Day in the life of garbage head in full flight from reality. The walls are closing in, act your old age. Day in the life of a garbage head May 30,2024. Wrote this in my notes app:
Thursday second to Last day of May 2024. Using meth, acid, bars, and the occasional perc. enough rock in your system you can hear just about every noise in the universe. Sounds, Everything loud. The end is near. No one left to lie to, act your old age. at this depressing bar. Told dad I’m at an NA meeting. More lies.
Drinking blue moon. 9 dollars in wallet, don’t have enough for a proper drink. Walked over from parking lot, yakked out of my mind at the post office doing a favor for dad.
At restaurant bar now, 6 people here at 8:33 pm on a Thursday. I remember being here with two chicks in high school and it was popping. Two things seen better days: me and this fuckin restaurant.
Putting ice cubes up my nose to ease the meth burn. Forgot my Nasal spray. Im brittle and weak for 31. Air feels like Broken glass. Broken glass and broken vows. 5 straight days on a steady diet of crank, bars, booze, percs but mostly crank. Shelf life on meth is remarkably short.
Meeting L tonight. She wants to fuck. As desperate and depraved as I am. Addict herself. She’s 30 with stuffed animals in her bed? Gotta be trauma. Jesus fuck. This is my life now. Old career, old gf, think about them a lot. Being a garbage head is nothing more than a crazed day job. Rules are BS. So are the people that uphold them.
Im Overamped, let me try not to clog toilet again, get some vitamin C. Could use a 130 Dollar Walgreens run to get me straight: tums, q tips, liquid iv, nasal spray, beard oil, torch lighter, moisturizing oil spray, COQ10
Carmelita hold me tighter

I was quite happy to just be a blissful wandering miner. but no, you cant have an organic exploratory adventure experience. The game leads you by the nose on a railroad quest you can't ignore if you want to get anywhere beyond the starting system. The NPCs are dumber than Pakleds on meth. No one has a hyperdrive until you earn it by following the story, and suddenly everyone has one. and the game still wont let you use it except to in one preset direction. I don't want a base or a frigate, and I don't give a damn about Atlas or whoever might be messing around with the spacetime continuum. I really was hoping I could just bootstrap my way up from nothing. sorry for the rant. I dont even want to hear about expeditions because i'll never be able to participate in any. if anyone can tell me how to level hack this game it would be much appreciated.
live long and prosper.

I don't even know where to start, honestly. Apologies for rambling. A bit of backstory feels necessary to build understanding.
26F, diagnosed with CPTSD (DID), though I have been in therapy for it since I was 12 so I have a rather decent handle on it these days. I am also on the spectrum.
That being said, due to circumstances, I only have a 9th grade education. I moved around a lot, and cut off everyone aside one childhood friend that I have little contact with due to differing lifestyles because everyone else was into severe drug use (small town, middle of nowhere vibes).
Now I'm older. We recently moved across the country, and I'd originally been excited for this fresh start... but it's been two or three years now, and the only person I could maybe call a friend is my new therapist.
I have reached out to new people time, and time, and time again. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I try to be so upfront and honest about desiring a proper friendship... something genuine, not superficial. I don't want friends who only call me up once in a blue moon. I want to experience what it is like to finally share my life with likeminded folks. To laugh, and smile together in photos. To go see a concert with someone. To travel to some cool place together. To share stories, music, life lessons, and genuinely just enjoy eachothers company - a best friend, maybe just one, but preferably a few?
Ive always wondered what it's like to be a part of one of those 'ride or die' groups that takes vacations together... they will give me an in, but in the end, I'm always left behind because they realize I was serious about wanting to be involved in their life. Suddenly that makes me creepy. Because I care enough to remember details they told me about themselves, or I check in too often? I don't know.
To make matters worse, if this group involves men... just, no. They always make it weird. I have been hospitalized three times by new males I tried to befriend since moving here. Women are damn near impossible to even speak to because they turn their nose up at me when they hear I have no IRL friends, as though moving across the country and not wanting to associate with the meth addicts back home isn't a good enough reason.
Don't even get me started on romantic aspects. I beg to take things slow, yet even if they agree, they still get spooked and assume they need to drill it into me that they aren't interested??? Like bro, chill, I said I just want to be friends first. You're the one talking about romance. Not me.
But that's somehow my fault.
I'm just... I'm so sick of everyone leaving because they can't handle that I behave exactly the way I told them that I would. I don't mind my own company, but Jesus, man, it gets fucking old. I was already isolated before this due to my primary abusers. I thought I was finally out. I thought I was free.
It's like I'm stuck in this shadow of being considered unworthy of anyone's grace unless they seek to harm me. It makes me want to sob in the kind of way that makes your throat hurt, yet I know that won't solve anything.
The worst part is knowing those who simply vanish all assume they are doing no harm, because it's not their problem, and I'll make friends with the next one.
So the cycle repeats, and the years tick by.
I noticed I am getting crows feet. I'm not getting any younger. I've wasted my twenties, hoping to spend them with friends who never showed up.
I don't even know what 20 year old 'women' are supposed to do for fun, now.
It hurts so fucking bad.

This post is going to be sensitive, for adults only, kind of sexual/explicit. It's on the subject of prostitution
I remembered something that happened before. I was at The University of Florida (UF) living in these apartments called "Lionsgate", located at https://maps.app.goo.gl/ahzp4QfYn6Qef7NE8 . I lived on the second floor, up the stairs.
I was maybe 20 years old at the time. Anyway, by this point in my life I had sex multiple times, but it was all in face-to-face missionary position. I never had sex in doggy style, but when I came from masturbating to porn, I watched doggy style, so I wanted to try doggy style. I remember thinking that if I ever met the woman I wanted to marry and had sex with her, I wanted to be good in bed and be able to do multiple different positions, including doggy style. I wanted to be "sexually experienced".
Anyway, it's not like I could walk up to random strangers and say "Excuse me miss, I have never had sex in the doggy style position and would like to learn. Could you teach me?", so I decided to hire a prostitute for that purpose. I went to the website Backpage.com , https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Backpage , and I looked through the "Adult Services" section. It was straight up fully naked women in doggy style position with their pussies pointing directly at the camera and a dollar amount underneath. It was VERY explicit. Too explicit for me, to be honest.
Anyway, I looked around until I found an ad where I could see her face. A lot of the women, you couldn't see their face at all, or their face was blacked out or blurred out. I found one where I could see her face. Her prostitute name was "Sexy Sacha" and I found her face attractive. Her face had facial features that were different from my face, which I like (for example my eyes are close together, my upper lip is low, and my nose is big and I like women whose face is the opposite). Anyway, I liked her face and her smile and she was older (maybe a little too much older but it was okay, I wasn't going to introduce her to my mom as my wife, so it's fine). But yeah, it was just going to be a "one night stand" and I liked "MILF" (Mother I'd Like to Fuck) porn, so for one night the fact that she was like 15 years older than me was okay. I decided to hire her, "Sexy Sacha". She could be like "Stacy's Mom", like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZLfasMPOU4 .
I called her and we were to meet at the parking lot of a Denny's in my vehicle, my Dad's silver 2002 BMW X5 SUV, it looked like this: https://momentcar.com/images/bmw-x5-2002-5.jpg . I was so nervous. She appeared in my car window and I was like "OMG, are you police?" and she was like "OMG, are you police?" and then we both laughed like "No, you're not police, cool". She thought I was a male virgin who wanted to lose my virginity and I was like "No, I'm not a virgin (I hate that word, losing your virginity doesn't change anything), but I have something I want to learn". I drove her from this Denny's (the breakfast place) to my apartment, "Lionsgate", located at https://maps.app.goo.gl/ahzp4QfYn6Qef7NE8 . I wore a bright red button-up long sleeve shirt because I thought that would draw attention to me and make me look sexy to her. On the phone I told her to dress normal, not like a stereotypical prostitute, so she just wore mildly tight blue jeans and maybe a white blouse and women's shoes with like a 1 inch high heel on the back and open toes. Attractive but not looking like a prostitute. I let her walk up the stairs in front of me and I looked at her butt in these blue jeans from behind.
Anyway, I remember us walking up the stairs to my apartment at Lionsgate. I kinda held the door open for her and let her go first, like I would do for any lady. She went in my apartment. Beforehand I stopped at an ATM on the University of Florida campus and withdrew a $100 bill in cash to give to her. I had the $100 bill in my pocket. This was in like year 2013 and at this time a cheap prostitute costed $100, nowadays a cheap prostitute is like $200 or $300 with inflation. She was in my bedroom and I wanted to go to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, but I was afraid she was going to steal something, so I was like "I am going to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, please don't steal anything".
Anyway, I come back and I'm like "Here is the $100 bill I got for the 1 hour of sex, I will be setting a timer and the timer starts now (I don't remember the time, maybe it's midnight). I start making out with her in my bed. Tongue in mouth. Clothes come off. At one point she's standing up on her knees naked and I reach my hand forward to touch and rub her clitoris with my fingers and she's like "don't touch/rub my clitoris". I'm like "fine". Eventually we get to the doggy style. She gets in the position (on hands and knees, backed arched). I have trouble. Her vagina is kind of horizontal and my penis is very hard and has a lot of curve to it and sort of curves back into my belly button. I try to insert it but the angle is wrong and it bends my penis in a sort of painful way and I almost cry and also I cum right away.
I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to masturbate a few hours before seeing a prostitute so that I last longer, but I chose not to masturbate, so I came fast. Anyway, after I came I was like "Hey, there is 40 minutes left on the timer out of the 60 minutes that I paid for, can I take a quick break and then do round two?" and she was like "No, it's $100 a pop" and I was like "But the ad said $100 for 60 minutes and it's only been 20 minutes" and she crossed her arms and went "No". I went "Fine". I gave her the $100 before the sex, not after (I sometimes do something similar with waitresses where I ask them to bring me the bill right away instead of after I finish eating).
Anyway, we go to the parking lot of Lionsgate apartments and she's like "Hey, my car broke down at Denny's, I need a ride to my next client for the night". I'm like "Fine, I'll drive you". We talk in the car. She mentions that she has a young son and he's an honors student in kindergarten or preschool or something like that. She said she was surprised her son is so smart. I ask her if she has a pimp and she responds "No". I also ask her if she's addicted to drugs and she responds "Yeah, meth". It was sad. Her next client was a married man. I said something about how I don't want to hire a prostitute again and how I think men who do so regularly are fucked up. She defended men such as her married client who I was driving her to. I thought she had sort of Stockholm Syndrome ( https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome ), defending and almost seeming to sort of love this married man who hires a drug addicted prostitute regularly. Anyway, at the end of the car ride I drop her off at this guy's house and she leaves.
The next morning I wake up thinking about her. I kind of have a crush on her now and I want to call her (I asked for her real name, not her prostitute name, and she told it to me but I forgot it by now) and I want to ask her to go on a date with me, like maybe an ice hockey event or a rock music concert. Not for money, like a real date, like the way you would ask a girl in your school out on a date and just pay for the tickets. Like a dating couples date. I hold back from calling her and asking her on a date and just sort of cry internally. That was the last time I ever had sex with a prostitute.
But yeah, by that point I got kind of attached and it hurt.
I'm not a fan of prostitution.
Marriage is sort of like prostitution, but there is only one client and only one provider. I think the polyamous ["poly-fuck-arus" in her words) porn star Stoya once said something like "A wife is a prostitute with only one client".
But yeah, the state, the government, wants people to get married and provide for their wives and have kids with their wives, not hire prostitutes.

