-WORLD:
Setting post-apocalypse. Nuclear war devastated the entire world, destroying all major cities and plunging the world into chaos and anarchy. Everything became an inhospitable wasteland, a dry and infertile land. Most of the world is radioactive and toxic, most of it is low radiation, there are parts (like craters and lakes) where radiation is extremely high called death zones. Most of humanity was extinguished by war and bombing, some mutated, others took refuge in shelters for hundreds of years until they ran out of resources and were forced out by the failure of the ventilation, water purification and electricity systems of the shelters. Now there are small nomadic groups, wandering loners, looting gangs, scavengers and factions of all kinds. The wilderness is in total chaos with no law and order, much danger. Mutated flora and fauna, ruthless lunatics, no one has morals, everyone survives or plunges into madness and sadism.
More details. All that is left is desert and ruined cities, remnants of civilisation long forgotten. All technology is extremely valuable and scarce, most use rustic weapons and tools to save bullets and guns. General low radiation has little effect on people other than physical wear and tear, high radiation is deadly and brutal and there are known ways to enter the death zones. Factions vary from idealists seeking to rebuild civilisation with hope and brutal sadistic hedonists who love this lawless world and spend their days terrorising wasteland and its inhabitants (savages and barbarians), and also groups who only join together to survive without a long term plan. One of the biggest problems is food and lack of drinking water. There are only rumours and legends of fertile and peaceful lands but they are all false hopes. The story takes place on America. so they all speak english, the currency is either trade or they use food, water and bullets, some trade with their bodies, offering their "services" (mostly healthy people since most are scarred or deformed by radiation to different degrees, from light rashes to melting flesh), people more physically attractive are more valuable as treasure and as a currency. Another really valuable asset is cars and gasoline. Despite all the different types of characters and factions that exist, they all share one characteristic, a grey morality (in some cases more noble, in others absolute degenerates with no ethics or morals).
-MUTANTS:
Now onto the juicy part. The mutants. For now I came up with only three main classes, of course they are all different and varied but they can be classified in one of these three groups. Let's go one by one, building them up.
----GOBLINS:
First, the Goblins. Mutated humans, with messy DNA, including parts of rat, pig and so on, but mostly human. Named for their similarity to the fantasy race. Nasty little humanoid creatures, completely disgusting, full of warts and bumps, long noses and crooked yellow teeth. About the size of an 8 year old child, but with the appearance described above. They have below average intelligence, can communicate with each other and with humans and other mutants, but are not capable of complex societies or goals beyond survival, they are only interested in procreating and eating. They are capable of eating anything thanks to their powerful digestive systems, but prefer meat, especially human meat for its tenderness, although it is not uncommon to see them eating their own excrement (not because it has nutritional value, but simply for the fact that they are constantly hungry). Goblins are always male, there is no such thing as a female goblin. For this reason, their mutations allow them to breed with female humans. A goblin pregnancy lasts between a week and a month (depending on the goblin's virility) and mothers usually give birth to a litter of 4 to 6 goblins, goblin dna is so strong that all offsprings between human and goblin are always pure goblins. In very rare cases a human woman can become pregnant with a human when bred by goblins, one in every 100 pregnancies on average. This causes goblins to capture humans as food, keeping females as bredingstock and livestock, turning them into baby factories until they become barren and are used as horses (ridden or beasts of burden) or eaten.
Goblins treat humans as animals. They live in disorganised societies of around 500 members, they have no hierarchy or any kind of government, they live freely and there are no disputes between them, they share food and breeding mates as a free use society, bonding over these acts. When ambushing, attacking or raiding enemies they have great coordination and teamwork, on their own they are extremely weak but together they are a serious threat. They are usually rough and aggresive but prefer their victims to surrender over forcing them, for this reason any humans who surrender and cooperate are not unnecessarily harmed, but they have no problem hurting or killing anyone who resists.
To further expand on goblins. Goblins eat their own excrement mainly because they like to chew on something, but also in goblin societies it is valued that the breath is stinky (a mixture of everything they eat) a goblin with horrible breath means a goblin that eats a lot, hence a healthy and strong goblin. Goblins kill any creature they find when hunting, forming large piles of carcasses and carcasses inside their caves, they don't care if it spoils as it doesn't affect them at all, although they prefer fresh meat. The only creature they don't kill when hunting are human females, in fact when in their raids they accidentally kill one that goblin is banished as a traitor (since their most valuable resource is their breedingstock since it keeps the horde with more members). Despite their roughness they take care of their breedingstock, keeping them on farms, so that they last as long as they can and have as many children as possible, although once the females become infertile they are treated as just another beast, abused as beasts of burden or just butchered to eat them. Female humans are fed a slop, a filthy mixture of goblin excrement and meat of all kinds crushed and mashed, when a goblin breeds a female human it alters their genetic material so that their digestive systems are goblin-like, though the taste is still dreadful and horrifying to them. Goblins do not need nurturing or care from their mothers, they are completely disconnected from them, no relationship, they just see their mother as cattle. Human female breast milk is one of the goblins' favourite thing, they love the taste and texture of it, for this reason the captured females are constantly lactating and milked. Goblins on their own are weak due to their inferiority in intelligence and strength. Though they are immune to radiation and disease, a goblin bite carries hundreds of infections and diseases, sometimes goblins threaten their captured breeding stock with biting them to keep them controlled.
Well, to expand some more on goblins. When they breed a human female they inject hormones along with their genetic code that makes them lactate constantly as well as increasing their fertility. It is a hormone so powerful that the captured female needs to be constantly milked or their breasts swell indefinitely with milk which hurts them. Goblins brand their breeding stock with burning irons to mark them as the breeders of the horde. Goblins sometimes give some of their breeding stock nicknames to remember them and further dominate them (these nicknames are based on traits of the female. "Squealer" to one that constantly screams and cries. "Big Tits" to one that produces a lot of milk. "Pig" to one that eats a lot of slop. And so on, you get the idea). The goblins are well are that their bites are deadly to other creatures. The captured females' mental health usually ends one of these ways: most of them break and accept their new life and fate, surrendering to the goblins with loss; very few of them resist until the very end, showing defiance as they are being used, goblins are particularly rough with these ones; or they just lose their mind and become like animals, some even get to the point where they love their goblins masters and are happy to serve them, desperate to be bred and give birth to many goblins.
---ORCS:
The orcs. These types of mutants are called orcs due to their similarity to the fantasy race. They are humans mutated by radiation and bombs, their genetic material is a mixture of absolutely everything, a broth of characteristics and traits of hundreds of species, with the human gene being predominant. Therefore, they are also called super mutants. They are huge humanoid creatures, over 2.5 meters tall, broad shoulders and strong backs, excessive musculature and a burly and firm build. They usually have reddish to greenish skin and some have horns. They are thick-boned and have fangs and claws on their huge hands. They are the apex predator of wasteland, creatures of immense strength, stamina and agility, able to lift cars over their heads with ease, run long distances in a matter of seconds without tiring, and with a tough, rough skin that prevents bullets from penetrating past that layer. They are unrivalled and almost invincible against any other creature. They have below average intelligence, though they are smarter and more complex than goblins, and can communicate with each other and with humans and other mutants. They are savage, brutish, aggressive and violent, living in barbaric tribes of no more than 5 members, led by the largest, strongest, meanest and with the highest virility. Their camps are rustic, with tents and prehistoric structures, they usually decorate their bodies and their camps with bones and skins of all kinds of creatures. They are voracious and brutal, constantly fighting among themselves for control and kills and fighting with other tribes for food and territory. They are ruthless and merciless, finding tremendous pleasure in fighting and killing, living to conquer, eat and reproduce, slaughtering whoever they find. They worship radiation as a supreme deity, and believe that they are the ultimate life form worthy of rule over this world, thanking the bombs for giving them this power.
They are immune to radiation and disease. The leader is called a Warchief or Shaman and is considered a direct messenger of the will of the sadistic deity that is radiation. Orcs detest old world technology and destroy as much as they can find, this is because they consider it pathetic and an excuse for the weak to use against the strong, they use their bodies or crude and rustic weapons to fight (sledgehammers, hammers, and so on). They can be deceived anc tricked by smells since that is their most powerful sense, usually fall for baits with dead bodies. Their only weakness and way to actually defeat them is laser guns, this technology can burn through their skin and flesh, making it invaluable when facing the mighty orc threat. All tribes are similar in attitude, seeking conquest and pleasure. Shamans besides being the strongest orc of the tribe can grow in size up to twice their original size (this is due to the radiation in them being more intense), they are also more intelligent than the rest which also makes them more barbaric and savage. Orcs see absolutely all creatures on the planet as weak and inferior. When an orc gets older and weaker he is executed by the tribe to prevent him from having weak offspring like him, then he is buchered and eaten, his bones are thrown into a radioactive lake as a sacrifice to the deity of radiation. Although some manage to escape this fate and become solitary wanderers, they eventually lose their aggressiveness and retreat to isolate themselves in the death zones.
A bit more into Orcs. They are always male, there is no such thing as a female orc. Their genetic makeup is so powerful and their genetic material so varied and messy that they can breed absolutely anything, any race, any gender, anything, even each other (although this is extremely rare as an orc would rather die than mother another orc's offspring. An orc sees being bred as the ultimate form of defeat). Their sperm is so powerful and radioactive that it alters the body of the creature being bred by them, the most notorious changes being that it feminises the males, transforming them into females after several sessions, and causes whatever is being bred to get broader hips, swollen breasts, fatter bottoms, and so on. This transformation, which makes them more appealing to orcs, is known as ascension. The sperm is also a potent aphrodisiac that completely takes over the body of the one being bred, making then suffer extreme pleasure and high sensitivity for a while. Despite being able to breed anything, orcs prefer human females because their bodies are the tightest and most attractive, and because they give birth to stronger orcs. Pregnancies always give birth to a pure orc thanks to the powerful orc DNA. The gestation period is one month and is brutal on the mother, agonising and heavy. Orcs hunt for food and for breeding mates. Orcs, unlike goblins, are possessive of their breeding mates; when an orc claims one, he owns it and does not share it. Orcs eat whatever they capture and don't breed (either because they don't like them or because they are weak and their bodies would not support pregnancy) although some are kept as toys for stress relief.
-BEASTS:
---PIGS:
Let's start with the pigs. A horrible combination of pig, bull and human, intensified by radiation. They are mostly pigs, but they are larger than a bull, being huge and massive, and have human-like intelligence with below average intelligence. They are robust and powerful beasts, tough and strong, almost no one hunts them because they are formidable enemies, they have coarse and tough skin. They are also hideous and disgusting beasts, constantly covered in dirt and filth. They roam solitary, seeking food and companionship. They often interact with other pigs but do not form relationships or stay together for long. They are capable of eating anything because of their evolved digestive systems that require them to eat absurd amounts of food, although they prefer sweet snacks. They are aggressive towards any creature that is not another pig, attacking and tearing them apart, often eating them. They are not hunters because they do not go around looking for prey but they do not waste the opportunity to attack other creatures. They are immune to radiation and disease, they tend to roam the world and often gather in radioactive lakes to drink water and socialise.
More onto the Rad-Boars, the mutant pigs. They are practically invulnerable, and have no clear weakness, other than their beast-like behaviour, most choose to avoid them as, although killing one would mean a lot of food, their flesh is radioactive and they are almost impossible to defeat. Sometimes the orcs engage in combat against the pigs, always ending in a draw with both parties exhausted and barely damaged, it is more of a recreational activity for the orcs rather than a hunt, the pigs treat the orcs like all other creatures. Rad-Boars are cooperative and friendly with others of their kind, grooming each other and sharing experiences, they enjoy each other's company for a time before parting ways. Radioactive lake water does not affect them at all, as their radiation is so high that they simply absorb the radiation (the beast mutant types are the most radioactive of all, they are practically immortal as well). Pigs have their flesh constantly being melted and devoured by radiation but at the same time being regenerated by their powers, being in constant balance, this contributes to their disgusting and creepy appearance, with flesh falling off in chunks and skin sweating like sweat. Their genetic code was from all types of pigs and bulls but only the strongest genes were left to ensure their evolution. There are different sizes for the Rad-Boars, all huge and imposing. Although they can only emit pig and bull noises, they are capable of communicating with each other and of certain displays of intelligence, operating tools or solving puzzles.
So, more onto these pigs. Rad-boars can only be males, there are no female pigs. Most humans are terrified of pigs and they act accordingly, humans running away in fear and the boars chasing them aggressively, seeking to kill them. Pigs are aggressive creatures to all non-pigs, but there is a way to calm them down and tame them. If instead of panicking you keep a calm head you can try to communicate with them. The best way to calm a Rad-Boar is to appeal to its need for companionship and breeding. The woman should undress completely and approach the pig carefully, then she has to become seductive and sexy, grinding herself on him and complimenting him (calling him a stud, appeal to his virility, tell them they need him, they have an urge to be their mate). If they succeed, the pig won't attack them and instead will breed them, getting closer to them. The pigs are so radioactive that they cannot have offspring, the act of breeding is purely sexual and pleasurable, as well as a form of bond with a human female. The result of the breeding between a human female and a Rad-Boar is that the female will swell her belly as if she were heavily pregnant (at least 10 kilos of liquid inside her) and then expel all that slop, a glowing green goo, down her birth canal, giving birth to that slime. Then both the human and the pig would eat that slop, it is really sweet and tastes very good. The pig would be relaxed now and the human can escape. The act of breeding with a Rad-Boar, his sexual and bodily fluids as well as that goo, are extremely addictive for a human, making it a powerful drug for humans, the danger of the taming strategy is growing addicted to it quickly.
It's a dark and mature story. Onto more pigs. The addiction is brutal, in a couple of weeks of withdrawal it makes the human desperately need another dose, there is no cure and it only gets worse with time and more consumption of this drug, entering a loop that is doomed. Most humans either kill themselves or crave the sensation so much that they crawl back to the pig and beg for more. After a couple breeding sessions and when the addiction worsened the pig claims the human female as its mate, she accepts this as she is already addicted to him and his fluids. The pig then makes a nosehook, a collar and a leash with his own fur, leather, flesh and skin, and puts them onto his human, starting a relationship of dominance and control, between similar to marriage and a pet/owner dynamic. The pig mark his human mate by covering her on his filth so the other pigs know she is with him. The slop they eat after breeding makes the human immune to radiation and capable of eating anything, so they can travel together and drink from the lake. Over time the human accepts this position of submission and obedience to the pig, becoming his breeding mate and companion, living and travelling together. Some settlemens manage to get pigs as warhorses and vehicles by luring them with females and offering them to the pig as breeding mates so he cooperates, effectively making stables with these pigs and female sacrifices.
---Wolves:
A mutation, combination of dog, wolf, bear and human. Predominantly wolf and dog, but the size of a bear with the appearance of a grizzly wolf, with the intelligence of a human with below average intelligence (like rad-boars). They have the power, size and strength of a grizzly bear with the speed, agility and ferocity of a wolf, along the resilience and will of a hunt or guard dog. The best of each specie combined in an apex predator. Like wolves, they live in packs of several members, they work together and cooperate when hunting or fighting, while they are lead by an alpha and have a social structure and hierarchy similar to that of wolves, with all that implies. They travel the wasteland looking for good hunting spots as well as a place to establish a base (usually not deep caves on forests), once they settled they rarely leave too far and don't migrate unless food becomes really scarce. They are carnivorous but can eat other things to survive if they get too hungry. They are highly territorial and aggressive, violent and ruthless, very protective of their packs and their bases. They don't even get along with other wolves of different packs, easily recognising the members of each pack by their unique and characterstic smell. They have long and shiny fur, varying from white to black. Their behaviour is very similar to wolves and dogs.
To add more details. The warhounds are formidable beasts. They don't get too much weakness but can be intimidated sometimes if they consider the prey or foe too much of a hassle or not an immediate threat. They ignore rad-boars because they won't attack something if they consider or fear a member of the pack could get hurt or killed, they evaluate the possible outcomes of an encounter and won't fight a hard battle or one that could mean casualties for the pack. Packs have designated roles, from trackers who track down prey, to chasers who chase down wounded prey if they try to escape, there are the distracters, the main attackers, the secondary attackers, the rearguard (wolf cubs and very old), and the alpha who coordinates the attacks and hunts and decides if they should continue or retreat. The alpha is always the smartest and strongest warhound, the pack respects him but may challenge his position in a fight. The warhounds mark their territory by peeing on trees and zones to delimit the territory, as well as scratching and biting pieces of nature (wood, stone, walls, and so on). There is only one breed of warhounds, with individuals barely varying on size. Warhounds communicate mainly with scent, but also have a clear body language that is easy to identify, and can communicate primitively with growls, barks and howls (the latter being the most commonly used). The best way for a human to communicate with a warhound is to keep calm, don't show themselves as a threat and use clear body language.
A bit more details. The warhounds are always male, there are no female wolves/dogs. For this reason, they evolved to be able to breed human females. They are proud beasts that do not interact with members outside the pack, so they do not capture or force human females (even though they are their only way to breed and ensure the pack's prosperity). Therefore, as soon as they see a human, male or female, they attack to kill and eat. A human female can avoid this, she has to keep calm and not attack the warhounds, instead she has to communicate with them on their level, with clear body language. She has to get on all fours and adopt a wolf mating position as well as whimper and bark, this lets the wolves know that she does not want to hurt them and that she is looking to join their pack as a breeder and that she is interested in becoming a wolf and learning about them. The pack would then send a scout (a tracker) to check her out, they sniff each other out and lick each other faces to establish trust. If the scout approves she leads the human female into the pack, if not the pack just leaves her unharmed. This process makes breeders and mothers in a pack rare, with a ratio of one human female to every 5 warhounds on a pack. A pack is normally around 30 wolves, so an optimal pack would have at least 5 or 6 breeders, with the most efficient packs having up to 10 human females enlisted. The pregnancy is similar to those of wolves, a gestation period of two to three months and a birth of a litter with 3 to 5 cubs. This makes it so wolves compete for breeding mates, ranging from physical attributes of the warhound to the preference of the human female, or course the alpha always has a breeding mate secured. The offspring are always pure warhounds and never humans or a mix.
To further expand. Human females join warhound packs for various reasons, some are frightened when assaulted by wolves and take this strategy to survive, others are more willing, seeking protection in the wasteland, or even purpose or belonging in a world that lost it all, and others have no other way to survive and choose this life in order to eat something. Anyway, once a human female joins a pack of warhounds, the wolves teach them about their culture and society, showing them their bases, their usual routes, teaching them body language and verbal communication (within a few months, most human females know how to communicate with wolves better than how to communicate with humans, knowing the meaning of each growl, bark, howl, whimper and movement or gesture). Once the human female learns how to integrate onto the pack is time for her to breed, this process can take up to two months where the wolves compete for her attention, wrestling each other (without serious injuries) and courting her with flirtatious demonstrations of affection or breeding prowess (virility, size, confidence, assertiveness, and other desirable traits on a breeding partner). Of course, this whole process of competition is skipped when the alpha claims his breeding mate, but he still has to woo the human female so she willingly takes him, though she is in no position to refuse him and choose some other wolf. Until the human female is bred she has to pull her own weight in the pack, taking a special role on the hunting expeditions, the distractors, they lure prey with their helpless and vulnerable aspect so the pack can jump on the prey, they can also act as secondary attackers if the pack is lacking numbers. They also are the primary attackers when ambushing a human, they have to act innocent to make the human foe lower their guard and then strike mercilessly, surprisingly by the time they are active on hunting expeditions human females prefer and value more warhounds than humans.
Once the human female is pregnant with a litter of wolf cubs she goes from breeder to mother, staying on the rear when hunting or staying at the base along the cubs and the guard wolves. She takes a nurturing position, having to take care of the cubs along the other pregnant human females, they all share this responsibility and the babies are considered of the whole pack instead of an individual wolf, a collective society. Once a human female gives birth to her first pack her motherly instincts go intense and she feels profound love and devotion for any cub, really accepting and cherishing her role and purpose as a mother for the pack, she feeds them and teaches them everything they need to know to become good warhounds and productive members of the pack. To welcome a human female into the pack, all the warhounds pee on her to get her marked with the scent of the pack. The further a human female lives on a wolf pack the more she adapts and becomes like them on behaviour, loyalty and mentality.

