In case you're looking for a temp phone to tide you over until the iOS version arrives "This Summer" or just want a cheap phone as a backup, Woot is featuring refurbished Galaxy phones today on their Electronics page. If you buy one, make sure it's one that's currently supported. The best value is probably an A71 for about $128, but there's also an S21 5G for $176 to $193. I've had good luck with Woot refurbished devices but I'm sick of Android and back to the receiver, so you may not be too thrilled with them either.

I drop my phone multiple times a day and generally abuse it. Screen weirdly never breaks with a case and no screen protector.
Don't have much need for camera and excessive speed, as long is it doesn't lag browsing, youtube, netflix etc.
Before this I had the AMAZING M51 for 400 bucks with the 7000mah battery. That's literally watching Netflix for 20 hours. Good luck draining that thing. It survived for 3 years until I dropped it in the sink washing dishes, charging wasn't to be trusted after a few days of drying.
Now I got the A54 for like 350bucks on black Monday?(The computer black friday thing, I'm not from the US). And its been great honestly.
Fast enough. Photos decent enough, can take a beating and bluetooth and even android auto both wireless and through cable are perfect. Galaxy buds 2 working flawlessly etc
I'll honestly don't think I'll ever spend for a flagship again even now I make good money (graduated and got lucky getting a great job right after).
Are there more people like me? Most post I see coming by on my timeline are about flaghips.
But that's not the reason I'm posting, the real thing I want to know is how the community views devices like the M51 and A54. And maybe even convince me to go back to a flasgship

Hi all
A fairly experienced Home Assistant user, with lots of devices using many different integrations. It seems to me that, for every product that is wi-fi enabled, there is an integration out there.
However, I cannot find an integration for my new MiBowl+ cat feeder from Closer Pets (formally PetMate). I've had to switch from a SurePet feeding bowl, as my younger cat could physically nose the cover off the brown and scoff her older brother's food! She's getting fat, and he goes hungry. This new MiBowl seems to fit the bill, but, while it's attached to iOS via a hub and WiFi, I cannot for the life of me find a way of integrating withHome Assistant. The main reason I need this is because my wife and I have android phones, and currently there is no android app!
Can anyone help?

