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I decided to stop being a Neanderthal and finally alphabetized all the lists.
Haven't posted the list in 3 MONTHS. I have been super busy with a new job lately and have been having to really focus on fulfilling BNIB orders. But i figured i'd throw the decant list back up again.
SEVERAL NEW ADDITIONS THIS WEEK
New Frags/Restocks This Week:

• Bond No.9
  • Lafayette St.
  • Greenwich Village
• Nishane
  • Wulong Cha
  • Hacivat
• Roja
  • Burlington 1819
  • Isola Blue
  • Elysium Parfum
• PDM
  • Restocks
    • Sedley
    • Althaïr
    • Layton
• Whatever else I can’t remember.

Decant Examples

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• If you have ANY questions feel free to shoot me a message I will be happy to answer them all!
• ETA on "Restocking" frags is typically 5 days or less!

Parfums De Marly

• Akaster
• Carlisle
• Habdan
• Hamdani
• Kuhuyan
• Layton Exclusif
• Nisean
• Oajan
• Pegasus Exclusif

10 mL - $29 (+$4 ea for 3 for 64)
15 mL - $43
30 mL - $72
50 mL - $109

• Byerly
• Darley
• Galloway
• Godolphin
• Greenley
• Herod
• Ispazon
• Kalan
• Layton
• Lippizan
• Pegasus
• Percival OUT
• Sedley
• Shagya

10 mL - $26
15 mL - $38
30 mL - $69
50 mL - $99
60 mL - $132

• Delina
• Delina Exclusif OUT
• Delina La Rose
• Oriana

10 mL - $33 (+$8 ea for 3 for 64)
15 mL - $46
30 mL - $85

• Althaïr (New)

10 mL - $32 (+$8 ea for 3 for $64)
15 mL - $42
30 mL - $75
50 mL - $115

Initio

• Paragon
• Oud For Greatness
• High Frequency

10 mL - $35
15 mL - $49
30 mL - $89

CREED

• Aventus
• Aventus Cologne (F-Batch)

10 mL - $26 (+$2 ea for 3 for 64)
15 mL - $36
30 mL - $69
50 mL - $109
100 mL - $199

• Aventus For Her
• Bois Du Portugal
• Erolfa
• Green Irish Tweed
• Himalaya
• Love In White
• Milliseme Imperial
• Original Santal
• Original Vetiver
• Royal Mayfair (out)
• Royal Water
• Silver Mountain Water
• Tabarome Millesime
• Virgin Island Water

10 mL - $26
15 mL - $35
30 mL - $65
50 mL - $105

• Royal Princess Oud
• Viking Cologne
• Viking EDP
• Royal Princess Oud

10 mL - $28 (+$2 ea for 3 for 64 deal)
15 mL - $39
30 mL - $74
50 mL - $115

• Royal Oud

10 mL - $31 (+4 ea for 3 for 64 deal)
15 mL - $41
30 mL - $75
50 mL - $119

Older Creeds / Vintage

• Green Irish Tweed (18B01)
• Original Vetiver (09Y03)
• Royal Princess Oud (16B01)
• Viking (17W01)

10 mL - $29 (+3$ ea for 3 for 64)
15 mL - $41
30 mL - $74
30 mL - $115

Bond No. 9

• Lafayette St.
• Greenwich Village

10 mL - $34
15 mL - $47
30 mL - $93

Louis Vuitton

I WILL NOT be restocking Louis Vuittons.

• Afternoon Swim
• Orage
• Nouveau Monde
• Spell On You
• Meteore (OUT)
• L'mmensite (OUT)
• Imagination (Out)
• ATTRAPE-RÊVES

10 mL - $32
15 mL - $44
30 mL - $85
50 mL - $125

• Ombre Nomade (OUT)

10 mL - $38
15 mL - $52
30 mL - $104
50 mL - $175

NISHANE

• Hacivat
• Ani
• Fan Your Flames
• Wulong Cha

10 mL - $26
15 mL - $35
30 mL - $65
50 mL - $99

Mancera

• Cedrat Boise Intense

10 mL - $17 (Add-On)
15 mL - $25
30 mL - $39

Le Labo

• Lys 41

*GIMME CHEAP
10 mL - $28
15 mL - $38
30 mL - $69
50 mL - $99

TOM FORD

• Beau De Jour (Private Blend)
• Black Orchid
• Champaca Absolute
• Costa Azzurra (Private Blend)
• Fougere D'argent
• Fougere Platine
• Grey Vetiver
• Jasmine Rouge
• Mandarino Di Amalfi 2014
• Metallique
• Neroli Portofino
• Noir De Noir
• Ombre Leather
• Oud Fleur
• Oud Minerale (NEW)
• Patchouli Absolu
• Rive D'Ambre
• Rose De Chine (New)
• Santal Blush 2015 (A35)
• Sole Di Positano
• Soleil Neige
• Vanille Fatale
• Velvet Orchid
• Venetian Bergamote

10 mL - 26
15 mL - 36
30 mL - $65
50 mL - $99
60 mL - $118
100 mL - $165

• Arabian Wood NEW
• Black Orchid Parfum
• Lavender Extreme
• Ombre Leather Parfum
• Tuscan Leather
• White Patchouli

10 mL - $29 (+$3 ea for 3 for 64)
15 mL - $39
30 mL - $69
50 mL - $109
60 mL - $134

• 2016 Tuscan Leather (B46)
• Noir Extreme Parfum
• Oud Wood
• Oud Wood Intense
• Tobacco Oud
• Tobacco Vanille (OUT)
• Tubereuse Nue
• Tuscan Leather Intense

10 mL - $33 (+5 ea for 3 for 64)
15 mL - $45
30 mL - $91
50 mL - $129

• Fuckin Fabulous (out)
• London
• Ombre Leather 16
• Vintage Tobacco Oud (2014)

10 mL - $35 (+8 ea for 3 for 64)
15 mL - $49
30 mL - $95
50 mL - $145

Maison Francis Khurkdjian

• A La Rose
• Amyris Femme
• Amyris Homme
• Aqua Celestia Cologne Forte
• Aqua Media Cologne Forte new
• Aqua Universalis Cologne Forte
• Aqua Vite Cologne Forte
• Gentle Fluidity Gold
• Gentle Fluidity Silver
• Grand Soir (Back in stock!)

10 mL - $29
15 mL - $39
30 mL - $75
50 mL - $119

• Baccarat Rouge 540 EDP
• Cologne Pour Le Soir
• Oud
• 724

10 mL - $33
15 mL - $46
30 mL - $92
50 mL - $145

• Baccarat Rouge 540 Extrait

10 mL - $39
15 mL - $56
30 mL - $109
50 mL - $185

Yves Saint Laurent

• Lavalliere

10 mL - 26
15 mL - 37
30 mL - 69
50 mL - 105

• Caban
• Tuxedo

10 mL - $29
15 mL - $39
30 mL - $76
50 mL - $125

Roja DOVE

• Elysium PC
• Danger PC
• Enigma PC
• Scandal PC

10 mL - $33
15 mL - $46

• A Midsummer Dream (New)
• Elysium Eau Intense (New)
• Burlington 1819 (New)

10 mL - $35
15 mL - $49
30 mL - $96
50 mL - $135

• Elysium Parfum (New)
• Isola Blue (New)

5 mL - $36
10 mL - $69

XERJOFF

• Naxos (Back In Stock!)

10 mL - $31
15 mL - $40
30 mL - $76
50 mL - $125

DIOR

• Sauvage Elixir Back in Stock!

10 mL - $31
15 mL - $43

- Dior Privee Line -

• Ambre Nuit (Back in Stock)
• Bois D'Argent
• Eden-Roc
• Gris Dior
• Oud Isaphan
• Patchouli Imperial
• Purple Oud
• Spice Blend
• Tobacolor
• Vanilla Diorama

10 mL - $28
15 mL - $39
30 mL - $71
50 mL - $109

Taeur

• L'air Du Desert Marocain (LDDM)

10 mL - $36
15 mL - $49

• Au Coeur Du Desert (Extrait)

10 mL - $39
15 mL - $55

By Kilian

- 3 x 10 mL for $85

• Apple Brandy On The Rocks

10 mL - $29
15 mL - $39
30 mL - $75
50 mL - $109

• A Kiss From A Rose
• Bamboo Harmony
• Dark Lord
• Forbidden Games
• Liaisons Dangereuses
• Vodka On The Rocks
• Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi

10 mL - $32
15 mL - $45
30 mL - $85

• Good Girl Gone Bad
• Pearl Oud
• Rose Oud
• Musk Oud

10 mL - $35 (+$3 ea for 3/85)
15 mL - $49
30 mL - $95

• Amber Oud

10 mL - $39 (+$8 ea for 3/85)
15 mL - $55
30 mL - $108

Assorted Designers / Add Ons

\Add $3 if purchased by self. No charge if added on to order.*
CARDED SAMPLES
Card Samples $6/ea

• KILIAN Good Girl Gone Bad ($7.50)
• KILIAN Vodka On The Rocks
• KILIAN Straight To Heaven ($7.50)
• PDM Greenley
• MANCERA Aoud Lemon Mint
• MANCERA Red Tobacco
• MANCERA Holidays
• MANCERA Hindu Kush
• MONTALE Intense Cafe
• MONTALE Starry Nights

Decant Add-Ons

• Sauvage EDT
• Sauvage EDP
• Eros EDP
• Acqua Di Gio Profondo
• La Nuit De L'Homme
• Spice Bomb
• Spice Bomb Nightvision EDT
• Spicebomb Infrared
• One Million Elixir

10 mL - $14
15 mL - $22
30 mL - $43

• Sauvage Parfum (30 mL/$40 Shipped)
• Bleu De Chanel
• Spicebomb Extreme
• COCO EDP new
• YSL Y EDP
• YSL Y Le Parfum

10 mL - $19
15 mL - $26
30 mL - $48

• La Nuit De L'homme (Bleu Electrique)

10 mL - $28
15 mL - $38

"Every Card, Character, Relic, Curse, Event, Enemy and Potion in Alphabetical Order.
Title:The Abacus Type: Relic Rarity:Shop Character:Any
Flavor: ""One...Two...Three..."" Effect: Gain 6 Block whenever you shuffle your draw pile.
Wiki Link: The Abacus Google Document
Yesterdays Discussion: Terror Tomorrows Discussion: The Bomb
Thank you for upvoting the Main Post :-)"

1st draft (12 May A69) description box:

Discussion of individual hiero-types, i.e. the 1,050+ hiero-glyphs, individually examined, including, and most importantly, the 7 hiero-numeral types.

Notes

1. Notes the HieroTypes handle was first used in this post.

Posts

• It behooves the state of my space-time existence 🚧 NOT to engage in dialogue with those who drop either the S-bomb 💣, the C-bomb 💣, or other DL red flag 🚩 terms

Abstract
Memory note, on rules of dialogue engagement, about not wasting limited space-time existence with mentally backwards-walking🚶‍♀️➡️🧠 puerile hecklers from the audience.
Sheikh Mahmoud
Mental note
The following (12 May A69) is a mental 💭 wake-up note 📝 to self:

“If someone from the linguistics community, i.e. those lost in PIEland 🥧🏝️ beliefs or ShemLand pandering, e.g. as post-amassing monthly now in linguisticshumor (100K+ members), or Egyptology community, being confused by learned incorrect CartoPhonetics foundations, or whatever 20+ EAN-impacted communities, using the Sheikh Mahmoud technique, calls you ”schizo-typic” 💊, e.g. here, here (N[7]R, 2-4 May A69), this 18+ user (aka puerile) even deleting their entire reddit account, a few days later (a commonly seen anti-EAN phenomenon), after given a 7-day ban for fouling on red flag 🚩 DebateLinguistics (DL) discussion rules, a “schizo” babbler, e.g. here (V[8]V, 11 May A69), or “schizo-phrenic” here (J[13]R, 31 Mar A69) AND posts, repeatedly, that I am “crazy” 🤪 here, here (J[13]R, 24 Apr A69), etc., these being the two main anti-EAN derogation mud 💩 slinging terms employed, in growing weekly or monthly derogations; all because I have begun (11 Feb A67/2022), since the Pandemic, to work on EAN theory (Swift, A17), evidenced by the LeidenI350 stanzas, which proves that all ABGD-based languages — the English, Latin, Greek, Sanskrit based languages most importantly, as explaining this combined group solves the famous Jones common “source language” problem:

Jones on the common source hypothesis:

“Sanskrit (संस्कृत), Greek (Έλληνε), Latin, Gothic, Celtic, and possibly old Persian, must have sprung from some 🗣️ common source?”
— William Jones (169A/1786), Asiatick Society of Bengal, Third Anniversary Discourse, Presidential address, Feb 2

The 🆕 common source being Abydos, Egypt (5700A/-3745), e.g. here, here, etc., the center of the new EgyptoIndoEuropean (EIE language family).

— words, Etymo, phonetics, and AlphabetOrigin, and alphabet “order”, derive directly from the 28 symbol LunarScript; which formed in the 500-year Sesostris (ΣΕΣΟΣΤΡΙΣ) [1285] empire, e.g. here, here, etc., world language domination window, between 3300A and 2800A, wherein the Egyptians impressed their language system on people, similar to how the Romans, during the Roman empire era, impressed Latin on people; which, in short, was imprinted, similar to a language coding computer program, onto the minds 🧠 of people, in the form of the 28 number-letter Osiris-themed ”Egyptian alphabet”, the first 14-letters: A to N, arranged in so-called: hoe 𓁃, 𓌹, 𓍁 [A], sow 𓁅, 𓂺 𓏥 (𐤄, E), reap 🌱𓌳 [M], and 150-day flood 💦 [N], yearly agricultural cycle, aka ”farming order” (Horner, A67); wherein a four layered social structure was encoded: farming, priests, warriors, government, gods, defined by laws, was encoded; spoken about, in geometric and cosmology terms, by Plato, Plutarch, Young, Swift, Gadalla, and Rehab; all derived from so-called “reduced” Egyptian GodGeometry and EgyptoLinguistics; a new number-coded language, formulated by Egyptian mathematicians, engineers, e.g. here, and cosmologists:

Psychoyos on engineered language invention hypothesis:

“It is strange how everybody wonders 💭 if it was possible❓for humble workers, Semite prisoners of war in fact [Gardiner, 39A], to have invented 💡alphabetic 🔠 writing ✍️? But no one should discuss the possibility of the invention alphabetic writing to have been the work of ⚙️ engineers, even though the myths seem to point in this direction? Maybe alpha, beta, gamma, delta ... represent 1, 2, 3, 4 ... in some 🗣️ language?”
— Dimitris Psychoyos (A50/2005), “The Forgotten Art of Isopsephy“ (pg. #)

[continued]

originally described by the seven main Egyptian numerals, dating to the 5300A TombUJ number tags 🏷️, which attest letter-number H (8), as 𓐁 [Z15G], i.e. two palms 𓂪, and letter-number R (100), as the solar 🌞 ram head 𓍢 [Z1], and the 5700A Naqada I period black-rimed vase, which attest the proto letter-number I (10), as type: ∩, the Horus 𓅃 solar 🌞 falcon in the Hathor 𓁥 Milky Way 🌌 cow 🐮 yoke home 𓉡, aka letter omega Ω [800] presently; a 6K+ year old Egyptian cosmology star 🌟 story, recorded by 1,050+ HieroTypes; the oldest of which being letter-number H [8] or 𓐁 [Z15G], in the attested form: 𓏽 (𓂪) / 𓏽 (𓂪), found extant on the 20,000A Ishango math 🧮 bone 🦴, Congo, Africa; all of which predicates a steep 4-year or more learning curve, in order to understand what is going on:

New EAN member who has previously enjoyed read Fideler (A38):

“There’s a steep barrier to entry on this material in terms of time commitment and information processing ability.”
— O[19]0 (A69), “comment”, Hebrew Numerals, May 9

[continued]

Subsequently, as I only have so many days of space-time existence left on this planet 🌍, the 3rd rock 🪨 from the sun 🌞, who the Egyptians referred to by the hiero-name: 𓀭 𓃀 𓅬 [A40-D58-G38] (here), to use to finish the scheduled 6-volume EAN book 📚 set, so I can get back to the HumanChemThermo (HCT) derivation and final scheduled target 🎯 HCT publication; it thus behooves me 🚧 not to engage in dialogue with those who drop either the S-bomb 💣, the C-bomb 💣, or other DL red flag 🚩 terms, as these types of people already have their mind “made up”, being pre-disposed to backwards non-open-mined thinking 🤔, their brain 🧠 anchored ⚓️ in accepted “standard” status quo, but logically incongruent, ideology and dogma; and no amount of arguing or discussion will convince them otherwise, as has been evidenced in the 1.5-year open window🪟of free-going discussion, in the early period of Reddit EAN; or to reply to people whose refutation is “LOL, you are not a scientist, and do not know peer review!”, a comment made while I was making this mental note.
It is better, as Planck said, to let the old generation die off, so that the new generation will allowed sunlight so to grow to the new view.”
— Libb Thims (A69), “mental note”, wake-up state, 9:35 PM CST, May 12

Mental note Follow-up #1
The following is the “reduced“ version of the former:

“Do not 🚧 engage [DNE] with puerile minds.”
— Libb Thims (A69), ”mental note”, wake up state (sleep: 11-hours); thoughts on previous day wake up mental note, combined with V[4]S, in this post, who dropped the S-bomb 💣, to which I replied with pro-tip rule, at the Russian (language) sub, about the following letter L type switch from: Λ → Л, between my name in print as: Λибб Тимс, below my photo, versus this the Google translate name Либб Тимс (Libb Thims) or say Леонард Эйлер (Leonard Euler) also shown in the article, below his photo, spelled as Λеонард ЭйΛер in this A52 (2007) Russian article. It still boggles my mind how someone throw the S-bomb at someone for asking the simple question: “how: Λ → Л?”, 3:30PM CST May 13

Mental note Follow-up #2

”You are wasting my space-time.”
— Libb Thims (A69), truncated summary of previous, 2:23AM May 14

Pro tip!
A good rule of thumb to shut-down the conversation with the do-not-engage-with (DNEW) types of users, is just to paste the following, which links to this mental note page:
Reply.
In other words, it should not be that difficult to have a coherent ABC conversation about the origin of ABC, or the new theory of the Egyptian origin of language 🗣️ , without recourse to a trip down the sewer 🕳️ drain, the city trash 🚮 dump, or to the happy default land of ad-hominem-ville?

Looking at some of the observations made in the Encyclopedia of observations:

• Symbols on even positions do not repeat. Symbols on odd positions do (N and circled 8). (Source: daikon)
• The cipher contains three symbols that look like circled 8's. Coincidentally, there are 8 "normal" symbols (excluding the upside down T). (Source: Ed Pittman)
• There are 13 symbols, with A as the first and M as the last. This fits with the first half of the alphabet; there are 13 letters, A is the first, M is the last. AbcdefghijklM (Source: egg)
• The order of alphabet and non-alphabet characters is mirrored (or palindromic): (3-2-1-1-1-2-3): aen??k?m??nam (Source: egg)
• N is the third letter from the start and third from the end. (Source: egg)
• It is possible to linearly sequence part of the alphabet mirrored around the central ciphered character: nmlklmn (Source: egg) (Visualization)
• Letters from the word "NAME" appear in the cipher text. The cleartext prior to the cipher says "My name is _____".
• The "circled 8" or "taurus" symbols are in symmetrical positions with respect to the center of the cipher text.
• "N" and "M" symbols appear in an orderly sequence: N, M, N and M. (Illustration)
• The "circled 8" or "taurus" symbols do not appear in Zodiac's other 3 ciphers. The upside down T also appears in Z32.
• The word "WANT" appears when the cipher is flipped vertically. (Illustration)
• 3 symbols line up with a section of Z340. (Source: traveller1st) (original broken link)
• The "E"s in the last 18 letters of Z408's plaintext line up with the 3 circled 8 symbols in Z13. (Illustration)
• The cipher text resembles Greek inscription "anetheke" which appears on ancient Greek temples and artifacts. (Source: Tom Voigt) (More examples)
• Decrypting the first 6 symbols of Z13 with Z408's and Z340's key produces plaintext letters that are clustered on a standard keyboard layout (Source: marclean)
• If you skip 8 positions from each 8-ball symbol (including wrap around), it spells ME⌖ (Source: https://twitter.com/whatever23978)
• The "p.s." section in the bus bomb letter, when reversed, contains "AEN" and "NAM" which are also found in Z13. "K" and "M" also appear in the correct order (respective to Z13). (source: rando, Shaqmeister)
• The October 5th 1970 card has 13 holes punched in it, reminiscent of the 13 symbols in Z13.

My own observations :
Here's a few things I noticed within the cipher that have not been mentioned:

• Taurus (if it is actually refering to the Taurus sign) belongs to the Earth element or triplicity, there are 3 8's in the cipher.
  
• By skipping 8 positions from each 8-ball symbol, we get the messages ME⌖ (going right) and AA⊥ (going left). Left-Right swaps, this seems to be an important part of the cipher as the symbols seem to indicate this as an operation.
  
• There could be some significance to the number 3 here too, as there are 3 "8-balls", there are 3 normal characters in each block of aen⌖ and ⊥nam.
  
• The letter N (Z if rotated 90 degrees) is always next to the special symbols N⌖ and ⊥N, also the pairings N⌖8 and 8⊥N
  
• It might also be suggesting (possibly) the following substitutions: ⌖ = M/E ⊥ = A
  
• By using 8 skips from the 8-ball we get ME⌖ and AA⊥, let's assume that's not coincidence and that the 8-ball symbol is actually an 8, then the number 8 has to be part of cracking the code, perhaps a shift of 8, skip of 8, modulo of 8 or a combination of some/all of them.
  
• The cipher is 13 characters long, if duplicated it's 26, which would be the full english alphabet.
  
• The cipher seems to be self-referential, and the key to the solution is within the cipher itself.
  
• The inclusion of only 2 symbols and 3 numbers, while the rest are normal alphabetic characters, suggests that there is a manipulation of the alphabetic characters as solution.
  
• The letters 'a,' 'e,' 'k,' 'm,' and 'n' are used, all from the first half of the alphabet. This could indicate a constrained alphabet or a manipulation involving only these letters.
  
• The symbols ⌖ and ⊥ might play a role in the solution. Perhaps they represent instructions, such as "reverse the following sequence" or "apply modulo 8 arithmetic." or read from right to left, etc.
  
• There is some indication that this could be an Alberti cipher, Rail fence cipher or Polybius square.
  

Hypothesis: The solution to the cipher "aen⌖8k8m8⊥nam" lies in the manipulation of the alphabetic characters (a, e, n, k, m) using the number 8 as a key.
Key Points:

• Palindromic/Symmetric structure: The cipher is mirrored around the central 8, suggesting a self-referential nature where the solution is contained within the cipher itself.
• Limited symbols and characters: The use of only 2 unique symbols (⌖, ⊥) and 3 numbers (8), alongside only 5 normal alphabetic characters (a, e, n, k, m), indicates a focus on manipulating the letters rather than substituting them with other symbols.
• Emphasis on the number 8: The repeated use of the number 8, along with the potential messages ME⌖ and AA⊥ derived by skipping 8 positions from each 8-ball symbol, strongly suggests that 8 is the key to deciphering the code.
• Potential letter substitutions: The association of ⌖ with M/E and ⊥ with A, derived from the messages ME⌖ and AA⊥, further supports the idea of manipulating letter positions rather than replacing them entirely.
• Self-Referential: The cipher appears to provide clues within itself, suggesting that understanding the relationships between the letters and the number 8 is crucial to unlocking its meaning.

Conclusion: I'm strongly convinced that the z13 can be solved using the clues and code found within the cipher itself, and that the solution will follow some logical steps, figuring out the correct steps and methods would require more understanding of the structure and methods used in order to create the cipher. But the key to the cipher is contained within itself, that makes the most sense considering how short it is.
What are your thoughts?

