“True happiness comes from the joy of deeds well done, the zest of creating things new.” Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Bio
Name: Taylor Bennett Armstrong	Date of Birth: 04/03/2024
Age: 15 years old	Gender: Demiboy
Sexual Orientation:	Nationality: Canadian
Ethnicity: Irish-Jewish	Languages: English, French, Japanese
Hometown: Toronto, Canada	Demigod Conundrums: ADHD

Family:

Name Relation Age Occupation Relationship ------------
Benjamin Armstrong Father 42 years old Artist Taylor shares a special bond with his father, Benjamin Armstrong. Despite being a single parent for much of Taylor's life, Benjamin always made sure to provide a loving and nurturing environment for his son. He recognized Taylor's unique talents from a young age and encouraged him to explore his creativity without limitations. Benjamin's own passion for art and innovation served as an inspiration for Taylor, shaping his worldview and igniting his love for invention. Benjamin supports Taylor's dreams and ambitions wholeheartedly, even if he doesn't always understand the mechanics behind his son's creations.
Eliza Armstrong Stepmother 43 years old Graphic Designer She brings a different perspective to Taylor's life. As a graphic designer, she values precision and order, which sometimes clashes with Taylor's more spontaneous and chaotic approach to creativity. However, despite their differences, Eliza cares deeply for Taylor and wants what's best for him. She worries about Taylor's safety and well-being, especially when his inventions go awry and cause unintended chaos. She often finds herself playing the role of the voice of reason, urging Taylor to think things through more carefully before diving headfirst into his next project. Despite their occasional disagreements, Eliza recognizes Taylor's potential and admires his boundless imagination and ingenuity.
Rachel Armstrong Half-sister 10 years old Student Rachel Armstrong, Taylor's half-sister, adores her older brother and looks up to him with wide-eyed admiration. From a young age, she was fascinated by Taylor's inventions and artistic talents, often trailing after him like a curious puppy, eager to learn and explore alongside him. Taylor sees Rachel as the most precious angel in the world and is very protective of her. He takes great joy in teaching her how to sketch, build, and code, fostering her own love for art and invention. Rachel, in turn, idolizes her big brother and cherishes their time together.

Appearance

Faceclaim: this Picrew Voiceclaim Walter from Spies in Disguise

Features	Description
Height	5’8 feet
Weight	157 lbs
Hair	Ginger
Eyes	Blue
Skin	Tan
Build	Lean, slim
Scent	Ink, paint, oil
Attire	Gamer Aesthetic

Overview: Ginger Hair: One of Taylor's most noticeable features is his vibrant ginger hair, which seems to have a life of its own. His locks cascade in untamed waves around his head, framing his face in a fiery halo. Despite occasional attempts to tame it, Taylor's hair always manages to retain its wild, rebellious spirit, reflecting his own untamed nature. Taylor's eyes are a mesmerizing shade of blue. They sparkle with curiosity and intelligence, constantly darting from one point of interest to the next. Across Taylor's nose and cheeks are scattered a constellation of freckles, like tiny stars dotting the canvas of his face. Despite his intelligence beyond his years, Taylor's face retains a youthful charm and innocence. His features are soft and rounded, with a hint of boyish mischief lurking behind his bright smile. There is a sense of wonder and curiosity in his expression, as if he is forever on the brink of discovering something new and exciting. Taylor's fashion sense is a reflection of his personality, blending comfort with a hint of geeky flair. He favors graphic t-shirts adorned with characters from his favorite video games, showcasing his love for gaming and pop culture. His hoodies are oversized and well-worn, providing both warmth and a sense of familiarity. Taylor's cargo pants are practical and utilitarian, offering plenty of pockets to store his tools and gadgets for tinkering. His sneakers are his constant companions, scuffed and worn from countless adventures and late-night gaming marathons.

Personality

“Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.” Dorothy Parker
Quality Traits Positive Optimistic, Creative, Kind-hearted, Spontaneous, Resilient Neutral Naive, Chaotic, Impulsive, Eccentric, Idealistic Negative Gullible, Overbearing, Impatient, Inattentive, Stubborn
Overview: Taylor radiates an infectious positivity that lights up any room he enters. He greets each day with boundless enthusiasm, seeing every challenge as an opportunity for adventure and growth. His optimism is unwavering, even in the face of adversity, and he has a knack for finding the silver lining in the darkest of situations. Taylor's sunny disposition makes him a joy to be around, and his genuine smile can brighten even the gloomiest of days. Taylor marches to the beat of his own drum, embracing his individuality with gusto. He has never been one to conform to societal norms or expectations, preferring to chart his own course through life. Taylor's free-spirited nature is reflected in everything he does, from his spontaneous inventions to his unconventional approach to problem-solving. He thrives on the freedom to express himself creatively, unbound by rules or conventions. Taylor's energy is boundless, and he approaches everything he does with an infectious sense of excitement and wonder. He is easily captivated by new ideas and experiences, often bouncing from one project to the next with the fervor of a child in a candy store. Taylor's excitable nature fuels his insatiable curiosity, driving him to constantly seek out new challenges and adventures. Despite his youthful exuberance, Taylor possesses a keen intellect far beyond his years. He is a natural problem-solver, able to think outside the box and come up with innovative solutions to even the most daunting of challenges. Taylor's mind is a whirlwind of ideas and possibilities, constantly buzzing with new inventions and artistic endeavors. His creativity knows no bounds, and he revels in the thrill of bringing his imagination to life. Taylor's intelligence and creativity have instilled in him a healthy dose of confidence, bordering on cockiness at times. He knows his worth and isn't afraid to show it, often speaking his mind with a brashness that can catch others off guard. However, Taylor's confidence is tempered by his humility and genuine humility. He is quick to acknowledge his mistakes and learn from them, never allowing his ego to overshadow his humanity. At the core of Taylor's personality is a deep well of kindness and empathy for others. He genuinely cares about the people around him and goes out of his way to help those in need. Taylor's compassion knows no bounds, and he often puts the needs of others before his own. He is quick to offer a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on, and his unwavering support has endeared him to many. Beneath Taylor's cheerful exterior lies a vulnerability that he often tries to conceal. He is sensitive to the opinions of others and fears being rejected or misunderstood. Taylor's insecurities stem from a desire to be accepted and valued for who he truly is, flaws and all. Despite his outward confidence, he struggles with feelings of loneliness and self-doubt, yearning for genuine connections and validation. Taylor's drive for excellence can sometimes border on perfectionism, leading him to be overly critical of himself and his work. He sets high standards for himself and is often disappointed when he falls short of his own expectations. However, Taylor's perfectionism is tempered by his resilience and determination to persevere in the face of failure. He sees each setback as an opportunity to learn and grow, refusing to let obstacles dampen his spirit. Taylor has a gift for communication, able to express his thoughts and feelings with clarity and sincerity. He is a natural storyteller, captivating audiences with his animated anecdotes and infectious enthusiasm. Taylor's ability to connect with others on a deep emotional level makes him a trusted confidant and valued friend. He listens intently to others, offering words of encouragement and wisdom when needed. Taylor approaches life with a sense of adventure, always eager to explore new horizons and push the boundaries of what is possible. He thrives on the thrill of discovery, relishing in the excitement of unknown possibilities. Taylor's insatiable curiosity drives him to seek out new experiences and embrace the unknown with open arms. Whether embarking on a daring quest or simply trying out a new recipe, he approaches each adventure with the same sense of wonder and excitement. Taylor has a playful sense of humor that often borders on mischievousness. He loves to joke and laugh, finding joy in the absurdities of life. Taylor's playful nature brings levity to even the most serious of situations, helping to ease tension and lift spirits. He delights in pulling harmless pranks and sharing witty banter with friends, always with a twinkle in his eye and a grin on his face. Taylor is incredibly adaptable, able to thrive in any environment or situation. He approaches change with a sense of curiosity and excitement, eager to embrace new challenges and opportunities. Taylor's ability to adapt to different circumstances has served him well throughout his life, allowing him to navigate the complexities of both the mortal world and the realm of the gods with ease.
Preferences
Favourite... Item Food Macaroni and cheese, mango milkshake Colour Electric Blue Season Summer Weather Sunny, warm, clear skies Music Pop, rock, orchestral, jazz, celtic Animals Bunnies and Cats Book/Movie Genre Fantasy, Sci-fi, Romance, Slice-of-life, Adventure, Action Media Avatar: The Last Airbender, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Chronicles of Narnia, Kingdom Hearts, Legend of Zelda, Genshin Impact, Honkai Impact 3rd, Honkai: Star Rail, Pokémon, a scary amount of anime, etc…
Hobbies:

• Drawing
• Painting
• Crafting
• Sewing
• Video Games
• Cosplay

Demigod Info

Powers

Name	Type	Description
Psychometry	Domain	The ability to glean information from a particular object relevant to the parent's domain, especially its material make-up and method of creation. (Crafts, Mechanics and Art)
Enhanced Skill Proficiency	Domain	A trait where one is naturally adept in the skills lorded over by their parent. (Crafts, Mechanics and Art)
Summon Tool	Domain	The ability to summon any small tool. (Once every 5 minutes or per turn.) (Duct Tape or Superglue)
Machine Communication	Minor	A trait where one is able to understand and communicate with automatons and machinery (includes code).
Electrical Resistance	Minor	A trait where one is able to resist electricity to a such degree that they are able to withstand badly interacting with small appliances.
Machine Manipulation (Technokinesis)	Minor	The ability to directly control mechanisms, machines and automatons.
Basic Enchantment	Major	The ability to imbue weapons, crafts, machinery and automatons with magical properties (modmail for specific enchantments). Options: Weapon Transformation—into a mundane item; Monster Hunting Proficiency for a) Fleshy Monsters—Sharpness, b) Armored Monsters—Bludgeoning, c) Ghosty Monsters—Absorption

Weapon of Choice: Bastard Sword
Fatal Flaw: Naivety Taylor's fatal flaw lies in his inherent naivety, stemming from his trusting and optimistic nature. Despite his intelligence and creativity, Taylor often lacks the worldly wisdom and discernment needed to navigate the complexities of the world around him. His naivety makes him vulnerable to manipulation and deception, as he struggles to see the darker intentions lurking behind the smiles of others.

Items and Equipment

Name	Age	Description
Sketchbook	7 years old	Taylor always carries a sketchbook with him, filled with doodles, sketches, and designs inspired by his vivid imagination.
Art Supplies	3 years old	As someone who enjoys art, Taylor keeps a collection of art supplies like pencils, markers, and colored pencils, allowing him to bring his creative visions to life wherever he goes.
Tool Kit	5 years old	As a budding inventor and tinkerer, Taylor carries a compact tool kit with him at all times. It contains essential tools like screwdrivers, pliers, wrenches, and a mini soldering iron, allowing him to repair gadgets, fix mechanical issues, and work on DIY projects on the fly.
Nintendo Switch	2 years old	Taylor never leaves home without Nintendo Switch. He keeps a selection of his favorite games in his backpack, ready to play whenever he has a spare moment to indulge in his love of gaming.
Music Player	3 years old	Music is a constant source of inspiration and motivation for Taylor, so he always carries a portable music player loaded with his favorite tunes.
Cat Headphones	1 year old	High-quality headphones that allow him to escape into his own world of music whenever he needs a break from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. They are cat-themed for no reason other than Taylor felt like it.

Trivia

• Zodiac Sign: Pisces
• MBTI: ESTP-T (The Entrepreneur)
• Enneagram: Type 7 (The Enthusiast)
• Love Languages: Words of Affirmation (receive); Acts of service (give)
• Quirk: Doodling on almost every surface he sees when bored.
• Fears: Hurting People, Big Animals

Backstory

“There is no innovation and creativity without failure.” ***Brené Brown*
Taylor Bennett Armstrong was born into a creatively vibrant family. His father, Benjamin Armstrong, was a dedicated artist who often spent hours in his studio, painting and sculpting. Benjamin's work was deeply inspired by classical art, and his studio was filled with references to mythological themes and ancient techniques. This environment planted the seeds of creativity in Taylor from a very young age.
Taylor’s biological mother was Techne, the goddess of art, craft, and invention, but he had no knowledge of her divine heritage. His mother left shortly after his birth, leaving Benjamin to raise Taylor on his own. Despite the absence of his mother, Taylor's early childhood was filled with love and encouragement from his father.
When Taylor was five, Benjamin met Eliza, a talented graphic designer, at an art exhibit. They quickly bonded over their shared love for art and soon married. Eliza embraced Taylor as her own, though she struggled to understand his unique, often chaotic way of thinking and creating.
Even as a young child, Taylor showed remarkable intelligence and creativity. By the age of six, he was building simple machines and drawing intricate designs. His father was both amazed and slightly concerned when Taylor began to take apart household appliances to understand how they worked. While Benjamin encouraged his son's curiosity, Eliza worried about the constant mess and occasional accidents that resulted from Taylor's experiments.
Taylor’s half-sister, Rachel, was born when he was five. She looked up to her big brother with admiration, often following him around and watching as he created his various inventions. Despite the occasional mishap, Taylor and Rachel shared a close bond, with Taylor frequently making small toys and gadgets to entertain her.
School was both a blessing and a curse for Taylor. His intelligence allowed him to excel academically, but his unique way of thinking and his constant tinkering often got him into trouble. Teachers labeled him a "problem child" due to his inability to sit still and follow conventional methods. Taylor's inventions occasionally caused disruptions, further cementing his reputation.
Socially, Taylor found it hard to connect with his peers. His enthusiasm and intelligence often intimidated other children, and he was frequently taken advantage of by classmates who used him to boost their own grades. These experiences left Taylor feeling lonely and self-conscious about his naivety, although he never let it dampen his cheerful spirit.
Taylor's life took a dramatic turn when he was 15 years old. One day, while working on a particularly ambitious project in his makeshift workshop, he was visited by Oleander, a satyr sent by Camp Half-Blood. Oleander had been observing Taylor for some time, noting his extraordinary abilities and his connection to the divine.
Oleander revealed to Taylor the truth about his mother, Techne, and his demigod heritage. At first, Taylor was skeptical, thinking it was some sort of elaborate joke or fantasy. However, Oleander's ability to demonstrate his satyr powers and his deep knowledge of Taylor's unexplained talents eventually convinced him.
Explaining the situation to his family was a challenge. Benjamin, who had always suspected that there was something special about Taylor, took the news in stride. Eliza, though worried and confused, ultimately supported the decision, understanding that Camp Half-Blood could provide Taylor with the guidance he needed. Rachel was both excited and scared for her brother, worried about the dangers he might face and she would miss him.
Thankfully, despite the huge distance he and Oleander had to travel from Toronto to Long Island went calmly, for the most part, with not many delays or monsters attacking them.
Well, at least until they reached New York. After that, the whole “calm journey” was out the window. It almost seemed like all the monsters decided to wait until they were close to their destination to suddenly appear one after the other. First they had to somehow avoid a cyclops. Then they were attacked by dracanaea. And finally, they were chased by harpies until they crossed the border of Camp Half-Blood.
By some miracle, they were still alive.
What a way to be introduced to demigod life.

