Tampon punishment
Seeking Advice on the Body Image Issues of My 13 Year Old Daughter
2024.05.13 09:30 CascadianPineapple Seeking Advice on the Body Image Issues of My 13 Year Old Daughter
Sorry in advance for the length.
I made a new account for this in case someone in real life sees it, as I don't want them to connect it to my actual Reddit account. Hope that's okay.
I'm a 35 year old father, my daughter is 13 and my wife/her mom died in 2018 (medical issue while driving leading to an auto accident).
It's been difficult raising her mostly on my own, as any single parent knows, playing the role of both parents. I'm not super gender-role mindsetted as a parent, but some things a girl wants a mom to talk to and only having a dad is unfortunate. I learned as much as I could about periods and whatnot before she got her first (a few weeks after she turned 10). I talk to her all the time about relationships, boys, consent, and so on. I've tried my best to walk the line between building her body confidence and talking too much about bodies as she grew up. All of that stuff that normally you'd want to lean on the mom for. It's not been easy.
As she's 13, she's become more and more argumentative. I know it's normal, but the mood swings and personality changes have been difficult to say the least. She's very crabby in the mornings, which is when most of our arguments occur. I know this is hormonal, but I also know not to mention that it's hormonal.
She has started having some body image issues. I'm 1/4 Hawai'i and my wife/her mom was 1/2 black and 1/2 white, so my daughter is 5/8 white. Still, she's definitely mixed with darker skin and hair. She's tried to dip her toes into black culture and not found it super welcoming and feels a bit lost as to identity which has been tough for me to really reconcile. I try to build her up on "You are you, an individual, and you don't need to identify with any specific thing from any specific culture but have confidence in yourself." Still, she has identity issues with wanting to belong and not feeling it.
Recently she got written up at school for saying to a boy: "shove a bloody tampon up your ass." She refused to tell me why she said it, but said he deserved it. So, since she wouldn't tell me, I had a conversation about appropriate ways to handle conflicts and how when you take the high road you usually come off as the good guy to others and don't get in trouble.
She does rowing, and recently told me she wanted to start joining me for workouts on top of her rowing. Some father-daughter time, which I was down for. We do her workout (which makes my glutes sore as heck) and then some weight lifting, which is my primary workout.
Earlier this week with the warm weather arriving she put on some shorts to wear to school. I told her that she had outgrown them since last year and needed to wear something else. They looked like they were literally stretched across her backside and too short. This immediately broke down into a conflict of "are you saying I have a big butt?!" To which I reiterated that, no, she simply outgrew her old shorts. Her mom was very curvy, and when I brought that up her response was just to be more insulted saying "Oh, so you're saying I have a big butt like mom?!" We went back and forth for a bit, and it got to the point to where she was just looking to be mad and I was pretty frustrated.
The next day, while we were working out, she admitted that she's really struggling with her body image. The boy she told to shove a bloody tampon up his ass has been harassing her at school, calling her "Jiggle butt" because it "jiggles when she walks." She also revealed that she does the workout that she does because it's supposed to make your butt firm and this was in response to the boy at school's comments.
She told me that when I punished her for the comment at school she felt like I wasn't being supportive and trusting that she made it for a good reason. She also said that when I told her she couldn't wear those old shorts that, in the moment, she felt like I was judging her body and not supporting her. Which really hurt, because even though I feel like all I do is support her I can understand why should feel that way.
I assured her that wasn't the case. She's a very healthy girl. She doesn't overeat and isn't overweight. Fairly skinny and in shape, but just curvy due to genetics. She does rowing twice a week and works out 3 other days with 2 non-workout days. She has a healthy body. She eats enough and gets good nutrition (although her love for cottage cheese and wanting it with every meal drives me crazy). I'm worried that if the body image issues continue that it could spiral into an eating disorder or other, darker thoughts. She really isn't someone who should be worrying about her body at all.
I really need advice going forward on how to talk to her about all of this. I know there are always going to be boys at school that make inappropriate comments about girls, though I did tell her I would email the school (and did) and affirmed that what the boy said was inappropriate. I also told her that boys and men will always be commenting on the bodies of girls and women, and while that doesn't make it okay, she does need to find healthy ways to cope and that she should never be afraid to tell me what they say. That I'll always be on her side.
I really just need advice on how to deal with body image going forward. As I said, I'm afraid of this snowballing and spiraling. She was so confident about her body until recently. Proud of what it can do, and undaunted by all the puberty changes. Took it all in stride, no issues, and was always very open with me about what it was going through and how she was feeling about it. That's changed, and I don't want to see her retreat into a shell of insecurity, suffering at the hands of judgemental peers while her mental health gets destroyed in the process.
So any advice, general or specific, would be highly appreciated.
submitted by CascadianPineapple to Parenting [link] [comments]
I made a new account for this in case someone in real life sees it, as I don't want them to connect it to my actual Reddit account. Hope that's okay.
I'm a 35 year old father, my daughter is 13 and my wife/her mom died in 2018 (medical issue while driving leading to an auto accident).
It's been difficult raising her mostly on my own, as any single parent knows, playing the role of both parents. I'm not super gender-role mindsetted as a parent, but some things a girl wants a mom to talk to and only having a dad is unfortunate. I learned as much as I could about periods and whatnot before she got her first (a few weeks after she turned 10). I talk to her all the time about relationships, boys, consent, and so on. I've tried my best to walk the line between building her body confidence and talking too much about bodies as she grew up. All of that stuff that normally you'd want to lean on the mom for. It's not been easy.
As she's 13, she's become more and more argumentative. I know it's normal, but the mood swings and personality changes have been difficult to say the least. She's very crabby in the mornings, which is when most of our arguments occur. I know this is hormonal, but I also know not to mention that it's hormonal.
She has started having some body image issues. I'm 1/4 Hawai'i and my wife/her mom was 1/2 black and 1/2 white, so my daughter is 5/8 white. Still, she's definitely mixed with darker skin and hair. She's tried to dip her toes into black culture and not found it super welcoming and feels a bit lost as to identity which has been tough for me to really reconcile. I try to build her up on "You are you, an individual, and you don't need to identify with any specific thing from any specific culture but have confidence in yourself." Still, she has identity issues with wanting to belong and not feeling it.
Recently she got written up at school for saying to a boy: "shove a bloody tampon up your ass." She refused to tell me why she said it, but said he deserved it. So, since she wouldn't tell me, I had a conversation about appropriate ways to handle conflicts and how when you take the high road you usually come off as the good guy to others and don't get in trouble.
She does rowing, and recently told me she wanted to start joining me for workouts on top of her rowing. Some father-daughter time, which I was down for. We do her workout (which makes my glutes sore as heck) and then some weight lifting, which is my primary workout.
Earlier this week with the warm weather arriving she put on some shorts to wear to school. I told her that she had outgrown them since last year and needed to wear something else. They looked like they were literally stretched across her backside and too short. This immediately broke down into a conflict of "are you saying I have a big butt?!" To which I reiterated that, no, she simply outgrew her old shorts. Her mom was very curvy, and when I brought that up her response was just to be more insulted saying "Oh, so you're saying I have a big butt like mom?!" We went back and forth for a bit, and it got to the point to where she was just looking to be mad and I was pretty frustrated.
The next day, while we were working out, she admitted that she's really struggling with her body image. The boy she told to shove a bloody tampon up his ass has been harassing her at school, calling her "Jiggle butt" because it "jiggles when she walks." She also revealed that she does the workout that she does because it's supposed to make your butt firm and this was in response to the boy at school's comments.
She told me that when I punished her for the comment at school she felt like I wasn't being supportive and trusting that she made it for a good reason. She also said that when I told her she couldn't wear those old shorts that, in the moment, she felt like I was judging her body and not supporting her. Which really hurt, because even though I feel like all I do is support her I can understand why should feel that way.
I assured her that wasn't the case. She's a very healthy girl. She doesn't overeat and isn't overweight. Fairly skinny and in shape, but just curvy due to genetics. She does rowing twice a week and works out 3 other days with 2 non-workout days. She has a healthy body. She eats enough and gets good nutrition (although her love for cottage cheese and wanting it with every meal drives me crazy). I'm worried that if the body image issues continue that it could spiral into an eating disorder or other, darker thoughts. She really isn't someone who should be worrying about her body at all.
I really need advice going forward on how to talk to her about all of this. I know there are always going to be boys at school that make inappropriate comments about girls, though I did tell her I would email the school (and did) and affirmed that what the boy said was inappropriate. I also told her that boys and men will always be commenting on the bodies of girls and women, and while that doesn't make it okay, she does need to find healthy ways to cope and that she should never be afraid to tell me what they say. That I'll always be on her side.
I really just need advice on how to deal with body image going forward. As I said, I'm afraid of this snowballing and spiraling. She was so confident about her body until recently. Proud of what it can do, and undaunted by all the puberty changes. Took it all in stride, no issues, and was always very open with me about what it was going through and how she was feeling about it. That's changed, and I don't want to see her retreat into a shell of insecurity, suffering at the hands of judgemental peers while her mental health gets destroyed in the process.
So any advice, general or specific, would be highly appreciated.
2024.05.06 18:27 NoHelp4597 growing pains
I was thinking about an email that my uncle had sent on how awful my ngrandma was to him. I had little empathy at the time, since I was like what is he complaining about? That is my childhood too, thus I thought it was perfectly normal, parents embarrass you so you behave better, its a form of correcting punishment. Ngrandma caught him masturbating once as a young teen, and she never let him forget it. Repeatedly embarrassing him, even in front of his siblings and dad. Mine was my period. I was a heavy bleeder and would get so sick. I would wear a tampon and a pad, and it still often was not enough. If I bled on anything (chair, bed, etc) or stained clothes she would scream and scream at me, and then I even remember her on a several occassionals calling my dad in to see what I had ruined. I remember once I was sitting in church and I was like, oh crap, it feels like I'm gushing and going to bleed through. I asked her if I could get by her and go to the bathroom and why. She was between me and the aisle to get out of there. And she made me sit there, saying it was rude to just get up in the middle of a sermon. I was mortified. Thankfully I didn't bleed through, but it was getting close to it. Another time in my sleep I bled through and stained my grandma's guest bed ( the normal grandma not the ngrandma). My mom was screaming at me in front of grandma (her mom) as grandma was trying to say it was alright, she can wash was the sheets and scrub it out.
submitted by NoHelp4597 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
2024.04.27 07:28 literally_virgo 32 - Did I waste too much time?
I am 32 years old, single, and have never been in a relationship. I have primary vaginismus, and I think the insecurities and low self esteem from that and PCOS have made me avoid dating. 9 years ago I bought a set of dilators, and then proceeded to never use them. Last month I actually got serious about it and have made some decent progress. I’m on 4/5. But despite feeling happy about progress, I worry I’ve wasted too much time. It feels too late now to start dating, and if by some miracle I did meet someone, it feels too late for marriage and children. The PCOS diagnosis was already going to make that complicated.
I guess I’m looking for reassurance? I don’t want to give up hope and resign myself to being alone. But I also feel like I’ve started so late.
For a little background, I’m not sure why I developed vaginismus. From research it could be due to a religious upbringing, physical punishment, and fear of pain with penetration. I first noticed it when I got tampons from a sex ed class and tried one with burning, painful results. I actually went to a gynecologist when I was a teenager because I suspected PCOS after textbook symptoms. I didn’t know what to expect, and the Pap smear was so shockingly painful it actually stole my breath away and made me dizzy and nauseous. All for her to tell me I was normal and send me on my way. (I was not, and went to a second doctor who actually did bloodwork and an ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis). From then on it was years of traumatizing Pap smears and feeling like a failure.
This subreddit has been super helpful and encouraging. I feel like even in just 9 years, there’s so many more resources and information that has become available. I really hope to fully overcome this because I’m so tired of feeling “less than” and of my fears and insecurities holding me back. Anyways, if you’ve taken the time to read this, thank you. Love to all!
submitted by literally_virgo to vaginismus [link] [comments]
I guess I’m looking for reassurance? I don’t want to give up hope and resign myself to being alone. But I also feel like I’ve started so late.
For a little background, I’m not sure why I developed vaginismus. From research it could be due to a religious upbringing, physical punishment, and fear of pain with penetration. I first noticed it when I got tampons from a sex ed class and tried one with burning, painful results. I actually went to a gynecologist when I was a teenager because I suspected PCOS after textbook symptoms. I didn’t know what to expect, and the Pap smear was so shockingly painful it actually stole my breath away and made me dizzy and nauseous. All for her to tell me I was normal and send me on my way. (I was not, and went to a second doctor who actually did bloodwork and an ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis). From then on it was years of traumatizing Pap smears and feeling like a failure.
This subreddit has been super helpful and encouraging. I feel like even in just 9 years, there’s so many more resources and information that has become available. I really hope to fully overcome this because I’m so tired of feeling “less than” and of my fears and insecurities holding me back. Anyways, if you’ve taken the time to read this, thank you. Love to all!
2024.04.23 13:03 auntycheese Heavy periods post baby - anyone else?
So I’ve had two babies and my periods are awful now. I guess I’m lucky that they’re not badly painful, but just so damn HEAVY and long now.
Pre kids - period was on a typical 28-30 day cycle. Periods would last 5-6 days with one heavy day, two moderate days and light for the others. Very manageable, mostly used tampons or just pantyliners on the lightest days.
Had my first baby at 36, my period came back at about 5 months PP despite breastfeeding until 14 months. The periods weren’t vastly different from before, maybe the one heavy day was a bit heavier, maybe they were one day longer.
After having my second baby at 40, my period didn’t return until about 12 months PP. But now I feel like I’m being punished for not having my period for so long! 😅
The cycles are highly unpredictable. Spotting between periods is not uncommon. My actual periods last 8-10 days. My current period started with 4 days of spotting, then today has been really heavy. From the pattern, I’ll likely have another very heavy day tomorrow, followed by 2 moderate days, and maybe 1-3 days of spotting.
It’s the unpredictability and heaviness that bother me. I’ve gone through SO many pairs of underwear from getting caught out. The heavy days are a nightmare, I am in constant fear of bleeding through whatever protection I wear (period undies are useless when the flow is that fast, tampons leak for me now, pads need to be replaced a lot and also sometimes leak).
I just turned 42 so peri-menopause may be to blame as much as anything, but any advice??
What products do you use? If yours are heavy too, how do you deal with work and childcare while on your very heavy days? I work in an office with hot desks and lime green chairs. I was so afraid I had leaked through today. I just HATE feeling like that at work.
Being a woman SUCKS.
submitted by auntycheese to BabyBumpsandBeyondAu [link] [comments]
Pre kids - period was on a typical 28-30 day cycle. Periods would last 5-6 days with one heavy day, two moderate days and light for the others. Very manageable, mostly used tampons or just pantyliners on the lightest days.
Had my first baby at 36, my period came back at about 5 months PP despite breastfeeding until 14 months. The periods weren’t vastly different from before, maybe the one heavy day was a bit heavier, maybe they were one day longer.
After having my second baby at 40, my period didn’t return until about 12 months PP. But now I feel like I’m being punished for not having my period for so long! 😅
The cycles are highly unpredictable. Spotting between periods is not uncommon. My actual periods last 8-10 days. My current period started with 4 days of spotting, then today has been really heavy. From the pattern, I’ll likely have another very heavy day tomorrow, followed by 2 moderate days, and maybe 1-3 days of spotting.
It’s the unpredictability and heaviness that bother me. I’ve gone through SO many pairs of underwear from getting caught out. The heavy days are a nightmare, I am in constant fear of bleeding through whatever protection I wear (period undies are useless when the flow is that fast, tampons leak for me now, pads need to be replaced a lot and also sometimes leak).
I just turned 42 so peri-menopause may be to blame as much as anything, but any advice??
What products do you use? If yours are heavy too, how do you deal with work and childcare while on your very heavy days? I work in an office with hot desks and lime green chairs. I was so afraid I had leaked through today. I just HATE feeling like that at work.
Being a woman SUCKS.
2024.04.21 16:49 MushroomLee720 AITAH for screaming at my father i wont make peace with my step-mom before a funeral.....
Trigger warning, mild verbal abuse I(23f) recently have gone no contact with my step mom(50f) for several reasons. All needed for background context; Last time i talked with her, i was complaining a bit about how hard it is growing up right now financially and in alot of other ways(which i once moved out at 18 when i screamed at my step mom i didn't respest her, moved back in around 20-21 then moved out again around 22 when i found my current partner(24M)) she said if my generation has it so hard, then we should go *poof at our own hands. Now im someone who struggles, to a crippling amoutn, with anxiety and depression(literally only talk to my bf and my one friend has anxiety worse than me and hasnt met my partner ever and I WFH and dont leave my apt other than for some shopping or if i need something for a new craft/project; currently seeing a therapist but in the process of picking a new one because the one im seeing doesnt help). I have done alot of reflection and it has been because of my childhood and the trauma i have received. So i have fought myself out of deep dark places before, ones i never thought id be here after, and hearing her saying that made me go off and i screamed about how she needed to be better support(mainly to me but i aimed it around my brother(21M) who is high school dropout and doesnt have a job and does nothing/has even worse anxiety and wont see a therapist and stays home allday, everyday) She called me a bitch and kicked me out of their house. I went no contact, this was around December of 2023. (Still talk to my father and brothers, father can talk to me a bit about how i was mistreated and cries when i bring it up and apologizes and i wont let my hatred/bitterness created by my parents effect my relationship with my half brothers so i still talk to them)
**Some more needed background of my relationship between step mom, father(56M), and grandparents(fathers side);
Growing up i wasnt allowed to see my grandparents much on my fathers side, my grandparents would be very vocal about the mistreatment i would receive versus my brother. I cried alot to them when i couldnt understand what was going on(my grandfather wasnt the greatest love either, he always had a comment to say about my body and if i was attractive) but my grandparents, admittedly, were the only type of genuine love i received as a child. My parents invalidated all my emotions(i could never have a bad childhood because i had a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in my belly which my parents grew up not always receiving that, step mom more so, my dad just had a harsh childhood home), my step mom would always make sure to let me know how much of a burden i am and how she wishes i wasnt alive because shed have it so easy and i would be getting all this screamed at me, she loved grabbing my shoulders and screaming that at me when she was very close to my face, telling me she wish she could baby shake me. My parents took photos of my body in vulnerable positions at home(where i thought id have privacy/comfort) and send it back and forth to one another and make fun of my body and just who i am as a person.....and then tell me about it while laughing. (And my brother who is two years younger than me had quite the opposite; no hand was to be laid on him, if he got screamed at my step mom would scream at my father, and both my brothers (i have one who is 21M and one who is 14M) had professional photos of them taken growing up and was always told how handsome they were and all their school work got praised. Where as my school work never mattered (I kept great grades because i loved school, it was my safe place despite being physically bullied for a bit), my humor was never funny unless i was picking someone apart, i was never allowed to really go see friends because they always needed to come out of their way and get me (we lived far away from my school so most parents/people didnt want to drive out where i lived) but i was too old to hang out with my brother and his friends(i also had my phone taken away for weeks/months at a time so i wouldnt have contact with my friends), i was threatened to be kicked out for using tampons(my step moms idea which led to my father calling me a slu*, which has happened more than once) which when my brothers(yes, both) started using drugs my parents laughed about it and blah blah blah, alot of other things.
