Some shows I have really liked in the past are evangelion, devilman crybaby, Orion high school host club just bc it’s super funny, a silent voice, death note ( I loved death note also bc it’s funny but also interesting ), and avatar the last airbender ( YES I KNOW ITS NOT AN ANIME I DO NOT CAREE it’s similar enough to me) any other anime’s I’ve watched I didn’t really care for, or, now that I’m no longer a preteen, just cringe at now bc of how unserious they were. For example, I’m sorry but you could never make me watch my hero academia again, I legitimately don’t know why I used to love it so much other than the characters being funny and fun to draw.
Anyways, some other movies and shows I like/have liked that ARENT anime are, Bojack Horseman, Black Swan, Cruella, Midsommar, Avatar, Coraline, Fantastic Mr.Fox, 500 days of summer, the virgin suicides, Jennifer’s Body, Girl Interrupted, 10 things I hate about you ( really love that one), Marie Antoinette, Mean Girls, The good place, Split, Edward Scirrorhands, Ferris Buellers day off, The midnight Gospel, Stranger things, Labryinth (I ADORE David Bowie) The queens gambit, The VVitch, and the breakfast club.
Some books I like are, The Stranger, My year of rest and relaxation, Frankenstein, girl interrupted, and tbh I don’t read enough so that’s basically it.
I like comedy, fantasy, action, romance, drama, and a little bit of horror. My favorite stuff though it’s psychological, ethereal, complex things. I like mind-fucks, grand ideas and big concepts (which is why I love evangelion so much )
I also prefer shoes that don’t over sexualize the women too much, I know it’s bound to happen somewhat in anime, but if it’s over the top I hate that shit.

As a Swiftie I was so excited to see how they would use this song when I found out it was going to be featured. The lyrics are just so perfect for the moment, almost feels like it was written for the show even though we know it isn’t lol apologies for the VERY long deep dive here! I posted the full lyrics below too. Hope you enjoy!
“One night, a few moons ago I saw flecks of what could’ve been light” - the kiss, Colin’s realization of his feelings
“But it might just have been you passing by unbeknownst to me” - Colin unsure of if Penelope felt/feels the same
“Life is emotionally abusive” - by his own words it’s been torture
“And time can’t stop me quite like you did” - his thoughts being consumed by her, hasn’t been able to move on from that night
“And my flight was awful, thanks for asking.” - she didn’t write him back during his travels, and he missed her. He boasts stories but we see later that they were all hallow and empty to him.
“I’m unglued, thanks to you” - he literally can’t function now. Also related to the previous line, she didn’t write and he lost his identity without her there to remind him of who he really is. Pen has basically been unglued since they met!
“Flying in a dream, stars by the pocketful” - both of them living in the fantasy of each other. So idk if this line is a direct reference to the book “Stars in My Pocket Like Grains of Sand” (likely is given all the stars/space references in the song) but there is a lot to unpack here for why Taylor may be referencing this text, but for the parts that relate to Colin and Pen, basically (very basically as this is a very complex work) it’s a sci-fi story about two beings who find their perfect impossible match among the vast universe and what implications does that have among the intergalactic universe and politics. One of the main points of the novel is asking the reader to challenge societal rules about love and desire and how the main character’s desire for the other was not the societal norm and they are breaking these norms. There is a binary world but they don’t play in the binary rules.
The chorus: self explanatory it’s about thinking it’s unbelievable that someone you’ve wanted for so long could want you back. It’s rare and weird to see, “like snow on the beach.”
“You wanting me tonight feels impossible” - can be seen from both Penelope and Colin here thinking their feelings are never going to be reciprocated.
“But it’s coming down, no sound, it’s all around” - they see it but can’t believe it, it’s overcoming them, surrounding them, but it doesn’t feel real. Penelope doubting the things she’s seeing because she’s been burned by reading the signs wrong for so long. Colin seeing Pen take Debling’s hand to dance, walking away from him so she must not feel the same. Both trying to deny it but it’s happening, it doesn’t feel real so it must not be right? Everyone else seeing what’s happening but to them they’re lost in their own heads.
“This scene feels like what I once saw on screen” - or in this case in the “silly” romance novels Pen reads. Colin rushing in to stop her from marrying someone she doesn’t love and who doesn’t love her. Knight in shining armor, Cinderella, fairytales, etc.
“I searched aurora borealis green” - I mean the green dress, hello?? Beautiful patterns and fabrics of green she wears all season. Colin searching for her through the crowds. Also the green aurora is caused by oxygen aka they need each other like air.
“I’ve never seen someone lit from within blurring out my periphery” - the world falls away when they look at each other. They see the other person’s glow like no one else. Two parts stand out for me for this is the sunlight that hits Pen after Colin leaves and they make their agreement for him to help her find a husband (she is left in his glow) only to crash back when the latest LW paper comes and she realizes what she wrote about him. And the scene at the party where Colin walks to Pen after speaking to his mom about having the courage to ask if she felt the same - the scene around them blurs out and the parallel of coming back to reality when Debling comes over. They’re so focused on the other they don’t see/remember the world. Lots of examples of this line honestly.
“My smile is like I won a contest and to hide that would be so dishonest and it's fine to fake it 'til you make it ‘til you do, 'til it's true” - the laughter and friendship they share, the giddiness when they let down their barriers and see each other, when they hid their feelings they are dishonest to themselves. I also like this as Penelope trying to convince Colin she cares for him and maybe if she shows him how much they’re perfect for each other she can will it to be true.
“I (I) can't (can't) speak afraid to jinx it I (I) don't (don't) even dare to wish it” - follow up to the previous line, Penelope never saying out loud how she feels for Colin because then it would be real outside her mind and people will break her dream. Also Colin not being able to talk to Violet about his question being about Pen. Both of them only dream of the other, unable to speak on their feelings because what if it’s all in their head?
“But your eyes are flying saucers from another planet” - both of their eyes speaking their feelings to each other when their words fail. When they look at each other they are transported to a different reality that seems otherworldly. Also see my notes on the pocket full of stars line that joins here talking about the universe and finding each other.
This is one of my fav ones because it’s a lyric-ception: “now I’m all for you like Janet” - a reference to the song “All for You” by Janet Jackson, lyrics below are self explanatory:
“Finally I figured out But it took a long, long time Now there's a turnabout Maybe 'cause I'm tryin
There's been times (I'm so confused) All my roads (they lead to you) Just can't turn and walk away
Well, it's hard to say what it is I see in you Wonder if I'll always be with you Words can't say it and I can't do Enough to prove it's all for you
I thought I'd seen it all 'Cause it's been a long, long time Oh, but then we'll trip and fall Wonderin' if I'm blind
Rain comes pourin' down (pourin' down) Fallin' from blue skies (fallin' from blue skies) Words give out a sound Comin' from your eyes”
“Can this be a real thing? Can it? Are we falling like snow at the beach?” - them finally thinking and admitting that the dream world where they are together is real. They are the rare and beautiful thing they deemed impossible. They fell for each other in an inprobable but real way. Two things (snow/beach) that don’t seem to be compatible but when they come together it’s the most beautiful and special moment like they should have always been that way.
Full lyrics:
One night, a few moons ago I saw flecks of what could've been lights But it might just have been you Passing by unbeknownst to me Life is emotionally abusive And time can't stop me quite like you did And my flight was awful, thanks for asking I'm unglued, thanks to you And it's like snow at the beach Weird but fuckin' beautiful Flying in a dream, stars by the pocketful You wanting me tonight feels impossible But it's comin' down, no sound, it's all around Like snow on the beach Like snow on the beach Like snow on the beach Like snow, oh, oh oh This scene feels like what I once saw on a screen I searched aurora borealis green I've never seen someone lit from within Blurring out my periphery My smile is like I won a contest And to hide that would be so dishonest And it's fine to fake it 'til you make it 'Til you do, 'til it's true Now it's like snow at the beach Weird but fuckin' beautiful Flying in a dream, stars by the pocketful You wanting me tonight feels impossible But it's comin' down, no sound, it's all around Like snow on the beach Like snow on the beach Like snow on the beach Like snow, oh, oh oh I (I) can't (can't) speak afraid to jinx it I (I) don't (don't) even dare to wish it But your eyes are flying saucers from another planet Now I'm all for you like Janet Can this be a real thing? Can it? Are we falling like snow at the beach? (Snow at the beach) Weird but fuckin' beautiful Flying in a dream, stars by the pocketful (flying in a dream) You wanting me tonight feels impossible (you wanting me) But it's comin' down, no sound, it's all around Like snow on the beach (snow on the beach) Like snow on the beach (flying in a dream) Like snow on the beach (you wanting me) Like snow, oh But it's comin' down, no sound, it's all around Like snow on the beach (it's comin' down, it's comin' down) (It's comin' down, it's comin' down) (Like snow on the beach) (It's comin' down, it's comin' down, it's comin' down, it's comin' down) (It's comin' down, it's comin' down, it's comin' down, it's comin' down) (Comin' down, it's comin' down, it's comin' down, it's comin' down)
Obviously this was a VERY deep dive but as someone who just deep dives Taylor’s songs so much it seemed like a fun way to take this song and relate it to Colin and Penelope, so thank you if you stayed with me the whole way. Whoever picked this was definitely in their feelings after hearing it too and had to include it in this season. I thank them for their service 🫡🫶

TL;DR— Nasacort and Singulair have changed my life for the better. Thanks to this thread for those recommendations!
I just wanted to share here (since this thread has been so helpful to me) that I’ve recently found significant relief in starting two new meds— one being Nasacort, a simple OTC spray, the other being Singulair (Montelukast), a Rx drug that I was hesitant to take for years due to its Black label warning from the FDA, but which has helped me tremendously.
Y’all shared in these threads that these medications had changed your life, and I’m so grateful because that gave me the push I needed to try them. I’ve always had pretty bad seasonal allergies, but after having COVID in 2022, my allergies went completely crazy. April through September were a nightmare. I could barely function, had terrible brain fog, debilitating symptoms, had trouble working, couldn’t go outside, began experiencing allergic asthma… the whole works. Hay fever all day every day. I had sinus infections that led to terrible bronchitis. I was living on multiple Zyrtec a day (which honestly didn’t touch my symptoms), Sudafed during the day, Benadryl at night, Flonase, Ipaproprium Bromide spray and a host of supplements (Quercetin, vitamin c, stinging nettle, et.al) I tried EVERYTHING. (And I mean everything— diet, breath work, acupuncture, Ayurvedic treatments, the lot.) The majority of “alternative” / natural remedies have helped a little, but they’re more an extra support for my symptoms… they really didn’t do a whole lot for me.
Someone on here recommended Nasacort. And while it took a few weeks to kick in, when it did, a TOTAL game changer. I am free of chronic postnasal drip for maybe the first time in years?! I cannot believe it. If you haven’t tried Nasacort yet, I highly recommend it. No negative side effects. Safe for longer term use.
Upon searching these threads for how to deal with allergic asthma, I read more about Singulair. I’d always been nervous to take it because it can have bad psychological side effects, but it was nearly my last resort. My allergist told me that some folks have bad side effects, but the majority of people tolerate it well. I’m thrilled to say it’s working SO well for me. (Full disclosure: I also take Wellbutrin, an antidepressant). Singulair makes you a little sleepy, so it’s recommended you take it at night. It can give you very vivid dreams, and in my case, that’s been true. Other than that, zero side effects. My dreams are weirdly way more fun now, lol. Singulair has eliminated my allergic asthma— I can now exercise outside now during allergy season and not have to spend the next day in bed. Hallelujah!
Anyways, as a lifelong allergy sufferer / long Covid allergy mystery, I just wanted to share that these meds have helped me tremendously and I hope everyone can get what they need this allergy season!
Extra disclosure— I am very early in this journey, so no way to tell yet how much it’s helping, but I’m doing allergy immunotherapy with my allergist. I started with shots, but started reacting with major swelling at a very low dosage of the subcutaneous injection, so he has switched me to SLIT— sublingual drops. They’re European dosing guidelines, so very high quality and a high concentration serum. I’m only one month in, so I can’t say decisively how much they’re helping yet because it’s a 5 year process, but I’m hopeful my full court press against my seasonal allergies does the trick.