Regret
Written by me
Trigger warning: violent and graphic imagery and mature language.
She lied there in regret. The knot in the pit of her stomach clenched tightly when she turned over to see the man she had just slept with lying next to her, he was sprawled out, the thin sheet barely covering his naked, hairy body, made her even sicker to her stomach he was sporting a very obvious erection which he felt the need to fumble with while slowly making his way into full consciousness.
Must've nodded off at some point.
" Hey beautiful." his voice was a groggy rasp, his words a bit slurred. He gave a slight wink and half a smirk.
" Hey," She got up off the bed and made her way to the bathroom, she turned the faucet on and let it run for a bit before splashing cold water onto her face, hoping it would help her shake off some of this lingering daze.
For an instant she tried rationalizing all the decisions she made that led her here; ending up in this beat-up motel, with another strange man in the next room. The scent of cigarette smoke and copious amounts of bad cologne permeated the air.
Did he fucking bathe in it?
The bathroom paint was chipping off the wall, the deeply stained toilet sitting in the corner of the bathroom and the taste of rust from the faucet hung on her lips, all contributed to the knotted stomach feeling she had. She wasn't drunk, she wasn't even buzzed. At the very least he wasn't ugly. They talked for about an hour about different things; varying topics, how he swore that The Kinks were superior to The Beatles and The Stones. How there wasn't any definitive proof that Neil Armstrong ever made it to the moon and it was all an elaborate hoax. She'd have to admit that for a good portion of the night, most of what he had to say was sort of interesting, up until he had managed to throw back three 22 oz bottles of Double Deuce, from that point on everything he'd had to say was pretty much incoherent. But he owned a pretty nice car.
Oh yeah, the car no shit the car.
" You up for round two sexy? We got the rest of the night. Unless you got somewhere better to be?" He hollered from the other room eagerly.
"I think I'm gonna head over to Gary's Gas N Go, it's just across the road, I'm gonna pick myself up some cigs, I'm on my last one, you want anything?" She slipped on her leather jacket, leaning over and arching her back as she carefully slid into her tight, acid-washed jeans. She turned her head catching his eyes tracing her body from bottom to top.
" Can you get me a 16-ouncer? Worked up a thirst." He chuckled still lying on the bed naked. He was more attractive without his thick-framed glasses. Wide smile; all pearly whites, a little scruffy, with a sort of boy next door quality about him.
Could've been a better lay though.
" Sure thing Mikey," she said playfully, blowing him a kiss. She walked out the door.
"Room twenty-four." she recited to herself trying to remember the room number. She pulled out her last cigarette, lit it, took a puff, and went down the stairs toward the practically vacant parking lot.
I should quit these.
She had promised herself 2 months back she would finally quit.
Oh well. What's the point now?
She took another puff. The sky was barren, not a single star, the gravel underneath her boots made a loud crunch, each step helping to snap her out of her stubborn daze. She looked up the road for oncoming cars but there were none.
Weird.
She began crossing, contemplating her next move.
Get cigarettes, give him one last good fuck and he'd be out for good than ditch the son of a bitch.
She twirled a pair of car keys in her fingers, she had managed to slip them into her jacket pocket while he was distracted perving on her while she changed. It was easy enough.
Mike was a nice guy, she'd slept with her share of assholes, either way, it always ended the same with her feeling that same knot in the pit of her stomach. The feeling of disgust never really seemed to diminish no matter how many times she had been in this situation. But in the long run, it was worth it, it beat scrounging for bus fare on a street corner.
Begging. She hated begging. The look people gave her as they walked passed her on the streets. The judgment in their eyes.
No. Not any more or ever again.
Since the age of seventeen, she'd been on the road, having to use whatever she had to do to survive. Hitchhiking from town to town, state to state. Doing whatever she had to do to eat or to find a place to spend the night. Anything.
You'd think I'd be used to this by now.
She'd also managed to swipe his wallet, she rifled through it fishing out a pair of twenties.
Cash and a car are perfect I'll be out of this little nowhere town by early morning.
She reached the other side of the road. She made her way over to the light post near the fill-up station out front of the Gas n Go and stood there for a moment, she took a deep breath, the air was frigid, and a strong breeze was starting to pick up. She finished off her cigarette, flicked the butt, pulled her jacket in closer, and walked toward the convenience store.
She pushed the front door open, setting off the overhanging bell. She made her way to the cold drinks section in the back of the store and pulled out two 16 oz. cans.
Guess he isn't the only one who worked up a thirst.
Suddenly, she heard something. A faint noise. Softly at first but it seemed to get louder. Then it stopped and started again.
There it was again, that sound. It was moving in a rhythmic motion.
Thud...thud...thud thud
The noise was muffled and sounded wet. Like a rock being plunged into a shallow puddle repeatedly.
She turned her head toward the front counter on the other side of the store.
Thud...thud...thud thud
Her heart was racing almost in sync with the noise.
Her back straightened.
She inhaled deeply.
Walking slowly with careful steps, making her way toward it. The closer she got she began to feel the hair on the back of her neck stand.
She moved in closer.
What is that?
Something's not right
Bad something bad

Her words were shaky, she peered over the counter. "Hello? Who's there?" A chill went down her spine. She was frozen, her mouth gaping. Her heart sank.
Red
Red
Red all over
It was sprawled out all over the floor, blood everywhere, a person, a body. A body was lying there on the floor. Gushing, red mush where a head should've been.
Should be.
A figure in a tattered grey hoodie, dripping, covered in it leaning over the body.
The hooded figure lifted the cement block over its head and down with another wet thud. The mush exploded into red mist, splattering all over the counter and onto her face.
Blood
Brains all over me
Oh my god!!!!
They craned their head in her direction.

It was a man. He smiled at her. It was a twisted grin; his face was covered in blood, eyes focused, demented, possessed. He dropped the block to the floor and stood up, his head almost touching the ceiling, revealing a large hunting knife clasped in his hand.
Run
Now!!!!
She dropped both drinks, shattering as they hit the floor, and ran through the door, she was immediately hit by a wall of cold air, it knocked her off balance for a second. She fumbled to get her footing, she reached the light post. She could hear a manic, shrieking laughter through the howling wind and footsteps moving directly behind her. She turned her head back, he was coming in fast, and his laughter grew closer.
She ran as fast as her legs would let her, her heart pounding, cold sweat running down her face, her lungs were on fire, and the cold wind made it hard to catch her breath. Every inhale the cold air felt like shards of ice cutting away at her throat.
" Help Me, Someone!!!! ANYONE!!!! PLEASE!!!!" it was pointless, there was no one.
No one to help

She made it across the road and toward the motel parking lot.
The car I have the keys I can go maybe
No go to the room lock door maybe Call the cops
She ran up the stairs, stumbling on the top step, frantically reaching for the side rails to pull herself up, she made it to her her feet.
18...
19...
20...
21...
22...
23...
She reached the bedroom door and began beating at the door with her fists.
" Open up!! Open up!!! Hurry!!! Open!!!" she screamed, her voice breaking.
" Coming." she heard a muffled voice from the other side of the door.
He's not gonna open fast enough
I'm going to die
" Open Up!!" MIKE!! OPEN UP!!" she banged at the door desperately. Hot tears streamed down her cold face.
She could hear the footsteps trailing up the stairs, faster, with even more haste.
Thud thud thud thud thud thud
Was that her heartbeat or the footsteps, she couldn't differentiate anymore.
He's coming
He's gonna kill me now
I don't want to die
Please god
The door swung open, and she threw herself inside, slamming the door behind her and latching it shut. She collapsed to the carpet, heaving and sobbing hysterically.
" What the fuck is going on? " He stood there looking down at her, she sat curled up in an almost fetal-like position.
"You're gonna wake up the meth heads next door." he chuckled walking back to the bathroom. " You have seen my pants?" he asked playfully.
" We have to call the cops!" She finally managed to compose herself.
" I know convenience store's drink prices are a total rip." He snickered. Still not understanding the severity of the situation.
" I'm serious some sick fucking psycho killed the cashier at the Gas N' Go! He chased me back here!!!" she became shouting hysterically.
" What the fuck are you serious?" his tone changed, she was being serious.
She ran for the bed stand and reached for the phone. He pushed the curtains to the side and tried looking out onto the balcony.
" I don't see anyone." he tried trying to reassure her.
" Hello? Yes? I need the police! Now! Her voice was breaking, snot began running down from her nose.
At the mention of the cops, he rushed to grab his pants that were laying on the floor, as he pulled the up noticed his wallet and keys were missing.
He turned and looked at her." Where the hell are my keys?!?" sudden realization washed over him." What game are you playing?!" His voice was heavy, he scowled at her. " Where are my keys and wallet?" he walked over, heavy-footed toward her, took the phone from out of her hand, and slammed it back down on its receiver. She just sat there. She couldn't think of a thing to say. She had been caught.
" Give them to me! My keys and wallet. Now!" he walked pulled open the drawer of the nightstand and pull out a pistol. He gestured with the gun. "Had a feeling I'd need this. You thieving whore."
" Please you don't understand-" Her bottom lip quivered, she complied, and she handed over the keys and wallet, trying to stifle her sobbing.
" Please, Mike." She pleaded. "just...don't open the door." she begged, her eyes swollen with tears.
He put the keys into his pocket and slipped the wallet into his back pocket, he then proceeded to throw on his jacket, cocked the pistol, and walked toward the door. He unlocked it and turned the doorknob.
" Crazy, thieving bitch." He turned to say before pushing the room door open.
A knife pierced the right side of his face making him stumble backward. The hooded figure lunged at him swinging his knife like a maniac, landing several deep strikes. She sat there on the bed horrified, watching, helplessly. The struggle was brought to an abrupt end with the knife being plunged into Mike's neck, blood pulsating and squirting like some twisted fountain.
Dead
He's dead
I'm next
Mike lay there in a pool his blood, choking. Until he stopped moving completely. The hooded man just lay on top of him, howling with laughter, savagely stabbing away at the corpse with such glee on his face.
this sick bastard!
For a moment her fear was replaced with rage, bubbling rage.
he's loving this he's gonna kill me and laugh just like that when he's done.
No.
It was then that she noticed the gun within reach, it had fallen near the foot of the bed in the struggle. She suddenly noticed the keys were about the same parallel distance from the gun just on the other side of the room. Do I grab the gun or run for the keys? Can I make it to the car? Or should I go for the gun? Can I reach it in time? What if it's not even loaded? So many things rushed through her head. So many possible scenarios? Only two outcomes. So much could go wrong. So little could go right. But what remained was this Either I'm gonna die crying or I'm gonna die fighting.
Fight.
With that she sprung forward from the bed diving for the gun, which was met by a searing pain, as the knife plunged into her right hand, pinning it to the floor. She let off a blood-curdling scream which was then muffled by a grimy, blood-covered hand as the knife was torn from her hand and she was lifted into the air, then flung onto the bed. She cradled her injured hand close to her body, sobbing in pain. He gave her that psychotic grin. She tried using her legs to push herself further up the bed and against the bed frame could, trying to keep distance between them.
He crept onto the bed slowly, never letting go of his unsettling gaze. Until he was only inches away. Her body was trembling, she could feel his hot breath on her face, it smelled rusty like dried blood, she could taste it on her lips. His eyes were a pasty yellow, bloodshot, piercing. His lips were broken and torn, all their pigment was gone. His smile widened, showing his broken, jagged teeth. His breath got heavier and heavier. She couldn't take it anymore it felt like an eternity, and she just wanted it to end.
"Just get it over with! You have me where you want me!" she yelled at him in a sobbing scornful voice.
His arm rose into the air, knife clasped in hand, and then suddenly...
It came down, hilt tilted forward. She just stared at it in bewilderment, shifting her eyes to the knife and back at him and back again.
He leaned in close to her ear and spoke one word.
Regret.
End

I’m going to use fake names in this.
I 22F met Josh 27M when I was 13 years old. To make it simple I’m aware he groomed me , but it doesn’t change the fact of how my feelings feel.
We met on Facebook because we had mutual friends. We texted everyday and night. We started dating, with my mother’s approval. I loved him, but our relationship was so toxic , on and off again for years. When I was 14, I locked myself in the bathroom of my friends house because he was high on acid calling me repeatedly screaming through the phone how much he loved me. I was 14 getting nose bleeds from stress. When I was 16 he got another woman pregnant, and that’s when I ended it for “good” or so I thought. I tried to stay friends with him, but then I met my now husband James 24M. Josh hated James and vise versa. I cut ties with Josh after he said James was the “great value version” of him.
Josh was addicted to drugs our whole relationship and friendship. Off and on. When I was 20 Josh started to date my older sister for a little while. My sister is 10 years older than me. They broke up and about 6 months later my sister Overdosed and Died. I seen Josh at her memorial. He started texting me of memories of my sister.
About 3 months later my husband and I split up because of relationship issues we had been battling for a year. I moved in with my at the time, best friend Alisha 23F. I rebounded with Josh. We were together for a month and a half, and during that month he wrecked my car, sold meth out of my car. Cheated on me, threatened me with a gun. He sexually assaulted me while I was drunk, and was just over all toxic and abusive. Alisha watched us having screaming matches and me throwing my phone against a wall. She had brought a gun one time to pick me up because she was scared of him.
Fast forward and my husband and I reunited. We are doing great. My friend Alisha got jealous of mine and my husband being back together because that meant I had less time to hang out with her. so she texted Josh and asked him to make it look like over text that I was cheating on my husband with him, and tried to break us up. When that failed, she decided to sleep with Josh instead to make me upset. Well I guess they fell in love and they’ve been together for a year. Now he’s been telling Alisha’s cousin that he’s thinking about leaving her and he doesn’t know what to do. He’s been clean for the whole year, she’s helped him get on his own two feet, and has supported him going back to school to get his GED. she’s asking me for advice about his behavior, and I don’t know what to tell her because I don’t remember what Josh was like when he was sober. I don’t miss Josh, and I’m in a way better place without him. but I get angry because after years of bullshit he gets clean while with her and I get abused. Alisha told me it was because I didn’t put my foot down and make him get sober, but I already learned from my sister that you can’t make someone get sober. I only still talk to Alisha because she’s my boss at my job, because she hurt me beyond more than I can handle, but it’s wild to me to have known his man for almost 10 years. And not really know him at all because he wasn’t ever sober.
I’m not sure what to tell her.