Anyway yeah, thats some reasons on why my grandparents didnt like her, and to prove it, i was once caught talking to my grandfather over facebook when i was in 7th grade (around the time i was physically bullied but my family didnt know that, since school never gave me anxiety, going home did) and as punishment my head was shaved. My father held me down as i cried because i didnt want to lose my hair and i saw a razor versus scissors and my mom laughed as she shaved my hair. I point this one instant out because it matters How much i wasnt allowed to see/talk to them and how much my parents didnt like them. (My father has his own issues with them about mistreatment when he was a kid but thats not relevant to the story)
ANYWAY, my grandfather died on March 12th. Its been rough having to work through that but i havent vocalized my greif to my family at all. I dont think theyd understand my position and grief in this. My father lost his father and i just felt like my feelings werent important so i just talked to him about his grief. The one thing i did tell him was that, my grandparents LOVED to actually sing me the "you are my sunshine" song. My father never knew that but it was something i cherished. Well i get a package in the mail about a week ago, its a music box for that exact song. At first i loved it, and then i found out it was from my step mom. I lost it, i broke down because i thought it was some type of cruel joke but i know its just her way of trying to reach out to me. I am currently in the process of returning it and i told my father i didnt want it. He understood. Well the funeral for my grandfather is coming up May 3rd and originally i was going to drive up with my father and brothers into california for the funeral but last night i found out, my step mom will be there. I called my father(because i found out over text) and told him politely i did not want to go if she will be there. He kept saying that i wont be around her but i know we are staying several days so id have to stay in the same room as her at one point. (I dont have the financial means to just get my own hotel room once up there unfortunately and my father borrowed a couple hundred from me recently so that gives you an idea of where they are at financially) and my father told me we need to make peace. I said i have nothing to say and i wont be making peace with her. (I did start raising my voice at this point) and he kept going on about how we need to talk and we need to air out our differences. I started screaming at the top of my lungs i will not be seeing her, i will not be talking to her, and i will not be making peace with her. I have nothing to say and im not in the wrong and then i broke down and hung up because i dont like raising my voice and answering to my anger. My father hasnt texted me since and i dont know if i shouldnt have screamed at him. I usually try to control my emotions a bit better but when it comes to them its hard. I know hes in a fragile state and i know he wants me there for him (my step mom used me alot as a kid to type flirtatious messages to someone she knew and constantly told me she never loved my father and she would always bring up how she had so many loves get away and she doesnt love my father anymore more than a friend and she pits my brothers against my father so she can be viewed as the good guy/friend) and so i know he would do good from having that support from me but I cant bring myself to be around her, ESPECIALLY at my grandfathers funeral.....
AITAH for screaming at my father that i dont need to make peace with my step mom, shes the one, and refusing to go the the funeral as my fathers fathers funeral is coming up??
submitted by MushroomLee720 to AITAH [link] [comments]
**Some more needed background of my relationship between step mom, father(56M), and grandparents(fathers side);
Growing up i wasnt allowed to see my grandparents much on my fathers side, my grandparents would be very vocal about the mistreatment i would receive versus my brother. I cried alot to them when i couldnt understand what was going on(my grandfather wasnt the greatest love either, he always had a comment to say about my body and if i was attractive) but my grandparents, admittedly, were the only type of genuine love i received as a child. My parents invalidated all my emotions(i could never have a bad childhood because i had a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in my belly which my parents grew up not always receiving that, step mom more so, my dad just had a harsh childhood home), my step mom would always make sure to let me know how much of a burden i am and how she wishes i wasnt alive because shed have it so easy and i would be getting all this screamed at me, she loved grabbing my shoulders and screaming that at me when she was very close to my face, telling me she wish she could baby shake me. My parents took photos of my body in vulnerable positions at home(where i thought id have privacy/comfort) and send it back and forth to one another and make fun of my body and just who i am as a person.....and then tell me about it while laughing. (And my brother who is two years younger than me had quite the opposite; no hand was to be laid on him, if he got screamed at my step mom would scream at my father, and both my brothers (i have one who is 21M and one who is 14M) had professional photos of them taken growing up and was always told how handsome they were and all their school work got praised. Where as my school work never mattered (I kept great grades because i loved school, it was my safe place despite being physically bullied for a bit), my humor was never funny unless i was picking someone apart, i was never allowed to really go see friends because they always needed to come out of their way and get me (we lived far away from my school so most parents/people didnt want to drive out where i lived) but i was too old to hang out with my brother and his friends(i also had my phone taken away for weeks/months at a time so i wouldnt have contact with my friends), i was threatened to be kicked out for using tampons(my step moms idea which led to my father calling me a slu*, which has happened more than once) which when my brothers(yes, both) started using drugs my parents laughed about it and blah blah blah, alot of other things.
Anyway yeah, thats some reasons on why my grandparents didnt like her, and to prove it, i was once caught talking to my grandfather over facebook when i was in 7th grade (around the time i was physically bullied but my family didnt know that, since school never gave me anxiety, going home did) and as punishment my head was shaved. My father held me down as i cried because i didnt want to lose my hair and i saw a razor versus scissors and my mom laughed as she shaved my hair. I point this one instant out because it matters How much i wasnt allowed to see/talk to them and how much my parents didnt like them. (My father has his own issues with them about mistreatment when he was a kid but thats not relevant to the story)
ANYWAY, my grandfather died on March 12th. Its been rough having to work through that but i havent vocalized my greif to my family at all. I dont think theyd understand my position and grief in this. My father lost his father and i just felt like my feelings werent important so i just talked to him about his grief. The one thing i did tell him was that, my grandparents LOVED to actually sing me the "you are my sunshine" song. My father never knew that but it was something i cherished. Well i get a package in the mail about a week ago, its a music box for that exact song. At first i loved it, and then i found out it was from my step mom. I lost it, i broke down because i thought it was some type of cruel joke but i know its just her way of trying to reach out to me. I am currently in the process of returning it and i told my father i didnt want it. He understood. Well the funeral for my grandfather is coming up May 3rd and originally i was going to drive up with my father and brothers into california for the funeral but last night i found out, my step mom will be there. I called my father(because i found out over text) and told him politely i did not want to go if she will be there. He kept saying that i wont be around her but i know we are staying several days so id have to stay in the same room as her at one point. (I dont have the financial means to just get my own hotel room once up there unfortunately and my father borrowed a couple hundred from me recently so that gives you an idea of where they are at financially) and my father told me we need to make peace. I said i have nothing to say and i wont be making peace with her. (I did start raising my voice at this point) and he kept going on about how we need to talk and we need to air out our differences. I started screaming at the top of my lungs i will not be seeing her, i will not be talking to her, and i will not be making peace with her. I have nothing to say and im not in the wrong and then i broke down and hung up because i dont like raising my voice and answering to my anger. My father hasnt texted me since and i dont know if i shouldnt have screamed at him. I usually try to control my emotions a bit better but when it comes to them its hard. I know hes in a fragile state and i know he wants me there for him (my step mom used me alot as a kid to type flirtatious messages to someone she knew and constantly told me she never loved my father and she would always bring up how she had so many loves get away and she doesnt love my father anymore more than a friend and she pits my brothers against my father so she can be viewed as the good guy/friend) and so i know he would do good from having that support from me but I cant bring myself to be around her, ESPECIALLY at my grandfathers funeral.....
AITAH for screaming at my father that i dont need to make peace with my step mom, shes the one, and refusing to go the the funeral as my fathers fathers funeral is coming up??
2024.04.17 18:10 disasteress Unpopular opinion: I enjoy the hot flashes. Am I alone?
Ok, so I may end up being VERY unpopular with this take but for some reason I like them. I am 50 and I think I am finally actually going through perimenopause.
Haven't had my period for a couple of months (which in itself is not unheard of for me, I had a few instances like this in the last 10 or so years, otherwise always very regular), and the last 4-5 periods were an absolute blood bath (felt like it was my body punishing me for not getting the last few scragglers fertilized). I always had heavy period but these were ridiculous, soaking through tampons in 20 minutes etc. I was also travelling outside my country so tried to avoid having to go to a hospital or doctor and relied on Tranexomic Acid and Nsaid (Naproxen) to try to mitigate.
However, while missing the last two periods may not be definite proof, I also started getting hot flashes. The thing though is that, until now, I did not realize that I had these throughout my life for some reason. Not sure of anyone else experienced them since childhood.
I would have these extreme hot flash events, almost exclusively at night, where I felt as if I was about to spontaneously combust. The very first one I remember having I was around 9-10 and I think I caught some kind of a virus and was "on fire" during a camping trip. Ever since, occasionally I would have these flare ups. Same "on fire" feeling but not sick, no other symptoms or issues. Eventually, I have grown used to them and even enjoyed them in a cozy way. My partners in bed less so, as I was often nicknamed "furnace", "convection oven" and one ex pushed me away in the middle of the night loudly crying out "you're burning me! You're burning me!" (thought it was kinda funny, still laugh every time I remember it).
Hot flashes now, while only lasting maybe a minute and happening throughout the day and I am not woken up by them at night, remind me of these on fire instances and for some reason I like them.
TL;DR: I like my hot flashes. It's like a wave of warmth washing over me, it's cozy. Am I alone and delulu?
submitted by disasteress to Menopause [link] [comments]
Haven't had my period for a couple of months (which in itself is not unheard of for me, I had a few instances like this in the last 10 or so years, otherwise always very regular), and the last 4-5 periods were an absolute blood bath (felt like it was my body punishing me for not getting the last few scragglers fertilized). I always had heavy period but these were ridiculous, soaking through tampons in 20 minutes etc. I was also travelling outside my country so tried to avoid having to go to a hospital or doctor and relied on Tranexomic Acid and Nsaid (Naproxen) to try to mitigate.
However, while missing the last two periods may not be definite proof, I also started getting hot flashes. The thing though is that, until now, I did not realize that I had these throughout my life for some reason. Not sure of anyone else experienced them since childhood.
I would have these extreme hot flash events, almost exclusively at night, where I felt as if I was about to spontaneously combust. The very first one I remember having I was around 9-10 and I think I caught some kind of a virus and was "on fire" during a camping trip. Ever since, occasionally I would have these flare ups. Same "on fire" feeling but not sick, no other symptoms or issues. Eventually, I have grown used to them and even enjoyed them in a cozy way. My partners in bed less so, as I was often nicknamed "furnace", "convection oven" and one ex pushed me away in the middle of the night loudly crying out "you're burning me! You're burning me!" (thought it was kinda funny, still laugh every time I remember it).
Hot flashes now, while only lasting maybe a minute and happening throughout the day and I am not woken up by them at night, remind me of these on fire instances and for some reason I like them.
TL;DR: I like my hot flashes. It's like a wave of warmth washing over me, it's cozy. Am I alone and delulu?
2024.04.13 18:22 judyp63 Fundie child exploitation
Carlin and Evan Stewart, Josie and Kelton Balka, Tori and Zack Roloff, Joy and Austin Forsyth, Jeremy and oddj Roloff, Labrant family, Katie and Travis Clark, Karissa and her man Collins, Jill Rodrigues, Tanner and Lauren Beeston, Derick and Sarah Beeston and all other influencers who exploit their kids need to be interviewed by CPS and explained what perverts do when they see their kids.
Making a change regarding child influencer exploitation
(I’m going to repost this in multiple subreddits) I’ve seen a lot of growing discourse over the past few years regarding parent influencers and the exploitation of their children. Something that you can do is write or email your state senator. Encourage them to make changes and make laws to help protect child influencers. It may or may not fall on deaf ears, but enough people sending them messages may help spur legal change.
I wrote this letter with some help from chat gpt. Let me know if it’s missing anything. Copy, paste, add your own name and other things you might want to say. I’m gonna email and physically send a copy to my state senators.
[Your Name] [City, State, ZIP Code] [Email Address] [Date]
[Senator's Full Name] [Office Address] [City, State, ZIP Code]
Subject: Urgent Need for Legislation to Protect Child Influencers on Social Media Platforms
Dear Senator [Last Name],
I hope this letter finds you well. My name is [Your Name], and I live in [Place of residency]. I am a concerned constituent writing to you today to bring attention to an issue of growing significance across the United States: the well-being and protection of child influencers on popular social media platforms such as TikTok, Youtube, and Instagram. I believe that as our society evolves, it is crucial for our legal framework to adapt and safeguard the interests of the youngest members of our community.
The rise of child influencers has become a prevalent phenomenon in recent years, with many children gaining popularity on public social media platforms. While sharing videos of your child on public social media platforms may seem fun and innocent, there are many instances where child influencers are exposed to potential harm, exploitation, and privacy violations. Children cannot consent to having their personal life posted on the internet.
Last month, popular YouTube “momfluencer” Ruby Franke plead guilty to child abuse in Utah. “A Utah mother of six who gave parenting advice on YouTube pleaded guilty Monday to child abuse charges and will go to prison for trying to convince her two youngest children they were evil, possessed and needed to be punished to repent.” (Source: www.cbsnews.com/news/ruby-franke-plea-agreement-child-abuse-youtube/)
Last year, many people on TikTok were concerned with the way a mother was exposing her daughter on the platform. “At first glance, much of the content posted on @wren.eleanor, a TikTok account with more than 17 million followers, is fairly innocuous. The page largely consists of videos of an adorable little girl with flaxen pigtails who looks to be about three, climbing counters to get Girl Scout cookies, bursting water balloons on the 4th of July, and eating apple cider donuts. The account also appears to be making money, with Wren’s mother Jacquelyn posting sponsored content featuring the two of them for brands like Shein and Hippeas. The concern seems to be centered more on the type of content Jacquelyn is posting, such as a (now-deleted) video of Wren playing with a tampon or Wren taking a bath in a bathing suit, according to posts on a subreddit devoted to Wren that has more than 13,000 subscribers. Commenters have pointed out not only that such videos get more likes and saves than some of Wren’s other videos, but they have even tracked down the social media footprints of some of Wren’s followers, pointing to concerning comments they have made or other videos they have saved to indicate they may be sexually attracted to children. Commenters have also pointed to the existence of fan accounts for Wren and searches such as “Wren eating corn dog” and “Wren scandalous outfits” as evidence that she is being sexualized by a contingent of her followers.” (Source: www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-news/tiktok-wren-eleanor-moms-controversy-1385182/) Despite a large outcry about this content, the mother (Jacquelyn) still posts videos of her young daughter. Ruby Franke and Wren’s mother are just two examples of countless influencer parents who have posted questionable videos of their children for content and money.
Child labor laws for actors have been in place for decades, ensuring that minors in the entertainment industry are provided with essential protections. I believe it is time to extend similar safeguards to child influencers on social media platforms. These laws could establish guidelines regarding working hours, appropriate content, financial compensation, and the overall well-being of the child involved. Some parent influencers, with hundreds of thousands to millions of followers, make a significant amount of money through views and sponsorships from posting content revolving around their child or children. There are almost no laws in place ensuring that their children will be able to use this money when they turn 18.
Exposing children to the public eye without adequate safeguards could have lasting consequences on their mental and emotional well-being. Children, especially those too young to articulate their desires, may not have a say in what is shared about them online. This lack of agency could lead to potential long-term psychological effects and invasions of their privacy.
I kindly request your support in considering and championing legislation that addresses these concerns. By establishing legal protections for child influencers, we can ensure that their rights are safeguarded, and they are provided with a nurturing environment to grow and develop without undue exploitation.
I appreciate your time and commitment to the well-being of our community's youngest members. I believe that with your leadership, we can create a safer online environment for child influencers. Thank you for your attention to this critical matter, and I look forward to hearing about any actions you may take in response to this concern.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]
submitted by judyp63 to AllFundieSnark [link] [comments]
Making a change regarding child influencer exploitation
(I’m going to repost this in multiple subreddits) I’ve seen a lot of growing discourse over the past few years regarding parent influencers and the exploitation of their children. Something that you can do is write or email your state senator. Encourage them to make changes and make laws to help protect child influencers. It may or may not fall on deaf ears, but enough people sending them messages may help spur legal change.
I wrote this letter with some help from chat gpt. Let me know if it’s missing anything. Copy, paste, add your own name and other things you might want to say. I’m gonna email and physically send a copy to my state senators.
[Your Name] [City, State, ZIP Code] [Email Address] [Date]
[Senator's Full Name] [Office Address] [City, State, ZIP Code]
Subject: Urgent Need for Legislation to Protect Child Influencers on Social Media Platforms
Dear Senator [Last Name],
I hope this letter finds you well. My name is [Your Name], and I live in [Place of residency]. I am a concerned constituent writing to you today to bring attention to an issue of growing significance across the United States: the well-being and protection of child influencers on popular social media platforms such as TikTok, Youtube, and Instagram. I believe that as our society evolves, it is crucial for our legal framework to adapt and safeguard the interests of the youngest members of our community.