Some 30 years ago, my parents and I went to a restaurant near Fenway and saw a live performance of a song "One Strike Away" -- chronicling the history of the Red Sox from the Babe Ruth era thru '86 and beyond. We liked it so much that we bought the cassette they were selling, and I remember listening to it over and over.
Fastforward to 2024, I couldn't find the song anywhere, so I tried recreating it on YouTube and posting to Reddit. With a little sleuthing (including finding a cached page of a 1991 magazine mentioning the song), we figured out who the band was and how to contact them.
Last week, Walter Fay of Wet Paint Band reached out to me personally and send me .mp3 of both "One Strike Away" and another song I remembered ("Fenway Park - This Diamond Is Forever"), and even gave me the green light to create a "music video" and share the music on YouTube. So, after a lot of work to make this fun (with memes and animation no less), here it is:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzgt-jUJuj8

See the comments for links to the other YouTube video which has my keyboard recreation of the song. I remember the lyrics almost perfectly! (I did admittedly miss an entire verse, but it's possible that this was just me subconsciously blocking out the verse about the Yankees...)
Hope you enjoy the music. Huge credit to Wet Paint Band for making this awesome song, and glad I could help find and resurface it as I don't think it was anywhere on the internet. I will be making another "music video" for the other song about Fenway in a few weeks, so subscribe if interested :p
More information about the Reddit sleuthing that led us to the band:

https://www.reddit.com/Lostwave/comments/1c958aa/lost_song_one_strike_away_about_boston_red_sox/

Round 3 baby.
You know the drill this is all my opinion.(and if you don’t know the drill see the previous lists below)
First review list: https://www.reddit.com/NatureofPredators/comments/1cuzffm/spoiler_free_reviews_of_side_stories_from_a/
Second review list: https://www.reddit.com/NatureofPredators/comments/1cuzffm/spoiler_free_reviews_of_side_stories_from_a/
Venlil foster program
-All the characters are great
-Aliens actually try to understand human habits even ones they think are dangerous
-Love to get a more ‘on the ground’ perspective on venlil prime
-Partially ruined by certain pieces of character development being undone in sequel but not as bad as HE
9/10 woulda been 10/10 were it not for its god awful sequel
Nature of omnivores
-Very fun setting
-Gives a better idea of how Cilanys broadcast impacted the entire galaxy
-Characters are generally pretty reasonable and likeable
8/10 Fun story all around and archeology is cool so bonus point for that
Arxur mini series
-Kaisals appearance in the main story was big pay off for this one in particular
-Nice to get an Arxur perspective before Chief Chad Isif came along
-Characters generally make smart decisions and the action is rock solid
10/10 Would be 8/10 but Kaisals appearance in the main story WITH HIS DEVELOPMENT LARGELY INTACT really elevates this as part of the NOP mythos
Zurulians miniseries
-All the characters are great
-Did a great job showing what happened when emergency order 56 was violated
-This is Lars first appearance shame he never got into the main story
-Romantic side plot is actually decent
-I’m pretty sure the Zurulian couple appears in the main story(I forget)
9/10 Don’t got much more to say on this one other than IT GOOD
Captain Coth chapter
-The first Arxur perspective, really gives an insight into how non-defective Arxur view humans that would be greatly expanded on Kaisals story
8/10 that’s all I can say, it’s a good one shot that gave us insight into the Arxur perspective so it could be expanded on.
Tyler chapter
-Fun wholesome moments with Tyler and Nulia
-Greatly aided in characterizing Tyler
7/10 Short but sweet
Cheln chapter
-Proves anyone who says Cheln has had largely negative interactions with humans wrong
-Does a great job of showing what happened in between first contact and the setting up of the original exchange program with the venlil
-Even compared to the one shots that would come out after it, it’s writing is very simplistic(which isn’t totally a bad thing)
8/10 This chapter didn’t need to exist but it enriches the setting just a tiny bit more by doing so and it was the first bonus chapter meaning the others wouldn’t exist without it

I binged the whole series in 3 days (i work remotely and have usually nothing to do during my night shifts lmao) and Upload really got me hooked. Despite it's big flaws, it still was a fun show to watch, not sure how i didn't know about until now, the premise is something that is really up to my alley.
But yeah i thought i wanted to share some of my thoughts.
First, fuck Matteo. That guy was just such a toxic insecure ass creep.
I think the series lost some of its magic after the first season. Maybe it's just me who loves when romance is at is "edging phase". It was satisfying to see Nathan and Nora finally meeting up in real life and being a couple and acknowledging and overcoming the difficult parts that happens with long-distance partners.
I was also happy that the show did keep making fun of or showing the faults with AI and the enviroment it provides, but i still think it could've shown lot more, like the psychological aspects of it.
I loved the growth on Ingrid. It was really really slow but i think it was fitting how slow her character progression was, i'm happy that her character didn't go to full evil manipulate snob girlfriend and instead progressively got better and we saw her trying to understand herself more and through that, becoming a better person.
Loved the outgoing gag how most of the calls ended up with the other caller feeling like the call ended way too shortly for them.
I think this shows strength is in its characters, the story is fun and entertaining, but with lot of holes and weird decisions in it.
Before i get into talking or ranting about weird decisions or of the plot holes in the show (please correct me if i got something wrong or missed something), i want to say my piece about the ending when Nathan called everyone and said there's only one of him left.
I think both Nathans still exist. I know many think the backup Nathan is the one existing because when Nathan called, we could see a gray background and backup Nathan was running towards it, despite being dragged away from it in the end. I think showing Nathan with that background is just a red herring. I'd say that it was the real Nathan calling and backup Nathan is being held as a prisoner or a hostage somewhere because he might still be a valuable source of information to the big bad company.
Now, about things i'm kind of WTF about

1. I know i said i hate Matteo but i still find it weird how after he died, dude was just forgotten. Nora still had history with him and all but no mention of his death after his death scene.
   
2. Jamie being dead, or, supposedly at least. Like, they saw him the memorial stuff about Nathan and Jamie and it was just brushed off. Shouldn't that been a bigger deal? They were just like "oh, he's dead". He was Nathans best friend and Nathan with their last call did make it clear that they can still clear things between them eventually so it's weird that Nathan didn't seem to care at all.
   
3. Noras dad. First season made such a big deal about him dying and how much it affects Nora and how she has already lost her mother and all. Season 2 and 3 just forgot about him and his dying ass is probably still sitting in the woods with no proper healthcare. Nora didn't even mention him and or worry about her family and all in the season 2 and 3.
   
4. The cult/the bludds. In the end, it was just Nora, Matteo, and Ivan doing stuff. There were some cult goons with them at the body factory but yeah. The weird ass cultish priest was also just a plot thread that didn't lead to nowhere.
   
5. Ingdrid in season 3 was broke and poor but still afforded her luxurious apartment and was able to keep pay for backup Nathan to stay in Lakeview ? Wtf lol
   
6. Writers just really forgot Fran. What even was the point of her. Last we saw her, was that a car she was in drove Fran to her death and no mention after. Super weird and stupid.
   
7. WHY the FUCK was real Nathan at the courthouse in the season 3 last episode ??
   
8. Why didn't they tell Ingrid maybe not to mention that there is a backup Nathan and real live Nathan ??
   
9. The kid from season 1 was just really forgotten after making it seem like he'll be in a big minor character role lmao. I don't really mind tho, didn't care for him but still weird.
   

All in all, fun lovely show, nice balance between comedy, drama and mystery. Some really bad writing there and there but the premise is interesting enough to forgive some of it.
Will be looking forward to season 4.

hi, so last night i slept with this cute guy who was staying at the hotel i work at. we’re the same age and there was a very clear mutual attraction. he had been getting drunk at my bar pretty much every night of his stay, but that didn’t deter me. ANYWAY i go to his room at the end of my shift, we have a couple beers and vape some weed, and then he starts breaking out into a british accent and he’s having a hard time making eye contact at this point. he said he was joking and we ended up just doing oral, making out, cuddling, etc. then he starts FREAKING OUT and going into a tantrum about how his family is very devout catholic (i grew up catholic) and that they told him it was completely inappropriate to be gay- so i tried to calm him down and tell him my story of being raised catholic, and it works, and we go to sleep. he keeps JOLTING AWAKE and rambling on about all different kinds of nonsense and totally forgetting where he is- i stayed cause i wanted to make sure he was safe, and i also didn’t want to cause a fight if i tried to hurry out and potentially get written up for fraternizing with a guest. in the AM he was fine and i left. that’s when i realized he’s probably on the spectrum, but high functioning enough to travel solo 🤷‍♂️
the point of this is i have hooked up with so many guys who present as neurotypical and i just think their eccentricities are because they’re shy or socially awkward, and i’m very open and non-judgmental. but then when i think back on it, i notice a lot of the same behavior patterns in at least 5-10 of my past partners over the last decade and what should’ve raised a red flag for me is most of these guys have told me on the first or second date/hookup that they’re not autistic without my prompting. i don’t have an issue with guys on the spectrum, i’m just wondering why i don’t notice it until it gets to the point that i can’t tolerate their behaviors anymore? and then i feel like an asshole cause i know they’re probably desiring and wanting the same things that neurotypical guys want but it’s hard for me to accept the inappropriate laughter, misread social cues and other things that they do as a result of being on the spectrum after discovering that they are.
TL;DR
i keep hooking up with or dating men who present as normal at first (don’t kill me for using normal as the descriptor) but have eccentric behaviors and a majority of them have specifically told me without being asked that they aren’t autistic/on the spectrum.

Okay so I finally decided to watch S19 and went through seasons 1-6 and episode 7x01.
Here are some things I just want to share. There will be spoilers if you haven’t watched…
Also I am new to reddit so if the spoiler tags don’t work, points 2-7 are spoilers! ——————————

1. Vic is undoubtedly my favorite character. It’s like she is playful, fun, and loving but she can be serious and professional when the time comes.
   

2. Was it necessary to kill Ryan or Ripley??? I sort of made peace with Pruitt’s death.
   

3. I think I saw somewhere that Dean was killed off because of the actor or something?? Feel free to explain this to me!
   
4. I forgot what season and episode this was, but the scene when Travis woke up from a dream and screaming and Vic ran in with a bat literally had me dying cuz what???
   
5. I love the scenes where the team surrounds the person in crisis (Vic when Ripley died, Andy’s attack, etc.)
   
6. I didn’t realize how close Vic and Andy were until Vic slept over after Andy’s attack. I guess it made sense for them to get closer after Maya and Andy’s off and on friendship.
   