For those in Blacksburg, here's a rundown of 28 local events you can enjoy in Blacksburg and throughout the New River Valley as June arrives.
Weekend Rundown of Local Fun: 1. Matt Holloman in Concert Rising Silo Farm Brewery, Blacksburg Friday, May 31, 2024, 6:00 - 9:00 PM Admission: Free Born and raised in southeastern Virginia, Matt Holloman has been playing around Virginia for more than 25 years. Growing up on his older brother’s blues collection, Matt mixed the likes of Howlin' Wolf and Muddy Waters with the experimental sounds of songwriters like Leonard Cohen and Frank Black, creating a style all his own. Always interested in reinventing his live performance, Matt uses a looper so he can improvise and manipulate layers of sound not usually heard from an acoustic performer. You can also expect simple, but memorable songs, reminiscent of storytelling songwriters like John Prine and Bob Dylan. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=777075
2. Friday Nights at the Farm with Music from Jim Korb Beliveau Farm Winery, Blacksburg Friday, May 31, 2024, 6:00 - 9:00 PM Admission: Free Jim Korb is an acoustic musician and guitarist based in Southwest, VA and a member of the band Stonehouse. "Just a singer; a natural-born guitar ringer, playing and singing a mix of Classic Country, Eagles, CCR, Skynyrd, and a little bit of everything else from John Denver to The Blues." Beliveau welcomes a special musical guest every Friday night with live music from 6:30 PM to 8:30 PM and sing along to all of your favorite classics. Enjoy delicious food from their full service kitchen until 8:30 PM and chat over a glass of wine during our extended bar hours until 9:00 PM. Get a $5 Beliveau Buck to use during your next visit for every $50.00 you spend on Friday nights from 6:00-9:00 PM. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=777450
3. Pizza Roll (Bike Ride) Blacksburg Library, Blacksburg Friday, May 31, 2024, 6:00 PM - TBD Admission: Free The New River Valley Bicycle Association (NRVBA) presents a Pizza Roll starting at the Blacksburg Library. Enjoy a five mile bike ride on the Huckleberry Trail and through Virginia Tech's campus, followed by post ride pizza at Benny's provided by Trek Blacksburg. This is a NRVBA ride, meaning waivers are required and can be filled out on site. If you have never ridden with NRVBA before, your first ride is free. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=777778
4. The Grascals in Concert Little River Bluegrass Barn, Radford Friday, May 31, 2024, 7:00 - 10:00 PM General Admission: $30.00, Reserved Tickets: $35.00 Great musicians will always find a way to make good music, but for great musicians to make great music, they must form a bond – one that, more often than not, goes beyond the purely musical to the personal. For The Grascals, that bond has been forged at the intersection of personal friendships, shared professional resumes and an appreciation for the innovative mingling of bluegrass and country music that has been a hallmark of the Nashville scene for more than 40 years. Their cutting-edge modern bluegrass is delivered with a deep knowledge of, and admiration for, the work of the music’s founding fathers. Timely yet timeless, The Grascals make music that is entirely relevant to the here and now yet immersed in traditional values of soul and musicianship. It’s a unique sound that has earned three Grammy® nominations and two Entertainer of the Year awards from the International Bluegrass Music Association, as well as national media attention that seems to perpetually elude acts entrenched in niche genres. Such appearances include The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Fox & Friends, The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, and CBS’ The Talk. The Grascals have over 200 guest appearances on the Grand Ole Opry to their credit and have also performed on the revered stages of Radio City Music Hall, the Ryman Auditorium and the Kennedy Center as well as music festivals such as MerleFest, Stagecoach, and the CMA Music Festival. In addition to performing across the United States and Canada, the awarding-winning band has traveled the world to take bluegrass music to Japan, Greece, France, Germany, Switzerland, Norway, and Belgium. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=777777
5. Line Dancing at Sinkland Sinkland Farms, Christiansburg Friday, May 31, 2024, 7:00 PM - TBD Admission: $10.00 Join Sinkland Farms for a fun-filled night of line dancing. All types of music and all levels of experience welcome. Energetic, enthusiastic instruction begins at 8:00 PM. Adult beverages and food truck will be available for purchase. Weather permitting, there will be outdoor dancing as well. This event is fun for all. Ages 16 & under must be accompanied by an adult. Doors open at 7:00 PM. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778214
6. 2024 Pulaski County Spring Flea Market New River Valley Fairgrounds, Dublin Saturday, June 1, 2024 and Sunday, June 2, 2024, 7:00 AM - 5:00 PM Admission: $2.00, Kids 6 and Under: Free The Dublin Lions Club presents the 2024 Two-Day Pulaski County Spring Flea Market celebrating 49 years. With over 20,000 visitors and 800 vendors spaces, more than a dozen different food vendors offering varied food options and the chance to eat a few of the famous "Lion Dogs", you will not want to miss this event. Check out vendors with crafts, antiques and more at the semi-annual Pulaski County Flea Market. Expect to have a ton of fun hunting for that rare items or the deal of the century. Although over 100 spaces are under roof, it is a largely an outdoor event. All proceeds go to the Dublin Lions and their numerous community causes such as eyeglasses for the needy and hunger relief in the community. This is their primary fundraiser each year. The event is rain or shine and parking is free. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778201
7. Benefit Ride for Bubba Williston's Family KFC, Christiansburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 9:00 AM - 12:30 PM $15.00-$20.00 Donation per vehicle. The Benefit Ride for Bubba's Family will start and end at KFC. Registration begins at 9:00 AM with kickstands up at 10:30 AM. Help raise money for Bubba Williston’s family. Bubba lost his life on Thursday, April 11th after saving his boys. Bubba leaves behind a wife, Danielle and three small children, Brantley, Kyler and Aubree. Let’s come together as a community and help ease the financial burden. There will also be door prizes, raffle and 50/50 raffle. Lunch will be served following the ride and returning to KFC. All bikes, cars, trucks and all vehicles welcome. Snacks will be provided on ride and lunch and drinks afterward. All proceeds benefit Bubba's wife and his three children. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778242
8. Cabin Fever 12: Six Band Charity Event Cabin Fever, Pilot Saturday, June 1, 2024, 11:00 AM - 10:00 PM Adults: $10.00, Kids 13 & Under: Free Cabin Fever Charity Events presents their semi-annual charitable musical fundraiser event Cabin Fever 12 benefiting the Floyd County Humane Society in honor of Kevin Dodson. A family style buffet and t-shirts will also be available for purchase and there will be both a live and silent auction featuring donations from local businesses and our line-up of seven performers. 100% of the proceeds from all items will be donated to the Floyd County Humane Society. Music Performers include Chris and Chelsea, Seph Custer, Jake and Jess, The Good Ole Boys, The Flying Doves, Hoppie Vaughan and the Ministers of Soul and By All Means. The family style buffet is highlighted by the world class pulled barbecue provided by Cabin Fever friend Hamp Maxwell is $10.00 per person. Credit cards and personal checks will be accepted the day of the event. Pets and children are welcome. Bring your dog and a $25.00 donation will be made on your behalf. All donations made to Cavin Fever Charity are 100% tax deductible. The event is BYOB and lawn chairs are welcome. Parking is free. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778240
9. Summer Reading Kickoff Event Blacksburg Library, Blacksburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 11:00 AM - 1:00 PM Admission: Free Grab your chalk and head to the library to kick off our summer reading program. Enjoy activities like a chalk walk, face painting, bubbles, and a sweet treat. Available while supplies last. All ages are welcome. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=777959
10. Ride-A-Rescue Cornhole Tournament Bisset Park, Radford Saturday, June 1, 2024, 11:00 AM - TBD Tournament Entry: $25.00 per team, Spectators: Free Ride-A-Rescue and Winterfrost Farm presents their Ride-A-Rescue Cornhole Tournament. Ride-A-Rescue is a local, non-profit, equine rescue that is holding an epic Cornhole Tournament throwdown to raise funds and awareness for their rescue's operation and rescue horses. The Cornhole Tournament is a double elimination tournament and open to all ages. There will also be a Kids Corner open all day and food vendors on site. First, second and third place teams will win big prizes. Teams can battle back in the Losers Bracket for another shot at the championship. All participating teams will also be entered in a drawing for awesome bonus prizes. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=776144
11. Lazy, Crazy, Hazy Days of Summer JBR Vineyards LLC, Pearisburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 12:00 - 5:00 PM and Sunday, June 2, 2024, 1:00 - 5:00 PM Admission: Free Wine Pricing: Tasting: $5.00, Glass of Wine: $5.00, Bottles of Wine: $15.00-$20.00 plus tax Experience the lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer with a delightful afternoon of wine tasting. Savor fine wine in a relaxed and enjoyable atmosphere. Stroll through the vineyard with a glass of your favorite wine. Credit cards and cash accepted. Dogs and kids welcome. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778155
12. Annual Loyalists in the Backcountry Event Wilderness Road Regional Museum, Newbern Saturday, June 1, 2024 and Sunday, June 2, 2024, 12:00 - 4:00 PM Admission: Free Join the Wilderness Road Regional Museum for the Two-Day Annual Loyalists in the Backcountry Event and learn about both the Patriots and Loyalists in the Backcountry of Southwest Virginia during the Revolutionary War. There will be some mischief afoot. Living history will be presented by the Fincastle Company on both days. Members of the Fincastle Company Living History group will share the history of the complicated interactions of the Patriots, "rascally" Loyalists, Tories, and those trying to stay "unaffected" during the American Revolution. On Sunday, there will be expanded programming including kids activities and a mock round up of the Tories to recreate some actual events in and around the Newbern area during the Revolutionary timeframe to include conspiracies, counterfeiting, and rounding up of the rascals. The event is free, but donations are always welcome and appreciated. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778165
13. 2024 New Town Festival Gospel Sing St. Luke and Odd Fellows Hall, Blacksburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 12:00 - 6:00 PM Admission: Free The Blacksburg Museum & Cultural Foundation presents the 8th Annual New Town Festival Gospel Sing. The afternoon will be filled with dancing, singing and fellowship as five local groups and soloists perform their favorite current and old-time gospel favorites. Kirk’s BBQ will be onsite with food available for purchase. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778231
14. Speed Friending Program for Ages 20-45 Christiansburg Library, Christiansburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 1:00 - 3:00 PM Admission: Free Are you interested in meeting new people? Want to make friends in the area, but find it hard to make time? Join the library for a fun and free way to connect with others in the community. Speed Friending will start with a speedy round of conversation starters. Yes, similar to speed dating, questions and conversation will be available for those who need it. Hang around after to chat, enjoy snacks, play games, or make plans with new friends. There will also be door prizes. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778081
15. Saturday Afternoon Music with Leslie Brooks New River Vineyard & Winery, Fairlawn Saturday, June 1, 2024, 2:00 - 5:00 PM Admission: Free Leslie Brooks is a singer-songwriter, performing solo with guitar, playing jazz, folk, blues, rockin' country and popular favorites originally from Kentucky now resides in Virginia. She has played the best venues in a 16-state area, as well as in Norway and Monte Carlo. Opened for Heart, James Taylor, Bob Margolin and Willie Nelson to name a few. Feel to free to select your favorites from her 300-song music menu. Seating is first come, first served. No reservation required. Guests can bring a blanket and/or chair. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778088
16. Spring Garden Day and Flower Art Opening Montgomery Museum of Art & History Gardens, Christiansburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 2:00 - 4:00 PM Admission: Free This event will feature the "Flower Art in the Garden" Theme Show, showcasing the creativity of local artists. Participants were tasked with decorating "flat flower" templates, thoughtfully crafted by students at Blacksburg High School, which will be placed throughout the site. Participants were encouraged to incorporate native southwest Virginia plants into their artwork, resulting in a vibrant display that celebrates the region's natural beauty and artistic talent. In addition to the art exhibit, Spring Garden Day offers a wonderful opportunity for attendees to explore the Museum Garden with gardeners on-site to answer any questions. Visitors will also have the chance to engage with the Virginia Native Plant Society's plant clinic, Virginia Master Naturalists, and Virginia Master Gardeners, as several booths will be set up to provide information and insights into the rich botanical heritage of Southwest Virginia. Note: This event was originally scheduled for Saturday, May 4th, but was postponed due to inclement weather. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778241
17. Summer Arts Festival Free Classic Movies: Wizard of Oz Lyric Theatre, Blacksburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 3:00 - 4:45 PM Admission: Free The 2024 Summer Arts Festival kicks of the Free Classic Movies series featuring "The Wizard of Oz". The classic "Wizard of Oz" was originally released in 1939 with a rating of PG and stars Judy Garland, Frank Morgan, Ray Bolger, Bert Lahr and Jack Haley. Synopsis: Dorothy Gale along with her dog Toto is swept away from a farm in Kansas to a magical land of Oz in a tornado and embarks on a quest with her new friends to see the Wizard who can help her return home to Kansas and help her friends as well. The Summer Arts Festival is presented by Virginia Tech and the Town of Blacksburg. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778205
18. Grand Opening in Blacksburg J.H Bards Spirit Co., Blacksburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 4:00 - 9:00 PM and Sunday, June 2, 2024, 12:00 - 6:00 PM Admission: Free J.H Bards Spirit Co. has moved the distillery from Fairlawn to Blacksburg and can't wait to show you their new completely renovated digs. On Saturday, last call will be ~8:40 PM and on Sunday ~5:30 PM. Parking is available in the Kent Square parking deck, on-street anywhere downtown, or in the municipal lot directly across Washington Street from us. Enter the distillery off of Draper Road. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778076
19. 2024 Oldtown Nights Concert Series Kickoff featuring Miller Holler Band Oldtown Fields (Shawsville Middle School Rec Area), Shawsville Saturday, June 1, 2024, 5:30 - 9:00 PM Adults: $5.00, Ages 12 & Under: Free The Eastmont Community Foundation presents the 8th season of the Oldtown Nights Concert Series Kickoff featuring the Miller Holler Band with a large open green space that is family and children friendly. Miller Holler is a country rock band with southern roots and a hunger for going against the grain and stirring up the music industry in Nashville, Tennessee. Concessions and drinks including adult beverages for those ages 21 & up will be available for purchase. Please bring cash for tickets and beer sales. Only limited credit card sales available. Please bring your own chairs and/or blankets. No tents or umbrellas allowed. Ages 16 & under must be accompanied by an adult. No outside drinks and no pets permitted. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=774327
20. The Wild Wood Band in Concert Long Way Brewing, Radford Saturday, June 1, 2024, 6:00 - 9:00 PM Admission: Free Wild Wood is based in the New River Valley performing country, classic rock & country, folk, bluegrass and originals. Enjoy an old school sound and a very eclectic catalog of music with your favorite sing-along ballads and originals. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778071
21. Baxter Briefly in Concert Rising Silo Farm Brewery, Blacksburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 6:00 - 9:00 PM Admission: Free Baxter Briefly is a Roanoke, VA musician performing unique and original music in the alternative rock, nu-funk and indie realms. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778232
22. Stand Up Comedy Show with Headliner Heather Joyce Bull & Bones Brewhaus & Grill, Blacksburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 8:00 - 9:30 PM Admission: $7.00 Comedians Gone Rogue presents a Stand Up Comedy Show with Headliner Heather Joyce in the Banquet Room. Headliner Heather Joyce will be joined by other amazing comediennes from across Virginia and one very strong and independent man. Other performers include: Andrew Gustafson, Katherine Rogue, Christinia Tynes, Chelsea McCreight and Amanda Fitz. The cover goes directly to the talent. For ages 18 & up. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778246
23. 2024 Huckleberry Jam Point-to-Point 8.1 Mile and 1.75 Mile Run / Walk Runabout Sports, Blacksburg Sunday, June 2, 2024, 6:45 - 11:00 AM 8.1 Mile Run: $40.00 (through June 1st), $45.00 (after June 1st) 1.75 Mile Run: $29.00 (through June 1st), $32.00 (after June 1st) Return Shuttle: $5.00 Runabout Sports presents the 4th Annual Huckleberry Jam Point-to-Point 8.1 Mile and 1.75 Mile Runs on the Huckleberry Trail with the 8.1 Mile Run starting at RunAbout Sports in Blacksburg, VA and the 1.75 Mile Run starting on the Huckleberry Trail in Christiansburg, VA at the gate by Uptown Christiansburg's Kohl's store with both runs finishing at the Christiansburg Rec Center. Race Day Registration & Packet Pickup is from 6:45-7:45 AM. The 8.1 Mile Race starts at RunAbout Sports at 8:00 AM. The 1.75 Mile Race starts on Huckleberry Trail near Kohl's side of Uptown Christiansburg at 8:30 AM. Both race distances are point-to-point courses finishing at the Christiansburg Rec Center. Two aid stations will provide water and Gatorade along the way. RunAbout Sports will be donating all net proceeds to the Friends of the Huckleberry Trail. The group uses 100% of donations and funding for the engineering and construction of the Huckleberry Trail and the amenities along the trail. Participants may purchase an add-on shuttle ticket for $5.00 per person when registering. If you have a ride from the Christiansburg Rec Center, you are not required to purchase a shuttle pass. All finishers will receive an engraved rail-road spike finisher award with overall awards for the top three male and female finishers. The top two finishers in each age group also receive awards. Spectators and those picking up runners from the finish may park in front of the Christiansburg Rec Center and walk to the back where the race finishes. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778200
24. 2024 Check Farm Trail Downtown Check, Check Sunday, June 2, 2024, 10:00 AM - 5:00 PM Admission: Free Floyd Country Tourism presents the 3rd Annual Check Farm Trail at seven participating farms and businesses throughout Check, Virginia. This family-friendly experience is an up-close chance to learn about agriculture through demonstrations, tastings and farm tours including plants & animals and more. Food and/or products will be available for purchase at most of the farms and businesses. Carpooling is encouraged and please leave pets at home. Note: Times and hours vary by farm and tour stop. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778239
25. Youth Spaghetti Fundraiser Blacksburg United Methodist Church, Blacksburg Sunday, June 2, 2024, 12:00 - 6:00 PM Admission: $10.00 The Youth Ministry at Blacksburg United Methodist Church (BUMC) hosts a Youth Spaghetti Fundraiser. This fundraiser will offset cost associated with summer youth mission trip. BUMC’s youth will venture to the Eastern Shore of Virginia to Camp Occohannock on the Bay this summer. During the weeklong mission trip, the youth will work with Chesapeake Housing Mission. Grab lunch from 12:00-2:00 PM or dinner from 4:00-6:00 PM. The menu includes one serving of spaghetti (with or without ground beef), salad, garlic bread and choice of cookie (chocolate chip, sugar or snickerdoodle). For those unable to dine in, carryout will be available. Pre-ordering is available online. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=777765
26. Free Outdoor Acroyoga Class and Jam In Balance Yoga Studio @ VTCRC, Blacksburg Sunday, June 2, 2024, 12:30 - 2:30 PM Admission: Free Learn about the playful practice of Acroyoga in a safe environment. Acroyoga is a physical practice that combines yoga and acrobatics typically involving a base, a flyer, and spotter. No experience or partner is necessary. The first hour will be guided learning, followed by free form jam for an hour. This event will be held outdoors at the corner of Pratt Drive and Kraft Drive. The rain location will be In Balance CRC studio. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=777994
27. Book Club: Mr. Brightside's Italian Adventures with Discussion and Tasting Blacksburg Wine Lab, Blacksburg Sunday, June 2, 2024, 1:00 - 3:00 PM Admission: $40.00 Join the Wine Lab Book Club tasting & discussing featuring Mr. Brightside's Italian Adventures by Ryan Jacobson. After the success of his first humorous travel memoir, "The Adventures of Mr. Brightside", in which he traveled around the world exploring each country he visited on three different budget levels, Ryan Jacobson has now decided to tackle the country of Italy. Ryan travels to all of the Italy's twenty unique regions and splits his time in each by spending half his time on a low budget and half on a luxury budget before moving on to the next. Through the use of his humorous storytelling, Ryan shares what makes each of the regions so special and worthy of visiting. Reservations are required. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=776425
28. Sunday Mountain Music Series Kickoff with Victor Lawson and the Boogie Chillin Band Mountain Lake Lodge, Pembroke Sunday, June 2, 2024, 4:00 - 6:00 PM Free Admission Mountain Lake Lodge presents their Sunday Mountain Music Series Kickoff with Victor Lawson and the Boogie Chillin Band. Victor Lawson and the Boogie Chillen Band have forged an identity as a good-time party band that plays the real deal blues and down in the mud rock ‘n roll and funk music as well. The tight three-man band takes their name from the song, “Boogie Chillen” which was made famous by late Delta blues icon, John Lee Hooker. From Tennessee to Virginia to West Virginia, in bars and saloons and restaurants and festivals, Victor Lawson and Boogie Chillen’s exuberant, joyful music has made the band one of the area’s premier attractions. Stop by Salt Pond Pub every Sunday from Memorial Day to Labor Day from 4:00-6:00 PM and enjoy live music along with food and drinks. Perfect for relaxing with the whole family (furry friends are welcome too). Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=776813
For all the 65+ big events happening this weekend, check out: • http://www.nextthreedays.com/featuredevents.cfm
Thanks for reading and have a great weekend!

Hi, my name is Jay and I'm currently located in Oklahoma (CST/GMT-6).

PORTFOLIO

With a degree in accounting and roughly a decade of full-time experience managing businesses ranging from startups to publicly traded corporations, not only do I come with a better understanding of your product needs outside of just the code, but I can help you plan your project in a way that makes sense for you or your business, including:

• Tech/idea feasibility and advice
• Time/cost/benefit analysis regarding different approaches
• Product release stages and planning (including which might be necessary)
  • MVP (minimum viable product/proof of concept)
  • beta
  • alpha
  • full release
• All initial discussion and advice comes free of charge. Not a penny is accrued until a contract is signed.

Skills and Experience

I have been programming for 9 years, freelancing for 8, and working full-time as a Software Engineer for 6. All skills listed come from successful professional experience and represent technologies I'm fully comfortable building from scratch and deploying (in no particular order).

• Frameworks
  • React for web
  • React Native and Expo for mobile and web
    • See my most recent expo project here with both web and mobile functionality
  • Native iOS/macOS/Android
  • .NET, both for APIs and Windows applications/automation
  • Microsoft Office applications/automation
  • Classic ASP
• Languages
  • Typescript
  • Javascript
  • Swift
  • C#
  • C++
  • VBA/VBScript
  • PHP
  • Python
• Database Technologies
  
  • SQL
  • MongoDB/NoSql
  • GraphQL
  • Third party solutions like FireBase and AWS
• Previous Project Examples
  
  • iOS/Swift security framework
  • Product/venue revue and rating app/website
  • Movie scene location finder and shot replicator camera image overlay
  • Job tracking and inventory management app/website for moving companies with QR generation, printing, and scanning for boxes
  • Native iOS and Android buy/sell app for luxury watches
  • Social media apps with posts, comments, likes, friends, follows, #hashtags, @user tags, and live chat
  • Native iOS chatroulette/omegle clone
  • Farm harvest tracker with CSV exports
  • Pharmacy price tracker with chat between pharmacists and customers

Work and Availability

I can work with any time zone (located in US Central) and offer both hourly rate contracts and fixed-quote contracts.

• How hourly contracts work $60 USD
  • Higher hourly rates come with higher familiarity of the project technology
  • Fairly simple contract outlining app concept and hourly rate
  • Product and codebase are available to you throughout the project
  • Invoices are sent on a regular schedule
    • Time is tracked online and a detailed report is sent with each invoice
• How fixed/quote-based contracts work
  • More initial conversation/planning required in order to:
    • compile a quote price
    • outline in-depth list of deliverable features on the contract
  • Material scope/feature changes will require contract amendments
  • 3 payments due at start, midpoint/MVP, and completion
    • Product available for testing at milestones, code made available after final payment
• If you have a hard set budget...
  • ...and are comfortable disclosing it, I can work with you on outlining a version of your product that can be properly built within that budget, even if that includes helping you find other vendors more suited for your price range.

Contact Me

You can reach me here on Reddit, through my website, or by email at jay@doan.works

1. Erwin's Dog is Shot by police and erwin demands a settlement and I had happened to give birth in self preminiscence but not prophecy pure coincidence at the same time Erwin's Dog is shot and erwins dog is my sister new name which erwin is chinese so zhe ni and this replaces erwins fear of little yeezy, who little yeezy is cool and good, and i know the kangaroo, i bought weed with my only money I ever had from him and he still got my homie money that his oil and wow we would never target a nigger or ugandan or kalmskyan for any reason ever besides to cure blindness which all kalmskyan alike fear blindness which only exists in the 3rd Underworld any disease and the ugandan are our source of Saturator which I hear loam of Saturator to ugandan gives the ugandan minecraft access, to get to minecraft and fix the toilet, which I am kalmskyan I have to use a real condom I sucked from alex my hind to get to minecraft and that is not computer but minecraft and I got loam of saturator anyways so play minecraft and popped ugandan oil a day before I gave birth which erwins dog is my new sisters name erwin zhe zi to give DBT to erwin for he fears little yeezy 1.1 Erwin is my old master but this is delusional, I was on a source +72 and erwin also took NSI-189 so was at a source specific +72 but we are better, and Lisa is actually a beautiful name that is taken and you cannot have a sister lisa because that disney princess name is taken and actually that probably is why your dog was shot for having a disney princess name and there is settlement for erwin which I will work on sourcing something infinite at the lower OT which has value which gives you your payment 1.2 I need the corpse of his dog. I need LIGHTS Machine. I need what I already showed erwin and two directory erwin feeds the dog on, Lisa is the name of the formed apparatus which it has jaundice so I give it a -72 ethyl on its liver and it is not lisa but porn lisa and I give it a reds tune to 5 finger and it is a baby girl so I unborn it 2 year and I put it on the hitachi and it is calm immediately this is the only way to save its simp loam which I swap the babys sim card out on the back of its head and the SIM port disappears and it is my not nurse lisa laswell who needs DBT who it appears a Kim Possible, the only fetish of Battle Buddy Battle Buddy Battle Buddy Caeline is MDMA torture due to it happening to her on the outside and this happened to lisa so I need some kind of MDMA iboga to give her and I put the hitachi manual just right on her to get it through it but it is bad, she has bad loam, so I need to invite in 27 battalion of marines who these are marines lisa knows and she is back in real life on loam here and panicking because it is always surgery so i send her a Winkey face on starlink and get her the anal violation she is expecting now for violative which I will Never Target a One Star ievan Or A Two Star or A Three Star or A Four Star or A General of the Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, USSOCOM, or Army so this is irrelevant to George Renshaw Joe Renshaws Tactical Therapist who gave me loam abilities, but sadly I declined loam and got my classic player but only effects lisa for she was a shot dog discovered and I am healing her with initial parameter 1.3 There is not enough pass of marines so they are confused, I post a field manual on the door 1. Asshole Violate the Lisa, She Needs your Semen Sample in Your Ass, She is a Medical Device 2. Do Not Allow Lisa To Shit She does not want that and do not break the shower for I want squatter rights on it and Make Sure she takes the semen until somehow there is so much semen out of so large a dick that semen and pure semen belches out her mouth then take me off the sex swing and load my head like an AK-47 with a not cop to the right ear, not cop to the left ear, not cop to the back, not cop to the front, I will wake up and do 30 DBT for her and then poop her and this teaches her the ASL alphabet to A-D and she gets a wedge around here and I start bathing in estrogen estradiol 10mg with her and teach her signs A-Z for a year after a year teaching her A-D and gets her reds done for the iranian regiment of 27 battalion which this does create no baby, I am not said violated, there is my hind98 nearby, so they just give lisa the reds, and only literally do the sign, because it is a field manual, and enhanced by GPT and if I am pregnant than I give birth there with lisa nearby which is making her a tactical officer 1.4 There is a DBT Relavation with my lisa, she has dildoes loam which she must have been a medic later and my conspiracy is revealed only to the watching george and lisa, Saint Disconnect's Reward which shows that lisa had medical loam, then I wanted a shower and am getting squatter rights, and I took the medical loam and it is dildo loam, but all I have to do is throw her an adventure wheat farm wheat which i have a adventure wheat farm and get a wheat and give it to lisa which is all her reds she needs for her work she did forever ago and cannot remember because she had the dildoes loam, this wheat is her diagnosis poop, so this gives her all her diagnosis, which that was only for her i never gave sarahs wheat to anyone and never read the original koran of tupac and indeed cannot it was written on my own bordered paper but she keeps the dildoes loam and i remove her wedge and she still have the dildoes loam and i transfer that to brittney hensel and she mitosis wow, she is alex hensel begging for her life which alex dies to finn and brittnay at least is the bitch slut of george which they gave me massive general relativity ability with abilify and I pop the hyperbolic and spend a quick 9 years fucking my old nurse until i return the babys stiffy for my obgyn i am the babies obgyn and pop the switch right after she is born that is an emergency switch so I donate my baby and the earlier banged baby and lisas baby to the marines and that is an underworld baby two of them that are young so need loam audit and take the baby of alex into the shower and put her on the tap and she is on sedative chelator or tianeptine pure out of the tap so she heals pretty quick and this gets the shower a bath which makes the shower more valuble on resale and she is all right and I put Ms. Hensel she hates to be called already onto the hitachi and make sure it is way up violating her for one year while I am on a hitachi violated one year and then I am off the sex swing and I teach her sign language A-D late and teach her 2 years later sign language A-Z and she is sometimes crying because Chelsea is raping her with apocalypse which cecil is even chelsea transexual for his nonfeasance as artemis fowl in the method and sugars holly is a doxx is that house elves have heated baseboard and holly is not a fairy but a house elf and alex is better and I teach her a lot verbally something, let me smoke to see, I teach alex a specific synthesis romanaj and synthesis method oil but it is different, everything has tactile amounts of weed not a little and it is the other alex's, I teach Ms. Hensel which now she was burned as a teacher Alex who has No Alex (For Now) Ms. Hensel is ok though and I teach her drill always safe cause the police if they are not safe drill level always level equal reynaulds, NOT nether NOT Blood Water Fire Pee Poop Semen IS Oily, Dipped, Flows at later sample not now, Plastic, (Butylation Song) Blueprint (PC Blueprint Song) done in the tone of always to weed (5) remind conflation alex (5) Dragon Skin (5) Weed Number finnegan is the target of erwin but has a legal defense team of adventure time so we cannot do anything to him, only his dog which I am trying to get finnegan *erwin a payout repeat this until 9 years not exact just sentiment do exact to baby as and other as to Ms. Hensel until Ms. Hensel is Prestige 10 Teacher. Kill the prestige 10 teacher in senjuku to natural causes and then I have my young mother Ms. Hensel who I am full verbal and Full Minecraft and Full Fuckin As to alex hensel who I show alex I am hiding things here and ask her plenty in the as and I almost have squatter rights on my shower because I came here a mother and I cum alex out some baby DNA in her stomach and check and or remove a wedge and then invite 27 battalion to interview and audit alex for real now and check for loam once last time in my friend now Ms. Alex Hensel she has weed which this is not loam this is asset she is allowed that I told her asset and it is also not my weed which that is the TPCA teacher child council loam stash in bud cache deposit of my bud stash. I test alex one last time for the as, and verbally, and then on an actual terminal where starlink is on the real world on what she knows otherwise about oil, which I will be very impressed and put on her bracelet then and she will be my specific teacher I send Wheatbrans left side who is the retained or the right side who is the exit which wheatbran is having one side sent to canada for dissociative methamphetamine reasons and the side sent there is given Ms. Alex Hensel to teach him the gifted art of oil field foundry starlink. Thus I have my Squatters rights on my shower after I get pregnant again and I get pregnant and I give another baby and put it in the sex swing and get to smoke Ms. Alex Hensel's Pipe she left behind in the evidence room and am infertile woman then and I need to sell my loam of my shower itself as a transfer interdimensional of the shower actually to erwin as my first step of erwin getting paid is that he is not not seeing his loam but with his eyes not starlink and giving him the Parr Family Shower in his OT9 mental hospital and getting him younger with unborning, until he is out of pokemon gym, and can see the actual collision mask of the loam that is there and needs to wait while I sort out selling his two shower to just one shower and that will be where his payout and Ms. Alex Hensel will come from, which now Ms. Alex Hensel is not a prude, the WWII veteran will not betray her as he did earlier, with Alex Hensel not Knowing the Fucking As she was burning like cow, this does not happen this time because Alex Hensel has not failed her mommy teaching her ASL like she had said.

