Hi everyone, the title of the post sounds like a title for a scholarly article or novel, but I really just couldn’t think of how else to put it.
For some context, I’m fairly new to this community. I underwent an emergency D&C this past Wednesday after having an incomplete MA which unfortunately, led to me hemorrhaging. It was terrifying and traumatic. I lost a lot of blood. Apparently I made it into the “rare complications” club where this happens to less than 1% of people who have an abortion, per the nurse who put me under sedation. This was not only my first abortion, but it was also my first pregnancy. I was 7 weeks, with a supportive and loving partner, making a decision as difficult as you all very well know.
Since the D&C, I thankfully am feeling much better and have been able to process everything more in terms of my emotions. It was hard to do that after the MA when I was still feeling all the pregnancy symptoms but unsure as to why. The day after the D&C I felt like myself again. The nausea, heart burn, food aversions - every single symptom I had was gone. Even my breasts weren’t as tender as they had unbearably been.
This experience, thankfully, made myself and my partner of 4 years even closer than we ever have been. I’m very grateful for that. He’s been incredible throughout this entire process and has held my hand every step of the way. So, yesterday, as I’m feeling relatively back to my normal self minus some fatigue - I look at my partner, feel those butterfly feelings, and my immediate thought was, How in the fuck can you be horny after what you just went through? What is wrong with you?
I immediately felt confusion, guilt, shame, and an uncontrollable desire to feel close to him. I started googling: “sex drive after abortion” “is it normal to be horny after an abortion?” “Why do I have such a high libido after an abortion?” I really didn’t find much in the topic beyond a few Reddit posts and some old forums. It made me feel even more guilty, that clearly MOST women don’t want to be touched at all after something like that, but I couldn’t control what was going on with my body.
For me, my libido was fairly average prior to all of this, but for some reason yesterday I could not control my sex drive. It was driving me crazy for hours. I didn’t want to tell my partner because I was ashamed and embarrassed to be feeling how I was. I also know he’s been processing everything too and I felt like if I made a move he would be upset by it because why wouldn’t he be? That’s the normal response. I’m the odd one here and I’m the one who went through the damn thing, right?
Easy fix! I’ll just have some sexy self-care time, right? As long as nothing goes in and I just keep it external, I should be all good right? Come to think of it, the nurses and doctors didn’t mention anything about it. What does goggle say? Nothing, really. Mostly just websites and forums saying no PIV for a week or two. Nothing about masturbation. Will I be okay? Will my uterus fall out? What if I start bleeding even heavier? Will it hurt? Will it slow down healing or speed it up? Why am I even thinking about any of this at all?
Just more guilt. More self-shaming. More anxiety, more fear, and at this point - I’m STILL horny. Screw it. I didn’t read anything saying don’t do it, so let’s just do this, but wait until my partner takes a shower so he doesn’t know. And that’s what I did. I waited until he was in the shower so I could do it in secret because I felt that much shame and that much guilt. I was worried, but my sex drive was so high I truly didn’t care in the moment. That is, up until the moment where I hit the big O and there was some cramping. It scared the shit out of me. But. It was mild, barely anything, and the big O was probably the biggest I’ve had in a long time.
Immediately after I felt relaxed, relieved. Then I went to the bathroom and after having mostly spotted since the D&C, my stomach dropped when I saw bright red on the toilet paper. Look at what you did. What’s wrong with you. You’re going to bleed out again because you were horny? It will be your fault, again.
I spent most of last night scared, worried, scrolling google for answers, and feeling horribly guilty. However, I woke up this morning alive and well, back to the super light barely noticeable spotting. Then about half way through the day, the butterfly feelings returned. IM HORNY AGAIN?! WHY?!?
Without going through all the details, I went through the whole entire cycle I did yesterday again today. Now, I’m here typing this extremely long post. If you’re still here reading, I really appreciate that. I doubt I’m alone in my experience and feelings as it’s far more rare to have a singular, independent thought or feeling that no one else on the planet has ever had. However, I don’t see this experience talked about much and I’m not sure the reasons, or maybe I just wasn’t looking in the right places to begin with. But, I want you to know if you have felt this or are feeling this way after your abortion - it’s okay.
I know my hormones are raging. I know I just went through something horribly traumatic and it’s normal to have anxiety after going through something like that, along with the complications. I also know that everyone’s libido after this experience will drastically vary from person to person. I’m trying to remind myself not to feel guilty after that and if what I went through isn’t a shameful thing, then why am I shaming myself for any feeling I have afterwards or if I want my body and mind to feel good again with a little sexy time self-care?
Anyways, that’s it. Stay strong out there. You got this. Feel what you feel and don’t be ashamed for it either way.

