Just hit 36 days of sr and let me tell you, this is no placebo.
Are you going to gain strength like Goku, levitate like Ohnoki, or attract women like Magic Don Juan? Not happening.
In my opinion, the main benefit you get from SR is self-control. This translates into better interactions with people, making smarter decisions, completing tasks consistently, and to develop discipline in all areas of life. To control this urge to express your sexuality is to control the most potent urge instilled in us biologically. If you can overcome this, you can overcome anything.
This has possibly been the most challenging journey I have ever attempted. I have a gf, and we have amazing chemistry from a sexual aspect. Luckily for me, she has always been supportive of me attempting to do this challenge, but I was never able to succeed for longer than a few days. I tried to practice tantra, but to be honest I don't think I'm on that level yet fellas. When I say she got the yams, I'm talking yams. It wasn't until we had a small break up that I really decided to lock in and take this practice seriously. I knew there was something to it because even when I would do measly 7 day streaks I would notice a difference in my energy.
The benefits for me have been profound.
-Waking up early, I used to NEVER want to wake up early. It was unheard of for me unless it was a requirement. I constantly wake up before my alarm and I like to get up to hit the gym.
-Steady energy - The mid-day fatigue used to be too real for me. Now it's a thing of the past. I never want to take naps unless I get sick or don't sleep well at all the previous night. I kicked the energy drinks/pre-workout out completely. I do still like to consume a light amount of caffeine so I will have some matcha in the mornings.

• Academic Success - I was accepted into a healthcare program at my local community college and I have been able to do very well so far. Only 25 students are accepted annually so it can be pretty intensive but I have not felt overwhelmed at all so far. I'm much more mentally focused now that I have been able to get rid of the brain fog. I used to randomly get aroused when I was doing my studies because often certain subjects are boring to study. For me boredom=trouble. Now that I've been able to practice overcoming the strong urges I can focus more effectively on my studies and it's been a game changer for me.

-Magnetism/Attraction - This is just undeniable. I have experienced women in my class touching me for no reason, not even during group work or anything. A woman complimenting my appearance that I know for a fact has a boyfriend. My gf saying I have the notorious "glow" that everyone talks about (she knows I do SR but has no knowledge of it or the benefits). The other day I noticed a baby girl in her mother's arms, and as I walked by she smiles, and points at me. I began to wave at her and she waves back. I don't know what it is about this journey, but when you're able to retain that seed you just walk different, you talk different, and you look different. Nothing drastic, but a nice boost.
-Sexual Control - This is essential for all men if you desire to reach your full potential. If you're serious about this journey, that means you're trying to truly live life to the fullest. You can't live life to the fullest constantly releasing your essence. Aside from retaining, you are able to overcome any foolishness from women because you can not fall victim to their persuasive tendencies, if you get what I'm saying. Men seem to have this proclivity to inflict harm upon themselves due to their lack of sexual discipline. Think about this. Ime Udoka was a rookie Head Coach in the top basketball league on the planet. His first year in the NBA, and he is able to take his team all the way to the NBA finals. Even though they lost to Golden State, that is still a big accomplishment for him. The potential was clearly there. Most of us know how this story ends. He sacrificed all that because he could not control himself. He is a good coach so I am not surprised that he got another job in the NBA, but I feel that Boston was the perfect situation for him and he threw it all away for a temporary pleasure.
This journey is hard. Good things seem to come from doing hard tasks though. It feels that every time I overcome an urge my mind levels up by 1%. The urges will always be there, but this does get easier. Once you establish why you want to do this journey, and you are able to effectively redirect this energy towards your goals, you will succeed. Keep going boys. Lay off the sites, delete IG, tik tok, dating apps, just for a month. See how you feel. Hit the gym, hit the books, get to the bag, start a business, learn a skill, get an education, do whatever you have to do to keep yourself busy. We all know what they say about an idle mind. God Bless

TL;DR: soliciting feedback on what additional metadata you'd like to see on the Imperial library, and if/how to expand Librarian Comments on texts.
***
When reworking the new Imperial Library, one of my biggest aims was to simplify and clarify how information is organized so that it's easier for readers to understand the context of each text.
Currently, TIL presents the following information ("metadata") in all text pages:

• Origin (whether it's from a game, is a website text, an obscure text, etc.)
• In-world author
• Type of book it is (fiction, religious, historical, etc.)

Is there any additional metadata that you would find useful to display on all texts? (anything that's not Articles, Galleries, Interviews, etc.). We're already utilizing a Real World Author field in the background that could easily be exposed to readers, if that's something people would be interested in. Is there anything about how existing metadata is displayed that could be improved?
We also make heavy use of Librarian Comments to provide additional context for texts.

• On books that appear in multiple games, we provide information on any differences between the releases (example: Breathing Water)
• On out-of-game texts, we try to provide at minimum the location and approximate date of publication, as well as an explanation of who is who when relevant, and a link to the original publication when available (example: Reman I, Story of ESO, ESO Homestead Interview)

In the past, we've also occasionally included comments from the book authors that clarify inconsistencies, explain the origins of a text, and otherwise provide background information (example: King Edward). Do people generally find these useful? Would you want to see more of them?
How would you feel about including comments that generally clarify things that may not be clear to a modern reader, but aren't from the author? (e.g. someone recently thought that "thot-box" was referring to the slang term for a sexually promiscuous woman, but the text that uses this term proceeded the popularity of the slang word)
And finally, anything else that y'all would like to see expanded, edited, or added to help understand lore in context?