They remind me of severe alcoholics too, that can’t live without booze to function. It’s uncanny, the only difference one is more socially upheld and allowed and is more “noble”. It’s like they are trying to normalize drug addictions in society, when we know drugs cause dependency and destroy the body from the inside out with side effects. That’s the truth. They are no different from people who love smoking cigarettes to get a buzz to relax, smoking weed to get high, people who do meth, people who snort blow cocaine up their nose to get electric/hyped/energized , people who abuse stimulants to perform better at school or at their jobs, people who do shrooms to get feel good chemicals and to do ego death, people who do DMT, sex addicts who fuck a lot cause it feels good, people who do ayashuasca in a mountain trip with natives and who do LSD. It’s like the same shit different paint job. The only difference also is they are dishonest about their intentions by calling it a medication and not a drug addiction enabling process. I would hate them less if they lied less, nothing wrong with being honest and upfront with your intentions, goals, and agenda. Their marketing and advertisement is just gross dishonest disingenuous and is bizarre to say the least. They just want to be something they are not, they are frauds and liars and charlatans virtue signalers. The double standard is real, cause they look down upon on other addicts but use pharma drugs to feel good and to cope with harsh reality and the truth about this unfair world. Why do they lie so much? It’s pathological. They never admit their own faults. The narcissism is real. Heroin and cocaine used to be literal prescribed psych meds back then in the 19th century for their patients. Look it up. This old dog doesn’t know new tricks. They are legal drug dealers. Street drugs are better tho at least you feel good and alive on them, instead of a brain dead corpse with permanent disabilities sometimes. I don’t understand how nobody sees this as wrong as crossing a line a boundary or immoral unethical?! They are trying to create vices and addictions in society for profit, same way street drug dealers work hustle culture, sell a poison to make a buck.