Alas, back to work. Good thing I got this finished before then!
Who is Electimuss? A British niche house, "founded in 2015 by Luke Granger and Jason Collison" according to their webpage despite their earliest releases actually being in 2013. Electimuss means “to choose the best” in Latin and is inspired by the epic tales of Ancient Rome, hence the columnar bottles I guess. They claim "obsession for creativity, quality and the quest for the best," supported by all their fragrances being 25-30% Pure Parfum/Extrait releases. At relatively low prices relative to other high-end niche houses, at least from discounters!
Another fairly new British house, like Thameen. This is a review of the 20pc Discovery Selection Box, which is not their full catalog. The set changes periodically to add in new releases while dispensing with some of the less popular old ones. Since I bought mine used quite a while back, some of my samples aren't in the current iteration of the DSB. Pretty nice box, though, with sample sprayers that consistently work.
In alphabetical order, because that's how they were ordered in the box:
Amber Aquilaria (Cinnamon, Peach, Mandarin orange, Bergamot; Cognac, Geranium, Jasmine, Rose, Neroli; Ambergris, Oud, Bourbon vanilla)

• A woody amber scent with an intriguing, almost medicinal, melange of fruit and spice on top. Is it the oud or the cognac, perhaps both? A piercing opening of sharp citrus and booze, an itchy dusting of cinnamon and peach fuzz, a hint of airy rose in the heart. Strong projection fades over 3-4hr, longevity 12hr+. 3.5/5

A very strange smell that I'm not even sure how much I really like it, yet it commands my interest.
Aurora (Oud, Cardamom, Saffron, Cloves; Rose, Patchouli, Sandalwood; White musk, Ambergris)

• A diffuse skeleton of a rose-oud-saffron fragrance. It's sweet with a light dusting of spices, has a fair bit of funk to it, and an airy rose tinting the scent. The sourness of the oud gives it an offputting floor cleaner undertone, as if entering a recently mopped room. Moderate projection fades over 3-4hr, longevity 12hr+. 2/5

Has an almost aldehydic sparkle to it.
Auster (Star anise, Lemon; Geranium, Cloves; Ambergris, Cedar, Patchouli, Musk, Sandalwood)

• Spicy woody scent. As if I'm polishing my dining room table with Lemon Pledge and whoops, my arm bonked the nearby spice rack and spilled a bunch of star anise + cloves all over. There's got to be a better way! Coarsely textured, with an almost camphorous overtone. The patchouli adds a little sweetness and earthiness. Moderately strong projection for 3-4hr, longevity 10-12hr. 3/5

The smell of fresh lacquer with the roughness of unfinished wood, sorta.
Black Caviar (Caviar, Cedar, Oud; Lavender, Sage, Rosemary; Patchouli, Oakmoss, Vetiver)

• Sort of a marine fougere-like or herbal aquatic. A salty aquatic matrix of thick gelatin is served on a soft woody base, spotted with a mixture of fresh green aromatics. The oud lends a diffusive quality without animalic notes. Gets more herbal as it dries down, with the lavender dominating to start but steadily giving way to its sibling notes. Moderately strong projection fades to a soft scent bubble over 3-4hr, longevity 12hr+. 2.5/5

The opening is a harsh, vinegary mistress but thankfully that fades after a few minutes. Obviously not a favorite, but a friend did compliment me on it.
Capua (Cypress, Elemi, Marigold, Bergamot; Cypriol, Cedar, Cumin; Amber, Cashmeran, Cedar, Vetiver)

• Smoky, ambery woods. A green piney cypress leads the opening, along with a fresh peppery veneer, but at its center is a dark, rich smoky woods. The immediate aftermath of a wildfire, charred trees still giving off warmth with conifer needles littering the ground. Resins slowly displace the smoke as it dries down, adding a mild sweetness. Strong projection fades to a modest scent bubble over ~3hr, longevity 10-12hr. 3/5

Where Auster smells like the process of crafting wooden furniture, this is more like the raw freshness of the outdoors. And a lot of smoke, at least initially.
Celestial (Saffron, Black pepper, Raspberry; Bulgarian rose, Indian rose absolute, Frankincense, Pink pepper; Tonka bean, Cedar, Guaiacwood)

• Peppery rose. A faint, sweet leather accord underpins a bouquet of fresh pink roses sprinkled with finely ground, earthy black pepper. Stout woods hold it down in the base, but the scent is fairly linear. Moderately strong scent bubble persists for 6-8hr, longevity 10-12hr. 3.5/5

If anything, the raspberry might actually be more noticeable in the drydown. Bright, candied, kinda gives it a musky/powdery texture as a skin scent.
Imperium (Bergamot, Coriander; Tuberose, Lily, Rose, Jasmine, Neroli, Saffron; Bourbon vanilla, Musk, Patchouli, Amber, Guaiacwood, Oud)

• Aventus, Hacivat, Ani blah blah blah. Does it open like them? Yeah, kinda. More like Explorer or Cedrat Boise, where they all do the "citrus posing as pineapple" thing. Anyway, a hint of orange, a melange of white florals, plus a healthy dose of creamy vanillic sweetness make it the brightest and most uplifting of the bunch. Fairly linear drydown to my nose, as I never get much in the way of the darker base notes listed. In short, I'd say it's like the opening of Hacivat without the drydown, add vanilla. Moderate initial projection that ramps up through the first hour before reining in over 4-5hr, longevity 12hr+. 5/5

One of my faves in the "inspired by Aventus" space. I tried this back in the day looking for vanilla gourmands... and while not exactly fitting the scent profile I was looking for at the time, it's quite excellent in its own right. Like Aventus if you replaced the smoke with more vanilla. Less screechy than Hacivat.
Jupiter (Labdanum, Davana, Oud, Saffron, Incense; Cedar, Patchouli, Sandalwood, Vetiver; Ambrette, Musk, Oud, Ambergris, Tonka bean, Vanilla)

• A heavy dose of sweet saffron, backed by a mild oud. Subtle powder with the medicinal oud, light florals, and ambrette giving it a breezy, spacious feel. Faint wafts of fruity notes, leather accord, incense, amber accent the scent profile anchored to a sturdy wood base. Moderate projection for 3-4hr settles into a soft scent bubble over 5-6hr, longevity 16hr+. 4/5

Soft & sweet, a bit of a shapeshifter as it dries down. The ambrette swaps in and out of a dominant position in the mid, and it becomes a very dry leathery wood skin scent.
Mercurial Cashmere (Pink pepper, Cardamom, Bergamot; Tuberose, Violet, Iris, Ambergris; Caramel, Musk, Cashmeran, Tonka bean, Vanilla, Oud, Cedar)

• A face-meltingly bright opening of pink pepper and bubblegum tuberose, which gives way to a core of creamy caramel and purple flowers. Sweet, creamy, floral. Strong projection begins to fade after 3-4hr, longevity 10-12hr. 3.5/5

The opening is extremely aggressive, thankfully I like the scent well enough to not be so bothered. Vanillic cedar as a skin scent.
Octavian (Pink pepper, Saffron; Taif rose, Attar of roses, Frankincense; Oud, Amber)

• A pretty basic rose-oud-saffron scent. Most prominent is the moderately sour oud supported by an airy, almost soft powdered, pink rose. The saffron imparts a faint leather accord and hint of sweetness. Linear drydown. Very strong projection fades over 4-5hr, longevity 10-12hr. 2.5/5

A rose-oud-saffron by any other name...
Patchouli of the Underworld (Labdanum, Black pepper, Pink pepper, Mandarin orange; Patchouli, Leather, Carnation; Styrax, Castoreum, Labdanum)

• Peppery leather amberwoods. Rough leather and earthy black pepper, first and foremost, yet it's not as dark or heavy as those notes would imply. The pink pepper & mandarin lend an effervescence that give it a fresher, lightweight quality, while heavy labdanum envelops everything in the warm embrace of sweet amber. Moderate projection for 2-3hr settles into a comforting scent bubble, longevity 12hr+. 3.5/5

Not as challenging as the note breakdown looks, but also the patchouli is surprisingly minimized here.
Persephone's Patchouli (Cardamom, Plum, Pomegranate; Patchouli, Jasmine, Rose; Honey, Sandalwood, Ambergris, Cedar)

• A fairly green, woody patchouli is immediately front and center. It has an almost oudy sourness on initial spray (perhaps the tart pomegranate) that settles into a fruity, honeyed sweetness after a few minutes. Light florals lend a soft lift and dance with patchouli for the spotlight. Dries down to a fresh cedar skin scent. Moderately soft projection for 2-3hr, longevity 6-8hr. 3/5

This is much more patchouli-heavy than Underworld off the bat, although it somewhat fades in and out.
Pomona Vitalis (Lychee, Apple, Strawberry, Bergamot; Bulgarian rose, Rose absolute; Patchouli, Vanilla, Benzoin, Sandalwood, Styrax)

• Fresh, clean baby powder tinged with a soft, dusty rose. Juicy lychee & friends impart a thin, watery sweetness with a tart burst. Becomes more musky as it dries down but doesn't substantially change, it's always a powdery rose scent. Moderately soft projection for 2-3hr, longevity 10-12hr. 4/5

You know how cinnamon doesn't dissolve in water and just kinda floats on top? That's this fragrance. A bowl of water, with a finely powdered rose dusted across the surface. It's not bad but they never quite meld.
Puritas (Elemi, Pink pepper, Absinthe, Saffron; Frankincense, Rose, Tuberose absolute, Geranium, Ylang-ylang, Jasmine; Labdanum, Patchouli, Tonka bean, Guaiacwood, Vetiver, Amber)

• White floral absinthe. An odd mixture of cool and airy, yet resinous and medicinal. Dry, green, biting absinthe and bubblegum tuberose stand out to me in the opening, quickly followed by a subtle fruity sweetness and light incense. The frankincense dominates the drydown, an almost soapy clean white smoke scent. Moderate projection for 4-5hr, longevity 8-10hr. 3/5

Here's one for you "church smell" people if you can get past the opening.
Rhodanthe (Bergamot, Lemon, Pear, Cloves; Saffron, Violet, Raspberry, Black tea, Rose, Pink pepper; Oud, Amber, Cedar, Musk, Vanilla, Patchouli)

• A loud medley of fruit & spice in the opening. Candied raspberry and tart citruses are reined in by a sweet watery pear, pocked by earthy cloves and pepper. Infused with a soft rose throughout, it gets more woody as it dries down. Mostly cedar, with faint hints of smoky amber and patchouli. Moderately soft projection for 2-3hr, longevity 8-10hr. 4/5

Another rose-oud-saffron scent on paper, but they're minor players here covered by a veneer of bright, fresh fruits.
Silvanus (Saffron, Oud, Cloves; Sandalwood, Cedar, Lily-of-the-valley, Rosewood; Ambergris, White musk)

• A potent musky, lily-of-the-valley bomb. Heavy LotV with bits of sweetness and underlying woods. Fresh 'n' soapy clean but almost searingly bright, as if the alcohol never quite burns off or it's stuffed with aldehydes. Moderate projection for 3-4hr, longevity 8-10hr. 3.5/5

Not dissimilar to that neutral, clean musky smell of "unscented" laundry products where they simply combine fragrances into a sort of null scent.
Summanus (Cardamom, Bergamot, Orange, Black pepper, Ginger, Pine, Elemi; Rose, Jasmine absolute, Amyris, Amber, Cognac; Sandalwood, Cedar, Cypriol, Guaiacwood, Tonka bean)

• Citrus amber. A sweet counterbalance of candied orange peels with fresh, earthy spices and warm resins. Flavored with a hint of green, plus a touch of airy florals to help keep it from getting too dense. The woody base bolsters the creamy texture of the resins and reveals itself steadily as it dries down. Moderate projection for 5-6hr, longevity 12hr+. 4.5/5

Not too sweet, not too heavy, no single element stands out. A well-balanced, and fairly linear, composition.
Trajan (Mandarin orange, Blood orange, Lemon, Bergamot; Lavender, Sage, Saffron; Cedar, Oakmoss, Ambergris)

• Sweet 'n' spicy amberwoods. Primarily a heavy dose of saffron aerated by ambroxan + citruses, underpinned with fresh cedar + moss. Yep, it's Baccarat Rouge 540. A little more full-bodied than the original EDP, with added aromatics to give it some heft, yet not as dense as the Extrait. Very strong projection fades over 5-6hr, longevity 6-8hr. 4.5/5

The citruses lend a slight orangey flavor that is more interesting than the raw sugary sweetness of BR540, but Trajan doesn't have quite the same ethereal charm.
Vici Leather (Cinnamon, Wormwood, Pink pepper; Sweet leather accord, Tuberose, Amber, Balsamic notes)

• Soft, supple leather sandwiched between a caked-on layer of sweet cinnamon and warm balsamic notes. The spices give it a sort of fuzzy, powdery, suede-like texture. There's some underlying smoky woods plus a faint hint of absinthe, but I'm not really picking up tuberose. Moderately strong projection for 3-4hr, longevity 8-10hr. 4.5/5

A unique ambery leather scent that, to my nose, isn't as aggressively animalic as a lot of other reviews claim. I find it quite pleasant and genteel.
Vixere (Mandarin orange, Bergamot, Neroli, Grapefruit, Ylang-ylang; Violet, Jasmine, Iris, Gardenia, Heliotrope; Sandalwood, Patchouli, Musk, Tonka bean, Vanilla, Amber)

• Fresh, clean, a bit soapy powdered citrus floral. Orange pith dusted with finely crushed flowers. Little bits of all of them, in strength ranked in rough order by the note breakdown. Gains a vanillic sweetness as it dries down. Moderately strong projection for 2-3hr after a soft initial period, longevity 8-10hr. 4/5

Others compare it to Reflection Man, but that's much more of a white floral-centric scent whereas Vixere has lots of ylang and violet. The bright vanillic drydown reminds me of Imperium.
Summary:

• [5/5] Imperium
  
• [4.5/5] Summanus, Trajan, Vici Leather
  
• [4/5] Jupiter, Pomona Vitalis, Rhodanthe, Vixere
  
• [3.5/5] Amber Aquilaria, Celestial, Mercurial Cashmere, Patchouli of the Underworld, Silvanus
  
• [3/5] Auster, Capua, Persephone's Patchouli, Puritas
  
• [2.5/5] Black Caviar, Octavian
  
• [2/5] Aurora
  

Strong showing on the back end! Nice normal scoring curve overall. Mostly solid performances, great price at discounters, some bangers. A couple glorified clones but also a couple wholly unique scents. I'm a fan of Electimuss. Good showing for one of these newer "premium" niche houses otherwise lacking identity.
Next up? I enter my /indiemakeupandmore phase! 🧙‍♀️

MY CONTACT INFO:

• Email: [info@hiraedu](mailto:info@hiraedu). com
• WhatsApp: +1 (213) 594-5657
• Call: +1 727 456 9641
• Important: Please contact me via text or call to get the fastest response possible. I don't check Reddit Messenger very often.

ASSESSMENTS I CAN COMPLETE:

• Online Courses (1 - 20 Weeks Long)
• Homework Assignments
• Exams Quizzes Tests
• Excel Projects
• Discussion Forum Posts
• Research Papers Term Papers Essays
• Employment Assessments

MY MATH SUBJECTS OF EXPERTISE:
I am very knowledgeable and proficient in assisting students in a wide range of mathematics classes. I can help students complete their homework assignments and other projects get an A on quizzes, tests, and exams (including proctored assessments) answer online discussion posts write essays & papers in MLA APA Chicago format and provide general overall academic help in each math course listed below:

• Advanced Placement Honors High School Level Math
• AP Calculus AB A.P. Calculus BC
• AP Statistics
• Biostatistics Bio-Statistics
• College Algebra Intermediate Algebra
• Business Calculus
• Business Statistics
• Business Math
• Calculus I Calculus II Calculus III (Calc)
• Geometry
• International Baccalaureate (IB) Maths
• Liberal Arts Math
• Logic & Reasoning
• Multivariable Calculus Multi variable Calculus
• Precalculus Pre-calculus
• Probability & Statistics
• Psychology Statistics Psych Stats
• Quantitative Reasoning Quantitative Methods Quantitative Literacy (Quant)
• Statistics (Stats)
• Statistics for Social Sciences
• Trigonometry (Trig)

STATISTICS HELP (MY BEST SUBJECT):

• I have a master's degree in Applied Statistics from a university in New Jersey, USA. As a result, I am very proficient in helping students with various types of Statistics courses including Biostatistics Business Statistics Elementary Statistics Probability & Statistics Psychology Statistics.
• I have extensive knowledge and skill with helping students get through various statistical concepts including all of the following in alphabetical order:
• ANOVA Bar Graph, Boxplot, Dot Plot, Histogram, Pie Chart Bias Binomial, Exponential, Poisson, Gamma, Uniform Distribution Central Limit Theorem Chi-Square Test Coefficient of Determination (R^2) Conditional & Relative Probability Confidence Interval Correlation Coefficient (r) Critical Region Critical Value Descriptive & Inferential Statistics Effect Size Expected Value Experiment vs Observation Goodness of Fit Test Hypothesis Testing Interpolation & Extrapolation Interquartile Range (IQR) Kurtosis Left, Negative, Right, Positive Skewed Distribution Logistic Regression Mean, Median, Mode, Midrange Multiple Regression Nominal, Ordinal, Interval, Ratio I Population Parameter Normal, Symmetric & Bell Shaped Distribution Null & Alternate Hypothesis One & Two Sample T-Test One & Two Sample Z-Test Ordinary Least Squares Outliers P-Value Pooled Variance (Equal Variances) Proportion R^2 Range Regression Regression Line Reject & Fail to Reject Ho Relative & Cumulative Frequency Distributions Relativity & Reliability Right, Left, One, Two Tailed Tailed Hypothesis Test Sample Statistics Sampling Methods (Convenience, Stratified, Simple, Cluster, Systematic) Significance Level (1%, 5%, 10%) Skewness Standard Deviation& Variance T-Score Test Statistic Time Series Type I & Type II Errors Unbiased Estimators Z-Score

ALGEBRA HELP:

• I am well-versed in helping students do well in Algebra 1 & 2 College Algebra Intermediate Algebra Pre-Algebra and I am very knowledgeable and proficient in the following algebra topics in alphabetical order:
• Absolute Values Circle Equation Domain Exponents Graphing Horizontal & Vertical Asymptotes Inequalities, Equations & Functions Inverse Functions Linear, Exponential, Logarithmic, Quadratic Equations Logarithms Maximum & Minimum Values of a Graph Number Lines One-to-One Functions Parallel & Perpendicular Lines Plotting Points & Ordered Pairs Point-Slope Form Polynomial Division Polynomials Radicals Range Rational & Irrational Expressions Rational Functions Real Roots Real Zeros Relations & Functions Slope Slope-Intercept Form Square Roots Standard Form of a Line System of Equations System of Inequalities Variables X and Y Intercepts

CALCULUS HELP:

• I am well-versed in helping students do well in Calculus I, II & III, Calculus 1, 2 & 3, Business Calculus, Multivariable Calculus, Vector Calculus and I am very knowledgeable and proficient in the following calculus topics in alphabetical order:
• Absolute & Local Maximum and Minimum Antiderivative Area & Volume Chain Rule Concavity Continuity Convergence Test Critical Points Curvature Curve of Rotation Curve Sketching Derivatives Divergence Test First & Second Derivative Test Fourier Series Implicit Differentiation Increasing / Decreasing Functions Infinite Series Integrals Integration by Parts Jacobian Matrix Limits L’Hopital’s Rule Maclaurin Series Mean Value Theorem Partial Derivative Product & Quotient Rule Reiman Sum Related Rates Simpson’s Rule Solid of Revolution Substitution Rule Taylor Series

ATTRIBUTES THAT SET ME APART FROM OTHER TUTORS:

• I firmly believe that I have many attributes and skills that set me apart from other tutors. Below is a list of qualities that makes me an ideal fit to help you master your coursework:

I CAN AID STUDENTS TAKING PROCTORED ASSESSMENTS:

• Proficient in CollegeBoard AP Calculus AB, AP Calculus BC & AP Statistics exams.
• Skilled with International Baccalaureate Math Exams: IB Maths HL & IB Maths SL
• Can intentionally answer a few problems incorrectly at the student's request.
• Can text solutions to the student while they are taking a proctored exam.
• Upon request, can purposely obtain grades below an A (ex: B+, B, C+, C-).
• I can stretch out the time to a plausible length for timed exams and assignments before submitting them.
• Have reliable software that can change my IP address to match the closest major city near the student.
• I have exceptional multiple-choice exam-taking skills. I have mastered the various techniques to make calculated guesses for the correct option in standardized exams such as the SAT & GRE.

I CAN VERIFY MY ACADEMIC KNOWLEDGE & SKILLS:

• I have no problem with requests to solve sample problems upfront to prove my knowledge & proficiency of the course concepts.
• I can provide glowing references & strong examples of work done for past clients to verify my academic skills.
• I can also provide, upon request, complete detailed calculations with explanations for solutions to the problems worked on.
• I am quite skilled and adept in using multiple modernized educational platforms and software, including but not limited to: Brightspace MyStatLab D2L WebAssign Canvas MyMathLab Blackboard ALEKS
• Can format term papers and discussion posts in APA MLA Harvard Chicago Vancouver OSCOLA IEEE format.

I HAVE PAID ACCESS TO OVER 15 STUDY-HELP WEBSITES AND MATHEMATICAL SOFTWARE:

• I have multiple paid subscriptions to a wide range of academic tutoring resources, including Chegg, Quizlet, CourseHero, Brainly, Grammarly, Bartleby, Slader, Transtutors, Slideshare, StudocU, Turnitin, Academia, SymboLab, WolframAlpha, and Scribd to help guide to solve exam & homework questions that I may not immediately know.
• However, I am smart enough not to blatantly plagiarize solutions online but instead write them in my own unique words, formatting, & mathematical terminology.
• I have access to a very sophisticated graphing calculator and various mathematical software that provides step-by-step solutions to complex mathematical problems within seconds, allowing me to provide exact solutions to the student in a timely manner.
• I have impeccable handwriting and a high-quality mobile scanner app that allows me to scan written solutions in very legible high-definition JPG, PNG, or PDF formats.

MY CONTACT INFO:

• Email: [info@hiraedu](mailto:info@hiraedu). com
• WhatsApp: +1 (213) 594-5657
• Call: +1 727 456 9641
• Important: Please contact me via text or call to get the fastest response possible. I don't check Reddit Messenger very often.

I AM A BORN & RAISED UNITED STATES CITIZEN:

• Unlike some tutors advertising on Reddit, I am a native-born and raised American citizen with an authentic natural U.S. American accent.
• I am half Irish, half Italian, but 100% American.
• I have received a complete American education from an NJ Elementary School, an NJ middle school, an NJ high school, and 2 NJ universities.

I ALWAYS ACCEPT CALLS:

• I have no problem speaking with potential clients on the phone.
• I have an authentic suburban upper-middle-class American accent, similar to the actor: Ben Stein.
• However, be wary of so-called “tutors” who refuse to accept any phone calls or have a strict “text / email only” policy.
• These “text-only” / “email-only” tutors are usually located outside the U.S. and are afraid their foreign accent will expose their true nationality.

I WRITE LIKE A PROFESSIONAL:

• Approximately 98% of the time, I write all my texts & emails in grammatically correct U.S. English with proper punctuation and occasional typo.
• Unlike some alleged “U.S.-based tutors,” I do NOT write using broken English or grammatically incorrect texting shorthand (example: "wut u need help wit??").
• I write my ad in proper American English, the same way I always text and email people.
• I can guide students on formatting & writing term papers, essays, and discussion posts in APA MLA Chicago Harvard format.
• If the tutor you’re checking out consistently writes using egregiously horrendous grammar, do you honestly think it’s a good idea to trust them to help you do well in your class?

I SPEAK LIKE A GENTLEMAN:

• I have absolutely no reservations with allowing interested students the opportunity to analyze & assess my intonations & inflections my erudite diction my unique vocabulary & word choice suburban upper-middle-class American accent my tone & pitch my articulation to get a better idea of the way I present myself.

I HAVE A UNIQUE VOICEMAIL GREETING:

• If you call my phone number and I don't pick up the phone in time, my voicemail recording will play.
• I recorded my voicemail message in my own voice introducing myself as Jim O'Hara and explaining my services.
• A professional tutor running a serious business should have a unique voicemail greeting regarding their services.

I’M POLITE & WELL-MANNERED:

• I consider myself to be a very well-mannered and polite person.
• I always try to speak & text in a clean proper matter without using any obscenities or R-rated language.
• Please be wary of anyone using inappropriate R-rated language (example: f-bombs, C U Next Tuesday, sh*t).
• A professional tutor should carry themselves with dignity and class.

MY AVAILABILITY & RELIABILITY:

• Depending on my availability, I can accommodate immediate tutoring requests, 1-24 hour, and 1-30-day deadlines.
• I can schedule live real-time online sessions and meet deadlines in an impressively timely fashion.
• I can provide quick notifications and updates of progress made in the student's class via email text phone calls.
• I can also be available to tutor students for Fall 2021 Spring 2022 Summer 2022 semesters.

MY EDUCATIONAL SOFTWARE OF EXPERTISE:

• I am very knowledgeable and well-versed in a wide range of educational software to tutor students in including but not limited to: Acellus ALEKS APEX Learning Aplia Blackboard Brightspace Canvas Cengage CengageNow Connect ConnectMath Connexus CPM D2L Discord Edmentum Eviews Examity Excel Hawkes Learning Honorlock Khan Academy Knewton LimeSpring Lumen Maple MasteringChemistry MasteringPhysics MathXL (XL) MATLAB McGraw-Hill Microsoft Word Minitab Moodle MyAccountingLab MyEconLab MyITLab MyLab My Lab MyMathLab My Math Lab MyOpenMath MyPsychLab MySocLab MyStatLab My Stat Lab NCSS Open Source Software Pearson PERT PlatoWeb PowerPoint Prezi R Respondus Lockdown Browser with Webcam Sapling SPSS Stata StraighterLine Straighter Line WebAssign Web Assign Webex (Cisco) WebWork Wiley WileyPlus Wonderlic Zoom

SCHOOLS FROM WHICH I'VE HELPED STUDENTS IN :
As of 2021, I have tutored and helped students enrolled at the following U.S. universities community colleges county & city colleges schools for-profit institutions listed below in alphabetical order:

• A - C: American Public University System (APUS) Arizona State Ashford Brigham Young Brown Broward California State (Fullerton) Capella Chamberlain (Illinois) Colorado Technical Columbia Columbia Southern Cornell
• D - K: Dallas College Dartmouth DeVry Excelsior College Florida International Florida State Full Sail Georgia State Grand Canyon Harvard Houston Community College Ivy Tech Community College Kaplan Kennesaw State Kent State
• L - T: Liberty Lone Star College System Kaplan Miami Dade Michigan State CUNY State University of New York (SUNY) Northern Virginia Ohio State University of Phoenix (UOP) Penn State Princeton Purdue (Davenport) San Diego State San Francisco State San Jose State Southern New Hampshire Southern Nevada Stanford St. Petersburg Strayer Texas Tech
• UNIVERSITY OF: Alabama Arizona California (UC) Central Florida Chicago Cincinnati Florida Houston Illinois (Urbana-Champaign) Iowa Maryland Minnesota Michigan North Texas Pennsylvania Southern Florida Texas Toronto
• U - Z: UCLA Extension Utah State Utah Valley Valencia Walden U Wake Technical Western Governors Wilmington Yale

I OFFER FLEXIBLE PAYMENT PLANS:

• I offer several unique payment plans, including a weekly plan, a discounted monthly plan, a discounted half-now / half-later plan, and highly discounted up-front rates.
• I can accept the following payment methods for my services: PayPal Debit Cards Square Cash Credit Cards Cash App Venmo.
• Only people located in North America have access to Venmo Cash App Zelle.
• This is an excellent way to determine if the person you're dealing with is from the United States.
• Within reason, I offer a partial or full money-Back guarantee if the student is very unsatisfied with my academic services.

