POSITIVES
*Kyle MacLachlan. No matter what role he plays, he commits to it absolutely and is always very engaging to watch.
*I was very happy with how the show handled Bobby, Hawk, the Log Lady, Andy, Lucy, Ed, Nadine, Norma, MIKE and Shelly.
*The atmosphere was very strong, and I liked the idea of reality breaking down around the characters. The visual and audio editing was superb.
*Andy's visit to the Fireman's place (the White Lodge?) was such an amazing moment of the mundane encountering the supernatural. I never expected him of all people to end up there.
*The Log Lady's death was extraordinarily well written.
*I was very impressed with Robert Forster as Frank Truman. Replacing Harry with a random new brother sounds so cheap, yet somehow it worked perfectly.
*I really liked Naomi Watts' performance as Janey-E. Of all the newcomers, she was my favourite.
*The evolution of the arm was so fucking awesome. Way to make lemonade out of lemons.
MIXED
*Although I enjoyed Dougie and Demon Coop as characters, their storylines eventually started to feel like Lynch just wanted to make two extra movies without bothering with studio negotiations, so he just squeezed them into his Twin Peaks show.
*Demon Coop in particular was really oddly utilised. I would have thought the whole point of having a doppelganger is to make use of the fact that he looks like someone else. Him raping Diane is the one thing I would EXPECT Demon Coop to do. To me, it would've worked better if he stayed in Twin Peaks and committed acts of evil against people Cooper has a connection with.
*I really enjoyed the dynamic between Gordon Cole and Albert (my personal interpretation is that Cole has kept him close out of fear of losing the last agent he has a connection with). But nothing they did was very interesting. I wanted to see them actually discover the Black Lodge and maybe share a few more scenes with Demon Coop. It was cool when they brought Tammy into the fold, but then she does absolutely nothing.
*The Audrey Dance was a delight, and I thought Charlie's actor was hilarious. That aside, her storyline was a disgrace.
*I felt the Roadhouse band-of-the-week thing was kinda silly. Nice music, though.
*I didn't necessarily miss Annie's character, but I wish Coop at least asked about her and showed some emotion instead of suddenly being into Diane now.
*Speaking of her, Laura Dern gave a good performance, but I really can't imagine her as Coop's secretary.
*A few of the original characters seemed to just kinda be there, namely Ben, Jerry, Dr Jacoby and James. The actors did fine with what they were given (I especially loved that first scene between Jerry and BROTHER BEN), but the material wasn't there. Jacoby's transformation into an alt-right commentator was mildly funny, but could've gone a lot further than the occasional monologue.
NEGATIVES
*The narrative was very weak, consisting mostly of overconvoluted lore and shameless retconning. Nothing that they introduced here was as compelling or worth exploring as the threat of Bob and the Black Lodge in the original show.
*I was surprised how minimal Bob's involvement was. I know Frank Silva is sadly no longer with us, but Ray Wise proved that the character can be magnificent even without him.
*I no longer understood what our characters were fighting for and why, so it was difficult to care. The show was far too obtuse for my personal tastes. Despite how ambiguous the original could be, they made Bob into a visceral and real threat whom we hated for hurting characters we liked. Judy is barely a concept, and Demon Coop spends most of the show wandering around America killing random one-off characters. It just didn't have the same impact.
*The British guy with the green glove is the single dumbest thing in any Twin Peaks story.
*I did not need to see Dougie have sex.
*As a fan of the Windom Earle character, I didn't appreciate his total erasure from the canon (not even a member of Blue Rose??).
CONCLUSION
Overall, I felt that Twin Peaks: The Return was experimental and intriguing, but not a good Twin Peaks story or a standalone piece of art.
I have to emphasise again that I went in knowing that it would have a different tone, that it would focus on other characters, that Cooper wasn't in it much. All of that I can live with. It can be its own thing whether I like it or not.
But centering the entire story around a minute-long cameo from David Bowie in a spin-off prequel film and pretending that this was what Coop, Briggs and Cole were working on the entire time during the original show confounds me. It's like Lynch and Frost want The Return to be a follow-up to some idealised version of the 1990 Twin Peaks where they had full control. A sequel to a show that doesn't exist. They want people to care about their version of the story, not the story that was aired. And that's just sad.
This dependence on the original lore and characters means it cannot be its own thing. But it's also completely ignoring how that lore and those characters used to function on a fundamental level, preventing it from being a good Twin Peaks story. So to me, it just doesn't come together. You can say "reality is breaking apart" and "who is the dreamer", but as a viewer, I'm not satisfied purely by Lynch's half-sleepy musings. Why bother building up these characters and this world in the first place if that's all that matters?
The only interpretation that makes even halfway sense to me is that both Cooper and Laura are still trapped in the Black Lodge, and all of season 3 is just their demented fever dream as they slowly realise they can never leave. But that's hardly worth a whole season of television.

Hello everyone, I am a 18M turning 19 soon ( Going to University) and the person in question is already 19F ( Not going to Uni because of VISA problem). I have social communication disorder and I’m not particularly good at social dilemma. I have already done a lot of research on how to move forward but I figure I should also post on reddit as well to get some more tailor advice and input from strangers.
There is this particular girl I meet in high school at 8th grade that I really enjoyed talking to ever since I meet her. I really liked her, from our chemistry together to our similar immigrant backgrounds ( I am Chinese who is born in Vietnam, and she is Filipino. We both went to private school back in our country and in similar socioeconomic backgrounds.) to how she looks sort of like me ( Same eyes, same nose, and I also have some feminine facial features). She also are interested in similar subjects as I am, as we’re both into really into Jungian Psychology, and we’re into East Asian pop culture ( Although I am more interested in Anime while she is interested in K-pop). While there is some differences between us, for instance I am more self contained and analytical ( Very INTJ) she is less so and more carefree than I was. Perhaps because we’re very similar to each other but slightly different enough, our chemistry really work well with each other. For instance, I am usually more serious and blunt while she sort of ease the tension a little bit and make our conversation more fun and less serious. Like a comedic duo. I really like her, which is why I confessed to her in tenth grade. I am very cautious and I thought I had great but not certain chance of success, that being said I was aware of the possibility she would rather stay friends. I confessed, gave her the next day to think about it. In the morning, she hesitantly told me she would give me a chance and I was ecstatic. But by lunch time, she said she didn’t want to date me anymore and her reason was that she’s not ready and in the right place to be dating just yet. I was sad and confused as I’m not too well aware what she is referring about but she said no and I still wanted to be friends with her so I said that it’s okay and we can still be friends. For the next 6-8 month we remain friend till the end of 10th grade. She told me she going to a private school, and at that point I thought I understood why she changed her mind at dating. I wished her the best, and said she has my instagram and we could hang out if we’re free. We said goodbye and we never hangout after that.
For almost two year during our 11th grade till the end of 12th grade, I honestly just forgot about her. I was busy with school, made new friends, and don’t really used instagram much and just didn’t really have an interested in talking to her. Life just happens, and I’m not really the person who get attached or fixated on someone and I don’t think she was either. On the 2nd of May 2024 ( Almost a month ago), we just randomly meet each other on a bus. Just a crazy coincidence really, I mean I don’t use SM much and didn’t really tell anyone my schedule so no way she was stalking me. We got talking again and we still have the same chemistry between us, and of course more importantly, she is still very attractive. We’re on friendly term and so I asked her why did she reject me in 10th grade. She gave me the same answer, and I confessed that I felt guilty because I didn’t know she had to move school and it was probably for the best she said no. It wasn’t awkward at all, she smiles a little I think. We kept talking after that, I even got off the bus early to keep talking to her. Then she told me to hide because her mom is really strict about her being with a boy. I thought what?? It’s 2024 and she is 19, what is she on about. But I still complied and there was a rock we just sat on and just kept on talking for two hours until it was dark. I probably could still talk to her another hour or two but she said she had “curfew” and can’t be home to late which I thought was really weird and honestly I didn’t process when she said that so I just replied okay and nod and said I really like talking to her and want to keep talking. But no instagram, I wanted her phone number. She gave me her phone number and we just hugged and said our goodbyes.
We decided next Saturday to hangout, and Saturday came and she had to abruptly canceled it. I told her it’s fine and we can just reschedule it. She left me on read. For two day. I am diagnosed with SPCD ( one way to view it is I have autism but only the social deficit parts of ASD), and I really thought I fucked up. I really start having an existential crisis because in the past I assume people were having a good time when they didn’t. And in my head, I really thought I was experiencing a different realm of reality than her. I thought our entire relationship was a lies I made up and that I had forced her to hangout with me. After all we never hang out outside of high school, she said no to my confession, I followed her out of the bus but she didn’t want me to know where she lived, I was the one who said to hang out on Saturday but she canceled abruptly. I wrote a very long text basically apologising, and saying that it’s okay and I won’t forced her to hangouts. A day later she replied saying oh don’t overthink it, and that she will replied properly. Then a week go by, absolutely nothing. See, what I don’t understand is she doesn’t go to school, has only a part time job, how is she replying so late? Then on the 8th day she replied. She said she is very sorry and that it was unacceptable and gave me the reassurance that I didn’t fuck up. She said she still wanted to see me. We set up another time to meet, over three week since I last saw her. I saw her around 5 day ago, and I went in wanting to ask so many questions but when I saw her, my brain were so conditioned that we just talk like how we always talk to each other. But I did learn one big thing, her family are Protestant Christian. I made small talk about that but didn’t ask any personal question. Then after that we just went to her house, and we just kept yapping and yapping in the living room. We had so much fun, we almost forgot I had to leave soon cause her mom is coming home. But fuck, I was supposed to confront her but we just ended up having so much fun. Idk how to feel anymore, the more I learn about her the more I realised what a pain in the ass she is, and the more I realise maybe I shouldn’t pursue a romantic relationship. I still really like her though…
But I am thinking maybe we should just remain friends, she really is not in the right space to date right now. Beside, I really don’t think she saw me as someone to date, very sad whomp whomp. Thinking of next time I see her I’ll just actually confront and clarify and set boundary in our relationship. If she see me as a friend then I’m happy too, but my penis is not very happy. If she does like me and seek to pursue a romantic relationship then I probably have a lot of work to do.
I don’t know when we will see each other again, I saw her five days ago. After we last saw each other, she said she had a lot of fun :D so I texted that I wanted to see her again. She left me on read for the last 5 days now.
If you guys have any advice, input, comment then leave it down below.

Welcome, everyone, to Day 1 of the 2021 in K-Pop rate! We are traveling back in time to a monumental year, both for K-Pop and for the entire world. We will be revealing the bottom 40 songs today.
Day 1 will begin at 9 AM Pacific, about ~3 hours from when this post goes up. For those following the song rate live during this time, we highly encourage you to follow both this post and the live chat on our community Discord: https://discord.gg/FquKMgz9EU, as we will be using both for chatting/communication.
If you are here after the live results-reveal watch session, we would encourage you to avoid spoilers by going through the comments section one-by-one, as the comments will be sorted by Old after the live watch session so you can simulate the ranking reveal for yourself.

STATS

Participants: 64 participants
Average score: 7.013
Average controversy score: 2.090 (Any song with a controversy score higher than this is considered to be divisive)

SONG LIST:

.

January:

(G)I-DLE - Hwaa
Epik High - Rosario
Cherry Bullet - Love So Sweet
Dreamcatcher - Odd Eye
IU - Celebrity

February:

SHINee - Don't Call Me
Sunmi - Tail
ONF - Beautiful Beautiful

March:

Rosé - On The Ground
Pentagon - Do or Not
WOODZ - Feel Like
Weeekly - After School
IU - Lilac
Baekhyun - Bambi
WJSN - Unnatural

April:

Hoshi - Spider
STAYC - ASAP
SHINee - Atlantis
Enhypen - Drunk-Dazed
ITZY - In The Morning

May:

NCT Dream - Hot Sauce
Oh My Girl - Dun Dun Dance
WJSN The Black - Easy
Yuqi - Bonnie & Clyde
aespa - Next Level
fromis_9 - We Go
Taemin - Advice
Enhypen - Fever
BTS - Butter
Everglow - First
TXT - Lovesong

June:

Monsta X - Gambler
Lightsum - Vanilla
ONEWE - Rain To Be
LOONA - PTT (Paint The Town)
NCT Dream - Hello Future

July:

Taeyeon - Weekend
AKMU (with IU) - Nakka
Dreamcatcher - BEcause

August:

Jeon Somi - Dumb Dumb
TXT - Loser=Lover
Brave Girls - After We Ride
Stray Kids - Thunderous

September:

STAYC - Stereotype
Purple Kiss - Zombie
NCT 127 - Sticker
Lisa - Money
ITZY - Loco
KEY - Bad Love

October:

Twice - The Feels
aespa - Savage
Jo Yuri - Glassy
TRI.BE - Would You Run
Seventeen - Rock With You

November:

The Boyz - Maverick
Billlie - Ring X Ring
Chungha - Killing Me

December:

IVE - Eleven
Xdinary Heroes - Happy Death Day
ATEEZ - The Real
.

Bonus Rate:

Treasure - Beautiful
The Boyz - Kingdom Come
Joy - Hello
BDC - Moonlight
Golden Child - Ddara
Weki Meki - Siesta
Everglow - Pirate
.

