My parents are married for more than 25 years, their marriage is far then good, especially in recent years.
Yesterday they had a big fight, a fight that turn physical, my father doesn't want for my mother to go with our car, and not to wedding he doesn't approve of, it was escalated until my mother threatened to ram to the car into wall, now my mother isn't sane either, I can say dad made her crazy.
She then said will go without the car and go on her own, he held her by neck to stop her and she keeps moving, he doesn't want her to disobey him, I wasn't here to defend her, thankful my little brother managed push him away
My dad says he didn't choke her but merely hold her by the jaw, she started running around the house in hope she can ran away, but my dad closed all doors to stop her, by chance my uncle and mother's brother was nearby and took her away to to my grandparents home
It's messy situation, it's even happened last year in the exact month, with chocking too, that time she threatened to throw my dad's devices into the bathroom, and so he chocked her and throw her into bed.
My mother endured years of abuse from him, but he says because of Islam rules he did nothing wrong and his wife must respect him and not to disobey him, he wants a slave who always listen to every order, he blames my mother's friends and feminism that corrupted her mind.
I even asked him if one of my aunt's husbands did the same to my mother what would he do, he didn't hastate and said that if his sister was as disobedience as my mother her husband can do whatever he wants..
I talked talked to him now and doesn't think he done anything wrong and say my mother is crazy, I told him that my mother and him wants two different things and a divorce would be the best.
He actually agreed, said it will be the best option. I don't know what will happen for now, but I say

fuck islam that made men so powerful and made women so helpless....

My mom is being sued by a law firm representing the HOA for a condo she owns that is being rented out. It appears she missed 3-4 previous court dates for what seems to be two different cases. However, my mom doesn't recall receiving any notifications about these cases. I currently live with my mom (temporarily) and I didn’t see anything either. Due to the missed court dates, there is now a warrant out for her.
For context, all condo-related communications have historically gone to my sister, who manages everything regarding the condo. We believe the HOA might have been sending notices to the condo itself, where the tenant lives, and that the tenant didn't pass them along. It also could’ve been sent to my sister’s house and thrown away (not by my sister). Additionally, my brother-in-law (an accountant) thinks the HOA might have accounting errors, leading them to believe we haven’t paid the HOA fees. We have proof of all payments ready for court.
We’ve tried contacting the law firm suing my mom multiple times, but they haven’t responded. The court date is this week, so we're running out of time to fully understand why we’re being sued.
Any suggestions on what we should do here? My mom had no knowledge of the court dates, and we want to avoid any negative impact on her record. Our family has owned this condo for 15+ years without any issues or missed payments.
Additional info: My mom and dad co-signed with my sister on the condo many years ago. Due to my dad’s early-onset Alzheimer’s, we moved assets into a trust, including the condo. The trust became invalid, so we moved the condo out of the trust, and it’s now solely in my mom’s name until it can transfer to my sister. Our elder law care attorney that we have on retainer told us they couldn’t help us with this situation (even just contacting to see what the fine is for).
Questions: 1. Given that my mom missed several court dates without knowing about them, what are her options to address the warrant and the missed dates? 2. How should we approach the court about the lack of notification and our proof of payment? If it happens to be about something else such as fine for the tenant having X on their porch or something else, should we ask for a continuance? 3. What steps can we take if the law firm continues to be unresponsive? 5. Would it be beneficial to bring up the historical handling of condo-related communications by my sister and the possibility of tenant interference in court?
Any advice or in insights (even outside of the specific questions that maybe I didn’t think of) would be greatly appreciated. I looked up the law firm and the reviews (yes I know they may not be true) make me a bit worried that we are dealing with a nightmare of a firm when it comes to responding and being reasonable. Please please help! Thank you!

I remember hearing this story as a teen and it never made sense to me. I didn’t speak up at the time but wish I did. Remember the big tsunami that happened in 2004 in Thailand? Well a PIMI sister and her PIMI weird inappropriate husband told me the story how some brothers were in Thailand. Some brothers decided to go out in service the day of the tsunami and some brothers decided to take it easy and go to the beach. They asked “what do you think happened to the brothers who went to the beach?” Obviously they died. Then they asked “what do you think happened to the brothers that put Jehovah first? They are alive” The point was always choose field service over relaxing. Did anyone else hear this story or a similar one? I know it isnt true but they always circulated fear inducing stories that were made up. Even back then as a PIMI TEEN I thought to myself “why would they be punished for wanting to enjoy Jehovah’s creation? What if they had gone in service everyday of the week and this was their only day off?” So dumb.

Aita for not wanting to talk to my sister? I had a rough night at work and afterwards I ended up having to go out of town to go get my sister. I had gotten a call from my mom telling me how rough of a day she's had and that I had to be nice to her, I had nothing nice to say so I planned on not talking to her at all. My sister has always been the center of attention, and been my mother's favorite, so if anything happened to her little girl it was everything and anything she could do to make her feel better. If she did anything that upset me then it was brushed under a rug because I'm not her. For the last couple of months my sister had ran away from home after almost hurting our baby brother, she had been asked to watch him while my mom was doing something with epoxy and instead of watching him she left the house and he has consumed some of it (he's ok now), but to show what kind of person my sister is, she ran away from home that day, and when my mother finally got a hold of her she ended up asking how the situation was going to affect her, asking if she was going to lose her phone because of it, none of that call had she asked if the baby was ok. Sense that day she's been gone, she'd come to visit but only to get something out of it, trying to get one of my prom dresses, or trying to get vapes from our parents. Our mother would always give into everything for her and it's always about keeping her happy. Even when she pulled a knife on me, or when she shit talks my boyfriend. She has never said anything nice to me, and yet I have to be nice to her? Her and her friends always tell me how ugly my boyfriend is, and how he's such a shitty person. I feel like out of all these things I have built up hatred, and depression and for years it's been like this, and for years I've always had to take the backseat with my emotions so she could be the center of attention. So aita for not wanting to talk to her?

an older sister said "i remember this experience from a convention many years ago and it's always been dear to my heart. a young brother was called "square" by his classmates for putting spiritual things first. the brother said to his classmates "i may be square now, but at least i'll be around after armageddon!""
...and everyone laughs😐

I made a post in helpme and one of the comments told me to ask about it here.
In short my parents both passed away, and made no attempt to make sure my older (47f) autistic sister would be cared for. They left no will, no trust, nothing. My brother and myself are left to tend to their estate, plan and pay for a funeral, and figure out what to do with our sister.
We are not fit to take care of her. Mentally, physically or financially.
A friend of mine has autistic children, and she has given the number for a lawyer who specializes in autism.
I believe my sister has medicaid in Missouri. I do not know if she has ssi benefits or not. My brother and myself live in kansas.
I want to make sure I ask the right questions for my consultation.
Any advice on what to do in this situation would be fantastic. I am unbelievably overwhelmed.
Thank you.

Recently my sister has been really trying to get into the military, and after some talking I told her to study as much as she could for the ASVAB as it can determine how helpful it is when she gets out of the military (In terms of what job she gets). She dropped out of high school, and she thinks that this is her only opportunity to do something “Big”. I supported her for the first couple of months but after I saw she wasn’t studying like she said she was, I lost interest in trying to help her.
She went to the recruiting office and took her first test shortly after I stopped helping her and she ended up getting a 16. Now I’m not a genius myself but I was pretty disappointed. So I decided to try and help her again to hopefully make her realize that it’s not as hard as she is making it seem, but instead she continues to go on a rant about how she will do it later. My mom and dad have always catered to her giving her no responsibility growing up (including letting her drop out) simply because she is the only girl in the family other than my mom. I tried many times to convince my mom to talk to her but without a doubt, I know she didn’t.
Anyway. Some more time passed and she ended up going and taking it again with my younger brother present and scored a 19, but told my family she got a high 90. Even though my brother told everyone what she really got. They insisted that he was just trying to make her look bad. My mom made it a big thing, throwing her a small party, posting on Facebook about it, and even bragging to me about how she got 10 points higher than me and my brother. (we both are in the military so we know how kind of jobs a 20 can get you…. Barely any good jobs)
To top it all off, my sister convinced my mom that I should congratulate her for getting a high score, and my mom and dad have been calling and yelling at me that I should support my sister. I refuse to add onto the lies.
AITA for not congratulating my sister?

my step-daughter (21f, we'll call her Mary) and my son (20m, we'll call him Louis) have been secretly dating for the past 2 years (or so they say). Mary and Louis have known each other since they were 4 and 3, respectively. Mary's mother (43f, call her Amy) and i (46m) met in a support group for widowers, and we bonded over the fact both of our first spouses were taken from us in workplace accidents. it was a strange thing to bond over, i guess, but, after about 2 years of dating we got married and to this day are very in love. now, as to our step-children, we both have amazing relationships with them. i always refer to Mary as my daughter, and i only clarify she's not related to me here for... well, hopefully obvious reasons, and my wife refers to my bio-son as hers as well. we both legally adopted each and they call us mom and dad instead of step-dad or whatever. Amy and i also have a son together, call him Robby, who's 11.
when they sat us down and told us about their secret relationship, i have to admit i was shocked and disgusted. a lot of things clicked into place, like the fact that neither of them dated in high school despite not being unattractive or socially awkward, or that they had started treating their little brother a bit awkwardly about 5 or 6 years ago (it didn't last long and i chalked it up to teenage hormones at the time), etc. they said it's only been two years, but i didn't believe them when they told us and i don't believe them now. i admit, both i and my wife said things we shouldn't have when they initially told us. i don't want to repeat it but it was bad and we apologized profusely.
we sat down again a few weeks later to talk more about it. they confessed that watching Robby grow and realizing that he'll have kids one day made them feel insecure and upset that their kids won't be related to both of us like Robby's will be. when i asked if that was the only reason they were together, they adamantly insisted that they do actually love each other, but it was "a consideration", they admitted. they said that they intend to get married sometime in the next few years and asked for our blessing, which we said we'd have to think about.
i can't shake the feeling that this is wrong. but is it actually wrong or am i blinded by the love i have for Mary as her father? she's not related to Louis, so their kids wouldn't run the risk of being born with 11 fingers or something. and it does seem like they really love each other. but im worried that this is all just spurred on by their desire to have kids related to both of us and that they'll regret this later. or maybe that's just me worrying that i'll regret it somehow. i don't know. i talked to Amy about this and we both ended up having to admit that we like the idea of our grandkids being related to both of us, which, honestly, made my skin crawl to say out loud considering the context. but i don't know why it disgusts me so much. they're not related. it just seems so creepy considering they've referred to each other as brother and sister their whole lives.
am i making too much of a deal out of this? am i still just in shock? they're not related, so why does this bother me so much? is it really wrong or am i being unreasonable?

