So, I've watched the AITA videos on YouTube all the time, so I thought I would bring a couple of my stories here. (This is a long one, so bear with me.) I tried to post this on another aita page but there were too many rules. I'm sure everyone else has a more interesting story than me. also new here don't know how the app works. so chill on me.
I (19, female) recently moved out of my apartment so I could save for a better one. So, I recently went back to my moms for a bit (40, female) with her husband (35, male). Before I even thought about coming back home, my mom always told me, "Come back home. You can have the room back. Nobody helps me with the dog or clean. We missed you so much; I've been depressed since you've been gone."
Now, before I get to the story, let me give you some background on my (16, female) sister. I'll give her a fake name. Let's call her Nya. My mom would complain about how my sister (27 female), who has custody of my sister, uses my sister's taxes for herself and my niece, and Nya never gets anything. Now, I understand her frustration, but she's a hypocrite. She asked my dad's wife if she could claim me last year. Mind you, I was 18, and if Shes complaining that my sister should've gotten her taxes, then mine should've gone to me, all $5,000 of it, but I didn't trip about it at first. Well, she got me furniture with the taxes after I told her I did not want or need any furniture in my room, so I had stuff I didn't even want when I already had stuff. She told me, "When you move, you can take it." Well, I moved to my boyfriend's mom's house for a couple of months and then got my own apartment. I went to ask if I could get my furniture, and she's going to say, "Oh. Nya sleeps in here when she visits on weekends, and it's set up to be her room." she could've kept my old furniture in storage if she was going to play in my face like that. Nya only visits 8 times out of the whole month unless it's a holiday, no school, or half a day. She could've given me my furniture. I was laying on an old mattress that came from my boyfriend's moms place and it hurt our backs. I was paying so much for rent and just to live that I couldn't afford to get a new one. I really hated Nya because she knew what she was doing. On my birthday, she got gifted more things than I did because she had an attitude. But when it was hers, I didn't get NOTHING. Imagine someone else getting more gifts than you on your own birthday. They had me pierce my own nose at 15, but Nya professionally got hers done. My nose closed up, and we've done this about 6 times, but they got her pierced twice on both sides her nose. When she'd come over, if they'd go out, she'd always ask for something, and if she didn't get her way, she wouldn't speak with my mother or her husband. Almost every time I see her, she has something new that my mom got her. She comes over and uses my mom; she doesn't even hang out with my mom when she's here unless they go out. She hides in the room. And ironically, every time I leave stuff around her, it goes missing. She would steal stuff from my mom too, and the whole time, it would be something of mine that my mom was holding onto for me. Over $300 worth of stuff she's stolen or got CAUGHT stealing. She's able to call my mom a (b word), but I was told, "You can cuss; just don't ever call me a (b word)." Like my sister basically owns her at this point. You might've already seen where this was going.
My mom called me the day I was packing, which was literally Tuesday. It's been no more than 4-5 days, and it's already been so much drama. She had an attitude like she was surprised I was coming back, but me and her spoke several times the month before about it. She swore up, down, left, and right that it was okay. Silly me for thinking my mother, of all people, could be relied on. Well, she picks me up and complains how I had too many bags (it was 5 black bags and like 5 tiny grocery bags. My boyfriend had most of the other stuff, including big furniture that he was taking with his mom because she has a house. my mom has an apartment). I'm not surprised she was complaining; it's all she does. She said she didn't know what to do with the room yet because she "didn't want to pick favorites." The craziest part was Nya herself said I can stay in here and remember that its important.
She waited till about 9 o'clock PM to tell me that I could sleep in there. Now I had several bags, and they would've cried if they were all in the living room, so I took them in the room, but by now, you can probably tell nothing pleases them. A1 complainers. Well, everything was fine at first until my older sister texted me Friday night and said, 'Mom and Nya don't know how to tell you ONCE AGAIN that they don't want you in that room. I'm not trying to start drama; I just want you to know they said you moved Nya's stuff and threw it on the floor.' This did, however, create drama. Also, what does she mean by 'AGAIN'? And I didn't throw a THING on that floor. My sister literally didn't sleep the whole time because she was so ever so sick that I was in here relaxing with my man who came to visit. So, I did text my mom how I felt, and I told her about how she gets everything, but she wants to say 'bull they say you were the princess' when I was like freaking 5, yeah. What have you really done but make me feel less than the other? So comes morning, and her husband came banging on the door telling me to unlock it (the door was already unlocked. Get a load of this guy.), and I'm GROWN; this man really came at me sideways talking about 'get the f in the living room.' Mind you, I have a past with anxiety; I will faint, and they know this. I don't like arguing. I said, 'No, I'm leaving.' Now I didn't know where I was going to go yet because my boyfriend's mom has all 6 of her kids in the house right now with no space. So I had to call my Poppop the WHOLE time my stepfather would not shut up. (Ohh, brother, this guy stinks.) My mom wouldn't stop screaming, and I got stressed and screamed to just stop, and I started crying because of course, I have anxiety and I'm overwhelmed because its 3 people yelling over something they said i could do. My chest was tight, and I was shaking. Then my mom really had the audacity to tell Nya, 'She don't want u in here because she said u stole.' I told my mom to keep that private. My sister was stealing my underwear, and I told her (funny because I literally JUST bought her some clothes and underwear). I asked her to keep it between us. Oh boy, I won't tell her NOTHING again. I forgot she got a fat mouth. Anyways, I called my grandpa, and I'm his baby, so how could he ever say no? He's the only one that ever cares for me anymore. I felt bad because my mom started crying, so I said, 'I'll be back tomorrow it's ok.' Stupid, I know. Because she didn't care when I was crying and using the inhaler trying to get air.
And might I add, my sister said 'no what did I steal. She can come say it to my face.' I wanted to knock her socks off. She literally left to go to a friend's because I was in the room after she said I could be in there. That should tell you she didn't come to hang out with mom. Everything about her makes me mad. She does stuff that I do, and she thinks I don't notice. She took my style, even my personality, and my interests. Like I'm a hello kitty girl. I wear hello kitty pants, Kuromi bookbags, and just hello kitty anything including my decor. And I paint so I have hello kitty paintings (I'm good at it too), and she happened to all of a sudden like it too. My hairstyles are unique; I do my own thing. She tries to do her hair like mine. All the TV shows and YouTubers I watch, she started all of a sudden liking. At first, it was cute; I thought she looked up to me. Until I realized she's just trying to BE ME, and she doesn't even like me. Anyways, I went to my Poppop and my Nanas, and my mom tried to guilt trip me on Facebook, and I told them everything that happened, and they agree with me that my mom is being unfair, considering I will be there for about 30 days and my sister only 8 times out of the month. I told my mother that now my sister won't be comfortable coming here because she doesn't know how to just shut up and just be a mother. My nana said it was so immature to really tell Facebook that we 'hate' her. Also, can I add that I've only been here 4 days because I went to my Poppop's last night. Then my mom had the audacity to tell me to keep the room clean when it was a mess. Then when I went to clean it, she told me to leave the stuff there. My sister didn't have it clean; it was a mess. I moved out this little fireplace and 2 blankets, and that's literally what they were mad about. Excuse me for cleaning your brown smoked out and molded walls and provided more space. Excuse me for cleaning the bedding that had cat fur all over it because I couldn't breathe. Cry a river.
so aita?