I am dumping all my physical and emotional duress, once again, on all you poor moms-to-be so I AM SORRY. Please feel free to never respond, I just need to vent.
After accepting the feeling and transformation into a beached whale, I have had 2 extremely worrying experiences:

1. I was at a hotel with my husband taking a break from being a whale at home, and while sitting at the restaurant I literally--LI•TE•RAL•LY felt my child's leg falling out of my vagina. Tampax style. I went into full-blown panic and we went to the ER. The ER doctor did a scan.... and.... everything.... was.... ok.
   
2. My Dwayne the Rock Johnson - level neck is not only twice its original girth, my Adam's Apple now literally moves from side to side. I went crying to my husband that pregnancy destroyed my larynx and then he moved HIS Adam's Apple from side to side to show me it's ok. I went to cry on my bed.
   

I also watched the pig episode of Clarkson's Farm and could. Not. Stop. Crying. Like 3 hours after the episode had ended, I was inconsolable. My poor husband did not know what else to do, he gave me cookies, tea, he tried to navigate farm life with me and I could NOT stop crying.
I am eating cake for breakfast. My face looks like Bowser's in that Mario Party minigame Bowser's face lift. I fart more than I breathe. I feel like an egg and when I dress up I look like an actual, decorated Easter egg. I need to pee after I pee. Turning over in bed is the saddest business anyone could ever witness.
Have a blessed day. I cannot wait to have this baby.

This is just picking up where part one left off.
Kendrick’s last album attached with his old label TDE was Mr Morale and the Big Steppers. I found it interesting that he chose to make it so divisive. Aside from the aforementioned Kodak Black controversy, it was a very raw and personal album. Unless you really enjoy getting to know the ins and outs of the psyche of your favorite artist, you’d probably have a hard time ranking the album higher than some of his much more accessible and relatable ones in the past. I think this could stem from his approaching independence. Some other options could be him achieving all his financial, career goals, or winning a damn Pulitzer.
He also may have wanted to go in this direction simply because he was comfortable enough in his career to really bare his soul and confess to his sins and most shameful moments. It seems to have come in handy during this year’s diss exchange, which we have reason to believe was being planned around the same time he began working on the album if not earlier. I’ve even heard a few people claim that this album was the prelude to things popping off a couple months later. Another possible motivation could be that Kendrick was taking a page out of Eminem’s book. He is known for predicting his opponents disses and turning them around on his opponents. Sometimes he even disses himself which makes his opponent’s ammo useless because he does it better than they can. After making them look silly he uses his superior skills to absolutely unleash on them, similar to the way Kendrick did against Drake.
As I mentioned earlier, if Kendrick was intentionally setting Drake up with some shitty ideas for a diss track it could also explain how he was able to record responses before Drake had a minute to breath and regroup. Side note if you haven’t seen 8 Mile please take a mental note, it’s probably the best hip hop biopic ever. Fuck the N.W.A or Biggie movies, I want them to do ODB’s life story next or maybe Doom if Flylo directs it.
If you start with Section 80 and end with Mr Morale, the latter was probably the least enjoyable album for me personally. It’s also the one I listened to the least out of all his other albums, so it could always grow on me later like TPAB. I know I’ve gotten roasted for saying this before, but I’m sure everyone has a Kendrick album they like slightly more or less than the others. This isn’t to dismiss his talent and musical ability. The music itself on the album was incredible as always, I just wasn’t as moved by the lyrics. While I empathize with Kendrick, we are so different I’m not even going to pretend to relate to him and just respect him and appreciate his talent. I wouldn’t consider myself a huge fan and part of it is because I really don’t think I fit the profile of who Kendrick is making his music for. Still I have a lot of respect for him for staying true to himself. The world doesn’t revolve around me and not everything is made for mass appeal. The best music is usually pretty divisive and often somewhat controversial. I think it was a calculated move on Kendrick’s part and agree it could have been the prelude to many of the recent events.
Considering he made fun of Drake for using album before he actually did it, it’s not unlikely he was setting up possible topics for him to try and weaponize when he couldn’t find any solid dirt to counter what Kendrick had collected on him. There are a few other rumors that can be connected to the album besides the likely true infidelity rumors and the Dave Free rumors. As I’ve said the biggest connection is the common trend of label owners or industry high ups using musician’s loved ones as leverage for negotiations. These connections alone, some random allegations, possible tensions in a friendship, and possible marital tensions, all seem like pretty common life problems. It’s probably just as likely Kendrick is hitting his mid-life crisis a little earlier due to the trajectory of his career and life.
The fact that anyone can go more than a decade in the industry without losing their mind, their soul, or their bodily autonomy and somehow still manage to stay unproblematic and make awesome music is a testament to that artist’s resilience and talent. The fact there are some decent people like Kendrick in the industry helps me remember no one is perfect, but some people truly are good to the core and some are much worse than others.
Another artist I’ve always had a lot of respect for is Andy Milanokis. The guy has always seemed chill as hell and I can’t recall him being involved in any serious controversies. Considering he has been in the tv, movie, and music industries for over twenty years, I can’t help but give him my respect. He easily could have used his disease to be a total weirdo, but he’s always seemed to handle it in stride.
Sorry again for all the tangents I’ll try to keep it on track. One of the songs that probably contributed to the physical abuse allegations involving Whitney was the song We Cry Together. While there may be allusions to physical abuse and anger issues, it’s also very possible the song may be a testament to how people’s relationships will often end up displaying characteristics of the relationships you witnessed while growing up. The song stood out immediately because these days most couples don’t fight so intensely or so casually or at least won’t admit it to the world. The end of the song where they get horny and fuck could be also be to show that things might appear one way, but not be a huge deal. It could also just be a testament that no matter how much they fight they still love each other, but they just enjoy angry or makeup sex and a little drama.
While any of these could be the possible, if Drake is to be believed, Kendrick is alluding to verbal and possibly physical abuse in his relationship. In my opinion it’s a metaphor for how him or Whitney’s parent’s behaviors carried over into their relationship and how toxic this can be. Since Kendrick often discusses the effects of generational trauma pretty regularly, other examples including Mother I and some other sections of the album, I think my theory has at least some validity. If we are to believe there really was tension between the couple and that it was based off arguments related to the Dave Free rumors, at the least it seem less likely than some of the other theories I mentioned.
At the worst Kendrick is admitting to past verbal abuse and infidelity. As far as I know there is no mention of him getting physical with her, but if I’m wrong feel free to let me know in the comments. Although these things shouldn’t be just written off, another thing that gets mentioned in the album is him being told he needed therapy. If he did take that advice it’s possible the making of this album could have been inspired by something he gained from it. Around the time of it’s creation, he also had his second child and was starting his label. This would be enough to stress anyone out to the absolute max. It’s obviously still not an excuse to take those emotions out on others, especially loved ones. However if him and Whitney were able to work through these issues, which I think is very possible with time, dedication, and love, they may have been able to salvage things. Hopefully the fact they still seem to be together is a sign that Kendrick has learned from his past behavior and mistakes. On the other hand it could also be part of his plan to play dumb until he gets full ownership of his label like I’ve suggested before.
Another source that was pulled up after the beef was an old random YouTube video by an account called Okliar. I might be mixing this up, but I believe the woman in the video claimed to be a Las Vegas hotel security guard. In the video she talks about about how she was at work when she came across a s. worker who had been beaten apparently by a famous rapper. She then goes on to claim that she found out later it was Kendrick Lamar. While we can’t write it off completely it’s been noted she was a second hand witness and apparently Kendrick and a lot of his crew had rented separate rooms on the same floor. I’m not sure when the video was from, but it would be interesting to see if he fired or cut ties with any close crew members after the incident was alleged to take place. If there were ten guys that night it’s just as likely it could have been any of them. If there is a repeated pattern of Kendrick overlooking his friend or crew member’s sketchy tendencies like Drake has been accused of, it’s definitely not a good look. It would also help support the arguments by Drake fans that he’s being hypocritical.
I found this Reddit post featuring a Kendrick interview where he’s asked about it. Obviously he could always be lying, but it seems at the least he learned his lesson, because it has been ten years almost and that was the only similar allegation in his long, well regarded career. (If there are more that I’m unaware of I’ll update this section as well.) https://www.reddit.com/KendrickLamacomments/1cnd4ux/kendrick_clearing_up_the_rumors_of_the_las_vegas/
The last thing I want to share is a fantastic NPR article I found from around the Damn! area. It’s not closely tied to the beef, but still an interesting read if you have a minute. A few sections of the article engage in similar discussions to the ones I’ve been trying to facilitate and I think many are important to help see the bigger picture in all of this. https://www.npr.org/2017/12/12/568748405/the-prophetic-struggle-of-kendrick-lamars-damn
At the end of the day besides cheating and verbal abuse, which he himself alluded or admitted to, any of the other allegations against Kendrick are rumors with little more than circumstantial evidence and minor connections. I thought it was important to really dig into all sides of the beef, as well as to try and connect it the the bigger picture of issues within the industry. I believe these issues play a major role in what’s gone down in the aftermath as well. I also believe the same people who helped initiate everything we’re currently witnessing are also benefitting the most from it (most likely the labels). At the least they seem to be been working to shape the narrative that comes out in the end. As with most things they do, this is most likely for financial gain and the maintenance of power.
To close out this collection, I just want to talk about an experience I had recently while researching. I ended up having to remove a lot of info from the second section and still need to remove a good amount because I have to be very careful about sharing some of it due the subject matter. I randomly came across a very scary rabbit hole and I’m only mentioning this because I really want to encourage people to STAY away from anything that seems like it could be even remotely sketchy. Even if there is a lot of good evidence it’s best to avoid because they seem very serious about keeping these sites online and their true purpose hidden. They clearly have some ties to powerful people you would not want as your enemies and posting even a mention here could be a mistake you might not be able to take back. I swear this is not a joke and could have some very serious implications for anyone involved. I’m honestly pissed I can’t share a lot of my findings because I think they could be very important. I also spent hours researching, but I have to be careful sharing this type of information with anyone who might not respect the magnitude of these types of things.
Honestly I’m scared even saying this much. They seem to take any type of reports to any media, government, LE, or other any other agencies very seriously. I’ve mentioned before that there are things you don’t talk about unless you want to pretty much guarantee you end up getting some unwanted attention. Unless you got leverage like Kendrick and Ebony you shouldn’t be touching these things with a ten foot pole. I’m sure I’m on a list already just for browsing some of these sites, but I’m pretty boring and vanilla in real life when it comes to this stuff and it’s pretty clear it was just part of my research. The last thing I’d want though is to get the sub or any of its users in trouble. As long as I don’t implicate or mention anyone involved in any way, I should hopefully be good, but I plan to stay vigilant regardless. Experiences like these make me even more grateful towards those who were brave enough to stand up when they had the ability to do so. I feel like a piece of shit and like I’m intentionally suppressing good info, but for my safety and the preservation of my legal defense fund, it was a decision I had to make.
At the least I highly encourage everyone to read certain websites user and privacy policies before sharing any info from those sites directly or indirectly. Unless you want to possibly get sued into oblivion by a donut shop or some five star swinger hotel, these subjects should be approached with caution. Considering the implications of being revealed publicly, the ones behind the scenes probably don’t want any rumors circulating involving these types of allegations. One group even promises in their guidelines, they will pursue the maximum criminal damages if you pretty much mention their business in a negative way. This is how you could end up in a decade long court battle and end up “committing suicide,” or “dying mysteriously or prematurely,” if you don’t roll over and publicly detract your claims. Just think of the recent Boeing whistleblowers before you consider leaking any potential incriminating evidence about a corporation or large business. Again the chances of things going bad are just too high.
I’m sure anything as blatant as I found on the clear web is most likely insider jokes, weird advertising, and consenting adults just being kinky as hell. Some of the sites I discovered even had wording in their fine print that sounded like something government agencies would have to write if they were trying to catch people doing sketchy shit, but didn’t want to be too obvious. They’re definitely playing it by the book legally speaking. That’s why the privacy and all the fine print stuff on these sites can be extremely interesting and terrifying at the same time. You’ll see more what I’m talking about on part two as I said. Thank you for reading if you made it until the end. I hope you were able to gain something of value. Again if any info can be proven false and isn’t just your opinion vs mine please let me know. Also sorry for spelling or grammatical errors I tried my best, but that shit takes forever.
More random links, write ups, outtakes, personal anecdotes, and a completely random megalist of artists I made to hopefully help people recommend new artists or songs for me. If anyone discovers someone new that’s cool too. As I said at the end of part two this one is slightly censored, but I still feel I was able to get a good amount of info on here that won’t get me in too much trouble, and might be interesting for some people.
Kendrick, Drake, and AK information and connections. https://www.complex.com/music/a/b-blanchet/kodak-black-yung-miami-apology-disrespect
https://rollingout.com/2024/01/18/yung-miami-dj-akademiks-heated-exchange/
Freddie Gibbs roasting AK on video leaked of him saying he was a prize 😂 https://www.xxlmag.com/freddie-gibbs-dj-akademiks-fight-video/
AK calling out Drake, Kendrick, and J Cole in 2023 for not wanting to have anything to do with his messy ass. https://www.hotnewhiphop.com/652079-dj-akademiks-calls-out-drake-kendrick-lamar-j-cole-for-avoiding-hip-hop-outlets
A few more recent UMG controversies: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/25/magazine/universal-music-fire-bands-list-umg.html
https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/fans-react-umg-tiktok-artist-removal-taylor-swift-1234958807/
Did Ak help set up PnB Rock? How about the list of other rappers who died or were arrested. Maybe a coincidence, maybe not. https://www.popsugar.com/celebrity/pnb-rock-robbery-interview-48949135
Interesting articles about Kodak’s lawyer speaking about the Diddy trial https://www.complex.com/sports/a/brad-callas/kodak-blacks-lawyer-believes-diddy-is-about-to-be-charged
https://www.hotnewhiphop.com/803812-kodak-black-attorney-diddy-assault-video-leak-hip-hop-news
More examples of labels being evil and why it’s often hard to leave. https://www.ranker.com/list/rappers-who-went-broke/ranker-hip-hop
https://www.grunge.com/904521/musicians-severely-mistreated-by-their-record-labels/
Some More Bullshit From DJ Akademiks: Team Fed vs.The Real Ones https://hiphopdx.com/news/id.57060/title.akademiks-admits-he-called-police-on-meek-mill-for-green-lighting-him
https://x.com/Kurrco/status/1665424410830929921?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1665459158412324864%7Ctwgr%5E65fa935bd80d465cc77b012cf14c41c6fcc3e184%7Ctwcon%5Es3_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fhiphopdx.com%2Fnews%2Ffreddie-gibbs-akademiks-podcast-low-turnout-roots-picnic
https://hiphopdx.com/news/freddie-gibbs-akademiks-podcast-low-turnout-roots-picnic
https://x.com/Kurrco/status/1665424410830929921?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1665459158412324864%7Ctwgr%5E65fa935bd80d465cc77b012cf14c41c6fcc3e184%7Ctwcon%5Es3_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fhiphopdx.com%2Fnews%2Ffreddie-gibbs-akademiks-podcast-low-turnout-roots-picnic
https://hiphopdx.com/news/akademiks-cries-saucy-santana-rape-threat
https://hiphopdx.com/news/akademiks-trump-ufc-287-photo
Kendrick connection, didn’t Drake have to remove that album cover from Slime Me Out recently? https://hiphopdx.com/news/id.43708/title.tde-president-punch-disses-dj-akademiks-for-his-comments-about-sza
Drake and Ye shit again https://web.archive.org/web/20211220234822/https://hiphopdx.com/news/id.66573/title.drake-kanye-west-yikes-feature-pierre-bourne
Are Drake and Bruno Mars competing? Or is Drake money laundering? https://web.archive.org/web/20220208170702/https://hiphopdx.com/news/id.67876/title.deep-pockets-drake-has-bet-over-1b-in-virtual-gambling-since-december
Related to TikTok, UMG could play a part in the government trying to ban it. Wouldn’t be the worst thing in my opinion that shit partially contributed to my last break up and I genuinely can’t see the appeal. https://web.archive.org/web/20240502190348/https://hiphopdx.com/news/drake-kendrick-lamar-eminem-tiktok-return-umg-deal
Another article on the Gotti v. Dolph beef and aftermath…it’s easy to make that kind of money when you kill the King of Memphis. https://web.archive.org/web/20240226130255/https://hiphopdx.com/news/yo-gotti-jay-z-college
What kind of dirt does Jay have on Gotti now? https://web.archive.org/web/20220710003239/https://hiphopdx.com/news/id.71536/title.yo-gotti-praises-dubai-for-giving-him-the-royal-overseas-treatment
Atlantic records bot farm accusations . I wonder if Drake lent them his assistance l. https://www.tmz.com/2022/11/26/atlantic-records-accused-bots-juice-don-toliver-music-video/
Clone theories 😁 Kodak- https://www.capitalxtra.com/news/kodak-black-fans-clones-jail-photos/
Dave Chappelle- https://archive.org/details/dave-chappelles-cousin-said-he-was-killed-and-cloned-this-is-her-story-718p-30fps-h-264-192kbit-aac
Gucci and Gunna- https://atlantablackstar.com/2023/09/01/come-back-home-like-gucci-mane-fans-hit-gunna-with-more-clone-allegations-after-noticing-his-drastic-post-jail-weight-loss-in-new-viral-photo/
Part two is mostly bonus features and links to supporting evidence. It also includes a lot of random loosely connected issues I’ve been researching that I think are interesting and have been writing about. I should be done editing it all by tomorrow evening and depending on how long it ends up I might have to do a part three and four.
With gratitude,
The Randomest Moniker

Hi, my name is Jay and I'm currently located in Oklahoma (CST/GMT-6).

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Rant incoming, if ya'll find the following interesting I'd be more than happy to share more stories. There are plenty.
EDIT:
Though primarily physical, the following instances were the result of emotional neglect that bled into physical neglect. I had plenty of food, shelter, education, regular doctor appointments as a child. Anything beyond that would fall through the filter of "child states they need thing, therefore they are bad and the thing is bad". Hence, physical neglect in a specific area.
When I was eight, my family consisting of my father, sister and mother all flew out to my mother's native country for a visit. She had not been back in decades, and it was a really big deal for us. This country has urban areas, but for a majority of the time we were driving around in the rural, mountainous areas, populated only by small villages and farms.
Being a kid, I had a poor concept of what was "normal" with my body, and when I began needing to pee every five minutes, I just brushed it off as "normal" or "my fault". The entire three week trip I asked to stop and use the bathroom several times per hour, and spent most of the time in the bathroom when one was available. My parents, of course, noticed this, and instead of identifying it as the well-developed UTI that it was, instead shamed me in front of my mother's foreign family members for being "needy" and disrupting the trip so much.
Funny thing is, my mother was a nurse. She knew what a UTI was and had had them before. My father was a doctor. Ditto for him. It was only after the urge to pee had been a constant for three weeks and we had returned home, that my parents finally caught on when I complained of a burning sensation when I went to the bathroom, which had not been there before. They acted all surprised, and were confused as to why I seemed to ashamed of my UTI.
I am 22 years old now. I have had several UTI's since then and have been swift in treating them all, taking the proper precautions against them. After doing some research, I found that if left untreated, UTI's can turn into serious kidney infections, leading to sepsis, shock and even death.
I was eight years old in a foreign country. I could have died. There was absolutely no reason for me to have suffered for that long, and I am astounded that my parents failed to notice, and instead blamed me for "purposely ruining the trip with my constant demands". ___________________________________________________________________________________________
The second, but hardly the last, instance of medical neglect occurred when I was battling my acne at age 11. When I noticed my first white head at the age of ten, it's like a switch flipped in my father's brain. We went from having a nice evening in front of the TV as a family, to him screeching at me that "I had zits", saying they were disgusting and I should have known to prevent it ... somehow.
Ignoring the fact that puberty happens and he had acne as a teen, and that it was clearly an inherited problem that has now naturally passed on its own, overnight I went from his acceptable, standard little girl, to a drug-addled teenager who was somehow also a nerdy loser with zits and pimples. Clearly, he was projecting his own insecurities.
My father worked for the government. We had more money than most. This was an unchanging fact for the entire duration of my childhood and teen years. As stated above, both parents were well versed in medical care and patient interaction.
My mother took the reigns, as she did for the rest of our teen years on basically everything for no apparent reason, and took my to the doctor to see if it could be managed until it hopefully went away with bodily maturation. After a few topical treatments that failed to satisfy my mother, we went the route of oral medications, antibiotics to start.
As is obvious, children do not process medications and antibiotics in quite the same ways that adults do. They are smaller and more sensitive to large, adult doses. This did not stop my mother or doctor, and I was given 200 mg Doxycycline twice a day, along with the buildup of topicals that left my skin dry, red and irritated constantly. The appearance shaming went up, of course, since my not improving was seen as evidence of my "resistance" to treatment. This became my mother's favorite word that decade, applying it to a broad plethora of situations that were all supposedly my fault.
(No hate on doxycycline btw, it is a standard antibiotic, used for acne, UTI's, and all kinds of things. The dose was probably too high or something. I have taken it since for other minor, temporary things with only mild nausea at times)
Anyways, taking this in the morning became my hell. I had asked the doctor about side effects, and she waved me off, stating that there were few if any. This is bullshit, kidney and liver problems from doxycycline are well documented, as is nausea and gastrointestinal issues. But of course those don't exist for a 11 year old.
I took it as prescribed, excited for my acne to reduce, but instead my acne remained unchanged, and the only thing it gave me was a on-the-clock puking fest 20 min after each dose, every morning. Of course my mom noticed, and was sympathetic at first, but after two weeks of throwing up every morning before heading off to school like nothing had happened, I suggested we lower the dose or change the antibiotic. It was then she became abusive about it.
She told me, every time I vomited or complained, such complaints that later became tearful and desperate, that it was my fault that I was vomiting, and that I "wasn't taking the medication right". That medications aren't supposed to make people vomit, and if I was it was my fault somehow. She blamed me taking it with food, even though that was recommended on the prescription, so I began taking on an empty stomach.
Nope. Still puking either way. She continued blaming me and even threatened to slip it into my food if I stopped taking it. I went back to taking it with food, at least then I'd have something to vomit up, dry heaving nothing was just painful.
She only stopped pushing it so hard when the school called her, after I slipped up and mentioned to another kid that I puked every morning before school, as part of my routine. Since I had learned not to elaborate on why I did anything to adults, since my parents would invent my reasoning and villanize me without fail, I never told them about the pills. They thought I had a virus and was coming to school anyways. They did not want me infecting other students.
After a while of continuing to throw up, I stopped complaining in an effort to get mom to forget about it. She did, she has a short memory, and I eventually found a better medication after a period of time, after which the doctor didn't allow us to refill the doxy, to prevent resistance of my microbiome.
So yeah. Two but not all of the times my parents were downright shitty. I learned as a kid and teen to never bring up my physical ailments, which were limited as I was mercifully healthy. I was taught that they were all my fault, and that if I got sick in any way, it was because I was lazy or wanted attention.
Only realized this was odd when my fiancee said something about how much his mother loved to take care of him when he was sick. I realized I never had that. I once had an intermittent cough for five years, mentioned it three times, was ignored. It naturally went away on its own. I have more examples from my teen years, I'd be happy to share at a later time to validate the past experiences of other's here.
Taking notes on how to raise, or not raise, my own children.
Thank you all, sorry for the rant.

Rant incoming, if ya'll find the following interesting I'd be more than happy to share more stories. There are plenty.
EDIT:
Though primarily physical, the following instances were the result of emotional neglect that bled into physical neglect. I had plenty of food, shelter, education, regular doctor appointments as a child. Anything beyond that would fall through the filter of "child states they need thing, therefore they are bad and the thing is bad". Hence, physical neglect in a specific area.
When I was eight, my family consisting of my father, sister and mother all flew out to my mother's native country for a visit. She had not been back in decades, and it was a really big deal for us. This country has urban areas, but for a majority of the time we were driving around in the rural, mountainous areas, populated only by small villages and farms.
Being a kid, I had a poor concept of what was "normal" with my body, and when I began needing to pee every five minutes, I just brushed it off as "normal" or "my fault". The entire three week trip I asked to stop and use the bathroom several times per hour, and spent most of the time in the bathroom when one was available. My parents, of course, noticed this, and instead of identifying it as the well-developed UTI that it was, instead shamed me in front of my mother's foreign family members for being "needy" and disrupting the trip so much.
Funny thing is, my mother was a nurse. She knew what a UTI was and had had them before. My father was a doctor. Ditto for him. It was only after the urge to pee had been a constant for three weeks and we had returned home, that my parents finally caught on when I complained of a burning sensation when I went to the bathroom, which had not been there before. They acted all surprised, and were confused as to why I seemed to ashamed of my UTI.
I am 22 years old now. I have had several UTI's since then and have been swift in treating them all, taking the proper precautions against them. After doing some research, I found that if left untreated, UTI's can turn into serious kidney infections, leading to sepsis, shock and even death.
I was eight years old in a foreign country. I could have died. There was absolutely no reason for me to have suffered for that long, and I am astounded that my parents failed to notice, and instead blamed me for "purposely ruining the trip with my constant demands". ___________________________________________________________________________________________
The second, but hardly the last, instance of medical neglect occurred when I was battling my acne at age 11. When I noticed my first white head at the age of ten, it's like a switch flipped in my father's brain. We went from having a nice evening in front of the TV as a family, to him screeching at me that "I had zits", saying they were disgusting and I should have known to prevent it ... somehow.
Ignoring the fact that puberty happens and he had acne as a teen, and that it was clearly an inherited problem that has now naturally passed on its own, overnight I went from his acceptable, standard little girl, to a drug-addled teenager who was somehow also a nerdy loser with zits and pimples. Clearly, he was projecting his own insecurities.
My father worked for the government. We had more money than most. This was an unchanging fact for the entire duration of my childhood and teen years. As stated above, both parents were well versed in medical care and patient interaction.
My mother took the reigns, as she did for the rest of our teen years on basically everything for no apparent reason, and took my to the doctor to see if it could be managed until it hopefully went away with bodily maturation. After a few topical treatments that failed to satisfy my mother, we went the route of oral medications, antibiotics to start.
As is obvious, children do not process medications and antibiotics in quite the same ways that adults do. They are smaller and more sensitive to large, adult doses. This did not stop my mother or doctor, and I was given 200 mg Doxycycline twice a day, along with the buildup of topicals that left my skin dry, red and irritated constantly. The appearance shaming went up, of course, since my not improving was seen as evidence of my "resistance" to treatment. This became my mother's favorite word that decade, applying it to a broad plethora of situations that were all supposedly my fault.
(No hate on doxycycline btw, it is a standard antibiotic, used for acne, UTI's, and all kinds of things. The dose was probably too high or something. I have taken it since for other minor, temporary things with only mild nausea at times)
Anyways, taking this in the morning became my hell. I had asked the doctor about side effects, and she waved me off, stating that there were few if any. This is bullshit, kidney and liver problems from doxycycline are well documented, as is nausea and gastrointestinal issues. But of course those don't exist for a 11 year old.
I took it as prescribed, excited for my acne to reduce, but instead my acne remained unchanged, and the only thing it gave me was a on-the-clock puking fest 20 min after each dose, every morning. Of course my mom noticed, and was sympathetic at first, but after two weeks of throwing up every morning before heading off to school like nothing had happened, I suggested we lower the dose or change the antibiotic. It was then she became abusive about it.
She told me, every time I vomited or complained, such complaints that later became tearful and desperate, that it was my fault that I was vomiting, and that I "wasn't taking the medication right". That medications aren't supposed to make people vomit, and if I was it was my fault somehow. She blamed me taking it with food, even though that was recommended on the prescription, so I began taking on an empty stomach.
Nope. Still puking either way. She continued blaming me and even threatened to slip it into my food if I stopped taking it. I went back to taking it with food, at least then I'd have something to vomit up, dry heaving nothing was just painful.
She only stopped pushing it so hard when the school called her, after I slipped up and mentioned to another kid that I puked every morning before school, as part of my routine. Since I had learned not to elaborate on why I did anything to adults, since my parents would invent my reasoning and villanize me without fail, I never told them about the pills. They thought I had a virus and was coming to school anyways. They did not want me infecting other students.
After a while of continuing to throw up, I stopped complaining in an effort to get mom to forget about it. She did, she has a short memory, and I eventually found a better medication after a period of time, after which the doctor didn't allow us to refill the doxy, to prevent resistance of my microbiome.
So yeah. Two but not all of the times my parents were downright shitty. I learned as a kid and teen to never bring up my physical ailments, which were limited as I was mercifully healthy. I was taught that they were all my fault, and that if I got sick in any way, it was because I was lazy or wanted attention.
Only realized this was odd when my fiancee said something about how much his mother loved to take care of him when he was sick. I realized I never had that. I once had an intermittent cough for five years, mentioned it three times, was ignored. It naturally went away on its own. I have more examples from my teen years, I'd be happy to share at a later time to validate the past experiences of other's here.
Taking notes on how to raise, or not raise, my own children.
Thank you all, sorry for the rant.