A lot happened before my father passed my sisters both demanded accounts and signed on the way they owned our father and her to the lot of large amount of money before he retired one sister had full control to put one account and because her husband had knowledge of how to control people with these accounts and how to sign them to where you own them and could walk away with all that one dollar unless my dad wanted to press charges felony and he did not he lived with that for several years the thing was my brother-in-law demanded I didn't no help and no cash from my father who bought me a vehicle and he also demanded who bought from him so he could have his own cash that started a bad thing but on the other note my other sister and brother planned a long time ago to steal all on the end and one sister her whole name go in life was to still everything in the end to work as a librarian in order to mingle with authorities with a plan of cutting me out because mother made her hate me when we were children she told her she was a real oldest daughter I was adopted by my father in the state of Missouri because I had no father my mother was abusive to me and she got her words she cut me out she got threw me out of the family they had me abused I had a death threat at one time when my memories came back I have an appointment to talk to a trusted her recovery attorney next week but it's well down to now it's a dirty stuff but they're still a very large amount of money missing that was too preachers one being a bad lawyer who was elected to prosecutor because of his name the state of Missouri couldn't help me with that because he was elected. There's no protection for heirs even though there's laws in Missouri. And when did in-laws with hating their heart and greed they come errors assets were never reported I never got anything from my dad as far as I had property stored there I finally got my camper but it cost me a lot my brother forced me to sign titles and soon tops and my sister would use them on something I told her it would be fraud because they couldn't Court can tell immediately that the paper was added to after the signature landlords can't get away with that anymore unless the person can't take them to court then they do cuz it happened to me before my thoughts are I was abused my life was certain all this Northwest Missouri it's very corrupt a bank account was moved when I was dying in another state and the prosecutor won't even let me look because it's been a few years back I need prosecutor the bank was concerned like there was a criminal and that prosecutor said get a lawyer well that's all I was told by a person well when they have more money and they've used pictures to launder money they use the prosecutor to get their way to not probate a larger state and they turn their back on me that goes to me like I am a disease because I know what they did my life was in dangerous I still don't feel safe I'm in this town I'm working on getting away from here so I can take care of the rest of this but my children didn't deserve to be cut out my father did not do this they did what they wanted for very large amount of money who got a very large attack right before he died and then I don't know who got the money I'm not money doesn't drive me but the fact that they did what they did has me irritated because my children did not deserve this my brother was supposed to probate and help me get all this done so my sister's got their way so far but my mother was in the background she was the first ex-wife and he was single but my one sister control freak controlled dad never move after his last divorce and he couldn't trust her she stole tooth imagine that grave sold them a year later without telling him to make banked on that but she did that because my other sister would find onto his largest inheritance account and controlling him with it he didn't press start his own either one but he did turn him in before he died after he got that last check he was bullied that's why they wanted my memory is gone I hired somebody to come into my life I found Love with a narcissist who was there for hire St Joe Missouri is very corrupt Andrew county was where the prosecutor fake probate attorney was they're still a fake casing at the judge refused to move it off but my brother is no longer represented who paid it to get it stopped to get those two titles back my father bought way more local than that my brother and said he was doing his own probate he bullied me to sign in 15 titles two were property I can't find out where those went except for I know they were laundered through his church his Titan picture who greedy preacher but also was involved and getting money off the top that's I'm in the assets it's all a mess it's a very big mess I'm talking to Tony next week another one thing is only have one chance that they got more money than they're counting you know I they laundered money they did it's on public 300 vehicles cars and trucks at dad bought for probate my brother promised to do with me that sisters pays him to do with that program that month is already had the prosecuting attorney as a lawyer he's not even a probate lawyer and now he's not a prosecutor attorney who knows he did wrong he's also a preacher but he's one of those tithing pictures like the other one putting printers lying their own pockets with other people's money they don't give it to the floor they're legal things in my eyes but I'm opinionated

Setting
It’s been nearly two years since the world ended in flames and the majority of the human kind perished. The Lincoln State Correctional Center in Ohio, or now simply "Lincoln", is a community run by the self-proclaimed Samaritans. They are a well-organized and ruthless group that thrives on hostile takeovers of remaining pockets of survivors and oppression of the low ranking residents. Prison origins and stratification—it's a harsh reality where a bunch of top dogs and their "dictator" are in charge of the majority. Majority of the hard working people. Some of them are ex-inmates, others rescued survivors or assimilated involuntarily.
There are rumors of certain Lincoln residents preparing to rebel against the tyranny—an underground movement raging against the “King” and his merciless rules.
Which side are you on when the riots start?
https://i.imgur.com/PJ0hnaw.gif
Roleplay Guidelines

• not for the faint of heart, realistic depiction of a post-apocalyptic America taking place around two years since the outbreak
  
• relaxed-paced roleplay for adults who can post at least 2 paragraphs of high effort text in a public space
  
• your character can be part of the Samaritans, one of the rebelling captives or someone else caught in between
  
• if you're interested in hearing more please reach out to me and if you already have a character in mind, give me their short description!
  

I’m ready to share more lore, writing samples and to answer your questions! After a short conversation I’ll be happy to invite you to our discord server.
Teaser:
The rhythmic thuds above picked up his heart rate. Like an army marching in one place—their hammering feet punching dust off the ceiling.
Andrew drew his limbs closer, hands fisting, whole body braced. He knew that chanting. Demand heard in the hundreds of voices. The *blood sport. And God, for what, for human entertainment. But they've been there already, for centuries. Societies that were feeding the population with gore and pain of their unlucky brothers and sisters.*
Didn't they evolve by now?
Did the end of days so easily push mankind back to the Dark Ages?
Were they this hopeless?
The heavy mechanism of the solitary cell released the door with a clunk. Andrew dug his nails into curled palms, shutting his eyes tight for a few heartbeats to brace the shattered soul for what was to come. Then he sprung up, ignoring the burn in his joints and the bile in his throat. He wasn’t going to cower!

So to put some background on this, my (22M) girlfriend (22F) and I have been together for 4 years. We started living together after a year but she would come over to my dads where I was living at the time frequently and would often stay over for a few days at a time.
It hasn’t been a perfect relationship but we make it work. We’re each others best friend and we did a lot of growing together from the time we were still 18. Right now, we have an apartment that isn’t in the best area but it’s spacious with a decent sized kitchen, has a nice bathroom and 3 bedrooms that we pay $925 a month on.
We’ve been here for a little over a year with little complaints other than the traffic from the road below and local crackheads that wander the streets at night. In addition there’s no washer or dryer and the place is on the third floor but this has been something I haven’t really struggled with.
We also have four cats together that we love very much.
Well, recently she had talked to me about buying a house. I said I didn’t want to, that we don’t have the money to begin with and I felt that we were too young and would soon need better jobs. I’m the breadwinner by a small margin but I’ve been slowly getting raised up towards $24 an hour at my concrete job. She makes about $21 working at Menards.
To add to this, I’ve been thinking about going to college to be a history teacher and owning a house wouldn’t really fit in with a college students budget.
However, my girlfriend who we’ll call K, decided to go in on a house with her mom and sister. Now, her family is a whole other post in their entirety, just know that Ks mom isn’t any more financially stable than we are and has a soft spot for Ks druggy, asshole brothers who are 10 years older than us with kids they don’t take care of and don’t even drive.
You might be able to see why I’d be apprehensive about living with her family.
Today, they put an offer down on a house that costs $123,000 with their preapproved loan of $100,000. I should mention by this point, none of them wanted my name on the house to begin with. I’d be paying off their mortgage with my rent if I’d decided to move in with them.
I’ve talked to a number of people I trust, my age and older, and most of them have said that I shouldn’t continue with the relationship. I’m thinking that they’re right.
If you made it this far, I appreciate it. I just feel pretty vulnerable right now because this is a big change that I don’t feel prepared for and want to know what other people think about this. I’ll be happy to answer any questions for clarification on anything or whatever.

Setting
It’s been nearly two years since the world ended in flames and the majority of the human kind perished. The Lincoln State Correctional Center in Ohio, or now simply "Lincoln", is a community run by the self-proclaimed Samaritans. They are a well-organized and ruthless group that thrives on hostile takeovers of remaining pockets of survivors and oppression of the low ranking residents. Prison origins and stratification—it's a harsh reality where a bunch of top dogs and their "dictator" are in charge of the majority. Majority of the hard working people. Some of them are ex-inmates, others rescued survivors or assimilated involuntarily.
There are rumors of certain Lincoln residents preparing to rebel against the tyranny—an underground movement raging against the “King” and his merciless rules.
Which side are you on when the riots start?
https://i.imgur.com/PJ0hnaw.gif
Roleplay Guidelines

• not for the faint of heart, realistic depiction of a post-apocalyptic America taking place around two years since the outbreak
  
• relaxed-paced roleplay for adults who can post at least 2 paragraphs of high effort text in a public space
  
• your character can be part of the Samaritans, one of the rebelling captives or someone else caught in between
  
• if you're interested in hearing more please reach out to me and if you already have a character in mind, give me their short description!
  