I had such an amazing response to my last story, that I'm scared shitless on writing this follow up, but I think there is so much to say on what I perceive would have been a wonderful relationship between Kate and Rick, and how they would have been amazing parents. His strengths were Kate's weakness, and her strengths were his weakness, together they formed an impenetrable bond. By the way, don't hate me when you get to the newspaper articles. I don't know bat shit about any of that stuff, I was just winging it to give you an idea of what Lilly was reading.
This story is long, but I didn't want to break this up into bits and lose the continuity. My hope is you like it as well as you did the last. Again, as always thanks for reading my dribbles!
Rick and Kate had just returned from an amazing vacation to a tropical island about an hour ago. As much fun as they had, it was nice to be back. They readily admitted to missing their kids like crazy.
Kate turned to look at her husband, "You know what I found out while we were on the island"?
Castle smiled and said, "That you love me even more than you already did or is it that you secretly loved it when I chased you around with your underwear on my head".
"God, you're such a goofball. No, it's what I discovered. I found out that making love on a beach lends itself to having sand crawl up into places, that shall we say sand should never enter. I swear I still feel some granules in between my butt cheeks".
Castle roared with laughter, "Well my dear Wife, you see these nimble fingers of mine (As he wiggled them in front of her) I'll have you know that these fingers are more than willing and ready for Operation: Butt Crack Sand Removal.
Kate frowned at him and replied, "Yeah Babe, that's not going to happen. I'm fully capable of removing the sand on my own thank you very much! However, I'm going to grab a glass of wine and decompress in the tub". As she sauntered away, she looked over her shoulder and sing songed, "I'm going to put bubbles in there, so I wouldn't mind the company from a ruggedly handsome author, if he so chooses to join me".
"Try and stop me," Castle laughed. "Honey, I see there's a text from Alexis, I'm going to make a quick call and I'll be right in. I think she's bringing the kids back tomorrow afternoon".
"Okay, I'll be waiting", she sang out.
xxxx
He dialed his oldest daughter, and she answered on the first ring. "Hi Dad, have a nice time"? Alexis stammered.
Castle sensing something in his daughter's tone said, "Great Pumpkin, now do you want to tell me what's wrong"?
He heard his daughter sigh, and then she said, "Dad, I think I really messed up yesterday".
"Tell me what happened Baby Bird". Alexis went on to explain that Lanie, David (Alexis's husband of 5 years), and her, had been drinking and they had taken the old new paper articles out of his safe. The unabridged versions of what really happened on many of their cases. Alexis said that after that, they just staggered off to bed, forgetting about the clippings
Lilly had gotten up bright and early and rousted the boys so she could make them breakfast. Lilly had gone into the kitchen, but then heard James and Royce screaming for her to come and see what they had discovered, and there in all their glory were newspaper clippings and articles splashed all over the cocktail table. Lilly reached for one, as the article blared:
Headline: "Largest Serial Killer found in U.S. History".
Reading the article Lilly saw: Cadaver dog's late Friday afternoon, have uncovered at least 30 bodies buried in rural N.Y. on the property of one Dr. Van Holtzman. Dr. Van Holtman: Family man with a wife and 3 kids was shot in self-defense by Police Consultant and Novelist Richard Castle and his crime fighting wife Detective Kathrine Beckett Castle. Story still unfolding. Lilly dropped that article and picked up another one.
Another Headline Blared: "Shooting at Police Funeral"
Detective Kate Beckett of the 12th precinct was shot today while giving a speech for recently deceased Captain Roy Montgomery. Have also heard that Novelist Richard Castle and partner of Detective Beckett dove in attempt to save the detective's life.
Lilly's hands started to shake, as she let that clipping fall from her hands. Not wanting to, but unable to control herself, she picked up another.
Headline: "Last minute Rescue Avoids Casualties"
The Ledger yesterday found out that bomb squads were called to an apartment building. A perimeter was established with a blockade that was set up to push people back 3 city blocks. This paper has learned that Detective Kate Beckett of the 12th precinct had been standing on a live bomb for hours. Inside sources confirm that the bomb was time sensitive. Apparently, time had dwindled down to seconds. Novelist, Richard Castle and rumored love interest of Detective Beckett, and against all orders of the police and bomb squad refused to leave his partner's side.... What is it about these two. Inquiring minds want to know.
Lilly felt a tear trickle down her cheek as she picked up another.
Headline: "Notorious Serial Killer 3XK aka Jerry Tyson Reign of Terror Over"?
Lilly read: Search teams were out early Friday morning looking for the body of known serial killer Jerry Tyson. Tyson also known as 3XK is presumed dead as rumors swirl of his being shot multiple times and plummeting 100 ft. to his Icey death. He was shot by Novelist Richard Castle and his crime fighting partner Det. Kate Beckett. These two are becoming NY's best crime fighting couple.
The articles were endless, one after another of newspaper articles of death-defying moments in her parent's lives. Then Lilly cast her eyes down on one more and her heart broke:
Headline: "Senator William Bracken Arrested At News Conference".
Article read: Earlier today at a major press conference to announce his run for the presidency of the United States, Senator William Bracken was arrested on 5 counts of Extorsion, Blackmail, and the murder of multiple people including the death of Johanna Beckett, the mother of arresting officer, Detective Kate Beckett. As Bracken was put into police custody, Detective Beckett was seen with her arms around her fiancée, Novelist Richard Castle. Knowing these two, this reporter is laying bets that both of them had a hand in the take down of Bracken.
Lilly had read enough, as tears streaked her eyes, and as her brothers were running around yelling in joy, Lilly grabbed her headphones and walked outside into the sunshine, never making her brothers breakfast. Her heart ached for her parents, her amazing parents. As she walked along the beach and let the sun wash over her face, she knew that a sit down to discuss this was coming, but she wasn't sure she wanted to know.
xxxx
"Dad I'm so sorry", his eldest daughter sobbed.
"Pumpkin, settle down, it's all right sweetie pie, I'll figure out something. My fault for keeping the damn things. How are the kids"?
Alexis calming down a little said, "The boys are running around like they're on meth, screaming that their parents are superheroes, but Lilly has been really quiet. Shes been sitting out near the water with her headphones on.
Castle scratching his 2-day old stubble said, "Okay...Okay, I'll go talk to Kate. We'll figure something out. Bring the kids back just before dinner. That way we can eat first before addressing the big elephant in the room, also Alexis, I want you to make sure that Flower has suntan lotion on, she never pays attention, I don't want her to get sunburned".
Alexis laughed and said, "I won't let anything happen to your baby girl Dad. See you tomorrow around 4. Love you, Dad. I'm so sorry".
"Love you too Baby bird, and my first-born baby girl". Castle laughed, "See you tomorrow Pumpkin".
xxxx
Castle went and grabbed a glass of wine and went into the bathroom. Kate watched him enter, as her husband took off his clothes. "Like what you see Mrs. Castle"
Kate replied while biting her bottom lip "Oh yeah, definitely. Nothing like a fine-looking naked man getting into my bathtub, don't tell my husband".
Castle smiled and said, " He sounds like a scoundrel and a cad. We'll have to keep this illicit affair our little secret my love".
Kate looked at her husband, and from her being around him for the past 25 years as partner, lover and wife, she always knew when something was off. "Alright Babe, what's wrong. Spill it"
Castle heaved a big sigh and said, "Lanie, David and Alexis went into the safe and took out our newspaper clippings, then they got tipsy and went to bed without putting them away".
Kate sat up straight slightly spilling her wine in the water, "Oh, shit...shit!... shit!... How bad is it"?
Castle replied, "Well the boys think we should be wearing capes and are running around like crazed little demon children. Flower, however, might not be taking the news so well. I have Alexis bringing the kids over late afternoon tomorrow. I thought we could have a talk after dinner...Honey, I think we need to go over what we will and won't talk about. I'm not comfortable getting into my disappearance, and I don't think you want to get too technical about your shooting or Kelly Nieman".
Kate sighed and said, " Don't worry Baby, we'll figure it out like we always do, but your right we need to come up with a game plan". They spent the rest of the night talking about how they would handle the kids.
xxxx
It was decided that before any big family talk, that Kate would talk to the boys about setting some ground rules. The boys loved their Dad, but Mom was the one that the boys new better than to screw with. Castle would talk to Lilly, because, well she was a Daddy's girl. He seemed to get through to her better than Kate.
When the kids came home, the boys had hit the ground running, starting to throw question after question out. That was nipped in the bud right away by Kate. They were told that things would be addressed after dinner, but to behave until that time.
After dinner Castle looked over at his precious daughter while she was doing dishes. She had been very quiet during dinner. He was so proud of her. She was already 5ft 6 inches and the starting center on the freshman team at Marlowe Prep. They said she could hit as high as 5/10. She was model beautiful, and looked just like her mother other than the fact that her eyes were cerulean, blue. When they had taken Lilly years ago to some of Castle's book launch parties some model exes had gone up to her and asked if she ever considered modeling. Momma bear Kate in those instances would launch into a tirade threating limb removal if they ever came near their daughter again. Kate and Rick had seen the seedier side of modeling and did not want that for Lilly. His daughter was brilliant in school and had a knack for speaking languages. She had a big heart and was kind to a fault. Luckly she also had her mother's bull shit meter, so she could not be easily swayed by young men, as she would let them know that she was not to be messed with.
Rick looked at his daughter and said, "Flower, could you come over here and sit with me for a moment". She came over and sat down at the kitchen table looking down at her hands. "Flower is there something on your mind that you want to talk about"?
Lilly looked at her dad and said. "Daddy, I saw those articles about you and mom, and I have to tell you, they really scared me. I mean, come on Dad: Drownings, multiple bomb scares, shooting a serial killer. One after the other saying how you guy's escaped death over and over". Lilly's eyes started to mist over.
Castle calmly said, "Baby, I know where you're going with this, if either one of us had been killed that you wouldn't be here blah blah blah, but you can't think like that. It's a bad habit that your mom does from time to time, she was like that from time I met her. The fact is we didn't die, we are not those people anymore. We've been by your side since the day you were born, and there's been no issues". Castle placed his hands gently on his daughter's cheeks and raised her eyes up to look at him. "Flower, you need to listen to me very carefully. Looking backwards serves no purpose other than to feel regret and pain. You have such a wonderful future ahead of you, and your mom and I are so proud of you. Start looking forward to tomorrow's adventures, what lies ahead, and know with certainty that mom and I will be lock step with you in your journey. Looking back at bad moments in time serves no purpose other than to deliver pain. Now mom and I are going to sit down with the boys and address some of those things that you read. You're welcome to go to your room if you don't want to be there for the discussion".
Lilly replied, "No Daddy, I need to understand just why some of these things happened. I'm good, you don't have to worry about me", as her smile lit up her face.
Castle kissed her on her nose and said, "Okay then, mom is going to talk to the boys and when she's done will all sit down".
xxxx
Kate looked over at her husband and daughter and shook her head and smiled. "God, she's got her father wrapped around her little finger. Kate looked back at her boys and said, "Okay you two knuckleheads, before we talk about what you saw, there are going to be a few ground rules. Number one what we talk about today will stay in this room, no exceptions. If I hear that anything was talked about outside of this house there will be hell to pay, do you hear me boys, and yes, I'm looking at you Royce".
Royce whined, "Oh, mom why do you always look at me".
"Because your just like your father, you're a little social butterfly, and you're always running around talking to everyone you run into".
James looked at his mom and said, "Mom, I think your being a little unfair to Royce".
Royce turned to James and said, "Thanks Jimmy, but mom's right, as dad always says I've got no... what does he say? Oh yeah, I have no filter".
Kate looked at her boys. She loved them to death, and she was so proud of them. They reminded her of what Rick had told her the first year of their partnership. "Ying and Yang is harmony Kate, Ying Ying...is a name for a Panda". Her boys were in perfect harmony. Royce was the smarter of the two, and James was the protector. They always had each other's backs, and they were inseparable. Together she had seen them form quite the team. Kate looked at them and said, "Listen up both of you, before we get into all this stuff, you need to understand something. Dad and I are not superheroes, and those articles that got you all excited about in many ways extracted quite a toll on both of us. The main reason that this stays in the family is that there are a lot of people out there that don't understand what your dad and I have gone thru. When your sister was little, she would ask if friends could come out to the Hamptons for a day. The parents would come, and then we would find out that they just wanted to ask us all kinds of questions and ask for our autograph. It hurt your sister when she would see that it wasn't about her, or even worse, she would lose friends because the parents had read about us and wouldn't let their kids play with her because they thought we attracted trouble. This isn't a game boys, there are real world consequence's that came from some of those stories. Be proud of us if you want, though I'd rather you be proud of us as your parents, but however you want to view this it stays in house. Do both of you understand"?
Royce and James both nodded, and said, "Yes momma".
Kate smiled and said, "You two are my pride and joy, and dad and I love you so very much. Now that you understand some of the rules, we're all going to all sit together and your dad will start off explaining a few things, then we'll answer some of your questions".
xxx
The kids gathered around as they all sat in a circle. Kate looked at her husband and nodded, Rick took a deep breath and said, "Okay kids here are a few ground rules on what we will discuss and what we won't. Anything that has to do with 3XK or my disappearance, are not up for discussion, and your mother can determine how much she wants to talk about her shooting.
I need all of you, especially you two boys to understand that we are not superheroes by any stretch of imagination. All of these headlines for the most part took a toll on your mother and me. There are two kinds of pain kids that a person can go thru. Physical like when your mom was shot. That pain went on for months and months, but the emotional pain went on for years. Many of these stories' kids, that we are going to talk about took a toll on us. We still have the occasional nightmares to this day. I repeat we were not heroes, but your mother and I also had great sense of determination to bring justice to this world and to protect the innocent wherever we could. We didn't back down and we didn't give up, and we didn't always take the easy path, and because of that it put us in the crosshairs of some truly horrific people.
Lilly watched as her Mom and Dad smiled and looked at each other with so much love. She listened as her mom and dad told them tales of almost drowning in the Hudson River while working with the CIA... Disarming a bomb in the middle of Manhattan with the clock winding down to zero, and being given awards by the Major ... Almost dying in a freezer container while huddled in each other's arms... About being handcuffed while facing a Bengal tiger...How her mom's place blew up, because of a Serial Killer, while her Dad rushed into a blazing fire to rescue her. The stories went on and on, as Lilly grew dizzy, and her brothers grew solemn as they heard just how much their parents had changed events in people's lives. She was astounded when she heard that the serial killer that she had read about in History books that had the largest body count in the U.S. and totaled over 34 bodies had in fact been discovered and killed by her Father, with her Mother by his side. The list went on and on for hours. Lilly and her brothers were mesmerized.
Lilly interrupted one of her dads' stories and asked, "Daddy, how many times did you guys save each other's lives"?
Kate looked at her husband and said, "Do you still remember Babe, because I lost track".
Lilly looked towards her dad, stunned the there were so many that her mother couldn't remember. Then she heard her dad say.
"Well, Flower around the 4th year of our partnership after your mom help rescue me from being held hostage in a bank with grams, it was around 9 saves for me and 8 for your mom.
Kate huffed and turned her head. "I still think you made some of that stuff up".
"Now... Now my love no reason to get testy". Then Castle turned to the kids and whispered, "Mom, doesn't like that fact that she carried the gun, but I saved her more times". All of a sudden, he felt a rolled-up wad of paper that hit him in the head, he turned to his wife and Kate stuck her tongue out at him.
Lilly and the boys laughed. Castle continued, "Flower after your mom and I became a couple I stopped counting, but I think it was around 20 or so". Lily thought to herself how two people could mention something like that so causally that it was like trying to figure out what kind of ice cream they liked. She just shook her head.
James, usually the quite one said, "Really mom, that many?"
"Yeah Baby, somewhere in there". Kate looked at Castle with so much love and turned and said, "Your dad and I were partners before we got romantically involved". Kate looked away for a moment trying to hold her tears. "I stupidly was with another man at one point, but I knew even then that I would have done anything to protect him. I was crazy about him even then; I just never told him".
Castle interjected, "Jimmy I would have done anything to protect your mom. We had a bond that could not be broken, it's what partners do. It's about trust, and in our case, it was about our love for each other.
Royce spoke up and asked Kate. "Mom can you or dad tell us about the article where you're standing on the bomb, and dad didn't leave you"?
Umm...sure baby. Rick, do you want to take this one?"
"Okay honey he sighed, "Well kids, your mom unknowingly triggered a bomb in a bad guy's apartment, and one slight movement by her could set it off, so Mom had to be very still. We were told that if the bomb went off that the whole building would collapse and probably the one next store, and I was told that there was nothing I could do that would prevent both of us from blowing up if it went off. I stood with her and became her bomb buddy in order to keep her mind off her standing for so many hours. Eventually the bomb squad let us know that they couldn't disarm it and the only way was to enter a 5-digit code that would disarm the bomb, but the problem was if you entered the wrong code, it would set it off.
Kate took over the story from there, "As the time was ticking away and we were down to 15 minutes, I made your dad promise that he would have to leave if I asked. Lilly saw her mom starting to tear up, the boys saw it too.
Royce asked "Were you scared mom"
"Baby, I was petrified, but the worst part was that I sent your dad away, and I told him I loved him. I thought he wasn't coming back". Kate's tears started to fall, "But you want to know the worst part"? The kids all nodded. Kate cried and said, "As soon as your dad left, I wanted him to come back. I didn't want to die alone without him. It was very selfish of me considering he had your big sister and grams, but I loved him so much".
Th kids and Castle all got up and hugged Kate. James said, "Please don't cry momma it's okay, it's over now".
Kate wiped away her tears and said, "Your silly amazing father came back a few minutes later with coffee and said, "I didn't promise I wasn't coming back". The kids laughed, which lightened the mood, then Kate continued, "Then he figured out what the code was and entered it with no time left".
Lilly asked, "Daddy how could you come back, weren't you scared"?
"Of course, I was Flower, but you know what, all of you listen up. Your mom and I hope with all our hearts that you all will find that one person that will stand beside you for the rest of your lives, because I'm telling you, this amazing woman sitting right next to me was and is my soulmate. There was no world where I wanted wake up in that she'd would be gone. I'm being truthful with all of you, if your mom was not going to make it then neither was I, because there would be no life for me without her.
Kate started to tear up again, "Oh Baby... I love you".
Royce, James, and Lilly all teared up also, now understanding how much a toll that these moments had impacted their parents, but they better understood why they loved each other so much. Their father had said it perfectly. They had been bonded to each other for life.
Castle looked at his kids and said, "You want to know something else? When we got home and went to bed your mom was still asking how I could have gone back, and I said one simple thing to her "Kate if I was standing there on the bomb instead of you, would you have left".
Lilly looked at her mom and said, "What did you say mom"?
"I really didn't say anything, I just nodded no. Your dad knew I would never leave him, so I just shut up and fell in love with him even more. We always had each other's back. I trusted your dad, like no one else, and that's how we feel about all of you. You are our Babies, and nobody better ever mess with our Babies".
Royce, James, and Lilly looked into her mom's eyes and they knew in that moment that they were loved like no other.
Castle looked at Kate and said, Honey do you want to wrap this up"?
Kate wiping the tears from her eyes said, "Wait, I have one more, a funny one where your dad saved me. I'm going to tell this story, and she looked at her husband and said, "And no comments from the peanut gallery"! The kids were back to laughing. "So, while I'm telling this story 'I'll lower my voice when I do your dads part. Castle groaned, "Hush Rick this is my story".
"Oh God Kate, I hate when you do my voice, it sounds like someone is constipated".
"My story Babe, so behave", Kate turned and looked at her boys and Lilly and continued with the story. "This case I'm going to talk about was just after your dad started to follow me for research for the Nikki Heat books. Your Father was such a pain in the ass when I first met him." The kids smiled at that, "Even though I'd never told him I had grown to admire how his brain worked. He always thought differently from a cop".
"We got this one case where we found a dead body that looked like it had a ritual side to it. Your dad showed up, (Kate neglected to tell them about having sex with Meridith and that Castle referred to her as a deep fried twinkie) he knew right away that it was Vodoo"
James spoke up and said, "Don't you mean voodoo mom"?
"No baby, that's what I thought, but it's called Vodoo. So, your dad knew about it because of research he had done for one of his Derek Storm books. After we left the crime scene, he introduced me to a woman who owned a cafe and new about vodooism. She even brought lunch with her". Kate turned her head and smirked at Castle, "Your dad told me it was beef stew, but later I found out it was cow's foot stew".
Lilly laughed and said," Omg dad really"?
Royce piped up and said, "Mom technically cow's feet is beef"!
Castle roared with laughter, "Thats what I told her son", as Kate shot a look at Royce. Royce ran over to his Dad, and they fed the birds.
Kate looked at her son and blurted out, "Oh you didn't just do that in front of me. A five-dollar deduction is coming from your allowance", she huffed, but Royce knew she was just playing.
"Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted", Kate chuckled. "We found out from this woman that the killer was looking for something, and that the Vodoo rituals would continue until he found what he was looking for".
"In the meantime, back at the precinct your Dad's ex-wife Merideth (Lilly and the boys new the name, because they were all told that Kate was technically not Alexis's mother, though Alexis started calling Kate mom years ago after Merideth had stopped calling Alexis) comes in and we find out"...
Castle interrupts the story and blurts out, "Kate don't you dare tell them what I think you're going to tell them"!
Kate sticks her tongue out at him and whispers in a hushed tone, "Meridith used to have a nick name for your Dad".
Royce and James yelled out, "What Mom, tell us".
Looking over at Castle she whispers, "Well... she called him ...Kitten"!
The kids were roaring with laughter as Castle groaned and said to his wife, "You are in so much trouble woman", as Kate blew a raspberry his way.
Kate continued, "Eventually we figured out where the killer was going to go next, and we arrived at this woman's apartment before the killer got there. Just as I found what we were looking for in this lady's apartment your dad turned around and saw the killer was aiming his gun at me, so he jumped at me and wrapped his arms around me and threw both of us over a couch, then we scurried on our hands and knees and got behind a bar that this woman had in her apartment. All three kids by now were enraptured by the tale that their mom was weaving. "So, there we are behind this bar, me having only 2 bullets left in my gun, and I don't know where the killer is, so your dad takes his phone", Kate proceeds to show them how Castle reached up in the air and took a picture. "I hissed at your dad and said, "What the hell is it with you and your phone" Lilly laughed, because nothing had really changed, as her Dad had his phone surgically attached to his hand at all times.
Kate continued, "Your dad pulls his phone down and shows me a picture that the bad guy is behind a pillar in the middle of the apartment, and I can't get a shot off because he keeps hiding behind it. So, your dad says to me (Kate lowered her voice to mimic Castles),"I got an idea"!
Castle groaned when she did his voice, "Kate that was truly awful".
The kids were laughing, "My story Rick, so just behave yourself. So anyway, I say, "What's s your idea? and your Father says, "I'll set the pick, and you take the shot".
Lilly roars, "Really daddy you used a basketball metaphor"?
Castle said, "Seemed like a good thing to say at the time Flower".
Kate went on with her story, "Dad grabs a bottle of champagne from a wine rack and I yell at him, "You're going to get yourself killed". Your Dad says, as Kate lowered her voice to mimic Castles, "Just... Be....Ready! All the kids were on the edge of their seats. Kate went on, "Your dad moves to the end of the bar and looks at me, shakes up the bottle of champagne and yells "Go". He pops the bottle, the cork and the liquid fly in the air and I see that the killer is coming out from behind the pillar. I take aim and get two clean shots to him in his shoulder. Then while I'm cuffing him, I look at your dad and he's leaning against the pillar in the room looking like the hottie he was with his good-looking clothes and his 2-day old stubble on his face":
Lilly interrupts and chides her mom, " Really mom, do we need to hear dad described as a hottie"?
Kate smiles and says, "Sorry Flower, but he was a cutie, I just never told him that at the time because I would have had to watch him strutting around like a prized peacock. Anway your dad is drinking what's left in the bottle of champagne, and he looks at me and says, "I don't want it to go to waste".
Kate saw how much they had enjoyed a much lighter story after all the heavy dose of near-death experiences. "So, to finish the story, your dad and I are waiting out in the hallway letting CSU in the apartment and while the killer was being taken into custody. Your dad says to me, "I think I handled myself pretty well", I replied to him, "Yeah, you probably saved my life", your dad comes back with, "I definitely saved your life, and you know what that means". I go, "What"? and he says, "You have to give me whatever I want...and you know ...what I want".
Lilly blurts out, "Geez dad you really sounded like a player back then, and a little obnoxious".
Kate laughed, "Lil you don't know the half of it. So, your dad saunters over to me looking all badass, and I'm thinking that he's going to kiss me, and at the time I didn't know what I'd do if he did. So, he comes over", Kate now starts to whisper, "He puts his face right into my ear and says..."Never ...Ever...Call me Kitten".
The boys were rolling on the floor laughing hysterically picturing their father while Lilly looked at him and smiled. Castle looked back at her shrugged and blew her a kiss. Kate turned to Castle and said, "Well...Kitten looks like that went well".
Castle turned to Kate and warned, "I'd be careful with that word".
The kids were on high alert. They knew their parents were crazy, and never knew what to expect next.
Kate looked at Rick with a stern frown and huffed, "What you going to do about it...Kitten"?
Lily and the boys were watching their parents' feet. They looked like they were braced to run.
Castle warned, "Oh, we know all too well what will be coming your way woman".
Kate turned her head away from Castle and smirked, "Big talk, that's all you are...Kitten", The kids knew what was coming next. Castle got up and pounced. Kate started running upstairs laughing and screaming, "Leave me alone you big bully", Castle grabbed her and picked her up and threw Kate over his shoulder. He continued upstairs, Kate draped over his back. As she was slapping at Castles ass she screamed, "Help protect your mother boys". Lilly and the boys started to run upstairs too
James yelled, "Were coming mom, we'll save you"!
Castle yelled, "To late boys, the tickle monster has been set free. There's no hope for this retched woman now".
As the boys climbed the stairs they heard, "Rick stop...Ah...Ah, stop that", they heard their Mom laughing hysterically, "Stop Babe Ah... Ah, you big ass. Save me boys"!
The boys entered the bedroom and yelled, "We'll get him mom", as they jumped on their Dad. Lilly stood and watched her arms folded across her chest and leaning against the door frame smiling.
Castle yelled, "You treacherous children you'll rue the day you messed with the tickle master. He turned and grabbed both boys and slobbered kisses all over them. Kate escaped the clutches of the master and stood their beaming at the sight of the three men in her life that she held so dear.
Royce screamed in mock fear (Worthy of Martha Rodgers), "Oh no Dad, don't punish us"!
Castle replied, "I'm sorry son, but insurrection is a capital offence, and you know what the sentence for insurrection is"?
James smiled and said, "No Dad please not...Mandatory ice cream"!
Castle replied, "I'm afraid so son, the sentence has been already handed down, and because both of you were so vile, I'm sorry, but it means two scoops. It's out of my hands".
Lilly watched from the door entrance, she looked at her crazy weird loving family and thought to herself, how lucky she was to have such a wonderful, family.
Kate turned to look at her daughter and thought she saw tears. She walked over to Lilly and said, "Flower are you okay baby".
"Fine Mom, never better", then she looked at Kate and said, "Mom, can we go and visit gramma tomorrow, maybe you can tell me more stories about her, maybe by her some flowers"?
"I would love that Lilly (Lilly's middle name was Johanna), I happen to have the day off tomorrow before reporting back to the precinct... I tell you what. Why don't we make it a girl's day out of it. I'll bring us a blanket and buy us a bear claw and coffee".
"I'd love that mom. Nothing like turning your kid into a coffee addict". She laughed.
They both turned their heads to the laughter that was going on. Kate smiled and said to Lilly, "You know, when I was told by my Captain that your dad had wormed his way into following me, I told him that he was like a 9-year-old on a sugar rush".
Lilly laughed and said, "You know what Mom, I wouldn't want him any other way".
Kate, fighting back a tear, said, "Neither would I Flower...Neither would I... He's a special man". Kate turned to her daughter, "Lil, would you be so kind as to gather your brothers and serve them their punishment"?
Lilly yelled out to the boys, "Okay vermin let's get that punishment started". The boys and Lilly ran downstairs leaving just Kate and Rick. Kate walked over to her husband and wrapped her arms around him as she nestled her head under his chin.
They stood silent for a moment, as they swayed to underheard music. Castle looked down at his wife and gave her a kiss, a kiss given with all the love that he had for this special woman. Castle Whispered, "Love you Wife".
Kate purred, "Love you so much, Husband".
xxxxx,
The kids were downstairs eating their ice cream. Royce turned to his brother and sister and said while taking another bite of chocolate chip, "Why do you think it's so quite up there"?
Lilly laughed and said, "Isn't it obvious writer boy, they're probably making out again".
James replied, " Geez, is it just me, or do we have the most bat-shit crazy parents ever"!
Lilly taking the last drop of ice cream off her spoon, pointed the spoon at James and smiled, "Number one, I won't tell Mom that you called them bat- shit, and number two, would you want them any other way"?
The boys said in unison, "No Way"!
Lilly got up and started to gather the dishes, she looked at both her brothers and said, "I've already been around them long enough to know how much they love each other, but after what we heard today, I now know why".
All of a sudden, they heard their Mom yell, "Richard Castle, don't you dare give me a hickey".
The boys laughed and Lilly smiled and shook her head, as she put the dishes in the sink. She thought about how much she loved both of them, then laughed to herself and said, "But they can get their own damn ice cream"!
The End
Please excuse any grammatic errors. My daughter who teaches English at a community college, pointed out a few transgressions. I promptly told her that I would no longer make her favorite past dinner. After that she said my story was great!
If this story receives any kind of interest, I think that there's one more story to be had, and that is between: Kate and Lilly talking at Johanna's grave, talking about what a mother and daughter would talk about.