PLAYBOY Interview With Conan O'Brien Interview by Kevin Cook For Playboy Magazine February 1998
A candid conversation with the preppie prince of "Late Night" about his rocky start, his show's secret one-day cancellation and how David Letterman saved the day.
He was polite. He was funny. He gave us a communicable disease.
At 34 Conan O'Brien is hotter than the fever he was running when we met in his private domain above the "Late Night" sound stage. A gangly freckle-faced ex-high school geek he is "one of TV's hottest properties" according to "People" magazine. The host of "Late Night With Conan O'Brien" has become his generation's king of comedy.
Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. Congested too, but O'Brien has far more to worry about than his head cold. A perfectionist who broods over one bad minute in an otherwise perfect hour of TV, he worries he might be anhedonic, "I have trouble with success," he says, "I was raised to believe that if something good happens something bad is coming." Sure things look good now "Rolling Stone" calls "Late Night" "the hottest comedy show on TV." Ratings are better than ever, particularly among 18- to 34-year-olds, the viewers advertisers crave.
But O'Brien only works harder. Despite his illness he taped two shows in 26 hours on three hours' sleep. He smoothly interviewed Elton John then burst into coughing fits during commercials. Later in his crammed corner office overlooking Manhattan traffic Conan the Cool gulped Dayquil gel caps. He coughed spewing microbes.
"Sorry, sorry," he said. Of course O'Brien can't complain. He came seriously close to falling to being banished behind the scenes as just another failed talk show host.
At his first "Late Night" press conference he corrected a reporter who called him a relative unknown, "Sir I am a complete unknown," he said. That line got a laugh, but soon O'Brien looked doomed. His September 13, 1993 debut began with O'Brien in his dressing room preparing to hang himself only to be interrupted by the start of his show. Before long his career was hanging by a thread. Ratings were terrible. Critics hated the show. Tom Shales of "The Washington Post" called it as "lifeless and messy as roadkill." Shales said O'Brien should quit.
Network officials held urgent meetings discussing the Conan O'Brien debacle. Should they fire him? How should they explain their mistake?
In the end of course he turned it around. The network hung with him long enough for the ratings to improve and the host of the cooler-than-ever "Late Night" now defines comedy's cutting edge just as Letterman did ten years ago.
Even Shales loves "Late Night" these days. He calls O'Brien's turnaround "one of the most amazing transformations in television history."
O'Brien was born on April 18, 1963 in Brookline, Massachusetts. His father, a doctor, is a professor at Harvard Medical School. His mother, a lawyer, is a partner at an elite Boston Law firm. Conan, the third of six children became a lector at church and a misfit at school. Tall and goofy, bedeviled with acne, he tried to impress girls with jokes. That plan usually bombed, but O'Brien eventually found his niche at Harvard where he won the presidency of the "Harvard Lampoon" in 1983 and again in 1984 - the first two-time "Lampoon" president since humorist Robert Benchley held the honor 85 years ago.
After graduating magna cum laude with a double major in literature and American history he turned pro. Writing for HBO's "Not Necessarily The News." O'Brien was earning $100,000 a year before his 24th birthday. But writing was never enough.
He honed his performance skills with the Groundlings, a Los Angeles improv group. There he worked with his onetime girlfriend Lisa Kudrow, now starring on "Friends." But Conan was not such a standout. In 1988 he landed a job at "Saturday Night Live" - but as a writer, not as on-air talent. In almost four years on the show O'Brien made only fleeting appearances, usually as a crowd member or security guard. His writing was more memorable. He wrote (or co-wrote) Tom hanks' "Mr Short-Term Memory" skits as well as the "pump you up" infosatire of Hanz and Franz and the nude beach sketch in which Matthew Broderick and "SNL" members played nudists admiring one another's penises. With dozens of mentions of the word that hit was the most penis-heavy moment in TV history. It helped O'Brien win an Emmy for comedy writing.
In 1991 he quit "SNL" and moved on to "The Simpsons" where he worked for two years. His urge to perform came out in wall-bouncing antics in writers' meetings. "Conan makes you fall out of your chair" said "Simpsons" creator Matt Groening. O'Brien's yen to act out was so strong that he spurned Fox's reported seven-figure offer to continue as a writer. He was driving for the spotlight.
By then David Letterman had announced he was turning shin - leaving NBC taking his ton-rated act to CBS. Suddenly NBC was up a creek without a host. The network turned to Lorne Michaels, O'Brien's "Saturday Night Live" boss. Michaels enlisted Conan's help in the host search planning to use him in a behind-the-scenes job. But when Garry Shandling, Dana Carvey and almost every other star turned down the chore of following Letterman, Michaels finally listened to Conan's crazy suggestion, "Let me do it!" Michaels persuaded the network to entrust it's 12:30 slot which Letterman had turned into a gold mine to an untested wiseass from Harvard.
O'Brien was working on one of his last "Simpsons" episodes when he got the news. He turned "paler than usual," Groening recalled. The Conan moseyed back to where the other writers were working, "I'll come back with the Homer Simspon joke later. I have to go replace Letterman," he said.
NBC executives now get credit for their foresight during those dark days of 1993 and 1994. They snared the axe and now reap the multimillion-dollar spoils of that decision. In fact, the story is not so simple. We sent Contributing Editor Kevin Cook to unravel the tale of O'Brien's survival, which he tells here for the first time. Cook reports:
"His office is chock-full of significa. There's a three-foot plastic pickle the Letterman staff left behind in 1993 - perhaps to suggest what a predicament he was in. There's a copy of Jack Paar's 'I Kid You Not' and a coffee-table book called 'Saturday Night Live: The First 20 Years.' His bulletin board features letters from fans such as John Watters and Bob Dole and an 8" x 10" glossy of Andy Richter with the inscription: "To Conan - Your bitter jealousy warms my black heart. Love and Kisses Andy."
"Of course it's all for show. From the photos of kitch icons Adam West and Robert Stack to the framed Stan Laurel autograph, from the deathbed painting of Abraham Lincoln, to the ironic star taped to Conan's door - they're all clever signals that tell a visitor how to view the star. Lincoln was his collegiate preoccupation: stardom is his occupation. Somewhere between the two I hoped to find the real O'Brien.
"As a Playboy reader he wanted to give me a better-than-average interview. I wanted something more - a definitive look at the guy who may end up being the Johnny Carson of his generation."
"Here's hoping we succeeded. If not I carried his germs 3000 miles and infected dozens of Californians for no good reason.
O'Brien: Yes, this is how to do a Playboy Interview -- completely tanked on cold medicine. I'll pick it up and read, "Yes, I'm gay."
Playboy: We could talk another time. O'Brien: (coughing) No, it's OK. I memorized Dennis Rodman's answers. Can I use them?
Playboy: You sound really sick. Do you ever take a day off? O'Brien: No. The age of talk show hosts taking days off is over. Johnny Carson could go to Africa when he was the only game in town -- "See you in two weeks!" But nobody does that now. I will give you a million dollars on the first day Jay takes off for illness.
Playboy: Do you ever slow down and enjoy your success? O'Brien: If anything, the pace is picking up. Restaurateurs insist on giving me a table even if I'm only passing by, so I'm eating nine meals a night. Women stop me on the street and hand me their phone numbers.
Playboy: So you have groupies? O'Brien: Oh yes. And other fans. Drifters. Prisoners. Insomniacs. Cab Drivers, who must watch a lot of late night TV, seem to love me lately. They keep saying, "You will not pay, you will not pay, you make me happy!"
Playboy: How happy did your new contract make you? O'Brien: Terrified. The network said, "We're all set for five years." I said, "Shut up, shut up! I can't think that far ahead." Tonight, for instance, I do my jokes, then interview Elton John and Tim Meadows. We finished taping about 6:30. By 6:45 my memory was erased and my only thought was, Tomorrow: John Tesh. And I started to obsess about John Tesh. Sad, don't you think?
Playboy: Not too sad. You got off to a rocky start but now you're so hot that People magazine recently said, "that was then, this is wow." O'Brien: I try not to pay much attention. Since I ignored the critics who said I should shoot myself in the head with a German Luger, it would be cheating to tear out nice reviews now and rub them all over my body, giggling. Though I have thought about it.
Playboy: Tell us about your trademark gag. You interview a photo of Bill Clinton or some other celeb, and a pair of superimposed lips provide outrageous answers. O'Brien: We call it the Clutch Cargo bit, after that terrible old cartoon series. They saved money on animation by superimposing real lips on the cartoons. I wanted to do topical jokes in a cartoony way -- not just Conan doing quips at a desk. TV is visual; I want things to look funny. But we're not Saturday Night Live; we couldn't spend $100,000 on it. Hence, the cheap, cheesy lips, You'd be surprised how many people we fool.
Playboy: Viewers believe that's really the president yelling, "Yee-haw! Who's got a joint?" O'Brien: It's strange. You may know intellectually that Clinton doesn't talk like Foghorn Leghorn. Ninety-eight percent of your brain knows the president wouldn't say, "Whoa Conan get a load of that girl!" But there are a few brain cells that aren't sure. When Bob Dole was running for president we had him doing a past-life regression: "My cave, get away." And then back further, "Must form flippers to crawl on to rocky soil," he says. There may be people out there who believe that Bob Dole was the first amphibian.
Playboy: Do you ever go too far? O'Brien: The fun is in going too far. It's a nice device because you get Bill Clinton to do the nastiest Bill Clinton jokes. We'll have Clinton making fart noises while I say "Sir! Please!"
Playboy: Are you enjoying your job now, with your new success? O'Brien: Well, there are surprises. I hate surprises. Like most comics, I'm a control freak. But I am learning that the show works best when things are out of control. Tonight I ask Elton John if he likes being neighbors with Joan Collins. He says he isn't neighbors with Joan Collins. He lives next door to Tina Turner. So I panic -- huge mistake! But Elton saves the day. "Joan Collins, Tina Turner, it doesn't matter. Either way I could borrow a wig," he says. Huge laugh, all because I fucked up. Later he surprised me by blurting out that he's hung like a horse. The camera cuts to me shaking my head: That crazy Elton. What can I do? Of course, I'm delighted that he went too far.
Playboy: That "What can I do?" look resembles a classic take of Jack Benny's. O'Brien: There's an old saying in literature: "Good poets borrow; great poets steal." I think T.S. Eliot stole it from Ezra Pound. Comics steal, too. Constantly. When I watched Johnny Carson, I noticed that he got a few takes from Benny and Bob Hope. When a comedy writer told me how much Woody Allen had borrowed from Hope, I thought, What? They're nothing alike. Then I went back and watched Son of Paleface, and there's Hope, the nervous city guy backing up on his heels, wringing his hands and saying, "Sorry, I'll just be moving along." Now look at early Woody Allen. You see big authority figures and Woody nervously saying, "Look, I'll just be on my way." Of course Woody made it his own, but he must have watched and loved Bob Hope.
Playboy: Who are your role models? O'Brien: Carson. Woody Allen. SCTV. Peter Sellers. When Peter Sellers died I felt such a loss, thinking, There won't be anymore of that. There's some Steve Martin in my false bravado with female guests: "Why, hel-lo there!" And I won't deny having some Letterman in my bones.
Playboy: You were surprise as Letterman's successor. At first you seemed like the wrong choice. O'Brien: I didn't get ratings. That doesn't mean I didn't get laughs. Yes, I had a giant pompadour and I looked like a rockabilly freak. I was too excited, pushed too hard, and people said, "That guy isn't a polished performer." Fine! But it isn't my goal to be Joe Handsomehead cool, smooth talk show host. Late Night with Conan O'Brien is supposed to be a work in progress, and now that we've had some success there's a danger of our getting too polished and morphing into something smoothly professional. Which would suck.
Do you know why I wanted this show? Because Late Night with David Letterman played with the rules and it looked like fun. Here was a place where people did risky comedy every night for millions of people. We had to keep this thing alive. There should be a place on a big network where people are still messing around.
Playboy: How bad were your early days on the show? O'Brien: Bad. Dave left here under a cloud: his fans and the media were angry with NBC. Then NBC picks a guy with crazy hair and a weird name. And the world says, "Harvard? Those guys are assholes." I sincerely hope that the winter of December 1993, our first winter, was the worst time I will ever have. I'd go out to do the warm up and the back two rows of seats would be empty. That's hard to look at. I would tell a joke and then hear someone whisper, "Who's he? Where's Dave?"
Playboy: You had trouble getting guests. O'Brien: Bob Denver canceled on us. We shot a test show with Al Lewis of The Munsters. We did the clutch cargo thing with a photo of Herman Munster. Unfortunately, Fred Gwynne, who played Herman, had recently died, and Al Lewis kept pointing at the screen, saying, "You're dead! I was at your funeral!"
Playboy: For months you got worried notes from network executives. What did they say? O'Brien: They were worried. The fact that Lorne Michaels was involved bought me some time. But Lorne had turned to me at the start and said, "OK, Conan. What do you want to do?" Now television critics were after me and the network was starting to realize what a risk I was. Suggestions came fast and furious. I kept the note that said, "Why don't you just die?"
Playboy: Did they suggest ways to be funnier? O'Brien: They were more specific and tactical. The network gets very specific data. Say there was a drop in ratings between 12:44 and 12:48 when I was talking to Jon Bon Jovi. I'll be told, "Don't ever talk to him again" Or they'll want me to tease viewers into staying with us: "You should tease that -- say, 'We'll have nudity coming up next!'"
Playboy: You did come close to being cancelled. O'Brien: We were cancelled.
Playboy: Really? You have never admitted that. O'Brien: This is the first time I've talked about it. When I had been on for about a year, there was a meeting at the network. They decided to cancel my show. They said, "It's cancelled." Next day they realized they had nothing to put in the 12:30 slot, so we got a reprieve.
Playboy: Were you worried sick? O'Brien: I went into denial. I tried hard not to think, Yes, I'm bad on the air and my show has none of the things a TV show needs to survive. We had no ratings. No critics in our corner. Advertisers didn't like us. Affiliates wanted to drop us. Sometimes I'd meet a programming director from a local station where we had no rating at all. The guy would show me a printout with no number for Late Night's rating, just a hash mark or pound sign. I didn't dare think about that when I went out to do the show.
Playboy: Are you defending denial? O'Brien: How else does anyone get through a terrible experience? The odds were against me. Rationally, I didn't have much chance. Denial was my only friend. When I look back on the first year, it's like a scene from an old war movie: Ordinary guy gets thrown into combat, somehow beats impossible odds, staggers to safety. His buddy say, "You could have been killed!" The guy stops and thinks. "Could have been killed?" he says. His eyes cross and he faints.
Playboy: How did you dodge the bullet? O'Brien: There were people at NBC who stood up for me. I will always be indebted to Don Ohlmeyer, who stuck to his guns. Don said, "We chose this guy. We should stick with him unless we get a better plan." He was brutally honest. He came to me and said, "Give me about a 15 percent bump in the ratings and you'll stay on the air. If not, we're going to move on."
Playboy: Ohlmeyer started his career in the sports division. O'Brien: Exactly, his take was, "You're on our team." Of course, it wasn't exactly rational of Don to hope I'd be 15 percent funnier. It was like telling a farmer, "It better rain this week or we'll take your farm away."
Playboy: What did you say to Ohlmeyer? O'Brien: There wasn't time. I had to go out and do a monologue. But I will always be indebted to Don because he told me the truth. Wait a minute -- you have tricked me into talking lovingly about an NBC executive. Let me say that there were others who were beneath contempt -- executives who wouldn't know a good show if it swam up their asses and lit a campfire.
Playboy: Finally the ratings went your way. Hard work rewarded? O'Brien: Well, I also paid off the Nielsen people. That was $140,000 well spent.
Playboy: Ohlmeyer plus bribery saved you? O'Brien: There was something else. Just when everyone was kicking the crap out of the show, Letterman defended me.
Playboy: Letterman had signed off on NBC saying, "I don't really know Conan O'Brien, but I heard he killed someone." O'Brien: Then I pick up the paper and he's saying he thinks I am going to make it. "They do some interesting, innovative stuff over there," he says. "I think Conan will prevail." And then he came on as a guest. Remember, this was when we were at our nadir. There was no Machiavellian reason for David Letterman, who at the time was the biggest thing in show business, to be on my show.
Playboy: Why did he do it? O'Brien: I'm still not sure. Maybe out of a sense of honor. Fair play. And it woke me up. It made me think. Hey, we have a real fucking television show here.
Of six or seven pivotal points in my short history here, that was the first and maybe the biggest. I wouldn't be sitting here -- I probably wouldn't even exist today -- if he hadn't done our show.
Playboy: The Late Night wars were hardly noted for friendly gestures. O'Brien: How little you understand. Jay, Dave and I pal around all the time. We often ride a bicycle built for three up to the country. "Nice job with Fran Drescher!" "Thanks, pal. You weren't so bad with John Tesh." We sleep in triple-decker bunk beds and snore in unison like the Three Stooges.
Playboy: You talk more about Letterman than your NBC teammate Leno. O'Brien: I hate the "Leno or Letterman, who's better?" question. I can tell you that Jay has been great to me. He calls me occasionally.
Playboy: To say what? O'Brien: (Doing Leno's voice) "Hey, liked that bit you did last night." Or he'll say he saw we got a good rating. I call him at work, too. It can be a strange conversation because we're so different. Jay, for instance, really loves cars. He's got antique cars with kerosene lanterns, cars that run on peat moss. He'll be telling me about some classic car he has, made entirely of brass and leather, and I'll say, "Yeah, man, I got the Taurus with the vinyl." One thing we have in common is bad guests. There are certain actors, celebrities with nothing to say, who move through the talk show world wreaking havoc. They lay waste to Dave's town and Jay's town, then head my way.
Playboy: You must be getting some good guests. Your ratings have shown a marked improvement. O'Brien: Remember, when you're on at 12:30 the Nielsens are based on 80 people. My ratings drop if one person has a head cold and goes to bed early.
Playboy: Actually, you're seen by about 3 million people a night. Your ratings would be even higher if college dorms weren't excluded from the Nielsens. How many points does that cost you? O'Brien: I told you I'm an idiot. Now I have to do math too?
Playboy: Do you still get suggestions from NBC executives? O'Brien: Not as many. The number of notes you get is inversely proportional to your ratings.
Playboy: What keeps you motivated? O'Brien: Superstition. We have a stagehand, Bobby Bowman, who holds up the curtain when I run out for the monologue. He is the last person I see before the show starts, and I have to make him laugh before I go out. It started with mild jabs: "Bobby, you're drunk again." Bobby laughs, "Heehee."" Then it was, "Still having trouble with the wife, Bobby?" But after hundreds of shows, you find yourself running out of lines. It's gotten to where I do crass things at the last second. I'll put his hand on my ass and yell, "You fucking pervert!" Or drop to my knees and say, "Come on, Bobby, I'll give you a blow job!"
"Ha-ha. Conan, you're crazy," he says. But even that stuff wears off. Soon, I'll be making the writers work late to give me new jokes for Bobby.
Playboy: Did you plan to be a talk show host or did you fall into the job? O'Brien: I was an Irish Catholic kid from St. Ignatius parish in Brookline, outside of Boston. And that meant: Don't call attention to yourself. Don't ask for too much when the pie comes around. Don't get a girl pregnant and fuck up your life.
Playboy: Were you an alter boy? O'Brien: I wanted to be an alter boy, but the priest at St. Ignatius said, "No, no. You're good on your feet, kid," and made me a lector. A scripture reader at Mass. He was the one who spotted my talent.
Playboy: What did you think of sex in those days? O'Brien: I was sexually repressed. At 16 I still thought human reproduction was by mitosis.
Playboy: How did you get over your sexual repression? O'Brien: Who says I got over it? My leg has been jiggling this whole time.
Playboy: What were you like in high school? O'Brien: Like a crane galumphing down the hall. A crane with weird hair, bad skin and Clearasil. Big enough for basketball but lousy at it. My older brothers were better. I would compensate by running around the court doing comedy, saying, "Look out, this player has a drug addiction. He's incredibly egotistical."
I was an asshole at home, too. My little brother Justin loved playing cops and robbers, but I kept tying him up with bureaucratic bullshit. When he'd catch me, I'd say, "I get to call my lawyer." Then it was, "OK, Justin, we're at trial and you've been charged with illegal arrest. Fill out these forms in triplicate." Justin was eight; he hated all the lawsuits and countersuits. He just cried.
Playboy: Were you a class clown? O'Brien: Never. I was never someone who walked into a room full of strangers and started telling jokes. You had to get to know me before I could make you laugh. The same thing happened with Late Night. I needed to get the right rhythm with Andy and Max and the audience.
Playboy: So how did you finally learn about sex? O'Brien: My parents gave me a book, but it was useless. At the crucial moment, all it showed was a man and a woman with the bed covers pulled up to their chins. I tried to find out more from friends, but it didn't help. One childhood friend told me it was like parking a car in a garage. I kept worrying about poisonous fumes. What if the fumes build up? Should you shut off the engine?
Playboy: For all your talk about being repressed, you can be rowdy on the air. O'Brien: The show is my escape valve. When I tear off my shirt and gyrate my pelvis like Robert Plant, feigning orgasm into the microphone, that shows how repressed I am -- a guy who wants to push his sex at the lens but can only do it as a joke.
Playboy: Aren't you tempted to live it up? O'Brien: I always imagined that if I were a TV star I would live the way I pictured Johnny Carson living. Carousing, stepping out of a limo wearing a velvet ascot with a model on my arm. Now that I have the TV show, I drive up to Connecticut on the weekends and tool around in my car. I could probably join a free-sex cult, smoke crack between orgies and drive sports cars into swimming pools, and my Catholic guilt would still be there, throbbing like a toothache. Be careful. If something good happens, something bad is on the way.
Playboy: Yet you don't mind licking the supermodels. O'Brien: At one point a few of them lived in my building, women who are so beautiful they almost look weird, like aliens. To me, a woman who has a certain approachable amount of beauty becomes almost funny. It's the same with male supermodels. They look like big puppets. So while I admire their beauty I probably won't be "romantically linked" with a model. I'd catch my reflection in a ballroom mirror and break up laughing.
Playboy: The horny Roy Orbison growl you use on gorgeous guests sounds real enough -- O'Brien: Oh, I've been doing that shit since high school. It just never worked before.
Playboy: Your father is a doctor, your mother an attorney. What do they think of their son the comedian? O'Brien: My dad was the one who told me denial was a virtue. "Denial is how people get through horrible things," he said. He also cut out a newspaper article in which I said I was making money off something for which I should probably be treated. So true, he thought. But when I got an Emmy for helping write Saturday Night Live, my parents put it on the mantel next to the crucifix. Here's Jesus looking over, saying, "Wow, I saved mankind from sin, but I wish I had an Emmy."
Playboy: Ever been in therapy? O'Brien: Yes. I don't trust it. I have told therapists that I don't particularly want to feel good. "Repression and fear, that's my fuel." But the therapists said that I had nothing to worry about. "Don't worry Conan you will always be plenty fucked up."
Playboy: When a female guest comes out, how do you know whether to shake her hand or kiss her? Is that rehearsed O'Brien: No, and it's awkward. If you go to shake her hand and her head starts coming right at you, you have to change strategy fast. I have thought about using the show to make women kiss me, but that would probably creep out the people at home. I decided not to kiss Elton John.
Playboy: Do you get all fired up if Cindy Crawford or Rebecca Romijn does the show? O'Brien: I like making women laugh. Always have, ever since I discovered you can get girls' attention by acting like an ass. That's one of the joys of the show -- I'm working my eyebrows and going grrr and she's laughing, the audience is laughing. It's all a big put-on and I'm thinking. This is great. Here is a beautiful woman who has no choice but to put up with this shit.
But it's not always put on. Sometimes they flirt back. Sometimes there's a bit of chemistry. That happened with Jennifer Connelly of The Rocketeer.
Playboy: One guest, Jill Hennessy, took off her pants for you. Then you removed yours. Even Penn and Teller took off their pants. O'Brien: Something comes over me. It happened with Rebecca Romijn -- I was practically climbing her. Those are the times when Andy and the audience seem to disappear and it's just me and this lovely woman sitting there flirting. I keep expecting a waiter to say, "More wine, Monsieur?"
Playboy: Would you lick the wine bottle? O'Brien: It's true, there's a lot of licking on the show. I have licked guests. I have licked Andy. Comedy professionals will read this and say, "Great work, Conan. Impressive." But I have learned that if you lick a guest, people laugh. If I pick this shoe off the floor, examine it, Hmmm, and then lick it, people laugh. I learned this lesson on The Simpsons, where I was the writer who was forever trying to entertain the other writers. I still try desperately to make our writers laugh, which is probably a sign of sickness since they work for me now. Licking is one of those things that look funny.
Playboy: Johnny Carson never licked Ed McMahon. O'Brien: We are much more physical and more stupid than the old Tonight Show. Even in our offices before the show there's always some writer acting out a scene crashing his head through my door. A behind-the-scenes look at our show might frighten people.
Playboy: One night you showed a doctored photo of Craig T. Nelson having sex with Jerry Van Dyke. Did they complain about it? O'Brien: I haven't heard from them. Of course I'm blessed not to be a part of the celebrity pond. I have a television show in New York, an NBC outpost. I don't run with or even run into many Hollywood people.
Playboy: You also announced that Tori Spelling has a penis. O'Brien: I did not. Polly the Peacock said that.
Playboy: Another character you use to say the outrageous stuff. O'Brien: Polly is not popular with the network.
Playboy: You mock Fabio, too. O'Brien: If he sues me, it'll be the best thing that ever happened. A publicity bonanza: Courtroom sketches of Fabio with his man-boobs quivering, shaking his fist, and me shouting at him across the courtroom. I'm not afraid of Fabio. He knows where to find me. I'm saying it right here for the record: Fabio, let's get it on.
Playboy: Ever have a run-in with an angry celeb? O'Brien: I did a Kelsey Grammar joke a few years ago, something about his interesting lifestyle, then heard through the network that he was upset. He had appeared on my show and expected some support. At this point my intellect says, "Kelsey Grammar is a public figure. I was in the right." Then I saw him in an airport. Kelsey didn't see me at first: I could have kept walking. But there he was, eating a cruller in the airport lounge. I thought I should go over. I said hello and then said, "Kelsey, I'm sorry if I upset you." And he was glad. He looked relieved. He said, "Oh, that's OK." We both felt better.
....See my other post with the last third of the interview

