Creative ways to say goodnight over text

Okay i’m sorry if this is all over the place but i want to rant to a community of people with some people who are older and have more experience so they can give me genuine advice. My Bf (M18) and I (F18) have been together since february of our sophomore year of high school, we’re graduating soon now. We’ve been with eachother almost all of high school Id say, especially since my class (2024) had the covid hybrid year during freshman year. Id been in a few relationships and “situationships” (i hate that term bc truth is it’s a situation to one party and nothing to the other) in high school, he hadn’t. We’re both eachothers first and only real relationship. I understand that there is a “honey moon phase” and people say there are “toxic phases” and things of that sort. I believe our relationship is being tested right now. We’d never really argued. There was nothing to argue about, and if someone felt a way about something we’d always just talk about it. We know we’re young and we have to grow up together, and we know the other isn’t a mind reader. But over senior year, i do feel like our relationship has taken some turn. I didn’t talk about some of the things i’d noticed were changing at first because i am a very emotional, sensitive person, and i have BPD, which i know severely impacts relationships and how i perceive them. Whenever i would rant to him about something, whether it had to do with my mom or a friend, he would always be there for me, consoling me, and TALKING to me. That’s a big change. I feel like over the past few months he’s somehow forgotten how to comfort me even though he used to be so good at it. Now more than ever do i hear the words “I don’t know what to say” or “I don’t know what to tell you.” Not only that, but i feel like he ignores me a lot more when we’re with his friends. Throughout the school year there were times at lunch nearly everyday i would just stop talking for a few minutes and just sit there… because id try to tap him on the shoulder to add on to the conversation, because sometimes it is something i would want just him to hear, or i feel like he’d understand because he’s supposed to be my best friend as well. but more than ever i feel pushed to the side. If you’re around my age, you’ll understand that the fact he doesn’t post me barely anymore is a cause of concern. he genuinely isn’t rlly on socials, but he wasn’t before we got together either.. before he would post me often, but now i feel like i have to ask and remind him. Lastly, he has been a “safe place” for me throughout the relationship. but again; i feel like i cant talk to him like i used to… he’s yelled at me and cussed at me more than he ever has. which is not often, but still. also, he scared me for the first time the other week when he was driving recklessly. i wanted to tell him to just drop me off at the side of the road so i could call my mom. but i didn’t. i didnt wanna make him mad ACTUALLY LASTLY.. i’ve had conversations with him about how i’m feeling. i know he loves me too, genuinely. he promises to me he’ll change, that he’s gotten too comfortable and i am right to talk to him and “set him in place” I don’t want to be dumb. I love him so much, and i know he loves me too. I know that most high school sweethearts don’t last forever, but i want us too. I feel like we could if we were both putting in the work and deciding to love eachother everyday, but i feel he is lacking in the effort department. i’m sorry if this is too long. if you could respond, thank you 🙏🏼
tl;dr: I know that most relationships from high school/when you’re young don’t work out. But some do, and i believe it’s because two people decide to put in effort everyday and decide to love eachother everyday. My bf and i are finally hitting our “hard phase” i feel like. He’s going through a lot too and we’re young, i can understand how sometimes he has forgotten about certain things, but i feel like i’ve talked to him about my concerns for months and no real change has been made regarding him not putting in as much “effort” (not posting, not paying attention to me when we’re with friends, not offering as much advice as he used to). and new things have rose, he’s spoken to me out of turn for the first time a few months ago and he genuinely made me scared for my safety. I don’t want to be “dumb”. I don’t even know what to do.

Hi everyone,
I have been with my girlfriend (27F) for only two months but we have been dating since New Years Day.
This morning I shared something with her that I thought would actually be trust building and show a level of respect for our relationship - it was that that I wanted to share. I told her how I had declined to go to an ex's wedding, an ex that is still in my friendship group (with her partner now) - this ex has a track record of making small comments that look back to our relationship. We ended our relationship like 7 years ago. This is a relationship that ended badly for me and its not full of memories that I like to revisit. I've never pushed back on those comments - I think it was due to a lack of self-respect I had in those moments with that person.
Anyway earlier this week I declined the invite to her wedding in a text that reads below:
Hey EX, I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I’m sorry but I’m not going to come to the wedding. Over the last couple months I’ve discovered or realised a personal boundary of mine; our past, the end of it, I guess isn’t a warm and positive memory for me and I find myself reminded of it by things you say on occasion or even just a casual memory we can fall into and now that I have CURRENT GIRLFRIEND I don’t want to go there in my mind anymore - falling in love again woke me up to something I guess. Hopefully you know I’m not bitter or anything and actually think we survived a minefield and came out intact - and I value that. I wish you guys all the best! Like I know you’ll have such a fun wedding but I won’t be there.
I showed my girlfriend this message and explained that I've set this boundary and how our relationship has, and my respect for it, caused me to see that I need to draw a line in the sand.
Anyway, my Girlfriend did not react well. She got very upset and actually went home and we couldnt have the day we had planned together. She was very questioning as to my relationship with my ex (she knows we are still in the same friend group) and she wondered why I was still connected with her, why I never pushed back on this stuff, how I am not over it (which I of course am - i just dont want to go back there mentally) and all this other stuff. Whats hard is that this was very hard for me! This entire thing. Sending the text and then telling her - I want to have an open and honest relationship hence why I shared it but she was of the mind that I shouldn't have shared it. Now im apologising and wondering how to make it up to her but also wondering how I can connect with her and just even have her see a small sliver of my side.
She is mad at me yet I don't think ive done anything wrong. She feels disrespected even though I was trying to hold our relationship at the utmost level of respect. I feel like I can never bring this up again but how do I let her know that there is a side that she isn't seeing at all.
TL:DR I opened up to my girlfriend about drawing boundaries with my ex and she got angry.

https://youtu.be/rR1H1Dc3Suw?t=11611
I have timestamped the video for the moment Chris comes in. For context, streamer Clueminati has covered other true crime cases but this one happens to be in her own town. She has met Seth at a few searches a couple months back, and has spoken to the Proudfoot's over the phone several times. She is considered to have a bias toward the "Proudfeet" and against Seth. She doesn't believe the Proudfeet have been given a fair shake by independent and mainstream media.
My own summary (my perception could be different from yours):

