Hi, I am looking for advice on things we should be considering.
My husband and I have been married for ten+ years. We have two kids, six and eight, and we live in my (tiny) hometown in a house I love, with a menagerie of pets. He also has a child from his first marriage that lives a few hours from us but that we talk to every day and see regularly. They’re a rising senior in high school and have a very booked summer and presumably busy senior year as well.
My husband is an attorney at a firm that's winding up a practice area after losing one of their equity partners. They offered him the option to move into a different practice area but weren't sure if they would have the long-term hours, pay his salary for six weeks, and let him find something else. For various reasons, we chose door number 2 (I supported this, as the partner leaving has made work extremely stressful, and I thought a fresh start would help). He spent the first two weeks applying for jobs and the last two weeks interviewing.
On Friday, he got two offers. One would be hybrid and be a slight raise, but it would be in the city he went to law school in, seven hours away, near his hometown. The firm has agreed to let him structure his time in the office so he could be there Monday and Tuesday, be back with us Wednesday to Wednesday, and then there for Thursday, Friday, or however we work it out. He needs to be in the office two days a week, but it can be remote three, and we can structure that flexibly to get him home for longer stretches. At least in the short term, he has many friends in the area he can stay with.
The other offer is more local, but is a huge pay cut, and he would only be making about 2/3 of what he makes now (it’s a more regional law firm). We have friends at the firm, and they have great work life balance, and fewer billable hours than his current job or the first offer. Some flexibility but not a lot of wfh options.
I work in a field where I could reliably find work if we moved, with a salary similar to his offer at a local firm. But I don’t want to move. I also don’t want to live apart from my husband.
Some other factors: I have a busy job and struggle with adhd and depression. I’ve had an exceptionally tough year mental health wise. We live close to my family and we have a lot of friends and family in the area (both of us! He went to college here and has lived here a long time at this point). We are very happily married.
Am I being selfish wanting to stay here? I really think there will be other opportunities and the pay cut sucks but we can work it out.

47M
5’7”
160lbs
vaped until a few weeks ago
Smoked in the 90s
Frequent bronchitis in high school (boarding school)
Seasonal allergies
GERD requiring 3 esophageal dilations
2 knee surgeries
2 weeks ago I went to the ER with shortness of breath, horrible coughing, and coughing out dark green/nearly black stuff.
They did the normal stuff, albuteral treatment, etc, with no improvement, so the PA ordered a chest CT with contrast.
The results of that CT showed a 2cm x 2cm x 2.4cm mass in my right upper lobe. The official results recorded, and signed off by both the ER attending and the radiologist was bronchogenic malignancy.
After I was discharged, I set up a pulmonology appointment with the University Hospital (I’m University staff/semi-hospital staff), and got my CT on DVD. At pulmonology, the doc briefly looked over the DVD, came back 5 minutes later, and said that because I’m 47, don’t smoke cigarettes anymore (I vaped a lot, plus THC-A/Delta 8 flower, so actual smoke), that its not possible for me to have lung cancer. I grew up around second hand smoke until I was 19, in a 1800s brownstone in Manhattan, NYC, during the time when there was a lot of radon being found in the area, and both my dad (adoptive) and stepmom died of cancer, and on my biological mother’s side, I know a few died from cancer, including one of her brothers.
He did schedule me for a biopsy, but said that as I’m young and otherwise healthy (??? I have an unknown muscle issue that may be immune system related, and have referrals to rheumatology and interventional pain management), but it’s probably a fungal infection, but he won’t do anything for it, at least not until the biopsy at the end of the month.
But I’m still getting light headed, coughing out blackish gunk, and needing to stop and catch my breath every few minutes.
Here a link to what I’m coughing out frequently

I have three siblings, one passed away which makes me the oldest daughter. My parents have always been an awful match but my mother doesn't want us to grow up without a father so she keeps him around us(My two siblings and I). The issue is that my father has anger issues and he always has. I recall watching a scene from a Hulk movie where his parents always argued and one day one of them killed the other. I'd always imagined this happening with my parents too. My dad abused my mother during her first pregnancy and continued these abusive tendencies throughout my life. Most of the things I remember are faint but throughout my childhood things were broken, the police were called, restraining orders were filed and birthdays were ruined. My father is an unstable person all around and I didn't realize this for a while because he worked out of town so whenever we saw him, he acted like Disneyland-dad.
I have always been insecure and during puberty I hated myself because I hated the way my body had been changing. There was one instance when I'd begun wearing bras and my mother bought me a new shirt. I liked the shirt but when I put it on my dad made a comment. My mother is dumb and this comment was very clearly about the way my chest had grown. He had said 'That shirt really makes your...eyes stand out.' It sounds more predatory now that I write it out. Little comments like these fueled my insecurity and made me begin to punch myself in the head. It was the only way I could think of taking my anger out. I didn't want to be like my dad and hurt other people, so I took it out on myself. I was around 8 years old then.
By the time I was in 6th grade, I barely felt like I belonged and I was figuring things out. Independence was something I wanted. This year, covid had hit and so we were locked inside. My father did not live with us due to a restraining order. My younger brother is my father's favorite child therefore this turned him into even more of an asshole. He became angry and emotional but then he began to be kinder and he stopped caring about the fact that he was gone. Life was honestly not bad. I believe we occasionally saw him and everything was fine.
Then he moved in with us again. He took over the living room as his own personal office which led me to sit in my bed all day. I wish I enjoyed being around him but I don't. I dislike being in my bed all day but I do and as my mother puts it I 'marinate' in my bed.
I speak very little of my mother but she also has some negativity about her. My mother refuses to put me on any sort of medication or to let me talk to a counselor because she doesn't want me to be taken away. The problem I see with this is if she thinks I'd get taken away, what Is stopping her from taking me and my siblings out of this situation.
She makes a lot of comments that fuel my insecurity. She is blunt and honest which is a good quality, sometimes.
Now, the whole point of this post isn't to go into my past, it is to talk about my future. I don't see one and I haven't for a while. My parents hold me and only me to high standards. My father even stated himself that the reason why he puts so much pressure on me and not my siblings is because he doesn't think they are capable.
I am a sophomore in high school. I have played soccer my whole life and it is something I've loved but I noticed that it has caused me to struggle in school. I don't want to go to community college but at this rate, I think that's the only thing I will be able to get into. I've been injured many, many times from sports and my parents haven't believed me the majority of the time. My father screamed at me over the summer when I told him I couldn't run because my shins were killing me. I even told him about how I'd been cutting myself and he told me he knew and that I had to still do the running. I just couldn't. Turns out they were fractured. Anywho. I have been doing well in school now that I am out of sports. I am passing all my classes with A's and B's and I think one C. I am proud of myself but this is not good enough. I am honest with my parents about these things but my father lectured me for an hour about how all I do is sit in my room.
I am on my way to junior year and I want to stop playing soccer. This has been a fear of mine for a very long time because It is my source of exercise and eating is a big struggle. So at this point in my life, I have an unbalanced and unhealthy eating style, I am depressed, I have anxiety and suicidal ideation. I don't believe that mental illness is the only reason why my life is the way that it is. I can't blame everything on that but It's sometimes hard not to. Anyways. I would like to get a job my junior year. At my school, junior year is the hardest year due to the advanced program that I am in. I fear I will fail. I already have to retake one or two classes in order to graduate but I can't retake a whole year. The fact that I want to quit soccer angers my parents. They believe I can do it all. I play for the JV soccer team and I basically have no summer because of soccer. The head coach is training us all as varsity players therefore I basically have no life. I want to get a job and I want to graduate college. I don't want to play soccer to only be on varsity my senior year. It would be a waste of my high school life. I don't want to spend it all being sad the whole time. I want to try and get a job to help with my anxiety and also to make money. I want a lot of things but my parents approval is what is stopping me. I was recently reported for suicidal ideation and once my parents found out I was yelled at.
I can't keep doing this. With soccer I see no future. I am not bad, I just don't feel passionate for it anymore. It is too time consuming.
I just want someone to let me know if what I want is irrational. I need someone who isn't biased to help me because I know my parents won't. I don't think I will win against them but I just want to know if anyone has comments about their experience in high school sports and managing school work.
Thank you.

Background: Schulich Grad who broke into Investment Banking (IB). No longer in the industry.
Goal: To set the narrative straight for incoming students.
Careers

• Lots of threads on ability to break into Finance/Consulting/Accounting.
• I see many current students complaining about their failure to land internships. The reason is because they are LAZY or do not know the correct things to do. Most likely the latter. Students who break into high-paying careers have worked their butts off. 1. High GPA is a must (3.7+) is a must. 2. Relevant extra-curriculars. 3. PRIOR INTERNSHIP EXPERIENCE: I’m seeing kids these days doing 2-3 UNPAID internships (across all schools) to land their dream job. Some ppl are unwilling to do this. 4. Networking like mad: Dozens of events, sent hundreds of cold emails, and had coffee chats with 70+ industry representatives in order to land a great job. I know kids who have send thousands of emails, FLEW to NYC for coffee chats. Again, all school’s successful students do this. Stop complaining that ppl have “existing connections” “parents help” “internships from high school.” Wtf are you talking about. Victim mindset. It’s not true. People work f*cking hard.
• IB/Finance: Last few classes had 6-15 students get an IB internship each year. This means the top 1-2% of the class break in. 90% of students who break in are an executive on YFC/YUSIF. Those who break in outside these clubs (and even inside) are usually diversity hires (banks have special diversity internships). Meaning if you are a really smart and hard-working woman, indigenous, or black person, you will likely be fine (emphasis on hard-working). Anything other than IB/PE/HF have low barriers to entry. I-Banks have limited seats for each school: 1-2 spots per bank on a good hiring year for Schulich. The best schools for IB (in terms of most spots) are 1. Queen’s 2. Ivey 3. McGill. Schulich is in the Rotman/Waterloo/Schulich/Laurier pile.
• Consulting: To preface, I never recruited for consulting. Unfortunately, Schulich has weak precedent for landing Mckinsey, Bain, BCG (MBB). I don’t know why. I think we might send 1 student per year here. What’s popular are other prestigious firms, and especially big 4 consulting. The target club for consulting is SCC- if you are set on consulting, make sure you get on SCC or it will be more difficult. If consulting is your thing, you’re better off at Queens, Ivey, Rotman.
• Accounting: This is one I am passionate about. DO NOT COME TO SCHULICH BECAUSE IT IS AN “ACCOUNTING SCHOOL.” It is insanely easy to get into big 4. You can get into big 4 from any school. Literally. Schulich has many spots for accounting internships. I got an offer at a big 4 accounting firm for an internship very easily, i turned it down.

