Senior gift to the school ideas

Tldr the love of my life was sexually assaulted in a pub restroom and i didn't murder the bastard who did it because I didn't know how severe it was and also i was scared of someone much stronger
From childhood, I was a selfish and cowardly person who, because of these two qualities, coupled with inexperience, let down family and friends. I was beaten by my parents and offended at school, both by teachers and classmates, and I never knew how to answer. On the contrary, it began to seem to me that my bitter experience allows me to offend others, to take everything from life. I was very wrong, but definitely karma will bite me for this. My bad character and my grotesquely disgusting appearance (my left eye is lazy) led to the fact that I was fatally deprived of female attention and jealous of the men in my environment who drowned in it. Therefore, when on August 14, 2021, the most beautiful girl in my life, whom I had known for three years, invited me on a date herself, confessed her feelings to me and kissed me, I was the happiest person in the world. She was special. The most beautiful woman, dyed red hair and played rts videogames and watched anime, even let me touch her and seemed to want sex with me. However, in 48 hours everything turned upside down.
I witnessed the horrendous harassment of her on August 16th and did nothing. The rapist, our former friend, stood up and towered over her began to somehow strangely demand a kiss from her when we gathered for, as it seemed to me then, the most ordinary drinking party. I felt that she was not comfortable, but then I had no idea how bad everything was. I was too frightened by a physically stronger man to stand up for my beloved, especially since we had not officially dated yet. My God, I should have intervened already then!
The next morning, on August 17, I received a message that if I stood for her, she would have thought whether we should date or not, and since I did not see this, she does not see the point. I sobbed nine times after this message. I'm ready to cry over her right now too. What I didn't know at the time was that shortly after the kiss-demanding incident, he followed her to the restroom and started molesting her. Very bad. I even continued to communicate with this bastard for some time, not knowing the whole story. I learned about the whole picture only a week later, when we met with her in the same company on other friends birthday party (but without the rapist). It was a very difficult conversation and I made a mistake in it, my stupid head. I said complete nonsense and selfishly tried to cling to any little thing, somehow trying to rehabilitate myself, but this only hurt my beloved more. When I tried to promise that I would behave differently if I had known the full story or next time, she started making fun of me. Fucking hell. I cut off all contacts with the assaulter that same evening I had learned the full story, and he was still surprised, he said, “Why does it bother you? Fell in love with her? ”, To which I answered in the affirmative and sent the bastard to the Blocklist, after which, in the spring, I began to talk about his atrocities to the girls in our common institute. Although it hardly mattered, it was our last year at the university.
Somewhere in February, I blocked my beloved everywhere I could, because I realized that my feelings for her were not mutual and having her in my contact list, I only hurt myself. I hoped that I would forget it. Not at all. With a red-hot iron, her image is burned into my brain, heart, in my eyes. My mind is clouded, I feel disgust, shame, regret, depressive sadness, I want to cry forever. I thought that the gym and the study of foreign languages would somehow distract me from the manic desire to end a meaningless life in which I would never again touch the most beautiful and nicest woman on the planet. I began to hate my own sexuality and gladly would have self-castrated myself.
Even right now I pendulum from asexuality to wanting to fuck everyone, anyone at the first given chance. I wish this had never happened.
I want her back. More than anything in the world. I failed her. Now I have no one and nothing. My reputation is also ruined because she told everyone what happened. So now even if I wanted to find another girlfriend, I will never be able to because none would trust a coward such as myself.
It was my first time dealing with such situation and I just froze.
I wrote to my beloved and asked her forgiveness. She doesn't blame me, but when I said that I was ready to do everything for her safety for free, she said "no, but thanks for the offer." I wrote that I understand that she does not trust me, but suddenly yes, and that this is the first time in my life this has happened, to which she said that in any case I am glad that everything is fine with me and I wrote to her. I wrote her a paragraph that she gave me a lot of good emotions and this topic is difficult for me, and I want the best and make sure that everything is fine, she replied with one line "have a nice day" I wrote "you too" and deleted the chat.
I am very sad that she does not trust me and does not see me as a reliable person. She doesn't have to date me or anything, but her not trusting me hurts so much. Like a knife in the heart. I didn't do it on purpose, I panicked because it was the first time. It makes me cry and want to die so much.
Even if at some point I wanted to settle for someone else (I will never be nearly as happy as with her), I won't be able to because she told everyone what happened and news in Baku spread like forest fire.

48M married to 48F for 22 years with a 9 yo daughter with severe ADHD and anxiety. 9 yo sleeps in our bed with my wife and I sleep in another room. They go to bed around 8:30 at night; wife gets up at 4:30 for alone time. I work 55-60 hours a week as an owner of a company and travel for work 1-2 times a month; she works full time but typically 7-3 every day. We have a number of relationship issues, resentment, and unhappiness, not to mention a dead bedroom, but I have no idea how to solve any of this when there is no time for us to even communicate without our daughter being around. She (daughter) wants to be around mom constantly and other than school and other activities is incredibly demanding of my wife. We have very few couples friends (my wife is not very social and I’m very unattractive), our families have health issues so can’t provide any childcare, and we have trouble even finding babysitters. We are both in poor health from not being able to exercise. We have not been able to spend more than 24 hours away from our child in over 4 years. I don’t know how we can even find the time to talk about our issues and communicate. Every time I bring anything up my daughter acts up and all of the attention in the household is diverted to her. We’re in the middle of a 10 day vacation in a hotel room and I feel incredibly lonely, depressed, and hopeless. Tl;dr: relationship problems that there isn’t even the ability to talk about.

This is a throwaway account obviously, but tl:dr is that my father in law has 2 daughters still living with him, one is 17 and the other is 15. He is an alcoholic and doesn't take proper care of them. We don't have the ability to care for them. What options are available to the girls now that they're quite old?
I'm not sure where to start, so I'm sorry if this is a bit of a ramble. My FIL and their family used to live 6 hours north of us in a shipping container "home" away from big towns and WiFi and what-not. Unfortunately my MIL died at the end of 2020, and FIL was forced to move down to Sydney with his daughters so he could get a job and start sending them to school again. Suffice it to say that he has failed to step up to the plate when it comes to responsible parenting.
He has finally managed to hold down a job for the last few months, but he still struggles with time and money a little. My wife and I don't have the funds to help out very much currently, nor does his eldest daughter and her partner. However, he doesn't make it much easier for himself. He gets the girls, who are both already overweight with no motivation to exercise, take-out almost every night. His rental house is filthy all the time, riddled with mould, smells awful, and the girls do nothing to help around the house, despite neither really going to school. The 17 year old has stopped completely and is sort of doing some short course things, but has an incredible aversion to authority and pretty bad anger issues. The 15 year old doesn't want to keep going to school and has fewer anger issues but similarly has no motivation to do much at all.
I understand that this is a really difficult set of circumstances for any single parent to navigate, but FIL is doing the bare minimum, and sometimes less. He's a bit of a conspiracy theorist, and as touched on above hates WiFi, believes Covid is a conspiracy of some sort, is anti-vax, and doesn't really believe in the education system either. So he knows he should send them to school, but when push comes to shove and the school/courts come knocking, he says it's all bullshit and schools are useless anyway. Obviously this is not conducive to them actually going. He's also an alcoholic, and literally never goes a day without it. He only just got his driver's license back, but I'm worried he will pose it again. He drinks every night, often forgets to feed the girls until it's too late to do anything but order them McDonald's, and is prone to fits of anger and shouting when drunk. He has his mates over every Saturday night for jam sessions where he again often forgets to feed his daughters, and they have told us that they don't feel comfortable with all of them in the house.
He refuses to go to the doctor or dentist for himself, despite having awful teeth from decades of smoking, but worse he also won't take the girls to the dentist for their bad teeth, or the doctor for their various health issues. We have taken them a few times in the past, but often they are themselves convinced they don't need to go. This is another thing I'm concerned about, he's been spouting such harmful nonsense for so long that they believe a lot of it. I am worried they will never truly gain independence, and will not transition well into adulthood at all. I have often toyed with the idea of involving authorities, but I don't really know what that looks like here in Sydney. I would want to do it anonymously, but again I don't know where to start or who to speak to. Would I go straight to CPS? Or is there some service I can get advice/less direct help from? Even my wife agrees that it may be time for intervention, because we have all done all we can but nothing seems to get through to my FIL. We can't teach an old dog new tricks.
Sorry if not all of this makes sense, I just want to know if we have any options available to get the girls help, because they really need it. They cannot stay in that house with him much longer. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Hi everyone my girlfriend recently broke up with me and I’m really not sure what to do. I’m a senior in high school, and I know that’s young, but I really did love her with all my heart and it seemed so abrupt. Later I found out she had been emotionally cheating but some part of me still loves her. I’ve been pretty depressed the last week and I don’t feel like doing anything. Any tips please.

Good day, kind people,
I'll jump into it, I am going to make a "Lan Party" setup for my nephews during the summer, trying to get them into PC gaming as a first step and then getting them into IT by showing them the things I did to achieve what I am currently trying to do.
Like what the title suggests I want to have the minimum amount of computers for multiple players. (for old pc games, e.g Age of Empires 2 HD edition)
What I can do with my current knowledge is 1. Get one PC each which will cost the most probably, I can get refurbished Dell or hp machines that will run such games fine for 100$ more or less. but let's say 4 people will be playing at any given time, that's 400$ and I end up with e-waste after summer ends and they go back to school and they won't be learning anything awesome.

1. find an old server with as many pcie slots and get old gpus, say 4, and build a gaming server using proxmox but it is very hard to find a motherboard with 4 slots that will be compatible with an ATX case and quiet coolers.
   
2. vgpu unlock, which I miserably failed to do many times, the best I could do with it is split the gpu and get one VM to run only and others won't start, then again I still have to buy thin clients to be able to connect to the VMs ( I am more than willing to do this if it's reliable )
   
3. SRIOV, I don't think this is viable since the only hardware that supports this are intel igpus and I don't think games would be able to run with an igpu sliced into 4.
   
4. Hyper-V, which I have no clue how to do but am willing to learn if it will help my case ( I have seen videos about splitting GPUs on using Hyper-V on Windows 10 and 11 and it is very interesting )
   

I posted here cause I didn't know where else to post this, thought of /VFIO but that is more niche than /sysadmin
ideas anyhow, I would be glad to know if someone does have any different ideas or if I should pursue any of the above-mentioned ideas.