I need to preface this by saying that I am not interested in having a back-and-forth in the comment section. If you are interested in speaking with me, kindly message me in DMs.
I'm told women want a man who knows what he wants, so here's the whole nine yards. If there is anything here that you are not willing to accept, then don't. You will not change me now or years down the line. Obviously I intend to grow and mature (as one ought to), but I have decided who I am and what I want out of a relationship.
I am looking for a woman that I can make a permanent covenant bond with; I have no interest in flings or "long-term relationships."
I don't intend to come across as bitter or angry with any of this, just clear and up-front. It makes things easier for both of us.
Age gap is not mandatory. Don't be put off contacting me if you are closer to my age.
A bit about me:
My faith in Christ is paramount in my life. I would not be where I am without him. In taking interests in various things, I've learned a lot about God's character and design. Each new thing I learn fills me with more worship of him and wonder at his works. It is very important to me that you share this admiration of God.
I have a full-time job that I am very satisfied with, but what I feel truly passionate about is art and storytelling. To be honest, I've hit a bit of a block lately as far as my output. But I've been trying to find my feet so I can make something valuable to share with the world. I think that art and stories are a fundamental part of being human, not just a luxury. So pretty much any kind of art will spark passion in me, be it music, cinema, video games, literature, video essay, sculpture, etc. I could go back and forth for hours on a lot of things. My hope is that you and I will be able to enjoy art together and create some of our own.
I frequently spend time with another gentleman from my Church and we enjoy conversations about personal projects and contemporary issues, along with walks along beaches and park trails. He is a very important friend in my life, and I am lucky to know such a kind soul. Things aren't well with my family, so I really need that kind of presence.
While I rely on my bicycle for transport (no car), it's not a problem for me. I've been riding bikes since I was in elementary school (maybe even before). It would be really nice to ride down some trails with you.
What I expect from you:
-You need to be a follower of Jesus Christ. God needs to be an active part of your life because I intend to raise our children under Biblical values.
-You need hobbies and interests apart from me. I'm fine with helping you find things you like.
-You need to be a virgin.
-You must be humble and respectful. "Boss babe" attitudes are not attractive to me.
-You cannot have any tattoos or piercings, or have undergone any kind of surgery that affects your reproductive organs (reassignment, colpocleisis, FGM, tubal ligation, etc). I am not a doctor, so I don't know every situation that could require surgery. If you've had to undergo surgery or medication because of circumstances beyond your control, please let me know; I'm willing to hear your side of things.
-No cosmetic products. It's not good for your body and I am attracted women, not makeup. This includes fake nails and fake eyelashes. I don't need you to look "pretty." You character is more important to me.
-Related to the previous, no use of image filters in photos. I do not like the type of people who are vain and vapid enough to feel the need to use filters on their photos.
-Again related to the previous, you need to have a limited social media presence. If you have a business or post something of value (like art, for example), then I have no problem. What I'm talking about is having an Instagram or Facebook account where you make random posts to nobody in particular to "update" the internet on your life or post tons of pictures of yourself online. Basing your self-worth on the comments and likes from strangers on the internet is unhealthy, and I find people's obsessive need to take pictures of themselves very unattractive and vain.
-If we marry, I expect you treat me as the head of the house. There can't be two leaders in a household because one will have to defer to the other.
-I expect you to view marriage as something that you put work into. Marriages are a team effort, so I expect you to be a help meet.
-You need to treat me like a partner, not an adversary. Getting into arguments and nagging me helps neither of us. You must have conflict-resolution skills and a solution mindset.
-You need excellent communication skills. This means understanding yourself, putting your thoughts into words other people can understand, and verbalizing things rather than expecting me to read your thoughts.
-You cannot play games with me. Telling me about other guys to make me jealous or planning dates for specific days to pressure me into committing to you are wicked and manipulative.
-While we are dating, you cannot have a "backup plan." I expect you to not be splitting your attention between me and other men. This includes spending time outside of work with other men (family excluded).
-You must be in shape. Don't be dishonest with yourself about your weight; check your BMI. This includes being underweight, anorexic, and bulimic.
-You cannot have taken any COVID-19 vaccinations from any provider.
-No smoking, drugs, or drunkenness.
-I expect you to completely renounce fast food if we date or marry. We will never feed our children McDonald's.
What you can expect from me:
-While we are dating, I will not be speaking to other women.
-I cannot meet your height, money, or attractiveness expectations. I am simply an average dude. I am critical, abstract, and imaginative in my thinking though.
-I will not ask you to do something that is unreasonable or demeaning. I will only ask of you what I expect from myself. No relationship is going to be 50/50 100% of the time, but I will put forth the effort I am able to. I expect the same out of you.
-I will not raise my hand against you. My hands will be a safe place for you.
-I will be available to listen to your troubles and help you bear through them.
-I will not demean you or humiliate you, whether or not you are in the room.
-I will show leadership in our house and exercise restraint with a mild temper.
-I will cherish you and treat you as my own body.
-I will devote myself to displaying my love for you in a language you understand, even if I am feeling distant from you because of troubles we face. I expect the same from you.
-I will not turn to another woman and betray you.
-I intend to keep every promise that I make with you.
-I will treat our children with patience and kindness, but diligently discipline them and instruct them appropriately.
Please tell me a bit about yourself and what you expect out of a relationship, but be practical and clear. A list of platitudes like "loyal, honest, etc" does not help me understand what you're looking for. Think about what your expectations look like in a tangible, everyday way.

Dating is so hard. I want my forever gym partner. A woman who enjoys couples workouts.

I’m a mid 20s woman and the dating apps and dating in general in this area is awful. The quality of men is very low, lots of republicans, lots of passive men that don’t want to put in effort.

I'm told women want a man who knows what he wants, so here's the whole nine yards. If there is anything here that you are not willing to accept, then don't. You will not change me now or years down the line. Obviously I intend to grow and mature (as one ought to), but I have decided who I am and what I want out of a relationship.
I am looking for a woman that I can make a permanent covenant bond with; I have no interest in flings or "long-term relationships."
I don't intend to come across as bitter or angry with any of this, just clear and up-front. It makes things easier for both of us.
A bit about me:
My faith in Christ is paramount in my life. I would not be where I am without him. In taking interests in various things, I've learned a lot about God's character and design. Each new thing I learn fills me with more worship of him and wonder at his works. It is very important to me that you share this admiration of God.
I have a full-time job that I am very satisfied with, but what I feel truly passionate about is art and storytelling. To be honest, I've hit a bit of a block lately as far as my output. But I've been trying to find my feet so I can make something valuable to share with the world. I think that art and stories are a fundamental part of being human, not just a luxury. So pretty much any kind of art will spark passion in me, be it music, cinema, video games, literature, video essay, sculpture, etc. I could go back and forth for hours on a lot of things. My hope is that you and I will be able to enjoy art together and create some of our own.
I frequently spend time with another gentleman from my Church and we enjoy conversations about personal projects and contemporary issues, along with walks along beaches and park trails. He is a very important friend in my life, and I am lucky to know such a kind soul. Things aren't well with my family, so I really need that kind of presence.
While I rely on my bicycle for transport (no car), it's not a problem for me. I've been riding bikes since I was in elementary school (maybe even before). It would be really nice to ride down some trails with you.
What I expect from you:
-You need to be a follower of Jesus Christ. God needs to be an active part of your life because I intend to raise our children under Biblical values.
-You need hobbies and interests apart from me. I'm fine with helping you find things you like.
-You need to have no mileage.
-You must be humble and respectful. "Boss babe" attitudes are not attractive to me.
-You cannot have any tattoos or piercings.
-No cosmetic products. It's not good for your body and I am attracted women, not makeup. This includes fake nails and fake eyelashes. I don't need you to look "pretty." You character is more important to me.
-Related to the previous, no use of image filters in photos. I do not like the type of people who are vain and vapid enough to feel the need to use filters on their photos.
-Again related to the previous, you need to have a limited social media presence. If you have a business or post something of value (like art, for example), then I have no problem. What I'm talking about is having an Instagram or Facebook account where you make random posts to nobody in particular to "update" the internet on your life or post tons of pictures of yourself online. Basing your self-worth on the comments and likes from strangers on the internet is unhealthy, and I find people's obsessive need to take pictures of themselves very unattractive and vain.
-If we marry, I expect you treat me as the head of the house. There can't be two leaders in a household because one will have to submit to the other.
-I expect you to view marriage as something that you put work into. Marriages are a team effort, so I expect you to be a help meet.
-You need to treat me like a partner, not an adversary. Getting into arguments and nagging me helps neither of us. You must have conflict-resolution skills and a solution mindset.
-You need excellent communication skills. This means understanding yourself, putting your thoughts into words other people can understand, and verbalizing things rather than expecting me to read your thoughts.
-You cannot play games with me. Telling me about other guys to make me jealous or planning dates for specific days to pressure me into committing to you are wicked and manipulative.
-While we are dating, you cannot have a "backup plan." I expect you to not be splitting your attention between me and other men. This includes spending time outside of work with other men (family excluded).
-You must be in shape. Don't be dishonest with yourself about your weight; check your BMI. This includes being underweight, anorexic, and bulimic.
-You cannot have taken any COVID-19 vaccinations from any provider.
-No smoking, drugs, or drunkenness.
-I expect you to completely renounce fast food if we date or marry. We will never feed our children McDonald's.
What you can expect from me:
-While we are dating, I will not be speaking to other women.
-I cannot meet your height, money, or attractiveness expectations. I am simply an average dude. I am critical, abstract, and imaginative in my thinking though.
-I will not ask you to do something that is unreasonable or demeaning. I will only ask of you what I expect from myself. No relationship is going to be 50/50 100% of the time, but I will put forth the effort I am able to. I expect the same out of you.
-I will not raise my hand against you. My hands will be a safe place for you.
-I will be available to listen to your troubles and help you bear through them.
-I will not demean you or humiliate you, whether or not you are in the room.
-I will show leadership in our house and exercise restraint with a mild temper.
-I will cherish you and treat you as my own body.
-I will devote myself to displaying my love for you in a language you understand, even if I am feeling distant from you because of troubles we face. I expect the same from you.
-I will not turn to another woman and betray you.
-I intend to keep every promise that I make with you.
-I will treat our children with patience and kindness, but diligently discipline them and instruct them appropriately.
Please tell me a bit about yourself and what you expect out of a relationship, but be practical and clear. A list of platitudes like "loyal, honest, etc" does not help me understand what you're looking for. Think about what your expectations look like in a tangible, everyday way.

