreciated! thanks :)
also let me know if you need more info! :)

Context:
I’m rewriting my WIP for the fifth (and hopefully last) time to make the story more character driven and make my characters motivations stronger. I’ve changed the first three chapters so many times I have no idea what’s good anymore. It’s a portal fantasy Reverse Harem with fated mates. You only meet two love interests in the intro (and one of them only shows up towards the very end of the set up), but I am just looking to see if my FMC's motivations make sense, or if I have made the Set Up too convoluted and given her too many goals.
**Please note the scenes I am posting have been written as an outline, and is not intended to read line by line like a finished manuscript. I will be writing it in First person POV when I finish plotting.**
Backstory (TLDR; Character A needs to gain access to the Other World so she can make a bargain to trade her Father's life for hers, we open on the 6th anniversary of him being taken, her 24th birthday. I ramble on for quite a bit so if you would like to get right into it please skip to Intro/Set Up)
Motivation:
Character A’s Father was stolen by otherworldly creatures 6 years ago and taken to their lands. Character A harbours guilt and blames herself because she disobeyed her Fathers rules and snuck into the woods with her friends on her 18th birthday to go swimming. Her Father came looking for her and that is when she witnessed him being taken.
In the area they live in, disappearances around the full moon were common, with many losing their loved ones over the last 50 years with no explanation. There were a lot of theories of aliens, bigfoot, cougars, werewolves, and only her Father claimed that magic wielding creatures were responsible.
Character A grew up being told stories about these lands, how the creatures enslaved humans to play in their games until they died for entertainment. Her Father told her magic was real but it was to be feared and to run from any sign of the unusual, forbade her from leaving her house after sunset or from ever going into the woods, and he always tried to keep her close to him.
He had a hard time holding down a job due to the grief he felt from losing Character A’s mother during childbirth and when he would drink he would make it known that he resented Character A for derailing his life, because now he was burdened with protecting her instead of living as a family. Her mother was buried there and her father refused to move away from her body. Character A internalized this, feeling guilty for being the reason he struggled so much, and spent her life caring for her father the way she would a child. Cooking, cleaning, paying bills, etc. She would even get revenge on his bosses for firing him. Her Father always claimed it was never his fault, that they were abusing their power and couldn’t handle somebody smarter than them, and losing his job would send him into an alcoholic depression.
Character A heard her Fathers words, and combined with the way out-of town business men had turned her small mountain town into their own personal resort, developed a deep hatred for anyone that held power. She would find little ways to get revenge on her Fathers bosses, and when she was older, spent her spare time getting revenge on the trust fund kids who didn’t care if their actions had consequences for the people living there.
She had a big dream of leaving her small town and exploring the world, but she felt responsible for her Father. She took care of him, and she was afraid of what would happen to him if she left, but she knew she was suffocating under him. Although her guilt and love for her father prevented her from seeing the full truth of what he was, narcissistic and abusive, deep down she knew and she became restless under his restriction.
When she was young she believed his stories but as she got older and never saw any evidence to back up his claims, the more she chaffed against his rules and started sneaking out. She wasn’t dumb, she always carried a knife and bear spray. She read up on what to do if you encountered a predator in the forest, and she begun stealing what little freedom she could for herself. She didn’t believe in magic, wolves and mountain lions were the only things that made sense to her.
Wound:
After her Father is taken Character A is broken. Everything her Father said was true, all he was trying to do was keep her safe, but she disobeyed him and now he was taken to a magical land to be tortured by never ending games. She is distraught and depressed. She begins sleeping in the woods, hoping to be taken too so her pain can end.
A few months later, at the end of summer, her best friend and boyfriend, the only people her father approved of her spending time with, tell her that they still plan to leave for the year long trip they were all going on. They want to start their lives, they think Character A has become delusional in the wake of her Fathers disappearance, they can’t be stuck there taking care of her, they can’t handle her emotions, they need a fresh start. She realizes they have been having an affair, she internalizes them telling her she is too much to handle and that she is unlovable. She was a burden on her father and then a burden on them. She doesn’t see them again for six years.
Present Day:
Character A has spent the last six years trying to get to the other world during the full moon. The weeks in between she spends physically training, researching anything she can, working just enough to cover her bills for the month, and distracting herself with casual flings or sleeping with the trust fund kids in order to gain access to something she wants to steal from them as payback for something they have done. She never lets herself get too close to anyone, knowing that she plans to disappear, but she partied with whoever is willing to distract herself until the next full moon.
Every passing year on her birthday she grows more and more desperate. She begins researching magic spells and rituals that might show her the entrance to the otherworld. She finds a newly discovered mushroom being sold that claims to help you see what is hidden from human eyes.
Character B:
A month ago Character B was sent from the other wolrld to retrieve Character A. She is the descendant of a lost royal line and they have received a vision from the goddess that she is her Heir, the key to defeating the darkness and restoring balance to the land. Character B does not live a good life in the other world, he is nothing but a glorified prisoner in his own life, and all he’s ever wanted was a family of his own, but because of the queen and his father, he cannot have that. He avoids confrontation, always choosing to run from his problems instead of fight. He first lays eyes on Character A as she is driving a motorcycle into a lake.
He is unsure if the vehicle is supposed to drive under water, so he waits a moment before trying to do a rescue. He doesn’t know it’s her until she swims up into the shore, and begins gathering weeds from the lakebed. he thinks she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen and can’t imagine dragging her back to his world where she could be in danger. He wants to watch the curious human for a bit longer to see what she does
He silently follows her and watches her climb into a window and place the weeds around a man sleeping in a bed, then creep down the hallway to an office where she unlocks a safe and pulls out a stack of papers. She then meets up with somebody, hands over the papers with a hug, then walks into the forest.
She walks and walks and he realizes she heading towards the portal and gets nervous, until she reaches a tree with five different coloured ribbons tied around one branch. She takes a new yellow ribbon , adds it to the branch and continues walking until she reaches another tree with ribbons where she adds another ribbon, then walks to the very centre of both trees and sits down. She softly hums a tune to herself.
She seems relaxed, strong and confident, he thinks this must be some new human ritual he hadn’t heard of yet and her humming is soothing to him, but he notices a shiver. He feels a strong need. To wrap her up in a blanket and make her warm. He decides right then that he cannot take her back and ruin her peace, that he himself would not go back, that he would befriend her and they would hide together her in her world and they would be safe and happy. It was pointless trying to fight anyway, they were never going to win and it would be better for them both to be safe and far away from the evil queen.
The next morning he follows her to her favourite coffee shop, glamoured to look more human and remove his pointy ears, and introduces himself as a man trying to get away from his overbearing parents and family he doesn’t get along with.
Intro/Set Up
Chapter 1
-Character A is thinking about how she has to get laid tonight, because it will be her last chance before she disappears and probably dies. Character A is stealing some documents and a bunch of cash from a safe in The Guys home office, she pulls a bag out of her pocket and with it, a card for the bookstore she works at flutters under his desk. She puts the documents and money in the bag and bends down to pick it up when she notices the family photo on the desk and she stops.
It is a picture of The Guy, His Son that she stole and crashed his bike into a lake last month, and The Other Son that she may have killed nine months ago when she burned his cabin down. She is filled with rage when she looks at the photo and thinks she doesn’t regret what she’s done. Character B calling her phone snaps her out of it and when she hears someone come home, she leaves, but she forgets the card.
-She stops at the bookstore to give Coworker 1 the documents and money. Coworker 1 says she will never be able to thank her, that this was the last thing she needed she could get out of town. Character A tells her good luck and to give them hell. Coworker 1 is leaving town tomorrow, she connected with a journalist who can help her expose The Guy and once she does she won’t be able to come back. Coworker 1 is very grateful to her, and Character A makes sure to tell herself that they aren't friends, because friendship requires a level of vulnerability that Olivia could not give her, but she knew Coworker 1 was a good person and deserved so much more than what she got when The Other Son sexually assaulted her at work while His Son filmed it. How when she received a payout in exchange for her silence they knew it wasn’t the first time. They were determined to find further evidence, and they did. Signed NDA’s from all of the employees they had paid off in the past.
Character B joins them at the store. Character A is petting her beloved bookstore cat and goes to pull some treats out of her bag. Her hand brushes against a vial of red and white mushrooms and Character A hopes that they are the key she has been searching for. For six years she has felt like she has been brushing up against the edge of something, but has never been able to get herself to the other side. She was deep in a witchcraft discussion forum when somebody posted about a new discovery of mushrooms, one that allowed the ingestor to see through the Veil, to show them all the magic they cannot see. The poster was pretty insistent that it wasn’t just a trip, that they were able to see threads of magic. After years of failed meditating, drinking teas, burning herbs,and chanting spells around the ley line conversion and not finding anything, what did she have to lose with some magic mushrooms?
Character B calls her name, startling her from her thoughts and she knocks over a box of alien and bigfoot merch. Coworker 1 cracks a joke about being careful with the product or else the alien truthers will riot, Character A rolls her eyes at the people who flocked there in search of the wrong thing. Character B apologizes for startling her and says he was just admiring one of her new Boxwood Topiaries, three trees of varying height that ended with hearts on top, and she says she finished it yesterday.
She loves plants but, like a cat, she can’t commit to having them because she doesn’t plan to be around long, so she does topiary art as a compromise, and the extra money she earns goes towards buying her herbs and mushrooms. Her Father never managed to save much money and she wasn’t left with much after he was taken. She had to use her savings replacing the furnace in her home shortly after her Father was taken, and now she only worked enough to keep her living until the next paycheck. She spent the rest of her time training and researching. Preparing to go to Wonderland in search of her Father.
Character B is making friends with the cat, having charmed it onto its belly, and Coworker 1 gives Character A a knowing look. Character A shakes her head, says they are just hanging out, nothing serious. Coworker 1 says he could be good for her. She knew they had been hanging out, that Character A had let him stay at her house for the last two weeks. She wasn’t judging though, Character A seemed lighter around him, and he was so nice. She had seen him helping Mrs. Smith with her groceries the other day.
Character A thinks that was what initially warmed her up to him. Coworker 1 was right, she never brought guys home, but the first week that he was here he had never failed to notice when people needed help and always offered to lend a hand. Plus he was fun, and fun to look at, and he was always looking for a new adventure. He took her mind off of what a failure she was for not saving her Father yet, and he seemed relatively harmless. So when he said he had never seen her favorite comedy movie she just HAD to take him home to watch it. And he hadn’t left, she hadn’t asked him to. It was becoming a problem. Because she was going to disappear tonight, and a small part of her was beginning to feel sad she would never see him again. It was why she hadn’t slept with him yet, she knew she enjoyed his company just a little too much and wouldn’t risk any further attachment. Character A agreed that he was a good person but emphasized that it was just casual. Coworker 1 says alright, she will back off, and she will let them get to the party. She needs to finish packing and wants to leave as soon as possible. Character A says she understand, they hug and say goodbye.
Chapter 2
-Character A and Character B are walking to the Board Game party. They are dressed as Clue characters, she is Miss. Scarlet and Character B is Mr. Green. They had played every board game she owned, which was a lot of them, in order to decide what to dress up as for the Your Favorite Board Game Party. He turned out to be a good competitor and got way more into the games than she expected him to.
He hands her a cinnamon bun, her favorite, and tells her he had made a whole batch for her, claiming that he knew she hadn’t gotten one since they were hiking that morning, and all she had eaten that day was trail mix and beef jerky and he refuses to let her party on an empty stomach. She happily takes a huge bite, grateful for this one thing she loved before she left this world forever.
He says he’s been thinking and asks her to go traveling with him. She almost chokes on her food. His words rush out and he assures her he has money and can pay for everything and they can go anywhere she wants. Her heart sinks into her stomach. Before her Father went missing, an offer like that from a hot guy would have been her dream, but she couldn’t now, or ever. She looks at the half eaten cinnamon bun, thinks how he had made them because he had gotten coffee with her every morning for the last three weeks, and he saw how every Saturday and Sunday morning she would get a cinnamon bun the size of her face and eat it. She looks at the Green jacket he wore and remembers laughing in the thrift shop as he tried on a full leather catsuit while they searched for the perfect outfit for the party. He was too good. She begins to think that in another life, they could go. They could adopt an adventure cat and take it with them on their world travels, but that wasn’t possible for her. She wasn’t staying in this world, and even if she was, she was too messed up. Too broken. Too much of a burden. And she could never give all of herself to one person ever again, she did it twice, and was broken by both of them because she was too much.
She decides he’s gotten too close and she needs to push him away, so in the hopes that it will scare him, she explains that she can’t leave because her Father was stolen by a magical creature and taken to the Other World. She tells him the entire story her father told her, of creatures luring people to the Other World and keeping them for the Queen's entertainment, forced to be pawns in her games. They are ruthless and obsessed with games and everything reeks of roses. She tells him its her fault that he got taken and she can’t live with herself until she either gets him back or gets revenge for his death.
Character B begins pleading with her, telling her she shouldn't go. She is surprised he doesn’t balk or think she is crazy. He isn’t looking at her the way Ex-Bestfriend and Ex-Boyfriend did, like they feared she would infect them with her crazy, no, he looks at her with genuine terror in his eyes. She stops walking, they are just outside the party house. What do you know? She says. He inhales and steps forward, desperation etched into hs features, and says that he knows that everything she said was true, and that it is much worse than she even thinks. That if she goes, she will not make it back here. It’s too dangerous, and he just wants to keep her safe. She is flabbergasted, and checks over his features for signs. No pointed ears, no animalistic features such as scales or a tail, no strange eyes. How do you know all this? He doesn’t answer, his mouth works like he’s trying to come up with something and betrayal starts to roil in her gut.
Before he has the chance to lie, two men throw their arms around their shoulders. It is the couple that Character A hooks up with on occasion. They start walking them into the house and the one with Character A asks if she wants to come over later for a joint and to hook up. She tries to muster up a yes, it is what she wanted after all, but she can’t think straight after her conversation with Character B. She turns back to see he’s been steered into a conversation with a few other people and thinks she needs a drink to calm herself and give her some courage.
-She walks into the kitchen for a glass and bumps into her Ex-Boyfriend. She is thrown for a loop again. He says Happy Birthday and remarks that he didn’t think he would find her at a party today, since he knows how much she hates her birthday. Character A is surprised to see him and momentarily forgets about Character B, and asks what they’re doing back in town. He says its because Ex-Bestfriends mom is still missing. Character A says, oh, right. And feels stupid for thinking she wouldn’t run into them. She was devastated to hear Ex-BFFs Mom had been taken, she was like a second mother to her, but after Ex-BFF left she couldn’t stand to look at her Mom anymore and remember what she had lost.
He mentions something about the baby coming soon and Ex-BFF wanting to be as close to her mom as she can. Character A questions the baby and he tells her they are pregnant. Character A flashes back to both of them telling her they were leaving and couldn’t stay in contact with her anymore, that she had become too much for them to handle on the horizon of their new lives. She noted the way they looked at each other and how their knees pressed together, and that was when she knew they had been having an affair. She comes back to the present when he leans in close and says he actually wants to ask her some questions about her dad. She sees a familiar head with a mop of blonde hair moving through the crowd towards them. Seeing Ex-Boyfriend was bad enough, she cannot see Ex-Bestfriend. See her pregnant. And now he wants to hear what she has to say about the disappearances? You can go fuck yourself, she spits and walks away before he can say anything else, and thankfully, before Ex-Bestfriend reaches her. She thinks his betrayal hurt her, but her betrayal broke her.
-She is fleeing the kitchen, heading for the back door, desperate to get away from them, when she bumps into an attractive man in a red velvet sport coat with a red velvet top hat. They are both imprinted with roses. He apologizes for bumping into her and her heart skips a beat, thinking of the Queen's obsession with roses. She asks him who he's supposed to be and he smiles but pauses before saying his name is Character C, he’s friends with Character B, and her heart stops all together. A chill runs through her and Character B interrupts and asks him what he’s doing here. Character C hugs him and says its good to see him and says he thought he was dead. Character C turns to Character A and says that he took off for a month without saying anything, could she even believe it? And they had an important event that the three of them needed to attend tonight. Character B starts to argue with Character C when Character A hears her name called. The Guy she stole from is there, he holds up the card to the bookstore that fell under his desk and said he wants the contents of his safe back, and maybe the sheriff will go easy on her if she returns it, or maybe he won't since he will also be investigating his cabin burning down and one of his sons going missing. Character A plays dumb but he grabs her around the neck and says he knows it was her, she’s a pathetic bum just like her father. Character B punches him, forcing him to release her and they begin fighting. The other partygoers jump to Character A’s defense and start fighting the other guys that came with him. Character C picks up Character A after she was knocked over to keep her from being trampled, and Character B breaks away when The Guy starts fighting with someone else. So they turn and head for the door, but The Guy's Son, the same one from last month who she stole the bike from, blocked the back door.
-Character A turns and together they run into the basement, locking the door behind them. They run down the stairs and into a bedroom where she locks the door again. She whips out her knives and points one at Character C. “Why do you want me to go to the Other World?” He holds up his hands and smiles, “I need your help finding a weapon that will help me defeat the Queen .” “Why me?” “The Goddess showed me in a dream that it is you. I will pay you in gold and return you back here, unharmed, once you find it.” Character A hears them break through the basement door and descend the stairs. “Fine, I’ll help you do it.” Character B protests and steps forward but she gestures the knife at him and he stops. “But first, you will help me find my Father and send him back here. Alive. And healthy.” All she knows about the Other World is what she could glean from her Fathers stories and what she was able to research about lore, but she had no idea what was accurate and what was not. She would be a fool to think she should turn away help if she could bargain for it. “I will help you find you Father, but it won’t be until after tonight, we must attend the Queens party so you can search for the weapon, this is the best opportunity we will have for another year.” The Guy begins banging on the door. She took it back, she was being a fool, she had very little hope that she would be able to fulfill her end of the bargain, but she was out of time, and she may never have a chance to get to the Other World again. “Deal.” She says as she steps forward to shake his hand. Character C grasps it and an electrical charge runs up her arm. He pulls a small vial out of his pocket. He dumps some black sparkly powder on his tongue and a hole appears in the floor. Grabbing Character B’s hand as well they jump through it just as the door breaks open.
If you have read this far, seriously thank you so much and I love you and if you want feedback on anything please direct me to where I can provide it!
I wanted to note that the mention about her potentially killing The Other Son is relevant to the plot because he did not die in the fire, he was lured to the Other World and will be there as an antagonist when Character A shows up. Also, the mushrooms become relevant to her finding the weapon in book 2. She gets sidetracked this book by finding her father and bargaining to take his place in the game (the party they are attending is to watch this game take place) and having to fight her way out of them. The entire first book takes place over the course of one single night.