Disclaimer: I’m sorry, it’s really long.
My husband (28M) and I (29F) got married in December, a couple of years back. I’d known him since school, and we reconnected on March of the year we got married. Most of the relationship was long distance, since he lives in a different continent, but he did visit me during this time, and we stayed together for a couple of months. It was magical, and we decided to go ahead and get married.
At the time of our wedding, he was on student visa, and had just completed his course. He didn’t have a job, and was applying for jobs then. I didn’t think much of it, since I’d been working for 5 years then. I assumed I could support him till he got a stable job.
Fast forward to the wedding, his parents refused to attend because they had a disagreement with my parents over the dowry. They wanted $49k as dowry, which my parents and I thought was unreasonable. He also agreed, it was indeed unreasonable. But since his parents refused to attend the wedding, he asked if I could also not invite my parents, and if it could be just the two of us at the wedding, because he’d feel awkward as no one was present for him. (it was a court marriage) Although I didn’t like this idea initially, I agreed, because I wanted him to feel happy, as it was supposed to be our day. Then he started negging me to the point, where he chose my wedding dress, down to the Color, hairstyle, cut and everything. I didn’t think much of it, to be fair.
He flies down here, we get married, and he flies back in a week.
I was supposed to travel to the country he was at, on a dependent visa. Due to diplomatic issues between the countries, my visa gets delayed over 8 months. And we didn’t know when I’d get the visa. So, my parents suggested he come here instead, so we could be together, as he did not have a job at the time and could look for one here instead. To which he agreed, but him and mil had “demands” 1. We’re to buy him a car that costs no less than $30k since we need transportation 2. We’re to either buy a house worth $90k of their liking, at his hometown, where neither my parents or I stay, or get that money deposited in a joint account that him and I’d share, so we’d have no difficulties to “settle in”
Although I find it ridiculous, my parents agreed since they couldn’t see the distance taking a toll on us. I start looking for jobs at his hometown and secure one that pays well. It had been 2 months, but he still wouldn’t even book his tickets.
Eventually, I got the visa 10 months after our marriage, and I moved in with him and his parents. It is very awkward, since he doesn’t earn, because of which, his parents have to spend for us. Everyday, he says he’s trying to find a job, but is either playing games on his phone or asleep. I ask him to help me apply for my employment documents, which he refuses to, because he suddenly wants me to be a stay at home wife. Although I worked very hard to build my career, and it breaks my heart, I agree if it’s what makes him happy. But suggest that, I’d work till he finds a job, as I’m not comfortable with his parents spending on us. But I can’t do much, since I need a work permit, and he refuses to give me his credentials to apply for the same. This causes several fights between us.
2 days after I moved in with him, mil and husband start asking about the money and the car, we’d discussed. I told him, it was only if he were to move there, which he did not. This enraged both of them, and they’d constantly call my parents up and fight over it, making me pick sides, and if I backed my parents up, they’d starve me for a day.
Two months later, I get pregnant. Mil, for some reason walks into our bathroom, sees the pregnancy test on the counter, does not say a word to me, and proceeds to call doctors to find out how to get an abortion, in front of me. Since it was illegal in the state we were at, she proceeds to call my parents and tell them we need a $100k for the hospital expenses, at the time of child birth, since I did not have an insurance. Or I could fly back to be with my parents, and he’d come visit the child and I, every year, which I found offensive.
Eventually, when my parents didn’t agree to both of it, they said I need to go home and get an abortion. When I refused, they proceeded to starve me for 3 entire days and my dad booked a ticket and helped me escape the hellhole.
After I got home, they’d constantly call and harass me, saying, don’t get the abortion, just give us the money and we could raise the child together. When we didn’t agree, because we genuinely don’t have that kind of money, and I don’t want to raise a child all by myself, I went ahead with the abortion.
There were complications during the surgery because I was too far along, and hence I was on bed rest for over a month after it. In this time, he calls and demands a divorce, since his mother has found him a “good girl” to marry.
I felt like my world fell apart, and ended up in therapy for feeling suicidal. We eventually, had no choice but agree to a divorce.
As soon as we mentioned alimony, he said he loves me very much and does not want a divorce. He calls my parents and apologises, saying he was blinded by rage, and did not mean it, and that he wants to reconcile. Both him and mil apologise to me, for how they treated me. My parents encourage me to give it another shot, and I agree. However, I want it all in writing that, he’ll never ask my parents for money again, either he’ll come here, or I’d move there, but we get a place of our own and not reside with parents and this is to happen within 6 months. Although he agrees to these terms, he refuses to give it in writing, because it’s “disrespectful”. I do not want to reconcile, because him refusing to do it is sus.
So, I tell him I’d go ahead with the divorce, to which he says, he has no money to give as alimony. When I said that is not my problem, he faked a heart attack, which went away, the moment I asked for medical documentation.
I end up choosing mental peace and say, I want no alimony, and just want to get him out of my life. The minute I say that, he becomes extremely lovey doves and is begging me to remarry him after 2 years of the divorce. I said, ABSOLUTELY NOT.
Now he’s calling all the relatives and mutual friends and painting me an asshole over it. AITA for not wanting to do anything with him and choosing my mental peace over everything?
I apologise again for the super long post.

