The title says it all. For privacy reasons I won't reveal names. I'm Jack a introvert or just have introverted tendencies so I don't do social things, I don't even have social media except for this and discord but they're just used for entertainment and for communicating with my friend Sophia respectively. Our friendship and before that associate relationship started 2022 it was from a associate relationship between two introverts that was originally just to help one another out and boredom since we met in a Spanish language class. It was alright we would speak a decent amount when we could on many topics including her boyfriend Alex and my (at the time) girlfriend, school and random stuff. Our relationship became friendship at this time I even met alex and would eat lunch together since we had no one else around that we knew plus we liked being alone from people but sometimes wanted to talk to a friend. It continued for the next semester even though we didn't have any classes together. Our friendship was well enough that we exchanged contact information since I trusted her and liked her enough to share info.( I never shared contact information before and very rarely do today since I never felt comfortable with it or closed to anyone since I was much more introverted than I am now) we would occasionally text every once in a while but my focus was school and my girlfriend. I didn't message her during the summer because it's just how I was never talking to anyone during the summer except my girlfriend of course. In the fall semester I didn't have a class with her like I did previous semester, but I had lunch with her and Alex as well and some of his friends that were in a little group for lunch. I eventually befriended one such friend of the group which I am also friends with, but not so much with the others, but we spoke respectfully. I would occasionally speak to Alex and we got along that I actually enjoy speaking with him When possible. But the trouble began with my girlfriend. I never introduced her to Sophia since she was in a different school but she knew of her. Our relationship that started in freshman year became more distant we would go many days to weeks of not talking. Most were because I naively thought I should give as much space as possible since I didn't want to be overbearing and she too was a introvert but also many tests to see if she even noticed or remembered me. I didn't like the many days and weeks of no contact that started in freshmen I set a boundary to talk at least once a day with just good morning or good night etc. it worked but it became clear she either didn't care or just forgot. I also caught her in a lie. She told me she would leave out of town for a few days and return a day later than when I caught her. I was with my family eating dinner at a restaurant but I saw her sister and waved at her she saw me and grew visibly awkward and nervous which was odd since I've met her many times before. She was the opposite of her sister, being very social and lively. I saw about a minute later my girlfriend going in to pick up what was ordered with her sister. I made a forced smile not wanting to make a scene saying hello before leaving right after. She didn't say anything to me for the rest of the day and I being a fool found her at the park the next day to confront her with why she lied. She said she forgot (something that was said multiple times before with texting) to tell me and I forgave her because I trusted but I grew suspicious there on out. Things got better but got back to her forgetting to text or reply to messages. I eventually invited her to my house for Halloween to watch a movie. It went well but I didn't even get some form of communication with her after that about the date. I before that was growing suspicious and numb to her and our relationship. So I went to Sophia since she was in my position before with a ex. I went to her since she was the only person I knew with any experience with relationships and because the more I saw her relationship with Alex the more I realized with my eyes opening more every day how terrible mine truly was. For almost a week she gave advice on my situation and gave me courage to finally break up with her a week before thanksgiving. I had a easy time breaking off the relationship but after it felt like a burden was lifted off my shoulders. I was free and single which is still weird for me. Now with that out of the way I must say this: when I speak with people and when I text with friends I sound very elegant or respectful and mature and as I've been told I sound very flirtatious with girls but don't even realize. It's like a old man when he's young from the early 1900s talking. Sophia has said about three times I've flirted with her even though I never realized even when told by her since it was never my intentions. Two were when I was in a relationship with my ex and once after our break up before I was given a ride by her mom because we both missed the bus. That last accidentally "flirt" as she said did a hit on our friendship and almost ended it. I watch my tongue when I speak to her and she noticed. Our friendship was odd for a while but it got better and now it's not odd but not as good as it was before either. I know she very clearly introverted like me but I still want a healthy friendship with her like before. I think it's likely because of her relationship with Alex because when I had a girlfriend we were closer. Another thing is their relationship is very different: healthier than my last one but always together to the point that neither speak and anyone else if together unless spoken to. I think she sees me as someone that wants to date her when I really don't but I do wish for a girlfriend just not her since I see her almost like a sister. So tell my random strangers on the internet what wisdom and advice can you give to me. It will be most appreciated.

Dear Ben, These past few days my mind has been stuck in a loop. I know I don’t want you back because of how you betrayed my trust, but I still see the good in you. We are so much alike, and to be honest I’m mostly just missing our friendship/bond that we had. It feels so lonely without you, especially since we live so close to each other. I’ve been contemplating sending you a text about how I’ve been struggling, and how I just want my friend back. I’ve written texts in my notes app that I so badly just want to send to you. I know you would reply instantly, but what you would reply is what is making me hesitant to press that send button.
I miss our late night drives for a burrito, reading comic books together for hours, telling each other secrets that we wouldn’t tell anyone else. It’s so hard for me to grasp that we aren’t talking. I put the ball in your court to reach out to me when you think we are ready to have that conversation, but I so badly want to tell you that I miss you and I forgive you. I want to know how you are feeling, what your plans are as far as moving back with your parents. I want to know it all. These emotions keep flooding me like ocean waves, only to throw my body onto the rocks. I’ve been praying to God at night that somehow, we will be able to at least be friends again.
I’ve never dated anyone that I wanted to reach out and be friends like this before. Usually I just cut off and never look back, but it’s so hard this time. There’s so much potential for us to be friends and continue our bond. The last time we texted 3 weeks ago you said we needed space before we talked again, that you needed to grow up and learn to be more mature and not do the things you did again, but I’m not looking to get back with you, I’m not looking to fix you. I just want to be your friend and be there for you and have each other for support. I’ve accepted we are over as a couple, but I just can’t accept that you’ll be gone forever. You told me you would message me when you’re ready to talk, and that you’d never shut this chapter on me so harshly, but I’m so scared that you were just saying that to make me feel good. I want to know if you were being genuine and it’s killing me waiting.
People tell me that I need to let the universe do it’s work, and you’ll reach out to me if our friendship is meant to be, but what if it’s the universes will for me to reach out to you? What if you are feeling just as I am and it’s the universe telling me to reach out? I saw shades of color with you that I’ve never seen before. I just miss you. Your energy made me feel a belonging that I have never felt before.
I guess this is my letter to not only you, but the universe. Please reach out to me. I’ve accepted the fate of our romantic relationship, but I can’t accept the fate of our energies and spirit being permanently severed. You added so much to my life. I hope somehow in your apartment when you are alone at night, that your spirit hears this call. I hope when you lay awake at night and ponder about me, that you make the right choice and listen to yourself. It won’t hurt my healing for you to reach out, it will mean the world to me.

Chris recaps Episode 5, in which the teams had to make their way through a sand maze, and the Foxes got their first win, which means Serpents got their first loss, and unfortunately, we had to say goodbye to Wayne for his outside voice, and his idea of racing with Raj, and losing because of a little sand in his eye. Let's find out who goes next.
Intro Plays like Usual
Raj is then waking up smelling Wayne's lucky jersey, and he sees Bowie looking down feeling bad, Raj asks where Wayne is, and Bowie takes a moment to prepare to tell Raj what happened. He tells Raj that Wayne was voted off, and Raj doesn't take this well, and starts crying using Wayne's lucky jersey as a tissue, Bowie tells him that he wanted him to tell him to give it his all, and that he is just as capable without his captain and his best friend is as a hockey player and a contestant. Raj thinks hard about this. Bowie then walks out of the foxes cabin and runs into Emma and Caleb who are seen whispering to each other, Emma tells him that Caleb was asking for phone numbers, which got her excited since she never got his at his season 1 elimination, besides he only had Priya's number and wanted to keep in contact with some of the other contestants so they can talk to each other outside the show, he was actually looking for Millie to see if she had any spare paper from her book to write numbers on. Bowie asked Caleb if he was cheating on Priya with Emma, Caleb is offended by it, but Bowie says he's just kidding and can't take him seriously when he's angry or upset, Caleb can't help but laugh at the way he sounded. Bowie hasn't seen Millie, but once he gets the paper, he'd love to give him his phone number, he'll even write down Wayne and Raj's numbers too. Bowie then asked Caleb if he could talk to Emma alone, and he agrees and goes off to find Millie. Eventually we see Nichelle telling Axel that she figured out what Julia's weakness is and that it's that she likes MK but is too proud of herself to admit it, and Axel doesn't think Julia would show affection to anyone, but MK seems to be the only contestant she has a positive opinion on, and Nichelle says that's exactly what they'll do to set Julia off. Emma starts by taking a deep breath and starts apologizing to the way she treated him, and ignoring him for most of Season 2, she goes on and on about how much of a jerk she was, and that she feels terrible for throwing away one of her only genuine friendships she ever had. Bowie can tell Emma was sorry, which explained why she offered to help Wayne and Raj out of the maize, to earn Bowie's respect back, He tells him that she has done more than that, she was smart, stayed strong, and was emotionally mature. Emma jokes that sounded familiar. Bowie then asked if she voted Chase at the last elimination, Emma says she didn't surprisingly, no hate to Wayne, but she thinks using Chase as a vote could help her in the game maybe learn a few things from a master strategist. Bowie admires Emma's strategy and thinks they could do something great with this. We then see Millie drawing in a new notebook in which she is drawing out the steps to help Damien finally tie his shoes, Damien then looks at the notebook, and with the pictures, it's a success, and Damien has done it, he's proud of it and that he is capable and now he won't have to worry about tripping, getting filmed by Chase, being laughed at, or getting stuck because some psycho stepped on the laces. Eventually Scary Girl comes in when he mentions psycho, and Damien screams and bolts out the room, Millie jokes that at least his shoes are under control, Scary Girl then asks Millie if she can recall a certain event from Season 1, that involved her, it was the same night as the one where she captured the skull, Millie remembers and Scary Girl warns her that she'll make sure she remembers and innocently skips out of the room. Caleb then walks in seeing Millie looking a little freaked out, Caleb is smart enough to know that Scary Girl was here, and he asked if she's ok, Millie says she's fine and Caleb changes the subject and asked how Damien is doing with his shoe tying lesson, Millie says that it was a success, and he's mastered it, Caleb is proud of Damien, and then asked to borrow a piece of paper, Millie gives him a piece of paper. She asked what he needs it for, but before he can explain, Chris announces its challenge time, Caleb says he can tell her later, he tells Millie to go find Damien while he gets his necklace since he forgot to put it on, Caleb hopes to get Millie and Damien's numbers too and maybe start a whole chat group outside the game. Hopefully after the challenge.
It then cuts to all the contestants at the bottom of the tallest mountain on Boney Island and that this challenge will be a race on the highest point on Boney Island, each team will have their own mode of transportation to make it to the top, each team will pick their mode of transportation to get the flags from a hat. Julia, Nichelle, Bowie, and Emma get Mountain bikes. Raj, Axel, Chase, and Damien get motorcycles. Millie and Scary Girl get roller skates. MK and Caleb both notice that there are no more vehicle cards in the hat, and Chris says that they will take to more natural mode of transportation, much to their disappointment. MK and Caleb for once both agree that Chris's treatment of them is slander, and Caleb tells her to not hop on his back like in Season 2. Chris then says each team must have all their members grab each of the 4 flags that mark 100 feet up the mountain, and it doesn't matter who grabs what as long as the team has 4 flags. Raj, Axel, Chase, and Damien race ahead. Julia, Nichelle, Bowie, and Emma start biking, Scary Girl skates fast like it's easy, but Millie struggles to keep her balance, so Caleb decides to hold his hand and they will go together. Chase attaches his camera to the back of his motorcycle so he can film himself, Damien tells him that not everything has to be filmed, since they are already on tv, Chase tells him he's just jealous he's got millions of followers, and he has none, Damien rolls his eyes, Chase eventually zips past Damien and grabs their team's first flag. MK eventually starts running but she hates running. Julia and Nichelle are in the lead, and spot the first flag and Nichelle shows off by riding the bike by standing on the seat and grabbing the flag flawlessly, Nichelle then sticks her tongue out at Julia. Meanwhile Raj and Axel are then shown riding their motorcycles, Axel notices Raj looking down and asks him to keep his eyes on the path, but Raj tells her that it's not that he isn't trying to not pay attention it's because he still misses Wayne and he's never competed without him there, Axel reminds him that she eventually was able to move passed Ripper's elimination and that he can do the same, it's not about competing with them, it's competing for them. That gave Raj a confidence boost and they sped up passing Chase and Damien and grabbed the second flag. MK is eventually able to make to wear the first flag was and wishes there was a faster way to get to the top, and eventually finds a moose and MK takes the opportunity as Chris said that she had to take the natural mode of transportation, and hops on the moose, while it was taking a drink, and carried on without the moose noticing her. The moose eventually gained speed when it spotted other campers and sped past them so she could get her team's third flag. They don't approve of MK's strategy, but Julia eyed her up smiling, Nichelle slyly tells her that she likes her and she knows it, Julia tells her that she was looking at the moose and how fast it was going, Nichelle knows Julia better than that. Millie and Caleb are then talking about how Millie wishes she was more fit like Caleb, and that if she did then this would be a lot easier for her, Priya's training her in Season 1 was a lot for her, Caleb agrees that Priya's training methods, or should he say her parents' training methods are too extreme for everyone to be able to do it the same, and tells Millie to play to her own strengths, like how he's very strong. Millie then asks Caleb what the point of asking for that paper, but before Caleb says it, a wind knocks Millie and causes her to go backwards on her skates and Caleb races after her. Chris announces that the Foxes have three flags, and the serpents have two, Caleb tells Millie they can worry about the paper later, and that they have a challenge to win, and Caleb eventually starts pushing Millie up the hill really fast. Julia and Nichelle are at each other's throats trying to knock each other off their bikes, saying they don't care if they win, they want to make sure that each other gets eliminated as they can't stand each other. Both of them eventually make each other crash into a bush filled with poison ivy. Scary Girl eventually passes them grabbing the third flag for the Serpents. MK is then seen almost at the top to grab final flag, but the moose eventually stops throwing her off and making her land in the poison ivy bush. Damien, Chase, Bowie, and Emma are all shown reaching the top and try to grab the Serpent's flag, but the flag flies away before one of them can grab it. Caleb and Millie are about to grab the flag as it's flying but Scary Girl pushes Millie back without Caleb noticing and once he sees Millie skating back down the mountain he chooses to run after Millie, instead of grabbing the flag. Eventually Axel and Raj make it to the top grabbing the final flag for the foxes and Chris announces the Foxes win the challenge. Raj and Axel high five. Nichelle, Julia, and MK are all too itchy to celebrate. Chris then tells the Serpents that he will see them at elimination. Damien comes by to help Millie up, and them and Caleb they all angrily eye Scary Girl for pushing her, and Scary Girl claims that was fun and wants to do it again, hopefully maybe with seeing some blood next time, which freaks them out.
Back at the Serpents Cabin, Bowie and Emma are talking about who they want to eliminate, Emma was thinking Scary Girl as punishment for pushing Millie, and that she's just too unhinged to be here. Bowie then adds that Chase could go, but...Emma jumped in that he didn't do anything too worthy of going and besides they need his vote to further their position. Bowie tells Emma that she's good. Bowie whispers to Emma the name of someone they feel needs to go. Emma's not too sure, and still feels guilty for having to eliminate Wayne and keep Chase, when he means well, while Chase doesn't. Bowie tells her to trust him, and that she needs to think with her head, Emma tells Bowie he's right, eventually Emma runs into the cabin to grab something, and then it cuts to the elimination ceremony.
At the elimination, the serpents all look nervous and Chef points out who's on the chopping block.
Millie: She wasn't too skilled on the roller skates, and that she was going more backwards than fowards.
Millie says that it was because of a certain something, wind and a certain someone she won't mention.
Caleb: He chose to save Millie from rolling down the mountain, instead of grabbing the flag for the team.
Caleb says that his heart was too big for his own good sometimes.
Scary Girl: She pushed Millie which caused Caleb to run after her, which cost them the game.
Scary Girl in a confessional says it's all part of the plan.
Now it's time to hand out the marshmallows
The following serpents are safe
Bowie
Emma
Chase
Damien
Millie
It was down to Caleb and Scary Girl.
The last marshmallow goes too...
Scary Girl. Which means that Caleb is eliminated.
Damien is shocked about how Caleb got more votes than Scary Girl. Bowie and Emma look guilty saying that it was best for their game. Caleb tells Damien it's ok, and that he knew he was going to get voted off eventually, he just wishes that he was able to get everyone's phone numbers, but he left the paper in the cabins, Emma then hands him the paper he got from Millie from the cabin with Emma, Bowie, Wayne, and Raj's numbers. Millie finally realized that was what the paper was for, and Caleb asks Millie to right her number on there, she does and then Damien writes his. Chase tells Caleb he's too much of a goody-two-shoes to get his phone number, Caleb rolls his eyes, and Scary Girl says she doesn't need his phone number, as she already knows where to find him at all times, Caleb then gulps, and then tells Millie to make Priya proud, and Millie smiles with a tear from her eye. Chris then tells Caleb it's time to go. Everyone except Chase and Scary Girl, waved goodbye to Caleb. As he walks to the casket, he says that is satisfied with how he played without Priya and that he's looking forward to seeing her, and hoping she's doing ok with her parents, and was happy to finally make more connections with the other campers. He climbs into the casket and off he goes.
Scary Girl has a confessional in which she says that her plan worked perfectly, since she's not quite done with Millie yet, and still felt her thirst for vengeance wasn't fulfilled enough to get rid of her and Damien's screams are too good of a reason to not get rid of him. So that only left her with Caleb, besides he's not as fun to scare as Millie or Damien, according to her.
Chris wishes that the elimination wasn't so sentimental but says that at least it's over and closes out by asking who will go next. Find out on the next episode coming soon.
Votes:
Caleb: Scary Girl, Bowie, Emma, Chase
Scary Girl: Caleb, Millie, Damien
EPISODE 1: NON-ELIMINATION
EPISODE 2: PRIYA
EPISODE 3: RIPPER
EPISODE 4: ZEE
EPISODE 5: WAYNE
EPISODE 6: CALEB
EPISODE 7: TBA
Remaining:
Serpents: Bowie, Emma, Chase, Damien, Scary Girl, Millie
Foxes: Julia, MK, Axel, Nichelle, Raj