Why Go to Schulich? vs Other Schools?

• Focusing near Ontario only, if you want a good career these are your choices: (Schulich, Queens, Ivey, Rotman, UofT non-rotman, McGill, Laurier, Waterloo, McMaster(maybe). Please do not consider other schools if you got in here (assuming career is your priority).

1. Way cheaper than other schools ($40K Tuition, can go to 24-30K if you maintain entrance scholarship + has many other scholarships + OSAP grant)
2. If you want/need to stay in Toronto. An underrated aspect of this is that you can do your networking in-person rather than over the phone/Zoom.
3. Easier curriculum, unlike UofT/Rotman
4. All doors are open, if you try hard enough. The school is very well regarded.
5. Schedule is pretty light. It’s possible to do a 2-day lecture schedule.
6. There is less competition at Schulich since it is a smaller program. (Relevant because you are often competition for "Schulich spots".)

Schulich Myths/Criticisms:

1. Lack of “Uni Experience”: this is true. you will have a much better experience at a non-commuter school. However, if you join clubs, go to class, you will have a great time. Since it’s a smaller school, i find a real sense of camaraderie that persists in the alumni base, and subcultures in the clubs are strong.
2. YorkU: this is also true, York is bad and unlike other business schools that are backed by solid schools (UofT, Western, etc.) there aren’t many opportunities outside the Schulich building.
3. Schulich is hard: Myth. Schulich is easy.
4. Schulich has a global reputation: I do not think this is true. If your goal is to go to the states, you are better off at Ivey/Western/McGill. Even Waterloo (esp STEM programs) and UofT are better recognized. Schulich is too small.
5. No Co-Op. This is a tough one. This is the only reason I consider Laurier and Waterloo as good choices. They offer co-ops during the school year which are much less competitive and they really control the spots for these. Schulich’s career office doesn’t help with internships. But, these programs also take a year longer. If you fail to land your dream interview at Schulich, you always have the opportunity to delay graduation and do off-cycle internships. You will have to find them yourself though - that is difficult but 100% achievable. Some students have even done 1/2 co-ops during the school year without delaying graduation.

The bottom line:

• Schulich is an amazing school. With all this being said. You can get to anywhere you want with a Schulich degree. But nothing is given, and nor is it at any other school. You must put yourself in a position to know the correct steps to take, and be willing to work insanely hard to succeed wherever. You can do this through speaking to upper-years who have succeeded, and joining respective career clubs.

I will answer all questions.

The mysterious gothic woman of STARRY’s PA booth, PA-san was never properly introduced. She is just always… there… as Seika’s ever-present shadow. Only ever called by her job title we don't even know her actual name.
I dug through the manga, anime, and Kikuri spinoff to see what all I could find on this enigmatic character. If there is any external official information about PA-san I missed then please let me know. Chapteepisode references are included where I could (manga: [#] anime: [ep#] spinoff: [s#]). There is some discussion of the PA/Seika ship.
Appearance: PA-san has long black hair and is one of the taller characters in the series. Like Bocchi, she is actually also one of the most well-endowed characters in the series ‘though it is also normally hard to tell due to how she dresses [75]. She likes to wear long dark clothes, has multiple piercings in both ears + one on her lower lip, and (‘though not directly seen in the main series yet?) has a split tongue [s12]. It feels likely that her habit of sometimes covering her mouth with her sleeve when speaking is to hide her tongue. She appears to be left-handed, which is easiest to see in how she holds her chopsticks in the anime [ep8].
It has long been noticed by fans that PA-san and Seika both wear a black choker almost all the time. It is unknown if there is a deeper reason for this or if it is just a coincidence. For what it is worth, we don’t see either of them wearing a choker in any of the flashbacks we’ve gotten so it does seem be a relatively recent addition to their fashion. That being said, their chokers aren’t exactly matching. PA-san’s sometimes has a ring attached to its front; in the manga Seika’s is consistently a bit thinner than PA-san’s while in the anime it just a bit lighter in color instead. It can also be noted there are also several other characters who wear chokers, most notably SIDEROS’s Tsuki (always) and Akubi (sometimes) [27]. Even Nijika and Kita’s outfits sometimes include one.
Personal life: Her exact age is unknown but she relates well with the other adults in their late 20's/early 30's. As a child she was quite active and sporty [75] but she ended up failing out of high school in her first year due to not being able to wake up early in the mornings. Even now this is hard for her to do which is why she likes night jobs [26]. Being low energy in general, PA-san is perhaps the least active of the main adult trio, preferring to simply observe the amusing antics going on around her. Along with Seika and Hiroi, she feels detached from normal adult society and is somewhat envious of the youthful girls. PA-san is especially self-conscious about her skin condition [26, s4]. She lives alone and is pretty lonely [38]. Outside of working at STARRY, she also livestreams playing video games as a VTuber under the name Otogi Alto (音戯アルト; the kanji for Otogi might be read literally as “sound-play”) [39]. Through that identity she became good online pals with SICKHACK’s Eliza as her oshi [s12]. Although PA-san comes off as the gentlest and most stable of the adults, she is able to be quite ruthless with a smile [24] and is just as capable of mood swings as the others.
STARRY: PA-san is the most trusted (and apparently only other adult) member of Seika’s staff. At the start of the series STARRY had opened up just “recently” so it seems likely PA-san has been employed there from the very beginning [1]. PA-san’s role as the… well… PA means she has perhaps the most technical job. But beyond that she backs up Seika by stepping in when any troubles arise (like when Yami was stirring things up) [23-4] and interpreting her tsundere-speak [ep5]. PA-san seems to find great amusement in observing Seika. She shows little fear towards her employer, regularly poking her about her soft spot for Nijika/Bocchi/Kessoku Band, calling her out on irrational behavior, and able to go as far as smashing a cake in her face without much hesitation [40].
In saying all of this, they do not really show obvious signs of being close outside of a professional relationship. It seems unlikely they knew each other before Seika hired her seeing how Seika didn’t learn of PA-san’s childhood until recently [75] and PA-san likewise hasn’t shown familiarity with Seika’s past. It is even technically unconfirmed if Seika herself remembers PA-san’s real name. As her employer Seika HAS to know PA-san’s name to some extent but we’ve never seen her use it. At the same time, Seika has also doesn't call her “PA-san” like the others, instead seemingly only using impersonal pronouns. There is a point in the manga where Seika could be calling her “PA-san” [26], but in context I think it is Kikuri speaking. In the end, it seems likely that Seika really does know her name and would use it rather than calling her "PA-san" but is too gruff to ever do so. On her part, PA-san similarly only ever calls Seika “Manager”, something Seika insists on even with her sister.
Various anime differences:
PA-san must've been pretty well liked by the anime staff because she was actually given several additional appearances and small interactions in the anime, which mostly solidify her identity as Seika’s shadow. Then in general, PA-san is always wearing a choker unlike in the manga where there are a few times she isn’t wearing it even at STARRY and, like Bocchi, her body’s proportions were made much more subdued in the anime's art style.

• OP: She appears in three places: 1) Standing behind Seika waving her arm. 2) In the background of (1) they seem to be back-to-back as her pierced ear and dark hair can be briefly seen before Seika and her gaze completely takes over the screen. 3) Standing near Seika at STARRY’s bar.
• Ep2: While Seika is watching Nijika freak out over Bocchi, PA-san mentions to her it looks like things will be fun with Bocchi around.
• Ep3: PA-san smells then compliments Kita on her shampoo.
• Ep5: PA-san stops looking at her phone to observe the Ijichi sibling drama. When Ryo shows Seika the picture of her sleeping with a stuffed animal, PA-san slinks up behind them to take a look herself and calls it cute. She giggles at Bocchi acting like a dog. PA-san watches Kessoku Band’s audition along with Seika and translates her tsundere-speech for them.
• Ep8: PA-san joins in the afterparty where she can be seen quietly drinking some kind of purple beverage next to Seika. Her one line is disagreeing with Seika that rather than Bocchi’s weird faces being scary they have got personality.
• Ep12: As her final appearance, PA-san seems to sense Seika getting excited about Bocchi’s surprise birthday present.

Despite the many additions, there were also a few appearances in the manga that did not make it into the anime.

• Ep8: Many of the teru teru bouzu Bocchi had made were really quite terrifying, so upon first entering STARRY, PA-san asks Seika when she had turned the place into a haunted house [12].
• Ep9: We see Nijika talking music and food with PA-san [14]. Along with most of the rest of this chapter about the girls studying for exams, the adults displaying their uselessness in helping the girls study got cut [16].

[Shipping discussion. Feel free to ignore.] I personally like the PA/Seika ship. They are almost always seen together, have interesting chemistry, are otherwise single, and – coincidence or not – their chokers are really hard to ignore. This sounds good enough to me, especially for a Kirara series. Seika does have other ships that fans support (Bocchi or Kikuri seem to be the other most common) but both of them have other good ships of their own while for PA-san it is basically just Seika, so I just naturally gravitate towards this pairing. But I freely admit there isn’t anything concrete in the series to suggest they’re much more than employeemployee with a good relationship. If they ARE in a relationship then they're doing a good job hiding it considering how even little-sis Nijika doesn't seem to suspect anything. They did have a VERY shippy chapter-art together [75], but the same happened with Bocchi/Ohtsuki [40] (among many others) and it might be best to just treat all of the artworks as the simple references they are.

