My favorite bars on Diablo gotta be “I’m Charlie Conway triple deke, Gordon Bombay in these streets, ballin like I’m Pistol Pete”.
Everyone knows who Pistol Pete is but no one recognizes Charlie Conway or Gordon Bombay. I’ve seen numerous people on YouTube and such skip right over this.
For those that don’t know Gordon Bombay and Charlie Conway are both characters from the movie The Mighty Ducks. Any hockey player knows it.
Just feeling like this is one of the most under appreciated / overlooked sequence of bars he ever wrote…

So here's a thing I've been wanting to do for the past week. I've always wanted to see how characters from Hazbin Hotel would do at BFDI (Battle for Dream Island). So I'm going to grab 20 characters and make them the contestants and go through the challenges one by one so that we can see who would win this show.
So here are the contestants:
Charlie Morningstar, Vaggie, Angel Dust, Alastor, Husk, Niffty, Cherri Bomb, Sir Pentious, Lucifer, Vox, Velvette, Valentino, Carmilla Carmine, Zestial, Mimzy, Rosie, Adam, Lute, Sera, and Emily
With that out of the way, first contest.
So the first contest in BFDI was to stand on a wooden beam 30 or 40 feet above a lake the longest. The last 2 characters standing on the bar are the team captains.
And before you ask, yes they're allowed to use violence, however it's not mandatory.
So with that out of the way, who do you think will be the last two standing on the bar for this contest would be?

To clear up a common misconception that this is something that only happens extremely rarely, here's a list of every time more than 4 words have fit one of the categories and what number puzzle it occurred in. The first 4 words are the answers and every word after that in parenthesis are words that fit that category but were part of another group. Also, category names might not be exactly the same as the ones used.
Edit because some of the comments think I'm actually angry about Connections doing this: Some people think that I compiled this list because I'm anti-overlap when it's actually the opposite case. I actually like the overlap since I think it makes for a more interesting puzzle. I feel like every so often there's an angry comment about more than 4 words fitting a category and acting like this has never happened before so partially out of pettiness and a love of useless stats I decided to make this list to serve as proof that this has been a deliberate part of Connections since the start.

#4 Cleaning Verbs

Possible answers: DUST, MOP, SWEEP, VACUUM, (IRON)

#5 Condiments

Possible answers: KETCHUP, MAYO, RELISH, TARTAR, (MUSTARD)

#5 Clue Characters

Possible answers: GREEN, MUSTARD, PLUM, SCARLET, (PEACOCK)

#6 Shades of Blue

Possible answers: BABY, MIDNIGHT, POWDER, ROYAL, (SEA)

#6 Rappers

Possible answers: COMMON, FUTURE, ICE CUBE, Q-TIP, (CHANCE)

#9 Shirts

Possible answers: CAMI, HALTER, TANK, TEE, (POLO)

#9 Vegetables

Possible answers: BEET, CARROT, CORN, ONION, (SQUASH)

#9 Insects

Possible answers: ANT, BEETLE, MANTIS, TERMITE, (CRICKET)

#10 Countries

Possible answers: CHAD, GEORGIA, JORDAN, TOGO, (TURKEY)

#10 Birds

Possible answers: CRANE, JAY, TURKEY, SWALLOW, (KIWI)

#11 Spices

Possible answers: CARDAMOM, CLOVE, CORIANDER, CUMIN, (GINGER)

#11 Terms of Endearment

Possible answers: BOO, HONEY, SUGAR, SWEETIE, (BABY)

#12 Animal Group Names

Possible answers: FLOCK, PACK, POD, SCHOOL, (PRIDE)

#12 Deadly Sins

Possible answers: ENVY, GREED, LUST, PRIDE, (SLOTH)

#13 Airlines

Possible answers: FRONTIER, SPIRIT, UNITED, VIRGIN, (DELTA)

#13 Greek Letters

Possible answers: BETA, CHI, DELTA, IOTA, (NU)

#13 Silent G's

Possible answers: GNAT, GNAW, GNOCCHI, GNOME, (GNU)

#14 Famous Brothers

Possible answers: JONAS, MARX, WARNER, WRIGHT, (MARIO)

#14 Honda Vehicles

Possible answers: ACCORD, CIVIC, PASSPORT, PILOT, (CANOPY)

#15 Colors

Possible answers: BROWN, PINK, TURQUOISE, VIOLET, (SILVER)

#15 Fishing Equipment

Possible answers: LURE, REEL, ROD, TACKLE, (HOOK)

#16 Nuts

Possible answers: ALMOND, CASHEW, PECAN, WALNUT (PEANUT)

#17 Neck Accessories

Possible answers: ASCOT, BOLO, TIE, SCARF, (BOW)

#19 Disagreement

Possible answers: QUARREL, ROW, SPAT, TIFF, QUARREL, (BEEF)

#20 Grains

Possible answers: BARLEY, OAT, RYE, SPELT, (RICE)

#20 Royal Titles

Possible answers: BARON, EARL, KING, PRINCE, (DUKE)

#23 60's Band Member

Possible answers: BEACH BOY, BEATLE, BYRD, MONKEE, (ROLLING STONE)

#23 Dance Fads

Possible answers: DOUGIE, MACARENA, MASHED POTATO, TWIST, (VOGUE)

#25 Desserts

Possible answers: CHEESECAKE, FLAN, MOUSSE, TIRAMISU, (FUDGE)

#25 Animals with Tusks

Possible answers: ELEPHANT, HIPPO, NARWHAL, WARTHOG, (WALRUS)

#26 Countries (Holland is technically a region but it's often used as an informal name for the Netherlands)

Possible answers: DENMARK, GREECE, POLAND, PORTUGAL, (HOLLAND)

#26 Spelled with Roman Numerals

Possible answers: DILL, LIVID, MILD, MIX, (MIMIC)

#27 Body Parts

Possible answers: HEART, LIVER, LUNG, KIDNEY, (SPINE)

#28 File Extensions

Possible answers: GIF, PDF, TIFF, ZIP, (DOC)

#28 Fruits

Possible answers: BANANA, COCONUT, MANGO, PINEAPPLE, (KIWI)

#30 Joints

Possible answers: HIP, KNEE, SHOULDER, WRIST, (ELBOW)

#33 Boats

Possible answers: FERRY, JUNK, TUG, YACHT, (SUB)

#33 Cuts of Beef

Possible answers: FLANK, LOIN, ROUND, SHANK, (CHUCK)

#34 Smell

Possible answers: AROMA, BOUQUET, FRAGRANCE, SCENT, (FUNK)

#34 Music Genres

Possible answers: BLUES, COUNTRY, FUNK, SOUL, (ROCK)

#35 Metals

Possible answers: IRON, LEAD, TIN, ZINC, (NICKEL)

#36 Animals

Possible answers: KANGAROO, KOALA, WALLABY, WOMBAT, (MOLE RAT)

#38 Trees

Possible answers: ASH, CEDAR, MAPLE, PINE, (ELM)

#38 Land Formation

Possible answers: HILL, MOUNTAIN, PLATEAU, VALLEY, (PLAIN)

#38 Bagel Flavors

Possible answers: EVERYTHING, ONION, PLAIN, POPPY, (SESAME)

#41 Islands

Possible answers: CUBA, JAPAN, MALTA, PALAU, (FIJI), (JAVA)

#42 Punctuation Marks

Possible answers: COLON, COMMA, HYPHEN, PERIOD, (DASH)

#43 Birds

Possible answers: BOOBY, GULL, PELICAN, PUFFIN, (CANARY)

#45 Modes of Transportation

Possible answers: BOAT, CAR, PLANE, TRAIN, (SUBWAY)

#46 Cities

Possible answers: CHICAGO, MUNICH, PHILADELPHIA, RIO, (MANHATTAN)

#46 Fashion Magazines

Possible answers: ALLURE, ELLE, GLAMOUR, W, (COSMOPOLITAN)

#46 Storms

Possible answers: BLIZZARD, CYCLONE, SQUALL, TORNADO, (HURRICANE)

#48 Apparitions

Possible answers: GHOST, PHANTOM, SPECTER, SPIRIT, (GENIE)

#49 Relatives

Possible answers: AUNT, COUSIN, MOTHER, NEPHEW, (GRANDFATHER)

#49 Offbeat

Possible answers: DAFFY, KOOKY, QUIRKY, WACKY, (CUCKOO)

#49 Fictional Ducks

Possible answers: DAISY, DEWEY, DONALD, SCROOGE, (DAFFY)

#50 Imperial Measurements

Possible answers: FOOT, INCH, MILE, YARD, (QUART)

#52 Rodents

Possible answers: GERBIL, HAMSTER, RAT, VOLE, (MOUSE)

#52 Musical Instruments

Possible answers: HARP, HORN, ORGAN, TRIANGLE, (KEYBOARD)

#52 Complain

Possible answers: CARP, GRIPE, GROUSE, MOAN, (HARP)

#53 Animal Group Names

Possible answers: COLONY, HERD, PRIDE, SWARM, (FAMILY)

#53 AP Classes

Possible answers: BIO, CHEM, GOV, STATS, (LIT)

#54 Places for Worship

Possible answers: ALTAR, RELIQUARY, SHRINE, TEMPLE, (ABBEY)

#54 Presidents

Possible answers: CALVIN, CHESTER, GROVER, HARRY, (GARFIELD)

#56 Dances

Possible answers: HUSTLE, SALSA, SWING, TANGO, (TAP)

#57 Patterns

Possible answers: HOUNDSTOOTH, PAISLEY, PLAID, STRIPES, (DOT)

#58 Arachnids

Possible answers: MITE, SCORPION, SPIDER, TICK, (BLACK WIDOW)

#58 Fish

Possible answers: CHAR, EEL, PERCH, SHARK, (CATFISH)

#58 Superheroes

Possible answers: BLACK WIDOW, BLADE, FLASH, STORM, (TICK)

#59 Quantity

Possible answers: FEW, HANDFUL, SEVERAL, SOME, (PAIR)

#59 Celestial Objects

Possible answers: ASTEROID, COMET, MOON, PLANET, (SUN)

#60 Sports Venues

Possible answers: COURT, DIAMOND, FIELD, RINK, (RING)

#60 Jewelry

Possible answers: ANKLET, BANGLE, BROOCH, PENDANT, (RING), (CHARM)

#62 State Abbreviations

Possible answers: CO, MA, ME, PA, (LA)

#62 Period Table Symbols

Possible answers: FE, HE, NA, NI, (CO), (PA), (LA), (TI)

#63 Slang for Zero

Possible answers: JACK, NADA, NOTHING, SQUAT, (ZIP)

#63 Exercises

Possible answers: CURL, LUNGE, PLANK, PRESS, (SQUAT), (CRUNCH)

#63 Captains

Possible answers: CRUNCH, KANGAROO, OBVIOUS, PLANET, (JACK)

#64 Dog Names

Possible answers: FIDO, LUCKY, ROVER, SPOT, (REX)

#64 Perceive

Possible answers: CATCH, NOTICE, OBSERVE, SEE, (SPOT)

#64 Fishing Terms

Possible answers: BAIT, CHUM, FLY, SINKER, (CATCH)

#65 Energy

Possible answers: JUICE, SPIRIT, STEAM, VIGOR, (GAS), (FIRE)

#66 Time Periods

Possible answers: CENTURY, DECADE, MILLENNIUM, YEAR, (MONTH)

#66 Breakfast Foods

Possible answers: CEREAL, OMELET, PANCAKE, WAFFLE, (BACON), (EGG)

#67 Desserts

Possible answers: CAKE, COBBLER, PIE, TART, (FUDGE)

#67 Occupations

Possible answers: FISHER, MASON, MILLER, SMITH, (DOCTOR)

#68 Extremely

Possible answers: AWFUL, QUITE, SUPER, VERY, (REAL)

#68 Currencies

Possible answers: RAND, REAL, STERLING, WON, (POUND)

#68 _____Cake

Possible answers: CARROT, COFFEE, POUND, SPONGE, (CUP)

#69 Shoes

Possible answers: CLOG, PUMP, SLIDE, WEDGE, (MARY JANE)

#69 Slang for Marijuana

Possible answers: GRASS, HERB, MARY JANE, WEED, (BUD), (POT)

#70 Camping Supplies

Possible answers: COOLER, LANTERN, SLEEPING BAG, TENT, (CAMPER)

#70 Insult

Possible answers: BARB, DIG, DISS, JAB, (SLIGHT)

#71 States

Possible answers: ARIZONA, COLORADO, NEVADA, UTAH, (KANSAS), (MONTANA)

#72 Santa's Reindeer

Possible answers: COMET, CUPID, DASHER, VIXEN, (DANCER)

#72 Seen on Valentine's Day

Possible answers: CARD, HEART, CHOCOLATE, ROSE, (CUPID)

#73 Facial Hair

Possible answers: BEARD, GOATEE, MUSTACHE, STUBBLE, (HANDLEBAR)

#73 Pursue

Possible answers: DOG, FOLLOW, TAIL, TRACK, (SHADOW)

#74 Failures

Possible answers: BUSTS, FLOPS, MISSES, TURKEYS, (DUDS)

#75 Social Gathering

Possible answers: BASH, BLOWOUT, PARTY, SHINDIG, (MIXER)

#75 Found in a Kitchen

Possible answers: COUNTER, MIXER, RANGE, SINK, (ISLAND)

#79 Depart Quickly

Possible answers: BOOK, BOUNCE, RUN, SPLIT, (JET)

#79 Shades of Black

Possible answers: EBONY, JET, ONYX, RAVEN, (BLACK)

#80 Influence

Possible answers: CLOUT, PULL, WEIGHT, SWAY, (IMPACT)

#81 Appetizer Unit

Possible answers: FRY, NACHO, POPPER, WING, (CHIP), (CRACKER)

#81 Response to a Correct Answer

Possible answers: BINGO, CORRECT, RIGHT, YES, (DING)

#82 Drink Vessels

Possible answers: GOBLET, SNIFTER, TUMBLER, STEIN, (FLUTE)

#82 Woodwinds

Possible answers: CLARINET, FLUTE, OBOE, SAXOPHONE, (BASSOON)

#82 American Poets

Possible answers: BISHOP, FROST, OLDS, POUND, (STEIN)

#83 Unclothed

Possible answers: BARE, NAKED, NUDE, UNCLAD, (BUFF)

#83 Football Actions

Possible answers: FUMBLE, PUNT, SACK, SNAP, (TURNOVER)

#83 Finger Actions

Possible answers: BUFF, CLIP, FILE, POLISH, (SNAP)

#84 Female Animals

Possible answers: COW, DOE, HEN, MARE, (EWE)

#84 Pronouns

Possible answers: I, IT, THEY, WE, (YOU)

#84 Roman Numerals

Possible answers: D, L, M, V, (I)

#86 Information Displays

Possible answers: CHART, DIAGRAM, GRAPH, MAP, (PIE)

#86 Additional Benefit

Possible answers: BONUS, EXTRA, ICING, PERK, (GRAVY)

#86 Creatures in Folklore

Possible answers: GNOME, GOBLIN, OGRE, TROLL, (DRAGON)

#89 Alcohol

Possible answers: CIDER, PORT, SAKE, STOUT, (SPIRIT), (SCOTCH)

#89 Pixar Movies

Possible answers: BRAVE, CARS, COCO, UP, (SOUL)

#90 Baseball Calls

Possible answers: BALL, OUT, SAFE, STRIKE, (WALK)

#90 Fish

Possible answers: CARP, CATFISH, FLOUNDER, SMELT, (SALMON)

#91 Jungle Animals

Possible answers: ANACONDA, CAPYBARA, JAGUAR, TOUCAN, (LION)

#91 Lowest Point

Possible answers: BASE, BOTTOM, FOOT, FOUNDATION, (LEGS)

#92 Halloween Decorations

Possible answers: BAT, COBWEB, PUMPKIN, TOMBSTONE, (BONES)

#93 Animal Sounds

Possible answers: BUZZ, CLUCK, MEOW, OINK, (BARK)

#93 Inside Info

Possible answers: DIRT, DISH, SCOOP, SKINNY, (TEA)

#95 Songs that are Names

Possible answers: ALEJANDRO, LOLA, MICHELLE, STAN, (IRIS)

#96 Animals

Possible answers: BUFFALO, COW, GOAT, SHEEP, (HORSE)

#96 Gymnastics Apparatus

Possible answers: FLOOR, HORSE, RINGS, VAULT, (BEAM)

#97 Fairy Tale Figures

Possible answers: GIANT, PRINCESS, WITCH, WOLF, (QUEEN)

#97 "Peanuts" Characters

Possible answers: CHARLIE, PEPPERMINT PATTY, PIGPEN, WOODSTOCK, (LUCY)

#98 Fruits

Possible answers: APRICOT, FIG, GRAPE, LIME, (BERRY)

#98 Luxurious

Possible answers: DELUXE, GRAND, LAVISH, OPULENT, (SWANK)

#99 Intelligent

Possible answers: BRIGHT, CLEVER, QUICK, SHARP, (SMART)

#100 Web Browser-Related

Possible answers: BOOKMARK, HISTORY, TAB, WINDOW, (LINK), (POCKET)

#100 Dirty_____

Possible answers: DOZEN, JOKE, LAUNDRY, MARTINI, (WINDOW)

#101 Bowling Terms

Possible answers: ALLEY, BALL, LANE, PIN, (SPARE)

#101 Common Merch Items

Possible answers: MUG, PEN, TEE, TOTE, (PIN)

#102 Vehicles

Possible answers: BUS, CAR, MOTORCYCLE, TRUCK, (SCOOTER)

#102 Muppets

Possible answers: ANIMAL, BEAKER, GONZO, SCOOTER, (CHEF), (PIGGY)

#103 Soda Fountain Orders (Concrete can mean a type of milkshake or frozen custard)

Possible answers: FLOAT, MALT, SHAKE, SUNDAE, (CONCRETE), (SPLIT)

#104 Robust

Possible answers: FIT, HEALTHY, SOUND, STRONG, (WELL)

#104 Water Sources

Possible answers: FOUNTAIN, SPRING, TAP, WELL, (SINK)

#105 Kitchen Utensils

Possible answers: GRATER, LADLE, PEELER, WHISK, (CLEAVER)

#106 Wedding Items

Possible answers: BOUQUET, RING, TRAIN, VEIL, (CAKE)

#106 Encase

Possible answers: CAKE, COAT, COVER, CRUST, (VEIL)

#107 Snakes

Possible answers: BOA, MAMBA, PYTHON, VIPER, (GARTER)

#108 Produced by Trees

Possible answers: ACORN, CONE, POLLEN, SAP, (GUM), (NEEDLE)

#108 Candy

Possible answers: CHOCOLATE, GUM, LICORICE, LOLLIPOP, (SUCKER)

#108 Target of a Scheme

Possible answers: CHUMP, FOOL, MARK, SUCKER, (SAP)

#109 Rap Subgenres

Possible answers: BOUNCE, CRUNK, DRILL, GRIME, (TRAP)

#110 Golf Clubs

Possible answers: IRON, PUTTER, WEDGE, WOOD, (CLUB)

#112 Coffee Counter Items

Possible answers: CUP, LID, STIRRER, STRAW, (STICK)

#114 Talk

Possible answers: BLATHER, CHAT, GAB, JABBER, (YAK)

#115 Christmas-Related

Possible answers: MISTLETOE, REINDEER, SNOWMAN, STOCKING, (PRESENT), (CANDY CANE)

#116 MLB Teams

Possible answers: ANGEL, CUB, MET, RED, (NAT)

#119 Celebratory Occasion

Possible answers: ANNIVERSARY, BIRTHDAY, SHOWER, WEDDING, (RECEPTION), (SERVICE)

#120 Crops

Possible answers: CORN, CUCUMBER, PEPPER, TOMATO, (MELON)

#121 Bible Books

Possible answers: ACTS, JOB, KINGS, MARK, (GENESIS)

#121 NHL Teams

Possible answers: FLAMES, KRAKEN, STARS, WILD, (KINGS), (RANGER)

#123 Conceal

Possible answers: BLOCK, COVER, HIDE, MASK, (SHIELD)

#124 "L" Cities

Possible answers: LAGOS, LIMERICK, LINCOLN, LUXOR, (LIMA)

#124 Poetry Terms

Possible answers: LINE, METER, RHYME, VERSE, (LIMERICK)

#125 Butt

Possible answers: BOTTOM, BUNS, SEAT, TAIL, (BOOTY)

#126 Tools

Possible answers: HAMMER, FILE, LEVEL, SAW, (WRENCH)

#126 Keyboard Shortcuts

Possible answers: COPY, FIND, PRINT, SAVE, (FILE)

#127 Days of the Week

Possible answers: FRIDAY, SATURDAY, SUNDAY, THURSDAY, (WEDNESDAY), (TUESDAY)

#127 Go Bad

Possible answers: ROT, SOUR, SPOIL, TURN, (FESTER)

#129 Bit of Air

Possible answers: BREEZE, DRAFT, GUST, PUFF, (PANT)

#130 Falsify

Possible answers: FABRICATE, FAKE, FIX, FORGE, (FUDGE)

#130 TV Shows

Possible answers: FARGO, FIREFLY, FLEABAG, FLIPPER, (FRIENDS)

#131 Animal Homes

Possible answers: DEN, LAIR, HIVE, NEST, (WEB), (WARREN)

#131 Equitable

Possible answers: EQUAL, EVEN, FAIR, JUST, (GOOD)

#132 Tableware

Possible answers: BOWL, DISH, PLATE, SAUCER, (CROCK), (CUP)

#133 British Food

Possible answers: MASH, ROAST, SCONE, TRIFLE, (BANGER)

#133 Predicament

Possible answers: BIND, PICKLE, SCRAPE, SPOT, (JAM)

#134 Impel

Possible answers: DRIVE, INSPIRE, MOTIVATE, SPUR, (SPARK)

#135 Compound Words

Possible answers: BACKPACK, BIGWIG, DOWNTOWN, RAGTAG, (TEXTBOOK)

#136 Grammar Tenses

Possible answers: FUTURE, PAST, PERFECT, PRESENT, (SIMPLE)

#136 The 12 Days of Christmas

Possible answers: DRUMMER, LADY, RING, SWAN, (LORD)

#137 Excellent

Possible answers: ACES, KEEN, NEATO, NIFTY, (SWELL)

#137 Bubbles

Possible answers: FOAM, FROTH, HEAD, LATHER, (BUBBLE)

#138 Metals

Possible answers: COPPER, GOLD, NICKEL, SILVER, (BRASS), (MERCURY)

#139 Aesthetics

Possible answers: DRESS, LOOK, MANNER, STYLE, (TASTE)

#140 Mishmash

Possible answers: HASH, JUMBLE, MEDLEY, STEW, (LITTER)

#143 Filler Words

Possible answers: ERM, UH, UM, WELL, (LIKE), (ER)

#146 Clue Weapons

Possible answers: CANDLESTICK, KNIFE, ROPE, WRENCH, (PIPE)

#147 Unchanging

Possible answers: EVEN, LEVEL, STABLE, STEADY, (UNIFORM)

#147 Long, Sharp Objects

Possible answers: LANCE, PIN, SKEWER, SPIT, (PITCHFORK)

#148 Musical Format

Possible answers: LP, PLATTER, VINYL, WAX, (CD)

#148 Cube-Shaped

Possible answers: BOUILLON, DIE, ICE, SUGAR, (STOCK)

#150 Equivocate

Possible answers: HEDGE, SEE-SAW, WAVER, YO-YO, (FLIP-FLOP), (WAFFLE)

#151 Podcasts

Possible answers: RADIOLAB, SERIAL, UP FIRST, WTF, (FRESH AIR), (REPLY ALL)

#152 Intelligent

Possible answers: BRIGHT, QUICK, SHARP, SMART, (SAGE)

#152 Medieval Weapons

Possible answers: CLUB, MACE, SPEAR, SWORD, (AXE)

#153 Filmmaking Equipment

Possible answers: BOOM, DOLLY, LENS, TRIPOD, (GRIP)

#154 Sports Professionals

Possible answers: COACH, GM, PLAYER, SCOUT, (SUB)

#154 Car Companies

Possible answers: BMW, HONDA, JAGUAR, SUBARU, (FORD), (GM)

#156 Vocal Fanfare

Possible answers: BEHOLD, PRESTO, TADA, VOILA, (SURPRISE)

#157 Magazines

Possible answers: O, OK, US, W, (EW), (SI)

#157 Yes

Possible answers: HAI, JA, SI, DA, (OK), (OUI)

#158 Animals

Possible answers: BUFFALO, DEER, FISH, MOOSE, (BULL), (STEER), (SEAL)

#160 Quick Observation

Possible answers: GANDER, GLANCE, GLIMPSE, LOOK, (PEEK)

#160 Parts of a Mountain

Possible answers: CLIFF, CRAG, LEDGE, RIDGE, (BLUFF), (PEAK)

#161 _____Day

Possible answers: EARTH, GROUNDHOG, LABOR, MAY, (BIRTH)

#162 Primates

Possible answers: BABOON, BONOBO, GIBBON, GORILLA, (APE)

#162 Fashionable

Possible answers: CHIC, HIP, HOT, IN, (VOGUE)

#164 Area Between Mountains

Possible answers: CANYON, GULCH, PASS, RAVINE, (GORGE)

#165 Food

Possible answers: PASTY, PIE, TART, TURNOVER, (PARFAIT), (RAGOUT), (CURRY)

#165 Countries

Possible answers: JAPAN, POLAND, TUNISIA, TURKEY, (JORDAN)

#166 Reality Shows

Possible answers: ALONE, CATFISH, CHOPPED, SURVIVOR, (BACHELOR)

