What would cause constant dizziness and stomach an upset
Discussion of potential low market cap cryptocurrency moonshots
2017.12.16 23:52 LucidDreamState Discussion of potential low market cap cryptocurrency moonshots
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2013.03.25 20:59 BrastaSauce The Dark Depths of YouTube
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2019.08.14 04:42 mradolfrants The 10th Dentist
The 10th Dentist is someone who sincerely, or professionally, disagree with the broad majority of people.
2024.05.20 08:57 Local3mo i think i’ve had a severe anxiety problem my whole life and have never learned how to cope
idk ever since i was a kid id have horrible unexplained stomach pains to the point of like crying or temper tantrums , right before school usally or during , drs couldn’t tell me what it was and my mom is a nurse , she never figured it out either. when i hit high school i noticed when things seemed to make me nervous i would have to throw up this would go on for months at a time every day. about a year ago i had a break up and i couldn’t eat for three days because my stomach hurt so bad , i couldn’t eat but i wanted to , its not like an eating disorder type of thing, i wanted to eat so bad i started break down crying,the past few days since i came home from a stressful year at college i haven’t been able to eat and ive been throwing up i even had a fever and chills a few nights in a row . my friends know i think more about this anxiety stress problem than i do because they keep making remarks about how it’s all in my head and that im stressed out but they don’t help or seem to care they just want me to stop complaining. idk what to do im so tired of shaking, having chills, being dizzy and nauseous all day long over silly things that idek how to fix or what they are , im so lost and i feel so horrible and hopeless idk what to do anymore i feel like nobody sees me
submitted by Local3mo to Anxiety [link] [comments]
2024.05.20 08:56 Toxic-Icecream I still feel bad about my ex best friend.
So it's been a few years now and I haven't talked to / about this person since our falling out. I can't remember half of what had happened but to sum up what I do remember:
( Tl/dr) me and my ex best friend aren't friends anymore and it's probably (most definitely) my fault. I didn't give them important details/lied about a shared friend we were both really close to. We had a fight and that's it.
Important context:
It was during a time when someone who we were both incredibly close with (he was my boyfriend, who i lived with and he was their best friend of like 10+ years) had left to live else where and I was experiencing and extreme form of psychosis from the sudden change in living situation. Me and my boyfriend of 5 years had been living together for almost a year and a half when, after some personal stuff on his end, he decided to move away. Our lease wasn't up yet and I had to take on his half until he had enough security to help me. (He did help me in the end but I also recieved help from family) I was also relatively far from my family. Full disclosure they lived an hour and a half away but i had been so used to them being a couple doors down and it was my first time living away from home.
It was hard trying to afford the cost of living by myself and my mental health took a sharp dip. It was so bad in fact that I remember almost none of it despite it happening in the 2020s.
Because I had already been feeling depressed before he left, my boyfriend leaving made me feel hopeless and alone. I was hospitalized twice, the second time was the longest at 3 weeks. I was put on suicide watch and had been sh so bad I'd use the sh in question as paint and would have visual and audible hallucinations. My boyfriend at the time and I have apologized and acknowledged that it was a bad time for the both of us.
Actual story bit:
After my second hospitalization we had gotten into the friendship ending fight.
Without going into a lot of detail (primarily cause im afraid ill not mention something), they said i manipulated them and my boyfriends whole family into hating him because he moved. That i said and did things to intentionally make them hate him and pity me. And that I lied about a lot of things (I can't remember about what all).
We had been best friends for 5 + years and the way they were describing me didn't at all sound like me. It was like hearing them talk about a stranger. (If I pay for food at a fast food establishment and they took the money and didn't give me the food, I'd be too scared to ask them for it because I don't wanna be an inconvenience (this has happened before).) My fear of being an inconvenience keeps me from doing or saying lots of things i really should. It all felt so out of character for me. Part of me still doesn't want to believe I even did half the stuff they said I did but if im honest i don't remember the entire period of time my boyfriend had moved so maybe it did?
I do remember that after almost a year of no contact with this person, they randomly started interacting with some of my accounts under a fake name. Sending threatening messages, things like calling me fat, telling me my family is disappointed in me, sending me pictures of the outside of my home, telling me to kill myself. I knew it was them but part of me also wanted it not to be? I kept trying to convince myself it was someone else but you know. It got to a point that I did file a report with my local police department.
Even still i miss them? I don't think we could be friends but I can't find it in myself to be upset with them. I just feel kinda sad. Maybe it's the nestolgia of our old friendship or maybe it's the guilt, but I just feel sad. I hear about them in passing sometimes, not a lot but just a small thing here and there. Like how someone we both know saw them recently and stuff like that.
I'm not going to try to contact them or anything. I am also aware they have my reddit and cannot stress enough that I do not want to talk or interact with this person in any way. I just want them to be doing okay and I'm sorry it all happened. I can't change what I did or what happened back then but it still weighs on me. Maybe getting it off my chest will help me move on.
submitted by Toxic-Icecream to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
( Tl/dr) me and my ex best friend aren't friends anymore and it's probably (most definitely) my fault. I didn't give them important details/lied about a shared friend we were both really close to. We had a fight and that's it.
Important context:
It was during a time when someone who we were both incredibly close with (he was my boyfriend, who i lived with and he was their best friend of like 10+ years) had left to live else where and I was experiencing and extreme form of psychosis from the sudden change in living situation. Me and my boyfriend of 5 years had been living together for almost a year and a half when, after some personal stuff on his end, he decided to move away. Our lease wasn't up yet and I had to take on his half until he had enough security to help me. (He did help me in the end but I also recieved help from family) I was also relatively far from my family. Full disclosure they lived an hour and a half away but i had been so used to them being a couple doors down and it was my first time living away from home.
It was hard trying to afford the cost of living by myself and my mental health took a sharp dip. It was so bad in fact that I remember almost none of it despite it happening in the 2020s.
Because I had already been feeling depressed before he left, my boyfriend leaving made me feel hopeless and alone. I was hospitalized twice, the second time was the longest at 3 weeks. I was put on suicide watch and had been sh so bad I'd use the sh in question as paint and would have visual and audible hallucinations. My boyfriend at the time and I have apologized and acknowledged that it was a bad time for the both of us.
Actual story bit:
After my second hospitalization we had gotten into the friendship ending fight.
Without going into a lot of detail (primarily cause im afraid ill not mention something), they said i manipulated them and my boyfriends whole family into hating him because he moved. That i said and did things to intentionally make them hate him and pity me. And that I lied about a lot of things (I can't remember about what all).
We had been best friends for 5 + years and the way they were describing me didn't at all sound like me. It was like hearing them talk about a stranger. (If I pay for food at a fast food establishment and they took the money and didn't give me the food, I'd be too scared to ask them for it because I don't wanna be an inconvenience (this has happened before).) My fear of being an inconvenience keeps me from doing or saying lots of things i really should. It all felt so out of character for me. Part of me still doesn't want to believe I even did half the stuff they said I did but if im honest i don't remember the entire period of time my boyfriend had moved so maybe it did?
I do remember that after almost a year of no contact with this person, they randomly started interacting with some of my accounts under a fake name. Sending threatening messages, things like calling me fat, telling me my family is disappointed in me, sending me pictures of the outside of my home, telling me to kill myself. I knew it was them but part of me also wanted it not to be? I kept trying to convince myself it was someone else but you know. It got to a point that I did file a report with my local police department.
Even still i miss them? I don't think we could be friends but I can't find it in myself to be upset with them. I just feel kinda sad. Maybe it's the nestolgia of our old friendship or maybe it's the guilt, but I just feel sad. I hear about them in passing sometimes, not a lot but just a small thing here and there. Like how someone we both know saw them recently and stuff like that.
I'm not going to try to contact them or anything. I am also aware they have my reddit and cannot stress enough that I do not want to talk or interact with this person in any way. I just want them to be doing okay and I'm sorry it all happened. I can't change what I did or what happened back then but it still weighs on me. Maybe getting it off my chest will help me move on.
2024.05.20 08:51 ConsequenceSure3063 Best Cheap Fitted Hats
 | submitted by ConsequenceSure3063 to u/ConsequenceSure3063 [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/6g1785af3j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=23eefa0d0f9b212ab668b6490d209ebf8d8df1e2 Welcome to our roundup of Cheap Fitted Hats! Are you in search of a stylish yet affordable hat to complete your look? Look no further! In this article, we'll uncover some of the best budget-friendly options available on the market, so you can make an informed decision without breaking the bank. Prepare to be amazed by the variety of designs and styles that await you. The Top 19 Best Cheap Fitted Hats
Reviews🔗New York Yankees Fitted Hat - Light Blue 59FIFTYhttps://preview.redd.it/wsq4ydfg3j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c792fd1dc50af15039700789897014ac29630338 I recently tried on the New York Yankees New Era Light Blue 59FIFTY Fitted Hat and was immediately drawn to its stylish design and comfortable fit. The embroidered logo on the front panels was a standout feature, giving the cap a bold, eye-catching look. The special patch on the side also added a unique touch to the overall design. The fitted construction ensured a snug and secure fit, perfect for both casual wear and sporting events. However, I did find that the hat seemed slightly tight at first, but it loosened up after a few wears. In summary, this cap provided great style and a comfortable fit, making it a solid choice for any New York Yankees fan. 🔗Affordable LA Dodgers Chrome 59FIFTY Fitted Hat for Style and Comforthttps://preview.redd.it/06f1wblg3j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a0012da794b6773cf89ba5948276772532b7dfab I recently tried on the Men's Los Angeles Dodgers Chrome 59FIFTY Fitted Hat from New Era for a product review and I must admit, it's a game-changer for my headwear collection. The structured construction and flat bill bring a street-ready style that just screams cool. The Los Angeles Dodgers graphics embroidered on the crown perfectly showcase my team loyalty without being too overpowering. One of the highlights of this hat is the softness of the material. It feels comfortable on my head, and doesn't irritate my skin like some other fitted hats. It's also lightweight, making it perfect for a sunny day or during those hot summer nights. However, there was one aspect that didn't seem to work as well. The size sticker on the brim had me struggling for a bit. I ended up removing it, but I had to be careful not to snag the fabric in the process. Another minor issue was that the hat was a bit tight, so I had to size up, which might not be ideal for everyone. Overall, I'm seriously impressed with this hat. It's well-made, stylish, and comfortable to wear. With my team's logo on the crown, I have a constant reminder of the Los Angeles Dodgers every time I wear this hat. It's definitely a conversation starter and I'm looking forward to sporting it with pride. 🔗New Era New York Yankees White Fitted Hat for Fan Stylehttps://preview.redd.it/0y3qarzg3j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d2606e23373ca5f9a172c74aff206be2bdcd0d8c Sporting a fresh and sleek look, the New Era Yankees 59FIFTY fitted hat in white is a perfect addition to any baseball fan's collection. The high crown and structured design give it a street-ready vibe, while the New York Yankees graphics in the same shade as the cap add a spirited touch. One of the best things about this hat is its versatility - it pairs wonderfully with the rest of my Yankees gear. However, while it's great for casual occasions, it's not the most durable and you have to be mindful when washing it, as it requires a gentle wipe down with a damp cloth. 🔗Stylish Budget Fitted Hat with Side Patch Designhttps://preview.redd.it/biqcqoch3j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3b45f2e243ddab18ce29f514cc14f078ea5a0ea5 As a fan of baseball and stylish accessories, I was excited to try the New Era 59FIFTY Side Patch Fitted Hat in Multi. Upon receiving the hat, I was immediately drawn to the vibrant colorway and sleek design. The hat truly stood out among my other baseball caps, and I felt confident sporting it at games and events. The hat's comfortable fit was another notable feature. I appreciated that it was adjustable, allowing me to customize the fit according to my preferences. The sun protection provided by the cap was also a welcome addition, keeping my head shielded from harmful UV rays while enjoying the great outdoors. However, there were a few drawbacks to this hat. At times, I found that the material was not as durable as I would have liked, and the cap showed signs of wear and tear after a few uses. Additionally, some of my friends who tried on the hat mentioned that it ran a bit small, which may have been a concern for those with larger head sizes. Overall, the New Era 59FIFTY Side Patch Fitted Hat in Multi offered a unique and eye-catching design, with comfortable adjustable features and sun protection. While not perfect, it certainly made a lasting impression on those who saw it, and I would recommend it to fellow baseball fans looking to spice up their hat collection. 🔗Arizona Diamondbacks Support Hat: Quality & Authentichttps://preview.redd.it/pdss0lwh3j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2efb7e40c01f6634459dd57c2903bfc9f6399be3 While I was browsing for a stylish hat to show my support for the Arizona Diamondbacks, I stumbled upon this amazing New Era 59FIFTY alternative authentic collection. The black color and the logo embroidered on the front really caught my eye. It felt great on my head when I tried it on, fitting perfectly like a glove. During my first outing wearing this hat, I received quite a few compliments and comments about it, and it made me feel proud to be a true fan of the team. The quality of the material and the overall feel of it is top-notch, and it has become my go-to hat for various occasions. However, one minor con I've noticed is that the hat tends to absorb sweat quite quickly, which can be a bit uncomfortable during hot days. Despite this, it remains a great choice for any Diamondbacks fan looking for an accessory that showcases their love for the team. So, if you're in the market for a new hat, give this one a try – it's well worth the investment! 🔗Affordable and Stylish New Era Blank 59FIFTY Fitted Hat in Blackhttps://preview.redd.it/9rglc14i3j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=99072acf782c80fe6da84f41e1fb0b8f2bbd77c4 I recently got my hands on the New Era Blank 59FIFTY fitted hat in black, and I must say, it exceeded my expectations! The hat boasts a simple design, making it the perfect accessory for any outfit. The material is soft and comfortable, with a firm structure that holds its shape well. The fitted closure ensures a snug fit, keeping the hat securely on my head. One of the most remarkable features of this hat is its moisture-wicking sweatband. It kept my head dry and comfortable, even during intense workouts. The blend of its stylish appearance and practicality is what makes it stand out. However, there were a few drawbacks. The black color was slightly darker than I anticipated, but that didn't deter me from my appreciation for the hat. Additionally, the size might be slightly larger than advertised, but it wasn't a deal-breaker. In conclusion, the New Era Blank 59FIFTY fitted hat in black is a high-quality, versatile headpiece that I've grown to love. Its sleek design, comfortable fit, and moisture-wicking properties make it a must-have for any fashion-savvy individual. 🔗Sky 59FIFTY Oakland Athletics Hat for Game Day Fashionhttps://preview.redd.it/eovxaeji3j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=118f2e7f4110b0838d95ba8ab2eb4e7fda2e1be2 Hey there fellow Oakland Athletics fans! I recently got my hands on this new Oakland Athletics Sky 59FIFTY cap from New Era, and let me tell you, it's a real game-changer! This cap is not only a stunning addition to any fan's wardrobe, but it's also incredibly comfortable to wear. First off, the design is top-notch! The graphic on the crown and the special patch on the side really made me feel like I'm part of the team. And the fitted cap feels just right, keeping my head snug and cozy while I cheer my team on. However, I must say, I do wish there were a few more sizes available for those who prefer a slightly looser or tighter fit. But overall, this cap is a solid choice for any Oakland Athletics fan looking to level up their game day style. So if you're in the market for a new hat, give this one a shot - it might just be the perfect addition to your collection! 🔗Affordable Black NBA x Staple 59FIFTY Fitted Hat by New Erahttps://preview.redd.it/ke9xjuwi3j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=407aaf29a6e2f8ad01a5949a8071dbca93ea1db3 I recently had the chance to sport this New Era Black NBA x Staple 59FIFTY Fitted Hat, and let me tell you, it's a stylish addition to any wardrobe. The color and design are spot-on, making it an eye-catching piece. The fit is just right, not too tight or too loose, which is perfect for both casual wear and game day outings. One thing I noticed is that the embroidered logos are really well done, making it feel like a high-quality product. However, the hat is priced a bit lower than some other options in the market, which might make some people hesitant. Overall, I'm pleased with the hat and can confidently say that it adds a touch of class to any outfit. 🔗Affordable New York Yankees Storm Gray Baseball Hathttps://preview.redd.it/3sn3taaj3j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d488f634a2ffcd5b75e4ced1722a7fb29b147071 This 59FIFTY MLB New York Yankees Storm Gray Basic Fitted Hat from New Era is a perfect match for any Yankees fan out there. The six-panel construction with breathable eyelets ensures that your head stays fresh even on the sunniest days. Crafted with polyester fabric, it's specifically designed to minimize the risk of skin irritation. As I wore it, the crisp Yankees graphics on the crown made me feel like part of the team, adding a dash of visual appeal to my outfit. The flat bill type and gray/black color palette offered a stylish touch without being too flashy. However, there were some pros and cons to consider. On the positive side, the comfortable fit and high-quality materials made it a go-to choice for any Yankees enthusiast. But, the limited color options may not be for everyone, and some users reported that the hat didn't fit perfectly. Overall, I had a great experience with this cap, and it's definitely worth checking out if you're looking for a durable, fashionable Yankees hat. 🔗Affordable New Era 59FIFTY Side Patch Fitted Caphttps://preview.redd.it/syo2q9wj3j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=64c95a9ed8f225a1b6578f50ce2ac7df11b883fc The New Era 59FIFTY Side Patch Fitted Hat has been a staple in my fashion collection for quite some time now. This stylish cap offers on-trend detailing, allowing me to make a statement whenever and wherever I go. The unique design of this hat, with its side patch, adds a touch of sophistication to my everyday look. One of the highlights of this hat is that it is extremely comfortable to wear. The adjustable strap at the back ensures a snug fit without causing any discomfort. Moreover, it provides excellent sun protection, which is always an advantage during outdoor activities. That being said, there were a few areas where the New Era 59FIFTY Side Patch Fitted Hat did not meet my expectations. The most noteworthy being the size inconsistency issue. As stated by several reviewers, the cap size might not match the tag, leading to some surprises upon receiving the product. Overall, I believe the New Era 59FIFTY Side Patch Fitted Hat is a great addition to any fashion collection. Its unique design and comfort level make it a standout choice. Just be sure to check the size carefully before placing your order! 🔗United States World Baseball Classic Grey Bottom Navy 59FIFTY Fitted Caphttps://preview.redd.it/e80r3i6k3j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7dc1fd7fb89f51b4d095551e25244400a4b95ae7 Recently, I've been using the New Era 59FFTY 2023 World Baseball Classic USA Fitted Hat as part of my daily look for supporting Team USA. The first thing that stood out to me was the quality of the fabric; it's made of 100% polyester, which makes it very durable and easy to care for. Additionally, I love the embroidered country logo on the front, as it's a subtle yet effective way to show my team spirit without being too loud. However, one con I noticed is that the hat tends to come off easily when worn in windy conditions or during intense outdoor activities. Other than that, it holds up quite well and looks great. The combination of the navy top with the grey bottom gives it a classic, yet unique, design that sets it apart from other baseball caps. It's a must-have for any Team USA fan looking to show their support in style. 🔗Stylish Los Angeles Dodgers Vegas Gold & Cardinal Hat for Adultshttps://preview.redd.it/8pn03mik3j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2e88ddc94f143c35f85ee21d16e5e2001856d5ed I recently had the chance to try on the New Era Men's Vegas Gold, Cardinal Los Angeles Dodgers 59FIFTY Fitted Hat. As a fan of the team, I was excited to rock a unique twist on their classic style. One of the first things that stood out to me was the raised team logo embroidered on the front crown. It added a level of detail that made the hat feel more special and unique. However, I also noticed that the hat's structured build, while providing comfort, made it feel a bit too tight on my head. Despite this minor issue, I loved the overall design and concept of this hat. It provided a stylish, comfortable option to represent my favorite team, making it a great choice for any die-hard Dodgers fan. 🔗New York Yankees Summer Sherbet Hat - Fitted Style with Striking Embroideryhttps://preview.redd.it/w79dz40l3j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f78d48236c8e3bf9a0496afde1824a76fa3d1dd4 Summer just got a whole lot cooler with the Men's New Era Black York Yankees Summer Sherbet 59FIFTY Fitted Hat. I must say, this hat has been a game-changer in my closet. It fits perfectly with its snug yet comfortable design, and the structured construction adds a touch of style that makes me feel like I'm ready to hit the streets. The iconic New York Yankees embroidery and the playful ice cream cone design on the side really bring the essence of summer to life. However, one downside is that it might not be the most budget-friendly option out there. But if you're a true Yankees fan and want to add a pop of color to your wardrobe, this is definitely a hat you'd want to consider. Buyer's GuideCheap fitted hats have become a popular choice for fashion-conscious individuals who want to make a statement without breaking the bank. These stylish caps are known for their versatility, comfort, and affordability. However, when shopping for cheap fitted hats, it's essential to consider various factors to ensure you get the best possible quality for your money. In this comprehensive buyer's guide, we'll explore the essential features, considerations, and general advice for selecting the perfect cheap fitted hat to match your style and budget.Fabric and Materialhttps://preview.redd.it/mgnyl6pn3j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=595ac49b086f7af0ed7511bb61db67da95ce2dc6 One of the most important factors to consider when buying cheap fitted hats is the fabric and material used. Look for hats made of breathable, lightweight materials like cotton, linen, or mesh, which will keep your head comfortable during hot weather. Additionally, be sure to check the material's durability, as a high-quality hat will last longer, even with regular use. Fit and ComfortA well-fitted hat is crucial for both comfort and style. When trying on a cheap fitted hat, ensure it snugly fits your head without being too tight or too loose. The hat should sit comfortably above your ears, providing ample coverage while allowing room for your ears to hear. Comfort is another essential factor to consider, as you'll likely be wearing your hat for extended periods. Choose a hat with a soft, comfortable lining and a breathable interior material to ensure your comfort throughout the day.Design and StyleCheap fitted hats come in a wide range of styles and designs, from classic baseball caps to trendy bucket hats. Consider your personal style, as well as current fashion trends, when selecting a hat. Look for designs with adjustable straps, which will allow you to customize the fit and ensure the hat stays securely in place. Additionally, explore different colors and patterns to find a hat that best complements your wardrobe. https://preview.redd.it/9puii1bo3j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e99fd0d2738e84a8fe9af722fe7bd6b9b2ebc6ec Brand Reputation and ReviewsAlthough you're shopping for affordable hats, it's still important to consider the brand's reputation and customer reviews. Look for reputable, well-established brands known for producing high-quality, affordable hats. Check online review sites and forums for customer feedback on specific hat models, as well as overall brand satisfaction. This will help you make an informed decision and ensure you're getting the best value for your money.Care and MaintenanceTo ensure your cheap fitted hat lasts as long as possible, it's crucial to follow proper care and maintenance guidelines. Always read the manufacturer's care instructions, as different materials may require specific cleaning methods. Generally, hand-washing in cold water with mild detergent is the safest option for most fabrics. Store your hat in a dry, cool place away from direct sunlight to prevent fading and maintain its shape.Final Thoughtshttps://preview.redd.it/oc7j1b9p3j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=51a5287973267d4f386d5dcbab8d8f44507b67f0 When shopping for cheap fitted hats, remember to consider factors like fabric, fit, design, brand reputation, and care instructions. By focusing on these essential elements, you'll be well-equipped to find a high-quality, affordable hat that perfectly matches your style and preferences. So go ahead and explore the wide variety of cheap fitted hats available – there's sure to be one that suits your needs and budget! FAQWhat makes a hat a "fitted" hat?A fitted hat is designed to snugly fit on the wearer's head, providing a more comfortable and stylish fit as compared to a "one-size-fits-all" hat. This type of hat is typically made of a more flexible material, which can be easily reshaped to fit individual head shapes. https://preview.redd.it/rza1jbbq3j1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=11e252dec91e01e3b3d9680cf6c993213c2a6f2c Why are these hats considered "cheap"?The hats featured in this roundup are considered "cheap" due to their budget-friendly price range. Despite their affordability, these hats still offer quality style, comfort, and durability to the user.What are some common materials used to make inexpensive fitted hats?
Do these budget-friendly hats compromise on quality?No, while these hats are affordable, the manufacturers have not compromised on quality. They offer a wide range of styles, materials, and features to suit different preferences. As long as one chooses the right hat for their needs, these inexpensive options can still provide excellent value.Can I expect the hats to last for an extended period?The durability of a cheap fitted hat depends on the specific product and the materials used in its construction. However, most budget-friendly hats are designed to be long-lasting and provide good value for money. Be sure to follow the care instructions provided with the hat to ensure its longevity.Are there any downsides to buying budget-friendly fitted hats?One potential downside of buying cheap fitted hats could be compromised quality when compared to higher-end products. However, with the right selection of budget-friendly hats, you can still find great-looking, comfortable, and durable options that offer excellent value for your money.How should I measure my head to find the perfect cheap fitted hat size?First, use a flexible measuring tape. Wrap it around the largest part of your head, just above your ears. Record your measurement in centimeters or inches. Once you have your head size, refer to the sizing chart provided by the retailer that sells the cheap fitted hats. This will help you determine the correct hat size for the best fit and comfort.As an Amazon™ Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. |
2024.05.20 08:35 Etherealmama3 Striking the match, and just cannot stop pouring the gas
TW mention of childhood trauma, fertility; ab*rtion and miscarriage
I (26, F) live with my partner (28 M) of two and a half years and our Irish twins (19 months and 5 months old) we have a long and complicated history to say the least. (10+ years) A timeline for some context would be that we met young, freshman and juniors in high school; we went to different schools, made up, broke up a few times and always kept a very tight friendship in between young spouts of infidelity and overall teen bs. In my youth I experienced many pregnancy complications, which led to some emotional trauma for me. (More context here; one miscarriage was my partner’s when we were young and I didn’t tell him— it wasn’t right, but a confusing time for me) Through everything we always came back to each other. I lived a rougher life with minimal support, while his parents fawned over him constantly, and always had a higher quality of life. (Not yucky rich people, people who worked hard and wanted their child to enjoy the benefits). His parents loved me and I kept him far away from my family’s mess. That is, until I got pregnant.
My partner and I, let’s call him Drew, were not together at the time I conceived our first child. I told him the truth- he wasn’t my only current partner and that I respected him enough to tell him outright immediately; I told him that I love him, and I would chose him, and would consider and ab*rtion even though it would destroy me. I would do it, to earn trust back, and solidify us together again, as I’ve always wanted. He said he could never let me do that, but the fact that I put that out on the table showed how much I valued him in this time. We slowly worked on us, and welcomed our first healthy baby together! It was so beautiful! He meant my family, I slowly realized again why I kept them away, but I put my best foot fwd to build a strong “family” foundation.
I felt myself treading on eggshells emotionally because I knew he was taking on a lot- id moved in with him and his parents for us to save money and get secure, he worked full time, and prepared fully for a baby he wasn’t sure would be his. (Context: we only found out our first child was his recently through paternity, we did not test @ the hospital as the child arrived premature and emotionally we clung together tho feelings may have been unresolved— Drew secretly got a test recently) I’m sure there was plenty he has not said to me as he worked through his emotions and fell so madly in love with our child so quickly, that everything went to the side. ALTHOUGH we were going out once a week, and were the happiest at this point in my opinion. I had no postpartum issues and things were moving in a positive direction!