I’m ready to share more lore, writing samples and to answer your questions! After a short conversation I’ll be happy to invite you to our discord server.
Teaser:
The rhythmic thuds above picked up his heart rate. Like an army marching in one place—their hammering feet punching dust off the ceiling.
Andrew drew his limbs closer, hands fisting, whole body braced. He knew that chanting. Demand heard in the hundreds of voices. The *blood sport. And God, for what, for human entertainment. But they've been there already, for centuries. Societies that were feeding the population with gore and pain of their unlucky brothers and sisters.*
Didn't they evolve by now?
Did the end of days so easily push mankind back to the Dark Ages?
Were they this hopeless?
The heavy mechanism of the solitary cell released the door with a clunk. Andrew dug his nails into curled palms, shutting his eyes tight for a few heartbeats to brace the shattered soul for what was to come. Then he sprung up, ignoring the burn in his joints and the bile in his throat. He wasn’t going to cower!

*** Update : Reading of the Will Part 2 - The Drama Begins **\*
I’m going to try and get this out quickly and maybe a little more briefly because honestly things are happening so fast now that I don’t think I’ll be able to keep up with these posts.
Before I pick-up where I left off yesterday let me just share that the Chief of Police has been out to see me twice, two of my relatives are facing charges, and more than half of the family has been raging. More on that later.
Not everyone has been toxic though, I’ve had calls and visits from several relatives that told me they were happy for me and offered their support and my father has been there every step of the way. More on that later.
Sam has been the bright spot in all of this, her schedule at the hospital is crazy but when she isn’t there or at her house sleeping or changing, she’s been with me. She and I were together all the way through junior and senior high so she was basically part of the family but now she’s getting to a whole new level of insanity firsthand. She's remained supportive during all of it. When I told her last night about what Joe had done, well - that's a whole nother story!
Anyway – back to The Reading:
As soon as JA put down Joe’s letter and reached for a file, my aunt Patricia and my sister Sarah both started yelling, my cousin David stood up looking furious, jerked the door to the conference room open and left, slamming it behind him and my cousin Steven started coming around the conference table, not sure if he was coming at me or JA but he didn’t look happy. My uncle, Emily, and my other cousin were just staring at everyone in disbelief.
My father jumped up to get in between Steven and JA / me but the gentleman in the back was already on him. At this point it was obvious why he’d been brought in, turns out he’s a sheriff’s deputy from a neighboring county and the JA and Joe had wanted to err on the side of caution by having someone there. As soon as he grabbed Steven my Aunt and sister immediately shut-up to see what was happening. Steven was frog marched out of the conference room and JA followed him out along with my father. A few minutes later they all came back in except for the deputy who remained outside the door for the rest of the meeting. While they were gone everyone was completely silent and JA walked back in to a much more attentive group.
Obviously annoyed, he grabbed his file and asked everyone to wait until he was finished before anyone asked any questions. He explained there while he had been instructed to open the meeting by reading Joe’s letter there had been some updates to the will since Joe’s wrote the letter. Cousins who did not live within 100 miles of our town would receive the $100,000 even if they didn’t attend the reading. Joe had evidently also amended the will at some point after the letter was written to gift members of the family that did not attend $50,000.
JA went on to clarify that while Joe’s will had no conditions on the use of the money it did stipulate that should there be any challenge to the will or attempt to interfere with the orderly estate closure the individuals involved would not receive anything at all.
He wrapped up by explaining that there was adequate cash in the estate to pay any taxes associated with he estate and inheritance in addition to the cash gifts given to each of the family members. All property taxes had already been paid on the real estate and that was no debt associated with the estate. As a result, he expected an uncontested and simple probate period, despite the size of the estate. He shared that he hoped to see the funds distributed in a few months and asked if anyone had any questions.Patricia and Susan started to speak at the same time while Emily raised her hand. JA waved for my aunt and sister to be quiet and asked Emily what questions she had.
Emily just wanted to know if she had to wait until she was 25 to receive her inheritance since she was under 25 but over 18. JA explained that she was under 18 when the will was written but since she was now an adult there would be no waiting period. He did caution her to be careful with the funds and offered to assist her in handling them at no charge. He told her they could either be a a lot of fun for a short period of time or could make a big difference in her life in the future if she was careful. Emily thanked him and said that’s all she wanted to know.
My sister raised her hand next while Patricia sat there looking annoyed. She asked how new the will was. JA explained that while this version was written two years ago it had basically been the same for almost 18 years with changes mostly just reflecting increases in his gifts to the family. Answering the unasked question, he added that I had always been the primary beneficiary and that Joe’s intentions had always been crystal clear.
JA also shared that during the 18 years that this version of will had been in force Joe had increased the value of the estate by well over $175 million dollars, and that his mental health was never in question. Finally, he looked directly at each of the family members there and told them that if I had passed away before Joe the entire estate would have gone into a conservation trust, there would have been no gifts to the family at all. As an attorney I thought his point was crystal clear, you were never considered, don’t make trouble, you won’t win.
Patricia evidently didn’t get the point, still refusing to wait to be acknowledged, she jumped in and asked whether he was he sure this was the only will, was there maybe one somewhere else? She said she couldn’t believe her Uncle would leave them out like this. I wanted to roll my eyes but just kept a straight face, she hadn’t bothered to speak to him for at least as long as Debbie had and probably significantly longer. She lived even closer to her than Debbie and it’s not like we lived in a huge city.
It was when she said “I think WE need to go through his things, he must have changed his will and just not told you. Alex obviously manipulated my dear Uncle Joe.” (yes, she actually sounded just like a soap opera cliché’) that my father had evidently heard enough.
He slammed his hand down on the conference room table and in a voice that was as commanding now as it likely was 30 years ago declared “You absolutely will not go through his things. You’ve squandered everything you’ve ever been given, you know it, Joe knew it, and you’ve made sure I know it because for the last several years you’ve had me supplementing both your income and your sister’s. Don’t even think about making trouble over this, not only can you not afford an attorney, if you do contest this I’ll cut you AND your sister both off. That goes for all my children as well.
Turning to his brother he look at him pointedly and said “Rick, I trust I don’t have to worry about you or your children doing something stupid.” Rick looked down at the table for a minute and then looked back at my dad before saying something to the effect of. “No, I know what happened between Dad and Joe, and looking back Joe was right. I understand why he did what he did and have known for a long time that we screwed up. I’m not going to make it worse, and neither will my children if they know what’s good for them.” He also looked at Patricia and told her that she had treated Uncle Joe terribly, just like everyone else, and that she needed to shut up before she made things worse.
After a moment of general quiet JA asked if anyone had any other questions. No one said a word so he said that we were done for today and that if anyone did think of more questions to just contact him at the office. He told everyone what the will was filed with the probate court that morning and that we’d all receive formal notices shortly. He offered to provide everyone with a copy of the will or told them they could request it directly from the probate court.
With that everyone stood up to leave he asked me to stay back and said we had a lot to cover. I turned to my dad and asked if he’d stay as well. He agreed, JA had lunch brought in and that’s when we really started getting into the details, which I’ll have to share as appropriate but suffice it to say that it’s a complex estate.
Other than that, there is SO much going on. Someday I’m going to be glad I wrote this all down, right now it’s just overwhelming. I may make an update about the family drama that’s unfolding, plus some more about Sam and I. I do think it’s worth sharing what Joe did to hold the family’s legacy together and to build on it. They say still waters run deep… I think I understand that expression better now. I hope I can do half as well as he did.
So much for making this brief!
*** UPDATE: Joe’s Legacy ***
I’m going to summarize what was a three hour initial meeting with JA, my father ,and a series of managers that oversaw Joe’s holdings. The bottom line is that Joe and his brother (my Great Grandfather) had a serious difference of opinion about how the land should be handled. Since the land was easily divided they split the tracts and each went their own way. Enough of the land was already producing revenue from land leases that the family lived very comfortably and didn’t even bother to push for more to be leased out. My Great Grandfather didn’t want to mess with the leases or see the money come in a little at a time, he wanted a lot of money and he wanted it right away. As a result he eventually started selling it off, just smaller parcels at first, but over time he started selling larger and larger tracts.
Joe couldn’t have been any more different but he couldn’t stand the idea of someone else owning our families land. He actively began marketing leases and finding users until about 80% of the property was producing revenue. That gave him the cash flow to buy the land my grandfather was selling. It couldn’t have been easy at first and JA said that in the beginning he had to take out loans to buy the property, but over time he was tucking away so much money every year that he was able to simply pay cash whenever his brother sold off a piece. By the time my grandfather died about 20 years ago he had consolidate 45,000 acres under group of holding companies, a large portion of it producing.
Joe never married (in fact he rarely dated, although I think there may be more to it that simply his desire for privacy) and maintained a simply life, He simply socked away all the revenue from the land and held it to buy more real estate as the opportunity existed. When the Great Recession hit in 2008 he had so much cash on hand that he was able to not only purchase the rest of the land that had ended up with my father and his siblings, he also was able to extend the land holdings significantly beyond that.
He had done something similar in the 70’s and 80’s when the small towns across the U.S. saw businesses closing and buildings sitting empty on Main Street. As those buildings sat vacant Joe purchased them for pennies on the dollar. Among the real estate held by the estate are dozens of buildings and parcels, primarily in our town but also throughout the rest of the valley. All are now occupied although many are rented far below market rates to local business owners. JA said the journals would explain that.