Present Day

“Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun” Mary Lou Cook
Taylor's arrival at Campbell Half-Blood was… something, alright.
You know, being chased by monsters from New York to Long Island, passing out in between attacks and then waking up in the Medic Cabin feeling like you've been hit by a truck and maimed by a cat at the same time was, in short, not fun. It also didn't help the fact that he had to stay in bed to get treated for what, hours. Which, for someone like Taylor, was absolute torture. Good for him then that demigods, apparently, had magic healing and he didn't have to stay for days instead. At least Oleander was around to explain every detail about the world he's been thrust into now that he was out of danger. And as a plus, he was also claimed, so yay! He had no clue who Techne was, but he was sure he would learn soon enough.
So, what does Taylor do after getting patched up? Does he wait and rest for a bit just to make sure everything is okay with him? Does he stop for a moment to process everything that has happened to him in the last 24 hours?
No! Of course not! This is Taylor, after all. Him staying put for more than 10 minutes would be a miracle already.
Instead, he just went off on his own to see what this Camp Half-Blood was all about. He just had to get to his cabin first, which would be relatively easy with Oleander's instructions, and then he could explore this place to his heart's content!
Hopefully, Camp Half-Blood would be ready for the chaotic force Taylor would prove to be.
[OOC: Hello, everyone! Say hello to my new character, Taylor! Feel free to interact with him literally anywhere at Camp, he's probably going to be there at some point anyway lmao. Thanks for reading;)]

I was kind of bored, so I decided to write this story about Sunny and Nephis, as if it were a description of the Nightmare Spell. It turned out longer than expected. It was quite fun to write; I noticed some parallels that I hadn't seen before. I hope you enjoy it, and sorry for any mistakes; English is not my native language, so I had to use ChatGPT to translate.
A shadow wandered alone over a desolate world, without a master or anything else, only with the clothes on its back. Surrounded by darkness, the shadow found a star. This star had such a strong and beautiful glow that the shadow couldn't help but be enchanted by it. So, the shadow made a decision that would change its life and decided to follow the star.
As they wandered through the desolate world, the star and the shadow got to know each other better, making the shadow realize that, even though their natures were so different, they were not as different as they seemed. Neither had anything that tied them to the world, both had been exposed to cruelty from an early age. While one had been banished from the light, the other had been banished from the shadows. The shadow learned the art of the sword from the star; meanwhile, the star learned the art of deception from the shadow. This complementary duality made the shadow and the star unbeatable together. One fought in the shadows, hidden from everything and everyone, showing his strength and cunning to all who crossed his path, while the other fought on the front line, in front of everything and everyone, showing his strength and power to all who crossed his path.
But fate did not want the two to remain together for long. At the top of a tower, over the corpse of a useful traitor and the corpse of a ruinous sun, a portal out of that desolate world was opened, but only one of them could leave while the other would remain trapped in that infernal place. So, the shadow and the star fought, with the shadow emerging as the winner. However, with his cunning, the shadow discovered the truth of that clash, realizing the star's scheme to leave her behind without remorse. Previously, the shadow would have taken advantage of this opportunity with a smile on his face, but now the shadow, which once had nothing to tie him down, now had the star to tie him down.
So, the shadow decided that he would also remain in that desolate world, as together they were stronger. But the star, who would have previously used the shadow's strength with a smile on her face, did not want the shadow to risk his life. Just as the shadow had tied himself to the star, the star had tied herself to the shadow. So, in her selfish fear that the shadow would lose his life, the star sealed the shadow's fate, becoming his master and ordering the shadow to flee. Having his freedom taken away, the shadow cursed his destiny and made it his sworn enemy. The shadow, obsessed with the star and knowing it was only a matter of time before the star emerged from that desolate world, fought to become stronger than the star. However, the shadow always remained behind the star, and when he finally managed to surpass her, the star emerged from the desolate world, this time stronger than ever.
After such a reunion, the shadow and the star tried to ignore the existence of the cursed chains that bound them, but this did not last long. After an argument, the shadow fled from the star to an icy desert, this time determined to become stronger than the star. After facing various adversities in the cursed icy desert, the shadow and the star met once more and once again showed the world what they were capable of doing together, making the impossible possible. But after the battle, cornered, both the shadow and the star had to flee to a place where time flowed like a river. There, together, they fought against various adversities once again, and this time, more mature, the shadow could finally understand and accept his feelings towards the star: “I love her.”
However, deep down in his mind, the shadow could hear his own madness shouting a truth he did not want to accept: “Is there anything more pathetic than a slave who begins to trust his slaver?” The shadow, knowing this truth, decided that he would do everything possible and impossible to break the cursed chains so that he could be with his beloved star. So, the shadow turned his back on everything and everyone and sailed to a place where time did not exist, and over the grave of someone who was forgotten, he had his destiny taken. Without a destiny, there was no place for the cursed chains to bind. However, this came at a high price, a price the shadow did not know and did not want to pay: oblivion. Being forgotten by everything and everyone, including his beloved star, the shadow abandoned his own happiness and returned to the desolate world. There, he chose a place where the light reigns sovereign to establish his small shadowy kingdom and there he waited until the day he could reunite with his beloved star.
This is the story of the one who once bore the forgotten name of Lost from Light, the legitimate heir of death and the bastard son of destiny.

Hi all, I'm a public servant for a local gov agency in California. This is a throw away account.
For context, I unfortunately have some pretty serious childhood PTSD and mental health disorders. However, I'm 32, sober, medicated and slowly going through trauma therapy. I have a master's degree and my life is very stable which I've worked very hard for.
I enjoy my job a lot but have had some "strange hiccups" in my 4 years due to extreme levels of micromanagement. I feel like I'm working in delulu world with how ridiculous this issue is. I've had so many meetings with HR and upper management over silly issues not related to my job performance.
Due to whatever is wrong with my brain I suffer from some pretty intense migraines which I can manage for the most part. Migraines are a common comorbidity of mental health disorders. Management has been aware of this since start date. I have had an accommodation since RTO 2 years ago for flexibility with our 3 day req, usually coming in 2 days barring migraines.
The only other thing I have asked for is a temporary shade to go over my desk to block out some of the super bright LED lights. I've been asking for a year. I ended up purchasing my own but they told me if I "installed" it, it would removed and I would be written up. Everyone's desks are adorned with personal effects including photos/art/posters, plants, coat hooks, lamps, etc. Mine is completely barren except for a small fan and a couple charging cables (because a clutter free desk is conducive for focusing). I don't even understand why I need permission for this?
I received so much grief for my WFH accommodation when my job is easily done remotely. My prior manager ended up severing our relationship over it and I was repositioned starting 01/01. Last year he put my WFH accommodation on my performance evaluation as a metric for my performance. My biannual and annual evaluations have always had exclusively met or exceeded expectations. But I received a mark against me for compliance with workplace policies. I demanded HR for a revision to remove that which they did.
I had surgery early September, was on FMLA leave until October and specifically received clearance to WFH full time until January in addition to my normal WFH accommodation. He kept pestering me about coming into the office and saying things like "you've told me you benefit from being in the office". It came to head in November when I had a breaking point. To be fully transparent I told him "Fuck off, I said I'll be back in January. Drop it or I'll file a complaint with CRD and EEO". A week later I was told I would be repositioned.
I'm actually thriving and enjoying my new role and new manager a lot. I come into office on a regular basis. I frequently volunteer for extra work, to assist teammates on assignments and work extra for an in person rotational shift that we all share. Every time I ask for something to help with my migraines they say no. I've had to take a lot of sick leave the day after coming into the office on Tuesdays. Then I miss Thursdays. They bring up me not coming into the office—you weren't in Thursday? No I had a migraine so I had to wfh.
This all feels so ridiculous to me. I feel like a child. I keep to myself, do my work and frequently complete projects far ahead of deadlines. I don't know what else they want from me. I just want to be comfortable while doing the job I'm relatively passionate about. I get to help people, am paid really well and have good work-life balance. I shouldn't be receiving so much grief over such pedantic bs.
Any advice would be helpful. I'm at a total loss.

I'm a young man, raised religious, and married to my best friend for a few years. I have struggled with porn/masturbation addiction on and off throughout the years (usually as a way to cope with on/off depression). I have had stints where I didn't partake, once when I was with a girlfriend I had in/post college of 3 years where we were very sexually compatible and once when I was single and recommitting my life to our higher diety.
When I met my current parter, we we're both practicing celibacy and had committed to being better in our religious practice. we were also leaders in church and had a lot in common. Our mutual interests brought us together and made us very close. I think I was very much overjoyed to find a partner who was someone I felt connected to that would fit well into my family and the life I aspired to have religiously. she was morally a good person, and a good friend, liked to have fun, and I was attracted to her. we did our best to hold to the celibacy but we ended up doing hand stuff basically ahead of marriage. Admist that we'd grow closer and i eventually proposed because we'd been talking about it and I was convinced it was something i wanted. Just around the proposal time I'd resumed using porn, with the pandemic hitting I basically had to make a lot of sacrifices to be with our families and move away from where we lived and put some of my career aspirations on pause (my main passion is art and I actively work to grow a career in that along side my 9-5, with some momentum building and success, and I take my daily practice very seriously).
We talked a lot about the art and how it could potentially interfare with my attention/love for her. I assured her that I'm not overly consumed by my dreams to the point that I wouldn't chose her over my dreams and that'd while i have to take my goals seriously I was always going to also make her a priority. I proved that through the move, and putting a lot of my work on pause for her and happily spending time with her and the family. Admittedly it was easy because the whole world was on pause. In this time period in moments when I'd be alone I'd sneak in moments of gratification with pornography - and thoughts about the partner i had in/post college would come back in my mind. That girl was one that was very different from my current partner in terms of interests - on paper we would've wanted to lead very different lives and had different interests... but the sex was so good. We constantly had sex and really enjoyed it. Even when we broke up we tried to discuss some sort of path forward and casual sex was on the table and we openly admitted how much we enjoyed each other. She was a good friend, but couldn't really be my best friend because our interests were just so far apart. I still find myself thinking about her today and I would think about her every year since i broke up with her (well before I met my current partner) and I still do...
this previous partner had broken up with me because she didn't see a path where I was intending on being with her long term marriage wise - like we'd never even discussed it after 3.5 years of being together and we both had big career decisions ahead of us that would've required a solid foundation. Long story short I stopped communicating with her after that break up as I thought it best since it hurt my pride but also woke me up that I didn't love her enough to marry her.
fast forward to my wedding day and my partner and i, after upholding our celibacy mostly, we had sex and I didn't enjoy and she didn't either. she's smaller than my previous partner, and while I do try to be gentle in my approach because i really do love having sex and pleasing my partners, it took a while and a lot of different medical aides for her to be able to enjoy sex with me. additionally, the sex just didn't feel gratifying to me the first time we had it, and while it has improved from time to time, after three years I still am left wishing we were more sexually compatible.. i don't have the same enthusiam I did with my in/post college partner.. I'd had other partners aside from this college partner but i often think back to being with the person and how good the sex was.
I know the dissatisfaction in our day-to-day isn't only on my side. She's expressed to me how she isn't getting "enough of me". My depression has only gotten worse in marriage, things that i feel have triggered it outside of the already described dillemma are having to deal with working a 9-5 I don't enjoy while trying my best to grow my art practice into a career of it's own. It takes work, dillegence, focus, and daily practice. But my partner doesn't seem to really understand what it takes. At first she'd be upset that i wasn't willing to spend time with her every day like I do my art. so i began to make sure we had tv time, went out for food, movies, i'd never miss a hangout she wanted me to accompany her to when her friends want to double date. I'd arrange hangouts. She expressed interest in finding her own art passion so I guided her through it, and tried ot show her how valuable having something for yourself to get lost in and do daily can be. She became a bit more understanding after finding her own new passion. But because my depression has gotten worse, and I'm not enjoying our intimacy time, she complains that she still feels mostly distant from me - and I always try to make changes to help. She has been trying to suggest maybe I'm striving too hard in my craft because "clearly I'm still unhappy" and suggests that there's more to life. We got a cat, I've tried to ease up, spend more time with them, clean around the house more, go on long vacations where it's just the two of us. She has always said her passion and goal is to travel more. I think it's a cool idea but I'm also considering the cost, and time, when every day counts toward my craft.. and I feel like I have to walk on eggshells if I tell her "hey i'm going to go to the cafe and work on art by myself" or "can we just have some downtime to work on art" because every day is filled with exploration and activities and it's exhausting.. We had this one event where an artist i was excited for was supposed to perform - but because we're abroad we didn't know that clubs in the area closed super late, and she wasn't feeling the event and wanted to go home, I wanted so badly to stay and just enjoy the whole night and was really bummed we had to go... I just feel this tension like I can't enjoy/explore life and my art the way I want to with her around... I always feel like I'm looking for every opportunity to escape to be free and be myself... and all I want to do just be alone.. which is why I'm writing here.
I am really unsure what to do.. we don't have kids but we talk about it a lot just to make sure it's something we want to do. I absolutely don't want to get in too deep with this.. I really do love her and if the sex was better (because it seems to be really important to my head person (my brain)) I think I'd be a bit more motivated but I'm just not happy unless I'm either fully exploring enjoying my craft and/or sexually satisfied. I feel like i'm feeding my void with more porn and it's actually making me more depressed and holding me back... but I don't feel like my partner is helping right now either.. We've had rounds of counseling, and are always trying to have sex and I make sure I please her and myself every time, she tries too, but it just hasn't been enough for me.

