As the title says, this will be my rewrite of Leo. I apologise for me adding to the unnecessarily high amount of Leo posts in this subreddit, but I just had to get this out of my system. This will be as brief as possible. Here we go:
The film starts with Sandy and Mysskin's characters being given a bag full of drug packets that is meant to be transported to Theog, by Anbu and Adaikalam. Once Anbu gives the bag to Sandy, he calls Harold Das to give him updates. In this scene, Harold Das is sacrificing a bull while talking to Anbu, but we don't see his face yet.
We cut to Theog, and the initial portions with Parthi and his family are kept the same. We also get a couple of scenes with Sandy and Mysskin where we see that due to some suspicious activities, they are apprehended by a group of police officers, who eventually find out that they are carrying drugs, but Sandy and Mysskin manage to escape.
We get a scene where Harold is talking to his preist about what animals are to be sacrificed next, what does the future hold, etc. (we don't see Harold's face). Suddenly, he receives a call from Anbu who informs him about Sandy's police incident. Harold is enraged, but decides to make Sandy keep going.
Up till the cafe scene, everything is mostly the same. After the cafe fight, the portions that we see are mostly the same but we also see the leader of the police officers who apprehended Sandy, arrive in Theog. He has a convo with Joshy and Parthi, and decides to stay to complete some formalities. We also have a scene where as Antony Das is praying to God, he is informed about what happened to Sandy, Antony (no face reveal yet) says that they will have to face the wrath of their "God" soon.
Things carry on like the actual film. Eventually, Parthi decides to get out of his house and rebuild his cafe. At the cafe, while he is working with his staff to rebuild the cafe, somebody sneakily manages to click a photo of his. The photo is sent to Harold, who finally gets a stylish face reveal shot.
We get the frame breaking scene and Sanjay Dutt's face reveal but there is no Badass Ma. Antony and Harold leave for Theog.
The next day, Antony goes to meet Parthi at the cafe and we get the same convo that they had in the film. As he leaves, Antony tells Parthi that he may receive an important phone call soon. Parthi receives a call from Joshy, who tells him that the cop who came to Theog has been brutally murdered. Parthi tries to call Sathya and his kids but nobody picks up. He rushes to the market to take them home and this is where we get the market fight scene. The following police station scene is kept the same and we also get Napoleon's arrival.
We get a couple of scenes with Antony and Harold for buildup. They disagree upon how to deal with 'Leo'. Antony wants to capture him but Harold wants him to be killed immediately. The argument ends with Harold proving his point to be better, as he says that any tomfoolery will not go well with their "God". Some time later, Harold receives a call from his preist, who says that now a human sacrifice is needed with some specific requirements. Harold finds that all these requirements are found in Leo. He tells this to Antony, who agrees to the plan.
A few days later, while Napoleon and Parthi are absent, Sathya and the kids get kidnapped by goons. We get the same scene with Parthi scolding Napoleon. Parthi receives a call from Sathya's phone, but the caller is Antony, who says that he is spending some time with his family, and calls Parthi at a certain location at a certain time, or else Antony will have to cut up his family members into pieces. This fight deepens Sathya's doubt.
Antony and Harold have an unsettling convo scene with Sathya and the kids, where Antony manages to plant doubt in Sathya's head regarding Parthi. Eventually, Parthi arrives and we get some interaction between him and Antony and Harold. Soon, a fight breaks out and Parthi manages to escape with his family. Due to the preist's advice, Antony and Harold retreat for two weeks.
We get some scenes with the family and here, we get the I'm scared song. This will not only build Parthi's paranoia, but also Sathya's doubt. Joshy has a talk with Parthi and Sathya about who Antony is and that Parthi has a striking resemblance to Leo. Eventually, Sathya and Joshy decide to look into the matter. Joshy travels to meet Mansoor Ali Khan's character, and here we get the interval block, as we get Leo's entry (done in a less over the top manner and more in Lokesh's style), and then a sequence where we cut between Parthi making the house traps and some badass scenes with Leo (this is where Badass ma plays). We get the same bloody sweet scene, and then the Leo title card (even more fitting here because this is where we see Leo's entry).

