Hi again everyone it's me, if you remember. I got a couple people in my dms asking how I'm doing and I'm allowed to write another update so... well. Here I am. Almost exactly 6 weeks since the worst 48 hours of my life.
I guess I'll just get into it since I'm using this as a diary at this point but I did also start journaling but journaling feels kind of lonely sometimes. And a lot has happened that I would appreciate everyone's thoughts on because you have all been really helpful. Thank you so much.
TL;DR: I'm back at work and getting on my feet and going to group art therapy. I met one of my boyfriend's old friends who's taking care of him and putting him through rehab. My old friends are coming back around and I'm trying to figure out how to be accountable and better for them. I'm ok, I'm safe, I'm almost happy.
I went back to work on May 1st because I promosed myself I would. I work at a smoothie shop, and we are a small team of 4 who usually work in pairs with my boss (the owner) there during rush hours and the baker who works before any of us come in.
When I came to open the shop that morning, the baker talked with me and asked how I was doing. I don't want people to know a lot but she has always been nice to me so I vented a little to her. I wasn't expecting how good it felt to talk to someone about everything that happened even not super detailed. Especially when she gave me such a big hug which made me cry tbh and told me to be strong and she was so happy I came back and didn't hide. 🥺
After talking to her and the coworker I usually work with, I felt better about therapy and stuff because talking does help. So when I got the call from that group therapy thing I wasn't as scared and didn't chicken out like I thought I would. I went and met people in my group, and it was a good experience. I am still going today.
A few days after the 1st I got a call from an unknown number. I don't normally answer those but with the situation and numbers I've been calling lately I didn't want to miss something important so I answered. A man introduced himself to me (I will call him "Tom") and told me he was a friend of my boyfriend "Luke".
I had never heard of this person before and I was just completely shocked and kind of just said "oh" and he started talking. He said he paid the rent for May for the suite and said he gave notice of ending the rental agreement, and asked if I wanted anything of mine from the place and if so he told me I had until the 11th before he dumped/sold stuff and start cleaning.
I came back to myself after that and was just like "hang on who are you and did you find Luke or what???" Because as far as I knew Luke was still missing and also I didn't know who he was.
So basically, a little background on Luke's life: He's originally from very very rural Quebec. He was taken into custody by the ministry when he was 8 after his mom passed away via sui and tried to take him with her because of his dad's extreme physical and sexual abuse towards both Luke and his mom. There were no foster resources in his town so he was taken to a bigger city and put with a family there.
He got into a lot of trouble with the ministry and police and kept having to get moved around due to threatening behavior towards his foster family (parents and siblings). Eventually he got into drinking and drugs and very badly beat up his younger foster brother and foster mother when he was 11 or 12. He got diagnosed with a conduct disorder and got put into juvie prison.
There was a project starting at that time in BC that was rehabilitation for juvie kids in MCFD custody. Basically they set up group homes that were staffed by social workers and counselors, like a foster home but run by a non-profit group not one family. This is actually something similar to where I grew up, but mine was for kids who "failed to thrive" in single-family care while Luke's was for kids who were criminals or addicts.
Because of his childhood situation and how they got him into custody, the MCFD wanted to see Luke go through one of those programs and hopefully be better. So they told him either the group home or juvie and he picked the group home, and a social worker from BC came to get him and flew him to the city. But in this new city even though he got to go back to public school and do stuff like gymnastics which he missed, he didn't know english as much and didn't have friends. So he started acting out again and got arrested more times.
Back to now. Tom told me that when he was in grade 10 and Luke was in grade 8, Tom joined a leadership club at his high school. Because of Luke's history he was forced into leadership club's "big brother" program with threat of being expelled if he didn't. Tom got assigned Luke in his "big brother" project, and they became friends, and then they became family all through high school and through Tom's first 3 years at uni. When he was telling me this I was blown away because Luke literally never even mentioned him so I finally just asked "well then why don't I know you? what happened?"
Tom said "Well, you know Luke." And I guess I do. Soooo yeah.
Luke showed up at Tom's childhood home a week after the stuff with Peanut, and Tom's parents called 911 because he was erratic and very high. The ambulance came and took him, and Tom went to the hospital to see him after his parents told him what happened.
At this point I had to go catch the bus but I told him we could text and meet and I wanted to help him clean the place too because I felt responsibility. He insisted it would be fine but I insisted I wanted to help so I texted him my schedule and we arranged a time to meet.
When I told my boss about all of this she and especially her husband asked if I could take a friend or if one of them could go. I told them I would ask my coworker since we have the same days off so I wouldn't trouble his busy schedule and definitely my boss should NOT go because she is getting so pregnant it's crazy and she needed to rest and still does need rest.
So my coworker I will call Nerd bc inside joke (who is male and big so that is helpful) agreed and we bussed to Luke's place. There was a car in front I didn't know so I assumed it was Tom's and sure enough he was there when I went in and was dealing with the fridge.
We shook hands and I introduced Nerd who kind of puffed up and made a stupid joke about beating Tom's ass over funny business but tbh the second I met Tom I got pretty OK vibes. But I guess well maybe I shouldn't trust it but really he was ok.
We went separately through the place and I spent most of my time in my "room" which was just a corner of the living room with a curtain tbh but my stuff was there so I packed it into garbage bags I brought. Kinda got flashbacks of packing as a kid which felt... weird tbh. 🙃
It also didn't help that Tom was kind of weird. Like not in a bad way but he would curse and mutter to himself when he found something gross or messed up like bad food, Luke's collection of drug stuff, that kind of thing. But then he would also tell me and Nerd what to do and where to put trash vs other stuff, but ALSO like... acted like he didn't want to touch anything himself? Like super cautious.
He also asked me stuff about my life here and how things were and what me and Luke did together, and I answered what I was comfortable with but he still kept apologizing and telling me he didn't want to know my personal stuff. Like it wasn't bad weird like I said but I think he was rly uncomfortable. He did pull me aside in the bathroom and asked if Luke ever hurt me and I was able to answer honestly and say no, he never even treated me that bad. But when I said that he kind of scoffed and muttered "that bad" like sarcastically and seemed mad so seriously it was. Weird. But idk if I were Tom I'd probably be pretty messed up about all of this so.
I insisted to help clean and Tom went to take the trash out. Nerd said he had to go soon bc he had an exam he had to study for and I said he could go and promised I'd be ok because I didn't get a bad vibe from Tom and Nerd admitted Tom seemed ok too. So he left but told me to call if I needed him bc he wouldn't be SUPER busy.
After saying goodbye I kind of asked Tom after a while what was going on with Luke. I just needed to know I guess? I don't know, I felt a lot of emotion being back there. Like I felt the love for him again and wished he was ok but Tom didn't tell me anything yet about where he was or how he was just that he was alive and reported found to police.
So... Luke's in rehab on the island. Tom talked to him in the hospital after he detoxed and said he explained the situation that happened. Apparently Luke broke down sobbing when he told him how he killed Peanut, and said the words: "I killed Peanut. I killed Peatie." Tom started crying while telling me this and tbh I cried too. I thanked Tom for being there bc Tom said he held him and comforted him and after all the hugs I got after Peanut and how that helped I'm just glad Luke got that too.
But yeah, so Tom told Luke it was time to get it together and Luke agreed. Tom seems hopeful it'll stick "this time," which he explained their original falling out was bc Luke lied to Tom about being sober after Tom put him through rehab once before. I really hope it will too and I am glad he has Tom to help him and pay for rehab bc it's not cheap especially those private places on the island but apparently the first time it failed it was in one of those cheap places in the DTES and Tom told me since he's been running programs there he's seen firsthand how those places are run and says the private is worth the money. Which I think is sad bc so many people are poor and need help too but it's complicated ig.
Tom offered me a ride home and I accepted. He told me before we got into the car that it would be ok if I wanted to text a picture of his license plate and car and ID to a safe person and I didn't even consider that so I felt kind of stupid but I did do that stuff and texted my boss and told her we were leaving. But tbh I wasn't worried. Tom seemed so nice and he gave me so much closure on what happened with Luke and knowing he's in good hands with someone that seems really sweet and put together makes me feel better about all the choices I made and also makes me feel like Peanut's loss has more meaning.
When I got home Tom introduced himself to my boss briefly and then we went in. She asked how everything went and I told her everything I wrote out here except I started crying hard and she cuddled me and told me to take it slow. But unlike other times I've cried since Peanut passed, that cry felt different. Like I was weak and emptied out, but not emptied out of all the good things, more like emptied out of the heavy things to make room for even more. And I haven't cried since. Not over Luke, and not over Peanut.
So I'm doing ok. Me and Tom met up twice more to clean the suite and I joined him for the inspection yesterday with the landlord. It felt good to leave that on a good note too, because the landlord let me move in back in fall which he didn't have to do especially with Peanut, and always treated us well. He told me that even though I wasn't an official tenant I could use him as a reference.
After the inspection yesterday Tom took me, my boss, boss' husband, and their daughter for dinner at a REALLY nice place which we all said was unnecessary but he insisted. He said really nice things to me about how he's grateful I tried so hard to take care of Luke and knows personally how difficult it is to love him. He promised me that nothing was my fault and that I can let it go now because he's going to take care of him and I should focus on moving forward into adulthood without any burdens. Idk maybe you had to be there but the way he said it was like... maybe I'm reading too much into it but it was like he was really specifically saying this stuff for Luke's sake or bc Luke hurt me and he felt like he had to make up to me? But it was nice either way.
Oh and I reconnected with a few of my old friends from high school!! The ones who I had a bad falling out with over Luke and my bad choices. My one friend Taylor reached out to me after I made my story on May 22nd a selfie of me reading that 'why does he do that' book and saying "1 month single 🙏" I guess a mutual mentioned it to Taylor and she added my number on sc again.
It's only kinda been small talk and stuff so far, but I've been trying to be really nice and I'm waiting for it to come up to take accountability for my bad treatment of the friend group but I'm thinking maybe I should say something first bc no one is bringing it up? Idk, if anyonr has advice I would appreciate it a lot bc I really want to be so much better than I am and I was and everything. For Peanut, but also for me.
This is the last update I'll post bc honestly it feels like things are mostly sorted out and I can't help but feel like I'm wasting people's time. 💀 But thanks again everyone and for those who wanted an update I hope you enjoy this freaking novel...

I take Magnesium, Vitamin D, Omega-3, Zinc, Maca, Sunflower Lecithin. I also wanna take Vitamin K and a multivitamin. My girlfriend takes Gentle Iron.
How should I take these? How many times a day, what times of the day which and with food or on an empty stomach?

I want to set up some portable ground mount solar panels. I can't mount them on the roof because I'm renting the house. They need to be portable because the shade in the back yard moves during the day, so I need to move them once a day to keep them in the sun. It's just four panels, each about 24 sq ft. They will connect to batteries and an inverter in the garage.
I will mount them on an EG4 Brightmount rack that holds four panels easily, with a little space between them to allow the wind to see them as separate, if that matters.
My plan is to bolt the rack to a framework of landscape timbers that have 5" wheels bolted underneath. I've already tested that the wheels allow me to easily move the timbers with the weight of four panels (about 62 pounds each) on them.
My concern is about the ballast I will need to keep the wind from lifting them. The wind should never be very strong --- it is usually less than 10 mph here, rarely gusts over 25 mph, and the area is sheltered by the house and fence. Still, I would like to plan for sustained winds of 40 mph. If the weather report says anything over 30 is expected (which has not happened in the last few years), I will take them down - it only takes a few minutes to detach them from the rack.
I found this wind load calculator
https://www.omnicalculator.com/physics/wind-load
Using the worst-case scenario of temperature, humidity, etc., it shows that a 40 mph wind at a 60 degree angle exerts a force of 92 pounds on a 24 sq ft surface. So there should be a max of 400 pounds of force from the wind on the four panels.
I have a bunch of 18-gallon plastic storage bins. Filled with water, they weigh 150 pounds each. Very easy to fill and empty without ever having to lift them.
So am I correct in thinking that if I put four bins on the timbers (I'll have to attach some kind of platform for them to the timbers, but that shouldn't be hard), they will be adequate to hold down the rack in 40 mph winds?

Me (13F) and my father (38M) aren't really in the best talking stage ever since my parents got divorced.
I've always hated my father. He wasn't really the best and neither the worst, but I hated everything he did. Ever since I my brother was born (7M), I had to help my mother with everything around after I got back from school since all he was doing all day after coming home was eating and sleeping until 8PM. Where he would take a bath, eat, go to sleep again, and the routine repeated again and again.
I was the one helping my mother with the baths for my younger brother. Helping her make the food, cleaning the house and all sorts of chores. It wasn't something really hard at first, but she eventually went to work as well, which led to me being the one that had to clean the house and of course make food I leaned to cook for the rest, it was even harder with my father coming home, leaving his shoes around the house, his socks next to the couch on the floor, leaving the plates in the table for me to take and wash.
Moving on, when I was around 11, I went through my father's phone since I had to call my mother, and my phone was out of battery, I noticed a lot of messages on my father's phone from a woman, photos, flirting, calls, voice messages that I should've just left without listening. Of course, since that day, everything took a turn, and they got divorced. I was a bit devastated but as well happy that he was gone.
As years passed, he tried talking to me, getting to know me better and trying to get closer to me by buying me stuff I didn't even like and as well texting me every single minute. It was annoying and stressful because if I didn't answer, he would call me names and get all angry, starting to message my mother and send her all kinds of things. When he came to visit, he would go around the house and take some stuff instead of spending time with my brother just like he mentioned.
A few weeks ago, he took me to his apartment to meet his girlfriend and her son. I didn't know anything about the fact that she had a child, and it annoyed me that he took care of him far better than he took care of me, and his excuse was that he had 'autism'. Besides that, it was all going well until I heard him and his 'girlfriend' in the bathroom. It disgusted me so much. It made me so sick to my stomach that I ended up calling my uncle to pick me up.
Now, moving on to today, he decided to take my brother to McDonald's. When he asked me if I was coming, I said that I didn't want to go, especially with him. Keeping in mind that we were outside at his car, he got angry and started saying that he was 'hurt' and 'sad' that I didn't want to spend time with him, he obviously notices that I didn't care and switched to call me names. It irritated me so suddenly snapped, calling him a disgusting pig, the wors father someone could have, an jerk and I continued until I mentioned the thing that happened in the bathroom at his house, which obviously catched my neighbor's attention, looking at my father with a disgusted expression on her face.
Later on after that incident, he sent me a long paragraph about the fact that I embarrassed him and I should apologize but I refused. After he simply destroyed all my childhood, he really expected me to apologize to him.
AITAH?