#168 Municipalities

Possible answers: CITY, TOWN, COUNTY, VILLAGE, (CAPITAL)

#171 Parts of the Foot

Possible answers: ARCH, BALL, SOLE, TOE, (HEEL)

#171 Dog Commands

Possible answers: COME, DOWN, SIT, STAY, (HEEL)

#173 Ways to Remove Hair

Possible answers: SHAVE, THREAD, TWEEZE, WAX, (CUT)

#174 Hold Back

Possible answers: CAP, CHECK, CURB, LIMIT, (HAMPER)

#175 Excite, with "Up"

Possible answers: AMP, FIRE, HYPE, PUMP, (GAS)

#177 TV Shows

Possible answers: CHEERS, EUPHORIA, FELICITY, GLEE, (FRASIER)

#178 Found on Sheet Music

Possible answers: CLEF, NOTE, REST, STAFF, (SCALES)

#178 Zodiac Symbols

Possible answers: BULL, CRAB, SCALES, TWINS, (VIRGIN)

#180 Absolute

Possible answers: PURE, SHEER, TOTAL, UTTER, (STARK)

#180 Express

Possible answers: AIR, SPEAK, STATE, VOICE, (UTTER)

#181 Cooking Oils

Possible answers: CORN, OLIVE, PALM, PEANUT, (RICE)

#183 Luxurious Fabrics

Possible answers: CHIFFON, SILK, SATIN, VELVET, (LACE)

#185 -ough

Possible answers: BOUGH, COUGH, DOUGH, TOUGH, (ROUGH), (ENOUGH)

#189 Used to Build a Snowman

Possible answers: CARROT, COAL, SNOW, STICKS, (STONES)

#190 NYC Avenues

Possible answers: BROADWAY, FIFTH, MADISON, PARK, (SECOND), (FIRST), (ELEVENTH)

#191 Accessories

Possible answers: BELT, BRACELET, TIE, WATCH, (CHARM)

#199 Name Prefixes

Possible answers: GEN, MS, PROF, REV, (DR)

#200 Parts of a Car

Possible answers: BUMPER, HOOD, TIRE, TRUNK, (DASH)

#201 Single Letter Homophones

Possible answers: BEE, EX, GEE, JAY, (TEE)

#203 New Years-Related

Possible answers: BALL, COUNTDOWN, FIREWORKS, KISS, (PARTY), (RESOLUTION), (CHAMPAGNE)

#207 Gift-Giving Accessories

Possible answers: BOW, BOX, CARD, WRAPPING, (MESSAGE)

#210 Kinds of Exams

Possible answers: BAR, FINAL, ORAL, PHYSICAL, (EYE)

#211 Long, Skinny Objects

Possible answers: POLE, ROD, STAFF, STICK, (CLUB)

#212 Cooking Elements

Possible answers: ACID, FAT, HEAT, SALT, (PEPPER), (SMOKE)

#213 Seen at a Casino

Possible answers: CARDS, CHIPS, DICE, SLOTS, (POKER)

#213 Ways to Prepare Cheese

Possible answers: CRUMBLE, MELT, SHRED, SLICE, (GRATE)

#217 Thieve

Possible answers: PINCH, ROB, STEAL, SWIPE, (JACK)

#218 Medicine Formats

Possible answers: CAPSULE, CREAM, SYRUP, TABLET, (POD)

#221 Colors

Possible answers: BLUE, GREEN, WHITE, YELLOW, (SCARLET)

#222 Minced Oaths

Possible answers: CURSES, DARN, RATS, SHOOT, (FUDGE), (NUTS)

#224 Contains Wax

Possible answers: CANDLE, CRAYON, HONEYCOMB, SEAL, (EAR)

#229 Baseball-Related

Possible answers: BALL, BASE, BAT, GLOVE, (STRIKE)

#233 Mario Power-ups

Possible answers: FEATHER, STAR, MUSHROOM, FLOWER, (HAMMER)

#234 _____Pit

Possible answers: BARBECUE, ORCHESTRA, SNAKE, TAR, (FIRE)

#235 Make Shorter

Possible answers: CLIP, CUT, PARE, TRIM, (PRUNE)

#235 Muscular

Possible answers: BUILT, JACKED, RIPPED, SWOLE, (TRIM), (BUFF)

#237 Farm Fixtures

Possible answers: COOP, PEN, STABLE, STY, (RANGE)

#238 Unexciting

Possible answers: BORING, DULL, MUNDANE, VANILLA, (ROUTINE), (DRY)

#239 Ecclesiastical Titles

Possible answers: BISHOP, CARDINAL, PASTOR, PRIOR, (BROTHER), (LORD)

#251 Media Attention

Possible answers: COVERAGE, EXPOSURE, PRESS, PUBLICITY, (MEDIA)

#254 Little Bit of Liquid

Possible answers: BEAD, GLOB, DROP, TEAR, (DRIP)

#257 Shades of Green

Possible answers: OLIVE, FOREST, LIME, MINT, (CACTUS)

#260 Ilk

Possible answers: KIND, SORT, TYPE, VARIETY, (MANNER)

#263 Propel into the Air

Possible answers: HOP, JUMP, LEAP, SPRING, (VAULT)

#266 Large Amount

Possible answers: MASS, SEA, SLEW, TON, (WAVE)

#266 Fall under Pressure

Possible answers: BUCKLE, CAVE, COLLAPSE, GIVE, (FLOP)

#268 Pop Stars

Possible answers: GRANDE, MARS, STYLES, SWIFT, (LEGEND)

#269 Found at an Airport

Possible answers: HANGAR, RUNWAY, TARMAC, TERMINAL, (WINDSOCK)

#269 Ends in an Article of Clothing (A Mac is a raincoat)

Possible answers: FOXGLOVE, GUMSHOE, TURNCOAT, WINDSOCK, (TARMAC), (LAWSUIT)

#271 Food Preservation Techniques

Possible answers: CAN, CURE, DRY, FREEZE, (SPICE)

#272 Space_____

Possible answers: BAR, CADET, HEATER, STATION, (BLANKET)

#273 Keyboard Keys

Possible answers: COMMAND, CONTROL, OPTION, SHIFT, (SPACE)

#283 Seen at a Sports Stadium

Possible answers: ASTROTURF, JUMBOTRON, SCOREBOARD, SKYBOX, (KISSCAM), (JOURNEYMAN)

#284 Animals

Possible answers: COW, DOE, HEN, EWE, (YAK)

#284 Palindromes

Possible answers: BIB, EYE, GAG, POP, (EWE)

#285 Olympic Sports

Possible answers: BREAKING, HOCKEY, TRAMPOLINE, SKELETON, (CRICKET), (SQUASH), (VOLLEYBALL)

#289 Plant Growths

Possible answers: BLOOM, BUD, SHOOT, SPROUT, (CORONA)

#290 Quarrel

Possible answers: FIGHT, ROW, SCRAP, TIFF, (WAR)

#290 Games of Chance (Poker is technically a game of skill but it's still highly associated with chance)

Possible answers: BINGO, LOTTERY, ROULETTE, WAR, (POKER)

#291 Whale Species

Possible answers: BLUE, FIN, GRAY, RIGHT, (PILOT)

#293 Food Preservation Techniques

Possible answers: CANS, CURES, SALTS, SMOKES, (JAMS), (PICKLES)

#296 Thrust

Possible answers: JAB, POKE, PROD, STICK, (ELBOW)

#301 _____Horse

Possible answers: CHARLEY, CRAZY, DARK, GIFT, (PRIZE)

#302 Brief Moment

Possible answers: FLASH, HEARTBEAT, JIFF, WINK, (ZIP)

#302 Dispute

Possible answers: CLASH, TANGLE, SCRAP, TIFF, (SPAT)

#303 Hair Care Items

Possible answers: BRUSH, COMB, DRYER, IRON, (OIL)

#307 Seen at the Circus

Possible answers: CLOWN, RING, TENT, TRAPEZE, (LION)

#310 Parts of a Theatre

Possible answers: BALCONY, BOX, ORCHESTRA, STAGE, (FLOOR), (FLAT)

#312 Golden_____

Possible answers: FLEECE, GIRLS, PARACHUTE, RULE, (MEAN)

#315 Starting with the Same Sound

Possible answers: CYMBAL, SCIMITAR, SIMMER, SYMPHONY, (SYMBOL)

#318 Mexican Food-Related

Possible answers: CILANTRO, LIME, ONION, SALSA, (PICO), (WRAP), (MOLE)

#328 _____Sale

Possible answers: BAKE, CLEARANCE, GARAGE, SAMPLE, (YARD)

#329 Enjoy

Possible answers: FANCY, LOVE, RELISH, SAVOR, (LIKE)

#330 Quantity

Possible answers: FEW, MANY, SEVERAL, SOME, (COUPLE), (HANDFUL)

#333 Restrict

Possible answers: CHECK, CONTAIN, CURB, LIMIT, (CAP)

#334 Things that Spin

Possible answers: CAROUSEL, GLOBE, RECORD, TOP, (MERCURY)

#336 Cuts of Meat

Possible answers: CHUCK, FLANK, LOIN, ROUND, (RIB)

#339 Forthright

Possible answers: DIRECT, FRANK, OPEN, STRAIGHT, (PLAIN)

#342 Games

Possible answers: CATEGORIES, CHARADES, FISHBOWL, WEREWOLF, (MOUSETRAP)

#345 Billiards-Related

Possible answers: BALL, CHALK, CUE, RACK, (POCKET)

#348 Things You can Crack

Possible answers: EGG, KNUCKLES, SMILE, WINDOW, (CORN)

#351 _____Iron

Possible answers: PUMP, STEAM, TIRE, WAFFLE, (FLAT)

#355 Things People Shake

Possible answers: HANDS, MARACA, POLAROID, SNOWGLOBE, (BODY)

(At Hazbin Hotel, the cat is sleeping at the sofa, until it hears a hammer sound and sees Charles at a stair in the front of a banner above the entrance door saying "Happy First Week, Miss Pentious")
Charles: That looks perfect! (Screams excitedly) I am so excited that Miss Pentious is staying at the hotel!
Vagner: Um, Pentious was just trying to take over the city with her weird steampunk bullshit a few days ago.
Charles: Well, I haven't seen her try to pull any of that here.
(The cat runs from Miss Pentious pushing a giant ray gun)
Vagner: What the hell is that?!
Miss Pentious: Oh, hello, purple male. It's my new invention: the Skin Flayer 11,000! I'm really looking forward to shooting the other residents.
Charles: What? Why?
Miss Pentious: Everyone is being too nice. Obviously it must be a lie. I can sense they're planning to kill me. But when? How? I must be prepared! Ooh, the new parts of my machines are here!
(Two boys enter the hotel with a bunch of box in a cart)
Oddie: Sign here, please. (Gives a clipboard and pen to Miss Pentious, she signs it and give it back) Thank you for your business. Enjoy your Carmine purchase.
Vagner: Carmine? As in Carmillo Carmine? You are buying parts from an overlord?
Miss Pentious: Uh, of course. He's the top weapons dealer in Hell.
Vagner: Okay, well, that stops right now. (Gets the kart with the boxes from Miss Pentious)
Miss Pentious: Hey!
Vagner: You absolutely cannot build weapons in this hotel! No one is trying to kill you. People are being nice beacause they they want you to feel welcome.
(Miss Pentious looks at the bar Hisky and Angela give her the middle finger and Niffter smiles and laughs creepily to her)
Miss Pentious: I have my doubts.
Vagner: Well it's true. You have to trust us.
Miss Pentious: But I don't.
Charles: Well, why don't we focus on that for today's activities?
Vagner: Not before we lay some ground rules: no more building weapons, no more plotting against the other guests and you need to get rid of these things.
(One of the Egg Girls shoots a laser at the roof and breaks it)
Vagner: Ah! What did I just say? What did I just say?
Miss Pentious: What? Not my little Egg Girls! They do my evil bidding for my.
Vagner: Do you want to stay here and redeem yourself?
Miss Pentious: Yes?
Vagner: Then, no more eggs!
Miss Pentious: Alright, eggies. You've got to go. I (Sniffs) can't keep you anymore.
Egg Girl #1: Okay, boss!
Miss Pentious: No, don't resist, this is how it has to be.
(The egg girls follow Vagner and Miss Pentious cries sterically with Charles patting her)
(Alice is seen eating a dead deer with fork and knife in a table in the middle of a swamp)
Vagner: Alice!
(The screen moves showing the swamp in a room and Vagner at the door)
Alice: Do you mind? I'm in the middle of breakfast.
Vagner: Pentious' eggs are all over the place and I need you to get rid of them.
Alice: Oh! Well, in that case, I'd be delighted to!
Vagner: Humanely!
Alice: Um. Well, that's a lot less fun. But I suppose I can take care of that on my outing today. (Leaves her room)
Vagner: Great! (See the dead deer) Oh, this is disgusting.
(At the looby)
Charles: Hi, guys! Thanks for coming! It's been brought to our attention that there maybe a littleeeeeeeee tension at the hotel!
(Miss Pentious grabs Niffter and prepares to shoot him, but Vagner gets her gun)
Vagner: Tension that can be counterproductive to what we're trying to do here.
Charles: We think that this group could really benefit from...(Jumps in front of a lighthing background) Trust exercises!
Vagner: Trust exercises! Oh, shit! (Falls butt down on the ground and Charles gets him up)
Charles: Vagner, we rehearse this. (Sighs) We're doing trust exercises!
Hisky: So, um, what's with the whole, uh...This?
(A stage is seen behind Vagner and Charles)
Hisky: I'm not about to put on some show for these fuckings chumps!
Angela: Oh, I will! (Puts her legs in Hisky's) But it's cash up first. And I know that one afford me.
Miss Pentious: Gross! I'd think of it, spider!
Vagner: Right, let's get started. Charles?
Charles: Actually, I thought maybe you could take the lead on this one. I trust everyone, so maybe you'd know better about how to build it properly.
Vagner: What? Uh, I don't know I'm qualified to...
Charles: Oh, come on! It'll be easy, I'm sure you can handle this.
Vagner: Yeah, um, sure. I can handle this, no problem. (Inhales) Alright, so we are starting with trust falls! Each of you are going to share something vulnerable about yourself and then fall backwards while the rest lf the group catches you, got it? Who wants to go first?
Charles: Ooh! Ooh! Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me!
Vagner: Alright, get on up there!
(Charles gets in the stage)
Charles: I...I love you guys. Like, really love you! (Turns around, falls backwards and Vagner catches him)
Vagner: Got you!
Charles: That...Felt...Good! Angela, why don't go next?
Angela: Fine! (Goes to the stage)
Vagner: This time everyone needs to catch her, okay? Unless you want me to hurt you!
Angela: Well, something about myself, huh? Well, how about this? I love to lick...
Hisky: I swear to fuck if you say pussies!
Angela: Lollipops, ya sicko! Get your head head of the gutter! (Falls backwards and Hisky catches her) But ya know? Pussies, too. (Hisky drops her) Ahh! Alright, new girl, you're up.
(A spotlight shines on Miss Pentious)
Miss Pentious: I don't want to leave without my minions! Nobody catch me. (Falls backwards and Vagner, Charlie and Hisky catch her) Damn it!
Vagner: That's great. Wow, you're slimy. Good job. Uh, Niffter? (Niffter runs runs past him and gets in the stage)
Niffter: Sometimes, I kill father bugs in front of their children as a warning to others! (Falls from the stage, everyone backs away and he falls face down in the ground) Yay! Pain! (Gets up, goes to the stage, falls and repeats it) Hehe, pain!
(Charles and Vagner walk away)
Charles: I don't think this really working the way we hoped. Maybe, we should...
Vagner: Honey, you have to trust me here. I got this, okay? I'll figure something out.
Angela: If you're in the market for some ideas, I got just the thing for some trust building.
Vagner: (Sighs) What do you have in mind?
(In the town, Alice is seen walking with the Egg Girls)
Egg Girl #1: Oh, boy! What's the plan, boss?
Egg Girl #2: I like your suit.
Egg Girl #3: What are the antlers for?
Egg Girl #4: Can I touch your staff thing?
Egg Girl #5: Are those your ears or is it your hair? I can't tell.
(A tall woman appears in front of Alice)
Zestia: Hark, Alice. How fare thee this day?
Egg Girl #1: Who's that boss? Want me to ruff her up for ya?
Alice: Follow in silence if you value your shells! Greetins, Zestia!
Sinner #1: Ahh! Holy shit! (Falls backwards)
Zestia: Ah, the weather did become fine this day!
Sinner #2: Oh! Uh-oh! (Hides in the garbage)
Alice: Indeed! Looks like we might have some acid rain this afternoon!
(A demon screams, covers her in gas and combustes her in flames)n
Zestia: If our luck doth hold. I do reveal in the screams. How art thou? (Walks with Alice) It's been an ages since thou hath graced us with thy presence. Some hath spun wild tales of you falling to...Holy arms.
Alice: (Laughs) Oh, I just took a well earned sabatical, nothing serious. Though is fun to keep everyone on their toes. Ha ha!
Zestia: (Chuckles) There too hath been rumor of thy involvement with the prince and his flight of fancy. Tell me, how does thou fall in such folly?
Alice: That is for me to know. But please, do guess, I'd love to hear the theories!
Zestia: (Chuckles) T'would be grander folly by far to assume the workings of your mind, Alice. Thou hath been naught but an enigma since thy manifested in this realm.
Alice: Coming from someone as ancient as you I take that as quite the complement!
(They walk into an alley, pass through a security cam and Alice statics it, the girls get in an elevator and Alice prevents the egg girls from entering with her staff)
Alice: No, no. I have a very important task for you: stay here and guard the front until I return.
(The Egg Girls salute Alice, the elevator closes and goes up)
Egg Girl #1: Oh, look, Frankie is up there!
Egg Girl #2: We have names?
(In the top the building, the elevator doors open and Zestial, Alice and Frankie get out of it, Frankie sees a blck eyes man and a blue skull woman saluting and a dinosaur guy come ou of an elevator and all of them enter a room with a table and chairs and Frankie hides behind Alice, the black eyes man see her, she waves at him and he smiles showing his teeth and she hides scared, and a man appears at the end of the table with the delivery boys from later)
Carmillo: Welcome, Hell's sovereign overlords. I invited you all here because you represent the controlling powers of our city. Together you own millions of souls. Souls at risk with a new extermination schedul. We need to discuss what can be done to minimize the impact. (See Zestia sitting at his side) Zestia, so good to see you my friend.
Zestia: Encanted as always, Carmillo.
Carmillo: Alice?
Alice: Yes, I know, I've been absent some time. I'm sure you've all been wondering.
Carmillo: Not really. But welcome back in ay case. (Snaps fingers and Oddie gives him a clipboard) This year's extermination was brutal. Far more even than years past. We have assessed that about 16% of the population was lost. With the Angelic Legions returning twice as quickly, I think is prudent that we...
(Veener quicks the door and everyone looks at him)
Veener: (At the phone) Yes, I've got it handled, Vix. Are you doubting me? Really? Me? That's what I thought. Ha ha ha! Yes, I know, they're all a joke. (Laughs) Thank you, Vee. (Kisses) Kisses, darling!
Carmillo: Nice of you to join us, Veener. Will your colleagues be joining?
Veener: No. They have better shit to do than to listen to an old windbag that thinks he's tough shit. I'm here to represent.
Carmillo: Charming. (Veener puts a poop filter on him) So, as I was saying, we need to discuss...
(Veener raises and shakes his hand)
Carmillo: Yes?
Veener: On the subject of discussion. (Throws an angel head in the table)
(Everyone gasps)
Alice: Ooh! Tasty!
Carmillo: Where did you get this?
Veener: We found it during the extermination day. If these holy rollers can be killed, the game has changed. We can take the fight to them. The girls and I have come up with a full assault plan...
(Everyone hears sipping noises, and look at Zestia drinking tea loudly and she puts the cup in the table)
Zestia: If it be true thee and thy colleagues desire to war, with such meagre proof. Thou art far more foolish than I be thought.
Veener: (Scoffs) "Meagre proof"? It's a dead fucking exorcist! I'd say that's pretty fucking definitive! You're going blind, old woman?
Zestia: We know not how this perished. Mayhaps it was not by a demon's hand at all. If we rush to war without knowing might, they purge all of Hell for ding an uprising.
(Everyone mutters in agreement and Veener looks to Carmillo worried)
Veener: Oh! I get it. So grandma is too pussy to fight, so I guess there's no point, right?
(Zestia gets angry)
Veener: Oh, what's the matter, fossil? To senile to make a real power grab for...
Carmillo: (Singing) You better show some respect! Check your behavior! No one speaks too Zestia that way! Did you expect us to sir baxk and rake your insolent brazen display?
Veener: Haha! (Singing) You've got it twisted! I'm not the one who needs a attitude! Maybe you missed it, but I'm that #Bitch and I will do nothing else then what I please! Woo! I'm the backbone of the Vees! Mad that I acted respectless? Well, it's 'cause no one could respect this. Sorry group attendin', since when are overlords too scared to fight? You're long past trendin'. Sorry, bae, but I ain't swipin' right. You lost your relevance.
Zestia: We can't act without more intelligence!
Veener: Ugh, no wonder I'm so respectless. I could eat you lot for breakfast. You and the Vees are inane and uninformed, Smug wannabes, who don't heed when you've been warned!
Veener: Oops! Did I strike a nerve? 'Cause when I brought out the angel's head, couldn't help but observe that your wrinkled face was turning red! And why are you avoidin' war? That's what the guns you sell are for. Thanks to my being respectless. One thing I'm starting to suspect is. You know why this angel's headless. Do you have a disclosure?
Carmillo: This meeting's over!
(Everyone stare at the boys)
Alice: That was a productive meeting!
Veener: (Normal) Hmmph, fine. Safe travel back to nursing home, fuckers! Kiss my ass! Hahaha! (Leaves the room)
Zeezo: What the hell? We literally just got here.
Oddie: Father?
(Carmillo walks away and Zestia follows him and everyone else leaves the room almost staping on Frankie, and Alice see Zestia and Carmilla enter another room)
Alice: Well, that's interesting. You little egg creature. I have a job for you.
Frankie: Oh, yes, boss.
Alice: Follow them.
(Frankie salutes and enters the other room, back to Vagner, Charles and Angela)
Vagner: Angela! What the actual fuck?!
(They're seem in a sex dungeon)
Angela: No activity requires more trust them BDSM, baby. No bond stronger than those formed through bondage. That's their motto. (Points to a poster)
Charles: Angela, love the enthusiasm. But umm, uh...Hmmmm...
Vagner: What makes you think anyone would be into this?
(Hisky purrs with a mister messaging her)
Hisky: Ya know, I...I don't hate this.
(Niffter appears holding a stick)
Niffter: I'm ready to punish some bad girls. (Giggles)
Hisky: Uhh...Nevermind, I-I'm out. (Gets up and walks away)
(Misters surround Charles)
Charles: (Laughs uncomfortably) Okay, hello there. Hi. Um. Hm...(Vagner drags him away)
Vagner: Ugh, can't fucking believe I let you drag us here, Angela. This is disgusting.
Charles: It's no big deal, Vagner. You know, maybe I can just help, uh...
Vagner: No. I told you could trust me. And I'm not gonna let you down. I just need to teach them the way I was taught.
(In a tower roof)
Charles: This is how you learn to trust people?!
(A lot of demons are seen fighting in a bettlefield)
Vagner: (In drill sergeant style) There is nothing stronger than a trust between comrades and arms. Buckle up, buttercups, because today you boys become men! You...(Grabs Miss Pentious)
Miss Pentious: Wait, wait! I can't fight without my minions...(Vagner throws her off the building)
Vagner:...Are gonna survive together! Miss Pentious: AAAAAAHHH!
(Vagner turns to Angela)
Vagner: And you...
Angela: Don't you even think about it...
Vagner: Are make this hotel work! (Vagner throws grabs and throws Angela off the building)
Angela: AAAAAAHHH!
Niffter: (Excitedly) My turn, my turn!
(Hisky get out of the roof, Vagner grabs Niffter, but Charles catches him)
Charles: Vagner, no!
Vagner: This is the only way they'll learn, Charles.
Charles: No, it's not. There are other ways. It just take time.
Vagner: Time we don't have. How many exterminations will have to gone by before these idiots get their shit together? How many times we have to watch your people be killed before we make headway?
Charles: Vagner...
Vagner: I took charge today and it all went sideways. I'm suppose to make your dreams a reality. I'm suppose to protect you. I'm suppose to never fail you. (Leans on the edge of the terrace)
Angela: I blame you for this you crazy bitch!
Charles: You didn't fail me, Vagner...You're not...
Vagner: If I can't help you, what's the point of me?
Charles: (Gasps) Vagner, don't say that! You do so much! It's...
Vagner: I'm sorry. I'd like to be alone for a minute.
(Charles turns away from Vagner and see Angela grabbing Miss Pentious in her back getting in the roof and Angela throws Pentious in the ground)
Angela: Made it.
Charles: Let's go home, guys.
Angela: Ugh! I just walked up all those stairs. (Grabs Miss Pentious and pulls her following Charles)
(In Carmillo's office, he pulls himself a drink)
Carmillo: Ay, que barbaridad. (Drinks from a bottle)
Zestia: Carmillo, what troubles thou? Loosing thy composure is unlike thee.
Carmillo: (Sighs) It's nothing, Zestia. Really.
Zestia: The felled angel...'Twas by thy hand, was it not?
Carmillo: Let's not talk abou it. (Walks away)
Clarence: Dad, maybe she should know.
Carmillo: Nobody should know. (Sits in his desk) I did what to do. I am not discussing this. (Zestia puts her hand in his shoulder)
Zestia: (Singing) What weighs on your soul, old friend? I implore you to share the load. If it was thou who slew the angel, why not let your strength be known?
Carmillo: (Singing) I always thought, that I would keep blood off my face. But when that thing attacked, I had to act, to cross that line and keep them safe. But if anyone knew, then all of Hell would rise to war and who's to say who'd survive the fray? I might lose the ones that I was killing for! So I! I'll be your keeper! (Hugs his sons) Do whatever it takes! I'll make the mistakes! I'll keep you safe and keep this secret!
(Meanwhile, Vagner climbs the outside of the hotel)
Vagner: (Singing) When I saw your face, you made me feel like a stranger in a brand new place and it felt so good to be understood. But there's so much I wished that I could say. So I...I'll be your armor, do whatever it takes, I'll make the mistakes, I'll spend my life being your partner.
Carmillo: And I don't know what we might face, But I know I can't replace you so I'll do anything to save you!
Vagner: And I will try to make your dreams come true!
Vagner and Carmillo: Whatever we go through. I know I....
Carmillo: I'll be your keeper
Vagner: I'll be your armor!
Carmillo and Vagner: Whatever it takes!
Carmillo: I'll make the mistakes!
Vagner: I'll make the mistakes!
Carmillo and Vagner: Whatever it takes!
(Meanwhile, some of the Egg Girls are dumpster diving)
Egg Girl #3: Ooohh. This smells like fun. Ooh, I love garbage.
(Frankie get out of the elevator and Alice stops her)
Alice: So, what did you hear?
Frankie: First, the old woman w-was all "you're not yourself, you're the one who killed the angel" a-a-and the he was all (Singing) Whatever it takes!
Alice: And then what was that last thing?
Frankie: He killed the angel?
Alice: Interesting. Let's keep this between us, shall we?
Frankie: You got it, boss!
(At the hotel, Vagner finds Charles at the hotel)
Vagner: Hey.
Charles: Hey.
Vagner: I'm sorry I got so crazy today.
Charles: No, no, I'm sorry. I'm put pressure on you. We work as a team. I guess I just thought all this would be easier, but we'll figure it out...Together. I mean, look what your exercise did for them.
(In the sitting room below everyone is laughing)
Angela: And then when that buff girl started beating the shit outta you.
Miss Pentious: Ha ha! Yeah, with the desmembered arm. Yes, that, was, particularly unpleasent.
Niffter: He he. I liked that part.
Hisky: Well hey, at least you can take a beating like a champ. You did okay, new kid.
Miss Pentious: Really? Oh, well, I suppose I did get into a little of the old rough and tumblr today. (Laughs) And, uh...Thank you for pullinh me out of there. (Angela staps her back)
(Everyone laugh and giggle, the girls stop, but Niffter keeps laughing manically)
Vagner: Well, how about that?
(Alice returns)
Vagner: Alice. Failed to get rid of the eggs, I see.
Alice: Yes, well, the little monsters prove to be rather useful.
Vagner: Why don't you give them back to Pentious?
Miss Pentious: Really?
Vagner: Yeah. After today, I guess I can trust you with them. But seriously, no more weapons.
Miss Pentious: Ahhhh! (Hugs the Egg Girls) My eggs! Yeah. Oh, it's so good to have you back. Now go clean my quarters this instant!
Charles: Maybe things will move faster than you think.
(In Pentious' room)
Miss Pentious: Ah! How was your day with Alastor, my minions?
Frankie: It was awesome, boss. I went to this meeting and there was a knife guy, an old lady and a dinosaur.
Miss Pentious: Umm. That's nice.
Frnkie: And the knife guy killed an angel. And I was not suppose to be talking about it.
Miss Pentious: Oh, I'm so sure and maybe you'll meet martians tomorrow. Bit now it's time to sleep. Good night, Eggies. (The egg women sleep over her and they all go to sleep)
(The end credits start playing)