Outside of the real estate, Joe made investments in businesses that he thought had merit. His estate has interests in over 20 locally owned successful enterprises and a couple that eventually moved out of the valley and went public. He stayed away from most stocks, saying he didn’t know much about “big business” (ironic) but did invest in and hold blue chip stocks when the real estate market wasn’t offering “good deals”.
About 35 years ago though he stopped buying anything except for the a few properties that were particularly important to him, other than the land that his father had once held. He avoided making business investments or buying any stock that had any hint of instability. His focus was on building adequate cash to cover estate and inheritance taxes that couldn’t be mitigated or avoided completely by proper planning. As a result he was able to fund trusts establishing a community foundation and a family trust. In fact, both of those already exist outside of probate and will require some immediate attention.
At the end of the meeting JA passed me back the box of journals and the rolled maps he had laid out on the table. The maps contained detailed notes about the properties and the circumstances of their acquisition. It will take me quite a while to get familiarized with them as we didn’t touch on any particular parcels or buildings during the meeting, save one notable one.
After my recovery, but Joe asked me if I wanted to live with him while I figured out what I was going to do. Since the university where I was going to be going to law school was not far from town, I took him up on it. We lived together for nearly two years before my graduation, although I spent my fair share of nights staying at friends’ home after late night study sessions. Joe had a converted apartment above the barn where he kept the Jaguar and a couple of other cars and I moved into it, so we both had our privacy. Going up and down the steep stairs felt like an easier version of rehab and the quiet of being in a barn overlooking the woods was the perfect transition back to real life.
After I graduated, I made the decision to hang out my own shingle about a year after passing the Bar and working as a junior associate at a larger firm. Being older than all the other junior associates was fine but being with a large firm just wasn’t for me. Joe asked me if I was going to continue to stay with him but I told him I planned on moving closer to town as soon as I could find something cheap enough. I explained that I felt like I needed to get back into the community to start building the practice and be more accessible to clients. He thought that was a great idea and I started looking around but wasn’t in a hurry.
About a month later I “ran into” JA and he mentioned that he heard I was looking for an office. He said he had a client that had just renovated one of the downtown buildings and was looking for a tenant. His client didn’t want to give anyone long term lease and so he knew he had to make the rent cheap enough to accept the risk that they might have to move out on short notice. There was an apartment on the second floor and professional offices on the first floor. Once he told me how much the rent would be I took it sight unseen and have lived there for three years.
JA had a smile on his face when he mentioned that my home was now literally “my” home. Evidently, as soon as I told Joe I wanted to move closer to town he had contractors begin rehabbing the building as quickly as possible. Two crews had worked for a month to turn it into an incredible apartment for and the perfect office for a small town lawyer. I have to admit that for the last three years I had been keeping my fingers crossed that I wasn’t going to lose my “too good to be true” rent deal. There is no doubt in my mind that Joe had did more to influence things around this town than anyone, save a select few, ever knew.
JA said we had a lot more to go through but that it had been a long day for everyone. He suggested we pick up the conversation next week, at my convenience. He told me to call him anytime over the weekend if I had any immediate questions. He reminded me that in addition to being one of the firm’s largest clients Joe was also his best friend. He said he’d like to talk soon more about Joe – that there were things I needed to know that probably weren’t in the journals. I thanked him and asked if my dad and I could use the conference room a little while longer. He said of course and started gather his things up.
Before he stood-up to go he paused and with a look of momentary discomfort said: “One last item. The “assistant” we had in the back of the room is a sheriff’s deputy one county over. We felt it best to have security due to the size of the estate and the circumstances of the distribution. We’ve retained him along with several other deputies from nearby counties to maintain 24-hour security over the next several days, just until tempers cool down.”
I was shocked, I hadn’t even considered that someone in the family might want to harm me. I started to shake my head, getting ready to object, certain that it wasn’t necessary, when my father put his hand on my arm and spoke first. “That’s a great idea – I’m sure it won’t be needed but given the circumstance you can’t be too cautious, for Alex AND for anyone that might be around him.”
As he said that my thoughts went to Sam, and I felt guilty for not thinking of her safety. I just nodded and said thank you, that we’d revisit security needs next week after things cooled off.
With that, JA got up, shook our hands, and left. Dad and I sat quietly for a moment, looking at the papers in front of me. Dad spoke first. “You gave Joe something no one else in the family did and he gave back to you in an equal way. Don’t question this and don’t let anyone else cause you to doubt whether this was fair. You’re the only one in the family that Joe could count on to respect his life’s work. If it had been handled any other way his years would have been wasted and he knew it.”
Dad was right, Joe had instilled in me the same respect for our way of life and our family’s legacy that he had. I knew that it was up to me to pass it on. The money was a huge life changer, but the responsibility he had passed on to me was what really had me thinking. Protecting our family’s legacy and preserving our community’s heritage and way of life, he had spent a lifetime building the resources he knew I would need if I was going to honor his vision.
I hope I’m able to make him proud. I told Dad I’d appreciate his help navigating the situation and told him how unprepared I felt to take this on. I asked him how much he knew about everyone’s (our relatives) financial situation and whether he had any idea how people were going to react. He shared that both his sisters had been reckless, they were living on a minimal income, supplemented by him. That their kids had drained them over the years and were themselves, for the most part, overextended. His brother had been more careful and didn’t have to worry but that his divorce had cost him and that when he died there wouldn’t be much to leave the children.
I didn’t ask, but he told me that he was better off than the rest. Even though he had been married three times he and his first wife (my oldest brother’s mother) divorced after just a couple of years and it hadn’t been very costly. It was quite a few years later that he married my mother, we lost her to cancer around 15 years ago. Dad said that when he sold the land it wasn’t because he wanted to live it up, he just didn’t want to deal with the property or manage the leases anymore. He had invested well over the years and didn’t need the headache as he got older.
He also told me that he had a very clear prenup with Jessica and that if they remained married she would receive an allowance after he passed and have a condo in a nice resort community in the area to live in for the rest of her life, but that she was not going to be receiving a sizable portion of the estate. He told me that as immature as could be sometimes that she was well meaning and that after the loss of my mother she had brought him happiness again. He said she forced him to stay young in order to keep up with her.
He told me she felt horrible about the way she handled the call with me, she was trying to be helpful and went about it horribly wrong. She wanted to try and get in front of it with the family because she knew I would want the car. Evidently, she had also told Dad he needed to buy it for me if I didn’t have the cash. I guess I misjudged her as badly as Joe misread the situation with Dad. I’ve got to do better if I’m ever going to be able to bring the family together.
Since he and Joe didn’t speak anymore he never knew Joe had held onto his land (and he’d certainly never told me) or that he would have wanted to buy it, so he put it on the market and reinvested the proceeds of the sale. His investments had done well and although his estate was nothing like Joe’s he didn’t need to worry about money, could help his sisters, and expected each of his children to helped well along in their retirement planning when he died.
I couldn’t believe how much I’d mistaken I’d been about Dad’s financial planning – maybe I picked up on Joe’s disdain for what he thought everyone was doing or maybe it was because, as a family we really didn’t talk much about money.
Dad and his siblings never really had normal careers so us kids money just “was” – it wasn’t until later that you really got to understand how hard most people worked for it. I know that my oldest brother and some of my cousins had struggled to put together normal lives, lacking much in the way of an example from our parents.
Joe had assumed my father had as little regard for the opportunities he had been given as his brother had had. I can’t believe that my father and Joe shared so much more in common than they thought. I immediately realized unless we wanted the family’s “legacy” to be misunderstandings and unrealistic life expectations the first thing that would have to change was going to be how we communicated.
I feel like Dad was thinking the same thing I was. It had been a long and emotional day, it was almost 4:30 and I knew that most people had probably already left the firm’s offices for the day. I didn’t want to take advantage of anyone and suggested we talk over the weekend. Dad agreed and said he’d be making some calls this evening to talk to other people in the family and would update me.
Both of our phones had been on silent, and when he mentioned making calls I looked down to see I had 37 missed calls and over 20 new messages I noticed Dad looking at his and the expression on his face told me that he was seeing the same thing. We stood up and hugged before gathering up our folders. I grabbed my backpack and Dad packed his briefcase (I just can’t bring myself to carry one or an attache) and we headed to the door.
Leaving the conference room we found the deputy waiting outside the doors, waiting to introduce himself. Dad gave him his number and asked him to call if he needed anything. I explained I was going to be meeting a friend for dinner but that first I was going to go change. He said he’d be posted outside my building or wherever I went until 7:00, after which he’d would be changing places with the next deputy. I asked Dad not to say anything about the security since I didn’t want to drive a wedge between myself and the family and he agreed. In hindsight me might have avoided some drama later if I hadn’t asked that, but I still think it was for the best.
I had about two hours to kill before I was going to meet Sam and share what happened that day. I knew she’d be happy about the property and the car but I didn’t know how she’d react to the news. I will share that it wasn’t what I expected.
Sorry – this is long again. I’m going to have to try and catch-up at some point but I’ll have to save what happened during my talk with Sam and the first of this weekend’s “family issues” for the next post.
Thanks again for all the well wishes and for giving me things to think about.