A cabin remained half-rooved on its eastern face by pelts of dead things while the west slanted with a freshly cleared and smooth metal—it stood alongside a dugout stocked with crates; the structures overlooked an open plane of snow from their hilly perch and beyond that there were black jagged trees against the dreary yonder. Though the wind pushed as an abrupt force against the cabin’s walls, within the noise was hardly a whisper and the heater lamps along the interior walls of the large singular room offered a steady hum that disappeared even that.
The room had two beds—one double and another short cot pushed into a corner— and each was separated by a thin curtain nailed to the overhead support beams; the curtain caught in the life of the place, the gust from the heater lamps, the movement of those that lived there, and it listed so carefully it might not have moved at all.
Opposite the beds on the far wall, there stood a kitchen with cabinets and a stove, and the stove was attended by a thin young woman; she was no older than her second decade. In the corner by the stove just beyond where the kitchen counter ended, there sat a rocking chair where an old man nestled underneath pelts and a wool blanket, and he puffed tobacco and he watched the woman as she worked—she stirred the pot over a red eye and examined the liquid which lowly simmered. The man watched her silently, eyes far away like in remembrance. He absently pushed his gray mustache down with the forefinger and thumb of his right hand. Smoke came from the pipe in spider string and the man blinked dumbly.
Amid the place where pelts lined the floor between the far wall of beds and the far wall of the kitchen, there sat a young pale boy with a scrap of canvas rubbish in the center—he used the canvas strip, browned and filthy, like a bird in his play, spreading the strip out and letting it fall to the ground. “Fly,” whispered the small boy to the strip; each time he lifted the rubbish, it fell to the floor by his crossed legs, and he repeated this process.
The adults ignored the boy, and the woman swiped the back of her hand across her forehead then wiped her knuckles down the front of her blouse. “It’ll be ready soon,” she said.
The man nodded then drifted off in his long expression again, staring at the door which remained closed. Wind speed pitched and the door seemed to warp inward. Alongside the door, there sat a thick glass porthole which one could use to look out on the snow-covered landscape; the curtains before the porthole were mostly drawn but on late evenings, light splintered through ghostly.
Shrugging of his warm coverings, the man lifted from the chair and crossed the room to pull aside the curtains; he stood there in the light of the hole, painted dull in his gray thermals. He watched outside, scratched his receding hairline and when he moved to shut the curtain, he saw the boy had joined him there at the window. The man smiled, lifted the curtain, and angled from there, allowing the boy to peer outside; he puffed on his pipe heavily, holding the thing stiffly with his free hand and offering a glance to the woman by the stove who watched the pair from where she was.
“I can’t even see the road,” said the boy.
The man nodded, “Snow covered it.”
“It’s winter?”
Again, the man nodded.
Winter, with the mutated ecology of the planet, was nearly a death sentence in northern Manitoba. Those places just north of Lake Winnipeg were mostly forgotten or abandoned, but there still lingered a few souls that dared the relative safety of the frozen wasteland—sometimes curious vagabonds, sometimes ex-convicts, or slaves, sometimes even criminals upstarted townships where there was nothing prior.
“Pa, I see someone,” said the boy.
The man angled forward again, squinted through the porthole, and puffed the pipe hard so his face glowed orange then moved surprisingly quickly to hand the pipe to the woman; she fumbled with the object and sat it upright on the counter while he rushed to remove a parka from a wall hook by the door. He shouldered into the thing and then leapt to the place by the door where his boots were kept and slammed into them each, knotting them swiftly.
“What is it?” the woman’s voice shook.
They caught one another’s eyes. “Snowmobile,” said the man.
“One?”
He nodded and strapped his gloves on then moved to the latch of the door—before levering the thing, he took another glance at the boy.
“We’ll shut it behind you,” said the boy. The woman nodded.
The door swung inward with explosive force and the outside wind ripped into the warm abode. The man immediately shivered and stumbled into the snow, appropriately clothed save his legs where only his gray thermals clung to him.
After spilling into the boot-high snow, the man twisted around and aided the others in shutting the door behind him; he pulled as they pushed, and he listened past the howling wind for the latch on the opposite side of the door. He let go of the door and spun to inspect the far-off blinding whiteness—clouds of snow were thrown up in the wake of a barreling snowmobile; it headed towards him, first from between the naked spaces between the black trees then into the open white. The man threw up both his hands, waving the snowmobile down, long stepping through the arduous terrain till he came to the bottom of the perch that supported the cabin. His shouts of, “Hey!” were totally lost in the wind but still he shouted.
The snowmobile braked twenty yards out from the man and the stranger on the machine killed the engine, adjusted the strings around their throat and threw off the hood of their own parka to expose blackened goggles beneath a gray tuque; a wrap obscured the lower half of their face. The stranger took a gloved hand to yank the wrap from their mouth and yelled over the wind a greeting then removed themselves from the seat to land in the snow.
“Cold?” offered the man with a shout.
The stranger nodded in agreement and removed an oblong instrument case from the rear storage grates of the snowmobile then took a few careful steps towards the man.
“Dinner’s almost ready! I’m sure you’d like the warmth!” The man waved the stranger closer and the stranger obliged, following the man towards the cabin; each of the figures tumbled through the snow with slow and swiveling footwork. The man stopped at the door, supporting himself on the exterior wall by the porthole.
The stranger angled within arm’s reach, so the man did not have to yell as loudly as before. “Guitar?” The man pointed at the case which the stranger carried.
The stranger nodded.
“Maybe you’ll play us something.” he pounded on the metal of the exterior door, “It’s been some time since I’ve heard music.” The door opened and the two stumbled into the cabin.
The stranger shivered and snow dust fell from their shoulders as they deposited the guitar case on the floor by their feet—they moved directly to help the man and the boy close the door while the woman watched and held her elbows by the porthole.
With the door sealed and the latch secured, the man removed his parka so that he was in his boots and thermals.
The stranger removed their own parka, lifted the goggles to their forehead, and stepped to the nearby heater lamp to remove their gloves and warm their hands against the radiating warmth; the stranger was a young tall man with a hint of facial hair just below his nose and along his jaw. He wore a gun belt occupied on his right hip with a revolver. His fingers were covered in long faded scars all over. “Thanks,” said the young man, “Clarkesville far? I think I was turned around in the snow. I’m not so used to it.”
The older man went to his rocking chair to cover himself with the wool blanket; he huffed and shivered. “At least a hundred kilometers west from here. You’re looking for Clearwater?”
The young man nodded then shifted to place his back to the heater lamp so that he could look on the family fully. “I’m Gomez,” he said to them. The man in the rocking chair stiffened in his seat and craned forward so that his boots were flatly planted before him.
The boy offered his name first with a smile so broad it exposed that his front two teeth along the bottom row were missing entirely. “Patrick,” said the boy.
The woman spoke gently and nodded in a quick reply, “Tam-Tam.”
“Huh?” asked the man in the chair, “You’re unfamiliar of the area? Where are you from?”
Gomez stuffed his arms beneath his armpits. “Originally?”
The man motioned for his pipe and Tam-Tam handed it to him—puffed on the dead tobacco and frowned. He nodded at Gomez.
“I’ve been making my way across the U.S. Mostly western territories, but I heard it was safer in Canada—North Country. Fewer prowlers. Originally though? Far south. Zapatistas—joined their cause for a bit, but,” Gomez looked to the guitar case on the floor, “I was better at music than killing. Or at least preferred it.” The young man let go of a small laugh, “Do you know anything of the Zapatistas?”
The man nodded, stroked his great mustache, and craned far to lift matches from the counter. He lit the pipe, and it smoked alive while he shook the match and puffed. “Durango.” The man hooked a thumb at himself.
Gomez nodded. “I played there before. Good money. Good people.”
The man grinned slyly over his pipe, “What are the odds? All the way up here?”
“It’s a small world,” Gomez agreed, “It’s getting smaller all the time. What are you doing so far from home?”
“Same as you. It’s safer, right? Everyone said, but I’m not so sure.”
The boy interjected, “You play music?” Patrick neared the case which sat on the floor, and he leaned forward to examine the outside of the object; it was constructed from a very hard, shining, plastic material.
“I do,” said Gomez.
“I haven’t heard music before. We sing sometimes, but not music for real,” said the boy.
Gomez frowned. “How old are you?”
Patrick turned to the man in the chair. “Pa?”
“He’s six,” said the man.
Tam-Tam shook her head, removing the pot from the hot eye. “He’s almost six.”
“Almost six,” said the boy, turning back to look at the stranger.
Gomez shook his head. “Almost six and you’ve never heard music? Not for real?” He sniffed through a cold clog and swallowed hard. “I’ll play you some.”
Patrick’s eyes widened and a delicate smile grew across his mouth.
“I’m Emil,” said the man in his chair, “You offered yours, so my name’s Emil.” Smoke erupted from his mouth while the pipe glowed orange. The older man wafted the air with his hand to dispel the smoke.
Tam-Tam Shut off the oven and placed the pot of stew on the counter atop a towel swatch and she pressed her face to the brim and inhaled.
“Is it good, dear?” asked Emil leaning forward in his chair by the counter to question the woman; the woman lifted a steaming ladle to her mouth and sipped then nodded and Patrick moved quickly to the woman’s side.
The boy received the first bowl and then turned to look at the interloper, metal spoon jammed into the side of his jaw while he spoke, “Play some music.”
“After,” said Emil, placing the pipe on the counter to grab himself some grub.
Emil ate while rocking in his chair and Tam-Tam leaned with her back against the counter, sipping directly from her bowl without a utensil. Gomez took his own bowl and squatted by the front door, pressing his lower back against the wall for support; Patrick, eyes wide, remained enamored with the strange man and questioned more, “Pa said it's warm in other places, that it’s not so dark either. What’s it like where you come from?”
Gomez smiled at the boy, blew on the spoonful he held in front of his lips then nodded, “It’s dangerous, more dangerous.”
Patrick nodded emphatically then finished his food with enthusiasm.
The stranger examined the bowl while turning the stew in his mouth with his tongue; the concoction had long-cut onions, chunked potatoes, strange jerky meat. “Pelts,” said Gomez.
Emil perked with a mouthful, unable to speak.
“You have pelts all over—are you a hunter?”
Emil swallowed back, “Trapper,” he nodded then continued the excavation of his bowl.
“Elk?”
The old man in the chair hissed in air to cool the food in his mouth then swallowed without hardly chewing, and patted his chest, “Sometimes.”
Gomez stirred his bowl, took a final bite then dipped the spoon there in the stew and sat the dish by his foot and moved to kneel and open his instrument case.
“It’ll get cold,” protested Tam-Tam.
Gomez smiled, “I’ll eat it. Your boy seems excited. Besides, I’d like to play a little.” He wiggled his scarred fingers, “It’ll work the cold out of my hands.”
He pressed the switches of the case while turning it on its side and opened it to expose a flamenco guitar. Patrick edged near the stranger, and Gomez nodded at the boy and lifted the guitar from its case, angling himself against the wall in a half-sit where his rear levitated. Gomez played the strings a bit, listened, twisted the nobs at the head of the guitar.
“Is that it?” asked the boy.
Gomez shook his head, “Just testing it. Warming my hands on it.”
In moments, the man began ‘Paloma Negra’, singing the words gently, in a higher register than his speaking voice would have otherwise hinted at. Patrick watched the man while he played, the boy’s hands remained clasped behind himself while he teetered on his heels and listened. Emil rocked in the chair, finished his meal, and relit the pipe. Tam-Tam listened most absently and instead went for seconds in the pot; she turned with her lower back on the counter and watched the man with the guitar.
There was no other noise besides the song which felt haunted alongside the hum of the heater lamps. Once it finished, the boy clapped, Emil clapped, Tam-Tam nodded, and Gomez bowed then sat the guitar beneath the porthole by the doorway.
“Thank you,” said Gomez.
“That’s quite good,” said Emil. As if spurred on by the music, the man gently rotated a palm around his stomach and rocked in his chair more fervently, “Where’d you learn to play like that?”
“All over,” said Gomez, “I like to pick up songs where I find them. Sometimes a fellow musician has a piece I like, almost never their own anyway, so I think we all share in some way.”
“Poetic,” offered Tam-Tam.
Gomez caught the woman’s eyes, nodded. “I guess it is.”
“Where’d you find that one?” asked Emil, “I heard it a few times but never this far north. It’s like a love song,” he offered the last sentence to the others in the room.
“You’re right—sort of,” Gomez placed his body against the wall by the door, glanced at the bowl of food he’d left on the floor then sighed and bowed again to lift it—the interloper tilted the bowl back on his bottom lip and sipped then casually leaned with the utensil against his sternum. “Somewhere in Mexico is where I heard it first. Maybe same as you.”
Patrick examined the guitar under the porthole, put his face directly up to the strings and peered into the hole in the center of the instrument; his expression was one of awe. He quickly whipped from the thing and stared at the guitarist and opened his mouth like he intended to ask a question. The boy stared at the scars on the interloper’s hands. “What’s those from?”
Not understanding the direction of the question, Gomez looked down to examine his fingers then shifted on his feet and nodded. “Mechanical work.”
Emil continued rocking in his chair and gathered the wool around his throat. “Where did you do that?”
“Zapatistas,” Gomez sipped from the bowl again and chewed, “It’s work I was never good at.” The young man shrugged.
“I wasn’t going to pry, but seeing as the boy’s asked, I’ll push more some if it’s not impolite.”
“It’s not,” Gomez agreed.
“That’s a lot of deep scarring for mechanical work,” Emil rocked in his chair, puffed, raised a furry eyebrow, “What stuff did you work on?”
“You want to know?”
Emil nodded, withdrew the pipe from his mouth and rolled his wrist out in front of himself then slammed the mouthpiece into his teeth.
“I worked with the army, but before then—well there was a boy, a little Chicano lad taken into one of the El Paso houses way back and all the girls that worked there loved him, but his mother perished, and no one even knew who she was. That was, oh,” Gomez tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling, “Twenty-two years ago or a little more.”
“Your hands?” asked Tam-Tam.
Gomez smiled warm and continued, “Well this little boy was given a name, but what’s in a name?” He seemed to pose the question to Emil who shook his head like he didn’t understand.
“I don’t understand,” said Emil aloud.
The younger man continued with the tale, “There was this boy, but he was taken over the Republican border by a group of desperados calling themselves Los Carniceros,” Gomez angled down to look at the boy, “Patrick, do you know what a desperado is?”
The boy shook his head, his expression one of total bafflement and a twinkle of nervousness. “A music-people?”
Gomez laughed heartily while Emil shuffled under his wool blanket—the older man stopped rocking in his chair, craned forward so his elbows rested on his knees and his thermals showed as the blanket slipped around his armpits. The hum of the heater lamps continued beside the silence.
“Los Carniceros are a group of fancy criminals that hail out of Veracruz, but they have networks all over. San Luis Potosi.” Gomez’s eyes locked with Emil’s, “Durango. They have connections with the cattle industries all over Mexico. Their name’s tongue-in-cheek, but that shouldn’t fool anyone—they are just as ready to butcher a man as they are a cow. They control the food; they control the politicians; they control trade.” Gomez shook his head. “I’ve gotten carried away. This is no history lesson. There was a boy taken into Los Carniceros territory. He was bought—I’m glad that never happened to you, Patrick—boys that are bought are never kept good for long. So, they brought Johnny-Boy, that’s what they called him, into their inner circle and they used to have Johnny-Boy fight dogs in a ring for the amusement of Los Carniceros’s officers. Sometimes they gambled on the whether the boy would die, but he never did.”
Tam-Tam shivered aloud and rubbed her biceps with her hands and shook her head. “What’s that have anything to do with your hands?”
“You’re right,” said Gomez, “I guess what I mean is when you spend time fighting dogs, they bite—they bite hard, and they break skin that needs to heal. But just as well as dogs bite, so too does the boy that is raised as a dog.” Gomez shrugged.
“Quite the story,” said Emil; he’d refrained from rocking in his chair and stayed very still. “You fought dogs?”
“I did. It’s been a helluva long time, but you know I did, Emil Vargas.”
The older man took a long drag from his pipe then cupped the thing in his hands while his vision drifted around the room. “Have you come to take me back?” asked the older man.
The interloper shook his head.
Emil’s gaze drifted to the faces of Patrick and Tam-Tam. “Will it just be me?”
Gomez shook his head, “I can do you first. You won’t need to see it.”
“What?” clamored Tam-Tam, “What the hell is going on?”
Patrick stumbled away from the stranger, clung to Tam-Tam, and said nothing but began to let out a low sob.
Emil took one last drag and tossed the pipe to the counter. “It wouldn’t help to beg?”
“Would it stop you?” asked Gomez.
“Probably not,” nodded the older man, “Me first then.”
Gomez withdrew his revolver and Tam-Tam let go of an awful shriek as Emil’s head jerked back in his chair to the bullet entering his chest. At the second bullet, Emil’s limbs shot out from him like he was a star.
Patrick and Tam-Tam gathered around each other, shuffled to the counter of the kitchen.
Juan Rodriguez—that was the interloper’s real name—took a step forward and fired the gun again and Tam-Tam struck the counter and blood rained down from her forehead; to perhaps save Patrick, she shoved the boy away in her death spasm. The boy stumbled over onto his knees and when he raised his head, Juan towered over him.
Patrick, almost six, shook violently and wept.
“Turn around,” said Juan.
Patrick turned away from the interloper, stared at the corpses of his mother and father.
Juan fired the revolver one last time and the boy hit the floor; the man holstered the pistol and wiped his cheek with a sleeve. His face was touched with blood splatter; he searched the floor, found a scrap of canvas, bent to snatch it. He wiped his face clear with the canvas and sighed and tossed the scrap away.
The cabin was entirely quiet, save the hum of the heater lamps, and Juan set about clearing the bodies from the cabin, first by opening the door. He chucked the corpse of the boy into the snow by the door, piled his mother alongside him, and fought with the heavier corpse of Emil till Juan fell into the snow beside the others. He pulled himself from the thick storm, staggered through the whistle-blow wind and fought through grunts and mild shouts to close the door.
Upon spinning with the closed door at his back, he saw several of the heater lamps had gone out in the wind. Shivering, teeth chattering, Juan found Emil’s matches on the counter and set about relighting each of the heater lamps which had gone out; he did the act automatonlike, a person driven by force but no lively one.
Through the harsh outside wind, which sounded like breathing against the boards, he hummed a tune to himself that manifested into him whistling a light tune—the River Kwai March—then rifled through the cabinetry of the kitchen, went through the footlocker by the double bed and dumped the contents onto the floor; he kicked the personal affects—papers, trinkets—across the boards. Among the things, he found a shiny glass-reflective tablet, lifted it, pocketed the thing into his parka, then kept looking for what else might catch his attention. He found a small square picture, frameless, face down and lifted it to his eyes then angled over to the nearest heater lamp with it pinched by the corner. The photo was of a woman too young to be a mother—she was more of a girl, really; she carried a fat-bellied infant on her hip in one arm and with the other, she held up a dual-finger peace sign. Juan stared at the picture in complete silence then chuckled at the blank expression of the baby, then threw the square photo like a shuriken across the room; it thunked against the wall and disappeared behind the double bed, never to be seen ever again.
As it went full dark outside, the chitter sounds of outside became prevalent, and Juan went to the porthole by the door, pulled the curtains tightly closed and offered no response to the alien sounds which culminated around the walls of the cabin. It was delirium incarnate—abyssal noise which swallowed even the blizzard howl. Things moved outside and Juan went to the kitchen again, looked over the cabinet doors, opened and slammed them; he huffed with exasperation and moved to the pot where the cooled stew sat and began to eat directly from there with the ladle. His far-off eyesight glared into the dimness of the heater lamps, his face glowing by them, and once he was finished with the pot, he chucked the thing and watched the leftover contents splatter into a wild configuration across the single room’s floor.
Only after removing his boots, he fell onto the double bed, removed his revolver from the holster and placed it there on the well-maintained bedding beside himself; he slept with his parka draped over his torso.
He did not open his eyes for the insect noises of the outside.
In the morning, he promptly wiped sleep from his eyes, rebolstered his weapon, and stared across the room with a blank expression. In a moment, spasm-like, he removed the tuque he slept in to reveal a head of black hair, and scratched his fingers over his head. He replaced the tuque, went to the porthole; upon swiping away the curtains, he stared into the white expanse, the black forest beyond—he took the sleeve of his thermal shirt and wiped across the porthole’s glass where condensation fogged.
Knee-high snow hills spilled inward as he opened the door, and he kicked the snow out lazily and stomped into the mess while shouldering his parka on; the hood flapped helplessly till he stiffly yanked it down his forehead. The wind was entirely mild, still. Through goggled eyes, he examined around the entrance, but there was no sign of the corpses—he waywardly stomped through the heavied snow in the place he’d deposited them and there was nothing below the surface.
Juan stumbled through the high snow around to where the dugout stood alongside the cabin and traced a smallish hill where he crawled for a moment to gather his footing. Snow had fallen in through the high apertures of the dugout, but there was a small door-gate attached between two of the pillars which held the slanted roof of the dugout. After fighting the door-gate out, he squeezed through, removed a flashlight from the inner pocket of his parka and settled down the few steps which led into the earth. A bit of morning light spilled in through those spaces of the wall along the high points, just beneath the roof, but Juan held the flashlight in his mouth and began examining the mess of snow-dusted containers.
Along the lefthand were sacks, well preserved if only for the weather; he kicked a tobacco sack—there was a crunch underfoot. Opposite the piled sacks of grains, vegetables, and dried meats were many metal crates, each one with hinges. At the rear of the dugout were a series of battery banks which seemed to hum with electricity.
He stomped each of the sacks, cocked his left ear to the air and began making a mess of the dugout. One crate contained expensive wooden boarding, he tipped this over into the little hallway created by the goods and carefully examined the contents and then he went to the next. The next crate was bolts of fabrics and twine and he sneered, shook his head.
The interloper took a moment, fell rear-first on the sacks, pulled the flashlight from his mouth and pawed across his forehead and throat; he sighed and sat quiet—in a moment, he was back at the search, more furiously. He rocked his head backward, so the parka hood fell away; sweat shined his face. There were condensed snares and jaws and there was a small crate of maple-infused wine; Juan froze when holding one of the bottles up to the higher natural light. He grimaced but set the box of bottles by the entryway, removing one which he slid into his parka. The Clarkesville Winery stamp was impressed on the metal wall of the package.
After several crates of canned goods, his movements became more sluggish and Juan came upon a crate that seemed to be more of the same, but whenever he tipped it over for the contents to spill out, a smaller, ornate wooden box fell out and he hushed, “Fuck,” while hunkering into the mess to retrieve the box. Some old master carved Laelia Orchids into the grain alongside stalkish invasive sage; the wood—Acacia—was old but well kept. The bronze hardware shone cleanly enough.
The container was no longer than his forearm and he briefly held the thing to the high-light and moved to the entrance and fell haphazardly onto the strewn and half-deflated frozen tobacco sacks.
He opened the small box’s latch and flipped it’s top open and smiled at the contents and quicky slapped the box shut.
In a flash, he unburied his snowmobile with his hands, harnessed his guitar case to its rear, then trailed through the snow gathered against the side of the cabin, using the exterior wall as support with his hand. He came to the backside of the structure, tilted his head to gaze again over at the dugout then swiveled to look at the thick metal tank buried in the ground and marked by a big hump in the snow. Juan moved to the tank, brushed off the snow with gloved hands, nodded to himself. Quickly, he returned to the tank with a hand-pick and bucket he snatched from the dugout. With a few swings, fuel spilled through the punctures he’d created; he placed the bucket beneath the handmade spigots to catch the fuel—in seconds the bucket sloshed full as he lifted it and wavered round to the front of the cabin where the door remained open.
He doused the innards of the structure with the bucket and whipped the object against the interior wall then removed the matches from the counter. Standing in the doorway, he lit the awaiting inferno; the heat explosion pushed him wobble-legged outside while he covered his face from it; he hustled to the snowmobile without looking back.
The vehicle came alive, and Juan trailed across the plane he’d used the day prior. As the snowmobile met the sparse black tree line, the flames too met the fuel tank at the back of the cabin; a heavy eruption signaled, and blackbirds cawed as they trailed across the milk-blue sky.
Among the rush of trees there was a translucent figure and Juan roundabouted the snowmobile. Upon edging to the place of the forest, still very near the trapper’s cabin, Juan caught sight of a stickman among the wide spaced trunks. The noises exhausted from its face the same as a cicada’s tymbal call. Juan killed the engine, removed his pistol, leapt from the snowmobile.
The stickman fought in the snow with something unseen, bulbous-jointed limbs erratically clawed against the ground; it seemed more crab than humanoid. Juan approached with the pistol leveled out in front of himself. The stickman, a North Country native, took up great armfuls of snow as it tumbled to the ground, slanted onto its feet, then tumbled over again. It was caught in a bear trap and as the thing fought against the jaw, its leg twisted worse and worse, and the cicada call grew more distressed. Its hollow limb, smashed and fibrous like a fresh and splintered bamboo shoot, offered no blood at the wound.
“Huh,” said Juan, lowering the gun to his side. He shook his head. The stickman called to him.
The interloper returned to his snowmobile and went west.
Archive