Why do women always treat me like crap? I think I do everything the opposite of what society tells me to do… being the nice guy doesn’t really pay off lol. No matter what woman it is that says they like u eventually they just lose interest and on to the next man. Like I’m some source of entertainment in their brains… I just don’t get it. You may have seen previous posts of mine I never had a gf yes… I can’t even get friends and I have had way worser experiences with women over men just talking to “generally speaking”. Why is this women? Do u just get bored when a guy shows u to much attention? And the problem is it’s not like it’s only some women like this… it’s all women guys they all eventually get bored of u when u show them ur interested. The quote treat them like a celebrity and they’ll treat you like a fan is so true and relates to me so much even tho I don’t idolize women… I still get treated like I’m some fan for showing interest i officially gave up on dating I’m really sick and tired of all of women’s bs excuses and lies that they like attention and complain about not getting loved… when there r so many guys out there that just want a loving relationship and marriage… ik for a fact they do because I met a lot of guys like that but we never get a chance lol so pls everyone stop spreading lies to us guys saying we will find love eventually. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. I wish I was born in a generation where technology isn’t involved and maybe then I would have my dream of actually meeting someone who loves me for who I am but honestly guys we r hopeless out here. Yes I agree with women too I’m not a misogynist by no means. A lot of guys suck and are horny and lustful but with that being said… there is a lot of guys out here like me who just want to love on a woman for the rest of our lives… I genuinely don’t understand why no one in this world thinks like me because women find me crazy like I’m some sort of monster when I speak about feelings… needless to say I genuinely believe I’m destined for no hope and no love but atleast I have God… no friends, no lover, no loving family but it’s cool because God is all u need remember dat ppl. Much love to all of yall out there and God bless I was just speaking what was on my mind ❤️

Hi, David here!
Let's first clarify that by a polarizing personality I don't mean that you should be purposely divisive, blatantly harsh or rude. However, while you should not purposely try to offend, you should at the same time not be afraid of offending by simply being who you truly are.
You may be wondering why being too agreeable can be a bad or unattractive trait? Isn't it good to be nice to other people? Sure, it's good to be a nice person, as long as it's not only the result of one of the following two reasons.
The first reason being when a person is only being agreeable because they lack the confidence or strength to stand up to even the slightest confrontation or controversy. Thus acting agreeable is simply a coping mechanism.
The second reason is when a person only acts agreeable in order to try to get something back from another person. This is the typical "nice guy" who wrongly believes that he can barter or buy another person's affection solely via the way he treats them.
Imagine an attractive woman who is used to every guy trying to please her in order to win her over. The one guy who in turn is not desperate for her approval will likely be the one that she finds the most intriguing. Only through first sensing that he is not afraid to lose her approval can she then actually trust anything that comes out of his mouth.
Being polarizing is not about purposely getting into arguments. It's about stating your opinions honestly, and not qualifying your opinion or changing it if the other person disagrees. A person who is very confident and self-secure with themselves and their beliefs does not need to feel that everyone else agrees with them. This of course does not preclude having the willingness to change one's mind when presented with new evidence.
Most people play not to lose instead of playing to win. Thus they hold back in conversation out of fear of saying the wrong thing. More often that not, more attraction will be created through your willingness to be disagreeable than lost due to a difference in opinion.
Don’t actively try to be disagreeable. Rather, simply remove your filters, speak honestly and do not be afraid to say something that others may disagree with. Give others the opportunity to actually get to know the real you.
​
Adding to that, I just finished putting together my dating eBook "How to Date Any Girl" version 4.0 and would LOVE to get some honest feedback from you!
I decided to give it away for free for the time being.
​
The eBook is 27 pages long and gives you a practical step-by-step solution to meeting women (15+ years of knowledge put into it).
You can get the eBook by clicking here!
​
This book is the result of going out and socializing with girls for over a decade. I have put in there all the fundamentals I have learned over that time so I would really appreciate all the feedback I could get!!
​
What are your thoughts? Do you have any tips to add?
Let's discuss in the comments :)
Thanks for reading and have a GREAT day!
Coach David

Before my husband and I married back in July we took a break . We weren't together for 5 months. During that time I did some personal growth and sought life advice from my family and others. I knew I still loved him and the more time passed I knew I wanted to be with him. When we reconnected he also seemed to be happier and happy to hear from me. We started talking again. I had full intention to be back with him and it seemed like he did too. It was about a month back into the relationship that I found out he had been talking to one of his coworkers. They had texted back and forth all day everyday and had hour long phone conversations. Something we had never even done . :( I was devastated. I started to wonder if they had started to talk before I decided I wanted to take a break. He said he was devastated when he heard thats what I wanted but I couldn't and still can't shake the thought that he was interested in someone else even before that. I feel haunted. I'm always thinking maybe he only cut all ties with this other girl and quit his job because he felt obligated too. I had made it very clear that it was me or her.. I later met up with this "other woman." Shes the opposite of me. She's blonde, very thin, and has a "i don't give a f**k attitude " shes also a single mom of three who works hard and takes care of them and herself. I have kids too and do my best. I'm taller, im bigger and I have a lot of self esteem issues . Which I know is a turn off. God I hate it!!! Anyways when I met with her she talked my ear off for over an hour. She swore they never did ANYTHING. they hung out a few times but that was it. He took her and her two boys out to olive garden. Which he swear was not a date. Went to her house.... he says only once, to the bar, and to work related events. People at work were starting to even "joke about them being a couple. Towards the end of our conversation she informed me that she "maybe only did one thing that was wrong." She said that my now husband lent her cash for her boudoir session. She said she sent him a picture after the fact. I REPEAT ONLY ONE PICTURE . she showed me the photo. It was risqué but not nearly as much as the others that had been taken. I freaked out. I said that was wrong and that I wasn't happy about it. My heart broke and still feels broken. Considering we've had some major issues with our sexual life doesn't help. I now feel even worse than I did before we took a break 💔 on top of that he deleted every message, phone call, and any pictures that were taken during the month that we were separated. I'll never know the full extent of what was or wasn't talked about. How he or she felt. I can't help but feel like I already do know. I can't talk about it because we both shut down in our own ways. I think he feels like I already know the truth so he shouldn't have to confirm to make things worse. I should just get over it, right? We were separated, We fought, we sorta worked through it but the unknowns still haunt me. Any personal experiences or advice?