• Chris says people are going to have their opinions; it's ok. It's been an eventful night with Chris and Katie listening to the Smiley Story's World Podcast of the same night.
• "There are people out there who have done some pretty heinous things, threats; and we have handed them over to law enforcement....No one's gonna wanna be alone, and that's not fair."
• 13-18 different search dogs have been in the house
• The 5-mile radius from the house has been thoroughly checked. Going outside would be a good start.
• Asked about how Seth met Katie (allegations of grooming/statutory R): "My daughter would not have that sort of situation with a man, ever. Period... [The speculation and digging] has absolutely nothing to do with Sebastian missing."
• all theories and speculation are hogwash. Both sides have worked with LE to get answers and debunk theories.
• On online drama and the phonecall btw Chris and PI Chloe being leaked: "Ok, that audio file that got leaked...is that doing any justice to anybody? No... all it did was start more speculation..." Chris would like to speak w/ Seth privately w/o all the YouTubes and etc. Get back to basics.
• Katie is hurting, but hanging in there. They have been offered therapist services and they're going to take it up. Chris would recommend the same to Seth. "I got love for Seth too."
• Feels WebSleuths panel episode was a set-up. Wants to have these sort of discussions offline.
• It bothered him to see comments in Smiley's chat during Seth's appearance last night - people were discouraged to continue helping. "Please keep Sebastian's name out there."
• Doubtful he and Katie will be at the vigil today. "I don't think it has 100% true meaning of what it's supposed to be." Worried some may have bad intentions. Doesn't want just one vigil; wants to find a way to bring all the churches and schools and communities together, across cities.
• "Katie went on OnPatrol by HERSELF, no help... I thought she did amazing! And people still attacked her. I don't know what more she can do."
• On the Sling Blade prank call from a few weeks back: "I am kinda a joker, I have to let y'all know... It's one of my ways of relieving tension...it's not like I'm making fun of Sebastian...he and I joke around together... No, I don't make fun of Sebastian."

Ok, I'll continue in comments. This is long and I want to get the link out there.

in january i (f18) got into a relationship with my now ex (m17) and the first month was really good untill we started having sex a week before valentines day and right after valentines day happened he just completely switched up also throughout our entire three month relationship id ask questions about him and his ex because they just broke up right before we started dating (i had just gotten out of a relationship as well) but he promised me he was over her because they were off and on all the time and he was tired of that and i believed him she also lived in a whole different state because he just moved here so i really trusted him and i would also ask questions about her because once literally displayed in his closet i noticed letters that his ex had given him and i found pictures of them that he hid poorly and id notice stuff of hers around his room like gifts and whatever every-time id ask about it he would get so mad and so defensive and be like “well you and your ex this and that” and then two months into the relationship he just out of the blue one day said “if i ever get in a bad place mentally ill need to take a break from the relationship” obviously i was confused so we bickered about it and i tried ignoring it but after valentines day and leading up to that conversation he had been acting different and it only got way worse almost exactly a month later a week after prom he texts me “im in a bad place mentally” and “sometimes i feel like im not ready for a relationship” and he refused to admit that was him breaking up with me so the next day i had to do it and say the words for him literally a few days later he starts following his ex on social media and she never followed him back so he stopped following her for a second but now its been a month since we’ve broken up and now they’re following each other on both of their little secret accounts and he blocked me on everything and i know i shouldn’t be paying attention but it’s difficult to not stalk because his ex lives in a different state so thats my only source which i know isnt really reliable but im just so hurt because he told me be was completely over his ex when we started dating and i really “loved” him (whatever love means for an 18 year old) i gave a lot of me to him he was my first real experience with stuff and he also told me i was the one to take his virginity (even though he had a whole box full of condoms prepared??? like on our third date he was like “i have condoms in my room” (i should have known)) but him and and his ex we’re together for like three years sooo and he also said so many other things that i know now were lies and now i just know i was the rebound untill either of them were available again and i just feel so used because after valentines day we were having sex at least once a day every single day and before we got intimate i told him i wanted to wait a little but he kept pressuring me so i finally gave in and i got really attached like i’ve never had a connection like that with someone else before he saw me when i was most vulnerable and now i just feel so used and dirty i should have known what his true intentions were especially because the second we started having sex he changed and our relationship just went to shit but it hurts even more because what we did meant a lot to me but i know it meant nothing to him especially since i don’t think i was his first time even though he was mine i just dont know what im supposed to do i know i have to move on and whatever i know ill meet more people and whatever and im so young and dumb and this is all a learning experience but im so hurt how do i live with this feeling for now it hurts so much i feel so used he meant so much to me and i was just a body until his ex came back to him.

So, I am reading Luke chapter 16 this morning and came across this verse:
⁹ I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings.
In the footnotes, it talks about how to use our money for good. But the way that I am reading this, and have read it multiple times, my understanding......I just cannot believe it says to USE WORLDLY WEALTH TO GAIN FRIENDS. I am tripping over this right now. Am I reading this correctly? Because my moral compass is tripping right now. What do you think about this verse??? 😯

As most people, I loved Spongebob as a kid and still appreciate it as an adult. The other day on TikTok, a collage of plankton’s attempts to steal the krabby patty formula showed up on my fyp and geez were there many. The video included title descriptions with the season and episode numbers and basically every season had at least one moment with plankton doing the infamous krabby patty formula theft routine. I know the writers are likely a bit uninspired, given the age and span of the show approaching nearly thirty years, but I really wish they would maybe try something different. I don’t really watch the show as much anymore, but I also had recently seen a clip of the “bubble world” episode where Spongebob visited Bubble buddy’s hometown, and although I didn’t watch the whole thing, I think that storyline was nice. In addition, I know there was an episode when Karen got a virus and I thought that was a very creative and unique concept. I know Spongebob is essentially the mascot of Nickelodeon and is very easy to mass produce so the show will not be ending any time soon, but I really wish they’d maybe retire some old plots (such as the krabby patty formula, boating school, etc) and move into a different direction because they’re already far beyond the golden era or seasons 1-3 and maybe 4 & 5. I want to preface I’m not saying all these episodes are necessarily bad, but there’s only so many different times and ways you can rephrase and repackage the same gimmick. In general, the show has definitely lost some of the charm, wit, and humor over the years but I feel like if they’re going to continue with it as they have been they should maybe try something new because with an animated series the possibilities are endless

So I went to add a photo to a memorial on FindAGrave, and when it's uploaded it appears to be uploaded by nobody. I look over to the corner and it says REGISTER and SIGN IN. So I think I must be logged off. So I click "SIGN IN" and nothing happens at all, repeatedly. I turned off any ad blockers, it made no difference. I refresh the memorial and it now says I uploaded the photo but I still don't appear in the corner of the page. The only way I can get to my own user page is to find something I've uploaded and click on my own username, because up in the corner I don't appear anymore. I went to my user page and it appears to respond to me as if I am signed in. But something seems amiss. I'm using Brave Browser on a Windows 7 PC.

