My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years and have decided we are ready to have a baby together. This might seem early in the relationship, however, I have been with my fair share of bad boyfriends and I know this one is the one and we will make good parents together. We actually really wanted to have a baby together within the first year however we decided to be responsible as we weren’t living together, didn’t have much money saved and just knew it wasn’t the right time. We are now both 25, we have a house together, have enough savings and feel it is absolutely the right time. We have worked hard to get to this place and are very excited for the next step. Not only are we excited to actually start a family but I have always dreamed about telling my family and how excited they will be. I was also extremely excited to tell my boyfriends family as he is the oldest and our baby would make his parents grandparents for the first time. When I first met my boyfriends Dad, he asked when the grandkids were coming, telling us he couldn’t wait to be a grandpa. He also got out his phone and showed us a video of a gender reveal involving a truck blowing the coloured smoke out of the pipes and told us this is what we would do when we had a gender reveal one day (he is a very proud truck driver from a long line of truck drivers). My boyfriend and I laughed and said that was cool and we will do it one day. Every time we rang my boyfriends Dad as he lives 5 hours away, he would always ask when his grandchildren are coming.
Fast forward a year. My boyfriend and I were still trying to conceive with no luck yet, we knew it wouldn’t happen over night. However, one night we receive a facetime phone call from my boyfriends Dad. He is sitting beside my boyfriends younger brother, we’ll call him Tom, who is 22 and says ‘guess what’. Tom then holds up a new born onesie and says ‘we’re having a baby’.
My heart sinks. And this is where all of my ugly, angry, sad emotions begin. I would also just like to disclose before I go on, that I KNOW I should not feel this way, but it’s just the way I do feel.
My boyfriends younger brother Tom has been with his girlfriend for 4 months, we’ll call her Sarah. She has an 18month old baby with someone else and doesn’t work to take care of this child. Tom lives next door to his Dad and step mom in a rental with 2x of his step brothers, absolute bachelor pad. They all work in the truck yard down the road and smoke bongs in the shed every night. Sarah moved in to the house with her child as soon as she met Tom and sure enough now she is pregnant with his child. Tom is always broke, asking my boyfriend for money all the time. He is constantly caught short for rent, which isn’t even that much considering it is split 3 ways. Tom drives a two door v8 Ute which is his pride and joy, which he will now have to sell to get a family friendly car.
My boyfriend is happy for his brother, yet I feel crushed. I want to feel happy for them.
A few months later, my boyfriend and I took some time off work to visit his dads side of the family (his parents are split). We drove 5 hours to come and stay with them as my boyfriend doesn’t see them very often. Whilst we were up there we met Sarah for the first time and her child from her previous relationship. Sarah, Tom and the child had moved into a slightly bigger ‘bar’ room out the back of the bachelor house and it was absolutely trashed. They are sleeping on a mattress with no sheets, there is clothes, toys, empty food containers, dishes, rubbish covering the floor and surfaces. Tom simply remarked ‘when you have kids, you’ll understand’. I get that, having kids is hard and messy but this was beyond that, and, Sarah doesn’t work she is home all day every day. My boyfriend commented that Tom use to be a neat freak which I found hard to believe.
Whilst we were up there it seemed all everyone could talk about is this baby. Sarah was also constantly leaving her other child with various of Tom’s family members and just going to bed. My boyfriend and Tom’s stepmum quietly said to me that she is constantly left with the child whose nappy is always full. I spent some time with Sarah who mentioned to me that she happened to fall pregnant and asked Tom if he wanted to keep it or if she should abort it. My boyfriend and I had argued over whether we thought it was a planned baby or not, my boyfriend insisting it was planned. Obviously not.
Sarah also began discussing with us that she and Tom were going to do a gender reveal. She then explained that they were going to do the same truck idea that my boyfriends Dad had showed us. I made an excuse to leave the room and I burst into tears. This made me feel like his Dad didn’t actually care if my boyfriend and I had a baby, he just wanted a grandchild no matter where it came from, and Tom did it first. Whilst we were staying with my boyfriends Dad, we also saw so many fights unfold in front of us between Tom and Sarah. Yes couples fight but they were screaming at each other, in front of the 18 month old and getting in each others faces. A very healthy thing for a couple about to be a family of 4. Not long after this trip, Tom and Sarah announced the pregnancy on Facebook and all of my boyfriends family commented on there how excited they were and how Tom is a ‘clever’ boy as there will be 5 generations since Tom and my boyfriends great grandparents are still alive. I again tried to feel happy for them but this was stifled by my feeling of anger. Since day one of meeting my boyfriend I had always put in a HUGE effort to not only meet my boyfriends family but we travelled immensely to meet all sides of family as he has family all over the place. His mum and her partner live away and we often spent lots of weekends with them which was not easy at all as his mum is addicted to hard drugs and my boyfriend is the only family member that still speaks to her. We also travelled 4 hours multiple times to stay with his grand father and visit cousins. We travelled 3 hours on Christmas Eve to spend Christmas with his cousins family and recently we travelled another 6 hour round trip to spend the day with his Nanna who is sick. Family is very important to me and also my boyfriend so I always made a huge effort to visit them with him. This is what has bothered me almost the most, my boyfriend and I have made such an effort with his family, yet, all they can talk about is Tom and Sarah having a baby. Tom and Sarah have not made nearly as much effort as us to meet any family, Sarah has met Tom’s dad and brother (my boyfriend) and that’s it. Everytime my boyfriend speaks to one of his relatives it’s always ‘isn’t it so exciting, not long now’.
A few months after this, my boyfriend and I had a triumph - we were pregnant! Followed by heart ache, an early miscarriage.
I spoke to my family who were extremely supportive and my boyfriend told his who were supportive at the time but just told us to ‘keep trying’. No one has spoken about it since, which is okay, but, I am not okay. Whilst I was feeling so hurt and upset before, it is now millions times worse. I have had good days, and bad days. One of my worst days was recently when Sarah invited us to her baby shower. My boyfriend came home from work and said ‘we’ll have to book some time off work since it’s on the Saturday and we have to travel’. We then got into an argument as I was so hurt that he just assumed I was okay to go to it. After a few days of thought I realised how important it was to my boyfriend and I had to push my feelings aside. I’m still so frustrated though because aside from all of my pain, I KNOW they would not travel 5 hours and take time off work to go to our baby shower if we had one.
So the baby shower is in 2 weeks and I’m still having the same ugly, angry, sad, disgusting thoughts swirling around my head.
Why do they get to have a baby within 4 monts of knowing each other, completely unprepared, no money, no vehicle, no house, no nothing? They didn’t plan this, she just let herself get pregnant or they were so careless not to use protection. My boyfriend and I could’ve gotten pregnant within the first months of dating but we’re not that stupid and irresponsible. My boyfriends stepbrother has moved out of the house and is living in a shed so that Sarah and Tom have more room to have a baby which I think is so completely unfair. And now the other stepbrother that lives there will have an 18month old and a new born in his house which he never signed up for. Tom and Sarah have just gotten pregnant and not thought about anyone else or how this effects anyone else. My boyfriend and I have worked long, hard hours to save for our dream and yet we’re here watching it unfold for someone else whilst we deal with the heart ache of getting so close and losing it. I work in disability which is extremely mentally draining and my boyfriend is a diesel mechanic which is physical and hard. Sarah doesn’t work, yes she takes care of her child yet they’re living in filth and she manages to palm him off most of the time anyway. Tom is a casual at his work and spends most of his pay check on weed and smokes every night. Yet, the entire family thinks they are so incredible and wow! They’re having a baby! I feel so cheated, I feel like it should be us, and I know that’s so incredibly selfish but we couldn’t have planned this more if we tried yet they simply didn’t use protection and get to live out our dream.
I’m wondering how on earth I am going to manage to get through this damn baby shower and I would love to know peoples thoughts on this, but please, be kind 😭

Hello.
This is Don Sees Your Shaydim. It's been a while.
Long-Winded Intro:
Ever sit through one of those 40 minute long ads by Whitney Tilson because you wanted to know what the fucking fuck the secret Tesla pr Apple supplier is, only to find that there’s no big reveal at the end? Instead, you’re asked to subscribe to an unaffordable newsletter. (These ads can’t be fast-forwarded!). The thing about these ads is you can figure out who these “secret” companies are, and it’s not hard. When I used to have time, I’d reverse engineer the latest 20-minute Motley Fool ad to discover the secret 5g stock, or the secret EV battery tech that will change the world.
I don’t have time like I used to. During the pandemic, I “worked” at home, which meant I spent my days yoloing into spacs and deconstructing stuff like Motley Fool and Stansberry Research reports for their stock picks. The good news is there are some devoted investors out there who have made it their jobs to take apart ads and reveal secret stocks.
If you’re looking for some plays, here are the results—the revealed stocks—from some recently reverse-engineered ads. The folks who did all this great work are Travis Johnson, who runs a fantastic online magazine called Stock Gumshoe. It is the only magazine I am subscribed to, and have been since 2020. I get a lot—if not most—of my investment ideas from Stock Gumshoe. Every single trade or investment idea that I’ve had from Gumshoe has been successful. Every single one. Every trade I’ve made because of shit I heard on YouTube has been a turd. I’m pumping this magazine because it works.
Alongside of Travis Johnson, we have Dylan Rieger. Just like Johnson, Rieger reverse-engineers ads, but on YouTube. He is prolific. His videos are roughly 10 minutes long, and they’re packed with well-curated information on each of the companies he reveals. If you’re thinking, “Why would I read a web magazine if I could just watch youtube videos?” Rieger’s videos are excellent, but Travis’s writing… he will teach you how to think. “But I don’t need to change the way I think about the market.” If you’re still fucking reading this, then chances are you suck at trading and investing. (I can already feel one or two of you typing, “Actually, ….”)
Below you will find a list of secret stocks that Johnson and Rieger revealed. I’ve listed the author of the newsletter or ad, the title of the article or presentation, the revealed stock, and relevant information. I figured that if I’ve had success this way, you might too. I like my wife’s feet, incidentally. I think they’re pretty.
Let me reiterate—I have been successful when I’ve used these sources as a starting point for a possible trade or investment. I’m a moron, however. I don’t stick with what works. I’m more likely to yolo into some garbage I heard about from a twenty-year old on YouTube. I said earlier that if you’re reading this, you probably suck at the market. But you’re probably way better than the person who wrote this. I address myself in third-person. I also like it when she wears tube socks and Doc Mertens.
Dylan Rieger's YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@dylanrieger7651
Travis Johnson's Stock Gumshoe: https://www.stockgumshoe.com/

Secret Stocks Revealed, May 2024
Dylan Jovine. “The New Space Race: 3 AI Stocks for Windfall Gains.” From Behind the Markets newsletter, which is currently listed at $49/yr. This focuses on defense industry AI-powered satellites, particularly speculations about defense contracts with the US Space Force. He teases several stocks, but the primary secret stock is BigBear (BBAI). BigBear has partnerships with Amazon AWS (AMZN), Palantir (PLTR), and L3Harris (LHX). Travis Johnson, whom I get almost all my info from, sees this BigBear speculation as a stretch. I agree. If BBAI does in fact get the Space Force contract: tendies. Jovine also pitches a backdoor way to get a stake in SpaceX, which is not publicly traded. The “backdoors” are the Private Shares Fund (PRIVX) and Destiny Tech 100 ETF (DXYZ). SpaceX constitutes about 35% of DXYZ. Jovine’s third stock—which is allegedly NASA’s secret AI chipmaker—is Arm Holdings (ARM).
Jason Williams. “The Exxon Slayer: The Small Firm Pioneering the Future of American Lithium.” Future Giants newsletter, which will cost you fucking $2,000. The secret stock is Standard Lithium (SLI). Totally worth a $2,000 subscription.
Shah Gilani. “Nvidia’s Secret Partner.” From Manward Monthly Report. The secret stock is Astera Labs (ALAB).
“This Tiny Canadian AI Stock Could Be the Next Nvidia.” Motley Fool Stock Advisor Canada. The secret stock: Docebo (DCBO). The company is in the e-learning realm, offering a cloud-supported platform for employee training and the like. This is not even remotely close to being Nvidia, but the company itself looks promising within its own sector.
Gerardo Del Real. “Trade of the Decade.” From Junior Resource Speculator, which is priced reasonably low—compared to Superbowl tickets or Berkshire Hathaway stock—at $2,000/yr. The secret stock is Kingsmen Resources (KNGRF). You really out to check out Travis Johnson’s reverse engineering of Del Real’s ad, and maybe consider subscribing to Stock Gumshoe, where he breaks down all sort of ads. He’s one of the best writers in this space. I have a fucking PhD. English. I hate everyone’s writing. Not his. He—Travis—also enlightens readers to similar stocks and stakeholders in that sector: Cameco (CCJ), GoGold Resources (GLDGF), Ivanhoe Mines (IVPAF), Abacus Mining (ABCFF), Cosa Resources (COSAF), Fission Uranium (FCUUF), Skyharbour Resources (SYHBF), EnCore Energy (EU), Uranium Energy Corp (UEC), Sprott Uranium Miners (URNM), Sprott Junior Uranium Miners (URNJ), Perpetual Resources (PPTA), Standard Uranium (STTD), Filo Mining (FLMMF)
Ross Givens. “Live Action War Room.” From Wall Street Watch Dogs. This ad was formerly called "The $3 AI Wonder Stock that Could Make You 75X Richer?" but was repackaged as The No. 1 AI Stock Opportunity of the Decade (Surprise: Only $6)” The secret stock is SoundHound AI (SOUN). Note: They are also pitching alongside of “The $3 AI …” “The Top Five Stocks Set to Soar in 2024.” These include Calix (CALX), SolarEdge (SEDG), Desktop Metals (DM), Adobe (ADBE), and Snowflake (SNOW).
Whitney Tilson and Porter Stansberry. “How I Cut My Salary to $1, Then Pocketed a Million Dollars in One Day With America’s New Money.” Stansberry Research. These ads don’t have clearly defined titles. This one covers a “secret US currency” otherwise called, “America’s New Money.” This is from Stansberry’s Investment Advisory. This is a weird pitch; basically, they’re suggesting that instead of buying stocks that trade on an exchange, you should buy the stock representing the exchange itself. The secret stock is CME Group (CME), otherwise known as the Chicago Mercantile Exchange. In Travis Johnson’s breakdown, he lists other publicly traded exchanges: Chicago Board Options Exchange (CBOE), Intercontinental Exchange (ICE), Nasdaq (NDAQ), MarketAxess Holdings (MKTX). In fact, here is his whole list: Euronext (EUXTF or ENRXY in the US), London Stock Exchange (LNSTY or LDNXF in the US), Australian Stock Exchange ASX (ASXFY, or ASXFF), São Paulo Stock Exchange Brazil (BOLSY), the Bolsa Mexicana (BOMXF), Over The Counter Markets OTC (OTCM)
Jason Simpkins. “Project Wingman.” From Secret Stock Files, which would cost you $1,999/yr. Military aircraft: Simpkins asserts that this defense contractor, Kratos (KTOS), has a “vice grip on next-generation technology that will render most of its competitors’ assets completely obsolete.” Project wingman involves using AI on fighter planes.
Keith Kohl. “The Undiscovered Tech Company Behind the Coming Trio-Fuel 238 Revolution.” Energy Investor newsletter currently listed at $99 yr. at basic level. Nuclear energy tech that’s apparently cleaner, safer, and more efficient than convention Uranium 238 tech. The secret stock is Lightbridge (LTBR).
Ray Blanco. “Did I Just Find the Hidden Cure to Cancer?” From Catalyst Trader, which would cost you $1000. The secret stock is Exscientia (EXAI). Dylan Rieger also notes that Alexander Green, another “famous” stock picker with an expensive newsletter, made EXAI the secret stock in focus for his “This Will Be the #1 Performing AI Stock of the Coming Decade” report.
Adam Odell. “Special Report #1: The AI Growth Engine” from the 10X Stocks newsletter, which is currently $995 yr. This is from the AI Power Summit, with 3 stocks “positioned to solve the AI energy problem.” The main stock is NuScale (SMR), which builds small modular nuclear reactors. The additional stocks are Centrus Energy (LEU), and Sprott Physical Uranium Trust (SRUUF).
Jason Williams. “The Tesla Killer is Here.” Wealth Advisors newsletter. Pitching “blue gas,” which is hydrogen fuel cells. The stock is Ballard Power (BLDP)
Alex Koyfman. “Lithium Volcano: Tapping the World’s Biggest Lithium Reserve.” The Crows Nest newsletter. 1 year membership is currently listed at 99$. The stock is Lithium Americas (LAC), who has a $650 million deal with GM.
Ian King. “AI Energy” presentation. Membership is currently $79. The stock is AMD (AMD)
Louis Navellier. “The Trump AI Boom: 3 Data Center Stocks with 100X Potential” and “The Second Wave of AI Comes in November.” From Growth Investor. The stocks are Innodata (INOD), Data Storage Corporation (DTST), and Applied Digital (APLD).
Luke Lango. “Elon Musk’s ChatGPT Could Soon Mint New Millionaires.” Innovation Investors Magazine, which is currently listed as on sale for $49/yr. The stock is Taiwan Semiconductor (TSM).
Luke Lango. “The Next Nvidia.” Investor Place. The stock is Lam Research (LRCX).
[Jason Williams. “The Exxon Slayer: The Small Firm Pioneering the Future of American Lithium.” Future Giants newsletter, which will cost you fucking $2,000. The secret stock is Standard Lithium (SLI). Totally work a $2,000 subscription.]()
Shah Gilani. “Nvidia’s Secret Partner.” From Manward Monthly Report. The secret stock is Astera Labs (ALAB).