Hey I’m Carl! So I’m tired of the lack of matches on dating apps. I’m not unattractive, but I feel like in order to be successful on the apps you need to be a 10 to stand apart from the crowd. So here I am trying my luck here.
I’m a dad to a 5 year old boy first and foremost so you must be great with children/have your own or want children. My son is my world, but I feel as though I’m ready to add the right woman into the mix! I work full time, pay of my own bills and taxes, have my own car etc. I can cook, clean, change my own brakes and oil, hang picture frames like a pro and reach things on the top shelf for ya ;)
I’m 5’10” 250lbs brown hair brown eyes. I’ve been blessed with a rather fine Dadbod if I do say so myself lol I have a couple tattoos and would love to add more someday. Trying to live a healthier lifestyle so I’ve been meal prepping and working out 3-4 times a week after work. ove baseball and nerdy stuff and craft beer and doing things with my kid:
If any of this sounds appealing to you shoot me a dm. I can send you a sfw picture there since I don’t know how to upload here!

Hey I’m Carl! So I’m tired of the lack of matches on dating apps. I’m not unattractive, but I feel like in order to be successful on the apps you need to be a 10 to stand apart from the crowd. So here I am trying my luck here.
I’m a dad to a 5 year old boy first and foremost so you must be great with children/have your own or want children. My son is my world, but I feel as though I’m ready to add the right woman into the mix! I work full time, pay of my own bills and taxes, have my own car etc. I can cook, clean, change my own brakes and oil, hang picture frames like a pro and reach things on the top shelf for ya ;)
I’m 5’10” 250lbs brown hair brown eyes. I’ve been blessed with a rather fine Dadbod if I do say so myself lol I have a couple tattoos and would love to add more someday. Trying to live a healthier lifestyle so I’ve been meal prepping and working out 3-4 times a week after work. ove baseball and nerdy stuff and craft beer and doing things with my kid:
If any of this sounds appealing to you shoot me a dm. I can send you a sfw picture there since I don’t know how to upload here!

My friend's GF is a 40 year old woman who only eats junk food like chicken wings, cheese pizza, and candy. She doesn't eat vetegables and won't eat healthy food or healthy food. My friend has struggled with weight problems, but was eating a healthy diet until they started dating. Now he's having health problems again because of her refusal to eat anything healthy and insistence he eats with her. It's also causing him social distress because she won't eat anything other than junk food and they can't enjoy meals with other people. He's very attached to her but is the health and social problems are upsetting him and harming hia physcal wellbeing. Is there any advice on how to handle this situation? Thank you.

Hi everyone,
I’m a 30-year-old woman who’s never been in a relationship. I come from a toxic family and have cut all ties with them. Despite this, I put myself through school, work as an accountant from home, and am financially stable. I also suffer from a neurological condition, which requires frequent medication changes and causes significant fatigue and side effects. This makes it hard for me to date or be social.
I want to get into a relationship and eventually create a healthy family of my own, but my health challenges and past trauma make it difficult. I’m not in a rush to get married; I just want to find the right person. I volunteer for charities, attend galas , love photography, blogging ( use to have a fashion blog ), dance and workout when my body permits me to . I travel twice a year and can make gnocchi from scratch lol . Also , people find it hard to believe I have an illness since I do not look like what I’m going through. Most of the things I do are women oriented .
I do feel insecure about not being family oriented and having an illness . I like men who love being outdoors , family oriented and goal oriented. In a perfect world , I would be running marathons, see my family every weekend and feel secured . It feels awkward on dates when men ask me about my life especially my family. I’m in therapy for this since I want to feel better mentally and at peace with my decision of cutting off my family .
How can I put myself out there given my circumstances? Also, what do men think of women who have cut off their toxic families? Where can I meet men ? Are there patient men out there ? lol I no longer use dating apps .
Thanks for any advice or insights!

So I'm a 32M and this relationship just started about 3 or 4 months ago. So it is pretty new. Everything has been really good so far. Except for one issue her mom.
At first her mom was the sweetest woman. Very welcoming, extremely hospitable, those things have never been an issue. However, lately she's gotten weird and is constantly making comments about how much time I spend there. How I should be going to church, and trying to start arguments over my music/political choices.
To expand on a few of those points we will start with how much time I spend there. I have been too my girlfriends house every weekend for the last two months. Sometimes when I come on Sundays I'll leave earlier like 8, but I get there at noon or earlier. To me this is plenty, I have work tomorrow and need some down time too. This relationship is still new and I don't feel like setting the precedent of codependency. Anyway she'll make comments about how I'm always leaving early not spending time there. I personally feel I've been generous with my time. I've seen them way more than my own family.
Number two is the church thing. She's very religious, I'm not at all. Consider myself atheist. She's made many comments about getting married in churches and me joining them on Sundays. I've been very respectful but it's just not something I'm into and I think she keeps bringing it up trying to break me down.
The last is the weird politics and music thing. I really don't have a strong political opinion. I often see both sides and like to joke on both. I hate joe Biden and Donald Trump. I feel like I joke about both evenly. She's a huge trump fan and constantly picks fights with me by making little comments about how trump is the best candidate and I shouldn't treat them as the same or something? Then also I love hip hop. I always have it's apart of my identity and I'm proud of it. She told my girlfriend that it's a shame I listen to hip hop because she thought I was a good person. Which was weird to me. Then since she found it she'll constantly bring up how violent hip hop is. She went to a country concert and the next day kept saying she saw someone got arrested and it "felt like a rap concert" I'm honestly getting offended because it seems obvious it lines up with when she found out.
Anyway I'm just saying all this because the relationship is new. I'm older I'm really not trying to waste my time. My girlfriend is great, but I'm really worried her mom is alittle overbearing for me. I've dated multiple people whose parents were much less involved. Parents always are it's just human nature. But some of this seems excessive to me. I want to make sure I don't waste both of our times and I'm seriously considering moving on while it's still early because this really bothers me.
Thanks for reading!

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So I'm a 32M and this relationship just started about 3 or 4 months ago. So it is pretty new. Everything has been really good so far. Except for one issue her mom.
At first her mom was the sweetest woman. Very welcoming, extremely hospitable, those things have never been an issue. However, lately she's gotten weird and is constantly making comments about how much time I spend there. How I should be going to church, and trying to start arguments over my music/political choices.
To expand on a few of those points we will start with how much time I spend there. I have been too my girlfriends house every weekend for the last two months. Sometimes when I come on Sundays I'll leave earlier like 8, but I get there at noon or earlier. To me this is plenty, I have work tomorrow and need some down time too. This relationship is still new and I don't feel like setting the precedent of codependency. Anyway she'll make comments about how I'm always leaving early not spending time there. I personally feel I've been generous with my time. I've seen them way more than my own family.
Number two is the church thing. She's very religious, I'm not at all. Consider myself atheist. She's made many comments about getting married in churches and me joining them on Sundays. I've been very respectful but it's just not something I'm into and I think she keeps bringing it up trying to break me down.
The last is the weird politics and music thing. I really don't have a strong political opinion. I often see both sides and like to joke on both. I hate joe Biden and Donald Trump. I feel like I joke about both evenly. She's a huge trump fan and constantly picks fights with me by making little comments about how trump is the best candidate and I shouldn't treat them as the same or something? Then also I love hip hop. I always have it's apart of my identity and I'm proud of it. She told my girlfriend that it's a shame I listen to hip hop because she thought I was a good person. Which was weird to me. Then since she found it she'll constantly bring up how violent hip hop is. She went to a country concert and the next day kept saying she saw someone got arrested and it "felt like a rap concert" I'm honestly getting offended because it seems obvious it lines up with when she found out.
Anyway I'm just saying all this because the relationship is new. I'm older I'm really not trying to waste my time. My girlfriend is great, but I'm really worried her mom is alittle overbearing for me. I've dated multiple people whose parents were much less involved. Parents always are it's just human nature. But some of this seems excessive to me. I want to make sure I don't waste both of our times and I'm seriously considering moving on while it's still early because this really bothers me.
Thanks for reading!