The martial arts I have the most experience in is Wrestling, Bjj, Judo, and then Sambo. For striking, Muay Thai, kick boxing, boxing. In that order and I've done these for a few years, and so I'm well acquainted with the culture of all of these with the exception of boxing due to mainly training at an mma gym and not a boxing club. From all of these, the worst culture I experienced was in Bjj by far. Here are some of my observations.
Hierarchy
While Judo also has a hierachy and it is part of Judo culture, so you do line up in belt order, and so on, but this is more about a remnant of Japanese culture, and I find it isn't toxic, that's not to say there aren't clubs where there are toxic elements, especially in Japan, but in sports clubs, I don't think it's toxic. There's also no mocking lower belts, but instead they are encouraged and are included in the club as equals.
I can't say the same for Bjj, the hierachy is present in Bjj, and yet there are additional elements which make it toxic and so you have the higher belts making jokes about white belts and saying " that's such a white belt move" and so on or there are memes that are share where there's open mockery of white belts. I think this is uncouth and undignified since these are people who have decided to take part in a martial art, and instead of them being made to feel included and valued, they're basically worthless until they've proven themselves to be in it for the long run which is usually when they're blue belt, and then they're given respect. There is a bit of this in boxing where the coach will pay no attention to the beginners unless they show up for a few months and then the coach will say these are serious people and then pay attention. However, this is almost a self fulfilling prophecy in the sense that, the coach pays no attention, the beginners leave due to not receiving attention, the coach then says these weren't serious people and deserves no attention, however had they received attention, perhaps they would have stayed.
The hierachy is generally in the form of how different belts are perceived, and the respect they are given. There are constantly dumb memes and comments about doing "white belt shit" and the hierarchy system is strictly enforced through the culture where if you're a white belt, your opinion is worthless and you're sort of seen as a joke. In Judo, this is not the case. While there is a hierarchy, it isn't really part of the culture to look down on white belts or lower belts and to make jokes, but this is common in Bjj. Sambo and Wrestling doesn't have ranks but there's no mockery in that sense. I'm not talking about your instructor, team mates etc making a off handed comment, I'm sure that happens in every art but Bjj alone makes a big deal of saying things like "white belts do xyz, blue belts do such and such, purple belts skip warm ups, brown belts are fat" and so on, it's quite
Sexual jokes/gay jokes/mocking your own art
You have a ton of "gay jokes", I'm not the sort of person who is offended and I'm sure you have lots of people who make these jokes in other areas of life, but when you're doing this to your own art, it's pretty dumb and insecure. It's a sort of insecurity masked by jokes rather than tackling it head on. If we take wrestling, then the things which make Bjj sexual apply more to wrestling and yet in wrestling, there's no degrading your own art and trying to "recognise the absurdity". The angle I'm coming from is not, "that's homophobic" but rather, you're so insecure that you're mocking your own hobby and art rather than defending it. I get that in the U.S some people may make jokes about wrestling being gay etc, but where I'm from, Pehlwani (wrestling) is highly respected and you'd never see any comment like that, albeit the culture doesn't give room for sexual jokes, but even then, it's given respect which I feel Bjj does not do.
Hazing
When I got by belts in Judo, I did the grading, bowed, got my belt, and then bowed again. That was it. In Bjj, this doesn't happen, there's a sort of "frat culture" where getting a belt of an opportunity for a bit of hazing where you get whipped by everyone or there's a shark tank where you roll with everyone. The latter isn't degrading or harmful, but I find it odd that it's a thing to be hazed when being graded.
instructor worship
There is this element in Judo too, but the Judokas don't really use their position as a Sensei to act like philosophers and nor do they act like they deserve special treatment for being a black belt. I'm sure this exists in some places, but not in the West from what I've seen. In Bjj, not only do the instructors want a special form of respect, they use this position to insert themselves as specialists in all other areas.
Right wing culture
My Judo club is mostly left wing, my Bjj club is mostly right wing. The latter is full of racism, bigotry, conspiracy theories, and bigotry. Bjj does seem to attract the right wing crowd in a way that Judo does not do, perhaps it's due to Judo being more "proper" and an Olympic art, but I find it odd how out of all the arts I do, Bjj has a horrible right wing culture. While the people in the Judo club are left wing, they do not seem vocal about their beliefs and are generally not trying to make associations between being left wing and being a Judoka, whereas the Bjj guys are very vocal about being anti-vax, and they're constantly trying to associate doing Bjj with being right wing by linking it with being tough and manly and contrasting it with being weak and "liberal". This also exists in wrestling where I'm from albeit it's more mixed so you have some left wing people too, but in my Bjj club, I'd say 99% are right wing, and the people I've spoke to who are left wing are maybe around 5 or 6.
I get that all these elements will be present in every other martial art, Bjj is not unique in this and nor are other martial arts free from toxicity. These elements exist in those martial arts too, but I feel that this seems to be very common in Bjj and the extent to which it exists in Bjj surpasses the extent to which it exists in other martial arts.

I'm looking for a way to easily share my contact info. I really like apples approach with the name drop feature so I was wondering if it was possible to use this with an android. So maybe there's an app which sends the info in a way the iPhone could detect it. I'd really appreciate it if you could let me know if this exists.

*TL;DR; : Boyfriend(32M) extremely secretive about his FILES and phone ; VPN ; constant domains changing etc...tech help? *.
Bf very secretive of the files on his phone; VPN on; disabled all tracking; refuses to show banking statements etc... I(33F) tried "spying" on his activity as I did catch him watching pornography. NO BIG DEAL FOR MYSELF...Which I said I did not mind AT ALL, I'll watch it with you... He swears he only watches out content... Well I glanced at his phone and there she was... A stranger but a lie. And constant evolving and changing addresses or whatever they are... Domains! Lol. It's just too techy for me I need help? This isn't just any ordinary "I want to know" I need to know because I have three kids and his profession is that of which this kind of activity that is being viewed is extremely detrimental that it be known... He's hacked my Fing, and I did catch an IP MAC and Vendor name FINALLY. On a Linux? He uses Apple 12 pro and that's impossible to find anything but he syncs it to this laptop.... Help please? Here's a partial amount of newly found info on computer: Cloud Network Technology Singapore Pte. I do have IP and MAC
*TL;DR; : Boyfriend extremely secretive about his FILES and phone ; VPN ; constant domains changing etc...tech help? *.

