Potaptsi

Rye or Die.
If you haven't been keeping track, some of our users keep a half of a kilo of Salo on hand for emergencies, so we were thinking we might share yet another dish that requires this translucent gold - Potaptsi - bread pieces fried in pork fat (can be substituted with butter). There are many variations but most of them belong to two versions - the most common savory version, and the less common sweet version that is just like French toast, just traditionally served with another culinary staple - honey.
This dish often accompanies Horilka as a chaser, or is served as a snack, an hors d'oeuvre or appetizer alongside soup or salad - in fact, there is a version that is essentially just really intense croutons.
Simplicity itself.
As a simple open-faced sandwich type deal, you may have guessed that Potaptsi are very easy to prepare; they require very little time and only a few ingredients. Perhaps it was for this reason that they were so very popular as a snack of Kozaks and Chumaks that even found their way to inclusion in Kotliarevskyi's Aeneida, thought to be the first work of literature published in colloquial Ukrainian. In that action packed satire of the classical Latin work, a king is faced with war. He longs for simpler times when he could just sit around and eat Potaptsi.
We feel you, king.
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How to Make Potaptsi in Like Seven or Eight Minutes

Got a few minutes?
Ingredients

• Pork belly fat / Salo (can be substituted with butter of course, or oil) - 100-200 grams (depending on your love for Salo)
• Bread - rye; black; or any other bread - 500 grams
  • Similar to French toast, it does not have to be fresh!
• Garlic - 1-3 cloves (depending on your garlic tolerance)
• Green onion, dill, parsley, to garnish (optional)
• Salt, to taste.

Recipe

1. Mince the garlic and set aside.
2. Cut the pork belly or Salo into slices (not cubes, so if you are frequent in making Shkvarky you need to retrain your muscle memory). Some people like giant slices, some people like thin slices. It's up to you!
3. Fry the pork, but don't overdo it - only lightly fried: a golden crust should appear, but be careful not to dry it out. It needs to be fried from both sides. Set aside the fried slices.
4. Next, slice the bread and fry it in the fat rendered from the pork fat. Also from both sides. Place the bread on a plate, spread the garlic in a you-appropriate amount, and then put the pieces of the fried pork on top. At this time you can add a pinch of salt on each potapets and garnish it with green onions or dill.
5. There is another common way to make Potaptsi by cutting the bread itself into cubes and frying them in pork fat to make a lovely addition to soups, like croutons. And also, today, often people substitute the pork with tomatoes and/or melted cheese!

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Смачного!

Part of our series on Ukrainian recipes! You can find the other entries in the series here:
Borshch Varenyky (Recipe) Varenyky Cultural Background Horilka Banosh Hrechanyky Kyivskyi Cake Makivnyk Vyshnyak Drunken Cherry Cake Varenukha Pumpkin Porridge Lazy Varenyky Holubtsi Kalach Kvas Christmas Borshch Uzvar Kutya Beetroot Salad Kapusnyak Nalysnyk Bublyk Deruny Wild Mushroom Sauce Kozak Kapusnyak Yavorivskyi Pie Spring Dough Birds Kholodets Easter Bread (Babka/Paska) Khrin & Tsvikli Shpundra Teterya Green Borshch Kalatusha Elderflower Kvas Crimean Tatar Chebureky Ryazhanka Verhuny Liubystok (Lovage) Young Borshch with Hychka Baturyn Cookies Strawberry Varenyky Stinging Nettle Pancakes Kholodnyk Syrnyky Salo Kotleta Po Kyivsky (Chicken Kyiv) Savory Garlic Pampushky Pampukh (Donuts) Halushky Odesa Borshch Korovai Hombovtsi Traditional Medivnyk Space Age Medivnyk Mandryk Pliatsky: Royal Cherry Ohirkivka (Pickle Soup) Benderyky Pliatsok "Hutsulka" Kruchenyky Vereshchaka Medivka Honey Cookies Fuchky Khrinovukha Knysh Bryndzya Kalyta Pasulya Pidbyvana Kapusnyak Kvasha Kachana Kasha Mazuryky The Ponchyky of Lake Svitiaz Rosivnytsia Kulish Shcherba Dandelion Honey Sandy Varenyky
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The 816th day of a ten-year invasion that has been going on for centuries.
One day closer to victory.

🇺🇦 HEROYAM SLAVA! 🇺🇦

We are Ukraïner, a non-profit media aimed at advocating for the authentic Ukraine - and unexpected geographical discoveries and multiculturalism.
This is an article that was published on May 11th, 2024. It has been condensed for Reddit.
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Provody, Provodna Nedilia, Hrobky, Mohylky... let us tell you about these holidays and why people celebrate them.

Photo: Taras Kovalchuk.
In Ukraine you might see small groups of people who gather at cemeteries every Spring, bringing food and strong drinks, setting tables right among the graves, and conversing and praying for a long time. This might seem strange or even uncouth to some, however, this is a longstanding Ukrainian tradition of honoring ancestors. Unfortunately, many perceive it with prejudice or hostility nowadays because there is often a lack of understanding of how this ritual actually took place before various ideologies influenced its interpretation (and the ritual itself). Primarily, this concerns the detrimental impact of the Soviet era, during which this Ukrainian tradition either withered away or degenerated completely.
Provody, Provodna Nedilia, Hrobky, Mohylky, also known as Radunytsia (Radonytsia), Didy, Babskyi Velykden—all these are names common in various regions of Ukraine but denote the same thing: the days of honoring departed souls and remembering their lives during a symbolic meal.
Ancestor worship has been known since the times of ancient societies: both in matriarchal communities (in Melanesia, Micronesia) and in later patriarchal societies. Ancient Greeks, Romans, and Slavs also had such traditions.