Disclaimer: I’m sorry, it’s really long.
My husband (28M) and I (29F) got married in December, a couple of years back. I’d known him since school, and we reconnected on March of the year we got married. Most of the relationship was long distance, since he lives in a different continent, but he did visit me during this time, and we stayed together for a couple of months. It was magical, and we decided to go ahead and get married.
At the time of our wedding, he was on student visa, and had just completed his course. He didn’t have a job, and was applying for jobs then. I didn’t think much of it, since I’d been working for 5 years then. I assumed I could support him till he got a stable job.
Fast forward to the wedding, his parents refused to attend because they had a disagreement with my parents over the dowry. They wanted $49k as dowry, which my parents and I thought was unreasonable. He also agreed, it was indeed unreasonable. But since his parents refused to attend the wedding, he asked if I could also not invite my parents, and if it could be just the two of us at the wedding, because he’d feel awkward as no one was present for him. (it was a court marriage) Although I didn’t like this idea initially, I agreed, because I wanted him to feel happy, as it was supposed to be our day. Then he started negging me to the point, where he chose my wedding dress, down to the Color, hairstyle, cut and everything. I didn’t think much of it, to be fair.
He flies down here, we get married, and he flies back in a week.
I was supposed to travel to the country he was at, on a dependent visa. Due to diplomatic issues between the countries, my visa gets delayed over 8 months. And we didn’t know when I’d get the visa. So, my parents suggested he come here instead, so we could be together, as he did not have a job at the time and could look for one here instead. To which he agreed, but him and mil had “demands” 1. We’re to buy him a car that costs no less than $30k since we need transportation 2. We’re to either buy a house worth $90k of their liking, at his hometown, where neither my parents or I stay, or get that money deposited in a joint account that him and I’d share, so we’d have no difficulties to “settle in”
Although I find it ridiculous, my parents agreed since they couldn’t see the distance taking a toll on us. I start looking for jobs at his hometown and secure one that pays well. It had been 2 months, but he still wouldn’t even book his tickets.
Eventually, I got the visa 10 months after our marriage, and I moved in with him and his parents. It is very awkward, since he doesn’t earn, because of which, his parents have to spend for us. Everyday, he says he’s trying to find a job, but is either playing games on his phone or asleep. I ask him to help me apply for my employment documents, which he refuses to, because he suddenly wants me to be a stay at home wife. Although I worked very hard to build my career, and it breaks my heart, I agree if it’s what makes him happy. But suggest that, I’d work till he finds a job, as I’m not comfortable with his parents spending on us. But I can’t do much, since I need a work permit, and he refuses to give me his credentials to apply for the same. This causes several fights between us.
2 days after I moved in with him, mil and husband start asking about the money and the car, we’d discussed. I told him, it was only if he were to move there, which he did not. This enraged both of them, and they’d constantly call my parents up and fight over it, making me pick sides, and if I backed my parents up, they’d starve me for a day.
Two months later, I get pregnant. Mil, for some reason walks into our bathroom, sees the pregnancy test on the counter, does not say a word to me, and proceeds to call doctors to find out how to get an abortion, in front of me. Since it was illegal in the state we were at, she proceeds to call my parents and tell them we need a $100k for the hospital expenses, at the time of child birth, since I did not have an insurance. Or I could fly back to be with my parents, and he’d come visit the child and I, every year, which I found offensive.
Eventually, when my parents didn’t agree to both of it, they said I need to go home and get an abortion. When I refused, they proceeded to starve me for 3 entire days and my dad booked a ticket and helped me escape the hellhole.
After I got home, they’d constantly call and harass me, saying, don’t get the abortion, just give us the money and we could raise the child together. When we didn’t agree, because we genuinely don’t have that kind of money, and I don’t want to raise a child all by myself, I went ahead with the abortion.
There were complications during the surgery because I was too far along, and hence I was on bed rest for over a month after it. In this time, he calls and demands a divorce, since his mother has found him a “good girl” to marry.
I felt like my world fell apart, and ended up in therapy for feeling suicidal. We eventually, had no choice but agree to a divorce.
As soon as we mentioned alimony, he said he loves me very much and does not want a divorce. He calls my parents and apologises, saying he was blinded by rage, and did not mean it, and that he wants to reconcile. Both him and mil apologise to me, for how they treated me. My parents encourage me to give it another shot, and I agree. However, I want it all in writing that, he’ll never ask my parents for money again, either he’ll come here, or I’d move there, but we get a place of our own and not reside with parents and this is to happen within 6 months. Although he agrees to these terms, he refuses to give it in writing, because it’s “disrespectful”. I do not want to reconcile, because him refusing to do it is sus.
So, I tell him I’d go ahead with the divorce, to which he says, he has no money to give as alimony. When I said that is not my problem, he faked a heart attack, which went away, the moment I asked for medical documentation.
I end up choosing mental peace and say, I want no alimony, and just want to get him out of my life. The minute I say that, he becomes extremely lovey doves and is begging me to remarry him after 2 years of the divorce. I said, ABSOLUTELY NOT.
Now he’s calling all the relatives and mutual friends and painting me an asshole over it. AITA for not wanting to do anything with him and choosing my mental peace over everything?
I apologise again for the super long post.

25M East African from the UK (not London), I moved here when I was a little kid, originally moved to an area with a lot of different ethnicities and loved that I had friends of all cultures and ones that were immigrants and black like me, then my parents got better jobs so we moved to a majority white and south Asian area.
When I moved here you could probs count the black people on one hand, so whatever I did or wherever I went people knew me or my siblings, when I became a teenager a lot more black people moved to the area, a lot of immigrants/asylum seekers, they rarely came to the school I went to as it was deemed a “successful” all boys school, my brother couldn’t get in when he applied but I somehow managed to, so the school my brother went to was where all the off the boat immigrants, immigrants from European countries, or asylum seekers went to.
When I started high school there was 3 black guys in my year, I’m of African descent and the other two were Jamaican, one of them was a mixed Jamaican, he got kicked out by the end of the first year lmao, but me and the other Jamaican did our thing haha, out of the whole school by my final year, I’d say there still was only about 10 maximum black/mixed kids which I found crazy tbh.
I remember when people in my school knew of a black girl from a nearby mixed school and they wouldn’t stop trying to make us date even though we had never met, didn’t have similar friends, just bcoz we was both black. Alla this shit affects you and you don’t even know your identity, I played for a football team that was 75% black players (soccer to U.S peeps) and the code switching was crazy, somehow I didn’t fit in with my own people anymore and I definitely did not fit in with the white/Asian ones either, I had a lot of friends but it felt like more for show rather than actual friendships.
Really does affect your dating life when it came to that time, white girls didn’t find us attractive (Kim K hadn’t made it cool yet) or they showed interest wanting to find out about BBC being true or not lmao, black girls dated white guys or didn’t date. Then you fast forward and black girls want hood guys or keep it safe with white guys, white girls love black guys now but most times for the thrill of it or also expect you to be hood.
Be interested to see how the rest of your experiences were like
My pros:

• I’m a lot more socially aware of people outside my race
  
• I know what people outside our race think of us and the things they do to bring us down
  
• You find out how much ignorance and delusions their parents project onto their kids
  
• It made me wise up and learn how to conduct myself better in work environments
  
• Less trusting of those outside our race, makes me think what do they get out of it, e.g. token black guy
  

My cons:

• Hella stereotypes and over generalization, thinking we’re all poor, spear chuckers, speak in clicks, eat funny food or eat nothing but chicken, making monkey noises and monkey actions, knuckle dragger (heard all of this directed towards me) makes you wonder what disgusting things their families say about black people behind closed doors
  
• People thinking all black people are Nigerian or Jamaican
  
• People thinking Africa is a country
  
• People clowning my African features or wanting to touch my hair constantly or compare skin complexion when they come back from holiday
  
• Any sport I excelled at I got the cliche “of course you’re good at that you’re black” or they’d find any excuse to discredit me and any I wasn’t the best at from the jump, I got “I thought black people were good at sports”
  
• People expecting me to be as bulked up as Nigerians just because I’m African even though East Africans have different body types lmao
  
• They expected me to speak hood but clown hood people, if I spoke proper I’d be told “you’re the whitest black guy I’ve met” (when they haven’t met any/many) funny now they all speak like they’re from the hood and copy black fashion/mannerisms
  
• Judging my hairstyles and music taste if it wasn’t like theirs
  

I, 17 f, am a certified loser. I'm not good looking. No matter how many times people try to gaslight me telling me I'm "pretty" or whatever, it'll never change the fact that people, especially boys, treat me like an ugly girl.
I'm not the brightest cookie either. Just a while ago my mom went crazy over me being waitlisted in one of my unis. I got accepted into the other ones but my mom will always talk about how if I tried harder I would've gotten into xyz. I only managed to pass classes because I do tuition. I feel inadequate.
I have friends, and I think they care about me. But one thing about me is that I'm a doormat. I'll let people make fun of me and soft core bully me if that means I don't have to be lonely, and I wanna fix that too. Just not too long ago I sent a picture of my new hairstyle to my friend feeling a bit insecure about it and instead of my friend telling me that I look great he said "What happened to you" and "Oh I didn't even notice your hair" like okay thanks. Only one of my friends actually outwardly said I looked good and I love them for that but damn I just feel so...small?
Anyways, I wanna know how to come to terms with the fact that I'm a sore loser and how to be comfortable with the idea of being a loser alone without people constantly putting me down

