I'm running a game, and the players are level 8. They attacked an encampment that had a rotating patrol of a few level 3 warriors (CR1), the BBEG was a level 11 Cleric (CR 10) and had two level 6 Rangers (CR 5). This wasn't supposed to be combat, it was a "look and report". I'm using the D20pfsrd site for the characters above.
They charged in from multiple angles, and though it was a close fight the players won even with me taking two of the casters out of the picture (blocking wall).
Monsters I get. Their CR tends to feel appropriate and I know I need to ake things a level CR higher than the party to make it a threat. But I thought it would either be a party wipe or a surrender and capture of the party.
This is common with any leveled NPC. They end up just be squish no matter what. Maybe I can destroy one character but that's all.
Am I missing something? Is there a cool angel to use? Or are leveled NPCs just not very effective and monsters are a better angle?

[Part 1]
Day 3
I woke the next morning from the sunshine in my eyes. My head was resting ever so slightly on Eli's arm as we had both fallen asleep on my bed after I begged him to stay. I blanched in horror at the drool stain I had left on the arm of his white t-shirt.
I began to slowly move myself and retreat downstairs as the memories of the night before came flooding back. How I had broken, screaming in terror, and how Eli had saved me, not knowing the true reason he found me curled up on the floor crying.
As I stepped off the bed, my leg got snagged in the frilly bed cover, and I went crashing to the ground, making quite the noise as I landed. With a yawn, Eli's eyes opened, and I felt myself blushing as he turned to look at me.
We both kind of stared at each other for a moment, not speaking. Eli opened his mouth, then closed it again as if unsure of what to say.
"Coffee?" I asked quickly, filling the awkwardness of our situation.
"Please," Eli said, smiling.
In minutes, I had a pot brewing as I leaned against the kitchen counter. Eli was picking up the scattered photographs from the floor and looking at them quizzically.
"Why do you have pictures of the Harmons?" Eli asked, showing me the photos of the yellow-haired man and his family.
"Is that their names? I found them out in the barn under a blanket," I answered as I rooted around the cupboards for two mugs.
"In the barn? I cleaned it out just last week. No way I would have missed this trunk," Eli said while examining the wooden trunk with its simple rustic hinges. It was plain and unadorned with any embellishments. Basic as basic could be.
"Well, you must have missed it because it was there," I said, putting emphasis on the "was" in a way that reminded me of my mother chastising my father.
"That's so weird," he said, shifting through the photos while sitting at the table. I brought him a cup of coffee and sugar, and he began absentmindedly adding a lot of sugar to his coffee. About six scoops later, he began stirring and sipping it.
"Well, anyways, thanks for coming last night. I wasn't myself, I hope you know that I'm not some damsel in distress," I said quickly, like word vomit, and I even chuckled at the end, feeling like a total weirdo.
"What happened anyway? You didn't say last night," he said, putting the photos down in a jumble on the table.
I paused for a moment, considering how to answer. As I sipped my coffee, I stared out into the yard beside the barn where the scarecrow stood, glancing around the edge of the barn, hanging limply in his hole. His appearance once again sad and dejected instead of murderous and terrifying.
"I was just scared, I had a nightmare, and it just scared me," I said dumbly, trying not to turn crimson again under his intense gaze.
His eyes seemed to cut right through my lie, as if he were staring directly into my being before he simply glanced away out the window. We fell silent again, and I filled some moments by sipping my drink. It seemed to revitalize me; the sun and the company made me feel secure.
"Why were you here anyways?" I asked after a moment.
"I heard screaming, so I came running. I live just on the other side of the grass there, behind the barn," Eli said, pointing to the barn out the window.
"Must be really close, I didn't see any houses on the way in," I said, prying deeper into the situation.
"It's actually a trailer, maybe like two hundred yards from here. I was outside getting some air when I heard you scream. So, I came running," Eli said, finishing his cup of coffee and placing it in between us like a barrier, as if he was hiding something.
"Could you, uh, not do that?" Eli asked, with an uncertain grin on his face.
"What am I doing exactly?" I asked, startled for a moment, my stomach doing a sort of flip.
"It's just that you like stare at people. You've been staring at me for like my whole cup of coffee, I don't think you blinked the whole time," Eli said, averting his eyes shyly.
"No, I don't," I said until I realized he was right. I never noticed that about myself.
"Right, well, I've got to go. I am probably going to start painting today, so you might see me in a bit," Eli said, rising and heading to the door.
"Wait," I said, grabbing his arm for only a moment before releasing it like it was scalding hot.
Eli glanced at my hand for a moment, then at his arm, before he, too, blushed crimson.
"I just wanted to say thank you again. For last night, I mean. Well, what I mean is I appreciate it," I said, my eyes downcast in, for some reason, shame. Like he had seen me at my weakest and it weighed on my gaze appropriately.
"It was nothing, besides I didn't get much sleep with your constant snoring," Eli said, laughing at me.
