When I (28F) was 19 and a freshman in college I went to the beach with some friends for spring break. We were staying in a hotel and one day we chose to spend the day drinking at the pool there and grilling, another group of people that some of the guys I was there with knew was also at the pool. I didn’t know the guys in the other group before that day but we were all hanging out by the pool.
That night I had more drinks than I should have and don’t recall how the situation happened but I woke up in the other guys room that 4 of them were staying in. I felt uneasy and like something bad had happened.
Later that next day I was at the beach with my friends and a girl I knew came up to me asking if I was okay. I was confused, I didn’t know what she was referring to, so I asked what she meant. She proceeded to take out her phone and show me a video where one of the guys I met the day before, Kyle (now 27M) on top of me having sex. I was not participating. I was lying there not moving while he was thrusting on top of me.
Kyles friends were all in the room watching it happen and one of them recorded it and sent it to a ton of people that I knew. I don’t remember any of this happening. I felt embarrassed and ashamed and tried to brush it off initially. I didn’t want to play victim because we had both been drinking, he had less than I did, and I had put myself into that situation.
I don’t believe there is any way I would have consented to this. The last thing I remember from the night was talking to one of the guys I had gone to the beach with who I had a crush on (not Kyle). He had tried to kiss me and I remember telling him no because I knew we were both drunk and I didn’t want to do anything I might regret the next day.
A few months later I began hanging out with Kyle and we had sex a few more times, it made me feel less guilty about the situation and I felt like I was in control because if I chose to do it now maybe I had chosen to do it during spring break when I was so drunk I wasn’t conscious.
I tried to push what happened to the back of my mind because forgetting about it was easier than dealing with it. I went back to the same beach with my sister Rachel about 2 years later and Kyle was there again. I was hanging out with my own friends and I happened to be walking by when I heard him scream in front of a group of people that he loved my sister. I began sobbing and just started walking down the beach alone crying unsure of why I was even crying at the time. My sister and I were supposed to stay at the beach for two more days after this one but that night I told her that I needed to go home and couldn’t be there anymore so we packed up and left. My sister was furious and I spent the entire car ride home crying. This was the only big fight we had ever had and we didn’t talk for a week.
Fast forward a few years and I had moved on from this situation, I saw Kyle around town occasionally because we lived in a small town but I was in a new relationship and happy. Then my sister came to me and told me that she and Kyle had started to go on a few dates. At first I didn’t know what to say, she seemed to like him. I had repressed the memory of what happened to me and didn’t want to have to relive the embarrassment and guilt that came along with it. I figured she would get the ick soon like she usually did and stop seeing him before it turned into anything serious. I know this was a mistake but at the time I didn’t want to tell anyone about what had happened to me.
That didn’t happen, after two months I realized I had messed up by not initially telling her that I was uncomfortable with her dating him. When I finally told her that he had raped me when I was 19 and the entire situation about the beach and the trauma it put me through she said she didn’t believe it was rape because we were both drinking. She said she was going to continue to date him and that I should have said something before she started to like him.
Now they’ve been together for a year. I’ve told my entire family what happened and that if he is allowed to be welcomed into the family I won’t be apart of it because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life at family functions with my rapist. For a while my family was understanding and didn’t ever meet him. I moved to a new state and haven’t talked to my sister in a year because she is dating him, when we used to talk daily.
This week I found out my parents have been playing pickle ball with my my sister and Kyle and I spent hours crying. I feel like I’m losing my family to my rapist.
My question is am I over reacting by saying I don’t want my family in my life if they allow him into theirs? I feel guilty, like I’m making my sister lose out on happiness or making my parents choose between their two daughters. I don’t know what to do to make them believe me, because I feel like if they did they wouldn’t be hanging out with him. I’m not sure where to go from here.
Am I crazy for not wanting this guy to be apart of my family? What would you all do in this situation? How do I make my family believe what happened to me and not whatever story my sister is telling them?
Does giving my family an ultimatum that if he’s in their life I won’t be make me an asshole? I’m considering filing a police report so my family understands how serious what happened is and to protect my sister, and other women from a bad person. What do you all think?

When I (28F) was 19 and a freshman in college I went to the beach with some friends for spring break. We were staying in a hotel and one day we chose to spend the day drinking at the pool there and grilling, another group of people that some of the guys I was there with knew was also at the pool. I didn’t know the guys in the other group before that day but we were all hanging out by the pool.
That night I had more drinks than I should have and don’t recall how the situation happened but I woke up in the other guys room that 4 of them were staying in. I felt uneasy and like something bad had happened.
Later that next day I was at the beach with my friends and a girl I knew came up to me asking if I was okay. I was confused, I didn’t know what she was referring to, so I asked what she meant. She proceeded to take out her phone and show me a video where one of the guys I met the day before, Kyle (now 27M) on top of me having sex. I was not participating. I was lying there not moving while he was thrusting on top of me.
Kyles friends were all in the room watching it happen and one of them recorded it and sent it to a ton of people that I knew. I don’t remember any of this happening. I felt embarrassed and ashamed and tried to brush it off initially. I didn’t want to play victim because we had both been drinking, he had less than I did, and I had put myself into that situation.
I don’t believe there is any way I would have consented to this. The last thing I remember from the night was talking to one of the guys I had gone to the beach with who I had a crush on (not Kyle). He had tried to kiss me and I remember telling him no because I knew we were both drunk and I didn’t want to do anything I might regret the next day.
A few months later I began hanging out with Kyle and we had sex a few more times, it made me feel less guilty about the situation and I felt like I was in control because if I chose to do it now maybe I had chosen to do it during spring break when I was so drunk I wasn’t conscious.
I tried to push what happened to the back of my mind because forgetting about it was easier than dealing with it. I went back to the same beach with my sister Rachel about 2 years later and Kyle was there again. I was hanging out with my own friends and I happened to be walking by when I heard him scream in front of a group of people that he loved my sister. I began sobbing and just started walking down the beach alone crying unsure of why I was even crying at the time. My sister and I were supposed to stay at the beach for two more days after this one but that night I told her that I needed to go home and couldn’t be there anymore so we packed up and left. My sister was furious and I spent the entire car ride home crying. This was the only big fight we had ever had and we didn’t talk for a week.
Fast forward a few years and I had moved on from this situation, I saw Kyle around town occasionally because we lived in a small town but I was in a new relationship and happy. Then my sister came to me and told me that she and Kyle had started to go on a few dates. At first I didn’t know what to say, she seemed to like him. I had repressed the memory of what happened to me and didn’t want to have to relive the embarrassment and guilt that came along with it. I figured she would get the ick soon like she usually did and stop seeing him before it turned into anything serious. I know this was a mistake but at the time I didn’t want to tell anyone about what had happened to me.
That didn’t happen, after two months I realized I had messed up by not initially telling her that I was uncomfortable with her dating him. When I finally told her that he had raped me when I was 19 and the entire situation about the beach and the trauma it put me through she said she didn’t believe it was rape because we were both drinking. She said she was going to continue to date him and that I should have said something before she started to like him.
Now they’ve been together for a year. I’ve told my entire family what happened and that if he is allowed to be welcomed into the family I won’t be apart of it because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life at family functions with my rapist. For a while my family was understanding and didn’t ever meet him. I moved to a new state and haven’t talked to my sister in a year because she is dating him, when we used to talk daily.
This week I found out my parents have been playing pickle ball with my my sister and Kyle and I spent hours crying. I feel like I’m losing my family to my rapist.
My question is am I over reacting by saying I don’t want my family in my life if they allow him into theirs? I feel guilty, like I’m making my sister lose out on happiness or making my parents choose between their two daughters. I don’t know what to do to make them believe me, because I feel like if they did they wouldn’t be hanging out with him. I’m not sure where to go from here.
Does giving my family an ultimatum that if he’s in their life I won’t be make me an asshole? I’m considering filing a police report so my family understands how serious what happened is and to protect my sister, and other women from a bad person. What do you all think?

