Hello!
After a deep dive last night into the world of high chairs, I’m feeling a bit defeated. Does such a chair exist that I’m looking for??
-Under 200$ -Easy to clean (no cloth cover) -Safe -Not a huge footprint/folds up -And 90-90-90
The top recommendations I see are the IKEA and Tripp Trapp.
The cons for IKEA are hard to take off the tray and a huge footprint. Plus, you have to get all the accessories. The Tripp Trapp is expensive and hard to clean the crevices.

My mom's dog, a Chihuahua mix, is so annoying.
This stupid fucking dog doesn't listen, he's trained and smart enough to do so, but he refuses. You tell him sit, he knows the command, but doesn't do it because he's a smug little bitch. I'm autistic, and a lot of the shit he does gets on my nerves/overloads my senses.
He will: 1. Sit and stare at me when I eat food 2. Lick his paws on the chair but lick the chair instead 3. Take a disgusting fat shit outside then sit on the couch. The stamp of approval. 4. Whenever my mom comes home, he howls and yelps like he's on fire. It hurts my ears so fucking bad and if I dare tell him off my family gets mad at me. 5. My family will give him human food so he won't eat his food. He'll sniff it, then trot over to the kitchen table like a smug little cunt. 6. This might be all dogs but having to waste like an hour total a day to walk the stupid dog because he can't go to the bathroom independently, I'll take him out and he has to sniff every fucking piece of grass and spin for two minutes before taking a disgusting shit i have to pick up in a doggie bag. You know what amazing felines do, by just instinct? They go to their litterbox and shit and piss and thats it. They're clean and elegant animals especially compared to dogs.
News flash, your dog isn't a good boy. He sits and begs, doesn't listen, yelps, he's clingy as fuck and irritating. My family needs to stop giving him table food and enabling his disobedience. I don't necessarily mind a well behaved dog but when they dont listen it pisses me off.

I'm looking to get 6 similar ergonomic chairs for a DnD table for pretty cheap and have heard of office closeout sales and thought that might be my best bet. Only having trouble finding them, Facebook marketplace seems filled with scams and Maxxsold seems to be more personal downsizing. Where would be the best place to find office closeouts?

It's been a while since I've visited one of my best friends, she lives in a fancy hotel. I'm heading there now! Leaving my house, I enter my car, starting the engine. I begin to drive through the neighborhood, which is pretty close to the city. It's gonna take a few minutes to reach the hotel. While driving, I think about my roommate, who's a weird guy. Will he be okay staying at my house all alone for a day? Probably, he's nice, but kinda creepy for some reason, like most weird guys I've met. I'm used to it! ... Sort of. Wait.. I don't think I told him where I was going. Welp, what could go wrong? Anyways, I get to my destination. The hotel is still fancy as ever! Exiting my car and closing the door, I lock the doors and I approach the entrance of the HUGE building. Wow, looks like they renovated the lobby, it's amazing! Happily, I walk up to the front desk, the receptionist greets me politely and asks if I want to book a room. I answer by saying no, I'm just here to visit a friend of mine. She laughs a little, and tells me to go ahead. I enter an elevator, closing the door. My best friend lives on the third floor, I'm going up there! I press the floor button and patiently wait.
... *Ding!*
Here I am! Alright, let's go and see my friend. Walking around the hallway, I find her room, bingo! I gently knock on the door, then I hear her getting up from a chair. She answers, and gets surprised. My friend tells me that she didn't expect me to visit her here. We both cheerfully giggle, I ask what she's up to, she replies by saying that she is doing a commission for someone right now, but she can't think of anything like a cool pose or something, her customer didn't really specify. Just draw this thing and that's it. Hmm.. So, she wants to do something else to get motivated. My friend curiously asks if we can go and have fun, I cheerily say sure! Holding my left hand, we head to the elevator, she presses the second floor button.
... *Ding!*
And then, we start running through a few hallways and reach a swimming pool. It's big as hell! There are a lot of players playing together in there, splashing water at each other and stuff. My friend tells me to wait, she's going to change so she can jump in and swim. Okay! I'll do the same. A few minutes pass, she returns and leaps into the pool, water flies everywhere. She's laughing happily. I take off my shirt and put it on a bench, and I also jump in. We're having fun! Three hours later of us doing fun stuff together and going to random spots in the hotel, we get back to the third floor and walk back to her room. Look at her, she's in a fantastic mood now! I like it when my friends are super happy, it makes me smile. She thanks me so much for going (nearly) everywhere with her, she's feeling pretty much motivated to do the commission now. Hey, that's what friends do, right? Hmmm, I should probably book a room of my own, this place looks so chill and less boring than the other places I've been to. Entering the elevator, I press on the lobby button, then the door shuts.
... *Ding!*
Approaching the front desk again, I tell the receptionist that I want a room in the hotel. Smiling cheerfully, she nods. Three minutes pass, she gives me my room's key and asks how long will I be staying, I say just a day would do. Again, she nods, wishing me a good lovely day, I do the same. Being nice sure is... well, nice! So, my room is on the fourth floor, let's go and see it. Re-entering the elevator, I press the fourth floor button. I patiently wait as I hum a little tune.
... *Ding!*
I think my room is that way. Leaving the elevator, I walk down a couple of hallways and find my room. Sweet! I unlock the door and enter. Wow, this room is quite big and fancy, I love it. I shut the door, then begin to explore. Whoa, a walk-in closet?! Cool! There's a game console AND a controller too? Awesome, even though I'm an adult, hahaha! I like gaming, anyways. I sit on the bed, which is very comfortable. Better than my own bed at my house.. just kidding! It feels the same. Well, time to play some video games! ... Two hours later, I hear three gentle knocks on the door. Oh, who could that be? Pausing the game and placing the controller on the table, I hop off the bed and calmly approach the door, I answer it. It's my weird guy roommate! ... For some reason, I'm feeling something off about him. Cheerily, I greet him, no response, obviously. I back away to let him in and he enters my room, then he slams the door shut. He's staring at me as he did that, never looked away or anything. Sweating nervously, I walk back to the bed, sitting back down. Okay, I'm getting a little creeped out now... I pick up the console's controller and resume playing the game. The weird guy sits next to me, I can feel him staring at me. A few minutes pass, I pause the game to look at him. Yup, just as I said. A bit spooked, I ask how he knew where I was, again... no response. Umm, okay..? I continue playing, trying to ignore him. Then, I hear someone knocking on the door.
"Coming!"
Pausing the game once more, I get up from the bed. I happily tell the weird guy that the person who just knocked must be one of my friends, and that I may have not noticed them in the hallway when I was looking for my room. Approaching the door, all of a sudden, he rushes past me and locks it. Damn it, I forgot the key was still in there! Wait.. why did he do that?! The weird guy stares at me as he puts it in one of his pockets. What the fluff? I tell him to unlock the door right now, he shakes his head no. And then, he starts to walk over to me, I back away from him nervously. I should've listened to my gut feeling when I first met him at the arcade..! I hear one of my friends faintly outside the door, he sounds afraid.
"Daniel!? DANIEL, WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE!? Open the door!!"
Before I get to yell for help, the weird guy immediately covers my mouth with his right hand to keep me from screaming. Frantically, I attempt to remove his hand from me, but to no avail. He's too strong! My friend rams into the door violently, breaking the door in half, but it's too late for him to save me. The weird guy and I get teleported to some abandoned place that sort of resembles a house. He lets me go by shoving me against a wall, then pulls out his sign. Shoot, he wants to kill me?! Fearfully, I flee, he gives chase. I have to find something to use as a weapon fast!! Five minutes of me being pursued by the weird guy, I spot a long wooden leg that belonged to a big, BIG table or something, I quickly pick it up. That's it, I'm going to fight him! I'll try not to trigger his violent side. We are now in a large, spacious empty room. After staring (or glaring in my case) at each other for a bit, the weird guy charges at me and swings his sign, I block it instantly. Holy shoot, that was so close to my head! Also, this wooden leg is tough as fluff, it feels like there's steel in there. Every time he swings his sign, I block it from touching me. Now though, he's pushing my weapon with it, making me back away bit by bit. My back is against the wall, I'm struggling to push it back at him.
"What the fluff is wrong with you!? I knew that us being "friends" would end up a fluffing disaster, now I don't want to have you as a friend ever!! FLUFF. OFF!!"
I see his left eye twitch, he pushes even harder, causing me to lower myself to the ground slowly. AGH! My arms are hurting..! I can still.. do it! I finally manage to shove him a bit. Thank god he didn't turn violent, because that would be the end of me. Then he swings his sign, I block his attack. Goddamn it, he's so determined to kill me! ... Suddenly, I hear a certain player's voice.
"What's up? And good-bye!~"
It's The Badass Sheriff! How did he know that we are here? Someone must've told him. Aiming his shotgun at the weird guy's head, he shoots, instantly killing him. Eww, there's blood on me! Gross. Anyways, I approach and thank him profusely. Smirking triumphantly, he reassures me that SpinningSeaTurtles will never harm or kill anyone again. What..? That's his username? It sounds ridiculous! Leaving the building, we enter his car and he drives away from the place. As we go through the city, Clyde starts to tell me all about the weird guy who's fatally cured, thanks to him. Apparently, he didn't like it when his 'friends' travels to somewhere else without saying anything to him, but he ALSO hates it when those 'friends' of his visit their other friends to hang out with instead of him. Oh, shoot... Clyde asks where I was before I went to that abandoned building, I answer that I was at a fancy hotel because I'm only staying there for a single day. He laughs cheerily, and says that he's going to take me there to finish the stay, then we can hang out. Whoa, seriously?! Me, with The Badass Sheriff!? Awesome! Curiously, I ask if he's ever been there, Clyde replies by saying yes, he was at the hotel before, but he wasn't alone, he had his best friend, Louie, with him. They were there because his friend suggested they go to the hotel to have some fun. Neat! He reaches my destination and I exit his car, I thank him again for rescuing me.
"Don't sweat it, pal! Make sure to inform me when your stay is over, alright?"
"I will, Clyde. Bye!"
He drives off, I enter the hotel again. I sigh in relief. Uh, the players are looking at me, they look spooked. Heh, I know, there's blood on my body... I'll just go back to my room so I can wash myself. Getting into the elevator, I press the fourth floor button.
... *Ding!*
I head back to my room, the door is completely broken. Someone will fix it, I think? I go to the bathroom and shut the door. A few minutes pass, I come out, nice and clean! Ahh... That's much better! I sit on the bed, then lie down, my hands behind my head, smiling a little.
This day was quite... interesting and frightening, to say the least..
I can't believe I get to hang out with The Badass Sheriff!!
​

I was walking our dog Charlie when I saw the graveyard for the first time. A little white fence, not even knee high, ran in a circle around maybe a dozen small headstones. There was space for a small gate along the fence but it was empty now, like a missing tooth. Whether the gate was removed or never existed, I couldn’t tell, but the rest of the fence was in good shape. It even looked freshly painted.
“What do you think, Charlie?” I asked, pulling up my hood.
The sky had been threatening rain all week and it was finally making good. The Weimaraner tilted his head at me and then looked off toward nothing. The fact that nothing happened to be in the same direction of the graveyard, well, I figured it was a coincidence. But dogs always know, don’t they? When something is bad and dangerous and hungry and close. Charlie knew, even warned me in his own way. A shame I didn’t notice until after most everybody was…after it was too late to do anything about it.
Nicole was hanging up pictures when we got back from our walk. I started unpacking one of the billion boxes scattered around the living room. It appeared to contain roughly four thousand dish towels and a single chipped coffee mug. Charlie watched us, patiently, filled with the usual, unshakeable belief that if he sat long enough and looked adorable enough, sooner or later, one of his owners would produce a treat. He was correct and it was my wife who folded first, tossing him a dried sweet potato thing which Charlie gratefully caught mid-air.
“Like the neighborhood?” Nicole asked.
“It’s kinda perfect. Lots of folks out and about, saw a few other families moving in, oh, and there’s even a graveyard in the middle of the development. You know, like how we always dreamed.”
Nicole made an “ick” sound but overall seemed happy.
I heard Bryan and Anna thumping around upstairs, most likely still arguing about who got the room with the attached bath. If they hadn’t sorted it out by dinner, I resolved to think up a weird game they could play where the winner got first bedroom dibs. It was still early in the afternoon, so I caught Nicole up on what I’d seen in our new neighborhood while we unpacked. We were far from the only new occupants of Stone Brooke; at least four other houses had SOLD signs driven into their front yards like stakes through freshly vanquished vampires.
The development was less than a year old and I doubted it would make it more than another six months before being filled to the brim. That was fine with me. It meant our property value would keep going up, up, up and away.
“Do you think we’ll make any friends with our neighbors?” Nicole asked, opening a new box to unpack.
“We’ll be having joint ski vacations and holiday parties in no time,” I guessed. “I’ll try to chat some up next time Charlie and I make our rounds. I’ll even knock on some graves, if you’d like.”
Nicole scowled and shook her head. A thousand teasing jokes about the living dead limping up to our house ran through my mind but each evaporated before escaping my mouth. Eight years of marriage had left me with a finely-honed sense of when to be a clown and when not to push it. And, the truth was, I felt a small twinge of discomfort myself whenever I thought about the little cemetery. It was a family plot, old; would the bodies even be embalmed? Or would you find something rotted down to tar and marrow if you dug up one of the plots?
I shivered.
Nicole smiled. “Looks like maybe somebody just walked over your grave.”
“Not possible. I’m not leaving a body behind when I go, remember? Viking funeral? Have my brother launch fire arrows at a gasoline-soaked canoe with me in it. And then scatter the ashes somewhere meaningful,” I added. “Like the Grand Canyon or the ocean or the last Blockbuster on Earth.
Nicole called for Anna and Bryan and we sat down to a family dinner of move-in-day sandwiches and popcorn and whatever other road-trip snacks we still had from the drive. It was a good night. Bryan was distracted by his phone, a new friend or a girl maybe. Anna was joking with Nicole about something…something to do with school. I can’t remember what, exactly. I really wish I could.
That was the last time we all sat down together as a family for dinner.
I woke up in the middle of our first night in the new house. Some outside sound had entered my dreams. What was it? A whispering or a knocking or rasping. No, not rasping–rustling. Like the sound of many things moving at once but moving quietly, carefully, deliberately. I sat up in bed, blinking against the total darkness of the room.
There it was again; the rustling. Faint and far away, I guessed, but it was so eerie that I could hear it at all.
“Hey, Nicole,” I whispered. “Hey, are you awake?”
Nothing in response other than that rustle again in the dark. It sounded like it was coming from somewhere below me. I got up and stumbled through the room without turning on a light. I don’t know why I didn’t wake Nicole up to listen; I wish I had. I guess I didn’t want her to think I was crazy if I was the only one who heard the sound.
The rustling was actually fainter when I finally made it downstairs. There was only a little light in the house spilling in from outside through half-curtained windows. I paused on the second to last step down and listened. The noise was moving away, growing softer and less frequent. By the time I stepped on the living room rug, the night was silent.
I waited, listened for almost a full minute, then started padding back up the stairs. There was something unsettling about the rustling that made me glad it had stopped. I’d watched a Civil War documentary a few years back and they demonstrated how a battlefield surgeon would operate by sawing through a half a pig carcass then sewing up the wound. They’d pushed in real close during the last part of the demo so you got a great look and even a great listen..
The rustling I’d heard outside the house that night reminded me of the sound of the needle and thread slithering through the pig’s flesh as the surgeon closed the cut.
Wind, I thought. Dream. HVAC system. The first signs of a brain tumor. But probably just the wind traveling through the branches of the maple trees that line our street.
There’s a landing at the top of the stairs with a big window that looks out over the front yard. A silver-gray column of moonlight fell in through the glass, giving enough light to make out a shadow standing on my lawn but not enough to see it clearly. It was a man, tall but a little bent. I remember thinking maybe he was hurt so I moved closer to the window for a cleaner look.
The guy was right at the edge of my yard, nearly in the road. He was facing my house but I couldn’t pick out any details about him. Too many clouds and moonshadows for a good look at his face. We both stared at the other for a minute then the stranger turned and began to walk away. Or, ‘walking’ isn’t entirely the right word. He moved like a man who had just learned to walk and he almost, almost had it figured out.
His knees threatened to collide more than once and he was moving with a limp, favoring his right side. I watched him fall over twice, each time dragging his body along the road for a dozen yards or so before shakily standing up and continuing on like a shell-shocked soldier wandering out of a trench. Each time the man got near a streetlight he would veer away from the glow, stumbling back into darkness and always moving toward the treeline that marked the edge of the woods around our neighborhood.
I stood, frozen in the moonlight, as the night visitor slipped into the forest, movements jerking like a puppet with stiff strings. Then the figure was gone and I was left blinking, wondering if I was dreaming or maybe this was what sleepwalking felt like. It didn’t seem real, any of it; not the rustling, not the man in the yard.
Once I was back in our bedroom, I considered waking up Nicole. But what was I going to tell her? Hey dear, sorry to startle you, I think there was a zombie outside our house. Or maybe just a creepy neighbor. Or maybe your husband is just going slowly, gently, completely crazy. Before getting back into bed, I went and lifted the corner of the curtain on the window, peeking out at the last spot in the treeline where I’d seen the weird guy slip away.
I’m not sure what I was expecting; some trail of destruction, maybe, like Godzilla’s wake on his way to Tokyo. But there was nothing, no sign, no proof there was ever anything at all. Just the sleeping neighborhood, tucked away in the middle of silent woods. The trees were slick with the day’s rain but that would all freeze overnight if it hadn’t already. Streetlights stood out like nails driven into the night, these little bright scars in the dark. I followed the line of them from where it ended at the road back to where it started at the center of the house development.
The graveyard sat high on a hill there at the heart of the neighborhood where the lights started. Or ended, I guess.
I tried to put the bizarre experience out of my mind and laid back in bed next to Nicole.
Charlie and I were on another walk first thing the next morning when we saw another moving truck. This time, however, it looked like the family was on their way out. We stood under a tree watching the movers buzzing back and forth, big, quiet men with thick black belts around their stomachs. The departing family was helping, a man and woman with three three little boys. There was something about the way the parents were behaving that made me stop and observe everybody for a little longer than I usually would, especially with Charlie trying to pull on his leash to go after a Canadian goose.
The adults were zipping boxes from the house to the moving van at warpspeed, almost like they had a deadline. At the same time, both the man and the woman looked so exhausted I was surprised they were standing, much less zipping around like hummingbirds that learned how to drink coffee. They eventually noticed me and Charlie standing across the street, so I waved and walked over.
“Howdy neighbors,” I said, unleashing the most cheerful grin I could drag out.
The couple stopped moving boxes. They stood together, between me and their kids, and I got the unexpected but absolutely unshakable idea they were scared of me. Or, at least, awfully interested in me keeping my distance from their children.
I tried to smile even more disarmingly but it probably went in the other direction.
“We just moved in,” I said, pointing down the street. “How are you all liking Stone Brooke?”
The pair shared a look. They were both around my age, maybe mid-30s, and made an interesting pair. The woman was very tall, her face soaking in shadows cast by a gardening hat. The man was short and balding but muscled like a powerlifter. He took a step toward me and I instinctively tensed up.
“You should leave,” the man said, barely above a whisper.
“Okay,” I said, backing up, “I didn’t mean to-”
“No, I don’t mean here,” he said. “I mean this neighborhood. It’s not a good place.”
His–I assumed wife–was looking around the nearby houses while we talked. Something must have spooked her, because she took two steps forward and leaned in.
“Walter, we don’t know him,” she whispered. “He might be-”
“Okay, June,” Walter said, “okay, you’re right, you’re right. Buddy, I’m sorry, we don’t have anything to talk about. We’re out of here, hopefully before dinner.”
The couple turned away and walked back to their kids. Walter hesitated in his driveway, giving me one last glance.
“Listen, I’m sorry, you seem normal enough,” he said, ignoring the glare from his wife. “But you really should get out of Stone Brooke as soon as you can. We’ve only been here a week but there’s already so much…shit, if you are normal, you wouldn’t believe me. And if you’re not, well, we’ll be gone by tonight either way.”
Walter’s wife returned to his side, one delicate hand on his bowling ball of a shoulder trying to steer him away. She must have noticed my absolute confusion; the little bit of her face I could see from under the hat softened.
“If anyone knocks on your door after dark, you shouldn’t answer. Don’t go out after sundown, either. And if anyone you know starts acting…” She looked back at her kids. Two of the three were moving boxes from the house to the truck in a mini-conga line but the third, a little boy, was standing on the porch staring at us. “If anyone you know starts acting strange, just don’t be alone with them or let anyone else be alone with them. Do you understand?”
“Not at all,” I admitted but the pair were already gone, joining their kids next to the U-Haul.
The one boy was still separate from the others, still watching me and Charlie while we stood on the sidewalk at the edge of their yard. Feeling uncomfortable and confused, I gave the kid a friendly wave. He just stared until we left.
I tried to shake off the creepy encounter. Ten minutes of walking in the sunshine had me feeling fine in no time. Charlie and I took a loop around the rest of Stone Brooke then started heading home. I wasn’t planning on walking by the cemetery but that’s the way our route ended up winding. It was even smaller upclose; not the dozen or so gravestones I’d guessed the day before but maybe only seven or eight. The stones themselves were small and weathered. They were carved of something that was white once but had been sun-stained to a dirty gray. I couldn’t make out any names or dates from where I was standing just outside of the short fence. It didn’t feel right stepping into the cemetery to get a better look. I told myself it was respect holding me back from getting any closer.
Well, that and the fact that Charlie was not a fan of the area at all. He began whining as we approached the hill; by the time we were at the fence, Charlie was tugging at his leash, trying to drag me back toward our house down the street. And, weighing in at nearly ninety pounds of muscle and anxiety, he nearly succeeded.
“Easy, Charlie, easy,” I said. “We’re not going near the dead people.” He tilted his head at me. “Okay, we’re not going any nearer than we already are. I just want to look for a second, alright?”
It wasn’t alright. Not by Charlie’s measure. After about two minutes of trying to stand without getting wrapped up like an AT-AT walker by my dog’s leash, I surrendered. I took one last look at the graveyard before I allowed Charlie to lead us away. There were a few trees scattered among the stones. They were bare of leaves, which was normal for the time of year, but they were also stunted and sickly. The trunk of the tree closest to the cemetery gate appeared to be dry-rotted, its bark flakey and brown-orange in spots.
The last thought I spared the cemetery before leaving was that I didn’t like the faint smell I detected. Nothing crazy, it didn’t smell like death or anything dramatic; it was an earthy scent, like a field after a rainstorm but with the hint of something spoiled under all of it.
I let Charlie lead us home, walking quickly but not rushing. Nicole was up unpacking again when we walked in. The kids were still asleep. My wife had on gray sweat pants and my faded Red Hot Chili Peppers t-shirt. Her hair was tied up in a scarf. I remember thinking how pretty she looked, brown eyes jumping from box-to-box, looking for her next target, and smiling as she worked.
We spent the rest of the day just settling in, checking out the house, unpacking and playing games with the kids. Then we DoorDashed Chinese for an early dinner. I remember it being early enough that the sun was still out when it was delivered and just setting when Nicole took Charlie out for his evening walk.
Charlie returned alone half an hour later, dragging his leash and looking stressed beyond anything I’d ever seen from him.
“Hey, hey, buddy,” I said, opening the door he was scratching at. “Where’s your mom, Charlie?”
I stepped out onto the front porch, expecting to see Nicole running down the street after Charlie gave her the slip. But it was starting to rain and no one was moving anywhere I could see.
“Nicole,” I said loudly. “Hey, Nicoollle.”
She didn’t call back or come jogging down the road. My throat was feeling weird, so I swallowed then yelled her name, much louder this time. I tried to keep any tinge of panic out of my voice.
“Nicole!”
Charlie was sitting on the floor, still on his leash, looking up at me. He was whining so quietly I didn’t notice at first. I pulled my phone from my pocket and called Nicole. It rang for what felt like a few years before going to her voicemail. I tried again with the same result, then yelled out again, and then another call.
I felt it crawling up and over me, that panic, the anxious madness that you feel when a normal day teeters on the beam before falling into an awful damn day. That happened to me once before when I was in college and my uncle died suddenly in a car crash. I remember the phone call, the confusion, the resistance to the growing, unavoidable certainty that your life just changed in a terrible way.
My pulse was up and my stomach was cramped. I took a deep breath and called my wife for the fourth time in about two minutes. Maybe her phone was on silent. Maybe she was still out searching for Charlie?
In the rain? I asked myself.
Sure. She loves Charlie. She would look for him in the rain or a blizzard or a volcanic eruption.
“Okay,” I said out loud, “but after she couldn’t find Charlie, she would call me so we could all look. She would call.”
What if she was hurt?
The thought went off like a molotov in my mind, spreading until it was the only idea I could focus on. I pictured Nicole laying in some ditch or hollow with a broken leg, black sky pouring down on her. She’d call if she could, if that was the scenario, but if she couldn’t reach her phone for some reason, then she’d be counting on me going to find her.
I took Charlie off his leash and hustled upstairs. Bryan was in his room unpacking and Anna was sitting in a window nook reading. She looked up at me when I left the stairs and asked where mom was since she’d heard me calling outside for her. I told both of the kids that their mom was probably meeting some new neighbors and I was just going to pop out for a second to see if she needed anything. Anna was ten and accepted my excuse with a smile before going back to her book. Bryan, however, was thirteen and had a much better ear for lies. He gave me an odd glance but I smiled and promised I’d be back in two shakes.
Two shakes turned into nearly thirty minutes of me scouring Stone Brooke. It wasn’t a big development, maybe fifty or sixty houses spreading out in rings with the old cemetery in the middle. That was where the original farmhouse was when all of the land was owned by one family. I remember the real estate agent telling us that the day we toured the house.
It’s strange the places your mind will go for a distracting memory when your agitation is slouching slowly toward hysteria. I peppered my foot search for Nicole with frequent phone calls, which only resulted in stacking voicemails over voicemails. I scoured all three main streets, hood trickling with rainwater, my flashlight sweeping between houses and under trees. After an hour, I’d checked the neighborhood twice over, all except for the little graveyard. I wasn’t even trying to consciously avoid it but I realized I had.
The waist-high gate was unlocked and swung open when I lifted the latch, which was just starting to go to rust. I got the sense that the cemetery was once well-cared for and only recently had been more or less forgotten. There were a few weeds among the tombstones and a glass vase filled with nearly mummified flowers in front of one grave in particular but there wasn’t any sign of Nicole. The ground was soft from the rain but it was too dark to see much of anything. I did note that the entire hill was messy, more dirt than grass and quickly turning into pure mud.
“I hope none of the coffins float out,” I muttered, drawing my flashlight across the eroded markers.
There were lots of shadows and sunken places on the ground but nothing deep enough to hide a person. I walked home quickly, trying to stay a few steps ahead of the cold fear that kept flashing every imaginable horror that might have happened to my wife through my mind.
If I knew then what I know now about what actually happened to Nicole…the worst, darkest, most vile things I came up with, they weren’t even close.
I made my way home after the graveyard to tell my kids their mom was missing. Just the thought of starting the conversation was filling me with dread and a terrible guilt. They were children; how were they going to process this new, ugly thing? I’d do my best to summarize the situation for them and then I would call the police. That was the plan. Needing to wait twenty-four hours to file a missing persons report is a myth, I knew that. But the sheer surreal misery of the night was blanking my mind on what I would tell everyone.
Nicole went out to walk the dog right around sunset, so about 5pm or 5:30pm. Charlie came back holding his leash at 6:41pm. I remember the exact time because I checked my phone to see if there were any missed calls from Nicole as soon as Charlie appeared.
While I was walking up our driveway, I kept mentally rehearsing how I was going to break the news to the kids. Was there any good way to tell children their mom was missing? Should I inject optimism, sugar-coat, make promises? Or just be frank and completely honest and tell them I didn’t know if…
Not a thought I wanted to finish, even in my own mind, and I opened our front door still undecided how I was going to handle the next part. Then I saw Nicole sitting at the kitchen table playing cards with the kids and I froze. I stood there in the doorway staring until Anna noticed me and told me, look, mom’s home! I managed a limp smile and a nod.
My wife was facing away from me and when she turned in her chair, for an instant, I thought I was looking at a stranger. Then she smiled, really smiled, and it was just Nicole there, the same girl I’d met at a friend’s Halloween party fifteen years ago but now even more lovely. I grinned, still confused but nearly shaking with relief.
“Where were you?” I asked, attempting to sound calmer than I felt. “When Charlie came back, I went looking for you. I was worried that…well, I was worried.”
Nicole took a second to reply. Several seconds, actually. An odd look passed over her face, eyes closing, her jaw tight. Then she snapped out of it, whatever it was, and smiled wider.
“The dog had slipped away to chase a squirrel,” Nicole said. “I’m fine. We’re fine. We’re all fine. We just lost track of time. Sorry to worry you.”
“Okay but you could have called,” I pointed out. “And I called you.”
Another pause before she had an answer.
“I lost my phone chasing the dog,” Nicole finally replied. “And then we got all turned around and mixed up. New neighborhood, you know? Are you hungry?”
In our years together, we’d both gotten good at knowing when the other one was lying. That night, I genuinely could not tell. What she was telling me was plausible if not at all how I expected her to react to Charlie running. For that matter, it was already unusual that our dog would take off after a squirrel. And why would Nicole lie to me about all of it anyway?
But I pressed all of those concerns down into my chest and locked them there. It was a good night, I told myself, an eventful night, a terrifying night for a bit there, but now, everything was okay. We had all sat and played cards, then ate dinner, and then unpacked the last of our boxes before bed.
Nicole kept watching me all throughout the night. I acted like I didn’t notice. She was acting normal enough other than these brief pauses now and again, like she was stopping to think about what she was saying carefully. Her nose also began bleeding, which she stuffed with tissue, blaming the bleed on allergies. My biggest fear that night was she’d had a medical event or something and needed to go to the hospital. A fall turned into a concussion, maybe.
Or, God, a stroke?
Ultimately, Nicole wasn’t showing any signs of an emergency, so I tried to relax.
Still, I found myself watching Nicole for the rest of the night. She caught me looking while she was brushing her teeth. All she did was stop and smile at me. We laid down in bed and I immediately clicked off the light, telling Nicole that I was worn out. After a minute of silence in the dark, I felt my wife’s fingers on my shoulder. She pressed a fingertip to my neck and lightly brushed the space between my jawline and collarbone. It made me shiver; not in a pleasant way.
“Hey, that tickles,” I said, turning away.
Nothing for a moment and then her fingers were pushing against the back of my neck, not hard enough to be painful but not exactly comfortable either.
“What, uh, what are you doing?” I asked.
In response, Nicole kissed my shoulder. Or, it was half a kiss and half almost a bite. She didn’t break the skin but it was awfully close. I slipped away, putting space between us by rolling off of the bed.
“What the Hell?” I snapped.
Nicole didn’t say anything back. There was no light in the room, not even moonlight. In the blackness, I heard my wife shifting in bed.
“Nicole?”
Still nothing from my wife and now she wasn’t moving at all. Seconds stretched out and all I could think to do was stand dully waiting for things to feel normal.
“I just remembered I need to send some emails back to the office,” I told the darkness. “I shouldn’t be too long. I’ll just be downstairs. Are you heading to sleep?” No answer. “Okay, love you, Nicole. Good night.”
I heard her shifting again as I was leaving the bedroom. It was louder than before, a rustling that reminded me of something I couldn’t place. Whatever it was, I wasn’t a fan.
I ended up sleeping on the couch. I had a dream that people were standing outside of our house trying to look in the windows. There was the rustling sound from earlier, like running water or wind through a forest. I woke up to find Nicole standing halfway down the stairs, silhouetted by the light from my open laptop. She froze when I looked at her, stared at me, then softly walked back up the stairs.
There was no more sleep for me that night. I stayed on the couch watching TV with the lights on until dawn.