7. I am putting off watching the rest of Season 7 because I have already heard spoilers about Vic having a MH crisis and I’m just nervous about what happens to her character. So if anyone wants to explain what happens without spoilers (if that makes sense) feel free to do so. !<
   
8. I definitely want to know everyone’s favorite characters, scenes, or their least favorites!
   

I also want to say that I have honestly enjoyed this show from binging and I am sad to see it go. I wish I wasn’t stubborn from watching Grey’s first so that I could enjoy the show longer!

I'm so sick of people forcing their "fun" on me. It's a fuckn retreat, who cares if I don't attend the whole thing? I said I was going to go for the whole of the first day, but the teachers said that missing a portion is not acceptable and if I don't do it all then they'd just make me do it next year anyway. "We want you to build community, be in the environment" etc etc. Why why why does anyone care. Why have they set up the system so that fun kooks a certain way, and if you don't comply then there's something wrong with you.
It's way out in bumfuck nowhere and I'll have to sacrifice my weekend by getting up at the ass crack of dawn to drive out there and then not be back home until likely 8 at night, because there's no way I'm going to pitch a tent and camp out there. There's a whole mansion that we could be staying in on the property, but no, "if you're planning on staying over night be sure to bring a tent." And of course we can't use the bathrooms inside; we're only allowed to use the porta potties set up on the outskirts. "No showers available, but feel free to use the hose to wash down!" Fuck.
Fuck these fucking assholes.

As the title implies this seems like an example of a mechanic nobody really wants (or at least i dont). Its like being killed inside the pelican, it's just no fun.
I played two missions where this happened recently and wanted to highlight them and then discuss what makes this mechanic unenjoyable for me.
I played a match last night where we were working though a tough level 9 nuke mission. By the end we had mostly cleared the map and were out of all of our reinforcements. We were all at extract and called it in. This is where it got dicey, we had two bug holes open up just before the pelican started flying in. Two bile titans spawned and proceeded to walk straight through the extract Zone. We appropriately backed up and started working our way through clearing these two bug holes before we extracted. Then we went to extract and the first person boarded and it immediately flew away. All our samples gone in the wind and a sour taste in our mouths. So i had heard about this happening before but I thought there would be some sort of call out or a visual indication (maybe i missed it in all the chaos). Just felt bad but at least i know i need to be careful next time when there is too much to going on.
Second instance: I played a match earlier today, a level 7, rescue the civilians (45 min mission) on Helmire. This was the match that made me decide to write this post. Everything was going swimmingly right up until extract, we had essentially full cleared the map. We got crowded out from the extraction by the bugs and then three fire tornadoes came in which made it impossible to get to the shuttle, i had all the samples, this time we had time to drop them and i figured it was only going to take one. I stimed and made a dash for the door through the fire (my team waiting to see i got in safely), then the shuttle simply left... Yes without me, seconds before i would have been onboard. It left the whole team behind. It must have taken too much damage and there was simply nothing we could have done to get on to the shuttle. 45 minutes wasted and all the samples disappeared. Seriously WTF.
Let me say this is an un-fun mechanic and should 100% be removed. 1. No where does it state this happens. The only way to prepare is have it happen to you and upset you. Now that not initially a problem but it is a problem when it is counter intuitive too what you learned in level 1-6 as you work your way up too level 7-9(where this could happen more likely). 2. How are you supposed to know the shuttle is going to leave with only 1 person or simply just leave??? (maybe i missed a cue?). This should be so obvious it hurts, there is alot going on most of the time and this is one cue you do not want to miss.
Listen maybe i have this all wrong and this mechanic is perfectly fine, if you believe so please let me know how this mechanic aids the gameplay or atmosphere in any way and why this was the best solution?
Also side notes things i learned today while playing: You can be killed it the pelican (could have sworn you became invincible in the shuttle? Maybe this got reverted from that patch) *SUPER IMPORTANT, if you leave the pelicans range just as its flying in you can make it hover and shoot stuff and its says its waiting for hell divers to get to the exact zone before its lands (shooting everything around it, super useful in a pinch)
Tldr: the pelican leaving with only 1 person or just leaving you all behind is un-fun, un-called for and just un needed. You can die in the pelican while waiting on that last teammate to jump in. Read the super important note above for a cool trick i learned.
This game may not be for everyone but as a lvl74 i hope this game is still for me.
Thank you for reading!

“True happiness comes from the joy of deeds well done, the zest of creating things new.” Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Bio
Name: Taylor Bennett Armstrong	Date of Birth: 04/03/2024
Age: 15 years old	Gender: Demiboy
Sexual Orientation:	Nationality: Canadian
Ethnicity: Irish-Jewish	Languages: English, French, Japanese
Hometown: Toronto, Canada	Demigod Conundrums: ADHD

Family:

Name Relation Age Occupation Relationship ------------
Benjamin Armstrong Father 42 years old Artist Taylor shares a special bond with his father, Benjamin Armstrong. Despite being a single parent for much of Taylor's life, Benjamin always made sure to provide a loving and nurturing environment for his son. He recognized Taylor's unique talents from a young age and encouraged him to explore his creativity without limitations. Benjamin's own passion for art and innovation served as an inspiration for Taylor, shaping his worldview and igniting his love for invention. Benjamin supports Taylor's dreams and ambitions wholeheartedly, even if he doesn't always understand the mechanics behind his son's creations.
Eliza Armstrong Stepmother 43 years old Graphic Designer She brings a different perspective to Taylor's life. As a graphic designer, she values precision and order, which sometimes clashes with Taylor's more spontaneous and chaotic approach to creativity. However, despite their differences, Eliza cares deeply for Taylor and wants what's best for him. She worries about Taylor's safety and well-being, especially when his inventions go awry and cause unintended chaos. She often finds herself playing the role of the voice of reason, urging Taylor to think things through more carefully before diving headfirst into his next project. Despite their occasional disagreements, Eliza recognizes Taylor's potential and admires his boundless imagination and ingenuity.
Rachel Armstrong Half-sister 10 years old Student Rachel Armstrong, Taylor's half-sister, adores her older brother and looks up to him with wide-eyed admiration. From a young age, she was fascinated by Taylor's inventions and artistic talents, often trailing after him like a curious puppy, eager to learn and explore alongside him. Taylor sees Rachel as the most precious angel in the world and is very protective of her. He takes great joy in teaching her how to sketch, build, and code, fostering her own love for art and invention. Rachel, in turn, idolizes her big brother and cherishes their time together.

Appearance

Faceclaim: this Picrew Voiceclaim Walter from Spies in Disguise

Features	Description
Height	5’8 feet
Weight	157 lbs
Hair	Ginger
Eyes	Blue
Skin	Tan
Build	Lean, slim
Scent	Ink, paint, oil
Attire	Gamer Aesthetic

Overview: Ginger Hair: One of Taylor's most noticeable features is his vibrant ginger hair, which seems to have a life of its own. His locks cascade in untamed waves around his head, framing his face in a fiery halo. Despite occasional attempts to tame it, Taylor's hair always manages to retain its wild, rebellious spirit, reflecting his own untamed nature. Taylor's eyes are a mesmerizing shade of blue. They sparkle with curiosity and intelligence, constantly darting from one point of interest to the next. Across Taylor's nose and cheeks are scattered a constellation of freckles, like tiny stars dotting the canvas of his face. Despite his intelligence beyond his years, Taylor's face retains a youthful charm and innocence. His features are soft and rounded, with a hint of boyish mischief lurking behind his bright smile. There is a sense of wonder and curiosity in his expression, as if he is forever on the brink of discovering something new and exciting. Taylor's fashion sense is a reflection of his personality, blending comfort with a hint of geeky flair. He favors graphic t-shirts adorned with characters from his favorite video games, showcasing his love for gaming and pop culture. His hoodies are oversized and well-worn, providing both warmth and a sense of familiarity. Taylor's cargo pants are practical and utilitarian, offering plenty of pockets to store his tools and gadgets for tinkering. His sneakers are his constant companions, scuffed and worn from countless adventures and late-night gaming marathons.

Personality

“Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.” Dorothy Parker
Quality Traits Positive Optimistic, Creative, Kind-hearted, Spontaneous, Resilient Neutral Naive, Chaotic, Impulsive, Eccentric, Idealistic Negative Gullible, Overbearing, Impatient, Inattentive, Stubborn
Overview: Taylor radiates an infectious positivity that lights up any room he enters. He greets each day with boundless enthusiasm, seeing every challenge as an opportunity for adventure and growth. His optimism is unwavering, even in the face of adversity, and he has a knack for finding the silver lining in the darkest of situations. Taylor's sunny disposition makes him a joy to be around, and his genuine smile can brighten even the gloomiest of days. Taylor marches to the beat of his own drum, embracing his individuality with gusto. He has never been one to conform to societal norms or expectations, preferring to chart his own course through life. Taylor's free-spirited nature is reflected in everything he does, from his spontaneous inventions to his unconventional approach to problem-solving. He thrives on the freedom to express himself creatively, unbound by rules or conventions. Taylor's energy is boundless, and he approaches everything he does with an infectious sense of excitement and wonder. He is easily captivated by new ideas and experiences, often bouncing from one project to the next with the fervor of a child in a candy store. Taylor's excitable nature fuels his insatiable curiosity, driving him to constantly seek out new challenges and adventures. Despite his youthful exuberance, Taylor possesses a keen intellect far beyond his years. He is a natural problem-solver, able to think outside the box and come up with innovative solutions to even the most daunting of challenges. Taylor's mind is a whirlwind of ideas and possibilities, constantly buzzing with new inventions and artistic endeavors. His creativity knows no bounds, and he revels in the thrill of bringing his imagination to life. Taylor's intelligence and creativity have instilled in him a healthy dose of confidence, bordering on cockiness at times. He knows his worth and isn't afraid to show it, often speaking his mind with a brashness that can catch others off guard. However, Taylor's confidence is tempered by his humility and genuine humility. He is quick to acknowledge his mistakes and learn from them, never allowing his ego to overshadow his humanity. At the core of Taylor's personality is a deep well of kindness and empathy for others. He genuinely cares about the people around him and goes out of his way to help those in need. Taylor's compassion knows no bounds, and he often puts the needs of others before his own. He is quick to offer a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on, and his unwavering support has endeared him to many. Beneath Taylor's cheerful exterior lies a vulnerability that he often tries to conceal. He is sensitive to the opinions of others and fears being rejected or misunderstood. Taylor's insecurities stem from a desire to be accepted and valued for who he truly is, flaws and all. Despite his outward confidence, he struggles with feelings of loneliness and self-doubt, yearning for genuine connections and validation. Taylor's drive for excellence can sometimes border on perfectionism, leading him to be overly critical of himself and his work. He sets high standards for himself and is often disappointed when he falls short of his own expectations. However, Taylor's perfectionism is tempered by his resilience and determination to persevere in the face of failure. He sees each setback as an opportunity to learn and grow, refusing to let obstacles dampen his spirit. Taylor has a gift for communication, able to express his thoughts and feelings with clarity and sincerity. He is a natural storyteller, captivating audiences with his animated anecdotes and infectious enthusiasm. Taylor's ability to connect with others on a deep emotional level makes him a trusted confidant and valued friend. He listens intently to others, offering words of encouragement and wisdom when needed. Taylor approaches life with a sense of adventure, always eager to explore new horizons and push the boundaries of what is possible. He thrives on the thrill of discovery, relishing in the excitement of unknown possibilities. Taylor's insatiable curiosity drives him to seek out new experiences and embrace the unknown with open arms. Whether embarking on a daring quest or simply trying out a new recipe, he approaches each adventure with the same sense of wonder and excitement. Taylor has a playful sense of humor that often borders on mischievousness. He loves to joke and laugh, finding joy in the absurdities of life. Taylor's playful nature brings levity to even the most serious of situations, helping to ease tension and lift spirits. He delights in pulling harmless pranks and sharing witty banter with friends, always with a twinkle in his eye and a grin on his face. Taylor is incredibly adaptable, able to thrive in any environment or situation. He approaches change with a sense of curiosity and excitement, eager to embrace new challenges and opportunities. Taylor's ability to adapt to different circumstances has served him well throughout his life, allowing him to navigate the complexities of both the mortal world and the realm of the gods with ease.
Preferences
Favourite... Item Food Macaroni and cheese, mango milkshake Colour Electric Blue Season Summer Weather Sunny, warm, clear skies Music Pop, rock, orchestral, jazz, celtic Animals Bunnies and Cats Book/Movie Genre Fantasy, Sci-fi, Romance, Slice-of-life, Adventure, Action Media Avatar: The Last Airbender, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Chronicles of Narnia, Kingdom Hearts, Legend of Zelda, Genshin Impact, Honkai Impact 3rd, Honkai: Star Rail, Pokémon, a scary amount of anime, etc…
Hobbies:

• Drawing
• Painting
• Crafting
• Sewing
• Video Games
• Cosplay

Demigod Info

Powers

Name	Type	Description
Psychometry	Domain	The ability to glean information from a particular object relevant to the parent's domain, especially its material make-up and method of creation. (Crafts, Mechanics and Art)
Enhanced Skill Proficiency	Domain	A trait where one is naturally adept in the skills lorded over by their parent. (Crafts, Mechanics and Art)
Summon Tool	Domain	The ability to summon any small tool. (Once every 5 minutes or per turn.) (Duct Tape or Superglue)
Machine Communication	Minor	A trait where one is able to understand and communicate with automatons and machinery (includes code).
Electrical Resistance	Minor	A trait where one is able to resist electricity to a such degree that they are able to withstand badly interacting with small appliances.
Machine Manipulation (Technokinesis)	Minor	The ability to directly control mechanisms, machines and automatons.
Basic Enchantment	Major	The ability to imbue weapons, crafts, machinery and automatons with magical properties (modmail for specific enchantments). Options: Weapon Transformation—into a mundane item; Monster Hunting Proficiency for a) Fleshy Monsters—Sharpness, b) Armored Monsters—Bludgeoning, c) Ghosty Monsters—Absorption

Weapon of Choice: Bastard Sword
Fatal Flaw: Naivety Taylor's fatal flaw lies in his inherent naivety, stemming from his trusting and optimistic nature. Despite his intelligence and creativity, Taylor often lacks the worldly wisdom and discernment needed to navigate the complexities of the world around him. His naivety makes him vulnerable to manipulation and deception, as he struggles to see the darker intentions lurking behind the smiles of others.

Items and Equipment

Name	Age	Description
Sketchbook	7 years old	Taylor always carries a sketchbook with him, filled with doodles, sketches, and designs inspired by his vivid imagination.
Art Supplies	3 years old	As someone who enjoys art, Taylor keeps a collection of art supplies like pencils, markers, and colored pencils, allowing him to bring his creative visions to life wherever he goes.
Tool Kit	5 years old	As a budding inventor and tinkerer, Taylor carries a compact tool kit with him at all times. It contains essential tools like screwdrivers, pliers, wrenches, and a mini soldering iron, allowing him to repair gadgets, fix mechanical issues, and work on DIY projects on the fly.
Nintendo Switch	2 years old	Taylor never leaves home without Nintendo Switch. He keeps a selection of his favorite games in his backpack, ready to play whenever he has a spare moment to indulge in his love of gaming.
Music Player	3 years old	Music is a constant source of inspiration and motivation for Taylor, so he always carries a portable music player loaded with his favorite tunes.
Cat Headphones	1 year old	High-quality headphones that allow him to escape into his own world of music whenever he needs a break from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. They are cat-themed for no reason other than Taylor felt like it.

Trivia

• Zodiac Sign: Pisces
• MBTI: ESTP-T (The Entrepreneur)
• Enneagram: Type 7 (The Enthusiast)
• Love Languages: Words of Affirmation (receive); Acts of service (give)
• Quirk: Doodling on almost every surface he sees when bored.
• Fears: Hurting People, Big Animals

Backstory

“There is no innovation and creativity without failure.” ***Brené Brown*
Taylor Bennett Armstrong was born into a creatively vibrant family. His father, Benjamin Armstrong, was a dedicated artist who often spent hours in his studio, painting and sculpting. Benjamin's work was deeply inspired by classical art, and his studio was filled with references to mythological themes and ancient techniques. This environment planted the seeds of creativity in Taylor from a very young age.
Taylor’s biological mother was Techne, the goddess of art, craft, and invention, but he had no knowledge of her divine heritage. His mother left shortly after his birth, leaving Benjamin to raise Taylor on his own. Despite the absence of his mother, Taylor's early childhood was filled with love and encouragement from his father.
When Taylor was five, Benjamin met Eliza, a talented graphic designer, at an art exhibit. They quickly bonded over their shared love for art and soon married. Eliza embraced Taylor as her own, though she struggled to understand his unique, often chaotic way of thinking and creating.
Even as a young child, Taylor showed remarkable intelligence and creativity. By the age of six, he was building simple machines and drawing intricate designs. His father was both amazed and slightly concerned when Taylor began to take apart household appliances to understand how they worked. While Benjamin encouraged his son's curiosity, Eliza worried about the constant mess and occasional accidents that resulted from Taylor's experiments.
Taylor’s half-sister, Rachel, was born when he was five. She looked up to her big brother with admiration, often following him around and watching as he created his various inventions. Despite the occasional mishap, Taylor and Rachel shared a close bond, with Taylor frequently making small toys and gadgets to entertain her.
School was both a blessing and a curse for Taylor. His intelligence allowed him to excel academically, but his unique way of thinking and his constant tinkering often got him into trouble. Teachers labeled him a "problem child" due to his inability to sit still and follow conventional methods. Taylor's inventions occasionally caused disruptions, further cementing his reputation.
Socially, Taylor found it hard to connect with his peers. His enthusiasm and intelligence often intimidated other children, and he was frequently taken advantage of by classmates who used him to boost their own grades. These experiences left Taylor feeling lonely and self-conscious about his naivety, although he never let it dampen his cheerful spirit.
Taylor's life took a dramatic turn when he was 15 years old. One day, while working on a particularly ambitious project in his makeshift workshop, he was visited by Oleander, a satyr sent by Camp Half-Blood. Oleander had been observing Taylor for some time, noting his extraordinary abilities and his connection to the divine.
Oleander revealed to Taylor the truth about his mother, Techne, and his demigod heritage. At first, Taylor was skeptical, thinking it was some sort of elaborate joke or fantasy. However, Oleander's ability to demonstrate his satyr powers and his deep knowledge of Taylor's unexplained talents eventually convinced him.
Explaining the situation to his family was a challenge. Benjamin, who had always suspected that there was something special about Taylor, took the news in stride. Eliza, though worried and confused, ultimately supported the decision, understanding that Camp Half-Blood could provide Taylor with the guidance he needed. Rachel was both excited and scared for her brother, worried about the dangers he might face and she would miss him.
Thankfully, despite the huge distance he and Oleander had to travel from Toronto to Long Island went calmly, for the most part, with not many delays or monsters attacking them.
Well, at least until they reached New York. After that, the whole “calm journey” was out the window. It almost seemed like all the monsters decided to wait until they were close to their destination to suddenly appear one after the other. First they had to somehow avoid a cyclops. Then they were attacked by dracanaea. And finally, they were chased by harpies until they crossed the border of Camp Half-Blood.
By some miracle, they were still alive.
What a way to be introduced to demigod life.

Present Day

“Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun” Mary Lou Cook
Taylor's arrival at Campbell Half-Blood was… something, alright.
You know, being chased by monsters from New York to Long Island, passing out in between attacks and then waking up in the Medic Cabin feeling like you've been hit by a truck and maimed by a cat at the same time was, in short, not fun. It also didn't help the fact that he had to stay in bed to get treated for what, hours. Which, for someone like Taylor, was absolute torture. Good for him then that demigods, apparently, had magic healing and he didn't have to stay for days instead. At least Oleander was around to explain every detail about the world he's been thrust into now that he was out of danger. And as a plus, he was also claimed, so yay! He had no clue who Techne was, but he was sure he would learn soon enough.
So, what does Taylor do after getting patched up? Does he wait and rest for a bit just to make sure everything is okay with him? Does he stop for a moment to process everything that has happened to him in the last 24 hours?
No! Of course not! This is Taylor, after all. Him staying put for more than 10 minutes would be a miracle already.
Instead, he just went off on his own to see what this Camp Half-Blood was all about. He just had to get to his cabin first, which would be relatively easy with Oleander's instructions, and then he could explore this place to his heart's content!
Hopefully, Camp Half-Blood would be ready for the chaotic force Taylor would prove to be.
[OOC: Hello, everyone! Say hello to my new character, Taylor! Feel free to interact with him literally anywhere at Camp, he's probably going to be there at some point anyway lmao. Thanks for reading;)]

Contest Rules For Best Song Of The Month • Updated May 19th, 2024

Click here to see summary of changes.

Best Song Of The Month Contest

Music Or Lose It hosts a monthly Best Song Of The Month contest at this musicorloseittv subreddit community. There is no cash or monetary value prize at this time. This contest is simply just for fun. Winners earn the enjoyment of being voted the best. Winners may cite the win in their biographies and social media posts.
The moderator (mod) is available to help music creators with the entry process, eligibility requirements, and deadlines. Music creators are allowed to contact the mod to ask questions about the contest anytime and mod will reply as soon as possible.
Definitions
Music creator: refers to a solo creator, band, group, choir, orchestra, or duo.
Brand identity: refers to how a creator presents themselves as an entertainer making music for the general public. For example, Simon & Garfunkel as a duo is one brand identity. Paul Simon solo is another brand identity.