My husband is very very much meticulous when it comes to our financial life. Hes goot at saving money and it has always been. I have not. I never spent more than I earned, never got into dept or anything but I was not as good as saving money as he was. Im working on it. I always felt lime he resented me for "spending too much" but when we spoke about it he said I was reasonable and it was okay.
He earns less than me but is underpaid in his current position. He is looking for something else to do at the moment but is still there. He wants to quit by June and we have been saving money for it. Until two months ago I was able to save 40% of my salary into our savings account. He has a specific ammount of money he wants saved befote he quits so we dont have any problems. Perfect. It was going well.
But last month we got word one of our favorite bands were coming to our country (not so common because we live in Brazil) and we bought tickets. Two weeks later one of my favorites sais they were coming. We bought tickets. And then now Twenty One Pilots said they were coming. He got nervous because we had spent a lot on the other concerts (we have never been to concerts before) and asked if we could cancel any of them. I said we could cancel the first one no problem, So I emailed the company to ask for a refund. They took a few days to answer but we had to buy the TOP tickets before we got the answer. Now they said thay can't refund us and my husband got upset. I'm trying to sell the tickets to get some of the money back but he doesn't believe I'll be able to.
On top of that we've had some unexpected issues with our motorcycles (both of us ride and both of our bikes needed fixing ASAP) and some money went into that as well.
With everything that happened plus Mother's Day and two birthdays on the family we were not able to save any money this last two months and when he quits by the end of June we will not have the amount of money he wanted to. Close. But not enough.
All of this to say he's very upset about it. He didn't speak to me yesterday since I gave him the news they wouldn't refund us for the tickets, didn't even look at me. We went to bed and he turned to the other side, when he thought I was asleep he got up and went to the sofa. Now it's almost noon in here and he doesn't want to get out of bed. When I lay beside him he looks the other way and his responses are monosilabical.
EDIT: He is quitting because his job is toxic and he has an abusive boss. He is underpaid and overworked. I support him getting out of there and he is already looking for a new job. Has done some interviews just didn't get anything until now. We know it would be best for him to keep his job until he gets a new one but that place is really taking his toll on him that's why he'll quit by June. I'm sorry I didn't say it before. My bad
I don't know what else to do. All I can think of it to sell some of my books and clothes to get some of the money back. What do you think I could do to get this right? Was I unreasonable for asking the tickets?
EDIT 2: Thank you guys so much for keeping me sane. I've been in abusive relationships before and the silent treatment really gets me spiraling. It's night now and we talked. He apologized for not speaking to me, said he's scared of leaving his job and us getting in trouble. I opened out spreadsheets and accounts and got him to calm down a little. He's ok with the tickets now, said we'll have to be a little tight for a white but we'll be alright. I mentioned therapy, he doesn't like the idea but I'll keep trying. Thank you so much for your support. I'll come and update you if anything happens.

Ever seen an article titled ”5 ways to get better service at (establishment)” or the like?
They were popular in the 90s in certain magazines — today we might call them “life hacks,” but then they were just strategies of how to bully or ooze your way into getting more out of your normal interactions.
A lot of them had points like: - don’t take no for an answer - Be persistent - make an appointment, but show up earlier and see if they can “fit you in” - if you want something but you think it’s too expensive, find a lesser model, buy that, then tell them it was the clerk’s fault you bought the wrong one, and to keep you happy they’ll give you the better one as a replacement. But you have to seem really upset. Be persistent. - tell them it’s your birthday/anniversary/honeymoon and they have to do something extra and fancy for you - tell them you know the manager — they’ll try to impress their boss by taking care of his friends - be pushy, people who don’t want it as much will let you go ahead - demand an upgrade, they always have the ability to give you one - places have discounts that they don’t advertise — you need to ask for them, and at first they will play dumb, so be persistent! - tell them you’ll lose you as a customer if they won’t accommodate you - other people are getting these benefits, you’re a suckefool if you don’t

WARNING: Long post. This is my first ever rant in this sub, and I barely have any experience on making posts on Reddit. Not to mention I am still struggling with English essays. So, I apologize before hand for any confusion and errors I made. 🙇
Context: I am a female native Vietnamese, living in a family of four in the North of the country. I just became an official adult few months ago, and is training for college entrance exam.
Ever since I attended 10th grade, my relationship with family has shifted drastically, my bond with my AM is stronger than it used to while in contrast, I have become more resentful to AP. And my resentment is more relevant as I turned 18.
Before talking about our current situation, I want to tell you about my life.
When talking about who I prefer, it is always be AM. Not until now was she emotionally intelligent, well, a bit better than she used to. She tended to forbidding me doing lots of things because of overprotection. Maybe that is why I am often hesitant to try something new. I remember our past fights when she only knew about screaming, threatening, throwing and breaking my stuff like a toddler and I had to bare with it because you know, I was 10-13 in a fucking Asian society. After she quit her dead-end job, she opened her own business, goes outside and studies more, she becomes more enjoyable to be around with. But after all the bs, I have always have choosen her for love and security. And this is the first time I realized that.
Moving on to AD. Between kindergarten to 5th grade, AD and I were quite close. At least, that what I thought because I was slow and naive, really naive. Despite being "quite close", I still remember the times he yelled and hit me for slight inconvenience. I still have the memory of the scar left by his belt for not doing what he wants. Also, in 10th grade, during COVID, children had to study online. I was the only one who knew how to and had to open the Zoom for my sister. One time, our classes started at the same time, I was on the rush and forgot about the Zoom of my sister. AD did not know how to open Zoom, he was pissed. As a result, he threw my stuff at the wall and forced me to clean up his mess.
Growing up in this household, I just recently notices how much of a kid he is. He is stubborn, conservative and always full of himself. AD is not the type who listens to others but loves everyone following him, always claiming he is right no matter what. He has no dream, no desire to be better. His pride is higher than his care for the kids. And like many deadbeat father and husband out there, he is a good for nothing. AD will be a grumpy and sour when anything slightly inconvenients him. Even when that "anything" is extremely vital for the well-being of his daughters. AD does not contribute anything in the house, not even his marriage nor the kids' education, only bosses around and sees red when one thing doesn't go out his way. Not to mention, he demands respect and worship for having a job offered by his rich brother and feeding the family aka doing the bare minimum.
Back to the present, after my 17th birthday, AD becomes dismissive and degrading than before. Everytime I talk about my issues WITH MY MOM, he will interrupt and dismiss them. Moreover, he starts to talk more about how hard his past is. Nothing much, just the typical "back in my days..." of immature oldies. AD is a gen X born two years after the end of Vietnam War, I totally get that he had been through shit. But the way he talks, he sounds like he takes pride from it, glorifies his struggles with a smug attitude. AD does not say it directly how proud he is about it, but by listening the way he scoffs at young city dwellers' issues, I sense not only arrogance but also bitterness.
Now, seeing his face is enough to drain my energy, let alone hearing his bs. I am surprised, everyone else is surprised that AM has not divorced him, especially after being as equally educated as lots of divorced women out there.
That is all for now, I may edit this post for more context in the future. If there is any questions you would like to ask, I will answer in the edits or in the replies. Thank you for spending time reading my rant.