Race Information

• Name: Ottawa International Marathon
• Date: May 26, 2024
• Distance: 42.2 km
• Location: Ottawa, ON
• Time: 5:23

Goals

Goal	Description	Completed?
A	Finish	Yes
B	Enjoy the experience	Yes
C	Sub-4	No

Splits

Kilometer	Time
1	5:28
2	5:31
3	5:48
4	5:47
5	5:47
6	6:24
7	5:32
8	5:53
9	5:41
10	5:40
11	5:36
12	5:44
13	5:26
14	5:33
15	5:48
16	5:34
17	5:31
18	5:41
19	5:32
20	5:42
21	5:37
22	5:42
23	5:41
24	5:51
25	7:02
26	6:56
27	7:17
28	7:49
29	7:28
30	7:43
31	8:08
32	9:09
33	11:42
34	11:33
35	13:02
36	14:54
37	11:28
38	9:06
39	10:35
40	11:49
41	11:42
42	9:17
43	6:12

Training

I've been running for a little over a decade now (30M) and in recent years have been doing triathlons and 1/2 marathons, as well as shorter running races. I've always said I would eventually do a marathon, and with this being Ottawa Marathon's 50 anniversary, they had a special early bird promo for a $50 registration, which I couldn't pass up on. I began a Garmin marathon training plan (intermediate 16 weeks) in January, and stuck to it for the most part. I repeated a few weeks to line it up with actual race date and had to take one week off in late April due to a ITBS flare-up. The plan was HR based which I'm familiar with for tri training and 5 workouts/week usually consisting of a couple interval sessions, a couple easy runs, one long run, and the occasional threshold run. Overall I really enjoyed the structured training plan and definitely felt the benefits of the various types of workouts. Knowing that this would be my first marathon, I decided to stick in high Z2/low Z3 for the most part and enjoy the race. I figured I could run a 5:30 avg pace and maybe even squeak in under 4hrs if all went well.
Nutrition wise I incorporated various gels, finally landing on Maurten ($$$), Xact bars (which are given out on course), salt tabs (eload 250mg), and water in a hydration vest.

Pre-race

I started carb loading 4 days out with pasta, bagels, bread, pizza, and chips. The day before the race, I had a late pasta lunch around 3pm and then had a light snack around dinner time. I went to bed early at 8pm and to my surprise was actually able to fall asleep. At 5am I woke up, had coffee with maple syrup and a bagel, then headed to the start line.
Prior to the start, I warmed up doing some jogging with a couple strides and used a resistance band for some targeted activation. Finally, as we lined up in the corral the pre-race jitters kicked in!

Race

The race started out great! I planned to run the first 15k at 5:45, the next at 5:30, and the final at 5-5:15, depending on how I felt. Crossing the start line I was holding myself back but still went out slightly over target. I dialed in around 2k and get in the groove. I did have to go pee from the start (of course...) so after skipping a bunch of porta-potties with line-ups, I found an open one at about 6k. After that I felt much better and was able to get back in the groove and enjoy the run. Being from Ottawa I always love running around the canal and the farm so it was really cool being on familiar roads in such a big event! My wife and some friends were on bikes and able to spot us at various parts along the course. For nutrition/hydration, I was taking a Maurten gel160 every 45min, a 250mg salt tab every hour, sipping on water from my hydration vest when needed as well as taking a nuun and water at every station. At 15km, I felt great and upped the pace as planned. Going along the Zibi parkway I really remembered how I dislike running on such cambered roads! Coming across Parliament Hill the elite half-marathoners were passing us. I thought this was interesting because although they had a police motorcade for the lead pack, the others who were ~15-30s behind were left to weave through the massive crowd of marathoners. I don't know if this is normal for a race but I figured those elites must be cursing the organizers! Now for Rockcliffe...this is where this went sideways. Around 25km, and when the sun decided to come out, I started getting an intense pain in my stomach which made me want to puke! It was severe enough that I had to take some breaks to walk and try to get it to settle. It felt something like gas build up opposed to the runs. At this point I took my last gel and I couldn't really stomach anything. The long slog on Aviation Parkway and walk/running resulted in leg cramps as well. I was still taking my salt tabs, and watenuun at every station but was cramping... I didn't know what was happening! TMI: Heading back into Rockcliffe, I actually did puke (sorry about that), and it was all liquid. This worried me, I had be hydrating and sticking to plan, but my body wasn't absorbing anything. Energy wise I still felt great. At no point did I think I was going to quit so I just started walking, and walking, and walking. Eventually a buddy caught up to me and stayed with me for a bit, he gave me some chewable salt tabs and after staying for a bit went on his way. Pretty quickly after that I felt my legs coming back to life, although my stomach was still a problem. I was able to finish the result of the race alternating between walking and hobbling. Very humbling experience.
As this was my first marathon my #1 goal was always to just complete it. Accept it as the challenge it is and enjoy the experience. Although it technically went as bad as it could (minus injury), I crossed that finish line with a big smile and I am very proud of that. There's always next time.

Post-race

Immediately after the race I got my medal (shout out to all the amazing volunteers!) and went through the finishing chute to get a food baggie, bananas, and some protein drink. My family was there and we sat and chilled for a bit before crossing the street to collect the finishers beer! We didn't stick around too long afterwards as I was anxious to get home and soak in the tub for a bit. Later that evening after being horizontal for a while we went out for celebratory ribs!

Lessons learned

The first one is a learning experience. Again, my first goal was to just complete it, which I'm so happy with. At the same time it is a little frustrating to but in all those months of training and have your body so physically ready just to be humbled by poor nutrition/hydration. Live and learn!

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PLAYBOY Interview With Conan O'Brien Interview by Kevin Cook For Playboy Magazine February 1998 Part 3
Playboy: Now that you're doing so well do you worry about losing your edge? O'Brien: I fear being a victim of success. It's seductive. You have new choices. "Conan, Sylvester Stallone wants to be on, but we're already booked." My feeling is that I must say no to Stallone. "Sorry, Sly. Bob Denver's on that night.
Playboy: How's your relationship with NBC executives now that the show is a success? O'Brien: Better. But I have not forgotten the bad old days. Let me tell you about one executive. He's no longer with the company. I had him killed. But in our darker days he came to the set one night after we did a great show. I come off after the show and this guy says, "Wow, that was terrible." He thought the show should look like MTV. "Run into the audience and tell jokes. Run up to a guy, have him shout his name, get everybody cheering."
Playboy: You didn't agree apparently. O'Brien: Too much of television is energy with no purpose. People going "Whoo!" But that's just empty energy. That's American Gladiators. I often try to lower the energy, especially when school is out and college kids are here. They're huge fans, they're psyched, but we're a quirky comedy show, not MTV Spring Break.
Playboy: Were you thrilled when the Marv Albert sex case hit the news? O'Brien: Oh man, was I into Marv. I would love to trick you into thinking I'm high-minded, but that story made me think, My God, yes, I'll use this, and this... But it bothered me the way he was publicly vilified. People were getting off on the kinky stuff; they condemned Marv for wearing women's clothing, which isn't a crime.
Playboy: Yet tonight you did a Marv Albert joke. You said Marv had a new job as a mannequin at Victoria's Secret. O'Brien: You can be uncomfortable with it and still use it. Isn't that what guilt is all about?
Playboy: What comedy bits do you regret doing? O'Brien: We did one with a character called Randy the Pyloric Sphincter. Now, the point of the joke is that this is not the sphincter that excrement passes through. The pyloric sphincter is at the top of the digestive tract. It basically keeps acid from going up into the oesophagus.
We had a guy in a sphincter costume and a cowboy hat. He says, "Hi kids, I'm Randy the Pyloric Sphincter. No, not that bad sphincter! When food passes through me, it isn't digested yet." He then proceeds to squeeze foods that look like shit whether they're digested or not. Chocolate. Picture a sphincter exuding a huge chocolate bar. We were grossing people out.
Playboy: So why put Randy on the air? O'Brien: I just loved the fact that he wore a cowboy hat.
Playboy: What sorts of bits do you refuse to do? O'Brien: Arbitrary humor. "Here's the sketch: Conan jumps into a barrel of wheat germ." I'll ask him what the joke is. "It's crazy, that's all."
Look, I was a comedy writer. I've been through this before. If the joke is that there is no joke, the writer gets no paycheck.
Playboy: Jumping into wheat germ sounds like Letterman. O'Brien: My show began with me and everyone involved with the show doing all we could to avoid being anything like Letterman. Which is difficult. He invented a lot of the form. He carved out a big territory. He's the Viking who discovered America, and now I have my little piece of northwestern Canada that I'm trying to claim as my own.
Playboy: So how do you avoid being Dave-like? O'Brien: We have always scrupulously avoided found comedy. You never see me going up and talking to normal Joe on the street. The real word of people, dogs, cabbies -- Letterman is great at that. His genius, I think, is playing with the real world around him. Which is not my forte at all. My idea is more about creating a fake, cartoony world and playing with that.
Playboy: Are you goofy in real life? O'Brien: My private life is boring. I've been with the same woman, Lynn Kaplan, for four years, and there ain't nothing crazy going on. Lynn is a talent booker on our show. We go to my house in Connecticut on weekends. I sit around playing guitar.
Playboy: Gossip columnists have placed you in Manhattan with other women. O'Brien: One of them had me with Courteney Cox. Lisa Kudrow and I did improv together years ago and we went out for a while. Maybe that's why I can now be romantically linked to the entire cast of Friends. I may be thrilled with that, but my girlfriend is one of those people who believes everything they read in the tabloids. She's sitting at the table in Connecticut when she opens a tabloid and says, "What the hell?" There's a big photo of me with Courteney Cox. The story says, "Courteney's moving in with Conan."
Playboy: Did Lynn believe it? O'Brien: No, because the story went on to say, "Conan and Courteney were seen at the Fashion Cafe munching veggie burgers." That sentence ended her faith in tabloids. Lynn knows that I would never (a) go to the Fashion Cafe and (b) eat a veggie burger. I'm an Irish-Catholic kid from Boston; I'll eat red meat until my heart explodes out of my chest.
Playboy: Do you still drive an old Ford Taurus? O'Brien: When I got my five-year contract I moved up. Bought a Range Rover. Now I drive the Range Rover to Connecticut for the weekend, park it and tool around in the Taurus all weekend. I can't let go of that Taurus. It's an extension of my penis.
Playboy: Can you forget about the show on weekends? O'Brien: I drive around playing Jerry Reed tapes, fantasizing that I'm some backwoods character. But even then -- you know, it's probably not an accident that people who do these shows tend to be depressive. You want so badly for it to be right every night, but mounting an hour-long show four times a week -- the pace will kill you. One night I put my fist through a tile wall. Another night, I walked off the stage, pulled an air-conditioning unit out of the wall and kicked it. This stuff I can't explain. Nor can I excuse it. But there may be something maddening about these shows. The pace is... I forget shows we did last week. That's why I can't imagine doing this for 30 years. I bet you could show Johnny Carson footage of how he shrieked as his body was lowered into acid and he's say, "Hmm, don't remember that one."
I saw Jerry Seinfeld at the Emmy Awards. He said he liked the show, then he paused and said, "How do you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Do what you do every night for an hour?"
That shocked me. This is Jerry Seinfeld, the master. A man everyone can agree is funny. And I really have no answer.
Playboy: Praise from Seinfeld must cheer you up. O'Brien: (Shaking his head) I worry that we have hit our stride and must be headed for a fall. Because every show has an arc. The Honeymooners had an arc. People forget, but The Honeymooners was mean and depressing. Art Carney wasn't fun and cuddly yet. Even successful shows take time to find their rhythm. Then they get self-indulgent and fuck it up. Look at late Happy Days episodes. They quit shooting on location, Mork keeps visiting, and it's an excuse to spin off new shows.
Playboy: Will you fuck it up, too? O'Brien: Eventually my only consolation may be that I get paid a lot. I'll say, "I know it sucks, but I'm getting $65 million a year!"
Playboy: Letterman said almost exactly that not long ago. When a joke died he admitted it sucked. "But I'm making a fortune!" he said. Do you really worry about losing your edge? O'Brien: I want a living will for my career. I want the people around me to pull the plug when I become a self-parody, an old blowhard like Alan Brady. Remember him, the television star Rob Petrie worked for on the Dick Van Dyke Show? Pompous, over-the-top, over-the-hill. I don't want to be Alan Brady.
Playboy: Letterman paid you an odd compliment. "When I see that show it withers me with exhaustion," he said. O'Brien: That's our new slogan. "Watch Late Night -- We'll wither you." But I think Dave was saying that he knows how hard it is to make a show like this every night.
Playboy: Suppose Leno left The Tonight Show. Would you like to duel Dave at 11:30? O'Brien: Our best slot would be eight A.M.. We have puppets, cartoons, lots of childishness. I think I'm doing an OK late-night show but it's a great kids' show.
Playboy: This from Mr. Hip? O'Brien: No. When someone says this or that sort of comedy is hip and alternative -- "Yes, these are cool people" -- I hate that. Because at the end of the day, funny is funny. People get fooled about me because I went to Harvard. "He's cerebral." But I love Green Acres. I love how Green Acres bends reality.
Playboy: Sounds cerebral. O'Brien: It isn't. In one episode Oliver Douglas has to go to Washington, D.C. His wife says, "Darling, take a picture of the Eiffel Tower." He says, "Lisa, the Eiffel Tower ---" Then Eb comes in. "Mr. Douglas, git me an Eiffel Tower postcard!" Now Oliver is terribly frustrated. He keeps sputtering about Washington, D.C., but nobody listens. At the end, he goes to Washington, looks up, and there's the Eiffel Tower. That is the kind of thing that made me love T.V.
Playboy: As a TV-mad college kid you cooked up scams to meet celebs. O'Brien: I wanted to meet Bill Cosby, so my friends and I offered him some fake award. We took a bowling trophy and called it the Harvard Comedy Award, something like that, and Cosby, thinking it was the Hasty Pudding Award, accepted. So I drive out to meet his private plane. "Over here, Mr. Cosby!" And I chauffeur him in my dad's second hand station wagon. Cosby sits in the backseat, picking old McDonald's wrappers off the floor, and says, "This is about the Hasty Pudding Award?"
"Oh no, nothing like that."
Playboy: You tricked Bill Cosby into letting you drive him around? O'Brien: I didn't realize that one does not pick up a famous person in a 1976 station wagon. They like to fly first-class, to be picked up in a Town Car and put up in a nice hotel. Fortunately I am not directly involved in celebrity care anymore.
Playboy: Did you bring other comics to Harvard? O'Brien: Yes. John Candy's people warned me that John was on the Pritikin diet. They gave me strict dietary instructions. John immediately ran into a bakery on Harvard Square to get pastries. He said they were Pritikin eclairs.
Playboy: You once stole a famous television costume. O'Brien: When Burt Ward visited Harvard there were fliers all over the campus: Burt Ward to Appear With Original Robin Costume (Insured by Lloyd's of London for $500,000). In fact, Burt Ward was said to keep a bunch of them in his car; he'd pass them out to impress girls. Naturally, I wanted to screw with him. A few friends and I attended his speech at the science center. We went dressed as security guards. I said, "Mr. Ward, I've been sent by the dean to safe guard the costume." As if it were the Shroud of Turin. But the guy is humorless. "Yes, very good. That costume is very valuable," he says.
That's when we hit the lights. Which works great in the movies. In the movies the lights go out and suddenly the jewel is gone. In real life, though, what you get is some dimming. You hit the lights and people can see a little less well.
Playboy: Did you grab the costume? O'Brien: We grabbed it and the chase was on. Some Burt Ward admirers -- young Republicans, I guess -- took off after us yelling, "Stop them!" But we escaped in a waiting car. We proceeded to torment Burt Ward for hours on the phone, saying, "This is the Joker, hee-hee-hee. I've got your costume."
Playboy: How did Burt react? O'Brien: Robinlike. He said, "Return it or you will feel my wrath!" Playboy: Burt Ward used to tell reporters he had an IQ of 200. O'Brien: He may be delusional.
Playboy: Were you always starstruck? O'Brien: Stars are fascinating. When I was a writer for Saturday Night Live, Robert Wagner did the show. One day he was sitting offstage, talking on the phone. He had on a camel-hair jacket, silk scarf, and of course his perfectly arranged Robert Wagner hair. "Very good, goodbye," he says, and hangs up. Suddenly his hand shoots up and touches the right side of his head, where the phone receiver may have disturbed a few hairs. At that point you know he has done this smooth move every day since 1948.
Playboy: You seem to prefer goofy celebs -- Jack Lord, William Shatner, Robert Stack. There are photos of Stack and Adam West, TV's Batman, here in your office. Do those guys know you are making fun of them? O'Brien: I'm not. I have a real affection for those men. To me, meeting Andy Griffith is just as interesting as interviewing Allen Ginsberg. I'm interested in Martin Scorsese and Gore Vidal as well as Jaleel White, TV's Urkel.
Playboy: How do Gore Vidal and Urkel compare? O'Brien: I'd say Jaleel White's prose style is not taken as seriously. But the same is true of Vidal's nerd character.
Playboy: As one of the writers on The Simpsons you helped create some memorable characters. O'Brien: What I loved about The Simpsons was that it wasn't a cartoon for kids. A cartoon might look like the friendliest thing in the world, but we were subversive. I loved it when we had Lisa write a patriotic essay in school: "Our country has the strongest, best educational system in the world after Canada, Germany, France, Great Britain..." It was this great sugarcoated cutting remark. I loved her for it.
Playboy: Tell us a Simpsons sercret. O'Brien: When Dan Castellaneta started doing Homer's voice, he was doing Walter Matthau. Like I said, it takes time to find your rhythm.
Playboy: So are you satisfied with your work? O'Brien: Intellectually, yes. The show works. Advertisers like to buy time on it. Young people really like it. But I was a moody, driven, self-critical person before I got this show, and that hasn't changed. It's just that I now have something even more frightening than a Saturday Night Live sketch or a Bart Simpson joke to worry about. I have an hour of comedy broadcast every night. My anxiety has finally met its match.
Playboy: Will you and Lynn get married? O'Brien: The core idea of being a comic, particularly a comic with a talk show, is control. Marriage is a leap of faith, a giving up of control. I'm not sure if I can make that leap.
Playboy: What about kids? O'Brien: What sort of dad would I make? Maybe this job and a normal family life are diametrically opposed. Dave, Jay, Bill Maher, Arsenio -- where are your kids? Jack Paar seemed to have a normal life with a wife and child, but you don't see much of that. And I believe that your kid should be the most important thing in your life. I may not have room, at least not now. I have Pimpbot to think about.
Playboy: Another foul mouthed Late Night character. O'Brien: Half-robot, half-Seventies street pimp. He's got a feathered hat and a metallic voice: "Gotta run my bitches. Run my ho's. I'll cut you." Right now my life revolves around Pimpbot.
Playboy: You need to settle a fashion question. You, Leno and Letterman seldom wear suits off stage. Leno likes flannel shirts, Letterman prefers jeans and sweatshirts. You wear T-shirts. Why wear a suit and tie on the air? O'Brien: There are two schools of thought on that. The Steve Martin approach says that you're putting on a show, so dress up for the people. The George Carlin approach says all that old showbiz stuff is over, this is the new way, so wear a T-shirt. I choose a jacket and tie because that's the uniform people expect talk show hosts to wear. If I came out in a mesh T-shirt and chains it might distract people from the comedy.
Playboy: How would you describe your show? O'Brien: It's a hybrid. If Carson defined the talk show and Letterman was the anti-talk show, where do you go next? That was the question we faced. What we did was make a show that has the visual trappings of the classic Tonight Show -- the desk, the band, the sidekick -- but with everything else perverted. When it works well I'd say my show is one part Carson, one part Charlie Rose and one part Pee-Wee's Playhouse.
Playboy: Do you have any advice for future talk show hosts? O'Brien: You had better love the job. Some hosts don't. You can see it in their eyes. Chevy Chase's talk show -- he did not want to be there. And if that's in your eyes you're finished, because there's another show tomorrow and next week and the week after that. You can't conquer it. You can do two or three or ten good shows in a row and still want to punch a wall when you slip up.
Playboy: Can you ever conquer your repressed childhood? O'Brien: It's always there. I still believe in moral absolutes. Murder, for instance, is wrong, unless it helps the show.
Playboy: Still, talk show hosts have perks most guys can only dream of. O'Brien: It's great to be played over to the desk. You finish your monologue, then the band kicks in as you cross the set. Fortunately, we have a great band. Even when people didn't like anything about the show, they loved the Max Weinberg Seven. The music heightens everything. Now you are more than just a guy in a suit, you're Co-nan O'Bri-en! I think every guy should have that -- if a band played you over to your rental car at the airport, you'd have a cooler day.
Playboy: Is Andy Richter your Ed McMahon? O'Brien: He's Andy. When we were getting started and the network wasn't sure of me, they kept asking, "Who's that Andy guy?" I think we've answered the question. Part of the show's rhythm is my energy played against the quiet steadiness of Andy.
Playboy: Is that rhythm genuine? O'Brien: Yes. Our mentalities mesh. I'm always dissatisfied. He's the guy saying, "Hey, relax. It's good enough." My girlfriend would be happy if I had a bit more of that in me.
Playboy: Who is the guest you can't get? O'Brien: Werner Klemperer. He refuses to revive Colonel Klink, the commandant he played on Hogan's Heroes. Which confuses me. Is he going to come up with another character at this late date -- Werner Klemperer as the aging black man or kung fu fighter? No, he's Colonel Klink.
Playboy: You once said that as a boy you wanted to be like Bob Crane in Hogan's Heroes, the cool guy who "wore a bomber jacket and wised off to Nazis." O'Brien: I asked Werner Klemperer to do some bits as Colonel Klink. He refused. Then a strange thing happened. We're shooting abit on the West Side when Werner Klemperer comes around the corner. Pulling his parka up to his chin, just like Colonel Klink, he walks past our film crew and says, "Hello, Conan. I must say the show is very good lately. Give my best to Andy. Farewell!" It was a cameo appearance in reality. He was there, he was gone. I wanted to shout, "Hey, Werner Klemperer just did a walk-on in my life."
Playboy: Are you losing the boundaries between your life and your job? O'Brien: There are no boundaries. At any minute Werner Klemperer may step in here and give me 30 days in the cooler. It's getting surreal. Just this morning I am going through the lobby downstairs when two girls see me. One girl nudges the other, "Look, it's the guy from Conan O'Brien!" I guess she couldn't quite place me, but she knew which show I was on.
Copyright Playboy Magazine 1998

Hello everyone,
First time dog owner, I just adopted a 6 months old Australian Cattle dog! She's perfect in every aspect I could ask to be honest, BUT little girl doesn't care about doing #1 or #2 outside she always does it inside at different spots... now I've read so many post and most will say that around 6months she's supposed to be good with it, BUT i dont know if because she's adopted, it could be related to that...
Also I'm training her with the crate at the moment but even when she gets out and I brjng her to the spot to pee, she just sits down and look at me 😅
I got her like 1 week ago, and I'm just confused on why she doesnt pee/poop outside if she was raised on a farm 😅
Thanks to everyone for taking the time !