文章目录

★“八元老”私下开会，商定帝位的废立

★政治局的批胡“生活会”

★关于胡赵之间的矛盾

★政治局的扩大会议

[]()

前一个帖子，俺介绍了“八六学潮”的来龙去脉。这次学潮的规模之大，用“朝野震惊”来形容，一点也不过分。此事对朝廷高层的保守派，震动尤其大。因为学生们公然挑战保守派非常看重的【四项基本原则】。这个“四项基本原则”不仅是党内保守派的底线，也是邓太上皇的底线（关于这点，俺在《太上皇邓小平的政治路线》里，已经介绍过了）。邓矬子这个人，在经济上是改革派，但在政治相对保守。面对学生们公然挑战四项基本原则，邓太上皇龙颜大怒。于是他决定跟朝中的保守派联手，以应对这场危机。

邓太上皇既然主意已定，当即在12月27日召集了7个朝中老臣（分别是：邓力群、王震、胡乔木、彭真、薄一波、余秋里、杨尚昆）到自己的寝宫开会。大伙儿请注意，这七个老家伙基本上都算是保守派，其中的邓力群、王震、胡乔木三人，更是保守派中的顽固死硬派。在会上，面对大规模的学生闹事，这些个老家伙自然是一致声讨，并且把矛头都指向了当朝皇上（胡总书记）。最后，邓太上皇做总结发言，大意是：当今皇上立场不坚定（没有坚持四项基本原则），面对大规模的学潮却表现软弱（没有强硬镇压），如此之人难当大任（必须立即撤换）。与会的七个老臣一致同意太上皇的意见。毕竟，这几个保守派的老家伙，早就对胡耀邦的很多做法看不顺眼了。于是，胡废帝下台的命运，就在这八元老的赞同声中，被内定了。

决定搞掉老胡之后，老邓找了几个人（据说是：薄一波、杨尚昆、赵紫阳、胡启立、万里），私下去跟老胡通气，希望他明白自己的处境，主动提出辞职。沟通的结果是，老胡同意主动辞职。毕竟，老胡也知道自己并无实权，真正掌权的是老邓。老邓让他下，他不得不下。

[]()

朝中的保守派得知老胡要倒台，欢呼雀跃。他们精心准备了一个专门针对老胡的“生活会”，其目的是：不光要让老胡下台，还要把他的名声搞臭。因此，朝廷中的保守派事先都进行了充分准备，写了很长的发言稿，罗织了种种罪名；而朝廷中的改革派（比如习仲勋），很多都不知情，直到会议前一天才被通知去开会。

在元旦过后的1月10日到1月15日，中央政治局的部分委员和中顾委的几个老家伙，在中南海怀仁堂召开了针对胡耀邦的“生活会”。老邓大概是考虑到他和老胡长期的私交，拉不下面子，没有参与此会。陈云和李先念，不知何故也未参加。最终由另一个元老薄一波主持会议。

前面的帖子俺介绍过，老胡这个人比较耿直。因此，他没有想到保守派会玩花样。生活会的第一天，他按照安排，首先做了自我检讨，并提出辞职。他的发言一结束，那几个准备很充分的保守派元老，就纷纷站出来，声讨胡耀邦的种种罪行。声讨最起劲的，当属保守派的干将邓力群，唾沫横飞地讲了5、6个小时（关于此人，俺后面还会提到）。

保守派针对老胡罗织的罪名，主要是政治立场问题，包括：没有坚持“四项基本原则”，没有强调“反资产阶级自由化”。在政治立场方面，不光保守派同老胡有分歧，老邓作为改革派的头头，同老胡也是有分歧的。俺在之前的《胡废帝是如何失宠的》有专门介绍。显然，政治立场问题是废黜皇上的主要依据。