1,000 days! This was my next big personal goalpost after 1 year. But today is bittersweet because my senior cat and I are waiting on some critical results. He’s fading. I might have to make a big decision for him on Monday. But - I’m not drinking about it. And for the past 1,000 days I have been present for him, home at night and I’m so grateful for my sobriety and the gift it gives back. Pray for the comfort of my boy: Dr. Spaceman. He was with me for my party days (I found him in a dumpster at a bar) and he’s now seen me through my 20s and pretty far into my 30s. He’s a fantastic cat I’m glad I could really be there for him when he’s needed me the most over the past two years. IWNDWYT. I’m proud of myself, I haven’t even wanted to. 🖤

I'm thinking of joining our school's varsity tryout for volleyball this summer and the dates are TBA yet. How could I prepare for it asides from practicing physically? I'm still unaware about the textbook communications, setups and plays. Do y'all have any tips or volleyball materials you could share with me so I could make it?
About me: Grade: Senior Height: I'm 5'9 / 5'10 (some say I stand around 5'11 lol) Sports Background: I can go along with any varsity players at their sport (except swimming and table tennis lol)
I'm 70% sure that I could make it, considering 2 of our tall players in the volleyball varsity has graduated already. Anyways, wish me luck as this can lead me to a sport I will fall in love with forever :)) 🫶🏼

Hey everyone! I was pleased by the overwhelming interest I got in my collection, as someone who has a passion for building soil and hunting beans for unique phenos the last 15 years. I am glad how many people appreciate true one of kind heirloom genetics!
Why am I getting rid of them? Simply put - I am trying to go the legit route and this state is making it beyond difficult. I need to recoup and regroup. Any support is much appreciated. I’ve waited my whole life for this.
Pricing - I updated below. Much of my collection is very hard to find one of kind stuff that is highly sought after. No random pollen chucking, true bred stabilized genomes. There’s a lot of history in that list as well if you’re someone who understands the genomics of the plant. You’ll see breeder, where they’re out of, the strain name, the cross and a little bit of history / description on some of it. Some very very special stuff. Pricing is either what I paid for it or a little more if it’s something special that’s not easy to find or not being bred anymore.
*Each strain is in original packaging stored in a curidor at a steady 52 degrees, no light, no humidity. I find this is the best way to store beans for long term storage and guaranteed high germination rates. I usually get 97-100% germ rate with my germination method which I will include on a printed out sheet for anyone who grabs any of my offerings. I want you to succeed and find something special - I cherish my collection and sad to see a lot of it go but you gotta do what you gotta do. I’d really like to see this stuff go to growers who care about the plant and preserving the uniqueness to it for years to come. Hope all of this helps
Here is the full list:
coasttocoastgenetics@gmail.com (get in touch)
{Regs}

~ Oni Seed Co (Maine) ~ 

Tropicanna Cookies F2 - Girl Scout Cookies x Tangie (multiple award winner) [R] 250 ~ Elev8 Seeds (Seattle, Washington) Tangerine Cookies - Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies x Tangie [R] 120

~ Mountain Organics ~ 

Cosmic Lotus - Gonzo x TOVR (Thai, Afghan, Haze, Northern Lights) [R] 120 Maya - Acapulco Gold x Lotus [R] 120 Gold Rush - Colombian Gold x Lotus [R] 120 The One BC1 - 1976 Highland Thai x 1971 Kandahar Afghani [R] {Clackamus Coot} 150 {See Mountain Organics Genetics PDF (now MOB seeds) for more info on genetic lineages.} ~ MOB seeds (Mountain Organics) ~ Psyche - The One BC1 x The One BC1 (Afghani Hybrid) [R] 120 Eros - The One BC1 x The One BC1 (Thai Hybrid) [R] 120 The One BC2 - The One x The One BC1 [R] 120 Morpho (Blue Lotus F2) - Blue Gonzo x Lotus [R] 120 Blue Gonzo BC1 - Blue Gonzo x Blue Lotus [R] 120 {Blue Gonzo - The One x (Nevilles Haze x NL5) (blue pheno)}

~ Symbiotic Genetics / The Village (Sacramento, California) ~ 

Mimosa - Clementine x Purple Punch F2 [R] (multiple award winner) 200 Banana Punch - Banana OG x Purple Punch F2 [R] 200 Cherry Punch - Cherry AK47 x Purple Punch F2 [R] 200 Wedding Crashers - Wedding Cake x Purple Punch F2 [R] 200 Orangeade - Tangie x Purple Punch F2 [R] 200 Big Block - Motorbreath 15 x Purple Punch F2 [R] 200 {Purple Punch lineage - Larry OG x Granddaddy Purple}

~ Exotic Genetix - EG Mike (Washington) ~ 

{Over 50x Cannabis Cup Awards since 2008} Tina F2 - (Tina x Tina) Constantine x Triple OG [R] (multiple award winner) 200 Paradise Circus - Tropicanna Cookies x Tina [R] 200 Cookies & Creme - Mystery Cookies x Starfighter F2 [R] (multiple award winner) 250 Big Smooth - OG Blueberry x Cookies & Creme [R] 200 Scoops - (Gelato x Tina) x Cookies & Creme F2 [R] 200 Strawberries & Creme F2 - Strawberry x Cookies & Creme F2 [R] 250

~ Dying Breed Seeds - Shiloh Massive (Mendocino, California) ~ 

California Black Rozé - Rozé x OG eddy [R] 350 Red Rozé - Rozé x Adonai [R] 350 Sour Zkittlez - Zkittlez x Candy Zkittlez #3 x Adonai [R] 400 Watermelon Zkittlez - Watermelon Zum Zum #3 x OG Eddy [R] 400 {Zkittlez - Grape Ape x Grapefruit} {Adonai - (Russian Kush (LA Cut) x Silver Tooth (Super Silver Haze x Train Wreck)) x Sweet Tooth}

~ Humboldt Seed Company (Humboldt County, California) ~ 

Blueberry Muffin F5 - Purple Panty Dropper x Razzle Berry [R] 100 Purple Mountain Majesty F3 - Purple Train Wreck x Train Wreck x Blueberry Muffin [R] 100 Amethyst F3 - Purple Panty Dropper x Blueberry Muffin [R] 100 Mango Sherbert F3 - Mango Trees x Mango Kush x Sherbert [R] 100 {2018/2019 HSC Phenotype mega hunt - Best 0.1% selected out of 10k plants} Mango Trees F5 - Mango Kush x Humboldt OG x Jack Herer [R] 100 Banana Mango F3 - Mango Trees x Banana OG x Blueberry Muffin [R] 100 Magic Melon F3 - Mango Trees x Honeydew Melon x Mango Sherbert [R] 100 Pineapple Upside Down Cake F3 - PUDC BX3 x Pineapple Train Wreck x Cookie Monster [R] 100 {2019/2020 HSC Phenotype mega hunt - Best 0.1% selected out of 10k plants} Very Cherry - Old Timer Seed x Lemon Kush Bx3 [R] 100 Vanilla Frosting - Humboldt Frost OG x Humboldt Gelato Bx3 [R] 100

~ Gage Green Group (Detroit, Michigan) ~ 

Grateful Breath F2 - OGKB (OG Kush Breath) x Joseph OG [R] 400 5th Dimension - Out Of Body Experience x Synchronicity [R] 300 Guiding Light - Out Of Body Experience x Breathwork [R] 300 Luna Golden - High School Sweetheart 2 x Synchronicity [R] 300 Mo Lune Day - Motorbreath 15 x Breathwork [R] 300 {Out of Body Experience - (Skywalker OG x Grateful Breath) x Grateful Breath F2} {Synchronicity - Irene x Grateful Breath} {Breathwork - Mendobreath x Grateful Breath} {High School Sweet Heart - Cherry Pie Kush x Grateful Breath}

~ Dominion Seed Co - Duke Diamond (Virginia) ~ 

Stash Plant - The Puck (Skelly Hashplant) x Screaming Eagle [R] 140 Munson - Northern Lights #5 x Screaming Eagle [R] 140 Kough Drop - Strawberry Afghani x Screaming Eagle [R] 140 Free Bird - Headband x Screaming Eagle [R] 140 Shine Apple - Virginia Beach Afghani x Screaming Eagle [R] 140 Pine Bomb - Sensi Durban Poison x Screaming Eagle [R] 140 {Screaming Eagle lineage - Airborne g13 x (88 g13 Hashplant x Kandahar Afghani)} Granny Skunk - Virginia Beach Afghani x (Skelly Hashplant x SSSC Skunk #1) [R] 200 Local Skunk - Original Diesel x (Cuddlefish HP x Sour Diesel IBL) x (Skelly Hashplant x SSSC Skunk1) [R] 200 Sis Skunk - Chem Sister x (Skelly Hashplant x SSSC Skunk1) [R] 200

~ Lucky Dog Seed Co - SkunkVA (Virginia) ~ 

{Holder, Preserver, Sharer of the most elite / influential Chemdog cuts in existence.} Dog Patch - Chemdog 91 Bx2 x Chemdog D [R] 150 Hunza Valley 91 - Skelly Hashplant x Chemdog 91 Bx3 [R] 150 Road D.O.G. - Crossroad Chem x Chemdog 91 Bx2 [R] 150 Chem Fuego - Sour Band (Sour Diesel x Headband) x Chemdog 91 Bx3 [R] 150 Double Krush - Chem Krush x Chemdog 91 Bx2 [R] 150 Guerilla Fume - Silver Chem (Silverback OG x Chemdog 91) x Chemdog 91 Bx3 [R] 150 Bohemian Highway - Occidental Kush x Chemdog 91 Bx3 [R] 150 SkunkVA Chemdog 91 S1 - Chemdog 91 x Chemdog 91 [F] {Crossroad Chem - Chemdog 91 x SFV OG Kush Bx2 (Chem pheno)} {Chem Krush - Chemdog 91 x SFV OG Kush Bx2 (Kush pheno)} {Chemdog 91 lineage - Nepalese x Thai Landraces} Chemdog 91 is considered to be “the godfather” in cannabis genetics and has paved the way for some of the most popular strains in history such as Sour Diesel and OG Kush. Chemdog lineage can be found in most modern day hybrid genetics and these crosses are from there original seed stock - Original Skunk VA Chemdog 91 S1 gifted to me by Headies Gardens. Friend & Distributor of Skunk VA genetics Lucky Dog Seed Co.}

~ Green Bodhi (Eugene, Oregon) ~ 

{Intentional Horticultural ~ Mexican ~ Thai ~ Afghani} Hazy Kush - Hazy Kush x Hazy Kush Bx2 [R] (extremely unique genotype in Phylos Galaxy) 120 Hazy Dog - Dog Walker OG x Hazy Kush Bx2 [R] 120 Hazy Star - Stardawg x Hazy Kush Bx2 [R] 120 Hazy Sour - Sour OG x Hazy Kush Bx2 [R] 120 Hazy OG - OG Kush x Hazy Kush Bx2 [R] 120 Hazy Ghost - Ghost OG x Hazy Kush Bx2 [R] 120 Sour 78 (Tenzin Kush) - Sour OG x 78 LA Affie OG [R] (extremely unique genotype) 200 Dog Walker 78 - Dog Walker OG x (Sour OG x 78 LA Affie OG) [R] 150 Kosher 78 - Kosher Kush x (Sour OG x 78 LA Affie OG) [R] 150 SBSE 78 - Sour Best Shit Ever x (Sour OG x 78 LA Affie OG) [R] 150 Ancient Tenzin #2 - Tenzin Kush #2 x Ancient OG (72 Iranian x Snow Lotus) [R] 200 Ancient Tenzin #4 - Tenzin Kush #4 x Ancient OG (72 Iranian x Snow Lotus) [R] 200 {Hazy Kush lineage - Golden Pineapple x ((Trainwreck x Purple Affie) x (OG Kush x SAGE))}