We recently witnessed an incident involving ACP office of Kengeri callously handling an incident regarding women safety. A similar kind of indifferent attitude was confronted with the office ofACP BANASWADI on 16th January 2024. I received around 9 calls from the below-said number +91 80 2294 2147 between 14.06 to 14.43. The caller had difficulty in communicating anything other than Kannada. Though I was able to hear him clearly and also did not perceive noise disruptions either from their side or my side not sure why the caller felt the audio was not clear for him. My phone is configured to record the calls for quick review through Transcription and AI research besides to help in case of disconnections alongside to abate spam (UCC) and scam.. Total Call Attempts: 9 Missed/Dropped: 3 Received/Recorded: 6 In one of the call we could momentarily touch upon the topic of the call regarding the previous complaint I made several months ago regarding a scammer pretending to be from a non-existent Horamavu police station. I had done my research through Bangalore discussion forums to confirm it is indeed a spam and based on the same gave a tip-off to IPGRS that time itself. The original incident (root of the interactions) is as below.
I have been receiving a bunch of sub-minute calls from +91 95992 30065 between 15.19 and 15.20 on September 2023. All of them were no voice transmissions from the caller. Additionally the Hello was not reciprocated making one feel like an autodial-agent/recorded call. A few minutes later a threat-tainted message originated from the number. The response filed after a few days on IPGRS is as below. Interestingly other than the spurt of calls on January, there was no such update to me from the investigation team. The big question is that the number which threatened seemed to have mentioned they do not know about this. And the LawEnforcement has believed the same without verifying their CDR from the telephone company.
Shouldn't we consider this too as an act of Omission and #ommission or Negligence of Duty? Hence I had reported about this shoddy investigation (vide 97951) and escalated back to IPGRS vide 147245 And this one seems to have got assigned to Sarjapura Police Station and the response from them was to transfer to Department of Administrative Reforms (CPGRS) citing it is applicable to Government of India and not them.
Incidentally we can not check the progress of complaints without knowing which mobile number and/or email address was used to register the same on PgPortal. A comprehensive narration of the post with pertinent exhibits have been shared on X (erstwhile Twitter) with Bengaluru Law Enforcement over here.

I am a combat veteran with MST. I got out in 2005, applied for compensation as soon as I got out. I was granted service connection disability for PTSD effective the day after I discharged. I was granted 30%. I was ok with that until I became a mother and got sober back in 2012. I filed for an increase immediately after having my son and was granted 100%. I held on to the rating until 2019. When they called me in for a re evaluation. I went to my appointment ( the 1st one) completed jay and got recommended to be reduced to 70%. Well missed out on appealing the decision due to my dad dying. Leaving nothing behind but debt, a bed ridden wife, and 41 year old step son who is paranoid skitzo... Not on meds alcoholic, that didn't work and lived with mom. I had just beaten cancer and my children and I moved in with my dad bc he was ill. I was too busy trying to provide for 8 people under my roof. Or total house income went from$ 12,000 a month to $1500. Resulting in repo of my vehicle and my home in foreclosure. I had my hands full. Plus I thought I was better. Well when everything and everyone got settled somewhere and my kids had a roof over their heads, I started to notice that a lot of my symptoms were still there. And I hired someone to help me handle the increase. I filed ITF on March 15, 2023. Turned in a fully developed claim on September 17th 2023. Got my decision 2 months later 100% total and permanent. Affective date September 17 2023. Well I called the people I hired to let them know and they said touldnt assist me any further. So I requested a audit. I was told to go that route first and then denied. Was recommended to file HLR. I did so on Jan 13 2024. Stated that my ITF wasnt even in the evidence. I got a message to schedule my informal conference and my phone ended up being turned off for service. So I missed the conference. Received an email stating that he was going to go ahead and evaluate the claim without the conference. I ended up getting a review rescheduled for the following Monday. I didn't receive any one call so I called the vet number and got thru to him and he called me immediately after. He didn't have me scheduled. Anyway, he conducted the interview. Told me he had already finishedy case. He caught the mistake right away. Had done his part and was now waiting on the person above him to sign off. Told me it would be a day 2 tops to see the approval.. it's been a week and my status is still in the decision stage. When I call and ask they say it's ready for a decision and has been since Feb. Says 2 issues compensation issue and PTSD issue. What's going on?