Hi everyone
I, (M-17) have always been addicted to my phone and social media, especially when high school began. Due to my phone and social media addictions' highest peak and effects on me were during my high school years (I recently graduated and am heading to college), It affected my grades and GPA terribley and I barley passed my classes from 9th grade all the way to 11th grade, thankfully my senior year grades are much better.
My improvement in my senior year mainly came from deciding to delete the social media apps I had on my phone (Facebook, Instagram, ect) and recently, in the past few months, I've grown a deep hatred for social media and that it's not about actually socializing anymore but fame and clout and that people will do anything for it. People would rather watch and film someone in trouble for views rather than help them out (not that a scenario like this ever happened but I think you get what I mean lol) Gen Z and Gen Alpha kids (mainly gen alpha) have only ever known these devices and are exposed to so much brain rot and inappropriate stuff online that they have half a brain cell (not literally obviously) and made up a new language (rizz, glazing, gyatt, skibidi, ect)
People these days relay on devices and modern technology so much that they've gotten so lazy and don't have motivation to do anything and even though I don't know what the 90s and 80s were like, I bet they were a lot better than this, not in terms of technology and modernization but how life and people were.(if anyone here is a millennial, please tell me how your childhood was like compared to today) phones and devices in general have negative effects on the brain with an impairment on its development and a huge drop in attention span. (Looking at you TikTok)
People are more isolated and depressed than ever before with little to no emotional or social intelligence. They're always glued to screens with an average screen time of 7-8 hours a day (not sure about the stats to be honest) I'm willing to bet my life that a few decades ago, people always socialized with one another and kids went out and played together, not stayed inside on their phones and tablets.
(This is unrelated but politicians today are so corrupt and only want power and nothing else, not the betterment of the people, country or economy, correct me if i'm wrong but I think this is all throughout history and not just today. I haven't done much research regarding modern politics but I can touch on that deeper in another post)
Back to what I was saying, life today is just you going to work, returning home, eating lunch, then just chilling on your phone untill you go to bed then wake up and do the same thing all over again, you don't even spend time or socialize with anyone. I'm guessing that during the mid to late 20th century, it was the same thing, just with more social interaction and no technology which means that you could do more useful activities like exercising or reading a book.
(My hate spans from social media to technology to society, and even politics)
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not any better than today's kids, but I'm trying my best to do better things than procrastinating and being lazy. I want to hear your opinion on everything I wrote in this mini essay.
Thank You for your time

Stats: (upcoming senior)
UW GPA: 3.6 (unfortunately 3 C's on transcript), W GPA 4.2, 13 AP classes (rigorous schedule)
1530 SAT score / no ACT yet
Rural area (class of 500), top 5% of class, white, middle-class
Intended business major
EC's

• Started my own small e-commerce business and have made in the tens thousands range profit
• President of club at school
• State recognition in FBLA (business club)
• Works for school board
• Varsity sport (3 years) JV sport (1 year) ... sports all 4 years of high school
• Volunteer tutor (40ish hours)
• Had part-time restaurant job in high school (over $4 in raises in just two months)

Other important info:
Letters of rec should be really good to back my business-focused EC's
Essays should highlight my great interest in the field of business
Colleges I am interested in:

1. Georgia Tech (in state)
2. UGA (in state)
3. Emory (in state
4. Vanderbilt (if given scholarship)
5. UMiami (if given scholarship)
6. UPenn Wharton
7. Harvard

**Please chance me for T20's in general**, then maybe my top three since they are in state. Thanks!

I hate myself kasi there's a high chance na bumagsak ako this sem. Not literally na singko but from flat unos to 2.0-3.0s. Bigla nalang nawala yung drive ko to aim high for my grades. Buong sem nawalan ako ng gana, nag-cutting class nang maraming beses, skipped quizzes, and hindi na nagco-comply ng school tasks or late na. I just realized this during finals week when I checked my inbox besides sa mga unread/ignored messages from the past few weeks, nabasa ko yung chat ng instructor namin sa gc. Nag-final exam na pala sa course niya and na miss ko yon kasi wala na kong pakialam. I was too busy battling with my crisis na naoverlook ko na yung studies ko. 3 weeks na pala akong hindi pumapasok, hindi narin ako nagpe-prepare sa finals unlike dati. This week, may 2 final exams and multiple quizzes akong na-miss at tambak na pending tasks pero di ko alam bakit wala akong drive na i-accomplish yon like I used to.
I'm now scared because I'll definitely dissapoint other people, baka matanggal ako sa scholarship, pano pag nagkabelow 2.0 grade ako? hindi ako makakqualified sa president's list and won't get latin honors. I really need help...
I'm still doing things that I love pa naman pero pagdating sa iba wala nakong gana. I feel like there's a hole in my chest, and I don't know what to fill it with. I have a mental health problem, disrupted sleep pattern, and a sort of an addiction I formed. I really feel lost. Can't even seek for professional help, not in good terms with my fam, not even one knows the battle inside me. :(((

Let me explain my situation from the beginning, as it's quite complex:
I entered the USA on December 8, 2022, and since then, I've been attending a public high school in Georgia as a senior. Shortly after arriving, I discovered the Dual Enrollment program and managed to complete seven college classes within a year. Now, I'm about to graduate from high school.
Around November-December last year, I applied to several universities and got accepted into Georgia Southern, Augusta University, Columbus University, and Georgia State University. During this time, I learned about the HOPE Scholarship and was thrilled to find out I qualified, thinking it would cover my college tuition. However, I recently found out that due to my citizenship status, I am ineligible for this scholarship. This was a tough blow for my family and me, as we have been living in the USA for less than two years and have limited financial resources.
There's a law stating that if you have lived in Georgia for over 12 months before the start of your classes, you qualify for in-state tuition. Although my family and I have been residents of Georgia for over a year, my citizenship status disqualifies me from in-state tuition, meaning I am considered out-of-state.
After further research, I found out about some out-of-state waivers. I meet the requirements for one of these waivers, but even with this, paying for in-state tuition along with housing, books, and other expenses is still a significant financial burden. Since I do not qualify for any federal aid due to my citizenship status, I will likely have to pay everything out of pocket.
After discussing with my parents, we realized that even if I get the out-of-state waiver, the combined costs of in-state tuition and living expenses would be too much for us to handle.
I've heard about CLEP exams that can give credit for some classes, potentially allowing me to skip them, and fast-track programs that might help me complete a four-year degree in three years. Considering my Dual Enrollment classes, which include ENGL 1101, ENGL 1102, HIST 2112, PSYC 1101, SPCH 1101, MATH 1111, and MATH 1113, I think these might cover some first and second-semester requirements.
Given this, is there a way to reduce my time in school by taking extra credits per semester, like 18 to 20, and using CLEP exams or other strategies? I'm admitted as a Computer Science major, so any specific advice for this field would be appreciated.
I still have a few more steps to complete my enrollment at the university. If anyone is an international student or has experience finding ways to reduce costs, please comment or message me. I'm in a difficult situation and would greatly appreciate any advice.

So there’s this girl I grew up with, went to the same elementary school, church and middle school. We were close friends but I always had some kind of romantic feelings to her. I feel like that might also be the case with her.
We grew apart in high school as we went to different schools, but we would see each other here and there. I always loved how she would react when she saw me. She would always light up, sometimes scream and give me the biggest hug. Anyways we went off to the same college but never ran into each other or hung out, probably because we weren’t really friends anymore. I had a girlfriend freshman and sophomore year and when we broke up (4 years ago) these recurring dreams started happening about the girl I grew up with.
They always had a romantic aura to them. We would always be close in the dreams, kissing/cuddling/just being close. There would also be other times when I would dream of her and we were just talking at a bar or something. These dreams keep happening, I’d say I have 4 or 5 of them a year, for the past 4 years. I always wake up feeling so great and want to reach out and see her, obviously in a romantic sense. I feel like she would be a great person to just be around. Last time we saw eachother was my senior year of college (2 years ago) and it was the same big reaction from her. Her mom was also there and we had a nice time talking for 5 minutes or so. We reminisced about when we’re younger and she seemed so happy/excited when we talked about the past. Anyways she has a boyfriend now, lives in another state and I practically don’t know her anymore.
I sent her a message 3 months ago (last time I dreamt of her) just saying hello and that I was thinking of her and hope she’s doing good. She took some time to respond (2days) and was very nice but I felt like it wasn’t something I should pursue because of the aforementioned reasons.
I’m looking for some guidance what these dreams mean. In my head it’s God telling me that she would be a great girlfriend/wife, as she has qualities i want in my significant other, but practically it just doesn’t make sense.
I should also mention I had another girlfriend for the past year and a half (we recently broke up) and the dreams of the childhood girl never stopped during that time span.
Overall just very confused, thank you all for your time and comments!

In college, I got essay challenges for a chance to win a scholarship all the time and my mom would always push me to attempt them. I considered myself to be an above average writer and I enjoyed writing to speak my mind, so maybe I could’ve won one of those scholarships if it wasn’t for one catch: I could only write well if I was writing from the heart, and most of the essay prompts revolved around sharing my college experience which just so happened to be incredibly depressing. This would be reflected in my initial drafts, which my mom would then press me to re-write, insisting that they would never award me with the scholarship if I was so negative. This tap dance repeated for each scholarship challenge until I gave it to her straight that if she didn’t let me express myself with 100% honesty, I wasn’t going to write jack.
That being said, had I written a high quality cry for help through these essays, would I still have a shot at that scholarship, or do these schools have a problem with people speaking the truth?

Attention -> This guide is highly opinionated, if you're looking for a post from a perspective from a highly experienced dev then you should probably stop reading and check out other posts. I've been working full-time for over 2 years only but I've been a part of startups in different capacities for the past 4 years, either as an intern or a contractofreelancer. Resources might be outdated but still check them out and decide accordingly, but in my opinion you should read my post since, I fall under these buckets ->

1. NON CS and Tier 2/3/4.. College -> I had 50k+ rank in JEE and was only able to land Civil in a Tier 3 college due to home state quota, later got a circuit branch from branch upgrade.
2. Off Campus Placement -> I had already started freelancing since culture at a company is a very very crucial to me and I loved the freelancing lifestyle this I skipped on campus placements altogether. Also due to freelancing I was making more than what all the companies who were part of our placement drive were offering.
3. Got placed primarily due to my past experience and projects as opposed to my CP ranking -> I asked my HR why was I hired and she mentioned that it was my past experience + projects which caught their attention, of course I went through their standard selection rounds but they still preferred my profile over Tier 1 students with good coding platform ranks due to my past work experience.
4. Consistent earning -> While someone can dismiss my current job as a fluke I've a history of making good money($20K in 6 months from scratch) through freelancing with multiple clients and was able to translate that experience into a job at a startup as well. My PPO comp was 40 base and a very sizeable portion of equity of a very fast growing startup. If we were to do the cringy CTC calculation it was a 1 CR+ job offer.

What makes someone hire a candidate?

I've interviewed over 40+ people and 4 batches of interns. Working at a startup has allowed me to be very close with recruiting process and work with recruiter with over 10+ years in premier MNCs and startups and there's a lot that goes into hiring but I think it can be put into some buckets.
Hiring for interns/freshers -> We personally don't hire for freshers roles and instead all junior devs go through our intern process but this is where the most non traditional profiles can break in tech early. I've noticed that for senior roles a lot of emphasis is given to the the companies they've worked in and which team were they a part of. Working folks might be aware that for senior roles usually the hiring manager personally have a chat before adding the candidate in interview pipeline and based on our debriefs I've noticed that institute rarely comes up but rather their work at the teams that they've been a part of takes the highest priority. Now a argument can be made that being from a Tier 1 institute allows the ability to get a headstart but a lot of folks are able to breakthrough into big tech even after working at WITCH so entering into high paying startups isn't that big of deal for them as tech profiles converge the more experienced one get. For interns and freshers a solid development and a mix of coding platforms experience should get you a job in startups with a very high probability.
To put more emphasis in why profiles matters let's take a look at a couple of profiles that I'm personally aware of ->
My friend working at a High Growth Seed Round
Highlights of his profile ->

1. Very very low ranking Engineering College.
2. No prior intern at a big company instead mixture of work at small startups and his own ventures.
3. Didn't apply for a job at all since he was also happy as a freelancer but finally decided to work at a startup and got a job in flat 16 days.
4. Comp-> 16 lpa base + seed round equity.

