Sayings about an ex

So as the title says I immediately felt attracted to this person, I'm in my late 20's and he is 40 something. At first it was strictly platonic but i got to know him as a friend later after, since I choose him to be my thesis director.
I never acted on him since he was married and had been for almost 10 years, seemed to be in a happy marriage uploading pictures with her, and even mentioning couples therapy.
The more we talked the more i found about his life, past flings and stuff. But I started to feel disappointed because he would tell me about affairs that according to the time it happened, he was still married. I don't like cheaters.
I know he likes fooling around with ladies and meets lots of them, I saw him dating random people after starting the separarion. Then he told me he was getting divorced at the middle of last year. He even told me his marriage was purposeless and that he should have never married his ex which was contradictory with the image he showed of him with his ex on social media.
Fast forward he finished the divorce papers barely two months ago, while already being in a new relationship. He met this girl like immediately after starting divorce and proposed to her two months after starting the relationship.
I couldn't believe it since he mentioned he was happy to be free and uncompromised. Today I saw his stories and he got married. He didn't even told me that, he just said he was going on a trip on Friday and wouldn't attend school so I wouldn't go either. I feel like getting married is something important enough to at least mention it, specially if we were supposed friends. When I asked him where he was going on Friday he said a random place with his girl but acted strange and never mention marriage.
I can't help but feel dissapointed, uncomfortable and anxious because I will have to see him for at least a couple of months more since we are working in an important project that could even make us travel to another country. I hope his relationship doesnt ruin our project too. I know he is unstable and i can already see his second divorce before his 50s lol I feel so stupid

I(24m) met her(31f) last year doing what we both love to do. Hiking in Nepal. Last winter we decided to meet again and we spent a month traveling through India and then another month and a half in her country Bangladesh. She told me at her age she's looking for something serious and to settle down and have children. After which my visa ran out so I had to go back home. I we I spent time in her country I had to go back to USA and we continued to talk and plan for the future.(She hoped to move to USA) She traveled Thailand for 3 weeks and went back to her home. After she got back she started talking often about money troubles and wanting to travel again to Malaysia but she wasnt in a good place financially and felt alone without help. Then she asked for help and I said the money she asked for was A LOT and felt uncomfortable about it but I still love her. After that we kept talking but I noticed her attitude changed. She stopped liking my reels I sent her and no longer said good morning or night and recently mentioned how she doesn't feel like my girlfriend anymore. She says some excuses like I'm too young or she feels Im too agreeable, or she feels like my mother, or she likes to have her space and I call her too much. I call once a day 😐.
One surprising thing I realized about her was that her ex boyfriend was calling her the whole time while we were in India. She ignored the calls or answered briefly. Anyways it seems they're working together in her business (hes like a voice actor and singer) and she hearts all his posts still. She told me he was attached to her because he's an introvert and got used to talking to her only. He also is bisexual and they only had sex 5 times in the 4 years they were together because he prefers men (feels pressured to be with a woman) and he's also Hindu so her parents would never allow her to marry him anyway so I shouldn't worry about it. She told me eventually he will get over her but I notice they heart each other's posts and talk almost daily. He's also completely her type. Tall, big beard, deep voice. Everything I lack. Now we haven't talked in a few days and I'm unsure how this will go out. I thought she knew what she wanted. I thought she was mature and started fresh. I believed her words.

im new to Reddit so I apologize if im doing this wrong, i think im asking for advice/opinions.. im 21f and two or three years ago i started hanging out with an old friend again after a few years, it was right after a serious relationship for me so honestly i was just rebounding and having fun with an old friend. Anyways.. after about a month of hanging out everyday with him and his friends, and three hookups later, hes driving me home and says “ive started talking to this one girl recently and id feel bad if we kept seeing each other while I pursued her”. Very understandable, i told him thats no problem, no worries and that were all good. That was the last i heard of him until a year later. 

After about a year, im back together with the ex i was hung up on while rebounding with (well call him jake). Im at the mall with my friend and i get a “hey girly” text from a girl well call sara. Anyways, sara proceededs to say that her and jake were dating and she thinks jake was cheating on her with me, she then said when she found out abt the cheating he cried and said that while he tried to break it off with me, i “screamed and cried” and said “i love you, ill off myself if you leave… that I assaulted him during one of our hookups. I was blown away.

Sara clarifies and assures me she knows the truth and that hes a lying cheating loser and i fill her in on what really happened between us, keep in mind, I know woman can hurt men like that, but the three times we hooked up I was stomach down face down the whole time and it was during a very sickly time in my life, I was under 90lbs. It just wasn’t possible unless i drugged the mf somehow, he was very big… anyways, after that jake tried reaching out to me to hang out again and i literally said “if i assaulted you why would u wanna hang w ur abuser?” And blocked him after that. 

For the next year n half Sara and I aren’t close friends but we are mutuals and frequently interacted via instagram, the typical liking posts and replying to stories… i didnt start noticing anything off about Sara until it was basically too late, essentially it started with a TikTok she reposted on instagram saying something like “when she copy’s you” idk just something along those lines. I cant tell you why i had a feeling it was about me, but i did.. i ignored it and immediately pushed down the idea that she posted that directed towards me, i remember thinking to myself “there’s no way, i mean we’ve had literally no issues lol”.. and i mean her and i are still interacting completely normal still atp.

i cant remember how long after the TikTok repost till the indirect, direct posts, started getting really personal. Things like “the girl they cheat with is always uglier.” But it really started going downhill till i noticed.. no matter what time it is.. 4am..1pm.. she was my first instagram story viewer, without fail, everytime. 

In my head at this point im just thinking like “yk i post a lot, its not weird, maybe she’s just really active like me” during this time im really just trying to avoid the truth which is, that girl isn’t my friend, her and I weren’t close but i hold friends more dear than anything and i always have, she went through something hurtful that i was involved with and although i didnt know she and jake were together i felt i owed her loyalty and at least someone that’ll be real with her.
Now im getting to the main event.. i know.. this is already insane enough. Trust me. Anyways very very soon after i clock it that Sara is always my first viewer, thats when the eerily similar post come up. It started with random little things, and maybe thats why it took me so long to notice but it started with me posting a picture of a bush outside and, im not joking, two minutes later after being my first viewer, posts a SOMEHOW “prettier” (subjectively) bush than i posted. Then id post a selfie in a certain pose and minutes later shed post the same exact thing of herself. By this time ive NOTICED what’s slowly happening but I truly didnt want to believe this shit again im thinking to myself “youre not that bitch, why would someone COPY you” i mean this girl is pretty! Smart! Insane daddy’s money! Why tf would she be pressed over me, at the time i was sick and depressed and lowkey Emo.

the basically blatant copying continued for a few months, i really didnt want to bring it up and it had gotten to a point where i was thinking of this situation pretty often, it made me feel gross and weird and mean, i felt mean thinking she’d copy me. It was horrible. I had gotten Into a new Relationship at this time and i was just ignoring it until one day i lost a picture of a hummingbird and the caption says “omg a hummingbird has never been so close to me” those birds are very important to me they remind me of my grandmas old cottage. NOT EVEN A WHOLE 2 MINUTES GO BY and she posts a video of a hummingbird flying CLOSER to her. 

