It's been a feeling I've had for a long time. I know logically that it doesn't make sense and that things don't work like that, but it's happened too much. Especially on or around my birthday. I've had a friend fall and need stitches on my birthday, I've had one get accidentally set on fire going too close to a tiki torch. I was essentially kicked out of a school I went to because of my disability (long story, it was a private school so we weren't really sure what the legality of that is, and didn't want me going somewhere they died want me even if we could force them). I've had the typical experiences of being forgotten by family or friends, invited people to parties or hangouts nobody came to.
But my luck isn't only bad on my birthday, at this point things have gotten comically bad, one thing after another before I've even had time to recover. A pet recently had to be put down, his brother was showing signs of the same issues THAT DAY. And he's had to have 2 surgeries already that I really can't afford, and literally less than a day after the surgery it looks like it's back and I'm crushed that I spent a grand of money I don't have begging and pleading to help him because I can't lose another so soon, and it was all for nothing. I've had a series of failed relationships, including a long term girlfriend who started dropping L-bombs and then ghosted me completely, I went on a couple dates after that, even ones I thought went really well and poof, they ghosted me too. And one of the people who ghosted me ended up pulling some cruel prank on me a while after. I started seeing someone recently I really liked, and despite us working really well together there a re other complications that make it pretty clear we will never be a thing. A friend brought me out to distract me from the BS? I drop my phone and the screen shatters while we are out. I scheduled a tattoo as a birthday gift to myself before my second pet started having rapidly spreading health issues that I knew were going to cripple me financially, and I have someone who's helping me with that but won't be able to for a while, the day I was gonna get the tattoo it had to be canceled for unrelated reasons qnd pushed off, she already made the design and set asside a day for my appointment so I'd hate to cancel know, especially when I really really wanted this one thing for myself, but id hate to just keep chucking expenses on my card.
Oh and it gets so much better, I come to pick up some food from my mom today, who tells me my dad probably has cancer. He's getting the tests done tomorrow and they're saying that even if it is cancer it's a very slow moving one, but he's already in his 80s...
I legitimately feel cursed, I feel poisonous, like anything that makes me happy just keeps slipping through my fingers small or large, and all I do is bring suffering to the people around me, weather it's directly because seeing all this shit keep happening is causing them pain when they can't help, or honestly sometimes I feel like my luck is contagious and bad things start happening to people's who try and get close to me.
I had a confrontation with my girlfriend who ghosted me after like a month had passed to air things out and she basically admitted that she doesn't really have an excuse, that she loves me but my feelings can be catchy, and she's got too much going on in her life right now to be able to handle my pain amd need for support on top of that, and was too cowardly to tell me this and face the facts.
I couldn't even bring myself to be mad. I was just numb. I feel cold and I feel alone, like everything is on my shoulders and it's all on the verge of falling apart if not actively doing so. It's never enough. People keep telling me I'm so strong for managing all of this but I'm tired. I don't want to be strong anymore. I just want to be happy. I just want to feel at peace and have SOMETHING in my life that I don't think is going to crumble at my touch.
It's been plaguing my mind. I know it doesn't make logical sense but I just can't shake the feeling that the universe is out to get me, or that I'm being punished for something, the idea that I'm being punished for trying to be happy or thinking I deserve to be keeps coming up. I know it does make logical sense but every time I think I've reached my limit or found SOMETHING to enjoy about life some other huge curveball heads my way. I'm just so tired and I don't know how much more of it I can handle.
I know I have certain privileges and advantages others don't, I know there are people out there with far worse lives than me but that doesn't change how burnt out and empty I feel. I feel like I have nothing left in me and I just keep being squeezed for more and more, i keep pushing, keep trying, but what choice do I have?

Erik listened as Morna’s footsteps gave a backing beat to the rhythmic busywork of the ship. She was pacing, her shoulders hunched, pointedly not looking over Shieldbreaker’s side, averting her eyes from the retreating silhouettes of Lady Alannys and Unwelcome Guest, and the Lute and Harp flotillas in their wake.
No matter what task they busied themselves with, the ship’s crew parted to allow Morna her passage back and forth. She stopped just in front of Erik at the stern, turned on one heel and marched back to Kiera at the bow. She probably felt cramped on the ship. Erik remembered how she had walked the walls of Lordsport on the day Sigorn was injured, her relentless pace only hitching momentarily in front of the maester’s door on each cycle.
Soon she returned to him again, both eyes on the deck, though only one saw it.
“Do you want to sit down?” he asked her as she swivelled, not particularly expecting a response.
“No,” she said, and stopped. It seemed to take some effort to look back at him. “I want to hit something,” she explained. Now that she was still, hands clenched into fists, she stood out amidst the rolling motion of the oarsmen to either side.
“Once we get cruising, we can spar, if that would help?”
Morna hesitated. “I want to break something,” she clarified.
“I don’t think I can help there.”
Morna waved a hand in a way that meant she’d get over it. When she resumed her pacing, Erik followed her to the midpoint of the ship, retrieving his fiddle from the hold. He met both his wives at the bow, and brought the instrument to his chin.
Drawing the bow across the strings, he pushed a few bars of an old and nameless tune, rising notes wishing good fortune across the waves.
Morna relaxed as the answering verses whispered back to them, leaning her scarred forehead against Kiera’s shoulder. After a few moments, she straightened, pushing her hair back from her eyes.
“I’m alright,” she insisted, flexing her hands, “I just hate when I can’t do anything.”
Neither Erik nor Kiera responded. There was no need. They understood.
Three days after the fleets separated, the winds turned on them. The tips of dark clouds on the horizon spoke of a storm that Shieldbreaker and the Fiddle flotilla were only feeling the echoes of, but it was a complete headwind all the same. Everyone aboard knew what it meant, but they groaned all the same when the nausea, the strain, the third thing began.
Erik kept his focus on the fervent activity on the deck, oarsmen keeping balance, two-men teams on the spar lines, Erik’s own hands on the rudder. Hours into the nauseating back-and forth, he found his focus drifting. He called Osfryd over to take the rudder for the upcoming portside turn.
Kiera had abandoned her perch on the bow that morning, and spent the whole day with her back against the mast, rubbing her forehead, eyes closing every time the creaking sail beam swivelled over her head.
He went to the canopy at the mast, and gently pressed a kiss to Kiera’s forehead. She looked up at him, smiling apologetically.
“The creaking makes my head ache,” she said, by way of an explanation. Erik just leaned on the mast beside her, and held her hand down by his side. They watched their other wife for a time. Morna was at the windward side of the ship as it turned, helping some of the crew scrape clinging seaweed from the hull, exposed from the waterline by Shieldbreaker’s dramatic tilt.
“She’s going to heave if she keeps going like that,” Kiera commented. Erik murmured an agreement, watching the seasick stagger that was starting to come into Morna’s movements.
“You know what she’s like,” Erik said. “You and Asha grew up sailing, she thinks she has to prove herself.”
Kiera scoffed, though there was a smile hidden in her offended scowl. “Asha barely sailed.”
Erik conceded that with a shrug. “She’s Ironborn, though.”
Kiera nodded, then squeezed her eyes shut as the ship began tilting to port, the spar over their head groaning as it scraped against the mast. She had always been Erik’s softest wife. Even as the shipborne bastard of a Tyroshi merchant, her youth had been filled with more comforts than a wildling huntress or daughter of a tiny Ironborn house were ever afforded.
The deck shifted beneath them, and the hull-scrapers abandoned their posts to move to the other side. Morna passed through the cabin, teeth bared even more than her scars usually made them as she tried to breathe through the nausea.
“Fuck this,” she said conversationally, and accepted Kiera’s kiss to her scarred cheek.
“You don’t need to work yourself to the point of illness, darling,” Erik said, but she shrugged the comment off like he knew she would.
“You can help any time,” she pointed out, not unfairly.
“I’ll be over in a moment.”
Kiera shook her head. “Iemnȳ ēdrulio glaesas, dōnītsosi. I read charts and look pretty. You strong people can do the actual work.”
The storm’s wake had passed by the next day, and Erik allowed his exhausted crew a morning’s rest. The bed of sand and the cookfire were back out on the stern, Theomore frying fillets he had cut from the fish other men had pulled from the sea in the days before.
As lord and captain, Erik had the benefit of first serving, sitting with his wives under the canopy at the ship’s centre, a well-done piece of cod speared on the knife that had avenged his father.
“You’re still a kneeler, as much as the rest of them,” Morna was saying, waving a fishbone insistently. Kiera’s lips twitched into a smile at the familiar argument.
“Look, the Archon is chosen-”
“By the people with gold,” Morna interrupted.
“Yes, but you told me the Kings-Beyond-The-Wall were chosen by clan chiefs-”
“That’s not the same.”
“I’m still not sure I’m a kneeler,” Erik interjected, smiling at how Morna's face twisted into mock outrage.
“Lord Botley, I do love you, but you’re the most kneelerish person I can put up with. We’d be up raiding Bear Island, or whatsitcalled, the lion city, Lannister-port or something, if you weren’t a kneeler.”
“Those people never did anything to us,” Erik tried.
Morna pointed, catching the error. “And what did this Volantis do to us?”
“Enslaved my mother,” Kiera pointed out. Morna eyed her, making sure her wife was still in the mood for play, before she pressed on.
“Fine, what did we do, then? Why raid the Frozen Shore?”
“Well you did-” Erik caught himself before he said “raid the North.” Morna eyed him, teasing curiosity raising her mismatched eyebrows.
“You got me,” he smiled, taking another bite of cod. “I only go raiding where I can find beautiful women.”
Morna grinned at the flattery and opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by Kiera tutting in mock-outrage.
“I’m sorry, dōnītsos, but why are we stopping peacefully in Tyrosh, in that case?”
“I’ve met your father,” Erik reasoned. “Your looks come from your mother’s homeland.”
That broke the momentum of the debate as Morna barked a laugh and Kiera tried to hold one in, pinching the bridge of her nose. Erik chuckled, and managed not to flinch when the sailor called for him.
“Milord!”
Erik turned. Osfryd, leaning against the prow, hair flickering in the wind, pointed over his shoulder to the horizon before them all.
“Ship rising!” he called, by way of explanation.
Kiera was on her feet first, stepping lightly between the myriad of chatting crewmembers that Erik was surprised to see surrounding him and his wives. She reached the bow and climbed it deftly, hooking a foot in the lantern-ring as she often did. Erik and Morna followed more slowly.
“Merchant, by the shape,” Kiera said as they approached. Erik followed her gaze to the tall, barrel-hulled carrack coming over the horizon, half-silhouetted by the low morning sun. He could just make out a pennant fluttering at the tip of the tallest mast.
“Can you make out the flag?” Erik asked.
Kiera took a moment before answering, “Myrish, I think. They’re keeping dead on. You’d think they’d try to get around us, no?”
“Quicker to go through, I suppose,” Erik suggested. “Plus, they’re likely unsure how wide a fleet we have, or if we even want to attack.”
“Do we want to attack?” Morna asked.
The question drew the attention of several crewmembers, who quickly turned to listen to Erik’s answer.
Playing for time, Erik looked out at the ship again. The thought of battle made his blood tingle, but he was wary. Shallow-drafted longships like theirs were ideal for a shoreline assault, but much less suited for warfare at sea. There was a reason that the Royal Fleet consisted of dromonds and other tall ships. Attack even one Myrish trader and dozens would sink to the Drowned God’s halls. Pointless, unless there was some real reason to take that risk.
“Slavers?” Erik asked.
Kiera shook her head. “They’re heading to Dorne or the Stormlands, they know they can’t sell them there.”
“Then no.” Some men around him looked disappointed, others relieved. Erik reckoned he could guess how long each man had been sailing by that reaction.
“We’ll save our strength for a greater bounty, further East,” Erik said, his voice shifting to a commanding baritone. “To oars, men! Give them space to pass! I’ll not have them loose arrows on us for some misunderstanding.”
The knot of listeners loosened and fell away, dipping oars to water and pushing Shieldbreaker further out of the Myrish vessel’s path. The ship loomed as it came closer, and Erik saw men with crossbows take positions on the upper gunwale. A blue-haired, green-bearded man, the captain by his stance, stood at the prow and looked out at the passing fleet with suspicious eyes.
Kiera cupped her hands around her mouth and called, her voice clear and carrying as a flute, “Jemī ōdrikagon indī daor!”
We mean you no harm. It was one of the few phrases Kiera had insisted Erik learn. It got the captain’s attention, his eyes flicking across the ship until he found the speaker.
“Jaehor ojehiknon irughas!” he responded, his stance softening. The crossbowmen followed his lead. Not all of them lowered their weapons, but enough did that Erik relaxed. The captain followed with a sentence that included skoriot – where? Asking where they were from.
Erik saw Kiera give her best smile, and she gestured to the fish-covered green pennant on Shieldbreaker’s mast. “Āegenka Āja. Mȳro iksāt, kessa?”
The captain seemed to hesitate a little at her response, though Erik would have assumed that their hailing from the Iron Islands – for he recognised Āegenka Āja – was obvious from their ships. Their vessels were almost level now, and Erik could now read the curiosity in the man’s smile. He finally called, “Hen mirto Āegenka Ājor, Valyrīhos sȳrī ȳdrā!”
Kiera’s smile faltered at that, but seemed to renew with some quiet pride. “Īlōnda quptyri issa daor!”
The captain barked a laugh, and the reaction was echoed by a few chuckles among the crossbowmen. Erik couldn’t understand the joke, but laughed along anyway. Kiera leaned over to her husband.
“They are from Myr,” she confirmed. “I don’t think they’re interested in a fight.”
“Good,” Erik said. “Ask where they’re going.”
Kiera returned her attention to the passing ship. “Skoriot īlāt?” she called.
The captain pointed westward, presumably indicating his destination.
“Jelmāzmari Mōrio!”
Erik recognized the name of Storm’s End, but the rest of the man’s sentence was lost in a flurry of unfamiliar syllables. The captain rubbed thumb and forefinger together, so he gathered that he was speaking of trade with the Stormlanders.
The ship was passing them now, Shieldbreaker swaying as it was buffeted in its wake.
“Biarver aōt!” Kiera called. The man’s response was lost in the wind, but his smile told Erik that it had been some kind farewell. He watched the retreating galley with contentment. It was always good to meet a kindred spirit on the high seas.
The cawing of seagulls was the first sign they were approaching land. Always a light sleeper, Erik’s eyes shot open at the sound. Morna’s arm was still draped over his chest, her eyes closed and shallow breaths peaceful with sleep. Erik was careful as he wriggled out from beneath her, stood and stepped over her and Kiera, who had her face pressed into the nape of Morna’s neck.
Most of the rest of the crew were asleep as well, wrapped in thin blankets between the rowing benches. Three men were talking quietly to one another in the shadows to starboard, while six others played cards in the light of the new bow lantern. Back at the stern, Erik found Mathos posted at the rudder.
“Milord,” Mathos said, by way of greeting. He kept his voice low, and Erik followed suit.
“Mathos. No trouble in the night?”
“None, milord. Wind was steady, we’re dead on for the Bloodstone strait. Mind you, those smoke trails have me wondering, milord.”
Erik’s eyebrows asked his question for him, and Mathos just pointed past him, out towards the bow and the sea and the deep, dark shape of the island on the horizon, blocking the spill of starlight beyond it. Then, as his eyes adjusted to the sight, he saw them – thin, curling lines of smoke rising over the island. Five of them, tightly packed together, shining silver in the light.
Erik shrugged. They disquieted him, as well, but he voiced the most obvious objection to his worry all the same. “Bloodstone isn’t entirely uninhabited. It’s probably just a fishing village.”
Mathos gave a sort of half shrug. He obviously didn’t want to contradict his captain, but he pressed on anyway.
“Perhaps, milord, but who’s staying up to tend the fires this late? Sunrise is barely an hour away, by my reckoning. I can’t think of many reasons folk’d’ve fires kept so late.”
“Watchtowers?”
“It’s just a guess milord, but aye. What’re they keeping watch for, I wonder?”
Erik kept his eyes on the smoke, though his attention was focused inward. There was some fear there, and a hesitant surprise. Excitement boiled in his chest, but it had a core that Erik took a moment to identify. Satisfaction. Here was proof that he would not return to Lordsport unsated, that he would find more of what he sought most, as he had found first in Starfall.
The unexpected.

