If you are struggling with Step 1, trust me, I understand you. I am not a strong test taker and I struggle with testing anxiety. Having to go through this exam 3 times nearly broke me. If you passed, congratulations, I'm so relieved and happy for you! If you failed, I know how you feel and I hope my story can motivate you because you are an amazing and capable. If you are studying and stressing out, please keep your head up because if I can pull through this, you definitely can.
My story summarized:
I took 2 months of step 1 dedicated last year and saw on reddit that people would pass with low 60s on NBMEs. I thought to take it once I hit a 62 on NBME and a 60+ on Free 120 (my school would not let me push it back any further). I came out of that test shattered as it did not feel like anything I've ever taken before; the question STEMs were long and I was constantly running out of time. After my initial F, I tried to retake it immediately, ~5 weeks after my first attempt so that I could quickly get back on track with school. I hired a tutor and started Bootcamp. I thought I just needed to show consistency so I got 62 and a 67 on two NBMEs. I went into that test feeling so confident and felt great after the test; the question stems were short & sweet and I didn't have a time issue. I was confident that I passed. When I received that second F, I cannot truly describe that feeling but I wouldn't hope it for anyone. I had to take a year off on LOA to fix my depression and anxiety disorder that resulted from this traumatic experience.
I started truly studying for this exam in January of this year and took the exam 4/19. I told myself that I would not sit for this exam again until I've scored in the 70+ consistently on NBMEs and fixed my confidence. This was my last chance taking the step 1 exam as a third failure results in dismissal from my school. I think that added pressure on top of my testing anxiety was something that took ALOT of time with counseling and self reflection/growth to heal from. My initial date was 4/10 but I was having extreme physical pain that week and my practice score dropped from 78 to 60, so I, not wanting to repeated my mistake in the past, extended my LOA so I could take the exam 4/19. I took another practice exam to make sure I was confident and got a 69%. It wasn't the 70+ I wanted but my counselor told me that I may never feel confident, but I have been meeting my score goals consistently and having prepared for this exam for, essentially a year now, I did not want to burn out so I took the exam. Here are my stats this time: 4/15/24: 69% (Form 29), 4/7/24: 60% (Form 28), 4/4/24: 78% (Form 26), 3/15/24: 74% (Form 30), 2/29/24: 69% (Form 31), 2/15/24: 65% (Form 25), 2/1/24: 66% (Form 27).
I can honestly say I feel like I truly understand the material and am able to think about things clinically, which is something I could not have said for my first two attempts.
To note, I don't think everyone needs 70+ on NBMEs to pass, but if you have testing anxiety, tend to struggle with timed tests, have ADD, or easily get shaken from a "bad section," then you should aim for 70+ (timed, and as close to the exam environment as possible) to be able to sit for the real thing. Cudos to those who did it without but I think that not having 3+ NBMEs >65% is a risk. Look at me, I took those risks and failed twice before. I don't want that for you.
Prior to and Exam day:
I visited the testing center twice before my test date to familiarize myself with it. I checked out the bathrooms and saw the common area. This test was also and mental and emotion task for me, so knowing my environment was important.
I studied the day before because I am just not the type to take a day off before the exam - my anxiety could not let me just rest. I slept maybe 4 hours (don't recommend it but I don't usually sleep before big events so 4 was good for me). I had my partner drive me so I could just decompress in the car and did not have an appetite but forced myself to eat a banana. I took an ibuprofen as I knew I tend to get stress headaches/cramps along the test, which usually really affected me.
The first section was terrible (wanted to just fight the computer screen) but I lied to myself that it was gonna be one of my best sections so I am not gonna worry about it. I took each section like its own thing, not letting the previous affect me. I realized that timing was not as forgiving on this as NBMEs so I made myself go through all the questions so that I could have 5 minutes to check unanswered or marked ones. I think I marked 18 in 3 sections (which was freaky) but again, told myself not to worry about them. Overall, 3 sections felt terrible and the rest felt okay to meh. I calmed myself down because I told myself that I've seen thousands of step 1 questions at this point as I've completed Uworld Qbank, Amboss Qbank, all available online NBMEs, free 120, and taken this exam twice); I think this reassurance made a huge difference in not allowing my testing anxiety to affect me. Trust me, it wasn't smooth sailing though and I think adrenaline carried me through this test.
I did not know how to feel after my exam as it didn't feel as difficult as my first attempt but not as "easy" as my second attempt. However, my 6 NBMEs were 65-78% (with the exception of 1 at 60%) this time, so I just told myself to trust my score. I knew I missed a handful of easy ones but also felt reassured when I looked up the ones I guessed and saw that I had guessed most of them correctly.
Waiting 4 weeks for my score was torture. I prayed, cried, distracted myself with video games, and spent time with friends.
Overall I am so happy to finally move on with my life bc it felt like limbo for the past year. If you want to hear what worked for me the third time around, you can read more below.
What didn't work for me:

• I have never learned well with textbooks. I don't know why I thought using First-Aid as the foundation of my study prep was a good idea. I was also trying to do thousands of Anki when I was always struggling to keep up with ANKI in med school. You know what works for you as you've studied all your life to get to this point in medical school. FA/Anki might be the holy grail for some people but if that's not your learning style or how you learn best, use other options!
• I took tests on my laptop at home for my first two attempts. You might not know it, but you may be a little too comfortable so try to go to a library where there are desktop computers and simulate the real deal.

What did work for me:

• Bootcamp and Uworld! I am a visual learning and Bootcamp videos/short quizzes really helped me ground my foundation in. However, it was unsuspending the Uworld Q's associated with the Bootcamp topic to see if I really understood the lecture material was what made a difference. I kept a spreadsheet of the Bootcamp topic completion, its associated UWorld Qbank completion, and the percentage right. Anything under 50% was a fail, 60-69% was border, and 70% was pass. I would redo my failed sections and take extra time to review my border sections. Another option for qbank is Amboss.
• Mehlman PDFs. Please, please review Mehlman's HY arrows PDFs. This is the single document that boosted my score to 70+. I did it 4x over (1 to get through it, 2 to redo the wrong ones, 3 to redo it all Qs the week before the test, and 4 to redo the wrong ones on the second attempt). I did his biochem sections and his biostats questions the week before the exam, which was a big help. I heard his risk factor PDFs were good, but I didn't have time to do that.
• NBMEs, use them as a resource! I would see the same topics come up again and again for each NBME. I know their explanation sucks but try to just understand what topic/concept they are trying to get you to know. Some people say this inflates your score but familiarizing yourself with HY topics that get tested time and time again is studying smart. I made Quizlet flashcards on each question I got wrong from forms 25-31 and Free 120. Yeah, I used quizlet bc I hated Anki and seeing Anki demoralized me, so I had to use a different flashcard medium. Quizlet actually has an AI feature to ask you questions and give explanations based on your flashcards, and I think this is pretty cool.
• For Micro and Pharm, I used Sketchy.

If you have any questions or need moral support, feel free to DM me. I'm done with step 1, and I'll see you on the other side!

Greetings!
Let us move back to energy work.
"Teacher, why do they think so much?"
"Why do you think at all?! You're no better than them!" The pupils teacher wacked him on the crown of his head.
"!OUCH! Why would you do that!"
"It stopped you thinking, did it not?"
We of J believe humans are scared to feel the pain of thinking because of emissions from radio-towers stabbing your meridians when you think too deeply.
It is due to the pain in other words that thinking, especially thinking hard, causes that makes one feel dizzy, angry or an array of different feelings.
Thinking is many times easier and more pleasant in wifi free zones, we believe.
We of J believe that if one were to use the totality of their inner strength toward thinking really hard, the rebound would cause what humans understand as spaciousness or the meditative state since the flow of energy within the 'thinking chakra,' what humans call the 'Default Mode Network,' would travel toward the pineal gland and then, out into the universe.
J believe that if one were to use the totality of their thinking power, it would squeeze blood toward the pineal gland. It seems J believe wifi has the ability to cut off blood-flow into the pineal gland.
We of J believe negative entities have a great many humans 'sleeping,' by cutting off the connection the cerebral cortex has with the pineal gland. We of J believe that thinking is a most pleasant and enjoyable experience and is very orgasmic, however, in your world, it literally hurts.
J believe that the Elites created wifi to make thinking deep enough to have pineal experiences hurt so we would stop bothering to try. This was possibly in response to how close humanity came in the 60's - 70's to realizing the oneness of all things.
A deep thought is an analogy for the experience of travelling into the pineal gland - it feels very orgasmic to the point that many humans cannot handle it, now, thinking deeply makes people angry in your world - it never used to, we of J believe.
Our instrument was trained to traverse your lands and adapt to your wifi signals, but this process is most difficult and requires the pain killer 'THC,' which we of J believe, expands the meridians to nullify pain in flow of north facing magnetic energy.
We of J think nature is so apolorized to wifi, that going into nature and grounding between the Sun and the Earth could be a potential awakening method for many of your world, one would feel continuously better each day spent outside in the Sun and with ones bare feet to the ground.
We of J believe many of those who live with nature have a name for the pain wifi causes to ones meridians and when such animals or humans are tasked with being within what you understand as cities, they have to use so much thought-power, it can make them dizzy or sometimes disorientated until they become used to it.
Spaciousness is attained when the pineal gland is pressurized by the default mode network, after pressurization, a host of hormones are released into the body including DMT, our instrument was required to become used to the dizziness it invokes and teach humans about it on this website.
If these have any questions, please, do ask.

I knew I made a mistake in my 3rd semester of nursing school, but I was too deep into it to back out. I work in the emergency department right now, and everything I thought I would love about it, I hate. I knew during my 3rd semester of nursing school that I wished I would’ve gone into business, hospitality, accounting, literally anything else. Family pressures got the best of me.
Right now, I want out. I knew I wanted to help people, but not like this. I guess I just don’t know where to start. I know it’s possible for nurses to break into this field (or fields adjacent). But my nursing degree is just an associates. I am a hard worker. I’ve worked 50+ hours a week since I was 14 (don’t even talk to me about labor laws 😭). I have a decade of experience in the hospitality industry, eventually moving into the HR aspect of the company. Where should I begin?

With Episode 2 having been out for right about 2 weeks by now, I decided to write out my thoughts on it just for fun. Positive thoughts, negative thoughts, and my explanation for the latter.
Let's get started! (There will be a TL;DR at the bottom.)

So what'd I like?

The animation quality is, like in the first episode, phenomenal. The blocky, part cartoonish and part video game-y style is a pleasure for the eyes, the animation feels fluid and energetic, and the characters are super expressive.
The voice acting was similarly great. I don't think there's any character who over- or underdid their role, be it old characters or new ones. As a star example, you could really feel the "I'm so done with this" fatigue in Pomni's voice.
There were also some really funny and/or clever things in the episode, especially when leaning into the virtual nature of the world. Pomni glitching into a box and later using that to spring back to the world, Jax's head staying still while everything else shakes around him, and the truck duplicating (I think it did? That part I'll have to rewatch) stand out to me. It feeds really well into the fact that the world isn't "real".

Thennn... what did I NOT like?

I have some minor complaints to get outta the way first. Some of the jokes were a bit on-the-nose, and jokes related to internet culture will most likely go stale in a while. Also, Caine wasn't there a whole lot, which is a shame since he's the funniest one of the bunch to me.
A slightly bigger complaint I have is tone. Now I don't mind an episode that's more serious or funnier or anything, don't get me wrong. But I feel like this episode was lacking in what made the first one so good to me, that being surreal dark humor. Most of that probably on account of Caine being missing. It just didn't have the same vibe to it.
The biggest one I have, however, is the pacing. We get introduced to Gummigoo, he has a big crisis, him and Pomni talk it out, and he dies... all within 16 minutes of screentime. Hell, from his crisis to his death, there's like 10 minutes. Are we supposed to get that attached to a character that fast? Cuz I felt worse for Pomni losing a friend than him dying (even then not much, as I'll explain below). Which sure, I guess that's probably at least part of what they were going for, but still.
It just feels like so much happens in such little time. We don't know these characters extremely well yet, so I don't feel that attached to them yet. Pomni's speech about how "people in the world she came from also feel like nobodies" felt more shoehorned than emotional, since it's only her second episode on-screen. Not all characters are guilty of this - Ragatha and Jax, for example, were done well imo. We got more insight into their characters, but not in a rushed way. But with Pomni and the whole Gummigoo thing, it felt too fast for me. Too much in too short a time.

But why?

All those complaints aside, it's not like I don't understand where at least some of it might come from. Episode 1 was a massive success, which I don't think they could've ever prepared for. With that big a fanbase after just one episode, the fans' expectations are through the roof. So they have to provide.
I imagine that, in their eyes, if the 2nd episode had been uneventful or took things too slow, the fans would be disappointed. They want to see action, they want to see development! They want to see what happens in the new world and they want to see what the new characters are all about! So they put a lotta action and new development... which, to me, they overshot it. In trying to make the episode interesting enough to fill the fans' expectations - after seven months since the 1st episode, which at the time of writing this has 319 million views - they wanted to rather put in too much than too little.
Now of course, this is all theorizing. I don't know what goes on at Glitch Productions, so I might be talking outta my ass here. But I do think it makes some amount of sense, considering how long it took to make the new episode, and how big of a fanbase they were serving the second one to. They wanted to provide, and that they did! Just too much too fast for my tastes.
(Also Caine missing is probably just to give more screentime to Gummigoo and the rest of the gang. Which I get it, having him around so much too would've made the episode even more bloated.)

