Holiday message to boyfriend

So, this is going to be long winded. I don’t have anyone in my life I can comfortably talk to about this, so I’m just going to get it all out here. I met my ex about 5 years ago, we dated for a bit over two and a half years overall. At first things were pretty great, honestly have never felt so into someone before or since then. We got along, had amazing conversations, and overall, we just really clicked. Unfortunately, her ex-boyfriend was harassing both of us during all of this which was stressful for obvious reasons. He was abusive to her when they were dating, definitely not a good dude. It didn’t ruin things for us though, we just went along and dealt with it when we had to. Usually it was just an occasional message from him saying stupid shit or something like that, nothing super horrible. After maybe 8 or so months, I found out she cheated on me with that ex. Nothing physical but the conversations they had were personal. Looking back on everything, it seems it had a lot to do with aforementioned abuse, nothing continued between them after me and her broke up. Several months after, we saw each other in public and talked a bit, then we hung out with mutual friends together. We hung out alone after that, and eventually rekindled our relationship. We went on for a while after that, I felt okay about things for a while, but eventually the thoughts about what happened inserted themselves into my mind more and more. It became unbearable, and to preserve my as much as I could, I left. I don’t think I explained my perspective on things very well when it all happened, and immediately tried to cope and fill the void in me with relationships, they never lasted, and only made my life messier. I’ve spent a lot of time over the last several years being more mindful, and trying to heal from various things. Generally, I’m just trying to be a better person overall. Lots of areas of my life have been drastically improved thankfully. I am a busy guy travel a good amount and have a job I enjoy. However, I CANNOT stop thinking about my ex and our relationship. I have thought every thought i could ever have about it. I am not upset at her, I understand what I should have done differently on my side. I forgive her (for real this time) and look at her side with more understanding. Lots of these things came with time and healing more from the experience. I worked on many things with my therapist. But for the life of me I cannot stop thinking about her and our relationship, I can’t help but miss her. In relationships since then, I can’t help but think of her. It makes me feel like a real piece of shit. I have accepted and know fully that we will not be getting back together, she has her own life she is living, and I’m not going to selfishly interrupt her life in any way. I genuinely wish I could let go and continue with my life.
Because of all this, I feel like a weirdo and creepy. Even though I’m not inserting myself into her life, it just makes me feel like I’m somehow doing something wrong thinking about her as much as I do.
All of this has also made dating difficult for obvious reasons.
Anyways. I’m not expecting any solutions but this has been very hard to deal with the last several years so I needed to get it off of my chest.

My (22F) boyfriend (26M) has a female coworker who he is friends with and I’ve had this feeling for a while that she likes him. I’ve never really had this feeling or been jealous like this before and so I’m not sure how to bring it up to him. They’re friends and have hung out with other coworkers outside of work a couple of times and I was fine with stuff like that. There are a few things though that have led me to think that she has feelings for him. My bf doesn’t really do a lot for his birthday and gifts are not a big deal to him, but last year she got him a gift from a show he likes, while other coworkers didn’t get him anything. (This was just weird to me because I wouldn’t do this for a coworker unless they were having a party or something) She messages him quite a bit, he doesn’t respond much or will just react to the message. We’ve gone over to his workplace on his off days and his coworkers will come and say hi to him and this girl will be excited to hear that he’s there and then the minute she sees me, she gets visibly less excited. We went to the movies with a few of his coworkers and this girl and his parents happened to be there the same night, before the movie started he briefly pointed out his coworkers to his parents and most of them just waved to his parents, she got up and introduced herself to them. Most recently, she joined this online game that my bf plays, I’m not a big fan of shooting games so I don’t play this with him but they’ve been playing and I found out that it’s just been the two of them playing when they were supposed to be playing with another coworker of theirs.
Am I overthinking/ looking too much into this? And if not, how do I bring this up to him? Thank you for any advice in advance!