Mikan has a habit of pondering many things while waiting for her mother to use the restroom. It is not aimless daydreaming, but rather akin to how some people would keep different books by their bedside, toilet, and office. Mikan always use this time to think about light but continuous things. Typically, she'd spend three to five minutes, with the first minute warming up, recalling where she left off in the book from the last time, then staring at her nails, progressing her thoughts bit by bit.
She developed this habit during her first visit to the zoo. That spring, she graduated from kindergarten, and before leaving the house, her mother was in front of the mirror, adjusting Mikan’s elementary school uniform. The zoo was on a seaside cliff, connected to the foot of the mountain by a narrow path lined with cherry blossoms. Children of all ages sat on the steps, waiting for a gust of wind to blow so they could shout for their mothers to take pictures. Mikan buried her head and walked up, thinking the others were childish. At that time, her father was still young; his neck had not yet thickened, and his eyelids had not drooped. When they left, she asked her mother who the strange uncle was, the one who knew so much about giraffes. She couldn’t remember how her mother answered, but she remembered seeing a kitten lying on the hillside, showing its belly to the sunset, making her exclaim "wow" to the cherry blossoms. From that day on, one weekend a month, she would go to the zoo with her mother to meet her father. During the time her mother was in the restroom, Mikan used it to think about the kitten. She had imagined raising three kittens: the first was tortoiseshell, then an orange one like her surname, and the latest was another tortoiseshell. Each cat lived for twelve years, and she thought about the world and herself thirty-six years later.
She didn’t always think about cats. Occasionally, when she didn’t go with her mother, she would talk with her classmates about how they envied the animals in the zoo, like gorillas and hyenas. Although there were no lions or tigers, there were lynxes. They looked so ugly, walking on all fours all their lives, but they were lucky to live by the sea and enjoy the sea breeze for a lifetime. The crude boys in her class would retort, saying, "Yeah, yeah, they can even poop directly into the sea."
After graduation, she never saw that boy again. All the boys would go to Tokyo when they were young; that was the rule. Only when they were old and decrepit would they be reluctantly sent back by the younger ones. But she often thought about that classmate. By the time she raised her third cat, he might have come back. When she saw the sea again, the image of a smooth butt hanging over the cliff came to mind. When she got into Waseda University, she told her mother that she might consider marrying that classmate.
When Mikan was little, she secretly asked her father how he fell in love with her mother. The primate area always had a strange smell, between animal and human. Her mother didn’t like the smell, standing five meters away near the door for ventilation (they couldn’t go further in because they were not allowed to meet outside the guardian’s sight; that was the rule). She didn’t remember what her father said, but she remembered pressing her hand against the glass, with an orangutan looking at her disdainfully. She felt like she was the one being watched. But her father must have said something, without hesitation, as if talking about a daily matter. It was too mundane, overshadowed by the contemptuous orangutan in her memory.
Influenced by her mother, Mikan also didn’t like the smell of the primate area. It wasn’t that it was unpleasant; it was like touching the residual warmth of someone who just left their seat, the mixed smell of decaying wood and butter in old temples, awkward and cautious. The only chance she almost had to be alone with that classmate was during a field trip. Both happened to be lingering at the entrance of the primate area. Mikan was there first, then the boy appeared behind her, peeking around. The introduction at the entrance had been scanned five or six times. Inside, the darkness reminded Mikan of the anteater’s mouth she had just seen. The boy asked, “Are you afraid to go in?” Mikan replied, “Of course not.” The boy retorted, “Coward, the teacher said not to wander off; you definitely won’t dare.” Mikan suddenly felt annoyed and walked in. When she reached the orangutan’s window and looked back, the boy had already disappeared. Mikan thought, childish.
One summer, a cat sneaked into the zoo and was brutally tortured by baboons before being killed. Mikan learned about it from the morning paper, crumbs scattered on it. The front page was about US-Japan trade friction, followed by news about Tokyo, Syria, obituaries, nuclear, and the next Olympics’ sailing event being held on the local beach. The news was arranged from far to near, and finally, in the middle column, she saw this news.
"Such a pity, so sad, so heartbreaking, so infuriating." She inhaled deeply and exhaled.
She didn’t know what this incident meant for the townspeople. Didn’t the middle column mean it was unimportant? She didn’t understand, but the townspeople seemed outraged, eventually passing a resolution to lower the male zoo supervision age to fourteen. The next day, this proposal moved to the front page, although not the headline, it stood alongside news from the US and Europe.
But this wasn’t a distant matter for her. Recently, she had joined the baseball team because that boy also loved baseball. At a celebration party, when discussing future high schools, he talked eagerly about a famous school in Tokyo, jokingly preparing for life there. Everyone laughed at this joke.
The front-page news explained the lawmakers' logic: due to men’s violence and animalistic nature, our country decided to confine men in zoos years ago, something we have always been proud of. Over the years, many outstanding women have joined the country to restrain their husbands' potential harm to the world. But our solution isn’t perfect. When does a child become a man? The radicals believe it’s at adulthood, at twenty, the legal marriage age. Conservatives argue that maleness is in the chromosomes and should be separated at the hospital. The incident with the baboons harming the cat further proves the harm of violence and animality to civilization. We should be more cautious and responsible. Thus, in our town, the second sex characteristic is used as the basis for identifying males.
This event was written into textbooks, leading to significant zoo renovations. Besides old mothers bringing their children to see their fathers, the zoo now provided spaces for the new generation of women to date their boyfriends in the park. For the town’s zoo, this room added at the end of the primate area, with rain hitting the iron roof, animal calls (and conversations from the men’s park) and the sound of waves hitting the cliffs, seemed far from a suitable place for romance. Mikan had never been there.
She never saw that boy again, though he didn’t play baseball. He likely lived the life he joked about, pooping off the cliff.
When her mother came out of the restroom, Mikan was imagining holding the tortoiseshell cat that had just died. She remembered her father saying that the zoo’s most famous animal was a giraffe, but it was a specimen, transported from Tokyo Zoo, always standing in the most conspicuous place. He saw it every morning as if it were still alive. She asked if he would become a specimen too, but she couldn’t remember his answer (she always remembered her questions but not others’ answers).