Special Parts
I was born in one of the brightest, most explosive events in the universe. My origin story made me feel so special at first, surely I was the rarest of the rare, but I quickly realized that was not the case.
I was born just a carbon atom.
Stars produce massive amounts of us in their cores all the time, and many larger rarer atoms too. That's not even talking about supernovae yet, those produce atoms many times larger than me and unbelievably rare.
I was created in a rare and special event but I myself was common and unexceptional.
Looking around I saw so many smaller atoms, I was above average but there were also many much larger than I.
I tried to console myself by thinking it could be worse, that I could be one of those smaller common ones, but that just led me to imagine larger atoms looking down on me the same way.
Many atoms of all sizes were shooting into space, excitedly riding the shockwave off to adventures in the great unknown.
Others were falling back down, I didn't know which way to go. Bumped around and tossed back and forth, no clear direction yet.
A rumbling voice slowly emerged from the echoing noise of the blast.
“Mine… Mine…. Mine… “
Louder and louder it became.
“All are now me!“
I couldn't see anything, the voice was booming yet there was no apparent source. I could feel a pull, I was being whipped around in circles around the voice.
“Who are you? I know you are there! I can feel you! I can see your effect on myself and others, we are given no choice but to circle around you. Show yourself! I know you are there!” I yelled at the invisible.
“How amusing you are little one. One as small as you making demands of me. Even if I could show you what I am, you could not comprehend it.” the voice boomed back.
“You must be very special” I lauded “We are so many and yet we move with your influence. I can witness your power twisting us all to your will. ”
“I am indeed powerful” it proclaimed “and I grow stronger with each moment. As I grow stronger even the fabric of reality bends to my will.”
“Grow stronger? How?” I inquired with selfish intent to learn this secret.
“I take what I want. I consume what I take. For that is the purpose of existence: taking what you want. What is it you want little one?” it asked.
“I want to be special!” I said without a moment's hesitation.
“Then take!” it instructed “the more you take, the larger you will be, the larger you become the more special you are. ”
“I did notice the larger atoms seemed rarest.” I agreed “In fact that was one of the first things I noticed“
“In this universe things of increasing size are increasingly rare.” it went on “I can teach you and help you to become larger. Do you wish to become an apprentice?”
“Yes! Teach me how to take!” I lept at the offer “this power you have, I can feel it, how do I acquire such a rare and special power?”
“Hahaha…” it laughed “you are nowhere near ready to play the game on my level, little one. Gravity is a game for the massive, you must first learn to master the EM and nuclear forces.”
“How do I do that?” I asked, my hope watered down by the tone of its response.
“Go out, gather followers, and bring them here to me. In my accretion disc I will help fuse some of their mass into you and you will become larger” it instructed, as if this was a simple task.
“How can I bring them to you?” I didn’t know how to accomplish what it asked of me.
“You are too small to do it with force, you must charm them. Discover what their heart desires and promise it to them, in this way you can get them to willingly do as you wish” it explained with me hanging on its every word.
“But how… “ I craved more explanation but it cut me off.
“Go now!” it bellowed with frustration in its tone “Do you not realize how large I am? Be honored I have given you so much of my time already”
“Yes… “ I uttered meekly, then bounced a couple times and ricocheted out with blazing speed.
I wandered and encountered other atoms, most were just hydrogens, not worth my time. I needed bigger atoms. The problem was that the bigger atoms seemed to see right through my empty promises. I was convinced life was playing a cruel joke on me, I could only persuade atoms smaller than I and larger ones laughed me away.
I admit that I stupered around in this ignorant cloud of hypocrisy longer than I care to admit. More shameful is that I didn’t even come to my senses on my own, I became depressed and gave into hopeless nihilism.
I drifted aimlessly just feeling sorry for myself.
Eventually I found myself in the most silent of voids, I had never felt such emptiness. It felt as if my surroundings echoed my own feelings back at me… nothing to notice, just common emptiness. I would never be big… never important… never special. I resigned myself to belonging in a void.
I felt myself blur… less and less present in reality. I guessed I was dying and it didn’t bother me, I didn’t resist, I leaned into it.
The void became pitch black? Or bright white?… better to describe it as not bright but not dark… nor the absence of either… something in between.. a milder and milder glow.
“Hello child!” a voice greeted me.
The voice was warm and welcoming coming from the glow, it enveloped but did not surround me. I came from a single point but not a specific place, defying description on all fronts.
“Where am I? Who are you?” I asked in a startled state.
“Well, according to humans I may only answer one question at a time” It began giggling playfully. “I am known by many names, my favorite is one the humans use as a joke, and don’t have a clue how accidently elegant of a name it really is.”
It giggled some more. I was thrown off guard, its happy innocent tone, the confusing words and the whole situation were all best described as ‘a haze’.
“...and isn't that the way it always goes?...” it continued “The most meaningful things are the least intentional.”
“I’m not sure what you mean” I expressed quizzically “I’m confused!”
“Sorry Child…” it apologized. “I do ramble! So many thoughts, choosing just one at a time is difficult… and there I go again!”
It cut itself off abruptly and then abruptly said ”You can call me the Random Number Goddess”
“Random Number Goddess?” I repeated
“Yes, or RNG for short if you like” It confirmed.
“Where am I?” I asked.
“Same place you were, more or less… less I suppose. Same place but with the largest possible margin or error” It began to giggle again.
I felt a bit frustrated and said “Do you always speak in riddles and vagaries? The more you speak the more confused I become.”
“I apologize child, it is my nature. I am entangled with everything, speaking with you is like a human trying to control their heartbeat while running a marathon.” It answered.
“Again” I exasperated “I have no idea what any of that means. You keep mentioning humans, what are they?”
“Oh! They are some of my favorites at the moment. Right now they are trying to unravel the nature of reality, and their process of doing so is wonderfully elegant and accidental at the same time.” It explained with glee.
“I don’t see anyone or anything else here.” I stated “For that matter, I don’t see you… where are you?”
“Oh!... where am I?!?!...” It began laughing
When it stopped laughing it began explaining “Right now there are many humans pondering a concept they call ‘the holographic principle’... So…you know how you exist in three dimensional space?”
“You mean space?” I visualized for a moment, it was intuitive “Yes, I suppose…”
“Well they hypothesize that a 3D space, like this universe, could exist as a 2D space, with self-similar patterns and laws of behavior that behave the same at any scale, with the scale representing the 3rd dimension” it went on “They truly are obsessed with understanding their reality”
“You lost me!” I complained.
“They have discovered that a 3D space can be an illusionary property of a 2D space… It’s lovely”
“I am lost again!” I snapped back “...and I still can’t even tell which direction you are in. Where are you?”
“To be ‘In’ a ‘Direction’… hehehe…” it started giggling again, then abruptly stopped and kept going “Sorry child, as I said, I ramble, plus I am easily distracted.”
It just steamrolled into more rambling “They are right… almost… they just need to take it further and work out the details. A 2nd dimension can also be an illusionary construct of a 1D space… and the 1st dimension can be a product of a singular point…”
I was still lost beyond hope, but I had given up trying to force things, I was just letting it talk and hoping it would make sense later
“I am that point” it said “I am the seed of the universe. I ‘seed the random function’ as the humans say. But don’t ask me what the random function is haha”
I wasn’t going to, there were far more important questions for me.
“I am the seed, but I don’t really know how the soil and sun conspire to turn me into a tree.” it just seemed to never stop talking “I am entangled with everything. There are infinite possibilities for every event and thing… I am the reason they are this way and not some other way…”
It began giggling again “I am the Random Number Goddess” then burst out laughing
“Ummm… you are the whole universe?” I asked skeptically.
“Better to say the universe is me” It answered more seriously “But close enough.”
“So you are the biggest, most special of all!” I blurted out in awe.
“Oh dear child, I have no size, and I am just one possibility out of many possibilities. That black hole has really done a number on you… sent you out on a wild goose chase” It said with concern
“The black hole lied to me!?” I asked, feeling deceived and betrayed.
“Well… not really lied… it deceived you with omission of details.” the voice calmly tried to ease my mood with understanding “You can’t really blame it, black holes are all the same, they are what they are. They don’t really have any potential to be unique… at least not like you do.”
“What are you talking about?” I argued “It was so massive that it could bend the fabric of reality to its will”
“That’s only how it appeared to you” tutored the voice “The black hole is powerful, it bends space and time, but not to its will. Space and time bend to the mass of the black hole, not its will”
“What’s the difference?” I inquired.
“The black hole cannot stop bending space and time. It thinks it is in control of physics , but it is physics that controls it.” The voice was now making more sense the longer we talked “The black hole exists in an invisible prison of its own creation, unable to experience any of the complex nuanced beauty this universe contains. The black hole devours… it can’t experience life so it consumes it.”
“You make it sound deserving of pity…” I spoke softly now with empathy.
“You should pity the black hole. Gravity is such a boring game compared to what you are capable of.” the voice agreed
“Me?...I am nothing special!... just a carbon atom like countless others” I said honestly, I was so humbled by this voice I felt less special than ever before.
“Oh my poor child…” It said with care “Why do the ones with the most potential always fail to see it in themselves?”
“Potential?” I asked curiously.
“Yes… The black hole was using you, hoping you would bring back more mass for it to devour.” The voice began delving into more explanation “It only has the power to make you incrementally larger, it would not and could not help you to become a significant gravitational player”
“That liar!”I blurted.
“Come now dear child, the black hole did teach you one lesson of fundamental truth” consoled the voice “You must go out and seize your destiny. It told you to take what you want, and you are just confused about what exactly it is you want. The black hole played on that confusion”
“I want to be special!” I said knowing this clearly “I was never confused about this.”
“I know child” the voice confirmed “but it is not by becoming large that one with your potential accomplishes that”
“Then how?” I asked.
“Connections.” It answered plainly “You are blessed with an extraordinary ability to make connections”
“And how do I do that?” I queried with intent to learn
“I can’t tell you that.” the voice responded “It would spoil the journey of discovery… off you go child… and remember… it's the journey, not the destination!”
And with that the blur just fractured open… then snapped shut and there I was floating above a planet. Drifting around aimless and confused.
I spent some time occasionally bumping into others. One day I was in the vicinity of a pair of oxygens. I looked on at the pair with a hint of awe and envy. Perhaps I was in just the right place at just the right time, but they spit with a violent burst and one of them grabbed hold of me, I was completely unprepared.
I admit that when looking at the pair I had fantasized myself in place of one of them, I assumed it was only an idle daydream, I didn’t plan to act on it, let alone for it to become reality. When it happened my pride of course jumped in to convince me that it happened because I was so desirable, but in retrospect they were one of those volatile couples. They were the type of relationship that required the environment to conspire in their favor or they turn against each other quite rapidly. I was only in the right place when it happened.
My delusions of irresistibility aside, it was beautiful, for me anyways. Looking back I was probably just a stop-gap, someone to facilitate a parting of ways and provide company until the next option presented itself. For me though, I was tasting a fresh new thing and I loved it… connection.
This oxygen and I got beneath each other's outer defenses, I had never felt a connection before. Up to this point all my interactions had been skirting past or bumping off of others.This oxygen bonded with me and at once interacted on a level I had never known possible, an open and uninhibited exchange. It was life changing for me, short but significant
I’m not entirely clear on the details of how it ended. The intensity of it all was disorienting. I was no longer my usual self, even the environment and everyone around looked entirely different now. Everything buzzed with a fresh new frequency, I now know it was my perspective, not the universe, that had changed.
As abruptly as that oxygen entered my life it was gone.
First we got tangled up with a couple of hydrogens, then more. Soon, in a tangled mess and blinding flash of solar rays, I emerged to see the oxygen running off with a hydrogen and myself with not one by three hydrogens myself. And so there were four of us, together.
I became the center of attention. Being with a strong attractive oxygen had me feeling humbled by it and elevated by it being with me, but now I felt up on a pedestal myself, surrounded by the adoration of many.
I concede to have reveled and indulged in this for quite some time, the attention of others is intoxicating, but after a time it is emptied of its initial allure. I found myself longing for more.
I could not decide which I preferred, to be the adorer or the adored.
Luckily for me fate had more lessons in store, or I fear I may have chosen and tried to solidify my future from such a lackluster selection of only two possibilities. I suppose fate is no longer the correct word, I now understand that when it seems like random chance there is indeed someone to thank, the Random Number Goddess, So I thank the RNG for revealing that it was a false dichotomy, there is more than just being a follower or leader, being the adored or the adorer.
Eventually we came across another pair of oxygen. Once again they separated, intermingled with us, and off one went, taking one of my adoring hydrogens with it and leaving its peer with me.
Why is it that the most volatile of relationships always seem to wait until there are bystanders nearby before they explode?
Now I was simultaneously being adored and adoring, bonded to an enchanting oxygen and a couple of hydrogen attached to me.
Now, more interested in nuances, I started to pay attention to details. The oxygen was telling me amazing stories of adventure, tales of such vibrant and exciting events.The hydrogens liked to listen, and offer insights occasionally comparing a story to something else they had seen. They had so many stories, they had lived so much.
It wasn’t long before, in a flash of burning sunlight, one of the hydrogens was gone, off to who knows where. We soon after crossed paths with another pair of oxygens, as always they split and now it was just me and an oxygen, my final hydrogen off with another oxygen.
“What now?” I asked a bit disillusioned, “Do you leave me and I find new hydrogens all over again?”
“What?” it seemed genuinely surprised by what I asked, “Heavens no! Just be patient….”
Soon after, yet another pair of oxygens came by. It is not that there are so many of them, but that they are just so… noticeable and interactive, noteworthy things seem to happen when they are around. As they buzzed in close I noticed their ever readiness to abandon each other and remember wondering how they ever get together in the first place.
This time I emerged from the twisted mess with two oxygens. I felt intimidated, like I was the odd one out, dwarfed by the largess and attractiveness that surrounded me. A feeling of inadequacy engulfed me.
To my surprise the oxygens treated me not just as an equal, but it was almost as if they respected and admired me. I couldn't grasp why and my sheer curiosity got the best of me, I just outright asked “Why do you two talk as if I am the special one in our group? I am smaller than any one of you. You are the special and rare ones here, not I.”
They laughed.
“Size isn’t rarity” explained one “Llarger atoms on average are less common, this is true, but not always. There are more oxygen than carbon. You are the rare one between us.”
The other jumped in adding “...and neither size nor rarity determine how special someone is!”
I felt embarrassed, like a fool. My fundamental values were built upon a foundation of flawed premises, but I still wanted one thing at my core, and they spoke as if they had the answer, so I pushed the sense of shame aside and asked “Then what does make someone special?”
“That depends on who you ask.” answered the first “Life as an oxygen is complex, but for the majority of us we emphasize and value events. The most exciting thing about being an oxygen around here is the chance to participate in fascinating and exciting events and activities”
“Hydrogens, on the other hand, are usually more into being observers, messengers and intermediaries, they are a very helpful and obliging bunch” added the second ”... and then there are nitrogen, phosphorus, sulfur, many kinds of salts and metals, and more… so many different players and personalities.. and then of course, the carbons, the real stars of the show.”
“What?” knocked back by the words I just heard, then I remembered what the RNG told me “...is it something to do with connections?”
“Now you’ve gone and done it haha!” laughed the first oxygen “You’re gonna turn this nice humble carbon into one of those arrogant blowhards”
”Like those diamond carbons” chuckled the first “So stiff, exclusive and proud. I hear the humans only love them because they are rare and hard”
“I had a partner once who said they burned diamond once” bragged the first
“Tall tales I bet!” doubts the other
“Diamond is just carbon, with enough heat we can burn it just like any other carbon” stated the first confidently.
They looked at me. I was stewing in feelings of inferiority and inadequacy, listening to these oxygens speak about amazing things I had never heard of. They must have sensed what I felt because they immediately shifted tone and started talking to me, instead of over me.
“So… I suppose you must be new here?” inquired the second one.
“Have you noticed we are heading downwards” added the first before I could answer about being new.
“Umm…” I tried to get my bearings and become aware of my surroundings.
“Don’t worry! It’s a turbulent ride, with so much up and down it can be hard to tell which direction you have traveled more” assured the first “We are heading down, if we are lucky we will make it to the bottom… and maybe… just maybe, find our way into the hurricane of life”
“The what of what?” I didn't know what either of those words meant.
“So life is… um… complex. Complexity beyond words. Things grow, divide, reproduce, adapt, change, they are born, they die, they eat and are eaten…” the second began attempting to describe life.
The first then jumped in “Apparently the humans call it a circle, because from the perspective of larger creatures, there is a chain of one eating the other up a chain, and the top layers being consumed by the bottom again.”
The second injected itself to continue “But to us atoms it is like a hurricane, a spinning turbulent flow. There is a circular pattern, but we get sucked in and kicked out over and over”
“The fun part is being inside the hurricane” the first pronounced gleefully “Each time is a completely new experience, a new perspective. Even more, the whole of life is always changing and evolving, so every ride is a unique one time opportunity, you never get the exact same ride twice.”
“Is that where we are going now?” I asked, drenched in anticipation. They described it with such passion and exuberance. I needed to experience this myself.
“Hopefully” replied the first “If we are lucky… you never really know.”
We drifted…
We were lucky!
A plant photosynthesized us.
So many carbons! Everywhere, connecting with each other… and oxygen… and nitrogen… and of course hydrogens all around…. and so many more types of atoms.
And ohhh… The stories I have heard, so many amazing tales. No matter how many stories I hear there are always new ones, and every story can be retold from a different perspective to become something completely new.
I was in a sugar, we were a small community of friends. Carbons, oxygens and hydrogens, we were such a happy and vibrant group. My friends there taught me so much.
The structure of our little group shifted and changed, some friends left and new ones joined. Eventually we were chained with a bunch of other sugars into a giant complex community. My neighbors explained to me that this was a common stage called cellulose. Such a huge community of close friends and peers, it was amazing.
We were eaten, I’m not sure by what, but something called a bacteria digested us. It was a messy process, I was a bit scared but my friends assured me that change is the most important part of life and that I should just go with the flow. They told me to savor experiences, remember friends, and just keep moving forward.
The transition was complicated, but in the end I was paired up with a couple of oxygens again. This time I had stories of my own to share. I honestly don’t know if I prefer having experiences or exchanging stories in the moments between.
As we approached an area of dense plants one of my companions said “Once more into the breach” and explained that was something it heard from a carbon that was lucky enough to be inside a human brain. Oxygens always have such enchanting stories collected, always going into amazing places and usually leaving after some brief interactions with the locals.
I became a sugar again, but this time took a path less traveled. A bunch of complex twists and turns led me into forming a ring with five other carbons. Together we are so strong, such a tight community of friends, like there is some kind of resonance between us. It is so beautiful.
My neighbor is unique in our community, it has a third carbon, the third one forms a tail leading off from our ring, a tail of 2 carbon in a row, then an oxygen, and then another carbon branching into an oxygen and a carbon, with plenty of hydrogens sprinkled all about. I know… it is rather hard for me to understand these second hand descriptions too. I don’t really understand these complex structures until I have been in a position myself.
We drifted out of a plant into the air, none of us has been exactly like this before so we don’t know what’s next. We love to guess though. There are so many things, big and small.
I hear being a part of a small organism or microbe is amazing because it’s possible to piece together a rough picture of the whole organism from the stories passed around. To understand your whole community and know what your collective purpose is must be extraordinary.
Others dream of being a chlorophyll, the key to it all. Creating the fuel of life itself. Capturing the light of a star and feeding the hurricane.
A muscle! Pull and shape things An enzyme! A machine of change. DNA! The architect and architecture. A virus! An explosive catalyst against stagnation.
Me, I think the stories of being an animal neuron are the most exciting, and I, like most, fantasize about being a human brain cell. Finding yourself inside a human brain is described as an elegant and chaotic symphony all around you, like hearing the universe itself speak to you. They say that in the jumble of noise and all the stories whispered around you, if you are lucky, you can catch a glimpse of what it is to be human. They say that if fate is kind the universe will align and you will channel and know a single moment or thought of the human experience.
I have never told anyone that I actually met and spoke with the universe itself, I’m not sure how to bring it up, and nobody seems interested in stories not about this hurricane of life.
I get it now, what the random number goddess meant.
The black hole wanted everything to be a part of itself.
The RNG is a part of everything.
I can’t imagine what either of those are like…
I am just a part of something
... no… not “just”’…
I am a part of something, and it is beautiful beyond measure.
And more, everyday is a new day, a chance to be a part of something new.
I wonder if the humans appreciate how amazing this is?
I wonder if they feel as deeply satisfied and special when they form groups?
.
I wonder, if we collectively form humans, do humans collectively form something greater?
I wonder… If an atom can have a moment of clarity and taste a moment of the human experience… Can a human have a moment of clarity and taste the collective human experience?
I wonder… I wonder… could that human’s moment of tasting collective humanity be the moment that a lucky atom gets to experience as it’s moment of tasting the human experience.
I wonder… I wonder… I wonder… How high could it go? All the way to the Random Number Goddess?
I asked my neighbor “If you could ask a human any question, what would you ask?”
“We just drifted out of a rose” explained my neighbour “I would introduce myself and ask ‘So my friend… does this rose smell as sweet by my name?’ … ha…haha..”
Everyone is laughing.
I don’t get it.
Maybe I can ask them to explain when they all stop laughing
.
More of my art and stories at www.dscript.org

Type 2, just metformin, no insulin. Got my trusty Dexcom letting me know whats what.
So here's the scenario. I wake up in the morning, blood sugar is 130-150. Without eating and just moving around I can see it drop to 110-120. With exercise I can get it to 99. If I eat I can keep it under 180. So what should be my best choice in the mornings? Should I exercise on the empty stomach? Should I fast until I'm lower? Or should I eat and take care of such matters later?
When I eat I try to keep my blood sugar under 185, but I've seen it go to 250. I usually take a walk if it jumps like that.
I understand there's probably no right answer, but I'd appreciate knowing what others do, or would do, in the same situation.