I feel so confused and upset all the time. I don't know if my wife is a narcissist or has BPD or something or if something else is wrong, maybe with me. I try to do my best for her, but every little thing causes a fight, sometimes even agreeing with her in the "wrong way" causes a fight. I try to highlight behavior that hurts me and she is always on the attack, never seeming concerned with my hurt, only with defending herself.
I try to tell her that the way she said something hurts me and she always responds with phrases like "Am I not allowed to express myself?" and it leaves me not knowing what to do. It's so hard to have conversations during an argument because it feels like she just ignores my questions and says whatever she feels like. I spend entire conversations trying to explain myself and ask basic questions but I always just give up because I'm so tired. And if I don't do it in the right way she gets mad at me again. I can never do anything right. She tells me she loves me that I make her feel safe and that I'm such a good listener and support system, and then 10 minutes later she's telling me that I make her feel ignored. I just want to be happy in my relationship and feel safe with her. I want to be married to someone who I feel like I can talk to without feeling scared of an argument all the time.

I've been in love with the eragon books basically my whole life and I want to get a tattoo but I'm not sure what to get I was wondering if anyone has any ideas? I'd like to get a phrase in the ancient language "Sé onr sverdar sitja hvass" is one of my personal favorites but I'm open to ideas. I'm not quite sure what tag to use so I'll just mark it as misc

Hello, I am Arcardy from taricmains. A few days ago I started playing League of Legends. I skipped the tutorial and started with Taric. And I love him. My friend Jinx (yes we call her Jinx in RL) said that I play him really well for a beginner. Got 3 kills, 2 deaths and 12 assists in my second round of LoL.
Now, since a year I own a K/DA gaming mouse. I love K/DA. And I love Ahri..
Is it hard to play her as an absolute beginner?
And more importantly: how to behave like an Ahri player? As a Taric player, I wear a pink headset from razer and I use phrases like "truly outrageous!". How to properly behave like an Ahri player and what shall I wear? Thank you!

Hello, welcome to our community dedicated to VIVIZ! Whether you're a long-time fan or a newcomer excited about their recent tour announcement, this is the place for you. Let's dive into what makes VIVIZ special and why we're all so passionate about them.

🌟 Who is VIVIZ?

VIVIZ is a South Korean girl group formed by BPM Entertainment. VIVIZ stands for “VIVId dayZ,” with the meaning of clear and intense, aiming to be artists who always proudly express their own colors in the world. The name also cleverly incorporates the members' names ('bibiji' = Eunbi + Eunbi + Umji). The fandom name is na.V (나비), which means “butterfly”. The group consists of three members:
Eunha (Jung Eunbi, 1997)
The main vocalist, known for her cute personality and emotive singing style. Eunha has contributed to many drama soundtracks. Noteworthy mentions include “Tell Me” and “Don't come with a bye”, as well as collaborations like “Inferiority Complex” and “Make U Dance”.
Sinb (Hwang Eunbi, 1998)
The main dancer who captivates with her incredible dance skills and cool personality. Sinb inspired the “Artist of the Month” segment from Studio Choom after the success of her video “Sweet but Psycho” with Mina Myoung. She also displays her singing abilities through covers like “산책” and “꽃”.
Umji (Kim Yewon, 1998)
The all-rounder and youngest member, praised for her versatility and charming personality. Umji is known for her beautiful covers of songs like “Lemon” by Kenshi Yonezu, “Secret Garden” by IU, “Love Dive” by IVE as well as her original song “eve love” that she wrote and co-composed.

💫 A Brief History

VIVIZ debuted on February 9, 2022, with their first EP, Beam of Prism and title track “BOP BOP!”. Despite being a relatively new group, the members are no strangers to the K-pop scene. All three members were previously part of the popular girl group GFRIEND. VIVIZ's formation brought together their loyal fanbase and introduced them to new fans with a fresh start and an exciting new sound.

🎶 Music and Style

VIVIZ's music is a blend of various genres, combining elements of pop, R&B, and dance. According to the members, “GFRIEND's songs were mostly sentimental, and they often struck a chord with people, but VIVIZ's music allows people to shake their body to the rhythm as it is more bubbly and bouncy.”
Beam of Prism (2022)

• Title Track: “BOP BOP!” – A vibrant and catchy debut single that quickly became a fan favorite.
• The album has fan favorites like “Lemonade” and hidden gems like “Tweet Tweet”.

Summer Vibe (2022)

• Title Track: “LOVEADE” – A sweet, summery track perfect for sunny days.
• Promoted B-side: “Love Love Love” – A fan favorite acclaimed for its house-style production and catchy hook.

VarioUS (2023)

• Title Track: “Pull Up” – A song showcasing their confident side with bold lyrics.
• Hailed as their most acclaimed and fan-favorite album, with songs like “Overdrive” and “Vanilla Sugar Killer”.

VERSUS (2024)

• Title Track: “Maniac” – Their latest release that became their biggest hit to date, highlighting their evolving sound.
• Promoted B-side: “Untie” – An electrifying song with a choreography that perfectly showcases their dance skills and stage charisma through a stunning performance video.

🔖 Official Links

Stay connected with VIVIZ through their official channels!

• Twitter: VIVIZ_official
• Instagram: viviz_official
• TikTok: VIVIZ_bpm
• YouTube: VIVIZofficial
• Fancafe: VIVIZ

📺 YouTube Content

VIVIZ offers a variety of content on their YouTube channel for fans to enjoy. You can explore these series to get to know VIVIZ better and enjoy their journey.

• VIVIZ is My Life: Their own variety show.
• VIZITRIP: A series documenting their trips.
• VEGINZ: A series following them through their schedule.
• V.HIND: Behind-the-scenes videos.
• VIVI.ZIP and VIZILOG: Vlogs and videos giving a glimpse into their daily lives.
• Music Vox: A playlist for song covers.
• SCAN VIVIZ: A web reality show with seven episodes.

🏵️ Achievements and Recognition

Since their debut, VIVIZ has garnered significant attention. They are tied with IVE as the fastest girl group to win a music show just 7 days after their debut, a testament to their impact and loyal fanbase. The choreography for “Maniac” went viral both domestically and internationally, which contributed to an impressive chart reversal as they continue to gain a following both in South Korea and internationally.