I'm a new viewer who have never watched any Breaking Bad before, despite obviously hearing about it multiple times over the years. About three weeks ago I decided to give it a go, and I've been semi-binging it after work, jumping into it fresh from S1E1, sometimes alone and sometimes with my wife. Earlier tonight I just finished the last episode.
Holy crap. What a ride it was. It was near perfect, and there were so many moments when I was just in awe of how great this series is, but that ending especially just blew me away.
In the end, Walt and Jesse both found happiness. After seeing Jesse escaping and getting what he most desired, his freedom, we see Walt with what he most desired. I mean, the man has never looked at anyone or anything with as much genuine, unbridled love as he looked at that meth lab.
It was hinted at so many times before, and Walt even said it to Skylar, but in that scene we the viewers, who have been with Walt since he was a meek school teacher, really, really see Walt for who he really was - that more than Jesse, his family, his wife, his son, even his baby girl, he loved being the best damn chef there is the most.
Bryan Cranston's acting was excellent throughout the series, but he was so good in that scene it was insane. The tender loving look, the caress...it was a goddamn romance scene.
And then as if any viewer was still too dense to understand, that song played, My Baby Blue (I had to google it after), to really hammer it home to you. "The special love I had for you..." It could not be more on-the-nose.
As Walt died, he was with literally his true love, his Baby Blue. Brilliant.
Now I'm off to watch Jesse's movie and Better Call Saul next!
This show is just...incredible. That is all. Thank you for reading my awe-filled rant.