除了政治立场这个主要罪名，还有其它一些捕风捉影的事，也被拿到台面上来说。比如老胡长期主持团中央的工作，自然会提拔很多年轻干部。（俺写这篇博文的时候）当今皇上是胡面瘫，当朝宰相是温影帝，这俩都曾被老胡提拔过。于是保守派就以此为罪名，说他“提拔亲信、组织小团体、搞小帮派...”还有其它一些子虚乌有的罪名，俺就不一一列举啦。

长达6天的生活会，对胡耀邦的精神打击非常大。据说某次散会后，老胡在怀仁堂门口大哭了一场，这是从未有过的。可见他内心的痛苦和委屈。这种精神上的压抑，想必持续了很长时间，并最终导致老胡过早去世。

[]()

在上述生活会中，还有一个小插曲，俺有必要提一下。保守派高管恶毒攻击老胡，这个好理解。但是某些改革派高官居然也见风转舵，批评其胡耀邦来。在这里，俺不得不提一下赵紫阳。在那次生活会上，老赵做了如下发言（以下是原话，引自《中国改革年代的政治斗争》一书）：

俺原先对老赵的印象还不错。但是自从看到老赵的这段发言，就觉得他人品有点问题。在《聊聊政客的人品》这个帖子，俺列举了人品的几种境界，从老赵的言行，可以归入第三类（为了自保，不惜伤害他人）。

关于胡赵之间的矛盾，民间有很多传言。有一种说法是，老赵为了自己能升任总书记，私底下告老胡的状。关于这点，俺觉得应该【不】至于。从老赵之后在89年的表现来看，他不是一个官瘾很大的人。另外，在各种比较可信的资料中，俺也【没】看到有明确的证据，能证明“老赵为了升官而排挤老胡”。

但是，老胡和老赵之间，确实是有点矛盾滴——

在政治方面：

老胡比较开明，关注政治改革；而老赵在没有当总书记之前，主要精力都在经济改革方面，对政治改革并不热心。老赵直到自己当了总书记，才意识到：只搞经济改革而不搞政治改革，是有问题的（至于会有啥问题，大伙儿看看天朝的现状就知道了）。

在经济方面：

老赵长期在地方工作并主导了地方省份的经济改革，他在经济方面比较务实。而老胡在经济方面比较理想化，有时候提出的一些经济指标会脱离实际。在老赵当总理期间，有时候会抱怨老胡插手国务院的工作。

[]()

话说生活会开完之后。紧接着在1月16日，召开政治局扩大会议。这个会老邓和陈云倒是参加了。老邓一上来就发话：今天的会，耀邦不便主持，我主持。会议就是通过这个公报，其它事都不谈。他的言下之意，就是只通过公报，不允许讨论。所以，这个所谓的扩大会议，说白了就是走过场。对于熟悉我党运作的同学来说，这应该是见怪不怪了。

最终，16日的政治局扩大会议通过了如下公报：

1. 一致同意接受胡耀邦同志辞去党中央总书记职务的请求

2. 一致推选赵紫阳同志代理党中央总书记

3. 以上两项决定，将提请党的下一次中央全会追认

4. 继续保留胡耀邦同志中央政治局委员、中央政治局常委的职务

上述公报在党内传达之后，老胡基本上算是退出政治舞台了。虽然他还保留了政治局委员，但象征意义大于实际意义。

下一个帖子，介绍一下老胡下台后，党国权力的重新布局。

回到本系列的目录版权声明

本博客所有的原创文章，作者皆保留版权。转载必须包含本声明，保持本文完整，并以超链接形式注明作者[编程随想](mailto:program.think@gmail.com)和本文原始地址：

https://program-think.blogspot.com/2011/10/june-fourth-incident-7.html

回顾六四系列[7]：胡耀邦被废的经过

文章目录

★“八元老”私下开会，商定帝位的废立

★政治局的批胡“生活会”