The best part about this friend why how deep his profile was. He has always been passionate about computers since school time and had experience in cyber security, crypto, fullstack-development,etc. As you can guess the secret of how quickly he was able to get a job was how many past experiences he had. When he started finding jobs at wellfound.com he was able to get calls from a couple of startups and he had a offer within 20 days. Wellfound was a a suprisingly good place to find jobs at small startups since my friend was able to receive a lot of calls for interview rounds.
My batchmate working at a FAANG equivalent MNC ->

1. Same college as mine.
2. Prior intern at a MNC but overall mid projects and a couple of development profiles and hackathons under his belt.
3. Average codeforces profile but experience of solving a lot of questions hence able to breeze through leetcode rounds.
4. Got a on campus placement here so didn't apply anywhere.
5. Comp -> 20l base + ~60l in equity.

His profile is a mix of development and a lot of coding rounds but the curious case in his case was how a lot of candidates with similar profiles in coding platforms or even better were knocked out from the selection process in the system design round. His previous experience in development surely helped him here in comprehending system design case studies and hence he was able to ace this round whereas others with better coding profiles weren't able to do so.
My batchmate working at FAANG and now a high growth startup ->

1. Same college.
2. Prior intern at startups and deep experience in development since school which includes projects in full stack development, compilers and couple of hackathons.
3. Better than average codeforces profile and breezes through standard OA rounds due to lots of practise.
4. Comp -> 50+ CTC at FAANG earlier and 25l base at a startup now.

His profile is similar to the first profile but way more competitive coding experience as well. Similar deep experience in projects and very passionate about software engineering and computer science in general.
A common pattern amongst the profiles posted above and mine is development experience allowed us from low tier colleges to be able to get a job quickly. This matters a lot since you'll get calls for interview rounds doesn't matter how tough the market is though what will fluctuate is how much are these companies are offering.

All of your eggs in one basket

It's pretty easy to see how big the market for DSA and Algorithm is. Youtubers are popping left right and center, but is it worth investing all of your time in getting a great rating in Codeforces. First thing first let's make this very clear that standard interview questions are very different than competitive questions and while it is true that due to market saturation some companies have resorted to asking questions that you would see as part of codeforces rounds in their OA. This though isn't the norm and you can do fine if you're good enough for Leetcode rounds. My whole post can be described that we need to stand out from other profiles if we fall into buckets of Low ranking colleges , Non CSE branches, etc.

Resources

The following section is a collection of resources that I and my friends used during the placement process ->

1. Roadmaps -> Roadmaps, Roadmaps, Roadmaps. Youtube is filled with didi bhaiya trying to come up with the best roadmap that they can. Honestly speaking while there's nothing wrong with that I always prefer roadmaps which are open source and updated time to time by community or the author to stay relevant. Go to roadmap.sh and pick paths. Focus more on topics rather than content, find whatever resource you can to read up on topics rather than sticking to one youtube channel. Similarly for people who might not be from a CS background the Open Source Society University is a very popular roadmap to follow.
2. Resume -> I used the variations of the following template. Overleaf is a solid platform for creating resume in latex. Keep your resume simple and keep on iterating with what you should and shouldn't have. If you want you can always ask recruiters what they found nice in your resume and double down on expanding those sections.
3. Freelancing Platforms -> Personally for me Upwork worked very well, I was able to get the chance of working on a lot of high paying jobs but based on what I've heard from candidates and personally managing profiles for a couple of friends the platform seems to have shifted in terms of job quality a lot. I'm noticing a lot of low quality jobs, underpaid jobs which has made it highly unlikely for new candidates to break through here. I would personally not recommend Freelancer and Fiverr since they have low quality, low paying jobs as compared to Upwork. Also fiverr follows a marketplace model so hard for non experienced folks to get discovered.
   1. If you're a experienced dev and have a solid profile and need a better platform as compared to Upwork checkout Toptal and A.team.
4. Job Platforms -> I personally had a great experience with Cutshort since it apart from applying on jobs as a candidates also has a strong emphasis on recruiters reaching out to candidates. Apart from that I've had a good experience with LinkedIn jobs purely in terms of response times. Atleast recruiters reached out quickly even though the quality of jobs wasn't great. As mentioned above wellfound.com is also a good resource for finding startup jobs. Apart from this cold mailing recruiters should be a part of your job hunting cycle. We used to go over startups which were recently funded and then messaging their client or staff for queries regarding openings.
5. Youtube channels -> I usually relied on the following channels during my prep and I what I usually watch as well.
   1. Traversy Media -> Followed his tutorials the most.
   2. Academind by Maximilian Schwarzmüller -> For learning full stack development I've mostly used his courses and honestly speaking they are amazing. I've also heard great things about her courses, Dr. Angela Yu.
   3. Tech News and General Tech Videos -> Fireship.io, Ben Awad, Devon Crawford, ForrestKnight. They Ben and Devon aren't posting these days but they are the reason why I found tech to be super cool.
   4. DSA and Algo Training -> Stick to no nonsense channels like TUF, Back To Back SWE, CS DOJO, Tushar Roy, NeetCode, Nick White, Priyansh Agarwal.
      1. Couple of websites which I liked a lot of practise includes USACO Guide, CP Algorithms, CSES.

The above post is a very opinionated post about what helped me, let me know what helped you in your job hunt.

I posted about a month ago, a very controversial post :) that got 12 million views by accident. To sum it up since I deleted the post, I wrote that we had been together 8 years since meeting in college at a prestigious public-ivy, married since end of 2023.
I (27F) just started my last year of medical school and he (27M) just moved across the country to start his new job. I wrote, very superficially, that he made 315K a year, was 6'4, blue-eyed, owned a beautiful 1 acre home (queue I'm looking for a man in finance, 6'5, blue eyed...jokes!!) and that we'd be making 600K combined by 32. We had done a brief open relationship prior to engagement and with the recent move, we discussed re-opening the relationship just for casual company (san intercourse) only while we were doing distance. Some were questioning how I could trust the "sans intercourse" but this man is honest to a fault, has told me other people are much better at xyzzy but consistently reassures me that xyz doesn't make for a solid life-building partnership. During my birthday in April, and he had spent the whole week meeting other women. I wrote that he gave me 6K prior to leaving for my debts but I was in extreme emotional distress.
https://ibb.co/DQRhCKp (proof for the doubters)
Half the thread called me superficial, I just wanted to thank everyone for their feedback. I grew up in a monetarily blessed but chaotic environment (mom was abusive, dad died from cancer when I was in high school) and after he died, money was always the forefront of our concerns. I emphasized that I grew up in one of the most expensive parts of CA where houses are $1.5 million average for a 1800sq place, and mom to this day has never earned more than 50K in her career in ministry. I'm taking 250K+ out in medical school loans, and I have merit scholarships of 65K total over the 4 years. It's stressful as hell, and why I emphasized it in my post. I clarified in the comments that we don't spend much on designer bags/cars/luxury apartments or anything. In total, we spend maybe $200 each on clothes/camping gear for him a year, had a wedding under 8K and an e-ring under 2K. We just want to build a legacy in the work we do, want to ensure our future kids are comfortable, and to start a meaningful fund for the community we end up living in.
That being said, the thread shifted my perspective so significantly, I have never felt luckier in my entire life as crazy as that sounds. We had a lot of conversations since the post was made, and I finally feel safe and secure in my marriage, a feeling I thought I would never feel with any man. He told me that as long as I gave him the word, the open relationship would end. I have yet to do say that, but he has not seen anyone since the post. He has his freedom but has chosen not to do anything and expressed a lack of interest in doing anything on his end.
I'm with a man who supports my career goals (side eye at Kansas Chief's Harrison), who provides both emotional and financial support, who makes me feel fully seen, who is so proud of me. He has consistently put my pursuits first and moved for my career years ago, and he'll do it again when residency comes. Tons of my colleagues are worrying about Hinge in residency and others worry about "the clock ticking" but I'm grateful that I have found my person.
Don't get me wrong, I read every single comment for the last few weeks. His actions were in poor taste but he is a good man. No man I've known or met is perfect, but he is recognizing that he can be too self-serving at times too. I'm a huge proponent of therapy, and that is working well. I am not encouraging anyone stay in a toxic situation at all, please don't if you are. Just an encouragement for those out there that sometimes there's an opportunity to both grow together, in a way that doesn't constitute divorce. We're committed to improving individually and together and will continue building so cheers to that.
I set a reminder in my calendar to update in 10 years. All the best to everyone, nothing but gratitude and positivity.
:)