This is going to be really long, so bear with me if you are going to read it.
During most of my life, I never cared much about relationships, and I was rarely attracted to anyone anyway, so I didn’t think much about this topic. I didn’t even kiss anyone until age 21, and I didn’t date or have sex until age 22 (with the same person I kissed for the first time). I’m always single and celibate, because I don’t have casual sex either. This is mostly voluntary, because I have high standards, I’m rarely attracted to anyone, I’m used to this situation and I would rather be single forever than date someone just for the sake of it. But it’s also involuntary because every time I like someone, either that person doesn’t like me back or it’s a right person/wrong time or place kind of thing.
As I get older this situation is starting to bother me more. I used to assume “well, I will find someone eventually, and if I don’t, that’s okay too”, but in the last couple of years, many people I know got into serious relationships. The exception is my main group of friends, where everyone is chronically single except for one girl. But when it comes to my former group of friends at uni, out of 8 girls (including myself), 5 or 6 are in a relationship.
I’m a member of a youth association that exists all over Europe, and among other things, they organise weekend events and trips. There are many single people in this association (I would say that most are, but it’s impossible to know considering that they are hundreds of people) but more and more couples are popping out. Also, in the last two places I was working in, I was the only single person on the team. That makes me feel lonely, and also, I’m at an age where groups of friends stop being as important because many people are focusing in romantic relationships instead.
I’m quite sad about this right now, because this weekend I met my ex after a long time and that brought back old memories. To sum up, we first met in an event of this association I mentioned that lasted a whole weekend. He was the first person I ever kissed, just a few hours after meeting for the first time. Because he lived hundreds of kilometers away, I didn’t see him until a few months later, but we started having a fling and we met again several times until we decided to start officially dating. However, we were only a couple for less than 3 months, because as soon as it became an official and “serious” relationship, we realised that the distance was a problem, especially because we didn’t see a future or and ending to that distance. It’s important to mention that during lockdown we weren’t dating yet, but we already had a fling and we texted every day, so we started facetiming several times a week, and that’s when we started getting closer. Also, because it was lockdown, there wasn’t a big difference between being long distance or being in the same city. So, even if the official relationship lasted less than 3 months, the whole fling lasted for a year.
We stayed in contact after breaking up, and we still face timed occasionally, until we eventually stopped face timing around a year after having broken up, but we still texted sometimes. A year and a half after breaking up, I travelled to a town near his city. I had to take the bus back home in his city, and I had a few hours of waiting before taking the bus, so I ask him to meet. This was out first time seeing each other in person since we broke up, and I was unsure about whether we should meet, because I thought it could be awkward, but everything went smoothly and we still could joke and talk about anything. This was two years ago, and we were both single at the moment. So far, I hadn’t even kissed anyone else since we broke up, and he said that he had a couple of hookups, but he hadn’t dated anyone else either. After this, we didn’t meet in person again until last weekend (I will go back to this later), but we occasionally texted. I didn’t have news about him for several months, because we talked a bit in July 2022, and we didn’t talk again until November of December 2022, when he texted me asking how was I doing. He told me then that he was dating a girl he met in summer. I was expecting it because I saw that he uploaded a few stories to Instagram with a girl, and he usually never uploads anything. When he told me, I honestly felt happy for him, and I realised that even if we were in the same city, I don’t think I would be interested in dating him again.
At the beginning of 2023, I had a fling with a guy that lasted 3 or 4 months, although most of it was long distance, because a couple of weeks after we met, I moved abroad for half a year. I don’t think it would have lasted longer even if I was still at home because it was a bit of random fling and I wasn’t that interested in him either, but it was fun while it lasted. Then, last summer I met a guy I was interested in on a trip of this association abroad, but he didn’t seem interested in me, so nothing happened. And last November, in another trip abroad of this association (of course), I met a guy who was clearly interested in me, and he even asked me the first night whether I was single or not after we were dancing for a while, but I wasn’t sure about what to do, because I thought that he was handsome and kind, but I didn’t feel that much chemistry with him compared to the guy in summer with whom nothing happened or my ex fling and my ex-boyfriend, because I felt instant chemistry with both of them. But the fifth and last night of the trip, I thought “fuck it, it’s now or never”, so just before he had to leave, we kissed. That was the last time I kissed anyone, because during New Year, I was again travelling for a week through this association, and the guy I was interested in in summer was there too. To sum up, something almost happened between us: we slow danced for like an hour, we held hands for a while and we even slept in the same bed one night, but we never kissed, because when I tried to initiate it when we were slow dancing, he didn’t seem to go for it. When I talked with him about this a couple of days later, he said that nothing happened and that he wasn’t looking for anything to happen, which I don’t understand, because he was the one who initiated whatever happened the second night of this trip.
Fast forward to last weekend, I was part of the organising team of a local weekend event of this association, and I was promoting it to people I know from other cities that are also members. Because I had been recently talking to my ex about something else, I sent him the information as well, and he decided to come. I was looking forward to see him, but also a bit nervous, but since there would be many people in the event, I thought that it would be okay. Before we met the other people in the group, the two of us met for lunch. Among other things, he told me that he was living with his current girlfriend and that they had a cat together. I knew that he had met his girlfriend in a trip of this association in summer 2022, but I didn’t know anything else, in fact, I didn’t even know whether they were still together or not, and I wasn’t expecting to hear that they lived together. He told me then that when they started dating, his girlfriend was studying in a city that it’s around 3 hours away by car from his, in fact, this city is in a middle point between mine and his, so when we were getting to know each other four years ago we spent a weekend there because it was convenient for us, and when we broke up, we even mentioned that if the distance between us was this instead of double, we wouldn’t have broken up, because it would be easy to meet every couple of weeks, and for any of us to eventually move if the relationship had progressed, because it’s not that much of a big deal to move to a place that it’s 3 hours away from home. He also said that they met every two weeks until she eventually moved to his city once she finished her studies, so it was even more ironic. After hearing this, I couldn’t help to experiment a mix of feelings that I’m not exactly sure I can identify. On the one hand, I feel happy for him, because he found someone he loves. On the other hand, I can’t help to think about “what if”. When he was dating me, he quickly gave up on trying to make the relationship work despite the distance, but with this girl, there was also distance during the first year, or at least the first months, but it seems that he took it more seriously. I know that these feelings are irrational, because the situation was very different: the girl wasn’t from that city, she was only there until she finished her studies, so it’s not like she had a life there that she didn’t want to give up; the distance was half, and it’s a place where you can easily take a bus or drive; and he didn’t broke up with me: I was having the exact same thoughts and doubts about the relationship, so the decision was mutual. But still, I can’t help to feel a bit sad about the fact that they are living together, not because I want to be with him, but because that means that the relationship is serious, and that since we broke up, he managed to found someone else and settle down, while I’m practically in the same place I was four years ago. Thinking about it rationally, I realise that it’s not true: in the last four years, I finished my Bachelor’s, got a Master’s degree, got my driving license, lived abroad for half a year, I met new friends, I travelled a lot, I gained some work experience and I learnt new languages, to name some things, but it doesn’t feel like those were big changes, and right now, I don’t feel like my life is that different from my life 10 years ago: I’m living with my parents in my home town, I don’t have any money, I’m unemployed, I never had a big style or hairstyle change, so I looked the same, and apart from the people from this association, the people I meet the most are the same friends as always, some of them have been friends since childhood, which it’s of course a good thing, but I really want to have some emotion in my daily life, because although I’ve lived many exciting adventures, most of them happened when I was travelling. Thankfully, I will start a new job next week. I was starting to feel depressed after I lost my previous job three months ago, so at least that big worry of my life will be solved soon, especially considering that the new salary and work conditions are great, and that the job seems interesting.
So, going back to the ex thing and the event this weekend, I had a lot of fun, and I enjoyed meeting him again. But when I came back home yesterday, these thoughts hit me and I felt this wave of weird mixed emotions I mentioned. One the one hand, this weird feeling of “what if?”, “why did it worked out with her and not with me?”, despite knowing that it’s irrational, plus the thing about him having moved on in life while I’m stuck, at least when it comes to my personal life. Also, since the last time I saw him in person was two years ago, when he was still single, and just for a few hours, and the last time before that we were together, it’s weird to see him now as someone else’s boyfriend. Since he’s the only person I’ve actually dated, I don’t have anyone else to compare him with. Sometimes I replay in my head the good moments we spent together, not in a “I miss him” way, but more in a “I’m happy I got to experienced this” way, and when I crave making out, cuddling or having a date with someone, I think about when I used to do those things with him, because I didn’t experience those things with many more people. I sometimes replay in my head the experiences I had with the fling guy from last year, but because the relationship was not as significant and I was never really in love with him, not as often.
Even if my ex was single, I don’t think I would want to do anything with him now if the occasion came up, mostly because it would be awkward and confusing, but also because I am not really attracted to him anymore, but at the same time, there is still a slight attraction that remains for two reasons: the complicity and intimacy we still have even after years apart, because of our past story; and the fact that the only reason why we broke up was the distance, and not problems in the relationship. I’m not sure if I’m explaining myself, because it’s a weird feeling. It’s like that past attraction cooled down, but didn’t completely disappear, and I could tell when this weekend we made some inside joke and had visual contact. Therefore, I think that in the hypothetical scenario of both of us being single and living in the same city, maybe we would eventually start wanting do date each other again (not right away), or maybe not, but I know that it’s not a 0% probability. After all, he is someone I was in love in, who knew me well, with whom I lived significant experiences that I cherish, so when I met him this weekend, I remembered all of that. It’s kinda when I see old pictures of friends I completely lost contact with, and I suddenly remember them after a long time without thinking about them, and then I feel nostalgic and think about what good times we had, but at the same time, I don’t feel like meeting them now because those experiences are in the past and it wouldn’t be the same.
So yeah, even if I felt comfortable with him this weekend and I could talk with him about anything, I’m feeling this weird mix of emotions, and I have to admit that the fact that he is living with his girlfriend affected me even if it’s an stupid feeling, for two reasons: that means that the relationship is serious, so he moved on and settled down, while I never dated anyone else; and it’s really weird to think about him being someone else’s boyfriend, because all my memories of him are tied to our fling and eventual relationship. This made me realise that the reason why I can be friends with him and be comfortable is because the occasions I saw him again after breaking up, it was just the two of us or the two of us plus people from this association, but I never saw him with his girlfriend, so if we lived in the same city, he would be a friend I would meet occasionally, but we couldn’t be part of the same group of friends.
Setting apart the topic about my ex and going back to the general topic about relationships, like I said, I feel like I really want to date someone now, but I don’t know what to do. Much of the advice I see online for people who can’t get into relationships doesn’t apply to me. A piece of advice that always comes up is to work out, both in order to get fit and for its mental benefits, but I already work out and I’m physically fit, and in general, I know that the problem is not my physical appearance. I know I’m not by any means gorgeous, but I’ve been told that I’m “cute” by a fair amount of people. Another piece of advice that gets repeat constantly is to “put yourself out there” and that “you are not going to meet anyone if you stay in your room”, but that’s not my case either. I mentioned a lot this association, in which I’m quite active, and I met many people all around Europe and travelled a fair amount thanks to it. Everyone tells me that I’m such an active and enthusiastic person, that I “never stop”, that I have so many interests and that I’m always making plans. However, the thing is that there is not that much balance in my life: one week I can be travelling, living amazing experiences and being social talking to everyone, and the next week I can be at home just talking to my parents and meeting a couple of friends on the weekend and that’s it, and to have a pretty chill and not very social life during the following weeks until the next big plan. Of course, it’s normal to have chill weekends and to feel less social sometimes, but what I lack is a more consistent social life in my daily life. I met so many people in my trips with whom I quickly became friends and with whom I would love to hang out as a group of friends, but we can’t because they live too far away. Also, most of the people I was attracted to live far away as well. My main group of friends is getting smaller every year, and to be honest, I’m fed up with the behaviour of some of them. On the one hand, most don’t care enough about meeting or making plans, and on the other hand, I don’t share values and important opinions with a few of them. I know that the solution is to do more stuff back home and to be as social in my daily life as I’m when I’m abroad, but I feel like it’s so much harder to be social and to open up myself in my daily life, because I already have a routine, it’s not as exciting, and you are not spending the whole day with these people as I do when I travel or when I go to events. For example, I go to the gym, I study languages and I do swing dancing lessons, but everyone in the gym is doing their own thing and once the language class is finished, everyone is back to their own thing, and we don’t hang out after that. The swing lessons thing, I think it has more potential to meet friends, because they organise social dancings almost weekly. I joined these lessons with my best friend, and we still haven’t been to a social dancing because we are beginners, but next weekend there is a dancing event that we will join with another couple of people from our classes, so that will be fun for sure.
To sum up, I know that my problem to overcome when it comes to social relationships is that I’m too distant and my avoidant personality. It’s easy for me to do small talk or to hang out in a group, but I struggle to keep long term friendships or to actually become close to someone and to be more than just a casual friend, and when it comes to romantic relationships, I honestly have no clue about how to act. The only three people I kissed in my life, I met them in a party, and it’s much easier to talk to anyone in a party, rather than just texting them or suddenly asking them to hang out. That’s also the reason why I never used dating apps and I want to avoid them if possible: I suck at texting, and I get really nervous if some stranger starts texting me, plus, I don’t know if I like them or not, because in order to be attracted to someone, I need three things: to be physically attracted to them, to like their personality and to feel chemistry with them, and this last thing is impossible to feel without meeting in person. Plus, I feel that using a dating app is forcing stuff, it kinda feels like LinkedIn, but on the other hand, maybe it’s necessary to force things a bit instead of letting them to “just happen”, because if you are like me, that will rarely happen. And last, I’m not easily attracted to most people, so it’s really difficult to find someone that I really like and that the other person likes me back. By the way, I didn’t mention, but in theory I’m bisexual, I say in theory because I know I’m attracted to women as well, but I never felt in love with a woman, I never did anything with one and lately, when I was imagining the relationship I would like to have, I imagine a man most of the time, but that’s probably because I was only with men and because of heteronormativity and internalised homophobia.
I’m not really looking for advice, because I know the reason why I’m chronically single and celibate is my avoidant personality and the fact that I don’t actively do anything in order to get one, but I don’t really know how to act about this. For starters, I know that I need to open my social circle and to be as social and active in my daily life as I’m abroad, but that doesn’t guarantee that you will end up finding someone you like (and who likes you back). Most of the people around me met their partners organically, not because they were looking for it. My ex met his current girlfriend on one of these trips, a friend from uni started dating another classmate from uni with whom she was friends since first year, another friend from uni met her boyfriend (the first one as far as I know) when she went abroad for a few months during her PhD, many others met through this association, or through common friends. As far as I know, I can only think about two couples in my circle who met through dating apps.
Anyway, I know that this was long as fuck and that probably no one will read it, but I just needed to write down these feelings and share them.