Happy, happy birthday, my love. Can you believe that we are are 40 now? It seems like such a milestone year to me, so I'm making it a point to cross off a few bucket list items. It would make me happy to know you're doing the same. You deserve to do something nice for yourself. I hope that this is your very best birthday and that your family is pampering you and giving you all the love you deserve.
Before you ask, yes, I am doing okay. The kids are all doing wonderfully, especially "G". She is thriving, and I am so proud of her. Soccer has started for "B" (sorry, I just couldn't bring myself to call it football 😆), and you know I think of you every time I watch him play. Work is going fantastically, and I'm very happy in my current role. My boss has asked me to take yet another assignment, but I think that I will politely decline this time. I'm exhausted of the constant grind and have been focusing my energy on personal aspirations aside from my career, for once.
The vase from the flowers that you sent me broke a few weeks ago, and I cried. I cried because I have one less reminder of you. I cried because that broken glass was a stark reminder of how broken our connection has become. And I cried in frustration at both my inability to find another who loves me and at the missed opportunity to see you in Chicago earlier this year. I plan to visit London in August, and as much as I tell myself the trip is for relaxation and gazing at art and architecture, we both know the real reason. There may be little hope of seeing you, but being in the same city will be comforting enough.
Are you doing okay, too? It drives me crazy when you disappear, and I can't inquire about the happenings in your life. I miss knowing even the mundane. How is your work? Have you made it to an Arsensal game or two this season? What books have you been reading? Have you taken any trips? What activities are the kids involved in these days? Will you even be in London in August or have you taken a new assignment elsewhere?
Anyway, I hope that you have been "all in" with your marriage and that things with "L" have improved. I pray that she is treating you well and making you happy. She is so lucky to have you. I also hope the kids, your mum, your sisters and their families are all doing well. But most importantly, I hope you are taking care of yourself. Please don't forget to do that. You can't take care of everyone else if you're not putting care into yourself. Lastly, never forget your worth and that you are loved beyond measure. I hope that we speak again soon.
ndinokuda uye ndakusuwa, K💗

My fiancé and I bought our first house last year — yay! It was built in 1951 and was sold to us with a “finished basement” and for a very short period of time after purchasing, it was. Then the water pooling started. It started slow, then soon after whenever it rained water would seep under the walls into puddles. It’s reached a point now where it would be unsafe to not get this issue under control.
We have spoken to a number of waterproofing companies and professional landscape companies, but both tell us their way is best and there is no comparable stories online that help us make this decision.
From what we’ve been told by these companies, it looks as though our house may not have been built with the basement originally. It potentially was built with a crawl space and turned into a garage then a basement. We took down some drywall and found about 3 feet of space on 2 sides with about 3-4 feet of dirt inside. We also found a basement wall with bowing and large cracks but more on that later. Most of all we found a ton of evidence of mold and water saturation along foot boards, studs, cement blocks etc. We are looking into legal options as we have had almost everyone who came to give an estimate tell us they think the previous owner was aware of the issue and was covering it up by “finishing” the basement with drywall and paint to hide cracked walls, mold, and water damage.
We just need help trying to decide what to do… My fiancé and I don’t really have any family to help so we had to clean out our whole 401k with a hardship withdrawal. We don’t want to pick the wrong thing and then be broke and still have this issue. Not to mention a few weeks ago on my fiancés birthday weekend, we had a septic issue that already costed us $8,000. (Worst birthday gift ever he said).
The exterior grading company is quoting us $12,000 to: - Remove bushes, concrete pad, concrete side walk. - Reshape, contour, raise elevation and slope away from home on 4 all sides, pipes to street s - Install 24 inch catch basin - Seed fertilizer and straw area rework. They claim it will fix the problem and we will be as good as new because water will no longer be getting into the basement.
On the interior side, we have had several quotes ranging anywhere from $16,000 - $25,000. - $18,000 for sump pump, full 4 wall interior drain channel, wall barrier and discharge line. This doesn’t fix the cracking foundation wall - $25,000 fix cracked wall and 360 all the above - $16,000 fix cracked wall and just add a sump pump with a small channel on just one wall. - $8,000 only fix crack wall, no waterproofing.
Here’s the kicker. That last 16k estimate came with a diagram the guy made to explain why the other guys exterior method won’t work and it would not fix our problem. Basically, the exterior grading can’t go deeper than the footer so the exterior grading will not stop intrusion below the basement slab or inner block wall and that it would help but not fix the issue. He said he’s not trying to make a sale but if I do go with the other guy to get in writing that “their system will completely solve my water intrusion issue and that exterior work will not compromise the already failing wall in the basement”.
At this point absolutely no idea what to do. We have to fix the cracked wall. We already have to spend another $5,000 fixing the water damage, mold, moisture and humidity issue but are lost on what to do about waterproofing.
What would you do? This set back has been a financial nightmare significantly pushing back plans for a wedding and children.
TLDR: Company A) Exterior grading/excavating/shaping around house perimeter, catch basin. “Keep water from getting inside instead of just guiding it out when it’s already inside” for 12k VS Company B) Interior sump pump, channel, discharge, wall fix, “Actually solve the problem by collecting water from all areas including under concrete slab and pump out for 16k. No idead what to do. 401k hardship withdrawal, tight budget. Super stressed. What would you do?
UPDATE! - (With Pictures) Including a link to pictures of the diagram and other trouble areas. https://imgur.com/gallery/basement-trouble-DT6NAhg?s=sms

Hello,
I’m 23 f and I have at least 3 women I know who are most likely in abusive relationships. One of them is my friend, one of them is my aunt, one of them is boss. All three of them I’ve had a situation where I witnessed a clear sign of abuse. This is a long one. But I feel like each situation matters.
The first one is my best friend. She would tell me all types of events that happened between them where he was not a good man. Mostly cheating. I tell her to leave him multiple times. Next thing you know she’s pregnant and they move in together. He didn’t change though. Next thing you know they were fighting and he hit her in the car, bruising her. I beg her to leave. She doesn’t. The next event that happens is that they’re arguing in the house and he pulls a knife on her threatening her. He eventually gets mad and throws their baby onto the bed and storms out the apartment. She sent me the footage and I tell her to please leave for the safety of her baby and call the police. The police didn’t do anything but make his whole family mad at her. The police did not care at all. She tells me she’s going to have her dad get her a ticket to leave and move in with her dad. I kept asking about how that’s going everyday. And it turns into a month afterwards. She stayed. She gets pregnant again. And her boyfriend hates me and told me if I go to her baby shower he won’t be there and neither will his family. So I don’t go because of this and also because I’m scared he’ll hurt me too. She doesn’t tell me about what happens with him anymore. I feel like through speaking up and trying to help I made her situation worse.
The second woman is my auntie. She’s not my aunt by blood and not even by marriage but she has my biological uncles children. You can’t go anywhere with them without them arguing at the end of the night. They’re both still young and only 4-5 years older than me and they both have a drug addiction with coke. However, I notice he gives her coke more than he does it himself. He goes out of his way to embarrass her, call her names, and ruin the night. He doesn’t care whose it’s in front of. I’ve never seen him physically hit her, but I wouldn’t doubt for a second he does. Nobody in my family speaks up because he’s blood. And they’ll always take his side because they just see her as the coke head baby mom. And she does have her issues. She’s had fights with other members of my family because of them. And I don’t excuse her from them. But I think the way my uncle talks to her is unacceptable and verbally abusive. Not only does he do it front of our family, but he does it in front of his own kids who are all girls. One night we’re all getting back from somewhere and they start fighting and he’s just berating her over nothing all because she asked if I wanted to go get something to eat. I tell him calm down it’s okay it’s not that deep and then he tells me “you’re not helping at all”. I’m not a very confrontational person. I’m often scared to be the one to speak up. So I put my hand on her should and tell her it’s okay. And he gets mad at me and tells me “you’re not helping AT ALL stay out of it”. It’s a quiet way back home. Weeks pass and it’s my birthday so we’re all playing board games having a good time and drinking. Me and my aunt start talking about mental health and stuff and my uncle doesn’t like it so he tells her it’s time to go to bed. And my aunt is like we’re talking and we’re about to watch another movie. I agree and my uncle gets mad at both of us. When he walks out we talk about him being weird and he starts blowing up when he gets back. I’m drunk and I’m like this is the moment I speak up because this is not okay. I stand my ground and I continue watching the movie with her even though he’s throwing a fit in the background. Eventually he just shuts the tv off. And I turn it back on. Eventually we’re fighting over the buttons and he tells me you’re my niece and you’re turning against me don’t ever ask me for anything ever again. My dad wakes up and tells us all to be quiet. And he tells ME to calm down. When this all started because of him. I go and hug my aunt and just go to bed. The next morning they’re laid up together again and they’re both not talking to me. And the rest of my family tells me I should’ve just minded my business and to stay out of peoples relationships. But how can I stay silent seeing this happen? This scars me because It felt like everyone turned against me instead of the obvious abuser. My aunties smiles at me, but she wont speak to me because it’ll start another fight with my uncle. We eventually hang out again but I feel discouraged for speaking up anymore. Because nothing changes.
The next person is my boss. I know this is odd. And I’m not that close to my boss. And I don’t know what happens when she’s at home with her husband. But there was a work trip and my boyfriend and I go to the event in her husbands car to carpool. I’m the car I guess she gave the wrong directions on accident. He starts driving crazy yelling at her and calling her stupid. The way he was driving at that moment you would’ve thought he was drunk. He’s driving over sidewalks, speeding on city roads cutting off other people while berating her. She just stays silent. And I stay silent. My boyfriend stays silent. I’m scared to speak up anymore. Because I know nothing will change. But something needs to be said. But if I feel like if said anything I would’ve caused more trouble.
What am I supposed to do in situations like these? Do I really say nothing? It’s like every part of my body is fighting to speak up but the only person who gets punished is me and the victim. But never the abuser. What do I do when witnessing this?