★关于胡赵之间的矛盾

★政治局的扩大会议

★“八元老”私下开会，商定帝位的废立

前一个帖子，俺介绍了“八六学潮”的来龙去脉。这次学潮的规模之大，用“朝野震惊”来形容，一点也不过分。此事对朝廷高层的保守派，震动尤其大。因为学生们公然挑战保守派非常看重的【四项基本原则】。这个“四项基本原则”不仅是党内保守派的底线，也是邓太上皇的底线（关于这点，俺在《太上皇邓小平的政治路线》里，已经介绍过了）。邓矬子这个人，在经济上是改革派，但在政治相对保守。面对学生们公然挑战四项基本原则，邓太上皇龙颜大怒。于是他决定跟朝中的保守派联手，以应对这场危机。

邓太上皇既然主意已定，当即在12月27日召集了7个朝中老臣（分别是：邓力群、王震、胡乔木、彭真、薄一波、余秋里、杨尚昆）到自己的寝宫开会。大伙儿请注意，这七个老家伙基本上都算是保守派，其中的邓力群、王震、胡乔木三人，更是保守派中的顽固死硬派。在会上，面对大规模的学生闹事，这些个老家伙自然是一致声讨，并且把矛头都指向了当朝皇上（胡总书记）。最后，邓太上皇做总结发言，大意是：当今皇上立场不坚定（没有坚持四项基本原则），面对大规模的学潮却表现软弱（没有强硬镇压），如此之人难当大任（必须立即撤换）。与会的七个老臣一致同意太上皇的意见。毕竟，这几个保守派的老家伙，早就对胡耀邦的很多做法看不顺眼了。于是，胡废帝下台的命运，就在这八元老的赞同声中，被内定了。

决定搞掉老胡之后，老邓找了几个人（据说是：薄一波、杨尚昆、赵紫阳、胡启立、万里），私下去跟老胡通气，希望他明白自己的处境，主动提出辞职。沟通的结果是，老胡同意主动辞职。毕竟，老胡也知道自己并无实权，真正掌权的是老邓。老邓让他下，他不得不下。

★政治局的批胡“生活会”

朝中的保守派得知老胡要倒台，欢呼雀跃。他们精心准备了一个专门针对老胡的“生活会”，其目的是：不光要让老胡下台，还要把他的名声搞臭。因此，朝廷中的保守派事先都进行了充分准备，写了很长的发言稿，罗织了种种罪名；而朝廷中的改革派（比如习仲勋），很多都不知情，直到会议前一天才被通知去开会。

在元旦过后的1月10日到1月15日，中央政治局的部分委员和中顾委的几个老家伙，在中南海怀仁堂召开了针对胡耀邦的“生活会”。老邓大概是考虑到他和老胡长期的私交，拉不下面子，没有参与此会。陈云和李先念，不知何故也未参加。最终由另一个元老薄一波主持会议。

前面的帖子俺介绍过，老胡这个人比较耿直。因此，他没有想到保守派会玩花样。生活会的第一天，他按照安排，首先做了自我检讨，并提出辞职。他的发言一结束，那几个准备很充分的保守派元老，就纷纷站出来，声讨胡耀邦的种种罪行。声讨最起劲的，当属保守派的干将邓力群，唾沫横飞地讲了5、6个小时（关于此人，俺后面还会提到）。

保守派针对老胡罗织的罪名，主要是政治立场问题，包括：没有坚持“四项基本原则”，没有强调“反资产阶级自由化”。在政治立场方面，不光保守派同老胡有分歧，老邓作为改革派的头头，同老胡也是有分歧的。俺在之前的《胡废帝是如何失宠的》有专门介绍。显然，政治立场问题是废黜皇上的主要依据。

除了政治立场这个主要罪名，还有其它一些捕风捉影的事，也被拿到台面上来说。比如老胡长期主持团中央的工作，自然会提拔很多年轻干部。（俺写这篇博文的时候）当今皇上是胡面瘫，当朝宰相是温影帝，这俩都曾被老胡提拔过。于是保守派就以此为罪名，说他“提拔亲信、组织小团体、搞小帮派...”还有其它一些子虚乌有的罪名，俺就不一一列举啦。

长达6天的生活会，对胡耀邦的精神打击非常大。据说某次散会后，老胡在怀仁堂门口大哭了一场，这是从未有过的。可见他内心的痛苦和委屈。这种精神上的压抑，想必持续了很长时间，并最终导致老胡过早去世。