Hey lovelies! My name is Siena, I'm 18, and I live in the US. I'm searching for a lovely lady I can chat and hopefully fall in love with. Some things about me: I love plants, mainly houseplants but I also just got into gardening. I'm a huge fan of horror. I listen to all kinds of music, so don't be afraid to recommend me some songs/artists that you enjoy. Anyone is welcome to DM me, between ages 18-23 please. Ah, I should probably describe my looks as well. I have blue eyes and dyed blue hair (that has faded into a green color). I'm on the heavier side, kind of curvy? My face is full of freckles, and I'm more of a fem. I look forward to meeting you!

I distinctly remember when I was in kindergarten (around 2010 in the U.S.) we had computers set up in the classroom where we would access a game website with educational flash games. I only remember two of the games on the site, one was a game where you would splash aliens (basic green aliens with big heads and black eyes) with a water bottle from a first person perspective, probably having to solve a math problem to defeat the alien or something like that. The other game I remember was one where you would put together different parts of a skeleton and when you completed the skeleton it would play the bone song (arm bone connected to the hand bone etc.), right before you would put the skeleton together though, there was a short cutscene of a kid getting the skeleton in a box through the mail slot of his front door before running down a hallway to his bedroom.
This is all I remember about the site and the games, if anyone has any idea what I'm talking about, I would love to see this part of my childhood again. Thanks.

I'm not patient, I hate puzzles in video games and I get frustrated easily. Every time I go for a shit, I have to scroll TikTok so I dont get bored. When I eat food, I watch YouTube. When I drive, its loud music. Im constantly stimulated all the time and dont like going slow.
So a 'slow-paced-cute-indie-puzzle-space-game' really shouldnt have hit home with me.
But. Oh. My. God
I have recently finished Outer Wilds and it completely blew me out of the water. I dont think I have never been as invested in a story line like I have with Outer Wilds. But really you're only reading about the story of the Nomai in the game, im seldom actually seeing things happen. Im just flying about reading and its STILL captivating.
The first time I took off from Timber Hearth I was convinced that i was going to fly off into the sun and immediately I was almost filled with a sense of terror: there was so much space above me. I get to Attlerock and literally feel like I could fall off the moon. I pretty much had the 'willies' 24/7. But I loved it. I was completely and utterly immerse in this universe.
Whilst on the moon, I see the star close by and it fills the horizon. If someone's finger was in my butt hole it would be chopped clean off. I have never clenched like that before, I felt as if the star would suck me off Attlerock with its gravity. But it was also one of the prettiest things iver ever seen in a game. So many times, on so many of the planets I found myself on the surface just watching the other plants orbit the sun.
The super nova is equal parts beautiful and terrifying. The first time it happened: shit my pants. But then I found myself actually looking forward to the 22 minutes coming to an end so I could witness the collapse of the star.
Dark Bramble: devs, you sadistic fucks. Dark Bramble is now home to the biggest jumpscare I have ever had in my 25 years of gaming. I made a noise that I have never made before. I am creeping through the smokey haze wondering what the hell this place was. Completely on edge, following the eery harmonica signal. And then boom, AN ANGLER FISH. Right there. Eating me. I had an almighty digestive exorcism and instantly hated Dark Bramble. Good job I didnt need to go back there after I found the Harmonica guy (sikes I had to go back there so many times.)
That window in the sun station. If I could choose anywhere to die in real life, it would be there. Being so close to the star was hauntingly beautiful. That jump you have to make though? not so beautiful. That was some squeaky bum time.
The enormous sense of satisfaction I got when I figured something out for the first time. That 'eureka' moment, It was utterly addicting.
But my favourite thing above all: the music. Sweet baby Jesus. Outer Wilds has the best sounds track of any game ever. Period. Its the only game where I have had the soundtrack playing constantly IRL. It got to the point whenever 'Timber Hearth' started playing, I felt like I was home. Those guitar strums can blow the stormiest of negative thoughts away. Its like a hot shower or a warm donut. Trying to convince my Fiancé to walk down the isle to the Outer Wilds theme tune. It was a flat no (probably for the best anyway, I think I would ugly cry and probably pass out). I didnt even get all the songs in game (I think). Presumably due to different endings. But 'We Have Lift Off' might be my favourite 1 minute and 12 seconds of music ever and Im not joking. Absolutely incredible music.
I still have the DLC to play as well, but I honestly cant bring myself to do it. If I dont play it, then i can still experience for the first time. Im sure I will get to it eventually, but right now im just in an absolute pit of emotion after finishing the main game. I dont have any tattoos but immediately i want to cover myself head to toe with Outer Wilds references. My entire personality is Outer Wilds.
Over the past few years, people have told me 'You should play Outer Wilds'. But they never really told me WHY beyond 'its a good game'. But now ive finished it, I know why. You simply cant not explain to someone who hasnt played it just how good it is. Its impossible to summarise it. If you try and explain it, it sounds boring. But now I know. Now i know its one of the best games ever made
(This post has been for my love for Outer Wilds, not for self promo. But I did record my entire journey and you can find it on the Toob, shouldn't be hard to find. I know that some members of the OW community have expressed their enjoyment of watching people play through it for the first time. So there you go!)

We all have our lists of top x favorite PM songs, but how often does it happen that two of your favorite classics occur one after another in the same album? I looked up some of my favorite albums (higher chance of getting a 1-2 punch of bangers) and found the following.
Rhapsody - Emerald Sword & Wisdom of the Kings
Neither song needs laudation but holy shit it blows my mind that my two possibly most-listened to songs ever are tracks #2 and #3 on the same album. Rhapsody has ridiculously many highs and they still somehow peaked there and then.
Dragonforce - My Spirit Will Go On & Fury of the Storm
Number 2 and number 1 DF song for me. I could've swapped this out for Valley of the Damned & Black Fire, but Sonic Firestorm gets nostalgia points for being one of the first PM albums I was listening to... 20 years ago.
Gamma Ray - Strangers in the Night & Gardens of the Sinner
Two of my top five Gamma Ray songs. Power Plant has an even better one (Anywhere in the Galaxy) but it isn't part of a one-two combo.
Helloween - I Want Out & March of Time
Again, no laudation needed, plus posting early Helloween is cheating. Still, mindblowing to think two of the most renowned classics in the genre came back to back.
At Vance - Dragonchaser & Ages of Glory
These two are permanently together in my running playlist because they still give me an insane burst of energy every time I listen to them. Both are among my favorite PM songs ever, Ages of Glory is a little less known but still it's so frenetic and never lets up, I love it.
What's yours?
Edit: omfg how could I forget Stratovarius - Father Time & Will the Sun Rise. Hunting High and Low + Millenium was also close, but I'm ashamed to not immediately think of peak strato.

I’m from NJ (it’s not as bad as you think! Yes, it’s corrupt. Yes, the taxes are high. Yes, I know people in the mob. Their kids had to go to school too. But the beaches are lovely.)
Before I tell you about myself, you should know that shared values are more important to me than shared interests. If you’re not a bookish history nerd but click with me on outlook and beliefs, I’d love to hear from you. Different interests are vital, and I love learning new things. Plus, I’m adaptable: You hunt? I can learn to cook venison. You unwind with poetry read aloud? I can buy ear plugs.
My faith is the most important part of my life, I’m far from perfect, and any good in me is Christ’s work in me. Because of Him, I have peace, and I don’t run when things get hard. I genuinely enjoy studying His Word (user name is from a verse in Job 😎).
My friends and family would say I’m warm, encouraging, a trustworthy listener, and an old soul. They would also all agree that I have terrible fine motor skills. :)
Generally eating healthy and being active (just even regularly walking) is important to me. I prefer being outside to screen time, and being able to see a ton of stars at night makes me ridiculously happy.
My most recent audiobook was “Shadow Divers” by Kurson, and the current song stuck in my head is Tom Petty’s “American Girl.”
I enjoy the simple things in life. I’m looking for someone to have dinner with every night. My perfect Saturday would be planting flowers in the backyard, chatting or sitting in comfortable silence, able to share things without judgement.
In adult life stuff, I studied Middle Eastern history in college, tried to learn Arabic during a summer abroad, and then naturally transitioned into commercial real estate marketing, as one does.
I’m currently recovering from a long illness, so I can’t do much, but I can get to know you. I might not be able to join you for hikes, but I’ll want to see pictures, and I’ll have snacks and Epsom salts waiting.
And maybe your life has taken some unexpected detours - I get that :)
Also, I believe friendship is the best foundation for any relationship - so think of me as making a friend, no need to impress.
And finally, I’m 5’3”, petite build, Caucasian, green eyes, dirty blond hair
If any of this sounds interesting, message me :) If you’re shy and not sure where to start, recommending a book/article/podcast (even just an episode) is a great opener with me. I look forward to hearing from you!

There are often suggestions that the Battle of Red Mountain occurred sometime around 1E 700, without an exact date being given. But this is wrong, we know the exact date.
The Battle of Red Mountain was a pivotal moment in the war between the Chimer and Dwemer, the conclusion of which was the end of both races: the Chimer transformed into the Dunmer and the Dwemer disappeared:

The War of the First Council culminated at the Dwemer fortress of Red Mountain, although accounts of the final hours of the war varied. It is known that Nerevar was slain during or shortly after the battle, although by whom remains a point of much contention. Dumac and all of his Dwemeri brethren were killed, but the exact manner of their extinction is still debated. Nor did the Chimer leave the battle of Red Mountain unchanged: their skins were turned to grey and their eyes fire-red. They would henceforth be known as the Dunmer of Morrowind. — PGE3, Morrowind

This can be gleaned from the books The Battle of Red Mountain and Nerevar at Red Mountain, which mention a great battle erupting, resulting in the death of Nerevar and the rise of the Tribunal. There is a key difference: the former book claims that several years transpired between the battle and the transformation of the Chimer (and thus the rise of the Tribunal), while the latter presents it as all happening immediately in the aftermath of the battle. The former is from Vivec, who though a first-hand observer is known to weave some deception into his tales.
Other peoples are noted for their involvement in the battle, such as Nords, Khajiit (as recounted in The Tale of Dro'Zira) and Orcs (though we do not have an account from them, their presence at the battle is noted in The War of the First Council, The Real Nerevar and some of the songs in Five Songs of King Wulfharth). The Nords mention a name for the year of the battle:

Red Mountain
The fifth song of King Wulfharth is sad. The survivors of the disaster came back under a red sky. That year is called Sun's Death. The Devil of Dagoth had tricked the Nords, for the Heart of Shor was not in the eastern kingdoms, and had never been there at all. As soon as Shor's army had got to Red Mountain, all the Devils and Dwarves fell upon them. — Five Songs of King Wulfharth

The battle's effects were felt as far as Rivenspire, north-central High Rock:

These underground halls were built early in the First Era by King Berthulic, ruler of one of the first free Breton kingdoms after the decline of the Direnni Hegemony. The halls were said to be haunted by the prisoners slain here in the Purge of the Wyrd-Hags in the Year of Sun's-Death. — Lorkrata Ruins loading screen

It's possible that all Tamriel was affected by the weather as a result of the battle. Though Tamrielic plantlife survived, sunlight was perhaps limited across the continent:

Although many scholars reject the proposal that the Sun's Death event of 1E 668 catastrophically affected plant life, Chivius felt that the nirnroot's normal growth cycle was interrupted by the lack of sun for a full year. [...] Chivius was correct in assuming the volcanic eruption of Red Mountain contributed to the demise of the nirnroot, but I believe the ash from that mighty explosion did more than simply cloud the skies. — The Nirnroot Missive

In an earlier draft, Sinderion (the author) directly equates Sun's Death with the eruption of Red Mountain:

...Chivius felt that the Sun's Death, the eruption of Red Mountain... — Nirnroot Missive

This adds that in the year of Sun's Death, the year of the Battle of Red Mountain, the mountain erupted, dated to 1E 668. This is said to precede and to have maybe contributed to the rise of the Tribunal:

It is not for another two centuries that we first hear of the Tribunal, who perhaps arose to prominence in the ruin wrought by the first eruption of Vvardenfell... — PGE1, Morrowind

This is part of the general narrative of the Battle of Red Mountain. As such, we can date the battle by the eruption.