Kiki and Kimiko were at the park. Kimiko was throwing rocks against a tree as hard as she could, tears streaming from her angry, fiery eyes.
"Take that!" she growled, hurling another rock at the tree.
"Gee, you act like the tree broke your heart," Kiki said.
"I'm pretending it's Himiko!" Kimiko said. She reared back as far as she could and threw another rock with all her might. CLACK! It hit the tree spot on with a few chips of bark flying off. Kiki winced, imagining it really was Himiko. Then, Kimiko turned to another tree and threw a rock at that one.
"Why are you hitting another one?" Kiki asked.
"That one's Kokichi," Kimiko muttered bitterly. She lifted her arm to launch another rock.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, there, missy!" Kiki said, slowly pulling Kimiko's arm back down. "Look, what goes on between you and your sister is none of my business, but, don't throw rocks at my pretend tree cousin!"
"Why not? He broke my heart!" Kimiko yelled. "And it's all because he likes HiMiKo! "
"Well, yeah...cuz...she's his girlfriend," Kiki simply replied. Kimiko's face contorted with anger.
"Well, he shoulda picked a better girlfriend!" she screamed, hauling a rock at the Kokichi tree. More tears streamed from her eyes. "I thought he liked me! But...sniff...he just gave me a cupcake cuz he felt bad for me!"
"I mean...any cupcake is better than none, right?" Kiki asked, shrugging her shoulders. "Just be glad you got one."
"No!" Kimiko shrieked, throwing the rocks to the ground. "I wanted him to give me one because he loves me!" Then, she threw herself to the ground and buried her face into her hands, crying. Kiki merely watched in awkward silence.
"Um...there, there...?" she mumbled, trying to say something to make Kimiko feel better.
"Oh, my...what do we have here?" came a girl's voice. Kiki and Kimiko looked up to see Junko with a smirk on her face. Through her tears, Kimiko spied Junko's outfit and gasped in awe, standing up. Kiki eyed Junko warily as if Junko were some kind of dangerous dog.
"I couldn't help but overhear your conversation," Junko said in a soothing voice. "I'm sorry that you got your heart broken."
"Who are you?" Kiki demanded with suspicion, but Kimiko stared at Junko with fascination.
"I love your outfit!" she breathed.
"Why, thank you!" Junko said with a sweet smile.

"What's your name?" Kimiko asked.
"My name is Junko Enoshima," Junko replied. "And what are your names?"
"Um...sorry, we're not supposed to talk to strangers-" Kiki began.
"I'm Kimiko!" Kimiko interrupted. Junko focused her gaze on Kimiko.
"Ooohhh...so that's why I heard you complain about Himiko," she said. Hurt flashed across Kimiko's face.
"Yeah...she's my stupid, butt-ugly big sister," she pouted.
"Aww, I'm sure she's nice and sweet," Junko cooed.
"No, she's not!" Kimiko spat. "She stole Kokichi away from me!" Junko gasped and put her hand to her chest in mock surprise.
"She did?!" she cried. "The nerve of her!"
"I know!" Kimiko agreed.
"Wait...how do you know who Kokichi and Himiko are?" Kiki asked Junko, folding her arms.
"Why so suspicious of me, um..." Junko said, tilting her head with curiosity. "What did you say your name was?"
"I didn't," Kiki replied. "And you don't need to know-"
"Nyeh...her name is Kiki!" Kimiko answered Junko eagerly. Kiki stared at her, mouth agape.
"Kiki...I see," Junko said with a smirk. "There's no need to be so wary of me, Kiki. I'm a nice girl."
"Yeah, Kiki! She's nice! I can tell!" Kimiko said.
"How can you tell, Kimiko?" Kiki asked, placing her hand on her hip.
"She's so pretty!" Kimiko answered. "So she's gotta be nice!"
"I'm pretty sure that's not how things work," Kiki said. "A stranger is a stranger, no matter how pretty." Junko looked between Kiki and Kimiko, grinning evilly. Then, she put on her sweet smile from before.
"I think Kimiko is right," she said. "After all, she's pretty, too!" Kimiko squealed gleefully.
"See? Junko says I'm right...and pretty!" Kimiko said. "Nyeh...she's totally nice!"
"Ugh! You think Kokichi's hot, and he was nice to you!" Kiki pointed out.

"Hmph! He may still be hot, but I don't think he's nice anymore," Kimiko huffed.
"Okay, how do you know she won't do the same thing to you Kokichi did?" Kiki asked, pointing at Junko. "Just because someone looks cute, or pretty, doesn't mean they're nice!"
"I would never, ever do that," Junko said. "Besides, you said you like my outfit, Kimiko, right?"
"Yeah! Yeah! Uh-huh!" Kimiko said, nodding enthusiastically.
"If you were my friend, I'd let you wear all the cool outfits," Junko said. "And you wouldn't have to worry about anyone breaking your heart ever again because everyone would adore you!" Then, Junko gasped. "You might even be able to win Kokichi's heart for good, and have him all to yourself!"
"Really?!" Kimiko asked. Then, she sighed dreamily. "That sounds wonderful!"
"Weren't you just mad at Kokichi?" Kiki asked, raising a brow.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk...it seems like your friend is trying to ruin your dreams, Kimiko...just like Himiko did," Junko said, shaking her head. Kimiko whirled around at Kiki in anger and annoyance.
"Is that true?!" she exclaimed.
"What?! No!!" Kiki said. "I just think it's weird that this girl cares so much about you."
"She just wants to help me!" Kimiko snapped.
"Um...but, why?" Kiki asked. "Why would she care? She's just some teenager."
"Who cares?! She's a lot prettier, nicer, and better than Himiko!" Kimiko cried. "Not only that, she's my friend! And you're trying to keep me away from my friend, just like Himiko keeps trying to take me away from Kokichi!"
"Kimiko, I'm your friend," Kiki enunciated. "And Himiko isn't trying to keep Kokichi away from you. They're boyfriend and girlfriend! Plus, Kokichi's too old for you!"
"Hmm...sounds like to me that you just want Kimiko as your 'friend' so you can boss her around," Junko said. Kiki's eyes bugged out of her skull.
"What?! No, that's not it at all!" she shrieked. "Stop makin' stuff up!"
"You don't sound like a very good friend to me, does she, Kimiko?" Junko continued. Kimiko glared at Kiki.
"No, she's not," she agreed.
"KIMIKO!!" Kiki exclaimed.
"See, Kimiko? She's even yelling at you," Junko said. "A friend would be more understanding and let you do what you want to do."
"Yeeaaah..." Kimiko said. She then turned to Junko. "She didn't even have fun watching Sailor Moon with me!"
"Whaaat?!" Junko gasped in mock surprise again. "I love Sailor Moon! How could Kiki not like it?!" Kiki rolled her eyes.
"Will you cut that out?!" she cried. "You probably don't even watch Sailor Moon! "
"You definitely don't!" Kimiko said, glaring at Kiki. "You think it's lame! You think anime is lame! You're no fun to be around!" She walked over to Junko. "I think I'll hang out with my new best friend!"
"Eeee! Yaaay! We're gonna have lots of fun!" Junko squealed, holding Kimiko's hand. She began leading Kimiko out of the park.
"Kimiko!!" Kiki desperately shouted. Kimiko gave her a dirty look and turned away. Junko grinned evilly at Kiki, triumphant in having stolen her friend.
Part Four
"Wait! Kimiko!" Kiki ran after Kimiko and Junko. They turned and waited for her as she caught her breath. Then, Kiki took a deep breath. "Okay, I'll go with you." Kimiko brightened.
"Really?!" she gasped. Kiki smiled and nodded firmly.
"Yeah," she said. Kimiko took her hand.
"Okay!" she said, then looked up at Junko. "Is that okay, Junko?"
"Of course!" Junko said sweetly. As soon as Kimiko looked away, Junko eyed Kiki with disdain, and Kiki glared in suspicion back at her.