TL;DR

Overall I like the 2nd episode, but not as much as the first. The technical quality, like animation and voice acting, are still amazing (get it?), but I feel like the episode tried to have development happen too fast, for how little we've seen of these characters so far. My theory for that is Glitch wanting to make sure the new episode comes close to their enormous fanbase's expectations, and in doing that, they settled for putting in too much than not enough.
If you made it this far, or just read the TL;DR, I'd like to hear your thoughts. Do you feel the same way? Do you think I'm onto something? Or do you think I'm completely and utterly wrong and should be thrown into the fudge lake? I'm curious to know!

My boyfriend and I have been together 2+ years. We live together in a small rural town that’s low cost, but also low opportunity. I’m originally from Chicago and would like that to be our next move, eventually anyway. He’s a very sweet, introverted man who always does the best he can for me. I make sure to do the same.
He’s been stressing lately about the stability of our future. We’re currently paying down our personal debts and interested in school, better jobs, and moving out of town. But we can’t afford the cost nor the time/energy to study and take classes right now. In order to do all of that, he’s saying he would have to sacrifice our relationship and that’s killing him. I don’t know how to get around this either.
With the way things are these days, we both have to work FT to keep things smooth. He knows I hate working and have trouble a lot of the time because I have hormone issues that keep me from performing at my 100%. He loves to work and have his efforts pay off and show. He wants to be able to work so that I can cut back and focus on other things. But we cannot do that because we don’t have the energy or money for higher education (loans are NOT ideal rn). He feels like we would have to breakup to achieve what we want but that would be counterproductive to us now.
How do we go about building stability for ourselves?? How do I take some of this pressure off of him? I think he’s starting to feel the stress physically and it’s breaking my heart because he’s going it for me and us…

When I was 14, my parents decided to move abroad. We had a good life in my home country, my parents had decent jobs and we lived in a nice town with many opportunities. However, it has always been my mum's dream to try to live abroad and she pressured my dad (who was hesitant about it) for many years till he finally gave in. Although it was just about my mom, my parents always said they want to move for my sake, to give me more opportunities and to let me "see the world".
We moved to a country my parents knew nothing about and they didn't even speak the local language. They both struggled to find and maintain jobs for years and the stress and problems with money caused them to fight all the time. I experienced many hardships at my new school like bullying and discrimination which forced me to drop out at 16 and I basically had to homeschool myself in a foreign language and without any support from my parents, although I used to be a great student back home. I was so stressed that I didn't have any time or capacity for having friends or hobbies and I had very limited educational opportunities. I also started struggling with depression that I have been having for 10 years now.
Although I was miserable, I never rebelled and tried my best to make my parents proud. I worked a lot and put all my needs and emotions behind. I hoped that eventually everything would turn right and I would find new friends and find my way. However, my depression got worse over time and at 22 I decided to move back to my home country.
It has been 2 years and my life is great now. I finally have friends, a relationship and an own life. However, now that I'm finally happy, I started hating my parents for making me go through such a difficult situation. I feel like they stole my youth, ruined my education and crashed my confidence so much that I will need years to recover. I resent them for not caring about how this would affect me and blaming me for my depression and problems. I treat them respectfully, but I stopped feeling close to them and basically see them as strangers. Being in a relationship and actually being loved and respected suddenly made me realise they never cared about me or loved me unconditionaly and I was just a burden for them. I feel like they have been manipulating me my whole life because they told me that all my problems are my fault so they don't have to deal with it and I actually believed it. I started believing I'm a worthless, incapable and antisocial person because they told me that's the reason why I'm struggling. They are now sad that I live so far away but I actually feel like I don't owe them to be close to them when they made me lose connection to all people and places I loved. AITAH for feeling like this?

I slept with my boss’ young daughter
2 years ago, when I was working for my old boss, I used to go round his house to help out his family. I was only 18 at the time and looked quite young so people thought that I was a bit younger than I was. This meant that I got quite close to his kids. At the time I wasn’t too sure of their ages but I knew they were around there. When I wasn’t working for their dad, me and the kids used to play, this included football and little games just to pass the time. I found that if we ever played anything rough the eldest daughter would always hold be for too long or touch me in private places. This did feel quite strange at first but I always put it down to her just getting involved and having fun. Eventually it got to the point where if we were sat together she would cuddle up to me. One time she lay on my chest just above where my cock was. At first I thought it was a bit strange that this girl was coming on to me so strongly but I must admit as it got more and more I started to really like what she did and seeing her everyday made my heart bounce. After this happened for a while, one rainy day me and her were alone in the house together, essentially cuddling. I moved my hand on to her breast so she pressured her ass on to my bulge. I started to kiss the back of her neck, which she liked, and played with her tits while she rubbed my cock. During this we slowly stripped each other off so we ended up lying there with my cock between her legs. I flipped her over and pulled her on top of me. She asked me to put it in her but to go slowly. I slowly entered her wet vagina, it was the tightest I’ve ever had. I held onto her waist moving her up and down, feeling every orgasm and every time she liked it. We stayed in that position for 5 mins before she said she was going to cum and came in and started to kiss me. I picked up the pace while she moaned my name in my ear. We came at the same time and lay there intertwined my cock still in her for 2 hours. I really feel for her that day and we started date. I only recently found out her age and it really interested me more. Am I a bad person?

so, long story short: I am dealing with depression, health anxiety and panic attacks. a few months ago, I forgot to take my meds a few days and after I started to take them again, I got the worst panic attack in my life, I thought I was having a mini stroke. I started to measure my blood pressure and it was way to high for my age. (27f). I went to the doctor and told him about my panic about strokes. I got bloodwork done, he took a ultrasonic from my organs and I got a longterm 24 hour measure for my blood pressure. today, I got my results back and what a surprise, I am perfectly fine. and the funniest thing: my blood pressure is perfect. he explained to me that if you have panic before you measure your blood pressure, it WILL BE HIGH. its all in my head and the wildest thing is, I was really sure that I need to take some meds for my blood pressure. but no.

Here is one for you all and its a long one. 44M here, been with my significant other for ~20 years, married for 11 years. At this point I don't feel like we are going to make it much longer. I don't think she wants to be with me anymore but needs me for financial support so she is trying to string me along.
Background:
I want to say right off that I know I am not perfect, have never pretended to be nor have I overlooked my shortcomings and have done everything I can to address and deal with my issues.At first things were good. We did things together, went out, hung out with friends together, bowled leagues together, had a lot of fun. We also had a good, sex life. We were having cuddling times, regular sex, great foreplay, she was pretty open to positions and trying things.
When we first got together she was working miscellaneous retail jobs. She had a 4 year college degree at this point as well but never even tried to find a job utilizing it. I was fine with her working whatever made her happy. I work in IT/Tech. I have always been the higher earner, making almost double her salary up until a couple years ago. I never once said anything about this, never gave her crap for making less or the job she worked. I only encouraged her to find a job she enjoyed. I went years, never saying anything that might hurt her, even when I was working 50-60+ hours of work in a tough field at a job I hated while she worked maybe 20-30 hours a week in a super easy job of her choosing. After about 10 years of us being together she finally decided to go back to school for computer science. To support her doing this we lived in a couple places and worked jobs I absolutely hated to make sure she could finish school without any pressure. Again, I never said anything to her about this, I did it so she could be happy. She ended up finishing and getting an extremely good paying tech job after a few years, around the time that I noticed the biggest changes about her. Prior to her latest job and changes, we were OK for a few years. We starting doing well together as we were both earning well and have no kids.
Start of problems:
After we were married for a few years she started changing. She stopped wanting to do things together, we went out less and less. Stopped watching shows and movies together, stopped gaming together. She started treating sex like a burden, made me feel bad for even trying to initiate it. She became more of a prude, stopped wanting to do almost anything sexual, stopped wanting cuddling/petting, lost almost all interest in foreplay that wasn't directly for her, she lost all interest in any type of intimacy, cuddling, foreplay, or really anything that isn't about her getting off.
I feel that I have been extremely patient over the years about all of this. She has some back issues (self inflicted, she was having soreness and pain but continued a workout regimen that was obviously not right and causing issues. I have tried to be understanding and accommodating since she had these issues. Sex was never really a big issue, even with the back problems we had a decent sex life until the last 5 or so years. She started wanting to do less and it really felt like she was just trying to get it over with (outside of when I was pleasuring her and getting her off. Once that was done it was like hurry up and finish.
More recently, last couple of years she has had 0 interest in sex or even anything physical. I mean I can barely kiss her, cant touch her at all without some excuse that it tickles or some other BS. No cuddling as she says I always pressure for sex, BS, I love foreplay and am happy with mutual getting off. I have mentioned the lack of intimacy, mentioning that is had been months since we did anything and it is always some excuse or a suggestion it may happen this weekend (going on 20+ " this weekend" without anything) . She has almost every excuse in the book as to why she doesn't want to without really having a good reason. She will blame her back bugging her but will then do a lot of work that is physically punishing, especially to someone with back issues and despite the fact that I said I would do it or try to help. I have also gotten several different things to help, wedge pillow to help with her back, tried it once and had some random complaint that I forget. She had mentioned trying a swing so she could have support in different positions. I found several options and she then made excuses about all of them, the primary one being support for the swing. I eventually called her on this being BS when the new house we got had a chain mount in one of the bedrooms ( looked like it was possibly for a heavy punching bag) that would be perfect for a swing and I tested it holding my full weight. I again mentioned getting a swing to make things better to only get additional excuses.
Further Issues:
We had always talked about wanting to move back to California and get a house there when we had the chance. We had also talked about houses we would like and things like that. When we started seriously talking about getting a house, she said she would check with work ahead of time about being able to move to another state as we had discussed, she did not. I don't think she even talked to her boss about it. She just refused to move outside of this state as she said her job required her to be her even though her boss lives in a completely different country.
When the time actually came to find and buy a house it did not work out the way I guess I had expected. Eventually, we purchased a house here after several fights as she decided she wanted a cheaper house to fix up. Not even considering the amount of work and money it would take to do so. One of her "options" was a run down ranch house that had a surprise renter (9 months left on a lease) in a very obviously water damaged basement. She picked out this house so she continued to try to justify buying it for about 100k over what it should be sold for. After about a week of looking at shitty houses and fighting she finally agreed to look at one of the houses I had chosen, the house we eventually purchased. It was a bit more but had almost all of our wants without the need to fix it up.
For the purchase, she provided the down payment from her inheritance and jointly financed the house. Once the purchase was finished and we moved in she changed, a lot. Things became more about what she wanted, she would mention things to me but completely ignore any input and just talk like what she wanted is what I chose too. Her dad then decided to visit and this was the largest wake up call I think I have had. I saw him doing all of the things that she does that annoy and frustrate me. I then realized that if I stay with her, dealing with this is my future. He took over the house and she treated me like an asshole for just wanting a bit of space that I could have to myself. She refused to deal with him or reign in his behavior. I think it was around this time that I realized that it felt like I didn't even have a home even though we just bought one, that I was just a wallet to help pay bills.
We ended up having a fight about this and I ended up leaving and staying at a hotel for a few days. This is where it got really eye opening as I considered this fight as something we would think about and get over. However, the first thing she did was talk to her friend and then reach out to divorce lawyers. She mentioned that she was talking to them about post nuptials to make sure she got the house and money. This was a signal to me, that she did not consider nor seem to appreciate all of the years that I spent working jobs I hated to supplement our income and cover for her while she went back to school. All it seemed she saw was that she got money now so the house and all of it was hers. She made a comment about how she felt the money, stocks, and house were hers. She added that she wanted a post nuptial to define this so I shouldn't be surprised if I get one to sign. Unsurprisingly, she never actually got this done, never mentioned it more so I am assuming she just got lazy and never followed up. One thing that stood out to me was that she mentioned that she could not afford the house by herself. She rambled off several things about us just being roommates and me continuing to pay for the house and bills. She came up with something about me paying and her giving me money back later or something, I ignored most of it as it was dumb, I.E. me leaving my checks going into our shared account and continuing to pay like I have been but doing so knowing she plans on keeping the house and that I might get some money later if she ever sold it. She also made a comment that I did a good job with the stocks so I should keep doing that for her and she would give me like a 1k in a few years. Since I started working with the portfolio and diversified the stocks I have made over 40k in gains for it so yeah I ignored this as I felt like it was insulting. This whole fight and conversation hit me hard, especially after 15+ years of me working hard, shitty jobs, to provide for us just to get slapped in the face by greed.
We ended up talking a bit after that fight after I ended up stopping by the house. She had mentioned previously about going to marriage counseling. I told her I didn't think it would help with our situation considering what the issues were but if she was willing to go and actually participate, I would be too. We ended up seeing a marriage counselor as she had suggested it previously and I wanted to try everything to make this work. I had previously mentioned that I didn't think it would work as she refuses to open up or discuss her issues with anyone and if she wont do that, it is a moot point. She said she would so we found a counselor and we went for a couple of months. During this time I was very open about my thoughts and feelings and gave the counselor details on my issues. She however, did not provide anything ahead of time, participate much, would not open up, and eventually said that we might as well not go as she didn't feel like we were gaining anything.
Turning Point:
I think the f*ck it point, straw that broke the camels back for me is that about a month ago, around 10 months or so since we had any kind of intimacy we had a fight. During the fight she admitted that she actually masturbates fairly regularly which really, really pissed me off as she knows the lack of sex and any kinds of intimacy was a big issue for me and was causing a lot of frustration. I was quiet about it as what I would have said would have started a big fight. I am now struggling because I cant really get over the fact that she shows me no interest, wont let me touch her, we haven't had sex in months and she admits to masturbating instead of having sex with me when she knows I am extremely sexually frustrated. To me, this shows her lack of caring about me and shows that she only really cares about herself and what she wants. This is furthered by conversations with her family I have overheard because she talks super loud on the phone and I guess she didn't realize I could hear her in the other room. This last conversation was essentially her talking about the money again and additional money she may get when her dad passes. She made the comment to them that in hindsight she would have made me sign a prenup as all of the money she has gotten and will get belongs to their family and she wants to keep it in their family. This was another moment when I was like what the hell, I am not your family?
I am torn, I have been with her for a long time, I do care for her, but she shows no interest in being with me. No interest in a relationship, doesn't want to do things together (she even said that if I want her do more things with me I have to do things she wants to do first), nothing for how I feel, what I want, no cuddling, no touching, nothing. It came down to the fact that she essentially wants a roommate that pays for her to have the house, help with chores, and helps take care of the dogs without expecting anything in return. She does not seem to get how she is, care how I feel, what I want, or really care about anything that does not benefit her.
I am at my breaking point, I have tried for years to give her everything and now as thanks, I get nothing from her. I am getting to old to keep wasting time in a loveless, sexless relationship but am also having a hard time walking away from a relationship I have been in for so long. After writing this out I am also realizing, well more wondering, what the f*ck I am doing as it seems pretty obvious I am bailing water out of a sinking boat.