The rise of child influencers has become a prevalent phenomenon in recent years, with many children gaining popularity on public social media platforms. While sharing videos of your child on public social media platforms may seem fun and innocent, there are many instances where child influencers are exposed to potential harm, exploitation, and privacy violations. Children cannot consent to having their personal life posted on the internet.
Last month, popular YouTube “momfluencer” Ruby Franke plead guilty to child abuse in Utah. “A Utah mother of six who gave parenting advice on YouTube pleaded guilty Monday to child abuse charges and will go to prison for trying to convince her two youngest children they were evil, possessed and needed to be punished to repent.” (Source: www.cbsnews.com/news/ruby-franke-plea-agreement-child-abuse-youtube/)
Last year, many people on TikTok were concerned with the way a mother was exposing her daughter on the platform. “At first glance, much of the content posted on @wren.eleanor, a TikTok account with more than 17 million followers, is fairly innocuous. The page largely consists of videos of an adorable little girl with flaxen pigtails who looks to be about three, climbing counters to get Girl Scout cookies, bursting water balloons on the 4th of July, and eating apple cider donuts. The account also appears to be making money, with Wren’s mother Jacquelyn posting sponsored content featuring the two of them for brands like Shein and Hippeas. The concern seems to be centered more on the type of content Jacquelyn is posting, such as a (now-deleted) video of Wren playing with a tampon or Wren taking a bath in a bathing suit, according to posts on a subreddit devoted to Wren that has more than 13,000 subscribers. Commenters have pointed out not only that such videos get more likes and saves than some of Wren’s other videos, but they have even tracked down the social media footprints of some of Wren’s followers, pointing to concerning comments they have made or other videos they have saved to indicate they may be sexually attracted to children. Commenters have also pointed to the existence of fan accounts for Wren and searches such as “Wren eating corn dog” and “Wren scandalous outfits” as evidence that she is being sexualized by a contingent of her followers.” (Source: www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-news/tiktok-wren-eleanor-moms-controversy-1385182/) Despite a large outcry about this content, the mother (Jacquelyn) still posts videos of her young daughter. Ruby Franke and Wren’s mother are just two examples of countless influencer parents who have posted questionable videos of their children for content and money.
Child labor laws for actors have been in place for decades, ensuring that minors in the entertainment industry are provided with essential protections. I believe it is time to extend similar safeguards to child influencers on social media platforms. These laws could establish guidelines regarding working hours, appropriate content, financial compensation, and the overall well-being of the child involved. Some parent influencers, with hundreds of thousands to millions of followers, make a significant amount of money through views and sponsorships from posting content revolving around their child or children. There are almost no laws in place ensuring that their children will be able to use this money when they turn 18.
Exposing children to the public eye without adequate safeguards could have lasting consequences on their mental and emotional well-being. Children, especially those too young to articulate their desires, may not have a say in what is shared about them online. This lack of agency could lead to potential long-term psychological effects and invasions of their privacy.
I kindly request your support in considering and championing legislation that addresses these concerns. By establishing legal protections for child influencers, we can ensure that their rights are safeguarded, and they are provided with a nurturing environment to grow and develop without undue exploitation.
I appreciate your time and commitment to the well-being of our community's youngest members. I believe that with your leadership, we can create a safer online environment for child influencers. Thank you for your attention to this critical matter, and I look forward to hearing about any actions you may take in response to this concern.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]
2024.04.09 10:00 Silverman7688 I honestly don't know what I am anymore.
Sorry this is kinda all over the place. Kinda lengthy post. Sorry if something doesn't make sense. This is mostly venting and me telling about every fucked up thing that happened to me.
When I was a kid I Genuinely thought that I was supposed to be a boy and that God must've made a mistake(I was raised by super religious homophobic parents) now I'm an atheist and I feel much more free.
Because when everyone started to go through puberty my female classmates became feminine looking while I gained so many unwanted masculine features.
Then I learn about pcos and I find out I have it because I got it from my moms side.
Then I'm starting to remember my messed up childhood because I'm trying to heal from my cptsd. And now I'm remembering what happened more clearly.
I remember getting beat up by my autistic older brother who's only a year older than me because simply breathing near him wrong set him off. Parents didn't do anything because they said "he can't help it" . I always fought back against my brother but always lost. Which would end up me crying in the bathroom and gaining a new bruise or two. This would happen often. I never won against my brother. Then my youngest brother started tormenting my youngest sister. At first it was just him calling her names. But then she called him a bad name back and he went ballistic. I remember I was sitting in my room that day when my little sister sprinted to my room and my flight ot fight response kicked in and i immediately closed the door and sat on the ground to prevent my younger brother from getting in. The only reason my younger brother didn't get in was because I was extremely overweight as a kid so he couldn't move me as i sat on the floor holding the door closed and my younger brother was extremely skinny. He was actually full on intending to kill my little sister that day. I remember shaking while thinking "if only I was born a guy, I would've been strong enough to protect my little sister" . This happened like 7 times or more. When he got bigger I started to move my dresser to the door + me keeping the door closed. The door knob got lose overtime, but I never allowed my younger brother to actually hit my sister. I still hate myself for not being brave enough to stand up to my younger brother when he would emotionally abuse her. I should've done something. I should've spoke up. But I didn't.
I think that's when my gender dysphoria got worse. I saved my little sister from my younger brother countless times. But unfortunately my little sister still got cptsd from that piece of shit. My younger brother was abused my older brother who abused me as well. So I think my younger brother started taking it out on my little sister, plus i think my youner brother was jealous that he wasn't getting all of my parents attention anymore. Not to mention my pos dad abusing me and everyone else didn't make it better.
I grabbed my little brothers arm once time really hard when I was around 16 when he was about to hit my little sister and since that day he kinda stopped trying to kill her. He still called me and her names but I think I scared him off kinda. I still remember the look in my younger brothers eyes when he would purposely make my sister cry. He was fucken smiling, he had this proud look on his face. Reminded me of a serial killer sorta.
Also as I'm remembering my childhood I remember I was like 7 years old and I was playing in my other siblings(the nice one) room when my older brother(the same one who would go on to physically abuse me later on) walked in.
I don't remember much but I remember being on the bed playing with toys when my older brother overpowered me. I tried to get away but he put his weight on top of me. I remember him forcing his mouth on mine and then do something. I don't remember the rest.
But now as an adult I'm hypersexual and I don't know why. I also found out about porn when I was 12 because I was unrestricted access to the internet. But I didn't fully understand what was happening until I was 14. I don't honestly know why I watched it.
But no matter how hard I try to remember I don't remember if my older brother did anything else to me that day but i do remember feeling confused and disgusted afterwards. I never told anyone this.
Maybe I wanted to be a guy because I had no positive male role models and I wanted my sister to have a stronger sibling who would protect her? I don't know anymore. My younger sister and I are best friends now despite our 7+ year age gap. I would do anything to protect her if my older brother started to go back to his old ways. I think I remember him about to hit her once when I was around 12 maybe? But I stood infront of him to shield her. Then he pushed me down on the bed and just left??? Idk why he just left. But he never attempted to hit my younger sister after that.
My parents and my abusive brothers conveniently forgot. My older brother doesn't beat me up anymore but he's still a menace so I just avoid him since I can't move out due to my disabilities which make it impossible for me to get a job and move out. My younger brother has since moved out the moment he turned 18 thankfully.
I remember as a kid I would draw pictures of me pushing my evil brothers off a cliff or them dying in different ways. I one time found it in old boxes and shredded it to pieces as my mom looked at confused and said "why did you rip your childhood drawing?" . Then I remembered that my mom suffers from cptsd(she is still in denial about it) from HER own parents and siblings abusing her. So it's generational trauma. And of course she had to marry an abuser and have 6 fucken kids with that pos while both of them were mentally and financially unstable and broke.
I finally admitted to my mom what happened(just not the SA part) about 2 months ago and SHE was the one who started crying while saying "I thought he(my evil brothers) was just playing around". I told her what my younger brother did to my little sister. And what my older brother did to me(I left out the SA part). I didn't wanna cause her anymore stress since she has heart problems and is getting old so I dropped it and changed the topic.
It didn't help that my dad barely was at home when I was a kid. And sometimes my mom would take a break and go with him to work for a couple days or sometimes a week to support him. and that's when ALL hell would break loose and my evil brothers would see it as a sign to do whatever the fuck they wanted. My oldest 2 siblings(the nice ones) didn't notice and probably didn't care as they had their own shit to deal with. I did the best I could to protect and shield my little sister. And then my evil brothers would pretend like nothing happened when parents returned. When I told them that my brothers were bullying me and my sister my parents said "we'll talk to them". They talked to them which solved absolutely FUCKEN Nothing. So I stopped trying and just protected my sister the best I could.
I started to hate all autistic people at one point because everytime my autistic older brother would abuse me my parents would say "he can't help it he's autistic, just ignore him" . Then I realized that not all autistic people are horrible when I met a couple of nice ones. And that being autistic doesn't give someone the right to abuse people. Nothing does.
But I'm still kinda scared of them, well not scared but nervous when i find out someone im talking to is autistic?? Cause I start remembering my childhood.
I remember wanting to get therapy when I was 14 because I was depressed and suicidal and doing SH which my mom found out because my oldest sibling snitched. Then my mom finally agreed and says "just don't tell what dad did to you". I had to agree but then I was late to the therapy appointment and I never asked for a reschedule because i found it pointless if I can't talk about the main cause of my trauma. The worst part was my mother called my SH scars "scratches" and then after I was trying to heal she would sometimes ask "do you still scratch yourself?" . It just made me want to do SH again. But thankfully I'm now around 6+ years clean.
I had my first and last attempt at 16 in the bathtub. Never did it again. Now I can't handle taking baths so I only shower tho.
I only stopped and survived because i suddenly thought about who would protect my little sister of I'm not there? My parents sure as hell wouldn't. Nobody noticed as I cleaned up the evidence and went to eat dinner like nothing happened.
I was basically forced to become a mother figure for my little sister. She now goes to me for any questions instead of my mom. My sister also admitted that she sees me as a mother figure more than our mom. I remember having to comfort her many times. While my mom did nothing. I tried to support my sister the best I could. After having like 6 kids you would think that my mom would've learned how to comfort her own kids better. But It's honestly so exhausting being a parent figure because overtime my sister will grow too dependent on me. But I'm teaching my sister everything I've learned that my parents failed to teach me like hygiene, brushing teeth everyday, building healthy habits, how to have a better self esteem, etc). I had to explain to my sister everything about puberty because my mom was too embarrassed despite having 6 kids. Also I remember suffering from heavy flow and not being allowed to use a tampon which would've been better because my mom believed that using a tampon is a sin. When my sister wanted to try a tampon I explained to her and got her her first tampons despite my mom disagreeing.
These days I'm using tampons only, I hate pads because I'm a bigger woman and pads just always caused me to leak my period blood even the night ones. At least I never experienced period cramps thankfully. My period is lighter these days but I still prefer tampon cause they're more comfortable.
However my 3 older siblings started to drink heavily the moment they turned 21 which followed by hearing loud Vomiting and the smell of puke in the bathroom the next morning almost daily they stopped drinking as hard later on but the sounds and memories still Haunt me. I can't even handle smelling alcohol or smelling it on someone's breath without feeling nausea and wanting to gag. When I hear or see someone Vomiting due to drinking alcohol I freeze and can't move.
The most intense drinking sessions they had was when i was still a teenager so that added another trauma to my pile. I'm glad I'm allergic/intolerant to that shit because i have an addictive personality. Never understood how can someone drink something so foul smelling. Why would anyone want to get used to it? I'm an adult now and still don't understand. It causes more problems and will never fix any. I don't judge people drinking lightly from time to time to get a small buzz but anything more is irresponsible and pointless.
I also have a permanent speech impediment that won't go away or improve. And I don't know if my cptsd made me have a speech impediment Or did I always have it. I don't honestly know what mental issues i have anymore.
Also I almost drowned in the ocean once because I was playing on a beach and underestimated how strong the waves were. I started getting carried away and couldn't swim properly so I panic. Thankfully my older sister didn't fall asleep and saw me and pulled me out before I got too far. Now I can't get into the water if I can't see the bottom. I'm also claustrophobic so I only swim in clear swimming pools. I can't swim in deep ones though no matter how well I can see the bottom. If my feet can't touch the bottom I panic and get out.
I'm terrified of tight spaces, idk why though.
Oh yeah and my friend sent me a gore video once because I told her I liked horror movies and she for some reason assumed I would love gore like her. I pretended I liked it because i was a lot worse people pleaser back then. We started talk about gore and send eachother videos. I pretended to love it just as much as she did cause she was My first and only Friend. It didn't really hit me until I stopped being friends with her that I realized how fucked up those videos were. I now can't watch 98% of horror movies.
So that's all the trauma I experienced(or could remember) so far. I wanna get My own place and live nearby so that my sister can come over whenever she wants too in case she gets stressed out living at home with parents, or I can pick her up. But unfortunately getting a job is nearly impossible for me because of My disabilities.
I sometimes think that my trauma isn't that bad when I saw someone comment how their sibling would chase them with a knife with the intent to kill them. Or how some parents would take away their kids door or a whole bed as punishment. However everyone has different levels of trauma. Trauma is still trauma.
submitted by Silverman7688 to CPTSD [link] [comments]
When I was a kid I Genuinely thought that I was supposed to be a boy and that God must've made a mistake(I was raised by super religious homophobic parents) now I'm an atheist and I feel much more free.
Because when everyone started to go through puberty my female classmates became feminine looking while I gained so many unwanted masculine features.
Then I learn about pcos and I find out I have it because I got it from my moms side.
Then I'm starting to remember my messed up childhood because I'm trying to heal from my cptsd. And now I'm remembering what happened more clearly.
I remember getting beat up by my autistic older brother who's only a year older than me because simply breathing near him wrong set him off. Parents didn't do anything because they said "he can't help it" . I always fought back against my brother but always lost. Which would end up me crying in the bathroom and gaining a new bruise or two. This would happen often. I never won against my brother. Then my youngest brother started tormenting my youngest sister. At first it was just him calling her names. But then she called him a bad name back and he went ballistic. I remember I was sitting in my room that day when my little sister sprinted to my room and my flight ot fight response kicked in and i immediately closed the door and sat on the ground to prevent my younger brother from getting in. The only reason my younger brother didn't get in was because I was extremely overweight as a kid so he couldn't move me as i sat on the floor holding the door closed and my younger brother was extremely skinny. He was actually full on intending to kill my little sister that day. I remember shaking while thinking "if only I was born a guy, I would've been strong enough to protect my little sister" . This happened like 7 times or more. When he got bigger I started to move my dresser to the door + me keeping the door closed. The door knob got lose overtime, but I never allowed my younger brother to actually hit my sister. I still hate myself for not being brave enough to stand up to my younger brother when he would emotionally abuse her. I should've done something. I should've spoke up. But I didn't.
I think that's when my gender dysphoria got worse. I saved my little sister from my younger brother countless times. But unfortunately my little sister still got cptsd from that piece of shit. My younger brother was abused my older brother who abused me as well. So I think my younger brother started taking it out on my little sister, plus i think my youner brother was jealous that he wasn't getting all of my parents attention anymore. Not to mention my pos dad abusing me and everyone else didn't make it better.
I grabbed my little brothers arm once time really hard when I was around 16 when he was about to hit my little sister and since that day he kinda stopped trying to kill her. He still called me and her names but I think I scared him off kinda. I still remember the look in my younger brothers eyes when he would purposely make my sister cry. He was fucken smiling, he had this proud look on his face. Reminded me of a serial killer sorta.
Also as I'm remembering my childhood I remember I was like 7 years old and I was playing in my other siblings(the nice one) room when my older brother(the same one who would go on to physically abuse me later on) walked in.
I don't remember much but I remember being on the bed playing with toys when my older brother overpowered me. I tried to get away but he put his weight on top of me. I remember him forcing his mouth on mine and then do something. I don't remember the rest.
But now as an adult I'm hypersexual and I don't know why. I also found out about porn when I was 12 because I was unrestricted access to the internet. But I didn't fully understand what was happening until I was 14. I don't honestly know why I watched it.
But no matter how hard I try to remember I don't remember if my older brother did anything else to me that day but i do remember feeling confused and disgusted afterwards. I never told anyone this.
Maybe I wanted to be a guy because I had no positive male role models and I wanted my sister to have a stronger sibling who would protect her? I don't know anymore. My younger sister and I are best friends now despite our 7+ year age gap. I would do anything to protect her if my older brother started to go back to his old ways. I think I remember him about to hit her once when I was around 12 maybe? But I stood infront of him to shield her. Then he pushed me down on the bed and just left??? Idk why he just left. But he never attempted to hit my younger sister after that.
My parents and my abusive brothers conveniently forgot. My older brother doesn't beat me up anymore but he's still a menace so I just avoid him since I can't move out due to my disabilities which make it impossible for me to get a job and move out. My younger brother has since moved out the moment he turned 18 thankfully.
I remember as a kid I would draw pictures of me pushing my evil brothers off a cliff or them dying in different ways. I one time found it in old boxes and shredded it to pieces as my mom looked at confused and said "why did you rip your childhood drawing?" . Then I remembered that my mom suffers from cptsd(she is still in denial about it) from HER own parents and siblings abusing her. So it's generational trauma. And of course she had to marry an abuser and have 6 fucken kids with that pos while both of them were mentally and financially unstable and broke.
I finally admitted to my mom what happened(just not the SA part) about 2 months ago and SHE was the one who started crying while saying "I thought he(my evil brothers) was just playing around". I told her what my younger brother did to my little sister. And what my older brother did to me(I left out the SA part). I didn't wanna cause her anymore stress since she has heart problems and is getting old so I dropped it and changed the topic.
It didn't help that my dad barely was at home when I was a kid. And sometimes my mom would take a break and go with him to work for a couple days or sometimes a week to support him. and that's when ALL hell would break loose and my evil brothers would see it as a sign to do whatever the fuck they wanted. My oldest 2 siblings(the nice ones) didn't notice and probably didn't care as they had their own shit to deal with. I did the best I could to protect and shield my little sister. And then my evil brothers would pretend like nothing happened when parents returned. When I told them that my brothers were bullying me and my sister my parents said "we'll talk to them". They talked to them which solved absolutely FUCKEN Nothing. So I stopped trying and just protected my sister the best I could.