Yet another dog cornered and lunged at me and yet another owner said "it's OK he's friendly" while her full grown German Shepard mix had my back to a tree and was snarling and making quick, jerky movements towards me. Luckily I wasn't bit, but I was alone with this dog for long enough for something serious to happen.
And mind you, I had pulled up, closed my door, shook my keys and got to almost the porch before this dog came bolting from the open garage. I was kind but firm with her and explained how drivers are frequently attacked, even by "nice" dogs and I've gotten bitten by someone holding their dog, so no I don't trust a complete stranger saying "he's fine, he won't bite" when a strange dog is displaying aggressive behavior and she needs to recall him better.
I love dogs, but the owners are out of pocket. I can't send a "please secure your dog" text to every stop, especially since most of my routes are either fully or partially rural and people might be out working, not checking their phones.
We need a way to tell customers that they need to either secure their dog while waiting for a package, or be outside with them to recall when necessary that doesn't put the burden of advocacy on the potential victims of dog attacks.

Tsipporah by Adèle Geras
Originally published in The Kingfisher Book of Scary Stories (1994) edited by Chris Powling
Excerpted from Murmurations: An Anthology of Uncanny Stories About Birds (2011) edited by Nicholas Royle

'How lovely!' I said to it. 'You're a lovely bird then! Where have you come from?'
The bird cocked its head, and looked exactly as though it were about to answer, then changed its mind and in a blur of white feathers, it flew off the railing and was gone. I leaned over to look for it in the courtyard, and thought I saw it, just there, on a step. I ran down the stairs after it, but it was nowhere to be seen.
A girl of about my age was standing beside a pot of geraniums.
Where had she come from? She wore a white dress which fell almost to her ankles. I thought, She must be very religious. I knew that very devout Jews wore old-fashioned clothes.
'Have you seen a white dove?' I asked her. 'It was up there a moment ago.'
The girl smiled. She said, 'Sometimes I dream that I'm a dove. Do you believe in dreams? I do. My name is Tsipporah, which means "bird", so of course I feel exactly like a bird sometimes. What do you think?'
I didn't know what to say. I was thinking, This girl is mad. My name is Rachel, which means 'ewe lamb', but I never feel woolly or frisky. My cousin is called Arieh, which means 'lion', and he's not a bit tawny or fierce. I said, 'I just feel like myself.'
'Then you're lucky,' said Tsipporah. 'Sometimes I think I will turn into a bird at any moment. In fact, look, it's happening ... feathers ... white feathers on my arms ...'
I did look. She held out her arms and cocked her head, and I blinked in the sunlight which all at once was shining straight into my eyes and dazzling me ... but in the light I could see ... I think I saw, though it's hard to remember exactly, a flapping, a vibration of wings, and the krr-krr of soft dove-sounds filling every space in my head. I closed my eyes and opened them again slowly. Tsipporah had disappeared. I could see a white bird over on the other side of the courtyard, and I ran towards it callling, 'Tsipporah, if it's you, come back ... come back and tell me!'
The dove launched itself into the air, and flew up and up and over the roof and away, and I followed it with my eyes until the speck that it was had vanished into the wide pale sky. I felt weak, dizzy with heat. I climbed slowly back to Naomi's rooms, thinking, Tsipporah must have hidden from me. She must be a child who lives in the building and likes playing tricks.
On the way home, my grandmother started telling me one of her stories. Sometimes I don't listen properly when she starts on a tale of how this person is related to that one, but she was talking about Naomi when she was young, and that was so hard to imagine that I was fascinated.
'Of course,' my grandmother said, 'she was never quite the same after Tsipporah died.'
'Who,' I asked, suddenly cold in the sunlight, 'is Tsipporah?'
'Naomi's twin sister. She died of diphtheria when they were eight. A terrible tragedy. But Tsipporah was strange.'
'How, strange?'
'Naomi told me stories ... you would hardly believe them if I told you. I know I never did.'
'Tell me,' I said. 'I'll believe them.'
'Naomi always said her sister could turn herself into a bird just by wishing it.'
'A white dove,' I said. 'She turned herself into a white dove and flew away.'
My grandmother looked at me sharply.
I've told you this story before, haven't I?'
'Yes,' I said, even though, of course, she never had. I didn't tell her I had seen Tsipporah. I didn't want to frighten her, so I said nothing about it.
Now, every time I see a white dove, I wonder if it's her, Tsipporah, or perhaps some other girl who stretched her wings out one day, looking for the sky.

"Hear this, all peoples; Give ear, all inhabitants of the world, Both low and high, Rich and poor together. My mouth shall speak wisdom, And the meditation of my heart shall give understanding. I will incline my ear to a proverb; I will disclose my [a]dark saying on the harp. Why should I fear in the days of evil, When the iniquity at my heels surrounds me? Those who trust in their wealth And boast in the multitude of their riches, None of them can by any means redeem his brother, Nor give to God a ransom for him— For the redemption of their souls is costly, And it shall cease forever— That he should continue to live eternally, And not see the Pit. For he sees wise men die; Likewise the fool and the senseless person perish, And leave their wealth to others. Their inner thought is that their houses will last forever, Their dwelling places to all generations; They call their lands after their own names. Nevertheless man, though in honor, does not remain; He is like the beasts that perish. This is the way of those who are foolish, And of their posterity who approve their sayings. Selah
Like sheep they are laid in the grave; Death shall feed on them; The upright shall have dominion over them in the morning; And their beauty shall be consumed in the grave, far from their dwelling. But God will redeem my soul from the power of the grave, For He shall receive me. Selah
Do not be afraid when one becomes rich, When the glory of his house is increased; For when he dies he shall carry nothing away; His glory shall not descend after him. Though while he lives he blesses himself (For men will praise you when you do well for yourself), He shall go to the generation of his fathers; They shall never see light. A man who is in honor, yet does not understand, Is like the beasts that perish."

For reference, I have a Pixel 8 Pro and am coming from a Samsung S20.
I had a great workflow on the S20:

• Search for photo in Gallery
• Open in Snapseed, edit
• Picture saves in the "Snapseed" folder in Gallery
• When uploading to social media, I can easily choose my "Snapseed" folder to find my shortlist of edited photos

I am having a much harder time using the Pixel 8 Pro's apps to figure out workflow. Right now it looks like this

• Search for photo in Photos
• Edit photo in Photos
• Picture saves in Photos
• When trying to upload to social media, I have a very hard time figuring out which photos are edited in the thumbnail list, especially if my edits were subtle

I dislike that in the Photos app, when you create an album it is uploaded to the cloud rather than staying on the phone. I prefer the old Gallery app that keeps it on the local drive.
Also, let's say I open up Instagram and want to upload a photo, none of the albums I create on the Photos app are listed. I can only see albums created in the old Gallery app. The lack of a quick way to see edited photos on social media apps is a real hassle.
I also hate that the UHDR viewing in Photos is not an accurate representation of how photos are viewed in most social media apps. Instead they look like over-processed hdr, which makes sense, but means that viewing and editing in the Photos app is pretty useless if you want to know how things will appear online.
So I suppose I could just stick with my old Gallery + Snapseed workflow, but then it eliminates the usefulness of having the Pixel 8 Pro and the higher-end features baked in.
Would be great to hear your recs or if I'm just missing some basic functionality of the Pixel.