I, 17 f, am a certified loser. I'm not good looking. No matter how many times people try to gaslight me telling me I'm "pretty" or whatever, it'll never change the fact that people, especially boys, treat me like an ugly girl.
I'm not the brightest cookie either. Just a while ago my mom went crazy over me being waitlisted in one of my unis. I got accepted into the other ones but my mom will always talk about how if I tried harder I would've gotten into xyz. I only managed to pass classes because I do tuition. I feel inadequate.
I have friends, and I think they care about me. But one thing about me is that I'm a doormat. I'll let people make fun of me and soft core bully me if that means I don't have to be lonely, and I wanna fix that too. Just not too long ago I sent a picture of my new hairstyle to my friend feeling a bit insecure about it and instead of my friend telling me that I look great he said "What happened to you" and "Oh I didn't even notice your hair" like okay thanks. Only one of my friends actually outwardly said I looked good and I love them for that but damn I just feel so...small?
Anyways, I wanna know how to come to terms with the fact that I'm a sore loser and how to be comfortable with the idea of being a loser alone without people constantly putting me down

Hey, hey, fellow survivors! Get ready to ascend to new heights with us! We're a sharp, savvy crew, enjoying some epic PvP and PvE action in the world of ASA! With our daily active admins and moderators, new players can count on friendly assistance whenever needed. Our servers are open to everyone and are cross-platform compatible!
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Step into our digital campground, where the fire's always crackling, and the stories are as wild as the dinos we tame! Whether you're a seasoned survivor or you're just setting foot on the island for the first time, you'll find a warm welcome waiting for you here in our Discord server!
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How to join:
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➤ Check the "SHOW PLAYER SERVERS" checkbox
➤ Search for "ArkGartha"
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PvP Server Names:
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Mods:

PvP	PvE
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TG Stacking Mod 1000-50	Automated Ark
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QoL+	Pelayori's Cryo Storage
Solo Farm Mod	Death Recovery Mod
Snow Owls	TG Stacking Mod 1000-50
Cliff Platforms	Upgrade Station
Flame Arrows	Super Spyglass Plus
MarniiMods Hairstyles	Auto Doors
Klinger Additional Rustic Building	Chainsaw
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	MarniiMods Hairstyles

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Hey, hey, fellow survivors! Get ready to ascend to new heights with us! We're a sharp, savvy crew, enjoying some epic PvP and PvE action in the world of ASA! With our daily active admins and moderators, new players can count on friendly assistance whenever needed. Our servers are open to everyone and are cross-platform compatible!
Discord:
Step into our digital campground, where the fire's always crackling, and the stories are as wild as the dinos we tame! Whether you're a seasoned survivor or you're just setting foot on the island for the first time, you'll find a warm welcome waiting for you here in our Discord server!
So pull up a log, grab your s'mores, toss your worries into the bonfire, and join our Discord! 🏕️ 🔥 🦖
​
Maps:
➤ The Island PvP - Wiped: 2/13/24
➤ Scorched Earth PvP - Wiped: 4/1/24
➤ The Island PvE
➤ Scorched Earth PvE
➤ [Coming Soon] The Center - (on the day it's released) [PvP & PvE]
➤ More to come when released!
​
How to join:
➤ From the "JOIN GAME" screen, make sure you're on the "UNOFFICIAL" tab
➤ Check the "SHOW PLAYER SERVERS" checkbox
➤ Search for "ArkGartha"
​
PvP Server Names:
➤ ArkGartha - PvP - TheIsland - 3XP / 5H / 6T / 8B - Wiped: 2/13/24
➤ ArkGartha - PvP - Scorched Earth - 3XP / 5H / 6T / 8B - Wiped: 4/1/24
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PvE Server Names:
➤ ArkGartha - PvE - TheIsland - 3XP / 3H / 8T / 30B
➤ ArkGartha - PvE - Scorched Earth - 3XP / 3H / 8T / 30B
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Mods:

PvP	PvE
Super Spyglass Plus	Custom Dino Levels
TG Stacking Mod 1000-50	Automated Ark
PvP Scoreboard	Utilities Plus
Custom Dino Levels	Classic Glider Ascended
QoL+	Pelayori's Cryo Storage
Solo Farm Mod	Death Recovery Mod
Snow Owls	TG Stacking Mod 1000-50
Cliff Platforms	Upgrade Station
Flame Arrows	Super Spyglass Plus
MarniiMods Hairstyles	Auto Doors
Klinger Additional Rustic Building	Chainsaw
	Net Projectile
	Arkitect Structures Remastered
	Dino Mindwipe
	Improved Egg Incubator (CrossPlay)
	Shiny! Dinos Ascended
	Foundation Ceilings
	MarniiMods Hairstyles

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all my life i always see people form connections around me, make friendships, bond, and i feel so invisible because i can’t do the same.
i’ve literally been in a group setting where everyone met for the first time, started planning another group hangout including everyone EXCEPT me, and i was literally sitting in the middle of it while it was all happening.
i’m pretty sure everyone was thinking at the time “what’s wrong with her? why’s she so weird?” because i was literally unable to socialize so i sat there so awkwardly, not knowing how tf to socialize or make connections but watching everyone else do it so easily and it just sucked seeing how behind i am than everyone else on social skills.
i’ve tried all the advice: i’ve tried being more outspoken, being myself, being louder, being quieter, being a listener, being a talker, asking questions, blah blah blah… it seems like no matter what i do people are inherently put off by me. like everyone can just smell somethings off with me. i honestly might look into an autism diagnosis because of this. it wouldn’t help because i’ll still have this issue but it would explain a lot.
i had a joint hairstylist appointment with a friend and i really tried to socialize, but for some reason the hairstylist felt more comfortable talking to my friend instead of me, even when we were discussing my hairstyle. that really showed me just how uncomfortable people are with me.
what’s wrong with me? what is it about me that makes people shun me like this? all i want to do is fit in and have a community of people who accept me. instead, i need to learn how to be hyper independent because i have few friends i can rely on.

so i was watching youtube shorts and a video about making a tierlist of male hairstyles popped up, they mentioned man-buns and how long hair requires a lot of maintenance and i started thinking about taking a shower with long hair and having it stick to your body because of the water and tbh idk if this even makes sense. but yay new dysphoria :(