I started to hate all autistic people at one point because everytime my autistic older brother would abuse me my parents would say "he can't help it he's autistic, just ignore him" . Then I realized that not all autistic people are horrible when I met a couple of nice ones. And that being autistic doesn't give someone the right to abuse people. Nothing does.
But I'm still kinda scared of them, well not scared but nervous when i find out someone im talking to is autistic?? Cause I start remembering my childhood.
I remember wanting to get therapy when I was 14 because I was depressed and suicidal and doing SH which my mom found out because my oldest sibling snitched. Then my mom finally agreed and says "just don't tell what dad did to you". I had to agree but then I was late to the therapy appointment and I never asked for a reschedule because i found it pointless if I can't talk about the main cause of my trauma. The worst part was my mother called my SH scars "scratches" and then after I was trying to heal she would sometimes ask "do you still scratch yourself?" . It just made me want to do SH again. But thankfully I'm now around 6+ years clean.
I had my first and last attempt at 16 in the bathtub. Never did it again. Now I can't handle taking baths so I only shower tho.
I only stopped and survived because i suddenly thought about who would protect my little sister of I'm not there? My parents sure as hell wouldn't. Nobody noticed as I cleaned up the evidence and went to eat dinner like nothing happened.
I was basically forced to become a mother figure for my little sister. She now goes to me for any questions instead of my mom. My sister also admitted that she sees me as a mother figure more than our mom. I remember having to comfort her many times. While my mom did nothing. I tried to support my sister the best I could. After having like 6 kids you would think that my mom would've learned how to comfort her own kids better. But It's honestly so exhausting being a parent figure because overtime my sister will grow too dependent on me. But I'm teaching my sister everything I've learned that my parents failed to teach me like hygiene, brushing teeth everyday, building healthy habits, how to have a better self esteem, etc). I had to explain to my sister everything about puberty because my mom was too embarrassed despite having 6 kids. Also I remember suffering from heavy flow and not being allowed to use a tampon which would've been better because my mom believed that using a tampon is a sin. When my sister wanted to try a tampon I explained to her and got her her first tampons despite my mom disagreeing.
These days I'm using tampons only, I hate pads because I'm a bigger woman and pads just always caused me to leak my period blood even the night ones. At least I never experienced period cramps thankfully. My period is lighter these days but I still prefer tampon cause they're more comfortable.
However my 3 older siblings started to drink heavily the moment they turned 21 which followed by hearing loud Vomiting and the smell of puke in the bathroom the next morning almost daily they stopped drinking as hard later on but the sounds and memories still Haunt me. I can't even handle smelling alcohol or smelling it on someone's breath without feeling nausea and wanting to gag. When I hear or see someone Vomiting due to drinking alcohol I freeze and can't move.
The most intense drinking sessions they had was when i was still a teenager so that added another trauma to my pile. I'm glad I'm allergic/intolerant to that shit because i have an addictive personality. Never understood how can someone drink something so foul smelling. Why would anyone want to get used to it? I'm an adult now and still don't understand. It causes more problems and will never fix any. I don't judge people drinking lightly from time to time to get a small buzz but anything more is irresponsible and pointless.
I also have a permanent speech impediment that won't go away or improve. And I don't know if my cptsd made me have a speech impediment Or did I always have it. I don't honestly know what mental issues i have anymore.
Also I almost drowned in the ocean once because I was playing on a beach and underestimated how strong the waves were. I started getting carried away and couldn't swim properly so I panic. Thankfully my older sister didn't fall asleep and saw me and pulled me out before I got too far. Now I can't get into the water if I can't see the bottom. I'm also claustrophobic so I only swim in clear swimming pools. I can't swim in deep ones though no matter how well I can see the bottom. If my feet can't touch the bottom I panic and get out.
I'm terrified of tight spaces, idk why though.
Oh yeah and my friend sent me a gore video once because I told her I liked horror movies and she for some reason assumed I would love gore like her. I pretended I liked it because i was a lot worse people pleaser back then. We started talk about gore and send eachother videos. I pretended to love it just as much as she did cause she was My first and only Friend. It didn't really hit me until I stopped being friends with her that I realized how fucked up those videos were. I now can't watch 98% of horror movies.
So that's all the trauma I experienced(or could remember) so far. I wanna get My own place and live nearby so that my sister can come over whenever she wants too in case she gets stressed out living at home with parents, or I can pick her up. But unfortunately getting a job is nearly impossible for me because of My disabilities.
I sometimes think that my trauma isn't that bad when I saw someone comment how their sibling would chase them with a knife with the intent to kill them. Or how some parents would take away their kids door or a whole bed as punishment. However everyone has different levels of trauma. Trauma is still trauma.
2024.03.31 22:13 angelxbrielle I graduated from West Ridge Academy a few years ago, AMA
I see WRA described as one of the more notorious TTI programs, but I don’t see many survivors sharing their story, which is understandable. I would like to share some of mine.
For the longest time I didn’t want to revisit those experiences, but watching ‘The Program’ on Netflix made me realize how important it is to speak up about these disgusting “schools”.
I was at WRA for 2 years. I feel like I could fill a book with all my experiences, but some highlights were:
Effectively being starved of nutrition for a year because I was vegetarian. If the meal contained meat (most of them did) the kitchen staff would laugh in my face and say, “I guess you’re not eating today.” If I said anything I was called entitled, picky, etc.
I have endometriosis, which means my periods can be excruciatingly painful. I was prescribed birth control pills very young because they helped me. Certain WRA staff refused to give me my birth control if they were doing meds that day, which completely disrupted my cycle. They would outright tell me I didn’t need them or slut-shame me for wanting to take them. Then there were other staff that would pull out my birth control pack that I was a week behind on and tell me if I didn’t start taking them I was refusing meds (that was a big no-no there). I doubled up on pills to try to catch up. At one point I was bleeding for a month straight and every time I looked at my pads/tampons they were BLACK. It was so fucking scary.
I wonder if them playing whack-a-mole with my hormones for 2 years is the reason my endometriosis advanced so quickly. By 21 I was basically disabled by daily pain and now have to be in chemical menopause to function normally. I’m hoping to get my surgery soon because the meds I take now can destroy your liver and give you osteoporosis :)
I was also put in solitary confinement for a month? (I can’t remember how long it was) because I spoke up about my negative experiences during group. Other girls began to speak up as well. We were expressing our emotions in a therapy group. So many girls were crying and asking for help. WRA’s response was to line us up, lock us in a classroom, and refuse us food until everyone was silent. Anyone who continued to speak up was put in a restraint.
Afterwards I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone, go to school, or even leave my room. They also watched me shower and use the bathroom.
It was conditional that I start taking heavy medication in order to leave solitary. I refused for the longest time but eventually I felt like I had no other choice. I was prescribed 300mg of Seroquel XR which caused me to fall asleep at least a dozen times a day. There’s like an entire year of my life I can barely remember. And honestly I’m grateful for that.
I was 16 years old and not only was I being abused and treated like a prisoner, my physical development was permanently altered by blatant medical malpractice.
I saw a lot of terrible things, but I think the worst thing was watching my roommate with Type 1 diabetes nearly die on a weekly basis because staff were too fucking incompetent (or worse) to refill her medical supplies. Either they would “lose” her insulin (sometimes I wonder if they were stealing it and selling it - shit’s expensive) or they would run out of things like needles, testing strips, etc. She was called “dramatic” and received consequences if she showed any emotion about it. At one point she yelled at a staff who “accidentally” took the insulin home and was refusing to bring it back until the next day. As a result she lost TWO levels. There were 4 levels total - she was dropped from 3 all the way back to 1. I had never seen that happen before.
Imagine being put in a LIFE-THREATENING situation and then on top of it being punished because you dared be upset.
Part of her program was “earning” back her insulin pump. It was literally written in her treatment plan that she had to EARN access to life-saving medical treatment. It took her being admitted to the ER in a diabetic coma for her family to finally take her home.
West Ridge Academy is a horrible fucking place. Feel free to ask me anything about it.
submitted by angelxbrielle to troubledteens [link] [comments]
For the longest time I didn’t want to revisit those experiences, but watching ‘The Program’ on Netflix made me realize how important it is to speak up about these disgusting “schools”.
I was at WRA for 2 years. I feel like I could fill a book with all my experiences, but some highlights were:
Effectively being starved of nutrition for a year because I was vegetarian. If the meal contained meat (most of them did) the kitchen staff would laugh in my face and say, “I guess you’re not eating today.” If I said anything I was called entitled, picky, etc.
I have endometriosis, which means my periods can be excruciatingly painful. I was prescribed birth control pills very young because they helped me. Certain WRA staff refused to give me my birth control if they were doing meds that day, which completely disrupted my cycle. They would outright tell me I didn’t need them or slut-shame me for wanting to take them. Then there were other staff that would pull out my birth control pack that I was a week behind on and tell me if I didn’t start taking them I was refusing meds (that was a big no-no there). I doubled up on pills to try to catch up. At one point I was bleeding for a month straight and every time I looked at my pads/tampons they were BLACK. It was so fucking scary.
I wonder if them playing whack-a-mole with my hormones for 2 years is the reason my endometriosis advanced so quickly. By 21 I was basically disabled by daily pain and now have to be in chemical menopause to function normally. I’m hoping to get my surgery soon because the meds I take now can destroy your liver and give you osteoporosis :)
I was also put in solitary confinement for a month? (I can’t remember how long it was) because I spoke up about my negative experiences during group. Other girls began to speak up as well. We were expressing our emotions in a therapy group. So many girls were crying and asking for help. WRA’s response was to line us up, lock us in a classroom, and refuse us food until everyone was silent. Anyone who continued to speak up was put in a restraint.
Afterwards I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone, go to school, or even leave my room. They also watched me shower and use the bathroom.
It was conditional that I start taking heavy medication in order to leave solitary. I refused for the longest time but eventually I felt like I had no other choice. I was prescribed 300mg of Seroquel XR which caused me to fall asleep at least a dozen times a day. There’s like an entire year of my life I can barely remember. And honestly I’m grateful for that.
I was 16 years old and not only was I being abused and treated like a prisoner, my physical development was permanently altered by blatant medical malpractice.
I saw a lot of terrible things, but I think the worst thing was watching my roommate with Type 1 diabetes nearly die on a weekly basis because staff were too fucking incompetent (or worse) to refill her medical supplies. Either they would “lose” her insulin (sometimes I wonder if they were stealing it and selling it - shit’s expensive) or they would run out of things like needles, testing strips, etc. She was called “dramatic” and received consequences if she showed any emotion about it. At one point she yelled at a staff who “accidentally” took the insulin home and was refusing to bring it back until the next day. As a result she lost TWO levels. There were 4 levels total - she was dropped from 3 all the way back to 1. I had never seen that happen before.
Imagine being put in a LIFE-THREATENING situation and then on top of it being punished because you dared be upset.
Part of her program was “earning” back her insulin pump. It was literally written in her treatment plan that she had to EARN access to life-saving medical treatment. It took her being admitted to the ER in a diabetic coma for her family to finally take her home.
West Ridge Academy is a horrible fucking place. Feel free to ask me anything about it.
2024.03.24 04:07 kekitskino /tv/ watches Furiosa: Tampon Road
submitted by kekitskino to 4chan [link] [comments]
2024.03.10 14:32 Klh970 My experience with SA at 6 weeks
Hi everyone. I wanted to share my experience with my SA at 6 weeks and 2 days. I was terrified and I would love to be able to possibly help someone else.
To start, I am 33, and I have two young children 3 & 4 years old, and this is my 2nd abortion. The first time I used the pills at 5 weeks and that was about three years ago. I did not have a good experience with the pills, at all, simply because of the amount of blood and tissue and what I saw. I’ve given birth twice naturally so you’d think that I’d be cool with it? Nope 🤣 just wasn’t and every period since I’ve convinced myself god will punish me and I’m going to bleed too much, etc, I have been in therapy. So go to find out I was pregnant again,.. devastating. Especially because I know I’m done having kids but my oldest is about to be 5 next week so those feelings of well maybe.. we’re so real. But I had a moment, of watching my two boys play and just knowing that this is it for me. I’m happy and I have them and that’s enough. So I called and scheduled my phone interview at PP and subsequently my appointment a week later.
So as a walkthrough of the day, my best friend went with me because my boyfriend doesn’t have any bedside manner and was also at work so being I was so upset I needed someone more thoughtful, and my mom wasn’t available 🤣 but she knew. My appointment was at 8, I got to PP around 8:05. About 6 old men outside with signs and the kind, wonderful people at PP walked us in with umbrellas. I get in and they check me in, I pay, (that was one of the worst parts 🤣) and I wait. I go back have an ultrasound, they ask if I’d like to see it, if I want to know if it’s multiples, I said no. She sees the pregnancy in my uterus and tells me I am eligible for SA. She sends me back to the waiting room and another wonderful human gets me and takes me back, she asks me questions about my health history, pricks my finger to see if I am RH negative and to check my iron level. All good, to the recovery room I go for pre medication and to hang out until it’s my turn. I take one antibiotic and one 800 mg ibuprofen and I wait. (Also like To add the girls in this room were my favorite humans and I loved them SO MUCH) everyone’s in reclining chairs and they have these huge heating pads, snacks, candy, and drinks. They take my blood pressure, I wait a little more. I chat with a girl much younger than I that seems incredibly nervous and sad (I was too but my sweet friend was visually upset and I felt horrible so I tried to help her a little bit) two girls come and go while I’m waiting, I get called to to talk to the doctor and ask her every question I can think of to ease my mind and for her to go over the consent stuff again and then it’s my turn!
I go back to the room, undress from the waist down, wait for the doctor and nurse to come in. The nurse helps the doctor but also stands by me to hold my hand. The doctor inserts the speculum, sprays a cold numbing spray, and then gives me the lidocaine shots. They said there might be ringing in my ears, or a metallic taste in my mouth, I didn’t have either of those. It was just a very pinchy feeling, not the worst. She then inserts the dilator rods and I am now ready to go. I believe I had a manual vacuum aspiration because there was no humming of the machine. This was the hardest but quickest part. So, she finishes, leaves the room and comes back and tells me she didn’t see enough of what she would like to as far as tissue goes, she’d like to try again. Ok. So all of those steps again, she leaves again, comes back, same thing. She’d like to do an ultrasound. OK. She does the ultrasound and sees tissue, she’d like to try a THIRD TIME. This time was the most painful but with a hand to hold and deep breaths I was able to get through it. Not going to lie, this time sucked. A lot. But the first and even second time wasn’t nearly as bad as I made it out to be in my head beforehand. She finishes, gives me another ultrasound… still there. She sends me home with 4 misoprostol to take over the weekend to expel the rest and tells me I have to come back in a week for a follow up ultrasound. I go to recovery my cramping at this point is about an 8, I hang out for half an hour, they take my blood pressure twice, check my pad which barely had anything on it, and send me home. I was incredibly crampy, I relied on heating pads and ibuprofen all day, but I survived, and I went back to work around 3 pm. I had been having crazy morning sickness so I hadn’t eaten in like 2 weeks, so I tried to eat a little but I didn’t really feel like it so I got a smoothie instead. The rest of the night is ok, laid on the couch with my heating pad, was able to eat a taco and some Mexican street corn! Took 800 mg of ibuprofen, and went to bed.
Next day, Saturday, cramps are better but my body hurts from tensing up- I’m only having brown tiny clots and discharge. I started using tampons or nothing at this point because it was really nothing. I decided to take the pills Sunday morning. I took ibuprofen at 11, inserted them around 11:30, and laid on the couch for the foreseeable future with my heating pad. My cramping got really bad this day. Probably an 8. I wasn’t bleeding at all. Just brown, if anything, and I was going to the bathroom a lot. (Miso can give you gas and intestinal distress) so I was cramping on top of having gas pains. My brown discharge picked up a bit at one point but that was it. All that pain for nothing?!?! I was so mad.
Side note I called the PP on call 4 times over the weekend. They were patient, kind, and wonderful. Explained everything to me. She said my pregnancy was gone and this was simply pre cautionary to try to get rid of the tissue but that my body would likely do it on its own. Ok, cool.
Monday rolls around, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Nothing to write home about. Thursday my brown became a reddish brown and I thought oh good! And then it stopped. Phew, ok.
Friday my boyfriend takes me to PP for my scan. There are NINE protestors 😒 get a job. Anyway, I got in, wait a little. They call me back ask me how my bleeding and pain has been and then take me for an ultrasound. The best part was the tech looked like my best friends mom which was so comforting to me because as you will find out in this story, I needed all the comfort I could get. She put the wand to my belly and I don’t even think she realized she said it out loud “no way!” I immediately knew the tissue was. Still. There. 😫🤦🏻♀️ she said the computer wasn’t working she had to print the photos and go show the doctor. She sends me to the waiting room and I wait. The manager of planned parenthood comes to get me and takes me in a room. My options were 4 miso pills again, I immediately declined. 2 miso pills now and another SA, now, or another SA, now. Or I could wait and see. I am too hypochondriac to wait and see so I said let’s do it now. I was ready, I knew what to expect. I texted my mom and boyfriend who was in the waiting room and said I’ll be out when I’m done. I was so ready. I went to recovery (again) I took an antibiotic and an ibuprofen. No one else was waiting so I got called to go. Undress waist down, they told me they would have ultrasound guidance while doing it this time so they could try to see where it was instead of blindly going at it. Ok great! Doctor comes in and exclaims IM DETERMINED! WE ARE GOING TO GET IT! Speculum, spray, shots, this time I get the ringing in my ears it was so weird but went away quickly. Dilator rods, ready to go. This time she used the machine. It was loud, added another meh layer to an already meh situation. Ultrasound tech has wand pushing on my belly and a lot on my public bone which was pretty painful in some spots and it’s still a bit tender today (Sunday, this happened Friday). Doctor is guiding her and there’s another nurse I wish would’ve held my hand but was trying to run the show a bit 🤣 so I just squeezed my shirt and took deep breaths. She finishes, takes everything out, gives me a transvaginal ultrasound. I could see the look of disappointment.. ITS STILL THERE!!! She wants to try AGAIN. This is now my 5th procedure in a week with the same doctor. I know she felt so bad. My uterus is retroverted AND retroflexed so not only does it tilt to the back but it also curves. I told my mom she grew me so it was her fault 🤣 so here we go. One more time. she expands the speculum a little more this time, to try and help ultrasound tech. And here we go. Over in a few seconds, I feel blood leak down my butt, whatever to be expected, she finishes. One more transvaginal. I see their faces instantly change to joy. They got most of it and I’m done. HOORAY! My bleeding is a little heavier than last time but I kept telling myself GOOD. It’s just one more step to being DONE with all of this craziness. I tell the doctor I love her so much, the nurse, the ultrasound tech, and I can’t wait to never see them again! They told me I’m a champ for hanging in there all these times and hugged me.