My boyfriend isn’t a fan of texting, and his friends often get frustrated with his lack of responses or slow replies. He’s told me that I’m the only person he really talks to over the phone because he knows it’s important to me, and I believe him since he rarely replies to anyone else. However, I still feel frustrated by the limited communication. We usually text 4-5 times a day and have one phone call daily, typically on our way home from work or before bed. We see each other once or twice a week, depending on our schedules.
I can't help but feel upset about how little we talk, especially since we don't see each other that often. I feel guilty for feeling this way, wondering if I'm expecting too much. A few months ago, I mentioned that his texting had dropped off, and he did improve for a while, but now it's back to the usual 4-5 texts a day.
Am I being unreasonable? I don’t know how to address this again because I know he doesn’t like texting. It’s frustrating because he spends time on his phone for other things like YouTube. It makes me feel like he doesn’t want to talk to me.
For more context, he does make an effort to meet up, and we go on dates every week or most weekends. But, for example, last night he went to his uncle’s birthday BBQ and then out for drinks for a friend’s birthday, and he didn’t text me once between 5 and 10 PM. It upset me because it felt like he didn’t want to talk to me, but I understand he was busy.
Am I overthinking this? I know some people just aren’t glued to their phones, but what’s your opinion?

As the caption says- yesterday I told my mother in law that we’ve decided to have no children at our wedding because they are disruptive and I don’t want to risk my big day being ruined in some sort of way. This is also after I saw the behaviours of children at my father in laws funeral, running up and down the aisle during speeches, screaming, trying to jump all over the casket, rubbing their dirty hands on the hearse ect.
When I told her she was really angry and yelled “WTF you can’t do that” to which I said yes I can it’s my wedding… her next argument was “your gonna have some really pissed off bridesmaids” my three bridesmaids are my two sisters and my best friend who has no children and my sisters are actually happy to have their children stay with a babysitter so they can enjoy the day without worry and having to focus on watching the children.
My mother in law is an absolute control freak and hates when people don’t take her advice, she was even upset that my partner has chosen to wear his number 1s/ police suit to the wedding which he’s chosen to do because he takes a lot of pride in his work and I want him to wear whatever makes him happy - she thinks this is silly and not traditional. It got so overwhelming that I had to tell her this is my wedding and if she keeps complaining we will just run off and get married overseas (:

My (34/M) situationship and myself (37/F) have been involved for over 6 months. It started as a FwB kindof situation, but we became instant BFFs. I was going through a divorce and very emotionally unavailable, so we agreed that when we found a partner to be monogamous with, we would part the romantic part of our relationship amicably.
Well, I’ve done a ton of healing with myself and believe that I can effectively date with intentions. He has always maintained he “couldn’t give me what I need.” Which, completely understandable. He’s also on the spectrum and his brain works very technically, which I’m more of a creative.
It seems like the more I heal, the more he opens up and is now treating me like a girlfriend. He’s been inviting me into his friend group, which is honestly great because I’m social and I love meeting new people. But- I’m very uncomfortable with how affectionate he is in front of them. Parading me around like we are a serious item. He’s used to seeing me in sweats and a messy bun, but I love dressing up and not to sound vain, but I clean up well. We went out on the town and met up with some of his friends and he couldn’t stop commenting on how it felt awesome to be seen with me, how gorgeous I am, etc.
He got intoxicated and some point and all the sudden brings up how he felt bad because he knew he was going to hurt me. He’s said this before, but I felt like it was inappropriate to talk about this while intoxicated, mainly because he’s very well known for saying things he doesn’t actually mean or want to commit to. To make things worse, he said he was terrified to lose our friendship, but when he settles down, us communicating anymore wouldn’t be appropriate and would be unfair to his new partner. I kept my cool in order to process this, but it hurt my feelings.
I don’t want to lose this friendship, but also frankly I think he’s a bit immature perhaps? He likes his bachelor lifestyle and I have a whole household, mortgage, kids and pets to take care of. The companionship we have is so, so nice since losing my husband, it’s comfort and fun and mostly very positive interactions. We both are well aware that when it ends, it’s going to hurt, but the love we have feels worth it at the time. He’s not a player, very kind and a big nerd so I don’t feel like he’s using me, we’re just using each other.
I briefly touched on our behavior (PDA) and if he felt uncomfortable, to which he said no but we could stop. Thing is, it DOES make me uncomfortable if he is still not entertaining the fact that we are and have been essentially dating for quite some time. And if anything, I’m just very confused at this point. I don’t want to break up with this friend, but he made it clear that friendship after he meets his “someone,” is off the table now. We run in the same neighborhood and it would be hard to avoid each other. I need some outside feedback please. Should I just let it ride out?

Kind of funny how three out of five number one seeds in the West since 2020 turned out to be paper tigers. I’ll be ranking them by how fraudulent they turned out to be.

1. 2022 Suns. 64 wins in the West, by far the best record in the league. A clutch machine, top 5 in both offense and defense. A well-oiled win machine. Booker 5th in MVP and First Team All NBA, CP3 Third Team All NBA, Bridges First Team All Defense, Ayton, one of the better centers in the league, Monty COTY. The only team that was supposed to rival them in the West was Warriors, that’s it. Their opponent?

52-win four-seeded Mavs team that traded Porzingis at the deadline for Dinwiddie and Bertans. Luka was Luka, Brunson and Dinwiddie high level guards who could shoot and handle the ball, DFS, Kleber and Bullock really good 3 and D guys. All those guys were in their primes other than Brunson who turned into an All Star-ish player that postseason. Luka missed a few games of that Jazz series in the first round, and they still won in 6. The concept was: surround Luka with guys who can space the floor, can execute on defense and handle the ball when needed. It totally worked. Let’s be clear though: this team was still a level below the Suns. Dallas was a tier 2 contender in the West. Phoenix was a title favorite basically. Suns in 6 was probably the most popular pick.
We all know what happened. They went up 2-0 and 3-2. They layed a giant egg in Game 7 at home. It was over in the second quarter. No real excuse. Their greatness in the regular season, strong contender status, an embarrassing fashion in which they went out and the fact that they lost to a really good not great team that lost in 3 to the Warriors in the next round makes them an easy number one.

1. OKC 2024. Just hear me out. 57 wins in an absolutely brutal West. The toughest conference of the 2020s for sure. Top 5 in offense and defense. Excellent halfcourt offense. Second best net rating in the league only behind Boston. Great record against good teams. SGA second in MVP, Chet a DPOY candidate by all the metrics, Dort an All Defense candidate, Daigneault COTY, Jalen Williams played like an All Star for a while (Bill Simmons said J-Dub reminded him of Kawhi, so that’s almost like an award). Were they considered the best team? No, the Nuggets were, but they were certainly in that second tier with Minnesota. There were concerns about their youth. Yet this team had all the regular season metrics in their favor, they had talent, depth, youth, athleticism, two-way play and excellent coaching. Their opponent?