I remember when I was a little girl I would look in the mirror and just be so disappointed, in my mind, I was ugly, stupid, and poor, and it broke me completely. I would get bullied heavily in elementary school not only because I was poor but because I was chubby, while I ate lunch kids would stand by my desk and make pig sounds at me, oinking and calling me butterball. They told me I had meth head teeth. The only thing I liked about myself was my freckles but that brief feeling of liking myself soon disappeared when one boy told me it looked like I had shit splattered on my face.
I was eleven when I began to diet, whiten my teeth, and wear makeup. My teeth naturally straightened out on their own and I shed the weight with the help of heavy restriction, not without developing an obsession over how I looked. When I was twelve, boys began to notice me, I broke my nose and in doing so had to get it straightened out so I could breathe properly, no longer did I have my father's Roman nose which I so despised. I wanted desperately to be like the girls who ignored me and to be liked by the boys who bullied me for a little baby fat.
Because of this obsession, I didn't believe people when they told me I was pretty. Compliments always felt ingenuine and I naturally assumed boys were asking me out as a joke so I turned every single one down out of fear of humiliation. Deep inside me something seethed, I wasn't satisfied with the weight I had lost and begged and cried until my mom shared her Ozempic with me. I was thirteen.
Still, I could describe in detail the way I picked apart every flaw, the way I had autopsies on past conversations, searching for a new insecurity. One day I went into my dad's toolbox and stole his roll of duck tape and wrapped it around my waist. I was amazed by how beautiful I looked, my waist was the smallest of all the girls at my school and this felt like a victory. I tailored my favourite sundress on my mom's sewing machine to fit my brand-new waist and wore it to the first day back from summer break.
Everyone turned their heads to look at me, I thought that only happened in the movies until I strolled into English class with a waist the size of a tangerine. I shoved lies through my teeth about a gym and diet plan I had done over the summer to make myself look so small, my friends listened with eager ears and wide eyes trained on my midriff. The attention was more addictive than any substance I've put into my body. My friend had told me how the boys were talking about me and how they planned to ask me out, that's when I made up my mind.
It felt like a poison I happily drank, knowing all of the risks. Every Sunday after church I walked to the Dollar General by my house and bought five rolls of duct tape, two dollars each for one week of classes, ten dollars in total. The same woman was always there and she always smiled at me, asking what I did with all of the tape, my face would split into a sickly sweet smile as I told her a new falsehood every time.
My mother would comment on how she didn't want me to go anywhere by myself because I was too pretty to do so, this was like pouring gasoline onto my forest fire. In the morning when everyone was sleeping, I wrapped one roll of duct tape around my waist so no one could hear the sound; I took it off before my showers at night, water running as pain pushed tears from my eyes and bit the inside of my cheek until I could taste iron flood my gums. I was left with cuts and tears in my skin, flesh tender with torture, still, I mummified my body every morning with duct tape. Sometimes I would do my thighs if I wore leggings or skinny jeans so people would comment on my impressive thigh gap.
After a year of doing this, my midriff looked like a piece of raw steak beaten with a meat tenderizer until it was almost torn apart entirely. I wouldn't even let people touch me in fear that they could feel through my attempt at perfection. I started skipping church. Every weekend I shut myself inside so I could breathe at full capacity while I shut my blinds and stared at my ceiling, my mind went numb with the impending doom that I would suffocate myself with that dreadful silver tape when the bell rang. My whole life I had heard that beauty is pain and that's all I thought this was, I thought that models did similar things and it was just something I had to accept to be beautiful.
Essentially, I had turned into a zombie; my breathing was shallow, and I became pale, clammy, shaking, and nauseous. I couldn't stomach meals. Every night I would wake up around midnight and cough up my guts but I hadn't eaten any food so there was nothing left in me to vomit but bile and eventually blood. I stopped talking to people, I thought it better for them just to look at my pretty long lashes and my tiny little waist than to listen to me tell them I was fine through shaky breaths. My dad was so scared for me, he kept bringing food into my bedroom and would come to collect the uneaten dish when he dropped off the next. He couldn't look at me without crying. It was just his drowsy gaze piercing into my vacant skull while we both swallowed back what we wanted to say, the words dying in our throats, never to be heard.
Everything hurt all of the time, it didn't matter anymore whether I had the duct tape on or not. I almost preferred the feeling of it on so the stinging of the cuts and the soreness of my ribs was shielded by something. One day in PE the teacher asked me to sit out so I did. I tried my best to keep my vision straight and my head up while I watched the other kids play California kickball. It was okay until there was a suffocating feeling, like something was consuming everything in my body like tiny creatures with razor-sharp teeth were cutting their way up my organs. My body began to convulse as I coughed until I fell to my hands and knees, coughing up this invisible force in my throat. The game stopped abruptly and every pair of beady eyes turned to watch me writhe in pain on the dusty gym floor while I clawed at my chest and throat, eager to tear the skin off completely.
Mr. Duke jogged over to me, crouching down to my level and putting a hand on my back. With furrowed eyebrows, he asked what was happening and with nothing more than Ozempic running through my system, I screamed at him to get away from me. That final wave came like a million little hands of wind pushing at the back of my throat until I heaved up the very last of what was left in me. Hands flew over mouths while some gagged at the sickness once inside of me. On that floor was a pile of what looked to be red coffee grounds in a little puddle of cherry wine. I was as terrified as anyone else in the gym, I screamed between heavy sobs while scuttling away from the mess I had made.
I knew that this was the end of me, that I would be taken to a hospital and everyone would know what I had done. I didn't even need to go to the hospital for everyone to know what I had done. Once I had collected myself and began talking frantically in a hushed circle of my friends while we waited for the ambulance, one boy on the hockey team caught a glimpse of shimmering silver beneath my gym strip and snuck up behind me, pulling my shirt up and revealing the secret I carried like a cross I had to bear.
My back laden with strips of duct tape like it was armour was on display to my entire class, my shame shown to what I had perceived to be the entire world. The girls didn't find this so funny but the boys came up with the name of Tape-Face. I remember rushing to the locker room with my friends following close behind, I grabbed scissors from my pencil case and began to cut it off myself, ripping it away madly along with little segments of flesh. My friends watched in horror, they just stood like it was a game of wax museum and I was the security guard there to punish whichever moved first.
In the hospital, I couldn't face my parents, not even the doctor, I kept my eyes locked on my lap. I couldn't see their stares but I could certainly feel them digging into me like a frog on a dissection table. My mom was utterly speechless and my dad spoke only through voice cracks and subtle sobs while he brought me soggy sandwiches from the cafe on the first floor.
I took another week off school because I could predict the painfully true rumours and when I finally set foot back into the school, it was worse than I anticipated. I felt hideous, like a pig that had been chugging back lard in my t-shirt, sweatpants, and perfectly average body. My friends were hesitant to eat around me and tiptoed around the incident like it had never happened which almost felt worse than bringing it up. Others were not so kind. A group of kids, guys and girls all mixed together, the kind that stole cigarettes from their parents had waited until I came back to sneak away from class and cover my locker in duct tape. Over top of the tape they scribbled on a dictionary of names they would call me in the hallway "Tape-Face" "Fraud" "Botched" "Duct tape Barbie". One of the girls sat behind me in math and had cut little squares of duct tape to stick them into my hair, I called my mom in the principal's office and cried while the secretary had to cut it out of my hair.
My dad made the decision to pull me out of school, so I started homeschooling but that didn't stop the harassment. We lived close to the school and during lunch and after school kids would throw duct tape wallets and wads of tape onto the porch. My dad's final straw was when someone dropped off a Barbie whose waist and thighs had been wrapped in duct tape in our mailbox. He had contacted not only the school but the parents of the kids several times with no avail to the torment ending anytime soon. He moved us to a new town where I could go to class without anyone knowing the pain I subjected myself to for two years.
I'm in college now and I've never told anyone this. I've cut contact with everyone from that school. One of the bullies tried to reach out and apologize, blaming her behaviour on mental illness but that felt like she had shattered a plate and said sorry, thinking that it would put the plate back together. I told her I didn't forgive her and blocked her. A boy from the hockey team also messaged me, the one who flipped my shirt up. He said he just had a daughter he couldn't imagine her going through what I went through and that he's sorry for what he did. All I had to say was that I hope she doesn't have to go through what he put me through either.
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I'm gonna give a little ⚠️content warning⚠️ here as this experience involves violence that resulted in deep rooted trauma for me.
Hi! I'm new to the reddit community but definitely not new to Charlotte's channel. As soon as I heard her mention this subreddit I RAN🏃🏻‍♀️ to download the app because I love sharing the wild sh*t that has happened in my life! Let's start with an oldie but a goodie because I got an invite to my 10 year high school reunion recently.
I grew up and attended high school in the Appalachian mountain area. There was still, of course, cliques like there are in any public school. I never really claimed to be part of a specific "clique" though. My style was "dress as punk as my Christian mother will allow me to" whereas the most popular style was Justin boots and Carhartt jackets at the time. Anyway, we would sometimes get out of our last class early if there was an "in-school" basketball game scheduled. My best friend at the time met up with me after class so we could sit at one of these basketball games together. We were sharing earbuds, listening to her iPod, when I was tapped on my shoulder by a girl standing behind me. I recognized her because we had classes together in the past but we were never close. We'll call her Becka I guess.
Becka proceeds to ask me why I was "talkin' sht" about her? I tell her that I had no reason to do that because I barely knew her, which was the truth. She walks away from me and my friend and goes back down the bleachers to talk with her group of friends. While it is a small town, I didn't even know this girl's friends well enough to be "talkin' sht" to them about her. Becka approaches me a second time to say "I KNOW for a fact now that you've been talkin' sh*t about me so why are you lyin'?" At this point I was annoyed, so I rolled my eyes and gave her the same response. Before she could say anything else I put my headphone back in to ignore her. I then watch her buzz all around the bleachers talking to everyone and not so subtly gesturing toward me.
BECKA APPROACHES ME A THIRD TIME. She sits one step above me in the bleachers to lean down and smack my foot that was propped in the seat in order to get my attention. I take out the headphone once more to ask what the f*ck she wanted, because at this point I didn't think she would escelate the situation any further. "My friends literally told me that they heard you talkin' shit so why even still lie about it?!" she asked. As soon as I turned my body away from her, she saw her chance and she took it like a cheap shot at the local pub. She pulled my head back by my hair and started hitting my face repeatedly. I had never been in a fight before in my life, so I was stunned to say the least. We later found out that not only were my glasses broken, but my nose was fractured and my tooth was chipped. My mother, infuriated, dealt with the matter legally as we didn't have the extra money to fix these things ourselves.
For those wondering where my "best friend" was during all of this, she was right there equally as stunned. I don't blame her for not jumping in to help me, but I blame every single student in that gymnasium who witnessed a girl being attacked by another girl, and chose to pull out their cell phones to video the incident rather than getting an adult involved. LITERALLY. ANY. ADULT. The whole student body and faculty were there. I made it all the way out of the gym into the commons area before a teacher seen my bleeding face and followed me to the bathroom to demand I explain what happened. I held it together until I got into the bathroom so no one would see me crying out of pure embarrassment and anger. I appreciate that this teacher was doing her job to the best of her ability by taking me to the front office to speak with the principal, but that only resulted in Becka getting suspended for a few days.
As soon as she was back in the hallways, she had convinced her whole group of friends to bark the word "snitch" at me every time they saw me. THAT is bullying. Being violently attacked is FAR WORSE than bullying. I say this because I saw a post in our 10yr Reunion event page that made me absolutely cackle. It reads:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m aware there are people with mixed feelings about having our high school reunion. I’m fully aware some don’t want to show up because they don’t want to face people that bullied them in high school. I understand that completely. That is your choice you’re allowed to make. However, with that being said we are all grown adults now. Each and every one of us was also bullied in our own way. No it’s not okay. No it’s not acceptable. We all regret things in life when it’s too late. This is a chance to possibly get that apology you’ve always wanted. This is a chance to really get to know the adult version of our high school self. We’ve all changed in so many ways!! I’m proud of each and every one of you guys!"
I didn't expect anyone to acknowledge my specific situation in that post. Honestly, no one may even remember it because it wasn't them being traumatized in that moment. Anyway, I'm choosing not to attend because I've thought of every possible conversation I could have at this event, and none of them sound appealing to me in the slightest. If anyone wanted to befriend me after high school or see what I'm doing with my life, they could easily do that through their phone screen as I'm very present on most social media.
To conclude, I'm not sure if you'd classify this as petty revenge or just life taking a horrible turn, but I was told that Becka now enjoys doing dr*gs in her free time (meth to be exact)! I'm going to refrain from saying anything else about that because I personally feel yucky joking about addiction as I have two family members struggling with it themselves. Anyway, thanks for letting me dump my tea here!☕