🎫 The Upcoming Tour

With the announcement of their North American tour, excitement among fans has reached new heights. This tour is organized by Leo Presents and includes dates across the USA, with venues that promise a great experience with benefits like sound check party, hi touch, group photo and fansigns.
Despite the chaotic ticket buying process, which saw the site crash and tickets sell out quickly, fans are eagerly anticipating this tour. The ticket prices and benefits were great, adding to the excitement. We welcome suggestions on how we can improve the tour experience for the community.
---
If you have any questions, feel free to ask here, long-time fans can always share their knowledge and experiences. Additionally, fans are encouraged to contribute more information about the group in the comment section, don't be shy. Share your favorite performances, covers, variety show episodes etc.
Our subreddit is a place for fans to connect, share, and celebrate all things related to VIVIZ. So feel free to introduce yourself, share your favorite VIVIZ moments, join in on the conversations and be a subreddit collaborator. Let’s support VIVIZ together and spread the love for this amazing group!

https://youtu.be/kKTWybNRR3Y?si=nmPCk4Ex5xKKbsdq
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/tragicallyhip/wellgotoo.html
Hello everyone, I hope all is well. Today we are going to be looking at the song “We’ll Go Too” which is the seventh song from the band’s third studio album Fully Completely.
This is a song where on first listen you might not think it’s as catchy or as important as other songs on this near perfect album. But the more you listen to it, the more it starts to gel with ya. It begins with this bright chugging guitar riff that is simple but drenched in reverb, with a tone that reminds me of the 80’s. It’s followed quickly by a fast strum of a distorted guitar, Sinclair’s bass and Johnny’s hi hat. Afterwards, that distorted guitar comes down and plays some nice arpeggios to give the song dynamics. It’s a huge sounding intro and it transitions nicely into the verses. I especially love the rhythm of this song. I believe it’s in a 4/4 time signature but it definitely has a swing to the drums which gives it a march type feel to fit with the song’s title.
Lyrically, this song appears to have different themes that we’ll break down, one by one. First, Gord sings “to boldly clap, in a room full of nothing.” It’s a funny thing to imagine but I see it as someone wanting to stand out in a crowd. Which in a sense is what most performers try to do. The second part of the verse is “museum's locked and it's long since past closing” which of course reminds me of the line from “Wheat Kings” where Gord sings “ it’s a museum and we're all locked up in it after dark.”
But the following lyric in this song, “you cannot know, you cannot not know, what you're knowing” is also worth noting. Again, it’s a comical line that contradicts itself, but I read it as someone who’s maybe unsure about something because they are unsure about themselves. This whole first verse could be through the perspective of someone who’s afraid of looking like idiot for wanting to stray from a social norm and of being afraid of not knowing the way to do it.
Now when the band launch into the chorus, this is the part that took a bit to grow on me. The music during the chorus is great and I have no issues with it. It’s more the way that Gord sings the chorus that threw me for a loop. It’s the note and more specially the way that Gord sings the word “what.” To my ears at first, the note just seemed a little wrong or a little off. It almost sticks out like a sore thumb. I’m not sure if that’s just a “me” thing or if that’s what Gord intention was. But now I have no issues with it and in fact I think the melody is extremely catchy now.
And lyrically, I think this chorus is from a similar perspective. Gord sings “what can we do? They’ve all gone and we’ll go too.” This sounds like someone, or a group of people, realizing that they can’t do anything to make themselves stand out so they’ll just follow everyone else. So if the crowd goes, then they will too. And it’s possible that this chorus is sung from the same person in the verse. Maybe this is them realizing they just have to follow the norm. And speaking of following things, I absolutely love the little guitar riff that follows the chorus. It’s fun, playful and really fits the vibe of the song. It starts off with some slower picking before doing some nice hammering ons to make it more bouncy.
In the second verse, Gord starts off by painting a picture of opening the curtains everyday as if he’s stuck in a routine. The real telling line to me is “I don’t know why, I’m so immunized against reforming.” It’s like this person is not sure why they are against the idea of making a change. It seems like they don’t want to follow the herd but can’t help themselves. The lyric “to coldly slap at a face full of nothing” is a nice counter balance to the very first line in the song. And the lyric “You never know, it could've been one of those looks of longing” is maybe the idea that this person is looking for the look on someone else’s face that tells them that they aren’t alone in feeling this way.
After another chorus we get this extremely tasty solo from Rob. It’s not overly long or self indulgent, but it has the perfect amount of delay to sound huge and still fit the song. Coming out of the solo we get one final chorus and one final guitar riff to end the song.
This song may be one that a lot of people skipped over on the first listen to this album. I know I was one of those people. But over the years it’s actually become one of my favorites. I feel like this song has a different sound than a lot of other Hip songs. The pocket that Sinclair and Johnny play in is extremely tight, the various licks that Rob and Paul play throughout the song really work well within in the groove, the production is perfect like the rest of the album and the lyrics feel relatable once you peel back their layers.
But what do you think of this song? Would you considered this song a deep cut? What do you think the song is about? Favorite lyrical or musical moments? And have you seen this song live?

https://youtu.be/rPIEBohSojI?si=4k_85P9EeZRXVjxQ
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/rem/getup.html
Hello everyone, I hope all is well. Today we are going back to 1998 with the band’s sixth studio album titled Green. Specifically, we are going to be talking about the second song from the album “Get Up.”
“Get Up” was the album’s fourth and final single and had a music video directed Eric Darnell who would later co produce animated movies like Antz and Madagascar. To me, this song is the perfect combination of the band having fun while displaying thought provoking lyrics and great dynamics.
The song actually begins with the music of the chorus, minus the Michael’s vocals, only including Mike’s faints vocals. The tempo of the songs really cements the idea of getting up with its fast paced drum beat, fast electric chord changes and a killer bass line. You also have some guitar slides from Peter which add to the overall textures of the song.
When we get into the verse, Bill’s drumming is less forward and fits the stop and go rhythm from Peter’s guitar strumming. We also get some hand clap percussion every now and again which adds to the bubblegum pop soundscape of the song. At the end of each line that Michael sings, we get an additional vocal from Michael singing “get up, get up!” Now you may be wondering, why isn’t it Mike singing this part? While I’m sure it was deliberate, it fits the backstory to this song. Michael wrote this song about Mike, who at the time of this album’s record session, was sleeping in late every day. So this song was basically a call for Mike to get up and work on recording the album. Funny thing is that Mike didn’t find this out until the late 1990’s when Michael told the story before playing the song during a show.
Although I think there’s more to be said about this lyrics. Sure, in the verse they are pretty simple “sleep delays my life, where does the time go? I don’t know.” Someone is sleeping away their days. And after Michael sings “you’ve got all your life” you get Mike singing “way up ahead” which ends with him singing in a falsetto for the word “ahead.”
But when the band goes back into the chorus, I feel like Michael’s lyric could take on different meanings. When he sings “dreams they complicate my life” he could be singing about actual dreams you have when you are sleeping, or maybe even nightmares. But he could also mean dreams where you aspire to do or be something. And in that sense he might be saying that his dreaming is getting in his way. I just love how the different vocals over layered on top of each other in an almost dream state way. And I like how the band opened the song with the chorus because the chorus seems to be the person dreaming and the verses are someone telling this person to wake up. Plus the chorus ends with Peter’s slide guitar and the chorus progression seeming to climb higher and higher with Mike’s vocals as if someone is waking up from a deep sleep.
In the second verse we have Michael empathizing with this person by telling them that life is hard and how they see them laying down which is similar to what he sings in the chorus. He’s sings about not knowing where to turn to in life when you face challenges and I like this lyric because it’s extremely relatable to me.
After the second verse we get another chorus. And something else I wanted to point out is that after Michael sings “dreams they complicate my life” you have another vocal singing “dreams that complement my life.” I feel like this goes back to the theory of this song being about two different meaning of the word “dream.” People dream because it complements a life style they want to create for themselves. But if you can’t make your dreams come true then they can possibly ruin your life. I also feel like some of Michael’s vocal phrasing, especially in the verse, remind me of how he sings “Hairshirt” but with a lot more energy and faster overall. Both songs even usual a similar lyric with “my life.”
Now is the time we get to the bridge and it may be the weirdest bridge that the band had created up to this point in their career. The bridge is just a bunch of toy music boxes being played at the same time, backed by a kick drum that reminds me of a heart beat. The idea is this bridge actually comes from Bill who actually came up with the idea from a dream he had. I know this sounds too good to be true but it’s real! And as weird as it is, it works perfect for this song. The dissonance of the music boxes is kinda creepy sounding at first, but it definitely fits the theme of dreaming and sleeping.
Bill leads the band back into one last chorus with a decent drum fill. And this time around Michael sings “this time, no escape, I wake up” as is the person in this song realizes that they are sleeping their life away and now they are going to wake up and do something about it. That post chorus seems to last a little longer as the band builds and ascends as Michael sings another round of “get up, get up!”
And just like that, the song is done. In less than three minutes even! Although this song was one of the weaker singles commercially for the band up to this point, I think this is one of their best songs, especially on Green. It’s a song that’s short and to the point, but it has a lot of different ideas between the lyrics’ double meanings and interesting production choices. Michael’s energetic singing is top notch and it has everything I love in a R.E.M. song. If I had a chance to see the band live, I would have loved to have heard this one.
But what do you think about this song? Is it a stronger song from Green? What do you think the song is about? Favorite musical or lyrical moments? And did you ever catch it live?

So I learned a few days ago that there were Minecraft novel books. The books were not connected to each other, like not having an overall narrative through the books, so that inspired me to make one myself.
This is a summarized version of the idea of a Minecraft series. I would love to hear your thoughts!