u/addisonellison X2 - I agree with you. This is great for relieving stress. Things are ok on this coast. Still looking for a job with a decent boss. Decent being the key word. The last guy had a few links missing lol
u/reasonable_ad1688 - that bottle cap windchime you made sounds cool! u/ninajyang - your complaint has been lodged. I love the postcard you picked. It’s like a charcuterie board! God bless spell check for knowing how to spell that word lol
u/wabisabi_sf - how was your trip!
u/kk6321 - you’re very right that I love the weed stickers.
u/gothwitchofbrooklyn - thanks for the complaint!
u/snerdboff - ❤️ an Obama card. Just seeing him brings a sense of calm & peace.
u/rennbrig X2 - thanks for the motivation! Also the card with the handmade paper… did you make it yourself? I feel like I hand made paper once but it wasn’t anything you could really write on.
u/-random_ness- - I didn’t realize you had native Americans down there in Virginia but I guess it makes sense!
u/rosiealeo1 - awful I know. But like yeah those cards were too positive for me! Sorry you’re funky now
u/raspberrypoppyseed - thanks for the Star Wars card
u/travel4me22 - thanks for the card. The cheesy places are the best to me!
u/cswl X9 - thanks for the story & complaints :) I didn’t realize loupaper made cards with foreign countries featured on them so that was especially cool to see! Also I’ve tried heated floors before. Some hotel I stayed at had them. Loved them. Did you know Holland Michigan has heated sidewalks all over town that melt snow as soon as it falls? I love how you saved up a ton of complaints & sent them all separate. Always great to get mail from you!
u/altrusticsubject95 - thanks for the card. My job with the doctor actually didn’t work out. He didn’t have enough patients to necessitate a second medical assistant. Turns out he hired me to spite his current MA - no joke. So I quit after two days. Back to you though. It sounds like you’re a good nurse, doctors are trained to document & work on charts now. Not work with patients & build relationships. I’m not a fan of young doctors. Knowing they’re the future of medicine scares me.
u/zkhg - thanks for your complaint. Without outting your life story… I personally don’t want kids. But I’ve known that for a LONG time. At least a decade. I don’t wanna be responsible for anyone but me. Also I too am 34.
u/practical-tangelo22 - thanks so much for the drawing. I absolutely love it!! It is exactly what I’d expect from someone living in your area! u/daeneryswon - thanks for your complaint. My thing with longer trips is it wears you out more to the point you need a vacation from your vacation. But I get wanting more time to take a slower pace.
u/mute_writer - thanks for the card & stickers. The ice maker has actually been working ok for once!
u/penhand1 - thanks for the vintage postcard. Love it!
u/stillsheryl - thanks for the card. It’s interesting your complaint is about allergies. I actually got off my two allergy meds the last few months. I was taking them for maybe 8 or 9 years. Turns out I never actually had allergies. The urgent care doc from a long time ago was wrongo!
u/ngocburin - I agree with you that Vietnamese coffee is amazing. I have these powered packets of it that I use that I get from the local Asian market. So good
u/keqani - thanks for sending a card for pop pop!
u/appropriate_power392 - thanks for the birthday card for my father :)
u/pierresgirl - thanks for all the complaints. I totally agree with the part about people buying more car than they can afford!!
u/t3ctim - I absolutely LOVE the drawing you made for me!
u/luxuryjerky - thanks for the mushroom card!
u/iz-a_bee - I hear your complaint which is also a complaint of mine!
u/josanne916 - thanks for the card!
u/disney-ghettas - to say I simply love the design on the card you sent me would be an understatement.

Hi, I know some of you have been interested in Joost’s written stuff, so this is one of them. It’s a short story that Joost wrote for Boekenweek voor Jongeren (Book Week for Young People) in 2019. There’s more info about it here (in Dutch) https://www.vice.com/nl/article/qvgzpv/joost-klein-schreef-een-kort-verhaal-over-een-wilde-nacht-in-berlijn and there was also this promo video for it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx7wxnpxps0. It's been translated from Dutch - maybe not the most perfect translation but it's readable. Original in Dutch here. Enjoy