To whomever this relates to/helps:
I was never protected as a child. And therefore, i grew up with this mindset of being used and disposed of. I spent 24 years of my life feeling very similar to a way a spare tire feels; it's good it's there but no one needs to actually every think about it until they need it. When someone was angry, they came and found me. When someone wanted to lash out, they came and found me. When someone needed someone to blame for everything wrong in life, they came and found me.
But my story of knowing something was wrong started when i was really young. I was a child who was desperate for a peaceful environment; desperate enough that i sought out my school counselors for relief.
I think my school counselors always knew something was going on. I was anxious, depressed, and always in there office with stories I'd make up that were adjacent to what was going on at home; but with different characters. Never specific enough to gain enough of their attention, I was always careful not to divulge too much information. My parents warned me at a young age that if i ever "told the truth" about what went on in the house that they'd take me away from them. But, strangely, it would always be followed with "and if you think it's bad here; it will be worse there."
So i stayed quiet. Every couple of years, spaced enough that it would be different counselors i'd visit, when i would break; it would be a new person who knew nothing of me or my history. The advice would always be the same, to a point where in high school, I would give them the advice they were ready to give me in a sort of angsty-angry way. I told myself that the issues that went on were my fault. If only i was smarter, if only i was skinnier, if only i was prettier; maybe then mom would unconditionally love me. Maybe then dad wouldn't use me as his punching bag when he was angry. Maybe if i was actually worth something, they would see that and stop the abuse. Unfortunately; I'm here to tell anyone with that mindset this: it will never happen. When they run out of reasons; they'll just start to hate you more consistently.
I say this all to provide context for this:
Before this phase in life; i would take this abuse on the cheek and keep going with my life. I would block it out as soon as it happened and "turned it off". I was able to do that so seamlessly. I felt like these were just "things that happen in a family".
During high school and college is when the reality of years and years of being the black sheep of an abusive narcissistic household started to take its toll. I was sexually abused by multiple boyfriends in high school, I started to use nicotine products, I started to drink recklessly, and i entered into the darkest depression i ever had in my life.
And on the outside; it looked like nothing had triggered it.
By freshman year of college, I started to become so devastatingly depressed that i lost 20 pounds, stopped showering, and couldn't function as a human being. I wanted to die. Not kill myself; i never got to suicidal ideation. But i certainly wanted to die. I would beg god to take me away every day. Even thinking about it now brings up some hard feelings.
Sophomore year of college i met my Narcissistic ex-boyfriend. Who ill name Steven for privacy purposes. Steven saw a very vulnerable and scared girl and found an opportunity within that. Steven ruined my entire life; he imprisoned me in our relationship and it got so bad that i feared for my life at the end. He stalked me, he was the scariest man ive ever encountered. But i realized something in Steven that made me have a breakthrough - Steven reminded me of home. Our ups and downs felt like home to me. That feeling scared me.
Junior year of college I was raped by a man who was 10 years older than me. And it was so traumatizing to me that i could not go to a class I had because the teacher resembled him and it would put me in fight or flight every time.
Senior year I moved out of my home after finding a job and my parents, who seemed supportive at first, completely estranged me and threw all my winter clothing out just to spite me for "leaving them".
24 years old now: I am finally escaping the situation and taking back my voice. With the help of spiritual healers, an amazing therapist, and a family of friends who truly love me; i am escaping and going no contact the second my foot hits the door. I am not afraid. I am not "someone's daughter" or "someone's sister" or the "black sheep". I am me.
I say this to tell you all: anyone who feels stuck right now in their situation. Your freedom is within you. I recommend CBT and EMDR to really hone in on that healing power. You are strong, you are one, you are infinite love. You will escape and when you do; dont ever look back.

So to provide some context, I (28F) recently started a law firm with my mom, who is an attorney. I was working on my own business at the time, but when my mom’s paralegal up and left her right before Christmas, she needed help, plus I had experience starting a business and was previously in the legal field, so I agreed to come on as her legal assistant/business helpeetc. We agreed on a set weekly amount for pay, which wasn’t crazy high but solid and I felt like I could use the opportunity to help my mom build something lucrative after leaving her old firm (where she was severely monetarily taken advantage of, and is going to have to sue her old business partners for what they owe her + her partner investment at the old firm, but that’s a story for another day) The thing is, I was wary going into this my mom would not be able to financially keep our agreement, because she has big dreams and ideas but doesn’t always take the practical steps in terms of things like budgeting (the fights and struggles this has caused in my house between my parents my whole life and the financial issues we’ve experienced as a result have shown me she has no plans on changing this but I am also empathetic because she is crazy busy and my other siblings, one who is severely mentally ill and lives at home, take up an insane amount of time)
Now I want to hammer in that my mom is a good person, with a big heart. My dad is a good person too, which is why I feel this situation is so difficult for me to navigate. They have their issues and personally to me, seem to act like children in many ways in how conflicts are handled and how they emotionally react (my mom especially, she cares so much how people feel about her but doesn’t realize that her fuse is short and she will just yell and scream at everyone) They have not had an easy set of cards dealt to them in regards to all of us kids and the individual issues, and I have always had so much empathy for them. However, the older I’ve gotten and more I’ve experienced, the more I realize a lot of the issues we had growing up, whether it was financial or my siblings behavior and issues, probably could’ve been handled in a much healthier way which would’ve saved a lot of the pain experienced by continuing the cycles and behaviors that were causing the issues in the first place. My parents stayed married, but basically tolerated one another and never had a united front, were always talking bad about one another and could never agree on proper ways to fix what was happening, so it was a chaotic mess all the time, where the more difficult kids were enabled and it felt like those of us who actually had more of our shit together, were just expected to either help with it or just deal with the fact they didn’t have time for us because of the time my siblings took up. An example of this would be when I was in college, I was on a full scholarship (full tuition, but not room and board) because of my academic and athletic scholarship, so I ran track and XC to help pay for school. I worked two jobs as well to pay for my rent, and barely slept as I was in pre-med. I am the oldest of the 6 kids in my family, and in my family, I was the good kid. I didn’t ask for much, always figured my stuff out, etc. They “never needed to worry about me” so they didn’t. However, during that time when it went to school, my dad lost his job and my parents were fighting more and more. My siblings had less tolerance for their “bullshit” but they also fought each other because of the issues at home. Therefore, they began to struggle a lot. My mom was always borrowing money from me and I had no idea when I’d get it back. I would struggle and could barely afford my NEEDS. I barely bought books I needed and would often be finding ways to take pictures of my friend’s books, etc. Anyway, this was consistent and even to the point where I could not buy myself the sashes and what not for my graduation (I was in the honors courses, extracurricular, scholar athlete, Greek life, graduated top of my class for my major etc) because my mom had borrowed almost 1000 from me…and gave it to my sister who was studying abroad. This sister has never cared about taking my parents money or caring about how their financial situation affects everyone. She has since been diagnosed with BPD…I get that I have some unresolved family issues, so that may be coming out as I type here, but I also wanted to provide context into why I feel the way I do. I was also heavily parentified being the oldest, with an extreme sense of responsibility, even as an adult, for the well being of my siblings and parents. I have”sacrificed” (I say it in quotes because I know it was my choice and I take responsibility, but looking back I don’t agree with how it was all handled and felt my parents should’ve been more of the adults and allowed me to try and build my young adult like without the burden of caring for children that were not mine) a lot of time, money and opportunity so I could focus on trying to “save “ them (I have gone over this complex I have in therapy and I’m still working through it, but take responsibility for my actions in perpetuating the cycle)
I could go into more detail about the difficulties and struggles my parents face, and how life has gotten harder and harder for them. My mom is an enabler because she has trouble with people disliking her, yet burns bridges with people who genuinely care because she ends up accidentally taking advantage of them to focus on for example, her kids who are not actually doing anything to help and causing more issues in the family. My siblings are beginning to hate her, threaten to cut her off from meeting her future grandkids, etc I will be on the last line for cutting her off, because I genuinely believe she is such a loving person who has never been able to totally focus on her and has just been running on fumes for years. However, through therapy I’ve also come to recognize she is an adult who has had the opportunity to change her behavior (my dad too) to try and get a more positive outcome, but they have chosen to remain stubborn, and say it is because they have no time, but that part just isn’t true, it would take a lot of work and reorganizing at this point, but changes could be made. I have literally bought my mom therapy appointments, set them up, (I control her calendar for work so I know when she’s free and I handle all business scheduling so I know what appointments are important to the firm so I try to schedule when we have a few days without major deadlines) and my mom still says she is too busy
Anyway, finally to the point of this post, my mom owes me over 10k in promised payment, and I have been working full time. She has given me the amount I’ve needed to pay my half of the rent at my place (I live with my partner, who is genuinely shocked at the behavior of my parents and our family dynamics, but is very loving and supporting regardless, even to my family) but besides that, I’ve just been floundering. I don’t know where the money goes after we bill, but my mom is always complaining we don’t have money in the account. However she has not forgotten she owes me, and always brings up how she wants to get me paid, but I am continuing to struggle and don’t know when that will happen. I know she will, but when? The other aspect of this is my sister (the one with BPD) just graduated law school and was supposed to help us with the firm to help pay for her bar prep and bar fees, but she has managed to avoid work and I know my mom is just going to pay for it all anyway. However, I’m not mad cause I’m very proud of my sister and what she has accomplished with her mental health struggles however, that means her work has fallen into me, and not only am I helping with my duties and hers,I am expected to set up all the automations in the firm, handle all the schedules and set up a business for success. That takes time on top of all I am doing, and my mom gets easily frustrated with technology and things and complains this should all be easier and we should get it set up to be automated, have draft emails, etc . I tell her that takes time and money, but she has this idea we can just hire someone to take on the extra work but I’m not even being paid right now, so even the money that could potentially go to me, the person working full time, would be given to a VA to help push the firm forward. I would be okay with that if I really believed we were on our way to making a successful sful, lucrative business, but because of all the issues at home, my mom has barely been able to work. She is emotional and has a short fuse a lot, and it’s hard for me to keep things moving when I need an attorney to do most of the big thing clients pay for when working with a firm. Now she has gotten ill (which I am so upset about but my guess is it is due to stress) and has been out of work for two weeks besides hitting deadlines that need to be hit, she will call me screaming , crying (edit since input syringe instead of crying the first time) that she can’t do this anymore, can’t do the firm, etc. But then being happy and excited the very next day. I always tell her I just want her happy and to take care of herself, but she needs to let me know so I can find new work and build my life. I feel stuck in limbo and know I need to take actions to help myself, but I still wanted to try and help my mom as much as possible and see if the firm could still be built. However, yesterday my non working sister (studying for the bar) called me to show me the new outfits she had gotten and how she was going to go out with some friends, I love those types of calls from my sister but it made me realize my mom was still giving her money, fun money not just get ready for the bar money, and I’m here struggling and my partner is picking up the slack. One of my brothers, who I have lent money to multiple times in the last few months (he always pays me back in a timely manner) who said he couldn’t afford to do things he wanted and had to sell his EDC ticket, is now at EDC and my mom has no money in her account so my guess is she helped him. My dad works too so they are surviving, but she complains about the mortgage and bills to me a lot, so I feel guilty adding to her stress especially with her being sick, but I’m kind of at the end of my rope here after seeing she is still not prioritizing paying her employee (even if I am her daughter and have a lot of empathy for the situation)
I know I wrote a lot but I feel like I could have provided so much more context. Once she is feeling better I know I’m going to have another talk with her, but I don’t know if I should just say I’m done once we finish up our current case load and to not bring on any more clients unless she hires someone else cause I feel she’d be more likely to pay them. I want to believe it could be different and my mom could figure out how to build this firm professionally going forward, but I just don’t know if I’m being idealistic. Anyways, I do really wish I could get the money I’m owed to put into my own business that I have put on hold to do this (thinking I could help my mom AND save some money to put towards my own business which my mom was on board with and wanted because she sees the firm as a way to help all the kids finance their own dreams, and she really means that which is one example of why I say my mom is genuinely a good and kind person who loves her kids) part of me wants to say that if she wants to keep saying she “can’t do this” anymore that I am quitting and I hope she takes the time to focus on taking care of herself because I can’t stand by and watch her do the same stuff that will stress her into an early grave which genuinely scares me but is how I feel. Granted even if she isn’t working she is kind of addicted to stress so it may not change anything but there is part of me that hopes it would. Plus, they obviously need the money so it is probably just wishful thinking.
Anyway, sorry for the ramble, maybe I needed to get my feelings out, but I am wondering if anyone has any advice? Have you been in a situation like this and how did you handle it? Please be kind to my parents, but truthful as any help would be appreciated.
TLDR Summary
Busy Mom of 6 with good heart is my employer and has not paid me what is owed, but spends money on my siblings and has a history of doing things like this. I know she is struggling financially. How do I approach her and what is my best course of action to resolve and help versus just being harsh and cutting it all off?

