Fake selena gomez pictures

I’m a single mom F(27) of two boys. I reconnected with my childhood crush (let’s call him “R” M(28) and things started out slow and steady mainly because he was shy & inexperienced while I was going through my own issues with court battle and insecurities (college and finances) after leaving my ex years ago. We have this instant connection together, fell in love and both work 3rd shift in healthcare but it was more of a pull and push situation based off our FA attachment. If it helps I’m a Sagittarius Sun, Scorpio moon and he’s an Aries Sun, Cancer moon. I’m a scorpio Venus and he’s a Taurus Venus.
He started taking purposing me more seriously last year (we started talking August of 2022). He wanted me to meet my kids, his family and friends but with school, work and court I just couldn’t make the time and was over our flopping relationship. He started to distance and pop back up now often. I had a feeling he was talking to someone else which he denied. Last October I caught a girl’s text come up on his car play and he denied it saying it was a tenant. December I found her tik tok and found out that she wasn’t and they had a picture together in one of the photo dumps. I confronted him and he blocked me. Telling her we were toxic and nothing serious.
That same December I found out I was miscarrying and failed out of my classes. Since then I’ve reached out but pulled back. He made several fake Snapchats and number to reach out to me. Begging for me back, asking about trying again for a family just for her to post them together. Made plans with me on Mother’s Day just to ghost me.
Everything has been incredibly hard for me. I can’t stop seeing if they’re together. It’s worse because I come from a toxic family and moved back with my mother to focus on school which I can’t now due to my school balance. My support system is worse than ever and my children’s father and wife are just a narcissist nuisance.
I’m so lonely and just want to surround myself with better people, support and positivity but it’s hard when I’m unfamiliar with what that looks like nor have the time to really search out for it. R was like my left hand so it’s hard for me to throw it all away. If anyone has any advice on how to reconnect with one’s self and create a better environment as a single mom please let me know? I’m losing all hope in people & myself.

Hello, I can't sleep and Im getting pills for it. I have been awake for 48 hours now. And things are a bit of blur. But I have realised that I have picked up and extreme urge to write. I dont know how or why, but I crank out amazing short horror stories in 20minutes, and cant remember why. i realise that there are symptoms regarding sleep deprevation but whats happening doesnt match anything I've seeh. So yea the compulsion to write is weird and I have developed an obession of posting them to reddit (this I swear is not one), lying and not knowing why to commenters. I had posted a list about of game I like but not that much, the list was a thousand words, and I spent an hour of time doing nothing else making this list, all of knowledge I'd forgotten about. You can find the rest of the messy mesy story, and I lied and said I was high in one post, and took down countless others. I dont even use reddit that much, always that it was a bit weird, and though. I was mostly wrong, I thought I would come here. I have ADHD and focusing is hard for me, and i have never been so hyperifxated on something like that in my life. And then i started a little log to see where im at during my sleepless night. Each hour. I logged. And Logged And logged. I didnt realise how much i was hallicinating, but I think I was in REM sleep and I somehow retained perfect ability to type on keyboard without seeing and look. I thought that everything I was typing made sense, but after kinda snapping out of it, I realised in horror kind of. So i took my photo booth opened, it and ran a video of me. I was in REM sleep for sure, and i was typing unbelievbly fast. I remember everything, I could think and then my hands would type it. I know it sounds weird, but like my imagination, my subconscious thoughts were being projected somehow. Heres all 3000 words and counting of it. the last couple where I do the test make it unclear, but unless someone actually replies to this, I will save images and photos for later. I am currently still hallucinating but not as badly so pardon my misspellings.
Now I Swear on My Life this is real, none of my friends believe me, my sister does though. please help me
Here it is
-1am feeling tired didn’t get to sleep until three last night, so this sucks
-3am haven’t done any work went don’t disturbing internet mystery rabbit hole. Also what will my screen time look like? Not good.
-5am- That’s when it hits you, the birds and the light, worst feeling ever. Microsleep hit, and I hallucinate myself watching a video. WTF.
-8am-I have been writing a short story for the past 3 hours, wtf is wrong with me. I get out of my room at 8:30, and something shocking, happened, I looked in the mirror and I have a six pack? At first I thought hallucination and dismissed it, went and had nothing for breakfast apart from some ice cream. I am scared.
-9am-taken medication feel fine. I have not eaten much and I am aware it is taking a toll on my weight. I have six pack and look shredded. This is not a good thing.
-10am- all my 2500 word essay got deleted. I notice sleep deprivation and medication, has a weird affect. It masks the affects of sleepiness. I feel fine, no fatigue, could work for ever. I have a 1 hour tutor session, let’s see how that goes.
12pm- Finished tutoring session - felt easy speedy and fine. Am heavily addicted to reddit. I feel like the dexiamphetamine is having an affect on my body which makes me entrenctched into whatever I am doing.
2pm- Got to get ready for kickboxing class junior leadership thing. My face is riddled with pimples. This is caused by a lack of sleep and water and proper nutrients.
5pm- I got home, feel fine, it was really cold though. No signs of cognitive decline like I usually show. Actually I take that back, things have become to become distorted, my eyes are messing with me as a result of the micro-hallucinations I am experiencing. I took 2 more dexiamphetamines, probably a bad idea.
8pm-I feel amazing, but at the same time little work as been done on rave. I am completely and utterly obsessed with writing stories, I spent and hour and a half texting my adventure to London, and I begun to get really descriptive. I am not in a good mental state(Not as in depressed, as in I can’t judge if what im doing is weird, it has to be right?).
9pm- Symptoms are really starting to show now. I have been listening to sad songs whilst I write my English, it is a story so it’s going well.
9:30pm- I have spent too long over many hours compiling a list of things I’d like to see in fallout 5. What the fuck, I am at the point in which I can’t take a step back. Computer screen distorted at time. When I am typing, I keep thinking about how to do the hashing technique using curved lines with a ball point pen. I have wrote probably over 800 words disputing claims about my fallout 5 post.
10pm- I have possibly written an amazing English assignment. My dread in which consumes me, about this assignment is keeping me motivated whilst I listen to music(mainly sad music.) I love the start of the song violent crimes by Kanye west, I had that on repeat for a while until I moved onto other sad songs, because I didn’t want it to burn out (its a great song)
10:30 in bed now feeling weird. I was wondering around and yep im hallucinating, and it sucks ass. Minor ones at the moment, which are good, but it’s more like my mind will think something is there that is not. Does that make sense? But then in the hall way, it was dark and as I turned on the light I saw some fucked up face. Alright now im scaring myself jeez.
10:50 So right now typing this the visual hallucinations have definitly set in, it’s weird that I am conscious enough to witness it happen in real time. This doesn’t feel real. How to describe what I’m seeing, like waves silk-like distortions of everything. Right now I look up and I see like silky distortions of the corner of the roof distort and move. It is significantly worse in the dark, as brain has to make up for a lack of what is there. I turned the light on and yes it is better. They are still there but are minor and less apparent. Legitimately everything scares me, my body is jumping, I guess as my brain is focusing as much maybe, and then when I do hear something out of the ordinary it spooks me. I don’t know why but I feel like all of sudden im just gonna go crazy and it’s like a race against time, but it will be slow and I will see how long I can last. Typing has become significantly harder as I loose control of my motor skill which has happened in a short time of 30 minutes. Wow creepy peripherals make up visuals, idk why that is
-11:20- Taken videos as updates. I feel like this is the quiet before the storm. My brain is making things up and it’s pissing me off. It has revoked my right to type, and everything that is not in my direct peripheral now is some sort of the thing. Like bro every key I type my fucking brain slows down, it’s taken me song long to write this one thing. I can’t think of what I want to say to next, that’s a big one. The changes come on so rapidly and everchanging
-11:40-Brain is sending in backups. My typing speed has increased but my ability to spell words correctly is failing. Right now it’s just not fun. No major hallucinations, just a feeling of dread mixed with a nice side of a painful ass headache and a need to go to the toilet. I find it weird however that when writing, usually a mundane task, my brain kind of goes on autopilot, and I have some sort of visual hallunciaiont, this is weird for the reasons stated, and that my hands seem to be moving themselves, and I am watching them, similar to that somen in black mirror, with the museum. BTW black mirror is NOT something you would want to watch like this. I had dream about white Christmas once, and I felt like I was stuck in there for a million years. #existential crisis right. Ok weird, so it seems like when I disassociate my brain keeps typing, I am having a bit of neural input it seems, but my brain fog which was so present all but 2 minutes ago gone. Ok yea noises are starting to appear a bit. Butt cheeks were clenched. I feel like a lifeless dummy rn. Waiting for next phase. (Prayer emoticon). Also why does my fingers just magically know where all the buttons
12am- And the clock hits twelve. Half way there. At the end of this I will have successfully completed 42 hours. Its not a flex or anything I am aware, its just what choice do I have, try and sleep and be constantly reminded of the overbearing weight of the assignments all due this week?? I don’t want to think about that, no-one does. My fucking bad I managed my time wrong im a fucking kid after all. I am going Canberra college next year and this week has been a step in the wrong direction for me. After mum left everything went to shit. I cannot control myself, I am addicted to gadgets. I need to watch my computer to go to sleep or the google home. I have a compulsion to reddit, and I eat like shit. Chicken in some sort, lie about having vegetables. If I even tried to make a food diary of some sort for these last few days, I would be put on fucking trial for the murder of any chance of bitches. I treated my body like shit. The best word I can describe this week in is - Grunge. Like fucking living in your own shit. That’s how I feel. Everyrnight same routine, go on computer, watch videos until 12, watch google home go to bed. But not really.. Instead I would appear to stay up to 2am or 3am and go to bed, eat some food or something I don’t fucking know. I know I am sleep deprived. It is showing in my works. Weird addiction to writing, my adhd hyperfocuses on something. Drawing and Writing. As I write this my brain tries to seduce me into its gaze. The room or just the essence of living is moving, right to left, like im in a slide, and then left to right, and then so on and so forth. I am afraid this is what happens when you eat nothing but sugar and sugar and sugar, don’t sleep and drug your self on drugs. Skin is just a warning, my body brain will be infected I need to stop. I cannot live unregulated.
12:13am- My eyes heart, everything’s shadow is big and I don’t know how much more of this I can take. It is hell, and Im not even at the micro sleeps. They sound low-key cool. I am waiting to go out, make myself a wrap with butter, and get around the computer as I mindlessly do nothing. I don’t watch YouTube want, other way round, and thoughts of my intentional original purpose, to do work for school, left the window a long time ago. I close my eyes for a split second and I ee a teddy bear. They keep appearing, things are melting, this is it baby, as Jeff Kinney would say, we in for the long haul. I want to keep typing and I don’t know why, partly because it is cool that I have kept typing this long, and partly because what else do I do. Wait for it to consume me. If I had a pen and paper, I could have drawn the images I see on my computer screen, vague but the all have cross hatchings, a term I am learning. And what happen to monkey type, I swear I searched it. Is it the micro sleep? Is it coming. Yea. Maybe not.
12:30am- Writing these becomes a scapegoat for my mind to kinda control me and I don’t like it, so Im going to keep it short. No differences, Battery low I will have to brave it out of room soon. Hallucinations minimal, and chicken in peripheral which is toy and bedsheet, but I can’t see it as anything else. Cute little reference my brains making, but I have two finder files, and my brain this its two cookie monsters lol. Also eyes are still heavy. I have gained complete and even I would go as far to say enhanced motor control, I feel like I can type fast, and I hear every single click on the key and It freaks me out. I intentionally leave errors in here, not many but some, and my stupid ass thinks im going to read this and think it’s all mysterious. Upon further reflection, I may have been having depth perception hallucinations. What is weird is no vivid hallucinations but everything is something if that makes an inkling of sense. Im not really all there any more. Weird how that works. Time perception is completely altered and distorted. I could have sworn twelve o’clock was ten seconds or 1 hour ago. I cannot swear on either, but ten seconds ago? I could have sworn on one, I cannot remember which one anymore. Speaking my thoughts does not make cohesive notes on my problem and predicament, I should refrain, but sometimes my brain naturally does this. Yea saw souls of the damned again when I blinked, weird, and now liminal shit im seeing, because my brain is like ooh scary I should scream now, and then it pumps out all this shit. It has been 6 minutes since I started writing, that sounds about right, but at the same times that was long, very long, marcy long. (Kill her long). I chicken which is a building waves a hammer at my building. It is the side bar on the right side of my MacBook.
12:37: wanted to wait until 12:40 but time sucks ass and is an illusion. You many know by now that my posts have ramblings of random topic and will veer off. This was not my intention, if I write for longer than a minute I loose my grip on my brain, it starts writing what It pleases. I have to think really hard about what I want to write, even then it just autofilled it. Lucky it’s right. Computer percentage critically low. 9%, yet I am filled with joy and dread right now. I think this could be caused by the effect of my dexi’s that I took, like a long term effect, or rather just the lack of sleep. I am deeply disturebed but interested by myself. I now have real hallucinations now. Files are quickly changed to name. And a beigeish green blood phases through my door fast. If I look at my hands wrong they look like they are encrusted in dry blood. I had to think if blood was the gang or Blud was the gang, that is how you know sjits gone down the drain.
1:00: It is officially one-ocklock and I let my brain take the rails once again(don’t let me down). So right now Im feeling fine, but sometimes I will have clear clarity and feel fine, no hallucinations, no nothing, and this will be followed by an intense one that will not be scary just like kind of convincing. One instance I don’t want to forget is me looking through my old video from a couple hours ago. One of them my arms look weird and photoshopped linked down bellow, and I have like a led type trip. I think it could be inspired by those weird ass instagram reels I watch, but Idk, It was me and that pose, changing shape a bit and material. I was real glossy and like twisted and moulded and back to normal it was weird. I couldn’t see my arms, especially my forearms the same after that. One phenomena which is uniquely odd is the compulsion to write here. I can understand a lack of time knowledge and perception, as it is natural of one when under these conditions, but have loose your sanity to a point where you are able to mindlessly drone on about things happening to you, is weird, weird. It initially started off as an idea, one sentence or maximum short paragraph talking about each hour and how the where different to the next. Also just got jumped scared by the image thanks bitch. Whilst righting this I am aware I made a mistake (writing), I feel like I have some consciousness left, but if I don’t blink it really hit me. So I keep blinking to report back to base. Yea the head is tilting sideways turned into like a fucking dragon praying mantis thing for a sec. Right now I feel alright, the dream is supposed to get to me but it is hard for it to pass, I know that I am supposed to feel creeped out but I don’t, I like it when for a second my brain will just think of something and loose it. One truly weird thing is me being able to hallucinate pictures through the writing. Always cartoons, depicted silly and offbeat. I don’t know why though. Yea Ididnt wright that by the way what the hell. The good ole noggin did. My head stopped hurting, and my neck has softened the blow a bit, and takes a bit of pain not much, and the my neck is also is cricitacl condition, after seeing Moby at the fucking side bar again. This time it wasn’t a chicken this was Moby from fucking Moby and ted. Ok now its ahicken peeking its head out back to straight what the fuck am id doing llama fr fr fr
1:13-computer is low, very low, at 4%. I am back by the way, I got sucked in again but got out and read it really quickly. The fr frfr is from the Tyler the creator song fr fr fr this time. Ya know. Ok so not this time but next time iwirite a paragraph or a time, I am going to record myself, and then when I regain my sanity, I will watch the video to see what I look like, when I am truly not with it. I don’t know if the same thing will happen with this paragraph but I hope not. This notice was just a short one but stay safe. One last thing that is not helping me, I am now scared again, I heard stomping in the kitchen , and I know it could be fake but everything there is stomping in the kitchen I am able to know because if there is at this Time of night I feel my heart drop, and I did which helps add to the case. I don’t eellike investigating but igueess if that is my best option then I will but now is not really there right time. When is ithe right time officers saying gtyring to gain media attention from the main. Never get the fuckout of my house.
1-18am(the test?) So this is the test but I obviously need something to talk about and I have a topic. So basically I think I have cracked the case to the nonsense rambling in which I don’t understand myself. It is a literal projection of what is going on inside my mind. You know how sometimes people will take things literally and then you’re like no I didn’t mean it like that, well it’s kinda the same thing. I say something insidede my head but it comes out through my fingers. And it’s odd because it come with such swiftness and such durability. Right now I a doing it it yes made a spelling mistake whilst looking at my green gamer screen. I don’t know how or why this done. I am back to realign. And yea this is odd, not quite the feeling that I get when I completely disassociate. I am starting to think that maybe I am begging to miceslepe these series of events and include e the within the paragraph, it happen a little bit there, and unlike try to be the bait for other final charges, this on has no backing against it. There it is again, little less than the first time, but my mind wonders and my hand followed. What if I thought some truly despicable stuff, something that would surely get me banned from ever participating in it agin. Now no I have to read this later I don’t really want to hut then again, i if it fits thehe description then we have t o. Brain disrupted my train of thought, I think I had important breakthrough, Never imind I id, the breakthrough was that when I am looking or blurring my eyes, the top of my head the curtain and y alien arms along with the righting combnined to create some sort of card with a circle in the middle in which I can only presume is a play ng car. I am currently doing right now let’s describe. So I hastily have the some sort go grounding I am loosening it,. It is a hashing draw g clear as dal, with I big leak on the right side and spills over, probably
1.28am- the big move. Just kidding I just have to get out of bed. Let’s see who wins me our bed.GUESS FUCKING WHAT BABY I WON. So I should probably start with the obvious what the fuck Is actually happening. Yea will I thought I was fully conscious, dogs barking keeping me in there. So my subconscious is a weird weird weird thing. Yea fuck it’s happening again, I didn’t mean to type that. Ok so talk about more later, but if I can spit it out in time, I enter a state of REM sleep when I start typing, and my brain doesn’t understand what is imaginary and what’s not so it fills in gaps, and whilst doing this, inadvertentltly transposes your visual in real life, and your imagination, until it creates a weird state in which nothing is quite real and nothing is fake. God that sounds so pretentiously ominous. In the video my eyelids flicker, which is why this is my main theory, but what amazes me, is 2 distinct things. The first is my ability to type whilst looking away from my computer or with my eyes closed. I don’t misspell words, which is confusing as when testing this to the best of my ability whilst in this state, I don’t get very good results at all. The second is the fact that I am fully aware of what is happening. I am able to translate what is happening in my mind to the document, with a little bit of brain fog mixed in, which is obvoiusly going to happen in things like this.