TUTORING AVAILABLE FOR OTHER SUBJECTS:

• For other subjects, you can reach out to me, and I can connect you with one of my tutoring partners who can provide general academic assistance for the following subjects:
• Art & Design: Art History Design Film Studies
• Business: Accounting (Acc) Biz Courses Business Administration (Biz Admn) Business Calculus Business Law Business Statistics Corporate Finance Economics (Econ) Finance (Fin) Financial Accounting Intermediate Accounting Intermediate Microeconomics (Micro) Macroeconomics (Macro) Management (Mgmt) Managerial Accounting Marketing MBA
• Computer Science: C C++ Computer Programming (Comp) Java Python R (Introduction & Intermediate Level Only)
• Humanities: Communications (Comm) English Literature Essay & Term Paper Writing, Editing, Proofreading Essays History Papers Philosophy (Phil) Religious Studies Theology (Theo)
• Mathematics: A.P. Calculus AB & BC Psychology Statistics AP Statistics Bio statistics Calculus I (1) Calculus II (2) Calculus III (3) College Algebra Differential Equations Discrete Math Finite Math Functions General Math Geometry Liberal Arts Math Linear Algebra Multi-variable Calculus Partial Differential Equations Precalculus Probability Quantitative Reasoning Real Analysis Statistics Trigonometry (Trig) Vector Calculus
• Science & Medicine: Anatomy & Physiology (A & P) Biochemistry Biology (Bio) Biostatistics Earth Science Environmental Science General Chemistry (Chem) Healthcare Medicine Nursing Nutrition Organic Chemistry Physics (Phys)
• Social Sciences: Anthropology Economics (Econ) Geology Law & Justice Liberal Arts Liberal Studies Political Science Psychology Sociology

THE OBLIGATORY "IS THIS A SCAM?" QUESTION:
Considering the fact that you found my contact information online, it’s understandable to be skeptical regarding the legitimacy of my services. Therefore, I’m willing to do all of the following to help you feel more secure in trusting me with your academic needs:

• 1) Speak with you on the phone and answer any questions you may have so that you have the opportunity to assess and analyze my tone, articulation, accent, diction, dialect, regionalisms, pitch, vocabulary, word choice, intonations, and inflections.
• NOTE: I’m a New Jersey-born Irish/Italian-American, but I have been told that I speak in an erudite & articulate suburban American accent with a “professor style” voice somewhat resembling the voice of actor: Ben Stein.
• 2) Agree to do some homework questions of yours upfront with the work fully shown in real-time to prove my mastery of the course content.
• 3) Send you screenshots of at least five past scores I attained from completing exams & homework assignments for other students in the same type of class you need help with.
• 4) Send you full screenshots of written exam solutions I wrote up by hand for students in the past in the same course that you need help with so that you can see my neat handwriting.
• 5) Provide you with the contact information of students who have utilized my services in the past who would be more than willing to vouch for my skills.

MY REBUTTAL TO THE OBLIGATORY “IS THIS A SCAM?” QUESTION:
At the risk of sounding arrogant, I consider myself to be at least marginally more intelligent (both academically & socially) than the average person. Therefore, if I ever decided to suddenly risk prison time, risk my reputation, and risk enduring the wrath of modern-day “cancel culture” by scamming people out of their money:

• I certainly wouldn’t do it for such paltry amounts of money. (i.e., anything less than $1,000 per victim.)
• I certainly wouldn’t choose high school & college students as my “target audience” to scam, considering that most people without college degrees have abysmally low annual incomes. Why choose low-income victims when it would be much more profitable to target high-income, high-net-worth individuals earning at least six figures a year? I have knowledge in business consulting, and I promise you that a business owner would be a MUCH more lucrative mark than a low-income college student.
• I wouldn’t choose such a time & energy-draining method of scamming people. Also, communicating back and forth with potential clients is an absurdly long time sink since only less than 10% of all potential clients who reach out to me actually become paying clients of mine. This means that 90% of my time communicating with potential clients ultimately proves to be a colossal waste of my irretrievable time & energy.
• If you pay me to provide academic services and I don’t deliver, you can always dispute the payment with the payment app and easily get your money refunded. If I were in the habit of swindling money from people, then all of my payment accounts would have been investigated and be completely shut down by now. And I would have been permanently banned from opening new accounts. Therefore, the fact that all my payment apps have been fully active for years should be sufficient proof that I haven’t had people consistently disputing payments sent to me.

HOW TO CONTACT ME:

• If you are interested in my services and would like to learn more info, please feel free to reach out to me.
• Text messages and email are the fastest and easiest ways to get in touch with me. However, I gladly accept phone calls.
• If I don't respond right away, I am most likely helping a student at the time and not currently available to speak on the phone. But I always make a solid effort to reply to texts, emails, and phone calls within an hour.
• I take my work as a tutor very seriously, and I always aim to do my best to help my students excel in school. I have a solid and sincere passion for academic achievement, and with my help, I am positive that I can help students obtain very high grades with minimal stress and effort.
• Please feel free to contact me if you're interested in my services and would like to learn more. I'm available 24/7 via phone call, email, and text. Again, thank you for taking the time to read my Reddit tutoring ad, and I hope to hear from you soon!

OCT 2021 UPDATE: I am currently offering discount deals for requests for assistance with completing a student's entire course for the Fall 2021 semester (14 - 20 week courses acceptable), as well as discounts for students seeking help with multiple exams and/or multiple classes for Fall 2021. My availability for the Autumn 2021 / Fall 2021 semester will likely become limited very quickly as I receive more and more academic requests. Therefore it would be very advantageous to reach out to me for academic assistance before my schedule becomes too full.
MY CONTACT INFO:

• Email: [info@hiraedu](mailto:info@hiraedu). com
• WhatsApp: +1 (213) 594-5657
• Call: +1 727 456 9641
• Important: Please contact me via text or call to get the fastest response possible. I don't check Reddit Messenger very often.

IMPORTANT: When reaching out, please try to include the following information in the initial text message or email so that I can have all the important details necessary to determine the rate for my services:

• Name You Prefer to Be Called
• Name of the Class You Need Help With
• Type of Assessment Help Needed: (Entire Course, Exams Only, HW Assignment, Essay, etc.)

MY CONTACT INFO:

• Email: [info@hiraedu](mailto:info@hiraedu). com
• WhatsApp: +1 (213) 594-5657
• Call: +1 727 456 9641
• Important: Please contact me via text or call to get the fastest response possible. I don't check Reddit Messenger very often.

ASSESSMENTS I CAN COMPLETE:

• Online Courses (1 - 20 Weeks Long)
• Homework Assignments
• Exams Quizzes Tests
• Excel Projects
• Discussion Forum Posts
• Research Papers Term Papers Essays
• Employment Assessments

MY MATH SUBJECTS OF EXPERTISE:
I am very knowledgeable and proficient in assisting students in a wide range of mathematics classes. I can help students complete their homework assignments and other projects get an A on quizzes, tests, and exams (including proctored assessments) answer online discussion posts write essays & papers in MLA APA Chicago format and provide general overall academic help in each math course listed below:

• Advanced Placement Honors High School Level Math
• AP Calculus AB A.P. Calculus BC
• AP Statistics
• Biostatistics Bio-Statistics
• College Algebra Intermediate Algebra
• Business Calculus
• Business Statistics
• Business Math
• Calculus I Calculus II Calculus III (Calc)
• Geometry
• International Baccalaureate (IB) Maths
• Liberal Arts Math
• Logic & Reasoning
• Multivariable Calculus Multi variable Calculus
• Precalculus Pre-calculus
• Probability & Statistics
• Psychology Statistics Psych Stats
• Quantitative Reasoning Quantitative Methods Quantitative Literacy (Quant)
• Statistics (Stats)
• Statistics for Social Sciences
• Trigonometry (Trig)

STATISTICS HELP (MY BEST SUBJECT):

• I have a master's degree in Applied Statistics from a university in New Jersey, USA. As a result, I am very proficient in helping students with various types of Statistics courses including Biostatistics Business Statistics Elementary Statistics Probability & Statistics Psychology Statistics.
• I have extensive knowledge and skill with helping students get through various statistical concepts including all of the following in alphabetical order:
• ANOVA Bar Graph, Boxplot, Dot Plot, Histogram, Pie Chart Bias Binomial, Exponential, Poisson, Gamma, Uniform Distribution Central Limit Theorem Chi-Square Test Coefficient of Determination (R^2) Conditional & Relative Probability Confidence Interval Correlation Coefficient (r) Critical Region Critical Value Descriptive & Inferential Statistics Effect Size Expected Value Experiment vs Observation Goodness of Fit Test Hypothesis Testing Interpolation & Extrapolation Interquartile Range (IQR) Kurtosis Left, Negative, Right, Positive Skewed Distribution Logistic Regression Mean, Median, Mode, Midrange Multiple Regression Nominal, Ordinal, Interval, Ratio I Population Parameter Normal, Symmetric & Bell Shaped Distribution Null & Alternate Hypothesis One & Two Sample T-Test One & Two Sample Z-Test Ordinary Least Squares Outliers P-Value Pooled Variance (Equal Variances) Proportion R^2 Range Regression Regression Line Reject & Fail to Reject Ho Relative & Cumulative Frequency Distributions Relativity & Reliability Right, Left, One, Two Tailed Tailed Hypothesis Test Sample Statistics Sampling Methods (Convenience, Stratified, Simple, Cluster, Systematic) Significance Level (1%, 5%, 10%) Skewness Standard Deviation& Variance T-Score Test Statistic Time Series Type I & Type II Errors Unbiased Estimators Z-Score

ALGEBRA HELP:

• I am well-versed in helping students do well in Algebra 1 & 2 College Algebra Intermediate Algebra Pre-Algebra and I am very knowledgeable and proficient in the following algebra topics in alphabetical order:
• Absolute Values Circle Equation Domain Exponents Graphing Horizontal & Vertical Asymptotes Inequalities, Equations & Functions Inverse Functions Linear, Exponential, Logarithmic, Quadratic Equations Logarithms Maximum & Minimum Values of a Graph Number Lines One-to-One Functions Parallel & Perpendicular Lines Plotting Points & Ordered Pairs Point-Slope Form Polynomial Division Polynomials Radicals Range Rational & Irrational Expressions Rational Functions Real Roots Real Zeros Relations & Functions Slope Slope-Intercept Form Square Roots Standard Form of a Line System of Equations System of Inequalities Variables X and Y Intercepts

CALCULUS HELP:

• I am well-versed in helping students do well in Calculus I, II & III, Calculus 1, 2 & 3, Business Calculus, Multivariable Calculus, Vector Calculus and I am very knowledgeable and proficient in the following calculus topics in alphabetical order:
• Absolute & Local Maximum and Minimum Antiderivative Area & Volume Chain Rule Concavity Continuity Convergence Test Critical Points Curvature Curve of Rotation Curve Sketching Derivatives Divergence Test First & Second Derivative Test Fourier Series Implicit Differentiation Increasing / Decreasing Functions Infinite Series Integrals Integration by Parts Jacobian Matrix Limits L’Hopital’s Rule Maclaurin Series Mean Value Theorem Partial Derivative Product & Quotient Rule Reiman Sum Related Rates Simpson’s Rule Solid of Revolution Substitution Rule Taylor Series

ATTRIBUTES THAT SET ME APART FROM OTHER TUTORS:

• I firmly believe that I have many attributes and skills that set me apart from other tutors. Below is a list of qualities that makes me an ideal fit to help you master your coursework:

I CAN AID STUDENTS TAKING PROCTORED ASSESSMENTS:

• Proficient in CollegeBoard AP Calculus AB, AP Calculus BC & AP Statistics exams.
• Skilled with International Baccalaureate Math Exams: IB Maths HL & IB Maths SL
• Can intentionally answer a few problems incorrectly at the student's request.
• Can text solutions to the student while they are taking a proctored exam.
• Upon request, can purposely obtain grades below an A (ex: B+, B, C+, C-).
• I can stretch out the time to a plausible length for timed exams and assignments before submitting them.
• Have reliable software that can change my IP address to match the closest major city near the student.
• I have exceptional multiple-choice exam-taking skills. I have mastered the various techniques to make calculated guesses for the correct option in standardized exams such as the SAT & GRE.

I CAN VERIFY MY ACADEMIC KNOWLEDGE & SKILLS:

• I have no problem with requests to solve sample problems upfront to prove my knowledge & proficiency of the course concepts.
• I can provide glowing references & strong examples of work done for past clients to verify my academic skills.
• I can also provide, upon request, complete detailed calculations with explanations for solutions to the problems worked on.
• I am quite skilled and adept in using multiple modernized educational platforms and software, including but not limited to: Brightspace MyStatLab D2L WebAssign Canvas MyMathLab Blackboard ALEKS
• Can format term papers and discussion posts in APA MLA Harvard Chicago Vancouver OSCOLA IEEE format.

I HAVE PAID ACCESS TO OVER 15 STUDY-HELP WEBSITES AND MATHEMATICAL SOFTWARE:

• I have multiple paid subscriptions to a wide range of academic tutoring resources, including Chegg, Quizlet, CourseHero, Brainly, Grammarly, Bartleby, Slader, Transtutors, Slideshare, StudocU, Turnitin, Academia, SymboLab, WolframAlpha, and Scribd to help guide to solve exam & homework questions that I may not immediately know.
• However, I am smart enough not to blatantly plagiarize solutions online but instead write them in my own unique words, formatting, & mathematical terminology.
• I have access to a very sophisticated graphing calculator and various mathematical software that provides step-by-step solutions to complex mathematical problems within seconds, allowing me to provide exact solutions to the student in a timely manner.
• I have impeccable handwriting and a high-quality mobile scanner app that allows me to scan written solutions in very legible high-definition JPG, PNG, or PDF formats.

MY CONTACT INFO:

• Email: [info@hiraedu](mailto:info@hiraedu). com
• WhatsApp: +1 (213) 594-5657
• Call: +1 727 456 9641
• Important: Please contact me via text or call to get the fastest response possible. I don't check Reddit Messenger very often.

I AM A BORN & RAISED UNITED STATES CITIZEN:

• Unlike some tutors advertising on Reddit, I am a native-born and raised American citizen with an authentic natural U.S. American accent.
• I am half Irish, half Italian, but 100% American.
• I have received a complete American education from an NJ Elementary School, an NJ middle school, an NJ high school, and 2 NJ universities.

I ALWAYS ACCEPT CALLS:

• I have no problem speaking with potential clients on the phone.
• I have an authentic suburban upper-middle-class American accent, similar to the actor: Ben Stein.
• However, be wary of so-called “tutors” who refuse to accept any phone calls or have a strict “text / email only” policy.
• These “text-only” / “email-only” tutors are usually located outside the U.S. and are afraid their foreign accent will expose their true nationality.

I WRITE LIKE A PROFESSIONAL:

• Approximately 98% of the time, I write all my texts & emails in grammatically correct U.S. English with proper punctuation and occasional typo.
• Unlike some alleged “U.S.-based tutors,” I do NOT write using broken English or grammatically incorrect texting shorthand (example: "wut u need help wit??").
• I write my ad in proper American English, the same way I always text and email people.
• I can guide students on formatting & writing term papers, essays, and discussion posts in APA MLA Chicago Harvard format.
• If the tutor you’re checking out consistently writes using egregiously horrendous grammar, do you honestly think it’s a good idea to trust them to help you do well in your class?

I SPEAK LIKE A GENTLEMAN:

• I have absolutely no reservations with allowing interested students the opportunity to analyze & assess my intonations & inflections my erudite diction my unique vocabulary & word choice suburban upper-middle-class American accent my tone & pitch my articulation to get a better idea of the way I present myself.

I HAVE A UNIQUE VOICEMAIL GREETING:

• If you call my phone number and I don't pick up the phone in time, my voicemail recording will play.
• I recorded my voicemail message in my own voice introducing myself as Jim O'Hara and explaining my services.
• A professional tutor running a serious business should have a unique voicemail greeting regarding their services.

I’M POLITE & WELL-MANNERED:

• I consider myself to be a very well-mannered and polite person.
• I always try to speak & text in a clean proper matter without using any obscenities or R-rated language.
• Please be wary of anyone using inappropriate R-rated language (example: f-bombs, C U Next Tuesday, sh*t).
• A professional tutor should carry themselves with dignity and class.

MY AVAILABILITY & RELIABILITY:

• Depending on my availability, I can accommodate immediate tutoring requests, 1-24 hour, and 1-30-day deadlines.
• I can schedule live real-time online sessions and meet deadlines in an impressively timely fashion.
• I can provide quick notifications and updates of progress made in the student's class via email text phone calls.
• I can also be available to tutor students for Fall 2021 Spring 2022 Summer 2022 semesters.

MY EDUCATIONAL SOFTWARE OF EXPERTISE:

• I am very knowledgeable and well-versed in a wide range of educational software to tutor students in including but not limited to: Acellus ALEKS APEX Learning Aplia Blackboard Brightspace Canvas Cengage CengageNow Connect ConnectMath Connexus CPM D2L Discord Edmentum Eviews Examity Excel Hawkes Learning Honorlock Khan Academy Knewton LimeSpring Lumen Maple MasteringChemistry MasteringPhysics MathXL (XL) MATLAB McGraw-Hill Microsoft Word Minitab Moodle MyAccountingLab MyEconLab MyITLab MyLab My Lab MyMathLab My Math Lab MyOpenMath MyPsychLab MySocLab MyStatLab My Stat Lab NCSS Open Source Software Pearson PERT PlatoWeb PowerPoint Prezi R Respondus Lockdown Browser with Webcam Sapling SPSS Stata StraighterLine Straighter Line WebAssign Web Assign Webex (Cisco) WebWork Wiley WileyPlus Wonderlic Zoom

SCHOOLS FROM WHICH I'VE HELPED STUDENTS IN :
As of 2021, I have tutored and helped students enrolled at the following U.S. universities community colleges county & city colleges schools for-profit institutions listed below in alphabetical order:

• A - C: American Public University System (APUS) Arizona State Ashford Brigham Young Brown Broward California State (Fullerton) Capella Chamberlain (Illinois) Colorado Technical Columbia Columbia Southern Cornell
• D - K: Dallas College Dartmouth DeVry Excelsior College Florida International Florida State Full Sail Georgia State Grand Canyon Harvard Houston Community College Ivy Tech Community College Kaplan Kennesaw State Kent State
• L - T: Liberty Lone Star College System Kaplan Miami Dade Michigan State CUNY State University of New York (SUNY) Northern Virginia Ohio State University of Phoenix (UOP) Penn State Princeton Purdue (Davenport) San Diego State San Francisco State San Jose State Southern New Hampshire Southern Nevada Stanford St. Petersburg Strayer Texas Tech
• UNIVERSITY OF: Alabama Arizona California (UC) Central Florida Chicago Cincinnati Florida Houston Illinois (Urbana-Champaign) Iowa Maryland Minnesota Michigan North Texas Pennsylvania Southern Florida Texas Toronto
• U - Z: UCLA Extension Utah State Utah Valley Valencia Walden U Wake Technical Western Governors Wilmington Yale

I OFFER FLEXIBLE PAYMENT PLANS:

• I offer several unique payment plans, including a weekly plan, a discounted monthly plan, a discounted half-now / half-later plan, and highly discounted up-front rates.
• I can accept the following payment methods for my services: PayPal Debit Cards Square Cash Credit Cards Cash App Venmo.
• Only people located in North America have access to Venmo Cash App Zelle.
• This is an excellent way to determine if the person you're dealing with is from the United States.
• Within reason, I offer a partial or full money-Back guarantee if the student is very unsatisfied with my academic services.

TUTORING AVAILABLE FOR OTHER SUBJECTS:

• For other subjects, you can reach out to me, and I can connect you with one of my tutoring partners who can provide general academic assistance for the following subjects:
• Art & Design: Art History Design Film Studies
• Business: Accounting (Acc) Biz Courses Business Administration (Biz Admn) Business Calculus Business Law Business Statistics Corporate Finance Economics (Econ) Finance (Fin) Financial Accounting Intermediate Accounting Intermediate Microeconomics (Micro) Macroeconomics (Macro) Management (Mgmt) Managerial Accounting Marketing MBA
• Computer Science: C C++ Computer Programming (Comp) Java Python R (Introduction & Intermediate Level Only)
• Humanities: Communications (Comm) English Literature Essay & Term Paper Writing, Editing, Proofreading Essays History Papers Philosophy (Phil) Religious Studies Theology (Theo)
• Mathematics: A.P. Calculus AB & BC Psychology Statistics AP Statistics Bio statistics Calculus I (1) Calculus II (2) Calculus III (3) College Algebra Differential Equations Discrete Math Finite Math Functions General Math Geometry Liberal Arts Math Linear Algebra Multi-variable Calculus Partial Differential Equations Precalculus Probability Quantitative Reasoning Real Analysis Statistics Trigonometry (Trig) Vector Calculus
• Science & Medicine: Anatomy & Physiology (A & P) Biochemistry Biology (Bio) Biostatistics Earth Science Environmental Science General Chemistry (Chem) Healthcare Medicine Nursing Nutrition Organic Chemistry Physics (Phys)
• Social Sciences: Anthropology Economics (Econ) Geology Law & Justice Liberal Arts Liberal Studies Political Science Psychology Sociology

THE OBLIGATORY "IS THIS A SCAM?" QUESTION:
Considering the fact that you found my contact information online, it’s understandable to be skeptical regarding the legitimacy of my services. Therefore, I’m willing to do all of the following to help you feel more secure in trusting me with your academic needs:

• 1) Speak with you on the phone and answer any questions you may have so that you have the opportunity to assess and analyze my tone, articulation, accent, diction, dialect, regionalisms, pitch, vocabulary, word choice, intonations, and inflections.
• NOTE: I’m a New Jersey-born Irish/Italian-American, but I have been told that I speak in an erudite & articulate suburban American accent with a “professor style” voice somewhat resembling the voice of actor: Ben Stein.
• 2) Agree to do some homework questions of yours upfront with the work fully shown in real-time to prove my mastery of the course content.
• 3) Send you screenshots of at least five past scores I attained from completing exams & homework assignments for other students in the same type of class you need help with.
• 4) Send you full screenshots of written exam solutions I wrote up by hand for students in the past in the same course that you need help with so that you can see my neat handwriting.
• 5) Provide you with the contact information of students who have utilized my services in the past who would be more than willing to vouch for my skills.

MY REBUTTAL TO THE OBLIGATORY “IS THIS A SCAM?” QUESTION:
At the risk of sounding arrogant, I consider myself to be at least marginally more intelligent (both academically & socially) than the average person. Therefore, if I ever decided to suddenly risk prison time, risk my reputation, and risk enduring the wrath of modern-day “cancel culture” by scamming people out of their money:

• I certainly wouldn’t do it for such paltry amounts of money. (i.e., anything less than $1,000 per victim.)
• I certainly wouldn’t choose high school & college students as my “target audience” to scam, considering that most people without college degrees have abysmally low annual incomes. Why choose low-income victims when it would be much more profitable to target high-income, high-net-worth individuals earning at least six figures a year? I have knowledge in business consulting, and I promise you that a business owner would be a MUCH more lucrative mark than a low-income college student.
• I wouldn’t choose such a time & energy-draining method of scamming people. Also, communicating back and forth with potential clients is an absurdly long time sink since only less than 10% of all potential clients who reach out to me actually become paying clients of mine. This means that 90% of my time communicating with potential clients ultimately proves to be a colossal waste of my irretrievable time & energy.
• If you pay me to provide academic services and I don’t deliver, you can always dispute the payment with the payment app and easily get your money refunded. If I were in the habit of swindling money from people, then all of my payment accounts would have been investigated and be completely shut down by now. And I would have been permanently banned from opening new accounts. Therefore, the fact that all my payment apps have been fully active for years should be sufficient proof that I haven’t had people consistently disputing payments sent to me.

HOW TO CONTACT ME:

• If you are interested in my services and would like to learn more info, please feel free to reach out to me.
• Text messages and email are the fastest and easiest ways to get in touch with me. However, I gladly accept phone calls.
• If I don't respond right away, I am most likely helping a student at the time and not currently available to speak on the phone. But I always make a solid effort to reply to texts, emails, and phone calls within an hour.
• I take my work as a tutor very seriously, and I always aim to do my best to help my students excel in school. I have a solid and sincere passion for academic achievement, and with my help, I am positive that I can help students obtain very high grades with minimal stress and effort.
• Please feel free to contact me if you're interested in my services and would like to learn more. I'm available 24/7 via phone call, email, and text. Again, thank you for taking the time to read my Reddit tutoring ad, and I hope to hear from you soon!

OCT 2021 UPDATE: I am currently offering discount deals for requests for assistance with completing a student's entire course for the Fall 2021 semester (14 - 20 week courses acceptable), as well as discounts for students seeking help with multiple exams and/or multiple classes for Fall 2021. My availability for the Autumn 2021 / Fall 2021 semester will likely become limited very quickly as I receive more and more academic requests. Therefore it would be very advantageous to reach out to me for academic assistance before my schedule becomes too full.
MY CONTACT INFO:

• Email: [info@hiraedu](mailto:info@hiraedu). com
• WhatsApp: +1 (213) 594-5657
• Call: +1 727 456 9641
• Important: Please contact me via text or call to get the fastest response possible. I don't check Reddit Messenger very often.