After being in stressful events i started to having weak neck feeling back pain, stiff back,tight jaw and got spasm when looking now my posture is like chin tucked pls help wht to do I also have strenum popping,sinus pain etc my whole body feels like it's misaligned

Located in CA
I took my 9 yr old lab Ivy to the vet for an emergency visit in the beginning of March. Our regular vet couldn’t take her so we had to go to the 24/7 animal hospital. They are excellent and I was willing to pay for whatever they needed to do to help ivy.
She had been very obviously sick and in pain, puking, diarrhea, not wanting to eat. They did an ultrasound, blood panel, urinalysis, fluids, meds. They found elevated liver enzymes and ketones in her urine. She was so sick they wanted to hospitalize her overnight. I asked what they would be doing and they said monitoring. I asked if I could just monitor her myself at home and bring her back right away if she gets worse? They gave me a couple prescriptions and sent us home. -$1729
I didn’t realize until the next day they didn’t give us any pain meds or anything to help Ivy’s eating (I’d tried seriously all the bland diet options, she didn’t want any of it) I went back to get her pain meds and prescription food, and the girl says they forgot to charge me for something else so she added that on too. -$150
Ivy was getting better slowly but still not her normal happy self at all. Sad, droopy eyes, wanting to sit curled up in my lap like a baby 😭 I kept doing everything they said and I took her back about a month later to check her levels again. We saw the vet, then went back out to the busy lobby to wait until someone came out to tell me the results or medications or whatever. So I sat in the lobby and waited, I asked a few times for updates bc I needed to get back to work. After 3 hours I asked if they could check and see what was going on.
There was another dog named Ivy there that morning and the receptionist closed out MY Ivy’s account (and charged the other lady’s card -$566 of my charges). I was annoyed and paid my bill (non-itemized invoice bc she couldn’t find mine) and Ivy and I went straight to work. Ivy is my service dog and sleeps under my desk.
They said the liver enzymes and urine ketone levels were both back to a normal level which was great news. They still couldn’t really give me a clear answer as to what could’ve caused all of this, sometimes they eat things, or just get sick, whatever. She said a slow recovery was normal bc livepancreas stuff is unpredictable, painful, and can take a while to heal.
The hospital’s office called me the next day to apologize for making me wait so long and reimbursed $316 (the liver panel, I think, I don’t have an itemized invoice). They offered this without me asking which I really appreciated.
Ivy has still been sick, but definitely better than when I first took her in. She was still acting sad, no interest in her favorite things. I knew she was in pain and brought her to a different vet last week.
Dr.S had been Ivy’s vet most of her life at our regular vet’s office - we love him. He left and started his own practice,and I just found his new location is 15 minutes away from my house!! It was kind of secretive when he left the other place, I think out of respect for the owners and not take half the clients with him. Anyway, I was really happy to find him again, I fully trust him. He was Ivy’s vet at her 8-week old visit, did her spay, all of it. Ivy is scared of men she doesn’t know and she loves Dr. S.
He took a look in her mouth and was like Whoa! Found it! He saw one badly rotten and cracked tooth in the back and wanted to get scheduled for removal right away. I bought the senior wellness plan for -$998. I was quoted $1200-1600 for surgery. (He was also going to remove a large benign mass from her side since she’d be under anesthesia already, I’d been wanting to do this for a few years so this is something I wanted him to do also)
This Tuesday was surgery day. He ended up removing 3 teeth, a molar on each side, and a front tooth that was cracked and broken off (I knew about this, I’d been told it wasn’t anything to be concerned about).
He said one of the molars and the front tooth both had exposed roots, the back one had an abscess and the root was touching the bone. He asked if I wanted the pictures bc it was really interesting and you don’t usually see it so advanced 😞 He said this is definitely what has been hurting her and making it hard to eat. He said they must have not looked in Ivy's mouth at all if they didn’t notice it- twice??
He didn’t have enough time to remove the mass. He said he wasn’t comfortable keeping her under any longer due to her age and blood pressure levels. Unless it grows rapidly we’re leaving it for now.
-$350 for everything this day, including surgery time & anesthesia, full dental cleaning & sealant,office visit, sedated nail trim, medications, canned soft food, heart worm testing, some other stuff included with the senior wellness package.
It’s been two days since she got her teeth out and she’s already smiling again. She was jumping around and trying to play with her brother (cat) and she only does that when she’s really excited!! Ivy is the best dog I could ever ask for. Seeing her in pain has been so hard, because I couldn’t help her!! I was trying everything but it wasn’t working. I’m so glad we found it and I think she will be able to get better now. I wasn’t so sure for awhile there.
I called the hospital place and told them what I found out and asked what happened. How could they have missed this- TWICE? The girl was really nice and agreed this was a “very valid concern” and asked me to explain everything to her and she would talk to the medical director, try to get some answers for me, and get back to me. She asked what I wanted the resolution to be. I said I thought it would be appropriate to ask for all of my charges to be refunded in relation to this event over the past couple months including Dr. S’s charges.
She called me back when I was at dinner so I missed her call.
Is this right? I don’t know what I’m looking for, feedback, reassurance, guidance? This is malpractice, right??
I talked to Dr.S’s receptionist today, she’s going to send me the photos and a breakdown of charges between the wellness plan and what I had done, try to make sense of what would be appropriate to ask them to refund. I kinda also want to ask them for $200 flat to reimburse the food/groceries spent trying to get her to eat, literally anything I could try on her bland diet, I tried! I don’t have receipts but I know I spent a shit ton of money as Ivy’s short order cook the last couple months. (Today she scarfed down her regular food for the first time in forever, I cried). Is this pushing it too far? Should I just take whatever they offer me?
What about the fact Ivy spent 2 1/2 months in pain & suffering from the time I brought her in to the day Dr. S did her surgery? She has lost weight, and has been pretty obviously miserable the whole time.
Thanks for reading.

“Incredible!”
The rebel reeled from the punch, the fist slamming through his protective helmet and cracking his jaw. He choked out a sob at the pain and the feeling of several of his teeth being knocked down his throat.
“This? This is what you send to try and rebel against the Imperium?! THIS?!”
A harsh kick was sent into the rebels stomach, making him cough up the rations he had that morning and a few of the once missing teeth. He grabbed his stomach and his body made to tilt forward and lay in the dust.
Only he was stopped as an armored gauntlet grabbed him by the throat and forced him to stand. His hands came up and grabbed at his attackers wrist as he stared into his own grim reaper.
Said killer wore the helmet of the Macraggian Auxilia, his faceplate being that of a stylized skull. His rank was shown proudly in the form of a centurions plum, blue and white horsehair picked out atop a gilded mount on the top of his helmet.
“Incredible. It’s truly incredible what passes for rebellion these days hm?”
The soldiers behind the centurion laughed or smiled as they watched their leader hoist the rebel up as if the rebel was some game beast that was just recently hunted. Pressure in the form of steam shot out of the centurions wrist, betraying the hidden augmented limb under the armor. The rebel tried to speak, scratching at the Centurion’s arm.
“What? Speak up damn you, and speak clearly. I have no time or patience to hear some long speech about tyranny or whatever else. We have your city to burn insurgent.”
And burn it would. Two large tanks with massive flamers could be seen in the back, protected by infantry and assault vehicles. The main force would break the walls, the infantry would kill the people, and the tanks would burn the rest to ashes.
“Aghh….thill….you….thasard!”
The rebel said, spitting blood and bone fragments from his shattered jaw through what was left of his faceplate.
“Ah. Nothing interesting to say. Oh well.”
The rebel tried in vain to speak again but was silenced as the centurion forced a power gladius through his mouth. He was then unceremoniously dropped to the dust, choking on blood as he watched the Macraggian soldiers march on his home. The last thing he saw before dying was his killer, taking his helmet off and smiling in a wide, cocky manner. ————————————————————————
“Don’t spare the body men, he was a rebel. March over him.”
Tiberius Victor, Centurion of the 3rd Macraggain Legion, yelled as he wiped the grim that had built up over his helmet. He scowled at the filth that adorned his armor and sighed.
“Bloody rebels will pay for more than just rebellion. Look at this! They scratched my faceplate! And that bastard I just killed dared to spit blood at me! Oh they will pay tenfold.”
He chuckled and shrugged as he replaced his helmet. He rolled his head and drew the lapistol he had holstered at his side. He examined it for a moment before shaking his head.
“Ugh….to easy.”
He holstered the pistol again and flourished his gladius as he grabbed the handholds of a Leman Russ tank that was about to pass him by. He climbed up until he stood on top of the tank and crouched down, using his newfound height to look over his army and the objective.
The city was massive….but so were the last three he had burned. Both Imperial Army and even Ultramarine Legion Command had told him he was too far ahead and that he needed to slow down. But where was the fun in that? Besides, the campaign has been far too easy thus far. He had suffered very few casualties, his men were never hungry and his tanks never ran dry on fuel, and the enemy bled. Oh how they bled.
He sighed.
“Easy. Far too easy. Captain?”
The command hatch the tank he rode popped open and a woman in the dirty coveralls and goggled helmet of a tank commander. She looked around, rubbing her eyes before turning and smiling widely. She gave a crisp salute, one which he lazily returned, before nodding.
“Aye my Centurion?”
“Do we have any more wine about? I’m parched from all these victories we keep piling on.”
The captain cringed then turned towards the city.
“Uh….my centurion? Wouldn’t you rather have some water?”
Tiberius turned his head towards the captain, the tilt of his head betraying the cocky smile hidden beneath that the captain and the rest of the army had come to love and hate.
“Captain….are you questioning me?”
“I-no! No, of course not my centurion! But uh….well….”
He made a ‘go on’ motion with his hand, not bothering to stand up from the relaxed position he had taken. He had laid down on his side, his sword hand having sheathed his gladius to prop his head up.
“Well….shouldn’t uh….shouldn’t wine be saved for victory?”
The centurion stared at her for a moment. A very long moment. Perhaps….to long of a moment.
“I….I apologize my centurion! I will-“
Laughter. The centurion was laughing, something he rarely did outside of combat or when around the campfires at night. He laughed loudly and caught the attention of several other Auxilia soldiers.
“True! Haha! I knew I kept you around for something Captain. Fine, me and you shall share the first bottle of wine after that….excuse for a city burns. Return to your duties captain.”
He waved the captain off then turned his head back to the city, not moving out of his relaxed position. She knew better then to consider him lazy or incompetent, she had seen him in action.
She saluted and quickly went back down into her tank. ————————————————————————
He held his helmet in the crook of his arm. He breathed in deeply, smiling as he watched the city burn. Something grabbed his boot and looked down, only to scowl in disgust.
A woman, her lower half aflame with one leg missing, held onto his boot and shin guard.
“Please….mercy! We surrender!”
He raised an eyebrow and followed the trail the rebel left in the dust to see several more wounded and scared rebels. One held up a white rag on a piece of rebar as a white flag.
Several of his auxilia aimed their rifles at the rebels as a sergeant began to moved forward with a pair of restraints.
He was stopped by Tiberius’s sword.
“Sergeant? What are you doing?”
“Uh…taking prisoners sir?”
The centurion tilted his head and smiled widely.
“Prisoners? I don’t recall ordering anyone to take prisoners.”
He lifted his boot and stomped on the wounded woman’s head, smiling wickedly at the crunch he heard under his foot.
“Uh….no my Centurion but legion command has-“
“Legion command? You are taking orders from Ultramarines instead of telling me that such orders have come through?”
“There was no time sir! The orders came fro-“
Tiberius put his helmet on and shoved the sergeant to the side, ripping the rifle from the soldiers hands.
“I see no space marines here soldier. I see soldiers and I see rebels. We kill rebels because we are soldiers.”
He took aim at the closest rebel, put his finger on the trigger and-
“Thats enough Centurion.”
He stopped. He slowly turned his head towards the new, feminine voice behind him.
“Excuse me troo-“
He stopped again and stared. She had to have been 10 feet or at least close, this goddess in blue and gold. Her short, cropped hair was golden blonde and a green, metallic laurel wreath was wrapped around her head to add to her noble features. She came with several ultramarines as an honor guard in tow but he was sure she could handle anything thrown her way with ease.
“The Lady of Macragge.”
He whispered in awe before looking around. Those under his command had shared his awe but where he shook himself free, the rest still stared.
“Damn you all, our Lady is here! Bow damn you! All of you bow!”
He paced up and down the line, ensuring his auxilia bowed. He then turned towards the rebels and pointed at the guards who stood over them.
“Them too, cmon now. Bow!”
The rebels resisted the guards orders and movements. The centurions rage grew as he stormed over and pulled his gladius from its sheath.
“I command thee BOW.”
He sliced the back of the knees of one of the captives, the man yelping in pain before yelling in agony from his nearly cut tendons. The rest fell in line quickly.
Tiberius marched towards the Primarch, her honor guard bringing their weapons to bare only for him to kneel down and stab his gladius into the dirt.
“My Lady. Centurion Tiberius Victor of the 3rd Macraggian Legion reporting.”
The Primarch stared down at the Centurion before her eyes went up and around. She took note of the rather large number of prisoners and the burning cityscape around them.
“A good campaign Centurion?”
Tiberius nodded, smiling widely under his helmet.
“Yes my Lady. I only wish it weren’t so boring, so easy! But it is done.”
It took every ounce of self control to not scowl at his arrogant and cocky nature. He spoke as if he had stomped on a bug rather than a rebels skull. Yet….something about him caught her attention.
“Remove your helm centurion.”
He did so without delay, removing his helmet and setting it at her feet. His hair was cut in the traditional military ‘high and tight’ fashion and he was mostly clean cut save for a well trimmed mustache that went no further than the corners of his mouth.
“I recall telling my command staff to recall you back as you had pushed to far ahead. Yet we stand here at the city we were meant to take, the one we were meant to hold. The one….that is currently burning to ashes around us. What do you have to say for yourself Centurion?”
He said nothing for a long time. Then, to her surprise, he laughed. The auxilia around them slowly looked at each other, their faces hidden beneath their helmets but all were worried or tense.
“Hahah! Ah….I say mission accomplished my Lady. I also say that this light really brings out the color of your eyes.”
He laughed again and slowly stood up while extending his arms out wide.
“I say I give you the best gift this galaxy can offer to someone like you from someone like me.”
His smile grew into the same cocky, full of himself grin those under his command knew so well.
“I give you victory, my Lady Juno.”
He held his gladius up and flourished it, letting the blade catch the firelight of a dying city.
“Victory.”