Salam,
We need to understand something clearly our parent's generation are one of the main reasons for the Zaniyah crisis. The western Muslim parents treat their male and female offspring the same, which is a huge crime according to the Quran, Allah is very clear that the Male is not like the Female (3:36). We should not be expecting our daughters to go to mixed University and get a job, that should not be their main soulless goal in life, their main goal should be to get married, they can also get educated and get jobs but that should be secondary or done in parallel.
It does not matter what you will become in the future, Doctor, Engineer, Professional Athlete, University Professor, etc ... every young Muslim man (15-25) is entitled to go about his life with a female Muslima in hand in lawful engagement first then marriage. Do not let anyone, especially your parents or the immoral West, take that right from you as a young man for their selfish mostly financial goals. Man up and take the initiative even if you are in high school. Getting into a halal lawful relationship with a Muslima that you intend to marry as early as possible will allow you to reach your full potential as Muslim Man in this life, you will have reason and her presence will allow you to fight the challenges of life properly. The lack of her in your life will lead to misery and you will get depressed and see no reason to try your hardest.
Your parents want you, the Muslim Man (18-25) to wait until you are 30 to get married. These same parents send their 18 year old western hijabi Muslima daughters to mixed University where a large portion of them not only do not wait for marriage, but commit Zina or get into relationships with K#phirs, which should be extremely enraging for the so called Muslim parents, especially the fathers who are supposed to have Gheerah over their women, but you find that they do not care. The parents will choose this option over getting her married young and protecting her with the excuse that marrying young will led to her not completing her education because she will not be focused on studying, which in of itself is a horrible excuse, as you can do both marriage and education if you really want to (You have a lot of energy when you are young which is a blessing from Allah that we western Muslims are not using to the fullest).
Young western Muslim men (15-25), you have every right to get engaged/married and enjoy the partnership of a Muslima at as young as you can, do not get told otherwise by your money-worshipping so-called Muslim parents. Allah blessed you with the feelings of inclination to females that you have at your young age for a reason, he does not want you to wait until you are 30 for feelings he instilled in you at 12, it just does not make sense, logically, morally, and in every way possible.
You also need to understand that every soul is responsible for their own self, what I mean by that is if you as a Muslim man commit Zina because you cannot wait until 30 to touch a woman (which is completely normal by the way, you want to get into a relationship as a Male at 15 and your expected by your so called Muslim parents to wait until 30 which is absolutely insane) and you end up committing Zina, your father (mother as well but to a lower extent) will say on the day of judgement that it was none of his business and that you (the son) committed the crime of Zina and that he has no fault although he prevented you from getting married at 18 either directly or indirectly by discouraging it. What I am saying is, they (your parents and society at large) will lead you down the path of Zina and then say that it was none of their business when you actually do fall into it, truly the Shaitan's work. You need to man up as young as possible (12-15) and hold responsibility for your sins and actions. Your parents will not be able to save you and they will say that they are innocent when they are asked for your crimes like Zina. You also need to understand that you have some degree of responsibility over your Muslima sisters, to varying extents of course. You should not accept immoral behavior from them, regardless if they are your direct sister, or some girl at University. If they choose to wear the hijab, a clear sign that they are one of us, they need to respect it and not act immorally in public especially with males that are not even Muslim. If they can't do something as simple as this, they should not be wearing it in the first place, it is completely fine if they take it off and live their life of sin to the fullest, just do not identify with us and go wild (Note, this is what all groups do, when you do something against what ever citizenship of Western Nation you hold, they can legally take your citizenship from you for going against what they deem as immoral). It is the same thing in this case, if the western feminist Muslima cannot handle the fact that she should not be acting immorally in public, she can just not wear it and act as immorally as she wants.
I know Muslim men who wanted to get married at 18 or young in general and even went to the fathers of the girls to ask for them politely for lawful engagement to their daughters but were insulted by their own fathers and rejected by the fathers of the girls, remember the same fathers that send their girls to mixed University so they can complete projects with their K#phir Male University buddies so they can get that useless piece of paper in 4 years which is currently not even helpful in finding a job. You know how many of those father's daughters ended up committing Zina and getting into relationships in University behind their Muslim parent's backs? You want to get shocked? Let alone with men that are not even Muslim, which in of itself makes it much worse and should be enraging to the fathers. These so-called Muslim fathers if they had any sense (which is strange seeing they themselves were young men before) would happily welcome the young men that wanted to marry their 18-year old daughters knowing that the young man was respectful and that the fitna is unbearable in the K#phir Universities, but instead they forgot Allah and worshipped money and this led to the Zaniyah crisis we see today. Don't they realize that young men need a goal in life to get anything done? IF you get a young engaged at 16 and married at 18, he will work 200x more than he normally would had he been single during those formative years of 18-25.
So, what is the solution for the young Muslim men, 15-18, in the west. First, you need to understand that we understand what you are going through and what your going through is perfectly normal and if Allah blesses me with a daughter and a young man asks to get engaged or marry her, I would happily agree and even help him in the sense that I would make things easier, examples include renting out a room in my house to him for cheap. But that is me, not all Muslim fathers in the west. The solution is you break free from the shackles of modern K#phir slavery, you man up and get a job, if even part-time, as young as you can, in my province the age of work is 12 and that is what my 12-year old younger brother is doing now, working. In some other places it is 14 or at worse 15, so you have no excuse, you start work part-time then aside your normal schooling and at 16 you ask to get engaged to a girl that you intend to marry at 18. If the father says no and the girl likes you and wants to get married to you, you have no choice but to continue talking to her without his knowledge with the intention of marriage or get a sheikh involved for an initial engagement which will at least make it lawful. Then you focus as hard as you can on working on your craft and keep your word and marry her.
This is the only way the Zaniyah crisis can be stopped in the west, this is the only way that Muslimas can be protected, get them married young. Any other suggested solution will fail. I cannot force all Muslims in the west to follow this way but I can at least do my part and follow through with it if indeed I get a daughter, I will definitely get her married young and if it is a young Muslim man that wants to get married, I will be understanding and helpful, regardless of how young he is.