That was the breaking point for me honestly, i didn’t say anything to her nor post anything bout her, i simply unfollowed her on instagram and that was that, I unfollowed her and refreshed her account 5 seconds later SHE BLOCKED ME. It had all clicked, she was on my account all day. Everyday refreshing my account, always my first viewer, post exact lookalikes to what im postng, purchasing clothes and random things i own. It was all on purpose and she knew what she was doing. But that was that, what’s done was done and i moved on, literally forgot about her existence.
UNTIL THREE MONTHS LATER i get a. Message from one of those fake phone numbers saying “come get ur man girl” and sends a photo of my bf at the time liking a body photo of Sara’s on instagram. Now I wasn’t mad at the obviously photoshopped screenshot, like that shit was fucking stupidly photoshopped the fonts were completely different, i was mad about her HUNG UP on me. I replied saying stuff like youre nothing but a spoiled brat who cries when she doesnt get her way, i said she complains about these things in her life that she causes herself, all the drama she was in and i blindly defend her, somehow she was always in beef with ppl that stalked her and copy’s her an all these People want to be as rich and pretty and smart and funny her and they cant so they hate her, i said you are the evil one and now i see it, you cause these issues and when people defend themselves or disengage with you because of your behavior towards them you blast them on social media painting them as the bag guy because you know people will blindly believe you. I said much more in much better wording but thats basically that.. AND BOY DID SHE NOT LIKE THAT

here begins the relentless posting of me, she’s posted blatant insane lies like im a pedo and a racist,, that i support mass genocide and im a rapist, im a stalker who wants to be her so bad but ill never be as educated and wealthy and ill never have a good job and will be a lifeless loser my whole life. INSANE SHIT LMAOO, i entertained it for a while, shed post lies and id post “un actually here’s what happened” and she’s post my post and cover out the parts she sounds bad and only post the parts where I admittedly went wrong, but like i willl literally admit Where i said sum I shouldn’t have so wtf. 

This cycle goes on for months, she contacts these older girls who previously had beef with me and had them give her all my information so now she’s signing my phone number up for the national guard, my address, my full name and family’s name. She’s actually lost her mind atp, it’s been two years and biweekly she Post about. me, pushing this narrative that im all these things yet has no proof to back up anything, even tho i have timeline proof of my posts then hers, i buy something then she buys it after, saying Vietnamese noses are ugly. Proof of her asking for my information. She has her army of blinded losers constantly stalking me along with her and talking about me, texting me talking all this ignorant shit and ive sat here all by myself just flabbergasted, for the first year it really did get to me, id feel sick, i felt the need to prove to her and her instagram followers that im not who she’s saying i am, and even she herself knows that. I eventually just stopped fighting back, i stopped trying to clear my name and clear the air.. i learned she’s a Narcissist , no matter the response. She’s going to feed off of it, i’ve been nice, i’ve been rude, i’’ve been empathetic, and ive been cruel. nothing stopped her and im afraid nothing but time will.

This started when i was 19 and i’m now 21, i’’ve called the cops but since this is classified as “cyber bullying” there’s no laws and nothing they can do, after learning i called the cops on her she started posting about a case she’s making against me for defamation which is confusing bc i never told a lie, she did. I notice After two years she just projects everything, her deepest insecurities are right there if you look, it’s what she brags, and shows off the most, herself. She has everything, anyone could want and need yet she’s still so Miserable, yet me, broke as fuck, pretty but nothing to brag abt, i don’’t materially have what she has and she thinks because of that i created this whole mess, but ive always been richer,, im happy with myself, im content most days and thats incredible, i have the most beautiful friends who love me. And would die for me, family i adore. I have everything. The great job, the loads of money and gucci purse can fucking wait, thats my even what i want truly, i want to be a mother. there’s much more detail but this post is already so long and draining, i honestly dont know what to say, I haven’t gone on her account in months but ill still hear and see screenshots every now and then of what she says, the most recent one was yesterday and its that i apparently have been calling her little brothers phone, who’s also a minor. Just untrue, honestly sinister, evil shit. Evil person. And i regret befriending her.. 

I know this is dumb as hell and I have an ego. Basically I applied to nine universities for mechanical engineering. I was admitted into everything except UofT and Waterloo. For Waterloo I was flat out rejected but for UofT I was deferred to civil engineering which I regret choosing as my second choice. I just know I will be filled with regret for the rest of my life.
Everyone says it doesn’t matter where I go in the end because your experiences matter way more than a good school. I know that. But that’s not why I’m sad. I’m just sad because I wanted to be prideful LOL. I just wanted to be able to say I got into all of my top choices and feel like I’m smart but I know I’m stupid. I know this is so dumb and egotistical, and other people deserve those offers way more than me since they actually care about going. Still, my friends got into all of their top choices and I didn’t. Also, secretly I wanted to prove to my ex-friend that I was just as smart/good/competent as them. Yeah I know dumb reasons but at this point I’m not even ashamed to admit it anymore.
My mom told me she was very disappointed and I know I shouldn’t care but I do. I care about what everyone thinks of me and I have this perfect person in my head that I’m always striving to be. I don’t know how to cope with being such a failure. I need to know how to cope and/or make a comeback and move on with my life.
Sorry for yapping, whoever sees this post.

I 40F come from a very strict matriarchal family. My parents divorced when I was very young, which lead to a very shitty childhood where I was SA’d by various men in both households. At one point I had to continue to live with my abuser for years until I got married and moved out. My mom is the obedient dutiful daughter, because whatever my grandma says goes. My aunt and uncle were the black sheep, because they defied her. My grandma who I can best describe as highly volatile, manipulative, quick to anger, controlling, and money hungry, was recently diagnosed as bipolar. She created a shit storm at the house and in her home country that she traveled to two months ago. I should add, my mom never left the nest and to this day still lives with my grandma, my step-grandpa, my stepfather, and my brother. My mom has always been teased that she refused to cut the umbilical cord, but it’s the truth. She leaves in fear of having any regrets if something happened to my grandma. She lived under my grandma’s thumb all her life, she has sacrificed her life, marriage, and kids for my grandma. In our culture respect means, not talking back, doing everything your elder tells you to do, and keeping your mouth shut. My mom was more opened minded with my upbringing, but these beliefs still held true during my upbringing.
I’m 40, married, with my own family, but I’m still expected to abide by these set of rules. I recently moved back to my home state (where my family lives) temporarily due to work, I’ll be moving again soon. My mom and her sister had to travel to my grandma’s country to go and handle the shit storm she had created, because people couldn’t deal with her anymore. I have been the person my mom and everyone relays on for everything…for years. I moved out of the country for a few years and somehow I was still the person they would go to for EVERYTHING. Mind you, my mom has my brother to relay on for help and my aunt has her son (both adults), but somehow it’s always my responsibility. I am also, the person my mom vents to about all her issues, especially those with my grandma. Over the years it’s been one issue after another, it never ends. Through my grandma’s manic episode, I’ve been the one who has to be there for her for support and everything else. Anyhow they are due back really soon, and my stress levels and anxiety levels have been through the roof. I have so much resentment towards my mom, my grandma, and aunt (it’s all related). Resentment that has built up throughout the years, resentment of the expectations they have put on me, resentment because I have always felt like my mom has always put my grandma over me (ex: I had to continue to live with my abuser, because my mom refused to leave my grandma). Their household is very toxic, but it’s all they know, so it’s considered normal. What I’ve mentioned on this post is just the tip of the iceberg, there is so much to unpack with my family.
Anyhow, my mental health has been taking a toll, I’m always anxious, stressed, and angry. My grandma has created a heck of a shit storm, we are left to pick up the pieces and clean up after her….as it is always the case. Anyhow, I finally reached my limit. To add, my aunt is mad at me for calling her out, which I’m fine with. I’m just tired, I’m so done, I feel taken advantage of because as they have previously said, “(my name) always listens and does what we tell her to do.” Well I’m DONE and with their impending return, I decided to temporarily go no contact, I don’t want to deal with the drama anymore. Mentally I’m drained from the never ending vents, it feels like a broken record, because nothing ever changes. I’m questioning my own sanity, because I feel like the AH. I don’t live near them, but I’m expected to be available at all times for whatever they need. This has been my life for years, and I’m tired, drained, and feel like I can’t give anymore without it affecting my marriage. Thankfully, my husband is very supportive of me, but I also have a child to think about. I would never think of putting this much stress on him. Which is another point of contention (how I’m raising my child). I feel like an ungrateful daughter and bad for temporarily going to no contact. But I can’t keep having anxiety and dreading my family. So tell me, am I the AH?