Process & Deadlines

🟡 Round 1
1) Discovery ◦ Each month, moderator keeps track of songs shared at this musicorloseittv community.
2) Notifying Music Creators ◦ When a likely eligible song is seen, the u/musicorloseittv profile or u/themusicfanman profile will notify the music creator of likely eligibility within the qualifying song’s post. The reply will indicate, “⏳ This song appears eligible for the Best Song Of The Month contest. Please provide the following information…” If the song is confirmed to be eligible by a mod, the mod will make a reply “🟨 This is confirmation notifying you that this song is eligible and in consideration for the Best Song Of The Month contest…” within the qualifying song’s post.
3) Determining Contestants ◦ The Music Fan man will evaluate all eligible songs by the month’s eligibility deadline. He will then at his discretion choose up to 5 songs to compete.
3) Finalists Post ◦ At this musicorloseittv community, the musicorloseittv profile will announce the top finalists (up to 5) in a post tiled “Contest: Best Song Of The Month Finalists (Insert Month & Year).” This announcement will be done in a post made 4 days before the final day of the month. The post will be made sometime in the morning. The songs will be listed within the post in a manner most representative of music diversity as determined by the musicorloseittv profile mod. All songs available on YouTube will be included in a playlist titled “Best Song Of The Month Contestants • (Insert Month & Year)” hosted by the musicorloseittv channel on YouTube. Songs not available on YouTube will be excluded from the playlist. The playlist will be mentioned in this post. The available playlist will help voters get familiar with the songs.
The u/musicorloseittv profile or u/themusicfanman profile will notify the music creators of qualifying for the contest in their post of the song. The reply will indicate, “✅ Congratulations. Your song qualifies for the Best Song Of The Month contest…”
4) Voting ◦ The “Contest: Best Song Of The Month Finalists (Insert Month & Year)” post will specify a duration of 3 consecutive dates during which music fans can vote for only 1 of the top finalists. Voting occurs by the voters making a reply to the post in the following manner: “🗳️ I vote for….” Failing to vote in this manner will result in vote not being counted. To best ensure vote accuracy, voters must not use the “🗳️” emoji anywhere else in the post’s comments section. Music creators may vote for another music creator yet may not vote for themselves. For music creators, it’s “word of honor” voting. The top vote earning song within these three days will become the winner.
‣ Community moderator profiles musicorloseittv and onesongoftheday will abstain from voting. Also, themusicfanman and any special judge involved will also abstain from voting - unless they’re needed to serve as a tie breaker, in the event of a tie preventing a clear winner. If themusicfanman and any special judge involved are needed as a tie breaker, they must come to a consensus to achieve tie breaking. If no special judge is involved, then themusicfanman alone will serve as the tie breaker.
🟢 Winner Declaration!
Declaration Post ◦ At this musicorloseittv community, on the final day of the month, the musicorloseittv profile will announce the winner in a post tiled “Congratulations! 🎉 Best Song Of The Month Winner (Insert Month & Year)” in a post dedicated to celebrating the song. Using the sticky-post feature, the post will be prominently displayed the home page of the musicorloseittv subreddit community for ≈ 24 hours.
Achievement ◦ The contest winner may promote their song as:
My song “Song Title” won:
🏅Best Song Of The Month By Community Vote
(Insert Month & Year)
At The Music Or Lose It Community
The winner may promote themselves and the song as the winner at venues like X/Twitter, Facebook, Threads, or their YouTube channel’s Community feed. The winner may also cite the win in their biographies online including their personal website.
🏆 Song Of The Year
A similar Song Of The Year vote will occur in December. It will be similarly organized and scheduled to conclude on the final day of the year. To determine a Song Of The Year by the end of the year, December’s monthly contest will only be ≈ 2 weeks. Why? Because we need time to conclude The Song Of The Year vote by the end of the year. Additionally, this is a busy time of year for many people. What’s more, non-Christmas music released in December is typically overshadowed by Christmas music. It seems to be a bad idea to release new-original music in late December. See opinion commentary: The Best And Worst Months To Release Music.
Achievement ◦ The contest winner may promote their song as:
🏆 Best Song Of The Year By Community Vote
(Insert Year)
At The Music Or Lose It Community
The winner may promote themselves and the song as the winner at venues like X/Twitter, Facebook, Threads, or their YouTube channel’s Community feed. The winner may also cite the win in their biographies online including their personal website.