It seems like I dont really vibe with a lot of types (obviously i'm not using MBTI as an end-all-be all but i've seen shit line up all too well).

• I immediately disqualify any extroverted type - they're just not for me. Extrovertedness is not something I'm looking for in a relationship. It's too big of a clash over the long haul. I don't need someone to bring me out of my "shell", I do just fine on my own.
  
• INFP: I like them and I feel they're a really good opposite in a relationship (me INTJ man, her INFP woman). I can deal with their emotional side because (sexism incoming) it's cute when a woman does it. However, sometimes there are a lot of head-shacking / "for fuck sake" moments.
  
• INFJ: That fairytale romance where two lost souls understand each other.... until the INFJ just becomes all fake, manipulates and paints a picture that's not real (if you know what i'm saying). Almost amazing compatibility ruined by some a couple massive "flaws".
  
• INTP: Perfect "mindmates" but too much of "us", can't trust them (flaky/morals) and it feels like two depressed mfs walking in unison and there's no sign of "sunshine".
  
• INTJ: Fuck no, what a headache to deal with another me.
  
• All the rest of introverted types just don't do it for me and never have.
  

It seems like it's just a revolving door of ENFPs, INFPs, INFJs in my life.
What gives?

>>Well if house music was air, and Doctor Love would be my song, and I would only take deep breaths and fill my lungs with the rhythm or the bass<<
I went to Lightning in a Bottle last year, and I came home with a sense of hope and optimism for the future for the first time in a decade, so of course I had to go back. How can you not go back to the event that gave you a sense of hope and optimisnm after a decade? It wasn't as revolutionary --- how could it be? you can't have a life changing moment every year, that would be exhausting --- but it was fantastic, and suffused with a sense of play, being a little kid on a playground running around with my friends, a thing i never had as a kid.
I went to the woogie/do lab on Friday night to use it as a ground, because it's the do lab, it's the safe space, the grounding place. But by the end of the night it had inverted and all of Lightning was the safe-grounding place, and over the course of the weekend .... I've been going to Coachella since 2005, right? and i'm gonna keep going for as long as i can, camping with my friends, but ... i don't know if it's the size of the crowds or the vibe of the crowds or the way the music is a tool to create atmosphere and experience or not ... but over the course of the weekend i realized that Coachella is no longer my favorite festival; Lightning is. And this year was perfect.
Last year I went with some friends and some people they knew, and my friends weren't coming back, and I assumed the overall group had fallen apart (and didn't check, which was me being a dick, and i feel guilty for it), and i was all set to do it alone, btu the day after Coachella i signed up with jury_rigged, who was busy organizing a group camp, because it's more fun with a pack. And then the rest of my group from last year and a bunch of their friends joined up, creating a camp of 30 where like half of us were loosely connected through the backbone of last year's camp and the other half were strangers ... but the weekend forged us into a pack, festival family, and it was great. Except for Friday, when I got separated and needed the solo time, I spent the whole weekend with a constantly changing set of people who would unite and disperse and unite and disperse over the course of the night, and it was wonderful.
I arrived Wednesday afternoon. One of the great benefits of group camp is that you don't all have to arrive at the same time, but I wanted to be there on day one. I was running a bit later than expected because I'd not finished packing on Sunday the way I'd hoped (and because I had to go to the office both Monday and Tuesday, an unusual state of affairs). I got in, emptied my car, moved to overflow parking, started setting up, then ran off to help a friend lug her stuff from the distant suburb of GA parking (one of the disadvantages of group camping is your group is larger than the number of cars allowed to be there, so many people end up having to lug stuff from point A to point B, and depending on what you signed up for, it could be a long, tiring schlep through dusty heat). Later that night, those of us who were there wandered into the festival to explore and check out the art --- a giant wooden snail you could climb up, a mesmerizing tesseract that turned even more mesmerizing later in the week when i was tripping, a trippy tent-teepee structure with an inner chamber that was atmospherically perfect, a wierd fake bodega with a graffiti-covered bus stop featuring a bird patiently waiting for a bus, a complicated structure involving a video library and a room full of globes, giant circular hammocks ... i don't remember any music from Wednesday night, but that may be a failure of memory. :)
Thursday more people arrived in the morning, and then in the afternoon a bunch of us went to go see fleetmac wood (playing at woogie/do lab), a great house band that specializes in Fleetwood mac covers. After, I wandered around a bit, and ended up at Lis, a stunning musician who used a clarinet as a centerpiece for dance music, playing in a stage curated to look like an old west town square. I made it to the opening ceremony at the fire pit, and ate an absolutely fantastic roasted ear of fresh corn. Much of the rest of the night is a blur, although I know I rammed into someone's scooter accidentally at one point and then twisted my ankle, resulting in me sitting on a yoga mat while my friend was dancing for el papachango and then falling asleep, yielding one of my favorite pictures of me ever.
I'd told myself I was going to do more workshops and what not, and one of the things i really wanted to do was a mascuiline alchemy circle, but I ended up deciding that it probably wasn't cool to show up to that stoned out of my mind, so I skipped it (next year i'll have to remember to stay sober for stuff like this during the day). I did, however, make it to a guided meditation involving pulling energy back from things as a way of helping heal fragments of my soul that have gotten stuck in places, and that was fantastic; I've been doing that most days since I got back.
Friday night my pack wanted to go in for Tycho, which was ... ok? i'm not a huge Tycho fan, he normally bores me, and he's deeply associated in my memory with a former friend who is one of the few people in my life I still have lasting negative feelings about; i was able to enjoy the set, but ... i'm never going to seek him out and he's never going to truly get my soul moving. After, we moved to floating points (i ate mushrooms), and then fatboy slim, who was absolutely mindblowing. The group scattered at fatboy, and I ended up trekking across the grounds to see the end of James Blake, whose voice is (as always) sublimely beautiful. I had some food and hung out listening to isoxo, who was a lot of fun, and then started into scream, which ... i mean, i like scream, he was a huge part of my early 30s musically, but man do i detest britstep mc culture where the mc is just constantly babbling hype nonsense over the music i'm trying to hear. For some reason it was way more obnoxious at lightning than at Coachella. So I wandered back to woogie for the end of Adam 10 x Mita Gami, who was great. (Again, the night after that is a blur, but I eventually ended up at the fire for a ritual of gratitude).
Saturday I don't think I moved until my crew wanted to go in. we made it to woogie for a bit of nora en pure, then dropped back to thunder for elephant heart, an absolutely delightful and wholesome married couple (with kids in the trailer!) who came out of the Lightning community and who absolutely got the crowd moving (despite the cloud of black smoke that passed over the festival briefly, apparently the result of someone deciding to use a gas generator in the backseat of their car. that's not the move, y'all.) I'm not sure what we did next, although I assume we saw some of Galen, and somewhere along the line I started a roll. Justin Martin was absolutely fantastic, and after that the group split; a new friend and i ended up in the center of --of the trees-- who were fun, and then tipper, which was an absolute banger of a set to dance to. there's a blur in my memory for a while and then we ended up at Skrillex's surprise Saturday night set, which was a lot of fun; then back to the fire for gratitude and a walk back to camp as the sun was rising.
Sunday, again, moving during hte day is hard. My whole crew, basically, tried to go to Rufus but only I staued; we regroobed at woogie for bob moses (an immense amount of fun while tripping), then nia archives and damian Lazarus. a lot of wandering after that, including what appeared to be an amazing set by juan g while we were trying ot use crossroads as an assembly point for clozee and a really fun late night set by lafa, and eventually (again) the fire and the sunrise.
It was a great weekend. I'm still a little bit high from it (the decompression party yesterday helped, as have daily gratitude rituals and redoing the meditation from Friday). I'm not flying as high as I was last year --- this is more grounded, but it also feels more solid, like it might last longer this time. (Hopefully there won't be the stress of a strike to shatter me like last year).
I hope all ya'lls summer is starting off well. I love you all and i'm glad we get to share this space together. :)