What do I do? I feel stuck, I love him but I feel like I'm a worse, sadder version of myself when I'm with him sometimes. I have dealt with some family issues with him and he has been with me through so much (throughout 7 years), I've been so stressed from college and family, he's been my rock. He knows every stupid thing I've done in the past, and for the first 2 years would make me feel bad for my past decisions I made as a lonely mentally and physically desperate teen that was used by boys. All I wanted was to be seen and wanted but I was used as an object since middle school until I met Him at 18. I regret the decisions I made and felt so embarrassed that he knew EVERYTHING. I'm not very sexually driven, but he is and I feel like he guilt trips me into doing things I'm not in the mood for.. but I've been raised as a people pleaser so I'm not sure if I'm just making myself feel like I have to or because he was visually express his disappointment until 75% of the time give into it to make him not sad.
We talked about this before and he has told me I never have to do it of I don't want to, but I can tell bt his facial expressions and body language that he actually doesn't care. I say this as I've seen and noticed how, I mentioned to him how much I read into facial expression, yet since then, I have never seen him so persistent by showing me how sad he is that I don't want to give him pleasure. And the second i say, i’ll do it or start something, he would get so excited and happy. Or am i reading too much into it?
I love our deep conversations about life and how we love to watch and analyze movies that have deeper meanings, but I feel like he doesn't value some of my ideas or opinions, trying to correct me on a thought I had or out do me. Sometimes I feel like he tries to attack my intelligence due to how easy it is and how self conscious I am.
I grew up having an optimistic outlook on life, especially due to trying to keep my family happy and make the most out of the time I had with my dad due to his constant deployments throughout my childhood. There's no time to be sad, we need to cherish and make the most out of the time we have with each other. But since being with Him, I've felt a shadow of darkness on my outlook on life. He grww up with a pessimistic outlook, but he was so much happier when we started dating. When I try to lighten the mood, he somehow dampens the room, creating my tries of positivity into, what's the point of trying. I enjoy seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I never planned on changing him, but why does he want to change me? I get so excited over the little things, I feel so overjoyed by things like seeing hummingbirds close up to literally anything, but I feel like he makes fun of me for it. I love giving people compliments, from their nails to their stripped pants. It gives me the biggest smile to see their face light up. But why do i feel like I can't be myself around Him? I feel like I'm too much and have to calm down so he doesn't judge me or look at me with a condescending look.
I understand that we need to feel sadness from time to time, but there's something about picking out the little things that gives me thr biggest smile.
I told him how I feel about how certain things make me feel. I'm a emotionally sensitive person and I will cry for making him feel bad. I've never been so anxious in my life, I know college took a lot out of me, but what made it harder was how controlled I felt by Him. I made no friends, I've always had trouble making friends but the people I would find similarities with were with men. Of course. I never had so many similarities with someone before and it was so nice to talk to someone I had stuff in common with. My bf and I don't have many things in common other than our perspectives of the future and our time spent together, but there are those little things like food and music or interests and hobbies.. im always open to His interests and would always show interest in what he likes, but I don't see him trying for me most of the time
But due to my past with guys, my bf doesn't like it when I talk to men, in general. I have never cheated on him and he always tells me I better not, even though I would NEVER CHEAT. I never approach men, or start conversations with them. But when I have to for class or work, I'm scared to tell him. I hate seeing him upset or angry. One time I had to be in a group with a guy, and he was literally me. I did not see ANY romance in our conversations, we were copies of each other from our interests to our childhood experiences. I was so nice to talk to him about our love of history, but I could never see me with him in any way more than that, copies. Does that make any sense? I meant to tell my bf about him but my fear his reaction stopped me. I know I should have, and my fear of conflict is no excuse for lying to him or not telling him about my group partner. My bf found out and he doesn't trust me. He randomly checks my phone and I feel like I deserve it, I do. I led myself here. I blocked the partner after the project was finished and I'm a terrible person for what I did to my Bf and the team member.
We started dating at the end of junior year and I was not planning on going to college with a bf. He followed me and hated the idea of long distance. My dream was to go to a college out of state and so that's what we did, together. I love him, he knows what makes me happy and we, almost, have the same humor. But I didn't imagine how stressful college was going to be with someone who never fully trusted you since the beginning. I don't know how to view this relationship.
This not at all me blaming him for anything. I've been thinking about how different I feel and have felt for years and I'm scared. I'm scared of change and disappointment. I have made my decisions and I have to live with them, I put myself in these situations and I tell myself I control my own life. I've been taking deeper dives in how I function and I'm scared im in a relationship that I won't be happy in. I say all of this but when I look into his eyes, all I see is my baby and his laughs brighten my days, but when I'm away from him, I feel like I can breathe unless some guy sits next to me in a class or talks to me at work. I love talking to people and with the place I work at, I feel alive around my coworkers. I have never felt a romantic interest in a guy but the second I mention him to my bf, he stares at me like I cheated on him.
I've been viewed attractive throughout these past few years, and I when I wear makeup he asks me why do I look this good and who are you trying to impress. No one, NO ONE I'm so TIRED of those words! I'm so sick of them because I do my makeup for my own pleasure, I love winged eyeliner and highlighter, I love how long my eyelashes get with mascara, but I will never wear makeup for the purpose to impress others, unless it's girls that wear winged liner too, I love talking to then about the brand they use and sharing tips and tricks. But we've discussed this so many times that it makes me sick. I understand but I don't understand why he keeps asking me this
We've talked about how he's been feeling more insecure lately due to his weight gain, but I ALWAYS give him reinsurance that I love him and will be by his side through this Rollercoaster we call living.
I'm all over the place. And my head hurts thinking about it all the time.
We don't live with each other but have planned to for years, and once I saved enough, we are, I'm excited and have wanted this for so long. But I like having my own space. I've always wanted my own place, my own kitchen, living room, just a place I control and manage with my things that make me feel brighter and optimistic, but I'm scared He's going to ruin it.
If anyone reads this, wow, I'm sorry. I've never told a soul this because I don't have money for a therapist (but I'll be getting insurance soon so I hope I can find one this year) and I need someone out there to just see and maybe comment on it. I'm so lost. Am I in love? I was, or was I ever in real love. I know I was and I'm. My feelings are so strong, I can't deal with them half of the time. I know I've made mistakes, trust me, I think about them too much to not feel ashamed all the time, but should I feel ashamed, I do. I've never cried so much I will say that. I'm sorry, I keep typing because I don't know what to do!
This was nice to get out. Thank you and goodnight

7 days sleep time
7 days score average.
98 sleep score with specifics.
(The idea of the post is to discuss the charging method, the excellency of the health app and raise awareness about "lion's mane").
Intro: I used to have a mid-tier Galaxy A71 with a low quality Xiaomi smartband that was teerrible at tracking sleep. If you take a look at my post history, a few days ago, I complained about the S24 Ultra facial recognition (which, for some reason, has started to work better), but, after reconsidering my thoughts, the pros and cons, I will stay with Samsung for good. Imagine the teach leap I've experienced from an A71 to an S24 Ultra, it's hard to describe in words. Also, fingerprint unlocking has way more use cases than Apple's Face ID, as some users commented in my complaint post.
Body: I'm going to try to be as brief as possible.
I'm a physhiotherapy student, I have been recently gifted an S24 Ultra (a month ago) and a Galaxy Watch 4.
I initially tried to become a doctor but my bipolar disorder made the decade of my 20s a complete disaster and coudn't achieve my goal.
The symptom that caused the vast majority of my problems was insomnia. I would stay up to 2-4 days without sleep (and the times I fell asleep, I'd wake up every 30min or so), which made me erratic behaviour-wise and even put my life in danger as I once crashed hard driving to med school. This was between 2010 and 2020.
It's been 2 months since I started taking the nootropic fungus "lion's mane", which boosts cognitive functions such as attention, memory and learning capabilities but, most importantly (for me), it's a sleep disorder regulator.
I follow a strict pharmacological and habits protocol in order to fall asleep, which includes no more studying (mental activity) past 1800hs.
For the first time in my life, my sleep is of high quality (except on Saturdays when I stay up until late watching the UFC or when I go out to eat something with friends), this new sleep pattern - thanks to lion's mane - is allowing me to perform extraordinarily in my studies (first of my class <3) and feel extremely well overall throughout the day.
The new sleeping pattern is corroborated by the Watch 4 and the Samsung Health App, since my awakening time is so early compared to the one of a normal sleeper, I'm using Adaptative charging for my phone, which works supremely and it's such a bright idea by Samsung: I wake up, say, 215am (going straight to study, since I can't at night, as previously explained) with my battery between 93 and 99% (rarely, 100%), this takes care of my battery in the long term which is highly important for its lifespan, one of the factors I care the most about phones, alongside a quick and secure unlocking method.
I think that's all. Any reply in Spanish is welcomed, as it is my first language.
Cheers and thanks for your attention. Long live Samsung.

dude...i just got rejected...by this girl thats like...the girl of my dreams. For a recap, when i started 9th grade (school year 2022-2023), we were seatmates. We usually didint talk but one time, during a hard leason in maths which was like quadratic equations and stuff. I was struggling hard. I legit was just staring at the activity sheet. After a while she noticed and helped me which brought the start of our friendship. We always talked through chat, sometimes irl, but its mostly through chat. The first few weeks of talking, she usually sent me videos of herself doing math problems that i can watch if i need help. It continued untilthe math lessons didint get hard the following quarters. Summer vacation came, and i thought it would be great. Guess what...IT WASNT. I hate my family, my dad isn't with us, so it was only me(oldest), my mom, my lil brother, and my sister. Me and my siblings are all 3 years apart from age. I dont know why its always me getting scolded back then for the things my siblings do. It was so bad...i wanted to commit suicide. Like, my mental state was not OKAY. I didint know who to cry to, who to talk to. But then, thats when i thought, why not talk to her? So i ranted and ranted and ranted, i wanted to kill myself. I wanna rnd my life. Things were rough and on the outside, i might look tough or emotion less, but in reality. Im just a sensitive loser thats emotional, easily cries, and sucks at everything. I told her i wanted to kill myself. She kept stopping me. And take note, we rarely talk irl because...im too shy yo approach her. Then she said the most out of the blue thing "If you can't find a reason to live, why not make me your reason to live?" IT HIT HARD. I didint know what to say or reply. I just dropped my phone and continued crying in my room. A few days passed, i talked to her again, but i guess that was the wrong day because she was NOT in the mood. Her parents were about to go divorce because of a problem(i cant rlly say). She told me stuff like she already cried abt it and stuff. We were both there for each other. after that talk with her...summer vacation went, just a little smoother. We always get to play games on roblox, because we cant rlly meet up. We always chat from morning till night. It was perfect. Then, 10th grade came(school year 2023-2024). This time, we weren't seatmates. Since we both go to a special school which has a robotics class, and our T.L.E(Technology and Livelihood Education) was specialized on animation. Like, the whole thing was about 2D and 3D animation. Beinh the perfect most smartest person she is (atleast in my eyes) she was assigned the role of 3D animation for her group. After that...we never got to play most of the time...during our mid year break, she was still busy...a few months pass and on the 4th quarter(final quarter) of the school year. THEY ANNOUNCED THAT OUR BATCH WAS HAVING A PROM. So naturally, i was so excited. I immediately invited her and asked if she wanted to go with me. She said she's gonna think about it so I waited. I asked her about 3 weeks before prom. Then when our batch representative announced in the groupchat that since theres more girls that boys in our batch, they made a poll on who wants to volunteer to go individual to prom. SHE IMMEDIATELY WENT SOLO AND VOTED. It kinda hurt...she said she was gonna think about it and well...she went solo. I asked her why she did that and then she said "I wanna go with my other friends", which was okay with me since i have no rights to make her my partner because...well...we weren't a thing yet, and i still havent confessed. After that...a few more weeks pass, and take not of this specific detail: She asked me what my discord was because she said she forgot what my discord name was because she lost count and alot of her discord friends changed names. THEN I REMEMBERED, my discord bio was basically, me telling that i like her and hoping she doesnt find out and stuff. So i immediately change it then send her the screenshot of my discord.
After 1 week, prom night came. I went in a cool looking suit and stuff when it was time for the red carpet... she eas absolutely stunning. Her eyes sparkled, her pink dress was beautiful. In my eyes, shes the one that stood out the most. She went solo for the red carpet...and i did too..i told my self if i wasnt gonna get partnered with her, then im not gonna get partnered with anyone. Our tabled were far apart but i could still see her from the distance. When it was time for the slow dance part of prom. I went outside because well...i wasnt gonna dance with anyone. When i went outside i saw her with her friends. I just passed by and sat near the bench outside of the venue. I didint know what to do but just admire her beauty from afar. She was perfect. As time passed, only a few more minutes were left before prom night ended so i worked up my courage and went to her. I was about to confess but then when i looked at her, my mind went completely blank. Her eyes weren't the ocean, but i still drown...get lost in them. I was panicking on the inside but on the outside, I was just staring at her. Then the moment of silence was broken when she suddenly said "I already know you liked me"...i smiled...then she said "gotta go" as she want back into the venue because her friends were calling her she looked back for a second then shouted "I knew from your discord bio" AND I WAS SHOCKED. Because...after the discord incident...she never distanced herself from me. We kept talking, and one time, she even asked me "Be honest, Do i text badly? Do you feel ignored?" Which was like...dude...bro i love her. I just sat on the bench the whole night thinking about what i should do. After prom, when i got home i immediately texted her and said "sorry for earlier...my mind went black ahahahaha" she said "its okay" then i said "so...uhh...do you like me back...?" She said "sorry i dont feel the same..i wanna keep things platonic" SO THAT SHOOK MY TO MY CORE...it hurt alot. But still, we kept talking, she still didint distance her self.
This is my confession btw: If you ever get this message, it may be because when i confessed to you, I had a lot more to say(i didint confess😭). You made me feel the most special person in the world, for once i felt i wanted and i guess you're the reason for that. I know you might not like me back, and i know I'm probably not even close to your standards, but i just wanted to tell you how i feel about you. Do you know the saying: "you cant love others without loving yourself first." I never believed in that because I never loved myself, but you...I love YOU so much that i forgot what hating myself felt like. You're the reason i catch myself smiling out of nowhere in the middle of the day. You are the sunshine in my thoughts, and the unexpected joy that fills my heart. Every time I think of you, everything seems just a little brighter and a little lighter. You make waking up the best part of the day, seeing you at school always makes me the happiest person on earth...and i really just like you...i hope this won't ruin our friendship, and that things won't get awkward between us.
A few more weeks passed by and it was our moving up. I didint get to go because i was sick. Before that she was showing me a necklace that she found on Instagram then...well...i thought to myself why not buy it. Atleast i can give jer something for moving up. I bought it for her..then thats when fever struck me. I didint get to go to moving up so i just told her about the necklace. Then she said "Oh i wanted to give you something too, a Friendship bracelet." Since we both didint get to see each other for moving up, i just told her..."lets give our gifts for each other next school year" and she said "sureee". After that well..A FEW MORE WEEKS PASSED BY. And i was thinking to myself. I wanna pursue her. I loved her. And like...i dont know how to say it. So i made this whole ass paragraph again.
WHAT I SAID: I've been thinking abt this for a while now...and i really wanna try pursuing you. I know you're still prioritizing ur studies and time with ur fam but, i do wanna try pursuing you, i know that you never felt the same and stuff but like...yk..i guess that's the point? who knows you might fall or maybe feel the same too? I'M NOT FORCING U OR ANYTHING. Just... you're one of the people who made me feel this tingly feeling like, when someone mentions your name or your chat head pops up on my screen..i just get this feeling, it only has ever happened when its about you...i cant really express through words what or how i feel about you...but im POSITIVE..i can show them through my actions. i wanna give you the best hugs you deserve(im rlly into hugs). I wanna get to know you even more, i want to get to share unforgettable experiences with you. You're the first person that just I REALLY WANNA PURSUE AND BE WITH. You are the most perfect person in my eyes...i know perfect people don't exist but your imperfections, your flaws, everything about you...it just makes me go bananas. So...how about...we try it...? Like...trying to learn how to love me too...? ARGH I DONT KNOW MY HANDS R SHAKING AS IM TYPING THIS...i just wanna....be with you...i wanna stay with you and...i dont know what to say anymore...but maybe...just maybe even if its the slightest chance, maybe you'd fall for me too like how i fell for you? I know I'm putting our friendship at risk of awkwardness and stuff and maybe even the end of it...but I'm willing to take those risks for you. I know I'll just get hurt but...can you really experience love if you don't feel pain too?
IM NOT PRESSURING U OR ANYTHING DWWWWW!! dam I yap alot😭 just answer with a yes or no. And i know what to do next. Anyways, iloveuu🫶🏻(?)
I sent it to her after a few hours of procrastinating. She replied a few hours later and this is what she replied.
HER REPLY: Idk, like I said I don't really care, but I don't wanna, and u shouldn't get ur hopes up, liek I said last time, I really don't want to get into a relationship at all, I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings but you did say that you aren't forcing but I don't want to "try" or anything like that, I see you as a friend and only a friend. I appreciate that you think of me that way but I won't be returning those feelings back to you in any point of my life.
IT HURTS. It hit me hard. Its like getting shot straight to the heart. Her reply was the last time we talked to each other(3 days ago). We still havent talked after that. Im legit gonna cry...the first person i actually had feelings for...damn.