Origins of the Ukrainian Tradition

During the early times of Rus, tradition of Radonytsia was known to already exist and it was closely linked with ancestor worship. Its roots trace back to the era of paganism and the word literally means "solemn days." Ancient Slavs referred to Radonytsia or "spring joy" as a whole cycle of spring holidays dedicated to commemorating the dead. When Christianity was adopted, the celebration condensed into a single day—the second Sunday after Easter. According to ancient folk beliefs, the dead rejoice when their living relatives remember them fondly and tend to their graves.
According to Ukrainian folk beliefs, the annual commemorations of relatives during the spring awakening of nature symbolized the infinity of the life cycle and the inclusion of people who had passed away into this cycle. After the adoption of Christianity, Orthodox clergy initially condemned all such holidays, including Provody (the common name given by the church), considering them pagan rituals, and called for the eradication of this custom. However, such powerful archetypal traditions are impossible to erradicate, so they remained, albeit transformed into various forms and manifestations. For example, in addition to Provody, honoring the dead found expression in the following holidays:
Winter

• Christmas: weaving a didukh (a symbol of the ancestor), in some regions, people leave a spoon in kutia after the Holy Supper, leaving the dish overnight, supposedly for the souls of deceased relatives.

Spring & Summer

• Green Holidays, including Green Sunday (Trinity Sunday): commemorating the dead at home, in church, and/or at the cemetery, adorning graves with greenery. On the Saturday before the Green Holidays, even those who died by their own hand are commemorated.

Autumn

• Dmytro's Saturday, Grandfathers’ Saturday, Grandfathers’ Days, Grandfathers’ Laments, or Grandfathers (Didy): honoring departed family members at home with a memorial dinner, including kolyva, visiting their graves, and tidying them up.

Over time, memorial days became an organic part of church commemorations: requiem services were held not only in church but also at the cemetery. At the same time, the observance of Provody was regulated, essentially reduced to commemorating known relatives, and any pre-Christian era expressions of joyful behavior were condemned. However, in Polissia, unlike, say, central Ukraine, the tradition still retains more archaic features. For example, it is considered a sin to mourn during these days because the deceased should rejoice that their relatives remember them, so it is very important not to "spoil the mood" for the dead.
Photo. Luchka Village, Poltava region, 1960s. Photo from the family archive of Oleksandr Liutyi.
The first known written mention of commemorating relatives in the second week after Easter is recorded in the Chronicles of Rus from 1372.
Throughout the ages, addressing ancestors and/or honoring them was fundamental for Ukrainians, shaping their identity and influencing various aspects of life, including spirituality. Thematic holidays and rituals existed in all Ukrainian regions, so the stereotype that this is a Soviet relic or lacks cultural taste is fallacious, as the connection with ancestors provides an answer to the question "who are we?"
Before Provody, on the Thursday of Holy Week, it is customary to visit the cemetery to tidy up the graves of relatives—pull out weeds, tidy or update plaques, plant new flowers. Therefore, this day is sometimes called the “Mavka’s Easter” or "Easter for the Dead" because it was believed that on this day the news of Easter reached the afterlife, and the dead joined the celebration with the living.
Photo: Taras Kovalchuk.

Memorial event after Easter

In simplified terms, Hrobky, Provody, Mohylky, etc., are a way to commemorate the dead loved ones, sharing a meal with them, so to speak. Therefore, in addition to the usual food for daily consumption, special food with ritual significance is prepared. This includes consecrated bread and kolyva. Kolyva among Slavic peoples, including Ukrainians, refers to a memorial kutia made from grains with a sweet syrup. The name of this dish originates from the ancient custom of offering grain and fruits during memorial ceremonies, which in Ancient Greek was called "kolluba" (in Byzantine pronunciation — "kollyva").
The recipe for memorial kutia may overlap with the recipe for Christmas kutia, but the former is usually less sweet. Traditionally, kolyva is made from boiled wheat, but nowadays it can be made from rice, with the addition of raisins, nuts and sometimes candy-coated seeds or nuts. The porridge is poured over with water mixed with honey or sugar. The use of grain in kolyva symbolizes the continuation of the family line, while honey was believed to cleanse from sins.
Of course, the recipe may vary slightly depending on the region. For example, in the Dnipro region, instead of grains, people traditionally use slices of white bread soaked in syrup.
Kolyva is usually eaten with a single shared spoon, just as a symbolic amount of alcohol is drank from a single glass. The leftover memorial kutia is intended as food for the dead, as if they were visiting the living during the meal. Ethnographer Dmytro Zelenin noted that according to the beliefs of Eastern Slavs, "the dead has all the same needs as a living person, especially the need for food."
Photo: Taras Kovalchuk.
Our ancestors believed that sharing a meal with the souls of the dead granted them eternal peace. And for the living, it served as a reminder not only of the cycle, transience, and cyclical nature of life but also strengthened the family through this connection with their ancestors. During the meal, proverbs were recited: "They lie down to rest—holding up the land, while we walk—waking up the land," "Let us be healthy, and let them rest easy."
The script of the event in various regions of Ukraine was and sometimes remains more or less constant: first, the priest performs the solemn liturgical service, then the families gathered at the cemetery sit down to commemorate the dead with the food and drinks. The memorial meal begins with a collective prayer. In the Polissia region, for example, there is a tradition of sprinkling the graves with blessed eggs, and in some regions, it was customary to sing spiritual songs.
During the pre-Soviet period, significantly more food was traditionally consumed during these memorial days than nowadays. Dishes like kulish, cabbage soup, peas with smoked meat, pork liver, bread, creppes with various fillings, dumplings, pies, knyshi (a type of bread), stuffed cabbage rolls, fried fish, and more were prepared specifically for the event. Special bread called paska and kutia were also made.
Interestingly, the meals were either eaten at tables set in advance or on blankets spread out on the grass. In the 1970s, tables and benches began to be universally installed, one for each family. This allowed living relatives to share the memorial meal in close proximity to the dead.
In addition to food, drinks, including alcoholic beverages, were also brought to the graves. However, this should not be equated with a regular feast, as everything had a ritual significance. For example, a symbolic shot of horilka was passed around in a circle among those present so that everyone could take a sip "for the Kingdom of Heaven" and for the repose of the dead. It is noteworthy that the glasses were only raised, not clinked, as this was strictly forbidden at memorial gatherings.
If the table was large and many people gathered around it, there were two such shots, but no more. The reason for this restrained feast near the graves was simple— it was believed that a loud celebration could scare the souls of the dead, who, according to folk beliefs, were present there. People didn't sing, they spoke quietly and solemnly. Toasts were not proposed; instead, they said phrases like "[Name] eat, drink, rest, and wait for us!"; "Eat, drink, and remember us, sinners!"; "May you await the Kingdom of Heaven, and may we not hurry to join you!"; "May the earth be soft!"; "Let's drink to the Kingdom of Heaven for our (Ivan, Olha, etc.)!"
Photo. Luchka village, Poltava Region, 1960s. Photo from the family archive of Oleksandr Liutyi.
In addition to dishes for the common table, people would always prepare dishes for the dead that they particularly enjoyed in life. After the meal, a portion of these dishes, some kutia, and sometimes even horilka were left at the grave, and the earth was sprinkled with this strong drink.
Such memorial gatherings often invited passersby and the poor. Leftover food was distributed to those who couldn't attend, with a request to eat or drink "in memory of the souls."
Photo. Engraving from 1877 based on a drawing by Kostiantyn Trutovskyi. Source: \"Vsesvitnia Ilustratsiia\" magazine, volume 17.
In the church dictionary of 1773, there is mention of such a custom:

— On Radonytsia, it was a common practice among the common folk to remember their deceased relatives with pagan rituals, and whoever remembered them brought sweetened wine, pies, crepes to the grave. After performing prayers the priest would take a cup of wine or a glass of beer, and poured out most of it onto the grave and drank the rest themselves; at the same time, women would lament the good deeds of the deceased with tearful voices...

Photo: Yuriy Stefanyak.
All this once again prompts us to think that cemeteries are not only about personal stories but also about the life of a whole nation. That is why it is important to take care of preserving cemeteries and rediscovering authentic traditions. During the full-scale war, this is more relevant than ever, as russia is making daily efforts to destroy not only the Ukrainian nation but also any memory of it.
Unfortunately, many Ukrainians currently cannot even visit the graves of their relatives because they are buried in occupied territories; many villages, towns, and even cities are destroyed, so there is nowhere to come to remember. Every piece of native land becomes more precious, the value of each life becomes sharper, and the importance of memory becomes more significant.
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The 784th day of a nine year invasion that has been going on for centuries.
One day closer to victory.

🇺🇦 HEROYAM SLAVA! 🇺🇦

"Sandy" Varenyky: Maybe Don't Count the Calories?

I would eat that whole bowl, no hesitation. I've always been bad at math.
Varenyky, one of the central pillars of Ukrainian cuisine, is often served with cracklings (along with caramelized onions) on top. Well... today we present Sandy Varenyky, a variant that features a cracklings filling. Its name comes from the color of the filling, which is reminiscent of golden sand.
This dish is especially popular in Poltava, Chernihiv, and in Kharkiv Slobozhanshchyna.
I should say upfront that the weight loss potential for this dish is essentially non-existent - its caloric density is off the charts! The filling of these little guys is mostly straight up pork fat... but I can assure you that the sinful taste of this ancient Ukrainian food makes up for the hit your macros will take.
A dish like this would give people a lot of strength back in the day when tough physical work was a daily expectation for everyone. But if you're an office worker type, you could consider decreasing the caloric count by making them a little less puffy, and by adding more onions. Or just go with it.
Note: We've written a lot about Varenyky in the past! You can find pics/more info on that in our sunrise posts about the dish: General Info About Varenyky "Lazy" Varenyky Strawberry Varenyky How to Make Classic Varenyky
Okay, let's have a look at this indulgent recipe!
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How to Make "Sandy" Varenyky

Photo: cookorama.net
Ingredients for the Dough

• Flour - 500-550 grams, and a bit more for dusting (and for spilling all over the kitchen and yourself)
• Kefir - 300 ml
  • You can substitute with water or buttermilk if Kefir is not available in your market
• Baking Soda: 1 tsp
• Salt - 1 tsp
• Optional - 1 egg
  • Add an egg if you are a varenyky novice and would like to do it easy mode

Ingredients for the Filling

• Pork belly: 500 grams
• Onions - 2
• Flour - 5 tbsp flour
• Salt to taste
• Black pepper to taste
• And any spices you like!

Preparing the Dough

1. In a bowl, combine the kefir or water (heated to a warm state), egg, and salt. Mix.
2. Sift the flour separately, add soda to it.
3. Then add flour to the liquid mix and knead a soft and elastic dough.
4. Then cover it with a towel and let it rest for 20 minutes.