We begin to find normal life again when BOOM! Baby #2– this time— Drew was thrilled! Bouncing around ecstatic! This pregnancy was ALSO very healthy! Very good! Both made me very sick, but I managed better than many women who get it far far worse than I did. This is where some conflict arrises. At this point with baby number 2, I want to move out. Asap. Obviously he’s breadwinner but long story short, we move out. We’ve now been here 6 months and things have gotten bad as of recent. My family lives very close by, which has caused some conflict. I start to see “expectations” being let down. With ourfirst child I was SO SAD that he didn’t get me flowers, so I’d assumed (stupid I know) that he would get some for me, and it wouldn’t happen, for example.
I feel like I’ve gotten no postpartum care after our second child. He was “exhausted” in the hospital when I was recovering and not paying much attention to me. When we got home, no real physical affection that didn’t feel sexually driven. I can’t explain it? Like he just didn’t care about me anymore? I tried explaining and felt low key bullied out of everything I was feeling, “that’s not what I meant, I’m sorry” I’d believe it, we move on. At a point it began feeling too disrespectful. Mind you, now I’m only a few weeks PP, still bl*eding from birth and really needing to feel loved, but in a different way? More emotional. I’ve only had my last child 14 months prior before his one was born, my body and brain are traumatized to say the least- at this point. Things escalate.
We get into heated arguments that I begin SCREAMING. He gets disrespectful and dismissive which sends me spiraling, and we go back and forth for a few weeks. I will explain, in detail, what I need, and still won’t get it. Or may receive a snarky remark on why I didn’t get treated the way I asked- after a while of this repeating- I finally snap. I put my hands on him. I disgusted myself. I shook in anger and he laughed in a way I’ve never seen. It terrifies me. It’s happened one other time now, which was worse than the first. This ends up happening as a result of him trying to retreat to sleep, where I feel dismissed, and frankly just gross that he leaves me in tears to sleep, that u stomp into the room and continue the argument. He will say things like “I just can’t do this I am too tired” and “I don’t care I’m too tired to care” and I continue to spiral. I emotionally abuse him when I go in and just cannot let it go, but I cannot sleep from the anxiety of an unresolved issue (especially ones where he is very mean and stomps off to sleep, something in my brain is so abandoned in that moment I almost demand him to love me like he claims he does) it is like my fight or flight like I need him to help me calm down because I love him and want to feel safe with him.
More context; this man has NEVER been mean to me. I believe this is a result of him not being watered/appreciated out loud by me, but always needing to “provide something” for me. The issue is the things he does (a lot) don’t need to be done. But the few small things I NEED done are never ever done (example, a clean bottle for the 6am feed before bed to help me a little) instead I wake up to a sink full of bottles and starving baby. Etc. so because I am SO LOW I feel unable to provide that nurture for him. When I beg for that nurture he claims to not have it for me. He doesn’t listen to me, constantly does things I ask him not to, etc. I love him so much. I just feel so hated. I feel like he has never been sorry for things in our past, nor is he sorry about how I feel now, he just wants me to shut up (he doesn’t say that, he doesn’t even yell). More context I do work FT as well as care for our children alongside him. I over extend myself to many friends and am very extroverted so he doesn’t mind me going out a few days a week for an hour or two to relax. In many ways I am SO lucky to have him!!! In others, his words and actions feel so spiteful and resentful. I feel so overwhelmed and like I am giving my all, but have no safe place to fal. I also believe I provide him that same feeling.
Tonight, I drug him out of bed again, I needed him so badly. He was too tired. He ended it with “maybe this is just who you are. Maybe I just don’t love you” then fell asleep. A few minutes later, I woke him quietly after I cried, moved him to th bed where he said “I love you”. And it just hurts.
I feel like I single handedly destroyed my best friend and the love of my life from postpartum anxiety. Please help me get better (I know I need therapy badly I am looking into it immediately) I am so lost. Please help me.
submitted by Etherealmama3 to ToxicRelationships [link] [comments]
I (26, F) live with my partner (28 M) of two and a half years and our Irish twins (19 months and 5 months old) we have a long and complicated history to say the least. (10+ years) A timeline for some context would be that we met young, freshman and juniors in high school; we went to different schools, made up, broke up a few times and always kept a very tight friendship in between young spouts of infidelity and overall teen bs. In my youth I experienced many pregnancy complications, which led to some emotional trauma for me. (More context here; one miscarriage was my partner’s when we were young and I didn’t tell him— it wasn’t right, but a confusing time for me) Through everything we always came back to each other. I lived a rougher life with minimal support, while his parents fawned over him constantly, and always had a higher quality of life. (Not yucky rich people, people who worked hard and wanted their child to enjoy the benefits). His parents loved me and I kept him far away from my family’s mess. That is, until I got pregnant.
My partner and I, let’s call him Drew, were not together at the time I conceived our first child. I told him the truth- he wasn’t my only current partner and that I respected him enough to tell him outright immediately; I told him that I love him, and I would chose him, and would consider and ab*rtion even though it would destroy me. I would do it, to earn trust back, and solidify us together again, as I’ve always wanted. He said he could never let me do that, but the fact that I put that out on the table showed how much I valued him in this time. We slowly worked on us, and welcomed our first healthy baby together! It was so beautiful! He meant my family, I slowly realized again why I kept them away, but I put my best foot fwd to build a strong “family” foundation.
I felt myself treading on eggshells emotionally because I knew he was taking on a lot- id moved in with him and his parents for us to save money and get secure, he worked full time, and prepared fully for a baby he wasn’t sure would be his. (Context: we only found out our first child was his recently through paternity, we did not test @ the hospital as the child arrived premature and emotionally we clung together tho feelings may have been unresolved— Drew secretly got a test recently) I’m sure there was plenty he has not said to me as he worked through his emotions and fell so madly in love with our child so quickly, that everything went to the side. ALTHOUGH we were going out once a week, and were the happiest at this point in my opinion. I had no postpartum issues and things were moving in a positive direction!
We begin to find normal life again when BOOM! Baby #2– this time— Drew was thrilled! Bouncing around ecstatic! This pregnancy was ALSO very healthy! Very good! Both made me very sick, but I managed better than many women who get it far far worse than I did. This is where some conflict arrises. At this point with baby number 2, I want to move out. Asap. Obviously he’s breadwinner but long story short, we move out. We’ve now been here 6 months and things have gotten bad as of recent. My family lives very close by, which has caused some conflict. I start to see “expectations” being let down. With ourfirst child I was SO SAD that he didn’t get me flowers, so I’d assumed (stupid I know) that he would get some for me, and it wouldn’t happen, for example.
I feel like I’ve gotten no postpartum care after our second child. He was “exhausted” in the hospital when I was recovering and not paying much attention to me. When we got home, no real physical affection that didn’t feel sexually driven. I can’t explain it? Like he just didn’t care about me anymore? I tried explaining and felt low key bullied out of everything I was feeling, “that’s not what I meant, I’m sorry” I’d believe it, we move on. At a point it began feeling too disrespectful. Mind you, now I’m only a few weeks PP, still bl*eding from birth and really needing to feel loved, but in a different way? More emotional. I’ve only had my last child 14 months prior before his one was born, my body and brain are traumatized to say the least- at this point. Things escalate.
We get into heated arguments that I begin SCREAMING. He gets disrespectful and dismissive which sends me spiraling, and we go back and forth for a few weeks. I will explain, in detail, what I need, and still won’t get it. Or may receive a snarky remark on why I didn’t get treated the way I asked- after a while of this repeating- I finally snap. I put my hands on him. I disgusted myself. I shook in anger and he laughed in a way I’ve never seen. It terrifies me. It’s happened one other time now, which was worse than the first. This ends up happening as a result of him trying to retreat to sleep, where I feel dismissed, and frankly just gross that he leaves me in tears to sleep, that u stomp into the room and continue the argument. He will say things like “I just can’t do this I am too tired” and “I don’t care I’m too tired to care” and I continue to spiral. I emotionally abuse him when I go in and just cannot let it go, but I cannot sleep from the anxiety of an unresolved issue (especially ones where he is very mean and stomps off to sleep, something in my brain is so abandoned in that moment I almost demand him to love me like he claims he does) it is like my fight or flight like I need him to help me calm down because I love him and want to feel safe with him.
More context; this man has NEVER been mean to me. I believe this is a result of him not being watered/appreciated out loud by me, but always needing to “provide something” for me. The issue is the things he does (a lot) don’t need to be done. But the few small things I NEED done are never ever done (example, a clean bottle for the 6am feed before bed to help me a little) instead I wake up to a sink full of bottles and starving baby. Etc. so because I am SO LOW I feel unable to provide that nurture for him. When I beg for that nurture he claims to not have it for me. He doesn’t listen to me, constantly does things I ask him not to, etc. I love him so much. I just feel so hated. I feel like he has never been sorry for things in our past, nor is he sorry about how I feel now, he just wants me to shut up (he doesn’t say that, he doesn’t even yell). More context I do work FT as well as care for our children alongside him. I over extend myself to many friends and am very extroverted so he doesn’t mind me going out a few days a week for an hour or two to relax. In many ways I am SO lucky to have him!!! In others, his words and actions feel so spiteful and resentful. I feel so overwhelmed and like I am giving my all, but have no safe place to fal. I also believe I provide him that same feeling.
Tonight, I drug him out of bed again, I needed him so badly. He was too tired. He ended it with “maybe this is just who you are. Maybe I just don’t love you” then fell asleep. A few minutes later, I woke him quietly after I cried, moved him to th bed where he said “I love you”. And it just hurts.
I feel like I single handedly destroyed my best friend and the love of my life from postpartum anxiety. Please help me get better (I know I need therapy badly I am looking into it immediately) I am so lost. Please help me.
2024.05.20 08:33 notyourmere please check my writing task 2
THERE ARE TWO ESSAYS
Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?
The amount of species that facing extinction has been increasing and many has raised concern that this trend might start to spread to other species. In order to cease this trend from escalating further, it is important for us to understand the reasons of this trend and what are the actions needed to be taken.
To begin with, deforestation has been one of the main reasons why certain animals are facing extinction. Deforestation causes animals to lose their habitat and this forces these animals to adapt to unfamiliar environment. If these animals are not able to adapt quickly, their population might start to drastically decrease and from this, they become endangered and soon after will become extinct. Furthermore, deforestation has made it easier for poachers and hunters to track their desired species and this is also one of main cause of endangerment.
There are many initiatives that could be done by us and the government. Firstly, we could educate ourselves by researching and getting to know the species that are facing extinction and its effects on biodiversity. By doing this, we are aware of the consequences that we might face if we do not take any action against it. Moreover, introduction of strict legislation against deforestation should be stricter. For example, the government should evaluate the societal benefits of the land being emptied out. Furthermore, the government should work hand in hand with conservative bodies such as IUCN. Using resources from them, like the IUCN Red List, the government could then distribute this to the border patrol and prevent any illegal trafficking of animals.
In conclusion, it is our own actions that has force this issue to arise to this alarming rate. With that in mind, we should reconsider our actions and implement initiatives such as educating ourselves, setting legislations that put restricts deforestation and using resources from conservative bodies to guide our border. It is necessary to safeguard our biodiversity.
Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Differing opinions regarding government tracking our phone call records and messages has been a contentious debate. Some argue that it is for safety of everyone, while others say that it is an invasion on privacy. In my perspective, I agree with the latter viewpoint because these information should be private and therefore should not be accessed by anyone without permission. However, I will breakdown both viewpoint in this essay.On one hand, those who agree that our telephone should be tracked by the government argue that it enhances their sense of security and confidence when going out in public. They believe that government access to everyone's details can lead to safer environment for all, as it enables authorities to monitor and respond to potential threats more effectively. However, this argument is weak because not every criminal communicate through phone or messages, some criminals act independently and avoid digital communication altogether. This limitation invalidates the argument that phone tracking alone can ensure public safety.
On the other hand, those who argue that phone tracking is an invasion on privacy and personal freedom. They believe that constant monitoring can make them feel like they are under surveillance, affecting their behaviour and sense of liberty. Moreover, the data that is collected by the government can be misuse or accessed by unauthorised individuals, leading to potential misuse for malicious purposes, identity theft or discrimination. Furthermore, lack of consent would undermine people's control over personal information and erode trust in government institutions.
In conclusion, a sense of privacy on personal information should be respected by government institutions. This is beneficial for us and also the government as people would put more trust on the government. There should be other ways to keep a safer environment that does not involve invading personal privacy.
submitted by notyourmere to IELTS [link] [comments]
Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?
The amount of species that facing extinction has been increasing and many has raised concern that this trend might start to spread to other species. In order to cease this trend from escalating further, it is important for us to understand the reasons of this trend and what are the actions needed to be taken.
To begin with, deforestation has been one of the main reasons why certain animals are facing extinction. Deforestation causes animals to lose their habitat and this forces these animals to adapt to unfamiliar environment. If these animals are not able to adapt quickly, their population might start to drastically decrease and from this, they become endangered and soon after will become extinct. Furthermore, deforestation has made it easier for poachers and hunters to track their desired species and this is also one of main cause of endangerment.
There are many initiatives that could be done by us and the government. Firstly, we could educate ourselves by researching and getting to know the species that are facing extinction and its effects on biodiversity. By doing this, we are aware of the consequences that we might face if we do not take any action against it. Moreover, introduction of strict legislation against deforestation should be stricter. For example, the government should evaluate the societal benefits of the land being emptied out. Furthermore, the government should work hand in hand with conservative bodies such as IUCN. Using resources from them, like the IUCN Red List, the government could then distribute this to the border patrol and prevent any illegal trafficking of animals.
In conclusion, it is our own actions that has force this issue to arise to this alarming rate. With that in mind, we should reconsider our actions and implement initiatives such as educating ourselves, setting legislations that put restricts deforestation and using resources from conservative bodies to guide our border. It is necessary to safeguard our biodiversity.
Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Differing opinions regarding government tracking our phone call records and messages has been a contentious debate. Some argue that it is for safety of everyone, while others say that it is an invasion on privacy. In my perspective, I agree with the latter viewpoint because these information should be private and therefore should not be accessed by anyone without permission. However, I will breakdown both viewpoint in this essay.On one hand, those who agree that our telephone should be tracked by the government argue that it enhances their sense of security and confidence when going out in public. They believe that government access to everyone's details can lead to safer environment for all, as it enables authorities to monitor and respond to potential threats more effectively. However, this argument is weak because not every criminal communicate through phone or messages, some criminals act independently and avoid digital communication altogether. This limitation invalidates the argument that phone tracking alone can ensure public safety.
On the other hand, those who argue that phone tracking is an invasion on privacy and personal freedom. They believe that constant monitoring can make them feel like they are under surveillance, affecting their behaviour and sense of liberty. Moreover, the data that is collected by the government can be misuse or accessed by unauthorised individuals, leading to potential misuse for malicious purposes, identity theft or discrimination. Furthermore, lack of consent would undermine people's control over personal information and erode trust in government institutions.
In conclusion, a sense of privacy on personal information should be respected by government institutions. This is beneficial for us and also the government as people would put more trust on the government. There should be other ways to keep a safer environment that does not involve invading personal privacy.
2024.05.20 08:29 Greedy-Ad5851 forgiving your abusers (kind of vent)
tw: csa, neglect, emotional and physical abuse
whether you choose to or not is your decision, and most people have been through more severe situations than i have so i completely understand why the majority of people go no-contact. this is just my personal experience not advice or a discussion or anything. me, i have a pretty textbook recipe for cptsd: bpd/ocd teen mom and schizophrenic/depressive/npd teen dad. yes they have been professionally diagnosed with all of these things. when i was 3 i told everyone my dad sexually abused me and understandably my dad flipped out so i backtracked and said it was a joke. i have no idea what he did because my mom never witnessed anything and my dad refuses to talk about it without going into a rage and blaming me for my family's divorce and him losing all of his friends. ive been hypersexual since i was about a year old also so i have my suspicions about him either way. my mom got on drugs shortly after the divorce to work 2 jobs in a town about an hour over, so you can imagine i didnt see her much for my childhood-- i only had her mugshot after a police chase and picking her up after she crashed a car because she fell asleep driving to go by for a good 5-7 years. i hated her when she left. i was dead convinced she was a drug addict and a deadbeat because i didnt understand she was doing it for her kids. i lived with my grandparents during that time and they were neglectful as all get out and didn't even care if me and my sibling showered, brushed our teeth, slept at a reasonable time, or even went to school. my mom cared because she would be the one going to jail if we were truants. i was an anxious little kid and told everyone i had the stomach bug instead of going to school but i faked sick too long and my mom would come over in the mornings to drag me by my hair and beat my ass. which just made me more anxious and unwilling to go to school, or go out in public for that matter. probably the worst of my childhood boiled down to when i was 10 and my mom always shit talked my appearance and said i never took care of myself and got fat so she went to buy me new clothes. i was too anxious to even set foot out of the car and kept nervously brushing my hair to self soothe (thought i looked ugly but in retrospect girl u were fidgeting) until she took the brush out of my hand and whacked me on the head with it which caused a whole situation and her fighting to get me out of the car while i was crying. she called the cops and i just so happened to get some douche who got off to scaring the shit out of kids, because he handcuffed me for no reason just to lecture me and tell me to listen to my mom or i'd get sent to "adult prison." fun experience i guess. anyway the rest of my childhood and adolescence was my mom berating me for the smallest things and expecting me to act like a little adult and work and tend to the house AND also somehow have straight As in school, have friends, extracurriculars, and hobbies, but she's not going to financially support any of those hobbies or actually set into motion for me to hang out with friends. the few times i ever hung out with people i went to THEIR house and THEIR parents had to chaperone me around, and my family was just not involved to the point my friends wondered if i even had a mom. not even going to mention the transphobia i faced from my mom, but she took my binder that i bought with my own money and donated it to some rural christian thrift store... even thought itd be hilarious to mention the fact that theyd probably throw it out not even knowing what it was (this is long and melodramatic)
and yet... i still love my family. maybe feel obligated to, even. maybe my dad molested me and if so he's fucking disgusting for it. i don't know why you'd ever touch a baby. i don't know why he'd even have a motive to do so. he didn't really have a motive to cheat on my mom and fight her in front of me as a baby and steal her savings and drive out of state with no notice either. now he's just sad and suicidal and has been for over a decade and he's still hung up over the family he destroyed and apologizes to me anytime he sees me. to me, he's gotten his just desserts: he's a late 30s stoner who still lives with his parents and is still mad at his ex wife a decade later. i will never be close to him for abusing my mom but i genuinely forgive him for what he may have done to me and also the things he actually did to me, like calling me a slut and making me change my clothes and not wear makeup around him and telling me, his 8 year old daughter at the time, that women should be barefoot and pregnant and are also evil cheating jezebels. he still does it occasionally but his words hold no power over me and i think he realizes that so he's become more tolerant and agreeable. my mom basically destroyed any chance of me not fearing intimacy or anything short of perfection or being myself but sometimes she gets drunk and just sobs and hugs me and tells me she's sorry she couldn't do better and i wish she could have at the time when it kind of mattered substantially more to my development, but im proud of how far she's come and that she's trying to be less strict and cruel to toughen me up and make me appear relatively functional and normal, the things she couldn't be at the time. this lowkey turned me into a functional addict and gave me a really bad habit of dissociating and not listening to my needs later in life but its chillin.
after ALL of this forgiving my family for essentially giving me a shit hand at life is pretty rough. but its ultimately helped with my hypervigilance and i dont immediately read everyone's actions as if they are judging me or see me as a burden-- it just takes substantially less than the average person for me to feel that way! maybe i have not healed at all in my behaviors and still act like a sad, scared angry little kid. but i feel less wary of them at the least, and its nice for now.
submitted by Greedy-Ad5851 to CPTSD [link] [comments]
whether you choose to or not is your decision, and most people have been through more severe situations than i have so i completely understand why the majority of people go no-contact. this is just my personal experience not advice or a discussion or anything. me, i have a pretty textbook recipe for cptsd: bpd/ocd teen mom and schizophrenic/depressive/npd teen dad. yes they have been professionally diagnosed with all of these things. when i was 3 i told everyone my dad sexually abused me and understandably my dad flipped out so i backtracked and said it was a joke. i have no idea what he did because my mom never witnessed anything and my dad refuses to talk about it without going into a rage and blaming me for my family's divorce and him losing all of his friends. ive been hypersexual since i was about a year old also so i have my suspicions about him either way. my mom got on drugs shortly after the divorce to work 2 jobs in a town about an hour over, so you can imagine i didnt see her much for my childhood-- i only had her mugshot after a police chase and picking her up after she crashed a car because she fell asleep driving to go by for a good 5-7 years. i hated her when she left. i was dead convinced she was a drug addict and a deadbeat because i didnt understand she was doing it for her kids. i lived with my grandparents during that time and they were neglectful as all get out and didn't even care if me and my sibling showered, brushed our teeth, slept at a reasonable time, or even went to school. my mom cared because she would be the one going to jail if we were truants. i was an anxious little kid and told everyone i had the stomach bug instead of going to school but i faked sick too long and my mom would come over in the mornings to drag me by my hair and beat my ass. which just made me more anxious and unwilling to go to school, or go out in public for that matter. probably the worst of my childhood boiled down to when i was 10 and my mom always shit talked my appearance and said i never took care of myself and got fat so she went to buy me new clothes. i was too anxious to even set foot out of the car and kept nervously brushing my hair to self soothe (thought i looked ugly but in retrospect girl u were fidgeting) until she took the brush out of my hand and whacked me on the head with it which caused a whole situation and her fighting to get me out of the car while i was crying. she called the cops and i just so happened to get some douche who got off to scaring the shit out of kids, because he handcuffed me for no reason just to lecture me and tell me to listen to my mom or i'd get sent to "adult prison." fun experience i guess. anyway the rest of my childhood and adolescence was my mom berating me for the smallest things and expecting me to act like a little adult and work and tend to the house AND also somehow have straight As in school, have friends, extracurriculars, and hobbies, but she's not going to financially support any of those hobbies or actually set into motion for me to hang out with friends. the few times i ever hung out with people i went to THEIR house and THEIR parents had to chaperone me around, and my family was just not involved to the point my friends wondered if i even had a mom. not even going to mention the transphobia i faced from my mom, but she took my binder that i bought with my own money and donated it to some rural christian thrift store... even thought itd be hilarious to mention the fact that theyd probably throw it out not even knowing what it was (this is long and melodramatic)
and yet... i still love my family. maybe feel obligated to, even. maybe my dad molested me and if so he's fucking disgusting for it. i don't know why you'd ever touch a baby. i don't know why he'd even have a motive to do so. he didn't really have a motive to cheat on my mom and fight her in front of me as a baby and steal her savings and drive out of state with no notice either. now he's just sad and suicidal and has been for over a decade and he's still hung up over the family he destroyed and apologizes to me anytime he sees me. to me, he's gotten his just desserts: he's a late 30s stoner who still lives with his parents and is still mad at his ex wife a decade later. i will never be close to him for abusing my mom but i genuinely forgive him for what he may have done to me and also the things he actually did to me, like calling me a slut and making me change my clothes and not wear makeup around him and telling me, his 8 year old daughter at the time, that women should be barefoot and pregnant and are also evil cheating jezebels. he still does it occasionally but his words hold no power over me and i think he realizes that so he's become more tolerant and agreeable. my mom basically destroyed any chance of me not fearing intimacy or anything short of perfection or being myself but sometimes she gets drunk and just sobs and hugs me and tells me she's sorry she couldn't do better and i wish she could have at the time when it kind of mattered substantially more to my development, but im proud of how far she's come and that she's trying to be less strict and cruel to toughen me up and make me appear relatively functional and normal, the things she couldn't be at the time. this lowkey turned me into a functional addict and gave me a really bad habit of dissociating and not listening to my needs later in life but its chillin.
after ALL of this forgiving my family for essentially giving me a shit hand at life is pretty rough. but its ultimately helped with my hypervigilance and i dont immediately read everyone's actions as if they are judging me or see me as a burden-- it just takes substantially less than the average person for me to feel that way! maybe i have not healed at all in my behaviors and still act like a sad, scared angry little kid. but i feel less wary of them at the least, and its nice for now.
2024.05.20 08:16 elvie18 Perimenopause is making my wife's PMDD much worse and we're both at a loss. Doctors, shockingly, are useless.
My wife is 46 is neck-deep in perimenopause. Her cycles are much closer together, two periods a month. There's a week at one point in her cycle where she absolutely hates me. Not the usual things where I'm much more annoying than usual, or my fuckups are more infuriating than usual. That's fine, we all have those times. I mean she full-on hates me. I'm her enemy. My gender presentation disgusts her. She should have left me months ago. I'm deliberately doing things to "punish" her. I'm the reason her professional career has failed. I WANT her career to fail so she doesn't get so successful she leaves me. Etc.
And...look if these things are how she really feels, fair enough, I don't want to try and force her to be with me. But she's always super sorry days later. She genuinely thought I was preparing to leave her today (...in actuality I just wasn't near my phone for a couple hours and missed the "well if you think we should break up just do it already" text and she took my silence as a yes) and was really upset about it. So...I don't think she really means it? At least not entirely?
I set the scene not to act like some kind of victim, but to explain how the last eighteen months or so have gone from the usual PMDD chaos (which was never fun for either of us, but manageable) to this. I do believe that part of the issue is she's bpd and bipolar, and she's had to go way down on her mood stabilizers due to physical problems they're causing. That can't be helping. But medication changes aren't leaving her so exhausted and full of autoimmune condition flares that she can't get out of bed. Medication changes don't magically kick in at the same time in her cycle every month.
I've been put into medical menopause twice. I know the godawful place that is. Genuinely, my feelings for her turned into contempt seemingly overnight for no reason. And I remember how desperate I felt when she didn't believe that I had no idea how to control myself. I believe that a lot of our problems are hormonal, that the issues she's upset about would be surmountable without these other physical problems.
I want my wife back, and SHE wants HERSELF back. Preferably before she ends a thirteen-year relationship that, even with all of this, I want to preserve. (If it turns out she genuinely does hate me after the dust settles, well. I'll cross that bridge then.) Again I'm not trying to play a victim here, none of her complaints are coming out of nowhere, I have plenty to work on. And I'm doing so. But my own SI is back in full force after the latest fallout. And I just want to make it clear that I'm not looking for an excuse to bail when things got hard. She is and always will be my top priority. I will stay in this relationship until she leaves.
I can't go on like this and I doubt she can either. But the thing is, NO ONE seems to know what to do to help. Her GYN refuses to run any tests for hormone levels. Her psychiatrists are just like "eh, well, we tried nothing and we're all out of ideas." Birth control has historically been horrible for her. Her doctors are offering nothing. What should I be doing? What should she be doing? What should we be asking them for, what should we be doing on our own, how do I keep her if not happy than at least able to tolerate me? Is it usual that perimenopause worsens PMDD or has she just gotten another shitty hand healthwise?