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Kitchen_Earth7954
Originally posted to AmItheAsshole + their own page
Previous BoRU originally posted by u/KittenDealinMama
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: AITA for telling my wife that I’m tired of raising a kid that is not mine + 1 year UPDATE
Trigger Warnings: possible domestic violence, possible financial abuse, possible divorce
RECAP
Original Post - May 19, 2023
I (31m) am married to my wife Amber (30f) we have a daughter Emma(7f) the problem is my wife’s best friend Jennifer (30f) has a daughter as well Harper (7f) well Harpers dad is a lazy sack of crap and refuses to do anything with his daughter. He is the type of guy that brags about how he never changed a diaper.
Jennifer and Harper are usually at Amber and my house on the weekends because Harper’s dad is drinking and watching sports all weekend. On Saturdays I normally sped all day with my daughter because I don’t see her as much as i want to during the week. However with Harper being there every Saturday anything I do with Emma I have to do with Harper. Take Emma to the zoo it’s Emma, Harper and I. Taught them both how to ride bikes, takes them both to dance class, take them both to the kids salon, and so on.
Mother’s Day was the last draw, I took them both to dance class Saturday morning ( Amber and I also pay for both dance classes because dead beet won’t) on the way home Emma asked if we could stop to get something for mom for Mother’s Day, I said sure but then it ended up I had to buy something for Harper to her her mom as well. On the way home I just kept thinking why am I buying someone else’s wife a Mother’s Day gift, that’s his job.
A few days later (because I did not want to ruin Mother’s Day) I told my wife that I am tired of raising Harper, her real father needs to step up. I tired of it taking away time I get to spend with Emma. She said that Jennifer is her best friend and we need to be there for Harper.
Now she is not speaking to me and sleeping in the guest bedroom. So AITA?
Just wanted to add some updates to questions I see.
Emma and Harper are best friends.
It was my idea to spend Saturday with Emma, I work more during the week so I wanted to spend Saturday with Emma and to give my wife a bit of a break.
We pay for things be Jennifer’s husband thinks it’s a waste on money to pay for dance class and Jennifer can’t afford to pay by herself.
Jennifer and Harper do things with Amber and Emma 1 or 2 times a week together during the weeknights.
VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE
Comments

where’s Harper’s mom in all this?

OOP: Just hanging out at our place, Harper started to come along because I thought it would be mean to take her friend and not her. At the start it was not all the time like it is now

So your wife probably enjoys hanging out childfree with her friend every weekend. If your wife doesn’t agree to friend free days maybe the moms should start needing to attend the outings too? I don’t understand why Harpers mom isn’t at least driving kids to dance since you pay it etc?

OOP: Our house is on the way to Dance, so she comes here first. I also like going to Dance, it’s kind of fun being the only dad there, and after class we have our routine of going to the local bakery and getting a croissant and smoothie for breakfast.

are the gift and things you spend on her getting paid back to you?

OOP: The short answer is no, the longer version is Amber and I make a decent amount more money than Jennifer and her husband and her husband dose not like to waste his money on the kid. Jennifer can not afford to pay us back, So any money I spend on her kid I know we are not getting back.

7 years in, you've set the expectation and Harper is NOT going to understand your withdrawing. So hmm.... for taking 7 years to decide this was an issue.

OOP: I see what your saying, but it’s gradually gotten to this point over 7 years. Part of it is she is here more now than when she was younger, part of it is as Emma has gotten older we do more involved things, when they were three we just went to the playground down the street now it’s trips to the science center.

you should definitely have a talk with this sorry excuse of a father, if anything just to tell him what you think of him

OOP: I would but he is not the civil discourse type of guy, but more of the Alpha male beat you up type of person

Why do you pay for her dance classes? Why can’t either of Harper’s parents do it?

OOP: I pay for the classes because Emma wanted Harper in class with her. Harpers father is they type of who is my money is my money and Jennifer’s money is their money and he does not want to waste money on classes.
 
Update #1 - June 2, 2023 (2 weeks later)
So quite a few people has asked for an update on this situation, sorry it’s taken so long but it’s been a hectic few weeks.
As for the updates the Amber and I are fine. Her reaction was based on poor word choices by me, poor communication by both of us, and some things I was unaware of at the time.
The short version is:
Things at home were much worse than I was aware of for Jennifer, and my wife had only recently found out how bad things were.
Mother’s Day was the straw that broke the camel’s back for Jennifer as well, she was raised in a you must stay together for the kids family, when Harper came to me for a gift she realized that her daughter did not see her sperm donor as a father so it was time to get out.
Jennifer came to my wife to ask for help leaving because she had no family in the area and Jennifer does not have the financial resources to leave on her own.
So the night my wife was going to ask me if we could help her is when I told her I was tired of raising someone else’s kid. That’s what caused her reaction.
The Saturday after out initial argument Jennifer did not come over and Emma went to her grandparents, so the wife and I had a long discussion about what was going on, that’s when I found out all the stuff going on with Jennifer.
The wife and I decided the Jennifer and Harper can stay with us for the time being. My problem was never with those 2 it was that I had to take over for the deadbeat ( or dead beet if you prefer).
When we told Emma about this she was super happy her friend was staying with her. We had a conversation with her that if she wants to have time with either parent with out Harper just let us know, and we do not want her to feel left out of anything.
Last weekend with the help of a Uhaul and some friends of mine we got all of Jennifer’s and Harper’s stuff and moved it into our house. The good thing is we have a 4 bedroom house so everyone gets a bedroom, the bad news is my wife’s office got moved to the basement.
Wish me luck we shall see how this goes.
 

----NEW UPDATE----

Update #2: 1 year later - May 12, 2024 (11 months later)
So it’s been almost a year since my last update but with Mother’s Day upon us I thought I would post an update and try to answer the questions I’ve gotten.
Jenn and Harper are still living with us. As I mentioned before Jenn did not make that much money, she worked as a phlebotomist for our local health network. The good news is with the current nursing shortage they have a program where they will pay for employees to go to nursing school. She was able to start that in the end of August. The bad news is it’s an 18 month program and they only let you work 20hrs a week while you are in the program. So the arrangement is one she graduates she will move out then. That should be next May.
The Divorce with Dead Beet is still ongoing. Once he found out he was going to have to pay child support he tried every dirty nasty trick he could think of. No idea when that will be finished.
My wife is doing good, she happy she is helping her best friend, but 5 people in a house is a lot more work than 3. Since she works from home the pre and post school work falls on her.
Emma and Harper are still best friends. Shockingly Harper is doing much better in this environment than before. They don’t do everything together anymore. Harper quit dance class, but she started with soccer. I think knowing that she will get fatherly attention no matter what she is doing has given her some freedom to pursue other interest. Harper has turned into my Lego buddy. Emma never had any interest but Harper and I have done some nice sets together.
Emma and I still have our daddy daughter dates on the weekend, I still take her to dance class, and she started to take fencing classes. I don’t know if I should be proud or scared that she could defeat me in a sword fight.
I think I am doing better a year later. That there is a plan with a timetable for Jenn and Harper has relived a lot of stress from my life. That I also don’t have to see Dead Beet has also been a relief. I also try to take a few hours a month for me time and to do my hobbies. The bad part is I had thought that I was done with the portion of my life where I had roommates. It will also be nice when Jenn either gets her nursing job and/or gets child support so that Amber and I can stop footing the bill for so much.
For all the people that said Jenn was going to become our sister wife, or that I was going cheat of my wife with her, or that she was going to ruin my marriage out of spite, or any of the weird sexual fantasies some of you people had absolutely nothing has happened.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP posted from 2 accounts: u/Actual-Beach-4400 + u/Affectionate_Egg895
Originally posted to Marriage
My husband kicked me out of the home because I invited over his mother
Trigger Warnings: sexual abuse of a child, trauma, miscarriage
Original Post (AutoMod): March 30, 2024
I preface this by saying I think I screwed up massively.
Hubbie and I have been married for six years now. He's always been the "fun guy", always laughing and making me laugh, always seeing the bright side of things. However, one thing that bothered me was that I never knew much of his family. His father died when he was little and he has little relationship with his mom.
I'll keep this short: four months ago I looked up his mom on social media and found her. I sent a message, and she replied. We chatted and met up, she doesn't live far from us. She knew all about me and her son because she kept an eye on him on social. We became friends and I filled her in with details about our lives. I asked her why hubbie went no contact with her. She refused to tell me why if hubbie didn't tell me, just said it was all her fault and she's ashamed of it. I proposed to try what I could to help them reconcile and she agreed even if she was reluctant at first.
In the following weeks I tried talking to hubbie about his mother and what happened between them. He always changed topic or shut me down. When MIL asked me how it was going, I told her things were progressing and I was working on it.
Last week I decided to try and have them meet up so maybe we could spend Easter together. I invited MIL over before my husband would be back from work so we could surprise. She was a bit unsure about this, she said she wasn't comfortable surprising him like that, but I ressured her. I thought that any emotion hubbie could have would be better cooled by a hug.
Spoiler alert, MIL was right. Hubbie came home, and after the initial shock started yelling like I never heard him to her to get out immediately. She just grabbed her coat and stormed out. Afterwards, hubbie told me to get out too when I explained what I had done. He didn't yell at me, but his voice was cold and almost emotionless.
I've been staying at my sister's since. Hubbie won't take my calls. MIL cried on the phone and asked why I lied like that and never talked to my hubbie and "prepared" him for that. Now she stopped taking my calls as well.
I know I have screwed up big time, and I see now what a massive dork I've been. How can I fix this? I want to apologize to hubbie for what I did and maybe find out why his mom is dead to him.
Comments
Commenter: You’re a manipulative liar with no concept of boundaries. You’re staring divorce in the face and STILL want details on a situation that has absolutely fuck all to do with you. You know you’re a despicable person when even the estranged mother wants nothing to do with you. Grow up.
MollyRolls:You transgressed on such a massive and personal level and you still think you might be entitled to “find out why”? OP, this is not your trauma. Your husband is an autonomous adult who is allowed to set his own boundaries, and if you couldn’t trust his ability to make good decisions in that regard you should not have married him. Instead you meddled and undermined and completely violated his trust—he trusted that you would act like a partner, not an overbearing matchmaker who didn’t believe him about his own lived experience.
You don’t have to know what happened. It is not your place to judge whether it was “bad enough.” It does not matter if you ever understand. All you ever had to do was trust him, and you demonstrated you have no interest in being that sort of spouse, and so it serves you right if you lost him.
sk1999sk ask your husband to go to marriage counseling. You betrayed him big time. He may never be able to forgive you. You also need individual therapy to find out why you would do something like this to someone you supposedly love. if your husband refuses marriage counseling and ends your marriage, please see a therapist on you your own.
 