The Earl of Rimbak skewered a hunk of snail meat on the end of his fork and dragged it out of its shell. A trail of yellow slime tethered the Earl’s lips to the morsel of mollusk before he broke it with his tongue and slurped it in. Ponk watched from across the cluttered table, straining to hide his disgust. He forced a coin of buttered carrot down his throat, as if his appetite hadn’t been thoroughly demolished.
“So …” The Earl paused to chew and swallow. Picking a sliver of snail from his teeth with the nail of his pinky finger, he said: “You’re a … erm … a thought-thief are you?”
Ponk peered around a forest of goblets, emptied trays, and overturned baskets to address the Earl. As ravenously as his lordship ate, his body was as thin and sickly as a naked twig. He almost vanished from view if anything as thick as a candlestick was placed in front of him.
“Right you are, my lord.”, said Ponk as he forked another coin of carrot.
“Funny,” The Earl sucked at each one of his fingertips. “you don’t have the look of one, do you?”
A shiver of disdain shot up Ponk’s spine, but he suppressed it with guile and equanimity. The Earl wasn’t wrong. Ponk’s body was often compared to a wasp in flight. His stout arms and bulbous belly were precariously balanced on tall, thin, spindly legs. He wasn’t so much ugly as he was uncomfortable looking, like a lopsided piece of furniture built without taking measurements.
“It wouldn’t appear so, my lord.” Ponk caged his animosity behind clenched teeth. “Doesn’t stop me though. I think you’ll find I’m quite practiced at it.”
“Really?” He stabbed another snail. “And how long have you been ‘practicing’?”
“How long’s it been legal, again?”
The Earl let out a guttural choking sound that loosely resembled laughter and slammed his frail fist repeatedly on his armrest. Wiping a tear from the depths of a wrinkle he said:
“You’re quick witted I’ll give you that. In another life you’d’ve made a fine thespian.”
“One of my many regrets, my lord.”
“Oh I’m sure it is.” The folds in the Earl’s face deepened as his smile widened. It was clear Ponk’s disgust was reciprocated in that cavernous grin. “Regardless, I’m sure you’ll do fine. You come highly recommended by my cousin, and I trust his word over any other.”
“I aim to please.”
“Then, let us hope your aim is true.” The Earl fished out another piece of snail and stuffed it in his mouth. “Where is your partner,” Gulp. “by the way? My cousin mentioned there were two of you.”
“He retired.” Ponk shuttered as he stifled a memory. “Very recently, in fact. Not an ideal circumstance, but no circumstance truly is in this line of work.”
The Earl swallowed a few final chunks of snail.
“So you’re sure you’ll be able to erm … perform … without him?”
Ponk pointed a carrot capped fork at the Earl.
“Pay me what you promised and I might just sing a little song for you, too. Just tell me what thoughts I’m thieving, and whose thoughts they are.”
The Earl waved an arm at his servant, who carried away a silver tray now littered with empty shells and streaks of slime. The rail thin ruler leaned forward, his wrists straining under his own weight.
“A Wyrdweaver, I believe he’s called Balthamazer, has been working foul magics against me. He mires my mind with visions of my earldom burning, and him cackling over the ashes.”
“Any signs that this Balthamaazer might make good on his threats?”
“Hardly. If I were to hazard a guess, it would seem that this wyrdweaver wishes to see me addled with paranoia so that he might take advantage. I’m as sure as anything he means to set some devious trap that I’m to spring by acting too rashly. Regardless, these visions are a tax on both my senses and my schedule, and I’d rather have them done away with as quickly as possible.”
“So I suppose I’m to find this Balthamazer, enter his thoughtscape, and find as much information about him as possible so your swift and brutal justice may be visited upon him?”
“My friend,” A servant placed a steaming bowl of fish-heads in front of the Earl. “it’s as if you’ve read my mind.”
The candlelights dimmed as the Earl sunk into a billowing blue curtain. The curtain crawled down the dining table before swallowing Ponk along with everything else in the room. Thick azure ribbons constricted and enveloped all that Ponk could see until he was adrift in a deep swirling void. The memory was over, at least the parts which Ponk could recall perfectly. He floated in the pool of cool fabric that was his own mindscape, waiting to be carried off into deeper and more distant memories.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/13J552S-BUeayqc2Xutx2PTPLzx8Y47ebqINR6xc_ybo/edit

Been a while since I tried my hand at some prose writing, been whiling away the ill hours with a bit of solo play. Here's a development I felt inspired to write out:
"“Who is King here, Lord Lancaster?” Said Reinhardt, leaning forward in his high backed chair and gazing across the table at Tobias. Outside the canvas folds of his royal pavilion were the sounds of the army’s war camp; soldiers’ voices shouting drills as officers barked orders, horses whinnied and drove their hooves through mud pregnant with the recent rain. Within the silk curtained heart of the king’s pavilion, candles illuminated Reinhardt’s inner chamber, replete with a long, square table of carved oak, shaped to form lion’s paws at each corner. Across its surface sprawled a map of the region between Hyrun and the northern edge of Shaluna.
Kana wondered if the piece served double duty as the king’s dining table whilst on campaign, and how much it was worth, if it could even be fenced. Her master’s response hooked her back to the conversation.
“You are, your Majesty.” Tobias answered. He was the only one of his retinue to be standing at the foot of the king’s table. Kana, the other thieves, and Sir Percival were all kneeling. All except Kana kept their heads bowed. Her eyes drifted to the small of her master’s back, where he kept his arms folded, presenting a show of aristocratic regality to the king in contrast to his stained, mud soaked travel cloak and leathers. She eyed Tobias’ fingers, watching for any expression of finger-cant. A slow, gentle wave pattern of his fingers told her to stay calm. Stay silent.
“Perhaps you can explain then,” the King replied, resting his unshaven chin on his interlaced fingers. “By what authority do you command I must declare young Tristan outlaw? That I must call for his death?” Kana saw no sign of malice nor aggression in Reinhardt’s relaxed shoulders. In fact, she could see him staring down Tobias from under half lidded eyes, and the edges of his lips betrayed the barest upward curve of a smile. She heard the faintest hiss of Tobias inhaling through his nose.
“I apologize, your Majesty. My manners are … labored, somewhat, by my sister’s condition.” Tobias paused. Again, the activity of soldiers and the ruffling of the pavilion canvas broke the silence, along with the scratching of a scribe’s quill. Reinhardt’s eyes narrowed, before waving the fingers of his right hand, beckoning Tobias.
“I beg you to consider my request, your majesty. For my sister’s health, and for the good of your realm.” Tobias bowed his head and knelt. Reinhardt’s smile grew. Kana clenched her teeth.
“You do yourself a disservice, Lord Lancaster.” Reinhardt smiled, rising from his seat. “Your words serve your passion eloquently. Were I where you kneel, I would rage against the tempest for the lives of those dearest to me.” the King continued, the gentle clinking of his plate greaves filling the inner chamber as he rounded the table toward Tobias, a pair of helmed Kingsglaive flanking him as he approached.
The King now stood before Tobias. Kana tensed as she watched Reinhardt pull off his leather glove, revealing a delicate hand creased with mid-age wrinkles and marked with faded scars. On his exposed finger sat a plump band of gold, housing a ruby.
“Your passion and presence are much missed in Hyrun’s court. It would hearten this old warrior’s heart to have you and your retinue at our side again, once you have completed your task.” Reinhardt continued, extending his hand down toward Tobias, whose eyes drifted upward, first toward the proffered hand and ring, then to the face of the King, whose face was alight with a smile that did not reach his eyes. Kana heard the rustle of her thief-brethren bristling. She slid her hand behind her back, signing them with harsh gestures; QUIET.
Tobias met the King’s eyes as his hand slid upward to take Reinhardt’s palm. “As you command, your Majesty.” said the thieves’ guild grandmaster, before he pressed his lips against the ruby on the King’s ring finger.
Kana wondered who it was she was watching sell the thieves’ guild to the King; Was it her master? Lord Lancaster? Leonette’s brother? Did it matter?"

This was a couple months ago so I don't remember all the details, but basically in the dream the 3 of them were doing some kind of listening party in this random basement with a bunch of people gathered around some speakers, and they were playing some of the new songs they made off a laptop on this folding table in the middle of the room. The thing was, the songs they were playing were totally different from all their other albums, and no one was really vibing with it at all. It was all like this weird, squeaky EDM kinda sound without any of Ride's vocals, and the band members seemed really disappointed that no one was into it. It was super uncomfortable and I honestly felt bad for them since they seemed really excited to show everyone, but I lowkey wasn't feeling it either lmao.
Don't know why I felt the need to share this, but since then it's been my running theory for why they haven't released any new music.

Hear me out. CB is arguably the biggest hole on the Panthers' roster. The obvious solution is to bring back Stephon Gilmore, who is coming off of a pretty good season in Dallas in which he stayed healthy and started all 17 games. There are a few potential issues with Gilmore though:

1. There's no guarantee he signs with Carolina. Other teams need CB help, and they may be legitimate Super Bowl contenders.
2. He will be 34 this year. Historically CB production falls off a cliff around this age. Even if he can put together another solid season, he would almost certainly be a one-year, stopgap kind of signing.
3. He's going to command a decent sized contract. His last two contracts were for $5.5 million and $7.9 million. He's very likely going to sign a deal in the $6 - $8 million range. The Panthers are not flush with cap space either. OTC estimates they have a hair over $8 million, and almost all of that is needed to sign the rookie class.

Now let's look at Bradberry. He's had a bit of an up and down career, with a nice bounce back season in 2022 for the Eagles' Super Bowl run, followed by a down year in 2023. Cornerback is a volatile position though, and the Eagles did lose their defensive coordinator last offseason, which could have been a contributing factor to Bradberry's lackluster performance.
Bradberry is also an older player (he'll turn 32 this year), but he's 2 years younger than Gilmore, and under contract through 2025. Crucially though, there is no more guaranteed money beyond 2024. It's difficult to calculate exactly what the cap hits would be for the Panthers because of all the funky option stuff the Eagles do with their players, but as best as I can tell it would be a bit less than $3 million in 2024 (fully guaranteed), and a bit over $6 million in 2025 (no guaranteed money, essentially a team option).
So what would it cost to trade for him? Probably not a lot. With the Eagles drafting both Quinyon Mitchell and Cooper DeJean, Bradberry is an obvious cut candidate. The Panthers have extra 5th and 7th round picks in the 2025 draft. There's also a remote possibility they could swing a player-for-player trade that would reunite two former second round picks with the respective teams that drafted them: Miles Sanders for Bradberry straight up. The Panthers might have to eat some of Sanders' 2024 salary to facilitate the deal, but they could potentially have a net zero impact on the salary cap if they were to convert $3 million of his base salary to a signing bonus.
Thoughts on this? I would trade Sanders for Bradberry in a heartbeat if that was on the table. He's younger and cheaper than Gilmore, plus if he has a really good 2024 season he's under team control through 2025. If he doesn't play well, he can be cut with no dead money. His skillset matches up pretty well against guys like Drake London, Kyle Pitts, Mike Evans and Chris Olave. If Evero can field a functional defense with CJ Henderson and the ghost of Donte Jackson as his starting outside corners, I have confidence he can make Bradberry work.

Good morning Pittsburgh!
My fiancé and I planning a very frugal wedding. $5k or bust. We are selecting a venue probably in the Allegheny Parks system. They are seemingly perfect. Our wedding will have around 75 people. The Riverview Chapel looks to be a bit too small unfortunately so we are looking at facilities in South Park and North Park. In South Park, the best options seem to be Buffalo Inn and the Museum Building. In North Park, the Lodge and Rose Barn. I have searched through Reddit and found great info but I just wanted clarification from people with experience. Which of these places has their own tables and chairs for 75? Are they quality? We weren't even planning on covering them probably so are they decent looking or super gross? What kind of chairs? Is it sort of "wedding-ready" in that way? I don't want to book one only to realize we have to deal with the cost and headache to get tables and chairs.
I would really appreciate you sharing your experience!