"How come he suddenly has cash?" I looked at Gurb, but he avoided my gaze. Louis never had money and yet he was buying another round. Meanwhile, a Moby song was playing and nothing made sense. "If he has money for drinks, he can surely pay me back, right?"
Just a few hours ago, I was alone in Berlin. Now, ten hours later, I'm standing in some obscure techno club with my best friends. Loud rock music with drunken shouting. "Hey, Miss Murder, can I make beauty stay if I take my life?" I woke up that day with a mild hangover from the lonely yet people-filled night before. Perfect conditions for a 20-year-old dropout.
The Hard Rock Café was the most beautifully ugly place in Berlin. Gurb had driven for seven hours straight in his mother's car, but we didn't notice. An iconic black Mini Cooper. Your body leads your mind, the beat never stops, and you can conquer the world. Louis threw in another crazy dance move. We were happy.
"Do you want another drink, brother?" Gurb asked me, half shouting. An evening filled with rhetorical questions. He saw me dancing and already knew the answer.
Gurb always had money. Louis, on the other hand, never did. Louis was also the youngest of us three. He had just turned 18. I wouldn't call him a cunning fox. More like a jack-of-all-trades. Like the time he made a lot of money on a Wadden Island with a group of boys. They sold large blocks of hash.
"Crazy dude!" I shouted at him. He yelled something back.
"Do you remember back then?" Louis said.
"Back then? Back then? Yeah man, of course!" I had no idea what he meant. "Do you mean the party?"
"Do you mean the party, he says! This guy. When I look at you like this, it makes me happy. The exact same kid is here letting loose just like back in high school!"
We knew each other from secondary school. He joined when I was in the second grade. He was very intelligent. Too young, too much knowledge of the world. His mother is from Brazil. We often went to his mother's place to play on the Playstation Louis and I had bought together.
I lived everywhere at that time. In the crisis shelter where I stayed for a while, for example, I wasn't allowed to have a Playstation. So we set it up in an accessible place, near school. It was always fun with Louis. Going together to the Apple Store. Taking all kinds of photos with all the webcams, posting them on Hyves, and then leaving. Louis always knew how to cheer me up.
"Aaaaaaaaaa!" There was Gurb with five drinks in his hands. Gurb was wearing a blue checkered shirt. Two buttons undone. Hair slicked back. "You look good, brother!"
"You look fresh too! We all look fresh!" Gurb said enthusiastically. Louis was wearing a completely white outfit. We quickly bought this before going out. He also bleached his hair.
"You look like the Brazilian cousin of James Dean in these clothes," I said. Louis laughed. "Let me take a picture."
Suddenly, the DJ switched to some kind of techno. "Ah, here Berlin briefly takes off its mask." I was fine with it all. Louis was talking to a lady.
Voluptuous breasts, I thought to myself. He gave her one of his two drinks.
"He's with a girl and he's thinking with his dick," I said to Gurb. "Let him be, tonight Berlin is ours!"
The bass kept pounding. "I simply don't have the patience for the club," I said to Gurb. He looked surprised. Like a sweet dog, tilting his head. "I'm just waiting for tomorrow. Can't do my thing here. Don't have patience for the already known. I want adventure and I want it now!"
Gurb started laughing. "Patience is a virtue." Yes. Patience is all well and good, but I think it's a waste of my time. Gurb grabbed my shoulder.
"I think it's time for another beer."
Louis and I were walking through Leeuwarden a year ago when suddenly a red Ford Ka stopped in front of us. It was Gurb, casually driving around the city. He invited us into his car. We hopped in. Since that afternoon, the three of us were together. A few months later, Louis got a tattoo on his ribs in honor of our friendship. It was the name of our group chat. Braddar Force Indigo.
There were also days when Gurb would take me for a drive around Friesland. He reminded me how beautiful Friesland is. The world doesn't spin there. The newspapers I threw away in the Stiens forest in 2011 could still be lying in the same spot, so to speak.
Just before midnight, I found myself in line for the restroom. My eyes fell on a pair of striking shoes. Cigarette smoke invaded my nose for the fourth time. "Müssen Sie eine Zigarette haben?" a female voice spoke to me. I felt like Tom Hanks in the final scene of Angels & Demons, where the new pope first steps onto the balcony. The curtains opened. There I was, witnessing an important moment in history. I was just told how I was sent by God, but my ears didn't want to hear any of it. At least that's how I felt. My mouth was empty. I had no words left. That's when I knew for sure. Berlin might really be as crazy as literally everyone says.
Dark blond, silky hair. Was this real beauty then? She wouldn't look 40, but I think she was. A true woman. Beautiful in all her elegance. I always joked about being interested in older women, but tonight one stood in front of me. "I don't smoke," I said to her.
Someone tapped me. "Please, just go to the toilet!" He was right. I hadn't peed in a while either. My urine was cloudy. "Glomerulonephritis," I said to myself on the toilet. This is an unusual condition. It's an inflammation in the kidneys, I thought I remembered. They should never have given me access to Google.
The evening progressed, and Louis kept buying rounds. "But seriously now. How does Louis suddenly have all that money for drinks?" I asked Gurb. He was outside smoking with a group of Swiss girls. I had strategically positioned myself so that I could always leave the crime scene if necessary.
"You shouldn't ask me," said Gurb. He was laughing with the temporary girlfriend group of Louis. Gurb has a beard. A lot of chicks like that. I get it too.
As much as I enjoyed Louis and Gurb being here for me, something didn't sit right with me. It couldn't just be about the money. "What's up with him?" I heard one of the Swiss girls say to Gurb.
Those kinds of questions really tire me out. "Not much, with you?" I replied.
They all started laughing. "That's not what she meant, brother," said Gurb.
"I couldn't care less whether she meant it or not. Send that brace-face back to Switzerland. Don't drive me crazy, alright!"
Actually, I hadn't drunk that much that evening. "Two vodka Sprites, please!" It's rare for me to get just one drink. "I always get two drinks, then you have to wait shorter for the third one!" Maybe the alcohol was affecting me more than I wanted to admit. Oh well, it was still the three of us against the world.
"Nice shoes, are those Prada?" I asked a random girl at the bar.
"No, these are fake. Why would I buy real ones for 600 dollars if I could just buy these for 20?"
"..."
I'm not very good at that. Talking. To women.
Louis and Gurb were in the smoking area now. It was less blue than the dance floor itself. My clothes already stank, so a visit to the smoking area couldn't hurt. "These people are so underground!" Gurb shouted. Louis was filming him with his phone. "These people..." There was a brief pause. As if Gurb forgot the only line he had. "...so underground!" All three of us burst into laughter. The alcohol flowed through our veins as if it came from the purest mountains. People seemed doubled and the room was full. We had been in the same club in Berlin for several hours.
"Leonardo! What are you hiding from the big boss?" I sometimes called Louis ‘DiCaprio.’ "You a rich guy, now?" I said, with an accent as if I were from the Bronx.
Louis started laughing. "Eh, you know nothing. Bullshit talk."
I had to laugh too. What was I even worried about? Friends are friends, with or without money. That shouldn't matter. Louis probably just worked for that money. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. Maybe he just had enough to buy rounds. But what if my gut feeling was right? That feeling was never wrong. Except for that one time at the Holland Casino in Groningen. Even the best of us have slip-ups. I was just getting worked up again. When it comes down to it, Louis is one of the sweetest guys I know. I had to let it go. After all, it's still Louis.
"I think I'm going to have sex soon, man," Louis said.
"With who?" I asked immediately.
"That one girl."
"Which one?"
"The one with the boobs."
"Oh, her. Just be careful."
"What kind of reaction is that?" Louis asked indignantly.
I'd only had four drinks, but I was acting like a mess. Louis was right. I didn't understand myself. Where was my head at? I'm here in Berlin, supposed to be having the time of my life, but here I am feeling lonely and sad again. Joost once again couldn't control his emotions.
"Sorry," I suddenly said to Louis. "Sorry for my behavior. Been acting dumb towards you all night. It's unnecessary." Sometimes I have that. Mood swings. "Know that crime is never the solution. We've talked about this so many times. Yes, it's tempting and sometimes easy money. I sometimes find it amusing too, but it's always hypothetical. Ask me for help. I can help you, even with illegal things. I'll always have your back." The dancing was kind of over.
The words I had just placed on Louis's plate came from my heart. My Frisian, irregular boys' heart.
Crying in the club. I had never seen myself like that. Crying, yes. In the club, no. I never understood the taboo around crying. Or emotions in general. I saw myself in the mirror. They weren't tears of joy. They weren't tears of sadness either. It was me letting everything go. All the emotions I had ever felt. The emotions I felt between my brother and sister and myself because they wanted to take on a parental role over me, but I was in puberty, so I pushed them away. The emotions I felt when my old neighbors were supposed to take care of my dog, but didn't tell me that he was bitten by one of their dogs. They didn't have money for the surgery, they later told me. They were ashamed of their lack of money. My dog died from this injury. Even the emotions that were all jumping at once during the retake for my swimming diploma A, I let go of.
No emotions. Just for a moment, not feeling anything. Is that too much to ask for?
"You still don’t smoke?"
It had to be the voice of the woman with the cigarettes. I looked over my shoulder through the mirror. It was her. The one with dark blond, silky hair.
"Not to be rude, but this is the men’s room," I said. She took a step closer and kissed me on my lips. It tasted like more. We started kissing. It had been a while since I had had female contact at this level. It probably didn't look good and it didn't feel good either. She started kissing my neck. Slowly, I noticed the pressure in the erectile tissues of my penis starting to increase. "I really don't have time for this!" I thought to myself. The woman with the cigarettes started to slowly sink down until she was on her knees. I didn't want this. Not now, not like this. She unraveled my penis from my Polo Ralph Lauren underwear. Her tongue was blue. It was probably from cheap shots of alcohol.
Was this real beauty then? Was this the beginning or the end of her story? And had I become the boy my parents hoped I would be? I thought about the fact that this was once someone's little daughter. Somewhere in the world, an old man might be wondering what his daughter is doing. Am I really putting pleasure above my own morals and values?
With my semi-erect circumcised penis still exposed, I lifted her up. After giving her a kiss on her forehead, I pulled up my pants and left the toilets.
It was the usual last hour in any club ever. I met Louis and Gurb at the bar. "Should we have another drink?" I asked Gurb. "I feel like having a cocktail. Something sweet. Lots of sugar. What about you?"
Gurb looked at the menu. "A cognac would go down well right now."
"A cognac? You're only nineteen!" Gurb and Louis laughed. "Two Tequila Sunrises please!" I called to the bartender. "Also, two beers! Thanks!" I also got a beer for Louis. At first, I didn't want to, but I didn't want to spoil the mood either. Besides, I didn't want to show too much that it bothered me so much.
We danced away the last minutes. The club closed, and we decided to walk with the group of Swiss girls. Apparently, they were staying nearby.
As I lagged behind the group, one of them tried to start a conversation with me. "Are you okay?" she asked kindly.
"I'm fine. Just had too much beer. Makes me sleepy." Not true at all, but I've heard people say that.
"You’re tired? The fun has only just began!" And as she said this, she pulled something out of her inner pocket. Her clenched fist, shielded by a half jacket. Who is this girl, anyway? I thought to myself. She opened her hand flat, and right in the center of her palm lay two small pills with a smiley face on them. At least, they looked like it.
"Oh, I don’t do drugs. Sorry."
"Me neither!" And she swallowed a pill. "Now it’s your turn... Or are you scared?"
Scared? Who did this crazy Swiss witch (with really beautiful eyes) think she was. With her "are you scared". I'll show her who's scared.
"Scared? I’m not scared." I picked up the remaining pill and swallowed it.
Everything went in slow motion. Was this who I had become? Was this the same boy from high school? And just before I could swallow, I spat out the pill. She was shocked. I picked up the pill again, dried it with my jacket, and put it back in her fist. "Maybe later!" I shouted, running back to the group, over my shoulder.
I have nothing to say to 9 out of 10 peers I come across. Of course, I can be social. I can also have fun with random people in random situations, but that night, it just tired me out. I also didn't understand what we were doing there. Those girls found me strange anyway. Suddenly, I was the fifth wheel.
"We know this place where they go until 7 in the morning!" The girl leader of the group spoke. I wanted to go home. "If you guys want, you can go. Don't worry about me," I said to Gurb and Louis. The boys had a brief discussion. We agreed to stay for just a little while longer for some drinks. I consented. I was thirsty. "I'll have a Fanta, Louis."
Gurb had reached the last cigarette in his pack. Louis and a girl from the group were nowhere to be found. It didn't even bother me. This guy just walks around with some cash in his pocket and all hell breaks loose. After a night full of stimuli, I understood Louis. Of course, I understood Louis. He's a young god. Handsome, smart guy. But that didn't make me any less angry. It was purely about trust for me. Something inside me said I should stop subconsciously expecting things from people too. It prevents disappointment.
"Hotel please!" I jokingly suggested to Gurb. "Should you call Louis or should I?" I added. Gurb immediately grabbed his Android smartphone and called Louis. He put the call on speaker.
"Are you ready?" Gurb asked.
"Yeah. Sort of."
"What do you mean?"
"We didn't have sex."
"That's fine, right? Tomorrow's a new day!"
"I think I'm in love, man," Louis said.
"...," Gurb said, chuckling as he let out a sigh.
Once we arrived at the girls' hostel, it was already getting light. Louis was thankfully back. There were stains on his pants, around his knees. My focus was solely on arranging a taxi. Although the boys were still flirting, I was really done now. "How are we going to pay for this taxi?" I said a bit too loudly.
There was a silence. "Don't worry. I still have cash," Gurb said.
"Yeah, I knew you would," I replied.
My words clearly hit Louis. "What do you mean by that?" he said.
It was as if time stood still for a few seconds. "Exactly what I said. Better listen." Louis pulled out a small wad of green bills from his pocket. At least 400 euros. "I don't even want to see that money," I reacted. I walked away.
I'll just order a taxi myself.
"Why are you walking away now?" Gurb said.
"Twelve hours ago, I was alone too, and I had a lot more fun then."
"Do you really want to know how I got this money?" Louis said.
Yes, I did want to know. My whole evening revolved around that damn money.
He took a second of pause before he began speaking. "The answer lies in the Mini."
What on earth could be in Gurb's mother's car? Louis was trying to get into my head. "Taxi!"
Once in the taxi, the division was clear. Gurb was upfront, chatting animatedly with the driver. All adventures ever were recounted. Louis and I in the back. One of my best friends since I was thirteen. Funny how things turn out. It was quiet between us. I was in my head, rehearsing how I would bring up the money again. It didn't add up, and he knew it himself. "I don't care, you know," I said, hoping he'd break.
"What don't you care about?"
"About that money."
"What money? You're really a crazy woozy man." Louis burst out laughing again.
On the other hand, it was silent. Gurb had started talking about the driver's family. The driver didn't appreciate it. Gurb meant well. The driver smelled of alcohol. Or was it me? His nails were polished. Maybe his wife was a specialist. I bite my nails myself. Like now.
"In the Mini, oh yeah."
"Shut up. Illegal man."
"You'll never know."
"Stop playing. Just say it!"
Louis grabbed my head, pulled himself towards me, and brought his mouth to my right ear. "Why so serious?" he whispered. He didn't want to tell me.
"But always with this damn money, huh?" I almost shouted at Louis. I broke every silence within a radius of 10 kilometers.
"I'm trying my best, bro. It is what it is. I can't make it any different," he replied. It was clearly bothering him deeply. He ran his hands through his hair. "Sometimes people have to do things. And you know that better than anyone. Sometimes they have to do things they don't really want to or aren't supposed to do."
I knew this spiel all too well. Through all the drunken haziness, I suddenly saw a small glimmer of light. A tiny spark of sincerity. Louis was serious this time.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to involve you in this. I'm sorry," sweat dripped from his forehead.
"You're serious, huh? Damn, man. What mess have you gotten yourself into now? Worse than Terschelling?" Worse than Terschelling would mean stolen goods. Maybe even violence.
"It's not what you think."
"The Adlon Hotel, right?" the driver chimed in. Always saved by the bell, that Louis.
Suddenly I hit my head against the seat in front of me. Of course, I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. The last thing I saw was Gurb waking up in panic from his drunken stupor. One by one, I started losing my senses. It started with the feeling in my fingers. For a brief moment, everything wasn't quite black, and I could only see a vague pattern of colors repeating inside my eyelids. You could compare it to the brief moment after the commercial break before the movie starts in the cinema. The movie was about to begin.
I knew I wasn't dying. At least not yet. Not like this. Not after an overall mediocre night out in Berlin. I found comfort in the image I forced myself to see. It was all in my head. There I was, unconscious.
I saw myself in a third-person point of view. It wasn't like I was actually leaving my body. More like there was a webcam hanging in one of the upper corners of the taxi.
As a child, I used to dream a lot about death. Nights spent awake.
At some point, I developed a kind of compulsive behavior. I kept swaying my torso from left to right with my hands under my head. It became almost like a workout before bedtime. Every night.
I called it dream shuffling. Just like I had learned to shuffle puzzle pieces or playing cards. Making things a little exciting for yourself. But what I almost never told anyone was that I was scared. I was afraid of burglars, who were very agile and muscular.
Especially afraid that they would murder me. I really wanted to know what death was like. It scared me.
These fear visions originated during an all-inclusive vacation in Turkey. I was 6 years old and already in bed. There was a big old TV in our hotel room, so I could secretly watch TV from bed. Every evening, my parents sat on the balcony. Here they discussed their day while enjoying a glass of alcohol. There was a Japanese animated series on TV. In the few seconds that I watched, I saw a scary creature climbing a sort of apartment complex via the balconies. The creature had hundreds of teeth and blond hair. It quickly entered to decapitate the people, then drained them and, as a final insult, robbed them. Dozens of carcasses of dead people were scattered around the apartment complex. The complex on TV resembled the resort where we were in reality, and the TV world merged with my surroundings. I became part of it. I saw people watching. No matter how loudly I screamed for help, they didn't react. The sun became very bright, and the people turned into nothing more than shadows. As the intensity of the sun increased, something became clear to me. These were not people. They had a sort of orange skin. Where I had previously thought it was their nose and mouth, it turned out that these shadowy figures did not have such physical features. They simply had three holes in their heads. The police tried to do something, but in vain. Since then, we always kept the light on in the hallway outside my bedroom. By rocking back and forth, from left to right, I could glance fleetingly at the beam of light under the door. That bit of light, escaping from the hallway into my room, gave me an advantage. It allowed me to stay one step ahead of the burglars. Pretty smart, right?
"From Jamaica to the world!
It’s just love. Why must the children play in the street?"
It was Bob Sinclar with "Love Generation" speaking to us through the taxi's speakers. We were stationary. I was conscious again, but I didn't feel alive at all. "How long was I out?" I asked Louis.
I could tell by his expression that he was relieved. Relieved that I was back. "One minute," he almost apologized. Louis gave me a pat on the shoulder. Gurb, on the other hand, was sleeping. He slept like a baby cub.
I put my right index finger on my forehead. It felt wet, but it wasn't blood. Blood feels different. Meanwhile, I kept hearing whistling.
"Be the love generation! Oh yeah!" It was still that same song by Bob Sinclar.
The earlier scent of alcohol had now been replaced by the smell of incense. It smelled like the same incense I had in my room. Sold to me as Tibetan 39 incense. I had bought it at a coffee shop in Rotterdam. I pulled up my notes on my phone. "Who lights incense in a CAR????" I let Louis read from my screen. He took the phone from my hands and started typing as well.
"Look at Gurb >>>" Gurb was so deeply asleep that his head drooped. His seatbelt held his torso in place, but his head ended up on the driver's shoulder. The man didn't mind. He didn't move. I made eye contact with the driver through the rearview mirror, and soon I found him. He winked at me.
We arrived at the hotel. Gurb awakened from his alcoholic hibernation. "Who's going to pay for the taxi?" I asked. Clearly rhetorical. I already knew I would take this one for the team, as usual. I refused to use Louis's money. It was uncomfortably quiet. "By card please," I said.
"I'll always protect you, Louis. You really need to know that. I care about you like my own little brother. I'll always try to help you. But you have to be honest with me. Can you do that?" Louis didn't hesitate.
"Yes. Yes, I can. I'll show you. It's really in the Mini." Meanwhile, the taxi driver's card machine indicated that I had insufficient funds. That couldn't be right. Maybe I had withdrawn too much that evening.
"I have cash in the hotel room," Gurb said to me. Gurb informed the driver in broken English that he would go get his cash. The driver agreed. Money is money, whether it comes now or later. As long as it feels good in your hands.
Louis and I got out of the taxi. "You're not going to light a cigarette now, are you?" Louis wanted to smoke. "Especially for stress. That's really for people who can't handle pain. You need to feel pain. Pain needs to brand you for the rest of your life so you finally learn not to do such stupid things." It fell silent again. My blood boiled. All pots were on the stove. I felt like Gordon Ramsay in the kitchen. "Show me then. Do it."
Louis remained silent and walked around the corner of the hotel. Towards the parking lot. I followed him. "You're not going to find much," said Louis.
"Why not? Are you a magician?"
"No. Just. Not much."
"So there's suddenly magically nothing in Gurb's car?"
"Stop. Get out. Get out of my head!" Louis shouted. Louis had had enough. He was done with the parade. Normally we dealt with hypothetical stories. Only this time it wasn't a joke. I was sure now. Louis had dropped his mask. The revolution had begun. The government had fallen and the dikes had broken. The people were in charge. "You shouldn't freak out like this. Always wanting more. Sweet boy, think about yourself."
After Gurb gave the money to the driver, he came to us. He had a smile on his face, lit a cigarette, and exclaimed, "Brothers!" Once with us, he hugged me. He started laughing. "Maybe I haven't been entirely honest either." Sometimes Gurb seemed like a 38-year-old man. In a positive way. He exuded confidence in a way I didn't often see. Affectionate, with a hint of authority.
We stood in the middle of a large parking lot. "Look. We've reached a point where I might not even care anymore. You guys are teasing me." It did matter to me. Maybe more than ever. I was supposed to be two steps ahead of them, but I couldn't figure it out. "I give up."
The delightful silence returned. Louis and Gurb looked at each other. "You guys win. Apparently, I'm not to be trusted as a friend."
From Louis's expression, I could tell he disagreed with this. "Not true. Come to the car."
We arrived at the car. Louis unlocked it and searched for the trunk button. Gurb had started his third cigarette. "It's a corpse, isn't it? Say it now. I can still help you. I can still help us. I can book a ticket for you. We can get you out of here," I said to Louis.
"Just wait. Nutcase."
"Why won't you accept my help?"
Louis started laughing nervously. Or at least it seemed that way. Perhaps a sly laugh too. Had Louis killed someone? "It's not a corpse. That can't be. You wouldn't be stupid enough to use their ID. You're smarter than that. So it must be something stolen. Haven't you found that button yet?"
Suddenly, we heard a click. Louis had found the button. Somewhere, I didn't want to know. Shouldn't I just trust Louis? Wasn't that the whole point of friendship?
Finally, the moment had arrived. I placed my right hand in the slot of the rear hatch. Something in me doubted. Still. I still doubted. Louis looked dead serious. "You wanted to know, didn't you? Then you also have to be man enough to accept it." Louis was clearly not joking. Or was he acting again? "Pussy," Louis said. I looked away. "You're afraid of what's inside, huh? You're afraid of the real Louis." He began to laugh manically. "Open that thing, man. Nutcase!"
I started laughing too. Why did I make such a big deal out of it? Sweat broke out from every pore in my body. It was even a bit damp in the no man's land between my scrotum and my anus. A tropical climate. It had been quite an adventure the whole evening. I took my hand off the rear hatch and first gave Louis a hug. Not some half-hearted birthday wish. No, a real hug.
"It's okay, buddy," Louis said to me. I had no idea what he meant by that. It fit the moment though.
It was really time now. I opened the rear hatch.
"Where is it?"
"In front of you," said Louis.
"In some secret compartment?"
There was nothing in the trunk. Absolutely nothing. An empty trunk. For an empty evening, in an empty Berlin, with an empty group of guys. I didn't get it.
"You won, man," I whispered. "You finally fucking done did it."
I couldn't believe my eyes. Empty? There was still nothing in the car. Louis just stood there. Emotionally, I was a wreck. I had felt every emotion this evening. Seen every color and smelled every scent. I was done. My body was ready. No longer needed. My mission was complete.
"But why did you do this?" I asked Louis, laughing.
He scratched his chin. It felt like the end of a bad movie.
"I sold our Playstation. Wanted to tell you only after I had sorted everything out again. I terminated my lease. Had some debts, and I also wanted to have some money for once. Once not empty-handed in the club. Once not dependent on my best friends. This is not who I am... I know how much that Playstation meant to you. It was ours together. I should have just told you."
"… and how does Gurb actually make his money?"