Narration Key
[...] - Pause for Listener’s response, about 5 or 6 seconds
[.] - Pause for Listener’s response, about 2 or 3 seconds
*insert sound effect* - Sound effects and narration cues (coughs, sighs, etc.)
“Insert text” - Character dialogue
(Insert text) - Descriptive actions or context, not to be narrated, sound effects are optional
Usage: I don’t mind if this script is used, monetized, or edited, as long as I’m given credit where credit is due.
And as always, all of my scripts are free to be gender-bent!
Thank you, Tyco, for proofreading! <3 You're a real one
Tags: [F4A] [Injured Speaker] [Werewolf Speaker x Human Listener] [A Little Goofy] [Poisoned] [Supernatural] [Worried Listener] [A Little Bit of Serious Talk] [Finding Out The Truth] [GFE] [TW: Mentions of blood and injury]
Characters:
Ashley: A big hunk of a woman with a heart of gold. Thoughtful, lovable, and compassionate, this ultimate girlfriend has a hard time not showing how much she loves you.
Context: After finally having a day off from construction, Ashley has a day off. Unfortunately, her day off isn’t exactly restful. When you get home from work, you find an alarming amount of carnage inside and try to figure out what’s wrong. Little did you know that was only one of your problems.
Setting: Inside your home.
Script:
(The listener walks out of the bedroom to find Ashley humming a tune and making breakfast at the stove.)
[.]
(The listener stands at the bar counter.)
Ashley: “Oh, hey baby! How’d you sleep?”
[.]
Ashley: “That’s good to hear. If you sit down, I’ll have your plate ready in a sec.”
[.]
(The listener grabs a chair and sits.)
Ashley: “Waffles, bacon, and an omelet. Just the way you like it!”
(Ashley sets a plate down.)
[.]
Ashley: “Of course! I know the office has been stressful lately, so I figured something that wasn’t out of a microwavable box would be good for you. Plus, who wouldn’t want a special breakfast made by their girlfriend?... Coffee?”
[.]
(Coffee is poured into a cup.)
[.]
Ashley: “I’m usually gone for work by the time you wake up, but I have today off! Construction at the site has gone a little ahead of schedule, so Cisco said I could take today to rest.”
[.]
Ashley: “Well, yeah, I woke up at 7. Beats waking up at 4, right?”
[.]
Ashley: “Stop fussing and eat your breakfast. You complain about me overworking, but you’ve been coming home late for the past week.”
[.]
Ashley: “Ah-ah-ah- I don’t want to hear anything about some project due. It’s not your fault that your coworkers don’t do their part and it shouldn’t be up to you to make sure it all gets done. If they can’t pull their weight, how are they even keeping their jobs, anyway?”
[.]
Ashley: “... Fair point.”
[.]
Ashley: “Well, in any case, it shouldn’t be up to you to carry the whole project. It’s unfair and it’s not worth it. If it were up to me, I’d have them fired on the spot.”
[.]
Ashley: *Defeated tone* “Yeah, I know…”
[.]
Ashley: “Do I have any plans?”
[.]
Ashley: “Mmmh, not really. I was thinking about going grocery shopping this afternoon. You want anything while I’m there?”
[.]
Ashley: “Cool! I’ll put it on the list!”
[.]
Ashley: “Oh, before I forget, I’m getting some steaks to take to the boys’ place this weekend; Cisco’s kid graduated and we’re throwing him a little party and grilling out. You’re welcome to come with me if you’d like!”
[.]
Ashley: “Sounds good! I’ll let Cisco know later today, I’m sure he’d love to hang out with you again. He’s met you, what, three times so far?”
[.]
Ashley: “Yeah, but he says he likes you so I’d take the win. He’s a person who’s hard to please. I don’t hold it against him.”
[.]
Ashley: “Are you finished eating?”
[.]
Ashley: “I’ll take your plate, then.”
(Ashley takes the listener's plate and washes it in the sink.)
Ashley: “I put your bag by the couch, by the way.”
[.]
Ashley: “Yes, yes, I put the portfolios in there, too. They were sitting next to your laptop.”
[.]
Ashley: “Mhm. I love you, too, baby.”
[.]
(Ashley gives the listener a kiss and the listener walks to the door. Grabbing their bag.)
Ashley: “Bye, have a good day at work!”
[Time skip]
(The listener walks out of their car and to the front door. The door creaks open slightly.)
[.]
(The listener takes a few steps into the house.)
[.]
(Ashley groans painfully in the distance and something clangs onto the bathroom floor.)
Ashley: “Damnit! Hng-”
[.]
(The listener knocks on the bathroom door.)
Ashley: *Pained voice* “Baby?”
[.]
Ashley: “Uh- no,” *wince* “I’m okay.”
[.]
Ashley: “Really, I am!” *pained grunt*
[.]
Ashley: “Blood? There’s blood on the floor?”
[.]
Ashley: “Uh-” *wince* “Uhm. Period… stuff? I don’t-”
[.]
Ashley: “No!- no, don’t come in here. I’m fine!” *groan* “You know how bad my cramps can get. Haha-”
[.]
Ashley: *Wince* “No, baby. I’m warning you, you don’t want to come in here!”
[.]
(The listener pushes on the door until it finally opens.)
[.]
Ashley: “Look- Baby, I can explain-”
[.]
Ashley: “It’s a long story, but-” *wince* “I don’t think I can last much longer sitting like this.”
[.]
Ashley: “Th-the knife. It was- it was laced with something and I need you to understand that whatever you see, it’s still me, okay?”
[.]
Ashley: “Yeah- I know about the claws.” *wince* “They’re kinda on me, haha-” *grunt*
[.]
Ashley: “Okay- listen to me. I need you to listen to me carefully, okay?”
[.]
Ashley: “Go into my car and open the glove box.” *wince* “Inside the glove box is a little purple bag. Don’t open it. Just grab it and bring it to me. Can you do that?”
[.]
Ashley: *Grunt* “Thanks.”
(The listener runs outside and opens a car door, opening the glove box and rummaging through some things.)
[.]
(When the listener finds what they need, they close the car door and run back inside.)
[.]
Ashley: “No, no, it’s okay. You got the bag?”
[.]
Ashley: “Good, good. Now,” *wince* “open the bag and you’ll see some bottles and syringes. Fill one up and-”
[.]
Ashley: “No- I know you don’t like needles, but you have to listen to me. You have to do this, okay?”
[.]
Ashley: “I can’t because I’m contaminated. You have to do it.”
[.]
Ashley: “Listen!”
[.]
Ashley: “If you don’t do this, I bleed out and you’ll have a much bigger problem on your hands. Do you understand?”
[.]
Ashley: *Wince* “Alright. Now take a syringe and fill it. Once you have it, stick it in my leg, okay?”
[.]
Ashley: “Yeah, kinda like an Epi-Pen.”
(The listener fills the syringe and sticks it into Ashley’s leg.)
Ashley: *Wince* “It’s gonna take a second.”
[...]
Ashley: *Sigh of relief* “Thank you.”
[.]
Ashley: “No, no, don’t call an ambulance. I’ll be okay.”
[.]
Ashley: “No- I know it looks bad, but I’m okay, really!” *small wince* “It wasn’t silver, so I should be healed in a few minutes.”
[.]
Ashley: “Can you hand me that towel, please?”
[.]
Ashley: “Thanks.”
[.]
Ashley: “‘What happened?’ Uh… how do I put this?...”
[.]
Ashley: “Er- you know how there’s these… things? Supernatural things.”
[.]
Ashley: “Yeah, like ghosts and stuff.”
[.]
Ashley: “Well, some of them- not all-, but some of them… are… real.”
[.]
Ashley: “Yes, some of them are real. But my point is…” *sigh* “I’m gonna sound like I’m on something-”
[.]
Ashley: “Well, ‘werewolf’ is one term for it. How’d you know?”
[.]
Ashley: “Yeah, I suppose that kinda gave it away.”
[.]
Ashley: “You’re not… scared of me, are you?”
[.]
Ashley: “Well, I don’t know. Normally when someone sees their girlfriend half wolfed-out and bleeding in the bathroom, they’d be a bit… freaked out?”
[.]
Ashley: “You’re not mad at me, are you? I’m sorry I yelled at you.”
[.]
Ashley: “Worried?”
[.]
Ashley: “I’m sorry…”
[.]
Ashley: “I don’t know. For making you worry?”
[.]
Ashley: “At least the cat’s out of the bag, right?”
[.]
Ashley: “Too soon?”
[.]
Ashley: “Uh, yeah you can just-... Put that in the sink for now. It’s not a good idea for me to touch it.”
[.]
Ashley: “Wolfsbane, I’m guessing. Thankfully, the jackass that stabbed me used a steel knife, not a silver one. The stuff you stuck me with was an antidote. It counteracts the poison when we can’t flush it out ourselves.”
[.]
Ashley: “Yeah, thanks to Cisco, it’s in a convenient little bottle. He gets it from some vampire herbalist, Charlie.”
[.]
Ashley: “Yeah… Cisco is one, too. He’s kinda the reason I’m here, actually. He showed me the ropes and how to deal with this stuff.”
[.]
Ashley: “What? No! It’s not a normal thing, trust me. Some dude from animal control tried talking to me when I got out of the car. Must have been one of those damn hunters.”
[.]
Ashley: “Hunters? Did I say hunters? I don’t think that I-”
[.]
Ashley: “Right. Sorry. Your questions.”
[.]
Ashley: “It’s… a long story.”
[.]
Ashley: “No, I wasn’t bitten. That’s a vampire’s thing. Lupines, or werewolves, are born, not turned into.”
[.]
Ashley: “Yeah, I got it from my dad’s side of the family. That’s kind of why he gives you a hard time.”
[.]
Ashley: “Well, he doesn’t think you’d be able to exactly… handle… it. The wolf thing.”
[.]
Ashley: “I know, I know, but deep down he actually does like you. Especially Mom. She thinks you’re great! I guess what I’m trying to say is: most of the time when someone like you finds out about someone like me, they freak out and run away.”
[.]
Ashley: “What? No, of course not! I didn’t tell you because of the things that might follow you finding out. I wasn’t afraid of you running away, I was afraid that someone might try to go after you to get to me.”
[.]
Ashley: “I don’t know… I’ll see if I can pull some strings and get Charlie or one of Cisco’s buddies to keep an eye on the house. Usually, when there's one hunter there’s bound to be a few more. They almost never hunt alone.”
[.]
Ashley: “I know you can fend for yourself, sweetheart, but you can’t keep me from worrying. Trust me, it’s for both your safety and mine.”
[.]
Ashley: “I’d give you a hug, but I’m pretty sure you don’t want my blood on your work clothes.”
[.]
Ashley: “Ah, shit. Did I get any of it on the rug?”
[.]
Ashley: “Oh, okay, good. Thank god for hardwood floors.”
[.]
Ashley: “Speaking of which, I should be good to go now.”
[.]
Ashley: “I’m fineee, see?”
[.]
Ashley: “It’s gone, so there’s nothing to worry about!”
[.]
Ashley: “One of the perks to being supernatural, I suppose. Fast healing, enhanced senses, yadda yadda.”
[.]
Ashley: “Hey. I’m fine, okay? I’m standing, aren’t I? So stop worrying your pretty head about it.”
[.]
Ashley: “Thank you… Now. I gotta get this mess cleaned up. Can you bring in the groceries from the car while I clean the floor?”
[.]
(Ashley kisses the listener.)
Ashley: “You’re an absolute doll.”
[.]
Ashley: “Yes, yes. After I change and clean up, I will answer all of your burning questions over a hefty glass of Italian Vermouth.”
[.]
Ashley: “I promise.”
[.]
(Ashley gives the listener one more kiss.)
Ashley: “Thanks, sweetheart.”
(The listener walks away.)
[End.]

[---Buffs---]
HANK!

1. Charging time : 3s-2.5s
   
2. Added tank trait
   
3. Its GONNA Blow (Sp ) : 10%-15% efficiency
   
4. Hp value 10800-11200
   

( Despite this SHRIMP got huge BUFFS yet still staying on the bottom of the tiers ,is really unideal For that being. This should make him put more pressure and be a little defensive on close range scenario's . Also his sp where he gets his speed buff should be increased as it is only a 10% increaseal )
BARLEY

1. HP value: 4800-5000
   
2. Reload speed increased by 5%
   

( I tried not to give everyone a DMG change since DMG inflation is continuously rising over time.... Soo tried some alternative options tbh. )
JACKY

1. Rebuild ( Gadget ) area coverage: 3x3 -4x4

TARA

1. Both of her spawnables hp from SP increased ---( 2400-3200)---( 3000-3800)---

( Nobody's Talkin about how she fell off in the last few months.
BTY tried a different buff for her. What I've seen is what her spawnables hp from both of her SP is still the same even aftrr the universal stat buff. No wondy why her spawnables are soo fragile RN. )
JANET

1. Attk range: 8.33-9 blocks/tiles

( Hot take but the only thing that i suffer when playing janet is how low her range is.... As a marksman, she just..... Doesn't seem too have enough range, AKA underwhelming ..... Havin that low of attk distance also makes her more fragile, TBH i think this single buff is enough to give her a substantial improvement. )
DARRL
1.Steel hoops SP : Effect duration 2s-3s

1. Projectile amount : 5-4 DMG Distribution ==> 480--600 per projectile
   
2. Super DMG : 800-1200
   

( Darrls viability is slowly descending due to better picks and HCS ( OFC ) but instead giving a basic Hp Buff, i thought what about buffing his steel hoops, as now he can be more aggro with his playstyle as he will be alot tankier . Also with the second change, he can do more consistent chip DMG even at max/mid range, which i think is the biggest flaw RN )
BULL

1. Projectiles amount 5-4 ( Main ATTK DMG distribution: 880-1100)
   
2. Super dash speed increased by 25%
   
3. Hp value : 10000-10400
   

( As i knew it, as more characters getting HCS including tanks, those ones whos viability is mostly bcuz of HC are getting heavily powercrept... Also dont forget the uni: HC nerf. I tried to make his super just a little less dodgable by making the dash speed higher , aand as same as darrl, reduced his projectile amount soo he can deal more consistent chip DMG at maximum range )
DOUG

1. Base healing: 1200-1600
   
2. Added tank trait.
   

ASH

1. FULL Rage gained from receiving DMG : ==>125%- 100% of his base hp
   
2. Rage bar now decays 15% slower
   

( He is also powercrept due to not having a HC as tanks get the most benefit from it and get the most sufferings without it...BUT, recently i am seeing that, as more characters are getting HCs, tanks HCs are also getting powercrept. Those HCS are still Strong tho ...... But i dont think a single HC will make him alot better. This change should let him be more AGGRO tbh )
[--MISCELLANEOUS BUFFS--]
HIEST SAFE: Base HP increased by 25% Upto ==>(80000-100000 hp)

 2. Now has a Damage cap of 5000 per second 

( Do i need to say somtin?.... HIEST recently has been INSANELY powercrept due to more high DMG dealing characters as well as balance changelogs, this sure is a necessary change RN, also keep in mind that the DMG cap is set to per SEC, not like single 5k burst DMG.... That means any higher DMG than 5k on that specific sec will be cancelled )
[---DeBuffs---]
ANGELO

1. movement speed reduced to fast when charging attks ( from very fast)
   
2. SCR : 2-2.5 shots
   
3. Main attk DMG : 4400-4000
   
4. Holding full attk more than 3 attks will slowly revert the attk ( AKA less DMG and SCR )
   

( Absolute insane marksman RN... The HIGH DMG combined with his insane speed is ridiculous )
MELODIE

1. Dash range reduced by 25%
   
2. SCR from notes cut in HALF.
   
3. Interlude ( gadget ) : will now consume all notes (like Ash's chill pill )
   
4. notes no longer charges form special targets including heist safe.
   

5 hp value: 8200-7800
Misc:

1. Using super kick in BB will now consume all the supers.

( INSANELY high mobility and Very fast SCR... Considering how easy to hit shots TBH.... Also nobody's giving a Fuck about it... But for some reason, when applying her basic attk, the notes appear literally from her a-- inside..... , Dealing 2760 per attks... Even if all 3 of your notes are charged, u still do insane Dmg with that goffy ahh gimmick. [ 920 from basic attks+ 1840 from the notes ] this substantially increases her Burst DMG value... also once she gets her super... its pretty easy to cycle it with her notes as the notes charge rate is the same as the base SCR, aka 4 hits......Allowing her to do absurd teamwipes . Also the inability to charge notes from special targets will make her an insane Victim of spawners like Nita and Jessie )
SANDY

1. HCR : 60%-40% ( 1.66-2.5 supers )

( His HC is incredibly strong AF, As if it wasn't enough..... )
JESSIE

1. HCR : 60%-50% ( 1.66-2 Supers )

( got overtuned TBH, getting that much 10k hp turrets are just too overwhelming )
BELLE

1. Base attk projectile speed: 4000-3700

( Tried different aspect to tune her down. Although she is less viable due to current map rotation, but still she is such a versitile pick in soo many places. This will definitely reduce her consistent DMG value, as she can do really good pressure with the bounce gimmek)
BYRON

1. Base healing/DMG: 760-720

( Ok i am sorry, but IMO his Dmg/heal got way overtuned.... I already Kinda doubted that after this change he might need a small Nerf... But at the same time... I think he will still be really Good )
CHARLIE

1. Spiders hp decay increased ( 10%-20%) Upto 10-5s spiders endurance .
   
2. Super : victim can now breakthrough the super with its ammo ( each ammo cuts one of five decays from the super , thats means upto -60% super duration if the victim has all the ammo. 5s-2s upto )
   

Or:
• Victims can now reload with 30% less efficiency

1. Attk unload delay: 500ms-750ms

( IDK how to balance her super TBH. She has to be one of the most unserious character supers I've seen. A fast paced multiplayer game where u always have to be active, Havin a character who literally makes u being idle for a decent period of time.... Like even if the super were 3s, she still will be good... Bcuz of how her super works. her Allie's including herself, gets a huge advantage in many scenarios, because 5s is still enough to do the impossible in ongoin matches, atleast in competitive. Soo increasing the decay again will let her and her allies do less amount of crazy plays and other shit. But if u have any ideas, just let me know how to balance her super properly
but what can i see for now which needs a deserved change is that the spooders gadget Imo is still pretty braindead and strong at the same time.... 10s of endurance if doesn't get damaged helps her soo much for control , this especially helps with single non pierce attkers . This should do the damn job
MAX

1. reload speed reduction : 1300-1450 ms

( She was already pretty underrated without the HC , after the Hc addon for her ,she just easily became insane. But i dont think nerfing her HC will not be that healthy for the HC itself )
Buffs, Debuffs and other changes
MANDY
--CHANGES--

1. first star power is now baseline. it is replaced with THE new SP ( In my sight's)..... Which increases the upper and lower view point by 15% in focused mode...

( IMO her 1st SP is a must for her kit..... So i tried making her 1st sp baseline as I think, she is quiet unviable without it....)
CHESTER
--buffs--

1. Main Attk DMG: ==( 1280-1400)
   
2. SCR : 7-- 6 bells
   
3. Poprocks super now have a throwing range similar to other spawners like Nita.
   

--REWORKS--

1. 2 nd sp now reveals enemy's ammo bar and charge rate ( CHARGE RATE bar amplifies like lous freeze bar)
   
2. 1 st SP now removes one cap bell attack and cycles between 2-3 bells
   

(Although OUR Mighty JESTER dosent have any good competitive purposes, he still feels awfull in Ladder as well.... bumping the DMG will make his long range shots more rewarding and reworking his 1st SP will reduce his Burst DMG buuuut, this SP will indeed increase his Consistency over DMG even more...)
KIT ( SIZABLE REWORK )
--Buffs--

1. after leeching out from an allie, he will gain 33% of his super back
   
2. Super duration when leeched on allies 10s-12s
   

--DEBUFFS--

1. MAIN attk DMG : 2000-1600 ( revert)

--changes ( Reworks )--
1.Power hungry ( SP) : renamed to " Enter context ". When leeched to an allie, his allie will passively Charge its super similar to kit himself, but it will be 20% less effective.

1. Cardboard box ( gadget) : renamed to "Enter context" will increase leached allies movement speed by 25% for 5s
   
2. Overly attached ( SP) : renamed to " Enter context" . Will get 40% DMG when super is applied to opponents and targeted victim will receive 20% more DMG from all source's. The Dmg buff also Includes kits super DMG.
   
3. Cheeseburger ( Gadget) : will now heal kit even if he isn't leeched to any allies. But it will be 30% of his max HP. And now has a maximum healing cap of 4000 . ( small Nerf) so no more Kit + Big tank combo.
   