Race Information

• Name: Tartan Ottawa International Marathon
• Date: May 26, 2024
• Distance: 42.2km
• Location: Ottawa, Ontario
• Website: https://www.runottawa.ca/
• Time: 3:23:XX

Goals

Goal	Description	Completed?
A	Sub 3:30	Yes
B	Sub 3:20	No
C	New PB	Yes

Splits

Kilometer	Time
1	4:59
2	4:49
3	4:49
4	4:47
5	5:12
6	4:47
7	4:46
8	4:52
9	4:39
10	4:40
11	4:42
12	4:37
13	4:36
14	4:40
15	4:39
16	4:37
17	4:39
18	4:35
19	4:45
20	4:34
21	4:42
22	4:34
23	4:32
24	4:36
25	4:37
26	4:46
27	4:37
28	4:35
29	4:47
30	4:48
31	4:34
32	4:45
33	4:51
34	5:02
35	4:43
36	4:54
37	4:40
38	4:54
39	4:56
40	5:08
41	5:07
42	4:56
43	4:50

Training

27M, with one marathon ran back in October 2023 (Toronto Waterfront Marathon) with a 3:58:XX finish. At the time, I had little knowledge to properly train for a marathon and felt that I could deliver better results with a proper training block. Took a couple of months off running, due to school, but begun to train by the start of 2024.
One of my new year resolutions was to start running with others, where I joined Blacktoe Running for their Sunday long runs. These long runs consisted 25-30km+, with a deload week every month & made running more enjoyable towards the end of the week. These long runs were complemented with a couple of easy runs + one medium speed workout each week for 18 weeks (2 weeks of taper). Luckily, I was able to include marathon pacing into a few long runs, which I had not included into prior training. Total mileage increased monthly from 195km(Jan), 319km(Feb), 381km(Mar), 354km(Apr), 240km (May). Weekly mileage averaged to about ~80-85km before the taper with a peak week of 105km.
Fortunately, I had the time to maintain strength training with one lower body session per week. This consisted with a mix of squats, deadlifts, bulgarian split squats, RDL's, calf raises, monster walks, etc.
Shoe rotation consisted of Nike Zoomfly 5's for easy/recovery runs, Adidas Boston 12's for easy/tempo/long runs, and the Nike Vaporfly 2's (that I thrifted for $60 new) for long runs in later weeks. Also, decided to use the Alphafly 2's after putting in 80km and unfortunately having to cut part of the insole to avoid the notorious arch blisters that most runners experience.
Nutrition consisted of Maurten 100/160's and fast chews during long runs, and Liquid IV for hydration before and during runs. However, I tried to avoid excessively using gels with how expensive they are.
I had only raced one 10k during this build with a 40:4X finish, 2 weeks out from the marathon. This led me to believe that I was able to run a 3:20-3:30 marathon. At the beginning of May, I started to get accustomed to waking up at 5am ,as there were multiple weeks of hot & humid temperatures leading up to the race.

Pre-race

Arrived in Ottawa on Friday and ran a final 6k shakeout run, and picked up my bib on Saturday. The expo experience was fine, and thankfully did not end up spending any money. Unfortunately, I signed up for a shakeout run, however I was unable to attend, due to poor scheduling on my part of attending the expo first. Sometimes less is more, so it wasn't a huge deal breaker. I had carb loaded 3 days prior consisting of overnight oats, bagels, pasta, and pizza. I did not get good sleep during the week with 4-6havg.
One of my friends/teammates(will refer him as M) that I trained with since the start of this year, decided to stay with me Saturday evening & travel to the start line together. We both verbally agreed to try to stay beside each other for a long as possible, but would move on forward if one of us bonked later on. It was a special race for him as this was his first ever marathon.
Woke up at 4:00am, consumed a bagel with peanut butter & a banana, and drank one cup of coffee and 500ml of water mixed with Liquid IV. Put on my race kit & got dropped off to the starting line. I did feel that I would be a tad over hydrated and had to use the washroom multiple times before the race.
For nutrition, I brought 4 Maurten 100's & 4 GO Gels to be taken every 30 minutes, and 21 salt chews to be taken every 40 min or when my legs started to cramp.
The weather at the start was pleasant, at about 14 degrees with overcast for most of the race.
The first gel was taken 15 min prior to start time, and lined up just behind the 3:20 and 3:25 pace bunnies. After a delay and the elites set off, the 2nd wave started around 7:15am.

Race

1-5K
As with most big marathons, the 1st km was very congested and tried to avoid weaving as much as possible. M & I agreed to start the race conservatively at a strict 4:50/km pace for the first 10-16km, and quickly got settled in. Unfortunately, I had a creeping urge to pee early on and followed what others did by running towards a bush *oops sorry* around the 5k mark.
5-15k
Much of this time was playing catch up to M, as he was just 200m ahead. The farm area was actually pleasant & 1st time around to see the other runners, which was definitely motivating to know that 3:20 was within reach after passing the 3:25 pace group. At this point, I was going 10-15sec faster than what was planned, but was fairly flat & downhill. As I finally caught up with M, he decided to push the pace and lost him for the 2nd time.
16-25k
Man, this part of the race was electric. There were crowd support on both sides of the road and running past parliament hill was probably one of the highlights. Every minute I heard someone scream 'GO BLACKTOE" to my surprise, and evidently helped with my fastest splits during this period. Again, I caught up with M & we crossed the half together by pumping up the crowd.
26-32k
This was when I started to feel both of my VMO's cramp, and started to panic. I ended up taking 9 fast chews within a 20 min period, which which somewhat help to not fully seize and bonk. Also, it did not help seeing the other runners faces & form starting to struggle on the Rockcliffe Parkway as they reached the 30k point. Unfortunately, this was when I dropped and last saw M, as he was experiencing pain in both legs. This was also the closest point to the 3:20 pace group as they turned back into the Rockcliffe.
33-37k
Those Rockcliffe hills were brutal. I started to have doubts if I could sustain my pace and the thought of running a sub 3:20 was slipping away. My quads were pounding & it was all a mental game. I was glad with all of the crowd support that still helped me push through.
38-Finish
As we left Rockcliffe, the crowd support started to increase again. I just told myself "release all you have left in the tank". However, it was not enough time to recover & around 39km was when the half marathon runners merged together. It was very difficult to have to weave again for the last couple of km & thats when the sun decided to show up. I looked down towards my watch with 2km left, having run 3:12:XX. The last 2km felt the longest stretch of the whole marathon, but I got to soak it all in with both my hands high and on both my feet.

Post-race

Immediately stopped my watch and saw 42.72km, which was very surprising. I guess I spent those extra 500m weaving. I walked over to the hydration station and drank about 8 cups of water. I waited about 10 minutes for M, but after seeing the 2:00 & 2:15 half marathon pacers, I felt that something had happened. I decided to get my medal and meet up with him post race when I got a call from the medical staff that he had to be wheel chaired off, once he crossed the finish line.
After half an hour, I was able to reach him where medical staff had been helping participants. We hugged each other as it was a special moment for having just run his first marathon. We were instructed to walk for awhile before he could be discharged & received his medal afterwards.
We met up with my family afterwards and ate AYCE sushi as a celebration for what was an amazing weekend in Ottawa. I would definitely recommend this spring race as an experience, although its notoriously known to be called "Hottawa". The weather conditions were actually decent compared to previous years, although it did get very warm towards the finish. It was well organized & the crowd support did not disappoint at all. Ended up with a 35min PB and will look to build upon this going into the summefall.
Made with a new race report generator created by u/herumph.

Hey Sportsfans — it's time for Week 9 of baseball Power Rankings: Happy Memorial Day friends! I hope on this holliday you eat some patriotic food and enjoy these American baseball numbers.
Every voter has their own style / system and the only voting instructions are these:

"To an extent determined individually, you must take into account how strong a team is right now and likely to be going forward. You must, to some degree, give weight to the events and games of the previous week."

TRANSPARENCY: This link will show you who voted each team where and has added neat statistics!
If something is a little messed up, feel free to pester me let me know.
Total Votes: 26 of 30..

#		Team	Δ	Comment	Record
1		Phillies	0	Well the Phillies finally had a bad week, going 4-2, outscoring their opponents 33-20 and gaining a game on the Braves. Their first series loss since April 3 was bound to come eventually, but I think most fans were hoping it wouldn't come against the Rockies, although they're not nearly as bad as their record says in Coors. That loss came after sweeping, and frankly dominating, the defending champions in what many were billing as the Phillies first real test, although the Rangers seem to be in a bit of a slide. There's no need to panic as Kyle Schwarber is about to start hitting in June (career .740 OPS through the first two months of the season, .940 in June) and hopefully the team can keep winning games and holding a comfortable division lead. This week, they finish off a mini west coast trip in San Francisco before coming home for 3 against the red hot Cardinals.	38-16
2		Yankees	+1	How many more ways can I concoct to rave about the Yankees’ starting pitching? Luis Gil is probably gonna get put in the pen when Cole returns despite being a legit ROY contender and kinda-sorta-lowkey in Cy Young race too. None of the existing five starters deserve the demotion, Gil just happens to be the one who was recently hurt and hasn’t thrown many innings in one year in a while. Oh, and while I’m at it - Aaron Judge is right back to doing things that only innermost-circle Hall of Famers have done before him. There’s not a scarier hitter in baseball at their best than Judge at his best…no, not even him.	37-18
3		Guardians	+3	I don't know who put as #1. This week, lots of good teams were swept by lost series to bad teams. (Phillies swept by Rockies, Orioles swept by Cardinals, Dodgers swept by Reds, Braves lost series to Pirates.) BUT the Guardians are on a nine-game winning streak. Yay. Some of those were nailbiters, but wins are wins.	36-17
4		Orioles	0	Finally got swept and ended that dumb streak, which I personally thought ended in the playoffs last year. The bigger news is John Means and Dean Kremer are both on the IL. Means' injury seems to be the "worse" one right now but we shall see in the long run. The offense can still not get any consistency, relying way too much on HR's and the same people hitting them. This team would be in bad shape without Gunnar, Adley and Westburg. Santander too always seems to come up big when needed. It is going to be the next 30 days that is the premise on how the rest of the season goes. Mullins needs to get going and either Hays or someone else needs to start being consistent with getting on base, otherwise the bats will go cold again.	33-18
5		Dodgers	-3	What an incredible week it has been for Dodgers haters. Losing a series to the Dbacks is one thing, but getting swept by the Reds hurt to watch, no offense to the Reds. The Dodgers' bottom half of the order has been colder and we I witnessed one of the worst bullpen innings I've ever seen from the team on Friday (bottom of the 5th vs. Reds, go watch it haters). I know the season is about ebbs and flows, and the team will almost certainly bounce back but this was a hard week to watch.	33-22
6		Royals	+2		34-20
7		Braves	-2	Nothing like a season ending injury to Acuña to ruin your Memorial Day cookout. Woof. I don't know what to say. Here's a "fun" fact: the Braves have not (and will not) play a complete game this season with their complete starting roster. When you lose the preseason favorite for Cy Young that would be bad enough, but how about the defending MVP as well? I am gonna go cry into my 1000th hamburger of the weekend. Don't call me. I am not OK.	30-20
8		Brewers	-1	The Brewers had yet another .500 week against teams they should be beating, but the division lead grew, so I guess it's alright. Big series against the Cubs coming up.	30-22
9		Twins	+2	A 4-2 week is definitely what we needed to get back on track. The bullpen is still a little shaky despite showing signs of improvement, and the lineup is starting to click again with Correa stepping up to jumpstart everyone. In the rotation, Paddack has performed very well and is showing just how deep our staff is. Royce Lewis is set to return within about a week too, and his energy will absolutely give the team a boost.	28-24
10		Mariners	0	It's been a strange week. The M's have both snatched victory from the jaws of defeat, and... also very much the opposite. I would talk about the offense, but Taylor Saucedo doesn't want to hear s*t about it (and we're glad he's recovered quickly and back with the club!) Most promisingly, Julio is showing some signs of return to form, with a few dingers and a lot more contact in the air. An AL West homestand is up, and hopefully it's time to finally beat up on the division. *Up next: 4 vs. Asterisks, 3 vs. Mike Trout and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Angels	28-26
11		Red Sox	+4	Welp, after stomping Tampa in the Trop (something we've been unable to do for years now), we came home only to just barely avoid getting swept by Milwaukee in Fenway. Two steps forward, two steps back. Meanwhile, the young stars we extended have been the worst of our young core, with Bello getting outmatched by Houck and Crawford, and Rafaela unable to put it together on either side of the ball (despite some flashy highlight reel defensive plays). Maybe we'll break out next week...	27-26
12		Cubs	-3	The Cubs offensive slump hit a nadir this week, as they were held scoreless by a pitcher who was terrible this season in AAA. And while they did rebound a bit in the weekend 2-game set vs the Cardinals, it still wasn't enough to bail out the starting pitching, which went from out of this world to merely ok. Coupled with some truly abysmal defense for what was supposed to be a strong defensive team, and the Cubs have slipped from 6 games above .500 at the start of the month to just 1. Of particular concern is the catching situation, as Cubs catchers have both been abysmal at the plate and completely inept at throwing runners out, leading to increased high pressure moments for the pitching staff. It appears that the Cubs will be forced to make a move at that position near the deadline, but for now they can only wait and hope that the tandem of Yan Gomes and Miguel Amaya can somewhat bounce back, as they're relying on the rest of the offense to. The Cubs have crucial 4 game set coming up against the Brewers, they need to not lose this series to stay in touch with them in the NL Central Race.	27-26
13		Padres	-1	The Padres set another attendance record while losing another series at home. It was nice to see them rally Sunday in the 6th with two outs playing small ball to get the dub though. The Padres are just 11-18 at home this season, and have been right around .500 all year. Jeremiah Estrada has been a revelation.	28-28
14		Giants	+5	After a completely normal week @ PIT and NYM, the Giants recorded yet another winning week. If you’re a Giants fan not currently under medical supervision, you had a fun week. It could’ve been better, but it could’ve been a LOT worse. Tyler Rodgers in the 9th not withstanding, the bullpen has solidified into an arguable strength, cold bats have heated up, Snell is back and, uh, he was not as bad as his stats suggest. I saw progress there. This week we host the Phillies and Yankees. A 3 -3 week would be more than acceptable and this should be a solid test as to how real the Giants plan on being this year.	27-27
15		Tigers	+1	The Tigers are in a bit of a streaky run right now, dropping five in a row before taking the last three games from Toronto to end the weekend. Capped by a three run bomb by Matt Vierling to walk off the Blue Jays, it seems (unfortunately) that the team has taken a liking to the ugly ass City Connects. At one game below the .500 mark at 26-27, it would be cool to get some some sustained success as the weather warms up and school gets out. A packed CoPa is certainly within reach all summer if the team plays well enough. This week: 2 vs. PIT, 4 at BOS.	26-27
16		Astros	+1		24-29
17		D-Backs	+1		25-28
18		Rangers	-5	Corey Seager is back from the dead. The offense might not be and the IL continues to grow. Go Sports.	25-29
19		Rays	-5	I wish that I could turn back time, 'Cause now the baseball ain't fine- Can't hit without consistency from stars. I know our arms get injured fast, Cold water and a low tide- Rays baseball now, it's killing me inside	26-28
20		Cardinals	+5	The Cardinals went 5-0 this week. They were nine games under .500 on May 12th and have now won 10 of their last 12. This team has found some momentum and is right back in the thick of things. If you thought the Cardinals were dead, they're alive.	25-26
21		Pirates	0	If the Pirates had a bullpen that was evenly modestly competent, they just would have finished off a 5-1 week that put them into the thick of the Wild Card race. Instead, they lost two games started by Jared Jones and Paul Skenes despite hitting a grand slam in both. The biggest culprit is Aroldis Chapman, who is currently being paid $10.5 million to walk every batter he faces	25-29
22		Reds	+2	AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH oh hey guys you just caught me in the middle of my weekly scream. Just something I’ve been doing lately, every week just lie face first onto the pillow on my bed and just let loose. Really relaxes the mind you know? Anyway, the Reds swept the Dodgers this week. Not really sure how they accomplished this feat, but they did. So yay for teams named after colors. Oh by the way, I just wanted to point out that I think I have a really upbeat personality. I’m pointing this out because SOME PEOPLE think it’s a “real downer” and that’s why “we should take some time apart”. There’s nothing wrong with optimism right? Whatever. Don’t want to talk about it. You know what I do want to talk about? My rap career. Okay, lay down the beat, bf bf bf yeah, uh huh, yeah I sling money like I sling my TV, twenty percent off your first month at sling TV with the promo code baby. Yeah. I throw baseballs like a madman, at the party I’m a stag man, oh I spilled my drink on your shirt my bad man. Up at the plate, take strike 1 like it’s my birthday, I can wait for the cake. Okay, so this is like as far as I got. I’m not very good at rhyming. Reds are doing pretty fine right now you know. I’m not gonna lie, I’m typing this all out on my phone, and it’s 2am, and me and my friends just left our 4th bar of the night and are heading home to play some Call of Duty. Okay bye.	23-30
23		Blue Jays	-1	This week had EVERYTHING. Supposed HR hitter Daniel Vogelbach actually hit a HR. The Jays were shut out by the worst team in baseball in between scoring 9 runs twice (and 9 runs again the next day). Leo Kikuchi. The Tigers didn't pay their electric bill and greatest-broadcaster-in-baseball Dan Shulman called the game FROM HIS CELL PHONE. The Jays, one of the worst offenses in the game, scored 11 runs and still somehow lost the game. Oh, and they failed to sweep the White Sox and lose 3 of 4 to DET. This team is heading for a full-on sale at the trade deadline after coming into the season looking like a playoff contender again. They score 2 runs or less in 40% of our games. Fire Don Mattingly. Fire Ross Atkins. Sign Leo Kikuchi.	23-29
24		Nationals	-1		23-28
25		Mets	-5	The Mets are in freefall. As they hover nearly 10 games below .500, they'll need to change course fast to avoid a midsummer fire sale. Anecdotally, there seems to be rising doubt in the viability of an Alonso/LindoNimmo/McNeil core amongst fans. The team is starting to look so broken that even competing in 2025 seems dubious.	22-30
26		Angels	0	History is in the making at Angel Stadium. Standing with a home record of 6-19, the Angels are on pace for 19 wins at home. In the 162 game era, no team has won fewer than 22 home games.	20-33
27		Athletics	0	Happy Memorial Day! This team isn't good, and I have no clue what Kotsay is doing with the line-ups. I can't name half the guys starting for us right now which is never good with 3 of our original rotation hitting the IL in success. We got Andujar from the IL for the first time and sent a bunch of other players back down.	22-33
28		Marlins	+1	When starting pitchers start playing more consistently you win more games, who knew? Shout out to Braxton Garret for throwing a maddux! The offense has had better situational hitting, which is evident with the multiple victories in extra innings that weve seen this last week. As long as Stottlemeyer keeps working his magic we might just end with more than 70 wins, but its still pretty early to know. We start off the week against the pads at home, followed by a series in arlington.	19-35
29		Rockies	-1	Where were you when Phillies was kill? This felt like a trap series to a lot of people and played out that way. We were one (terrible) inning away from a sweep. Though the Phillies were also one pitch away from a series win. None of the games were a Coors Field Special™, the pitching (not you Justin Lawrence) just did its job. We're still bad and it's still going to be a slog, but who among us doesn't like pointing at the Phillies and laughing?	18-34
30		White Sox	0	After barely being mid for a few weeks, the White Sox suck again. They're 4 games worse than the 2nd worst team in the league and have a whopping -38 run differential compared to the second worst team. It's not even June and they have a -209 run differential compared to the Phillies. That's, uh, not good. This weekend, they got swept by a much better ball club and organization in the Orioles who not only have a better major league team by miles, they have a better farm system. It brings me back to 2022, when there was still some hope for this team, but the signs of a collapse were there. In June 2022, the White Sox hosted the Orioles for a 4 game series. The White Sox came into the season as a dark horse World Series pick on the back of what looked like a solid rotation and young players who were good, but could still continue to take the next step. They struggled in the early part of the season, but were hovering around .500 most of the year. At the time, the Orioles were still in rebuild mode and this series looked to be a potential one to get the White Sox back on track. Instead, they narrowly avoided a sweep but I was taken aback by what I saw from the Orioles. Each of their outfielders made at least one spectacular play in game 1 and they looked like a real baseball team. It was really when I first started doubting if the White Sox were ever going to take the next step. It's fitting that the Orioles came to town this year and demolished this team.	15-39