I apologize in advance for the length of this behemoth Story time Reddit: Last night I was chilling at a camp grounds in upstate NYC and this really cute bartender was on her first day ever for the job, anyways I didn’t even notice her until a community dinner at 6pm when she got some food and went to the bar to get ready for the night because us folks at the camp were gonna party till LATE I’m 18M turning 19 and I had aspirations to be a bartender myself in the familiar country of Mexico where my family operates a gin booze business. she 22F just turned and I was eager to Yk like ask her how her first day on the jobs going right? Now I time goes by we all just chilling having dinner and our rolls out some Gigachad kitchen employees with dessert and everybody fiends the fucking ice cream sandwich bars and I hastily think about the fellow bartenders out the back of the building (it’s the girl I’m taking about whose new and one other girl whom is basically her chaperone because they are her aunt) approach the bar with 2 ice cream sandwiches asking if they wanted the last stock of what remained of dessert 😂 they politely decline and I just give them away to my boys and walk back to the main cafeteria area and around 5 minutes pass people start to clear out and I not really a drinker and not of age to drink in the US (although I have been to other countries to bars that you don’t need to be 21 to drink all fine) Sit down at the bar with the 2 bartender ladies, i start yapping about all the musical bullshit I do in life and the video game I’m developing and whatnot and that’s why I came up to nature to record the ambient sounds for my project idk why BUT then when I realize is that the girl whose new’s eyes fixated on me intensely full German stare and I’m kinda intimidated ngl, so ofc as a good bartender would ask, they ask if I want anything to drink and i politely decline because I wasn’t really thirsty 💀 We start to just chat a bit I ask about how their day went and then that’s when I realize the new girl whose bartending it’s her first day and she’s absolutely drunk out the wazoo, I feel kind of bad because she was about to just go take a walk break and I saw she could barely even move straight 💀 so I ask “so what are some good things to do around here?” They reply really excited that before it gets too dark (somehow they say that and it’s already becoming 8:30 and dark at out) I should go to this really pretty creek waterfall and the absolutely double whammy hammered chick volunteers to take me. Now me skeptical af and realizing that either A, she can’t keep her eyes of me because she’s deadbeat drunk or B, she thinks I’m cute and wants to know me this is why she offered to take me to a cool place. I accept and I have to walk this girl out the bar because she’s in heels and bouncing all over the place. We make it to a downhill section we have to cross and I see her struggling and ask if she needs a hand and she hastily accepts, next thing up her arms are basically spaghetti and rolling with the wind as we make it down this hill her holding onto me for dear life. We start to walk a bit and I start to ask the big legal concern questions that us “technically inclined” men ask like “How old are you” “Do you have a boyfriend?” And “Are you in school?” I eventually get all these answers and we by some will of god walk up to an abandoned dark horror movie looking ass tipi (basically this ⛺️ thing for u non cultured swines) for some reason my hood senses start tingling and the white girl slasher film mindset goes into my mind like “Why the fuck am I about to go in there?” But hey YOLO why not go into creepy dark crowded place with drunk girl? We waltz up into that bitch looking like injured bank robbers clobbering all over the ground because the ground muddy and we can barely fit into the small opening of it, point is in there she starts basically interviewing me fucking speed run piers style and I answer being sober decently competent. Me not trying to make her feel uncomfortable turn my flashlight on to scout the area and we realize there’s some makeshift bench in there so we have a seat. She doesn’t like the fact the lights on and then she asks “do you want to kiss” and proceeds to inform me I’m a weirdo for turning on the light. Now I’m like: “ aight what the fuck girl like it’s dark spooky af out the hell u want me to do get mauled by spiders in this Native American trap house? Then Yk me never had a girlfriend and curious accepts her kiss offer and right as we are about to friggin kiss a RANDOM ASS NPC COUPLE SPAWNS IN AND JUST WALKS UP TO OUR FUCKING TIPI! What are the fucking odds bro, like it’s pitch black basically out and I’m in the middle of the woods, now they see us (we look hella sus at that moment) and kinda just walk away after being like “ooooh cool!” But anyways I get a pretty Alr first kiss, get insulted for being a horrible kisser and walk it off quoting myself “Bro it’s cuz I’m a Libra right?” Jokingly anyways we kinda talk a bit she enlightens me on some personal facts and me too, I ask if she’s had a boyfriend and she says yeah I would had asked how many but didn’t weirdly enough and she’s asked me then if I had ever had a girlfriend and I respond honestly that nope I haven’t and she doesn’t buy it, she thinks I’m lying. She then proceeds to ask me how tall I am and me being a tall ass mf for my race i respond “6 foot 3” and she’s like DAMNNNNNNN ewwww. I’m dying of laughter and ask what’s wrong. I never get a response 😭 Anyways she then decides to empty her pockets and she came for some reason with basically a mythical rarity load out of pocket loot. 2 Cinnamon booze plastic shots, lip gloss, chapstick and a cart. Now me being the worlds biggest glorified coward who never smoked and almost never drinks was amazed she had all this shit on her. I ask her how much she had to drink tonight and she told me how for every drink she served she also drank (idk why tf weird flex but ok?) we then kinda decide to go out of the tent because all of a sudden she wants to explore the pitch black woods when we both have very little phone battery left for flashlight. I think in my sober mind that’s a horrible idea and I remember in the back of my mind we had to be back in an hour from like 8:30pm and I remind her assuming she will have it into account but fail to realize SHES DRUNK AF AND CANT PROCESS SHIT!!! Anyways we walk around the creek bed and eventually we have a seat and just weirdly enough lay down watch the stars and talk about romantic stuff, she is very kind all of a sudden and we are just laughing wholeheartedly and enjoying ourselves and occasionally she tries to sloppily kiss me and I’m kinda just laying there like : 🙃. But yeah we there doing all that and then she somehow convinced me to do shots of the weird spicy booze she brought and I was very nervous and almost about to fully fold because I had a lot of important things in my life impending in the coming days and I didn’t want to fuck something up being drunk (not knowing myself if I’m a lightweight or heavyweight drinker) We each do one and I’m kinda there lying paralyzed and shivering in my boots not because of the alcohol but because of the nerves I am chilling with a girl on a beauty of a night next to some lovely sounding creek noises and making out. Me being the newbie I am just go along with anything she says or does because I’m not trying to blow what I have going Yk. But yeah time passes we just there on essentially natures lawn hugging and kissing and talking about cute life aspirations and then I have to break the hard news to her, I inform her I won’t be staying around long by any means ( I leave the next day back to da hood for school) and I feel so bad inside! Like this girl even age difference aside whatever was very kind and I didn’t want to ruin what we had going so I try and explain how I would try to visit her and later the next day I am able to check that tickets cost roughly $50 for one ways to the town she lives in and takes 2 hours and a half something if me for love I was able to do im down ig… Now as a recap: She knows I live super duper far away, She and I both understand we don’t want to ruin what we have and we are trying to see how we can keep this going. I hear someone scream her voice and then I’m like Awww shit ur in trouble right? I check my phone and it’s MOTHERFUCKING 11PM!!!! I’m like OH SHIT WE BEEN GONE A WHILE DAMNNN, I pull her up off the ground and try to get her to her aunt who I assumed was looking for her and then we sadly said it last farewell quickly. She kisses me and then she gets yoinked and chewed tf outta by basically her big auntie bartender me feeling horrible and all because I was so immature not checking the time, I walk up to her to take responsibility for the situation and not be a beta male type character she asks me all of a sudden if I’m “ok or hurt” and I say yeah I’m fine and then she walks away and for some reason my good manners and habits kick in as I quietly shout “good night” and she shouts back “yeah good fucking night!” Slams the door with my newfound friend and they both gone. I feel real bad for the situation but hey it already happened, and I then find out from some of my fellow campers that she was threatening essentially to call the state police because people have gotten lost in the woods but in my head I’m like NUH UH I GOT S TIER GOD MEMORY!!! Anyways I do have the girl I was withs number I message her apologizing for not being more responsible and whatnot and then a lot of time happens from there on. I go to bed at 1:30am, wake up the next morning at 6:57am and I’m worried because she hasn’t responded. I paranoid and feeling like a hopeless romantic sit around stressing for hours until BOOM I get off a call checking up with my moms who was out of town get a message from my dear bartender girl! I’m beyond ecstatic and try to see if we can say goodbye because I have to go so soon that same day (today as I’m writing this) we try to compromise and plan but sadly it doesn’t work out for us and we just don’t get a well deserved farewell. I feel truly defeated and depressed about it and people I’m with are speculating how I have barely eaten in all the hours I have been up today. I reply it’s that m stresses but don’t go into detail trying to avoid ancontroversial discussion. This girls name is Sofia and I as I hope a constituted decent person hope I can keep this relationship but there are a few obstacles. 1, she lives 2 hours best case scenario from me. 2, she doesn’t really answer my messages until very late after I send them (for example i message her 12:30 she responds then doesn’t respond until past 5pm same day) and It’s hard to have a relationship with flawed communication I can see. Now for me I have always wanted to find love but never really succeeded in it and I’m truly just grateful for having any experience like this at all and I want to hear feedback from fellow guys and girl as to what I should do to keep this a respectful and responsible relationship you know?
Sincerely and looking forward to feedback, K

I’ll start off by saying I don’t know if im insecure because my ex used to cheat on me. but I feel see like my current boyfriend isn’t treating me right. (We’ve been dating for 11 months now) when we first started dating I had a look on his phone and he messaged other girls to have sexual interactions with while me and him were seeing eachother. then it went to some girl at the gym he knew he had matched with on tinder (she was hot he says) he looked her up on instagram chat to see if they had spoke on instagram? then his ex messaging him and he was entertaining it and deleted the messages. then he went to Bali for a boys trip. apparently some girl was trying to crack onto him and his friends had to remind him he had a partner. And last but not least. he told me he didn’t want to watch porn anymore because he felt guilty (I never told him to stop he said it) so I took his word, only to find out he still did it. He’s now stopped but he still looking at sexual girls on reddit, twitter and onlyfans. Because he’s “curious” I’ve tried to bring all of this up and he gets defensive and angry or flips it onto me. It makes me feel very poorly about myself especially when me and him have sex quite literally everyday. but he still needs to look at others. if we go out in public he always has a look at other girls. when he kept stuffing up I know I shouldn’t of but I stood on his level and would like guys photos so now he always flips that onto me. im 21. he’s 25. I’ve tried my hardest to make this relationship work but im the one that always feels like I can’t talk to him about this because he gets so angry and has tried to break up with me twice because of me sharing my emotions and I get angry and upset because he can’t seem to understand how this effects me. am I too sensitive? we are building a house together and when we’re good we are great! it’s ever since he’s moved into my family house the bad has happened. I haven’t been perfect either but I’ve never stood this low to make him feel insecure.

I’ll start off by saying I don’t know if im insecure because my ex used to cheat on me. but I feel see like my current boyfriend isn’t treating me right. (We’ve been dating for 11 months now) when we first started dating I had a look on his phone and he messaged other girls to have sexual interactions with while me and him were seeing eachother. then it went to some girl at the gym he knew he had matched with on tinder (she was hot he says) he looked her up on instagram chat to see if they had spoke on instagram? then his ex messaging him and he was entertaining it and deleted the messages. then he went to Bali for a boys trip. apparently some girl was trying to crack onto him and his friends had to remind him he had a partner. And last but not least. he told me he didn’t want to watch porn anymore because he felt guilty (I never told him to stop he said it) so I took his word, only to find out he still did it. He’s now stopped but he still looking at sexual girls on reddit, twitter and onlyfans. Because he’s “curious” I’ve tried to bring all of this up and he gets defensive and angry or flips it onto me. It makes me feel very poorly about myself especially when me and him have sex quite literally everyday. but he still needs to look at others. if we go out in public he always has a look at other girls. when he kept stuffing up I know I shouldn’t of but I stood on his level and would like guys photos so now he always flips that onto me. im 21. he’s 25. I’ve tried my hardest to make this relationship work but im the one that always feels like I can’t talk to him about this because he gets so angry and has tried to break up with me twice because of me sharing my emotions and I get angry and upset because he can’t seem to understand how this effects me. am I too sensitive? we are building a house together and when we’re good we are great! it’s ever since he’s moved into my family house the bad has happened. I haven’t been perfect either but I’ve never stood this low to make him feel insecure.