Preparing the Filling

1. Cube the pork belly, put it in a pan and fry it, stirring until it is crispy and cooked.
2. Remove the cubes from the pan, put in a bowl, and pour off the melted fat (which can be used in cooking other dishes, like pies or sauces!).
3. Grind the cracklings in a meat grinder.
4. Chop the onion into cubes, then caramelize them the way you like it in the same pan where the cracklings were cooked. Stirring them until golden brown, then add it to the ground cracklings.
5. Separately, toast the flour in a dry frying pan until golden brown. Then add it to the onions and cracklings.
6. Add the salt, then mix everything together well. The filling is ready!

Assembly and Cooking

1. Divide the dough into small equal pieces, then roll them into circles.
2. Put a healthy amount of filling in the middle, seal the edges, and form the varenyky. Place each varenyky on a flour-dusted surface.
3. Heat water in a saucepan to boiling, then salt it.
4. Gently place the varenyky in the water, stir, and cook for about 5 minutes. They will bob on the surface of the water when they are done!
5. Remove the varenyky with a slotted spoon and place in a bowl, occasionally pouring extra caramelized onions over them so they don't stick together.
6. Now your Sandy Varenyky are ready, and you can serve them with dill, sour cream or any other favorite garnish you have. I know someone who eats Varenyky with Frank’s Red Hot :)
7. Perhaps to soften the impact of this calorie bomb, you could serve it with fresh salad. Or not. Maybe with extra cracklings on top instead.

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Смачного!

Part of our series on Ukrainian recipes! You can find the other entries in the series here:
Borshch Varenyky (Recipe) Varenyky Cultural Background Horilka Banosh Hrechanyky Kyivskyi Cake Makivnyk Vyshnyak Drunken Cherry Cake Varenukha Pumpkin Porridge Lazy Varenyky Holubtsi Kalach Kvas Christmas Borshch Uzvar Kutya Beetroot Salad Kapusnyak Nalysnyk Bublyk Deruny Wild Mushroom Sauce Kozak Kapusnyak Yavorivskyi Pie Spring Dough Birds Kholodets Easter Bread (Babka/Paska) Khrin & Tsvikli Shpundra Teterya Green Borshch Kalatusha Elderflower Kvas Crimean Tatar Chebureky Ryazhanka Verhuny Liubystok (Lovage) Young Borshch with Hychka Baturyn Cookies Strawberry Varenyky Stinging Nettle Pancakes Kholodnyk Syrnyky Salo Kotleta Po Kyivsky (Chicken Kyiv) Savory Garlic Pampushky Pampukh (Donuts) Halushky Odesa Borshch Korovai Hombovtsi Traditional Medivnyk Space Age Medivnyk Mandryk Pliatsky: Royal Cherry Ohirkivka (Pickle Soup) Benderyky Pliatsok "Hutsulka" Kruchenyky Vereshchaka Medivka Honey Cookies Fuchky Khrinovukha Knysh Bryndzya Kalyta Pasulya Pidbyvana Kapusnyak Kvasha Kachana Kasha Mazuryky The Ponchyky of Lake Svitiaz Rosivnytsia Kulish Shcherba Dandelion Honey
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The 809th day of a ten-year invasion that has been going on for centuries.
One day closer to victory.

🇺🇦 HEROYAM SLAVA! 🇺🇦

My partner and I made a lot of great memories playing Dragon’s Crown. We always got psyched for the cooking minigame. So for his birthday, I surprised him with IRL camping!
Woke him up with the camping theme from the Dragon’s Crown OST. He got to choose four ingredients, two in pans, and two in pots. I had a recipe prepped for every choice. In the end, it was…

• Breakfast: poached harpy eggs (duck eggs) on wild boar pancetta, asparagus, and honey mustard vinaigrette
  
• Snack: cold beer with salt pork cracklings
  
• Lunch: pea and chorizo croquettes with lemon ricotta and fresh pea shoots
  
• Cocktail: Ume highball garnished with candied ginger
  
• Dinner appetizer: lobster bisque with gruyere toasts
  
• Dinner main course: sautéed archdemon heart (beef heart) stuffed with spinach, bacon, and porcini mushrooms, served on wild black rice
  
• Dessert: killer rabbit head (the very last chocolate Easter bunny from our local chocolatier, 69% dark)
  

Excluding the bisque, I’ve never made any of these recipes before. So it was a lot of fun! Thanks to Vanillaware for illustrating inspirationally lush food—and lady abs! ✌️

Ketchup seasoning???

I’m sorry for not posting our recap as usual! Muchas grathias to the pepinos who checked in to see if I had been silenced or driven nuts by the Baldwins – neither one, life just got in the way right when I would usually make time to write. I need a Leonela/Leonetta, dammit! Nevertheless, The Baldwinian Fuckery* was on full display in March and we’re here for it!
*coined by u/Funky_MFer
Hillary’s IG Stats

• March 2022 = 118 posts (including the classic supposed rescue of an Asian woman who was being harassed on the streets of NYC )
• March 2023 = 12 posts
• March 2024 = 2 posts

~Hillary & Alec’s IG Stats~

• January 2024 = Hillary 17 posts & Alec 28 posts
• February 2024 = Hillary 8 posts & Alec 20 posts
• March 2024 = Hillary 2 posts & Alec 21 posts

~Recap~

• Some things in the claustrophobic Baldwin universe never change: Alec’s ill-fitting pants, the ubiquitous yellow Madman Expresso disposable coffee cups, and Hillary’s penchant for starting every month with “look at me!” energy. In March it was “fun haircuts” for the three oldest boys.

Top-tier parenting moment, my kids don’t sing or play instruments, but their looks are what matter!

• By March 5^th, Hilz was down to 992K followers. My own belief is that she probably has 300K to 400K actual real followers – plenty of people like mediocre content.