Okay so I don’t really know where to begin… I would say we started our relationship in October 2023 and by November he had bought me an engagement ring and had made me and my family aware of his intentions. I’ve always wanted a cute proposal which I didn’t have the chance to experience because we both knew that if we got to know each other then it’d be for marriage. One day I was feeling overcome with sadness and guilt for my actions in the past (unrelated to him and before I got to know him) and his attempt to make me feel comfortable to share these actions with him, included telling me all of his deepest secrets. This included drinking, a PA since the age of 11 where he even paid for calls, being exposed to disgusting acts during house parties/clubs. I have never drank, only went to maybe three parties when I was in school and had never been to a club. I had mentioned how disgusted I was by those things because he told me he felt the same way and how he’d never even go near alcohol or porn. The next day, he took all of that back and said he had exaggerated these things to make me feel sorry for him. He only listened to videos and felt incredibly guilty about watching them, he was forced by friends to drink and it was only on one occasion, he only went to a few parties where only once he accidentally walked into a room where a group of people were doing something explicit. I felt distraught and didn’t know what to believe. I felt so hurt. In order to make me feel better, he talked me through his entire past in detail and explained everything truthfully, which was helpful but I still didn’t know what to believe. I feel like since then so much has happened between us and we argue all the time. There are so many more issues, one example is that when we first began speaking to each other I tried to ask about his past crushes and girlfriends (obviouslyyyy) he said no one ever found him attractive and he had never liked any girl at his school. I kept pushing, being a nosy person, and eventually he said he didn’t like any students but he liked his teacher. He had sent me a picture of him and this teacher before, she was young pretty and looked nothing like me lol. I found this hard to get over, maybe because he had only called me, her and one other girl attractive so there’s really nothing else I can compare to or maybe because he claims he never said that, or that I misinterpreted it or that he doesn’t know why he was trying to put on a front when first speaking to me in the early days. I feel like I’m going crazy because I’m certain he did say that. He also loses his patience with me easily and talks to me so rudely at times.
Situations like this happen a lot, we always fight and he always asks me to explain what I feel. When I do, he tells me I’m being unfair but still apologises and says that I’m allowed to feel that way. This is also so confusing to me, the apology sounds fake or insincere as he always says “I’m sorry but…” and proceeds to defend the act he is apologising for. Sometimes I try to deal with things on my own and I always wonder, if he found out he’d be so upset or heart broken so I try not to do that to him. When I eventually end up telling him, he doesn’t even seem phased, he never says things like “I’m so sorry I can’t believe I did….” Or “I’m so sorry I didn’t notice you felt…” it doesn’t even matter if it’s true, I’ve told him in moments like that, that’s the type of comfort I need.
The end of each of our arguments is always the same, he says he is clearly not good enough for me and that I should tell him what the next step is (implying I should leave him even though that’s clearly something we don’t want). This frustrates me because his only solution is ending things when I know that’ll never happen and he never says it with words, he just talks about how bad he is and then says “so what do you want to do about it?” Aghhh I’m going crazy just typing this.
Anyways last week, I brought all this up and the same exact thing happened. At that point I had had enough and since then no matter what has bothered me and how bad, I stay quiet and swallow my feelings. This sadness has been noticed by him, my family, my mums friend and they’ve all asked him why I’m so sad, his response is just to look at me with those see I’m not the only one who thinks you’re sad eyes as if it’s a good thing that he’s right. The past few days, our drives have been silent, when we get to my house we sit in the car silently and I begin to get teary or upset which he sees, I then say “okay I’m just going to go” and he says “okay bye” and I pathetically cry by myself at home lol.
Sorry this post is all over the place. I’m so upset that we will never go back to how we used to be and that this will be my life forever. I just don’t know how to talk to him anymore. Please feel free to ask more questions as I cannot just dump 8 months of scenarios in one post ahaha. Thanks in advance!

I came out to my friends last year in August/September. I'm 4 months into HRT - and I'm starting to think some of them are annoyed with me over it.
One friend of mine has a band and they play a few concerts a year. I didn't really know half of his band very well - but got to know them better in July of last year when I took some pictures for them and helped them with their album covers. The vocalist seemed... weird. I was quite annoyed with him all throughout the photoshoot cause he was behaving like a child and/or made weird out of left-field remarks that made my bigot radar go off.. Like when he didn't know what do say, or what to do with his hands, he did the "Andrew Tate" hand thing. Or made snide remarks about "h4h4 women" or some such - but much more veiled.
Then came December - and with it my friend's birthday. We were sitting across from each other and we started talking. He dumped a bunch of bullshit about his ex-girlfriend on me - that REALLY smelled like misogyny. He was grieving about he "did stuff for her" and how he was sad that she didn't want to have sex with him despite his efforts. I tried to actually engage with him, be empathetic AND explain to him how he's not entitled to that just because "he does nice things for her". Then he jumped up yelled "Andrew Tate! Andrew Tate! Andrew Tate!" and did the hand thing again... like a goddamn toddler. And then completely switched to just talking about how "women bad". Dude was almost crying just a few moments ago.
I challenged him and tried to tell him how that's a bunch of bullshit etc. But it was like a switch flipped, and he started just going all out with misogyny. I got angry - but kept it together and calmly talked to him. Anything I said though - he just kinda didn't understand or ignored. Mind you - we were literally having a 1 on 1 conversation. He then started to talk about how climate change is fake, how immigrants should all be sent back to where they came from... how middle eastern people are just inherently too closely related to each other, criminal etc.
I was super angry at that point and people around us had started to listen in and make remarks. He then started talking about how he'd like to rent a Hummer Truck and squash climate protesters. I cussed at him. He then started talking about how he thinks "lefties" should all be hanged, along with all the immigrants. I got so fucking angry I went completely mute and had to physically keep myself from jumping up and hitting him. He then started to talk about bathrooms and how trans people are pedophiles and what should be done to them.
Mind you, I was already out at that point, but for various reasons didn't present much differently. One of them, because I felt like presenting more femme would lead to exactly those kind of people being fucking assholes. Hence why I didn't even bring up pronouns, name - let alone dress differently.
Before he could finish, I interrupted him, motioned for him to get closer, and told him that I am going to get up and sit somewhere else, because if I don't I'm going to have bash his face in. I then got up, and walked on over to the other side of the reserved area to talk to someone else.
I did that mainly, because I didn't want to ruin my friend's birthday. I was literally done talking and was about to just bash this asshole's face in. It took everything I had not to just punch him square in the jaw.
Either way - I NEVER told my friend about it. But... from that point forward every cell in my body HATED doing anything for their band. I REALLY didn't want to do anything that would benefit this fucking asshole. Hence why I didn't help them with their T-Shirts and a bunch of other stuff.
Then came their first concert. I always loved going to my friend's concert. He's literally the first person I came out to, and if he hadn't been there I would still be in the closet. He doesn't get it - I think - but he's been nothing but a stellar friend in the last 15 something years.
I felt INCREDIBLY BAD about not wanting to support his band any further. I felt really sad about not wanting to go to his concerts - because of his vocalist. I texted him and told him I'm incredibly conflicted about coming to his concert. That I'd love to because I genuinely like going to his concerts - and would like to support him in the same way he supported me.. but that my entire body is averse to even so much wasting a single second supporting anything his vocalist does. He told me that it's fine - that I've been to many of his concerts before, and that he'd rather I stay home than me miserable at the concert.
Another concert is coming up in a month or so... and I'm not sure if I should just swallow my pride and go. I feel like I'm a terrible friend if I don't. Plus, I miss spending time with him and would really like to just have a fun night with him / supporting him.
I'm also worried that everyone in my friend circle is starting to get annoyed by me being trans. The group we had has started to die down - and since I came out last year one person just completely started ghosting everyone - and another has repeatedly said that they'd like to hang out... but it's been 11 months since I saw him... despite repeatedly asking him if he wants to hang out, and him saying he does.
There's another thing... I'm incredibly happy. The happiest I've ever been. And I often ask others if they want to do stuff - bring up ideas etc. But it feels like the more I express desire to do fun stuff together - the faster people pull away. I'm anxious that all the "extra" stuff - like me not wanting to support the band anymore - and me being super happy is something they are all starting to be annoyed with.

I'm seething right now, so I truly apologize if I come off as terrible and if this is jumbled. I (F21) am an introvert and I do not trust a lot of my extended family. I don't trust easily, and I am only comfortable around like 6 people. Back in November, my grandmother's husband passed away. My grandma made a deal with me and my mom that every Sunday, she would have me and my mom over for lunch or dinner. Strictly nobody else. Me and my mom never told anyone about this because it was supposed to be in secret. Here's where my aunt comes into the picture. Someone from her side of the family drove by my grandmas house and saw that we were over there. They told my Aunt about it and she made a big deal over it. We don't want her over because she always makes everything so miserable. All she ever does is talk about how I need to make more money and how my mom should have quit her job and send unwanted job applications. My mom has told her COUNTLESS times that she is not interested. Recently, my mom also had a stroke and is NOT ABLE to work, but no. This dumb bitch won't get the hint that my mom can't work. She also hates my grandma too, so I don't understand why she's always up everyone's butt trying to be invited to somewhere she isn't really wanted. Here's the kicker, my mom is defending it a little but and making me pretend to like my aunt. I am grown, but they make me go because I still live at home. I've been absolutely done with my aunt since I was old enough to see the BS that this woman does. She's rich and acts like they have the worst financial situation, she's told my grandmother that she's faking her severe nut allergy, and constantly puts me down for the way I do my makeup and how I dye my hair AND the way I dress. It's none of her concern what I do with my style. I've been so sick of her. Now I have to pretend to be nice to her. Dinners aren't even enjoyable anymore. Nobody wants to be around her including me.
Again I'm sorry if I come off as entitled or mean. I really don't want to come off that way. This has been going on for months and my grandma refuses to tell us beforehand. My aunt is a very hurtful person to most people she comes across.
Tl;dr: my aunt has to insert herself into meetups she isn't invited to and I am forced to deal with it.