Editor’s Note: removed the bottom part of the update as it had the rehash of the original post
Update 1: April 20, 2024
Hey guys My original post and account got nuked, and I can't find them anymore. If someone can find my original post I'll add It in an edit.
The last weeks have been rough, but we might be okay.
Hubbie opened up about the reason he cut off his mother and many of you were right, it was s3xual abuse. Not from his mother, but his stepfather. They were engaged and his mom was pregnant with his child when the guy started giving my husband "attentions".
Husband went to his mom but she shut him down accusing him of being jealous and wanting to spoil her happiness. This went on until his mother came home from work unexpectedly and walked in on the guy "giving attention" to my husband. She kicked him out, pressed charges and annulled their engagement, but the damage was done and my husband no longer trusted her. She also lost the baby due to stress and although she never blamed my husband for it, he felt it was his fault.
All this felt like a gut punch for me, first for what he went through, and then because now I am the person who shattered his trust. He said he did consider divorce over this, but pretty bluntly said that he thinks my actions were out of stupidity rather than malice, and he wants to work things out.
I am committed to do my best to become a better and safe partner for him, I know I have this stupid and selfish tendency to think that I often know better than him, but I have to get over it because it hurt him massively and almost imploded our relationship. I don't want to be another person he trusted and ended up hurting him.
He also decided to reach out to his mom and start talking to her again. He's not sure they can repair the relationship, but he wants for both of them to find some closure.
Comments
laurcarol: There is zero reason for him to repair the relationship with his mom . I hope he gets the closure he deserves. I happen to remember your original post, and I still don’t know if you fully grasp what you did wrong.
Kebar8: Just so you know this is not something that will be fixed in the next few weeks or months.
This is going to take years for you to regain his full trust and love again
I hope you've put yourself in therapy to work out why you put yourself first here and not his wishes
Dry-Hearing5266: You need to put yourself in therapy.
Your level of boundary stomping and dismissing your husband's feelings along with your admission that you often "think that I often know better than him" shows you have issues that you need to address in individual therapy
You need to understand that you don't deserve his consideration no matter the reason for his estrangement with his mother. Whether you think it's justified or not.
You seem to have some narcissistic tendencies, and you need to get that addressed. A mentally healthy person would never do this.
 
Update 2: May 13, 2024
Hello everyone.
You can find the rest of the story on my previous post.
My husband is doing better and our relationship is slowly getting back to what it was. I know it will take a lot of time to repair the damage I caused, but I am willing to give him all the time he wants and do anything he asks out of me.
The bitter irony of this whole story is that he told me he had been thinking about reaching out to his mother, but on his terms and time. By going behind his back I almost destroyed that chance of reconciliation and imploded our marriage.
I am working on myself and will start seeing a therapist next month so I never do something like that ever again and more importantly, never betray his trust ever again.
Also, with my husband's knowledge and consent, I apologized to MIL for leading her on with false promises and she has forgiven me.
As for him and MIL, they started talking to each other, have met a couple of times in public and yesterday my husband invited her over for dinner so that in his words we all can try to start over properly.
She's a very sweet woman and she's eager to reconcile with him and get to know me. My husband said that for now he wants for all of us to get a bit used to each other, then he and MIL will get to work on their traumas (his words).
He says she's not the "villain" in what happened, but he needs to come to terms with her poor decisions and his own feelings of guilt for her losing her baby. MIL on the other hand is very apologetic and extremely sorry about what happened (in my husband's opinion, sincerely so) and doesn't blame him at all for the miscarriage.
As for me, I just sit aside and do my best to rebuild the trust with my husband and become a better and safe partner.
He started being affectionate with me again and we are no longer on thin ice, but I can't stop thinking I almost lost him because I thought I knew better than him.
Comment
Veronika9216: I remember your story, and I hope you appreciate how lucky you are to be given a second chance.
You know you screwed up when both your husband and the estranged parent are upset at you for what you have done. It seems you all are on the road of reconciling, but never forget that your short-sighted actions could have nuked any possibility of them reconciling and your own marriage.
Be thankful you are given this chance, don't screw it up and although your husband and MIL have forgiven you for breaking both their trusts, it will take time to rebuild their trust for you.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I (16NB) have been dating my current partner (17NB) for nearly 3 months. We became friends in my freshman year, and have been very close since.
I will be attending a trade school after this year and will be resigning from all classes at my high school, including the only one I have with them. That may seem like enough ground to break up with them, but there’s more to it than that.
I feel like when we were friends they paid more attention to me. During this relationship, there have been times where they will straight up reject my calls because of something to do with their online friends. I sometimes have to resort to spam texting them if it’s something really important. If I still can’t reach them that way, I have to text their mom to tell them to text me back, which gets very inconvenient at times because sometimes I won’t get anything back from them. I have gotten onto them more than once about this particular issue and I am just about ready to give up because I give them plenty of opportunity to talk to me outside of school and work and everything else. There has never been a point where they have called me or texted me first about anything. I am never checked on and I’m never asked how my day has been. Anytime I’ve mentioned this, they say they’ll try to do better and work on it more, but they haven’t. There is so much lack of communication and basic care here it’s obscene.
Their mom, by the way, has gotten in between our plans more than once. We planned a date, told her about it, and then my partner conveniently lets me know that they have to call everything off because their mom was stressed and they were going to have lunch together (?). I had already hashed out plans the day before and everything was going to happen at the time we had set. Another thing that has to do with their mom, is that I will get sent multi-part walls of text about making sure they have their inhaler, they’re eating and drinking enough, and that also gets annoying because you’d expect a 17 year old to know about all of that and have it under control, no?
I guess what I’m trying to ask here is how do I break up with a partner who struggles with communication and hasn’t made any effort?

Booty. So, we all know that Spartans are a jack-of-all-trades sort of deal when it comes to soldiers. They're well trained, have years of experience at the least, they have superhuman physical abilities, and are very smart with a heads up display for any info to boot.
But what are they bad at? I guess this does vary from generation to generation, but I'd like to know some of the flaws they have despite their completely superior physiology compared to us normal humans. This could go not just for the entire program over, but specific individuals, like Chief or Kurt for example.
For one, I remember reading somewhere that the II's hated space battles, as it made them feel helpless when unable to do anything in it themselves. To add to this, I remember in First Strike where blue had to commandeer the Ascendant Justice, a Covenant ship, and Fred had pilot it. While I'm pretty sure he stated that they had some rudimentary knowledge about piloting starships (it's been a while since I read the book), he was still very "uncomfortable" driving it, to say the least, both in never piloting a space ship before, and that he had to guess all its functions because he had no idea how an Alien space ship worked.
Halsey did state that they had "a mind equal to that of any Naval academy honours graduate", so perhaps with training they could do it, but with the Spartans current occupation, that's probably going to be pretty unlikely.
Another thing is with the Chief himself, and this is also something I'm interested in. He's the big protag after all, the ultimate badass, so I wonder what are some of his flaws.
Something I've heard a lot with the II's, but especially Chief, are his poor social skills. Someone like you and me can meet up and talk to someone in public easily, but to the Chief, whose entire life focused on purely military training and education, he didn't have much time, if at all, to learn how to connect with people outside of his normal social circle, the other Spartans, which also applies to them as well.
When it comes to communicating with their fellow Spartan's, they are able to speak very casually to each other, to type of speech you usually see the Spartan IV's doing (Osiris, somewhat/maybe close to Majestic but definitely not there). From Fred being "drunk" in Shadows of Reach, to Linda complementing John's "Bling" in Silent Storm, you can tell from their interactions that they know each other very well, and that they have nothing to hide when together. Also that time Kelly flipped of the Sentinel in front of everyone.
But when it comes to normal people, civilians and the like, all of a sudden, they get all quiet! It's like to us when we see a good looking girl in a shop or club (we're Halo fans, what do you expect)(i'm stuck in 2010). We joke around our friends, but when she walks nearby, you just don't know how to communicate or to effectively bridge the gap and connect with 'em.
I think that's what it's like for the II's and III's when speaking to us. Because they lived so "sheltered" , they really don't know how to speak to people that's not the individuals they've lived with their entire lives or in military command. Only for us, we're just nervous, but to them, they just straight up do not know what we're like.
So, I'd like you to answer some of this to me. Maybe it's something like the Gamma III's needing smoother's routinely or else they'll go insane, Kurt having serious doubts about them surviving as thus giving them illegal, highly dangerous augmentations, or the IV's needing to have maintenance tune-ups on their augmentations a lot more often than the previous.
Stuff like that that proves that while the Spartans are made to be the perfect soldiers, even they have their flaws that can't always be ironed out.

Booty. So, we all know that Spartans are a jack-of-all-trades sort of deal when it comes to soldiers. They're well trained, have years of experience at the least, they have superhuman physical abilities, and are very smart with a heads up display for any info to boot.
But what are they bad at? I guess this does vary from generation to generation, but I'd like to know some of the flaws they have despite their completely superior physiology compared to us normal humans. This could go not just for the entire program over, but specific individuals, like Chief or Kurt for example.
For one, I remember reading somewhere that the II's hated space battles, as it made them feel helpless when unable to do anything in it themselves. To add to this, I remember in First Strike where blue had to commandeer the Ascendant Justice, a Covenant ship, and Fred had pilot it. While I'm pretty sure he stated that they had some rudimentary knowledge about piloting starships (it's been a while since I read the book), he was still very "uncomfortable" driving it, to say the least, both in never piloting a space ship before, and that he had to guess all its functions because he had no idea how an Alien space ship worked.
Halsey did state that they had "a mind equal to that of any Naval academy honours graduate", so perhaps with training they could do it, but with the Spartans current occupation, that's probably going to be pretty unlikely.
Another thing is with the Chief himself, and this is also something I'm interested in. He's the big protag after all, the ultimate badass, so I wonder what are some of his flaws.
Something I've heard a lot with the II's, but especially Chief, are his poor social skills. Someone like you and me can meet up and talk to someone in public easily, but to the Chief, whose entire life focused on purely military training and education, he didn't have much time, if at all, to learn how to connect with people outside of his normal social circle, the other Spartans, which also applies to them as well.
When it comes to communicating with their fellow Spartan's, they are able to speak very casually to each other, to type of speech you usually see the Spartan IV's doing (Osiris, somewhat/maybe close to Majestic but definitely not there). From Fred being "drunk" in Shadows of Reach, to Linda complementing John's "Bling" in Silent Storm, you can tell from their interactions that they know each other very well, and that they have nothing to hide when together. Also that time Kelly flipped of the Sentinel in front of everyone.
But when it comes to normal people, civilians and the like, all of a sudden, they get all quiet! It's like to us when we see a good looking girl in a shop or club (we're Halo fans, what do you expect)(i'm stuck in 2010). We joke around our friends, but when she walks nearby, you just don't know how to communicate or to effectively bridge the gap and connect with 'em.
I think that's what it's like for the II's and III's when speaking to us. Because they lived so "sheltered" , they really don't know how to speak to people that's not the individuals they've lived with their entire lives or in military command. Only for us, we're just nervous, but to them, they just straight up do not know what we're like.
So, I'd like you to answer some of this to me. Maybe it's something like the Gamma III's needing smoother's routinely or else they'll go insane, Kurt having serious doubts about them surviving as thus giving them illegal, highly dangerous augmentations, or the IV's needing to have maintenance tune-ups on their augmentations a lot more often than the previous.
Stuff like that that proves that while the Spartans are made to be the perfect soldiers, even they have their flaws that can't always be ironed out.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AcceptableWar5433
Originally posted to AITAH
I think this woman is using me for free-childcare
Trigger Warnings: entitlement
Original Post: April 21, 2024
I 24M teach boxing in my spare time, and one day a week, I teach it to kids.
There's a mom who i'm starting to feel like is taking advantage of these classes.
She's increasingly late with picking up her kid after the session.
To give some context, this is a rich woman. It's not that she's out working a job. She is a stay at home parent. No other kids. She told me all this because another thing she loves to do is have really long conversations with me on top of already being late.
She's been late most of March (3 classes). I talked to her about it at the end of the month and she apologized and said it won't happen again. It did. x2 now. So I started timing her.
The second week of April (no class the first week), she arrived 45 minutes late. Then spent maybe 20 minutes talking to me. The other day, I timed her again. She got there around the 1 hour mark. I made a point to show her my timer and I gave her a warning that I will remove her kid from my class. She tried to derail the conversation so I raised the timer and turned it on again. She said I was being 'unjustifiably rude' (exact words).
I explained (politely) that I have other obligations and her consistent lateness throws my schedule off.
She didn't want to have this conversation, stomped to the driver's side of her car. Her kid lowered his window to say thank you and 'bye' to me. I told him bye and added 'tell your mom to stop being late'.
She reported our conversation to my boss but twisted it. She said that I threatened her kid with getting kicked out of the program. I didn't say it like that. And I didn't say it to her kid. There are other instructors, I was just implying (to her) that I won't have him in my group. My boss still gave me a lecture about how I don't have that power and can't make the statements I did. He went over professionalism and how i'm being too hard on this mom who could have other circumstances going on.
But i'm not getting paid for the hour after this class that I spend hanging out with her kid.
The kid's great.. but I have things to do.
For people who work with kids, what's the etiquette here? do I give parents grace?
I told my boss i'm going to start adding up all the hours and one of them is going to have to pay me.
AITAH?
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
OOP on wanting to set in the boundaries and fine system for late pickups and to have the boss set the firm approach for it.

OOP: See. That's how it should be. Unfortunately, I don't think my boss has any policy around it judging from the way our conversation went. If this continues to be an issue, I'm going to push for compensation since his approach currently has me taking responsibility for it. I'll send an email to him about clarifying so I have some kind of a written response.

OOP on the policy and the front desk staff to deal with the phone calls to parents for pickups

OOP: There is no front desk. I didn't want to immediately escalate to CPS and cops before making some attempts with the mom. The (lack of?) policy is definitely an issue.. that I am now going to push to address/seek further info about.