Our sleep was good, but a little painful on the wiry bed, springs poking hips. We slept long, the fuss of the night before weighing on us and making us hesitant to enter the day again. The roomy and empty dorm was fine to pad around in, anyways. Felt like having a suite to ourselves in a way.
Eventually we got packed and out the door, the chill of the day a bit of a shock after hot and humid weeks. Hakone is at a relatively high altitude, and a cooler spring day means single digits, we haven't felt this cold while riding in quite some time. The cafe we had spotted earlier was open so we stopped and had savoury pastries with egg and bacon on them as well as a beautiful and delicious cinnamon bun. And strong coffees, too strong.
As we ate, I spurred us to make concrete our plans to ensure we would make it to Tokyo more or less on time. While my plan to bike south to the point of the Izu Peninsula and take a ferry to Tokyo was in theory possible, I wanted to see the time tables and luggage guidelines that would confirm the plan as viable. What we found was not heartening. To have a chance to make our island hopping dreams a reality, we would need to be present at the ferry terminal some 90km and 1600m of climb away, at opening, around 8am on Friday. There was one sailing only, and if we missed it, it would be Sunday at the earliest when we would get to Tokyo. Not so bad, but it would be two separate ferries to get there, both with their own rules and reservation systems. Not to mention the cost! It would be at least $150 each just to get to the island, and they still might refuse us, just because our load is unusual. We've seen it before, presenting a situation outside of normal operating parameters causing mass confusion and grief for people working the systems.
A lot of what if's. But mostly, it became clear that to have a chance, we'd have to bike harder than any day before and right now our mood is not in the place to do that. We decided against the ferry idea, and against the train for the same reason as the ferry - we just can't trust it with golden week travellers filling up every mode of transportation. If we're ever going to have a hard time with our pile of bags and large bicycles, now is that time. We decided to slow down and enjoy the area we fought hard to get to and just bike into Tokyo. We'll figure the rest out tomorrow.
Relieved that we wouldn't be biking under threat of failure for the next day, we relaxed and moved to the hakone open air sculpture museum to enjoy the nice clear day. The entry fee was a bit more than we expected at $20 each, but inside we could see that the price was fair. A large sculpture garden greeted us, with several areas housing different groupings of sculptures. We were impressed by the variety and presentation of the works and especially enjoyed the kinetic sculptures either propelled by motor or wind.
We went inside the Picasso pavillion, but once again I felt a deep sense of dislike over the fawning of every piece of a flawed character that has been elevated to godhood. I've had enough classes on Picasso to know he's not a role model. That or I just find cubism to be impossibly ugly. A truely inventive way of making a shit thing to look at, I'll give it that. I'd rather stare at a blank wall than see another fractured dopey-eyed woman with her tits hanging out. Get real.
A real treat, however, was to see in person one of yayoi Kusamis outdoor crochet playground scultpures, filled to the brim with children playing, as per the artist's wishes. Her story is impossibly sad and frustrating, but at least in her later and successful years she made colourful works intended to delight and inspire children. Seeing the work I studied in school was a delight, but I also felt a sense of hollowness about the works around me that seemed to confirm that the way of art is simply not for me. Being immersed in masterworks just didn't really move me in any particular way. But no path seriously considered is a diversion, I don't regret that endeavour in the slightest. Pysanky for me and art for myself, thank you very much.
After the gallery it was time for lunch. For such an illustrious town there aren't a ton of places to eat, I think most get fed at their hotels. With how hilly it is in hakone, there can't be a lot of foot traffic. We had two groups of Japanese people boggle at us riding bicycles, and doubly boggle at the fact we had ridden them into hakone. Then nearly fall over when we said we'd been biking for nearly two months and would be getting all the way to Hokkaido. Why japant? One man asked. He understood when we responded that it was safe.
Food was a katsu set meal, delicious and deeply homemade in a small restaurant with room for ten. When we leave a place and see a line waiting, it always fills us with a smug satisfaction. The food didn't feel like quite enough, but it was enough to get us moving.
To get to the lake, our next stop, we had to go over a hill and down the other side. A nearly 400m hill, pretty rough. The grade wasn't terrible, but the grind felt endless. We passed the time cracking jokes we honed on our last international trip, to Ireland. Silly jokes about bogs and odd monuments and such.
Bryce found a nice shrine for us to visit and after a wrong turn, I derailed the mood a bit by being over caffeinated and anxiously second guessed what we were doing. The shrine was indeed lovely though, a red, nearly purple shade that contrasted very well with the green copper roofs and gold accents. At the water's edge was a torii gate in the water, which we viewed at a distance as a long snaking line of would be Instagram influencers were waiting for their turn to have the perfect picture under the torii gate. We've seen bigger.
We both felt we didn't get enough to eat at lunch, so we wandered around till we found a Sichuan place selling spicy ramen. The soup was mediocre, the broth thin and one-note, but the noodles were nice and the ambiance charming. We decided that camping up on the mountain ridge that was on our route to Tokyo would be fun, so we left to find provisions. The only grocery store in the town we found ourselves in, and indeed anywhere before we'd camp was convenience stores. Bryce wanted to cook something, so we'd have to get creative.
The stores were packed with people and unusually peppy service folks who made a point of greeting every single person with non stop "Irashaimaseeeeee" with long droning sounds that got under Bryce's skin and drove him mad. Still, we found a variety of frozen foods that we could assemble into a filling and relatively healthy dinner.
Biking up the remaining distance to the near level ridgeline heading south from Hakone, we saw that camping might be a bit of a challenge up here. Who would have thought that roads on top of mountains might not have a lot of level, grassy areas for camping that are not well used or visible from the road? Still we had a splendid time evaluating disused roads, bits of pavement long since abandoned, crappy hotels and barred off hiking paths. What a weird place we found ourselves in. Eventually we came across an area that had tall fields of grassy vegetation with paths cut into it, some leading to the base of powerlines. This would probably work. Hiking up one path we found a reasonably flat section that was screened from view by the head-height bamboo. Perfect.
And the views! I was hoping we'd find a spot with a view and I was not disappointed. For the low price of free, we could stand up and see the wild mountainsides, towns tucked between folds of the mountain, the glittering water and Tokyo far in the distance. Soon we'll be there! After struggling mightily to push our bikes up to our camping spot, we hiked further to get to the top of our hill and see the rest of the area from above. We found markers on the path, but to indicate what? Turning around and looking about, there was a strip of this purposely treeless land with a wide trail cut through snaking over the mountain tops. My best guess was a prefectural border, which seemed to line up on the map. But why the specificity and the delineation? Why the deforestation? I just don't get it.
After a lovely dinner of rice and veggies and bits of meat, we set up our tent and crawled in, quite chilled. It's cold up here and a cold day, besides. We haven't had to use our cold weather sleeping gear for some time, but tonight we will. We're expecting a good sleep as a result, and I'm very tired. Tomorrow is a big biking day, and we'll be heading into one of the biggest cities on earth. Wish us luck.

I am feeling pretty good about this roster...

Quarterbacks (3)

1. Josh Allen 2. Mitchell Trubisky 3. Shane Buechele
The Bills head into another year with a pretty decided quarterback room. Allen is the unquestioned leader of the franchise, and now he’ll need to take on a different form, working with a top group of pass catchers who haven’t been together long. Allen must raise the level of play from the young players surrounding him. Trubisky enters the year as the backup. As soon as the Pittsburgh Steelers released him, the Bills were the odds-on favorites to land him because of how complimentary general manager Brandon Beane was of Trubisky when he became a free agent in 2022. The team likes Buechele, but whether they’ll have a 53-man roster spot for him is the question.

Running backs (5)

1. James Cook 2. Ty Johnson 3. Ray Davis 4. Darrynton Evans 5. Reggie Gilliam (fullback)
After bouncing back from being benched, Cook enters his third season as the unquestioned lead back on the roster with a giant gap between him and either Johnson or the rookie Davis. Cook should continue to push toward some of the heaviest involvement the Bills have seen in recent years out of their top back. Johnson returned on a one-year deal and provided spark. His game is more like Cook’s, so he’ll likely have a game day role when Cook needs a breather. The Bills hope Davis, their fourth-round pick, brings what they’ve wanted to add to the group for years — power and short-yardage ability. It’s unclear how significant Davis’ role will be, but there’s a world where he jumps Johnson on the depth chart before the season begins. Don’t be surprised if wide receiver Curtis Samuel mixes into the backfield as well, given his history with offensive coordinator Joe Brady when they were with the Carolina Panthers.

Wide receivers (10)

X1. Keon Coleman Z1. Curtis Samuel Slot1. Khalil Shakir 4. Mack Hollins (X) 5. Justin Shorter (X) 6. K.J. Hamler (Z, Slot) 7. Andy Isabella (Slot) 8. Tyrell Shavers (X, Z) 9. Quintez Cephus (X, Z) 10. Bryan Thompson (Slot, Z)
Even after using their top choice on a wide receiver, this group is the weakest in several seasons. Out of their top four, the only player the Bills have who has worked with Allen in the past is Shakir, and he might not have a ceiling higher than a No. 2 or No. 3 receiver. The Bills will need Coleman or Samuel to step up in a big way besides Shakir. Coleman has a lot of potential, though asking a 21-year-old to produce in a way he never has at a higher level of football seems like asking for too much, too soon. The depth is an issue, with a journeyman veteran, Mack Hollins, as their top reserve and nothing but big question marks afterward. This wide receivers group looks primed for another addition before the 2024 season. After the draft, Beane shot down the notion of trading for a big-name receiver. However, they could still pick up an experienced receiver just hanging around in free agency when June rolls around.

Tight ends (5)

1. Dalton Kincaid 2. Dawson Knox 3. Quintin Morris 4. Tre’ McKitty 5. Zach Davidson
With an unproven receivers unit, Allen might need to depend on Kincaid to pick up a hearty amount of slack to keep the offense moving the way they want it to. It depends on their vision for him in 2024. The Bills moved away from heavy usage of 12 personnel early in the year and mostly settled into 11 personnel. If that’s the plan again this year, how the Bills divvy up snaps between Kincaid and Knox will be interesting. Knox likely knows a reduced role is on the way, though he is a favorite of Allen’s in the locker room, so it remains to be seen how much he’ll be on the sidelines. Morris returns as the third tight end and a core special teams player. He has the edge on McKitty and Davidson for the likely final tight end spot on the 53-man roster.

Offensive tackles (7)

LT1. Dion Dawkins RT1. Spencer Brown 3. Ryan Van Demark 4. La’el Collins 5. Tylan Grable 6. Richard Gouraige 7. Travis Clayton
The Bills enter the year with the most confidence they’ve ever had in their starting offensive tackles. Dawkins had one of his best years in 2023 and signed a contract extension, and Brown put together a fantastic second half of the season and, should that continue, looks like a hit of a third-round pick from the 2021 class. That didn’t stop the Bills from investing in the position in some capacity. Van Demark returns as the favorite for the backup swing tackle job, and the Bills have every incentive to continue developing him as they have three more years of roster control on him (ERFA in 2025, RFA in 2026). Collins’ best years are behind him, though he can provide good depth at tackle and guard. Grable, a sixth-round rookie, likely needs to beat veteran interior offensive lineman Will Clapp for a spot on the 53-man roster this year. The Bills can stash Clayton on the practice squad as a part of the International Pathway Program.

C1. Connor McGovern LG1. David Edwards RG1. O’Cyrus Torrence 4. Sedrick Van Pran-Granger 5. Alec Anderson 6. Will Clapp 7. Kevin Jarvis 8. Tommy Doyle
If you’re looking for a sneaky competition this summer, the interior offensive line might provide it. McGovern will be a starter, though where he lines up could depend on how he performs at center in camp and whether Anderson or the fifth-round rookie Van Pran-Granger make a push to start by outperforming Edwards. Van Pran-Granger played center throughout college, and Anderson can play at left guard or center. We might see several line combinations mixing and matching at those two positions. The likeliest outcome is they head into the season with McGovern and Edwards as starters, see how they perform, then reassess a month into the season. Clapp needs to earn his spot on the 53-man roster after the Bills picked two offensive linemen on Day 3 of the draft. He might be best suited for one of their veteran practice squad spots.

Edge rushers (7)

LE1. Greg Rousseau RE1. A.J. Epenesa 3. Von Miller 4. Kingsley Jonathan 5. Javon Solomon 6. Casey Toohill 7. Kameron Cline
Rousseau enters the campaign as their top defensive end. They already picked up his fifth-year option, which was an easy decision for them, but they’re getting to a point where they’ll need to decide if they are investing a second contract in him. Now that Leonard Floyd is gone, it would be in their best interest to keep Rousseau on his most natural pass-rushing side, the left, after putting him on the right side for most of his snaps last year. Epenesa helps because he’s a natural right-side rusher and looks primed to be the starter this season. In what could be his last year with the team, Miller will likely cede starting snaps to Rousseau and Epenesa and be a rotational rusher unless he shows he is the same player as before his torn ACL in 2022. Jonathan and Solomon have legit claims to the 53-man roster, and Toohill is likely on the outside looking in. Like receiver, this position still feels light, so don’t be surprised to see a spring or summer addition to round out their rotation.

Defensive tackles (6)

3TDT. Ed Oliver 1TDT. DaQuan Jones 3. Austin Johnson 4. DeWayne Carter 5. DeShawn Williams 6. Eli Ankou
There are no questions atop the depth chart with Oliver and Jones. They are two of the best players on the roster. After them, the Bills hoped their group of rotational defensive tackles would realize their potential over the last two years, but it never happened and was a constant weakness. They needed a refresh. So they let Tim Settle, Jordan Phillips and Poona Ford walk and brought in Austin Johnson and the third-round rookie Carter as the top backups behind Oliver and Jones. Williams could stick, though his contract makes it easy to cut him and likely bring him back in a practice squad role. The current odds are that they only keep four with this group this year.

Linebackers (6)

WLB1. Matt Milano MLB1. Terrel Bernard 3. Dorian Williams (WLB) 4. Baylon Spector (MLB) 5. Edefuan Ulofoshio (WLB) 6. Nicholas Morrow (MLB)
The big question in the linebackers group is not who the starters will be but how soon Milano can play. The last update the Bills gave about Milano was April 18, when the linebacker was still “working through his deal” and rehabbing the injury in Buffalo. They have yet to provide a timetable for his return, though given when the injury occurred, early in 2023, the outside expectation is he’ll be ready for the season. Bernard is the starting middle linebacker again, looking to capitalize on a solid first season. The Bills likely are looking at Bernard in a leadership role this year. Williams will get every opportunity to win the primary backup job, though he was rough around the edges as a rookie. Spector will battle him for the top reserve role while being a locked-in special teams contributor. The Bills could choose to keep six linebackers this year as usual. But if they need to clear a spot for another position, it will be between Morrow and the fifth-round rookie Ulofoshio for the fifth and final spot — with Ulofoshio likely getting the benefit of the doubt.

Cornerbacks (7)

Boundary 1. Rasul Douglas 2. Christian Benford 3. Kaiir Elam 4. Ja’Marcus Ingram 5. Kyron Brown
Nickel 1. Taron Johnson 2. Cam Lewis 3. Daequan Hardy
The Bills likely are intent on figuring out the future of their boundary cornerbacks group during the 2024 season. Douglas is a starter but only signed through the end of the season. Benford likely will be the other starting cornerback again and is signed through 2025. But the big question is Elam. That’s whom they need to find out about the most during the year. Elam’s fifth-year option for the 2026 season is due in May 2025. If he proves himself to be more than a flashy yet inconsistent player in his third season, the 2022 first-round pick will have a solid opportunity to start opposite Benford in 2025. But if he continues to do more of the same in practice, preseason and regular-season opportunities, it wouldn’t be a surprise for the Bills to try to reach a one-year extension with Douglas. All options are on the table. The Bills could also add a low-cost veteran as their fourth boundary cornerback this season. At nickel, Taron Johnson is one of their best players, and Lewis or the sixth-round pick Hardy will be his primary backup. Lewis usually practices with the safeties, so we’re not counting him at cornerback for the roster numbers but at safety.

Safeties (6)

1. Taylor Rapp 2. Cole Bishop 3. Mike Edwards 4. Cam Lewis 5. Damar Hamlin 6. Kendall Williamson
This position seems entirely up in the air, though considering their investments, the Bills would like it if Rapp and Bishop took hold of the starting jobs in the summer. Rapp seems the safest bet to be on the first team through the spring and summer. It would not be surprising if the Bills gave Bishop, Edwards and Lewis a chance to earn it with the top unit in practice. Hamlin looks like he’s on the outside looking in on the roster this year. The Bills’ trading him at some point before the season would not be a surprise, either.

Specialists (4)

Kicker: Tyler Bass Punters: Sam Martin, Matt Haack Long snapper: Reid Ferguson
After a one-year hiatus, it looks like we’ll have a return of the #Puntapalooza (!), with Martin getting some competition from Haack and possibly from a reported undrafted rookie punter. If there are indeed three punters heading to Bills training camp, a new stopwatch will be heading to the Buscaglia residence.

Saw this question on the residency subreddit and figured I’d ask it here!
At my current ICU, there’s only one central monitor at the nurse’s station. There are no cubbies or work stations to sit outside your patient’s room, so everyone sits at the nurse’s station. I like being able to watch my patient more closely. And even sit away from the nurse‘s station, idk
Visitors can stroll into the unit whenever. It’s not badge operated. I liked how at my previous hospital, visitors had to enter through a family waiting room and sign their name at the front desk. Especially if it’s a new admit and we need time settling the patient before visitors arrive.
Inside the rooms, there isn’t a spot for a visitor to sleep overnight. Not even a couch that folds out into a bed. Recliner chairs are also hard to come by. This may be a good thing to some people, but sometimes it helps for that one patient who needs a familiar face or voice.

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Welcome back to this write-up about a complicated artist's complicated book.
Don't be absurd, of course you have time!
Part 1 Part 2
Now that we've established what the book is about, let's take a look at The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls' rich publication and re-publication history. I promise, it's more scandalous than it sounds.

“HER SPEECH IS NOTHING, YET THE UNSHAPÈD USE OF IT DOTH MOVE THE HEARERS TO COLLECTION” (HORATIO, ACT IV SCENE 5)

As I've mentioned in the last installment, TAFWVG has been released multiple times, in multiple editions – four of them, to be precise. And I wish I was exaggerating when I say that three of those four releases have been veritable masterclasses in testing your audience's loyalty. In case you're wondering: the secret is to alter your source material in strange and unpredictable ways, while also constantly messing up on the customer service front.
Most of this installment condenses and combines these two excellent write-ups, which contain most of the receipts: TAFWVG: A History / The Bloody Crumpets: An Inconsistent History. 🔍 Anything that isn't sourced with links is in there.
It turns out there are good reasons why most fiction authors don't do real-life inserts so overtly – but in EA's case, it did make sense, and was warmly embraced by fans upon release. When the book first came out, some of these people had been familiar to the fanbase for years, frequently appearing in candid pictures on EA's blog and leaving comments on the forum; some were also involved in her music and show. Recognizing that one character's name was a pun on So-and-So's username was a nice Easter egg for veteran fans, and newcomers got to learn about fandom lore; it brought the story to life and the community closer.
One side character, for instance, was named after EA's best friend from Chicago, whom many fans had had direct interactions with: she co-ran EA's online stores during the Enchant years, and acted as admin, main moderator and EA-liaison of the forum throughout its near-decade of existence.
One crazy girl who thinks she's a pirate is 100% OC... but her description and illustrations 🪞 were explicitly modeled after pictures of Bloody Crumpet Vecona (one of EA's back-up performers), who became the first stand-in pirate character 📺 in the live show. Captain Vecona was also celebrated as the “Asylum Seamstress” 🪞🔍: most of the iconic early Opheliac costumes were her design. She had a following of her own, even prior to touring with EA, for her professional costuming work and her collaborations with German photographer Angst-im-Wald. (Shitty archive link, sorry - most of those badass photoshoots seem to have been lost to time. But if you were a European goth in the mid-2000s, search your old hard drives: I promise you, you've downloaded some of those pictures.)
Inmate “Veronica”, a cabaret girl diagnosed as a nymphomaniac, was a doppelgänger of her namesake, burlesque dancer Veronica Varlow 🪞 – the ride-or-die Crumpet, whom EA often lovingly called her “husband”, saying they had been lovers in a previous lifetime. Veronica was part of every single tour post-Opheliac release and developed a solid fanbase of her own, which she maintains to this day.
Even the brave and well-mannered talking rats (oh yeah, there's talking rats in the Asylum story) were named after EA's real-life pet rodents, who had featured in glamorous photoshoots. (Slight NSFW for sideboob.)
You get the general gimmick by now: EA turns her personal life into art, which she turns into a fictional world, which she then prompts the audience to inhabit with her. The whole Asylum concept was essentially an open invitation to self-insert parasocial fanfic: “Here's this very personal world that I've created, in which I, the artist, exist as a fictional persona, alongside all these quirky inmate characters that you've seen in my stage show, and who are avatars my real-life friends. Come on in, make it your home, and populate it with your own zany Victorian alter egos.”
And it worked, to an extent: like I've said, most fans were on board before they'd even read the book, and the Asylum became “real” in that sense.
But it can get a bit disorienting to find your place in a fantasy world, when said world keeps changing based on the author's shifting feelings about her story, her target audience, and her friends... plus, you'd love to read the book, but the darn thing still hasn't shipped.