"I so don't snore," I said, swatting at him but unable to control a smile creeping up onto my face.
After Eli left, I felt instantly colder, my eyes kept returning to the scarecrow. I grabbed my camera from upstairs and went out to the yard. I scanned the dirt for anything out of the ordinary. There was no blood, or anything on the dirt where the scarecrow stood just last night. I slowly made my way to the scarecrow, but nothing happened. I snapped a photo of the inanimate object, and it didn't even flinch. I poked it, but all I felt was straw underneath its clothes. I removed its mask, expecting a severed head, but it was just straw. Nothing was here but straw. I dropped the mask on the ground and took another photo proving it was just straw and nothing else.
An idea struck me as I regarded the source of my torment. If I planned to stay even one more night here, I needed to do something about this scarecrow. I rooted around in the barn, a series of tools hung from nails in the wall. On one hung what I was searching for. An old rusted shovel with a dirty wooden handle that was worn smooth from use.
I returned to the side of the barn beside the scarecrow, knowing for whatever reason this thing only came when night fell and didn't react at all when I moved or touched it during the day.
Before my morning coffee had even settled, I began to dig at the dusty earth, loose and easy to dig, it came away in shovelfuls. Within an hour, I had a fair-sized hole in front of me. Sweat dripped from my brow, and when I wiped under my eyes, they came away black from last night's makeup. Glancing at the field of grass and knowing Eli could appear at any time, I decided to head inside and shower. The hot water was a godsend, and I lingered for longer, letting the water drain down my head and back, my eyes closed, trying to forget the images from the last two nights. I should just pack up my car and leave right this minute. But how could I explain this to my family? I decided to go through with my plan and bury the scarecrow. I could last one more night if I prepared for it.
I left the shower and dressed modestly, in another one of my old rock t-shirts and a pair of shorts. I returned to the yard and with a satisfying push, I dropped the scarecrow into the pit. It fell with a nice thud, and I smiled at my power over it in the day; it's just at night when I should fear it.
As I threw the first shovel of dirt back on top, I heard a noise in the grass, and it parted, revealing Eli wearing the same pair of jeans and work boots, but he had changed his shirt to a plain black one. In each hand, he held cans of paint and a brush.
"Should I even ask why you are burying that old scarecrow?" He asked as he came to stand beside me.
"Probably best if you didn't," I admitted, leaning on the shovel.
"Well, I'm going to anyway. Polly, why are you burying that old scarecrow?" He asked, a rare smile coming to his face.
"Because it's been haunting me at night," I said bluntly.
"Mhm, yeah, okay. Fine, don't tell me. I've been meaning to get rid of it anyway, but normal people take things to the landfill," Eli said with a smirk as he turned to the house and began setting up for his painting.
I finished burying the scarecrow and stomped the dirt down flat. I finished my job by moving my car and parking it directly over top of the spot where I buried it.
Eli watched me curiously but didn't remark. I returned the shovel to the barn and went out into the yard. I decided to go for a hike around the property. I needed some time alone to think and unwind.
As I made my way through the grass, it began to confuse me. This had obviously been a large farmland, but how had the wild plants grown in such a thick, endless maze of greenery?
It gave me an eerie feeling, like I was being watched as the grass covered three-quarters of my body, like there would be something lurking out in the grass, crouched low, waiting for me.
After a half-hour or so, I came upon a clear lake, only big enough to be considered an old swimming hole, I thought as I dipped my hand into the cool water.
I took off my outer clothes and decided to go for a swim. I lowered myself in slowly and reveled at the cool water. The pond wasn't deep, but the water was clean. A small rope swing had been hung from a large oak tree that bordered the pond. It also provided a nice layer of shade that made it the ideal spot to spend the day. I floated on my back in the water for what seemed like hours. The day seemed to slip away from me. A small beach of sand sat at one side of the pond, so I lay out in the sun and closed my eyes. The warm day warmed my soul, and soon I felt myself drifting off into sleep.
I awoke to the sound of crickets and darkness. I couldn't believe it. I had slept through the day; the long nights had finally caught up to me, and now I was stuck far away from the farmhouse. I didn't know if my plan with the scarecrow had worked, and this wasn't the place to test my theory.
A full moon lay overhead, casting a silvery glow on the world before me. A sea of grass swayed gently in the wind, sending shivers down it in shuddering waves. I looked around, but I was thankfully alone, just the crickets chirping along melodically as my only companions.
I had to make it back to the house, so I started on my way, my hands trailing along the tall grass. The pale light played easily on the deep green grass. Step by step, I made my way back towards the farmhouse and the barn, throwing caution to the wind, and I started to jog along, anything to get back faster. I would have to find Eli; maybe if we were together, he could stop it like before.
If I thought the field was creepy during the day, by night, it was a whole new world. Every sound made my heart stop for a beat before restarting in protest. When all of a sudden, the crickets stopped chirping. I dropped to my knees, letting the long grass cover me from sight. Through the strands, I could make out a shape moving slowly through the tall grass, the swish of the plants as it made its passage through them. My heart dropped. Was this Eli looking for me, or was it the scarecrow come for me?