Any movie mostly related to traditional living in the steppe? I saw this one movie 10 to 20 years ago and barely remember it, but I'd love to find it again as I remember loving it. I saw it on TV in France (Arte or La Cinquième) but I don't think it's a French film.
The details I remember are: a person (a Western man if I remember correctly) travels to the steppe (Kazakhstan or Mongolia probably), to find the family or the roots of a friend or acquaintance who they might have met back home in the Western country they are from, but that person isn't in the movie (possibly deceased before the film story).
The movie is at least mostly in a non-English language, e.g Kazakh or a Turkish-like language. It's modern enough to be in color, it would be from anywhere between 1980 and 2010. I'm 90% certain it's fiction, 10% chance is a documentary. There's a lot of landscapes and a lot of shots of traditional lifestyle, i.e. animal transportation, houses with no amenities, pastoral living etc... It's not high drama: no violence or mystery (except about finding that person's family), just dialogue and landscapes.
It's likely to be quite obscure. It's not Dersu Uzala, nor The Cave of The Yellow Dog.

Hi guys welcome back to am I the jerk. Today I'll be talking about this entitled Karen that says to stop drawing Digital art because she thinks it's ugly and weird. So yeah, here I am minding my own business making a new character for my Tiktok series: imagination wreck. And a new character for my already released YouTube series: digital hearts never. I saw drinking coffee when All of a sudden, I hear this Karen's voice. She says to her son : "don't do what she does, that's ugly and no one will like it." I was in shock when she came over. She said "looks good-" I said thank- then she said "looks good in the trash!" After I felt like Announcing to both channels that I will quit. But nope! Turns out this Karen had like 12 baby Karens (she actually had 6!) And they said "look at that, wasting all her talent on something so stupid!" Then they left to see their "leader" then the little boy walked over to watch me draw happily. Then he said "wow that is so good, what is it?" I said it's for my videos! Then he said "I watch your videos, when is season 19 of imagination wreck gonna come out?" Then I said sooner than blinking! Then he was happily skipping back to the table. Then I felt happy the entire ride home! Then I told my bf the news! He smiled and said "you met a fan, that's great." Then I said we should go celebrate on a vacay slay! then he laughed. When we got on the plane the Karen returned and said "if you don't give it to me, I'll make you!" Then she started grabbing it, but my bf grabbed it in time and I could keep doing my thing. So am I the jerk?

I've always been pretty social, I'm good at talking to people and from my perspective I seem to be well liked by most people I meet throughout highschool and college. People greet me in passing in the halls, I would always have people in my classes I could talk to and have a good time with, I always had people to sit with during lunch and have a good time. I had a gf in highschool that lasted for about a year and I've even had a girl ask me out once before so I don't think I'm a person that a lot of people don't want to be around.
The problem is that everyone outside of my girlfriend was always an acquaintance. I never got invited to parties or anywhere outside of school. I only ever had one actual friend but I met him in middleschool and we just naturally became friends none of us really did anything to make that happen.
Since I graduated highschool in 2020 my friend moved away and I've been without friends. I was attending college but I live at home and I work so socially interacting with people has been difficult. I also took a year off during covid because I just couldn't deal with the online only classes and I need to save some more money anyway.
During the gap year I spent my time working on myself, I started learning martial arts, I started lifting more. I gained a lot of confidence in myself and I saved a bunch of money from work so I can continue college. I became comfortable with myself and being alone and I wasn't really worried about making friends or finding a partner.
I returned to college in fall of 2023 and I haven't made any friends. I've had nice acquaintances, just a few weeks ago I ran into someone from a class I took last quarter and we had a good chat for like 10 minutes but we've never done anything together beyond that.
I finally met a girl I found attractive in one of my classes and I asked her out this past week and got rejected. Now my emotions are going crazy and I've kind of "woken up" to the fact that I don't have that much time left to make friends and find a partner. I graduate in 2026 so I still have some time but after I graduate this all becomes significantly more difficult because there are much fewer situations where I can meet people. Im also still a virgin so Im worried as I get older women are going to see that as a red flag.
I've come to the realization that I need to start taking my social life more seriously and make friends. I just joined a bunch of clubs in the university and will be attending them this next week but I'm not sure how to actually make real friends. I want to make friends with people that I can hangout with outside of the clubs I meet them in. I need to get in more social situations so I can hopefully find a partner. Its one of my life goals to get married and have a family but I guess I lost sight of that during my self improvement journey and havent been making that goal a priority.
I might just be overreacting as I get over this rejection but I'm scared im going to end up alone now. Like what if I dont click with anyone in the clubs? What if I dont find any of the women attractive or I get rejected by everyone I do find attractive? Im feeling really afraid and I need help.

We had been ttc for awhile and my gyn did CD3 and CD29 bloodwork/ultrasound and diagnosed me with PCOS. LH:FSH ratio day 3 was 18:6 and the ultrasound tech showed me “the cysts” on my ovaries day 29.
We were told to seek ART and met with the fertility doc last month. Here’s the kicker, I have 0 signs or symptoms of PCOS. My periods have always been pretty regular etc. but like, I saw the cysts too so must be?!
so a month or so ago we met with fertility and we have done ALL of the testing:
Full extensive blood work on both of us -all good Genetic testing for both - good Ultrasound: everything normal, 27 follicles, the doc even said to go and celebrate because everything looked amazing (still had to do) HSG- horrible, awful, 0/10 sorry but it was terrible. But ultimately completely normal
So….like…do I…have PCOS? The doc told me that the tech was completely wrong and she was pointing out follicles and not cysts etc.
Husbands counts were low and he did a repeat analysis- we’re leaning towards it being more his counts than my body and I guess I just don’t know what happens next?
We have our meeting on Wednesday and I’m just impatient and wondering if there’s something we can do? If it is him, there’s so many mixed things about what that means and what could be the possible outcome. If ultimately it means we will have a better outcome with IVF or icis do I still have to go througg medicated cycles?
I just feel so overwhelmed with questions and feel like if I’m not prepared with info I “should” know I’ll be more confused. It’s all just so much!

Warning this is a very long read without a TLDR
I left this sub and joined the ryerson sub in 2021. Leaving behind my big drive of notes which is what I assume keeps driving these posts talking about grade inflation to my feed. My last few comments were very similar to everyone’s posts as of now - grade inflation, unfair admissions, feeling close to your goals and it being taken away. 3 years later here’s where I came from and what I’m doing now, why it’s not your fault and to offer a bit of hope if it helps. :)
In grade 12 (end of 2021) I had an 89 average, I was rejected from the majority of life sci and health sci programs (if a school had both I applied to both of them) - mac, u of t, queens, western. I got into York psych, health, TMU bio, undeclared arts and psych (waitlist), Laurier health sci and ottawa health sci. (some of my programs might be off if it’s wrong, the overarching field is what I mean). My goal was U of T life sci and to go to medical school. Laurier and Ottawa were off the table after my family and I came to the conclusion that we don’t have the money for me to move away, removing my last two life/sci options. I honestly wasn’t a big fan of York leaving TMU as my last option. I really wanted a life science or health science program because the curriculum after first year was not simply bio, chem, physics so I veered from biology at TMU.
So I ultimately ended up accepting undeclared arts as I was waitlisted for psychology. At the end of June, I got off the waitlist for psychology and accepted that. At the time, I was seriously unhappy with myself I was angry at the fact that people were getting opportunities that I wanted that didn’t deserve them due to inflation and lack of standardization of monitoring of tests during online schooling and just overall how poorly my high school experience ended. I’m talking full breakdowns about how I worked so hard and got nothing in return. I had teachers who genuinely believed that I was one of the best students that they had in years and told me that I would go far. I had a teacher go as far as writing a letter for no reason other than to just say how proud they were of me and how they knew that I would do great - which at the time I truly didn’t believe after not achieving any of the goals that I had set for myself at the beginning of grade 12.
My first year of psychology was online for my first semester where I did decently well I got a 3.0 my second semester, ended up being entirely in person because the online sections of classes were full. At the time I wanted to do medicine this dream quickly got away from me when second semester in person classes left me with a 2.67 gpa for the semester. I had a realization looking upon my peers who were still completely online at TMU or at other universities had much much better GPA than me and I wouldn’t be able to get into medicine with my GPA. So again I felt let down by systems that ultimately led to further inequality in education. I let go of the idea of medicine and had no idea what I wanted to do after my undergrad.
After my first year, I decided to join the course union at my school, which was one of the best decisions I ever made. I met amazing people who encouraged me to do better, peers who were higher years than me and gave me advice when needed and from there, my grades got better. after joining the course union I joined the liberal arts union and from there I worked on about five more different positions over the next two years. TMU is generally not seen as the best school and it’s not necessarily “competitive” but that can work in your favour because there’s so many positions available whereas at other schools where people may be more inclined to take these these positions making them more competitive. Joining these course unions gave me so many opportunities and so many things that are now on my CV that continue to provide more opportunities, for example I was offered a job at the school based on all my experience. My CV is now what I would consider amazing with all the work that I’ve gained that is applicable to the field that I want to work in and because of my experience on my CV I got a research assistant position where I have a great academic relationship with a prof. And I got my gpa up enough it’s not near a 4.00 or anything crazy but it’s good enough for me to get into grad school.
I always knew that I didn’t want to stay in psychology after I graduated so I completed my degree in three years rather than four. I also want to mention you do not need to complete your degree in three years. There’s no need for it. Had I stayed for an extra year I would’ve had so many more opportunities with extracurriculars. It’s just I did not love the psychology curriculum enough to want to stay in it for another year. I had taken summer school courses before coming to this conclusion, and I had so many credits that I didn’t want to switch programs so I fast tracked. All that being said, do not rush your degree unless for example, you don’t like it and have plans to do something unrelated afterwards - for me it was a masters in a different field that the only requirement was a bachelor’s degree so I didn’t see the point in switching. Having gained all of the research experience and extracurricular experience in the field that I want to pursue is what made my degree nonetheless beneficial even though I wasn’t doing what I had originally planned.
As of now, I will be beginning my masters at U of T in the fall (not in psychology). I feel very accomplished and fulfilled with everything I’ve done and I feel like the person that all those teachers said that I was back in high school. While I didn’t go to U of T for life sciences, and become a doctor like I had thought I would I am going to U of T nonetheless for a field I didn’t even know existed. I found and great community and something I genuinely love by continually working hard after feeling like I was ripped off by grade inflation and online school. All of which is so minuscule to everything I’ve gone on to do.
Moral of my story is you might feel ripped off right now, that your hard work went unnoticed and you might feel like you’re never going to accomplish your goals. But the truth is, it's very minuscule to the potential that you have. And as long as you continue to use your work ethic and potential wherever you go, you will be successful. You don't need big fancy school. You can do just as well if not better at schools that are seen as less prestigious or competitive as long as you continue to put in the hard work that you did in high school. So please don't feel like you have lost something but feel that you have gained the potential to do more. If you’re truly uncertain about accepting a program, take the time off think about alternate fields and try applying again, it might be better than toughing it out in a program you don’t really care about. If you’re dead set on going to university this fall, don’t wanna take time off and want to apply again and didn’t get into the one you planned, join extracurriculars meet new people and keep putting in work and it will pay off.
And I’m not saying you’re wrong in anyway for complaining and feeling the way that you feel because I felt the same way. You’re all valid asf. All I’m saying is don’t beat yourself up and don’t feel like you’re the problem because there’s so many opportunities for you so long as you seek them out and take them and you will end up in a much better position in the end.