Watching these inflated fake numbers drop is as satisfying as Boston clam chowder.

• In true chaos goblin mode (his default state) Alec posted a creepy pic on IG of him supposedly being awakened by his baby’s foot in his face (what is it with these simpletons and their love of fake sleeping pics?) and, on Threads, a reference to Boy Scout Law. While the words might still make sense, he’s pretty much the embodied antonym of each one.

You are zero out of twelve, Zander.

• On March 6th Hannah Gutierrez-Reed was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter and acquitted of evidence tampering. Naturally on March 7^th Alec and Hilz were all about making a show of getting their kids in the car which a nanny could easily do in probably 1/5 of the time it takes these two dingleberries to do it. u/Kellygrrrl328 wisely noted “Mama in cashmere winter coat. Prop in crop top. 😵‍💫” Poor Carmen.

Why does she get him in the car first? Why can't they get in simultaneously?

• First Hillary had to angry stomp and escort her husband to ensure he got in the front passenger seat. Now, Alec could give a rat’s ass about his faux Spanish bride when he’s on a mission to heave himself into the car – he’s got a singular focus. Hillary Lynn, on the other hand, performs a one-woman show. She’s ANGRY, cue scowling face. She’s PROTETCIVE, cue her hovering behind Alec as he gets in the car. She’s ON HIGH ALERT, cue her standing on the car running board for a beat (conveniently letting paps get their shots). Finally, she’s DISGUSTED, cue her slamming the car door. Aaaaaaand, scene. Tew. Much.
• Also, NYC peeps, please tell us how this makes sense: they drop the kids off to school in Brooklyn and then Alec goes to his “office” at 620 Broadway. Wut? Welp, at least Mami was dressed in grown folk clothing and not shiny leggingos or Care Bear attire as she had her new pap du jour, Elder Ordoñez, help her promote her business interests, Sorsó & Madman Espresso. Much love to the commenter on Elder’s page who noted “she really cracks me up. She’s not even doing anything and she’s so extra” and the many, many more who were like “uh, her name is Hillary, she’s not gorgeous, her whole schtick is pretending she’s from Spain, and how much does she pay you for this nonsense?”

As my crush u/MallorcanMalarkey observed “would Hillary even attempt to make coffee on her own? Hillary operating a coffee machine would be something like a chipmunk operating a nuclear power plant.”

• PeePaw posted a video of Marilú and Edu eating “toast” (Is it a toasted piece of bread? Maybe. Is it appetizing? Of course not) and staring at an iPad while a nanny sat with Rafa at the dining table and a plexiglass pet kennel stood in the back ground with poop on the floor. Our very own Hieronymus Bosch painting.

That yellow goo is not the \"butter, jam, cinnamon, and Nutella\" that Alec waxed poetic about in his post. Justice for ML!

• Can you imagine how long it took Alec to put together pictures for International Women’s Day? I can see him in his “office” squinting at his phone and putting together pictures of his wife and four daughters and painstakingly tapping out “Women’s Day. I know some very special women.” Sir, you know a batshit crazy woman from Boston who pretends her childhood vacations changed her ethnicity, an adult woman traumatized by how you verbally abused her as a kid, a 10-year-old daughter whose childhood is effectively over thanks to the aforementioned batshit lady, and two little girls who function as props/human shields.

Stahhhhhp, Hilz (in my best Sammy voice, IYKYK).

• Proving that pepinos can make magic out of nada, u/MallorcanMalarkey treated us to a reimagined single-use coffee cup pap walk. I love it here.

It's the eyebrows and chanclas for me.

• Alec was sent out to walk the kids/gladhand and the nanny who was neatly cropped out of this pap walk was captured in a video posted to TikTok. The fact that PeePaw can’t take two of his kids out for a walk without a nanny AND an assistant (!) is a big ol’ mishmash (is that the word, Hilly?) of privilege, ineptitude, cluelessness, ego, and pathetic life choices.

Why do people incapable of/uninterested in parenting have SEVEN kids?

• More pap walks with props in the midst of Rust legal proceedings.

Just let the nanny take the baby to a Mommy and Me class, FFS.

• Hope Sophie & Jamie finds us because we are their people!

Come join us!

• While Alec has cute toddler props, Hillary’s props are…gigantic headphones and a whole new face? Discuss. Also, u/MallorcanMalarkey is a Pepino Nation treasure we must protect at all costs.

I love the Tom Cruise connection because Hilly's face is giving Tom looking like he was stung by 100 bees a few years ago.

• Alec apparently tried to manipulate Grand Jury proceedings by leaking videos from the Rust set that he thought would show him concerned about others’ safety. This failed, as most of his transparent ploys tend to do, but he posted a picture of Baby Ila to deflect (her purpose in his eyes).
• On the same day, Alec posted his views on how the media should leave Princess Kate alone and yet another pic of the three older boys staring a screen. However, the pic of the boys was spiced up by the pest control inspection report clearly visible in the shot and the addition of a song from Oliver!. Can’t imagine why he would associate his own sons with a show about poor little orphan boys who don’t ever get quite enough to eat and are mistreated by adults. Hmmmm…

Wishing Kate the best. Alec, not so much.

• I know next to nothing about Kyle Richards and RHOBH (I’m strictly a RHONJ hate/cringe watcher) but knowing that she thinks Cucumberita would be a “dream cast mate” officially means she’s a nutter in my book.