A 50-win five-seeded Dallas. No refreshers needed for them. OKC lost in 6 as a favorite. And here’s why I ultimately have them at two on this list: what advantage did Dallas have over them before the series?
Home court advantage? No.
Rest advantage? No, they went six with the Clippers, while OKC swept the Pels.
Coaching advantage? No, Daigneault is one of the most esteemed coaches in the league, while Kidd is probably not even in the Top 10 for most people.
Injury advantage? No, Luka was not at 100% the whole series. He was pretty bad for half the games, just like he was the previous round. Plus, they lost Kleber who is one of their few two-way players. The Mavs were the most successful with Kleber on the court vs the Clippers. He was more important for them than Gafford, Lively less so, but Kidd was most comfortable having Maxi out there. OKC was fully healthy.
Talent advantage? If we include the first eight players in the rotation, then 100% no. You would predict Dallas to have two of the three best players in the series (Luka and Kyrie vs SGA).
Matchup advantage? Not really, because even though we knew Dallas was gonna have size and good rim protection for 48 minutes, we also knew that OKC has two shooting bigs and they play five out most of the time, so it was possible they would just kill them from the outside, so I wouldn’t say Dallas had an obvious matchup advantage going into the series.
We know what happened next. In three of the four Dallas wins, they led the whole fourth quarter. Game 4 it was the same story, but SGA got hot, Mavs missed a ton of FTs and somehow choked that game. Now, obviously they didn’t go out in an embarassing fashion (17 point blown lead in Game 6 is bad, but it was a close game in the end), but I will say that they were certainly outplayed in Games 2 through 5. It probably should’ve been over quicker. They had OKC’s offense in the mud (it was SGA or bust for them the whole series, which is what the Mavs wanted), overpowered them in the paint and on the glass, and they scored just enough to win four out of six. Almost the entire time Dallas was in control. OKC didn’t even choke away a series lead (1-0 doesn’t count). They were just completely outplayed by a team that wasn’t supposed to outplay them (unless Luka and Kyrie went supernova which is maybe the opposite of what happened). In the words of Bill, that felt pretty paper tiger-y to me.

1. Jazz 2021. 59 win pace, best record and net rating in the league, top 5 in both offense and defense, three All Stars, DPOY and All NBA guy (Mitchell, Conley, Gobert). Everything was great in the regular season. Now, they went out way more sad than OKC. Choked a 2-0 lead, lost the last two games against Kawhi-less Clippers, blowing a 25-point lead in Game 6. The reason I have them behind OKC is that they definitely had the most excuses out of all these teams.

First, no one actually took them seriously as the number one seed. OKC was definitely behind the Nuggets this year, but no one else in the West. In 2021, people would take the Lakers, Clippers and post-deadline Nuggets over them in an instant. Wasn’t close. Lakers had the eight best record in the West that year, and everyone would still take the Lakers going into the playoffs. So, they were already known to be paper tigers.
Second, they lost against the Clippers who had more talent, a better coach and were a bad matchup for them. They were second in Net Rating that year too. The last two games against Dallas in the first round they looked like a bona fide title contender. Prime Kawhi, PG, two forwards/small-ball fives who shot 40%+ from three in Batum and Morris who could space out Gobert. They went down 0-2 and then blew Jazz out at home in Games 3 and 4. They were easily the better team, and I don’t know who would suggest they weren’t before the series.
Third, the Kawhi thing was a big break for them, but they were unlucky themselves. Mitchell missed the last 16 games of the season with an ankle injury, missed Game 1 of the first round and hurt it again in Game 2 against the Clippers. Conley missed every game of that series but the last one, came back and was awful. We’re seeing three years later how good Conley is. Terance Mann also went for 39 points in that Game 6, which was pretty fluky. No wonder they lost.

I do volunteer trail maintenance on the weekends, and so far I've loved it as a social outlet and a way to contribute to what I love about this area. I'm looking for some suggestions for weeknight, early evening social meetups that do not involve alcohol. Does not have to be volunteer oriented. Bonus if it is a regular meetup with consistent people to help build relationships over time. Not really looking for one-off crafting classes.
My primary interests are books (Sci fi / fantasy), being physical (lifting, running, cycling), and recently I've started to get into gardening and landscaping. But I am absolutely open to branching out from these areas.
Thanks!
Edit to say I'm 39(M) but open to friendships across the age spectrum and I'm in SE around 30th and powell, but I'm open to a 20 or so minute drive.

I read a quote recently that said “if you want something be the type of person who has it.” So, for example, if you would like to receive love letters, be the type of person who writes them. If you would like to be invited to parties, be the type of person who hosts them, so on and so forth.
I’m trying, still, after two years to process the grief of losing you and to process the grief of all that was lost during our relationship, including pieces of my innocence and my dignity, pieces, I dare say, I will never be able to recover. You hurt me in the worst ways imaginable yet still I can’t hate you. I won’t. Everybody says that I should and that whatever love I have fantasized in my head towards you is merely the limerence that results from Stockholm Syndrome. An obsession one would hold towards a hateful caregiver in an infantilized state.
Though, I’m not so sure. I am loathe to believe the love I hold towards you is fetishized grief. I am hoping that by putting these letters out into the void I will gain some temporary relief from the pain of your absence, at the least, and at most I will begin to build a bridge over that dark and glowering moat of grief that has kept me tethered to the past, tethered to the abusive and turbulent relationship which left me with nothing but debt to be repaid by a wandering life of pain, misery, and an emptiness never to be filled by love in the same way.
Oh how I admired you, oh man of mine. How I wanted to grasp onto every word that came out of your mouth when you were discussing your ideas. How your poems, though a little prose-like and robotic, made me sink faster into the pit of infatuation. I was in love with you. Obsessed. I wish I could have recorded the sound of your voice when you talked about science. I wish I could have mended the pain of your abandonment in adolescence. I wish I could have been the support you needed even when you pushed me away and put me down. I wish I could have healed the parts of you that were so broken to make you believe that stealing from me would somehow fill your empty cup.
But you cut off the bottom of the glass and no amount of debauchery could ever leave you more full than you were before. No amount of purity stolen from me could mend the agony you had held onto for far too long.
I am still left wondering, now, without you even by my side to soothe the wounds you had inflicted, why you chose me to steal from? Was everything really as you said? Was I too unlovable for the mistakes I had made in the past? Hadn’t I more than atoned for them with everything you had put me through? Was I really someone you loathed, who you couldn’t rest easy with at night? Was I really such a burden because I was too nervous around the crowds you chose to surround us with at the nightclubs or too sheepish about my femininity to ever be as sexy as you wanted? Where is the line? What was real and what was fake? Was there anything you liked about me at all, or did you just enjoy the joy and admiration I had for you?
When will my lonely heart stop pining over someone who hates me? If you hated me so, why didn’t you simply leave? Why did you always persuade me back into staying with your sweet words and your grand gestures?
I would say I miss you, but to miss someone is to know them truly and be abashed by their absence. I don’t know you anymore so I can’t miss you. Did I ever know you?
Part of my life has come full circle and now I am starting to wonder if any of it was ever real? The memories are so fleeting and time has warped along with everything around it. I feel alone in this universe. Nothing feels real. Were we just a dream? A requiem for a nightmare? Did any of it ever happen? Why has it all just faded into a distant memory, seared like a firestone against the forefront of my subconscious?
How are you? Do you think this way too? Why did you hurt me so much that I had no choice but to leave? Was I really so reprehensible?
Or, was it you whom you hated for your inability to love someone who had given everything to be with you?
All I know is that you I didn’t deserve to be discounted and discarded the way I was. I may never be able to recover some of the innocence I lost while we were in it, but my heart, with each passing day, still feels mightily pure. Your hatred did not win, and my love for you does not cease.
From M. To J.