Feel free to ask me any questions. Shipping is free on orders over $20. Not every bottle is listed on the picture, but I can provide pictures if requested.
Shipping - US Only , Canada (Shipping Cost)
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Decant Bottles :
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Aaron Terence Hughes Official 10MLs
https://postimg.cc/gallery/TKKKfXG
Armani Code EDT :
1ml: $7 2ml: $8 3ml: $10 5ml: $13 10ml: $16
Armani Code Parfum :
1ml: $7 2ml: $8 3ml: $10 5ml: $13 10ml: $22
Armani Code EDP :
1ml: $7 2ml: $8 3ml: $10 5ml: $13 10ml: $16
Armani Code Absolu :
1ml: $7 2ml: $8 3ml: $10 5ml: $16
Armani Code Absolu Gold :
1ml: $7 2ml: $8 3ml: $10 5ml: $16
Armani Stronger With You Tobacco:
1ml: 9 2ml: $12 3ml: $15 5ml: $17 ​ ​ 10ml: 25
Armani Stronger With You Intensely:
1ml: 9 2ml: $12 3ml: $15 5ml: $17 ​ 10ml: 24
Armani Stronger With You Leather:
1ml: 9 2ml: $12 3ml: $15 5ml: $17 ​ ​ 10ml: 24
Armani Stronger With You OUD :
1ml: 9 2ml: $12 3ml: $15 5ml: $17 ​ ​ 10ml: 24
Atelier Cologne Musc Imperial :
1ml: $7 2ml: $8 3ml: $10 5ml: $16 10ml: $19
Atelier Cologne Orange Sanguine :
1ml: $7 2ml: $8 3ml: $10 5ml: $16 10ml: $19
Angel Mugler A Men :
1ml: 6 2ml: $9 3ml: $12 5ml: $15
Alien Mugler EDP Intense :
1.2ml : $7 ( Official Sample )
Argos Triumph Of Bacchus:
1ml: 8 2ml: $12 3ml: $17 5ml: $23
Argos Danae :
1ml: 8 2ml: $12 3ml: $17 5ml: $23
Aaron Terence Hughes Daddy:
1ml: $13 2ml: $18 3ml: $24
Aaron Terence Hughes Addicted :
1ml: $11 2ml: $15 3ml: $19
Aaron Terence Hughes Hard Candy Elixir :
10ML Official : $75
Aaron Terence Hughes Hard Candy :
1ml: $13 2ml: $18 3ml: $24 10ML Official : $75
Aaron Terence Hughes Onyx :
1ml: $13 2ml: $18 3ml: $24 10ML Official : $59
Aaron Terence Hughes Onyx Extreme:
1ml: $13 2ml: $18 3ml: $24
Aaron Terence Hughes Homme :
1ml: $9 2ml: $15 3ml: $19
Aaron Terence Hughes Slut :
1ml: $13 2ml: $18 3ml: $22 10ML Official : $69
Aaron Terence Hughes Slut Elixir :
1ml: $13 2ml: $18 3ml: $24 10ML Official : $79
Aaron Terence Hughes LUNA :
1ml: $9 2ml: $12 3ml: $19 5ml: $29
Aaron Terence Hughes Notorious :
1ml: $13 2ml: $18 3ml: $24 10ML Official : $69
Aaron Terence Hughes Supernova :
1ml: $13 2ml: $18 3ml: $24
Aaron Terence Hughes Jasmine Narcotique :
1ml: $9 2ml: $12 3ml: $19 5ml: $26
Aaron Terence Hughes Boss Bastard :
1ml: $9 2ml: $12 3ml: $19 5ml: $28
Aaron Terence Hughes Ozone :
1ml: $13 2ml: $18 3ml: $24
Aaron Terence Hughes Gardenia Blanc:
1ml: $9 2ml: $12 3ml: $19 5ml: $26
Aaron Terence Hughes Tabac :
1ml: $13 2ml: $18 3ml: $24
Aaron Terence Hughes Patchouli Noir :
1ml: $9 2ml: $12 3ml: $19 5ml: $26
Aaron Terence Hughes Legend :
1ml: $9 2ml: $12 3ml: $19 5ml: $26
Aaron Terence Hughes Fever :
1ml: $9 2ml: $12 3ml: $19 5ml: $26
Aaron Terence Hughes Blue Fever :
10ML Official - $69
Aaron Terence Hughes Carbon : (Pending)
1ml: $9 2ml: $12 3ml: $19 5ml: $26
Aaron Terence Hughes Fake Noir:
1ml: $9 2ml: $12 3ml: $19 5ml: $26
Aaron Terence Hughes Fake :
1ml: $9 2ml: $12 3ml: $19 5ml: $26
Aaron Terence Hughes KxxT :
1ml: $9 2ml: $12 3ml: $19 5ml: $26
Aaron Terence Hughes Aura :
1ml: $9 2ml: $12 3ml: $19 5ml: $26
Aaron Terence Hughes Guapo :
1ml: $9 2ml: $12 3ml: $19 5ml: $26
Aqua Di Parma Mandorlo Di Sicilia:
1ml: $6 2ml: $8 3ml: $10 5ml: $14 10ml: $16
​​Aventus Cologne By Creed :
1ml: $10 2ml: $15 3ml: $17 5ml: $24 10ml: $34 ​ ​
Amouage Jubilation XXV :
1ml: $10 2ml: $14 3ml: $18.99 5ml: $24
Amouage Opus XIV Royal Tobacco :
1ml: $10 2ml: $16 3ml: $22 5ml: $25
Amouage Opus XIV Reckless Leather :
1ml: $10 2ml: $16 3ml: $22 5ml: $25
Amouage Reflection Man :
1ml: $10 2ml: $14 3ml: $19 5ml: $24
Amouage Interlude Black Iris :
1ml: $10 2ml: $14 3ml: $19 5ml: $24
Amouage Interlude Overture Man :
1ml: $10 2ml: $14 3ml: $19 5ml: $24
Amouage Meander :
1ml: $10 2ml: $14 3ml: $19 5ml: $24
Azzaro The Most Wanted EDP Intense :
1ml: $7 2ml: $9 3ml: $12 5ml: $16 10ml: $22
Azzaro Wanted By Night Parfum ( New Silver Bottle ) :
1ml: $7 2ml: $9 3ml: $12 5ml: $16 10ml: $22
Bond No 9 Lafayatte Street :
1ml: $10 2ml: $13 3ml: $16 5ml: $19 10ml: $25
Bond No 9 New York Nights:
1ml: $10 2ml: $13 3ml: $16 5ml: $19 10ml: $25
​Bond No 9 I love NY :
2ml: $8 ​ ​
BDK Gris Garnel EDP :
4ml: $15
BDK Velvet Vanilla:
2ml: $13
Bvlgari Aqva Amara :
1ml: $8 2ml: $12 3ml: $15 5ml: $19 10ml: $25
Bvlgari Man In Black :
1ml: $7 2ml: $9 3ml: $12 5ml: $16 10ml: $22 ​ ​
Bvlgari Rain Essence:
1.5ml: $8 (official) 2ml : $9 3ml : $12 5ml : $16 ​ ​ 10ml: $25 ​ ​
Bvlgari Wood Neroli :
1ml: $7 2ml: $9 3ml: $12 5ml: $16 10ml: $22 ​
​Bleu De Chanel EDT :
1ml: $6 2ml: $9 3ml: $12 5ml: $16 10ML : $19
Bleu De Chanel EDP :
1ml: $6 2ml: $9 3ml: $13 5ml: $17
Bleu De Chanel Parfum :
1ml: $8 2ml: $11 3ml: $15 5ml: $19
Burberry Hero EDP :
1.5ml : $ 7 ( Official Sample ) ​
Chanel Allure Homme Eau Extreme :
2ml: $15 3ml: $17 5ml: $19
Chanel Allure Homme Edition Blanche :
2ml: $15 3ml: $17 5ml: $19
Creed Aventus EDP :
1ml: $10 2ml: $15 3ml: $17 5ml: $24 10ml: $34
Aventus Cologne EDP :
1ml: $10 2ml: $15 3ml: $17 5ml: $24 10ml: $34
Carolina Herrera Bad Boy Le Parfum :
1ml: $6 2ml: $8 3ml: $10 5ml: $15 10ml: $22 ​ ​
CH MEN Pasion :
1ml: $6 2ml: $8 3ml: $10 5ml: $15
​Carolina Herrera Bad Boy EDT :
1ml: $6 2ml: $8 3ml: $10 5ml: $15 10ml: $19 ​
Cartier Declaration Haute Fraicheur :
1ml: $6 2ml: $8 3ml: $10 5ml: $15 10ml: $19 ​
Coach Green For Men EDT :
1ml: $6 2ml: $8 3ml: $10 5ml: $15 10ml: $19 ​
2ml : $7 ( official Sample )
Coach New York For Men EDT :
2ml : $7 ( official Sample ) ​
​Calvin Klien Eternity For Men :
1.2ml : $7 ( Official Sample ) ​
Dolce & Gabbana The One EDP :
1ml: $6 2ml: $9 3ml: $11 5ml: $15
​Dolce & Gabbana Mysterious Night:
1ml: $6 2ml: $9 3ml: $11 5ml: $15
Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue Forever :
1ml: $6 2ml: $9 3ml: $11 5ml: $14
Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue Italian Love :
1ml: $6 2ml: $9 3ml: $11 5ml: $15
​Dior Homme Cologne :
1ml: $6 2ml: $9 3ml: $11 5ml: $15
​Dior Homme Parfum :
1ml: $9 2ml: $15 3ml: $17 5ml: $24 10ml: $34
​​Dior Homme Intense :
1ml: $9 2ml: $11 3ml: $15 5ml: $18 10ml: $24
Dior Suavage EDT :
1ml: $7 2ml: $9 3ml: $13 5ml: $16 10ml: $19
Dior Suavage Elixir :
1ml: $10 2ml: $14 3ml: $17 5ml: $19 10ml: $26 ​
Guerlain L’homme Ideal Parfum :
1ml: $10 2ml: $13 3ml: $15 5ml: $19
Guerlain L’homme Ideal EDT :
1ml: $8 2ml: $9 3ml: $13 5ml: $16 10ml: $19
Guerlain L’homme Ideal EDP :
1ml: $8 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $16 10ml: $19
​Guerlain L’homme Ideal Extreme :
1ml: $8 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $16 10ml: $19 ​
Guerlain L’homme Ideal Cologne :
1ml: $10 2ml: $15 3ml: $18 5ml: $22 10ml: $27 ​ ​
Guerlain L’homme Ideal Platini Prive :
1ml: $10 2ml: $13 3ml: $16 5ml: $19 10ml: $26 ​
​Guerlain L’homme Ideal Sport :
1ml: $10 2ml: $15 3ml: $18 5ml: $22
​Guerlain L’homme Ideal Cool :
2ml: $15 3ml: $18
Givenchy Gentlemen EDT Intense :
1ml: $7 2ml: $9 3ml: $10 5ml: $13 10ml: $17 ​ ​
Givenchy Gentlemen Boisee EDP :
1ml: $7 2ml: $9 3ml: $10 5ml: $13 10ml: $17 ​
Givenchy Gentlemen Reserve Privee :
1ml: $7 2ml: $9 3ml: $11 5ml: $15 10ml: $19 ​
Givenchy Gentlemen Society Extreme :
1ml: $8 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $17 10ml: $24
Givenchy Gentlemen Society :
1ml: $8 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $16
Goblin Parfums Rogue :
1ml: $10 2ml: $12 3ml: $15 5ml: $17 10ml: $22 ​
Goblin Parfums Humidor :
1ml: $10 2ml: $12 3ml: $15 5ml: $17 10ml: $22 ​
​Givenchy PI EDT :
1ml : $7 2ml: $9 3ml: $10 5ml: $13 10ml: $17
Hugo Boss The Scent Magnetic :
1ml: $7 2ml: $12 3ml: $14 5ml: $19 10ml: $24
​Hugo Boss The Scent Le Parfum :
1ml: $7 2ml: $9 3ml: $12 5ml: $15 10ml: $19
​ ​Hugo Boss The Scent Private Accord :
1ml: $7 2ml: $9 3ml: $12 5ml: $15 10ml: $19
​Initio Narcotic Delight :
1ml: 9 ​ 2ml: $14 3ml: $18 5ml: $24
Initio Oud For Greatness :
1ml: $10 2ml: $13 3ml: $16 5ml: $19 10ml: $26 ​
Initio Paragon :
1ml: 9 ​ 2ml: $14 3ml: $18 5ml: $24
Initio Side Effect :
1ml: 9 ​ 2ml: $14 3ml: $18 5ml: $24
Initio Rehab :
1ml: 9 ​ 2ml: $14 3ml: $18 5ml: $24
Issey Miyake Noire Ambre :
1ml: $11 2ml: $14 3ml: $17 5ml: $22 10ml: $26
Issey Miyake Nuit Dissey Parfum :
2ml: $4 3ml: $6 5ml: $9 10ml: $17 ​
Issey Miyake L’eau Dissey EDT :
2ml: $4 3ml: $6 5ml: $9 10ml: $17 ​
Jean Paul Gaultier Le Beau Paradise Garden :
1ml: $11 2ml: $15 3ml: $18 5ml: $21​
Jean Paul Gaultier Le Male :
1ml: $7 2ml: $12 3ml: $14 5ml: $15 10ml: $19 ​
Jean Paul Gaultier Ultra Male :
1ml: $7 2ml: $12 3ml: $14 5ml: $17 10ml: $21
Jean Paul Gaultier Le Male Le Parfum :
1ml: $7 2ml: $12 3ml: $14 5ml: $17 10ml: $22 ​
Jean Paul Gaultier Le Male Elixir :
1ml: $7 2ml: $12 3ml: $14 5ml: $17 10ml: $22
Jean Paul Gaultier Le Beau Le Parfum Intense :
1ml: $7 2ml: $12 3ml: $14 5ml: $19 10ml: $29
Jean Paul Gaultier Le Beau EDT :
1ml: $7 2ml: $9 3ml: $12 5ml: $15 10ml: $19 ​ ​
Jean Paul Gaultier Scandal Pour Homme EDT :
1ml: $7 2ml: $9 3ml: $12 5ml: $15 10ml: $19 ​ ​
Joop Homme Le Parfum :
1ml: $7 2ml: $9 3ml: $11 5ml: $13 10ml: $17 ​
John Vavartos XX Teal :
1ml: $6 2ml: $9 3ml: $11 5ml: $13 10ml: $17
​ ​John Vavartos Artisan Pure :
1ml: $6 2ml: $9 3ml: $11 5ml: $13 10ml: $17 ​
John Vavartos Dark Rebel :
1ml: $6 2ml: $9 3ml: $11 5ml: $13 10ml: $19
John Vavartos Dark Rebel Rider :
1ml: $6 2ml: $9 3ml: $11 5ml: $13 10ml: $19
Jo Malone Nectarine Blossom :
1ml: $7 2ml: $9 3ml: $11 5ml: $13 10ml: $19
Khaltat Night Attar Collection:
1ml: $7 2ml: $9 3ml: $11 5ml: $13 10ml: $19
Kay ALi Vanilla I 28 :
1.5ml : $7 ​
Kilian I Don’t Need A Prince By … :
1ml: $9 2ml: $11 3ml: $14 5ml: $17
Louis Vuitton L'Imensite :
1ml: $10 2ml: $15 3ml: $18 5ml: $27
Louis Vuitton Afternoon Swim :
1ml: $10 2ml: $15 3ml: $18 5ml: $25
Louis Vuitton Meteore :
2ml: $15
Louis Vuitton Orage :
2ml: $15
Maison Francis Kurkdjian OUD Extrait De Parfum :
2ml: $15 3ml: $18 5ml: $29
Mind Games Checkmate:
8ml : $25
Memo Paris Irish Leather :
1ml: $7 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $17
Memo Paris African Leather:
1ml: $7 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $17
Montale Arabian Tonka :
1ml: $7 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $16 10ml: $19 ​
Mancera Tonka Cola:
1ml: $7 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $16 10ml: $19 ​
Mancera Pearl:
1ml: $7 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $16 10ml: $19 ​
Mancera Amore Caffe :
1ml: $7 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $16 ​
Mancera Cedrat Boise :
1ml: $7 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $16 10ml: $19 ​
Mancera Instant Crush :
1ml: $7 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $16 10ml: $19
Mancera Cosmic Pepper :
1ml: $7 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $16 10ml: $19 ​
Mancera Red Tobacco :
1ml: $7 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $16 10ml: $19
Mancera Aoud Vanille :
1ml: $7 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $16 10ml: $19 ​ ​
Mancera Kumkat Wood :
1ml: $7 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $16 10ml: $19 ​
Michael Malul West Loop :'
1ml: $6 2ml: $8 3ml: $11 5ml: $13 10ml: $16​
Michael Malul EdgeWater :
1ml: $6 2ml: $8 3ml: $11 5ml: $13 10ml: $16 ​ ​ 15ml: $19 ​
Michael Malul Terra Nova :
1ml: $6 2ml: $8 3ml: $11 5ml: $13 10ml: $16 ​ ​ 13ml: $19 ​
Moschino Toy Boy EDT :
1ml: $6 2ml: $8 3ml: $11 5ml: $13 10ml: $16 ​ ​
MontBlanc Explorer Platinum :
2ml : $7 ( Official Sample ) ​
MontBlanc Explorer EDP :
1ml: $6 2ml: $8 3ml: $11 5ml: $13 10ml: $16 ​
Montblanc Legend Spirit :
1ml: $6 2ml: $8 3ml: $11 5ml: $13 10ml: $16 ​ ​
Montale Honey Aoud :
1ml: $6 2ml: $8 3ml: $11 5ml: $15 10ml: $19 ​
Montale Arabian Tonka :
1ml: $6 2ml: $8 3ml: $11 5ml: $15 10ml: $19 ​
Nishane Ani :
1ml: $10 2ml: $13 3ml: $16 5ml: $19 10ml: $26 ​ ​
Nishane Hacivat :
1ml: $10 2ml: $13 3ml: $16 5ml: $19 10ml: $26 ​ ​
Narcisio Rodriguez Bleu Noir EDP :
1ml: 7 2ml: $13 3ml: $15 5ml: $18 10ml: $19
Narcisio Rodriguez Bleu Noir Parfum :
1ml: 7 2ml: $13 3ml: $15 5ml: $18 10ml: $19 ​ ​
Nosamatto Baraonda EDP :
1ml: 9 2ml: $13 3ml: $15 5ml: $22
Office For Men By Fragrance One :
1ml: 9 2ml: $14 3ml: $17 5ml: $22 10ml: $27
Unisex for Everybody By Fragrance One :
1ml: 9 2ml: $14 3ml: $17 5ml: $22 10ml: $27
Paco Rabanne 1 Million Prive :
1ml: 9 2ml: $17 3ml: $21 5ml: $26
Polo Red Extreme :
2ml: $12 3ml: $14 5ml: $16
Polo Red EDP :
1ml: 5 2ml: $9 3ml: $11 5ml: $13 10ml: $16​ ​
Polo Ralph Lauren Blue Parfum :
1.2ml : $7 ( Official Sample ) ​ ​
Prada Luna Rosa Carbon EDT :
1ml: 9 2ml: $12 3ml: $14 5ml: $16 10ml: $19
Prada Luna Rosa Extreme :
1ml: 9 2ml: $16 3ml: $18
Prada Luna Rosa Sport :
1ml: 9 2ml: $12 3ml: $14 5ml: $16 10ml: $19
Prada Luna Rosa Black :
1ml: 9 2ml: $13 3ml: $15 5ml: $17 10ml: $19
Prada L’homme :
1ml: 9 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $16 10ml: $19
Prada L’homme Intense :
1ml: 7 2ml: $9 3ml: $15 5ml: $17 10ml: $24​ ​
Prada L’homme Leau :
1ml: 7 2ml: $8 3ml: $12 5ml: $15 10ml: $19 ​
Paco Rabane 1 Million Prive :
1ml: $8 2ml: $13 3ml: $15 5ml: $18
Paco Rabane Phantom :
1ml: $8 2ml: $9 3ml: $12 5ml: $14
Parfums De Marly Layton :
1ml: $8 2ml: $13 3ml: $15 5ml: $18 10ml: $27
Parfums De Marly Layton Exclusif :
5ml: $19
Parfums De Marly Pegasus Exclusif :
1ml: $8 2ml: $13 3ml: $15 5ml: $19 10ml: $29
Parfums De Marly Pegasus:
1ml: $8 2ml: $13 3ml: $15 5ml: $19 10ml: $26
Parfums De Marly Althair :
1ml: $8 2ml: $13 3ml: $15 5ml: $18 10ml: $29 ​ ​
Parfums De Marly Carlisle :
1ml: $8 2ml: $14 3ml: $16 5ml: $19 10ml: $31 ​ ​
Parfums De Marly Percival :
1ml: $8 2ml: $14 3ml: $16 5ml: $19
Replica By The Fireplace :
1ml: $7 2ml: $12 3ml: $14 5ml: $17 10ml: $22 ​ ​
Replica Jazz Club :
1ml: $7 2ml: $12 3ml: $14 5ml: $17
Replica Coffee Break :
1ml: $7 2ml: $12 3ml: $14 5ml: $17
Roja Parfums Elysium :
1ml: $10 2ml: $13 3ml: $16
Rasasi Hawas EDP:
1ml: 7 2ml: $10 3ml: $11 5ml: $13 10ml: $16 ​
Rasasi Hawas ICE :
1ml: 8 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $15 10ml: $19​ ​
Ralph Lauren Beyond Romance :
1.2ml : $7 ( official Sample ) ​
Ralph Lauren Romance :
1.2ml : $7 ( official Sample ) ​
Ralph Lauren EDP :
1.2ml : $7 ( official Sample )
Serge Lutens Chergui :
1ml: 9 2ml: $12 3ml: $15 5ml: $17 ​ ​ 10ml: 24
Salvatore Ferragamo UOMO EDT :
2ml: $5 3ml: $8 5ml: $12 10ml: $15 ​ ​
Salvatore Ferragamo UOMO Signature :
2ml: $5 3ml: $8 5ml: $12 10ml: $15 ​
Salvatore Ferragamo Casual Life :
2ml: $5 3ml: $8 5ml: $12 10ml: $15​
Salvatore Ferragamo Spicy Leather :
2ml: $10 3ml: $13 5ml: $15 10ml: $19
Tom Ford Fucking Fabolous :
1ml: $11 2ml: $14 3ml: $17 5ml: $29
Tom Ford Oud Wood :
1ml: $9 2ml: $14 3ml: $17 5ml: $25
Tom Ford Ombre Leather :
1ml: $9 2ml: $14 3ml: $16 5ml: $19 10ml: $27​ ​
Tom Ford Ombre Leather Parfum :
1ml: $9 2ml: $14 3ml: $16 5ml: $19 10ml: $29
Tom Ford Tuscan Leather :
1ml: $9 2ml: $12 3ml: $16 5ml: $24
Tom Ford Oud Wood :
1ml: $9 2ml: $14 3ml: $17 5ml: $25
Tom Ford Black Orchid :
1ml: $6 2ml: $9 3ml: $12 5ml: $16 10ml: $19 ​ ​
Thomas Kosmala Arabian Passion :
8ML: $19 ​ ​
Terre D'hermes EDT :
1ml: $8 2ml: $9 3ml: $13 5ml: $17 10ml: $19 ​ ​
​Versace Oud Noir :
1ml: $8 2ml: $13 3ml: $15 5ml: $17 10ml: $19 ​
​Viktor & Rolf Spicebomb EDT :
1ml: $8 2ml: $11 3ml: $12 5ml: $14 10ml: $17 ​ ​
Viktor & Rolf Spicebomb Extreme :
1ml : $7 2ml: $13 3ml: $15 5ml: $17 10ml: $19 ​
Viktor & Rolf Spicebomb Infrared :
1ml : $7 2ml: $13 3ml: $15 5ml: $17 10ml: $19
Viktor & Rolf Spicebomb Infrared EDP :
1ml : $7 2ml: $13 3ml: $15 5ml: $17 10ml: $19 ​ ​
Viktor & Rolf Flowerbomb EDP :
1.2ml : $7 ( Official Sample ) ​ ​
Xerjoff Iommi Monkey Special :
1ml: $8 2ml: $15 3ml: $19 5ml: $26
Xerjoff Erba Gold :
1ml: $8 2ml: $13
Xerjoff Erba Pura :
1ml: $8 2ml: $13 3ml: $15 5ml: $22 10ml: $34
Xerjoff 1861 Naxos :
1ml: $8 2ml: $13 3ml: $15 5ml: $22 10ml: $34
Xerjoff 40 Knots :
1ml: $8 2ml: $13 3ml: $15 5ml: $22 10ml: $34
Xerjoff Apollonia :
1ml: $8 2ml: $15 3ml: $19
​ ​Xerjoff Renaissance :
1ml: $8 2ml: $12 3ml: $15 5ml: $22
Xerjoff Torino 21 :
1ml: $10 2ml: $15 3ml: $19 5ml: $26
​YSL Tuxedo :
5ml: $28
YSL Myslf :
1ml: $11 2ml: $19 5ml: $24 ​ ​
YSL Y LE Parfum :
1ml: $8 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $16 10ml: $22 ​
​YSL La Nuit L’homme :
1ml: $8 2ml: $11 3ml: $13 5ml: $15 10ml: $19 ​ ​
YSL L’homme Parfum Intense :
1ml: $8 2ml: $13 3ml: $15 5ml: $19
YSL Bleu Electrique :
1ml: $11 2ml: $19 5ml: $24 ​ ​
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Armaf Club De Nuit Precieux :
2ml: $10 3ml: $12 5ml: $15
Paris Corner Rifaaqat :
2ml: $7 3ml: $9 5ml: $11 10ml : 14
Lattafa Asad Zanzibar :
2ml: $7 3ml: $9 5ml: $11 10ml : 14
Lattafa Khamrah Qahwa :
2ml: $7 3ml: $9 5ml: $11 10ml : 14
Lattafa Khamrah :
2ml: $7 3ml: $9 5ml: $11 10ml : 14
Maison Alhambra The Tux :
2ml: $7 3ml: $9 5ml: $11 10ml : 14
Maison Alhambra Jean Lowe Immortal :
2ml: $7 3ml: $9 5ml: $11 10ml : 14
Fragrance World Suits :
2ml: $7 3ml: $9 5ml: $11 10ml : 14
Rasasi Brilliant Silver :
2ml: $7 3ml: $8 5ml: $9 10ml : 12
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this is my first time posting on reddit and honestly i don’t know if this will even help.
it started when i got to college and had to be pretty much on my own. i started feeling really depressed for some inexplicable reason and i ultimately decided it was because i just really missed my friends. time went on and i realized the actual reason i felt so depressed was because i didn’t have any sense of self. i realized all of my friendships had been pretty much based around this version of myself that wasn’t really me. so i started going to therapy (i switched between 3 therapists).
my most recent therapist and i have been meeting every two weeks and i thought it was working, i ultimately attributed all my problems to low self esteem. so i started doing things to boost my self esteem and started feeling better about life, but i couldn’t shake this weird feeling that something was still off, that i was off. after looking through old pictures and memories and just reflecting on whatever i could remember from the past, i realized that i AM off.
i made it through schooling with pretty decent grades, but all of my relationships with other people have been fake- i basically mirrored each friend individually or just acted like a complete clown to get them to like me.
and my family is a whole different story. i live with my mom and dad and i have quite a few older siblings. i pretty much have zero relationship with them. when im around them i literally dont talk, and if i do its things like “yeah, nice, sounds good, that’s funny”- im completely dry. i gradually started getting quieter and quieter around them throughout middle school and high school and never really knew why.
i feel like im just going on a tangent but ill end with this, i don’t think i’ve ever felt real emotions and i don’t think i’ve ever been connected to reality. i have no sense of self and i never did, not even as a little kid. my situation is pretty much inexplicable and i don’t even think a highly trained psychiatrist could help me.
i guess im posting this in hopes that someone out there feels similarly, i don’t really know what else to do. i’ll answer any questions if i can though.