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Anglestan
Augustus 5, 1923
Facility 9, Mancheston
Colonel Jacobs
His hands flew through the folders General Jorgenson and Colonel Thatcher had. There were dozens of them, stacked upon each other all filed in alphabetical order. It had only been a few days since he had woken up from his coma and visited his home— now his mother’s grave. He clenched his fists at the thought. The grief and rage threatened to bubble and spill over once again. He took a deep breath and dragged out the exhale, almost to the point where he had emptied out his lungs.
He was the only one with clearance, and so he couldn’t disclose any of what he learned with his team. They would simply have to trust him and his judgment. Which he was sure they would do. His hands went over one of the folders skimming through it. There were multiple secret projects, but the ones with the most notes were Project S.T.A.R, Project L.U.N.A.R.I, Project R.E.V.I.V.E, Project D.A.W.N, and Project T.E.M.P.L.A.R.
The colonel decided to start with the most notes and papers. Project D.A.W.N.
He skimmed through the notes, reading through some of the details and highlighted words. Project D.A.W.N, the espionage project Thatcher had started placed two spies in Verlin who were to report directly to a Crescent general named Sienna Moretti who was apparently on humanity’s side.
So I was right. There was an espionage element. With the recent attacks and Thatcher’s death, however, it’s safe to assume that it had somehow failed. Either they got found out or they betrayed us. Both seem very likely, but if they were found out, it would be possible that they had died.
He read through all of it before setting the folder down. There were no new notes recently. He sighed and assumed that Project DAWN was a failure. Whether or not the agents were still alive and well, it was too risky to check if they had been compromised. It was better to assume that they had been and cut all contact. The only way to find out now was to go there himself and check. I can’t contact them again. There’s no telling if it would still be Moretti or the agents who would see my messages. It’s a big risk, and judging by the state of things, best to assume it failed.
He picked up another folder. This one had the label ‘under development’ on the folder. Project Templar. He opened the folder and was instantly met with a blueprint and drawings of a massive bipedal machine. It looked humanoid with strange proportions and was supposed to be standing at an impressive 30 meters, or 100 feet. The Titanic Engine Mech for Personal Land Assault and Reconnaissance.
It was apparently a joint project with the Church of Sol, utilizing new and advanced technologies he hadn’t heard of. A 203mm Gatling cannon on one arm, while the other had three different weapons. A massive firestarter that utilized a new type of fuel mixture that could theoretically spew flames a kilometer away using a high-pressure nozzle. The fuel was ignited using an electrical spark. The second weapon was a high-powered light weapon that fired a single powerful beam of focused light that was even further amplified by layers of focusing lenses that could increase its output several times. Its third weapon was… a dust domina?
Mark read through the specifications of the so-called ‘sand cannon’ weapon. It was a massive cannon that accelerated tiny particles several times. Each particle was to be electrically charged, and it would travel at immense speeds. Near impossible speeds. The resulting impact of a microscopic particle at such speeds would be enough to form a small crater and punch through armor like it was nothing. This weapon would fire multiple at the same time, which could literally eat away at anything on the opposing end.
In terms of secondary weapons, the titan had two missile launch chambers in front of its shoulder each containing about 40 missiles, and two massive howitzer cannons on top of it. Both are 800mm in caliber. It had massive stumpy legs that served as bunkers for a small platoon on each leg. Each leg had machine dominas and 155mm cannons. Its chassis held two nuclear reactors inside providing for its power and weaponry. Its armor was the thickest and most ridiculous he’d ever read. Two meters of heavy steel armor.
How far are we in terms of technology? This thing looks like it came out of an H.G. Wells sci-fi novel. He thought, shaking his head. It was over the top, but there was no denying its combat capabilities. If it was already under-developed then it must be the first prototype. This has already been approved. Guess I better see it for myself later and check how it's coming along. Construction apparently started just a few months before the invasion.
Next was project L.U.N.A.R.I. It was a project involving Six. “Huh,” he said, continuing to read on.
The Light Undone: Nocturnal’s Adaptive Resistance Initiative. As he read further, his eyes widened. The reason why Six was so special wasn’t just because of her immunity to all strigoi weaknesses, but because of her impressive ability to turn any true born strigoi like her. She could transfer her strain like any other strigoi and transform them into a version of hers. It however only seemed to work for naturally born strigoi. The new species of ‘half-breeds’ were called ‘Blessed Children’ as Thatcher had coined in the folder.
The plan was to turn all willing true-born hemolite strigoi into these blessed children. Able to withstand the sun. Immune to silver. Free from the dependency on blood. They could remove all the weaknesses of the strigoi and after the war— make it possible to integrate them into society as normal citizens living on the surface. The project folder also made mentions of a city-wide draft in Dante and highlighted the possibility of turning all Dantenite true born strigoi into these blessed children and renaming them as ‘Lunari’. A mix of the dark and the light. The light of Sol reflected in the children of the night.
“Thatcher, what the fuck have you been up to…” Mark whispered to himself.
While it was true that it could help in the war effort by utilizing Six and the dantenite population, it would also invite some unforeseen problems and consequences. Would humanity be okay with the Lunari? Would the world even be ready for them? Strigoi who were immune to the sun. They wouldn’t be impossible to kill, but they would be immensely more powerful if we were to take away their inherent weaknesses. This is a gamble. Its gain would only be seen during the war period, but its unintended effects on society could be catastrophic.
He frowned, setting the folder down. It was obviously Thatcher’s main plan; seeing as all her moves could be traced to the path of the eventual completion of this project. It seemed dangerous in the long run, but the duskwalkers and dantenites had been monumental in the war effort. Maybe it was the time the world started to accept them more. Isolation and segregation was definitely not the way to disperse fears and foster understanding.
If Thatcher thinks this is the next step forward… then I’ll put my faith in her plans.
Next up was Project S.T.A.R, or the Superior Tech and Adaptive Resistance. An upgrade to the current hemolite weapons and gear by using new researched studies. The Starfire Pattern Domina. The SFD-23 This thing features a new loading system and magazine, ditching the rotating cylinder most domina used, or the rotating helix magazine design of the current hemolite standard BM-16 domina.
The new domina had its magazine like a box… a strange design but it was certainly easier to handle than the bulky cylinders the helical mags used. In terms of ergonomics, it was smoother and fit more. Its placement however was on top of the domina, just above the barrel. Most of the weapon were to be made of lightweight polymers and the barrel itself were to be crafted out of reinforced aluminium. In addition to that, it had a 10-inch bayonet attached to it.
There were other new things as well, such as the composition of the bullet. Looking at the conceptual cross-section designs, Mark read through its description and how it would function. A .308 cased telescoped bullet covered in a silver jacket with break-away petals surrounding the main body. Inside the jacket was a penetrator core that was to be made of depleted uranium. It had a small amount of incendiary compound and… powdered white phosphorus behind an explosive compound. The thin silver jacket would deform and trigger the explosive compound inside the body. It would blow up causing massive internal damage and release the incendiary materials into the body with the flecks of powdered white phosphorus. The penetrator core could still potentially keep going and hit a second target, or punch through heavily armored targets.
Part of the new Project S.T.A.R was overhauling the armor and gear of not just the Hemolites but the Hunters as well. Starfire Mk 1. Carapace Armor. Carapace? It looked like plates of steel covered in a rubberized coat. It was supposed to be slipped on over the original hemolite body armor. It added a spring-loaded wrist blade to the gauntlet, a thicker coat made of resistant materials, and added extra padding for the knees, shoulders, and elbows.
However, the hemolites weren’t the only ones mentioned in the folder. It was to serve the Hunters as well. “Hunters…” Mark said. “August’s group is part of this initiative too.” He flipped through some of the pages. There were blueprints and drawings of an armored suit. A mechanized suit even smaller and more compact than the jotunn units. The Mark 1 STR battlesuit. It was supposed to hug the wearer’s frame and increase their overall power. It was supposed to be built of titanium alloy and a heavy steel frame with composite armor. It had a cooling system, life support systems that could recycle bodily fluids, and an exoskeleton frame that could increase the wearer’s strength and speed.
However, the real eye-opener was Thatcher’s notes. She had been ranting about the new human evolution, and how the Hunters were the first of the ‘Solari’. She wanted to enhance human genetics and push past the peak of human ability to reach greater heights. Implants and restructuring of the anatomy to make it more efficient. Using the blood of the goddess herself. She must have lost it. These are the ramblings of a lunatic. At least… if she didn’t mention the goddess. Why was the goddess important here?
The writings ended with the words: “See Project R.E.V.I.V.E, for more details.”
Mark eyed the final folder. His hands shook as he reached out to take it. Flipping it open, his hands nearly dropped it in shock. The goddess Helena was alive. There were pictures of her naked form floating in a giant tube of fluid. There were more of Thatcher’s ramblings and excited rants about the possibilities of such a discovery. Resurrection, Enhancement, and Veneration: Implementation of Visionary Evolution.
The goddess is alive?! According to the file, she’s currently under the Cathedral of New Lundun. Not only that, but the file also detailed the extraterrestrial tech that lay beneath the cathedral. So the goddess is real and she’s— not really a goddess, but rather, a vampyr who created herself a human body to stand in the sun, and decided that it wants to be on humanity’s side… what the fuck.
Mark’s frown and confusion only increased as he read on. Thatcher’s notes seemed to nearly descend into madness as she had written about creating ‘the first hundred’, alluding to the 100 members of the Hunters division. Her plan was to revive the goddess, and with her help and expertise in genetics— use her DNA to transform the Hunters into demi-humans. Super soldiers. Literal children of the goddess Helena. They would then don the STR battlesuits, the first of the superhuman warriors to defend humanity. Solari.
Their lightning-speed advancement into technology was heralded by studying the alien tech, which deepened the understanding of physics and engineering. Nuclear technologies, chemical warfare, new material sciences, the mechs, and walkers, it was spearheaded by trying to reverse-engineer technology centuries ahead of our own… for the past hundred years. It wasn’t completely stolen, however. More or less borrowed ideas that had been made into our own with our own designs and implements. Still, the speed at which the Church and the military had deciphered such advancements all by themselves was… impressive to say the least.
Still, the fact that the goddess was alive, and could be brought back was big news. Checking the file for details, he found that the previous general, Jorgenson, had already approved this project. It was their next step as soon as they returned from New Amsterdam; which never happened.
If Helena was alive, then she could end this war swiftly, or at the very least help greatly like she once did during the War of Darkness. Having the goddess back would throw a massive wrench in the Crescent’s plans. It would certainly be something they wouldn’t expect. Not even I expected this, since many sources say that the goddess had already ascended to watch over humanity, while conspiracy theorists claim she had died in battle and that the Church was worshiping a corpse. This could be the trick up our sleeves that no one would even consider.
The colonel quickly got up from his seat and gathered the main files he had read. He placed them in a bag and rushed outside of his office in Facility 9. He went over to a nearby room and flicked the lights on. “We need to go,” he said. In an instant seven hemolite soldiers got up from whatever they were doing and instantly stood in line.
“Sir! Whatever you need of us, sir,” the group said in unison.
They were Hemo-1. His former squad members. He had taken up Louis' suggestion that they be his personal security detail. It was a shame that he had basically placed the best hemolite team out of commission, but after all he had been through he convinced himself that he could be just a little selfish. He didn’t want to lose any more friends. Not on his watch. Not while he was in an office, and they were out fighting.