Mount Firesong, the druids' sacred volcano at the center of Y'ffelon, erupted, consuming both druids and Elves in a cataclysm that rivaled the Red Mountain disaster of 1E 668. — Systres History

So, 1E 668 is the year of Sun's Death, and is also called the Year of Winter in Summer, as it is known by Khajiit (it seems that the author of the following text or of Five Songs of King Wulfharth got the cultural titles mixed up):
The volcano first erupted in 1E 668; this date, at least, is well attested in the written record. The eruption is still recalled in the tales of numerous peoples - to the Nords it was "The Year of Winter in Summer", to the khajiit, "Sun's Death". — PGE1, Morrowind
We know from this that Sun's Death came from the first ever eruption of Red Mountain. Also, the Year of Winter in Summer is mentioned elsewhere with an approximate date:

Mauloch (Malacath): [...] Fled east after his defeat at the Battle of Dragon Wall, ca. [sic.] 1E660. His rage was said to fill the sky with his sulphurous hatred, later called the "Year of Winter in Summer". — Varieties of Faith in the Empire; Varieties of Faith in Tamriel changes "fled" to "fleeing" and some punctuation, and adds that Mauloch is known to Nords as "Mountain Fart"

Interestingly, this names a different battle being responsible for the same event, but the year is the same. Either *PGE1* incorrectly equates two different events, or (what I find more likely) they actually refer to the same event but changed through retellings. Mauloch's association with a mountain farting and ash and his hatred entering the air seem like allusions to eruption, which Sinderion previously mentioned occurring in 1E 668.
The disappearance of the Dwarves is not always given an exact date:
Sadly, these same ruins offer no clues to the mysterious disappearance of the Dwarves from Tamriel, which was everywhere the same, ca. [sic.] 1E700. — PGE1, Hammerfell
Though sometimes it is, in agreement with other sources placing the Battle of Red Mountain in 1E 668:

He theorized that in 1E 668, the Dwemer enclaves were called together by one of their powerful philosopher-sorcerers ("Kagrnak" in some documents) to embark on a great journey, one of such sublime profundity that they abandoned all their cities and lands to join the quest to foreign climes as an entire culture. — Ancient Tales of the Dwemer, Part VI

But here the date is different:

Though we ought not get carried away on flights of fancy, one could extrapolate this logic to suggest that some Dwarven Clans were living among us for much longer than previously believed, perhaps well beyond the disappearance during the War of the Red Mountain in 1E 700. — Dwemer Inquiries, Volume I

It is normally accepted as fact that the Dwemer disappeared in a flash, so I doubt the claims of this book. I also think that the date comes from taking the approximation and forgetting that it is an approximation.
We know that the Battle of Red Mountain had to happen by 1E 670, because by then Tribunal worship had replaced traditional Chimeri religion:

Iliath Temple was a shrine to Azura before it was converted to worship of the Tribunal in 1E 670. — Iliath Temple loading screen

In summary, we have the Battle of Red Mountain occurring in the same year as Sun's Death, which is suggested to be a consequence of the eruption that took place during the battle. The eruption of Red Mountain is mentioned across Tamriel, pointing to it being an important event, and it is dated to 1E 668 precisely. It is likely the same event as the Battle of Dragon Wall, or this battle took place around the same time (perhaps as part of the same war), whose dating of circa 1E 660 fits with 1E 668. The Battle of Red Mountain is generally deemed responsible for the disappearance of the Dwemer, which fits with its approximate date circa 1E 700 and the exact date of 1E 668. There is a difference in suggestion of whether some years took place between the establishment of the Dunmer and the Tribunal or not, but the earliest known Tribunal Temple was converted in 1E 670, which works with either account, as this is two years after 1E 668.
All evidence points to the Battle of Red Mountain occurring in 1E 668.

Parenting is like a video game, level 1 is baby diapers, and there on, parenting gets tougher. New parenthood can be exciting, but challenging. It comes with tons of responsibilities. Baby products like baby diapers, baby wipes, beauty products and toys are your new parent tools. It can get really overwhelming to choose the perfect baby diaper and this article can help you make an informed decision.
Types of Baby Diapers
Cloth diapers, (yes they seem comfy no? But they’re too much work unfortunately :/) Disposable diapers, and biodegradable diapers are three different diaper styles.
Disposable Diapers
That’s the most popular one! As the name suggests, you can dispose of them. Meaning, they are much, much easier to use. Baby uses the diaper, and the parent throws it off! How simple is it? The cons is the possible environmental consequence that these diapers could have. They may not necessarily be eco-friendly.
Cloth Diapers
Babies, bestie, parent’s nightmare! Cloth diapers are comfortable, economically (and environmentally) friendly as well, but they carry lots of washing menaces. However, due to upcoming advanced hygiene technology, cloth diapers are making a comeback! Basically, what makes cloth diapers so comfy comfy, baby comfy is that they’re made of breathable fabrics (eg. cotton, bamboo) That’s why cloth diapers feel so soft on your baby’s skin. The cons? Well, you have guessed it right. The maintenance! The washing of cloth diapers. That sounds like such a task no!
Biodegradable Diapers
Relieved, you must be to hear of this in case you didn’t already know. All that disposing for an outcome that doesn’t involve much of nature harm. These diapers are made of plant-based ingredients that degrade easily in landfills. This reduces their impact on the environment. In addition to diapers, you'll need a few more baby supplies to make diaper changes easier and more efficient. Here are some essential diapering supplies:
Rash Creams
Babies often face this discomforting rash problem which generally surfaces from diapers. Perhaps your baby’s skin doesn’t go well with the diaper’s material, or maybe you aren’t changing the diapers enough times. It’s quite possible that you’re taking enough diaper care, yet, your baby’s developing rashes as she or he has sensitive skin. You can use rash creams to soothe your baby’s skin.
Baby Wipes
Baby wipes come in very handy when you’re cleaning your baby midst diaper changes. You can use eco-friendly baby skin-friendly wipes that feel soft and comforting on your baby’s skin. Its very important to consider those wipes that do not carry annoying perfume smells and chemicals.
Diaper Hacks You Cannot Miss Out On:
We hope you are taking notes! You should. You may think changing diapers is easy, but it can feel taxing, and annoying, for both - you and your baby. These easy diaper hacks can make this entire process a bit smoother. Read them to master the art of changing your baby’s diaper!

• Use a diaper cream! We have covered this up there also. Your baby may develop rashes because of all the diaper usage so definitely get a diaper rash cream.
• Whenever you are about to change diapers, make sure clean diapers and baby wipes are within your reach. This may seem like an obvious hack but you may often skip out of this one. Imagine wanting to get rid of a used diaper, but the diaper pail trash and the new diaper boxes are in the other room. That would be quite a messy scenario na?
• Change diapers frequently! This could avoid rashes, and also keep your baby comfy.
• So here’s a trick to make the diaper changing process a little fun. Hum a song or listen to a pumped up song while you are changing your baby’s diapers!
• Use a diaper pail to cut down on diaper odor's. Pails are used to collect the disposed diapers.

Baby diapers, baby wipes, and baby diaper pants are some of the most popularly known baby products that aim to help you in your new parent journey. Do your research before purchasing any brand of baby products, and watch out for any sort of infections that your baby may be facing. Read a lot so you can make informed decisions about your baby’s hygiene and health. So stock up on diapers, assemble your diapering supplies, and prepare to embark on this exciting journey with your kid!

You know how this works. Choose your favs!
We're back to real names this time, after yesterday's taxonomical nonsense! (NGL I loved most of those names but I think I'm the only one that did lol)
(Plant, Aquatic, Celestial, Animal, Mineral, Place, Mythology, Occupational, Food/Drink, Royal, Anime, Music, & Scientific Names versions available in my post history!)

1. Rhiannon or Sara
2. Jolene or Sarabeth
3. Roxanne or Billie
4. Caroline or Wendy
5. Maria or Dani
6. Angelina or Evangeline
7. Rikki or Kitty
8. Angie or Ruby
9. Jane or Susie
10. Lorelei or Iris
11. Mary or Barbara
12. Michelle or Eleanor
13. Lucy or Prudence
14. Layla or Lola
15. Sharona or Cecilia
16. Sherry or Eileen
17. Valerie or Chloe
18. Joanne or Emmylou
19. Arabella or Delilah
20. Grace or Laura
21. Paloma or Emily
22. Ophelia or Cleopatra
23. Rosanna or Rosalita
24. Romeo or Juliet
25. Jack or Diane
26. Joey or Daniel
27. Fernando or Alejandro
28. Jude or Maxwell
29. Carey or Cordell
30. Vincent or Johnny
31. Ziggy or Mack
32. Bennie or Bobby
33. Leroy or Jim
34. Joe or Tom
35. Mickey or Fred

*bonus points if you know which songs these are!