I had an argument over breakfast today with mom, and I feel like we've hit a breaking point.
My mom is a conspiracy theorist, to the extent that she will believe every one she hears about. The latest story was about grocery stores spraying produce with bleach, which after some research I discovered that the chemical is hypochlorous acid (known by other names with "bleach" in the title). I asked her if she knew where she got her information from, and she quickly became irked. She said she got it from the internet and from her friend who "did research" while visiting a grocery store, and shortly after that flew back to his home country (no idea where that is; I didn't ask).
I questioned her further about what websites these were and she became violently enraged; that I'm an ungrateful narcissist (more on that later) and that I should just eat the bleach for all she cares. The venom spewed, stating that I do nothing for her while she does all the work. Note that just before this argument, I was in the house for a week, caring for myself 100% while she was staying at her condo near the shore with cat and boyfriend. Despite her love of the beach, she loathes the entire staff at her other place, calling them narcissists and spending her days and nights shouting at me and her boyfriend about how horrible they are, how wicked the Jewish residents are, and how everyone is her enemy. Rarely is there time to discuss others' good attributes. She has also labeled my father, who she divorced years ago, a narcissist (see the trend here?), because he's trying to get out of paying alimony for the rest of his life. I have no reason to support him (he pretty much left me to die when I was struggling with homelessness) but the way their case is being handled is very odd.
She owns a wedding photography business but doesn't really work unless she gets clients, maybe 1-3 times a year at best. Her boyfriend is my boss, who has me supporting a business I really don't want to be part of for ethical reasons (he works very closely with sponsors who are butchers and exterminators, and associated me with them despite communicating with him that I was strongly against it). I put in my two weeks and was threatened by mom with homelessness if I ever left. We don't get along on religious views, but that's a separate story. Her need to control me is also expressed in the need to call me 3 times a day, every day, just to have me on the line. We never discuss anything important except what she wants me to do around the house. The rest is, "So..." with silence that lasts for minutes.
So more often than not, she's extremely angry, controlling, takes nothing I want to do with my life seriously, and rarely has anything positive to say about anyone or anything. Her friends are either born-again Christians or extremely shady, like mafia shady. She never leaves the house unless it's for eating out but complains about money, and she eats out A LOT...which doesn't make sense since most restaurants serve the GMO food she fears so deeply.
Is any of this a possible sign of narcissism?

Hi everyone! I’ve had this fantasy so I figured I’d share with all of you.
This fantasy starts in the middle of the woods when I’m hiking alone. I get deep into the woods and then I run into a masked man. I try to ignore him and just walk past, but he grabs my wrist and pushes me against a tree. He pushes me to my knees against the tree and then unzips his pants and pulls out his cock. When I see it, my eyes widen in fear but I can feel myself start to get wet.
He pulls my hair and that causes me to cry out because of the pain. He uses that opportunity to put his dick in my mouth. He grabs a fistful of my hair and then starts roughly fucking my face.
I graze my teeth along his cock and he pulls out of my mouth, angry. He slaps me before pulling me out from in front of the tree and again pushing me on my knees, facing away from him on the side of the trail. He pushes my head down so my face is pressed against the dirt and my ass is up. He then pulls my shorts and panties down until they’re around my knees. I try to struggle, but he is too strong and keeps me pinned.
I’m embarrassed as he sees my soaking wet pussy. He says “Looks like you’re enjoying this as much as I am.” I start to shake my head, but he pushes my face harder into the dirt, stopping the movement. He pushes all the way into my pussy and I immediately start wiggling my hips, trying to get him out of me.
Barely wasting any time, the masked man starts roughly fucking me, still pushing my face against the ground. I stop fighting back as the pleasure overtakes me and I start moaning instead. My noises seem to spur the man on and he fucks me even faster. Soon, I start to cum and the man quickly follows with his own orgasm.
Once that’s done, I realize that he came in me and start trying to shake my head. He whispers in my ear “Have fun raising my rape baby.” Then he pulls out and lets go of me. I just collapse on the trail, ass still up in the air.
As I try to catch my breath and bearings, I hear footsteps coming towards me. I try to scramble up, but the person reaches me first and puts a hand on my back to keep me in the same position. “Looks like you’re all primed and ready for me,” the man said and I could feel him collecting some of the wetness from my pussy. He smears it over my ass hole and I try straightening my legs so my ass isn’t up in the air anymore. I just hear the man chuckle and the hand on my back leaves. I start to breathe a sigh of relief when he grabs my shorts and panties, pulling them off. I see my shorts get thrown into a nearby ravine before he grabs my hips and props me back up, pushing my face into the dirt as the last man had.
Tears are streaming down my face as the man pushes his cock into my ass. I scream in pain, but the man doesn’t stop. He sinks in to the hilt and starts fucking my ass, not caring about my pain. The man starts to groan as I whimper on the ground. My tears start coming faster as he fucks my ass roughly. I can feel his hips hitting mine and his balls slapping against my pussy. Before too long, his cock starts to twitch and he pulls out, coming all over my back. He lets me go and then I hear his pants zipping back up and footsteps sounding away from me.
I lay there for a minute, feeling shock and pain as the footsteps grow quieter. After a few minutes, I stand up and look around for my panties, remembering that my shorts were thrown to the bottom of a ravine. I didn’t find them, but I saw my phone nearby. So I grabbed it then turned and started running out in hopes that no one will see me. My crop top and bra were still in place, so at least I wasn’t fully naked. When I got near the trail head, I pulled out my phone and ordered an Uber.
Thanks for reading everyone! Please let me know your thoughts in the comments below. If people like it, I’ll post a second part.