Every summer the sun comes out and the dudes take off their shirts. And I can't leave my house because I'm reminded that I can't do that in front of anyone. I couldn't even change in front of the other girls in the locker room in gym class, I'd feel obscene.
As a historian, I'm keenly aware men used to only go topless in homo-social situations where it was just men. About 100 years ago men fought for the right to go topless in public beaches, sharing space with women and children. The reason swimsuits were unisex was because 100 some years ago in America obscenity laws were equal for everyone.
Women have spent the past 100 odd years fighting to breast feed in the same spaces men can go shirtless, or anywhere people eat (like restaurants); it was in effort to stop feeding babies in public toilet stalls. Makes sense. Only the so-called female nipple has a practical function to be exposed.
Obscenity laws for our "bottom parts" make sense since they function in private and ought to function in private, whether to evacuate urine/feces or for sexual relations. It is precisely because of these functions the "genitalia" are banned and considered nudity.
Now, if women want to beat the heat, they better work out that booty because swimwear is about showing off the backside cheeks. However, I guess I grew up being told to cover my butt up, so that's not an option I'd do in public. I don't want people staring at my butt.
Meanwhile, even I'm wearing a tight so-called female swimsuit top it shows off the entire shape of my chest leaving nothing to the imagination the dudes walk around topless without the extra layer of spandex-y type material that is really trapping heat and annoying. Sure, should be moisture wicking and stuff, but women's swimwear seems to trap in the heat. Padding is like wearing little miniature winter coats on my chest, on each "boob," which for me draws attention to that area in more ways being topless would not... Does this make sense?
I'm supposed to show off the shape of my breasts while keeping them covered. I'm supposed to wear itty bitty triangles over them and prevent "nip slips"... let alone I'm expected to shave before I go out in public in these skimpy swimsuits which leave nothing to the imagination.
Men, however, get to throw on baggy shorts and they're ready to go. The prep time is nil. Unless he's in speedos no one is seeing the literal shape of his nether regions. I have supposedly no choice unless I put on even more layers. Shorts and shirts, sweltering in the heat, surrounded by topless dudes who I never gave my consent to frolic around me topless.
Used to be I advocated for equal rights and women going topless but now I just think men should cover up. The conservatives are using their children (girls mostly) to protest seeing a topless "boy" (actually trans) in the locker room. Apparently all this time unbeknownst to me girls don't want to see that. But at the pool, beach, playground, park, street, backyard, frontyard, etc, it's unavoidable. It's totally legal. Males can expose themselves outside the locker room all they want.
When do we accept this as... acceptable public behavior? We know it's nudity, but we must pretend not to notice it. Females are not covered up for having breasts, it's for having nipples. Well last time I checked, dudes have nipples. So that's a double standard.
Sure, this comes down to some primal jealousy I have but for all my life I can't enjoy the summer air the same way. I feel defective, not sexy, and why would I want to feel "sexy" in front of the public of all ages? Why should we say it's cool if men go topless because some of them are sexy, this is a family beach. We say we don't want groomers and pedoPh!les around our kids, who are mostly men let's face it, but we allow strangers to walk around our children topless and think it's OK.
If some topless dude sent your young teen a photo of himself topless, he's not being obscene? It's not nudity? I'd say lock that creep out, because if a woman did the same thing she'd be in prison.
It's rude and most dudes I ever met who go topless around kids/women are usually very narcissist and want that power over others. A sort of Look what I can Do but you Can't.... in addition I'm 42 so starting to have those hot flashes. It's impractical for me to wear more clothing but I'm basically indecent all over, from the bottom to the top. It depresses me so much, always has.
Wearing a sundress to air myself out is not helping plus dictating if only I changed what I wore I'd feel less hot in the sunshine. Put the dudes in sundresses too then. See how they like it.
We should all wear wetsuits. This inequitable definition of what is nudity has only resulted in over a century of men feeling superior for the most overlooked reasons --- they can mow the lawn half naked, they can walk down the street half naked, and no one will tell them what to do. The only places practicing good reason are the No shirts No service shopping centers. We should go back to decency laws, that apply to everyone equally. If men want to be topless, go back to the bathhouses where it was acceptable before and usually almost always places for gay men to frequent to "see topless dudes" DUH...
If nobody wants to see me topless, then understand this--- I don't want to see your dads and sons topless around me. Cover up. Show some respect to women/girls. It is at least disrespectful to flaunt and exercise this law around girls/women--- it is at worst abusive and done without remorse. "I don't care about your comfort, only my own".... it teaches misogyny.
But it's "too hot for a shirt!" Stop it. Apparently it's never been hot for me, I must run cold blooded...
End rant.