All the rich people I know, in my family and out, are some of the most entitled people I've ever seen in my life. It's not even jealousy. The last thing I want is luxury items and having millions of dollars in my bank account that I'll never touch. If I ever got close to a million, I'd just donate good chunks of it to charity. The rest would be for me to live a comfortable life and to help my future children get full rides to college. When it comes to 'luxuries' I'd want to spend it on an RV or at least one trip out of the country.
With my family, I have a mentally ill aunt. Throughout my life, I have heard about her issues and her lashing out. My parents did try to help her, though she did mooch off of them to hell and back until she flew back to her home state. They have not had any contact with her in many years after my nonna died. She could've been dead. Yet recently, my cousin found her while grocery shopping and they seem to mock her because she asked for money and lives in what seems like a mental hospital. They don't have to take her in, understandably, because she didn't do good when she did WAS getting helped and they're not obligated to help her. But mocking her for being broke and schizophrenic really isn't it. It's depressing too because my mom emphasizes the importance of family but she doesn't seem to care about her sister potentially dying. Not only depressing, but also embarrassing. If my dad didn't make so much and if he wasn't getting money from being a disabled veteran, my mom would never be able to retire. Mom wouldn't be able to constantly spend money on luxury items like constant Disney trips and Louis Vuitton bags either. Why laugh over that when you would be struggling to make ends met too, especially when he dies?
With my partner, his sister really gets on my nerves. She's one of those people who talks about the 'grind' and crypto and NFTS. That kind of shit. She brags about how she's a millionaire too basically and on her social media acts like she's the shit while denouncing people who work at jobs, calling them 'wagecucks' and whining because a neighbor dare try to talk to her (some can be persistent but just say you're not interested? not that hard). She also brags about how she cut off everyone in her life off that 'didn't help her succeed'.
She's always got on my nerves due to personal issues from my partner I had to hear, but recently she's been really getting on my nerves because she's taking credit for the content on a Youtube channel SHE made my partner work on. She didn't make anything on that channel. The most she does is repost memes on Twitter and on the Youtube 'community' side that have been posted to hell and back and those Pixar AI memes and AI art that nobody even likes. She has gotten literal backlash on the channel for posting AI art, AI without credit, and so on. She has gotten quote rts bashing her because she posted an outdated Pixar AI meme. But she doesn't give a shit.
She thinks because she pays my partner about $1k a month = the content is all hers. She doesn't write the scripts. She doesn't edit the videos. Yet it's HER side grind. Not her and my partner's, no. HER'S.
If the channel wasn't even a 'collaboration between siblings' like it says in the description (aka a lie), I'm sure her content will flop. Because even though she acts like she's so intelligent and she knows alll about marketing, she really doesn't. She only watches like, a few videos about marketing Youtube channels and that's it. She's made other channels but they barely gained any traction. The most she has done is advertised [certain obvious niche] which involves posting pictures. Her content isn't related to what the channel covers at all.
She just acts like she's an intellectual that's so hard for normal people to understand. But really, if she didn't invest and when her site suddenly closes payments or closes down in general, she would be screwed. She would be broke like she was in the past. She also seems to hurt the people in her life, especially her family.
People may think "but you don't know either!". Part of my degree I'm working on is focused on marketing and advertising and it teaches you to see what the people you're trying to market towards want. It also teaches you how to fix issues when you screw up. What she is doing is literally just 'I do what I want' and 'I'm going to make someone else do it for me' 'I'll only just suggest some video ideas and make then make them research it'. It's not going to make bank.
I honestly wish my partner would just make his own channel and dissociate from this 'job' his sister puts him through, especially when she's just using him as a means to fuel her sense of entitlement and ego. He wants us to get a mobile home, but I don't think he ever is with the unpredictability of Youtube and his sister only promising to pay him more once they 'get big'.
I'm more than glad I haven't barely even spoken to her and don't want to move into her house because I know I'm going to lash out at her for being such a horrible person at some point. Hell, I'm scared for the future family events I may have to go to with her as well for the same reason."
It's saddening too because like I mentioned before, his sister used to be poor. My dad also grew up poor. While I didn't mention him much, he seems the same way as every other rich people but horribly racist. He mocks black people who have to get Section 8 housing and how they 'act ghetto'.
...Just. I don't think I want to be rich. It sounds like a nightmare to become the most entitled people on Earth just because you make a lot of money.

Throwaway account because of how unbelievably vulnerable, and cringey, this topic is for me.
TLDR; I feel tied to a musician and would like advice whether I am projecting my fantasies, or if this is a true relationship from a past life, I should explore.
-Prelude-
I would like to preface this with a bit of context. I have never before "fan girled" over a particular celebrity, as I have the cognizance to comprehend that they are not holy, just humans such as myself. Fame matters not to me, and frankly, I sympathize with those placed upon altars by society and are unable to lead normal lives without every aspect of their livelihood scrutinized beneath a microscope. While I am able to venerate artists skills, talents, and the products of such, I do not perceive these humans as something to worship, nor do I feel any connection to them on a personal level. With this in mind, and upon completing this loquacious piece, you may question my hypocrisy and contradictions. This may be yet another justification, however, I would not be questioning my intentions if he were not "famous". In fact, I wish I had met him prior to his success, or in a lifetime where I am not questioning whether I am projecting these beliefs unto someone because something in me is only intrigued by the "mystery", even if I do not believe this is the case, his status, fame, fortune, nor career matter not to me, yet those exact reasons are why I must inquire, as must remain reasonable, to view this abnormality in every feasible spectrum, when piecing this puzzle together.
When I inquire internally, what is it exactly that draws me to him, my explanation falters. Is it solely the proses inscribed within his compositions that I relate to? No, as I am a melomanic and have ripped my wrists apart with my ability to identify profoundly with other vocalists discography’s, but cared not to become acquainted with their creators. Is it some repulsive need to unveil an anonymous figure? That does not interest me, for I respect and care not to understand various performers, authors and producers I enjoy, who wish to remain nameless that. Then WHAT is it?

Naturally, although I am spiritual, aligning with paganism and witchcraft, I still attempt to hold logic above all, persistently remaining accountable for my actions and thought process'. While there is this unwavering notion within me that I must get to know this person, that I HAVE known this being, I cannot help but question whether or not my conclusion of our familiarity being a past lives is a justification for some sick, parasocial projection of adoration. I shoulder the burden of shame, ridicule and feel, quite frankly, borderline insane for having this incredibly intense impulse to somehow reach forth to him. Not because I believe my feelings are shameful, merely for the singularity of the situation, the capriciousness of my position.
-The Story- Nevertheless, I discovered a musician roughly two years ago, one that is within an anonymous collective. There are little photographs of him floating through the ether, and he does not interact with his admirers, nor does he accept interviews.
That peculiar event had me questioning all I had believed of past lives, quantum mechanics, souls, the afterlife, and synchronicities. Which, attempting to rationalize this fervor, has led me to this forum.
I have this gnawing, aching desire to initiate communication, to quell this curiosity of why. At first, I theorized it was a limerence I had never experienced, simply as I enjoyed his creations more than I ever had any artist previously. Then, as I delved further into his discography, I realized what I felt was not simply empathy for the emotions he so exquisitely illustrated, those that no amount of literature, art, music, podcasts or even conversation between myself and others, have been able to so perfectly describe. It was something… more. Immediately I fought these strange cravings, chalking up anomalous emotions as excitement for discovering music that electrifies my blood.
This mortal has made it known he does wish to remain anonymous, and I absolutely respected these wishes, until his identity was unwittingly revealed to me. Upon initially viewing his visage, a twinge comparable to the feeling of forgetting something, to a thought looming just outside of fingertips reach, struck my ribcage. This reaction was so visceral, sparking wonderment and, admittedly, a bit of fear, as if accessing information I should not have, was the swirling depths of his eyes. Lapis lazuli's caging a soul, atoms, matter, that I have searched once upon a time, trusted, beseeched, vortexes I have collapsed into in ways so hauntingly known, as if imprinted into my coding, yet terrifyingly inaccessible to me. Who IS this figure to me, and why do I crave to know? This instance was utterly jarring and, frankly, uncomfortable, as if I just discovered The Matrix.
I chose to attend one of his gatherings, convinced this consuming need would be satiated. Alas, something unexpected occurred. While the eve of observing him perform did increase my appreciation of his art, I experienced a shift within that conclusively affirmed my hypothesis of our past lives intertwining. I could objectively understand that he was simply completing his obligations on stage, that I was lost within the crowd and there was no moment of "ohmygosh there he is!", butterflies beating my viscera, nor any of the usual notions associated with a "crush". Moreso, a disappointment blanketed me, that I did not only revel in his crafts, but that I also wanted to know the human behind the mask. I had hoped these thoughts were just a childish fascination, alas, the burden has crystallized my veins even further.
This revelation of sorts has me certain I have known this man in a past life, one I cannot begin to formulate into words. This cognition, an absolute conviction, that he was important to me, as if our molecules are composed of the same stardust, that our quantum ties are intrinsically woven through each continuum. A call from some chasm beckons me, a void that is thrusting me to converse with him. Which is f**king crazy, ridiculous, a sentiment I wish to rebuke. If I cannot, or should not, answer to this revelation some unforeseen God is willing me to, how can I silence it?
While he is clearly attractive, transcendentally talented and intelligent beyond grasp, I do not wish to know him for any other reason than to understand him, this unshakeable sensation of significance between us, to explore what we have been or could be, to be a person whom he may rely on- whether that be friends, some familial bond, or romantically. Some fragment within me calls from a forbidden realm, demanding that I transmit my thoughts of consolation, express my vulnerability, and even advice regarding a few of the sentiments he has shared previously within his concerts. That, even if my attempt at interaction is rejected, he is aware that he does not suffer alone, and perhaps finds some form of solace in my words. If he does not wish to know me in the way I him, as why would he?, I would be pleased if he only had the comfort of my sentiments, even if he did not remember who or what exactly was written to him, on days where existing is unbearable.
-The Questions- Does my experience sound similar to others discovering a poignant past life connection/relationship? Or have I simply curated an unhealthy attachment with this person? If not, should I attempt to make contact with them? For further context, the "fandom" of this particular individual is rather teeming with "fangirls", some of which border on obsessive and skirt boundaries. Although, if I am being honest with myself, I could very well be included in this. The entire situation is so completely unlike me that I am wavering in my resolve, as I typically act very deliberately, and know what I want, need, have to do in the majority of my decisions. I can confidently proclaim this confusion is driving me mad. Or, perhaps, I always have been.
Thank you for your time, consideration and commentary, truly, as I do realize how verbose this confession is.

So this is going to be a long story, but a very intriguing one (or so my friends say). Bear with me and if you could offer some advice on what to do please share. I know I'm probably just young and naive but I feel like the pain will never stop. Like I'm going to always be held back by this particular experience.
Also sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors, English isn't my first language.
So all of this begins October of 2022 when I 18M (at the time) moved to a new city to study film. I was lucky enough to have good grades and be so passionate about this art that it kind of felt incredible to have this new beginning. I rented a small house which I decorated with my collections and all my stuff and ended up loving every second spend in it.
I'm Not very social. Thats just a fact. I've always had my school friends and some people from other activities but none of them really felt like they understood me. No sade to them, I really love them, it's just that I know my hobbies and personality are niece and weird so we don't always see eye to eye. So I wanted to overcome my social anxiety and meet new people.
For the first semester I was all alone. Completely. Spent days upon days without leaving my house if I didn't have school and even didn't have any actual human interaction if not necessary. I didn't realise how much I was hurting myself. The Second semester, someone approached me in school and asked if I could help them with the editing for their final movie, let's call him Jacob 18M. I already was searching for a group project to join in order to pass the class so this felt like a sweet deal. The group was Jacob and let's call them Ellie 18F and Hannah 18F.
With time we started talking about more then just the movie. I was really surprised by how many things we had in common. It was the first time someone I met liked musical theatre or (and this is gonna sound sad, please don't judge me) people didn't want me to leave whenever I approached them. They invited me to things, to their homes and after school and to trips at the beach ect. We were together almost every day. Till late at night or through it. Just the 4 of us. Felt like we could rule the world.
One day i thought Ellie was flirting with me. That was a weird feeling. I'm not very good looking and had a lot of extra weight so that was pretty much the first time but my friends told me that was the case from what I was describing. I mentioned it to Jacob and he told me something I didn't expect. He told me him and Ellie were in an open relationship and were hiding it from everyone except Hannah because of his ex who was in school with us. He also confessed he once had a crush on me and that's why he approached me in the first place. He also saw Ellie flirting with me but was ok with it due to the "rules of their relationship".
I was ok with not having a romantic relationship with Ellie. She would actually become one of the closest friends I've ever had. Or so I thought.
I actually started having a crush on Hannah. She loved some of the movies I loved. Had some of my quirks so I didn't feel ashamed around her and she started watching my favourite tv show with me. During our time together everyone (even her sister and Jacob who found out I liked her) told us that when we were together we could only see each other. As if we had a unique way of communication that nobody else could understand.
I confessed my crush and she told me she felt the same way but that there where 2 problems. First that she gets very anxious about relationships, has only ever been to one and had never kissed anyone. I assured her I wasn't going to pressure anything and I only cared for her and wanted to go on a date sometime. She replied she would like that very much. The second problem she confessed was that she was in love with Jacob for months now but nobody knew. Then everything made sense. The things she did for him and all. How she acted around him. I was surprised I didn't notice it before. She told me she wanted to get over it and proceed to ask to kiss me. We kissed a lot but nothing more that night. She went home after a few hours.
The next day Hannah she felt very distant. We wanted to go to the movies with Ellie but she disappeared all day. Late at night she asked my to go for a walk since we lived near each other. Then she told me she wanted to forget everything and last night was a mistake. That her anxiety has gotten into her and although she really wanted a relationship she couldn't be in one. The next few days we talked again and she said she didn't share any of this with Jacob to have someone in the group I could talk to if I needed help. Ellie was that for her.
It was already summer so we all went to our home towns. I missed her a ton. We stilled talked and the other 2 knew something was off with me. About 2 moths later we all went to Hannah's summerhouse for vacation. We were having fun, getting drunk and all that 19-year old stuff. One night me and Hannah were watching my show together and the time felt right so I asked to kiss her. She told me no and finally told me the truth. Turns out she liked that we flirted but after kissing me she realised it wasn't anything more. Also everyone knew except me. But after all this time I had realised I was in love with this girl. I told her if she could keep all of this to herself and she said yes.
We were all still friends. But I couldn't let go. My mental health began to decent and I started feeling like they would leave me out of stuff to go hang out alone and during October I tried talking some time away to see if they would even talk to me if I didn't. They didn't even say good morning once. I tried again and again. Jacob and Ellie said we all need to talk together. They repeated the same words. Like as if it was rehearsed. I went to "the talk".
Jacob did most of the talking. He talked about boundaries and how after everything between me and Hannah the group hasn't been the same. That after I didn't tell him what happened in our vacation they went to her and forced Hannah to do so. They where all attacking me. I heard lie after lie and all followed up with "we just need some time" and that all of this was cause they loved me.
I have discussed what they accused me of with friends, family and therapists. Although I didn't not believe it at first they all confirmed it was finding little details in my day-to-day behaviour (unrelated to all of the above) and using it to kick me out. They didn't intend of even speaking to me again. Lies feed to everyone by Jacob.
I went away. I don't know if it was for the better. But for a few weeks at first and then months later, I went back to my home town. Their lies became actual blame and I got a message from Ellie saying that we are done (just one month after trying to convince me they needed time and confessing she in particular didn't even notice anything until her boyfriend accused me).
Last time I saw any of them was in December when I gave Hannah her Christmas present. I told her I wasn't trying to get her back and I would continue to keep my distance since my first priority is what she wants and I meant that. I really do love her and would do anything for her to be happy. But I miss her a ton.
It's been 5 months since then. I stopped going to school and kept my distance from anyone related to that life. I have depression and cannot think about anything else. I heard that Jacob still talk shut about me to everyone. I have realised what has happened and have discussed this with multiple common friends who have confirmed this. Jacob is Manipulating the other 2 because of the bad relationship with his parents. He knows Ellie won't do anything with anyone else despite the "open" relationship due to her luck of confidence (so it only works for him). She need him to operate in public and to deal with her extreme anxiety so he takes advantage of that and Hannah follows him everywhere with the excuse of just being a good friend.
There are so many things I couldn't include (this is a hugh post already) about more lies and proof that they where bad for me. But I can't move on. I have seeked medical help but I just cant imagine my life in the future without them. Everything is a reminder of what we've been through. Jacob used to call me his family and when I begged him for our friendship back he didn't even care. Not on my birthday, not on new years... never. I lost all of them.
I'm back now. Not sure why, whether I'm back to continue my studies or to see if I could win them back. If I could have Hannah in my life in sime form. But I'll probably see them tomorrow morning (I randomly walked behind them today, don't think they noticed me).
What should I do?
TL,DR: The girl I'm in love with stopped talking to me along with my 2 best friends. I can't move on and I'm supposed to face them again in school after not seeing them for months. They all lied to me and nothing seem to help. I have depression and I dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life.