Love to see the word \"faking\" next to \"her Spanish heritage.\"

• Then Hillary jumped into the fray with her second of two posts this month. Naturally it was a dud, but let’s assess why. The timing was good – the day after Kyle’s “thoughts” made the tabloids. Hillary posted an indirect response – also good to keep the momentum going. Per usual, she doesn’t pull it off because she has no sense of timing or restraint as well as a total lack of wit. She added a stupid poll about the child in the picture – was it Carmen or Marilú – ma’am that was clearly twelve faces and six children ago. Had she left that off it might have worked – either lean alllllll the way in or don’t do it at all, Hilz.

This post is wrong in the same way Hillary's outfit is wrong in the same way a tiny child holding a Cartier box is wrong.

• Two days later, Alec posted a video of all of them at the park and u/MrsFrankweiler astutely pointed that Hillary’s legs were looking a bit, how you say, totally normal when compared to the hallway selfie version. I’m sure PeePaw got an earful about his inconsiderate filter omission.

Your legs are fine, Hillary.

• While he was in the doghouse/his office/his own apartment, Alec kept busy (as one does when one has 7 kids aged ten and under at home) making blunders on X that showcase how highly he thinks of himself and how little he actually knows.

Chrissie Hynde/All Along the Watchtowe9

• As the month wound down, Hillary’s followers continued to fall (they’ve since gone up by 1K)

Smoke and mirrors.

• They closed out the month with a “Alec Baldwin celebrates Easter because he’s a God fearing man” post and an uninspired “Alec Baldwin is a family man” pap walk featuring a hot beverage with no lid near the littles - an apt metaphor for their lives right now. At least Carmen was dressed for the weather and her age, despite the phone she was clutching. I’ll take a small victory for the kids any day!

What happened between the puffy Tom Cruise face on 3/20 and this face on 3/31?

Sardinia in May The Mediterranean Paradise Awakens

May in Sardinia is a magical experience. The island, still kissed by the sweetness of spring, awakens from its winter torpor and prepares to welcome summer. The mild climate, with pleasant temperatures and sunny days, invites you to leave your coats behind and immerse yourself in the lush nature.

Dream Beaches

• Cala Goloritzè: A jewel set among limestone rocks, with turquoise waters and white sand.
• La Pelosa: An expanse of fine sand lapped by crystal-clear waters, ideal for families with children.
• Cala Luna: Accessible only by sea or via a panoramic path, it offers a wild and unspoilt atmosphere.
• Prince Beach: A paradise for snorkelling enthusiasts, with a seabed rich in fish and corals.
• Porto Giunco: A beach of fine white sand, with juniper-covered dunes and a turquoise-hued sea.

Outdoor Activities:

• Trekking: Sardinia offers numerous paths immersed in nature, perfect for hiking enthusiasts. The Supramonte, the Gennargentu and the Costa Verde are just some of the areas to explore.
• Bicycling: Cycling the scenic roads of Sardinia is an unforgettable experience.
• Equestrianism: Exploring the hinterland on horseback allows you to discover hidden corners and enjoy breathtaking landscapes.
• Sailing and Windsurfing: Sardinia's windswept coastlines are perfect for water sports enthusiasts.

Culture and Traditions:

• Archaeological Sites: Sardinia is rich in evidence of its past, such as the nuraghi, the tombs of the giants and the domus de janas.
• Historical Towns: Cagliari, Alghero, Bosa and Castelsardo are just some of the towns that are worth a visit for their history and charm.
• Crafts: Sardinia boasts a rich tradition of handicrafts, with unique products such as ceramics, textiles and jewellery.
• Gastronomy: Sardinian cuisine is a triumph of flavours and fragrances. Don't miss the culurgiones, the malloreddus and the porceddu.

May in Sardinia is an invitation to discover a multifaceted island, where unspoilt nature blends with millenary history and authentic culture.
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Family Accommodation: Find the Perfect Solution for Your Stay

May in Sardinia offers a wide choice of family accommodation to suit all needs and budgets. From facilities directly on the beach to holiday villages with entertainment, from holiday homes immersed in nature to farmhouses, you are sure to find the perfect solution for your stay.
Hotels and Resorts:

• Hotels on the Beach: Ideal for those who want to have the beach just a few steps away and enjoy all the comforts.
• Resorts with Entertainment: Perfect for families with children, offering activities and entertainment for all ages.
• Hotels with Swimming Pool: Ideal for relaxing and having fun in the water, even when the sea is not calm.
• Boutique Hotels: Charming establishments with an intimate and cosy atmosphere.

Holiday Homes and Apartments:

• Villas with Pool: Ideal for large families or groups of friends, offering privacy and comfort.
• Apartments by the Sea: Perfect for those who want to wake up to the sound of the waves and enjoy a breathtaking view.
• Rural Houses: Surrounded by nature, they offer an authentic and relaxing experience.

Villages:

• All Inclusive Villages: Ideal for those who want a carefree holiday with all services included.
• Villages with Mini Club: Perfect for families with children, offering activities and entertainment for the little ones.
• Sports Villages: Ideal for sports enthusiasts, offering tennis courts, five-a-side football, beach volleyball and other activities.

Agritourism:

• Agritourism with Educational Farm: Perfect for letting children discover life in the countryside and animals.
• Agritourisms with Restaurant: Offering the possibility of tasting typical Sardinian cuisine.
• Agritourisms with swimming pool: Ideal for relaxing and enjoying nature.

Choosing the right accommodation is essential for an unforgettable family holiday. Consider your needs, your budget and the type of experience you want to have.