IMPORTANT: When reaching out, please try to include the following information in the initial text message or email so that I can have all the important details necessary to determine the rate for my services:

• Name You Prefer to Be Called
• Name of the Class You Need Help With
• Type of Assessment Help Needed: (Entire Course, Exams Only, HW Assignment, Essay, etc.)

MY CONTACT INFO:

• Email: info@hiraedu. com
• WhatsApp: +1 (213) 594-5657
• Call: +1 727 456 9641
• Important: Please contact me via text or call to get the fastest response possible. I don't check Reddit Messenger very often.

ASSESSMENTS I CAN COMPLETE:

• Online Courses (1 - 20 Weeks Long)
• Homework Assignments
• Exams Quizzes Tests
• Excel Projects
• Discussion Forum Posts
• Research Papers Term Papers Essays
• Employment Assessments

MY MATH SUBJECTS OF EXPERTISE:
I am very knowledgeable and proficient in assisting students in a wide range of mathematics classes. I can help students complete their homework assignments and other projects get an A on quizzes, tests, and exams (including proctored assessments) answer online discussion posts write essays & papers in MLA APA Chicago format and provide general overall academic help in each math course listed below:

• Advanced Placement Honors High School Level Math
• AP Calculus AB A.P. Calculus BC
• AP Statistics
• Biostatistics Bio-Statistics
• College Algebra Intermediate Algebra
• Business Calculus
• Business Statistics
• Business Math
• Calculus I Calculus II Calculus III (Calc)
• Geometry
• International Baccalaureate (IB) Maths
• Liberal Arts Math
• Logic & Reasoning
• Multivariable Calculus Multi variable Calculus
• Precalculus Pre-calculus
• Probability & Statistics
• Psychology Statistics Psych Stats
• Quantitative Reasoning Quantitative Methods Quantitative Literacy (Quant)
• Statistics (Stats)
• Statistics for Social Sciences
• Trigonometry (Trig)

STATISTICS HELP (MY BEST SUBJECT):

• I have a master's degree in Applied Statistics from a university in New Jersey, USA. As a result, I am very proficient in helping students with various types of Statistics courses including Biostatistics Business Statistics Elementary Statistics Probability & Statistics Psychology Statistics.
• I have extensive knowledge and skill with helping students get through various statistical concepts including all of the following in alphabetical order:
• ANOVA Bar Graph, Boxplot, Dot Plot, Histogram, Pie Chart Bias Binomial, Exponential, Poisson, Gamma, Uniform Distribution Central Limit Theorem Chi-Square Test Coefficient of Determination (R^2) Conditional & Relative Probability Confidence Interval Correlation Coefficient (r) Critical Region Critical Value Descriptive & Inferential Statistics Effect Size Expected Value Experiment vs Observation Goodness of Fit Test Hypothesis Testing Interpolation & Extrapolation Interquartile Range (IQR) Kurtosis Left, Negative, Right, Positive Skewed Distribution Logistic Regression Mean, Median, Mode, Midrange Multiple Regression Nominal, Ordinal, Interval, Ratio I Population Parameter Normal, Symmetric & Bell Shaped Distribution Null & Alternate Hypothesis One & Two Sample T-Test One & Two Sample Z-Test Ordinary Least Squares Outliers P-Value Pooled Variance (Equal Variances) Proportion R^2 Range Regression Regression Line Reject & Fail to Reject Ho Relative & Cumulative Frequency Distributions Relativity & Reliability Right, Left, One, Two Tailed Tailed Hypothesis Test Sample Statistics Sampling Methods (Convenience, Stratified, Simple, Cluster, Systematic) Significance Level (1%, 5%, 10%) Skewness Standard Deviation& Variance T-Score Test Statistic Time Series Type I & Type II Errors Unbiased Estimators Z-Score

ALGEBRA HELP:

• I am well-versed in helping students do well in Algebra 1 & 2 College Algebra Intermediate Algebra Pre-Algebra and I am very knowledgeable and proficient in the following algebra topics in alphabetical order:
• Absolute Values Circle Equation Domain Exponents Graphing Horizontal & Vertical Asymptotes Inequalities, Equations & Functions Inverse Functions Linear, Exponential, Logarithmic, Quadratic Equations Logarithms Maximum & Minimum Values of a Graph Number Lines One-to-One Functions Parallel & Perpendicular Lines Plotting Points & Ordered Pairs Point-Slope Form Polynomial Division Polynomials Radicals Range Rational & Irrational Expressions Rational Functions Real Roots Real Zeros Relations & Functions Slope Slope-Intercept Form Square Roots Standard Form of a Line System of Equations System of Inequalities Variables X and Y Intercepts

CALCULUS HELP:

• I am well-versed in helping students do well in Calculus I, II & III, Calculus 1, 2 & 3, Business Calculus, Multivariable Calculus, Vector Calculus and I am very knowledgeable and proficient in the following calculus topics in alphabetical order:
• Absolute & Local Maximum and Minimum Antiderivative Area & Volume Chain Rule Concavity Continuity Convergence Test Critical Points Curvature Curve of Rotation Curve Sketching Derivatives Divergence Test First & Second Derivative Test Fourier Series Implicit Differentiation Increasing / Decreasing Functions Infinite Series Integrals Integration by Parts Jacobian Matrix Limits L’Hopital’s Rule Maclaurin Series Mean Value Theorem Partial Derivative Product & Quotient Rule Reiman Sum Related Rates Simpson’s Rule Solid of Revolution Substitution Rule Taylor Series

ATTRIBUTES THAT SET ME APART FROM OTHER TUTORS:

• I firmly believe that I have many attributes and skills that set me apart from other tutors. Below is a list of qualities that makes me an ideal fit to help you master your coursework:

I CAN AID STUDENTS TAKING PROCTORED ASSESSMENTS:

• Proficient in CollegeBoard AP Calculus AB, AP Calculus BC & AP Statistics exams.
• Skilled with International Baccalaureate Math Exams: IB Maths HL & IB Maths SL
• Can intentionally answer a few problems incorrectly at the student's request.
• Can text solutions to the student while they are taking a proctored exam.
• Upon request, can purposely obtain grades below an A (ex: B+, B, C+, C-).
• I can stretch out the time to a plausible length for timed exams and assignments before submitting them.
• Have reliable software that can change my IP address to match the closest major city near the student.
• I have exceptional multiple-choice exam-taking skills. I have mastered the various techniques to make calculated guesses for the correct option in standardized exams such as the SAT & GRE.

I CAN VERIFY MY ACADEMIC KNOWLEDGE & SKILLS:

• I have no problem with requests to solve sample problems upfront to prove my knowledge & proficiency of the course concepts.
• I can provide glowing references & strong examples of work done for past clients to verify my academic skills.
• I can also provide, upon request, complete detailed calculations with explanations for solutions to the problems worked on.
• I am quite skilled and adept in using multiple modernized educational platforms and software, including but not limited to: Brightspace MyStatLab D2L WebAssign Canvas MyMathLab Blackboard ALEKS
• Can format term papers and discussion posts in APA MLA Harvard Chicago Vancouver OSCOLA IEEE format.

I HAVE PAID ACCESS TO OVER 15 STUDY-HELP WEBSITES AND MATHEMATICAL SOFTWARE:

• I have multiple paid subscriptions to a wide range of academic tutoring resources, including Chegg, Quizlet, CourseHero, Brainly, Grammarly, Bartleby, Slader, Transtutors, Slideshare, StudocU, Turnitin, Academia, SymboLab, WolframAlpha, and Scribd to help guide to solve exam & homework questions that I may not immediately know.
• However, I am smart enough not to blatantly plagiarize solutions online but instead write them in my own unique words, formatting, & mathematical terminology.
• I have access to a very sophisticated graphing calculator and various mathematical software that provides step-by-step solutions to complex mathematical problems within seconds, allowing me to provide exact solutions to the student in a timely manner.
• I have impeccable handwriting and a high-quality mobile scanner app that allows me to scan written solutions in very legible high-definition JPG, PNG, or PDF formats.

MY CONTACT INFO:

• Email: info@hiraedu. com
• WhatsApp: +1 (213) 594-5657
• Call: +1 727 456 9641
• Important: Please contact me via text or call to get the fastest response possible. I don't check Reddit Messenger very often.

I AM A BORN & RAISED UNITED STATES CITIZEN:

• Unlike some tutors advertising on Reddit, I am a native-born and raised American citizen with an authentic natural U.S. American accent.
• I am half Irish, half Italian, but 100% American.
• I have received a complete American education from an NJ Elementary School, an NJ middle school, an NJ high school, and 2 NJ universities.

I ALWAYS ACCEPT CALLS:

• I have no problem speaking with potential clients on the phone.
• I have an authentic suburban upper-middle-class American accent, similar to the actor: Ben Stein.
• However, be wary of so-called “tutors” who refuse to accept any phone calls or have a strict “text / email only” policy.
• These “text-only” / “email-only” tutors are usually located outside the U.S. and are afraid their foreign accent will expose their true nationality.

I WRITE LIKE A PROFESSIONAL:

• Approximately 98% of the time, I write all my texts & emails in grammatically correct U.S. English with proper punctuation and occasional typo.
• Unlike some alleged “U.S.-based tutors,” I do NOT write using broken English or grammatically incorrect texting shorthand (example: "wut u need help wit??").
• I write my ad in proper American English, the same way I always text and email people.
• I can guide students on formatting & writing term papers, essays, and discussion posts in APA MLA Chicago Harvard format.
• If the tutor you’re checking out consistently writes using egregiously horrendous grammar, do you honestly think it’s a good idea to trust them to help you do well in your class?

I SPEAK LIKE A GENTLEMAN:

• I have absolutely no reservations with allowing interested students the opportunity to analyze & assess my intonations & inflections my erudite diction my unique vocabulary & word choice suburban upper-middle-class American accent my tone & pitch my articulation to get a better idea of the way I present myself.

I HAVE A UNIQUE VOICEMAIL GREETING:

• If you call my phone number and I don't pick up the phone in time, my voicemail recording will play.
• I recorded my voicemail message in my own voice introducing myself as Jim O'Hara and explaining my services.
• A professional tutor running a serious business should have a unique voicemail greeting regarding their services.

I’M POLITE & WELL-MANNERED:

• I consider myself to be a very well-mannered and polite person.
• I always try to speak & text in a clean proper matter without using any obscenities or R-rated language.
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Summary: A young college student is excited to enjoy his first power hour with this roommates to horrifying results.
My Last Power Hour
I haven't thought about this in awhile but it's coming back to me now like it was yesterday. I think they call it “set and setting” or “state dependent memory”. I don't remember exactly I guess I don't have to anymore.
It was two years ago and I was a sophomore in undergrad at a state university in the Midwest. It was the proverbial ivory tower, a land of oz, an urban oasis amid a sea of corn. It was a Friday night some early in Fall Semester either late August or early September. I remember my flooded sinuses and raw eyes vividly as a sign we were downwind of harvesting.
I knew why I wasn't taking my allergy medicine tonight. I sat maniacally mashing my xbox controller beside my HALO brother in arms and roommate Kevin while our second roommate Pete illegally bought tonight's booze from whoever he said he knew could get us some. I wasn't much of a drinker, in fact I only had a couple of beers in my entire life up to that point and all since starting undergrad. I was kind of straight edge kid in high school and I justified drinking now as a breaking point, a landmark of sorts between my cringe high school years and my new maturing college years.
I supported in this endeavor by my high school friend Kevin. Pete on the other hand was a rando from the dorm Kevin and I lived in during freshman year and through the close quarters and mutual interest in HALO and poker, we decided it would be cheaper to split a four bedroom apartment 3 ways rather than two. Kevin and I were childhood friends since peewee soccer. Pete on the other hand, was a bit more, uh, let's say rustic, oh hell, a bit more redneck but seemed to take well to the college life or a form of it. He had kind of become our immoral compass.
Kevin and I were in the midst of losing a round of team death-match online when Pete came bursting through our door hauling a case of beer and a large brown paper bag of clinking bottles and the telltale squeak of foil snack bags. He was a woodland camouflage blur as he stormed purposefully between Kevin and my line of sight to the video game. “Power Hour, bitchesssssssssssss!”
Kevin, with his red side burns jutting around his Chicago Bears baseball hat, reacted to Pete's overt rudeness by rolling his eyes. I shot back the opposite: a bright smile, a burst of boy on Christmas morning enthusiasm and wonder at the prospect of getting really messed up doing a power hour. With that I flew to the kitchen table where Pete stood unpacking goodies.
“Hey, Kevin,” Pete shouted, “Go get your CD player and speakers.” I watched Kevin dutifully obey, duck into his room before hauling out a portable CD player, two brick sized speakers tangling in a mess of their own wiring.
Pete patiently unpacked a thirty case of Coors marked with camouflage and blaze orange. “Jay, count them out, seven a piece. I'll get the shot glasses from my room.”. I blew my nose and counted the chilled cans and placed them within reach across the table. Pete swung out of his bedroom with shot glasses but snapped his fingers and retreated back.
“Hey man, you know, you don't have to do the whole thing.” Kevin said untangling the sound system and a DC adapter.
“What do you mean? Of course I'm going to do it.”
“I'm just saying you're kinda going from zero to sixty pretty damn fast.”
“Oh, right, you're the expert all of the sudden on drinking.”
“Well, I drank in high school and you didn't.”
“They called you chuck 'ems because of your barfing at Jessica Z's birthday party.”
“Right, that's actually sort of my point. I don't do that anymore, I did that because I drank too much without wading into it.”
“I'm sure this is going to be fine.”
“Well, whatever man, I'm just saying don't let Pete bully you into continuing if you're not up for it. I'll support you in that.”
Pete thundered into the room singing something in choir pig latin that I vaguely remember from Monty Python and Holy Grail when they carried out the holy hand grenade. Pressed between his finger tips was a CD jewel case containing a gold re writable disk scribbled with black sharpie “ultimate power hour”.
“So, what exactly are the rules?”
“Silence!” Pete declared as he popped the disk into the CD player. “I'll let the mix do the talking.”
So there we were packed around a circular table in a dingy dimly lit poorly furnished campus apartment with barely painted blotchy drywall ready to kickoff our weekend. The first track crackled to life with fake static and the muffled and occasionally squeaky voice echoing a 1950's educational film reel but with shades of Rod Sterling. “Gentlemen in opposite alphabetical order indicate this quarter's beer master – he is responsible for refilling your beer once per track for the first fifteen tracks. If there are fewer than four of you, simply rotate back to the first or alternate per quarter. Each track is timed for one minute and each player must consume their shot of beer within that one minute period. Each quarter consists of fifteen drinks with a 1 minute pause at the end of the first and third quarters. There will be a five minute half time and shot of liquor.” Pete rummaged displayed an unopened bottle of black labeled whiskey, “A shot at the end is also mandatory. Each person will be permitted 1 five minute time out per game. By the end of the this roughly sixty nine minute game, assuming no timeouts, you gentlemen will be well on your way to a blissful gentlemanly state perfect charming that sweetheart on your wonderful night off. This track will end in five, four, three, two, one.”
“Immigrant Song” by Led Zeppelin blasted through the speakers like a nuclear bomb as I enthusiastically dropped the first once and half of gold down my throat. I gagged a little as I was not accustom to doing shots much less shots of carbonation. I was left with this inoffensive sweet bready taste that slowly turned slightly more irritating and metallic. The only way to get rid of that taste was probably to drink more and I wouldn't have to wait long.
“What's with this old stuff?” Kevin objected to the first track as he cleared his mouth.
“It's got something for everyone.” Pete declared as he splashed around,
Something for everyone indeed but I do not for the life of me remember all sixty tracks and I'll probably get a few wrong as I relay the course of this experience to you.
A minute elapsed and then the intro to Pulp Fiction had me slamming another pour of beer. Recounting all of this now seems kind of dumb I guess I can skip the next twenty eight minutes and let you know I think “Sweet Escape” by Gwen Steffani wrapped half time. None of us had used their time outs. I was feeling it and was kind of besides myself in a swamp of gilded pleasure. I was jarred back to the table by the lack of music to get lost in.
“How you doing there Jay? You gonna puke?” Pete flicked my shoulder hard. I blinked and focused in. I realized Kevin was down the hall in the bathroom. “We're half way through, man. You're doing it!”
“I'm doing it” I mouthed back as I noticed I was losing my ability to control my vocal features with precision. I tried to take my mind off of it by wishfully thinking about what we would be doing after this, where would we go and with whom.
“We should go down to that event down at the Student Union. Show the straight edge kids what they're missing and then maybe hit up Rocko's Cellar.”
In the moment where my thoughts were heavy I was instinctively reactive against the Student Union. “Maybe just go to the Rocko's.”
“Oh, because you know Sydney is going to be there and you don't want her to see you drunk off your ass.” Kevin chimed in with a surly tone from the hallway.
Yup, Kevin was right, that was the underlying reason. I had an undergrad crush on Sydney Cole, a beautiful sleak blonde woman apparently from Nebraska.
“Well, you know its goddamn sensible to not, you know, go to an undergrad thing like that piss ass drunk off a power hour. I'm good to go to Rocko's though.” I explained.
The silent track started to pick up and the coy sickly sweet vibe of “Tubthumping” filled the air. Peter pushed fresh shot glasses brimming with caramel colored whiskey at us. There wasn't a lot of room in my gut but I was okay with this and as the song started to fade we took the shot and as the liquor burn started to linger I was looking forward to another shot of smooth tasty beer as “Down with the sickness” started to play.
I don't remember the last song on the playlist. I remember Pete flicked my ear and then pointed down at my shot while smiling at me. Everything felt like I was wearing a soaking wet wool jacket and a plastic bag over my head. I took the shot without thinking and about half of the burning yet numbing liquid dribbled out of my mouth. Pete clapped his hands and announced he was leading us out to Rocko's. Kevin shrugged and then shook his head violently before nodding. I garbled something to effect I needed to go to the bathroom then with all the grace of walking through a foot of water with inverted buckets strapped to my feet I waded down the dark hallway occasionally bracing myself against the walls.
I wasn't going to throw up. I knew that about myself. I wasn't going to throw up. At least I thought I knew myself. The alcohol was not playing nice with my allergies. I needed some cool water on my face. I shut my eyes hard and blew out my nose in effort to clear some snot and restore equilibrium. I turned on the faucet and I knocked Kevin's contact holder into the sink. I finally felt something pop back into place in my head and sinuses as a stream of snot left my nostrils into the sink.
“Ah crap!” I let out a garbled yell as dunked both hands into the sink to fish out the contact case from the torrent of my snot. My hands dove in and it didn't feel like water nor like snot. It felt sort of rubbery almost like gelatin. I opened my eyes and found my vision had been impaired and distorted, almost like after you rub your eyes really hard and see the dark blotches but this was narrow tunnel with the blotches around the edges and skewed colors. I couldn't really make out much around the sink. I blinked a few times to try to clear my vision but to no avail and that's when I turned my head down and saw what was in the sink.
I nearly leapt back in fright as I saw my eyes, and the flesh of my nose, and my lips floating on of the water in front of the faucet. They were staring back me from the sink for a panicked count of three before they cartoonishly swirled together like a runny egg flushed down the drain with a slurping noise. I gripped the sink with both hands as I mustered the courage to look at myself in the mirror. It was impossible I told myself. What I saw was impossible. In my limited vision I could make out skin covered indentations over my eye sockets, a flat patch of flesh where my nose had been, and my lips were replaced with a small dark hole barely wide enough to fit a pencil.
I shook and held my breath as my hands confirmed what the blotchy after image of missing eyes saw in the mirror. What was worse is my skin felt gelatinous, sweaty, and infirm, like ice cream warming on the counter. I shuttered and fell back against the wall with a painful thud. I heard Kevin and Pete laugh in the kitchen.
Okay, I told myself I must just be going a little nuts. How could I still see, afterall, if I had no eyes? I tested a hypothesis by smelling some soap and I was discouraged by the fact I couldn't smell the Tropical Waterfall scented liquid. I gulped and knew I at least still had a tongue and I could still hear myself make sounds which could loosely be interpreted as words. Mixed results I thought, maybe I could clear my head by casually leaving this nightmare bathroom and checking with my roommates.
I opened the door and made it half down the hall when Kevin casually headed my way cradling a bag of chips. The mushy look on his face lit up and his mouth erupted with a spray of chip crumbles before he literally fell on his back and did his best backward crawling Sarah Conner spots a Terminator impression. He chokes then starts screaming. Then the horror of it all hit me and the next thing I know I'm back in the bathroom with my back laying against the door. My head quaked as I came to grips with the fact this was real. This was really happening and somehow it was getting worse by second.
“It has no face!” I could hear Kevin screaming at Pete.
“Wasn't Jay in there? Where is he?”
“I don't maybe that thing got him!”
I could hear them right outside the bathroom. Pete started yelling for me but I didn't dare yell back. They turned the door handle but I had it locked and they both started pounding their fists on the door.
“Dude...what are we going to do? Who are we going call? The police, hello, police, there's a faceless monster in our bathroom?” Kevin murmured during a lull in their attempts to break in. “How did it even get in here?”
“I don't know man! Let me think!”
“Maybe it climbed up the side of the building and into the window.”
I could hear them pacing back and forth around the door.
“Get a spoon or fork or something okay, there's a little slot and tab in the door handle that will unlock it.”
“And then what? We don't want that thing in here with us.”
“I'm getting my baseball bat.”
I knew I had to get out and going through the apartment was no longer an option. It was only a second floor apartment and the window overlooked the trash and utility area for the complex. My vision was becoming more and more impaired as I braced myself leaning out the window to see if jumping or climbing down was out of the question. I could just barely make out the outline of an abandoned brown couch near a gutter and cable shaft running down to the ground within my reach out of the window.
I heard them jiggling the flatware into the little hole for the lock release and my drunk ass reasoned this was my only out. I punched out the screen and lifted the window as high as it could go and in a single move thrusted my ass out over the ledge turned and grabbed the metal bits that held the gutter and utility cable to the brick siding. I seemed to be a stable but painful place to grip but I had no choice to swing my footing on it as the bathroom door swung open.
My footing slipped and I dangled down one rung when Pete charged his head out of the window with the bat. In the overhead shine of the nearby street lamp his eyes met my featureless face and he gasped in terror. I slipped again and lost both footings and my hands gave way against the pain of the sharp narrow grip. I must have dropped a good eight or nine feet onto that old ratty, smelly, and wet couch.
I was shocked and I groaned but the soggy cushions and my own intoxication seemed to break my fall rather than me. The moment after I realized I was intact I bolted from my block because the last yelling I heard from Pete and Kevin indicated they intended to chase me down. I wasn't thing but graceful and agile as I swerved with wobbly footfalls across the sidewalk. Glare from the street lamps and passing headlights was almost blinding as eyesight continued to fail. To my dismay my ears started to fell wet inside like they were melting and occasionally my hearing was completely overwhelmed by a loud draining sound.
I veered off of the sidewalk and away from the road and ran through gravel planters to keep bushes between myself and possible onlookers who might also violently confront me. I was winded as sucking air through a tiny hole in my face was more like breathing through a gas mask or wet socks.
Ahead was the first thing I recognized in a bit. It was the five story student union building. Despite the event Sydney was attending, the Union was a quiet, unpopulated and dark place to be on a Friday night. The Union also housed the student clinic.
In my head I pictured the doors as grand white rectangles but all I could see now were dark green blotchy oblong outlines on a black and purple surface. I believed I was coming in the back corner of the building where I may give a security camera operator a fright if he looked closely enough but otherwise I believed no one would be near. I remember myself contemplating heading straight for the clinic or hiding out in one of the empty study rooms and waiting this condition out.
Despite the occasional draining sound in my ears I was able to make out Pete and Kevin's winded voices somewhere behind me. My plans went out the window as I ran scared through the wide halls of the Union with my roommates still in pursuit. My luck was running out as I tried multiple study room doors and found them locked, in fact an entire wing, the wing with the student clinic was closed off by an overhead chain link divider. I was a rat in a maze running out of places to run.
I pushed through the first door I found open and froze. There were dozens, maybe hundreds of people in this room. I realized immediately I had stumbled into the event Sydney was involved in. My hearing had steadily degraded to where everything sounded like I had my head dunked in an aquarium but I could still make out someone talking about the sponsor of the event – Students for a Sober Society.
“Oh my god!” I recognized the voice as Sydney. She blindsided me, “That is such a great costume! I love the spandex work over the head! That is hardcore.”
I garbled something back to her. I tried begging her for help but she kept fawning over my costume.
“I've never would have expected someone to be so committed to the cause of sobriety – you're literally an anti-drinking icon. You drank your face off!”
There was a whirlwind of activity as she turned more and more heads and attention my way. Someone came in with something in their hand. Sydney wrapped her arm around my shoulder while I heard someone's flip phone make a fake shutter snap sound.
I backpedaled out of Sydney's embrace and out of the room. I wasn't going to find the help I needed. I was shattered that I had won, for a moment, my crush's attention but had no way of knowing if she recognized me as anything more than a false mascot for the dangers of drinking. I plunged around to the other side of the Union when Pete and Kevin spotted me from the hall. I fell though the doors leading to the Square – the large grassy area at the heart of the campus.
At this point everything was totally fading out. My ears felt like they had been filled with concrete and whatever after image of having eyes I had was almost gone. I ran my hands across the bushes lining the square and weaved between the paths and the open grass hoping to continue to evade my roommates and anyone else. I had a map of campus in my head and there was only one other place I felt I could hide and be safe for now.
The street lamps on the Square seemed to brighten significantly all of the sudden. I wondered if campus security was now after me or maybe after Pete because the last time I saw his outline he was still wielding a baseball bat. I was running, as loosely defined, on rest of my adrenaline and the booze to Underground Library.
I knew it locked automatically late at night, would be poorly attended if not deserted,, and had plenty of places to hide. I pushed into the door and headed down the stairs, about thirty feet down and then ducked into the bathroom. I locked myself in a stall and sprawled out on the tile floor. I think I started to cry as the last bit of tactile sensation fled my body. If I had lips I suppose I would have kissed my ass goodbye as last outlines of things blurred into the rest of the deep black.
The next thing I knew I was that I was being poked painfully in the back. I instinctively rolled over and felt an immediate wash of stiffness and pain wash over me. I gasped and groaned but despite the pain I felt a rush of euphoria that I could feel and I feel my mouth unzip and make noise again.
“Another damn drunk kid.” Someone said over me. I could hear again! I willed my newly found eyelids open with the same force I'd open rip open a bag of chips. I blinked a few times and an older grizzled face of the janitor came into full color and full focus.
“My face!” I shouted as I curled myself up to bring my felt under me. My head felt heavy and pulsed and quaked with an unspeakable pain. As I lurched to stand, I felt like I had a manhole cover stuck in my stomach. “What happened to my face?”
“Why don't you check the mirror, kid.” The janitor withdrew his mop stick and let me walk out to the sinks. In the mirror I could someone or something had drawn in black marker on my face the phrase “Gone Drinkin'”.
I shambled home rubbing my head and my stomach. I bewildered by the hangover as I tried to retrace my steps. I walked through the door of my apartment and found Pete and Kevin passed out on the floor and couch respectively with beers spilled on the floor and the bat beside Pete. When finally woke up they wondered where I had been but I told them I left to go to Rocko's. They didn't seem to question it. When I asked them about the bat, they looked at each other and replied by saying they were just goofing around. We never spoke of that evening again.
A few days past and I wondered if I had dreamed this all up or maybe I was just incredibly drunk and had imagined some of it. The only proof I had was a blurred phone camera image of my faceless “costume” printed in the weekly student newspaper in an article about the Students for a Sober Society event. The whole response to my appearance only deepened my terror that something so strange and devastating could occur and no one bats an eye. We are instinctively driven to some banal explanation and go our own way in the face, pun intended, of true strangeness, of things truly unexplained, of things that make no sense.
Needless to say I did not drink again and I tried my hardest to put that night out of my head. The only reason I'm typing all this up and putting this out there is that tonight is my graduation night and it was the closest I've come to drinking since that night. Pete, Kevin, and Sydney are at this frat house celebrating our final night on campus and I've taken shelter in their small makeshift computer lab. Before I ended up here I wondered in a daze with a full solo cup in hand through the entire yard, the pool area, and the house as “Frank Sinatra” by Cake blared over me. There are dozens of people without faces here.
By Theo Plesha