I go to recovery, my pain is at a ZERO. I think because I was more relaxed and knew what to expect. They don’t make me stay long because of that. But I got to see my favorite nurse from recovery who took such good care of me the first time when I actually was in pain etc. so I was happy about that and being able to say thank you again. She takes my blood pressure once, checks my pad which had 2 drops of blood, and takes me back to the waiting room to get my boyfriend. I asked them if they wanted to see a dead body because the man in the waiting room wating for me was going to be DONE when I got there after this 🤣 I thanked everyone for everything and being so supportive and kind and I got in the car and went home. Completely relieved. I went back to work, pretty much no bleeding and zero cramping. My boobs weren’t hurting, finally! Saturday my body hurt from what tensing I DID have, but no bleeding, no cramping. Amazing. And I haven’t gagged once!! Woohoo!
So that is my story. If I can get through that.. I promise you can get through it too. It really wasn’t that bad until it was repeatedly 🤣❤️ love to you all!!
submitted by Klh970 to abortion [link] [comments]
To start, I am 33, and I have two young children 3 & 4 years old, and this is my 2nd abortion. The first time I used the pills at 5 weeks and that was about three years ago. I did not have a good experience with the pills, at all, simply because of the amount of blood and tissue and what I saw. I’ve given birth twice naturally so you’d think that I’d be cool with it? Nope 🤣 just wasn’t and every period since I’ve convinced myself god will punish me and I’m going to bleed too much, etc, I have been in therapy. So go to find out I was pregnant again,.. devastating. Especially because I know I’m done having kids but my oldest is about to be 5 next week so those feelings of well maybe.. we’re so real. But I had a moment, of watching my two boys play and just knowing that this is it for me. I’m happy and I have them and that’s enough. So I called and scheduled my phone interview at PP and subsequently my appointment a week later.
So as a walkthrough of the day, my best friend went with me because my boyfriend doesn’t have any bedside manner and was also at work so being I was so upset I needed someone more thoughtful, and my mom wasn’t available 🤣 but she knew. My appointment was at 8, I got to PP around 8:05. About 6 old men outside with signs and the kind, wonderful people at PP walked us in with umbrellas. I get in and they check me in, I pay, (that was one of the worst parts 🤣) and I wait. I go back have an ultrasound, they ask if I’d like to see it, if I want to know if it’s multiples, I said no. She sees the pregnancy in my uterus and tells me I am eligible for SA. She sends me back to the waiting room and another wonderful human gets me and takes me back, she asks me questions about my health history, pricks my finger to see if I am RH negative and to check my iron level. All good, to the recovery room I go for pre medication and to hang out until it’s my turn. I take one antibiotic and one 800 mg ibuprofen and I wait. (Also like To add the girls in this room were my favorite humans and I loved them SO MUCH) everyone’s in reclining chairs and they have these huge heating pads, snacks, candy, and drinks. They take my blood pressure, I wait a little more. I chat with a girl much younger than I that seems incredibly nervous and sad (I was too but my sweet friend was visually upset and I felt horrible so I tried to help her a little bit) two girls come and go while I’m waiting, I get called to to talk to the doctor and ask her every question I can think of to ease my mind and for her to go over the consent stuff again and then it’s my turn!
I go back to the room, undress from the waist down, wait for the doctor and nurse to come in. The nurse helps the doctor but also stands by me to hold my hand. The doctor inserts the speculum, sprays a cold numbing spray, and then gives me the lidocaine shots. They said there might be ringing in my ears, or a metallic taste in my mouth, I didn’t have either of those. It was just a very pinchy feeling, not the worst. She then inserts the dilator rods and I am now ready to go. I believe I had a manual vacuum aspiration because there was no humming of the machine. This was the hardest but quickest part. So, she finishes, leaves the room and comes back and tells me she didn’t see enough of what she would like to as far as tissue goes, she’d like to try again. Ok. So all of those steps again, she leaves again, comes back, same thing. She’d like to do an ultrasound. OK. She does the ultrasound and sees tissue, she’d like to try a THIRD TIME. This time was the most painful but with a hand to hold and deep breaths I was able to get through it. Not going to lie, this time sucked. A lot. But the first and even second time wasn’t nearly as bad as I made it out to be in my head beforehand. She finishes, gives me another ultrasound… still there. She sends me home with 4 misoprostol to take over the weekend to expel the rest and tells me I have to come back in a week for a follow up ultrasound. I go to recovery my cramping at this point is about an 8, I hang out for half an hour, they take my blood pressure twice, check my pad which barely had anything on it, and send me home. I was incredibly crampy, I relied on heating pads and ibuprofen all day, but I survived, and I went back to work around 3 pm. I had been having crazy morning sickness so I hadn’t eaten in like 2 weeks, so I tried to eat a little but I didn’t really feel like it so I got a smoothie instead. The rest of the night is ok, laid on the couch with my heating pad, was able to eat a taco and some Mexican street corn! Took 800 mg of ibuprofen, and went to bed.
Next day, Saturday, cramps are better but my body hurts from tensing up- I’m only having brown tiny clots and discharge. I started using tampons or nothing at this point because it was really nothing. I decided to take the pills Sunday morning. I took ibuprofen at 11, inserted them around 11:30, and laid on the couch for the foreseeable future with my heating pad. My cramping got really bad this day. Probably an 8. I wasn’t bleeding at all. Just brown, if anything, and I was going to the bathroom a lot. (Miso can give you gas and intestinal distress) so I was cramping on top of having gas pains. My brown discharge picked up a bit at one point but that was it. All that pain for nothing?!?! I was so mad.
Side note I called the PP on call 4 times over the weekend. They were patient, kind, and wonderful. Explained everything to me. She said my pregnancy was gone and this was simply pre cautionary to try to get rid of the tissue but that my body would likely do it on its own. Ok, cool.
Monday rolls around, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Nothing to write home about. Thursday my brown became a reddish brown and I thought oh good! And then it stopped. Phew, ok.
Friday my boyfriend takes me to PP for my scan. There are NINE protestors 😒 get a job. Anyway, I got in, wait a little. They call me back ask me how my bleeding and pain has been and then take me for an ultrasound. The best part was the tech looked like my best friends mom which was so comforting to me because as you will find out in this story, I needed all the comfort I could get. She put the wand to my belly and I don’t even think she realized she said it out loud “no way!” I immediately knew the tissue was. Still. There. 😫🤦🏻♀️ she said the computer wasn’t working she had to print the photos and go show the doctor. She sends me to the waiting room and I wait. The manager of planned parenthood comes to get me and takes me in a room. My options were 4 miso pills again, I immediately declined. 2 miso pills now and another SA, now, or another SA, now. Or I could wait and see. I am too hypochondriac to wait and see so I said let’s do it now. I was ready, I knew what to expect. I texted my mom and boyfriend who was in the waiting room and said I’ll be out when I’m done. I was so ready. I went to recovery (again) I took an antibiotic and an ibuprofen. No one else was waiting so I got called to go. Undress waist down, they told me they would have ultrasound guidance while doing it this time so they could try to see where it was instead of blindly going at it. Ok great! Doctor comes in and exclaims IM DETERMINED! WE ARE GOING TO GET IT! Speculum, spray, shots, this time I get the ringing in my ears it was so weird but went away quickly. Dilator rods, ready to go. This time she used the machine. It was loud, added another meh layer to an already meh situation. Ultrasound tech has wand pushing on my belly and a lot on my public bone which was pretty painful in some spots and it’s still a bit tender today (Sunday, this happened Friday). Doctor is guiding her and there’s another nurse I wish would’ve held my hand but was trying to run the show a bit 🤣 so I just squeezed my shirt and took deep breaths. She finishes, takes everything out, gives me a transvaginal ultrasound. I could see the look of disappointment.. ITS STILL THERE!!! She wants to try AGAIN. This is now my 5th procedure in a week with the same doctor. I know she felt so bad. My uterus is retroverted AND retroflexed so not only does it tilt to the back but it also curves. I told my mom she grew me so it was her fault 🤣 so here we go. One more time. she expands the speculum a little more this time, to try and help ultrasound tech. And here we go. Over in a few seconds, I feel blood leak down my butt, whatever to be expected, she finishes. One more transvaginal. I see their faces instantly change to joy. They got most of it and I’m done. HOORAY! My bleeding is a little heavier than last time but I kept telling myself GOOD. It’s just one more step to being DONE with all of this craziness. I tell the doctor I love her so much, the nurse, the ultrasound tech, and I can’t wait to never see them again! They told me I’m a champ for hanging in there all these times and hugged me.
I go to recovery, my pain is at a ZERO. I think because I was more relaxed and knew what to expect. They don’t make me stay long because of that. But I got to see my favorite nurse from recovery who took such good care of me the first time when I actually was in pain etc. so I was happy about that and being able to say thank you again. She takes my blood pressure once, checks my pad which had 2 drops of blood, and takes me back to the waiting room to get my boyfriend. I asked them if they wanted to see a dead body because the man in the waiting room wating for me was going to be DONE when I got there after this 🤣 I thanked everyone for everything and being so supportive and kind and I got in the car and went home. Completely relieved. I went back to work, pretty much no bleeding and zero cramping. My boobs weren’t hurting, finally! Saturday my body hurt from what tensing I DID have, but no bleeding, no cramping. Amazing. And I haven’t gagged once!! Woohoo!
So that is my story. If I can get through that.. I promise you can get through it too. It really wasn’t that bad until it was repeatedly 🤣❤️ love to you all!!
2024.03.05 04:08 worryabouttoday ODD Step daughter - help
We are at the end of our rope with my 16SD. She's been diagnosed ADD, PTSD & ODD. I've been in her life for 8 years. She's always had issues with anger & control but it's escalated to me being afraid to be in my own home.
Some backstory - she has a difficult relationship with bio mom. She wants a good relationship desperately, but her mom acts more like a peer. Her mom has a long time boyfriend & they have a son together. They will not allow her in their home bc she's threatened to call CYS on them if she doesn't get anything she wants
SD has serious issues with control. She wants what she wants when she wants it, if she doesn't get it, someone will pay. She is manipulative & smart. A few years back she began stealing regularly (not from stores but from family). Anything you want has to be locked up & even then it's not safe. Gift cards, cash, credit cards, and everything from candy, makeup, hair products to expensive items like air pods, vapes, basically anything she decides she wants.
We've tried every therapy - family based, in home, psychiatrist, MST - anytime anyone says anything she doesn't like, she swears at them, storms off & will not participate. She has been in short term treatment & even almost a year at an RTF. Which basically just taught her laws & loopholes for more manipulating. She knows not to say she wants to harm herself, even tho she cuts. She hides where she cuts. She knows what to say or not say to get out of mental health evals. Her psychiatrist recommended her to a treatment facility & she fired her. (Age of 14 in our state gives right over her mental health treatment.)
She has been on every different kind of medicine. If she thinks we think they're helping & she's mad, she'll stop taking them. We've seen improvement on some but she will stop taking them consistently or say she has a bad side effect. There's always an excuse for everything & it's never her fault.
She's starting to get more violent. She's been expelled from school & now goes to an alternative program. She's pushing things to see if she gets in trouble. Her father & I also have a 4 year old son that lives in the home. Her fits are beginning to effect him. Her father works many nights so I'm left as the main caregiver. Now she's getting combative & throwing things at me when I say no & remain calm. I'm concerned for her going after my son if she can't get me to react.
We've contacted every authority & service we can think of. Police, EMS, crisis, CYS, the public school psychologist, blended case manger, current MST therapist... No one can help. There's nothing we can do to have her under control or removed from the home. I pushed her back from myself when she was hitting me & they asked her if she wanted to press charges. She's filed false claims on us 3 times to CYS saying we were denying her food & the restroom. She has her own bathroom & got in trouble at school for giving out food & snacks to students during class.
We've tried taking her phone, Wi-Fi, TV, limiting access to luxuries, she spends more time trying to find a way around the punishment than just correcting the issue.
Now that she's hitting & throwing objects at me, I've called the police. They do nothing because she turns off the light switch like nothing is wrong & I'm crazy. She lives in my house & it's a prison. We have to walk around with keys because everything is locked or she steals. We have 2 safes & need more. Our son had 2 piggy banks & she emptied them.
She's stolen close to $1000 from us in the last 3 months. Not to mention she destroys the room she lives in - trash everywhere, stains on the floor, used tampons thrown, it's beyond disgusting.
What can we do? Anyone with any ideas we haven't tried? Anything in the law of the US we can look into? She wants to be emancipated but they're telling us she can't prove she can live in her own. She's lost a job for hitting a coworker. We're suffering & our son is going to be affected. We just want any way to get her help & all be safe.
submitted by worryabouttoday to ODDSupport [link] [comments]
Some backstory - she has a difficult relationship with bio mom. She wants a good relationship desperately, but her mom acts more like a peer. Her mom has a long time boyfriend & they have a son together. They will not allow her in their home bc she's threatened to call CYS on them if she doesn't get anything she wants
SD has serious issues with control. She wants what she wants when she wants it, if she doesn't get it, someone will pay. She is manipulative & smart. A few years back she began stealing regularly (not from stores but from family). Anything you want has to be locked up & even then it's not safe. Gift cards, cash, credit cards, and everything from candy, makeup, hair products to expensive items like air pods, vapes, basically anything she decides she wants.
We've tried every therapy - family based, in home, psychiatrist, MST - anytime anyone says anything she doesn't like, she swears at them, storms off & will not participate. She has been in short term treatment & even almost a year at an RTF. Which basically just taught her laws & loopholes for more manipulating. She knows not to say she wants to harm herself, even tho she cuts. She hides where she cuts. She knows what to say or not say to get out of mental health evals. Her psychiatrist recommended her to a treatment facility & she fired her. (Age of 14 in our state gives right over her mental health treatment.)
She has been on every different kind of medicine. If she thinks we think they're helping & she's mad, she'll stop taking them. We've seen improvement on some but she will stop taking them consistently or say she has a bad side effect. There's always an excuse for everything & it's never her fault.
She's starting to get more violent. She's been expelled from school & now goes to an alternative program. She's pushing things to see if she gets in trouble. Her father & I also have a 4 year old son that lives in the home. Her fits are beginning to effect him. Her father works many nights so I'm left as the main caregiver. Now she's getting combative & throwing things at me when I say no & remain calm. I'm concerned for her going after my son if she can't get me to react.
We've contacted every authority & service we can think of. Police, EMS, crisis, CYS, the public school psychologist, blended case manger, current MST therapist... No one can help. There's nothing we can do to have her under control or removed from the home. I pushed her back from myself when she was hitting me & they asked her if she wanted to press charges. She's filed false claims on us 3 times to CYS saying we were denying her food & the restroom. She has her own bathroom & got in trouble at school for giving out food & snacks to students during class.
We've tried taking her phone, Wi-Fi, TV, limiting access to luxuries, she spends more time trying to find a way around the punishment than just correcting the issue.
Now that she's hitting & throwing objects at me, I've called the police. They do nothing because she turns off the light switch like nothing is wrong & I'm crazy. She lives in my house & it's a prison. We have to walk around with keys because everything is locked or she steals. We have 2 safes & need more. Our son had 2 piggy banks & she emptied them.
She's stolen close to $1000 from us in the last 3 months. Not to mention she destroys the room she lives in - trash everywhere, stains on the floor, used tampons thrown, it's beyond disgusting.
What can we do? Anyone with any ideas we haven't tried? Anything in the law of the US we can look into? She wants to be emancipated but they're telling us she can't prove she can live in her own. She's lost a job for hitting a coworker. We're suffering & our son is going to be affected. We just want any way to get her help & all be safe.
2024.02.29 01:51 nicfanz AITA: my daughter sleeps/eats on the floor
How can I make things right with a daughter who cut me off 3 years ago?
My daughter hasn’t spoken to me in three years. I will never stop trying.
My daughter and I have never had a great relationship. I had her young at 23 from a one night stand. I’ve struggled a lot with my mental health and I was young and made mistakes with her because of what was going on in my life and marriage.
It took me a while to admit it, but I did not treat her right. But she was so hyper and defiant. Always running around and doing the opposite of what she was told so I became super controlling for a while.
My family claims that I did the wrong thing because of the way I was rude to her in the past.
Because of my extreme fear of messes, I made her sleep on the floor and eat on the floor too so she wouldn’t mess up the bed or dinner table. As I didn’t want to make her bed every morning. (It was a carpet floor with a blanket and pillow so she was fine)
As she got through puberty, she was eating a lot. And it wasn’t fair to the rest of the children in the house. So I’d keep most of the food hidden. A lot of our fights came from her sneaking food and hiding the wrappers everywhere.
As punishment sometimes I’d throw her in a dark hallway or basement and taunt her with little silly childhood fears. Like aliens or ghosts. She cried but she listened after.
Yes I was rude with my words. About her body. Lack of friends. Odd personality. I’d tell her how her father said she’d be a loser , how she has a balloon face, has no friends.