4. After leeching out of an Allie, he will gain 25% DMG reduction for 5s
   

( Tried to make him actually decently supportive rather assassin type. Hot take but kits whole system is just messed up. From gadgets being not supportive enough to SPs being very situational. One thing i also noticed that, supportive characters who has shorter range generally suffers more than the other supports. And not to mention, his super is not that consistent. After leeching out of an Allie, he literally losts his whole damn super and considering he has no other way to fastly charge his super except attacking others opponents, which he suffers again cuz he has short range , low burst and low Hp. So He has to passively charge it most of the time. Which takes a while where 20s to be exact. So i tried to make his super just a little more cyclable and tried making his whole gadget, SP reworked . To make him supportively better. Soo lastly, WDYT? Did i overdo it, or like overbuffed him? Let me know tho. For any improvements)
FRANK
--Buffs--

1. he can now attank while walking. ( very slow when Attacking , doesn't apply to super )
   
2. Main attk Range increased by 0.33 block/ tile . ( 6-6.33 blocks
   
3. Super attk range increased by 0.33 block/tile ( 7-7.33 blocks )
   

--MYTHIC gear--

1. Will gain 66% of the super back if the previous super gets interrupted

--Debuffs--

1. Hp value : 14000-12000

( I .... Genuinely don't know how to make uim viable, where almost EVERY SINGLE damn characters somehow counter him ... But what can i see about this change is that he can now have some sort of mobility when proceeding attks )
DRACO
--Buffs--

1. Main attk range: 4-4.66 blocks

--Debuffs--

1. Base SRR : reduced by 33%
   
2. Shredding SP will no longer work when cycling super
   

( Yup already, although he wont get any changes this month, i just wanted to show y'all about my change to our fav metal star . Soo far what I've experienced pushing draco to R30 is his first form is actually ok.... ish.... Its gud but..... Sometimes feels weak. But talk about his 2nd form and everything literally changes..... He cycle's super faster than mortis, both healing insane hp with 2nd sp and dealing ridiculous DMG. The easiest change that can tune him down is stopping him from cycling supers. Although I'd say, not that OP than melon and angelo, he both needs buffs and nerfs RN. )
PIPER
--buffs--

1. Hp value 4600-4800 ( revert)

--Debuffs--

1. DMG value: ==>3400-3200
   ( And talk about her DMG, the recent DMG proximity change also for some reason has also increased her maximum DMG area by 0.66 blocks, not sure the exact number, but still i am surely can feel that she is dealing alot more of her maximum DMG in maximum areas . Thats why i think the DMG IMO way overtuned, way too much rewarding when shot hits , needs a balance between like what happened to Nani. )
   

LILY
--Buffs--

1. Ammo amount increased to 2 ( Same delay as Fang )

--Debuffs--

1. Vanish ( gadget ) : now has a 1s delay uppn Activation

( Really gets Carried over this gadget, yet soo fragile without it. )
CHUCK
--Debuffs--

1. Cant place polls in a HIEST safe ( in a radious of 4 tiles )

--Buffs--

1. Reload speed 2000ms-1800ms
   
2. projectile speed 1750-1860
   

--CHANGES ( small reworks) --
1 .autoaiming outside the polls will no longer place one , instead all poles now need to be placed manually. ( To avoid misssuper )

1. Reroute gadget will pick up the nearest pole instead of last placed pole. The gadget Will Still pick up poles even if the super is Charged

( Outside heist and few hotzone maps.... He recently started to become outshined by other controllers. His kit is really weird as it only works decently on specific modes and maps. Soo kinda tried to rework some of his base stats .
And this change to his super will let him do more good pole placements soo he can do more controlling attribution for his team.. although WDYT?.
SAM ( SIZABLE REWORK)
--Changes--

1. 1st SP is now baseline. it is replaced with ( insert name ) which upon deploying his super, he will gain a 15% DMG reduction for 2s
   
2. 2nd SP is now reworked, after launching his super, after 10s, he will instantly charge his super. (Doesn't passively charge bty )
   
3. 2nd gadget is now reworked as well to ( insert name ) . It is like sprouts one, when knuckle Busters are on the ground , using this gadget will automatically home in to himself and will deal 1800 DMG
   

( He is completely dependent on his 1st SP ... IMO making it baseline is important, second of all... Both of his 2nd gadget and SP is Dogshit.... It really need some love... Soo tried this Rework to remove some of Sam's weaknesses. Also. Is the first SP rework good or just made it too strong ?, let me know)
OR, ( Quickfix)

1. knuckle Busters pickup timing reduced by half .
   
2. Hp Value: 10800-11200
   

MAISIE
--buffs--

1. Base SCR : 4-3

--Debuffs--

1. Disengage gadget will be disabled when proceeding super
   
2. Tremors ( SP ) duration : 2s-1s
   

( A SINGLE CHANGE, singular, not plural .... Just made her literally fall from a skyscraper to below average, and i kinda knew it, a character whos equally consistently dependent on its super and attk , having a same SCR ans SSR is a must have..... Which Maisie had.... Which also maded her consistent. But IMO reverting jt will be a stupid ass idea, soo i tried some other good ways to tone it down. Like the tremors SP, which Imo is one of the biggest reason she was able to cycle supers that much... Like the slow was soo much that she could even even Autoaim most of the time and EZLY get her super back.... And dont get me started when it is combined with that stupid disengage gadget combo, she literally gets like twice the range of her Normal super.... And people barely gets any time to react. )
FANG
--debuffs--

1. SRR : 45hits
   
2. Super DMG: 2400-2200
   

--buffs--

1. Main attk DMG : 2720-2800
   
2. Super dash speed: 4000-4500
   

HYPERCHARGE Tweaks

1. HCR : 20%-30% -- ( 5-3.33 supers)

(fresh kicks SP has been always a must pick for his kit, and now because of his buffed SCR , this SP just straight makes him to be able to destroy low-mid ladder player matchmakings . Although he is counterable in competitive matches. But knowing the fact that 70% of the whole player base are casuals, i think he actually needs a super Debuff, cuz NOBODY likes to get teamwiped in a matter of seconds. He was already pretty solid IF U PLAYED HIM well enough which most of the people weren't. After his SRR buff, he already became STUPIDITY braindead as it is pretty EZ TO cycle supers.
He's been mid since he got his HC nerfed and MOST importantly, professional players finally realizing how to counter him... And guess how they counter him?, By baiting his super gimmick. Such characters like spawnables easily bait Fangs super with thier spawners, and those who dont have any spawning abilities, but have any sorta CC ( most of them now has some sorta CC ) , EZLY escapes or destroys him with thier reaction speed... Soo in order to make fangs super less dodgable, i increased the speed.
Now i just wanna make him skill based as how he was before sep 2023. The main thing that i noticed was his SRR change is what made him less skill .
Tried to revert it. But also giving him some buffs to balance thing's out.
GUS ( Rework to supportive gimmicks )
--Buffs--

1. spirit heal: 1600-2000

--CHANGES--

1. Hitting a Spirit Charged attk on a wall will now spawn a Ghost as well
   
2. 2nd gadget: removed HP sacrificial ( 5%-0% ) And next attk upon Activation will spawn 2 spirits
   

( Really hoping this will make him shine again, tried to make him supportively viable by making the spirits actually useful for healing his Allie's. Keep in mind that the sprits healing buff is an indirect buff to his 1st SP as well. Allowing his allie to heal upto 4000 which is pretty substantial. And adding some kind of CC to him soo he can atleast retreat with THIS but added additional nerf to it for a compensation. )
LOU
BUFFS:

1. Projectile speed : 4000- 4200
   
2. SCR : 8-7 shots ( without SCR gear )
   

HYPERCHARGE tweaks (DEBUFF)

1. Hypercharged super insta freeze -70% of the freeze bar will be filled

( Same is COLGATE, not any big problems on his main kit, except his HYPERCHARGE.... Buuut supercell really likes to kill a character whos main issue isn't his base kit. You can still almost insta freeze any enemy with HCed super combined with Cyro Shyrup )

Hi, everyone.
Just thought I could give a personal opinion on what minimum required brawlers you should have to play in ranked (mythic and above) I am masters second season in a row, have over 11700 3v3 wins and 27 fully maxed out brawlers (-hypercharge on some), so hopefully it gives me some credibility. All brawlers discussed are supposed to be maxed out power 11 with one or several gadgets, star powers and 2+ gears. Hypercharge is desirable, but is often non-essential.
Here we go:
You need at least 3 marksmen, being belle, piper and brock (brock for wall breaks, belle is extremely universal and piper for damage). Alternative to piper can be angelo mandy or nani and you can also choose byron (he is support but can carry easily)
Next, you need at least 1 tank. IMO best options are Bibi or Rosa. They are very universal and are relatively easy to play. Alternatives include Jacky (mostly only good for brawlball, or hot zone), Sam is an assasin but can double as a tank (requires quite a lot of skill to play but is an interesting option), Buster is also very good but requires teamplay. Bull, Doug, Hank, Frank, Ash and Primo are not that good in my opinion. Also there is Poco but he ideally pairs with other tank or damage dealer.
Also, you need at least 1 thrower. If you can pick only one I would advise sprout. If two sprout + (barley, L&L, or Dyna). After you have at least two from aforementioned four (sprout is 1 out of 2) you can go for Grom, Willow and Tick.
Next, you should have at least 1 wall break (in addition to Brock). In my opinion the best option here is Griff as his wall break is easiest to do and also he doubles as a wonderful anti-tank. Alternatives are Colt, Ruffs, or Stu.
Next, you need at least 1-2 anti-tanks (or brawlers that can output a lot of damage on close/medium range and have medium/high hp). Best anti-tank in game bar none is Shelly, but you can also use Griff, Colette and other brawlers (primarily tanks, controllers and damage dealers.
Next, you need at least 2 controllers. Best options are Sandy, Amber and Jessie (others are not so universal e.g Spike, Lou, Emz, Squeak, Tara)
Then you need at least 1 diver (high mobility, high dps). Primarily it is an assasin, or Bibi. Best options here are Mortis and Melody. Others are Fang, Buzz, Cord, Lily, Sam, Mico, and Edgar. If we are stretching it even further, it can be Leon or Carl + Ult + Flying Hook
Other brawlers that are really good to have/must have and maybe were not mentioned:
Colette as anti tank + for heist.
Chuck for heist.
Gray as anti-thrower + as a diver.
Gene for Gem grab and Knockout.
Rico on certain maps as a very good choice.
Lola as one of the best quickfire modifier brawlers + solid mid.
Meg as damage dealesponge + against marksmen.
Mr.P as a passive anti-thrower and a great option against marksmen.
Otis as a forgotten anti-tank and great damage dealer.
Surge as a very great do-it-all type + solid against tanks.
Others that are great (Max, Carl, Nita, Pam, Charlie, R-T, Kit, Eve for water maps, Pearl and Bea)
Soooooo, in total, to comfortably play ranked on a high level, in my opinion, you need at least: 10 brawlers (±1) Open to discussion)

Background: I’ve run and played Mork Borg, Vast Grimm, and Pirate Borg, but hadn’t yet had a chance to play Cy_Borg. Recently I had some guys ask me if I’d be willing to run it for them and I said hell yes! I watched a few APs of Lucky Flight Takedown and decided to just run with that. I wanted to keep things fast and loose with a lot of “yes, and” to keep things moving and let them play around with the casino sandbox and their powers, and learn the rules (two of the four had played Mork Borg, two had never played it). My goal was to keep the session around 3.5 hours so I’d know if I could run this as a four-hour con event in the future. I made a bunch of pre-gens and screened out any that were obnoxiously good or hopelessly awful, and then picked two mid-level ones per class that I felt would cover a mix of equipment and powers that would give them options.
My four players picked:

• Shunned Nanomancer
• Cyberslasher
• Burned Hacker
• Discharged Corp Killer

LUCKY FLIGHT TAKEDOWN – Recap [CONTAINS SPOILERS]
SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS
I considered skipping the “you meet in a tavern and get a quest” bit but ultimately kept it in as it’s a chance to do a little lore dump about the world/setting of the game, and having them roll into the bar individually means each of them can do a little intro of their character (name, appearance, notable stats/powers/equipment and such).

Task in hand, the PCs set out to case the casino. One thing I noted in all three APs I watched was that every time the players said, “We’re going to case the place while it is open, regroup, and come up with our plan.” And without fail, something happened and they started the heist right away.

In our case here, the PCs split up, with three going into the casino and one circling the outside to note the possible entrances and exits. Note that for the purposes of PC communication I assumed they all had some way of talking to each other. Two of the PCs stayed on the bottom floor while one made his way upstairs to the VIP entry area. One note here is that I was rolling for room encounters and during the entire course of the adventure, I only rolled ONE result (on a 1-in-8) that triggered one. Regardless, the PC outside met up inside and we now had essentially two groups of two. One of them – our Corp Killer and Burned Hacker – were proceeding carefully and taking notes. The Hacker successfully and stealthily hacked into a machine and got access to a more detailed map of the interior, while the Corp Killer tracked the movement of bouncers/security.

While this was happening, The others were… less cautious. Lot of questions about the employee only office upstairs from the Nanomancer, who used a power to project himself in and see what was going on, only to be met with regular boring corporate drudgery – and the knowledge of the staff elevator.

Ultimately the Nanomancer hatched a plan to get one of the employees IDs and uniforms. I did some random rolls and said yes, you see an employee exit that area onto the floor and buy a snack from the vending machine, and then head to the restroom after. The Nanomancer and Cyberslasher followed him into the bathroom, cleared out the shady guys making deals in there, and then the Cyberslasher held the door, while the Hacker rolled well so I gave him security camera access on the first floor, and he set up a camera feed loop so that nothing seemed off with the bathroom. I started a 6-action clock of “security notices the same guy has gone into and out of the bathroom and something’s wrong” (clocks like this are one of my favorite mechanisms in Blades in the Dark, and one which I use often in other games to keep action moving.) The Nanomancer decided the right move was to sidle up next to the employee at the urinal and pee on him, at which point the poor guy went to the sink to try to wash up, proclaiming “God this is just making it look worse, what the hell!” At that point we had a melee strike attempt to knock the guy out that missed badly, moving us to initiative. Fortunately the PCs went first and the Cyberslasher with his literal Flail, rolled a hit and bashed the guys brains out by dealing max damage, knocking his head clean off.

A couple things happened from there. I started a clock of “someone comes into the bathroom”. First, they did get the keycard they wanted. Second, they had to dispose of the body with its now useless and bloody uniform. They elected to jam it into a stall and drop the head in the bowl, just as someone came in to use the bathroom with the shady bathroom dealmakers right behind them. That started another clock of “someone discovers a headless body in the bathroom”. The PCs got together and hatched a new plan: the Burned Hacker would use the employee ID card to enter the exterior employee only entrance, grab a uniform, and head upstairs to get to work. From there he’d hack the system further and try to locate the offline database. He’d also change the photo in the employee database of the employee whose card they had to match his photo, so a cursory review wouldn’t find anything wrong if anyone stopped him – he’s just a new hire.

In the interim, our clock expires – a poor white-faced guest staggers drunkenly out of the bathroom, shouting, “Hey man, someone like, shit out their own head in there!” This starts a new clock, a cleaning crew carts the body out and down to the basement, which is fine, but at the clock expiration, I’d roll to see if anyone noticed that this wasn’t a random casino guest but actually an employee. (This clock expired and I rolled that someone did care, and started a new clock of “Vaska is notified and contacts Wattana”, but the rest of the action happened fast enough that it didn’t matter, and as you’ll see, the PCs never went into the basement.)

The other 3 PCs took up strategic positions in case of emergency while this plan unfolded. The Hacker uniformed up and took the elevator into the 2^nd floor staff room, picked a cubicle and got to work. His objective was to find an employee that was disengaged and had a “I don’t care about this” attitude, but he failed badly and landed next to Anderson, a super chipper and very pro-company team member who was very eager to learn all about this new face. Our Hacker failed a check to see if he could deck in without being observed, and burned a glitch and nailed his reroll. From there I gave them a more detailed map of the second floor and some info on the basement, as well as access to security cameras on the second floor. (Keep in mind this entire time with every room, I’m rolling a D8 with a 1 meaning a random event, and totally whiffing.)

These developments led to some significant scheming and plotting. With the 2^nd floor blueprint and access to the security camera feeds, the PCs knew there were some rooms worth exploring and where the vault was, but no real evidence that their target was in the Vault – though, that is perhaps a reasonable assumption, and if the vault had anything of value it might supersede the whole “decommissioned squad car” reward anyway. A new plan was hatched: the PCs outside of the Hacker would head outside and around back, and be let into the employee entrance on the first floor. They’d grab uniforms and head upstairs to the second floor elevator. As soon as they came up, the Hacker would use a nano power to make all the electronic games start paying out jackpots while taking the cameras on the first and second floor offline, and make it look like the hacking was being done by his cubicle neighbor. The group would head through the tech room into the vault and use another nano power to break it open, stealing whatever was inside, and then make for the exits with hopefully either the database or whatever else was in there.

Not all the rolls went their way from here, but collectively they had enough glitches to make everything go according to plan… except I FINALLY hit a random encounter roll, so when they walked into the tech room as pandemonium broke out downstairs with all the games paying out jackpots all at once, two techs were in the room in a fistfight over whose fault it was that things were going haywire. The PCs solved this by blaming poor Anderson and rolling well to convince them, and off they went to report Anderson to security. The PC’s got into the vault and looted it, realizing they’d found the database, and didn’t have a good way to sneak him out. They probably could have figured out something if they wanted, but they elected for the more action-packed exit strategy of “run for it and gun down anyone in our way!”

Sprinting back to the employee room to get to the elevator, our Corp Killer tossed a few Flashbangs out and got a nat 20, blinding the ever-living hell out of everyone outside the hallway and in the VIP area by the stairs, including four SecOps guys who were beating poor Anderson within an inch of his life for his “hacking”, and ran down the steps, where they were stopped by two bouncers and one SecOp who clocked what was happening amongst the chaos. Unfortunately for these guys, the PCs caused a CyRage in the SecOp guy who went berserk and started gunning down random passersby, while they made fairly quick work of the two bouncers. From there it was into the first floor employee area where another Flashbang made it hard for the four guards in there to fight back, as they were gunned down and struck by a flail and generally cut to ribbons, although one did connect with the poor Nanomancer who was dropped to 1HP. From there out the side door and into a waiting Uber-XL, our PCs disappeared into the night, the sound of jackpots and a raging SMG-toting guard fading into the background.

The PCs were pretty pleased with the chips they looted from the Vault, which took away some of the sting of their meetup with Charlie not happening, and obviously they also didn’t rescue Batu or really attempt to do so. Just as they were about to leave the meetup with Charlie empty-handed, some community members rolled up in the decommissioned patrol car with information: Charlie was made by the Corp that backs the Casino, and was about to be put on a high-security train to Borghold. They promised a small reward for his rescue, but more importantly, the torture AI’s in Borghold would surely crack Charlie’s mind and ID the PCs, so they needed to rescue him, or otherwise neutralize his ability to ID him.

With that, the credits rolled on LUCKY STRIKE TAKEDOWN, with a teaser leading into 3:10 to Borghold if the players want to continue on with these characters.

Music I played during our session:

Intro:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEtdyn2QEzA&list=PLjXZJPJLkR-hgTPa6brR6EPlLd9CZmZiR&index=13
Play session:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsvYVVRAk0c&list=PLjXZJPJLkR-hgTPa6brR6EPlLd9CZmZiR&index=3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wBNgz8ciZQ&list=PLjXZJPJLkR-hgTPa6brR6EPlLd9CZmZiR&index=4
Outro/credit roll:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ys31D54fDas&list=PLjXZJPJLkR-hgTPa6brR6EPlLd9CZmZiR&index=8

I used Maps from Itch which I displayed on an external monitor:
https://www.reddit.com/Cy_Borg/comments/1clrw9t/comment/l2vhy5h/

Hello! Im researching and would like to know your opinion on which of these cruises you would recommend most. They are all in the 120-170 a night range. We are a family of four with 3 adults and one 10-year old. We've only been on one cruise before, Carnival Magic, which was okay but didn't enjoy how run down and dirty it was.

8 Night Southern Caribbean

Carnival Celebration

Roundtrip: from Miami, Florida
Ports of Call:

• Oranjestad, Aruba
• Kralendijk, Bonaire
• Willemstad, Curacao

9 Night Caribbean: Great Stirrup Cay & Dominican Republic

Norwegian Sky - OPEN BAR!

Roundtrip: from Miami, Florida
Ports of Call:

• Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic
• Charlotte Amalie, St. Thomas, U.S.V.I.
• St. Johns, Antigua
• Philipsburg, St. Maarten
• San Juan, Puerto Rico
• Great Stirrup Cay (Cruiseline Private Island), Bahamas

7 Night Eastern Caribbean with Puerto Rico

Enchanted Princess

Roundtrip: from Ft. Lauderdale (Port Everglades), Florida
Ports of Call:

• Princess Cays (Cruise Line Private Island)
• San Juan, Puerto Rico
• Grand Turk Island, Turks & Caicos
• Amber Cove (Puerto Plata), Dominican Republic

8 Night Southern Caribbean

Carnival Horizon

Roundtrip: from Miami, Florida
Ports of Call:

• Oranjestad, Aruba
• Kralendijk, Bonaire
• La Romana, Dominican Republic
• Amber Cove (Puerto Plata), Dominican Republic

7 Night Western Caribbean with Mexico

Enchanted Princess

Roundtrip: from Ft. Lauderdale (Port Everglades), Florida
Ports of Call:

• Cozumel, Mexico
• Belize City, Belize
• Roatan (Isla Roatan), Bay Islands, Honduras
• Costa Maya (Mahahual), Mexico

6 Night Eastern Caribbean & Perfect Day

Freedom of the Seas

Roundtrip: from Ft. Lauderdale (Port Everglades), Florida
Ports of Call:

• Perfect Day At Coco Cay, Bahamas
• Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic
• Nassau, Bahamas

8 Night Aruba Bonaire & Curacao

Celebrity Beyond

Roundtrip: from Ft. Lauderdale (Port Everglades), Florida
Ports of Call:

• Oranjestad, Aruba
• Kralendijk, Bonaire
• Willemstad, Curacao

I've been re-listening to the Suddenly Shocking episodes and had forgotten how much bite some of those little stories have.
The story I just listened to was called Door Skin (S16) and, in under 7 minutes, it practically hypnotized me at the same time it grossed me out. I'm never going into the woods again.
Anyway, I realized that I sometimes can't find stories that I'm looking for, because they're buried in the Suddenly Shocking episodes. So I've been writing little non-spoilery, one-line summaries as I listen.
I've listed the S1 stories below...would it be useful to anyone else for me to continue posting these as I listen? If so, maybe a mod can chime in on whether it should be a single post I that I keep adding to, or separate posts for each season. (Don't want to junk up the forum.)
NOTE: the early seasons weren't good about listing the authors, so I guessed on the names and spellings...forgive the mistakes, please!