"Great days and glorious victory! My name is Spifflemonk and welcome to Slime Rancher! I was given this game so I could 'relax' between bouts of suffering induced by Subnautica. So thank you... erm..."
Spiff looks at his notes.
"Thank you Blitz! Oh... another StarTuber? Hm... I seem to have a fanbase within a fanbase. Either that or people really do enjoy watching me suffer."
Spiff gives the camera his signature all consuming death stare and starts the game. He stares at the title screen for a bit as he tries to figure out what the hell he is looking at. Its Beatrix standing proud with her vacpack, while dozens of small slimes fall from the sky and bounce around, making cute noises and leaving stains on the ground and walls.
"What.... Am I looking at!? These things are 'slimes'? What am I supposed to do with them exactly? What's 'ranching' anyway? Well... I guess we find out."
Spiff starts a new game, chooses the icon for the Honey Slime as his save file, names it Spifflemonk and starts the game. He is too distracted trying to figure out what the hell's going on, he fails to read the story intro and simply appears in the ranch, ready to play.
"OH! Oh my! I'm in already... Okay. I guess I need to get going. Theresa tutorial? Okay then uhh... press that button to walk..."
He follows the tutorial and lets out an odd squeak as he cavs a slime into the first storage slot. He appears genuinely confused and spends a few minutes shooting a slime out, vaccing it up again, then shooting it back out. He watches the slimes leave slime puddles everywhere and tries to understand why.
"What... is this? Okay... food? Okay food. So take food, put slime in a pen, shoot food at slime. Simple enough."
He grabs a carrot nearby, shoots it at a pink slime and the slime poops out a Plort.
"WHAT!?"
Spiff grabs another slime, another carrots and produces another plort. He groans in frustration and facepalms.
"I have been in this scene for long enough to know that humans have this odd fixation with how funny their bodily functions are. Are you telling me THIS WHOLE GAME IS ONE BIG ADORABLE POOP JOKE!?"
Spiff collects another slime, feeding it a Hen-hen. The animal lets out a terrified cluck and produces a Plort in response. Spiff collects it and resumes playing.
"FINE. Let's keep going. At least the game is cute. The slimes are adorable. They make many booping noises. I like the booping."
Spiffle sighs in surrender and plays the game, very quickly figuring out how simple it really is. Find slime. Feed slime. Money. Rinse and repeat. He collects a few slims from the nearby nest, an oddly shaped hive-like structure and grabs some PogoFruit and Carrots for use later. He does this for a while longer and starts exploring options for plots.
"Let's see now. This thing is the Corral. Okay then. High walls... makes it harder for them to jump out. Oh I like that. Music box calms them down. Air Net makes them harder to bounce out. Solar shield is for... a special kind of slime. Okay. Plort collector and Auto-feeder. Oh... those two will be most useful!"
For now, Spiff hasn't got enough money and buys two new farm plots, one growing carrots, one growing Pogo-fruit. He then sets out to find new slimes and enter the rest of the games world. He moves around, eventually encountering the entrance to the Quarry and finds a Rock Slime.
"Oh, hello! What are you? Youre blue and spiky! Come here! Let me vac you up! Okay... Rock Slime? Oooh... these are kinda cute! They're all pointy. Will it hurt me if I-OW!"
Spiff shoots the slime out and walks towards it to try to get a closer look, only for it to hurt him. It's only a few points of damage but Spiff learns the lesson.
"Okay... so it's not THAT simple... Some slimes are cute, but deadly. Im just gonna vacuum this one up then..."
Spiff vacs up a few rock slimes and encounters a Tabby Slime in the process. He stops in his tracks as he hears the Tabby Slime meow like a cat.
"What... was that? Is it this thing? Wha- a... Tabby Slime? What's a Tabby?"
The slime bounces around, mewing and meowing, and grabs a Pogofruit nearby and plays with it. Spiffles eyes go wide, his cheeks change color and he pauses the game.
"Wh... what's going on!? Why are my cheeks warm!? Why is my heart rate so high? This isn't a scary game! I don't get like this! Whats going on!?"
Spiff is the first alien to experience the concept of "D'Aaaaawww!" On camera, and is blushing, his eyes are bulging to take in as much cuteness as possible and his heart is racing.
"Okay.. Okay I have no idea why, but apparently I really like this slime. So Let's go..."
Spiff vacs up a few Tabby Slimes and heads back to the ranch. He sells the plorts he has, gaining enough money to buy a plot and upgrade it with High Walls. He puts the Rock Slimes and Tabby Slimes in one spot owing to how the other plot he has is full of Pink Slimes. He tosses some Pogofruit in and waits to see what happens. Nothing.
"Hmm... Am I missing something? Is there a thing I can look at?"
Spiff pauses the game and notices the SlimePedia button in the pause menu and takes a look at it.
"OOOhhh... Okay... Rock Slimes only eat Veggies with a Heart Beet... whatever that is, being their favorite. The Tabby Slime only eats meat! Okay... Need to.. Oh here!"
Spiff finds a Carrot nearby and feeds it to one of the Rock Slimes. A Plort is produced and as he tries to grab it, a Tabby Slime chows down and turns into a RockTabby Largo. Spiff is taken by surprise and takes damage from the large creature as a result. The RockTabby is - as one would expect - a combination of a Rock Slime and a Tabby Slime, and looks as you would expect. Spiff responds with both fear and cuteness, the combination of a blue spiky slime making him Squee.
"Oh god look! What is that? Can I pick it up? I can! Okay... Largo... What's that? It's so cute! It's all... blue and spiky with fluffy ears! What is this game!? Can I carry you around? I can't. Damn. So what is a Largo?"
Spiff looks at the Slimepedia after playing with the Tabby Slimes for a while, figuring out more of the game's mechanics. Which were ridiculously simple.
"Is this another one of those 'so simple its silly' games? Find slime, feed slime, sell poop of slime and... that's it? Seriously? Welp...."
Spiff decides to just go with it and quickly figures out how to min-max the slimes he has, going through the motions of simply exploring what is available. In short order, he finds his first Gordo Slime - which is a massive immobile variant of a standard slime.
"Good GOD that thing is fat! My goodness!"
Spiff notices the giant pink slime on an island peninsula off the first area and heads towards it, noticing a path nearby. He ignores it for now and returns to the task at hand and approaches the giant puddle of wobbly jelly that is the Pink Gordo Slime.
"You sir. Are. FAT. Fat and wobbly. What do I do with you then... Uhhh... Slimepedia says feed until you explode. Okay then, it's a pinky boi, he eats anything. Okay, I shall be back!"
Spiff rumbles around collecting two full slots of food, Carrots and Pogofruit and shoots them at the gordo. After emptying both slots, the last two carrots bounce off and the gordo explodes, splitting into 8 pink slimes, three boxes and a floating key.
"Oh hello! A Key!? Okay then, imma collect THAT, then let's grab all of these slimes and put them somewhere. What's in these boxes? How do I open them..."
Spiff faffs about for a bit then learns how to open the boxes, receiving a few carrots, a Tabby Slime and one HeartBeet as a reward.
"A HeartBeet!? Don't my Rockies like those!? OOOOO I can feed that... No. Stop being stupid Spiff, we can put that in the farm plot then get more of them! To home!"
Spiff shakes his head and charges back home, deleting the carrots and planting the Heart Beets. He uses some extra carrots he has left over and feeds the rest, turning the last few Slimes into RockTabby Slimes.
"Alright... Gods I cannot fathom how... simple this game is! It looks complex on the outside but... SO simple! I wonder what would be the best combinations to use? Can I make it easy on myself and make it so there's only veggie or fruit slimes?"
Spiff learns pretty fast and catches on to the games mechanics with ease as he starts figuring out how to min/max the games plort mechanics, figuring out the best amount of Largo's to have in a corral at one time, in his case, 8. Spiff spends some time farming and gathers about 8000 coins over a few days, collecting random items and exploring, eventually finding the entrance to the Indigo Quarry.
"OOhhh okay then. Well, time to go in here I guess. I think this is where I will get to use my Key thing I found. So where do I- GAH!"
Spiff is attacked by three Feral Largos. Unable to do anything because he has no food on him, he runs around like a headless chicken trying to escape them. He gets cornered, taking a decent amount of damage before finally finding a way out.
"Oh my goodness! Silly creatures! Why were they so angry!? What did I do!?"
Spiff carries on through and unlocks the first Gate to the quarry, the first of many. The area around him is purple - his favorite color, and he is immediately giddy on entering the area. He is drawn immediately to the massive turquoise crystal formations poking out from walls and floors.
"Oh my! These crystals! Do these exist in real life!? Now, for all my non-human viewers, humans have this thing where most of their media is based on experiences or mythology. If something like this exists in a game, it's very likely that it exists in reality. I would LOVE to visit something like this!"
Spiff marvels at the dated but pretty graphics of the goofy game and stares at crystals for a bit. He quickly finds two of the most dangerous slimes, The Boom Slime and The Rad Slime in the quarry. He grabs two Rads, Six Booms and finds an Oca Oca among the veggies in the area.
"My! That's efficient! Slimepedia says these are exploding slimes and radioactive slimes... Well that's... Not nice. Still, it should be easy. These Oca Oca things are the favorite food of the radiation slimes so, there we go! Efficiency! Let's go see what's over here-WHAT."
Spiff wanders over to the pond nearby and has his first encounter with a Puddle Slime. It's a slime that squeaks like a toy and purrs like a cat underwater, in the shape of a little puddle, hence the name.
"My GOD that thing is cute! What is that? A... Puddle slime? It's a slime that lives in a puddle or pond. Okay then. MINE. The cuteness is all MINE!"
Spiff runs around and grabs three Puddle Slimes and rushes back home, unable to get past the bridge to the next location. He spends a decent amount of his money buying a new corral and farm plot for the new slimes and a Pond for his new favorite pets, The Puddles.
"Sooo cute! This game seems so... family friendly! Which is a big change from horrors such as Zomboid or Rimworld. But it can't be that simple though so... I need to see something before I go further."
Spiff keeps wandering about, once again towards the quarry carrying a load of Heart Beets for the Rock Slime Gordo he passed by earlier in a cave. After popping the Gordo he unlocks a teleporter pad.
"What's this swirly thing? What happens if I step on it?"
Spiff steps in and is instantly returned to a spot next to the market back home. By this time, the first day is ending and it's almost night time. This is where Spiff encounters his first enemy - the Tarr Slime.
"Oh look! It's a new slime! It... looks strange though. but these are like living slime creatures so I suppose that's not abnormal. What slime is-OW! It attacked! Get away!"
The Tarr attacks Spiff and bites him a few times before Spiff grabs it and shoots it away. Spiff looks on in horror as a Tarr nearby grabs a slime with strange slimy tentacle like appendages and then eats it.
"A slime that EATS other slimes!? GET AWAY FROM MY BOUNCIES!!!"
Spiff gets angry and grabs all the Tarrs in the area and flings them into the ocean nearby. He nearly died on account of taking so much damage from wrangling them to where he could throw them.
"Where does that come from? Wait a minute, Slimepedia... A Tarr slime? A slime that appears when a Largo of two different slimes eats a plort from a third different slime. Oh... So these things are a form of population control built into the game? That's an interesting mechanic. Hmmm... Alright. That's all for this one. I'm satisfied."
Spiffs outro plays with a smile.
TOP COMMENT: Slime Rancher eh? Fun game, very fun indie game! SR is one of the best 'relax and turn brain off' kinds of games. SR 2 might also be fun for you. Look forward to the next episode of Subnautica!
___________________________________________________________________
The video starts and Spiffs Intro plays. The cameras open and its Spiff and one other Eridani in a split screen. The screen to the left is Spiff, the screen to the right is the other one, who is clearly a lot smaller in stature and demeanor.
"Great days!" Spiff says.
"And Glorious victory!" Comes the squeaky kid voice from the other.
"I am Spifflemonk, and after much deliberation and showing my wife the game, she has finally agreed to allow my lovely little daughter to play a human game! As a consequence, say hello to Mini-Monk!" He says with a strangely happy grin.
"Hiii!" The child squeaks happily and waves at the camera.
The camera zooms out to see the child, around a quarter of her fathers height, sitting in his lap on a pillow in Spiff's usual seat, the camera making sure both are fully visible. The child is adorable, has very light blue, almost cyan skin tone and big bright pink eyes, and in human terms is the age of about 8 years old. The games screen starts up, and Spiff goes for a New Game, this one modded with some Quality Of Life and Graphics mods.
"Yes yes, I have my own save game where I will be finishing the game vanilla. But this is necessary! I have been looking for MONTHS to find a game friendly enough for my daughter to play, both in terms of content and mechanics, and I finally found one! But, as per my Wife's request, she isn't allowed to play it without me here."
Spiff smiles at the camera and shows the child how to use the keyboard controls, teaching her what certain symbols of the standard English Alphabet are for on the keyboard. He mostly stays hands off, only really intervening when she's lost or presses the wrong key by accident.
"So I vacuum up these things and stuff? Does it hurt them?" She asks.
"Nope! Doesn't hurt them. Slimes dont hurt apparently."
"And... I feed them like this?" She asks as she puts a slime in the Corral and feeds it a carrot.
"Yup! Then you take its poop and sell it." Spiff replies with a smirk.
She looks up at him with a confused scowl. "Seriously? you're making me play a game about slime poop?"
"It's a bit more in depth than that sweetie but that's basically it. Get slime, feed food to slime, slime poops out these things called 'Plorts', then you sell the plorts. Plorts are slime poop." Spiff smiles down at her.
"Are there blue ones? I like blue."
"Oh there's lots of blue ones! Even a whole blue/purple place you can find!" He replies.
"Mine."
Spiff barely holds in a chuckle as she excitedly goes about the game. Spiff does most of the 'grind' elements or talks her around while she's in his lap, so she gets to enjoy the exploration aspect more. He shows her how to set up a farm of Pink Slimes and shows her the basics, before allowing her to move on to other spots. Eventually, she comes across the entrance to the Indigo Quarry cave in the second area, and finds a Rock Slime.
"It's blue! What is it?" She asks, then vacs it up.
Spiff, being the only one in the room that can read Human English, explains as they go. "That's a rock slime. It's a slime that has rocks and minerals in it and eats veggies."
"It... eats veggies? and it's a slime made of rock. Whaaa?"
"Don't question it, ginky, this game is about farming slime monster poop. Don't expect it to make sense, just enjoy playing it!" Spiff says with a laugh.
"Okay..." She shrugs and resumes playing.
She grabs a few more Rock Slimes and a few Hen-Hens from the local area and moves on, looking around her at various things to figure out what they are. Spiff stays mostly hands off, simply trying to let her explore and enjoy. Until she finds a Tabby Slime. The meowing and squeaking, as well as the playful behavior makes the child's face light up.
"Whats THAT its so cute!" She hastily gabbles as she vacs up a Tabby Slime nearby.
"That's a Tabby Slime! It's a slime inspired by a creature that lived on Earth once called the 'cat'." Spiff said.
"This actually exists!? Can we have one!?" She squeals and stares her father down with puppy eyes.
Spiff laughs heartily in a fatherly laugh. "Hell to the heck no we aren't. Cats are evil. Humans have told me cats are evil. I've seen cats. I don't let evil things near my children. Not even if they are cute. BUT... There are cat based games humans have made. You can have a virtual cat. We can try some of those in the future, if your mother allows it."
"Okay." The child sighs and resigns herself, both defeated at the failure to get a cat, and also happy at the prospect of other cats somewhere else.
She wrangles a few Tabby Slimes and returns to the Ranch to put them in their pens. The squeaking and meowing sounds coming from the Tabby Slimes makes the child go giddy and start an adorable giggle fit as she vacs one Tabby up, then throws him out again to listen to the adorable noises. This carries on for a bit longer than one would expect and Spiff looks into the camera with a knowing fatherly smirk and rolls his eyes with a smile.
The child's giggling is cut short when eventually, one of the Tabby Slimes eats a Rock Slimes Plort and becomes a Largo. The large blue cat/rock slime combo takes her by surprise.
"HEY! Wh-where’d my cat go? What's that? Why is it big?"
Spiff looks down at her with a smirk. "You'll figure it out. This game is a tiny bit more complicated than you think."
She looks back at the game and tries a few things. She flings a plort at the RockTabby, and nothing happens. Then she grabs a Hen-Hen and the Largo isn't hungry, so nothing happens. She then takes a Tabby Plort and flings it at the Largo. It bounces and hits a Rock Slime, that then eats it and turns into a RockTabby Largo.
"OOOOhhhh kay... So these things can be two in one? It can be a... RockCat Slime?" She asks.
"Yup. But be caref-"
"What happens if I do this though..." She says as she picks up a Pink Plort and yeets it at the Largo, creating a Tarr Slime.
The black mass of wobbly slime begins the mass consumption of the slimes in the pen and she squeals in terror and anger at the sight. Spiff pauses the game and gives her a cuddle to calm her down.
"He's eating my slimies!" She cried between sobs.
"Now now little bug, that's not how a Lady acts is it!? No 'Tis not! So, watch. They aren't scary at all." Spiff says and grabs a Tarr, then yeets it into the ocean behind the Ranch. He pauses the game again and looks down at her.
"Is it gone?" she asks.
"Nope. there's still more there. Now you and I both know that you're way too old to be cowering in my lap like this! Ladies don't behave like this. Are you a lady?" He says, smirking.
"I am!" She squeals.
"Prove it! Take those Tarrs and throw them into the ocean! Prove that, just like a lady, you can take care of your problems!" Spiff commands with a smirk.
She squeals in an adorable warrior's roar and grabs the Tarrs one by one, throwing them off the edge into the ocean. She cringes a bit in fear each time she grabs one but manages to hold her own and saves her slimes from further Tarr-ification. In the end, only a few are lost. She holds her tiny hands high and yells the Eridani word for 'Victory!' and carries on playing the game, eventually making it to the Moss Blanket Gate.
Spiff however, ends it there as she has now been playing for two hours.
"Okay then, well, that's all for now." He says, pausing and saving the game.
"AAAwwww nooo! I wanna play more!" She protests.
"No. Remember what happened that time I got hauled away by the funny police? That's what happens when you play human video games. You forget who you are sometimes. NO. Not happening to my little one. You get two hours a day, maximum. That's the rule. Now run along. Tomorrow your chair arrives, I had it made specially for you, so you don't have to sit in my lap all the time." He says, stern and direct.
"Okay... darn it..." She says with a sad frown and walks out the door.
Spiff looks at the camera and smiles broadly, then the channel outro plays.
TOP COMMENT: Thatta boy. That's how a dad do. She is ADORABLE! I was NOt expecting the cute. That was… refreshing :)
______________________________________________________
"Great days and glorious victory! My name is Spifflemonk and welcome back to Slime Rancher! Back to a moment of rest after a... close encounter with a... certain very very large spider in a game called Grounded."
Spiffle visibly shudders in terrified disgust.
"In any case, we're going back to the ranch! Mods for my daughter's save are disabled so we can work in a base game as most people say I should during my first play, so here we go."
Spiff returns to the game and wastes no time going back to min-maxing, figuring out the Upgrade and jetpack system in short order, using it to acquire more slimes. He quickly went through and grabbed a few more slimes for a better payoff, getting a farm that was relatively self-sustaining.
"So, here is the best option that I have found. A maximum of eight slimes per corral with a fully upgraded farm plot to sustain them seems to be the best option so I can continue to explore the game without grinding too much. That's a decent pace I think. Let me take you on a tour!"
Spiff heads towards the ranch and shows off the stock. Eight Largos in each, with a farm plot feeding it, and four corrals on the main farm. All are fully upgraded as best as possible.
"This one has RockTabby's! They eat Heart Beets! This one has RadBooms, Rad slimes and Boom slimes. Dangerous but fed with Oca Oca for a good payday! AThis one has a new slime in it! The HoneyHunter! A Hunter slime which I found off camera yesterday, and another one called the Honey Slime, which eats these Mint Mango things. These are my favorites! Look! They go invisible! You can only see eyes!"
He shows off the honey flavored cat-like slimes going invisible and giggles inanely at the sight.
"So cute! And here, New slimes! I found these while exploring some caves near the Quarry. They are Crystal Slimes... which by itself is AWESOME! But while around at night, I found these ones, which were Phosphor Slimes. These guys were hard to figure out and then I understood the Solar Shield upgrade. That... hurt a bit. After losing three stocks of Phosphor Slimes."
Spiff scoffs and shows off the slimes. He moves away to a back area near the Plort Market and shows off several Hen-Hen coops, including a full Corral that's completely full to the top with squawking and squirming Hen-Hens.
"I'm going to toss a slime in there one day... see what happens!"
Spiff laughs in a rather disturbingly sadistic manner and resumes work, going to the dockyard further down.
"Both of these areas I had to unlock with cash. Wasn't easy but I got the farm going. Now I have a lot of cash I've no idea what to do with. In any case, here we go! The Puddle Ranch!"
The last four plots are made up of ponds, one of which has a dozen Puddle slimes in it at once.
"They are so cute! Yes I know you can't get anything out of them if there's more than four in a pond, but I keep finding more and they're so CUTE! Look at da little puddle! In any case I also have this. An incinerator. No idea what its for but I guess i'll find out."
Spiff fangirls around the Puddle Slimes for a while and leaves the Ranch, grabbing four individual Plorts and heads to the North. Here he finds the Slime Portal, surrounded by Slime statues, each one having a slot in it that contains a Plort.
"I am ashamed to say It took me a while to figure this out. But you take plorts corresponding to the slime statue and... poof. Now... what do it do?"
Spiff watches as the Portal opens, a cute song plays and the gate slides open to allow him access to the rest of the map. He enters and finds The Ancient Ruins - a puzzle maze of shifting gates and twisting passages. Thankfully he has one Slime Key left, so he can essentially skip the puzzle this place offers and go straight to the Glass Desert. Well that is until he encounters a Quantum Slime.
"What... Is this yellow slime? Is it a gold slime or-QUANTUM SLIME!? WHAT!?"
He stares at the camera in his signature 'you know too much' glare and watches what the slime does. It phases out of existence and teleports itself to another spot nearby.
"A teleporting slime!? How does that make any sense!? HOW???"
Spiff stares at the slime for a bit and just says 'fuck it' and starts exploring the area, grabbing a few Slimes. He finds a Phase Lemon and struggles for a while, eventually giving up and consulting the wiki to figure out how to get one and then resumes exploring. The entire time he grumbles about how annoying this whole thing is, and arrives at the gate. He puts in the key and uses the slimes he has on him plus a few Pogofruit to get Quantum Plorts and finishes the puzzle, entering the Glass Desert.
"Well... This is... very empty, barren and dead compared to where I came from. Hmm..."
Spiff isnt wasting time, heads straight to the wiki and figures out what to do. He seems to be impatient for some reason and is rushing through it, grabbing slimes and securing resources he thinks he might need, following the breadcrumb trail left by all the strange floating holographic H signs left everywhere. Eventually, he scrambles through the huge maze of stuff everywhere, unlocks a few gates and reads the last sign he can find left by the mysterious 'H'.
"OOOhhhh so that's how that works! Okay so the story i-WHAT THE FU-"
Spiff is grabbed by four sets of tiny Eridani hands and dragged out of his chair. Four Eridani children, including his daughter Mini-Monk, scramble into his seat, exit, save the game and start a new game in his place. Each child is around the same age.
"CUTE SLIMIES!!!" The children excitedly chirp as Spiff just sighs in annoyance.
"Uggghhh... kids."
Spiffles outro plays, along with a short, but adorable slideshow of him showing pictures of each of the kids taking turns playing the game, enjoying themselves, figuring out how everything works and trying to handle a swarm of Tarr slimes due to a Plort accident at the Ranch.
TOP COMMENT: I think I've died and gone to cute. Your kids are adorable! Ready to go back to Subnautica yet Spiff? I WANT TO SEE YOU FACE THE LEVIATHAN.
Spiffs response: FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR GIANT SCARY DEEPWATER CURSED FISH. And no those aren't my kids, it's just my daughter and a few friends. Only one is mine.
Response: Oh god I'm gonna LOVE watching you play Phasmophobia! That might kill you! LOL
Spiffs response: EVIL. HUMANS ARE EVIL.
((Authors note: BEFORE YOU ASK no i don't have kids and i'm not expecting any. This was just something funny I wanted to write. So here you go.))