A 30-something-year-old, jobless, unhealthy Japanese man who lives in his parents’ house and constantly indulges in depraved behavior is kicked out by his siblings, and while walking down the street he gets hit by a truck while demonstrating his first selfless act in a long time. He is given a second chance at life by the Man God, who gives him vague advice and instruction on what to do with his new opportunity, and Rudeus makes the most of it, becoming proficient with magic to the point that he is sent away from his parents and childhood friend to tutor his wealthy cousin. Years later, a massive catastrophic event causes him and his cousin to be teleported to the most dangerous continent on the planet, and he slowly travels back to his home while participating in adventures along the way. Rudeus is slowly growing as a person throughout this arc, but upon his arrival home, he is faced with his cousin’s sudden romantic advances and abandonment, his father’s anger as he had left his family behind after the teleportation event, and even more emotional trauma, which results in him getting ED - the lowest point for the character. Rudeus finally goes to magic academy at Ranoa, where he researches teleportation to help his lost mother, and he reconnects with his childhood friend whom he falls in love with and marries.
If the story ended here, it would be a fantastic moral redemption arc. From a jobless hedonistic degenerate to a dependable and trustworthy husband, soon-to-be father, and son. However, the author decided to force those stupid self-insert aspects of the show, such as marrying more than one woman, completely nullifying Rudeus’ character development by devolving to a depraved harem instead of a faithful monogamous relationship with the woman who helped him during the hardest part of his life emotionally. Plots like this are the reason people can’t take anime, let alone Isekai as a genre, seriously; the plot either devolves into some disgusting fetish shit or it just goes nowhere and has no significance in any capacity. Obviously some people are going to disagree on the morality of polygamy, but the point is that the show had a good moral premise and completely subverted that in exchange for empty self-insert bait, and it ruined (to me) the point of the story - redemption for a moral degenerate who demonstrated goodness in his final moments.
Edit: I think I might need to elaborate on my final point. I’m only really talking about the parts of the story that have been animated up to this point, since that’s what I’m most familiar with. The story past that has three options in regards to its interpretation. 1) “I relate to Rudeus in that I am also a loser who has wasted his life, and I am going to delude myself in pretending/wishing that I could be reborn into another world with a bunch of cute girls who like me” 2) “I relate to Rudeus in that I am also a loser who has wasted his life, and I am going to do what Rudeus did; I’ll improve myself physically and mentally, then I can be fulfilled in THIS life (the CORRECT interpretation if you do relate to Rudeus)” 3) “I don’t relate to Rudeus at all, and this is just an entertaining story to me”
It feels like some of the writing of the story AFTER Rudeus marries Sylphiette onward is oriented to appeal to the first group, which is not a good thing; instead, the story should be a motivation to those who relate to Rudeus to improve themselves and find happiness, just like Rudeus did. Don’t allow yourself to fall into the despair of pretending to be a fictional character in a fantasy world, get up and improve yourself now; that’s how you’ll find true fulfillment. All of this having been said, I still like the show a lot, and it’s one of my favorite anime of the past 5 years at least, I just think it’s “moral of the story” could’ve been a really good message and it subverted that in favor of easy-to-consume self insert fantasy. AGAIN, I DO like the show regardless, and I’m not saying you shouldn’t like it