Minecraft: The series

Volume 1: The Giant
Chapter 1: Reincarnated

• Our main character gets reincarnated into the Minecraft game because he died due to an earthquake as he was getting ready to play Minecraft. When he gets reincarnated, we see him explore the world, and process what had happened to him, and where he was.
• Chapter 2: Night
  • Night starts to arrive, and the main character is starving. He tries to get food, but then starts to get attacked by different monsters. He finds a secret hideout and goes there, where a village was. The MC explains what happened, and the villager was a bit confused when the monsters attacked them. The village Tom helped them defeat them, and Tom invited the MC to the village.
• Chapter 3: Village
  • We go to the village named Grummor and see the iron golem battle a zombie army. The villagers come, and together they defeat it. Tom explains that the zombies have started to get more active due to the rebirth of the giant, which was a huge zombie. He explains briefly some of the giant lore and how it had a huge zombie army and loved to destroy things. Also, that the giant always rebirths every 500 years., and then we explore the village life a bit.
• Chapter 4: Life in the village
  • We see the average life in the village and what Tom does as a weaponsmith. The MC ends up working as a farmer, and his boss was very strict. Later, the MC gets invited to talk with the leader of the village, Steve. He was a normal human and not a villager, and he explains a bit about why he is the leader of the village and some other things. The main point was that he wanted to know his purpose. The MC explains his lore, and they get a bit closer, and he gets to stay.
• Chapter 5: Into the cave
  • Once again, we see the average life of the MC with the mean farmer, Archibald. This time, the MC tries to have a better relationship with his boss, but he fails. Tom explains that Archibald was a stubborn one but cared about everyone; the MC didn't believe that in the slightest. The leader asks Tom, two villagers, and the MC to go mining; they pack and head off with two new members, Dave and Bill. They were twin brothers, but the MC saw all the villagers the same way. Dave was sarcastic and joked quite a bit. Bill was a bit shy since the MC was not a villager, and in this world, everyone who is not a villager is seen as mighty and powerful. They explore the caves and get attacked by a few monsters, but all goes well. Until the creeper explodes, the land blows them away, and they fall into a mineshaft.
• Chapter 6: Mineshaft
  • In the mineshaft, the villagers get excited and try to find all the loot they can, and Tom explains that their ancestors used to live underground because the monsters were so powerful, but when their ancestors got more powerful, they started to live in the ground, and these mine shafts were stations between the villages and cities underground. The MC was fascinated. Meanwhile, Dave and Bill find an amethyst geode, explore it, and then get surrendered by cave spiders. They come running to Tom and the MC, and they try to defeat them. Realizing there was a spawner, they tried to quickly escape from the cave and succeeded .( They managed to get some of the loot before all the chaos. )
• Chapter 7: The search
  • They go to the village leader, where they get their report. Steve, the leader, promises he will go there and get the rest of the loot and destroy the spawner to see if they can get more knowledge from ancient times. The leader prepares to go to find the wandering trader. The MC asked why, and the leader said they can sometimes predict the future without realizing it. The MC told him that he initially thought he was going to buy something from him, and the leader made sure he understood that they didn't have anything valuable and that it was a waste of money. They pack, say bye to the village, and go on the journey. It took some time, and all three of them noticed that each night the zombie activity increased massively. One day when they were sleeping inside a small cave and their bags were gone with all the food, and they felt hopeless because of it. The MC started to doubt if they could find the wandering trader. All of a sudden, Tom noticed that behind them was the wandering trader, commonly called the “wanderer” or the "predictor.” In specific situations, "an idiot"

Chapter 8: Zombies rise

• The wanderer behind them made the sound of the mob, and they were all relieved. Steve tried to explain the problem and asked the wanderer if the giant had fully awakened and where their chambers were this time, since they change every time. The wanderer took some time to realize some things he said, and Steve had to repeat the phrases many times, but he still could not understand. They concluded that he was extremely dumb and decided to go back to the village with the wanderer. It was nighttime, and they got attacked by zombies. Tom, the McSteve, fought the zombies and protected the wanderer, who continued to make the sounds. After they defeated them, they left and were cautious since they were low on health. When they started to get attacked by the phantoms, the wanderer all of a sudden started to give the prediction, Hmph, hmph... big... big... very big... the mountain.“ and then started to list the coordinates of the chambers, which isn't normal; they couldn't write it down since they were still being attacked by the phantoms, but they managed to make it to the village, and the villagers realized what was happening and were ready to handle the phantoms.
• Chapter 9: Zombie attack
  • Things got rough. The villagers managed to defeat the phantoms, but one villager reported that a zombie army was approaching. The leader quickly assigned everyone their positions for the battle, and defense walls were being built, but it was already too late; the zombies were inside the village. Steve explained that the zombies were coming in four groups: one from the north, another from the east, one from the west, and so on. Steve added that after they were done here, they needed to go to defeat the giant, so he instructed the MC to be careful as he batted, so he batted against the giant. The villagers battled, and it was rough; some villagers had died and others were seriously injured.
  • Things weren't looking so good. Steve decided to evacuate the village. Everyone got ready, and in the middle of the evacuation, as some people began to run away, they started to realize that the evacuation couldn't happen anymore; they got surrounded in the village. Things only got worse. One of the zombies lit a wooden house on fire, and it slowly spread with the rest of the buildings. The villagers only option was to fight fire with fire. Literally. Some lit their sticks on fire and started to burn the zombies, and others tried to extinguish the fire that was destroying the village. Soon enough, they started to win the battle and kill off the zombie army, but they still haven't defeated the giant.
• Chapter 10: The plan
  • It was 1 a.m. in the morning, and some of the villagers started to put up the defense wall while Steve, Tom, the MC, and a few others, including the wanderer, held a meeting on how to progress. The leader gave the damage and the total deaths. Almost everyone was injured in some way, and eight villagers had died in the battle. Steve made it clear when going to the battle that the giants needed to be careful and avoid more deaths. It would be tough since there were propably over 200 zombies in the chambers and in the mountains.The zombie population was continuously increasing because there were spawners in the chambers. With that in mind, one of the villagers, Elica, who was a strong warrior and loved to fight and wanted to become the strongest warrior in the land, told them that they should just storm in and beat up the giant and its underlings. Despite Elica being a great warrior, she was overconfident. The other suggested getting help from another village, but the village they knew was too far away, and they didn't have time to search for another one nearby.
  • After thinking about what to do, the MC got an idea when he remembered what he did when he was being attacked by monsters during the night when he played Minecraft. They agree on the plan and leave the village, and as they leave, the wanderer starts to say things again: “Angry, awake, coming down” and tells the coordinates. Tom wrote them down and thanked the wanderer who suddenly passed out; someone took care of him, and they marched off with the remaining who could fight in the chambers.
• Chapter 11: Battle in the mountains,
  • As they traveled to the mountains, the MC was scared, but Tom explained that Steve was powerful and they could win. Dave and Bill, who were also them, were reassured that the leader would keep them safe, but the MC wasn't sure and wondered where he would go if he got killed here. As they marched in, there were a huge number of zombies in the hills, all coming down. The next wave. The MC and the others took their spots and started to burn the forest in a square shape, trapping the zombies. While the others tried to push them into the square, soon the others came with skeletons, spiders, creepers, and a few phantoms behind them.
  • They ran into the square, and the zombies started to fight with the other mobs, and the fire started to slowly close in while still burning areas surrounding it. They also noticed that there was a larger army from the other village, Rioria. With teamwork, they managed to kill off the zombies. They felt pretty good until they heard a very creepy and ugly voice from the sky. All of them looked up at where the giant was standing and were observing the battle.
• Chapter 12: The giant
  • We get a little backstory to the meeting where Steve explained after the meeting about the chambers, where the giant rebirthed every 500 years, from a special totem that kept rebirthing the giant every 500 years and made it fight against its will and destroy everything. Apparently the ancestors had beef with an ancient tribe who were connected to zombies, so when the tribe was wiped out, they kept reawakening the giant every 500 years in hopes of destroying the world and getting their revenge. The MC was confused about why it had to be every 500 years, and Steve explained that the giant was reborn with the power of a totem (that was a crystal in the shape of a totem). It took a long time for the totem to get enough power to be able to raise the giant back from the dead. Steve also explained that this time, they have a better chance to destroy the totem since they have gotten better materials and new villages have been built in the area, so if they came to the battle field, they could win. Another advantage they have is that they know where the chambers are, so they don't need to waste time finding them and let the zombies have time to cause more damage.
  • Back to the battle: the giant was massive, but it could only fight by stomping and waiting for more zombies to spawn from the spawners. Steve assigned Tom, the MC, Bill, Dave, and Elica to go to the chambers and find the totem-shaped crystal and break it. They agreed and went to the chambers. They had a regeneration potion, so they were fully ready to beat them up. They immediately made their way to the chambers and were ready for the battle.
• Chapter 13: The chambers
  • Going into the chambers, there were zombies, and Elica wiped them all out. Late, they got into a trap. Getting surrounded by zombies, the MC noticed it was a thing that they liked to do and found a way to escape the trap. If they charged through one way, they should get out easier, and they put the plan into action, which worked on some level, but they were still being chased by zombies. The problem was that there were a huge number of tunnels in the caves, and they had to find the specific passageway to the huge opening where the totem was. Meanwhile, on the battlefield, the giant started to go on a rampage. Steve used a few potions of harming, but understood they were no match and the fate of the village and others depended on the MC and the group he was in.
  • As they ran in the tunnels, they somehow got separated once when they accidentally left Bill behind, but they were all together, supposedly close to the area where the crystal is. They assumed that because the zombie activity was very high. Assuming they might be protecting something, like the totem. At one point, the monsters came both ways, and they had no exit; they were stuck. Things weren't looking good, but Elica did not show a slight fear, took out her bow and arrow, and started to one-shot them. She commanded the others to go forward and kill them. They weren't sure about her decision since she was the strongest and she was the one shooting arrows. If she were to kill the zombies with a sword, it would have been much faster, but they didn't want to make her mad. So after surviving the attack and being super weak because of it, they make it to the area where the crystal was, and the number of zombies is huge. Alica started to make a staircase from the stone blocks, which hadn't come to mind for others before. They bridged to the crystal on the roof. It was easier than any of them imagined.
  • Meanwhile, on the battlefield outside, it started to rain, and the giant had totally destroyed them all and walked across the remaining fire like it was nothing. As he was walking towards the village, Steve couldn't imagine him destroying the village; he wouldn't let that happen. He stood up and tried his best to kill it, but he just stomped over him and continued walking. So far, they have reduced half of the giant's health, costing many lives. Many wanted to kill it, but they were all so exhausted and hurt. All of them started to lose hope and prayed that they could destroy the crystal.
  • As they bridged to the crystal, the zombies started to bridge and come towards them. They needed to destroy the crystal fast before they got killed by the zombies.
• Chapter 14: The crystal
  • Tom, whose face turned pale, explained that they couldn’t get out if they all swarmed inside this cave. The MC thought that all the zombies would die if they destroyed the crystal. Tom explained that the zombies came from the spawners, not from the totem's powers. The totem did form the spawners, but according to world logic, it wasn't the totem who was making the zombies; it was the spawner. So they quickly went to the crystal on the roof and ran out of the blocks. The situation didn't look good, but Elica tried to shoot the cystalls, but only a few of the arrows managed to barely hit them.
  • During the battle, the weather got worse. Some stood up and went again to fight, causing some damage. The giant had 42% of its health left but was still standing strong and got close to the village. Steve had enough and wanted to protect the village, so he started to climb him, went close to its head, made his way close to his nose, and stabbed its eye. The giant was in pain and used his hand to get him away, but Steve managed to dodge the first time. The second time, the giant took him and was about to hit him hard on the ground, which would have killed him. Steve tried to stab its hand so he could fall and possibly survive, but to everyone's shock, the zombie just despawned. Steve fell to the ground and somehow managed to break his fall a bit with the help of the villagers, but he was seriously injured and needed immediate care.
  • In the cave, they finally managed to destroy the totem, and it exploded. David started to bridge in panic and made it safely to the other side of the cave. The zombies got closer, and Dave and Bill started to mine their way out. The MC, Elica, and Tom handled the zombies. When the tunnel was deep enough, they ran inside, blocking the exit. Elica had a torch, and they made it out. They were all tired and got filled up with what happened. Steve was in the hospital in Alavania, a city formed from 8 villages, and everyone slowly got back. The fire had died out due to the rain.
• Chapter 15: Rebuilding and continuing the journey
  • When they returned to the village, everyone cheered them on and called them heroes. They explained to the village what had happened, and the villagers were concerned about when their leader would return. The military from Alavania heard the giant’s awakening and destroyed the spawners immediately.
  • A month went by, and everyone was at peace. One day, Tom asked a few times how the MC was going to move forward. The MC wasn't sure since he was still adapting to the new life, but today he made his decision. They were on the beach having a picnic, and the MC announced to Tom that he wanted to stay and live with them. If it would be fine with Steve, the MC had no place for him to go or get back to since he just spawned here. Tom was happy to hear it, and when Dave and Bill learned that too, they were also very supportive. When Steve returned the following day, the village was very happy about his arrival. The MC asked if he could stay, and the leader didn't hesitate to say yes, and he was sure he would be a great help. Everyone celebrated, and the village took the MC with open hands. Everything was back to normal, and the MC got to explore the new world he had reincarnated into.
  • In the final pages, we see Alavania's leader come back to his throne, looking mad. His personal butler, Alvin, the leader of Alavania, asked how the meeting went. Alvania was furious and said how they just kept talking about the giant matter and some other boring stuff, when he brought up his plan, they didn't give him permission. He was mad, but he had a backup plan. He was going to go to the Woodland mansion and make a deal with the pillagers that would fulfill his life's goal. Destroying Grummor.