Spring Escape: Exploring Sardinia's Unspoilt Beaches in May

May is the ideal month for a spring getaway to Sardinia. The beaches, still uncrowded, present themselves in all their splendour, with fine sand and crystal-clear waters inviting you to relax and enjoy the beauty of nature.
Beaches for All Tastes:

• Smeralda Coast: Famous for its white sandy beaches and turquoise waters, the Costa Smeralda offers an exclusive and glamorous atmosphere.
• Golfo di Orosei: An unspoilt stretch of coastline with hidden coves, sea caves and beaches that can only be reached by sea or via scenic paths.
• Costa Verde: A paradise for lovers of wild nature, with sand dunes, sheer cliffs and windswept beaches.
• Maddalena Archipelago: A group of islands and islets with white sandy beaches and crystal clear waters, perfect for snorkelling and diving.
• Southern Sardinia: The southern coast of Sardinia offers golden sandy beaches and calm waters, ideal for families with children.

Exploring the Hidden Coves:

• Cala Mariolu: A small beach of white pebbles, with turquoise waters and a seabed rich in fish.
• Cala Biriola: A white sandy cove, surrounded by sheer cliffs, reachable only by sea or through a challenging path.
• Cala Sisine: A sand and pebble beach with crystal-clear waters and a sea cave to explore.
• Cala Luna: One of the most famous beaches in the Gulf of Orosei, with white sand, turquoise waters and a karstic cave.
• Piscinas: A golden sandy beach, with dunes up to 60 metres high, stretching for kilometres along the Costa Verde.

Beach Activities:

• Snorkelling and diving: The crystal-clear waters of Sardinia offer an underwater world full of fish and coral to discover.
• Kayak and SUP: Exploring the coast by kayak or stand-up paddle allows you to reach hidden coves and enjoy a unique perspective.
• Boat excursions: Numerous companies offer boat trips to discover the most beautiful coves and sea caves.
• Relax in the sun: Sardinia's beaches are perfect for relaxing in the sun and enjoying the tranquillity.

Spring Escape in Sardinia is an opportunity to discover unspoilt beaches, immerse yourself in nature and live an unforgettable experience.
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May in Sardinia: Trekking, Culture and Gastronomy - A Multisensory Journey

May in Sardinia is an explosion of colours, scents and flavours. The mild climate and long days invite you to discover the island through a multisensory journey, combining the pleasure of trekking with the discovery of culture and local gastronomy.
Trekking for All Levels:

• Selvaggio Blu: Considered one of the most challenging treks in Europe, Selvaggio Blu winds along the east coast of Sardinia, offering breathtaking views and hidden coves.
• Supramonte: A limestone plateau with canyons, caves and scenic trails, ideal for hikes of varying difficulty.
• Gennargentu: The highest mountain massif in Sardinia, with paths leading to panoramic peaks and lakes of glacial origin.
• Costa Verde: A stretch of coastline with sand dunes, sheer cliffs and paths winding through the Mediterranean maquis.
• Island of Asinara: An island national park with paths leading to unspoilt beaches and sites of historical interest.

Immersion into Sardinian Culture:

• Nuraghi: The ancient stone towers, symbol of Sardinia, are scattered throughout the territory and offer evidence of the Nuragic civilisation.
• Historic Towns: Cagliari, Alghero, Bosa and Castelsardo are just some of the towns that are worth a visit for their history, architecture and traditions.
• Museums: Sardinia is home to numerous museums that tell the story of the island's history, culture and art.
• Festivals and Fairs: May is a month full of festivals and fairs, which offer the opportunity to immerse oneself in local traditions and taste typical products.

Authentic Flavours:

• Culurgiones: Fresh pasta ravioli filled with potatoes, pecorino cheese and mint.
• Malloreddus: Gnocchetti of durum wheat semolina, seasoned with tomato sauce and sausage.
• Porceddu: Suckling pig cooked on a spit.
• Fregola: Durum wheat semolina pasta, similar to couscous, served with seafood or vegetables.
• Seadas: Fried pastry sweets filled with fresh cheese and covered with honey.

May in Sardinia is an experience that involves all the senses, offering a perfect mix of nature, culture and gastronomy.
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Sardinia in May with Kids: Activities and Fun for the Whole Family

May in Sardinia is the perfect time of year for a family holiday. The mild climate, sandy beaches and numerous outdoor activities offer an unforgettable experience for young and old alike.
Child-friendly beaches:

• La Pelosa: With its fine sand and shallow, crystal-clear waters, La Pelosa is ideal for the little ones.
• Cala Brandinchi: Nicknamed 'Little Tahiti' for its beauty, Cala Brandinchi offers white sand and calm waters, perfect for playing safely.
• Porto Giunco: Porto Giunco beach, with its sand dunes and shallow sea, is a true paradise for children.
• Porto Giunco: With its crystal-clear waters and fine sand, the beach at Chia is ideal for building sandcastles and playing by the sea.
• Cala Gonone: The beaches of Cala Gonone, reachable by boat, offer a unique experience for the whole family.

Adventures for Little Explorers:

• Asinara National Park: An island national park where children can spot wild animals such as white donkeys, mouflons and horses.
• Caves of Is Zuddas: A journey into the heart of the earth to discover stalactites, stalagmites and striking rock formations.
• Cala Gonone Aquarium: A dive into the underwater world to admire colourful fish, sharks and sea turtles.
• Trenino Verde: A scenic journey on board a historical train through breathtaking landscapes.
• Adventure Parks: Fun for the little ones with acrobatic courses through the trees, Tibetan bridges and zip lines.

Activities for the Whole Family:

• Boat excursions: A fun way to discover Sardinia's hidden coves and sea caves.
• Snorkelling: An unforgettable experience to admire the colourful fish and seabed.
• Horse riding: An original way to explore the hinterland and enjoy nature.
• Bicycling: Numerous cycle paths allow you to discover Sardinia in an ecological and fun way.
• Craft workshops: Children can learn to create objects from natural materials and discover Sardinia's craft traditions.