HAVE
NES
Black Bass (loose)
Contra (loose)
Journey to Silius (loose)
Mega Man 3 (loose)
Spy vs Spy (loose)
Wolverine (loose)
SNES
Contra III (loose)
ESPN Speed World (loose)
GP-1 Part II (loose)
Knights of the Round (loose)
Samurai Shodown (loose) label is in really bad shape
Spiderman Xmen Arcade Revenge (loose)
Top Gear 3000 (loose)
Troy Aikman NFL Football (loose)
Vegas Stake (loose)
GAMEBOY
Arcade Classic: Galaga and Galaxian (loose)
Kirby's Block Ball (loose)
Legend of River King (loose)
Tom and Jerry Frantic Antics (loose)
GAMEBOY ADVANCE
Lilo and Stitch 2 (loose)
Medabots: Metabee Version (loose)
Shaman King Master of Spirits (loose) no label
Van Helsing (loose)
Genesis
Castlevania: Bloodlines (loose)
PS1
Darkstalkers 3 (CIB)
Final Fantasy VII (no manual)
Jersey Devil (CIB)
Medievil (CIB)
Mega Man X6 (loose)
NBA Live 09 (loose)
Rampage World Tour (CIB)
Spyro Ripto’s Rage (CIB)
Time Crisis (CIB)
N64
Gauntlet Legends (loose)
Killer Instinct Gold (loose)
Starcraft 64 (loose) HARD TRADE
Snowboard Kids (loose)
Wave Race 64 (loose)
Zelda Majoras Mask (loose)
Zelda Ocarina of Time “Collector’s Edition” (loose) HARD TRADE
SATURN
Virtua Racing (loose w/manual)
PS2
.hack: Infection (CIB)
.hack GU Reminisce (CIB)
Cabelas Monster Bass (missing manual)
Chicken Little (CIB)
Dance Dance Revolution X (CIB)
Dancing with the Stars (CIB)
Devil May Cry (Greatest Hits) (CIB)
Devil May Cry 3 (CIB)
Fantavision (CIB)
Guitar Hero 3 Legends of Rock (CIB)
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (CIB)
Lord of the Rings: The Third Age (missing manual)
Mary Kate and Ashley Sweet 16 Licensed to Drive (CIB)
Mega Man X7 (CIB)
Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo (missing manual)
NFL Gameday 2003 (CIB)
Rockband Track Pack Volume 1 and 2 (CIB)
Smackdown vs Raw 2008 (CIB)
The Plan (CIB)
XBOX
Ghost Recon: Island Thunder (CIB)
Tony Hawk Underground 2 (loose)
GAMECUBE
Need for Speed Hot Pursuit 2 (CIB)
Rampage Total Destruction (loose)
Zelda Wind Waker "Player's Choice" (CIB)
DS
ATV/Monster Truck Mayhem (CIB)
Fullmetal Alchemist: Dual Sympathy (loose)
Lego Batman (loose)
New Super Mario Bros (missing manual)
Rune Factory 3 (CIB)
Shaun White Snowboarding (CIB)
Space Invaders Extreme (loose)
Wreak it Ralph (CIB)
Wii
Just Dance 3 (CIB)
Kidz Sports: Ice Hockey (CIB)
Punch Out (CIB)
Ultimate Band (CIB)
3DS
Ever Oasis (SEALED)
Scribblenauts Unlimited (loose)
Shin Megami Tensei: IV Apocalypse "Launch Edition" (SEALED)
Star Fox 64 (CIB)
PS3
Call of Duty: MW3 (CIB)
NBA 09: The Inside (CIB)
Persona 5 (SEALED)
Ratchet and Clank Future: Tools of Destruction (CIB)
Xbox 360
Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions (CIB)
VITA
7'scarlet (CIB)
Code Realize: Guardian of Rebirth (CIB)
Code Realize: Future Blessings (CIB)
Freedom Wars (CIB)
Grand Kingdom (CIB)
Psychedelica of the Ashen Hawk (CIB)
Psychedelica of the Black Butterfly (CIB)
PS4
Digimon Story Cyber Sleuth (SEALED)
Digimon Story: Cyber Sleuth Hackers Memory (SEALED)
Digimon World: Next Order (SEALED)
Dragon's Crown Pro "Battle-Hardened Edition" (SEALED)
Elden Ring (SEALED)
Mortal Kombat 11 "Premium Edition" (CIB)
Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm 4 (CIB)
Skyrim "Special Edition" (CIB)
Street Fighter V (CIB)
Sword Art Online: Lost Song (SEALED)
Sword Art Online: Hollow Realization (SEALED)
Tales of Berseria (SEALED)
XBOX ONE
Destiny 2 (CIB)
Destiny: Taken King Legendary Edition (CIB)
Destiny the Collection (CIB)
Division (loose)
NBA 2K20 (CIB)
Plants vs Zombies: Garden Warfare 2 {Deluxe Edition} (CIB)
State of Decay Year One (loose)
Tiny Tina's Wonderlands (SEALED)
Wreckfest (CIB)
SWITCH
Catan (SEALED)
Digimon Survive (CIB)
Fire Emblem Engage (SEALED)
Harvest Moon: Light of Hope "Special Edition" (SEALED)
Illusion Island (SEALED)
No Man's Sky (SEALED)
Octopath Traveller II (SEALED)
SNK Heronies: Tag Team Frenzy (CIB)
Snow Runner (SEALED)
Story of Seasons: A Wonderful Life (SEALED)
Super Mario Party (CIB)
PS5
Diablo IV (SEALED)
Horizon Dawn Forbidden West (Digital code) - would love to swap just for physical edition
Spiderman 2 (Digital Code) - would love to swap just for physical edition
Cases/Manuals
Mario and Sonic London - Case/Manual (3DS)
Barbie dream house - Case/Manual (DS)
Lego Marvel universe in peril- Case/Manual (DS)
Pokemon Moon - Case/Manual (3DS)
New Super Mario Bros 2 - Case/Manual (3DS)
Narnia - Case/Manual (DS)
Power Rangers Samurai- Case/Manual (DS)
Wipeout the game - Case/Manual (DS)
Digimon World Dusk - Case (DS)
Mario hoops 3 on 3 - Case (DS)
Call of Duty MW3 - Case (DS)
Brave - Case (DS)
Monster High Ghoul Spirt - Case (DS)
WANT
Mega Man Boxes/Manuals
GameCube games
Playstation 1 games
Clock Tower 2
Lists

Sylvia: All you feel is ecstasy when you kill. It’s like you’re getting off… Seriously, you need help.
Travis: Everybody deals with grief differently, right? Some people fuck at funerals. I cut off heads.