First/Previous
“How’d you think that was going to go?” asked a voice from the other side of the door.
I lay on the bunk and stared at the ceiling; my head throbbed. The place where I’d been grazed stung whenever I touched my fingers to it. A bullet had—by whoever’s grace—scraped my scalp and traced a line from the far corner of my right eyebrow. It'd only been three days and it still caused pain. No doctors came and I was certain there would be infection—if not plain infection, then it could always be the worser: skitterbugs. I ached still. I had never fully recovered, not like how I should have.
The day of anger, as I’d begun to think of it in my mind, had caused no great ruckus beyond a few dead men. Two were Bosses, but who knew if they’d announce that as casually as they’d surely announce my execution. Perhaps they’d string me up alongside thieves. A good thief and a bad. What a riot; I deserved no thieves, of course.
What was I? Some great hero? Some idiot was more likely. I wanted misery to befall those that perpetrated it themselves and there I was, more miserable. Perhaps the wrath in my heart came from some mutation; the demon Mephisto resurrected me (so said the demon) and I’d begun to accept it. It was the reason for my poor state, surely, and the more I thought on it, the more I believed it was true; it felt true right down to my bones. The truth hurt or it was age and I rose from the cot I lay on; I’d been detained in a room beside the one I’d visited Andrew many months prior. They’d starved me, rattled the door to try and frighten me, and they’d wasted water on my head to keep me from good sleep.
I did not respond to the voice from the other side of the door and the object rattled in its frame and the voice came again, this time angrier, “Really? How did you think that was going to go? Crazy bastard! Thought you’d put the hurt on the Bosses? Thought you’d kill us at our worst? First, it’s that explosion. You have something to do with that? No! First, it was Harold’s daughter running off!” The voice on the other side of the door grew with mirth as it did with anger. “I’d seen you around town a bit. Thought the Bosses always liked you. Huh. Boss Harold mentioned you at his parties and said how you were a smart fella’, a good fella’, and there you killed him. Stone cold.” The man which spoke was a jailor that tortured me in those dreamlike days I spent locked in their prison, and he seemed personally affronted. “So first it’s the explosions; steam or dust rose out of cracks in the ground you know—some thought hell was rising up, but the Bosses put those thoughts to bed. God, what’s it with the likes of you? The explosions and now I’ve lost an eye and its because of the skitterbugs. You probably brought that on!” The voice muttered and then the door shook in its frame again, seemingly from a hard kick. I wished I could see the face of the man throwing his tantrum. “Can’t wait to see you hang.”
“So, I’ll hang?” I asked the door. There was a long silence, and I was uncertain if I’d pitched my voice enough for the man on the other side to hear me. I opened my mouth to ask, “So-
“You’ll hang.” The man on other side seemed to knock his knuckles against the surface of the door. “Or you’ll die here.”
“What’s Maron said?”
“Don’t you worry about him.”
“What’s he said?”
“Said you’d probably appreciate the punishment that we’d put on you. Said you’re a sick man. Said you like speaking with devils and people like you only find pleasure in such things.”
“So, I won’t hang?”
“Oh, you’ll hang, sir. You’ll hang if I need to do it myself with no one else. If not that, I’ll be sure to put you under one way or another. Accidents happen.” He chuckled. “Maybe you’d enjoy it, but it doesn’t matter. Whatever enjoyment you find in your tortures won’t compare to what ideas I have.”
A long silence followed, and I watched dust motes dance in the air; the place was stagnant and even a breath caused a shift in their glide. I closed my eyes and tried to remember a better time. I thought of Suzanne. I thought of Gemma. What a time to be alive. I thought of the movies, the books, the musical cartridges that sung of yesteryears. How unlucky I’d been, of course. Something had changed in me though and it was totally refreshing. Perhaps it was in realizing the evils of my brothers was that of a man and not some otherworldly force, or perhaps it was a push that came from years of terrible inconsistencies. All that living in the past and so it was. It didn’t matter—the past. I’d been so busy with it that I’d been in a constant state of unliving. I’d known that always, of course—something new had come.
“You dozing off in there?” asked the jailor.
“Nah.”
“Good. Stay awake or I’ll be forced to stay you awake.”
I’d been reborn with a rage, justified or otherwise, and it was felt all over. It was a wild compulsion. All that time and it had been me that was brought back.
The wound on my head throbbed and I prodded it with a finger and brought the finger away and examined the digit; it was dried well enough, and I did not smell infection nor were there any of the accompanying symptoms of a fever or hallucination. I was me, through and through. For now.
The door banged. I didn’t bother an answer and the door banged again.
“Who’s there?” I asked, surprising myself with the sarcasm.
“Why’d you do it?” asked the jailor.
“You wanna’ ask me about it now?”
“Tell me.” The voice on the other side of the door was serious entirely.
“Bah!” “Bah to you! Why’d you do it?”
“Is there a reason to explain myself? If you knew better the things I knew, would it get you to unlock that door and let me walk free? Would it change your mind even?”
The jailor caught a laugh before responding. “Can’t say it would.”
“So, what’s it that you want? You won’t understand me, and I don’t think I’ve got the energies of persuasion to try.”
“Try.”
“You like the Bosses?”
“They’re okay. Keep me in work anyway. Keep people safe.” I slumped forward onto my knees where I sat and placed my elbows on my knees and watched the crack at the base of the door on the other side of the prison cell. “What’s it matter if they keep you in work? Think they care about you anymore than what you represent?”
“Huh?”
“I mean, you keep riffraff down and they like you for it. I wonder if they know you. You ever get invited to the feasts they hold at the hall? You ever worry about your water rations? You ever wonder why it is that so few of the women or men invited to the hall return? Children too, now that I think of it. They’d call those captured criminals, I know. Those brothers—the sheriff is to blame too—they’re bastards. You know they are.”
“Is that so? What’s that make me? A bastard too?”
“By proxy maybe.” I dryly chuckled. “What’s it matter? What do you want outta’ me anyhow? Some gratification? Some confession—you’ve gotten that already, ain’tcha? Maybe a repentance? Why don’t you call one of those Bosses on down from their throne and have them here on the other side of the door so I can apologize? Or call Lady and I’ll get her to channel some message to the afterlife and I’ll plead for forgiveness. That what you want? Now I’m a bad man and I know it, but it ain’t for the reasons you believe. What you want is belief that there’s a man under the skin of the monster you’ve projected? No, I won’t shoo away your boogeyman for you. It can’t be done, not from me.”
“You talk big for someone in your predicament. I like how you talk so holier. Like you’re talking down on me. I just wanted to know what made you want to go on a mad-killing spree the way you did.”
“Mm.” I cupped my hands together; as it was, my left knee shot off with pain and I tried to massage it to little comfort and stretched it out straight from my body. “When violence keeps you bound, violence is necessary to free yourself. That’s all I’ll say about it. If you hang me, then hang me. Spill my guts out for the birds and put a sack over my head so you won’t be sick by my face.”
“You’re a mouthy pig.”
I listened to the jailor’s footfalls disappear down the hall and finally it was totally quiet and all I could hear was the throb on my head. Lucky or unlucky? No, it wasn’t luck. I’d been marked. I was the payment, and I knew the price. The demon had my soul. Whatever protection it afforded me, I intended on using.
The image of that room continued over in my mind, with the peasantry (that’s what I saw them as then) knelt in front of the Bosses and the wall men, with the intense blood-smell, with the surprise on Maron’s face. Billy’s face. There was still a part of me, however small, that wanted to plead with him to change his ways. That wasn’t the part that welled up in me then though. The piece of me that wanted to see him die was what took over. It hadn’t been Maron that fired his gun; he’d still been fighting with his holster. I’d only taken a step in through the door and a spray of gunfire from one of the wall men’s rifles exploded and I was sure I was dead because I fell, and my vision went white. They should’ve put me down then.
I didn’t come too fully until I had a few goons on me, hauling me upright roughly under my arms. Maron didn’t say anything at first and those wall men took over; they shouted that I was alive still and I felt a hot gun barrel against my cheek.
“Stop!” shouted Maron. The Boss Sheriff stepped forward with his stilted gait and looked me over thoroughly. The gun barrel fell from my cheek, but they held me still; it wasn’t like I planned on fighting. “You got uglier,” said Boss Maron, “Really ugly.” His left eye, afflicted by the skitterbug infestation, had gone dead white with only the faintest trace of an iris; it dribbled pus.
I held his stare to the point that my eyes watered—whether from anger or sorrow or both—and my muscles tightened like an animal threatening to pounce. It was a ridiculous display.
“Lock him up,” said Boss Maron.
So, I was locked up and those uncounted days I was mildly tortured: sleep deprivation, pummeling, and sometimes they spit on me. It could have been worse. I’d seen worse.
The cell was numbingly quiet, and I continued to massage my knee, continued in thinking about how investing so much thought with the past twisted any future of mine into a dismal satire.
I could not tell how long it had been without sunlight and the jailor returned (he was bulbous and fattened and old but very strong—it could be sensed in how he carried himself) pushed through the door this time with a tray of diced potatoes, steamed but cold, and a metal cup of water. He sat them on the floor, stared at the tray there with his one good left eye, and it was like I could read his mind as he looked at the food there. He could destroy it; he jerked from the tray without saying a word to me then disappeared behind the door he closed. The jailor remained there outside.
Pride swelled in me momentarily before I pushed whatever silliness that was and devoured the food and drank the clear water. If it was poison, so be it. If it was poison, then all the problems of the world would disperse.
Again, the jailor pushed in through the door and bent to remove the tray and I was struck by the immediate thought of strangling him. So, I tried and threw myself at the man.
My hands felt the scruff around his throat, and I pressed hard with my fingers on his Adams apple. He’d lurched forward to lift the tray and he immediately came up with force, throwing me off him; my nails raked his cheek as I scrambled for purchase. He took the metal tray in both of his hands and thwapped me across the head—it rang, and I was stunned while he lifted back his right hand in a swing. In the dizziness, I momentarily caught a glimpse of the holster on his left hip and reached out dumbly for the revolver there. A meaty smack could be heard, and I didn’t even feel it when his fist met my face the second time. My head rocked and I fought to look upright, and his hand came again, and I put up my own hand in return; it was pushed away, and he continued at me, muttering epithets he found useful.
Once he was heaving and spitting, he left me on the cot and directly before slamming the door, he mentioned something about violence and how if I liked violence so much that he’d show it to me.
I nursed myself to sitting right-up and though adrenaline kept the pain away, I felt my face bruising already. There was no way for me to inspect the welts his hands had left, but I could guess their places by touch and how they thrummed with my heart.
Two days passed, if I counted them by the visits from the jailor and then Maron made his appearance to me, and I was surprised to see him with a leather eye patch over his left eye; he seemed ill on his feet and the jailor, though the man was there, did not move to stop Maron from entering the room and relieving me of my prison. He and the jailor roped my hands together in front of my pelvis and I didn’t fight.
Boss Maron stank of infection and yellow oozed from beneath his eye patch and he kept his cowboy hat pulled snugly over both his ears and did not speak so jovially—there were no crude jokes at my expense. A warmth radiated off him. The Boss carried my shotgun with him but made no remark on it. He marched me from the prison, and I met daylight, and it burned my eyes while I stared up into the reddish sky. Dust scattered from the nearest portion of wall and caught on the wind till it was carried and disappeared overhead, and I briefly thought how nice it must be to fly.
Golgotha stirred as ever, and people spoke loudly and candidly as I passed them by. Words came my way from passing faces like, “You kissed the devil’s ass!” or, “You sure are a monster, look at you!” and Maron pushed me on with the gun at my back, and I wavered on my legs like I was without any control.
“Is it true?” asked Boss Maron, “Did you kiss the devil’s ass?” He tilted the shotgun casually on his shoulder and kept me ahead of himself. He was taking me to hang—and making a big deal out of it too. “I know how you like to speak to them. The demons. I know how you conspire with them. I told them all how you do. Now they know I was right.”
What a rotten town it was, and it smelled like it. The atrophied muscles and diseased infections of those fine folks emanated in the air, flies buzzed around my head, bloated and doubtlessly happy from whatever corpse they’d sprung from.
“Say somethin’,” said Maron.
“What do you want?” I asked, watching my footfalls, ignoring the screeches of those on the sidelines; he marched me through the runways, past the onlookers which saw me with faces of twisted hatred. The tension was palpable—I could feel the venom off the eyes of those that watched. Blood red eyes which judged carelessly.
“I want you to say it,” said Maron; I felt the nudge of the shotgun at my back again and I stumbled forward, caught myself, carried on, “I want you to admit it to me. You’re like a mutant, ain’tcha? No better than any other monster. I knew it all them years. I seen it.” We took an alley and cretins followed behind; wall men flanked Maron and on either side of the narrow stretch there were faces made even with the wall, pressed there like they were afraid to be involved.
“Whatever you say, brother.”
“Don’t,” hissed Maron, “Don’t even.”
“What?” I spat the word, “Afraid they’ll treat you differently if they all know how close we are?” I felt the gun barrel press against my back, and I yelped out the words, “Hey! He’s my brother! My baby brother!” The barrel jabbed me in the spine, and I spilled forward, catching myself on one of those nearby faces. It was an old woman. She shoved me from her, and I flailed across the ground after trying to catch myself with my bound hands. Dirt met my face and exploded around me. I laughed, blinking through the dust. I spit too. He couldn’t kill me. Whatever black magic there was in me—bequeathed by Mephisto—refused me death. Maron lifted me with the help of his wall men, pinching the coat around my throat with his fist. He shoved me on, and we continued.
“You smell that?” I asked Maron.
“Stop talkin’. You might not be a man, but you’ll die like one,” he said. The wall men around muttered, and we took the way to the front square; already there were looky-loos gathered, throngs of them not at all bashful to see the day’s line-up—it was just me. The platform was emptier and that was good (Frank, Paul, and Matt looked naked without their eldest brother). Those Bosses which remained looked drunk as they did for any other execution. It was a good day for it. Warm. The stink of the crowd was worse and as those gathered parted for my entourage, the warmth of them cloistered us like the blood of a wound.
Even through the vile aroma, the smell of rotted poultry rose like nothing else. “You don’t smell it then?”
The roar, a cacophony of the damned souls stolen, shook the ground and the air changed. A dragon—Leviathan.
Along the wall which old skeletal corpses hung against dried blood stains from hook-chains, men and women scattered the length of the parapets with their weapons. Gunfire came and one of those atop the wall shouted, “Artillery! Dragon! Big guns!”
There was fire in the sky and the creature circled overhead and its wings beat the wind like mad; those organic ropes that hung from its body took on horrid shapes with its movement in the high noon sunlight.
Screams filled the air as the square erupted into panic. I dove into the sickly crowd; among the loudness, the horses which were lined by the big door fought against their ties and bolted across the square. Arms and heads disappeared beneath those dashing hooves, and it was not long before people were trampling people and in a quick glance I saw the Boss platform came down in splinters as the horses rushes it. Blood slickened the feet of many as they rushed to the buildings adjacent the square—what a small protection that’d be against Leviathan. A wall man went stumbling over the wall’s ledge and his body met the ground beneath the hanging corpses and he didn’t get up.
In the wild fray, Maron fired the shotgun into the air, and I briefly thought of where the pellets might fall.
Finally, artillery fire came and put a hole in the creature. It wavered in the air, its head lurched downward like it might pierce the ground and it pulled its long neck back and blew flames across the buildings. The heat was immaculate. Rotted chicken filled my lungs.
“There’s more!” shouted a wall man above, “Running across the field.”
The crowd grew more enamored with escape; there’s no good way to say it—blood frothed around our heels as I was shoved through the avenues of elbows, rocking heads, plunging knees. I pushed on, shielding myself with my bound hands as well as I could. I kept my head as high, and felt scratches reach my throat—doubtlessly those which could not continue—nails and fists came from every direction. In the ephemeral madness, I too screamed and it did not stop until I spilled into an alleyway along the wall nearest the execution chains. I ran and tripped from the crowd, slid, and bit my tongue so thoroughly that my teeth clicked together though the tissue; my breath was knocked from me. My pants were wet from the viscera. Others too had found the opening and barreled past me. I went to my feet and panted thought the pain, through the twinge in my left knee. I took the walls for support and still, those which rushed past nearly knocked me from my feet.
Some poor child—a lean, bony-faced boy—fell in the rush and before I had a moment to reach out, he was gone. Whether he lived or not, I did not stop to know. The crunch of bones as more people spilled into the narrow stretch indicated the worst.
First/Previous
Archive

1. In John 3:16, who is God, and who is his one and only son?

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

1. Who created all things? John 1:1-3

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.