I had this insight really recently about how 2020s fashion originated.
So, if 2010s fashion was mostly based on minimalism due to Recession, which was experienced by Millennials, 2020s fashion is mostly based on dysphoria experienced by Gen Z.
Main problem Gen Z experiences, which was never experienced before, is lack of satisfaction from real life due to constant release of dopamine by their smartphones. Even though anhedonia in society was a theme long before Gen Z, nowadays it is much stronger. Gen Z basically split life into virtual life and IRL. Virtual life seems to be utopian and bright, while IRL is the extension, DLC and less perfect version of virtual life. I would also mention the fact, that people basically started to befriend and date less, because of less attempts having due to being too disappointed in reality and people not being perfect.
So, Gen Z tries to bring its virtual life into reality. How does it connect with modern fashion trends? Here i will list the explanation of many trends i noticed nowadays.
1) 2020s makeup trends. Modern makeup trends we have today descended from “2016 makeup trend”. This style appeared, when smartphones had really fast progress in quality of cameras, which showed women all of the details of their skin. This makeup style was made to cover all of them, but it was so bright, that style didn’t last for long. Another style of makeup, which we had in 2010s is Korean makeup, which was made to infantilize face as much as possible. Even though it didn’t spread beyond West, both makeup styles show the collective dysphoria women feel. Modern makeup styles are more minimalistic, however they make faces highlighted with great cheekbones and as lean as possible, showing the same dysphoria about every detail of face women have.
2) Fluffy/long hairstyles. Their origin is mixed, but i mostly connect it to Gen Z dysphoria about their form of head. The problem is that smartphone camera can reveal every angle of head you have. Many people have non-standard elongated or round faces or short or long nape. These hairstyles are made to cover the true form of head. I saw this especially in men, because having really short hairstyle like buzzcut fitting you is the kind of privilege, while curtains fit everyone and can make everyone look better.
3) Oversized clothes. They have their origin in 90s, but the main reason took recognition was the dysphoria about bodies. Not all of us are fit or skinny. Oversized clothes cover our true body forms like fluffy hairstyles do.
So, our modern fashion is not that about explaining true nature of us, rather about covering our bodies to mimic the Internet standard.
What is your opinion on that?

For those who want the white hair version of Dabi, how about we just make as many reports as we can to Epic until they actually add the hairstyle? I play League and Riot seems to satisfy their fans a lot tbh

Hey guys, I’m a new grad trying to get better at building apps, so I built style.ai.
You can upload a photo of your outfit and get advice like:
​

• Fit analysis: Clothing fits too loose, tight, or just right
• Color analysis: Provides feedback about that color accentuating your skin
• Suggests accessories and hairstyles for the outfit
• Overall comments and how to improve your look

I’m looking for feedback on this app as well as ideas to market it better!
App link: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/style-ai-outfit-analysis/id6476942167
FAQ:
How does the app make money?
It doesn't (yet). I'm trying to get some initial feedback to improve the product. I'm leaning towards clever ads as I'm not a fan of subscriptions.
Are my images safe?
The images are processed by OpenAI API and deleted from their servers. The image is only ever stored locally in your device.

Hey guys, I’m a new grad trying to get better at building apps, so I built style.ai.
You can upload a photo of your outfit and get advice like:

• Fit analysis: Clothing fits too loose, tight, or just right
• Color analysis: Provides feedback about that color accentuating your skin
• Suggests accessories and hairstyles for the outfit
• Overall comments and how to improve your look

I’m looking for feedback on this app as well as ideas to market it better!
App link: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/style-ai-outfit-analysis/id6476942167
FAQ:
How does the app make money?
It doesn't (yet). I'm trying to get some initial feedback to improve the product. I'm leaning towards clever ads as I'm not a fan of subscriptions.
Are my images safe?
The images are processed by OpenAI API and deleted from their servers. The image is only ever stored locally in your device.

So i am 22 years old but never learned how to style or comb my hair, usually i just dry my hair with a towel anteriore the shower and "style" them using my hands and obviously the result isnt great.
I have a big forehead and 5/6 months ago my hairline reced a bit but now it seems to have stabilized, so hopefully i just have widows peak? Nevertheless now i need to cover even more space.
Given my big forehead, I think the best hairstyle would be a fringe crop or a messy fringe crop (this is the one I try to get now with my hands) but I am open to any other options.
So my questions are:
Where do I start? I don't have any combs or brushes, i can buy them but don't know which one I need.
I read that using a towel to dry my hairs is the best way so I don't damage them further (sometimes I still find hair on my fingers while showering), should I switch to a hairdryer with the heat turned to the lowest so I can style my hair better? And also is the hairdryer alone is sufficient to keep my hair in order for the whole day? If not what products should use that don't damage my hair? I have matte clay that I bought 8/9 months ago but never used because I didn't know how to, I don't know if it's still usable.
Ultimately my goal is to get a nice fringe (like the guys on tiktok ^-), or any other hairstyle that would look good on a big forehead.
Additional info: I have straight black hair and a medium stubble, and I also got my eyebrows groomed for the first time by my barber, I specifically asked him to not make them "too feminine" and he did a really good job.
Any advice is well recieved.

So, Identity Crisis. More like Type Crisis, but whatever!
Please help me decide whether I am ENFP, ESTP or ESFP... I don't think I am ENTP (I think)

1. My hobbies serve me some purpose in life. I would not have, say, crocheting for a hobby because personally, I believe it is useless. I like drawing and graphic designing among many things. And I can use them in real life. Same with Keyboard.
2. I can ping pong between topics during discussions and can appear random to everyone else, but somehow going from hygroscopic salts to mic to pluto to plastic to salts again makes perfect sense to me.
3. I enjoy observing people and motivations that drive them to do certain things. Like, people are SO INTERESTING! Tell me your fears, your vices, your strengths. TELL ME EVERYTHING.
4. I am the therapist friend which is a recent development. I used to be apathetic about emotions and usually hated any emotional display, but I am great at comforting others (as they have said) and know how to respond to every problem appropriately, according to the individual
5. I would be the first person to observe and point out if you have changed your hairstyle, slippers, earrings or glasses. Or even nail colour.
6. When dealing with feelings or crushes, if they start to have a negative effect on my performance (academics) or distract me too much, it is VERY easy for me to box up my feelings and deal with them like I am the observer and weigh the pros and cons of continuing with my mushy feelings. (sounds heartless when i put it that way) I would be the person who doesn't get sad that she has been rejected. I will be relieved that I wouldn't have to ping pong between wondering 'he likes me, he likes me not'
7. I am empathetic (i think? or is it sympathetic?) and I am a pure person (friends told me for reference/credibility lol). not uncomfortable with dealing with my emotions as well
8. I am fiercely independent. This has been detrimental for me (thankfully minor) but I will do things my way if I think I can (even if I over estimate myself) even if the person makes some good points... like if I fail, I want to be accountable for my failure
9. I have cartoon-ish and often exaggerated expressions. And in any social setting, i am seldom the wall flower. I would be nearing the thick of the crowd, and possibly narrating some incident of my own.
10. I can articulate my thoughts and emotions really well. I pride myself in my ability to do so, I'll give you metaphors, similes and all sort of literary devices to explain my points and don't fumble my way through sentences
11. I love exercising and camping and all things outdoors. i also love to think about things and daydream while i walk. I would be doing planks and simultaneously, thinking about my crush and some fantasy lol
12. i tend to worry about my future (is it my GAD speaking? idk) but mostly like worrying about the future worries me even more? like, i am scared about ending up as a failure mostly. like... what if the fact that i flunked a huge entrance exam means i'll flunk everything in life? Not 10 year roadmap, thank you.
13. I have a wide range of interests. Reading, writing, drawing, debating, oration... basically anything to express my ideas. But I don't really have the SO MANY INCOMPLETE projects. Like I have a lot going on, but a fair amount of them are complete...
14. I am not super sensitive... IDK if it is because of my upbringing, but I don't take things personally and get offended. I have a relatively thick skin. If I don't care about you, you could talk shit and I wouldn't give you the time of my day. If I care about you, I'll take it as a constructive criticism and use that to make myself a better person. You bet I have asked my friends and even teachers at least once in their life what I can do to be better at that task or as a person etc etc
15. I LOVE debating, particularly about ideas I am against because I want to see it the way you do if we disagree. I am open to changing my opinions and views about ideas, if you provide me convincing arguments. And I can typically see all the perspectives in an argument which can helps me convince someone else to think from another perspective
16. Not prone to jealousy. If my friend does better than me, even if i worked harder, i'll be genuinely happy for them and cheer them on
17. I need concrete examples to understand stuff. Like, say for waves in physics, I needed the teacher to demonstrate me beats and beat frequency in real time in order for me to understand. Like, I need a physical manifestation of whatever the concept or even FORMULA is... I find Maths really interesting because I love connecting ideas and stuff together and Maths is just that! But I don't think the current school curriculum is conducive for me to explore it.
18. I love learning about new things! Who knows, maybe something I read about makeup could be applied while making food?
19. I also don't associate with people who have like, 0 ambition in life. This sounds quite mean, but till date I have never befriended a person who is content with just winging stuff without putting any effort.
20. A mundane life kind of scares me...? I don't want to live monotonously for the rest of my life. I want some spice, some drama, some excitement. But I'll take an IT job so that I have the financial stability for my passion.
21. I get along with 99% of the student population. That 1%? you are probably jerks or bullies
22. Also, not really a point, but at what point of judgey feelings do you become judgemental?
23. Scarily accurate gut feelings about people (where I subconsciously notice ticks that stick out to me)
24. FOMO! If everyone is there for a particular event, I have to be there! What if something interesting happens and I miss it?