~ Old World Genetics - DJ Short (Eugene, Oregon) ~ 

Newberry F5 - Blue Heaven F4 x DJ Short Blueberry F4 Male [R] 300 Velvet Krush F5 - FXW #4 Mother x DJ Short Blueberry F4 Male [R] 300 Blueberry F5 - Highland Thai x Afghani Indica [R] (first place indica cannabis cup 2000) 150 {Blueberry seeds are F4-F5 selectively bred from pure Landrace P1s since the 1970s. The mother for DJ Shorts Blueberry is over 20 years old - Selected in 1998 and rereleased in 2004.}

~ Dynasty Genetics - Professor P (Portland, Oregon) ~ 

Oregon Huckleberry IBL - Oregon Huckleberry F4 x Oregon Huckleberry Bx3 [R] 150 Mt. Hood Huckleberry F4 - Mt. Hood Huckleberry F3 x Mt. Hood Huckleberry F3 [R] 150 Huckleberry Kush V5 - Oregon Afghani x Oregon Huckleberry [R] 150 Crater Lake V6 - Super Silver Haze F2 x Oregon Huckleberry [R] 120 Alpenglow - Cherry Vanilla Cookies x Oregon Huckleberry 2017 #5 [R] 120 Blue Magoo Bx2 - Blue Magoo x Blue Heron #111 [R] 120 Salmon River OG - Pre 98 Bubba x Blue Heron #111 [R] 120 Birds Of Paradise - Kali Snapple x Blue Heron #111 [R] 120 Starduster - Pre-99 East Coast Sour Diesel x Ms. Universe (clone) [R] 120 {Kali Snapple - (Snowbud x Pineapple) x Kali Mist (Pre 2000)} {Ms. Universe - Dess*tar (Starship x Kali Mist) Mother x Space Queen F3 Farther} {Oregon Huckleberry - Oregon Blueberry (Blueberry X Temple Flo) X Morning Glory (Hawaiian x Afghani x Shiva Skunk)} {Blue Magoo - Oregon Blueberry F4 x Williams Wonder F2} {Blue Heron - Blue Magoo x Blue Magoo / Huckleberry}

~ Relic Seeds - Professor P (Portland, Oregon) ~ 

{Preservation of Rare Heirloom ~ Landrace ~ Unique CBD Varieties} Relic Grapefruit - Grapefruit IBL x Grapefruit F2 [R] 140 Durban Grapefruit - Durban Poison x Grapefruit F2 [R] 140

~ Massive Seeds (Rogue Valley Terroir, Southern Oregon) ~ 

{Bred, Grown and Harvested outdoor at 42.0 Latitude (Same Latitude as mid Hudson Valley) Some of the largest growing / biggest yielding plants on record with massive uniform nugs.} Pineapple Pomegranate F3 - Pomegranate x Applegate Hornblower [R] 140 Durban Pomegranate F2 - Durban Poison x Pineapple Pomegranate F3 [R] 140 Black Pomegranate - Pineapple Pomegranate F3 x South African Landrace [R] 140 Rogue Valley Wreck - Big Wreck x Blueberry Snow [R] 120 Summer Sunset OG - Purple Hindu Kush x Lemon Larry OG [R] 120 Mint Sunset - Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies x Summer Sunset OG [R] 120 Purple Lemon Chem - Chem 91 x Summer Sunset OG [R] 120 Snow Skunk - Yuki Dog x Purple Lemon Chem [R] 120 Chem541 - Chem91 Bx1 x (Chem91 x Session Sour Diesel BX1) [R] 120 {Pomegranate - Shishkaberry x Blueberry x Oregon Snow x Lemon Pineapple} {Applegate Hornblower (Pineapple Trainwreck) - Mexican x Thai x Afghani}

~ Freeborn Selections - Mene Gene (Mendacino, California) ~ 

Piña F4 - Super Silver Haze x ((Dirt x Bigbud) x (Dirt x Purp) [R] 300 Sky Cuddler Kush F3 - PK x (Skywalker OG x (PK x (Hindu x Big Red) [R] 300 Lime Pop Kush F3 - OG x (PK x Black Lime) [R] 300 Cherry West Bx - Cherry West x (Cherry West x Cherry Limeade) [R] 300 {Thoroughly worked lines over at least 3-4 generations before released to the public.} {(Dirt x Bigbud) x (Dirt x Purp) and (Big Red) are 80s Afghani lines from Santa Cruz.} Black Lime Reserve F2 {Eclectic Elegance Preservation} - Northern Lights x Purple Kush x Chemdog Special Reserve [R]

~ Emerald Mountain Legacy - Mandelbrot Brothers Family Heirlooms {Ras Truth} ~ 

Royal Kush IX (Bx10) - (Sour Diesel x Highland Afghani) x Southern Humboldt Purple Kush [R] 350 Oil Spill (Bx5) - XXX OG x Royal Kush 7 [R] 300 Royal Spill - (XXX OG x Royal Kush 7) x Royal Kush 8 [R] 300 The Real Rozé - (Zkittlez x Royal Kush 7) x Royal Kush 8 [R] 300 Royal Limez - (Zkittlez x Black Lime Reserve) x Royal Kush 8 [R] 300 Royal Maui Berry - Diesel Maui Dawg x Blackberry Kush x Royal Kush 9 [R] 250 {Royal Kush genome is one of the most sought after stabilized / homogenized IBLs in existence from the heart of the Emerald Triangle in Northern California.}

~ Karma Genetics (Holland) ~ 

Biker Kush (Ha-OG Bx2) - Ha OG x Biker Kush V1 [R] 150 Sour Power OG - Sour Power (cup winning cut) x Biker Kush V1 [R] 150 Tha Melon - Melon x Biker Kush V1 [R] 150 Karma Sour Diesel Bx2 - Rez Sour D x (Rez Sour D x (Rez Sour D x Biker Kush v2)) [R] 350 Headbanger - Rez Sour D (KG cut) x Biker Kush V1 [R] {2013 Amsterdam Cannabis Cup 1st} 300 Josh D OG - SFV OG x Triangle Kush x Hells Angels OG [R] 300 {Real OG Kush Story - Josh D & Matt “Bubba” Berger began developing these genetics in Orlando, Florida back in 1991.} {Biker Kush v2 - Ha OG x (Ha OG x (Ha OG x SFV OG Bx2))} (cup winning genetics) {Sour Power - Starbud x East Coast Sour Diesel} (cup winning genetics) {Sour Diesel used in Karma Sour crosses is a KG cut of a Rez Sour D IBL selected in 2007}

~ Surfr Seeds (Pacific Northwest) 

Citrus Tsunami - Tropicana Cookies x Orange Zkittlez [R] 100 Island Zkittlez - Sour Strawberry x Orange Zkittlez [R] 100 North Shore - Mendo Purps x Orange Zkittlez [R] 100 Endless Summer - Purple Punch x Orange Zkittlez [R] 100 So Pitted - MAC1 x Orange Zkittlez [R] 100

~ Pacific North West Roots - Ras Kaya Paul (Washington) ~ 

Koffee F5 - Alien OG x Alien Kush {Rare Pacific Northwest Roots Hierloom IBL} [R] 300 Black Koffee - Black Dog Kush Bx4 x Koffee F5 [R] 300 Koffee & Donuts - Glazed Cherries F4 x Koffee F5 [R] 300

~ Green Source Gardens (Southern Oregon Heirlooms) ~ 

Pinkleberry Kush F5 {Mendacino Blackberry Kush Hierloom IBL} [R]

~ HBK Genetics ~ 

Chile Verde - Key Lime Pie x Lavender [R] 300 {Emerald Cup 2018 Winner - Best Personal Use} {Key Lime Pie - Durban Poison x Cherry OG x OG Kush} {Lavender - Super Skunk x Big Skunk Korean x Afghani Hawaiian}

~ Alien Genetics ~ 

Sour Apple IX (IBL) - Sour Apple IBL x Sour Apple IBL [R] 350

~ Mos_Cutty ~ 

Cherry AK 47 IBL (Original Serious Seeds stock) 250 {AK47 - Colombian x Mexican x Thai x Afghani} [R]

~ Motherlode Gardens (Yosemite, California) ~ 

Ancient OG F5 - 1972 Iranian Landrace x Snow Lotus {Bodhi Seeds Hierloom IBL} [R] 200

~ Twenty20 Genetics (Mendacino, California) ~ 

SFV OG Bx5 (SFV OG IBL) - San Fernando Valley OG Kush [R] 150

~ Elev8 Seeds (Seattle, Washington) 

Bruce Banner OG - OG Kush (Ghost Cut) x Strawberry Diesel [R] 140

~ Jaws Genetics ~ 

Fruity Pebbles OG IC1 - Fruity Pebbles OG F2 x Fruity Pebbles OG F1 [R] 200

~ OrgnKid / Zoolander ~ 

Banana OG F3 - OG Kush x Sagmartha strain [R] {Original Seed Stock} 200

~ GG Strains (Las Vegas, Nevada - RIP Joesy Whales) ~ 

Gorilla Glue #4 IBL (Original Glue) - GG4 x GG4 Bx6 [R] 300 {Original Seed Stock of Michigan / Los Angeles High Times Cannabis Cup Winner 2014 and High Times Jamaican World Cup Winner.}

~ FYG Tree (Santa Cruz, CA) ~ 

Black Rose F13 (Heath Robinson IBL) - Black Russian x Shiva Skunk (purple pheno) [R] 200 Shiva Skunk Bx - Shiva Skunk x Black Rose F12 [R]

~ AK Bean Brains (Anchorage, Alaska breeder and old school genetic preservationist holding beans & cuts for over 30 years from original Dutch Seedbank stocks.) ~ 

N L #1 x N L #5 [R] 100 TK/NL5 Haze - Triangle Kush x Northern Lights #5 [R] 100 (Northern Lights #1 x Big Skunk) x Northern Lights #1 [R] 100 (Big Skunk x Northern Lights #1) x Super Skunk [R] 100 95 Black Domina - Northern Lights x Ortega x Hash Plant x Afghani [R] 100 Black Domina Bx (Black Domina x Pacific Northwest Hash Plant) x Northern Lights #1 [R] 100 (Black Domina x Matanuska Thunder Fuck) x Northern Lights #1 [R] 100 Matanuska Thunder Fuck Bx3 - Alaska Thunder Grape x Dutch Thunder Fuck [R] 100 {Northern Lights was brought to Neville Schoenmakers in the Netherlands in 1985, where he worked the line before releasing it under “The Seed Bank of Holland” ~ NL #5 became the High Times Cannabis Cup Winner in 1989, 1990 and 1992 and is considered one of the most influential strains of all time. These seeds have been preserved in Alaska since the late 80s.}