• Museum of Death by Ryan Williams Humans are trapped in glass boxes as museum exhibits
  
• I Really Don't Drink Much by Sandy Jo Kennedy Woman who's a lightweight at handling alcohol is given a roofied drink by an attractive man, and he gets more than he bargained for
  
• My Daughter Learned to Count by Daniel Angel Young girl tells her father how old she is by holding up fingers
  
• Old Granny by Zachary Abate Granny warns kids of the potential consequences of their actions, and Granny never lies
  
• Next Time You'll Know Better by D G Collins A foul, definitely not sexy vampire creature bites, but it doesn't drink blood
  
• A Good Wife by Sandy Jo Kennedy Husband freezes to death outside his own house, but his wife can't be blamed
  
• The Fun Part of Playing Alive by Christopher Burke Kid who loves playing dead actually goes to the Land of the Dead and wants his family and friends to join him
  
• I Lost My Phone by Brandon Dale Girl uses a friend's phone to call her lost phone...someone answers
  
• The Final Sin by George Weston Father with a young son has only a gun to use against a demon attack
  
• Time Keeper by Joe D Boy inherits a watch that counts down the amount of time he has left in life
  
• A Message from Your Personal Demons by MrGarm Three demons are assigned to a child at birth
  
• The Last Dance by Daryl Short Obnoxious man from a bar leaves a woman he met increasingly hostile voicemails
  
• A Woman's Place is in The Home by Sandy Jo Kennedy Wife does all the shoveling and snow clearing, which her lazy husband resents because it makes him look bad
  
• I Didn't Forget by E R Locke Teen doesn't take his meds but goes to meet his date at a coffee shop anyway
  
• The Perfect Little Boy by Raphael Marmol A couple adopts a little boy from another country, spoils him rotten, then takes him to meet their real son
  
• Twenty Five Years by Jay Myer A man dies, but his consciousness carries on
  
• This Is Why I Hate Clowns by Raphael Marmol Man who hates clowns has a daughter who loves them
  
• I Hate It When My Brother Charlie Has To Go Away by Emil Terziev Boy has an institutionalized little brother who does vicious things every time he returns home
  
• The Key to All Happiness by L J Hayne Beggar gives a key to a man and tells him it opens the door to all happiness
  
• A Change of Dates by Miguel Ferrar Man who knows when others will die tries to interfere with fate
  
• He Stood Against My Window by Sara Cook A stranger stands with his forehead against a house window, smiling
  
• Wendigo by Christopher Bowler Group of experienced men go hunting a creature, but they don't all come back
  
• Behind Closed Doors by Leela Invero Girl sees her creepy neighbor breaking into her house and calls the police
  
• The Black Lagoon by Paul Stroud Group of friends go cliff-diving at a remote lagoon and one of them dies...the rest return to the lagoon a year later
  
• Gray Spot by Jay Myer Woman sees a spot in the corner of her eye that grows and then turns her eye completely gray
  
• Deep Breath, Start Over by D G Collins A priest visits his brother, an extremely smart man who built a teleporter that has not-quite-lossless transmission
  
• Have You Seen My Son by Patrick Narvasa Woman looks everywhere for her missing son
  
• Honeymoon at The Falls by M J Pack Young newlyweds honeymoon near Niagara falls, a place which draws many people to risky behavior
  

I did my Charlie Morningstar as a plus size cosplayer! I stoned the jacket myself (I am a drag performer) and this was the second time I'd ever done makeup like this! I was worried that no one would recognize me at the bar I was performing at. It felt so good to walk in and I heard someone say, "look it's Charlie from Hazbin." Everyone loved it and I am glad as I relate to Charlie so hard

I know people think this film is apolitical and are irritated by left and right interpretations, and it's about journalism, which it is. For sure. I don't give a shit about politics and I'm a white guy that doesn't any kind of agenda, I'm not even American. I generally despise conversations about people looking too far into art/media but this film has the ol' wheels turning.
So I drank the Koolaid so you don't have to, and will present a case, I don't necessarily believe all of this but here's how the full Pepe Silvia / Charlie argument would go.
TLDR: there's a good amount of implied evidence that the Civil War in the film is somewhat connected to a wider race war. Would only be apt since the first Civil War was kind of about race... or was that just... state's rights (to WHAT?).
Hotel Bar Scene
Sammy: "And you can't get anywhere near Philly. So you gotta go west, maybe as far as Pittsburgh."
Question is why can't we go anywhere near a city that's still in the loyalist part of the US? It's 700 miles from the front lines, and thousands of miles away from the successionist states, so what's going on? (43% of Philly identifies as black, the most in PA.)
Sammy: "But... you gonna make me explain why I have to be there?"
Why the fuck does Sammy have to BE THERE in particular? Job security? Both Lee and Joe don't have a response and look semi-ashamed after he says this, they then agree to take him to Charlottesville, he is 100% fearful of going near Washington, possibly because he's big boned.
Road Trip Through PA
Impartial counterpoint: on the way out of NY into PA, a few of the checkpoint soldiers are indeed black or POC - but these are possibly just militarized police, conscripted MPs or National Guard, the Gov't is getting squashed in the war and probably aren't sparing real manpower to lowly checkpoint posts.
Sammy: "You don't wanna miss this" - he has Jesse look to up at the road - the US version of the highway of death in PA - Sammy damn well knows it's coming up (cars are pointing West - the direction they're travelling, likely on the Westbound road out of Philadelphia toward Pittsburgh. (digital highway sign says MINES AHEAD).
This is possibly an allusion to the infamous (in the 90s and 2000s at least) "Highway of Death" from the Gulf War, US/UK/Canada/French forces destroyed some 3000 mostly stolen Kuwaiti fleeing vehicles on the road from Kuwait to Basra mostly by airpower.) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Highway_of_Death
So WHY were these people in particular targeted when other cities and people seem to functioning? These people weren't WF, maybe just sympathizers. They were clearly fleeing and stopped by force, fleeing from Philly going west?
Impartial counterpoint: Two looters strung up (and shot off screen) are white.
Sammy suggests hardball questions Joel should ask the President, obviously he's thought a lot about what he'd like to ask him himself but for some reason can't go to DC himself (possibly he's too big boned)
Sammy: "State of the nation is QED"? (Don't know what this means)
Hawaiian Shirt Militia scene
Like 80% of the Hawaiian shirt militia are POC. They execute a (white) wounded solider on sight and very happily machine gun three of the captives (white). This is the literal definition of a war crime. Joel is seen having a good laugh with the "war criminal henchman" afterward, the others are nonplussed as usual. But Joel is characterized as a generally good dude, so what gives?
Stadium Refugee Camp
Most people in the refugee camp stadium are POC, like 90%. No where anywhere does it say this, and it's a stretch, but is this a cordoned off ghetto? This can't be geographically far from idyllic pristine white town scene that comes next. The girl that lets them in looks like a volunteer, UNICEF type person, so maybe not.
Through exposition, Jesse's and Lee's parents are revealed to be back home on a farm 'pretending it's not happening'. They're white and possibly don't have an existential stake in this war for whatever reason.
Idyllic Town in West Virginia
All white, where are the POC? Sammy doesn't go in to the shop for whatever reason and leans against the truck on the curbside, physically covering his big bones from the line of fire from the two snipers on the roof, the camera pans up to reveal they've been watching him closely. He says be subtle when he asks Lee to take a look, then asks her "you actually bought something?". But not in a judgmental tone, just one of mild surprise. Lee says this is everything she'd forgotten (normalcy) and Sammy says it's everything he's remembered (people watching him with suspicion).
At this point the 'all white townspeople' dispels the notion that Garland just casted random extras for all the scenes. For me at least.
Meth Damon and the Genocide Boys
Meth Damon and the two guys are using 3 military earth movers, the SUV they captured (Hong Kong guy and Jesse) was forcibly parked and detained off camera just out front of a nicely kept estate with a freshly mowed lawn, the secret mass graves are literally in the backyard. This means the "secret" mass graves are mostly in plain sight.
From a distance Joel guesses they're "not government forces, not up here". Implying they're too far from the front line to be an active Gov't unit. So they're possibly deserters or extreme (very extreme) far right local civilian LARPers. Possibly taking advantage of the chaos and having a good laugh while ethnically cleansing their neighborhood.
However they have a CIB patch and SSI on their left shoulders which imply at least the uniforms are Gov't military. Nametags/rank/etc, are stripped from their uniforms and they don't seem to be enforcing much of a dress code, hence the sexy non-reg glasses. So they've been operating without oversight for a good while.
All of the people in the dump truck bed being dumped into the mass grave are POC.
Here's a stretch - they could be the far right US Gov't version of the Einsatzgruppen (Nazi death squads). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Einsatzgruppen The Nazis tended to choose real hardliners for these units, guys who violently put down prison revolts, etc., seems within character with Meth Damon.
The first execution is the most obvious POC - no questions asked. Next is Joel, while facing execution, Joel pauses and is trembling when he's compelled to say he's from Florida, which the audience expects will seriously piss off Meth Damon because Florida is a (fucking) successionist state leading an insurrection against the US government.
Meth Damon replies 'central', as in "Central America", implying he cares more about Joel's ethnicity than the fact he's hailing from a literal enemy state.
Meth Damon gives the two white people (Jesse and Lee) free passes for being from Colorado and Missouri. American. Then shoots guy from China. The mass grave is full of POC, including lots of women, women weren't spared on account of them being women, but white. Post scene exposition regarding what the holy fuck just happened is completely missing because Sammy is dying and because of Sturgill Simpson.
There's definitely a kindergartener in the mass grave.
Counterpoint: Some people in the grave look potentially white/have white people looking hair.
My takeaway is that they're just a side effect of the chaos and lawlessness near the front - they're what the farthest of the far right neo nazis would do - Even the reporters haven't seen anything this bad, the underestimate it.
Counterpoint - If Garland wanted us to think they were legit, Govt forces carrying out policy he'd have out them in full kit, full name badges, receiving orders from superiors, etc. Clear decision here to leave the fundamental reasons ambiguous, but 100% racially motivated.
Why don't the journalists know any better? They don't know shit about the war.
At the hotel scene Sammy, a New York Times reporter, says the WF supply lines are collapsing and they are operating in anarchy, competition with one another, and will turn on themselves once the war is over. Totally not true when we see finally see the WF FOB, even reporters have been fed propaganda and don't know shit what's going on out there. There doesn't seem to be a functioning Internet anywhere on the road, outside of the hotel, which is slow and prone to disconnects (probably firewalled worse than China's).
After Sturgill Simpson
Super ambiguous - Lee says "it may sound fucked up there were so many ways it could have ended for him, and a lot of them a lot worse. He didn't want to quit." Why does Sammy have horrifying potential deaths and not the rest of them? Big bones?
White House
Presidents staffers and staff in the Beast are white. Secret service all seem white, I didn't rewatch this part closely so don't quote me.
Counterpoint - Press Secretary ? who tries to negotiate the President's extradition is black. However, the black lady WF soldier is the only person the squad allows to speak to her, the others don't interrupt, and she is the only person to open fire on her - a single shot, no backup fire or doubletapping. Why? At no point is she leading the squad so why does she speak for them? Seems like an very specific and intentional decision by the director.
Counterpoint - Before she dies, he requests the President's extradition to a neutral territory - Greenland or Alaska - Alaska isn't part of the US anymore (Alaska has been solely run by Republicans since the 1960s, and is only 4% black)
The most telling point of the film:
The three "Navy Seals" and the other WF Forces holding the President at gunpoint are white, except for WF black lady. The black WF soldier is allowed to fire the only two execution shots. The others don't jump the gun or ask if they can be the hero who pulls the trigger, or fire additional shots.
Imagine how thirsty Seal Team 6 was to be the guy who shot fucking Bin Laden. Why did Garland write this so only the black female soldier gets the kills shot?
That's what I got.

PLAYBOY Interview With Conan O'Brien Interview by Kevin Cook For Playboy Magazine February 1998 Part 3
Playboy: Now that you're doing so well do you worry about losing your edge? O'Brien: I fear being a victim of success. It's seductive. You have new choices. "Conan, Sylvester Stallone wants to be on, but we're already booked." My feeling is that I must say no to Stallone. "Sorry, Sly. Bob Denver's on that night.
Playboy: How's your relationship with NBC executives now that the show is a success? O'Brien: Better. But I have not forgotten the bad old days. Let me tell you about one executive. He's no longer with the company. I had him killed. But in our darker days he came to the set one night after we did a great show. I come off after the show and this guy says, "Wow, that was terrible." He thought the show should look like MTV. "Run into the audience and tell jokes. Run up to a guy, have him shout his name, get everybody cheering."
Playboy: You didn't agree apparently. O'Brien: Too much of television is energy with no purpose. People going "Whoo!" But that's just empty energy. That's American Gladiators. I often try to lower the energy, especially when school is out and college kids are here. They're huge fans, they're psyched, but we're a quirky comedy show, not MTV Spring Break.
Playboy: Were you thrilled when the Marv Albert sex case hit the news? O'Brien: Oh man, was I into Marv. I would love to trick you into thinking I'm high-minded, but that story made me think, My God, yes, I'll use this, and this... But it bothered me the way he was publicly vilified. People were getting off on the kinky stuff; they condemned Marv for wearing women's clothing, which isn't a crime.
Playboy: Yet tonight you did a Marv Albert joke. You said Marv had a new job as a mannequin at Victoria's Secret. O'Brien: You can be uncomfortable with it and still use it. Isn't that what guilt is all about?
Playboy: What comedy bits do you regret doing? O'Brien: We did one with a character called Randy the Pyloric Sphincter. Now, the point of the joke is that this is not the sphincter that excrement passes through. The pyloric sphincter is at the top of the digestive tract. It basically keeps acid from going up into the oesophagus.
We had a guy in a sphincter costume and a cowboy hat. He says, "Hi kids, I'm Randy the Pyloric Sphincter. No, not that bad sphincter! When food passes through me, it isn't digested yet." He then proceeds to squeeze foods that look like shit whether they're digested or not. Chocolate. Picture a sphincter exuding a huge chocolate bar. We were grossing people out.
Playboy: So why put Randy on the air? O'Brien: I just loved the fact that he wore a cowboy hat.
Playboy: What sorts of bits do you refuse to do? O'Brien: Arbitrary humor. "Here's the sketch: Conan jumps into a barrel of wheat germ." I'll ask him what the joke is. "It's crazy, that's all."
Look, I was a comedy writer. I've been through this before. If the joke is that there is no joke, the writer gets no paycheck.
Playboy: Jumping into wheat germ sounds like Letterman. O'Brien: My show began with me and everyone involved with the show doing all we could to avoid being anything like Letterman. Which is difficult. He invented a lot of the form. He carved out a big territory. He's the Viking who discovered America, and now I have my little piece of northwestern Canada that I'm trying to claim as my own.
Playboy: So how do you avoid being Dave-like? O'Brien: We have always scrupulously avoided found comedy. You never see me going up and talking to normal Joe on the street. The real word of people, dogs, cabbies -- Letterman is great at that. His genius, I think, is playing with the real world around him. Which is not my forte at all. My idea is more about creating a fake, cartoony world and playing with that.
Playboy: Are you goofy in real life? O'Brien: My private life is boring. I've been with the same woman, Lynn Kaplan, for four years, and there ain't nothing crazy going on. Lynn is a talent booker on our show. We go to my house in Connecticut on weekends. I sit around playing guitar.
Playboy: Gossip columnists have placed you in Manhattan with other women. O'Brien: One of them had me with Courteney Cox. Lisa Kudrow and I did improv together years ago and we went out for a while. Maybe that's why I can now be romantically linked to the entire cast of Friends. I may be thrilled with that, but my girlfriend is one of those people who believes everything they read in the tabloids. She's sitting at the table in Connecticut when she opens a tabloid and says, "What the hell?" There's a big photo of me with Courteney Cox. The story says, "Courteney's moving in with Conan."
Playboy: Did Lynn believe it? O'Brien: No, because the story went on to say, "Conan and Courteney were seen at the Fashion Cafe munching veggie burgers." That sentence ended her faith in tabloids. Lynn knows that I would never (a) go to the Fashion Cafe and (b) eat a veggie burger. I'm an Irish-Catholic kid from Boston; I'll eat red meat until my heart explodes out of my chest.
Playboy: Do you still drive an old Ford Taurus? O'Brien: When I got my five-year contract I moved up. Bought a Range Rover. Now I drive the Range Rover to Connecticut for the weekend, park it and tool around in the Taurus all weekend. I can't let go of that Taurus. It's an extension of my penis.
Playboy: Can you forget about the show on weekends? O'Brien: I drive around playing Jerry Reed tapes, fantasizing that I'm some backwoods character. But even then -- you know, it's probably not an accident that people who do these shows tend to be depressive. You want so badly for it to be right every night, but mounting an hour-long show four times a week -- the pace will kill you. One night I put my fist through a tile wall. Another night, I walked off the stage, pulled an air-conditioning unit out of the wall and kicked it. This stuff I can't explain. Nor can I excuse it. But there may be something maddening about these shows. The pace is... I forget shows we did last week. That's why I can't imagine doing this for 30 years. I bet you could show Johnny Carson footage of how he shrieked as his body was lowered into acid and he's say, "Hmm, don't remember that one."
I saw Jerry Seinfeld at the Emmy Awards. He said he liked the show, then he paused and said, "How do you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Do what you do every night for an hour?"
That shocked me. This is Jerry Seinfeld, the master. A man everyone can agree is funny. And I really have no answer.
Playboy: Praise from Seinfeld must cheer you up. O'Brien: (Shaking his head) I worry that we have hit our stride and must be headed for a fall. Because every show has an arc. The Honeymooners had an arc. People forget, but The Honeymooners was mean and depressing. Art Carney wasn't fun and cuddly yet. Even successful shows take time to find their rhythm. Then they get self-indulgent and fuck it up. Look at late Happy Days episodes. They quit shooting on location, Mork keeps visiting, and it's an excuse to spin off new shows.
Playboy: Will you fuck it up, too? O'Brien: Eventually my only consolation may be that I get paid a lot. I'll say, "I know it sucks, but I'm getting $65 million a year!"
Playboy: Letterman said almost exactly that not long ago. When a joke died he admitted it sucked. "But I'm making a fortune!" he said. Do you really worry about losing your edge? O'Brien: I want a living will for my career. I want the people around me to pull the plug when I become a self-parody, an old blowhard like Alan Brady. Remember him, the television star Rob Petrie worked for on the Dick Van Dyke Show? Pompous, over-the-top, over-the-hill. I don't want to be Alan Brady.
Playboy: Letterman paid you an odd compliment. "When I see that show it withers me with exhaustion," he said. O'Brien: That's our new slogan. "Watch Late Night -- We'll wither you." But I think Dave was saying that he knows how hard it is to make a show like this every night.
Playboy: Suppose Leno left The Tonight Show. Would you like to duel Dave at 11:30? O'Brien: Our best slot would be eight A.M.. We have puppets, cartoons, lots of childishness. I think I'm doing an OK late-night show but it's a great kids' show.
Playboy: This from Mr. Hip? O'Brien: No. When someone says this or that sort of comedy is hip and alternative -- "Yes, these are cool people" -- I hate that. Because at the end of the day, funny is funny. People get fooled about me because I went to Harvard. "He's cerebral." But I love Green Acres. I love how Green Acres bends reality.
Playboy: Sounds cerebral. O'Brien: It isn't. In one episode Oliver Douglas has to go to Washington, D.C. His wife says, "Darling, take a picture of the Eiffel Tower." He says, "Lisa, the Eiffel Tower ---" Then Eb comes in. "Mr. Douglas, git me an Eiffel Tower postcard!" Now Oliver is terribly frustrated. He keeps sputtering about Washington, D.C., but nobody listens. At the end, he goes to Washington, looks up, and there's the Eiffel Tower. That is the kind of thing that made me love T.V.
Playboy: As a TV-mad college kid you cooked up scams to meet celebs. O'Brien: I wanted to meet Bill Cosby, so my friends and I offered him some fake award. We took a bowling trophy and called it the Harvard Comedy Award, something like that, and Cosby, thinking it was the Hasty Pudding Award, accepted. So I drive out to meet his private plane. "Over here, Mr. Cosby!" And I chauffeur him in my dad's second hand station wagon. Cosby sits in the backseat, picking old McDonald's wrappers off the floor, and says, "This is about the Hasty Pudding Award?"
"Oh no, nothing like that."
Playboy: You tricked Bill Cosby into letting you drive him around? O'Brien: I didn't realize that one does not pick up a famous person in a 1976 station wagon. They like to fly first-class, to be picked up in a Town Car and put up in a nice hotel. Fortunately I am not directly involved in celebrity care anymore.
Playboy: Did you bring other comics to Harvard? O'Brien: Yes. John Candy's people warned me that John was on the Pritikin diet. They gave me strict dietary instructions. John immediately ran into a bakery on Harvard Square to get pastries. He said they were Pritikin eclairs.
Playboy: You once stole a famous television costume. O'Brien: When Burt Ward visited Harvard there were fliers all over the campus: Burt Ward to Appear With Original Robin Costume (Insured by Lloyd's of London for $500,000). In fact, Burt Ward was said to keep a bunch of them in his car; he'd pass them out to impress girls. Naturally, I wanted to screw with him. A few friends and I attended his speech at the science center. We went dressed as security guards. I said, "Mr. Ward, I've been sent by the dean to safe guard the costume." As if it were the Shroud of Turin. But the guy is humorless. "Yes, very good. That costume is very valuable," he says.
That's when we hit the lights. Which works great in the movies. In the movies the lights go out and suddenly the jewel is gone. In real life, though, what you get is some dimming. You hit the lights and people can see a little less well.
Playboy: Did you grab the costume? O'Brien: We grabbed it and the chase was on. Some Burt Ward admirers -- young Republicans, I guess -- took off after us yelling, "Stop them!" But we escaped in a waiting car. We proceeded to torment Burt Ward for hours on the phone, saying, "This is the Joker, hee-hee-hee. I've got your costume."
Playboy: How did Burt react? O'Brien: Robinlike. He said, "Return it or you will feel my wrath!" Playboy: Burt Ward used to tell reporters he had an IQ of 200. O'Brien: He may be delusional.
Playboy: Were you always starstruck? O'Brien: Stars are fascinating. When I was a writer for Saturday Night Live, Robert Wagner did the show. One day he was sitting offstage, talking on the phone. He had on a camel-hair jacket, silk scarf, and of course his perfectly arranged Robert Wagner hair. "Very good, goodbye," he says, and hangs up. Suddenly his hand shoots up and touches the right side of his head, where the phone receiver may have disturbed a few hairs. At that point you know he has done this smooth move every day since 1948.
Playboy: You seem to prefer goofy celebs -- Jack Lord, William Shatner, Robert Stack. There are photos of Stack and Adam West, TV's Batman, here in your office. Do those guys know you are making fun of them? O'Brien: I'm not. I have a real affection for those men. To me, meeting Andy Griffith is just as interesting as interviewing Allen Ginsberg. I'm interested in Martin Scorsese and Gore Vidal as well as Jaleel White, TV's Urkel.
Playboy: How do Gore Vidal and Urkel compare? O'Brien: I'd say Jaleel White's prose style is not taken as seriously. But the same is true of Vidal's nerd character.
Playboy: As one of the writers on The Simpsons you helped create some memorable characters. O'Brien: What I loved about The Simpsons was that it wasn't a cartoon for kids. A cartoon might look like the friendliest thing in the world, but we were subversive. I loved it when we had Lisa write a patriotic essay in school: "Our country has the strongest, best educational system in the world after Canada, Germany, France, Great Britain..." It was this great sugarcoated cutting remark. I loved her for it.
Playboy: Tell us a Simpsons sercret. O'Brien: When Dan Castellaneta started doing Homer's voice, he was doing Walter Matthau. Like I said, it takes time to find your rhythm.
Playboy: So are you satisfied with your work? O'Brien: Intellectually, yes. The show works. Advertisers like to buy time on it. Young people really like it. But I was a moody, driven, self-critical person before I got this show, and that hasn't changed. It's just that I now have something even more frightening than a Saturday Night Live sketch or a Bart Simpson joke to worry about. I have an hour of comedy broadcast every night. My anxiety has finally met its match.
Playboy: Will you and Lynn get married? O'Brien: The core idea of being a comic, particularly a comic with a talk show, is control. Marriage is a leap of faith, a giving up of control. I'm not sure if I can make that leap.
Playboy: What about kids? O'Brien: What sort of dad would I make? Maybe this job and a normal family life are diametrically opposed. Dave, Jay, Bill Maher, Arsenio -- where are your kids? Jack Paar seemed to have a normal life with a wife and child, but you don't see much of that. And I believe that your kid should be the most important thing in your life. I may not have room, at least not now. I have Pimpbot to think about.
Playboy: Another foul mouthed Late Night character. O'Brien: Half-robot, half-Seventies street pimp. He's got a feathered hat and a metallic voice: "Gotta run my bitches. Run my ho's. I'll cut you." Right now my life revolves around Pimpbot.
Playboy: You need to settle a fashion question. You, Leno and Letterman seldom wear suits off stage. Leno likes flannel shirts, Letterman prefers jeans and sweatshirts. You wear T-shirts. Why wear a suit and tie on the air? O'Brien: There are two schools of thought on that. The Steve Martin approach says that you're putting on a show, so dress up for the people. The George Carlin approach says all that old showbiz stuff is over, this is the new way, so wear a T-shirt. I choose a jacket and tie because that's the uniform people expect talk show hosts to wear. If I came out in a mesh T-shirt and chains it might distract people from the comedy.
Playboy: How would you describe your show? O'Brien: It's a hybrid. If Carson defined the talk show and Letterman was the anti-talk show, where do you go next? That was the question we faced. What we did was make a show that has the visual trappings of the classic Tonight Show -- the desk, the band, the sidekick -- but with everything else perverted. When it works well I'd say my show is one part Carson, one part Charlie Rose and one part Pee-Wee's Playhouse.
Playboy: Do you have any advice for future talk show hosts? O'Brien: You had better love the job. Some hosts don't. You can see it in their eyes. Chevy Chase's talk show -- he did not want to be there. And if that's in your eyes you're finished, because there's another show tomorrow and next week and the week after that. You can't conquer it. You can do two or three or ten good shows in a row and still want to punch a wall when you slip up.
Playboy: Can you ever conquer your repressed childhood? O'Brien: It's always there. I still believe in moral absolutes. Murder, for instance, is wrong, unless it helps the show.
Playboy: Still, talk show hosts have perks most guys can only dream of. O'Brien: It's great to be played over to the desk. You finish your monologue, then the band kicks in as you cross the set. Fortunately, we have a great band. Even when people didn't like anything about the show, they loved the Max Weinberg Seven. The music heightens everything. Now you are more than just a guy in a suit, you're Co-nan O'Bri-en! I think every guy should have that -- if a band played you over to your rental car at the airport, you'd have a cooler day.
Playboy: Is Andy Richter your Ed McMahon? O'Brien: He's Andy. When we were getting started and the network wasn't sure of me, they kept asking, "Who's that Andy guy?" I think we've answered the question. Part of the show's rhythm is my energy played against the quiet steadiness of Andy.
Playboy: Is that rhythm genuine? O'Brien: Yes. Our mentalities mesh. I'm always dissatisfied. He's the guy saying, "Hey, relax. It's good enough." My girlfriend would be happy if I had a bit more of that in me.
Playboy: Who is the guest you can't get? O'Brien: Werner Klemperer. He refuses to revive Colonel Klink, the commandant he played on Hogan's Heroes. Which confuses me. Is he going to come up with another character at this late date -- Werner Klemperer as the aging black man or kung fu fighter? No, he's Colonel Klink.
Playboy: You once said that as a boy you wanted to be like Bob Crane in Hogan's Heroes, the cool guy who "wore a bomber jacket and wised off to Nazis." O'Brien: I asked Werner Klemperer to do some bits as Colonel Klink. He refused. Then a strange thing happened. We're shooting abit on the West Side when Werner Klemperer comes around the corner. Pulling his parka up to his chin, just like Colonel Klink, he walks past our film crew and says, "Hello, Conan. I must say the show is very good lately. Give my best to Andy. Farewell!" It was a cameo appearance in reality. He was there, he was gone. I wanted to shout, "Hey, Werner Klemperer just did a walk-on in my life."
Playboy: Are you losing the boundaries between your life and your job? O'Brien: There are no boundaries. At any minute Werner Klemperer may step in here and give me 30 days in the cooler. It's getting surreal. Just this morning I am going through the lobby downstairs when two girls see me. One girl nudges the other, "Look, it's the guy from Conan O'Brien!" I guess she couldn't quite place me, but she knew which show I was on.
Copyright Playboy Magazine 1998