In a fascinating study, evidenced for a possible landing sight for Lehi in America has been discovered within easy travel distance to Palmyra, NY. If substantiated, it could add weight to an Atlantic migration, the controversial Solutrean Hypothesis, in addition to the traditional Siberian route. https://www.washingtonpost.com/science/2024/05/19/first-americans-chesapeake-parsons-island/
The link is behind a pay wall. Here’s the article
PARSONS ISLAND, Md. — With the Chesapeake Bay sloshing at his knee-high boots, Darrin Lowery stood back and squinted at a 10-foot-tall bluff rising above a narrow strip of beach. To the untrained eye, this wall of sandy sediment is the unremarkable edge of a modest island southeast of the Bay Bridge. To Lowery, a coastal geologist, its crumbling layers put the island at the center of one of the most contentious battles in archaeology: when and how humans first made their way into the Americas. The story of the first Americans has long been a matter of public and scientific fascination, undergirded at times by vicious disagreements. The timeline of when people arrived has shifted earlier in grudging steps over the past century, and scientists today mostly agree people were in the Americas at least 15,000 years ago. Story continues below advertisement
Lowery’s site and others like it could revise the story again, pushing back the timeline earlier than most experts thought possible. In total, Lowery and a motley crew of collaborators have discovered 286 artifacts from the site on the island’s southwestern edge. The oldest, they reported, was embedded with charcoal dated to more than 22,000 years ago, a time when much of the continent would have been covered in ice sheets. If Lowery is right, Parsons Island could rewrite American prehistory, opening up a host of new puzzles: How did those people get here? How many waves of early migration were there? And are these mysterious people the ancestors of Native Americans?
Casts of tools found at Parsons Island are seen on display. Lowery and his team have unearthed 286 artifacts from the site so far. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) New claims of sites dated this far back face a wall of skepticism, rooted in legitimate scientific scrutiny and in the threat they pose to long-entrenched views. To complicate matters, Lowery — who has been affiliated with the Smithsonian but does much of his work independently — presented the results of his study of Parsons Island in a 260-page manuscript posted online rather than in a traditional peer-reviewed journal. The peer-review process is designed to help validate scientific claims, but Lowery argues that in archaeology it often leads to a circle-the-wagon mentality, allowing scientists to wave away evidence that doesn’t support the dominant paradigm. He says he isn’t seeking formal publishing routes because “life’s too short,” comparing this aspect of academic science to “the dumbest game I’ve ever played.”
The island is also a challenging site to study for a variety of reasons — most poignantly because it is rapidly eroding as the land subsides and sea level rises. The spot where the artifacts were found is now covered by the choppy waters of the bay. “The visit reinforced my will to invest my time into this time period, because it’s a very fragile record,” said Sebastien Lacombe, an archaeologist at Binghamton University, who visited the island in 2017. “It’s at risk of disappearing, and we’re at risk of [allowing] these sites and artifacts to lose their meaning forever.” ‘A weirdo kid’
Darrin Lowery walks a beach on Parsons Island. Most of the artifacts were excavated by erosion, discovered on the beach after they had already fallen out of the bluff. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Lowery began exploring the Chesapeake shoreline as a child, wandering his backyard on Tilghman Island, about 15 miles southwest from Parsons Island. In 1977, 9-year-old Lowery picked up a distinctive fluted stone projectile point. A few years later, he saw something similar on a documentary on public television, in which a Smithsonian archaeologist explained it was a Clovis point, a relic of what most people then believed were the first Americans. For the last half of the 20th century, the peopling of the Americas followed a tidy narrative. Humans traveled from Siberia across a land bridge that connected Asia and North America during the last Ice Age, when sea levels dropped. They then migrated southward around 13,000 years ago, when the ice sheets covering the continent retreated and exposed a previously impassable inland route. These people — named after a site in Clovis, N.M. — left behind distinctive, fluted stone points that have since been found scattered across North America. Story continues below advertisement
Lowery turned to his dad and said, “I found one of those.” He found more by walking the shoreline every day. Lowery made discoveries as he meandered, and he began to understand how seasonal patterns, sediment movement, wind and waves could unearth ancient treasures. “I was a weirdo kid,” he recalled. He trained as a geologist, and it was geology that initially attracted Lowery to study Parsons Island. In 2010, he published an article in Quaternary Science Reviews describing layers of windblown silt deposited between 13,000 and 41,000 years ago at Miles Point in eastern Maryland. But the geological record is like reading the CliffsNotes version of a book, and he was frustrated by an “unconformity” in the sediment layers where thousands of years were missing, like someone had ripped out those chapters.
Parsons Island is rapidly eroding. The archaeological site is now covered by the Chesapeake Bay. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Lowery and a colleague were prowling around in a whaler, looking for a spot that might fill in the blanks, when they spotted a black streak of sediment rising up out of the bay. They pulled up to Parsons Island and thought they had found “the Rosetta stone” to decode the geology. Parsons is a 78-acre island less than a mile offshore that is privately owned by the Corckran family, which uses it as a family retreat. With the Corckrans’ permission, Lowery and colleagues began to visit regularly. The bluff layers preserved a remarkably intact geologic timeline going back more than 40,000 years. Then, one morning in August 2013, the team discovered a leaf-shaped prehistoric stone tool jutting out of this crumbling wall. They knew from the work they’d already done that it was probably quite old. Story continues below advertisement
On a recent visit to the island, geoarchaeologist Daniel Wagner demonstrated why. He stepped back to scan the cliff, then tapped a narrow spade into a light tan sediment layer just above his head. That, he said, is the geologic “chapter” where they’d expect to find Clovis artifacts. Lower layers were set down before Clovis. The palm-size tool Lowery and his colleague found came out of the dark sediment layer near their knees. The scientists used two methods to date the sediment around the artifact, both showing it was more than 20,000 years old. They scoured the beach on 93 visits and conducted a formal, top-down excavation, collecting the 286 artifacts. They sent out sediment to labs that specialize in studying ancient pollen and microfossils called phytoliths to help reconstruct the ecosystem at the time. Back then, this region wouldn’t have been a coastline. The sediment the tools are embedded in dates to the “last glacial maximum” — the scientific term for the most recent coldest period of the Ice Age. In the final analysis, Lowery thinks the artifacts may have been transported downslope before they were buried, making them between 15,000 and 20,500 years old. “This was a swale, where water was collecting,” Lowery said, envisioning the ancient landscape. “You’ve got a dune. It’s got sedges and small trees on it that are windblown and all contorted, and then behind it you’ve got a little pond.” That pond may have attracted prehistoric bison, musk ox and llamas, whose fossilized molars he’s found scattered on the island shore. And it may have been what attracted the mysterious people who left behind a cache of stone tools. A story in flux
Parsons Island is seen from nearby Kent Island in the Chesapeake Bay. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Parsons Island is the latest addition to a growing list of what are called pre-Clovis sites. But while the long-held “Clovis First” theory has crumbled over the past three decades, that has only deepened the debate about how much earlier the first Americans arrived. Claims of early sites present a challenge on two fronts. The first is technical: Dating a site convincingly can be difficult, depending on the context. Sediments can shift or be disturbed. What at first look like artifacts can turn out to be “geofacts,” created not by humans but by natural processes or animals. As a result, many pre-Clovis sites “enjoy a Warhol-esque 15 minutes of fame, and then they disappear” because of real problems with the geology or the methods, said archaeologist James Adovasio. In 1973, he began excavating Meadowcroft Rockshelter in Pennsylvania, which dated back 16,000 years. It was instantly mired in controversy, and the site still has its critics today. The second challenge reflects the culture of science. For a long time, people who claimed to find pre-Clovis sites were swimming upstream against deeply entrenched thinking. Tom Dillehay, an archaeologist at Vanderbilt University, began working on a site in southern Chile called Monte Verde in 1977, which was dated to 14,500 years ago. He recalled a group of researchers he calls the “Clovis police,” scientific gatekeepers who summarily rejected any pre-Clovis sites, sometimes for valid reasons and sometimes as a knee-jerk reaction. Monte Verde began to change that. In 1997, a group of respected archaeologists visited the site and declared it authentic. “It took about 25 to 30 years for Monte Verde to be accepted,” Dillehay said. “We went through hell.”
Holly, a German shorthaired pointer, runs across a bluff top on Parsons Island. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Lowery says he isn’t interested in running that gantlet. He noted that he drew on multiple labs and methods for dating the Parsons Island artifacts in an effort to ensure that any one extremely old date isn’t a fluke. He’s also invited other researchers in to visit and study the site. That approach irritates some scientists. David Meltzer, an archaeologist at Southern Methodist University, said in an email that he would not discuss Lowery’s claims “until they go through the wringer of peer review and get published.” Others like Stuart Fiedel, an independent archaeologist based in western Massachusetts who has been skeptical of other sites, say the site should not fly under the radar just because of Lowery’s unconventional process. Story continues below advertisement
“There are people I know in the field who will not pay any attention to it, because it has not been peer-reviewed, which I think is kind of sticking your head in the sand,” Fiedel said. “It’s there. We can’t act as [if] nothing’s been found there.” Share this article Share
A bigger issue may be the site’s rapid erosion. Most of the artifacts were found after they’d fallen out of the bluff, which means their place in the geologic timeline is obscured. Nine artifacts were found in place, and only three were able to be dated using charcoal flecks found next to them. Steven Forman, a geoscientist at Baylor University, helped date the sediment layers at Parsons Island, corroborating findings from another lab. He said that it’s hard to find the artifacts in the kind of bulletproof geological context needed to support extraordinary claims. “The case is not as tight as we like to see it with other sites,” Forman said. Michael Waters, an archaeologist at Texas A&M University who has worked on pre-Clovis sites and excavated at Parsons Island, thinks he probably got there too late, when most of the artifacts had already been eroded out. Still, he pays someone to monitor the bank profile on a regular basis, because he’s ready to jump on a plane if they see something in place. “Too bad we didn’t get there four to five years sooner,” Waters said. Enter ancient DNA
An ancient bovine tooth is among the fossils found so far on Parsons Island. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Parsons Island isn’t the only site that could dramatically push back human arrival in the Americas. Last fall, a study published in the journal Science described fossilized human footprints discovered at White Sands National Park in New Mexico that have been dated to between 21,000 and 23,000 years ago. That stunning finding suggests people were here during the Ice Age — much earlier than most experts thought possible if the first humans arrived via the Bering land bridge and inland corridor. The dates at White Sands are still being disputed because of questions about the methods. But the timeline collides head-on with another exciting line of evidence: studies of ancient DNA. By examining genetic material preserved in bones and teeth and comparing those samples to modern populations, scientists have been able to track when populations mingled and became isolated from one another, offering a new window into patterns of human migration. Story continues below advertisement
In broad strokes, they’ve found that the ancestors of Native Americans split from ancient Siberian populations no earlier than 23,000 years ago. The studies can’t say where such splits took place, but many scientists interpret genetic evidence to mean that the ancestors of modern people weren’t in the Americas until much later. Genetic studies suggest that Native American ancestors traveled into what is now the United States between 17,500 and 14,600 years ago. Joe Watkins, a senior consultant for Archaeological and Cultural Education Consultants in Tucson and a Choctaw tribal member, said that he sees a few problems with using the still-evolving DNA evidence to decide how ancient sites are related to modern-day people. “The reality is genetics does not equal culture,” Watkins said. He also argued that there are still too few samples of ancient DNA in the Americas to be sure they capture the whole story. “Trying to create population histories based on 10 people, if you will, is a little bit of a scientific conundrum,” Watkins said. It could be that additional ancient genomes will one day help fill in the blanks. Another possibility is that earlier sites could represent small, isolated groups of people who didn’t contribute to the ancestry of living Native Americans.
A tree-lined path leads to a beach on Parsons Island. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) “Let’s suppose you have a successful population colonizing an area, and then one day, 15 males go out and get eaten by a short-faced bear,” Lowery said. “You reduce the genetic diversity, and bada boom, bada bing, game over.” All this explodes the neat picture of one population migrating into the Americas as ice sheets retreated, hunting big animals like mammoths and giant sloths, driving them into extinction as they went. If there were small groups making their way into the New World, with different stone tool technologies, and far earlier than previously believed, how did they get here? People could have migrated along the coast by boat, following a “kelp highway.” It’s also possible the ice sheet was not as impenetrable as experts have long thought. Lowery’s longtime collaborator, Dennis Stanford, proposed that people crossed the Atlantic Ocean in what is known as the Solutrean Hypothesis, though that idea has been rejected by many archaeologists. To resolve the question, scientists need to keep looking for more evidence. Archaeology is a historical science, and unlike chemistry or biomedicine, where researchers can perform the same experiment over and over again to see if they get the same results, consensus is built by argument, counterargument and new evidence. To a certain extent, older ideas and prejudices also fall away as new people enter the field, said James Feathers, who performed dating on samples from Parsons Island before he retired from the University of Washington. “Sometimes you have to wait for people to die off,” Feathers said.
Alex Corckran, whose family owns Parsons Island, stands on a beach on the southern side of the island. (Michael Robinson Chávez/The Washington Post) Lowery is determined to keep motoring around the Chesapeake, researching the ephemeral landscape that he loves and that may contain clues about human prehistory. He acknowledges that the sites, perhaps a little bit like him, are “persnickety” but that shouldn’t deter interest in them. Instead, it should spur more. He noted that if a pod of silverfish was found gnawing on documents in the National Archives, people would be galvanized to act. “I view it as my swan song,” Lowery said, “to say you can learn a lot from [an] eroding site if you do a little bit of effort and look at it systematically.”
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Useless rant post ig. I live in the south and have a pretty vividly bigoted dad so coming out has never really been an option for me. I’m in my last few years of high school, and I’m planning on finishing my courses this summer so I don’t have to do my senior year. It just kind of sucks to look back on, I’m not really fortunate enough to pass without hormones, and tbh I’ve never really bothered trying because I feel like it would just make my life harder. I know part of this is on me, but there’s so much I didn’t do in high school because of the fact I’m closeted. I played volleyball in middle school and wanted to join a team but the uniforms made me too dysphoric so I never did. I never dated anyone because the whole presenting as a girl but not being one thing was too touchy. Definitely not the biggest problem in the world, but being a 17 yr old closet case with little dating experience is pretty bleak. I know two trans guys who are out and pass without hormones and it’s kind of grating to hear about sometimes, which feels shitty to admit. Overall being trans in Florida; 0/10 would not recommend. I admire everyone who chose to deal with their teenage years while out—and had the courage to do so, but I do not.