Hi, so I have started getting the « apple ID not valid » or « your apple ID has been locked for security reasons » error when I try to download apps or verify my apple ID. I have tried to reach apple support but I cannot get to them because they say that support isn’t offered in my region. I live in Ghana and i don’t have access to a phone number in a supported region that can help me. I don’t know what I can do next. Help please?
Device model : Iphone XR Software version : ios 17.3

So I’ve been going to this small business for a while now, it’s great they have the best prices for everything.
First time: Amex works no complaints 2nd time: Amex works, worker tells me not to use that card, in my head I’m just like ok? 3rd time: Amex works, the worker starts yelling “your card charges too much fee man bring cash!” Very rudely but keep in mind this store has great prices for everything 4th time: I bring cash, worker is still annoyed keep in mind I haven’t been here in over a month. 5th time: I have no cash so I use my phone to tap with Apple Pay and a different worker covers the machine once he sees my Amex Cobalt on my phone. Keep in mind I’m about to pay for like $90 worth of stuff. He said no Amex even though I know for a fact it works at the store. So I just left annoyed and brought my business to a different store that doesn’t question my payment methods.
Tldr: do stores actually get charged big amounts from Amex? Is it worth losing $150+ and probably more (from other customers) in revenues per month due to Amex processing charges?

What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.
Using it to edit videos and play warzone / Valorant
What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?
1250 USD
When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.
Will buy within the next month
What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc\)
Just the PC, I've already got everything else
Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?
Currently living in Singapore, but will be travelling to the UK in the next month & and a half
If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.
Using a Odyssey G3 32 Inch 165 Hertz, got a custom build keyboard with cherry browns & g304 lightspeed
Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?
Would be open to it, dont really mind
Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)
N/A
Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?
ITX, dont really mind on colours but white would be nice (DONT MIND)
Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?
I got windows already
Extra Stuff
Wifi is needed

My phone has 2 Apple IDs and I can’t remember my password for the original one. I got it reset under the original Apple ID before changing it. It was connected to the apple workers personal phone number.
I can still download apps but I need to update them. How can I still do this ?

I live in Scotland.
This issue has been ongoing for over 6 months, where someone reported a false incident to my car insurance, and they refused to provide any evidence like photos of the damage to their car. The only evidence they have is a witness who left a note on their car saying it was my car who hit their car and drove off.
The location of the false incident confirmed they had no CCTV footage of this incident on the date.
I even had the police investigate me 2 months after the false incident was reported and the police dismissed the case as they had no evidence to charge me with a hit and run.
The week after the police visit, 2 months after the false incident, my insurer sent in an engineer to inspect my car, who noted scratches in a few places, which were not there when the police visited just 1 week prior.
I have Photo and video evidence of how I scratched the car, because I purchased a dash cam and installed it on the day the police visited.
I made complaints and recorded every interaction with the insurer and I have a copy of the police report which I gave to the Ombudsman, as the insurer has not been responsive for months.
The Ombudsman have informed me the third party is willing to go to court with their witness, but that my insurer is still waiting on the third party to send in evidence, after 6 months we have had nothing from them. The Ombudsman informed me that my insurer is doing the right thing and that they cannot help me more.
Citizens Advice are not picking up their phones and they are only open in their beaureus on days and times where I am at work.
What can I do, in order to defend my innocence and get this claim removed and voided from the system? I have no evidence that I didn't do it, it's not like I have a video of me not hitting anyone, because I only purchased the dashcam 2 months after the false incident frightened me into buying one.
The insurer can take a witness note as evidence, but the police didn't pursue the claim as they had no real evidence.
Is there any law which states that a claim which has not had evidence provided for x amount of time should be voided? Like a statue of limitations or something or other?
What would this look like if I did want to go to court? Can the court accept a witness note as stand alone evidence?
What more can I do to clear my name? I'm not rich hence why I'm posting on here and trying free services, but if I need to go into court, is there free help I can get?
Do I stand any chance here?