That's when I heard a voice, a voice cutting through the silence. It started off quiet and raspy as it sang an eerie children's song.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
I was frozen to the spot. It hadn't found me, but it knew I was in the grass somewhere. Now, with each word, chewed up and spat out like it was unhappy with it, now it was accompanied by the whistle of something in the air and a slicing sound as it cut through the grass around me.
It finished another round of its song, but now it stood within feet of me, its blade whistling as it cut. I took a moment to ready myself, and as it raised its blade to cut through the grass I hid in, I dashed out of my hiding spot and slammed into it. But nothing resisted me; I fell through it like it was a ghost.
In a tangle of limbs, I landed hard on the ground and tried quickly rolling to my feet. The blade of its weapon pierced the earth beside me. Now I could see it was a two-handed scythe the scarecrow carried, but something was off, its hands were human. Pale milky skin like a newborn baby. I had little time to examine the creature except for the canvas bag over its head. Two large black eyes came out of the slits that leaked a dark red blood like tears.
It screeched loudly and swung its scythe, but it was slow, and I took off through the grass in the direction of what I hoped was the farmhouse.
I completely gave up all pretense of hiding and sprinted as fast as I could without looking back. The grass seemed to part for me as I ran in terror. I was just glad that in high school, I had taken track as it was paying off now.
I could hear the noise of footsteps behind me, but I never turned. I ran and ran until my lungs felt like they were going to burst Something silver flashed to my left, and I tripped over something hard and unexpected. The wind was driven from my lungs as my chin slammed hard into the earth. I scrambled back, trying to escape, but the scarecrow was on me, its blade flashing angrily in the pale moonlight.
I wanted to move, I wanted to fight, but my body was weak and unable to catch its breath, and I lay there helpless as it swung its scythe towards me. I closed my eyes in fear, but I only heard the thud of dirt before I opened my eyes. The scythe was discarded, and the scarecrow stood staring at me.
It seemed to be struggling with something, one hand reached out towards me only to be snapped back to its side. A roar of rage pierced the canvas sack over its head as it struggled against its invisible bonds. For a moment, I thought I saw something behind it, three sets of hands holding it back. One feminine in nature, and the other two must have belonged to children. In a flash, I saw a beautiful woman who looked vaguely familiar with her long brown hair and plain dress.
"Run," she moaned as the scarecrow swung around wildly.
I didn't hesitate and fled, my breath had returned, and while my body still ached from my fall, I powered on, knowing this was the only respite I would receive tonight.
In the distance, I could see a small sheet metal shape; Eli's trailer was slowly coming closer as I ran, and I beelined it for the trailer. I could hear the footsteps behind me again as the scarecrow resumed its chase after me.
I reached the old trailer and banged on the door as loud as I could; I rattled the handle, but it was locked.
"Eli, it's me. It's Polly, please let me in. Please," I begged as I banged over and over again on the door of his trailer.
Nothing responded to me, and the trailer was dark. The single window in the back held no life inside the trailer. From the trailer, I couldn't tell which direction the farmhouse was in the dark, so I fled into the tall grass and crouched low, watching the clearing around the trailer.
While I caught my breath, I watched the scarecrow enter the clearing, its scythe back in its hand as it circled the trailer. When its raspy voice began singing again low and quiet, only loud enough for me to hear.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The song made me shiver uncontrollably at the lyrics and the voice; it sounded demented like a crazy person letting their demons out into a nursery rhyme.
I lay perfectly still; for some reason, it couldn't find me. This creature I assumed was all-knowing seemed to have some very human weaknesses. It moved and talked like a human, even had certain body parts that were from a human; it even felt human the way it chased and reacted.
The scarecrow moved on through the tall grass, and I let out a sigh of relief as it lost my trail. How terrifying that beast was. In my pocket was the keys to my car. Eli had told me that the farmhouse was fairly close to his trailer. I had to navigate to the car, then drive as fast as I can away from this place. The fact that I hadn't left already because I was worried about money was insane. Who cares, I could drive to Barb's and demand my money back. Go home and just tell my parents the truth. The whole reason for actually leaving home this summer, why I was actually here in this field shivering uncontrollably in fear. But I couldn't think about that now, not now, there will be time to deal with that later. Now I needed to focus on staying alive, getting to the car, and getting out of here.
I went in the direction the scarecrow had; he knew the land better than I did, and every noise I made in the silence of the night made my heart drop. It took all my courage there and then to take one step forward, then another. I felt like I was going to be sick; my stomach was in knots to where it felt like even if I was sick, the only thing to come out would be only bile and stomach acid.
With each careful step, I made my way closer to the farmhouse and the scarecrow. Through the darkness, I could see my goal, the farmhouse, and the barn. Within minutes, I had made it securely to the farmhouse yard.