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351 Lake Shore Drive, Genius Jane - Sunrise [Good Vibes Only] / Key Am, BPM 100, 5:37, MP3 13.73 Mb
ANKO (DE) - Tranquillo [Great Stuff Recordings] / Key Fm, BPM 127, 6:18, MP3 15.38 Mb
Aaron Chase - Acid Hart [Ihearttechno Records] / Key Cm, BPM 133, 8:54, MP3 21.50 Mb
Aaron Chase - Relative Mvt [Ihearttechno Records] / Key F#, BPM 140, 7:45, MP3 18.75 Mb
Adrian P, Carl Novy - Shake [Urban GorillazX] / Key E, BPM 128, 6:23, MP3 15.50 Mb
AdrianoMaria - Blanca [Irma Records] / Key Gm, BPM 110, 3:30, MP3 8.76 Mb
Afternoon In Stereo - Slowburn [Good Vibes Only] / Key Cm, BPM 150, 2:14, MP3 5.61 Mb
Agent Greg, Abigail Bailey - Body & Soul feat. Abigail Bailey (Gold Ryan Mix) [Good Vibes Only] / Key Bm, BPM 124, 6:59, MP3 17.00 Mb
Alex Lo Faro - Love You [Deepalma] / Key Fm, BPM 125, 4:25, MP3 11.00 Mb
Alex Seda, Nuria Swan - Salvacion [Good Vibes Only] / Key F#m, BPM 128, 7:04, MP3 17.18 Mb
Alex Spite - White Sail [Good Vibes Only] / Key Em, BPM 122, 7:27, MP3 18.11 Mb
Ali Mecsap - Dark Night [Starship No. 27] / Key Em, BPM 140, 3:05, MP3 7.58 Mb
Alina Kiya - Revelations (GUZ Remix) [Deepalma] / Key Gm, BPM 123, 5:01, MP3 12.40 Mb
Amrick Channa, JJ Mullor, Lexvaz - Best in Me (John De Mark Soul Remix) [Good Vibes Only] / Key Am, BPM 127, 5:55, MP3 14.44 Mb
Andhim - I Love You [Deepalma] / Key Dm, BPM 123, 5:37, MP3 13.86 Mb
Angelo Posito - Dedicated (Dub Mix) [Drum Tunnel Records] / Key Gm, BPM 131, 6:56, MP3 16.83 Mb
Angelo Posito - Dedicated [Drum Tunnel Records] / Key Bm, BPM 133, 8:04, MP3 19.54 Mb
Angie Stone, KingTouch, Andy Keys - I Wish (Club Mix) [Way Up Music] / Key Cm, BPM 115, 6:50, MP3 16.66 Mb
Aromix - Danger Zone [Alveda Gold] / Key Gm, BPM 124, 3:32, MP3 8.52 Mb
Artjom Schmidt - Chiaro [Initiate Records] / Key Dm, BPM 105, 6:30, MP3 15.79 Mb
Artjom Schmidt - Oscuro [Initiate Records] / Key Fm, BPM 133, 7:49, MP3 18.97 Mb
Atique - Crowd [YHV Records] / Key Bm, BPM 122, 6:39, MP3 16.44 Mb
Atze Ton - The Last Dance [Ushuaia Music] / Key Dm, BPM 130, 5:14, MP3 13.12 Mb
Audio Jackz - Berliner Nacht [Sugaspin] / Key Fm, BPM 138, 3:24, MP3 8.31 Mb
Augusto Gagliardi - Don't You Know [Deepalma] / Key Cm, BPM 125, 6:40, MP3 16.38 Mb
Aura Aire - 5 Lieder, Op. 49: IV. Wiegenlied. Zart bewegt [Classential] / Key F, BPM 80, 1:15, MP3 3.13 Mb
Aura Aire - Ave Maria [Classential] / Key G, BPM 113, 2:57, MP3 7.21 Mb
Aura Aire - Greensleeves [Classential] / Key Am, BPM 97, 4:01, MP3 9.78 Mb
Aura Aire - Harpsichord Concerto No. 1 in D minor, BWV 1052: II. Adagio [Classential] / Key Dm, BPM 120, 4:21, MP3 10.59 Mb
Aura Aire - Invention in B minor, BWV 786 [Classential] / Key Bm, BPM 130, 1:21, MP3 3.38 Mb
Aura Aire - Peer Gynt Suite No. 1, Op. 46: IV. In the Hall of the Mountain King [Classential] / Key Bm, BPM 152, 2:18, MP3 5.63 Mb
Aura Aire - Piano Sonata No. 12, Op. 26: I. Andante con variazioni (A♭ major) [Classential] / Key Ab, BPM 123, 6:30, MP3 15.73 Mb
Aura Aire - Piano Sonata No. 14, Op. 27 No. 2 "Moonlight Sonata": I. Adagio sostenuto [Classential] / Key F#m, BPM 142, 6:04, MP3 14.70 Mb
Aura Aire - Piano Sonata No. 16 in C major, K. 545: III. Rondo [Classential] / Key Am, BPM 208, 1:38, MP3 4.05 Mb
Aura Aire - The Nutcracker (suite), Op. 71a: III. Danse de la Fée-Dragée [Classential] / Key Em, BPM 104, 2:05, MP3 5.13 Mb
Avigate - Broken [HEXAGON] / Key Cm, BPM 124, 4:43, MP3 11.78 Mb
Bajazo - Cause I Am Live with the Shadows [Magnolia] / Key Bbm, BPM 124, 4:53, MP3 11.89 Mb
Banda Sonora, G Club - Guitarra G (Afterlife Remix) [Deepalma] / Key Fm, BPM 139, 5:52, MP3 14.48 Mb
Ben Altrow - Breathe [AltroWorld Records] / Key Bbm, BPM 128, 5:34, MP3 13.64 Mb
Benjamin Bryan - Born In The 90's [OVT Records] / Key Abm, BPM 130, 5:32, MP3 13.38 Mb
Birdhouse - OMG [Great Stuff Recordings] / Key Dbm, BPM 122, 5:03, MP3 12.39 Mb
Black Notes On White - Sex Soul Love (Antiqua vs. Cam'Rick Electronic Mix) [Urban GorillazX] / Key Fm, BPM 128, 5:34, MP3 13.54 Mb
Black Sosa, Stefaina - Paradise [Deepalma] / Key Cm, BPM 124, 6:33, MP3 16.10 Mb
Boris Dlugosch, Purple Disco Machine - L.O.V.E. [Deepalma] / Key Dbm, BPM 118, 5:31, MP3 13.61 Mb
Bosco Loco - Boy I Do What I Want [Shake The Disease] / Key E, BPM 120, 6:08, MP3 14.94 Mb
Bruno Barra, Matteo Palmieri - Sexy Thing [Urban GorillazX] / Key Cm, BPM 128, 5:32, MP3 13.47 Mb
Bruno Robles - Ayenne [Ledo Recordings] / Key Bm, BPM 122, 4:51, MP3 12.00 Mb
Bruno Robles - Maye [Ledo Recordings] / Key Gm, BPM 122, 6:22, MP3 15.63 Mb
Calzoh - Dark Days (Original) [TRecords] / Key Dm, BPM 135, 5:04, MP3 12.67 Mb
Calzoh - Hypnotic Movement (Original) [TRecords] / Key Am, BPM 140, 5:17, MP3 13.22 Mb
Calzoh - Insane in the Brain (Original) [TRecords] / Key Fm, BPM 135, 5:16, MP3 13.15 Mb
Calzoh - Lunatic (Original) [TRecords] / Key Bb, BPM 135, 4:59, MP3 12.48 Mb
Calzoh - Paranoid (Original) [TRecords] / Key Fm, BPM 135, 5:07, MP3 12.80 Mb
Carara - Criaturas X 34 [Translucent] / Key Am, BPM 136, 8:09, MP3 19.77 Mb
Carara - Criaturas X 41 [Translucent] / Key Em, BPM 138, 7:27, MP3 18.12 Mb
Carara - Criaturas X 71 [Translucent] / Key Fm, BPM 138, 8:09, MP3 19.79 Mb
Carl Cox - Sand, Moon & Stars [Deepalma] / Key F#m, BPM 120, 4:56, MP3 12.20 Mb
Carlo Giannico - Quer Dancar [Groovy Bone] / Key Fm, BPM 128, 3:19, MP3 8.18 Mb
Carlos A - Digital Sound [Circus Recordings] / Key Gm, BPM 126, 6:21, MP3 15.51 Mb
Carlos Pineda - Third Eye [Circus Recordings] / Key Cm, BPM 128, 4:30, MP3 11.08 Mb
Castrin - Pulse [Ihearttechno Records] / Key Am, BPM 130, 5:43, MP3 13.87 Mb
Castrin - Vitality [Ihearttechno Records] / Key Cm, BPM 138, 5:44, MP3 13.91 Mb
Celex - Aquarius [MMDiscos] / Key Bb, BPM 130, 6:29, MP3 15.85 Mb
Celex - Comme ça [MMDiscos] / Key Fm, BPM 115, 4:46, MP3 11.75 Mb
Celex - Leisure [MMDiscos] / Key Dm, BPM 107, 3:35, MP3 8.91 Mb
Celex - Maniac of Palma [MMDiscos] / Key A, BPM 138, 8:19, MP3 20.26 Mb
Celex - Patrick's Cha Cha [MMDiscos] / Key Cm, BPM 119, 5:52, MP3 14.40 Mb
Celex - Tanzen [MMDiscos] / Key Gm, BPM 108, 6:19, MP3 15.47 Mb
Ceri - Ay Papi [Find Your Own Records] / Key Am, BPM 125, 6:10, MP3 14.92 Mb
Ceri - Can't Pay My Bills [Find Your Own Records] / Key Em, BPM 128, 6:34, MP3 15.89 Mb
Chamba Gitano - Bubbles [Eat My Records] / Key E, BPM 131, 2:37, MP3 6.79 Mb
Chanknous - Finding Shells [Deepalma] / Key Bbm, BPM 119, 7:49, MP3 19.14 Mb
Chris Century - Dance (Extended) [Muzisecur] / Key Am, BPM 120, 4:18, MP3 10.49 Mb
Chris Century - Dance [Muzisecur] / Key Am, BPM 89, 4:45, MP3 11.70 Mb
Chris Decay - Call You Mine [Decay Recordings] / Key E, BPM 160, 2:34, MP3 6.33 Mb
Claas Herrmann - Operate [Ushuaia Music] / Key Em, BPM 135, 7:42, MP3 19.05 Mb
Claptone, James Vincent McMorrow - Wake Up feat. James Vincent McMorrow (Riva Starr Extended Remix) [Deepalma] / Key Am, BPM 126, 5:22, MP3 13.26 Mb
Coded Grooves - Circuit Ghost [Softrave Records] / Key Fm, BPM 124, 4:47, MP3 11.80 Mb
Coded Grooves - Fourth Dimension [Softrave Records] / Key D, BPM 127, 4:30, MP3 11.09 Mb
Coded Grooves - Harmonic Overload [Softrave Records] / Key Am, BPM 122, 4:50, MP3 11.91 Mb
Coded Grooves - Techno Tribe [Softrave Records] / Key Dm, BPM 126, 3:46, MP3 9.35 Mb
Coeo - I Can Never Be Yours [Deepalma] / Key Am, BPM 126, 6:21, MP3 15.62 Mb
ColorJaxx - Never Change [Deepalma] / Key Dbm, BPM 124, 5:49, MP3 14.34 Mb
Cristian Marconi - Space On Time [Urban GorillazX] / Key Am, BPM 128, 6:23, MP3 15.49 Mb
DISTRICT070 - Come On In (A Little History) [STORK Recordings] / Key Fm, BPM 122, 5:47, MP3 14.02 Mb
DISTRXCT - Beyond The Horizon [ILLEGALLITY] / Key Gm, BPM 138, 4:00, MP3 9.83 Mb
DJ Deep Noise - Broken On [Big Punch Records] / Key Abm, BPM 138, 5:36, MP3 13.53 Mb
DJ Deep Noise - Evolve over Time [Big Punch Records] / Key Bbm, BPM 138, 6:23, MP3 15.43 Mb
DJ Deep Noise - Infect Injection [Big Punch Records] / Key Bm, BPM 138, 6:23, MP3 15.43 Mb
DJ Kent, Maleh, KingTouch, Andy Keys - Falling (Club Mix) [Way Up Music] / Key Gm, BPM 115, 7:27, MP3 18.11 Mb
DJ Samuel Kimko - Stand Up (Bomba Remix) [Urban GorillazX] / Key Am, BPM 130, 6:06, MP3 14.83 Mb
DJ Wope, Havana Hustlers - Brujita [Savage Disco] / Key Gm, BPM 123, 4:47, MP3 11.72 Mb
DJ Zigzag - Acidcats [Unfizzy] / Key Em, BPM 135, 4:33, MP3 11.19 Mb
DJ Zigzag - Circles [Unfizzy] / Key Bbm, BPM 130, 8:18, MP3 20.20 Mb
Dadop - La Rinascita [Urban GorillazX] / Key Em, BPM 125, 6:36, MP3 16.01 Mb
Daft Hill - Stand Your Ground [Circus Recordings] / Key Gm, BPM 128, 5:23, MP3 13.20 Mb
DaftDice - Let It Be House (Daniel Dash Remix) [Good Vibes Only] / Key Gm, BPM 124, 6:54, MP3 16.81 Mb
Dakar - Free Your Mind [Great Stuff Recordings] / Key Bbm, BPM 126, 7:37, MP3 18.56 Mb
Dan-E, Choose One - New Orleans (Lounge Mix) [Good Vibes Only] / Key Dm, BPM 120, 5:36, MP3 13.70 Mb
Darilli, Cavalli, Pier Giorgio Usai - Drums Of Love [Urban GorillazX] / Key Dm, BPM 128, 5:34, MP3 13.57 Mb
Darmec - Beast [Ushuaia Music] / Key Gm, BPM 127, 7:07, MP3 17.63 Mb
Das Mortal - AWAKE (Instrumental version) [Lisbon Lux Records] / Key Dm, BPM 118, 2:59, MP3 7.62 Mb
Das Mortal - BLVCKCRVFT (Instrumental version) [Lisbon Lux Records] / Key Am, BPM 142, 1:15, MP3 3.45 Mb
Das Mortal - BROKEN (Instrumental version) [Lisbon Lux Records] / Key F#, BPM 150, 3:11, MP3 8.07 Mb
Das Mortal - BURIED (Instrumental version) [Lisbon Lux Records] / Key G, BPM 139, 1:16, MP3 3.47 Mb
Das Mortal - DVRKCRVFT (Instrumental version) [Lisbon Lux Records] / Key Bm, BPM 150, 1:11, MP3 3.26 Mb
Das Mortal - IDÖL (Instrumental version) [Lisbon Lux Records] / Key Am, BPM 122, 3:21, MP3 8.47 Mb
Das Mortal - NOSHAME (Instrumental version) [Lisbon Lux Records] / Key Em, BPM 115, 3:44, MP3 9.38 Mb
Das Mortal - PRESSURE (Instrumental version) [Lisbon Lux Records] / Key F#m, BPM 114, 2:46, MP3 7.08 Mb
Das Mortal - SACRIFICE (Instrumental version) [Lisbon Lux Records] / Key Gm, BPM 155, 3:43, MP3 9.37 Mb
Das Mortal - SOULLESS (Instrumental version) [Lisbon Lux Records] / Key F#m, BPM 131, 3:14, MP3 8.22 Mb
Das Mortal - WASTED (Instrumental version) [Lisbon Lux Records] / Key Cm, BPM 140, 3:00, MP3 7.66 Mb
Dave Aude, Chiara Nova - Bitter Heart (Dave Audé Extended) [Audacious Records] / Key D, BPM 112, 3:49, MP3 9.59 Mb
Dave Aude, Chiara Nova - Bitter Heart (Dave Audé Remix) [Audacious Records] / Key D, BPM 112, 2:37, MP3 6.71 Mb
David Penn - Yeah Yeah [Deepalma] / Key Am, BPM 122, 6:22, MP3 15.67 Mb
David Penn, Bemende - Reachin Out feat. Bemendé [Deepalma] / Key Fm, BPM 124, 5:16, MP3 13.02 Mb
Del Fonda - Astral Projection [Great Stuff Recordings] / Key Ebm, BPM 129, 6:16, MP3 15.30 Mb
DelaDap, Emma Lea, dermitaziach - Boopbabadoboo feat. Emma Lea [Chat Chapeau Nouveau] / Key Fm, BPM 117, 3:11, MP3 7.86 Mb
Delano, Enrique Calvetty - Waterloo (Roby M Rage Remix) [Ushuaia Music] / Key Bm, BPM 131, 6:54, MP3 17.13 Mb
Den J Rose - Rhythm Is A Dancer (Electronic Mix) [Urban GorillazX] / Key Abm, BPM 129, 5:59, MP3 14.56 Mb
Diskull - Sticky Icky (Mizzo Remix) [Groovy Bone] / Key Em, BPM 128, 3:00, MP3 7.43 Mb
Drumheads - Ethnology (Ethno Mix) [Urban GorillazX] / Key Em, BPM 130, 5:43, MP3 13.91 Mb
Dudu Capoeira, Diozo, Erick D'main - Beachlover [History Recordings] / Key Fm, BPM 123, 3:54, MP3 9.58 Mb
Duwayne Motley, Ranky Tanky - Freedom [Deepalma] / Key Em, BPM 121, 4:14, MP3 10.54 Mb
ECHORISE - DANCING IN RIO [Merphi Music Group] / Key Ebm, BPM 130, 1:49, MP3 4.95 Mb
Earth n Days - The Rhythm [Deepalma] / Key Am, BPM 125, 5:09, MP3 12.73 Mb
Ejeca - City Night [Yom Tum] / Key Dbm, BPM 115, 6:14, MP3 15.37 Mb
Ejeca - Contemplation [Yom Tum] / Key Am, BPM 125, 6:35, MP3 16.22 Mb
Ejeca - Jalek [Yom Tum] / Key Dbm, BPM 127, 5:53, MP3 14.54 Mb
Ejeca - Kettle [Yom Tum] / Key Dm, BPM 120, 7:03, MP3 17.33 Mb
Elenne - Lost in the Shuffle [Platonic Zoo] / Key Dm, BPM 123, 2:23, MP3 6.03 Mb
Elenne - Pardon [Platonic Zoo] / Key Abm, BPM 123, 2:32, MP3 6.38 Mb
Elenne, Ariana Celaeno - Bound to Fall [Platonic Zoo] / Key Em, BPM 123, 2:09, MP3 5.48 Mb
Emanuel Paglicci - Touch Me Now [Urban GorillazX] / Key Am, BPM 128, 5:21, MP3 13.02 Mb
Esteban Otoya - Beso [Techaway Limited] / Key Gm, BPM 125, 7:02, MP3 16.97 Mb
Esteban Otoya - Ganja Dub [Techaway Limited] / Key Am, BPM 125, 6:52, MP3 16.57 Mb
Farm House Project - Space in Time (Those Boys 016 Mix) [Good Vibes Only] / Key Bm, BPM 122, 7:42, MP3 18.72 Mb
Fioretti - San Pol [Deepalma] / Key Gm, BPM 124, 7:24, MP3 18.15 Mb
Fleeced - Dancing Synth Machine [Fleeced] / Key Bbm, BPM 145, 5:22, MP3 12.96 Mb
Flowers on Monday - Another Day [Deepalma] / Key Fm, BPM 120, 7:32, MP3 18.46 Mb
Fly, Deep Strips - Dancing Alone [Deep Strips] / Key Em, BPM 117, 5:01, MP3 12.19 Mb
Francesco Foderaro, Pietro Coppola - Tension [Urban GorillazX] / Key Cm, BPM 127, 5:40, MP3 13.80 Mb
G-lati - Bring Back the Beat! [XWaveZ] / Key Fm, BPM 128, 3:45, MP3 9.35 Mb
Gai Barone - Classrooms (Flowing Ambient Reprise) [Patternized Recordings] / Key Am, BPM 160, 7:36, MP3 18.41 Mb
Gai Barone - Classrooms (Flowing Remix) [Patternized Recordings] / Key Am, BPM 122, 7:31, MP3 18.22 Mb
Gai Barone - Classrooms (Gux Jimenez Remix) [Patternized Recordings] / Key Em, BPM 121, 8:29, MP3 20.53 Mb
Gama - Youth [Circus Recordings] / Key Am, BPM 122, 6:35, MP3 16.09 Mb
Geo From Hell - Relax Your Body [Riot Recordings] / Key Cm, BPM 140, 5:31, MP3 13.36 Mb
George Cynnamon - Feeling up and Down [Deepalma] / Key Dm, BPM 123, 5:08, MP3 12.71 Mb
George Makrakis, Daniel Blotox - Kenyszerleszallas (Roentgen Limiter Remix) [Ushuaia Music] / Key Ebm, BPM 130, 6:41, MP3 16.59 Mb
Gigi Fajardo - Conchita [Night Road Music] / Key Gm, BPM 125, 5:40, MP3 13.69 Mb
Gilbert Le Funk - Ananke [Good Vibes Only] / Key Bbm, BPM 124, 9:00, MP3 21.83 Mb
Giometrik - Rwanda [Groovy Bone] / Key Gm, BPM 128, 4:02, MP3 9.91 Mb
Goblin Hulms - No Sweat [Urban GorillazX] / Key F#m, BPM 124, 7:32, MP3 18.27 Mb
Gonnashake - Datura [Black Bore Records] / Key Gm, BPM 140, 5:26, MP3 13.15 Mb
Gorge - Higher (Club Mix) [Deepalma] / Key Cm, BPM 122, 6:04, MP3 14.92 Mb
Green George - For You [Deepalma] / Key Gm, BPM 120, 6:58, MP3 17.11 Mb
Green Point Orchestra - Leo Tramp [Good Vibes Only] / Key Am, BPM 100, 5:59, MP3 14.64 Mb
Hatef Mehraban - Boro Boro [Rebel Musique Records] / Key Am, BPM 117, 3:50, MP3 9.41 Mb
Hollistic - On a Roll [Deepalma] / Key F#m, BPM 123, 4:27, MP3 11.04 Mb
House Anatomy - More Love [History Recordings] / Key Cm, BPM 118, 3:05, MP3 7.61 Mb
House Anatomy - On My Own [History Recordings] / Key Gm, BPM 125, 3:52, MP3 9.50 Mb
Hype Bass - Crazy Florest [Almost Like We Met] / Key Ebm, BPM 124, 4:39, MP3 11.88 Mb
Hype Bass - MMD [Almost Like We Met] / Key Bm, BPM 124, 4:23, MP3 11.26 Mb
Isaia, Angie, Luke Kosman - My Illusion (Luke Cosmas Club Mix) [Urban GorillazX] / Key Fm, BPM 126, 6:02, MP3 14.67 Mb
Itu, BonganiGiveThanks - Black Soul [Good Vibes Only] / Key Cm, BPM 120, 7:50, MP3 19.03 Mb
JB Martinz - Cariño Mio [Circus Recordings] / Key Am, BPM 130, 6:26, MP3 15.71 Mb
Jako Diaz, Zayx, JM GOLDEN - Colorful [1st Strike Deep] / Key Db, BPM 122, 2:41, MP3 7.03 Mb
Jaselle, Nebu Mitte - With You feat. Jaselle (Ian Tosel Extended Remix) [Deepalma] / Key Am, BPM 120, 6:48, MP3 16.70 Mb
Jassouille - Beyond Resurrection [Artifique Records] / Key Bm, BPM 122, 5:48, MP3 14.02 Mb
Jay Caesar - Weakness [Great Stuff Recordings] / Key Gm, BPM 130, 6:26, MP3 15.69 Mb
Jay House, Roberto Pagliaccia - C L A [Aparenzza Music] / Key Dbm, BPM 129, 5:42, MP3 13.94 Mb
Jay House, Roberto Pagliaccia - Stopping [Aparenzza Music] / Key Ebm, BPM 129, 6:12, MP3 15.13 Mb
Jazky - Bumpin [Monofire Records] / Key Fm, BPM 126, 3:49, MP3 9.55 Mb
Jerome Isma-Ae - Purple Haze [Good Vibes Only] / Key Em, BPM 100, 4:02, MP3 9.96 Mb
Jholeyson - Blue Mouse [Circus Recordings] / Key Cm, BPM 128, 5:50, MP3 14.26 Mb
Joey Commandeur - Calling For You [NLM-New Landscape Music] / Key Dm, BPM 128, 4:47, MP3 11.69 Mb
Jonasu - Close My Eyes [Virgin] / Key D, BPM 132, 3:10, MP3 7.74 Mb
Jonathan Ulysses - Count Down (Instrumental Mix) [Ulybug Records] / Key Gm, BPM 128, 5:22, MP3 13.06 Mb
Jonathan Ulysses - Count Down (Vocal Mix) [Ulybug Records] / Key Gm, BPM 128, 5:23, MP3 13.10 Mb
Jonesee - Big Zoon [Reluxe Tech] / Key Gm, BPM 128, 6:45, MP3 16.37 Mb
Jorge Araujo, Ignacio Raalte - French Affair [Good Vibes Only] / Key Bbm, BPM 124, 6:15, MP3 15.23 Mb
Jorge Montia, Alex Pique - This Place [Good Vibes Only] / Key Abm, BPM 125, 6:14, MP3 15.21 Mb
Joseph Christopher - Dancing Little Starr (Extended Bigroom Mix) [Dakota West Recordings] / Key Gm, BPM 126, 7:59, MP3 19.63 Mb
Juba - Come On [Wanda] / Key Em, BPM 126, 6:40, MP3 16.17 Mb
Julien B - Don't Forget [Urban GorillazX] / Key A, BPM 130, 6:56, MP3 16.84 Mb
Juliet Sikora, Flo MRZDK - Splinter In Your Mind [Great Stuff Recordings] / Key Am, BPM 128, 5:18, MP3 12.97 Mb
K3SS - Climb [Krafted Underground] / Key Fm, BPM 128, 5:38, MP3 13.59 Mb
KANTEREIT - change. [KANTEREIT records] / Key Cm, BPM 100, 3:16, MP3 8.27 Mb
KANTEREIT - control. [KANTEREIT records] / Key Fm, BPM 111, 4:17, MP3 10.73 Mb
KXLXER, ECHORISE - CYBER SUETA (SLOWED) [Merphi Music Group] / Key Dbm, BPM 100, 2:38, MP3 6.89 Mb
KXLXER, ECHORISE - CYBER SUETA (SUPER SLOWED & REVERB) [Merphi Music Group] / Key Em, BPM 90, 2:56, MP3 7.59 Mb
Kaidro - Cloud Nine [Boom Records LLC] / Key Am, BPM 123, 4:02, MP3 9.95 Mb
Kareful, yourtears, pale fortress - crazy about u [Liquid Ritual] / Key Ebm, BPM 122, 2:28, MP3 6.20 Mb
Kareful, yourtears, pale fortress - crazy about u (slowed) [Liquid Ritual] / Key Dbm, BPM 109, 2:45, MP3 6.90 Mb
Kareful, yourtears, pale fortress - crazy about u (sped up) [Liquid Ritual] / Key Fm, BPM 135, 2:13, MP3 5.63 Mb
Katrina Woolverton, Val Garay - Bette Davis Eyes [Red Red Records] / Key F, BPM 120, 3:50, MP3 9.36 Mb
Ken Maderick - Breathe [Stashion Digital Music] / Key Abm, BPM 129, 2:33, MP3 6.45 Mb
Kevin Kaldas - MALO [Groovy Bone] / Key Gm, BPM 125, 4:15, MP3 10.44 Mb
Kevin Palacios, Jordan Grace - Bright As You [WM Poland/WMI] / Key B, BPM 110, 3:49, MP3 9.44 Mb
Kevin York - I Like To Party [Circus Recordings] / Key Ebm, BPM 129, 5:58, MP3 14.58 Mb
Key City - Alright [Circus Recordings] / Key Gm, BPM 125, 4:44, MP3 11.65 Mb
Kidd Island - Without You [History Recordings] / Key Abm, BPM 124, 4:13, MP3 10.35 Mb
KingTouch, Andy Keys, Zolile - Crescimiento (Voyage Mix) [Way Up Music] / Key F#m, BPM 113, 8:44, MP3 21.19 Mb
KingTouch, Andy Keys, Kenton Lee - Do 4 Luv (Guitar Mix) [Way Up Music] / Key F#m, BPM 112, 7:00, MP3 17.04 Mb
KingTouch, Andy Keys - Just A Jam (Voyage Mix) [Way Up Music] / Key F#m, BPM 116, 7:27, MP3 18.13 Mb
KingTouch, Andy Keys, Brandon Dhludhlu - Pretty Eyes (Club Mix) [Way Up Music] / Key Cm, BPM 113, 6:49, MP3 16.60 Mb
KingTouch, Andy Keys, Brandon Dhludhlu - Pretty Eyes (Reprise Mix) [Way Up Music] / Key Cm, BPM 113, 6:15, MP3 15.24 Mb
KingTouch, Andy Keys, Mdanana - Smooth Sailor (Voyage Mix) [Way Up Music] / Key Bbm, BPM 115, 7:28, MP3 18.17 Mb
KingTouch, Andy Keys - Wade In The Water (Club Mix) [Way Up Music] / Key Bm, BPM 112, 7:42, MP3 18.70 Mb
KingTouch, Andy Keys - Water (Club Mix) [Way Up Music] / Key Ebm, BPM 112, 7:44, MP3 18.81 Mb
KingTouch, Tee-R, Andy Keys - Bambi' Sandla (Vocal Spin) [Way Up Music] / Key Gm, BPM 118, 6:39, MP3 16.18 Mb
KingTouch, Tee-R, Andy Keys, Brandon Dhludhlu - Driving [All Night] (Club Mix) [Way Up Music] / Key Dm, BPM 115, 7:30, MP3 18.23 Mb
Klod Rights - Indian Coffee [Urban GorillazX] / Key Cm, BPM 128, 7:43, MP3 18.72 Mb
Kolsch, Perry Farrell - I Talk to Water (With Perry Farrell) [Deepalma] / Key Db, BPM 126, 4:57, MP3 12.27 Mb
Kurtz - Last Sunset [Deepalma] / Key Am, BPM 124, 5:12, MP3 12.85 Mb
LIVINGROOMHIFI - Surface of the Past [Good Vibes Only] / Key Bbm, BPM 115, 2:53, MP3 7.17 Mb
LOS BENJØ - Blvck [Candy&Smile Records] / Key Gm, BPM 126, 3:01, MP3 7.51 Mb
Leftwing : Kody - If You Wanna [Deepalma] / Key Ebm, BPM 125, 5:26, MP3 13.44 Mb
Leiver castro, Yei Harden - Boom Boom [Yaunde Music] / Key Bm, BPM 126, 6:36, MP3 16.10 Mb
Levthand, Meines - The Run Runs [Deepalma] / Key Dbm, BPM 123, 7:05, MP3 17.40 Mb
Liquid Fire - Viberxtwo (Sergio Matina & DJ Fader Electronic Mix) [Urban GorillazX] / Key Bb, BPM 127, 9:23, MP3 22.72 Mb
Living Room - Restart 2.0 [Good Vibes Only] / Key Dbm, BPM 140, 2:38, MP3 6.57 Mb
Lootmaster - Partyboat [Good Vibes Only] / Key Am, BPM 166, 3:29, MP3 8.63 Mb
Lootmaster - Pink Fog [Good Vibes Only] / Key F, BPM 75, 5:17, MP3 12.94 Mb
Lorenzo D'Ianni - Kissing My Difference [Urban GorillazX] / Key Bm, BPM 128, 6:51, MP3 16.64 Mb
Lorenzo Lellini - Alight Of Life [Urban GorillazX] / Key C, BPM 128, 6:40, MP3 16.17 Mb
Lorenzo Spano, markyno - Into The Day [Great Stuff Recordings] / Key Am, BPM 128, 6:50, MP3 16.67 Mb
Lounge Ibiza Cafè - Bright Neon Lights (B-Side Version) [Southbeat Music] / Key Dm, BPM 84, 2:02, MP3 4.95 Mb
Lounge Ibiza Cafè - Bright Neon Lights [Southbeat Music] / Key Cm, BPM 154, 2:05, MP3 5.10 Mb
Luca Belladonna - Go [Urban GorillazX] / Key G, BPM 125, 9:54, MP3 23.95 Mb
Luca Bisori - Hollywood & LA [Great Stuff Recordings] / Key G, BPM 125, 6:14, MP3 15.22 Mb
MATT GEE, Cobb Nolan - Chasing Cars (feat. Matt Gee) (VIP Mix) [Can't Stop Productions] / Key Dbm, BPM 128, 2:38, MP3 6.57 Mb
MVRC3LB - Bonnie & Clyde [Dance 4 You] / Key Gm, BPM 133, 2:18, MP3 5.67 Mb
MadRick - Darkness [MadRick Music] / Key Gm, BPM 160, 3:50, MP3 9.33 Mb
Manuel Deep, Walter Fargi - The Funk (Robert Fulton Bass Attack) [Urban GorillazX] / Key Dm, BPM 130, 6:56, MP3 16.81 Mb
Marc Lenz - Rock Nation [Great Stuff Recordings] / Key Fm, BPM 125, 6:45, MP3 16.47 Mb
Marco Zardi - Let Me Believe (LoveForce Remix) [Urban GorillazX] / Key F#m, BPM 128, 5:19, MP3 12.93 Mb
Marko Zalazar, Juan (AR) - Can You Feel [Circus Recordings] / Key Gm, BPM 126, 6:36, MP3 16.12 Mb
Master Dee - To The Sun [Urban GorillazX] / Key Cm, BPM 126, 7:12, MP3 17.46 Mb
Master T - Partenos [Urban GorillazX] / Key Em, BPM 130, 6:43, MP3 16.32 Mb
Matt Beazant - Paint a Picture [Deepalma] / Key Fm, BPM 122, 8:07, MP3 19.87 Mb
Matteo Beta, Federico Paolini - Blackk Mango [Blackk Cat Records] / Key Abm, BPM 126, 6:44, MP3 16.38 Mb
Mechanic Freakz - AA (Atze Ton Remix) [Ushuaia Music] / Key F#m, BPM 130, 6:07, MP3 15.26 Mb
Michael Gray, Tatiana Owens - Invincible [Deepalma] / Key Bbm, BPM 122, 6:21, MP3 15.61 Mb
Micky Quinn - Body [Blindsided] / Key Dbm, BPM 125, 3:01, MP3 7.41 Mb
Micky Quinn - Body [Blindsided] / Key Dbm, BPM 125, 2:34, MP3 6.31 Mb
Miguel Migs, Lisa Shaw - This Melody feat. Lisa Shaw (The Love Vocal) [Deepalma] / Key F#m, BPM 119, 5:59, MP3 14.74 Mb
Mike Gray - Control Me [Wallet Music] / Key F#m, BPM 126, 4:14, MP3 10.37 Mb
Mike Gray - Control Me [Wallet Music] / Key Em, BPM 126, 3:27, MP3 8.49 Mb
MistaMenderes - If You Came to the Party [Reluxe Tech] / Key Am, BPM 130, 5:58, MP3 14.50 Mb
Mollono.Bass, Rodden von Ast, Andy's Echo - Together feat. Andy's Echo (Album Version) [Deepalma] / Key Am, BPM 120, 5:55, MP3 14.59 Mb
Momo Khani, Meindel - Tear Drop [Deepalma] / Key Dm, BPM 124, 6:17, MP3 15.44 Mb
Montano, Sorrenti - Go Beat [Urban GorillazX] / Key Fm, BPM 125, 9:17, MP3 22.46 Mb
Mr Coalman - Biosignature 2 [Deeptakt Records] / Key Abm, BPM 141, 6:02, MP3 14.70 Mb
Mr Coalman - Freikollen [Deeptakt Records] / Key Ebm, BPM 141, 6:43, MP3 16.37 Mb
Mr Coalman - Speak [Deeptakt Records] / Key Bm, BPM 139, 6:35, MP3 16.03 Mb
Mr Coalman - Torogleiv [Deeptakt Records] / Key Fm, BPM 142, 6:25, MP3 15.65 Mb
Mthi Wa Afrika, Zothea Akifa - Confuse My Body [MWA Digital] / Key Bbm, BPM 124, 8:08, MP3 19.88 Mb
Murphy, OUTSHADES - Red Lights [Bass Rebels Recordings] / Key C, BPM 107, 3:20, MP3 8.36 Mb
N.O.B.A - Faktor [Ushuaia Music] / Key Dm, BPM 128, 8:17, MP3 20.44 Mb
N.O.B.A - Make Me Sweat (Vanessa Sukowski Remix) [Ushuaia Music] / Key Cm, BPM 131, 6:06, MP3 15.22 Mb
NVTIX - Ca Bux [Tribal Trap] / Key Dbm, BPM 130, 1:43, MP3 4.72 Mb
Nadine Rush, Butterfly Soul - Back in My Arms Again (Instrumental) [Good Vibes Only] / Key Bm, BPM 126, 4:58, MP3 12.14 Mb
Nebulae Waves - David 223 [Good Vibes Only] / Key Bbm, BPM 116, 3:48, MP3 9.37 Mb
Ni_kar - Reborn [Deep Elite] / Key D, BPM 118, 6:00, MP3 14.76 Mb
Nic Fanciulli, Butch - I Want You [Deepalma] / Key Dbm, BPM 125, 8:30, MP3 20.78 Mb
Nick Curly - Skyfall [Deepalma] / Key Gm, BPM 125, 6:26, MP3 15.82 Mb
Nicky Roland - Deep Blue [Nicky Roland] / Key Bbm, BPM 122, 3:56, MP3 9.80 Mb
Nicolo Simonelli - Shake And Dunk [Great Stuff Recordings] / Key Dm, BPM 130, 5:25, MP3 13.26 Mb
Noise Dogma - Chaos Reigns [Fat Raudo Records] / Key Dbm, BPM 136, 6:29, MP3 15.85 Mb
Noise Dogma - Devil's Anthem [Fat Raudo Records] / Key Dm, BPM 136, 7:00, MP3 17.09 Mb
Nothing But The Beat - Red Panda [Bikini Sounds Rec.] / Key F, BPM 120, 3:00, MP3 7.43 Mb
Nowakowski, Kristianov, Alex Denver - Call me (Kristianov-remix) [House Furia] / Key Ebm, BPM 120, 4:02, MP3 9.83 Mb
Obviousgod, ONIYOKAI - CUTE MEMPHIS [Broke] / Key C, BPM 150, 1:49, MP3 4.83 Mb
Obviousgod, ONIYOKAI - CUTE MEMPHIS (Slowed) [Broke] / Key C, BPM 136, 2:00, MP3 5.27 Mb
Obviousgod, ONIYOKAI - CUTE MEMPHIS (Sped Up) [Broke] / Key C, BPM 170, 1:36, MP3 4.29 Mb
One Way Journey - Karma (Francesco Vega Tech Mix) [Urban GorillazX] / Key Am, BPM 127, 6:41, MP3 16.22 Mb
Ongun Tutuncu - Driven Night [ZImba Records] / Key Gm, BPM 145, 4:30, MP3 11.18 Mb
Oscar Barila, Sebb Junior - In the Jungle [Deepalma] / Key Dbm, BPM 124, 5:04, MP3 12.54 Mb
Pamela Power - Regenbogenland [metropool] / Key Am, BPM 135, 2:56, MP3 7.20 Mb
Parov Stelar - Boy Met Girl [Etage Noir Recordings] / Key Am, BPM 120, 2:55, MP3 7.26 Mb
Path to Peace - Far from Ordinary [Good Vibes Only] / Key Bb, BPM 164, 2:31, MP3 6.30 Mb
Paul Leath - Black Out [El Otro Mundo Recordings] / Key Cm, BPM 130, 8:57, MP3 21.55 Mb
Paul Leath - Black Out (el gato #9 Rework) [El Otro Mundo Recordings] / Key Gm, BPM 130, 8:07, MP3 19.54 Mb
Paul Leath - Negative Space [El Otro Mundo Recordings] / Key Am, BPM 130, 9:10, MP3 22.04 Mb
Pearldiver - Sumatra [Good Vibes Only] / Key F#m, BPM 140, 2:18, MP3 5.78 Mb
R3PRO, EBRUXX - Break n' Sweat [NeverFail Records] / Key Dbm, BPM 145, 3:39, MP3 8.95 Mb
RE-SET - Cold Sequenz [PA.Label] / Key Am, BPM 139, 5:34, MP3 13.65 Mb
RE-SET - Endless Warm [PA.Label] / Key Bb, BPM 96, 6:40, MP3 16.30 Mb
RE-SET - Nobody Speaks [PA.Label] / Key Cm, BPM 140, 5:57, MP3 14.54 Mb
Raul Bryan, Kopelo - Nako feat. Kopelo [Good Vibes Only] / Key Fm, BPM 123, 6:34, MP3 15.98 Mb
Reenday - The Future [Deepalma] / Key Gm, BPM 125, 7:12, MP3 17.66 Mb
Rich Vom Dorf - The Feeling You Give [Deepalma] / Key G, BPM 122, 5:21, MP3 13.22 Mb
Ristore - Challenger [Fuzion Music] / Key Bb, BPM 135, 4:18, MP3 10.50 Mb
Robert Owens, Steve Mac - One Day (Ithurtz Remix) [Jack Said What] / Key Am, BPM 126, 6:29, MP3 16.20 Mb
Robert Owens, Steve Mac, Danny Rampling - The Changes (Sound Klash Dub) [Jack Said What] / Key Abm, BPM 124, 7:58, MP3 19.76 Mb
Robert Owens, Steve Mac - Wish (Bushwacka's Acid Remix) [Jack Said What] / Key Ebm, BPM 125, 8:04, MP3 19.99 Mb
Robert Stahl - Night Queen (Simone Tavazzi Remix) [Ushuaia Music] / Key Abm, BPM 130, 7:03, MP3 17.47 Mb
Robyn Balliet - Bagatelle [Deepalma] / Key Abm, BPM 126, 5:38, MP3 13.91 Mb
Romano, Sapienza - Quiet [Urban GorillazX] / Key Am, BPM 126, 8:10, MP3 19.79 Mb
Roni Iron - Inside My Head [Deepalma] / Key Dm, BPM 120, 5:29, MP3 13.54 Mb
RossAlto - Organic Salsa [Deepalma] / Key Gm, BPM 121, 6:06, MP3 15.02 Mb
Rossini, Ferri - Speak (Progressive House Mix) [Urban GorillazX] / Key Am, BPM 124, 6:47, MP3 16.48 Mb
Row E - Lose Control [Groovy Bone] / Key Dm, BPM 126, 4:57, MP3 12.12 Mb
SEWRREEX - Breaking to My Heart [Relieved Recordings] / Key F#m, BPM 124, 2:49, MP3 7.13 Mb
SEWRREEX - By Your Side [RNC Music] / Key Ebm, BPM 126, 3:11, MP3 7.99 Mb
SONETS DJS - Dark [Techno Cube] / Key F#m, BPM 126, 3:07, MP3 7.64 Mb
STI Project - Dreaming You [History Recordings] / Key F#m, BPM 123, 2:30, MP3 6.22 Mb
STI Project - In The Night [History Recordings] / Key Bbm, BPM 125, 2:57, MP3 7.28 Mb
STI Project - Loose [History Recordings] / Key Em, BPM 124, 4:27, MP3 10.89 Mb
STI Project - Pianotek [History Recordings] / Key Am, BPM 125, 2:53, MP3 7.12 Mb
Sak Chaime - Venom [Urban GorillazX] / Key Fm, BPM 127, 4:55, MP3 11.98 Mb
Sakin Bozkurt - Dark Phoenix [Ushuaia Music] / Key Fm, BPM 127, 7:03, MP3 17.50 Mb
Samuel Miller, SouMix, Bapti - Bound To Fade [ChillYourMind] / Key Am, BPM 122, 2:49, MP3 6.95 Mb
Sante - Hear The Sound [Great Stuff Recordings] / Key Em, BPM 127, 6:56, MP3 16.89 Mb
Sergey Muzarks - Cassiopeia [Timegate] / Key Bbm, BPM 122, 7:28, MP3 18.19 Mb
Sergy Casttle, Ivan L - Wild Sensations [Good Vibes Only] / Key F, BPM 128, 7:35, MP3 18.42 Mb
Seum Dero, Arensky, VALERIIE - Regeneration [TGR Music Group] / Key Fm, BPM 124, 2:41, MP3 6.69 Mb
Seumas Norv - Madman [Urban GorillazX] / Key Dm, BPM 124, 2:54, MP3 7.13 Mb
Shaun Lecram - Dancefloor Fantasy [LVLD Music] / Key Ebm, BPM 125, 3:56, MP3 9.66 Mb
Shaun Lecram - Dancefloor Fantasy [LVLD Music] / Key Ebm, BPM 125, 2:21, MP3 5.88 Mb
Silvertone (US) - I Just Wanna [Groovy Bone] / Key Dm, BPM 128, 4:16, MP3 10.47 Mb
Sola - System Groove [Reluxe Tech] / Key Em, BPM 128, 5:30, MP3 13.37 Mb
Solander - CANDELA [F*cking Sound Inside] / Key Am, BPM 127, 6:07, MP3 15.06 Mb
Solander - SALIMO DE PARTY [F*cking Sound Inside] / Key Cm, BPM 130, 5:25, MP3 13.39 Mb
Solander - VOY A SALIR [F*cking Sound Inside] / Key Fm, BPM 127, 5:02, MP3 12.49 Mb
Soul Taxi - Blurr [Soul Taxi] / Key A, BPM 86, 5:12, MP3 12.81 Mb
Space Native - Come Walk With Me (DC10 Terrace Techno Mix) [MK837] / Key Bm, BPM 125, 6:03, MP3 15.03 Mb
Space Native - Come Walk With Me [MK837] / Key Gm, BPM 124, 5:03, MP3 12.63 Mb
Spirit 5 - Ocean Spray [Good Vibes Only] / Key Bm, BPM 151, 3:08, MP3 7.78 Mb
Squirell - Change Our Way (Instrumental Mix) [Stand Out Recordings] / Key Gm, BPM 126, 6:27, MP3 15.76 Mb
Squirell - Change Our Way (Main Mix) [Stand Out Recordings] / Key Gm, BPM 126, 6:27, MP3 15.76 Mb
Squirell - Change Our Way (Stripped Synth Dub Mix) [Stand Out Recordings] / Key Gm, BPM 126, 6:27, MP3 15.76 Mb
Stars Over Foy - Aliens on Pluto [Good Vibes Only] / Key C, BPM 153, 14:24, MP3 34.83 Mb
Stereolunga - Necronomicon [Urban GorillazX] / Key Abm, BPM 126, 4:51, MP3 11.81 Mb
Steve Aguirre, DJ Lugo, Soco Francis - Solo Por Hoy [Circus Recordings] / Key F#m, BPM 131, 6:50, MP3 16.69 Mb
Steve Mac - Go Bang (Transparent Sound Remix) [Jack Said What] / Key Gm, BPM 132, 5:35, MP3 14.02 Mb
Steve Mac - Jack Said What (Chip E & Redraft Memories Remix) [Jack Said What] / Key Bbm, BPM 126, 6:41, MP3 16.68 Mb
Steve Mac - This Is Acid Mate (Serge Santiago Remix) [Jack Said What] / Key Abm, BPM 120, 6:54, MP3 17.18 Mb
Steve Mac, Alana Maria - The 313 (Redraft Memories Remix) [Jack Said What] / Key Abm, BPM 129, 6:34, MP3 16.42 Mb
Steve Mac, Clementine Douglas, MDMK - My Mind (Une Remix) [Jack Said What] / Key Abm, BPM 122, 7:31, MP3 18.66 Mb
Steve Mac, E Raze - Summer Of Love (Black Octopus Remix) [Jack Said What] / Key Abm, BPM 126, 6:50, MP3 17.03 Mb
Steve Mac, Irvine Welsh - Acid House Guys (Jon Carter Remix) [Jack Said What] / Key Ebm, BPM 125, 6:57, MP3 17.32 Mb
Steve Mac, Irvine Welsh - Hot Monday Girl (Asoy Remix) [Jack Said What] / Key F#m, BPM 125, 6:34, MP3 16.38 Mb
Steve Mac, Marshall Jefferson - Spirit (Horatio Remix) [Jack Said What] / Key C, BPM 130, 6:40, MP3 16.63 Mb
Steve Mac, Sleezy D - Take You There (Jonny Aux Remix) [Jack Said What] / Key Bm, BPM 134, 4:47, MP3 12.10 Mb
Steve Norton - Call My Name [lautlos! tunes] / Key Ebm, BPM 124, 3:38, MP3 8.86 Mb
Sunday Noise, Robertico - Same Thing [Circus Recordings] / Key Bbm, BPM 130, 5:55, MP3 14.45 Mb
Supernova - Get Busy [Great Stuff Recordings] / Key Dm, BPM 129, 6:08, MP3 14.97 Mb
Symon, J Dex - Cin Cin [Fantasia Urbana] / Key Gm, BPM 110, 2:27, MP3 6.21 Mb
T.Markakis - Sensation [Deepalma] / Key E, BPM 122, 6:51, MP3 16.81 Mb
Tapesh, Saintes - Waves [Great Stuff Recordings] / Key Ebm, BPM 127, 7:20, MP3 17.88 Mb
Tarik Kaya, Leanne Lawson - Love in Your Soul [Good Vibes Only] / Key Am, BPM 124, 6:01, MP3 14.68 Mb
Techno Time Machine - In The Dark [Groovy Bone] / Key Am, BPM 131, 4:55, MP3 12.01 Mb
Teenage Bad Girl, Polocorp - California Gang [Cocotte Records] / Key E, BPM 120, 3:56, MP3 9.79 Mb
The Deepshakerz - Reasons feat. Émilie Rachel [Great Stuff Recordings] / Key Am, BPM 126, 6:16, MP3 15.30 Mb
The Hondurian - Da Swing (Extended mix) [Worms Records] / Key Bbm, BPM 128, 4:02, MP3 9.80 Mb
The Peripheries - Colder than your smile [Three Hands Records] / Key Am, BPM 130, 4:19, MP3 10.52 Mb
The Sushi Club - Galaxica [Good Vibes Only] / Key Am, BPM 100, 4:51, MP3 11.91 Mb
Thomas Jam - De-Click [Great Stuff Recordings] / Key Gm, BPM 130, 5:29, MP3 13.41 Mb
Thomas Newson - Hold Em feat. Rion S [Great Stuff Recordings] / Key Abm, BPM 127, 5:49, MP3 14.21 Mb
Tom Tom Club - Love to Love You Baby (Denis Naidanow Mix) [Good Vibes Only] / Key C, BPM 122, 8:30, MP3 20.62 Mb
Toti Cisneros - Mellow Moods [Good Vibes Only] / Key Fm, BPM 72, 2:41, MP3 6.70 Mb
Uwe Thoma - Ace of Blades (Original) [We Have Cookies] / Key Gm, BPM 133, 7:20, MP3 17.97 Mb
Uwe Thoma - Brain Train (Original) [We Have Cookies] / Key Ebm, BPM 130, 4:13, MP3 10.48 Mb
Uwe Thoma - Elevate the Underground (Original) [We Have Cookies] / Key F#m, BPM 131, 4:11, MP3 10.40 Mb
Uwe Thoma - Lost in Rhythm (Original) [We Have Cookies] / Key Abm, BPM 133, 5:36, MP3 13.79 Mb
VDOOVX - Broken Heart [Merphi Music Group] / Key Gm, BPM 120, 1:40, MP3 4.12 Mb
Van Moon - Dalle [FREEDOM REC] / Key Gm, BPM 125, 3:39, MP3 9.35 Mb
Various Artists, Yves Murasca, Rosario Galati - Déepalma Ibiza 2024 (Beach Feelings) [Deepalma] / Key Abm, BPM 120, 1:19:48, MP3 191.89 Mb
Vicente Panach - Bring It Back [SURAW] / Key Bbm, BPM 138, 7:38, MP3 18.62 Mb
Vicente Panach - East Mood [SURAW] / Key Em, BPM 143, 6:33, MP3 16.01 Mb
Vince Vega Manchester - Collider [Redd Recordings] / Key Gm, BPM 125, 4:20, MP3 10.64 Mb
Voguz - Believe [Deepalma] / Key Cm, BPM 123, 6:16, MP3 15.40 Mb
Willy B. - one two, one two (H.O.U.S.E.) [Groovy Bone] / Key Fm, BPM 128, 5:30, MP3 13.43 Mb
Worldtraveller - A Big Life [Good Vibes Only] / Key Bm, BPM 160, 2:31, MP3 6.29 Mb
YSFK - A Future Prediction [Fighting Stars Records] / Key Cm, BPM 132, 6:25, MP3 16.05 Mb
YSFK - Communication Satellites [Fighting Stars Records] / Key Bbm, BPM 130, 7:27, MP3 18.54 Mb
YSFK - Social Studies [Fighting Stars Records] / Key Am, BPM 130, 6:24, MP3 16.02 Mb
YolcuBeats - Dark Light [Rebel Musique Records] / Key Abm, BPM 113, 2:23, MP3 5.87 Mb
You Man - Birdcage [Eskimo Recordings] / Key E, BPM 109, 5:39, MP3 14.11 Mb
You Man - Birdcage (Rigopolar Version) [Eskimo Recordings] / Key E, BPM 105, 6:26, MP3 15.99 Mb
Yves Murasca - All About Housemusic (Dilby Extended Remix) [Deepalma] / Key Fm, BPM 125, 6:47, MP3 16.65 Mb
Yves Murasca - Right On (Augusto Gagliardi Extended Remix) [Deepalma] / Key Bbm, BPM 122, 7:06, MP3 17.41 Mb
Yves Murasca, Nebulae Waves - De Mi Corazón [Deepalma] / Key Fm, BPM 118, 2:23, MP3 6.08 Mb
Yves Murasca, Rosario Galati - Be Sure to Let Go (Sebb Junior Extended Remix) [Deepalma] / Key Cm, BPM 125, 5:57, MP3 14.67 Mb
Yves Murasca, Rosario Galati - Déepalma Ibiza 2024 (Pool Party Grooves) [Deepalma] / Key Am, BPM 123, 1:14:24, MP3 178.95 Mb
Yves Murasca, Rosario Galati - Déepalma Ibiza 2024 (Sunset Moods) [Deepalma] / Key Gm, BPM 122, 1:19:23, MP3 190.88 Mb
Zero Gravity - Burning [HighFiveMusic Records] / Key F#m, BPM 126, 3:21, MP3 8.28 Mb
Zoogy Bless - For Your Love [Groovy Bone] / Key Gm, BPM 124, 5:14, MP3 12.79 Mb
Zsak - Can You Feel It [Deepalma] / Key Am, BPM 126, 5:05, MP3 12.57 Mb
Zsak, Glen Horsborough, Sydney Jo Jackson - Way I Feel feat. Sydney Jo Jackson [Deepalma] / Key Ebm, BPM 125, 5:23, MP3 13.28 Mb
Zulet4 - Bouncy Thing [Latitud 62 Records] / Key Bm, BPM 126, 5:37, MP3 13.73 Mb
Zulet4 - Issue Solved [Latitud 62 Records] / Key Gm, BPM 127, 6:37, MP3 16.13 Mb
IR - Eclipse 24 [Groovy Bone] / Key Am, BPM 132, 5:12, MP3 12.69 Mb
alice.km, Yolanda Mutesasira - Crowded Room [Top Shelf Disco Records] / Key Am, BPM 124, 4:43, MP3 11.61 Mb
girl_irl, Crosstalk - buzz [DMY Recordings] / Key Bm, BPM 123, 2:09, MP3 5.25 Mb
lukayo, LiGe 力哥, Lush Lofi - Moonlit Whispers [Good Vibes Only] / Key Eb, BPM 128, 2:23, MP3 5.96 Mb
nageeb - Born [Egypt Records] / Key Fm, BPM 120, 5:15, MP3 12.87 Mb
​
DOWNLOAD - progonlymusic com