Hey there! Thanks for checking out my post.
I've been really in the mood for some fandom RPs lately, especially from DC. I'm mainly looking to play a male character(s) myself, opposite canon characters that you'd play. It's nothing toooo specific beyond that, the main details of the plot really depend on the characters, but here's a few things to know, really.
I'm open to most kinda plots and pairings, and I'm open to really any themes. I'm open to pretty much everything! Even if you have ideas that you think are more out there, feel free to suggest them to me, I'd probably be down for them!
Like I said, I'm happy to play most anyone as long as you play a canon character I'm looking for. I can play canons myself, or crossover characters, or OCs; it all works for me.
Now, let's get to the main gist of it, really: who I'm looking for. I'm looking for canon women from different fandoms, though my favorite is DC. I have a few other canons I like such as Marvel or a few other ones here and there, but DC is definitely the main one. Below, I'll put the list of some of the canon women I'm looking to play opposite with. If you can play any of these characters, I'd absolutely love it.
Under each 'category' of character, I'll also include some details about some possible plot points or pairings we could try. These are only some suggestions, of course; I'm more than down to brainstorm other ideas, but think of these as sort of inspirations to help start out!
Hey there! I've been looking for someone to play canon women, mainly from comics verses, but a few other things as well!
ANYWAY, here's the main gist of the post. The main canons I'm looking for. If you can play any of these, I'd love it. Feel free to message me whenever!
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SUPERHERO CANONS

DC: Cheshire / Jade Nguyen, Artemis Crock (Young Justice), Yara Flor, Lois Lane, Donna Troy, Wonder Woman, Talia al Ghul, Black Canary / Dinah Lance, Zatanna, Ravager / Rose Wilson, Huntress / Helena Bertinelli, Jessica Cruz / Green Lantern, Poison Ivy, Star Sapphire / Carol Ferris, Punchline / Alexis Kaye, Iris West, Lian Harper / Cheshire Cat, Supergirl / Kara Zor-El, Spoiler / Stephanie Brown, Catwoman / Selina Kyle, Batgirl / Barbara Gordon, Mia Dearden, Dove / Dawn Granger (Titans TV), Starfire / Koriand'r, Lilith Clay, Hawkgirl / Kendra Saunders, Lady Shiva, Mera, some of the Arrowverse girls (Sara Lance, Laurel Lance, Thea Queen, Dinah Drake, Mia Smoak, Iris West)
MARVEL: Elektra Natchios, Psylocke / Betsy Braddock, Jean Grey / Phoenix, Emma Frost, Rogue / Anna Marie, Kate Bishop / Hawkeye, Lorna Dane / Polaris, Susan Storm / Invisible Woman, Wanda Maximoff / Scarlett Witch, Black Widow / Natasha Romanoff, Carol Danvers (MCU), Sersi (MCU), Felicia Hardy / Black Cat, Gwen Stacy / Spider-Gwen,Mary Jane Watson, Hope van Dyne (MCU)
THE BOYS: Starlight / Annie January
BEN 10: Gwen Tennyson (specifically, the Alien Force version or older only!), Charmcaster, Ester
Possible ideas: As a general idea here, with heroines and villain types, it could always be fun to do a plot where they're defeated, if you're open to a darker sort of plot. Maybe they end up imprisoned after a heavy defeat to a villain or army, or they're stranded somewhere, like on an island or desert or unknown city. Something that takes them out of their usual setting, you know? In fact, for some of the higher status heroines, it could be fun to do plots where they're turned into sidekicks themselves, or transformed in some way that changes their status quo. Other than that, since most of these characters are well known in universe, I'd also love a plot where they meet a fan or someone who knows their work in universe, if that makes sense.
Going into the specific characters here, Cheshire is definitely my favorite. She's one of those ones that there's a lot of good options to pair her with; maybe one of the Titans, like a Nightwing or Wally West, or maybe someone like one of the Green Arrows could be good for a dynamic with her, especially since they're characters she has an interesting history with. With some of the more experienced heroines (like Wonder Woman, Black Canary, Donna Troy, etc.), I do think it'd be fun to have them in a sort of mentor type role, where perhaps they're helping out a younger hero type, be that one that exists within the DC Universe already (like a Tim Drake or Bart Allen for example), or a new original character. As for Talia al Ghul, perhaps after failing to persuade Batman for so long, it's time for her to look for a new type of bethrothed, so she sets out for a new target for the League of Assassins. Rose Wilson could be fun with the Arrows, be that Connor or Roy, since she has a comic history with them. But to be honest, the DC characters are super flexible, so as these are only suggestions, we can fully brainstorm something up, I don't mind at all.
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VIDEO GAME CANONS

OVERWATCH: Ashe or Kiriko
FINAL FANTASY 7: Tifa Lockhart, Aerith Gainsborough, Jessie Rasberry
RED DEAD REDEMPTION: Sadie Adler, Abigail Roberts, Mary-Beth Gaskill
STARDEW VALLEY: Abigail, Emily, Haley, Leah, Penny, Robin, Jodi, Sandy, Caroline
MISC: Lara Croft (Tomb Raider), Ellie Williams (TLOU2)
Possible ideas: For the FF7 canons, I'm thinking some kind of new resident or visitor of the slums would make for an interesting dynamic to pair them off of. Someone who's new, possibly oblivious to Avalanche and their activities. He could slowly discover what the girls are up to, and either turn against them or works with them. Or perhaps, it takes a more casual turn, someone visiting the bar, needing a room or place to stay sort of vibe and meeting the likes of Tifa or Jessie. With the RDR girls, a new member of the gang under their tutelage or that befriends them could be interesting, perhaps leading towards a direction where they run off together, or kind of face the frontier together. Lara and Ellie can have similar plot scenarios I'd like to think, with one of them being in an apocalypse setting obviously. Getting captured or coming up against some kind of tribe or faction or some such, someone who's targeting them for one reason or another.
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MISC CANONS

STAR WARS: Rey or Leia
GAME OF THRONES: Daenerys Targaryen, Cersei Lannister, Margaery Tyrell, Melisandre
DISNEY: Teddy Duncan (Good Luck, Charlie), Alex Russo (Wizards of Waverly Place), Sharpay Evans or Gabriella Montez (High School Musical), Colette (Ratatouille)
MISC: Daphne Blake (Scooby-Doo), Carly Shay (iCarly), Azula or Suki (Avatar), Betty Cooper (Riverdale), Yennefer of Vengerberg (The Witcher show)
Possible ideas: With Rey and Leia, I really like the idea of plots taking place in their respective desert settings: Jakku or Tattooine. Something showing the sort of survival aspects of living in a harsh reality like this, how they have to fight for credits or food, living with all the foes around and the heat, that sort of thing. It could either go a darker route, or show kind of their daily life living in a setting like that, their social dynamics with whatever characters are around in those settings; The merchants, the bounty hunters, the traders, etc. You could do a similar thing with Daenerys too, if we wanna set her plot in Essos, though with the GOT girls, I think a sort of war / political plot would be fun, showing the aftermath of either their victory or defeat.
The other girls listed in this section I can be pretty flexible with. A slice of life type scenario would fit in with most of them, though a sort of mystery / detective type plot would be fun to set up with Daphne or Betty. If we do go the slice of life direction, maybe have it set when they're slightly older, showing how they're going through college or their early careers post their canons.
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CELEBRITIES

Margot Robbie, Megan Fox, Gemma Chan, Madison Beer, Anne Hathaway, Anya Chalotra, Victoria Pedretti, Jessica Chastain, Emeraude Taubia, Jenna Dewan, Candice Patton, Sydney Sweeney, Alice Eve, Caity Lotz, Kim Kardashian, Kylie Jenner, Olivia Wilde, Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, Taylor Swift, Dua Lipa, Conor Leslie, Minka Kelly, Alejandra Guilmant, Kennedy Walsh, Olivia Rodrigo, Hailey Bieber, Doja Cat, Hailee Steinfeld, Dakota Johnson, Corinna Kopf, Florence Pugh, Lili Reinhart, Ariana Grande, Scarlett Johansson, Bridget Mendler, Madelyn Cline, Sabrina Carpenter, Anya Taylor-Joy
Possible ideas: This is probably the most flexible selection here, there's a whole host of plots we can do. An encounter with a fan is the most obvious one I can think of, or them exploring a new type of concert or movie role. Perhaps they've taken on a photoshoot of some kind, but it's different because it's a peculiar type of shoot, or they're hired by someone with a bit of a complex reputation. Or something I think would be super fun, is if the celebrity is kind of made to do something publicly that they're not too fond of, either for a PR campaign or as part of marketing for a movie or album or something. Perhaps a PR relationship, or they're made to act or behave a certain way to change how the world perceives them. I could also see a plot where the celebrity is made to be a prize of some competition or event, like one where my character wins a date or something with the celebrity. I also think it'd be fun to maybe try something where the celebrity's PR is at an all time low or they're cancelled or something, and then proceeding to explore the aftermath of that. These are just a few ideas, tbh, let me know if any of them intrigue you. To be honest, with these ones, it's probably the one that needs the most brainstorming, tbh.
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But yeah, that's the gist of it. I'm mainly just looking for the characters above, so I'm pretty flexible on the plot or pairings; that's something we can discuss ourselves. I'm sure we can create an interesting and unique plot and dynamic between our characters, something we'd both enjoy!
Let me know if you wanna set something up! My messages are always open.
My preferred place to write is Discord.

Anyone else watch Dual Process Theory's video about solving the lore and completely blown away by it? I was. CC IS Cassidy AND the 5th missing child!? MICHAEL is the vengeful spirit!?!?! Holy sh*t! Who would've thought? Except for one part. Midnight Motorist. I agree with the general idea, I just want to expand upon it. So here it is.
Back story
Cassidy was bitten by Fredbear, went into a coma and was in hospital for months. Fredbear’s shut down, due to bad publicity stemming from the bite. Eventually going out of business and was turned into a bar (Jr’s).

Night of Charlie’s death
William entered Jr’s during the day, got drunk and stayed there till the evening. As the sun set, it began to rain. Later in the evening he progressively got more drunk, became aggressive towards the staff and customers, caused a scene, and got kicked out by security. Full of rage he drove off. In this moment he is so unbelievably angry, almost causing accidents on the road. Everything in his life is turning to sh*t. He drove past Freddy’s and noticed a child locked outside in the rain. He pulled up next to the child and realized it was Henry’s daughter Charlie. To keep things short, he got out, murdered her, left her body next to the trash and sped away. Why? He was a drunk mourning father who had recently lost his wife and son. He was also a psychotic a*hole who would’ve been jealous of his business partners child being alive and healthy.

Later That Night
William sped back home on the freeway. Narratively he wouldn’t have checked out the dirt pile or gone back to the bar before going home. They are just there to give context. He went straight home. He entered his home to find his father (a bald, half deaf old man) sitting on the couch watching TV. He said to William, “Leave him alone, he has had a rough day.” William didn’t listen to the old man (what would he know?), stormed down the hallway, and shouted at Michaels door, “OPEN THE DOOR!” There was no answer.
He went outside to the back window of Michael’s room to find it broken with footsteps leading away from it. There also appeared to be a pair of animatronic footprints standing outside of the window. William didn’t notice them, focusing on his sons, “He’s gone to that place again. He’ll be sorry when he gets back.” Michael had run off to the pile of dirt in the woods not far from the house. He had previously discovered this to be the gravesite of his own mother, Mrs. Afton. It is presumed William murdered her, for whatever reason, and buried her there. Michael may have stumbled upon it accidentally one day and become traumatized. He told his father only to be gaslit about the whole situation. Unbeknownst to Michael, his father was his mother’s murderer.

Flashback, after William murdered Charlie, he would revisit Freddy's the following morning after her death. Staff had notified him of what had happened, the fact that security Puppet was found on top of the body, malfunctioned from the rain. He found this a bit odd. During the coming days he noticed the Puppet acting strange. He realized that it had become possessed by Charlie's soul. This realization stuck with him, it almost seemed to worry him. An idea began to form in his head, one he couldn't shake. Wanting to "put his son back together," he abducted him from the hospital while he was in a coma and stuffed him inside the Fredbear suit, hoping his soul would possess Fredbear. The idea that the Puppet became possessed after coming into contact with Charlie's lifeless body, it only made sense that if Cassidy died inside Fredbear, he would HAVE to possess it. The springlocks went off, instantly killing him. William having no idea how the possession worked, realized what he had done and panicked. He scooped Cassidy’s mangled body out of Fredbear and buried him in the woods next to his mother. Little did William know it had worked. Well, sort of. Cassidy possessed Fredbear, but because his body was removed from the suit, he was unable to animate Fredbear, only being able to appear in locations like a ghost.

Fast forward to later that night, Fredbear appeared outside of Michaels window, “It's me,” he said, while disappearing and reappearing further away, as if wanting to be followed. Frightened and confused, yet intrigued, he didn’t want his grandfather to see him leaving the house, so he smashed his window and escaped. His grandfather on the couch completely oblivious, barely able to hear the TV. He followed Fredbear to the gravesite. It appeared to be larger than before? Unsure of why he was brought there, “Its me,” repeated Fredbear for the third time. Michael putting two and two together, uncovered his little brother’s lifeless body, right next to their mother’s.

He was sure sorry once he got back.

Welcome to the Michael Porter Truther free agency preview for summer 2024.
There are 219 players who have options or contracts ending this summer. Given all indications from Booth/Malone/Kroenke, Denver is unlikely to make any large trades to their main rotation this summer, meaning we will mostly be looking for players on the margins. Vet minimums, forgotten players, ect to touch up the edge of the rotation. Even if we do something along the lines of trading Reggie and Zeke at the draft before KCP resigns, we will still be in this position. The following is under that assumption.
Here are the Nuggets free agents:

1. Caldwell-Pope, Kentavious (Player Option)- Hopefully we re-sign but likely will decline his option and hit FA
2. Jackson, Reggie (player option, likely opt in) - Trade Salary filler
3. Gillespie, Collin (Two-Way) - Played over Pickett all of last year and is the same age, so I have to assume CG is the main guy we want to keep out of the 2-way guys
4. Holiday, Justin- may look for a Jeff Green type contract after a decent playoff run. Why make 2 mil instead of 5-8?
5. Huff, Jay (Two-Way)
6. Jordan, DeAndre - May retire
7. Key, Braxton (Two-Way)
8. Cancar, Vlatko (team option) - Cheap and likely Denver will pick up that team option

How will we fill in any roster spots left by these guys? Let's look at the remaining 211 guys on the market.
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First, here are the players that I believe are clearly not options for us.
These are

• Young players hitting RFA where their team wants to keep them (Vukcevic/Emoni Bates)
• Players with a player option that is larger than what Denver could offer, leading to them opting in with their current teams (Richaun Holmes/Kevin Love)
• Players in demand who will get large contract offers that we can't come close to touching (Lebron/PG)
• Players with team options that will get exercised due to their great play on their current cheap deal (Alvarado/Mo Wagner)
• Players where outside circumstances make a move very unlikely (Thanasis/Morris Brothers).

NO SHOT OF SIGNING

1. Achiuwa, Precious
2. Anderson, Kyle
3. Antetokounmpo, Thanasis
4. Barlow, Dominick
5. Bates, Emoni (Two-Way)
6. Batum, Nicolas
7. Beasley, Malik
8. Bey, Saddiq
9. Bridges, Miles
10. Claxton, Nic
11. DeRozan, DeMar
12. Edwards, Kessler
13. Fontecchio, Simone
14. Harden, James
15. Harris, Tobias
16. Hartenstein, Isaiah
17. Hield, Buddy
18. Jones Jr., Derrick
19. Jones, Tyus
20. Marshall, Naji
21. Maxey, Tyrese
22. Melton, De’Anthony
23. Monk, Malik
24. Morris Sr., Marcus
25. Morris, Markieff
26. O’Neale, Royce
27. Okoro, Isaac
28. Quickley, Immanuel
29. Siakam, Pascal
30. Thompson, Klay
31. Toppin, Obi
32. Trent Jr., Gary
33. Valanciunas, Jonas
34. Watford, Trendon
35. Alvarado, Jose
36. Brown, Bruce (RIP)
37. Hauser, Sam
38. Joe, Isaiah
39. Kennard, Luke
40. Mathews, Garrison
41. Vukcevic, Tristan
42. Wagner, Moritz
43. Wiggins, Aaron
44. Anunoby, OG
45. Ball, Lonzo
46. Bates-Diop, Keita
47. Brissett, Oshae
48. Bryant, Thomas
49. Craig, Torrey
50. Eubanks, Drew
51. George, Paul
52. Gordon, Eric
53. Hayes, Jaxson
54. Holmes, Richaun
55. James, LeBron
56. Lee, Damion
57. Love, Kevin
58. Martin, Caleb
59. Okogie, Josh
60. Payton II, Gary
61. Reddish, Cam
62. Richardson, Josh
63. Russell, D’Angelo
64. Smith, Jalen
65. Tucker, P.J.
66. Watanabe, Yuta
67. Westbrook, Russell
68. Wood, Christian
69. Beverley, Patrick
70. Mobley, Isaiah (Two-Way)
71. Oubre Jr., Kelly
72. Slawson, Jalen (Two-Way)
73. Williams, Patrick
74. Wiseman, James
75. Ingles, Joe
76. Christie, Max
77. Juzang, Johnny (Two-Way)
78. Windler, Dylan (Two-Way)
79. Wong, Isaiah (Two-Way)
80. Mays, Skylar (Two-Way)

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Next, we look at the Old, the Bad, and the Ugly. These are guys that we shouldn't target as they aren't good enough.

• Guys that should not be playing over the young guys we have at their position (Thad Young over PWAT won't happen, same Malachi Flynn over Gillespie)
• Extremely washed vets on their last legs (Patty Mills is still alive?? Isaiah Thomas is still alive??)
• Fringe NBA guys that don't play minutes on bad teams (Kira Lewis Jr, Usman Garuba, ect)
• Young and unproven guys who have spent most of their time in the G-league (Jules Bernard, Keyontae Johnson)

THE OLD, THE BAD, THE UGLY:

1. Azubuike, Udoka (Two-Way)
2. Badji, Ibou (Two-Way)
3. Bailey, Amari (Two-Way)
4. Bernard, Jules (Two-Way)
5. Biyombo, Bismack
6. Boston Jr., Brandon
7. Brown III, Greg (Two-Way)
8. Brown Jr., Charlie (Two-Way)
9. Brown, Moses
10. Cain, Jamal (Two-Way)
11. Castleton, Colin (Two-Way)
12. Davison, JD (Two-Way)
13. Diabate, Moussa (Two-Way)
14. Drell, Henri (Two-Way)
15. Flynn, Malachi
16. Ford, Jordan (Two-Way)
17. Forrest, Trent
18. Gallinari, Danilo
19. Garuba, Usman
20. Gill, Anthony
21. Gilyard, Jacob (Two-Way)
22. Green, Javonte
23. Johnson, Keon (Two-Way)
24. Jones, Damian
25. Krejci, Vit (Two-Way)
26. Lee, Saben (Two-Way)
27. Lewis Jr., Kira
28. Lundy, Seth (Two-Way)
29. Marjanovic, Boban
30. Matthews, Wesley
31. McLaughlin, Jordan
32. Mills, Patty
33. Milton, Shake
34. Minaya, Justin (Two-Way)
35. Moon, Xavier (Two-Way)
36. Mykhailiuk, Svi
37. Nance, Pete (Two-Way)
38. Nix, Daishen (Two-Way)
39. Nwora, Jordan
40. Osman, Cedi
41. Peterson, Drew (Two-Way)
42. Potter, Micah (Two-Way)
43. Queen, Trevelin (Two-Way)
44. Quinones, Lester
45. Rhoden, Jared (Two-Way)
46. Robinson, Jerome (Two-Way)
47. Samuels Jr., Jermaine (Two-Way)
48. Sanogo, Adama (Two-Way)
49. Sarr, Olivier (Two-Way)
50. Schofield, Admiral (Two-Way)
51. Seabron, Dereon (Two-Way)
52. Smith, Terquavion (Two-Way)
53. Swider, Cole (Two-Way)
54. Temple, Garrett
55. Thomas, Isaiah
56. Toppin, Jacob (Two-Way)
57. Tshiebwe, Oscar (Two-Way)
58. Wainright, Ish (Two-Way)
59. Warren, T.J.
60. Washington Jr., Duane (Two-Way)
61. Washington Jr., TyTy (Two-Way)
62. Williams, Alondes (Two-Way)
63. Williams, Brandon (Two-Way)
64. Williams, Malik
65. Williams, Nate (Two-Way)
66. Young, Thaddeus
67. Dowtin Jr., Jeff
68. Jeffries, DaQuan
69. Jones, Kai
70. Queta, Neemias
71. Sims, Jericho
72. Thor, JT
73. Umude, Stanley
74. Bertans, Davis
75. Bamba, Mo
76. Gibson, Taj
77. Giles III, Harry (Two-Way)
78. Hagans, Ashton (Two-Way)
79. Harris, Kevon (Two-Way)
80. Hinton, Nate (Two-Way)
81. Johnson, James
82. Johnson, Keyontae (Two-Way)
83. McGee, JaVale
84. Muscala, Mike
85. Zeller, Cody
86. Metu, Chimezie
87. Tate, Jae’Sean

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Now we get into the actual meat and potatoes of Free Agency. Here are the "OK" options. If you're on this list it means maybe you could squeeze out a MLE somewhere and not be available, maybe the fit isn't great, but maybe they can play a role off the bench and work for us for regular season depth or be an 7th- 8th man in the playoffs.
THE MAYBE LIST

1. Bullock Jr., Reggie - Was a solid role player in Dallas for ages before getting exiled to Houston. Didn't play much behind their glut of youth but could be a Justin Holiday type player for us off the bench with higher upside as a shooter.
2. Burks, Alec - NYK might want him back after he played great on the Hospital Knicks team in the playoffs, but the old trade throw in showed he can still shoot, ball handle, and most importantly draw fouls at an NBA level even against playoff competition.
3. Covington, Robert - He's only here because he may be washed, but even 70% of Old ROCO would be a revelation for Denver. Can legitimately guard 1-5, shoots 34-38% from 3, passes well. A connecting player for any bench lineup and running Mike/AG/ROCO as the frontcourt for non-Jokic minutes would overwhelm most teams with length.
4. Crowder, Jae - The bucks might keep him after giving up 1000 second round picks for him, but the old dreadhead can still shoot well from each corner and play strong/physical defense. Could be a solid 3/4 to play with the AG at centeMPJ at PF bench lineups.
5. Dinwiddie, Spencer - I've never been high on Dinwiddie (Dinshittie???) but he is an NBA level PG who can space the floor, ball handle, draw fouls. I think he looks way better using his size against bench units that typically cannot defend a big guard like him successfully. If we give Jamal B2Bs off then he'd be fine. Might be available at the min after a terrible run with LA this season. What better way to rebuild your value than play with Jokic and shoot a bunch of open 3s?
6. Dunn, Kris - Unbelievably underrated player. He'd be a top choice if it wasn't likely Utah (or someone else) throws a bag of money at him. If he slips through the cracks, our bench PG problem is solved for a year. Great POA defense, ballhandling. Up to 36.5% from deep this last year. Would be in the playoff rotation for sure.
7. Garza, Luka - Unsure he's available at a min, but he's looked serviceable as a backup big when KAT was out with various injuries the last few years. Anytime Reid goes into the starting lineup and Garza mans the bench, he can be an offensive force. Could keep our heads above water in non-jokic minutes.
8. Hayward, Gordon - Injury prone, completely non factor in the playoffs for OKC. Both have tanked his demand... still might demand some money given he's a former borderline all star. But another guy who could slip through the cracks given the new CBA scaring a lot of teams away from any contracts. Would be a nice secondary ballhandler, scorer, veteran presence for the bench. I think a young team will overpay to have him mentor their guys though.
9. Highsmith, Haywood - I don't love signing ex-miami role players because they generally win by trying harder than everyone else. But he shot 40% from 3 this season, defends well, and is a Rich Man's Justin Holiday replacement. Started 20 games this season for a Heat team riddled with injuries and looked solid in most of them. Don't think he's going to be available but I didn't think Bruce Brown would be available for the MLE two summers ago.
10. Horton-Tucker, Talen - The Jazz became infinitely better as soon as they benched THT for Dunn, not a huge fan of his game. That said, he can playmake, score, and defend better than Reggie Jackson. Turnover prone and not a playoff Rotation guy imo, but if the FO is really not loving Gillespie or Pickett, he could do in a pinch until the deadline/buyout market. Good potential, maybe just needs better team culture? Or it could just be low BBIQ.
11. Kornet, Luke -Solid bench big who can shoot, rebound and give Jokic a breather. Boston likely can't afford anything because of their contract situation exploding next year and he is an "unsexy" pick for backup big relative to Drummond. Would be a great get but we might get priced out of him if some team offers 2/17 or something of that nature.
12. Lowry, Kyle - The old train is still chugging. Would be a great bench PG, philly had him closing lineups in the playoffs. Defends, shoots, playmakes, flops at a high level. Old man could organize the young guns on the bench as well. Don't think he slips through the cracks and philly might well keep him, but I'd like to see us scoop him if possible.
13. Martin, KJ - Freak athlete, very solid defender. Got forgotten on the edge of philly's bench but would be a good CB replacement if KCP leaves and we have a CB sized hole in the bench. Pure energy, would work well with a bench that loves to get out and run in transition.
14. McDermott, Doug - Great shooter, terrible defender. Would be a regular season pickup but could space the floor well for CB and PWAT to attack the paint, and the other bench players could likely cover for his defensive weakness. Decent fit and will likely be available. Not a playoff rotation player though.
15. Okeke, Chuma - Lost in the Magic's glut of young wings, Chuma was a solid defender on a young magic team, and used to start a solid amount of games for them. Unfortunately his shooting fell off a cliff in minimal minutes last year. Was a near lottery pick for a reason, and Orlando just happened to get two stars that play his position. A shoot the moon type signing, unlikely to crack the playoff rotation but could refresh the youth on the team if we pull some trade that involves Strawther, Watson, Tyson, ect.
16. Payne, Cameron - Basically Reggie Jackson at this point. Only sign if we trade away reggie and CG and Pickett are terrible in Summer league. Solid shooter for the bench but thats it.
17. Prince, Taurean - Great corner shooter, plays good defense. Rich man's Justin Holiday. Think someone throws money at him after all the games he started for LAL this year but you never know.
18. Samanic, Luka- 6'11, can move well, allegedly used to be able to shoot but shot 20% from 3 this year (EUGH). Hit 33% in the G league and has been a solid rebounder since Euroleague. Spurs got him in the first years ago for the upside that just hasn't materialized. A last resort backup big, but a big body that can move and score 20 PPG in the G-league feels like maybe Jay Huff Eastern Euro edition.
19. Stevens, Lamar - Big, strong, went to Penn State which is always a plus for Booth. Very solid defender, the main thing keeping him from being an NBA commodity is an inability to crack 32% from 3. If he could get 30-32% again like he was in 2022-2023, it would be serviceable enough for someone with his defense and he'd be Pwat/Holiday insurance as an 8th man in the playoffs. Probably available for a min after ending up on the Memphis scrap heap this year.
20. Thompson, Tristan - Pros: would supply the guys with steroids. Imagine Mike with dwight howard shoulders? He'd be a post scorer in no time. Tristan at this point is mainly a big body and a guy who could fit in the DAJ role but be a little more mobile and playable during the season.
21. Banton, Dalano - Imagine a G-league quality, tanking team Lebron James. Watching him tank command the end of season blazers was something else, but he did hit 36% of his 3s, score 18 ppg, rebound and pass well for the last 20 games of the season. Wouldn't hate to pick up Jamal's countryman, but Portland is likely going to pick up the team option unless they explode their roster (very possible given Brogdon is still blocking Scoot and Ayton looked alive for the end of the season. who knows what they do).
22. Robinson-Earl, Jeremiah - Former 5 star villanova recruit, Solid rotation big for OKC for years. Ended up in New Orleans riding the Pellies bench behind Zion/Ingram/Nance/Valanciunas. If they don't pick up his team option (They are going to be making big moves this summer to move Ingram and maybe CJ Mccollum), JRE could be a cap casualty. Always a solid shooter, having a 6'8 guy who can hit 34% from 3s, rebound with strength, guard bigs is a nice piece. Would be a solid stand in for Vlatko if the FO decides to move on from our favorite Slovenian.
23. Waters III, Lindy- Knockdown shooter who has never really gotten a fair look in OKC. One of their infinite draft picks stuck on the bench behind their young core. If they don't pick up his team option and look for upgrades, he'd be an interesting guy to give some run and see what he can do. Shot 44% from deep two different seasons in college, born in Boulder, 6'7 in shoes. Would be excited to see him as bench SG if CB moves into the starting lineup.