I am a 23(F) and I asked out a girl i really like in my university over IG, at first our conversation was fine but then she ghosted me and now it gets super awkward when i meet her by coincidence (at least for me). i am a gay woman, i never learned to approach someone nor even thought about the possibility of doing it, but here i am at 23 years old starting to do the first move, because if i don’t no one will, (and i hate dating apps) Anyway this just a little rant, approaching girls is a fucking HARD thing especially if you’re an anxious person, kudos to you men, and please any advice on how to deal with rejection/ghosting

After you dumped him provided it wasn’t a horrible cheating or abuse situation .did you miss him? .did you think about him often? .how long before you dated someone else? .do you regret it?
My gf dumped me after 5 years she’s 36F I’m 35M
Just trying to get a woman’s perspective I guess I’m wondering if she misses me as much as I miss her….

Also posted on datingadviceformen, but I could use all the info I can get.
I’m 26M and in the past year and a half this has happened 12 times. I get to know a woman, and eventually try to date her. When it comes time for bed, I am honest and say I’m inexperienced, to which they always just leave. Some even get mad at me for “wasting their time”.
If this happened once, twice, or even five times — I probably wouldn’t be posting about it on two subs now. But because it happened TWELVE times, I’m honestly wondering how I’m gonna get over this hump.
I don’t like one night stands, but if I have to live in another state for a short time to find one or more hookups and get experience that way, I’ll do it. Better than paying for it (I hear escorts don’t usually teach, just bang and take off).
Late bloomers, how did you do it?

I’ve been browsing dating apps and it seems I’m looking for the unicorn woman. I’ve been out of the dating world for a very long time, and I’m finding it really hard to meet anyone that’s not an alcoholic or strictly a dog person. Where are all my chill cat women at?

My name is Dr. Smith, not my real name of course, but for purposes of storytelling it will have to suffice. I have been practicing medicine at an Asian country as a general practitioner. I'm relatively new and I practice at a small village, not too far from civilization, half a day's travel by car and a few hours by boat from the country's capital, but very rural nonetheless, complete with superstitious beliefs and customs. I decided to stay here when I first graduated and passed the licensure exam for two reasons: first, I have a place to stay here, my family's ancestral home (although none of my direct relatives have lived there for years), said ancestors being one of the first people to settle in the area and second, because my family had always been the physicians in this small community as far as anyone remembers. Me, my grandfather and his father before him all went to the city to study medicine and went back here to practice it, like there was a pull, a calling, to sacrifice the convenient, fast-paced city life for the quiet and serene. My mother hated the idea, as clingy as she is to me, saying things like she wanted me to always be around where she could protect me, but you can't really help it when purpose calls. To be honest, it feels good providing a wide range of services to the honest people of our small, humble town, no greater feeling than helping the less privelaged, educating them and dispelling preconceived notions and old wives tales which are aplenty in my country, especially here.
I still recall how everything began. I made a makeshift clinic at one of the rooms of my ancestral home, it used to be my grandfather's office, but it felt old, antique, and perhaps too... professional, nothing wrong with that, but I wanted my patients to feel a more homely setting. So, I rearranged a bit, removed the imposing self portrait of my great-grandfather wearing his white coat that hang on the wall and transferred it to a more private area of the house. I changed the dim, barely functioning lights into brighter, more modern ones, removed the exceedingly extravagant chandelier and equipped the room with materials and equipment that I deemed necessary for my practice. I retained the wooden floors, but outfitted the walls with charts and more colorful decorations, in anticipation for the occasional pediatric patient. It was beginning to look less like an old abandoned house where teenagers went for the spooks and more like a place of healing and betterment, a clean place offering a clean mind...or so I hope.
"Your grandfather would have a heart attack if he wasn't dead already, seeing what you've done with his old clinic" quipped Martha, our housekeeper. All I know about Martha is that my grandfather hired her as a young teen and she has been here since then, she babysat and raised my mother as her own, and even took care of me as a toddler. Considering her age, she mostly supervises the younger and more capable help rather than doing tasks herself. None of them stay at the house, but they get called upon when me or any of my relatives were expected. Most of the family consider her as one of our own at this point.
"Well i'm sure great grandpa on the other hand enjoys the change of view" I replied jokingly. "Besides, I bet the patients would appreciate not being treated in such a dark, gloomy room."
"You know how your grandfather was..." she replies, that the idea of a dark, gloomy, old man liking dark, gloomy, old places was a no brainer. "...but everything aside, it is so nice to see you again, have you been feeling better? What did your mother think of you staying here?" she said with what I felt as outmost sincerity, "I used to chase and carry you around this estate and now look at you, about to carry out your family's legacy as a physician yourself" she continued, with a hint of pride from her tone.
I smiled. I myself couldn't think of a reason why a well respected man, revered even, by this town and it's people for everything he has done would act nonchalant and depressed, always with a jaded look in his eyes and stay in an equally dim and depressing part of his house, I've always known him to be like that, but was he always?
"I am better now. It's good to see you too, I'm glad you're staying healthy, and mom sure did not like it but well...she told me to say hi on her behalf" I told Martha. She beams up and smiles on my mother's mention.
"Well...I took the liberty of digging up your grandfather's documents, records and his patient charts, I doubt many of them still live but I thought maybe you'd like to have a look, I placed them around your desk but I can relocate them if you want me to"
"No, that's perfect. That's something I actually intended to do, i'll give it a read, thank you" I replied. I know some of those patients were either old or probably dead to be honest, but seeing data as well as the cases my grandfather had to deal with might help me in the future.
"The villagers already know Dr. Smith's grandson is here, they know you're a doctor, so expect to have a patient one of these days, perhaps as soon as you give the word that your clinic is open" Martha said, as she walks out of the room smiling and slightly waving, signalling a goodbye.
"I'm not even surprised" I think to myself. Places like these, words spreads like wildfire on topics like these, the idea of someone from a known family, coming back from the city, not to mention deciding to stay indefinitely, like the whole village needed notification, like the village demands explanation.
Hours passed and as I was satisfied with my new setup for the clinic, I took a break, sitting down and looking at the mountain of paperwork and folders placed on and around my desk. I picked one, thinking to myself that I might as well have a look now, with nothing else of note to do.
Patient #010438 Name redacted 43/Female
History of present illness: Patient had 3 day history of undocumented fever, dysuria, and bilateral flank pain Did not seek consult, no medications taken
Past Medical History Unremarkable
Personal and Social History Unremarkable
OB history illegible
Physical Examination BP 110/80 HR 102 RR 20
Nonhyperemic tonsils No murmurs Clear breath sounds Nontender abdomen (+) Kidney punch test
Noted a signature of the patient claiming she was not pregnant as a form of waiver
"Jesus grandpa, couldn't your history and physical exam get any lazier?" I thought to myself. Seeing pertinent history not asked and multiple organ systems ignored on physical examination. Given, some of the writing were already faded, the quality of the paper had deteriorated greatly, and plenty of details already illegible, all in all the documents weren't that bad. It sure doesn't help though that he writes like someone in the middle of a warzone practicing heiroglyphs.
I skimmed through more of the documents and patient files, most of the cases are relatively benign, majority are outpatient visits, some are emergency cases and there are the rare ones requiring transfer to a more developed town hours from here with better services and equipment. Time passed and as I lay down the last folder in a pile, I noticed a moderately sized box, probably the size of a briefcase, placed on the floor, dusty but obviously ornate. It piqued my interest although in my mind, I was pretty sure it was nothing but more documents, I decided to give it a look.
I picked a stack up and I started to read:
Patient #00512c Name redacted 32/Female
"Weird" I thought, it was numbered differently, and definitely none of the other documents were lettered. I continued reading:
History of present illness: This is a case of a 32 year old female who came in on date redacted due to a chief complaint of multiple hematomas, abrasions, burn wounds and lacerations on her face, trunk and extremeties..."
"Trauma? An accident? Possible abuse?" I contemplated.
"...patient allegedly noticed easy bruisability 2 weeks prior to consult, followed by alleged spontaneous appearance of abrasions and lacerations 2-3 days from onset of bruising, supposedly waking the patient at night due to the sudden sharp and searing pain, initially small cuts 3-5cm widest on her extremeties and face but eventually progressing to deep cuts measuring approximately 10-50cm on her back, chest, abdomen and lower extremeties. 1 week prior to consult, patient started noticing burning sensations on her skin, causing extreme pain and leaving reddish burn marks on her body, patient also experienced lack of appetite and inability to sleep due to loud voices and..."
"Spontaneous appearance? Easy bruising could be a lot of things, but for it to occur with 'spontaneous' abrasions and lacerations? Not to mention burn marks?" I thought out loud, having doubts about the credibility of the use of the word "spontaneous". Surely it was not an accident, considering it started 2 weeks ago with noted progression. "It could be a hematologic problem with the bruising, but that wouldn't explain the sudden appearance of cuts...maybe accompanied by a dermatologic one, the patient is prone to breaks in the skin? But then again the burn marks...the voices..." I analyzed. I was leaning towards abuse, where the cuts and bruises were inflicted by someone else and the abused, whether in some form of fear or coping, decides that it was "spontaneous" rather than inflicted, but why bother lying to yourself, perhaps the one who did it to her is a partner? Or a loved one? It made sense, someone progressively becoming more aggressive with her as time went by, becoming more and more extreme, from bruises to eventually burning.
It could a combination of illnesses to be honest, one on top of another, perhaps an overly sensitive or extremely dry skin that breaks and peels until it bleeds, an allergic reaction prompting the patient to unconciously scratch till her skin became red and lichenified, voices due to lack of sleep or a mental disorder. But looking at my grandfather's physical examination of her, none of the findings solidifies the possibility of those i've mentioned. Truth be told I also partially allowed myself to tunnel vision on the prospect of an abuse, to the point I've skipped some of the chart's contents that I deemed weren't important and tried to look for information to support my claim, or perhaps to disprove it, rookie mistake, but well, I am a rookie then.
"Patient is widowed, lives alone at a secluded area near redacted, only goes out to buy some necessities from redacted but has very minimal interaction from anyone in the village"
Okay then, either she is hiding the fact someone was with her, who is abusing her like I initially thought of, or it's self harm. "I'm pretty sure grandpa considered everything that went through my mind right now. Let me check his initial impression" I thought, with a tinge of annoyance, considering I felt that the patient lied to my grandfather, and was lying to me, decades after the fact.