this is my first time posting on reddit and honestly i don’t know if this will even help.
it started when i got to college and had to be pretty much on my own. i started feeling really depressed for some inexplicable reason and i ultimately decided it was because i just really missed my friends. time went on and i realized the actual reason i felt so depressed was because i didn’t have any sense of self. i realized all of my friendships had been pretty much based around this version of myself that wasn’t really me. so i started going to therapy (i switched between 3 therapists).
my most recent therapist and i have been meeting every two weeks and i thought it was working, i ultimately attributed all my problems to low self esteem. so i started doing things to boost my self esteem and started feeling better about life, but i couldn’t shake this weird feeling that something was still off, that i was off. after looking through old pictures and memories and just reflecting on whatever i could remember from the past, i realized that i AM off.
i made it through schooling with pretty decent grades, but all of my relationships with other people have been fake- i basically mirrored each friend individually or just acted like a complete clown to get them to like me.
and my family is a whole different story. i live with my mom and dad and i have quite a few older siblings. i pretty much have zero relationship with them. when im around them i literally dont talk, and if i do its things like “yeah, nice, sounds good, that’s funny”- im completely dry. i gradually started getting quieter and quieter around them throughout middle school and high school and never really knew why.
i feel like im just going on a tangent but ill end with this, i don’t think i’ve ever felt real emotions and i don’t think i’ve ever been connected to reality. i have no sense of self and i never did, not even as a little kid. my situation is pretty much inexplicable and i don’t even think a highly trained psychiatrist could help me.
i guess im posting this in hopes that someone out there feels similarly, i don’t really know what else to do. i’ll answer any questions if i can though.