ROUNDS 1 & 2: THE HARDCOVERS

~A MINOR ADJUSTMENT~
TAFWVG was first teased in spoken-word bonus tracks 🎤 on a 2007 EP. In spring 2008, EA started reading excerpts from her upcoming book at live shows. Early excerpts from the Asylum narrative featured a character named “Jo Hee” 📺; in the story, she is a cellist from “the Orient” (love that Victorian geography) and Emily's childhood confidante.
In real life, Lady Jo Hee, Center of Happiness, was the OG Bloody Crumpet. 📺 She had been there since from the very first Opheliac show in Chicago in 2006, accompanying EA on the electric cello – the only instrumentalist ever featured in the line-up besides EA herself.
In August 2008, Alternative Magazine ran a feature about the upcoming book.🔍, teasing some of its pages. Fans were quick to spot a very sisterly picture of EA and Jo Hee 🪞, borrowed from a fan-favorite photoshoot of the two. (An aside: this specific picture also became famous in the fandom for another reason. At some point, someone made an edit replacing Jo Hee with Amy Lee from Evanescence; for a while, it kept making the rounds in alt/goth internet circuits, casual onlookers kept getting excited about it, and Plague Rats kept having to step in and disappoint them.)
Anyway. For reasons undisclosed by either party, Jo Hee quietly left the Crumpets after that tour, never to be mentioned again.
By the time the book came out in late 2009, the character of “Jo Hee” had been renamed “Sachiko”. (I guess it didn't matter whether the one non-white character in the story was meant to be Korean or Japanese.) Jo Hee's face had been edited out of the (still clearly recognizable) photograph, and eerily replaced with Nondescript_Asian_Woman_023.jpg from Shutterstock.🪞
You'd think that the switcheroo would have raised more eyebrows, or at least some awkward chuckles, among fans of an artist whose better-known lyrics include “If I Photoshop you out of every picture, I could / Go quietly, quiet - but would that do any good?”. Yet to my knowledge, it did not. Possibly because, by the time people got around to reading the book, some fans had been waiting for their copy longer than Jo Hee had been a Crumpet.
A ROCKY RELEASE
Although the book seemed just about ready for publication at the time of those 2008 readings, the initial release was delayed by technical difficulties (some data had been lost during the editing process). And then delayed some more when, a year later, EA cancelled the US leg of a tour and slammed the door on Trisol, accusing the label owner of exploitation and embezzlement (he was allegedly selling fake tickets to her shows on a phony website). In August 2009, she signed over to The End Records, and we were back in business, baby!
Not only was The Book on its way to the presses, but the long-awaited release would coincide with a “Deluxe” re-issue of Opheliac, with new cover art and bonus tracks. For $100, you could pre-order the “Ultimate Book/Album Collection”, which included the revamped album, the book, a t-shirt, a tote bag, a recipe booklet and some bonus digital downloads, to be shipped in October. Or, for a more up-close-and-personal experience, you could purchase a VIP bundle for her upcoming shows in the fall: $50 plus ticket price would get you the book, a swag bag, and a meet-and-greet. (VIP tickets were capped at 20 slots per show; from what I gather, informal interactions with fans at the merch table were becoming overwhelming on previous tours. Again: fast-growing audience.)
Alas, due to printing issues this time, the making and shipping were soon pushed back to December. VIP ticket-holders were assured, at the start of the tour, that their copies would be shipped first as soon as the books were printed, with handwritten dedications from EA. Purchasers of the “Book/Album” bundle would receive theirs shortly thereafter. This seemed like a reasonable trade-off for a minor delay, and no one was too upset. (Well, some might have been, but at that juncture in Asylum history – for reasons that will become apparent in a later installment, when we get to EA's altercations with her fans – I guess they knew better than to get mouthy about it.)
The bundles came first... and in many cases, “bundle” was a generous term, because they arrived incomplete. When the t-shirt or tote bag weren't missing, they were printed the wrong colors. Many digital download codes had to be requested via email. The book itself was beautiful, but poorly bound, typo-ridden, and missing entire pages. (This was largely fixed in the second hardcover release.)
As far as I know, everyone who complained to the distributor got their money back – and I imagine it was a nice surprise when some items showed up, inexplicably, months after they had already been refunded. But it was still a bit of a “sad trombone” moment for many loyal fans, who had to request a refund on the Ultimate Super-Cool Preorder Exclusive Bundle to purchase the book and album separately.
As for the VIP package books, those didn't start shipping until late 2010 – a whole year after the official book release, months after less invested fans had already received their non-preordered copies. Worse: none of the books were signed, much less lovingly adorned with a personalized handwritten note as EA had promised. (And had tweeted about doing during the year-long shipping delay!) After enough fans meekly expressed their intense disappointment, EA's BFF-forum-admin mailed out signed bookplates that people could stick in their book in lieu of a personalized autograph. No real explanation was given. As far as I know, this particular let-down didn't cause a mass exodus of disappointed fans – but, in the midst of other goings-on, it certainly contributed to eroding many fans' trust in EA's word.
EA TAKES ON HOLLYWOOD
The 2011 release of the largely-identical second edition was better planned and overall uneventful, which gives me time to catch you up on contemporaneous events – like the reason EA ditched the Opheliac red and went platinum blonde. 🪞
Around that time, EA got herself a supporting role and a solo number 🎵📺 in The Devil's Carnival, Darren Lynn Bousman's psychocircus-themed movie musical. (If you're scrambling to place the name: depending on what kind of deviant you are, DLB is either the guy who directed half of the Saw movies or the guy who directed Repo! The Genetic Opera.)
If you've clicked the last link: see the bad boy greaser she's dancing with at the end of the song? That's the titular “Scorpion”, played by Marc Senter, and they were totally hitting on each other while shooting this. 📝🪞 They've been an item for twelve years now, in what appears to be a loving and mutually supportive relationship, and they seem besotted with each other. That's only marginally relevant to the story, but it's nice to know that at least one nice thing worked out in all this mess.
Back to 2011. Through her friendship with DLB and the Devil's Carnival cast (a motley crew of top-shelf B-listers 🔍 that included Bill Moseley, Paul Sorvino, the chick from Spy Kids, and the clown from Slipknot), EA also made a bunch of new industry connexions. That's how she came to decide that TAFWVG was meant to be more than a book, more than a live show: it had to become... a musical. Full company, full orchestra, big names, the works. Her 2012 album, Fight Like a Girl, was written and recorded with this project in mind, with most songs narrating events from the book and EA singing as various characters – which turns love duets into finger food for Dr. Freud. 🎵
Shortly before the album release, EA announced on Twitter that the Asylum Musical was scheduled to debut in the London West End, under the direction of Bousman, in 2014. "Casting calls to be announced soon!" (They were not.)

ROUND 3: THE AUDIOBOOK

2014 came, and brought... another TAFWG re-release announcement.
But wait – this time, it was going to be an audiobook! EA had been teasing one since before the original release, so people were quite excited. (It also sounded like a more achievable goal for the calendar year than a West End debut.) In early 2014, recording was well on its way, and the 6-CD boxset was due to ship in May.
PLEASE STAND BY, YOUR ASYLUM WILL BE PROCESSED SHORTLY
First, EA discovered “a new microphone ... that, upon testing, produced a recording of far greater beauty and expressive quality”, which naturally meant the whole thing had to be re-recorded. Two month's delay. No biggie. Our girl is a perfectionist.
But our girl also had to write, coordinate and rehearse her upcoming “Asylum Experience” – an afternoon-long interactive theater event, directed by Darren Lynn Bousman, which would be performed at five dates of the Vans Warped Tour in August. (It's not exactly the West End, but it's a start! 🔍) And then she had to prepare for the filming of the Devil's Carnival sequel in the fall. So, obviously, the July deadline was not met. When she finally gave an update in late 2014, the ETA was basically “we are ever so close, but the audiobook gets there when it gets there; feel free to ask for a refund if you're not along for the ride”.
And then she signed with a literary agent. TAFWVG was going to be made into a “real” book, that readers could purchase in stores for a normal price and request from their local library – big event! (More for EA, I think, than for her fans. By that point, the second edition could be purchased as a PDF, and I believe most people who pre-ordered the audiobook had already read the story.) But this involved tailoring the narrative to a more general audience, which meant portions of the book had to be re-written... which meant further delays.

...Besides, and let’s have a teacup of “honesty time” here, if the new Asylum becomes an internationally best-selling novel, not only can we enact more change for good, but the Asylum Musical takes over Broadway faster, the Asylum Movie takes over theatres faster, and YOU are all dressed up as rats/inmates in said movie, you guessed it, faster (“Asylum Audiobook Announcement from EA”📝)

Well, you know what they say in show business: if you can't make it in London, there's always New York.
As EA assured her fans, their patience would be rewarded with a brand new, professionally polished version of the story – and in due time, I guess, a role in the movie. (“Let's hope she doesn't find another new microphone!” 🐀)
From that point on, there seems to have been an ever-widening gap between EA's enthusiasm and fan expectations. When audiobook snippets 🎤.mp3) were released, many fans were unimpressed by the oddly flat, overproduced recording (turns out a microphone can be so good it's a problem! 🐀), which highlighted EA's stilted, uncanny diction and not-quite-transatlantic accent. That caught everyone off guard, because she didn't use to read like... that. Even die-hard apologists had to concede through gritted teeth that, tragically, it was giving William Shatner. (If you're curious, you can find more previews here 🎤📝, along with EA's captions.)
Fans weren't just getting irritated with the various delays and excuses: they were baffled, angry, and embarrassed. When EA clapped back “U know U can just get a refund, right? That is totally within your power to do” on social media, and it came out that requests for refunds had been getting ignored for weeks or months 🐀, seasoned fans were like “Yeah, that tracks.” The whole never-ending ordeal was just starting to feel silly.
All told, the audiobook took two years to complete, with little to no new music in the interim. Two years is a long time for a young-leaning audience! Fans who had preordered at the end of their sophomore year were graduating high school by the time it came out. Others who had been in the middle of undergrad were now looking for full-time jobs. People had gotten pregnant, given birth and potty trained, or had houses built from the ground up. Genuine ultra-fans of the book had had time to... presumably, read other books. (“I wonder how many people passed away waiting for this shitty audiobook to be finished?”)
When the audiobook came out, many long-time Plague Rats had defected, either lamenting the misguided decisions of their favorite artist, or just calling EA a money-grabbing fraud and a lying liar. And a number of patient and unbothered fans had, quite simply, grown out of their EA phase.
Your humble servant, for one, ordered the audiobook the week it went on sale, and stuck with that preorder through five address changes and two graduation ceremonies. Now, bear in mind: through all the ups and downs, even as the charm dispelled, my taste in music evolved, and my perception of EA herself changed, I never formally stopped considering myself a fan. (Mama didn't raise no quitter.) To this day, and to my profound embarrassment, I give enough of a shit that I'm taking the time to write this story at all, and that I was able to draft most of itfrom memory.(Mama didn't teach me how to prioritize.) Well, get this: I have never once listened to the audiobook. I remember unwrapping the signed boxset (minimal artwork, flimsy cardboard, no liner notes), thinking “this could have been an email”, telling myself I'd get around to it for old time's sake... and then I never did, because it was ten hours long, and I just couldn't force myself to care about that story anymore. I was not an isolated case.
In light of this, I apologize in advance for any potential errors in the following paragraphs; others listened so posers like me wouldn't have to 🔍, and I'm going off of their word. The new and improved edition was, indeed, a different book – in that a bunch of things that felt meaningful to fans had been either reworked or excised.
THE AUDIOBOOK EDITS
The hospital narrative had been shortened in favor of the asylum story, and the controversial “Drug / Suicide / Cutting” diaries had been scrapped. Part of the fanbase applauded this decision, but others were disappointed 🐀, as they had found the diaries to be the most (some said only) personal, authentic, and insightful chapters in the book.
Curse words, some abuse, and all mentions of abortion had also been purged. It made the book tamer, but not by much... because Emilie's age had been changed from 27 to 17. Apparently, the literary agent had suggested this to make the book more marketable to a Young Adult audience. No other biographical detail had been altered, so the main narrator was now a 17 year old girl with no parents but an established music career, who checks in by herself into a high-security adult ward, no questions asked. (I'm still perplexed by this one. Did they not expect YA readers to know how hospitals work...?)
The pirate captain, formally known by her “mass of tangled black hair”, was now... a blonde. According to EA, this was a purely aesthetic change: it made the three main Asylum girls a redhead, a blonde and a brunette, which would look better in the stage adaptation. Between the lines, it also distanced the character from its original dark-haired muse: Vecona, who had left the Crumpets in 2008 after a rumored falling-out with EA over unpaid costume work.
The minor characters based on EA's old Chicago friends had been discarded entirely. Which likely made sense for EA – she hadn't lived there in years, the friend group had drifted apart as friend groups do, and by that point, there no longer was an EA forum to administrate or comment on – but not so much for her readers. Some fans had grown fond of these fictional inmates (wasn't that the point?), and weren't too happy to see EA symbolically treat them as disposable. Others were saddened that EA would just scrap these remnants of her old life, and of what felt like simpler, happier times in the fandom. Either way, children, this is why you shouldn't get a neck tattoo of your first boyfriend's name, OR openly base the “good guys” in your career-defining book on friends you made in your early twenties.
To compensate for the loss of... most named inmate characters, Veronica was given a much more prominent role in the plot. Namely, instead of being best friends, Veronica and Emily were now... in love! Lovers! Lesbian lovers! Which naturally meant that Veronica had to die. 🔍 Besides, fans famously love it when you pull a gay ship out of thin air between your two main characters, and then kill one of them off so that the other suffers more.
One last one, because I find it especially goofy: a scrappy teddy bear named Suffer, given to Emily by the talking rats, was replaced with...a Very Large Spoon, which gets its very own number in the musical. 🎵 The rationale was that Emily could use the spoon as a weapon in the climactic uprising against the Asylum doctors. Which, fair enough... except that, prior to being a cute and anachronistic 🔍 MacGuffin in the fictional Asylum story, Suffer the Bear had been a beloved mascot🪞 from the early Opheliac live shows. Some still remembered when EA had raised HELL, even starting a #FREESUFFER campaign on Twitter, because she thought someone had stolen Suffer from the stage (it later turned out that he had been misplaced in a flight case). All that noise back in the day... and now Suffer didn't matter anymore? The nerve. “She made shirts and everything!” 🐀
All this to say, reception was lukewarm. EA hadn't performed live since 2014 and the Devil's Carnival sequel had failed to make a splash (despite decent reviews, the franchise and main collaboration fell apart before the end of the promotional tour 🔍). People were checking out. There was only one way to correct this. A true paradigm shift. A fresh start – a new theme?
Hell no. It's another edition of The Asylum for Revisionist Tortureporn Friendfictions!

ROUND 4: THE E-BOOK & THE QUEST FOR THE SPOON OF ROYALS

In 2017, about a year after the audiobook release, EA self-published a digital version of TAFWVG through Amazon. The literary agent hadn't worked out in the end: publishers were put off by how dark the book was, even after the audiobook edits. EA explained that she hadn't been comfortable with some of the alterations in the first place; she respected the agent's input and had tried to give it an honest shot, but in the end, she wanted to do it the way she wanted to do it, solo... and this was it.
EA had reverted a number of the audiobook cuts (including swear words, mentions of abortion, and the narrator's age), but kept most of the changes to the Asylum narrative – namely, the omission of Former Friends Characters, and the romance between Emily and Veronica. In the newsletter announcement, she mentions being in the process of “re-recording the few little bits of the audiobook to reflect the current text version”. Not sure where we're at on that front; it's never been brought up again, and I don't think anyone's checked. (I assume most fans had war flashbacks when they read the word “re-record”, and instantly repressed that part of the communiqué.)
The “Drug / Suicide / Cutting” diaries were still omitted in the first release of the e-book, but re-included as a coda soon after, by popular demand, under the title “Evidence of Insanity” – with fantastical “doctor's annotations” like“W14A seems to have disassociated her own identity, episodic, each lasting for a longer period of time. We suspect she will continue further in this – stronger medication is needed, schedule electroconvulsive therapy.”
A physical paperback edition was released a few months later; in anticipation of this, the e-book was a stripped-down, text-centric version of the story. (Honestly not a bad call, because the digital version from 2012 was a scanned, non-searchable, 1.3GB PDF behemoth – not super Kindle-friendly!) No elaborate backgrounds and color photographs in this edition, but the pages were still illustrated with inserts of rats, keys, teacups, and... hold on... ciphers??🪞
As always in the Asylum, history doesn't repeat itself, but it rhymes. In a throwback to the prelapsarian days of the Enchant Puzzle (remember? the one that no one ever managed to solve?), the e-book illustrations contained puzzles, which formed the master-key to... a scavenger hunt! And in keeping with tradition, the grand prize was an extravagant adornment hand-crafted by EA: the “Spoon of Royals”.🪞📝 Oh my!
Some of the puzzles are simple anagrams that can be solved for keywords. A clickable word within the adjacent text takes you to a password-protected link, which takes you through to an audio file – a song or an atmospheric instrumental that goes with that moment of the story. There are also more complex ciphers that decode into riddles. Each key depicted in the book has a number or letter engraved on it. The total number of rats in the book is apparently significant. One link takes you through to a blank page whose source code contains a list of coordinates from various bridges around the world.
Oh, it was a whole thing. When the book came out, you could send a picture of you doing EA's signature “rat claw” hand sign🪞 to request admission to a private Facebook group (the “Striped Stocking Society”) where people could help each other solve the clues and EA would occasionally pop in for a chat. There was also a series of mysterious newsletters in early 2018, culminating in a Los Angeles event where EA showed up in person to pass on extra puzzle-solving material to a handful of lucky fans (although said material raised more questions that it answered 📝).
Overall, it was a great idea! Although the fanbase was generally smaller and less active after four years without a new tour or album (and a fair amount of other drama, which we have yet to get into), the e-book puzzle did pique people's interest in purchasing yet another version of the same story.
Unfortunately, once again, EA overestimated either how intuitive her fans were, or how invested they would remain. After months of collaborative efforts across multiple platforms, a number of puzzles had been cracked 🔍, but it was still unclear how the individual anagrams and numbers and riddle-solutions all fit together as scavenger hunt clues.
EA kept up the hype for a while, but the few hints that she gave on social media only revealed yet more encryption factors without really helping fans connect the dots. One cipher remained unsolved on Instagram for days and days before EA caved in and hinted at which key to use. She did helpfully specify that if you didn't know how to read music, you'd better start learning. (...Was this a fun puzzle, or a prep school admission test?) The in-person LA event had also sown some confusion as to the rules and constraints of the game: would winning involve traveling to a physical location? That didn't seem very fair. EA had mentioned physically burying some items – but could you solve the puzzle from a distance? Is the Spoon of Royals literally just buried under the Shakespeare Bridge in Los Angeles, California?? 🐀
I'm just saying: if this had come up in 2008? People in corsets and platform boots would have been out there digging.
But this was 2018. As we've mentioned, the core of EA's active fanbase (a lot of whom had been teens and young adults when she was touring Opheliac) was fast aging out of the years when most folks have the spare time, dedication, or desire to essentially do super-involved homework out of love for their favorite singer. Uncovering new songs was a fun perk the first year – but after the new album came out in 2018, none of the passwords led to exclusive material anymore. It felt a bit lacklustre for something so labor-intensive.
(The new music itself wasn't a rallying point either. Behind the Musical was, quite literally, an intended vocal guide for the Asylum musical – so, basically a collection of demos. The sound was VERY Broadway Revival, somewhat Phantomish 🎵, in a way that's either good or bad depending on who's saying it. The violins, to fans' chagrin, sounded all-MIDI; no sign of actual instrumental recordings. EA sang all the parts herself, as she had on her previous album. I'm not saying there's no merit in a one-woman Andrew Lloyd Weber tribute. Many old fans enjoyed the new material well enough, some even really liked it – but most agreed that it just didn't hit like her earlier stuff used to, and that it felt rather unfinished.)
Unlike with the Enchant Puzzle, the prize itself was not much of an intrinsic motivation. While the Faerie Queen's Wings were a straightforward concept that evoked EA's own signature stage costumes, the Spoon of Royals was... a large spoon attached to a necklace, community-college-art-teacher style. It looked impractical both as a spoon and as a necklace, and more importantly, I'm not sure how many readers felt a deep emotional connection to the spoon in the story. The spoon that had usurped Suffer the Bear, no less!
In short: people gave up on the game because it was too hard, it came too late, and they had other things to do.
Thus, the Spoon of Royals remains unclaimed to this day, and I doubt I'll see anyone crack the puzzle in this lifetime. The Striped Stocking Society FB group was terminated in 2020, around the same time a bunch of fansites folded and EA closed her Instagram comments for the first time. By that point, both EA and her fans had bigger rats to skewer – but we have a ways to go before we reach that part of the story.
I would encourage you to give the puzzle a shot for the hell of it (in case you're a cryptography nerd and currently under house arrest or in a full-body cast) but... I just tried a bunch of the links, and the passwords don't work anymore. So I guess that's that. To quote old Bill by way of conclusion: “Much ado about nothing”.

ROUND TOO-MANY: I'LL SEE YOU ON BROADWAY OR I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL

So, what now? Well, not much.
By the late 2010s, what kept many fans semi-invested – if nothing else, because it clearly meant so much to EA herself – was the prospect of an upcoming stage musical adaptation. The way EA talked about it 📺, it was very much a “when”, not an “if”. Sure, ten years on, we were still collectively stuck in the Asylum, but it would at least be a new format – and a return to EA's main field of expertise, ie songwriting and performing. Not only did the core fanbase long for new music and new shows, but Fight Like a Girl and Behind the Musical had brought in small influxes of new fans who were very eager for any chance to see her live. So whether it was out of genuine enthusiasm for the project, or out of “let EA have her musical so we can maybe finally move on”, the fanbase was overall supportive.
Even though people still joked about the 2012 announcement of a “2014 West End debut” (seriously, what was she thinking?), EA had really buckled down in the intervening years, and it looked like the project was plausibly well underway. As in, we had more than just EA's word to go on: the involvement of other people, who did not reside in the Asylum, seemed to confirm that the musical was a thing.

[CONTINUED IN COMMENTS because Reddit is being ridiculous about the character count. I swear I was under 40,000!]

[A VERY NORMAL DAY IN SOUTH KOREA]
Uiho:Yatatata,It is good day to be not dead.
bullet sfx POW!
Jeongsu:You are dead!
Uiho:I am dead!
Jeongsu:Hehehehehe...
sees a walking Seongjun
Jeongsu:Ah shucks...
Seongjun gasps
Seongjun:UIHO IS DEAD?!
Uiho:Yes..I am dead.
Uiho's head is sticking in the ground
Seongjun:Why is Uiho dead?
Jeongsu:I dunno...
Uiho:I think it was-
SHHH
Jeongsu/Seongjun:You are dead.
Uiho:Okay.
rapid excavator noises
A brown van appears and there appears Yuseong Jin
Yuseong:What's up you w***rs!Who's up for a-
sees Jeongsu and Yuseong mourning dead Uiho
Yuseong:Ah what the bloody hell just happened?!
Jeongsu/Seongjun:Uiho is Dead.
Yuseong:Uiho is Dead?!
Seongjun:Correct!
Yuseong: =D
The three is now witnessing the dead Uiho in a bathtub
Seongjun:So did you see the murderer?
Yuseong/Jeongsu:Nope,sorry mate.
table smack
Seongjun:I will find him...I will capture him and no one will ever die again.
Yuseong and Jeongsu claps
Yuseong:Ah,well that's nice
Jeongsu:Damn I'm proud right now.
Taeil Choi appears
Taeil:ATTENTION!UIHO IS DEAD!
Seongjun:We know...
Taeil:Who killed him?
Seongjun:We don't know..
Taeil:I will find clues!
Taeil sniffs the ground until he finds a not so suspicious glock
Taeil:What's this?A weapon?That thing is why Uiho is Dead..
Yuseong/Jeongsu/Seongjun:UIHO IS DEAD?!
Taeil:Yes!HE DIED!
Yuseong,Jeongsu and Seongjun gasps like they are in a three way movie
Ambulance noises is heard
Junho:Incoming!!
Taeil:Ah-!
The ambulance hits Taeil,as Junho Yu steps outside in the ambulance
Junho:Raus raus,Move now!
Junho kisses Uiho in his forehead
and slowly Uiho begins to float in a ascending way
Uiho:Haha Uiho is-
SPLAT!
Uiho is Dead to no surprise
Junho:In my medical opinion,UIHO IS DEAD!
Yuseong:Doc what happened?!
Jeongsu and Seongjun are playing rock paper scissors
Junho:My professional opinion?UIHO WAS KILLED!
The three panics on who killed Uiho
Junho:I don't think it's anything to worry about...
Yuseong:Well?Now what?
Minsu Kim appears
Minsu:Clippity clip mother****rs boom!
Minsu points towards the sitting Uiho
Minsu:Look at this,Uiho is Dead.. What do you think of that eh?
Seongjun:Yes yes Minsu...
Minsu:Yeah?
Seongjun:GO HOME!
Minsu's mom is somehow in the corner driving a car
Minsu:Oh come on!Freaking unbelievable seriously you all suck-
Those were his last words until they ended up in a car crash
Seongjun:Let's get back to the point.
Uiho pokes Uiho with a stick
Uiho:I think Uiho is Dead..
Everyone else:Uiho is Dead?!
Junho notices the crash
Junho:Minsu I will heal you-
BOOOM!
Uiho:Seriously?!Who killed Uiho?!
chug chug chug
It's Jiwon Ahn
Jiwon:It was me.
GASP
Jiwon:Yes...I did it like this.
Jiwon shoots Yuseong with a gun into his throat
Jiwon:Whoop pe doo!
Yuseong's faint sound was heard until he died,Leaving both Jeongsu and Seongjun traumatised
Jiwon drinks an alcohol
Jiwon:That's a joke lads.
Uiho,Jeongsu and Seongjun laughs it out
Jiwon drinks again
Jiwon:It was hi...burp him!
Jiwon points towards Jeongsu
Jeongsu and Seongjun gasps
Jeongsu:How did you know?
more drinking
Jiwon:I didn't..burp that was a joke too.
He continued drinking until he died of liver failure,Jeongsu laughs menacingly to straight up batshit insane
Jeongsu:That's right,It was me!
Seongjun:You monster!
Uiho:But why?!!
Jeongsu points with both hands to Uiho
Jeongsu:Cause you are fat boy,And another thing you're ugly.
Uiho:Jeongsu stop,You are so mean!
The two continued to argue until Seongjun looks towards the reader and wrote something
IT'S TRADITION
Uiho's head turns comically huge
Uiho:JEONGSU!
Jeongsu:Aw damn it,Uiho f**k off!
Jeongsu rests in a table with his hands to his head
Jeongsu:You are dead..
Uiho:No you!
BANG!
Jeongsu dies in a ragdoll way
Uiho:You are dead...Not big surprise...
Seongjun looks towards the rope
Seongjun:Well that was idiotic..Off to h**g myself.
He flips
Seongjun:Watch and lear-
And he dies,Now that leaves Uiho Jeong as the last survivor
Uiho:I am alive...This is nice...Yes this is stupid.