Travis Touchdown is a slacker, drinks too much, watches too much anime, plays too much video games, and buys way too much merchandise. However, when he runs out of money to buy more posters or figurines, he can be pretty slick with a beam katana. Using the Blood Berry model that he won in an online auction, Travis moonlights as an assassin and kills Helter Skelter, the eleventh best assassin in the United Assassins Association rankings. This thrusts him into a desperate struggle against the top ten assassins in the hopes of winning piles of prize money and a chance to bone the UAA organizer, Sylvia Christel.
After killing his own sister and reaching the top spot, Travis's life has become a whole lot harder. Not only do aspiring killers break down his door from time to time to challenge the Crownless King, but villains also target his friends and neighbors in attempts to break his spirit. After losing his best friend Bishop, Travis moves to the country for a quiet life, but rivals like Badman or alien invaders like FU seem to keep dragging him back into the Garden of Insanity for more bouts of bloodshed.
Key
No More Heroes- 1
No More Heroes 1.5- 1.5
No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle- 2
Travis Strike Again: No More Heroes- TSA
No More Heroes 3- 3
Hover over a feat to see where its from.

Strength

Striking w/o Weapons

• Can stun human enemies with physical strikes, like punches and kicks, then hit them with wrestling moves
• Smashes crates and chests bare-handed
• Punches an electrical panel, breaking it
• During sex, Travis shakes the motel he’s in, breaking off pieces of the sign on the roof
• Kicks open a set of doors, flooring the guard on the other side
• Dropkicks the buff Jasper Batt Jr out a window
• Boots the Henry clone’s upper half a few feet away
• Punches a stone maui head, shattering it

Striking w/ Weapons

• Smashes treasure chests
• Strikes a baseball back at a pitcher hard enough to knock the man over
• Ducks under a slash, then severs Death Metal’s arms, sending the enemy's sword upwards and imbedding the blade in the ceiling
• Can smash wooden barricades
• His clashes with Bad Man shake the trailer they’re in
• Smashes through a cracked stone floor

Grappling/Wrestling Slams

• When Kimmy Howell tries to choke Travis, he picks her up and slams her onto the ground, knocking her out
• Knocks a gunman out with a legendary suplex
• Repeatedly counters and throws the jet-powered assassin, Native Dancer
• Slams Kimmy Love so hard that her head breaks through the stage’s floor. Here, he performs an RKO, a butt thump and a power bomb.
• Breaks FU’s neck with a Brainbuster from Hell
• Catches a pouncing mutant alligator, then suplexes it

Other

• Climbs out of a pit on a beach
• Crushes a coffee mug
• Jumps from a prison to a low-flying helicopter, although Sylvia psyches him out and lets him drop

Durability

Blunt Force

• Gets hit on the head by a falling coconut
• Sylvia boots him out of a moving limo
• Bad Girl beats on Travis with a baseball bat for a bit, although he falls unconscious soon after Bad Girl bleeds out
• Shrugs off a high speed crash from his bike
• Through unknown means, Travis is flung into a prison where he collides with a concrete wall. He’s unharmed by the impact.
• Gets grabbed by the head and slammed to the ground by Ryuji, but he quickly recovers and delivers a wrestling move of his own
• Gets booted by FU several feet backwards into a wall. He gets up but falls unconscious once he starts bleeding from a wide cut on the torso.
• Jumps down into a deep hole and lands on his feet, unharmed
• A giant’s severed head falls next to a boat Travis is on, causing the vessel to toss the occupants onto the ice below

Piercing

• Jeane punches into Travis’ torso, but he remains conscious long enough to kill her. He suffers no long-term injury or scarring from the blow.
• [Limit] He’s stabbed a half dozen times, carved up by Henry Cooldown’s beam swords, then decapitated. A benevolent afterlife being sends Travis back to the world of the living.

Explosions/Energy

• After striking an explosive bullet with his katana, Travis is thrown backwards into a baseball stadium wall, cratering the material. He’s unharmed and continues fighting right afterwards.
• Gets launched after stepping on a landmine, but gets up right after
• Falls into one of Holly Summers’ pits before she throws four grenades down on him. The explosions throw him out of the hole and he lands on his feet, unharmed.
  • One of these grenades obliterates Holly Summers’ head later on
• Withstands being lit on fire until he can get to an extinguisher
• Gets electrocuted by Destroyman’s Destroy Spark, then takes a Destroy Pound, Destroy Beam and a Destroy Buster before getting up
• Recovers shortly after being electrocuted by a Mass-Produced Destroyman, then kills it in one blow

Other

• Margaret Moonlight’s voice is the last thing her victims hear. Once, Sylvia heard Margaret’s song from a hundred yards away and she was knocked out for a full week. However, Travis isn’t affected by Margaret’s whistling or theme song.
• Takes an up-and-coming assassin’s 12-Combo Spark move with no response
• He can walk around on an asteroid in outer space, but he must regularly restore his oxygen from cracks in the asteroid
• [Limit] One-tapped by a big scorpion

Agility

Dodging

• Dodges a thrown baseball
• Dodges one of Shinobu’s Sonic Sword energy blasts
• With his back turned, he manages to dodge Destroyman’s beam attack
• Rolls to avoid Destroyman’s Destroy Cannon
• Dodges an axe swing from Matt Helms, then leaps over the killer to avoid a blast from his flamethrower
• Evades an orbital beam strike
• Backflips out of a chair to dodge a big alien’s tentacle slam

Reflexes

• Hits a moving bullet with his katana
• Blocks bullets with his katana
• He gets in a standoff with Dr. Peace. Travis is able to draw his blade and slash before the doctor can draw and aim his guns.
• Deflects three bullets, then runs under the gunfire to kill the shooters
• Possibly caught some automatic gunfire
• Clashes blows with Nathan Copeland at high speeds, dicing Copeland’s ladies to pieces
• Swats several bullets out of the air
• Catches a pouncing mutant alligator, then suplexes it

Movement

• Pursues an escaping car on foot

Fighting Skill

Swordplay
Gameplay

• While in the air, Travis can launch himself at enemies sword-first
• Can use a Heavy Attack in the air to descend quickly and form a shockwave along the ground
• Can perform a stinger-style dashing strike. After filling a meter to level 3 by damaging enemies, this move lets Travis turn into a massive, rainbow-colored tiger during the attack.
• Can perform charged attacks to hit multiple enemies at once

Cutscenes

• He rams down some doors and drifts into a fountain on his bike. Travis leaps off and decapitates two guards before he hits the ground.
• Ducks under a slash, then severs Death Metal’s arms, imbedding his opponent’s blade in the ceiling
• Throws his Beam Katana at Harvey Moiseiwitsch Volodarskii’s eyes, blinding him
• Dismembers a group of armed goons
• Slides between Margaret Moonlight’s legs, then disarms her before impaling her

Wrestling Moves

• Dragon suplex
• Vertical suplex
• Butt thump
• Front neck chancery drop
• Reverse armsault
• Capture suplex
• German suplex
• Belly to belly suplex
• Trap suplex
• Double wrist suplex
• Tiger suplex
• Hurricanrana
• Power bomb
• Tombstone piledriver
• Quebradora con giro
• Brain buster slam
• Full nelson suplex, aka Dragon suplex
• Twisted belly to back suplex
• Belly to back waist lock suplex
• Spinning backdrop finisher
• Leg hook belly to back suplex
• Backdrop finisher
• Tiger driver
• Shin breaker to suplex
• High angle belly to back suplex
• Modified tombstone piledriver
• Giant swing
• Wrist lock suplex
• Double X-wrist lock suplex
• Overhead belly to belly suplex

Beam Katanas

General Attributes

• Beam Katanas run off battery life. Once Travis runs out, he must vigorously shake his weapon in order to restore its beam blade.
• Beam Katanas instantly short out during contact with water. This also creates a kind of electric backlash that shocks Travis while he’s holding it.
• Can attach an Accelerator to the handle of the katana to locate buried objects
• Can be used to safely destroy buried land mines
• After planting his sword in Matt Helms’ forehead, Travis cranks it up to “full power”, causing Matt’s head to explode
• Sticks a piece of highly corrosive space ore on his unextended beam katana, batters Gold Joe with it, then extends the blade to impale the alien’s head

Cutting Force

• Slices through a guard and the door behind him
• Casually bisects Destroyman down the middle
• Cuts down a telephone pole
• Carves down the middle of Speed Buster’s absurdly long cannon
• Leaves smoking slash marks in a metal shutter door
• Chops fallen trees to pieces and large boulders to pieces
• Slices up some metal railings
• Slices Jasper Batt Jr’s giant blimp/robot in half
• Slices through an alien guard and the thick, metal door behind it

Blocking Strength

• Defends against Speed Buster’s colossal beam weapon, an attack that obliterates human bodies
• Travis clashes blades with Henry Cooldown, who can slice through Letz Shake’s huge Earthquake Maker machine
• Stops a charge from Jasper Batt Jr’s flying car

Specific Models

• Blood Berry- Travis’s initial katana, bought in an online auction in preparation for the assassin’s tournament
• Tsubaki- Visually similar to Blood Berry, this upgraded weapon has higher battery life than the base model
• Tsubaki Mk-II- This Beam Katana boasts four extra beams that rotate around the central beam. With that much extra strength comes more weight than earlier models, and Travis must wield this katana with both hands.
• Tsubaki Mk-III- The only Beam Katana in the first game that does not need an extractable frame piece, leading to a weapon that closely resembles an actual katana. While it’s a bit weaker than the Mk-II, it’s much faster and has the highest DPS and battery life of any weapon in the Tsubaki line. This weapon is also called the Camellia Mk-III in the second game.
• Rose Nasty- A pair of blades, the longer one held in the right hand. This makes for slightly weaker weapons, but they can be swung faster than other swords and can lead to higher combos.
• Peony- Basically a broadsword, this long, heavy weapon must be wielded with two hands. The blade extends even further when Travis fills the Ecstacy Gauge.

Dark Side Roulette

Special abilities that Travis can make use of depending on the luck of the draw. In the first game, these trigger after killing an enemy, and in the subsequent games, they also trigger upon delivering a wrestling move.
Time/Speed-Based

• Cherry- Time is slowed dramatically from Travis’s perspective while he moves at normal speed
• Cranberry Chocolate Sundae- Time slows to a crawl and Travis is only able to walk. If he approaches an enemy, he strikes them down with a brutal finisher, killing them near-instantly. In the second game, Travis turns into his fursona, a tiger, and tears enemies to shreds with his mouth and claws
• Bars- Travis swings his sword much faster than normal, causing most enemies to get stun locked by sword combos during the duration of the powerup

Energy Attacks

• Blueberry Cheese Brownie- Travis is able to fire explosive blasts of energy from his Beam Katana that instantly kill human enemies The same move from the second game
• Strawberry on the Shortcake- Travis temporarily gains golden hair and his katana crackles with power. His movement speed increases and he can perform Death Blows with greater ease. In the second game, this move behaves similarly to the Cherry effect
• Anarchy in the Galaxy- Getting this outcome lets Travis store one charge, up to three max. When used, Travis creates a number of purple explosions, wiping out all human enemies in the vicinity.
• Gooseberry Sugar Donut- Travis sheaths his sword for a moment before unleashing a massive, expanding dome of energy. Any human enemies caught in this dome are instantly killed.

Armor-Based

• 777s- Travis summons his mechanical armor and hovers, then uses a reticle to target enemies with homing missiles
• Green 777s- Travis summons his armor in Full Green Mode. Rather than just launching a volley of missiles like with the default 777s, he spends several seconds in the armor while swinging a larger beam sword and accessing armor-exclusive moves.

Other

• Coins- WESN, a currency, explodes from the enemy’s body for Travis to collect
• Cherries- Utopicoins, a currency, explode from the enemy’s body for Travis to collect
• Stars- Travis gains invulnerability and ignores all damage from enemies for a number of seconds
• Bells- Travis goes into Throw Crazy Mode. His hands become wreathed in flames, and for several seconds, he can grapple and slam enemies without needing to stun them. He can also perform throws on downed enemies, leading to long stun chains.

Non-Roulette Abilities

• Dark Step- Dodging right before a blow connects allows Travis to slow time down from his perspective for a few moments
• Ecstasy Mode- By killing enemies and avoiding damage, Travis fills a meter represented by a tiger that extends the length of his sword combos. Once full, he can enter a temporary Super Mode where he becomes invincible and moves much faster.

Death Glove

When Travis was sucked into the video game world through the magic game console, the Death Drive Mk II, he was granted the Death Glove, a controller that allowed him to perform special techniques. After he escaped the console, he maintained the glove and could perform a couple special moves in the real world, too. After each use, the chosen move goes on a short cooldown before it can be used again.
Some of these clips feature characters other than Travis, as many of these moves are universal and can be performed by any playable character.
Powers from Travis Strikes Again
The last level takes place in the real world, and Travis can still use all of his Chips like normal, although that may have to do with being close to the CIA’s more powerful Death Drive Mk-II.