Sup guys, I've been riding the rollercoaster of solo queue in competitive modes and wanted to share my journey. But more importantly, I'd love to hear about your experiences. So, let's done in!
I started playing this game back in December 2023 with my buddies from another game. We were always laughing, learning new tricks, and just having a blast. But as time went on, some of them drifted away due to personal reasons or because the game became a bit boring due to cheaters and lack of content.
Despite all that, I keep playing the game because I genuinely enjoyed it. I have fond memories of getting skins as gifts, friendly insulting each other on discord , teaching insta smokes, sharing reels or TikToks about the game in our Whatsapp group, and just having fun whether we won or lost. But now that my buddies are gone, I've been navigating the "solo Q" waters and it's been a bit of a rough ride. It takes a bit longer to find matches in Premier or Competitive, and I've even ended up in matches with cheaters on my team who nobody kicks out.
There are also people who speak different languages, and matches can get boring because sometimes nobody talks or greets each other. Of course, you don't have to talk if you don't want to, but at least give some info or drop a gun/nade if someone asks for it. They play without saying anything or giving any info about enemies, they're just silent the whole time. I usually have to be the one to break the ice so they play with more confidence (it happens that I have the 10-year medal and some people think that because I have an old account, I'm very skilled when in reality I have less than 500 hours lol, I never played CSGO). There are also trolls who run where I throw molotovs so the game auto-kicks me for friendly fire. In short, the odds of winning matches in "solo Q" are 50/50, while with my ex group of 5 we almost always won (With the exception of matches against legit cheaters).
Now I'm back to playing with another group of 5-10 guys. I don't trust them as much because they're not a constant group, but we have a good time, laugh a lot, come up with clever tactics, and almost always win or at worst, draw, we all are from the same country. But essentially, it's all about having a good time, everyone is friendly. I ended up thinking that even "Casual" mode is more fun than playing without a group of 5 or 4 in Competitive/Premier. Anyway, that's been my experience in soloQ let's hear about yours.

Someone suggested I post this story over here… enjoy!
When our first child was born, my ex forced me to quit my job. When our 2nd child was 2, I found out about his affair. By then he was extremely verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. When he abused our first born, I put him out. That was in 2012.
I couldn’t afford daycare to work and had no family support. He refused to give me any money to take care of the kids saying “The courts haven’t ordered me to give you a dime!” He lied to the bank and had my accounts frozen and even assaulted me when I filed for default in the divorce.
The judge finally ordered him to pay child and spousal support 6 months after I kicked him out. It was 2562 a month. He refused to pay it until the garnishment kicked in and by then he was 6k behind in support. I used that to get permission to move away.
I remarried a year after the divorce. I checked the court docs and there was a little box that said spousal support stopped upon remarriage if that box was checked. It wasn’t checked, so I figured I was good. Instead of filing for his retirement, I just took that year of spousal support (12k) and left it alone. (Spousal support was only ordered for 2 years)
In 2017, he filed for sole custody of the kids out of nowhere. That was when he found out I had remarried and he had paid spousal support to me during the first year of my marriage. I told him I took that money instead of filing for my share of his retirement. I said if he let me keep that 12k, I wouldn’t file to split his 401k. He demanded that I repay the spousal support. The judge ordered me to repay it but increased child support and deducted the repayment from that. It ended up that I got an extra 20.00 a month and he repaid himself. He dropped his bid for custody in exchange for 2 extra weeks in summer.
I pursued the retirement account split. He refused to cooperate and dragged it out for 4 years. It was so bad, they sanctioned him and he had to pay me 600 a month for a year in addition to child support. They also charged him with contempt.
In Jan 2021, he proposed to his girlfriend. In May of 2021, I finally got the disbursement from his 401k. I won’t say how much it was, but it was about 4 times the amount of spousal support overpayment. I had no idea it would be that much. I had thought it would be around 12k which is why I thought keeping that year of spousal and not filing for his retirement account was a fair trade. Had he not tried to take the kids from me, I never would’ve filed to split the account. Play stupid games… win stupid prizes.
In summary, my ex refused to pay me until support orders dropped, refused to pay until they revoked his license. Tried to get me in trouble for accepting spousal support over payment based on a paperwork error and in the end it cost him a lot of money out of his 401k.

First time ever commenting in this particular sub. If you go on my profile you'll get the gist of what happened, but if you don't...essentially, I believe that my now ex girlfriend of 3 years was cheating.
Time line is, she quit her full time job last September. She gets a new job at a restaurant about a month later...I wasn't too positive about it because it seemed like a big jump back, but we had a fight about it and afterwards that seemed resolved.
Anyway. The week before christmas, she starts talking about this coworker... We had a talk about it and I felt OK afterwards, but she said some weird things too. Like how she wanted to give him rides to and from work because his car sucked and it was cold out where she lived. She also said she didn't want to be with him because he has a twelve year old non verbal autistic son and she didn't think she could be a good mother figure to the boy... Nothing about her being my girlfriend already. Hell no. But we had a talk, and I came away from it feeling fine, like it was a silly workplace crush, you know? I really thought that would be the last that I would have heard about him.
By the next week, she was BEGGING me to fly out to her (she lives three states away) because #1, she wanted me to be out there with her again but #2, so she could take me to the restaurant she works at...so I could pick a fight with him. The coworker. Needless to say that never happened. It was an absolutely stupid idea. And I had zero money in my bank account at the moment because I had covid19 the week before...so even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have been able to.
A few days go by and we have another fight, she tells me that she had been invited out for tacos. Now, this happening almost 4 months ago, I don't remember exactly what I said to her... I guarantee it was not nice and we pretty much broke up on the spot. That was Jan. 15th.
I spent at least 2 weeks crying and begging for her to talk to me one last time without ever really putting the pieces together that she was doing some unscrupulous things.
The kicker was when I went on instagram, The only thing she didn't block me on because even I forgot my username so she didn't even know my username... looked her up, she was already in a bar with the co worker that I wasn't supposed to worry about. That damn near killed me. The heartbreak was intense and I was... Let's just say a step away from doing something very permanent.
Now I've said all that to say this. Early early early this morning...I found my old microSD card. Filled to the brim with old memories of her. I, of course looked...and I kinda don't feel anything towards them anymore. Still think she's a beauty... But she's just some girl to me.
Had a bunch of old voice notes on there too. I know what it's from, It's from where I tried to switch over all my data from a broken phone to a new phone and something happened so it never actually completed the process. I listened to some of the old voice notes. And I just laugh because it's like, how can you go from somebody being your best friend and your lover and the person you want your in bed all the time and somebody you're constantly begging to come move out three states away to you... to essentially a damn stranger?
You loved me and you cared for me that fuckin much until your new co-worker came around and I was expected to fight him over you? And then when I didn't you decided to do what you did? Yeah something isn't right about that at all.
Never thought that the biggest miracle in my life would actually end up being the biggest mistake and lesson in my life.