I tried to get rid of all the grammatical mistakes, if there are any I'm very sorry I'm not the best with these stuff. If anything does not make sense, tell me, and I will make it clear for you.
Thank you for reading!

After the text and e-mail referenced in the title, he unfriended me on Facebook and apparently blocked my phone number. Nor did he respond to my email, so maybe I’m blocked there as well. I had been in a relationship with him for several months. (Prior to that we had lengthy correspondences for a month.) We grew incredibly close. He frequently told me how special and precious I am. We said “I love you” often. He ended almost all his texts with “Love you with all my heart,” “Love always,” etc. We talked a lot about the future. Very recently he said he wanted to discuss our relationship, and that was what we planned to do the evening of the day he sent the break-up email and then blocked me. In the previous couple of weeks he said we needed to talk, but wouldn’t say about what. And each time I suggested we could talk, he either said it was too late in the evening or there wasn’t enough time. I’m confused, because one day I set aside three hours for us to talk, and he said it wasn’t enough time, so he didn’t want to talk then.
We are both over 60 years old. We both have health issues and similar difficult life issues. I thought we understood and were supporting each other. I had told him I’d never abandon him, no matter what he was going through. I’ve never loved anyone like this.
I recently had an epidural steroid spinal injection. The steroid left me with inability to sleep more than a few broken up hours and it caused me to be extremely irritable, and the side effects lasted longer than the few days I was told they would. I know it was as difficult for him to handle my uncontrollable temporary mood swings as it was for me, if not harder. I’m far from the perfect partner because of chronic health and sleep issues, but if that is why he no longer wanted to be with me, or if it was another reason, I feel I deserved to be told how he felt in person.
I’m blindsided, devastated, and heartbroken. I don’t understand. And what does using the phrase “indefinite break” mean? Does that mean he’s leaving the door open for coming back to me someday, or is it a euphemism for saying it’s over between us? I can’t stand the thought of not seeing him again, especially because I don’t know why. It hurts so bad! He is a musician who will be performing in several band concerts I planned to attend this summer. On the one hand, I want to go and sit up front so I can at least see him and and not deny myself enjoying the band because I’ve been looking forward to the shows. I wouldn’t approach him because I know he wouldn’t want me to. On the other hand, I know how awkward and uncomfortable it might be.
On a side note, one previous relationship partner did something very similar to me, although that relationship wasn’t as serious as this one. We had a pleasant date the evening before, and the next afternoon he blindsided me with an email saying he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore. Is this common break-up behavior?

Wanted to share my experience and what helped me pass the PMP. I took it in person on 5/17/24 and scored 3AT. During the exam, I was sure I was going to fail because it was HARD. Here are my takeaways from the exam:

• Lots of situational questions, and it felt like more than half of the questions were related to Agile or Hybrid.
• Not as many questions as I was expecting on the 49 processes and their ITTOs. Don't remember seeing any questions on critical path method which surprised me.
• I did not have to use the calculator at all - there were a few EVM questions, but they gave the CPI or SPI and had you identify if the project was over cost/behind schedule etc. Didn't have to use any other formulas
• Also didn't have to identify many theories which surprised me
• My exam content was much closer to PMI Study Hall than Andrew Ramdayal's practice tests
• There are three 60-question sections with official 10-min breaks in between, and you can't go back to the previous section once you start the break. My first pass on the questions was relatively fast, and I answered all but usually flagged half of them for review. I'm convinced this strategy helped me pass. Sometimes later questions would help me answer earlier questions. When I would come back to review the flagged ones, I would always feel a little more confident, and in some cases changed my answers.
• When I finished the exam, the computer told me it would take 48 hours to get my score. But when I checked out at the Pearson front desk, they gave me a printout saying I had tentatively passed the exam. I took the exam at 11am on a Friday, and at 4:30pm Saturday I got my official email from PMI with my score report.

My background:

• Worked in tech since 2014, unofficial project management 2018-2020, then scrum masteproject manageBSA 2020-2023. Worked at the same company 2016-2023, and it was "Agile" but a complete hot mess and had no PMO or good leadership support and so definitely wasn't a best practices environment
• Trainings: Certified Scrum Product Owner in 2019, Certified Scrum Master in 2020, Certified Advanced Scrum Master in 2021
• Master's in Technology Management 2022-2024. Many courses taught from or referred to the PMBOK guide. Took a few classes specifically on project management as well as Agile. I think this possibly gave me a false sense of security about how prepared I was for the exam. I knew all the concepts, but the PMP exam has such tricky phrasing and specifics that my education and experience were not sufficient to pass it.

Studying for the exam:

• Dedicated 6 weeks to studying for the exam after graduating from my Master's (unemployed so able to study full time). I do think my education reduced the time I needed to study, otherwise would have needed 2-3 months at least
• Started by taking Andrew Ramdayal's 35 hour course on Udemy. Love him. Watched the predictive videos 2 or 3 times. I don't think the course on its own is enough though.
• Took Andrew Ramdayal's 4 mock exams on Udemy. Got 72%, 73%, 72%, and 65% (IMHO the last exam had a lot of errors and typos)
• Subscribed to PMI Study Hall. 68% and 75% on two full-length exams. Mini exams: 67% on Predictive 53% on a different Predictive, 93% on Agile, 67% on Hybrid, and 80% on Mini Exam 1. 73% overall on the practice questions
• Did 4 practice tests on https://pmpexamforfree.com/ but don't remember my score. Love that after each question you get the explanation instead of at the end
• TIA PMP Exam Simulator Mini Exams: 73%, 83%, 77%
• The day before the exam I started watching David McLachlan's 150 PMBOK 7 Scenario-Based PMP Exam Questions and Answers on YouTube. Wish I did this sooner. Found it very helpful to hear him explain his reasoning aloud for each question.

Good luck, and hope this info helped!! PS I'm taking my PMI-ACP exam on 5/21/24. I felt like so much of the 2024 PMP exam was on Agile that I might as well! Am spending the days between tests cramming ACP-specific content especially the different Agile frameworks. Will update with whether I passed!

Hey Guys,
So you may be aware that western scholarship has been approaching the topic of the preservation of the Quran in depth. In the 70s, Patricia Crone wrote Hagarism which led to the development of the Revisionist School of Quranic studies. They said that because the Quran mentions vegetation and because Mecca wasn’t as large as a trading hub as Muslim tradition represents, and because the Quran seems to reference such a wide gamut of sources, it was impossible that the Quran was compiled in Arabia, but must have been in Petra or a city with greater links to the wider world, and that it was written by comities over three hundred years after the prophet.
The secondary claim of the academics is that none of the Hadith literature can be trusted. Now, I do believe that some of the Hadith (perhaps more than we assume) may have been corrupted, but I do think academia is far too dismissive of the historicity of the hadith completely. I read the Hadith in precisely the same way that I read the old testament: both contain some Wahi - or revelation - but neither is the word of God verbatim, and if anything in them directly contradicts the Quran or aql, I reject it outright. That being said, I do believe some of it is historical and goes back to the prophet and is therefore part of the Sunnah and is Wahi.
Returning to our discussion: the discovery of the Sanaa’ palimpsest put the revisionist theory to rest as the entire Quran has now been attested to around 650 - Uthman’s Quran. However scholarship has not yet been able to conclude the historicity of Abubakar’s Quran. I have attached my arguments (I have not included the arguments of the person I was discussing with because I do not have his permission to repost).
I was wondering what you think of this argument, or whether any of you are capable of carrying out or redesigning the experiment I outline here to prove the likely historicity of Abubakar’s Quran. Please note, I take on a secular tone in the text because that’s the rules of that forum which I respect, it’s academia not apologetics, not because I believe in the ideology. However, here, I hope to see what you think.
POST 1
Dr. Van Putten points out there is significant orthographic consistency in Quranic manuscripts, highlighting the way the name Ibrahim is spelled for instance.
Do you believe this could demonstrate elements of the original compilation of the Quran under Abu Bakar ?
My argument is fairly simple:

1. Uthman’s recension was done to prevent variants and to maintain a uniform authoritative codex.
2. Given that context, it doesn’t make sense to have variant spellings of proper nouns like names in a standardised text, particularly in verses adjacent to eachother which would be jarring.
3. This is not due to the fact that orthography wasn’t important, as we see meticulous care to retain the variant orthographical features across manuscripts.
4. Given the push for uniformity, there must have been a stronger push factor / reason to retain the lack of uniformity in a project whose entire purpose was uniformity.
5. The most obvious reason is that the original authoritative text that the first compilation (Abu Bakar’s tentatively) was sourced from was fragmentary: ie sourced from different fragments written by several different scribes each of whom had different spellings of proper nouns - the collection of this fragmentary material (written on perishable items according to tradition - led to the first compilation project which retained the variant spellings in the Abubakar Archetype). The Uthmanic recension had access to the Abubakar archetype but the variant spellings were retained because the fragmentary verses held the highest authority. Zaid was said to be in charge of both projects.
6. Since the original manuscript (Abu Bakar’s) was personal property of the Caliph (and wasn’t copied or in distribution until Uthman) other variants were not destroyed according to the traditional narrative, other stemma could have formed either from companion codexes or from the Uthmanic codex forward (the variants being sourced from other physically attested fragmentary pieces - therefore justifying their inclusion.
7. The most likely scenario for the text we see in my mind is the tradition: a fragmentary written archetype that was faithfully followed by Zaid ibn Thabit (and variants being included from other fragmentary attestations of the same verses).