★关于胡赵之间的矛盾

在上述生活会中，还有一个小插曲，俺有必要提一下。保守派高管恶毒攻击老胡，这个好理解。但是某些改革派高官居然也见风转舵，批评其胡耀邦来。在这里，俺不得不提一下赵紫阳。在那次生活会上，老赵做了如下发言（以下是原话，引自《中国改革年代的政治斗争》一书）：

耀邦为人宽厚，吵架不记仇，好共事。但也有弱点：喜欢标新立异，喜欢一鸣惊人，不受组织约束。现在老人还在你就这样，将来气候变了，你的权威更高了，可能成为大问题。人再好，也会发生变化。斯大林、毛泽东这么伟大的人物，也出了问题。我过去也想过，虽然我们现在合作得很好，将来到了这种情况能否合作好，就很难说了。 俺原先对老赵的印象还不错。但是自从看到老赵的这段发言，就觉得他人品有点问题。在《聊聊政客的人品》这个帖子，俺列举了人品的几种境界，从老赵的言行，可以归入第三类（为了自保，不惜伤害他人）。

关于胡赵之间的矛盾，民间有很多传言。有一种说法是，老赵为了自己能升任总书记，私底下告老胡的状。关于这点，俺觉得应该【不】至于。从老赵之后在89年的表现来看，他不是一个官瘾很大的人。另外，在各种比较可信的资料中，俺也【没】看到有明确的证据，能证明“老赵为了升官而排挤老胡”。

但是，老胡和老赵之间，确实是有点矛盾滴——

在政治方面：

老胡比较开明，关注政治改革；而老赵在没有当总书记之前，主要精力都在经济改革方面，对政治改革并不热心。老赵直到自己当了总书记，才意识到：只搞经济改革而不搞政治改革，是有问题的（至于会有啥问题，大伙儿看看天朝的现状就知道了）。

在经济方面：

老赵长期在地方工作并主导了地方省份的经济改革，他在经济方面比较务实。而老胡在经济方面比较理想化，有时候提出的一些经济指标会脱离实际。在老赵当总理期间，有时候会抱怨老胡插手国务院的工作。

★政治局的扩大会议

话说生活会开完之后。紧接着在1月16日，召开政治局扩大会议。这个会老邓和陈云倒是参加了。老邓一上来就发话：今天的会，耀邦不便主持，我主持。会议就是通过这个公报，其它事都不谈。他的言下之意，就是只通过公报，不允许讨论。所以，这个所谓的扩大会议，说白了就是走过场。对于熟悉我党运作的同学来说，这应该是见怪不怪了。

最终，16日的政治局扩大会议通过了如下公报：

1. 一致同意接受胡耀邦同志辞去党中央总书记职务的请求

2. 一致推选赵紫阳同志代理党中央总书记

3. 以上两项决定，将提请党的下一次中央全会追认

4. 继续保留胡耀邦同志中央政治局委员、中央政治局常委的职务

上述公报在党内传达之后，老胡基本上算是退出政治舞台了。虽然他还保留了政治局委员，但象征意义大于实际意义。

下一个帖子，介绍一下老胡下台后，党国权力的重新布局。

回到本系列的目录

版权声明

本博客所有的原创文章，作者皆保留版权。转载必须包含本声明，保持本文完整，并以超链接形式注明作者编程随想和本文原始地址：

https://program-think.blogspot.com/2011/10/june-fourth-incident-7.html

Stayed level 6 and rerolled until I died, which ended up being on 5.4. Died with only 7 copies. And before anyone asks, no he wasn't contested. From time to time opponents had Shen as a placeholder, but by stage 5 I was the only one with any. I know it wasn't optimal play on my part, but I have had such bad luck rerolling this set I was hell bent on seeing if the game would even give me an uncontested 2 cost carry. And the answer was no. Rerolling is wild right now I tell you.