1 Trauma, to consider physical abuse versus self harm;

"Alright, now we're getting somewhere" I said to myself, with a bit of pride having the same thought process as a physician with decades more experience than I do.

2 To consider mental disorder, probably psychotic - premature dementia

I chuckled. Premature dementia, didn't think i'd see that term, I thought everyone including those from his time would have used schizophrenia already, then again medicine and medical knowledge isn't as easily passed around as it is now. Psychiatry as a science would be relatively new during his time compared to other disciplines so the fact he considered it based on the patient hearing "voices"? Bravo gramps.
"Well...", I thought to myself, "...plenty of things to consider and rule out, let me check what else is there." A bit of cockiness on picking my grandfather's brain out and feeling good about my train of thought, a practice consult and so far, I'm on my way to a perfect score...

3. To consider possession probably secondary to malevolent spirit

.................
I gave the document a stern look, unmoving, unblinking, emotionless. Time has stopped, and I haven't noticed. My brain trying to digest the information, the same way my stomach would probably digest a block of steel...it's just not possible. I read one of my grandfather's diagnosis again:

3 To consider possession probably secondary to malevolent spirit

I never been one for faith. Evidence is everything. Science is everything. You can replicate it, you can prove it. Most importantly...It. Makes. Sense. I look at beliefs not based on evidence and feel nothing but skepticism if not disdain. Why won't people listen to expert opinion? Why won't people believe in facts? Why explain the unknown in such convoluted ways, requiring submission of oneself when the only thing the truth requires is but comprehension. I looked at that diagnosis feeling disappointment.
Then I felt anger. "Grandpa, what the fuck is wrong with you?!" I thought to myself. Here is a woman, full of bruises, cuts and burns all over her body, claiming that she has been suffering for weeks, barely eats or sleeps, was having auditory hallucinations, in dire need of medical, if not emotional and psychological support and one of the things that comes across your mind is possession.
I tried to calm my mind, these are records of the past anyway, I thought. Maybe it was a resignation born out of incompetence. Maybe grandpa wasn't as good of a doctor as I thought he was, that the shortcomings of his knowledge and limited technology of his time prompted him to adopt a more...liberal viewpoint to medicine. Maybe he was just superstitious himself. Maybe the people of this place had leaked some of their local beliefs into his psyche. Maybe isolation changed the man. Or maybe...just maybe...there's something to it.
I've never been one for faith. That goes for my faith in science as well. To just say that something is stupid because it doesn't align with standard, accepted scientific belief is just as detrimental as its counterpart.
I decided to investigate further when I heard the entrance to the room open with force. One of the maids leaning onto the wall by the entrance, still grasping the doorknob and evidently out of breath.
"Sir...ma'am Martha...calling...for you...says...it's...it's...an emergency..." She says in between breaths.
I quickly stood up, feeling sorry for the woman, she just ran, obviously gasping for air as she arrived at the clinic and now has to lead me back to wherever she came from with the same urgency. At first I was worried something might have happened with Martha, what the maid said didn't really give much clarity, but upon arriving at the main hall I noticed Martha, standing beside a middle aged man and woman, carrying a child, no more than 10 years old. I notice the clear panic and worry on both of their eyes as the man held the boy, who was uncontrollably shaking.
"I know you're not taking any patients yet and I was considering the time, but nobody knows what to do so I..." Martha explains, quite concerned while I ordered the parents to put the child flat on the ground, with me assessing the situation. The first thing I noticed was that the child was burning hot, "possibly febrile seizure? No, too old" I thought. I asked both the parents important details while I ordered the other maid to time the duration of the child's seizure. All the while thinking of possible diseases that may present as such, "Seizure disorder? Epilepsy? Meningitis? Encephalitis?" Eventually the shaking stopped, much to the parents' relief, and I ordered them to carry the boy as we made our way back to the clinic.
"Was this the first time it ever happened?" I inquired, as I put the child on one of the beds in the clinic, securing the corners with additional pillows, noticing the sunken face and apparent exhaustion from the boy, possibly due to the ongoing fever and the recent seizure episode. Once secured, I face the parents and continued my inquiries, I eventually explained everything, elaborating on what I believe happened, I explained that for now, lowering the fever and investigating the source were what we could address, the battery of tests I plan to do (disappointingly, most of them cannot be done here, and I would have to accompany them to a hospital on another town as soon as first light breaks), and the medications and management I plan to give. Everything proceeded as planned and I asked both parents to relax and take a breather, offering them a seat and asking the help to give them water.
Things eventually settled, little Johnny's fever subsided and color came back to him. Nowhere near clear, he can worsen anytime, but that was the best that we could do at that time. The parents were still worried, understandably so, but to an extent reassured, we have a plan after all. Martha, as well as Diane (the help from earlier), now at a calmer state. We discussed the plan, how we would travel, who would accompany us and what we would bring. Eventually, our conversations became relaxed, started to shift to other things, trivial matters, such as were they lived in the village, the date and time of my arrival, recent gossip, where Martha was more than happy to share.
"I was worried the evil spirits might have gotten my baby..." Said the mother nonchalantly, as we talked about the occurrence on a lighter note. "...that's how they got Mrs. Johnson's middle child. That poor boy was never the same after."
I smiled. Not wanting to immediately correct them and sound like an uptight individual. It's part of our culture afterall, old belief systems and a way for people to cope with loss or difficulty, who was I to deny them that. I won't approach these people the hardheaded way, but I will slowly show them the realities and truths of the things they may not understand, well, at least with regards to their health.
"Well, little Johnny is safe here, we'll do what we can" pointing to their son.