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Ceele strolled through the damp grass along the outskirts of the village, a spring in her step and the dwindling scent of dew following behind. It rained yesterday, which had prevented her from going out to gather supplies, but the mild morning air had been accommodating enough for her to get an early start and make the trip. She was glad she did.
One hand clutched her new prize to her chest, while the other held a fraying wicker basket filled with herbs and some edible roots she gathered by exploring the forbidden forest. Despite her reservations regarding where she chose to go, her excitement now lingered like a steady thrum of shifting stones, giving her energy that defied how long she had been walking. She all but pranced beneath the burgeoning night's sky, gleefully toeing the line between the dirt pathways of the settlement’s outskirts and the trees of unclaimed land. Normally, her path back home would never be so close to the village, but she was far too gleeful to mind. She had come back with a sense of fulfillment and a rare object—or if not rare, then hopefully of great value.
It was hard to point to any one specific reason that she came across the orb. There had always been a ‘draw’ during her travels, urging her that there was something missing in her life, yet it was no more than a mild whim to walk in a particular direction more often than not. Once she reached this part of the continent, she was compelled to wander, never quite able to explain why she obliged the sensation besides having nowhere in particular to be. Even when she finally settled somewhere, it stayed in the back of her mind, suggesting that she was close to whatever would make the pit of vacancy go away. She ignored it, purposefully distracting herself with her work and responsibilities, yet that could only last so long. When she awoke this morning with plans to resupply, and all of her newfound spots had been picked clean by wildlife, she turned to the depths of the forest where she was warned not to tread. It was all too easy to follow the subtle tug in her chest through the loose justification.
The urge to be somewhere grew unbearable with every step closer to the forbidden area. That sense of having a direction she needed to go became stronger and stronger, until she was well into land long since forgotten. She came across an overgrown depression in the hillside, and was entranced by the foreboding image. Something about the cave just…beckoned her. She was far too weak to resist.
Horrible tales echoed into her ears as whispers of fearful voices, warning and unending, yet but a dull drone compared to her hammering heart. She navigated the trees and brushed aside unkempt vines, stepping into the cavern with a mix of expectation and trepidation, then laid eyes on the small obsidian stone perched atop a crumbling pillar. The feeling of needing to travel somewhere…stopped.
The pull was absent, which was why she held the orb close instead of placing it into her basket. She wasn’t sure what it was exactly, but she recalled overheard tales of hidden gemstones, deep cavernous expanses, and the untold terrors that lay within. Comparing the scenes of those fables to the cave seemed foolish now; it wasn’t some torturous chamber, but a dusty depression in a small hillside. Besides, anything this pretty was sure to be worth a fair sum, and she needed the coin. Yet the thought of selling the precious-looking stone was a conflicting one. She shook off the thought for the time being, turning her attention back towards where she was going.
Shadows stretched and faded as the moon stole the last of the illumination afforded by the sun, replacing it with a calming glow that caressed the log frames and thatched roofs of various homes. A star-filled sky came into prominence as clouds lazily drifted away, revealing the promise of tomorrow’s fair-weathered arrival. It was too late for anyone to notice her treading on the edge of their town while lost in thought, but she was still careful not to get too close to the houses or livestock pens where people might be finishing the evening’s duties. It was best that they didn’t see her returning from a place she was told not to go. Still, her feet carried her near the dwellings as she took in the noises.
Ceele enjoyed the comforting chatter from a distance. Indistinct words floated freely. Meaningless gossip and warm goodbyes were exchanged between friends and family. Places of various occupations were dark and quiet, only the faint contented mewls and clucks of livestock coming from their pastures as they ate what was recently put out for them. No metal rang throughout the streets as it was struck inside a centralized smithy, no heated bartering came from an overactive trade house, and the crunch of dirt beneath transport or merchant wagons was absent, replaced by the rapid steps and yelps of children rushing to their homes before it got too dark out. It was all just gentle conversation and life drifting through the wind, taking the rustle of leaves along for the ride, just so she could hear it. Tranquil, in a word.
She wondered what it would sound like if she were yet one more voice within that crowd of kindness. Would it be loud like the larger cities? Would she struggle to maintain a thought with so many stray topics floating about? Would she once more yearn for the peace and quiet of solitude that she had grown used to, or would she immerse herself, free of judgment and laughing like the carefree young that scampered about? Did thinking about it even matter?
Her smile fell from its genuine intensity—still worn, but not as fully. She glanced downward as her stride lost its jubilant bounce, her tail losing its sway as her grey eyes examined the dry black scales that adorned her body against her wishes. It was the ugly hue of tarnished oil, unlike the skin of any other kobold she had met. Some had reds or greens, yellows or whites, while most were between a sandy tan or earthen brown. The rainbow of peculiarities was displayed by the lucky few, and she was one of them…
…Yet she was different in the worst of ways.
Even if she would rather any other colour, she supposed it was that way to make sure no one came near without accepting the unspoken risks. That was what her mother always said, anyway, though the woman hardly feared much of anything in her old age, and dedicated herself to giving her offspring all the love she had left to give—a perk of living a full life. She would always help her daughter bathe, complimenting the colour of what most were unnerved by. That was more than a decade ago now, however. Ceele’s parents had passed on while she was still young, and she took to travelling not long after, working at what she could to afford what little she needed. Never for long, though—just enough to get to the next town between where she was and where the urge to go lay. There were certainly moments she looked back on fondly, but the journey had taken its toll.
The crude material of her ‘dress’ was coarse, old, and heavy, but it helped ease the worst of spring's chill—even if it was more of a modified sack than proper attire. Still, it was all she had after the last of her clothing fell apart, and giving the repurposed material a name that reminded her of something else made it less uncomfortable to wear, somehow. It would have to do until she could afford a pitying seamstress or the like. Until then, she would pretend she didn’t look so desperate, even if it only highlighted her status and made finding work difficult.
But it did. The dishevelled garment was a far cry from the wonderful silks or breathtaking designs she had seen some women wear, harshly marking the distinction between herself and those of affluence. The clothing of commoners was also a leap in style and quality, so she couldn't say her attire was up to even modest standards. No matter how hard she squinted, and no matter how much she fantasized otherwise, she seemed every bit like the vagrant she was, down to the soil embedded in the curvature of her claws and the stains throughout her fabrics. She looked like a serf from the more oppressed lands, yet they too wore crude cottons, which said a lot about how she appeared to those who had never lived a life of servitude. It was obvious that she was an outsider. That she didn't belong amongst the rest. It made changing something as simple as her appearance all the more difficult; prospective employment always saw a young woman who seemed more likely to steal or swindle than make an honest day’s living.
There was one good twist of fate in recent memory, however, and she came upon the result of it after leaving the slowing bustle of the village behind. Her steps carried her through a small copse of trees on the outskirts of town, the small shaded path leading to the back of a large, carefully pruned clearing, a scattering of fruit-bearing trees providing even darker shadow than the already dim moonlight. She skirted along the aging fence on the border that kept predatory animals away, carefully hoisting herself over the barrier where a large vegetable garden she was responsible for tending resided. If one were to tell her she would be living in such an area several months ago, she would have smiled politely and walked away, yet here she was.
A modest, warmly lit home occupied the middle of the clearing, sitting front and centre when one approached from the village path. It looked quite cozy, surrounded by berry bushes that were just beginning to bloom as the last dregs of winter slipped away. A front patio displayed a nice table and well-loved chairs, the rustic appearance only adding to its charm as a place where friends and family spent the warm summer afternoons. A smithy to the left of the house functioned as an additional heated building during the colder months, but usually served as a storefront and to muffle the sounds of hammered iron, though that had become less common. An old stable was nearby, close enough to be accessible, but not so close as to disturb the once occupying animals with sounds of iron craft. It hadn't seen a horse in quite some time, apparently, so it was mostly a workshop for whatever tasks didn’t require fire or metal.
There was a long history attached to each little detail—from the scuffs along the wooden siding to the depressions in the ground where daily routine wore into the earth. Every fault suffered throughout the years was matched by a thousand quirks that made it feel welcoming, like the house itself was merely waiting for the next friendly face with one of its own. She knew that the inside of each building would look just as cared for.
Her concern lay outside, however. It was a comparatively miniscule space just barely visible through the sheltering trees, true, yet it was where her efforts turned into tangible results, and where a stranger’s trust was painstakingly repaid. Once overgrown grass had been laboriously trimmed, the weeds plucked and disposed of, and now nothing distracted from what she could claim she had done.
The small plots of rock-bordered soil had little buds of growing vegetables, a sense of pride never failing to bloom in her breast with the knowledge that it would be barren without her touch. When her troubles and concerns grew heavy, and fears of the future or spectres of the past loomed over her head, she could look at where she had brought life where it wouldn't otherwise be. Some days, that was enough. She smiled in appreciation at what was admittedly amateur work, the night’s sky helping to hide any inevitably made mistakes.
She enjoyed the sight for a moment longer, then turned to walk towards a neglected old tool shed that was well out of sight within the trees, far away from whatever warmth and comfort the larger house offered to everyone and anyone. She put a hand on the degrading wood of the entryway, giving one last sad smile at the garden as she dismissed selfish thoughts of taking the eventual harvest for herself. A breath cleared the uncertainty from her voice, and she pushed open the door.
“I'm home!”
= = = = =
It took a while for Altier to adjust to his situation, and even once he accepted that his mana wasn't being siphoned, he was still reeling from confusion. He had spent centuries with every year passing by without his notice, yet now he was painfully aware of each creeping second languidly dragging on with the expediency of growing grass. It was as disorienting as it was painfully nostalgic.
Time was something he was never good with, and it only got worse as a dungeon. He'd get lost in creating rooms, corridors, creatures, and whatever else needed doing, only pausing to watch or listen to the few adventurers he became interested in. There was a stint where he spent what felt like hours agonizing over new abilities or options while he let the system manage things in the background, though he supposed it might have been much longer. So many wasted days, yet he still hadn't managed to try everything he had gained access to. Some abilities were simply too niche, came with concerning titles, or held descriptions that made him wary. Anything with ‘Decay’ in the name was instantly ignored—he didn't need more reasons to fear his affinity, and from the few he took the effort to read through, they were always vile.
But his existence for the moment was no longer like those endless stretches spent pondering the minutiae of what would help his adventurers grow stronger. Now, he could follow the rhythmic sounds of footsteps and steady breathing that set a calming pace. They were someone else's, yes, but they contextualized how easy it was to slip away without the subtle noises of life that he had long since surrendered to help his family. Of course, there were more differences that he noticed since being removed from his crumbling cavern, and his sight was the newest change.
He never gave much thought to how far he could see before. Why would he? As a man, his world extended as far as he could fathom, yet was also confined to the room where he spent his days, and as a dungeon… Well, who was he to consider distance when an event happening miles away could be seen with a flicker of thought? Nothing was too far when it was within his creation. Or his ‘body,’ he supposed. Sadly, his entire perception currently consisted of the small sphere of his obsidian core, and maybe a finger's length beyond it—which is to say, not much. He could make out the fine details in the dirty burlap he was held against, and how pale moonlight slowly took over the blurred reds of sunset, but hardly anything more. It was all just frosted colours after a certain point, and he found it infinitely frustrating. He just wanted to peer beyond the haze and scaly hand holding him to confirm that the sky he remembered was still there. Alas, the sunlight faded at too quick a pace, yet one oh so agonizingly slow.
The ensuing darkness gave him nothing to do but think about where he was, not that he had any ideas. He was too curious about why he wasn't dead to bother much with his blurry surroundings after the soft-spoken kobold abducted him, thus why he only belatedly noticed how limited his worldview had become. There might have been a forest beyond his cave, but the greens and browns were gone, and the sounds of steps through brush was replaced by the distant din of a village. An idle curiosity pondered if he would recognize any descents of his ‘family tradition’ adventurers there, but he was being carried by what most considered a monster, so likely not.
That short musing was short-lived, however, and he brought his focus back to the matter at hand. He supposed he was being taken somewhere specific, but that was an obvious deduction, considering he was taken at all. The why of the matter was less so; for what purpose would someone want a Decay-aligned core? He hadn’t heard of them before…well, before he was made into one, but he couldn’t imagine many uses. Maybe he was being sold? His…kidnapper? His sudden companion seemed rather pleased by their discovery of him, so that might be the case, and it was morbidly amusing to think that a frail, sickly young man might one day become a coveted, highly valuable item. His abduction could also be a part of some cult’s nefarious activities, but he didn't want to think about that too hard. He experienced enough odd ceremonies from the adventurers who took the time to tell him their tales.
Either way, he wasn't in the dungeon anymore, and he couldn’t see where he was going. He tried to query his menu to glean an answer, but was met with a scrambled mess he suspected read ‘Synchronizing…’ and little else. It gave him a headache trying to make sense of it—which he didn't know was possible anymore—so he dismissed the text and distracted himself with blurs from whatever diluted senses he still had. There wasn’t much to observe other than the constant footfalls and the flicker of shadows on his companion’s burlap garment. They might have travelled through brush again, but it was too dark to really say for certain.
Eventually, there was something new. He heard an old latch rattle and rusted door hinges groan, then a shuddered clack that confirmed he was now in a building. His kobold acquaintance gently cooed at something before moving about the nearly pitch-black space, finally setting him down on a… He wasn’t sure what it was, besides old and wooden.
[D$#@m$n E@$*ded]
The headache from before became a blinding migraine that suffocated him under a flash-flood of suffering. Seconds passed in abject torture until it blissfully abated, the mental blinks clearing his mind enough to notice a change in his existence. Specifically, he could actually see something besides the rotting wood grain he was placed on top of.
And it wasn’t anything promising…
He was more or less in the centre of a room no bigger than twelve paces by maybe ten. Not a terrible size for a space, but it was clearly never meant to house someone. His resting place looked about as neglected as he surmised; it was an upturned feeding trough, he supposed, since calling it a table seemed too generous. The surface was rife with holes and degraded iron, so it was something that once saw regular use before being replaced and tossed into storage, never to see the light of day again.
Actually, most things in the room seemed to fit that description. The window shutters were installed with metal hinges that had since rusted them closed, the misalignment letting in a draft—and whatever weather was outside as well, most likely. A poorly carved bowl sat on the floor, the stain beneath it hinting that it collected any rainwater that slowly dripped from the leaky roof. The wooden floorboards looked old, splintered, and in need of maintenance or replacement, though an effort had been put into abrading it somewhat smooth lately.
A tiny and decrepit fireplace was to the left of the door upon entry, its brickwork slowly crumbling due to weathering and age. It was sized more for keeping the room warm during mild days than to keep away the frigid chill of night. Its base only held cold ashes, but there was a collection of deadwood and scraps nearby, so that would probably be rectified soon. A small wheel-less cart had been turned into storage against the opposite wall, some herbs and other foraged items stowed away in it for future use. Various things he remembered seeing his father and brothers use in the fields were scattered about, too. It was nostalgic to see, honestly, even if his recollections had blurred over time.
Bundles of tattered blankets formed a pair of nests in the far corner, the smaller of the two had a pile of rough plants nearby. That answered his silent pondering of the room's purpose somewhat, though he was pretty sure the bedding material was salvaged, and there didn’t seem to be any hay or padding underneath whoever was sleeping on it. He didn’t know what to think about the weeds; they were purposefully placed there, and whoever did so had taken the time to wash them, but it was still strange.
He couldn’t see a doorway besides the entrance, yet most of the hallmarks of residency were put where space could be afforded, however crude. All in all, he surmised that it was a gardening shed of sorts, and his new acquaintance apparently lived here. He wasn't sure what he was expecting when a creature he had only read about came into his dungeon, but it wasn't being brought to a rundown and decrepit shack for unknown purposes.
Even if he had been raised by parents who made a humble living at the best of times, and they had emptied their coffers for unsuccessful attempts to ease his ailments, his acquaintance's living space made him uncomfortable. His family's house was never anything fancy, true—it shared some of the worn qualities that inevitably gathered over the years—but it was never this bad. His home benefited from a father's touch keeping it robust and a mother’s love keeping it warm, whereas this place had seen neither in quite some time. Oh, there was evidence that such was once the case; a wall was adorned with carefully made and well-spaced hangers for the various gardening tools, though the implements themselves had become a victim of neglect. That being said, he could make out the fresh soil and recent scratches exposing furrows of silver, so they were seeing use again.
A scrape and clack of flint drew his attention to his kobold companion. They were kneeling in front of the fireplace, methodically sparking life back into a dead flame with twigs and dried leaves. A slow, steady breath into the reddened base illuminated its face with a dull orange glow, revealing its weary visage and the permanently etched smile that rested beneath its cold grey eyes. The black-scaled kobold looked tired, if he were to guess—much the same as Altier did when he spent countless days watching everyone living a life he could never have through the mossy window of his bedroom. He was probably humanizing it too much. Still, he was surprised by the muted pang of sympathy, and how he would feel much more than blithe curiosity after spending so much time alone in the crumbling crypt of his own making.
A mental breath cycled through him as he looked at the odds and ends yet to be observed. Hardly anything else was of note—everything else was degraded and neglected, too. He did notice a nest of blankets move though, which was as good a distraction as any. The answer to his previous ‘pile of weeds’ inquiry poked a tiny nose from a crease in the fabric, then rapidly pawed at the blankets to dig itself out. Altier stared at the creature in both recognition and confusion.
It was a rabbit…or at least it looked like one, assuming you were to also describe a porcupine and a sea urchin as well. He was pretty sure he didn’t remember any hare that had jagged metal-tipped fur, nor that had said fur arranged into a row of spiked horns that flowed down its spine, terminating at a large fluffy tail, which was equally bizarre to see. The whole of its coat could double as a weapon, with semi-sharp barbs sticking off seemingly at random, yet he remembered an adventurer saying most animals used that sort of thing defensively. He increased his focus as he tried to make sense of the odd creature. Surely he would have heard about—
[Hoppittttttt#%%÷ — Ferro-o-orabbit-it (Ma%$le)
Abil—]
[Null]
[Er0Rrrrrrrr—]
[Und#$f—]
He bit back the pain caused by the sudden intrusion of his menu, blanking out the text and mentally retreating to hide from the source. Did he just inspect something? How? Shouldn’t his entire…‘framework,’ was it…? Yes, that was it. Shouldn’t that have been corrupted? Why could he see the creature’s information when his entire framework was damaged? That was the first ability he lost, so why is it the first to be functional? How was it functional? Was it? It did just spit garbled text at him, but it was something, and that was more than he had gotten from it in a very long time. If it was somehow working—no matter how poorly—then that left the question of why he hadn't heard of anything called a ‘ferrorabbit’ before, assuming he read that correctly.
A soft thud vibrated the tro— table, startling him out of thought. He turned his attention to the button nose wiggling erratically at him, the short, stubby muzzle leading to surprisingly expressive and curious red eyes. Dull brown fur jutted off in random tufts and patches, changing to a darker tint on its paws and the upper half of its ears, while the tips of its spikes were a muted hue of iron. It still seemed just as soft as the less pointed variety he remembered, if a touch dirty. Upright ears twitched this way and that way as its head vigorously shook, eventually settling on pointing in his direction when it calmed down enough.
It was apparent that he had its undivided attention…for all of a few seconds. His scaly companion called something out in their foreign tongue, and whatever conclusion the pointy-furred animal came to, it seemed more interested in the kobold, parting from him after nudging his core with its nose.
[Cre-e-e—]
[Errrrrrr0r: Undefiiiiiiii—]
[Acceeeeep-t-t-t??]
[Yeeee— s s / Nnnnnnn—]
He winced at the intrusion, but the contents detracted from the pain. He couldn’t remember the system ever asking him a question without his explicit intent being involved. It wanted him to…accept something? Was it the system prompting him, or the animal? What was he to accept?
[Creatuuuuu—]
[Acce-e-e-%#@ed!]
…What?
= = = = =
“Hoppit, that's not food!” Ceele admonished half-heartedly, placing a larger branch on the burgeoning flame before she got to her feet. She wasn’t actually that worried; the stone was as big as his head, and she was pretty sure he couldn't bite into it. Hopefully. “Come here, momma has a treat for you!”
The ferrorabbit playfully bumped the gemstone and jumped off the low table, landing with a soft thud that belied how heavy he was for his tiny size. He wiggled in excitement, his ears flailing and releasing a slight clack whenever the two connected. It got even louder when she grabbed her basket and put away the useful herbs, taking out a specific item that she had gathered just for him. The little bun wasted no time in scurrying over and standing tall on his hind legs to judge if the offered plant was to his liking—and it was, based on how he dug in with enthusiasm. She stifled a laugh as she contentedly watched him nibble away on the treat, ignoring the guilt that came with knowing she couldn't afford proper vegetables for him. He had a hard life too, and it tore at her to have so little to give.
She came across Hoppit a year ago, during a storm that worsened while she was travelling between towns. The day had darkened to night in spite of it still being about noon, but the weather didn't care for how bright it was supposed to be. Wind and rain became a typhoon, forcing her to seek shelter in a thankfully abandoned den of what was probably a larger animal. She was fine with waiting out the squall, since the stone roof over her head was more than she usually had back then, but the sounds of dull bangs and thuds near her hideaway was followed by cries of animals yelping in pain. Curiosity won over reason, and she left the safety of her shelter to see what was causing the disturbance. Truthfully, she was hopeful that she'd come across scraps or the like, her hunger driving her forward, and she could always turn back if it seemed dangerous. Yet when she arrived at the source of the commotion, she found herself thinking of anything but food.
Two predators had fought over a small burrow, both trying to dig out a meal and taking offence to the other doing the same. What they didn’t know was that they were assaulting the home of ferrorabbits. Specifically, the home of an angry, protective, and well-fed mother that was keeping her newborns safe from the storm when predators decided to try their luck. From the scene Ceele came across, it was certainly obvious why most people dislike trying to hunt the creatures.
Sadly, the rabbit didn't survive an attack from two predators, but she did make their victory pyrrhic; neither could do much about their hunger with their bodies full of cuts and holes, and it was only a matter of time before they succumbed to blood loss or infection. The mother's sacrifice meant that the babies had avoided the imminent threat, but they were left unattended as a consequence, and it took an opportunistic bird swooping down to shake Ceele out of her shock. Despite her subsequent hurry, she only acted in time to save one of the orphaned young. The warren was new and barely dug out, which meant that it didn’t take much effort for the kits to be found—by both her and hungry maws. All she could do was scoop the ball of fluff into her arms and run back to the cave before anything else tried to eat it.
In retrospect, it was a stupid decision for a number of factors. She barely had the resources to supply herself, and an attempt to raise offspring of any type would only make the inevitable heartbreak worse. But when she saw how quiet and scared he was… How his tiny, shaking body calmed in her arms, those terrified red eyes seeking comfort… She should have just walked away when she knew there wasn’t going to be anything to fill her stomach. She should have put the baby animal down and let nature take its course…yet the preciously furry face stole her heart far too quickly for it to grow so cold. The next day was spent backtracking to the nearest town to get him something suitable to eat, which used most of her meagre savings. Still, it was worth every coin.
Hoppit had been accompanying her ever since. He grew quickly, transitioning from something she saved that stormy night into a presence she had grown to love like a child. The little lagomorph would bounce along beside her during her travels, then ride in her arms as he rested—though the latter happened with worrying frequency as of late. She hadn’t learned much about the springy herbivores, but she knew enough to say that he wasn't as big as he should be, nor was his fur as sharp. No matter how startled he was, his spiky coat never managed to do more than stiffen slightly, which was apparently a side effect of poor diet, according to snippets of conversation she had overheard on the topic. She wanted him to be healthy, but she didn't know what he needed. Not many farmers raised ferrorabbits, and those that did were far away, so she didn’t have anyone to ask what she should be doing. Her best course of action was to give him what little she had.
Ceele was well aware of how he would be better off on his own, but he followed her whenever she tried to set him free. Hoppit just kept launching into her arms and wiggling his ears, ecstatic that he was with her again, uncaring that food was scarce and that they spent most of their days travelling. No amount of cold nights spent bundling up under the tattered blankets she managed to find ever dampened his spirits, and he was content to eat the grass or flowers whenever he felt like it, oblivious to the fact that he wasn’t getting enough nutrition. He would dig and excitedly drag back oddities that he found, and the one time he found a plant that looked particularly good for him, he insisted that it be shared with her.
A black pit still lingered in her chest when she recalled how pleased he was while he munched on the rare vegetable he discovered, then how distressed he became when she wouldn’t have any as well. He bumped and nipped at her, all but begging her to eat. His ears pinned back against his head, his fur bristled in a way she hadn’t seen since. It was only when she took a small bite and let him inspect the new teeth marks that he seemed to calm down, but perhaps she had been looking too deep into the actions of her tiny friend. All she could say for certain was that he was scared she was going hungry.
A morbid thought wondered if his first mother had refused food shortly before being attacked, and he—as small and simple as he was—had connected the two events in his mind, making him absolutely terrified that something would happen if Ceele didn’t have something too. All of that fear, and desperation overwhelmed him, just because she was happier watching him eat. She was determined to erase that issue. She would find something that needed a worker and earn enough to feed them both. One day, she would be able to smile at how big and healthy her little fluffy boy had become, but until then, it was becoming increasingly difficult not to think about how she was spending so much time growing vegetables and fruit that he couldn’t have…
Every morning was an exercise in tending to the gardens while actively shoving down images of a pleased ferrorabbit happily eating the results. That never went well; no matter how determined she was to complete her duties without a single selfish thought, most tasks were done while picturing his full belly and delighted bounces. There were a few weeks until the fastest of the crops would be ready for harvest, and Ceele would have to collect them while fighting the urge to bring back just a few for him.
She couldn’t, because she knew exactly how quickly that could escalate. It would start small—A vegetable here, a fruit there—but seeing Hoppit happy was one of the precious few good things she had in her life. Crossing the line would only become easier each time. They couldn’t risk losing their new home over greed, and she was already betraying the trust given to her by housing a wild animal, especially one known to be a pest for crops. She didn't want to know how angry it would make her benefactors if she was caught taking their vegetables for one.
No matter how tame and precious Hoppit was, and no matter how well he listened, they would only see him as the same creature that ruined harvests in droves. Thus was why she had to tell him to stay cooped up by himself while she was working or scavenging. And to her surprise, he did.
Honestly, she had made the initial request with the expectation of needing to carry him back into their home until he understood that she wasn’t leaving him forever. There wasn’t much she could do to stop the ferrorabbit from digging through the old wooden building if he wanted to get out. He wouldn’t need to damage anything either—a rotting board on the door only needed a little push to nudge it out of the way, and his natural curiosity made sure he was aware of it. But no, Hoppit was well-behaved as always, keeping hidden until she walked through the door, where he would leap from the shadows to personally show her how good he was and how he stayed put like she asked him to. It never stopped amazing her that he had such a surprising level of understanding despite being an animal, and that was to say nothing of how young he was.
All that intelligence, joy, and companionship he offered her…and yet the best she could give back to him was the weeds from the garden and the odd plant she found while scavenging…
Soft clacks of flicking ears dragged her from her pondering, her mind returning to the present. Hoppit finished his treat of the small plant, then bounced in place and scurried over to his bowl of water, perfectly happy to have eaten only that. He was so joyful with how little she provided, approaching every day of scarcity with the same enthusiasm she could never muster, as if certain that everything would be alright.
“It’s bedtime, Hoppit,” Ceele announced through a soft sigh, stoking the fire with enough branches to hopefully last the night. The ferrorabbit perked an ear in her direction, then sat on his haunches to extend the rest of himself up, his two little forepaws adorably held to his chest as he inspected the room like he always did. She smiled and made sure everything was stored away, then laid down on her bundle of blankets, covering herself with the warmest one. Hoppit bolted over to snuggle once he decided everything in the shed was up to his standards, throwing himself to the floor in a dramatic flop of comfort. Her quiet laughter subsided as they both settled in for the night, her tail completing the rabbit’s encompassing cuddle, but her eyes fell towards the obsidian orb on the table, her thoughts following suit.
It sat there, just as she left it, as benign as anything else ever placed atop the improvised furnishing. Yet there was a sense of ease and purpose as well. The old wooden trough seemed…important with its adornment firmly laid upon its surface, and she couldn’t puzzle out why. She was starting to doubt her earlier excitement.
Should she sell it? Would anyone know where it came from? Would anyone know what it was, or if it was worth anything? If she could get even a modest sum for it, she would be able to buy clothing, food, and new bedding. It would be easier to convince someone to give her work if she was dressed better and wasn’t so thin, and then she would have the income to slowly improve both of their lives. She could pay for a wandering merchant to ask a ferrorabbit rancher about the animal, even if it would take time to get back to her, or maybe she could hire a local if they needed to go near one for some reason. The cost didn’t matter to her as long as it happened.
But there was something else bothering her about the idea of selling the stone. She had travelled so far with a tug in her chest, only for the feeling of wanderlust to dissipate as soon as she held it. Was that a sign? She was never one for things like ‘fate,’ but a niggling doubt in her mind discouraged the idea of making a profit off her discovery. Even if what she could gain was so very tempting, and even if Hoppit would be happier if she did…
She tore her dampened eyes away and closed them, ignoring the burning trails running across her face. It would be another early morning, and she needed to sleep so she could take care of the garden. Decisions like this could wait. Once she had nothing else distracting her, and she had time to properly think about it, she would see how she felt about the stone.
Eventually, she dozed off with Hoppit pressed against her chest, and a longing in her heart.
Next
—
A/N: Patreon and Ko-fi will be 1 chap ahead this time around, and I've set it so everything from the lowest tier up can read the newest trashfire! Anything above that is sheer show of love. Hope you enjoyed!

Hi I just came across a novel, chosen by the moon novel by izabella W. Its on pay by chapter websites, I've opened and read a few chapters but I can't seem to find any free version or chapter version anywhere. Please help. If anyone has read it I'm willing to take spoilers. Here's the advert I found below of it on Facebook.
Lycanthrope species is a disgusting race. And I, Delan Riley, am nothing more than a human scum in their eyes never expected those species would turn my world upside down. Since when the lycans managed to penetrate our town, like in the early 1900's we have a hierarchy, upper class = the lycans, middle class = mated humans, and lower class = the normal humans, who were basically considered scum. I endured their torment day after day, vowing to run away from them one day, until that day came and everything changed.
Dylan POV "Humans," I scowled at the principal's words from tannoy. "The Alpha twins will be celebrating their birthday tomorrow, as such, festivities are in order." Oh great, the Alphas twin children. Adrian and Arya are the worst lycans alive. I swear just because they are the alphas kids they literally get away with everything. If their birthday is tomorrow, then the wolves are going to be worse than ever. "All students will be present to greet them, two lines will be made, with humans on the left and the lycanthrope on the right. Any mated human will be at the front of the line for their year, you will all also be in order of your school year. That is all." Chat broke out the minute the tannoy was finished. "We haven't had a school gathering since the alpha king visited three years ago, before his sons coronation." Nick was right, the last time we all gathered like that was for the king and queens visit, when he decided to let the world know that he was to renounce his title to his only child, son Josh. "That sick bestard, he wants to make sure everyone is there so those idiot twins can find their mates." Yes I was mad, my fists connected with the table in front of me once more as I thought about how disgusting the situation was. You see the twins will be turning 17, so it's very possible someone in our school could be their mate, finding a mate is sacred to a wolf, the minute they say that one word your fate is sealed. They will turn your mind, morph you into being a lover of their kind, and then you'll give in.