1. Did Christ exist after he was born in this world, or he has always been, and it is through him that all humans exist? John 8:48-58

48 The Jews answered him, “Aren’t we right in saying that you are a
Samaritan and demon-possessed?”
49 “I am not possessed by a demon,” said Jesus, “but I honor my
Father and you dishonor me. 50 I am not seeking glory for myself;
but there is one who seeks it, and he is the judge. 51 Very truly I
tell you, whoever obeys my word will never see death.”
52 At this they exclaimed, “Now we know that you are demon-possessed!
Abraham died and so did the prophets, yet you say that whoever obeys
your word will never taste death. 53 Are you greater than our father
Abraham? He died, and so did the prophets. Who do you think you are?”
54 Jesus replied, “If I glorify myself, my glory means nothing. My
Father, whom you claim as your God, is the one who glorifies me. 55
Though you do not know him, I know him. If I said I did not, I would
be a liar like you, but I do know him and obey his word. 56 Your
father Abraham rejoiced at the thought of seeing my day; he saw it
and was glad.”
57 “You are not yet fifty years old,” they said to him, “and you have
seen Abraham!”
58 “Very truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “before Abraham was
born, I am!”

1. Is Christ God?
   
2. Did Christ come into the world as a man, doing God's will, or as God? John 14:10
   

10 Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work.

1. Did Christ go through the various stages and challenges of life as a man or as God?
   
2. From his childhood, did Christ know that he was God? Mark 10:17-18
   

17 As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his
knees before him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to
inherit eternal life?”
18 “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except
God alone.

1. Did Christ learn about the Father, and start his fellowship with the Father the same way as every other human would have, by going to Sunday school, studying the scriptures, and doing the will of the Father, until he and the Father had become one?

Luke 2:46
After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions.
Luke 2:52
“And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.”

1. Who confirmed Jesus Christ as a true child of God, when his will and the Father's will had become one, after doing God's will for a long time? Matthew 3:13-17

13 Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John.
14 But John tried to deter him, saying, “I need to be baptized by you,
and do you come to me?”
15 Jesus replied, “Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this
to fulfill all righteousness.” Then John consented.
16 As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that
moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending
like a dove and alighting on him. 17 And a voice from heaven said,
“This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

1. Will you also receive a confirmation from the Father in your spirit when your will and the Father's will have become one after doing his will for some time?
   
2. In John 10:10, who is the thief, what does he want, and what does Christ want for every human?
   

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

1. Who gave you life?
   
2. If Satan can make you turn against your Father in Heaven has he stolen you from him?
   
3. In what ways does Satan try to destroy the children of God?
   
4. Will Satan try to kill you if all his attempts fail?
   
5. In what way did Christ expect people to know who he was? John 10:24-25
   

24 The Jews who were there gathered around him, saying, “How long
will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us
plainly.”
25 Jesus answered, “I did tell you, but you do not believe. The
works I do in my Father’s name testify about me,

1. Are you *something* because of what you do every day, or what you say that you are?
   
2. How is Christ the way to the Father? John 14:4-6
   

4 You know the way to the place where I am going.” 5 Thomas said to
him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the
way?”
6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No
one comes to the Father except through me.

1. What examples did Christ *do* and *teach* humans as the way to become like Christ? (Read the Gospels)
   
2. Can you believe in Christ without practicing his teachings?
   
3. Which examples of Christ are you following now?
   
4. Was Christ willing to forgive the people who had tortured him and hanged him on the cross to die? Luke 23:34
   

34 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.

1. Which character and mind will be formed in you when you believe in Christ by acting on his word?
   
2. How can Christ be formed in you?
   
3. When you blow air into a balloon and place it on a bucket of water will it float or will it sink?
   
4. When you press the balloon to the bottom of the bucket and you leave it what will happen to the balloon?
   
5. In John 11:20-26, how is Christ the resurrection and the life?
   

20 When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him,
but Mary stayed at home.
21 “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother
would not have died. 22 But I know that even now God will give you
whatever you ask.”
23 Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”
24 Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at
the last day.”
25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one
who believes in me will live, even though they die; 26 and whoever
lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

1. When you do not have the character and mind of Christ can you be resurrected?
   
2. In what way is a person who has become like Christ, like a balloon?
   
3. Through Christ, should there be other Christs?
   
4. Does Christ's resurrection teach humans that when a man has formed Christ in them, they are *capable* of being resurrected, and that resurrection is *possible*?
   
5. Did Christ wish to go through the suffering on the cross, or he went through it because it was the Father's will?
   

“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”

1. Are you also willing to do the Father's will even when it does not make you happy?
   
2. Did the people of his day find it easy to accept the teachings of Christ, including the disciples?
   
3. Did the disciples believe that Christ would resurrect after his death on the cross? John 20:24-29
   

24 Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not
with the disciples when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told
him, “We have seen the Lord!”
But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put
my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will
not believe.”
26 A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was
with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among
them and said, “Peace be with you!” 27 Then he said to Thomas,
“Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it
into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”
28 Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”
29 Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed;
blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

1. Did Christ know that for the people to truly believe him he had to give them a sign? Matthew 12:38-39

38 Then some of the Pharisees and teachers of the law said to him,
“Teacher, we want to see a sign from you.”
39 He answered, “A wicked and adulterous generation asks for a sign!
But none will be given it except the sign of the prophet Jonah.

1. What sign would he give them to make them believe?
   
2. If Christ had not died in public, would his resurrection have meant anything to the people of his day?
   
3. If Christ had not resurrected from the dead, would his message have taken deeper roots in the hearts of the people, making them believe that all that he said was true? John 11:25
   

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die;

1. When the people believed him after his resurrection were they willing to spread the message to other towns and even die while doing so?
   
2. In what way did the Father use Christ's public humiliation and death on the cross to make Christ's message take deeper roots in the hearts of men after his resurrection, to the point where they were willing to die for it?
   
3. Did the Father use what the Devil had planned for evil, for good, by letting Christ go through public humiliation and death, or did the Father plan to have Christ crucified all along?
   
4. Can humans enter God's kingdom and be saved from darkness if only they will believe in Christ's teachings?
   
5. If the price to pay for Christ's message to be accepted by the people was death by the cross, and later resurrection, was Christ willing to do what it would take by paying the price?
   
6. Did the Father pay the price by giving his very best, his only begotten son?
   
7. Does the Father allowing Christ to go through so much suffering teach humans how far he is willing to go to rescue even the most stubborn human from darkness?
   
8. Does Christ humbling himself even unto death, teach humans how far we must be willing to go to do God's will?
   
9. Can the problem of humans living in darkness, and dying because of it, be solved?
   
10. Is there a price to pay to solve it?
    
11. Are you willing to pay the price?
    
12. Did Christ come to replace the laws of the prophets, or improve upon them and give them their full meaning?
    

Matthew 5:33-37
33 “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ 34 But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. 36 And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. 37 All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.
Matthew 5:38-39
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.
Matthew 19:8-11
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
Matthew 5:43-46
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?
Matthew 5:27-28
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Matthew 5:17
Don't suppose I came to do away with the Law and the Prophets. I did not come to do away with them, but to give them their full meaning.

1. Does following Christ's teachings mean that you no longer have to obey the law? Matthew 5:19

Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

1. Can you become perfect by following laws alone?
   
2. What is the reason for your answer?
   
3. Do the laws of God cover every aspect of human living and behavior?
   
4. Can you become perfect by following the laws of God and Christ who by taking on human nature also understands you and knows how to deal with the things that stop you from becoming perfect? Matthew 5:20
   

For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.

1. Did Christ come to start a new religion named after him, or to establish the kingdom of God on earth?
   
2. Where is the kingdom of God on earth? Luke 17:20-21
   

20 And when he was demanded of the Pharisees, when the kingdom of God
should come, he answered them and said, The kingdom of God cometh not
with observation:
21 Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the
kingdom of God is within you.

1. How do you enter God's kingdom?
   
2. Can you enter God's kingdom without submitting yourself to God, daily? Luke 22:42
   

“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”

1. Did the Jews accept or reject Christ's teachings? John 10:20-21

20 Many of them said, “He is demon-possessed and raving mad. Why
listen to him?”
21 But others said, “These are not the sayings of a man possessed by a
demon. Can a demon open the eyes of the blind?”

1. What would happen to Jerusalem shortly after Christ had been taken up into Heaven? Luke 19:41-44

41 As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it 42 and said, “If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace—but now it is hidden from your eyes. 43 The days will come upon you when your enemies will build an embankment against you and encircle you and hem you in on every side. 44 They will dash you to the ground, you and the children within your walls. They will not leave one stone on another, because you did not recognize the time of God’s coming to you.”

1. When Christ was about to be crucified, and the women wept for him, why did he say to them "Weep for yourselves"? Luke 23:27-28

27 A large number of people followed him, including women who mourned and wailed for him. 28 Jesus turned and said to them, “Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me; weep for yourselves and for your children.

1. What happened to Jerusalem shortly after Christ had been taken up into Heaven?
   
2. If the Jews had accepted Christ's message would the Romans have destroyed their cities and temples and killed so many of them?
   
3. If all men accept God as their Father, will they treat each other as brothers and sisters, or as foreigners and enemies? John 4:7-9
   

7 When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will
you give me a drink?” 8 (His disciples had gone into the town to buy
food.)
9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan
woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate
with Samaritans.)

1. If all men accept each other as brothers and sisters, will they continue to fight each other or allow the peace of God to reign on earth?
   
2. What is a parable?
   
3. What is the parable of the tenants? Luke 20:9-19
   

9 He went on to tell the people this parable: “A man planted a
vineyard, rented it to some farmers and went away for a long time.
10 At harvest time he sent a servant to the tenants so they would give
him some of the fruit of the vineyard. But the tenants beat him and
sent him away empty-handed. 11 He sent another servant, but that one
also they beat and treated shamefully and sent away empty-handed. 12
He sent still a third, and they wounded him and threw him out.
13 “Then the owner of the vineyard said, ‘What shall I do? I will send
my son, whom I love; perhaps they will respect him.’
14 “But when the tenants saw him, they talked the matter over. ‘This
is the heir,’ they said. ‘Let’s kill him, and the inheritance will be
ours.’ 15 So they threw him out of the vineyard and killed him.
“What then will the owner of the vineyard do to them? 16 He will come
and kill those tenants and give the vineyard to others.”
When the people heard this, they said, “God forbid!”
17 Jesus looked directly at them and asked, “Then what is the meaning
of that which is written:
“‘The stone the builders rejected has become the
cornerstone’?
18 Everyone who falls on that stone will be broken to pieces; anyone
on whom it falls will be crushed.”
19 The teachers of the law and the chief priests looked for a way to
arrest him immediately, because they knew he had spoken this parable
against them. But they were afraid of the people.

1. What does the vineyard represent in the parable?
   
2. Who is the owner of the vineyard?
   
3. Who are the tenants? Matthew 23:29-35
   

29 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You
build tombs for the prophets and decorate the graves of the
righteous. 30 And you say, ‘If we had lived in the days of our
ancestors, we would not have taken part with them in shedding the
blood of the prophets.’ 31 So you testify against yourselves that you
are the descendants of those who murdered the prophets. 32 Go ahead,
then, and complete what your ancestors started!
33 “You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being
condemned to hell? 34 Therefore I am sending you prophets and sages
and teachers. Some of them you will kill and crucify; others you will
flog in your synagogues and pursue from town to town. 35 And so upon
you will come all the righteous blood that has been shed on earth,
from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah son of
Berekiah, whom you murdered between the temple and the altar.

1. In what ways did the tenants beat and treat the servants shamefully?
   
2. What is the fruit of the vineyard?
   
3. Who were the servants sent to the vineyard to collect the fruits of the vineyard?
   
4. Who was the son sent to collect the vineyard's fruits?
   
5. Did Christ come into the world to be humiliated and killed or to draw men into the Father's kingdom by his teachings and lifestyle?
   
6. Was Christ sacrificed or betrayed and murdered? Acts 7:52-53
   

52 Was there any prophet that your ancestors did not persecute? They killed God's messengers, who long ago announced the coming of his righteous Servant. And now you have betrayed and murdered him. 53 You are the ones who received God's law, that was handed down by angels—yet you have not obeyed it!”

1. What is the harvest, and who are the laborers? Matthew 9:35-38

35 And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. 36 When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37 Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; 38 therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”

1. Was Christ able to forgive sins before he was crucified? Matthew 9:2-7

2 Some men brought to him a paralyzed man, lying on a mat. When Jesus
saw their faith, he said to the man, “Take heart, son; your sins
are forgiven.”
3 At this, some of the teachers of the law said to themselves, “This
fellow is blaspheming!”
4 Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, “Why do you entertain evil
thoughts in your hearts? 5 Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are
forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’? 6 But I want you to know
that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So he
said to the paralyzed man, “Get up, take your mat and go home.” 7
Then the man got up and went home.

1. Did humans have to spill the blood of Christ to be forgiven of their sins?
   
2. In what way does Christ take away the sin of the world? John 1:29
   

The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, “Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!

1. In what way did Christ fulfill the prophecy of Isaiah in Isaiah 53:4? Matthew 8:14-17

14 When Jesus came into Peter’s house, he saw Peter’s mother-in-law
lying in bed with a fever. 15 He touched her hand and the fever left
her, and she got up and began to wait on him.
16 When evening came, many who were demon-possessed were brought to
him, and he drove out the spirits with a word and healed all the sick.
17 This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah:
“He took up our infirmities and bore our diseases.”

1. What is the story of the woman caught in adultery? John 8:1-11

8 1 but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.
2 At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people
gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3 The teachers of
the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They
made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this
woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded
us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this
question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his
finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and
said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to
throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the
ground.
9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older
ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing
there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they?
Has no one condemned you?”
11 “No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave
your life of sin.”

1. Was it possible for humans to stop sinning before Christ was crucified? John 8:11
   
2. How do you stop sinning?
   
3. Was Christ able to teach all that he wanted to before he was taken up into Heaven? John 16:12
   

“I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear.

1. How did Christ know that the people could not bear all that he had to say to them? John 3:1-12

3 Now there was a Pharisee, a man named Nicodemus who was a member of
the Jewish ruling council. 2 He came to Jesus at night and said,
“Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God. For no
one could perform the signs you are doing if God were not with him.”
3 Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom
of God unless they are born
again.”
4 “How can someone be born when they are old?” Nicodemus asked.
“Surely they cannot enter a second time into their mother’s womb to be
born!”
5 Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the
kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. 6 Flesh
gives birth to flesh, but the
Spirit gives birth to spirit. 7 You should not be
surprised at my saying,
‘You must be born again.’ 8 The wind blows wherever it
pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from
or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the
Spirit.”
9 “How can this be?” Nicodemus asked.
10 “You are Israel’s teacher,” said Jesus, “and do you not
understand these things? 11 Very truly I tell you, we speak of what
we know, and we testify to what we have seen, but still you people do
not accept our testimony. 12 I have spoken to you of earthly things
and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of
heavenly things?

1. Who will continue his work after he has been taken up into Heaven? John 16:13

But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.

1. While on earth why did Christ call himself the Son of Man? Matthew 8:20

“And Jesus said to him, ‘Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.’”

1. Is human experience already in God from the beginning, or is human experience obtained by living like a human?
   
2. Did Christ rule over our universe after creating it, or did he wait until he had first put on human nature, thereby becoming both Son of God and Son of Man? Matthew 28:16-18
   

16 Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17 When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. 18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.

1. Who gave Christ all authority?
   
2. What did Christ have after his resurrection, that he did not have before his crucifixion? Matthew 28:18
   

18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.

1. What could go wrong if Christ ruled our universe after creating it, without first putting on human nature?
   
2. What can go wrong when you try advancing a child when you have never been a child before?
   
3. In Matthew 23:11 why does the Father (through Christ) say
   

The greatest among you must be a servant.

1. Would Christ use his authority over Man, fairly, if he had not first obtained a human experience, and known what it was like to be human?

Luke 23:34
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
Luke 5:21-22
21 The Pharisees and the teachers of the law began thinking to themselves, “Who is this fellow who speaks blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?”

22 Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, “Why are you thinking these things in your hearts?

1. If God himself goes through the proper way to assume authority, should humans also learn to do things the proper way?
   
2. Did Christ live his life on earth by seeking the will of the Father and doing it? John 6:38
   

For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me.

1. Should humans also spend their lives seeking the will of God and doing it?
   
2. Was Christ able to fulfill the law? Matthew 5:17
   

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.