I've been trying to convince her to see my GYN - he's not the best in every way, but he'll run tests and actually try to solve a problem - but I don't know what he'd be able to offer besides hormone replacement therapy. (Just to add to the fun pile, she's Jewish and while she's BRCA negative genetic testing shows she's at a somewhat increased risk for breast cancer regardless.) She's been taking magnesium with some help in terms of body pain, but that's about all the benefit she's gotten from things she's tried.
So, yeah. I just...any advice you could offer would be great. Maybe you could tell me what I should be doing to keep these situations from arising, if nothing else. Unfortunately couples counseling is off the table right now. Honestly not sure how much help they'd be anyway since it really is like dealing with a different person when things are bad. I'm not trying to victim blame, I know she can't help it. I'm just upset that it's so difficult and no one with the power to help seems to care. Which I'm guessing is something everyone here is familiar with.
submitted by elvie18 to PMDD [link] [comments]
And...look if these things are how she really feels, fair enough, I don't want to try and force her to be with me. But she's always super sorry days later. She genuinely thought I was preparing to leave her today (...in actuality I just wasn't near my phone for a couple hours and missed the "well if you think we should break up just do it already" text and she took my silence as a yes) and was really upset about it. So...I don't think she really means it? At least not entirely?
I set the scene not to act like some kind of victim, but to explain how the last eighteen months or so have gone from the usual PMDD chaos (which was never fun for either of us, but manageable) to this. I do believe that part of the issue is she's bpd and bipolar, and she's had to go way down on her mood stabilizers due to physical problems they're causing. That can't be helping. But medication changes aren't leaving her so exhausted and full of autoimmune condition flares that she can't get out of bed. Medication changes don't magically kick in at the same time in her cycle every month.
I've been put into medical menopause twice. I know the godawful place that is. Genuinely, my feelings for her turned into contempt seemingly overnight for no reason. And I remember how desperate I felt when she didn't believe that I had no idea how to control myself. I believe that a lot of our problems are hormonal, that the issues she's upset about would be surmountable without these other physical problems.
I want my wife back, and SHE wants HERSELF back. Preferably before she ends a thirteen-year relationship that, even with all of this, I want to preserve. (If it turns out she genuinely does hate me after the dust settles, well. I'll cross that bridge then.) Again I'm not trying to play a victim here, none of her complaints are coming out of nowhere, I have plenty to work on. And I'm doing so. But my own SI is back in full force after the latest fallout. And I just want to make it clear that I'm not looking for an excuse to bail when things got hard. She is and always will be my top priority. I will stay in this relationship until she leaves.
I can't go on like this and I doubt she can either. But the thing is, NO ONE seems to know what to do to help. Her GYN refuses to run any tests for hormone levels. Her psychiatrists are just like "eh, well, we tried nothing and we're all out of ideas." Birth control has historically been horrible for her. Her doctors are offering nothing. What should I be doing? What should she be doing? What should we be asking them for, what should we be doing on our own, how do I keep her if not happy than at least able to tolerate me? Is it usual that perimenopause worsens PMDD or has she just gotten another shitty hand healthwise?
I've been trying to convince her to see my GYN - he's not the best in every way, but he'll run tests and actually try to solve a problem - but I don't know what he'd be able to offer besides hormone replacement therapy. (Just to add to the fun pile, she's Jewish and while she's BRCA negative genetic testing shows she's at a somewhat increased risk for breast cancer regardless.) She's been taking magnesium with some help in terms of body pain, but that's about all the benefit she's gotten from things she's tried.
So, yeah. I just...any advice you could offer would be great. Maybe you could tell me what I should be doing to keep these situations from arising, if nothing else. Unfortunately couples counseling is off the table right now. Honestly not sure how much help they'd be anyway since it really is like dealing with a different person when things are bad. I'm not trying to victim blame, I know she can't help it. I'm just upset that it's so difficult and no one with the power to help seems to care. Which I'm guessing is something everyone here is familiar with.
2024.05.20 08:09 Appropriate_Room_687 I (18F) am having second thoughts about being with my boyfriend (19M) of 2 years. What should I do?
For context, we’ve been together for almost 2 years now but we’ve had an extremely rocky past. He (19M) used to be very controlling and manipulative and I (18F) helped him work through all of that. It was very draining to go through, but on top of that, he had disrespected my boundaries on multiple occasions. He had flirt with other girls either in person or through text and when I had confronted him about it he would say that he didn’t know what he was doing was wrong and said he wouldn’t do it anymore. There were also 2 major incidents where he had lied to me about a girl and when I confronted him about it he denied it for hours until I finally got him to tell me the truth (once I showed I had proof). I initially broke up with him, but I had convinced myself it wasn’t a big deal since he hadn’t actually cheated on me, he just lied about breaking the boundary (looking back on this, I definitely gaslit myself). He was extremely remorseful about lying and had opened up about having these toxic habits and tendencies throughout his past relationships, but he never knew how to fix them, so we decided to work on it together. Throughout this first year in our relationship, he never full on cheated (except for the flirting) and since these incidents he’s shown full remorse and has grown so much as a boyfriend since then. The person he was at the beginning of our relationship is almost completely different to how he is now. He hasn’t lied, manipulated me, or controlled me in any way since then. But, I now have the worst trust issues and feel that I can’t trust him. I have constant anxiety about whether he’s cheating on me or lying to me about other people, and even though he constantly reassures me that he isn’t, it doesn’t ease any of the anxiety. There are even times that I’ll ask to go through his phone (I know this isn’t the healthiest thing to do), and even though he’s apprehensive about it he still lets me and I never find anything to indicate him cheating or crossing any boundaries. Even though I don’t find anything, I still overthink and convince myself he is hiding something. These thoughts aren’t ALWAYS around, but they do occur at least once a month and cause some strain on our relationship. He’s frustrated with himself for breaking the trust and I’m tired with having these thoughts. Looking back, I shouldn’t have stayed with him for as long as I did, but I’m still with him now and we’re at a much better, healthier place in our relationship except for the overthinking on my end. I want to continue this relationship if possible, but what do I do? How do I heal and rebuild my trust with him?
submitted by Appropriate_Room_687 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2024.05.20 08:04 75976345 A repost by request:
The mods of ProRevenge exercised their judgement that, fair enough, my childhood story did not constitute revenge. I respect the decision. Apparently it was crossposted to another sub first, though, but the thing was too dang long and ended up cut off. I will provide the full post here and give full permission for anyone who is able to, to post the second half on the reddit it was crossposted to, but I would only like to say first:
I only use reddit to troubleshoot tech issues since Google is down the drain now, and read BoRU posts on occasion. In general, I like to keep a very low social media footprint. So please understand that this will be my final word on this post. :)
I am sending much love from across the internet to every neurodivergent person who saw themselves in this story and a possibility of how being out of the ordinary can also mean being extraordinary. You are fantastic! You are fantastic! You are fantastic! I will say it three times so you understand the importance of it!
submitted by 75976345 to u/75976345 [link] [comments]
I only use reddit to troubleshoot tech issues since Google is down the drain now, and read BoRU posts on occasion. In general, I like to keep a very low social media footprint. So please understand that this will be my final word on this post. :)
This happened decades ago now, back in primary school. I only remembered it because I was recently catching up with old friends from back then, and we got to laughing over old stories and then someone mentioned, "The wildest was when you organised that whole protest against our teacher."Actually, this is my final word on this post:
"The time I did what?"
The consensus was I did, indeed, organise the entire class to rebel against our teacher that resulted in her being deposed and our class getting a "substitute" for the rest of the year. I almost fell out of my chair hearing this story from their mouths. It wasn't that I didn't remember it, of course I did--that year was awful. It was just that it existed very differently in my memory.
Two important pieces of background knowledge to understand here:
I went to a very very small, very very rural school. How small? Each classroom was composed of the entire year level, and the largest had at most 30 kids in them. My class/year level was on the smallest in the entire school, with a piddling 14 kids in it altogether. While we still had our cliques and factions, our small size caused our class to be very tight knit and protective of each other. How rural? The school building itself was incredibly small, but one thing we were not short on was gigantic empty fields surrounding us on all sides. Great for sports, great for (it turns out) student protests.
I was, at the time, undiagnosed autistic. I mean I still am autistic, I'm just formally diagnosed now. But back then I was just seen as being a very quirky kid. One of the ways this quirkiness manifested was that I really had trouble adapting to the rules and structure of grade school and how it differed from what I was used to. At home if I wanted to pee, I just went to the toilet. Now I have to put my hand up? Now I have to ask permission to piss? Then I went home and put my hand up to ask my mom for permission to pee and she told me I didn't need to! Madness! Chaos! I don't care what the rules are, please just be consistent!
But one of the main parts of my brain and the way it works is that sometimes my brain, separate from my will, would just make a decision about a course of action and I would very calmly commit to it come hell or high water. Like, it is vitally important that I stay true to this course of action. I can't explain it. It's like I set a rule for myself and if something disrupts that, I just shut down and stop functioning.
So when the school said, "Okay, when this bell rings during recess/lunch, that means you have to leave the playground and go back to class", I was a confused child already struggling with all these completely nonsensical limitations and guidelines imposed on me. So when that bell rang, I got that calm little voice in my head that said, "Hmm, no, I'm good out here actually. I don't think I will go back into class." So I would just continue to sit out on the playground, playing with my plastic spider toys or sitting on the swing. Teachers would realise what was going on and come out to get me and tell me I have to go back to class, and I would just very calmly hear them out and then smile at them and politely as possible tell them, "No thank you, I want to stay out here."
They really didn't know what to do with me. I wasn't getting upset, I wasn't throwing a tantrum, I wasn't yelling, I wasn't being rude in any way. I was incredibly docile and would let them explain things to me with endless patience and then just politely refute them and go back to what I was doing, like this was just a very normal and reasonable negotiation between two equal parties. I have memories of sitting on the swing while three very confused and flustered adult staff huddled around me trying to bribe me with candy to go back to class. It would take a whole lesson block to lure me back to the classroom, and then at lunch the whole thing would start over again. It took me three years at school to finally accept the status quo thanks to a religious nutter I got for a teacher, and finally went back to class when the bell rang (was never happy about it though).
I eventually settled into school life. Excelled at subjects I liked, at least passed subjects I didn't, followed the rules, was seen as intelligent and obedient and was often liked by my teachers. Until my final year, when we got the teacher I can only rudely monniker Mrs Bigmouth.
Mrs Bigmouth should not have been a teacher. She had a trigger temper and would explode into long, verbally abusive tirades against us if we ever did anything she felt was disrespectful behaviour. What was disrespectful behaviour? Damned if I know. It changed day by day, depending on mood. You could disrespect her to her face one day and she'd laugh and say you have such razor wit, and politely ask a question the next and she'd scream at you for ten nonstop minutes then give you a week of DT for talking back. The absolute peak moment of her boiling temper came when she threw a dictionary at a girl's head because she was whispering to me in class. When I tell you it missed her by half an inch...
But believe it or not, this wasn't what made her such an awful teacher. It was so hard to get teachers at rural schools back then, there was almost nothing you could do to get fired, so we had experience with teachers with nightmare tempers. What made her such an issue was her big mouth. She used us, her trapped audience, as free therapy. She would infodump, traumadump, about her very personal, very private life to us. All day. She'd be two words into a spelling list and launch into an extended story session about her marital issues with her husband. We'd be heads down doing fractions and, unprompted, she'd declare to the class that her adult daughter no longer talks to her and then diatribe to us about it until the bell rang. She had money issues, a contentious relationship with her parents, her marriage was on the rocks. She once pulled me aside after school and spoke with me, at length, about how she was thinking of having another child to try to repair her marriage. I was like, okay lady, I'm 11, about to miss my bus, and my house is a 4 hour walk on foot from here.
We weren't learning. We'd hadn't had a complete lesson since the first week of the school year. We were behind on the cirriculum and frustrated. One kid had brought a stopwatch into school and would time lessons vs her monologues and kept detailed lists, and we would come to school each morning and do betting pools on them. What subject would she interrupt, what would she talk about, and how long would it go.
But all that still wasn't the breaking point if you can believe it. No! Still not! The problem was it wasn't just her own private life she couldn't keep her mouth shut about. It was everyone else's. Because parents would make the reasonable assumption that she should be told things as our class teacher that would be important to know, and that she would understand these things were said in confidence. Instead she would veer randomly off in the middle of talking to us about her horrible weekend to let us know whatever private or traumatic thing was going on in a classmate's life that she had been made aware of. That was awful. That was what made that year hell. It wasn't even about when my secrets were shared with the entire class against my consent. It was watching the faces of my small, lovely, supportive class of 11 year old children go pale and scrunch up with held-back tears as things they never wanted to share were announced like morning news. God we hated her.
Then one day that voice came. The one I hadn't heard in years. The bell ring to go back into class and that voice said, "But I don't want to be in that classroom. I'm not even being taught there." So I just... didn't. I didn't go back to class. I just sat in the playground in a daze eating grass (don't eat grass, it's not good for your teeth). Despite how small my class was, I don't think Mrs Bigmouth even noticed I wasn't there. Others did though. Come lunch and everyone came out, my friends asked me where I was and I said, "Oh, I didn't go back to class."
"Why didn't you go back to class?"
"Why would I go back to class?"
Lightbulb moment for my schoolmates. Yeah, why would they go back to class? What was the point? From a practical standpoint, they weren't learning. From an emotional standpoint, it was horrible to be there. A friend who had had her family's dirty laundry aired to the entire class just last week, things even she didn't know because her parents tried to keep it from her, asked if she could sit with me rather than go back to class. I just stared at her, vacant and confused.
"Sure? I mean, I'm just eating grass though."
Over the next few days, two kids turned into four, turned into ten, turned into the whole class. The whole class was doing a sit-out protest on the field rather than go back to class. Of course Mrs Bigmouth tried to do something about it. She'd come out, screaming at us and threatening us with DT and internal suspension, but six months of that behaviour had totally vaccinated us against her. I'd become the de facto leader and spokesperson of the protest by merit of being the first to sit out and also because I was well known to not give a shit (autistic brain: I actually just frequently had trouble reading and reacting with the correct social behaviour but it gave me a cool and aloof bad boy mystique I guess). I gave her the exact same treatment from back in grade one. I would let her scream, let her holler, let her threaten, let her spittle rain down on me, and then I would give her a sweet and innocent smile and nod in acknowledgement and say, "No thank you, we're going to remain out here." And thirteen pairs of eyes would stare at her in total silence. No one, not even the most gobbermouthed little shite in the class, would volunteer a word. The unspoken agreement was all negotiations were my responsibility.
The thing about angry people is that they feed off conflict. They get you angry so they can respond with even more anger and it nourishes them. She had no absolutely no plan of action on how to deal with me patiently hearing her out then refuting her in the gentlest of terms.
Another thing that ended up helping down the line is that we made an attempt to conduct our own classes. I mean, they sucked and we didn't learn much because we were kids with no supervision, but it was really cute in retrospect. We'd have groups of people assigned to subjects, with some people bringing in words they found in a dictionary for spelling lists and others bringing in old 6th grade homework from older siblings. The heart was there and it served a purpose, if not educational.
"Okay, but how did no one else notice this was happening? Surely people would notice 14 kids sitting on the lawn, not in class?"
Rural school. Big. Empty. Fields. Even screaming at us, the most other classrooms would hear would be muffled voices, and everyone was used to hearing her yelling at us or taking us out onto the field abruptly to make us do laps as group punishment. Plus the way the school buildings were arranged was that it was actually all in one straight line of adjacent rooms, and ours happened to be at the very end of the building. No windows faced the field we all sat in except that of our own classroom. It was just a very lucky arrangement of coincidences and preconceived notions, at least for a couple weeks. I couldn't tell you the exact number, this was so long ago and as a kid I definitely had a more stretched idea of time. Minutes felt like hours, especially during that year. But there was definitely at least two weekends that passed by since the "sit-out protest" started.
Eventually someone cottoned on to what was happening, or maybe Mrs Bigmouth humbled herself and finally confessed to her boss that she had lost control of a bunch of 11-year-olds, so we were called into the principal's office to sort this out. As the representative of our class, I was of course chosen to attend the meeting, flanked by the girl who'd had the dictionary thrown at her head and my friend who was the first to sit out with me. Since I understood that this meeting was one where we were probably going to be yelled at for doing the wrong thing, a thing I had ample experience of, I felt like the easiest way to mitigate things (especially since I felt guilty for being the instigator) was to explain in a very rational and logical way the series of events that led up to our bad behaviour. As well, for my entire life my mother had always taught me that it was no good complaining about things unless you were also willing to think of solutions. "I'm hungry!" - "Well, what's a solution to that problem?" - "Uh, make myself a sandwich?" - "Great! Let's do that together!"
So what did I do? Of course, to make things as clean and concise as possible, I interviewed my class one by one to hear each individual story of why they didn't feel comfortable going to class anymore, itemised them under categories (Verbal Aggression; Interruptions of Lessons; Oversharing Student Life) for easier discussion because my little quirky brain loved itemising things, and then as a kind of olive branch came up with solutions (we wanted to finish lessons unhindered, we wanted our personal privacy to be respected, we wanted to be able to catch our bus on time rather than being held back with unfair DT or long "chats"). So many things sort of came together in this beautiful, wholly accidental way. We had months of records of timed rants and monologues, noted down to the millisecond thanks to that kid's stopwatch. We had records of us trying to teach ourselves during the protests, showing this wasn't us just not wanting to go to class but due to us feeling as though we did not have a class to go to. When the principal heard all this, her jaw it the floor. A lot of it was stuff she knew, peripherally, but things had just never been laid out so neatly before. Some of it was stuff we'd complained to parents about, but it was one kid coming home and telling one parent one time, weeks ago. There was no real sense, up until now, the sheer scope of her behaviour. She didn't even answer us. She just said, "Okay, I need to call your parents."
We got the rest of the week off school. That weekend, every parent of every student came to a meeting between them, Mrs Bigmouth, and the principal. Stories were swapped. My exercise book with my tidy little lists and the records of the betting pool and monologue times were confiscated and brought into the meeting. I don't know what went down, but when my mother came home she just told me that Mrs Bigmouth would not be our problem for the rest of the school year, and more importantly, that she was incredibly proud of me and that I did the right thing. Rarely in my childhood had my inability to integrate into normal society led me to doing the right thing, so I just remember crying and hugging and feeling vindicated about, I don't know, just existing or something.
So yeah. From the outside perspective here is what it looked like: I, the ringleader with a history of dismissing school rules, organised a sit-out strike amongst my class. I kept the protest peaceful and non-disruptive to other classes. When negotiations with the principal were finally arranged, as the representative I compiled a clear list of greivances, with evidence, and a list of reasonable demands. I mean, holy crap, yes, yes I clearly organised a student protest.
The actual results of it are mixed. We got a revolving door of substitute teachers of varying quality for the rest of the school year, occasionally being bundled into other classrooms entirely when they couldn't find someone. It wasn't a great learning environment and we continued to struggle a lot, but it was better than before. Mrs Bigmouth was not actually fired but put on leave for the rest of the school year, then returned and was put in charge of a different year level (which happened to be the class of the younger sister of a guy in my class: according to him, she was quiet as a church mouse that entire year so I hope at least she learned her lesson, or at least finally got divorced and went to actual therapy). The entire ordeal caused our already small and close class to become really really supportive and like family to each other and we all remain in touch until this day. And we became fierce about standing up for ourselves.
I kind of learned to parse the difference between when it was appropriate to go along with set societal rules even if I don't understand them, and when those rules were just straight up unreasonable and nobody should be required to follow them. I did, years alter, lead an actual (very small) strike at work but intentionally that time. My mother was proud of me then too. :)
I am sending much love from across the internet to every neurodivergent person who saw themselves in this story and a possibility of how being out of the ordinary can also mean being extraordinary. You are fantastic! You are fantastic! You are fantastic! I will say it three times so you understand the importance of it!