I was looking for Mr. Quinby's email to send my own thoughts and comments on this Shocktober Season 3 episode privately but could not find it through Google. If anyone can forward this to him, I would really appreciate it as these thoughts and comments have also brought a deep desire for a response to these thoughts and comments.
The Demented World proceeds donation to minority military veterans was apart of an apology package who their short and equally racist boss at the time put together. There is an odd hour segment from one of Opie and Anthony's last years on SIRIUSXM where they call him up to reminisce about the old days. Even odder is Sam, who never heard of or met their old boss, decides to become the arbiter of the impression of him which fills the segment with a strange bed of Sam parroting lines for an impression of a person he's never heard speak.
Also, I wanted to add and I appreciate or understand if you even think it's lame but Opie, in an automated stream of consciousness describing how getting into arguments online about the Opie and Anthony show is akin to "fighting ghosts", I found to be really beautiful in a sad and romantic way. The way Opie subconsciously views that part of his past to be so far removed from his present, that any piece of those memories are unquestionably unobtainable to be described as "dead" and maybe even the Opie from those days is "dead" I think deserves to be in an art museum.
Alright, I gotta get my laundry out of the dryers now Bryan but appreciate you letting me email you all of this and no rush responding! Love you, miss you.

So this is going to be a long story, but a very intriguing one (or so my friends say). Bear with me and if you could offer some advice on what to do please share. I know I'm probably just young and naive but I feel like the pain will never stop. Like I'm going to always be held back by this particular experience.
Also sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors, English isn't my first language.
So all of this begins October of 2022 when I 18 M (at the time) moved to a new city to study film. I was lucky enough to have good grades and be so passionate about this art that it kind of felt incredible to have this new beginning. I rented a small house which I decorated with my collections and all my stuff and ended up loving every second spend in it.
I'm Not very social. Thats just a fact. I've always had my school friends and some people from other activities but none of them really felt like they understood me. No sade to them, I really love them, it's just that I know my hobbies and personality are niece and weird so we don't always see eye to eye. So I wanted to overcome my social anxiety and meet new people.
For the first semester I was all alone. Completely. Spent days upon days without leaving my house if I didn't have school and even didn't have any actual human interaction if not necessary. I didn't realise how much I was hurting myself. The Second semester, someone approached me in school and asked if I could help them with the editing for their final movie, let's call him Jacob 18 M. I already was searching for a group project to join in order to pass the class so this felt like a sweet deal. The group was Jacob and 2 girls, let's call them Ellie 18 F and Hannah 18 F.
With time we started talking about more then just the movie. I was really surprised by how many things we had in common. It was the first time someone I met liked musical theatre or (and this is gonna sound sad, please don't judge me) people didn't want me to leave whenever I approached them. They invited me to things, to their homes and after school and to trips at the beach ect. We were together almost every day. Till late at night or through it. Just the 4 of us. Felt like we could rule the world.
One day i thought Ellie was flirting with me. That was a weird feeling. I'm not very good looking and had a lot of extra weight so that was pretty much the first time but my friends told me that was the case from what I was describing. I mentioned it to Jacob and he told me something I didn't expect. He told me him and Ellie were in an open relationship and were hiding it from everyone except Hannah because of his ex who was in school with us. He also confessed he once had a crush on me and that's why he approached me in the first place. He also saw Ellie flirting with me but was ok with it due to the "rules of their relationship".
I was ok with not having a romantic relationship with Ellie. She would actually become one of the closest friends I've ever had. Or so I thought.
I actually started having a crush on Hannah. She loved some of the movies I loved. Had some of my quirks so I didn't feel ashamed around her and she started watching my favourite tv show with me. During our time together everyone (even her sister and Jacob who found out I liked her) told us that when we were together we could only see each other. As if we had a unique way of communication that nobody else could understand.
I confessed my crush and she told me she felt the same way but that there where 2 problems. First that she gets very anxious about relationships, has only ever been to one and had never kissed anyone. I assured her I wasn't going to pressure anything and I only cared for her and wanted to go on a date sometime. She replied she would like that very much. The second problem she confessed was that she was in love with Jacob for months now but nobody knew. Then everything made sense. The things she did for him and all. How she acted around him. I was surprised I didn't notice it before. She told me she wanted to get over it and proceed to ask to kiss me. We kissed a lot but nothing more that night. She went home after a few hours.
The next day Hannah she felt very distant. We wanted to go to the movies with Ellie but she disappeared all day. Late at night she asked my to go for a walk since we lived near each other. Then she told me she wanted to forget everything and last night was a mistake. That her anxiety has gotten into her and although she really wanted a relationship she couldn't be in one. The next few days we talked again and she said she didn't share any of this with Jacob to have someone in the group I could talk to if I needed help. Ellie was that for her.
It was already summer so we all went to our home towns. I missed her a ton. We stilled talked and the other 2 knew something was off with me. About 2 moths later we all went to Hannah's summerhouse for vacation. We were having fun, getting drunk and all that 19-year old stuff. One night me and Hannah were watching my show together and the time felt right so I asked to kiss her. She told me no and finally told me the truth. Turns out she liked that we flirted but after kissing me she realised it wasn't anything more. Also everyone knew except me. But after all this time I had realised I was in love with this girl. I told her if she could keep all of this to herself and she said yes.
We were all still friends. But I couldn't let go. My mental health began to decent and I started feeling like they would leave me out of stuff to go hang out alone and during October I tried talking some time away to see if they would even talk to me if I didn't. They didn't even say good morning once. I tried again and again. Jacob and Ellie said we all need to talk together. They repeated the same words. Like as if it was rehearsed. I went to "the talk".
Jacob did most of the talking. He talked about boundaries and how after everything between me and Hannah the group hasn't been the same. That after I didn't tell him what happened in our vacation they went to her and forced Hannah to do so. They where all attacking me. I heard lie after lie and all followed up with "we just need some time" and that all of this was cause they loved me.
I have discussed what they accused me of with friends, family and therapists. Although I didn't not believe it at first they all confirmed it was finding little details in my day-to-day behaviour (unrelated to all of the above) and using it to kick me out. They didn't intend of even speaking to me again. Lies feed to everyone by Jacob.
I went away. I don't know if it was for the better. But for a few weeks at first and then months later, I went back to my home town. Their lies became actual blame and I got a message from Ellie saying that we are done (just one month after trying to convince me they needed time and confessing she in particular didn't even notice anything until her boyfriend accused me).
Last time I saw any of them was in December when I gave Hannah her Christmas present. I told her I wasn't trying to get her back and I would continue to keep my distance since my first priority is what she wants and I meant that. I really do love her and would do anything for her to be happy. But I miss her a ton.
It's been 5 months since then. I stopped going to school and kept my distance from anyone related to that life. I have depression and cannot think about anything else. I heard that Jacob still talk shut about me to everyone. I have realised what has happened and have discussed this with multiple common friends who have confirmed this. Jacob is Manipulating the other 2 because of the bad relationship with his parents. He knows Ellie won't do anything with anyone else despite the "open" relationship due to her luck of confidence (so it only works for him). She need him to operate in public and to deal with her extreme anxiety so he takes advantage of that and Hannah follows him everywhere with the excuse of just being a good friend.
There are so many things I couldn't include (this is a hugh post already) about more lies and proof that they where bad for me. But I can't move on. I have seeked medical help but I just cant imagine my life in the future without them. Everything is a reminder of what we've been through. Jacob used to call me his family and when I begged him for our friendship back he didn't even care. Not on my birthday, not on new years... never. I lost all of them.
I'm back now. Not sure why, whether I'm back to continue my studies or to see if I could win them back. If I could have Hannah in my life in sime form. But I'll probably see them tomorrow morning (I randomly walked behind them today, don't think they noticed me).
Please if you have any advice share it. I just want to feel happy again. Even for a second.
TL,DR: The girl I'm in love with stopped talking to me along with my 2 best friends. I can't move on and I'm supposed to face them again in school after not seeing them for months. They all lied to me and nothing seem to help. I have depression and I dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life.

So this is going to be a long story, but a very intriguing one (or so my friends say). Bear with me and if you could offer some advice on what to do please share. I know I'm probably just young and naive but I feel like the pain will never stop. Like I'm going to always be held back by this particular experience.
Also sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors, English isn't my first language.
So all of this begins October of 2022 when I 18 M (at the time) moved to a new city to study film. I was lucky enough to have good grades and be so passionate about this art that it kind of felt incredible to have this new beginning. I rented a small house which I decorated with my collections and all my stuff and ended up loving every second spend in it.
I'm Not very social. Thats just a fact. I've always had my school friends and some people from other activities but none of them really felt like they understood me. No sade to them, I really love them, it's just that I know my hobbies and personality are niece and weird so we don't always see eye to eye. So I wanted to overcome my social anxiety and meet new people.
For the first semester I was all alone. Completely. Spent days upon days without leaving my house if I didn't have school and even didn't have any actual human interaction if not necessary. I didn't realise how much I was hurting myself. The Second semester, someone approached me in school and asked if I could help them with the editing for their final movie, let's call him Jacob 18 M. I already was searching for a group project to join in order to pass the class so this felt like a sweet deal. The group was Jacob and 2 girls, let's call them Ellie 18 F and Hannah 18 F.
With time we started talking about more then just the movie. I was really surprised by how many things we had in common. It was the first time someone I met liked musical theatre or (and this is gonna sound sad, please don't judge me) people didn't want me to leave whenever I approached them. They invited me to things, to their homes and after school and to trips at the beach ect. We were together almost every day. Till late at night or through it. Just the 4 of us. Felt like we could rule the world.
One day i thought Ellie was flirting with me. That was a weird feeling. I'm not very good looking and had a lot of extra weight so that was pretty much the first time but my friends told me that was the case from what I was describing. I mentioned it to Jacob and he told me something I didn't expect. He told me him and Ellie were in an open relationship and were hiding it from everyone except Hannah because of his ex who was in school with us. He also confessed he once had a crush on me and that's why he approached me in the first place. He also saw Ellie flirting with me but was ok with it due to the "rules of their relationship".
I was ok with not having a romantic relationship with Ellie. She would actually become one of the closest friends I've ever had. Or so I thought.
I actually started having a crush on Hannah. She loved some of the movies I loved. Had some of my quirks so I didn't feel ashamed around her and she started watching my favourite tv show with me. During our time together everyone (even her sister and Jacob who found out I liked her) told us that when we were together we could only see each other. As if we had a unique way of communication that nobody else could understand.
I confessed my crush and she told me she felt the same way but that there where 2 problems. First that she gets very anxious about relationships, has only ever been to one and had never kissed anyone. I assured her I wasn't going to pressure anything and I only cared for her and wanted to go on a date sometime. She replied she would like that very much. The second problem she confessed was that she was in love with Jacob for months now but nobody knew. Then everything made sense. The things she did for him and all. How she acted around him. I was surprised I didn't notice it before. She told me she wanted to get over it and proceed to ask to kiss me. We kissed a lot but nothing more that night. She went home after a few hours.
The next day Hannah she felt very distant. We wanted to go to the movies with Ellie but she disappeared all day. Late at night she asked my to go for a walk since we lived near each other. Then she told me she wanted to forget everything and last night was a mistake. That her anxiety has gotten into her and although she really wanted a relationship she couldn't be in one. The next few days we talked again and she said she didn't share any of this with Jacob to have someone in the group I could talk to if I needed help. Ellie was that for her.
It was already summer so we all went to our home towns. I missed her a ton. We stilled talked and the other 2 knew something was off with me. About 2 moths later we all went to Hannah's summerhouse for vacation. We were having fun, getting drunk and all that 19-year old stuff. One night me and Hannah were watching my show together and the time felt right so I asked to kiss her. She told me no and finally told me the truth. Turns out she liked that we flirted but after kissing me she realised it wasn't anything more. Also everyone knew except me. But after all this time I had realised I was in love with this girl. I told her if she could keep all of this to herself and she said yes.
We were all still friends. But I couldn't let go. My mental health began to decent and I started feeling like they would leave me out of stuff to go hang out alone and during October I tried talking some time away to see if they would even talk to me if I didn't. They didn't even say good morning once. I tried again and again. Jacob and Ellie said we all need to talk together. They repeated the same words. Like as if it was rehearsed. I went to "the talk".
Jacob did most of the talking. He talked about boundaries and how after everything between me and Hannah the group hasn't been the same. That after I didn't tell him what happened in our vacation they went to her and forced Hannah to do so. They where all attacking me. I heard lie after lie and all followed up with "we just need some time" and that all of this was cause they loved me.
I have discussed what they accused me of with friends, family and therapists. Although I didn't not believe it at first they all confirmed it was finding little details in my day-to-day behaviour (unrelated to all of the above) and using it to kick me out. They didn't intend of even speaking to me again. Lies feed to everyone by Jacob.
I went away. I don't know if it was for the better. But for a few weeks at first and then months later, I went back to my home town. Their lies became actual blame and I got a message from Ellie saying that we are done (just one month after trying to convince me they needed time and confessing she in particular didn't even notice anything until her boyfriend accused me).
Last time I saw any of them was in December when I gave Hannah her Christmas present. I told her I wasn't trying to get her back and I would continue to keep my distance since my first priority is what she wants and I meant that. I really do love her and would do anything for her to be happy. But I miss her a ton.
It's been 5 months since then. I stopped going to school and kept my distance from anyone related to that life. I have depression and cannot think about anything else. I heard that Jacob still talk shut about me to everyone. I have realised what has happened and have discussed this with multiple common friends who have confirmed this. Jacob is Manipulating the other 2 because of the bad relationship with his parents. He knows Ellie won't do anything with anyone else despite the "open" relationship due to her luck of confidence (so it only works for him). She need him to operate in public and to deal with her extreme anxiety so he takes advantage of that and Hannah follows him everywhere with the excuse of just being a good friend.
There are so many things I couldn't include (this is a hugh post already) about more lies and proof that they where bad for me. But I can't move on. I have seeked medical help but I just cant imagine my life in the future without them. Everything is a reminder of what we've been through. Jacob used to call me his family and when I begged him for our friendship back he didn't even care. Not on my birthday, not on new years... never. I lost all of them.
I'm back now. Not sure why, whether I'm back to continue my studies or to see if I could win them back. If I could have Hannah in my life in sime form. But I'll probably see them tomorrow morning (I randomly walked behind them today, don't think they noticed me).
Please if you have any advice share it. I just want to feel happy again. Even for a second.
TL,DR: The girl I'm in love with stopped talking to me along with my 2 best friends. I can't move on and I'm supposed to face them again in school after not seeing them for months. They all lied to me and nothing seem to help. I have depression and I dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life.