In a closed dimension

The Ouroboros Warrior watches in a dumbfounded manner and wishes he hadn't seen such waste of time
"Well that's a waste of 2 minutes and 50 seconds..."Jeongsu Park? said in utter disbelief
(I accidentally erased the draft and now I do this crap,This is stupid-)

I am not, in fact, dead. I am actually alive! Yes, this chapter took a while, but story of Krekos continues, less chickens today but somehow no less broken birds. Don't worry, we'll return to the chickens soon enough. For now, I just hope you enjoy~
Big thank you to NoP community for being great!
Also, obviously, big thanks to SpacePaladin15 for creating this universe and allowing fanfiction well to flow free!
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Memory transcription subject: Krekos, Krakotl Refugee
Date [standardized human time]: May 5th, 2137
I took a step out of the human ‘therapist’s office and out into the lobby and slowly breathed in. I have done it. I have endured almost an hour of time alone in room with a stranger predator without visibly panicking while also answering their incessant questioning. It was surprisingly tame, in the end, and I expected it to be worse for many different reasons.
I suppose I have to admit, idea of some equivalent of Predator Disease science among sapient predators was something I entertained since as early as I have just learned about the arxur. It always made sense to me that a sapient bloodthirsty monster would have ways of finding those who show empathy, kindness and other traits naturally inherent to prey species. Of course, voicing those thoughts got me screened for PD myself at the time, probably because it was rather weird for a hatchling in early school years to think so much about predator society, but results came back clear and I discarded the stupid thoughts at the time. Yet with arrival of the humans and their own society, I found out I was correct.
While on the ride to the session with Lena, I took the time to learn a bit more using the internet and found out that humanity did have its own medical science of the mind, and apparently they found different ways of solving the issues related to it. The methods that we use appear outdated to them, because they last used them two centuries ago! I suppose it’s far from first time a species develops radically ahead in one field, while staying behind in others, just look at zurulians. And yet, before I could learn more details about modern practices of that science, I was already in front of the office with promise to be picked up in three hours.
I was prepared for the screening, shoving away any empathy I had into far corners of my mind, channeling the small figments of rage and frustration forward and, of course, trying to imitate some sense of bloodlust. Except it seems like this was not a session that thorough, because instead of being screened, I was just interrogated about my past. I can only assume it’s the whiplash from what I was expecting to the mundanity of what happened that led to it feeling so easy, compared to last time I was being interrogated. And she didn’t even ask any strategic questions, although that’s likely due to the fact that with war already won by humans, there is no point in it.
Instead Dr. Cathaway asked more about what I’m ‘worried’ about. Obviously, I didn’t mention anything related to my natural instinctual fear of being around humans, but she picked up on that anyway. I don’t think she once looked directly at me throughout the time of the session, which was extremely welcome when it comes to human interaction. And because I wasn’t stupid enough to talk about how I mostly wanted to go back home and as far away from humans as possible for rest of my life, I talked about the more mundane worries that wouldn’t make me seem undesirable to keep around. Like concerns I have about chickens. Not the predator stalking them, or the bullying among them, moreso their... General existence. And also concerns about my upcoming attempt to restart my education.
It was surprisingly easy to talk to a human when they’re not constantly staring you down and actually react to your body language. Lena did mention this therapist worked with other refugees, but I did not expect a human to be able to grasp it. By the end of the session I almost forgot that doctor was a human at all.
And when the hour was up, she said she was glad I opened up. Did I? I don’t think I did. Maybe I should have been less talkative because she promised to be more ready for next time and have something prepared just for me. I wonder what she could mean. Bringing proper brain scan equipment? I doubt that, our further sessions were to be done remotely after all, it was in-person only for the first one. Maybe she caught onto me not saying everything? But I am very good at hiding information behind veil of meekness, I was certain.
And that brings me to now, standing in the lobby and coming to terms with reality of what I just went through and how... easy it was. Just sitting down and having a chat with a predator. If I had some doubts about it before, by now I could certainly qualify as someone sick with Predator Disease anywhere else within Federation.
Or what’s left of it anyway. It’s all run by humans now.
Pushing aside thoughts of living in the post-war world, I stepped outside the therapist’s building and onto the street. It wasn’t too busy thankfully, but even the few humans walking about their business almost instantly turned their heads towards me the moment I was outside.
The upside of having superior peripheral vision is being able to spot all of the humans staring at me. The downside of having superior peripheral is being unable to avoid looking at humans staring at me. One of them actively bared their teeth as they walked past me, expression in clear angered scowl, making me scamper out of the way. To avoid gathering any more unwanted predator attention, I start walking towards my next destination, doing my best to ignore the fact that any human that’s not staring down into their device is staring directly at me with furrowed brows and a sneer.
I quickened my pace, suppressing instinct to take flight. While it would not break any human rules for me to take to the sky, back when I still lived at the refugee camp, I was advised strongly against it due to how much attention I could draw. Although I’m not too sure it can get much worse than the attention I am receiving now...
They are all eyeing me up like they want to kill me. Not without a reason.
There is a reason that I am to meet Lena later. Both of us had our own business here in town after all. She needed to buy some supplies in preparation for her son’s arrival, while I, in addition to the first visit to the therapist, needed to take a visit and register in-person at the camp for my application to proceed. I don’t understand what is it with humans and needing to personally stare someone down before they are willing to deal with you. First the therapist insisting first session must be in person and only later ones being online, then filling out online application for education only to be asked to do that again physically. Actually, is it a predator thing, or is it just a primitive thing? I think I heard something about yotul strongly preferring in-person dealings over remote too.
“Out of the way, shitbird!”
Sudden yell snapped me out of those thoughts, as I remembered where I was and scampered out of the way of the human in front of me. The street had more than enough space, this one could have just stepped to the side... But I guess that’s not the point to make here.
The point is that you’re not welcome.
The human kept the eye contact as they kept walking down in opposite direction. I could hear them muttering something that sounded like human curses, but the sound was too incoherent for my translator to pick up. Abandoning my musings about cultural aspects of primitive societies, I focused on the road, intent on giving any further humans along the way a wider berth.
That’s what they warned me about when I still lived at the camp and why the only time I stepped foot outside of it was when I was responding to the job offer. That I personally would likely be a target for harassment and shouldn’t be alone. Well, not like anyone at the camp was willing to escort me even if I had wanted to explore the town. And while Lena and Reginald showed willingness, they were busy and it’s not like I could ask them unless it was already along the way, like today was for Lena.
The rest of the walk was thankfully devoid of more human run-ins, although definitely not devoid of every human passing by shamelessly staring me down. Any sense of calm I felt after meeting with Dr. Cathaway was as good as gone by time I reached the administrative building by the refugee camp.
The receptionist, surprisingly but thankfully, was a venlil who dismissively pointed me down the hall. I found the correct office quickly, but seems like there’s already a bit of a line there. Waiting outside of it in one of waiting chair sat a gojid, tapping idly at his holopad to pass time. I was glad for non-human company even if experience told me this isn’t likely to be the friendliest interaction, so I sat next to him. He, in turn, only acknowledged me for a moment before his spines bristled in frustration and he returned his attention back to his device.
Still, I knew I was safe from more physical forms of harassment while here, so I decided to push my luck. After all, if he’s here, he must be part of the education program too. I wonder what sort of course he’s going for. Well, I should try the conversation at least.
“Uhm. Good day. My name is—”
“I already know your name, deserter,” gojid responds with an aggressive grumble in his voice. Well, this isn’t off to the best start.
I suppose he’s one of the ones that supported extermination, if he’s calling me deserter and not traitor? And it kind of makes sense that I’d be known at the camp. It was mostly the gojid that decided to stay for one reason or another even after there were new settlement opportunities provided. There were also a few people from other worlds that opposed humans, like tilfish and harchen. But krakotl? I was the only one, and it was made clear to everyone that I’ve gone through human justice system and came out clear.
But I wasn’t going to give up on small talk so easily.
“Then you have me at disadvantage...” I trailed off, waiting for him to give me his name.
“...Bakir. What’s it to you, Krekos?”
The way he said my name was almost dripping with contempt. I felt temptation to stop attempting friendly talk, but this is first time I’ve seen a non-predator in weeks, and being able to chat even with unfriendly face was something I’ve been craving for a while.
“Nice to meet you, Bakir! I just wanted to get to know you you. We’re both in education program, so we could end up studying together. It’s good to know potential fellow students.”
Gojid’s spines visibly twitched. I found myself sinking into my feathers as I realized I was pushing a bit too hard.
“I fucking hope not. Listen, I get you’re trying to act all friendly, but I simply don’t care. I’m glad I wasn’t in one of the camps on other side of the world that you lot vaporized along with the human cities,” Bakir put his pad aside and started leaning towards me, actively staring at me head on, like a predator would, as he continued and pointed his claw at me, “and while humans may say you personally are innocent, I don’t believe it. Whatever lies you told those gullible false predators won’t work on me, got it, krakotl?”
I simply twitched my tail, along with a nod I picked up from human gestures to indicate my understanding. I never lied, but I doubt he’d care either way if I were to try pointing that out.
“Great. Now shut up and let me wait in peace, you—”
“Bakir, are you picking fights again?”
In my focus on the gojid, I didn’t notice the office door opening and someone stepping out of it. Said someone being another gojid, a woman, who now was looking at Bakir with frustrated look.
“What? He kept acting all friendly! I had to tell him off!” Gojid man responds, trying to excuse himself.
The gojid woman eyed me with clear suspicion before grabbing Bakir by the arm and leading him off.
“You should have just ignored him, what if you got in trouble? How will we stay together if your application gets denied for behavior?”
Bakir simply let out a frustrated grumble and led his mate? lead him out of the waiting room. Wait, out? Was he not next in queue then?
Oh. He was probably just waiting for her to be done. I see. That means I’m next. I hop off the chair and enter the office.
As expected, it’s a human. I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up after seeing a venlil receptionist.
“Oh. It’s you...” The human instantly seemed disappointed as he clutched his forehead. “Come on in, have a seat, Mr. Krekos...”
I followed the order silently, sitting in clearly less elaborate chair across from the official’s desk.
“Alright. So. I won’t lie, I hoped that once you moved in with that family I wouldn’t have to deal with you but I was wrong. Medical education program, correct?”
“Uh... Yes. Once I am signed up, you won’t have to see me again though, right?”
The human grumbled.
“God, I wish. And don’t get me wrong, I know of your acquittal, but believe me when I say this, the security concerns around your constant presence are going to be my continuous headache for years to come,” he said as he started tapping something on his keyboard.
“I don’t cause any trouble. I... I never wanted to be a part of it...”
“I’m not talking about security measures against you. I’m talking about your security. Do you know how many calls I had redirected to me today about potential ‘loose war criminal’ in town? Way too many. But nevermind that. So. The program. So far we’ve got three classes shaping up, engineering, social sciences and medical. And there’s single-digit participant count in each. You’re in luck because three out of five medical course participants are from the local camp, the others will relocate here and you won’t have to move or study remotely.”
“That’s... good? Are they all also...”
“Yes, they’re all aliens too, it’s all about easing you guys in with alien-only classes. To see how your education compares and how we should approach integration in future. Anyway...” he pulled out a piece of paper as well as a pen, pushing it towards me, “Your waiver. Sign it and you’re in.”
I wasn’t stupid enough to sign it blindly, so I took out my visual translator. Human rolled his eyes in exasperation, but didn’t say anything so I ignored him as I actually read the clauses of the document. And... it seemed normal. It explained that I’d be enrolling in special nonstandard class, that I’d be obliged to be respectful to all classmates and educators regardless of their species, extra clauses regarding forbidding anti-predator rhetoric... Basically don’t insult the humans or else you’re out. Got it.
Pen was a bit annoying to pick up with how thin it was compared to Federation average writing implement, but once I had it, I quickly put my signature down. The moment I was done, the human official snatched the piece of paper away from me and put it into a small stack on table behind him. I assume that’s Bakir’s and his mate’s waivers there.
“That’s that. You’re free to go, I’ll send details to your email or whatever it is interstellar version of it is called when we have concrete schedule, but we’re looking to start about two weeks from now. On the way out, tell the next person out there to come in if there’s any.”
“W-Wait!”
Before the human could return to tapping at the computer, something inside me compelled me to speak out. He actually looked back at me in surprise too, like he didn’t expect that. To be honest, neither did I, but I guess now’s better time than ever...
“I... needed to ask something. I didn’t know where, or who to ask, but... I h-heard there were... More cattle releases. From the... a-arxur. And... my father was on Nishtal when the raid happened, s-so...”
The human sighed, dipping their head. Oh, Intala, I am stupid to ask them that, of course they don’t care and want nothing to do with it.
“Give me a minute. Your biometrics are already in the database, so it should be a quick thing to look it up.”
Huh? Wait, is he actually looking it up? Is it as easy as tapping a few more keyboard buttons?
“...sorry to say, no close DNA matches among the entries that we have. I will say it’s possible there are still people not yet put into database, or even medically processed, so I’ll put a notification in for if matches show up, but I wouldn’t get your hopes up. I’m sorry for your loss.”
...it was a vain hope anyway. I even basically accepted his death already anyway, why did I even ask? I knew it, I knew he’s been killed and torn apart and devoured by the arxur just like we deserve for all we have done.
“I see. Th-thank you.”
I get down from the chair and step out of the office, not even glancing at the human at the desk again. I still don’t even know their name, but it doesn’t matter. I accepted it. I am not torn up about it unlike him.
With that done, my business is finished. Checking local time, I still have a bit to go before I am supposed to meet up with Lena again, so once I am out of the building, I just begin wandering the streets. Getting lost isn’t among my concerns thanks to navigation applications on my pad and I could use something to distract my thoughts. And my thoughts trying to push in would, in turn, distract me from constant gazing of predatory eyes. It just works out like that.
As I walk down the street, I avoid actual eye contact with humans staring me down, instead actually looking around the town. Architecture is surprisingly nondescript. It’s definitely no Federation urban center, but with a bit more technology and cleanliness, it could pass as a decent town on a world of one of less influential species.
There was even a park! A park! A year ago the idea of a predator relaxing in a park would have been completely laughable. Now I was wandering into a park made by predators, for predators, to relax there myself. Or try to at least. Despite there being no predator eyes constantly staring down at me among the pathways, there were other reminders of my bleak situation. Such as all the trees being so alien. Sure, the shape was tree-like and colors were close, but one look in detail and it’s clear those are not trees from home. Some are too short, others have wrong leaf shapes, bark color is just off...
And then there’s the birds. Krakotl cities don’t usually have birds living there, but over today I’ve seen these small blue-grey birds all over, flying around, sitting on power lines, scavenging near trash cans. Completely unafraid of predators all around, with said predators just passing by, ignoring the stupid prey in turn. Birds back on Nishtal always took off at first sign of anything larger than them. It’s basic survival instinct. Though I should know by now, that on this planet, birds don’t really have that.
You included.
In my idle musings, I wound up walking deeper into the park, following the direction I saw a small group of town birds fly. Curiosity to see where they were flying was leading me on, and although I was tempted to take flight myself now that there was nobody looking, I suspected doing so would change that and draw attention. Streets weren’t that far away, after all.
Following general direction of the small group I saw fly earlier led me through the park pathways to a small opening, a circular area lined with benches, though only one was occupied. A single human sitting on the bench and at his feet there was an entire flock of the town birds. The human seemed to be holding a plastic bag containing a loaf of some sort inside. Regularly, human would reach inside and take out a piece of that loaf, crunching it up with their spindly fingers and throwing it down into the chaotic mass of birds for them to eat. Scene was bizarre, to say the least, though not too unlike what I’ve experienced at the cattle farm.
Whenever food is there for those bloated beasts is present, they swarm it ravenously, even though it’s clear they are not starving, eager to fill themselves to excess. I was concerned that they were being rationed and kept weak when I first learned that I should only give them a specific minimum amount of food twice a day, but after seeing their reactions to it, how much they keep gorging on the pasture, and how obese they get even with the limited nutrition, I believe it is correct to prevent those things from getting more food than necessary. Maybe it’s because they were kept for their egg-laying that they weren’t allowed to keep gorging? I imagine any creature being kept to harvest its flesh would be allowed to fatten itself up for sake of predator’s hunger.
Even now, this man was herding these birds together, feeding them as they fought and shoved for crumbs of the loaf. I suppose it makes sense that parks, places where peaceful animals can have refuge in what is otherwise a bustling city, would be a place where predators can raise cattle in an environment where it can thrive. Even now I could see more birds flying in, gathering around for the feeding. Maybe that’s why they are tolerated on the streets, because they haven’t been fattened sufficiently.
“You want some?”
Human growling snapped me out of my musings and forced me to realize that I’ve been standing out in the open as I observed and contemplated the scene. Abruptness of coming back to reality did affect my ability to respond articulately.
“Huh?”
“You were standing there staring at me feeding the birds for a while, and while I’m not good at reading alien expressions, you did seem enraptured. So, uh...” the human took a large rectangular chunk of the loaf out and outstretched it in my general direction, “do you want some?”
He... He sees me as one of the meat birds!
“I’m not one of your cattle!” I yelled, not caring for agitating it. I had to make it known that I was one of the accepted ones.
The human stared at me for a bit before starting to laugh with its barky noises.
“Hahah... You thought that? Hahaha... God... You guys... Never... Hah! The weirdest! Hahaha!”
He just kept laughing and laughing, as my fear was replaced with confusion and then frustration.
“What’s so funny?!”
“You aliens... Hah... It never gets old. You think I’m raising pigeons for meat? Really? God... That’s just... Hahah...” Human takes some time to wipe his face and recover from the laughing fit. “No! Of course I’m not. They’re pigeons! Who eats pigeons? Oh, well, maybe French—Actually I shouldn’t say that but—Uh. Answer is no. They’re not my birds and I’m not feeding them for meat.”
While I had many questions in regards to things the human just said, I decided to get answer to the main one before proceding further.
“Then why are you feeding them? For someone else to eat?”
“No! I feed them just to feed them. They don’t get much to eat just scavenging scraps and trash, so I just. You know. Occasionally feed them. Especially when bread gets a tad stale and I don’t want to eat it, but also don’t want to let it get moldy.” He took another piece out and crushed it in his hand, before throwing the crumbs to the birds. Indeed, that was human bread I grew familiar with over my time with Lena and Reginald, not fresh, but far from bad. “So. You want some?” he asked again, shaking the large piece he offered me again.
I hesitated. Refusing a gift offered was considered very rude in many cultures, and it clearly was just human bread. I had it before, it’s nothing too special. So, with healthy dose of hesitation, I approach the human’s outstretched hand. As I come closer, the flock of dirty birds at my feet splits and moves further away, though remaining focused on pile of crumbs. So they have some semblance of avoiding creatures larger than them. It just only applies when they are in grabbing reach. I could just lunge and take hold of a few right now! What stupid birds.
Why am I thinking about that? It’s predatory.
Once within reach, I extend my wing and grasp the piece of loaf with a claw. It was just slightly crusty. I’m pretty sure Lena once ate a loaf that was crunchier than one I was handed. Perhaps it’s a different type of bread from one she usually used?
The human gave a few slaps to the spot on the bench beside him. My legs were rather aching from excess of walking I did today. Krakotl were built for flight after all. Still, when I hopped onto the bench, I did it on the very edge, perching as far away from the human as possible. Once my legs felt relaxed, I turned my attention to the bread in my wingclaw.
“Don’t worry, it’s just a bun, I heard bread’s safe for you. I always buy brioche in whole packs, but I keep getting a lot and then not eating any. And once they’re no longer soft and fresh they’re no good for me, so I feed it to the birds,” human explains, crushing up more crumbs and tossing them in front of him to celebration of the hungry flock. “Guess today it’s not just pigeons though,” he adds with a laugh.
It really does seem like normal piece of bread and looking at where it was torn from larger loaf, I don’t see any pieces of flesh embedded in it. After a bit of hesitation I took a peck. The taste was... not great. It had a clear bitterness to it, though it was disguised by what otherwise was normal flavor of bread, if sweeter than what I’m used to. Yeah, sweeter yet more bitter bread. Perhaps some humans enjoy the bitterness?
“Heh, I knew it’d work for ya. Worked for those guys,” the human happily kept tossing more and more crumbs to the birds. “Name’s Bob by the way. What about you?”
“...why are you doing this?” I asked, incredulous at the attitude this human is showing.
“Well, if you mean asking you, it’s because that’s a polite thing to do, ain’t it? And if you mean feeding the birds... Well. It feels nice. I know some of you guys still aren’t really accepting it, but we do feel bad when we see others struggle. Empathy and all.” Human takes a pause, looking at the swarming birds. “And yeah, krakotl and whatnot. I heard that there is one at local shelter, and if you were there, well. You’re not one of the bad ones, I bet.”
Empathy and all... He is just feeding them because they struggle to feed themselves within the city. Not because they are useful or delicious. I went past several small flocks of these birds today and the only things I felt were contempt at their stupidity and disgust at their visible lack of hygiene. Even animal should know how to groom itself, after all. And not once have I felt any strong pity towards them, despite it being obvious that in this predator-filled town, they probably survive only on meager scraps from their tables, with no vegetation to be seen outside this park.
Why didn’t I feel pity? Why didn’t I feel bad for them? Am I losing my empathy? Am I more of a predator than an actual predator?
I bite at the piece of bread aggressively. The flavor is bitter, but it feels right. A feeling creature would have better food, and I scarcely qualify as one anymore. If I had any decency left, I’d ask for travel to closest herbivore world and get myself institutionalized in a Predator Disease facility for everyone’s sake. If even humans feel more compassion than me, then what am I?
A monster that shouldn’t be around people.
Bitter taste burns my throat as I swallow a large chunk and realize I’m done with the piece I was handed. Uncertain on when that happened I looked up at human in confusion. He was just smiling back at me, thankfully without showing teeth.
“Heh. I thought you’d take a while pecking that bun apart, but you demolished it. So, uh, gonna tell me your name, or?”
“Krekos.” I answer absentmindedly. Realization that this predator was showing more compassion than me was still shocking, so I didn’t process that I just gave him my name.
“Nice to meetcha! But, just to make sure, you’re a girl, right? I, uh, have the translator, but still not good at alien gender thing.”
“What?! Of course not! I am a man! Why do people keep assuming I am a woman?!”
The gall! Those humans really do lack any senses at all! How are they even predators with eyes so blind?!
“Hah! Relax, man, it’s hard to tell with birds. Plus, you’re all blue and... You know. Pretty.” The human gestures at me! Gestures!
“I’ll- I’ll have you know, majority of krakotl are blue!”
“Yeah! That’s what makes it hard. All of you look all bright and colorful. And when I see a bright and colorful bird, my brain just goes ‘girl bird’. But don’t worry, I know better now with you.”
I couldn’t even manage out a response beyond an offended squawk at that. I opened my beak, prepared to launch into a calm and reasonable explanation, but a ping from my pad interrupted that train of thoughts. I quickly checked it to see a message from Lena asking where I am and that she’s ready to pick me up.
“Finally... I’ll be going now, human.”
“Just call me Bob, but sure, bud. Ever need someone to talk to, I visit this park regularly enough. And I bring bread regularly too.”
The human waved at me as I hopped off the bench and rushed towards the park entrance, while sending the location pin to Lena.
I didn’t have to wait too long there before the familiar looking vehicle arrived. I quickly approached, escaping the stares from humans passing by. Today has left me exhausted. Just rushing to the entrance left me short-breathed and at this point all the staring made me feel sick. Idea of coming back to my little nest in the attic of the house never felt more appealing. I climbed into the back seat of her vehicle, letting myself sprawl on the soft cushions. I felt exhausted and still short-breathed.
“So, I won’t ask about the therapy, privacy and everything, but what about that visit to the shelter? Did you get approved for education program?” Lena asked, starting to drive along the streets, not even turning her head towards me.
“Yeah... They said they’ll... Send schedule soon...”
Speaking was surprisingly hard. I think I overworked myself with all the walking today. I tried to take one extra deep breath only to be sent into a coughing fit. I let it happen but after a few coughs I realized it wasn’t stopping... I tried to force myself to stop the coughs, but taking a breath inbetween wheezes and coughs felt impossible.
“You alright back there—Shit!”
I saw that car suddenly veered and even felt something lurch as Lena parked on the side of the road, but for some reason I didn’t feel like I stopped moving even after we were still. I was still floating forward, carried by my fit of ragged breaths. Vision started going blurry as I saw Lena’s huge form looming over me, having entered the back of the vehicle.
“What did you even eat? Epipen, where’s your epipen?!”
Her voice rings a bit too much in my ears as I struggle to respond between breaths.
“My... what...?”
“You had one in your—Fuck! Hang on!”
Her shadow disappeared as she rushed back into her seat. I tilted my head to look over and saw her begin driving again, as she took her communicator out. Or at least I assume that’s what she did. Everything is growing faint to see.
“I am bringing an alien over. Allergic reaction, severe, get prepped. No, I don’t need an ambulance because I’m already on the way! Just find an alien expert and be ready!”
She seems angry... I wonder why. Allergic reaction? I haven’t eaten anything weird, have I? Maybe it’s just Intala’s wrath finally striking me down for all the crimes against the teachings. I wish I actually knew them... Would be nice to at least know specific tenets I broke. All of them if I had to guess...
Lena is saying something again, but I barely hear it. I think she’s addressing me. Maybe she’s asking if she can eat me when I die? I would allow her. She’s nice enough to deserve my life.
More than I do by now.
Her voice keeps ringing, but my translator seems to no longer keep up. My lungs are on fire, and my throat keeps trying to grab more air and failing. And despite it all, I just feel weak. And tired. The edges of my vision grow dark and darkness quickly spreads, taking everything over, and delivering onto me peace at last...
[Memory stream interrupted. Cause: Loss of consciousness. Fast forwarding transcription to next point of consciousness.]
First thing I felt upon waking up is pain. Like everything inside me was stabbing everything else inside of me.
Second thing I felt upon waking up was disappointment at realization that I couldn’t even die properly. Is Intala’s smite not strong enough to overcome modern medicine?
Third thing I felt upon waking up was hunger. Intense and ravenous. I don’t remember feeling that hungry ever before in my life, to the point where for a bit I was afraid I finally awakened my predator instinct and bloodlust.
Fourth thing I felt upon waking up was queasiness. That came as result of momentary consideration that I’d have to subsist on flesh now that my bloodlust has awakened and made me feel like puking. Except, of course, I was so hungry I just gagged instead.
Finally, I dared to open my eyes and look around. Seems like a hospital, though scale of equipment makes it obvious I’m in a human hospital. I can see that it’s already dark outside through the window, and the only light is the artificial one. Other than me, there’s only one other person in the room, sitting in a chair and scrolling through her pad with what seems like anxiety in her body language. That’s Lena.
I tried to shift a bit and take a better look around without disturbing her, but moving reminded me of how much my insides hurt and caused me to let out a groan, which instantly got her attention. She, in turn stared at me, before stepping to the door and beckoning someone from outside to come in. Quickly, she was joined by another human in a labcoat. Great.
“Ah. The patient is awake. You shouldn’t try talking, just nod or shake your head for now. Well, first of all, I’d like to congratulate you, young man. If not for your host’s speed, things might have been much worse. As it stands, you suffered no permanent damage as result of the allergic reaction, although the reaction was surprisingly severe.”
The doctor paused as if waiting for me to react. I felt too tired and pained to actually think about what he said, so I just nodded.
“Alright. So, obviously, you should carry an epipen on you at all times, the shelter should provide them for free. I believe they have but you didn’t realize what it’s for? Well, now you know. You were given an IV but we can’t really feed you after flushing your digestive tract, so you’ll need to bear with it until morning. By then you should be good to go, all you really need is rest and after that, a good meal. Don’t worry, no contaminants or ‘flesh’, we have our hospital food adapted for alien—”
“So, did you figure out what caused the reactions? Another doctor said they’d run a test.” Lena interrupted the doctor’s explanation. That was surprisingly rude for someone who should know medical command chains.
“Ah, that. Best we could gather it was some bread with a ton of animal protein in it. Pretty sure it was brioche, and that has a lot of eggs in it, so—”
You did it, you committed the worst sin, you consumed something made out of eggs.
I vomited. Somehow. There were no chunks or slush, just a small drizzle of stomach acid, but I had to expel something after that revelation. Even if none of that horrific bread actually was digested by me properly, the very fact that I consumed it... I vomited again. My throat burns and my insides hurt even more, but the nausea is receding somewhat.
As I refocus my senses, I see the doctor standing a good distance away, while Lena is wiping the aftermath of my attempt at vomiting with a towel.
“I think that’s a good sign that patient needs some rest,” human doctor suggested, motioning towards the door. “Now that he’s awake, we shouldn’t have to make any more exceptions for you to stay here.”
Lena nodded at him and turned back to me.
“Don’t worry, Krekos, I’ll come pick you up in the morning. You can explain then how the hell you even got your hands, or, well, wings on that stupid bread, and you’re also definitely getting a lecture on allergy safety, got it?”
Her stern tone. She isn’t messing around. Still even if I wanted to show more submission and try placating her, best I could manage is another weak nod. My throat hurt too much.
“Alright. Have a good night and don’t agitate yourself.” Lena said, as she stepped out of the room. The doctor simply nodded at me, before turning the lights off and following after, leaving me alone in the darkness of the hospital room.
I simply did my best to not think about the egg bread or the pain in my stomach, and focus on how exhausted I felt despite just waking up. Yeah. More rest sounds nice... Even if I am laying sprawled rather than properly nested... A rest sounds nice.
...hopefully Reginald was notified of me not returning tonight and remembered to herd the cattle for the night. I didn’t care for them, but I did care for them being my responsibility.
Just another thing to fail at.
As tiredness slowly took over me, I managed to slip into sleep once more, this time without suffocating to death. Yeah, this is definitely a much nicer way to pass out... Why did I even think otherwise...?
[First] - [Prev] - [Next]