“We’re going to New Lundun. Better pack up, it’s going to be a long night.”
“Mark,” Olivia said.
Jacobs turned to her direction and gave her a nod.
“Colonel, sir, may I ask where in New Lundun?”
“Liv, you don’t need to do that with me. Please. I give all of you special permission,” the colonel groaned. “It’s so weird. I mean, ‘captain’ was bad enough, but now you’re acting like I’m an authority figure.”
“You… are, though,” Emma shrugged.
“I’m your friend, and Liv I’m literally your partner. Unless you have some kind of weird fetish, save it for later.”
Olivia grinned, shaking her head. “Duly noted!” she chirped.
“That’s better,” Mark chuckled. “Now come on, we have a cathedral to visit.”
“Uhh, I’m not sure if you noticed, but we’re kinda… strigoi?!” Louis groaned. “I’d burn the moment I step in that place! Plus, it’s coated in silver! Anything I even touch will give me burns!”
“Oh come on, Lou. You have fucking gloves on. As long as you’re not a clumsy dumbass you’ll be fine… oh wait.’
“Uh huh, just sayin’ what I think, boss.”
The group headed out and Mark said something on his radio. He then sat on the ground, making his joints pop. The rest of the squad shrugged and followed his example, sitting down on the grass and waiting for… nothing. Charles and Zach looked at each other in confusion. “Uh, sir?” they asked. “Aren’t we supposed to be heading out and traveling right now?”
“Oh yeah, we’re just waiting.”
“Foooor…?”
The colonel gave them a smirk as a loud noise began to make itself known. A hummingbird transport appeared out of the distance and stopped right above them, slowly descending into the grass. “Being colonel has its perks,” Mark said with a smile. He stood up and hopped inside the hummingbird as soon as it landed. “Come on now! We’ve got work to do! Last one aboard buys everyone food later!”
Emma zipped in before Mark could even finish his sentence, followed by Olivia, Phineas, Charles, Zach, and then Louis, who sadly took too long to process what the colonel said, and lagged behind.
“Aw, man! Fuck this shit.”
“Rules are rules, Lou. Prepare your wallet later.” Mark grinned.
With a smile, the colonel pulled Olivia to his side, who blushed for a moment before shaking her head. “Take us up! New Lundun Cathedral! How long would it take?” he asked the pilot.
“About an hour and a half!” The pilot replied. “Less if you want to get there as soon as possible!”
“Take your time! The night’s still young.”
The hummingbird started to lift up, taking them into the air. The group settled down in their seats and watched outside the open. Mark opened up a bag inside the hummingbird and took out some ear muffs built for a strigoi. Extremely loud noises were damaging for a strigoi’s enhanced hearing, so the military started implementing ear muffs for them after complaints from early deployments of the hemolite squads.
The trip didn’t take too long. In only an hour and twenty minutes they had arrived at the safe zone of New Lundun, heading straight for the cathedral. The night mass had just ended and people were leaving the cathedral. “Looks like we made it in perfect time!” Mark smiled. They hovered for a few minutes in the air before eventually landing down right in front of the statue of Helena.
As soon as they landed, the colonel and his group left the hummingbird. Mark instructed the pilot to wait for them. He went straight for the cathedral with his group following behind. He entered inside, clearing his throat. “Hello?”
“Well this is surely unexpected,” an old man said, walking up to greet them.
“Great Grandfather Aurelius. It’s uh, an honor.”
“Please. The honor is mine… I see you’re the new colonel. Yes, I’ve heard the news,” he said. “Would you mind telling me your name, young man? As well as your companions, if they feel so. I usually don’t allow duskwalkers here but, I have nothing against them. I’ll make an exception for your group.”
“Thank you, Great Grandfather,” Mark replied. “I am Colonel Mark Jacobs. These are my friends and security detail. Olivia, Zach, Phineas, Charles, Emma, and Louis.”
“I see, and what brings you here?”
“Since Thatcher’s demise, I was given access to her research and project folders upon taking up the title. I’ve learned about what’s under your cathedral,” Mark cleared his throat. “Would it be alright if we could see it? I’d like to check it for myself. Of course, under your permission and guidance, Great Grandfather.”
The church head looked from Mark to his companions. He pulled a slight frown and hummed. “Do these companions of yours have the clearance? Surely, we wish to keep our secrets hidden,” he said. Mark nodded.
“They do not have clearance to know what is in Thatcher’s folders and her findings,” the colonel nodded. “However, I give them permission to accompany me, and should they discover things for themselves, then you have my word and my trust that I can keep them from spilling state secrets.”
The Great Grandfather gave a short pause before ultimately relenting. “Very well,” he let out a sigh. “Follow me.”
Aurelius walked behind the altar and pulled the same lever, which opened the same staircase leading underground, where Jorgenson and Thatcher had once gone. “Over here, colonel,” he said. “I do not know you completely yet, but this is a big deal of trust I am giving you. Perhaps you would be the one to do things that Thatcher could not have.”
Mark nodded, he and his group followed the Great Grandfather down the staircase. It led down to a massive underground facility, with numerous priests, researchers, and scientists. Libraries, records, instruments, and artifacts of old. It was a treasure trove of learning.
“So,” Aurelius cleared his throat. “What would you like to know about?”
“This isn’t all of it,” Mark said. “Thatcher mentioned a living, breathing, Helena.”
His group behind him let out a soft gasp, but they tried their best to hide their surprise.
“Hm,” the Great Grandfather nodded. “Perceptive young man aren’t you? Very well.”
They were then led into another room, behind a set of heavy blast doors. If the whole group were trying to hide their surprise then, now they could barely contain it. Even the colonel stared awestruck at the things he had seen. Despite the near-magical objects around them, the true shock was the massive starship at the end of the hallway. “It’s impressive isn’t it?” Aurelius said. “All of the goddess’ artifacts and items at our disposal, to use and learn from, to integrate into our own. This is why Anglestan is the most powerful nation in the UHT in terms of development. When it comes to industry, however, that would go to the UNA. But we share our secrets with them. All our advancements are handed to them first before any other nation.”
“This is all amazing, Great Grandfather,” Mark replied. “But this is not what I’m here for.”
“No, it’s not.” Aurelius nodded.
He led them to another room, one that was sterilized and sported advanced machinery. Things that Mark had never even seen. There were screens with luminous green texts that appeared in front of it. Large panels with numerous keys, levers, and dials. Graphs of all sorts and beeping monitors. In the center, was the very thing he had come all this way to confirm. A large cylinder filled with liquid, sporting tubes and pipes connecting to its base. Inside was a woman of large proportion. Four arms, two legs, and six wings. In her bare chest was a symbol of the sun that seemed to glow dimly.
“There she is, there’s you goddess.”
Neither Mark nor his group spoke a word. He walked up to it, eyeing the woman inside. It really is her. Down to the last details. Golden hair, six limbs, six folded wings, and she looks massive. Probably as big as her statue just outside the cathedral. This is it. The very goddess in the history books, the one spoken about in legends and the one worshiped in the Churches of Sol.
“Can we free her?” he said.
The Great Grandfather nearly choked on his spit upon hearing those words. “Free her?! That could kill her! We don’t even understand this technology, let alone control it!” he said pointing at the panels. “The machines you see here are the best and most advanced we have based on what we can reverse engineer, but even then, the consequences of tampering with its functions may be disastrous!”
“I understand, Great Grandfather,” Mark said. “But we are in a dire situation, and the goddess may be our hope of turning this around. Whatever secrets of her tech that you don’t understand, wouldn’t she be able to teach us directly? What good is she floating around in Sol knows what?”
“That is her miraculous healing fluid. She had already built this contraption centuries ago in case anything were to happen to her, that her body’s natural healing could not sustain,” Aurelius said. “During the War of Darkness, Helena was struck with a weapon so deadly, her very cells began to tear away. The Reaper. Dealt to her by Absolem the progenitor. Her flesh was peeling from her body, and she began to decay whilst she still breathed. She entered this contraption and gave strict instructions to the Great Grandfather at the time, not to interrupt the healing process. The machine that monitored her, however, began to fail over time.”
“So this… these screens and panels…”
“Is only what functions we can understand. We took it upon ourselves to rebuild and study it the best we could. What we have right now is only a cheap imitation of a technology we do not fully comprehend,” he said. “It took us decades to even figure out the fundamentals and create a working prototype of this machine. By some miracle, the goddess’ healing process had remained even while we replaced components of technology ahead of ours.”
“But you know how to free her, don’t you?”
“I… yes.”
“Great Grandfather Aurelius,” Mark began. “We can end this war. Imagine what we could do with the goddess fighting on our side. We could advance even further, we could finally end the bloodshed, and we can show humanity that there is still hope. Imagine how people all over the world would feel seeing as their goddess has returned.”
“I wish I had your enthusiasm,” Aurelius said. “But it is simply too risky. The Church’s duty is to protect Helena and her legacy. We keep her alive, literally and figuratively. She nearly died the last time she was involved in a war. Would you risk losing the goddess?”
“Would you risk humanity losing?”
The Great Grandfather fell silent, looking back at Helena floating inside the tube, then to the panels that controlled it. He frowned and let out a long sigh. “The goddess said that we should not interrupt it. That it would end as soon as it was finished. Maybe we should trust her words.”
Mark shook his head. “I don’t spot a single blemish on the goddess. Not a single scratch,” he argued. “You said it yourself that the machine had begun to fail and you replaced components. How would you know that the thing that’s supposed to wake her up was not tampered with? Think about it. What you may think is a useless piece may be integral to the whole machine. Or maybe your replacements were not up to the task. Just because nothing’s happened doesn’t mean its functions have remained whole.”
“Young man, we simply cannot gamble with the goddess’ life here.”
“Have you no faith? Great Grandfather?”
Aurelius stepped back in shock. Mark’s companions looked at each other, clearly surprised as well. “Mark… I don’t think we should keep arguing with—” Olivia tried to say.
“No,” the colonel said firmly, cutting her off. “Great Grandfather Aurelius, do you think that Helena will not be able to pull through if we wake her? How long has it been? A century? How much longer will we wait? She may be immortal but humans aren’t.”
“I'm sorry, but the chances of failure are too high. The probability of her—”
“I don’t care about the probability! Would you rather put your faith in a statistic?!” Mark raised his voice. “I lost my mother to this war! My friends! My job! My eye, and almost my life! I’ve put mine on the line out there! You don’t know what it’s like out there! Was my mother’s death just a probability too? Was she just a statistic to you?! That as long as the numbers are good, no matter how many are lost, we are ‘winning’?!”
“Mark—!”
“No, Liv! He needs to know what’s really going on out there!” he spat. “Great Grandfather, with all due respect, but you don’t have a damn clue what it’s like to be in the field. You’re a man of faith, aren’t you? Take a risk. Everyone else has.”
Aurelius stood there, dumbfounded. He bit the inside of his cheeks and clenched his fists. “For your insolence, I would have had you flogged and stripped of your rank,” he glared at the young colonel. However, his features slowly softened, letting out a soft sigh. “But I have never seen such conviction. Mighty is your faith.”
The Great Grandfather moved over to the panels and reached into his robe, pulling out from around his neck a key with the symbol of the sun. He inserted it into the machine and turned. A beep sounded, right before Aurelius pulled a lever. In an instant, the fluid inside the glass chamber began to drain out into the tubes under it. Slowly, the chamber emptied and all that was left was the nude form of the goddess sitting in the glass.
“Did it work?” Louis asked, stepping forward and looking at the woman.
Aurelius stayed silent, his hands shaking in anticipation. Mark moved toward the glass chamber, when suddenly, the glass opened up like a door, releasing a fragrant mist. They stood there, watching for a whole minute. Nothing. At first nothing. The Great Grandfather looked like he was about to break down. His knees shook as he covered his mouth, thinking that he was responsible for the death of Helena.
That was when… a soft sound was heard. Movement. Olivia immediately went over to Mark and stood in front of him. Ready to protect him should anything happen. Slowly, the goddess moved more, her arms inched to the side.
Then, her eyes opened.