I’ll start off by saying I don’t know if im insecure because my ex used to cheat on me. but I feel see like my current boyfriend isn’t treating me right. (We’ve been dating for 11 months now) when we first started dating I had a look on his phone and he messaged other girls to have sexual interactions with while me and him were seeing eachother. then it went to some girl at the gym he knew he had matched with on tinder (she was hot he says) he looked her up on instagram chat to see if they had spoke on instagram? then his ex messaging him and he was entertaining it and deleted the messages. then he went to Bali for a boys trip. apparently some girl was trying to crack onto him and his friends had to remind him he had a partner. And last but not least. he told me he didn’t want to watch porn anymore because he felt guilty (I never told him to stop he said it) so I took his word, only to find out he still did it. He’s now stopped but he still looking at sexual girls on reddit, twitter and onlyfans. Because he’s “curious” I’ve tried to bring all of this up and he gets defensive and angry or flips it onto me. It makes me feel very poorly about myself especially when me and him have sex quite literally everyday. but he still needs to look at others. if we go out in public he always has a look at other girls. when he kept stuffing up I know I shouldn’t of but I stood on his level and would like guys photos so now he always flips that onto me. im 21. he’s 25. I’ve tried my hardest to make this relationship work but im the one that always feels like I can’t talk to him about this because he gets so angry and has tried to break up with me twice because of me sharing my emotions and I get angry and upset because he can’t seem to understand how this effects me. am I too sensitive? we are building a house together and when we’re good we are great! it’s ever since he’s moved into my family house the bad has happened. I haven’t been perfect either but I’ve never stood this low to make him feel insecure.

I've been trying to post this to the main Philadelphia page but it keeps getting removed and I'm not sure why. I tried to message mods but haven't gotten any replies so..idk I figured I'd ask you guys!
So recently, I've taken up hiking for excessive with the Indego bikes set up around the city. I really like it and I've made a habit of doing it everyday so far for a week, which isn't that long busy as consistent I've been on exercising for a while. My boyfriend has taken it up with me, and we live in West philly. As of right now we usually take the Cobbs Creek Trail, from 63rd & Spruce all the way through to Woodland Ave. Sometimes when we want to go further, well bike through Darby back around to the 69th st area , eventually back home. I haven't rode bikes since I was kid, so I'm still getting comfortable and I'm not the biggest fan of riding in the street, even with bike lanes.
I really like Cobbs Creek trail because for the most part theres smooth pavement to ride on, and separate from traffic. However, I don't want to keep doing the same path over and over again, then it would get boring. I thought there was a trail near 52nd & Parkside, but I looked on my map and didn't see anything . What are some other good trails or paths for biking within a good distance from West Philly?
Thanks!