My car still sat in the same spot overtop of the hole where I buried the scarecrow. In the moonlight, I could see that the dirt had not been disturbed.
The scarecrow was nowhere to be seen, and I cautiously made my way to my car, my keys in my hand as I approached the driver's door. I hadn't locked the car, and it opened on the first try. I turned on my car as quietly as I could, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
Something landed heavily on top of the roof of my car, making it dent inwards slightly. With horror, I saw the scarecrow swing its scythe into the back window of my car. With a crash, the glass shattered inwards; I put my car into gear and roared away down the lane. In my rearview mirror, I couldn't see anything, so I swerved back and forth, trying to shake the creature from the roof of my car when the scythe crashed in through the front window, making a hole just large enough for it.
The glass spidered, and I couldn't see out the window very well. I swerved down the road, but the scythe remained in the car, allowing the creature purchase. In a panic, I spun my wheel wildly, trying to dislodge it, but I lost control, and soon felt something crash into the front of my car. The airbag went off in my face, and I hadn't been wearing my seatbelt. I slammed hard into something else, and my vision went dark. I was in a daze; I must have passed out because I don't remember a lot of what happened next. I felt the car door open with a crunching tear, and it landed loudly as it was torn off. My body being grabbed and tossed on the ground. I felt no pain, just a gentle numbness. I felt blood on my head as I raised my arm to touch my face.
Then just blackness, complete, and empty just feelings, fear, unease, sadness. My eyes opened, and the scarecrow was overtop of me. Pain on my chest and my vision went dark again. Coughing as something poured down my throat. I couldn't breathe, why couldn't I breathe?
My eyes opened one last time, and I saw the scarecrow pouring a dark liquid from its mouth directly into my mouth and eyes. My vision was red and bloody before I closed them one last time.
The words of its song echoed into the emptiness of my thoughts.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek?
The world it claims that I be not clean.
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see,
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The darkness enveloped me, and I felt myself slipping away, the sounds of the night fading into oblivion.

I really need perspective from other people on 2 issues.
TLDR: 1. How often do you raise your voice at your toddler? 2. Am I being AH in saying that it’s not normal?
My husband grew up in a yelling home. Bickering all the time and then the parents were too nice for a while, rinse, repeat. 0 communication skills. I grew up with parents saying I (we) needed to solve my own conflicts (with my siblings) from a young age. I’d get angry at my siblings and then we’d apologize/help each other and that was that. My norm is getting angry, cooling off and then verbalizing an issue.
My husband’s temper used to be short, now it’s medium. He worked hard to be less passive aggressive, less volatile, use his words.
However, he still raises his voice at our son (21 months) 2+ times a day. Ie When changing his diaper our son will squirm, try to turn away (I don’t think he likes his ankles being held together as he doesn’t cry with me), and my husband will say “no! Stop. Stop it. Cut it out! God damn it”. I’ve asked him not to hold his ankles together, to give him a distraction (squeeze pouch, peel a tangerine, etc), or to ask him to do things in a normal time of voice or explain so that long term our son can understand what’s being asked and comply. He brushes this off. I’ve asked before the change, during and I’ve talked to him about it when he’s calm.
My husband was in the bathroom using the toilet, my son went in there and started messing with the cat scoop which is a no-go. I heard the tell tale clang and got up to walk in and help. As I was walking to the bathroom my husband is yelling at him to stop, drop it, cut it out. This doesn’t help, it’s not effective, our child isn’t listening to the direction so I detach the scoop and let son know the litter box is off limits and yucky and also ask my husband to give our son what to do instead of what not to do. My husband is already really irate and snaps at me.
There are times my husband doesn’t talk to him like that. He explains that things are ouch or not, is patient, and is willing to teach son how to use X thing correctly or why we don’t do something. But there are a significant portion of instances where my husband is not thinking in my son’s shoes and just speaks to him in such an unempathetic manner. He gets overwhelmed, overstimulated easily. He’s a very anxious person and goes 0-50 pretty easily if things aren’t perfect (and they never have been). He talks to the dog like this, too. (He says the dog is never going to change so he just gets frustrated when she barks, etc. He is eternally stuck in helplessness while I am an eternal optimist).
This is every day, multiple times a day. But not ever around other people or in public. This is why I feel it isn’t normal.
Is that normal? To talk to your son like that in 25% of your interactions? Do you?
He says I talk to our son like that too and when I asked him to explain he cited when I was trying to get him away from a broken plant pot and when I was trying to get him to not spill a cup of coffee on himself today (the latter was a very short, “no, put that back!” and when he didn’t I gently took it from him and set it next to me). There’s a difference between safety and inconvenience.
My second ask, when I try to talk to my husband about these things he redirects away from himself and says “you do xyz things wrong too” or “well what would you have done any better” or “oh my god it’s always something”. To be fair I do feel pretty anxious/sick about what messages my son is going to take away from our household dynamic so I do think I’m (clearly not very helpfully) commenting too much when I see these things. Do you think…I guess, what can I do better? Or is it ok so I should just stop commenting? I feel like I’m stuck in a very sad and anxious place about what we’re modeling for our son and then that makes me not see the good in my husband.