OOP on getting paid for his time of the hours he did outside his duties

OOP: I added them up, sent it to him and everything— he told me he will only pay me moving forward. I should let it go, and then made a point to remind me that I volunteered for this job knowing it was new and there would be hiccups.

 
Update: May 1, 2024
Previous post.
I appreciate the advice I got on the post I made. I learned a lot from you.
Here's the update:
I took various notes from the people who gave me tips here. I wrote a detailed email to my boss and cc'd other people who run this program, including co-instructors. I did this for transparency, accountability, and to put pressure on my boss to provide a policy around the issue instead of him dealing with us all individually / case by case.
My boss didn't respond to the email, instead he called me in to see him. I kind of had a feeling he’d do that.
He asked me why I sent the email cc'ing everyone and was clearly not happy about my approach. He kept trying to minimize the situation, and make me feel that I am in the wrong. He told me that I'm being greedy. That my attitude about one parent being late is exaggerated and I'm looking for problems. I should essentially just wait around after-hours if I need to sometimes (unpaid) because it's a program for kids. I should do this with some heart and "Do it for the kids". I had to turn my face to hide the fact that I wanted to laugh in that moment. But mostly I was frustrated.
Having proper policies in place not only protects the staff, it protects the kids, not to mention his fucking business. After I made my perspective clear (in a mostly professional manner).. he came around a little.
Unfortunately, he flat out told me he will not back-pay me for the time that I've logged waiting for this mom, but he will implement a late policy moving forward. He's followed through on that. He tried to throw in other useless incentives for me. I didn't accept them.
That mom wasn't late this week. She did try to catch my eye when she picked her son up and I ignored her. She ended up getting out of her car and asked me if I saw her waving. I kept ignoring her. She wore me down because she kept following me around while I locked up. I informed her why she's getting the silent treatment. She apologized and also tried to write me a check on the spot. I didn't take the money. I told her... honestly, I might quit instead. I am sharing this because the woman clearly lives in her own world. Here, just take my money and stop being mad at me. I was so furious. It took everything in me to keep the words that I said to her to a minimum.
I am on the fence about just letting this go. Maybe the program will get smoother with time. It's not a lot of money worth fighting over... I am so disappointed in my boss. I’ve known him for a long time as a mentofriend. Being his employee has been something else. The program itself is very new and disorganized. Due to differences of opinion about how its run, I doubt I will stay with it.
This is my first time working a job that involves kids. My actual profession is unrelated to boxing. This was mostly something I picked up spontaneously, because I saw the merit in it and I wanted to do my part to help. I admit I could use the extra money too. I don’t mean to be greedy or stingy, but I live in an insanely expensive city and I take care of someone with expensive medical bills.
I haven't proof-read this, but it looks longer than I wanted it to be. I’m sorry. I’m tired.
Relevant Comments
OOP on being frustrated with his boss and the situation

OOP: I wouldn’t say I’m angry about the situation.. I think I am mostly frustrated with my boss’s approach in dealing with issues. It’s hard to convey all of it in writing but he’s extremely stubborn and hard headed. He takes unnecessary offence to constructive feedback and then holds grudges. Getting him to do anything is always more difficult than it needs to be. He will try to bulldoze you, there’s always friction no matter what you suggest. It shouldn’t have to be like that.
I think I’m coming to terms with the realization that he’s a great friend and mentor but a terrible person to collaborate or do business with. I wish he would have taken what I said more seriously instead of focusing so much on this being an isolated issue when it could easily happen again with another parent. Even though he’s implemented the new policies, he’s acting as if he did me a favor.
The person I was angry at, is the mom.. because of the way she talked to me and threw money at me. There was no understanding.
She was so quick to report me to my boss and twist my words last week, and this week shes at pickup trying to flag me to chat like it never happened. The entitlement of this woman. She can’t stand being ignored. And when I reminded her what she did she acted as if it was just a money problem. Who cares about the appointments I got late for and the trouble she caused me— she can write me a check right now and order me to stop being mad at her. It definitely rubbed me the wrong way.
I absolutely hear you though. Thank you.

WaitUntilIDie: You'd make the right call to cut your loses, see this as a learning opportunity for what is not only intolerable but most likely illegal. I can't think of any state where you can be expected to continue working without pay. Id go as far as to suggest reporting the hours you were unpaid to the labor board in your state if you are from the states.
You are being taken advantage of here, but you know that. Do what's best for you. I'm not only suggesting making the report so you get paid, but also to put this business on notice because you probably aren't the only person they will try to exploit this way especially after you've left and having that record is important to show a pattern of behavior on the business owners part.
ERVetSurgeon: Report him to the Dept of Labor at the federal level. You cannot force someone to stay on the job "off the clock." If they did that, you will get back pay.
Hellokitty55: I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You're NTA. You tried to level with your boss and get him to understand. I'm guessing he doesn't want any backlash bc of business. I wish there weren't people out there that takes advantage of kindness.
 
Last Update: May 13, 2024
Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/AITAH/s/7naOmsQ5tU
I got other instructors to get on my boss’s case with me. I also informed him I have to quit the kids class and I will quit the training I do with adults too / leave the gym and our friendship if he doesn’t hear me out respectfully.
The reason I wanted to avoid reporting my boss is because I have a relationship with him and nearly everyone at this gym going back almost 10 years. I didn’t want to resort to making a report without exploring every other option first.
My boss caved. I’ll get paid for the extra hours I logged on the next paycheck.
Moving forward, I will no longer teach the kids, because although we have a policy and late pickup fee in place, as it stands right now, instructors are still responsible to stay back until the last kid leaves and my boss doesn’t want to negotiate on that. I can’t stay behind after classes. I have other obligations the same day as the class I teach. It’s unfortunate because this one parent is the only one currently abusing the system because she can afford to.
That kid’s mom was late this week again by 30 minutes. Showed her my timer. I also told her I’ve quit. She asked me if the late warnings “reset” when a new instructor takes over (they don’t). She then tried to hire me out from under my boss as her kid’s private instructor. I said no, but I might reconsider if she ever wants lessons. I would love to give that woman hell.
Alright, that’s the end of that. I feel bad I couldn’t stick it out with this kids program but it’s too disorganized for me right now.
Relevant Comment
RaptorOO7: Sounds like she has zero respect for anyone else’s time, sure who doesn’t love money, but my time is money and I value my time a lot more than her money.
Good call not working for her who knows what kind of hell she would put you through.
People with money know that money talks and most will take it. When you don’t out of principle they just can’t understand it.

OOP: People like her ruin it for other parents and my boss refuses to implement a condition like .. X amount of lates will result in your kid being dropped from the class.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/IcemanEx54
GM Locked Me Out Of Interacting With Other Players Because I Got Confused
Originally posted to rpghorrorstories
TRIGGER WARNING: manipulation, controlling behavior, sexism
Original Post March 6, 2024
I'm a player in a tabletop RPG campaign and I just wanted to vent about this session. The GM uses a "rules light" homebrew system and it's his homebrew world as well. He's been doing this campaign for years now, but I just joined through a mutual friend after another player left recently.
When I joined the campaign, the GM had told me he wanted me to be from a particular country as a prince, and since it was his homebrewed world, I went with it. The country I'm a prince of is a massive empire that has conquered many lands. I wanted to be a morally good character so I made up a backstory where my prince had a secret romance with a commoner so it gave me more empathy and understanding than my other royal peers would have. Then in session 1, he had the commoner immediately break up with me since the players were all leaving the city session 1.
Several sessions later, there is a carnival being hosted in the empire and all the players are attending. The players split up and my part began with my character watching as a mentally handicap child was put in the dunk tank and was being dunked against his will. So I had my character help the child and stop the game (This isn't relevant to the larger story but I thought it was really weird). Then I am told I have to go to the "main stage" which is just a strip club seemingly. And of course, walking around topless serving drinks is my character's commoner love interest that I made in session 0. The GM laughs a bit and comments, "Isn't it funny? Look at what your ex has to do without you." I have my character give her the shirt off his back and we go to the outskirts of the carnival to find a quiet place to talk, but then the carnival was ambushed by some enemies as arrows and fire rained down on the parade.
Suddenly, my character and his ex are teleported back to the main stage and the GM starts jumping back and forth between all the player characters asking what we want to do without any sort of initiative and if we don't respond quickly enough he skips to another player. I ask, "What direction are the arrows coming from?" GM, "You can't tell". "Which direction to the palace?" I ask. "You don't know," he tells me. I'm honestly genuinely confused about what to do here and my mind goes blank, but then the GM has my bodyguard (a Brienne of Tarth type) tell me to follow her so I do. As he cuts back and forth, another player loses his mom in the chaos, I tell GM, "I want to help him find his mom." "You can't see him" GM tells me. Then I ended up surrounded by 12 ambushers in the "Pleasure Gardens". GM asked what I would do. I say since the carnival is burning, I look for a piece of wood on fire and since it's the pleasure gardens maybe there's some oil I can spill and light on fire to separate myself, my bodyguard, and ex who are all with me from the ambushers. He tells me there's no oil and then I'm held down by the men. I tried to escape, but he says I failed (he just did a dice roll behind his screen and didn't tell me the results). I am then hogtied by the ambushers with my bodyguard and ex and thrown in a cart. Meanwhile, the other two players have stolen a cart and are escaping. I try to do a goofy wave as my character is tied up towards my companions and he just says, the carts never pass each other so the other players don't see you. Before the session ends he tells me my bodyguard is dead.
After the session, I think my body language showed I was a bit bummed. So GM pipes in, "You want to know why you failed that encounter?" He proceeded to tell me it was because I followed my bodyguard and there was no way a woman could have protected me and I needed to make the choice instead. Some of the other players chimed in and said it was surprising my bodyguard failed since in the lore she was a 20-year veteran who survived "The Great War". The GM keeps defending his choice. Then he started making self-deprecating jokes about how he just sucks then and he's the worst GM ever until the other players all reassure him it's fine. I kind of just sat there shell-shocked.
His system reduces dice rolls to a rarity and he does them all himself as a "way to keep tension". I'm honestly more about hanging out with my friends than judging the quality of any campaign or system but this was my first "combat" of any sort in the campaign and I just felt so helpless in this system and it was frustrating. Plus there are no insight or persuasion rolls, just what the GM claims "my character would know" and "how his NPCs would act". So I'm not sure how I was supposed to handle this encounter. Being a GM myself, I thought he was using my bodyguard character to get me back on track, but I thought wrong. I honestly wouldn't have minded if he was just railroading me for a plot point, but him trying to manipulate me and saying his hands were tied when he essentially locked me out of interacting with the other players for the rest of the session is what bothers me the most.
Edit: Changed gaslighting to manipulating since I was using the term wrong and don't want to dilute it's meaning.
Update: GM Defends Style And Told Me He Owns My Character March 20, 2024
This is an update from my post a couple of weeks ago.
One of my friends in the group reached out to me and asked me to not leave the group. He told me there were only 2 sessions left and asked me to stick around as a favor to him. I told him I'd reach out to GM and see if we could get on the same page. So I texted the GM and told him I wanted to talk because I had some concerns after the way everything went down last session. He was down and we talked on the phone a couple of days later. To my surprise, the first thing he did was profusely apologize. I hadn't been responding in our group chat, partly because I was mad and partly because my partner had a death in her family. I guess me not responding caused him to dwell on the last session a bunch. He said he was going to retcon my bodyguard's death and keep her alive. I even told him that the treatment of women in the campaign was bad and that it was making the story worse, he told me that it is something that he can work on being better about too. I was surprised, but all this gave me a lot of optimism for this conversation.
I was honest and I told him that his homebrew system is very difficult for me since I don't have a character sheet. So my character doesn't have abilities, he doesn't level up, and I can't do things like roll investigate or perception rolls which makes it hard for me to make informed decisions. I told him it makes me very risk adverse because I don't have things like HP to even know if I'm in danger. He responded to this by telling me I shouldn't worry about that because his GM style rewards me if I roleplay well enough. He went on to say he hates systems with things like perception rolls because that's "Not how real life works".
I also lamented the fact that I also don't get to interact with the other players much. I didn't mention this in my first post, but he plays with all of us in a Discord call but he only plays with us one at a time, and the two of us who aren't playing are expected to listen and record notable quotes for his notes. He'll switch between characters where each player gets 2-3 "scenes" in a 3 hour session. He has our characters all spread out across the country Game of Thrones style and I've only gotten to play with another player in 2 sessions so far. This was also why that carnival scene was so frustrating because all 3 players were finally in the same place and we were trying to find each other and he just kept saying, "You don't see them".
He told me that he doesn't do party-based adventures because you can't get character growth that way. I pushed back and said I've seen awesome character growth in traditional DnD style games in the past, it just depends on the group. I also said he's just making things harder for himself by trying to run three campaigns instead of one. And if we don't have character sheets and aren't in a party then this is all more dramatic improv than a tabletop RPG.
He responded by saying his way is better because it creates a real story and that I should be happy because he made me the main character. (I guess that is what me being the prince means?) He then went on a rant about how much he loves the game world he created and he's very grateful that our characters brought it to life. But then he says that since it's his world, he feels like he owns our characters now and that after the campaign he wants us all to sign off on him using the characters to write books and a screenplay. And if we don't he'll just change their names and do it anyway. He then thanks me and tells me that this campaign is the main thing that has been stopping him from self-harm and going to dark places. Then he says he has to go and he rushes to hang up before I can say anything else.
I'm dumbfounded after that rapid-fire series of bombshells. I've known since the first few sessions that this was barely a TTRPG, but I got to hang out with my friends so I didn't care what it was. It was nice to hang out with old friends a couple times each month. Then the story got weird, and there was so much misogyny, and then I had the horrible session that caused my original post. Then in this conversation, he throws up even more red flags that I'm not blind to, but he is also planting a seed that he may harm himself without the campaign which is not something I want on my conscience. I'm just exhausted at this point.
TLDR: GM says that abilities and parties make TTRPGs worse and he wants to use our characters to write books/movies after the campaign because he owns them since we're playing in his world. He says he may fall back to self-harm without the campaign, making me feel guilty for wanting to leave.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
ShitThroughAGoose

Any update to this?

OOP

I ended up doing one more session for the finale. There was some drama during that session and when I mentioned that I didn't want to play in the next season of the campaign. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post about it again. I might still, but I think I want to take some time and reflect on everything.