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/brokenheartedsister
My (26F) fiance (28M) slept with my sister (32F). Heartbroken and devastated. I can't move on.
Thanks to u/Choice_Evidence1983 for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity, betrayal, self harm, depression, property damage
Original Post Nov 27, 2015
Hi Reddit. I'm posting here in the hope that someone can give me some advice, share their experiences, I don't know. I'm just completely at a loss. I feel like my heart has been ripped out.
My fiance (let's call him Jake) and I have been together for 7 years. I don't know a life without him. I met him at university, we stayed together past graduation, and moved into a flat which we bought together 2 years ago. He proposed last summer and we were set to wed in July 2017. We have had very few problems until now.
My sister (let's call her Sara) is an extremely volatile person. Growing up, I doted on her completely but she had a lot of personal issues that made our home life turbulent. Her childhood was very different to mine. My parents had very little money, they were on the brink of a divorce, my dad was physically violent on a number of occasions. Whilst things improved drastically in the years after I was born, she has an abundance of problems that stem back to this. My parents feel a lot of guilt about Sara's upbringing, and used to let her get away with some shocking behavior.
Sara had the same boyfriend for as long as I can remember (they dated from when they were 16), and their relationship was toxic. They habitually broke up and got back together; when they were good, they were crazy in love. But more often than not, she would have these insane arguments (sometimes physical) with him then take out her frustrations and despair on myself and my parents. I remember spending many nights lying by her side in bed while she cried so hard she would retch. After their arguments, she would throw plates and glasses at the wall, hit herself. Sometimes she would hit me and my parents too. It was like he was a drug to her, and she was emotionally stunted and didn't know how to see anything past their relationship.
2 months ago, her boyfriend called things off for good. I don't know what gave, but after nearly two decades together, he finally had enough. He booked a one way ticket to another country, changed his number, deleted all social media profiles, and essentially disappeared from Sara's life. To this day, she still won't explain what caused this, but it was long overdue.
To say Sara was devastated is an understatement. She moved out of their shared rented apartment, and in with my parents. I would visit her most days after work, where she would flit in between explosive rage to an almost catatonic silence, staring at the wall with tears streaming down her face. At one point, we were all extremely worried she might seriously harm herself and organized for her to see a therapist (something I had suggested for years). Of course, she backed out days before her appointment, and there were no consequences. She is, after all, a grown woman. She just hasn't changed emotionally in the entire time I've known her, and still acts like a teenager.
2 days ago. I went to visit Sara, who was in bed in her darkened room. I let myself in and attempted to speak to her, telling her about my day at work. She immediately exploded, screaming at me, throwing her pillows across the room, crying uncontrollably. She told me life was unfair. That I had everything and she was left alone to "rot". That everything wrong in her life was because she was a bad person. She hurt her boyfriend, she drove him away, she's ruined our family, she fucked Jake and didn't even feel guilty at the time. I initially thought I'd misheard her, but then she said it again. It was like she had poured a bucket of ice water over me.
I silently left, shaking. When I got home, Jake was there watching TV. It came out of my mouth the second I saw him, and I could see in his eyes it was true. He broke down, and told me it had happened 3 years ago. Sara had had another blazing row with her boyfriend and decided to drive round to Jake's looking for me. I was at our parents at the time and Jake attempted to pacify Sara. He comforted her while she sobbed in his arms, and one thing led to another. They had sex.
I packed an overnight bag while he followed me from room to room, sobbing and telling me it was the worst mistake of his life, that he still has no idea how it happened. That he felt unbelievably guilty the second it was over, that it feels like it wasn't even real. I left him in the doorway begging me not to leave.
I've checked into a hotel and have switched my phone off. I don't know what to do, who to tell, where to begin. I feel sick, like this is a bad dream. My heart feels like it's been ripped into a million pieces. For all of Sara's faults, I love her more than anything. It's the two people who are more to me than anyone else in the world.
How the fuck do I move on from this? I feel like I'm in a bubble. I don't know what's going on in the outside world. All I do is cry and sleep in this room. Someone please help me make sense of this.
tl;dr: My volatile sister recently went through a break up after a 16 year relationship with the love of her life. She is severely depressed and almost catatonic; I went to visit her one day only for her to explode and tell me she slept with my fiance 3 years ago. He admitted it was true and I haven't spoken to a soul since. I have locked myself in a hotel room with no plans of ever coming out. My heart is shattered into a million pieces and I don't know what to do.
Update Nov 29, 2015
Hi everyone.
I logged on this afternoon to find 300 + replies and messages to my post. I am unbelievably touched by the all people who reached out to me, particularly fractalfay's incredible response which spoke to me on a level I didn't think possible from a stranger. I'd like to thank each and every single person who took the time out of their day for me; I was so overwhelmed that I've not responded to a single one as of yet but it is truly truly appreciated.
Now onto the update.
It has only been a day or so since I made my post, but it feels like I'd been in that hotel room for weeks, crying in the dark buried under the covers. At some point this morning, I decided to draw the curtains open and let the sunlight in. I went and sat on the balcony and switched my phone on for the first time. It started ringing within 30 seconds. It was my mother, who burst into tears as soon as I answered. Her and my parents had obviously been desperately worried (this is the longest I have ever gone without contact) and had even contemplated calling the police had I failed to contact them by this evening.
My mom informed me that as I was walking out of Sara's room, down the stairs, and out the front door, Sara was screaming and wailing that she's sorry. Funnily enough, I didn't hear this. I don't know how. I think I was in such a state of shock that I couldn't process anything around me. Honestly, I can't even remember the drive home. After I shut the door behind me, my mom (who was the only other person at home) rushed into Sara's room to find her trashing her room and attempting to slash her wrists with a blunt lino cutter of all instruments (Sara used to do a lot of art). Obviously, this barely caused a scratch but jump started my mom into action. She drove Sara to the hospital, where I understand she underwent some sort of assessment and was kept overnight. She has, incredibly, agreed to undergo treatment for whatever it is that is wrong with her. My mom was surprised she was so complaisant on the drive down, willingly entering the car and saying nothing other than asking where I am.
Sara seems resigned and completely deflated; my mom spoke to me at length for the first time in my life about the hardships they had undergone during Sara's childhood. I am unwilling to go into detail and am still in shock about some of the things I heard. Sara is not devoid of responsibility; she has long surpassed the age where she can blame her childhood for her behavior, but my mom admitted through tears that not sending her to therapy at an early age was the biggest regret of her life so far.
I asked my mom if she knew why I had left; she admitted that she had known SINCE SARA'S EX LEFT TWO MONTHS AGO. At this point, I had to struggle not to hang up and I suddenly felt myself going back into that pit, but she begged me to listen. After her ex Harry (I am too drained to invent a name...hi Harry) left, Sara told my mom exactly what had happened. It was not the reason for Harry's departure, although he did know about it. Rather, he had had enough of being Sara's carer, and years of begging her to seek help had fallen on deaf ears one too many times. When Sara informed my mom, my mom told Sara I have to know immediately. Sara refused to tell me, and I still don't know why she changed her mind in that moment. My dad doesn't know for anyone wondering, and thinks I've left as I've also finally had enough of Sara's behavior.
Now here is where the home truths came out. I asked my mom if she knew the details. She was reluctant to tell me anything, stating that it had happened and that was all I needed to know. But I told her I refused to step foot in the house until I knew everything. She then proceeded to tell me that a few months before they slept together, Sara and Jake had kissed at my dad's 60th birthday party. It was a large family gathering with a lot of alcohol involved. I remember Jake getting very drunk with my cousins. Sara had a crying tantrum prior to arriving as her and Harry had an argument and he refused to come (she called me sobbing before she arrived). At some point during the night, Jake asked her if she was okay and hugged her, and once again "one thing led to another" and they shared a kiss in the kitchen. Sara told my mom that they were both immediately remorseful and vowed never to speak of it again, but Sara deliberately sought him out the night they slept together knowing he was unlikely to turn her down. She openly admitted she did it to get back at Harry, who had cheated on her during one of their many infamous breaks. I don't think I even entered her thoughts.
At this point, I'd heard enough. We'd spoken on the phone for over four hours and I felt mentally drained and physically sick. Any hope I had of salvaging my relationship with Jake has completely gone. I feel the last 3 years have been tainted by their betrayal, and the many years before that I wonder: did he like Sara this whole time? Part of me doesn't even want to know.
It's worth noting he has made absolutely no attempt to contact me other than a single TEXT stating "I'm sorry. Take as long as you need". As if it's inevitable I will come back to him.
Things are still up in the air. I don't feel ready to check out of the hotel as I don't know where I'm going to go next. I feel my relationship with my mom has been rocked by these revelations. I don't know what's going to become of Sara. I have no idea what I'm going to do about me and Jake's flat, where I'm going to live. I don't even know if I have a job anymore. I just haven't showed up to work.
But I know the truth and the smallest part of me is grateful for that. The rest of me is consumed by a pain I never imagined possible.
I guess there's nothing else to do now except wait and see how things unfold. But reading through your comments and messages have been more help than you can imagine, thank you thank you thank you.
And for anyone who has have ever experienced symptoms like Sara's, or has been around someone who is so visibly troubled, I beg of you: seek help before it's too late.
tl;dr: I had a four hour conversation with my mom, who not only knew about Sara and Jake, but informed me that they had shared a kiss a few months prior to the event. I am still in the hotel, still heart broken, and have no idea what to do next. The only saving grace is that Sara has agreed to treatment and will not be in my life for the foreseeable future.
Final Update Dec 26, 2015
Hi everyone!
I thought I would make a final update (to my original post and update) as I received a lot of messages over the last few days wondering how I am over the holiday period.
Once again, I'd like to thank you all for the outpouring of support I've received over the last month. The number of messages, links to help, and offers for a shoulder to cry on were overwhelming and touching. I apologise if I never got round to replying to them all, the last few weeks have been a blur. But I am eternally grateful nonetheless.
So, after my conversation with my mom (where I found out she had known about Jake and Sara) I went back to square one. I switched my phone off again, and retreated back into my hotel for a further 5 days. From the comments on my last post, I should clear up one thing: my mom hadn't known about Jake and Sara from the very beginning. Rather, Sara had told her about it at the time of Harry's sudden departure (meaning she had known a couple months before I did).
Eventually, I decided enough was enough and decided to call work. My boss wasn't angry, or even surprised, to hear from me. My mom had called him after our conversation and told him there had been a family emergency and I would be unavailable for the forseeable future. He advised I take to the end of the week, but would have to come to a meeting if I required any more time off work than I had already given myself. So my job was safe(ish) and I'm back at work and trying to get on with things.
After this, I went back to my parents. Sara was also home but holed up in her room. I went in to see her and she was up painting. As a number of you guessed, it is likely she has BPD, although my parents are waiting on a second opinion. She is going to counselling weekly, and seems slightly better. She broke down in tears when she saw me and we had a long long talk, where she spoke to me in depth about how truly consumed she was by her and Harry's toxic relationship. She understands it's for the best that it's over, but she describes the pain as "unrelenting: it hurt when he was with me, and it hurts now he's gone".
I know alot of you will feel disappointed that I haven't cut her or my mom out of my life for good. I still feel resentment in the pit of my stomach when I think about it, but truly, I blame Jake more than anyone else. Jake was with me for long enough to see some of Sara's behaviour. She's not well and he still chose to do what he did. It is a slow process, but she's my sister and I can't cut them out of my life forever. It will never be the same again, but maybe that's a good thing.
My dad, who had been newly informed on the proceedings, drove to my apartment and gathered some clothes and an overnight bag. Jake was not home, and my parents have not heard from him since I left. I have no idea where he is, and neither he nor his family have attempted any contact with me since this came out. His social media profiles have disappeared, and I have not attempted any contact with him, his family, or his friends. I began the slow process of telling my friends last week. I did not explain what happened, other than to say Jake was not the person I thought he was. They have all assumed cheating, but there is no reason for them to know who was involved.
I have switched back and forth between staying with my parents and sleeping at my apartment. I sleep on the sofa bed as the memories are too painful at the moment. I am in the process of looking into selling the place, however, this means contacting Jake at some point in the near future as the apartment is joint owned. I will cross that bridge when I feel a bit stronger.
Christmas day was a strange and sad one for both myself and Sara. But we spent it as a family, and for the few hours we were sat around eating and watching movies the pain was dulled even a small bit. As we were flicking through the various movies and TV episodes we'd recorded, I came across a scene that stuck with me, a scene that ended with the words: "la familia es todo".
I still spend most days with a hole in my heart, it hurts more than anything I've ever felt in my life...but it's getting better. I know I've got a long way to go, but for the first time I'm confident I'll get there.
Thank you for reading and here's to 2016.
tl;dr: Jake has disappeared without a trace. Sara is in treatment. My heart still hurts but I'm finally starting to get better.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I've been in my step kids lives for about 10 years. I am by choice child free and will remain that way. I was very distant for a long time early in the relationship... It just made more sense for me and our situation. I would see them but not regularly. Never imposed myself in their lives, was just there in the background. About five years ago we started doing more regular family stuff - swapping holidays between my family and with his kids. I moved in to his house about 3 years ago. The SKs are older, 21 and 18. The older one lives with us during the summer when not living in the dorm. The younger one lives with her mom about three hours away and just graduated highschool. We went to the graduation and took all of the pictures. I didn't need or necessarily want to be in the pictures. However, once the daughter got all of our photos from the weekend, she made a post on Instagram. I made the graduation post. Pictures of her and her mom, her and her dad when she was younger, pictures of her and her boyfriend, her and her brother when they were younger, and one of me, her, and her dad. I'm there, with all of them in a post symbolizing a right of passage reached by her.
This is probably the smallest, simplest, symbolic thing, but it means more to me than I ever thought it would. I don't even think I would have cared if she didn't include me... But that she did... ❤️