Yeah, I'm on to you, creep, Kiki thought to herself. Junko led Kiki and Kimiko to Hope House.
"Oh, you live in one of these houses, too?" Kimiko asked.
"Mm-hmm! I go to Hope's Peak Academy," Junko replied. Kiki's brain was flooded with a bunch of questions. Why would someone who goes to Hope's Peak show so much interest in two little girls like them? Why would she care that Kimiko is Himiko's little sister? What was she planning to do with Kimiko?
"What's your ultimate?" Kiki asked, raising a brow.
"Well, if you must know, I'm the Ultimate Fashionista," Junko replied haughtily as they entered her and Mukuro's room. Junko allowed Kimiko to sit on her bed.
"What does that mean, Junko?" Kimiko asked, flopping herself onto Junko's bed.

"Please, call me 'Big Sis Junko!'" Junko said. Then, she turned to Kiki. "Feel free to call me Big Sis Junko, too. You can also sit on my bed if you want."
"I'm good," Kiki replied coolly, holding up her hand to deny Junko.
"Nyeh...what does being an Ultimate Fashionista mean, Big Sis Junko?" Kimiko asked, squealing and giggling this time.
"It means I'm the most fashionable, stylish girl in the country," Junko replied. "I'm in every fashion magazine, rocking the hottest fashion known to mankind!" Kiki rolled her eyes. Kimiko's eyes lit up.
"Nyeeeh...I love fashion!" she exclaimed.
"Do you?" Junko asked.
"Uh-huh! Can you show me the type of clothes you wear?" Kimiko said.
"Of course!" Junko led Kimiko over to her closet. Kimiko sifted through Junko's outfits, gasping in amazement each time.
"Your outfits are soooo cool! I wish I could wear some of them!" she breathed. Junko knelt down next to her, placing her hands on Kimiko's shoulders.
"Would you like to be a fashionista, too, Kimiko?" she asked sweetly with a slight ominous tone in her voice.
"Oh, my gosh! Yes!" Kimiko answered. "I think I'd be a good fashionista! I even love giving my friends makeovers and stuff!"
"Is that so?" Junko asked.
"Yeah! I even like to gossip with my friends while I give them makeovers!" Kimiko said with a sneaky grin.
"Oh, my gosh, me, too!" Junko said. "We're totally, like, twinsies!"
"Yeah!" Kimiko gushed.
"Let's make a deal, okay?" Junko murmured. "I'll let you be a fashionista if you give me one of your amazing makeovers. Does that sound good?" Kimiko nodded.
"Uh-huh! I'll even give you the hottest gossip!" she said. Kiki felt a chill go up her spine. At this rate, Kimiko would be willing to tell Junko anything, especially the existence of magic. Kiki didn't know the extent of Kimiko and her family's magic, or anything beyond that, but she figured that it was absolutely vital for it to be kept secret.
"Kimiko, I think we should be going," Kiki said. "It's gonna get dark soon."
"But...it's only 5:15," Junko said, blinking her eyes innocently at Kiki. "We still have more time."
"Yeah! Big Sis Junko says it's okay," Kimiko said.
"Why don't you stay a little longer, Kiki?" Junko said. "Besides, it looks like you know a lot about fashion, too! Just look at your outfit! It's so adorable!" Kiki scanned her outfit. She did like her outfit, but hearing it from Junko made it sound somewhat insulting.
"Well...I like it, that's all that matters to me," Kiki said, crossing her arms and eyeing Junko warily. Junko's sickeningly sweet grin slipped a little, a gleam of contempt in her eye.
"Well, if she's going to be such a party pooper about it, I guess we have no choice but to agree with Kiki, Kimiko," she sighed.
"Huh?" Kimiko whined, her shoulders drooping. Then, she glared at Kiki. Kiki kept her stance unwavering and her arms crossed. She eyed Kimiko firmly in response.
"Don't worry, Kimiko! You can come back tomorrow!" Junko suggested.
"And then I can wear some of your outfits?" Kimiko asked hopefully.
"Only if you give me a stylish makeover," Junko responded with a wink.
"I will!" Kimiko said.
"I'm sure you two know the way out," Junko said. "Oh, and by the way, Kimiko, will you be staying at Casa V3?" Kimiko nodded. "Great! Maybe we can meet here tomorrow at noon. How does that sound?"
"Nyeh...you got it, Big Sis Junko!" Kimiko answered excitedly.
"Excellent," Junko said with a sneaky grin. "Ooo! Before I forget, would you two keep our friendship a secret?" Kiki raised a brow.
"Why?" she asked.
"Because...we wouldn't want our friendship to be ruined...would we?" Junko replied. She eyed Kiki meaningfully with an evil smirk.
"I definitely don't want that!" Kimiko answered. She turned to Kiki, glaring at her. "You won't tell anyone, will you?" Kiki hesitated. If she told anyone, her friendship with Kimiko would be ruined.
So, that's what she meant by that, Kiki thought to herself. She sighed, feeling stuck. But, she definitely couldn't just let Junko take over Kimiko's life. Junko was undoubtedly bad news. "Okay...I'll keep it a secret," she reluctantly mumbled.
"See? We'll keep it a secret, Big Sis Junko!" Kimiko assured.
"Awesome!" Junko said. Then, she waved her fingers up and down. "Well...buh-byyyeee..."
"Bye, Big Sis Junko!" Kimiko said, and skipped out of the doorway. Kiki cast one look of suspicion at Junko before turning her back and walking away. Once outside, all Kiki heard was Kimiko gushing about how great bIg SiS jUnKo was, and how she couldn't wait to see her tomorrow as they walked back to Casa V3.
"Kimiko, I don't think we can trust her," Kiki interrupted. Kimiko stopped and frowned at Kiki.
"Why not?" she asked.
"Well...there's just...there's something weird about her," Kiki replied.
"Nyeh...you're just jealous of her because she's prettier, and nicer, and not bossy, like you!" Kimiko said.
"I'm not bossy, Kimiko," Kiki said firmly. "I'm just trying-"
"You're just trying to keep me away from Big Sis Junko!" Kimiko said, cutting Kiki off. "I can do whatever I wanna do, and hang out with whoever I wanna hang out with!"
"Ugh, Kimiko, you just met her!" Kiki exclaimed.
"So did you, but you keep saying she's bad, even though you don't even know anything about her," Kimiko snapped. Kiki had to admit that she had a point. But, she couldn't shake the feeling that something was off about Junko.
"Okay, okay...you're right," Kiki said. "But, I think we should be careful around her. She's a stranger after all."
"There's nothing to be scared of!" Kimiko groaned irritably. "You're just...p-paragraph, or whatever!"
"It's paranoid, Kimiko," Kiki corrected. "And I'm not paranoid. I'm just cautious."
"You're not that, either! You're just annoying!" Kimiko said. "You're just like Himiko! Why don't you just leave me alone?" Without another word, Kimiko stomped off. Kiki stared after her in disbelief and uttered a pained sigh. She checked her watch, which read 5:25. She had to catch the bus to be home by six.
"Yup...I'm ready to leave the Twilight Zone already," she muttered to herself.

Something I find kind of unique about Taylor Swift's public persona is that over her career she has "gotten away" with doing a lot of things that never seem to become a lasting part of the general public's image of her.
Sometimes it's in the sense that she doesn't face much backlash for things that many people would agree are actually harmful or unethical, like -

• The entire thing with Conor Kennedy when he was a 17yo high school junior and she was 22, right after his mom died
  
• Dating Healy / parading him on stage at Eras / brazenly doubling down on it a year later / publicly eviscerating her fans who spoke up about his racism. Most people outside of Swiftiedom have no idea that's the whole theme of this megastar's new era/album. It's all just cutesey friendship bracelet fodder.
  

Other times, what I notice she "gets away with" isn't necessarily unethical, just that reality doesn't match her public perception ...

• She's been visibly drunk at so many of her recent public appearances. (Good for her, hope it's all in good fun) But it's interesting how this is never mentioned- she still has zero reputation as crazy messy party girl, the box they love to quickly throw so many other celebs into (especially women)
  
• She overall maintains the "love's victim" image, no matter how many times she has alluded to herself cheating, or how nasty and vindictive she has been to every one of her ex-partners
  

Anyone else noticed this? I'm sure there many other examples.
Is her forced branding just that good?? Is she forever protected by the bullshit 'good christian all american white girl' illusion? Is she just lucky?
Taylor has certainly has faced her share of hate too, don't get me wrong. But phewww this girl dodges a lot of bullets

I was in a talking phase with a girl for a month, talked consistently, and we went on 3 dates, in which I met a part of her family and house pets in that time frame. Thought everything was going well since we were planning a 4th date, but then I am put into the friend zoned. I obviously still have feelings for her since it happened over the weekend. But with time I can just lose them.
So my questions to the Reddit community: 1. Is it healthy for me to stay and be friends? 2. Wait and believe there still a chance at something? 3. Do I just lose the feelings and pursue a friendship? 4. Or Block and move?
Here are the text messages in question:
Me: Asked her how her last vacation day was going, after we came up with a plan for the 4th date.
Her: “It was good we just did a lot of walking and explored the garden district and looked at more little shops. Now we're getting our stuff packed so we're ready to head back in the morning”
Her: “I also wanted to talk to you about what the situation is between us cuz you're very sweet and its been fun hanging out with you but I don't think I'm feeling anything more than a friendship between us and I wanna be honest about that now and not lead you on or anything. Im still open to hanging out if you're comfortable with that but I honestly don't think I'm looking for a romantic relationship right now.”
Me: “Sorry but to get closure on my end, did I do something wrong? I was under the assumption things were going well”
Her: “No you've been really great but l recently got out of a relationship and I thought I was in a place to try talking to someone new but I don't think I'm there yet and emotion-wise I have more friendly feelings for you than romantic feelings, I just had to take some time to think about it and figure out the right thing to say”
Me: “Alright I dropped off the toys for Hades (Hades is her cat). If you have any questions about the toys, feel free to ask. I hope he likes them! The Harry Potter crocheting kit I'm just going to save for when we hangout next time.
I wasn't the guy you were looking for right now and that's okay. I had fun planning dates and thoughtful gifts. So thank you for those memories!
I'll respect the boundaries you have set. When you're free to hangout lemme know. In the meantime, please take care of mr.orchid and the bracelets”
Her: “I also had fun and l'll take very good care of everything I really do appreciate how sweet you've been and again I'm sorry for hurting you but I hope we can still have a good friendship🫶🏻”

Who invented angel numbers? The truth is that no one really knows. It is speculated that Pythagoras was the first to invented angel numbers even if he didn’t referred it to a specific term. In addition there are many other people or phenomena that found or helped to develop the concept of angel numbers.
For more angel number interpretations, check out our vibrant subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/AngelNumbersMeanings/

In recent year angel numbers has become a well know divination tool which help to guide us through our personal journey. Yet, no one has took the time to create an original research and try to answer the question “who invented angel number?”

In this guide I will try to answer the question from the dawn of civilization through mathematicians like Pythagoras and John Dee. We will explore together the unknown world of psychic mediums, numerology and astrology. Furthermore we will investigate the connection of angel numbers to the holy bible, book writers, the internet and even lottery tickets.

The ancient man invented angel numbers

In ancient times angel numbers were a medium to predict the future. For example the Egyptians could foresee when theNileriver will flood the land and the Babylonian civilization used to document the phases of the moon with engraved symbols that were representing sophisticate numerical system. The evidences have been found inside of remote caves at the wild nature ofMesopotamia. They invented the perfect method to predict astronomy events such as eclipses and star movement in the sky. In that period it was associated with the divine and referred as sacred numbers rather than angel numbers.

In Greek there were small group of people who conclude that everything we see on earth and the far distant stars in the sky is operated by numbers. They associated numbers with psychic powers, they used to label rituals, spell casting, alchemy and ceremonial objects with angel numbers. Dark magic numbers were 13 and 6 and good numbers were 10 or 12.