Thank you and have a great day!

It's getting annoying frankly because of how one-dimensional it all sounds. This post might get downvoted to oblivion.
First things first, she's an adult and she's 20 years old. She does pass off as much younger and not exactly how conventional 19-20 years old are supposed to look but if I was already told she was 20, I wouldn't go to lengths to discriminate against her and call her unfit to play a certain role.
I am also flabbergasted by this opinion in particular which is weirdly prevalant in western culture. A 20 year old isn't exactly supposed to always look like they've been through 20 years of war and given birth to 10 children. They're still young and barely out of their teen years. They will still look young because they are young.
I have seen similar criticism when it came to people like Max Caulfield from Life is Strange and even people like Ariana Grande. "They look like children"
In Max's case, she's just smaller but even then people were still like "she looks 13" when she's 18 and looks like many girls I know and am one of.
Ariana Grande goes through the same issue for being a smaller woman with a baby face. She puts on tons of make-up and still looks young. Her lyrics are very mature and her MVs too. But even then, people are somehow disgusted by her for looking younger than she is or disgusted by anyone attracted to her.
It's almost as if anyone who does not have a certain image that a 20 year old is supposed to have, they're ultimately labeled as too young or looking like a child when they're still young.
Even Ellie does not look much different from when she was 14. Apart from getting taller, she still looks the same.
It's kind of jarring to be frank. I feel like by a certain age, westerners are expected to act and look a certain way. Adulthood is idealized. By 15, every kid wants to look older and wants to do adult shit. So every kid is gonna act and dress older. I even read some criticism about how smaller women are unattractive because people prefer fully developed women.
But if you're 14 and look older then you'll get preyed on sometimes because you don't look like a kid??????
I know this is prevalent everywhere in the world, but in this particular instance about Bella Ramsay, i feel like nuking the west.
On the other hand, I feel like they could've aged her up a bit by maybe changing the styling. By either, giving her a buzzcut or some other hairstyle to make her look more badass just to avoid this sorta conflict.
My post might seem passive-aggressive because it's hard for me to not feel anger when it comes to this particular subject. So hopefully, people understand my perspective on this.
Thank you for reading. I might post this as well on the other sub.

There are so many good aspects I mean Sun Jupiter are merging tomorrow for God’s sake but no the Scorpio in me wants to address the Mercury Pluto square we are experiencing today before all the good stuff. Cause you know what… we feel & remember the harsh more.
Fragile humans made tough by strength of their own inner darkness & trauma. God must have a sense of humour to make Pluto. Games it plays on our minds making us feel scared… to hopeless… to a phoenix all in one conversation one event one day.
Pluto makes us go from happy to convicted in minutes - it’s the nature of it when so much Uranus impulses are in air & it’s not Saturn so it’s not saying sober up but yeah get real with yourself. This is not going to be easy & get the frivolity of it all out of mind when you make one of your many many minds up. Our bipolar impulses get convicted cause you see Uranus is an idealist and Pluto is far from ideal as is our real world. Impulses are pure but what comes after that is not. Pluto helps us see dark side of our impulses.
This is a square - struggle is internal - you are convicting yourself for acting on impulses or not thinking through things…
First step of any Pluto transit is always same - darkness, obsession, trying to find the why & what of what we did or are doing & with this specifically comes compulsive thinking - mostly negative to start with cause Jupiter influence comes later though is not that far. So pain will soon be balanced with faith & optimism even a higher road. But first this.
Second stage is always of knowing more about ourselves than we did before this storm. This is Taurus Mercury & we just went through transit of doing things we would never with Sun Uranus conjunction. So we try to find the why of that extraordinary.
Mercury in Taurus makes us go back, wants to run back into what’s safe & known. Remember I told you in Uranus reading there would be the tendency to go status quo after initial phase. Taurus likes to maintain & Mercury our mind hasn’t yet been hit with Uranus though Sun our identity has. It’s one of those moments when we are evaluating what we have already embarked upon. You are physically already there but it seems something someone somewhere is convincing the brain, the thinking mind, moulding it through either truth or manipulation, it’s tough to tell with Pluto. Keep it your voice in your head it would make things simpler. I don’t have the answer just telling you what I am doing.
We are thinking of safety, comfort, what’s known, our old looks, our old hairstyle, our old ways of denying or giving pleasure. Old dynamics of relationships especially can take us over very quickly. Mercury entering Taurus has reminded us of what status quo gives us & what’s at stake to loose if we shake the proverbial tree or open the Pandora’s box.
Mercury in Taurus alone can make us walk out of doing anything - we have seen it time & again in sources of income, love, beauty styles, how we value ourselves. But this is first time it just can’t. Cause Pluto has it convicted. Pluto tried this last April - tried to see why you act or not on your impulses to change the way you love, eat, earn money, value yourself & create what you truly love even when you want to. Why do you not simply go & get what you love, want, crave & desire. We weren’t ready to answer last April. Are we ready to answer tough questions now ?
Mercury has been totally taken over by Pluto during this transit - we are not just convicted we are also obsessed with the subject & unfortunately a bit negatively. Comfort and passion collide. Tragic heroes are born from Mercury Pluto hard aspects - we have the intensity which is dramatic - tortured mind. Power games, sexual undercurrents, negative thoughts, verbal constrain due to not being able to trust anyone takes over & we say oh this isn’t real. Games have been played & sometimes you can feel like a pawn in someone else’s drama series.
Once we are off the stage of our life - we come to third phase of this transit which is healing and transformative. We are able to see things we didn’t see before, in terms of our own motivations and move differently from there trying to find the devices required to live what seems like a new life. Cause it’s very difficult to put a life back to status quo once it’s been shaken by Uranus, pieces will never fit back same way like an antic vase, light will always now glare through the cracks even if you glue it all together. It’s done.
2º of Taurus which is repeatedly being hit by Pluto in Sun (21 Apr), Venus (2 May) and now Mercury is a degree of “Electric Storm” - it implies a potential “revelation” - a clear quiet stream is hit by celestial storm and a new creative world which didn’t existed opens up. We just had solar flares which makes this very physically real to me.
Rudhyar said while the consciousness would be deeply disturbed by “The visitation” but the individual is enriched and their soul fecundated aka fertilised or made more fruitful by it. Pluto though at this degree emphasises the need to develop inner resources to be able to withstand the challenges this storm would bring. Cause it takes the implication of this change to beyond the individual as its not just their own lives which change with it. They may be individually enriched by this experience, the world around them might change as a result of it demolishing the Aquarian landscape they have created of their life in name of their existing interconnected world. Mercury Pluto last stage is not just knowing oneself more but also summoning the strength to go through the change that one must in life to be able to live their true self with conviction and it might involve us to go through a natural crisis which comes from endings of past ways of being and past connections.
He said “Dust you were, dust you must become” - every part of our life has an ending. There is need to develop inner security which would allow us to meet this unexpected crisis & allow us to take the tough steps required to go through them.
This is the last phoenix phase. Truth of what it is, what our motivations are, why we invited a storm in our life, whats the deeper purpose of what we are going through allow us to appreciate what the current events are making us into. Our mind is transformed and this aspect adds depth through introspection to the otherwise which might feel like a frivolous idealistic pursuit. An ideal that may be never exist but Pluto destroys and creates something real - it recreates you - your courage, your strength, depth, strong will to be able to live an ideal in whatever form it may evolve cause the thunderstorm would come with change in a very stable part of our life. Inner changes bring outer and we have not seen anything yet in that.