Summary: A young college student is excited to enjoy his first power hour with this roommates to horrifying results.
My Last Power Hour
I haven't thought about this in awhile but it's coming back to me now like it was yesterday. I think they call it “set and setting” or “state dependent memory”. I don't remember exactly I guess I don't have to anymore.
It was two years ago and I was a sophomore in undergrad at a state university in the Midwest. It was the proverbial ivory tower, a land of oz, an urban oasis amid a sea of corn. It was a Friday night some early in Fall Semester either late August or early September. I remember my flooded sinuses and raw eyes vividly as a sign we were downwind of harvesting.
I knew why I wasn't taking my allergy medicine tonight. I sat maniacally mashing my xbox controller beside my HALO brother in arms and roommate Kevin while our second roommate Pete illegally bought tonight's booze from whoever he said he knew could get us some. I wasn't much of a drinker, in fact I only had a couple of beers in my entire life up to that point and all since starting undergrad. I was kind of straight edge kid in high school and I justified drinking now as a breaking point, a landmark of sorts between my cringe high school years and my new maturing college years.
I supported in this endeavor by my high school friend Kevin. Pete on the other hand was a rando from the dorm Kevin and I lived in during freshman year and through the close quarters and mutual interest in HALO and poker, we decided it would be cheaper to split a four bedroom apartment 3 ways rather than two. Kevin and I were childhood friends since peewee soccer. Pete on the other hand, was a bit more, uh, let's say rustic, oh hell, a bit more redneck but seemed to take well to the college life or a form of it. He had kind of become our immoral compass.
Kevin and I were in the midst of losing a round of team death-match online when Pete came bursting through our door hauling a case of beer and a large brown paper bag of clinking bottles and the telltale squeak of foil snack bags. He was a woodland camouflage blur as he stormed purposefully between Kevin and my line of sight to the video game. “Power Hour, bitchesssssssssssss!”
Kevin, with his red side burns jutting around his Chicago Bears baseball hat, reacted to Pete's overt rudeness by rolling his eyes. I shot back the opposite: a bright smile, a burst of boy on Christmas morning enthusiasm and wonder at the prospect of getting really messed up doing a power hour. With that I flew to the kitchen table where Pete stood unpacking goodies.
“Hey, Kevin,” Pete shouted, “Go get your CD player and speakers.” I watched Kevin dutifully obey, duck into his room before hauling out a portable CD player, two brick sized speakers tangling in a mess of their own wiring.
Pete patiently unpacked a thirty case of Coors marked with camouflage and blaze orange. “Jay, count them out, seven a piece. I'll get the shot glasses from my room.”. I blew my nose and counted the chilled cans and placed them within reach across the table. Pete swung out of his bedroom with shot glasses but snapped his fingers and retreated back.
“Hey man, you know, you don't have to do the whole thing.” Kevin said untangling the sound system and a DC adapter.
“What do you mean? Of course I'm going to do it.”
“I'm just saying you're kinda going from zero to sixty pretty damn fast.”
“Oh, right, you're the expert all of the sudden on drinking.”
“Well, I drank in high school and you didn't.”
“They called you chuck 'ems because of your barfing at Jessica Z's birthday party.”
“Right, that's actually sort of my point. I don't do that anymore, I did that because I drank too much without wading into it.”
“I'm sure this is going to be fine.”
“Well, whatever man, I'm just saying don't let Pete bully you into continuing if you're not up for it. I'll support you in that.”
Pete thundered into the room singing something in choir pig latin that I vaguely remember from Monty Python and Holy Grail when they carried out the holy hand grenade. Pressed between his finger tips was a CD jewel case containing a gold re writable disk scribbled with black sharpie “ultimate power hour”.
“So, what exactly are the rules?”
“Silence!” Pete declared as he popped the disk into the CD player. “I'll let the mix do the talking.”
So there we were packed around a circular table in a dingy dimly lit poorly furnished campus apartment with barely painted blotchy drywall ready to kickoff our weekend. The first track crackled to life with fake static and the muffled and occasionally squeaky voice echoing a 1950's educational film reel but with shades of Rod Sterling. “Gentlemen in opposite alphabetical order indicate this quarter's beer master – he is responsible for refilling your beer once per track for the first fifteen tracks. If there are fewer than four of you, simply rotate back to the first or alternate per quarter. Each track is timed for one minute and each player must consume their shot of beer within that one minute period. Each quarter consists of fifteen drinks with a 1 minute pause at the end of the first and third quarters. There will be a five minute half time and shot of liquor.” Pete rummaged displayed an unopened bottle of black labeled whiskey, “A shot at the end is also mandatory. Each person will be permitted 1 five minute time out per game. By the end of the this roughly sixty nine minute game, assuming no timeouts, you gentlemen will be well on your way to a blissful gentlemanly state perfect charming that sweetheart on your wonderful night off. This track will end in five, four, three, two, one.”
“Immigrant Song” by Led Zeppelin blasted through the speakers like a nuclear bomb as I enthusiastically dropped the first once and half of gold down my throat. I gagged a little as I was not accustom to doing shots much less shots of carbonation. I was left with this inoffensive sweet bready taste that slowly turned slightly more irritating and metallic. The only way to get rid of that taste was probably to drink more and I wouldn't have to wait long.
“What's with this old stuff?” Kevin objected to the first track as he cleared his mouth.
“It's got something for everyone.” Pete declared as he splashed around,
Something for everyone indeed but I do not for the life of me remember all sixty tracks and I'll probably get a few wrong as I relay the course of this experience to you.
A minute elapsed and then the intro to Pulp Fiction had me slamming another pour of beer. Recounting all of this now seems kind of dumb I guess I can skip the next twenty eight minutes and let you know I think “Sweet Escape” by Gwen Steffani wrapped half time. None of us had used their time outs. I was feeling it and was kind of besides myself in a swamp of gilded pleasure. I was jarred back to the table by the lack of music to get lost in.
“How you doing there Jay? You gonna puke?” Pete flicked my shoulder hard. I blinked and focused in. I realized Kevin was down the hall in the bathroom. “We're half way through, man. You're doing it!”
“I'm doing it” I mouthed back as I noticed I was losing my ability to control my vocal features with precision. I tried to take my mind off of it by wishfully thinking about what we would be doing after this, where would we go and with whom.
“We should go down to that event down at the Student Union. Show the straight edge kids what they're missing and then maybe hit up Rocko's Cellar.”
In the moment where my thoughts were heavy I was instinctively reactive against the Student Union. “Maybe just go to the Rocko's.”
“Oh, because you know Sydney is going to be there and you don't want her to see you drunk off your ass.” Kevin chimed in with a surly tone from the hallway.
Yup, Kevin was right, that was the underlying reason. I had an undergrad crush on Sydney Cole, a beautiful sleak blonde woman apparently from Nebraska.
“Well, you know its goddamn sensible to not, you know, go to an undergrad thing like that piss ass drunk off a power hour. I'm good to go to Rocko's though.” I explained.
The silent track started to pick up and the coy sickly sweet vibe of “Tubthumping” filled the air. Peter pushed fresh shot glasses brimming with caramel colored whiskey at us. There wasn't a lot of room in my gut but I was okay with this and as the song started to fade we took the shot and as the liquor burn started to linger I was looking forward to another shot of smooth tasty beer as “Down with the sickness” started to play.
I don't remember the last song on the playlist. I remember Pete flicked my ear and then pointed down at my shot while smiling at me. Everything felt like I was wearing a soaking wet wool jacket and a plastic bag over my head. I took the shot without thinking and about half of the burning yet numbing liquid dribbled out of my mouth. Pete clapped his hands and announced he was leading us out to Rocko's. Kevin shrugged and then shook his head violently before nodding. I garbled something to effect I needed to go to the bathroom then with all the grace of walking through a foot of water with inverted buckets strapped to my feet I waded down the dark hallway occasionally bracing myself against the walls.
I wasn't going to throw up. I knew that about myself. I wasn't going to throw up. At least I thought I knew myself. The alcohol was not playing nice with my allergies. I needed some cool water on my face. I shut my eyes hard and blew out my nose in effort to clear some snot and restore equilibrium. I turned on the faucet and I knocked Kevin's contact holder into the sink. I finally felt something pop back into place in my head and sinuses as a stream of snot left my nostrils into the sink.
“Ah crap!” I let out a garbled yell as dunked both hands into the sink to fish out the contact case from the torrent of my snot. My hands dove in and it didn't feel like water nor like snot. It felt sort of rubbery almost like gelatin. I opened my eyes and found my vision had been impaired and distorted, almost like after you rub your eyes really hard and see the dark blotches but this was narrow tunnel with the blotches around the edges and skewed colors. I couldn't really make out much around the sink. I blinked a few times to try to clear my vision but to no avail and that's when I turned my head down and saw what was in the sink.
I nearly leapt back in fright as I saw my eyes, and the flesh of my nose, and my lips floating on of the water in front of the faucet. They were staring back me from the sink for a panicked count of three before they cartoonishly swirled together like a runny egg flushed down the drain with a slurping noise. I gripped the sink with both hands as I mustered the courage to look at myself in the mirror. It was impossible I told myself. What I saw was impossible. In my limited vision I could make out skin covered indentations over my eye sockets, a flat patch of flesh where my nose had been, and my lips were replaced with a small dark hole barely wide enough to fit a pencil.
I shook and held my breath as my hands confirmed what the blotchy after image of missing eyes saw in the mirror. What was worse is my skin felt gelatinous, sweaty, and infirm, like ice cream warming on the counter. I shuttered and fell back against the wall with a painful thud. I heard Kevin and Pete laugh in the kitchen.
Okay, I told myself I must just be going a little nuts. How could I still see, afterall, if I had no eyes? I tested a hypothesis by smelling some soap and I was discouraged by the fact I couldn't smell the Tropical Waterfall scented liquid. I gulped and knew I at least still had a tongue and I could still hear myself make sounds which could loosely be interpreted as words. Mixed results I thought, maybe I could clear my head by casually leaving this nightmare bathroom and checking with my roommates.
I opened the door and made it half down the hall when Kevin casually headed my way cradling a bag of chips. The mushy look on his face lit up and his mouth erupted with a spray of chip crumbles before he literally fell on his back and did his best backward crawling Sarah Conner spots a Terminator impression. He chokes then starts screaming. Then the horror of it all hit me and the next thing I know I'm back in the bathroom with my back laying against the door. My head quaked as I came to grips with the fact this was real. This was really happening and somehow it was getting worse by second.
“It has no face!” I could hear Kevin screaming at Pete.
“Wasn't Jay in there? Where is he?”
“I don't maybe that thing got him!”
I could hear them right outside the bathroom. Pete started yelling for me but I didn't dare yell back. They turned the door handle but I had it locked and they both started pounding their fists on the door.
“Dude...what are we going to do? Who are we going call? The police, hello, police, there's a faceless monster in our bathroom?” Kevin murmured during a lull in their attempts to break in. “How did it even get in here?”
“I don't know man! Let me think!”
“Maybe it climbed up the side of the building and into the window.”
I could hear them pacing back and forth around the door.
“Get a spoon or fork or something okay, there's a little slot and tab in the door handle that will unlock it.”
“And then what? We don't want that thing in here with us.”
“I'm getting my baseball bat.”
I knew I had to get out and going through the apartment was no longer an option. It was only a second floor apartment and the window overlooked the trash and utility area for the complex. My vision was becoming more and more impaired as I braced myself leaning out the window to see if jumping or climbing down was out of the question. I could just barely make out the outline of an abandoned brown couch near a gutter and cable shaft running down to the ground within my reach out of the window.
I heard them jiggling the flatware into the little hole for the lock release and my drunk ass reasoned this was my only out. I punched out the screen and lifted the window as high as it could go and in a single move thrusted my ass out over the ledge turned and grabbed the metal bits that held the gutter and utility cable to the brick siding. I seemed to be a stable but painful place to grip but I had no choice to swing my footing on it as the bathroom door swung open.
My footing slipped and I dangled down one rung when Pete charged his head out of the window with the bat. In the overhead shine of the nearby street lamp his eyes met my featureless face and he gasped in terror. I slipped again and lost both footings and my hands gave way against the pain of the sharp narrow grip. I must have dropped a good eight or nine feet onto that old ratty, smelly, and wet couch.
I was shocked and I groaned but the soggy cushions and my own intoxication seemed to break my fall rather than me. The moment after I realized I was intact I bolted from my block because the last yelling I heard from Pete and Kevin indicated they intended to chase me down. I wasn't thing but graceful and agile as I swerved with wobbly footfalls across the sidewalk. Glare from the street lamps and passing headlights was almost blinding as eyesight continued to fail. To my dismay my ears started to fell wet inside like they were melting and occasionally my hearing was completely overwhelmed by a loud draining sound.
I veered off of the sidewalk and away from the road and ran through gravel planters to keep bushes between myself and possible onlookers who might also violently confront me. I was winded as sucking air through a tiny hole in my face was more like breathing through a gas mask or wet socks.
Ahead was the first thing I recognized in a bit. It was the five story student union building. Despite the event Sydney was attending, the Union was a quiet, unpopulated and dark place to be on a Friday night. The Union also housed the student clinic.
In my head I pictured the doors as grand white rectangles but all I could see now were dark green blotchy oblong outlines on a black and purple surface. I believed I was coming in the back corner of the building where I may give a security camera operator a fright if he looked closely enough but otherwise I believed no one would be near. I remember myself contemplating heading straight for the clinic or hiding out in one of the empty study rooms and waiting this condition out.
Despite the occasional draining sound in my ears I was able to make out Pete and Kevin's winded voices somewhere behind me. My plans went out the window as I ran scared through the wide halls of the Union with my roommates still in pursuit. My luck was running out as I tried multiple study room doors and found them locked, in fact an entire wing, the wing with the student clinic was closed off by an overhead chain link divider. I was a rat in a maze running out of places to run.
I pushed through the first door I found open and froze. There were dozens, maybe hundreds of people in this room. I realized immediately I had stumbled into the event Sydney was involved in. My hearing had steadily degraded to where everything sounded like I had my head dunked in an aquarium but I could still make out someone talking about the sponsor of the event – Students for a Sober Society.
“Oh my god!” I recognized the voice as Sydney. She blindsided me, “That is such a great costume! I love the spandex work over the head! That is hardcore.”
I garbled something back to her. I tried begging her for help but she kept fawning over my costume.
“I've never would have expected someone to be so committed to the cause of sobriety – you're literally an anti-drinking icon. You drank your face off!”
There was a whirlwind of activity as she turned more and more heads and attention my way. Someone came in with something in their hand. Sydney wrapped her arm around my shoulder while I heard someone's flip phone make a fake shutter snap sound.
I backpedaled out of Sydney's embrace and out of the room. I wasn't going to find the help I needed. I was shattered that I had won, for a moment, my crush's attention but had no way of knowing if she recognized me as anything more than a false mascot for the dangers of drinking. I plunged around to the other side of the Union when Pete and Kevin spotted me from the hall. I fell though the doors leading to the Square – the large grassy area at the heart of the campus.
At this point everything was totally fading out. My ears felt like they had been filled with concrete and whatever after image of having eyes I had was almost gone. I ran my hands across the bushes lining the square and weaved between the paths and the open grass hoping to continue to evade my roommates and anyone else. I had a map of campus in my head and there was only one other place I felt I could hide and be safe for now.
The street lamps on the Square seemed to brighten significantly all of the sudden. I wondered if campus security was now after me or maybe after Pete because the last time I saw his outline he was still wielding a baseball bat. I was running, as loosely defined, on rest of my adrenaline and the booze to Underground Library.
I knew it locked automatically late at night, would be poorly attended if not deserted,, and had plenty of places to hide. I pushed into the door and headed down the stairs, about thirty feet down and then ducked into the bathroom. I locked myself in a stall and sprawled out on the tile floor. I think I started to cry as the last bit of tactile sensation fled my body. If I had lips I suppose I would have kissed my ass goodbye as last outlines of things blurred into the rest of the deep black.
The next thing I knew I was that I was being poked painfully in the back. I instinctively rolled over and felt an immediate wash of stiffness and pain wash over me. I gasped and groaned but despite the pain I felt a rush of euphoria that I could feel and I feel my mouth unzip and make noise again.
“Another damn drunk kid.” Someone said over me. I could hear again! I willed my newly found eyelids open with the same force I'd open rip open a bag of chips. I blinked a few times and an older grizzled face of the janitor came into full color and full focus.
“My face!” I shouted as I curled myself up to bring my felt under me. My head felt heavy and pulsed and quaked with an unspeakable pain. As I lurched to stand, I felt like I had a manhole cover stuck in my stomach. “What happened to my face?”
“Why don't you check the mirror, kid.” The janitor withdrew his mop stick and let me walk out to the sinks. In the mirror I could someone or something had drawn in black marker on my face the phrase “Gone Drinkin'”.
I shambled home rubbing my head and my stomach. I bewildered by the hangover as I tried to retrace my steps. I walked through the door of my apartment and found Pete and Kevin passed out on the floor and couch respectively with beers spilled on the floor and the bat beside Pete. When finally woke up they wondered where I had been but I told them I left to go to Rocko's. They didn't seem to question it. When I asked them about the bat, they looked at each other and replied by saying they were just goofing around. We never spoke of that evening again.
A few days past and I wondered if I had dreamed this all up or maybe I was just incredibly drunk and had imagined some of it. The only proof I had was a blurred phone camera image of my faceless “costume” printed in the weekly student newspaper in an article about the Students for a Sober Society event. The whole response to my appearance only deepened my terror that something so strange and devastating could occur and no one bats an eye. We are instinctively driven to some banal explanation and go our own way in the face, pun intended, of true strangeness, of things truly unexplained, of things that make no sense.
Needless to say I did not drink again and I tried my hardest to put that night out of my head. The only reason I'm typing all this up and putting this out there is that tonight is my graduation night and it was the closest I've come to drinking since that night. Pete, Kevin, and Sydney are at this frat house celebrating our final night on campus and I've taken shelter in their small makeshift computer lab. Before I ended up here I wondered in a daze with a full solo cup in hand through the entire yard, the pool area, and the house as “Frank Sinatra” by Cake blared over me. There are dozens of people without faces here.
By Theo Plesha

Could someone help me identify my last enemy intel? I assume the enemies are in the same order for everyone (why they aren’t sortable by alphabet I’ll never know). With that said, my list has ??? In one single spot (also the final boss, but I know what that one is and was too desperate to assess).
So, if you page down three times, here is the ones I have and the missing one: Gigant bomb - Great Marlboro - Zu - ??? - Tonadu - Fonadu.
Can someone tell me what that ??? And what area it’s in? I have no other way to find out, I couldn’t find a list online. Even just the name should be enough to point me in the right direction. I’m guessing it’s in that bird family considering it’s surrounded on the list by other ones. But, this list barely has any rhyme or reason to the order.

Contact Details to get Help:
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ASSESSMENTS I CAN COMPLETE:

• Online Courses (1 - 20 Weeks Long)
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MY MATH SUBJECTS OF EXPERTISE:
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STATISTICS HELP (MY BEST SUBJECT):

• I have a master's degree in Applied Statistics from a university in New Jersey, USA. As a result, I am very proficient in helping students with various types of Statistics courses including Biostatistics Business Statistics Elementary Statistics Probability & Statistics Psychology Statistics.
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• ANOVA Bar Graph, Boxplot, Dot Plot, Histogram, Pie Chart Bias Binomial, Exponential, Poisson, Gamma, Uniform Distribution Central Limit Theorem Chi-Square Test Coefficient of Determination (R^2) Conditional & Relative Probability Confidence Interval Correlation Coefficient (r) Critical Region Critical Value Descriptive & Inferential Statistics Effect Size Expected Value Experiment vs Observation Goodness of Fit Test Hypothesis Testing Interpolation & Extrapolation Interquartile Range (IQR) Kurtosis Left, Negative, Right, Positive Skewed Distribution Logistic Regression Mean, Median, Mode, Midrange Multiple Regression Nominal, Ordinal, Interval, Ratio I Population Parameter Normal, Symmetric & Bell Shaped Distribution Null & Alternate Hypothesis One & Two Sample T-Test One & Two Sample Z-Test Ordinary Least Squares Outliers P-Value Pooled Variance (Equal Variances) Proportion R^2 Range Regression Regression Line Reject & Fail to Reject Ho Relative & Cumulative Frequency Distributions Relativity & Reliability Right, Left, One, Two Tailed Tailed Hypothesis Test Sample Statistics Sampling Methods (Convenience, Stratified, Simple, Cluster, Systematic) Significance Level (1%, 5%, 10%) Skewness Standard Deviation& Variance T-Score Test Statistic Time Series Type I & Type II Errors Unbiased Estimators Z-Score

ALGEBRA HELP:

• I am well-versed in helping students do well in Algebra 1 & 2 College Algebra Intermediate Algebra Pre-Algebra and I am very knowledgeable and proficient in the following algebra topics in alphabetical order:
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CALCULUS HELP:

• I am well-versed in helping students do well in Calculus I, II & III, Calculus 1, 2 & 3, Business Calculus, Multivariable Calculus, Vector Calculus and I am very knowledgeable and proficient in the following calculus topics in alphabetical order:
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• I firmly believe that I have many attributes and skills that set me apart from other tutors. Below is a list of qualities that makes me an ideal fit to help you master your coursework:

I CAN AID STUDENTS TAKING PROCTORED ASSESSMENTS:

• Proficient in CollegeBoard AP Calculus AB, AP Calculus BC & AP Statistics exams.
• Skilled with International Baccalaureate Math Exams: IB Maths HL & IB Maths SL
• Can intentionally answer a few problems incorrectly at the student's request.
• Can text solutions to the student while they are taking a proctored exam.
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PROOF OF MY EXPERTISE IN ACADEMIC WORK:

• Below is a link to my Google Drive folder, which contains a diverse assortment of the scores I have obtained on exams that I have recently completed for other students. The link also contains a folder containing the numerous awards that I attained throughout my college education.
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I HAVE PAID ACCESS TO OVER 15 STUDY-HELP WEBSITES AND MATHEMATICAL SOFTWARE:

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• Please be wary of anyone using inappropriate R-rated language (example: f-bombs, C U Next Tuesday, sh*t).
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• Depending on my availability, I can accommodate immediate tutoring requests, 1-24 hour, and 1-30-day deadlines.
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MY EDUCATIONAL SOFTWARE OF EXPERTISE:

• I am very knowledgeable and well-versed in a wide range of educational software to tutor students in including but not limited to: Acellus ALEKS APEX Learning Aplia Blackboard Brightspace Canvas Cengage CengageNow Connect ConnectMath Connexus CPM D2L Discord Edmentum Eviews Examity Excel Hawkes Learning Honorlock Khan Academy Knewton LimeSpring Lumen Maple MasteringChemistry MasteringPhysics MathXL (XL) MATLAB McGraw-Hill Microsoft Word Minitab Moodle MyAccountingLab MyEconLab MyITLab MyLab My Lab MyMathLab My Math Lab MyOpenMath MyPsychLab MySocLab MyStatLab My Stat Lab NCSS Open Source Software Pearson PERT PlatoWeb PowerPoint Prezi R Respondus Lockdown Browser with Webcam Sapling SPSS Stata StraighterLine Straighter Line WebAssign Web Assign Webex (Cisco) WebWork Wiley WileyPlus Wonderlic Zoom

SCHOOLS FROM WHICH I'VE HELPED STUDENTS IN :
As of 2021, I have tutored and helped students enrolled at the following U.S. universities community colleges county & city colleges schools for-profit institutions listed below in alphabetical order:

• A - C: American Public University System (APUS) Arizona State Ashford Brigham Young Brown Broward California State (Fullerton) Capella Chamberlain (Illinois) Colorado Technical Columbia Columbia Southern Cornell
• D - K: Dallas College Dartmouth DeVry Excelsior College Florida International Florida State Full Sail Georgia State Grand Canyon Harvard Houston Community College Ivy Tech Community College Kaplan Kennesaw State Kent State
• L - T: Liberty Lone Star College System Kaplan Miami Dade Michigan State CUNY State University of New York (SUNY) Northern Virginia Ohio State University of Phoenix (UOP) Penn State Princeton Purdue (Davenport) San Diego State San Francisco State San Jose State Southern New Hampshire Southern Nevada Stanford St. Petersburg Strayer Texas Tech
• UNIVERSITY OF: Alabama Arizona California (UC) Central Florida Chicago Cincinnati Florida Houston Illinois (Urbana-Champaign) Iowa Maryland Minnesota Michigan North Texas Pennsylvania Southern Florida Texas Toronto
• U - Z: UCLA Extension Utah State Utah Valley Valencia Walden U Wake Technical Western Governors Wilmington Yale

I OFFER FLEXIBLE PAYMENT PLANS:

• I offer several unique payment plans, including a weekly plan, a discounted monthly plan, a discounted half-now / half-later plan, and highly discounted up-front rates.
• I can accept the following payment methods for my services: PayPal Debit Cards Square Cash Credit Cards Cash App Venmo.
• Only people located in North America have access to Venmo Cash App Zelle.
• This is an excellent way to determine if the person you're dealing with is from the United States.
• Within reason, I offer a partial or full money-Back guarantee if the student is very unsatisfied with my academic services.