TLDR - much older female colleague built up fantasy relationship and caused havoc. If someone is inappropriate at work report it instantly.
This happened several years ago when as a 25 year old man I was stalked and harassed in a serious way by a 40 year old woman at my previous workplace. Office job in the UK and she was brought in via agency 3 years after I'd started (permanent contract which will be important later) and was maybe 7 or 8 seats away from where I sat.
The team was 30ish people so there were people who I worked with who I rarely interacted with not related to work. She was one of them. We weren't friends or friendly.
A week before the teams Christmas do (out in town not an official event) and out of the blue she messaged me on the work platform asking would I be going. Told her I wasn't due to a family birthday and thought nothing of it. The family member then got sick and I ended up attending the Christmas do and she did not.
After that everything went crazy.
When we returned to the office after Christmas she was on holiday in Spain but we were told that she had been moved to sit next to our boss, 30 year old female and team leader also 30 year old female. Didn't think anything of it or relate it to the works do but was pretty distracted by the extremely explicit naked pictures she'd emailed to my work email. I deleted them immediately and was conflicted as to what to do. I'd recently split from my long term girlfriend who also worked in the business and did not want to be going to IT about explicit pictures on my email account.
After work I confided in my brother about it, as he also worked there, and although he found it hilarious he advised me to message her on social media telling her not to do that. Terrible advice, if in this situation report it immediately. I however added her on a media platform and sent a message to the effect of please do not do that again I could lose my job. She immediately shut down the account.
When she returned she never approached me or spoke to me but over the next few weeks I was coming in to post it notes in my drawers, cakes at my desk and gestures you might expect from a partner but this was a woman I'd barely spoken to. I tried a different approach this time and just ignored them and would leave them where they where untouched hoping she'd get the hint but people next to me had started to notice. I was telling them I didn't know who was doing it as I felt bad for her and didn't want to out her to everyone.
What I didn't know, was that she was actually telling a group of women around her, including my team leader and manager, that we had been dating since the Christmas do, after which I'd supposedly gone back to hers. All of this was a complete fantasy. I can't prove it and they denied it but I'm almost positive that some of the things being put on my desk had the co-operation of my manager at the time.
She then reactivated the social media account and had started to send messages in the early hours of the morning at the weekend. I didn't reply to any and asked a police woman friend what I should do who advised logging everything she was doing, times and dates, and take it to my managers manager. I started doing this.
Before I could go to my managers manager however I was pulled aside by HR and my manager as the stalker had accused the 40 year old married co worker I sat next to of sexually assaulting her in the train station and that I was the only witness. She'd come up with some complete nonsense of him pushing his private parts against her when hugging her goodbye and making a lewd comment along the lines of what was she going to do about it. Of course I as the knight in shining armor "boyfriend" had pulled him off her and we'd got into a fantasy altercation.
Livid, I told them everything that had been going on, had to vehemently deny that I was in any sort of relationship with the woman and have my manager try to tell me she believed I was and that I needed to be honest as this was now a serious issue. They suspended my co worker, who had worked there for 20 years, and threw a grenade in his marriage and reported it to the police. I was telling them over and over that I wasn't there, that I got a lift home not the train and flat out did not think this could or had happened. The following Monday I came in to a gift box of shortbread on my desk and finally lost my temper and went straight to HR and asked for a face to face meeting with HR present.
I told her that we weren't in a relationship, we never had been and I wanted her to stop bringing me gifts and sending me messages. She never said a word and stared out of the window the entire time until HR asked is there anything she'd like to say to me at which point she looked me dead in the eye and said "I just want to be friends". Was awful, I told her that I wanted her to leave me alone or I would go to the police.
After that everyone knew what was going on and everything started to come out then, anyone I was close to or friendly with she had been telling malicious and bizarre lies about, the guy who gave me a lift home had tried to run her over, my ex had grabbed her in the toilet and told her to stay away from me, my brother had been sending her explicit messages. It was a Web of lies about everyone I knew. Some had been reported to HR and people had no idea.
Finally a woman on another team had sat next to her on the train home and she'd told her how the co worker she'd accused of sexual assault hadn't done anything but that she didn't think he was good for me to be around and she was hoping he'd get sacked. She made other outlandish claims and threats including that she'd like to stab a female colleague I was friends with. This woman was so alarmed that she reported her the next day and the business finally seemed to realise she was nuts. I was taken aside and assured that she was being let go and that she'd admitted that my co worker had never touched her and that wasn't going any further.
Being on agency they let her go immediately, however my manager can't have disclosed to the agency/business why she was let go as within a week it came up on a work email that she'd accepted a role as HR administrator covering maternity! I had to go to HR and tell them that if they gave her the job I'd consider legal action. They didn't employ her in the end.
That's mostly the end of it other than bizarre online stuff like changing her FB name to my surname, getting friend requests from no profile picture accounts with names of my colleagues and sometimes long rants from these accounts saying that now we aren't working together maybe we can finally be together. Slowed down to maybe once every 3 month I'd get something like that before it stopped maybe 2 years after she'd been let go.
Apologies that was so long but I've never really put it into words before. It absolutely was not taken seriously by the business and everyone around me thought it was a big joke until she accused my co worker of SA. It was much worse for him and I felt hugely guilty that he was dragged into this and can't imagine what he went through. But also thank god she included me in the accusation as it then fell in on itself. I wish I'd reported it the moment she sent explicit images but I was 25 and didn't want everyone at my work to think I was involved with an unattractive (not that it would have made it better but honestly i didnt want anyone to think i was involved with her) much older woman.

I (28 f) have a part-time office job. My colleagues include Matt (25 m), Helen (40 f), Jenny (50 f) and the boss' son Andy (45 m). I've known Helen for about 8 years and Andy since I was at school, as I actually did my school work experience with my current job.
Last week, we had a work event that our boss gave us (me, Andy, Matt and Helen) a lift to. While we were in the car, the topic of a couple we all know came up. This couple are due to get married very soon. The couple have a relatively big age gap - she is 46 and he is 34. Our boss said something along the lines of "it's quite a big age gap, isn't it?" I then said "I don't think anyone would think much of it if the genders were the other way around. And it's not like they met when he was, say, 19/20 and she was 32. At that point it's a bit dodgy, but he was in his 30s so I don't really see an issue." There seemed to be general agreement and the conversation moved on.
A few days later, the only people in the office were me and Helen. Andy was on annual leave for his wife's birthday, Jenny was on holiday and the boss and Matt were at a work event all day.
I'd forgotten why Andy was actually off, so asked Helen. Helen reminded me it was Andy's wife's (Emily) birthday. It was Emily's 28th. At which point I said "that's a big gap?" given Andy is 45. She said "They've been together years. They met at uni." It turned out Andy had been in his mid-late thirties and Emily had been 19. Oh and "she's quite young" i.e. immature for her age. We agreed that Andy was also quite young for his age.
It then occured to me what I'd said in the car earlier in the week....
TL;DR I stated that age gap relationships were fine as long as they didn't start when the younger partner was late teens/early 20s, and it turns out that is exactly the scenario of a colleague and his wife.