Although every culture or civilization interprets angel number in a different way, there are some worldwide common meanings. For instant the number 3 is usually a good omen, there are many myth and legends in which this number magically appears: Norse gods, Greek deities and even Christianity trinity with the father, son and the Holy Spirit. This angel number suggest balance, it is the middle between right and left and it is also about creation, birth and pregnancy.

When people started to see these numbers at the sacred texts and religious practices, they though that if they encounter them during the daily life, it must be a message from an angel or any other spirit they believe in.

Therefore we can almost be sure that the ancient man or woman has invented angel numbers, even if back than it wasn’t called “angel numbers” but sacred or divine numbers. Unfortunately we can’t know who exactly he or she is as there is no clear documentation from that era in the history of human kind.

Is Pythagoras the one who invented angel numbers?

Pythagoras was one of the most famous philosophers and mathematicians of all times. Basically he is the first mathematician and thanks to him we know a lot about this topic. All the others who came after his time were building theories based on his findings.
There are many evidences of his work with number, so we can try to find a link between his wonderful work and the contemporary angel numbers phenomena.

At the basic core of his theory, he suggested that numbers are not random, there is an order or a reason why they appear like that in nature. Furthermore he didn’t explained them by what some might considered as boring and complicated equation, but with symbols and pictures which we all can understand and identified with. He used to draw dots, circles, squares and stars, so from the moment people saw the pictures, they understood that behind every object or living creature there is a sequence of numbers.

When we are taking this concept one step further we discover that every interaction is also represented by numbers. So if we see the numbers we might be able to predict the event. For example the length of the waves at the beach, the velocity of the wind, the hours of day and night and so on.

Combining this explanation with the old and common notion that god or other spirits are ruling the world, we perceive it as angel numbers, meaning the universe is sending us a sign that something is going to happen. We need to decrypt the code in order to know what exactly is coming. But more important we have to know how to interact with the future occurrence. Many people developed hopes for good luck and happiness, while other might felt fear and sadness. In this gap of worrying about the future psychics has entered to the situation and tried to give their assistance.

Psychics interpreted these numbers according to the knowledge they had back than, which is more likely to be from personal experiences and other cases they have seen before. For example if a person catches 9 fishes in the river he will be very wealthy. Why? Because the food will last for few days to all the family. As times goes by they developed this connection of cause and effect, not by mathematics calculations nonetheless by spirituality.

Numerology invented the first form of angel numbers

If we take a closer look at all kind of divination methods like tarot reading, runes stone casting, astrology, crystal ball, mediumship and etc, we can see that numerology is the closer one to the invention of angel numbers. This is because the main principle behind the specific kind of psychic reading is the symbolism of numbers.

The spiritual concept of numerology is base on the notion that everything in the world has a vibration and it is symbolized by unique number or sequence of digits. In scientific words, everything around us has a frequency and we actually able to hear or record it with digital equipment.

Numerologist claim to predict the future, check compatibility between lovers, disclose important dates in the future and lucky numbers. For them, everything happen from a reason, nothing is left by chance and it can be predicted accurately if you’ll just give them your name and birth date. So basically this believes is like astrology because your birthday date was already determined and so is your first name.

However in angel number the concept is completely different, it doesn’t matter what happened in your past as the angels are sending you messages related to the present and the near future. With angel number reading you have more options because it doesn’t depended on past action. Therefore even if angel numbers invented from numerology it was later developed in a different way.

Here is a good example: let’s say you were born with life path number5. Anumerologist will tell you that you have the following personally traits: you can adapt quickly to changes, you like to live on your own terms and have some characteristics of leader. Furthermore the luckiest days of the month for you are: 5, 9, 14, 18, 23 and 27.

However when angels are sending you messages from the spiritual world, there is no importance to when you were born or what are your personality traits. They connect you because there are certain things you must do if you want good outcomes. Additionally angels warn us from danger and sometimes guide us to accomplish our life’s mission, whether we know it or not. Nothing is predetermined and your destiny might shift rapidly, if you will only be aware of the sacred signs.

Angel numbers invented by book writers

It wasn’t until the early 2000s until books about angel numbers has been published and read by millions of people around the world. Back than book writers were the first people who actually called this phenomenon by its name “angel numbers”.

After reading many of them I discovered some common topics which addressing angel numbers and can shed light on the process of inventing them as a heavenly concept.

First at foremost it is very practical, in most case it is written like a dream dictionary chart, you have an index of numbers, usually a big list from 0 to 100 or even up to 1000. Each one of them has a short interpretation of the meaning and sometimes an advice concerning what you should do when you keep seeing this number.

Secondly there are chapters dealing with “meaningful numbers” or “important sequences” that you shouldn’t miss. It usually described repeated numbers like 555, 777, 1313 and etc. these are not regular numbers because they repeat themselves. The propose of the repetition is to grab your attention, to shift your mind from the daily tasks and focus on the spiritual sign that is coming right towards you. This is a life time opportunity that will not come back any time soon. The messages of the angels behind these sequences are crucial.

So if book writers invented angel numbers than they are focusing more on repeated numbers, which according to them, have a greater symbolism than the others. It’s explained as a combination between numerology and searching for spiritual signs and guidance.

Everything that happens to us during life can be interpreted as a sign from the divine, however in these books the scope is only about numbers. For example you have lost all hope that a certain situation will be solved. But suddenly you see the number 555 on car plates, price tickets, clocks, screens and phone numbers, than it is a note from the angels that everything is going to be just fine. So meanwhile keep on positive mood and expect for good fortune.

The same concept works when the angels want to warn you about bad paths or roads that crossing your destiny. Certain numbers are warning signs encourage us to redirect ourselves into a different thinking, behaviour or places.

After angel numbers invented they amplified by the internet

In today’s world we are surrounded by digital electronics. Almost every item have a screen that is giving us information whether in pictures, videos, audio, text and of course numbers. More and more people encounter these angel numbers on a daily basis and as a pattern seeking creature we start to wonder what is the meaning behind it.

After a while a major circumstance has occur and we associated it with the number we seen repeatedly before. In the past people were sharing the information with each other only when they met or talk in the phone. However in the internet era everything is wide open and we can share and learn about angel numbers and their meanings.

There are many Facebook groups where people are sharing their number related stories and coincidences, community forums, blogs at tweets all discussing the phenomena. However Google and other search engines are the reason why many people who don’t know about it are discovering this psychic approach.

When we type anything in the search box we usually are getting related search suggestions. So if we are looking for a street address, phone numbers or bus schedule we are also getting related keywords for the specific number. One of them is usually mention the term “angel numbers”. Therefore people who didn’t knew about it are now interested because they think that the number they search for hold a bigger meaning for them.

This is the reason why people might think that the internet or special computer algorithm invented angel numbers, although it is not true. Furthermore there isn’t much information on the internet for the query “who invented angel number?”, not to mention history references. Hence it looks like a new phenomenon that was created in the digital age, but the origin is dated back to the ancient time of human civilization.
Did angel numbers invented in the biblical times?

There are many stories about angels in the holy bible and numbers appears there as well. So it will be very wise to ask the question “Did angel numbers invented in the biblical times?”

According to the bible, God send sign in many forms like messengers, people, animals, angels and paranormal events. However there is no explicit reference to a number as a code but as a part of the prophecy. So the number itself is not the sign, it is just a small part of the message although sometimes it is very critical.

Numbers are very common in the bible book. Did you know that 20% of the words are actually numbers? It is a clue for the importance of numbers in creating the world and operating it according to precise principle. So numbers are part of greater plan the universe or the spirits have for us. It will be only logical to conclude that we can interact with the world on a spiritual way by deciphering the meaning of angel numbers, although the direct evidence is still missing.

Michael, Raphael, Gabriel, Uriel, Saraqael, Raguel, and Remiel are considered to be the 7 main angels or as they are calledArchangel. If god wants to send messages to people on earth than these seven spiritual beings will deliver it. Yet there is no specific message that includes just a number which need to be interpreted alone. But research shows that there were almost half a million other kind of angels. Because we don’t have documentation on every one of them, it could be possible to assume that some of them interacted with people on earth by sending coded numbers.

According to numerology we can assign a number to each angel’s name from the bible and therefore know what he wants to tell us. For an example Gabriel is a guardian angel who is usually delivers news about compassion. So if you are getting numbers that means empathy like 7, 67 and 3349 they have been sent by him.

Are angel numbers astrology?

Did astrologer invented angel numbers? No. although astrology uses numbers it usually limit it to dates and hours. Even though there are few calculation to do it still doesn’t says anything about the symbolism of numbers, only about zodiac signs.

It also doesn’t talk about angels. The predicted events don’t necessarily have cause and effects of angel, it can be other beings and the energies of the cosmos from out of space. In that manner astrology is more resemble to numerology than angel numbers.

However the date of our birthday might be connected not only to zodiac sign, but also to the angel numbers phenomena, because we can calculate a number which ultimately signifies our path in life. According to astrology, the day and time we have born was set by the universe as a part of bigger plan. We are carrying this plan or mission inside of us and with every interaction we can either get closer to achieve it, or go to the other way and do the complete opposite, which distance us far away from being fulfilled and enlightened.

In order to keep on walking at right track we should listen to astrology prediction – daily, weekly, months and yearly. Because the stars and planets are moving in the sky and influencing on our future.

Another connection between numerology and astrology is that in numerology there are 9 base numbers. These digits are the core foundations of all the bigger numbers` interpretation following from 10 to infinity. The same as with Vedic astrology, there are nine celestial bodies in our solar system. They suppose to connect us to the universe in metaphysical and mysterious way. The planets are: the moon, the sun, mercury, mars, venus, Jupiter, Saturn, southern lunar and northern lunar.

Nevertheless, the connection of angel numbers to astrology is very weak and can’t be linked directly, but through numerology - the psychic method we discussed earlier in this research article.

Who invented angel numbers? Was it John Dee?

John Dee was a mathematician who spends lots of time practicing psychic methods in order to predict the future. He used astrology, occultism and alchemy as well. The scientific community refer him more as a magician and less as a mathematician, especially because of his story about how he communicated with angels.

He claimed that Adam from the Garden of Eden story talked to angels and was able to understand them, but not by words and sentences of some ancient language. On the contrary, it was done by special codes which are similar or actually numbers.

John Dee believed that with numbers we can decode the mystery of the universe and tried to replicate the exact way Adam could talk to angels. In order to do so, he paired up with Edward Kelly, a well known medium who channelled spirits and lost soul through a mirror.

The plan was that Kelly will record the codes he hear or see from the angels through the mirror or the crystal ball andDeewill try to translate the code to English. Together they thought to be the ultimate combination between science and spirituality. Maybe in this way they will finally bring higher knowledge to the human kind.

In the end they wrote few books, all of them are about conversations with angels, it called “Enochian language” or “angelic dictionary” and it also include numbers among the sacred symbols from the divine. Kelly claimed he had talk with famous Archangels from the bible like Urial, Raphael, Gabriel and Michael. According to the book there was one more additional angel who called “Madimi”, it looked like a creature with golden hair and red clothing.

This is the only evident by far which directly correlate numbers with angel language. Not just an omen, but also as a mean of communication. So if the story is true, it is very possible that numbers are actual codes like any other symbols, letters and words.

Who invented angel numbers? Psychic mediums?

Psychic mediums claim to be able to contact angels and spirits. How exactly it is done and do they get message in numbers as well? Is it possible that psychic medium invented angel numbers?

According to Wikipedia’s definition, mediums are contacting dead souls. These spirits were a live in our world but after the death or a person they moved to another world. So mediums usually don’t contact angels directly, just in rare cases. However the souls usually have information about the angel so they act as messengers between the angel and the psychic person.

This form on divination become very popular in the 19^th century, it that specific century people could contact spirits without the need of a medium because of the invention of the Ouija board. The board is usually made of wood and it contain the words “yes” and “no”, letters and numbers from zero to nine.

If you would like to summon lost souls or angels than there is also a small Planchette. It has light weight and when you touch it gently the angels suppose to move it across the board. In the end it lands over specific letters and numbers which are part of the divine message. Therefore if the Ouija board has numbers, it is more likely that angels are contacting us via numbers as well and not only by words or mysterious symbols.

Another way to summon angels is by letting them to take over the body of the medium and speak directly. This practice considered very dangerous because the spirit might be a demon who pretend to be an angel and will never leave the possessed body.

Through history psychic mediums did mentioned numbers as part or future prophecies, but never referred to specific digits as a code. Most of the information they gained was through whispering words or just feelings vibrations and energies around them.

Did angel numbers invented because of the lottery?

Many people around the world are participating in lottery games and purchasing lots of tickets everyday. Winning the lottery is one of the most desirable dreams of almost any person, because the prizes are usually very substantial. In order to win money you have to have luck and guess the right numbers.

Picking up numbers is done in many ways and methods but we normally tend to look at familiar numbers like birthday dates, zip codes and phone numbers. However when we don’t know what to do in this situation or any other situation, we usually tend to seek guidance from the universe. Angel numbers is a method of paying close attention to numbers we encounter during out daily routine in order to guess them on the lottery ticket.

The assumption is that the angels will send you the right digits and will help you to win. Many people believe in the specific method and hope it will aid to manifest the dream. The more games they play the more they start to believe in the concept of angel numbers.

However these people are missing the basic point because angel numbers works differently. The numbers are just symbols so they are representing events, feelings and specific action taking. They don’t represent merely themselves. For an example if you are getting angel number 57 it doesn’t mean “number57”, it means you should be more creative and find a spiritual road to enlightenment.