this is my first time posting on reddit and honestly i don’t know if this will even help.
it started when i got to college and had to be pretty much on my own. i started feeling really depressed for some inexplicable reason and i ultimately decided it was because i just really missed my friends. time went on and i realized the actual reason i felt so depressed was because i didn’t have any sense of self. i realized all of my friendships had been pretty much based around this version of myself that wasn’t really me. so i started going to therapy (i switched between 3 therapists).
my most recent therapist and i have been meeting every two weeks and i thought it was working, i ultimately attributed all my problems to low self esteem. so i started doing things to boost my self esteem and started feeling better about life, but i couldn’t shake this weird feeling that something was still off, that i was off. after looking through old pictures and memories and just reflecting on whatever i could remember from the past, i realized that i AM off.
i made it through schooling with pretty decent grades, but all of my relationships with other people have been fake- i basically mirrored each friend individually or just acted like a complete clown to get them to like me.
and my family is a whole different story. i live with my mom and dad and i have quite a few older siblings. i pretty much have zero relationship with them. when im around them i literally dont talk, and if i do its things like “yeah, nice, sounds good, that’s funny”- im completely dry. i gradually started getting quieter and quieter around them throughout middle school and high school and never really knew why.
i feel like im just going on a tangent but ill end with this, i don’t think i’ve ever felt real emotions and i don’t think i’ve ever been connected to reality. i have no sense of self and i never did, not even as a little kid. my situation is pretty much inexplicable and i don’t even think a highly trained psychiatrist could help me.
i guess im posting this in hopes that someone out there feels similarly, i don’t really know what else to do. i’ll answer any questions if i can though.

Long time lurker here (36yo). I have gone low contact and no contact with my family in the past. I've been the family scapegoat since I was born.
I grew up in an abusive household where my needs were not being met. I wouldn't be taken to the doctor if I was unwell and I was taught to fear such individuals. I have a neurodevelopmental condition which means I used to stammer, stutter, make odd noises and repeat the same things over and over. I would be physically hit or beat up for the slightest hint of emotion or display of these traits. My earliest memory was being 3yo and being screamed at to the point of meltdown by my mother that I was "A bad person and to pack my stuff up because I was going to be taken to jail." She would put her hand over my mouth if I laughed, cried or made any noise. I must have told my kindergarten teachers of the abuse because every day I went out I was told, "What is said in this house stays in this house." All my school reports, birthday certificates and documents are hidden from me. I'm not allowed access to these.
I would be served a singular burger with a few chips for my dinner and wear clothes which needed replaced but they "couldn't afford" which caused bullying in school. I wasn't allowed to bath or shower regularly because I would take too long and "their work is more important than your school" so I would bathe once a week. I have issues with passing stools and if my parents were needing the toilet they would batter on the door, force me to stop whatever I was doing and get out. If i didn't get out I'd be called derogatory names and the threat of physical violence was always there because they were unpredictable.
I would be called derogatory names by parents, fat by other family members and my other sibling was the golden child, they were allowed to bite me, throw things at me and as they got older they would engage in substance misuse which wouldn't get as severe consequences. The last time I was hit was when I was sixteen unprovoked for no reason. I was held down on my bed with my mother wrapping her thighs around me attacking and hitting me and when I started hyperventilating I got it even worse because I was faking it. When it became clear they realised I was old enough to press charges they started taking away my internet access. I was always accused of looking to start an argument. They didn't sign any of my funding to do further education because they didn't want me to go to college and be independent. I would self fund instead.
Eventually I went into a homeless place to escape the abuse. They tried to get me to come back home, they tried to throw money at me and when it didn't work they threatened to come and take my stuff out of the accomodation because they saw my belongings as their property.
Years on and I have my own place closed to them and because they cannot get away with the physical abuse anymore it's largely mental. My sibling depends on them for handouts of money and cigarettes even though they are working and own their own place. I am dependent on social security for my disability and this means I was able to return to education where I'm training to be a healthcare worker through disability support. I have been becoming more independent, taking small day trips and it's clear they are jealous and want to keep me unwell and become dependent on them by falsely claiming I'm not disabled to target my financial security. I don't ask or get money off them.
It came to a head when my sibling is claiming they are mentally unwell and using this to prove I am not disabled. The family have told me they are fed up of me, that my own mental health is the reason why they are all struggling and they are not taking any personal responsibility for their own life stresses.
After witnessing my family targeting an older man, covering up the evidence and openly stating they are going to put mental pressure on him and make his "end days a living hell". I blocked all contact, walked out of their house, told them I won't be spoken like this anymore and I reported them to the police. The police have assured me that I can make a report about the historical abuse I have had growing up and that they are there to support me through making that report.
I have been falling behind in assignments. I may lose my place at college which is what they want too. I am considering moving out of the country for my own safety as my sibling is now posting publicity on social media that they want to unalivw themselves because I have blocked the whole family and they know some rough types but it means losing my place to train to become a healthcare worker.
I guess I'm just looking for some advice and support. I am terrified. I have even ordered a DNA test because the abuse has been that extensive that I don't believe I am theor biological child. It doesn't help that my sibling says they have no baby pictures of me gaslighting me to think I'm adopted.
Should I relocate and try to get a place at another training institute when I am safe? Should I come forward and make a report to the police about the historical abuse? What if I'm not believed? How do I go about the possibility of fake welfare concerns if I do disappear? (They don't care enough to check on me but they would likely do this maliciously down the line) How do I deal with the public posts on social media? What should I do if my family ever approach me? I have made it clear I never want to speak to or see them again.

Been watching S11 again recently, and I just need to highlight Charlotte's prize entry in episode 4, the fake pictures of herself at the last four presidential inaugurations. I'd completely forgotten about it, but watching it again it's absolutely hilarious - such an entertainingly weird, absurdist joke, especially coming from Charlotte who isn't a professional comedian.
It feels almost like an Alex Horne bit in its random, punchline-less silliness - particularly the fact Charlotte remains committed and insistent that the photos were real even after they've been revealed as obvious fakes, that's such a Horne thing to do. In fact, one of my favourite things about it is that Alex looks like he's trying to suppress his laughter when Charlotte starts presenting the prize. It's exactly his sense of humour and I reckon he was probably quite impressed by her here.
Anyway, I just thought it deserved a little more attention since it's barely talked about, but I think it's one of the funniest prizes ever and certainly among Charlotte's best moments.

My BIL’s girlfriend and I have never really been close and everything is very surface level and kinda fake like. We say hi, we occasionally have a conversation but nothing more than that. I would try for a relationship, she didn’t care. I have just accepted it is what it is. I recently found out she’s been calling me names and making fun of me behind my back and it pissed me off because we barely talk so why are you so pressed about me.
My BIL is my son’s godfather and the baptism was coming up. My BIL texted saying his girlfriend needed to be sat next to him because if not she’d feel uncomfortable even though she’s sat at other events without him and just my in-laws. My church was allowing one person to sit with the parents and godparents to be able to go up and take a picture. In the past she’s taken very bad quality pictures on my phone and I had originally wanted my sister to take them but to further avoid drama we agreed to let her be the one person and I would just have her record the whole thing from up close because there’s no way she can mess that up. After the mass, we had a party so when she sent it I was too busy to look at it.
At this party, I was in my kitchen preparing food and my BIL and his girlfriend came inside because they tend to isolate themselves from everyone always. They sat no more than 10 feet away from me and my BIL started talking to me. Right when he stopped his girlfriend looked at me and then started to whisper in his ear and he said “no she’s just cooking.” I knew he was talking about me so I said “what?” And he was like “what?” And I said “I know you’re talking about me, what happened?” And his girlfriend just kept looking at my BIL with big eyes. And he said “nothing” with a fake smile. So I said, and maybe I shouldn’t have but I’m just so tired of the fakeness and talking behind my back, “okay that’s fine just keep talking about me” and luckily my sister came in to help me right at that moment so I was able to not be stuck with just them. They were completely fine with me when they left and gave me a hug which I didn’t expect and was shocked about.
Later that night I watched the video she recorded and it’s a total of 20 seconds. In the video one of my sisters who is the god mother touches my sons arm while my BIL is holding him and it looks like my sister touching his arm but she’s not. Well when that happens his girlfriend who was recording groans . I was seething when I heard it. It’s like she’s basically speaking into the microphone so you hear it very clearly. I know this may be dramatic but I’m so done with her. They knew how important this day was and they made it about them picking their seats and we abided to it. They knew how important the video was and she ruined it. I don’t even know if I’m being reasonable or just dramatic. My BIL has recently been talking about proposing to her and I cannot imagine having to deal with her and her snobby, fake, mean girl vibes she always brings when she sees me. Please give me words of wisdom or advice because this is only two years in and I’m so done with her.