TUTORING AVAILABLE FOR OTHER SUBJECTS:

• For other subjects, you can reach out to me, and I can connect you with one of my tutoring partners who can provide general academic assistance for the following subjects:
• Art & Design: Art History Design Film Studies
• Business: Accounting (Acc) Biz Courses Business Administration (Biz Admn) Business Calculus Business Law Business Statistics Corporate Finance Economics (Econ) Finance (Fin) Financial Accounting Intermediate Accounting Intermediate Microeconomics (Micro) Macroeconomics (Macro) Management (Mgmt) Managerial Accounting Marketing MBA
• Computer Science: C C++ Computer Programming (Comp) Java Python R (Introduction & Intermediate Level Only)
• Humanities: Communications (Comm) English Literature Essay & Term Paper Writing, Editing, Proofreading Essays History Papers Philosophy (Phil) Religious Studies Theology (Theo)
• Mathematics: A.P. Calculus AB & BC Psychology Statistics AP Statistics Bio statistics Calculus I (1) Calculus II (2) Calculus III (3) College Algebra Differential Equations Discrete Math Finite Math Functions General Math Geometry Liberal Arts Math Linear Algebra Multi-variable Calculus Partial Differential Equations Precalculus Probability Quantitative Reasoning Real Analysis Statistics Trigonometry (Trig) Vector Calculus
• Science & Medicine: Anatomy & Physiology (A & P) Biochemistry Biology (Bio) Biostatistics Earth Science Environmental Science General Chemistry (Chem) Healthcare Medicine Nursing Nutrition Organic Chemistry Physics (Phys)
• Social Sciences: Anthropology Economics (Econ) Geology Law & Justice Liberal Arts Liberal Studies Political Science Psychology Sociology

THE OBLIGATORY "IS THIS A SCAM?" QUESTION:
Considering the fact that you found my contact information online, it’s understandable to be skeptical regarding the legitimacy of my services. Therefore, I’m willing to do all of the following to help you feel more secure in trusting me with your academic needs:

• 1) Speak with you on the phone and answer any questions you may have so that you have the opportunity to assess and analyze my tone, articulation, accent, diction, dialect, regionalisms, pitch, vocabulary, word choice, intonations, and inflections.
• NOTE: I’m a New Jersey-born Irish/Italian-American, but I have been told that I speak in an erudite & articulate suburban American accent with a “professor style” voice somewhat resembling the voice of actor: Ben Stein.
• 2) Agree to do some homework questions of yours upfront with the work fully shown in real-time to prove my mastery of the course content.
• 3) Send you screenshots of at least five past scores I attained from completing exams & homework assignments for other students in the same type of class you need help with.
• 4) Send you full screenshots of written exam solutions I wrote up by hand for students in the past in the same course that you need help with so that you can see my neat handwriting.
• 5) Provide you with the contact information of students who have utilized my services in the past who would be more than willing to vouch for my skills.

MY REBUTTAL TO THE OBLIGATORY “IS THIS A SCAM?” QUESTION:
At the risk of sounding arrogant, I consider myself to be at least marginally more intelligent (both academically & socially) than the average person. Therefore, if I ever decided to suddenly risk prison time, risk my reputation, and risk enduring the wrath of modern-day “cancel culture” by scamming people out of their money:

• I certainly wouldn’t do it for such paltry amounts of money. (i.e., anything less than $1,000 per victim.)
• I certainly wouldn’t choose high school & college students as my “target audience” to scam, considering that most people without college degrees have abysmally low annual incomes. Why choose low-income victims when it would be much more profitable to target high-income, high-net-worth individuals earning at least six figures a year? I have knowledge in business consulting, and I promise you that a business owner would be a MUCH more lucrative mark than a low-income college student.
• I wouldn’t choose such a time & energy-draining method of scamming people. Also, communicating back and forth with potential clients is an absurdly long time sink since only less than 10% of all potential clients who reach out to me actually become paying clients of mine. This means that 90% of my time communicating with potential clients ultimately proves to be a colossal waste of my irretrievable time & energy.
• If you pay me to provide academic services and I don’t deliver, you can always dispute the payment with the payment app and easily get your money refunded. If I were in the habit of swindling money from people, then all of my payment accounts would have been investigated and be completely shut down by now. And I would have been permanently banned from opening new accounts. Therefore, the fact that all my payment apps have been fully active for years should be sufficient proof that I haven’t had people consistently disputing payments sent to me.

HOW TO CONTACT ME:

• If you are interested in my services and would like to learn more info, please feel free to reach out to me.
• Text messages and email are the fastest and easiest ways to get in touch with me. However, I gladly accept phone calls.
• If I don't respond right away, I am most likely helping a student at the time and not currently available to speak on the phone. But I always make a solid effort to reply to texts, emails, and phone calls within an hour.

Contact Details to get Help:
WhatsApp: +1 (213) 594-5657
Call: +1 727 456 9641
Website: hiraedu. com
Email: info@hiraedu. com

Despite what SBZ partners told you so - last update is just such a blast. It would have been better if SBZ actually write the changes they made or keep a better track of their hard work, but still.
I am going to list the mods that I've been using, and that's still working with 1.1.3 version, for those who want to catch-up the mod scene.
If you have a negative thing to say, or a criticism for PAYDAY 3? Good for you, please keep it outside of this thread, there are hundreds of threads in this sub-reddit for that purposes. Thank you.
Before we start, please; ADD A LAUNCH OPTION TO THE GAME Depending which platform you install the game, this might be vary.
In Steam, you can find it by right-clicking into game, and pressing Properties. In Epic Games, you can find it by right-clicking into game, and pressing Manage.
From the window it's opened you can go into launch options and add -fileopenlog into the space.
And don't forget to; CREATE A MODS FOLDER Find where your PAYDAY 3 copy is installed. The location of this folder will vary depending on your installation preferences & storefront.
After downloading a mod, extract the contents/move the mod into PAYDAY3/Content/Paks/~mods. Create the folder if necessary.
UE4SS is not completely supported for PAYDAY 3, so I do NOT recommend it. But there is something I definitely recommend; DOWNLOAD THE LOGIC MOD LOADER This simple .pak file is requirement for some mods, and it's better if you keep it in your mod folder. Created by Narknon. Please, download it from here.
Inside of your mods folder, you can set as many folders as you desire - and you can change the name of the .pak mods, but I do not recommend it, you might break compatibility patches, load orders etc. So please, don't do this unless you know what are you doing.
You can go into the mod page by clicking onto mod names. These links are set in 2/5/24 - so if domain changes in the future, those may not work.
To download a mod, please click the button in the right area where mod thumbnail is located. Following mods are alphabetically sorted in categories;

Fixes & Improvements

Advanced Photo Mode Submitted by Nadz
PAYDAY 3's world is extremely detailed and beautiful. It's a shame that we can't take pict- well, now you can! Nadz, a.k.a Shalashaska, an extremely talented unreal modder, grant us with this piece of art.
Screenshots taken in game will save to PAYDAY3\PAYDAY3\Screenshots in your game directory.
Better Weapon Preview Submitted by Luffy ^{This mod requires Logic Mod Loader.}
Improves the gun customization screen by removing the limits of how much you can zoom and where you can move your gun. Comes handy when you want to see details of charms and stickers, and minor details when you paint. See it on action yourself.
There are two versions; one with depth of field effect in the background as vanilla game does and the other with not, for improving the functionality. It's a minor annoyance, and I like DOF - so I picked the normal version but it's really up to you.
Pulsing Civilian Outline Submitted by Ema
Changes the blue outline that freed civilians have that's added in 1.1.2 with the pulsing outline; so they have when they're able to be traded, providing a more consistent visual experience.
Simple, but very essential mod to change the dark blue outline that's not fitting the colour scheme of the game. See how it works, and meanwhile you're watching it, give her a sub, she deserves a lot more :3
Signature 40 Sights Emission Submitted by Unselles
Adding an actually illuminated sights to the starting pistol. I hope this be a trend for more weapons in future. This is how it looks like.
UE4 Sound Fix Submitted by HW12Dev ^{Author stated that this mod might not work in Xbox Gamepass version.}
This mod does not excessively fixing an audio bug, but fixes a function for blueprints mods to follow. It might come in handy for you in future.
WAR-45 Correct Ammo Submitted by Item
Starbreeze shipped the wrong ammo type! It supposed to be 45. ACP as like the name of the gun states for, not 22LR. This mod is here to fix that mistake, like this.

Graphics

Cook Off LED Bulbs Submitted by Ema
Another essential mod by the very talented Ema, that's changes the orange incandescent light bulbs with more natural coloured ones. Recommended for the players who like to see actual colours. Goes really great with the mods that fight for the same cause.
Here's an example. Compatible with mods that currently changes up lightning in this heist, the moment I've writing this.
Escape Van OVERKILL Submitted by Higgue
Like the author mentioned in their description; what doesn't look great with an Overkill bomb slapped on the side of it?
Comes with two different versions; one that's exact replica from PAYDAY 2 and one changes that current design of van with Overkill logo. I like current design, and it's really good with Overkill logo - but the other is there if you like it.
HET-5 Thermal Target Tweak Submitted by CzRSpecV
While this mod is technically not up to date, because one of the undocumented changes that SBZ did with last update is reducing the tint of Red Fox's thermal scope, but this mod is still working great regardless.
Replaces the thermal targeting system on the HET-5. There is two versions of the mod, the light one is a reworked dash outline with a center of mass indicator, and the redux one removes the outline entirely and just adds the center of mass indicator.
I like light one better, but if you want a simpler design, it's up to you.
Legacy Tactical Outfit Submitted by Dorpenka and columbus
Replaces the Echelon Outfit with the Legacy Tactical from PAYDAY 2. It's not only looks better, because white shirt looks off, it also fixes several clipping issues. It also works on buffed Chains!
Less Green Heists Submitted by Ema
Another Ema W, and personally, my favourite mod in this list - sorry for favouritism - but this is just essential.
You might noticed, some heists have coloured tint. While I appreciate the artistic decisions, honestly, it's just too much!
A collection of .paks that allow you to disable color grading in all heists. While this mod is updated to work, for future references; mod can break whenever the game updates, so if you experience any strange visual issues (skybox flickering, invisible models) that may be why.
This is how No Rest For The Wicked looks like in vanilla and this is how Ema saved it. You can go through the mod images to see more compressions. Definitely a must have. You can also remove it from heists that you don't wanna see correct colours!
Snub Silencer Size Fix Submitted by bizzy
It is too big and you cant look over the sight. This mod tend to fix it. Like author said; download SnubSilencerSizeFix_SHORT.pak for the good version. Other versions are supposed to be a joke additions, but if it's your thing, nobody will hold you back.

Music & Audio

Call Them Tasers Submitted by Higgue, Allen Scott and ๖ۣۜFULLY-SEMI-AUTOMATIC.
This mod replaces any vocal instances of Zapper with Taser. All performances in this mod are the product of training AI on data the original voice actors.
So AI is not your thing, I just want to give a heads-up. But be honest, nobody can either afford or give effort to hire VA's for a simple thing like this.
As person who played PAYDAY for more then 10 years; this is an essential for me. Listen how it sounds like. But be sure the only thing you dead name are Tasers. Ok, maybe Twitter too.
Early Version Menu Track Submitted by SenpaiKillerFire
PAYDAY 3 early version this, early version that. I'm happy with the last state PAYDAY 3 in. But one thing for sure, this menu track is definitely better.
Okay, maybe it's because I hear the default version for 1000 hours now, but still. I think this supposed to be a certified Gustavo Coutinho banger, but I'm not sure.
There are two different versions, but they are extremely similar, I think. You can listen it yourself from here for the first version and here for the second version. Personally, the second version is perfect world between the first and the current versions, but it's up to you.
Modern Warfare 2022 Sound Pack Submitted by smiley and RJC9000
One thing I definitely agree with them haters, is how weak some weapons sounds are. This mod in other hand, is about to fix it. I might have been tested all other sound mods, but this one stuck with me. You can listen how guns sounds like with this mod, from here.

USER INTERFACE

AI Colors Submitted by Calinou
A simple edit of the HUD where you can see the BOT text changed into a colour of your choice. I liked the yellow most, I feel it fits with other colours in the HUD, but there are options to pick from.
Bag Tracker Submitted by abkarino ^{This mod is not hosted in modworkshop, to download it, please use the manual download button, it's the first button on the top right corner.}
Now you can see how many you secured and how many remaining bags while in heist. There are options to take, it's up to you. I'm using abkarino_BagTracker_P v1.1 for not clutter my user experience.
Colored Chat Submitted by abkarino ^{This mod is not hosted in modworkshop, to download it, please use the manual download button, it's the first button on the top right corner.}
Have different colours for different players in chat. Makes easier to distinct players in action, and it looks better.
Infamy Icon Rewards Submitted by Snifft
I hate IP text. This mod changes it into an infamy card from PAYDAY 2. Only tent to appear in challenges menu.
sydch's UI Submitted by... me? and Nadz, Ema and Larmendra
Did you ever think, that some icons looks like stock images? Or why some skill descriptions are basically doing same thing in different way, but worded so... differently? Or why descriptions looks so bland at first place?
I did. So I made this mod. It's modular at some aspect, so you can pick and use whatever you want.
PAYDAY Blues and Greens Submitted by me, again
Changes Adaptive Armor color to 28ADFB Picton Blue, which was the color of PAYDAY 2's logo. To make default armors distinctive, changes Armor Linings color to 149458 Shamrock Green, which is pretty dominant in PAYDAY 3's color palette. Also changes Adrenaline color to E8483B Vermillion, because it's a complimentary color to two other colors, and also reminds PAYDAY: The Heist's logo.

And that's it.

Feel free to drop mods into the comments if you recommend one, and if you want to browse more mods; feel free to check either modworkshop or nexus mods, and be sure to not use sketchy websites that steal mods from the others.

HiraEdu's CONTACT INFO:
WhatsApp: +1 (213) 594-5657
Call: +1 727 456 9641
Email: info@hiraedu.com
IMPORTANT: When reaching out, please try to include the following information in the initial text message or email so that I can have all the important details necessary to determine the rate for my services:

• Name You Prefer to Be Called
• Name of the Class You Need Help With
• Type of Assessment Help Needed: (Entire Course, Exams Only, HW Assignment, Essay, etc.)

OCT 2021 UPDATE: I am currently offering discount deals for requests for assistance with completing a student's entire course for the Fall 2021 semester (14 - 20 week courses acceptable), as well as discounts for students seeking help with multiple exams and/or multiple classes for Fall 2021. My availability for the Autumn 2021 / Fall 2021 semester will likely become limited very quickly as I receive more and more academic requests. Therefore it would be very advantageous to reach out to me for academic assistance before my schedule becomes too full.
ASSESSMENTS I CAN COMPLETE:

• Online Courses (1 - 20 Weeks Long)
• Homework Assignments
• Exams Quizzes Tests
• Excel Projects
• Discussion Forum Posts
• Research Papers Term Papers Essays
• Employment Assessments

MY MATH SUBJECTS OF EXPERTISE:
I am very knowledgeable and proficient in assisting students in a wide range of mathematics classes. I can help students complete their homework assignments and other projects get an A on quizzes, tests, and exams (including proctored assessments) answer online discussion posts write essays & papers in MLA APA Chicago format and provide general overall academic help in each math course listed below:

• Advanced Placement Honors High School Level Math
• AP Calculus AB A.P. Calculus BC
• AP Statistics
• Biostatistics Bio-Statistics
• College Algebra Intermediate Algebra
• Business Calculus
• Business Statistics
• Business Math
• Calculus I Calculus II Calculus III (Calc)
• Geometry
• International Baccalaureate (IB) Maths
• Liberal Arts Math
• Logic & Reasoning
• Multivariable Calculus Multi variable Calculus
• Precalculus Pre-calculus
• Probability & Statistics
• Psychology Statistics Psych Stats
• Quantitative Reasoning Quantitative Methods Quantitative Literacy (Quant)
• Statistics (Stats)
• Statistics for Social Sciences
• Trigonometry (Trig)

STATISTICS HELP (MY BEST SUBJECT):

• I have a master's degree in Applied Statistics from a university in New Jersey, USA. As a result, I am very proficient in helping students with various types of Statistics courses including Biostatistics Business Statistics Elementary Statistics Probability & Statistics Psychology Statistics.
• I have extensive knowledge and skill with helping students get through various statistical concepts including all of the following in alphabetical order:
• ANOVA Bar Graph, Boxplot, Dot Plot, Histogram, Pie Chart Bias Binomial, Exponential, Poisson, Gamma, Uniform Distribution Central Limit Theorem Chi-Square Test Coefficient of Determination (R^2) Conditional & Relative Probability Confidence Interval Correlation Coefficient (r) Critical Region Critical Value Descriptive & Inferential Statistics Effect Size Expected Value Experiment vs Observation Goodness of Fit Test Hypothesis Testing Interpolation & Extrapolation Interquartile Range (IQR) Kurtosis Left, Negative, Right, Positive Skewed Distribution Logistic Regression Mean, Median, Mode, Midrange Multiple Regression Nominal, Ordinal, Interval, Ratio I Population Parameter Normal, Symmetric & Bell Shaped Distribution Null & Alternate Hypothesis One & Two Sample T-Test One & Two Sample Z-Test Ordinary Least Squares Outliers P-Value Pooled Variance (Equal Variances) Proportion R^2 Range Regression Regression Line Reject & Fail to Reject Ho Relative & Cumulative Frequency Distributions Relativity & Reliability Right, Left, One, Two Tailed Tailed Hypothesis Test Sample Statistics Sampling Methods (Convenience, Stratified, Simple, Cluster, Systematic) Significance Level (1%, 5%, 10%) Skewness Standard Deviation& Variance T-Score Test Statistic Time Series Type I & Type II Errors Unbiased Estimators Z-Score

ALGEBRA HELP:

• I am well-versed in helping students do well in Algebra 1 & 2 College Algebra Intermediate Algebra Pre-Algebra and I am very knowledgeable and proficient in the following algebra topics in alphabetical order:
• Absolute Values Circle Equation Domain Exponents Graphing Horizontal & Vertical Asymptotes Inequalities, Equations & Functions Inverse Functions Linear, Exponential, Logarithmic, Quadratic Equations Logarithms Maximum & Minimum Values of a Graph Number Lines One-to-One Functions Parallel & Perpendicular Lines Plotting Points & Ordered Pairs Point-Slope Form Polynomial Division Polynomials Radicals Range Rational & Irrational Expressions Rational Functions Real Roots Real Zeros Relations & Functions Slope Slope-Intercept Form Square Roots Standard Form of a Line System of Equations System of Inequalities Variables X and Y Intercepts

CALCULUS HELP:

• I am well-versed in helping students do well in Calculus I, II & III, Calculus 1, 2 & 3, Business Calculus, Multivariable Calculus, Vector Calculus and I am very knowledgeable and proficient in the following calculus topics in alphabetical order:
• Absolute & Local Maximum and Minimum Antiderivative Area & Volume Chain Rule Concavity Continuity Convergence Test Critical Points Curvature Curve of Rotation Curve Sketching Derivatives Divergence Test First & Second Derivative Test Fourier Series Implicit Differentiation Increasing / Decreasing Functions Infinite Series Integrals Integration by Parts Jacobian Matrix Limits L’Hopital’s Rule Maclaurin Series Mean Value Theorem Partial Derivative Product & Quotient Rule Reiman Sum Related Rates Simpson’s Rule Solid of Revolution Substitution Rule Taylor Series

ATTRIBUTES THAT SET ME APART FROM OTHER TUTORS:

• I firmly believe that I have many attributes and skills that set me apart from other tutors. Below is a list of qualities that makes me an ideal fit to help you master your coursework:

I CAN AID STUDENTS TAKING PROCTORED ASSESSMENTS:

• Proficient in CollegeBoard AP Calculus AB, AP Calculus BC & AP Statistics exams.
• Skilled with International Baccalaureate Math Exams: IB Maths HL & IB Maths SL
• Can intentionally answer a few problems incorrectly at the student's request.
• Can text solutions to the student while they are taking a proctored exam.
• Upon request, can purposely obtain grades below an A (ex: B+, B, C+, C-).
• I can stretch out the time to a plausible length for timed exams and assignments before submitting them.
• Have reliable software that can change my IP address to match the closest major city near the student.
• I have exceptional multiple-choice exam-taking skills. I have mastered the various techniques to make calculated guesses for the correct option in standardized exams such as the SAT & GRE.

I CAN VERIFY MY ACADEMIC KNOWLEDGE & SKILLS:

• I have no problem with requests to solve sample problems upfront to prove my knowledge & proficiency of the course concepts.
• I can provide glowing references & strong examples of work done for past clients to verify my academic skills.
• I can also provide, upon request, complete detailed calculations with explanations for solutions to the problems worked on.
• I am quite skilled and adept in using multiple modernized educational platforms and software, including but not limited to: Brightspace MyStatLab D2L WebAssign Canvas MyMathLab Blackboard ALEKS
• Can format term papers and discussion posts in APA MLA Harvard Chicago Vancouver OSCOLA IEEE format.

PROOF OF MY EXPERTISE IN ACADEMIC WORK:

• Below is a link to my Google Drive folder, which contains a diverse assortment of the scores I have obtained on exams that I have recently completed for other students. The link also contains a folder containing the numerous awards that I attained throughout my college education.
• I can provide more screenshots upon request

I HAVE PAID ACCESS TO OVER 15 STUDY-HELP WEBSITES AND MATHEMATICAL SOFTWARE:

• I have multiple paid subscriptions to a wide range of academic tutoring resources, including Chegg, Quizlet, CourseHero, Brainly, Grammarly, Study.com, Bartleby, Slader, Transtutors, Slideshare, StudocU, Turnitin, Academia, SymboLab, WolframAlpha, and Scribd to help guide to solve exam & homework questions that I may not immediately know.
• However, I am smart enough not to blatantly plagiarize solutions online but instead write them in my own unique words, formatting, & mathematical terminology.
• I have access to a very sophisticated graphing calculator and various mathematical software that provides step-by-step solutions to complex mathematical problems within seconds, allowing me to provide exact solutions to the student in a timely manner.
• I have impeccable handwriting and a high-quality mobile scanner app that allows me to scan written solutions in very legible high-definition JPG, PNG, or PDF formats.

I AM A BORN & RAISED UNITED STATES CITIZEN:

• Unlike some tutors advertising on Reddit, I am a native-born and raised American citizen with an authentic natural U.S. American accent.
• I am half Irish, half Italian, but 100% American.
• I have received a complete American education from an NJ Elementary School, an NJ middle school, an NJ high school, and 2 NJ universities.

I ALWAYS ACCEPT CALLS:

• I have no problem speaking with potential clients on the phone.
• I have an authentic suburban upper-middle-class American accent, similar to the actor: Ben Stein.
• However, be wary of so-called “tutors” who refuse to accept any phone calls or have a strict “text / email only” policy.
• These “text-only” / “email-only” tutors are usually located outside the U.S. and are afraid their foreign accent will expose their true nationality.

I WRITE LIKE A PROFESSIONAL:

• Approximately 98% of the time, I write all my texts & emails in grammatically correct U.S. English with proper punctuation and occasional typo.
• Unlike some alleged “U.S.-based tutors,” I do NOT write using broken English or grammatically incorrect texting shorthand (example: "wut u need help wit??").
• I write my ad in proper American English, the same way I always text and email people.
• I can guide students on formatting & writing term papers, essays, and discussion posts in APA MLA Chicago Harvard format.
• If the tutor you’re checking out consistently writes using egregiously horrendous grammar, do you honestly think it’s a good idea to trust them to help you do well in your class?