For context. He is the SAHD and just finished school for the semester. He’s stressed about money right now as I just quit my job, but I intend to have a job within the next two months and my family won’t let anything happen to us. In general he is always like this, it doesn’t really go up and down. No other stressors.
I guess I’m just seeing if people say this is normal then I can just let it go and remove a layer of stress from our dynamic. I feel like our days are a cycle of arguing about this.
I will say, he has allowed himself to go with the flow of my parenting. No getting mad about crayon on the walls, or taking stuff out of the trash, or throwing food on the floor. We just teach him not to do it and teach him to clean stuff up/rely on explaining things and now son doesn’t do those things anymore. Our son helps us do dishes, make food, sweep, vacuum so I don’t think we’re doing too bad, there.

Hello everyone and welcome to my post. In the following few paragraphs, you'll learn a few basics about myself as well as what I'm looking for in a partner. If any of it interests you, please don't hesitate to message me or start a chat. I look forward to hearing from all of you!
To begin with a little about myself, I'm 24M and currently living in NoVA for just over 1.5 years. Before that, I spent most of my life in Massachusetts but eventually ran out of new things to do there. Now, I work in AI research and spend most of my free time either playing board games or exploring nature. I also love to travel and see the world whenever possible. My trip last year was to Portugal (pictures available) which was such a beautiful country with such delicious food. I'm currently in Croatia for the next two weeks. Also, one cool and unique facts about me is that I have aphantasia which means I can't see images in my head. Oh and physically, I'm 5'8 with an average build and dark brown hair and eyes.
As for what I'm looking for, I really don't have many expectations in terms of appearance. By far the most important thing to me is that we are able to share each other's hobbies and enjoy time together. For example, I'd love someone I can take on hikes before ending off the day with a board game night at home. And, of course, I'd be interested in sharing and trying your hobbies as well. I also really value communication and people who can keep a conversation going in person and over text.
If you're still interested and made it this far, I've got a LIMITED TIME OFFER for you. In exchange for three unique facts about yourself, I will reply with three pet pictures. These pictures are guaranteed to be extra adorable and come with a 100% money-back guarantee if they don't make you smile.

Hello everyone and welcome to my post. In the following few paragraphs, you'll learn a few basics about myself as well as what I'm looking for in a partner. If any of it interests you, please don't hesitate to message me or start a chat. I look forward to hearing from all of you!
To begin with a little about myself, I'm 24M and currently living in NoVA for just over 1.5 years. Before that, I spent most of my life in Massachusetts but eventually ran out of new things to do there. Now, I work in AI research and spend most of my free time either playing board games or exploring nature. I also love to travel and see the world whenever possible. My trip last year was to Portugal (pictures available) which was such a beautiful country with such delicious food. I'm currently in Croatia for the next two weeks. Also, one cool and unique facts about me is that I have aphantasia which means I can't see images in my head. Oh and physically, I'm 5'8 with an average build and dark brown hair and eyes.
As for what I'm looking for, I really don't have many expectations in terms of appearance. By far the most important thing to me is that we are able to share each other's hobbies and enjoy time together. For example, I'd love someone I can take on hikes before ending off the day with a board game night at home. And, of course, I'd be interested in sharing and trying your hobbies as well. I also really value communication and people who can keep a conversation going in person and over text.
If you're still interested and made it this far, I've got a LIMITED TIME OFFER for you. In exchange for three unique facts about yourself, I will reply with three pet pictures. These pictures are guaranteed to be extra adorable and come with a 100% money-back guarantee if they don't make you smile.

Does anyone else love this game where you can be as creative as possible but youre not the slightest creative? I have clear pictures in my head on what i want to build but i just cant actually build it if that makes any sence, last time i built a normal little house it took me like 3 hours i think most people would have built it in like 15min.
I build lots of farms and gather just about everything in the game only for the stuff to end up in chests because i dont know what to do with em. I had my world for 2 years just fnished my base 7 month after starting on it only for my game file to get corrupted 2 weeks later so i lost the world, started a new world 2 months ago, now i just got finished lighting up and removing every shrieker in an ancient city right under my spawn, im now looking at an empty ancient city thats like 2-300x2-300 blocks big and i have no idea what to do next.
If anyone is bored and like building cool stuff feel free to hit me up my plan is to transform the entire city into a city that has a little bit of everything i just dont know how, could use some inspiration/tips/tricks
Sad part is my friends got me to download the game again after 3 years by the time i got really into it again they all bailed on me so im kinda paying for a realm only to play solo its kinda tragic(im not looking for pity btw)
Hope you have a great day/night

I’m going to omit many details on this as there is an ongoing HR investigation into the matter and I’m not trying to complicate things further.