~ The Nature Farm (Real NorCal Culture) ~ 

Cheddar Skunk V2 - 89’ UK Cheese (Exodus Cut) x Uncle Festers Skunk #18 IBL [R] 100 Hidden Hills Skunk - 94’ SFV OG x Uncle Festers Skunk #18 IBL [R] 100 Uncle Festers Skunk #18 IBL aka Skunkbud - Afghani Indica x Mexican Sativa (64’ Brick Weed) x Colombian Gold & Red [R] 100 {Original Hells Angels strain bred in 1964 by “Uncle Fester” an early 60’s psychologist turned outlaw. Authentic Original Skunk #1 lineage that is pre Skunkman. Preserved / held by family in Northern California over 3 generations.}

~ Doc D Seeds ~ 

Bandaid Haze ix 3.0 (Piff) - Cuban Black Haze x A5/Thai [R] 200 (2 packs) {These seeds originally came from a Spanish grower in the “A5 crew” out of Southern Holland. “A5” was short for their NL#5 x Haze A open Thai pollination project. These seeds were shared with legendary grower Bodhi, who found one male and used it to pollinate a cut of “Cuban Black Haze” that he had. The strain was referred to as “Piff” and the seeds were shared almost exclusively with Doc D. After running the seeds, Doc selected “Piff #7” and shared the cut back with Bodhi who further worked the line. The cut was a significantly better long flowering haze variety with a shorter flowering time than the Cuban Black Haze mother or A5 father. Bodhi then later referred to the strain as “Bandaid Haze” coining the term because he said “it heals all wounds” This genome has direct lineage to the New York Hazes (NYC Piff / Uptown Piff / Washington Heights Haze) of the 2000s without any of the paranoia/anxiety that came from many of the hazes from that era. Many world renowned breeders agree that most of the “New York Haze” and “New York City Piff” varieties are all just different cuts of the same strain, that most likely comes from an early selection of Neville Schoenmakers (NL#5 x Haze) which is often referred to as the “pinnacle of cannabis breeding” that has dominated cannabis scene from the 1980s in Holland to the present day.}
{Fems}

~ Mass Medical Strains (Massachusetts) ~ 

Star Pupil - Purple Thai x Afghan/Pakistan [F] 150 {High Times Flower of Month - Jan. 2017} Pu Tang - Star Pupil x Tangie [F] {High Times Top 10 Strains of 2019} 150 Grape Pupil - Pu Tang x Star Pupil [F] 150 Triangle Pupil - Triangle Kush x Star Pupil [F] 150 Bubba Pupil - Pre-98 Bubba Kush (Katsu Bluebird) x Star Pupil [F] 150 Nepali Blue - Nepalese White Mountain Charas Sativa Heirloom x Blue Magoo Bx2 [R] 200

~ Compound Genetics (Portland, Oregon) ~ 

Gelateria - Acai Berry Gelato x Jet Fuel Gelato [F] 150 Liquid Imagination - Blue Zkittlez x Jet Fuel Gelato [F] 150 Icicles - White Sherbet x Jet Fuel Gelato [F] 150 Petrol Rainbows - Sour Gelato 5 x Jet Fuel Gelato [F] 150 The Menthol S1 - The Menthol x The Menthol [F] 150 {Jet Fuel Gelato - Gelato 45 x (High Octane OG x Jet Fuel G6)} {The Menthol - Gelato 45 x (White Diesel x (High Octane x Jet Fuel G6))}

~ Phinest Cannabis (Sacramento, California) x Cannarado (Colorado) ~ 

PB Souffle - Dosidos x Lava Cake [F] 150 Lava Breath - Mendobreath F3 x Lava Cake [F] 150 Magma Cookies - Cuvee Cookies x Lava Cake [F] 150 {Lava Cake - Grape Pie x Thin Min Girl Scout Cookies} {First major genetic line released to public that was created from tissue culture / micropropagation - RIP Jai Malloy (founder of Phinest Cannabis)}

Especially when it’s been awhile so I go to message badge bot and I see when I last reset it, thinking “oh I could’ve had 273 days sober by now….”
So, here I am at day two yet again. The sun is shining and I don’t have work today and I’m the only one awake. So with the echos of all the past advice I’ve read in this sub before, I’m gonna go to the library and rent This Naked Mind. I’m also going to make a list of hobbies to take up the free time I anticipate having. So far, I’m thinking of tye dye since I already have so many shirts but I always just buy them and I remember making them in elementary school so hey! Why not? And speaking of the library, I was told they have free veggie seeds and I love gardening so wish me luck on that one too. :)
If anyone wants to list off hobbies they’ve found in sobriety I am open to all ideas and I always love hearing from everyone here!
Have a wonderful day everyone.
IWNDWYT

So my best friend whom I've known since grade school has a tendency towards depression and reluctancy to leave her house or do things. She's a glass half empty gal. Every time I make a suggestion or invite her to something she shoots it down. There's always some kind of reason or issue with some idea. I stopped inviting her places and I also stopped making suggestions. I'm at the point where I dont know if I should walk away or bring it up in conversation.

Ok so, I (14F) have known this boy (14M) who I will call “A” since I was in third grade, and we are obviously in the same middle school. We are both incredibly intelligent and good at writing, however people always put him above me. I feel like he isn’t more successful than me academically though. Infact I am more successful than him, i’m in the gifted program and in student council neither of which he is in.
Anyways, I have always resented him because he gets more praise for the same writing and work that I do. I think we’re both funny, I always make him laugh and he makes me laugh. However, I can’t help but to resent him even though I think we both have the same qualities; hes attractive and i’m very sure I am aswell, hes smart and I know I am aswell and we’re both popular and funny; adults are always saying so.
Its just like hes so perfect and I would give anything to recieve the same kind of praise he does. I mean even I adore him but like not in a romantic way, its just like hes always been someone who likes classical literature even though nobody else in our grade is intrigued by it and its just heinous knowing I probably won’t be able to speak to him in highschool because he’s one of my favorite people. I’m not really sure if how I feel about him is romantic, like sometimes I just want to hug him if that makes sense lmao. Oh I included our writing from sixth grade when we did a group project together copy pasted ↓
Mine: As soon as the recollection of the three bodies came cascading upon Bass in a choking flood of stinging details, Bass began to perspire and tremble. Something that was a recurrence in this impeccable novel is the mention of the Comanches- a belligerent indigenous group of people to America. The name was sure to bring fear to even the brawniest of men, Comanche had tolled in them like a portentous gong. There was a sinister and unlikely coincidence between the violent happening around the Native American territory that made the Comanche one of the most hideous of omens. In reality though the Comanches were a brutal community, bring treated with a biblical veneration. However I would like to take a mature and systematic evaluation of why they may do these things. For one, us Americans drove them out if the land they had lived in for centuries, brutally burning down their communities and making them walk grueling trails and rough rocks to arrive at a territory riddled with mediocrity. Overall I believed that the Comanches were a symbol or vim and freedom throughout this novel.
His: There are several prominent names that have established themselves as important threads upon the rich tapestry of Western History; Several Outlaws and desperados are recalled for the formidable forced they possessed upon their communities. Billy the Kid, Wyatt Earp, Doc Holliday- all of these names have been of flourishing recognition, yet there are only mere vestiges of traces upon a true legend; a figure of immaculate morals (a trait that was a rare rose within a grotesque haven of weeds.) This very man that I speak of was born into slavery and- at the age of seventeen- relinquished the clutches of his owner prerequisite to venturing into the sibylline, crime-riddled depths of the Indian Territory where he would elude the treacherous dangers amidst his path to grow older to be a man of law; a valiant marshal in which turned a horrendous domain (the indian territory) into a place of order. This man went by the name of Bass Reeves.

my friends and i (all 18F) are on a grad trip with our entire HS senior class for the weekend, there are around 100 of us in total. one guy (let’s call him Matt, 18M) in our class is also on the trip, and he’s always been kinda socially awkward - he doesn’t have friends at school and is pretty much an outsider. i can see why to a certain extent, he’s not malicious but he’s very gauche with bad manners which is understandably off-putting, our class is usually very welcoming and everyone has friends except him, but i’ve always been nice and inclusive towards him. to clarify, i’m not saying that he deserves to be socially ostracised as i’ve experienced it myself in middle school, but not having clean habits and generally being gauche is on him, tbf.
the other day, 5 of my friends and i went out for dinner, and Matt was sitting across from us alone. i asked him if he’d like to sit with us, and though he declined he did come and eat some of our food (after asking). the thing is, my friends don’t really know him, and they felt visibly awkward - but in his defence we’ve all been in the same school for the past 4 years, so it’s not like he was a total stranger either. when we were leaving, i asked if he had a ride back to our hotel, to which he said ‘no, i was kinda expecting that you would take me back since we’re staying at the same place’. i didn’t ask them beforehand whether we could take Matt home with us bc it was a spur-of-the-moment thing and i didn’t want Matt to be left alone without any transport back. still, what he said was bizarre to me because we’re at a resort town, not our home city - why wouldn’t anyone plan a route home from a place they’ve never been to for safety’s sake?
on the way back, none of the other girls were really talking to Matt and were texting my friend sitting next to me up front as a liaison, because they didn’t want to talk to him directly for whatever reason, which i felt was really mean. when we got home and he left the cab, they said to me that they don’t want to take someone back at random without consulting them first, especially someone they barely interacted with. to which i reminded them that it was a spontaneous decision and it would be far better than leaving our classmate alone in a new place, regardless of whether they like Matt or not - i didn’t have time to consult them anyways. AITA?

I (26F) feel paralyzed with anxiety and regret right now. Last fall, I applied to several graduate programs. I was offered a fellowship that pays for a part-time program at a well respected school. The terms of the fellowship require that I stay in my current job while completing the program, and work in my current position for a year after graduating. I feel very grateful to have received this offer, but after accepting I am filled with regret and panic.
After thinking about it nonstop for the last 2 months and speaking with a therapist, I don’t think I want to go through with the program for a number of different reasons. However, I have signed the letter of commitment, told everyone in my life that I am doing the program, and told all of my coworkers that I'm doing the program. We are supposed to have orientation for the program on Monday and there is a media release for the fellowship on Tuesday. I have registered for classes that are supposed to begin on Monday.
It feels like it would be the complete end of the world if I were to back out now. After double checking the class drop policies, I know that I can get out now without any financial penalty (if I were to continue with the program and drop out I would owe back the amount I’ve paid in tuition). However, I would be upsetting the fellowship staff, confusing my family who all think that I’m doing the program, and humiliated at the idea of telling all of my coworkers, friends, and family that I've decided to back out. I don’t know how to move forward and feel paralyzed by the anxiety.
Have you ever had to make a decision that felt right for you but that upset a lot of people? How do you deal with people not understanding and judging the decisions you make? I feel trapped and overwhelmed about moving forward.