Only, their son wasn't where he was supposed to be. I look at the parents, I look at both Martha and Diane, everyone who looked at where I pointed were just as shocked as I was, a split second of silence before panic ensued. Suddenly, everyone stood up on high alert and was looking everywhere. Under covers, under the bed, corners of the room, the desk, behind curtains, hell, I saw Diane look at one of the damn drawers, as if a 10 year old would fit there.
Suddenly I heard loud vomiting, retching, followed by sounds of splashing. I follow where the sounds came from and see a large pool of black, tarry liquid at a corner of my room. I slowly trace where it was coming from and there he was...little Johnny...standing...upside down...on the ceiling.
I hear everyone in the room scream, I was probably screaming too, I couldn't remember. I do remember little Johnny screaming with us though, extremely high pitched and mockingly, with bloodshot eyes, upside down, while black liquid poured from his mouth, covering his face and dripping from his hair. How was that even possible, screaming while liters of unknown fluid dripped from his mouth? I don't know.
Then he laughed, although I was pretty sure that wasn't his voice. It was deep and guttural, it cannot be the boy's voice, it cannot be any boy's voice.
Time seemed to move in slow motion, I was noticing every detail, every expression from everyone's face, I can feel the seconds hand on my wall clock move, the slow dripping of the viscous dark liquid from little Johnny, I can feel every drop of sweat on my body. I could not cope with what i'm experiencing, was it a trick of the mind, an organized prank, have I gone mad...again? So I did the only thing I know how to do...
I tried to diagnose.
"Maybe it was dengue shock all along!" I thought to myself. "Vomiting blood, paleness, fever, an episode of seizure and definitely change in sensorium" I reasoned to myself. I was coping, and I was coping hard. I was ready to drown on my self absorbtion when a booming voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
"YOU DUMB FUCK, WILL ANY ILLNESS EXPLAIN WHY YOUR FUCKING PATIENT IS HANGING UPSIDE DOWN ON THE FUCKING CEILING?" Said little Johnny, or at least whoever was speaking on his behalf, because from where I'm standing, I can clearly see that the boy was not mouthing any of the words he said.
"YOU'RE A FUCKING FAILURE, DOCTORS LIKE YOU SHOULD KILL THEMSELVES! HAHAHAHA" he laughed, I never knew laughs could sound like that, as if the words were nails, and his voice box a chalkboard.
"OH WAIT, YOU FAILED AT THAT TOO DOC! FUCKING PATHETIC!"
Of all the things that were happening...a young boy hanging upside down, a mother crying on the floor hysterically, a father staring at his son, eyes wide open and mouth agape, Martha and Diane, both crying while sharing a rosary, in the act of what I assume to be prayer...the thing that snapped me out of my trance was the words that came from little Johnny. Knowledge nobody but the closest to me should know. A secret I planned to leave behind when I left the city, a wound I intended to forget as I started anew.
Visions of my memories came flashing back...medical school...overwhelming duty...familial expectations...failure...depression...my attempt...a bottle of medications...my mother...crying...on my bedside...
"LEAVE MY SON ALONE!" Johnny's father screamed. Starling everyone in the room.
Nothing matters, the past is in the past, I am better now, and that boy needs help, more than anything.
"YOUR SON? WHY DON'T WE ASK THAT CRYING WHORE IF JOHNNY REALLY IS YOUR SON" The voice says, laughing.
At that point the mother stops crying, looks up towards johnny, then towards his husband, in a state of shock. Like what the voice said is crazier than whatever was happening at the moment.
"THE ONLY REASON THAT WHORE STUCK WITH YOU WAS BECAUSE JOHNNY'S REAAAAAAAL FATHER WOULD NOT TAKE HER!" The entity says, continuing the hysteric laughter.
We were being played. It was toying with us. And from the look on the mother's face...it seems like little Johnny did not even need to lie to do it.
Then, to everyone's horror..."It" started to run.
It ran across the ceiling in a rabid frenzy, erratic and forceful, running and jumping, hopping sideways then going on all fours, still attached to the ceiling, splashing bile and blood all over the room, all the while making a "hihihi" sound...childish and terrifying. It ran and ran, repeating the same erratic change in movements, repeating the same eerie giggle until it reached the window, stopping and standing straight, it stared outside for what felt like forever...then all of a sudden...johnny just fell, like whatever was attaching him to the ceiling just gave, headfirst into the floor, giving a very audible cracking sound.
I heard a gasp from johnny's mother. I can at least detect some miniscule chest expansion, but that cracking sound cannot be anything good. As if thinking the same thing, Martha, who was the nearest to where Johnny fell, while still clinging tightly to Diane's rosary, approached the boy.
"Johnny?" She said softly, all the while approaching an inch at a time.
As she was almost at arms length of the boy's body, she gives the mother a knowing look, confirming that he was breathing. Martha suddenly produces a piece of cloth from one of the pockets of her uniform, possibly to pack the bleeding from the head. She intended to put the cloth on top of the boy's head, but looked towards my direction, urging me forward, perhaps for me to place it properly. I walk towards the boy, takes the cloth from Martha and as I fold the cloth to circle Johnny's cranium with Martha's help, the boy immediately sat up, looks at Martha and smiles ear to ear...literally ear to ear.
"GET YOUR WRINKLY HANDS OFF ME YOU DUSTY OLD FUCK!" He barks at her, Martha screams in fear and I was taken aback.
That was all the time Johnny needed to stand and jump towards the window, breaking it and running towards the mountainside. I hear his father scream his name, quickly breaking more glass so he could fit, and immediately giving chase. The mother was still on the floor, wailing towards the direction of her child and husband. Martha, in shock, still holding the cloth she intended to wrap johnny with.
It took me a while to notice Diane shaking me vigorously. "Doctor!" She screams. "Doctor Smith! What should we do!?" She voices out, with obvious desperation.
I ignored her.
I feel scared, but taking all into consideration, I predominantly feel tired. Defeated. Insulted.
I have nothing more to give in the face of whatever that thing that took Johnny was.
I slowly walk towards my desk, I open my drawer, I take a piece of paper and I pull out my pen.
Patient #00001a Name redacted 10/M
I write, giving no thoughts to the people on the same room as me, those left behind by little Johnny and his father. "Did he catch up to him? Was the boy alright now?...is his father alright?" I wonder. I'll find out soon enough, I figured, rumors spread like wildfire around here anyways.
I continued to write with resignment, absorbed in my own little world, consumed by the horror I witnessed, the breaking of my spirit, of my beliefs, the questioning of my knowledge. I want to escape it, deny it, but that's not what should be done to the truth. So I surrendered.