So although the lottery had contributed great amount of awareness to angel numbers phenomena, it didn’t originated it just because people want lucky numbers from the universe. In fact it actually has a wrong meaning because the numbers are symbols of something else. Therefore people might get the wrong idea of the concept of angel number.

They usually have good meaning and represent love, growth, wealth peace, protection, friendship and sometimes pregnancy. Still they might be bad warnings and predict sadness, weeping, envy, renegade and battle.

Who invented angel numbers? Conclusion!

Numbers has a huge role in our life and especially in the spiritual world. While trying to answer the question “who invented angel numbers” we went through a long journey, just to find out we can not conclude for sure who was the one to invent angel numbers. So to this point it will remain a mystery.

She was round, heavy, soft, naked, and lay in a single size bed; the glow of the monitor was the only thing that lit the dark room—there were no windows and a single overhead vent circulated fresh air through the little bedroom. The young woman lifted her arms, so they stood out from her shoulders like two sticks directly towards the ceiling vent; she squinched her face as she extended her arms out and a singular loud pop resonated from her left elbow. Though she lingered in bed and yawned and tossed the yellowy sheets around, so they twisted around her legs ropelike, she’d not just awoken; Pixie remained conscious the entire night. Her stringy unwashed hair—shoulder length—clumped around her head in tangles. Pixie reached out for the metallic nightstand and in reaching blindly while she yawned again, her fingers traced the flat surface of the wall. She angled up and the sheets fell from around her bare midsection.
Hairs knottily protested, snagging as the brush passed over her head. Pixie returned to her back with a flop, continued to hold the brush handle in her left fist, stared absently at the ceiling vent; a light breeze passed through the room, a draft created by the vent and the miniscule space at the base of the door on the wall by the foot of the bed. Her eyes traced the outline of the closed door; the whole place was ghostly with only the light of the monitor as it flickered muted cartoons—the screen was mounted to the high corner adjacent the door and its colored lights occasionally illuminated far peripheries of the space.
Poor paper was tacked around open spaces of the walls with poorer imitations of manga stylings. Bulbously oblong-eyed characters stared down at her from all angles. Spaces not filled by those doodles were pictures, paintings, still images of Japanese iconography: bonsai, samurai, Shinto temples, yokai, so on, so on.
Pixie chewed her bottom lip, nibbled the skin she’d torn from there. The monitor’s screen displayed deep, colorful anime.
“Kohai, Noise on,” she said.
The monitor beeped once in response then its small speaker filled the room with jazz-funk-blues.
“Three, two, one,” Pixie whispered in unison with the words which spilled from the speaker.
Being twenty years old, she was limber enough to contort her upper half from the bed, hang from its edge so the edge held at her lower back; she wobbled up and down until she heard a series of cracks resonate. Pixie groaned in satisfaction and returned properly onto the bed.
The monitor, in its low left corner showed: 6:47. Pixie sighed.
As if by sudden possession, she launched from the mattress onto the little space afforded to the open floor and stood there and untangled herself from where the sheets had coiled around her legs. She then squatted by the bed, rear pressed against the nightstand, and withdrew a drawer from under her bed. Stowed there were a series of clothing items and she dressed herself in eccentric blue, flowy pants with an inner cord belt. For her top, she donned a worn and thinly translucent stained white t-shirt. By the door, beneath the monitor on the floor were a pair of slide-on leather shoes and she stepped into them.
Pixie whipped open the door and slammed her cheek to the threshold’s frame to speak to the monitor. “Kohai, off.”
The room went totally dark as she gently shut and locked the door.
She stood in a narrow, white-painted brick hallway with electric sconces lining the walls, each of those urine-yellow lights coated the white walls in their glow; Pixie’s own personal pallor took on the lights’ hue.
With her thumbs hooked onto the pockets of her pants, she moseyed without hurry down the hall towards a zippering staircase; there were floors above and floors below and she took the series leading down until she met the place where there were no more stairs to take.
The lobby of the structure was not so much that, but more of a thoroughfare with an entryway both to the left and the right; green leaves overhung terracotta dirt beds pressed along the walls. Pixie’s feet carried her faster while she angled her right shoulder out.
Natural warmth splintered into the lobby’s scene as she slammed into the rightward exit and began onto the lightly metropolitan street, bricked, worn, crumbling. Wet hot air sent the looser hairs spidering outward from her crown while lorries thrummed by on the parallel roadway; the sidewalk Pixie stomped along carried few other passersby and when she passed a well-postured man going the opposite way on her side of the street, he stopped, twisted, and called after, “Nice wagon.”
There was no response at all from Pixie, not a single eye blink that might have determined whether she heard what he’d said at all. The man let go of a quick, “Pfft,” before pivoting to go in the direction he’d initially set out for.
Tall Tucson congestion was all around her, Valencia Street’s food vendors resurrected for the day and butters or lards struck grill flats or pans and were shortly followed by batters and eggs and pig cuts—chorizo spice filled the air. Aromatics filled the southernmost line of the street where there were long open plots of earth—this was where a series of stalls gathered haphazardly. The box roofs of the stalls stood in the foreground of the entryway signs which directed towards the municipal superstructure. The noise swelled too—there were shouts, homeless dogs that cruised between the ramshackle stalls; a tabby languished in the sun atop a griddle hut and the dogs barked after it and the tabby paid no mind as it stretched its belly out for the sky. Morning commuters, walkers, gathered to their places and stood in queues or sat among the red earth or took to stools if they were offered by the vendors. Those that took food dispersed with haste, checking tablets or watches or they simply glanced at the sky for answers.
Sun shafts played between the heavy morning clouds that passed over, gray and drab, and there were moments of great heat then great relief then mugginess; it signaled likely rain.
At an intersection where old corroded chain-link fencing ran the length of the southern route with signs warning of trespass, she took Plumer Avenue north and kept her eyes averted to the hewn brick ground beneath her feet. Pixie lifted her nose, sniffed, stuffed her fists into her pockets then continued looking at her own moving feet.
Among the rows of crowded apartments which lined either side of Plumer, there were alleyway vendors—brisk rude people which called out to those that passed in hopes of trade; many of the goods offered were needless hand-made ornaments and the like. Strand bead bracelets dangled from fingers in display and were insistently shown off while artisans cried out prices while children’s tops spun in shoebox sized arenas while corn-husk cigarettes were sold by the pack. It was all noise everywhere.
A few vendors yelled after Pixie, but she ignored them and kept going; the salespeople then shifted their attention to whoever their eyes fell on next—someone with a better response. Plumer Avenue was packed tighter as more commuters gathered to the avenues and ran across the center road at seemingly random intervals—those that drove lorries and battery wagons protested those street crossers with wild abandon; the traffic that existed crept through the narrow route. People ran like water around the tall black light box posts or the narrow and government tended mesquite trunks.
It sprinkled rain; Pixie crossed her arms across her chest and continued walking. The rain caused a mild haze across the scene—Pixie scrunched her nose and quickened her pace.
She came to where she intended, and the crowd continued with its rush, but she froze there in front of a grimy windowed storefront—the welded sign overhead read: Odds N’ Ends. Standing beside the storefront’s door was a towering fellow. The pink and dew-eyed man danced and smiled and there was no music; his shoeless calloused heels ground and twisted into the bricks like he intended to create depressions in the ground there. Rainwater beaded and was cradled in his mess of hair. He offered a flash of jazz hands then continued his twisty groove. Though the man hushed words to himself, they were swallowed by the ruckus of the commuters around him.
Pixie pressed into the door, caught the man’s eyes, and he grinned broader, Hello! he called.
She responded with an apologetic nod and stretched a flat smile without teeth.
Standing on the interior mat, the door slammed behind her, and she traced the large, high-ceiling interior.
To the right, towering shelves of outdated preserves and books and smokes and incenses and dead crystals created thin pathways; to the left was a counter, a register, and an old, wrinkled woman with a fat gray bun coiled atop her head—she kept a thin yarn shawl over her shoulders. The old woman sat in a high-backed stool behind the register, examined a hardback paper book splayed adjacent the register; she traced her fingers along the sentences while she whispered to herself. Upon finally noticing Pixie standing by the door, the woman came hurriedly from around the backside of the counter, arms up in a fury, “You’re late, Joan,” said the old woman; her eyes darted to the analog dial which hung by the storefront, “Not by much, but still.” Standing alongside one another, the old woman seemed rather short. “You’re soaked—look at you, dripping all over the floor.”
Pixie nodded but refrained from looking the woman in the eye.
“Oh,” the old woman flapped her flattened hand across her own face while coughing, “When did you last wash?” She grabbed onto Pixie’s shoulders, angled the younger woman back so that she could stare into her face. “Look at your eyes—you haven’t been sleeping at all, Joan. What will we do with you? What am I going to do with you?” Then the old woman froze. “Pixie,” she nodded, clawed a single index finger, and tapped the crooked appendage to her temple, “I forget.”
“It’s alright,” whispered Pixie.
The old woman’s nature softened for a moment, her shoulders slanted away from her throat, and she shuffled to return to her post behind the counter. “Anyway, the deliveryman from the res came by and dropped off that shipment, just like I told you he would. They’re in the back. Could you bring them out and help me put them up? I tried a few of them, but the boxes are quite heavy, and it’s worn my back out already.” The old woman offered a meager grin, exposing her missing front teeth. She turned her attention to the book on the counter, lifted it up so it was more like a miniscule cubicle screen—the title read: Your Psychic Powers and How to Develop Them.
Pixie set to the task; the stockroom was overflowing even more so with trinkets—a barrel of mannequin arms overhung from a shelf by the ceiling, covered in dust—dull hanging solitary light bulbs dotted the stockroom’s ceiling and kept the place dark and moldy, save those spotlights. The fresh boxes sat along the rear of the building, where little light was. Twelve in total, the boxes sat and said nothing, and Pixie said nothing to the boxes. The woman took a pocketknife to the metal stitches which kept them closed. Though the proprietor of Odds N’ Ends said she’d tried her hand at the boxes already, there was no sign of her interference.
The first box contained dead multi-colored hair and the stuff stood plumelike from the mouth of the container; Pixie gave it a shake and watched the strands shift around. This unsettled but was not entirely unpleasant; the unpleasantness followed when she grabbed a fistful of hair only to realize she’d brought up a series of dried scalps which clicked together—hard leather on hard leather. Pixie gagged, dropped the scalps where they’d come from, shook her hands wildly, then placed that box to the ground and shifted it away with her foot.
The next contained a full layer of straw and she hesitantly brushed her hand across the top to uncover glass jars—dark browned liquids. Falsely claimed tinctures.
Curiously, she tilted her head at the next box, it was of a different color and shape than the rest. Green and Rectangular. And further aged too. Pixie sucked in a gulp of air, picked at the stitching of the box with her knife then peered inside. Like the previous box, it was full of straw and with more confidence, she pawed it away. She stumbled backwards from the box, hissing, and brought her finger up to her face. A thin trail of blood trickled by the index fingernail of her right hand; she jammed the finger in her mouth and moved to the box again. Carefully, she removed the object by one end. In the dim light, she held a long-handled, well curved tachi sword; the shine of the blade remained pristine. It was ancient and deceiving.
“Oh,” said Pixie around the index finger in her mouth, “It’s a katana.”
She moved underneath one of the spotlights of the stockroom, held it vertically over herself in the glare, traced her eyes along the beautifully corded black handle. As she twisted the blade in the air, it caught the light and she seemed stricken dumb. She withdrew her finger from her mouth, held the thing out in front of her chest with both hands, put her eyes along the water-wave edge. Her tongue tip squeezed from the corner of her mouth while she was frozen with the sword.
In a dash, she held the thing casually and returned to the box. She rummaged within and came up with the scabbard. The weapon easily clicked safely inside. “Pretty cool,” she said.
The other boxes held nothing quite so inspiring as a sword nor anything as morbid as dead scalps. There were decapitated shaved baby-doll heads lining the interior slots of plastic egg cartons, and more fake tonics, and tarot cards, and cigarettes, and a few unmarked media cartridges—both assortments of videos and music were represented in their designs. Pixie spent no time whatsoever ogling any of the other objects; her attention remained with the sword which she kept in her hand as she sallied through the boxes. Between opening every new box, she took a long break to unsheathe the sword and play-fight the air without poise—even so the tachi was alive spoke windily.
“Quit lollygagging,” said the old woman; she stood in the doorway to the stockroom, shook her head, “Is this what you’ve been doing all morning? How are we supposed to get the new merchandise on the shelves—including that sword—if you won’t stop playing around?”
Pixie’s voice cracked, “How much is it?”
The old woman balked, “The sword?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s a display piece. We put it in the window to draw in potential customers, of course. It’s too expensive to keep them in stock. I don’t even know where a person could find a continuous stock of them, but if we can put it in the window, perhaps clientele will come in, ask about it, then shop a bit—it’s not something you can sell; it’s an investment.” The old woman, slow as she was, steadied across the stockroom and met Pixie there by the boxes, placed her hand on the open containers, briefly glanced into the nearest one, and smiled. “It’d take you a lifetime to pay back if you wanted a sword like that anyway. Now,” The old woman placed a hand on Pixie’s shoulder, “Put it away. There’s a strange man outside and I need your help shooing him away. He’s likely scared away potential customers already.”
The two of them, tachi returned to its place, went to the front of the store; it was ghostly quiet save their footfalls—the customers that did stop into the store hardly ever stopped in more than the once; it was a place of oddities, strangeness, novelty. The things they sold most of were the packaged cigarettes from the res. No one cared enough for magic or fortune telling. Still, the old woman carried on, like she did often, about the principals for running a business. Pixie carried no principals—none could be found—so the young woman nodded along with anything the old woman said while staring off.
On the approach to the storefront, the man from before could be seen and his dance had not slowed—if anything his movements had only become further enamored with dance. His elbows swung wildly, he spun like a ballerina, he kicked his feet against the brick sideway and did not flinch at the pain of it.
“There he is,” said the old woman, “He’s acting crazy as hell. Look at him go.” He went. “If I wasn’t certain he was as crazy as a deck with five suits, I’d ask if he wanted to bark for me—you know, draw in a crowd.” She shook her head. “Don’t know why people like him can’t just go to the airport. There are handouts there. Anyway, I need to get back to it myself. As do you,” she directed this at Pixie; although Pixie towered over the woman in terms of physicality, the older woman rose on her tiptoes, pinched the younger woman’s soft bicep hard, whispered, “Get that bastard off my stoop, understand?”
Again, the old woman’s face softened, and she left Pixie standing there on the front door’s interior mat. The crone returned to her place behind the counter, nestled onto the stool like a bird finding comfort, then craned her neck far down so her nose nearly touched the book page; her eyes followed her finger across the lines.
Pixie’s chest swelled and then went small as the sigh escaped her; her shoulders hung in front of her, and she briskly pushed outside.
The rain had gone, but the smell remained; across the street, where the morning’s foot congestion decreased, a series of blue-coated builders could be spied hoisting materials—metal framing and brick—via scaffolding with a series of pulleys. For a moment, Pixie stared across the street and watched the men work and shout at one another; a lorry passed by, broke her eyeline and she was suddenly confronted by the dancing man who pivoted several times in a semicircle around where she stood. Far, far off, birds called. Fuel fog stunk the air.
Move, said the dancing man. Initially it seemed a rude command, but upon catching his rain-wetted face, it was obvious that his will was not one of malice, but of love and peace and cosmic splendor. It does not matter how you move, but you must move! It was an offer. Not a command. Or so it seemed.
The man rolled his neck and flicked his head around and the jewels which beaded there glowed around him for a blink as they were cast off.
You’ve been sent to send me away, yeah? asked the man.
“That’s right,” said Pixie.
But it’s not because you wish it?
“I couldn’t care if you stood out here all day.” Pixie bit her lip, chewed enough that a trickle of blood touched her tongue; her eyes swept across the street again and focused on the builders. “The fewer customers we have, the less I need to speak.”
The man froze in his dance then suddenly his stature slumped. He nodded. I’ll go. As you must. You must too, yeah?
“Go? Go where?”
You know.
She did.
The man left and Pixie remained on the street by herself; the rabble which passed her by were few and she stared at her own two feet, at the space between them, at the cracks, and she sighed. She jerked her head back, saw the sky was still deep ocean blue—more rain but nothing so sinister as a storm.
“Go?” she asked the sky.
She reentered the store.
After stocking the newest shipment, the rest of the day was as mundane as the others which Pixie spent within Odds N’ Ends; few patrons stopped in—mostly to ogle—it was a place of spectacle more than a place of business. Whenever folks came, the old woman would call for Pixie without looking up from her book; normally the younger woman dusted or rearranged the things on the shelves as the old woman liked them and was often away from the counter. Pixie tried to answer questions about the shaved doll heads, the crystals arranged upon velvet mats, the tinctures, the stuffed bear head high on the wall. After some terrible conversation, they went to the counter and bought cigarettes or nothing at all and the old woman would complain at Pixie about her poor salesmanship after the patrons were gone.
The tachi was put there on a broad table, directly in front of the storefront window and Pixie froze often in her work, longingly examined the thing from afar, and snapped from her maladaptation; frequently she chastised herself in barely audible mutters. The old woman had Pixie scrub the pane of the window in front of where the sword sat, and the young woman traced her hand across the handle and delicately thumbed the length of the plain scabbard.
It was a job; this was a thing which people did so they may go on living. Come the middle of the shift—Pixie yawned, it was not due to overexertion, it was more due to her poor sleeping habits. This day was no different in this regard.
“I wish you’d keep it to yourself,” the old woman said, and then she cupped a hand over her own mouth and her eyes went teary, “God, now look at me and see what you’ve done!” The old woman shook the tiredness away. “Bah! There’s still some daylight left!”
“We haven’t had anyone in for the past hour,” said Pixie, staring up at the analog dial on the wall.
The old woman’s scowl was fierce. “Mhm, I’m sure you’re waiting for the death call.” She too looked at the clock on the wall and sighed loudly. “Alright. Pack it up! Better the death call of the store than my own.” She fanned her face with a flat palm and yawned again.
Pixie left the place; the old woman locked the storefront from within. It began to rain again; it seemed the weather understood it was quitting time.
The young woman cupped her elbows and walked home in the rain. Other commuters passed with umbrellas and others, like Pixie, ran through the puddles gathered on the ground. Rain was infrequent but this was not so in the summer and Pixie never protested it. It cooled the ground, thickened the air, and darkened the sky. A car passed on the street, but it was mostly lorries or battery wagons. Personal vehicles were as rare as the rain and Pixie watched after the car; it was a short, rounded thing—its metal cosmetics were warped, and it couldn’t have carried more than two people within.
No vendors were there on the way, no men to call after her—no other people either. The sky grew darker yet and though it was still relatively early, it seemed to grow as black as nighttime without stars.
Pixie’s apartment was there, dark, solitary, same. She shut her door, locked it with her inside, undressed completely and dropped her clothes to the little floor there was and huffed as she planked across the mattress; the bedframe protested. “It smells bad in here,” she spoke into the pillow. The words were nothing. In the blackness of the room, she was nothing. It was a void, a capsule, a tomb. She was still wet and smelled like a dog.
The monitor in the corner came alive at her salutation and she snored sporadically in the electric glow of the screen.
Upon waking in the black hours of the morning, Pixie rubbed her eyes, cupped her forearms to her stomach; her midsection growled, and she tentatively reached to the bedside table and removed a bag of dried cactus pears. She nibbled at the end of one and in arching was cut blue and archaically shaped in the stilled light of the monitor’s idle screen. Pixie popped the entire rest of the cactus pear into her mouth, chewed noisily and vaguely stared into the empty corner of the room beneath the monitor.
After silent deliberation, Pixie crept through the night clothed in dark layers and went the back way through Odds N’ Ends. She absconded with the tachi, taking only a moment with the sword by the white windowlight where she carefully examined the thing again. The young woman was beguiled and went from the place the same way she came.
The brick streets resounded with her footfalls as her excited gait carried her home.
She packed light, slung the sword to her hip with a cloth braid—once it was there in its place, she used the thumb of her left hand to nudge the meager guard, so the blade came free from its sheath before she casually clicked it back to where it went. Pixie chuckled, shook with a frightening spasm dance then froze before patting the tachi lightly.