Hey everyone! I was pleased by the overwhelming interest I got in my collection, as someone who has a passion for building soil and hunting beans for unique phenos the last 15 years. I am glad how many people appreciate true one of kind heirloom genetics!
Why am I getting rid of them? Simply put - I am trying to go the legit route and this state is making it beyond difficult. I need to recoup and regroup. Any support is much appreciated. I’ve waited my whole life for this.
Pricing - I updated below. Much of my collection is very hard to find one of kind stuff that is highly sought after. No random pollen chucking, true bred stabilized genomes. There’s a lot of history in that list as well if you’re someone who understands the genomics of the plant. You’ll see breeder, where they’re out of, the strain name, the cross and a little bit of history / description on some of it. Some very very special stuff. Pricing is either what I paid for it or a little more if it’s something special that’s not easy to find or not being bred anymore.
*Each strain is in original packaging stored in a curidor at a steady 52 degrees, no light, no humidity. I find this is the best way to store beans for long term storage and guaranteed high germination rates. I usually get 97-100% germ rate with my germination method which I will include on a printed out sheet for anyone who grabs any of my offerings. I want you to succeed and find something special - I cherish my collection and sad to see a lot of it go but you gotta do what you gotta do. I’d really like to see this stuff go to growers who care about the plant and preserving the uniqueness to it for years to come. Hope all of this helps
Here is the full list:
coasttocoastgenetics@gmail.com (get in touch with us) coasttocoastgenetics.com (coming soon)
{Regs}

~ Oni Seed Co (Maine) ~ 

Tropicanna Cookies F2 - Girl Scout Cookies x Tangie (multiple award winner) [R] 250 ~ Elev8 Seeds (Seattle, Washington) Tangerine Cookies - Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies x Tangie [R] 120

~ Mountain Organics ~ 

Cosmic Lotus - Gonzo x TOVR (Thai, Afghan, Haze, Northern Lights) [R] 120 Maya - Acapulco Gold x Lotus [R] 120 Gold Rush - Colombian Gold x Lotus [R] 120 The One BC1 - 1976 Highland Thai x 1971 Kandahar Afghani [R] {Clackamus Coot} 150 {See Mountain Organics Genetics PDF (now MOB seeds) for more info on genetic lineages.} ~ MOB seeds (Mountain Organics) ~ Psyche - The One BC1 x The One BC1 (Afghani Hybrid) [R] 120 Eros - The One BC1 x The One BC1 (Thai Hybrid) [R] 120 The One BC2 - The One x The One BC1 [R] 120 Morpho (Blue Lotus F2) - Blue Gonzo x Lotus [R] 120 Blue Gonzo BC1 - Blue Gonzo x Blue Lotus [R] 120 {Blue Gonzo - The One x (Nevilles Haze x NL5) (blue pheno)}

~ Symbiotic Genetics / The Village (Sacramento, California) ~ 

Mimosa - Clementine x Purple Punch F2 [R] (multiple award winner) 200 Banana Punch - Banana OG x Purple Punch F2 [R] 200 Cherry Punch - Cherry AK47 x Purple Punch F2 [R] 200 Wedding Crashers - Wedding Cake x Purple Punch F2 [R] 200 Orangeade - Tangie x Purple Punch F2 [R] 200 Big Block - Motorbreath 15 x Purple Punch F2 [R] 200 {Purple Punch lineage - Larry OG x Granddaddy Purple}

~ Exotic Genetix - EG Mike (Washington) ~ 

{Over 50x Cannabis Cup Awards since 2008} Tina F2 - (Tina x Tina) Constantine x Triple OG [R] (multiple award winner) 200 Paradise Circus - Tropicanna Cookies x Tina [R] 200 Cookies & Creme - Mystery Cookies x Starfighter F2 [R] (multiple award winner) 250 Big Smooth - OG Blueberry x Cookies & Creme [R] 200 Scoops - (Gelato x Tina) x Cookies & Creme F2 [R] 200 Strawberries & Creme F2 - Strawberry x Cookies & Creme F2 [R] 250

~ Dying Breed Seeds - Shiloh Massive (Mendocino, California) ~ 

California Black Rozé - Rozé x OG eddy [R] 350 Red Rozé - Rozé x Adonai [R] 350 Sour Zkittlez - Zkittlez x Candy Zkittlez #3 x Adonai [R] 400 Watermelon Zkittlez - Watermelon Zum Zum #3 x OG Eddy [R] 400 {Zkittlez - Grape Ape x Grapefruit} {Adonai - (Russian Kush (LA Cut) x Silver Tooth (Super Silver Haze x Train Wreck)) x Sweet Tooth}

~ Humboldt Seed Company (Humboldt County, California) ~ 

Blueberry Muffin F5 - Purple Panty Dropper x Razzle Berry [R] 100 Purple Mountain Majesty F3 - Purple Train Wreck x Train Wreck x Blueberry Muffin [R] 100 Amethyst F3 - Purple Panty Dropper x Blueberry Muffin [R] 100 Mango Sherbert F3 - Mango Trees x Mango Kush x Sherbert [R] 100 {2018/2019 HSC Phenotype mega hunt - Best 0.1% selected out of 10k plants} Mango Trees F5 - Mango Kush x Humboldt OG x Jack Herer [R] 100 Banana Mango F3 - Mango Trees x Banana OG x Blueberry Muffin [R] 100 Magic Melon F3 - Mango Trees x Honeydew Melon x Mango Sherbert [R] 100 Pineapple Upside Down Cake F3 - PUDC BX3 x Pineapple Train Wreck x Cookie Monster [R] 100 {2019/2020 HSC Phenotype mega hunt - Best 0.1% selected out of 10k plants} Very Cherry - Old Timer Seed x Lemon Kush Bx3 [R] 100 Vanilla Frosting - Humboldt Frost OG x Humboldt Gelato Bx3 [R] 100

~ Gage Green Group (Detroit, Michigan) ~ 

Grateful Breath F2 - OGKB (OG Kush Breath) x Joseph OG [R] 400 5th Dimension - Out Of Body Experience x Synchronicity [R] 300 Guiding Light - Out Of Body Experience x Breathwork [R] 300 Luna Golden - High School Sweetheart 2 x Synchronicity [R] 300 Mo Lune Day - Motorbreath 15 x Breathwork [R] 300 {Out of Body Experience - (Skywalker OG x Grateful Breath) x Grateful Breath F2} {Synchronicity - Irene x Grateful Breath} {Breathwork - Mendobreath x Grateful Breath} {High School Sweet Heart - Cherry Pie Kush x Grateful Breath}

~ Dominion Seed Co - Duke Diamond (Virginia) ~ 

Stash Plant - The Puck (Skelly Hashplant) x Screaming Eagle [R] 140 Munson - Northern Lights #5 x Screaming Eagle [R] 140 Kough Drop - Strawberry Afghani x Screaming Eagle [R] 140 Free Bird - Headband x Screaming Eagle [R] 140 Shine Apple - Virginia Beach Afghani x Screaming Eagle [R] 140 Pine Bomb - Sensi Durban Poison x Screaming Eagle [R] 140 {Screaming Eagle lineage - Airborne g13 x (88 g13 Hashplant x Kandahar Afghani)} Granny Skunk - Virginia Beach Afghani x (Skelly Hashplant x SSSC Skunk #1) [R] 200 Local Skunk - Original Diesel x (Cuddlefish HP x Sour Diesel IBL) x (Skelly Hashplant x SSSC Skunk1) [R] 200 Sis Skunk - Chem Sister x (Skelly Hashplant x SSSC Skunk1) [R] 200

~ Lucky Dog Seed Co - SkunkVA (Virginia) ~ 

{Holder, Preserver, Sharer of the most elite / influential Chemdog cuts in existence.} Dog Patch - Chemdog 91 Bx2 x Chemdog D [R] 150 Hunza Valley 91 - Skelly Hashplant x Chemdog 91 Bx3 [R] 150 Road D.O.G. - Crossroad Chem x Chemdog 91 Bx2 [R] 150 Chem Fuego - Sour Band (Sour Diesel x Headband) x Chemdog 91 Bx3 [R] 150 Double Krush - Chem Krush x Chemdog 91 Bx2 [R] 150 Guerilla Fume - Silver Chem (Silverback OG x Chemdog 91) x Chemdog 91 Bx3 [R] 150 Bohemian Highway - Occidental Kush x Chemdog 91 Bx3 [R] 150 SkunkVA Chemdog 91 S1 - Chemdog 91 x Chemdog 91 [F] {Crossroad Chem - Chemdog 91 x SFV OG Kush Bx2 (Chem pheno)} {Chem Krush - Chemdog 91 x SFV OG Kush Bx2 (Kush pheno)} {Chemdog 91 lineage - Nepalese x Thai Landraces} Chemdog 91 is considered to be “the godfather” in cannabis genetics and has paved the way for some of the most popular strains in history such as Sour Diesel and OG Kush. Chemdog lineage can be found in most modern day hybrid genetics and these crosses are from there original seed stock - Original Skunk VA Chemdog 91 S1 gifted to me by Headies Gardens. Friend & Distributor of Skunk VA genetics Lucky Dog Seed Co.}

~ Green Bodhi (Eugene, Oregon) ~ 

{Intentional Horticultural ~ Mexican ~ Thai ~ Afghani} Hazy Kush - Hazy Kush x Hazy Kush Bx2 [R] (extremely unique genotype in Phylos Galaxy) 120 Hazy Dog - Dog Walker OG x Hazy Kush Bx2 [R] 120 Hazy Star - Stardawg x Hazy Kush Bx2 [R] 120 Hazy Sour - Sour OG x Hazy Kush Bx2 [R] 120 Hazy OG - OG Kush x Hazy Kush Bx2 [R] 120 Hazy Ghost - Ghost OG x Hazy Kush Bx2 [R] 120 Sour 78 (Tenzin Kush) - Sour OG x 78 LA Affie OG [R] (extremely unique genotype) 200 Dog Walker 78 - Dog Walker OG x (Sour OG x 78 LA Affie OG) [R] 150 Kosher 78 - Kosher Kush x (Sour OG x 78 LA Affie OG) [R] 150 SBSE 78 - Sour Best Shit Ever x (Sour OG x 78 LA Affie OG) [R] 150 Ancient Tenzin #2 - Tenzin Kush #2 x Ancient OG (72 Iranian x Snow Lotus) [R] 200 Ancient Tenzin #4 - Tenzin Kush #4 x Ancient OG (72 Iranian x Snow Lotus) [R] 200 {Hazy Kush lineage - Golden Pineapple x ((Trainwreck x Purple Affie) x (OG Kush x SAGE))}

~ Old World Genetics - DJ Short (Eugene, Oregon) ~ 

Newberry F5 - Blue Heaven F4 x DJ Short Blueberry F4 Male [R] 300 Velvet Krush F5 - FXW #4 Mother x DJ Short Blueberry F4 Male [R] 300 Blueberry F5 - Highland Thai x Afghani Indica [R] (first place indica cannabis cup 2000) 150 {Blueberry seeds are F4-F5 selectively bred from pure Landrace P1s since the 1970s. The mother for DJ Shorts Blueberry is over 20 years old - Selected in 1998 and rereleased in 2004.}