Final Update May 11, 2024
[Final Update] Moving On From My Toxic DM And Losing A Friend In The Process
This will hopefully be my last post on this sub for a long time, but I’ve been using this place to vent about my toxic situation for a while so I figured I might as well post how everything concluded and what happened when I left. I’m going to reflect on everything and recap the important parts so no one has to read 3 posts.
It all started when I decided to start DMing to keep in touch with some college friends after graduation. During my first campaign, one of the players, Pirate, asked if his friend, Colorado, could join. I didn't really know Colorado, but I figured, "the more, the merrier."
Colorado had some issues early on, giving unsolicited advice to everyone on how to play and viewing newer or shy players as “side characters”. However, he frequently missed sessions, only showing up for less than half of them for the first few years so nothing came to a head early on. Then, Colorado decided he wanted to bring back his tabletop campaign from his college days and started trying to recruit players after my sessions. Pirate suggested I join the campaign, promising that Colorado was a better DM than player. Since I had been the Forever DM up to that point, I agreed to give it a go.
I created a character who was part of the royal family but enjoyed interacting with commoners in the slums, even having a secret girlfriend from that background. After that, Colorado also started hitting me up to help with the campaign. I ended up photoshopping character art for a bunch of his NPCs and I even drew his world map for him. I didn't mind doing it, as I do that kind of stuff for fun.
For our first session, Colorado had already created character sheets for us based on our backstories, but only he could see them. Colorado would also roll all the dice himself so “all we had to focus on is roleplaying”. We played one on one in different "scenes" that could last around 30 minutes to an hour each. We usually had around 2 to 4 scenes per session, depending on what Colorado thought was important. During the game, Colorado asked us to write down quotes from him and the other players when it wasn't our turn.
I had to wait for well over an hour before I could finally play. My first session was on rails. I mostly just had to repeat after Colorado during a ceremony. Afterwards, I got to sneak out of the castle and meet with my commoner girlfriend, but Colorado immediately had her break up with me. Then I was told that I had to leave the city. I was essentially locked out of my hanging out in the slums and commoner girlfriend subplots. NPCs generally disliked my morally good character, especially my sister who was depicted as purely evil towards me. Despite my efforts to mend the relationship, she never changed her mind and Colorado never rolled any dice to determine that. Later Colorado revealed to me the character was based on his ex-girlfriend, who was originally intended to be the player character from my country before they broke up.
Eventually, I finally got to interact with another player, Soldier, who I had really good chemistry with and we had a really fun scene. Which Colorado exclaimed, “See! This is why I keep you apart. It makes these moments so much more epic!” But I’m just thinking that if we were in a party, every session could be this epic.
Then Colorado got busy. He went to some alternative medicine nature retreat and didn’t pay his rent the whole time he was gone so he got evicted. At that point, the campaign went on hiatus as people got busy and Colorado was couch hopping. It was during that time I considered the campaign over and made my first post because I thought it fit the sub. Then a year after the last session, Colorado started trying to organize the group to do 3 more sessions to finish the campaign. I just ghosted the group chat for a while, but Pirate’s roommate is a player in the campaign I DM so Pirate started hopping on the call asking me to come back for the finale. Pirate told me that it would be different this time because all of our characters were going to meet up for the finale and he really wanted to play with me. I naively agreed to give the game a second chance.
The first of those three sessions led to this post and this follow up.
[TLDR - I never got to meet up with the other characters. Colorado made my ex a stripper and I was captured by invaders with no dice rolls to prevent it. I had a conversation with him about my concerns after the last session. He apologized and agreed to make changes saying he needed the campaign for his mental health.]
Colorado decided to have a single super finale session, which I reluctantly attended because of sunk cost fallacy. I was imprisoned, beaten and whipped, separated from my girlfriend and recently resurrected bodyguard. A deus-ex ninja offered to help me escape, but I wanted to save all the prisoners. So I helped the commoners escape with the ninja before saving my girlfriend. My bodyguard got captured, but I made sure my girlfriend escaped and then I went to save my bodyguard because I wasn’t letting her die after she just got resurrected. I tried to find my bodyguard but every door was locked and I was forced into a long one on one fight with a guard that would make John Carpenter blush. I lost the fight due to an unknown -2 modifier on my fighting rolls, leading to my re-imprisonment.
Pirate tried to board a boat to reach my location, but was unsuccessful. Colorado informed him that the sailors refused to let him on the ship because they didn't like his tone. Fortunately, Soldier saved me and we agreed to stop the big bad and rescue my bodyguard together. With a squad of Soldier's peers, we pursued the big bad into the woods. Without any rolls, all the other soldiers were sniped by archers.
Finally, the two of us reached the clearing where the big bad and his followers were. We were outnumbered about 30-2. My bodyguard and the other commoners were tied to a tree. Soldier was the same race as the villain so he approached while I stayed hidden. He delivered an awesome passionate speech against the big bad's actions saying that it wasn’t what their ancestors would want. I’m sitting there waiting and hoping for a persuasion roll… and nothing. Colorado says the big bad doesn’t change his mind and he sets the tree on fire, causing my bodyguard and the commoners to burn to death. Soldier and I retreated into the woods to end the campaign.
Pirate was supposed to have a scene after us, but he fell asleep because it was past 1am. Colorado kept trying to call Pirate on the phone. I joke, “Hey, we’re old now, being up past midnight isn’t as easy as it used to.” To which Colorado replies, “I just thought Pirate had more respect for me than this.” The Discord call becomes quiet and after Colorado starts focusing on Soldier and I. He wants to know why we’re not discussing the ending more. I remarked that it was a bit of a downer and I’m tired. Then Colorado starts spiraling, saying that RPGs are just another medium that he failed at just like film and music. HE STARTS CRYING and hangs up from the Discord call. Soldier and I stayed on and had a short “That was awkward” conversation. I don’t know Soldier well so I didn’t say much about my grievances with the campaign and eventually we ended up just talking about Baldur’s Gate 3 for an hour.
The next day, I wake up to a barrage of texts from Colorado apologizing, mansplaining how hard it is to be a DM as if I’ve never done it myself. He then starts sending me messages with all his ideas for my character in the next season and how he promises I’ll have more freedom next time. I wouldn’t understand, but he NEEDED to do the prison sequence and my bodyguard to die for my character growth, but next season will be different. I tell him I’m not doing another season. Colorado replies saying that he thought I’d say that because Pirate (who was apparently not sleeping) told him Soldier and I were bitching about the campaign after the session. Colorado said that once I get over it, we can start talking about season 3. I reaffirmed my stance. Then Colorado texts me one last time and asks if I’ll still make his maps and character art even if I don’t play. I said no again.
It's been two months since I last heard from Colorado or Pirate. We used to play games and talk about pro wrestling all the time, but now there's been no contact. A lot of the comments on my posts helped me realize I was prioritizing Colorado’s mental health over my own and I felt like it was my responsibility to support his campaign because he constantly referenced how important it was to his mental health. Intentional or not, he preyed upon my empathy. I’m not his Giving Tree and I shouldn’t be left a stump for a campaign where he doesn’t even want us to affect the world.
I sometimes worry Pirate is going through a similar situation to me, but for a longer period of time. Pirate introduced me to Colorado, and he's really loyal to him. I think that slowed down my exit from the group because I trusted Pirate to be my friend as well. I remember opening up to Pirate about a panic attack I had while Colorado was spiraling one day, and he just shrugged it off as me being dramatic. It's frustrating. I want both of them to be happy, but I can't make that happen for them, especially if it comes at the expense of my own well-being.
I ended up venting to some of my irl friends and they really supported and listened to me which is why I didn’t feel a need to vent here. I learned a lot about what not to do when DMing from this campaign and it made me reevaluate my approach to playing RPGs. Now I'm in a group with my irl friends and it's a blast. I can relax and just have fun playing again.
TLDR - I started DMing to stay connected with college friends who were scattered across the country. One player, Pirate, introduced me to Colorado, who eventually took over as the DM. Colorado had some unconventional methods, such as not using character sheets and controlling all the dice rolls. The game became focused on his storyline and my character had limited agency. Despite this, I gave the campaign a second chance. In the final session, things went poorly, and Colorado had a breakdown. Despite his apologies and promises for the next season, I decided not to continue playing. I have not heard from Colorado or Pirate since. I now play with my real-life friends and it's much more enjoyable.
RELEVANT COMMENTS/ADDED INFO
TicketPrestigious

Glad you're doing better. That does sound like quite a toxic situation.
If I've understood it right, the stuff with Pirate 'falling asleep' but actually listening in to you and Soldier talking feels like a massive red flag to me. I understand worrying about him since you were/felt like you were friends, but if he's enabling Colorado with that sort of stuff then it's probably best to move on.

OOP

Yeah even the best case would be that Pirate woke up after Colorado left the call and just overheard Soldier and me talking without us realizing because his mic was muted and we assumed he had passed out and then he snitched after which is still a bad look tbh. I had been distancing myself from Pirate since he invalidated my panic attack prior to this. It's just hard to be vulnerable with someone again after that.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

So I 17 female just had the hardest time in my life rn, so let me explain
My grandma who is 59 and my mom who is 35 is getting on me rn and they are making me seem like I'm this horrible person and called me names
So this summer I was supposed to go visit my mom in another state for the summer and see my 3 siblings all under 11 ( I'm the oldest ) now my friend Kayla birthday is in June and since I would be away for the summer Kayla decided to schedule her birthday at an really super popular and expensive amusement park In July 10th or July 11th , I didn't know how long I was gonna be visiting my mom so I ASKED my grandma and my mom that when they Do schedule my flight can they book a round trip to come back around July 6th.
Right now it's may and my mom and grandmother whwre planning on having me leave after May 23rd , I asked my grandma is it would be possible I could spend the rest of May with my mom and the entire month of June and a few days of July and Cole back.
She said No . I asked her why and she got really pissed at me and yelled at me about how these airline tickets are too expensive to only stay for a month. I explained to her that I promised I would be there for my friend so she don't have to reschedule and my friends mom works literally 7 days a week so my friends mom would have to take work off her schedule to take us. My grandma got really mad and said that I'm choosing my friends over my family, I explained that I'm sorry and that I think I'm managing my time right and I'm still gonna see my mom and siblings and I'll still be able to go to my friends birthday thing ahe planned for all of us. My grandma told me that bes gonna book a One - way ticket for me and I'll come back July 27th, now my friend who's birthday I was gonna miss was at my house having a sleepover so she was hearing everything btw, and my grandma called me selfish and a hoe and I went back to my room crying where my friend said it's okay and she can push back her amusement park day to a weekend after school starts in August because she really wants me to be included bc I'm her bsf. And as we where talking I called my mom and I explained the situation and my mom said " ( my name ) your friends are gonna be there all year long the entire time your there you will see them at school everyday and your little bf too, I'm your mom and you will be back July 27th which gives you 13 days before school to do whatever but me and your siblings haven't seen you since Thanksgiving 2023" at this point I was really stressed and my friend was very understanding, so I went back to my grandma to tell her that I will stay the whole summer but she was on the phone with my mom making the situation worse yelling at me and cussing at me and I lost my cool and started crying and I yelled at them and my grandma was telling me how I was ruining her honeymoon bc she was gonna go to Vegas and btw ( my grandma is still gonna be here in July she said she's going to Vegas or whatever when I FIRST leave ) so now I have this weight on my shoulders full of guilt and I tried to explain how I wast choosing friends over family I was just managing my time but they got really upset and said some really harsh stuff,
Eventually my grandma came into my room with my mom on the phone bc I was so upset I blocked my mom and my mom started telling me how ungrateful and selfish I am and to " Think of my little siblings because they think im still coming to visit them " and I yelled back saying I am I am literally trying to figure things out, and then my grandma and mom said " we are booking a one way ticket and your mom will decide when you come back " ans I got upset and was like " No " and I told them how now they are just forcing and Gaslighting me into a bunch of things and it needs to stop . They didn't listen and in the end my mom said " You know what ( my name ) Fu*k you and I'm no longer your mother goodbye "
Please someone tell me what to do I feel so trapped ....

two cold approaches in a club, need criticism and pointers
Long story short, went to this goth club with a badance floor area. I decided to go solo cause I'm new to this city.
Got there early-ish when it wasn't packed, grabbed a drink and saw the DJ's getting set up. I sort of just walked around the venue at first since it was a cool scene I wanted to check out all the amenities. Eventually I grabbed a drink and noticed the place starting to gradually fill up, there were definitely more groups than solo people.
Spent some time scanning the room to see who is solo and could use company, approached this girl very obviously sitting alone. She was receptive and we talked, turns out she was like 40 something and sort of just trauma dumped all the shit going wrong in her life to me. Then she told me that no men want her even though she has a house and all these other nice things, eventually she left frustrated. Not with me, we had a good chat about stuff, I think she just felt she didn't fit into a young ppl goth bar, I was probably the only person that approached her to talk. Tbh had no clue she was 40 something, makeup? idfk
Anyway later into the night
got another drink so at this point I'm at 2 and the social lubricant is starting to take effect. We are well into the night at this point and the dance floor is packed with ppl doing weird goth dances, the bartenders are scrambling etc. So since the 40 something yo lady left I spent time just enjoying the DJ's and watching ppl dance. After I while I decide to give it another go and start scanning the room again to find someone else solo that could use company.
I spot this qt girl (more around my age) waiting in line for a drink, so I approach and somehow strike up some small talk. She seemed receptive and we continued talking, pretty early in our conversation I offered to buy her a drink which she accepted and we took our conversation to another area of the bar to get out of the way of other ppl in line.
What followed was we spent the next 2hr or so talking about all kinds of stuff, the city, cats / dogs, the location, work, etc etc. Made her laugh a good many times and we kept eye contact during the whole ordeal. Eventually a escalate and ask for her number which she plugged into my phone. I also complemented her style said I liked her hair, which we talked about for a while (attempt at flirting).
Everything after this point is stuff I need advice on, because everything after this point is where I started fumbling I think...
So... when I gave her my number I followed up by saying she's really fun to talk to and we should grab lunch or coffee sometime soon. To this she gave me a sort of uh..... I dunno how to describe... mutter of acceptance? Like I have no clue if she agreed or fake agreed idk...
Note by this time I've been talking to her for a good while and wanna move from the bar elsewhere, so as we're talking she mentions she can go crazy with the goth dances. I tried to capitalize on that saying we should hit the floor and maybe she can show me. Again here I have no clue what she said back to that... all I know is that I don't think she was super interested in doing that with me, plus she was tired after work so didn't wanna dance.
By this point the alcohol is wearing off, it's late and I can tell she's a lil tired of talking to me as for the past 2hrs she made effort to keep the convo going and so did I, and now it was sort of dead.
Here is the confusing part to me... so she tells me she'll brb and basically just doesn't come back. So I close my tab and leave cause it's late anyway.
few days later I text her saying I had fun talking to her and wanna get to know her better grab drinks again etc. No reply.
And yup that's sort of it, mind you I'm 22 this is my first time going to a club and trying this solo without a group.
I'm asking for advice about things I did wrong and things I did correctly that I need to replicate in the future when I go back there.
My own self-reflection rn is
I blundered by staying basically glued to her for so long which killed the convo and vibe, again I just thought we were hitting it off cause we talked for so long.
maybe could've tried talking to more than 2 ppl? I also struck up conversation with this dude and that was cool.
Maybe I made the mistake of focusing too much on picking up girls rather than enjoying the venue?