I live in a neighborhood where the houses are older , but most of them have been worked on, and they are up kept. But my neighbor right next to me, their house looks like it should be condemned. Broken windows with plastic covering them, all the paint chipped off the siding, there's a barn in the back that looks like it could go any mintue. And junk upon more junk littering their front and back yard. Something happened last year with their pipes, and now they dont have running water. There's probably 60 to 70 feet between us where my shed and garage sit. I try not to pay them too much attention, but my garage sits right at the property line, so I'm not oblivious to what goes on at their place. I can hear the two adults fighting with each other pretty regularly, and her, the woman screaming and cussing at her kids. Neither one of the adults work, so they are generally outside milling about in their yard... doing what, I really don't know. They usually have people coming and going all day and night.
I actually went to school with the woman who lives there, and I know that she was into meth back then. And within the last year she was arrested for meth and felony retail fraud. Which is sad. She looks horrible physically, her teeth are rotted out, she looks grimy, she's loud and obnoxious, and worst of all they have 3 kids. Two girls who look to be between 8 and 12 and a 6 year old boy. So, the other day I was getting ready to mow my lawn, doing a walk through to make sure my kids didn't leave anything in the grass. As I'm walking through, I her her yell at one of the kids "that's not fucking free. Get in there". I look up, and see the two girls in one of those things you put water in for horses washing with dish soap. She then snatched the little boy up ripped his pants down and started beating his ass bare right there. I was kind of shocked. Especially since she had to have known that I was out there. And she didn't give a shit. I'm pretty bothered by the whole situation. And considering her criminal record and the condition of her house, I'm shocked CPS hasn't or isn't currently involved. I mean, to have your children bathe outside. To not have running water in the house. That's got to be horrible for those kids. Maybe I'm wrong, but it just seems neglectful to me.
I've contemplated contacting CPS for The things I've mentioned above. I don't think in Indiana that there is a law that says you have to have running water in your house. Maybe I'm being over critical and sticking my nose in places where it doesn't belong. I feel horrible for those kids. Like I said, I went to high school with this girl. I knew back then that she was into meth. I'm 38 now. That's a lot of years. And unfortunately in the area that I live in I know a lot of people who have destroyed their lives with that stuff. And just to see those kids in that environment is fuckin sad.
And my other concern is is that if I do call CPS and tell him what I saw, they will know it's me and retaliate. People like that tend to be unhinged, and I'm not home a lot of the time. I work 40 plus hours a week. My kids have sporting events, so most of the time I'm not home. My other neighbors are good people and if they did try something they would probably tell me but I don't know if I want to take the chance. I don't want to put me or my children or my dog in danger because unstable people are mad at me about something that really isn't my business... But I don't know. I don't know what to do. Like I said I just feel horrible for those kids. It's just not fair that they have to live like that. And be verbally and what seems to be physically abused by their ate up mom.
Sorry for the long post. Just been bothering me for the last week and I don't really know what to do. Thanks for any advice. I appreciate it.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Let me start with this by saying I'm a 46 year old male, my partner is 39, and she is allergic to pet dander. I have been catless for a while now, evert since we've moved in together and moved away from the area where we met each other to be closer to her family. I myself don't have any family I talk to besides my stepbrother and a couple of cousins (abuse issues). I think having a cat would be very beneficial for me, my mood specifically, and would help alleviate these feelings of isolation and loneliness I have been experiencing after moving away from where I grew up.
Before I met my current partner, I had been living on a couch with a weed/coke dealer and a functional meth head for about three years. This came to be after my mother passed away in 2016 from a long drawn out fight with lung cancer, and my partner at the time almost died in the hospital while I was burying my mother. My former partner never forgave me for being emotionally numb while I weas dealing with this, and not coming to see her at the hospital she was staying in (about 50 minutes away) while this was happening, as often as she would have liked. This caused a spiral of escalating fights after she returned home, culminating in me leaving the house I had bought, to let my former partner live in it for a while, so she could figure out what she was doing with her children... who I had considered my own for a long time.
I was adrift.
Enter the couch I stayed on for three years. I was about five months into my tenure when one day, the meth head brought home a kitten for his daughter for when she came over. Since they didn't have a good relationship, the kitten was basically abandoned inside of the house. He got fed, and little else, until I started caring for him. He became my cat. I named him Vincenzo, after my father. He was midnight black except for a tuft of white hair on his chest. We were inseparable. He rode my shoulders while I was on the computer, he slept in the crook of my arm and my legs, every night. He would wake me in the morning with a rough tongue kiss on my nose (the only licker cat I've ever had). He watched me cry as my life lay in broken pieces around my feet and he would curl up in my lap or on my chest, and purr, and knead. He gave me comfort in my darkest times.
I met my partner, and I had to give him up to a friend due to her extreme allergies. I had the privilege of being able to see Vinnie, living his best life with a couple of cat friends, before I moved away from the area. He still recognizes me when I go over to my friend's house, and still will play all the games we used to play when he was mine. I'll never forget Vinnie.
Now that I've moved, I work from home. I'm not a bar person, and the neighborhood I live in is a bunch of retirees and families. It's been hard to meet people I want to get chummy with or have a schedule where we can hang out. I feel like it's adversely affected my mood and my well-being. I think getting a cat would help a lot. I've done a lot of research on pet dander, allergies, and the proteins in their saliva that causes reactions. I know there are hypo-allergenic breeds, but has anyone been in a similar situation with their partner having allergies? And if you have, was there a breed that you found they reacted least to? Lastly, how did you approach the conversation with your partner? I'm all ears and would welcome any and all good advice.

Ok, so you have to bare with me here. This is kind of a long story. I am a las vegas resident and fully into the larson lore. I am in a bar and this methed out women with huge tits walks in and sits down with three cell phones. let it be known she was all tatted up and had bright cherry lipstick. She asks my name. I tell her a lawyers name from my home town. She says what do you do. I told her I am criminal attorney and have a firm in Knoxville. But am in vegas. She states I have some legal troubles so I said " I need a dollar" and will retain you. So yeah its illegal as fuck, and yeah she spent an hour writing this contract out. For anyone that has ever needed a lawyer knows the lawyer writes out the contract. Keep in mind she had 3 cell phones and was trying to score a date. Went outside with the bar manager and said I cant keep this. So I burnt it get back in. Crazy woman starts to talk to me some more. The contract stated " I will have sex with you for a retainer". I said ok, but I am going to have to pass because I was just being a troll to a methed out hooker (judge if you want I give zero fucks because this is one of the last larson stories you'll ever hear). Chick actually hide giant boobs and tatted all over which was her only redeeming factor. I have a big nose... not larson big but a big nose. Its called a roman nose from being Italian. Girl said I love big noses as I was turning her down. She told me about her conquest here. She talked about a guy with a giant nose, big dick, and could sing. I was like that must have been great... then it hit me. "Who was they guy... do remember his name?". She said David. I was like well there goes nothing. Small talk went to how much did David pay you... she said 50 bucks. I was like ok. Kept on talking about random shit and kept talking about my nose and said daniel. At this point I had a brain click. I showed her a pic of Danderson. This bitch literally said he was the best dick he had ever had. This is where shit got weird... she mentioned a guy named clark. We all know who clark is. its insane she actually remembered these details. so she remembered a guy clark on speaker phone telling dan to not do it. over and over again. and we wonder why dan lost all of his money. apparently this was the reason for the vegas bathroom incident. She was like 5 shots of crown royal in and stood up. There was live music playing and she started screaming " I am innocent and fucked daniel larson". I honestly was in shock. I am not part of management but am friends with them. You all have your opinions from being redditards, but when you hear names dropped from a random hooker in a cigar bar in vegas.... you should question said peoples motives.

So I have been dealing with this the past week and it's driving me crazy. My nose will get completely sealed shut from congestion to where I cant breathe at all through it and have to push hard to blow it, and after blowing it I have maybe 30 seconds of slight relief before it's clogged again.
But the weird part is, it only has been happening in my house. If I take my dog on a walk outside or go somewhere else it will go away til I get back home and have been sitting down for a 15-30 minutes. However, it's not clogged 24/7 I'm at home. In the morning it is clear and usually for a couple hours after that.
I'm trying to figure out what has changed in the last week and I can't come up with anything.
Please, for the love of god, somebody help me fix this.ENT help needed. Nose gets completely clogged for the majority of the day - but only in my house.
Other information: I am about 190lb, white, I am on Prozac and Buprenorphine daily (Just switched actually to Brixadi, once a week Buprenorphine shot). I have Seroquel or Trazadone to take if I want to at night. I do use recreational drugs. Pretty much all of them in the past. Recently (Past 14 days) I have done Marijuana, Meth, MDMA, and GHB.
Also - I was taking Zyrtec for about ~5-7 days because I had dry skin (I think eczema) around my eyes and my doctor recommended I take an allergy medication. I'd never had eczema (or anything like it) around my eyes before. Also was putting hydrocortisone cream on it, but it's cleared up. I stopped taking Zyrtec

Context: issues with cocaine, anxiety and depression in the past.
I’m at work and the whole place is redesigned. All the new changes are ugly. The chaos starts when I can’t find any cups that match, many are dirty. I find two that do and when I fill them they turn into plastic. I try to find copies of the old menus but I can’t they are replaced will all sorts of different designs that are all equally bad. (I wonder to myself why g hasn’t hired me to redesign it for him). The place is packed with lines outside but only a few tables are sat inside. I struggle to greet them but my staff seems to be on it.
In the background some of my staff are retreating to cry about something, seems like important news but no one will tell me. The only coworkers I see throughout the whole dream are antonalla, Areli and an ex-employee, Eva. She and a chubby man were helping glue decorations to new versions of the menu.
My nose begins to bleed, enough to be concerning but not enough to concern others. I head to the bathroom to wipe my nose, a man sees me and says nothing. I see myself in the mirror and my whole face is read and I have small bumps and sores on my face I rub them a bit and they get bigger and the sores get deeper. I reach for another paper towel and my face is completely torn apart by lesions and sores. I look again and it’s back to normal. I think nothing of it and turn to go back to the dining room, on my way out a group of about 6 kids are there smoking meth through very long pipes. (There was only one kid on the toilet doing that as I entered the bathroom).
I complain to my co-manager that there are kids smoking up in the bathroom, she thinks it’s gross and says I should tell them a fee will be added to their bills. She really wants to do it so she hands me the reservation sheet and goes to the bathroom. I don’t understand the sheet.
A group of sixty arrive (originally they say they are a party of two) and I look to see if we have space. Antonella returns and helps me. We do have a space but we need to get the room ready for 60. The party walks in before we can arrange the room and I get upset, they turn around but I tell them to stay as they’re already here. Antonella turns to me and gets on top of me and tries to kiss me. I resist (quite a lot). I’m incredibly uncomfortable. When I finally allow her to she breaks her tongue off while it’s in my mouth. It was a jolly rancher. A woman from the party sprays us with something (hand sanitizer? Water?) and I snatch it and spray her back. I call her a bitch.
The dining room has turned into a bed inside a bedroom that is neither of ours. I ask her if I look ok. She says yes. There’s a mirror in the room and I look I have one normal eye and one that looks as if it was wrapped in a napkin and put back in my socket. It’s very bloodshot. I have two small balls in my nostrils as well. I remove one and it seems to be another eye. I look back and my deformed eye has gotten massive, and my normal eye has grown as well. Both look yellow with bloodshot iris.
I go to the bathroom to look at myself and this time I look perfectly normal. I’m relieved but I do the test again and move to a bathroom with a larger mirror but the light switch doesn’t work so I leave the door open and use the light from the hall. My eyes are cat eyes and the irises are red. They remain this way. I keep trying to toggle the switch to turn the light on but it doesn’t work. My eyes are still red cat eyes, everything else is normal. I turn and notice there’s a small bruise on the back of my neck where my hairline meets skin. I go back down the hall looking for a bathroom with a working light but I wake up before I can find it.
TL;DR: chaotic work dream where I see my reflection either bloody, peeling, with engorged eyes or (most interestingly for me) with red cat eyes. Themes of drug use and stress throughout.

Why is it that people I see under the influence of meth? fentanyl? are bowed at the waist as if looking down at their toes when they walk around? They tend to have their head cocked to one side and they bend at the waist. Is it something to do with the drug? I’ve never used meth, but opiates made me nod and made my nose itch. Never had this weird posture thing…