~ Dynasty Genetics - Professor P (Portland, Oregon) ~ 

Oregon Huckleberry IBL - Oregon Huckleberry F4 x Oregon Huckleberry Bx3 [R] 150 Mt. Hood Huckleberry F4 - Mt. Hood Huckleberry F3 x Mt. Hood Huckleberry F3 [R] 150 Huckleberry Kush V5 - Oregon Afghani x Oregon Huckleberry [R] 150 Crater Lake V6 - Super Silver Haze F2 x Oregon Huckleberry [R] 120 Alpenglow - Cherry Vanilla Cookies x Oregon Huckleberry 2017 #5 [R] 120 Blue Magoo Bx2 - Blue Magoo x Blue Heron #111 [R] 120 Salmon River OG - Pre 98 Bubba x Blue Heron #111 [R] 120 Birds Of Paradise - Kali Snapple x Blue Heron #111 [R] 120 Starduster - Pre-99 East Coast Sour Diesel x Ms. Universe (clone) [R] 120 {Kali Snapple - (Snowbud x Pineapple) x Kali Mist (Pre 2000)} {Ms. Universe - Dess*tar (Starship x Kali Mist) Mother x Space Queen F3 Farther} {Oregon Huckleberry - Oregon Blueberry (Blueberry X Temple Flo) X Morning Glory (Hawaiian x Afghani x Shiva Skunk)} {Blue Magoo - Oregon Blueberry F4 x Williams Wonder F2} {Blue Heron - Blue Magoo x Blue Magoo / Huckleberry}

~ Relic Seeds - Professor P (Portland, Oregon) ~ 

{Preservation of Rare Heirloom ~ Landrace ~ Unique CBD Varieties} Relic Grapefruit - Grapefruit IBL x Grapefruit F2 [R] 140 Durban Grapefruit - Durban Poison x Grapefruit F2 [R] 140

~ Massive Seeds (Rogue Valley Terroir, Southern Oregon) ~ 

{Bred, Grown and Harvested outdoor at 42.0 Latitude (Same Latitude as mid Hudson Valley) Some of the largest growing / biggest yielding plants on record with massive uniform nugs.} Pineapple Pomegranate F3 - Pomegranate x Applegate Hornblower [R] 140 Durban Pomegranate F2 - Durban Poison x Pineapple Pomegranate F3 [R] 140 Black Pomegranate - Pineapple Pomegranate F3 x South African Landrace [R] 140 Rogue Valley Wreck - Big Wreck x Blueberry Snow [R] 120 Summer Sunset OG - Purple Hindu Kush x Lemon Larry OG [R] 120 Mint Sunset - Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies x Summer Sunset OG [R] 120 Purple Lemon Chem - Chem 91 x Summer Sunset OG [R] 120 Snow Skunk - Yuki Dog x Purple Lemon Chem [R] 120 Chem541 - Chem91 Bx1 x (Chem91 x Session Sour Diesel BX1) [R] 120 {Pomegranate - Shishkaberry x Blueberry x Oregon Snow x Lemon Pineapple} {Applegate Hornblower (Pineapple Trainwreck) - Mexican x Thai x Afghani}

~ Freeborn Selections - Mene Gene (Mendacino, California) ~ 

Piña F4 - Super Silver Haze x ((Dirt x Bigbud) x (Dirt x Purp) [R] 300 Sky Cuddler Kush F3 - PK x (Skywalker OG x (PK x (Hindu x Big Red) [R] 300 Lime Pop Kush F3 - OG x (PK x Black Lime) [R] 300 Cherry West Bx - Cherry West x (Cherry West x Cherry Limeade) [R] 300 {Thoroughly worked lines over at least 3-4 generations before released to the public.} {(Dirt x Bigbud) x (Dirt x Purp) and (Big Red) are 80s Afghani lines from Santa Cruz.} Black Lime Reserve F2 {Eclectic Elegance Preservation} - Northern Lights x Purple Kush x Chemdog Special Reserve [R]

~ Emerald Mountain Legacy - Mandelbrot Brothers Family Heirlooms {Ras Truth} ~ 

Royal Kush IX (Bx10) - (Sour Diesel x Highland Afghani) x Southern Humboldt Purple Kush [R] 350 Oil Spill (Bx5) - XXX OG x Royal Kush 7 [R] 300 Royal Spill - (XXX OG x Royal Kush 7) x Royal Kush 8 [R] 300 The Real Rozé - (Zkittlez x Royal Kush 7) x Royal Kush 8 [R] 300 Royal Limez - (Zkittlez x Black Lime Reserve) x Royal Kush 8 [R] 300 Royal Maui Berry - Diesel Maui Dawg x Blackberry Kush x Royal Kush 9 [R] 250 {Royal Kush genome is one of the most sought after stabilized / homogenized IBLs in existence from the heart of the Emerald Triangle in Northern California.}

~ Karma Genetics (Holland) ~ 

Biker Kush (Ha-OG Bx2) - Ha OG x Biker Kush V1 [R] 150 Sour Power OG - Sour Power (cup winning cut) x Biker Kush V1 [R] 150 Tha Melon - Melon x Biker Kush V1 [R] 150 Karma Sour Diesel Bx2 - Rez Sour D x (Rez Sour D x (Rez Sour D x Biker Kush v2)) [R] 350 Headbanger - Rez Sour D (KG cut) x Biker Kush V1 [R] {2013 Amsterdam Cannabis Cup 1st} 300 Josh D OG - SFV OG x Triangle Kush x Hells Angels OG [R] 300 {Real OG Kush Story - Josh D & Matt “Bubba” Berger began developing these genetics in Orlando, Florida back in 1991.} {Biker Kush v2 - Ha OG x (Ha OG x (Ha OG x SFV OG Bx2))} (cup winning genetics) {Sour Power - Starbud x East Coast Sour Diesel} (cup winning genetics) {Sour Diesel used in Karma Sour crosses is a KG cut of a Rez Sour D IBL selected in 2007}

~ Surfr Seeds (Pacific Northwest) 

Citrus Tsunami - Tropicana Cookies x Orange Zkittlez [R] 100 Island Zkittlez - Sour Strawberry x Orange Zkittlez [R] 100 North Shore - Mendo Purps x Orange Zkittlez [R] 100 Endless Summer - Purple Punch x Orange Zkittlez [R] 100 So Pitted - MAC1 x Orange Zkittlez [R] 100

~ Pacific North West Roots - Ras Kaya Paul (Washington) ~ 

Koffee F5 - Alien OG x Alien Kush {Rare Pacific Northwest Roots Hierloom IBL} [R] 300 Black Koffee - Black Dog Kush Bx4 x Koffee F5 [R] 300 Koffee & Donuts - Glazed Cherries F4 x Koffee F5 [R] 300

~ Green Source Gardens (Southern Oregon Heirlooms) ~ 

Pinkleberry Kush F5 {Mendacino Blackberry Kush Hierloom IBL} [R]

~ HBK Genetics ~ 

Chile Verde - Key Lime Pie x Lavender [R] 300 {Emerald Cup 2018 Winner - Best Personal Use} {Key Lime Pie - Durban Poison x Cherry OG x OG Kush} {Lavender - Super Skunk x Big Skunk Korean x Afghani Hawaiian}

~ Alien Genetics ~ 

Sour Apple IX (IBL) - Sour Apple IBL x Sour Apple IBL [R] 350

~ Mos_Cutty ~ 

Cherry AK 47 IBL (Original Serious Seeds stock) 250 {AK47 - Colombian x Mexican x Thai x Afghani} [R]

~ Motherlode Gardens (Yosemite, California) ~ 

Ancient OG F5 - 1972 Iranian Landrace x Snow Lotus {Bodhi Seeds Hierloom IBL} [R] 200

~ Twenty20 Genetics (Mendacino, California) ~ 

SFV OG Bx5 (SFV OG IBL) - San Fernando Valley OG Kush [R] 150

~ Elev8 Seeds (Seattle, Washington) 

Bruce Banner OG - OG Kush (Ghost Cut) x Strawberry Diesel [R] 140

~ Jaws Genetics ~ 

Fruity Pebbles OG IC1 - Fruity Pebbles OG F2 x Fruity Pebbles OG F1 [R] 200

~ OrgnKid / Zoolander ~ 

Banana OG F3 - OG Kush x Sagmartha strain [R] {Original Seed Stock} 200

~ GG Strains (Las Vegas, Nevada - RIP Joesy Whales) ~ 

Gorilla Glue #4 IBL (Original Glue) - GG4 x GG4 Bx6 [R] 300 {Original Seed Stock of Michigan / Los Angeles High Times Cannabis Cup Winner 2014 and High Times Jamaican World Cup Winner.}

~ FYG Tree (Santa Cruz, CA) ~ 

Black Rose F13 (Heath Robinson IBL) - Black Russian x Shiva Skunk (purple pheno) [R] 200 Shiva Skunk Bx - Shiva Skunk x Black Rose F12 [R]

~ AK Bean Brains (Anchorage, Alaska breeder and old school genetic preservationist holding beans & cuts for over 30 years from original Dutch Seedbank stocks.) ~ 

N L #1 x N L #5 [R] 100 TK/NL5 Haze - Triangle Kush x Northern Lights #5 [R] 100 (Northern Lights #1 x Big Skunk) x Northern Lights #1 [R] 100 (Big Skunk x Northern Lights #1) x Super Skunk [R] 100 95 Black Domina - Northern Lights x Ortega x Hash Plant x Afghani [R] 100 Black Domina Bx (Black Domina x Pacific Northwest Hash Plant) x Northern Lights #1 [R] 100 (Black Domina x Matanuska Thunder Fuck) x Northern Lights #1 [R] 100 Matanuska Thunder Fuck Bx3 - Alaska Thunder Grape x Dutch Thunder Fuck [R] 100 {Northern Lights was brought to Neville Schoenmakers in the Netherlands in 1985, where he worked the line before releasing it under “The Seed Bank of Holland” ~ NL #5 became the High Times Cannabis Cup Winner in 1989, 1990 and 1992 and is considered one of the most influential strains of all time. These seeds have been preserved in Alaska since the late 80s.}

~ The Nature Farm (Real NorCal Culture) ~ 

Cheddar Skunk V2 - 89’ UK Cheese (Exodus Cut) x Uncle Festers Skunk #18 IBL [R] 100 Hidden Hills Skunk - 94’ SFV OG x Uncle Festers Skunk #18 IBL [R] 100 Uncle Festers Skunk #18 IBL aka Skunkbud - Afghani Indica x Mexican Sativa (64’ Brick Weed) x Colombian Gold & Red [R] 100 {Original Hells Angels strain bred in 1964 by “Uncle Fester” an early 60’s psychologist turned outlaw. Authentic Original Skunk #1 lineage that is pre Skunkman. Preserved / held by family in Northern California over 3 generations.}