Let me start with the summary version:
It all began when I first stumbled upon Inside Edition's videos of women - that's WOMEN getting slammed, insulted, and blasted for "showing too much of their body (with kids around)". Then it escalates further when they show a school is photoshopping out women's cleavages to make them look "modest" for their yearbook. I feel this type of treatment towards the female human is all wrong! Like, can't anybody learn to appreciate and look at the female body without censoring it in any way? Can't you let ANYBODY, including kids, get a chance to learn about the differences between the male and female human bodies????
Then comes along... you guessed it. That one video Inside Edition publishes. And after seeing her top blurred, my inner voice in my head: "That's the last straw!" Like, can't some of us get a chance to learn something new that just aroused our curiosity? Such as how the human body changes with time in terms of both genders? Like, now, I can finally visualize myself (my whole body) from little boy to fully grown man. But when Inside Edition published that footage, the new question that took me by storm is: what would a female look like from little girl to fully grown woman?
But with YouTube's broken comment system GHOSTING certain-to-random comments, even on my backup YouTube account, I can't seem to get ANY messages across!
Speaking of which, when I tried to post this on Feminism and AskFeminists, they BOTH perma-banned me for NO REASON and muted me from talking to their mods for 28 days!
Why do I say "no reason"?
"Hello, You have been permanently banned from participating in this subreddit because your post violates this community's rules. You won't be able to post or comment, but you can still view and subscribe to it.
If you have a question regarding your ban, you can contact the moderator team by replying to this message.
Reminder from the Reddit staff: If you use another account to circumvent this subreddit ban, that will be considered a violation of the Content Policy and can result in your account being suspended from the site as a whole."
As you can see, there is no specific reason listed in the message above. So this is why I claim or what I mean by "banned from a sub for 'no reason'. - Even for something that was never officially listed on that sub's rule board.
Once more, I, along with these parents of their own daughter proved one major point: if a male can go topless/show their body, then so can a female - regardless of age!
Can't I get a chance to learn something new? Some evolution/development processes for certain things can be a little more complicated then you originally first thought.
Now here's the detailed version:
Ok, before you start reading below, I want you to visit this and read the whole article to better understand my situation: https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/kitchener-waterloo/guelph-parents-angry-after-topless-girl-8-told-to-cover-up-1.3124762
I got banned from Lemmy social site servers for "CSAM" all because of this: the Napalm Girl pic and another thing I saw on Inside Edition's channel in addition to some nude statues - literally artwork of naked people - all because I was trying to protest ~the inconsistencies of censorship towards the female human~ - regardless of their race AND age!
Let me be clear on one thing: I didn't post any "CSAM" on the Lemmy servers! I'm protesting something that I feel is unfair towards the female human.
Please ~actually watch these before jumping to conclusions~ so you can actually understand what I’m really protesting!
Women Who Were Told Their Outfits Were ‘Too Revealing’
Mom Says She Was Kicked Out of Gym For Revealing Tank Top: I Felt Humiliated
Cops Dragged Woman Off Beach After Complaint About Her Bikini
It’s one thing to say a girl’s outfit or body is “too revealing”,
Teens React After Yearbook Photos Are ‘Modesty Edited’
it’s two things to photoshop out a girl’s cleavage to make her look “modest” for a yearbook or a portrait!
9-Year-Old Saves Family From House Fire
But censoring a topless preteen girl who thought up an ingenious strategy to stay cool like her friends in the same stuffy room while at the same time not caring who’s around her? THAT’S REALLY CROSSING THE LINE!
It's all thanks to some videos from Inside Edition's YouTube Channel.All these videos Inside Edition posted are developing a question in my mind that's getting the better of me: why so much hate on the female human - even as children? Like, why do they censor the little girl's chest? Can't anybody learn to appreciate the appearance of the female body? Just like those parents of their own 8 year old daughter, I too am genuinely outraged by this type of treatment towards the female human!
And what's the big deal with nipples? I'm just trying to ensure everyone is treated equally regardless of race, and gender... AND age (after what I just witnessed). And if no one's gonna speak up about this, I might as well step up to the plate. After all, somebody's got to do it!
That little girl in the final video made two non-verbal messages clear: one: if a boy can do it, then so can a girl! And two: no one is too young for anything! As long as you have the knowledge capacity and I.Q level to do it properly and safely, you'll be fine. I was able to refuel my dad's car and cook my own dinner when I was 6 and without setting anything ablaze by accident.
However, when I try to illustrate with that video, even though Inside Edition is an official news channel, the responses I get back are rather bitter! They remove my post or ban me from the sites I post on for "promoting nudity involving a minor"!
~WHERE~
~CAN~
~I~
~ASK~
~OR~
~SHARE~
~THIS~
~SUBJECT?!~
Due to my autism, I only know basic English. So I need to illustrate to get most of my messages through. I thought hard, I tried, and low and behold, they were removed hours later mainly because they "didn't fit the subject of the forum". Even though my multi-subject based thread does have some material relating to this forum's topic. These sites and mods are all really stretching my problem solving skills beyond the breaking point for this one. I'm merely protesting with these pictures and videos as illustration. I'm not that good with words, so I need pictures to get half my messages across as noted above.
Many subreddits or forum sites don’t accept URLs, pictures, specific website URLs, or even a combination! Thereby hindering my ability to fully explain what I’m witnessing! In this case, the sentences “It’s one thing to say a girl’s outfit is ‘too revealing’, it’s two things to photoshop out a girl’s cleavage to make her look ‘modest’ for a yearbook.” actually corresponded to several videos I beared witness to on Inside Edition’s YouTube channel.
I actually tried to post that URL with that blurred 9yo girl in a subreddit in the past and you won’t believe this: I actually lost my reddit account for 2 days for “promoting nudity involving a minor”! Other sites like the adult video forums who accept uncensored nudity-based images I mentioned just delete my thread! Another site I recall banned me for 1 year for “spam” - even though I only made this protest post twice (after they removed it once).
So that meant I had to approach this from a different angle: after that experience, I got a little paranoid from using that said video URL to illustrate. So I tried explaining this protest without the URLs - and this is in conjunction with certain sites restricting my ability to post images, URLs, certain site URLs, or a combination. It seemed to end up making things worse! Because without the visual evidence, it makes it much harder to fully explain what I’m witnessing.
So without the URLs included - that visual illustration, on the sites I tried along with Lemmy World, it actually made things worse! That’s what lead Lemmy.World mods to ban me for life for “CSAM” or made other people think I watched child porn when I clearly didn’t. The lack of visual evidence (due to my past reddit experience combined with the site’s posting restrictions) is what lead to this “pedophile” confusion. So please help me talk some sense into the Lemmings world, Lemmy.ml, and Lemmy.world mods that this was all a major misunderstanding and Lemmy is pretty much the only reddit alternative out here where I can try asking another question. My attempt to appeal has failed on 3 Lemmy social sites - even after I tried notifying the mods on the third Lemmy server site before making the post, so I need your help now!
I felt after Inside Edition uploaded that blurred 9yo girl video… I thought to myself “That’s the last straw!” Someone needs to protest these absurd censorship laws that they apply to the female human!
Why can males show most of their body but females can’t? - In most cases that is? Whatever happened to "Free The Nipple"?
Children should have the same… rights to do things as any adult! It’s about possessing the knowledge capacity and I.Q level to safely execute this action. E.G, on those “Family Day” episodes of The Price is Right and Let’s Make a Deal; those kids made smart choices when picking the correct numbers to items to win a prize.
I’m not joking around here! This type of treatment towards the female human needs to stop - this includes race and age. - It’s like racist people, but in age form.
Does it look like I’m laughing for fun? Of course not! Since no one else is protesting this, and YouTube has a flawed comment moderating system hindering my ability to post on even random videos (I.E, "ghosting"), I have to take more drastic measures to protest by stepping up to the plate and shouting out “Can’t we all be equal in terms of a huge variety of traits?” Yeah, the last thing I need is a vein-bleeding broken-record robot impeding or hindering my ability to seek answers to a question!
We need to learn to appreciate or accept how the female body appears regardless of race and age!
Stop trying to blame it all on me! None of the stuff in the vids posted, is that. If it was, Inside Edition would be the guilty party, and Youtube for not having already deleted them. If it doesn’t violate Youtube’s TOS, it should be fine to post anywhere. If there was even a hint of impropriety to it, at the minimum the vid would have been age restricted.
No one would answer! Not even Inside Edition themselves were willing to offer an answer when I even found their email address, the sites dedicated to helping those in mental, suicidal, or emotional distress (those forum sites even PERMA-banned me for "spam" - that's right, SPAM! (Even though there was absolutely no mention of a permanent ban or rule about "spam" in their forum guidelines!) Is that the definition of "spam" when I make a bad thread only once?! And when I try to appeal the ban, the same message "please contact the administrator if it was done in error" is blocking my ability to click the contact button! Or sometimes it's a blank white page with that message in the top left corner of the window! - Which adds more insult to injury, because I can't click anything as all the buttons have disappeared! That means I can't log out of that site either!), OR the adult video forums that support uncensored nudity images would accept that video link URL let alone the entire topic itself! So I really am at a loss for thoughts and words on what I just experienced! Heck, I even tried the professional therapists of talkingforchange.ca But even they too were too reluctant to talk as they claim my post regarding the censorship of women is not for their platform and they disconnected the chat 2 seconds after their last reply to me. And I highly doubt that ANY site will allow me to illustrate with a picture of the Napalm Girl (Phan Thi Kim Phuc) when she was 9, certain pictures of Pampers diaper boxes (why do you think they (Pampers, Huggies, etc.) even allow a pic of a topless little boy or girl to be plastered on a diaper box we see in grocery stores/supermarkets everyday?), Leela when she was an infant in the episode Leela's Homeworld, or even Belgium's famous kids: Manneken Pis/Jeanneke Pis. That, combined with YouTube having a flawed comment moderating system hindering my ability to post comments on certain-to-random videos (I.E, "ghosting"), I'm forced to take more drastic measures to get my messages across. All this combined, ~I'VE NEVER FELT SO SHUNNED FROM THE INTERNET IN ALL MY LIFE!~
But here's a strange catch: sometimes on some sites, Napalm Girl is censored, other sites she isn't. So I felt that I need to protest this. It seems everyone is too chicken to even start this subject! Don't these numbskulls know not to judge a book by it's cover?! This is where I ask myself "NOW WHAT?!". This can't be one of those "exceptional" cases where they say "suicide never solves anything" doesn't apply to these types of situations. In other words, all hope for resolving these types of situations really is lost. I really do feel left in the dark on both the subject of sound effects and nudity!
Once more, I'm not being a ped, I'm protesting all these absurd censorship rules and regulations that revolve around the female human - regardless of race and age - after what Inside Edition posted. Watch the videos I found again for clarification. In other words, ~the inconsistencies of female human censorship~.
Can you really - you know, hurl insults at Inside Edition or blast them for what they did? It was their idea to publicly publish the footage. Just like how that one photographer made the choice to publicly publish footage of the Napalm Girl when she was 9 and completely nude. Therefore, it should be ok to share this footage anywhere.
But some areas censored Napalm Girl's nipples, but others did not - excluding her groin. Then there's the diaper boxes I found in any supermarket. And finally... Surprise surprise: typical women being scolded by other people for wearing something "inappropriate" or "showing too much of their body". I look around and since no one else is protesting about this, I might as well do it! After all, someone's gotta step up to the plate to hit that ball! I will not sit idling by the sidelines and continue to watch the female human get treated/censored like this! I will stand up, step up, and speak out towards these absurd reactions, rules, and regulations that revolve around the appearance and censorship of the female body! What about the famous Jeanneke Pis in Belgium? Do you think she along with other nude statues are trying to promote pedophilia?