I(F38) She(F40) we've been dating since November. We are long distance. When we started talking everything was ok. We talked every single day, texted all day, video chat etc. Them around Christmas and New years I started not hearing from her as much. She took her kids traveling for one of their birthdays. In January I got to see her for two days. In those two days we pretty much spent all day with her, her sister, and her wife. She stayed at the hotel with me. After the visit I didn't from her for almost week not talking on the phone. I sent her a long text stating I wanted her to be honest with me because it seem like she was slowly ghosting me and stringing me along and not being serious about me. She immediately responded and said that wasnt the case that's she just been busy with work and she starts telling me about the navy. She apologized and said she promise to do better.
She starts doing a little better then she starts slacking off again. She barely calls me or text me. I will see get on Facebook before she calls or text me. She be on tik tok. There was a time I use to can see when the last time she was on there she literally turned that feature off. I always have to call her or text her. Then when I text her she takes all day to respond. She knows what time I start and get off work. She knows what days I'm off.
This week she was suppose to come to see me on Wednesday. She never called me. I only received a text from her saying she was at the airport. If you work for the airline they have this system called buddy passes( To me it's not worth it)where you get to fly for free locally. The only thing is you have to wait if seats are available after everybody that has paid get their seats. She tells me she was on the plane and got kicked off that was at 10:32. I still didn't hear from her all day. Mind you I got off work early and paid for a hotel. Not one time did she call me and tell me what was going on.During this time I see she's been on Facebook. She also has been on tik tok. At 6:32 on my way to the hotel she tells me she's in my and that she has to rent a car and drive back to Philly. No call and no text after that. When I called around 9 she didn't pick up. She told me that she just made it home and she's dealing with kids right now and that she would call me. She never called me. I called her the phone ranged and she never picked up.
The next day which is Thursday. I text her but I didn't call her. I'm texting her and still never responds. Later she text me after I asked her if she was ok. She said she was so mad about yesterday and how she really want to see me. Then I text her if she's ok what's wrong. She says no that she's in her feelings and wanted to see me. I still don't hear from her. When I text her telling her I'm not mad at her. She text back saying she on flight. When I get home I tell her I made it home. I then tell her that I really wanted to talk to her tonight and that I was gonna call her when she's at her second job. Again my mom knows about her suppose to come to see me now it's looking like she's lying about shit. My mom has no idea we've been having issues as far as her not communicating. My mom believes long distance never work so I didn't tell her what was going on. She is literally proving my mom right. She is having doubt about us strictly because this situation happened. Not one time did she call me and ask if it was ok. The two ppl that asked if I was ok was my mom and my bestfriend. I can hear the concern in my mom's voice because I spent money on a hotel and left work early because of her. My bestfriend thinks she's lying about shit. When we talked she literally told me the times it shows active on Facebook sometimes she doesn't be on. I investigated that and it's true sometimes. But her case I feel that's not true for her. When she she's not on Facebook and she's sleep it say she has was active 7 hours ago. The things I have asked her she's been truthful. I know where she works. I know where she lives. I've met her family. She has told me personal shit that if anybody wanted to use her they would quickly run with it. Somebody with no good intentions will try to use her because the things she do to be stable. She has a very good job, owns her home. The only reason she's been so open is because she never has worry about being with her because of what she has because I have my own everything. So what she tells me doesn't matter. I know there's trust when it comes to that. Like I am in love with her. I tell her how much I love her everyday. We are not official yet. I even told her in the beginning I don't want my time wasted. Recently I asked when she gonna be my gf and she's gonna have me waiting forever. She told me "not forever' so I left it alone after that. When we talk we talk about all other things except about me and her.
At night when she's at her second job, I called 3 separate times she never picked up. I texted her she never respond back. At this point I am very unhappy. Wednesday when she was suppose to visit she was on Facebook. I always have to call her. She never send me a good night text. I buy her lunch sometimes. In the beginning she bought me lunch and sent flowers and candy to my job. She bought something for me for Christmas and she gave it to me when I saw her in January. Since then I haven't received any gifts from her, no letters, etc. About two weeks ago she asked if she can buy me lunch I said yes. That was it. Last time we really talked on the phone was at 12:00 am on her birthday of May 8. When she say she'll call me she never calls and I stay up late waiting on her call. She knows damn well I have to get up early for work. But No she never calls. Since then we haven't talked. Not one time did she apologize or call to see if I was ok. I even sent her a text asking why is she not answering my calls or text. No response. I've decided that today I will not contact her at all. Again I am not sure what to do at this point. What would you do?