Author's Note:
7700 words, broke Reddit's character limit, so you know the drill. Will be split into two parts, both posted today. Enjoy!
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"Stop! STOP!"
The terror in Kismet's voice rose higher as death drew nearer. He fled from Rob's grasping hand, but a Purge Divinity-infused fingernail managed to graze him, carving out a scoop of divine essence as if flaying a mortal's skin.
Kismet let out a screech as the Purging energy added to his growing collection of scars. A dozen small holes now dotted the surface of his mana-body, looking like he'd been pockmarked by wasting disease. Each wound represented a moment where the god had narrowly escaped with his life.
If those injuries had been inflicted by any other ability, then he could have rejuvenated himself in the time it took to blink. Purging energy was not so kind as that. It was purifying wrath in the shape of a Skill; their vengeance given form. Whatever divinity it touched, it extinguished.
As if cleansing the universe of a sickness that had infected it for far too long.
The BERSERKER continued his unrelenting advance. In response, Kismet threw up a frantic barrier of mana. It was strong enough to deflect one of Ragnavi's Annihilation beams–
And Rob blasted through it like paper mache. His charge sent broken shards of energy scattering across the divine realms. More mid-air rifts tore open, the HUMAN's aura strangling the surrounding area in a vice grip of power. Purge Divinity seemed to glow with light emanating straight from the pits of hell.
None of which was anywhere near as unnerving as the murder contained within his piercing gaze. When Kismet met Rob's eyes, he saw the end of eternity fast approaching.
The god's next barrier was just as frantic. However, this one was not comprised of mana, but of solid matter. Kismet summoned the hardest, most dense substance known to the mortal realms, then transmuted it into something that otherwise could only have been forged inside the heart of a dying star. It was many times more durable than the impossibly tough walls of an aberrant Dungeon.
So when Rob demolished it with a single punch, he actually had to put a bit of elbow grease into his windup.
Another wall materialized in front of him. He crushed it, then the one after, and the one after that, lashing out with bestial ferocity. The BERSERKER plowed through Kismet's hastily-built defenses like a bulldozer of fists and savagery. Rob was knocking them down as quickly as the god could make them, relishing the sensation of being able to vent his anger on targets that weren't fucking running away.
Then the twelfth wall fell – revealing a monstrous, spiky, fanged behemoth concealed behind.
Rob paused, momentarily taken aback at the sight of a mundane creature within the divine realms. 'Mundane' in relative terms, anyway. This monster was on par with a newborn Blight, radiating power that would have sent ordinary fighters sprinting for the hills.
It was also barely cognizant of its surroundings. The monster stared at him with unblinking, vacant eyes, just the tiniest glimmer of awareness present in its gaze. Rob noted that segments of its flesh were bubbling, as if the creature was fresh out of the oven and still needed to settle.
He couldn't help but feel a modicum of pity. This was yet another thoughtless creation, condemned to existence by an uncaring maker. Even monsters deserved better than that.
Rob caved the beast's head in before it could realize that it was alive. Pity was not the same as hesitation, and this was the only mercy he could afford to grant right now.
Didn't matter. Kismet's pawn served its purpose. In the brief instant that Rob spent getting over his initial surprise, the god had teleported to safety. He was already planning his next stunt that could buy him a few precious seconds of survival.
The HUMAN grimaced as he turned to give chase, unable to suppress the burgeoning sense of unease growing within his chest.
It almost didn't seem fair to feel that way. Rob knew he was winning – at least on the surface. Any outside observer would've bet their life savings on him, especially after the show of overwhelming superiority he'd just displayed. Kismet had been at a disadvantage before Never Forget Your Rage's recent upswing, and now it was no contest. Rob was confident that he would still be stronger even if the eight gods merged into one super-deity.
He also knew that he was living on borrowed time.
Whenever he moved, or activated a Skill, or even breathed...the sensation was there. Strength accompanied by incongruous frailty. Like background noise that kept getting louder with every action he took. His body felt close to pulling itself apart, as if his very molecules were a hairsbreadth away from coming undone.
It was different from Soul Instability. Whereas that threatened to collapse his soul, this frailty was an affliction of the flesh. The longer he fought, the more his physical form was at risk of popping like a balloon.
Such was the price of constraining godlike power within a mortal shell.
"Stay back!" Unaware of the turmoil fermenting in his assailant's mind, Kismet threw up his hands and...inverted...space? Rob didn't have a name for what he was seeing. Rather than stopping to puzzle out this latest brand of divine bullshit, he sent out a pulse of Purge Divinity, canceling whatever esoteric effect Kismet had been attempting to produce.
His Purging energy scraped against the divine realms like a cheese grater. Five rifts immediately tore open near both Rob and Kismet, with the god anxiously retreating from one that appeared just inches away from him. A low rumble echoed around them, and for a moment, they felt struck by an abrupt feeling of vertigo – until the realms gradually stabilized, righting once more.
For now.
Rob eyed the rifts with a detached, clinical gaze. An endless sea of mana resided behind them; the bedrock of the system itself. While he recognized that the rifts tearing open was bad news, he also couldn't really muster the energy to care. Between his overflowing rage, overtaxed body, and overburdened soul, minor details like the impending destruction of reality were hard to give much focus.
There was a way to fix all of that, of course. Rob couldn't outright deactivate Never Forget Your Rage – not without losing its bonus stats. But he could attempt to ease the storm of fury in his heart. By lessening his anger to more reasonable levels, Never Forget Your Rage would put less strain on both his body and the divine realms.
The notion forced a peal of hideous laughter to claw out of his throat. Lessen his anger? He'd have better luck trying to douse a volcano with a garden hose. No. For a wildfire that had grown this out of control, the only thing to do was stand aside and let it burn, burn, burn.
Until naught remained.
"I said stay back!" Kismet bellowed. He lifted his arms into the air. "Begone!" One moment later, Rob's vision was filled with scorching light. An apocalyptic geyser of mana burst forth from underfoot, intense and searing. It stripped the flesh from his bones in no time flat, powering through Almighty Resistance with pure, unmitigated violence.
And it still wasn't fast enough. Rob flickered a Purge Divinity shield for just an instant, allowing him to escape the geyser with his upper body – and most of his HP – intact. Lifesurge swiftly patched him up, leaving both combatants right back where they'd started.
Slowly, Kismet lowered his hands. They were shivering. "What are you?" he whispered. "Why are all my efforts in vain?"
To be honest, Rob was mildly impressed that Kismet had held on for this long. The god's combat efficacy was increasing as time passed, improving from panic-spamming teleports to more inventive maneuvers – as if he was learning how to fight on-the-job. He'd also stopped draining the other gods to supplement his power, having found an alternative source of fuel: mana seeping out from the sporadically-opening rifts.
It was the one silver lining to fighting an implacable BERSERKER so powerful that he fractured reality. Whenever Rob utilized Purge Divinity, more rifts opened up in the realms, and more mana leaked out from inside. The gods had invested that energy into the system millennia ago, and it typically would've been off-limits until they closed up shop and left Elatra. Kismet was making use of it now, absorbing the extra mana to strengthen himself, like a lifeline barely keeping him afloat.
The god's tenacity was...calling it 'admirable' would be going too far, but it did warrant a sort of begrudging respect. As someone who'd tangoed with multiple Blights, Rob knew what it was like to square off against a frenzied beast that could end him with a touch.
Being the scary one was a nice change of pace.
In exchange, Kismet had graciously donned the role of their battle's Combat Class user; fragile, outgunned, and pulling improvised maneuvers out of his ass for a chance at victory. The god could finally feel what it was like to be vulnerable. How exciting! Rob was more than happy to assist. Learning experiences such as these only came around once an eternity or so.
Flippancy aside – while Kismet still possessed room for improvement, this was the most that could be asked of a deity who hadn't seen combat in literal eons. His biggest fuckup had been taunting Rob in the wrong ways, but he couldn't have known about Never Forget Your Rage, that was an excusable oversight. By all other accounts, Kismet was performing adequately.
Even so...
"YoU aRE noTHinG."
The sound of Rob's voice caused two fresh rifts to open up. Kismet flinched, casting a teleportation spell out of pure reflex. Without pause, the HUMAN resumed his hunt.
Nothing. Perhaps that statement was hyperbole – yet it rang true nonetheless. While Kismet may have been a creature of supreme divinity, on the field of battle, his pedigree meant nothing. In the face of an implacable, unstoppable foe, his power was worth nothing. Very soon, he would be nothing, consigned to oblivion by Purging energy.
Rob couldn't help but unfavorably compare Kismet to the final Blight. Weren't these supposed to be two sides of the same coin? Each one-half of an original transcendent Will? Yet the Second Will had brought Rob to the edge of despair...and Kismet was fleeing like a cornered rodent. It was difficult to reconcile the two divinities as theoretical equals.
Although he knew that was an unfair comparison. Rob had fought the Blight before learning Limit Break and Never Forget Your Rage. Kismet wasn't weak.
The HUMAN was just far too strong.
If he rematched the Second Will today, he would beat it to death with his bare hands.
"Look at what you've wrought!" Kismet swept an arm out, gesturing towards some of the many rifts that Rob's presence was tearing open. "Do you understand what will transpire if you persist in this folly?! If the divine realms shatter, then so will all of Elatra! You are on the brink of destroying everything which you have striven to protect! Cease this–"
"CAN'T."
In a flash, Rob dashed forward and scooped out a chunk of the god's mana-body with Purge Divinity. Before he could do more, Kismet shrieked with pain and teleported away, leaving the BERSERKER to crush his prize between five clenched fingers.
"FoRCed mY HAnD." He located Kismet again. "NO GOING BACK."
Stopping wasn't an option. If the divine realms crumbled and Elatra imploded...well, that would be a faster end than what the gods had in store for its people. At least this way their deaths would be quick and hopefully painless – and his friends wouldn't be turned into Skills tortured for all eternity.
Still, Kismet did have a point. Destroying reality wasn't exactly the ideal outcome. There had to be a way to speed up the conclusion of their fight. Rob was certain he would win if given enough time, but he couldn't guarantee it would be before either his body or the divine realms collapsed.
{Ascend.}
Like a snake slithering through a minefield, Leveling High skirted past the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions raging within Rob's mind. He attempted to tune out its voice, yet Humanity's curse refused to be denied, the static loudening until he was compelled to respond. Quit distracting me, he snapped. In case you haven't noticed, I'm FUCKING. BUSY.
{You seek to ensure victory over those who rule above,} Leveling High continued, without missing a step. {As do I.}
Then sit back, shut up, and–
{Ignoring your deficiencies will not make them disappear. This body is...feeble. Incomplete. Unfit to wield the power contained therein. Like a polished sword attached to a brittle hilt, liable to snap in twain at any moment.}
Rob grit his teeth. He couldn't deny Leveling High's assertions. Normally he'd just tell it to piss off, but considering how much was at stake here...
With a feeling like he'd sat down to deal with the devil, Rob sighed. Then what do you propose? That we upgrade my body somehow? I don't think putting more points into Vitality would help, even if I had any to spare. Me being so juiced up on stats is half the problem.
It shook its head. {You have far surpassed the limitations of mortality. Strengthening your power further would be akin to pouring water into an overflowing cup.}
So we...what, increase the size of the cup?
Static akin to laughter echoed inside his head. {We do away with it entirely.}
An icy chill began creeping up Rob's spine, as if the cold hands of fate were working their way towards his neck. He recalled a system notification from days before – 'Your Race has morphed from Human (?) to: Ascending HUMAN'.
Not Ascended. Ascending.
Weeks-old memories came surging to the forefront. 'The Heartkiller is closer to our form of life than those you call friends,' the Blight-child of Elysium had once said. 'As long as you continue to live, eventually, you will become an existence with the power to crush the Others and free the Skills from their shackles. You are no longer one of the Ephemeral. Now, you are a cocoon, metamorphosing into something grander. When you emerge, you will be as the Eternal.'
The Blight-child had laughed at him, then. 'After joining us, preserving these worlds will no longer be your desire.'
Rob grimaced. Denied, he flatly told Leveling High. Whatever you're about to suggest isn't happening.
It scoffed at him. {Your prejudices blind you. Do you think the gods have need of physical bodies? Does it hinder them in any capacity? No – the opposite. By definition, infinity cannot be constrained. Discard this useless flesh, and your conquest of the divine realms is assured.}
Maybe you didn't hear me when I said–
{By all means. Spurn my counsel...and condemn your friends to death. Shall their lives be worth it, in the end?}
Rob sucked in air through clenched teeth.
{Ascend.} Leveling High purred with anticipation. {You are bound by a prison of meat, bone, and blood. Break free. Finish what has already begun. Gaze upon the tapestry of infinity in all its dreadful splendor. Seize victory not as a Human, but as a completed, transcendent HUMAN.}
With a scream to drown out the static, Rob chased after Kismet again and again. The god was in full-on panic mode, eschewing offensive attacks in favor of perpetual retreat, focused wholly on keeping the BERSERKER as far away as possible. He would teleport the instant that Rob laid eyes on him, frantically stalling for his life.
It was – quite unintentionally – providing evidence to Leveling High's claims. If Kismet was on the defensive, catching him would take time they might not have.
I... Rob narrowed his eyes. How would I finish Ascending, anyway? It isn't like I can just flip a switch and make it happen.
{Incorrect.}
He blinked. WHAT?
{You have long since achieved the qualifications for true godhood,} Leveling High explained, in a lecturing tone. {There is no milestone that remains necessary to achieve. Rather than needing to overcome some hurdle of strength or power, the obstacle barring your path is more...arbitrary. Self-imposed.}
Humanity's curse seemed to peer into his soul. When it spoke next, its voice was filled with disgust. {You remain mortal because you wish to do so – both consciously and subconsciously. The Ascension of a nascent deity has been obstructed by cheap sentimentality.}
Rob almost started an argument over its usage of 'cheap', but he exercised restraint, keenly aware that there was bigger fish to fry. Can't do anything about the subconscious. I am \not* activating Melancholy Resistance.*
{Nor should you,} Leveling High remarked, shuddering at the prospect. {A grand statement of intent will be sufficient to shift your mentality. I believe...yes.}
The static churned like a hive of buzzing wasps. {When you next tear off a piece of the leader god's mana...even if just a sliver...devour it. Gorge yourself on their essence.}
Bile threatened to rise to the top of Rob's throat. Seems excessive, he mused, trying and failing to keep his tone lighthearted. To become a god, I eat a god? Wouldn't that make me a divine cannibal?
{You ARE a cannibal.} Leveling High's voice wavered, its veneer of helpfulness slipping to reveal the madness that lay beneath. {What do you think you've been DOING for nearly a YEAR? You kill, ingest your prey's Experience, and MAKE THEIR POWER YOUR OWN. This world is one of consumption and parasitism – devouring a god's essence is merely a more HONEST variant of THE SAME actions.}
...You clearly weren't paying attention during Diplomacy's PR lessons. Rob pursued Kismet once again, pressing his fingernails into his palms when the god hurriedly teleported away. There is such a thing as being too straightforward. If you want people to listen to you, then maybe dress up your words so they don't sound so horrifying.
{BUT AM I WRONG?}
Rob had no answer to that.
Bolts of divine mana peppered his skin. Kismet had barely managed to squeeze an attack in-between his escapes. The bolts ricocheted off Rob's skin like ping-pong balls, leaving minor scrapes and nothing more. It wasn't anywhere close to bypassing Almighty Resistance and his massive HP pool.
Yet it also reminded him of the mana-spears that Kismet had sent towards the rest of Riardin's Rangers. His Party members only possessed a shared, diluted version of Almighty Resistance, and their HP was a fraction of his. If Kismet aimed another attack of that caliber at them...how many would perish, right then and there?
Was Leveling High correct? What point was there to sentimentality if it just got his friends killed?
In truth, Rob knew that it didn't really matter if he completed his Ascension. Based on what he had planned for himself after the gods were dead, little would change either way. Still...he also knew that Ascending would be a one-way trip. No take-backs. If he went through with it, a fundamental part of him would be irrevocably altered.
Something twinged in a corner of his mind. It wasn't Leveling High, or his rage, or any of the other emotions currently dominating his headspace. This was a familiar friend; perhaps Rob's #1 most trusted confidant since he'd first set foot in Elatra. One that had rarely ever steered him wrong.
Paranoia.
And at the moment, it was telling him to be very careful before jumping into the deep end.
Ten teleports.
{What?}
Give it ten more Kismet teleports, Rob said. If I haven't dealt him a serious injury by then....I'll do what I need to do. He grimaced as Kismet vanished before he'd even finished the thought. Ten starting now.
Leveling High's static quieted. It resembled a patron at a restaurant who'd ordered their meal, and was waiting patiently for the main course to arrive.
Rob didn't waste time being offended over its nonchalance. Free of distractions, he immediately swept his gaze across the divine realms, pinpointing his quarry in a micro-instant. The BERSERKER dashed forward, pushing his body as far as he could, layering Rampages on top of Dexterity that made the laws of physics want to curl up and weep.
Kismet was prepared. He'd drawn more mana from the fractured rifts, quickening his speed and reactions. It wasn't much, but it was enough to keep his head above water, not yet outpaced by their continually escalating arms race.
The HUMAN struck, the god fled, and both were left in the same position as before.
{One.}
Rob turned on a dime, charging without needing to look. He'd heard the moment that Kismet's teleport ended. It afforded him a split-second head start.
A gravity well suddenly appeared below his feet, as if a miniaturized black hole was weighing him down. Apparently, Kismet had set it up ahead of time as a just-in-case trap. Rob pierced through the spell's area of effect before it could ramp up to something dangerous, but his pace was slowed by a hair in the process, and his prey escaped.
{Two.}
You know what? Screw this. Rob whirled away from Kismet's newest location and blasted straight towards one of the lesser deities that his Party members were fighting.
He'd been too hung up on getting even with a hated foe – when there were seven other juicy morsels for him to play with. This way, Kismet would either sit back and watch as his allies were massacred, or the god would be forced to act instead of running like a goddamn cowar–
Sense Mana alerted Rob to magic gathering behind.
Pivoting, he leapt into the air. Rob superimposed himself in front of Kismet, bodyblocking the rainstorm of destructive mana that was about to be unleashed upon Riardin's Rangers.
Due to his swift response, the attack was released early. A simple Purge Divinity shield prevented him from incurring any damage. Rob still felt no sense of triumph as the mana dissipated around him. He just wasn't fast enough to kill the lesser gods and protect his Party at the same time – or at least not fast enough that he should gamble their lives on it.
Kismet disappearing a moment later didn't help matters either.
{Three.}
Frontal assaults weren't guaranteed to succeed, and targeting the other gods was a no-go. Could he take Kismet by surprise? Increase his Dexterity?
Rob contemplated mining Never Forget Your Rage for more stats, but swiftly vetoed the idea. His body was already struggling to hold itself together. Putting additional strain on a shaky foundation seemed...unwise.
Plus – at the risk of eating crow in the near future – he didn't actually think it was possible to feel angrier at the gods than he was right now. Seriously, what was left?
He hated them for sending him to a fantasy deathworld. He hated them for tormenting his friends and family. He hated them for being partially responsible for the Blight. He hated them for what they'd done to Elatra and Earth. He hated them for all the lives they'd stolen. He hated them for being the living embodiments of indifference and cruelty. He hated that they fostered good PR among the people they oppressed. He hated how monsters of such craven hypocrisy were also immeasurably powerful. He hated the sensation of divine mana crawling on his skin. He hated the unsettling sound of their voices. He hated their bizarre formless appearances. He hated them for being pompous pricks. He hated whenever they tried to relate to him. He hated whenever they didn't.
Most of all, he hated that they were still alive.
Even if he found out that they'd personally antagonized him since birth or some petty nonsense like that, it wouldn't measure up to the litany of transgressions they'd committed thus far. The blazing inferno within his soul could burn no hotter. Should burn no hotter. For his sanity's sake, if nothing else.
Kismet teleported. It wasn't in response to anything. He'd merely anticipated some sort of action – and was then baffled afterwards when he noticed the rampaging BERSERKER standing quietly in deep thought.
{Four.}
Rob advanced. While he didn't have a plan yet, he'd also learned that if he gave Kismet the slightest amount of breathing room, bad things tended to happen.
Can any of my Skills give me an edge? Unfortunately, he didn't think so. As usual, his lack of ranged options was biting him in the ass when it mattered most. Almost everything he could use required getting in close – which was the whole freaking problem – and none would be more effective than Purge Divinity, regardless.
Maybe I could set up a Waymark point, then catch Kismet's teleport with one of mine...no, that won't work either. The odds of him popping in next to a random Waymark point are slim. Could fill the battlefield with lots of Marks, but even then I have to consider the Skill's activation time. With my current Dexterity, it'd honestly be faster just to run at him.
The vast majority of his abilities simply weren't up to par in a clash with divinity. Limit Break, Purge Divinity, and Never Forget Your Rage had been specifically designed by the Skills to facilitate deicide. Something like Power Slash couldn't possibly compare to jailbroken stats and a touch of death.
As an act of defiance against his own logic, he cast Enmity, the only ability that could feasibly hit Kismet at range. The god casually shrugged off its effect before promptly escaping.
{Five.}
Like a frustrated animal, Rob snarled and gave chase. Just need to keep trying. Kismet isn't perfect.
{Six.}
Sooner or later, he's going to mess up.
{Seven.}
He's going to mess up.
{Eight.}
HE HAS TO MESS UP.
Suddenly, Kismet transformed his right hand into a blade of mana. With one harsh motion, he sliced open his own left arm.
By now, Rob had conditioned himself to never stop moving forward, even if something shocked him – which this sight very much did. His mouth dropped open, and Leveling High paused in the middle of eating its metaphorical popcorn. They still kept advancing without an iota of hesitation.
And ran straight into the mana cloud leaking out from Kismet's wound.
Rob blinked, opening his eyes to a wonderful day. The twisting plains looked dazzlingly beautiful, with fauna and plantlife lit by rays of effervescent light from the twin stars shining above. People cheerfully went about their day, happily shaking their trunks in shows of greeting, or rattling their scales to initiate merry games.
All was at peace.
Until – in unison – everyone froze. The tumult of life went quiet in an instant, replaced with pensive silence.
As if they'd been struck by the creeping, pervasive sensation of being watched.
A sound rang out. Half of them immediately fell over dead, fluids gushing from their ruined bodies.
The survivors could only lay there, crippled and in pain, as more people slowly rose into the air. Invisible fingers seemed to pluck them from the ground – and then began ripping off their limbs, one at a time, like a child dissecting butterflies–
Rob dragged himself back to the present.
It had taken much less time than before to recognize what was happening. Now that he knew what to expect, experiencing the remnant souls' lives wasn't so different from the dreamlike quality of an Attunement vision. Although...realizing that he'd witnessed the end of a world preceding Elatra did cause his thoughts to hitch for a single moment.
Which was just enough for Kismet to forge a spear of mana, then send it plunging through Rob's eye, skull, and brain. Its tip was forged to shred anything it touched, no matter how durable or Resistant.
The god whooped with glee – only to wince as the HUMAN's sole reaction was a long, drawn-out sigh. With an air of exasperation, he reached up and yanked the divine spear free with a nauseating splorch.
His eye had been reduced to a seeping red mess. He closed its eyelid. When he opened it again, the orb within had already Regenerated, now sporting an unamused glare.
It was something of a unique moment. Mid-battle events didn't typically leave both combatants feeling disheartened. The all-powerful god was losing faith that he could ever hope to stop Rob's onslaught...
And the BERSERKER didn't know if he could justify continuing on like this. His body still felt like it was pulling itself apart; if anything, the sensation was growing more pronounced as their battle progressed. While Kismet would make a fatal mistake eventually, Rob couldn't guarantee that he would last long enough to capitalize on it.
Unless he followed Leveling High's advice and–
With a howl that shook the divine realms, Rob launched his stolen spear at Kismet. His aim was true, yet it sailed through empty air, the god's afterimage tauntingly fading away.
{Nine.}
Final chance.
​
--
​
Link to Part 2