To start socializing more, I (26F) have a bestie night with my gal (25F) twice a month. When I was single 7 years ago, we were hanging out for several hours, had no time limit, could talk for hours just sitting in the car. I love those times with my bestie. But when I got into a relationship, this stopped. It was hard trying to juggle husband (26M) and gal at the same time, then when we got married, I was socially distant. I didn't blame anyone. I just knew I put more focus on my relationship and kept going back and forth with my friendship, where we wouldn't talk for months, then hang out nonstop for a while. Well, currently, I'm trying to keep up the hangouts by twice a month. She is my only friend I am this close with.
Well, there's one main issue with my husband. He gets abandonment anxiety that I try my best to quell, but I always put in my in-person conversations over talking to him on the phone. Such as last minute, hour-long meeting with my Regional Manager. I, of course, didn't answer my personal phone even when he called me 14 times after I told him my relief shift was late.
Well, our current situation is my visits with my bestie, I get into this argument all of the time with my husband. And it feels like I'm being pulled both ways. This just happened today.
8pm. I message him while he's asleep that I'm leaving for the movie with Gal.
He wakes up and messages around 9pm. before heading into work for his overnight shift. I don't reply. Just memes and hope I have a good night. Nothing major. I do not check my phone from this point forward.
The show ends at 10/11ish. We start talking in the car. We were supposed to figure out food plans, but things went all of the place, and now we are talking about family trips and birthdays.
Midnight. I think my phone vibrated, but I had it on vibrate for the movie. I didn't check it, as it could be several conversations, when I was just enjoying the vibe with my friend. I don't like being on my phone in front of the company, especially when I only see her twice a month.
Finally, he calls around midnight. Before he speaks, I try to cut it short, "Hey babe, I'm still out hanging out with Gal. I'm okay, and we are still figuring things out, but we are talking right now. Love you. See you later."
He cussed while hanging up, then from midnight to 1am, he went from "Whatever. I appreciate the go fuck your self attitude." To "Love you. Goodnight." No replies from me
1am. So he calls again while I'm ordering food from the bar (I only had 2 drinks, just got appeziter before they closed). I don't answer and send him a message "Bar Loud trying to order food before last call talk to you later love you."
He then continues the same messages about not wanting to argue but he's still pissed. "Can we talk. You blowing me off pissed me off. Wtf I thought you didn't have money?"
I told him I'm stressed about doing everything I want this weekend, this included hanging out with Gal.
"Well I don't want to bum you out and you don't want to talk so let's talk later."
I replied with please don't bum me out right now love you.
He replied with "not going to argue, to tired of that, just kinda felt like a fuck you." Then another hour later "grandma is okay. You sleep well. Love you."
Grandma...(F94) he added that at the end. So a day ago we learned she has covid, but his mother taking care of things. Mother says no change in condition since grandma had it last week but not getting better. So from morning of today to midnight, nothing changed, and he felt like it was urgent to the point of me and him mad at each other to tell me his grandmother hasn't changed in her condition. Good she hasn't gotten worse, but I felt like he was trying to use that as the reason why he wanted to talk, even tho no update has happened. I don't know.
So I feel like I'm an asshole since he has anxiety while I have always been the person who does last minute things before heading home, such as last minute groceries, but I still answer my phone, I just tell him.im grabbing ingredients for dinner tonight and I'm trying to check out.
Lately things have been more communicated, since we are doing classes and must arrive on time. So this hasn't been an issue lately, he knows I'll message him when I leave work, I will call if I plan on stopping somewhere, etc. At least 70 percent of the time. I'm trying to be better, but not quite 100. Especially when my last minute boss meeting happened.
But I don't like feeling rushed, I don't like feeling I have to entertain Husband while he's bored at his job every Friday night. Every Friday when I'm off, he wants my attention. And when I'm out with my friend? It's like the worst. I rather go to work and have him message me his "How are you" message every 30 minutes like normal than dealing with him on my visits with my friends.
You know I'm going to my friends. I don't want to tell you when I'm coming home exaclty because then you will expect that, and will constantly call me when it's past that time. But also let me just enjoy my time away. When I hang out with Chick I normally hang out long enough to get a painting done or when I get bored. When I hang out with Gal it's when I start falling asleep on her. I don't go into friend hangout and think oh I'm only going to hang out for an hour, no, I'm going to hang out until my energy levels are affected.
But he doesn't seem to understand I can be awake and not interact with him for more than 2 hours. Even at work. Even with family. Even with friends. Even on my days off. .
I want to be OK with his anxiety but I don't want this chokehold, and tried of me telling him explanations for why I'm late, and now I feel like I'm in trouble.
Even Gal noticed my change in behavior and asked me to put my phone down. But I couldn't think of anything else for the ride home. I just hate the thought I can't have time away untimed, but when I try to explain this to my husband he just sees his side, or when he does apology, it's the same thing next visit with Gal, nothing changed.
Edit: now that it's morning time and I realized I made a few mistakes in remembering details.
Boss event. So five minutes before I was supposed to get off my shift, my relief called saying she had popped her tire so she wasn't sure when she was coming in. I message my husband I'm waiting on my relief. I didn't explain details. I just said Im waiting on Lady. From that point to 30 minutes after my shift, I worked non stopped as my supervisor left, leaving me the only one. Then my relief came in, but also the regional manager. I saw the regional manager and asked if he got my email about my supervisior, he did, and let's talk about it. So I went from manning the shop to the back office with the boss to speak about my current issues with my Incompetent supervisior (my husband knows me and my supervisior isnt on good terms so i been informing my managers about this situation, as im tired of having to show my supervisior how to cashier or use work devices, making it feel like im babysitting him even tho supervisior been here for a year). My phone kept ringing, but it was vibrating, so I just kept it in my pocket. After the meeting ended, it's been two hours. My coworker explained she heard from my husband, but after 15 minutes, he still continued trying to call me after he spoke to my coworker. I called him immediately as I was clocking out as things just ended up happening where I got stuck working, and this turned into a meeting with the boss.
I looked back at my messages and realized I didn't really say why I was waiting on Lady, I just said I was waiting and no responses afterwards. So I understood why he freaked out, but 14 phone calls felt like overkill, and in my mind, I believed I said more about Lady's tire, but I was rushing to message him to get back to work, so I didn't explain clearly. Plus, he got information from Lady when he called my job, then waited 15 minutes, then began trying to contact me once again. I felt I did what I could why I was work bound, I could've explained Lady's situation better, but I was rushing.
Second thing: the show began at 9pm, but the doors were opened early. So me messaging him at 8pm that I was leaving for the movie. At 8:30pm I turned my phone on vibrate and didn't check my phone at this point, I had several people texting, so I wasnt on alert to look at my phone, since it wasnt like I had to wait for an important message while I was at the show. So these messages he sent afterwards werent seen until the phone call. He message good morning at 8:45pm. At 9:05pm he message he's at work and message whenever because he's bored (his job is watching cameras). At 9:45pm he messaged a meme. At 10:15pm he messaged I love you. At 10:30pm he messaged Call me when you get home. At 10:35pm he messaged maybe on an event I shared with him. At 10:45pm and 11pm and 11:15pm he sent emojis. At 11:15pm he finally called me and this was when I told him I'm good but I'm talking to Gal talk to him later. From this point forward he sent the messages about blowing him off like I said in my original post.
I was out of the show by 10:30pm or so. I didn't turn my phone back on, I didn't check my phone, I just walked to her car and put my purse on the floor of the car, expecting us to walk down the road for food (we had souiver cups that we wanted to put back in the car and we were in a shopping district so we didnt really have to drive around), she started smoking, so it went from trying to figure out food to let's sit down to let's talk. So I got comfy and we started talking about our summer plans, how she's going out for her birthday, how there's a wine event happening, to my birthday plans. Then at 11:15pm he called and I told him not now. I didn't check my messages, as now she's looking at me like I'm in trouble, and now I have to focus on my husband instead of enjoying our time together. She had issues before when I kept inviting my husband along when it was supposed to be girls only. Or when he calls me and now I have to talk to him for several minutes (she never complained, but it would turn the conversation from what we are talkjng about to oh are you and your husband ok?). So I just put my phone and continued on like nothing happened.
From 11:15pm to 12:15am, we attempted a bar, but it was last call in ten minutes, so we found another bar that was still opened.
Then at 12:15am he tried to call again to talk. This was when we were inside of the bar that was very loud. This is when I message him back about food, about rationing money for all of the weekend plans, and please don't bum me out.
Gal told me to put my phone down. This was supposed to be girl night. But at this point, my mood was sour. The bar staff were trying to clear things out and wasn't getting our order (I understand, but I was expecting it to stay open until 3am, not that there were only 3 bar staff running the place). So rest of this point forward, there wasn't the same vibe. When I got home at 1:30am, I messaged him goodnight. I'm home safe.
Final event: when I woke up this morning, he came in with breakfast. We talked light hearted until we got to the issues of last night. He didn't see wrong since he saw himself doing things in a good light, while I saw it as intruding on my time with my friend and then bumming me about it. I told him I been trying to get better about communicating my times such as when I'm going to work and when I'm leaving work, but please only expect two messages from me when I'm with my friend, saying that we are leaving, and saying that I'm on my way back home or I'm home. That I am always going to put face to face conversations over his bored at work phone calls. Such as when he messages me or calls me at work during our slow period, sometimes I will answer, but our slow period turns into a rush quickly and I won't message during rush until we get slow once again.
He made a comment that once again, he has to be the one to change because he's always in the wrong. I told him I just wished he understood. I feel like I gotta entertain him because of his anxiety, and I wished he understood when I have time with others, I don't want him intruding. I never expect messages from him when he's home because I know he's playing online with his friend. I still send messages, but I'm not calling him to ask how the game is doing or how his friend is doing or is he heading to bed yet. I just work. And maybe when I come back home, he will tell me then. I just sent messages from my coworker who said there's a meat sale at grocery shop B or there's this event this weekend. I don't expect him to reply to those messages. I just want this info shared to him before I forget.
I think we calmed down about this now. Hopefully he respects my boundaries when I'm with Gal or Chick or with family. And hopefully I can keep him updated with I'm doing last minute plans such as getting a car wash or forgotten groceries or heading to the bank.

Hi, how should I start this ok. Today I volunteered to do overtime at work. Mind you I’ve been doing overtime for a long while now. Different shift same job but different coworkers ok. I have a couple of friends there but that shift is known to be toxic because older coworkers can be very immature. Today we had a potluck for someone birthday at our department. It was our 15 minutes break and I was in different break room until one of my friend came to my table with potluck food. I ask her we have a potluck and she said yes but she shared to me that our lead told her to not let me know that we have a potluck. I felt extremely sad and mad because why would the lead single me out mind you there was other people doing overtime as well so I’m just confused. My other friend called me asking me where I’m at because there’s food for us but I politely declined because “I’m not in your team shift”. She gasped and annoying her phone was on speaker so the lead heard me.🙄. I saw the lead came running downstairs with a plate of food and she said “Dani please let me explain, I did said that but what I meant was you didn’t contributed so it wouldn’t be fair for the others who did”. Than my friend quickly said “I didn’t bring anything and I still able to get food from the potluck”. The Lead face looks so lost because she knew she fucked up. I told her “you said what you said and I appreciate your apology however I will not accept this plate so….” That’s what happened now I feel extremely uncomfortable and unwelcome because what did I do to ever get treated like this. Should I report to my boss or should I let it go.