1. Is Christ able to help you fulfill the law as well?

My work is much more than just sex. It's about the total experience. I pay a lot of attention to my appearance and care, such as my hairstyle, nails and skincare. Because, If I want my customers to find me sexy, I have to feel sexy. At work I dress mostly provocatively, sexy and emphasize what I have, skintight and flash some skin, something that reveals all without showing everything, something that accent my best features. “If I look like I just got some, it’s sexy. If I look like I’m out to get some, it’s slutty.” 💋
Of course, I know that I am not only met for my appearance, although this happened, but rather for the deceptively real illusion of the, say, perfect woman. Entertainment, laughter, flirting, sex, cuddling, often conversations, listening to details of their profession, about their wife and children. Needless to say, I feel very honored that customers entrust me with very intimate things. I hear things that some men probably have never shared with anyone before. “If customers treat their wife like they treat me, they will have the perfect marriage.” Some married customers try harder to please me than they do the women they love and promised to spend the rest of their lives with.
Every now and then, after the sex, a customer starts holding my hand tight, or making too many jokes about how we should run away together. Yes, sometimes customers fall in love with me, they promise to divorce their wife, empty their bank account, and devote themselves entirely to me. But they don’t have to deal with me everyday day. They don’t see me in my joggers, crashed out on my couch, without make-up, messy hair eating a juicy burger.
How do I look during sex? Not surprisingly, my body can do much more than just "look". It can smell, taste, sweat and be really wet down below… 💦 Oh, and I also make strange loud noises. But in a world dominated by porn and perfection of all things, I am the opposite expectation. because I don’t look good at all during sex. 😂 Do I look cute with a throbbing cock in my mouth? Or my facial expression when I’m climaxing? Or do I look cute with cum all over my face? 💦 Well? Do I? But seriously, if you ask me, should sex NOT look "good"at **all? but down and dirty? Let’s face it, hot, wild sex is dirty, raw and sweaty - animalistic! 💋**
But before I did this work, I would only touch a used condom with two fingers, and during my marriage I was as quiet as possible, afraid that the neighbors could hear us busy. I really loved my ex-husband, but sex, we did it once a month. After My divorce, I started having the sex I really wanted.
I hope you enjoyed reading this post; I write about what’s it like to be a prostitute. Why? Because I can't talk about it with my family and friends. I’m 42 and a single mom of 2 and joined REDDIT so I can tell in this community my story undisturbed.
I created my own community on REDDIT: “Life_as_a_Sex_Worker” hope to see you all there, many more post will follow. Any questions, suggestions? Send me a private message, big hugs to you all XXX