Today, I watched a video on a left-wing media channel about people (mainly straight men) with issues in dating and incels. As always, all discussions of issues with dating centres only cisgender heterosexual men and women. When the interviewee, a man who was researching incels and those struggling with dating, was asked about the lgbt community, he spoke about how he definitely saw dissatisfaction in older gay men, who'd aged out of the stereotypical image of young gay male attractiveness. I found it irritating that he glossed over all other lgbt people, especially since I see the people who have the most in common with straight men in our community are those of us who are extremely masculine (butch, transmasc) and date exclusively women.
My first relationship was when I was in university and was very toxic. Codependant, sexually abusive and far too drawn out (1.5 years). After that, I had about 3 more unsatisfactory brief sexual encounters. I was then sexless for 3 full years. I got in a relationship and it was the first time I have ever felt like my gender and sexuality as a nb stone butch was respected and understood. My gender and sexuality feelings are undeniably extremely atypical and burdensome to navigate. She made me feel sexy. She dumped me 9 months into a happy relationship, "randomly" (in her words), because she was feeling slightly afraid of commitment. She said I could do better. I found that to be a ludicrous thing only an attractive cis femme could say. The likelihood of me finding someone who accepts me with something akin to the sexuality of a straight man in the body of a woman is next to none. I find it likely I will be sexless for another few years. People around me think this is pessimistic, and often themselves are upset when they don't have sex for a month or two. I cannot imagine even registering not having sex for two months, and I do not think I am being pessimistic.
I have learnt that I am expected to be as sexually aggressive and proactive as a straight man. Without exception, femmes are upset when I am not and will never make the first move. I perform poorly on dating apps and hate them. I find it a good way to meet crazy or unsuitable people at best or, more commonly, get ghosted. I would rather like to meet people in person. When I try to improve my confidence and talk to girls I find attractive in real life, people around me have a few discouraging responses to it:

1. "Is she even gay?" "How do you know if she's gay"
2. "Why do you flirt like a straight man, that's probably why lesbians don't like you"
3. "Maybe you should go to more queer events"

The experiences I have are even more discouraging than those straight men I know deal with. They always have some hope. I have next to none. And in regards to no3 - I find most queer events to be irrelevant to my interests/don't suit my vibe/are only for gay men/are incredibly sexless/don't cater to my butchness anyway.
When I read Stone Butch Blues I was struck by how it depicted this well of loneliness I have felt my whole life. I am very little understood by most of society, and only really feel comfortable in a relationship, yet it is so hard to even be understood there. And yeah, it's just real. I feel like cold hard numbers are against me. I wonder why this isn't talked about more and I wonder how you guys deal with it? Feel free to share any experiences, theories or advice.