for anyone wondering, no this was not a situationship. its far worse.
Nine months ago I (f22) met a man (m28) while going out and we happened to be from the same background. We ended up sleeping with one another and it was fine. He's only the second person I had ever slept with at that point. He never truly contacted me again and we only have each others socials. But then months after I ended up removing him, then he added me again, and then I finally chose to block him awhile back (for my benefit). Im aware this guy did not want to persue anything with me at the time and I understood that immediately. I didn't pry or pressure him to go on a date or push things further. Although I was and still am very into him. For what reason? I genuinely have no clue. Something like this has never happened to me before. I have gone on dates and been out with different people since but for some reason he is still on my mind. For preface this man is now currently married and I absolutely do not have plans on "rekindling" anything. I'm unwell but I'm not delusional.
Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? It's really scaring me, so much so that I want to bring it up to my therapist (we don't talk about romance very often) so I feel like she can help.
I fully understand that time will heal but in my opinion I have had enough time. And I feel like this might affect my romantic endeavors. ):

I found an interesting geopolitical study on a comparatively unknown Pentagon agency's(Executive Services Directorate's) website where it discusses four scenarios for the future of Europe's Muslim population and reading through it, despite it being published in 2008, I found it has been quite prescient in many ways as it accurately predicted many trends regarding terrorism and the responses to it. It discusses the challenges and the possible impossibility of true integration in the sense Europeans are accustomed to, and the geopolitical realities of the above on Europe and US-European relations. If you have the time you should read through the full study and its conclusions, but here are the summaries of each and their likelihood of occurring, starting from least likely to most likely.
Synthesis: Euro-Islam and a New Europe (Least Likely).
In an extension of the EU project to transcend Europe' s internal historical divisions, European societies manage to create a workable new civilization and political culture rooted in cosmopolitan precepts rather than in national or historical legacies. To qualify as a European one need only embrace a new civic creed. The Muslim populations of Europe develop a distinctive variant of their religion, relegating Islam to a personal or private moral code while adopting European languages, modes of dress, career ambitions, lifestyle choices, etc. A core body of secular beliefs and structures comes to characterize the Muslim populations as much as it does pre-existing European populations. This outcome is promoted by inherent tendencies on the part both of migrant and host communities to integrate the Muslim immigrant populations of Europe into the pre-existing social milieu. Designed programs of the State also act to promote integration and assimilation.
Eurabia: A Muslim-dominated Europe (Second Least Likely)
With its population aging and declining, Europe has little choice but to permit increased immigration from North Africa, the Middle East, and elsewhere in the Muslim world. Emboldened by their youthfulness, growing numbers, and a vibrant religious-cultural identity, Europe's Muslim immigrants increasingly assert themselves in European politics. The present disparities in birth rate grow even sharper. Exhausted, insecure, disoriented, and intimidated, European host societies never regain the cohesiveness of identity and purpose to assert themselves against an energetic, rising social order. Ultimately, the Muslim populations ofEurope overwhelm the host societies, until Europe becomes a socio-religious extension of the Ncar East and North Africa, possibly with residual enclaves of the pre-Islamic European population left from place to place. Pressure from within and from without compels the European states to distance themselves from cooperation with the United States, particularly in the Middle East.
Fortress Europe (Second Most Likely)
Unsettled by its inability to integrate its Muslim populations and impatient with the Muslims' refusal to assimilate, Europe dispenses with its relatively recent experience with liberalism. Global economic downturn and acts of jihadist terror provoke Europeans to embrace a highly xenophobic style of politics. European politics comes to be dominated by anti-Muslim ideologues, who adopt a program of organized hostility to Muslims and to already-established Muslim populations in Europe. The practical manifestations of the new reaction in Europe vary between some combination of isolation and draconian police controls at the least extreme end of a spectrum; to mass expulsion at the most extreme. Factors leading to this outcome include growth in alarm at the socio-economic problems associated with the Muslim populations; a break down of the ideology of multiculturalism and political taboos; and incidents of terrorism as mobilizing shock events.
The Green Ghetto (Most Likely).
The present-day (c. 2007) status quo continues-but, through the passage of time, it crystallizes-i.e., becomes more rigid and less likely to undergo transition to other forms. Muslim populations are restricted- at first by choice, later perhaps by formal legal provisions to more or less dearly defined geographic precincts, chiefly in large European cities. Elites within these populations may achieve a nominal degree of integration, through language acquisition and economic engagement with the host society. The main body of each Muslim population however remains self-contained, and advances little beyond a low-level economic niche. State integration programs stall, achieving, at best, the occasional convert to European social norms-but integration remains an exceptional phenomenon, restricted to individual cases. Globalization in the form of satellite television and air transportation makes it easier for immigrant populations to retain ties to their societies of origin and maintain distinct identities. Meanwhile globalization in the form of increased market competition undermines the European welfare state. Maintaining a homogenous society is no longer easy or even desirable. In essence, European society reverts to a pre-nation-state pattern wherein economic classes are socially distinct and ethnic-cultural groups fill specific economic niches
Foreign Policy Conclusions Related to the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict:
Synthesis: The study's authors did not delve into the effects this might have on foreign policy so this is the one I would like to hear most from the people on. Personally I think we would see a more pro-Arab, but not necessarily rabidly anti-Israel, response in Europe if secularism and humanitarianism/a reformed private Islam win out over political Islam and the Muslim population integrates in this optimistic scenario. You would likely see a harder push for a two-state solution and an end to the conflict with Europe putting leashes on both the Palistineans and Israelis becoming tired of it, condemning Palistinean terrorism while also condemning Israeli countermeasures.
Eurabia: This would be the absolute worst scenario for Israel and the absolute best scenario for the Palestinians as it would turn Europe into an extension of MENA. The study does not go into detail on this but Israel would be entirely surrounded by actively Islamist countries by air, land, and sea, and the US would be forced to decide whether backing Israel is worth it if it turns the entire continent of Europe and MENA against it. Israel's existence as a state may actually be threatened even with nuclear weapons or it may even be forced to turn into an effective autarky North-Korean tier state if embargos are put on it and it is cut off from all of its trading partners. It may be able to survive but only with heavy concessions to the Palestinians and the potential loss of Jerusalem and/or exploiting inter-Muslim tensions.
Fortress Europe: This did not touch on Israel-Palestine directly but it does present an interesting US-EU dynamic depending on how bad the situation goes ranging from anywhere between the US supporting the crackdown or expulsion of Muslims to being vehemently against it or somewhere in between, meaning Israel could see a huge rift and tension between its two allies or them coming closer together to crack down on Islam. The former would be problematic for Israel due to a lack of coordination or even hostility between the two, but the latter could be extremely beneficial to Israel as both Europe and America would not be fans of Muslims and Israel would become a key staunch ally for both with strong support from both and Israeli maximalist positions would likely find favor, this is probably the wet dream of people like Bibi, Smotrich, and Givr barring the conversion of all of Europe and America to Judaism.
The Green Ghetto: The study touches on the IP conflict here saying that Europe would either become too distracted and divided by internal issues to really influence the conflict or it becomes more pro-Arab in the sense it does not want to set off constant ethnic conflict within its own borders by backing Israel or at least moving towards a more neutral position. One could extrapolate from this that it could also become bipolar each election cycle depending on which parties are in power, the more anti-Islam conservative ones backing Israel not so much because they care about Jewish sovereignty but more because it angers the Muslims which pleases their political base. The more progressive parties will turn more pro-Arab in an attempt to placate the Muslim population and deepen economic ties with MENA. You could also see a huge Western/Eastern Europe divide on this. Israel's position here would wax and wane with the political tide and it would require Israeli politicians to be skilled to navigate this.
Anyway, those are the summaries and my thoughts, what are yours?

Hi all,
I’m in a long term relationship, I’ve always had an issue with apologising and thinking people are mad at me or thinking I’m annoying.
I’ve discussed with my therapist before who tells me that I need to try and not give in to the compulsion and she’ll give check in’s on how I’m doing.
I’ve been with my partner for 4 1/2 years and recently I’ve been feeling less of the compulsions that come from my hypervigilance but last night it sort of came back to me. Started feeling the need to ask if he was mad and tell him I’m sorry.
I really hate doing this as I feel it really puts pressure on him and we’ve discussed it before so I’m aware that I don’t want to ask the ‘are you mad at me’ or apologise for no reason.
I also started to get an intrusive thought that he was planning to cheat on me - I think it was a bit of exhaustion coming up too.
Any advice on how to manage this? I don’t want to put any strain on my partner or our relationship.
Thanks! :)

Ahead of their upcoming match at DON I think there is a potential problem and issue that no one is considering or thinking about. Let’s think critically about this for a minute:
The issue with this match regardless how good it can be is that when you think critically about it, it is a lose-lose situation for both. Let’s look at Willow first. Go back to how this feud started with the match to crown the inaugural NJPW Strong Women’s Champion. It’s no secret that Willow was never supposed to win that match at all no matter how you look at it. Mercedes breaking her ankle was unfortunate so obviously Willow was made the first champion. Now New Japan could have said “hey we didn’t plan this but let’s see where it goes people like Willow.” But they didn’t, New Japan took the title off of her so fast she had one successful defense and then immediately dropped the belt to Giulia who held it for almost 300 days. This just shows that they didn’t see her as a champion or believe that she could carry the title.
Now I think we are seeing the same thing with the TBS championship play out exactly like the Strong Women’s Championship. The worst move Tony Khan did was have Julia Hart drop the title to Willow at Dynasty because once again she will be champion for a little over a month when DON comes around. If Mercedes beats Willow for the title there then same thing AEW doesn’t believe that Willow can carry a title and sees her as just a short term place holder and effectively had buried her as a champion.
Now let’s look at Mercedes Mone. When she signed she was legitimately the biggest free agent signing and since her debut which will be almost 3 months before DON has done nothing but dance and talk with mid promos and has not had a match yet. Now before people cry “she’s not cleared medically yet” that’s nothing but an excuse. If she’s not cleared why debut her 3 months before you intend to really use her? Would have been better to just debut her at DON or even Dynasty for the Women’s world championship and not a mid card belt. By having her debut match before a title is putting so much pressure on her it’s almost stacked against her. So many people have already given up on Mercedes thinking her promos and dancing are mid. If Mercedes loses this match, her in ring debut, AEW has effectively buried her and turned her into a 10 million dollar (if reports are to be believed) jobber.
What Tony should have done is have Julia vacate the title and have either a triple threat between them and Sky Blue or just this singles match for the vacant title. That way everyone comes out no less because if this match ends clean then for the reasons I listed someone is getting buried. By having a very short match for the title at Dynasty which was not good a problem was created that didn’t need to be.

My (28F) wedding is coming up in two months, and my fiancé, Dave (30M), and I are excited to finally get married after being together for seven years. We’ve been planning everything to make sure our day is perfect.
My sister, Emma (26F), is an aspiring author. She’s been working on her first novel for the past few years and recently finished it. While I'm glad she found something she likes, I’m not thrilled with her recent idea.
A few weeks ago, Emma told me she was planning a big book launch. I was excited for her until she said she wanted to do it at my wedding reception. She thought it would be perfect because so many family and friends would be there, and it would save her the cost of planning a separate event.
I was shocked and told her that I didn’t think it was a good idea. Our wedding day is supposed to be about Dave and me, not about promoting her book. I suggested she could hand out invitations for a separate launch party instead. I talked to Dave and even he agreed
Emma was furious. She accused me of being selfish and not supporting her dreams. She argued that it wouldn’t take much time and would actually add excitement to the event. She even suggested that it could be her wedding gift to us – a way to entertain the guests.At that time I honestly thought that she had some faulty wiring in her brain.
I stood my ground and said no, which led to a huge argument. Now, Emma isn’t speaking to me, and my parents are pressuring me to reconsider. They think it’s a reasonable request and that I should be more accommodating. Well it's nothing new thwy always do that .They say family should support each other and that I’m being too stubborn.
Here's some background: Emma has always been the "golden child" in my parents' eyes. They’ve enabled her for years, letting her live with them rent-free and covering most of her expenses, even though she's never held a job or earned a penny on her own. She went to an arts college where she discovered her passion for writing.Emma is lucky she can write well, but it’s frustrating to see her get a free pass on everything just because she's the favourite one and can write well.
I'm no saint. During our argument, I said some nasty things and riled her up even more because I was so furious. Years of built-up frustration and feeling second to her just came out all at once. I regret how I handled it now, but I also feel strongly that my wedding day should be about me and Dave.
I've been getting texts every day from my parents .... They aren't agressive or anything but today they said that "I'm being a kid ,I was never like this".....How do I tell them that I have always suffered being the obedient matured girl they always had but never valued enough.
I'm furious and writing this as fast as I can do forgive me for any grammatical mistake. I feel conflicted.
I want to support my sister just to make things go back to normal but I'm also tired of my family,what do I do how do I handle it??
AITAH for refusing to let her use my wedding as a platform for her book?????