2024.05.20 07:50 CrinkleDink House Renart, Part 2: The Death of the Fox, and the Birth of the Dragon
 | Part 1: https://www.reddit.com/CrusaderKings/comments/1crfhjs/so_i_played_the_box_art_dynasty_house_renart_here/ submitted by CrinkleDink to CrusaderKings [link] [comments] King Oldrik, King of Poland and Pomerania, had a long and successful reign. With his defeat of the northern pagans, House Renart believed it could conquer the world. However, it would be internal strife that would nearly lead the House to destruction... King Wielslaw, King of PolandTo every dynasty, there is always a weak link. King Oldrik chose his heir poorly.King Wielslaw (March 31st, 1139 - 25 of August, 1181) was King of Poland from 1177 until his death in 1181. He had barely any children, as his father’s inbreeding led him to having infertile loins, having very few children. In life, he was a stubborn, arrogant man, but was oddly compassionate in his ways. He was known to be handsome in life and was fairly intelligent. He was skilled in theology and the matters of law and land, as well as history. However, he had a heavy drinking problem which would evidently lead to his demise, as well as disease. As a prince Wielslaw, the youngest of his brothers, was granted the Duchy of Veletia in 1153 as his father was preparing him for rule. There he ruled for some time until his father Oldrick I died. He would ascend to the throne of Poland in 1177 while his brother Wielslaw became King of Pomerania, splitting the realms into two. The same year, King Wielslaw went to war against Queen Darya of Volhynia, taking the southern provinces. The war lasted for two years, with the queen being defeated in March of 1179. In 1180, King Wielslaw went around the country to enact justice and enforce taxes on his vassals. This proved to make him unpopular with the people. However, it did allow him to draft a Wielslaw came to King Mieszko's defense against Stammesherzog Dethard's attempted de jure war of Duchy of Anhalt in 1181. This would lead to a swift victory. However, as he was fighting in Anhalt, a great disease of Bloody Flux spread throughout the land. King Wielslaw, while leading his troops in the camp, caught the disease and grew very ill. He began to drink during this time, and while drunk, he named his younger son, Oldrick, his new heir, while his eldest son, Sulistryj, was disinherited, due to murdering a man during a duel. He died on the 25th of August, 1181. A courier went out to Krakow to declare the young prince Oldrick as the new King of Poland, which shocked the court. King Oldrick II, King of PolandTragedy befell this scaly yet innocent young king! From the drunken lips of his foolish father his fate was unfortunately sealed.Oldrick II (May 6th, 1177 - January 3rd, 1186) was the King of Poland from 1181 to his death in 1186. A mere child who came upon the throne due to his father’s drunken final will, Oldrick saw a great civil war overtake his lands. His uncle, King Miezko of Pomerania, though having an alliance, schemed against him, and would ultimately take his life. Throughout his reign he dealt with a civil war for his throne, led by his vassal Duke Uściech Lewiki in 1182. He had little power, though his most significant act was restoring his brother Sulistryj’s inheritance to become next in line for the crown of Poland. This hurt the plans of King Miezko, who was feigning his loyalty to the boy when fighting the civil war. However, Oldrick II would be assassinated by King Miezko through poisoned candy, leading to his brother, Sulistryj, to take over the throne. Sulistryj I ‘the Beautiful’, King of Poland and PomeraniaVengeance to a brother's honor, and with a tongue as sweet as honey, his reign was unfortunately cut short by the thread of fate.Sulistryj I (July 20th, 1156 - October 13th, 1214) was the King of Poland in 1186, and King of Pomerania in 1188, until his death in 1214. The eldest son of King Wielslaw, he saw support for his tenure on the throne of Poland after the death of his younger brother and proved to be a very capable diplomat. Sulistryj would be the last member of the pure House of Renart. When he did, his uncle Dobromir Renart-Glogow would usurp power in the family. In life, he was rumored to be an atheist, and he had murdered a man in a duel. However, he was also known for being a very handsome man and intelligent, and well read and practiced in matters of diplomacy. Sulistryj, before he was king, was notable for defeating Duke Usciech. During the civil war, he commanded a battle against the duke at the Battle of Gniezno on the 19th of April, 1183. The duke would surrender to King Oldrick II, and would then be beheaded and his lands stripped, delivered to Sulistryj who regained his right to inheritance. Three years later, in 1186, his brother Oldrick II would die mysteriously. Sulistryj had suspected his uncle Miezko was vying for the throne of Poland and had him killed. And indeed, Miezko had sent a delegation to declare his rivalry with Sulistryj at the beginning of the summer, declaring his claim to Poland was truer. Sulistryj knew what was coming: an invasion. To act quicker, Sulistryj quickly rallied his hosts and vassals outside the borders of Pomerania, and on the 5th of July, 1186, he declared himself the rightful King of Pomerania just as Miezko was on pilgrimage towards Rome. King Miezko quickly returned, not expecting such a bold decision from his nephew. A series of engagements would take place in the province of Nordmark, leading to a few staggering defeats for Sulistryj, including at the Battle of Ukkria. However, though the Pomeranians won the battle, King Miezko was severely injured. His son, Oldrick, would take over the front of battle. And yet, from the south, King Otakar of Bohemia, seeing a moment of opportunity, invaded the next summer on the 4th of June, 1187, trying to take the lands of Lubben against King Sulistryj. King Sulistryj grew nervous of the Bohemian invasion. However, come December, as his troops were making camp in the winter, he received news from a courier: King Miezko was dead. He had died from injuries sustained at the Battle of Ukkria. The Battle of Strassburg (April 10th, 1188) would be the final engagement between the two kingdoms. King Sulistryj confronted King Oldrick II of Pomerania at the battle. By this point, Pomerania had grown exhausted and morale was terrible, and they were outnumbered. With Oldrick II’s rule being unfavored, the armies of Pomerania found themselves quickly overrun by the Poles. King Oldrick was defeated, and gave his crown over to Sulistryj. The following year, in January, however, Oldrick II rebelled against, declaring his sister Princess Luitgard of Osterland was the proper queen of Pomerania. A quick skirmish took place in February of that year, leading to a white peace between the rebellious Oldrick and the king. He then began a claim war for the crown of Pomerania once again, the following year in 1190. He was once again defeated, and because of his constant rebellion, had his titles over Pomerania stripped and was beheaded. In August of 1201, a Grand Tournament was held in Poland, the first of its kind in the land, under King Sulistryj. Here, the king himself won the Melee and Archery contests. In 1209, Duke Krystyn of Veletia became a rival of King Sulistryj and declared him an illegitimate ruler. In December of that year, he began a rebellion of dethronement against the king. A year of small skirmishes and chasing took place, until the duke was defeated at the Battle of Gottingen on the 18th of December, 1210. The Duke would be imprisoned, his titles revoked, and executed. The king gave his second eldest son Sulistryj the title. Then, in 1213, King Sulistryj decided to go on pilgrimage to the city of Cologne with his eldest son Oldrick. They began their journey in January of that year. However, a great plague overcame the city of Consumption. When Sulistryj arrived, he and his son grew ill. They finished their pilgrimage at the church of Cologne, and were quickly delivered home by their servants. However, when they arrived in October, the king, nor his son, was recovering from their sickness. King Sulistryj grew worse, and would pass away, leaving his eldest son Otger to inherit the throne of Poland, while his son Sulistryj became King of Pomerania. King Otger II ‘the Sickly’Alas, many tried to save his reign but it would be the woes of plague that did him in. And thus the House of Renart would die with him.Otger II (October 25th, 1204 - June 2nd, 1217) was the King of Poland from 1214 until his death from consumption in 1217. His reign saw a great era of instability within the land. Historically, Otger II was the last king of the proper Renart dynasty. When he became king, the sudden death of his father caused opportunistic vassals to favor his great-uncle and grandfather, Duke Drobomir of Silesia. Though Duke Drobomir swore loyalty to the line of Sulistryj (his nephew) he secretly schemed to take over the throne. Duke Drobomir conspired the vassals of Poland to turn against the young king. In the second year of Otger’s reign, Count Janusz Halicki of Kalisz led the dukes and counts of Poland in rebellion against Otger, declaring that Duke Drobomir the true King of Poland. They marched out in April, heading toward the capitol. Count Janusz went ahead of the army. Meanwhile, King Otger’s brother, Sulistryj, rounded his armies in support of his brother, as well as the armies of England. On the 21st of October, Count Janusz entered Krakow and went past the guards. He made an attempt on the life of King Otger, but the loyal and brave Duke Powel of Rzepin saved the life of the king. Janusz was captured from his attempt just as the Polish armies defeated his army outside of the city. Thus the count was captured, and the rebels defeated. The civil war ended there, but things were still growing unstable in the realm. Alas, the king grew ill further through the winter, his Consumption worsening. His condition grew dire, and his physician was unable to cure him, only ease his woes. Duke Drobomir was expecting to be in line for the throne. Instead, as his last act, Otger declared his brother Sulistryj would become king in his place. Duke Drobomir was insulted by this act, and as the king was dying, he quickly made himself the head of House Renart with his own cadet branch, the House of Glogow. King Otger died in June of 1217, at the age of 13. Meanwhile, Drobomir began a new faction to install himself as King of Poland… Emperor Sulistryj ‘the Wend’ of West-SlaviaThough the fox dies, rising from the ashes will be a mighty dragon of the east.Sulistryj II (June 5th, 1206 - September 10th, 1283), known as “the Young”, the “Confessor”, but most notably “the Wend”, was the King of Poland and Pomerania from 1217, and the eventual Emperor of the West Slavs in 1255, until his death in 1283. Inheriting the throne from his older brother at the age of 11, Sulistryj ruled from an astounding 66 years, in which he united the west slavic kingdoms of Pomerania and Bohemia and unified the West Slavs into a single Wendish empire. He inherited the throne of Poland after the death of his brother Otger. He was beforehand ruling as Duke of Veletia and the King of Pomerania. When he became King of Poland, he had little power over his kingdom, for his uncle, Duke Dobromir ‘the Handsome’ of Silesia, became his regent. The Duke had expected to take over the throne from his nephews, but instead, Sulistryj was crowned king, leading to a damper in his schemes. Duke Dobromir, as the grandfather of the king, became the head of the household and quickly began to take more powers from the king, ruling in his place and becoming head of the House of Renart. With Otger II dead, and Sulistryj’s mother being Dobromir’s daughter, and the remaining Renarts dead, Dobromir declared the house of Renart extinct. The Renarts are dead. Long live the House of Glogow! This went against the will of Sulistryj, who stripped Dobromir of much of his regnal powers. Dobromir threatened rebellion in 1221, seeking to claim the crown of Poland for himself. He schemed to kill his grandson, hoping to put his own direct son, also named Dobromir, onto the throne. Dobromir proceeded to try and kill the young king when he was studying at the University of Krakow. The attempt was quickly discovered and thwarted by Duke Powel of Rzepin, once again loyal to the king as spymaster and bodyguard. The following year, Sulistryj was finally coronated as he reached the age of 16. There, King Sulistryj II announced himself as the “first of the House of Glogow” in spite of his grandfather. He took over the Renart dynasty and disinherited his grandfather, destroying his son’s claims to the Kingdom of Poland. But still he schemed, as he knew it could be restored if he took the throne. A house divided against itself shall not stand! To ensure confidence in his rule, Sulistryj pressed his bassal Czcibor’s claim to the Duchy of Ostfalen in 1222, and then married Maria of Norway. He would win the duchy, taking it from the Emperor of Germany at the time. However, not all were confident in the rule of King Sulistryj, as Duke Dobromir continued to plot against his grandson. Count Alexander Kujawski rebelled against the king in 1229, but he was swiftly defeated and executed for his crimes. King Sulistryj proved to his grandfather that he was not willing to mess around. Dobromir tried to flee as the remaining rebellious counts were imprisoned, but he was captured. Dobromir was imprisoned, and by coercion was forced to give up his claims to Poland, and then was disinherited and dethroned from Silesia. Out of compassion, Sulistryj spared his grandfather, as the chronicler wrote in “The History of the Wends” the following: “King Sulistryj declared, ‘The Renarts have died, but the blood of Glogow will not be severed. You shall have a place in my house, until the end of your days. As it is, I rule as a son under your blood.’” Thus Dobromir would remain in Krakow as a servant of his grandson, until the end of his days in 1232, where he died from drinking. Thus his legacy, despite his reportedly loving nature (despite his treachery, he did care for his grandsons as they grew up fatherless) he was still viewed as a traitor and usurper. Thus he has become a figure of plays and songs in the West-Slavic culture. His most prominent appearance, and basis of much fiction, was in the “Song of Renart” in which he was portrayed as a scheming traitor. During this time, legend spread that King Sulistryj had slain a dragon. He gave into the story, proclaiming himself a mighty dragon slayer and that he, too, would slay the enemies of the Poles. This brought him great praise throughout the land. The following year, 1232, Queen Maria would die in childbirth as she gave birth to her daughter Jadwiga. She had three children with Sulistryj. King Sulistryj held a funeral for both her and his grandfather, mourning their loss. The same year, King Sulistryj would remarry Rognfrithr of Denmark. She would birth his eldest son Dalimir in 1234, and Dobrogost in 1237. Now King Sulistryj was well read in the histories of Poland. Though he knew was of German descent, he began to read of the Wendish tribes of Germany many centuries prior. He remembered that once his family had held titles in Northern Germany. He began to see himself as a great unifier of his house’s ancestral claims, and the claims of the west slavs. He also believed the Holy Roman Emperor was a threat to his power over the region. Therefore, Sulistryj grew a vision of a Wendish Empire, of German and Pole, to secure his realm. You were useful, Teutonic Knights. However, I have a mighty need to unite the West Slavs! He declared war against the Teutonic Order in 1240 as he recaptured the Duchy of Pomerania. The Grandmaster was defeated at the Battle of Szczytno in 1241, and King Sulistryj II saw victory a few months later in January of 1242. The same year, King Sulistryj invaded Anhalt and captured it, fighting Kaiser George’s for the duchy and ultimately defeating him on November 6th of 1245. Two years would pass, as Sulistryj began building castles and fortresses across Poland and in particular Krakow. Then in 1247 he invaded the duchy of Pomeralia, held by the Teutonic Knights. He would capture Grandmaster Ekbert’s son Warren at the Battle of Gydnia and lead the Teutons to once again losing land to the Poles. The Teutons were driven completely out of the Pomeranian lands. King Sulistryj would claim himself as the proper Duke of Bohemia and Moravia, as they were once West Slavic holdings, as well as Duke of Meissen. He made an alliance with the King of Hungary, the Emperor of Francia, and the King of England, to take on the much larger and vast Holy Roman Emperor. Kaizer George had conducted diplomacy with King Sulistryj II prior, and so felt betrayed by the king as he invaded central Germany and Bohemia in 1250. King Venceslav of Croatia came to the assistance of the Kaizer. This began what chroniclers called the War of the Wend. Hopefully the Pope doesn't bother to check the actual historical claims over this... He doesn't need to know what the King may or may not have made up. ;) Sulistryj led the Polish armies by himself and first attacked northern Bohemia while the emperor tried to attack Francia. The English and Polish armies raided throughout Bohemia. They would be confronted by King Venceslav at Unicov on May 4th of 1252, who attacked the English armies, but the Poles came to the defense of the English and defeated the Croatians, who fled. Prague was overtaken by the Poles and English as Kaiser George finished defeating a rebellion near his capitol. The German forces marched into central Bohemia, with their army being led by the Kaizer himself. On the 24th of July in 1254, the Germans and Croatians faced the French, Polish, and English forces at the First Battle of Prerov, leading to a very close battle. King Peter IV of England managed to change the fate of the battle with his longbowmen routing the Germany cavalry, allowing the Polish cavalry to break through the German ranks. There would be a few losses. The Poles lost a battle to the Croatians at Brno, and the English and French lost engagements at Leipzig in the same year. A second full engagement happened outside of Stribro on the 3rd of November. The Polish forces used the Mze River to fortify their position, routing the Germans once again. The Polish armies wintered there, while the French and English wintered southward of the city. During this time, the Livonian Knights came to the assistance of the German emperor. They moved through the winter towards Prerov to try and retake the city. The defenders fell, and the Livonians moved into the castle. In February the Polish forces came to the defenses of city of Prerov. initiating the Second Battle of Prerov. They would find themselves suddenly ambushed by a hidden German force, led by the Kaizer, who attacked the outnumbered Poles. However, the French and English troops arrived a week later as the Polish forces held their ground in the castle. With their defense, King Sulistryj managed to push back the Livonians and Germans, forcing them to route, leading to a Polish victory on the 16th of February. A final battle took place outside of Prague as the Polish forces began besieging the city. The allied forces of Germany, Croatia, and Livonia faced off against the Polish, the French, and the English. The Battle of Prague was close, with King Sulistryj II being injured in the battle. However, as he recovered, he learned that the Germans routed, and that the city of Prague surrendered to his forces. The Polish had won. And so, a dragon rises from the ashes of the fox. The Treaty of Prague (July 24th, 1255) led Kaizer George to concede the lands of Bohemia and Messien to King Sulistryj II, and that he would be recognized as the king of those lands. Pope Honorius II came to the city in August to crown King Sulistryj as the Emperor of the Wends. Peace was not long, as the Emperor went to defeat the King of Galicia-Volhynia in the same year and made him swear fealty to his power as King. For his act of uniting the Western Slavic kingdoms, Sulistryj began to be known as “The Wend”, and legends spread of his great victory. This followed him south toward Jerusalem during the 5th crusade as the Polish armies fought the Ayyubids, but ultimately saw defeat in the crusade. In 1272, to consolidate his realm, Emperor Sulistryj subjugated Grandmaster Klukis ‘the Leper’ of the Teutonic Order and forced him to become a vassal. The emperor in his old age. The rest of Emperor Sulistryj’s reign was relatively peaceful. He was known for his pious works and had his chroniclers write “The History of the Wends” to solidify his dynasty’s power over the region. He also built many castles and hosted a grand tournament. The Duke of Frisia did try to kill the Emperor, as he once was the King of Bohemia before it was invaded. However, this was thwarted. His second eldest son, Dobrogost, would die of Smallpox in 1283. However, with the usage of primogeniture law (put into effect by decree of the emperor), succession remained safe. Emperor Sulistryj would die in his sleep on the 10th of September, 1283. He had a long and successful reign, and would forever be immortalized as the Wendish King who reclaimed the ancestral lands of the Poles from the Germans. And so, West-Slavia is born. We end our chapter with a new house. The Renarts saw their last ruler in Otger II, leaving the dynasty in shambles. And though the new House of Glogow was born in the same treachery of the Fox of Renart, it would find itself becoming ferocious and noble through the reign of Emperor Sulistryj! Emperor Sulistryj's rebranded CoA: \"As cunning as a fox, as fearsome as a dragon.\" End of Part 2. The Renart dynasty currently holds many duchies within the HRE, but lost Zaphoriza. It remains it's most powerful in the West-Slavic Empire. |
2024.05.20 07:45 aet012 Caught my husband j3rking off to p0rn. I don’t know how to handle this.
So this just happened and I’m so mad, embarrassed and sick to my stomach. I don’t know what to do. I (31f) was awoken to the sound of my 4 month old crying. I proceeded to get up to make his bottle, but as I walked into the kitchen I noticed my husband (32m) passed out on the recliner in the living room with his phone in his hand. At first I laughed and went in there to try to wake him up and have him go to bed but as I got closer I saw his hand in his boxers. At first I thought surely he wouldn’t but when I unlocked his phone I saw l3sbian p0rn on the screen. I was immediately shocked and piss3d. I tried waking him up but he was out. When he finally did manage to wake up I questioned him about it he asked me ‘what did I expect?’ along with some incoherent words so I knew he was either that exhausted or drunk off his @ss. Now earlier this evening he asked me if I wanted some alone time with him, I declined and said that I was to exhausted from today. My mom and I had spent a majority of the day canning pickles, we had an abundance of cucumbers from both our gardens and she knew that I wouldn’t be able to do it all by myself with 2 kids so she and my dad offered to help. So for 7 hours today my mom and I canned while my dad watched the kids and we did not stop the entire time. Trust me when I say that canning is a laborious hobby and with what we accomplished today probably would have taken me 3 days by myself. My husband on the other hand spent the day at a fundraiser helping cook and bidding on items in the auction. So we were both exhausted by the end of today. After confronting him about it I quickly took care of my son, gave him his bottle and put him back to bed. The entire time I was feeding him I was just sitting in the living room crying, feeling embarrassed all the while my husband is passed out and uncaring about the situation. He knows how I feel about p0rn and I thought that I was satisfying him enough to meet his needs. I’m mostly upset that he would rather please himself to 2 women doing it than please himself to the thought his own wife. I’m just at a loss here.
submitted by aet012 to Advice [link] [comments]
2024.05.20 07:38 Plaguings [GUIDE] Every method I've found to boost performance and keep stable framerates.
![[GUIDE] Every method I've found to boost performance and keep stable framerates.](https://a.thumbs.redditmedia.com/gd02a8miq_TB1qk27dAiPzodU_RnkK9m5BWIdZB7J34.jpg "[GUIDE] Every method I've found to boost performance and keep stable framerates.") | After many, many hours of searching and tweaking I have gotten stable framerates. This is more directed towards people with around a mid tier PC, but should still benefit all. submitted by Plaguings to SPTarkov [link] [comments] 1. Boot.ConfigThis is one that most people already know about but I figured I should include it anyways.Navigate to X:\SPT\EscapeFromTarkov_Data and find the file labled Boot.Config and edit it. If you don't have a text editor Notepad ++ is free but the default windows one should work fine. Delete everything here and copy these lines in. gfx-enable-gfx-jobs=1 gfx-enable-native-gfx-jobs=1 gfx-disable-mt-rendering=1 wait-for-native-debugger=0 vr-enabled=0 hdr-display-enabled=0 gc-max-time-slice=10 job-worker-count= single-instance=Now, once that is copied there is one more step, press Control + Shift + Escape, this will open task manager. Navigate over to the performance tab and click on your CPU. You should now see all of the information for your CPU, all we need from here is the "Logical Processors" take that number and subtract one then add that to this line. job-worker-count= It should then look like this. job-worker-count=15(or whatever your # of threads is as mentioned above) Lastly, be sure to go in game and turn ON 'Only use Physical Cores' in the settings. 2. In game settingsNow that you are in your settings, I'll recommend some.If you have a much better GPU than everything else in your PC, you can actually get a small amount of frames by increasing your settings, this should (in theory at least) take off some of the load on your CPU. Post FX can also be frame killers so try playing without them if you really need the extra FPS, remember though, you can always use reshade for a lower cost re-color. 3. RAM Cleaner and ISLCI'm sure most people know about the RAM Cleaner but what most people don't know about is ISLC(Intelligent Standby List Cleaner)By default your computer will use your RAM and Page File(which I'll talk about later) to cache information that it deems could be useful. I believe Tarkov also uses this feature. The issue is that sometimes this cache can get too large and start taking away from system memory, to fix this you can use ISLC Normally this program isn't doing all that much, but as we all know Tarkov loves to eat RAM so this is one case where I find it to actually be helpful. ISLC reads your Cached memory on an interval and if it meets 2 quota's it will clear that cache. You can download it here After you install and open it you'll be greeted with a screen that looks like this. https://preview.redd.it/fe6xivdoli1d1.png?width=756&format=png&auto=webp&s=6abd5b10e55eef0361a5cada9100a5533497c9ab It can be a bit daunting but there is only 2 settings you need to worry about. They are the two text boxes in the bottom left. If you have 32 GB + of ram you can just copy my settings, this will only clear the cache in extreme situations so it won't happen often but should help with memory leak. If you have any thing less I recommend setting both of the boxes to half of your ram. So for 16GB it would be - List size is at least : 8000 Free memory is lower than : 8000 Then you can set it to start on windows startup, but I only recommend this if you have 32 GB with settings similar to mine, as windows(for me) hovers at around 8 GB cache for general use, and having that be cleared when not gaming can make some apps slower. Otherwise, just click the start button when ready to play, or alternatively you can set both of the boxes super low, so that they would always clear you cache, but only activate the program when you need it cleared. WARNING* If your values are set to low and ISLC is constantly cleaning you WILL experience stutters. Both windows and Tarkov are going to be constantly writing to your standby list/cache to meet their base needs, so cleaning that before you need to can cause performance problems. 4. Page FileA page file is essentially backup RAM that is obtained from your storage, this is already enabled by default but the size is too small to have any real performance gains.
5. Lossless ScalingThis is by far the biggest bump in "performance" I've had. The reason I put it like that is because Lossless Scaling allows you to use Frame Generation. Meaning it quite literally just doubles your framerate.There are a couple downsides, one of which being that Lossless Scaling isn't free. Its $8 on Steam, but worth it all. Worst case scenario, you try it and don't like it and are able to refund it with less than 2 hours of use. If you decide you want to try this then follow along. https://preview.redd.it/h2afgdopoi1d1.png?width=871&format=png&auto=webp&s=935e619b031e590b17ce90483f8186b1fa8eedf3 It should look like this on launch, for most people you'll probably only need Frame Gen, but incase you're interested it also allows upscaling, but I won't be touching on that because I don't think its helpful for most people. Firstly go to the Rendering Tab and copy these settings. https://preview.redd.it/kqoqdzh0pi1d1.png?width=210&format=png&auto=webp&s=aa6b009ca1a24f4c331b5394c34d76d768f437dc Allow tearing set to on will massively boost responsiveness making the latency added almost non existent. Draw FPS will show you what FPS you are actually getting, in game counter won't show generated frames. I don't use either of the other 2 options so use at your own discretion Then go to the Capture Tag and set capture API to DXGI That should be all for the settings. Next go in game and set your game to windowed fullscreen(yes you have to do this, Lossless Scaling isn't compatible with Exclusive Fullscreen) If you plan on messing with upscaling I'll save you some trouble, it requires you to be on windowed mode(not windowed fullscreen) Now all you have to do is make sure you game window is selected and press Control + ALT + S you're screen might flash black but you should then see the game and have a grey FPS counter in the top left. Next is probably the most important step, CAP YOUR FPS TO HALF OF YOUR REFRESH RATE.(Don't if you only have 60hz) Frame gen requires stability so if you can't hit half your refresh rate at least most of the time then lower your cap further. I don't recommend capping it any lower than 45 as it'll have more latency and ghosting the lower you go. This is all for this part. If you have any questions or more info on any settings that I didn't explain properly feel free to comment. CREDIT For finding the Boot.Config settings(afaik) https://www.reddit.com/SPTarkov/comments/166dkxk/boost_framerate_with_command_line_in_bootconfig/ |
2024.05.20 07:30 HazySorm Kinda scared of my martial arts coach.
Sorry I know it's long.
So I (19 F) started doing martial arts almost a year ago. I moved for school and didn't know anyone and needed to get out of my house and there was a dojo only a few minutes away. It seemed like a good idea. I really enjoyed it, I never worked out or anything before and was very overweight so it was also incredibly difficult. I started being happier and actually made some friends there. Now to the point. Being the only female in the BJJ class was another challenge. All of these guys were bigger, stronger, more fit, and more experienced in this fighting style. I knew the coach (36-38 M) offered private lessons that lasted for between thirty minutes to an hour for like $30, so I asked for extra rolls.
If you know even the basics you know BJJ involves a lot of touching and grabbing. I thought his hand placement was weird but I thought I was being dramatic or making something out of nothing so I pushed it to the back of my mind. I didnt pay much attention even though it made me uncomfortable when he grabbed my behind, my upper thighs, my chest, or any other remotely private area. I thought it was normal because I was very new to the sport.
He recently messaged me and had me come to the gym it was a little after regular classes had ended so I thought I forgot something there because it's happened before. When I walked in it was dark, the lights were off, I thought it was weird and had the feeling I should have recorded but I ignored the feeling and didn't which was stupid in hindsight.
I flipped on the gym lights and he was there he asked me to go to the back it's another part that has the striking equipment bags, gloves, ect.. As soon as we got there he flipped the lights back off and my heart spread up and my stomach was in knots. I was panicking, silently of course, because I know this guy is a pro, and could very easily overpower me if he wanted to.
At that point I had pieced things together but I played dumb. He asked if I knew why he called me, I certainly did then, but I said no. He said, "I'm physically attracted to you. I've enjoyed rolling with you when we do it. Let me partake in you." (Yes he used the word "partake") He said this in a very intimidating voice while stepping closer and I immediately began looking for an exit but the only way out was the way I came in. I said, no, and thankfully he took it but he wasn't happy about it. As I tried to leave he stopped me and grabbed my hand and squeezed hard and said, "I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable coming back here. Have a good night."
I walked to my car and started crying, it was like a wave of releif washed over my body. I know something ten times worse could have easily happened. The next day he put in the gym group chat the he was having a ceremony for his wife, who happens to be his highschool sweetheart, and wants to thank her for everything she's does for the gym. Last week he had the ceremony, gave her flowers, kissed her, and gave a speech about how much he loves and appreciates her and his three daughters. All of this in front of the over twenty people there that day.
I've become more aware of every single movement this man makes. When I went to the striking class the next day, during drills he touched my back, waist, and hair. It made my skin crawl. His wife and children were at the dojo that day, it scares me how bold he is. How is he comfortable doing that when they could easily see him?
I know his wife. I've had several conversations with her. I've helped her with remodeling a studio. I've played with his children. She and his kids adore him. I can't understand why he would throw all of that away. I can't tell his wife because I don't think she'd beleive me and if she did I'd be tearing apart a family. I know and he knows I can't say anything to anyone else because he's a "good Christian man" and always praises and brags on his family and talks about God and Jesus and has known all of these people for years before I came into the picture. To them I'm a newer friend who isn't religious. They'll take his word over mine any day.
He's acting like nothing happened at all. I think he's trying to make me think I'm crazy and to be honest it's working. I've questioned if it actually happened, if anything happened, the only reason I'm sure is because I called my therapist that night damn near having a panic attack. I've thought about switching then change my mind because it's not that bad right? I told my friend that and she knocked me in the head and said I was switching whether I liked it or not and that she would start going with me.
He still keeps messaging me asking me what I'm doing, if I'm coming, if I want private lessons. It scares me because he knows where I work and go to school. He thankfully doesn't know where I live. I just know if he had really wanted to that night he could have easily had his way with me. He still could if I'm not careful. I have a few months until my contract with that gym is up, then I'm going to switch. The next closest one is an hour away, but I guess that's the cost of being a woman....
I'm just mad, and a little sad. I thought this guy was my friend, and now I'm going to lose all of the friends I've made at the dojo so far. I finally found something I enjoy doing with people that i like being around. Now I have to leave and try to get to know new people again. I'm terrible with socializing so this was hard, and I'm going to have to do it all over again.
I just wonder how long he was looking at me like nothing more than a piece of ass. At the same time that thought makes me nauseous. How many times has he done this? Is this the only time? Does he do this to every barely legal aged girl that walks into his gym? Is this why there are only three female members? Does his wife know she married an unfaithful piece of shit? So many questions, and no way to get answers.
I've thought about quitting martial arts all together, wondering if the hour drive every single day is actually worth it when I move gyms. Every time I think about it I feel awful though. I know I can't quite or I'll spiral....I hate this and I'm tired of this...I want to tell my family but I can't. My mother and aunt would cause even more problems for me and I think my great-grandmother would worry herself to death. The only people who know are my four friends outside the gym, my therapist, and now whoever decides this is worth it to read.
submitted by HazySorm to offmychest [link] [comments]
So I (19 F) started doing martial arts almost a year ago. I moved for school and didn't know anyone and needed to get out of my house and there was a dojo only a few minutes away. It seemed like a good idea. I really enjoyed it, I never worked out or anything before and was very overweight so it was also incredibly difficult. I started being happier and actually made some friends there. Now to the point. Being the only female in the BJJ class was another challenge. All of these guys were bigger, stronger, more fit, and more experienced in this fighting style. I knew the coach (36-38 M) offered private lessons that lasted for between thirty minutes to an hour for like $30, so I asked for extra rolls.
If you know even the basics you know BJJ involves a lot of touching and grabbing. I thought his hand placement was weird but I thought I was being dramatic or making something out of nothing so I pushed it to the back of my mind. I didnt pay much attention even though it made me uncomfortable when he grabbed my behind, my upper thighs, my chest, or any other remotely private area. I thought it was normal because I was very new to the sport.
He recently messaged me and had me come to the gym it was a little after regular classes had ended so I thought I forgot something there because it's happened before. When I walked in it was dark, the lights were off, I thought it was weird and had the feeling I should have recorded but I ignored the feeling and didn't which was stupid in hindsight.
I flipped on the gym lights and he was there he asked me to go to the back it's another part that has the striking equipment bags, gloves, ect.. As soon as we got there he flipped the lights back off and my heart spread up and my stomach was in knots. I was panicking, silently of course, because I know this guy is a pro, and could very easily overpower me if he wanted to.
At that point I had pieced things together but I played dumb. He asked if I knew why he called me, I certainly did then, but I said no. He said, "I'm physically attracted to you. I've enjoyed rolling with you when we do it. Let me partake in you." (Yes he used the word "partake") He said this in a very intimidating voice while stepping closer and I immediately began looking for an exit but the only way out was the way I came in. I said, no, and thankfully he took it but he wasn't happy about it. As I tried to leave he stopped me and grabbed my hand and squeezed hard and said, "I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable coming back here. Have a good night."
I walked to my car and started crying, it was like a wave of releif washed over my body. I know something ten times worse could have easily happened. The next day he put in the gym group chat the he was having a ceremony for his wife, who happens to be his highschool sweetheart, and wants to thank her for everything she's does for the gym. Last week he had the ceremony, gave her flowers, kissed her, and gave a speech about how much he loves and appreciates her and his three daughters. All of this in front of the over twenty people there that day.
I've become more aware of every single movement this man makes. When I went to the striking class the next day, during drills he touched my back, waist, and hair. It made my skin crawl. His wife and children were at the dojo that day, it scares me how bold he is. How is he comfortable doing that when they could easily see him?