This is kind of a long rant becuase I cant sleep at night so I'm not expecting anybody to comment back or reply so its really just for me to write down and re-read later on. If somebody does decide to read this or even the first sentence, Thankyou 🙂
I have never been anybody first pick when it comes to friends or dating. I have a tooth gap and weigh almost 13 stone at 17 years old (5'3). Iv always been a bigger girl with a double chin and a large stomach and iv always been insecure about it. In primary school I will always remember the moment that a boy tried to compliment me by saying that I was only the second ugliest girl in our class and I actually remember feeling very flattered by being called the second ugliest. I never had alot of friends and even when I did finally get into a friendship group I still was nobody's best friend or somebody that someone REALLY wanted to play with.
In secondary school all my friends started getting boyfriends and although not serious relationships I still felt left out and wanted to have some "boy fun" too. This lead me to getting on apps like "amino" I at 11 years old sexted sooo many strangers it was wild. I then met my ex who was 19 at the time and just like that for the next 6 years I was abused, manipulated, brain washed and gaslit. When I was 16 I started noticing that my ex started to distance themselves from me and no longer texted me to called me. I got so frustrated and angry with them all the time. They would sometimes go a day or a day and a half without messaging me (I fortunately for myself never met my ex in person our entire relationship was online). I used to argue with them all the time but I was gaslit into thinking I was crazy eventually it drove me into a psychotic brakedown. I eventually realised that they were cheating on me with there roomate. I realised this after our brakeup and I think I knew that they were deep down but I just refused to belive it. But the person I had been with for 6 years of my life and I had loved for so long and genuinely though that I would share my life with no longer wanted me and wanted somebody else.
I got a job at 16 working in a restraunt I seriously love working there and I still do. I love most of the people I work with and I just love my job in general and I have even decided that I want to go up to manger there over the next coming years.
2 months after my brakeup with my ex I started talking to this guy that I found attractive. He knew i liked him and he and I texted for a little while. He would always tell me about how this girl liked him and that that girl liked him and eventually started telling me that his ex who he is madly in love with and him are going to get back together. I lost feelings for him after that but again somebody wanted somebody else. 4 Months after the brake up another person I worked with fell in love with me. However, he was dating another girl. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him if he was dating another girl. He told me that him snd her were in an open relationship and that she's fine with him messing around with other women. I reluctantly agreed and in a parking lot he forced me to have my first kiss. I tried moving away but he keped forcing me to kiss him even pulling me towards him. I eventually just gave in and I ended up letting him do things to me in a bathroom. I felt nothing, nothing emotionally nothing physically. I can't say that I regret the experiance but it sucks that I felt nothing. After it happened he told me "Don't take this the wrong way but it just didn't feel right" and he never acted that way with me again I try to block out the feelings of being lied to and the feelings of being used
Not long after my best friend who I was friends with in secondary school came back into my life. Me and her had so much fun together this past year. I even got her a job at the restraunt I work at and it was so much fun now being able to work with my best friend. However, she met her now boyfriend there. I am very very happy that they have found eachother and I genuinely am so pleased that my best friend has found somebody that makes her feel happy and that treats her right and spoils her rotten. It makes me so happy that she's happy. But I am so angry at myself. I started to feel jelouse of them like really jelouse and it made me angry becuase I didn't know what I was jelouse of. I always thought that my best friend was able to get boyfriends very easily which is very true she does. She is very very VERY beautiful and has gorgeous wavey hair and an absolutely to die for body. But I just felt so angry and upset becuase I think I was worried he would take her away from me which is kinda what ended up happening. We went from hanging out everyday to only seeing eachither twice a week. We had plans to get a flat together but now she wants one with him. We had plans to go on holidays and go on trips to places but now she wants to to with him. Everytime I'm with her she's constantly messaging him. And everytime I'm with them both together there always holding hands and kissing and very obvious making me just left on the corner making me wonder what I'm doing there. It makes me so angry that I can be friends with her for so long and she can just leave me like that. Due to my feelings I started to distance myself from her and I started to lightly bad mouth her to people that would listen. I regret my actions. I really really do love her and I can't help but feel like our friendship has declined becuase I have been a horrible toxic person I have been so astranged for her but I feel like she's abandoned me becuase once again iv been left for another person.
I feel like I'm going crazy becuase nobody ever wants me. I get so very VERY angry at people for no reason and I constantly argue with people in my head. They just don't understand how I see the world and how I feel at all.

Hey all,
I am a late-30s queer woman with an early-40s non-binary partner who recently bought our first home in central CT. We had previously lived in Boston for 7 years before getting priced out. For more context, I'm originally from the western states and have experience living in CA and the PNW, while my partner is from NY.
Since moving to CT, I've found it jarring how different the vibe is from MA (Boston area or western MA). Especially as a childfree couple, it's been hard to find our scene, as everything in our pretty bougie town seems to be very kid- and parent-focused. It also has an undeniable WASP vibe that makes me feel very uncomfortable. I'm finding myself missing the vibe of an actual city, specifically one that feels quirky and artsy. (I love my indie theaters showing weird arthouse films, edgy street art, culinary diversity but not only in a fine dining context, opportunities to get involved in local activism, etc.) We both also looove the ocean. I'm finding myself wondering if we should relocate to Providence pending a bunch of factors like timeline, interest rates, job stuff, the rate of escalating gentrification there and how that impacts affordability, etc etc.
My caveat: I have an extremely toxic and abusive ex who lives in PVD, and I was wondering how realistic it would be to think I could avoid running into this person in such a tiny city in a tiny state with even tinier circles of fellow queer people. I haven't seen this person in a decade, but it was honestly one of the biggest reasons I didn't move to PVD and ended up elsewhere. Do you think this is an unfounded concern? Could you say more about the queer communities in PVD and your own experiences navigating the question of exes / folks you'd rather no longer interact with?
I'm also curious to hear what you think about how RI culture / mentalities / interacting with neighbors is similar to or different from MA and CT. I saw a recent comment here where someone said that RI is definitely a different vibe from MA. Could someone expand on that?
Thank you in advance for your generosity and thoughtfulness :)

Sorry for the long post- my hearts been heavy and I (25f) needed to let it out somewhere. This could just be menstrual emotions but I’ve had them for a couple months now and it’s seriously bothering me. I had an amazing relationship with my family and easily made friends growing up. I strived to be a good student, a polite kid, even was an incredible pushover for many years of my life to make others comfortable. Recently, I’ve started setting more boundaries. My mom has complimented my high expectations of people as of lately and I know that can come with a bit of isolation since I’m more picky with who I want surrounding my energy. Even so, I don’t think I’m anyone’s number one. Like at all. Not even in my family. Maybe my dog. My mom has my dad. I have 2 brothers that are closer in age and they are best friends and have their own social circles of course. I also moved out and they still live at home and play hockey. My parents have made some amazing parents friends in the hockey community as well, while my day to day is mostly just work and trying to work on building better habits. My grandparents unknowingly make it quite apparent who their favorite grandchildren are (I will say for one, I might be a second favorite) and I have a very small circle of friends I just started surrounding myself with. This is because I had to cut off my ex best friend (setting boundaries) and basically every other friend in my social circle was mutuals with her. I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone in that group to not go back to her if I got anything off my chest about our friendship or why I cut her off and I really didn’t want more drama. I’m single and can’t for the life of me find a decent man or really any guy who hasn’t straight up told me that they just want a booty call. I take care of my grandma when I’m not working my 9-5 and yet, she still prioritizes my hot mess of an aunt who’s literally stolen money from her. That is just the tip of the iceberg of the terrible way she treats my grandma, but I’m still the one she gets annoyed with because I’m making sure she’s bathing and taking her meds. Recently, I’ve tried mending my relationship with my grandfather, but he favors his second oldest granddaughter despite her intentionally blowing him off constantly. Unfortunately, she acts this way BECAUSE of my hot mess of an aunt, but that’s a story for another time. My other grandparents favor a younger cousin of mine who lives out of state and after that, another cousin who does live here gets just about all their attention because of her performing arts talent. Mind you, I also did performing arts, but she had voice and dance lessons growing up and got into college for musical theater recently. Something my grandparents love to constantly talk about with me and wonder why I didn’t make it as far as her. How much more resources and opportunities she has than I did. Don’t get me wrong, I talk to my mom everyday, I get along with my younger brothers very well and my grandparents are very kind, amazing people. While I didn’t align with my old friend group anymore and it was a blessing in disguise, it feels SO hard to make good, meaningful friendships at my age. I’ve joined FB groups, bumble BFF, book clubs, workout classes, etc. I’ve met amazing people, but not a best friend or partner that I’ve just clicked with. I see people with these amazing social circles getting ready for their weddings, or getting ready to have a baby, graduating college, traveling etc etc etc and I feel so BEHIND. I feel so lost. I’m really trying to make myself my own first priority but I feel so damn lonely. Healing is such a roller coaster and right now, I’m really struggling and feel so damn sad. I wouldn’t wish this kind of loneliness on my worst enemy. I’ll keep pushing and putting myself out there and praying that it works, but this is where I’m at now. If you read all this, thank you and I’m sorry if I made you sad. I’ll be okay. Just sucks right now.