Narcissistic grandmothefamily ( mostly grandmother )
Where do i begin.... So my grandmother has always been abusive to me. For as long as i can remember.
As a child my mum and dad practically dumped me on my grandmother and grandfather's step. They took me in. My grandad was always my angel. He loved me so much and I was always the apple of his eye. Sadly in 2009 he died from leukaemia. He was diagnosed on his birthday. Died a year later on his birthday 😔 me and my grandmother never really got along. She always looked down her nose at me. Like I was a piece of shit under her shoe.
It was just me who got dumped on my grandparents step. My sisters went with my mum and my brother with my dad when they split up.
Now.... I don't know much about her upbringing because I literally can't speak to the woman. She is very... Undermining and passive agressive. So I just don't bother as its never pleasant to speak to her. Never has been.
So I have 2 sisters and a brother. My grandmother idolises them. Very openly, almost like it's done purposely to make me feel as low as possible. I am constantly left out of family outings, holidays, meals. You name it. It's making me resent my own siblings.
I became the black sheep very quickly. I have to watch my family doing things together, while I'm constantly left out. Watching from the sidelines, Unacknowledged, Forgotten about if you will.
Fast forward... At this point id had enough. So I moved in with my then boyfriend. I was obviously extremely happy to get away from my grandmother and family. I moved to a different city.
Things were great at first... Sadly he started to change after a while. He started to abuse me also and get violent towards me. I found out he had abused 2 women before me. I escaped with my life barely. But I had nowhere to live or any money as my ex had taken everything off me and used me for my money the entire time and I would like to add that this man also made me disabled. ( trauma induced fibromyalgia, chronic pain and fatigue, ptsd, depression, the whole lot )
So I had to move back in with my evil grandmother, but this time... I'm disabled at this point 😔 the trauma and stress of previous life abuses and obviously the trauma of domestic violence had made me extremely ill. I couldn't even walk. I've been in and out of hospital and doctors you name it.
So now, my grandmother has an evil new tactic up her sleeve. Because I'm now disabled, she uses my illness as a weapon to abuse me. Saying "your brain has gone" " you're crazy " . And calling me and i quote a " fat tw*t " obviously because of my ptsd, I was terrified to leave the house and now my own grandmother is attacking my appearance and mental health and disability all at the same time. My illness has turned my life upside down.
She is taking nearly all my money from me, so I'm unable to save up to leave. Shelters are only offering me places half way across the country, alone, which would absolutely terrify me.
I have had a pretty lonely existence and still live a lonely existence. My pets are my everything and shelters also do not allow pets. So I feel trapped now. I cannot survive without my pets. They're all I have.
I'm trapped with a woman who causes a fight with me any time I leave my bedroom. She attacks my disibilty, my mental health, calls me names, she bins my belongings and throws my stuff around all over the floor. She purposely breaks my belongings. Then she gaslights me.
She literally says I'm imagining things when she does all this stuff to me. All while turning the rest of my family against me by telling them, I'm unruly. Because I'm defending myself and standing my ground on what I know to be true. I've even resorted to recording her when she starts these fights with me. But even when I show my siblings. They instantly side with her or say it's nothing to do with them. Even if I tell my mum. She doesn't care. My mum is a very selfish woman. She has a drug addiction. So she only cares about herself and herself only. My dad has just got a whole seperate life now and a new gf. Wants nothing to do with me or anyone else besides his gf.
I've been abused my entire life. I'm still being abused. I've had enough.
What do I even do about this? I feel like I'm getting more sick by the day because of all this trauma. I'm literally trapped. I'm tired. My soul is literally tired.
If I alert authorities. My entire family will turn on me. All but one. My grandmother's daughter. My auntie. Is also cast out by her. So I do speak to her about the abuse which helps.
But it doesn't help my situation. I'm still trapped here. My auntie has a full house and is also dealing with illness herself. So that's not an option unfortunately.
Has anyone experienced anything like this with their grandmother?
It makes me sick because everyone thinks she's a lovely old lady. She puts on this false image in public. But behind closed doors. She's a monster. An absolute monster. You wouldn't believe some of the stuff she says to me I can barely believe it myself. She's told me to unalive myself and that nobody loves me and she hates me.
I know it's awful to say. But I cant wait until she passes 😢 I can then be free of her abuse once and for all. I hate that I think this way about someone. But when theyve abused you your entire life, Belittled you, called you names, attack you, bullied you, destroys and bins your belongings and has trapped you, then blames you for it. You will think and feel the same way. All whilst rubbing how much she loves my siblings in my face.
She makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. Like I'm unlovable. What did I ever do to her!?!
I remember asking this question once and she said I'm imagining things and im being childish and told to grow up and stop being crazy and that I'm weak.
She loves calling me weak and keeps telling me I'm playing the victim. Well.... I am the victim. You're literally abusing me.
It's not crazy if it's reality right?
Sometimes I feel like Im just not from this family. Even my siblings have nothing in common with me and look down on me and don't bother with me. We are 100% from the same mother and father. I just can't understand how I'm cast out and treated like this. I've never done anything wrong to anyone 😔😔
I've asked many times what I've done to deserve this treatment and they just keep saying the same thing. Stop playing the victim or I'm imagining things and to grow up. My feelings are not valid.
I'm constantly just in my bedroom, because if I come out. I become a target. I barely even eat 😢😢 I have 2 meals a week if that and that's when my grandmother goes out. I go down and make something quick to eat. I tend to buy a lot of snacks online. Things I can keep in my bedroom to snack on when I get real hungry, just to avoid coming out of my bedroom.
Not sure how much more heartbreak I can take.
I've planned a day out at the weekend for the first time in 2 years to go see all my friends. To a rave. Because my legs have gained a bit of strength recently after being bed bound for over a year because I've been so ill. Obviously I'm extremely nervous about leaving my house, but I'm trying to force myself to try get myself out of this rut I'm in. My grandmother has done nothing but attack my image, calling me fat and basically trying to destroy my confidence, so I don't go out and calling me other horrible names because it's a rave I'm going to.
Now I used to rave a lot. So it's the only time I get to mix with like minded people. It's always the same people who go and i class them all as my rave family. I've been super excited and obviously nervous about this rave. I planned it just a week ago. My grandmother of course. Is doing everything in her power to try get me to not go. My friends all live dotted around the country, so i barely ever get to see anyone.
I'm not allowed to be happy. Or have a life or do anything for that matter.
I've been trying to exercise using my hula hoops and other flowtoys. Like my leviwand for example. It cost over 300 pound and my grandmother has gone into the tube it's kept in and binned the chargers and string for it. Rendering it useless and saying she's not touched it and im making stuff up and im going crazy!!!
I know she had done it as it was in her cupboard in her room. It had moved completely from where I actually put it. My room is very cluttered as I've had to cram me, my things and my pets all in here with me, due to having left my ex in such a hurry. I feel like I'm living in a closet. So I thought this one item would be safe in that cupboard as it was expensive. She had moved it and shoved something in its box that I know wasn't in there when I put it in there. She's lost all the attatchments, which I know was all together in that box. So now I can't use it at all. Of course.... It's all in my head and I'm the one who's lost these things even though i know for a fact I kept it all safe and together.
She's constantly sabataging me and saying it's all in my head.
I'm Quickly fading. Giving up. But then.... She will attack me for that too. Fcked if I do. Fcked if i don't. I can't win. No matter what I do.
Even if for example... Something has been on its way out... Breaking for a while and she's aware of it, if it breaks, it's automatically my fault.
According to her... Anything that breaks. Even if I haven't touched it. It's my fault. She will deliberately leave things to deteriorate and then blame me when it finally breaks completely. I'm at my wits end.
I'm so lost and just devastated at how horrible my life has been.
Can anyone give me any advice on what I should do about this situation?