I know his wife. I've had several conversations with her. I've helped her with remodeling a studio. I've played with his children. She and his kids adore him. I can't understand why he would throw all of that away. I can't tell his wife because I don't think she'd beleive me and if she did I'd be tearing apart a family. I know and he knows I can't say anything to anyone else because he's a "good Christian man" and always praises and brags on his family and talks about God and Jesus and has known all of these people for years before I came into the picture. To them I'm a newer friend who isn't religious. They'll take his word over mine any day.
He's acting like nothing happened at all. I think he's trying to make me think I'm crazy and to be honest it's working. I've questioned if it actually happened, if anything happened, the only reason I'm sure is because I called my therapist that night damn near having a panic attack. I've thought about switching then change my mind because it's not that bad right? I told my friend that and she knocked me in the head and said I was switching whether I liked it or not and that she would start going with me.
He still keeps messaging me asking me what I'm doing, if I'm coming, if I want private lessons. It scares me because he knows where I work and go to school. He thankfully doesn't know where I live. I just know if he had really wanted to that night he could have easily had his way with me. He still could if I'm not careful. I have a few months until my contract with that gym is up, then I'm going to switch. The next closest one is an hour away, but I guess that's the cost of being a woman....
I'm just mad, and a little sad. I thought this guy was my friend, and now I'm going to lose all of the friends I've made at the dojo so far. I finally found something I enjoy doing with people that i like being around. Now I have to leave and try to get to know new people again. I'm terrible with socializing so this was hard, and I'm going to have to do it all over again.
I just wonder how long he was looking at me like nothing more than a piece of ass. At the same time that thought makes me nauseous. How many times has he done this? Is this the only time? Does he do this to every barely legal aged girl that walks into his gym? Is this why there are only three female members? Does his wife know she married an unfaithful piece of shit? So many questions, and no way to get answers.
I've thought about quitting martial arts all together, wondering if the hour drive every single day is actually worth it when I move gyms. Every time I think about it I feel awful though. I know I can't quite or I'll spiral....I hate this and I'm tired of this...I want to tell my family but I can't. My mother and aunt would cause even more problems for me and I think my great-grandmother would worry herself to death. The only people who know are my four friends outside the gym, my therapist, and now whoever decides this is worth it to read.
2024.05.20 07:20 Contactunderground Contact Network History Project: Were “psychotronic” attacks against contact activists in the 1990s a precursor of the “Havana Syndrome”? Directed Energy Weapons not only affect the human body but might be targeting human consciousness itself at the level of what is called the astral body.”
 | Contact Network History Project: Were “psychotronic” attacks against contact activists in the 1990s a precursor of the “Havana Syndrome”? Directed Energy Weapons not only affect the human body but might be targeting human consciousness itself at the level of what is called the astral body.” submitted by Contactunderground to HighStrangeness [link] [comments] Joseph Burkes MD 2024 The high desert outside of Roswell is where contact activist Shari Adamiak was reportedly attacked. Introduction In my judgment, flying saucers threaten all terrestrial elites, but not necessarily the planet’s people. Given what is a perceived threat to the status quo, both corporate and Executive Branch Intelligence operatives have historically been compelled to deal with UFOs as a non-human intelligence counterintelligence challenge. As a Working Group Coordinator in the 1990s for the Close Encounters of the Fifth Kind Initiative, I observed signs of obvious surveillance of our contact efforts. Young men in civilian clothing with a military bearing were frequently present at our research sites. Team members were blatantly photographed on arrival at a fieldwork location. On one occasion, military helicopters and on another F-14s buzzed us during our investigations. Contact activists who are staging Human Initiated Contact Events (HICE) aka CE5, might in some ways be ideal targets to try out what are now called Directed Energy Weapons. This is because we already are under surveillance and the effects of such non-lethal technology can be readily monitored via telephone conversations and email. Importantly, as the result of a de facto policy of ridicule and denial, most people imagine that those attempting to contact aliens” are probably mentally ill. Once targeted and attacked, contact activists would find little sympathy from the larger society, including police and medical authorities, if they dared to complain about such attacks. Thus, the technology can be developed with little interference. “The Havana Syndrome” During the past few years, current and former US government employees have reported being targeted by are called “Directed Energy Weapons.” The failure of US Executive Branch to identify the precise source of these alleged attacks and to adequately deal with the long-term health consequences of them, has led to charges of a coverup. The victims describe experiencing a wide range of symptoms: headaches, dizziness, blurred vision and memory loss and insomnia. Shari Adamiak, a Prominent Leader in our Human Initiated Contact Network Shari Adamiak was a Working Group Coordinator in the CE-5 Initiative from 1991 until her death in 1998. She played an immeasurable role in the formulation of the CSETI Contact Protocols and the development of contact teams that operated primarily in the Western United States during the 1990s. Several times Shari also accompanied the CSETI Director Dr. Greer to Southern England to investigate the relationship between UFOs and Crop Circle phenomena. Directed Energy Weapon Attack in the United Kingdom As a fellow contact team leader, I always paid close attention to what she shared with me about her work. If memory serves me correctly, after returning from the UK in 1994(although it might have been 1993) I heard a very disturbing account from her. While in Southern England, Shari and two other crop circle investigators were sitting at an outdoor café. A commercial van of some sort pulled up and parked about twenty yards away. Suddenly all three women developed the following symptoms, vertigo, nausea, light headedness, muscle ache and headache. According to Shari all were feeling perfectly fine before the onset of the symptoms which lasted perhaps ten or fifteen minutes and then gradually resolved. Shari stated the van then drove away. “Psychotronic” Weaponry Appears to Target Human Consciousness In 1994 both Steven Greer MD and Shari Adamiak reported to our network that they had been targeted with what Greer called “psychotronic” weaponry. (In Shari’s report posted below she used the term “psychoelectronic.” In his oral history book “Hidden Truth Forbidden Knowledge,” the CSETI leader described a series of attacks starting in the fall of 1994. One reportedly occurred in New York City after a meeting with a member of a European royal family. “After falling fast asleep, I awakened hours later. I couldn't raise my arms; I couldn't roll over; I couldn't move! I was in a state of complete physical paralysis. I knew what was going on; a directional electromagnetic weapons system hit me. It was coming through the window above my bed. Projected into the room was the single most extreme sense of evil and terror I've ever felt in my life. I could tell they were attempting to extract my astral body out of my physical body.” This appears to be different from what Shari described above in the UK attack but is similar to what she stated happened to her in New Mexico in October 1994 during a UFO investigation. I have posted a portion of her official CSETI report on that mission below as part of my Contact Network History Project. Readers please note that "CTS" is the abbreviation for "Coherent Thought Sequencing. This is the term Steven Greer MD coined for group meditation involving either thought projection to, and /or remote viewing of "extraterrestrial spacecraft", combined with the group's intention to interact peacefully with the non-human intelligences piloting those craft. REPORT OF THE RAPID MOBILIZATION INVESTIGATIVE TEAM MISSION TO THE STATE OF NEW MEXICO, U.S.A. OCTOBER 1- 7. 1994 ~INTRODUCTION~ A small Rapid Mobilization Investigative Team (RMIT) of three CSETI members met in Albuquerque, New Mexico to investigate activities in the state, and to take a reconnaissance trip to the Roswell area. Members of the team for this mission included: Steven M. Greer, M.D., international director of SETI; Shari Adamiak, CSETI executive council, coordinator for the RMIT, the working groups, and the Denver, Colorado group; and Patrick Sullivan, a CSETI member from Pagosa Springs, Colorado. The starting date of the mission followed immediately after Steven Greer's appearance on the Larry King Live special the previous night near Area 57, Rachel, Nevada. We traveled to the Roswell area after joining up on October 2nd. Here we spent time in prayer and thought to help heal the area and the energy from the crashes of space craft in New Mexico in the late 1940s and 1950s. Our trip was primarily of an investigative nature. Besides wanting to do research around Roswell, we were also following up on activity reported in Midway, outside Roswell. We also wanted to investigate the White Sands area, as it had been the site of extreme activity in the past and is also an area that Dr. Greer feels may be the site of a future, cooperative landing and meeting between extraterrestrial intelligent beings and representatives from this planet, including government, military and civilian (a small CSETI team). The report that follows is real-time dictation and field notes from this mission. Respectfully submitted, Shari Adamiak CSETI Executive Council RAPID MOBILIZATION INVESTIGATIVE TEAM MISSION TO NEW MEXICO - OCTOBER 2- 7, 1994 Real-time dictation from the field each night follows: ~October 2, 1994:~ We are outside of Roswell, New Mexico on our first night of a RMIT. Present are Steven Greer, Patrick Sullivan, and Shari Adamiak. We have just camped out on a road of a county road between Midway and Dexter. We have seen one anomalous object flying in the East, very low to the horizon headed towards the North. Did not appear to have any strobing lights. When Steven signaled to it, the object rose up a little bit and became noticeably brighter, changing from red to white. Also, as that was occurring, I saw a shooting star at about 25° above the Eastern horizon headed North. 10:50pm and two shooting stars just seen in the zenith by Patrick and Steven. Patrick just reported a very brilliant shooting star, shooting from East to West by the Milky Way. It's about 11:00. Patrick said it was the fastest "shooting star" he's ever seen. Just a moment later a second shooting star was seen by Patrick almost parallel to the other. It's just a minute or so after 11:00 and we have just been observing in the SE a very unusual strobing object visible only through the night vision scope, moving very low to the horizon with a rapid strobe to it. We can't see it with the naked eye. At 11:40pm we had an experience during Coherent Thought Sequencing (CTS) where Steven and I both felt there was something directly over us and at the same time Patrick reported seeing a strobing above us. Steven then felt they were directly behind his head. The hair on the back of his neck stood up. He got up and on the very low Northern horizon was able to see the red-amber colored light. It's about midnight. We're having an unusual sighting over in the East. We've been watching an object that moved South and then became stationary. Now it looks as if it could be a planet rising. It has a red-amber look to it or the object could be just totally stationary. We did signal to it. It seemed to flare up. It's about 5° above the horizon, directly across from us in the East. This object that we were looking at appeared to have positioned itself in front of either Regel or Betelgeuse in Orion, which that was a part of and is now fully risen and is beautiful in the Eastern sky. ~October 3, 1994:~ We are out at a site East of Roswell. It's just a minute or two before 7:00pm. We're getting something to east. It’s partly cloudy. It’s in the 70s. It looks like it will be fairly clear for most of the night. West. We are directly across from the mountain Capital to the West. To our East there is a vent for a gas well that's burning. It's 7:50 and in the East towards Midway we are observing some twinkling, strobing type lights. There are two or three of them. They seem to be like the lights described that Mr. Escamillo has on video from Midway. About a minute later, we don't see them at all. Oh, I just saw one flash farther to the East. We are not sure if these could be aircraft or something anomalous. They are dim to bright and white. These white blinking objects have continued on to the East, traveling in the South part of the sky. They are continuing to do strobing and flashing but in no regular pattern. They appear to be chasing each other randomly across the sky, rather slowly. It's 10:15pm and there is one single white bright light appearing in the South that is signaling back to us. It is very low on the horizon, maybe even on the ground. The object just signaled back twice after a signal sent to it of two flashes. It is in the area of Bottomless Lakes State Park, which is due South of us. It's about 5 or 10 minutes later and this light in the South is again signaling. It's moved just a bit. It moves a bit to the East or the West, but it's still completely low, right on the horizon. We don't know if it's terrestrial or extraterrestrial at this point. It is 10:35 when this signaling has reoccurred again. Steven is now looking at it through the night vision binoculars and he says it is a continuously illuminated object that's on right now, even when it is not signaling to us. It just now flashed again faintly. We will continue to signal to this and report. The sky has also become completely clear except for around the very far edges and just in the East. Through the night vision scope, Patrick is seeing that there is also a corresponding strobing light in the sky about 10° above the horizon that's in synch with the one that's here on the ground. But we cannot see the one in the sky without using the night vision scope. It's 11:00 and the light across the road in the South by the Bottomless Lakes has just illuminated itself about 5 or 6 times to us. It definitely seems to be under intelligent control. The last round of signaling that's going on now started up just after we broadcast the tones out over the walkie-talkie. It's just a few minutes after 11:00 and Steven saw an extremely fast moving "meteorite" just to the East of zenith. He said it was faster than anything he's ever seen move. Also, it happened to Patrick last night - that same type of extremely fast moving object. It's 11:55 and we were just hit from behind to our East by some beam that was low and on the ground that swept right across the field encompassing us. NOTE THAT JUST AS I WAS TRANSCRIBING THIS, I LEARNED THAT THE TAPE IS BLANK FROM THIS POINT ON FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT. VERY INTERESTING IN THAT THE EVENT THAT FOLLOWED WAS VERY UNUSUAL. WHAT FOLLOWS IS MY NARRATIVE REPORT BASED ON RECOLLECTION SINCE THE TAPE HAS BEEN COMPROMISED. THE BLANK SPOT LASTS FOR THE REMAINDER OF THIS NIGHT'S DICTATION, THEN PICKS UP AGAIN ON THE FOLLOWING NIGHT'S FIELD DICTATION. I BELIEVE THIS BLANK SPACE IN THE TAPE IS DIRECTLY RELATED TO THE PSYCHOELECTRONIC ATTACK. Narrative Report: Soon after this round of light signaling, we did a Coherent Thought Sequencing. I was in a deep state of unbounded mind when I felt my body struck by an invisible beam of negative energy. It caused nearly total paralysis except that my body was wracked with small convulsions from what I sensed to be a psychoelectronic, non-lethal weapon. I could hear myself moaning slowly. I felt that the beam was coming from my left, towards Bottomless Lakes. I sensed three shadowy figures that appeared to be human men. The beam had the effect of separating me from my teammates. Since I only had the faculty of mind at my disposal during the attack, I mentally asked where Patrick and Steven were. I finally could sense Patrick out I front of me, distance away. I could not see or sense Steven. I kept asking mentally, “Where is Steven?” in as authoritative tone as I could manage while under attack. Receiving no response, I began to mentally call to Steven. He must have mentally picked up my thoughts because I felt him take my hands even though he was not there physically. He then hugged me and the attack ended. I sensed that it was our combined energy that was able to break the beam. I then rather passed out for a few minutes. When our CTS ended, I clearly recalled everything that happened and knew I had not dozed off and had a dream. It was ultimately real. I was still a bit weak from the attack. Steven asked if something happened. I said, "you won't believe this" and proceeded to tell Steven and Patrick most of what occurred. Patrick had been unaware of any of this during our CTS. When I finished, Steven said, "wait until you hear this". During the CTS, he heard a voice that said, "are you ready to go?" He then felt that the energy was instantly scrambled and he lost the connection. He could hear me faintly moaning and sensed that I was in distress. He then came to me etherically and hugged me. The dove tailing of our experiences was incredible. For some days, I pondered on this event. It had a profound effect upon me, and still does to this day. I knew it was highly significant that we were able to break the attack with combined positive energy. I also instinctively and absolutely felt that the attack had come from human beings. I knew that it was not sent by extraterrestrials. The beam carried with it fear and terror which I knew were being projected upon me by an outside force. I did not feel that fear and terror from within my own being, but I was forced to experience it. We then saw the ground-based lights at Bottomless Lakes flashing randomly again. It was nearly 1:00 by now and we decided to pack up. And drive over there to investigate. As we were in a flat open area, and anyone at Bottomless could have seen us coming for literally a mile. We drove around the Bottomless Lakes State Park, shining our 1.5 million candle power light all about. No traces of anyone or any vehicles were seen. There is a county road that cuts out of Bottomless Lakes which could make for an easy get-away for any one in that park. End of Narrative Report Links to articles supportive of themes outlined in the above report: If flying saucer intelligences threaten all terrestrial elites, but not necessarily the Earth’s people, then it is understandable that governmental response to UFOs is a counterintelligence one. https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/dueling-paradigms-perhaps-a-counterintelligence-model-is-better-than-a-scientific-one-to-study-ufos/ “Science, Counterintelligence & UFOs” Researcher Val Germann wrote this important multi-part article in 1997. He has given me permission to repost his work on my blog site. https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/09/04/science-counterintelligence-and-ufos/ Staging Human Initiated Contact Events adjacent to a high security research lab involved challenges of surveillance for my team. https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/05/19/did-a-fateful-phone-call-trigger-the-appearance-of-blackhawk-helicopters-during-contact-work/ During fieldwork in the high desert, my contact team was blatantly photographed on two separate occasions. We had UFO sightings first in the west, then in the north. We anticipated the next would be in the east. Instead three waves of jet fighters heading east buzzed us. https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/07/11/and-then-the-sky-exploded-incident-at-joshua-tree-january-1996/ |
2024.05.20 07:15 Contactunderground Contact Network History Project: Were “psychotronic” attacks against contact activists in the 1990s a precursor of the “Havana Syndrome”? Directed Energy Weapons not only affect the human body but might be targeting human consciousness itself at the level of what is called the astral body.”
| | Contact Network History Project: submitted by Contactunderground to ContactUnderground [link] [comments] Joseph Burkes MD 2024 The high desert near Roswell was where contact activist Shari Adamiak was reportedly attacked Introduction In my judgment, flying saucers threaten all terrestrial elites, but not necessarily the planet’s people. Given what is a perceived threat to the status quo, both corporate and Executive Branch Intelligence operatives have historically been compelled to deal with UFOs as a non-human intelligence counterintelligence challenge. As a Working Group Coordinator in the 1990s for the Close Encounters of the Fifth Kind Initiative, I observed signs of obvious surveillance of our contact efforts. Young men in civilian clothing with a military bearing were frequently present at our research sites. Team members were blatantly photographed on arrival at a fieldwork location. On one occasion, military helicopters and on another F-14s buzzed us during our investigations. Contact activists who are staging Human Initiated Contact Events (HICE) aka CE5, might in some ways be ideal targets to try out what are now called Directed Energy Weapons. This is because we already are under surveillance and the effects of such non-lethal technology can be readily monitored via telephone conversations and email. Importantly, as the result of a de facto policy of ridicule and denial, most people imagine that those attempting to contact aliens” are probably mentally ill. Once targeted and attacked, contact activists would find little sympathy from the larger society, including police and medical authorities, if they dared to complain about such attacks. Thus, the technology can be developed with little interference. “The Havana Syndrome” During the past few years, current and former US government employees have reported being targeted by are called “Directed Energy Weapons.” The failure of US Executive Branch to identify the precise source of these alleged attacks and to adequately deal with the long-term health consequences of them, has led to charges of a coverup. The victims describe experiencing a wide range of symptoms: headaches, dizziness, blurred vision and memory loss and insomnia. Shari Adamiak, a Prominent Leader in our Human Initiated Contact Network Shari Adamiak was a Working Group Coordinator in the CE-5 Initiative from 1991 until her death in 1998. She played an immeasurable role in the formulation of the CSETI Contact Protocols and the development of contact teams that operated primarily in the Western United States during the 1990s. Several times Shari also accompanied the CSETI Director Dr. Greer to Southern England to investigate the relationship between UFOs and Crop Circle phenomena. Directed Energy Weapon Attack in the United Kingdom As a fellow contact team leader, I always paid close attention to what she shared with me about her work. If memory serves me correctly, after returning from the UK in 1994(although it might have been 1993) I heard a very disturbing account from her. While in Southern England, Shari and two other crop circle investigators were sitting at an outdoor café. A commercial van of some sort pulled up and parked about twenty yards away. Suddenly all three women developed the following symptoms, vertigo, nausea, light headedness, muscle ache and headache. According to Shari all were feeling perfectly fine before the onset of the symptoms which lasted perhaps ten or fifteen minutes and then gradually resolved. Shari stated the van then drove away. “Psychotronic” Weaponry Appears to Target Human Consciousness In 1994 both Steven Greer MD and Shari Adamiak reported to our network that they had been targeted with what Greer called “psychotronic” weaponry. (In Shari’s report posted below she used the term “psychoelectronic.” In his oral history book “Hidden Truth Forbidden Knowledge,” the CSETI leader described a series of attacks starting in the fall of 1994. One reportedly occurred in New York City after a meeting with a member of a European royal family. “After falling fast asleep, I awakened hours later. I couldn't raise my arms; I couldn't roll over; I couldn't move! I was in a state of complete physical paralysis. I knew what was going on; a directional electromagnetic weapons system hit me. It was coming through the window above my bed. Projected into the room was the single most extreme sense of evil and terror I've ever felt in my life. I could tell they were attempting to extract my astral body out of my physical body.” This appears to be different from what Shari described above in the UK attack but is similar to what she stated happened to her in New Mexico in October 1994 during a UFO investigation. I have posted a portion of her official CSETI report on that mission below as part of my Contact Network History Project. Readers please note that "CTS" is the abbreviation for "Coherent Thought Sequencing. This is the term Steven Greer MD coined for group meditation involving either thought projection to, and /or remote viewing of "extraterrestrial spacecraft", combined with the group's intention to interact peacefully with the non-human intelligences piloting those craft. Shari was one of the principal organizers of the CE-5 Initiative. She is greatly missed. REPORT OF THE RAPID MOBILIZATION INVESTIGATIVE TEAM MISSION TO THE STATE OF NEW MEXICO, U.S.A. OCTOBER 1- 7. 1994 ~INTRODUCTION~ A small Rapid Mobilization Investigative Team (RMIT) of three CSETI members met in Albuquerque, New Mexico to investigate activities in the state, and to take a reconnaissance trip to the Roswell area. Members of the team for this mission included: Steven M. Greer, M.D., international director of SETI; Shari Adamiak, CSETI executive council, coordinator for the RMIT, the working groups, and the Denver, Colorado group; and Patrick Sullivan, a CSETI member from Pagosa Springs, Colorado. The starting date of the mission followed immediately after Steven Greer's appearance on the Larry King Live special the previous night near Area 57, Rachel, Nevada. We traveled to the Roswell area after joining up on October 2nd. Here we spent time in prayer and thought to help heal the area and the energy from the crashes of space craft in New Mexico in the late 1940s and 1950s. Our trip was primarily of an investigative nature. Besides wanting to do research around Roswell, we were also following up on activity reported in Midway, outside Roswell. We also wanted to investigate the White Sands area, as it had been the site of extreme activity in the past and is also an area that Dr. Greer feels may be the site of a future, cooperative landing and meeting between extraterrestrial intelligent beings and representatives from this planet, including government, military and civilian (a small CSETI team). The report that follows is real-time dictation and field notes from this mission. Respectfully submitted, Shari Adamiak CSETI Executive Council RAPID MOBILIZATION INVESTIGATIVE TEAM MISSION TO NEW MEXICO - OCTOBER 2- 7, 1994 Real-time dictation from the field each night follows: ~October 2, 1994:~ We are outside of Roswell, New Mexico on our first night of a RMIT. Present are Steven Greer, Patrick Sullivan, and Shari Adamiak. We have just camped out on a road of a county road between Midway and Dexter. We have seen one anomalous object flying in the East, very low to the horizon headed towards the North. Did not appear to have any strobing lights. When Steven signaled to it, the object rose up a little bit and became noticeably brighter, changing from red to white. Also, as that was occurring, I saw a shooting star at about 25° above the Eastern horizon headed North. 10:50pm and two shooting stars just seen in the zenith by Patrick and Steven. Patrick just reported a very brilliant shooting star, shooting from East to West by the Milky Way. It's about 11:00. Patrick said it was the fastest "shooting star" he's ever seen. Just a moment later a second shooting star was seen by Patrick almost parallel to the other. It's just a minute or so after 11:00 and we have just been observing in the SE a very unusual strobing object visible only through the night vision scope, moving very low to the horizon with a rapid strobe to it. We can't see it with the naked eye. At 11:40pm we had an experience during Coherent Thought Sequencing (CTS) where Steven and I both felt there was something directly over us and at the same time Patrick reported seeing a strobing above us. Steven then felt they were directly behind his head. The hair on the back of his neck stood up. He got up and on the very low Northern horizon was able to see the red-amber colored light. It's about midnight. We're having an unusual sighting over in the East. We've been watching an object that moved South and then became stationary. Now it looks as if it could be a planet rising. It has a red-amber look to it or the object could be just totally stationary. We did signal to it. It seemed to flare up. It's about 5° above the horizon, directly across from us in the East. This object that we were looking at appeared to have positioned itself in front of either Regel or Betelgeuse in Orion, which that was a part of and is now fully risen and is beautiful in the Eastern sky. ~October 3, 1994:~ We are out at a site East of Roswell. It's just a minute or two before 7:00pm. We're getting something to east. It’s partly cloudy. It’s in the 70s. It looks like it will be fairly clear for most of the night. West. We are directly across from the mountain Capital to the West. To our East there is a vent for a gas well that's burning. It's 7:50 and in the East towards Midway we are observing some twinkling, strobing type lights. There are two or three of them. They seem to be like the lights described that Mr. Escamillo has on video from Midway. About a minute later, we don't see them at all. Oh, I just saw one flash farther to the East. We are not sure if these could be aircraft or something anomalous. They are dim to bright and white. These white blinking objects have continued on to the East, traveling in the South part of the sky. They are continuing to do strobing and flashing but in no regular pattern. They appear to be chasing each other randomly across the sky, rather slowly. It's 10:15pm and there is one single white bright light appearing in the South that is signaling back to us. It is very low on the horizon, maybe even on the ground. The object just signaled back twice after a signal sent to it of two flashes. It is in the area of Bottomless Lakes State Park, which is due South of us. It's about 5 or 10 minutes later and this light in the South is again signaling. It's moved just a bit. It moves a bit to the East or the West, but it's still completely low, right on the horizon. We don't know if it's terrestrial or extraterrestrial at this point. It is 10:35 when this signaling has reoccurred again. Steven is now looking at it through the night vision binoculars and he says it is a continuously illuminated object that's on right now, even when it is not signaling to us. It just now flashed again faintly. We will continue to signal to this and report. The sky has also become completely clear except for around the very far edges and just in the East. Through the night vision scope, Patrick is seeing that there is also a corresponding strobing light in the sky about 10° above the horizon that's in synch with the one that's here on the ground. But we cannot see the one in the sky without using the night vision scope. It's 11:00 and the light across the road in the South by the Bottomless Lakes has just illuminated itself about 5 or 6 times to us. It definitely seems to be under intelligent control. The last round of signaling that's going on now started up just after we broadcast the tones out over the walkie-talkie. It's just a few minutes after 11:00 and Steven saw an extremely fast moving "meteorite" just to the East of zenith. He said it was faster than anything he's ever seen move. Also, it happened to Patrick last night - that same type of extremely fast moving object. It's 11:55 and we were just hit from behind to our East by some beam that was low and on the ground that swept right across the field encompassing us. NOTE THAT JUST AS I WAS TRANSCRIBING THIS, I LEARNED THAT THE TAPE IS BLANK FROM THIS POINT ON FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT. VERY INTERESTING IN THAT THE EVENT THAT FOLLOWED WAS VERY UNUSUAL. WHAT FOLLOWS IS MY NARRATIVE REPORT BASED ON RECOLLECTION SINCE THE TAPE HAS BEEN COMPROMISED. THE BLANK SPOT LASTS FOR THE REMAINDER OF THIS NIGHT'S DICTATION, THEN PICKS UP AGAIN ON THE FOLLOWING NIGHT'S FIELD DICTATION. I BELIEVE THIS BLANK SPACE IN THE TAPE IS DIRECTLY RELATED TO THE PSYCHOELECTRONIC ATTACK. Narrative Report: Soon after this round of light signaling, we did a Coherent Thought Sequencing. I was in a deep state of unbounded mind when I felt my body struck by an invisible beam of negative energy. It caused nearly total paralysis except that my body was wracked with small convulsions from what I sensed to be a psychoelectronic, non-lethal weapon. I could hear myself moaning slowly. I felt that the beam was coming from my left, towards Bottomless Lakes. I sensed three shadowy figures that appeared to be human men. The beam had the effect of separating me from my teammates. Since I only had the faculty of mind at my disposal during the attack, I mentally asked where Patrick and Steven were. I finally could sense Patrick out I front of me, distance away. I could not see or sense Steven. I kept asking mentally, “Where is Steven?” in as authoritative tone as I could manage while under attack. Receiving no response, I began to mentally call to Steven. He must have mentally picked up my thoughts because I felt him take my hands even though he was not there physically. He then hugged me and the attack ended. I sensed that it was our combined energy that was able to break the beam. I then rather passed out for a few minutes. When our CTS ended, I clearly recalled everything that happened and knew I had not dozed off and had a dream. It was ultimately real. I was still a bit weak from the attack. Steven asked if something happened. I said, "you won't believe this" and proceeded to tell Steven and Patrick most of what occurred. Patrick had been unaware of any of this during our CTS. When I finished, Steven said, "wait until you hear this". During the CTS, he heard a voice that said, "are you ready to go?" He then felt that the energy was instantly scrambled and he lost the connection. He could hear me faintly moaning and sensed that I was in distress. He then came to me etherically and hugged me. The dove tailing of our experiences was incredible. For some days, I pondered on this event. It had a profound effect upon me, and still does to this day. I knew it was highly significant that we were able to break the attack with combined positive energy. I also instinctively and absolutely felt that the attack had come from human beings. I knew that it was not sent by extraterrestrials. The beam carried with it fear and terror which I knew were being projected upon me by an outside force. I did not feel that fear and terror from within my own being, but I was forced to experience it. We then saw the ground-based lights at Bottomless Lakes flashing randomly again. It was nearly 1:00 by now and we decided to pack up. And drive over there to investigate. As we were in a flat open area, and anyone at Bottomless could have seen us coming for literally a mile. We drove around the Bottomless Lakes State Park, shining our 1.5 million candle power light all about. No traces of anyone or any vehicles were seen. There is a county road that cuts out of Bottomless Lakes which could make for an easy get-away for any one in that park. End of Narrative Report Links to articles supportive of themes outlined in the above report: If flying saucer intelligences threaten all terrestrial elites, but not necessarily the Earth’s people, then it is understandable that governmental response to UFOs is a counterintelligence one. https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/dueling-paradigms-perhaps-a-counterintelligence-model-is-better-than-a-scientific-one-to-study-ufos/ “Science, Counterintelligence & UFOs” Researcher Val Germann wrote this important multi-part article in 1997. He has given me permission to repost his work on my blog site. https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/09/04/science-counterintelligence-and-ufos/ Staging Human Initiated Contact Events adjacent to a high security research lab involved challenges of surveillance for my team. https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/05/19/did-a-fateful-phone-call-trigger-the-appearance-of-blackhawk-helicopters-during-contact-work/ During fieldwork in the high desert, my contact team was blatantly photographed on two separate occasions. We had UFO sightings first in the west, then in the north. We anticipated the next would be in the east. Instead three waves of jet fighters heading east buzzed us. https://contactunderground.wordpress.com/2022/07/11/and-then-the-sky-exploded-incident-at-joshua-tree-january-1996/ |
2024.05.20 07:14 Then_Astronomer_9546 Help.