Another post on here made me think about my friendship history. In high school I had a friend group that suddenly started ignoring me for no reason (I never got closure) after which I was socially isolated for my entire senior year (and covid hit right after lol). Nowadays I refer to it as a social trauma because of how devastating it was and the lasting impact it’s had and still has on the rest of my life to date. I was already quite shy and socially anxious before the incident, but afterwards it just shot to a new level. I’m wondering if anyone has a similar experience with some sort of incident that had a lasting impact on the way you view friends & socialising.

Hey Guys,
So you may be aware that western scholarship has been approaching the topic of the preservation of the Quran in depth. In the 70s, Patricia Crone wrote Hagarism which led to the development of the Revisionist School of Quranic studies. They said that because the Quran mentions vegetation and because Mecca wasn’t as large as a trading hub as Muslim tradition represents, and because the Quran seems to reference such a wide gamut of sources, it was impossible that the Quran was compiled in Arabia, but must have been in Petra or a city with greater links to the wider world, and that it was written by comities over three hundred years after the prophet.
The secondary claim of the academics is that none of the Hadith literature can be trusted. Now, I do believe that some of the Hadith (perhaps more than we assume) may have been corrupted, but I do think academia is far too dismissive of the historicity of the hadith completely. I read the Hadith in precisely the same way that I read the old testament: both contain some Wahi - or revelation - but neither is the word of God verbatim, and if anything in them directly contradicts the Quran or aql, I reject it outright. That being said, I do believe some of it is historical and goes back to the prophet and is therefore part of the Sunnah and is Wahi.
Returning to our discussion: the discovery of the Sanaa’ palimpsest put the revisionist theory to rest as the entire Quran has now been attested to around 650 - Uthman’s Quran. However scholarship has not yet been able to conclude the historicity of Abubakar’s Quran. I have attached my arguments (I have not included the arguments of the person I was discussing with because I do not have his permission to repost).
I was wondering what you think of this argument, or whether any of you are capable of carrying out or redesigning the experiment I outline here to prove the likely historicity of Abubakar’s Quran. Please note, I take on a secular tone in the text because that’s the rules of that forum which I respect, it’s academia not apologetics, not because I believe in the ideology. However, here, I hope to see what you think.
POST 1
Dr. Van Putten points out there is significant orthographic consistency in Quranic manuscripts, highlighting the way the name Ibrahim is spelled for instance.
Do you believe this could demonstrate elements of the original compilation of the Quran under Abu Bakar ?
My argument is fairly simple:

1. Uthman’s recension was done to prevent variants and to maintain a uniform authoritative codex.
2. Given that context, it doesn’t make sense to have variant spellings of proper nouns like names in a standardised text, particularly in verses adjacent to eachother which would be jarring.
3. This is not due to the fact that orthography wasn’t important, as we see meticulous care to retain the variant orthographical features across manuscripts.
4. Given the push for uniformity, there must have been a stronger push factor / reason to retain the lack of uniformity in a project whose entire purpose was uniformity.
5. The most obvious reason is that the original authoritative text that the first compilation (Abu Bakar’s tentatively) was sourced from was fragmentary: ie sourced from different fragments written by several different scribes each of whom had different spellings of proper nouns - the collection of this fragmentary material (written on perishable items according to tradition - led to the first compilation project which retained the variant spellings in the Abubakar Archetype). The Uthmanic recension had access to the Abubakar archetype but the variant spellings were retained because the fragmentary verses held the highest authority. Zaid was said to be in charge of both projects.
6. Since the original manuscript (Abu Bakar’s) was personal property of the Caliph (and wasn’t copied or in distribution until Uthman) other variants were not destroyed according to the traditional narrative, other stemma could have formed either from companion codexes or from the Uthmanic codex forward (the variants being sourced from other physically attested fragmentary pieces - therefore justifying their inclusion.
7. The most likely scenario for the text we see in my mind is the tradition: a fragmentary written archetype that was faithfully followed by Zaid ibn Thabit (and variants being included from other fragmentary attestations of the same verses).