***

Two men stood along a shallow desert ridge; each of them was Apache descended.
Peridot Mesa was covered in poppies, curled horrendous things; once they’d been as precious as the peridot gems themselves, but as the two men stood there, overlooking the ridge, the poppies were browned, sickly, and as twisted as hog phalluses. Among the dying field were chicory and dead fallen-over cacti. The super blossoms were long over and had been for generations.
One man spat in the dirt, tilted his straw hat across his eyes to avert the heavy setting sun; he hoisted his jeans, asked, “You sure?”
The other man, older, lightly bearded, nodded and kept his own head covered with a yellow bucket hat and cradled his bolt-action rifle with the comfortability of an ex-soldier. “Yeah, c’mon Tweep.” He staggered over the edge of the ridge and slid across the dry earth while tilting backwards so his boots went like skis. With some assistance from his partner, he was able to reach flat ground without going over and the two men searched the ground while they continued walking. “Need to find her fast.”
Tweep, the younger man, spat again.
“Nasty habit.”
“Leave it, Taz.”
Taz shrugged and absently tugged on the string which looped the bucket hat loosely around his collar.
“How long?” asked Tweep.
“Serena said she blew through town only three days ago. Said she was coming this way.”
“She came looking for Chupacabra demons?”
“Huh?” asked Taz.
“That’s what that silly girl came out here for, yeah?”
“I guess. Let’s find her before dark, alright?”
“Sure,” said Tweep, “I just don’t know why she’d go looking for them.”
“Who knows? I don’t care enough to know. Not really.” The older man shook his head. “City people come out here, poke the wildlife—they make jokes about the mystics. I know you’ve seen it. Serena said the girl had the doe-eyed look of someone fresh out of Pheonix maybe. Who knows what she’s come here for?” There was a pause and only their footfalls sounded across the loose dry soil. “Dammit!” said the older man, “You’ve got me rambling. Let’s find the body already. Preferably before it gets much darker.”
“You think she’s dead then?”
Taz grimaced and then he spat. “What do you think?”
“I don’t know, sir, why don’t you tell me what to think? I’m starting to think you only dragged me out here to help you carry anything you find valuable.”
Taz shook his head, shrugged. “Smart mouth.” They continued across the mesa, kicking poppies, shifting earth that hadn’t been touched by humans since the first deluge; it wouldn’t be touched by humans for another thousand after the second deluge—that was some time away yet.
“I see her.” Tweep rushed ahead.
Among a rockier set of alcoves, a white, stained blouse hung on a tumbleweed caught among groupings of stones.
“It’s her shirt,” said Tweep, going swiftly ahead.
The younger man leapt atop the stones and looked down a circular nest where the dirt was dug craterlike; destroyed tumbleweeds and splintered bone-corpses littered the nest.
Taz caught his comrade, readied the rifle at the nest.
Strewn across the ground were no less than three full grown Chupacabras, slain; one lay unmoving and decapitated while another’s intestines steamed in the heat. The third clung to life and kicked its rear legs helplessly. Pixie stood among the gore, shirtless; the tachi gleamed in her glowing fists.
“Holy shit!” said Taz; he lowered the rifle and followed Tweep into the nest. The two men kicked the rubbish from their way and approached the young woman with timidness. “You alright?”
Pixie ran the flat of the blade across her pantleg to remove the sparkling blood, inspected the thing and wiped it again before returning the sword to where it went. Leaking bite wounds covered the length of her forearms, and her eyes went far and tired.
Tweep watched the woman, chewed his lip. “You’re possessed! You can’t just kill them like that! Nobody could kill Chupacabra so easily. With your hands?” He tipped his straw hat back, so it fell to his shoulders and hung by the string on his throat.
Pixie shook her head. “It wasn’t with my hands.”
The woman wavered past the men, climbed the short perch where her blouse had gone; she held the shirt to the sky—the material floated out from her fingers as torn rags. She let go of the blouse and it carried on the wind.
Taz approached the only Chupacabra of the nest that remained alive. The creature groaned; the wound which immobilized it had partially severed its spine and the creature’s movements may have been from expelled death energy rather than any conscious effort—the upturned eye of it while it lay on its side seemed to show fear. Its body was mangy, and just as well as naked dark skin shone, so too did fur grow long and sporadic across its torso; short whiskers jutted out from its snout. Chitin shining scales covered the creature’s rear haunches while its tail remained rat naked. Taz shot the thing in the head, and it stopped moving.
The woman fell onto the rocks where the men had come over the den. She sat and examined the wounds on her arms then she turned her attention to the men which had gathered by her. “Do either of you have a spare shirt?”
Archive

Consider the subtleness of the sea; how its most dreaded creatures glide under water, unapparent for the most part, and treacherously hidden beneath the loveliest tints of azure.

𓇼 ⋆.˚ BASIC INFORMATION. ˚⋆. 𓇼

• full name: Phoebe Michelle Garrett
• also known as: Phoebe, Phoebs
• hometown: Tampa, Florida
• birthday: April 27, 2026
• age: thirteen years old
• gender identity: cis female (she/her)
• demigod & non-demigod related conundrums: adhd, dyslexia, animal allergy (cat dander)

﹏﹏𓊝﹏﹏﹏﹏𓊝﹏﹏﹏﹏𓊝﹏﹏
𓇼 ⋆.˚APPEARANCE. ˚⋆. 𓇼
physical appearance.

• Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.

clothing.

• Lorem dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.

𓇼 ⋆.˚CONNECTIONS. ˚⋆. 𓇼

name	relationship	details
Joshua Garrett	mortal father	Affectionately described as a “stick in the mud” by his sister, Joshua is a caring and well-meaning dad to Phoebe, if not a little misguided. His work as a paramedic often leaves him out and about on an erratic schedule which complicates the whole parenting thing he’s trying to work on.
Triton	divine parent	Who? Lorem dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.
Valerie Garrett	aunt	Also known as Auntie V, Valerie is Joshua’s younger sister and Phoebe’s favorite aunt—because she’s the only aunt. Valerie is a lot more lax with Phoebe and is more likely to rope her niece into all kinds of mischief. While Joshua might not always agree with Val’s penchant for antics, he’s grateful that Phoebe has someone she can have fun with in the family.
Arlene Garrett	grandmother	Phoebe’s de-facto mother figure. Crabby and shrew as most old ladies get, Arlene does have an immense soft spot for her (only) granddaughter. Though there are times that Phoebe gets the good ol’ Grandma Lecture™️, Arlene has been there for her in ways that her father couldn’t. She currently lives with Valerie just a half hour away from Joshua and Phoebe's home.
Bonnie	pet	A ranchu goldfish Phoebe acquired at last year’s Florida State Fair, Bonnie is the closest thing she has to a best friend. Phoebe doesn’t really understand how she suddenly started hearing her pet fish talk in her head, but she’s grateful to have Bonnie along for the ride now that she's at camp.