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If you're still here, Congrats. You have made it to the good stuff. This is the list of guys I would be happy to have added to the Nuggets, and have a decent-high chance of being available for the right price.
THE CREAM OF THE CROP

1. Bitadze, Goga - I am Googoo for Goga puffs. Hopefully no one noticed, but while WCJ was out for a lot of the early season, Goga filled in seamlessly for the Magic. Accumulates tons of blocks, Offensive boards, able to finish around the rim with ease. Just keep him from shooting 3s. The best hooper from Georgia might be available on a cheap deal this summer as Orlando will prioritize outside shooting over size and WCJ/Mo Wagner appear to have locked up the 1/2 spots at center. Would love to see Goga in Denver, he could be a playoff caliber backup big from everything I've seen.
2. Drummond, Andre - The rebound king is a UFA. Many have mentioned him here, but Drummond always fills in well on any team as a backup big despite his shooting woes due to his control of the glass and defensive capabilities. His weakness has always been he is a legend in his mind, and thus tries things he has no business attempting. Head scratching euro-steps, behind the back transition dribbles out of bounds, contested floaters off the shot clock? All on the table. If Malone can bully him into playing a role, he would be a great pickup. The premier backup big available this summer.
3. Duke Jr., David (Two-Way) - The Klan chief is more of a depth pickup, but the all 1st team G-league player in 2023 has improved his outside shooting to 37% and maintains his slashing and defensive capabilities he showcased at Providence. Another guy that would be more of a depth/Two way pickup if we have to package some young guys to get off the zeke+Reggie contracts, but Duke has grown every year and looks like he could peak as a 6'5 3+D guard with bench lineups. Seems like a great long term investment if San Antonio uses their two way spots on this years picks.
4. Fultz, Markelle - Another odd man out in Orlando, Fultz still can't shoot 3s after his phantom shoulder issues... but has become a solid defender and midrange scorer as well as a fantastic POA defender off the bench. Always a playmaker, he could unlock Watson and Braun as a distributor as well as turn the switching bench defense into an iron curtain. Orlando has committed to Cole Anthony long term, loves Suggs, and just drafted Anthony Black. No one needs 4 PGs. If Fultz falls to the Nuggets, bench spacing would be an issue, but we would have an identity of defense and running in transition. Not sure who else is going to bid up for his services.
5. Goodwin, Jordan (Two-Way) - Goodwin first came onto my radar while watching him in DC as their backup guard in 22-23. He was an energy monster, getting steal after steal as a POA defender and diving all over the court. A poor man's Caruso/Kris Dunn, he is in the low 30s from 3 but is a willing passer and extremely strong defender. One of the better guard rebounders around, he was averaging 8(!!!) boards a game once he started getting minutes in Memphis end of season, which would be a huge help to the undersized bench unit. The only reason he isn't still in DC is Beal knew him from St Louis and demanded Goody be traded to Phoenix with him. Phx was signing a bunch of veterans to try to compete (lol) and Goodwin was a roster cut. Would be a great time to pick him up once Memphis makes some cuts as their 100 injuries this year heal. "We have Alex Caruso at home" type of player but I would love to see the havoc he could wreak at altitude.
6. Harris, Gary - Come home Gary. After getting 24 minutes per game in Orlando's rotation this past year, Gary might not be in high demand as his 3pt efficiency tumbled from 43% down to 37%. Injuries, as always, remain an issue, but Gary wouldn't be available for cheap if he was always healthy. As Orlando is one of the few teams with cap space focused on the big names this summer, they might not re-sign the UFA if they throw a bag of cash at PG/Klay/ect. They also drafted two guards last summer and likely want to see what the young guns can do.
7. Holiday, Aaron - Why not get another Holiday brother? The youngest Holiday managed to sneak into Houston's rotation this year, shooting 39% from deep and 92% from the line. The sharpshooting guard is solid on defense and would likely be an expensive bench piece or starter if God had made him 6'4 instead of 6'0. While undersized, Aaron would be a perfect second unit ballhandler and spacer, opening up the court for Denver's young wings to attack the rim.
8. Jackson, Quenton (Two-Way)- Athletic Freak. More of a depth pickup if we have to package Strawther or Watson to get off the Nnaji contract. A massive 6'5 PG with 40+ inches of bounce, Jackson flies around the court throwing dimes and outpacing teams. Would thrive at altitude and be a great distributor for all the young shooters Denver has drafted. Just don't ask him to take jumpshots. Would become the second best dunker after AG the moment he stepped in the building though.
9. Len, Alex - Massive body, great rebounder, has been running his ass off in Sacramento for two years backing up Sabonis. Don't think many teams are vying for his services and he would be a body to take some strain off Jokic against bad teams and in blowouts. Perfect vet min backup big.
10. Mamukelashvili, Sandro - Sandro Character Limit would be one of my top 3 picks on this list but he is an RFA and the spurs look like they might want to keep him and match any other offers. Big Mamu is a 6'11 tank that shoots 33% from deep for his career and battles for boards like his life depends on it. Would be a great 4/5 for depth if SA decides to spend some of their cap this summer to build around Wemby and still avoid luxury tax.
11. Morris, Monte - Needs no explanation. Come home. After being tossed around the league the last two years, Monte could likely be had for a vet min.
12. Plumlee, Mason - Mason is a known commodity in Denver, always able to run well, pass well, and rim protect. As long as he's not on the perimeter at the end of games (KMS), Money Mase would be a solid backup center to give Jokic some more time chilling on the bench. I imagine
13. Saric, Dario - Currently finishing a one year deal with GSW, Super Dario would bring great passing, size and shooting off the bench. A 37% 3 point shooter with slick passing and playoff experience from Philly and Phoenix, Dario would be an offensive weapon off the bench surrounded by athletic wings. Would really elevate what we could do offensively given he can space for the young wings and distribute the ball well from the mid and low post. One of my 3 top big men signing possibilities for us.
14. Smith Jr., Dennis - Athletic Freak and ball of energy, DSJ has had a resurgence since leaving Dallas and Detroit. A career 30% 3 point shooter, DSJ is best used as a penetrate and kick energy weapon off the bench. After having his most efficient season ever (low bar to be fair), he is looking like a solid playmaker and court general for bench units. He can be had for cheap and would be a clear upgrade over Reggie at Backup PG. Also he hates Dallas, and goes 110% against them every game. Given how the West looks right now, that could come in handy.
15. Theis, Daniel - Another Clippers backup big, Thies anchored the German defense that won the FIBA World Cup last summer. He shoots 35% from 3, is switchable on defense at a mobile 6'8 250, and would be another solid backup big signing for the Nuggets. Played in 40+ playoff games with Boston and was a rotation player in all of them, so he's prepared and experienced in the Postseason.
16. Tillman, Xavier - The ex-Grizzly filled in admirably last postseason after Brandon Clarke and Steven Adams both got season ending injuries in the final month of the season. He had a 22-13 game against AD to win the Grizzlies a playoff game (what backup big on Denver is capable of this??) and has been a solid bench big his entire career. Boston traded for him at the break for KP insurance and it wouldn't be a terrible idea to pick up Tillman on a minimum as a 2nd/3rd string big. Mobile at 6'8 250, he would be a solid fit with our "Guard and Run" style bench.
17. Walker IV, Lonnie- Lonnie won the Lakers a playoff game over Golden State just last year and everyone forgot because they hit the Denver buzzsaw next round. On a 1 year minimum in Brooklyn, Lonnie put together a solid season off the bench. 38% from 3, decent defense, explosive athleticism, Lonnie could be a ballhandler and spacer on the second unit.
18. Wright, Delon - I have loved Delon's game for years. He is perpetually undervalued. Massive guard with great POA defense and decent shooting, he can slot into any lineup Denver runs. He can bring the ball up, shoot reliably, and playmake without turning the ball over. Defending the other teams best guard in almost every stop he's been at, the 6'5 PG has been one of the top guards in the NBA at steals rates at every stop. At 35% from 3, delon also can't be left alone on the perimeter and would slot into the backup point guard spot with ease. The only issue is injuries, but he wouldn't be searching for vet min deals if he was healthy all the time. He got his last big contract with DC two years ago, and I think he could be had on a 1 year deal if he slips through the cracks. Top 3 option for me.
19. Fournier, Evan -Don't Google was a sharpshooter and scorer with value at every stop in the NBA before a disastrous stint in his second season in New York. After being a 40% 3 point shooter with decent defense scoring 15-20 a game, Fournier got buried on the bench in New York behind Josh Hart and Quentin Grimes and never resurfaced. He got exiled to Detroit in the middle of last year and played terribly. Every time the French national team plays, Fournier shows himself to be a quality player, so Olympic success this summer could sink hopes of getting him for cheap. If not though... a solid scorer and reliable volume shooter off the bench is just what Denver needs.
20. Green, Jeff - The return of Uncle Jeff is very possible if Houston doesn't pick up his 8 Million team option this summer. Not sure about their long term plans but if they extend Jalen Green and Sengun this summer, Uncle Jeff could be on his way out of Houston. Why not return to the only place he's won out of his myriad stops?

If you're counting, there's one FA left unaccounted for. This guy has the same upside as Wemby and there will be a feeding frenzy for his services this summer as the potential best player in the league, so he gets his own category.

1. Bol Bol - Lol. Lmao even.

Thanks for reading! Leave any comments, questions, and concerns below.

I hated being alone. I don’t mean on my own, you can be on your own but not alone if you have a good enough distraction. A good book or film or a hobby that keeps your mind busy can make you feel like you’re not alone. Being alone, at least for me, meant being unoccupied in my mind. I had taken up a few tinkering hobbies to help in this, joinery making cabinets and spice racks or a bird house, anything to help keep my mind busy really. When my mind was left unoccupied it allowed them to visit.
I don’t want to say I was a psychic that’s a bit too cliche but I was more of a conduit for them. They were spirits but they didn’t come to give me a message or anything like that, but I did provide a service for them. Through me they could essentially live again. When you pass you gain things that you didn’t have in life such as foresight, this is how messages can be passed on from the spirit world. You also lose senses like touch, smell and taste. That’s what I provided for them. They didn’t posses me I was in full control of my body and my senses and anything I wasn’t comfortable doing I could refuse. Some of them were ok with this a little disappointed perhaps but ultimately ok with my decision. Others weren’t as nice and could (and some did) inflict illnesses upon me, usually flu like symptoms that passed after a day or two.
The first time it happened weirded me out. I was in my 20s and just bought a motorbike. It was a sunny spring morning and so donned in my leathers and helmet I hit the country roads and headed to a coastal town in the north of England. I walked along the seafront just taking in the sights and the sounds when I had an urge to smell the sea air. just stand there and take lungful after lungful of the salty air. Then when I noticed him. He was a tall man in a bespoke suit wearing wire thin spectacles and a type of bowler hat. He was sitting on a bench just staring at me. He looked not out of place but out of time, like I’d been transported back 100 years. The strangest thing was I knew him, even though I had never seen him before in my life, I knew everything about him. I knew his name, address, how old he was, where he worked and how he died. “Interesting gift” he said to me a look of puzzlement on his face. I sat down next to him “that I can see you?” I asked him “I thought many people had that gift.” He smiled at me, it was a warm and friendly smile “you don’t know do you?” He was a very well spoken man and you could tell he was educated. From what I remember he worked in financing, a banker or insurance. It’s funny, in the moment there isn’t a detail I don’t know, but afterwards it’s like trying to peer through a dirty window on a foggy street. You get bits and pieces but you almost have to guess at other parts. “You’re a conduit” he said in a matter of fact tone. “The bloody hells one of them” I asked trying not to sound rude. He let out a small laugh “I’ve seen people here over my years some glance and are gone others sit and talk, commune if you will, these are the psychics. They ask things and pass on messages ect. Then there’s you, you are a window for me back into your world. When you took those breaths of air I could smell it, taste it, almost as if I were you for a second. You act as a conduit for me to access those senses again.” I sat trying to process what he was saying. “Would you do me favour?” He asked his polite manner almost made him seem embarrassed to ask. “If I can” I replied trying to sound cheery but also concerned, not too sure what I was letting myself in for. “Do you think we could get an ice cream? I’ve not had one in such a long time.” I let out an audible laugh before realising I was to everyone else talking and laughing to myself. After that realisation I quickly said yes and began to walk towards the ice cream parlour. The thing about ghosts and using you as a ‘conduit’ is they don’t get full! Eight ice creams later and I was not feeling the best. After all the flavours he tried, his favourite was plain old Jane vanilla which for some reason amused me. After leaving him back at the bench where we’d met, I headed back to my bike, and after throwing up I headed home.
The spirits didn’t seek me out for this ‘gift’ of mine but if they were in my general vicinity they did kind of home in on me. I was visiting a popular toy store one day (the one with the giraffe mascot) when I noticed a little girl sitting on a wall out the front kicking her black patent leather shoes off the wall. She stopped dead and looked straight at me “hey mister! Mister!” She began to shout almost scream at me. To put this child in a category it would be firmly in the brat category! Think Veruca Salt from Charlie and the chocolate factory. She was rich and she was entitled a dangerous combination at the best of times. She came from a household that was staffed, from a time when staff were little more than slaves. “How may I be of service?” I asked in an almost mocking tone “you’re one of them aren’t you?” She said it in a way that was almost accusing, derogative even, like I should be ashamed of my gift. This little girl stood before me. She was the prettiest little girl you ever saw her blonde curly hair was tied up with bows in pigtails and she had on a red and black almost tartan designed dress, but don’t let that fool you for a second, the devil himself resided within that little girl! “Go in there and I want you to play with the dream house and the car and all the Barbie dolls you can find!” It was almost comical to see her face pouted with her hands on hips. I was waiting for the foot tap to complete the look but that part she missed off. “Yeah, sorry that ain’t happening.” I walked past her she began to scream as she followed me around the store my very own little bratty shopper “I want to play! Now play!!” Forgetting who I was talking to and where I was talking to them, I turned. I’m not proud to say I chastised the little ghost girl but that’s what happened “I am a grown ass man!! If you think for one second that I am going to sit and play with a god damn Barbie doll then you are very much mistaken! You may have owned a lot when you were alive but you are not my boss and I do not and will not take orders from a bratty little child! Now I suggest you use the time you have to learn some bloody manners, apologise and then maybe I will consider helping you in some way but if I sit down in a shop and play with dolls I’ll be locked up and signing a register before they even close the shop so NO I WILL NOT PLAY WITH A BLOODY DOLL!” I had to cut that shopping trip short and boy did she make me pay. I was holed up in bed for a week with a mysterious flu and no amount of countertop drugs came close to even touching it. I later noticed a pattern which made me feel a little bad about my outburst. I wouldn’t say I was completely bombarded by spirits but I had a fair few. What I picked up on was when someone passed naturally they were a lot more mild mannered and polite but if they were cut short and hadn’t fulfilled their lives they were bitter and obnoxious and just mean. Maybe it wasn’t her fault she acted the way she did.
Years had gone by since my first encounter with the man on the coast and I had learnt how to live with my ‘gift.’ Then I was visited by an elderly lady that broke me. I believe her name was Edith or Enid it was short and started with an E. She was one of the only ones that visited me at my home. I was washing the pots and looked out of the kitchen window and she was just sat there on the bench at the bottom of my garden. She was wearing a purple flowery sundress and holding a white handkerchief. I could sense her watching me. I slowly dried my hands reached for my cup of tea on the side made my excuse to my wife and headed out with my drink to get some air after an amazing dinner. Sitting down on the bench the old lady began “I’m very sorry to intrude on such a personal time and you can tell me no I’ll understand.” I sat listening as the lady explained what she wanted from me. It was a simple request and I didn’t think it would affect me as dramatically as it did. “I want a hug.” That was it “I want a hug.” I sat drinking my tea “I miss my grandkids and want to feel a child’s embrace once more. I understand it’s a very personal moment the love shared between parent and child and I will understand but please if I could just feel it once again you would make an old lady very happy.” She sat with a sombre smile on her face as she fiddled with her handkerchief. It took me longer than I thought it would to answer, after all it’s just a hug right? But she was right that was my hug with my son was I being selfish not wanting to share that? Then I thought about my grandma and how I was at the other side of the country when she passed. I would have given everything I had to have one last hug off her. With that in mind I agreed. She sat with us while we played. I bathed him and rubbed him down with the warmest fluffiest towel we owned while she sat smiling and watching. We played games getting dressed tickling and laughing. Then before he settled down for the night I dropped down to my knees and invited him in for a cuddle the feeling of warmth flooded me as I squeezed him into my chest. In that moment I never wanted to let him go. I wanted to stop time and stay in that warm embrace forever. The old lady thanked me as she left. The strangest feeling came over me not dread or anything like that but a horrible feeling all the same. I excused myself from the room, told my wife I felt a little off and I was getting a shower to clear my head. As the warm water hit me I collapsed into a ball sobbing as a feeling of great loss took over my body. It’s hard to explain I didn’t know what, I just knew I’d lost something or someone and it hurt, it made me feel sick as I lay in the shower heaving great heavy sobs. I ached and longed for something and nothing. Things were quiet after that night. I didn’t have any visitations for months. Just as I was beginning to feel like that awful feeling I’d had was maybe my gift coming to an end or worse being passed on to my son through some sort of cuddle transference, I met Him.
For the first time since discovering my gift, I knew nothing about spirit before me. I knew he wasn’t from our ‘world’ but unlike all the other spirits that’s all I knew. There was no name, no history. Nothing. To say he was an Adonis of a man is an understatement. His height and build would intimidate the very best of us. His skin was bronzed to perfection and there was not a blemish anywhere to be seen. His eyes were hard to gauge, looking straight at him they appeared a kind of greyish but as he moved the colour changed through blues and greens as if they were iridescent in colour. He was definitely out of place in my garage. “Mr smith I’ve heard many things about you.” He began as he walked around my garage heading towards me “do I know you?” I asked not sure if the meeting was a pleasant one or going to turn out bad on my end. “People are referring to you as the conduit” he continued ignoring my question “I’d like to show you something if you’d permit me. It’s not something everyone gets to see but I feel you could be beneficial .” I took my time to answer running the words over in my head trying to figure out if there was a pitfall I was about to stumble into. The situation was so hard to read, the air was totally neutral, no panic or fear but also no love or compassion. Just two men and their words. Words that seemed to fall from the air as soon as they were spoken. “What would you like to show me?” I asked even though I had tried to put something into my voice curiosity at the very least my words sounded flat and dull. “It’s not so much a what as a where if you’d please follow me.” Without speaking I just slowly nodded my head.
I don’t remember the journey I just remember arriving at what appeared to be a generic sort of diner in the middle of nowhere. There was a cream wall with a red brick pattern surrounding the building and a weird fog that just kind of hung in the air. We walked into the building and the feeling was sort of melancholic, sad but a happy sad. The decor reminded me of the type of roadside diners you’d see in the American movies, beige and cream with red chequered design around the walls a jukebox playing 50s rock n roll in the corner. Booths on the outside table and chairs filling the centre of the room, a long Island bar ran around the service area acting as more seating and table space. The place was filled with people meeting loved ones and talking over a cup of tea or coffee. People always came in but I never saw anyone leave there just always seemed to a seat for them and some loved one waiting. I got the impression that this was some kind of meeting point, or a waiting room of sorts. We sat down in a corner booth and I just observed the people coming in and being reunited with friends and family. After a while the man spoke “you have a truly wonderful gift you know. You can bring joy and comfort to people that have forgotten or don’t realise they’re missing it. We do try to make things familiar but we can’t replicate what we don’t remember, but you, you can make that hot chocolate taste just like grandma used to make it. You can give that comfort and joy. It wouldn’t be permanent just visit now and then.” I looked around again, that melancholic feeling I felt when I first walked in had lifted slightly and a warmth had started coming through. I decided to visit a few times a week to help what I believed to be people passing over. The man wasn’t always there but when he was he would sit with me and we would talk. I don’t remember much of our chats but one stuck out, one I did remember, and it made me feel like there was a hidden agenda to my needs in the diner.
“Do you know what every civilisation has in common?” The man looked up from his coffee as he asked the question “what every civilisation that has ever existed have all done? What they have all created?” I took a sip of my coffee and thought about the question “war?” I responded causing him to laugh “war! That’s a good one and technically yes but no that’s not what I’m thinking of. No every civilisation that has ever existed has created religion, a God, a deity, someone or something to point at and thank or curse depending on how things are going. Over time civilisations have come and gone their Gods have changed and they too have come and gone but every civilisation always finds a religious relief. There’s going to be changes happening and as in the past a new God, a new deity will be formed. And as also happened in the past this new deity, this new God will be challenged, will be fought against, but their word must prevail.” I sat in my chair not sure how to respond “why are you telling me this? I am no messenger, no messiah. I’m a middle aged man from the north of England if I start claiming to be the second coming of Christ they’ll lock me up!” The man looked back at me his smile was different. It looked friendly enough but underneath it had a new meaning. “We’re not asking you to be a messiah, this is just a chat. You’ve already played your part in what’s to come. Mr smith a friendly word of advice, people who go against the grain often find themselves wandering the field.” I looked at him confused “I’m not sure what that’s supposed to mean but I’ll take your word for it.” His smile faltered slightly as he leaned in “come for a walk with me. I’d like to show you something else.” We left the diner and headed out into the street. The light seemed darker and the mist a little thicker. We followed the cream and red wall around the outside of the diner. There were several plastic crates stacked up in a corner. He walked over and grabbed two placing them at the base of the wall “have a look” he said gesturing to the second crate. Gingerly I stepped up and peered over the wall. A feeling of dread washed over me as the landscape revealed itself. A large field stretched out in every direction trees and shrubs were dotted about. I could make out the silhouettes of people walking around lost and scared, but there was something else. Something unseen lurked in the shadows, used the trees and shrubs as cover as it waited to strike. I couldn’t see anything but as with the spirits I knew it was there watching, waiting. After seeing all I could stomach I stepped down from the crate feeling shaken and confused like I’d actually been one of the poor souls in the field. “I trust you’ll do what’s right mr smith, when the time comes.”
I tried to avoid going after that but I somehow got dragged back in. I would have spirits come and take me even when I told them no. It was no longer my choice. I was now theirs and they wanted me all the time. One day while I was sat watching and drinking my coffee as I always did, I noticed an old man sat watching me. He wasn’t very tall but the thing that stood out the most was his crazy hair. After some time of us looking at each other and nodding hello and awkwardly smiling I couldn’t help but notice he didn’t have a visitor. I left my corner booth and made my way over to him. He was a very pleasant man and a very intelligent man we talked for some time about everything and anything. Before I left he asked me if I liked coming here still, I explained what had happened on my previous visit. “My boy” he said “if you don’t want to come then don’t. All you have to do is tune out.” “What do you mean tune out?” I asked “think of your head like a radio it picks up frequencies and plays them. If you don’t like what’s playing on the radio you change the frequency. So I f you don’t like what’s playing my boy, just change the frequency.” “And how do I do that?” “For that you must find the dial but alas I cannot show that to you for I do not know where it is. Another technique you could try is cancelling out the white noise. Have you ever been so busy that the whole world passes you by and you don’t even notice it? Occupy the mind and you distract the senses!” So that’s what I did for the next however many years, I worked, I got hobbies, I cooked, I created things in my garage, anything to occupy my mind. Then today I was sitting in my garden finishing off the last few coats of paint on the go kart I had made for my grandson. When I heard his cheery voice coming round the corner. “Hey gramps” he shouted over as he made his way down the side of the house towards me. I stood up to look at him and wave. Seeing he was alone in shouted over “who were you talking with Peter?” He started laughing and looked up to his side shaking his head “he’s silly isn’t he?” He said to no one “it’s your friend Enid silly!” My blood ran cold as the realisation set in as to what the man meant ‘I’d already played my part’ he meant my bloodline.