I, (29 female) have been in a strange relationship with my boyfriend (33 male) for over 10 years now. I was 16 when we met and 18 when we had our first child of 2. Before having kids we had a bit of a wild side and would sometimes bring another person or 2 into the bedroom with us, we never got jealous and we're just young and having fun. We settled after the first child but about a year or so after having the second child I was not as sexually active as him and we started to explore the swinging world once again. This was mostly to satisfy my partner but also as a 21 year old I was interested in the fun. As we began to explore he also took up the art or making home brew. This was the beginning of the worst 4 yrs of my life... he would drink alot every day, he was a happy drunk so I wouldn't mind at first but it got really hard for me, he would not help with anything or play with the kids, infact I was genuinely scared of him around the kids or holding the kids as he would fall over alot and brake their things. At this time my oldest son was starting school, behind on speech, hated school and needed alot of therapy. My youngest child was diagnosed with Autism not long after, the highest on the spectrum. All while I'm dealing with this, my partner decided to have multiple litters of nednose pittbulls, each time she had 10 btw lol. So I'm trying to raise 2 toddlers who have special needs and 10 dogs... but all he cared about the whole time was drinking and swinging.... the house was in constant chaos... every birthday party, every Christmas, every event I worked so hard on he would just get so smashed and ruin the whole thing for the kids. But that alone I could have maybe dealt with and maybe we would be fine now but while all this was in full swing he would constantly be making plans with other couples, he would send people my pics and videos then invite them over without even asking me.. well he was asking me but then wouldn't ask if he knew I would say no.. but I already gave him boundaries not to bring them to our house or our kids to be around, we wer supposed to get a baby sitter... I just played along the first time because they were nice and didn't know the situation at all. But then he just kept doing it, random couples rocking up at our house and they were people I didn't want to sleep with, I told him I was not attracted to them but he would keep pushing and peer pressured me and I'd give in. I was around 21 and he wanted me to sleep with 50yr olds that I never even met, one time I just got drunk and told them to leave because I didn't know them and never messaged them, another time when i gave in and we be began sex and I hated it so much I pretended to be sick from drinking. It was constant fighting to keep these random people away. This was constant for years! I just wanted to focus on my kids, I cried every night, became so depressed and dangerously skinny with an eating disorder.
After 4years he proposed we move in with his parents to save money and buy a house, I only agreed because I knew he couldn't do it anymore but by this stage I was so burnt out and depressed I was bed ridden and just wanted to die. Him and his parents were so mad that I was depressed and told me I was so pathetic and lazy and had to get a job, I lost 2 jobs in a row because the school and therapy were so constant I couldn't be at work enough... I was never good enough no matter how much I did.
We eventually bought a house and I had a steady job that I enjoyed but I couldn't help feel resentful, I could no longer enjoy sex with my partner, I was pretending to like it but I was digusted. He had already broken my heart so many times that it no longer felt right.
Now for the last 3 yrs we have been in a back and forth battle of weather to end it or not. He says it's in the past and doesn't matter but it was a large period of my life and quiet traumatic. He says he will do anything for me and for the past 3 yrs he has been the best partner anyone could ask for. He does all the chores, shopping, cooking, cleaning and just anything I ask. He does all the kids stuff and is just amazing.. but I hate it. I wish he was there for me when I needed him the most, when I couldn't eat or shower when the babies were crying... when I just wanted a sleep... basic human needs... how can you look at the mother of ur kids struggling so bad, just wanting to eat or shower, wanting to end her life and just not care at all... the way he treated me... I don't think I can ever get over it. I've been expressing this to him for 3years. We tried and tried to get over it and make things better but his touch still makes my skin crawl.
But every time I try to leave him he won't let me! He begs and calls and texts and promises the world and won't leave me alone!!! He left for a few days last week but now he is back here and says he is happy to live with me but not have sex. I'm so fked in the head right now. He makes me feel bad, like I'm making the wrong decision. I feel like a bad mum, denying her kids of a better future with their dad. I don't know what to do, he's driving me crazy and it feels like the longest break up in history!
TL;DR: baby daddy won't let me go after a strange abusive relationship.

I work at a very large and well known personal injury firm as a legal assistant in pre-litigation for motor vehicle accidents. This has been my experience so far. Every day I am expected to be able to go through my checklist and produce accurate work, but the caveat here is we are glued to a phone system and we work in a team environment so I am taking client calls, adjuster calls, etc. Approximately 30 - 45 calls per day, the only way to avoid this is by calling out aggressively myself leaving my coworkers to take the call backs (I know the number chasers here do this, not a fan of the practice). This makes getting through actual work nearly impossible as I am constantly taken off task to work on other people's cases when I take a call (and i take very detailed notes), and depending on the volume, this can be back to back to back. I have to back track to reorientate myself to what I was previously working on. I have case counts in excess of 160+ on the low end, I mostly work on high priority items that push cases along such as demands and drafting settlement paperwork (these also have unrealistic deadlines in accordance with the call volume), leaving the low priority stuff to the wayside hoping they delegate it to one of the interns
The company on the other hand acts completely indifferent, we will get passive-agressively chastized for missing expected due dates, yet they offer nothing to relieve the pressure from taking so many calls. We have asked for higher pay because everyone is stressed and burnt out (i call it being phone fried) but the company has taken a stance they don't want to pay us more and we have PTO if we're feeling burnt out. They are fairly predatory in their reviews from what I have heard from other employees who have asked for raises. The turnover here is abysmal, my training was cut short due to a number of employees quitting in a short period so they gave me a case load and put me on the phones prematurely (I am a confident speaker so this may have contributed to this as well in addition to the desperation for more phone coverage), I had to either teach myself or ask others for guidance on most things in a trial by fire fashion but I figured it out.
I don't want this to come off as a rant as I love the job itself, I do good work, I am personable and do enjoy talking to my own clients and building a genuine rapport, multiple attorneys are willing to write me letters of recommendation for law school, but I feel as though we operate as an overglorified call center at times when we have genuine important work to do. I knew I was signing up for fast paced, but no day ever has an end goal, everyone is always technically "behind" at all times
I guess my real question here is whether or not this is the standard across all firms, I honestly don't know if I am in a toxic work environment as this is my first job in the legal field so I lack a baseline comparison. It's not all bad, I do like my coworkers and other than pay practices the company culture isn't bad. I would stay until law school next year, but also wouldn't hesitate to jump ship if there is greener grass elsewhere.