I work at a cell phone provider. I have a coworker who to me is very obviously autistic. His parents never got him officially diagnosed or took him to therapy. I’ve begged him for his sake to see a professional to better understand how to navigate the workplace and his life generally.
To give an idea of him, he meets all the signs of being on the spectrum. Monotone voice, difficulty translating or detecting emotion, completely unaware of how customers he’s talking to are reacting to what he’s saying, seeming developmentally stunted (acts more similarly to a middle schooler instead of his age.) He himself has even stated he thinks he is autistic.
Thankfully he finally started going to a professional for help and just had his first session. Unfortunately, it seemingly was too late.
He has shown interest in trying to obtain relationships often. When he interacts with women he finds attractive, it very much reminds me of a middle schooler. He puts on an entirely different persona, tries to joke around more (although nobody can tell he’s joking because his intonation is flat and his jokes do not read like jokes), and tries to be “cool.” All has seemed relatively innocent though until now.
There was a woman who came into the store with her dad. My coworker found this woman who came in with her father to be attractive. The daughter bought a phone. As the phone was transferring data, my coworker (without telling the woman) went on the person’s phone and added himself on her Snapchat. He then snapped her with what he thought was a joke, which said “be careful who you leave your phone with” and had a picture of himself sent with it. I know this because my coworker told me after she left.
I laid into him for it, saying women have to deal with a lot right now socially and every single thing he did likely made this girl incredibly uncomfortable and even scared. I told him he heavily crossed boundaries and what he said to her made him look like he’s trying to scare her or worse, regardless of his intention to joke with her. He couldn’t see it as bad or negative. He believed everything he did was totally okay. I couldn’t convince him otherwise.
What he doesn’t know is I reported him to HR for this instance.
All this to say… was this the right thing to do? I have this pit in my stomach like I’m doing something wrong and should’ve better helped my coworker with his mental health so this sort of issue wouldn’t arise. I feel like a bad person simultaneously for feeling guilty because he did something that is unacceptable and I don’t want to feel like I’m coddling someone who displayed terrible behavior.

I’m going to omit many details on this as there is an ongoing HR investigation into the matter and I’m not trying to complicate things further.
I work at a cell phone provider. I have a coworker who to me is very obviously autistic. His parents never got him officially diagnosed or took him to therapy. I’ve begged him for his sake to see a professional to better understand how to navigate the workplace and his life generally.
To give an idea of him, he meets all the signs of being on the spectrum. Monotone voice, difficulty translating or detecting emotion, completely unaware of how customers he’s talking to are reacting to what he’s saying, seeming developmentally stunted (acts more similarly to a middle schooler instead of his age.) I don’t know for certain if he’s autistic, but he has told me he even believes he is himself.
Thankfully he finally started going to a professional for help and just had his first session. Unfortunately, it seemingly was too late.
He has shown interest in trying to obtain relationships often. When he interacts with women he finds attractive, it very much reminds me of a middle schooler. He puts on an entirely different persona, tries to joke around more (although nobody can tell he’s joking because his intonation is flat and his jokes do not read like jokes), and tries to be “cool.” All has seemed relatively innocent though until now.
There was a woman who came into the store with her dad. My coworker found this woman who came in with her father to be attractive. The daughter bought a phone. As the phone was transferring data, my coworker (without telling the woman) went on the person’s phone and added himself on her Snapchat. He then snapped her with what he thought was a joke, which said “be careful who you leave your phone with” and had a picture of himself sent with it. I know this because my coworker told me after she left.
I laid into him for it, saying women have to deal with a lot right now socially and every single thing he did likely made this girl incredibly uncomfortable and even scared. I told him he heavily crossed boundaries and what he said to her made him look like he’s trying to scare her or worse, regardless of his intention to joke with her. He couldn’t see it as bad or negative. He believed everything he did was totally okay. I couldn’t convince him otherwise.
What he doesn’t know is I reported him to HR for this instance.
All this to say… am I the asshole for likely getting my autistic coworker fired? I have this pit in my stomach like I’m doing something wrong and should’ve better helped my coworker with his mental health so this sort of issue wouldn’t arise. I feel like a bad person simultaneously for feeling guilty because he did something that is unacceptable and I don’t want to feel like I’m coddling someone who displayed terrible behavior.

I’m going to omit many details on this as there is an ongoing HR investigation into the matter and I’m not trying to complicate things further.
I work at a cell phone provider. I have a coworker who to me is very obviously autistic. His parents never got him officially diagnosed or took him to therapy. I’ve begged him for his sake to see a professional to better understand how to navigate the workplace and his life generally.
To give an idea of my him, he meets all the signs of being on the spectrum. Monotone voice, difficulty translating or detecting emotion, completely unaware of how customers he’s talking to are reacting to what he’s saying, seeming developmentally stunted (acts more similarly to a middle schooler instead of his age.)
Thankfully he finally started going to a professional for help and just had his first session. Unfortunately, it seemingly was too late.