Hi, I don’t know what to expect. I sold FBA like 6 years ago for a few months. Never got paid (Small amounts) good health account. I asked to pls close the account, even though they asked me time to resolve, they confirmed to closing it vía mail. Now I want to sell again, so in my understanding to reopen is not possible, the thing is that my loggin for seller was semi-functional, means I loggin with same mail and phone pswd from 6 years ago, (maybe because same as personal account to buy?) well it let me in. Then I was asked to fill all the info (like new seller) id verification, etc. The true I was expecting in all this process to be Able to appeal to reopen, but just got the message that my account is active to sell. I already filled the tax info, the deposit info, and it was accepted. Alll the info from the past is errased except the name I used internally within the platform (I already change it)
Should I contact them? I know they can suspend if it was a new account and some how linked to the old one, but this is not the case… but still I am afraid of future suspension. I was planning to do a new account for an LLC, but it was too risky for any linked information. Sorry for my English not native speaker.

Not that this is news but maybe some need reminding. I personally have only read the communist manifesto. It’s short but took me a long time as I had to re-read the rhetoric over and over to understand what the hell he and Engels (iPhone was good enough to autocorrect Engels for me.... figures) - anyway - were talking about.
It often comes off angry; openly encourages violent revolution (and, arguably, mass murder); to destroy all semblance of culture, our past and our histories (since from the beginning life has been nothing more than class struggle). Maybe it would have seemed more relevant in 1800s Europe. Their gripes about what industrialization was doing to the working class were right in many ways. They rightfully complained of child labor.
And while some of those issues did arise with industrialization in America, we’ve righted our course in that regard. Yes, there have always been classes of society whose struggle exceeds that of others. But America has a huge middle class, everyone reading this is most likely a part of that class or upper-middle class (I don’t believe I have any aristocratic friends). To teach this stuff to entitled college kids living the easy life attending college or elite schools, it’s just madness. You’d think they’d see the irony in it. Marxism appealed to people who at the time were living in conditions nobody in this country will ever experience.
I don’t know where I’m headed with this. But from what little I took from reading the communist manifesto several mind-numbing times was we don’t need Marxism it does not apply to our present conditions. The middle class in America is a free, non-oppressed majority. In Marx and Engels world, the “proletariat” was the oppressed majority. That’s simply not the case in today’s America.
And I will give credit to the left for doing some good for this country and our people. They were instrumental at the time in achieving working conditions for the common man that dealt with much of what Marx gripes about.
So, what’s left? Jealousy, envy of someone who’s got it a little better than you? I’ve personally never felt that in my life. I possess an innate understanding that you get out of this world what you put into it and if I’ve ever been unhappy with my return, I know I just have to keep going. I don’t understand how that’s a difficult concept for Marxist children to understand. America provides every opportunity for anyone & everyone to move onward and upward. Period. It’s a personal choice how you want to live your life.