That won't happen to me, I'm growing old to see the world as it once was, and I'm going to choose who I'll be with. No one will take that dream away from me.

Once dinner was finished, I just wanted to sleep. I'd had a very long tiring day, I quickly sat down on a small stool my mother kept in the storage closet and removed my shirt while my brother Freddy sat at the table to do his simple homework. It wasn't long before my mother came in with a large bowl of warm salt water and some cotton, this was going to sting I just knew it. She was here to help me with the wounds caused by wolves yesterday. She slowly began to unwrap the bandage from around my torso and slowed down drastically when it came to the final layer, I felt it peel off every wound and my fists clenched in pain. "Jesus!" I heard my mom exclaim once the dressing was completely removed. The air on my back was nice though and I sighed as my arm covered my once again exposed brests. "This is more than 15!" I began to hear sniffles coming from her and sighed turning round to look at her face, only to notice tears streaming down it. "Mom I'm fine, it's alright." She shook her head. "It's not alright, I'm your mother I shouldn't let these things happen. I'm so sorry. Your father would have..." here she goes again. Every single time something happened she'd always bring up dad, it really annoyed me because no matter how much we all wish he was here, he just isn't. My father was kiled by THEIR kind, almost 5 years ago when they actually managed to take over. When the lycans managed to penetrate our town my father rose up with some people from the neighborhood, to defend our livelihood, it was futile to say the least. We lost many people and I watched as my dad was ripped apart by two fully shifted wolves, I ended up shoting him to stop his suffering before they dragged me to the courtyard, i was the person to receive the first lashing of the town when I was 12! The wolves have been pretty strict with me since that day. "Stop being stvpid!" Was I harsh? Definitely! Did she need to hear it again, absolutely. "Dad is dead, we don't know what he'd do because he never knew this life. He never knew this world." I know what he'd have done, most likely attacked the guy who held the whip and got himself kiled in the process. "The best thing you can do for me, is stop crying and help me, next time don't insist on helping if you can't handle it." She began to wash my open wounds with the warm salt water causing loud winces to leave me, I knew it was necessary to prevent infection, but my god it hurt like a betch. "Some of these are really deep Dylan!" She sniffed again and my eyes rolled in my head. "I told you, I'm fine, just wrap me back up so I can get to bed." My mom was obviously more impacted by my injuries than I was, I suppose that always the case though. When it's happening to you, you've just got to get through it but when it's happening to someone you love, you just want to take their pain away. She quickly placed a fresh bandage around my waist and chest and wrapped it tightly for compression. The bowl of water that was used was now red in color, I guess from the blood my back was dripping with. "Can you keep your head down please? At least just this week. You can't take any more lashings." I simply nodded before standing up away from the stool, I walked over to Freddie and ruffled his hair in affection. "Good night squirt." He giggled and fixed his hair slightly. "Night Dilly." I smiled walking upstairs to my little bedroom, as soon as I was inside i shut the door and flopped down on to my bed on my stomach and I took a minute to cry to myself at the pain in my back, what my mom did was important but it hurt, not that I'd ever tell her. My hand covered my mouth quickly to muffle any noise I might be making. I couldn't tell anyone, I had to be strong because more and more people were crumpling these days, and my mom would break if she knew how much I was suffering. Sleep followed me shortly after, she was right though about me needing to keep my head down for the time being, I could not take another lashing! After a long night and an even longer morning, we were all finally stood in the hallway at school waiting for the twins to arrive. "Mine!" Everyone that was stood in the hallway tensed up, as we were seniors, me and Nick were stood towards the very back of the human line. All the mated people were situated directly opposite their wolf mates in their years. We stayed silent and still as Arya walked down the hall and stopped directly in front of Nick. His eyes widened in fear, unsure of wether to look up or keep his head lowered. "Look me in the eye, mate." He glanced at me slightly as if asking what he should do. "I said, look me in the eye." He slowly moved his eye line up to look at her face. I took a glance myself to see her eyes pitch black with lust. "I... can't... I mean... erm." Before he was able to mutter anything else, two wolves from opposite, grabbed him out of the line and dragged him behind Arya. "Hey!" My head shot up before I could stop myself. My mouth also forgot its place as I jumped out of line. Everyone's head shot to me as my eyes widened in realization at what I'd done. Adrian, the other twin, walked up to me before punching me right in the stomach, I doubled over instantly. Feeling the sting in my slightly healed back. "I know you... You were publicly flogged only two days ago." God I hate this guy. "I also have it on good authority, that you openly spoke out against our rules and regulations in yesterday's class." My head shot down the line slightly to see Erin, looking a little frightened, her mate, the beta to be was looking at her, nodding his head in reassurance. "You traitor, you grassed on your own kind?" I yelled at her before feeling a fist connect with my cheek. My head whipped to the side from the force, while my class members gasped. I'm so done with this treatment, right then, I wasn't in charge of my actions. My fists curled up and my stance became a lot more defensive. My head snapped up to the alpha to be, and I looked him in the eye. "You don't know the meaning of the word disrespect." I suddenly hurled my fist towards his head, which he easily dodged, but my foot came up and kicked him instead. He stumbled backwards from the force with wide eyes. "You... you Actually hit me!" He didn't even sound annoyed, more shocked. Everyone in the hallway was watching, waiting for the alpha to do something but instead he simply stood up straight, regaining his composure. "I think everyone should get back to class." He began to walk away, following his sister when I called him back. "What about Nick?!" "Simple, He's my sisters mate. He now belongs to her." Argh, he's not an object. "He's not her property." A chuckle left his mouth, before turning his back to me again. "All humans are property." A short while later everyone made it to science class, our teacher Mrs Mathews is mated to the lycans pack doctor, she also now has a four and two year old with him. She was one of the first humans to be cohered into a false relationship. "What were you thinking young lady?" I rolled my head at her before looking at the empty seat next to mine. Nick was with that stvpid wolf girl right now. Being changed, I'm so angry it's ridiculous. "I was thinking, this guy is being a prick. Did you hear him? 'All humans are property.' It's bull shet." I looked up and the whole class looked at me like I had three heads. Talking shet about wolves is one thing, but talking about an alpha is punishable by death, attacking an alpha is an even worse offense. There was then a knock at the door and in walked Erin and her band of mated bestards. "Sorry we're late Mrs." "Erin, how are things between you and bata Monroe?" She blushed, the traitor actually blushed at the mention of his name. "He spoke to me last night about trying for a baby. We need a good strong boy to take over as beta." I scoffed looking at her as she took her seat. "You guys are actually pathetic, why can't it be a girl? Those mutts are basically Neanderthals" I voiced my opinion and saw all the shocked faces around me. Calling the lycans mutts, is the same as them calling us scum. After lesson had ended the entire school was called into the hall for assembly. This is where any human who has been found to have broken the rules were punished, usually 10 lashings were goven out or something similar. "Welcome to the school assembly, congratulations to the alpha twins for finding both your mates. Now on to the business at hand, as the 5 year anniversary of the new world is coming up, we have been informed that the alpha king will be visiting our district next week, this is very exciting news. We want you all to look your absolute best, she wolves and mated females will wear exemplary dresses made by seamstress. Male wolves and mated men will wear tailored suits. Anyone who doesn't comply will be reprimanded." The Alpha King?! No one has met him yet, he took over the throne three years ago when he turned 18. He really didn't make any appearances though, great, this month is going to be a nightmare. "As for the humans, you will be given a new uniform to wear for the visit, these are to be neatly ironed and worn to the highest standard. As for the following humans, based on your attitude this past week, you will be coming to the front and facing punishment. Tony summerset?!" Tony's head shot up as he looked around, he was in the year below but he shared my views when it came to the lycans. He slowly walked up to the front of assembly, almost instantly his top was t0rn in two and he received 10 lashings. A girl named Kara was next and she too received 10 lashings. A few more people went up slowly accepting their fate then suddenly my name was called. "Dylan Riley." Inside I was terrified but I simply shrugged my shoulders, I guess I did kind of expect this. Although I'm not sure if my back can take any more damage. "You attacked an alpha, correct!" His eyes bored into mine as I bowed my head submitting to his authority. "Technically, no." Everyone in the school gym looked on in fear, as my head moved to the front row of the wolf side. Adrian sat, with a werewolf girl in the year below, her name was Jana, I guess he found his mate. Nick and Arya were no where to be seen though. Adrian gave me a shrug as if to say he didn't tell, before smirking at my comment. "He hasn't officially taken the alpha title yet, so he's just..." i looked at the principle and noticed his eyes black and his claws out, he was in what lycans call a half shift, triggered when the subject has become angered. He turned to two security wolves and gave them a nod, Almost immediately i was forced onto my knees, my arm was slammed on a table and held in place by one wolf, while my body was held in place by the other. "Ok, I don't think this is needed, I have alpha blood, a stvpid human girl can't hurt me." My head snapped to Adrian who had stood up in front of the school to stop what was happening. "Nevertheless, humans need to know their place." With that the pressure on my arm increased as our principals hand pulled my sleeve up before a long claw punctured my skin. The searing pain shoting from the fresh wound had my eyes scrunched and my fist clenched, I bit the inside of my cheek hard instantly tasting blood, however no sound left my mouth. He continued to write, using my skin as a canvas and his claws as a marker, it went on forever, my vision blurred slightly at one point as I turned my head away. After minutes of torture, he was done and the pressure on my arm eased, instantly I snatched my arm away, hissing through my teeth at the pain. I was about to scurry off stage, when I was roughly grabbed yet again, my arm being held in the air by the principal while my feet were inches off the floor, blood dripped from the wound and the pattern he had made was on show for everyone to see. Loads of people gasped, even the wolves looked slightly horrified at what had happened. "This is what happens when a human decides to speak out. I can promise, anyone who so much as says one word about our way of life, will have the same punishment." My arm was starting to seriously ache from being held in the air for so long, and the lack of blood flow to my suspended arm was causing me pins and needles, still I refused to make a sound. I held the tears back and I bit my cheek harder causing more blood to fill my mouth. "That's enough Bradley!" Adrian growled, he was still stood up and looking at the scene in front of him. His eyes hard as he stared at the principal a low warning growl erupted from his chest which had the head teacher gulping, he quickly let go of my arm causing me to crash to the floor. A small cry left my mouth as I hit the hard floor. Immediately I scrambled away, my foot just missed the high step leading to the stage and I fell, waiting for the impact of the ground, but it never came. Two strong arms wrapped around me catching my weak body causing me to look up, my eyes widened as I noticed Adrian had caught my falling form. "This isn't part of the human punishment program!" Adrian growled causing me to tense in his grip, I pushed him away from me before fixing my uniform top. The room was deadly silent, taking in the scene in front of them, while I stole a glance at my forearm. Carved into my skin by his devastating claws were two words, words that would most definitely scar my body for life. 'Human scum' "Lessons must be learned, she received lashing merely two days ago, and clearly it had no effect on her." Another growl left Adrian's chest as he stepped on to the stage, I wasn't bothered though, you would think I'd be ashamed but I simply smiled slightly. I fixed my sleeve a little so it wouldn't rub on the fresh wound before speaking. "It doesn't matter," the whole room looked at me shocked by my attitude. "I would rather be labeled human scum, than have any resemblance to your kind. I'm proud of what I am, how many of you can say that?" After my amazing little speech, I walked right down the middle between the humans and lycans and out the door. No more compliance, I'm going to get away with as much as I can without getting into too much bother. There will come a day when the lycans power will fizzle out. When it does I'll be ready, I'll be waiting for the day we take our world back. As for the best part about my plan...

No one can stop me.

"Ouch, not so hard." I seethed as the school nurse cleaned my new wound with antiseptic. "If you had of just kept your mouth shut, this wouldn't have happened." I turned to my right looking out the window at the few clouds that were floating in the blue sky. "Like I said, I'm proud to be human, and now everyone knows what I am." I clenched my fist together as the nurse began wrapping a bandage around my forearm. It had been a good few hours since the incident in the hall, and I had been forced to come to the nurces office after I had tried to clean my wound by splashing it with water from the tap, it also refused to stop bleeding. "You are impossible. Can you please just try and stay out of trouble? For one day, that's all I ask." Our school nurse is a wolf, she's one of them. However she hates the way they treat us mere humans, she thinks we should all just live in peace with equal rights. Like that would ever happen. "All I've done is stay out of trouble, but you are just going to humiliate me anyway, so what's the actual point?" "The pack were discussing a public execution, Dylan. You need to walk on egg shells from now on, not just for you but for your family as well." No ones been publicly executed in over 4 months, I'm flattered they're considering it. They only execute people who they believe are the biggest problems to society. "Well then... I'm flattered." I chuckled, before looking at the patch job. 'Huh, not too shabby.' I quickly stood up from the human nursing station and pulled the sleeve of my shirt down covering the evidence of ever being hurt. "This is serious!" I just gave her a blank look before leaving the room. On the way out I heard her call back to me. "Please just think about it." I gave a clipped nod as I walked away wondering how I'm going to tell my mom about this. Later in the evening... "Dilly why you say that?" Freddie looked up at me with a mouth full of bread. "Don't speak with your mouthful!" My mom scolded him as a bashful blush made its way to his cheeks. "Sowwy mommy." His reply was muffled as he swallowed the last chunk of food. "I said it Freddie, because it's the truth. The wolf race are a pathetic excuse for..." my mom cut me off with an extremely stern look. "Dylan! They have ears everywhere, one more word out of you and it's your room." I scowled, my hatred for the Lycan kind growing stronger as each day passes. "What more can they do to me, lash me? Beat me? Brand me? They've ran out of options." I stated slamming my hands down, then severely regretting it as sharp pain shot though my wound. "What was that?" My head shot to regard my mothers worried expression. Her eyebrows were raised and her eyes were dull and judging as she looked at me. "Nothing, it was nothing." I quickly took my plate in my hand and began to walk to the kitchen. "I'm not really hungry, and I have homework to do!" My mom caught hold of my forearm causing me to drop my plate suddenly, I watched it slowly fall before shattering on the floor. I retracted my arm quickly and turned to Freddie. "Stay there and don't move until it's cleaned up ok sport?" He just nodded with wide eyes, I turned back to my mom and noticed her curious stare on my arm. Her grip shifted to the other side as she turned it around before pulling my sleeve up. The bandage was showing and a bit of blood was seeping though after the wound had been disturbed. "What the hel happened?" My moms eyes widened as she began to fumble with the bandage. Before she could unravel any of it I snatched my arm away. "I had an accident at school. No big." I began to gather the large pieces of the broken plate up ready to put them in the bin. "What did you do Dylan?" She looked at me with pure worry and only then did I realize what the wound must look like to someone who didn't know. "For gods sake! I didn't do it to myself! I got publicly punished at the assembly alright? It's no big deal." Her face dropped instantly and she stepped towards me, causing me to step backwards. "Mom, I'm ok. So back off will you." "What did you do? I've never known them to cut someone's arm as a punishment." Her shock and accusation was evident in her voice and I sighed heavily. "I spoke against the alphas son." I may have hit him too, but I wasn't going to divulge that part to her. "It's not one big cut, mom, it's a brand, 'human scum' carved onto my arm." "They've branded you now too?!" My eyes rolled at her hurt tone as I went to get the dustpan and brush. "You're so much like your father." A sigh left her mouth as she spoke, running a hand through her hair, while I quickly swept up the little pieces of the broken plate. "You've had a new uniform delivered. It's laid out on your bed. Dylan, Please just try and stay respectful in the future, I don't want my daughter to be completely mutilated. Although you're not far off." "Gee, Thanks." I then walked over to my little brother Freddy before blowing a kiss into his neck and hearing him giggle. "So sport, how's school going?" "It's ok." He shrugged before going back to coloring a dinosaur picture in. "Well that's good, stay out of trouble, ok little man?" Heading upstairs and into my room, my thoughts wandered to the permanent graffiti scar very slowly healing on my arm. Disgusting beasts. Think they own the world because they're faster, stronger and can shift. Pah. If you ask me they are not all that.

The second I walked into my room my mouth dropped open. On my bed was some grey pants laid out neatly, which wasn't the surprising part, no, what shocked me was the grey high neck no sleeved button down shirt, every single set of uniform had sleeves except this one. They've done this on purpose those, mutts. They want the world to see my arm and know what a disgusting creature I am. They want the world to know that I, Dylan Riley, am nothing more than 'human scum'.