I was struggling and had her help with my other children when they were babies. Feeding. Diaper changes. Bathing. She ended up being really cruel to them because I asked my son to tell me whenever she’d sneak in the room to eat the food.
Yes I was a bit controlling. Limited her shower use to every other day and a few minutes. When she’d be in there too long, I’d turn off the water with soap in her hair still. I’d Let my family get her essentials such as bras , tampons, soap. I’d get mad at her when she used too many of my pads. I Didn’t let her use appliances because I didn’t want her to break anything. She was always so careless and just a mess.
Years later after she turned 18, it was agreed upon that it would be better if she left and she did. I’ve tried contacting her. Sending gifts. Messages. Nothing. She won’t forgive me. She acts like she doesn’t know me. I love her. I can’t explain why I acted like that. It’s all a blur for me.
https://www.reddit.com/NoStupidQuestions/comments/1b2h09m/how_can_i_make_things_right_with_a_daughter_who/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
submitted by nicfanz to AmITheAngel [link] [comments]
My daughter hasn’t spoken to me in three years. I will never stop trying.
My daughter and I have never had a great relationship. I had her young at 23 from a one night stand. I’ve struggled a lot with my mental health and I was young and made mistakes with her because of what was going on in my life and marriage.
It took me a while to admit it, but I did not treat her right. But she was so hyper and defiant. Always running around and doing the opposite of what she was told so I became super controlling for a while.
My family claims that I did the wrong thing because of the way I was rude to her in the past.
Because of my extreme fear of messes, I made her sleep on the floor and eat on the floor too so she wouldn’t mess up the bed or dinner table. As I didn’t want to make her bed every morning. (It was a carpet floor with a blanket and pillow so she was fine)
As she got through puberty, she was eating a lot. And it wasn’t fair to the rest of the children in the house. So I’d keep most of the food hidden. A lot of our fights came from her sneaking food and hiding the wrappers everywhere.
As punishment sometimes I’d throw her in a dark hallway or basement and taunt her with little silly childhood fears. Like aliens or ghosts. She cried but she listened after.
Yes I was rude with my words. About her body. Lack of friends. Odd personality. I’d tell her how her father said she’d be a loser , how she has a balloon face, has no friends.
I was struggling and had her help with my other children when they were babies. Feeding. Diaper changes. Bathing. She ended up being really cruel to them because I asked my son to tell me whenever she’d sneak in the room to eat the food.
Yes I was a bit controlling. Limited her shower use to every other day and a few minutes. When she’d be in there too long, I’d turn off the water with soap in her hair still. I’d Let my family get her essentials such as bras , tampons, soap. I’d get mad at her when she used too many of my pads. I Didn’t let her use appliances because I didn’t want her to break anything. She was always so careless and just a mess.
Years later after she turned 18, it was agreed upon that it would be better if she left and she did. I’ve tried contacting her. Sending gifts. Messages. Nothing. She won’t forgive me. She acts like she doesn’t know me. I love her. I can’t explain why I acted like that. It’s all a blur for me.
https://www.reddit.com/NoStupidQuestions/comments/1b2h09m/how_can_i_make_things_right_with_a_daughter_who/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
2024.02.23 10:03 _AC_Slater_ Anyone else not have a civil relationship with their parents?
As the title says. I'm going to be induced next week due to gestational hypertension and super imposed pre eclampsia 😵💫😣.
I have been no contact with my garbage narcissistic mother for 15 years and very low contact with my father for 1 year. I grew up in an emotionally and mentally abusive house. Extremely authorative, used the Bible as a punishment, "tampons lose your virginity" type of upbringing.
Many of my huge mile stones in my adult life I never shared with them because of the shitty relationship we have. For example, not coming to my BSN graduation, not knowing I'm married, pregnant, moved out of the state. They weren't there for my major heart aches and successes. I have found a new family within friends and they can celebrate with me. I have found these friends and more and have lost some friends along the way, as we all do.
I keep telling myself that I am Soo grateful I won't have my terrible parents there to ruin my baby's day and my day to give birth. I keep telling myself that I have a wonderful support system and will help me during birth and during the new born stage and other baby milestones. I know that logically and even emotionally ill be waaaay better off without them. But....
Part of my heart is sad because I know that for me, family is important. I thought growing up is share some of these milestones in my life with my family. I know that if my family were better I'd want them in my life. It really makes me sad tbh. My spouse is low contact with his family as well. So I don't have a "replacement" so to speak.
For those that have this going on , how are you handling that? Adapting to this dynamic? How are you handling that your families are just a memory and won't be part of your life?
submitted by _AC_Slater_ to BabyBumps [link] [comments]
I have been no contact with my garbage narcissistic mother for 15 years and very low contact with my father for 1 year. I grew up in an emotionally and mentally abusive house. Extremely authorative, used the Bible as a punishment, "tampons lose your virginity" type of upbringing.
Many of my huge mile stones in my adult life I never shared with them because of the shitty relationship we have. For example, not coming to my BSN graduation, not knowing I'm married, pregnant, moved out of the state. They weren't there for my major heart aches and successes. I have found a new family within friends and they can celebrate with me. I have found these friends and more and have lost some friends along the way, as we all do.
I keep telling myself that I am Soo grateful I won't have my terrible parents there to ruin my baby's day and my day to give birth. I keep telling myself that I have a wonderful support system and will help me during birth and during the new born stage and other baby milestones. I know that logically and even emotionally ill be waaaay better off without them. But....
Part of my heart is sad because I know that for me, family is important. I thought growing up is share some of these milestones in my life with my family. I know that if my family were better I'd want them in my life. It really makes me sad tbh. My spouse is low contact with his family as well. So I don't have a "replacement" so to speak.
For those that have this going on , how are you handling that? Adapting to this dynamic? How are you handling that your families are just a memory and won't be part of your life?
2024.02.10 00:41 silent_inner_scream When "I wasn't abused enough" self-talk eats your sleep away
I am an adult, living abroad from my family. Due to this fact, I call my parents every week on Sunday. But lately, it became a chore. It feels like it never was something I was looking for, sometimes even I was avoiding it as much as I could. What wasn't hard, as they never call first. And I think it hit me today.
I don't feel anything to them. I don't feel hate, I don't feel love.
What makes me feel like I'm a monster? There aren't a malignant beasts who feasted on my pain. It was this kind of neglect that I didn't have a penny to my name either. No, it all was much more muted.
They weren't cruel, but he still used physical punishments. They tried their best, but she overshared all the things that a child shouldn't hear. They were trying to give me all what I needed, but I had to buy tampons in secret. They wanted to give me all knowledge I needed, but I still have scars as no one told me I have to use foam while shaving.
I know the reason why it happened. They weren't emotionally mature to have children and followed suit many parental mistakes that prevailed in my family. And tbh, it makes it even hard to say that I don't feel comfortable calling them my parents. I'm more mature than them and I wish I wasn't. I tried to give them a chance, give them feedback. But lately, it got only worse. I think that it's too late now for any meaningful change.
I think I will skip calling them on Sunday. At least this week. I'll have to think about an excuse but it's a problem for a future me.
submitted by silent_inner_scream to CPTSD [link] [comments]
I don't feel anything to them. I don't feel hate, I don't feel love.
What makes me feel like I'm a monster? There aren't a malignant beasts who feasted on my pain. It was this kind of neglect that I didn't have a penny to my name either. No, it all was much more muted.
They weren't cruel, but he still used physical punishments. They tried their best, but she overshared all the things that a child shouldn't hear. They were trying to give me all what I needed, but I had to buy tampons in secret. They wanted to give me all knowledge I needed, but I still have scars as no one told me I have to use foam while shaving.
I know the reason why it happened. They weren't emotionally mature to have children and followed suit many parental mistakes that prevailed in my family. And tbh, it makes it even hard to say that I don't feel comfortable calling them my parents. I'm more mature than them and I wish I wasn't. I tried to give them a chance, give them feedback. But lately, it got only worse. I think that it's too late now for any meaningful change.
I think I will skip calling them on Sunday. At least this week. I'll have to think about an excuse but it's a problem for a future me.
2024.02.09 05:44 Available_Gur_1298 Getting Imposter Syndrome Before My Lap
Hi everyone, I feel like this is a pretty common type of post on this subreddit but I could still really use some input from those going through the same thing. I’m getting my first lap in a month and I keep going back and forth between being sure that they’ll find endo and then thinking I’m just making it all up. Sorry for the long post but I’m afraid if I try to abbreviate things I’m going to subconsciously portray my symptoms as more severe than they are. I’m hoping the more details the better in this case. My biggest doubt comes from that fact that I wouldn’t describe my periods as long and heavy. Usually there is a moderate amount of blood the first two days, light the next two, and then it's over. Here's a timeline of my more concerning symptoms: 16 Years Old: I didn’t have a lot of context at the time so I don’t remember how specifically painful my periods were compared to my friends. I just kind of always remember having “bad” periods. When I was sixteen and I was getting out of the shower (while on my period) and I suddenly had severe period cramps. It was so intense I collapsed on the bathroom floor moaning and couldn’t get up. My mom had to break the lock on the door to get to me. My doctor at the time told me this just happens sometimes because periods are painful an prescribed me birth control, which I didn't take for very long. That same year I also passed out once while I was on my period. 24 Years Old: At this point I was well known amongst my friends for having very painful periods. My pain was still in the typical abdominal area. I would get all the normal pms symptoms, (bloating, mood swings, slight constipation) on my period, just slightly more severe than those around me. My cramps were much worse than my friends, though. When I was 24 I developed pretty bad sciatica. There were days where I couldn’t even walk and would have to support all of my weight on makeshift canes to go to the bathroom. I’ve always had back pain from a protruding disk (diagnosed when I was 14) so I just attribute this pain to the disk, not to my period. 26 Years Old: Right at the beginning of 2020 my periods got way, way more severe. This was the point that painkillers no longer worked for me. I remember my period hit me at work (I work in film and tv which means I’m usually on my feet for long 12-16 hour days and often don’t have freedom to go to the bathroom or rest) and I couldn’t stop pacing back and forth through set to try and curb the pain a little. My friend even offered me nicotine patches because nothing else was working. The pandemic started right after that and I didn't work until the end of the year. Because I wasn't working I would spend the first few days of my period in bed in pain, getting up as seldom as possible. Also my pain had spread to new areas. I always know that my period is coming because my right thigh and hip bone will start throbbing. 27-28 Years Old: By spring the of next year I suddenly wasn’t able to wear tampons anymore. It felt like I was burning from the inside when I put them in. I’d been using tampons since high school and this had never been a problem before. I still can’t wear them because they hurt too much. A couple months later penetrative sex became too painful. In fall of that year I got a UTI while I was on a job out of town. I was treated for the UTI but the symptoms never went away. I didn’t have health insurance so I kept going back to planned parenthood, where they diagnosed me with bacterial vaginosis. For anyone who doesn't know anything about BV, they diagnosed me based on having certain markers (burning pain in the vaginal canal and itching) rather than a urine test or anything definitive like that. I thought the diagnosis was weird because when I went to BV message boards the main symptoms everyone complained about were off color discharge and an odor. I didn’t have either. My symptoms got so severe over the next few weeks that I would have to ice my vagina for hours every night when I got home and it got extremely difficult to hold my pee. I felt like my bladder was constant burning from the inside and it burned even worse when I peed. Despite this I kept testing negative for another UTI. I had my period three times in one month while this was going on. The bladder pain and phantom UTI symptoms went on for about 6 months. I went back to planned parenthood so many times that they eventually asked me what I wanted from them because they couldn't find anything wrong with me, and I burst into tears. I had asked them about endo during all of this because of the pain in my leg, and they told me endo didn't work that way. Without health insurance I had to just give up on trying to figure out what was going on for the time. 29-30 Year Old: I signed up for health insurance! At this point my girlfriend had done research into endo and really wanted me to look into it. The pain in my leg during my period was now extending all the way down to my right ankle. Just after I turned 30 (last June) I had a really awful, painful period coupled with intense nausea that didn’t go away after my bleeding ended. I had a horrible week at work from incredibly intense phantom UTI pain. There was a day that I was crying in the fetal position of the bathroom because I felt like a hot poker had been shoved up my vagina after I peed. That weekend I suddenly got very intense diarrhea. I realized while it was happening that I had never felt this desperately ill while having diarrhea before. It was probably the worst pain I had ever felt in my life, and felt strangely like menstrual pain rather than stomach pain. After about twenty minutes of diarrhea I started to pass only blood. There wasn’t any specific pain in my rectum (this is important because they tried to misdiagnose me with a fissure) but I would feel like I needed to poop, then only blood would come out. The blood was dark and thick. This happened probably ten times with a tablespoon to maybe a half cup of blood coming out each time. The entire time I was having the worst abominable cramps of my life coming in waves like contractions. I spent the night in the hospital and was discharged without much help, all the while I was still pooping blood about every ten minutes and still feeling the worst abdominal cramps of my life. I went back to the ER the next day and they once again told me I just had a fissure. I continued to poop blood for a week after that. I didn't pass any actual poop for that week, only blood. And it wasn't dripping out of me like a fissure, I would get a sick feeling in my stomach like I was going to have diarrhea and then push out blood. Sometimes this was happening every twenty minutes. I've had about 7 or 8 periods since this happened and I still bleed from my rectum every single time. It's nowhere near as painful or heavy, but I push out blood on the 2nd and 3rd day, and I am one hundred percent sure it's not just leaking down from my vagina. I've been prescribed birth control four times since I was 16 for this issue. I'm a lesbian so I don't need contraceptives, so this is the only reason I've ever gone on birth control. But each time I have started birth control I get so horribly depressed that the smallest thing will make me question why I was born. I would honestly rather be in horrible pain every month than ever go on birth control again. Up to present day, I went to a rectal surgeon who told me there was no evidence of a fissure from my medical event last June, but I did have some benign hemorrhoids. I went to an OBGYN who is a nurse practitioner who ordered a transvaginal ultra sound and found nothing wrong. After her I went to an OGBYN who is an actual surgeon, and she was quick to agree that this sounds like endo. She offered me several next steps and we decided to go ahead with a lap, even though my ultrasound was clear. My period has gotten so out of hand since I went to the ER that I have to keep a "period pack" with me full of hot water bottles and medication. The current intensity of my period has me in a fetal position shaking until a combo of midol and prescription strength naproxen sets in for the first few days of my cycle. On top of this, my common symptoms are brain fog (literally ten minutes ago I said the phrase ‘grass smacker’ because I couldn’t think of ‘weed wacker’), depression, anxiety, a slow metabolism, mild constipation and diarrhea on my period, occasional digestive issues. I don’t have any family history of endo, but there is a lot of infertility in the women on my dad’s side of the family, specifically my aunts and grandma. My aunts have told me they are just infertile, nothing else, but that whole side of the family belongs to a fundamentalist religion and might not necessarily look into painful periods. For those who don’t know anything about Christianity, periods are supposedly meant to be painful as punishment for Eve eating the apple, so I don’t trust that my aunts would have gone to an OBGYN for pain. They’re also in their 70’s and live in Utah, so I don’t know what their gynecological resources were when they were young. My girlfriend thinks I’m crazy that I have doubts, but after all of the visits at planned parenthood where they just kept finding nothing or misdiagnosing me, I’m very nervous that this might be psychosomatic. I guess I’m wondering from other’s experiences where my symptoms fall in with likely endo, or possibly some other mystery illness. Any input is greatly appreciated.
submitted by Available_Gur_1298 to endometriosis [link] [comments]
2024.02.09 05:42 Available_Gur_1298 Getting Imposter Syndrome Before My Lap
Hi everyone, I feel like this is a pretty common type of post on this subreddit but I could still really use some input from those going through the same thing. I’m getting my first lap in a month and I keep going back and forth between being sure that they’ll find endo and then thinking I’m just making it all up. Sorry for the long post but I’m afraid if I try to abbreviate things I’m going to subconsciously portray my symptoms as more severe than they are. I’m hoping the more details the better in this case. My biggest doubt comes from that fact that I wouldn’t describe my periods as long and heavy. Usually there is a moderate amount of blood the first two days, light the next two, and then it's over.
Here's a timeline of my more concerning symptoms:
16 Years Old: I didn’t have a lot of context at the time so I don’t remember how specifically painful my periods were compared to my friends. I just kind of always remember having “bad” periods. When I was sixteen and I was getting out of the shower (while on my period) and I suddenly had severe period cramps. It was so intense I collapsed on the bathroom floor moaning and couldn’t get up. My mom had to break the lock on the door to get to me. My doctor at the time told me this just happens sometimes because periods are painful an prescribed me birth control, which I didn't take for very long. That same year I also passed out once while I was on my period.
24 Years Old: At this point I was well known amongst my friends for having very painful periods. My pain was still in the typical abdominal area. I would get all the normal pms symptoms, (bloating, mood swings, slight constipation) on my period, just slightly more severe than those around me. My cramps were much worse than my friends, though. When I was 24 I developed pretty bad sciatica. There were days where I couldn’t even walk and would have to support all of my weight on makeshift canes to go to the bathroom. I’ve always had back pain from a protruding disk (diagnosed when I was 14) so I just attribute this pain to the disk, not to my period.
26 Years Old: Right at the beginning of 2020 my periods got way, way more severe. This was the point that painkillers no longer worked for me. I remember my period hit me at work (I work in film and tv which means I’m usually on my feet for long 12-16 hour days and often don’t have freedom to go to the bathroom or rest) and I couldn’t stop pacing back and forth through set to try and curb the pain a little. My friend even offered me nicotine patches because nothing else was working. The pandemic started right after that and I didn't work until the end of the year. Because I wasn't working I would spend the first few days of my period in bed in pain, getting up as seldom as possible. Also my pain had spread to new areas. I always know that my period is coming because my right thigh and hip bone will start throbbing.