~ Doc D Seeds ~ 

Bandaid Haze ix 3.0 (Piff) - Cuban Black Haze x A5/Thai [R] 200 (2 packs) {These seeds originally came from a Spanish grower in the “A5 crew” out of Southern Holland. “A5” was short for their NL#5 x Haze A open Thai pollination project. These seeds were shared with legendary grower Bodhi, who found one male and used it to pollinate a cut of “Cuban Black Haze” that he had. The strain was referred to as “Piff” and the seeds were shared almost exclusively with Doc D. After running the seeds, Doc selected “Piff #7” and shared the cut back with Bodhi who further worked the line. The cut was a significantly better long flowering haze variety with a shorter flowering time than the Cuban Black Haze mother or A5 father. Bodhi then later referred to the strain as “Bandaid Haze” coining the term because he said “it heals all wounds” This genome has direct lineage to the New York Hazes (NYC Piff / Uptown Piff / Washington Heights Haze) of the 2000s without any of the paranoia/anxiety that came from many of the hazes from that era. Many world renowned breeders agree that most of the “New York Haze” and “New York City Piff” varieties are all just different cuts of the same strain, that most likely comes from an early selection of Neville Schoenmakers (NL#5 x Haze) which is often referred to as the “pinnacle of cannabis breeding” that has dominated cannabis scene from the 1980s in Holland to the present day.}
{Fems}

~ Mass Medical Strains (Massachusetts) ~ 

Star Pupil - Purple Thai x Afghan/Pakistan [F] 150 {High Times Flower of Month - Jan. 2017} Pu Tang - Star Pupil x Tangie [F] {High Times Top 10 Strains of 2019} 150 Grape Pupil - Pu Tang x Star Pupil [F] 150 Triangle Pupil - Triangle Kush x Star Pupil [F] 150 Bubba Pupil - Pre-98 Bubba Kush (Katsu Bluebird) x Star Pupil [F] 150 Nepali Blue - Nepalese White Mountain Charas Sativa Heirloom x Blue Magoo Bx2 [R] 200

~ Compound Genetics (Portland, Oregon) ~ 

Gelateria - Acai Berry Gelato x Jet Fuel Gelato [F] 150 Liquid Imagination - Blue Zkittlez x Jet Fuel Gelato [F] 150 Icicles - White Sherbet x Jet Fuel Gelato [F] 150 Petrol Rainbows - Sour Gelato 5 x Jet Fuel Gelato [F] 150 The Menthol S1 - The Menthol x The Menthol [F] 150 {Jet Fuel Gelato - Gelato 45 x (High Octane OG x Jet Fuel G6)} {The Menthol - Gelato 45 x (White Diesel x (High Octane x Jet Fuel G6))}

~ Phinest Cannabis (Sacramento, California) x Cannarado (Colorado) ~ 

PB Souffle - Dosidos x Lava Cake [F] 150 Lava Breath - Mendobreath F3 x Lava Cake [F] 150 Magma Cookies - Cuvee Cookies x Lava Cake [F] 150 {Lava Cake - Grape Pie x Thin Min Girl Scout Cookies} {First major genetic line released to public that was created from tissue culture / micropropagation - RIP Jai Malloy (founder of Phinest Cannabis)}

First time poster here, had an idea for a short excerpt with Kassandra Curze based on the audio drama, A Lesson in Darkness, after I finished listening to it. Hope its all y’allz liking~ ////////////
The world screamed beneath her feet. It screamed with the chorus of over nine million souls as butchery rained down upon their roofs. The slurry of dismembered, flayed, and eviscerated corpses sending a maddening cacophony of panic through each pair of eyes who dared to look up above with hope. The debris weren’t just pieces of meat after all, it was the result of their defiance. The very men, women, and warriors who flew into the stars to meet the armies of the Imperium with foolish ideals of resistance in their hearts- now they lay in pieces and are eagerly falling back home.
“Terror as a scalpel.” The Primarch uttered to her son. “Mankind is a vindictive, grudge-filled, and hate-fueled creature. While many shall judge us for our method of war, we shall wield the fear of our ways like a scalpel. It shall pluck at their very foundation as anarchic animals right at its root.”
The captain nods, his inky black eyes filled with awe at staring at his gene-matron. His twin hearts beating in cold joy at the brutal lecture- he sees the nobility and monstrosity simultaneously. Kassandra Curze was a blood-stained angel.
Yet his own awe-strained thoughts were rocked by a singular question.
“Then, my lady, why do you command us to keep that mortal remembrancer around? Surely his account of our battles shall serve to stifle the fear we so-tenderly stoke?”
The Primarch paused, she didn’t expect her son to ask such a thing. While usually quick to anger, today she was treated to a gift from Starlight. She dare not sour the moment of her victory as well.
“It is not for his propaganda papers. He wishes to see…all of it.”
“All of it?” The captain chided.
“Yes.” Kassandra removes her helmet, “Of all the souls that have ever met my gaze no mortal has ever wished to see anymore as soon as eyes level. They see a monster, and that is by design, they see the Night Haunter. But Starli- I mean, the remembrancer. He sees me, the legion, and the blood of a thousand flayed men and he still does not turn away. He sees…me.”
The captain had been a veteran at this point and he had heard his Primarch talk about all manner of topics. From the complexities of human psychology and the myriad ways of battle, but this conversation, those words, he had no idea what she was saying. What stayed with him though, was her expression: She flashed a smile that almost seemed…tender.
Kassandra picks up on her son’s confusion and just sighs before putting her helmet back on. “Needless to say this world has been rendered compliant and I shall deliver this victory to the remembrancer personally.”

I know there's not much point in sharing this, but this is the first time this has happened to me and its messing with my brain. Me and this guy (23), were casually seeing each other for three months. Both having a lot going on we were just getting to know each other, not officially dating by any means, but regularly going on dates, etc. I had an amazing opportunity to travel with my grad school for the past month, which he knew was coming up. Conversation started to get slow close to trip, and I never got the chance to talk to him about if we want to keep texting while I was away. I would've been fine to put things on hold till I got back, given this was very new and honestly I didn't want to think about keeping in touch on my trip. However, he never responded to my text. So, wanting to push it out of my mind, I texted him about a week later, something along the lines of 'I enjoyed getting to know you, but it seems you no longer want to continue talking, best of luck'. He responded with an apology and continued the conversation. Being petty, I took the same amount of time to reply. I was quite nice and just said I understood, and asked him how he's been. Now, RADIO silence. That is so maddening, because I gave him an out, yet he continued to play with my emotions. I honestly am not even that head over heels for him, but having no idea why he ghosted me after things were going so well, I'm just at a loss. Also, he's still regularly liking my posts and viewing my stories. I just want to know how to let go of the confusion and anger this caused me. I'm someone with very high standards and usually easily let go of any man who slightly disrespects me, yet I'm having trouble doing this now. Now that I'm back in my home country, I have this little feeling once he hears that I'm back, he could reach out. Then again, he might never. Either way, I just want to learn to let this go and the power it has over me. Ghosting is mental torture lol. Thanks for listening.

Why are there kinds of people who love to make others lives harder? Sadly, some of those kinds of people are among the team who created DL2.
Here I am after finishing DL1. Starting DL2 not with high expectations, but with the same expectations as DL1. Just wanna enjoy the sequel of great franchise.
And oh boy, from the very moment I started the sequel I feel like someone keeps kicking me in the balls hard.
Starting with the fked up brightness. Everything is fkn dark, and don't dare to raise Gamma level from video settings, otherwise you fk up the picture's quality.
Fair enough, you gave me a flash light like DL1. Okay. Alright, I'm gonna use the flash light to see with. But naaaah, this is when these developers who haven't received love from their parents kick me in the balls again with turning OFF my flash light every fkn time there is a cutscene. And I have to fkn turn it back ON. AAAAH.
Ok. I've looted a machete. Cool let's use it. Normally in 99.99% of games , you swing any blade. You swing the fkn blade and you slash your enemies. Yup. DL2 is the 00.01% where you swing the blade, and sometimes the game decides it's a good move to push the infected with it instead if fkn slashing them!!!
And btw. What is the fkn story of pressing and holding a button on nearly everything. I get that if you open a door, pushing something, pulling... Etc. Why do I have to press and hold Enter inside my journal? You how does this feel like? It feels like you're holding my balls and squeezing them.
Aight.. aight. Ok. Now I wanna save my game cuz I got some important stuff to do. And here is another fkn kick in my balls again. The game is based on autosave system. What the fk does this mean? It means you can't save the game whenever you like, and maybe if you wanna sleep or go to fkn school or fkn college or fkn work, the developers decided it's a good idea to leave the players fkn hanging, forcing them to close the fkn game and when they open it back, the game loads at a pre-decided autosaved point. Ofc that means you say bye bye to any early point in the game. What's done is done. You can't repeat a scene in the game. Naaaaah. You have to repeat the whole fkn game from the beginning to repeat that scene.
Ok.
Dear Mr or Mrs developpers who haven't received enough love from your parents,
We play games to enjoy our time. We play fkn games to be in a world where we are in control. Please don't come up with such crappy ideas again. Let everyone enjoy the game. Okay? Please stop it. Aaaaaaah.

context: i'm a j1 student this year and my jc is full of competent students who do everything under the sun to beef up their portfolios. due to personal reasons / sheer laziness i operate on nowhere a level close to theirs, i do feel like an imposter even in this school, and i'm afraid of losing out.
this past week of hols has been a time for me to mull over what i want out of life, and i've been paralysed but the want of the oxbridge experience. i've been harbouring the oxbridge dream (blame the indomitable kiasu overachieving spirit inculcated in me) since i was young and it has been intensifying with the years. (multitude of reasons, too many to include here) frankly i will say it will be a dark abyss to pull myself out if i won't be able to make it to oxbridge after jc. (i won't rule out a masters / phd in the future but starting from undergrad is the ultimate goal)
right now i'm stuck in the vicious cycle of fretting and trying to come up with but failing to wrt reasonable ways to boost my portfolio with the tighter runway i'm dealing with, and i'm getting quite sick and tired of it.
tldr ; really afraid of stiff competition for oxbridge, worried and quite convinced i won't make it to oxbridge. also if any seniors reading this have any tips on how to increase my chances of getting in i will forever be indebted if you'd share them <3

I am a 17 year old student at a ISL school with 2 years of childcare as well as a year of being a busser. I pride myself on work ethic and sense of humor. I can work in a plethora of jobs and can work from the 27th of June to the 15th of August, let me know if you have a job for me or any ideas of where I should pursue.