First/Previous
The travel took on a less gloomy quality in the day that passed since Gemma’s self-reflection and although there remained a queer distance in her eyes, she seemed in better spirits in losing the weight of the words.
It was a night just beyond Wabash Crevasse that we pushed on till sunset was almost upon us and we were each tired and the food stocks ran low and so we found harbor in a half collapsed cellar where a home once stood; it was only after examining the slatted, rotted boards of the old place, fallen over, tired with decay, that we spied the cellar doors intact; sheets of door metal plied us with safety from the outside world and the interior of the place stank of mold and the deeper recesses were collapsed, but there was a cradle to crossbar the stair hatch and I put my prybar there for the night. We finished the water and canned tomatoes, and I smoked a cigarette, staving off the inevitable doom which would come with the dwindling of our supplies.
I’d peeked through the space where the doors met at the cellar’s entry and watched the full darkness there while the youngins spoke of life and the trivial pursuits of it and I hardly said a word besides.
Sitting on the lowest step with Trouble dumbly maintaining her station by me, by the low glow of the space in the threshold, I saw they’d pushed their bedrolls together and Andrew had fallen asleep with his arm over Gemma’s shoulder and her eyes glowed with shine from the crack, blinked a few times while seeing me; she too eventually drifted to sleep, and I spent time by the secured door.
Gunshots rang across the stillness, and they stirred from their quiet slumber and Gemma asked, “Harlan, is it alright?”
I moved to the space there at the doorway again and listened and watched what I could through that crack and nothing beyond came. “It’s safe. I’ll be up a bit longer. I’ll watch.”
Andrew asked, “Can’t sleep?”
“I’ll sleep in a bit. Don’t worry about me. Rest. Sleep good and we can put more behind us.
They sat up, legs crossed triangle-wise, and Gemma spoke again, “Why do you have such a hard time sleeping? It seems I’m asleep after you and only awake after you too.”
“Yeah,” said Andrew.
“It’s cool at night. I can listen to the wind.” I shrugged.
“You should be the one that tries to get some sleep,” said Andrew.
I said nothing.
They reached out their arms and I shook my head.
“Here,” Gemma said, “Move your bedroll closer.” She reached across the dirt floor of the cellar and dragged my splayed roll so that it sat beside hers.
“I’ll sleep later.” I turned my attention back to the door and ignored them till their sounds of sleep could be heard. The Alukah was nowhere and did not tap on the door that night and when I moved to sleep, I shimmied onto the roll beside them, facing away on my shoulder; the dog followed, laid on the bare dirt beside me and I held the mutt.
Though I refused a noise as they stirred in the absolute darkness, I felt Gemma’s arm fall over my own shoulder and felt Andrew’s hand touch my back, and water traced the bridge of my nose and I slept deeply thereafter.
There was no breakfast without food, and the water was gone; I felt the eyes of the dog on us as we packed up our belongings that next morning and I tried not to imagine the poor animal skinned over fire. I smiled at Trouble, patted its head, scratched its chin; she sniffed my hand like she was looking for something that wouldn’t be found.
We went west again, ignoring roads and pushed through straight wasteland where nothing was and no one was, and with every dry footfall on the dry hard ground, I wished for rain, and I wished that when it had rained, as infrequent as it was, that I had been wise enough to save what we could from the sky; that sky was red and swollen and refused to burst. We pushed on through strange dead thickets where grayed and twisty yellow branches lurched from the ground into the sky like even they too wished for an end to all the suffering. It was days more till we would see Alexandria and though I could stave off hunger (thirst too, if necessary), I was not so certain that the children would be able to push on without it; they did not complain and watched the ground in our march and maintained higher spirits than I could’ve imagined from them.
Early in the day, they spoke often, and I listened and as they wore on, their words came less and even the dog seemed in a lower mood for the unsaid predicament; me too.
Gemma broke the silence on the matter by saying, “What are we going to do about food? Water?”
“We’ll push on.”
“We could turn back?” asked Andrew.
“The more time we spend out in the open, outside of a city, the more likely it is that the Alukah will catch us unawares. Tighten your belts.” Our feet took us around a dilapidated truck, an old thing with a rusty hook which dangled off a rear arm. “Save your urine.”
They made faces but did not protest.
“Does that work? You ever drink pee?” asked Andrew.
I laughed, “I thought we’d be there by now. I took us too long by trying to drop the scent of the Alukah. That thing’s hunted us for days—last night was the first time it ain’t bothered us. It’s got me wondering why.”
Gemma piped up, licking her dry lips before speaking, “Do you think that monster ran into those scavengers we saw?” Then I caught her shooting a look at Andrew, “At least we warned them.” Her smile was faint and almost indiscernible as one.
I shrugged. “Can’t say. Don’t think it’s smart to turn back. Won’t be long and we’ll touch the 40 and then it’ll be a straight on to Babylon—couple of days—can’t turn back though. Maybe without food; that’s doable. Water’s the worst, but if it comes to it,” I paused and looked on the weathered faces of the children, on the lowered head of Trouble which followed her nose across the ground (it searched just short of frantic), “Like I said, ‘save your urine’.”
The first pains of hunger held within me brought up some reminiscence and I wished for nothing more than to hold Suzanne; I could nearly smell them and in the swaying walk which took us on past toppled townships, I held long blinks where I could nearly make out their face and if I really pushed the limits of my imagination, I could feel them. In those moments, as we passed dead places, rotted pits of despair, I could think of little more than their presence. Though I knew it was a dangerous game, hoping for more than I was worth, I hoped for Suzanne then and I wished that I’d taken them up on their offer to travel to Alexandria with them; it could’ve been home—it never was in all the times I’d gone there, but who knows? The thoughts of Babylon brought forth their gardens; the wild gardens and the water which flowed freely through their pipes. I wished I was a different person entirely and that too would’ve been better for Suzanne; how it was that they’d seen anything in me, I don’t know. How it was that they could stoop to the level of being with someone like me—I warded off that thought, because to place the blame there would certainly be unfair. I thought of my love plainly and wanted a different life more suited to them.
Imaginations played more furiously, and I remembered the evening when Dave stopped me from leaping from that roof—it’s doubtful that he even realized that he’d slowed my demise; perhaps he did know—I wished then that I could ask him. Too kind for the world. People too kind for the world were scarce and hardly worth the trouble. Yet, there I was, chaperoning those two across the wastes.
Gemma was a broken person when I’d found her, tortured in Baphomet’s well; Andrew was a dullard boy who’d lost his hand. What a silly predicament.
I stopped in my movements and swiveled on my heel to catch Andrew by the shoulder. “You still got your hand, don’t you?”
In good humor, the boy grinned, lifted the nub on the end of his left forearm to show me, “Nope.”
“Dammit, no! The hand in the jar!”
Andrew raised his eyebrows. “In my pack.”
“Stop,” I commanded Trouble; the dog hardly recognized my words and continued a way then circled back, sad eyes looking up from where she took to sit by my side. Gemma, both arms dangling loosely from her own pack’s shoulder straps, took into the circle we’d formed.
The girl asked, “What about the jar? It’s nasty, but I guess it’s his.”
“I think that’s it,” I said. I took Andrew by his shoulders, looked him in his eyes, “We could use it!”
“What?” The boy almost laughed in the display of our concern. “What’s that got to do with anything?”
“I think I’ve got it! It’s good for a trap.” I shook him; maybe too hard. I almost smiled. “It’s worth a shot!”
“It’s mine.” He bit his top lip, withdrew from me.
“You’ll feel differently about that,” I said.
Gemma placed a hand on Andrew’s pack and tried ripping it open. “Give it to him!” shouted the girl.
The boy whipped from her grasp, and he spun on his feet, and panic stood on his face. “It’s mine, isn’t it?”
I took a step forward, “No, not anymore.” I put out my palm, “Give it.”
Andrew nearly flinched at the thought of it and shook his head a little. “Why?”
“I told you why,” I said.
“You don’t even know if it’ll work, do you?” his words were long in protest.
The girl started again, “Andrew, please.”
He locked eyes with Gemma and once again, his bottom teeth came up to meet over his top lip and he moved his jaw methodically with contemplation.
“What does it even matter?” she asked.
“It’s mine. You don’t know what it’s like.”
“Don’t be ridiculous!”
“C’mon,” he said, but his pack straps fell from his shoulders, and he hunkered down on the ground and opened his bag; his right hand plunged into the recesses therein and withdrew the jar with his severed left hand. He held the object up, refusing to come up from his open pack, keeping his eyes on the ground. “Take it then.” He shook the jar; its contents sloshed with liquid decay.
I grabbed the thing, held it to skylight; the remains within had congealed and rotted and lumps nearly floated in the brownish liquid which had formed in the base of the container. I shook it and stared for a moment at the miniscule debris which floated alongside the hand; each of its digits had swollen and erupted to expose bone; some had come away in pieces. “Tomorrow,” I said and nodded.
We gathered ourselves and Andrew pulled his pack on again and we moved, Trouble still looked sorry and the boy remained quiet while the girl chattered on with questions while we took through the dying ground in a formation with the dog on point then me then the children.
“What will you do with it?” she asked me.
“Not sure yet.”
Andrew made a noise like he wanted to say something but didn’t.
“You think it will work?” asked Gemma.
“Nothing’s a guarantee. They’re smart—Alukah.”
“Smart enough to figure out a trap?”
I shrugged. “We’ll find out.”
“We could put stakes in a pit.”
“Keep on the lookout for a building. Something with multiple floors.”
With that, we moved on, found a worn, mostly destroyed road and we fell into a travelling quiet and the thought of hunger or thirst arose again, and I pushed it down—though I knew the uneasiness could only last so long before savagery would overtake the human condition; the kids seemed strong enough, but I kept an eye on the dog too. Savagery belonged not only to humans, after all.
The ground of the wastes was harder when it was quiet, and it was flatter further west. The sky—red and full of thin and transparent drifting clouds—seemed an awful sight when stared at for too long; it was the thing which stretched as if to signal there wasn’t an end in any direction, as if to declare we had much more to go till safety. Wanderlust is a thing that I believe I’ve felt before, but under that sky, with those two and the dog, I didn’t feel it at all. It was doom that I felt. Ignorance and doom. And it was all because I was certain I’d made all the wrong mistakes, and it was coming back to me. I was experienced. We should’ve had food and water. Perhaps there was some deep and nasty part inside of me that had intended to sacrifice them along the way. The words of the Alukah might have rung true: You say you make no deals, but I smell it. I think you’d deal.
Surely, I felt differently. Surely.
“Getting darker,” called Andrew as we came to where signposts—worn and bent and barely legible—told us of a place once called Annapolis and the buildings were nearly gone entirely; places, maybe places that were once homes, were leveled—I was briefly caught in imagining what it might’ve been like all those ages ago. As are most places, it was haunted like that and when we came to a long rectangular structure of metal walls—thin walls—we took it as a place for rest for the night.
It once served as an agricultural station, for when we breached its entry, there were a line of dead machines—three in all—cultivators or tillers which stood higher than any of our heads and Gemma asked what they were, and I told her I thought they were for farming. The great rusted bodies stood in quiet shadow as we came through a side passage of the building and the great doors which had once been used to release those machines from the building stood frozen in their frame. I approached the doors, lighting my lantern and motioning for the children to shut the door we’d entered through.
Upon closer inspection, it seemed the doors would roll into the ceiling and the chains which held the doors in place were each secured with rusted padlocks—I removed my prybar from my pack and moved along the wall of doors, giving each old lock a smack with the weapon; each one held in place, seemingly fused there through years of corrosion, and I rounded the cultivators once more, back to the children, near the side door where they’d discovered a rickety stair frame which crawled up the side of the wall to a catwalk; along the catwalk, a levitated box stood at the height of the structure, stilted by metal legs, and we took the stairs slowly with the dog following close behind; the poor mutt was mute save the sound of its own shuffling paws.
The metal stairs creaked under our weight and Gemma held her own lantern high over her head so that the strange shadows of the place grew longer, stranger, and suddenly I felt very sure that something was in the dark with us, but there was no noise except what we made. My eyes scanned the darkness, and I followed the children up the stairs till we met the overhang of the catwalk and I peered into the shadows, the blades of the cultivators—far extended on foldable arms—struck up through the pool of blackness beneath us and I felt so cold there and if it were not for the breath of my fellow travelers, I might have been lost in the dark for longer than intended—lost and frozen and contemplative.
“There’s a room,” said the boy, and he pushed ahead on the hanging passage, and he was the first to the door. “Boxes,” he said plainly.
Upon coming to the place where he stood, Gemma pushed her lantern over the threshold, and I saw what he’d meant as I traced my own lantern to help; the room was crammed with plastic totes and old metal containers of varied sizes. There seemed to be enough empty space to maneuver through the room, but only if one watched their feet while they walked. Carefully.
We moved to the room, and I found a stack of crates to place my lantern then motioned for Gemma to douse hers. In minutes, the place was rearranged so that we could sit comfortably on the floor; crates lined the walls precariously and we breathed heavy from the work done, but we began to unpack and upon watching the children while I rolled a cigarette, I felt a pang of guilt, a terrible summation—all choices in my life had led me here and with them and perhaps it would have been a better world for them without me.
Mentally shrugging this thought away, I lit my cigarette, inhaled deeply, and then withdrew the jar which Andrew had handed over. I held it to the lantern to examine it. The grotesqueness of it hardly phased me and I watched it more curious and hopeful than disgusted.
“I hope it’ll work,” said the boy, “Whatever it is that you plan on doing with it.” He grimaced and maintained a further silence in patting his bedding for fluff. The dog moved to him, and she pushed her forehead against him where he squatted on floor. The boy scratched Trouble’s chin and whispered, “Good girl,” into the top of her head where he’d pushed his own face.
“I’m hungry,” said Gemma; she placed her chin in her arm while watching Andrew with the dog. She sat on her own flat bed there on the floor and stated plainly the thing that I’d hoped to ignore for longer.
“I know.” I took another drag from the cigarette and let the smoke hang over my head. “The dog?”
Andrew recoiled, pulling Trouble closer into his arms.
I smiled. “It was a joke.”
Andrew relaxed, but only a moment before Gemma added, “Maybe.”
The boy narrowed his eyes in the girl’s direction, and she shrugged. “If it’s life or death.”
He didn’t say anything and merely continued stroking Trouble’s coat.
That night, we slept awfully and even in the complete darkness, I felt the cramp of the storage room and the angled shapes of the tools that protruded from the containers on all sides remained permanent well after we’d turned the light off and it felt like those shapes were the teeth of a great creature like we were sitting inside of its mouth, looking out.
Trouble positioned herself partially on my chest, her slow rhythmic breathing brought my thoughts calm and I whispered to her in the dark after I was sure the others were asleep, “I promise it was a joke.” And I brushed the back of her neck with my hand and the animal let go of a long sigh then continued that deep rhythmic breathing.
Still without food or water, the following day was the true indication of the misery to come. Gemma’s stomach growled audibly in waking and Andrew—though he kept his complaints to himself—smacked his lips more often or protruded the tongue in his mouth in a starvation for water. The room, in the daylight which peered through pinpricks of its half-decayed roof, seemed another beast altogether from its nighttime counterpart; it was not so frightening. Again, I admonished myself for the lack of preparation, but there was another thought that brought together a more cohesive feeling; we had a possible plan, a trap for the demon that’d been following us.
We went into the field to the west of the building where there was only dirt beneath our feet in the early sunlight and in the coolness of morning air, I nearly felt like a person. The sun crested the horizon and brought with it a warmth that would quickly become overwhelming—in those few minutes though—it felt good enough. I wished for the shy dew and saw none. The weirdness of holding Andrew’s rotting hand in a jar momentarily caught me and I almost laughed, but refrained and the dog and the children looked on while I held the container up and suddenly, seeing the congealed mass of tissue floating in its own excretions, I was overcome with the urge to run, the urge that nothing would ever be right again in my life, and that I was marked to be that way.
I blinked and tossed the jar to Andrew. “Say goodbye,” I said. He fumbled after it with his right hand and caught it to his chest.
“It’s strange you care so much anyway,” said Gemma, shrugging—her eyes forgave a millisecond of pity and when Andrew looked at her, still holding the jar in his right hand, she smiled and stuffed her hands into the pockets of her pants.
“We’ve enough oil, I think,” my voice was raspy from it being early, “Enough for good fire, but if we use it, it’ll mean a few more dark nights on our way.”
“We’re going to set it on fire?” Andrew pondered, keeping his eyes to the contents of the jar. “It worked good enough last time. It’ll work,” I nodded, “I has to, doesn’t it?”
His dry lips creased into a brief smile, and he tossed the jar back to me and I caught it.
“Let’s dig,” I said.
Without much in the way of proper tools, we began at the ground under us with our hands, then taking turns with my prybar till there was a hole in the ground comfortably large enough to conceal a human head and I uncapped the jar and spilled it contents there and we covered it back and I lightly tamped it with my boot. My eyes scanned the outbuilding we’d taken refuge in the night prior and then to the street to the north then to the houses which stood as merely rotted plots of foundation with frames that struck from the ground more as markers than support. “I’ll take up over there across the street when it gets dark. I want you two in that storage room before anything goes off.”
“We can’t help?” asked Gemma.
“You can help by staying out of the way—the mutt too,” I said; the words were harsh, but my feelings were from worry.
“Wouldn’t it be better if we stuck together?” asked the girl.
I shook my head. “You stay in the room and keep quiet. No matter what you hear, you stay quiet and safe.”
“That’ll put you at a bigger risk,” Gemma furrowed her brow at me and shifted around to look out on the houses across the street, “There’s hardly any cover over there.”
The boy nodded, smacked his lips, and rubbed his forearm across his mouth then audibly agreed with her.
“Doesn’t matter,” I said, “No matter what you hear happening outside, no matter, you don’t open the door and you don’t scream—don’t make a noise at all. Alright? Even if you hear me calling you, you don’t do it.”
“Pfft,” Gemma crossed her arms and kicked her foot against the ground. The way her eyes seemed hollowed with bruising showed that the irritation would only grow without food. “Alright,” she finally sighed.
Andrew looked much the same as she did in that; he swallowed a dry swallow then stuffed his hand into his pocket and looked away when our eyes matched.
We gathered our light oil. Altogether, it seemed enough; rummaging through the room of the outbuilding we’d earlier taken refuge within, we managed three intact glass containers—the only ones found that wouldn’t leak with liquid; two were bottles and the third was the jar that’d once kept Andrew’s hand. With that work done, we sat with three Molotov cocktails within our huddled circle of the storage room.
“Is it enough?” asked Gemma.
“We’ll see,” I began rolling a cigarette to ignore the hunger and the thirst.
Andrew took to the corner and glanced over his shoulder only a moment before a steady liquid stream could be heard and when he rotated from the wall once the noise was finished and he held a canteen up to his nose, sniffed it and quivered and shook his head.
As the sun pushed on, I scanned the perimeter outside, and they followed. Far south I spied a mass of shadow inching across the horizon and Gemma commented, “What’s that?”
I pushed the binoculars to her and let her gaze through them.
“A fiend—that’s what we called it back in the day anyway. A mutant.”
She held the binoculars up and frowned. “A mutant? So, it was once human?”
“A fiend was once many humans.” I pointed out to the horizon though she couldn’t see me doing so and continued, “If you look at the edges of its shape, you’ll see it’s got limbs galore on it. Sticking up like hairs is what it’ll look like at this distance. Those are arms and legs. It’s got faces too. Many faces.” I shuddered.
“I can barely see any details,” she passed the binoculars to Andrew, and he looked through them, “What’s it do?”
“What?” I asked.
“What’s it do if it catches a person?”
“It pulls people into it. Makes you apart of its mass. Nasty fuckers.”
Andrew removed the lenses from his eyes and held them to his chest and asked, “It won’t mess up your trap, will it?”
“We’ll keep an eye on it,” I said, “You don’t want to mess with a fiend unless you have to.”
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