27-28 Years Old: By spring the of next year I suddenly wasn’t able to wear tampons anymore. It felt like I was burning from the inside when I put them in. I’d been using tampons since high school and this had never been a problem before. I still can’t wear them because they hurt too much. A couple months later penetrative sex became too painful. In fall of that year I got a UTI while I was on a job out of town. I was treated for the UTI but the symptoms never went away. I didn’t have health insurance so I kept going back to planned parenthood, where they diagnosed me with bacterial vaginosis. For anyone who doesn't know anything about BV, they diagnosed me based on having certain markers (burning pain in the vaginal canal and itching) rather than a urine test or anything definitive like that. I thought the diagnosis was weird because when I went to BV message boards the main symptoms everyone complained about were off color discharge and an odor. I didn’t have either. My symptoms got so severe over the next few weeks that I would have to ice my vagina for hours every night when I got home and it got extremely difficult to hold my pee. I felt like my bladder was constant burning from the inside and it burned even worse when I peed. Despite this I kept testing negative for another UTI. I had my period three times in one month while this was going on. The bladder pain and phantom UTI symptoms went on for about 6 months. I went back to planned parenthood so many times that they eventually asked me what I wanted from them because they couldn't find anything wrong with me, and I burst into tears. I had asked them about endo during all of this because of the pain in my leg, and they told me endo didn't work that way. Without health insurance I had to just give up on trying to figure out what was going on for the time.
29-30 Year Old: I signed up for health insurance! At this point my girlfriend had done research into endo and really wanted me to look into it. The pain in my leg during my period was now extending all the way down to my right ankle. Just after I turned 30 (last June) I had a really awful, painful period coupled with intense nausea that didn’t go away after my bleeding ended. I had a horrible week at work from incredibly intense phantom UTI pain. There was a day that I was crying in the fetal position of the bathroom because I felt like a hot poker had been shoved up my vagina after I peed. That weekend I suddenly got very intense diarrhea. I realized while it was happening that I had never felt this desperately ill while having diarrhea before. It was probably the worst pain I had ever felt in my life, and felt strangely like menstrual pain rather than stomach pain. After about twenty minutes of diarrhea I started to pass only blood. There wasn’t any specific pain in my rectum (this is important because they tried to misdiagnose me with a fissure) but I would feel like I needed to poop, then only blood would come out. The blood was dark and thick. This happened probably ten times with a tablespoon to maybe a half cup of blood coming out each time. The entire time I was having the worst abominable cramps of my life coming in waves like contractions. I spent the night in the hospital and was discharged without much help, all the while I was still pooping blood about every ten minutes and still feeling the worst abdominal cramps of my life. I went back to the ER the next day and they once again told me I just had a fissure. I continued to poop blood for a week after that. I didn't pass any actual poop for that week, only blood. And it wasn't dripping out of me like a fissure, I would get a sick feeling in my stomach like I was going to have diarrhea and then push out blood. Sometimes this was happening every twenty minutes. I've had about 7 or 8 periods since this happened and I still bleed from my rectum every single time. It's nowhere near as painful or heavy, but I push out blood on the 2nd and 3rd day, and I am one hundred percent sure it's not just leaking down from my vagina.
I've been prescribed birth control four times since I was 16 for this issue. I'm a lesbian so I don't need contraceptives, so this is the only reason I've ever gone on birth control. But each time I have started birth control I get so horribly depressed that the smallest thing will make me question why I was born. I would honestly rather be in horrible pain every month than ever go on birth control again.
Up to present day, I went to a rectal surgeon who told me there was no evidence of a fissure from my medical event last June, but I did have some benign hemorrhoids. I went to an OBGYN who is a nurse practitioner who ordered a transvaginal ultra sound and found nothing wrong. After her I went to an OGBYN who is an actual surgeon, and she was quick to agree that this sounds like endo. She offered me several next steps and we decided to go ahead with a lap, even though my ultrasound was clear. My period has gotten so out of hand since I went to the ER that I have to keep a "period pack" with me full of hot water bottles and medication. The current intensity of my period has me in a fetal position shaking until a combo of midol and prescription strength naproxen sets in for the first few days of my cycle.
On top of this, my common symptoms are brain fog (literally ten minutes ago I said the phrase ‘grass smacker’ because I couldn’t think of ‘weed wacker’), depression, anxiety, a slow metabolism, mild constipation and diarrhea on my period, occasional digestive issues. I don’t have any family history of endo, but there is a lot of infertility in the women on my dad’s side of the family, specifically my aunts and grandma. My aunts have told me they are just infertile, nothing else, but that whole side of the family belongs to a fundamentalist religion and might not necessarily look into painful periods. For those who don’t know anything about Christianity, periods are supposedly meant to be painful as punishment for Eve eating the apple, so I don’t trust that my aunts would have gone to an OBGYN for pain. They’re also in their 70’s and live in Utah, so I don’t know what their gynecological resources were when they were young.
My girlfriend thinks I’m crazy that I have doubts, but after all of the visits at planned parenthood where they just kept finding nothing or misdiagnosing me, I’m very nervous that this might be psychosomatic. I guess I’m wondering from other’s experiences where my symptoms fall in with likely endo, or possibly some other mystery illness. Any input is greatly appreciated.
submitted by Available_Gur_1298 to Endo [link] [comments]
Here's a timeline of my more concerning symptoms:
16 Years Old: I didn’t have a lot of context at the time so I don’t remember how specifically painful my periods were compared to my friends. I just kind of always remember having “bad” periods. When I was sixteen and I was getting out of the shower (while on my period) and I suddenly had severe period cramps. It was so intense I collapsed on the bathroom floor moaning and couldn’t get up. My mom had to break the lock on the door to get to me. My doctor at the time told me this just happens sometimes because periods are painful an prescribed me birth control, which I didn't take for very long. That same year I also passed out once while I was on my period.
24 Years Old: At this point I was well known amongst my friends for having very painful periods. My pain was still in the typical abdominal area. I would get all the normal pms symptoms, (bloating, mood swings, slight constipation) on my period, just slightly more severe than those around me. My cramps were much worse than my friends, though. When I was 24 I developed pretty bad sciatica. There were days where I couldn’t even walk and would have to support all of my weight on makeshift canes to go to the bathroom. I’ve always had back pain from a protruding disk (diagnosed when I was 14) so I just attribute this pain to the disk, not to my period.
26 Years Old: Right at the beginning of 2020 my periods got way, way more severe. This was the point that painkillers no longer worked for me. I remember my period hit me at work (I work in film and tv which means I’m usually on my feet for long 12-16 hour days and often don’t have freedom to go to the bathroom or rest) and I couldn’t stop pacing back and forth through set to try and curb the pain a little. My friend even offered me nicotine patches because nothing else was working. The pandemic started right after that and I didn't work until the end of the year. Because I wasn't working I would spend the first few days of my period in bed in pain, getting up as seldom as possible. Also my pain had spread to new areas. I always know that my period is coming because my right thigh and hip bone will start throbbing.
27-28 Years Old: By spring the of next year I suddenly wasn’t able to wear tampons anymore. It felt like I was burning from the inside when I put them in. I’d been using tampons since high school and this had never been a problem before. I still can’t wear them because they hurt too much. A couple months later penetrative sex became too painful. In fall of that year I got a UTI while I was on a job out of town. I was treated for the UTI but the symptoms never went away. I didn’t have health insurance so I kept going back to planned parenthood, where they diagnosed me with bacterial vaginosis. For anyone who doesn't know anything about BV, they diagnosed me based on having certain markers (burning pain in the vaginal canal and itching) rather than a urine test or anything definitive like that. I thought the diagnosis was weird because when I went to BV message boards the main symptoms everyone complained about were off color discharge and an odor. I didn’t have either. My symptoms got so severe over the next few weeks that I would have to ice my vagina for hours every night when I got home and it got extremely difficult to hold my pee. I felt like my bladder was constant burning from the inside and it burned even worse when I peed. Despite this I kept testing negative for another UTI. I had my period three times in one month while this was going on. The bladder pain and phantom UTI symptoms went on for about 6 months. I went back to planned parenthood so many times that they eventually asked me what I wanted from them because they couldn't find anything wrong with me, and I burst into tears. I had asked them about endo during all of this because of the pain in my leg, and they told me endo didn't work that way. Without health insurance I had to just give up on trying to figure out what was going on for the time.
29-30 Year Old: I signed up for health insurance! At this point my girlfriend had done research into endo and really wanted me to look into it. The pain in my leg during my period was now extending all the way down to my right ankle. Just after I turned 30 (last June) I had a really awful, painful period coupled with intense nausea that didn’t go away after my bleeding ended. I had a horrible week at work from incredibly intense phantom UTI pain. There was a day that I was crying in the fetal position of the bathroom because I felt like a hot poker had been shoved up my vagina after I peed. That weekend I suddenly got very intense diarrhea. I realized while it was happening that I had never felt this desperately ill while having diarrhea before. It was probably the worst pain I had ever felt in my life, and felt strangely like menstrual pain rather than stomach pain. After about twenty minutes of diarrhea I started to pass only blood. There wasn’t any specific pain in my rectum (this is important because they tried to misdiagnose me with a fissure) but I would feel like I needed to poop, then only blood would come out. The blood was dark and thick. This happened probably ten times with a tablespoon to maybe a half cup of blood coming out each time. The entire time I was having the worst abominable cramps of my life coming in waves like contractions. I spent the night in the hospital and was discharged without much help, all the while I was still pooping blood about every ten minutes and still feeling the worst abdominal cramps of my life. I went back to the ER the next day and they once again told me I just had a fissure. I continued to poop blood for a week after that. I didn't pass any actual poop for that week, only blood. And it wasn't dripping out of me like a fissure, I would get a sick feeling in my stomach like I was going to have diarrhea and then push out blood. Sometimes this was happening every twenty minutes. I've had about 7 or 8 periods since this happened and I still bleed from my rectum every single time. It's nowhere near as painful or heavy, but I push out blood on the 2nd and 3rd day, and I am one hundred percent sure it's not just leaking down from my vagina.
I've been prescribed birth control four times since I was 16 for this issue. I'm a lesbian so I don't need contraceptives, so this is the only reason I've ever gone on birth control. But each time I have started birth control I get so horribly depressed that the smallest thing will make me question why I was born. I would honestly rather be in horrible pain every month than ever go on birth control again.
Up to present day, I went to a rectal surgeon who told me there was no evidence of a fissure from my medical event last June, but I did have some benign hemorrhoids. I went to an OBGYN who is a nurse practitioner who ordered a transvaginal ultra sound and found nothing wrong. After her I went to an OGBYN who is an actual surgeon, and she was quick to agree that this sounds like endo. She offered me several next steps and we decided to go ahead with a lap, even though my ultrasound was clear. My period has gotten so out of hand since I went to the ER that I have to keep a "period pack" with me full of hot water bottles and medication. The current intensity of my period has me in a fetal position shaking until a combo of midol and prescription strength naproxen sets in for the first few days of my cycle.
On top of this, my common symptoms are brain fog (literally ten minutes ago I said the phrase ‘grass smacker’ because I couldn’t think of ‘weed wacker’), depression, anxiety, a slow metabolism, mild constipation and diarrhea on my period, occasional digestive issues. I don’t have any family history of endo, but there is a lot of infertility in the women on my dad’s side of the family, specifically my aunts and grandma. My aunts have told me they are just infertile, nothing else, but that whole side of the family belongs to a fundamentalist religion and might not necessarily look into painful periods. For those who don’t know anything about Christianity, periods are supposedly meant to be painful as punishment for Eve eating the apple, so I don’t trust that my aunts would have gone to an OBGYN for pain. They’re also in their 70’s and live in Utah, so I don’t know what their gynecological resources were when they were young.
My girlfriend thinks I’m crazy that I have doubts, but after all of the visits at planned parenthood where they just kept finding nothing or misdiagnosing me, I’m very nervous that this might be psychosomatic. I guess I’m wondering from other’s experiences where my symptoms fall in with likely endo, or possibly some other mystery illness. Any input is greatly appreciated.
2024.02.08 03:15 Effective-Nobody-868 I had a problem at school that was resolved for me, without my input/against my wishes and I still am just wanting to know if all of this was okay?
**Was giving me a failing grade for not doing Swim because I didn't want to put a foreign object inside of my vagina a title ix violation or a violation of any other law**?? I put this question at the top because I am just really looking for a yes or no answer at this point.
For background, I go to public school in a Chicago suburb. My school contacted my parents and got them to agree to withdraw me from a course. This happened today and I am so upset. I know there is nothing I can do about it if my parents gave the okay, but I'm still just wondering if a school can legally punish a student for essentially being on her time of the month and not wanting to use tampons because they hurt? It doesn't feel right that my education can be diminished because of smthng so personal. The course was gym and it's the Swim block. I don't have any kind of doctor's note for this, but I'm not making it up. If I knew that talking to an adult would just lead to that adult over my head I would have just force a tampon in. This is a throwaway account because when I tried to get help before I just got a bunch of pervy messages, sorry.
submitted by Effective-Nobody-868 to legaladvice [link] [comments]
For background, I go to public school in a Chicago suburb. My school contacted my parents and got them to agree to withdraw me from a course. This happened today and I am so upset. I know there is nothing I can do about it if my parents gave the okay, but I'm still just wondering if a school can legally punish a student for essentially being on her time of the month and not wanting to use tampons because they hurt? It doesn't feel right that my education can be diminished because of smthng so personal. The course was gym and it's the Swim block. I don't have any kind of doctor's note for this, but I'm not making it up. If I knew that talking to an adult would just lead to that adult over my head I would have just force a tampon in. This is a throwaway account because when I tried to get help before I just got a bunch of pervy messages, sorry.
2024.02.02 04:13 lau_kai_chung Just added a few more World Cup news items, including hosts installing tampon dispensers in dressing rooms to pander to the committee.
 | submitted by lau_kai_chung to simcups [link] [comments] |
2024.02.01 11:28 F2_Mad I could almost forgive the S4 finale if, If, IF there had been a Season 5 coming...
I think all of our anger and frustration and disgust with how S4 of KE ended could have easily been appeased (and trust me I know it is sadly so easy to appease our queer community bc we accept so little - aka stop burying your gays smh). But hear me out... disregard and throw out all the interviews LN gave. Let's just erase her awful explanations and excuses and justifications. Bc they're all tone deaf and flailing and just pathetic.
That ALL aside, which is no easy task and requires a shit ton of grace and healing lol. BUT, just IMAGINE if there were a 5th Season of KE. It's then and ONLY then that the S4 Finale can possibly find any redemption. The show, and again particularly LN's "ending" severely deviated from the source material, not to mention the entire vibe and trajectory the previous 3 seasons had established. But Ok, fine, we'll put that aside too and try to focus on the last page, not the journey.
IF KE had gotten a 5th season, even with the atrocious and offensive and infuriatingly crappy S4, we could have gotten our needed, nay DESERVED, finale. Stay with me, so Eve and Villanelle get their road trip van life relationship test (which LN dismissed and belittled) and they're on the same page, sticking together, enjoying their time together. FOR THE FIRST TIME! Seriously those were the first (and only) moments when just the two of them the same place together for longer than a minute and without someone injured/dying the ENTIRE SERIES. NO awkward silences. They laugh and bond over the #VanLife couple, they tease and joke about the radio station in the camper, they tease and joke about condiments on their fries. FFS they pee together which as we all know is saying something lol (I knew I loved my wife when I changed my tampon while she was in the same bathroom putting on her makeup). So maybe that's TMI lol but THAT scene rings true to me and it made me smile, made me think hope that they were over the hump, finding their couple groove and finally letting their defenses down and seeing that they were meant to be a team.
Put aside all the VERY valid reasons why Season 4, and particularly the finale just BLEW. If we didn't know that it had been their final fates, if we didn't know that was how they were going to do us, if we thought we'd get another season I don't think it'd disappoint nor disgust nor infuriate us all quite so much. Bc IF we knew another season was coming we'd all be lined up to watch it. And there could be a million possible story lines that way.
Imagine, S4 ends in the water with a seemingly mortally wounded Villanelle floating away from Eve. Fine, Season 5 opens with Eve out for vengence, w a taste for blood now. Heartbroken devastated or not Eve is an established tunnel vision grudge holder fixated on vengence. They've also established, repeatedly, that mortal wounds aren't always mortal wounds... Villanelle survives Eve's stab wound, Eve survives Villanelle's gun shot, Konstantine survives a gun shot and a heart attack and a second heart attack. Why not one more miraculous survival (at the hands of an MI6/infamous assassin no less; we've already suspended that logic bc I mean seriously all these professionals seem to not check for a pulse like ever).
So flash to S5: Villanelle isn't dead ofc (she's "mourned" and a ghost that weighs on the first few episodes, but conveniently the body never washes up anywhere). Eve goes on a vengeful quest/rampage to find out and punish whomever "killed" Villanelle. Bc to her the 12 hunt is seemingly over, right? Right. S5 E1-3 has delicious little easter eggs that Villanelle might still be alive. Eve, with the 12 somewhat eliminated (minus Carolyn's astute it never ends, theyll just be replaced blah blah) she keeps searching for V, half wanting answers half hope).
Blah Blah Blah, V reappears, E elated and NOW wants no revenge, wants the happily ever after path. But it's VILLANELLE who wants to burn it all down.
And there you have it. I just fucking fixed the terrible Season 4 with a Season 5 filled with intrigue and revenge and cat and mouse all while keeping INTACT Luke Jenning's final chapters.
MIC DROP
submitted by F2_Mad to KillingEve [link] [comments]
That ALL aside, which is no easy task and requires a shit ton of grace and healing lol. BUT, just IMAGINE if there were a 5th Season of KE. It's then and ONLY then that the S4 Finale can possibly find any redemption. The show, and again particularly LN's "ending" severely deviated from the source material, not to mention the entire vibe and trajectory the previous 3 seasons had established. But Ok, fine, we'll put that aside too and try to focus on the last page, not the journey.