Buckle up, guys, this is a long one.
Hello, I am currently 29F and the story I want to share here took place between the ages of 17 and 22. The story starts when I moved out of my mother's home at 17 in an effort to get away from having to watch her be abused by her alcoholic boyfriend (he got help and is turning into a pretty decent man and they are now married and happy) and moved from one state back to another. Initially, the plan had been to live with my Aunt/Cousins, but roughly a week before the move I was informed that I wouldn't be welcome in my Cousins home the way everyone else was because we "were too much alike and would end up butting heads". So in an effort to find somewhere to live I reached out to my best friend , a classmate from my previous time in said state that we'll call Entitled-A, and was accepted into her home to live alongside her and her mother, Enabler-R, and her brother, Abuser-Z. I never could have imagined that the person I thought was my friend would turn out to be the most entitled person I've ever known.
When I first moved in of course things were a little awkward and shaky, my childhood had left me dealing with trauma and mental health issues and their home was a new environment and I had always been more comfortable spending time alone until I felt at home in new spaces. After two weeks in their home I was informed that they found my behavior to be standoffish and rude, which I totally understood and I made an immediate effort to change and began spending all of my free time at Entitled-A's side because in the words of Enabler-R: "We invited you to stay here so that Entitled-A would always have a friend around, which isn't happening when you're spending all your time alone or with other friends without her" (I had met a friend at the local mall once without her). So anytime I went anywhere or did anything I made sure to include her, or at least invite her, unless I was visiting with my Aunt/Cousins which didn't happen often and anytime it did I would return to find Entitled-A angry and giving me the cold shoulder so I did it less and less often to avoid the conflict. I am now very aware that my instinct to avoid conflict led me to allow the behavior to continue and ultimately turned me into Enabler-J. This is the story of how I was shown my true worth and rescued from my extremely toxic relationship.
I worked at a convenience store immediately after graduation and was paying rent to continue living with their family. I was paying what I could from the very beginning by way of handing over the card that held the money my dad was paying in child support each week to Enabler-R to cover at least part of what it was costing her to feed me and get me through my graduation year but once I had a job my contribution increased exponentially along with helping to make sure Entitled-A had anything she "needed" from hair dye and takeout food to craft supplies and electronics when Enabler-R couldn't quite swing the cost. I was happy to do it, truly believed it was the least I could do, because I felt I owed them for taking me in as a teenager when they had no reason to do so. Of course, once I started paying rent I should have realized that I didn't really "owe" them anything extra but I wanted them to still want me around and gift giving is definitely one of my love languages. I absolutely spoiled Entitled-A, especially at birthdays and Christmases.
I didn't date much because anytime I left the house without Entitled-A I would have to deal with her being distant and cold for a few days before she would ultimately act as though nothing had ever happened and the emotional turmoil this out me through didn't seem worth it just to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. That being said, I did finally find two amazing friends when I was around 21, let's call them BigBoss and Kuabarra, that ultimately saved me from my situation, took me in, and became my family. Of course, from the moment I met them and began hanging out with them when I wasn't working Entitled-A seemed to almost hate them, even though she had never met them because she wasn't interested in doing so. I tried not to let it get to me and did not stop spending time with them, I was happy to finally have time out of the house, I loved every moment I spent with them even if all we ever did was drive around, and I didn't see why my social life should be an issue anymore because Entitled-A had gotten a boyfriend, DoucheCanoe-D (trust me, he deserves it), and was spending all of her free time with him and often slept over at his house for days at a time. I was honestly super happy for her because this was her first real committed relationship and she seemed really happy with him. We didn't spend much time together anymore, I didn't get invited to do stuff with them often and when they did invite me to join in whatever activities they had planned they tended to wait till the night before to ask me and got mad when I didn't automatically cancel my own plans to hangout with them, as though I was meant to be sitting around waiting for Entitled-A to want to include me, which to be fair I had been in the past. We tried planning small things like weekly watch parties for a TV show we all liked, and it worked for a while with Entitled-A, Enabler-R, DoucheCanoe-D, and myself having a nice meal and watching the show together, but it wasn't long before Entitled-A started requesting to skip weeks because she and DoucheCanoe-D had plans. I never made a big deal out of it and instead made plans of my own to fill the time, but the few times I asked to skip for reasons of my own I was met with hostility and "you used to want to spend time with us, it's like you're just someone who rents a room from us at this point, not a friend", which always hurt but also felt like a guilt trip and never made me cancel my other plans. From sharing stories of my experiences as Entitled-A's "friend" it was easy for Big Boss and Kuabarra to see that I was being emotionally manipulated and abused and once the toxicity was pointed out to me it was impossible to overlook it the way I had been for so long. I'm not perfect, I won't pretend that I never said anything hurtful to her during our arguments or that I was never inconsiderate of her feelings because to do so would be delusional, but I was a pushover and I had spent so long doing whatever Entitled-A wanted me to do that it was hard for me to break the cycle and to stop being Enabler-J so that I could eventually become the JessNLearned that I now love and respect and I never would have grown and moved on had it not been for Big Boss and Kuabarra having my back during the Epic Fallout, which played out as follows:
One night, Entitled-A, Enabler-R, Abuser-Z, DoucheCanoe-D, and myself were going out to dinner with Entitled-A's Uncle, who had recently been in a car accident that hasn't been his fault and had suffered brain damage that had changed him exponentially and had resulted in his inability to ever work again and a hefty settlement. Her uncle wanted to go to a popular buffet restaurant, which was fine with most of us both because it was the best way to ensure that everyone was able to eat and because it would be disrespectful to aruge when he was the one paying, but from where she sat next to me in the back steat of the van I could hear Entitled-A beginning to groan and complain under her breath because she wanted to go to a different, and much more expensive, restaurant that HAD been the plan at first but the wait for a party of our size had been far too long to hold out for when everyone was hungry. I've always been sensitive to the emotions of others, too sensitive and I've recently been working hard on not letting other people's mood effect me but at the time I hadn't even begun to make the progress that I have now, and even though I was upset about it rather than making a big deal out of her obvious anger at not getting her way by confronting her directly and ruining the night I instead chose to vent my frustrations at her grumpy mood over not getting the free meal that she'd hoped for in a text message to Big Boss that really SHOULD have never been an issue because they were my private messages. Boy was I in for a surprise.
A few weeks later we were having our watch party for the first time in a while and I suspected nothing out of the ordinary as we laughed and enjoyed a few of the episodes we had missed. I had plans after our watch party to spend some time with Big Boss and Kuabarra, just driving around and enjoying the night, but little did I know that an "intervention" of sorts was in the works. Once the show was over Abuser-Z, DoucheCanoe-D, Enabler-R, and Entitled-A all four turned to look at me and Enabler-R started by telling me that we "needed to have a talk". Apparently, DoucheCanoe-D had been reading my text messages over my shoulder in the van during the dinner out and had seen me venting over Entitled-As hateful behavior and had taken it upon himself to tell Entitled-A, Enabler-R, and Abuser-Z that I had been "bad-mouthing Entitled-A and had made fun of her Uncle and allowed Big Boss to talk badly about Entitled-A without defending her at all" which was a blatant lie, Big Boss had said "fuck her, don't let her ruin your night" which needed no defending and I had never even mentioned her Uncle apart from saying that I felt bad that he was excited to go to dinner with all of us and Entitled-A was pouting because she hadn't gotten the expensive dinner she'd wanted when he was the one paying for her meal. Of course when I defended myself, said that what he'd accused me of was untrue and that I was insulted that they would take the word of a man they had all known for less than a year over mine, someone they had called "family" and that his reading my private messages over my shoulder was disrespectful and had crossed a boundary, I was met with "see, I told you she would make herself the victim, she never takes accountability for her actions" and "why would he lie about you saying these things". It was never intended to be a discussion about what he had "seen", I was never intended to be allowed to speak my peace. I was expected to apologize and to stop spending time with Big Boss and Kuabarra because they were "bad influences" and had been turning me against the people who had "been there when I had no one else" and who "deserved to be more important". I did apologize for upsetting them, because even though I hadn't done most of the things he'd claimed I had been venting my frustrations about Entitled-A to another friend and I understood that doing so had hurt her, but I was not going to drop my friends. I was hurt, and angry, and devastated that they had not only seen no problem with DoucheCanoe-D invading my privacy and disrespecting my perfectly reasonable boundaries but they had also accepted every word he'd said as irrefutable fact no matter how little reason they had to believe that I would ever be so cruel as to make fun of a mentally disabled man that I had always liked and respected. I felt betrayed and when I left with Big Boss and Kuabarra, I was even more eager to keep my plans and get away for a few hours, I found myself sobbing as I recounted the story of how I had been ganged up on and talked down to for the last hour over who I was friends with. They were there for me and told me that I wasn't in the wrong, that DoucheCanoe-D was definitely the jerk for doing what he had done and that the rest of the family was even worse for turning on me so quickly and making me feel like I was disposable. This may not have been the first time they had made me feel like I was nothing more than Entitled-A's background character or sidekick, but it was the last.
I moved out soon after and now live with Big Boss and Kuabarra. They have a young son together whose life I am honestly honored to be a part of. I love that kid with my entire soul and I can't imagine a better family than the one I've found here. If it hadn't been for Big Boss and Kuabarra taking the time to show me that I deserved better and to point out the ways in which Entitled-A and her family had taken advantage of my people pleaser nature I likely would still be the same pathetic, depressed doormat waiting around for Entitled-A to dein to spend time with me again. That being said, years have passed and she's a mother now and I have to have hope that she's grown as a person, despite recent brief interactions giving me little reason to keep the faith, because otherwise I worry about the mental health of the tiny human she and DoucheCanoe-D are now responsible for growing into a fully functional adult.
I know this was sooo loooong but I have needed to get this out of my heart for so long and even if no one ever reads it I feel a sense of relief almost at having finally told my story. I have so many more examples of times Entitled-A made me feel as though I was betraying her by having my own life, and maybe someday I'll share more, but this story was long enough as it is, it doesn't need every example. Thank you to anyone who's taken the time to read my story and made it this far, I hope it wasn't boring.

I'm writing this because I have been dealing with some sort of déjà vu and/or premonitions the past 2+ months.
For context: I left a job in Feb/March to join another company. When I made the decision to leave my past job, I was driving on a road that normally has cars, but this time there were none. The sun was shining in my face and I felt relief/peace at that time. Almost, like I was headed in the right direction.
Before all of this, I did not have a religion that I identified with, but I did believe in a higher power.
Anyway, there was a night where I had dreams that were more vivid than usual. (Context: I generally have vivid dreams that I remember, and I do lucid dream at times. I also do not do drugs - I know it sounds like a trip, but it can't be.)
This dream was different. It was basically my future life on billions of tv screens showing every possible outcome in my near and distant future. With that many outcomes and directions, it's very difficult to remember the "perfect" combination to go down, right? I like to think so because I certainly have not, but I haven't gone down the worst paths either.
The déjà vu didn't hit me right away. There were times at my new job where I would sit in a virtual meeting and feel like… wow, I've worked here before right? I interviewed or worked on some project with these people. But I hadn't. I met with a few leaders in the company and that was it before being hired because I had previously worked with my boss at my last job. (Context: he was laid off and I took over leading the team. However, I joined because I believed in this leader and thought things would play out as he had said.)
Anyway, the following parts are events that I experienced over the past 2 months that were a part of that "night".

1. I started dating again after not dating since 2023. I met 3 women who I swear I went out with before, and had been to these date locations or their home in the past. That was not the case. I searched all my tracking data on apps, past text messages, etc. No digital record. Also, at one of the coffee shops, I remember yellow chairs, sure enough, all the chairs were yellow. \[I had never been to this café before.\]
   
2. I scheduled an uber when I arrived to Arizona for an event. He was on the other side of the airport so I canceled it and rebooked another driver. Well this driver opened up to me. I basically relived this experience from my dream.
   
3. I left my phone in a self-driving car in Arizona. In the dream, I told myself to grab the handle that was nearest to me when realizing I didn't have my phone, but I essentially did what I did in the dream. Which was go around the car to my door to see if my phone was there. It was, but it was too late to get it.
   a. During that time, strangers guided me to get my phone back somewhat quickly. Looking back on it, there were too many things to occur for it to be a coincidence.
   
4. I went to a hosted dinner in Arizona where other companies sponsored it with mine. I sensed a lot of evil in the room and temptation. Nothing illegal or illicit was going on, but it felt like people were peering into my soul and drooling. I know that sounds crazy, but the welcoming treat was one of my favorite snacks in the world. Since that evening, I can't stand to look at it. I did not take or consumer the baked good either. Anyway, I left the dinner less than 30 min into it because of what I was sensing. But, during that time, I did talk to a few people and no one had been drinking yet. (I don't drink.) Anyway, I met ran into 1 of those people the next day and he introduced himself to me like he had never met me. I didn't say anything of it.
   
5. Another night during this event, I took a phone call from a friend. I walked away from the dinner table which was outdoors. 100+ people were there. Anyway, apparently my boss made/took a call shortly after, and while I was on my call, looking down from the hill. He was keeping me in view. This is something that I remember vividly from the dream. Anyway, I came down the hill and as I'm walking down, he started to walk away as well, which seemed strange because I wasn't walking directly to him. \[The timing of him walking when he saw me walk down is what caught me by surprise.\]
   
6. At the same event, I ended up on stage for photos with prominent people in this industry. I shouldn't have been up there, but it happened. Again, this was in my dream. \[My boss seemed a little jealous of this, and I even offered him to take my spot or to see if I could get him a spot, but I didn't have any luck.\]
   
7. There were more events that occurred during this trip, like walking by myself after the dinner and sensing it was time for me to leave. I walked to the entrance of the resort and I sensed something was going to be there… well, there were ambulances and fire trucks.
   
8. The Friday I got back to my hometown, a friend who has recently found religion called me out of the blue. This is one that really stands out because of the emotion I felt in the dream. Anyway, I told him about what was going on and that his call was a sign/from my dream. I asked him if anything had urged him to call me and he said he had a feeling he needed to call me. This is someone I haven't talked to in 6-9 months. I didn't attend his wedding and basically ghosted him because I was really busy/stressed from my previous job. \[I know that was shitty, but there were other reasons like him asking for money ($10k)…) Anyway, I broke down crying and I remember the sense of relief/feelings that overwhelmed me from this event I feel like I relived.
   
9. Fast forward to my son's birthday. We went to a zoo that we had never been to together. So many things happened. Like, me getting a bloody nose in the same spot as my dream. I'm prone to getting bloody noses during this time of year, but déjà vu. Then, me taking pictures of my son that I swear I took before or experienced. Also, my son wanting to buy a "stuffy" at the gift store, and at one point he tried picky out a snake, which made my jaw drop because it was in the dream…
   
10. Work has progressively added more and more déjà vu moments. To the point that this week someone called 5/15 the ides of May, and someone in a meeting said this is déjà vu. Also, there are other things at work, but I do not want to share.
    
11. I've had conversations with friends recently where they have shared things about religion that we have never talked about.
    

I strongly believe had I not experienced these events before, I would be stressed to the limits. I'm bewildered if anything. I'm not sure how to interpret this or if anyone has experienced anything to this level. I know I have friends who have experienced moments of déjà vu/ premonitions, but nothing to this extent. If you read this and you have experienced anything like this, or if it moves you in anyway, please DM me or comment.
Thank you all :)

This is my first time posting in here, please understand.
i am with my company for 5+ years now. I worked with many different bosses but so far this is the most unreasonable one that i worked with.
(Current) boss randomly decided to call for a meeting. Their only agenda was they did not like when one of my teammates Jane (F) (fake name) gave a birthday gift for our other teammate (Jenny) (F) (fake name). During this meeting, Jane explained herself and said she gave the gift out of her own volition - meaning - no one told her to do it and she did not ask anyone else for money. Boss felt "left out" as they was not informed of this and he is taking it out on everyone.
Since this meeting, he wants to be looped in and informed everytime we are planning to buy a gift for one of our teammates.
Question now is - is the boss right by imposing this rule to the team or this is just pettiness?