I (28F) and my boyfriend (28M) have had a rocky relationship to say the least. I have borderline personality disorder (in both CBT and DBT and on medication for almost 5 years) and an eating disorder (in outpatient treatment for nearly 3 years), so I am well aware that I am not always easy to be with and that I have done/said things that have hurt him. He is an addict, on the spectrum, and bipolar with MAYBE a year of treatment and a couple months of clean time under his belt.
In the past I’ve struggled in our relationship with the idea presented to me by friends (primarily mine), family (both his and mine), and my mental health professionals that the relationship is at best toxic and at worst abusive. He has left me a total of 5 times in the span of three years.
The first time he left was to go on a drug binge with a 19 year old coworker who he was cheating on me with in my own home. Girls have always been a problem in our relationship, but as far as I know he’s only physically cheated with one girl. Typically the issues would be talking to exs, talking to girls he never really dated but did have romantic or sexual history with, doing drugs with girls, or talking badly about me to another girl. With the long history of these issues, I’ve frequently been distant or cold towards him or did things to hide ED slip ups which he says had pushed him to the actual act of physically cheating.
He spent most of our relationship writing off my concerns about a couple girls because they were also long standing friends despite having a sexual or romantic history with them. Because of this, I (drunkenly) reached out to catch up with an old friend who I used to sleep with very casually when we were both single. I only spoke to him for one night and then never again because I knew my boyfriend would be mad and hurt. He found out and broke up with me.
We have since gotten back together, and my friends and family are sort of coming around- almost against their will. In an effort to be honest I told him that while we were broken up a guy friend of over 10 years asked me out (which I declined, and he was ok with).
Fast forward to a couple months later, I didn’t block that guy, and I shared something stupid on Facebook which that guy friend commented on. My boyfriend flipped out.
I asked him to bring up concerns in a more constructive and communicative way, but we spent two days being (as he put it) “not ok”. I had plans with my family that weekend and spent the whole time trying to hold it together while feeling sick and hurt and confused because of how the text/call exchanges ended up. He told me that having that guy trying to flirt with me online “looks shady” and that I always brush off his concerns. I kept asking what I did wrong and he’d tell me nothing. By the end of the weekend I left my family’s house early and had a panic attack on the phone while he yelled at me.
I pointed out that he still has girls that have been a concern for me on Facebook and currently works with someone that he says flirts with him on the clock but I’m trying to rebuild trust and communicate with I’m uncomfortable without blowing up. He said I was deflecting and invalidating his feelings.
I’m so confused how I ended up being the one begging for forgiveness, blocking and deleting people on social media, and asking him to point blank lay out how he would like me to act in the future.
This is the first time since getting back together that I see his old mask slipping back. I had to beg him to speak to me like a human being. I had to ask him to have empathy for me- in those words. I don’t feel like I can talk to my friends and family about this without them immediately hating him again. Now I have everyone blocked that I think he could possibly have a problem with, and he seems to have calmed down.
I guess what I’m wondering at this point is… AITA for not immediately blocking that guy, and am I being manipulative and invalidating?

Wish I had broken up with my husband (30M) when I ( 25F) first met him 4 years ago. He led me on and kept sleeping with me while he secretly met with and was trying to decide what to do about the last girl he saw who found out she was pregnant. Can’t handle hearing her name ever or the word ab***tion. Why did I keep dating him after I found out? He was trying to decide if he should marry her.
We continued to date because I’m an idiot. And he wouldn’t stop following girls he slept with on social. He likes their selfies and messages them a lot. He got upset that I asked him to stop and remove them..:many times. I had moved into his house and he made me leave for a week because I asked him again to stop talking to this younger girl he slept with. I went to my parents for a week and found out he had been on tinder. I know he matched someone, but I don’t know if he cheated on me. I moved back in.
I eventually blocked the girl myself. He still has girls he dated on there and the girl he got pregnant on social too. He calls me insecure and to get over it. I feel like he made me insecure by talking to them and getting on tinder. I always wonder if he wanted her back instead of me. So many times he has declined to sleep with me and it makes me embarrassed and upset.
Fast forward and I’m pregnant. He maybe touches me ten times that year. He told me he didn’t really feel good about me during that time and I have no idea why. I feel so ugly and unsupported. He barely helps with the baby and I had PPD. He was complaining about me doing so badly to others. Apparently he needs to sleep after working 8 hours but I need to get up every hour every night to help our baby and all day long. I guess it’s safe for me to feel like I’m too tired to hold the baby but not safe for him to go to work tired.
He wanted to get married. We have a rushed wedding and he won’t let me change anything because he already mentioned possible dates to his dad. His dad picked our wedding date. His mom designed the wedding. I couldn’t go dress shopping or design my cake. I have hair growing out and a postpartum body. I can’t even look at my wedding photos. I feel like my special moment was taken from me. He wouldn’t let me change anything because he told family already and invited them. He also never got on one knee for me. Which all girls dream of. But he had an ex fiancé who he took to the beach and got on one knee for. For me he sat next to me on the first day I had morning sickness. I am jealous I am angry. I feel like he will never love me as much. She devastated him. I haven’t even known him half as long as she did.
He sounds horrible but he says very lovely things to me. He scratches my back for a long time and cooks what I want for dinner. I do not really feel comfortable talking to him about these things though. He gets very worked out and upset and calls me names…he is a good person I think though.
What do I do? Did I mess up my life? Should I get us relationship counseling? I don’t feel any peace. I feel he puts other girls feelings before mine. I feel too old and ugly and full of baggage to start over and I’m not sure I could handle someone else’s past either. I couldn’t handle another woman raising my girl.
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TLDR: husband has past flings on social and won’t remove them. His pregnancy when he met me. Wouldn’t stop talking to ex and was on tinder. What should I do?

Wish I had broken up with my husband (30M) when I ( 25F) first met him 4 years ago. He led me on and kept sleeping with me while he secretly met with and was trying to decide what to do about the last girl he saw who found out she was pregnant. Can’t handle hearing her name ever or the word ab***tion. Why did I keep dating him after I found out? He was trying to decide if he should marry her.
We continued to date because I’m an idiot. And he wouldn’t stop following girls he slept with on social. He likes their selfies and messages them a lot. He got upset that I asked him to stop and remove them..:many times. I had moved into his house and he made me leave for a week because I asked him again to stop talking to this younger girl he slept with. I went to my parents for a week and found out he had been on tinder. I know he matched someone, but I don’t know if he cheated on me. I moved back in.
I eventually blocked the girl myself. He still has girls he dated on there and the girl he got pregnant on social too. He calls me insecure and to get over it. I feel like he made me insecure by talking to them and getting on tinder. I always wonder if he wanted her back instead of me. So many times he has declined to sleep with me and it makes me embarrassed and upset.
Fast forward and I’m pregnant. He maybe touches me ten times that year. He told me he didn’t really feel good about me during that time and I have no idea why. I feel so ugly and unsupported. He barely helps with the baby and I had PPD. He was complaining about me doing so badly to others. Apparently he needs to sleep after working 8 hours but I need to get up every hour every night to help our baby and all day long. I guess it’s safe for me to feel like I’m too tired to hold the baby but not safe for him to go to work tired.
He wanted to get married. We have a rushed wedding and he won’t let me change anything because he already mentioned possible dates to his dad. His dad picked our wedding date. His mom designed the wedding. I couldn’t go dress shopping or design my cake. I have hair growing out and a postpartum body. I can’t even look at my wedding photos. I feel like my special moment was taken from me. He wouldn’t let me change anything because he told family already and invited them. He also never got on one knee for me. Which all girls dream of. But he had an ex fiancé who he took to the beach and got on one knee for. For me he sat next to me on the first day I had morning sickness. I am jealous I am angry. I feel like he will never love me as much. She devastated him. I haven’t even known him half as long as she did.
He sounds horrible but he says very lovely things to me. He scratches my back for a long time and cooks what I want for dinner. I do not really feel comfortable talking to him about these things though. He gets very worked out and upset and calls me names…he is a good person I think though.
What do I do? Did I mess up my life? Should I get us relationship counseling? I don’t feel any peace. I feel he puts other girls feelings before mine. I feel too old and ugly and full of baggage to start over and I’m not sure I could handle someone else’s past either. I couldn’t handle another woman raising my girl.
——
TLDR: husband has past flings on social and won’t remove them. His pregnancy when he met me. Wouldn’t stop talking to ex and was on tinder. What should I do?

im new to Reddit so I apologize if im doing this wrong, i think im asking for advice/opinions.. im 21f and two or three years ago i started hanging out with an old friend again after a few years, it was right after a serious relationship for me so honestly i was just rebounding and having fun with an old friend. Anyways.. after about a month of hanging out everyday with him and his friends, and three hookups later, hes driving me home and says “ive started talking to this one girl recently and id feel bad if we kept seeing each other while I pursued her”. Very understandable, i told him thats no problem, no worries and that were all good. That was the last i heard of him until a year later. 