Hi all, I was gifted a custom built PC about 4 years ago and it worked great at the time with mostly refurbished parts, until about a year and a half ago my ex boyfriend downloaded a virus (and effectively destroyed) my PC. We boiled it down to a corrupted hard drive and a shorted motherboard. I replaced the motherboard and hard drive and still was facing crashes, namely during Valorant. When playing the game, it would show a muted green screen with no error messsages or text like a blue screen would.
It happened repeatedly and I figured it was the graphics card. I upgraded to a Radeon 6650 xt, nothing special, and when I played Val it would say the drivers timed out (amd crash reporter would pull up). So my next logical step was to upgrade the power supply from a 500W to a 750W. I know this all seems ridiculous, but I know so little about computers and was never told the specs of the original state of the PC. Now, I'm having the same exact issue still, except it's happening later into playing the game. The only other game this happened during was Pico Park, but everything went smooth for The Binding Of Isaac and for Apex Legends. It functions for Internet related work, just struggling in the gaming aspect. To confirm, it still sometimes does the green screen as well as the regular driver crash. Drivers are up to date. Is all hope lost?
Here's my current specs:
GPU: Radeon 6650 xt CPU: Ryzen 5 2600 PSU: Corsair 750W
If I left anything out let me know. Thanks for any and all help in advanced :)

回顾六四系列[7]：胡耀邦被废的经过

文章目录 ★“八元老”私下开会，商定帝位的废立 ★政治局的批胡“生活会” ★关于胡赵之间的矛盾 ★政治局的扩大会议 []()

★“八元老”私下开会，商定帝位的废立

前一个帖子，俺介绍了“八六学潮”的来龙去脉。这次学潮的规模之大，用“朝野震惊”来形容，一点也不过分。此事对朝廷高层的保守派，震动尤其大。因为学生们公然挑战保守派非常看重的【四项基本原则】。这个“四项基本原则”不仅是党内保守派的底线，也是邓太上皇的底线（关于这点，俺在《太上皇邓小平的政治路线》里，已经介绍过了）。邓矬子这个人，在经济上是改革派，但在政治相对保守。面对学生们公然挑战四项基本原则，邓太上皇龙颜大怒。于是他决定跟朝中的保守派联手，以应对这场危机。 邓太上皇既然主意已定，当即在12月27日召集了7个朝中老臣（分别是：邓力群、王震、胡乔木、彭真、薄一波、余秋里、杨尚昆）到自己的寝宫开会。大伙儿请注意，这七个老家伙基本上都算是保守派，其中的邓力群、王震、胡乔木三人，更是保守派中的顽固死硬派。在会上，面对大规模的学生闹事，这些个老家伙自然是一致声讨，并且把矛头都指向了当朝皇上（胡总书记）。最后，邓太上皇做总结发言，大意是：当今皇上立场不坚定（没有坚持四项基本原则），面对大规模的学潮却表现软弱（没有强硬镇压），如此之人难当大任（必须立即撤换）。与会的七个老臣一致同意太上皇的意见。毕竟，这几个保守派的老家伙，早就对胡耀邦的很多做法看不顺眼了。于是，胡废帝下台的命运，就在这八元老的赞同声中，被内定了。 决定搞掉老胡之后，老邓找了几个人（据说是：薄一波、杨尚昆、赵紫阳、胡启立、万里），私下去跟老胡通气，希望他明白自己的处境，主动提出辞职。沟通的结果是，老胡同意主动辞职。毕竟，老胡也知道自己并无实权，真正掌权的是老邓。老邓让他下，他不得不下。
[]()

★政治局的批胡“生活会”