So does the orthography suggest the narrative of the original pre-Uthmanic compilation of an authoritative text has legs / should be explored further / is the most cogent explanation of currently available data ?
Dr. Van Putten, I also reference your work in making my argument, so please let me know if I have mischaracterised it, I would also love your thoughts on this theory.
POST 2
Hey, first thank you for your response. What i was trying to say is that the spelling wasn’t standard and varied both between scribes and a single scribe may spell words differently, thats a given.
My actual point is that while that may generally be true, the fact that the uthmanic text more or less faithfully reproduces the set of variant spellings in copies suggests that the uthmanic committiee did care about the spelling, but chose not to make it uniform - otherwise the locations of the variants wouldnt be relatively consistent in copies. This, to me at least, suggests there was an archetype which had the variant spellings, which was respected as an authoritative source ie an earlier written codex which was likely fragmentary.
It’s just an assumption, you’re right, but was wondering if it has legs.
Another way to get to what i’m asking, does the evidence youve found suggest the existence of an earlier written codex as the tradition attests to ? If not, whats a better explanation for what we see ?
POST 3
Thank you again for your response, it's really an honour speaking with you.
“If the first codex wasn't a direct copy of anything,” My argument is that the first codex was a copy of written fragmentary verses.
The consistency of the Uthmanic manuscripts with regards to the spelling convention (whatever the distribution of the way a single word is spelled, that's not my focus, my focus is on the consistency with which each spelling appears in its position across manuscripts) - if that consistency is high, that strongly suggests they were aware of the different spellings because they cared enough about the spellings to reproduce them faithfully in their exact positions, but they didn't change them - and the existence of an authoritative written text that was collected from fragmentary sources / scribes (and therefore had varied spellings) would seem to have the most explanatory power for the data we do see.
What I’m inferring is that if we see this consistency in the location of certain spellings in the Uthmanic text type, the story of Abubakar's Quran explains that data best.
For clarity:
My argument actually doesn’t rely on the distribution between various spellings in the text, but rather on the fact that the position of the various spellings are maintained exactly in copies - i.e. the difference in count between the spellings isn’t relevant to this argument.
If we limit ourselves to a single codification, this creates a conundrum: on one hand they seem to care immensely about the position of various spellings (and therefore implicitly care about the spelling), but on the other hand they don’t see the differences in spellings as significant as obvious variation exists in the text - so the position of various spellings in the text is important, but the fact that there are different spellings of the same word between those precise positions is not important (as there are variants).
POST 4
This is what I reference:
Dr. Van Putten’s findings lit a light bulb off for me: the data makes most sense if the traditional narrative is correct and there were two codifications.
Van Putten: “By examining 14 early Quranic manuscripts, it is shown that this phrase is consistently spelled using only one of the two spellings in the same position in all of these different manuscripts. It is argued that such consistency can only be explained by assuming that all these manuscripts come from a single written archetype, meaning there must have been a codification project sometime in the first century.”
Sidky: “If the first codex wasn't a direct copy of anything, then there is nothing for them to care about.”
But there was something to copy according to the tradition: written fragments that had small chunks of Surahs or just had individual verses. I want to test for that - ie can the orthographic data we have not be random or just chalked up to ancients not caring about spelling, but instead be due to the fact that the verses were transcribed by different scribes. This isn’t a multiple author hypothesis - I don’t think that has credence, it is however an argument that it may be worth testing if the first codex was fragmentary, which would strongly support the traditional narrative.
The first codex wasn’t a written rendition of an oral text according to tradition, it was a compilation of fragmentary verses that were in turn the actual written editions of the oral text. The difference is significant - because if true, and assuming the fragments were small and written by the scribes then the speaker of the oral text would be the prophet himself and the variation would likely be from the prophet or from the scribes mistranscription of what he said - but because they were small fragments, this is less likely.
POST 5
My theory explains this by the strict adherence to the written fragmentary verses that Zayd collected from scribes that wrote them down. Each had a different approach to orthography, but whatever their approach when the original Abubakar Quran was collected their writing held absolute authority as it was written under the supervision of the prophet, so Zayd would be motivated to retain it exactly (if there was more than one attestations of the same verse, for instance an additional article or the lack of one, Zayd could choose to use one fragment in one codex and another fragment in another codex to preserve both as both meet the same conditions of authority). Each scribe likely had different spelling conventions, and likely applied their preferred spelling conventions with differing consistency.
A scribe that wasn’t consistent could have the same word spelled differently in the same verse, and another scribe that was meticulously consistent could have an entire Surah with completely consistent spelling - depending on what fragments were found from which scribes.
Whatever was on those fragments was likely transcribed exactly (as Zayd, the same person in charge of Uthman’s compilation, was also in charge of the first compilation project, and so likely employed the same standard of exact copying of the written text irrespective of spelling variants).
So if the traditional narrative is correct, if we had the original codex we would expect to see some natural variation in the spelling convention because it was collected from various sources with different spelling conventions - if the Uthmanic text faithfully copied that text, whatever the distribution of variants between the various words in number, we would see their exact position meticulously maintained in copies of the Uthmanic codex because the first codex would have had them and would be authoritative.
POST 6

1. The best explanation for why the Uthmanic text maintained orthographic variance is because it copied from an authoritative older written text.
2. The best explanation for why the older written text has variation in the spelling is that it was transcribed by different scribes who spelled things slightly differently. Those initial scribes would have been dictated to directly by the Prophet so their transcription would outweigh all others, so the variants we see could either be due to their mishearing, or assuming the Prophet was illiterate, he would not have been able to enforce spelling conventions, so scribes would have had creative license to write the name in the spelling convention they were most familiar with. So scribes with a Jewish background would be more likely to spell ‫ﺍ‬ ‫ﺑ‬ ‫ﺮ‬ ‫ﻫ‬ ‫ﻢ‬ and those without would spell ‫ﺍ‬ ‫ﺑ‬ ‫ﺮ‬ ‫ﻫ‬ ‫ﻴ‬ ‫ﻢ‬, but if those spellings appeared next to another word like Nimatullah and we see that both one spelling of Abraham appears every time one spelling of nimatullah appears, and a third word with variant spelling in the quran also appears in only one way when the first two have that form, then we can suggest that it comes from a single fragment that had orthographic consistency, and other fragments of the quran with a similar pattern likely come from the same scribe.

If we have a sufficient number of pairings to analyse we can build confidence that all of the verses that adhere to those pairing were written by a single scribe & confirm the Abubakar hypothesis with a degree of statistical confidence, because the story of fragmentary compilation would match the data we see, .

Okay i’m sorry if this is all over the place but i want to rant to a community of people with some people who are older and have more experience so they can give me genuine advice. My Bf (M18) and I (F18) have been together since february of our sophomore year of high school, we’re graduating soon now. We’ve been with eachother almost all of high school Id say, especially since my class (2024) had the covid hybrid year during freshman year. Id been in a few relationships and “situationships” (i hate that term bc truth is it’s a situation to one party and nothing to the other) in high school, he hadn’t. We’re both eachothers first and only real relationship. I understand that there is a “honey moon phase” and people say there are “toxic phases” and things of that sort. I believe our relationship is being tested right now. We’d never really argued. There was nothing to argue about, and if someone felt a way about something we’d always just talk about it. We know we’re young and we have to grow up together, and we know the other isn’t a mind reader. But over senior year, i do feel like our relationship has taken some turn. I didn’t talk about some of the things i’d noticed were changing at first because i am a very emotional, sensitive person, and i have BPD, which i know severely impacts relationships and how i perceive them. Whenever i would rant to him about something, whether it had to do with my mom or a friend, he would always be there for me, consoling me, and TALKING to me. That’s a big change. I feel like over the past few months he’s somehow forgotten how to comfort me even though he used to be so good at it. Now more than ever do i hear the words “I don’t know what to say” or “I don’t know what to tell you.” Not only that, but i feel like he ignores me a lot more when we’re with his friends. Throughout the school year there were times at lunch nearly everyday i would just stop talking for a few minutes and just sit there… because id try to tap him on the shoulder to add on to the conversation, because sometimes it is something i would want just him to hear, or i feel like he’d understand because he’s supposed to be my best friend as well. but more than ever i feel pushed to the side. If you’re around my age, you’ll understand that the fact he doesn’t post me barely anymore is a cause of concern. he genuinely isn’t rlly on socials, but he wasn’t before we got together either.. before he would post me often, but now i feel like i have to ask and remind him. Lastly, he has been a “safe place” for me throughout the relationship. but again; i feel like i cant talk to him like i used to… he’s yelled at me and cussed at me more than he ever has. which is not often, but still. also, he scared me for the first time the other week when he was driving recklessly. i wanted to tell him to just drop me off at the side of the road so i could call my mom. but i didn’t. i didnt wanna make him mad ACTUALLY LASTLY.. i’ve had conversations with him about how i’m feeling. i know he loves me too, genuinely. he promises to me he’ll change, that he’s gotten too comfortable and i am right to talk to him and “set him in place” I don’t want to be dumb. I love him so much, and i know he loves me too. I know that most high school sweethearts don’t last forever, but i want us too. I feel like we could if we were both putting in the work and deciding to love eachother everyday, but i feel he is lacking in the effort department. i’m sorry if this is too long. if you could respond, thank you 🙏🏼
tl;dr: I know that most relationships from high school/when you’re young don’t work out. But some do, and i believe it’s because two people decide to put in effort everyday and decide to love eachother everyday. My bf and i are finally hitting our “hard phase” i feel like. He’s going through a lot too and we’re young, i can understand how sometimes he has forgotten about certain things, but i feel like i’ve talked to him about my concerns for months and no real change has been made regarding him not putting in as much “effort” (not posting, not paying attention to me when we’re with friends, not offering as much advice as he used to). and new things have rose, he’s spoken to me out of turn for the first time a few months ago and he genuinely made me scared for my safety. I don’t want to be “dumb”. I don’t even know what to do.

Can trauma caused by emotional abuse from your parents while you grow up cause symptoms of autism/adhd? When I was a little kid in elementary school I was extremely high functioning, both socially and academically. I had a lot of friends, talked to my teachers a lot, and was generally well-liked. I was also top of my class academically. As I grew up my parents went through an ugly divorce and my mom, brother and I had to move. My mom became depressed and took out her angebitterness on me, and I developed emotional trauma from everything that happened. I've also developed depression, anxiety, and I suspect some kind of ptsd/cptsd but I haven't been diagnosed with either yet. Now I'm a senior in high school going to college soon and I'm a mess socially. I don't talk a lot, both out of social anxiety and just never having anything to say, and when I do I can tell nobody wants to talk to me. They always try to get out of the conversation as soon as possible, even if we're at work and we both have to be standing around each other anyway. I get a lot of weird looks that I don't remember getting before the last few years, and people at work even joke around with each other right in front of me about not wanting to talk to me. It's just so different from how things used to be for me, and I'm wondering if it's possible that my emotional trauma or other mental illnesses have caused me to get neurodivergence symptoms that influence my social/mental ability and the way people see me?

Can trauma caused by emotional abuse from your parents while you grow up cause symptoms of autism/adhd? When I was a little kid in elementary school I was extremely high functioning, both socially and academically. I had a lot of friends, talked to my teachers a lot, and was generally well-liked. I was also top of my class academically. As I grew up my parents went through an ugly divorce and my mom, brother and I had to move. My mom became depressed and took out her angebitterness on me, and I developed emotional trauma from everything that happened. I've also developed depression, anxiety, and I suspect some kind of ptsd/cptsd but I haven't been diagnosed with either yet. Now I'm a senior in high school going to college soon and I'm a mess socially. I don't talk a lot, both out of social anxiety and just never having anything to say, and when I do I can tell nobody wants to talk to me. They always try to get out of the conversation as soon as possible, even if we're at work and we both have to be standing around each other anyway. I get a lot of weird looks that I don't remember getting before the last few years, and people at work even joke around with each other right in front of me about not wanting to talk to me. It's just so different from how things used to be for me, and I'm wondering if it's possible that my emotional trauma or other mental illnesses have caused me to get neurodivergence symptoms that influence my social/mental ability and the way people see me?