I’ll start off by saying I don’t know if im insecure because my ex used to cheat on me. but I feel see like my current boyfriend isn’t treating me right. (We’ve been dating for 11 months now) when we first started dating I had a look on his phone and he messaged other girls to have sexual interactions with while me and him were seeing eachother. then it went to some girl at the gym he knew he had matched with on tinder (she was hot he says) he looked her up on instagram chat to see if they had spoke on instagram? then his ex messaging him and he was entertaining it and deleted the messages. then he went to Bali for a boys trip. apparently some girl was trying to crack onto him and his friends had to remind him he had a partner. And last but not least. he told me he didn’t want to watch porn anymore because he felt guilty (I never told him to stop he said it) so I took his word, only to find out he still did it. He’s now stopped but he still looking at sexual girls on reddit, twitter and onlyfans. Because he’s “curious” I’ve tried to bring all of this up and he gets defensive and angry or flips it onto me. It makes me feel very poorly about myself especially when me and him have sex quite literally everyday. but he still needs to look at others. if we go out in public he always has a look at other girls. when he kept stuffing up I know I shouldn’t of but I stood on his level and would like guys photos so now he always flips that onto me. im 21. he’s 25. I’ve tried my hardest to make this relationship work but im the one that always feels like I can’t talk to him about this because he gets so angry and has tried to break up with me twice because of me sharing my emotions and I get angry and upset because he can’t seem to understand how this effects me. am I too sensitive? he lives in my family home with me, my family adores him, we are building a house together and when we’re good we’re really good! it’s just time like these and when I confront him is when I second guess the relationship. I’m a big communicator and he’s not.

For context, my boyfriend (27) and I (23) have been together for over two years now. We absolutely love each other (at least that's what I thought). I recently moved to another country (a 1.5-hour flight from him), and we decided we would still be together. I saw him a few weeks ago, and although we had an argument, it was great to see him, and I thought everything was going okay.
Last weekend, we had another argument due to his inability to communicate with me. I got annoyed, and the conversation was basically:
Me: "All I ask of you is communication, and you still refuse to give me that." Him: "Please, let's not argue right now." Me: "Don't worry. I won't argue because I don't care."
The conversation ended after this, and we didn't speak for the following two days (I was still upset, and I guess he was too, so I thought we needed some space). When I finally managed to stop being upset about the situation, I texted him asking how he was and saying that I missed him. Later that day (he still hadn't answered), I tried to call him, and then I did the same for the next seven days.
At first, I thought something bad had happened because he had never done this before. I even thought he might be in the hospital or something. But after texting his mom and neighbor to let them know I was worried my boyfriend was missing and asking them to check if he was okay, I realized he was simply ignoring me.
I am so hurt by the situation. I called him several times (he didn't pick up any), and I texted him, begging him to let me know if he is breaking up with me or if he just needs some time. But there was no answer. I can see he is receiving every single message I'm sending. I was so desperate that I sent 100 roses to his house with a note asking him to text me, telling him how important our relationship is, that I am worried, and that I miss him.
I've been feeling horrible. At this point, my chest, stomach, and throat hurt (I think because of anxiety), and I've been crying every single day.
In the middle of this whole situation, one of my exes texted me, asking me to go on a spontaneous trip with him for a week! I was so damn surprised, but after considering the situation, I said yes. Still, I feel so bad, like I'm cheating, but I can't stop overthinking that my boyfriend might be with someone else, and I don't even know if he'll ever answer me. I love my boyfriend and I still want to be with him, but I don't know what is going on, and I don't want to feel miserable for the next week too.
Can I get some advice?

i am moving to another city in 20 days for higher studies and my boyfriend who has just started a new job gets a holiday every monday and i've exclusively kept that day to meet him. my sister's marriage is in 10 days and they suddenly planned for their pre wedding shoot on monday and i spent a good 7 hours at the shoot and then when i told them that i'll leave since my twin was with my sister they got so mad telling me they can see who the priority is. i had spent 7 hours there but they made me feel guilty. i can't meet my boyfriend for another 2 years and he doesn't get off any other day in a week. my twin doesn't have this problem because she won't be leaving sooner and her boyfriend was the photographer so she was peacefully staying there. this week, we had to collect our dress which happened to be on a monday but i had planned a sleepover with my boyfriend so i just made a sad face and told her i will just collect it the next day but my twin started shouting at me telling me she will not get my dress and she tells me to stop acting like my boyfriend is my whole life. she literally meets her boyfriend every day and when i told that she's like why are you so jealous that i get to meet my boyfriend every day. i wasn't even jealous for that. all i wanted to tell was to let me spend time with my boyfriend for atleast 2 to 3 days we get till i leave. am i selfish to spend time with him?

My boyfriend (23) and his coworker turned friend (26) have gotten a lot closer. They hang out a lot at work and after work. Work ends at 3:30 but my bf won’t be home until 5:30-6:00 because his friend would guilt trip him into staying longer. When my boyfriend is at home with me his friend spam messages and always calls because he wants to talk or make plans to hang out.
Despite my boyfriend saying no or saying he can’t hang out, his friend still shows up unannounced and texts that he’s outside in the driveway. My boyfriend would go out to tell him he can’t hang out, but his friend would say he needs to vent or he just wants to chill for a little.
The first time this happened I let it slide but I explained to my boyfriend it’s not okay for his friend to do that whenever he wants. I understand not wanting to be lonely, but it’s not fair to my boyfriend that his friend always wants to trauma dump on him.
I’ve tried to remain calm and think maybe I’m overreacting, but it’s been happening more often and it’s quite bothersome. I’ve reached the point that when I see his friend’s car in the driveway, I get irritated. His friend has a wife and a baby at home, yet he always wants to be out with his friends. Even if my bf and I have plans (his friend is aware that we’re busy) he will still show up at the house. I feel as if his friend has no respect for other’s space and time.
AITA for telling my bf I dislike his friend for always showing up unannounced?
Edit- typo & add on
I also told my bf I think his friend is inconsiderate and should spend more time at home with his family, instead of bothering us.

My boyfriend 29M and I 25F have been together for more than 5 years. During this time, I've always wanted him to feel that he can trust me, that he doesn't need to worry about me being unfaithful or anything like that.
I love my boyfriend very much and, although we have had several problems, I have never jeopardized our relationship.
Lately, I've felt the urge to physically experiment with someone new. My boyfriend and I see each other every 2 or 3 weekends and we don't always have intimacy. Nevertheless, my word holds more weight than my emotions, so even though I would like to experience new things, I am not going to do it.
This week I met a friend of other friends who turned out to be very sweet and who texted me for 2 days until I told him I have a boyfriend. He said it would've been weird if I didn't. When I asked him if he would like to remain friends, his exact words were "that would be good for him, but not for me, I have enough friends, wish you the best." Which is okay, because I don't want to waste his time but I do miss the flirting stage, a bit of playful but innocent messages, getting dressed, going out on dates. I wish I could feel those "butterflies" in my stomach again.
I know it's normal to lose a bit of passion with your partner after several years together, but it seems to me that 4 years is a short period.
Is it normal to feel this way? Any advice?
Thanks