Hi idk how to approach this writing this makes me stomach hurt and I want to cry. Recently I been feeling really out and kinda in a depressed mood, I have an older brother who been secretly recording me for the longest time and I don’t know what for. For years my brother has been doing weird things to me, it started first when we were really young, I’d say I was in the fourth grade. One day I asked something from my brother and he said that he would only do it if I let him hump me. I didn’t even know what that was at the time and I let him and I felt so uncomfortable and traumatizing idky I didn’t tell my mother at that time. I remember scratching that part of myself really hard bcuz I could still remember how it went down. Another time was when me and my brothers (I have two) were sharing a bedroom, once I found him crawl on the floor right beside in the middle of the night. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was looking for something which IK he wasn’t bcuz it’s midnight, this incident also left a scar in my brain cuz I knew he still didn’t change. Other times I would wake up with my shirt all the way up with my entire chest exposed, and I even made sure it wasn’t me just tossing and turning. Once time I woke up to him pulling my pants down while I was sleeping, another time we were playing fighting and he would grab my boobs and put his fingers up my YK. I didn’t let that slide and I hit him back and screamed at him, I was in shock it was a blur what happened after. I left my bedroom door open on time and I was laying on my stomach went to go grab something turned around to seeing taking a picture of me. Then these sort of things would stop for I’d say a year or two and I thought that these sort of things would end until he started recording me. I first noticed it when he was on his phone and he always held it in a weird positions, other instances he would have his phone held weird and walk back and forth in the living and the camera pointed at me. This would keep happening for the years leading now. I asked if I could use his phone one time and I was able check his gallery to see if was suspicion was true. I found a photo of me sleeping and there were multiple more as well as videos of just my butt. Like it’s disgusting and I hate living here, I cry some nights because these memories sometimes comes back. I can’t even be calm when I see random men just pull out their phones behind me. I hate pretending like idk what he’s doing, and I’m scared to reach out to my parents cause what are they really going to do. I’ve spoken to one person who’s been through my experience but they were able to go away for university and I don’t have the luxury to move away. Idk I feel like Reddit is the only comfort spot for me to share this and hope that other girls who are also in the same shitty situation knows it’s not just them. I think I’ve built the confidence to be able to tell my mother if I catch him one more time IK my mother will be so sad when she hears abt it. I can’t wait to leave and I hope to truly never see him again. Ever.
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2024.05.20 07:14 butterflymeechie My husband situation(AITAH)
I met my husband 16 years ago. He was reluctant to introduce me to his family outside his sibling. I met his sibling in an appropriate timing and we hit it off, now BFF. However, he delayed meeting anyone else in his family for as long as he could. I will say close to a year in our relationship, his grandmother needed help. I was at his apartment and he asked me if I would like to meet her. I said sure. He warned me about her. (His parents passed away before we met). I literally met everyone in his life except his direct family. I didn't get it at first 😕, but as time moved on, he was ready for me to meet more family. I began to realize why he kept me away from them. It was a holiday and I didn't realize what I got myself into. I was in love with my bf (now husband) at the time and think it would be that bad. When I saw his grandmother she 1. Talk about my outfit (I had a blazer, scarf, nice pants and a nice plain shirt, nothing revealing). 2. She then asked if her grandson put his hands on me. I was taken back from this because my husband is sweet as a pie. He doesn't even call women out their name when he has conflict. I walked away from her and enjoyed the rest of the evening with extended family that seem pretty cool.
Fast forward, at our wedding his grandmother attempt to sabotage our wedding by trying to be late (his sibling almost left her because grandmother knew the sibling was in our wedding). When she got there, she made fun of my 9 year cousin as the flower girl (fat shame), talked about me to my closet people who told me after the ceremony. Then made a speech that was disrespectful to us. Yet, my husband still kept his cool and enjoyed the even. His uncle was upset that we would not allow him to officiate our wedding and throughout the planning would ask me inappropriate questions about our relationship. After we were married, my husband got sick and was hospitalized. He was reluctant to tell anyone outside of his sibling but he did. Family came to visit. One family member decided it was a good time for a photo shoot (wired😒) but again my sweetie was a trooper up until that family member decided verbal outburst, I wasn't family and that I had to be a niece through blood. The rest of the family called him out for his bs. I let it go.
Fast forward again (it gets worst) at our baby shower his grandmother sits in the back again taking trash. Even hinted if my baby was her grandson (basically calling me a slut). I told the sibling she had to go. She also disregarded her other grandchildren at the shower. One of his family members that attended the wedding help bring our gifts home, only to attempt to convince my husband to allow him to move in. Of course my husband said HELL NAH! After my daughter was born, we did infant photos, only for his grandmother to degrade the photographer and her race. Again kicked her out and paid for a ride home.
(It gets worst) for a long time my husband decided to disengage with his family. His grandmother called and said she was severely sick. Of course, my husband reach out to her children and sibling to band together to support his grandmother. Only to learn she lied. And even made it seem like my husband made it all up to her children. I heard her tell him this. I was pissed. He again cut her off.
Now, his grandmother's health is not the best (non life threatening) her sons are trying to guilt trip my husband in taking the lead. His grandmother has 5 functioning children. My husband refuse to let them meet our daughter and refuse to communicate with them. (They are the most toxic people in the world) My husband is the most loving sweet guy. His sibling is amazing as well. It is so bad but I'm afraid if I list everything it will go on forever. Now relative are reaching out trying make contact, even reaching out to me. I told my husband I support his choice to disconnect and draw boundaries. He has tried to be a family man but constantly got egg in his face.
Now, our daughter is growing up with amazing family that support and love us genuinely. Some of his family believe he is overreacting but I don't. He has been through hell with these people.
submitted by butterflymeechie to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]
Fast forward, at our wedding his grandmother attempt to sabotage our wedding by trying to be late (his sibling almost left her because grandmother knew the sibling was in our wedding). When she got there, she made fun of my 9 year cousin as the flower girl (fat shame), talked about me to my closet people who told me after the ceremony. Then made a speech that was disrespectful to us. Yet, my husband still kept his cool and enjoyed the even. His uncle was upset that we would not allow him to officiate our wedding and throughout the planning would ask me inappropriate questions about our relationship. After we were married, my husband got sick and was hospitalized. He was reluctant to tell anyone outside of his sibling but he did. Family came to visit. One family member decided it was a good time for a photo shoot (wired😒) but again my sweetie was a trooper up until that family member decided verbal outburst, I wasn't family and that I had to be a niece through blood. The rest of the family called him out for his bs. I let it go.
Fast forward again (it gets worst) at our baby shower his grandmother sits in the back again taking trash. Even hinted if my baby was her grandson (basically calling me a slut). I told the sibling she had to go. She also disregarded her other grandchildren at the shower. One of his family members that attended the wedding help bring our gifts home, only to attempt to convince my husband to allow him to move in. Of course my husband said HELL NAH! After my daughter was born, we did infant photos, only for his grandmother to degrade the photographer and her race. Again kicked her out and paid for a ride home.
(It gets worst) for a long time my husband decided to disengage with his family. His grandmother called and said she was severely sick. Of course, my husband reach out to her children and sibling to band together to support his grandmother. Only to learn she lied. And even made it seem like my husband made it all up to her children. I heard her tell him this. I was pissed. He again cut her off.
Now, his grandmother's health is not the best (non life threatening) her sons are trying to guilt trip my husband in taking the lead. His grandmother has 5 functioning children. My husband refuse to let them meet our daughter and refuse to communicate with them. (They are the most toxic people in the world) My husband is the most loving sweet guy. His sibling is amazing as well. It is so bad but I'm afraid if I list everything it will go on forever. Now relative are reaching out trying make contact, even reaching out to me. I told my husband I support his choice to disconnect and draw boundaries. He has tried to be a family man but constantly got egg in his face.
Now, our daughter is growing up with amazing family that support and love us genuinely. Some of his family believe he is overreacting but I don't. He has been through hell with these people.
2024.05.20 07:11 Vegetable_Revenue542 Husband no longer loves me: TL;DR: My husband of almost 3 years has admitted to falling out of love with me but says he wants to still try to work it out and save our marriage, while simultaneously proving unwilling to put any work into salvaging the relationship at the same time.
Husband fell out of love with me
I'm posting anonymously as this is very humiliating and just not something I'm ready to discuss with anyone I know as of yet. I'm sorry if this is really long but I need advise and to just get all of this off of my chest. Will most likely delete later.
I (26f) have known my husband (28m) since we were young children. We grew up together for a while and then separated for over a decade when our families moved. I moved to a different part of town while he and his family moved to another town and hour and a half away. We hadn't spoken or seen each other until he managed to find me on social media when I was 21. I had been in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship at the time and was having a hard time finding my way out of that situation. When he messaged me I initially didn't even recognize him or his name. I was just going to leave him on read. But my curiosity got the better of me and I decided to go back and look at his page and that was when I recognized him. He helped me muster the courage I needed to break out of the turmultuious relationship I had been in and then drove an hour and a half just to see me. That meant a lot to me at the time. Shortly after we began our relationship and I quickly fell pregnant. We kept witnessing strange things that hardly felt like coincidences and had both come to the agreement that they we signs from the universe that we were on the correct path.
Fast forward to now. We have been together for almost 5 years and married for 3 after next week. We have two very young children together and have weathered many hardships as a couple in this time. In the beginning all was well. My husband still tried. He put in effort where he could. He watched me battle post partum depression after a very traumatic birth experience with our first child. Almost two years later we fell pregnant with our second which I was very apprehensive about because of the troubles I had in my first pregnancy. Things started changing with him after I became pregnant again (which I forget to mention he was initially very happy and excited about) his demeanor toward me had subtly started to change.
He stopped being as loving and affectionate. He seemed annoyed or indifferent to when I was upset or struggling internally. If I was crying or having a hard time he would just walk straight by me not even batting an eye. Before I had our second I lost one of my sisters unexpectedly and still am having a hard time handling the grief. When my sister passed away my husband offered me no condolences or emotional support what so ever. I was forced to face my grief alone. I've tried communicating with him about the way I've been feeling but he is completely emotionally closed off. I began to notice that the man I had married was a very emotionally unavailable person and I had tried to suggest seeking help to work through his communication issues and emotional unavailability but he is heavily against seeing a professional. He refuses still to this day to work on himself as a person at all.
Since having our second child we moved back to the town his family is from. We live in a home, my husband found a new job that he has to get up very early for and works very long hours through the week. When I would bring up how neglected I felt by him he would chalk it up to just being "too tired" "too sore" "too stressed". He puts absolutely no effort into our marriage at all. It's not the example of marriage I want set for our children let alone the fact that it eats away at me, makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me, and leaves me feeling unwanted, unloved, and like I don't matter at all. It makes it hard for me to be the mother I want to be. I find myself always overstimulated, and I feel like I'm constantly pouring from an empty cup.
I'm sure a lot of you will say "sounds like he's cheating" but I'm ashamed to admit that I have checked his phone, he never hides it from me. I found absolutely nothing on it and when he's not working he's always home with us. Just off on his own working on our house or only spending time with the kids or sleeping as he has to be up early. So if he is cheating he must be a professional at it cause he covers his tracks very well.
That brings me to recently. I've had this dull feeling in the pit of my stomach that I have found myself in a loveless marriage. I've been changing my appearance and dressing nicer. Doing my hair and make up more. And it doesn't seem to make a difference to him. Everyday I can feel depression quickly consuming me. I'm falling deeper and deeper into a place I've been working very hard to heal from and not fall back into. But now here I am. My husband's been slightly mean to me with some of the comments he's made about my appearance lately. making me feel completely unlovable and worthless. Everyday that passes without any kind of affection from him has built up in me and finally last night I was so upset. That knawing feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was amiss In my marriage I could no longer surpress. I've been having troubles sleeping. I can barely eat. My body dismorphia is coming back as well as eating disorders I used to have.
Last night I just couldnt sleep. I was so restless with the feeling of being trapped in a loveless marriage I couldn't stop my mind from racing. I finally fell asleep on the couch at about 6 am and dreamt that I had confronted my husband about my gut feeling to which he admitted he didn't love me in the dream. I woke up feeling distraught because of it. My husband was already up, tending to the kids acting as though everything was fine when I couldn't hold it in anymore. I finally confronted him. I told him about the gut feeling I had and asked him if he still loved me. He said he did. I rephrased the question and asked if he was IN love with me. That's when he looked down and fell silent. My heart plummeted and I began shaking feeling as though my life was crumbling around me. I then asked him if he wasn't in love with me, then was he in love with someone else to which he replied no and seemed sincere about that. I asked him why he had fallen out of love with me and he said because he sometimes felt like I wasn't pulling enough weight with chores. (Which may I add I may not get everything done in a day while tending to young hyperactive kids but I do make sure everyday that he does come house to all the toys picked up and floors swept and vacuumed if anything. And I try to get as many dishes done as I can with kids pulling on my pant sleeves.) So I'm not sure if I believe that to be the true reason. I asked where he wanted to go from here. Did he want me to take the kids and leave and let him pick up where he had left off from before we ever got together or if he wanted me to stay and try to fix our relationship. He said he wished for me to stay and we work on our marriage. I suggested couples counseling and he immediately shot it down saying we could work it out ourselves to which I asked how and then he shrugged and said, verbatim, " I figured you'd just read a book". That was when I got angry. At that moment I knew he wants me to be the one to figure out how to get him to fall back love with me. which in turn means he will not be willing to put any work into actually fixing our marriage. Even after all of this he still won't hardly communicate, still not being affectionate, hell he still hasn't even apologized or shown any remorse for hurting me so deeply.
I'm now at a loss. I'm so hurt by this. I'm humiliated, I feel betrayed. I have so many doubts about him in this moment. I've let him know that I'm not just going to be able to get over this. I severely dissociated after his revelation of no long being in love with me. I'm so upset because I do love him still and have sacrificed everything for him. Absolutely everything. Almost my life included. I told him I'm having a hard time deciding whether I'm going to stay or go. Frankly I just want to disappear from this world.
Does anyone have any insight? What should I do?
TL;DR: My husband of almost 3 years has admitted to falling out of love with me but says he wants to still try to work it out and save our marriage, while simultaneously proving unwilling to put any work into salvaging the relationship at the same time. I'm very hurt by his admission of no longer being in love with me and don't think I can move past this. What should I do?
submitted by Vegetable_Revenue542 to relationships_advice [link] [comments]
I'm posting anonymously as this is very humiliating and just not something I'm ready to discuss with anyone I know as of yet. I'm sorry if this is really long but I need advise and to just get all of this off of my chest. Will most likely delete later.
I (26f) have known my husband (28m) since we were young children. We grew up together for a while and then separated for over a decade when our families moved. I moved to a different part of town while he and his family moved to another town and hour and a half away. We hadn't spoken or seen each other until he managed to find me on social media when I was 21. I had been in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship at the time and was having a hard time finding my way out of that situation. When he messaged me I initially didn't even recognize him or his name. I was just going to leave him on read. But my curiosity got the better of me and I decided to go back and look at his page and that was when I recognized him. He helped me muster the courage I needed to break out of the turmultuious relationship I had been in and then drove an hour and a half just to see me. That meant a lot to me at the time. Shortly after we began our relationship and I quickly fell pregnant. We kept witnessing strange things that hardly felt like coincidences and had both come to the agreement that they we signs from the universe that we were on the correct path.
Fast forward to now. We have been together for almost 5 years and married for 3 after next week. We have two very young children together and have weathered many hardships as a couple in this time. In the beginning all was well. My husband still tried. He put in effort where he could. He watched me battle post partum depression after a very traumatic birth experience with our first child. Almost two years later we fell pregnant with our second which I was very apprehensive about because of the troubles I had in my first pregnancy. Things started changing with him after I became pregnant again (which I forget to mention he was initially very happy and excited about) his demeanor toward me had subtly started to change.
He stopped being as loving and affectionate. He seemed annoyed or indifferent to when I was upset or struggling internally. If I was crying or having a hard time he would just walk straight by me not even batting an eye. Before I had our second I lost one of my sisters unexpectedly and still am having a hard time handling the grief. When my sister passed away my husband offered me no condolences or emotional support what so ever. I was forced to face my grief alone. I've tried communicating with him about the way I've been feeling but he is completely emotionally closed off. I began to notice that the man I had married was a very emotionally unavailable person and I had tried to suggest seeking help to work through his communication issues and emotional unavailability but he is heavily against seeing a professional. He refuses still to this day to work on himself as a person at all.
Since having our second child we moved back to the town his family is from. We live in a home, my husband found a new job that he has to get up very early for and works very long hours through the week. When I would bring up how neglected I felt by him he would chalk it up to just being "too tired" "too sore" "too stressed". He puts absolutely no effort into our marriage at all. It's not the example of marriage I want set for our children let alone the fact that it eats away at me, makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me, and leaves me feeling unwanted, unloved, and like I don't matter at all. It makes it hard for me to be the mother I want to be. I find myself always overstimulated, and I feel like I'm constantly pouring from an empty cup.
I'm sure a lot of you will say "sounds like he's cheating" but I'm ashamed to admit that I have checked his phone, he never hides it from me. I found absolutely nothing on it and when he's not working he's always home with us. Just off on his own working on our house or only spending time with the kids or sleeping as he has to be up early. So if he is cheating he must be a professional at it cause he covers his tracks very well.
That brings me to recently. I've had this dull feeling in the pit of my stomach that I have found myself in a loveless marriage. I've been changing my appearance and dressing nicer. Doing my hair and make up more. And it doesn't seem to make a difference to him. Everyday I can feel depression quickly consuming me. I'm falling deeper and deeper into a place I've been working very hard to heal from and not fall back into. But now here I am. My husband's been slightly mean to me with some of the comments he's made about my appearance lately. making me feel completely unlovable and worthless. Everyday that passes without any kind of affection from him has built up in me and finally last night I was so upset. That knawing feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was amiss In my marriage I could no longer surpress. I've been having troubles sleeping. I can barely eat. My body dismorphia is coming back as well as eating disorders I used to have.
Last night I just couldnt sleep. I was so restless with the feeling of being trapped in a loveless marriage I couldn't stop my mind from racing. I finally fell asleep on the couch at about 6 am and dreamt that I had confronted my husband about my gut feeling to which he admitted he didn't love me in the dream. I woke up feeling distraught because of it. My husband was already up, tending to the kids acting as though everything was fine when I couldn't hold it in anymore. I finally confronted him. I told him about the gut feeling I had and asked him if he still loved me. He said he did. I rephrased the question and asked if he was IN love with me. That's when he looked down and fell silent. My heart plummeted and I began shaking feeling as though my life was crumbling around me. I then asked him if he wasn't in love with me, then was he in love with someone else to which he replied no and seemed sincere about that. I asked him why he had fallen out of love with me and he said because he sometimes felt like I wasn't pulling enough weight with chores. (Which may I add I may not get everything done in a day while tending to young hyperactive kids but I do make sure everyday that he does come house to all the toys picked up and floors swept and vacuumed if anything. And I try to get as many dishes done as I can with kids pulling on my pant sleeves.) So I'm not sure if I believe that to be the true reason. I asked where he wanted to go from here. Did he want me to take the kids and leave and let him pick up where he had left off from before we ever got together or if he wanted me to stay and try to fix our relationship. He said he wished for me to stay and we work on our marriage. I suggested couples counseling and he immediately shot it down saying we could work it out ourselves to which I asked how and then he shrugged and said, verbatim, " I figured you'd just read a book". That was when I got angry. At that moment I knew he wants me to be the one to figure out how to get him to fall back love with me. which in turn means he will not be willing to put any work into actually fixing our marriage. Even after all of this he still won't hardly communicate, still not being affectionate, hell he still hasn't even apologized or shown any remorse for hurting me so deeply.
I'm now at a loss. I'm so hurt by this. I'm humiliated, I feel betrayed. I have so many doubts about him in this moment. I've let him know that I'm not just going to be able to get over this. I severely dissociated after his revelation of no long being in love with me. I'm so upset because I do love him still and have sacrificed everything for him. Absolutely everything. Almost my life included. I told him I'm having a hard time deciding whether I'm going to stay or go. Frankly I just want to disappear from this world.
Does anyone have any insight? What should I do?
TL;DR: My husband of almost 3 years has admitted to falling out of love with me but says he wants to still try to work it out and save our marriage, while simultaneously proving unwilling to put any work into salvaging the relationship at the same time. I'm very hurt by his admission of no longer being in love with me and don't think I can move past this. What should I do?
2024.05.20 07:10 No-Tumbleweed-2709 I (24-M) am having an internal crisis over my partner's (42-M) dog. What do I do?
I will preface this by saying I am typically an animal lover, and I have a very healthy relationship with my partner that I am content with. I'm hoping to see if anyone can shed some light on the next steps in this situation.
My partner (42 M) and I (24 M) have been together for nearly a year. Our relationship began suddenly and unexpectedly, and has been a wonderful year where we have been mutual, respectful, patient and understanding, and I am incredibly happy with the life we have, and he is too. He went through a hard breakup with his previous partner, where they were civil but very bitter, and had a short dispute over the money from their house. He has been a little down and cranky during this period, but has since come out successful and is improving by the day. I have recently been out of work for several months, and we have been living together for 5 months. This means I've spent lots of time with him, working on our own issues and getting closer.
I love many aspects of our relationship, except the dog...
I apologize for the length of this but I've been very stressed about this for a while now, and have had indifference from friends and family about it as they do not seem to understand this is a problem in my daily life.
When I met the dog, he was in love with me. A 3 year old, small pug mix, with A LOT of energy. He is very sweet, and affectionate, however he is fully charged, and not fixed as he was planning to breed his dog with his previous partner's dog. The dog was very affectionate with me when I began visiting my partner at his old house, or when we'd go out together. He'd jump up on me, jittery with excitement, and push into my chest as hard as he could. I thought it was adorable, and I grew to really like his dog, but shortly into visiting, we had a night where my partner and I were having some drinks, dancing, and playing around with his VR headset, and the dog WOULD NOT get out from under our feet. I kept having to physically move the dog, and at one point when I reached down to move him, he yelped. My partner didn't freak out, but I felt really guilty like I'd hurt him, and I think it's only gone downhill since then.
My partner loves his dog, and would never hurt him, but as we live in a large, very busy city with horrifically bad drivers, he gave his dog a swat on the butt when he started running away from the backyard and across streets full of speeding cars.
We moved to a small apartment, and shortly after I was injured at work and began staying home all day while receiving treatment, which is good for nobody, unfortunately. Nearly instantly I began to be annoyed by this dog. He was constantly up on me, at me, around me, sniffing and fidgeting and huffing and puffing as pugs do. He'd follow me everywhere, and slept in our bed. As time went on and we gained some more trust, I began letting him off-leash in the back of the apartment building. He listened well, came back when called, and was rewarded for it with a treat and petting and a "good boy'm" I thought maybe I could deal with it, but then he kept annoying me, all day, all night, fidgeting and on top of my partner and I, to like, ridiculous levels, we're talking molding to the shape of our body and pushing his face hard into our sides, or standing with hard little paws into my stomach or chest until it was just uncomfortable, but wouldn't just lay down, he'd just stand and push, or lean and push, and push, and huff, and move, and push, until eventually I'd have to remove him.