After about a year, im back together with the ex i was hung up on while rebounding with (well call him jake). Im at the mall with my friend and i get a “hey girly” text from a girl well call sara. Anyways, sara proceededs to say that her and jake were dating and she thinks jake was cheating on her with me, she then said when she found out abt the cheating he cried and said that while he tried to break it off with me, i “screamed and cried” and said “i love you, ill off myself if you leave… that I assaulted him during one of our hookups. I was blown away.

Sara clarifies and assures me she knows the truth and that hes a lying cheating loser and i fill her in on what really happened between us, keep in mind, I know woman can hurt men like that, but the three times we hooked up I was stomach down face down the whole time and it was during a very sickly time in my life, I was under 90lbs. It just wasn’t possible unless i drugged the mf somehow, he was very big… anyways, after that jake tried reaching out to me to hang out again and i literally said “if i assaulted you why would u wanna hang w ur abuser?” And blocked him after that. 

For the next year n half Sara and I aren’t close friends but we are mutuals and frequently interacted via instagram, the typical liking posts and replying to stories… i didnt start noticing anything off about Sara until it was basically too late, essentially it started with a TikTok she reposted on instagram saying something like “when she copy’s you” idk just something along those lines. I cant tell you why i had a feeling it was about me, but i did.. i ignored it and immediately pushed down the idea that she posted that directed towards me, i remember thinking to myself “there’s no way, i mean we’ve had literally no issues lol”.. and i mean her and i are still interacting completely normal still atp.

i cant remember how long after the TikTok repost till the indirect, direct posts, started getting really personal. Things like “the girl they cheat with is always uglier.” But it really started going downhill till i noticed.. no matter what time it is.. 4am..1pm.. she was my first instagram story viewer, without fail, everytime. 

In my head at this point im just thinking like “yk i post a lot, its not weird, maybe she’s just really active like me” during this time im really just trying to avoid the truth which is, that girl isn’t my friend, her and I weren’t close but i hold friends more dear than anything and i always have, she went through something hurtful that i was involved with and although i didnt know she and jake were together i felt i owed her loyalty and at least someone that’ll be real with her.
Now im getting to the main event.. i know.. this is already insane enough. Trust me. Anyways very very soon after i clock it that Sara is always my first viewer, thats when the eerily similar post come up. It started with random little things, and maybe thats why it took me so long to notice but it started with me posting a picture of a bush outside and, im not joking, two minutes later after being my first viewer, posts a SOMEHOW “prettier” (subjectively) bush than i posted. Then id post a selfie in a certain pose and minutes later shed post the same exact thing of herself. By this time ive NOTICED what’s slowly happening but I truly didnt want to believe this shit again im thinking to myself “youre not that bitch, why would someone COPY you” i mean this girl is pretty! Smart! Insane daddy’s money! Why tf would she be pressed over me, at the time i was sick and depressed and lowkey Emo.

the basically blatant copying continued for a few months, i really didnt want to bring it up and it had gotten to a point where i was thinking of this situation pretty often, it made me feel gross and weird and mean, i felt mean thinking she’d copy me. It was horrible. I had gotten Into a new Relationship at this time and i was just ignoring it until one day i lost a picture of a hummingbird and the caption says “omg a hummingbird has never been so close to me” those birds are very important to me they remind me of my grandmas old cottage. NOT EVEN A WHOLE 2 MINUTES GO BY and she posts a video of a hummingbird flying CLOSER to her. 

That was the breaking point for me honestly, i didn’t say anything to her nor post anything bout her, i simply unfollowed her on instagram and that was that, I unfollowed her and refreshed her account 5 seconds later SHE BLOCKED ME. It had all clicked, she was on my account all day. Everyday refreshing my account, always my first viewer, post exact lookalikes to what im postng, purchasing clothes and random things i own. It was all on purpose and she knew what she was doing. But that was that, what’s done was done and i moved on, literally forgot about her existence.
UNTIL THREE MONTHS LATER i get a. Message from one of those fake phone numbers saying “come get ur man girl” and sends a photo of my bf at the time liking a body photo of Sara’s on instagram. Now I wasn’t mad at the obviously photoshopped screenshot, like that shit was fucking stupidly photoshopped the fonts were completely different, i was mad about her HUNG UP on me. I replied saying stuff like youre nothing but a spoiled brat who cries when she doesnt get her way, i said she complains about these things in her life that she causes herself, all the drama she was in and i blindly defend her, somehow she was always in beef with ppl that stalked her and copy’s her an all these People want to be as rich and pretty and smart and funny her and they cant so they hate her, i said you are the evil one and now i see it, you cause these issues and when people defend themselves or disengage with you because of your behavior towards them you blast them on social media painting them as the bag guy because you know people will blindly believe you. I said much more in much better wording but thats basically that.. AND BOY DID SHE NOT LIKE THAT

here begins the relentless posting of me, she’s posted blatant insane lies like im a pedo and a racist,, that i support mass genocide and im a rapist, im a stalker who wants to be her so bad but ill never be as educated and wealthy and ill never have a good job and will be a lifeless loser my whole life. INSANE SHIT LMAOO, i entertained it for a while, shed post lies and id post “un actually here’s what happened” and she’s post my post and cover out the parts she sounds bad and only post the parts where I admittedly went wrong, but like i willl literally admit Where i said sum I shouldn’t have so wtf. 

This cycle goes on for months, she contacts these older girls who previously had beef with me and had them give her all my information so now she’s signing my phone number up for the national guard, my address, my full name and family’s name. She’s actually lost her mind atp, it’s been two years and biweekly she Post about. me, pushing this narrative that im all these things yet has no proof to back up anything, even tho i have timeline proof of my posts then hers, i buy something then she buys it after, saying Vietnamese noses are ugly. Proof of her asking for my information. She has her army of blinded losers constantly stalking me along with her and talking about me, texting me talking all this ignorant shit and ive sat here all by myself just flabbergasted, for the first year it really did get to me, id feel sick, i felt the need to prove to her and her instagram followers that im not who she’s saying i am, and even she herself knows that. I eventually just stopped fighting back, i stopped trying to clear my name and clear the air.. i learned she’s a Narcissist , no matter the response. She’s going to feed off of it, i’ve been nice, i’ve been rude, i’’ve been empathetic, and ive been cruel. nothing stopped her and im afraid nothing but time will.