FOMC meeting summary:

• Kept interest rate steady at 5.5% in line with expectations.
• Did however, control the balance sheet to point to easing, as they will slow the pace of balance sheet run off starting in June. That’s an easier element of monetary policy for the Fed to control in short term than rates.
• Did note that in recent months there has been a lack of further progress to 2% target
• Said that whilst GDP came weak last month, the individual elements of the economy are strong
• Some weakening of labour market although it is still stronger than pre pandemic.
• Markets rose and dollar fell during conference as Powell pushed back on the possibility of rate hikes. Said that’s not on the table right now, instead the decision is on whether to hold or cut.
• Said current policy is sufficiently restrictive.
• Said that they are still data dependent looking for more confidence from the prints. Said its likely, with recent prints, that confidence will take longer than though (implicitly implying cuts won’t come till late year)
• Basically just reiterated again and again that they needed more time.
• Said that there are 3 scenarios or paths:

1. We dont yet get greater confidence from inflation prints, in which case keep rates steady.
2. We get greater confidence as inflation falls, in which case can cut.
3. We get unexpected weakening in labour market, in which case can cut.

• Said its not necessary that stronger growth must weaken to help inflation. Said supply side easing is yet to come through on inflation. That’s good and tells us that the strong economic data of late isn’t hawkish and Powell actually likes it.
• Spoke about how shelter disinflation is yet to come down.
• Said his forecast is still for inflation to come lower, but said that his confidence in that forecast is lower right now than it was.
• Said stagflation is not a risk at all.

ANALYSIS:

• How are traders taking this?
• Well overall, if we look at liquidity, we can see that traders are basically in 2 minds it seems. Liquidity not really increased or decreased since the fed meeting.
• It seems that basically traders are waiting for NFP for more clarification on exactly what to expect on rate path.
• Signs are there though that despite the dump EOD yesterday, traders aren’t taking it too hawkishly. The reason why I say that is by looking at USD.
• IF traders were taking it hawkishly, then the dump in SPX would be combined with a jump in DXY. However, DXY trades near session lows from yesterday.
• Furthermore, VIX jumped yesterday, but not very much and has now subsided back to 15.
• HY Swaps never really jumped. Again a sign traders aren’t too hawkish.
• However if we follow the data, it appears we should wait and see until NFP basically.

DATA LEDE

• Swiss inflation rate comes 1.4% vs 1.1% forecast. Previous reading was 1%. So ticks up to highest reading of the year.
• CHF popped higher on this as is hawkish for SNB
• Spain Manufacturing PMI came 52.2 beating expectations of 50.8, and comes highest of year to date.
• Good, still seeing economic recovery in Spain
• This is in contrast to what we see in Germany though. So Euro zone seeing some disparity.
• E.g Germany PMI today came 42.5.
• JOBLESS CLAIMS LATER
• US BALANCE OF TRADE LATER
• US FACTORY ORDERS LATER

MARKETS:

• SPX recovering some of the dip EOD yesterday in premarket, on Europe and China performance.
• SPX: ROse to 5095 during FOMC yesterday, then came down to close at 5015. Recovered during after hours and premarket to 5047
• NDX: Rose to 17,700 FOMC, fell to close at 17,300. 400 point drop. Has recovered 170 of those points , back to 17,470
• Ger40 flat just under 18k. Was closed yesterday, sold off on Tuesday with the US market.
• UK100 up by 0.6% to 8150.
• HKG50 up 3.6% - breaks through the 18k level which is v bullish.
• Mainland China markets remained closed for labour day.
• OIL - flat, below 80. Dropped out of the recent uptrend.
• GOLD - down 1% back below 2300 again, which is the key level.
• VIX - Not a massive move yesterday in VIX considering the EOD sell off. Peaked at 16.
• Has pared that back to 15 right now.
• VIX not showing signs of alarm at the moment.

FX:

• Dollar remains lower after Powell was net dovish overall yesterday.
• More FX intervention by BOJ overnight. Bounced off 153. Couldn’t get below the 152 level which is where liquidity is, and where they must get below.
• Suspected spent 3.6T on yen intervention yesterday.
• Yen bounced then from 153 back to 156.
• CHF higher this morning on higher inflation print.
• AUD higher this morning on ridiculously strong performance in HKG market.

EARNINGS:
ALB: Up 2% in premarket.

• EPS of 0.26 beat estimates by 0.03 (beat by 13%)
• Revenue of 1.36B was down 47% YOY, but came in line.
• Sales came in line as Energy storage volume growth increases as projects ramp up.
• Q1 delivered over $90m in productivity and restructuring cost savings.
• 50% operating rate at Kemerton I. Commissioned Meishan and is improving ramp up of Salar Yield
• SEEING SOLID VOLUME GROWTH.
• COST REDUCTIONS AND PRODUCTIVITY IMRPOVEMENTS.
• STRENGTHENED COMPETITIVE POSITION
• Full year REVENUE GUIDANCE 6.06B if LThium stays at $15. If it increase to 25, this can increase to 7.3B
• This guidance is based on 3 lithium pricing scenarios.
• One is of $15 a kg, another is on $20 and another on $25.
• Current price is $15.20
• So really, the company is doing everything they can to be hones.t They are just struggling with lithium pricing.

DASH

• Current quarter wasn’t terrible in many metrics
• Gross value of orders, jumped 21%
• Total orders increased 21% to 620M, beating estimates of 607M.
• Order value at US grocery stores more than doubled
• So was a High growth quarter.
• The problem, then was that earnings was a bigger miss than expected
• EPS of -0.06 missed estimates of -0.05
• Revenue of 2.51B was up 23% YOY, and beat by 3%
• Disappointing profit forecast for current quarter
• 325m-425M.
• Logistics and efficiency improvements. Significantly reduced average delivery time.
• Adding more items onto the platform and making technical improvements to improve delivery times
• 67% market share.
• Not yet profitable and no timeline given
• CEO says he expects EBITDA to ramp up in H2 as various investments will pay off.
• Margin improvements from Advertising business, selling sponsored placements, will increase as well as the company increases selection of items.
• Has been aggressively expanding non restaurant offerings.
• Downplayed minimum age standards for delivery drivers in NYC and Seattle. This forced them to pass on the higher fee to the customers, but they said they have seen less than 1% reduction in its orders in Q1 as those cities are v small part of overall business.
• Expects significant levels of investment in international markets.

FSLR

• EPS of 2.20 beat by 0.22 (beat by 10%)
• Revenue of 794M was up 45% YOY, beat by 10%
• Net bookings of 2.7GW with average selling price of 31.3 cents
• GUidance changes
• Kept sales guidance the same at 4.4-4.6B, on line with consensus
• Gross margins guidance unchanged
• Operating expenses unchanged
• Earnings guidance unchanged at 13-14, vs expectations of 13.6 (so slight miss there)
• Reduced CAPEX guidance
• Increased Cash balance guidance as a result of lower CAPEX
• Kept same volume guidance.
• Not bad earnings.

ENVX

• EPS of -0.31 missed by 0.02 - so continued losses, and in fact wider loss than anticipated
• Revenue of 5.3M was up based on no revenue last year, and beat by 1.25M
• Very young company, very little revenue etc.
• What they did say, though:
• They made a lot of progress towards reading Fab2 in Malaysia to begin production
• Collaborating with leading customers ahead of shipping first samples of breakthrough EX 1M battery
• Strong top line growth - outperformance due to batteries sold to IOT customers.
• Malaysia factory build out
• Taking actions to reduce cash burn including accelerating plans to identify additional efficiencies as they scale. They want to reduce fixed costs by 1/3. This will accelerate their path to profitability, they said.
• Said they are in talks with leading smartphone OEM who is excited by the product and will formalise relationships to be first using battery - this isn’t yet confirmed.
• They do however have a development agreement with 1 of the top 5 smartphone OEMs ind orld. Begun manufacturing EX1M battery cells based on that manufacturers requirement and will deliver samples in Q2.
• Said they are sending samples to 6 of the top 8 smartphones makers.
• Taking a mobile first approach to product development. Said that reason for this is that smartphone sets standard for battery tech and should allow them to translate success to other areas.
• Said they are seeing interest from leading OEMS in automotive.

QCOM:

• Raised dividend.
• GUIDANCE: which is key right now.
• • Sees revenue $8.8B to $9.6B, EST $9.08B BEAT
• • SeesQCT revenue $7.5B to $8.1B, EST $7.76B BEAT
• • SeesQTL revenue $1.2B to $1.4B, EST $1.27B BEAT
• • Sees ADJ EPS $2.15 to $2.35, EST $2.16 BEAT
• ❖ RESULTS: Q2
• • ADJ EPS $2.44 vs. $2.15 y/y, EST $2.32 BEAT
• • ADJ revenue $9.39B, +1.3% y/y, EST $9.32B BEAT
• • QCT revenue $8.03B, +1.1% y/y, EST $8.01B BEAT
• • Internet of Things revenue $1.24B, -11% y/y, EST $1.25B MISS
• • Handsets revenue $6.18B, +1.2% y/y, EST $6.16B BEAT
• • Automotive revenue $603M, +35% y/y, EST $583.6M BEAT
• • QTL revenue $1.32B, +2.2% y/y, EST $1.31B BEAT
• • QSI segment revenue $3M, -57% y/y, EST $10.7M
• • Adj. reconciling items for revenues $42M, +17% y/y, EST $39M
• • ADJ operating income $3.18B, +6.1% y/y, EST $3.09B BEAT
• Strong earnigns all round, beats across the board pretty much.

CARVANA

• Rev $3.1B vs $2.7B est
• EBITDA $235M vs $132M est
• Units sold 92K vs 84K est
• Strong results, trading up 31% in premarket, mostly result of short squeeze.

MAG 7:

• NVDA - NVDA supplier, SK Hynix’s HMB chips are basically sold out til 2025, amid strong AI demand.
• AAPL - earnings after close.
• GOOGL - lays off hundreds of core employees, moves some positions to India and Mexico
• GOOGL - GOogle paid Apple $20B in 2022 to be Safari’s default search engine.
• TSLA - rescinds internship offers amid cost cutting moves.
• TSLA m- Cantor Fitzgerald initiates at overweight, price target 230.
• MSFT - will open data center in Thailand, doubling down on AI and Asia.

OTHER COMPANIES:

• Chinese stocks jump in premarket as Hkg market pumps by 3.5%. EV companies lead this as they delivered their delivery numbers yesterday
• MPWR stock pumps on earnings - Needham reiterates price target at 800 on these tock.
• Plug - plug power secures certification in South Korea
• QCOM up on earnings
• TTD up as Jefferies raises to buy from hold with price target 105.
• AGCO up on earnings - said they are looking for new plan in Indian market
• ABNB introduces Icon category which allows people to stay at unique houses , like the house from UP, which will be lifted into the air by a Crane, and the X man mansion.
• Novo Nordisk raises guidance as Ozempic, their obesity drug, and Wegovy sales surge. Stock still down.
• U - announced that Matthew Bromberg will take over as CEO. Jim Whitehurets will be named executive chair of UNitys board, transitioning from interim CEO.
• XOM - set to close its $60B mega deal for pioneer Natural (PXD) following agreement with antitrust enforcers not to add Pioneer CEO to their board of directors.
• SQ was down yesterday as Federal prosecutors probe financial rasnactions at Block.
• TTWO - closes 2 games studios as part of wider layoffs.
• Kroger and Disney+ in talks for streaming deal. Kroger want to offer Disney+ to boost members at no extra cost.
• Shell - smashed forecasts with 7.7B quarterly profit.
• EBAy down as they signal Q2 revenue forecast to be below expectations as consumer spending remains strained for now.
• ACLS - down, even though they expect revenues in H2 to increase above their anticipated revenue guidance before.
• PAYC down - they keep 2024 outlook unchanged. 1.86-1.885B, vs estimate of 1.872B. In line with guidance.
• Q2 guidance missed the mark though which is why they are down. Q2 guidance came in at 436 vs 442M expected. So miss by 1.3%

OTHER NEWS:

• Key takeaway from FOMC was the tapering ofQT - $25B a month, means less funding ended in Q3, which means less pressure on issuing new bonds. This means yields should slide.
• After FOMC meeting, UK rate futures are fully pricing a September Bank of England rate cut.
• BTC - Investors dumped US based spot BTC ETFs at fastest pace on record yesterday.
• Likely more fX intervention by Japan. Kanda declines to say whether it was, but clearly it was. Still couldn’t break 152 though, which is the key level to get below.
• Understanding is that Japan may have spent 3.6T yen for the intervention yesterday.
• ITO of Japan suggests possible interest rate hike again to 0.5% if yen weakness drives inflation up. There is realistically still a lot we have to see before this is actually on the table though.
• BOJ minutes suggest that inflation can overshoot, says a few members.
• Points to gradual move towards policy normalisation
• Careful consideration needed. Continued aim for 2%
• Mmebers noted there will be a difference between Japan’s move and US monetary tightening.
• Yesterday’s JOLTS - THERE WERE 1.3 VACANCIES FOR EVERY UNEMPLOYED WORKER IN MARCH, THE LOWEST SINCE AUGUST 2021. So still very tight, but some loosening.
• ISM MANUFACTURING - PRICE PAID WAS WAY ABOVE EXPECTAITONS.
• US ISM Manufacturing Apr: 49.2 (est 50.0; prev 50.3)
• - ISM Prices Paid Apr: 60.9 (est 55.4; prev 55.8)
• - ISM New Orders Apr: 49.1 (est 51.0; prev 51.4)
• - ISM Employment Apr: 48.6 (est 48.2; prev 47.4)
• INFLATION UP IN ISM PRICES PAID, BUT PRODUCTIVITY DOWN in overall ISM numbers. Bit stagflationary, but note that Powell pushed back strongly on Stagflation in the FOMC meeting yesterday. Said he sees no sign of the stagnating, nor of the inflation.
• Note that ISM prices paid number was highest since June 2022.
• OECD FORECASTS:
• Sees Uk growth at 0.4% vs 0.7% previously
• Raises china growth outlook to 4.9% from 4,7%
• Cuts Japanese growth to 0.5% from 1%
• Raises US growth forecast to 2.6% from 2.1% before.
• Risks to economic outlook are better balanced now.
• US administration announces $3B to replace toxic lead pipes and deliver clean drinking water to communities across country.
• Large fire in Ukrainian port of Odesa after missile strike
• China rejects new nuclear arms control talks with US
• Worlds largest olive oil producer says industry faces one of its toughest moments ever.