About 3 years ago I discovered my wife was cheating on me with a co worker of hers. It was what I guess you would call an emotional friend. I won't get in to the details of how I found out but after confronting her a few times over a few months she finally turned around and ended things with that person. At the same time many issues she had with me came to light and were brought up as reasons for what she did. I took all of this to heart, wanted my marriage to work, and agreed with many of her concerns. This led to a period of reconciliation between us where we we really working on things, and our relationship, love life, etc. was as good as it had been in a while. Things seemed good, I knew she was genuinely remorseful too.
That good period lasted for 9 months or so and then I noticed a change in her behavior towards me. She wanted to be out of the house more, do more things on her own, etc. This was coming out of covid so of course I understood, and supported her as I was fully committed to making things work for her as much as I could. During this time I began hearing about a new employee of hers though. His name always seemed to come up when talking about where she'd been, baseball, things for work, etc. Normal stuff, all good but coming out of being cheated on and the residual affects of that, hearing the same guys name a lot raised a lot of flags.
I expressed my concerns over this which led to a lot of defensiveness but insistence that things were good. I noticed our romantic life began to suffer during this time too, not non existent but very sporadic and noticeably different. More defensives when it came up. Generally she was much more withdrawn, emotionless towards me, just different. I also noticed my wife on her phone texting more, a bad habit from the first instance of cheating, and she always seemed to be texting with this employee. This continued throughout a couple vacations we took, constant texting, taking selfies, etc. She continued to spend more time out and later hours at work during this time too. I raised my specific concerns multiple times, tried to express I was feeling isolated, etc, but the friendship continued.
Things came to a head around that christmas. She became very angry when I again brought up my concerns. During this time she became very resistant and unwilling to make decisions together, make plans, spend time together, ets. and her mood towards me really seemed to change for the worse. I asked about marriage counselling and we did begin attending during this time. This was about a year ago and our love life ended at that time too at her insistence. So we attended counselling for about 3 months, both of us were honest and shared but after a while she pulled away from that. She became very angry and resentful, dissociated from her family and mine during this time too. Brought up past resentments with how they'd treated her in the past. Just overall very angry and negative.
The friendship continued, with her continued insistence it was innocent. over the past year I've noticed some periods of time where shes spent less time with him, less texting, but I mean any amount of it I hope people would understand is harmful to me. Things never went away though and she'd make a show of saying shes with him, etc. or he'd be there with others just so I knew she wasn't hiding anything. I feel my concerns are valid, especially given our past issues and my genuine efforts to work on the marriage and on self improvement.
Recently though on the topic of self improvement I've been noticing a big chasm between how others around me (coworkers, family, etc.) react to me and how my wife does. I feel I'm a very positive person and others react very well to this but my wife maintains this strong wall against me despite my self improvement and consistently more positive behavior in our marriage over several years now, citing past behavior on my part that led to the first affair. This has become harder and harder for me to live with. I despearately want to make my marriage work, for myself, our kids and for every other normal reason. There is just so much to lose and I know I could contribute to a good marriage if we both wanted to work towards one.
She refuses to do that though. Cites past behaviour. But stays in the marriage, etc. It hasnt added up for a while. Why the abject refusal to at least try working on things when were still together with no plans not to be? Like why not at least try. Start with small things, low stakes at the start, build the trust, etc. Doesn't make sense. So recently I've started noticing things and I've found proof after 2 years of this that she has recently been lying about spending time with this employee. Business trip inconsistencies, etc. Scrap notes talking about cuddling, etc, being kissed on the forehead, holding hands, etc. with him when she was supposed to be elsewhere with other people.
So I confronted her with my feelings that something about her recent trip doesn't add up. Can she prove she was where she said she was. I know she cant. She became extremely angry, defensive, threats to leave the marriage, to walk out over me going there. It was bad. I never laid my cards fully out though to prove I know she's lying. I wanted to see if she would admit to anything, she won't. Still insists her friendship with this person has been significantly reduced (it hasn't, again I have proof of lying and that its inappropriate). I'm not sure if its sexual, but there is a clear emotionally supportive friendship happening that is definitely walking the line.
We're at the point now where we are talking separation for the summer. So I can work on my trust issues (yeah again I'm the cause of everything). Part of me feels its ok to try. She says shes still open minded to work on things if a separation helps to improve things but she won't commit. Theres clearly a lot of gas lighting here. I'm torn if this is even worth it or if I'm out of hope. Again there is so much to lose. I love this person so much and know it could work if we were focused on the same things. And of course the impact to my kids that I desperately want to avoid. I understand the emotional cheating is to fill something she wasn't getting from me in the past. But again, lots of self improvement on my part over years now and she has acknowledged I've changed for the better and can be a good husband. But refuses to work on things (despite being together) or to even tell me what she needs different. All I get is that she's traumatized from the past.
I'm looking for advice here. I know what I'm describing is a situation most would walk away from or even not let get this far. But here I am several years later. My strong conviction and desire is to try to earn a chance to make it work together, until the wheels fall off. But I also know I'm at the end of the road now. Am I right to keep trying this last ditch effort? Or am I being misled in it too. I'm so stressed, confused and have been carrying this for years. I know most of the replies will be blunt and that I should leave her, end things, start over. But I'm looking for any advice out there too that could help me stay on the path I've been on, I still have some hope. Please help. I need reassurance I'm still on the right path.