My (19M) friend (19M) texted me 3 months ago to tell me that he could no longer speak to me because he is in a committed relationship and he was starting to develop a crush on me. In order to prioritise his boyfriend, whom he loves very much, he had to cut contact with me, for a non-specific amount of time. In his words, it is “dangerous” for us to speak.
This all starts when we were 16- 3 years ago. Something important to know: this did not start platonically. We were two 16 year old boys who had similar interests and who could sustain one another intellectually, and thence began a romantic long-distance summer fling. He is a classical musician and actually composed me some pieces. After a while, it died out because of the distance. We remained friends after the fact, but I most certainly did not forget him. He told me at 16 that I was one of those people you’re told your whole life that you’ll meet. Those words have stuck with me.
For the next two years that followed, contact remained spotty. Any conversation we had revolved around music (mostly), philosophy, life, anything. Usually long conversations, but very infrequent.
Then August 2023 rolls around. I’m 18 and I’m about to begin uni on the other side of the country. In a new city….. in his city. Yes, I moved to his city. Not on purpose. I post my arrival on my Instagram story, and he replies that we must get coffee together sometime soon. Basically, I was head over heels. I had a crush on this guy. He’s a local, so he ended up picking a pizza restaurant. I arrive first and I’m waiting in front of the restaurant, facing the window. All of a sudden, I see his reflection in the window; a guy wearing a violin case like a backpack. I turn around and he crosses the street to come give me a hug. This was our first meeting in person.
We spoke a while in the restaurant. Spoiler: He has had a boyfriend since March at this point (I HAD NO CLUE). At one point in our pizza-filled conversation, he mentions his boyfriend. However, in our language, the word he used can mean either boyfriend or friend. I really didn’t think he was in a relationship, so my delusional ass interpreted it in the platonic sense. After the restaurant, we walked to his music school, where we found a room. I sat on a chair and he took out his violin. He asked me to name any composer and he would play a piece from said composer. I neglected to mention that he is extremely talented. One in a million. If it isn’t obvious, I thought this was a date. It was not a date; not for him at least.
After said encounter, I felt quite disappointed that I didn’t get any romantic vibes from him (duh, it was not a date. He literally mentioned his boyfriend lol). I complained to my old roommate for days about this. My roommate, on some intoxicated bender, texts this guy and tells him that he needs to let me know if he has feelings for me or not. I was furious. My roommate guiltily confessed this to me the following morning. He told my roommate that he is not single and that he is not at all interested in me. He does say, however, that “we would have been the perfect match”; something that he probably shouldn’t have said but it is not something that I will contest. What my roommate did was a gross violation of my boundaries, of course I’m upset. However, in a way, it almost needed to happen. A few days later, I reply to his story about some other restaurant, and he says that his bf/friend (the word is ambiguous in our language) recommended it to him. I ask him if he has a boyfriend and he clears it up then and there. It was after this interaction that my crush dissipated. Knowing that he wasn’t interested in me really helped with me moving onto other guys.
Over the following months, we speak every now and then. When we spoke, the conversations would not end. The kind of conversations where you know that you have to go to bed, so you wished the other person goodnight, yet there you are talking about fucking Ligeti 50 minutes later. Anyways, while I was supposed to working on a philosophy assignment, I told him that I USED to have a crush on him, but I was firm on the fact that I no longer did. I told him the “date” story as a funny anecdote. He had no clue that I ever liked him like that at any point. The conversation got a little awkward, but he told me that he really loves his boyfriend, but that he “does not forget”. He tells me that we would have been a perfect match. Funny.
A little while after, he invites me to one of his concerts at the museum. There, I meet his mother and grandparents. Also, his boyfriend. The concert was great, and the three of us chat for a while afterwards. Unfortunately, he has to leave, but he suggests that I tour the museum with his boyfriend, so his boyfriend and I tour the museum together. Interesting experience. Something important to know: I don’t have the best impression of his boyfriend. Their relationship is (was???) an open relationship and it felt like this guy really had to convince him to join his polyamory, based on what he told me in their conversations. Also, they were apparently on a break at one point earlier in the year because my friend’s mental/physical health was really bad, so to me it seems as though his boyfriend abandoned him in his time of need because the relationship “got hard”, so I already don’t have the best impression of him based on what my friend has told me. Anyways, I honestly thought that his bf was flirting with me??? (I guess he is allowed to because it’s an open relationship, but still…).