If you came here from AITAH then you've possibly already read this... if not, this is the story of what unfolded after my Great Uncle Joe passed away, and what has turned into a crazy few days - and maybe a story that will continue for years to come.
A couple of days ago, my Joe passed away at the age of 92. The best way to describe Joe was “eccentric.” He was reclusive and very private, living on what I assume was the last little piece of our family’s property (my great-grandfather had amassed a large amount of land that had been sold off over the decades after his death). A lot of people thought he was a hermit, but I never saw him like that. To me, he was the most compassionate person I knew. He was wise, caring, and honestly the only person in the family that ever spent serious quality time with me.
Joe had always been the odd man out in our family. He was the youngest of three brothers – Alex, (who I’m named after) died in the Korean war and my grandfather Robert passed away when I was still in high school. My family never bothered to pay attention to Joe; he was never invited to family events. In fact, I think he was ignored because he lived a simple life in a shotgun house on what I guess was the last piece of land that my Great Grandfather (GG) had owned. I got the feeling that no one wanted to bother him, thinking he’d just cause them trouble or maybe ask them for money, but I spent a lot of time with him, and we shared many conversations about life, legacy, and the things that truly matter – he never appeared to need anything and certainly never asked me for money.
Now, a bit more backstory on the family. We’ve been in this area for generations, and there's a strong sense of unearned privilege among many of my relatives. Like I said earlier, my GG owned a lot of land, around 60,000 acres to be exact. It was fertile farmland, tracts of timber, and stretched into the mountains where he had leased out select areas for mining, and some of the most beautiful lakes and riverfront in the state. When he died, each of the brothers inherited 30,000 acres from their parents (1/2 to each surviving son of the 60,000 total acres of timberland, mining leases, and game land my GG owned). Our grandfather, like his brothers, sold off his share over the years. He lived large and was married three times, having children with each wife. By the time he died, he had sold off about half his land, and his children (including my father) each received a nice cash inheritance and split the remaining land among them equally.
This should have been plenty for most people to retire comfortably, but not for my family. Each of the children, my dad included, then sold off their land to fund their standard of living until finally there was nothing left. There was a lot of resentment among the uncles and aunts and particularly among the cousins who experienced different upbringings—some of whom had little to no memory of their grandfather and even less knowledge of the legacy my family had been gifted, and squandered. Joe was the only one that seemed to care about the family’s legacy and wanted to preserve some record of it. He would sit with me for hours telling stories. When I came back from Afghanistan and was slowly recovering from my injuries he came and saw me every day. He’d share stories and I’d write them down – I’ve got a heck of a collection to share with my children one day, if I’m ever lucky enough to meet the right lady.
From a young age, I was captivated by Joe's stories about his oldest brother, who died in the Korean War. There was an 18-year age difference between them, so they didn’t share many adventures, but Joe idolized his brother as a hero. Those stories inspired me deeply, and I was the only one in the family who chose to serve in the military. Joe was my biggest supporter during my service and, later, when I was injured and medically retired before I turned 30. After my recovery, Joe encouraged me to pursue a career that would make a difference. Ultimately, I decided to go back to college and attend law school. The two years of law school were a nice distraction from the physical and mental pain I brought back with me from the war, and I ultimately became an attorney advocating for veterans. Now I have a small practice in town and focus most of my efforts on pro-bono work (I’m comfortable on the few paying cases I take at a time and my military retirement). I live and work in a cool old space on our town’s main street that I lucked into at a super cheap rent.
This morning I got a call from my great-uncle’s attorney (who was also one of his only friends). I know him professionally, and he’s a good man – he feeds me the occasional client that’s not right for his firm, and we’ve got a good working relationship. He said that Joe had instructed him to prepare me to be ready to deal with some family drama after his will was read. He said Joe wanted me to know he loved me, that he had confidence that I’d do the right thing, and that he was sorry that I was the only one he could trust to handle “things” appropriately. Cryptic, right? Well, that was pretty much normal for Joe! Damn, I’m going to miss him, but I guess I already said that.
Joe always implied that I was the only one in the family that ever showed him any concern and that he’d never forget it, but we never talked about money or anything else; it wasn’t important to either of us. I think Joe made me realize how much more important it was to be a good man than a rich man and that nothing else ever really mattered. The rest of my family definitely doesn’t see it like this.
Like I said, Joe was the black sheep because he didn’t fit into the mold of privilege and entitlement. Most of the family didn’t treat him with the respect he deserved, and they really missed out on getting to know an amazing person. I will say though that Joe had a sharp wit and wasn’t shy about sharing his opinions of how my father and his siblings had treated the family’s legacy. There’s a part of me that thinks Joe might have set things up to mess with those who ignored him and didn’t honor their heritage and ancestors.
I’m not sure what to expect to come from this, but Joe was eccentric, not delusional – if he said that he was getting ready to deal me some “family drama” to deal with then I believe him, but honestly I can’t figure what it would be. Joe was a simple guy – he never worked that I knew of, and the times I asked him what he did for a living, he’d just tell me that he had my great-grandfather to thank for a nice life. I assume he’s referring to the land he sold off, giving him the means to just hunt, fish, raise his dogs (I’ll have to tell you about them sometime), and spend time with me. Maybe Joe managed to hold onto some cash and was going to make a big deal about what he was doing with it? I suppose some of the family might get spun up about that given the fact there is not much left from what my GG passed on?
I’ll know more tomorrow. The will is supposed to be read on Friday, and I’ll update you then. Maybe I’m worried about nothing, but I feel like I’m about to be in a battle, and I haven’t felt like this since Kabul. I know this isn’t an AITA post yet, but I guess I’m wondering if AIGTBTA – Am I Going To Be The Asshole?
*** MINI-UPDATE **\*
I've had several more calls from extended family asking if I knew anything and I still don't have anything concrete to share but it sounds like everyone over the age of 18 has been asked to come to the reading, that's a little unusual in my opinion but then again I don't know how long ago Joe wrote this will. By my count there could be up to 15 people there tomorrow.
I went to Joe's place to pick up his dog's stuff early this morning (he's living with me now) and as much as I'd have liked to nose around to try and figure out what's going on I have too much respect for him to do that (plus it's not my stuff). There was a stack of bound journals (he's the one that had me start journaling) and other documents on the dining table. Joe had set a note on top asking for them to be delivered to his attorney in the event he passed. I think he knew he wasn't coming back and set them out there so they wouldn't be overlooked when the family came in after he died. He was very concerned that a lot of family history was going to be forgotten when he died. I'll make sure that doesn't happen.
One thing did stick out as strange - the other reason I went by was to pick up his mail so I could drop it at his attorney's office this afternoon before the meeting tomorrow - lucky I did since he left that pile of stuff. Obviously I didn't open any mail, but I can say that it's not what I expected. He spent several days in the hospital before he died and I hadn't been back to his house since he went in, so I knew there would be about a week's worth of mail piled up. I figured it would be mostly bills and junk but several of the letters looked like checks from corporations, including a couple I'm personally familiar with. Maybe he did have more going on than I thought, but honestly it just wasn't ever something we talked about.
Last quick thing and nothing to do with the AITAH thing- only sharing because I'm actually personally excited about something that happened and this is taking the place of my journaling for a couple of day. About a month ago my high-school sweetheart moved back to town to take a position with the local hospital. She used to come to Joe's with me when we were in high school and Joe let us take his brother's car to go to Prom. He really liked her and she always said she enjoyed spending time with him too.
She was a year behind me in school. We tried to keep seeing each other after I enlisted but that almost never works out. After graduation she went to college, then medical school, and did her residency on the West Coast. She rarely came back and I was gone for so long we totally lost touch. It's been over decade since we've actually seen each other, although I did hear from her a couple times after I was injured. Back then she was just starting her residency and between her schedule, the time difference, and my rehab we never really got could find the time to really reconnect.
Yesterday she called me to tell me how sorry she was to hear he had passed and we're planning on meeting for drinks tonight to catch up - hopefully tonight. I really needed something to look forward to and this definitely qualifies!
*** (NOT SO) MINI-UPDATE 2 **\*
Ok, I didn't think I'd be updating again until have the reading tomorrow morning at 10:30, but things are heating up a little already. In addition to the random calls from cousins who knew that Joe and I were close as well as from my siblings, I’ve gotten three phone calls today from the "previous generation".
First call was from my Aunt Debbie, she’s the youngest of my dad’s brothers and sisters and always has been a lot to deal with. She married a nice guy but always is complaining about money, wanting to travel more, buy a nicer home, etc. After my grandfather passed away she spent the money he left her on who-knows-what and within 10 years had sold off all of the land she had inherited. Unfortunately she was selling off land when the market was down during the recession, so what would have probably been worth well over $30,000,000 today she sold for less than a third of that. That’s still a lot of money but it seems like she’s burned through a lot of it already (or given it to her kids). Anyway – she called me to tell me that she knows I’m the only one with a key to Joe’s place and she wanted me to meet her there and let her in this afternoon. I told her I was already busy today and she got a little annoyed and told me not to forget to bring it with me to the reading tomorrow. She said they want to clear the house out ASAP because she's going to develop the land into homesites and needs to get things rolling. This was news to me but I just ignored her and told her I’d see her tomorrow. For reference, I know for a fact that despite living within 30 minutes of Joe she hadn’t spoken to him in over a DECADE!
The next call I got was from my father’s current wife, Jessica. She’s 20 years younger than he is and is the only wife he didn’t have kids with (thank God, and no, I don't care if she reads this). Anyway – my dad’s wife called me and said she knew how much Joe / Alex’s car meant to me and told me that if I wanted to buy it she’d try to give me the first shot at it. I just thanked her and got off the phone. This woman has literally never even met Joe.
Finally, I just got off the phone with my dad. He called me about 30 minutes after his wife did. This is the first time I’ve heard from him since Joe died. My Dad is actually closer to Joe’s age than Joe was to Alex’s. Joe was 14 when my dad was born, like me he was so much younger than his brothers that there was almost a generational gap between them. Joe was probably more like an older brother than a young uncle and for a while they were really close but something happened (no one ever told me what) and there was a falling out.
My dad has a big personality – he’s lived a pretty extravagant life and for despite being nearly 80 years old (yeah, he was over 60 before I got out of high school) he’s still the “big man” when he goes into a room. He was my Grandfather’s oldest son so he’s always taken on the lead role at family events. Like his sisters and brother he sold off his land too, although I know he sold it off in smaller pieces and over a longer period of time. He basically used it as bank account and selling it off was his version of making a withdrawal. I assume he’s set for the rest of his life and I know my brothers and sister are expecting an inheritance when he dies. In fact - they speak pretty openly about it.
My Dad's call was a welcome change after the calls from Debbie and Jessica. My dad actually sounded pretty reserved and a little down. The first thing he did was apologize to me for Jessica’s call. He told me she had no right to do that and she had no say in anything that was going to happen with Joe’s property - or his one day for that matter. Evidently he tore her a new one after walking in on the tail-end of her conversation with me. He told me that he knew I was the only one in the family that spent time with Joe and that regardless of what happens at reading tomorrow he was going to give me anything Joe left him – if he left him anything at all. He told me that he appreciated how much I had done for Joe and that he had regrets about how their relationship had soured. I’ve literally never heard him talk like that before and it honestly has me a little emotional. It sucks that he has to live with those regrets when a 30 minute drive was all it would have taken to start fixing a relationship.
Finally – he told me that he didn’t really know for sure but he suspected tomorrow might hold some surprises. He told me that he’d be there to back me up no matter what happened and that I wasn’t going to be alone. I asked him if he knew something but he promised me he didn’t know anything for sure and that he would have told me if he did. He said he'd just always had suspicions about "some things" and that depending on how things unfolded he didn’t want to see any more relationships go the way his and Joe’s had, or the way Joe and my grandfather’s had.
I told him about the call from Debbie and he said she was way out of line and to not worry about it, that he'd be giving her a call immediately after he got off the phone with me. He also told me that I shouldn’t let anyone else in Joe’s house, that I was the only one Joe gave a key to for a reason and that no one had any business going in there until after the will was read.
Obviously I wasn’t planning on letting anyone in but this was possibly the most supportive call I’ve ever had with my father and I just appreciated that he was planning on standing up for me. My brothers, sister, and cousins (I’ve got 2 brothers, 1 sister and 8 cousins) all got used to a certain way of life from their parents but frankly none of them have been able to maintain it on their own and most of them are pretty petty about it. Their parents aren't much better, despite having had the benefit of a generous inheritance.
I’ve got to stop by the attorney’s office at 4:30 and then I’m meeting Samantha (Sam) for drinks and maybe dinner if we both have time. If you want to hear about that let me know, otherwise I’ll just stick to the family stuff.
*** up-DATE **\*
It’s late – I don’t know if I’ll get all this out but I wanted to write it down before I forgot.
First, Joe’s attorney looks worn out. He didn’t share much when I dropped everything off, just thanked me and we chatted for a few minutes. He did say that he hoped I was going to get a good night’s rest, that tomorrow was going to be long. He also asked how many clients I was working with right now, which was odd, we rarely talk about caseloads. I told him I was just handling some contract work and a few family estate planning matters (ironic, right?). He just nodded and said “Good.” I could tell he wanted to say more but he just shook my hand and said he’d see me in the morning.
Drinks with Sam turned into dinner and then dinner turned into an after-dinner drink before we both had to get home since it’s a “school night”. Seeing her was like stepping back in time... I don’t know about her, but for me all the feelings that I thought were just a high school crush came rushing back as soon as I sat down with her. I know I might just be feeling a little bit stressed by what’s going on and maybe she’s just a welcome relief from a bad week, but I’ll take it for now. She’s done everything she said she would in high school – stayed focused in college and medical school, did her surgical residency in under six years and then her cardiothoracic fellowship. She literally just finished and moved back here as soon as she was done. Evidently she received a full scholarship from a foundation associated with the hospital on the condition she return to provide surgical support to the community for 5 years after she finished her fellowship. We’ve got a fantastic hospital but I guess it’s always a challenge to recruit talented surgeons. I told her about my practice and the veteran advocacy work I do. I told her I didn’t plan on getting rich doing it but that I enjoyed being home and that the connection I felt to the land here just keeps growing stronger.