朝中的保守派得知老胡要倒台，欢呼雀跃。他们精心准备了一个专门针对老胡的“生活会”，其目的是：不光要让老胡下台，还要把他的名声搞臭。因此，朝廷中的保守派事先都进行了充分准备，写了很长的发言稿，罗织了种种罪名；而朝廷中的改革派（比如习仲勋），很多都不知情，直到会议前一天才被通知去开会。 在元旦过后的1月10日到1月15日，中央政治局的部分委员和中顾委的几个老家伙，在中南海怀仁堂召开了针对胡耀邦的“生活会”。老邓大概是考虑到他和老胡长期的私交，拉不下面子，没有参与此会。陈云和李先念，不知何故也未参加。最终由另一个元老薄一波主持会议。 前面的帖子俺介绍过，老胡这个人比较耿直。因此，他没有想到保守派会玩花样。生活会的第一天，他按照安排，首先做了自我检讨，并提出辞职。他的发言一结束，那几个准备很充分的保守派元老，就纷纷站出来，声讨胡耀邦的种种罪行。声讨最起劲的，当属保守派的干将邓力群，唾沫横飞地讲了5、6个小时（关于此人，俺后面还会提到）。 保守派针对老胡罗织的罪名，主要是政治立场问题，包括：没有坚持“四项基本原则”，没有强调“反资产阶级自由化”。在政治立场方面，不光保守派同老胡有分歧，老邓作为改革派的头头，同老胡也是有分歧的。俺在之前的《胡废帝是如何失宠的》有专门介绍。显然，政治立场问题是废黜皇上的主要依据。 除了政治立场这个主要罪名，还有其它一些捕风捉影的事，也被拿到台面上来说。比如老胡长期主持团中央的工作，自然会提拔很多年轻干部。（俺写这篇博文的时候）当今皇上是胡面瘫，当朝宰相是温影帝，这俩都曾被老胡提拔过。于是保守派就以此为罪名，说他“提拔亲信、组织小团体、搞小帮派...”还有其它一些子虚乌有的罪名，俺就不一一列举啦。 长达6天的生活会，对胡耀邦的精神打击非常大。据说某次散会后，老胡在怀仁堂门口大哭了一场，这是从未有过的。可见他内心的痛苦和委屈。这种精神上的压抑，想必持续了很长时间，并最终导致老胡过早去世。
[]()

★关于胡赵之间的矛盾

在上述生活会中，还有一个小插曲，俺有必要提一下。保守派高管恶毒攻击老胡，这个好理解。但是某些改革派高官居然也见风转舵，批评其胡耀邦来。在这里，俺不得不提一下赵紫阳。在那次生活会上，老赵做了如下发言（以下是原话，引自《中国改革年代的政治斗争》一书）：

耀邦为人宽厚，吵架不记仇，好共事。但也有弱点：喜欢标新立异，喜欢一鸣惊人，不受组织约束。现在老人还在你就这样，将来气候变了，你的权威更高了，可能成为大问题。人再好，也会发生变化。斯大林、毛泽东这么伟大的人物，也出了问题。我过去也想过，虽然我们现在合作得很好，将来到了这种情况能否合作好，就很难说了。

俺原先对老赵的印象还不错。但是自从看到老赵的这段发言，就觉得他人品有点问题。在《聊聊政客的人品》这个帖子，俺列举了人品的几种境界，从老赵的言行，可以归入第三类（为了自保，不惜伤害他人）。 关于胡赵之间的矛盾，民间有很多传言。有一种说法是，老赵为了自己能升任总书记，私底下告老胡的状。关于这点，俺觉得应该【不】至于。从老赵之后在89年的表现来看，他不是一个官瘾很大的人。另外，在各种比较可信的资料中，俺也【没】看到有明确的证据，能证明“老赵为了升官而排挤老胡”。 但是，老胡和老赵之间，确实是有点矛盾滴—— 在政治方面： 老胡比较开明，关注政治改革；而老赵在没有当总书记之前，主要精力都在经济改革方面，对政治改革并不热心。老赵直到自己当了总书记，才意识到：只搞经济改革而不搞政治改革，是有问题的（至于会有啥问题，大伙儿看看天朝的现状就知道了）。 在经济方面： 老赵长期在地方工作并主导了地方省份的经济改革，他在经济方面比较务实。而老胡在经济方面比较理想化，有时候提出的一些经济指标会脱离实际。在老赵当总理期间，有时候会抱怨老胡插手国务院的工作。
[]()

★政治局的扩大会议

话说生活会开完之后。紧接着在1月16日，召开政治局扩大会议。这个会老邓和陈云倒是参加了。老邓一上来就发话：今天的会，耀邦不便主持，我主持。会议就是通过这个公报，其它事都不谈。他的言下之意，就是只通过公报，不允许讨论。所以，这个所谓的扩大会议，说白了就是走过场。对于熟悉我党运作的同学来说，这应该是见怪不怪了。 最终，16日的政治局扩大会议通过了如下公报： 1. 一致同意接受胡耀邦同志辞去党中央总书记职务的请求 2. 一致推选赵紫阳同志代理党中央总书记 3. 以上两项决定，将提请党的下一次中央全会追认 4. 继续保留胡耀邦同志中央政治局委员、中央政治局常委的职务 上述公报在党内传达之后，老胡基本上算是退出政治舞台了。虽然他还保留了政治局委员，但象征意义大于实际意义。
下一个帖子，介绍一下老胡下台后，党国权力的重新布局。
回到本系列的目录
版权声明 本博客所有的原创文章，作者皆保留版权。转载必须包含本声明，保持本文完整，并以超链接形式注明作者[编程随想](mailto:program.think@gmail.com)和本文原始地址： https://program-think.blogspot.com/2011/10/june-fourth-incident-7.html