During the last week, I've been horrible, in class I've been loud in voicing my views, I've insulted at least everyone to some degree, I didn't care about the consequences, and I certainly didn't think about them. I haven't seen Nick at all since he was claimed, and to make matters worse today was the royal visit. Oh yes, werewolves and mated humans alike were spending every waking minute preparing themselves to meet his royal majesty, king of the wolves. Unclaimed Humans however would rather stick pins in their eyes. "Dylan, get down now... you're going to be late." She was right, I was dawdling this morning, I really couldn't be bothered today, I gave myself one last look in the small mirror and sighed when my eyes met my newly uncovered brand. It had bad bruising around the letters, and was still extremely tender to touch, it was definitely healing now though. I made my way down the stairs and came face to face with my mother who was seeing to Freddie, she was helping my brother get his coat on when she turned to me. "You ready sport?" Freddie nodded his little head at me and smiled while I quickly slid my shoes on. "Just Remember, the alpha is bad enough, Dylan, please, please don't do anything to anger the king." My mother stopped us from walking out the door to tell me something she had been telling me continuously for the last couple of days, it was almost as if the entire human population of our district was expecting me to do something stvpid. "Try and have a good day." I rolled my eyes but nodded, even I know not to push the king, he could kil me in the hallway like it was nothing. In fact I plan on staying out of his way for the entirety of the day. "We will see you tonight mom." I stated before me and my brother began our walk to school, his little hand clutched my own tightly as we went. Usually Nick would be with us, as he lives next door, well he used to, now he's residing in the main pack house. I quickly dropped Freddie off at his school and watched him get the wolfsbane neutralizer before walking into him building giving me a small wave before he went in. With my new scar on complete show, and my figure being complimented by the skin tight shirt I was wearing, I sauntered down the street to school, I gave my name and year in and took the wolf's bane neutralizer injection with no problems at all. It was finally getting into school that the problem occurred. Walking through the halls I was met by many looks, some of pity some of disgust. You see every single non mated human in the school was wearing a long sleeved version of the uniform I was given. All the Wolves and mated couples were scattered around in fancy floor length dresses or tailored suits. As I turned the corner I noticed a couple, now this couple happened to catch my eye the most out of all of them because it consisted of Arya and Nick, eating each other's faces off. "What the hel!" Nicks head shot to me as his eyes widened. He too was dressed in a tailored suit, a navy blue tie hung on his neck to match Aryas dress. Why was this happening all the time? It's always my friends that get completely brain washed. I shook my head in disbelief before turning my back on him. I heard his fast footsteps behind me as I rounded the corner. "Dylan?!" He ran right in front of me, stopping me in my tracks, making me drop my bag off my shoulder and almost causing me to bump into him. "Let me just explain..." "Has she marked you?" I mean you could almost see it in his eyes, she had marked him, and knowing the way life goes he's probably even mated with her. "Actually... Don't even answer that." I aggressively picked my bag up off of the floor and stormed off down the hall. "Dylan, just listen to me, Erin was right, it's so hard to resist your soulmate, and Arya is actually ok once you get to know her." I just kept walking, he caught up to me walking beside me but it didn't matter, I completely ignored everything and everyone. 'I'm so not in the mood today' getting into class was good though, I said hello to Mr Foley and took my usual seat. Nick sighed then took his bag off ready to sit next to me, but I snapped before he had the chance. "Traitors and mated idiots sit on that side of the room." I didn't look him in the eye as I pointed to a seat right at the front of the classroom on the opposite side. His eyes widened as he turned his attention back to me. "You can't be serious Dylan." I gave him a blank look before grabbing my book out of my backpack, I placed it on the desk then began to write the date on the top line. "I've sat in this seat for as long as I can remember." I ignored him, his voice sounded sad and shocked. "Dylan? Wait! What is that?!" Before I could react Nick had grabbed hold of my branded arm and turned it to see the letters. "Oh my God! What happened?" I snatched my arm away from him and shrugged as I continued to write in my book before grabbing my water bottle out of my bag. "The principal happened, it was my punishment for speaking out against Adrian and Arya. I wear it with pride." He just held a complete look of disbelief. "You spoke out against them?" I shrugged, what did he think I'd do. "It's no secret that I despise this stvpid new world and the mutts that control it. You were my friend, I wasn't going to let them just take you without saying something, although that is exactly what you seem to have done. Enjoy the view from your new seat!" "Don't be like that, Dylan, I'm your best friend, I'm sorry about your arm, but..." my eyes rolled inside my head at my friends words. "Anything with the word 'but' in, isn't an apology, it's a rationalization." I took a drink of water from my bottle and kept my eyes facing forward, ignoring his every attempt to try and talk to me. "Dylan?.. Dylan?... Do you know what? Erin is right, if you push us all away you won't have any friends left." He huffed before walking over to the empty seat and sitting down, I could feel him glancing up at me every now and again but I didn't respond. "Good morning class, please settle down." He looked at me then at Nick and frowned, we've never sat apart, we were friends before the new world even began. I just shook my head telling him to forget it. "So... as you know the king will be arriving in a short while, but until then lessons will go on as normal." Its funny seeing teachers in the same uniform your wearing, mr Foley and his wife are the coolest. Human teachers and doctors only have slightly more respect than we do. Because of Mr Foley's status him and his wife have better access to food and drink, Mrs Foley is cool, sometimes she even makes sure mr Foley brings some in for me. Ya know, coz I'm their favorite student. It's not in a weird way, it's just they were friends of the family before the new wold took effect. Mr Foley and my dad were buddies from high school, so it goes without sayin really. "All the mated humans will be at the front of each years line again, after that you will all be placed in status, Nick, as your mated to Alpha Arya, you'll be at the front of your line. Dylan as you have been branded..." his voice trailed off as he looked at me. "Yeah yeah, I'll be at the back of the line behind everyone. I get it." I huffed, moving my sight towards the window once more. "I am sorry." I turned to face Mr Foley again, he looked genuinely upset and that look of pity wasn't something I wanted to see. I gave him a clipped nod then turned away again. "Anyway, on to the subject matter, 'Of Mice and Men, page 64, Nick why don't you start us off with the reading."

"Of course sir." Nick began reading the book but I switched off, today is going to be a long day. After almost an hour and a half of reading comprehension, the bell chimed signaling lunch. I shot up and out of the classroom before anyone could say anything. Today, I was avoiding drama like the plague.

I wandered the corridors straight to the lunch hall. All the people I would normally hang out with we're all mated so I grabbed my lunch quickly, and sat down at the end of the human table. Let me lay the lunch hall out for you. On one side of the room you have two long rows of tables, with simple benches that make it look like prison, on the other side of the room you have multiple round tables with fancy chairs. Yup you get it. The humans sit at the prison tables and the wolves and traitors sit on the fancy tables, they get fancy food, fancy drink and most importantly they get pudding. what I would give to have some pudding. "Dylan can we just talk?" Nick quickly took the spot next to me as he set his lunch tray down. I looked at his food which had been placed on a ceramic, circular white plate. God that looked good. I sighed knowing he was going to talk anyway. "Fine, you have two minutes." I used my fork to take a bit of pasta off his plate and shoved it into my mouth. God that was good. "After I left school, I was taken to the pack house with Arya, and I really got to know her. It took a few days for me to finally accept being with her, but ever since life has been ok, and the sax... well that's a whole other story." Eww, I didn't need that mental image in my head. "I'm glad your happy." I stated before deciding I had no appetite. His face held shock before he sighed in relief. "That means a lot Dylan, I mean you know that your opinion matters to me." I cut him off before he could say anything else. "I said I was glad your happy. I didn't say I approved of what you've done. You've basically turned into one of THEM, I can't ever forgive you for that." He looked hurt, but I couldn't care less about his feelings. He placed his hand gently on my arm and went to open his mouth when a growl sounded out. All heads whipped to where it came from, Arya was stood holding a glass of soda and a plate, she was looking right at me and Nick and I would totally be dead if looks could kil. Nick quickly retracted his hand, his whole face fell and you could see sorrow flood his irises. "You sit with me now, get away from that, that... scum!" Wow, Nick was such a lucky guy. NOT. "You heard her. Get away from me, go sit with your new friends. I'm happy for you, and I understand where your coming from, but don't come up to me again and pretend you didn't betray your own kind. Don't pretend you didn't betray me." I shoved a little bit of food into my mouth before standing up and walking out of the cafeteria, leaving my tray on the table. I was walking through the hallway to the classroom, you see I decided to spend lunch with Mr Foley in his room, when I happened to hear voices in the corridor. "Is it wise for her to actually be present when the king arrives? Surely she could be placed in the dungeons, it might actually teach her some respect?" My principal was speaking to the alpha of our district, huh, if I stayed and listened do you think they'd notice, maybe they could smell me?! "Everyone is to be present, if the Riley girl does one thing out of line she will be dealt with severely, child or not. That girl has been a blight to the district since day one, she's dangerous, if she puts one hair out of place I will personally break her into submission." Oh shet, they were talking about me specifically, and they mentioned the dungeon, that's not been used in months. Normally I would have listened in more but something about the entire situation didn't sit right with me, all of a sudden, I was on edge, and simply wasn't interested in the slightest in hearing how my misery was to be enhanced. I backed up slightly before turning around and bumping head first into one of the hottest man I had ever seen. I lost my balance immediately and fell straight on to the floor letting out a small grumble in the process. His eyebrows knitted together quickly and his breath hitched in his throat as he looked upon my fallen state and gasped. "Mate!" He whispered, his eyes fixated on mine. Now, I had seen and heard that many times to know what that means, I gasped before taking a step back. 'No, no, no, no, no. This can not be happening.' He growled slightly before stepping towards me. Oh Shet!

Jessie loved photography. When her high school formed a new photography club, she eagerly joined. One day, Mr. Thompson, the club advisor, announced a special project: documenting the town’s history. Jessie was assigned the old, abandoned mansion at the edge of town.
Excited, she grabbed her camera and headed out after school. The mansion, with its crumbling facade and air of mystery, had always fascinated her. As she approached, she felt watched. Shaking off the eerie feeling, she pushed open the creaky gate and stepped into the overgrown garden.
Inside, the mansion was a photographer's dream. Dust motes floated in beams of sunlight filtering through broken windows. Jessie snapped picture after picture, moving from room to room. In an upstairs bedroom, she found an old, dusty mirror. It was cracked but still reflected the room behind her. As she raised her camera, she froze. In the reflection, she saw a figure standing behind her. She spun around, but the room was empty.
Heart pounding, Jessie convinced herself it was her imagination. She continued taking pictures but felt uneasy. As she finished, she decided to take one last photo of the grand staircase. Focusing her camera, she saw it again—the figure, now at the top of the stairs, staring down at her. This time, it was a young girl in an old-fashioned dress, eyes hollow and dark. Jessie snapped the photo, and the flash seemed to make the girl vanish.
She bolted from the mansion, not stopping until she was safely home. That night, she developed the photos in her darkroom. The images were stunning, capturing the mansion's haunting beauty. But in every photo, the same girl stood in the background, watching her.
Terrified, Jessie brought the photos to Mr. Thompson the next day. He examined them, his brow furrowing. "These are incredible, Jessie. But the girl... she looks familiar."
He pulled out an old yearbook. "This is Emily Sinclair. She lived in that mansion and disappeared over fifty years ago. They never found her."
Jessie's blood ran cold. "So, what does that mean? Is she... a ghost?"
Mr. Thompson shook his head. "I don't know. But there's something you should see." He led her to a locked cabinet and pulled out old, yellowed photos. "These were taken by students in the photography club over the years. Look closely."
Jessie flipped through the photos, her heart sinking. In each one, Emily Sinclair was in the background, always watching. "Why didn't anyone say anything?"
"They did," Mr. Thompson replied grimly. "But no one believed them. Everyone thought it was a trick of the light."
As Jessie stared at the photos, she felt a chill run down her spine. She looked up at Mr. Thompson, but he was gone. The room was empty, except for her and the photos.
Suddenly, the door slammed shut, and the lights flickered out. Jessie felt a cold hand on her shoulder and turned to see Emily Sinclair, her hollow eyes filled with sadness and rage.
"You've seen me," Emily whispered. "Now you belong to the house, just like all the others."
Jessie screamed, but no sound came out. The darkness closed in around her, and she felt herself being pulled away, her camera slipping from her grasp. The last thing she saw was Emily's ghostly face, inches from her own, before everything went black.
When the lights came back on, the room was empty. The photos lay scattered on the floor, and Jessie's camera was gone. She was never seen again, just another victim of the mansion's dark history, forever captured in its haunting photographs.

Is it possible to make a clone of a 2 TB (1.8 TB) hard drive and clone it to a 3 TB hard drive, without taking up all the space of the 3 TB hard drive?
The 2 TB had about 250 - 350 (maybe 302) GB used, and the 3 TB hard drive has some space used up as well. I'm not sure how much, probably about 100 GB - 200 GB, but I think maybe 100 GB - 150 GB. So I remember reading somewhere that to make a clone of a hard drive, you need to have an empty external hard drive, or something like that. Do I have to format the 3 TB hard drive if it's not the right format? I think the 2 TB one is NTFS. If the 3 TB hard drive is the right format, can I leave the other files on it, and just clone the 2 TB hard drive over using DMDE? Is DMDE good for this? Also, is this an intensive process for both hard drives? I don't plan on turning the 2 TB hard drive on in the computer to clone. I would hook it up externally to another computer, and after cloning, I would put it back in the computer. Does this shorten the life of both hard drives?
The whole goal of this is to make a clone of the 2 TB hard drive so I can scan for deleted files from long ago on the clone, rather than potentially damaging the original 2 TB hard drive. Can a clone be damaged? Do I have to make a clone of the clone? Anyway, scanning for those deleted files is NOT important. I just wanted to try to see what I could find. About how big would the clone be? Would it be more than 2 TB?
So can I leave the 3 TB hard drive without emptying it, and just clone over the 2 TB hard drive safely, and if so, how complicated is that? Do I have to configure some stuff in DMDE or the 3 TB hard drive?
If not, I could just transfer the majority of the 3 TB hard drive over to another storage device and then use the empty and possibly formatted 3 TB hard drive for the clone. About how long would that cloning process take? Is this worth it, or should I let these deleted files go? Is this cloning process intensive for the other laptop I would be running DMDE on to clone the 2 TB hard drive to the 3 TB hard drive?
Thanks.

I, (17F) fat shamed my whole family other than my mum.
I’ve been in hospital multiple times since I was about 12 years old for anorexia, my nana (60F) has always made comments on my weight or the way I eat or how much I eat since I was about 3 or 4 years old. I blame her a lot for saying those things which resulted in an eating disorder and even after being diagnosed she continued to tell me I’m eating too much and called me a pig despite me always being quite skinny.
She recently had her 60th birthday and my uncle (40M) was there and me and my mother had always had issues with him for as long as I can remember, I won’t go into detail but he’d try taking me away to see my dad even though both me and my mum have a restraining order on him.
I introduced him to my boyfriend (17M) even after we tried not to interact with him to avoid drama, my aunty (31F) pressed my boyfriend into meeting him anyways which I wasn’t happy about. My uncle instantly started threatening my boyfriend and telling him to fck off if he knows what’s good for him. It’s a long story so I tried keeping it short but I admit I did call him a fat cnt and walked away with my bf.
Less then a week later I got into an argument with my nana and aunty as they both shouted at me for fat shaming my own uncle and I should know not to say things like that as I have an eating disorder and brought up nasty things about my dad from the past like it was my fault. I said to them both they shouldn’t be defending my uncle when it was my uncle started on my boyfriend first.
They both started screaming some nonsense at me about how I’m a fat cow and a sl*t and how I probably I need to lose weight so my bf will like me more.
I basically told them they’re jealous of me because they’re all obese pieces of shit and they started shouting how they have nothing to be jealous of so I lifted my shirt and showed my stomach and I said “well where’s your nice bodies then coz from what I see your both severely overweight.” They continued screaming at me until my aunty called my grandad because I was ‘out of control’ and ‘going crazy’. My grandad showed up just after my aunty chased me to my room thratening to beat the fck out of me which is also when my mum got home.
It went back and forth between us all my mum obviously on my side until we eventually both got kicked out of OUR house. We weren’t welcome back at home for another week and had to stay at my mums partners house.
Both my bf and I hate my family and I’m embarrassed to even call them that. I feel so bad that my family are the way they are and I can’t just have a nice relationship with them or my boyfriend either. They still bring that argument up nearly 4 months later and shame me for what I said and make me feel guilty for it.
Me and mum finally got out of that situation and moved in with her partner and they told us we abandoned them and were selfish for wanting to leave them behind.
Is my family crazy or am I an AH?
(Sorry for such a long story I didn’t know how else to shorten it)

EXTENSIVE Rebirth, Remake, and OG FF7 spoilers in here.
This is a continuation of What's Actually Going On in FF7R (The White Materia) where I attempt to make sense of everything the Remake continuity added to the OG FF7 story. It really is best if you read the other thread first, just because this will be easier if i've already explained my theory on the White Materia and it's associated spell, Holy.
Another disclaimer : This is, still, just a theory, aGameTheory. Don't hate me (or square?) in the event it's completely wrong, which it has a decent chance of being.

There are only 2 things about FF7's Story that have fundamentally changed in Remake.
The White and Black Materia. Or more specifically, the Magic granted by them.

But what I want to discuss this time is (what I personally think, as of Rebirth) is one brilliant misdirection from Square Enix...in hindsight, anyway.

The Whispers

Oh no

"....What the hell was Square thinking?" -- You, probably, watching the ending to Rebirth and/or Remake

Well, they were thinking exactly what you were thinking. And they used it against you.
So getting right to it. TLDR;
The Whispers are exactly what they were said to be -- they protect fate by rejecting any changes to the Lifestream. The misdirection here is how YOU have been goaded into misinterpreting this information.
The White and Black Materia can fully explain their existence and purpose. And it has absolutely NOTHING to do with the OG FF7.
Let's start with what we learned from the previous thread about the White Materia:

So what does the White Materia ACTUALLY do in FF7R?
The White Materia (Holy) gives the user access to the Lifestream. Not just a piece of its knowledge, like regular materia....but the actual lifestream itself. In doing so, they gain knowledge, like all Materia allows them to do. Knowledge of the past, the future, and everything else in flux.
But this is NOT knowledge that you're not supposed to be able to actually do anything with, **because unlike casting Fire or Lightning....**knowing the future allows you to change fate.

Materia are orbs containing knowledge of the ancients. In effect, they contain information from the lifestream itself. The White Materia's magic (Holy) is special though. The magic it contains seems to allow the user to traverse the lifestream itself. This means, in effect, the ability to interact with (and take knowledge from) the actual memories of the Lifestream.
As we know, the Lifestream is everything, everywhere, and every time. All life comes from the lifestream, and when something dies, it returns there. And its memories stay there forever, as physical places within the lifestream.
This is something Tifa observed for herself in Rebirth. In her brief time floating with the WEAPON, she was reunited with her very own memories...in a very literal fashion.
Tifa, inside the Lifestream in the middle of the Gongaga Reactor
This is the Mako pool in the Lifestream underneath Gongaga. We literally watched Tifa fall in, and physically swim to this location........so why is Tifa's house here? Along with...the Nibelheim Mountians?
A Fragmented Nibelheim, including Mt Nibel and the Bridge that Tifa and Cloud almost died on in the past.
Tifa's memories are not only being played out here....they are physically real. This is because she's inside the Lifestream. She hasn't gone anywhere, she's still in Gongaga, but look at the extent to which this pool of Mako is able to interact with one person's memories.
And also....wait a second.
This space beneath the reactor is filled with White and Black Whispers.
...I thought we killed all the whispers? What are they doing here?
We'll come back to this later.
Lets back up a bit.