PART 3

Max woke in the night to a plinking sound. He had fallen asleep crying over Scat, treat bag and collar on the table in full view. His eyes were blurry and sore, his nose was runny and sore and the nature channel was his distraction. Ruth was letting off a lovely glow and it warmed him to think of Scat so lovingly curled around her, day in and day out. He let out an almost-sob. He didn’t want to give her back. Didn’t want to wake up.
Eventually Max pried one eye open and surveyed the room. TV still on, duvet still over him, the floor wasn’t wet and the ceiling wasn’t leaking, so where was the…
Plink.
Ruth.
Max sighed and rolled over, the duvet making a break for the floor before being dejectedly scooped up again and deposited back across his lap. The small cloud of Scat’s fur wafted off the floorboards and turned Max’s heart. He contemplated going back to the escape of sleep, but finally sat and rubbed his eyes, held his aching head in his hands for a moment and, dropping his hands and lolling his head back, Ruth came into focus. The central glass disc that she had made like a rosette for herself had grown, bloated out. It looked a bit like a tortoise shell, glittery and iridescent and very Ruth, except now, it had…
“Diamonds!” Max yelped, miraculously fully awake.
There, underneath the bulbous disc was a tiny pile of painfully perfect diamonds, so exuberant in colour they seemed almost alive. He could see clean through the pile itself each one was so clear, with a miniature rainbow refracted inside. They were scattered across the table and he realised they were dropping from all over the glass tubes, the largest ones plinking from the central disc.
“Holy cow! What the hell, Ruth! This is amazing! I mean, how did you do that?”
Ruth plinked another diamond from the disc, meanwhile the bobbing gyroscopic mass that had accumulated in the disc decided to bob itself towards Max and answer him with a spiral of flashes and disco lights.
“You really are a crazy, crazy little thing, you know that?” he asked, picking up a diamond and examining it against Ruth’s emitted light show. He threw his t-shirt across the table top and spread the diamonds out on it. There must have been fifteen of them, simply perfect and all different shapes to each other, irregular and yet symmetrical.
Max collapsed into the dining chair next to the table.
Why did they happen today? Why now of all days? It had been nearly a week since he was entrusted with Ruth and she seemed pretty stable up till yesterday. She had grown that diamond factory bulge that reminded him of a tortoise, yes, but now it almost looked like an expensive, old-fashioned sweet dispenser that you get in the bowling alley or in the shopping centres in posh areas. The kind they stuck between the raised beds of fake forest-looking plants in the food court, the kind that were there to tempt the kids after their unfulfilling and unappreciated fast-food dine-outs but used all your pocket money for one jaw-breaker.
Max tried to backtrack. What had he done differently? If he could figure it out, maybe he could persuade Ruth to make more diamonds… his friend would never have to know, he could get Scat a little headstone, and if he could figure out how it worked he could reverse it so there wouldn’t even be any evidence. No, his friend would surely know. Max could save a few diamonds and give them to him and say she just started… have to work out the details later. First things first.
“So, Ruth. Why are you giving me these little nuggets of joy, huh? What did I do to warrant this spectacle?” He talked to Ruth, but she didn’t respond. No movement, just the usual swirling around. Max watched the glass disc closely through his puffy eyes but couldn’t see where the diamonds fell from, nor anything that would suggest a factory line of compressed carbon was in progress. She seemed to be slowing down.
Max pressed his brows together, then slowly lifted the fern up onto the table again. This was the only thing different. The bamboo was outside and Scat was…
A wave of horror flooded over Max. He launched himself out of his chair and sprinted to the window and, ripping back the voile, he saw the bamboo had grown six feet over night. He knew it grew fast from watching that documentary about tropical rainforests but this was a stretch too far. Much too far. That damned thing hadn’t grown in years…
“Ruth,” he said turning to her, “what did you do?”

For the next few hours, Max observed Ruth from across the room. The discovery channel was on in the background, as always. Ruth didn’t seem to do much without it these days but for a hunk of glittery glass and brass Max supposed not much was interesting unless it moved or had nothing whatsoever to do with man-made things. Suited him just fine. Who needs politics anyway?
Apparently, Ruth had taken it upon herself to make the fern shrivel up and increase her diamond production, much to Max’s exuberant happiness and overwhelming horror. He shoved the sofa to the far end of the room and started putting all his household plants in the spaces between the table and himself. The kitchen herbs went first.
He had taken one of the diamonds down to the swanky precious stone and metal specialist at the posh end of town (his name was Horace, apparently,) and had it valued. He took extreme pleasure in watching the man’s face freeze in wonder at the rock placed before him. I’ve never seen such a stone, Horace said. Never seen such a clear, colourful, perfect stone in my life, Horace said. It’s phenomenal, Horace said. Where did you get it, Horace asked. I inherited it, Max lied. It’s worth a fortune, Horace said. Thank you, I’ll have it back now, Max said. He made sure to stop by the garden centre on his way home.

The front room was a sea of plants. Max waded through them, deciding that a walkway to the door would be a vital escape route that shouldn’t be compromised, in case Ruth decided she had been on her vegetarian stint for long enough. Max had toyed with the idea of getting a fish tank or some other living creature to put next to her as a safeguard but he promptly remembered Scat and nearly broke down on the shop floor in front of the display tanks. Besides, the plants were working! There was already a multitude of stacks of plastic pots and trays next to the front door ready for recycling, and all the withered remains of whatever the pots had housed was scattered along the borders amongst the dog daisies and tulips. Ruth was putting out a considerable amount of stonage these days. Max bought an old bank safe online. It was currently sat in the hallway because that’s as far in as the two couriers could lift the thing, and there was no way on god’s green earth that Max was going to let them into the front room and risk them getting curious. The safe was only waist-high and wasn’t too ugly, so the hallway it was.
Max carefully spun the dial clockwise, anti-clockwise, clockwise again, on and on, muttering under his breath as he read from the bit of paper he guiltily kept in his pocket alongside his friend’s contact details. He used his whole bodyweight to wrench open the door and deposit the load of diamonds in a mason jar, nestled it in next to its siblings that were already full and stacked up there. He had set up a system of small tubs under the hotspots for diamonds drops and his favourite whiskey glass under the place where the large diamonds fell. He emptied them regularly, always aware that someone might knock on the door, he might need to pee or Scat might need to go outside (no, poor thing, he was there already). His kitchen was full of boxes of new mason jars and his lounge was full of plants, like some weird meth lab. A thrill of fear swept down Max’s back and up through his throat looking at all those jars, heavy with precious stones. He knew the smallest one alone would make him a disgustingly wealthy man. Horace had confirmed it.
Two days later, and there was no more space in the safe. Nowhere else to put those little rocks. Max decided to give Ruth a break, let her rest while he decided what to do next. He couldn’t have a house full of safes, his friend would already think it was weird that the one in the hallway appeared out of nowhere. Max put a coffee table over it, covered it with a tablecloth and some old bank statements, throwing on a phone charger for authenticity.
He had taken to talking to Ruth while the documentaries were on, she seemed to like that. He had been taking daily trips to the garden centre and leaving with a fully loaded car, right up until they looked at him suspiciously (he was a renowned leave-it-to-the-bugs kind of gardener; after years of failed attempts at keeping his plants alive and fruitless efforts of the garden centre employees to dispense advice he could keep to), so he started frequenting other nurseries as well.
Today, he was going to figure out how Ruth did it. He had to know. In his mind it was the equivalent of finding out how the Egyptians built the pyramids (because it obviously wasn’t aliens,) and the fact that even his friend didn’t know what this thing could do was something altogether more impressive! He may well have created it, but it was Max who had realised Ruth’s full potential, it was Max who had figured out the process, it was Max who had discovered the balance of life and death. Nobody could take that from him. But to really put the boot in, he wanted to know how.
“Come on, Ruthy, tell me how you do it. Let me see you do it, just once.” Max waited for a response. There was none. Then…
Plink.
He had seen! He knew now! Ha!
“Yes! That’s it! That’s the ticket! I knew it, old gal, this is going to be such an epic day! I can’t wait to see their faces, suck on THAT!”
Max jumped, air-punched and whirled around the front room, ecstatic in his discovery. Never again would they look down on him! Never again would they look at him like he was an idiot because he couldn’t get the printer to print on both sides of the paper, they wouldn’t reject him, the girls would think he was funny, he was going to be filthy rich, he could save the world! He, Max, was all powerful.
Oh yes. That’s what I’m talking about.

Ugly, stinky, greasy and gross, A bitch that loves doing the most Unflattering, her skin, so meth addict looking, A husband in the back, Crack rock cooking
She uses makeup products daily to disguise her face And everyone keeps telling her it’s just a waste. She is still ugly, And ugly she’ll always be Embrace your unfortune, And free you may be.
The drugs are tearing her body all up, A cunt ass bitch, would have no such luck Her hair is stringy, and yes she is bald It’s truly no wonder her man is appalled
Onto the next subject, Her pussy is stinky, It’s probably brown and rotten, Definitely no longer pinky.
She rides her Aerie up her coochie crack Nose and chin, eerily pointy just like a tack. Her face is shaped like a crescent moon, Her made up career, will be ending very soon.
She’s a beggar, a liar, a stinky bitch, a junkie The drugs are the root of why she looks funky Bullied in school, Searching for validation Then she created her freak army nation.
They are no better, ugly, fat, bald, toothless or old Losers group together, And attempt to be bold. I wonder how it feels, To have NOT ONE FRIEND, Drug useage death, Is near on the mend.
It’s coming closer and closer As she withers away, And when the time comes Not one person will be in dismay.
Imagine being so lonely, No purpose at all The end is approaching, And soon she will fall.
M

I've had this... person in my head for about 20 years now, and I have to give him the lore he deserves.
I'm not too good at drawing faces so it doesn't look like the guy in my head, it doesn't matter. It's more about his personality than his likeness.
𝐒𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐡 𝐒𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐲𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐫 ⅩⅢ
AKA: Dark Santa, the Un-Santa, Ol' Snag, Saint Scrap
The great Shame of Christmas,
The bastard son of Santa Claus himself,
Patron Saint of Electrical Wire Scrappers,
———————— 🎄Santa comes down from the chimney.
🗡Snaggletooth comes up out of the toilet. ———————— 🎄Santa leaves gifts under the Christmas tree.
🗡Ol' Snag cuts your power and scraps your electrical wires. ———————— 🎄Santa Claus is portly from eating all the cookies, with a thick white beard, and laughs heartily, "HO HO HO!"
🗡Ol' Snag is gaunt, with burns and sores all over his hands from scrapping all the electrical wiring, and has an oily thin curly-q mustache, whacks off on your toothbrushes and growls, "OH OH OH!" ———————— 🎄If you leave milk and cookies out overnight, Santa will eat them, leaving a few crumbs and an empty cup of milk as evidence.
🗡If you leave your pets roaming about overnight, Snag will take them to train for cage-fighting matches, leaving any bells or collars behind as evidence. Also if you leave your cell phone sitting out he will try to get into it for blackmail purposes. ———————— 🎄Santa wears a fluffy, red & white winter coat, big belt, red pants, with big black boots, and you can hear him because he's got bells on.
🗡Ol' Snag wears a tattered lime-green wife-beater and faded turquoise sweatpants with stains and you can't hear him because he's barefoot. ———————— 🎄Santa Claus has a magical gift sack that has unlimited space for storing all the gifts he gives out.
🗡Ol' Snag has a magical rolled-up sweatpants leg which can be rolled forever which has unlimited space for storing all your wire and valuables. ———————— 🎄Santa loves children and enjoys Christmas because it's all about giving. But he has a naughty list and a nice list and if children are naughty he gives them a lump of coal instead of gifts, but this is because he "loves them and he wants them to be good." (Supposedly)
🗡Ol' Snag enjoys Christmas because it's all about getting. He doesn't keep any lists because he finds generally finds children more-or-less equally shitty. The only value children have to him is that they're easy marks. ———————— 🎄Santa rides a sleigh pulled by reindeer with one special reindeer at the front whose nose glows so bright that it allows them to see at night.
🗡Ol' Snag rides a scooter pulled by a pack of hyena with one special hyena at the front with rabies, whose mouth foam froths so white, that it shines at night and lights the way. ———————— 🎄Aside from leaving gifts under the Christmas tree, If you hang stockings up, Santa Claus will stuff small gifts inside them.
🗡Aside from leaving jizz on your toothbrush, if you leave your toilet seat up, Ol' Snag will drop a turd in there for you because he's always got the shits. If the toilet seat is closed however he gets angry and pulls the lid off the top of the toilet and hides a turd in the toilet tank. ———————— 🎄Santa has a workshop on the north pole with many elves that are busy making Christmas presents. Mrs Claus is Santa's other half and she lives up there with him.
🗡Ol' Snag has a sweatshop on an abandoned cargo ship on the equator. They make counterfeit cigarettes, cheap fentanyl, crystal meth, and disinformation propaganda for supporting various genocidal warlords around the world. Instead of elves working for the Un-Santa, his staff is mostly the blackmailed children of whom he had accessed their phones in his night-time house visits. One particular child caught his attention, which he kidnapped and abused for 2 decades. In Snaggle's warped mind, this child was like a prodigal son. He eventually escaped from Snaggle's captivity to become a hermit in a cave on a mountaintop. That child grew up to become the famous Grinch Who Stole Christmas. ———————— I think it would be fitting such a character truly gets their traits from many people, not just me. A character like this isn't really living up to their potential without being created from the minds of an aggregate cultural source.
So let's go!
What else would the Un-Santa do? What else would he look like? What's his backstory? (Snaggletooth Stinkeye Henchoker is just a placeholder) we can change it, but I like Ol Snag because he takes, and Henchoker is cuz he whacks it in people's bathrooms. Other ideas are welcome all around.
This is an opportunity for us to vomit forth our most depraved, foul, offensive, appalling ideas formed into a singular lump of a miserable schmuck.
I've been adding traits alongside the original Santa's traits to show the lore-pairing that I've sourced but any format should do. Let's birth this magnificent Tulpa.