So this is going to be a long story, but a very intriguing one (or so my friends say). Bear with me and if you could offer some advice on what to do please share. I know I'm probably just young and naive but I feel like the pain will never stop. Like I'm going to always be held back by this particular experience.
Also sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors, English isn't my first language.
So all of this begins October of 2022 when I 18 M (at the time) moved to a new city to study film. I was lucky enough to have good grades and be so passionate about this art that it kind of felt incredible to have this new beginning. I rented a small house which I decorated with my collections and all my stuff and ended up loving every second spend in it.
I'm Not very social. Thats just a fact. I've always had my school friends and some people from other activities but none of them really felt like they understood me. No sade to them, I really love them, it's just that I know my hobbies and personality are niece and weird so we don't always see eye to eye. So I wanted to overcome my social anxiety and meet new people.
For the first semester I was all alone. Completely. Spent days upon days without leaving my house if I didn't have school and even didn't have any actual human interaction if not necessary. I didn't realise how much I was hurting myself. The Second semester, someone approached me in school and asked if I could help them with the editing for their final movie, let's call him Jacob 18 M. I already was searching for a group project to join in order to pass the class so this felt like a sweet deal. The group was Jacob and 2 girls, let's call them Ellie 18 F and Hannah 18 F.
With time we started talking about more then just the movie. I was really surprised by how many things we had in common. It was the first time someone I met liked musical theatre or (and this is gonna sound sad, please don't judge me) people didn't want me to leave whenever I approached them. They invited me to things, to their homes and after school and to trips at the beach ect. We were together almost every day. Till late at night or through it. Just the 4 of us. Felt like we could rule the world.
One day i thought Ellie was flirting with me. That was a weird feeling. I'm not very good looking and had a lot of extra weight so that was pretty much the first time but my friends told me that was the case from what I was describing. I mentioned it to Jacob and he told me something I didn't expect. He told me him and Ellie were in an open relationship and were hiding it from everyone except Hannah because of his ex who was in school with us. He also confessed he once had a crush on me and that's why he approached me in the first place. He also saw Ellie flirting with me but was ok with it due to the "rules of their relationship".
I was ok with not having a romantic relationship with Ellie. She would actually become one of the closest friends I've ever had. Or so I thought.
I actually started having a crush on Hannah. She loved some of the movies I loved. Had some of my quirks so I didn't feel ashamed around her and she started watching my favourite tv show with me. During our time together everyone (even her sister and Jacob who found out I liked her) told us that when we were together we could only see each other. As if we had a unique way of communication that nobody else could understand.
I confessed my crush and she told me she felt the same way but that there where 2 problems. First that she gets very anxious about relationships, has only ever been to one and had never kissed anyone. I assured her I wasn't going to pressure anything and I only cared for her and wanted to go on a date sometime. She replied she would like that very much. The second problem she confessed was that she was in love with Jacob for months now but nobody knew. Then everything made sense. The things she did for him and all. How she acted around him. I was surprised I didn't notice it before. She told me she wanted to get over it and proceed to ask to kiss me. We kissed a lot but nothing more that night. She went home after a few hours.
The next day Hannah she felt very distant. We wanted to go to the movies with Ellie but she disappeared all day. Late at night she asked my to go for a walk since we lived near each other. Then she told me she wanted to forget everything and last night was a mistake. That her anxiety has gotten into her and although she really wanted a relationship she couldn't be in one. The next few days we talked again and she said she didn't share any of this with Jacob to have someone in the group I could talk to if I needed help. Ellie was that for her.
It was already summer so we all went to our home towns. I missed her a ton. We stilled talked and the other 2 knew something was off with me. About 2 moths later we all went to Hannah's summerhouse for vacation. We were having fun, getting drunk and all that 19-year old stuff. One night me and Hannah were watching my show together and the time felt right so I asked to kiss her. She told me no and finally told me the truth. Turns out she liked that we flirted but after kissing me she realised it wasn't anything more. Also everyone knew except me. But after all this time I had realised I was in love with this girl. I told her if she could keep all of this to herself and she said yes.
We were all still friends. But I couldn't let go. My mental health began to decent and I started feeling like they would leave me out of stuff to go hang out alone and during October I tried talking some time away to see if they would even talk to me if I didn't. They didn't even say good morning once. I tried again and again. Jacob and Ellie said we all need to talk together. They repeated the same words. Like as if it was rehearsed. I went to "the talk".
Jacob did most of the talking. He talked about boundaries and how after everything between me and Hannah the group hasn't been the same. That after I didn't tell him what happened in our vacation they went to her and forced Hannah to do so. They where all attacking me. I heard lie after lie and all followed up with "we just need some time" and that all of this was cause they loved me.
I have discussed what they accused me of with friends, family and therapists. Although I didn't not believe it at first they all confirmed it was finding little details in my day-to-day behaviour (unrelated to all of the above) and using it to kick me out. They didn't intend of even speaking to me again. Lies feed to everyone by Jacob.
I went away. I don't know if it was for the better. But for a few weeks at first and then months later, I went back to my home town. Their lies became actual blame and I got a message from Ellie saying that we are done (just one month after trying to convince me they needed time and confessing she in particular didn't even notice anything until her boyfriend accused me).
Last time I saw any of them was in December when I gave Hannah her Christmas present. I told her I wasn't trying to get her back and I would continue to keep my distance since my first priority is what she wants and I meant that. I really do love her and would do anything for her to be happy. But I miss her a ton.
It's been 5 months since then. I stopped going to school and kept my distance from anyone related to that life. I have depression and cannot think about anything else. I heard that Jacob still talk shut about me to everyone. I have realised what has happened and have discussed this with multiple common friends who have confirmed this. Jacob is Manipulating the other 2 because of the bad relationship with his parents. He knows Ellie won't do anything with anyone else despite the "open" relationship due to her luck of confidence (so it only works for him). She need him to operate in public and to deal with her extreme anxiety so he takes advantage of that and Hannah follows him everywhere with the excuse of just being a good friend.
There are so many things I couldn't include (this is a hugh post already) about more lies and proof that they where bad for me. But I can't move on. I have seeked medical help but I just cant imagine my life in the future without them. Everything is a reminder of what we've been through. Jacob used to call me his family and when I begged him for our friendship back he didn't even care. Not on my birthday, not on new years... never. I lost all of them.
I'm back now. Not sure why, whether I'm back to continue my studies or to see if I could win them back. If I could have Hannah in my life in sime form. But I'll probably see them tomorrow morning (I randomly walked behind them today, don't think they noticed me).
Please if you have any advice share it. I just want to feel happy again. Even for a second.
TL,DR: The girl I'm in love with stopped talking to me along with my 2 best friends. I can't move on and I'm supposed to face them again in school after not seeing them for months. They all lied to me and nothing seem to help. I have depression and I dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life.

I am an artist.
”Eleven evil wizard schoolgirls in an archduke's library, dressed in red and black Asmodean schoolgirl uniforms, perched on armchairs and sofas”^\1])
Sigh, at least it’s not more catgirls. I don’t even draw them well.
I stretched briefly before starting this one, my arms reaching as far as they could go behind me as I leaned back in my chair. And then my neck, back and forth, side to side, crick and crick.
20 feet away, 20 seconds, every 20 minutes, I mantra’d, looking about the office, surveying the heads above the computer screens, dutifully doing all sorts of art. My eyes met briefly with Bill and we shared something of a nod. Why was he looking at me? Eh, I was looking at him.
I turned back to my work, and began drawing on the screen. It offered me a sort of imprint of what various image gen models would have done across multiple instances. With this heat map, almost as part of my process, I can nearly always imagine some ghost of a previous key work existent - a sort of platonic form of wizard schoolgirls, or maybe an amalgamation of the forms of both schoolgirls and wizards? Who knows. Whoever pioneered the sorcery and teenagers combo must’ve done well for themself.
I began filling in the inverse and emptier spaces with basic sketches of where I’d place each wizard schoolgirl, making sure there were multiple armchairs and sofas (four and 2, yeah, that feels decent). And I’d do something interesting and move these two behind the others, maybe they’re even twins, or is that a common trope and I’ll lose creativity points?
Huh. Somebody thought this first and then drew it, or maybe the artist even then was contracted? Who knows. I started making more aggressive lines, quickly placing each face. Maybe this one’s face is covered with her hair and this one is blonde but she’s dyed her hair black. And to be bold, this one has a ponytail.
Will I make an ‘unattractive' one? I pondered for a moment...
…nah, they say they don’t, but it definitely gets penalized.
On returning pen to screen my hand was a bit too ambitious and malpracticed across the page (one benefit, I suppose, is I do get exposed to quite a few more words than I used to). But this was fine, since the pen had a built-in ‘undo’ tap.
Of course, AI tools made drawing so much easier, but that was before we realized each little shake of the artists’ lines were that much more information to train with, and no this can’t be gamed with arthritis, it’s more nuanced than just arthritic artists.
It’s hard not to be somewhat conscious of this sort of nuance to my pen-stroke, especially as I start thinking about it. So I thought about it as I traced the sofas, and awkwardly tried-not-to-consciously-do-normally-subconscious-things-but-also-is-this art that I’m doing now? Hmm… I thought about it, a weird new style of consciously doing everything you normally leave to the subconscious, by intention… and maybe this even has value in the lines produced, ah whatever, just draw the Asmodean schoolgirl uniforms. Time is passing and I pull up some reference material.
Soon I’m adding details, lamenting the inability to just paste on faces for these girls, but whatever they probably all look rather same-y and simple across the genre and etc. so I sort of just cheat and rush through this part. I make a couple lines more scraggly for good measure, and one of the girls turns out looking a bit… queasy? Sorry, I thought to the poor queasy girl. Ah well, the prompt didn’t really specify more and I get paid by byte of info. More importantly, I need to meet my daily quota.
They had to put a quota, of course, since the artists would just keep waffling about all day! As opposed to being smart like doctors and optimizing for the number of patients seen. And, of course, I think it’s much too fast, but I would think that, wouldn't I.
Now I’m adding some background detail and rather fearfully trying to make that at least a little interesting with what time I might have left, as priorities clash, but I’m more or less finishing up and soon sending it to some poor sop to color. Speaks a lot for my work, I guess, that I feel bad for whoever receives it. Sigh. Adds further diversity, apparently, to mix up contributors, and training data is paramount so I shouldn’t feel that poorly really, that’s not the point. In any case, I’m glad I don’t have to do more experimental work, mixing artists on a piece, yuck. But maybe that’s the way we’re headed.
I take a step back from the piece and sanity check it for a moment, cleaning up my wizard schoolgirls as best I can to be prim and proper, and counting them like a school mistress might on a trip. Maybe it’s like I just took a group picture. I look back to the prompt and - shit! Forgot library. And I hurriedly start drawing book spines of gibberish on a shelf that emerges from the back wall.
Luckily, we haven’t run out of content yet, twelve schoolgirls is quite different from eleven and I could have even been so bold (dumb) as to do an armchair and sofa per schoolgirl! Though I have been known to be an afficionado of mixing mediums, so I’ve got some room for pleasure with new styles. Maybe someday they’ll value more quality data over quantity and filling out this odd possibility space. But I fear that maybe that’s not something that I can even do.
Unfortunately, I never quite keep to my 20 minute cycle, whatever that means for my eyes (bad). I look at the prompt again, I look at my drawing… sanity check number two passed, good enough for me. Now, why anyone would want,
”Eleven evil wizard schoolgirls in an archduke's library, dressed in red and black Asmodean schoolgirl uniforms, perched on armchairs and sofas”
I don’t know. But I guess I get the bigger picture. I actually rather enjoy some part of the process, the human injection is like an iterative challenge. What are all the norms you are trying to subvert without getting meaningless? Even as I struggle with time constraints - to innovate is to be a little guinea pig chompin at the water bottle thingie between wheel runs.
And certainly thank goodness I don’t deal with text! I’ve heard those guys go crazy and just start to babble after some time, although a few people seem to really enjoy that. No, I just get my next prompt,
“dune movie screencap, 2021, dune movie trailer, in the color blue, and there’s a female futar --ar 16:9 --v 6.0.”^\2])
Well that’s a spoiler for the fifth book in the Dune series for anyone who searches that up for reference. And after thinking for a moment, meh, I spent one of my few rerolls.
“Robin Hood and the 7 dwarves at a disco parlor, one is happy, one is sad and those two are staring at each other, one feels sonder, one feels angry and is hopping mad with a baseball cap while one more celebrates a homerun, and one is a catgirl.”
I count in my head... Isn’t this missing a dwarf? … and what the heck is sonder?
And so, I stretched again and looked out across the office of artists. Bill was looking at me again - man we are on the same schedule today, huh. I tried to work a bit faster or slower this cycle.