We talked a lot about Joe. She surprised me when she told me that she kept in touch with him even after we stopped seeing each other. She’d call him once a month or so to see how he was doing and she had evidently visited him when he was in the hospital during his last few days. He never told me that she stayed in touch – in fact we never spoke much about her at all. I hadn’t seen her in ten years and frankly didn’t think she’d ever come back from the West Coast. I’m starting to think that Joe kept a lot of secrets.
I told her about the reading of the will tomorrow and the phone calls I’d gotten today she got visibly upset when I mentioned the comment about the car and I think she almost cried when I told her my aunt wanted to tear down Joe’s house and divide the land up for a bunch of houses.
Then she reminded me about Joe’s plans for a house… I had completely forgotten that back when she and I would go over there regularly he had pulled out these extensive plans for a large home that he said was designed to be built on the slope of the valley, overlooking the river below that fronts the property. It was intended to be a family home, but without a family he never saw the point of living anywhere other than his house.
He had done the designs himself, drawing every architectural detail, making landscaping plans, even identified the site. He was quite an artist and had put so much of himself into those plans. I can’t believe she remembered them but she said she always wanted to see that cabin in person and couldn’t bare the thought that someone would chop up the beautiful property just to put in a bunch of McMansions for the crowd coming out from the city for the weekend and summers. I told her I was going to do everything I could to prevent that from happening but that I didn’t know how it was going to turn out.
For a while I forgot about tomorrow and we just got caught up on what we’d been doing. She let me share what I wanted to and never pried for more information. We ended up holding hands across the table, which somehow felt incredibly intimate. When it was time to go I walked her to her car and opened her door for her. She turned to me and we hugged for what seemed like a full minute before she sat down and I closed the door. She rolled the window down and told me she wanted me to call her right after the will is read and that if I needed her to she’d be there if things got unpleasant.
So that’s it – kind of a perfect way to end the day. I wanted to get this out before I went to bed, it’s helping me keep my head clear. Next update will be after the will is read.
NOPE: I was literally about to hit post on this and my phone dinged with a text from Sam. I’ll just put it here exactly as I got it: “Tonight made me feel like life interrupted something special 18 years ago. Let's not let it interrupt us again.” I guess it wasn’t just me.
I think whatever happens tomorrow I’ll be fine. Next update will be after the will is read. Thanks for all the comments - honestly this is very cathartic - even the ugly ones.
*** UPDATE-ISH **\*
Ok - this morning has been crazy. There is too much to unpack here all at once and I'm supposed to go back in with Joe's attorneys in a few minutes. The family is mostly gone (I asked my dad to stay) and the firm is bringing in lunch shortly so we can keep working through the details.
Honestly, I don't know what to think. I know I promised an update and I'll try to get one out today, but more happened this morning than I can even think about getting down on paper. I haven't processed most of it myself and this afternoon sounds like it's going to be more of the same.
Some of you were right, and yes, there was drama. Also - I know I'm not going to be the asshole but I can already tell not everyone is going to feel the same way.
Side note - Sam called me this morning and told me not to let the property go no matter what. She even offered to help me pay for it while I figured things out. I've got a lot to talk to her about. I know I need to get to know the adult Sam and she needs to get to know me but for now it's good to have someone to talk to since I can't talk to Joe.
*** Update : Reading of the Will Part 1 - The Letter **\*
This day has been ridiculous. I'm sad, angry, honored, and humbled all at once, and processing that is harder than I thought it would be. I'm waiting on Sam to get done at the hospital – she’ll call me on the way here. I've got a lot to talk to her about and I haven’t told her anything yet. Let me first say that I'm not comfortable sharing the full details on everything going on right now but I won't hold back on the people side of things. I’m also going to have to break this up into a couple of posts I’m sure… sorry this is long but this is just how I journal.
As I mentioned already, the day started really well. Samantha called me first thing this morning - I didn't text her back last night because it was so late and I was really tired. I also wanted time to think about "us" (if there can even be an us already?) before I spoke with her again. I'm not a rash person. I've never been someone to rush into anything and frankly I've not had a serious relationship since Sam and I broke up. I've had a series of girlfriends, some that I loved in many ways, but no one that, in hindsight, I was "in love with".
Between trying to juggle school and the service, two deployments, and then the transition back to civilian life, I just wasn't that interested. Now that I'm back home and have settled in to a life and a sort-of career I've been ready to find someone but frankly I just haven't met anyone who I connect with on a level deeper than just shared interests.
When I woke up this morning I knew that something was different. Despite everything going, on my first thoughts weren't about the reading today, or losing Joe, they were about Sam. As much as I loved that feeling I know it's time to be cautious. I don't want to hurt Sam or frankly, to get hurt.
When she called I wasn't sure what she was going to say but I was honestly a little worried that we wouldn't be on the same page - I shouldn't have been. She told me she didn't want me to freak out about what she said, but that she also meant every word. She wanted me to understand that she isn’t into games, that she’s serious about seeing if the older versions of us are everything we’re both looking for. She wants to pick up where we left off 18 years ago but take it slowly, and get to know each other again. It sounds like we’re on the exact same page, so I guess I’m going steady with my high school girlfriend?
She also wanted me to not worry about the property – she offered to help me buy it if I needed to come up with the money quickly and that no matter what happened between us she didn’t want to see it broken up – that Joe meant too much to both of us to let that happen.
As kind as that was I went ahead called our local bank this morning to ask about getting a loan quickly if I needed one. The loan officer put me on hold when I explained the situation and the potential need to move quickly. He came back and said he had asked the bank president if there was any way they could help. He had been assured that there would be no issue securing any financing necessary. He asked the loan officer to pass along his condolences about Joe, he evidently had known him for a long time, and said that he was looking forward to meeting me soon.
This left me feeling much more comfortable going into the meeting with my family but nothing could have prepared me for the rest of the day. Now, if I’m being completely honest I really did feel like there was a good chance that Joe would leave the house and car to me simply because he didn’t have a relationship with anyone else in the family, I just didn’t want to make assumption and I didn’t feel like I was entitled to anything simply because of my relationship with Joe.
When I got to the firm’s offices I was shown in to their largest conference room. I was surprised to see several people there other than Joe’s attorney. My father was the only other person there when I arrived, he and the attorney were having a quiet conversation in at the head of the table but stopped when I walked in. Since I’m going to mention him frequently let’s just call Joe’s Attorney JA. JA introduced me to everyone in the room, which included a stenographer, an associate attorney, a gentleman he just referred to as an assistant brought in for the reading stood at the back of the room by the doors.
Now, readings themselves are a little uncommon these days, but still done on occasion (I typically do one or two a year), however I’ve never had anyone else in the room with me and thought this was very strange. I guess I must have been looking at JA with a funny expression because he just raised an eyebrow and shrugged. At about that time people started trickling in until 10:30 rolled around and JA stood and asked everyone to be seated. He then nodded to the gentleman that had been standing in the back who went to the doors where he closed and locked them.
In all there were 9 of us in the room, me, my father, his younger brother and oldest sister, my sister Sarah. Four of my cousins showed up, including my youngest, Emily who was one of the few people that I enjoyed seeing at family events. She’s creative and smart – she just graduated from high school and is getting ready to go to college. I was surprised that she came but I had spent a lot of time telling her about Joe over the last couple of years and had been hoping they’d get a chance to know each other now that she was older.
JA started speaking, thanking everyone for coming and sharing how much he was going to miss Joe, that he was more than a client, he was his oldest friend and he was glad to see at least a few family members come. About 10 minutes after 10:30 someone tried the door and found it locked. They started banging on it and the gentleman in the back quickly moved to open it and step outside. I could see my oldest brother and Aunt Debbie try to push in as he opened the door, only to be firmly moved back as he stepped outside to speak to them. JA stood quietly for a moment and everyone could hear raised voices coming through the heavy oak doors. I heard my brother say something to the effect of “this is bullshit” and Debbie started shrieking before it sounded like both of them were abruptly cut off. A moment later the doors re-opened and the gentleman came back in. Debbie and my brother were gone.
JA paused another moment and then carried on. He explained that Joe had instructed him to ensure that no one join after the meeting began – he told us he was now going to read a letter from Joe, this is a slightly edited copy of the letter he wrote that JA read from:
Thank you to those that showed up, since most of you never bothered to show up while I was alive I wasn’t sure you’d come today! Those that didn’t come, or couldn’t be bothered to on time aren’t missing anything since they aren’t going to be getting anything now anyway.
For the rest of you, thank you, no matter what your motivation was you at least showed up. I’ve left instructions for each of you to receive $100,000 as my final gift to the family. There are not stipulations and no conditions, have fun, do good, use it as your heart tells you. To those grand-nieces and nephews that are under the age of 18 and were not invited, I gift each of them $100,000, which will be held in trust until their 25th birthday.
(It was at this point that I knew something was up – Joe had just given away over a million dollars to people just for showing up on time. If everyone that had been invited had shown up it would have been over 2 million dollars – that was honestly more than I thought his entire estate would be worth.)
Family is important, something that has been lost of too many of you. Some of you got caught up the trappings that came from other people’s hard work, took for granted the efforts of your ancestors and squandered their gifts - and that’s what an inheritance is, a gift, not a right. You prioritized having fun over protecting the legacy so you could pass it on to the next generation.
Only one of you chose to put others before himself. Only one of you has shown respect and appreciation for the gifts of the land, the community that we live in, and the people that came before him, just as his namesake did.
Robert, I hope you’re here for this, we didn’t always agree, and I have so much regret about how our relationship went the wrong way, the fight with your father about his decisions and behavior, shouldn’t have become our fight as well. I want you to know how much I appreciate you bringing Alex into this family, for honoring my brother by passing on his name to him, and for allowing me to have a relationship with him. You’ll never know what that meant to me. I want you to know that I love you like a brother and wish I had tried harder to bridge the divide created by my relationship with your father while we still had time.
(I've never seen my father look so emotional. It was difficult to see the sadness in his eyes but I felt like I also saw pride. Watching him made me start to get emotional as well and I struggled to put my attention back on the reading)
With regard to the bulk of my estate, I leave all my possessions, the land, the house and its contents along with my investments and holdings to Alex. Alex, it will take time for you to go through everything and familiarize yourself with what this means. We’ve been planning this for almost 20 years, your training as a lawyer will be very helpful but pay attention to the advisors we’ve assembled. There will be decisions that must be made. I’ve asked (JA) to give you my journals, along with some thoughts I wanted to save just for you. Please read them and don’t feel like you’re intruding, they’re all that is left of me and I hope they’ll help guide you, my mistakes don’t have to be yours. Someday you may also want to share them with family, they are yours to do with as you wish, these too are part of my legacy.
Now, to the rest of the family, I know that you’ve sold off the land that my father left my brother and me. I know this because I’ve spent the last 50 years secretly buying up every acre you wanted to sell, or buying it back if I didn’t find out in time. I’ve preserved what you were willing to destroy and built on it. I know that most of you have very little left to pass on to your children. So, to you, my family, I leave a chance at a new legacy. I have established a family trust to be overseen and directed by Alex. The trust has been funded with $XX million dollars. It will be up to Alex to decide how the funds are used but he is to appoint a family board of advisors to help preserve our legacy.
Finally, I have established a community foundation, tasked with the mission of helping preserve the way of life that has made this valley special for hundreds of years. I’ve directed $XX million from the estate to create the initial fund but expect that others in the community will add to it. I’ve entrusted the responsibility to oversee this fund to Alex and a select group of community leaders. The others have already agreed to help and contribute, and I hope Alex will honor my wishes that he oversee the fund.
Alex, our family has been part of this valley for over 150 years. For all it has given to us it is now our responsibility to help sustain it and protect it. I know I can count on you to do everything you can to carry on this family’s legacy but beyond that, what I truly hope is that you don’t have to do it alone, as I did. You will always have my love, thank you for giving me yours.
JA looked up from the paper and for a heartbeat the silence was deafening, then the shouting began.
I’ve got to stop here – Sam is on her way and we have a lot to talk about. I was with the attorneys until 4pm. After all the drama unfolded (thank God my dad was there, and that Debbie didn’t show up on time) I still had to spend several hours with the attorneys. I’ll spend the weekend with the journals but I’m sure I’ll be hearing from family all weekend too. I might have to turn my phone off.
Part 2 will probably be tomorrow – I’m hoping to just decompress with Sam tonight. I need a break. Thank you everyone for the well wishes and the good thoughts.

I’ll keep this as short as possible. My brother-in-law abuses my sister. She’s now leaving him, but while they’re waiting for their house to be sold, she’s still forced to live with him in the meantime. 3 weeks ago he hit her again. I couldn’t take it anymore and - I know I shouldn’t have done this, but - I sent him a text saying he should keep his hands of my sister or he’d have to deal with me. To which he called me and started provoking me that if I were man enough I’d have to come say it to his face. I couldn’t fathom that he had the nerve to hit my sister and then get defensive when her brother finally decided to speak up. I screamed at him, yelling that I indeed would come over to destroy him. Of course, I’m smarter than that and didn’t go over there. However, he probably truly believed I would as he called the cops on me. As a result, knowing he tried to trick me into a trap, I’ve been extremely frustrated for the past 3 weeks. I feel so incredibly frustrated that there’s nothing I can do. Just the fact he had the nerve to provoke me after hitting my sister is something I just cannot fathom… How can I get over this incredible frustration?