• Shining Chip- Telekinetically grabs an enemy and then tosses them backwards
• Psycho Chip- Fires projectiles that can stun and damage struck enemies
• Heavy Chip- Creates an area of effect that slows down all enemies within
• Atlas Chip- Throws forward a sticky bomb that explodes after a short delay
• ∀ Chip- Creates an area that gradually heals Travis. This circle does gradually shrink in size, however.
• Strike Freedom Chip- Aims and fires a laser from an orbiting satellite. Travis cannot move during the aiming process, but the blast’s damage is exceptional.
• Wing Chip- Fires electricity in a straight line, which can paralyze effected enemies
• Double X Chip- Throws down a powerful bomb with a massive blast radius. It can knock back Travis but does not actually deal damage to its user.
• Ξ Chip- Makes the user invisible until they attack an enemy or until a time limit is up
• V2 Chip- The user spins around like a top, damaging any enemies that they collide with
• Destroy Chip- Creates a wall to block attacks or approaching enemies
• 00 Chip- Travis dashes in one direction, gaining some invincibility frames during the dash
• Unicorn Chip- Creates a field that drains life directly from enemies inside
• Physalis Chip- Tosses a capsule that spews poisonous and flammable gasses in four directions
• Self Chip- Generates an area that draws enemies in
• BCB (Blueberry Cheese Brownie) Chip- Drastically lowers Travis' movement speed but grants him greater attack power for a time
• NBMB (Nuts Berry Milk Blancmange) Chip- Temporarily causes Travis' normal attacks to release a meteor-shaped projectile
• Travisman Formation Chip- Can only be used in conjunction with Badman. The two men turn into one being and let loose a screen nuke attack, wiping out all normal enemies in a flash of light. This technique does not work on bosses.

Powers from No More Heroes 3

• Death Kick- Travis performs a flying dropkick, traveling across the battlefield to strike the nearest enemy, stunning them
• Death Slow- Creates a small field that slows down any enemies caught inside
• Death Force- Telekinetically grips a single enemy and throws them backwards
• Death Rain- Creates a field a few feet above the air that “rains down” damaging projectiles on enemies

Death Glove Chips
A majority of these chips offer only minor gameplay differences, but there are three that more dramatically alter Travis’s abilities.

• 80 Chip- Alerts Travis when collectibles are nearby
• Legend Chip- Lets Travis fire beams from his blade
• Z Chip- Reduces cooldowns for Death Skills to zero

Other Uses

• Dr. Juvenile, creator of the Death Drive Mk II, has downloaded her consciousness into the Death Glove and acts as an AI helper. She analyzes an alien substance when Travis presses it against the Glove.
• Allows Travis’s cat, Jeane, to travel with Travis within the glove. Jeane can exit the glove and float around in an orange bubble before landing on the ground.
• When Travis is falling off a skyscraper, the Glove transfers an Arsenal Rollout Model from the Daemon X Machina universe to save him

Vehicles/Mecha

Schpeltiger

• Can knock down palm trees
• Can be used to ram enemies
• Makes a massive jump off a ramp
• Can perform manual jumps on the bike

Travis Strikes Back Motorcycle

• Can exceed speeds of 200 mph

Demzamtiger

• By pressing a button on the Death Glove, Travis can instantly teleport his motorcycle to his location
• Can make long jumps off of ramps to travel over bodies of water
• Can boost forwards with nitro
  • By boosting, it can reach top speeds of over 400 km/h, or around 250 mph
• Can damage enemy vehicles by ramming them or by extending beam katana blades from the sides to slice them

Full Armor Mode

• Can assemble a flight-capable suit of mechanical armor around his body
  • Outpaces the explosion generates from killing Destroyman
• Travis can also enhance his armor’s abilities in Full Green Mode, a special form for his armor. In gameplay, he can trigger this through getting Green 777s on the Slash Reel.
  • He can jump to the nearest single enemy, manifesting a large, glowing tiger construct around his body to knock the foe backwards
  • He can use the Multi-Missiles from the armor’s base form
  • He can hover using the jets on the back of the armor
  • Cuts off Midori Midorikawa’s arms
• Bougainvillea Mode- Travis’s armor is capable of space battle. When facing a larger foe in space, Travis can fly freely, fire homing projectiles and deploy a powerful Hyperdeath Particle Cannon beam attack.
  • Can deploy beam blades from both arms, using them to slice apart Mr. Blackhole
  • Deploys a beam that obliterates Mr. Blackhole
  • Shatters a massive sphere of ice
  • Travis fights a Space Peacock, an alien large enough to envelope the planet Earth with its wings. He destroys several cores along its body to damage it.

Glastonbury

• When an enemy busts out a skyscraper-sized, football-themed robot in space, Travis responds with a giant robot of his own
• After filling the Ecstacy Gauge, it can unleash a barrage of missiles
• After filling the Ecstacy Gauge, it can extend the length of its blade to empower a slash
• Throws the Santa Death Parade’s giant robot into outer space, then obliterates it with a railgun

Arsenal Rollout Model

• When Travis is falling off a skyscraper, the Glove transfers an Arsenal Rollout Model from the Daemon X Machina universe to save him. Travis uses it to batter Damon Riccitiello’s much larger mech.
• Stabs into Damon Riccitiello’s truly massive mech, flies into space on his own mech, then jumps out and impales through the torso of Damon’s mech

Fourth-Wall Awareness

• He asks about Jeane’s tragic past and she replies that the sordid details would jack up the game’s age rating even further. To avoid this, Travis “fast forwards” the conversation, making it so that he gets the information but keeps it from the player of the game.
• Demands to know what Sylvia was up to between the first and second game, then looks to the camera for support from the player
• Acknowledges the gap between NMH2 and Travis Strikes again and tries to introduce himself to the new players
• Jeane explains that Travis isn’t really breaking the fourth wall but instead sensing the presence of the player directly
• Starts blaming the game directors when he thinks he’s stuck in a bugged save
• When a boss traps Travis in JRPG, turn-based style combat, Travis is able to destroy the command box, freeing himself and beginning the normal, action-game style fight

Miscellaneous

• Somehow escapes from restraints during Harvey Moiseiwitsch Volodarskii’s magic act
• Travis leaves an empty cloak standing up in an elevator to serve as a decoy. He then gets past Skelter Helter on the rooftop without being seen.
• Leaves a decoy in his trailer when Bad Man comes to kill him. The decoy is able to play Hotline Miami.
• He doesn’t appreciate being compared to Deadpool
• Travis swings his katana to kill the mysterious Native Dancer, but his sword arm won’t budge. When Dancer falls, Travis moves to catch him. Unbeknownst to Travis, Native Dancer is a close family member, and Travis instinctually cannot harm him.

See that… Now THAT was a battle!!! Look at this blood! We HUMANS are ALIVE! Even if we ARE assassins! Doesn’t matter if it’s a video game, movie, drama, anime, manga… We’re ALIVE!!!

This song is timeless. Can you imagine a re-release where she has Kylie Minogue sing a verse and maybe some background vocals? Seriously. People have suggested Janet duet with many artists. Mariah was named a lot in the mid-Aughts, but I could never hear it. They're just too different... but Kylie, that would work in so many ways. Their voices would melt together perfectly, and Put Your Hands On would be the perfect song to highlight their intersecting styles. This thing would BLOW UP! Ever since that pic of them meeting popped up, I had this fantasy of them collaborating, and I can't image any collab better with them than this song. Someone needs to plant this idea in her teams head, cause it would EXPLODE! Try to listen to this song and not hear Kylie creep up on the second verse, or contributing lines to the bridge, etc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlX9pw_9dSE

This happened to us yesterday and my wife said I should post this so here I am.
I (M 49)was at a restaurant with my wife and kid, singing along to Simply Irresistible by Robert Palmer (the place was empty). Our waitress, who looked about 10 years older than me, mentioned she's taking her son to see him live because he used to sing that song all the time as a kid.
I was pretty sure Palmer is dead and said so She didn't believe me and insisted she had tickets. I acquiesced but didn’t was fairly sure I was right so I googled it and he’s been dead since 2003 (heart attack at 54).
Turns out, she bought tickets for Robert Plant and Alison Krauss, thinking it was Palmer.

This happened to us yesterday and my wife said I should post this so here I am.
I (M 49)was at a restaurant with my wife and kid, singing along to Simply Irresistible by Robert Palmer (the place was empty). Our waitress, who looked about 10 years older than me, mentioned she's taking her son to see him live because he used to sing that song all the time as a kid.
I was pretty sure Palmer is dead and said so She didn't believe me and insisted she had tickets. I acquiesced but didn’t was fairly sure I was right so I googled it and he’s been dead since 2003 (heart attack at 54).
Turns out, she bought tickets for Robert Plant and Alison Krauss, thinking it was Palmer.

It was the Friday before Labor Day, 2022. Me, sitting in my bedroom with a wireless mouse I had just gotten in the mail with a 6+ year-old laptop on the sheets in front of me. I was watching a download complete, and once the icon was on my desktop, I clicked it. The screen changed ratio, and I sat down and watched as I was welcomed to the Team Fortress 2 Menu for the first time. That was the day I joined this wonderful, if not occasionally insane, community.
That day was not the first time I had interacted with this game that we all know and love. For basically an entire year prior I had been watching video after video talking about this. I had stumbled upon Liam Triforce’s 80-minute long retrospective on the series, and after watching it going over the basics of the nine iconic mercenaries and the game as a whole from development to present day, I was deeply intrigued and interested. Soon I found the Meet the Team videos, Expiration Date, and even TF2 Youtubers such as Uncle Dane, who taught me how in-depth the Engineer and thus the other classes were, Soundsmith, whose Stereotypes series helped establish the scope of the weapons and hats that TF2 possesses, and LazyPurple, whose ‘How it Feels’ videos gave me an impression of how it felt to play the game before I even fired my first rocket.
So after working myself up, and realizing that TF2 will basically play on anything, I made a Steam account and downloaded the game. For a month or so I was a F2P, meaning I was still an observer of sorts, but once I paid for the keys to open my first seasonal crates, I was all in. And I’ve played frequently since then, with me nearing about 200 hours as of this writing.
And as I played, I learned more and more about TF2. Team Fortress 2 is not just a game: it’s a culture. A culture revolving around two geezers pitting nine mercenaries with varying degrees of insanity in an almost never-ending conflict, which somehow created comedy gold beyond comedy gold because we, the community, made it so.
We created ‘Mentlegen’, we created Hoovies and Trolldiers, one of the earliest players, Carnage, coined the term ‘meatshot’, and so much more. Like we have put so much into the game, including the mastering of Gmod and SFM to create some of the most unique pieces of content out on the internet. Most franchises would kill to have their own movie or television series: we’ve made them, as a community, with no compromises from studios or corporate interference. My daily video feed is permeated with TF2 content, from rewatching Great Dictator’s Team Neighborhood to a Fawful Minion’s weapon ranking, TF2 has become a large part of my life.
And thus, it is really, really pissing me off that I am watching it get butchered in front of me. I joined in a relatively low-bot period, where I’d encounter one every couple of weeks, and it would be dealt with quickly. Now, me and my brother sometimes have to shuffle through about five servers before we got to an actual game we could play. And I’m pretty sure we can all recall when we’re pushing the cart or defending a point when a mic-spamming, head-shotting, spinning Sniper bot joins the server and immediately ruins the fun for everyone. I have lost countless points and pushes to one bot randomly joining in, head-shotting half my team, and getting kicked in a reasonable time. Even when we are on point, they can wreak havoc. We have all seen it, we have all felt it, and we will never forget it.
That’s not even the entire problem with bots. Turns out, they’ve been ruining TF2’s equally iconic economy. Thousands upon thousands of bots have been set up to do nothing but grind random drops so their hosters can make a quick buck, but in the process create hyperinflation on par with Zimbabwe. You know, the country where a million dollars is worth like 10 U.S. cents. They have ruined our games and have ruined our economy.
And like any player base, we have turned to the eyes of the creators of the games in search of salvation and solution, but we were left staring at an empty throne. Valve has left us out to dry, and the game to be picked apart by the buzzards of cheating and bot-hosting. They have afflicted themselves with the deadly sin of sloth; we as a community have been stabbed, and Gaben is standing in the corner refusing to pull it out and patch our wounds.
So I write this as both ventilation of my frustration, and a call to arms. We must force Valve’s hand for we have none of our own; we must make Valve redeem themselves in the eyes of thousands upon thousands. Valve must make a working anti-cheat. One that will exile these bots and their hosters from Steam and the world of PC gaming. And it will not just be for Team Fortress 2, but for all of Valve’s works, to save them all from the rot and malice these bot hosters have been allowed to spread and fester in.
We have seen the petition at save.tf, we know that we are over a hundred thousand strong. But we must do more. If you can get to Valve’s HQ, (10500 NE 8th St Ste 1000, Bellevue, WA 98004), bring some friends. Make a racket. And if anybody asks what you are up to, tell them that you want your passion saved. Tell them you want the most powerful gaming company in the world to do something about a problem that has been screwing their franchises for over five years. Tell them you want transparency and accountability. Tell them you want the wealthiest man in the world of gaming to give a shit and fix his company’s games.
As Soldier once said, “We’re not dying! We are going to live forever!”, we want this game to live as long as we can play it. But in order to play it, we must fight. Sun Tzu said that. And do you know how we do that? By making Valve aware of our grievance and our rage, and reminding them by what makes them a good company? By getting their assess off their piles of money and planting them in front of a computer. This war will not end until the bots are gone, banished to the shadow realms of the internet and cut off from their respawn machine, powered by laziness and inaction. And now, to war. Make Valve hear the people sing, singing the song of angry men, and we will make them hear the music of those who will not be cheated again.