The cases of Natália and Isadora

Natália Sampaio had a troubling raising, her parents were never married, and her family struggled financially. She initially lived with her grandmother from her mother side. But after reaching thirteen she went to live with her two brothers, who were farmworkers. When she was fifteen years old, she dropped from school. A move that both her brothers and her grandmother disapproved. She then started basically to spend more time out of home in Cumuruxatiba, which is a neighborhood in the small beachside municipality of Prado - Bahia, Brazil.
She then started to get involved with drugs and sadly, to sustain her addiction, relied in prostitution, a move that her family didn't know about. At the age of 16 she became acquaintance with Isabel Fernandes, who was 15 years old at that time. Isabel was also addicted and misguided by Sampaio, they started to do small thefts and also prostituted herself.
In April, 2021, Sampaio wanted to change her life and come clean, so she told her grandmother that she wanted to go back to school, also telling her, her wrongdoings. Her grandmother did something that she regrets until this very day, she didn't trust in her and told her granddaughter to seek her mother or her brothers for housing and support.
Late in April, both Fernandes and Sampaio went missing. They went to a Luau that oftens take place in the town, on the beaches. Some days later, Sampaio's remains were found on a river, strangled with a rope tied to a heavy stone. Fernandes remains and whereabouts are still unknown until this day, she is presumably deceased.