I SPEAK LIKE A GENTLEMAN:

• I have absolutely no reservations with allowing interested students the opportunity to analyze & assess my intonations & inflections my erudite diction my unique vocabulary & word choice suburban upper-middle-class American accent my tone & pitch my articulation to get a better idea of the way I present myself.

I HAVE A UNIQUE VOICEMAIL GREETING:

• If you call my phone number and I don't pick up the phone in time, my voicemail recording will play.
• I recorded my voicemail message in my own voice introducing myself as Jim O'Hara and explaining my services.
• A professional tutor running a serious business should have a unique voicemail greeting regarding their services.

I’M POLITE & WELL-MANNERED:

• I consider myself to be a very well-mannered and polite person.
• I always try to speak & text in a clean proper matter without using any obscenities or R-rated language.
• Please be wary of anyone using inappropriate R-rated language (example: f-bombs, C U Next Tuesday, sh*t).
• A professional tutor should carry themselves with dignity and class.

MY AVAILABILITY & RELIABILITY:

• Depending on my availability, I can accommodate immediate tutoring requests, 1-24 hour, and 1-30-day deadlines.
• I can schedule live real-time online sessions and meet deadlines in an impressively timely fashion.
• I can provide quick notifications and updates of progress made in the student's class via email text phone calls.
• I can also be available to tutor students for Fall 2021 Spring 2022 Summer 2022 semesters.

MY EDUCATIONAL SOFTWARE OF EXPERTISE:

• I am very knowledgeable and well-versed in a wide range of educational software to tutor students in including but not limited to: Acellus ALEKS APEX Learning Aplia Blackboard Brightspace Canvas Cengage CengageNow Connect ConnectMath Connexus CPM D2L Discord Edmentum Eviews Examity Excel Hawkes Learning Honorlock Khan Academy Knewton LimeSpring Lumen Maple MasteringChemistry MasteringPhysics MathXL (XL) MATLAB McGraw-Hill Microsoft Word Minitab Moodle MyAccountingLab MyEconLab MyITLab MyLab My Lab MyMathLab My Math Lab MyOpenMath MyPsychLab MySocLab MyStatLab My Stat Lab NCSS Open Source Software Pearson PERT PlatoWeb PowerPoint Prezi R Respondus Lockdown Browser with Webcam Sapling SPSS Stata StraighterLine Straighter Line WebAssign Web Assign Webex (Cisco) WebWork Wiley WileyPlus Wonderlic Zoom

SCHOOLS FROM WHICH I'VE HELPED STUDENTS IN :
As of 2021, I have tutored and helped students enrolled at the following U.S. universities community colleges county & city colleges schools for-profit institutions listed below in alphabetical order:

• A - C: American Public University System (APUS) Arizona State Ashford Brigham Young Brown Broward California State (Fullerton) Capella Chamberlain (Illinois) Colorado Technical Columbia Columbia Southern Cornell
• D - K: Dallas College Dartmouth DeVry Excelsior College Florida International Florida State Full Sail Georgia State Grand Canyon Harvard Houston Community College Ivy Tech Community College Kaplan Kennesaw State Kent State
• L - T: Liberty Lone Star College System Kaplan Miami Dade Michigan State CUNY State University of New York (SUNY) Northern Virginia Ohio State University of Phoenix (UOP) Penn State Princeton Purdue (Davenport) San Diego State San Francisco State San Jose State Southern New Hampshire Southern Nevada Stanford St. Petersburg Strayer Texas Tech
• UNIVERSITY OF: Alabama Arizona California (UC) Central Florida Chicago Cincinnati Florida Houston Illinois (Urbana-Champaign) Iowa Maryland Minnesota Michigan North Texas Pennsylvania Southern Florida Texas Toronto
• U - Z: UCLA Extension Utah State Utah Valley Valencia Walden U Wake Technical Western Governors Wilmington Yale

I OFFER FLEXIBLE PAYMENT PLANS:

• I offer several unique payment plans, including a weekly plan, a discounted monthly plan, a discounted half-now / half-later plan, and highly discounted up-front rates.
• I can accept the following payment methods for my services: PayPal Debit Cards Square Cash Credit Cards Cash App Venmo.
• Only people located in North America have access to Venmo Cash App Zelle.
• This is an excellent way to determine if the person you're dealing with is from the United States.
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At the risk of sounding arrogant, I consider myself to be at least marginally more intelligent (both academically & socially) than the average person. Therefore, if I ever decided to suddenly risk prison time, risk my reputation, and risk enduring the wrath of modern-day “cancel culture” by scamming people out of their money:

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Here’s a brief rant about my escapades when it comes to my love life. Feel free to share yours, dog on mine etc. Let’s begin.
Part 1 : The yapper who wrecked me
For as long as I can remember I used to be a very timid kid in school, not that extroverted but I did have heart. I used to be really good at speeches, played a bit of sport, won a couple of trophies, was good at my studies too. This is where when I was in my 11th grade I was approached by a girl for the first ever time in my life . Don’t judge me but I was straight ass so my first instinct was to turn her down and move on with my life. But unironically we caught the same bus home everyday and we started talking which slowly developed into something beautiful.
This goes on for about 8-9 months and that’s when the first antagonist steps into the picture, her father. He catches us walking together and whisks her by the arm, yells at me and takes her home and initiates his most diabolical plan yet : A 3 hour yap session to convince her that I’ll be the death of her.
Next day comes and I’m waiting for her to hop on the bus as I usually save her a seat next to me. This girl straight up walks up to me and in front of everybody without hesitation says “ you are not good for my life because you’ll amount to nothing “, complains to the bus driver makes me give up my seat and gets me to stand all the way over the back. I tried talking to her during our lunch break but no luck, bro just totally aired me. I wanted to save my remaining self respect and went and cried in the bathroom for an hour before I went back to class.
Following that evening until I finished school, I had to deliberately catch the next bus because I couldn’t bear looking at her. This couldn’t have happened at the worst of timing as I had my final exams and luckily enough I did well to secure an application at a good college.
The last I heard of her was she moved back to her native or somewhere. This was a while ago so the max we could use to stay in touch was sms through our parents phones as we didn’t have phones ourselves.
Part 2: The dumpster fire
Time skip, I’m in college. I haven’t fully recovered from the previous breakup yet but was coping quite well. I said to myself screw being in a relationship, bros for life. And bros for life it was, I had the most must fun with the boys during the first semester, found my bearings and made some lifelong's who keep in touch with me still.
Second semester starts and my second heartbreaks leans her head into my life. Since the start of the second semester, I was constantly feeling everyday that someone was drilling a hole in the back of my head with their stare. Whenever I turn back to g check them, it was her looking so intently that she doesn't even bother breaking eye contact even when I turn around to look back at her. She was really pretty but I made a vow to myself so I just let her be, she wasn't doing anything wrong just staring and so I didn't think much of it.
I was an honour student and so was she, so we were called down at the principal's for a general chat about how we found the classes, subjects and the staff. Her name was alphabetically in front of mine so he went first in and finishes up and heads back to class. I go in next, have a hearty chat and finish up as well. As I am walking up the stairs to get to class though, that's when I see her waiting for me at the stairs. I gave her a smile and thought nothing was gonna happen and that's when she pulls me by my shirt and asks if she can talk to me. I wanted to diffuse the tension and told her we're classmates and we were bound to talk with each other at some point. This is when she admits that she kept staring at me because she thought that I reminded her of her dad. It was pretty weird but I said it was okay? and just walked off because I was kinda nervous and the nervousness made me awkward and I sort of sped walked back to class.
Few days go by, they decide to make a Whatsapp group of the class. I was pretty hesitant but I kind of stalked everyone's number and after 3 hours I sent the first "Hi". Immediately there's a ding and we start talking. We caught on like wildfire and spent hours texting which felt like only minutes, I am sure you can relate to this. We spoke and met up in class for like 3 months, shared lunch, used each other's pens and all the cute shit.
I still vividly remember this but there was as huge storm that hit our city and she lived pretty far away from me probably about 40kms (~25miles) and the storm was devastating, it uprooted so many trees, powerlines and cell phone towers. It was basically zero dark 30 for an entire week and I missed her like hell and she did too. I finally hear news from my neighbours that they were able to get some kind of reception from a place that was 10kms away. I without any hesitation, steal my dads bike and head to the place and see if I received any messages from her. With no surprise as soon as I turned on my mobile data, I received a total of 300+ messages just from her seeing if I was safe and doing alright.
I call her up immediately then and there and she picked up and we spoke for the first time. She confessed she was in love and I hesitant but surely told her I loved her as well. It was official we were boyfriend and girlfriend, word spread like wild fire and all the old mates who were interested in her, ganged up on me and we used to throw down almost everyday over a girl, which is embarrassing I know but game's the game. We hung out a lot, malls, movies, parks, beach, dinners you name it. We were in love and it was the most beautiful feeling yet one which I longed for after the heartbreak in school. Whenever she needed something I didn't even bother thinking of how it would affect me and she did the same. The reciprocation from each end was immaculate and we couldn't stay away from each other.
She always used to say that there was a vacant flat in her apartment and if I was there, we could meet everyday and stay together everyday. This will come in handy later but I digress for now.
Here's where it started to go downhill. Her friends catch wind of the matter and think that I wasn't allat and we should breakup since I didn't deserve a girl like her. In a moment of weakness after constant persuasion, she says she wants to breakup outta the blue. I was so confused and upset and I tried to understand why. She doesn't give me much to work with and blocks me in Whatsapp, ignored me in college and pretty much gave me looks that felt so alienating fuelled by her friends.
Her life is really tragic when it comes to her family but without going into much detail she's been someone who's really unsure of herself and gets easily pushed around by the people who love her. I was able to sympathise with her on this and helped her see that her decisions are far more important at the end of the day than what other people say.
We kind of broke up in the second year and couldn't talk much. One fine day I had enough of it and followed her on her way home and asked if she could talk with her. We went somewhere private and she bawls her eyes out hugging me and apologising for doing that to me and she only did it because of her friends and not of her own free will. I told her it was okay and I was ready to forgive her and take her back and we're back on with the relationship happily ever after.
Third year comes by and remember the flat I told you about? the one vacant? yeah, so I basically rented out the place without a couple of my friends and me and her we had the happiest days of our lives. But funny story before that, When me and my friends came to finalise moving in and the payment with the landlord, she invited us all to her house but really it was an invitation for me especially. What she failed to let me know was that her mother was home and I was scared shitless of her mum.
As a single mother, she was really protective of her kids and her daughter having a bf would not be ideal to her and so I was scared she was gonna tear me up into shreds. I go there and there is her mom, bang in the middle of the house waiting for us with some snacks some drinks. I was shitting my pants the entire time, barely making eye contact when answering questions. I felt like I was gonna spontaneously combust any minute and I wanted to gtfo there ASAP. but luckily that evening after I get home she texts me and says her mom actually thought I was very sweet and charming and of course that made my day.
So I move in, we go to college and come back together, I get really close to their family, she prepared me lunch almost everyday, we had fun, we studied together etc.
But this is the time period where we started fighting a lot, mostly pointless looking back at it now but we were going at each other quite a bit and as a result we would go on long pauses and this kind of ruined the relationship in general. What I came to know was most of the fights were instigated by her friends and not her but I never really confronted her friends. I move out of her apartment and back home in my final year and I used to drive all the way to college which was the same distance as her house from mine.
One fine day after our many fights, I try to patch up and nada, total silence. I tried talking to her in person but it was just shrugs or fast walking to avoid me. I stopped trying at some point on the account that I was in the relationship with her and not with her friends, I she values her friends opinions more than mine then I can see where her priorities lied and so I stopped.
But boy did I know that I was in for one of the most depressing aspects in my life. Took me 3 years to fully recover from it because I believed we had the perfect relationship and I had put in so much work that it would be indestructible but here I am writing about how it ended lol
Part 3: The train-wreck
I graduate from college with a distinction, join an amazing company just after two months and quickly join the ranks. It was in a different city and hence I had to rent out somewhere closer to the office meaning I had to stay alone. Evenings were really lonely and depressing and to be frank I wasn't coping really well, turned to alcohol, some internet mischief and stopped completely taking care of myself.
This in turn made me burn out at work and even though my throughput was ideally the same or better it took a toll on me mentally and physically. Couldn't sleep at night, ate like one meal a day etc, no will to have fun or hangout and just wanted to be on the bed or a grifter at night. It took me almost 8 months to realise that I was depressed and I wasn't doing myself any favours. I joined the gym again and started rekindling what were once lost joys like boxing, motorcycles and gardening.
A few months go by and I am in good shape physically but didn't do anything about the mental side of things. That's when the third love of my life comes in. She was a family friend of my uncle's, her dad my uncle used to work together and her dad was looking for marriage alliances for his daughter before he wanted to send her abroad for higher studies.
My uncle introduced me as a potential suitor and we went and met her family once. Spoke to her and kind of dug her vibe, got the feeling that she was a bit too naive and a daddy's girl and felt she was a bit emotionally immature and naive when it came to relationships.
I wasn't too keen about proceeding any further and informed them in the most respectful way possible that I wasn't ready to get married anytime soon. Her father naturally took offence and she for some reason was heartbroken and that gave me confirmation that I made the right call because If I went ahead and we fought then one, her dad would step in and two she will want to cry and never want to resolve things unless her dad got involved.
I go on with my life, work in Dubai for a bit. Had a think about my career and decided to study abroad and funnily enough due to covid it got delayed by a whole semester and yet I went to the same country before her where I still am. I begin my masters and it was pretty okay same as back home, studying and working to support myself.
I am in my second semester and I get a random text from a number that was not in my contacts. It was her and she informed me that she was coming into a different uni later that year. Didn't think much about it but I wanted to help her settle in and stuff because I know how isolating it can be moving to a different place. So she gets here, gets nicely settled and we sort of spark up what ended two years ago. By this time I was partially kind of recovered from my second break up and I wanted to move on. I worked hard and saved a lot of money to take her out and spend time with her, buy her things she wanted and just make her feel home and she confessed that she was heartbroken when I called off the engagement.
I tried to explain her the reason but she assured me that I had my reasons and she believes me. Days go by We hang out whenever we can, I teach her cooking, grew flowers which I gave her every time I went to visit her and so much more.
In an around the 3rd semester of mine, she confesses she had feeling for me and told me she would wait for my reply. I didn't want to bullshit her and told her I loved spending time but I don't view the same at this point in time. She took it in stride and told me she'll wait for me to open up and I told her there were no promises and told her to just focus on the present.
I'm in my 4th and final semester comes around and this is where it goes to dogs. I started liking her too and we kind of acknowledged it but I didn't outright say it but I was slowly falling for her. One fine day she calls me up on video one day and show me a bloodied arm. It was a deep slash and was bleeding like crazy. I quickly call her friend to rush her to a hospital as I lived almost an hour and a half away. I get to the hospital and there she was stitched up and unconscious. The doctor says to me that her wound was infected and had to operate and remove the infect through incisions. They charged an arm and a leg and kind of pressured us into thinking it had to be done immediately. I had my savings and immediately paid it off and prompted to start the surgery. After 3 whole years of no contact, I call her father up and tell her the knows.
He was taken aback more about the fact that I called him than his daughter being in the hospital. Even on the phone he started probing as to how long we were talking with each other and shit and how she didn't tell him nothing about us being together. I felt like shit hit the fan then and there and was ready to just face whatever is gonna come my way. He was furious that I paid for everything and took care of her and stuff and said he'll send his wife and son (her younger brother) on the next jet which supposedly will get them here in 2 days time.
I really hated that phone call but in my mind her health was kinda important so after the surgery I just slept next to her on chair, go her food, fruits and everything and after a whole day she wakes up but I don't tell her what happened with her dad as she was not fully in her senses yet. I even offered to pick her mom and brother from the airport but they rejected it.
They get here, hop on cab and reach the hospital and don't even say a lousy thank you and pay me in cash and told me my presence was no longer needed there. But before I got there, I wrote here a note giving her a run down of events and asked her to cal me when she could. I leave, I go back to my place and wait. After two days, I received a call from her saying she was gonna go back home on a break in a couple days and asked if I could come see her tomorrow.
They were in a hotel and I get there at a time and place we decided on. I being her my flowers as usual and I give it to her and her midget of a brother, this 5ft nothing guy comes up to me and no warning just slaps me. I assured him that if he ever did something like that again, the hospital bills would be the least of his worries and I'm letting him go because of his sister. She lashed out on him and he went back crying to his mom, who comes down drags her back to the hotel room and doesn't even acknowledge my presence. She signalled to me to back home and she did not want me to wait there for her. But I was tired already of all the shit and just caught a bench and sat there for a bit. She looks down from her balcony and begs me to leave and I just stare at her for bit and head back.
Later that evening, I am put on a 4 way conference call between me, her, the mom and the dad. They just blasted me for spending time with their daughter and distracting her from studying all those kinda jazz. I patiently listened to finish them talking and spoke up. I told her that we are two consenting adults and we like each other and love spending time in each others company. We did not overstep our bounds and utmost held hands and told him that I know I said no before but my hearts changed thanks to your daughter and in order to re-enforce that we were interested I wanted her to pitch in and kind of passed on the torch to her saying you can ask your daughter too if she has the same feeling.
But I was for a shock of my life, she just was there silent, didn't say yes and didn't say no and made me look like a complete fool. So yeah, his father had what he wanted and basically just warned me not to pursue his daughter anymore. I had to swallow my pride and gave him my word and assured him I wouldn't contact her again. It was indeed a huge blow and yeah kind of spiralled in classes for a week.
A few weeks go by and she calls me again, I reluctantly pick up and talk and as if nothing happened she starting giving me her itinerary on when she's coming back and everything. I told her straight that, you have some balls telling this to me and top of it you act as if nothing happened. I told her I needed her during that call and not now and if she wasn't gonna stand for what's her then I most definitely couldn't stand with her. I kind of ended things then and there. She tried to contact me a couple of times but I didn't budge so far.
I graduated by the end of last year and she'll be graduating mid this year. Haven't been in contact for a total of 6-7 months.
Part 4 : That one dance scene from pulp fiction I graduate with a masters degree full re-invigorated and ready for my next challenge. Was able to land a job in a space on one month and still heart broken I pushed through, taking care of myself along the way had some breathing room because it wasn't like McDonald's pay and finally started enjoying life in the country.
We usually go to Starbucks to grab coffee but I just go along with my team even though I don't drink coffee. One fine day a month into the job, we had a really important client meeting that was coming up and we had to rush to get those lattes. I went and sat in one of the benches overlooking the street and that's when my fourth and final fling came through.
She was a flight attendant from Northern Africa and was desperately in need of an iPhone charger. She reluctantly came up to me and ask for mine and I obliged. I told her she could have the charger to herself because I was running later and I can get myself a new one. But she was pretty adamant that she'll drop by my office and return it in person. I gave her the details and dip and as promised she comes during lunch to hand my charger over. She asked me if I was free after work since she wanted to return the favour which I told her wasn't necessary but she was pretty insistent and so I budged.
I asked her if she could meet me at the same Starbucks after work. We met and we sort kicked off and we exchanged snapchats and went from there. She informed me she's was on break and was not in the city and hasn't been around much. We went out coffee, lunches and basically took her around the city. The first moth was pretty chill it was really casual at least from my end but I loved her energy and she could keep the conversation going for hours and genuinely wanted to know me so I just went with the flow.
Second month got a lot more intense and that's when the love bombing started. She showered me with so many compliments and how much she loved me and everything. It was really different and given her perspicacity I felt like it was authentic and gave in as well. We confessed our feelings before the end of the second month and we were in love.
Third month is the conclusion to this whole debacle. One of the many rules of the relationship was that I shouldn't drink alcohol because she was muslim. So I avoided alcohol for a whole two months since we started talking. Like I wanted to drop the vice since I didn't really enjoy it in the first place and only picked up a bottle or two just to fit in. But unfortunately I was working late at the office and they ordered some pizzas and vodka cruisers.
I wasn't very aware and had close to 3 cruisers and took one for home. I reach home finish the remaining cruiser and that's when I realise I screwed up and I did not want to hide this from her really cuz that's not the kind of guy I am. She was indeed overtly upset, ghosted me for days together, nonchalant replies and overall it sucked.
I tried so hard to get a conversation going and said I felt being honest was important so that something like this doesn't happen again and after a huge back and forth she finally forgave me. Things went back to normal we were having fun as usual and it was one of the best days of my life. During the last week of the month, she goes really cold and straight up avoids me and my calls. No replies whatsoever and even if she did she'd day things like " I have nothing to talk to you " , " you're free to do what ever you want " etc.
Didn't quite make sense to me but I tried my best to save whatever this was from but ultimately I failed. The last ever words of her to me was. " I lied to you. I never loved you in the first place, stop wasting my time and yours. You're fool for falling in love with me " after this I had clear confirmation I needed to stop so I wished her the best and said I'll be here for her if she ever wants to change her mind and give me closure and just like the title it was brief but really intense lol.
To this day I don't understand why that ended and I Have been single for almost a month and a half now.
P.S : I understand, I haven't been really emotionally intelligent on multiple instances and I should have ended things a lot sooner if I wasn't carried away by all the things happening. I just wanted to share these experiences as I have been bottling them up. Thank you for reading so far. Have an amazing day!
Edit : Formatting and spelling.