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The following two brain scans were provided by the Neuro-Warfare branch of the Halcyon Security Division (HSD) for the purpose of analyzing the thoughts, behaviors, and information of notorious gangsters Vincent 'Troy' Cohen and Bruno (Deadname: Koraak Tel-Char). At the point of the recording of this archival shared, Bruno has since received his rebirth therapy, and Vincent is currently serving a long-term rehabilitative and reeducative sentence in the Erebus Supermax Prison on Io.
Warning: the contents of this archival shared may be especially disturbing to some audiences. Viewer discretion is advised.
Warning: the contents of this archival shard are for the sole purpose of analyzing the thought patterns and memories of certain degenerate criminals in an effort to ascertain vital information that can be used to eliminate their organizations. Only staff with clearance level Omega may view this archival shared, and the viewership of this archival shared by anyone of inadequate clearance level will lead to twenty years in prison and a fine of over a hundred thousand credits.
Booting up memory scan: Vincent 'Troy' Cohen, November 4th, 2446…
Loading and processing firmware data… translating… memories and subconscious simulated…
Beginning archival shard presentation…
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"Do you have visuals of the target, Troy?"
I knelt down in the alleyway, the bodies of me and my partners shrouded in long, waterproof, ashen-gray overcoats the shade of dirty street scum that we wore to ward off the constant heavy rainfall the color of osmium. Our faces were covered in a mix of scrapped respirators, visors, or full metal face masks carved with intricate designs to hide our identities. On our waists were our badges of honor: leather belts studded with interlocked rivets made from blackened titanium, each buckle forged of silver and shaped into the head of our gang's symbol, the black mamba. We hid amongst the shadows of the dark midday of Halcyon City, the heavy, oppressive rains blanketing the roads paved obsidian-black with asphalt and weathered concrete walkways. The street lamps were always on, like beacons of false hope in a storm of melancholy.
The city was dark and dreary as always, the planet of Proxima Centauri B, renamed Dawn's Lamentation over a century ago, orbited the red dwarf star of Proxima Centauri, and the atmosphere was thick with natural smog and ever-storming rain clouds. That didn't dissuade people from living here: there was plenty of money to be had for shrewd industrialists and hardworking pioneers, even in the urban sprawl. But that life also came with risks, especially for those on the bottom of the totem pole.
I was a ganger, and we were criminals; full stop. I won't assault you with some spiel about how we're the good guys fighting oppression because, at the end of the day, we could be just as bad, if not worse, than Halcyon's Security Division, or the HSD for short. We were traffickers, killers, extortionists, and money launderers. We dealt with everything from stolen tech and military-grade hardware to hard drugs and sentients.
Yes, sentients. We trafficked sentients, but not in the way you might think. They weren't prisoners, in fact, we were their saviors if they had the cash. We had developed a reputation for fighting the power, but it was still business: sure, freeing captives from the clutches of the Protectorate. The disruption of its many oppressive organizations held a certain satisfaction in my heart for sure, but we didn't help those who couldn't pay unless someone else paid on their behalf. It was about making sure me and my gang, my family, could live a decent life for another day.
It helped that most of us joined after leaving the state yard for partaking in acts of 'degeneracy' and 'anti-xenopet illegalities' as if those terms meant anything anymore other than that we were a threat to the local status quo. It was hard to pick up a job as a former inmate when even in something as harsh and backbreaking as a job in the iridium mines near the poles when the employment office had you blacklisted as a degenerate, which lead to the formation of many of the gangs: we needed to make a living somehow, and when all social programs were cut off from you unless you submitted for 're-education' and the only way to put food on the table was subverting, breaking, or even downright fighting the law, you did what you had to do or you died on the streets a scorned beggar.
It wasn't like the HSD made it easy for us on even a good day: the local HSD units were armed to the teeth with advanced, military-grade hardware that you'd often see on the front lines of the Second Authority War: armored assault transports, a myriad of advanced war droids, all sorts of chemical countermeasures that made tear gas seem like putting the garden hose on mist mode, and of course advanced firearms. Add that to the fact that they were authorized to use deadly force when they deemed it necessary and you had a ruthless, heartless, and nearly unstoppable enemy. But we could make that work: we weren't trying to stop them, just to withstand them.
"Yeah, I got eyes on the prize, Koraak; seven armored transports, two for droids, five for prisoners."
Today wasn't a day for a normal job: we were getting bolder, cockier, more ambitious. Our numbers had swelled for the last few years after the raid at Barnard's Star and the fall of the Blood Dragon Mafia. Their leader, Saito Yasuhide, had committed seppuku as their manor burned, and his twin sons had gone down fighting rather than allowing themselves to be captured simply to face a firing squad. In the aftermath, many of the family's associates had fled to the surrounding systems, and with the sheer size and scope of the criminal underworld found here, it was no wonder that many people who had developed skills of the less legal variety had decided to form ranks with the gangs, and with them they brought guns, tech, knowledge, contacts, and even something that we thought wasn't possible beforehand: a semblance of peace between the gangs, or at least the closest thing to peace that gangs could cultivate effectively. With the fall of the Blood Dragons, we saw the writing on the wall, and the writing couldn't have been clearer: work together or die together.
"Sounds like a massacre, Troy: are you sure we can handle seven?"
"We ain't got no choice, Cinder: this job's double the usual rate, and that's not including the weapons and gear we could scrounge if this goes well," I hissed, my eyes scanning for any resistance. There were at least four guards for each van, not to mention at least eight droids in total, meaning that we were already outnumbered, but we had the element of surprise: we could make it work. "So put your balls in your purse and get ready to spill some blood."
Koraak snorted at our antics, which sounded like someone pulling the ripcord on a lawnmower. He was a veteran Russu Corsair, and while his past of slaving, raiding, and killing was unsavory, so were the lives we'd lived, so who were we to judge? All we cared about was that he was a brutal and capable fighter and a loyal brother in arms. It turned out that being a ganger wasn't much different from being a Corsair: you lived and died by a code of honor, you fought to the death for your brothers, and you lived to die for the sake of your gang and your family, simple as that. In a strange, ironic way, it was an incredibly honest way of life: we were under no illusions as to what we were, what we did, and why we did it, and we'd long since accepted it. The Russu related to us in that aspect, in many ways I could respect, which is why I hated what the Protectorate was doing, and why I couldn't grasp how most of humanity could just collectively lose their marbles so long ago. What had happened for us to deem all other life below us in such a demeaning and infantilizing way?
The Russu were a race of tall, muscle-bound Saurians with avian features, and Koraak was no exception: reaching almost seven feet in height and weighing over four hundred and fifty pounds, he could be an absolute menace if he so desired. His skin was covered in stubby, knobby scales and dense plumage, with elegant feathers adorning the ridges along his back as well as his forearms, elbows, knees, and the crests on his head. He almost looked like how paleontologists described velociraptors, with razor-sharp talons, feathers shaded in vibrant greens, reds, and purples, and a maw full of sharp teeth, but at the tip of his snout was a sharp, beak-like growth meant for ripping flesh off the bone.
The Russu were strange as hell, but they also looked almost cute in the same way a fully grown alligator was cute: they were obviously dangerous, but humans would always have this innate desire to anthropomorphize them and to pet them for some inexplicable reason, although common sense usually prevented that, at least amongst the very few of us left that were sane.
"Shut up, Troy! All I'm saying is that that'll be rough, and you know it," hissed Cinder. Cinder was a tall black man whose coffee-colored skin was covered in tattoos. He wore an ebony mechanic's jumpsuit with metal inserts underneath his grimy overcoat covering his body and a faded black respirator on his face. His eyes were a startling blue that seemed sorely out of place, and his hair was braided into thick cornrows along his scalp. He wore a pair of heavy black combat boots and palmed his compact shotgun in his hands, the square barrel less than seven inches. Like a lot of the weapons the Black Mambas carried on their persons and dealt in, they fired caseless ammunition; in Cinder's case it was 16x40mm caseless shotshells filled with depleted uranium micro-flechetes no thicker than a toothpick. Cinder nervously fiddled with the detachable tube magazine underneath the barrel, his hands shaking. Despite the shit I have him, I didn't blame him for being anxious: I was anxious too, even if I refused to show it. The biting cold of unease and pessimism was in my stomach, and I ran all the way that this job could go wrong in my head over and over.
"Just hold yourself together, this ain't anything we haven't done before, there's just more of it," I reassured Cinder, "besides, we're not alone; we have reinforcements across the street. We'll make it out of this alive."
Cinder nodded almost absentmindedly, his eyes downcast and his breathing shallow. I turned from him and back to Koraak, who was making sure he had everything on his person; he had a synthetic leather bandoleer across his chest that contained the heavy eight guage depleted uranium slugs he kept loading and unloading into his much larger, longer, and more traditional shotgun he nicknamed ‘carnage’ and several leather straps that held his Tu'shan daggers: traditional Russu pyramidal blades forged from a silvery alloy with all three edges serrated and the tip barbed to leave behind horrible, gaping wounds that gushed blood. They were wickedly sharp and absolutely straight like a stiletto, and the hilts and pommels were beautifully decorated. He wore no clothes underneath his overcoat to cover the countless scars and blemishes he's earned in combat across his chest and abdomen, and instead of a normal respirator or visor, he simply wore a hood over his head and some traditional Russu facial armor to protect his mouth, eyes, and cheeks.
"You ready to fight, Koraak? The caravan will pick up and leave soon."
Koraak was silent for a moment before nodding, a human gesture he had picked up after serving as a soldier with the Black Mambas for years. "I'm always ready to fight," he said before lifting up his shotgun and aiming down the sights at the reinforced front wheels of the first armored car in the caravan. He exhaled and fired, the slug ripping through both front tires and causing them to deflate and fall apart. The echo of the shot rang through the alleyway and the street, causing pedestrians to panic and flee the scene as heavily armored guards poured out of the side doors of the armored cars and unholstered their carbines.
"Go, now!" I shouted, and both me and Cinder rushed out into the fray, our guns raised. Koraak was right behind the two of us, providing covering fire with his shotgun. Several guards fell quickly, Koraak's precise fire and the sheer force of the depleted uranium slugs putting them down for good as their heads were vaporized or their chest cavities were turned to mush. He emptied the tube with one final shot that painted the grey matter of a security guard on the door of one of the armored cars, then racked the shotgun and expertly loaded it in threes, his hands deft and agile as he reached for more slugs faster than any human.
With the cacophony of our initial assault, more Black Mambas poured out from the alleyways and the subways, armed to the teeth with all manner of weapons; shotguns, submachine guns, pistols, machetes, baseball bats, and all manner of homemade explosives. Molotovs and more potent concoctions shattered against the asphalt, herding in the caravan guards with their volatile contents as they were quickly gunned down. The assault was working, and we were winning.
Then I heard the robotic whine of a combat droid activating, and my heart sank. One of the armored cars in the back activated the four combat droids it held, the robotic assault units detaching from their charging ports on the sides of the large van and began to form up, each armed with a terrifying array of deadly weapons meant to quash any and all resistance. They were blocky, soulless, utilitarian things that stood at eight feet tall, with flat feet meant for stomping and blades, grasping claws designed to lacerate flesh and shatter bone. On each shoulder was a weapon: on the left was a multi-barrel rotary grenade launcher loaded with 15mm concussion grenades, and on the right was a burst-fire splinter cannon. They were all painted a dull grayish-green, the color of Halcyon's Security Division, although some had a few decorations on them: the one closest to me had a bit of graffiti on the side that said Mr. Hugs in Comic Sans, which I couldn't decide whether that made it more or less terrifying. They split up without hesitation and began to scan the chaotic battlefield, their single, red, beady lenses the security forces had the gall to call eyes focusing on specific targets to eliminate.
An entire group of Black Mambas was torn to pieces by a cloud of flechettes as one of the droids fired a withering three-round burst of shotshells from the four gauge splinter cannon mounted on its shoulder. Another picked up a Black Mamba in its hand and crushed her skull effortlessly before tossing her limp body to the side, its single, red, remorseless robotic eye tracking a new target. Most bullets that struck their thick armored chassis simply bounced off, and those that could pierce the armor didn't seem to phase the droids whatsoever, merely notifying them of a new potential target.
"Damnit," I shouted as I gunned down another guard only for two more to take his place. "Cinder! We gotta pop open the cars and scram! Get the maglock cutters!"
Cinder rushed and slid over through a dirty puddle, pulling out a maglock cutter from the inside of his coat and slipping it onto the back door of the first van. It immediately went to work, drilling through the maglock with a high-powered plasma torch nozzle, and within ten seconds we heard the telltale clunk of the maglock separating. I yanked the door open and ordered I side, ready to escort the prisoners out… only for my face to contort in shock and horror.
The back was empty. There was not a single soul inside of the back brig of the armored car.
"What the fuck…" Cinder gasped, his eyes wide with shock. "What the actual fuck… what the fuck is this, Troy?"
"I… I don't…" I stuttered the sounds of battle and carnage drowned out by the sound of blood rushing in my ears. All five cars were supposed to be filled with recently captured Russu from the front lines ready to be housed in the local Xenopet-Megaplex for processing and conditioning. The fact that this one was empty…
Suddenly, it all hit me at once with the force of a freight train, but it was too late. "We were set up, Cinder; our fucking client either squealed or was crooked to begin with…"
"Fucking bitch!" Cinder shouted as he spun around in an enraged arch, anger growing in his eyes. He aimed his shotgun at an approaching security guard and reduced his upper body to a fine red mist with a cacophony of shotgun blasts. "We gotta get everyone who's left out of here! Do you know what this means? The Jurors will be here soon, and then we're all going down! We gotta go, fuck the job!"
I grit my teeth. Not the Jurors, anything but the Jurors.
"Fine, gather everyone who's left and we'll slip through the sewers, the droids are too bulky to follow us there…"
As I spoke, my eyes wandered to the seventh and final armored car, the second of the droid cars, and my blood froze. Not only were all four ports empty, but they were also smaller and more shallow than the ports for the combat droids. That could only mean one thing.
"Oh fuck! Cinder, we gotta get our Russu members out of here! They've got arachnid droids!"
Arachnid droids were the stuff of nightmares. Resembling blocky, robotic arachnids the size of a manhole cover, they were specifically designed to take down sentient aliens, specifically the Russu, using sickeningly non-lethal means. They were equipped with full-body adaptive cloaking to blend in with their environments, paralytic agents that they could inject into their victims, built-in taser barbs, psychedelic gas ports for crowd-control, and a narrow-coned cacophony canon that disabled the Russu using incredibly high-pitched sounds that only they could hear, forcing them onto their knees and clutching the backs of their heads where their auditory organs were stored in agony. But worst of all was their stygian spinnerets: special ports near the end of their robotic abdomens that excreted a viscous, latex-like substance made up of millions of nano-bots. This substance could be used to render Russu blind, deaf, and mute by having it forced onto their faces, the black substance growing and enveloping their heads and working its way into every orifice. It was completely permeable to the standard atmosphere, but any Russu who had been 'webbed' was completely helpless and essentially captured, and the 'webbing' was both nearly indestructible and nigh impossible to remove without a triple-encrypted override key that was found in every arachnid droid's code, which was corrupted when the droid was destroyed or hacked into. Once you were 'webbed', you were essentially captured and the standard protocol was to leave you to the wolves since the nano-bots could be tracked, endangering the entire gang.
I turned just as I heard the deafening sound of Koraak discharging his shotgun, and I saw him squaring off against one of the assault droids. The droid has obviously been programmed to not use lethal force against Russu if possible, as instead of simply killing Koraak with it's shoulder-mounted splinter cannon, it approached with its claws extended, blades retracted. Koraak continued to back away and fire, pumping the droid full of depleted uranium slugs, its armor crumbling inward as the slugs pierced its chassis and damaged its internal cyberstructure. Eventually, Koraak ran out of slugs and instinctively reached to his bandoleer only to find that he had no more shells left at all, and he drew one of his knives and his sidearm, a simple high-caliber handgun. He tried to take down the droid with his handgun, but the bullets didn't even seem to affect the droid upon penetration, it's claws still extended as it attempted to apprehend Koraak.
In the corner of my vision, as I watched Koraak battle with the droid, I noticed a faint shimmer in the air on one of the black streetlight poles that was right behind him. I focused on it and blinked, believing my eyes had deceived me for a moment before realizing that it was actually a cloaked arachnid droid stalking Korvaak, ready to pounce and incapacitate him.
Before I could shout, it leaped from the pole and landed on Korvaak, causing him to shout in surprise while it began to coagulate its horrifying stygian webbing to disable Korvaak. Korvaak tried to wrestle it off of him, but the droid was agile and fast, clinging onto Korvaak and skittering around across his upper body as he attempted to grab it, forcibly wrapping the sticky black liquid across his face as he gagged like a spider wrapping up a fly. I rushed towards him to try and help, but I felt pain explode in my ribs as I was struck with the arm of the closest combat droid and launched into the chassis of a parked car, the metal denting from the sheer force of impact. I groaned in pain as I saw stars and my head spun, and just then I felt a blinding light be cast over me.
“Drop your weapons and kneel with your hands on your head, or you will be pacified with deadly force!” Shouted a loud, artificially deepened voice from above. “I repeat, drop your weapons and kneel with your hands on your head! Neither hostility nor hesitation will be tolerated!”
It was the Jurors, I could feel the air being pushed around from the thrusters on their drop ships, and I could hear screams and shouts as my fellow Black Mambas were quickly gunned down. I couldn’t see well since I was seeing double, but I could hear the slaughter as my eyes dimmed and I began to lose consciousness, my regrets crawling up my throat like vomit.
I’m sorry was all I could think as everything finally went dark, and the sounds of chaos, destruction, and combat faded away.
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Memory halted due to loss of consciousness. Booting next available memory in shard…
Booting up memory scan: Koraak Tel-Char Bruno, November 5th, 2446…
Loading and processing firmware data… translating… memories and subconscious simulated…
Beginning archival shard presentation…
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“Good morning, sleepyhead; it’s time for breakfast.”
My eyes shot open. I was not in the street anymore, nor was I home in my bed with my mate. I knew instantly that something was horribly wrong. I tried to stand up, but I couldn’t gain the leverage to do so: my ankles had been shackled together with magnetic cuffs and my arms were forced together in front of me.
I was wearing some kind of thick shirt. It was warm, fluffy, and comfortable on the inside, but it still made me incredibly uncomfortable that my arms didn’t have a free range of motion. I looked down to see that I was wearing some human garment I had heard about before, a straightjacket maybe?
The entire room was padded: the walls, the floor, even the ceiling. There was no bed or furniture; the floor was soft enough to serve as a bed in itself. There was nothing else except for the soft reddish-orange lights on the ceiling that somehow made me sleepy. I blinked slowly for a moment, my body screaming at me to just lay back down and lose consciousness, but I couldn’t do that: I needed to figure out where I was and how to escape.
Then I noticed who was speaking to me: it was a short human female, with crow's feet around her blue eyes, blonde hair braided down her back, and freckles all over her face. She had a soft smile on her lips, and her forehead was slightly crinkled. She wore a full-body white lab suit with a white overcoat and a pair of glasses for snugly on her face.
"There we go, now I can see those pretty eyes, such a beautiful shade of teal," she cooed softly, "You're such a handsome boy, even with all those scars: I'm sure you'll be adopted very quickly once we get you fixed up."
Fear gripped my heart as I began to piece all the evidence together. I had been captured; I was no longer on Halcyon, and instead, I was in one of the horrific space-born facilities I had heard so much about from the inside agents. I started to hyperventilate and squawk like a newborn hatchling, my eyes dilating in panic. This couldn't be happening! This has to be a nightmare!
The human woman merely wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into an embrace, cradling my head under her chin and speaking softly. I couldn't bite at her or claw at her: I was muzzled and wearing a straight jacket, so I had no choice but to allow her to coddle me.
"It's okay, sweetheart: I understand you're scared, but Julie's here to make all the pain and bad thoughts go away," she said as if she was comforting a child, which made anger blossom in my chest indignantly. "I'll be your caretaker for the next few months, and I'm going to make sure you're healthy, happy, and most importantly safe while you're under our care. I'm sorry to say that includes your restraints and restrictive clothing, but we have to make sure you aren't a threat to yourself or others before we can determine if it's a good idea to remove you from suicide watch."
I growled under my muzzle. Suicide watch? They must have had a lot of instances of Russu taking their own lives after being captured, something I wished I had been able to do before that damnable droid launched itself onto me and…
I shuddered at the thought of the black, viscous substance forcing itself into my nostrils and down my throat and windpipe, gagging me and rendering me completely helpless. It was so cold, so harsh, like slime, and when I had tried to tear it off of my face it merely attached itself to my claws and bound my talons together. I remember squirming on the ground as it enveloped me, unable to see, hear, or speak, and then everything went dark in an instant. It was the most horrible thing I had ever experienced, which was saying something.
"You alright, sweetheart? Oh, I know, you're probably hungry! Here, try some of this." She held up a piece of what looked like raw bacon and wiggled it in front of me before reaching out to remove my muzzle. In an instant, I attempted to snap at her only for pain to blossom in my forehead and my eyes to roll up in my head as I convulsed. It was like something was attempting to drill through my skull from the inside, and every breath felt empty and labored.
"Now, that didn't feel very nice, did it? This is why we have countermeasures in place because we can't trust you yet, sweetheart! Don't worry, we'll work on breaking you of all those bad behaviors and habits while you're here; after all, a well-trained pet is a happy pet!" She began to stroke the crests on my head as I slowly recovered, and she snugly fit the muzzle back onto my snout. "But I won't hold it against you this time, sweetheart; you're just scared and confused, but I'll make all the pain go away."
I struggled in the straight jacket, trying my best to break out of it, but it was no use. Eventually, I became exhausted and despondent, allowing my new caretaker to have her way with me as she gently ran her fingers through my feathers and along my ridges, quietly speaking to me in a hopeless attempt to cheer me up. She seemed genuinely concerned for my well-being, which concerned me even further: who could be this naturally twisted while attempting to be as benevolent and kindhearted as possible?
I felt the pain and terror build up in my chest, the anxiety from what horrific activities I imagined they had planned for me here. I couldn't take the infantilization, the lack of any autonomy, the dehumanization, and what I feared the most was if the rumors of 'rebirth' were true: would they take my personhood from me?
Suddenly, I felt her whisper to me. "Don't worry sweetheart, I know you're so scared and confused, but I promise you everything will be okay: it's going to be your birthday soon, and then everything will get better." She ran her fingers through the feathers along my crest lovingly. "It will be such a wonderful day, and then we'll choose for you the most wonderful family, and you'll spend the rest of your life happy in your forever home! Doesn't all of that sound wonderful?"
I wanted to die. I wanted to disappear. I didn't want to lose myself, not like this, not to these monsters!
"It'll be your birthday soon," she said wistfully as if she was remembering similar events to this in the past like I wasn't the first she'd done this too, "and you'll never be sad again."
I realized that I wasn't the first the stay in this particular cell, and I knew for certain that I wouldn't be the last: I'd end up like my brother, a broken, erased mess of a pathetic creature, reduced to nothing more than a pet for these humans to amuse themselves with.
"We took the liberty of picking out a nice name for you, sweetheart! Now, let me just slip this little programming chip into the port slot on your occipital bone, and... there we go! It will also help you calm down a bit and adjust."
I felt the chip begin to invade my mind, suppressing my thoughts. What made me me was slowly being ripped out of my mind. I couldn't remember my name my name is Bruno, and I needed to get out! I can't let them do this to me! Somebody help me! I was a good boy.
##Do not think. You are a good boy.##
I tried to scream, but my voice wouldn't work: I had trouble forming any words at all, the confusion clouding my mind like wet, slimy eels curling around my brain and sinking their teeth into its folds like needles. I couldn’t scream any longer, because I had nothing left: the chip was slowly beginning to take everything from me, robbing me of my identity and branding a new one into my psyche with a white-hot iron. Julie simply held me close, attempting to reassure me as I awaited the inevitable demise of my personhood. Soon I would be just like my brother: erased. My mind would be shaped into the mind of a loyal plaything, like a Dog.
##Relax. Allow caretaker [Julie] to comfort you. You will let go of your burden.##
Soon, everything was a blur. I quickly found myself resting my head in her lap as she whispered to me and fed me, my eyes bleary and my head fuzzy. I couldn't remember my name anymore My name was Bruno, and I needed to break free from this trance relax, and allow her to help me; good boys didn't resist help.
##Good Boy. Do not think. You are a good boy.##
You can't... I...
##Good boy.##
I wouldn't… good boys don't… I…
##Good boy##
I was a good boy… I was a good boy…
I was… I was… a good… boy…
Someone help me, please! I don't want to be erased!
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The following script is from episode #343 of Halcyon After Dark, a popular late-night and current events talk show hosted by Melinda Carter. This specific episode was sponsored in part by the Halcyon Security Division, with Director Lochlin O'Brien joining as a guest star to talk about the changing crime statistics in Halcyon City and the HSD's recent successes in busting organized crime as well as their plans for addressing the growing criminal underworld.
MC: Good evening Halcyon! I'm your host, Melinda Carter, and you're watching Halcyon's most popular late-night talk show, Halcyon After Dark!
The crowd claps and cheers as Melinda walks on stage and sits behind her desk, her glittering red dress waving as she does so from the special effects.
MC: Tonight we have a very special guest here to tell us about the state of crime in the city and his plans on resolving it: please put your hands together for the HSD's very own Director, Lochlin O'Brien!
The crowd cheers some more as HSD Director Lochlan O'Brien, a tall, muscular, caucasian male in his early forties with red hair and a well-trimmed beard steps into the room, waving at the crowd with a bright smile. He sits in the armchair angled next to Melinda's desk and gives her his full attention.
MC: It's so good to have you on the show, Director! Tell me, how are you doing on this fine evening?
LO: I'm doing excellent, Melinda: every day I wake up feeling fulfilled knowing I'm serving Halcyon to the best of my abilities and then some."
MC: That's the spirit, Director! Now, I know this question is just on everyone's lips, so I have to ask: how successful was the recent gang bust? I heard HSD forces took out dozens of gang members and liberated at least a dozen Russu Hounds from their abusive clutches, but I know that everyone in the audience and at home wants to know the numbers.
LO: I'd be glad to tell you, but I do have to preface this by saying that we still lost a lot of good officers that day, and while we did strike a crippling blow to one of Halcyon's biggest gangs, it doesn't change the fact that each death is a tragedy, and we're taking steps to prevent them in the future. That being said, those valiant officers did not sacrifice themselves in vain: we had over a dozen confirmed kills and several arrests, including the rescue of several corrupted Russu hounds.
MC: That's excellent, Director: proof that even when the number of degenerates and scum grow by the day, the HSD will always be here to keep the citizens of Halcyon safe.
LO: Absolutely, Melinda, and we're always working tirelessly to increase the efficiency and effectiveness of our units, as well as racing to stay several steps ahead of the many gangs of Halcyon at all times. My newest goal as Director is to vastly increase the funding given to our Robotics Department and our Neuro-Warfare Department to potentially reduce the number of casualties we may experience in the future, as well as to quickly and effectively detain, and if necessary, eliminate criminals. Within the next decade, I want to double the number of automated units each Security Platoon is assigned: droids are the future of public safety as well as countless other industries, and it would be foolish to be left behind.
MC: That is quite a lofty goal, Director: what about the displaced jobs from the increased automation? What will the union say?
LO: And to that, I say: what misplaced jobs? We aren't replacing our honored and beloved service members with droids, Melinda, we are simply supplementing our units with more droids to ensure that future gang assaults end with fewer HSD casualties and more gang members in prison or eliminated, simple as that.
MC: That makes much more sense, Director, thanks for clarifying. Now, I have one more question that I'm sure much of Halcyon wants to know the answer to before we take a short break: what plans do you and your fellow directors have to make long-term progress in reducing crime beyond just increasing funding? Have you proposed any plans to strike at the source of where crime and degeneracy flourish?
OL: That's an excellent question, and one I am proud to answer: my constituents and I have been working tirelessly on a two-step plan to greatly reduce crime levels in Halcyon. Step one would be to prevent people from becoming criminals and degenerates at all in the first place: a lot of young men and women, but especially young men, have lost either one or both parents or even a sibling, aunt or uncle, or even a close friend by the brutality of the Second Authority War, and while the service of their lost loved ones will always be recognized and honored, many of these young men and women are left bitter, angry and lost without the guidance these people give them in their lives. Oftentimes they seek to fill that void with others who claim to relate to them: career criminals. These criminals will fill their heads with lies and false narratives to make them feel like they're fighting back against the 'evil protectorate government' that took their loved ones from them by sending them off to war when in reality it was the rogue Xenopets of the Triarchy that took them away by resisting their just and inevitable unburdening.
In response, I have proposed a slew of special programs that will make sure local law enforcement and HSD officers are present and contributing to their local community, and we'll be providing easy and light job openings for youngsters and teens looking to make a career for themselves in the force when they grow up. We want to let these lost souls know that there are people who care about them, people who understand them and that you shouldn't turn to degeneracy to feel fulfilled. We want to help the youth of our great society soar to new heights!
MC: That sounds like a wonderful beginning to your plan, Director, but what about the second step?
LO: Well, the second step is to prevent criminals and degenerates from becoming repeat criminals. Sure, they've made their mistakes, some worse than others, but they're only human like the rest of us. Some of them have been through hell: some are traumatized veterans who don't know how to adapt to normal life, others were recruited when they were young and don't know that there's a better way to live, and even more are mentally ill. We're alone in this galaxy, and we can't leave so many people behind. That's why we've come up with an excellent solution: we've set up isolated communities on distant moons and frontier planets where these criminals can be reeducated, rehabilitated, and allowed to repay their debt to society. When they're deemed 'reformed' and have graduated from our program, they'll be granted a hefty stipend and their criminal record will be deemed irrelevant, allowing them to reintegrate and become functioning members of our proud society.
MC: all of these sound like incredible steps forward in the fight to better our society and make real progress, Director. Sadly, we do have to step away for a moment, but you best believe I'll be back, Halcyon, and we'll be asking the Director here some burning questions about allegations over the quality of life Erubus Supermax! Now, a word from our sponsors!
Halcyon Xenopet-Megaplex! Everything your xenopet could ever need in one place! Adoption is now free-
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Good, you’re still alive! The rest of this shard appears to be corrupted, which means this particular trail seems to have run cold here, but do not despair; you need to keep searching. Find out what happened. Find the truth.I cannot guide you any longer: they've already found me, and if I remain in contact with you they'll find you as well. Take the archival database, and see what you can piece together. Maybe if we discover what truly happened we can put an end to this madness once and for all. I'm counting on you. Don't cry for me, I don't fear death, but I fear what they'll do to me to get to you: there are far worse fates than death, after all.