I tried playing around with him, as he loves to wrestle and act tough, and hoped it would relieve some of the tension and energy, but found he's much more sensitive than I thought, and would get upset and sometimes even yelp when I'd chase him and play with him with the ball and caught him. I felt bad, but my partner assured me he's just little and can get spooked when he realizes he can get caught, and I just needed to be more gentle. This frustrated me as he'd paw at me, and push and whine and sook until I'd play, then he'd get rough and play-growling, then suddenly upset and scared that I was being too rough with him.
Then the day came that absolutely ruined us.
I took him out, and let him off the leash as usual, and it was very cold, and very late at night. We'd been doing the off-leash bathroom breaks for well over a month at this point, perhaps even two, and suddenly, he didn't come back. He kept walking, so I came up quickly, but not running, to catch him, and he just absolutely refused to come to me from behind this bush I couldn't get through, no matter what I tried, and then just bolted, around the entire building, into the downtown of a large city at night, and straight for the road. I finally caught him about 6 feet from the road, and I gave him a swat on the butt, like my partner had before, and I felt bad doing so but like, the alternative is he gets crushed to death by a car. He needs to know there are consequences to running off into the city, as my partner had said. He was really upset, and I dragged him back up into the apartment.
He is still anxious around me now, and I'm aware and I feel bad, but the stuff he does just drives me absolutely bat-shit insane, and the rage just boils up inside me whenever I have to deal with his antics, and I wish it didn't, and I wish it would go away, and I don't know how to fix it.
A brief list of what drives me nuts:
Absolutely obsessed with my partner, and will not leave his side. Lays across his whole chest and stomach ALL DAY, non stop, will not at all leave being on him, which admittedly makes me a little jealous because my partner cuddles him easily 10x more than he cuddles me.
Constantly needs to know what we're doing, and if I'm carrying something heavy or trying to hurry, will stand exactly in the middle of a small space and not move until I'm literally tripping over him, and even then won't move until I actually force him to, by literally sliding him across the floor.
Rarely listens to anything I say, doesn't listen when I'm nice, doesn't listen when I'm friendly, doesn't want to cuddle when I want to, begs to go out then won't let me put his harness on, etc.
STINKS, like bad, breath, ass, fur, whatever, he often has a nasty funk on him that makes even the couch stink, and we bathe him and it only works for a day or two.
When we walk him, or take him for a pee, he will absolutely not just pee, he has to sniff, and huff, and sniff, and grunt, and search, and what he's looking for is female dog piss, which he then licks up, rubs all over his teeth, pants, and then gets a boner while slurping female dog pee off his tongue, and physically pulls against us when we try to make him stop.
Etc.
He's a very sweet dog, with a good heart, and my partner loves him with his whole heart. Probably even more than he loves me, and that's okay, i would never expect otherwise or want him to get rid of his dog, but I am literally in inner-turmoil over this. It's a known fact the dog and I don't really get along. We both don't trust one another, and it's rare we cuddle anymore together. I take care of his needs, and care about him because he's an animal, but I just frankly cannot enjoy any time with the dog anymore.
I feel guilty, and shitty, because the dog is genuinely excited to see me when I come home from being our for a day or a short trip, he cuddles and wants our company, and wouldn't hurt a fly, and I want to like him, not only for my sake but for his and my partner's, but literally every day I'm with him, I feel it more and more strained, and I feel more and more annoyed.
My partner and I have had an open dialog about this, but haven't found a solution.
If you stuck around this long, please give me some advice, I'm really trying to make this work, and I know I'm part of the problem, but I just really want to fix this and don't know how.
(P.s, not looking for judgement or nastiness about my relationship, so save it.)
Thank you.
submitted by No-Tumbleweed-2709 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
My partner (42 M) and I (24 M) have been together for nearly a year. Our relationship began suddenly and unexpectedly, and has been a wonderful year where we have been mutual, respectful, patient and understanding, and I am incredibly happy with the life we have, and he is too. He went through a hard breakup with his previous partner, where they were civil but very bitter, and had a short dispute over the money from their house. He has been a little down and cranky during this period, but has since come out successful and is improving by the day. I have recently been out of work for several months, and we have been living together for 5 months. This means I've spent lots of time with him, working on our own issues and getting closer.
I love many aspects of our relationship, except the dog...
I apologize for the length of this but I've been very stressed about this for a while now, and have had indifference from friends and family about it as they do not seem to understand this is a problem in my daily life.
When I met the dog, he was in love with me. A 3 year old, small pug mix, with A LOT of energy. He is very sweet, and affectionate, however he is fully charged, and not fixed as he was planning to breed his dog with his previous partner's dog. The dog was very affectionate with me when I began visiting my partner at his old house, or when we'd go out together. He'd jump up on me, jittery with excitement, and push into my chest as hard as he could. I thought it was adorable, and I grew to really like his dog, but shortly into visiting, we had a night where my partner and I were having some drinks, dancing, and playing around with his VR headset, and the dog WOULD NOT get out from under our feet. I kept having to physically move the dog, and at one point when I reached down to move him, he yelped. My partner didn't freak out, but I felt really guilty like I'd hurt him, and I think it's only gone downhill since then.
My partner loves his dog, and would never hurt him, but as we live in a large, very busy city with horrifically bad drivers, he gave his dog a swat on the butt when he started running away from the backyard and across streets full of speeding cars.
We moved to a small apartment, and shortly after I was injured at work and began staying home all day while receiving treatment, which is good for nobody, unfortunately. Nearly instantly I began to be annoyed by this dog. He was constantly up on me, at me, around me, sniffing and fidgeting and huffing and puffing as pugs do. He'd follow me everywhere, and slept in our bed. As time went on and we gained some more trust, I began letting him off-leash in the back of the apartment building. He listened well, came back when called, and was rewarded for it with a treat and petting and a "good boy'm" I thought maybe I could deal with it, but then he kept annoying me, all day, all night, fidgeting and on top of my partner and I, to like, ridiculous levels, we're talking molding to the shape of our body and pushing his face hard into our sides, or standing with hard little paws into my stomach or chest until it was just uncomfortable, but wouldn't just lay down, he'd just stand and push, or lean and push, and push, and huff, and move, and push, until eventually I'd have to remove him.
I tried playing around with him, as he loves to wrestle and act tough, and hoped it would relieve some of the tension and energy, but found he's much more sensitive than I thought, and would get upset and sometimes even yelp when I'd chase him and play with him with the ball and caught him. I felt bad, but my partner assured me he's just little and can get spooked when he realizes he can get caught, and I just needed to be more gentle. This frustrated me as he'd paw at me, and push and whine and sook until I'd play, then he'd get rough and play-growling, then suddenly upset and scared that I was being too rough with him.
Then the day came that absolutely ruined us.
I took him out, and let him off the leash as usual, and it was very cold, and very late at night. We'd been doing the off-leash bathroom breaks for well over a month at this point, perhaps even two, and suddenly, he didn't come back. He kept walking, so I came up quickly, but not running, to catch him, and he just absolutely refused to come to me from behind this bush I couldn't get through, no matter what I tried, and then just bolted, around the entire building, into the downtown of a large city at night, and straight for the road. I finally caught him about 6 feet from the road, and I gave him a swat on the butt, like my partner had before, and I felt bad doing so but like, the alternative is he gets crushed to death by a car. He needs to know there are consequences to running off into the city, as my partner had said. He was really upset, and I dragged him back up into the apartment.
He is still anxious around me now, and I'm aware and I feel bad, but the stuff he does just drives me absolutely bat-shit insane, and the rage just boils up inside me whenever I have to deal with his antics, and I wish it didn't, and I wish it would go away, and I don't know how to fix it.
A brief list of what drives me nuts:
Absolutely obsessed with my partner, and will not leave his side. Lays across his whole chest and stomach ALL DAY, non stop, will not at all leave being on him, which admittedly makes me a little jealous because my partner cuddles him easily 10x more than he cuddles me.
Constantly needs to know what we're doing, and if I'm carrying something heavy or trying to hurry, will stand exactly in the middle of a small space and not move until I'm literally tripping over him, and even then won't move until I actually force him to, by literally sliding him across the floor.
Rarely listens to anything I say, doesn't listen when I'm nice, doesn't listen when I'm friendly, doesn't want to cuddle when I want to, begs to go out then won't let me put his harness on, etc.
STINKS, like bad, breath, ass, fur, whatever, he often has a nasty funk on him that makes even the couch stink, and we bathe him and it only works for a day or two.
When we walk him, or take him for a pee, he will absolutely not just pee, he has to sniff, and huff, and sniff, and grunt, and search, and what he's looking for is female dog piss, which he then licks up, rubs all over his teeth, pants, and then gets a boner while slurping female dog pee off his tongue, and physically pulls against us when we try to make him stop.
Etc.
He's a very sweet dog, with a good heart, and my partner loves him with his whole heart. Probably even more than he loves me, and that's okay, i would never expect otherwise or want him to get rid of his dog, but I am literally in inner-turmoil over this. It's a known fact the dog and I don't really get along. We both don't trust one another, and it's rare we cuddle anymore together. I take care of his needs, and care about him because he's an animal, but I just frankly cannot enjoy any time with the dog anymore.
I feel guilty, and shitty, because the dog is genuinely excited to see me when I come home from being our for a day or a short trip, he cuddles and wants our company, and wouldn't hurt a fly, and I want to like him, not only for my sake but for his and my partner's, but literally every day I'm with him, I feel it more and more strained, and I feel more and more annoyed.
My partner and I have had an open dialog about this, but haven't found a solution.
If you stuck around this long, please give me some advice, I'm really trying to make this work, and I know I'm part of the problem, but I just really want to fix this and don't know how.
(P.s, not looking for judgement or nastiness about my relationship, so save it.)
Thank you.
2024.05.20 07:08 mclloysjoey About the 'spoilers' and fans reaction to it
So I have seen people say that fans of WHWW shouldn't be upset if they end up erasing Michael's character altogether cause it's an adaptation after all. And that fans are being entitled if we say that if they are gender bending Michael, it would actually be disrespectful to the book fans.
I would have been kind of okay with this thought process if everyone included in WHWW's storyline like Jess, Hannah D, Victor weren't constantly mentioning WHWW as the source material for almost everything they have done so far on the show.
Take HOTD for instance. The writers are very clear over there that they are doing their own thing on the show and are using the book as a base to further expand on it. So, fans are already prepared for changes.
But here, we are constantly being told by the showrunner how closely they are following the source material so we are bound to be disappointed if they just pop out of nowhere with such a major change. And fans being upset with it are VALID.
And this isn't us being homophobic or not wanting queer representation. All we want is for one of the characters we have been attached to for years to not be erased. A female Michael will be nowhere close to a male Michael Stirling.
submitted by mclloysjoey to FranchaelStirling [link] [comments]
I would have been kind of okay with this thought process if everyone included in WHWW's storyline like Jess, Hannah D, Victor weren't constantly mentioning WHWW as the source material for almost everything they have done so far on the show.
Take HOTD for instance. The writers are very clear over there that they are doing their own thing on the show and are using the book as a base to further expand on it. So, fans are already prepared for changes.
But here, we are constantly being told by the showrunner how closely they are following the source material so we are bound to be disappointed if they just pop out of nowhere with such a major change. And fans being upset with it are VALID.
And this isn't us being homophobic or not wanting queer representation. All we want is for one of the characters we have been attached to for years to not be erased. A female Michael will be nowhere close to a male Michael Stirling.
2024.05.20 07:06 BBarros1111 My Experience Post-Botox (From Day 1 to 5 Weeks Later)
Hey everyone, this sub helped me so much with figuring out about this condition and eventually helping me find a doctor that would give me the botox treatment, so I wanted to give a full detailed account of my experience to help anyone else in the beginning of their journey!
So for some context I am 21F and for as long as I can recall, I’ve never burped. My parents tell me I had no issues burping as a baby, so somewhere in my early life I lost the ability to burp. I can remember having symptoms for many years now, but it’s only been in the last few years of me starting college and getting into my intended career field when this condition started to really affect my life negatively. My biggest symptoms were the gurgling frog noises, painful bloating, and painful hiccups.
I found out about this condition probably a year or two ago, and then finally after one particularly embarrassing experience with the gurgling noises I finally decided to try and start the process of getting the botox procedure. For more context I’m located in the state of Georgia and have Kaiser Health insurance.
So in December 2023 I saw a Primary Care Doctor in order to get a referral to an ENT. Thanks to this subreddit I knew how important it was that I saw an ENT and didn't get referred to a GI doctor. During this appointment I initially didn’t bring up RCPD because I had a feeling my doctor wouldn’t take a self diagnosis seriously. However after discussing my symptoms, (which she had a hilariously confused face when I explained my symptoms and exclaimed “Wow I’ve never had someone come to me with this issue before!”) she said she felt like it was likely a GI issue. So after hearing this I decided to bring up that I had done some online research, which she actually was incredibly receptive to and even encouraged me to share what I had found. I explained to her RCPD and watched her google the condition right in front of me, and after reading some webpages she was in agreement that this is likely what I had, and changed my referral to ENT!
On January 9th 2024 I had my ENT appointment, which was pretty straightforward. My Primary Care Doctor wrote in my referral about RCPD, so the ENT’s I met with had researched the condition before my appointment. They performed an endoscopy on me to make sure I didn’t have any other issues that could be causing my symptoms, but everything came back clean. Since they found no other issues that could be causing my symptoms, they were in agreement that I likely had RCPD. However the Kaiser ENT told me that they don’t perform the Botox procedure through their system of healthcare hospitals/offices, so they’d be writing me a referral to Dr. Andrew Tkaczuk at Emory University Hospital in Atlanta, GA. Even though I already knew about Dr. Tkaczuk through this subreddit, I’m glad I went through these 2 appointments with Kaiser first because it made the process of getting the botox procedure covered by Kaiser Insurance basically automatic.
On February 21st 2024 I had my first appointment at Emory with Dr. Tkaczuk. Once again this was pretty straightforward. I got another endoscopy which once again came back clean. He made sure I didn’t have any issues with acid reflux or heartburn, because in his experience the botox procedure can make those conditions worse. He also let me know that he’s performed this procedure over a hundred times now and never had any complications. I think he mentioned only having to redose maybe 3 patients when their first dose didn’t work. He did warn me that he mostly uses the botox procedure as a cure to bloating issues, as typically most of his patients don't go on to be world class belchers, but instead can burp just enough to relieve their symptoms of bloating and gas build up in the body. After going through all of the risks and potential side effects, I got the greenlight to get the botox procedure.
On April 12th 2024 I got my Botox procedure, and everything was incredibly easy! I showed up to Emory Hospital at 1pm and got taken back to pre-op by 1:30ish. I was not intubated since I am young and the procedure would only take around 30 minutes max, and they made sure to protect my teeth to prevent any damage that the instruments could cause. I underwent general anesthesia (Dr. Tkaczuk explained that he’s more comfortable doing the procedure under GA since the injection site is so close to vocal cords and other things that could be easily damaged if done under local) and was injected with 50 units of botox. I woke up and went home after the procedure with only a very minor sore throat. Dr. Tkaczuk warned me that I might not have any relief of my symptoms until 2 days after the procedure when the botox would likely begin to take effect. For the rest of my procedure day (Day 0) I only had a minor sore throat that eventually had gone away by bedtime.
Day 1 Post Botox Procedure I woke up and immediately drank some Sprite and Dr. Pepper, and luckily had no issues with any slow swallowing. I wasn’t getting my hopes up that I’d have any micro burps since I wasn’t 2 days post-op yet, but turns out I had nothing to worry about! Only a few hours after waking up I had my first micro-burp during a sneeze, and it only got more prevalent throughout the day. I naturally am a bit of a Dr. Pepper addict, so I was consuming fizzy drinks all day. The Dr. Pepper and Sprite gave me some occasional micro-burps, but eventually I drank a fizzy drink called “Guarana Antarctica” (A Brazilian soda similar tasting to Sprite which can be found at Brazilian grocery stores or Publix!) and that drink caused my burps to increase like crazy, so if you’re looking for a drink to induce your burps maybe try that! By night time I was practically micro-burping after every sip of a drink and even let out some quite large and quite nasty tasting burps. I also had at least 3 burps where I could feel acid come up through my nose a bit, which was definitely unpleasant but weirdly nice to experience because it told me that the procedure did its job! However all these burps were 100% uncontrollable. I did find that it was easier to get them out by turning my head to the side, but some just naturally came out while I was talking and I had no control to hold it back (I accidentally burped right in my aunt's face while talking to her!).
Day 3 Post Botox Procedure I started to get some very minor slow swallow side effects. I only experienced it when eating certain foods and luckily not with liquids. It didn’t really make it much harder to eat, I just had to wash down my bites with a drink every so often to make sure food didn’t get stuck in my throat. But otherwise my micro-burps continued as normal, but still were quite involuntary and I still didn’t have much control over them.
2 Weeks Post Botox Procedure not much has changed. I can still burp quite frequently, some sounding like loud real burps but most are just small releases of air. My slow swallow has pretty much gone away, sometimes I still need to chase some large bites of food down with liquid but it's not as bad as it was in the beginning. One thing I’ve noticed that is kind of annoying is I cant drink anything if I’m not sitting up completely straight, and if I lay down too quickly after sipping something the liquid will come right back up! I assume that my esophagus is just kind of always a little open right now which is causing this. The other day I did have what I’d consider a “burp attack” after drinking some Chick Fil A sweet tea. I was in class and literally could not stop burping, which was great for practice but none of these burps offered any release. I’d let out a burp but still feel like there was air trapped in my chest. This only ended after I stopped drinking the tea and drank some soda instead, overall it was pretty weird and so I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar. But so far I haven't noticed any painful bloating which has been great! I’ve explained the condition and procedure to all my friends, so whenever I’m hanging out with them they all encourage me with my burps which has been quite funny.
3 Weeks Post Botox Procedure my slow swallow symptoms are completely gone, and I’m experiencing full and natural burps when appropriate instead of small micro burps constantly through the day. I’m pretty sure I’ve learned how to burp at this point, but its hard to say until the botox really wears off. However I recently started experiencing a new and unpleasant side effect, which is throwing up a little bit in my mouth when I bend down too quickly. It’s only happened twice so far, but its very unpleasant, but I’m not super concerned since it’s likely just due to the muscle still being always slightly open. Another side effect is very jarring and painful burps that go up my nose after drinking soda. It’s really hard to describe but I’m sure anyone who has experienced it knows what I’m talking about. I’ve asked my non-RCPD family members if this is a normal thing and they all say that a burp like that happens very rarely, so I’m thinking it’ll go away soon.
5 Weeks Post Botox Procedure and all of my previous side effects have gone away! My burps are natural and happening at normal times still with the occasional burp when I sneeze. No more acid burps with soda, no more minor throwing up in my mouth when bending down. I was supposed to have a follow up appointment with Dr. T this week, but due to some scheduling conflicts I had to cancel it. However I’m pretty sure he would have given me a clean bill of health, and at least in my opinion I can pretty confidently say I’ve been cured of RCP-D! I’m pretty sure it’ll be another month or two before the botox fully wears off, so if something major changes I’ll update this post. But I think at this point it’s safe to say all of my side effects are gone, and my body has stabilized to its new normal!
Overall I am incredibly grateful for how easy this process was for me. I’m so thankful that I never dealt with any doctors not believing in my symptoms or the condition itself, and the fact that the botox kicked in so quickly and I had minimal side effects! Thanks for reading if you made it all the way down here, I hope this helps someone with their experience!
submitted by BBarros1111 to noburp [link] [comments]
So for some context I am 21F and for as long as I can recall, I’ve never burped. My parents tell me I had no issues burping as a baby, so somewhere in my early life I lost the ability to burp. I can remember having symptoms for many years now, but it’s only been in the last few years of me starting college and getting into my intended career field when this condition started to really affect my life negatively. My biggest symptoms were the gurgling frog noises, painful bloating, and painful hiccups.
I found out about this condition probably a year or two ago, and then finally after one particularly embarrassing experience with the gurgling noises I finally decided to try and start the process of getting the botox procedure. For more context I’m located in the state of Georgia and have Kaiser Health insurance.
So in December 2023 I saw a Primary Care Doctor in order to get a referral to an ENT. Thanks to this subreddit I knew how important it was that I saw an ENT and didn't get referred to a GI doctor. During this appointment I initially didn’t bring up RCPD because I had a feeling my doctor wouldn’t take a self diagnosis seriously. However after discussing my symptoms, (which she had a hilariously confused face when I explained my symptoms and exclaimed “Wow I’ve never had someone come to me with this issue before!”) she said she felt like it was likely a GI issue. So after hearing this I decided to bring up that I had done some online research, which she actually was incredibly receptive to and even encouraged me to share what I had found. I explained to her RCPD and watched her google the condition right in front of me, and after reading some webpages she was in agreement that this is likely what I had, and changed my referral to ENT!
On January 9th 2024 I had my ENT appointment, which was pretty straightforward. My Primary Care Doctor wrote in my referral about RCPD, so the ENT’s I met with had researched the condition before my appointment. They performed an endoscopy on me to make sure I didn’t have any other issues that could be causing my symptoms, but everything came back clean. Since they found no other issues that could be causing my symptoms, they were in agreement that I likely had RCPD. However the Kaiser ENT told me that they don’t perform the Botox procedure through their system of healthcare hospitals/offices, so they’d be writing me a referral to Dr. Andrew Tkaczuk at Emory University Hospital in Atlanta, GA. Even though I already knew about Dr. Tkaczuk through this subreddit, I’m glad I went through these 2 appointments with Kaiser first because it made the process of getting the botox procedure covered by Kaiser Insurance basically automatic.
On February 21st 2024 I had my first appointment at Emory with Dr. Tkaczuk. Once again this was pretty straightforward. I got another endoscopy which once again came back clean. He made sure I didn’t have any issues with acid reflux or heartburn, because in his experience the botox procedure can make those conditions worse. He also let me know that he’s performed this procedure over a hundred times now and never had any complications. I think he mentioned only having to redose maybe 3 patients when their first dose didn’t work. He did warn me that he mostly uses the botox procedure as a cure to bloating issues, as typically most of his patients don't go on to be world class belchers, but instead can burp just enough to relieve their symptoms of bloating and gas build up in the body. After going through all of the risks and potential side effects, I got the greenlight to get the botox procedure.
On April 12th 2024 I got my Botox procedure, and everything was incredibly easy! I showed up to Emory Hospital at 1pm and got taken back to pre-op by 1:30ish. I was not intubated since I am young and the procedure would only take around 30 minutes max, and they made sure to protect my teeth to prevent any damage that the instruments could cause. I underwent general anesthesia (Dr. Tkaczuk explained that he’s more comfortable doing the procedure under GA since the injection site is so close to vocal cords and other things that could be easily damaged if done under local) and was injected with 50 units of botox. I woke up and went home after the procedure with only a very minor sore throat. Dr. Tkaczuk warned me that I might not have any relief of my symptoms until 2 days after the procedure when the botox would likely begin to take effect. For the rest of my procedure day (Day 0) I only had a minor sore throat that eventually had gone away by bedtime.
Day 1 Post Botox Procedure I woke up and immediately drank some Sprite and Dr. Pepper, and luckily had no issues with any slow swallowing. I wasn’t getting my hopes up that I’d have any micro burps since I wasn’t 2 days post-op yet, but turns out I had nothing to worry about! Only a few hours after waking up I had my first micro-burp during a sneeze, and it only got more prevalent throughout the day. I naturally am a bit of a Dr. Pepper addict, so I was consuming fizzy drinks all day. The Dr. Pepper and Sprite gave me some occasional micro-burps, but eventually I drank a fizzy drink called “Guarana Antarctica” (A Brazilian soda similar tasting to Sprite which can be found at Brazilian grocery stores or Publix!) and that drink caused my burps to increase like crazy, so if you’re looking for a drink to induce your burps maybe try that! By night time I was practically micro-burping after every sip of a drink and even let out some quite large and quite nasty tasting burps. I also had at least 3 burps where I could feel acid come up through my nose a bit, which was definitely unpleasant but weirdly nice to experience because it told me that the procedure did its job! However all these burps were 100% uncontrollable. I did find that it was easier to get them out by turning my head to the side, but some just naturally came out while I was talking and I had no control to hold it back (I accidentally burped right in my aunt's face while talking to her!).
Day 3 Post Botox Procedure I started to get some very minor slow swallow side effects. I only experienced it when eating certain foods and luckily not with liquids. It didn’t really make it much harder to eat, I just had to wash down my bites with a drink every so often to make sure food didn’t get stuck in my throat. But otherwise my micro-burps continued as normal, but still were quite involuntary and I still didn’t have much control over them.
2 Weeks Post Botox Procedure not much has changed. I can still burp quite frequently, some sounding like loud real burps but most are just small releases of air. My slow swallow has pretty much gone away, sometimes I still need to chase some large bites of food down with liquid but it's not as bad as it was in the beginning. One thing I’ve noticed that is kind of annoying is I cant drink anything if I’m not sitting up completely straight, and if I lay down too quickly after sipping something the liquid will come right back up! I assume that my esophagus is just kind of always a little open right now which is causing this. The other day I did have what I’d consider a “burp attack” after drinking some Chick Fil A sweet tea. I was in class and literally could not stop burping, which was great for practice but none of these burps offered any release. I’d let out a burp but still feel like there was air trapped in my chest. This only ended after I stopped drinking the tea and drank some soda instead, overall it was pretty weird and so I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar. But so far I haven't noticed any painful bloating which has been great! I’ve explained the condition and procedure to all my friends, so whenever I’m hanging out with them they all encourage me with my burps which has been quite funny.
3 Weeks Post Botox Procedure my slow swallow symptoms are completely gone, and I’m experiencing full and natural burps when appropriate instead of small micro burps constantly through the day. I’m pretty sure I’ve learned how to burp at this point, but its hard to say until the botox really wears off. However I recently started experiencing a new and unpleasant side effect, which is throwing up a little bit in my mouth when I bend down too quickly. It’s only happened twice so far, but its very unpleasant, but I’m not super concerned since it’s likely just due to the muscle still being always slightly open. Another side effect is very jarring and painful burps that go up my nose after drinking soda. It’s really hard to describe but I’m sure anyone who has experienced it knows what I’m talking about. I’ve asked my non-RCPD family members if this is a normal thing and they all say that a burp like that happens very rarely, so I’m thinking it’ll go away soon.
5 Weeks Post Botox Procedure and all of my previous side effects have gone away! My burps are natural and happening at normal times still with the occasional burp when I sneeze. No more acid burps with soda, no more minor throwing up in my mouth when bending down. I was supposed to have a follow up appointment with Dr. T this week, but due to some scheduling conflicts I had to cancel it. However I’m pretty sure he would have given me a clean bill of health, and at least in my opinion I can pretty confidently say I’ve been cured of RCP-D! I’m pretty sure it’ll be another month or two before the botox fully wears off, so if something major changes I’ll update this post. But I think at this point it’s safe to say all of my side effects are gone, and my body has stabilized to its new normal!