You have to believe that if you are to take anything away from this. I am not crazy. Never have been. Every great genius, I believe, says it at some point before others come to realize it for themselves. I am not crazy. All this happened, more or less.
I first saw the woman. Her eyes melted into tar, turned to smoke, and, as soot, fell on the ground as a shadow. Then came the after-effect woosh of a blade through air. Then the echo of fine steel turned tuning-fork. Somewhere along there I realized I’d forgotten to run. So I did.
A step, another step. Step and then step. After a few of those, I looked up to get a sense of what was going around. The town was burning. There came the bone-tremor of a church bell crashing down from far too high. A grain silo exploded. The seeds burst out in a cloud of smoke and then came the ignition. I pictured the grandest 4th of July I’d ever seen and imagined the fireworks, not a kilometer, but 50 yards from my face. I then realized I wasn’t imagining jack shit.
I ducked into a building as an autumn-leaf-wind of fire rushed down the street in a tidal wave. There appeared a door behind me where there had been none and then a dozen hands where there’d been maybe seven. I was dragged under the floorboards by the digging of nails then claws then teeth.
‘Say it tickles’, came a whisper by my right ear. Some old hag shouted from my left: “Lying bitch! “. “Don’t listen to her, sweetie”, replied the woman-floorboard-voice, “Say it tickles. Just trust me, they’ll let you go. I’m not her, never like her. I won’t hurt you. I wouldn’t hurt a fly” . The hag bellowed a laugh: “Lying bitch bitch bitch bitch… “.
I’d like to say I found it surprising that two shrill voices arguing was more irritating than being eaten by a house but I don’t think anyone who’s ever witnessed a proper cat-fight would believe me. Before I could take a splinter from the boards and end myself came the tickle of a feather upon my feet. It turned into rope, rope into spider web and before long I was being dragged away in the darkness.
There was this beam of light and I found myself settled down on a bed of straw. I had a moment or two to catch my breath too. I thanked the spider like so many citizens of New York before me and it gave a quick nod as it disappeared between the brick side of the house-turned barn. I almost had another moment then. But the bricks parted once again and came crashing out the boot I’d left behind. The spider web turned into a nose and then into a mouth that shouted: “Disgusting!”.
Shut the fuck up Jim. Jimbo. Whatever you call yourself. Sorry. People are loud around here before pill time and I got me a temper. I can’t just shout at some old dude so I gotta type it out. Hope you don’t mind. Back on the trakata track.
Feeling pretty ashamed, I got back on the way. Way? I know less than you do. No way. I just kept walking. The embers of the town soon started thinning around and I found myself shivering in my summer clothes. I don’t know why but I got to walking in the shade and, soon enough, I didn’t feel so cold any more.
I paused with a finger in the air and set my back against a tree. I tried my best to just take a deep breath and relax despite its bark that kept trying to give me a back-rub. I thought for a moment about, not it all, but pretty much nothing at all. And God knows those are the only times you think anything. I realized the sun was cold.
I played my fingers through the beams of light passing through the canopy and held them out over the path. A numbness settled on them in less than a minute so I pulled them back
I looked back at the town then. I saw the strange reflections the non-metal-metal roof-tiles cast back at that sun. I saw how all the buildings were sunken into the ground. I saw that I didn’t see a single window anywhere.
Finally, I saw something hanging from the cathedral’s spire, some half-kilometer high. It was frozen and a cross and on it, as with some crosses, was a man. I raised an arm and saluted myself. Then I realized I’d saluted myself. And then so did I and then I realized that I had that I had and then I realized.
At some point along those lines, I noticed that my mind had come unbound and was bouncing between my two selves. Cloudy, cloudy and cold cold cold memories were in my Jesus-self’s mind. Black holes, revelations, origins of symmetry I don’t fucking know. And somewhere, distant and distant as stars, the memory of the very moment we were living.
I saw then a man like me. He looked like you and he looked like me but somehow he did not feel the same. Always over my shoulder, looking over what I did. Always lurking at the edge, a hunger-unending. One thought, just one in its head. To be me. To be me. To be me. To come out into the light. That was the first time I met my shadow.
I didn’t cause I couldn’t but I saw it smile. Him? I don’t know if he would be mad if he heard me speaking of him like this. Him him him him. Him to the weekend. Cold fucking play man. Bio-digital jazz, man. I don’t know. I don’t know. Honestly, don’t really care. Haven’t seen him in a while. The lights in my room come from everywhere and the walls are all white so I don’t sleep which is when he finds me. I don’t care. Back to the memory.
Then I blinked and the cathedral was gone some miles away and then I blinked and it was gone all the way. I blinked. The forest had given way to jagged hills. I blinked. Still jagged hills. I blinked. Mountains to the West. I blinked. Mountains to the West. I blinked x11. Mountains to the East. Teleportation was lamer than I’d expected.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahikHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Sorry sorry. Don’t you also ever get the urge to just tweak the fuck out sometimes? Youre in class and you realize: “Dude, I could literally molest Ms Robinson rn before anyone had any chance to stop me”. Those thoughts are invariably dangerous but your mind thinks them anyway. Assuming that your mind likes itself, what reason can there be for their existence other than that they are good then? Anyway, excuse the digression.
So I kept doing this for a while. I don’t know if my body experienced time. No, scratch that. I know it did but I don’t know how. I had a beard grow for a few dozen eye-blinks but then it was gone. I felt a finger-nail, finger-long, scrape against my leg but a few blinks later I was missing that arm from the elbow down.
I was pretty determined to keep on doing this. I think everyone knows the feeling. When you’re a little kid and you close your eyes and you pretend to be blind for a few hours, for a little bit of fun? But then I saw the village again. I’d been going for so long that I didn’t really notice it at first but then I saw it again. And then again. I think it was my 7th time around this world that I finally got a hold of myself.
Honestly, I’d thought about this ever since I saw that scp thing. I slowly closed one eye and then another and then another. Voila! Blinking was no more. Tis but a fool’s imitation of blindness anyway. (I’ve realized similar things about sleep too).
I stepped onto the town square of cobblestone of hexagons. Inside the hexagons were triangles and between those stardust. I stared deep into those cracks and realized I was looking through. I moved back and forth and noticed the parallax of the night sky but awry. Before I knew, the floor became a wall and I was falling.
I was lucky that I had been lying down close to the ground. My chin began scraping against the stones as I fell. Then I started to spin back. I grabbed a stone but it came loose and laughed at me a toothless laugh of rock. As I spun, the sky that was a wall became a wall sky and the sky-through-floor just a floor. The gravity changed at points.
The eastern horizon blurred to a disk of sundown glow and the West a twilight lantern. I was spinning so fast I began to hear the woosh of my body cutting through air. Woosh-Woosh-Woosh-Woosh.
I felt myself pass through something. It was a neck. In my wake, I saw a woman melt into night-stuff. I tapped against my chest so my woosh became a metal clang. That finally got myself to start running. I was in a slower type of time than I was right then so I didn’t hear myself say: “Go beyond the church” but I knew I must have because I told myself and then I did, had?
Up turns to down, down to up. Life to dust and metal to rust. I understood, some time in the future that gravity in this land was a matter of taste. I must have sent back that information but time doesn’t really exist when your existence is independent from it, does it now? As I was destined, as I came to know, I had always known and just not known that I’d known. That distinction doesn’t seem legitime to me either but hey, go take it up with the authorities. God knows I tried. I calmed myself and before too long touched down ground back at the hexagon-triangle-square.
I plucked one stone and then another. At first I could only see a few stars but my eyesight grew keener and keener as the wind from across the cobblestone filled my mind. Soon enough, I could see in every stone I unplugged, a million, million stars waiting for me. High up above, I could clearly see, my soul looking back down at me. He smiled reassuringly. He took me by the hand and took me to the beginning of all time.
I saw God then. What do you do when you know everything, when you are everything? I saw then the loneliest man there ever was. All he could do, all he knew he would do would be lesser than him. No one would keep him company. I saw a good that had no reason to be. And so, he became the reason for everything. And then there was light.
I saw then the part of my soul that ran away from the brilliance of that good. That would not, could not, believe itself to be worthy of such love. A part of my soul ran away and, cast in its own shadow, became the root of all shadow-things. I watched myself become satan.
I was back at the clearing. I saw then the summer sun shining down, burning my skin. It was cold. I passed my hand in front of my eyes and saw my shadow brush its fingers against my face. I saw myself then, again. I saw a shadow touch a shadow’s hand.
Bout all I can for the day. Ever since Ethan tried to kill himself with the keyboard they’ve been little bitches about us using the computers. Of course I could tell them it was really the keyboard who started it but Ethan’s depressed so anything he does has to be about his mental condition so they won’t believe me.
But don’t worry. As I said, I am a genius. I know things no one else knows and I can prove it. Feel free to ask about your future and I’ll tell you what I’ll feel like the next time the doctors let me out of their sight. Go long on copper futures.

For the record. I ADULTED TODAY
Today for the first time in MONTHS!!! I manage to tackle the serious issue of my debt issues. BUT I GOT NOWHERE!
I tried 3 times to get online copies of my credit reports and all the times the system said they were having technical difficulties.....
I had to go on the phone and request them. but they only allowed for them to be mailed.. which will take 15 days!!! I had time and mental energy to deal with this now. Not tomorrow, not next week, but NOW!.
My brainfog has been lifting somewhat. I am being a RESPONSIBLE ADULT aand taking my medication, going to my appt's etc.. doing ALL THE THINGS... and the world is not meeting me halfway.
I got into a fight with my partner yesterday over a broken object that was on my altar . He told me "i broke it".... and I am pushing back on "No, it GOT broken, I found it broken.. I did NOT break it...". For me, that was a HUGE difference yet he insisted on saying but YOU broke it.
He is implying judgment and saying that I am "just taking it that way"... no. I am pushing back on OWNERSHIP of this thing. It was not like I negligently picked it up and broke it.. which is what he is implying. I know that many folks say "well you need to own it".. NO .. I FOUND it broke... It probably fell over at some point .. possibly when I was at work. He even said "well do you think the cat broke it"? Implying that I am blaming an animal. Maybe the cat did??
i have been very vocal about my adulting and letting folks know what I am doing to help myself and fix my problems. I may sound like a broken record but it feels like no one is listening to me. They automatically judge and shame instead of just working with me. YES I take it personally and it triggers me.. but I have worked hard on fixing problems and taking responsibility.. actually far too much. I am not responsible for a LOT of things in the world.. and I won't "Own" them.. but our society really pushes hard on that stuff... I think probably to weaken people.
Has anyone felt this way? I really feel I have to be loud and clear about this .. and it is exhausting... but I know that a lot of systems are designed to wear you down.. and it feels either that it is done intentionally or rampant incompetance is running anymore...