Fast forward the following month: we were supposed to see a concert together but something bad happened so he couldn’t attend. I end up buying him a CD which I had signed because this is a very famous pianist who just happened to visit our city. For like 3 months, we didn’t see each other, but I reminded him regularly that I had a specially-signed CD to give him. He has classes next to my apartment sometimes, but we can’t seem to get our schedules to fit…. until the end of February.
He has this class thing where you can invite people to watch you play and get critiqued, which he invited me to! After watching him play, I greet him outside the room and one of his colleagues. Let’s call her F. We all chat a little and I give him his disk. Literally such a mundane interaction.
BUT THEN THREE DAYS LATER, he texts me that he is very sorry, but that we have to cut contact. He has been dishonest toward himself and toward his boyfriend, because he has a crush on me. He doesn’t WANT to have a crush on me. And look, I get it. His relationship is important and he is putting the guy he loves first. You can’t control how you feel about people, but you CAN control what you do about it. So I get it. Wouldn’t I do the same? I told him to promise me that he wouldn’t forget about me completely. I screamed “what the actual fuck” multiple times because I didn’t know how to process this. This is definitely not an event I expected to have in 2024… The only links we have in common are now: we have each other’s phone numbers, we are Facebook friends, and I am friends with F on Facebook because she also happens to be in my programme at uni. But we have not spoken. Not a single word between us since February 24th. I respect his decision, so I will not speak to him.
This guy occupied my mind rent-free. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Frustrating because when he told me that he wasn’t interested back in August, that was enough to help me move on. And all of a sudden, my mind can’t let go of the fact that this guy has a crush on me. This guy, whom my type is kind of based on honestly. Middle of March rolls by, and I meet F (his colleague) again at an event hosted by our programme. We all got drunk, especially me 🤦🏻‍♂️. And of course, being drunk, you have a tendency to bring down your inhibitions. We’re on the bus and she asks me how I know the friend. I tell her it’s a long story, but that I can’t speak to him anymore. I say that “he’s soooo dramatic”. She asks me to explain further, but I tell her that I can’t.
The next day, I felt like an idiot!!! Wow. I almost told her what happened. I don’t need that spreading around his school. I saw a uni therapist at the beginning of April, which didn’t really help much. Every time I took the bus, I would check to see if he too was on the bus. Never was.
BUT THEN, I met someone new. We’ll call him T. T has been successful in getting my mind off of the friend. It’s quite recent, but we’re seeing each other and it’s moving along smoothly. Beginning of May, I barely think about the friend anymore. I have a new guy in my thoughts and I’m very happy about it. So T and I go to see a concert together. Guess who just had to be doing a pre-concert in the waiting hall. The violinist friend. T and I are walking up the stairs and all of a sudden the violinist and I made eye-contact and I basically just had a hot flash. I had not seen this guy since February… And I seriously had to make eye-contact with him while I’m on a date with T???
I feel like my progress is ruined. Ever since I saw him at the concert hall, he is on my mind again. I keep checking his Facebook. I can’t listen to my favourite music without thinking about him. But I refuse to give up the music that feeds my soul just because he likes the same stuff. I feel awful toward T, because I have another guy in my thoughts.
All I know is that this person is special. I have known this for years and he is not someone I could accept never having in my life again. He has never forsaken me. I have a deep desire to share my life with him and to be apart of his, and I am perfectly okay with it being platonic. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life without it being a soap opera.
TL;DR: An old friend that I had a crush on, but no longer had a crush on once I found out that he was in a relationship and was not interested in me, ended up having a crush on me and has had to cut contact with me in order to not be dishonest toward his boyfriend. I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s driving me mad.