I’m an INFJ (20F) and my first love was an ENTP (19M). Four years ago, (he was 16 and i was 17) he started pursuing me intensely, asked lots of personal questions, debated me, teased me, and was incredibly supportive of my dreams. He would be touchy, flirty, and look at me lovingly. I realized I had caught feelings for him and told him while we were on a walk. He pretended not to hear me 3 times but spammed my phone after I went home until I admitted it over text. Then he asked “what do you want to do about it?” and I said “I don’t know this has never happened before,” (which was true because I had no experience with boys before that) to which he said “Lol another girl told me the same thing today.”
Looking back, I think that he was hurt by my lack of initiative (he was always the one who pursued me, flirted, etc. while I was just sort of quiet and avoidant), but I felt really betrayed by what he said. Other guys would try to talk to me but I literally couldn’t even think of talking to anyone else because I liked him so much, so I expected him to be loyal too. We had never discussed monogamy and the proper response would’ve been to ask him if he wanted to be exclusive, but I was dismissive avoidant at the time and told him to never talk to me again. Seeing that we worked together and lived next to each other, that was not possible. I did a typical INFJ door slam for 3 months, but he kept trying to talk to me and crept back into my life. However, after I confessed he would avoid hanging out with me alone (only with our other mutual friend). When I asked to hangout alone, he said no. But he practically forced me to hangout everyday with him and our other mutual friend, and would never hangout with the other friend alone (only wanted me there). But right before I left for college, he talked about graduating early so we’d both be in the same grade and hanging out more to see my reaction. I really wanted to tell him I loved him but I was so scared of opening up again and him not being responsive and hurting me again.
He really never let me go even after I left for college a year afterwards. We talked for a little bit, but then I told him “I wanted to be with you for the longest time but I’m tired of your games. Bye” and unfollowed him on all socials. He stalked me on burners the whole time we were in no contact. Anyways, I went to therapy last year and healed a lot of my avoidant attachment and learned how to stick up for myself. I realized through more experiences with guys that I’m scared of vulnerability and love and realized that we both self-sabotaged. We reconnected at an event on New Year’s and all my feelings were the same after all these years. He requested me on Instagram the day after and has been watching all my stories. I asked him to hangout alone twice over text during winter break and he made excuses that he was busy (before he would always hangout with me). I want him back really bad but I’m scared that we have too much water under the bridge. I also don’t know if he’s grown from our experiences. I don’t know if he ever loved me or just loved toying with me, but I’ll never know unless I try. I want to tell him that I can’t stop thinking about us, but how do I go about it normally?

Hello! My name is Emily and god I want Coral Island more than anything. It's such an interesting game! I've been a huge fan of farming sims and dating sims for so long that this looks absolutely awesome! It's got so many options for people my character can date, including mermen!!
So I should probably say I tried to buy this game for myself on Steam without realizing that my dinky laptop didn't have enough graphics to even run it. I spent too long trying to get it to work that I couldn't get my money back and I was very sad. This was like months and months ago now though. Basically when it came out of beta or something. I don't remember. Either way, I've been literally dying to play this game more than anything for forever now but I really haven't been able to afford any games.
My boyfriend then recently gifted me my PS5 for a late anniversary gift last week.(Our anniversary was back in March but he was saving up for it). We've been together for 4 years now.💖 We're long distance so he and I don't get to do much besides game together and talk on the phone. He's as much of a fan of games as I am though(even though I am very, very bad at anything that isn't Stardew Valley, My Time At Sandrock, or Disney Dreamlight Valley.)
I know I'm rambling a lot. I'm sorry. I'm disabled so I also struggle to keep my thoughts straight when I'm trying to write stuff out. I just also like to talk a lot so that's also why.
Anyways if you got this far, I appreciate you just reading this. Thanks!
My PlayStation ID: https://forum.psnprofiles.com/profile/573231-emilythetigercat/

IIn late January my girlfriend of almost 5 years left me. I used to be a carpenter a couple of years ago before I made the decision to learn software engineering. I was terrified of taking such a risk and had a lot of anxiety because I was still in a good amount of debt. My ex is the one who helped me enroll and actually supported me through the whole thing. I enrolled in a coding boot camp and tried looking for a part-time job for about 5 months. Turns out I was very qualified to build skyscrapers and handle $100k+ equipment but couldn't land a job at Best Buy, or a simple coffee shop just to pay my bills while I went through school. I eventually got a fun job at an afterschool program since it's centered around sports and I've always been pretty good at all of them.
Once school started nearing its end I had this sense of dread that no company would hire me. I was terrified of having to go through a job search for a software engineer when just a year ago I couldn't even get a minimum-wage job doing the most mundane easy stuff. I fell into a deep depression because of the fear of the unknown. I was suicidal because it felt like every time I put one foot forward toward my goals, something would just move the goalpost. I would wake up every day with suicidal thoughts and would go to bed telling myself I was a loser and everything I was working for would fail eventually. I had so much self-hatred towards myself. It's something I never liked to talk about, coming from a family that doesn't really share feelings. My mom thinks therapists are for people who should be in an asylum. towards the end of our relationship, I tried to tell my ex I wasn't okay. I was getting angry at the smallest things, I didn't want to leave the house and every time I did, I would find a way to ruin the night just so I could go home and be left alone. Eventually, she left me over text and text only.
that same night I got blackout drunk at a bar and woke up walking the main street in my city at 4 am with no phone, no wallet, crying, and with my entire right leg bleeding from mysterious cuts. It was freezing outside, and I couldn't remember where I was because I was still so drunk. I walked to an auto shop nearby and found a junkyard car that happened to be open. I sat inside and cried until the sun came up. I kept looking at the passenger seat hoping my ex would be sitting there telling me that I was okay and she was taking me home. I finally started getting a bit more sober and remembered that my brother lived pretty close to where I was so I ran over there and knocked and slept on his couch.
I hit my rock bottom that night, when I woke up I was still scared and embarrassed but put on a smile so my brother would think I was okay. That morning he took me home and I laid in bed all day throwing up and I told myself I would end it tomorrow. The next day, I texted my ex once asking if we could talk about the breakup. We did and I felt sad throughout the whole thing up until she said "I should've done it a long time ago". Then my sadness turned to anger because she cheated on me before and I had given her another chance. I always tried to work out any issues we had. I was the one who communicated and wanted to talk through any and all our issues throughout the 4.5 years but the second I brought up that I felt depressed and suicidal she leaves me through a text?
That day my only motivation became hatred towards her because had the roles been reversed I would've stayed and helped her through it because that's the person I loved. You should've left me a long time ago? Yeah right, it should've been me the first time you cheated years ago then caught you texting your coworker a year after that.
Since that day I started eating healthier every single day, I have been working out consistently, I practice code daily, I have gotten two job promotions at my job (2 positions below the VP of the company), I've gotten 5 interviews for a software engineer role, I've gotten hit on almost every single time I've left the house by really pretty and nice girls which has only happened like twice before in my life. My skin is the clearest it's ever been, I've been going outside more, and I've even started playing soccer again which I haven't in years. I'm learning Italian and I've gotten pretty damn good at it especially since I also speak spanish. I haven't had any alcohol since, I stopped smoking nicotine (She introduced me to it), I've been practicing the guitar every day and can play it better than I ever had been able to before. I'm spending more time with my family/friends and I have more money to pay off my current debts by August this year. Hell, I even took a cold plunge yesterday which felt great. It's like I can finally see a light in what felt like the darkest tunnel and I'm finally becoming who I used to be

This happened last night, but my phone is still blowing up.
I'm a F28 woman who used my savings to buy my M30 boyfriend, Alex, a PS5 for his birthday yesterday.
He knew he was getting it because he said it was the only thing he wanted. We've been together for four years, so the cost wasn't an issue until I found out what he really thinks of me.
Some background: When I was 18, I dated a guy named Russel who I met online. We broke up after three months, and shortly after, I started dating Mark, a coworker. A few months later, I discovered Russel and Mark were close friends, but I didn’t know this because I hadn’t met Russel's friends.
After finding out, I took a break from dating and met Alex two years later. I was honest with Alex about my past, including the fact that I unknowingly dated friends. He said he understood and that my past didn’t bother him.
Last night at his party, I brought the PS5, and everyone, including Alex, was thrilled. Alex's best female friend, Irene, laughed and said, "I wish I was a thot so I could afford a PS5 too."
I gave her a confused look, and she said, "nevermind," and walked away.
I confronted Alex about it, and he said, "She’s just messing with you. Can’t you take a joke?"
I pressed further, asking why she was calling me names, and he replied, "Everyone knows you were a thot before you met me."
I asked him to explain, and he said, "You know… messing with best friends?"
He then patted my shoulder and said it was okay because I'm not who I was back then. He claimed if he could get over my "colorful past" and "thot mentalities," I should give Jessica another chance.
I didn’t say anything. I just got up, took the PS5 from the gift table, and left.
Alex was furious and called me about 20 times, but I didn’t care. I was so hurt that I took the bow off the PS5 and returned it to the store for a refund.
I thought that was the end, but Alex and his friends, including Irene, are berating me for being petty and say I brought this on myself by making poor choices.
I told Alex he deserves better than me and should find someone who wasn’t a "thot" and get the PS5 from them because I returned it.
He started screaming that I’m "the biggest AH" for returning it and that I should be grateful he ignored my "colorful past."
Now I’m wondering if taking it back went too far.
AITA?

I’m sorry for the read, I believe context is necessary in this case.
I invite adult children of narc/abusive/deadbeat parents to enlighten me. I don’t want to post in any related sub as my sister may recognize our situation.
For context: I(26f) am married with a nonverbal autistic soon-to-be preschooler. I met my husband a year or so after leaving my narcissistic/abusive/emotionally unavailable mom & struggling alone with no help. We got together & moved across the country (US) to be near his family for support, as my family was no help (I had a traumatic, life threatening pregnancy). So we settled in his home state & kept in touch with my sister(21f) who has a different dad than me. She was in a bad situation at home with her dad at the time). She eventually had to move out of his house due to his sociopathy putting strain on their relationship & creating a toxic environment- as if it wasn’t already toxic & disfunctional. She moved in with my husband and I last May & has been sleeping on our couch ever since. I didn’t want to push her as soon as she made the same cross-country trip to get her life together but I did want her to do something to progress toward independence.
It’s been exactly a year since she moved out here & joined us. She has a job & a gym membership & pays her phone bill (on our plan). But there isn’t any movement toward independence. I want to charge her a few hundred dollars rent to save up for her inevitable apartment when she eventually decides to move out of our house. I want her to get a car. I want her to clean up after herself more, take initiative when she should, set financial goals for herself, stop getting comfortable in the unsustainable situation she is in.
I find it hard to chose between whether being her sister is better or being her parent is better. It’s a very sensitive situation for me to navigate. I never had someone to be what I am for her right now. I carry her emotional burden, answer her life questions, guide her through every situation, catch her when she falls, educate myself so I can educate her the best way I can, everything my abusive mother should be to her.
It’s a tough situation but she was assaulted last week while taking her usual bus route from work. I’m driving her to work for the next week while she uses her tax return to buy a lil beater to get her to & from work & the gym. But I need her to understand how important this is. Not only for her to be safe and independent, but also so that I don’t have to compensate for what she doesn’t do while taking care of my high maintenance, busybody son.
How do I talk to her as her big sister but also as her guardian? Does anyone have siblings who you’re parenting? If so, how do you balance the sibling & guardian in you? I’m trying my best every day but I always feel like I could’ve done better. I find myself angry sometimes at the situation and at my absent, careless mother. None of this would be my responsibility if she was a real mother. If anyone needs guidance rn, it’s definitely me. I just want to do this right.