I'm new to poly, about 6 weeks into dating a partner that I think has taken on too much too soon. My partner Cinder is a lovely person who I've been friends for about 10 months. They're partnered with a married couple, Rio and Tea, for 3 months in addition to having a boyfriend, Kanvas, of 5 months. It's a lot to adjust to, but I really care about them and I'm down to try. I interviewed my poly friends, took notes, read a lot, watched some videos, and prepared myself as best as I can.
This weekend, the entire cule went to an event 1.5 hours away to support Cinder. They'd said they would be going back home alone that night, even though Tea and Rio wanted to spend the night with Cinder, in an attempt to avoid showing favoritism. We had lunch, dinner, hung out, and at the end of the night, Cinder invited all of us back to their apartment. I was a little surprised and confused. Kanvas had to leave, but Tea, Rio, and I expressed interest. I thought it could be good for us, enjoy talking with Tea, and if I'm honest, would've felt left out if I just went home. Before plans were finalized, Rio declared they wanted to go and didn't want to stand around the parking lot any more. We split up to drive home, Cinder getting a ride from the married couple back to their car.
I drive for over an hour without hearing about the night's plans. I gave Cinder a call. They answered laughing with Tea and Rio in the background. The call ended mysteriously for some reason. They called back. They were still in the car at the parking lot more than an hour away. They confirmed that I was alright and after listening to Rio go on a laughing rant about how they thought I hung up on them and were so worried I was mad, I gathered they'd had a big relationship talk and arrived at a better place which was good. I frankly don't care much for Rio but was glad they were feeling better and that the cule was more stable, but also felt pretty uneasy that plans had changed and that I wasn't told.
I told them all to drive safe, went home, and sat awhile trying to process my feelings. Cinder let me know they were on the way home and I told them to drive safe. At 2 in the morning, they texted "I is home safely." I was in bed and didn't reply.
This morning, Rio messages me on discord that he'd gotten food poisoning from dinner and thrown up a bunch, especially at Cinder's apartment, which means they'd all gone home together. I think he was trying to bond over humor.
I was pretty hurt and angry. Cinder invited me to go out today and I declined politely. They've got a performance improvement plan scheduled for tomorrow and I don't want to stress them out while so many things are falling apart in their life, but I feel like this was a breach of my boundaries. I've emphasized several times to them that I don't need to be #1 in their life, but especially won't be deprioritized for other relationships except in cases of emergency, or if there's communication beforehand. I feel like I was underhandedly disinvited and neglected, and possibly misled on purpose.
Thing is, if they'd told me what they wanted to do, I 100% would've been in support. I've told them if they need to dedicate time to their partners, I can be flexible, but giving me a heads up about plans and expectations is important. What hurts is that I don't think they even considered my feelings, and am afraid that they were intentionally vague about their return journey home, or that they had gone back with their partners. It feels like a secret, and I don't know what to make of Rio's random discord message this morning.
6 weeks in, I have a feeling that poly is actually doable for me, and that I've been able to overcome jealousy and maintain good communication, but this relationship just isn't going to work. I love Cinder for sure and many of their actions show they deeply care about me, but I'm consistently getting hurt in ways that seem avoidable from a thoughtful partner. I don't think Cinder has any idea I'm upset. I'll talk to them about it this week when things are a little calmer and they don't have this PIP looming.
It just fucking sucks, feels like this might just keep happening forever, and eventually I'll exit the relationship for my own wellbeing.

I’ll start off by saying I don’t know if im insecure because my ex used to cheat on me. but I feel see like my current boyfriend isn’t treating me right. (We’ve been dating for 11 months now) when we first started dating I had a look on his phone and he messaged other girls to have sexual interactions with while me and him were seeing eachother. then it went to some girl at the gym he knew he had matched with on tinder (she was hot he says) he looked her up on instagram chat to see if they had spoke on instagram? then his ex messaging him and he was entertaining it and deleted the messages. then he went to Bali for a boys trip. apparently some girl was trying to crack onto him and his friends had to remind him he had a partner. And last but not least. he told me he didn’t want to watch porn anymore because he felt guilty (I never told him to stop he said it) so I took his word, only to find out he still did it. He’s now stopped but he still looking at sexual girls on reddit, twitter and onlyfans. Because he’s “curious” I’ve tried to bring all of this up and he gets defensive and angry or flips it onto me. It makes me feel very poorly about myself especially when me and him have sex quite literally everyday. but he still needs to look at others. if we go out in public he always has a look at other girls. when he kept stuffing up I know I shouldn’t of but I stood on his level and would like guys photos so now he always flips that onto me. im 21. he’s 25. I’ve tried my hardest to make this relationship work but im the one that always feels like I can’t talk to him about this because he gets so angry and has tried to break up with me twice because of me sharing my emotions and I get angry and upset because he can’t seem to understand how this effects me. am I too sensitive? we are building a house together and when we’re good we are great! it’s ever since he’s moved into my family house the bad has happened. I haven’t been perfect either but I’ve never stood this low to make him feel insecure.

So there’s this situation where there’s this girl at work and when I first got the job, she was considered like my mini leader for this program and then we have like two program managers above her. I got to know her a bit more throughout my time at the job and even outside of work. We’ve worked out a couple of times and grabbed lunch or boba too. And it’s weird cause during that time she’s been dating some guy for two years. And then something happens two weeks ago with her boyfriend, but not exactly sure if they are still together cause she had some other coworker pick her up in downtown when it was 2AM in the morning. All she told me that one day when we were going to workout was that her boyfriend said he was tired of whatever this relationship is going and she said that she was tired too. And then two days after she became happy. Kinda sus to me for some reason lol. Oh and we’re 6 years apart (age wise). At times she calls me a nerd, but I don’t get offended cause it was really out of pocket and I just assumed maybe she’s interested and likes me? Oh and another thing is that, I’m an Asian American and she’s White, and she’s been to Taiwan for a year for college. She loves to speak Chinese to me when she can get the chance to speak Chinese with me. I recently had a party at my place invited my friends from work and from the gym. She brought some nonalcoholic drink and it was cool. It was interesting cause everytime I was near her and talking to someone, I could see in my peripheral vision that she would always be staring at me. She’d always laugh a lot at things I would do whether if it was me jumping up and down and enjoying the song that was bumping or if it was karaoke. We sang love story by Taylor Swift together and everytime the word “baby” would come up, she’d stare at me. After the party, she was like one of the last people to leave too. I drank some vodka (shots of it) and that hurt my stomach for a bit. She saw that I did that and was worried, but I told her that I was okay. When she got home she texted me and said she had a good time with this smiley face —> 😊 and she told me to be good and behave myself to not drink too much vodka again. The next morning I woke up got a text from her and she wanted to check up on me. I appreciated the message and sent her a thank you type message to her and didn’t think much of it. Last Thursday I planned a bit of a mini party, but two of my friends weren’t able to make it and I was going to text this girl we should hangout another time, but the door bell rang. I cooked us dinner and got some sushi too. She brought some wine too. She said that her relationship with her boyfriend is “in the rocks”. We played some video games and so basically this next part she was sitting on the floor and I was sitting on the couch cause she couldn’t see well so she had to sit on the floor to get closer to the TV. There was a moment where she touched my knee (for me I don’t really have interest in her and I don’t even know if she still with her boyfriend). And she playful hit me too. All of these are signs that I can see that she likes me, but she’s a very interesting person cause one day she’ll think I’m weird and then the next day she likes me and those days when she thinks I’m weird, I don’t think much of it because I don’t like her like that.
Do you guys think the way she brought some wine was some indication of wanting to go further in the night and get down with all that freak shit. Does she like calling me nerd because she thinks I have no game or she likes me? Just curious on what you guys think of this.