The cases of Erika and the Prado's Jane Doe

In June, 2021. Another female body was found in Jucuruçu River, the initial investigation believed it would be Fernandes remains, but after the autopsy, the woman could not be identified, it was in an advanced stage of decay, and from bones and teeth, they could only identify that the woman was in her early 30s, late 20s.
The woman was body's was found strangled in the neck with a rope, the rope was tied to a heavy stone. The woman identity's remains a unsolved mystery until this very day.
Erika Batista lived in Teixeira de Freitas a satellite town in the southern region of Bahia, she was eighteen years old, a Baptist and a student, in her High School sophomore year. In August, 2021. Batista asked her mother if she could go to a camping trip with a group of friends from her Church. Her mother, Leidiane Batista, initially declined, but moved by her daughter's plea, let her go. "Don't drink alcohol, don't have sex, don't go to parties", she told her daughter.
Her boyfriend at that time, Jhonatas Rocha, and an unnamed minor close friend also went with her. August 21th, they went to a boat trip in Jucuruçu River and then in the night they went to the beach and started a firecamp along with their group of friends. Walking at night on the beaches of Prado is something really common that both tourists and citizens regularly do. So the group often split, so duos or trios could roam through the beautiful scenario, featuring a full moon.
This would be the last time they would see Batista alive, as she and a her close friend went roaming through the beach. That friend of her was smitten by Batista and they both had a fling, but Batista was dismayed of betraying her boyfriend, so she and her friend had a little misunderstading. Batista was furious and told her that she wanted to go alone, a mistake that probably cost her life.
Three hours later, her boyfriend realized that her friend returned, but Batista didn't, so he went to look after her, only to find her 3 miles away, in the river's mouth, naked, strangled with a rope and the rope was tied to a stone. He could barely see someone fleeing the scene and he ran back to the group after, unsuccessfully trying to revive Batista.
The investigation never led to a suspect. All the cases remain unsolved.

Patterns and Concerns

• Modus Operandi: All victims were strangled with a rope, and their bodies were tied to heavy stones, suggesting a deliberate attempt to conceal the bodies in water.
• Victim Profile: The victims vary in age and background but share a common fate of being assaulted and disposed of in a similar manner.
• Geographical Consistency: All incidents occurred within the southern region of Bahia, particularly around Teixeira de Freitas and Prado.

My final thoughts

Three women killed in the same way, one missing. In the region of Teixeira de Freitas (which encompasses Prado), there is also an unsettling number of women disappearances (three in 2021, four in 2022, and five last year), and if their remains are ever found, they are always sexually assaulted, strangled to death. Then their bodies are tied to a rope and the rope is tied to heavy stone.
The consistent method of killing and disposing of bodies strongly suggests the work of a serial killer rather than a series of unrelated incidents. The increasing number of disappearances and the specific method of disposal point to a pattern that law enforcement should investigate thoroughly, which unfortunately, does not happen.
If by coincidence there is a copycat, which I don't think it is, I believe that there is a serial killer in the region and I have been documenting these cases and there are many similarities between the cases. I'll link some material, but they are in Brazilian Portuguese, just for reference.
Polícia investiga se jovem estrangulada e morta em praia do Prado foi estuprada
Morte misteriosa de adolescente comove e mobiliza vilarejo no sul da Bahia...
Adolescente que estava sumida desde domingo é encontrada morta com pedra amarrada em pescoço e perfurações no corpo
Prado: Pescador encontra um corpo no Rio Jucuruçu que pode ser da adolescente que estava desaparecida
Continua desaparecida na cidade de Prado, Cristina de Jesus Lima, 22 anos
Mãe procura filha de 14 anos desaparecida há 3 dias em Teixeira

The moment a lot of you have been waiting for is here!
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)

1. Direct quotes from Ali herself are in italics.
2. I tried my best to keep everything in timeline order. Some people like The Come Back Kid I placed in the order where they reconnected/talked about on the pod. But I did my best to note this.
3. All this information came from the FMH podcast, the Patreon, the original FMH blog, TikTok and other podcast that feature FMH/Ali. I also crossed reference information with this sub. I got most of this done with the help of the Patreon and listening to 1.75x speed but I lost accessed to the Patreon because my subscription ended.
4. I'm open to edits! Things around the matchmaker era confused me and if anything is incorrect or if I'm missing someone, please let me know! I will note where corrections are made.
5. Some people don't have anything simply because only a name was said or I couldn't find any details about the person/date
6. And of course, please be respectful of all the sub rules!

Names on the original FMH blog

• Mr. Adorable aka The Coach
• Trouble
• Waffles
• Future Husband Brian (FHB)
• Cookie
• Peter Pan
• Ambiguous Goodbye Guy
• Bad Bitch Man

AOL chatroom Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”

Starts FMH on January 2020 on Instagram/TikTok

The Traveler
He was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)

Ali and Roark start FMH: The Podcast February 2021

The Boomerang
First date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”

Ali’s Matchmaker contract starts in August 2021 - 6 matches

The Schmoozer
Went on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches

The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”

2022

The Discoball
Matched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO

Roark leaves and Erica joins the pod Oct 31st 2022

Captain Kirk
5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended

Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back

2023

The Falcon
First date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after he asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’

2024

Pie Guy/Dr. Laundry
Matched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22

I've listened to thousands of hours of recovery podcasts and webinars over the last three years and every single professional basically says that the overwhelming majority of addicts get into recovery to avoid consequences (discovery by a partner, job/financial consequences, legal problems, etc). That most professionals can count on one hand the addicts who choose to enter recovery of their own volition. But they all say, they can work with that. Addicts can start recovery to avoid the consequences of discovery but very quickly they've got to be in recovery because they want it themselves.
And this recovery is generally just the very basic beginnings of recovery...sobriety but nothing else. Addicts who actually get into solid recovery (and stay sober) are the ones who have hit rock bottom and are actually willing to do ANYTHING to get into recovery.
I read posts and comments from partners here everyday that say something like 'my addict has said he'll do anything to keep our relationship/stop his addiction...but...'