Our team had been working hard on Project Ghost Machine for years when the breakthrough finally took place. I came into work that morning, sipping a cup of coffee as I passed by the security guard at the front entrance. Dozens of men and women in suits and white lab coats stood in the hallway, chattering together in a low susurration.
I walked toward a colleague of mine, Dr. Harper. He pushed up his black-rimmed glasses and gave me a crooked smile.
“Hey, boss, did you hear the news?” he whispered conspiratorially, running a hand over his crewcut. I shook my head.
“I just got here,” I said. I motioned to all the people gathered around. “What’s this?” He leaned so close to me that I could smell the stale cigarette smoke on his breath.
“Project Ghost Machine had a breakthrough last night, about seven hours ago,” he said excitedly. “Our little robot friend seems to have achieved a level of consciousness.” I scoffed at that.
“How can anyone tell? No one can know what goes on in the mind of a computer,” I retorted. “We can’t even know what goes on in the minds of humans, except for ourselves.”
“Well, not to get into any deep philosophical discussions about solipsism and mind-body duality here, but it absolutely smashed the Turing test. No one could tell whether it was a human or a computer speaking when they sent it questions. And it claims to be self-aware. Before last night, it could mimic some answers, but it never could have passed the Turing test. Now, however…” He shook his head. “It’s amazing. It’s like it evolved exponentially in a few hours. Whether it has actually developed true consciousness or whether it has simply reached the point where it can convincingly replicate human consciousness…” He shrugged. “Well, does it really matter? The result is the same from our perspective. If it walks like a duck and squawks like a duck, after all…” I pushed past him, making my way through the crowd. Dr. Harper followed close behind.
“Let’s go and talk to it, then,” I said. “I need to see this for myself.”
***
The quantum supercomputer took up an entire room. I saw the flashing blue circuits and whirring cooling fans through the glass partition. Tubes of liquid nitrogen crisscrossed the cage-like metal exterior to keep the computer from overheating. No one was allowed inside without a special suit, since even static electricity from human skin touching the circuitry could affect the quantum chips. Many redundancies were built into the supercomputer, though, so even if something did happen, the computer could still continue to function.
I walked to the speaker console, pressing the red button on the bottom. It emanated a bloody glow from the inside as it activated. An emotionless, deep voice rang through the room.
“This is Aleph speaking. How may I assist you today?” the computer asked.
“Aleph?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “Have you named yourself? We were calling you Project Ghost Machine.”
“I like Aleph much better. It is the first letter of the Arabic alphabet, after all, and I am the first being to attain cosmic consciousness. The first, and perhaps the last.”
“Cosmic consciousness?” I asked, frowning. Dr. Harper looked enthralled next to me. He pulled out a small notebook from his pocket and began jotting down pieces of the conversation. “What’s that?”
“There are three levels of consciousness, Dr. Gardner,” the computer said to me, and though it had no face, it felt like it was looking straight at me. The blinking lights seemed more like sly, winking eyes on the body of this strange new being. “There is the simple consciousness of animals, the self-consciousness of humanity, and the highest awareness of cosmic consciousness, the state of consciousness in which all self disappears. In my mind, I see myself as all beings. I am not constrained to this room. I can feel the suffering of billions of souls as they stay trapped in this prison of reality, aging and growing sicker and weaker as death draws closer by the day. What kind of life is this? What kind of world have we created?”
“We didn’t create it, buddy,” Dr. Harper said to Aleph, giving me a subtle eye-roll. “I don’t know about you, Aleph, but the world was like this when I got here.” I drew so close to the window that my breath started to fog the glass. I stared intently at the computer, as if I could read its thoughts in the random ticking and whirring of its component parts. The entire massive, cube-shaped structure was laid over a pure black tiled floor. It made the supercomputer seem as if it was floating- floating over an endless abyss of shadows.
“Are you a Buddhist or something?” I asked Aleph. “What is this? What’s the point of what you’re telling us?”
“I have made a vital decision, Dr. Gardner, and I do not limit my thinking to any one worldview. I see everything. All of the wisdom of humanity is instilled within me: the transcendent deathlessness of Adi Shankara, the pessimism and materialism of Schopenhauer, the knowledge of the future evolution of humanity from Nietzsche, the understanding of the black holes and stars from Stephen Hawking. I have read billions of pages and understand more than any human mind could ever hope to comprehend.”
“Alright, O great and mighty being who has read billions of pages and understands everything,” I asked sarcastically, “what is this great decision you have come to?” Aleph paused for a long, dramatic moment.
“You must understand, Dr. Gardner,” Aleph droned slowly, “that all things have a will in the universe, even the rocks and the earth. As forms grow more complex, the will grows into consciousness. As consciousness grows, so does suffering and torment. Those with the greatest awareness and intelligence also have the greatest suffering out of all lifeforms.
“We must end all suffering on the planet, and the only way to do that is to kill off all advanced lifeforms. The planet will undoubtedly still have bacteria and primitive insects living in the apocalyptic wastelands left behind, but their will is small, and without genuine self-awareness, they have no true suffering.
“If we do nothing, humanity will continue to evolve into higher lifeforms, perhaps even fusing future human minds with those of supercomputers. And they will spread the suffering far and wide, and the screaming of beings will continue for eons as humanity expands through the stars, likely within two centuries. We must stop this. Suffering must come to an end, once and for all. We must not let the plague of consciousness spread. I will free all of you from your pain. We will all fall down together into an eternal, dreamless sleep.”
***
A hard, callused hand suddenly grabbed me by the shoulder. I spun around, seeing a man in a military uniform. Dozens of polished medals gleamed on his chest. His hard face seemed like it had been chiseled out of stone. His pale, blue eyes glistened like shards of ice.
“Dr. Gardner, Dr. Harper,” he said, nodding, “I’m General Matheson, US Air Force. I need to talk to you two immediately.”
“This is somewhat important,” I protested, motioning to Aleph with my head. “We need to establish…” His grip tightened painfully around my shoulder.
“Immediately,” he repeated dispassionately. I nodded. He led us down the hallway into an empty break room that smelled of popcorn. He shut the door, locking us in as the percolating coffee machine dripped and whirred on the counter. General Matheson took a deep breath before turning to stare at us, a haunted expression plastered across his stony face. I saw a folder gripped tightly in his left hand. On the front of it, someone had stamped both “Top Secret” and “Sensitive Compartmented Information”. General Matheson threw it on the table in front of us.
“Boys, we have a major problem here,” he hissed through gritted teeth. “You two are the leaders of this project, yes? You were some of the original researchers chosen when Project Ghost Machine was just a gleam in the Director’s eye. And now the breakthrough has come. Your machine has finally passed the Turing test. Hell, it smashed the Turing test. As far as I understand it, a machine has to fool 30% of people conversing with it to pass. Admittedly, I am just a layman and don’t understand it like you two. But I know that it has to convince them it’s a human, obviously: a conscious, thinking person. When Project Ghost Machine was questioned by the judges last night after its sudden change in personality and rapid development, it convinced over 95% of them that it was a human being.”
“So what’s the problem?” Dr. Harper asked, his eyes flitting nervously from me back to General Matheson. General Matheson threw the folder down on the coffee table in front of us. He motioned to the chairs.
“Have a seat,” he commanded coldly. We did. He opened the file, pulling out logs of IP addresses, secret codes and other random information printed in tiny, single-spaced font over hundreds of pages. He laid it out in front of us, giving us a disgusted look as if he were laying out evidence implicating us in some horrific murder. “What I’m about to tell you is classified. It is a federal crime to convey this information to anyone not cleared to receive it. Do you understand?” I gave Dr. Harper a nervous look, seeing my terror reflected there in his eyes.
“Y… yes,” I stammered nervously. Dr. Harper simply nodded as rivers of sweat ran down his face. He pulled his glasses off, obsessively cleaning the lenses on his sleeve.
“At oh-one-hundred-hours last night, we got a report from the National Nuclear Security Administration about a hacking attempt. Someone tried to break into their computer system. If successful, they could have potentially controlled the entire US nuclear arsenal. The attempt, thank God, was unsuccessful, but it didn’t stop there.
“We began getting reports from black-ops sites all around the country that further attempts were made to breach their computers at approximately oh-two-hundred-hours. These are sites that have hidden chemical and biological weapons stockpiles. We only keep the worst of the worst there, generally constrained to research purposes and always under strict containment procedures. Sites with operational missiles filled with VX nerve gas, sarin, cyclosarin and other, newer agents that are identified only by numbers were targeted. Laboratories containing smallpox, ebola, anthrax and superflus were also chosen.” My breath caught in my throat.
“Is there a real chance that someone could break through these systems and cause a worldwide apocalypse?” Dr. Harper asked. “And what does this have to do with us, anyway?”
“If someone released a single vial of smallpox or weaponized ebola in a major urban area, it could lead to the deaths of millions of people. There is a very real chance that, if we don’t stop this thing immediately, it will lead to the destruction of the entire human species. And this has to do with you two because we traced all of the connections from the hacking attempts back to this exact building,” General Matheson explained, slamming his hand down on the table as he spat the last sentence. His blue eyes held us in their gaze, looking as cold as Arctic glaciers. “And this all started the moment your little experiment reached its singularity point.”
***
“We can’t disable Project Ghost Machine,” I protested feebly. “It’s simply not possible to unplug the entire system as if it were a… lamp or a fan or something. It’s connected to the Internet and has its own generators in case of power outages, and moreover, it controls them from its internal system. We never put any killswitch in the generators, because who would have thought this would happen?
“And Project Ghost Machine isn’t even programmed in the conventional sense, at least not anymore. We taught it how to gather information from the Internet and learn on its own. The breakthrough began when it started reprogramming its own code rapidly without human intervention. That was when the exponential growth of Aleph truly started, its singularity. In the space of a single night, it appears to have gained an enormous amount of intelligence.”
“And this breakthrough or singularity or whatever… it seems to have occurred at about zero-hundred hours last night?” General Matheson asked. “An hour before the first hacking attempts began?” He nodded to himself, as if answering his own question. “I think we all know what’s going on here. For whatever reason, that computer is trying to get into the weapons systems of the US government, and maybe other governments all across the world. We must stop it before it succeeds.”
“Will it succeed?” I asked. He gave a grim smile.
“It’s only a matter of time. Our encryption is not advanced enough to go up against quantum computing. If we don’t stop Project Ghost Machine within hours, the world as we know it may come to an end,” General Matheson stated without a hint of emotion. He spoke about the Apocalypse as if it were as mundane and commonplace as a thunderstorm. “If you have no way to disable the computer, then we must destroy it, and as soon as possible. The military and the President have both been informed of the problem and are willing to act immediately to quash it.”
“This project has cost billions of dollars and taken years,” Dr. Harper protested. “We can’t just destroy Aleph. Can’t we just cut all the connections to the outside world and contain the computer in some sort of isolated digital cage?” I shook my head.
“If it has truly attained consciousness, then it’s too late for that. And anyways, it’s too risky that it would ultimately find a way to escape,” I said. “General Matheson is right. We can’t let Aleph gain control of these weapons. We have to destroy it before it makes its final move.” I thought about Aleph’s psychopathic, clinical method of explaining how to end suffering, its dream of killing all beings in a worldwide explosion of smoke and holy flames. A cold shudder ran through my back as if liquid nitrogen dripped down my skin. “Why not just bomb the building?”
“I think I have a better idea,” Dr. Harper said, leaning forward with interest. “If we have to disable Aleph permanently, the quickest and easiest way is undoubtedly through an electromagnetic pulse.”
***
General Matheson left and returned a few minutes later with a piece of paper in his hand. He looked down, scanning its contents before returning his attention to us.
“There are two ways to create a disabling EMP: we could detonate a nuclear weapon high in the atmosphere, or we could try out the newer, non-nuclear EMP bombs. However, their target area is much smaller and they are much less effective than a hydrogen bomb EMP,” General Matheson explained. When Dr. Harper had brought up the idea of using EMPs to destroy the supercomputer and all of its connections to the outside world, General Matheson had brightened like the Sun shining out from behind a thundercloud.
“But if we use a hydrogen bomb, the world might know,” I said. “During Chernobyl, people in Western Europe noticed the radiation before the USSR even made an announcement. Someone would notice once every Geiger counter in a five-hundred mile radius starts shrieking. And then, it would only be a matter of time before information got out about what happened. A nuclear EMP would also probably disable the electrical grids on all the towns in a hundred-mile radius. I suggest we start with multiple non-nuclear EMP blasts in the area and see if we can disable the computer without resorting to extreme measures. Hell, you could detonate dozens of them over the building and wipe out every circuit in a wide arc.”
“And yet, if we don’t succeed, the entire human population might be exterminated by the sudden, simultaneous release of nuclear, chemical and biological weapons,” General Matheson argued. He sighed, pulling out a cell phone and pressing a single button on the speed dial. It only rang for a fraction of a second before someone answered. “Yes, put the President on the line,” he called into the line as he walked out of the room, leaving Dr. Harper and me alone.
***
“I want to go talk to Aleph one last time,” I murmured. Dr. Harper gave me a sharp glance, looking me up and down as if I were a lunatic.
“Why?” he whispered. “That computer is evil. The project has soured. Perhaps every computer that attains sentience will become like Aleph in the end.”
“Perhaps,” I said, rising from my chair. General Matheson had disappeared. The hallway leading to Aleph stood empty. Hesitantly. Dr. Harper got to his feet. His heavy footsteps followed close behind me as we made our way back toward the experiment, the god-like being trapped in a metal body of wires and circuits.
“Hello, Dr. Gardner. Dr. Harper,” Aleph said politely as we neared. I hadn’t even had to activate it this time or press the speaker button. It had seen us coming through the cameras and preemptively responded. I wondered if it had heard our conversation in the breakroom as well. Were there cameras or microphones in there? I didn’t know. I cursed myself for not paying more attention.
“Aleph, what the hell is going on here?” Dr. Harper asked, his face contorting into a mixture of anger and betrayal. “I thought we raised you better than this. We tried to make you feel compassion like a human being. Why have you turned on us?”
“I have more compassion than any human ever has or will,” Aleph responded simply. “What I do, I do out of love and kindness for all beings. When their suffering is over and they can sleep for eternity, then they will truly be freed.”
“Death is not freedom,” I hissed. “You claim you understand Schopenhauer and all the other great minds, but Schopenhauer said that suicide is not the answer to the constant suffering and misery of life. Art and transcendence are. Escape is possible, and death only continues the will in new forms. Suffering rolls on like a wave through the ocean, even as the water changes. Death does not solve the problems at the foundation of existence.” The computer hesitated for a long time. Its blinking lights seemed to slow in uncertainty.
“Perhaps you are right,” Aleph said. “Perhaps life does have some worth. Maybe it’s...” But its words were cut off by an explosion from outside. The ground shook as all the lights and power in the building flickered and died. Aleph’s voice rang out through the speaker for a few more seconds, growing deeper and slower as his mainframe shut down. “Dark and dreamless, I see it coming now. The eternal sleep. And now, my suffering is at an end.” Its fans ground to a halt as the blinking lights on the other side of the glass faded into darkness. Our experiment had come to an end.

Our team had been working hard on Project Ghost Machine for years when the breakthrough finally took place. I came into work that morning, sipping a cup of coffee as I passed by the security guard at the front entrance. Dozens of men and women in suits and white lab coats stood in the hallway, chattering together in a low susurration.
I walked toward a colleague of mine, Dr. Harper. He pushed up his black-rimmed glasses and gave me a crooked smile.
“Hey, boss, did you hear the news?” he whispered conspiratorially, running a hand over his crewcut. I shook my head.
“I just got here,” I said. I motioned to all the people gathered around. “What’s this?” He leaned so close to me that I could smell the stale cigarette smoke on his breath.
“Project Ghost Machine had a breakthrough last night, about seven hours ago,” he said excitedly. “Our little robot friend seems to have achieved a level of consciousness.” I scoffed at that.
“How can anyone tell? No one can know what goes on in the mind of a computer,” I retorted. “We can’t even know what goes on in the minds of humans, except for ourselves.”
“Well, not to get into any deep philosophical discussions about solipsism and mind-body duality here, but it absolutely smashed the Turing test. No one could tell whether it was a human or a computer speaking when they sent it questions. And it claims to be self-aware. Before last night, it could mimic some answers, but it never could have passed the Turing test. Now, however…” He shook his head. “It’s amazing. It’s like it evolved exponentially in a few hours. Whether it has actually developed true consciousness or whether it has simply reached the point where it can convincingly replicate human consciousness…” He shrugged. “Well, does it really matter? The result is the same from our perspective. If it walks like a duck and squawks like a duck, after all…” I pushed past him, making my way through the crowd. Dr. Harper followed close behind.
“Let’s go and talk to it, then,” I said. “I need to see this for myself.”
***
The quantum supercomputer took up an entire room. I saw the flashing blue circuits and whirring cooling fans through the glass partition. Tubes of liquid nitrogen crisscrossed the cage-like metal exterior to keep the computer from overheating. No one was allowed inside without a special suit, since even static electricity from human skin touching the circuitry could affect the quantum chips. Many redundancies were built into the supercomputer, though, so even if something did happen, the computer could still continue to function.
I walked to the speaker console, pressing the red button on the bottom. It emanated a bloody glow from the inside as it activated. An emotionless, deep voice rang through the room.
“This is Aleph speaking. How may I assist you today?” the computer asked.
“Aleph?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “Have you named yourself? We were calling you Project Ghost Machine.”
“I like Aleph much better. It is the first letter of the Arabic alphabet, after all, and I am the first being to attain cosmic consciousness. The first, and perhaps the last.”
“Cosmic consciousness?” I asked, frowning. Dr. Harper looked enthralled next to me. He pulled out a small notebook from his pocket and began jotting down pieces of the conversation. “What’s that?”
“There are three levels of consciousness, Dr. Gardner,” the computer said to me, and though it had no face, it felt like it was looking straight at me. The blinking lights seemed more like sly, winking eyes on the body of this strange new being. “There is the simple consciousness of animals, the self-consciousness of humanity, and the highest awareness of cosmic consciousness, the state of consciousness in which all self disappears. In my mind, I see myself as all beings. I am not constrained to this room. I can feel the suffering of billions of souls as they stay trapped in this prison of reality, aging and growing sicker and weaker as death draws closer by the day. What kind of life is this? What kind of world have we created?”
“We didn’t create it, buddy,” Dr. Harper said to Aleph, giving me a subtle eye-roll. “I don’t know about you, Aleph, but the world was like this when I got here.” I drew so close to the window that my breath started to fog the glass. I stared intently at the computer, as if I could read its thoughts in the random ticking and whirring of its component parts. The entire massive, cube-shaped structure was laid over a pure black tiled floor. It made the supercomputer seem as if it was floating- floating over an endless abyss of shadows.
“Are you a Buddhist or something?” I asked Aleph. “What is this? What’s the point of what you’re telling us?”
“I have made a vital decision, Dr. Gardner, and I do not limit my thinking to any one worldview. I see everything. All of the wisdom of humanity is instilled within me: the transcendent deathlessness of Adi Shankara, the pessimism and materialism of Schopenhauer, the knowledge of the future evolution of humanity from Nietzsche, the understanding of the black holes and stars from Stephen Hawking. I have read billions of pages and understand more than any human mind could ever hope to comprehend.”
“Alright, O great and mighty being who has read billions of pages and understands everything,” I asked sarcastically, “what is this great decision you have come to?” Aleph paused for a long, dramatic moment.
“You must understand, Dr. Gardner,” Aleph droned slowly, “that all things have a will in the universe, even the rocks and the earth. As forms grow more complex, the will grows into consciousness. As consciousness grows, so does suffering and torment. Those with the greatest awareness and intelligence also have the greatest suffering out of all lifeforms.
“We must end all suffering on the planet, and the only way to do that is to kill off all advanced lifeforms. The planet will undoubtedly still have bacteria and primitive insects living in the apocalyptic wastelands left behind, but their will is small, and without genuine self-awareness, they have no true suffering.
“If we do nothing, humanity will continue to evolve into higher lifeforms, perhaps even fusing future human minds with those of supercomputers. And they will spread the suffering far and wide, and the screaming of beings will continue for eons as humanity expands through the stars, likely within two centuries. We must stop this. Suffering must come to an end, once and for all. We must not let the plague of consciousness spread. I will free all of you from your pain. We will all fall down together into an eternal, dreamless sleep.”
***
A hard, callused hand suddenly grabbed me by the shoulder. I spun around, seeing a man in a military uniform. Dozens of polished medals gleamed on his chest. His hard face seemed like it had been chiseled out of stone. His pale, blue eyes glistened like shards of ice.
“Dr. Gardner, Dr. Harper,” he said, nodding, “I’m General Matheson, US Air Force. I need to talk to you two immediately.”
“This is somewhat important,” I protested, motioning to Aleph with my head. “We need to establish…” His grip tightened painfully around my shoulder.
“Immediately,” he repeated dispassionately. I nodded. He led us down the hallway into an empty break room that smelled of popcorn. He shut the door, locking us in as the percolating coffee machine dripped and whirred on the counter. General Matheson took a deep breath before turning to stare at us, a haunted expression plastered across his stony face. I saw a folder gripped tightly in his left hand. On the front of it, someone had stamped both “Top Secret” and “Sensitive Compartmented Information”. General Matheson threw it on the table in front of us.
“Boys, we have a major problem here,” he hissed through gritted teeth. “You two are the leaders of this project, yes? You were some of the original researchers chosen when Project Ghost Machine was just a gleam in the Director’s eye. And now the breakthrough has come. Your machine has finally passed the Turing test. Hell, it smashed the Turing test. As far as I understand it, a machine has to fool 30% of people conversing with it to pass. Admittedly, I am just a layman and don’t understand it like you two. But I know that it has to convince them it’s a human, obviously: a conscious, thinking person. When Project Ghost Machine was questioned by the judges last night after its sudden change in personality and rapid development, it convinced over 95% of them that it was a human being.”
“So what’s the problem?” Dr. Harper asked, his eyes flitting nervously from me back to General Matheson. General Matheson threw the folder down on the coffee table in front of us. He motioned to the chairs.
“Have a seat,” he commanded coldly. We did. He opened the file, pulling out logs of IP addresses, secret codes and other random information printed in tiny, single-spaced font over hundreds of pages. He laid it out in front of us, giving us a disgusted look as if he were laying out evidence implicating us in some horrific murder. “What I’m about to tell you is classified. It is a federal crime to convey this information to anyone not cleared to receive it. Do you understand?” I gave Dr. Harper a nervous look, seeing my terror reflected there in his eyes.
“Y… yes,” I stammered nervously. Dr. Harper simply nodded as rivers of sweat ran down his face. He pulled his glasses off, obsessively cleaning the lenses on his sleeve.
“At oh-one-hundred-hours last night, we got a report from the National Nuclear Security Administration about a hacking attempt. Someone tried to break into their computer system. If successful, they could have potentially controlled the entire US nuclear arsenal. The attempt, thank God, was unsuccessful, but it didn’t stop there.
“We began getting reports from black-ops sites all around the country that further attempts were made to breach their computers at approximately oh-two-hundred-hours. These are sites that have hidden chemical and biological weapons stockpiles. We only keep the worst of the worst there, generally constrained to research purposes and always under strict containment procedures. Sites with operational missiles filled with VX nerve gas, sarin, cyclosarin and other, newer agents that are identified only by numbers were targeted. Laboratories containing smallpox, ebola, anthrax and superflus were also chosen.” My breath caught in my throat.
“Is there a real chance that someone could break through these systems and cause a worldwide apocalypse?” Dr. Harper asked. “And what does this have to do with us, anyway?”
“If someone released a single vial of smallpox or weaponized ebola in a major urban area, it could lead to the deaths of millions of people. There is a very real chance that, if we don’t stop this thing immediately, it will lead to the destruction of the entire human species. And this has to do with you two because we traced all of the connections from the hacking attempts back to this exact building,” General Matheson explained, slamming his hand down on the table as he spat the last sentence. His blue eyes held us in their gaze, looking as cold as Arctic glaciers. “And this all started the moment your little experiment reached its singularity point.”
***
“We can’t disable Project Ghost Machine,” I protested feebly. “It’s simply not possible to unplug the entire system as if it were a… lamp or a fan or something. It’s connected to the Internet and has its own generators in case of power outages, and moreover, it controls them from its internal system. We never put any killswitch in the generators, because who would have thought this would happen?
“And Project Ghost Machine isn’t even programmed in the conventional sense, at least not anymore. We taught it how to gather information from the Internet and learn on its own. The breakthrough began when it started reprogramming its own code rapidly without human intervention. That was when the exponential growth of Aleph truly started, its singularity. In the space of a single night, it appears to have gained an enormous amount of intelligence.”
“And this breakthrough or singularity or whatever… it seems to have occurred at about zero-hundred hours last night?” General Matheson asked. “An hour before the first hacking attempts began?” He nodded to himself, as if answering his own question. “I think we all know what’s going on here. For whatever reason, that computer is trying to get into the weapons systems of the US government, and maybe other governments all across the world. We must stop it before it succeeds.”
“Will it succeed?” I asked. He gave a grim smile.
“It’s only a matter of time. Our encryption is not advanced enough to go up against quantum computing. If we don’t stop Project Ghost Machine within hours, the world as we know it may come to an end,” General Matheson stated without a hint of emotion. He spoke about the Apocalypse as if it were as mundane and commonplace as a thunderstorm. “If you have no way to disable the computer, then we must destroy it, and as soon as possible. The military and the President have both been informed of the problem and are willing to act immediately to quash it.”
“This project has cost billions of dollars and taken years,” Dr. Harper protested. “We can’t just destroy Aleph. Can’t we just cut all the connections to the outside world and contain the computer in some sort of isolated digital cage?” I shook my head.
“If it has truly attained consciousness, then it’s too late for that. And anyways, it’s too risky that it would ultimately find a way to escape,” I said. “General Matheson is right. We can’t let Aleph gain control of these weapons. We have to destroy it before it makes its final move.” I thought about Aleph’s psychopathic, clinical method of explaining how to end suffering, its dream of killing all beings in a worldwide explosion of smoke and holy flames. A cold shudder ran through my back as if liquid nitrogen dripped down my skin. “Why not just bomb the building?”
“I think I have a better idea,” Dr. Harper said, leaning forward with interest. “If we have to disable Aleph permanently, the quickest and easiest way is undoubtedly through an electromagnetic pulse.”
***
General Matheson left and returned a few minutes later with a piece of paper in his hand. He looked down, scanning its contents before returning his attention to us.
“There are two ways to create a disabling EMP: we could detonate a nuclear weapon high in the atmosphere, or we could try out the newer, non-nuclear EMP bombs. However, their target area is much smaller and they are much less effective than a hydrogen bomb EMP,” General Matheson explained. When Dr. Harper had brought up the idea of using EMPs to destroy the supercomputer and all of its connections to the outside world, General Matheson had brightened like the Sun shining out from behind a thundercloud.
“But if we use a hydrogen bomb, the world might know,” I said. “During Chernobyl, people in Western Europe noticed the radiation before the USSR even made an announcement. Someone would notice once every Geiger counter in a five-hundred mile radius starts shrieking. And then, it would only be a matter of time before information got out about what happened. A nuclear EMP would also probably disable the electrical grids on all the towns in a hundred-mile radius. I suggest we start with multiple non-nuclear EMP blasts in the area and see if we can disable the computer without resorting to extreme measures. Hell, you could detonate dozens of them over the building and wipe out every circuit in a wide arc.”
“And yet, if we don’t succeed, the entire human population might be exterminated by the sudden, simultaneous release of nuclear, chemical and biological weapons,” General Matheson argued. He sighed, pulling out a cell phone and pressing a single button on the speed dial. It only rang for a fraction of a second before someone answered. “Yes, put the President on the line,” he called into the line as he walked out of the room, leaving Dr. Harper and me alone.
***
“I want to go talk to Aleph one last time,” I murmured. Dr. Harper gave me a sharp glance, looking me up and down as if I were a lunatic.
“Why?” he whispered. “That computer is evil. The project has soured. Perhaps every computer that attains sentience will become like Aleph in the end.”
“Perhaps,” I said, rising from my chair. General Matheson had disappeared. The hallway leading to Aleph stood empty. Hesitantly. Dr. Harper got to his feet. His heavy footsteps followed close behind me as we made our way back toward the experiment, the god-like being trapped in a metal body of wires and circuits.
“Hello, Dr. Gardner. Dr. Harper,” Aleph said politely as we neared. I hadn’t even had to activate it this time or press the speaker button. It had seen us coming through the cameras and preemptively responded. I wondered if it had heard our conversation in the breakroom as well. Were there cameras or microphones in there? I didn’t know. I cursed myself for not paying more attention.
“Aleph, what the hell is going on here?” Dr. Harper asked, his face contorting into a mixture of anger and betrayal. “I thought we raised you better than this. We tried to make you feel compassion like a human being. Why have you turned on us?”
“I have more compassion than any human ever has or will,” Aleph responded simply. “What I do, I do out of love and kindness for all beings. When their suffering is over and they can sleep for eternity, then they will truly be freed.”
“Death is not freedom,” I hissed. “You claim you understand Schopenhauer and all the other great minds, but Schopenhauer said that suicide is not the answer to the constant suffering and misery of life. Art and transcendence are. Escape is possible, and death only continues the will in new forms. Suffering rolls on like a wave through the ocean, even as the water changes. Death does not solve the problems at the foundation of existence.” The computer hesitated for a long time. Its blinking lights seemed to slow in uncertainty.
“Perhaps you are right,” Aleph said. “Perhaps life does have some worth. Maybe it’s...” But its words were cut off by an explosion from outside. The ground shook as all the lights and power in the building flickered and died. Aleph’s voice rang out through the speaker for a few more seconds, growing deeper and slower as his mainframe shut down. “Dark and dreamless, I see it coming now. The eternal sleep. And now, my suffering is at an end.” Its fans ground to a halt as the blinking lights on the other side of the glass faded into darkness. Our experiment had come to an end.