Eligibility

Here are the rules for the Best Song Of The Month contest organized by Music Or Lose It just for fun. The eligibility rules are intended to make this contest as fair as possible to the music creator participants.
**👤 Personal: **
Requirements:
✔️ Must be an actual human.
✔️ Must be 17 years of age or older.
✔️ Must be a music creator abiding by the rules of this musicorloseittv subreddit community.
✔️ Must be a music creator posting using either your personal profile or your brand profile as a music entertainer.
Ineligible:
🚫 Profiles run by publicists, music labels, or channels hosting performers.
🚫 People posing as other humans using imitation avatar type creations by artificial intelligence (AI).
**🗿 Music creator’s stature status: **
Eligible:
✔️ Unsigned amateur or unsigned professional yet lesser known.
✔️ Lesser known music creators who have not yet achieved two different songs with over 500,000 views/listens and are signed to deals with small to medium-sized record companies or seeming one-song-per-time type distributors.
✔️ Lesser known music creators who have not yet achieved two different songs with over 500,000 views/listens and are signed to deals with to a major label.
**📅 Release date: **
Eligible:
✔️ Your song must be published and accessible to the masses anytime between November 15^th of the prior year and 5 days before the final day of the current month.
**💽 Songwriting, singing, & recording: **
Requirements:
✔️ You must be the copyright owner of the song (lyrics and sound recording) or authorized/licensed to perform the song by the copyright owner as the first original performer.
✔️ An exception is made if your song is an authorized/licensed remix or includes authorized/licensed interpolation or sampling content by the copyright owner in collaboration with any other amateur music creator(s) or unsigned professional yet lesser known music creator(s). The aforementioned release date also applies to any remix, interpolation, or sampling content.
✔️ Collaborations within the aforementioned rules are allowed so long as the song is entered into the contest by the lead. Lead refers to the first person named in the collaboration.
Ineligible:
🚫 Copyright/trademark violations.
🚫 Songs written by artificial intelligence (AI).
🚫 Songs primarily generated artificial intelligence (AI).
🚫 Cover, parody, nor artificial intelligence (AI) imitation.
🚫 Songs likely to be very divisive for political or religious/anti-religious reasons.
🚫 Collaborations within deceased music creators akin to “Unforgettable” by Natalie Cole featuring Nat "King" Cole.
🚫 Interpolations, remixes, or samplings of a song by a creator signed to a record company of any size or signed to a one-song-per-time type distributor.
🚫 Song with hard cussing. No variations of F word, S word, C word, D word, N word (er or a), ahole word(s), or sexually vulgar words.
🚫 Extremely sexual, gang promoting, violent, or especially scary/gory/maleficent/evil aesthetic content.
🚫 Songs primarily about brands. For example: “I Love Driving Such-And-Such Brand Name Trucks.”
**👂 Recording quality: **
Allowed:
✔️ Professional quality recordings (live or studio).
✔️ Amateur quality (including songs record in a bedroom, car, outdoors, etc…) yet reasonably pleasant sounding.
✔️ Demos are welcome.
Ineligible:
🚫 Live records with too much interfering audience noise.
🚫 Recordings with excessively poor sound quality (abrasive on the ears, difficult to hear).
**📏 Song length: **
Requirement:
✔️ Minimum of 01:15 minutes up to 10:00 minutes.
**💻 Distribution venues: **
Requirements:
✔️ A song published and accessible to the general public masses at a well-known music website such as YouTube, SoundCloud, or Bandcamp.
✔️ A song uploaded to a channel hosting live performances is allowed so long as the song is entered into the contest directly by the creator and so long as the creator confirms permission by the channel. Confirmation can be done in either your original upload URL link source or at this community within your posts’ body-text section or a reply to the post.
✔️ The song’s upload date must be visible at the distribution venue website.
⚠️ If you enter this contest with a Spotify or TikTok URL link, ensure you’ve provided a link for the entire song (not a teasesampler) in a manner that does not require login; ensure the publish date is visible; and be weary of looping flashing visuals necessitating a “⚠️Possible Seizure Trigger Risk Warning.” Failing to do this will result in ineligibility.
Ineligible:
🚫 Login required to access the song.
🚫 Payment required to access the song.
🚫 Uploads of songs directly to Reddit.
🚫 Links not fully available to the public such as an “unlisted” YouTube video.
**🖼️ Song’s artwork: **
Definition: artwork refers to the image/drawing/photo/visuals accompanying your individual song at a music distribution venue such as YouTube, SoundCloud, or Bandcamp. It is sometimes referred to as “cover art.”
Requirements:
✔️ You must be the original creator of the song’s accompanying artwork.
✔️ Alternatively, you must be the copyright owner of the artwork if you paid to have it made. Otherwise you must be authorized/licensed to publish the artwork as part of the presentation of your song.
✔️ Artwork primarily generated by artificial intelligence (AI) is allowed so long as you are authorized/licensed by the AI source to publish the artwork as part of your song’s public presentation. However this is advised against because public sentiment may be hostile towards AI generated content.
✔️ If your song’s artwork uses aspects of copyrighted, creative commons, or “free” material content, you must confirm you’ve got authorization/licensing to use the content as part of your song’s public presentation. Confirmation can be done in either your original upload URL link source or at this community within your posts’ body-text section or a reply to the post.
✔️ Your own logo that you own the copyright to may be displayed in the song’s accompanying artwork (including on a person wearing a hat or T-shirt).
Ineligible:
🚫 Copyright/trademark violations.
🚫 Parody notably displayed in the artwork.
🚫 Visible logos of any brand other than your own logo as a music entertainer.
🚫 Extremely sexual, gang promoting, violent, or especially scary/gory/maleficent/evil aesthetic content.
**🎥 Song’s music video (optional): **
Including a link to a music video is optional.
Requirements:
✔️ You must be the original creator of the song’s music video visuals including: animation; moving graphics; prominently featured still artwork or photos.
✔️ Alternatively, you must be the copyright owner of all the video’s visuals if you paid to have them made. Otherwise you must be authorized/licensed to publish all the video’s visuals as part of the presentation of your song’s accompanying music video.
✔️ Visuals (including: animation; moving graphics; prominently featured still artwork or photos) primarily generated by artificial intelligence (AI) are allowed so long as you are authorized/licensed by the AI source to publish the artwork as part of your song’s public presentation. However this is advised against because public sentiment may be hostile towards AI generated content.
✔️ If your song’s accompanying music video uses aspects of copyrighted, creative commons or “free” material, you must confirm you’ve got authorization/licensing to use the copyrighted material as part of your song’s public presentation within the accompanying music video. Confirmation can be done in either your original upload URL link source or at this community within your posts’ body-text section or a reply to the post.
✔️ Your own logo that you own the copyright to may be displayed in the video (including on a person wearing a hat or T-shirt).
✔️ Allowed music videos include “Official Music Video,” “Live Performance,” “Dance Video Version,” “Animated Video,” or “Lyrics Video.”
✔️ If you opt for an “Animated Video” or a “Lyrics Video,” you must be authorized/licensed to publish all the video’s visuals as part of the presentation of your song’s accompanying music video. If you hire an animator or use AI or an app/software designed to create music video lyrics, you must be authorized/licensed by the animator or AI source or app/software creator to publish the animation and/or lyrics as part of the presentation of your song’s accompanying music video.
✔️ If you opt for a “Dance Video Version,” the dancing and/or choreography must be originally created for your song’s accompanying music video. If you hire a choreographer and/or dancers or collaborate for free or for barter, you must be authorized/licensed by the choreographer and/or dancers to publish the video’s dancing/choreography visuals as part of the presentation of your song’s accompanying music video.
✔️ “Official Audio” type music videos are allowed so long as an accompanying still image complies with the aforementioned “Song’s artwork” rules. Alternatively, if the “Official Audio” music videos has moving visuals, it must comply with these above-mentioned “Song’s music video” rules.
✔️ “Live Performance” music videos may be made from your home/cafield (pretty much anywhere decent and reasonable) or from one of your well-recorded performances from a show. Be sure to avoid copyright and trademark violations in the video.
⚠️ Brief uses of music distribution venue logos at the end or start of a music video may be allowed at mod’s discretion, when the intent is to inform the viewer of venue availability of the song. This is however discouraged unless the distribution venue, at their website, specifies this is allowed. Music videos that display any trademark logos (other than the music creator’s own copyrighted logo) entirely throughout are ineligible.
Ineligible:
🚫 Copyright/trademark violations.
🚫 Notable use of virtual reality program recordings.
🚫 Notable use of filters from apps/websites similar to Snapchat.
🚫 Parody of intellectual property characters prominently displayed in the video.
🚫 Notably visible logos of any brand other than your own logo as a music entertainer.
🚫 Notable display of brand products with visible logos including but not limited to toys, stuffed animals, autos, hats, T-Shirts.
🚫 Extremely sexual, gang promoting, violent, or especially scary/gory/maleficent/evil aesthetic content.
🚫 Limitations on involving minors (under 18 yo): no minors doing dangerous stunts; no depictions of minors participating in drugs/drinking/smoking or very sexual behavior (including sexual dancing); do not prominently feature children that are not your own in the video (exception may be made if a relative only allows you to involve their children).
⚖️ Quantities:
Requirements:
✔️ One song per music creator’s brand identity.
✔️ If a music creator uploads more than one of their brands’ potentially eligible songs, the music creator must inform mod which song they prefer to be included in the contest.
✔️ A music creator may win this Song Of The Month contest up to three consecutive times. If this happens, thereafter the creator must abstain from the contest for the next month and then may return to the contest after that 1-month eligibility hiatus.
Ineligible:
🚫 Every collaboration will not automatically be considered a new brand. For example, Robert Plant and Alison Krauss collaborating one time should not be considered a brand. Robert Plant & Alison Krauss making an entire album together should be considered a brand. Music creators attempting to enter multiple songs under multiple brand names will be scrutinized. If there is no social media presence for any additional brands, their songs will likely be rejected as “also eligible” by mods. If this happens, the music creator will have to enter only 1 song.
**🖱️ Accounts you may post from: **
Requirements:
✔️ Your post must be made directly from either your personal Reddit account profile or your brand’s Reddit account profile.
✔️ If you have a medical condition necessitating aid, on your behalf, you may appoint a publicist, manager, caretaker, helper, spouse, partner, friend, guardian, or family member to post from either your personal Reddit account profile or your brand’s Reddit account profile.
✔️ If your song is from a band, group, choir, orchestra, or duo brand, the post must be made directly from either from one of the members’ personal Reddit account profiles or from your brand’s Reddit account profile.
✔️ If your song is collaboration, the post must be made directly from either the lead’s personal Reddit account profile or from the lead’s brand Reddit account profile.
✔️ If you want another song to be a part of the contest from another brand identity you are involved with, the song must be posted by a Reddit account profile for that separate brand – or one of the brand collaborators’ personal Reddit account profile.
👩🏾‍🏫 Presentation at this musicorloseittv community:
Requirements:
✔️ You must post a link to the song at this musicorloseittv community by tapping “+” on smartphone or clicking “+Create a post” on desktop/laptop. You must select the “My Song” flair.
✔️ Your post must be done by the “Title & Link Share Only method.”
✔️ The song’s URL you provide must be of the standalone song upload - not part of a playlist URL link.
✔️ You may post an audio only upload URL link (such as an individual song published at SoundCloud or Bandcamp). Alternatively, you may post a music video link from a venue like YouTube.
✔️ You may include a smartlink for the individual song (not album or playlist) within your posts’ body-text section or a reply to the post.
✔️ You may title the post whatever you want within the community’s rules and the contest’s rules. Remember: no vague titles; limit post title emojis to no more than 2 (if you decide to use them); and don’t request feedback.
✔️ Your post title may be done in the style of “Entertainer - Song Tile” (or something similar). Alternatively, the post title may be more elaborate. For example: “This Is My Latest Song. It’s About A Wonderful Time I Fell In Love.”
✔️ In your posts’ body-text section or in a reply comment, optionally you may share details about the song that you feel the audience would enjoy knowing.
**📝 Needed information: **
Requirements:
✔️ Within either your posts’ body-text section or within a reply comment at your post, provide the following information – as is:
❇️ Contest entry for your consideration:
• Entertainer's Name - Song Title:
• Published on: [Insert date & year. Refers to date published at your URL link source]
• Genre:
• I am an independent creator unsigned I am signed to [insert label name]
• Interpolations/remixes/samplings disclosure: N/A this song contains authorized/licensed interpolations/remixes/samplings [specify] of another song released since 11/15 of the prior year in collaboration with other unsigned music creator(s)[specify]. The link to the original song is [insert URL link – publish date from URL link source must be visible].
• Al disclosure: N/A. A portion of this [song/artwork/music video] is created by Al. Explanation: [specify if this applies to song/artwork/music video].
• Copyright disclosure for song: I confirm I’m the copyright owner of all the contents of this song (lyrics and recording) as it is presented including the artwork [(if applicable) and music video]
Copyrighted content I am authorized/licensed to use commercially in the promotion of my song include: [insert details]
• [optional/voluntary] Confirmation of substantial human involvement: A real human substantially arranged/compose this music. [Note: This type disclosure is strongly encouraged by creators who use instrument sounds and beats from apps/software in substation of instruments played live at the time of recording. This is especially encouraged for music creators who do not show their face and/or don’t show themselves creating the music in a music video or behind the scenes video. For music fans opposed to music primarily created by AI, this type of disclosure can be helpful and assuring.]
• Lyrics: [insert URL link or embed URL link into “Lyrics” text] [note if the lyrics are available at the upload source] [only if you're the copyright owner of the lyrics, you may entirely include them] [type “vocalized” or “instrumental” if applicable]
Ineligible:
🚫 Uploads of songs to Reddit.
🚫 No engagement pleas disguised as feedback requests in post titles nor in your posts’ body-text section. No feedback requests.
**👨🏼‍⚖️ Copyright/trademark compliance: **
‣ Important note: Aforementioned rules already state you either must be the copyright owner of the content you enter for this contest or you must be authorized/licensed to commercially use the content by the copyright owner. Aforementioned rules already state you must disclose use of copyrighted, creative commons, or “free” material. Mods reserve the right to ask for additional proof for confirmation. Suspected violations will be removed at mod’s discretion. You are strongly encouraged to upload your best, newest, utmost original content.
‣ Resources:
U.S. Copyright Office, Copyright in General https://www.copyright.gov/help/faq/faq-general.html
What Musicians Should Know about Copyright by U.S. Copyright Office https://www.copyright.gov/engage/musicians
U.S. Copyright Office Fair Use Index by U.S. Copyright Office https://www.copyright.gov/fair-use
**🤝 Mutual Support **
Requirements:
✔️ You must be active in the musicorloseittv community regarding mutual support and engagement with other posts. You must post a comment reply to at least two other posts of any kind at the musicorloseittv community before the final day of the month. Failing to do so will result in disqualification.
Ineligible:
🚫 Posting then ghosting the community.
**😎👍 Encouraging fans to vote: **
Ineligible:
🚫 You are not allowed to ask for votes in anywhere in the musicorloseittv community’s comments section.
🚫 Music creators may not offer anything to anyone whatsoever in exchange for voting for them.
Allowed:
✔️ If you see a music fan has voted for you, you may thank them in a reply comment.
✔️ You may make social media posts at venues like X/Twitter, Facebook, Threads or your YouTube channel’s Community feed to encourage your fans to join this musicorloseittv subreddit community and vote for your song.
Example post:
My song “Song Title” is a finalist for Best Song Of The Month at the musicorloseittv community at Reddit. At [insert URL link] please vote for me and my song. Thank you.
**📜 Rules adherence: **
‣ Important note: If you are new to the musicorloseittv community as either a music fan voting or music creator entering the contest, latitude may be given as you get familiar here. It’s up to mod’s discretion.
‣ Important note: This contest is just for fun. Likewise playing boardgames or cards with friends is also just for fun yet people expect rules to be followed.
**🕊️ Truthfulness: **
Requirements:
✔️ Contestants and voters are expected to behave honorably and ethically.
Ineligible:
🚫 If anyone is ever discovered cheating or being dishonest akin to author James Frey or music entertainers Milli Vanilli, they will be disqualified and also likely be banned from this community.
Additional Info
If you do not want to be in the contest yet want to continue sharing your songs in this community, it is totally ok. Please inform the moderator. A “Message the mods” option is at the homepage.
In circumstances where uncertainty arises due to an unforeseen issue not addressed here in this outline of rules, moderators reserve the right to approve or disapprove eligibility. Moderators reserve the right to disqualify any song for any reason. Unfortunately, not every contest can perfectly satisfy all participant hopefuls.
Just do your best, don’t take it too seriously, and have fun.
Thank you.
END

I (31f) met my ex (27M) 3 years ago on bumble and at the time I was renting with roommates. I was making 110k a year and saving for my first home. I was hot, single, flirty and rich af. I didn’t expect to fall in love with my ex because he wasn’t my type and I hadn’t been in love with anyone since 2015. I wish I could say the relationship was wonderful but if I’m honest he lacked intention for a future, lied and cheated. We broke up twice and the last time things ended is when I realized his intentions with me. During a serious conversation about us, I asked him “what are we” and his response “You are the person I can call when I want to do something”, romantically he said his affections never meant anything. When we got back together he started making up for old times by doing all the things he didn’t do before. One of those things included introducing me to people that are important to him. So he introduced me to the girl he was hooking up with as, “just a friend”. He claimed this girl was just his dog sitter yet was getting the key to his apartment. When he did that I hit him and of course yelled that he was a pu$$y. For anyone reading this, he did this and still expected that I step in front of his mother as his girlfriend. He caused a lot of confusion and I never knew what I meant to him until the end. He did a lot of nasty things and I allowed a lot of those behaviors for nearly a year because I was crazy about him. I had this image of us and our relationship in the beginning and held on to it for a long time. Everything he’s done in the past was a shock and has caused a lot of trauma for me to this day. I still compare myself to those girls. I still remember everything.
I feel like he should be in my shoes. I am currently starting over in life. I am making new friends, own a shit car and 100k+ in debt with bad credit as a result of depression, anxiety and poor decisions. My relationship with family is null bc they are all alcoholics. There are men that I can see falling for me but my heart isn’t open and I’m still not ready.
How does anyone recover and find themselves again?