This is kind of a long rant becuase I cant sleep at night so I'm not expecting anybody to comment back or reply so its really just for me to write down and re-read later on. If somebody does decide to read this or even the first sentence, Thankyou 🙂
I have never been anybody first pick when it comes to friends or dating. I have a tooth gap and weigh almost 13 stone at 17 years old (5'3). Iv always been a bigger girl with a double chin and a large stomach and iv always been insecure about it. In primary school I will always remember the moment that a boy tried to compliment me by saying that I was only the second ugliest girl in our class and I actually remember feeling very flattered by being called the second ugliest. I never had alot of friends and even when I did finally get into a friendship group I still was nobody's best friend or somebody that someone REALLY wanted to play with.
In secondary school all my friends started getting boyfriends and although not serious relationships I still felt left out and wanted to have some "boy fun" too. This lead me to getting on apps like "amino" I at 11 years old sexted sooo many strangers it was wild. I then met my ex who was 19 at the time and just like that for the next 6 years I was abused, manipulated, brain washed and gaslit. When I was 16 I started noticing that my ex started to distance themselves from me and no longer texted me to called me. I got so frustrated and angry with them all the time. They would sometimes go a day or a day and a half without messaging me (I fortunately for myself never met my ex in person our entire relationship was online). I used to argue with them all the time but I was gaslit into thinking I was crazy eventually it drove me into a psychotic brakedown. I eventually realised that they were cheating on me with there roomate. I realised this after our brakeup and I think I knew that they were deep down but I just refused to belive it. But the person I had been with for 6 years of my life and I had loved for so long and genuinely though that I would share my life with no longer wanted me and wanted somebody else.
I got a job at 16 working in a restraunt I seriously love working there and I still do. I love most of the people I work with and I just love my job in general and I have even decided that I want to go up to manger there over the next coming years.
2 months after my brakeup with my ex I started talking to this guy that I found attractive. He knew i liked him and he and I texted for a little while. He would always tell me about how this girl liked him and that that girl liked him and eventually started telling me that his ex who he is madly in love with and him are going to get back together. I lost feelings for him after that but again somebody wanted somebody else. 4 Months after the brake up another person I worked with fell in love with me. However, he was dating another girl. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him if he was dating another girl. He told me that him snd her were in an open relationship and that she's fine with him messing around with other women. I reluctantly agreed and in a parking lot he forced me to have my first kiss. I tried moving away but he keped forcing me to kiss him even pulling me towards him. I eventually just gave in and I ended up letting him do things to me in a bathroom. I felt nothing, nothing emotionally nothing physically. I can't say that I regret the experiance but it sucks that I felt nothing. After it happened he told me "Don't take this the wrong way but it just didn't feel right" and he never acted that way with me again I try to block out the feelings of being lied to and the feelings of being used
Not long after my best friend who I was friends with in secondary school came back into my life. Me and her had so much fun together this past year. I even got her a job at the restraunt I work at and it was so much fun now being able to work with my best friend. However, she met her now boyfriend there. I am very very happy that they have found eachother and I genuinely am so pleased that my best friend has found somebody that makes her feel happy and that treats her right and spoils her rotten. It makes me so happy that she's happy. But I am so angry at myself. I started to feel jelouse of them like really jelouse and it made me angry becuase I didn't know what I was jelouse of. I always thought that my best friend was able to get boyfriends very easily which is very true she does. She is very very VERY beautiful and has gorgeous wavey hair and an absolutely to die for body. But I just felt so angry and upset becuase I think I was worried he would take her away from me which is kinda what ended up happening. We went from hanging out everyday to only seeing eachither twice a week. We had plans to get a flat together but now she wants one with him. We had plans to go on holidays and go on trips to places but now she wants to to with him. Everytime I'm with her she's constantly messaging him. And everytime I'm with them both together there always holding hands and kissing and very obvious making me just left on the corner making me wonder what I'm doing there. It makes me so angry that I can be friends with her for so long and she can just leave me like that. Due to my feelings I started to distance myself from her and I started to lightly bad mouth her to people that would listen. I regret my actions. I really really do love her and I can't help but feel like our friendship has declined becuase I have been a horrible toxic person I have been so astranged for her but I feel like she's abandoned me becuase once again iv been left for another person.
I feel like I'm going crazy becuase nobody ever wants me. I get so very VERY angry at people for no reason and I constantly argue with people in my head. They just don't understand how I see the world and how I feel at all.

I 26f & my boyfriend 34 were suppose to celebrate our 1 year anniversary. We made plans to go out to do brunch the week leading up to it. Things have been rocky because he isn’t able to connect emotionally I’ve offered to pay for therapy to help him with this issue. Despite us having problems we both made it clear we still want to celebrate our anniversary & I’ve agreed to be more patient overall. I have gotten sick this week but leading to the day we were suppose to celebrate we still both wanted to celebrate the day & I actually was feeling better that day. We were originally going to celebrate on Saturday, I told him we should move it to Sunday since he has the day off. We agreed that was better. Saturday night he comes back from work I ask him about what time I should be ready for our date tomorrow. He claims he doesn’t know when the restaurant we agreed to go to closes or opens and that he can’t even guarantee they’ll seat us because he never made a reservation. While I was not angry he could tell I was sad & asked me why I was upset. I clarified I wasn’t angry just discouraged that he didn’t make any reservations when I thought we were both pretty clear about doing something and I was just confused. I didn’t want to argue so I went into the living room to cry and play on my ds until I wasn’t sad anymore. I feel good enough to go back to bed & when I woke up that Sunday he gets up and tells me he’s leaving to work. I was very confused because we both communicated setting that time aside to do brunch but all of a sudden he had work. I was hurt by that but I didn’t want to argue with him as he was leaving so I just said ok. I felt unimportant by the lack of communication the idea that he was going to leave me home alone thinking that plans were just cancelled. I didn’t want to be alone so I asked my friend to drive me my mother’s so I could spend the night alone and think. I understand it’s wrong to leave but I felt hurt I didn’t want to fight over why this situation wasn’t fair to me. I moved away from my family to be with this person I pay for our rent, groceries, trips, & any fun gifts or treats inbetween. I don’t say that to hold it over anyone but I would’ve loved recognition for those things especially on our anniversary. When I messaged my boyfriend I was leaving I just told him I needed time to think and that the way he handled the situation left me feeling unimportant. I’m too sad to fight over the issue I made sure not to be mean just wanted to make it clear he did hurt my feelings. He responded to my text “so you’re upset that I have a job?” Which doesn’t fair I have no issue with him working I thought we made plans and before Sunday he said he didn’t have work that day. I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings I just didn’t want to be left alone when it was suppose to be a happy day if I’m in the wrong I will apologize and promise to be more understanding.