So does the orthography suggest the narrative of the original pre-Uthmanic compilation of an authoritative text has legs / should be explored further / is the most cogent explanation of currently available data ?
Dr. Van Putten, I also reference your work in making my argument, so please let me know if I have mischaracterised it, I would also love your thoughts on this theory.
POST 2
Hey, first thank you for your response. What i was trying to say is that the spelling wasn’t standard and varied both between scribes and a single scribe may spell words differently, thats a given.
My actual point is that while that may generally be true, the fact that the uthmanic text more or less faithfully reproduces the set of variant spellings in copies suggests that the uthmanic committiee did care about the spelling, but chose not to make it uniform - otherwise the locations of the variants wouldnt be relatively consistent in copies. This, to me at least, suggests there was an archetype which had the variant spellings, which was respected as an authoritative source ie an earlier written codex which was likely fragmentary.
It’s just an assumption, you’re right, but was wondering if it has legs.
Another way to get to what i’m asking, does the evidence youve found suggest the existence of an earlier written codex as the tradition attests to ? If not, whats a better explanation for what we see ?
POST 3
Thank you again for your response, it's really an honour speaking with you.
“If the first codex wasn't a direct copy of anything,” My argument is that the first codex was a copy of written fragmentary verses.
The consistency of the Uthmanic manuscripts with regards to the spelling convention (whatever the distribution of the way a single word is spelled, that's not my focus, my focus is on the consistency with which each spelling appears in its position across manuscripts) - if that consistency is high, that strongly suggests they were aware of the different spellings because they cared enough about the spellings to reproduce them faithfully in their exact positions, but they didn't change them - and the existence of an authoritative written text that was collected from fragmentary sources / scribes (and therefore had varied spellings) would seem to have the most explanatory power for the data we do see.
What I’m inferring is that if we see this consistency in the location of certain spellings in the Uthmanic text type, the story of Abubakar's Quran explains that data best.
For clarity:
My argument actually doesn’t rely on the distribution between various spellings in the text, but rather on the fact that the position of the various spellings are maintained exactly in copies - i.e. the difference in count between the spellings isn’t relevant to this argument.
If we limit ourselves to a single codification, this creates a conundrum: on one hand they seem to care immensely about the position of various spellings (and therefore implicitly care about the spelling), but on the other hand they don’t see the differences in spellings as significant as obvious variation exists in the text - so the position of various spellings in the text is important, but the fact that there are different spellings of the same word between those precise positions is not important (as there are variants).
POST 4
This is what I reference:
Dr. Van Putten’s findings lit a light bulb off for me: the data makes most sense if the traditional narrative is correct and there were two codifications.
Van Putten: “By examining 14 early Quranic manuscripts, it is shown that this phrase is consistently spelled using only one of the two spellings in the same position in all of these different manuscripts. It is argued that such consistency can only be explained by assuming that all these manuscripts come from a single written archetype, meaning there must have been a codification project sometime in the first century.”
Sidky: “If the first codex wasn't a direct copy of anything, then there is nothing for them to care about.”
But there was something to copy according to the tradition: written fragments that had small chunks of Surahs or just had individual verses. I want to test for that - ie can the orthographic data we have not be random or just chalked up to ancients not caring about spelling, but instead be due to the fact that the verses were transcribed by different scribes. This isn’t a multiple author hypothesis - I don’t think that has credence, it is however an argument that it may be worth testing if the first codex was fragmentary, which would strongly support the traditional narrative.
The first codex wasn’t a written rendition of an oral text according to tradition, it was a compilation of fragmentary verses that were in turn the actual written editions of the oral text. The difference is significant - because if true, and assuming the fragments were small and written by the scribes then the speaker of the oral text would be the prophet himself and the variation would likely be from the prophet or from the scribes mistranscription of what he said - but because they were small fragments, this is less likely.
POST 5
My theory explains this by the strict adherence to the written fragmentary verses that Zayd collected from scribes that wrote them down. Each had a different approach to orthography, but whatever their approach when the original Abubakar Quran was collected their writing held absolute authority as it was written under the supervision of the prophet, so Zayd would be motivated to retain it exactly (if there was more than one attestations of the same verse, for instance an additional article or the lack of one, Zayd could choose to use one fragment in one codex and another fragment in another codex to preserve both as both meet the same conditions of authority). Each scribe likely had different spelling conventions, and likely applied their preferred spelling conventions with differing consistency.
A scribe that wasn’t consistent could have the same word spelled differently in the same verse, and another scribe that was meticulously consistent could have an entire Surah with completely consistent spelling - depending on what fragments were found from which scribes.
Whatever was on those fragments was likely transcribed exactly (as Zayd, the same person in charge of Uthman’s compilation, was also in charge of the first compilation project, and so likely employed the same standard of exact copying of the written text irrespective of spelling variants).
So if the traditional narrative is correct, if we had the original codex we would expect to see some natural variation in the spelling convention because it was collected from various sources with different spelling conventions - if the Uthmanic text faithfully copied that text, whatever the distribution of variants between the various words in number, we would see their exact position meticulously maintained in copies of the Uthmanic codex because the first codex would have had them and would be authoritative.
POST 6

1. The best explanation for why the Uthmanic text maintained orthographic variance is because it copied from an authoritative older written text.
2. The best explanation for why the older written text has variation in the spelling is that it was transcribed by different scribes who spelled things slightly differently. Those initial scribes would have been dictated to directly by the Prophet so their transcription would outweigh all others, so the variants we see could either be due to their mishearing, or assuming the Prophet was illiterate, he would not have been able to enforce spelling conventions, so scribes would have had creative license to write the name in the spelling convention they were most familiar with. So scribes with a Jewish background would be more likely to spell ‫ﺍ‬ ‫ﺑ‬ ‫ﺮ‬ ‫ﻫ‬ ‫ﻢ‬ and those without would spell ‫ﺍ‬ ‫ﺑ‬ ‫ﺮ‬ ‫ﻫ‬ ‫ﻴ‬ ‫ﻢ‬, but if those spellings appeared next to another word like Nimatullah and we see that both one spelling of Abraham appears every time one spelling of nimatullah appears, and a third word with variant spelling in the quran also appears in only one way when the first two have that form, then we can suggest that it comes from a single fragment that had orthographic consistency, and other fragments of the quran with a similar pattern likely come from the same scribe.

If we have a sufficient number of pairings to analyse we can build confidence that all of the verses that adhere to those pairing were written by a single scribe & confirm the Abubakar hypothesis with a degree of statistical confidence, because the story of fragmentary compilation would match the data we see, .

Instant response Tarot Readings ALL DAY Offering Spell Work 150+ Reviews Comment Below / Message
Tarot: (Voice Message Response Readings)
Yes/No - $2 Timeframe - $2 4 Cards - $7 8 Cards - $14 12 Cards - $21 18 Cards - $32
Spell Work:
$15 Manifestation Spell $15 Spiritual Enhancement Spell $15 Happiness/Love Myself Spell $15 Beauty/Confidence Spell $15 Money Spell $15 Career Spell $15 Exam Success Spell $20 Good Luck Spell $20 Popularity/Attraction Spell $20 Lust/Passion Spell $20 Protection Spell $25 Love Spell $30 Forgiveness Spell $35 Reconciliation Spell $35 Break-Up Spell $45 Third Party Spell $55 Fertility Spell
All spells come with:
° Picture(s) of the spell work ° An affirmation to say with the spell and after the spell for however long you see fit °Healing trick to go along with the spell and helps to incite manifestations of your desires °3 card tarot pull 2 days after the spell to see where the energies are at
The materials I use in my spell work are: (When I start the spell, I will let you know all the herbs, spices, oils, candles, etc I use)
°cauldron °candles °herbs °spices °my own energy for manifesting your desires
Intentions are very important when it comes to spell work, and my intentions are always of the light as I do not work with Darkness or any negative forces. I also work with deities to help along with the process of whatever we're exactly trying to manifest for you. Not only are my intentions important, but your intentions are even more important. Be sure that you are only wanting the positivity of outcomes of any party involved. We do not wish any negativity upon anyone, and I will not work on any spell work that is intentionally inflicting pain or emotional damage.
As mentioned, above, it tells you what I use. When I start the spell, I will send you the healing trick, affirmation, and ingredients used. While I'm going through the spell, I'll send you a picture of it and then we will wait for the candles to burn out. It takes a couple hours, but once they do, that signifies the energies settling into the air.
What I would need from you is:
°First & Last name Of yourself & any person involved °Picture of yourself & any person involved together or separate pictures °Any words or Phrases that have a powerful impact for you & coincides with this spell work