IF KE had gotten a 5th season, even with the atrocious and offensive and infuriatingly crappy S4, we could have gotten our needed, nay DESERVED, finale. Stay with me, so Eve and Villanelle get their road trip van life relationship test (which LN dismissed and belittled) and they're on the same page, sticking together, enjoying their time together. FOR THE FIRST TIME! Seriously those were the first (and only) moments when just the two of them the same place together for longer than a minute and without someone injured/dying the ENTIRE SERIES. NO awkward silences. They laugh and bond over the #VanLife couple, they tease and joke about the radio station in the camper, they tease and joke about condiments on their fries. FFS they pee together which as we all know is saying something lol (I knew I loved my wife when I changed my tampon while she was in the same bathroom putting on her makeup). So maybe that's TMI lol but THAT scene rings true to me and it made me smile, made me think hope that they were over the hump, finding their couple groove and finally letting their defenses down and seeing that they were meant to be a team.
Put aside all the VERY valid reasons why Season 4, and particularly the finale just BLEW. If we didn't know that it had been their final fates, if we didn't know that was how they were going to do us, if we thought we'd get another season I don't think it'd disappoint nor disgust nor infuriate us all quite so much. Bc IF we knew another season was coming we'd all be lined up to watch it. And there could be a million possible story lines that way.
Imagine, S4 ends in the water with a seemingly mortally wounded Villanelle floating away from Eve. Fine, Season 5 opens with Eve out for vengence, w a taste for blood now. Heartbroken devastated or not Eve is an established tunnel vision grudge holder fixated on vengence. They've also established, repeatedly, that mortal wounds aren't always mortal wounds... Villanelle survives Eve's stab wound, Eve survives Villanelle's gun shot, Konstantine survives a gun shot and a heart attack and a second heart attack. Why not one more miraculous survival (at the hands of an MI6/infamous assassin no less; we've already suspended that logic bc I mean seriously all these professionals seem to not check for a pulse like ever).
So flash to S5: Villanelle isn't dead ofc (she's "mourned" and a ghost that weighs on the first few episodes, but conveniently the body never washes up anywhere). Eve goes on a vengeful quest/rampage to find out and punish whomever "killed" Villanelle. Bc to her the 12 hunt is seemingly over, right? Right. S5 E1-3 has delicious little easter eggs that Villanelle might still be alive. Eve, with the 12 somewhat eliminated (minus Carolyn's astute it never ends, theyll just be replaced blah blah) she keeps searching for V, half wanting answers half hope).
Blah Blah Blah, V reappears, E elated and NOW wants no revenge, wants the happily ever after path. But it's VILLANELLE who wants to burn it all down.
And there you have it. I just fucking fixed the terrible Season 4 with a Season 5 filled with intrigue and revenge and cat and mouse all while keeping INTACT Luke Jenning's final chapters.
MIC DROP
2024.01.30 01:45 HeyZeusCreaseToast A compendium of questions that have yet to be answered
POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD
I decided to rewatch the show with the purpose of writing down an assortment of “questions” that the show has presented to the audience but has yet to fully answer (or answer at all). This is meant to be a living document, so if there are “questions” that I missed, please let me know and I am happy to update the list!
The list of questions I have compiled aren’t mean to be the bigger “what do the mysterious and important numbers that MDR is sorting through mean,” or “is Lumon an evil company that is using the severance chip for ill-gotten purposes.” I wanted this list to focus more on questions that the Severance universe presents to us and that highlights new or odd information.
Some of the questions are inferences from context clues within the show, but most of the question revolve around specific scenes or items from within the show. Additionally, some of the questions may have answers that have been assumed by us as the result of theories - for example, what other functions is the severance chip capable of? Beehive, Clean Slate, Elephant, etc - but because we haven’t necessarily been given answers in the show, I still included those questions in this post.
Lastly, I was hoping that this list of questions would help facilitate conversations and debates as we try to answer them, even if there ultimately isn’t a perfect answer.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Episode 1 - Good News About Hell
submitted by HeyZeusCreaseToast to SeveranceAppleTVPlus [link] [comments]
I decided to rewatch the show with the purpose of writing down an assortment of “questions” that the show has presented to the audience but has yet to fully answer (or answer at all). This is meant to be a living document, so if there are “questions” that I missed, please let me know and I am happy to update the list!
The list of questions I have compiled aren’t mean to be the bigger “what do the mysterious and important numbers that MDR is sorting through mean,” or “is Lumon an evil company that is using the severance chip for ill-gotten purposes.” I wanted this list to focus more on questions that the Severance universe presents to us and that highlights new or odd information.
Some of the questions are inferences from context clues within the show, but most of the question revolve around specific scenes or items from within the show. Additionally, some of the questions may have answers that have been assumed by us as the result of theories - for example, what other functions is the severance chip capable of? Beehive, Clean Slate, Elephant, etc - but because we haven’t necessarily been given answers in the show, I still included those questions in this post.
Lastly, I was hoping that this list of questions would help facilitate conversations and debates as we try to answer them, even if there ultimately isn’t a perfect answer.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Episode 1 - Good News About Hell
- What else is the conference room used for?
- How do Helly’s answers to the 5 survey questions earn her a perfect score?
- Specifically “Delaware”
- Why did Ms Cobel get a new office?
- Was she promoted?
- Does Outie Mark get a raise for his promotion?
- Has Innie Irving run a new trainee orientation before? Why did he shadow Innie Mark?
- If so, does that imply he has been in a senior level position in the past?
- Is Lumon truly planning an expansion or what is the real reason there is so much empty workspace on the severed floor?
- Why couldn’t Innie Mark watch Helly’s attempts to leave through the Emergency Exit door?
- Why would Gemma have been proud of Mark for taking the severed job at Lumon (according to Devon)?
- How did Reintegrated Petey know where Mark’s sister & Brother-in-Law lived?
- Reintegrated Petey implies both himself and Innie Mark have been unhappy at Lumon for a while and have attempted to lodge complaints and make changes.
- Yet when we meet Innie Mark - especially in his new role / post-Helly introduction - Innie Mark seems to be more of a “Company Man?”
- Why/how does the severance procedure operating room have such modern technology compared to everywhere else in the universe?
- Has Outie Mark been notified of Innie Mark’s new role/promotion at Lumon?
- He now starts earlier, so does that mean longer hours and more pay?
- What does “reviewing employee’s lunches” on the manager’s checklist mean?
- Why is “refilling the hand soap in the bathroom” but not refilling any other bathroom items (toilet paper, tampons, paper towels, etc) part of the checklist?
- What was the crystal head cube given to Innie Mark for? Especially if it’s not a “prize” according to Innie Dylan?
- Why is the word “Allentown” is etched onto it?
- Why did Innie Irving robotically attempt to do a trust fall during their “get-to-know-you” game when no indicators were given that they were to do a trust fall?
- When Innie Mark was sent to the Break Room, why was Ms Cobel there when it seems that Mr Milchick normally runs it?
- What is the Hall of Records? There is a building with that title behind the Whole Mind Collective petitioners
- Why do the MDR files expire according to Innie Dylan?
- If only 1 in 5 of the MDR files are completed, what happens to the other 4?
- What was Innie Mark’s “freshman fluke” Innie Dylan mentions to Innie Helly?
- Is it connected to his crystal head cube?
- Why was Reintegrated Petey staying in an abandoned greenhouse and not his own house?
- Why was Innie Burt in a wellness session? (When Innie Irving and Innie Burt first met)
- How does Lumon collect the wellness session facts on each of the severed employees’ Outies?
- How many total facts do they have for each Outie?
- Why do Innies have to enjoy each fact equally during a wellness session?
- Why did Outie Mark’s neighborhood “Baird Creek” never really fill up with more people living there?
- Why does Outie Mark hate the bathrobe so much?
- What is the bad soap that Graner uses?
- What were Ricken’s first 4 books about?
- Why is Ambrose Eagan considered the Black Sheep of the Eagan family?
- What is the point of the “mouth wall” in the Perpetuity wing?
- What was the true purpose of O&D’s egg drop challenge?
- Why did Reintegrated Petey stop answering Reghabi’s phone calls?
- Why does Innie Helly hear an angry grumbling man but Innie Dylan hears a crying baby while being punished in the Break Room?
- Could the voices they hear be from the baby goat room? The baby goats sound like babies and the man feeding them good be who Innie Helly hears?
- Why aren’t they supposed to talk about what goes on in the Break Room?
- Why wasn’t Judd the security guard at his desk when Innie Helly was attempting to hang herself in the elevator? He’s the security guard who normally sits at the entrance/exit of the elevator
- Are Graner & Ms Cobel in some sort of a sexual relationship?
- A sly smile seems to appear on his face when Ms Cobel responds to one of his questions with “Yes, daddy”
- Who is the artist that paints all of the paintings for Lumon’s severed floor?
- Was Gabrielle Artera’s husband (State Senator Angelo Arteta) aware she had been severed for her pregnancy/birthing experience?
- What type of punishment did Innie Mark receive in the Break Room?
- Outie Mark’s knuckles were red and inflamed so it seemed to be a physical punishment rather than the “normal” psychological Break Room punishment
- While interrogating Innie Dylan using the Overtime Protocol, who was Mr. Milchick giving orders to back in the Lumon offices?
- It’s a two person job to implement - at the time, Ms Cobel was masquerading as Mrs Selvig at Devon & Ricken’s house and Graner was most likely searching for Reghabi - so who else was there?
- How/why does Reghabi know details about Outie Mark?
- Why didn’t Reintegrated Petey follow Reghabi’s post reintegration care instructions?
- How scared must Reghabi be to have to kill Graner in order to feel safe?
- How many outfits does Milchick keep at the office?
- What happens to the Innies during a fire alarm (or other emergency) evacuation?
- While in the Security Office, we see several other department initials - what do they stand for?
- CH, WH, CE, CL, WN, TA, W&A, and D&R
- What do the other chip functions do?
- Beehive, Branch Transfer, Clean Slate, Elephant, Freeze Frame, Glasgow, Goldfish, Lullaby, Open House
- These are also in alphabetical order so are there more past “Open House” that we don’t know about yet?
- What’s a hamburger waiter?
- Does Outie Irving’s list of severed employees cover just those that are in the Kier, PE area or the entire Lumon company?
- Why does Jame Eagan pay Innie Helly (masquerading as Outie Helena) the compliment “you look like a film?”
- Why was Jame Eagan in bed and crying when he was told of Innie Helly’s suicide attempt?
- What does Jame Eagan mean by “my revolving?”
- How long has severance been a publicly known and accepted thing in this universe?
- Jame Eagan references a memory of when he brought home the first prototype to show to a young Outie Helena who responded that it was so beautiful. Helena is ~30 years old, so a young Helena that was able to converse with her Dad must have been ~5 which means that severance has been around for ~20 years or so?
- Why are the levels of technology all over the place?
- The Innies computers seem to be from the 1970s
- The Outies in Kier seem to drive cars from before the 2000s
- The Outies use smartphones as well as basic cell phones
- The medical lab inside Lumon seems to contain modern, sophisticated equipment & technology
- The Outies TVs seem to be modern
- Why is Mrs Selvig only referred to as such and not by any first name?
- What does Devon Scout-Hale do for a living?
- Why is Helena Eagan’s chosen Innie name “Helly Riggs?”
- How long a period of time does the first season span?
- Is it always cold/snowing/winter in Kier, PE?
2024.01.29 21:41 YoungLadyLike Need Period help dad is no help.
Hey girlies, I'm 12, and I started getting my period last summer Dad's trying to help, but he's basically clueless, kinda like Homer Simpson. He just hands me his card and chills in the car while I hit up the pharmacy or Walmart or walks me around the mall.
Since he's so hands-off, I've been experimenting with many products. Tampons are a definite no for me - felt like a nightmare trying to use one litteratly felt like I was trying shove a knife inside me and those thin pads? Like Always Ultra Thin? They're a joke, I swear I bleed through them in seconds.
So, I bought these poise pad level 6s which are okay for daytime, but I'm literally going through like 8-10 a day. Is that normal? How often am I supposed to switch them out?
Now, let's talk the real struggle - underwear. What type do you wear with pads? I've tried a zillion different ones from Walmart and the mall, but the pad is always too big. Even those Vanity Fair old lady panties barely fit the pad, and they're huge on me, like going up past my belly button.
And placing the pad is like a strategic game I always lose. No matter where I stick it, I end up leaking. Too far forward and I leak out the back, too far back and it's the opposite.
Nighttime is a disaster zone. I've tried everything, but I keep leaking and ruining my sheets. Dad's solution? Goodnites. Yes, seriously. It's beyond embarrassing.
This is so frustrating. I’ve been in tears at school because I've had to have my dad bring me a change of clothes at school because my pad leaked so badly or I still can’t tell when my period will start.
Dads bought me heating pads and even skipped all the way to a giant heating blanket to help me when the cramps get bad.
Any advice or tips from you ladies would be lifesaving right now!
Edit #1 thank you for all the tips. I showed dad this post. He didn't appreciate being lumped in with Homer Simpson but then admitted when it comes to menstrual cycles he might as well be Homer Simpson or Bart Simpson for all the knowledge he has about them. He also did not like me describing/comparing inserting a tampon akin to putting a lightsaber inside me and then trying to turn it on that description has him concerned.
He is going to go on websites for these Companies and try to get free samples and anything he can’t get a free sample of he is just going to order online for me.
One issue I keep running into is I need the extra long extra heavy pads but I'm only 12 and my period started last year when I was 11 and any panties I get are for girls so to short/small so the long heavy pads I need don't fit in any panties that fit me. Either the pads too long looks more like a loin cloth on me and or to o wide for the crotch of my panties.
I gave up on pads with wings because the only thing the wings stuck to were absolutely anything and everything besides the panty.
I've been using poise pads level 6 because that's what works/absorbed best and when I put them in Vanity fair panties the panties were wide enough in the crotch or gusset to have area enough to stick to.
Going to try the period panties but are they any different than depends silhouette or Goodnites diapers/pullups. Will teen products work/fit me since I'm only 12
He is also going to try to get me an appointment with a female doctor or gynecologist asap.
I am going to cut my dad some slack because he didn't have sisters growing up and his mom passed away. My mom died giving birth to me and she never discussed her periods with him because when she was raised she was taught periods were something to be ashamed of and were a punishment for being sinful. So my dad never even considered going to her side of the family to help me.
In an effort to help me in the meantime he bought and packed me an extra backpack with some of my current period products. He also bought bags that could be vacuum sealed and shrunk. He rebought some of my favorite clothes and outfits put them in the vacuum sealed bags and shrunk them so I can keep entire extra outfits on me in my backpack and have even more extra’s in the spare backpack.
He also bought me a makeup bag and a small and a clutch purse to put products in so if I have to excuse myself from the classroom I could just take the makeup bag or clutch purse with me.
He wanted to buy a first aid looking military pouch and use Molle or velcro attachment to attach to my bag but I talked him out of that.
He said if the school gives me any trouble he would get me a 504 accommodations to force them to help me or allow me to take my backpack or makeup bag on me at all times.
submitted by YoungLadyLike to Periods [link] [comments]
Since he's so hands-off, I've been experimenting with many products. Tampons are a definite no for me - felt like a nightmare trying to use one litteratly felt like I was trying shove a knife inside me and those thin pads? Like Always Ultra Thin? They're a joke, I swear I bleed through them in seconds.
So, I bought these poise pad level 6s which are okay for daytime, but I'm literally going through like 8-10 a day. Is that normal? How often am I supposed to switch them out?
Now, let's talk the real struggle - underwear. What type do you wear with pads? I've tried a zillion different ones from Walmart and the mall, but the pad is always too big. Even those Vanity Fair old lady panties barely fit the pad, and they're huge on me, like going up past my belly button.
And placing the pad is like a strategic game I always lose. No matter where I stick it, I end up leaking. Too far forward and I leak out the back, too far back and it's the opposite.
Nighttime is a disaster zone. I've tried everything, but I keep leaking and ruining my sheets. Dad's solution? Goodnites. Yes, seriously. It's beyond embarrassing.
This is so frustrating. I’ve been in tears at school because I've had to have my dad bring me a change of clothes at school because my pad leaked so badly or I still can’t tell when my period will start.
Dads bought me heating pads and even skipped all the way to a giant heating blanket to help me when the cramps get bad.
Any advice or tips from you ladies would be lifesaving right now!
Edit #1 thank you for all the tips. I showed dad this post. He didn't appreciate being lumped in with Homer Simpson but then admitted when it comes to menstrual cycles he might as well be Homer Simpson or Bart Simpson for all the knowledge he has about them. He also did not like me describing/comparing inserting a tampon akin to putting a lightsaber inside me and then trying to turn it on that description has him concerned.
He is going to go on websites for these Companies and try to get free samples and anything he can’t get a free sample of he is just going to order online for me.
One issue I keep running into is I need the extra long extra heavy pads but I'm only 12 and my period started last year when I was 11 and any panties I get are for girls so to short/small so the long heavy pads I need don't fit in any panties that fit me. Either the pads too long looks more like a loin cloth on me and or to o wide for the crotch of my panties.
I gave up on pads with wings because the only thing the wings stuck to were absolutely anything and everything besides the panty.
I've been using poise pads level 6 because that's what works/absorbed best and when I put them in Vanity fair panties the panties were wide enough in the crotch or gusset to have area enough to stick to.
Going to try the period panties but are they any different than depends silhouette or Goodnites diapers/pullups. Will teen products work/fit me since I'm only 12
He is also going to try to get me an appointment with a female doctor or gynecologist asap.
I am going to cut my dad some slack because he didn't have sisters growing up and his mom passed away. My mom died giving birth to me and she never discussed her periods with him because when she was raised she was taught periods were something to be ashamed of and were a punishment for being sinful. So my dad never even considered going to her side of the family to help me.
In an effort to help me in the meantime he bought and packed me an extra backpack with some of my current period products. He also bought bags that could be vacuum sealed and shrunk. He rebought some of my favorite clothes and outfits put them in the vacuum sealed bags and shrunk them so I can keep entire extra outfits on me in my backpack and have even more extra’s in the spare backpack.
He also bought me a makeup bag and a small and a clutch purse to put products in so if I have to excuse myself from the classroom I could just take the makeup bag or clutch purse with me.
He wanted to buy a first aid looking military pouch and use Molle or velcro attachment to attach to my bag but I talked him out of that.
He said if the school gives me any trouble he would get me a 504 accommodations to force them to help me or allow me to take my backpack or makeup bag on me at all times.