I (f19) and my ex boyfriend (m19) dated for about 2 years. Throughout our whole relationship there was always some issues, like all relationships have, but as time went on there would be times when everything was amazing, and then there would be periods on time when it seemed like everything I did upset him and I was always doing something wrong. He always had a lot of trust issues with me, even though I never gave him any reason to not trust me, he just was never able to fully trust that I wasn’t cheating on him, wasn’t looking for another guy, wasn’t thinking about how much hotter other men were, things like that. Anytime I went to work he asked about every conversation I had with another male and what every little thing we talked about was. He basically could be the only male in my life or he thought something fishy was going on. He would always get mad at me for the smallest things especially near the end. What lead me to break up with him was that I felt like I never made him happy, every day, multiple times a day there was always something that I did that would make him upset. I just felt like I was always making the wrong decisions. He also didn’t let me fully be who I was because he wasn’t accepting of the things I like and wanted to do. It was hard being myself when he didn’t like who I was so much. I was also made guilty for everything that happened. I started hanging out with a group a friends and he made me feel guilty that I liked spending time with them, and that I liked having friends. If there were times I wasn’t in THE MOOD to do something he would get sad and turn away and make me feel guilty that I didn’t want to. Whenever I would try to voice my concerns about our relationship he would turn it on me and make me feel like the bad guy, or would get defensive and get mad at me that I felt a certain way. I was sick of feeling like a terrible person all the time for reasons I should not have, so I broke it off and he started realizing that things he was doing weren’t that good. For a bit it seemed like he could change and get better.
A little bit before I broke up with him, I met this guy from the group of friends I would hangout with, he kind of popped up out of no where and was treating me better than my own boyfriend, he liked me for who I was, he showed me what being accepted felt like, what not getting upset for silly things felt like, it was just a whole new world and it was a little relieving to have around. After we broke up I made some decisions that weren’t my best decisions. My ex boyfriend and I were saying that we could work on us again after we have been alone for a bit and he works on himself. I ended up cuddling with this guy and kissed him once. My ex would ask me if I had done anything with said friend and I was so scared that I lied and I said no. I ended up lying a lot and I regret every single one. I’m not perfect and I’m going to make mistakes and I am certainly not proud of how I handled that situation. Recently my ex went through my phone without me knowing and saw that some things were going on with my friend and he got very upset with me. Which I totally understand I lied and said nothing was happening. He hates me so much he keeps telling me how terrible of a person I am and “fuck you” and just keeps rubbing it in that I hurt him. I know I did he doesn’t need to keep putting salt in the wound. I e apologized which I know isn’t going to make it better, but I’m learning from all of this and I really am going to be alone and work on myself for a while. I’ve never felt worse about myself, I’ve gotten low points in my life but I have never been this low. It doesn’t make it easier when I keep getting told how awful I am and all the shitty things I did.
My ex is telling me that in order for him to not block me I have to cut this friend out of my life for good. It was weird feeling so accepted and loved by someone, it was weird not fighting and getting “in trouble” over small things. It was weird feeling like I actually made someone happy to be around me. I was just getting all confused when a guy came in and was being better than my own boyfriend was. I feel so stuck because with this friend it feels so much more freeing and he’s said he will always cheer me on no matter what, and that he likes me for me and he doesn’t expect me to change for anyone. He’s always going to stay by my side and always makes me feel good about myself. But then there’s my first love, I love him so much and I would love to see things work out between us but the cycle of things I was put in with him were not healthy for me. It was a very manipulative relationship and I would have to cut my friend out which might result in me losing all of my friends.

i say seems because it does feel weird but i guess i don’t fully grasp it until i tell my family about it and they say it’s not okay. idk if i minimize it internally or what.
but anyway for context i am a 21 year old man. my manager and coworkers i work directly with are all 50+, all women. there are other employees as well who are not like this but i don’t work directly with them. but basically one of the people i don’t work directly with is a woman as well, she’s a few years older than me and for whatever reason my coworkers all think we’re in love or something. really she’s just the only person there who is normal and we are friends.
they always say wildly inappropriate things. like i got a tattoo on my outer thigh and there was a conversation leading up to this but essentially one said that the girl would’ve liked if i pulled my pants down to show her.
they all say stuff like we’re gonna get married or that we’re flirting with each other all the time. and today i had the day off and my manager was talking with a coworker and then my friend. my friend told me about it right after but since i wasn’t there i don’t know exactly what happened or what was said but apparently they somehow got on the topic of me working out and my coworker said that i showed her my biceps and told her to feel them and she told them they were as hard as rocks. this never happened. never have i shown her my biceps or even talked about them. like yeah i know that can be considered a compliment but it feels so weird that she would just make that up and tell other people that? like wtf.
idk it just makes me wonder what kinda disgusting shit they say when i’m not there and when my friend isn’t there to tell me what was said. and there have been so many times they have said stuff about me and her when she isn’t there and i immediately text her because it just feels so wrong. to talk about someone behind their back period, but especially given the type of stuff the say and the fact that i’m the only young male there and they are all older women. i’m not saying it would be okay if i was older or they were younger or they were men. idk it is wrong no matter what
i don’t even wanna go to hr because they are garbage. i have seen it firsthand they would do a whole investigation to say they found nothing or they would just transfer me to a different location instead of addressing the problem. i’m looking at other jobs for this reason along with other personal reasons but i am having trouble finding something that seems like a good fit. i haven’t been looking for long tho.
idk if i’m posting this for advice or just to vent or what. or just to tell a story. idk. thanks for reading if anyone actually did read this

Early this year I bought a 2024 Phatmoto all terrain on a whim. It looked cool and I thought it would be fun to ride. If I had never ridden motorcycles it might have been more appealing. I’m not comparing it to a motorcycle which it’s not but but what a pile it is. Out of the box it had many problems. Most obvious being the rim band poking out the bead of one of the tires and the drive chain tensioner pulley was pulling the chain to one side. I complained and customer service sent me an accessory headlight. Doh. Replaced the chain with an RK chain and it didn’t even need the tensioner pulley. The stock chain is crap. After spending lots of time tweaking, adjusting and making it right, it is what it is. Underwhelming, low powered and overweight. I see some people wanting more power and speed out of these bikes but with the wobbly flexing fork with no dampening and iffy rim welds I don’t see why. Some may like these things, it just isn’t for me. Not sure what I was expecting with it. Paid $800.00 for it and now I see they’re on sale for $699.00. Go figure. That’ll learn me.

My boyfriend (35) and I (29) have been together for a year now. We recently moved in together. We love each other, trust each other, and often talk about how we’re going to be together for a long time.
To make this short and sweet, I was recently using his phone and was really taken back by the search history. He looks at naked women almost every day. I know some of it is just porn (I watch it too!!!! Idc about that) but according to his search history, he views naked women sometimes multiple times a day. Even while at work. This prompted me to look at his IG and his search history was the same. Just constantly looking up OF models he’s stumbled on. It’s just totally shocking. It seems like he even does it when we’re in the same room together. Like if I’m working at the table and he’s on the couch, it appears that sometimes he’s looking at naked women.
Like I mentioned above, I watch porn too. I just don’t watch it every day, and I definitely don’t get the urge to look at dick while I’m just chilling on the couch 6 ft across from him. I think our sex life is great and we have such a strong chemistry. We’re always gravitating towards each other, it’s always felt natural. I always said he’s my best friend, but I’d be lying if I said this didn’t completely take a sledgehammer to my heart.
I now feel like something is deeply wrong. Maybe he’s just not attracted to me or he’s a sex addict. Maybe I’m filling a void until something else comes along. A lot of the women he looks at don’t even look like me at all. They’re either younger, have nicer bodies, are different ethnicities. Bigger tits, ass, skinnier, etc. Idk. All these things wouldn’t matter if he wasn’t my boyfriend. I now feel completely insecure and honestly disgusted that he does this so often and sometimes so close to me. My trust in him has also wavered a bit.
Should I confront him about what I saw? To the men reading this: is this just the norm? What should I do with this info now that I know about it.
TLDR; My boyfriend constantly looks at naked women online, even when I’m in the same room. Should I confront him about what I saw?