FOMC meeting summary:

• Kept interest rate steady at 5.5% in line with expectations.
• Did however, control the balance sheet to point to easing, as they will slow the pace of balance sheet run off starting in June. That’s an easier element of monetary policy for the Fed to control in short term than rates.
• Did note that in recent months there has been a lack of further progress to 2% target
• Said that whilst GDP came weak last month, the individual elements of the economy are strong
• Some weakening of labour market although it is still stronger than pre pandemic.
• Markets rose and dollar fell during conference as Powell pushed back on the possibility of rate hikes. Said that’s not on the table right now, instead the decision is on whether to hold or cut.
• Said current policy is sufficiently restrictive.
• Said that they are still data dependent looking for more confidence from the prints. Said its likely, with recent prints, that confidence will take longer than though (implicitly implying cuts won’t come till late year)
• Basically just reiterated again and again that they needed more time.
• Said that there are 3 scenarios or paths:

1. We dont yet get greater confidence from inflation prints, in which case keep rates steady.
2. We get greater confidence as inflation falls, in which case can cut.
3. We get unexpected weakening in labour market, in which case can cut.

• Said its not necessary that stronger growth must weaken to help inflation. Said supply side easing is yet to come through on inflation. That’s good and tells us that the strong economic data of late isn’t hawkish and Powell actually likes it.
• Spoke about how shelter disinflation is yet to come down.
• Said his forecast is still for inflation to come lower, but said that his confidence in that forecast is lower right now than it was.
• Said stagflation is not a risk at all.

ANALYSIS:

• How are traders taking this?
• Well overall, if we look at liquidity, we can see that traders are basically in 2 minds it seems. Liquidity not really increased or decreased since the fed meeting.
• It seems that basically traders are waiting for NFP for more clarification on exactly what to expect on rate path.
• Signs are there though that despite the dump EOD yesterday, traders aren’t taking it too hawkishly. The reason why I say that is by looking at USD.
• IF traders were taking it hawkishly, then the dump in SPX would be combined with a jump in DXY. However, DXY trades near session lows from yesterday.
• Furthermore, VIX jumped yesterday, but not very much and has now subsided back to 15.
• HY Swaps never really jumped. Again a sign traders aren’t too hawkish.
• However if we follow the data, it appears we should wait and see until NFP basically.

DATA LEDE

• Swiss inflation rate comes 1.4% vs 1.1% forecast. Previous reading was 1%. So ticks up to highest reading of the year.
• CHF popped higher on this as is hawkish for SNB
• Spain Manufacturing PMI came 52.2 beating expectations of 50.8, and comes highest of year to date.
• Good, still seeing economic recovery in Spain
• This is in contrast to what we see in Germany though. So Euro zone seeing some disparity.
• E.g Germany PMI today came 42.5.
• JOBLESS CLAIMS LATER
• US BALANCE OF TRADE LATER
• US FACTORY ORDERS LATER

MARKETS:

• SPX recovering some of the dip EOD yesterday in premarket, on Europe and China performance.
• SPX: ROse to 5095 during FOMC yesterday, then came down to close at 5015. Recovered during after hours and premarket to 5047
• NDX: Rose to 17,700 FOMC, fell to close at 17,300. 400 point drop. Has recovered 170 of those points , back to 17,470
• Ger40 flat just under 18k. Was closed yesterday, sold off on Tuesday with the US market.
• UK100 up by 0.6% to 8150.
• HKG50 up 3.6% - breaks through the 18k level which is v bullish.
• Mainland China markets remained closed for labour day.
• OIL - flat, below 80. Dropped out of the recent uptrend.
• GOLD - down 1% back below 2300 again, which is the key level.
• VIX - Not a massive move yesterday in VIX considering the EOD sell off. Peaked at 16.
• Has pared that back to 15 right now.
• VIX not showing signs of alarm at the moment.

FX:

• Dollar remains lower after Powell was net dovish overall yesterday.
• More FX intervention by BOJ overnight. Bounced off 153. Couldn’t get below the 152 level which is where liquidity is, and where they must get below.
• Suspected spent 3.6T on yen intervention yesterday.
• Yen bounced then from 153 back to 156.
• CHF higher this morning on higher inflation print.
• AUD higher this morning on ridiculously strong performance in HKG market.

EARNINGS:
ALB: Up 2% in premarket.

• EPS of 0.26 beat estimates by 0.03 (beat by 13%)
• Revenue of 1.36B was down 47% YOY, but came in line.
• Sales came in line as Energy storage volume growth increases as projects ramp up.
• Q1 delivered over $90m in productivity and restructuring cost savings.
• 50% operating rate at Kemerton I. Commissioned Meishan and is improving ramp up of Salar Yield
• SEEING SOLID VOLUME GROWTH.
• COST REDUCTIONS AND PRODUCTIVITY IMRPOVEMENTS.
• STRENGTHENED COMPETITIVE POSITION
• Full year REVENUE GUIDANCE 6.06B if LThium stays at $15. If it increase to 25, this can increase to 7.3B
• This guidance is based on 3 lithium pricing scenarios.
• One is of $15 a kg, another is on $20 and another on $25.
• Current price is $15.20
• So really, the company is doing everything they can to be hones.t They are just struggling with lithium pricing.

DASH

• Current quarter wasn’t terrible in many metrics
• Gross value of orders, jumped 21%
• Total orders increased 21% to 620M, beating estimates of 607M.
• Order value at US grocery stores more than doubled
• So was a High growth quarter.
• The problem, then was that earnings was a bigger miss than expected
• EPS of -0.06 missed estimates of -0.05
• Revenue of 2.51B was up 23% YOY, and beat by 3%
• Disappointing profit forecast for current quarter
• 325m-425M.
• Logistics and efficiency improvements. Significantly reduced average delivery time.
• Adding more items onto the platform and making technical improvements to improve delivery times
• 67% market share.
• Not yet profitable and no timeline given
• CEO says he expects EBITDA to ramp up in H2 as various investments will pay off.
• Margin improvements from Advertising business, selling sponsored placements, will increase as well as the company increases selection of items.
• Has been aggressively expanding non restaurant offerings.
• Downplayed minimum age standards for delivery drivers in NYC and Seattle. This forced them to pass on the higher fee to the customers, but they said they have seen less than 1% reduction in its orders in Q1 as those cities are v small part of overall business.
• Expects significant levels of investment in international markets.

FSLR

• EPS of 2.20 beat by 0.22 (beat by 10%)
• Revenue of 794M was up 45% YOY, beat by 10%
• Net bookings of 2.7GW with average selling price of 31.3 cents
• GUidance changes
• Kept sales guidance the same at 4.4-4.6B, on line with consensus
• Gross margins guidance unchanged
• Operating expenses unchanged
• Earnings guidance unchanged at 13-14, vs expectations of 13.6 (so slight miss there)
• Reduced CAPEX guidance
• Increased Cash balance guidance as a result of lower CAPEX
• Kept same volume guidance.
• Not bad earnings.

ENVX

• EPS of -0.31 missed by 0.02 - so continued losses, and in fact wider loss than anticipated
• Revenue of 5.3M was up based on no revenue last year, and beat by 1.25M
• Very young company, very little revenue etc.
• What they did say, though:
• They made a lot of progress towards reading Fab2 in Malaysia to begin production
• Collaborating with leading customers ahead of shipping first samples of breakthrough EX 1M battery
• Strong top line growth - outperformance due to batteries sold to IOT customers.
• Malaysia factory build out
• Taking actions to reduce cash burn including accelerating plans to identify additional efficiencies as they scale. They want to reduce fixed costs by 1/3. This will accelerate their path to profitability, they said.
• Said they are in talks with leading smartphone OEM who is excited by the product and will formalise relationships to be first using battery - this isn’t yet confirmed.
• They do however have a development agreement with 1 of the top 5 smartphone OEMs ind orld. Begun manufacturing EX1M battery cells based on that manufacturers requirement and will deliver samples in Q2.
• Said they are sending samples to 6 of the top 8 smartphones makers.
• Taking a mobile first approach to product development. Said that reason for this is that smartphone sets standard for battery tech and should allow them to translate success to other areas.
• Said they are seeing interest from leading OEMS in automotive.

QCOM:

• Raised dividend.
• GUIDANCE: which is key right now.
• • Sees revenue $8.8B to $9.6B, EST $9.08B BEAT
• • SeesQCT revenue $7.5B to $8.1B, EST $7.76B BEAT
• • SeesQTL revenue $1.2B to $1.4B, EST $1.27B BEAT
• • Sees ADJ EPS $2.15 to $2.35, EST $2.16 BEAT
• ❖ RESULTS: Q2
• • ADJ EPS $2.44 vs. $2.15 y/y, EST $2.32 BEAT
• • ADJ revenue $9.39B, +1.3% y/y, EST $9.32B BEAT
• • QCT revenue $8.03B, +1.1% y/y, EST $8.01B BEAT
• • Internet of Things revenue $1.24B, -11% y/y, EST $1.25B MISS
• • Handsets revenue $6.18B, +1.2% y/y, EST $6.16B BEAT
• • Automotive revenue $603M, +35% y/y, EST $583.6M BEAT
• • QTL revenue $1.32B, +2.2% y/y, EST $1.31B BEAT
• • QSI segment revenue $3M, -57% y/y, EST $10.7M
• • Adj. reconciling items for revenues $42M, +17% y/y, EST $39M
• • ADJ operating income $3.18B, +6.1% y/y, EST $3.09B BEAT
• Strong earnigns all round, beats across the board pretty much.

CARVANA

• Rev $3.1B vs $2.7B est
• EBITDA $235M vs $132M est
• Units sold 92K vs 84K est
• Strong results, trading up 31% in premarket, mostly result of short squeeze.

MAG 7:

• NVDA - NVDA supplier, SK Hynix’s HMB chips are basically sold out til 2025, amid strong AI demand.
• AAPL - earnings after close.
• GOOGL - lays off hundreds of core employees, moves some positions to India and Mexico
• GOOGL - GOogle paid Apple $20B in 2022 to be Safari’s default search engine.
• TSLA - rescinds internship offers amid cost cutting moves.
• TSLA m- Cantor Fitzgerald initiates at overweight, price target 230.
• MSFT - will open data center in Thailand, doubling down on AI and Asia.

OTHER COMPANIES:

• Chinese stocks jump in premarket as Hkg market pumps by 3.5%. EV companies lead this as they delivered their delivery numbers yesterday
• MPWR stock pumps on earnings - Needham reiterates price target at 800 on these tock.
• Plug - plug power secures certification in South Korea
• QCOM up on earnings
• TTD up as Jefferies raises to buy from hold with price target 105.
• AGCO up on earnings - said they are looking for new plan in Indian market
• ABNB introduces Icon category which allows people to stay at unique houses , like the house from UP, which will be lifted into the air by a Crane, and the X man mansion.
• Novo Nordisk raises guidance as Ozempic, their obesity drug, and Wegovy sales surge. Stock still down.
• U - announced that Matthew Bromberg will take over as CEO. Jim Whitehurets will be named executive chair of UNitys board, transitioning from interim CEO.
• XOM - set to close its $60B mega deal for pioneer Natural (PXD) following agreement with antitrust enforcers not to add Pioneer CEO to their board of directors.
• SQ was down yesterday as Federal prosecutors probe financial rasnactions at Block.
• TTWO - closes 2 games studios as part of wider layoffs.
• Kroger and Disney+ in talks for streaming deal. Kroger want to offer Disney+ to boost members at no extra cost.
• Shell - smashed forecasts with 7.7B quarterly profit.
• EBAy down as they signal Q2 revenue forecast to be below expectations as consumer spending remains strained for now.
• ACLS - down, even though they expect revenues in H2 to increase above their anticipated revenue guidance before.
• PAYC down - they keep 2024 outlook unchanged. 1.86-1.885B, vs estimate of 1.872B. In line with guidance.
• Q2 guidance missed the mark though which is why they are down. Q2 guidance came in at 436 vs 442M expected. So miss by 1.3%

OTHER NEWS:

• Key takeaway from FOMC was the tapering ofQT - $25B a month, means less funding ended in Q3, which means less pressure on issuing new bonds. This means yields should slide.
• After FOMC meeting, UK rate futures are fully pricing a September Bank of England rate cut.
• BTC - Investors dumped US based spot BTC ETFs at fastest pace on record yesterday.
• Likely more fX intervention by Japan. Kanda declines to say whether it was, but clearly it was. Still couldn’t break 152 though, which is the key level to get below.
• Understanding is that Japan may have spent 3.6T yen for the intervention yesterday.
• ITO of Japan suggests possible interest rate hike again to 0.5% if yen weakness drives inflation up. There is realistically still a lot we have to see before this is actually on the table though.
• BOJ minutes suggest that inflation can overshoot, says a few members.
• Points to gradual move towards policy normalisation
• Careful consideration needed. Continued aim for 2%
• Mmebers noted there will be a difference between Japan’s move and US monetary tightening.
• Yesterday’s JOLTS - THERE WERE 1.3 VACANCIES FOR EVERY UNEMPLOYED WORKER IN MARCH, THE LOWEST SINCE AUGUST 2021. So still very tight, but some loosening.
• ISM MANUFACTURING - PRICE PAID WAS WAY ABOVE EXPECTAITONS.
• US ISM Manufacturing Apr: 49.2 (est 50.0; prev 50.3)
• - ISM Prices Paid Apr: 60.9 (est 55.4; prev 55.8)
• - ISM New Orders Apr: 49.1 (est 51.0; prev 51.4)
• - ISM Employment Apr: 48.6 (est 48.2; prev 47.4)
• INFLATION UP IN ISM PRICES PAID, BUT PRODUCTIVITY DOWN in overall ISM numbers. Bit stagflationary, but note that Powell pushed back strongly on Stagflation in the FOMC meeting yesterday. Said he sees no sign of the stagnating, nor of the inflation.
• Note that ISM prices paid number was highest since June 2022.
• OECD FORECASTS:
• Sees Uk growth at 0.4% vs 0.7% previously
• Raises china growth outlook to 4.9% from 4,7%
• Cuts Japanese growth to 0.5% from 1%
• Raises US growth forecast to 2.6% from 2.1% before.
• Risks to economic outlook are better balanced now.
• US administration announces $3B to replace toxic lead pipes and deliver clean drinking water to communities across country.
• Large fire in Ukrainian port of Odesa after missile strike
• China rejects new nuclear arms control talks with US
• Worlds largest olive oil producer says industry faces one of its toughest moments ever.

Hi there! I’m not new to art teaching but I am heading to a new school next year! I have taught every grade from k-12. This will be a MS. One thing I have always struggled with is how best to keep student portfolios and how to get that work from a portfolio to my grade book then on display then back to the student? I know we all have different storage and rooms but art teachers are the most creative people on the planet and I’d love to hear what you’ve found to be your best practices! I’ve taught HS for the past 2 years and MS for a bit before that. My biggest struggle is getting those projects actually turned in for a grade then back to the student. I create displays for almost every project with the best ones In the past I’ve done class drawers with folded paper portfolios clipped together by table group. This has been the most organized so far but getting students to actually give me their completed work from the portfolios is like pulling teeth. Do you have a better solution for this? Thanks for your help in advance!

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FOMC meeting summary:

• Kept interest rate steady at 5.5% in line with expectations.
• Did however, control the balance sheet to point to easing, as they will slow the pace of balance sheet run off starting in June. That’s an easier element of monetary policy for the Fed to control in short term than rates.
• Did note that in recent months there has been a lack of further progress to 2% target
• Said that whilst GDP came weak last month, the individual elements of the economy are strong
• Some weakening of labour market although it is still stronger than pre pandemic.
• Markets rose and dollar fell during conference as Powell pushed back on the possibility of rate hikes. Said that’s not on the table right now, instead the decision is on whether to hold or cut.
• Said current policy is sufficiently restrictive.
• Said that they are still data dependent looking for more confidence from the prints. Said its likely, with recent prints, that confidence will take longer than though (implicitly implying cuts won’t come till late year)
• Basically just reiterated again and again that they needed more time.
• Said that there are 3 scenarios or paths:

1. We dont yet get greater confidence from inflation prints, in which case keep rates steady.
2. We get greater confidence as inflation falls, in which case can cut.
3. We get unexpected weakening in labour market, in which case can cut.

• Said its not necessary that stronger growth must weaken to help inflation. Said supply side easing is yet to come through on inflation. That’s good and tells us that the strong economic data of late isn’t hawkish and Powell actually likes it.
• Spoke about how shelter disinflation is yet to come down.
• Said his forecast is still for inflation to come lower, but said that his confidence in that forecast is lower right now than it was.
• Said stagflation is not a risk at all.

ANALYSIS:

• How are traders taking this?
• Well overall, if we look at liquidity, we can see that traders are basically in 2 minds it seems. Liquidity not really increased or decreased since the fed meeting.
• It seems that basically traders are waiting for NFP for more clarification on exactly what to expect on rate path.
• Signs are there though that despite the dump EOD yesterday, traders aren’t taking it too hawkishly. The reason why I say that is by looking at USD.
• IF traders were taking it hawkishly, then the dump in SPX would be combined with a jump in DXY. However, DXY trades near session lows from yesterday.
• Furthermore, VIX jumped yesterday, but not very much and has now subsided back to 15.
• HY Swaps never really jumped. Again a sign traders aren’t too hawkish.
• However if we follow the data, it appears we should wait and see until NFP basically.

DATA LEDE

• Swiss inflation rate comes 1.4% vs 1.1% forecast. Previous reading was 1%. So ticks up to highest reading of the year.
• CHF popped higher on this as is hawkish for SNB
• Spain Manufacturing PMI came 52.2 beating expectations of 50.8, and comes highest of year to date.
• Good, still seeing economic recovery in Spain
• This is in contrast to what we see in Germany though. So Euro zone seeing some disparity.
• E.g Germany PMI today came 42.5.
• JOBLESS CLAIMS LATER
• US BALANCE OF TRADE LATER
• US FACTORY ORDERS LATER

MARKETS:

• SPX recovering some of the dip EOD yesterday in premarket, on Europe and China performance.
• SPX: ROse to 5095 during FOMC yesterday, then came down to close at 5015. Recovered during after hours and premarket to 5047
• NDX: Rose to 17,700 FOMC, fell to close at 17,300. 400 point drop. Has recovered 170 of those points , back to 17,470
• Ger40 flat just under 18k. Was closed yesterday, sold off on Tuesday with the US market.
• UK100 up by 0.6% to 8150.
• HKG50 up 3.6% - breaks through the 18k level which is v bullish.
• Mainland China markets remained closed for labour day.
• OIL - flat, below 80. Dropped out of the recent uptrend.
• GOLD - down 1% back below 2300 again, which is the key level.
• VIX - Not a massive move yesterday in VIX considering the EOD sell off. Peaked at 16.
• Has pared that back to 15 right now.
• VIX not showing signs of alarm at the moment.

FX:

• Dollar remains lower after Powell was net dovish overall yesterday.
• More FX intervention by BOJ overnight. Bounced off 153. Couldn’t get below the 152 level which is where liquidity is, and where they must get below.
• Suspected spent 3.6T on yen intervention yesterday.
• Yen bounced then from 153 back to 156.
• CHF higher this morning on higher inflation print.
• AUD higher this morning on ridiculously strong performance in HKG market.

EARNINGS:
ALB: Up 2% in premarket.

• EPS of 0.26 beat estimates by 0.03 (beat by 13%)
• Revenue of 1.36B was down 47% YOY, but came in line.
• Sales came in line as Energy storage volume growth increases as projects ramp up.
• Q1 delivered over $90m in productivity and restructuring cost savings.
• 50% operating rate at Kemerton I. Commissioned Meishan and is improving ramp up of Salar Yield
• SEEING SOLID VOLUME GROWTH.
• COST REDUCTIONS AND PRODUCTIVITY IMRPOVEMENTS.
• STRENGTHENED COMPETITIVE POSITION
• Full year REVENUE GUIDANCE 6.06B if LThium stays at $15. If it increase to 25, this can increase to 7.3B
• This guidance is based on 3 lithium pricing scenarios.
• One is of $15 a kg, another is on $20 and another on $25.
• Current price is $15.20
• So really, the company is doing everything they can to be hones.t They are just struggling with lithium pricing.

DASH

• Current quarter wasn’t terrible in many metrics
• Gross value of orders, jumped 21%
• Total orders increased 21% to 620M, beating estimates of 607M.
• Order value at US grocery stores more than doubled
• So was a High growth quarter.
• The problem, then was that earnings was a bigger miss than expected
• EPS of -0.06 missed estimates of -0.05
• Revenue of 2.51B was up 23% YOY, and beat by 3%
• Disappointing profit forecast for current quarter
• 325m-425M.
• Logistics and efficiency improvements. Significantly reduced average delivery time.
• Adding more items onto the platform and making technical improvements to improve delivery times
• 67% market share.
• Not yet profitable and no timeline given
• CEO says he expects EBITDA to ramp up in H2 as various investments will pay off.
• Margin improvements from Advertising business, selling sponsored placements, will increase as well as the company increases selection of items.
• Has been aggressively expanding non restaurant offerings.
• Downplayed minimum age standards for delivery drivers in NYC and Seattle. This forced them to pass on the higher fee to the customers, but they said they have seen less than 1% reduction in its orders in Q1 as those cities are v small part of overall business.
• Expects significant levels of investment in international markets.