TW: Suicide themes
It all started the day we found Charlie’s sister in the barn.
Erica had returned to our little town from the city to celebrate her 27th birthday. She was sporting a nose ring and had choppy black hair. She had brought her boyfriend Blake with her, with his long black hair and dark wayfarers. Charlie and I were 14 at the time and thought they looked like rock stars.
Their parents had arranged a party on the grounds of their property. Charlie and I had our first taste of alcohol that night and coughed our guts up when Erica and Blake let us take drags of their cigarettes.
“I love you, Chaz,” said Erica, her arms around Charlie and me. “You too, Glen. Promise me you boys will do whatever makes you happy.”
We had no idea it was her way of saying goodbye.
The next day, there was confusion in the house when Erica and Blake were nowhere to be seen. They’d spent the night in her old bedroom. I’d spent the night on Charlie’s bedroom floor.
“Did you see your sister leave?” asked his mom. We hadn’t. She wasn’t answering her cell either.
Later that day, Charlie and I went to the barn to look for Erica. When we opened the doors, we saw her lying in the arms of Blake on a bed of straw. We put it down to too much vodka.
“We found them,” yelled Charlie. “Wake up, sleepy heads!” As we got closer, we saw an empty bottle of vodka, along with a small empty pot for high-strength sleeping pills, the kind for prescription only.
“Erica,” said Charlie, shaking his sister. She was out cold. “Glen, she’s not breathing!”
Blake started to stir like he was in pain.
“Mr and Mrs Morgan!!” I screamed, running out of the barn.
Erica and Blake were rushed to the hospital. As feared, Erica was dead at the scene. Blake had his stomach pumped and was put in a ward to recover.
“She wanted this,” he managed through god knows what other drugs they had put him on.
“What the fuck do you mean,” said Erica’s dad, grabbing Blake by the front of his smock. He had to be escorted out in tears along with his wife. I sat with Charlie until my parents could come pick me up. We just stared at Blake, this guy who we had thought was so cool, pale with greasy black hair plastered to his face.
“She got in, dudes,” he said.
“”What did she get in?” said Charlie, close to tears. “My sister is dead.”
“But she’s with them now.” He looked up. “Morrison, Joplin, Hendrix…”
“Who are you talking about?” I said.
“Only the greatest to ever live. The 27 Club.” He stepped out of bed, wincing, pulling out the tubes in his arms. I still remember the trickles of blood running down his wrists.
“What the hell is The 27 Club?”
“Strictly members only,” he said. “No admittance to anyone even a day before or after turning 27. I turned two weeks ago, and we were saving it to go together. Forever 27 with the legends.”
He walked to the window. “Say, what floor are we on?”
I shrugged. “Sixth I think.”
He looked out and turned with a grin. “I bet she’s up there partying with Cobain as we speak.” He opened the window,
“Blake,“ said Charlie. “I think you should get back in bed.
“Forever 27 boys,” he said. “See you in a few years.”
He leapt from the window, making Charlie and I cry out in unison. We heard a gruesome thud as he hit something hard. When I braved a peek, he was face down on the roof of an ambulance.
After the events, Charlie became obsessed with “The 27 Club”. When we turned 16, he wanted to form a suicide pact. We would wait until we both turned 27, then end it together.
“These people meant nothing to you,” I said. “When did you ever talk about The Doors, or Jimi Handrix? And everyone has those fucking Nirvana T-Shirts. it means nothing!”
“It’s not just that, Glen,” he said. “It’s honoring my sister. You loved Erica too.”
“I did, but she had problems, Charlie. It’s not even a real club. It’s not a conspiracy. It’s not some amazing club where they’re all living it up in paradise. They're unfortunate coincidences. Plenty of other cool people have died at 26, or 28.”
Before I could react he pulled out a pen knife and sliced open my right palm. I screamed.
“Jesus, what the fuck Charlie!”
He did the same to himself, barely reacted to the pain, then gripped my hand in his.
“Forever 27. We’re bound by blood now, my brother.”
“You’re fucking crazy,” I said, leaving his house. My hand kept slipping on the handle bar of my bike until I got home to patch myself up.
Some years passed, and I’d kept my distance from Charlie. I started college and got a new circle of friends. I remember July 23rd 2011 like it was yesterday. I was 21. Even before Charlie texted me, I knew he would as soon as I heard the news.
Amy Winehouse is dead. She was 27.
The scar on my right palm began to ache. I wasn’t going to contribute to crazy, so I ignored him. I met with my girlfriend Lori and our group of friends for a night out. Of course, Winehouse was the topic of the evening. She had managed to become a cultural phenomenon in such a short amount of time, and her death was genuinely hard hitting. And what better way to celebrate the life of a tortured soul than by keeping the drinks flowing and partaking in the coke our friend Shane had scored.
“Are you guys familiar with the concept of the 27 club?” asked Lori. I swallowed my whisky and cleared my throat.
“Yeah, that’s an exclusive group of celebrities who croaked it at 27, right?” said Shane.
“Exactly,” she said. “Anyone who’s anyone is part of that club.” She held up a glass. “To Amy, and the 27 club!”
“Here here,” said Shane. “May she forever shoot up with my idol, Kurt Cobain, in that big club in the sky.”
“That’s a bit insensitive,” I said. “She literally died hours ago. Have some respect.”
“I’m respecting, buddy,” he said. “This is all for her.”
“Are you OK, Glen,” said Lori. My palm was burning. I ran a finger over the scar and held it up to them.
“I never told you how I got this,” I said. “My childhood best friend, Charlie. His sister killed herself when she was 27. Her boyfriend, too.”
“Shit,” said Shane.
“Charlie did this to me when we were 16. He cut my hand and made us blood brothers. He wanted me to make a suicide pact, that we would end it at 27.”
“Glen, I had no idea,” said Lori.
“I pushed it away,” I said. “I cut all ties with him. But he texted me today, funnily enough, on the day the 27 club gets a new member.”
“I feel awful,” said Shane. “If I’d known, I wouldn't have…”
“Look, it’s fine,” I said. “I’m all for celebrating life or death. I guess I’m just being sensitive. It kind of all came back.”
A few more years passed. Lori and I were married and had a baby boy, Jack. We lived in a house not a million miles away from where I grew up.
One week, I was feeling particularly agitated, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I realized what it was when I spoke to my mom on the phone.
“Will you be seeing Charlie for his birthday?” she asked. “I know you boys don’t see each other as much as you used to, but you were inseparable once upon a time. I hear it’s the big two-seven. He could probably use the support, what with… well, you know.”
“I’ll message him,” I said before saying goodbye. I didn’t want to be a prick, so I kept it polite.
Hey Charlie, I wish you a happy birthday. Maybe we can meet for a drink sometime soon. I’m only like two hours away from our old town. Love, Glen.
About an hour later, I got a notification.
Glen, my brother. Thank you for the birthday wishes. I hear you have a little one of your own now. Me too! Little Joseph. I would love to meet for a drink sometime. You stay in touch. Love, your friend Charlie.
What was most surprising about it was that he didn’t mention his age at all. There was no “I’m 27 now, and you know what that means…” Years of guilt hit me like a sledgehammer to the teeth. I had neglected who was once my most important friend due to an admittedly messed up experience, but clearly one he could have used more support with. I had abandoned him. The scar on my hand burned as if to remind me of the wrong I’d done to him.
A few days later, I reached out again. I suggested we meet at one of our old haunts, but he invited me to his home on account of watching his son. He was still based in our old town and had a nice but modest house.
“Courtesy of the ‘rents,” he said. Charlie’s parents had done rather well for themselves and owned several properties around town. “I’d like you to meet someone.”
There was a basket perched on a wooden frame, and out he pulled a baby wrapped in a blanket. His little eyes were half open.
“This is Joseph. Say hello to your uncle Glen.” He handed Joseph to me, who I awkwardly cradled in my arms until I found the right position.
“He’s the spit of you, Charlie,” I said, looking down at his cute little face. He reached up and grabbed my nose with his sharp baby nails. “Forgot how much that stings,” I said. “Jack is currently enjoying his terrible twos. He’s a bit of a handful for Lori and myself at times.”
“Come sit down,” he said. “How is the old ball and chain?”
I laughed. “She’s actually perfect. I can’t recall a single disagreement we had, other than what to name Jack. She wanted to name him Donald after her grandfather. That wasn’t going to happen.” He laughed. “Where’s your better half, anyway? I don’t think we ever met.”
He looked down. “Suzie. She’s no longer with us. It’s just little Joey and me.”
“Charlie, I’m so sorry.”
“It wasn’t long after his birth. She just didn’t wake up one morning.” He smiled. “We disagreed about his name, too. I wanted to name him Joseph after Joseph Merrick, more commonly known as “The Elephant Man”. He was the first official member of the 27 club.”
I took in a deep breath as I felt unease set in. “Charlie, you can’t still be obsessed with that club.”
He reached over and took Joseph from me. “Did you hear Anton Yelchin is also a member now? Don’t try and tell me it’s not real.”
“Okay, I’m gonna leave you to it,” I said. “Charlie, promise me you’ll look after yourself and Joseph. You know where I am if you need any help.”
“Appreciated,” he said, laying Joseph down in the basket. “Say, isn’t your birthday coming up soon?”
I gulped. “Yeah, in a few weeks. Lori and I are having a weekend in the Hamptons.” I lied.
“Ah, good for you,” he said. “I hope the weather holds out for you.” He held out his hand palm side up, clearly showing me the scar we shared. “Put it there, brother.”
I firmly yet quickly shook his hand and made my way out of his house.
“He’s still not right,” I said to Lori later that evening. “It’s been over 10 years and he’s still obsessed with that fucking club.”
“Try to be more sensitive, Glen. He lost his sister, and now his wife too. As well as raising a baby on his own. The poor guy is probably so lost right now.”
“I’m trying, Lori. But that little reminder of my birthday didn’t sit right with me. It was like ‘remember what that means’. The thing is, it means nothing to me. I didn't agree to a damn thing! I didn’t ask for this scar!”
She kissed the top of my head. “I’m putting Jack to bed, then taking a bath. Why don’t you listen to one of your podcasts? Take your mind off things.”
“Good idea, honey,” I said. “But not before the tickle monster attacks!” I grabbed Jack and blew raspberries on his belly, which sent him into fits of giggles.
“Okay, that’s enough excitement for one day,” said Lori.
“Give me a hug,” I said to Jack. “Goodnight buddy.”
“Night daddy,” he said, then disappeared upstairs with Lori.
I put in my earbuds and started listening to the latest "How Bizarre" podcast. I was content for all of ten minutes when I started thinking about Charlie.
I opened Google and typed in Charlie Morgan, followed by our hometown. One of the first results was from a local newspaper. The headline was something like “[Redacted] man becomes single father after sudden tragedy.” It mentioned his wife Suzie had passed away from breathing complications during sleep. My heart skipped a beat when I read she was 27 at the time of death. I then started to groan as my scar burned as if freshly cut.
I knew in my heart Charlie was responsible for Suzie’s death. I was turning 27 in just over two weeks. I called my mom.
“You sound agitated, sweetheart,” she said. “What’s the matter?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about Charlie’s wife?”
“I did! I mentioned how he’s had a rough go of it in life, but you didn’t seem to be interested. Too occupied with childish rivalries or whatever you call it.”
I felt terrible. “I’m sorry, mother. Did you attend the funeral?”
“I did. Don’t worry, I mentioned how busy you were and you would have been there if you could.”
“Mom, do you think there’s any chance Charlie knows where we live?”
“Would that be a bad thing? You were best friends, after all.”
“Can you just answer me, please?”
“Yes, he knows where you live. Was I not supposed to tell him during his crisis? Should I have read your mind?”
“No, no. I’m sorry, mom. I’m not mad. Look, Lori and I are thinking of going to the Hamptons for my birthday weekend. Would you be able to have Jack?”
“You mean I get to spend the whole weekend with my little Jackie boo?”
That was a 100% yes. When Lori came downstairs after her bath, I grabbed her. She let out a little yelp.
“You haven’t made plans for my birthday, have you?”
“No, not yet. I was thinking of having everyone over for a BBQ, bouncy castle for the kids, bucking bronco for the big kids.”
“How about we get away, just the two of us. Go to the Hamptons and rent a romantic cottage on the beach.”
“How bourgeois,” she chuckled. “Should we rent a garish Lamborghini too?”
I laughed. “If you want? My folks have already said they’ll have Jack for the weekend.”
My birthday came around on a Friday. That morning, Lori drove Jack to my parents’ while I finished packing our weekend bags. Lori has already specifically picked out some fancy dresses to show off to the “douchebags who summer in the Hamptons”. I think she was looking forward to seeing how the other half lived, and making snide remarks behind their backs. I was also in charge of collecting our neon green Lamborghini, which got the whole neighborhood snooping as I pulled it into our driveway.
After an hour or so, Lori hadn’t returned. I just assumed mom and dad were chewing her ears off, so I gave her a call. It went straight to voicemail. so I called my mom instead.
“Is Lori still with you?” I asked. “We kinda need to get on the road.”
“No, sweetheart. We haven’t seen Lori yet.”
My heart dropped. “She left over an hour ago.”
“Oh, my. Maybe she stopped for gas or something.”
“For an hour?”
“Don’t snap at me, Glen. There could be traffic. I’m sure she’s fine.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry. I’ll keep trying her cell. Please let me know when she gets to you.”
My stomach was in knots as I hung up and tried Lori’s cell again. Three hours of calls and texts later, nothing. I kept checking local traffic news to see if there was congestion, or god forbid an accident.
“Mom, I’m so worried,” I said, calling her back. “Do you think I should call the police?”
“Oh sweetheart, I don’t think they’d do anything after a few hours. Stay positive.”
My mind kept going to Charlie. It was my 27th birthday, after all. I dialled his cell.
“Glen,” he answered. “Happy Birthday, my brother,” I could hear the rumblings of an engine in the background.
“Is this a bad time?” I asked. “Are you driving?”
“Oh no, it’s the perfect time. I’m not driving. But hold on, I’ll just put you on to the driver.”
After a few seconds, I heard her.
“Glen, we’re okay. We’re driving to…”
It was Lori, but she was cut off short. “Okay, that’s enough.”
“What the fuck have you done, Charlie,” I spat down the phone. “You bring my family back now!”
“Do you know how kind your wife is?” he said. “She saw me on the side of the road and stopped to give me a ride. Such a sweetie. She told me all about your little birthday getaway and, well, I had to insist on being there myself. I couldn’t miss your 27th after all.”
My stomach was in knots. “Please Charlie. Please bring them back to me.”
“I think you should come here,” he said. “We'll be at the cottage in around 3 hours or so. I heard you have some wheels of your own. Sounds like you’ll be travelling in style.”
“Charlie,” I pleaded. “I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for your sister. I’m sorry for abandoning you. Please, just come back to me. Let’s talk about it man to man.”
“You’ll either be there, or not. But if not, I’ve got another little friend who would love to make acquaintances with Lori and Jack.” I heard a click.
“He has a gun, Glen,” said Lori.
“I’m coming. Just don’t hurt them, Charlie. Please. I’m coming.”
“Good. Oh, and no police and all that shit of course. You know how it goes. See you later, brother.”
He hung up. I inhaled a sharp breath and screamed into the house. The first thing I did was collect the handgun we kept on the top shelf of our bedroom closet. Then I went downstairs and spotted a handmade birthday card from Jack on the kitchen counter, with a cupcake next to it. You could see Lori’s influence in the words as she had guided his little hand with a paintbrush.
Happy Birthday to the best daddy in the world
I fought back the tears, shoved the delicious cupcake into my mouth, and got into that ugly assed Lamborghini, putting my foot down and raising my middle finger at the neighborhood watch who shook their fists at me.
It took me 4 hours to reach the cottage in the Hamptons we’d rented on Airbnb. I put the gun down the front of my pants and walked inside, my heart ready to explode. I was greeted by the smell of rich tomato sauce. Lori was sitting at a dining chair, her hands strapped to the sides with thick twine. Charlie was standing over the cooker, stirring a saucepan. I could see a playpen with Jack sitting up playing with toys, and baby Joseph was lying on his back, waving his arms around.
“I’m here,” I said, making my presence known. Lori went from looking terrified to mild relief.
“Oh, I heard that god-awful car pull up,” said Charlie. “Half the neighborhood probably did. You’re just in time. I made pasta.”
“Thanks and all, but I’m not hungry.” I went straight over to Lori. “Are you hurt?”
She shook her head. “No, honey. I’m fine. Jack’s fine, too.”
I kissed her and went over to the playpen. Jack giggled when he saw me, holding up a plastic dinosaur. Joseph clung on to a plush toy of a blue dog.
“Don’t they look so cute together?” said Charlie. “Brothers from a different mother, just like us.”
I pulled the gun from my pants and turned to face Charlie. “You’re not the Charlie I called my best friend for years. You need help. This obsession has gone on long enough. Tell me, did you kill your wife?”
“What?” said Lori from the table.
Charlie grinned. “I forget how clever you are. You were always the brains, helping me with homework and stupid math tests that mean absolutely nothing.”
“I loved you, Charlie. But this is too much. So I’m taking my wife, and I’m taking my son. I think under the circumstances we’ll be taking Joseph, too. I sincerely hope you get the help you need so one day he can have a relationship with his dad.”
I walked over to Lori, but she yelled out “Wait!”
Charlie started to laugh. “Did you think it would be that easy? Just look inside her blouse.”
I peeked inside and saw an electronic device strapped to her chest. It had a numerical display that was counting down. There were 46 minutes remaining.
“If she moves from that spot before the timer runs out, a shot of adrenalin will be pumped into her heart. We’re talking about an insane amount of adrenaline. Enough to knock out an elephant. She simply won’t make it.”
“What do you want from me?” I yelled.
He walked towards me and took the gun from my hand, putting it on the table. Then he held up his scarred palm and held it against mine. That burning sensation came back.
“I want us to share a bottle, then live up to our pact.”
“But I didn’t make the pact!” I screamed. “You forced it on me.”
“Come on, Glen. We owe this to my sister and to Blake. To Basquiat, Winehouse, Morrison, Cobain, Joplin. To all those legends.”
“You’re insane,” I said, pushing him against the wall.
“Careful. All it takes is one little click, and Lori’s heart goes boom! And little Jack and Joey will be left orphans.”
“You’re actually going to take your own life with your baby boy right there?”
He nodded. “I’ve been committed to this since I was 14 years old. If you do exactly what I say, Lori lives. She can take Jack and Joey and be the hero of the story. Now, I checked your birth certificate. You were born at 21:19, which is when you’ll officially turn 27. Lori’s heart device will become useless at 21:30, at which point she can wriggle out of those ropes and get out of here. But not before we’ve taken a special concoction I’ve made to honor my sister.”
My legs went weak, and I had to sit down on the floor. “You actually want me to end my life with you?”
“Forever 27, Glen. You’ll thank me when we’re living it up.”
“Don’t do it, honey,” said Lori.
“Yeah, that’s not an option,” said Charlie. “You see, if he refuses, I’ll put a bullet in his head. Then I’ll watch as your heart explodes.”
I started to cry. I felt so weak, so powerless. But I think the worst thing of all was that Charlie was my friend. We’d been estranged for years, but he was my friend.
“May I kiss my wife?” I asked.
“Of course, I’m not a monster.”
I stood up and walked over to Lori, gently hugging her. I could feel the metallic device against my chest as I kissed her.
“Don’t do this,” she said, tears streaming.
“I love you, Lori. Look after our boy.”
I went over to the playpen and picked up Jack, who looked so oblivious to everything.
“Dadda,” he said, gently patting my face.
“I love you, Jack,” I said, kissing his cheek. He wiped his cheek like it was the most disgusting thing he’d experienced. “Look after mamma.”
I reached down and stroked little Joseph’s face. “I wish things could have been different for you, little one.”
“Alright, we get it,” said Charlie. “Outside, now.”
Despite the disturbing situation I found myself in, the night was beautiful. A dinner table had been set up on the deck behind the cottage. There was a bottle of whiskey and two glasses. The moon was low, the temperature mild, the sounds of the ocean gentle. It was supposed to be me and Lori, enjoying a meal and maybe a spot of love making on the dunes like we were teenagers again.
“Sit down,” he said. “I’ve waited weeks for this. I almost did it without you, but my scar burned like a motherfucker. Do you ever get that?”
I shrugged as I sat down.
“Yeah, you do. It’s because we’re connected.”
He poured two whiskeys and pushed one towards me. I didn’t hesitate, downing it in one go, shuddering a little at the afterburn.
“That’s good shit,” I said.
“It’s gotta be the best,” he said. “It’s a 10 year old single malt.”
I pushed out my glass for another, which he obliged.
“Suppose I’d better catch up.” He downed it and checked his watch. “21:15. Now’s as good a time as any.”
He pulled out a glass vial from his pocket containing a clear liquid. “This is a highly concentrated mix of Zaleplon, Valium, Klonopin, and ethanol.” He opened it and poured half into my glass, and the other half into his. “The beauty is we’ll probably be asleep before any of the nasty side effects take hold.”
I took a deep breath and downed some whiskey straight from the bottle.
“Gimme that,” he said and did the same. He then pulled out his gun and placed it on the table. I could feel tears streaming down my face.
“You were my brother, Charlie,” I said. “How could you do this to me?”
“Because I love you,” he said. “You and I, forever 27. I can’t think of anything more beautiful than that.”
He looked at his watch again and beamed. “21:19. It’s officially your birthday, Glen. Welcome to 27! Oh, how I’ve waited for this.”
“Please, Charlie. Think of Jack. Think of Joseph. He needs his daddy.”
He picked up the gun. “Drink it.”
I picked up the glass and swirled the clear mixture around. The smell was like pure alcohol. Then I looked to the sky, the moon, the stars, and the ocean.
“To Lori and to Jack,” I said, downing the mixture. It burned like freshly boiled water as it went down, making me clutch my throat. As soon as it reached my stomach, it was like a suckerpunch to the gut. I stumbled off the chair and fell to the ground, clutching my belly.
“I’m coming, brother,” said Charlie, picking up his glass. But before he could take a sip, a gunshot sounded out. I heard the glass smash on the ground and had enough time to see a single trickle of blood drip down his forehead before he collapsed. Then I passed out.
A week later, I was awake in a hospital bed. It turns out my wife is a genius. She figured out that if she could force something between her chest and the adrenaline shot, she’d be able to move freely. So, while Charlie and I were sitting outside, Lori freed her hands (Charlie was no expert when it came to knots, apparently) and wedged a dinner plate against her chest. When the device activated, it shattered the plate, causing a small cut to her chest, but otherwise leaving her unharmed. She then used my gun, which Charlie had left on the table to shoot him in the head.
It wasn’t a fatal shot, though, just enough to render him unconscious. He was being kept on a different floor in the hospital. On the day of my release, I went to see him. He had tubes coming out of his arms, mouth, and thighs. Despite what he’s put me through, it gave me no pleasure to see him that way,
We’ve become temporary guardians to Joseph Morgan, Charlie's son. Though we’re fighting for custody. Charlie’s parents, who are his next of kin, are really too old to be looking after a baby. We always said we wanted two kids, and he’s as sweet as pie. Jack has taken a shine to him, too.
Charlie remained on life support. There was always a police officer sitting outside his room, but I visited regularly. He could sometimes communicate with his hands and eyes. Speech was usually slurred. But I know in my heart he used every fibre of energy left in his body to communicate with me on one special day.
The day before he turned 28.
I was reading “Of Mice and Men” to him. It was a book we’d studied at school and had meant a lot to us at the time, having got us both B grades on our assignments. Mid speech, I was interrupted by his hand on my wrist. He gripped it tighter than I thought he could. I looked into his eyes, my breath frozen. They were wide. Pleading. There were already several birthday cards dotted around the room reminding him of what was about to happen.
“Ple…” his lips parted to try and speak. I could see tears forming in his eyes. I put the book down and leaned closer.
“Charlie, what is it?”
“Glen… you have to…”
I knew what he wanted to say. “Charlie, please don’t ask that of me.”
“Please!” he said. “Forever… 27.”
I looked around the room. It was empty, but the door was open. A cop was sitting outside like usual. I stood up and slowly closed the door, wedging a chair under the handle. I went back to Charlie.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
He lifted a trembling hand to my face and nodded. “I’m sorry, Brother.”
I started to cry as I kissed his cheek. Then I found the mains plug, pulling it out of the wall. I held his hand as he started to convulse, and alarms started sounding through the halls. The cop was knocking on the door, trying to force himself in. By the time the cop and two nurses had got into the room, Charlie was dead.
His parents took me to court. I spent six months in prison before the judge dismissed the case.
Charlie got his wish; he became a member of the 27 club. I hope it’s everything he wanted it to be