TW for sexual, physical, medical, emotional, and religious abuse, childhood sa, suicidal ideation, and self harm
This past week has been incredibly difficult so I decided it would be good for me to write a letter to my mom to keep for myself during my healing process to get everything out and it's been very cathartic (all fake names used). Part of my healing journey has been sharing my (extremely personal) experience with others who understand, hence why I'm sharing this here, and maybe it'll give someone some strength knowing that I made it out. I hope everyone is kind to themselves this week and was able to treat this holiday as a holiday for themselves for surviving their abusive moms!
Dear mom, Happy belated Mother’s Day. My Mother’s Day was spent being upset and anxious so I decided to write this letter. This letter is so incredibly difficult to write and even more difficult to read back to myself. Moving away from my university and back home during COVID was genuinely one of the most difficult things I have done in my life simply because of all of the repressed memories that flooded back into my brain every single day I was in that house. I used to resent the pandemic for forcing me to live in an environment that made me want to harm myself every single day and die every other day, but I am now thankful for the clarity that it brought me as I don’t think I’d have the foresight that I have now.
There is a lot that I want to say. I am angry, bitter, resentful, and traumatized from things that you have done to me as a child and also as an adult. Growing up, you’re never able to fully recognize what is healthy because whatever you experience will be your barometer for normalcy. I thought for a very long time that thing were normal but thank God I now know just how truly fucked up so many of my childhood experiences were. Not a single day goes by where I don’t think about the emotional, physical, and sexual abuse that I went through. I am haunted every single day by things that you did (and some things that you didn’t do) and hope that one day I will be able to heal from what I experienced.
I grew up being close to my cousin Chloe (a year younger than me) who was obviously very bitchy, mean, and abusive. This fact isn’t something you weren’t aware of as I know a fully grown adult would be able to see how she treated and talked to me when around you and come to the obvious conclusion that I should not have been allowed to be around her. She bullied me, called me names, physically assaulted me by pushing me, pulling my hair, and sitting on me with my hands held behind my back until I couldn’t breathe, forced me to bathe in scolding hot bath water that would burn my skin, making me undress and make fun of parts of my body, and forced me to watch things that she knew would scare me. This is the same time that I started having insomnia and struggled in school due to anxiety. It’s also the same time I remember my sound sensitivity starting. Do you remember my childhood friend’s mom Amelia and how protective she was over my friend, Diana? Diana met Chloe at my 9th birthday party and Diana went over to her house for a playdate and Chloe did something to her. She physically reached over and groped Diana on the privates. I knew Amelia IMMEDIATELY prevented her daughter from ever being around Chloe again. I also knew that it's possible she mentioned this to my aunt, but I'm not positive. I know that Amelia is the type of mom to prevent Diana from reading Harry Potter because she thought it was a bad influence on her due to being “demonic”, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she made you aware of what Chloe did to Diana as she knew that I spent a lot of time around her. I doubt that what Chloe did to Diana was ever kept a secret from you. Chloe also forced me to do sexual things I didn’t want to do from roughly the ages of 8-11. One time, we were in her kitchen and she pulled out a knife and said that she was going to stab me. By then, I knew she just wanted to scare me so when I had no reaction, she put the knife away. I was terrified of what would happen if I said no to her so I went along with whatever she wanted. She would go into the bathroom and tell me to follow, would lock the door, and make me take off my clothes and let her do things to me and forced me to do the same things to her. I used to think that you had NO IDEA about this until I remember you saying the words- “you were an amazing kid and never had any problems until you got a little older. I always wondered if something happened.” Who the fuck says that to their kid? Yeah, something did happen and it wouldn’t have happened if you protected me!!!! You fucking idiot!!!! I remember being in our new house and taking a shower with you when I was about 8 (which was VERY inappropriate and should NEVER have happened at all) and saying something that clearly made you uncomfortable. I remember the exact face you made and know that any normal, healthy adult would have done something about it and made sure nothing was happening. They would have made sure I was SAFE, and talked to me about safety, but nothing was said or done. You have failed me many times, but this one is the most painful. Not only will you need to live with the fact that you knew about my abuse and did nothing, but I will have to live with the fact that my mom knew "something happened” and didn’t care about me enough to protect me. I look at my beautiful niece Hallie, and imagine not protecting her like that and want to vomit. I cannot fathom how a mother would have the thought “I wonder if something happened to my daughter to case a massive behavioral change” and NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! You didn’t talk to me, never asked me if Chloe was doing anything, or anything at all. If I even had a minor suspicion that something was happening to Hallie, I would IMMEDIATELY do something about it because THAT IS MY JOB as an adult in her life. You failed me and deserve to know that this traumatized me and gave me PTSD. I am NOT autistic, no matter how much you WANT me to be so you can go around and gain sympathy for “having an autistic daughter” rather than owning up to the fact that you caused what “went wrong” with me.
Not only did you not help prevent me from being molested by my cousin, you also added to my sexual trauma by forcing me to use the giant egg monistat insert to treat a yeast infection when I was 11. I was ELEVEN and you had a bright idea to force a HUGE foreign object into my prepubescent body even though you were fully aware I could have easily gotten a prescription for a pill to swallow from a doctor. I was scared. I had so much pain and itching and needed a mother to hug me, tell me it’s going to be okay, or at the very least, EXPLAIN what I had and how we were going to fix it. You didn’t do any of that. You told me to lay down and proceeded to try and administer medication that is NOT meant for children 12 and under due to the physical damage it could cause. I was clearly in pain and scared, but you kept trying anyways. At any point, you could have stopped and taken me to the fucking doctor, but nope. You then got frustrated that “you couldn’t get it in” and told your 11 year old daughter to shove it inside herself. Then you left the room. I hadn’t even had a period yet, let alone know where my vagina was but you sure felt the need to yet again abandon your parental responsibilities and place them onto your kid! Miraculously, I put it in and wobbled out to lay on the couch because I was in physical pain from BOTH the infection and YOU, but because a child’s body isn’t able to properly fully insert the medication used (which once again I’ll remind you is meant for girls 13 and up), it came out and got on the couch because you didn’t give me a pad. And rather than prioritize your own daughter’s health, safety, wellbeing, and comfort, you were more upset about the stain on the couch and yelled at me. I will never forget in all of the years that I am alive how ashamed and disgusted I felt standing behind you watching you furiously scrub at the stain that I caused (actually, that YOU caused since this never should have happened in the first place!) and feeling a huge flood of guilt every time I saw that couch stain. One of the best days of my life was when we got a new couch and I never had to see that stain again.
All of this caused me to develop anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and ideation, self harming behaviors, having out of body experiences where I dissociate, and panic attacks amongst other things. YOU caused ALL of this and you fought tooth and nail to convince me that it was MY fault for being broken. “There’s something going on with you,” and you made it your mission to never take any responsibility for any of the trauma that you caused. Not only did you ignore all signs of abuse and sexually assault me yourself, you bullied and helped a family friend Sharon bully me when I was “being mean” to (her daughter) Faith. I was treated like I was a mentally ill monster who couldn’t be trusted and always got in trouble whenever Faith shed a single tear because I was “mean to her”. Faith cried at LEAST 15x a day, and I was blamed every time she decided to say I was the reason. You allowed a monster (Sharon) to ABUSE me and had the incredibly wise idea to start passing along what shit talking you two would say about me TO ME, a 13 year old girl. I was THIRTEEN. I was A CHILD. And yet, you came crying and complaining to me about how tired you were of hearing Sharon say I was being mean to her daughter when you could have TOLD THE OTHER ADULT IN THE SITUATION TO STOP. It never was my responsibility as a child to try and make another adult stop abusing me by “behaving better.” There was nothing wrong with how I was behaving. You never once tried to help me, you always blamed anybody and everybody else for your failures. I would come and ask you for help when I was struggling and if you didn’t care, you would pawn it off to somebody else- “go talk to your older sister” “talk to your therapist about that” “I don’t know what to say except to tell you to pray about it” and when I came back saying praying didn’t magically fix my depression, you told me to pray harder. I guess you really thought it was a skill issue rather than a diagnosable health condition! No wonder I wanted to die! Hahaha! I’ll never forget the look of disgust on your face when I was sobbing hysterically and struggling to get out the words when I told you just how badly I was affected by Sharon and said how you played a role in helping her harm and abuse me. “WELL. I’m SORRY if you think I didn’t protect you enough. I know what that feels like because my parent’s took my sister’s side a few weeks ago when we were having an argument” (as FULLY GROWN 50+ YEAR OLDS arguing and bitching LIKE CHILDREN!) No, mom, it’s not the same. I was a child and not only did you not stop an abuser from harming me, you joined in. You allowed her access to me and you passed along what horrible things she said was wrong with me. “SHARON said she thinks YOU’RE BIPOLAR. Do you think you are?” “Sharon told me that you’re having AN EPISODE and are being mean to Faith! Show me your phone!” “Well, I just don’t understand why you keep bringing this up when it happened so long ago. I just hope you can forgive her and move on.” You’re fucking disgusting. Should I go into detail about how many times I asked you to not interact with Sharon more than you needed to and you proceeded to try and force her into my life more? You KNEW how uncomfortable I was with you attending Faith’s wedding and yet, you cared more about how you looked and not only attended, but hosted both her wedding and wedding showers. I have always wondered why you never cared how I feel until I realized that you prioritize yourself and how you look to other people above anything and everyone. There is a clear pattern of behavior-

• When I was 17 and you were painting my fingernails and berating me for wanting to visit my friend up in Boston to see a concert together because “you just didn’t understand why I’d want to do that” and I started crying. You rolled your eyes and said “you better leave now if you don’t want my next client to see you crying because her appointment is in a few minutes.” You cared more about having your random client seeing me cry and potentially thinking you’re a bad mom than comforting me.
• When I was 13 and we were saying our nightly prayer the night that I had my “therapy appointment” (aka, you and my “therapist” chastising me for writing in my diary that I was having suicidal thoughts), when you were praying you said “Dear God, please help (my name)… and… pLEASE HELP ME!!!!” Clearly, YOU were affected more than I was even though I was the one wanting to die because of you. Wow. Your life is so hard!
• Telling everyone around you that I “have problems” and am “really struggling” so you can gain an ounce of sympathy. The way that your friends come up and talk to me is baffling. They treat me like I just got home from the psychiatric hospital.
• Laughing about me with my friends in high school when I was out of the room- “hahaha my daughter is sooooo weird hahaha”
• When I was 18 and you called my “therapist” (who did NOT get my consent before doing this and violated her ethical guidelines) after I moved out and stopped talking to you, you got her to help you write a list of “rules” to force me to stay in contact with you. They consisted of requiring me to “talk to you, dad, or my sister at least 1x/day” so you “knew that I was safe” aka, you wanted to control me even though I was an adult and not living in your house. I was perfectly safe, and yet you made me sound like I was doing drug deals in the morning, prostituting myself after lunch, and had plans to commit felonies later that night. I went to school, ate, and went back to my apartment. You had no right manipulating me into talking to you by using my therapist, dad, and sister against me. Pathetic.
• Telling me to go do my runs on a strange man’s property instead of the road because it’s “safer.” Dad said that this man who I’VE NEVER MET told him that “there are bad people out there who will kidnap her and do horrible things to her, SO INSTEAD she should run on MY property!” Not sketchy or rapey at all, right? And completely dismissing me when I said that made me uncomfortable by saying “my dad knows him”? Lady, do you know any rape statistics? Clearly not, because you’d then know that only 7% of assaults are strangers while 93% are family members or acquaintances. NINETY THREE PERCENT. The amount of times that I’ve mentioned someone made me uncomfortable or had a massive affect on me as a child and you’ve replied with “Oh, well did they touch you?” People don’t have to touch me to traumatize me. You’re pathetic for thinking that.

I’m not mad at Chloe. I don’t feel any anger or ill will towards her at all. She was a child just like I was a child. She was failed more than I was failed. No child acts that way and assaults other children without learning that from somewhere. I blame her parents for what happened to her. I blame YOU for what happened to me. I vividly remember things that my aunt would say the same time this was happening about little girls and their bodies and I want to smash my head against the wall. Children are to be protected above anything and everything else, by you didn’t. Do I hate Faith and think that she’s a bad person because of what happened when we were 13? No. I fully blame you and Sharon. The amount of adults that have failed me in my life keep me up at night. I think about how different my life would be had dad been more involved and seen what was going on and taken me away from you. I am angry with him for that. I dream one day I will be able to sit down with him and tell him everything I have written about and he will hug me, support me, cry with me, and apologize for not being there more to protect me. But who knows, he might defend his child abusing, mentally ill wife and say I’m making up everything. Who knows.
Do you want to know what my sister said when I told her all of this? She apologized to me for not being 15 years older than I am so she could have raised me instead. I want you to sit here and think about how fucked up that is. My own sister wishes she could have taken me away from you so you couldn’t have abused me. I imagine the pressure she must have felt having to grow up while also raising her mother and sister and I sob for her. I’ve sobbed for me for the mental anguish and torture I experienced at your hands. I’ve even sobbed for you because I can’t imagine being even a fraction of how fucked up you are to resort to abusing and neglecting your child- a child you begged to have. A child you had trouble having and prayed for. Embarrassing.
I’m never going to have a relationship with you again. If God is willing, I will never have to interact with you ever again. Saying that phrase “if God is willing” is ironic because you forcing me to pray my problems away rather than helping me led me to not believe in him. How can I believe in something that also neglected me? I’d sit in my dark bedroom night after night praying and sobbing for him to help me. I didn’t know what was happening to me, but I felt broken and alone. I now know that I was a child praying for God to take away my PTSD, and that is not possible. My heart breaks for that child.
You’re a pathetic excuse for a mother and human being. I’m truly shocked that I survived you and your abuse. I’m surprised that I didn’t ever try to kill myself to try and get away from you because you’re a vulture that prays on innocent people. The only important people in your life are people you think will give you something or will make you look good. That’s why you refused to ever cut ties with Sharon, you knew she was sexually abused as a child and you couldn’t POSSIBLY NOT be her friend because you need her to be your “friend,” or rather, your token sexually abused as a child friend. I genuinely hope that you get better and become a normal healthy person but I won’t ever be around to see it. I hope you feel even a fraction of the pain and abandonment that I have felt my entire life. Happy Mother’s Day, but today isn’t Mother’s Day for me, it’s Daughter’s Day. Moving far away from you one month ago has truly saved my life. Instead of trying to survive, I am enjoying my life. I would have died in that house. I get to finally celebrate being away from you and celebrate myself for staying strong and fighting when I could have easily given up. You once told me “you feel like I HATE you!” to guilt me into fawning over you and telling you how much I loved you, but now you get the opposite. I DO hate you and hate how you have permanently changed me and I wish to never see you again. Instead of praying for the “God forsaken, atheist, lost, evil, liar, miserable, spiteful, hateful, disgusting, mentally ill, “autistic” daughter, pray for yourself. Pray for God’s forgiveness for emotionally, medically, physically, sexually, and religiously abusing and neglecting me. You deserve to remain in your "clueless" state of "having NO IDEA what you did wrong to make her stop talking to me!" for the rest of your life.Happy Daughter’s Day.