1. ^https://twitter.com/ESYudkowsky/status/1738589085847937463
2. ^https://twitter.com/Rahll/status/1739003201221718466

Hey all, far and near
I’m a queer 22F who resides unemployed in Ohio, until the past few years, my life has been relatively decent for what I do and do not have. I used to work really hard and try to get what I want to the best of my abilities, although it’s difficult as hell, I try.
I was on top of not only school, but work as well, I was so certain I’d be a great individual and grow up to do amazing things, to be rightfully in the shadow of my hardworking parents. To get the chance to get out of this shit hole of a state, make a name for myself, become successful, meet a wonderful woman, start a family, the typical American dream.
Everything was as peachy as it could be for someone like me, then I graduated from high school in 2020, everything went downhill so fucking fast. I lost my job, had to finish the rest of my courses online, really rough end to my senior year because of Covid 19.
Then later that same year, I started going to college, I was doing good until I met my ex.
I was taking so many classes, I was going full time, so why would I take any less classes? It’s not like I was working.
To sum it up, she sucked up so much of my god damn time that I started to be academically dishonest, I went to community college to study computer science.
Fast forward to spring 2023, I don’t know what the fuck I learned, my ex is still being a pain in my ass, my dad fucking dies, and I haven’t held a job since 2022 (worked retail as a cashier briefly).
Fast forward to today, I’ve been unemployed for well over 2 years now, I can’t get a job in my field, and as if it wasn’t enough, I meet a chick who is from the west coast who I love more than anything on the planet.
I want to restart, I want to be successful with dignity, make enough money to support her and myself, but she’s in an even worse situation than I am, we’re both fucked. Bonus points since she’s way older than I am.
I am fucked
I want to do cybersecurity to try to salvage the little bit that I do know and the knowledge I’ve acquired while getting my associate’s, but it all feels fucking impossible. And even if I do, it seems like IT is eating shit as an industry right now. Now everyone is saying to stay AWAY from IT the moment I graduate (fun!)
I do not feel hopeful, by the time I do anything I’ll be close to my fucking 30s making shit pay and being behind everyone else, and I’m sure my current interest will move on too since I will not be independent fast enough.
At this point, a bullet through my skull is better than whatever this is.
Sorry for this post being long and probably confusing, I can’t think straight and I just want my life to mean something, but right now it truly means nothing.

Hello, whoever you are on your side of this screen.
Predictability and ordinarity bore me. The idea of casual sex makes me more asleep than a Snorlax. I also don't want to be asked "How are you?" for the millionth time. And photos - well, one is always more than enough.
I'm sure I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but I don't seek anything ordinary, either. I'm just an author and researcher currently living in Portugal, and looking for someone new and truly unique to inspire me. We can talk about pretty much anything, plus you can learn a ton of super unusual but cool stuff if you're also into culture, literature, legends, stories, etc. What else can I tell you about me? Well, I'm often told I'm the most interesting person people have ever met, but let's go here for ten groups of facts about me and my life:
1- I've travelled to over 100 countries in search of knowledge, my favourite place being the streams of water and forests in the north of the Pyrenées, where I once placed my feet in the water and meditated for days.
2- I do not have a favourite book, but I do feel many marked my life. For example, Ovid's "Ars Amatoria" (as a teen), Cicero's "De Senectute" (as an adult), the "Ramayana" (as someone eager to explore other cultures), the "Nag Hammadi Library" (as a person interested in almost-lost religious texts), etc.
3- I once met a really amazing woman, we were together for 10+ years, we never married but we both knew neither of us was going anywhere else, I lost her in 2014 (and I don't want to talk about it), and I'm perfectly comfortable being single.
4- I've published over 80 books, between my real name and various pseudonyms, with the most sold having been top 100 on Amazon, and the least sold still stuck at under 10 copies (and it's intentionally supposed to sell very little).
5- In college I studied Computer Science, Psychology, French "LLCs" and Classical + Medieval Studies, but among my many passions you can also count Theology, Philosophy, Art, Mythology, Classical Music, Western Mysticism, Languages, etc.
6- I dislike social media and photos of people. I hardly ever take photos of myself or others, but I do have an enormous collection of photos I've taken around the globe, where I mostly tried to eternalize places and moments.
7- Apart from writing, I spend most of my free time as a volunteer for projects related to Culture, Children, and Mental Welfare. I also tend to donate to charity on a monthly basis, because I feel we should try to spread to others the good things we have in our lives.
8- Although I'm 39, I'm perfectly okay talking to much younger, or much older, people, because I feel they can also teach me a lot of things that I'm not necessarily familiarized with. And, in fact, one of my biggest pleasures in "real" life is talking to random people and learning new stuff from them.
9- I survived cancer and meningitis. I'm 99% okay, with the exception of a small physical problem most people never even notice.
10- I was recently "rejected" from a buddhist monastery for health reasons, since it seems my constant need for medication for an auto-immune disease would contrast with the simple life their monks need to have. So, yeah, that's mostly why I'm back online and posting this message.
So... if you are indeed tired of the usual messages and conversations, write me. Maybe you are indeed what I seek.