This started when i was 19 and i’m now 21, i’’ve called the cops but since this is classified as “cyber bullying” there’s no laws and nothing they can do, after learning i called the cops on her she started posting about a case she’s making against me for defamation which is confusing bc i never told a lie, she did. I notice After two years she just projects everything, her deepest insecurities are right there if you look, it’s what she brags, and shows off the most, herself. She has everything, anyone could want and need yet she’s still so Miserable, yet me, broke as fuck, pretty but nothing to brag abt, i don’’t materially have what she has and she thinks because of that i created this whole mess, but ive always been richer,, im happy with myself, im content most days and thats incredible, i have the most beautiful friends who love me. And would die for me, family i adore. I have everything. The great job, the loads of money and gucci purse can fucking wait, thats my even what i want truly, i want to be a mother. there’s much more detail but this post is already so long and draining, i honestly dont know what to say, I haven’t gone on her account in months but ill still hear and see screenshots every now and then of what she says, the most recent one was yesterday and its that i apparently have been calling her little brothers phone, who’s also a minor. Just untrue, honestly sinister, evil shit. Evil person. And i regret befriending her.. 

A few months ago I found some texts (from around 4-5 months after we started dating) of my gf talking about how she misses her ex, would leave me for him if he wanted her back and basically she thought I was kind of a square compared to him because I don’t reveal much about myself. Now being 100% honest, I didn’t really care, because i was mentally checked out of relationships anyway. Long as I was having fun and getting some pussy I ain’t care. Time went on, and she started getting more into me, to the point where she always tells me she loves me and I don’t say it. She brings me food, cooks for me, we fuck whenever I want, runs little errands for me (even tho I don’t like asking for much because I rather do it alone) and always wants to hang out. Essentially, I have her mind. I can understand how she thought I was corny at the start cause I was still in a simp type mindframe when it came to women (I was fresh out of a 3 year relationship where I got cheated on, and she was too) but I fixed it as the new relationship went on.
Anyways, I had a dream about the texts tonight. I been stopped caring but the dream made me annoyed again. Do I just keep on as if nothing happened, or break up with her. I don’t care about what she said in an emotional way, but it’s kind of annoying how this bitch was shitting on me to her friends while acting like she was down at the start. She may be down now, but I can’t let shit like that pass. If she kept it to herself I wouldn’t care at all, but the fact that she told other people annoys me. I’ll get a new bitch when I want, but I barely like relationships now. What would yall do
Edit: for context we been dating since Dec 2022 and I met all her family and shit, plus we were in the same friend group for years before this

I (23 F) just cut off my now ex-friend/teammate/student (19 F) (we’ll call her M) of 12 years. For some context, we were teammates and a dance team for years, we met when we were kids. M and I never really got along, but we were never harsh to one another. M suffers from various mental health issues and uses it as a crutch for everything. I think I finally started to get fed up with using her shortcomings as an excuse for bad behaviour about five or six years ago. i’m not holding anything against her because of her mental health struggles. I think she’s very strong for admitting that to me. but it shouldn’t be the singular reason why everything in your life is not going your way.
we’ve never had any real problems, we would have normal teenage girls spats, and say stupid teenage girl stuff, until about a year ago. at a competition, she started attacking me in front of all of the parents present for the competition. we were literally on the dance floor as she was coming for me. saying stuff like “You treat me like trash, you’ve always been an asshole to me, and I don’t want to talk to you”. it made an entire scene and everyone was watching it play out. I’m a dance teacher now, so that was super scary and embarrassing to have happened in front of the parents of the kids that I’m responsible for. I managed to convince her to talk outside, where she began to go off and trauma dump on me about her past experiences with dance teachers, and bullying, and then no one understood her because of her ADHD.
we had a long-winded conversation about what we could do to make each other feel seen and heard, and what solutions might be. really trying to have an adult conversation about the whole situation. We hugged it out. I told her I loved her and that I would always be there for her if she ever needed me. I even texted her after thanking her for taking the time to talk it out with me. and she wished me safe travels home.
we haven’t spoken since then, but I reached out recently. I was trying to congratulate her on a project that she worked on. Saying “I hope you are proud of how it came out. looks like a great experience for you!” M replied, “Nice.” and then didn’t reply to any of my messages after that.
I don’t even really know what I did wrong, and I don’t know how to make it better, or even if I should make it better. I blocked her on absolutely everything. Her phone number, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok too. I did it to protect my peace. but I’m starting to feel like an asshole.
need some outside perspectives or advice .. am I the asshole?

So I know we've got a patch coming but I feel like no one's talking about Grimm since he released and things I've seen in gameplay both playing as grimm and seeing others play him have led me to believe there's a real problem with his design. This is going to be long.
Let's start with his problems:
Grim is a carry, however unlike basically every other ADC he does not have mobility, escape tools, or even a snare. He at best has an anemic knockback but on top of that, he has a weak early game due to lack of offensive abilities and a severe dependency on items even more so than other carries. Murdoc/Twin blast/Kira all have some way to get away from or peel the enemy off themselves, even Sparrow(arguably the most basic of adc's) at least has a slow and movespeed bonus in her kit.
He also is unique in that he deals entirely magic damage but has a hybrid scaling setup. Which is a problem because items don't really fit neatly into his stat needs, and more importantly his unique situation results in awkward item interactions.
Ex: Items that apply on hit effects DO NOT apply assault mode damage despite it being an on hit effect. Life steal actually DOES work with his basic despite being magic damage(A loy of people were confused by this and didn't know lifesteal worked). He needs Magic pen to deal with tankyness but most of the items he would normally build don't have it as a stat leaving him with only caustica as an option and while normally magic damage doesn't crit Grim can...but only with his basic attack.
Additionally Items like Combustion and Magnify do not trigger off of Assault mode damage either(which i thought was really odd in the case of combustion in particular since it only specifies ability damage) So even these items which on paper might be things grim would want don't synergize as well as they should. Meanwhile Infernum does work.
This creates an awkward itemization and I'm seeing a lot of grims that don't seem to know what to build or when to build it. Grim's that commit to magic items end up with anemic damage output because assault mode doesn't scale well enough to be meaningful damage on it's own, his passive is minor damage even if true damage and in the case of magic items he obviously isn't able to increase his basic attack strength. On the other hand Physical item grim plays like a traditional ADC but just with magic damage yet still ends up lacking due to his lack of tools in his kit compared to conventional ADC's.
He's incredibly slow and easy to run down.
He essentially only has ONE offensive ability until level 6 meaning he's at a severe disadvantage against almost any lane opponents. He has no real benefits that make up for this.
His spell shield often fails to provide any real protection and has no real impact on the flow of battles. Ex: Phase fires her beam at you, spell shield only blocks 1 tick of it not the whole thing you still take damage you still get rooted and there's nothing grim can do about it because he's so slow in the first place.
His passive is literally forgettable, it contributes so little to fights it almost might as well not be there.
The benefits:
An emphasis on magic damage forces opponents into alternative build routes if he gets ahead to deal with his magic damage, they can't just build tainted bastion and call it a day.
Displacement cannon is a long range mortar in assault mode letting him poke like a mage would.
His ultimate tracks targets and can secure kills from long distance as long as he has line of sight.
In rare cases you just might spell shield something like a countess ult and save yourself but more often than not it'll be popped by an incidental hit from some ability and you'll die anyway.
Annnnd.....that's about it.
Possible Solutions:
1: Make the spell shield a barrier that gives damage reduction and CC immunity to hard CC(knock ups/stuns) but not soft cc(slows/silences) This would give grim an offensive and defensive tool to chase down a kill or to flee without getting cc locked. Or make spell shield into a stim, say successfully blocking an attack with the shield gives grim bonuses to aspd/movement for a short duration increasing as he ranks the ability up.
2: Assault mode's slow should not be a decaying slow. At max rank it's a 20% slow for 0.8 seconds. that means in 0.4 seconds the max rank slow is already down to 10%(the same as rank 1's full value) which is already not very significant especially for a character as slow as grim is. This also means the lower ranks are genuinely inconsequential amounts of slow. Additionally add a 4/8/12/16/20 base damage to the ranks of assault mode. A lot of people don't seem to realize ranking it up doesn't actually increase the damage at all despite the increased mana cost and the not very effective slow. since he lacks offensive tools, and an escape a decent slow is the least he can be given so he can at least attempt to kite. but given his movement speed that seems unlikely.
3: Add a silence or a micro stun to displacement cannon so he can interrupt enemy attacks. Position it as something that can be a life saving interrupt defensively or a silence to shut off opposing abilities to allow for an engage. Possibly also increase the knockback power. It's pretty sad to see an enemy blink/leap in throw a orb of plasma in their face and they only back up a whole 4 inches and proceed to be completely unbothered.