He has shown interest in trying to obtain relationships often. When he interacts with women he finds attractive, it very much reminds me of a middle schooler. He puts on an entirely different persona, tries to joke around more (although nobody can tell he’s joking because his intonation is flat and his jokes do not read like jokes), and tries to be “cool.” All has seemed relatively innocent though until now.
There was a woman who came into the store with her dad. My coworker found this woman who came in with her father to be attractive. The daughter bought a phone. As the phone was transferring data, my coworker (without telling the woman) went on the person’s phone and added himself on her Snapchat. He then snapped her with what he thought was a joke, which said “be careful who you leave your phone with” and had a picture of himself sent with it. I know this because my coworker told me after she left.
I laid into him for it, saying women have to deal with a lot right now socially and every single thing he did likely made this girl incredibly uncomfortable and even scared. I told him he heavily crossed boundaries and what he said to her made him look like he’s trying to scare her or worse, regardless of his intention to joke with her. He couldn’t see it as bad or negative. He believed everything he did was totally okay. I couldn’t convince him otherwise.
What he doesn’t know is I reported him to HR for this instance.
All this to say… am I the asshole for likely getting my autistic coworker fired? I have this pit in my stomach like I’m doing something wrong and should’ve better helped my coworker with his mental health so this sort of issue wouldn’t arise. I feel like a bad person simultaneously for feeling guilty because he did something that is unacceptable and I don’t want to feel like I’m coddling someone who displayed terrible behavior.

Hey everyone - we just got back from our trip to DL and DCA and wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone in this sub that helped answer our questions prior to the trip. It truly made a huge difference. Below for a few highlights!

• Staying at Grand Californian we thought was worth the price tag for early entry and ease of access at the end of the day. We basically did early entry to park close each day and having a short walk back when we were exhausted was huge.
• Lightening lane and multi experience pass strategies were awesome. We rode 30 rides day 1 (DL), 24 (DCA) day 2, and 27 (DL) day 3. These totals include repeat attractions.
• Single rider options for Matterhorn and Radiator Springs Racers, especially in the morning, are huge time savers. For RSR, we were able to ride it 3 times in a row in like 30 minutes tops.
• Some of our favorite food highlights included the ronto-less wrap, tropical hideaway dole whip and bao bunds, and bengal BBQ. One small bummer is the cafe daisy donuts are apparently no longer dairy free so we had to skip those.
• Napa Rose's and Carthay Circle's food was great and worth the cost. Blue Bayou's food was alright, but worth it for the experience. If you are going to Blue Bayou, would certainly recommend sharing an entrée. The portions were huge!
• Obviously the best part of Genie+ is the lightening lanes, but we really enjoyed photo pass. We ended up taking way more pictures that we never otherwise would have done. It will be cool to always have these memories.

I played Legends of Runeterra from the release of rising tides to the beginning of targon before I left. I’ve been wanting to get into a card battler again, however Lor’s pvp development has been axed, which is why I’m now here. I’m planning on mostly playing standard through arena.
My favorite decks on Lor were:
(Noxus/Shadow Isles) Swain Elise.
(BilgewateShadow Isles) Gangplank Thresh.
(Pnz/Shadow Isles) Corina Control with Vi.
I like slower decks (though I also like playing aggro decks on occasion), removal, board wipes, chip damage, revival, and card advantage. Strategy-wise I like some solid early game creatures that can stall against aggro or be aggressive vs slow decks, bulky mid to late creatures that provide value beyond I have big stats, and late game threats that aren’t a “I win now” button but more like a “I give a cool effect and you’ll probably win in a few turns by out valuing your opponent”
I’m not a big fan of playing ramp, stat check midrange, flying spam, deny, +?/+? combat tricks, I give my team trample/flying/etc finishers.
I’m looking for advice on a 2 color combo to focus on, and then a less prioritized third color for a 3 color deck and that could mix and match with the first 2.
Black is the obvious choice, but I’m stuck on what to pair it with. Blue/Black is what I liked most out of the starter decks and what I’ve been playing. I just don’t like having no creatures or potential for aggression early game.

Hi everyone! Long time lurker, first time poster.
Like the title says, I'm stuck in a tough situation with my (24F) boyfriend (21M) of ten months and... well, I don't really know what to do, if anything. This is going to be a lengthy post!
To give some important background: We are a mostly medium distance couple. We go to different colleges, about four hours away from each other, but during breaks he moves back home to his family, which is the same town I live in. During this last school year we were visiting each other every weekend, which honestly proved to be way too stressful and overwhelming for me. Now it's summer, though and, like I said, he's back here living with his family for the break. We met last summer and our honeymoon phase was great! Lots of good sex, fun dates, and really just excitement from being so into someone, but the honeymoon phase is over now and I'm seeing some hugely glaring issues.