TW for sexual, physical, medical, emotional, and religious abuse, childhood sa, suicidal ideation, and self harm
This past week has been incredibly difficult due to that holiday so I decided it would be good for me to write a letter to my nmom to keep for myself during my healing process to get everything out and it's been very cathartic. Part of my healing journey has been sharing my (extremely personal) experience with others who understand, hence why I'm sharing this here, and maybe it'll give someone some strength knowing that I made it out after all of this. I hope everyone was kind to themselves this week and was able to treat this holiday as a holiday for themselves for surviving their nmoms!
Dear mom, Happy belated Mother’s Day. My Mother’s Day was spent being upset and anxious so I decided to write this letter. This letter is so incredibly difficult to write and even more difficult to read back to myself. Moving away from university and back home during COVID was genuinely one of the most difficult things I have done in my life simply because of all of the repressed memories that flooded back into my brain every single day I was in that house. I used to resent the pandemic for forcing me to live in an environment that made me want to harm myself every single day and die every other day, but I am now thankful for the clarity that it brought me as I don’t think I’d have the foresight that I have now.
There is a lot that I want to say. I am angry, bitter, resentful, and traumatized from things that you have done to me as a child and also as an adult. I thought for a very long time that thing were normal but thank God I now know just how truly fucked up so many of my childhood experiences were. Not a single day goes by where I don’t think about the emotional, physical, and sexual abuse that I went through. I am haunted every single day by things that you did (and some things that you didn’t do) and hope that one day I will be able to heal from what I experienced.
I grew up being close to my cousin Chloe (a year younger than me) who was obviously very bitchy, mean, and abusive. This fact isn’t something you weren’t aware of as I know a fully grown adult would be able to see how she treated and talked to me when around you and come to the obvious conclusion that I should not have been allowed to be around her. She bullied me, called me names, physically assaulted me by pushing me, pulling my hair, and sitting on me with my hands held behind my back until I couldn’t breathe, forced me to bathe in scolding hot bath water that would burn my skin, making me undress and make fun of parts of my body, and forced me to watch things that she knew would scare me. This is the same time that I started having insomnia and struggled in school due to anxiety. It’s also the same time I remember my sound sensitivity starting. Do you remember my childhood friend’s mom Amelia and how protective she was over my friend, Diana? Diana met Chloe at my 9th birthday party and Diana went over to her house for a playdate and Chloe did something to her. She physically reached over and groped Diana on the privates. I knew Amelia IMMEDIATELY prevented her daughter from ever being around Chloe again. I also knew that it's possible she mentioned this to my aunt, but I'm not positive. I know that Amelia is the type of mom to prevent Diana from reading Harry Potter because she thought it was a bad influence on her due to being “demonic”, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she made you aware of what Chloe did to Diana as she knew that I spent a lot of time around her. I doubt that what Chloe did to Diana was ever kept a secret from you. Chloe also forced me to do sexual things I didn’t want to do from roughly the ages of 8-11. One time, we were in her kitchen and she pulled out a knife and said that she was going to stab me. By then, I knew she just wanted to scare me so when I had no reaction, she put the knife away. I was terrified of what would happen if I said no to her so I went along with whatever she wanted. She would go into the bathroom and tell me to follow, would lock the door, and make me take off my clothes and let her do things to me and forced me to do the same things to her. I used to think that you had NO IDEA about this until I remember you saying the words- “you were an amazing kid and never had any problems until you got a little older. I always wondered if something happened.” Who the fuck says that to their kid???? Yeah, something DID happen and it wouldn’t have happened if you protected me!!!! You fucking idiot!!!! I remember being in our new house and taking a shower with you when I was about 8 (which was VERY inappropriate and should NEVER have happened at all) and saying something that clearly made you uncomfortable. It CLEARLY indicated something was going on. I remember the exact face you made and know that any normal, healthy adult would have done something about it and made sure nothing was happening. They would have made sure I was SAFE, and talked to me about safety, but nothing was said or done. You have failed me many times, but this one is the most painful. Not only will you need to live with the fact that you knew about my abuse and did nothing, but I will have to live with the fact that my mom knew "something happened” and didn’t care about me enough to protect me. I look at my beautiful niece Hallie, and imagine not protecting her like that and want to vomit. I cannot fathom how a mother would have the thought “I wonder if something happened to my daughter to case a massive behavioral change” and NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! You didn’t talk to me, never asked me if Chloe was doing anything, or anything at all. If I even had a minor suspicion that something was happening to Hallie, I would IMMEDIATELY do something about it because THAT IS MY JOB as an adult in her life. You failed me and deserve to know that this traumatized me and gave me PTSD. I am NOT autistic, no matter how much you WANT me to be so you can go around and gain sympathy for “having an autistic daughter” rather than owning up to the fact that you caused what “went wrong” with me.
Not only did you not help prevent me from being molested by my cousin, you also added to my sexual trauma by forcing me to use the giant egg monistat insert to treat a yeast infection when I was 11. I was ELEVEN and you had a bright idea to force a HUGE foreign object into my prepubescent body even though you were fully aware I could have easily gotten a prescription for a pill to swallow from a doctor. I was scared. I had so much pain and itching and needed a mother to hug me, tell me it’s going to be okay, or at the very least, EXPLAIN what I had and how we were going to fix it. You didn’t do any of that. You told me to lay down and proceeded to try and administer medication that is NOT meant for children 12 and under due to the physical damage it could cause. I was clearly in pain and scared, but you kept trying anyways. At any point, you could have stopped and taken me to the fucking doctor, but nope. You then got frustrated that “you couldn’t get it in” and told your 11 year old daughter to shove it inside herself. Then you left the room. I hadn’t even had a period yet, let alone know where my vagina was but you sure felt the need to yet again abandon your parental responsibilities and place them onto your kid! Miraculously, I put it in and wobbled out to lay on the couch because I was in physical pain from BOTH the infection and YOU, but because a child’s body isn’t able to properly fully insert the medication used (which once again I’ll remind you is meant for girls 13 and up), it came out and got on the couch because you didn’t give me a pad. And rather than prioritize your own daughter’s health, safety, wellbeing, and comfort, you were more upset about the stain on the couch and yelled at me. I will never forget in all of the years that I am alive how ashamed and disgusted I felt standing behind you watching you furiously scrub at the stain that I caused (actually, that YOU caused since this never should have happened in the first place!) and feeling a huge flood of guilt every time I saw that couch stain. One of the best days of my life was when we got a new couch and I never had to see that stain again.
All of this caused me to develop anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and ideation, self harming behaviors, having out of body experiences where I dissociate, and panic attacks amongst other things. YOU caused ALL of this and you fought tooth and nail to convince me that it was MY fault for being broken. “There’s something going on with you,” and you made it your mission to never take any responsibility for any of the trauma that you caused. Not only did you ignore all signs of abuse and sexually assault me yourself, you bullied and helped a family friend Sharon bully me when I was “being mean” to (her daughter) Faith. I was treated like I was a mentally ill monster who couldn’t be trusted and always got in trouble whenever Faith shed a single tear because I was “mean to her”. Faith cried at LEAST 15x a day, and I was blamed every time she decided to say I was the reason. You allowed a monster (Sharon) to ABUSE me and had the incredibly wise idea to start passing along what shit talking you two would say about me TO ME, a 13 year old girl. I was THIRTEEN. I was A CHILD. And yet, you came crying and complaining to me about how tired you were of hearing Sharon say I was being mean to her daughter when you could have TOLD THE OTHER ADULT IN THE SITUATION TO STOP. It never was my responsibility as a child to try and make another adult stop abusing me by “behaving better.” There was nothing wrong with how I was behaving. You never once tried to help me, you always blamed anybody and everybody else for your failures. I would come and ask you for help when I was struggling and if you didn’t care, you would pawn it off to somebody else- “go talk to your older sister” “talk to your therapist about that” “I don’t know what to say except to tell you to pray about it” and when I came back saying praying didn’t magically fix my depression, you told me to pray harder. I guess you really thought it was a skill issue rather than a diagnosable health condition! No wonder I wanted to die! Hahaha! I’ll never forget the look of disgust on your face when I was sobbing hysterically and struggling to get out the words when I told you just how badly I was affected by Sharon and said how you played a role in helping her harm and abuse me. “WELL. I’m SORRY if you think I didn’t protect you enough. I know what that feels like because my parent’s took my sister’s side a few weeks ago when we were having an argument” (as FULLY GROWN 50+ YEAR OLDS arguing and bitching LIKE CHILDREN!) No, mom, it’s not the same. I was a child and not only did you not stop an abuser from harming me, you joined in. You allowed her access to me and you passed along what horrible things she said was wrong with me. “SHARON said she thinks YOU’RE BIPOLAR. Do you think you are?” “Sharon told me that you’re having AN EPISODE and are being mean to Faith! Show me your phone!” Erm? I’m thirteen? What do you expect me to do? “Well, I just don’t understand why you keep bringing this up when it happened so long ago. I just hope you can forgive her and move on.” You’re fucking disgusting. Should I go into detail about how many times I asked you to not interact with Sharon more than you needed to and you proceeded to try and force her into my life more? You KNEW how uncomfortable I was with you attending Faith’s wedding and yet, you cared more about how you looked and not only attended, but hosted both her wedding and wedding shower. I have always wondered why you never cared how I feel until I realized that you prioritize yourself and how you look to other people above anything and everyone. There is a clear pattern of behavior- - When I was 17 and you were berating me at your work for wanting to visit my friend up in Boston to see a concert together because “you just didn’t understand why I’d want to do that” and I started crying. You rolled your eyes and said “you better leave now if you don’t want my next client to see you crying because her appointment is in a few minutes.” You cared more about having your random client seeing me cry and potentially thinking you’re a bad mom than comforting me. - When I was 13 and we were saying our nightly prayer the night that I had my “therapy appointment” (aka, you and my “therapist” chastising me for writing in my diary that I was having suicidal thoughts), when you were praying you said “Dear God, please help (my name)… and… pLEASE HELP ME!!!!” Clearly, YOU were affected more than I was even though I was the one wanting to die because of you. Wow. Your life is so hard! - Telling everyone around you that I “have problems” and am “really struggling” so you can gain an ounce of sympathy. The way that your friends come up and talk to me is baffling. - Laughing about me with my friends in high school when I was out of the room- “hahaha my daughter is sooooo weird hahaha” - When I was 18 and you called my “therapist” (who did NOT get my consent before doing this and violated her ethical guidelines) after I moved out and stopped talking to you, you got her to help you write a list of “rules” to force me to stay in contact with you. They consisted of requiring me to “talk to you, dad, or my sister at least 1x/day” so you “knew that I was safe” aka, you wanted to control me even though I was an adult and not living in your house. I was perfectly safe, and yet you made me sound like I was doing drug deals in the morning, prostituting myself after lunch, and had plans to commit felonies later that night. I went to school, ate, and went back to my apartment. You had no right manipulating me into talking to you by using my therapist, dad, and sister against me. Pathetic. - Telling me to go do my runs on a strange man’s property instead of the road because it’s “safer.” Dad said that this man who I’VE NEVER MET told him that “there are bad people out there who will kidnap her and do horrible things to her, SO INSTEAD she should run on MY property!” Not sketchy or rapey at all, right? And completely dismissing me when I said that made me uncomfortable by saying “my dad knows him”? Lady, do you know any rape statistics? Clearly not, because you’d then know that only 7% of assaults are strangers while 93% are family members or acquaintances. NINETY THREE PERCENT. The amount of times that I’ve mentioned someone made me uncomfortable or had a massive affect on me as a child and you’ve replied with “Oh, well did they touch you?” People don’t have to touch me to traumatize me. You’re pathetic for thinking that.
I’m not mad at Chloe. I don’t feel any anger or ill will towards her at all. She was a child just like I was a child. She was failed more than I was failed. No child acts that way and assaults other children without learning that from somewhere. I blame her parents for what happened to her. I blame YOU for what happened to me. I vividly remember things that my aunt would say the same time this was happening about little girls and their bodies and I want to smash my head against the wall. Children are to be protected above anything and everything else, by you didn’t. Do I hate Faith and think that she’s a bad person because of what happened when we were 13? No. I fully blame you and Sharon. The amount of adults that have failed me in my life keep me up at night. I think about how different my life would be had dad been more involved and seen what was going on and taken me away from you. I am angry with him for that. I dream one day I will be able to sit down with him and tell him everything I have written about and he will hug me, support me, cry with me, and apologize for not being there more to protect me. But who knows, he might defend his child abusing, mentally ill wife and say I’m making up everything. Who knows.
Do you want to know what my sister said when I told her all of this? She apologized to me for not being 15 years older than I am so she could have raised me instead. I want you to sit here and think about how fucked up that is. My own sister wishes she could have taken me away from you so you couldn’t have abused me. I imagine the pressure she must have felt having to grow up while also raising her mother and sister and I sob for her. I’ve sobbed for me for the mental anguish and torture I experienced at your hands. I’ve even sobbed for you because I can’t imagine being even a fraction of how fucked up you are to resort to abusing and neglecting your child- a child you begged to have. A child you had trouble having and prayed for. Embarrassing.
I’m never going to have a relationship with you again. If God is willing, I will never have to interact with you ever again. Saying that phrase “if God is willing” is ironic because you forcing me to pray my problems away rather than helping me led me to not believe in him. How can I believe in something that also neglected me? I’d sit in my dark bedroom night after night praying and sobbing for him to help me. I didn’t know what was happening to me, but I felt broken and alone. I now know that I was a child praying for God to take away my PTSD, and that is not possible. My heart breaks for that child.
You’re a pathetic excuse for a mother and human being. I’m truly shocked that I survived you and your abuse. I’m surprised that I didn’t ever try to kill myself to try and get away from you because you’re a vulture that prays on innocent people. The only important people in your life are people you think will give you something or will make you look good. That’s why you refused to ever cut ties with Sharon, you knew she was sexually abused as a child and you couldn’t POSSIBLY NOT be her friend because you need her to be your “friend,” or rather, your token sexually abused as a child friend. I genuinely hope that you get better and become a normal healthy person but I won’t ever be around to see it. I hope you feel even a fraction of the pain and abandonment that I have felt my entire life. Happy Mother’s Day, but today isn’t Mother’s Day for me, it’s Daughter’s Day. Moving far away from you one month ago has truly saved my life. Instead of trying to survive, I am enjoying my life. I would have died in that house. I get to finally celebrate being away from you and celebrate myself for staying strong and fighting when I could have easily given up. You once told me “you feel like I HATE you!” to guilt me into fawning over you and telling you how much I loved you, but now you get the opposite. I DO hate you and hate how you have permanently changed me and I wish to never see you again. Instead of praying for the “God forsaken, atheist, lost, evil, liar, miserable, spiteful, hateful, disgusting, mentally ill, “autistic” daughter, pray for yourself. Pray for God’s forgiveness for emotionally, medically, physically, sexually, and religiously abusing and neglecting me. You deserve to remain in your "clueless" state of "having NO IDEA what you did wrong to make her stop talking to me!" for the rest of your life.Happy Daughter’s Day.