1. Change the pulsefire passive so either some % of magic power is added to his basic attack or give him magic armor shred on his attacks/abilities. Hell maybe even make it actual fire, some stacking burning effect with a max stack bonus. Any of these would give him actual team synergy with other magic users. Every other ADC has a passive that directly improves their ability to deal damage meanwhile Grim's passive is more like a bruiser passive more in line with someone like Kwang but without any of the durability.

All in all Grimm feels like he was designed for an entirely different role but got shoved into the carry position because his kit revolved around ranged basic attacks. But someone nerfed his durability but didn't change the rest of his kit to address his vulnerability in the new role.

A few months ago I found some texts (from around 4-5 months after we started dating) of my gf talking about how she misses her ex, would leave me for him if he wanted her back and basically she thought I was kind of a square compared to him because I don’t reveal much about myself. Now being 100% honest, I didn’t really care, because i was mentally checked out of relationships anyway. Long as I was having fun and getting some pussy I ain’t care. Time went on, and she started getting more into me, to the point where she always tells me she loves me and I don’t say it. She brings me food, cooks for me, we fuck whenever I want, runs little errands for me (even tho I don’t like asking for much because I rather do it alone) and always wants to hang out. Essentially, I have her mind. I can understand how she thought I was corny at the start cause I was still in a simp type mindframe when it came to women (I was fresh out of a 3 year relationship where I got cheated on, and she was too) but I fixed it as the new relationship went on.
Anyways, I had a dream about the texts tonight. I been stopped caring but the dream made me annoyed again. Do I just keep on as if nothing happened, or break up with her. I don’t care about what she said in an emotional way, but it’s kind of annoying how this bitch was shitting on me to her friends while acting like she was down at the start. She may be down now, but I can’t let shit like that pass. If she kept it to herself I wouldn’t care at all, but the fact that she told other people annoys me. I’ll get a new bitch when I want, but I barely like relationships now. What would yall do
Edit: for context we been dating since Dec 2022 and I met all her family and shit, plus we were in the same friend group for years before this

Dated a guy for two months I met off bumble when he broke up with me via text saying we weren’t compatible. I kind of went off on him for using me, wasting my time and lying because the reasons he gave for us not being compatible were total bs because they were literally things I brought up to him date 1 and he went out of his way to reassure me he was ok with it then. I was even more mad because I asked if he could speak to me in person for closure and he refused.
Buuuuut now that I think about it I feel bad for being so mean in my response. Yeah he was full of shit but ew that reaction makes me cringe so bad. I never reacted this badly to a breakup before lol even when my ex of years ghosted me I was super nice.
Would you appreciate an apology two weeks later if you were him ooooor should I let it go.

Someone suggested I post this story over here… enjoy!
When our first child was born, my ex forced me to quit my job. When our 2nd child was 2, I found out about his affair. By then he was extremely verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. When he abused our first born, I put him out. That was in 2012.
I couldn’t afford daycare to work and had no family support. He refused to give me any money to take care of the kids saying “The courts haven’t ordered me to give you a dime!” He lied to the bank and had my accounts frozen and even assaulted me when I filed for default in the divorce.
The judge finally ordered him to pay child and spousal support 6 months after I kicked him out. It was 2562 a month. He refused to pay it until the garnishment kicked in and by then he was 6k behind in support. I used that to get permission to move away.
I remarried a year after the divorce. I checked the court docs and there was a little box that said spousal support stopped upon remarriage if that box was checked. It wasn’t checked, so I figured I was good. Instead of filing for his retirement, I just took that year of spousal support (12k) and left it alone. (Spousal support was only ordered for 2 years)
In 2017, he filed for sole custody of the kids out of nowhere. That was when he found out I had remarried and he had paid spousal support to me during the first year of my marriage. I told him I took that money instead of filing for my share of his retirement. I said if he let me keep that 12k, I wouldn’t file to split his 401k. He demanded that I repay the spousal support. The judge ordered me to repay it but increased child support and deducted the repayment from that. It ended up that I got an extra 20.00 a month and he repaid himself. He dropped his bid for custody in exchange for 2 extra weeks in summer.
I pursued the retirement account split. He refused to cooperate and dragged it out for 4 years. It was so bad, they sanctioned him and he had to pay me 600 a month for a year in addition to child support. They also charged him with contempt.
In Jan 2021, he proposed to his girlfriend. In May of 2021, I finally got the disbursement from his 401k. I won’t say how much it was, but it was about 4 times the amount of spousal support overpayment. I had no idea it would be that much. I had thought it would be around 12k which is why I thought keeping that year of spousal and not filing for his retirement account was a fair trade. Had he not tried to take the kids from me, I never would’ve filed to split the account. Play stupid games… win stupid prizes.
In summary, my ex refused to pay me until support orders dropped, refused to pay until they revoked his license. Tried to get me in trouble for accepting spousal support over payment and in the end it cost him a lot of money out of his 401k.

Wish I had broken up with my husband (30M) when I ( 25F) first met him 4 years ago. He led me on and kept sleeping with me while he secretly met with and was trying to decide what to do about the last girl he saw who found out she was pregnant. Can’t handle hearing her name ever or the word ab***tion. Why did I keep dating him after I found out? He was trying to decide if he should marry her.
We continued to date because I’m an idiot. And he wouldn’t stop following girls he slept with on social. He likes their selfies and messages them a lot. He got upset that I asked him to stop and remove them..:many times. I had moved into his house and he made me leave for a week because I asked him again to stop talking to this younger girl he slept with. I went to my parents for a week and found out he had been on tinder. I know he matched someone, but I don’t know if he cheated on me. I moved back in.
I eventually blocked the girl myself. He still has girls he dated on there and the girl he got pregnant on social too. He calls me insecure and to get over it. I feel like he made me insecure by talking to them and getting on tinder. I always wonder if he wanted her back instead of me. So many times he has declined to sleep with me and it makes me embarrassed and upset.
Fast forward and I’m pregnant. He maybe touches me ten times that year. He told me he didn’t really feel good about me during that time and I have no idea why. I feel so ugly and unsupported. He barely helps with the baby and I had PPD. He was complaining about me doing so badly to others. Apparently he needs to sleep after working 8 hours but I need to get up every hour every night to help our baby and all day long. I guess it’s safe for me to feel like I’m too tired to hold the baby but not safe for him to go to work tired.
He wanted to get married. We have a rushed wedding and he won’t let me change anything because he already mentioned possible dates to his dad. His dad picked our wedding date. His mom designed the wedding. I couldn’t go dress shopping or design my cake. I have hair growing out and a postpartum body. I can’t even look at my wedding photos. I feel like my special moment was taken from me. He wouldn’t let me change anything because he told family already and invited them. He also never got on one knee for me. Which all girls dream of. But he had an ex fiancé who he took to the beach and got on one knee for. For me he sat next to me on the first day I had morning sickness. I am jealous I am angry. I feel like he will never love me as much. She devastated him. I haven’t even known him half as long as she did.
He sounds horrible but he says very lovely things to me. He scratches my back for a long time and cooks what I want for dinner. I do not really feel comfortable talking to him about these things though. He gets very worked out and upset and calls me names…he is a good person I think though.
What do I do? Did I mess up my life? Should I get us relationship counseling? I don’t feel any peace. I feel he puts other girls feelings before mine. I feel too old and ugly and full of baggage to start over and I’m not sure I could handle someone else’s past either. I couldn’t handle another woman raising my girl.
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TLDR: husband has past flings on social and won’t remove them. His pregnancy when he met me. Wouldn’t stop talking to ex and was on tinder. What should I do?