1 To consider possession probably secondary to malevolent spirit

END

I am not crying but I do want to cry for days now but I can‘t? It‘s like feeling numb
Even though I have supportive friends and a family they sometimes don‘t know how to handle it
My best friend doesn‘t know what to answer me when I come to her about such things
My mum doesn‘t know how to respond either other than just listening and hugging me
I don‘t and haven‘t had therapy for a while bcs I just got out of a mental hospital(went there everyday and then back home) and am searching for a therapist right now.
(For ages: I‘m 17 and the people referred in the story are 15)
Now: I have had relationships, they ended all good somewhat, I‘m still friends with close to all of my exes(except one) or I have had a talk with them about our relationship and now we send texts to each other here and then
So, when I was at the mental hospital I met two girls. At first I thought one of them was really cute then the other confessed she liked me. I got really confused and gave a lot of thought to things and chose to go on a date with the one who was interested in me. (I wanted to go on a date with both but i never got to ask the other girl bcs she always was picke by her grandma and I didn’t find the right time to ask her) I mean, a date wont be bad to figure out I‘d like either of them??? (To be clear: I thought that both of them are cute. Nothing really more) the way that the girl who thought she had feelings for me gave me attention and love made me like her. For the other one, she knew from the start I thought both were cute. I constantly felt like an ass kind of leading them on, I wont excuse myself for that. At the date I had(I‘ll refer to the girl who liked me a lot as Amy(not real name)) with amy, she shortly, before the date happened m, asked if 2 other friends could tag along. I made another mistake by saying alright(I thought she was scared and needed backup or sum) the first girl(gonna call her coral) did not show much interest. She said she thought I was cute too and always tagged along anywhere we went. This is the first time I had something with a girl. I did know I was bi/omni before that but it was real knowing I don‘t only simp for attractive woman online, but also wanting something in real life. Since coral didn‘t show much interest and there was a spark between me and amy I asked amy to be my gf. After some weeks I broke it off with her because I noticed things about her that I couldn‘t like. I thought about that every day, why I didn‘t like these things even though I liked her and we had a healthy relationship(communication, honesty, meet ups and all that). Coral also was in the back of my mind so I told amy all this and why I thought it was better that way. She was pissed at coral, understandable, but I wanted her to know it wasn‘t coral‘s fault but mine at leading her on. I was playing with her and I really hate that I did that. After 3 weeks of our breakup I did write amy once or twice, as friends tho, also leaving her be and letting her heal. Again I know that what I did was wrong and I‘m a dick here
After that I asked coral how her pov about all that was. She said she thought I was cute, I did chose amy over her and we are friends, but it didn‘t bother her. I asked if she still had interest in me and she said yes. So I apologized for doing what I did and asked if she wanted to go on a date, she said yes and I think it was fun.(before I asked her, some weeks went by and since we saw eachother every day I did feel like I started having a crush on her. I told her that face to face and she was happy and said she was really happy about that. It was also my last week at the mental hospital, so yeah) We went to her place bcs I wanted to drop her off and she lived like 15 minutes away(I live like an hour away). I was invited and had a fun talk with her fam and her until I needed to go home. I wrote her that I had fun and hoped she did too, she said she enjoyed it. A week later or si I went to visit the mental hospital to greet her and some friends who stayed like 2 weeks longer. I like to write silly letters with feelings bcs it‘s one of my love languages. I wrote her one and gave it to her, on it was a questiom saying if I could take her on another date. I put boxes and she didn‘t answer them. I asked her if she and everything was alright, then she told me she might like someone else too. Just needed to figure out if it‘s platonic or not. She also said she liked the attention I give her and that she never really know‘s if she likes the people or not; and that she struggled with selflove and needed time to get herself fixed before a relationship. I accepted that and told her she can have enough time as she needs and that I‘ll be waiting and that she doesn‘t need to stress abt me waiting. We‘ll have some sort of break. Only thing I‘d want is to still be able to meet her so her decision about me was easier.(it‘s similar to mine from before, I didn‘t have enough time to get to know either of them) Ok reading the last sentence makes me sound like I wanted enough time with both until I chose the better one, which isn‘t true. I only wanted to figure out if I liked either if them that way. And they knew. She did agree and we stayed in kind of low contact I did ask if I stepped over any comfort zone She said no I didn‘t want to push the answer So, yeah. Weeks after, when I felt I was allowed to ask without stepping over the line, I asked if she knows already and if she does like me back. If she likes me or that other friend of hers. I said: „Hey, if you want we can be open friends(not wanting to stress her to answer again) as in if we figure things out we tell eachother and see where it takes us? Cuz I still I like you. Like a lot. More than before bcs I keep thinking about you but I don‘t want to stress you or bother you :)“ Her: „yeah we can be friends but just so you know I have feelings for someone else.“
Hit me like a brick. Bcs all those weeks I did know there might be someone else but it didn‘t feel like she would lead me on. Should have seen it coming lol
I took that and stayed friends. I did stop writing her as much as I did before, but we did play video games here and then, today we did and I noticed her bio on her discord saying „I lov my gf“ My heart sank to my feet and I excused myself from our call. Her telling me she needed to fix herself with self love felt like a lie? Like that was fast- was I pushing???
I get that this is karma and I always knew this was a possibility but I guess I should have just not have contact with her at all after she told me she didn‘t like me like that My bad
Sorry again I just needed to tell someone before I start self blame and pity again Though, was it entirely my bad? Did I push her? Was it because I made that huge mistake and chose amy even though I didn‘t know amy as much as I thought?? Was it ok for her to make me feel we‘ll have smt or if I was to oblivious to anything she might have made or said?
I don‘t pity myself, I‘m just overthinking and dn‘t want to keep botteling this up inside me
Thanks if you have read this far! (I‘m genderfluid, mostly girl btw) (Reminder to drink water🏃)