• he doesn't want to give up his favorite video game with sex/nudity
• he doesn't want to give up his favorite tv show/movie with sex/nudity
• he doesn't want to give up social media
• he doesn't want accountability software on his devices
• he doesn't want to do 12 step because he's not religious
• he doesn't want to do 12 step because he's not as bad as 'those' guys
• he doesn't want to do 12 step because the time of the meeting isn't his preference
• he doesn't want to do therapy because 'it won't work'
• he doesn't want to do therapy because he doesn't want to tell anyone about his problem
• he doesn't want to do therapy because it's too expensive (but he was spending $50/week on OnlyFans before discovery)
• he can't listen to podcasts or read recovery materials or do any recovery work because he has ADHD (I'm not saying that something like ADHD isn't a valid reason for struggling with things like reading but an addict who wants recovery will find alternate ways to access recovery materials)
• he can't listen to podcasts or read recovery materials or do any recovery work because he's too busy
• he still wants to go to his best friends bachelor party with strippers
• he has to go to the strip club with his boss on their work trip because everyone else is going
• he doesn't want to give up his favorite group chat where they just happen to share nude photos of women they find online
• he 'needs' access to reddit for SFW content
• he 'needs' access to FB, IG, TT, etc for work (even someone with a career in social media can find a way to limit access for safety if they choose to)
• he doesn't want you looking at his phone because then he won't have any privacy
• he needs his device in the bathroom because it's boring without it
• he needs to be able to watch porn if you're not available for sex whenever he wants it
• he needs to be able to watch porn because sometimes he just wants to mindlessly masturbate
• he's 'very stressed' and porn 'helps'
• all his friends use porn and they say it's 'normal'
• he still wants to go to that music festival/concert where there are scantily clad women that he actively admits he ogles whenever he attends
• he's not a man if he doesn't get to watch porn
• he needs to watch porn if you're not willing to do every sexual act he likes from porn
• he still wants to go to nude beaches because 'everyone' goes
• he can't help but stare at every woman he sees out in public because he's a man
• he can't help but stare at every woman he sees out in public because it would be weird if he stared at the ground or looked up at the sky
• (adding a few more as I see them in comments or think of them)...
• he doesn't know what to do
• he can do it by himself
• he doesn't need help
• he's too embarrassed to ask for help
• no one can help him
• he'll just stop
• it's too hard
• he doesn't know where to start
• he doesn't know how to find help
• no one ever taught him how to do this
• you're being so mean to him
• and the excuses go on...and on...and on...

This is NOT an addict who has hit rock bottom and is actually willing to do ANYTHING to save his relationship and get into recovery. This is an addict who is telling you that any of those reasons listed above are more important than you and your relationship. When they say that...LISTEN TO THEM. Don't keep trying to save a relationship and defend an addict when the other person in the relationship admits that a video game is more important to him than you. A phone in the bathroom is more important to him than you.
An addict who truly wants to be in recovery is willing to do anything. They are willing to give up anything. Nothing, not a single damn thing, is more important to them than their recovery. And you deserve an addict in actual recovery. You deserve more than an addict who gives excuse after excuse why they can't do recovery. Please stop accepting these stupid excuses and addicts who prioritize anything and everything over you. You deserve better.

I live in a small rural conservative town and it is extremely hard to express yourself here. LGBTQ+ members are ridiculed and harassed for their sexuality or gender, POC are called slurs and harassed over their skin color, and women, especially young girls my age (13-16), are catcalled, sexually harassed, and objectified. It’s a shithole and I want out, but I’m only 15 and my family doesn’t have the money to move without government assistance. Safe to say, if you are not a cishet white guy who dresses like a farm hand or cishet white girl who’s always wearing lululemon and carrying a Stanley, nobody will like you. Not saying those things are bad, you can dress however you want and be who you want, but you know what I mean, it’s like an established norm.
You at least have a chance at being liked and fitting in with the crowds if you’re a minority who likes what the poplar kids do, which is sports, dating, vaping, drinking, and the beach, because that’s all I hear them talk about when they’re not harassing other people or talking shit about them. Sure, you’ll still be the butt end of the joke due to your race or sexuality, trust me I’ve seen it, but you’ll at least have some sort of a social life and status. If you’re a minority and don’t like those things though, tough shit I guess.
I’m white, so my race isn’t really something they go after, but I am arobi (aromantic bisexual), and I dress in a more casual gothic style? Certainly not whatever’s accepted by most of my peers, if what thy say about me is anything to go by. Not many people know I’m arobi so they leave me alone for that, but they obviously know I’m a girl because I’m rather fem presenting, and it’s horrible. One of the popular guys threatened to rape me in the woods, trust me, it’s horrible, not to mention him and his friends always referred to me as ‘fleshlight’ instead of my actual name, even in front of teachers, who did nothing to stop it, by the way. They’ve done plenty of other gross shit but all you have to know is that their sexual harassment towards me was the straw that broke the camel’s back and made me quit school in favor of doing online school.
It’s just miserable. I have a close group of friends which I’m grateful for, but they don’t like the same things I do. We share some common interests like Sanrio, two of them even like some anime, but they’re not as into it as me. For context, I’m a bit nerdy. I collect anime figures and Sanrio merch and stuffed animals and stuff, and that’s very rare in this town. The only place I have to turn to to really express and be myself is the internet, but I haven’t even made any online friends, which I don’t want to by the way, but even then I have no real community or social circle there, either.
I just feel alienated. Part of me is attention and praise-driven due to my past of being emotionally and physically neglected as a younger child, and realizing that the majority of people in this town hate my guts is miserable, because I do want people to like me. But most of all, I just want to be myself and be happy without being harassed or judged or objectified or anything. Nowadays it feels like that’s too much to ask for, everyone is so damn rude and mean and yeah, I guess I get it, we all have someone we don’t like, but do you really have to go that far? Not everyone is going to be just like you, look like you, like the same things as you, and feel the same way you do on things. I feel these people need to get over it and move on with their own lives instead of ruining the lives of others.
Anyways that’s the end of my rant. I probably sound like an angsty teen going through some sort of phase, and maybe I am, but I just wanted to have somewhere to get this out. Thanks for reading if you read this I guess, you can comment and give comfort or your own insight if you want but you don’t have to, I didn’t make this to get attention or anything.