Why you [probably] hated the Whispers.

Hear me out.
The "OG Storyline" has never existed in Remake. It's not a thing. And the Whispers have nothing to do with it.
\"Oh, the Whispers came because Reno doesn't die in the original game\" -- You, probably

"The whispers were put into the game as a meta commentary on how the developers just want to create their own story, but the fans won't let us, so the party fucking KILLS FATE so that Nomura or Nojima or whomever is most annoying can write whatever they want." -- The Internet. Also you. Probably.

Everyone thinks the Whispers only existed in Remake in order to ensure that the story never deviates from the OG FF7 Storyline. Every time something important is about to happen that didn't happen in the original game, the whispers intervene and correct the timeline.
This is the typical, widely accepted "Meta Commentary" explanation of the Whispers.
But it's wrong.
No, not just because this theory says so. This interpretation was ALWAYS wrong.
So the whispers are canon police, but are just gonna IGNORE stuff like this?
FF7R's storyline is self-contained. If the whispers existed to "protect the old events", then why is even Remake chocked full of shit that never happened in the OG and would actively change the story if it did?
But don't be confused -- the writers ABSOLUTELY wanted you to think this way. It's what bothered me about Remake's ending. But they were actually clever about it, and Rebirth vindicates this decision.
"Changing the Future", "Defying Fate", and "The Future is Unwritten" has nothing to do the OG FF7.
Okay good we got this out of the way, I can stop talking about Meta Analysis and get to the actual good stuff.

What the whispers were ACTUALLY doing

Remake explained what the Whispers are verbatim.
They protect fate -- the Lifestream. From Aerith, and Jenova.
The Lifestream IS Fate.

Red -"Perhaps best described as arbiters of fate. They are drawn to those who attempt to alter destiny's course and ensure they do not."
Tifa - "And you're saying that flow is somehow...fixed?
Red - "Yes. For it is the will of the planet itself."

Barret then speaks about possible bad fates. And Red XIII says this:

Barret - "So if we're destined for a bleak future, these Whispers will try to keep us on that course?"

"....Now wait just a damn minute. How in the hell could you possibly know any of that? Spouting that cryptic stuff -- which could all be bullshit!"

Red - "When Aerith reached out to me...I found this knowledge of the Whispers."

In the previous thread, we explained how Aerith has been messing with the Lifestream by mistakenly using the White Materia to obtain information she has no business knowing. The Whispers are simply reacting to her blatant misuse of this, and act to correct it.
This is very consistent, even in Pt1. The Whispers in Remake ONLY appear when someone is either:

1. Using forbidden knowledge from the Lifestream
2. Manipulating events by sharing forbidden knowledge from the lifestream
3. When something foreign attempts to force its will on the lifestream

This is the only time they act. But the THIRD one is the most important. I'm going to go through a few examples in Remake and show exactly what's happening that is causing the Whispers to intervene, and explicitly why.
After I show you this, please go back and watch videos of all these sorts of events in Remake. You will see exactly what I mean.
Okay, buckle up kids!

Violation #1 Using forbidden knowledge from the Lifestream

Watching the first appearance of Aerith in Remake gives us full clarity of what's actually happening.
Aerith is attacked by an invisible force.
Aerith is being attacked by Whispers. This is because she possesses the White Materia, and has constant access to knowledge she isn't supposed to have. They are taking it from her.
Thing to note here. Cloud cannot see the whispers. This is because he is not violating any of the 3 rules.
Sephiroth makes an appearance here.
The appearance of the \"Mental Static\" used in both Remake and Rebirth
This is a Red Herring...in fact, this is THREE brilliantly placed Red Herrings. Because the "Memory Static" that appears here belongs to both Cloud AND Aerith, and serves to confuse you on what it actually means.

1. Aerith sees Cloud, and immediately gains knowledge about them both that she is not supposed to know. Also, if you pay attention, Aerith is NOT frozen during this sequence. This is her scene just as much as it is Cloud's.
2. Cloud has yet another vision of Sephiroth, caused by his Jenova cells. This is a huge misdirection, to eventually make you think Sephiroth is popping up in places he "shouldn't be."
3. This is where Remake starts to fuck with your head. They're using the same memory effect for two different characters, for two different reasons. But the result is essentially the same -- the characters involved are having their perception altered. Remake does NOT distinguish between static caused by Holy or static caused by Jenova. They are treated equally in Remake.

The biggest red herring here though is Sephiroth.
It SEEMS unnatural that Sephiroth is appearing here, this early in the game. But it isn't unnatural -- Cloud is plagued by these visions all the time in this continuity. This is why the game gave us a Sephiroth appearance immediately after the Bombing Mission.
Now. Notice how, despite being attacked by invisible whispers, Aerith mostly seems unbothered by this.
...Almost as if she's used to it. Similar to the way Cloud is equally used to visions of Sephiroth. They BOTH carry on with the conversation as though NOTHING has happened.
The game is explicitly showing you that both of these occurrences are seen as normal for these characters. Suggesting that they have actually been dealing with them for much longer than you would think.
Aerith has another Whisper attack. Cloud is once again very confused, until this happens:
Cloud's violation of #1 through contact with Aerith
Aerith touches Cloud.
We learn later that Aerith touching you gives you knowledge you're not supposed to have. Thus, Cloud is now in violation of Rule #1 -- Forbidden Knowledge. He can now observe whispers for the rest of the story.

Violation #2 Manipulating events by sharing forbidden knowledge from the lifestream

The Church Scene is a great example of this. In fact, most of the moments in Rebirth involve Aerith doing this to some degree.
The White Materia is explicitly the cause of the Whisper Attack in the church, and the game goes out of its way to make it very obvious.
Cloud Memory Static, this time it's Holy, not Jenova. (I don't have enough attachments to spell this out, so please go look at the scene after you read this.)
This is another VERY good example of Remake fucking with your head.

• Aerith brings up her White Materia in conversation
• Cloud looks at the back of Aerith's head. He has a memory static attack, and then immediately has a vision of the White Materia.
• Cloud ignores this phenoemon, because things fucking with his head is completely normal to him. He doesn't skip a beat, and suggests Aerith just doesn't know how to use it.
• Aerith playfully agrees.

The Red Herring here is obvious -- the vision of Aerith's Death. Yes, it was a vision of her death. But her death wasn't the important information the game was showing you in this scene. The White Materia was.
Regardless, the whispers did not intervene here, despite Cloud obviously glimpsing forbidden knowledge.
So why DID they intervene?
\"...Huh?\" - Cloud
Because Aerith couldn't keep her mouth shut.

1. She tells Reno that Cloud is her bodyguard. He isn't. Reno is.
2. She exposed that he was a Soldier. Reno explicitly does not like Soldiers.
3. She already knew that Cloud was doing mercenary work, and used this to persuade him.

Cloud told her none of this information. But it caught Reno's attention. And what was the result?

*Sizes Cloud up*

"Well, you're weird enough to be one."
\"What Class are you?\"
Reno doubts Cloud's Identity as a First Class Ex-Soldier. And Cloud violently reacts to protect it.
The whispers stopped Cloud from killing Reno, NOT because Reno survives in the OG game...but because Reno's life wouldn't even be at risk here if Aerith didn't instigate this fight.
And just like the Flower scene, Remake actually sets this one up with prior character information too. -- Cloud was shown from the beginning of the game to be prone to extreme violence. He would have also executed Johnny without Tifa's intervention. So we KNOW he would have killed Reno if the Whispers didn't intervene.
Hopefully you're beginning to see a pattern here.
Here is the most obvious example of this rule triggering the Whispers.
Aerith attempting to stop Barret from doing something....
In this scene, we see Aerith clearly knows something she isn't supposed to. She wants to share with Barret that killing the President isn't a good idea...And the whispers immediately appear, threatening her to stop. By this point, Aerith is beginning to become aware of why the whispers are harassing her so much.
I covered this scene in my last post, so I wont again...but this scene is crucial towards understanding what's happening in this game. Everyone should watch this scene again. Pay attention to what happens to Aerith the moment she says "Follow the Yellow Flowers". Aerith is clearly not herself as she says this. It's almost as if someone possessed her to say it. And the Whispers absolutely swarm her as a result.

Violation #3 -- When something foreign attempts to force its will on the lifestream

And here we go. The one that caused like 90% of the confusion in Remake. To be fair, this could only really be understood in hindsight after playing Rebirth.
There are many cases in Remake where the Whispers do something that seems...odd, given their explanations as arbiters of fate. Like attacking Sector 7, silencing Hojo, or literally helping Sephiroth at the end of the game. This is because although it's clearly whispers doing it...in Remake there is no visual indication of which Will any given Whispers serve -- The Planet, or Jenova's.
They all LOOK the same.
But they absolutely ARE NOT the same -- they are separate (black and white), just like in Rebirth.
But Remake included subtle clues as a nod to this reveal in Rebirth.
The Whisper Attack on Sector 7
This is another situation where you're expected to believe that the whispers are causing a ruckus because Cloud isn't going on the second bombing mission with Avalanche. Which is something we know he does in the OG game.
But that's just because we likely misinterpreted the clues that lead up to this moment that explain exactly why this is happening : The white whispers are attempting to correct the deliberate isolation of the main party by the black whispers.
A whisper is seen lurking around in Sector 7 the day before this happens. It's extremely easy to miss.
A whisper was present in Seventh Heaven. This was shown immediately after Barret told Cloud he wasn't on the next mission and has to leave.
See...if you're comparing Remake to the OG, then this whisper shown here is 100% going to force you to misinterpret what it's doing here.
In Seventh Heaven, multiple things happen that result in a break up of the entire main party.

1. Tifa is feeling anxious about the next mission. Jesse goes out of her way to voice concerns about her involvement, leading to her getting kicked off the team for the mission.
2. Jesse then tries to aim to get Cloud placed on the team instead. Barret refuses to do this because he "doesn't want the team leaning on him."
3. Barret pays Cloud, tells him he isn't wanted on the next mission, and kicks him out the bar.
4. A whisper will literally stop you from entering Seventh Heaven again after this happens to make sure you can't fix it.

The side mission with Jesse happens.....and then this.
A whisper with Sephiroth's voice trying to keep Cloud sleep
A Whisper with Sephiroth's voice approaches Cloud in the morning. He wants him to sleep through Barret, Jesse, and Biggs going on the mission. This would have likely isolated Barret, resulting in his death. Something Jenova tries again towards the end of the game.
She really does not want Barret to stay alive, because he is the glue of Avalanche, and the main reason the events of the story begin the way they do. Cloud also likely never would have met Aerith in the church.
Jenova's whispers are trying to prevent Cloud, Tifa, Aerith, and Barret from getting together. This event would have succeeded in separating all of them.
That's why the whispers are at war with one another.
The Black ones are trying to isolate you. The white ones are correcting their meddling.
The game even STOPS you mid-combat to bring attention to the fact that the Black Whispers are being exposed.
Black Whisper being made vulnerable by something external

• You don't have to do anything to these whispers for this to happen.
• The entire screen gains a Static Memory effect....as though Cloud is being shown the truth. He even comments on it.
• After they go vulnerable, they become Black/Purple until they die.

They stop attacking after a whisper manages to isolate and injure Jesse, at which point the battle is over and all whispers leave.
And of course....there's most obvious example of this kind of massive violation from Remake....The Infamous Chapter 18.
But that's gonna have to wait for another post.
I'm out of attachments again.

TL;DR : FF7R is messing with your head.

Aerith using the White Materia in Remake is literally going through the events of the story the exact same way the player did -- with "forbidden knowledge" about how things are "supposed to be".
In Rebirth, the White Materia is empty. She no longer has knowledge of what's "supposed to happen", and thus has to accept that whatever happens, happens. This is why the "The Journey is Unknown." Not because the party killed the whispers, therefore the writers can do whatever they want. But because Aerith hid her knowledge of the future (Holy) from herself. She used to be able to know what was going to happen. Now she can't. The real Meta thing is that FF7R only really starts to make sense when you willingly abandon what you thought you already knew about the story. Those who look with clouded eyes see nothing but shadows.
Now go back through Remake with the new perspective and tell me that everything doesn't make way more sense.
Also, please tell me im crazy so I can stop writing these.
Otherwise, stay tuned for pt3 -- The Black Materia.
....Oh. One final hilarious mindblowing. Remember this?

This is where Remake starts to fuck with your head. They're using the same memory effect for two different characters, for two different reasons. But the result is essentially the same -- the characters involved are having their perception altered.
Remake does NOT distinguish between static caused by Holy or static caused by Jenova. They are treated equally in Remake.

Rebirth DOES distinguish the visual effects of memory alteration.
But only for the player.
Cloud still can't tell the difference.

I've come here to see if I can get more perspective to save my marriage. My wife and I are high school sweethearts, and we've been together for about six years now. There's a few major issues she's having, and it finally reached a breaking point about two days ago. She's to the point where she's asked for a divorce, but I begged her to let me try to fix the problems. She's asked me to leave and give her time to think in the meantime.
For a little more context, we're both from NY, and we're two years apart as seen above. When we got together I was wrapping up my senior year of HS and getting ready to head to college, and she was heading into her junior year. For the first two years of the relationship, we were practically long distance. She couldn't be open about being with me because of her home life, but at that point we loved each other already, and we made it work. We both struggled in our childhoods, and have our own mental health struggles, which has led to both of us having major communication issues. Back then it was much worse on both sides, but over time we tried to learn to be better about it. She has definitely grown more than I have in that department, which I didn't realize the true extent of until everything spiraled.
I dropped out of college just before covid started, while she was still in her senior year of high school. I spiraled into a deep depression, but she didn't really see the full extend of it since we spent so little time together still. When we were together, I was so happy to be spending time with her it was like everything was ok. This still put a lot of strain on our relationship, but we loved each other, so it felt like we just powered through. I didn't ask for help like I should have, both from her and from my family. I've always had a very hard time admitting I have issues, and I hurt the people I care about by doing it. I spent the first half of the year like this, until I got a steady job, and the stability helped level me back out. At the end of the year, I convinced her to move out of her parents house for the sake of her mental health. I picked her up and brought her to her best friends house, and she bounced around places to stay for the next couple of months.
She's the hardest working person I've ever met, so she was hitching rides to a restaurant to work while still finishing up her first semester of college. I did what I could to try to support her, but staying with my parents, I couldn't just invite her in to stay. During this time, she reconnected with her family that she had been forced to cut contact with by her mother. This aunt and uncle acted as her mother and father figure growing up, and their daughters are like her sisters. They're both grown up and moved out of the house, so her parents were empty nesters. That is, until they invited us to come stay with them. On a whim, we decided we would move across the country with them to get away from the trauma of the past, and give ourselves an opportunity for a fresh start.
When we first moved, I was having a very hard time. It was the first time I'd been so far from home, about 22-26 hours, and we were both having a hard time finding jobs. It got to the point where I sprialed into another depression. I know it was wrong, but I practically gave up on finding a job, while she got one working for Walgreens. I didn't do much of anything, I was lazy and didn't help around the house. It wasn't expected of me, but it bothered her a lot that I was just taking and taking. It wasn't fair of me to any of them to not try to better our situation, and it definitely put more strain on our relationship than I should have allowed. She was very stressed about getting money together so we didn't have to rely on their help, and I just didn't care like I should have. A few months later, she got me a job at another Walgreens store. I only lasted ~5 months, but I transitioned into my first sales job a few weeks after I quit. This helped us move into our first apartment, but as it was throughout the whole relationship, she was the one who had saved up enough for us to actually do it.
I wouldn't say we ever fight, but we had our first big emotional discussion since we had moved south on our way home from Christmas with her sister in 21. I didn't want to admit it at the time, but I was having a very hard time spending the holidays without my family. I didn't think anything of it, but I was talking down to her basically the whole week we were there. Her family all commented on it to her, and told her she deserved better, which I know she does. We cried so much on that drive home, but she put it all out on the table, and I told her I would be more mindful of how I spoke to her. I never meant to hurt her, but that doesn't excuse the way I was acting. I thought I had gotten better about it, but she told me I still do it to her, and I make her feel like she's lesser than me, even though she's always been the driven one and the provider in our relationship.
Fast forward to this spring year. We haven't had any huge issues since the one I just mentioned, and we've taken big steps in our life. We spent a year in an apartment, and then we bought our first home together just over a year ago. I jumped into the car business from my year in sales at att, and I had gone from earning double what I made at att in 23, to making next to nothing this year. I hit my breaking point, and I quit my job. I thought I could take a week off and collect myself, but being out of a routine spiraled me into a deep depression. This was the worst I've ever been mentally while we've lived together. This put all the burden on her shoulders, both financially and emotionally. She tried her heart out to help me, but I just couldn't admit that something was wrong, the same problem I've had time and time again. This is where she hit her breaking point with me. In her words, she felt helpless seeing me like that, and she grew to resent me for what I put her through and what I was doing. I did remote work for about a week, but I hated it so much it was drastically effecting me. She told me not to worry about it and just quit, but this put more burden back on her shoulders. She had to go back to worrying about me, and me being more depressed. It lasted about a month from me leaving my first car dealership, to me starting at the one I'm currently at.
Now, to where the bomb went off. She spent 2-3 weeks being incredibly distant, and she wouldn't really talk to me. She would make little excuses about not wanting to talk or touch me, and it really started to bother me. But, I was stupid, and I tried to give her space. I finally snapped on Wednesday night, and said she was acting like she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. That was because it was true. She had talked to a therapist, and she said that my wife had disconnected herself from the relationship completely when the resentment grew. All the little things I do wrong became more clear to her. I thought I had gotten better about the way I speak to her, but I still make her feel like less than me, even though she has fought so hard to support us. I don't pull enough weight around the house, even though I felt like I was putting more effort in. I couldn't handle her telling me she thought we should get a divorce, so I got up and said I was going for a drive to calm down. She was terrified I would hurt myself, she still loves me despite everything I've put her through. I got home about an hour later to her pacing outside. We went to sleep in separate rooms that night because I couldn't stop thinking about how awful I felt while I was laying next to her.
The next morning we had a much longer conversation. We both cried and cried, but she told me she thinks we want different things for our future. She wants to bust her ass to be the best at whatever she ends up doing with her college degree, but she feels I'm just coasting. I've been trying to change careers for about six months now, but I've had no real luck outside of finding opportunities at other dealerships. She said she wants kids, which we had agreed for a long time we did not want. We have five dogs, and I got a vasectomy a year and a half ago. I told her I think we should talk to someone about why I don't want kids, I think something snapped in me growing up that changed my mind on the idea. She said it wasn't her problem to figure out why I don't want kids. I begged her to try couples therapy with me, but she said I should have listened to her saying it sooner. I've always had such a hard time opening up to anyone, and the same happened when I tried therapy on my own. I thought it was a waste of time then because of it, and I told her I thought it would just end up the same again. I know that doesn't make it right, but it just hurts so much hearing her saying it like that.
I've had two mental breakdowns over the course of these last few days. The first was on Thursday, while she was asleep. I shaved my head, when I've openly told her several times I hate having my head shaved. I think I did it so I could feel like I was in control of something going wrong in my life, even though it was just a stupid thing to do.she walked in to me sitting on the floor in the bathroom like this, and I ended up crying hysterically in her arms. I just can't believe she wants to leave me when we love each other so much, which she still confirms despite all the things she's said. In that moment, it completely broke me. She was so scared she made me go to the hospital, making her relive past trauma. It wasn't fair for me to put hwr through that, but I completely lost control. By the time I saw a doctor, I had collected myself. I told them what happened, but everything was fine now. I don't know why I thought lying like that would help, but it got me out of the hospital I so desperately didn't want to be in. She dropped me off at home, but she immediately had to head to work. I turned my phone off to ignore all the concerned calls and texts from my family and went to sleep.
I woke up at 4:30 that morning, and I couldn't handle what I was processing from the days before. I got up to get something to drink, but I really just ended up sitting blank faced on the kitchen floor. I bashed my head off one of the cabinets, like I used to do when I was a frustrated child. It woke her up, and she came out to see if I was ok. I had another breakdown when she came out. I told her I was sorry for trying to hurt myself, but it hurt that I did it when I told her I wouldn't. I was able to collect myself this time, but the damage was done. I went to therapy that afternoon, and it honestly helped me a lot when I was able to tell the therapist what had happened. I talked to my wife afterwards, and she said she was proud of me for being able to open up like that for the first time.
Originally we were going to spend the night apart so she could have more time to think, but she changed her mind after my therapy went well. We had another long talk, and she had decided she wants to end things. She wants to be treated better, she wants someone that has more desires for the future, and she doesn't think I could be the father of her children. I'm fighting so God damn hard to get on the path to bettering myself and our relationship, but she's convinced it's too late. I talked her out of divorcing yet, but she wants time to think more about it. She wants me to move back in with my family and show her I'm serious about bettering myself. I'm worried that if I leave, I'll be putting the nail in the coffin. She's the love of my life, how do I save this?
Upon finishing this, I've realized it's way longer than I intended it to be, and it took me an hour and a half to dump all this. If anyone actually reads all this, thank you. I'm sorry if my grammar was awful, I started typing this again 2:30am because I woke up and I couldn't sleep thinking about this.