Overall I am incredibly grateful for how easy this process was for me. I’m so thankful that I never dealt with any doctors not believing in my symptoms or the condition itself, and the fact that the botox kicked in so quickly and I had minimal side effects! Thanks for reading if you made it all the way down here, I hope this helps someone with their experience!
2024.05.20 07:05 LucyAriaRose Conclusion 10 months later: AITA for breaking my fiancé's family tradition by naming my son what I wanted?
I am STILL NOT the Original Poster. That is still . She posted in and .
You can read the previous BORU's here and here. New Update marked with ****\* Thanks to u/Choice_Evidence1983 and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for letting me know!
Trigger Warning: brief mention of murder
Mood Spoiler: happy ending
Original Post: April 16, 2023
Throwaway because I have in-laws on Reddit.
Myself (25F) and my fiancé (27M) have a 2 month old son. We are overjoyed at being parents, but most of my in-laws are refusing to even see our baby because of a decision we made concerning his name.
My in-laws have a tradition of giving the first-born son of every generation the same name. Let's say it's "Peter". This has been going on for about seven generations already, and they're very serious about it. My fiancé's eldest cousin was the latest person to get named Peter. Every one of his cousins has only had daughters so far, so our baby is the first son of his generation, and consequently should get the name.
I have no problem with the name Peter, and would've been okay with naming my son that. Unfortunately, that was also the name of my uncle, who died before I was born. I won't get into details, but it was tragic and traumatizing for my family. My father never got over losing his younger brother.
My grandmother asked the family not to name any of our future children Peter during her lifetime. My MIL and FIL knew about this promise, and at first seemed to not only be okay with us avoiding the name Peter, but also supportive of the one we chose.
However, my grandmother sadly passed away when I was 7 months pregnant. We traveled for her funeral. On our last days there, my in-laws called to offer me their condolences. Then my MIL asked me if I was willing to "think about the name Peter now."
Suddenly, they were insistent that the name we chose was awful and we had to honor their tradition. According to them, they had only agreed to make an exception for us for my grandmother's sake, and had no obligation to keep it now that she had passed.
My family agrees that while it's true we don't have to avoid the name anymore, it still doesn't feel right to use it. My fiancé agrees with me as well, but his parents spent the last weeks of my pregnancy trying to convince us to change our minds about the name.
When our baby was born and we named him what we wanted, my in-laws were furious that we had broken a 7-generation-old family tradition. Some of them hadn't previously wanted to name their sons Peter, but did it anyway for the family's sake. They said our decision was selfish, and that my family "should have moved on by now."
This has truly nothing to do with whether my family has moved on or not, it just felt like a betrayal to my grandmother and uncle's memories to even consider using the name.
My FIL offered us $1000 to change our son's name to Peter after he was born. That was two months ago, and neither of my fiancé's parents have met the baby or seen us since I was pregnant. Most of my in-laws are on their side, and this is causing a huge rift between my fiancé and his family. He assures me he's fine, but I'm starting to feel really guilty about this.
AITA?
EDIT: The tradition started, as far as I know, when OG Peter died and his son, also named Peter, named his firstborn after his father. Peter III ended up having the first son of the following generation, and did the same thing. That one died before having children, so his sister gave the name to her son, and so on. The name “Peter” is very common in my country, so none of them ever got bullied over it, and the fact that it was also my uncle’s name isn’t as unlikely as one might think.
Also, middle names aren’t used in my country. Most people get the maternal surname before the paternal one instead.
EDIT 2: It wasn't 1000 dollars. Different country, different currency. It's still a lot of money, but would probably translate to about 200 USD.
Relevant Comments:
Can you use Peter as a middle name?"
Our country/culture doesn't generally use middle names. If we did, I'd be willing to think about that, even though my son's name doesn't match "Peter"."
How many Peters are alive right now in your family???"
There are 3 living "Peters" in the family right now. Only the eldest (my fiancé's great uncle) actually goes by Peter. The other two have nicknames ("Pete", "Petey", etc)."
OOP is voted NTA
Update Post: May 24, 2023 (a bit over 1 month later)
(OOP's post was removed from AITA, and reposted on her profile. I'm using the date of the AITA post. Comments are also from AITA)
I posted this on AITA, but it got removed about an hour ago because I mentioned a violent encounter on an edit. I tried editing it out and getting it back up, but it didn't work. I'm posting here in case anyone still wants to read it.
Original
Thank you so much to everyone who commented and offered support. A lot has happened since I posted, so I thought I'd give you an update.
About a week after my post, my fiancé's parents contacted us. They apologized for their behavior, and begged to meet my son. They said they were ready to leave the naming debacle behind and truly wanted to be involved in their grandson's life.
We were skeptical, but invited them over to meet the baby. The visit went well. They began coming over almost every day during the next three weeks. I noticed neither of them ever called my son by his name, but I didn't point it out. For the first time in months, things seemed good between my fiancé and his parents.
One day, my fiancé was helping my FIL with something at our place, so my MIL and I went to the park with my baby. Some time later, I had to go to the bathroom, so I left him in the stroller with her.
When I got back, she was sitting on a park bench, chatting with a woman who was cooing over my son. I went over there and introduced myself as "(son's name)'s mom", and she said, "I thought his name was Peter."
I didn't say a word, and neither did my MIL. She followed me to the car and we went back to my apartment. On the way there, I texted my fiancé about what had happened. The moment we got there, he kicked both his parents out of our place.
He'd read my texts and confronted his father. Thankfully, my FIL is a terrible liar, and confessed immediately. Apparently, both my in-laws ONLY call my son Peter. That includes whenever they're talking about him, every time they introduce him to someone else, and even baby-talking to him on the few occasions they were left alone with him. Neither of them are embarrassed by this, and they both think they're in the right.
We're heartbroken. Especially my fiancé. Not only because his parents can't let go of their pride, but also because the name we chose for our son means a lot to us both.
I blame myself for encouraging my fiancé to allow them near our son. I was raised in a different city than all my grandparents, and always wished they could have been more involved in my life. Losing my grandmother didn't help. Pretty much every doubt I had only existed because I thought it would be important for my son to grow up with all of his grandparents around.
But now, all my guilt is gone. If they can't respect my son enough to call him by his name, they don't deserve to be in his life.
I hope they enjoyed the three weeks they had with their grandson. Because that's all they're getting until they get their heads out of their asses.
EDIT: I thought I'd clarify some things. First of all, I'm not comfortable sharing my son's name here, but I promise it's not a "yooneek" name or anything like that. It's perfectly normal and popular-ish in our country.
Secondly, I mentioned this in the comments, but while my family didn't try to dictate me on my son's name, they would never be comfortable with it. My uncle Peter passed almost three decades ago, but it forever changed everyone who knew him. My grandmother's wish might seem a bit irrational, but it was motivated entirely by grief and it didn't seem right to disrespect that just because she's not around anymore.
And to whoever PM'd me that my fiancé's only on my side to keep the peace, he didn't want to use the name either. Months before I got pregnant, he told me he hoped one of his cousins would have a son before we did, because he always hated the tradition and sympathized with my family. He's just as angry at his parents as I am, if not more. Also, most of his cousins and some other relatives have come around and apologized.
Relevant Comments:
Are they this unhinged in other areas of your life too?"
According to my fiancé, they've always been a little entitled, but I never really saw them enough to be able to say that. I will say that, though they were polite, they very clearly didn't care about me until we moved in together. My MIL pretended not to remember my name every time she saw me, and my FIL would lose interest in any conversations that weren't about him. Once it was clear me and my fiancé were in for long term, they started acting a lot more friendly towards me, but it never seemed sincere."
Have other family members come around yet?"
Most of my fiancé's cousins have come around, and his brother was always on our side. His grandmother and some of his aunts and uncles are with us too. His grandfather (divorced from his grandmother), two out of three living Peters (the two oldest) and pretty much everyone else are either still mad at us or haven't reached out to talk about it yet.
My entire family is on my side. They promised not to interfere in the naming process, but are relieved we didn't name him Peter."
One more note on the $1000 offered in the first post:
"And that's $1000 in MY country's currency. It roughly translates to $200USD." (note- OOP clarifies in a comment that she is Brazilian)
OOP drops this horrible bombshell about her uncle, the one who died before she was born:
"My uncle was murdered. My grandmother's request was motivated by trauma."
"Again; my family would be mostly fine with naming my son Peter. My dad and my aunt might have been uncomfortable, and my grandmother asked us all not to do so, but I wouldn't have been disowned if I had. It simply felt disrespectful, especially since my grandmother passed shortly before my son was born.
My uncle's death was traumatic for my family, but the name Peter is hugely common in my country."
Update Post 2: July 28, 2023 (3 months from first post)
My son is now 5 months old (almost six!). We're still NC with my fiancé's parents, who haven't seen us since May. We've both blocked them everywhere. His relatives who were on our side still are, and most of the ones who weren't haven't come around. If anything, they're even more pissed now.
I remember someone suggesting that my fiancé's family might stop using the name after we decided not to. Well, you were right. Last week, one of my fiancé's cousins announced she was pregnant with a boy. She included her baby's name in the announcement, and it's not Peter.
What followed was a string of aggressive Instagram DMs from both MIL and FIL. They both created accounts for the sole purpose of contacting me. I didn't see them until two days later. They sent me almost an hour worth of voice messages about how I'd "ruined their family".
They wish their son had never met me, that he'd see me for "who I truly am", and that I'd never gotten pregnant. Many of the messages ended with "I hope you're happy now", as if they thought they were getting the last word, only to think of something else they wanted to say. There was name calling, an accusation of me cheating, and the persistent refusal to refer to my son as their grandchild.
My fiancé and I listened to the messages together. He hadn't gotten any. As much as I tried to distance myself, I was in tears by the time it was all done. I still don't regret anything, specially after the stunt they pulled back in May, but I'm not completely free of the guilt yet. Not to mention their complete disregard for their grandson. I was already having an overwhelming week, and this just seemed like the final straw.
I must have spent close to an hour sobbing in my fiancé's arms. Once I was calmer, he unblocked his parents just to scream at them for a while. I only heard his side of the conversation, but it was more than enough. He finished the call by saying he didn't want to hear from them again.
We had a long talk afterwards. My fiancé opened up about the emotional blackmail by his family before and after my pregnancy. My in-laws were close to threatening him with anything they could if we didn't name our son Peter. I told him about my guilt, and how awful I feel for putting him through this. We reassured each other, cried a bit more, and had a mostly pleasant evening with our baby.
We contacted his cousin. The family is giving her shit for breaking the tradition again. They're being way less aggressive though, and I think many of my in-laws are finally learning to let go. We're not expecting any apologies anytime soon, but we'll be glad if they come.
Our wedding will be in September 2024, and whoever doesn't give us a sincere apology until then is uninvited. My fiancé's parents are banned either way. We came to that decision together.
Also, I'd like to address some comments on my previous update about how I was "letting my family's trauma win", or how the name wouldn't be hurtful now that my grandmother has passed.
I can't stress enough the damage my uncle's death caused. He was only 30 years old. He had a fiancée, a great career and his whole life ahead of him. I don't know many details about what happened, because I didn't want to upset my family by asking. My grandmother wasn't the only person hurt by this, my entire paternal family was. And if I remember correctly, the person responsible isn't even in jail anymore. It was more than 20 years ago, but the wound never truly closed.
So yeah, I think it's safe to say the tradition is over. The next Not-Peter will be here in January, right before my son's first birthday. It was never my intention for this to turn into such a shitstorm, but I'm so incredibly proud of my little family.
Thank you so much to everyone who shared their stories and offered advice during these last few months. I'll be forever grateful for all the support I got from y'all.
*****New Update Post: May 13, 2024 (13 months from OG post, about 10 from last post)****\*
Hey everyone, it's been a while. I hope you guys had a great Mother's Day!
I remember that last year, I promised myself I'd write a final update as soon as I felt calmer or felt the situation was closer to being solved. That actually happened months ago, but I've been busy lately.
Following my previous update, my fiancé's side of the family remained upset about the tradition being over for a few more months. They were way less intense about it, specially with the pregnant cousin I mentioned, but it was still evident.
That cousin's Not-Peter (almost a year later, I still can't think of a better term) was born in January. Our son turned one the next month. I think the fact that these two things happened so close together helped many of my in-laws let go of the tradition.
We got a few apologies we weren't expecting. Some of them were sincere enough that we slowly started reestablishing contact.
My fiancé's parents were not among those who apologized. We haven't spoken to either of them since last July. From what I've heard from some of his other relatives, however, MIL seems regretful. She has told some of them that she wishes she could be part of her grandson's life, and wonders if making his name a hill to die on was a bad decision. FIL, from what I gather, barely acknowledges my baby exists.
My fiancé knows about how his mother feels, but he says he doesn't care. And even if we did get an apology, I don't think either of us can forgive his parents. As much as we're mostly okay now, it sometimes feels like their treatment of our family ruined the first few months of our baby's life. I know that's not actually true, but I don't want them around my child.
Besides all that, things have been great. My son is 15 months old now, which I don't think I'll ever really get used to. He recently started drawing and has been expanding his vocabulary. He said "mamãe" first, by the way.
My fiancé and I are still getting married in September. We're thinking about moving abroad in a couple years (for work reasons), but we're not sure yet. We also recently got a dog (sadly, we didn't name him Peter).
This will be my final update. Whatever guilt I had about this situation a year ago is completely gone, and my life has been peaceful enough that it feels safe to say the shitshow is over.
Hugo, if you ever find this, you are the most fantastic thing that has ever happened to us. Thank you for letting me be your mom.
Thank you, Reddit, for all the love, advice and support you've given me this past year.
Relevant Comment:
Commenter: Whilst this may be your final update on the naming sage, you said you are getting married in September 2024 and MiL&FiL aren't going to be invited.
Prepare for more craziness from them at that time and good luck :)
submitted by LucyAriaRose to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
You can read the previous BORU's here and here. New Update marked with ****\* Thanks to u/Choice_Evidence1983 and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for letting me know!
Trigger Warning: brief mention of murder
Mood Spoiler: happy ending
Original Post: April 16, 2023
Throwaway because I have in-laws on Reddit.
Myself (25F) and my fiancé (27M) have a 2 month old son. We are overjoyed at being parents, but most of my in-laws are refusing to even see our baby because of a decision we made concerning his name.
My in-laws have a tradition of giving the first-born son of every generation the same name. Let's say it's "Peter". This has been going on for about seven generations already, and they're very serious about it. My fiancé's eldest cousin was the latest person to get named Peter. Every one of his cousins has only had daughters so far, so our baby is the first son of his generation, and consequently should get the name.
I have no problem with the name Peter, and would've been okay with naming my son that. Unfortunately, that was also the name of my uncle, who died before I was born. I won't get into details, but it was tragic and traumatizing for my family. My father never got over losing his younger brother.
My grandmother asked the family not to name any of our future children Peter during her lifetime. My MIL and FIL knew about this promise, and at first seemed to not only be okay with us avoiding the name Peter, but also supportive of the one we chose.
However, my grandmother sadly passed away when I was 7 months pregnant. We traveled for her funeral. On our last days there, my in-laws called to offer me their condolences. Then my MIL asked me if I was willing to "think about the name Peter now."
Suddenly, they were insistent that the name we chose was awful and we had to honor their tradition. According to them, they had only agreed to make an exception for us for my grandmother's sake, and had no obligation to keep it now that she had passed.
My family agrees that while it's true we don't have to avoid the name anymore, it still doesn't feel right to use it. My fiancé agrees with me as well, but his parents spent the last weeks of my pregnancy trying to convince us to change our minds about the name.
When our baby was born and we named him what we wanted, my in-laws were furious that we had broken a 7-generation-old family tradition. Some of them hadn't previously wanted to name their sons Peter, but did it anyway for the family's sake. They said our decision was selfish, and that my family "should have moved on by now."
This has truly nothing to do with whether my family has moved on or not, it just felt like a betrayal to my grandmother and uncle's memories to even consider using the name.
My FIL offered us $1000 to change our son's name to Peter after he was born. That was two months ago, and neither of my fiancé's parents have met the baby or seen us since I was pregnant. Most of my in-laws are on their side, and this is causing a huge rift between my fiancé and his family. He assures me he's fine, but I'm starting to feel really guilty about this.
AITA?
EDIT: The tradition started, as far as I know, when OG Peter died and his son, also named Peter, named his firstborn after his father. Peter III ended up having the first son of the following generation, and did the same thing. That one died before having children, so his sister gave the name to her son, and so on. The name “Peter” is very common in my country, so none of them ever got bullied over it, and the fact that it was also my uncle’s name isn’t as unlikely as one might think.
Also, middle names aren’t used in my country. Most people get the maternal surname before the paternal one instead.
EDIT 2: It wasn't 1000 dollars. Different country, different currency. It's still a lot of money, but would probably translate to about 200 USD.
Relevant Comments:
Can you use Peter as a middle name?"
Our country/culture doesn't generally use middle names. If we did, I'd be willing to think about that, even though my son's name doesn't match "Peter"."
How many Peters are alive right now in your family???"
There are 3 living "Peters" in the family right now. Only the eldest (my fiancé's great uncle) actually goes by Peter. The other two have nicknames ("Pete", "Petey", etc)."
OOP is voted NTA
Update Post: May 24, 2023 (a bit over 1 month later)
(OOP's post was removed from AITA, and reposted on her profile. I'm using the date of the AITA post. Comments are also from AITA)
I posted this on AITA, but it got removed about an hour ago because I mentioned a violent encounter on an edit. I tried editing it out and getting it back up, but it didn't work. I'm posting here in case anyone still wants to read it.
Original
Thank you so much to everyone who commented and offered support. A lot has happened since I posted, so I thought I'd give you an update.
About a week after my post, my fiancé's parents contacted us. They apologized for their behavior, and begged to meet my son. They said they were ready to leave the naming debacle behind and truly wanted to be involved in their grandson's life.
We were skeptical, but invited them over to meet the baby. The visit went well. They began coming over almost every day during the next three weeks. I noticed neither of them ever called my son by his name, but I didn't point it out. For the first time in months, things seemed good between my fiancé and his parents.
One day, my fiancé was helping my FIL with something at our place, so my MIL and I went to the park with my baby. Some time later, I had to go to the bathroom, so I left him in the stroller with her.
When I got back, she was sitting on a park bench, chatting with a woman who was cooing over my son. I went over there and introduced myself as "(son's name)'s mom", and she said, "I thought his name was Peter."
I didn't say a word, and neither did my MIL. She followed me to the car and we went back to my apartment. On the way there, I texted my fiancé about what had happened. The moment we got there, he kicked both his parents out of our place.
He'd read my texts and confronted his father. Thankfully, my FIL is a terrible liar, and confessed immediately. Apparently, both my in-laws ONLY call my son Peter. That includes whenever they're talking about him, every time they introduce him to someone else, and even baby-talking to him on the few occasions they were left alone with him. Neither of them are embarrassed by this, and they both think they're in the right.
We're heartbroken. Especially my fiancé. Not only because his parents can't let go of their pride, but also because the name we chose for our son means a lot to us both.
I blame myself for encouraging my fiancé to allow them near our son. I was raised in a different city than all my grandparents, and always wished they could have been more involved in my life. Losing my grandmother didn't help. Pretty much every doubt I had only existed because I thought it would be important for my son to grow up with all of his grandparents around.
But now, all my guilt is gone. If they can't respect my son enough to call him by his name, they don't deserve to be in his life.
I hope they enjoyed the three weeks they had with their grandson. Because that's all they're getting until they get their heads out of their asses.
EDIT: I thought I'd clarify some things. First of all, I'm not comfortable sharing my son's name here, but I promise it's not a "yooneek" name or anything like that. It's perfectly normal and popular-ish in our country.
Secondly, I mentioned this in the comments, but while my family didn't try to dictate me on my son's name, they would never be comfortable with it. My uncle Peter passed almost three decades ago, but it forever changed everyone who knew him. My grandmother's wish might seem a bit irrational, but it was motivated entirely by grief and it didn't seem right to disrespect that just because she's not around anymore.
And to whoever PM'd me that my fiancé's only on my side to keep the peace, he didn't want to use the name either. Months before I got pregnant, he told me he hoped one of his cousins would have a son before we did, because he always hated the tradition and sympathized with my family. He's just as angry at his parents as I am, if not more. Also, most of his cousins and some other relatives have come around and apologized.
Relevant Comments:
Are they this unhinged in other areas of your life too?"
According to my fiancé, they've always been a little entitled, but I never really saw them enough to be able to say that. I will say that, though they were polite, they very clearly didn't care about me until we moved in together. My MIL pretended not to remember my name every time she saw me, and my FIL would lose interest in any conversations that weren't about him. Once it was clear me and my fiancé were in for long term, they started acting a lot more friendly towards me, but it never seemed sincere."
Have other family members come around yet?"
Most of my fiancé's cousins have come around, and his brother was always on our side. His grandmother and some of his aunts and uncles are with us too. His grandfather (divorced from his grandmother), two out of three living Peters (the two oldest) and pretty much everyone else are either still mad at us or haven't reached out to talk about it yet.
My entire family is on my side. They promised not to interfere in the naming process, but are relieved we didn't name him Peter."
One more note on the $1000 offered in the first post:
"And that's $1000 in MY country's currency. It roughly translates to $200USD." (note- OOP clarifies in a comment that she is Brazilian)
OOP drops this horrible bombshell about her uncle, the one who died before she was born:
"My uncle was murdered. My grandmother's request was motivated by trauma."
"Again; my family would be mostly fine with naming my son Peter. My dad and my aunt might have been uncomfortable, and my grandmother asked us all not to do so, but I wouldn't have been disowned if I had. It simply felt disrespectful, especially since my grandmother passed shortly before my son was born.
My uncle's death was traumatic for my family, but the name Peter is hugely common in my country."
Update Post 2: July 28, 2023 (3 months from first post)
My son is now 5 months old (almost six!). We're still NC with my fiancé's parents, who haven't seen us since May. We've both blocked them everywhere. His relatives who were on our side still are, and most of the ones who weren't haven't come around. If anything, they're even more pissed now.
I remember someone suggesting that my fiancé's family might stop using the name after we decided not to. Well, you were right. Last week, one of my fiancé's cousins announced she was pregnant with a boy. She included her baby's name in the announcement, and it's not Peter.
What followed was a string of aggressive Instagram DMs from both MIL and FIL. They both created accounts for the sole purpose of contacting me. I didn't see them until two days later. They sent me almost an hour worth of voice messages about how I'd "ruined their family".
They wish their son had never met me, that he'd see me for "who I truly am", and that I'd never gotten pregnant. Many of the messages ended with "I hope you're happy now", as if they thought they were getting the last word, only to think of something else they wanted to say. There was name calling, an accusation of me cheating, and the persistent refusal to refer to my son as their grandchild.
My fiancé and I listened to the messages together. He hadn't gotten any. As much as I tried to distance myself, I was in tears by the time it was all done. I still don't regret anything, specially after the stunt they pulled back in May, but I'm not completely free of the guilt yet. Not to mention their complete disregard for their grandson. I was already having an overwhelming week, and this just seemed like the final straw.
I must have spent close to an hour sobbing in my fiancé's arms. Once I was calmer, he unblocked his parents just to scream at them for a while. I only heard his side of the conversation, but it was more than enough. He finished the call by saying he didn't want to hear from them again.
We had a long talk afterwards. My fiancé opened up about the emotional blackmail by his family before and after my pregnancy. My in-laws were close to threatening him with anything they could if we didn't name our son Peter. I told him about my guilt, and how awful I feel for putting him through this. We reassured each other, cried a bit more, and had a mostly pleasant evening with our baby.
We contacted his cousin. The family is giving her shit for breaking the tradition again. They're being way less aggressive though, and I think many of my in-laws are finally learning to let go. We're not expecting any apologies anytime soon, but we'll be glad if they come.
Our wedding will be in September 2024, and whoever doesn't give us a sincere apology until then is uninvited. My fiancé's parents are banned either way. We came to that decision together.
Also, I'd like to address some comments on my previous update about how I was "letting my family's trauma win", or how the name wouldn't be hurtful now that my grandmother has passed.
I can't stress enough the damage my uncle's death caused. He was only 30 years old. He had a fiancée, a great career and his whole life ahead of him. I don't know many details about what happened, because I didn't want to upset my family by asking. My grandmother wasn't the only person hurt by this, my entire paternal family was. And if I remember correctly, the person responsible isn't even in jail anymore. It was more than 20 years ago, but the wound never truly closed.
So yeah, I think it's safe to say the tradition is over. The next Not-Peter will be here in January, right before my son's first birthday. It was never my intention for this to turn into such a shitstorm, but I'm so incredibly proud of my little family.
Thank you so much to everyone who shared their stories and offered advice during these last few months. I'll be forever grateful for all the support I got from y'all.
*****New Update Post: May 13, 2024 (13 months from OG post, about 10 from last post)****\*
Hey everyone, it's been a while. I hope you guys had a great Mother's Day!
I remember that last year, I promised myself I'd write a final update as soon as I felt calmer or felt the situation was closer to being solved. That actually happened months ago, but I've been busy lately.
Following my previous update, my fiancé's side of the family remained upset about the tradition being over for a few more months. They were way less intense about it, specially with the pregnant cousin I mentioned, but it was still evident.
That cousin's Not-Peter (almost a year later, I still can't think of a better term) was born in January. Our son turned one the next month. I think the fact that these two things happened so close together helped many of my in-laws let go of the tradition.
We got a few apologies we weren't expecting. Some of them were sincere enough that we slowly started reestablishing contact.
My fiancé's parents were not among those who apologized. We haven't spoken to either of them since last July. From what I've heard from some of his other relatives, however, MIL seems regretful. She has told some of them that she wishes she could be part of her grandson's life, and wonders if making his name a hill to die on was a bad decision. FIL, from what I gather, barely acknowledges my baby exists.
My fiancé knows about how his mother feels, but he says he doesn't care. And even if we did get an apology, I don't think either of us can forgive his parents. As much as we're mostly okay now, it sometimes feels like their treatment of our family ruined the first few months of our baby's life. I know that's not actually true, but I don't want them around my child.
Besides all that, things have been great. My son is 15 months old now, which I don't think I'll ever really get used to. He recently started drawing and has been expanding his vocabulary. He said "mamãe" first, by the way.
My fiancé and I are still getting married in September. We're thinking about moving abroad in a couple years (for work reasons), but we're not sure yet. We also recently got a dog (sadly, we didn't name him Peter).
This will be my final update. Whatever guilt I had about this situation a year ago is completely gone, and my life has been peaceful enough that it feels safe to say the shitshow is over.
Hugo, if you ever find this, you are the most fantastic thing that has ever happened to us. Thank you for letting me be your mom.
Thank you, Reddit, for all the love, advice and support you've given me this past year.
Relevant Comment:
Commenter: Whilst this may be your final update on the naming sage, you said you are getting married in September 2024 and MiL&FiL aren't going to be invited.
Prepare for more craziness from them at that time and good luck :)
OOP: I really do think this is over. My fiancé's parents don't know when or where we're getting married, so I'm not worried about them showing up. They haven't reached out to us in months, and we have no interest in contacting them.