Hey Everyone,
Recently, I (female, 30s) was ghosted by more than one friend. I feel like logically, I know I didn't deserve it but there is still this nagging feeling that I did. So I guess I'm just looking for outside opinions even if they are negative towards me.
To explain some of the situation, the first friend (Ghost #1) to ghost me was a female friend whom I was trying to have a heart to heart with. She was responding badly to what I was trying to talk about, so it wasn't a huge surprise when she ghosted. To summarize, basically I had introduced this friend to all of my other friends. Then surprise! They really liked her.
So she (Ghost #1) started getting invites to outings (by people I introduced her to) that even I wasn't getting. I tried telling her how this made me feel, that it made me feel used, left out, and that my friends (including her) didn't actually like me. I tried asking for her to include me more when these situations happened. So if she was invited out by people I introduced her to and she saw I wasn't included, for her to just include me and invite me. She didn't accept my feelings about the situation at all and she kept arguing, essentially telling me that my feelings were wrong. She also took it very badly, and said that I was being controlling and that I was accusing her of things. She also said that I should be taking up my issues with the people who weren't inviting me. She also didn't agree with me because according to her, I was only not getting invited because I could not go anyway (I work a lot of weekends and I don't have a car). For the record, there were some weekends where I could have joined but the only reason I didn't was because they didn't even try to invite me. I said back to her that it was invite that counted and that even if I could not go, the invite would make all the difference. But she just didn't agree or seem to want to understand.
I tried my best to understand her (Ghost #1) perspective, but because she wasn't trying to understand mine, it was really hard. But I did get what she meant about the accusations and the controlling aspect. I told her that I did not want to be that way but I was just hoping for some care and understanding. I also tried to get her to understand that I was only asking her to do what I had done for her. I just wanted her to include me the way that I had always included her. The only reason she met all of my friends was because I had always included her. Anyway, we were just not understanding each other and instead of continuing to try to talk it out, one day she just stopped responding entirely. I wasn't that surprised because it was obvious we had deep incompatibilities and she didn't seem to care much about my feelings. I was only surprised by the immaturity of her not being able to say something like "I need some time to think, so I need a break from responding" etc. But how she handled the rest of the conversation wasn't great either so that's why it wasn't that big of a surprise. She and I had been friends for 2 years.
Then something so horrible happened, I still can't even believe it and can barely type it out. My younger brother was killed by a truck over the winter holidays.
I had to tell all of my friends about this because they had to know why I wouldn't be responding for awhile. So I told everyone, except for Ghost #1 because at this point she had already stopped responding.
After telling people what happened to my brother, I didn't respond to any friends for about a month. After some time, I was able to start talking to people again. This was when I also realized that Ghost #1 had actually ghosted me. I didn't realise it before because I wasn't thinking about it. But after realising Ghost #1 had ghosted me, I was left with a difficult decision, should I tell people or not?
I decided to start telling people that Ghost #1 had ghosted me. The reason I chose to tell people was because as I said earlier, I had introduced her to all of my friends and she was apparently still socialising with them but not me. I wasn't sure if it was the right decision to tell others because I knew it would be involving them in drama they didn't ask for. But at the same time, when I introduced Ghost #1 to my other friends I was essentially "endorsing" her as a good friend but after her ghosting me I could no longer "endorse" her. Also, if my other friends didn't know that she had ghosted me they might inadvertently invite her or tell her things about me etc. Then the final reason was that if a friend had introduced me to a friend of theirs, I would want to know if they're a ghoster.
Anyway, so I told the other friends. The other friends didn't seem to believe it and the reactions were mixed but it seemed like they understood me and why I told them. At least they didn't seem to think badly of me.
But then surprise! Shortly after telling others that Ghost #1 had ghosted me, she got back in touch with me. Basically, she (Ghost #1) didn't apologize at all for taking long to respond to me (2 months) and she just provided condolences about my brother and said that she was there for me if I needed to talk about him. At first when I got this message, I thought it was kind of her. But then I thought about it more and realized it was a very self-serving message. She was essentially saying that she would not take any responsibility for how she hurt me. I felt that she was just using my brother's death as a way to make herself look better and get rid of her own guilt. Since she had ghosted me for 2 months, she knew I wouldn't reach out to her for support regarding my brother. So it was a very empty offer. It also put me in yet another shit position because now I had to figure out how to handle her new response. I thought about trying to hold her accountable again for the cruelty in her lack of actions but I was so tired of it. I decided to just send her a single emoji as a response (hands shaped in heart emoji). Another hard decision was figuring out if now I should tell people that she didn't technically ghost me?
I decided not to tell people that she had eventually responded. The reason I chose not to was because like i said I was really tired of dealing with her and talking about her. I had so much weight on my shoulders already and I am grieving my brother. I decided that if someone asked me directly if she had ever gotten back to me, I would tell them that yes she had. I would tell them that even though she did eventually get back to me, she did not apologize for her own actions and the message she sent was self-serving. And that even though she did not technically ghost me, she did spiritually because she only did the barest minimum so that she would not look bad. That is why I still consider her as having ghosted me and she is still Ghost #1. But no one ever asked me about her again.
Anyway, so then not long after that I was talking to one of the friends that I had introduced to Ghost #1. We were talking about doing a boxing class and it was difficult to organise because she and I had different schedules. Eventually we decided on a day, and I was getting ready to meet her for the class and she texted me to say she was stuck at work and couldn't come. She used a lot of crying emojis and apologized a lot. It seemed like she was genuine about the situation. I texted her back to tell her not to worry about it and that I was nervous to go to the class anyway. Then I asked her if she would maybe like to just go to a regular gym and use the machines. I told her that this might be better because then we wouldn't be confined to a specific day/time. And then I haven't heard from her since then (3+ months). So she became Ghost #2.
For extra context Ghost #2 seemed to really like Ghost #1. Ghost #2 was actually one of the friends who was inviting Ghost #1 out when I wasn't included. However, when I talked to Ghost #2 how it was leaving me feeling excluded and uncomfortable, she responded really well and it seemed like she really understood. Ghost #2 even put my feelings into words I had not even thought of. She told me that she hadn't invited me because she thought I could not come for various reasons. And then she said that she now understands she should have left the decision with me instead. I felt like she really understood me. Ghost #2 seemed like such a kind and genuine person. So when Ghost #2 ghosted me it really surprised me. I had been friends with her for over a year.
I know that there is a strong possibility that Ghost #2 ghosted me because of something to do with Ghost #1. But I will never know for sure. If it had been just Ghost #1 then I could've brushed it off and said it was just her but adding Ghost #2 to the mix has really damaged me. I'm thinking that maybe I did deserve it. Maybe I was being "too much" for them. Or asking for too much. Or I just wasn't valuable. Or that I did something wrong by not telling everyone that Ghost #1 did not technically ghost me. As if I was spreading drama or bad mouthing or controlling or manipulating etc. Or that I did anything to deserve it. I don't know.
So this wasn't the end of my ghostings. Eventually another friend who wasn't super connected to Ghost #1 or Ghost #2, started to take longer and longer to respond to my messages. So she became Ghost #3. Now it's been over a month since I've heard from Ghost #3. Ghost #3 did not super ghost me, because my last message to Ghost #3 didn't have any specific questions in it. But Ghost #3 indicated that they were really interested in hearing about a trip I was going on. But now the trip has passed by many weeks. And Ghost #3 never got back in touch with me, even though I was the last to send a message. Ghost #3 may still get in touch with me but she has never taken this long to respond before.
So finally, I had yet another ghosting by yet another female friend, Ghost #4. So Ghost #4 wasn't a close friend of mine. I met Ghost #4 through Ghost #3, they were once roommates. As far as I know, Ghost #4 and Ghost #3 are still good friends because the last I heard they also work together. Ghost #4 reached out to me to find out how I was doing because she knew about my brother. I responded back to her and tried to keep the focus on her. I asked her about her job and etc. And then I never heard from her and it's been over a couple months. What upsets me about this, is that no one asked Ghost #4 to reach out to me. I didn't. She could've just never messaged me. But she did and at first I thought that was nice of her but then she ghosted me. And it's just so senseless, that she put me through a ghosting when she didn't even have to message me.
So those are the ghostings. Most days I can rationalise it, that these friendships had already run their course and the extra stress was enough to break the friendships. I also think that ghosting has nothing to do with how kind someone is but how brave they are. And you never know someone's level of bravery until something bad happens. So I didnt know I was friends with so many cowards.
And for extra context we're not young and we're all women.
The major lesson I learned is that you shouldn't introduce friends too early because then it complicates the dynamics. That was what really kickstarted my problems with Ghost #1. I shouldn't have introduced her to all my friends and should have been more careful. But I'm struggling to learn anything from all the ghostings. Because it was so many of them. I still have that feeling that I deserved it. Because how could 4 friends ghost me within a few months of each other, if I didn't deserve it?
Anyway, I guess I'm taking it to jury of the internet to see what everyone thinks.
AITAH?

I’ll start off by saying I don’t know if im insecure because my ex used to cheat on me. but I feel see like my current boyfriend isn’t treating me right. (We’ve been dating for 11 months now) when we first started dating I had a look on his phone and he messaged other girls to have sexual interactions with while me and him were seeing eachother. then it went to some girl at the gym he knew he had matched with on tinder (she was hot he says) he looked her up on instagram chat to see if they had spoke on instagram? then his ex messaging him and he was entertaining it and deleted the messages. then he went to Bali for a boys trip. apparently some girl was trying to crack onto him and his friends had to remind him he had a partner. And last but not least. he told me he didn’t want to watch porn anymore because he felt guilty (I never told him to stop he said it) so I took his word, only to find out he still did it. He’s now stopped but he still looking at sexual girls on reddit, twitter and onlyfans. Because he’s “curious” I’ve tried to bring all of this up and he gets defensive and angry or flips it onto me. It makes me feel very poorly about myself especially when me and him have sex quite literally everyday. but he still needs to look at others. if we go out in public he always has a look at other girls. when he kept stuffing up I know I shouldn’t of but I stood on his level and would like guys photos so now he always flips that onto me. im 21. he’s 25. I’ve tried my hardest to make this relationship work but im the one that always feels like I can’t talk to him about this because he gets so angry and has tried to break up with me twice because of me sharing my emotions and I get angry and upset because he can’t seem to understand how this effects me. am I too sensitive?