FSLR

• EPS of 2.20 beat by 0.22 (beat by 10%)
• Revenue of 794M was up 45% YOY, beat by 10%
• Net bookings of 2.7GW with average selling price of 31.3 cents
• GUidance changes
• Kept sales guidance the same at 4.4-4.6B, on line with consensus
• Gross margins guidance unchanged
• Operating expenses unchanged
• Earnings guidance unchanged at 13-14, vs expectations of 13.6 (so slight miss there)
• Reduced CAPEX guidance
• Increased Cash balance guidance as a result of lower CAPEX
• Kept same volume guidance.
• Not bad earnings.

ENVX

• EPS of -0.31 missed by 0.02 - so continued losses, and in fact wider loss than anticipated
• Revenue of 5.3M was up based on no revenue last year, and beat by 1.25M
• Very young company, very little revenue etc.
• What they did say, though:
• They made a lot of progress towards reading Fab2 in Malaysia to begin production
• Collaborating with leading customers ahead of shipping first samples of breakthrough EX 1M battery
• Strong top line growth - outperformance due to batteries sold to IOT customers.
• Malaysia factory build out
• Taking actions to reduce cash burn including accelerating plans to identify additional efficiencies as they scale. They want to reduce fixed costs by 1/3. This will accelerate their path to profitability, they said.
• Said they are in talks with leading smartphone OEM who is excited by the product and will formalise relationships to be first using battery - this isn’t yet confirmed.
• They do however have a development agreement with 1 of the top 5 smartphone OEMs ind orld. Begun manufacturing EX1M battery cells based on that manufacturers requirement and will deliver samples in Q2.
• Said they are sending samples to 6 of the top 8 smartphones makers.
• Taking a mobile first approach to product development. Said that reason for this is that smartphone sets standard for battery tech and should allow them to translate success to other areas.
• Said they are seeing interest from leading OEMS in automotive.

QCOM:

• Raised dividend.
• GUIDANCE: which is key right now.
• • Sees revenue $8.8B to $9.6B, EST $9.08B BEAT
• • SeesQCT revenue $7.5B to $8.1B, EST $7.76B BEAT
• • SeesQTL revenue $1.2B to $1.4B, EST $1.27B BEAT
• • Sees ADJ EPS $2.15 to $2.35, EST $2.16 BEAT
• ❖ RESULTS: Q2
• • ADJ EPS $2.44 vs. $2.15 y/y, EST $2.32 BEAT
• • ADJ revenue $9.39B, +1.3% y/y, EST $9.32B BEAT
• • QCT revenue $8.03B, +1.1% y/y, EST $8.01B BEAT
• • Internet of Things revenue $1.24B, -11% y/y, EST $1.25B MISS
• • Handsets revenue $6.18B, +1.2% y/y, EST $6.16B BEAT
• • Automotive revenue $603M, +35% y/y, EST $583.6M BEAT
• • QTL revenue $1.32B, +2.2% y/y, EST $1.31B BEAT
• • QSI segment revenue $3M, -57% y/y, EST $10.7M
• • Adj. reconciling items for revenues $42M, +17% y/y, EST $39M
• • ADJ operating income $3.18B, +6.1% y/y, EST $3.09B BEAT
• Strong earnigns all round, beats across the board pretty much.

CARVANA

• Rev $3.1B vs $2.7B est
• EBITDA $235M vs $132M est
• Units sold 92K vs 84K est
• Strong results, trading up 31% in premarket, mostly result of short squeeze.

MAG 7:

• NVDA - NVDA supplier, SK Hynix’s HMB chips are basically sold out til 2025, amid strong AI demand.
• AAPL - earnings after close.
• GOOGL - lays off hundreds of core employees, moves some positions to India and Mexico
• GOOGL - GOogle paid Apple $20B in 2022 to be Safari’s default search engine.
• TSLA - rescinds internship offers amid cost cutting moves.
• TSLA m- Cantor Fitzgerald initiates at overweight, price target 230.
• MSFT - will open data center in Thailand, doubling down on AI and Asia.

OTHER COMPANIES:

• Chinese stocks jump in premarket as Hkg market pumps by 3.5%. EV companies lead this as they delivered their delivery numbers yesterday
• MPWR stock pumps on earnings - Needham reiterates price target at 800 on these tock.
• Plug - plug power secures certification in South Korea
• QCOM up on earnings
• TTD up as Jefferies raises to buy from hold with price target 105.
• AGCO up on earnings - said they are looking for new plan in Indian market
• ABNB introduces Icon category which allows people to stay at unique houses , like the house from UP, which will be lifted into the air by a Crane, and the X man mansion.
• Novo Nordisk raises guidance as Ozempic, their obesity drug, and Wegovy sales surge. Stock still down.
• U - announced that Matthew Bromberg will take over as CEO. Jim Whitehurets will be named executive chair of UNitys board, transitioning from interim CEO.
• XOM - set to close its $60B mega deal for pioneer Natural (PXD) following agreement with antitrust enforcers not to add Pioneer CEO to their board of directors.
• SQ was down yesterday as Federal prosecutors probe financial rasnactions at Block.
• TTWO - closes 2 games studios as part of wider layoffs.
• Kroger and Disney+ in talks for streaming deal. Kroger want to offer Disney+ to boost members at no extra cost.
• Shell - smashed forecasts with 7.7B quarterly profit.
• EBAy down as they signal Q2 revenue forecast to be below expectations as consumer spending remains strained for now.
• ACLS - down, even though they expect revenues in H2 to increase above their anticipated revenue guidance before.
• PAYC down - they keep 2024 outlook unchanged. 1.86-1.885B, vs estimate of 1.872B. In line with guidance.
• Q2 guidance missed the mark though which is why they are down. Q2 guidance came in at 436 vs 442M expected. So miss by 1.3%

OTHER NEWS:

• Key takeaway from FOMC was the tapering ofQT - $25B a month, means less funding ended in Q3, which means less pressure on issuing new bonds. This means yields should slide.
• After FOMC meeting, UK rate futures are fully pricing a September Bank of England rate cut.
• BTC - Investors dumped US based spot BTC ETFs at fastest pace on record yesterday.
• Likely more fX intervention by Japan. Kanda declines to say whether it was, but clearly it was. Still couldn’t break 152 though, which is the key level to get below.
• Understanding is that Japan may have spent 3.6T yen for the intervention yesterday.
• ITO of Japan suggests possible interest rate hike again to 0.5% if yen weakness drives inflation up. There is realistically still a lot we have to see before this is actually on the table though.
• BOJ minutes suggest that inflation can overshoot, says a few members.
• Points to gradual move towards policy normalisation
• Careful consideration needed. Continued aim for 2%
• Mmebers noted there will be a difference between Japan’s move and US monetary tightening.
• Yesterday’s JOLTS - THERE WERE 1.3 VACANCIES FOR EVERY UNEMPLOYED WORKER IN MARCH, THE LOWEST SINCE AUGUST 2021. So still very tight, but some loosening.
• ISM MANUFACTURING - PRICE PAID WAS WAY ABOVE EXPECTAITONS.
• US ISM Manufacturing Apr: 49.2 (est 50.0; prev 50.3)
• - ISM Prices Paid Apr: 60.9 (est 55.4; prev 55.8)
• - ISM New Orders Apr: 49.1 (est 51.0; prev 51.4)
• - ISM Employment Apr: 48.6 (est 48.2; prev 47.4)
• INFLATION UP IN ISM PRICES PAID, BUT PRODUCTIVITY DOWN in overall ISM numbers. Bit stagflationary, but note that Powell pushed back strongly on Stagflation in the FOMC meeting yesterday. Said he sees no sign of the stagnating, nor of the inflation.
• Note that ISM prices paid number was highest since June 2022.
• OECD FORECASTS:
• Sees Uk growth at 0.4% vs 0.7% previously
• Raises china growth outlook to 4.9% from 4,7%
• Cuts Japanese growth to 0.5% from 1%
• Raises US growth forecast to 2.6% from 2.1% before.
• Risks to economic outlook are better balanced now.
• US administration announces $3B to replace toxic lead pipes and deliver clean drinking water to communities across country.
• Large fire in Ukrainian port of Odesa after missile strike
• China rejects new nuclear arms control talks with US
• Worlds largest olive oil producer says industry faces one of its toughest moments ever.

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FOMC meeting summary:

• Kept interest rate steady at 5.5% in line with expectations.
• Did however, control the balance sheet to point to easing, as they will slow the pace of balance sheet run off starting in June. That’s an easier element of monetary policy for the Fed to control in short term than rates.
• Did note that in recent months there has been a lack of further progress to 2% target
• Said that whilst GDP came weak last month, the individual elements of the economy are strong
• Some weakening of labour market although it is still stronger than pre pandemic.
• Markets rose and dollar fell during conference as Powell pushed back on the possibility of rate hikes. Said that’s not on the table right now, instead the decision is on whether to hold or cut.
• Said current policy is sufficiently restrictive.
• Said that they are still data dependent looking for more confidence from the prints. Said its likely, with recent prints, that confidence will take longer than though (implicitly implying cuts won’t come till late year)
• Basically just reiterated again and again that they needed more time.
• Said that there are 3 scenarios or paths:

1. We dont yet get greater confidence from inflation prints, in which case keep rates steady.
2. We get greater confidence as inflation falls, in which case can cut.
3. We get unexpected weakening in labour market, in which case can cut.

• Said its not necessary that stronger growth must weaken to help inflation. Said supply side easing is yet to come through on inflation. That’s good and tells us that the strong economic data of late isn’t hawkish and Powell actually likes it.
• Spoke about how shelter disinflation is yet to come down.
• Said his forecast is still for inflation to come lower, but said that his confidence in that forecast is lower right now than it was.
• Said stagflation is not a risk at all.

ANALYSIS:

• How are traders taking this?
• Well overall, if we look at liquidity, we can see that traders are basically in 2 minds it seems. Liquidity not really increased or decreased since the fed meeting.
• It seems that basically traders are waiting for NFP for more clarification on exactly what to expect on rate path.
• Signs are there though that despite the dump EOD yesterday, traders aren’t taking it too hawkishly. The reason why I say that is by looking at USD.
• IF traders were taking it hawkishly, then the dump in SPX would be combined with a jump in DXY. However, DXY trades near session lows from yesterday.
• Furthermore, VIX jumped yesterday, but not very much and has now subsided back to 15.
• HY Swaps never really jumped. Again a sign traders aren’t too hawkish.
• However if we follow the data, it appears we should wait and see until NFP basically.

DATA LEDE

• Swiss inflation rate comes 1.4% vs 1.1% forecast. Previous reading was 1%. So ticks up to highest reading of the year.
• CHF popped higher on this as is hawkish for SNB
• Spain Manufacturing PMI came 52.2 beating expectations of 50.8, and comes highest of year to date.
• Good, still seeing economic recovery in Spain
• This is in contrast to what we see in Germany though. So Euro zone seeing some disparity.
• E.g Germany PMI today came 42.5.
• JOBLESS CLAIMS LATER
• US BALANCE OF TRADE LATER
• US FACTORY ORDERS LATER

MARKETS:

• SPX recovering some of the dip EOD yesterday in premarket, on Europe and China performance.
• SPX: ROse to 5095 during FOMC yesterday, then came down to close at 5015. Recovered during after hours and premarket to 5047
• NDX: Rose to 17,700 FOMC, fell to close at 17,300. 400 point drop. Has recovered 170 of those points , back to 17,470
• Ger40 flat just under 18k. Was closed yesterday, sold off on Tuesday with the US market.
• UK100 up by 0.6% to 8150.
• HKG50 up 3.6% - breaks through the 18k level which is v bullish.
• Mainland China markets remained closed for labour day.
• OIL - flat, below 80. Dropped out of the recent uptrend.
• GOLD - down 1% back below 2300 again, which is the key level.
• VIX - Not a massive move yesterday in VIX considering the EOD sell off. Peaked at 16.
• Has pared that back to 15 right now.
• VIX not showing signs of alarm at the moment.

FX:

• Dollar remains lower after Powell was net dovish overall yesterday.
• More FX intervention by BOJ overnight. Bounced off 153. Couldn’t get below the 152 level which is where liquidity is, and where they must get below.
• Suspected spent 3.6T on yen intervention yesterday.
• Yen bounced then from 153 back to 156.
• CHF higher this morning on higher inflation print.
• AUD higher this morning on ridiculously strong performance in HKG market.

EARNINGS:
ALB: Up 2% in premarket.

• EPS of 0.26 beat estimates by 0.03 (beat by 13%)
• Revenue of 1.36B was down 47% YOY, but came in line.
• Sales came in line as Energy storage volume growth increases as projects ramp up.
• Q1 delivered over $90m in productivity and restructuring cost savings.
• 50% operating rate at Kemerton I. Commissioned Meishan and is improving ramp up of Salar Yield
• SEEING SOLID VOLUME GROWTH.
• COST REDUCTIONS AND PRODUCTIVITY IMRPOVEMENTS.
• STRENGTHENED COMPETITIVE POSITION
• Full year REVENUE GUIDANCE 6.06B if LThium stays at $15. If it increase to 25, this can increase to 7.3B
• This guidance is based on 3 lithium pricing scenarios.
• One is of $15 a kg, another is on $20 and another on $25.
• Current price is $15.20
• So really, the company is doing everything they can to be hones.t They are just struggling with lithium pricing.

DASH

• Current quarter wasn’t terrible in many metrics
• Gross value of orders, jumped 21%
• Total orders increased 21% to 620M, beating estimates of 607M.
• Order value at US grocery stores more than doubled
• So was a High growth quarter.
• The problem, then was that earnings was a bigger miss than expected
• EPS of -0.06 missed estimates of -0.05
• Revenue of 2.51B was up 23% YOY, and beat by 3%
• Disappointing profit forecast for current quarter
• 325m-425M.
• Logistics and efficiency improvements. Significantly reduced average delivery time.
• Adding more items onto the platform and making technical improvements to improve delivery times
• 67% market share.
• Not yet profitable and no timeline given
• CEO says he expects EBITDA to ramp up in H2 as various investments will pay off.
• Margin improvements from Advertising business, selling sponsored placements, will increase as well as the company increases selection of items.
• Has been aggressively expanding non restaurant offerings.
• Downplayed minimum age standards for delivery drivers in NYC and Seattle. This forced them to pass on the higher fee to the customers, but they said they have seen less than 1% reduction in its orders in Q1 as those cities are v small part of overall business.
• Expects significant levels of investment in international markets.

FSLR

• EPS of 2.20 beat by 0.22 (beat by 10%)
• Revenue of 794M was up 45% YOY, beat by 10%
• Net bookings of 2.7GW with average selling price of 31.3 cents
• GUidance changes
• Kept sales guidance the same at 4.4-4.6B, on line with consensus
• Gross margins guidance unchanged
• Operating expenses unchanged
• Earnings guidance unchanged at 13-14, vs expectations of 13.6 (so slight miss there)
• Reduced CAPEX guidance
• Increased Cash balance guidance as a result of lower CAPEX
• Kept same volume guidance.
• Not bad earnings.

ENVX

• EPS of -0.31 missed by 0.02 - so continued losses, and in fact wider loss than anticipated
• Revenue of 5.3M was up based on no revenue last year, and beat by 1.25M
• Very young company, very little revenue etc.
• What they did say, though:
• They made a lot of progress towards reading Fab2 in Malaysia to begin production
• Collaborating with leading customers ahead of shipping first samples of breakthrough EX 1M battery
• Strong top line growth - outperformance due to batteries sold to IOT customers.
• Malaysia factory build out
• Taking actions to reduce cash burn including accelerating plans to identify additional efficiencies as they scale. They want to reduce fixed costs by 1/3. This will accelerate their path to profitability, they said.
• Said they are in talks with leading smartphone OEM who is excited by the product and will formalise relationships to be first using battery - this isn’t yet confirmed.
• They do however have a development agreement with 1 of the top 5 smartphone OEMs ind orld. Begun manufacturing EX1M battery cells based on that manufacturers requirement and will deliver samples in Q2.
• Said they are sending samples to 6 of the top 8 smartphones makers.
• Taking a mobile first approach to product development. Said that reason for this is that smartphone sets standard for battery tech and should allow them to translate success to other areas.
• Said they are seeing interest from leading OEMS in automotive.

QCOM:

• Raised dividend.
• GUIDANCE: which is key right now.
• • Sees revenue $8.8B to $9.6B, EST $9.08B BEAT
• • SeesQCT revenue $7.5B to $8.1B, EST $7.76B BEAT
• • SeesQTL revenue $1.2B to $1.4B, EST $1.27B BEAT
• • Sees ADJ EPS $2.15 to $2.35, EST $2.16 BEAT
• ❖ RESULTS: Q2
• • ADJ EPS $2.44 vs. $2.15 y/y, EST $2.32 BEAT
• • ADJ revenue $9.39B, +1.3% y/y, EST $9.32B BEAT
• • QCT revenue $8.03B, +1.1% y/y, EST $8.01B BEAT
• • Internet of Things revenue $1.24B, -11% y/y, EST $1.25B MISS
• • Handsets revenue $6.18B, +1.2% y/y, EST $6.16B BEAT
• • Automotive revenue $603M, +35% y/y, EST $583.6M BEAT
• • QTL revenue $1.32B, +2.2% y/y, EST $1.31B BEAT
• • QSI segment revenue $3M, -57% y/y, EST $10.7M
• • Adj. reconciling items for revenues $42M, +17% y/y, EST $39M
• • ADJ operating income $3.18B, +6.1% y/y, EST $3.09B BEAT
• Strong earnigns all round, beats across the board pretty much.

CARVANA

• Rev $3.1B vs $2.7B est
• EBITDA $235M vs $132M est
• Units sold 92K vs 84K est
• Strong results, trading up 31% in premarket, mostly result of short squeeze.

MAG 7:

• NVDA - NVDA supplier, SK Hynix’s HMB chips are basically sold out til 2025, amid strong AI demand.
• AAPL - earnings after close.
• GOOGL - lays off hundreds of core employees, moves some positions to India and Mexico
• GOOGL - GOogle paid Apple $20B in 2022 to be Safari’s default search engine.
• TSLA - rescinds internship offers amid cost cutting moves.
• TSLA m- Cantor Fitzgerald initiates at overweight, price target 230.
• MSFT - will open data center in Thailand, doubling down on AI and Asia.

OTHER COMPANIES:

• Chinese stocks jump in premarket as Hkg market pumps by 3.5%. EV companies lead this as they delivered their delivery numbers yesterday
• MPWR stock pumps on earnings - Needham reiterates price target at 800 on these tock.
• Plug - plug power secures certification in South Korea
• QCOM up on earnings
• TTD up as Jefferies raises to buy from hold with price target 105.
• AGCO up on earnings - said they are looking for new plan in Indian market
• ABNB introduces Icon category which allows people to stay at unique houses , like the house from UP, which will be lifted into the air by a Crane, and the X man mansion.
• Novo Nordisk raises guidance as Ozempic, their obesity drug, and Wegovy sales surge. Stock still down.
• U - announced that Matthew Bromberg will take over as CEO. Jim Whitehurets will be named executive chair of UNitys board, transitioning from interim CEO.
• XOM - set to close its $60B mega deal for pioneer Natural (PXD) following agreement with antitrust enforcers not to add Pioneer CEO to their board of directors.
• SQ was down yesterday as Federal prosecutors probe financial rasnactions at Block.
• TTWO - closes 2 games studios as part of wider layoffs.
• Kroger and Disney+ in talks for streaming deal. Kroger want to offer Disney+ to boost members at no extra cost.
• Shell - smashed forecasts with 7.7B quarterly profit.
• EBAy down as they signal Q2 revenue forecast to be below expectations as consumer spending remains strained for now.
• ACLS - down, even though they expect revenues in H2 to increase above their anticipated revenue guidance before.
• PAYC down - they keep 2024 outlook unchanged. 1.86-1.885B, vs estimate of 1.872B. In line with guidance.
• Q2 guidance missed the mark though which is why they are down. Q2 guidance came in at 436 vs 442M expected. So miss by 1.3%

OTHER NEWS:

• Key takeaway from FOMC was the tapering ofQT - $25B a month, means less funding ended in Q3, which means less pressure on issuing new bonds. This means yields should slide.
• After FOMC meeting, UK rate futures are fully pricing a September Bank of England rate cut.
• BTC - Investors dumped US based spot BTC ETFs at fastest pace on record yesterday.
• Likely more fX intervention by Japan. Kanda declines to say whether it was, but clearly it was. Still couldn’t break 152 though, which is the key level to get below.
• Understanding is that Japan may have spent 3.6T yen for the intervention yesterday.
• ITO of Japan suggests possible interest rate hike again to 0.5% if yen weakness drives inflation up. There is realistically still a lot we have to see before this is actually on the table though.
• BOJ minutes suggest that inflation can overshoot, says a few members.
• Points to gradual move towards policy normalisation
• Careful consideration needed. Continued aim for 2%
• Mmebers noted there will be a difference between Japan’s move and US monetary tightening.
• Yesterday’s JOLTS - THERE WERE 1.3 VACANCIES FOR EVERY UNEMPLOYED WORKER IN MARCH, THE LOWEST SINCE AUGUST 2021. So still very tight, but some loosening.
• ISM MANUFACTURING - PRICE PAID WAS WAY ABOVE EXPECTAITONS.
• US ISM Manufacturing Apr: 49.2 (est 50.0; prev 50.3)
• - ISM Prices Paid Apr: 60.9 (est 55.4; prev 55.8)
• - ISM New Orders Apr: 49.1 (est 51.0; prev 51.4)
• - ISM Employment Apr: 48.6 (est 48.2; prev 47.4)
• INFLATION UP IN ISM PRICES PAID, BUT PRODUCTIVITY DOWN in overall ISM numbers. Bit stagflationary, but note that Powell pushed back strongly on Stagflation in the FOMC meeting yesterday. Said he sees no sign of the stagnating, nor of the inflation.
• Note that ISM prices paid number was highest since June 2022.
• OECD FORECASTS:
• Sees Uk growth at 0.4% vs 0.7% previously
• Raises china growth outlook to 4.9% from 4,7%
• Cuts Japanese growth to 0.5% from 1%
• Raises US growth forecast to 2.6% from 2.1% before.
• Risks to economic outlook are better balanced now.
• US administration announces $3B to replace toxic lead pipes and deliver clean drinking water to communities across country.
• Large fire in Ukrainian port of Odesa after missile strike
• China rejects new nuclear arms control talks with US
• Worlds largest olive oil producer says industry faces one of its toughest moments ever.

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