So, we (21m, 20f) were together for 4.5 years. From those 2.5 years were distance relationship, because of the COVID lockdowns and school. When we became 18 (2 years ago) we moved in together. We are pretty much the same age, there is only around 3 months of difference between us. We both finished secondary/high school. I started to work as a network admin, later became a network designer at a big company. She went to university. Our relationship wasn't always perfect, but there's no perfect relationship, so I think we were in the norm and most of the things went really well. We loved each other, we were there for each other, we did lots of things together and really enjoyed our relationship up until around half a year ago, when she said she wants to break up, because she met an another guy. We've talked through it and discussed that she'll stay and I'll improve on my negatives, which I did. She agreed to block him on social media and not not contact him anymore. I thought she did, but apparently I was wrong. A week ago I found out and confronted her about it, and she had weird responses. On Thursday, she randomly came in to our room and said she wants to break up and doesn't want to fix any issues, just because, and that she feels like this for months now. She said, she loves me, but doesn't enjoy being with me anymore, but there was no reason to it. I didn't really have a choice at this point, she packed her things and we said goodbye. Now, it's a point to note, that during our relationship, she was using my tablet and old laptop for university (we both had desktops, but she needed a laptop and a tablet, so these weren't used, so I gave her them to use). Yesterday, when I powered on the tablet (the battery died some time ago), messages started arriving. Not to discuss it for long, before logging out from all of her accounts and deleting her local profiles from the devices, I found out, that not even a day passed, and she was already sexting with that other guy even though she denied when breaking up, that there's anyone else. She said she just wants to be alone... It felt horrible, and I didn't have the stomach to look further up into her messages to find out if she also cheated or not.
I'm not sure, where she learned this from. She absolutely wasn't lime this when I met her, and I think, that she just met stupid people at the University, who gave her these stupid advices, to not notify me if she has any problem with our relationship, and to just "follow her heart" instead of fixing problems with something that she already invested 4.5 years into. I feel terrible, and I feel even worse, when I think about what will happen to her, because my feeling is, that she will just be used to get sex and thrown away by that guy, and I just can't bare the idea of this, because she was the cutest and sweetest girl I've ever known. (It was our first relationship for both of us, but still, never met someone this sweet). I've already started to try to get over it, however now the apartment just feels empty without her and her things, and my life goal was to provide anything to her that she needs. Now I'm without a goal, alone, in a city, where I moved just because of her.
I've never been good at socializing, and I'll never be find anyone like the original her (the one I met and fell in love with). She was just perfect in every way, and even our meeting story was probably the most romantic thing ever. I feel hopeless, and useless, as I'm no longer able to protect her from what's coming.
According to people I spoke with, she'll probably only realize what she has lost once she needs to enter the "real world", which comes after finishing university, as only then will she realize, how much I provided her, and how much time and energy I saved her for working hard enough to be able to provide to both of us, to live comfortably. However this will be just too late, and I really wanted to make her a life she deserved, a life without struggles, without the need to work a 9-5 or worse job, so that she could focus on what she wanted to prove. Unfortunately, seems like even though I gave her everything she wanted, I wasn't amongst the things she wanted. How long will this feeling last? How long will the apartment feel this empty? When will I be able to forgive myself for not being able to protect her from anything bad?

Husband of 20 years is probably cheating on me. So here it goes, sll of my dirty secrets.
I, 45f been married to my husband 46, male for over 20 years to a man I met in my early 20’s. We have been very best friends since the day we met but it has been a rocky relationship. I am from an abusive alcoholic family and I was for a time blissfully an alcoholic along with the family. This of coarse was problematic when looking for a date. More than one boyfriend broke up with me because I drank too much, partied too hard and studied too little. Cue in my dream man, he’s responsible, well educated and a heavy drinker. We partied all night and he got up the next day, no matter how hungover and went to work. My mom said that this is normal, it’s how it’s supposed to be. If a man makes it to work everyday then he’s not an alcoholic. By her definition, only a man who misses work can be accused of drinking too much.
I married this replica of my father and for many blissful years we were married and we partied and drank. We’d drink a bottle or two of wine a few nights a week and on weekends we’d stay up all night, often having parties at our home. It was grand fun, until we had kids. All of the sudden I had to handle night feedings and morning diaper changes while tipsy, drunk or hungover. It didn’t take me long to quit, I had already quit for 9 months while pregnant and I had gotten the idea that life is better sober. But my partner didn’t agree. He was drunk most nights while I was pregnant. When I got annoyed and asked him to quit he hid the bottles. I had a second child with him in spite of the drinking (I wanted a matching set), not my best decision but I don’t regret it. When I was at the hospital he looked exhausted so I sent him home to rest. He went home and drank himself into a stupor. My mom had to drive me home from the hospital and when we got home, he was passed out on the living room floor. He slept for another 10 hours like that and he was drunk the entire first week of my daughter’s life. I had to ask my mom to help care for her since I’d had complications with the birth and had over 30 stitches.
His drinking went on for years with me going from kicking him out of the home to drinking with him. Often I would plead with him to quit and he’d refuse. On 4 occasions we separated, each time selling our home and dividing the property. But he’d get sober and he was always very sorry. At this point we had two kids and I needed the help.
Over time things got better and he went years and years without drinking. I had quit altogether after our first child. In fact things go so much better that he asked to start drinking again. He rationalized that he had been sober for 5 years and that he can handle one of two drinks a week. I agreed under the following terms, he can have up to two drinks with dinner once a week. I know this is a terrible decision, I think it’s fair to say that there is a pattern here of gawd awful decisions on my part. This 2 drink agreement lasted a few months but of course two drinks turned into 3, then it turned into a couple nights a week. I saw it was getting out of hand and I banned drinking again.
In the meantime my partner has gotten substantially better looking. It’s through a combination of favourable genetics, some recent work done and some excellent supplements. He aged well going from a 6.5 in his 20’s to a current day 8.5. More than that he’d recently opened a business and it was booming. For the first time in our married life he started to out earn me. For the first 20 years I was the primary wage earner, but now he’s making the more than me (this is temporary as my wage is about to pick up). The woman are noticing him and It’s not lost on me or him. We went to Mexico last year and women were practically following him around and throwing themselves at him. We go out to eat and woman hit on him. They hit on him at the grocery store and they hit on him at work. To his credit he does not respond to this in front of me or the kids. Nor have I ever heard of him hitting on somebody.
I’m a solid 7 - 7.5. I’ve aged okay, I look decent, I’m maybe a little heavier as size 10. But I’m not a hot young thing giggling at him. I am a wife and a mother, so not always sexy, but still quite a lot prettier than average. But realistically on the open market, I’m probably not attracting an 8.5 that earns his kind of money.
About 8 months ago he started coming home from work drunk. He was hiding it but I could smell the booze on his breath. He claimed it was heartburn but I knew better and I ignored it. I just wanted everything to be okay. There was a woman he was working with, he claimed to hate her, she seemed overly interested in him. There were a few incidents, that made me suspicious but he claimed he hated her. He was never home late from work. She moved away and he seemed fine and I was relieved. But a few months after this the drinking started, along with my denial. I guess I kinda figured that who cares if he cheated, she moved away. Now we can get on with our lives.
Recently he’s coming home from work late, but not too late. It’s an hour late here and there. Sometimes he’d claim that he’d have to stay an extra hour. A few times he went completely missing and claimed to have fallen asleep at the office. The problem is that I don’t really know his hours, it’s possible he’s done earlier. For context, he is self employed and rents a space. But other people rent spaces there too,
He’s been coming home drunker and drunker lately while still denying he’s been drinking. I’m ashamed to admit it but I ignored it to the point where I let him drive the kids a few times like that. I was just so far into denial, but I knew somewhere deep down that he was drunk.
He’s normally off work at 5pm and in the car by 5:10pm. But lately he’s not in the car until 5:45pm, ignoring my calls and sometimes coming into the house as late as 6pm. I mean it’s only 45 minutes right? A few times he’d go missing until 7:30 or 8pm and he’d say that he hate a late client appointment and had told me but I forgot. Strangely he’s never hungry when he gets home, in spite of being at work all day. In fact he’s not hungry 2 - 3 times a week. He told me that his stomach is bothering him.
Last night he went missing so I went to his office to look for him. I found him asleep in his office alone with an empty bottle of hard alcohol on his desk. I checked his office drawer and it was full of empty bottles. The office is a disaster, messy and all that. I’m not sure how he sees clients in a room like that and I’m worried that he’s taking appointments drunk. His business is doing really well and building it up was a joint effort. I’m worried that his drinking will destroy everything we built.
I woke him up and he was visibly drunk. He told me that he wants to stay at the office to sleep it off and that no he doesn’t want to talk about it and he didn’t come home. It’s been 6 hours. The thing is, that he hates sleeping in his work clothes and his office is desperately uncomfortable. I just don’t see him staying there overnight alone.
When the drinking flared up 6 months ago, it was just him drinking alone. But when he was sober he was still my best friend. But over time he’s stopped responding when I speak. He tells me that he drinks because he can’t stand to listen to my problems anymore. If I ask him about his day I get a one word answer. More and more he looks at me with contempt while drinking. But even stranger, he wants sex more often, I don’t know why this is. But he’s weird about it and hounding me. He’s going on and on about how to wants to try a sex position we’ve never done, talking about how much he likes it. He’s also looking over my shoulder and checking my phone, which is new. it’s intrusive as I don’t even know his passcode and feel no temptation to check his phone.
He gets paid in cash and has a drawer full of it at the office so I can’t check his cards.
Now I know what you are going to say. He’s definitely cheating, I mean he probably is. But we live in a no fault place so what does it matter if I get proof or not? Also I have two kids to think of and we aren’t in a financial position to leave. I will need time to pay down our joint debt and I need a new job. I’m thinking that the best course of action is to stay silent and improve my situation so that I can support my kids and myself. I think this works for him too as he doesn’t want to get stuck with all sorts of child support or alimony. Giving me time to get back on my feet and improve my financial position works for both of us.
The thing is that if I even bring up getting divorced or separated he says that I am the light of his life. He says that he loves me and that I’m his best friend. He says that he doesn’t want to leave. Then I feel so badly. If I even broach the topic of separating, he’ll shut it down so quickly. He’s overwhelming and persistent and he out talks me. I think there’s no use in talking it out and I don’t see us living together well under some sort of “arrangement”.
Do you have any advice on what to do next? Do you have any idea why he’s acting this way? If he wants to separate why not just do it? Also what’s with the increased sex drive?
One of the oddities is that I’ve been doing really great lately. I’ve lost some weight, my hair is looking good. My business sucks but I’ve been taking on new gigs and retraining. I’m becoming a person that I’m really proud of and every day seems to be getting better. But the better I do, the more contempt he seems to have for me. I can see the bitterness in his drunkenness. And he gets drunks on nights when I have to work and when I have something important going on. He blames the drinking on me. He says that I only talk about myself (maybe I do, I’m trying to improve). He says that I ask too much of him and that I make him contribute to the house too much but I do 100% of the grocery shopping, cooking, lunches, school stuff, homework and kids activities. He comes home and goes straight to bed while complaining that he’s doing too much. Meanwhile I’m breaking myself trying to make the home perfect enough.
Is there any chance that he’s just old and tired and not cheating? I mean he’s only missing for 45 minutes a day? I should mention that he’s stopped answering my calls during the workday and stopped reading my texts.
The weird thing is that I felt relieved to find him surrounded by booze bottles and I’m glad he’s done tonight. I’ve spent the majority of my adult life begging him to be sober. Tonight I could see the contempt in his eyes towards me. I just don’t know that I can move past it. I think I just want to be free from this now.
Do you have any advice? I’ve never been through anything like this and I could use some support and guidance.
I think that taking 4 - 6 months to resolve the situation might be best. This gives me time to find a new job and to pay down some debt and bolster savings.