Hey guys,
I just needed to get something off my mind again. So sorry for another negative post on this sub :( I already talked about this on here before but recently my boyfriend has been liking provocative bikini pics. These are celebrities and only two, I can understand cuz they’re both singers, but I have already expressed before how I don’t like seeing that. Its not like i’m stalking him or anything, these posts go on my feed too. He liked Tyla’s latest post. I mean she’s so beautiful I get it but idk, i feel like im just sayings again and again and i dont know what to do this time. On my last post i talked about those dancing girls. I got busy with life stuff that I just didn’t get back to it anymore. I haven’t seen anything else aside from those ever since. I dont know if im making sense rn im so sorry! Just so down and clueless. It doesnt bother me as much as before anymore. But i still get a little feeling that i’m not giving enough pictures/what he likes to see even though i send them almost everyday. He doesn’t even comment on them sometimes. Also the other day we were going through photos I sent him from way before and it was a beach photo with family and friends. He said something like “its so weird that I have half naked women on my phone like this” idk if as a joke or not. Its even funnier cuz why are you gonna comment on that but then like similar photos on social media. Maybe these photos are not provocative for some but definitely are for me and him. From before people tell me that guys do this and it is not unusual in relationships. That’s something I don’t know how to take because its weird to me but what bothers me all in all is how many times we’ve already talked about it. Anyway, thanks for reading.
edit: Thank you so much to all of you for the comments and for reading I appreciate it a lot. Right now i’m trying to think of how I can bring it up again. I don’t have time for it right now but i’m just so fed up. Sometimes I think if its just something wrong on my part. Your comments help so much though 💗

How to begin?
I'm a 38F; single.
My hobbies are D&D, art, video games, traveling, and karate. I play D&D every weekend, and go to karate 3xs/week. I work full-time doing tech-related things for a small department.
While I have "friends", I feel as though I'm often the only one reaching out to see how they are, or the only one wanting to spend time together.
I've given up the dating scene for now as it's been really disappointing after the last 3 months with local men, and a hurtful last year with falling for someone who never did (and still doesn't 'see me' or know what makes me tick.) He and I were friends before the situation, and still are, but he's distant; which sucks as I feel the closest to him more than anyone else in the area....though it may be one-sided at this point.
At work, I feel like an outlier as I don't fit in with the other girls in the department that I work with. Hobbies, age, body type; everything is different. Most of them are married as well. None of them do tech, and I feel awkward being in groups of women as most of my hobbies have always been male-dominated and I'm more comfortable talking about geek stuff than getting my nails done or the latest video on Tiktok.
D&D is fun, and I like several of the people that I play with, but they are all married/have children, while I have neither of those. And some of them are good friends of people who I don't get along with at all, and would rather not be around.
I love karate. I would go to class every day if I could. The dojo feels like my spiritual home, but it's small with a lot of kids. I would love to spend time with some of the people that go there, but they're always so busy; usually with their families or their jobs. They'll make promises to hang out, and not follow through. Or they'll make plans with me, and then change them without discussing them with me first; telling me afterwards when I've already made other plans and can't join them with their new plans.
I think the worst thing is hearing them talk about going home to their families, or the ones who are roommates; ask each other what they want for dinner as they walk out together...They say we're friends, but friends make time to hang out together, don't they? I often just end up sitting in my car for awhile after class; either in the parking lot or at home, as I don't want to return to an empty place. (I can't afford a pet right now.)
I spent 7.5 years teaching English both in Korea and Japan. The isolation and loneliness there was to be expected; with the language and cultural barrier and whatnot. I even got so lonely that I signed up for junk emails just so 'someone' would email me. I also started writing a diary and emails that I never sent to feel like maybe someone was hearing me. So I guess that I felt like when I got back here, I would naturally fall into friendships and relationships, but that hasn't been the case. My local friends from high school I feel as though I've outgrown, and my foreigner friends that I made in Japan aren't allowed to talk after a certain time, are busy with s/os, or are depressed so don't want to talk anymore.
I know that I'm "really cool" and a good person and friend with a big heart. I've heard it alot. But it just feels like if I were to slowly disappear, would people notice? Would they even care past the work I do or me being one of the few women at the dojo? I love the dojo, and I want to help there with whatever I can, but I often feel shot down when I offer to help with things; even if I have the skills or experience to help and they could really use my help.
Sometimes I fantasize that my friends would call upon me for help and support with something and I could swoop in there and be appreciated by them. I guess I just want to be wanted and needed by someone, if not something. I want to be included, and invited to things. I want to help my friends and have a strong bond with them and spend time outside of our shared hobbies with each other. I want to belong somewhere.
I miss the community that I had in high school. I tried joining community band here, but it didn't go well so I joined karate instead. My online gaming friends either are busy with their gfs and we very rarely game together now, or they no longer have a subscription to play online.
I've tried to embrace the fun parts about being alone; like staying in pajamas or staying up late or following my own plans. I'll take myself out to do fun things, like seeing a movie, or lunch, or the beach, but the novelty wears off when I get home and I'm alone and have no one to really share it with. Except Facebook.
While I was invited to a friend's birthday party last-minute, I'm also currently under an incredible amount of stress at the moment with my dad being in the hospital, and having to see him nearly every day. I haven't been able to focus on work, and when I get home, I'm mentally and physically tapped out. Household affairs have greatly fallen behind and it makes me come down on myself even harder...why do other people not have this problem and not break down and cry like I do? I've been so frustrated and hard on myself lately... I have a therapy appointment next month, but that's still so far away.
I just really need a hug, and an invitation to hang out with friends and be seen and understood without judgement.
Thank you for listening.

Please read my whole post and give me some advice if you can <3 I grew up being taught that bikinis are never acceptable and it is just bra and panties, and wearing this in public, especially around men, is a poor decision that affects everyone around me. Not just myself (my mothers words)
My mother is an amazing woman with incredible standards that she holds herself to. I am now 20, moved out, paying my own bills, etc. when I became an adult, I started wearing bikinis for 2 main reasons.

1. One pieces feel extremely uncomfortable on my body. I have some sensory issues and I hate how it feels for the fabric to cling to my body, and wet all of my clothes when putting clothes back on after swimming
2. Bikinis always cut into the bikini line area causing irritation wear I shave, and irritated bumps. I feel like it also contributes to ingrown hairs.
3. It makes it difficult to use the restroom. I have to always take the swimsuit all the way off, then put a damp swimsuit back on. Very uncomfortable and time consuming.

I recently took a trip and my mother saw a photo of me in a bikini and she is not letting it go. Telling me constantly that it is the same as bra and panties and she is disappointed and confused why I would wear a bikini with men around. I don’t think it is biblically incorrect to wear a bikini. I do not wear string thong bikinis, they are regular bikinis. All the other women wear bikinis at the beach that are much more revealing than mine, so I’m not sure why mine would be so horrible. No matter what I say to my mother, father, and brother, they are not letting it go. I am an adult and this is making me feel uncomfortable. I do not want my family to be concerned about MY BODY. They keep asking me for a biblical explanation to justify my decision to wear bikinis, but I’m not sure what to say other than I don’t feel convicted.