(note to teacher: you made a mistake by having one of the prompts be “what are you interested in”, get ready to experience the true power of an autistic hyperfixation. Warning for,, kinda vulgar lyrics? They’re important in the context of the song and it's actually really interesting. I swear I PROMISE I'm not insane.)
I will be analysing Will Wood’s song ‘Suburbia Overture / Greetings from Marybell Township! / (Vampire) Culture / Love Me, Normally’. which, for simplicity, most fans refer to as simply ‘Suburbia Overture’. This song is the first on his first solo album entitled ‘The Normal Album’, which came out in July 2020.
This song, in the most general possible terms, is a criticism of modern suburban life, how it is advertised as “the perfect life”, and how this advertising is incredibly false unless you fit the picture perfect standard that these facets of society seem to require.
The song itself is split up into 3 distinct sections, “Suburbia Overture”, “(Vampire) Culture” and “Love Me, Normally”. I'll be tackling each section one at a time in order to properly break down what each means, what different analogies they use, how they all relate to each other and the intended end result of the song and the message it intends to convey.
Let's begin with ‘Suburbia Overture’. This section of the song uses a lot of analogies that compare suburban life to a warzone, the first line of this section being “white picket fences, barbed wire and trenches”. This section also focuses heavily on the concept of the nuclear family, and it often literalises the term and uses analogies based around radiation and nuclear warfare. Such analogies can be found in lines such as “the snap crackle pop of the Geiger, camouflage billboards for lead lined Brookes Brothers”. Now there's a couple of terms that require definitions in this line. The first of course being “the Geiger”. A Geiger counter, which is what this lyric is referring to, is a tool used to measure levels of harmful radiation. This, paired with the concept of billboards advertising “lead-lined Brookes Brothers” when lead is a material used to deflect radiation, and the knowledge that ‘Brookes Brothers’ is an American vintage style clothing brand, this line really paints a picture of a seemingly post apocalyptic/post nuclear war but still consumerist and capitalistic suburban society. The last line in that verse is “buy now or die”, which ties back to the concept of safety equipment being advertised on billboards, while residents of this town have no choice but to buy the products. This all relates back to the hyperconsumerism that plagues our society, and runs particularly rampant in middle to upper middle class neighbourhoods. The very same neighbourhoods that are often referred to as “suburban”
In the second verse of this section there are a lot of hard hitting lyrics that to me really show that this perfect idealised life is far from perfect or even good, so we will work through them one by one because I feel that they all deserve proper analysis.
The first line that i want to point out from that verse is the line “takes a village to fake a whole culture” which is clearly a rip off of the phrase “it takes a village [to raise a child]” but it also references the fact that usually suburban towns are incredibly monotonous in both residents and architecture, and so it takes the collective effort of the entire population of the town to pretend that there is an actual culture to it.
The next few lines I'll speak on all come in quick succession of one another, essentially blending them into one line. “Your ear to the playground, your eye on the ball, your head in the gutter, your brains on the wall.” So let's break these down. This line is easily split into 4 distinct phrases, and all of these phrases have a few things in common, which I will point out later.
“Your ear to the playground” is a play on the phrase “ear to the ground” which essentially means that the person with their ‘ear to the ground’ is attempting to carefully gather intel about something. Someone having their ear to the playground simply reinforces the idea of this suburban “paradise” being. Not as paradise-y as one would hope, seeing as the people who use playgrounds most of all are children, so this line is demonstrating that the picture perfect life that this suburban town offers is actually corrupting children so young that they are still on the playground. The next phrase is “your eye on the ball” isn't a play on anything and is in fact in itself a common phrase. To have your eye on the ball means to be entirely focused in and paying attention to something, and not allowing anything to divert your attention. Given the last line this line very well could be another reference to the corruption of the youth and the idea that their every day play has already been tainted with the hostilities of modern life usually reserved for adults. Following this is another well known saying “your head in the gutter” which, as most know, someone whos head is ‘in the gutter’ is someone who will see some sort of innuendo or otherwise vulgainappropriate meaning in something that was intended to be entirely innocent, leading to others in the interaction telling the perpetrator to ‘get [their] mind out of the gutter’ And finally, in my opinion the most hard hitting phrase in this set, “your brains on the wall” which is clearly in reference to the notion of ending your own life with a shot to the head, which would lead to, well, brains being on the wall. These last 2 phrases come in stark contrast to the seemingly picture perfect life that suburban towns offer and advertise, the concepts of suicide and perversion are not concepts one expects to see or hear when imagining this idealised form of life.
There is one main similarity in each of the 4 phrases, that being that each phrase has some body part being on something else, your ear to the playground, your eye on the ball, your head in the gutter, your brains on the wall. This similarity almost offers a body horror aspect to the song, which when paired with the concept that this is written about a seemingly post nuclear apocalyptic town presents an interesting idea of possible mutation, but i'll be the first to admit that may be a little far fetched. However that's not the only similarity that these 4 phrases share, another is the fact that they are all directly, or only slightly modified versions of already well known phrases, a similarity that is found in many lines over this entire song, through all 3 sections.
I want to analyse a few more lines before we move on to the second section of the song.
This next line comes directly after the previously analysed line, and it goes “home is where the heart is, you ain't homeless, but you’re heartless” Sticking with the theme of using already existing and commonly used phrases, “home is where the heart is'' is once again a phrase that you could likely find as a cross stitch hung up on the wall of any of the homogenous houses you could likely find in this idealised suburbia. But what Wood is saying in this line is that home is where the heart is, and that while people in this town may not be homeless, they are certainly heartless, meaning that they in fact don't have homes. They have houses. Rows upon rows of houses that all look the exact same in the horrifying monotony that is suburban living.
Following this line is the lyric “it's the safest on the market, but you still gotta watch where you park it”. These lines seem to be in reference to buying a car. The car being the "safest on the market" is likely in reference to the fact that it may have a lot of safety features. But this is immediately negated by the fact that you “still gotta watch where you park it” meaning that the safety features could be a reason that the car gets stolen, rendering all the safety that those features offered useless because in the end it made the car and the owner less safe.
In the third verse of this section, you immediately hear the line “so give me your half-life crisis” which partially is a play on the term ‘mid life crisis’ wherein which one realises that they may have wasted their life up till that point and they're already halfway through, but the use of the term “half-life” instead of ‘mid-life’ is very intentional, as the term “half-life” can also be used to refer to the half-life of an isotope, which is the amount of time that isotope takes to lose half of its radiation, which ties back into the theme of radiation that we see mentioned a lot in this section.
Later in the same verse is the line “if it's true that a snowflake only matters in a blizzard”, which is interesting in a few ways, first, it brings up the idea of a singular individual means nothing on their own and that they only matter when they’re part of something larger or a larger group, but i also think that the use of the terms “snowflake” and “blizzard” instead of something like ‘raindrop’ and ‘storm’ is very intentional in the fact that snowflakes are known for being individual, none are alike, every single one is different. So saying that a snowflake doesn't matter unless it's in a blizzard is yet another hit at individuality, essentially implying that in this town individuality means nothing and is essentially rendered useless.
The final line in this verse is “everybody's all up in my-” repeated thrice, and on the third time the sentence is finished to say “everybody’s all up in my business” and before the word “business” can be finished its overlapped with the beginning of the chorus, the first word of which is a very loud “SUBURBIAAAA!”. I believe this is reminiscent of the fact that in towns like this, everyone cares so much about what everyone else is doing, they’re all so interested in everyone else's business, and i think that sentiment being stated and cut off by the word “Suburbia” is essentially saying that ‘this is the norm, this is just Suburbia, this is how it works around here.’
After the final chorus of this section, in the final verse, you'll find the line “chameleon peacocks are talk of the town” which particularly interests me because if you know anything about chameleons or peacocks you’d find that they seem incredibly different as animals. Chameleons blend into their environment in order to stay safe, whereas peacocks are known for parading around bright colours to make themselves look better, but if you think about it the term “chameleon peacock” actually makes a lot of sense, a person who blends into their surroundings in order to make themselves look good. This sentiment seems to perfectly describe the homogeneity of the people that live in these perfect towns, they're all the same, they blend in with one another in order to make themselves look good, or perfect.
Another line heard shortly afterwards is the phrase “he cums radiation”, rather vulgar, I grant you, but it's important because it is yet another literalisation of the phrase ‘nuclear family’. It could also be a reference to the general toxicity of this societal norm.
The final line in this section of the song is “the dog bites the postman, as basement eyes dream of a night at the drive-in, with an AR-15”. Which is another use of juxtaposition, intended to cause a kind of whiplash in the listener and reinforce the idea that while in this place there is scenarios that would happen in a hollywood movie esque picture perfect neighbourhood, like the dog biting the postman, there's also horrors that lurk below the surface. (although clearly not TOO far below.
Now let’s move on to the second part, ‘(Vampire) Culture’.
If you listen to the song, you’ll immediately be able to recognise where ‘Suburbia Overture’ ends and ‘(Vampire) Culture’ begins, due to the insane juxtaposition between the two. Where ‘Suburbia Overture’ is soft and sort of reminiscent of the 1950’s, ‘(Vampire) Culture’ is loud, jarring and grotesque, complemented with much raspier and strained sounding vocals compared to ‘Suburbia Overture’’s soft and melodic ones. The tone for this section of the song is immediately set with much more graphic lyrics, the very first line of this section (after the opening scream) is “i dropped my eyeballs in the bonfire, we fucked on a bed of nails” which absolutely sets the scene for how different this section will be to the previous.
This song immediately jumps into using cannibalism as a metaphor, with the first line after the jump start opener being “I caught kuru from your sister, and I'm laughing in jail”. While this line is written to sound like the concept of catching an STD from an act of adultery, Kuru is actually a disease only found in human brain tissue, meaning that you can only contract this disease by eating a human brain.
This use of cannibalism as a metaphor is used again immediately after in the line “smell those screaming teenage sweetbreads on that 4th of July grill”, ‘sweetbread’ is the term used to refer to the pancreas and thymus gland of an animal, usually a lamb, but in this particular case it is in reference to the human teenagers that supposedly lived in The Marybell Township, or a least they did before they were dissected, cooked and served at a neighbourhood 4th of July barbeque hosted by the same people that were once referred to as their neighbours.
This line adds an interesting level of patriotism to the song and criticism of how America utilises patriotism and their love for their country as means to justify harming the youth, however a 4th of July neighbourhood barbeque is also commonly associated with white picket fence gated community America, which ties us back to the base criticism of that style of life and how it is seen as the “proper” and “perfect” way to live. These cannibalistic sentiments are followed up with the line “smile and wave boys, kiss the cook, live laugh and love, please pass the pills.” which brings us back to the repeated use of commonly known sayings being taken directly or modified only slightly to remind the listener of the setting were in, that being a seemingly 1950’s era tight knit neighbourhood.
Phrases like “live laugh [and] love” or “kiss the cook” are both phrases that could easily be seen in a setting like this, especially “kiss the cook”, as this is a phrase commonly associated with aprons worn by grillmasters at neighbourhood barbeques, not unlike the cannibalistic 4th of July barbeque that this particular neighbourhood seems to be hosting. These phrases being immediately followed up with a sentiment such as “please pass the pills” serves to entirely undermine the pleasantries that, until a moment ago, seemed to be plastered all over the faces of the people living in this fictional town that Wood has created. I think that final phrase brings the listener back to the realisation that not all is right here, quite the opposite in fact, and drags them from their momentary paradise. Circling back very quickly to the phrase “smile and wave”. I felt the need to point out that this phrase has been used for centuries as a way to say “stop talking and act normal” which once again reinforces that these people are pretending to be something they’re not in order to fit in.
We enter the next verse with the repeated phrase “it's only culture”, after that line is repeated three times we hear “sulfur, smoke and soot”, which could either be a reference to how dirty and disgusting the ‘culture’ is, or it could be a different way of saying that this culture and the people participating are going to hell, as per the common phrase ‘fire and brimstone’ and the fact that sulfur is another way of saying brimstone, and smoke and soot are both byproducts of fire.
The last line of this verse and the first line of the chorus blend into each other, so I’ll speak on them both.
First, the last line of the verse. It goes “you cocked and sucked your lack of empathy, pulled the trigger with your foot to prove you've got-” Putting aside the clear innuendo, this line refers to the idea of ending one's own life with a long shotgun. According to the media, by the time the gun is cocked and the barrel is in your mouth, you're not able to pull the trigger with your hands due to the length of the barrel. This line instead presents the solution of pulling the trigger with your foot to end your life.
So this person “cocked and sucked” the gun (cocked the gun and put the barrel in their mouth) before pulling the trigger with their foot to prove they’ve got-
And here's where the verse blends into the chorus.
Because the first line only consists of one word.
“Blood”.
The person who was shooting themselves with a shotgun only to prove that they bleed. Which is where the title of this section comes in. “(Vampire) Culture”. This section seeks to portray either the people in this culture or, the more likely option, the culture itself, as metaphorical vampires, who aim to destroy those around them. This knowledge makes the next line “didn't they want your blood, so why apologise for being blue and cold” make a lot more sense. After all, if these culture vampires have drained you of your blood, is it not their fault that you’re now “blue and cold”, as bodies tend to be if they lack blood flow. However if you look at synonyms for the words “blue” and “cold”, you could also interpret this phrase as meaning “sad and apathetic”. A sad and apathetic person doesn't seem to be the kind of person this ‘culture’ seeks to enlist however, and so one who is “blue and cold” is shunned as an outsider. What Wood is getting at is that if this culture is the one who made you sad and apathetic, then you should not apologise to it for being so.
The next verse is short, and like the previous one, also blends into the chorus in the same way, by having the last line of the verse cut off right where the chorus would finish the sentence with the word “blood”. However in this verse, there's an interesting line. “It's only culture and it's more afraid of you than you are of it”, which is a sentiment usually used by adults to attempt to subdue a child's fear of something, usually insects. However it's interesting in the fact that it brings up the idea that this culture that has caused so much damage and harm is actually incredibly fragile, and would, in theory be very afraid of the concept of the individual, because if this ‘culture’ is only being held together by the silent agreeance that everyone will simply pretend, then the idea that there is people who refuse throws the whole idea into jeopardy.
This line is followed up however, by the line that blends it into the chorus. “Go on drink that-”, clearly intended to be finished by the first line of the chorus, making the full line, “go on drink that blood”. This line is in reference to the phrase “drink the kool-aid” which essentially means to pledge your undying loyalty to something, a concept, a person, a god, etc. and it derives from an infamous mass cult suicide where over 900 people drank poisoned Kool-Aid and subsequently died for the cult. It is not a far cry to believe that this event and this phrase is what the line is referring to, as it's something that Wood has referenced in other songs, so it only makes sense to believe that this is what he means here.
After that chorus we move on to the bridge, which begins by listing 3 pairs of names, all famous or semi famous, and each pair being similar in one right but opposite in another, the line goes as follows; “were you Nabokov to a Sallinger, were you Jung to Freud or Dass to a Leary”, so let's break down these pairs one by one.
First “Nabokov to a Sallinger”, these names belong to Vladimir Nabokov and J.D. Sallinger, both authors who wrote famous books that both surround the theme of innocence, but in very different ways. Nabokov’s book “Lolita” is a story told from the perspective of a grown man about his sexual obsession and attraction to a little girl, and his desire to ruin her innocence, exploring the theme of innocence in a grotesque and frankly horrifying way, which is in stark contrast to Sallinger’s book “The Catcher in the Rye”, which explores the topic of innocence through the main characters desire to preserve their little sisters innocence, and in that desire displays hesitancy at the idea of sex themself. Both books explore the topic of innocence, however while one seeks to preserve it, the other seeks to destroy it, two sides of the same coin.
The next pairing is “Jung to Freud”, meaning Carl Gustav Jung and his mentor Sigmund Freud, who once again are similar in one right, but opposite in another. Jung and Freud both had theories on the nature of the human mind, but where Jungs was all about the concept of spirituality and how that ties into the collective unconscious, Freud's approach was much more focused on the individual unconscious and the concept of sexuality.
The final pairing is “Dass to a Leary”. both psychologists, both at the forefront of the ‘Harvard Psilocybin Project’ (before they both got dismissed from harvard entirely following controversies around the project) Richard Alpert and Timothy Leary were both psychologists and eventually authors who studied the effects of psychedelic drugs on the human mind, and while they were co workers they ended up with pretty conflicting views. Dr. Richard Alpert, who apparently ‘died’ and was ‘reborn’ as spiritual guide Ram Dass, centred his teachings heavily around the concept of living in the moment, (in fact his best selling book, written in 1971 was titled ‘Be Here Now’) and he believed that psychedelic drugs were not needed and that a permanent version of the same effects could be achieved through meditation. Whereas Dr. Timothy Leary advocated heavily for the use of psychedelics, believing that LSD specifically had great potential for therapeutic psychiatric use.
All of these pairings and examples utilise the concept of duality and speak on how every coin has two sides, which can easily be tied back to the idea that the picture perfect suburban life is just one side of the coin. This idea is then reinforced by the next line, “were you mother, daughter, subject and author?”, The use of the word ‘and’ here shows that it's possible to be two sides of the same coin at once, just like how this town, which is perfect on one side of the coin, is still terrible on the other side of the coin. The line is stating that it's possible to be both at once.
The very last line in this section is; “you don't make the rules, you just write them down and do it by the book you throw around”. This line combines a few relatively well known phrases. The first being of course ‘i don’t make the rules’, which can have two distinct meanings. The first is to express a kind of sympathy for someone being punished, and the second is to absolve yourself of the blame for that person being punished, a sort of ‘don't shoot the messenger’ situation.
The ‘rules’ that are likely being referred to here are the societal norms and expectations forced upon people who reside in these towns, the standard for ‘perfection’.
However, following this sentiment up with the phrase “you just write them down” is essentially saying that while it's not the fault of the people in these towns, they didn't create the norms, they still enforce them. They expect everything to be in line and perfect at all times, they follow these ‘rules’ to a T, and they shun and punish anyone who doesn't fit the standard and/or refuses to follow these ‘rules’, which is where the line “do it by the book you throw around” comes in, doing something ‘by the book’ means to follow rules strictly and to the letter, nothing out of line, and to throw the book at someone means to punish them as severely as possible, usually used in the legal sense to mean punishing someone for their crime as severely as the law will allow. So in all, the lyric “you don't make the rules, you just write them down and do it by the book you throw around” ends up meaning ‘you didn't create these norms but you still enforce them by following them to an absolute T and punishing anyone who doesn't.’
With that we enter the third and final section of the song, entitled ‘Love Me, Normally’, a title it shares with another song on the album, but of course this song is partially meant to serve as an overture for the whole album, meaning it shares some similar lyrics with lyrics from other songs on the album, so sharing a title isn't all that surprising.
The first lyric in this section is “do you know the difference between blazing trails and slash and burn?” which is another instance of duality in this song. Trailblazing or being a trailblazer means doing something no one has done before, paving the way for other people to follow in your footsteps, it comes from the literal act of creating a trail in the woods for people to follow, usually by creating notches in trees or setting small fires, hence ‘blazer’, as blaze is another word for a fire. However “slash and burn” is a method of deforestation that involves cutting down and burning a section of forest to create a field. Both examples include using fire to change something, but where one is seen as progress and positive, the other is negative, and seen as a means of destruction. Once again, two sides of the same coin, innovation and destruction.
This is followed up with the line “going against the grain and catching splinters”, which is a line i particularly like because while it is something that literally can happen, if you run your hand along wood in the opposite direction to the grain, you're more likely to get a splinter because you're essentially pushing your hand against the chips of wood, but it also is another metaphor for the dangers of not being the same. Going against the grain in this instance means daring to be different, not going the same way everyone else is going but instead the opposite of that, and in this example splinters are the consequences one would face for being different, especially in a setting like this perfect town, where everyone is the exact same as everyone else.
A little bit later you hear the line “well Lot he had his lot in life, Job his job and i guess you’ll too, and die”. Lot and Job are both figures found in the Bible, whose names both share spelling with common English words, but are pronounced slightly differently.
Job, from the Book of Job, was a man that was tested by God, made to suffer to test his loyalty, his ‘job’ was to believe unendingly in God and see Him as always correct no matter what.
Lot, from the Book of Genesis, was a man who went through a lot, and the phrase ‘my lot in life’ is a phrase commonly used by people to write off/explain why they don't have it as good as others, they say it's simply their ‘lot in life’.
The end of this line “i guess you’ll too, and die” i believe refers to the fact that everyone will have their own job and their own lot in life, and then everyone in the end will die.
This theory is solidified by the fact that the next line is “The Lord looked down and said ‘hey, you're only mortal’” which is a play off of the phrase ‘you're only human’. Wood himself said that the phrase ‘you're only human’ has always felt weird to him, he says, “cause like, of course I am, aren’t we all? How is that fact supposed to help? I still feel bad. What does being human mean to you?”. He follows this up by saying that the idea of God saying "hey, you're only mortal" offers the same kind of sentiment, but in a “cosmically condescending” sort of way.
The following line reads “giveth and taketh away, till things come out a certain way, leave you wondering when they might go back to normal… leave you wondering why they can't have just been normal”.
This line presents a sort of hopelessness in the realisation that things are constantly changing, nothing is any more ‘normal’ than anything else, there's no such thing as ‘normal’, which is an overarching theme found throughout the album. Once again bringing back the fact that for all intents and purposes this song is an overture for the rest of the album.
To conclude, ‘Suburbia Overture’ is, in my opinion, one of the greatest criticisms of suburban, middle class, gated community, nuclear family life i've ever seen, it highlights the problems in that life and showcases how this kind of lifestyle in its incredibly rigid and restrictive standards is incredibly harmful to the very concept of individuality, because the expectations and unspoken rules set in communities like this and the widespread idea of forced normality seeks to crush any individuality before it even has a chance to blossom.
The use of metaphors and phrases that are well known and are likely to be seen in settings such as this gated community suburban town that Wood has created really paint a subconscious picture of what this community looks like, the use of duality, how every story has another side, and how nothing that is seemingly perfect from the outside is actually perfect on the inside.
Will Wood is an incredible lyricist and the fact that he was able to cram so much symbolism and such a powerful message into a song just over 6 minutes long is genuinely incredible.
Thank you for listening to my/reading my autistic hyper fixated rambling, i hope i didn't melt your brain too badly.