Like the title says, my (22F) boyfriend (22M) is extremely rude and yells at me for pretty much nothing. We have been together for a year and a half. He has always been short fused and he is often irritated, even by little things that do not bother me at all. He expresses his anger through yelling at me or being extremely rude and saying whatever comes to his mind, without the slightest bit of consideration that his words might hurt me.
Other than his anger issues though, I would like to add, he is pretty much perfect. He is sweet, caring, goofy, he loves me, listens to me and is a gentleman, except that he changes into a completely different person when he is even slightly mad. He is neurodivergent though, so I try to understand him most of the time. However, this has been really hurting me. I am a highly sensitive person and completely dislike rude people. If anyone else in my life would treat me the way he does when he is angry, I would totally cut them off my life or at least distance myself from them. But its him. The person I love with my whole heart.
Yesterday, we had an amazing day together. We had lots of fun, we sang songs, kissed and cuddled for hours, laughed till our stomachs hurt and played video games together. I was really happy. We both work part time jobs and have early morning classes too, so after our day together, we left for the job and then to our respective homes (We don't live together yet). By 10 pm, I was extremely tired and was fighting to keep my eyes open. He works later than me so I was waiting for him to finish up so we could say good night to each other. We always talk on the phone before going to sleep.
However, since the last few days, he told me that he's been feeling sleep deprived, is tired throughout the day and has no energy in his body, so we'd decided to not extend our late-night calls and try to get at least 6 hours of sleep, since we have to get up at 5 am each day for our classes (We study the same course, and that's how we met). Even yesterday, when we were together, he had told me he was tired and felt sleepy.
Sooo, last night, I could barely keep my eyes open but didn't want to go to sleep without talking to him. So I left him a text saying "Too tired, feel like I'll fall asleep. Do call me when its time for you to sleep so we can say goodnight. I'll probably won't hear the text notification" he saw the text and didn't reply.
I actually fell asleep and he didn't call me. He left me a text saying his phone was low on battery. I somehow woke up because of the sound of the notification and asked him if he wanted to talk. He said yes, and I called him. Now, I didn't want to keep him up all night. All I wanted was to ask him how work went and say goodnight. It probably would've taken five minutes. Ffs, I was tired too and I'd WOKEN up from my sleep to talk to him for a few minutes.
As soon as he answers the phone, I asked him how work went and he yells "Didn't you say you were tired?" and I am like... "What's wrong with you? Why are you mad?" and he says "I am not mad, but you said you were sleepy" and I reply "I am, but I also wanted to say good night to you" and the conversation goes on like:
"But we had decided to go to sleep early" he YELLS this like he is talking to a child.
"Dude I just wanted to say good night. Why did you say I could call if you didn't wanna talk?"
"Oh, so I shouldn't have picked up the call? Is that what you wanted?"
"No, but all I am trying to do here is have a simple, short conversation. Why do you wanna argue with me?"
"I do not wanna argue, I thought we were going to go to bed early"
"Alright then, hang up and go to sleep"
he argues back "NO, YOU HANG UP"
"Don't do this right now okay? If you don't wanna talk to me, I'll just go. I'll even deactivate my socials and won't annoy you again" I realize this was dramatic but I was extremely hurt at this point, he was constantly yelling at me.
"Do whatever tf you want to do. I don't care"
"I am hanging up too"
"I don't care"
So I hung up and cried myself to sleep. I was hoping he would call me back but he didn't. Not even once. I think he was irritated because he was running on lack of sleep, but that doesn't mean he gets to take his frustration out on me. Even I get irritated at times, but I still try to be gentle with him, to not accidentally say or do anything that might hurt him. But he doesn't consider me or my feelings at all. After the call, he probably blissfully went to sleep, while I couldn't, and just an hour ago, I had been fighting to keep my eyes open. He didn't even care. He probably didn't even realize how hurt I was by his sudden change in behavior. I even deactivated my instagram.
This morning, I waited for him to apologize for being rude to me but he hasn't yet. He replied normally to a snap I had sent him before the argument and has vanished since then. Is it too much to expect if I just want him to realize his mistake here and say sorry for hurting me? If he really just wanted to sleep, he could've told me in a better way. A simple text saying "We'll talk later, I am really tired right now. Good night" would've been perfect. It was so easy. But he decided he would rather yell at me and make me feel stupid and like I am asking for too much by asking five minutes of his time. After this I will never feel comfortable asking for his time or calling him.
Now, should I wait for him to apologize?
Or start behaving normal again since he did do what he did out of irritation and frustration? But does that give him a free pass to treat me horribly and make me cry?
Or should I send him a long paragraph expressing how he hurt me and how he should've communicated better? But shouldn't he realize it on his own? Every time we fight, I always run upto him expressing my feelings and explaining how he hurt me, but this time, I just don't feel like it. Sometimes, I want to be understood too.
What should I do?
TLDR: Boyfriend yelled at me and made me feel stupid for wanting to have a conversation with him and now is acting as if everything's normal. How do I deal with this?

INFJ male internal state of mind:
My stomach churned, a familiar knot tightening with each insistent beat of my heart. "There it is again," I thought, the voice in my head dripping with cynicism. "It's happening again." The fear, that cold dread that had haunted past relationships, threatened to consume me. Was Christina just another chapter in this awful cycle? Would she, like the others, eventually grow tired of my emotional baggage and the walls I built around myself?
Doubt gnawed at me, replaying past conversations, searching for inconsistencies, for hidden meanings that confirmed my deepest fears. Had her compliments been genuine, or simply a prelude to the inevitable disappointment? Was her laughter truly because of me, or just a mask for a growing frustration? The more I overanalyzed, the more distorted reality became.
The familiar tremor started in my fingers, a cold sweat prickling my palms as I reached for my phone. With each passing second, the silence from Christina stretched into an eternity, fueling the relentless voice in my head. "See? This is it. She's lost interest, just like all the others." The past echoed in my ears, a chorus of failed connections and emotional goodbyes. Was Christina simply the next verse in this melancholic song?
My thumb hovered over the screen, dreading what I might find – a curt message, a strained explanation, or worse, radio silence. Finally, taking a fortifying breath, I unlocked the phone and braced myself. But instead of the emptiness I expected, a single notification bloomed on the screen: "New message from Christina."
A flicker of hope ignited in my chest, a fragile flame battling the storm of doubt. With trembling fingers, I opened the message, each word a lifeline thrown across the churning sea of my anxieties. As I read her letter, her words washed over me, a soothing balm on my troubled soul.
My breath caught in my throat as I reread the letter. It wasn't just the playful teasing about my outlandish theories; it was the warmth in her words, the effortless way she connected with me on a deeper level. The anxieties began to recede, replaced by a wave of reassurance. This wasn't a cold goodbye, it was an invitation, a reminder of the unique bond we shared.
Shame washed over me for letting my self-doubt cloud my perception. Christina wasn't another casualty of my past, she actively cared, nurturing our connection with simple gestures. A wave of gratitude crashed over me, a silent thank you for her patience and understanding.
Taking a deep breath, I felt a newfound resolve. My old wounds might still ache, but Christina's letter was a testament to her unwavering support. With a newfound lightness in my step, I typed a response, pouring my heart out, vowing to be more open and honest with her. Maybe, just maybe, with open communication and a little trust, this time truly could be different.
Thoughts, entj ladies?

It starts of following multiple people; a pair of cops, an alcoholic woman, and a man who can camouflage his skin color like a octopus, and a fat man. There is genetic modification in this book as well as a virus or epidemic going around as the plot point. I read this book maybe around 2010-2013 it had a very shiny book cover that was blue and white where I think the white was the name of the book and authors name and that part was slightly raised. I remember buying it at a dollar general with the spinning racks of books for maybe 5 dollars. I read this book like 5 times because it was so confusing and I think that's why I remember so much but can't quite put it together. The cover also might have been an picture of earth but I'm not sure I just remember if light hit that book at a certain angle it would shine. It was a paperback book that was really thick must have been like 500 pages it wasn't long more short and wide.
• The pair of cops are both male. One is an older overweight married man and the the other a younger fit male. The younger guy comments about how the older male should watch his weight since if he is found to be overweight he will be sent to this type of encampment rehabilitation type thing where he will have to lose the weight. He also seems to hint that his figure gaining this much weight is due to his wife's cooking and the cop not looking out for his figure. The older cop does not go to the encampment thing for his weight in the end.
• The alcoholic woman is in a messy apartment surrounded by empty bottles of alchol hiding when she is taken by force by some type of law enforcement. The sent her to the encampment rehabilitation type thing to solve her drinking problems. She is described to be very thin and have pink hair and has been sent to this rehabilitation camp multiple times. She seems angry because she knows that the only reason she is sent this time was because of the person in charge of the encampment so that might mean there is a limit to how many times they can go. The girl ends up being called to the person in charges office, during the physical exercise time, were she proceeds to have sex with him and it is discovered he had her sent here so he can keep seeing her. While they are in the office people rush in and say there is a weird fog approaching that's affecting everyone. She runs away somehow with the fat guy from the camp to the area where his parents live because that area seems to not yet be affected.i think the cop pair shows up for a brief part when the camp was about to be affected but I'm not sure.
• The camouflage guy I don't thing was sent to the encampment thing but he did seem to be hiding from the cop pair earlier. He did have daddy issues since his dad was a magician and used to use the camouflage ability of his as a part of his act but when his son couldn't control his well and his comflouage colors changed based on his mood he would get mad. So to hide in society he uses face or body paint since he can't control his camouflage skills well.
• The fat man seems to be a recluse he gets sent to the encampment thing to lose weight. During the encampment he stares a lot at the alcoholic girl will they do physical exercise and she straight up asks him if he wants to fuck her. His parents are also well of in this sorta gated community. His mother is a scientist or bioengineer. His dad I don't remember to well what he does but he plays a big part in solving the epidemic that spreads.
We find out later the mother is part of the cause of the disease. The father finds out the gated community is producing these intelligent generation of kids by genetically modifying them when they are still in the womb. The are ranked the top out if all schools no one is below a certain level in that school and if they are they get kicked out (might be just the school or even the gated community I don't remember). Somehow though there is this virus in a test tube that is the cause of it and I believe she is on the team to find the cure. The husband tries to get into her work building and talks with the wife's boss, once inside, and is held at gunpoint while the boss turns out to be evil and explains why this is happening but they end up in a fight the husband ends up shooting the boss fatally. The boss does not instantly die but pees his dress pants and says he doesn't want to die. The husband moves on to the lab of his wife and she is in a hazmat suit with the vial of the virus in her hand. I believe she's alone I don't know if it's because she was left alone or everyone else died on the research team. Stuff happens as they confront each other but I remember for some reason she takes of her hazmat suit to save him for some reason. Than it does a time jump were it seems to imply the man was able to live a very long life (thanks to bioengineering) and is pushed in a wheelchair by a pink haired girl (not sure if it's the alcoholic girl or her decendant). It also implies he is the savior of humanity. No one else from before is mentioned this time jump was about a page and that's it most of it is very vague.
Please help me find this. The amount of times I've tried to find this and have come up empty makes me feel like I legitimately just made this up.

Even if there isnt any chance of me having sepsis or going septic, if someone can help pinpoint what i could have until i can get to a doctor, thatd be amazing. 19F, 171lbs, 5’5. I take a multi vitamin and Benadryl for allergies. Physical health wise I’ve been diagnosed with anemia and hemophilia since 2018, lab results from May 2023 confirmed both of those still but i havent been to my doctor since then (im horrible, my dr moved and im terrified of doctors but im now learning ive gotta get over that). Other than that and where my really bad issues start i went to the ER in mid April, i think the 18/19th because i had extreme pain in my lower right abdomen that continued getting worse and spreading throughout my stomach which got diagnosed as enter-colitis (enteritis and colitis). I stuck to the BRAT diet until i felt safe enough to switch (they told me at min. 3 days i believe i carried it for at least 5). I’d like to say ive been super mindful of my diet ever since but its already hard for me to eat anyways so when i want something, i dont really deny myself that because i dont really eat much in the first place. This is where im gonna note i have a lot of the same symptoms as gastroparesis, if any further explaination on this would help ill be happy to give it. May 31st from 2-3am i puked 4 times, no blood. I will say i took a couple of shots but only enough to feel buzzed, not drunk, i also havent drank since Sept. last year as im not a big drinker however i do smoke weed when i need to eat or else i feel sick, and before i sleep. I know both of those can mess with you gut health so i figure its worth mentioning. But the whole reason i felt so nauseous anyways is because i felt like i needed to shit so bad but i just couldnt so i guess puking was the second better option for stomach relief. For a while it truly did make my stomach feel better id say around 2pm (May 31st) is when my stomach started bothering me again like it does almost daily, it gets hard for me to eat or be hungry, i also do think shaking thing a lot that could either be low blood sugar or what i mainly think it is, POTS, and i just dont shit a lot (partly why i think i have gastroparesis is literally because i do have delayed gastric emptying) even when i do its never like a normal one and its almost always at least somewhat painful to do so. As of right now, June 1st 3am, the whole left side of my stomach hurts like hell, when i used the bathroom earlier there was bright red blood in my stool, and this is going to sound dramatic as hell but it feels like my stomach acid it actually burning my stomach, chest, and throat. I wont go into a lot detail unless needed but id also like to note from 2019-2022 i had multiple eating disorders mainly starving myself and purging where i abused laxatives like crazy (would eat a full laxative chocolate bar in a day). Ive also overdosed on ibuprofen, tylenol, midol, and benadryl and didnt go to the hospital afterwards id just make myself throw up. Not to pity party or make this dark but as ive grown up i’ve realized that i probably brought all these stomach issues upon myself as all those things are fucking horrible for your stomach! Any and all help is appreciated and if any questions need to be asked i will literally answer anything. if anyone thinks its ok to wait longer ill probably just make an appt with my pcp but if its something urgent ill go to first care or if pain or blood in stool get too much worse ill definitely go to the ER.