Hi! So, first of all, I'm from Italy, so sorry in advance for my bad english. And secondly, sorry for the reaaaally long post.
Anyway, I've finally found the courage to try to approach game developing, something I've been wanting to do for years. It will be in my spare time since I've gotta work, but hey I gotta try it now before it's too late for my small brain to learn something new. I don't have the money or time to enter a school, so I'll try to learn as much as possible on my own, following online courses ecc. For the kind of game I have in mind I think I'll go with game maker. I used rpg maker and other "light" softwares many many years ago, completely forgot how to use them, but they wouldn't be flexible enough for my project anyway. So, as far as the game developing software goes, either I learn how to use it or I don't and the project dies right at the start. Fortunately, the gameplay ideas ar not too complicated to realize, but the real obstacle on my path, about which I'm asking for help in this post, is the creation of assets. I'm learning to draw (actually re-learning, I could produce something not too horryfing to look at when I was much younger, then I stopped drawing and now I've got to start over) so that I can create my own assets, since everything will be in 2d and in a kind of hand-drawn style. But still, I'll be real, I know for a fact that I won't be able to make great art, it would be a miracle to make something passable. That's why I'm researching some tools to help me achieve a better look for my future assets and to compensate my lack of skill (and yes, patience too). I know you can buy pre-made assets, but I want to at least try to make my own if I can. We're living in a time where each day there's a massive technological leap that makes a lot easier to achieve things that once were extremely difficult to do, especially with AIs. I studied cinema, so I know some softwares in the video editing field, but I know very little in the game development one, so I'd like to know which softwares could help me in this task. Example: I need to draw the face of a character to show during a dialogue. Even if stylized, I have (and fear I'll always have) difficulties drawing a face from scratch, like actually imagining it in my head. With ai tools I can generate some faces based on facial features and decorations given by me in the prompt, pick some pieces here and there from different results, toy with them in photoshop (I'm pretty skilled with ph) and drawing over the final result, adding my own ideas to it. It would also be useful to find a software that, starting from a "plain" expression makes other expressions (you can somewhat do that in photoshop too). Obviously I'd redraw every change, but it would be a starting point. Other example: I found this software that offers a massive help in creating a sprite sheet starting from a single drawing. Yes, you still have do make some corrections, that I can do, while animating it from scratch it's a different story https://www.youtube.com/shorts/iUks4wuYkUU
I've been ranting for too much, let's wrap this up by describing briefly what kind of game I'm designing, so that you know what kind of tools could be useful. But generally speaking I'm open to any tool that you might find useful, you never know what I could need for future projects. Anyway, the best way to put it would be an extremely story-driven game like To the moon (with a hand-drawn style, not in pixel art), but with a lot of dialogue options and some "actual" (not in an offensive way, I love Too the moon lol) gameplay, not only puzzles. It would be visualized from a semi top-down view, so I'll need to think about everything from that perspective, other than cut-scenes and dialogues. As for the cut-scenes I think I'll just have to draw the single moments and cross-fade them; as for the dialogues there will always be a small portrait of the face of the character who's speaking.
I hope it's clear what I'm looking for. Aaaaand now let's see what you come up with :)
P.S. I know that AIs are a sticky subject and I couldn't summarize in this post what I think of them. Let's just say that I think that for a small, self-published project their use is justified as long as the raw asset produced by them is reworked so much by the artist to the point that he/she made it their own. Artists have always used collages and references to help create original artwork, so I see them as a starting point, especially for unskilled individuals like me, not as a final product, at least if you're profiting out of your project. If your project is completely free, eh, you could get a pass depending on the circumstances. If you're a big company and you're using AIs to avoid paying an actual artist, well you can go f yourself :) But this is not the point of my post

He watched them gradually become motionless.
Then, he observed as the spark of life inside them slowly faded away. Samara was the first, followed by Dorn. Belle was the last.
Only when their shadows had become lifeless and hollow did Sunny allow himself to merge into the darkness, confronting the lethal cold.
They were miles away where they fought or buried.
Years later, he still remembered the faces that had looked up to him.
They truly believed they had a chance to defeat the beast. Those naive soldiers were convinced nothing in the world could overpower their Captain.
Yet, they were proven wrong in their final moments.
The oddest thing was that when Sunny remembered that moment, their faces were featureless.
No nose, lips, or eyes.
Nothing.
Just blank faces staring at him.
'What kind of madness is this?'
The Winter Beast struck Sunny on the head with its chill. His hair turned so brittle and stiff that it snapped off in several places.
His feet and toes, even in his most Supreme memories, accumulated pain. The numbness in the areas where his skin was exposed was concerning.
'What if I get frostbite from this cursed thing?'
The winds howled, the absurd and wild cold persisted.
But this time was different.
Sunny made his way to the eye of the storm.
He didn't summon his Odachi sword, as he didn't in his first fight. That time he still had his Sin of Solace and didn't summon it.
This time, instead, he entered the eye of the storm through his shadow.
This time, Sunny had only a minor issue reaching the eye of the storm.
Then Sunny realized his error.
Inside the eye of the storm, instead of rising temperatures, the temperature plummeted so drastically that gases like oxygen and nitrogen liquified and solidified on the ground.
There was nothing to breathe.
'Damnation.'
He swapped places with the shadow outside the eye of the storm. Taking a deep breath to fill his lungs, he leaped back into the storm's eye. The other shadow, already battling the beast, was replaced mid-strike as he brought down his Odachi.
The snake, now an transcended Odachi, struck the beast, yet it remained unscathed. Retreating to attempt an uppercut, he heard the rock beneath him crumble to dust.
'What kind of beast is this, that not even an transcended sword can mark it, and its mere presence shatters the solid ground?'
Sunny felt the biting cold pressuring him. It hampered his movements and dulled his mind, though he resisted masterfully.
'No wonder Tyris failed to slay it,' he muttered, his sword swings futile.
He switched with the shadow for respite and reflection.
"If only that accursed sword were here. Annoying as it was, it could slice through anything."
What was that Beast made of? Nothing could withstand such temperatures; everything became brittle, even Memories.
"Fiend will feast once I slay this creature. That fortunate wretch."
A realization dawned on him, widening his pupils.
'Why wait? The feast can begin now,' he thought, a sinister grin spreading across his face.
He plunged back into the storm's eye, trading places with the shadow. Inside, he summoned Fiend and commanded it to start devouring the Winter Beast's leg from behind. With the Holy flame within, Fiend thrived, turning the ground to mist with each step, as if enjoying a steam bath amidst the battle.
'That lucky devil.'
It wasn't just luck that the fiend managed to bite the Winter Beast; when it did, the heat from its maw and the cold surface of the beast clashed. Unaccustomed to warmth, the beast's surface shattered like glass, and cracks spread across it like a spiderweb to its knee.
A cry of anger echoed for kilometers, causing mountain peaks to crumble and avalanches to thunder down.
Sunny commanded the Fiend to burrow into the Winter Beast and consume it from within.
Aware that a sword couldn't win this battle, Sunny retreated into the safety of his shadow to dodge the cascading rocks and snow.
He observed as the Fiend entered the Winter Beast, and the beast's vain attempts to crush the Fiend by striking its own leg.
The Winter Beast was as helpless as Sunny and his allies had been in their attempt to slay it.
Memories of Samara, Belle, Dorn, Dr. Abell, and millions of others buried far away flooded Sunny's mind.
The Winter Beast's cries persisted for days, bringing with them wild swings in temperature from bitterly cold to merely frigid.
The beast found relief from the Fiend only when it was sated and needed to digest its meal. During these times, Sunny seized the opportunity to enter the beast and unleash his own destruction. Though not as effective as the Fiend, Sunny refused to remain a mere spectator. He merged with the shadows within the beast, using the tunnel created by the Fiend.
The interior of the Winter Beast was a stark contrast to its exterior. Sunny's snake sword cut through it effortlessly. Yet, the beast's putrid stench, akin to a sewer, stopped Sunny's onslaught. Shrouded in shadows, Sunny felt the stench corrupting him.
The smell wasn’t the only reason he stopped getting inside. He thought to himself why should he cut the misery of the Winter Beast? Let him be in pain. Let him understand what hopelessness feels like.
For that, he stepped back to observe the Winter Beast's suffering from a distance.
With each passing day, the Winter Beast grew feebler, its roar diminishing to a mere loud noise.
It took the Fiend three weeks to vanquish the beast.
When the beast finally perished, Sunny felt hollow. No message appeared to say, [Congratulations! You have slain the Winter Beast.]
Standing atop the corpse, there was neither joy nor a sense of victory.
Looking back from the corpse, he saw millions gazing downward. They resembled the shadows from Shadow Soul.
This time, their faces were visible; he could make out the facial features that were absent during the battle.
However, they were devoid of life, staring down emotionlessly.
And then, the scenery shifted.
Darkness enveloped everything, and all those people were absorbed into his Shadow Soul.
'No... No... I didn't kill them. It wasn't my fault.'
Then, laughter echoed from his right. Turning, he saw a man who bore his likeness, eyes gleaming with glee, staring back at him.
"You fool. Did you think that by slaying the Beast, you could clear your conscience? Why should the dead care whether you avenged them or not? They are dead. You are as witless as ever," he said, his mockery ringing in the air.
Another bout of laughter came from his left. He turned to find yet another doppelganger, this one with eyes wild with madness.
"What does it mean to be free? You sought only to distance yourself from the past, yet here you are, slaying a Beast for personal vengeance. The dead won't mind, and your former crew will never know their Captain sought retribution for them. They'll likely believe another, mightier beast was his end, which isn't far from the truth," he said, smiling as madness twirled in his gaze.
"You believed you were free from slavery, yet you are enslaved by your own past and the people you were destined to meet. You yearn to see them, even for a fleeting chance. Is this why you betrayed your friends? Abandoning them at a critical moment, just like those foolish soldiers who entrusted their lives to you, only to be betrayed," Sin of Solace declared with evident delight. "There is no hope for you."
Sunny glanced back at Samara, Dorn, Belle, and Professor Abell. They appeared as lifeless as they had been in his soul space.
Then, he sensed a massive presence behind him.
Turning, he was met with the sight of an enormous bird, its feathers disheveled, and madness in its eyes staring back at him.
He had no time to summon his sword or dissolve into shadow before he was forcefully thrown to the ground.
The bird's claw dug in, seizing what it had missed before. It shredded his shadows, taking his echoes, and stripped away his memories, seizing his core shadows one after another.
He was left with nothing but the mocking laughter of two people who reveled in his suffering.
As the cursed bird reached for his last core shadow, it emitted a blinding light. A crack spread from its center to its edges like a web.
The core burst outward, incinerating everything in its wake, as if cleansing a sacred site.
Sunny opened his eyes to the harsh glare of the sun's light.
He took a few deep breaths, rubbed his face, and rose from the bed.
‘I should let the Nightmare to hang around more.’ He thought to himself as he sighed.
His room was not very large and not very luxurious. However, it was very cozy. There was a bed, a nightstand, a case with various books crowding the shelves, a writing desk, and simple dresser. The furniture was made of natural wood, crafted with affection and care. There were a decorations added here and there, as well as plenty of signs of the room being well lived-in.
****
Edit: Let me know if you would like another fan fiction.

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Hi everyone,
We found out that my mum has metastatic lesions in her liver with colon primary Wed last week. She also has spots in her bone, lungs, and one adrenal gland.
My mum had a stent placed in her colon Thurs last week due to obstruction, and unfortunately without a biopsy taken. A few days ago, the initial stent was replaced by another one due to migration. A biopsy was extracted, but we found out today the sample wasn’t diagnostic! She’s now referred for a liver biopsy.
We were also told she has had a small blood clot in her IMV since at least a week ago. We‘re waiting to start on blood thinner once Portacath and liver biopsy are done.
If we were to go through the public sector for consultation, procedures, and treatment, we’d need to wait around 2-3 months in total, so we consulted an oncologist privately this Wed, and arranged to have a Portacath inserted next Thurs, then start Folfox the following Mon (10th June). Our oncologist suggested we start Folfox regardless of the biopsy result, as we can tailor the chemo or change to Immunotherapy if needed, once result is out. Another option is to start 5-FU prior to Folfox. However yesterday the oncologist then decided that the wait to start Folfox isn’t going to make a big difference.
It feels like every day counts and starting even days early could make a big difference?
Is my thinking correct in starting treatment asap, and is there anything I’m missing here, whether it’s taking more consideration into quality of life, making sure we have biopsy results before we start, or just trusting our oncologist?
From my understanding, the only reason we‘re starting treatment on 10th June is due to availability of bookings for chemo administration next week, oncologist not working in private on certain days, and the opinion of the oncologist (That it won’t actually make a difference). This feels like an assumption, although based on her experience and medical background. There seems to be barriers that could be mitigated through referring to another oncologist clinic that may have availability etc, since we are going private?
Due to the lack of biopsy, we are delayed treatment, despite going the private route. Every one is different, but are delays like this common? Because I’m worried this may be an aggressive cancer, we would appreciate starting with at least 5-FU next week potentially using a PICC for the first round, if Portacath isn’t done.
Would we need to go through mum’s current oncologist or GP to get referred to a different oncologist for second opinion or earlier dates for chemo?
Additionally, since last week, I’ve noticed my mum has occasional facial and finger twitches while she’s asleep. The doctors say they would be more concerned if that happened while she was awake. Her electrolyte levels are normal. Is this something I should still be worried about?
Before our consult with the oncologist, we were told by a colorectal surgeon she may have around 6 months without treatment and approx. 2-5 years with treatment. We decided not to touch on life expectancy with the oncologist until we know how well my mum tolerates her first treatment. (This is also because we don’t want to get into a negative head space + I’m also scared to know their opinion). Has anyone else had a similar approach, or have you asked about prognosis off the bat?
I’m her primary support, as no one else in the family can dedicate enough time to help out and mum has no clue how to even begin tackling this. I would love to know your experiences with colon cancer, or if you’ve also had a parent go through something similar.
Sorry for the long post And thanks for reading :)
TLDR: Mum diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer with mets to the liver, bone, lungs, and 1 adrenal gland. Due to delays in getting a biopsy, Folfox has been delayed until 10th June. How do I go about getting referred to a different oncologist for second opinion and potentially starting chemo next week?