Hello, any advice or insight into my situation would be appreciated.
The background:
I completed a master's thesis in 2021. My supervisors thought it was good enough to publish in a high-quality journal, so I began turning it into a manuscript and started a PhD in 2022 with the same principal supervisor but a different associate supervisor. My dad got sick in 2022 and died in 2023, which affected my productivity and caused me to put a formal interruption on my PhD for 2023. I have a feeling this has been inconvenient (in the way that it has been annoying for them to have to dedicate any time toward it administratively) for my 2 most senior supervisors because they have been very frosty with me when they weren't before.
The problem I'm having:
The associate supervisor from my master's thesis, my coauthor, has been sitting on a draft of the manuscript since 2022. We were supposed to polish the draft before giving it to my principal supervisor for the final review. She told me repeatedly (even up to a month ago) that she was busy looking at it but never did get back to me, and has now left academia and ghosted everyone. I got tired of waiting a long time ago, so I did the best I could on the paper and gave it to my principal supervisor for his review. A month ago he said he would get back to me within 3 days but never did and also does not answer any emails (both about the paper and other things related to my PhD). He is currently overseas because he has a joint appointment with a European university. I can't just be patient because I found out my other PhD supervisor (Who is my ex-principal PhD supervisor but retired in 2022 and is now 10% associate supervisor as an emeritus professor. Master's principal took over his position as principal), has now written a manuscript on the exact same thing as me, which will obviously be way better than mine. He knows I am working on this paper. I delivered a seminar that he attended. I don't know for sure, but my current principal supervisor may be a coauthor on his paper. I think this because the postdoc who has a grant with each of them is on the paper. I want to just go ahead and submit it but I'm just a student and this is my first paper, so there is a very low chance of it being accepted without their input. Also, I feel like it would sour my relationship with my principal supervisor, not that he gives a shit about me anyway, but I don't want to antagonise him and potentially turn his apathy toward me into complete aversion. I am just lucky my associate PhD supervisor is helpful and treats me well.
To summarise:
I'm trying to submit a paper but one coauthor has left academia and ghosted everyone, my principal supervisor and coauthor is semi-ghosting me, and my other PhD supervisor is snaking the paper off me.

My(F26) dad passed away suddenly 4 days ago. I’ve posted on here before about fearing for my life and safety because my ex (M28) became unhinged and began stalking me in real life and harassing me online after our divorce. I filed for an order of protection 2 months ago but it has not been finalized or granted yet. He was an alcoholic and would drink to the point of shitfaced every night without fail by the second year of our marriage. As soon as he cracked open his bottle of vodka after work he’d get argumentative, verbally abusive, and physically abusive. I’ve been an emotional wreak since my dad died and on the walk to his burial site at the funeral while holding my moms hand I spotted him ahead of me in the crowd and my heart fell to my stomach. I was mortified and stopped dead in my tracks. I felt like my brain was malfunctioning. He didn’t approach me and kept his distance throughout the entire service but I spent the whole time reliving the abuse just at the sheer site of him when I should have been grieving my father. How can a person be so evil? On the worst day of my life my abuser won again.

My official receipt for my first Ozempic pen from Sobeys says it’s a 3 ml pen. I specifically remember the pharmacist telling me the pen would get me through my first 4 0.25 doses (so 1 ml) and then 4 0.5 doses (so 2 ml for a pen total of 3 ml), and she gave me two extra needle tips for that purpose.
Today I go to take my 3rd 0.5 dose and my pen is empty! I checked (my near vision is pretty awful) and the pen was a 2 ml pen, not a 3 ml like I was told. So not only did I not get my dose this weekend, but I paid out of pocket expecting 8 doses to only get 6.
Has anyone else experienced this? What can I do about it?? I’m pretty pissed off.