I am not The OOP, OOP posted from 2 accounts: u/ThrowRA_Elisax & u/WanderingInMyDreams
I (25F) have face blindness, my BF (24M) likes to test me. How do I make it clear this is not okay?
Previous BoRU
Originally posted to relationship_advice & AITAH
Editor's Note: Prosopagnosia, also known as face blindness, is a neurological disorder that makes it difficult to recognize faces and facial expressions
TRIGGER WARNING: emotional abuse, manipulation, sexual assault
Original Post Apr 4, 2024
Hi y’all, sorry for posting this. If it’s not okay, I can delete it.
I’ve been with my bf for almost a year now. I love him dearly, and he loves me too (I’m guessing) but there’s one thing that’s causing a lot of issues for us.
I suffer from prosopagnosia/face blindness, which means it’s really hard for me to recognise people’s faces. I usually go by other characteristics to put a name to a person, like hairstyle/facial hair, marks, skin colours, accessories, etc. But it’s still really tough.
It’s caused me severe anxiety & other mental health struggles.
I’m lucky to have wonderful people around me though, who are aware & try to help. They’ll introduce themselves when we start talking, wear something they know I’ve linked to them, or whatever.
Usually my bf does this too, but sometimes he likes to ‘test’ me & it’s incredibly stressful. He shaved of his beard once, a few times he wore a completely different style of clothing, or changed his hairstyle, all without warning me. In those moments he won’t tell me who he is, or say someone else’s name, just to see if I’ll figure out it’s him. He’ll make jokes saying he’ll try to switch with one of his friends & see if I’ll stay ‘loyal’.
I usually do realise it’s him, but it causes me a lot of anxiety.
We’ve had big fights on this. He says he’s allowed to change his look (‘i’m not a cartoon character’), I ask him to warn me.
Don’t get me wrong. He cares about me, but I don’t think he get’s how stressful it is. How do I make it clear? (We have A LOT of great times together, there’s just this bump.)
Update: It’s hard to imagine I made this post 19 hours ago & now I’m in the middle of breaking up with him. I’m very tired so I’m going to keep this short.
I went to talk to him, showed him this & told him he can’t do it anymore. The conversation was.. a lot. First he was angry I made this post, then he was angry I was taking it all so serious. Lot’s of apologies & so on.
He again said he was just trying to make a tough situation more light, I said it’s too much. He said I can’t take a joke & I need to let him be him. That he always tells me when he’s been joking and if he was really keen on hurting me he’d just do things & not tell me, so him telling proves he cares. (That one got me v uncomfortable.)
At one point he said he just wanted to test if it was real, because I could just be using it as an excuse to do anything. I left after that cause we were just going in circles. There was a lot of me making an issue of ‘one small thing’.
I’m exhausted. He’s still blowing up my phone with love & apologies, but you guys made me realise a lot. Thanks, really. I’m trying to stay rational about it but it’s hard, because I do care about him a lot.
I’m gonna get a few hours of sleep. Thank you again.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
CheapDepth2155

He is messing with your safety does he not realise that?

OOP

I don’t think he realises how confusing it all is. There’s been a moment he did the opposite, acting all weirded out when I thanked him for a nice date, saying it wasn’t him and though I knew it was, I still started to doubt myself. He did say it was a joke soon after but it caused such a panic. He hasn’t done it again but it took me a long time to feel comfortable again.

shitmykidsays

Making someone feel unsafe is not a joke. Gaslighting someone you care about is not a joke.

~
blueavole

Holy smikes that’s terrifying.
Not to recognize a familiar face with a major change like that. - that is like nightmare fuel.
That your bf does it to you, multiple times on purpose is scary.
I don’t know if there is a way you can explain it to him if he doesn’t get it. It seems he enjoy your panic. Which is not a good thing in a partner.
If this was my partner I would get a tattoo or something. And I don’t have any.

OOP

My dad actually got a tattoo on his arm for me, which is a great comfort.
I hadn’t realised how messed up everything is, until reading all these replies.

~
LegitimateDebate5014

Your boyfriend is basically abusing you in emotional situations. He thinks it’s hilarious you struggle and get severe anxiety which isn’t normal, nor does it mean he cares about you. This is a huge red flag

OOP

Abuse is a really big word, but I do agree it’s not okay. I’m seeing him soon, we’ll see how it goes.