Hi everyone,
We found out that my mum has metastatic lesions in her liver with colon primary Wed last week. She also has spots in her bone, lungs, and one adrenal gland.
My mum had a stent placed in her colon Thurs last week due to obstruction, and unfortunately without a biopsy taken. A few days ago, the initial stent was replaced by another one due to migration. A biopsy was extracted, but we found out today the sample wasn’t diagnostic! She’s now referred for a liver biopsy.
We were also told she has had a small blood clot in her IMV since at least a week ago. We‘re waiting to start on blood thinner once Portacath and liver biopsy are done.
If we were to go through the public sector for consultation, procedures, and treatment, we’d need to wait around 2-3 months in total, so we consulted an oncologist privately this Wed, and arranged to have a Portacath inserted next Thurs, then start Folfox the following Mon (10th June). Our oncologist suggested we start Folfox regardless of the biopsy result, as we can tailor the chemo or change to Immunotherapy if needed, once result is out. Another option is to start 5-FU prior to Folfox. However the oncologist then decided that the wait to start Folfox isn’t going to make a big difference.
It feels like every day counts and starting even days early could make a big difference?
Is my thinking correct in starting treatment asap, and is there anything I’m missing here, whether it’s taking more consideration into quality of life, making sure we have biopsy results before we start, or just trusting our oncologist?
From my understanding, the only reason we‘re starting treatment on 10th June is due to availability of bookings for chemo administration next week, oncologist not working in private on certain days, and the opinion of the oncologist (That it won’t actually make a difference). This feels like an assumption, although based on her experience and medical background. There seems to be barriers that could be mitigated through referring to another oncologist clinic that may have availability etc, since we are going private?
Due to the lack of biopsy, we are delayed treatment, despite going the private route. Every one is different, but are delays like this common? Because I’m worried this may be an aggressive cancer, we would appreciate starting with at least 5-FU next week potentially using a PICC for the first round, if Portacath isn’t done.
Would we need to go through mum’s current oncologist or GP to get referred to a different oncologist for second opinion or earlier dates for chemo?
Additionally, since last week, I’ve noticed my mum has occasional facial and finger twitches while she’s asleep. The doctors say they would be more concerned if that happened while she was awake. Her electrolyte levels are normal. Is this something I should still be worried about?
Before our consult with the oncologist, we were told by a colorectal surgeon she may have around 6 months without treatment and approx. 2-5 years with treatment. We decided not to touch on life expectancy with the oncologist until we know how well my mum tolerates her first treatment. (This is also because we don’t want to get into a negative head space + I’m also scared to know their opinion). Has anyone else had a similar approach, or have you asked about prognosis off the bat?
I’m her primary support, as no one else in the family can dedicate enough time to help out and mum has no clue how to even begin tackling this. I would love to know your experiences with colon cancer, or if you’ve also had a parent go through something similar.
Sorry for the long post And thanks for reading :)
TLDR: Mum diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer with mets to the liver, bone, lungs, and 1 adrenal gland. Due to delays in getting a biopsy, Folfox has been delayed until 10th June. How do I go about getting referred to a different oncologist for second opinion and potentially starting chemo next week?

Important note: This is not a medical recommendation post. It is a happy accident. If you suffer from rosacea and want to treat it, please seek a dermatologist.
Personal note: I just thought this was funny, and wanted to share with my other red skinned fellows out there, treated or untreated. If mods feel it's not helpful, please delete.
On with the story:
So about 3 weeks ago I went to brunch at a usual haunt. I got the eggs benedict because I daily try and prove to people how white I am as a person. Turns out, said eggs were bad, and I spent the evening, following day and day after that going through the worst fever of my life. We're talking movie style, folks. I thought they were exaggerating, but nope it really is that bad. I was either in bed or in the bathroom and I was seeing some wild shit. I dreamt my cat offed herself, all the knives in the place came to life, the bed was sinking and eating me because I was too heavy for it. It was a whole thing. Stephen King, call me.
Anyway, I finally felt well enough to go to the doctor without needing to crap my pants every 5 minutes, so I was rewarded with a 2 hour wait in which the bathroom was visited many times. (somehow, by magic, I did not miss my name being called)
I see the doctor, I explain the problem, they say "huh, sounds like you have food poisoning" and after doing a number of tests proving stuff, they give me a prescription and some antibiotics.
I have not been on antibiotics since I was a little kid.
So after 3 days the sickness mostly goes away, I still have little hiccups now and then, but I'm mostly over it.
But I tell you what. My skin is fking flawless.
Pain. Gone.
Itchiness. Gone
Annoying bumps. Gone
I didn't really appreciate it until a few days ago when a co-worker said "hey you're looking really good, new diet or something?" and I was like "Huh, you know, I do look better." I was just so tired and strung out from the food poisoning (doctor only gave me a day off, still miffed about that, slept 16 hours my first day off afterwards) that I didn't really think about the fact that my skin didn't bother me anymore.
It's starting to come back now, good things can't last forever. But I did appreciate the silver lining to an otherwise crappy (non pun intended) few days of food poisoning hell.

On the evening of Mother's Day, about 3 weeks ago, hives began to appear on my 6.5 month old baby's face. They were no where else on his body. The pattern of hives was in such a way that looked like something might have been on his hand while rubbing his eye (the hives were beneath his left eye on his cheek and on the bridge of his nose, with a few sparse ones above his eye and maybe 1-2 on his right side). At first it looked like a rash, not hives per se, so I cleaned the area with warm water and applied colloidal oatmeal cream (Tubby Todd all over ointment).
The following day, the 'rash' had turned into welts and definitely resembled hives. Per the advice of our pediatrician, we applied hydrocortisone cream to the area and gave him benadryl. Interestingly it would appear to have improved when he woke up in the morning, but by the afternoon it would be completely flared up again. Over the course of a few days, it got worse. More red, more swollen.. Finally brought him into the pediatrician on Thursday of that week for an oral steroid, which was effective in treating the hives. Or just about.
The following week (week of 5/19), his skin was clear except for maybe light redness where the worst of the hives were, but overall it definitely felt like the episode was behind us. Cut to this week (5/27), and we started to notice some bumps again... initially I thought they were just lingering redness/blemishes, but as of yesterday they are definitely welty hives. I spoke to our pediatrician this morning who suggested we try benadryl in the morning and see if it had any impact on the hives since the flare ups were the worst in the afternoon. If it made an impact, we would know that the hives were a histamine-related reaction. Benadryl had no effect and they're actually worse. I'm waiting for a call back from the doctor to see what his next prognosis will be.
I'm stumped and frustrated bc it feels like it could be from literally anything, and I don't know if I'm still using/doing whatever is responsible for the flare ups. Here are some bullet points:

• Yes we started solids, however the hives are no where else on his body and we didn't give him any solid food on Mother's Day, he was strictly breastfed. Our pediatrician and couple of friends who are nurses/PAs said if it were from food, it would be wide spread and would likely occur within minutes of eating the food.
• We have not changed laundry detergents at all since he's been earth side. we use a free & gentle one and a baby-specific one.
• I change his crib sheets regularly.
• We have a dog, same dog since before he was born.
• Only thing out of the ordinary that happened on Mother's Day was that he clutched the leaf of a hydrangea. This was the culprit in my eyes bc after googling there are some articles that mention the toxicity of hydrangeas and they can cause skin irritation. We obviously threw the plant away. But if that's what caused it the week of Mother's day, why are they suddenly coming back now?
• If it were a bug bite of some sort that caused the hives, same thing, why would they be coming back? It would seem pretty unlikely for the same bug to bite/sting him again on the face...? We live in so cal by the beach and don't come into sight of insects often.
• He's teething right now (noticed he cut his first tooth on 5/29... and did not have any teeth coming through the week of Mother's day)

So now I'm thinking... what touches his face but not his body? Nursing pillow, car seat, crib mattress, sides of stroller padding.... I have not changed any of my own skincare products or bathing products. I asked my husband if he started using beard oil or changed anything up with his products (no, no). It's so easy to spiral and I'm just annoyed bc it's on my mind all the time and I feel so bad seeing these welts on his face, though they don't seem to bother him. I think about what could be causing it constantly and I feel like we are about to go on this journey of seeing an allergist, pediatric dermatologist, etc. and still not have answers.
Has anyone experienced the same thing and know what it was from?? Maybe I'll never know, but it feels like such a mystery that knowing anyone else who experienced the same thing would make me feel a bit better. Thank you for reading my novel :)

About two hours outside what is considered the New York City metro area, in a place just large enough to qualify as a town, is a train station. I’ve occasionally used it, taking the train into the city with friends for something like a concert or a fun weekend out when I was older. Now, at the age of eighteen and needing a job, I found myself submitting an application to work there. To my delight, the interview was straightforward and my work as a waitress seemed sufficient background in the customer service industry because I got the job without needing to jump through any hoops.
Jobs are always in short supply living in a small town, especially the variety of your options. In a big city, there are tons of businesses to choose from, but here the vast majority weren’t great. Many were labor intensive, and while I can lift fifty pounds, I’m not large by any stretch of the word and my arms wouldn’t be happy about it.
What I liked about the night shift at a train station was that I wouldn’t have to deal with too many people, but I’d have enough to keep myself occupied. Also, if any of the customers had an issue, I was the only one on staff and therefore the highest authority there. I could politely but firmly ask someone to leave if they became a problem.
The only concern I had was the list of rules that I was given when I started working there. There were rumors about working at the station at night, but I had ascribed them to the boredom of living in a small town. You make your own entertainment, lacking in things to do, and often that involves gossip and tall tales.
Nevertheless, I came in for a few hours during a day shift for training, and after my work ethic and such was met with his approval and I was officially hired, I was given a laminated sheet of paper by my boss listing what he referred to as, ‘important, special rules’.

1. An old woman will arrive at the station at 2:47 AM, she will not have enough money to pay the fare, let her in anyway. She will then board an unscheduled train at 3:00 AM. Do not attempt to turn her away under any circumstances.
2. A man in a trench coat will occasionally come to the booth to ask about trains that go to Los Angeles. Be respectful and polite to him when you explain our trains don’t go that far.
3. If a customer pays with anything other than money, no matter what it is, accept it and write down the details in the ledger.
4. A short woman with long hair will often appear at 4:30 a.m. and stand waiting for a train before leaving. Never disturb her or attempt to speak to her.
5. If the lights go out, turn on the lantern and proceed with business as normal. Do not go into the lobby for any reason.
6. It is rare, but a man dressed professionally with a suitcase sometimes comes into the station lobby and attempts to get something from one of the vending machines without paying. Allow him to get angry with the machine and don’t bother him. He will leave after a few minutes.
7. If a large group of teenagers that look dressed for a funeral enter the station, go through the motions to sell them tickets as usual even though they won’t pay. Ring up the transactions as $0.00.
8. If you start to hear the noise of a crowded station but no one is there, turn off the lights in your booth and sit on the floor. Don’t look out at the lobby. If someone attempts to get your attention, ignore them.

I’ll admit, reading over them prompted me to joke, “I like a good prank as much as the next person, but this feels like hazing.”
His facial expression didn’t change, though. My boss, the manager of the station, was a portly man with thick salt and pepper hair who always had a five o’clock shadow when I see him late at night. His wrinkly face looked deadly serious. “This isn’t hazing. I know you’ve heard the odd anecdote here or there, and I’m here to tell you that many of the things you’ve heard are true. Okay? It’s extremely important that you follow every one of these rules. I don’t care if you think they’re total bunk; act as if…as if I’m watching over your shoulder, all right?”
Considering my paycheck was riding on it, I assured him that I would do just that. For all I knew, these rules were the equivalent of musicians putting riders into their contracts to make sure the person reading it was attentive to details. If they missed something small and seemingly trivial, it was possible or even likely that they would miss something big and important. The only thing that was strange was that from midnight to 5:00 a.m., no trains ran at the station, so there shouldn’t have been any customers during that span of time.
Then, during my second shift, the woman arrived.
I’d been reading a worn paperback I’d gotten at the secondhand store, a fun sci-fi story that kept my attention and made the long hours pass more quickly. Then I was startled when she tapped on the glass, having not heard the sound of the heavy lobby door opening and shutting. “Oh, I’m sorry, can I help-”
The small digital clock on my desk read 2:47.
The woman was small and slim, her hair thin and curly with that odd purplish tint some older people go for at the salon. She was smiling, revealing a set of uncomfortable-looking dentures, and wore a summer dress with green and yellow flowers even though it was probably in the forties outside.
“Hello, dear,” she said. “I need a ticket to Albany, please.”
“Sure thing.” I glanced around the lobby, but there was no one else there. With a mental shrug, I went into the system on my computer and brought up the destination, selecting a ticket and adjusting it so the price was free. “Here you go. Have a good night,” I said with my customer-service smile.
“Thank you, dear,” she replied. She picked up a cane that I hadn’t seen, resting against the booth, and slowly made her way to the door. With surprising ease considering her slight figure, she pushed it open and went outside.
The door shut behind her, the sound of the latch echoing in the empty room, and I blew a raspberry at the unclimactic event. Then at 2:57, I made what was probably an unwise decision: I decided to go watch the woman to see if she’d left.
Coming out through the door that let me into the lobby, I then gently pressed the bar to unlatch the door that led to the platform and pushed it open. Then I slowly and quietly shut it behind me. Looking down the platform, I saw her waiting patiently for a train that would never arrive.
I made a small, contemplative sound before leaning against the wall, staring at her. I wondered if it was some sort of tradition for her, off-schedule so she wouldn’t run into anyone else. Or possibly she was senile, and some part of her brain made her come to the station for a train that had never run and never would. That was unlikely, I figured, since a senile old woman wouldn’t, or at least shouldn’t, be allowed to go to a train station on her own.
Then came the moment I was waiting for: 3:00 a.m. The large analog clock on the platform showed the time and as soon as the minute hand reached the twelve, the woman moved. Walking steadily forward, she got closer and closer to the edge of the platform, and I became more and more concerned. When she was two feet from the edge, I worriedly called out, “Ma’am!” but she didn’t falter her pace. Immediately, my pace grew faster, and when her right foot lifted and made to set down on empty air, my voice was panicked as I repeated, “Ma’am! Stop!”
She did, slowly turning to look at me. To my utter shock, it appeared that she was standing on nothing, putting half her body weight and her cane on a floor that wasn’t there. But that didn’t keep my attention for long. I’d stumbled to a stop when she had come to a halt, and I was a good twenty feet away from her, but from that distance it looked like there was something wrong with her eyes. There was no color to the iris and no white around them. They were completely black.
“Excuse me?” she rumbled.
Something in her tone sent a shiver down my spine and made the hairs on the back of my neck prickle as if an icy wind had struck me. I found myself instinctively stammering, “Sorry,” and staring at her in shock. Frozen in place, the seconds ticked by, and then she finally turned her gaze forward and away from me, and I felt like a physical weight had been lifted. Then she took two more steps into empty air and disappeared.
I stood there staring at the spot where she’d vanished for a good minute, going over everything that had happened, and feeling like I’d dodged a bullet. That’s when I realized I’d technically broken the rule. Do not attempt to turn her away under any circumstances. Telling her to stop walking was a violation. Perhaps it was my reflexive apology that saved me from her wrath, if there were indeed repercussions to breaking the rule.
Finally, I slowly turned and walked back inside, unlocking the door to the booth with the key on my belt and returning to my seat. Sitting in the silence that now felt eerie, I went over what had happened in my head several times. Was she a ghost? A demon? Something else? I had no idea. But I found myself questioning if the job was worth the risk if these sorts of things happened often.
Then again, I had the list of rules. All I needed to do was follow them, right? It was possible that I’d almost made an extreme mistake that night, but everything had worked out in the end. Now I knew that the rules I’d been given were entirely serious. So, I took in and let out a long breath, picked up my book, and started reading where I’d left off.
​
/storiesbykaren