My greatest regret that I can't forgive myself. Just wanted to share to help get it off my chest.
I visited Vietnam for the first time in years and started talking to a girl from a dating app. She was the kindest and sweetest person and we would talk everyday. She had a really rough life where both her parents abandoned her for new familys and she had alot of struggles.
have been talking to my Vietnamese LDR girlfriend for 8 months now.
She call me "love of her life".
We missed each other during my last visit and I returned to vietnam for a solo trip to see her.
When I arrived she was quiet distance and did not message me.
She was busy with exams and couldn't come out so I went to another town.
Turns out later I found out she was dealing with alot of things and did not want to worry me.
When I returned she had a fever and could not meet. I had a week left before I had to leave.
Worst regret of my life.
I was alone in airnbnb and talking to my friend how we still havn't met. He suggest I just find a new girl so I started swiping on dating apps for new friend.
But I found a dating profile with her picture and confronted her.
It cause the worst argument and she was really hurt and upset. I later found out this was a fake profile. She then told me she wants to die and that Im the reason shes alive and wants to see me.
I apologised for everything and thought everything was going to be okay and we could reconcile.
The conversation ends her saying with "(my name), I'm Tired"
Then GHOST.
I do not get another message from her again.
Until next day while I was at the gym
I get a message from her younger sister.
She asked if we had argument last night because The family cameras show she left her phone, torn up the kpop photocards that she loved and left the house on her motorbike at 3:30AM. This was when she sent the last message to me.
Unable to contact her as the sister has her phone and she has still been missing for 2 weeks now.
They hired a private investigator and they said a girl matching her description was seen at the beach at night. Suspected drown by the ocean.
They still have not found her to confirm if she is dead and is still missing.
Still looking for her.
Im full of regret as I broke her trust and feel completely responsible.
She was the most beautiful girl and I miss her everyday :c
I'm completely destroyed inside and cry every night.
I can't forgive myself.