Update Apr 8, 2024
Hi y’all. Hope it’s okay I post a little update. Things went bat-shit crazy.
A lot has happened in the last days.
I’m really grateful to you all, honestly. I wasn’t aware about the real meaning of his ‘pranks’ and what it said about him & our relationship.
I went to talk to him the same evening I made that post, with the intention of making clear he can’t pull all that anymore.
The conversation ESCALATED.
We talked for hours into the night & every day since. There’s been a lot of messages.
He got angry about the redditpost I made (I showed him), angry at you guys, angry that I couldn’t take a joke & listened to strangers.
Said things like he in the beginning didn’t believe I actually suffered from it, and would use it as an excuse to cheat on him. That now he does believe, but - due to bad break-ups in the past - he has a hard time trusting I won’t use it as an excuse regardless.
Said he was joking about it because he wanted to make a tough situation lighter & that’s just his sense of humour. That if I loved him, I’d accept that.
When I made it clear I was done, it got even worse. He began apologising a lot. Said he didn’t realise it was such a big thing for me (again, didn’t make any sense with all said before.)
In the same breath he said that he at least told me. (To the people who thought he actually had planned to trick me by using one of his friends, I think y’all may be very right.)
To be honest I was done. I do care about him a lot (can’t just shut that off), but it’s never going to work.
There’s been many many messages/calls/etc.
He dropped some vague hints that sometimes he pulled ‘pranks’ I wasn’t aware of. I don’t know if that is true, or he’s just in a bad place right now.
He also came to my place to apologise again. But I suspect he didn’t expect I’d immediately recognise him, as he didn’t apologise till I said his name.
He’s not evil, but just very messed up rn.
I blocked him everywhere, told him not to show up anymore & that a friend would give him his stuff.
I’m going to delete this account soon but, I wanted to thank you guys for helping me realise it. I genuinely don’t think I would have. I’m heartbroken, but a bit relieved as well. Thanks for all the support & kindness.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
trippyhippy

I'm glad you broke up! Someone who loves you shouldn't ever do that to you.
Just curious about your condition. Do you also have issues with recognizing voices as well as faces? I can only imagine how hard it must be to deal with.

OOP

Actually voices are one of the traits I go by to recognise someone! Voices, posture, tattoos, hairstyle, and so on.
Thank you loads.

NEW UPDATES

AITAH for not giving my ex the closure he’s asking for because he messed with my face blindness? Apr 21, 2024
This is probably a bit stupid but that boy has got me questioning my own mind. Either way, sorry if this is a bother.
I broke up with my bf a few weeks ago. I had realised - in part thanks to Reddit - that some of his behaviour was absolutely not okay & when I tried to talk to him, the conversation escalated to me breaking up with him.
I have a pretty severe case of face blindness/prosopagnosia. It means I can’t recognise/remember people’s faces & go by other characteristics to try & put a name to someone. (Voice, (hair)style, posture, etc.) People around me know & introduce themselves when we meet & other things to make it easier. (I have a lot of anxiety because of it.)
He used to try & test me, which gave me a lot of stress. Changed up his look without warning to see if I knew it was him, and a lot more. He called it pranks. (He is a jokester.)
So, we broke up. It’s been a lot. He’d been calling/messaging non-stop with both apologies & non-apologies, ‘till I blocked him.
In moments of a lot of emotion I said things like I never wanted to see him again, and he’d reply that he was hurt, that I wouldn’t even know if it was him & I was lucky he wouldn’t do it.
Made me feel icky.
He’s contacted me again yesterday - through a new account - saying he just wants one more face-to-face conversation, if only to give him his stuff that is still at my place & get some closure so we can both move on.
I said my plan was to get a mutual friend to bring it over to him. He was hurt.
He did seem a lot more calm than before & told me we were together for a year, he just wanted one conversation after I suddenly broke things off. That he had some time to process now, etc & that he doesn’t understand how he suddenly - after a year of loving each other - became so evil I couldn’t have one chat with him.
But I don’t feel good about it. My gut’s telling me this will not be a good conversation, my worst fears are telling me he might play a trick to prove some point.
WIBTA if I don’t reply anymore/just say no?
Edit: I didn’t expect all these replies. I hope it’s okay I respond like this. Thank you all, really. I think I knew already but somehow started to doubt myself. (The past weeks have been a lot.) I really appreciate & needed these words.
I’m ready for all of this to be over & done with.
Also just a little thank you in general. Reddit’s been a wonderful community & it’s helped me a lot.
Update: AITAH for not giving my ex the closure he’s asking for because he messed with my face blindness? May 11, 2024
EDITORS NOTE: Changed initials to names for easier reading
Here’s my previous post, for who’s interested. (And before.
Hi!
It’s been a wee bit, and since I’m still getting messages about this, I thought I’d just give one big update for this.
So more than a month ago I broke up with my BF because he kept pulling ‘pranks’ involving my face blindness. (I can’t recognise faces & am dependent on other aspects to recognise someone, and even then it’s still confusing.)
After that he’d been bugging me that he wanted to meet up, so we could get some closure. My gut was telling me not to, but I felt guilty.
With you guys’ advice (& my own gut feeling) in mind, I decided not to go. I asked a friend, Roger, to go bring him his stuff & kept him blocked - including blocking the new accounts he’d made.
Roger came back with a letter from him, to me. The letter in itself was v apologetic. He even said he was grateful for our time together & took full responsibility. It ended with him saying he’d respect it if I chose not to reply or message. Honestly, a lot of very respectful words.
I still decided not to get in touch. (Still trying to get over the break-up myself.) But I did appreciate it, till I found out he wasn’t letting go like he said.
Roger & some other mutual friends let me know he was asking them about me A LOT, if I had read the letter, if I was seeing someone else (already?!), and so on.
Couple of days ago he showed up at my place. He was clearly not sober & v upset. He just seemed so broken, so I - stupidly - let him in.
For a while he was just being miserably nice, while I got him water & stuff. But the more sober, the more angry he got.
At that point I messaged basically everyone I knew to come. I didn’t think he’d hurt me, but I didn’t feel comfortable being alone with him regardless.
Among the many accusations of me not even having the decency to reply, that I clearly never cared about him & that I was a horrendous person, he told me ‘I cheated on him & didn’t even know it’ so how could I blame him for not trusting me?
I’m not gonna lie, I was trying to stay calm but failed. (And I know I should have not lost my cool.) I screamed at him, asked him what he was talking about.
Apparently on a night out with him & others, he asked his friend Mike (who knows of my face blindness & has similar characteristics as my ex, part from a v different voice & smell) to ‘swap’ out with him, and kissed me. And I didn’t know.
I don’t know if he’s lying or not. But knowing I was drinking & in a crowded, loud room, I know it’s a possibility. Especially since Mike tried to kiss me another time, though then I immediately realised it was him & lost my shit at him. (When I told my then bf, he was more angry than I had ever seen him, so idk if that time was a ‘plan’ as well or not. Either way Mike is a disgusting human.)
I know it’s ‘just’ a kiss, but it did make me feel sick to my stomach just thinking about how they might have played me.
I told him to get out, he didn’t. Luckily it didn’t take long for some people to arrive & get him out. I’m endlessly grateful for the people I have around me.
I’m staying at my parents’ place now, took a break from work & am looking into therapy. My mom & dad (who got a tattoo years ago just so I would never doubt it’s him) are treating me like a princess & reminding me of the kindness people deserve.
Haven’t looked into a restraining order, but might if it continues.
Thanks to you all for helping me see what’s right in this situation. Reddit has been a wonderful community I am very grateful for. I probably won’t update anymore, as this is over & done with. But I’m glad I got to pour my heart out to y’all.
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