A Swiftie posted this on FB:
There’s an upwards of 50,000 of us right now between all of the livestreams happening.
Our eyes glued to our tiny phone screens, watching a Taylor Swift concert livestream that’s so grainy, you'd think we were trying to make out a painting in a sea of static.
But do we care?
Absolutely not.
There we are, each of us, in our Swiftie command centers (a.k.a. our living rooms), singing and crying to “All Too Well” (TMVTVFTV of course!) like it’s our job. The video is glitching, freezing at the most crucial moments, but our spirits?
Unbreakable.
We're in it for the mysteries of the night. The secret songs Taylor chooses, the costume changes that leave us gasping, scrambling to see if our Swiftball predictions were correct. We cling to every single outfit reveal, the cryptic hints dropped, turning us all into overnight detectives.
And let’s not forget, Taylor has a PhD in making us clowns, keeping us on our toes with every easter egg, every eyebrow raise sending us into a frenzy of wild, hopeful speculation. It’s a role we take on the moment we hit play, a badge of honor we wear proudly. The comment section is our circus tent, a vibrant, chaotic mix of “OMG DID YOU SEE THAT?”, “OMG REP TV IS COMING 🤡!”, “Where’s Travis?”, and “Which pixel is Taylor?” comments bringing us together from all over the world, sharing our excitement and clownery.
Is it ridiculous? Maybe. Are we living our best lives? Absolutely.
Here we are…holding our breath, waiting for each costume reveal, analyzing what the phrase on her shirt means, waiting impatiently for her surprise sings, and cheering for songs we’ve streamed a million times as if we’ve never heard them before.
It's the essence of being a Swiftie. It’s what we are all about.
Finding joy, community, and excitement in the most unexpected places. 🩵
Here's to us, the proud 50k….watching grainy and glitchy livestreams, singing our hearts out, and being wildly, wonderfully, fearlessly happy.
Because maybe, just maybe, it's not about the perfect HD experience, but about the magic that happens when thousands of us come together to celebrate our queen.
Long live the Swifties! 🫶🏻✨
Also, a HUGE shout out to Tess on TikTok for helping make this happen every night for us. You’re doing great things for our swiftie community and you deserve to be recognized. We LOVE and APPRECIATE you!
Update: At 3:15PM CST there was over 150k watching at once.

“These types of people always blame their mother, you know.”
Whenever I hear that incantation, the eerily exact combination of words, I always notice the inevitable short pause just after the final syllable.
When it is spoken by someone who isn’t an actual mother, a forty-year-old man perhaps, there’s a truculent tone to it because the person knows they’re not prima facie on trial. If you have ever read Notes from the Underground, you know what I mean; the narrator attempting to trick an omniscient and omnipresent audience. What they really mean is: “of course MY mother hasn’t given me any mental issues because what would that say about ME, hm?” Their subconscious is involuntarily pushing their response in a direction they might not decide to go in if they had a chance to think logically. Or, more, if we were capable of thinking logically.
You know when you have found where the infection is because the patient yelps when you press it. How often have you accidentally stumbled upon the rot in someone’s soul? How often have you said something innocuous to someone over thirty-five that was met with a strange sort of aggression? As though suddenly possessed to say something by an evil genie, the minotaur of Nietzsche’s Beyond Good & Evil. Something that, even if you are not trained to notice minor attitudinal changes, you still pick up on as out-of-place?
It is different when a mother says it, of course. There is a tenderness present because they know they are, prima facie, on trial. It is even more different when it is your own mother saying it, and it is exceptionally more different when it’s your own mother saying it during a discussion about her mother who is dying in the room opposite.
My Grandmother had suffered a mainline shift, which is when part of someone’s brain is pushed up against the side of their skull. Some thing made to move unnaturally and unaccordingly with their natural pattern. Matter incorrectly constituted.
Myself, my mother, and my cousin were, at the time, sat around in the Long Hours. We had a spate of deaths over the course of four years, so “in the Long Hours” became a family saying, along with “resting the eyeballs” (sleeping). The Long Hours were when you would sit in a hospital for hours on end waiting for someone to die. My family, still having some sway in local healthcare, were allowed to stay past visiting hours, and given preferential treatment when beds were being allocated.
My cousin, called P., and I were in a deep discussion on Eminem’s relationship with Eminem’s mother, which was the topic of conversation on the radio; nothing but the freshest of topics for this regional DJ. We were talking about whether Eminem should forgive his mother after all this time, since forgiving your mother is the done thing where we were from. So, me, my cousin, and my mother were in the Long Hours not thinking about the antiseptic smell, not thinking about our grandmother, my mother’s mother, who was still dying in the other room, and instead thinking about how much money you need before forgiving your mother is what’s expected of you. Because when you’ve “made it” you have nothing else to prove, which means you should be able to put aside old offences. This was the mental arithmetic we were trying to solve as we talked. If we take X to be childhood trauma and Y to be a million in cold hard cash, how many Y until X becomes 0? Or maybe that’s no longer complex mental arithmetic and is becoming basic trauma algebra.
Apropos of nothing, mum blurted out “well ~I~ think after a certain age you shouldn’t blame your parents for things anymore, why do these people always blame their mothers?”
Which stopped the conversation pretty quickly.
At the time I felt attacked, because at the time I thought most things were about me. I was narcissistic in the wonderful new modern way, where instead of thinking everybody believes me to be amazing, I pathologized everyone watching and commenting on every minor mistake I had. Was my theory that the reason I had a secret social anxiety, that my mother had somehow downloaded her own anxieties onto me, revealed to the omnipresent audience? Did I wear it on my face? Was it obvious to the world?
At the time I hadn’t realised everything that was wrong with my mother, something that would later metastasize into a full-blown depression, or that what she was actually talking about was her own issues with her own parents. (See? What you were thinking before was right; everyone just needs to realise nobody is ever actually thinking of anyone but themselves.)
My grandparents always favoured her sister, P.’s mother, and my mother always resented them for that. This was the involuntary movement from my mother.
Whenever these types of shibboleths pop up – “they/these people always blame their mother” – it always feels like a borrowed phrase. Like the subject is struggling through a sub-language in a primordial plane, grasping at passing notions, anything that seems familiar. What my mother said was “why do these people always blame their mothers”, but what she meant was “please be aware that I have no hangups about my own upbringing because I’m well adjusted”, which really means “I’m terrified I’m not well adjusted because my parents didn’t love me” whose real genesis is “I’m terrified I did something to not deserve my parents love”, which has the half-caveat “and I half-believe it’s true”.
I still find it hard to forgive my mother.
But I heard the spell incanted this last week by a distant relative I have been staying with in New England. Her son had been, involuntarily, admitted to a psychiatric hospital. She was holding court about how awful the other people-who-were-there (‘patients’ being forbidden a noun) were, after a rather-too-loud argument about how she encourages co-dependency with her son. She said, “they always seem to blame their mother, these types.” Same pause at the end. Did you spot the shift? These types in this context are her son and their mother was her this time. The plea is that her son is not one of these types, thus absolving her from blame for her son’s condition.
It is a lot easier to be kinder, to see the whole beauty of the love of a mother afraid she has failed, when it’s not your mother. When it isn’t You she has maybe failed. I’m certainly not immune from these little language tricks we play on ourselves. Notice how I cushioned that last sentence with a “maybe”? I also originally typed, then corrected, that my grandmother was ON the hospital room, which was my own subconscious trying to will hospitals into being a liminal space. You ride a hospital bed the same way you ride a bus, because they’re both somewhere you go on the way to something. Because good God, imagine if this was it and you spent your entire time worrying what your mother thought of you?

Guy I'm seeing pulled me up on my bushy eyebrows and body hair in a very indirect way. I have a small treasure trail which I think is cute. The hairs are blondish so I don't go to the hassle of waxing or whatever. He didn't directly say it to me, he just brought up that isn't it weird how the beauty ideal has molded us to view women a certain way and that if they're not like that then it's kinda ick e.g. if there's a woman with hairy legs etc even though innately we should feel attracted to them because they're a woman you don't. I'm totally paraphrasing and can't remember the exact phrase he used but I asked him directly do you think my legs are hairy and he said no. I do shave my lower legs but not my upper ones which aren't hairy imo. Now I'm like fuck, guess I better get the tweezers out and laser my entire body. I guess it's good in a way. He wants me to look my best? I'm not shaving my bush though just bottom part. I told him I have a lot of testosterone soooo... and he laughed.
I'm also completely neurotic and I went for a nap after getting home from his place today and then tried calling him and he didn't answer straight away. Immediately my mind jumped to the worst and I thought he was with another girl when he was actually just out on his bike. I blocked him on whatsapp and sent him a bunch of 🐷🐷🐷 emojis. He called me and was like wtf and I'm pretty sure he now thinks I'm crazy which I am. I told him I'm sorry for being so neurotic.
His dog died recently which was honestly heartbreaking as I considered them a package deal and my favourite activity was going for walks with him and his dog. I interpreted this as a punishment from God for having premarital sex and that maybe I shouldn't be with him.
I also don't feel comfortable pooping in his house yet even though I have multiple times.
I called him twice by accident on Whatsapp when I was reading over his messages like a sap. This was in the really early days and one of the times was at 7.30 in the morning when I was half asleep. Embarrassing. We were able to laugh about it but still.. literally the complete opposite from aloof and cool. "Someone misses me" is what he said.
He smokes so I started vaping again. This is definitely bad.
I guess I'm an rs gf. I feel like I like him so much I'm going crazy. I don't even have any reasons to have trust issues. It's always been me that's sabotaged my past relationships. I'm going away for work in June so at least my mind will be on other things then. Is there any way I can let go and stop being so uptight and neurotic yet still tick all the boxes as the ideal wife? I believe it is his fault for love bombing me telling me I'm going to father his kids, move in with him and that we're going on a motorbike road trip for our honeymoon.
I genuinely should have been born a man. I tried therapy before but ghosted my therapist to join crossfit. I'm also 30 so this is all just so embarrassing. I guess the post could be titled being a modern woman is hard. I don't really have any girlfriends in my corner to slap some sense into me. Someone tell me to chill tf out or what I should do.

May be someone has/had the same problem.
I have a terrible addiction to save porn. May be more than watching it. Everytime I see nice pic or video I MUST download or add to fav it. If I can't jerk of now, i just open reddit/ph/smth else and start literally parsing subs and download good ones. I tried only adding to saves, but ownloading brings much more joy. I don't even need porn if I can't save it. Wtf? Every half of a year I make backup from phone to hdd and there is about 10k pics. Recently I have passed 1tb
I clearly defined for myself it's totally wrong. But basic advice didn't help. I have perfect social life, have a lot of hobbies, have a girlfriend I love and never ever thought about her unperfectness. The main reason want to quit it is her, second is me. Tried imagination but in a few days when I see some spicy pics I totally blow up and do it much much harder and longer, just becoming an animal for myself.
And I never watch what I saved. That's the stranges shit. Only few times when I make backup.
And I don't think I am totally horny in my mind, I don't want to fuck every woman I see, I don't watch porn in public places etc, but I do spend a lot of time on it. About 1-2 hours per day.
I know a phrase: "if you want to quit, first you must to hate it." I tried but I can't fool myself. I love. Very much. But I have no words to describe how I want to hate it.
I would appreciate any advice, thoughts, personal stories, motivation words etc.