We, or I guess mostly I, have been having issues since spring break when he came to stay with me for the week. Seems like a dream come true for a medium-distance couple, right? Wrong!!! I felt so smothered that at one point even him touching me felt like acid. On top of this experience, I had a really demanding spring semester, I started a new SSRI, and all those months of having little to no alone time because I was spending every single weekend (literally Thursday night to Sunday morning) with him was starting to burn me out. This is probably a good time to mention that I struggle with avoidant attachment tendencies. I had to learn independence at a young age, so when things get hard or overwhelming I go inward every single time. I have been actively working on being more comfortable with vulnerability, but I still don't like to share my feelings until I've figured out what they are and where they're coming from. He, on the other hand, struggles with anxious attachment and has never been in a relationship with someone who is avoidant (or someone who is neurodivergent, like I am). This leads us misunderstanding each other pretty often.
After spring break, we texted each other less and less and when we did text it was almost entirely NPC dialogue. "Hey, how are you?" "I'm good! How are you?" "Aw, that's good. I'm good :) My day was really good." And not much else. I was starting to feel... flighty and trapped, but I didn't know why so I never told him and I didn't think the feeling would manifest into anything.
Then one weekend in April he came to stay the weekend with me. This was a rough time. My grandmother was staying with me, visiting from out of state, it was show week for a production I had been working on almost all semester (theatre ppl know how fucking stressful show week can be), and I was preparing for finals. I was also feeling some side effects from my Lexapro, like no sex drive and emotional blunting. Over the weekend he begged me for sex, which I gave into a couple of times just so he would stop whining, but one night in particular really upset me because he legitimately would not stop. I would try to change the subject, and within two minutes he'd say something like, "Give me two reasons you don't want to have sex!" When I held my boundary firm, he pouted and went to bed. After he went home for the week, he acknowledged that what he did was not cool and apologized, but I could not look at him the same after that. My feelings of being smothered and trapped only intensified. About a week after that, we had an honest discussion about my feelings and mutually decided to go on a break so that we could both focus on our finals.
I had been feeling like there has to be something wrong with me, like these relationship issues are happening because I'm of flawed character or something, but during our break I started to feel better than I have this entire year so far and I realized that there's nothing actually wrong with me, I'm just 24 years old and out of the six years I've officially been an adult, I've spent probably five and a half years in three relationships. I realized that I want to be my own person and that I want to decenter both men and romantic relationships all together in my life.
Here's where we get into the problem at hand.
I tried to break up with him when summer break started and we saw each other in person for the first time in two weeks. I realized that doing what is best for me was going to inevitably result in him being neglected and resenting me. I don't want that to happen! I told him that I didn't think we were on the same page and that we're more incompatible than I thought, but he disagreed and basically said he would sacrifice anything to be with me. I told him I don't want to be in an unbalanced relationship like that, but we stayed together. We agreed that I would do whatever it is that I need to do to satisfy my craving for independence and he will just sit back, and he's okay with that as long as he "doesn't lose [me]".
That was almost three weeks ago and my feelings of suffocation subsided for a bit, but they're back in full force after an argument we got into last week about some stupid miscommunication. We've barely been texting, mostly just good morning/good night stuff, and we haven't seen each other at all, He wants to come spend the night in a few days, but I'm not even sure if I want him to.
Don't get me wrong, I love him (I think I do, anyway) and neither of us have done anything wrong to the other person.
You're probably like, "Girl, break up with him already," which, yeah, I agree, but like I said I tried and got nowhere. I have a feeling that breaking up is going to be almost impossible, unless he somehow comes to see my point of us being incompatible. I honestly don't believe that he's going to be okay with me doing what I want to do, focusing on myself, decentering our relationship from my life, because it is going to end up with him feeling neglected. It would look like us talking to each other very little, seeing each other even less, and me not having sex unless I want to (which is going to be very, very little because of the Lexapro impacting my sex drive). I know these things are going to bother him, especially the sex.
Is it manipulative to go through with our plan of me doing "whatever" to focus on myself when I feel like the result is going to be him feeling insecure in our relationship? I tried to tell him, to get him to think about it, but he feels so strongly that it won't impact him negatively. It's not like I'm purposefully trying to get him to break up with me, but another part of me doesn't really care if he does-- even maybe hopes that he does (idk, feelings I haven't analyzed yet). I don't feel strongly enough to try to break up with him a second time yet... but maybe I should? I know that we will, sooner or later.
But, maybe this is me overanalyzing everything. Or maybe I'm a villain, I honestly can't tell.
TLDR;
Tried to break up with BF over basic incompatibility (I want to be independent and focus on myself, he wants a committed relationship), BF says he's fine with me doing whatever I feel like I need to do to focus on myself, but I know that it's going to make him feel insecure and anxious over time. I feel like we will break up sooner or later, but I don't feel strongly enough to try to break up with him a second time. Is it manipulative to go through with our plan of me focusing on myself even though I know it will come at a detriment to our relationship, and maybe secretly hope that it does, to make him see our incompatibilities?
Thank you <3