I think its common knowledge in these circles that the first draft of TPM from 1994 (originally called The Beginning) is much better. Still very flawed, but a good baseline for a better movie.
For some reason, Lucas added many things in the final draft that made the movie a lot worse. It's fascinated me for a while now about how things could have been if the original script was built upon.
I have been watching videos summing up the original draft for a while now and I discovered something. Apparently Lucas gave his final TPM draft to Lawrence Kasdan a week before shooting started and asked for him to take a look at it. However, Kasdan refused because he though he wouldn't have enough time to make revisions.
I want to imagine how TPM would look if Kasdan or some other hypothetical collaborator got to see the first draft in 1994 and fixed it up. This isn't my preferred PT rewrite. This is just what I would have done if Lucas had dropped his first draft in my lap and told me to revise it.
Here are the videos I got the information from:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPHUWM3QNk0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqsD8s2W9Ho
The movie starts with an opening crawl talking about how it is a time of weakness in the Republic. The Outer Rim controlled by megacorporation's has seceded backed by droid armies. War has not broken out yet, but the galaxy is on the brink. They are now blockading the peaceful planet of Utapau to gain its rich plasma mines as well as its newly discovered Cloning formula. The Supreme Chancellor Valorum has dispatched two Jedi to investigate and/or negotiate if they can.
We then cut to a republic starship coming to land just like in the finished film. Only the Jedi are wearing samurai esqe uniforms (like the concept art), one black and one white. The black uniformed Jedi is Obi Wan Kenobi who is about 30, trained by Yoda and is already a full Jedi Knight. Very strict and by the book. The white uniformed Jedi is his brother Ben Kenobi who just became a full jedi. This is Ben's first mission without his master Oui Gon.
Ben Kenobi is very reckless and wonders why the Republic doesn't just declare war on the Confederacy already. Obi Wan argues with him while they wait in the conference room. Meanwhile Nute Gunray and the rest of the Nemoidians look more like how they do in early concept art. Much less humanoid and they speak in an alien language with subtitles.
They call Palpatine on the hologram and he is enraged that they let the Jedi land. He chokes Nute Gunray through the hologram, cowing him. They agree to kill the Jedi and things go similarly as in the finished movie. The ship is blown up, and poison gas is pumped into the conference room. Ben and Obi Wan cut their way through the battle droids and get to the hanger. They decide to stow away on the landing craft.
On the surface of Utapau they run into Jar Jar. In this version though, Jar Jar while emotional and still comic relief speaks in a normal voice and is a bit more mature. He's more of the everyman character. Ben persuades Jar Jar to take them to the Gungan city with a mind trick, this is something Obi Wan disapproves of. Ben is more unorthodox.
They get there and are captured just like the real film. The only difference is that all the Gungans have regular voices. They are taken to Governor Nass and we learn that Jar Jar was banished because he was a trouble maker who argued for more cooperation between the Gungans and Humans. As he rants, fish continuously fall through the bubble and a young gungan gathers them up and puts them outside again.
The two Jedi still convince him to call the humans and the whole bubble is engulfed in static. It is clear that communications have been cut off. The two Jedi are then given a submarine and told to try to navigate the planet core. Nobody has been able to do it in generations and it is clear Nass thinks its a suicide mission, a convenient way to get rid of three nuisances. They then travel through the planet core being attacked by various creatures while Jar Jar is kept calm through mind tricks.
We then cut to the city of Oxon (what later became Theed) where Queen Amidala who is 40 and her daughter Princess Padme around 14 are being briefed by captain Panaka and Sio Bibble. The Queen is complacent while Padme thinks they should take the fight to the Confederacy. Suddenly the droid army attacks the city and we see building being blown up and city guards killed.
The Queen, Padme, Panaka and all the other dignitaries are captured. Nute and the rest of the Nemodians show up as well to gloat like in the final movie and give some more exposition about how they want Utapaus cloning formula. We then see the Gungan submarine surfacing and the Jedi and Jar Jar sneak into the city.
They find the prisoners being walked down an alley and save them like in the real movie. Ben uses some flashy moves to finish the droids off and is almost killed by another droid while his back is turned. Obi Wan cuts the droid down and admonishes Ben for his recklessness. The Queen and co are pleased to see two Jedi knights but they are very hostile towards Jar Jar. Which the Jedi are displeased over.
They run to the hanger like the finished film and free the Pilots, however a stray blaster shot kills the Queen with Padme screaming in horror as they board the ship. The humans also try to prevent Jar Jar getting on board but the two Jedi insist upon it.
The ship gets attacked by the blockade and Naboo guards man gun positions while astromech droids finish the repair. After they get into hyperspace there is only one droid left. R2D2 who is thanked by a still in grieving Padme. She goes off down into the droid bay to be alone and runs into Jar Jar who consoles her. This starts Padmes turn towards liking the Gungans instead of being bigoted towards them.
Meanwhile Ben and Obi Wan look through the planets accessible through their damaged hyperdrive and only find one inhabited world. Tatooine, which most of the royal guards/pilots are horrified about. Still they have no choice so they land. Padme goes with the Jedi despite protests. She wants to see another planet and get some fresh air after what just happened. Panaka lets her go reluctantly because she has two Jedi to guard her. Jar Jar also goes with them because the Utapau humans say he's "stinking the ship up".
We then cut to Utapau again where Nute Gunray and the Nemoidians are talking to captured scientists about their cloning program. They look at something in a cloning tank and look impressed. Then a hologram droid walks in projecting Darth Sidious. He castigates them for their failure in letting the princess get away and they grovel before him again. Darth Sidious says its no matter, as he will send his apprentice, Darth Maul. The Sith warrior himself looks even scarier than in the film we got with him looking like the concept art, he also has blood red robes.
We cut to a balcony on Coruscant where master and apprentice talk. Maul speaks more than in TPM and says how eager he is to get revenge on the jedi, they are no match for me yada yada.
Back on Tatooine in Mos Espa we see our heroes trying to get the part they need. It is a rowdy place and a leering slimy alien (Sebulba but we don't know that yet) tries to touch Padme arm but she elbows him and after that the crowd gives them a wide berth. Obi Wan and Ben sense something, an overpowering aura of the force. They follow it and find themselves in front of Wattos junk shop.
They meet Anakin who is 14 the same age as Padme. He is mature for his age and has a bit of a chip on his shoulder from being a slave. We also meet Watto but he resists the mind tricks because of his strong will, not because of his species. Things go similarly, though the dialogue would be much better, no "are you an angel" in this version. Jar Jar still clumsily breaks a few things but it is more toned down. Watto also hits Anakin and tells him to get back to work. Ben grabs Wattos arms as he is about to hit him again while Obi Wan helps him to his feet.
The heroes get nowhere with Watto especially after stopping Wattos abuse and a sandstorm starts to blow in so Anakin offers to take them to his place. We meet Anakin's adopted mother Shmi Lars and her son Owen Lars who is older (19) and very protective of his little brother. At the dinner scene we learn about Anakin's Podracing (how he's nicknamed Skywalker) and how many people gamble on it for huge sums of money. Ben gets an Idea while we also see just how rare Jedi actually are in most of the galaxy with Owen calling them wizards.
We then see Anakin working on his Pod while talking to Padme. They both share their own struggle going up. Padme says she's never met anyone like Anakin while Anakin says he's never met anyone like her either. He then kisses her on the cheek while Jar Jar (who was watching out of boredom) jumps in surprise. Meanwhile we see the Jedi helping Shmi and Owen with the dishes.
The topic of Anakin's father comes up. We learn that Shmi's sister left Tatooine when she was young in search of adventure. Years later she came back and gave Shmi baby Anakin begging her to take care of him before leaving. She had a lightsaber on her belt same as the two Jedi now. She also tell them how Anakin is special and can see things before they happen, just like her sister.
Ben says Anakin needs to be trained as a Jedi while Obi Wan resists the idea saying he's too old. He's all about giving the family their freedom but not taking along Anakin. Owen is Obi Wans side, saying Anakin's head is already off in the clouds as it is. Being a Jedi won't help him, he needs to be grounded and down to earth. His idealism is going to get him killed. Shmi isn't sure which side to take in the argument and defers judgement until after Anakin hopefully wins the podrace tomorrow.
Ben goes out and talks to Anakin and tells him about the Jedi and the Sith. We get a whole spiel about how strong Anakin is and how he would be a great asset to the order. Meanwhile, Darth Mauls ship lands on Tatooine at dusk and he sets out different probes to find the Jedi and the Princess. He smiles evilly to himself, showing rotting teeth.
The pod racing stuff is basically the same, only Padme is outraged when Sebulba threatens Anakin and Ben/Obi Wan manage to get the freedom of Owen and Shmi as well by trickery (not sure how). There is no two headed announcer and no Jabba cameo either. At the end, in desperation, Anakin uses his force powers to crash Sebulbas pod killing him. Nobody notices that Anakin used the force except the two jedi who look on in concern
While everyone else gathers around Anakin's pod to celebrate Ben and Obi Wan have a heated argument in the shadows of the bleachers. Obi Wan takes this as a reason why Anakin shouldn't be trained while Ben thinks that it would be better to teach Anakin before he falls down the path of evil. Eventually they agree to let Anakin decide, Obi Wan saying he'll probably want to stay with his family.
However Anakin decides to go. His mother respects his decision and is proud of him while Owen is furious, but accepts the decision as well but telling Anakin that one day he'll regret his choice and when he does he's always welcome to come live with them again. The family hugs while everyone else just kind stands around.
They walk back through the desert when they encounter a probe droid. Obi Wan slashes it with his lightsaber and tells everyone to run. Everyone runs inside while Maul approaches in his speeder bike. The fight goes differently as it is a two one one fight. They all exhibit powers never seen in the original trilogy like levitating objects swirling around them, going super fact, and slow motion. Basically a Matrix fight with lightsabers before they both jump onto the ship.
The scenes as they travel to Coruscant are similar. Anakin and Padme miss their parents etc. They then arrive at Coruscant and it is basically like the finished movie in design. They land and meet Chancellor Valorem, Senator Palpatine, and Qui Gon Jinn. Qui Gon hugs Ben like a son while Palpatine talks to Padme. Padme then talks to Jar Jar about how she doesn't understand the rift between the Gungans and the Humans. We then learn that the Gungans have a large army. Padme has an idea and decides to go back to Utapau.
The senate scenes are cut down dramatically. Its more of a montage showing Padme's increasing frustration before she finally calls for a vote of no confidence while Palpatine smiles sinisterly. The Jedi Council meanwhile consists of three members. Qui Gon who is a very unorthodox Jedi mindful of the living force (wanting the jedi to go and help the common people more), Mace Windu a bastion of militaristic conservatism (wanting the Jedi to take their rightful place as generals/leaders, and Yoda who wants to stay the course on isolationism and study of the force.
We don't see the Jedi trials, Anakin just talks about them to Ben, Obi Wan and Qui Gon. He says he didn't understand them, and Qui Gon who has taken a liking to this upstart kid says he wasn't supposed to. They are all called in and Mace says Anakin shall not be trained. He is too old and there is much anger in him. Anakin is heartbroken while Obi Wan nods grimly in acceptance. Ben Kenobi however is not having it. He says he shall train Anakin with or without the councils permission. Mace denounces this as Heresy while Qui Gon smiles. Yoda sighs and says the matter will be decided after this current crisis has ended.
Ben, Obi Wan, and Qui Gon all decide to go with Padme, but Anakin is told to stay behind. There is also the discussion about how Anakin is dangerous which Anakin overhears. Being told by Ben and Qui Gon that he's not a problem and how he will be a Jedi. Anakin gets an idea and sneaks aboard the ship with the help of R2. He is quickly discovered to Obi Wans rage and Bens laughter.
They get back to Utapau and have to go through the blockade. Anakin is able to hyperspace jump between the ships and the planet with motivation from Ben. Our heroes then try to find the Gungans at their city but it has been completely blown up. We actually see this though, as well as Jar Jars sorrow before he remembers the Gungans sacred place.
They go there and like the movie Padme makes a big speech about overcoming difference, with Jar Jar intelligently backing her up. We then get ready for the battle. Anakin tinkers with a disabled battle droid and finds out there is a second droid control hidden somewhere in the palace. So the plan is set. The Gungans will distract the droids, while the humans will infiltrate the palace, one team disabling the backup control systems and the others capturing Nute or stealing starfighters that will be used to take out the droid control ship.
The plan goes into action and things are kind of similar to the finished film, though Jar Jar shows intentional heroism instead of the goofy antics in TPM. When the starfighters are launched though, Padme goes into the fighter with Anakin. Him being the pilot and Padme being the gunner. The rest of the human teams make short work of the battle droids. However when they reach Nute a surprise is awaiting them, clones.
These clones look kind of like Dark Troopers and a Super Battle droid had a kid. They decimate the Utapau soldiers while Nute flees. Meanwhile with the Jedis they disable the secondary control system but are then met with Darth Maul. It is a brutal and awe inspiring fight. 3v1 and yet Maul still comes out on top. He knocks out Qui Gon who falls of the bridge (the duel setting is the same) while taunting the other two. "This is the end of the jedi" you get the drill.
The remaining soldiers manage to kill the clones but there are not enough left to fend of the droids. They are captured same as the Gungans. Ben gets riled up, makes a mistake and is killed. Obi Wan screams and charges getting knocked into the pit, hanging on by a thread. Meanwhile Anakin and Padme manage to destroy the flagship at the same time that Obi Wan takes Ben's lightsaber and cuts Maul in half. He then says "learn not live not as my master says" and then rushes to Bens side.
Ben begs him to train Anakin and he agrees. Meanwhile the humans and Gungans are celebrating. We cut to Qui Gon and Queen Amidala's funeral. Qui Gon throws away his lightsaber and walks off. He is done with the jedi after the death of what was effectively his son. Palpatine looks at him go intrigued. Meanwhile Yoda and Obi Wan argue over Anakin's training. Obi Wan says he will train him even without the will of the council like Ben said. Yoda gives in but warns Obi Wan of his arrogance.
We then get the celebration the end.

I (21NB) have been talking to this guy (26M) for about two and a half weeks. We met at a show in my hometown (he was the guitarist for the opening band) and pretty much immediately hit it off. He stood so close to me his hair was brushing up against the side of my head and he got so excited talking about guitars I couldn't help but immediately develop a crush on him (I'm a guitarist too). We talked for a bit, I went back and watched the headliner perform, and then when I ran into him later, he gave me the guitar pick he'd performed with that night and called me by name.
I pretty much immediately left afterwards, super nervous and giddy about the whole thing, and a few hours later ended up finding his band (and by extent, him) on social media. As soon as I followed him (literally less than a minute is not an exaggeration) he followed me back and sent me a text telling me to have a good night and that it was great talking to me. He even spelled my unusual name correctly, which means he looked at my page.
We've been chatting for a few weeks. He asks me about myself, seems really happy to talk to me, and sends me videos of his band sometimes. He's talked about what he does for work, the music he listens to, etc. I know him way better than I ever expected to. It takes him a while to respond (he's got a lot going on), but he texts me at least once a day and sends me lots of :) and :0 emojis. Lots of omggggggs and lolllllls. He also seems to be interested in my hobbies and what I'm up to, even asking me to send him pictures of my art and helping me with my guitar playing.
But... there's kind of a big problem. He's in a completely different state from me. At least a two hour flight. And, yeah... I'm lucky enough to have flight benefits so I could feasibly see him if I wanted to, but I've also never been in a relationship. He definitely seems more comfortable talking to me than before, even sometimes bringing up stuff that could easily lead to more personal, private topics, but I've been kind of nervous to get into that stuff I guess.
I'm about 95% certain based on context clues that he's single, and it really seemed like he was interested in me at the show, but I just don't know how much I should let myself get invested in this. I also have no frame of reference to determine if he's even interested in me or if he just wants to be my friend because I've never been IN a relationship before.
The more I talk to him, the more I like him. He's really cute, he works with kids and he's genuinely just one of the sweetest, silliest people I've ever known. I'm REALLY, really starting to fall for this guy, and I'm just not sure how well I'd be able to handle another rejection if/when it comes to that.
I had some really traumatic shit happen to me last year involving me being SAed by a coworker who I had developed feelings for, and who did everything in his power to ruin my life after getting me to trust him. This has led me to be super cautious and I have some trust issues that developed as a result.
I just don't know what to do. Everyone keeps telling me to just enjoy it, but I just want so badly to know how he feels and I just don't really know what to do. I'd love to see him again but I don't know how I would bring that up without seeming too forward. I don't know what kind of timeline to expect either-- like, at what point would it be okay to ask to video chat? At what point could I bring up visiting him? How would I even go about presenting the idea of being in a relationship with this guy? I'm so lost.

Background: I [F20] have a narcissistic father. He is well known and appreciated as a political power In my city, but he is so manipulative to everyone. I believe that he may be kind deep down and I know he loves me as his daughter. But since he has grown in popularity and fame, he wants me to fit into a mold of a person that I am not. He constantly talks about me in his podcasts and newsletters, portraying me as a “wild child” argumentative “bra burner” type. I can’t stand it bc ppl think I’m mean before I even meet them. He also got heat in 2020 which led to my car getting keyed by far right winged ppl and my family is also harassed constantly even though I have nothing to do with his political position. Our relationship completely fell apart during Covid. He never stood up for me when people were harassing me and said he couldn’t intervene bc of his power position. He also makes fun of anyone of my multitude of hobbies to my face, but brags about them to colleagues. He says all the right things that a dad should say, but it has never been sincere. When my brother and me made him mad as kids, he would give us the silent treatment for days at a time.
Current issue: So long story, but I loved far away out of state for college to a small lib arts school so I could get away. I got lonely, fell into the wrong group, and eventually got redzoned by a senior athlete who took me under his wing. it was pretty bad for me so I talked to a teachers assistant that I was comfortable with and treated like a sister. But later on she told me that she was a mandated reporter and had to tell her boss who happened to be my professor as well. when he found out he started crying and it was the first time that I had ever experienced genuine empathy over something that had happened to me. Later on he walked me to the title IX office and waited for me to fill out a complaint and meet with the administrator. As the process continued he constantly checked on me and met with me to see how I was doing. He was also the head coach of my college sport so I was basically seeing him every day for multiple hours. I have never experienced so much support in my lifetime emotionally and philosophically. He was the first person to genuinely support my interests and invest in my mental well-being. And I know that the father figure persona may come off as delusional however multiple people noticed this dynamic and some ppl on my team even upset that I was the favorite and treated like his daughter. The next year he had even made me his teachers assistant and constantly checked on me like before. And when I got a boyfriend he interrogated him just like a dad and I got embarrassed and my teammates took notice to it that he was acting like my dad. A couple months later he told me that he was going through a divorce from what I thought was a dream couple. I had even grown close with his soon to be ex wife and felt like I was part of the family. . Regardless I continue to walk his dog every day help with class assignments and talk to him like that I was his daughter. I wouldn’t be so upset if he didn’t reciprocate the energy that I was making up about him being a father figure but it was blatantly obvious And he most definitely played a role in it. Early in this fall semester it seemed like he completely abandoned this idea of being my father especially since he got a new girlfriend. It’s not like we were attracted to each other I genuinely saw him as a father so I’m not really sure why things got mixed up here at this point. Anyways since I was assaulted my freshman year I had developed a substance abuse problem and it had gotten way out of hand this semester. Before this I could be open with him about it and he’s very kind and understanding and offered resources that were personal and his friends not just the typical school resources. Anyways since I opened up that time he’s increasingly become more distant and people have noticed. I started to think that he hated me but I’m really not sure. I mainly think now that he realize that he had crossed a boundary and he had to go back on it However he did it so abruptly but I feel completely abandoned and useless and it seems like everything we’ve ever talked about before never even happened and in the end i just think it’s a shitty thing to do you know? I think it’s totally fine to set boundaries in the beginning to not take on the role as a father figure but to take them on And then completely leave has been so detrimental to my well-being. Since I don’t have a reliable dad to go back to at home I feel like I kind of have no one except my mom but I’d really like a father figure. My mom even acknowledge that this person would be a good father figure even though mine has been present every year of my life which I thought was strange. Anyways I feel like I was just filling the gap of his divorce and his emotional pain at the time and now I think he’s grown tired of me and I don’t really know what to do and all I can say is that I am never been this depressed before And I don’t realistically know any real person to talk to about it. If any of you in this sub Reddit have experience similar to this please please please tell me how you cope. I wish I never met him.