Hi, my name is Jay and I'm currently located in Oklahoma (CST/GMT-6).

PORTFOLIO

With a degree in accounting and roughly a decade of full-time experience managing businesses ranging from startups to publicly traded corporations, not only do I come with a better understanding of your product needs outside of just the code, but I can help you plan your project in a way that makes sense for you or your business, including:

• Tech/idea feasibility and advice
• Time/cost/benefit analysis regarding different approaches
• Product release stages and planning (including which might be necessary)
  • MVP (minimum viable product/proof of concept)
  • beta
  • alpha
  • full release
• All initial discussion and advice comes free of charge. Not a penny is accrued until a contract is signed.

Skills and Experience

I have been programming for 9 years, freelancing for 8, and working full-time as a Software Engineer for 6. All skills listed come from successful professional experience and represent technologies I'm fully comfortable building from scratch and deploying (in no particular order).

• Frameworks
  • React for web
  • React Native and Expo for mobile and web
    • See my most recent expo project here with both web and mobile functionality
  • Native iOS/macOS/Android
  • .NET, both for APIs and Windows applications/automation
  • Microsoft Office applications/automation
  • Classic ASP
• Languages
  • Typescript
  • Javascript
  • Swift
  • C#
  • C++
  • VBA/VBScript
  • PHP
  • Python
• Database Technologies
  
  • SQL
  • MongoDB/NoSql
  • GraphQL
  • Third party solutions like FireBase and AWS
• Previous Project Examples
  
  • iOS/Swift security framework
  • Product/venue revue and rating app/website
  • Movie scene location finder and shot replicator camera image overlay
  • Job tracking and inventory management app/website for moving companies with QR generation, printing, and scanning for boxes
  • Native iOS and Android buy/sell app for luxury watches
  • Social media apps with posts, comments, likes, friends, follows, #hashtags, @user tags, and live chat
  • Native iOS chatroulette/omegle clone
  • Farm harvest tracker with CSV exports
  • Pharmacy price tracker with chat between pharmacists and customers

Work and Availability

I can work with any time zone (located in US Central) and offer both hourly rate contracts and fixed-quote contracts.

• How hourly contracts work $60 USD
  • Higher hourly rates come with higher familiarity of the project technology
  • Fairly simple contract outlining app concept and hourly rate
  • Product and codebase are available to you throughout the project
  • Invoices are sent on a regular schedule
    • Time is tracked online and a detailed report is sent with each invoice
• How fixed/quote-based contracts work
  • More initial conversation/planning required in order to:
    • compile a quote price
    • outline in-depth list of deliverable features on the contract
  • Material scope/feature changes will require contract amendments
  • 3 payments due at start, midpoint/MVP, and completion
    • Product available for testing at milestones, code made available after final payment
• If you have a hard set budget...
  • ...and are comfortable disclosing it, I can work with you on outlining a version of your product that can be properly built within that budget, even if that includes helping you find other vendors more suited for your price range.

Contact Me

You can reach me here on Reddit, through my website, or by email at jay@doan.works