May in Sardinia is an opportunity to create unforgettable family memories, including dream beaches, exciting adventures and fun activities for everyone.
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Festivals and Events: Immerse yourself in Sardinian Culture in May

May in Sardinia is a month full of festivals and events celebrating the island's culture, traditions and history. Immersing yourself in these events is a unique way to discover the authentic soul of Sardinia.

Religious and Traditional Feasts:

• Sant'Efisio (Cagliari, 1 May): One of the most important religious festivals in Sardinia, with a colourful procession through the streets of Cagliari.
• La Cavalcata Sarda (Sassari, penultimate Sunday of May): A spectacular event with parades of traditional costumes, horsemen and folk groups from all over the island.
• Sagra di Sant'Antioco (Sant'Antioco, 15 days after Easter): A religious festival with processions, dancing and traditional songs.

Musical and Cultural Festivals:

• European Jazz Expo (Cagliari, May): An international jazz music festival with world-famous artists.
• International Literature Festival (Gavoi, May): An event dedicated to literature with meetings, book presentations and readings.
• Time in Jazz (Berchidda, August): A jazz music festival with concerts in various atmospheric locations.

Food and wine events:

• Artichoke Festival (Samassi, April): An opportunity to taste the Sardinian spiny artichoke, a typical product of the area.
• Bottarga Festival (Cabras, May): A festival dedicated to mullet botargo, a delicacy of Sardinian cuisine.
• Cantine Aperte (Open Cellars (May): An event that allows visitors to visit the wine cellars of Sardinia and taste local wines.

Sports Events:

• Giro d'Italia (May): The famous bicycle race often crosses Sardinia, offering an exciting sporting spectacle.
• Rally Italia Sardegna (June): A World Rally Championship race that takes place on unpaved and scenic roads.

Participating in these festivals and events is a way to immerse oneself in Sardinian culture, discover local traditions, savour typical products and enjoy unique experiences.
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Relaxation and Well-being: Regenerate Body and Mind in Sardinia

May in Sardinia is the ideal time to indulge in relaxation and wellness. The island offers numerous opportunities to regenerate body and mind, including thermal centres, spas, yoga and outdoor activities.
Thermal Centres and Spas:

• Terme di Sardara: Renowned for the therapeutic properties of its waters, the Terme di Sardara spa offers thermal treatments, massages and wellness courses.
• Terme di Fordongianus: An ancient Roman thermal complex, today transformed into a modern wellness centre with thermal pools, sauna and Turkish bath.
• Resort Spas: Many resorts and hotels in Sardinia have wellness centres with a wide range of treatments and services.

Yoga and Meditation:

• Yoga Retreats: Sardinia hosts numerous yoga retreats, immersed in nature, where you can practice different disciplines and find your inner balance.
• Yoga on the Beach: Many beaches offer yoga classes at sunset or sunrise, for a unique experience in contact with the sea.
• Meditation Centres: The island also offers meditation centres where you can practise different techniques and find inner peace.

Outdoor Activities:

• Walking in Nature: Sardinia is rich in paths immersed in nature, ideal for relaxing and regenerating walks.
• Sailboat Excursions: Sailing along the Sardinian coast is a unique experience to enjoy the sea and the landscape.
• Birdwatching: Sardinia is a paradise for birdwatchers, with numerous bird species to observe.

May in Sardinia is an opportunity to take care of oneself, relax and regain the balance between body and mind.
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Sardinian Delights: A Gastronomic Journey through Unique Flavours

May in Sardinia is the perfect time to discover the richness and variety of Sardinian cuisine. Fresh seasonal produce, traditional recipes and local wines offer an unforgettable gastronomic experience.
Typical dishes:

• Porceddu: Roast suckling pig, slowly cooked on the spit, a signature dish of Sardinia.
• Culurgiones: Ravioli stuffed with potatoes, pecorino cheese and mint, served with tomato sauce and grated pecorino cheese.
• Fregola con Arselle: Toasted semolina pasta similar to cous cous, seasoned with arselle and cherry tomatoes.
• Spaghetti with Sea Urchins: A first course with an intense and delicate flavour, typical of coastal areas.
• Zuppa Gallurese: A dish made with stale bread, meat broth and pecorino cheese, baked au gratin.

Cheeses and cold cuts:

• Sardo Pecorino: A sheep's milk cheese with an intense and aromatic flavour, available in different maturities.
• Sardo Flower: Smoked sheep's milk cheese, with a strong and slightly spicy flavour.
• Casu Marzu: Sheep's milk cheese with fly larvae, with an intense and distinctive flavour.
• Sardinian sausage: Pork sausage flavoured with wild fennel.
• Sheep's Ham: Sheep's ham with a delicate and sweet flavour.

Sweets:

• Seadas: Pasta fritters filled with fresh cheese and covered with honey.
• Pabassinas: Biscuits made of almond paste, sultanas and orange peel.
• Amaretti: Soft biscuits made of bitter almonds.
• Torrone: Sweet made of honey, sugar, egg white and almonds.

Wines:

• Cannonau: Full-bodied and robust red wine, typical of Sardinia.
• Vermentino di Gallura: Fresh and aromatic white wine, ideal to accompany fish dishes.
• Carignano del Sulcis: Intense and fruity red wine.
• Vernaccia di Oristano: Fortified white wine with a sweet and aromatic flavour.

May in Sardinia is an opportunity to delight the palate with unique flavours and discover the island's culinary tradition.
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