𓇼 ⋆.˚POWERS. ˚⋆. 𓇼

ability	type	description
Sea-Life Communication	domain	The ability to communicate with and understand sea creatures and other forms of marine life.
Aquatic Buff	domain	A trait where one displays better power, strength, stamina, and other qualities underwater or when wet. they are also able to fight unhindered (AOE ranges are doubled but they are not more intense; cooldowns are 1.25x or 25% faster. buff powers do not stack, and travel powers are not affected.)
Water Manipulation	domain	The ability to control water.
Sea Storm Nullification	minor	The ability to clear sea storms produced by other half-bloods. natural sea storms can only be weakened.
Sea Life Affinity	minor	A trait where sea creatures are naturally friendly.
Fear Inducement	minor	The ability to induce feelings of fear in others using the sound of a conch shell.
Aquatic Form	major	The ability to alter one’s physiology such that they are adapted to aquatic life, such as gills and webbed feet.

Consider also the devilish brilliance and beauty of many of its most remorseless tribes, as the dainty embellished shape of many species of sharks.

𓇼 ⋆.˚PERSONALITY. ˚⋆. 𓇼
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.
﹏﹏﹏𓊝﹏﹏﹏𓊝﹏﹏﹏𓊝﹏﹏﹏𓊝﹏﹏﹏𓊝﹏﹏﹏𓊝﹏﹏﹏
𓇼 ⋆.˚HOBBIES, HABITS, LIKES & DISLIKES. ˚⋆. 𓇼
hobbies.

• bracelet-making: Phoebe picked this up from fellow teammates in their school’s water polo club. she likes using thread and embroidery floss for her own bracelet, but she doesn’t mind making them out of beads too. she also has quite the collection of friendship bracelets from her friends!
• jigsaw puzzles: a hobby that Phoebe came to enjoy thanks to her grandma. every time she drops by her house for a visit, Arlene always has a new 500-piece jigsaw puzzle ready for them to finish. each one they’ve completed is framed on a wall in the living room.
• water polo: not so much of a hobby and moreso of a liability that she was kinda forced to join by her dad. Joshua thought that Phoebe would make more friends her age if she joined an extracurricular, so he encouraged her daughter to try out for sports.

habits.

• nail-picking:
• appetite:

likes & dislikes

• likes: Lilo & Stitch, Ponyo, betta fish
• dislikes: clowns, heights, Shrek

Consider, once more, the universal cannibalism of the sea; all whose creatures prey upon each other, carrying on eternal war since the world began.
— Herman Melville

𓇼 ⋆.˚THEN & NOW. ˚⋆. 𓇼
then.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.
﹏𓊝﹏
now.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.

Not to be mushy on main but I love my friends so yes I will. I've been in many, many fandoms over the past 10 years, I've been casually invested and deeply invested, I've done fanart, fanfiction, cosplay, gifs, meta, etc etc and I've had some good and some bad experiences but nothing compares to the current fandom I'm in and the little community I've found for myself. My current fandom is my personal size preference in which it used to be really popular but it's well past it's peak, so even though there are a fair few people who are still here, a lot of the toxic fans from the 2014 era have moved on to other things.
It's an anime I watched when I was like 11 or 12 and two years ago I found out my local library has the entire manga collection (which was also the only manga they had the full collection of so I think it might be fate), so I reread it and got sucked back in and now I've written nearly 100 fics and 300k words for it! I made a blog and a discord server and I've made this incredible community of some really great people who are all so kind and talented. Next week will be one year since I first made the server and we have over 100 people in it and we're all gearing up for the ship week next month which I put together with the most incredible group of people! So many awesome fics and art have come out of that server and so many great friendships have been formed and it just makes my heart so full.
My irl best friend who isn't really a fandom person joined the server even though she doesn't care about the anime or the ship the server is for but she's become one of the most active people in the server. She's done some fan art of the characters that people are obsessed with to the point where we all frequently show it to new people and talk about it all the time months later. She's made a lot of friends based on common interests they have outside of the fandom (music, academia, etc.). One person we both got really close with came to visit me from the US (we live in New Zealand) and we surprised her by just having her show up to lunch with us and I am never ever going to top that prank again in my life.
That friend stayed with me for three weeks and we just hung out, wrote fanfiction, baked, watched survivor, got my ears pierced. She came to a concert with me for a musician she had never heard of and helped me get to barrier and recorded a video for me when he performed my favourite song so that I could just enjoy it in the moment. I ended up writing a fic for our ship based on that exact song because of it. Last month she and another member of the server sent me and my friend flowers for our uni graduation! We also always joke that she's collecting people in the server like pokemon because she's met 4 of us from the server, two of us from NZ, one in Scotland, and another who lives in her city, and she has plans to meet another 3 more across the US later this year.
So much creativity has come out of that server, there's always people writing or making art based on the things that people say in the server. Many a times I have woken up to find a bunch of new art based on things that people bring up in the server. This year for my birthday I got 3 fics gifted to me on ao3 and 6 pieces of art based on one of my fics, and two of my friends have a fic and art piece that they're still working on even though my birthday was two months ago but just the thought that they would do something for me is more than enough. One of the birthday gifts is from a friend who is in the fandom but doesn't particularly care about the ship and had a general dislike towards the fans of it (which is fair, they had a really bad reputation back in the day of being hateful and generally annoying) but joined my server just to hang out, and he wrote me a gift fic for that ship for my birthday and it was really meaningful to me that he would do that. I have two other ao3 gifts that are based on things I said in the server and one of them we built into a whole AU that she wrote 3 fics for and I did a oneshot for. There's a duo in the server who are always going back and forth about AU's or story ideas and they really go crazy with it. It's not stuff that I'm personally into and they're a little obscure so not many people contribute but those two are really passionate about it and can talk about it for hours and it makes me happy that they have a space where they can find people who have the same niche interests as them.
They're all so supportive of me and the fandom stuff I do which is why I managed to write so much fic in the past two years. I managed to win nanowrimo last year because everyone was so encouraging and supportive. It's been my dream to write a multichap and it's way harder than I thought it would be because I write oneshots exclusively but everyone has been so incredible and encouraging me by telling me how excited they are to read it. I mentioned I wanted to commission a piece of art from the fic once it was one and one of the lovely artists jumped at the chance and I am really excited for it!
I got all mushy about this today because one of my close friends I made from the server is a big swiftie and she's not going to the eras tour because she's a broke uni student so I wanted to surprise her by making and send her a bunch of bracelets based on some of her favourite songs so I asked her to make me a playlist of her favourite taylor swift songs under the guise of me wanting to listen to her music, having no intention of listening to it, but she put so much love into it and categorised all of them and made a whole listening order with transition songs and everything so of course I listened to the whole three hours of it. She put on a song that she had written a fic based on and I had read before we became friends and I deadass just started crying in the car. It just made me so happy that I have friends who would go to lengths like this for me. I have had a lot of bad fandom experiences before and most of my fandom friendships have been temporary or otherwise ended really poorly. I remember always feeling alienated in some fandom spaces--there were definitely spaces in this particular fandom that I didn't feel welcome so I decided to make my own and I'm really happy I did.
It hasn't been perfect, I have had a couple bad eggs in the server. I had to ban someone last year for pretty frequently breaking the rules and they went around telling anyone who would listen what a shitty person I was, how terrible my blogs and server and events and fics were, and generally being very high school about it. It really did suck and in the moment it felt really terrible but I realise now that it didn't really have anything to do with me and they just needed someone to be angry at for reasons that didn't have anything to do with fandom stuff. Even after that and a handful of other kind of shitty things happening to me, it's always been overshadowed by how great my friends and community are.
So yeah, I just wanted to have someone to tell all of this to. I love my friends and I hope one day you all find a fandom space as great as I did and have as much fun as I am having.

DAY: June 3 2024
6-3-2024

AIRPLANE NOISE EXPOSURE MAY INCREASE RISK OF CHRONIC DISEASE

Locations of 90 study airports in the United States symbolized by quartiles of participants pooled from the Nurses’ Health Study (NHS) and NHSII living around each airport. Increasing point sizes are proportional to the increasing quartiles of study participants from the pooled sample of NHS and NHSII living within 22.2 miles (35.7 km) of each study airport at baseline. States are outlined and colors indicate each of four U.S. Census regions. The 100th meridian west of the Prime Meridian denotes the boundary between arid and humid areas.
6-3-2024

NEW MACHINE LEARNING METHOD CAN BETTER PREDICT SPINE SURGERY OUTCOMES

Researchers who had been using Fitbit data to help predict surgical outcomes have a new method to more accurately gauge how patients may recover from spine surgery. Using machine learning techniques developed at the AI for Health Institute at Washington University in St. Louis, Chenyang Lu, the Fullgraf Professor in the university’s McKelvey School of Engineering, collaborated with Jacob Greenberg, MD, assistant professor of neurosurgery at the School of Medicine, to develop a way to predict recovery more accurately from lumbar spine surgery. The results published in the journal Proceedings
6-3-2024

PEDIATRICIAN SUGGESTS FIVE QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE A PLAYDATE

Playdates are a fun way for children to develop friendships and learn important social skills. Visiting another family’s home will also expose your child to a new environment. Before the playdate, it’s a good idea to talk with the other parent about household habits, rules and expectations. It’s also a great opportunity to share any important details about your child? like a food allergy, pet allergy or other health issues. Here are a few important questions to ask: 1. Who will be watching the children? Will a parent be home,
6-3-2024

UNDERSTANDING HOW THE BRAIN CONTROLS SOCIAL GAZE

For animals such as primates, the act of gazing plays a key role in social interaction, used to both send and gather information. In a new study, Yale scientists uncover two brain regions that contribute to this type of social attention. The findings yield important insight into how this dynamic behavior arises and might be used to boost social behavior in disorders like autism in which engaging in social attention can be challenging, researchers say. The findings were published May 31 in the journal Neuron.
6-3-2024

WHY YOU MAY NOT BE GETTING THE BENEFITS YOU EXPECTED FROM MINDFULNESS

You’ve probably seen the word mindfulness everywhere these days, from the news, to magazines, to social media. Mindfulness is sometimes packaged as a mental health cure-all, and studies do suggest that mindfulness-based therapies support mental health. Your friends or family may even have told you that mindfulness has changed their lives. But if you have tried mindfulness and feel like it isn’t working for you, our developmental psychology research might explain why. In our recent study, we have found that being highly mindful may not be beneficial for all. Instead,
6-3-2024

MOST SLEEP TIPS SHARED ON TIKTOK ARE SUPPORTED BY SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE

A new study found that most sleep tips shared on TikTok are supported by empirical evidence. The research findings show that of 35 unique sleep tips shared in popular videos, there was empirical support for 29. Only six sleep tips were unsupported by scientific evidence. “These results suggest that the sleep research and sleep medicine communities have done a good job of promoting appropriate tips for sleep hygiene,” said lead
6-3-2024

DOES SLEEP CLEAR MORE TOXINS FROM THE BRAIN THAN WHEN WE’RE AWAKE? LATEST RESEARCH CASTS DOUBT ON THEORY

There’s no doubt sleep is good for the brain. It allows different parts to regenerate and helps memories stabilize. When we don’t get enough sleep, this can increase stress levels and exacerbate mental health issues. Evidence also supports the notion that the brain gets rid of more toxic waste when we’re asleep than when we’re awake. This process is believed to be crucial in getting rid of potentially harmful things such as amyloid, a protein whose build-up in the brain is linked to Alzheimer’s disease. However, a recent study in
6-3-2024

‘PLACEBO’ OR ‘SHAM’ SURGERY IS NOT A CRUEL TRICK—IT CAN BE VERY EFFECTIVE

Ten years ago, a scan showed that I had torn the meniscus in my knee. The pain was bad and I was limping a lot of the time. My doctor recommended arthroscopic knee surgery to fix it. Being scared of scalpels, I asked whether there were other options. He said I could try physiotherapy, but that it was unlikely to work. I tried the physio and did the recommended exercises diligently, and my knee pain and function returned to almost normal. I even ran my first (and only) marathon a
6-3-2024

WHY, FOR SOME, PSYCHOTHERAPY MIGHT BE A BETTER TREATMENT FOR DEPRESSION THAN DRUGS

During a psychotherapy session, one of my patients reported to me that the antidepressants he’d been prescribed by his GP had “killed his desire.” He felt “dead inside,” he told me. Unfortunately, this wasn’t an isolated case. I’ve heard similar descriptions of the effects of antidepressants from many patients. Many say they feel like “zombies.” However, some patients report that these drugs are helpful—even essential—in the management of their mental health. Antidepressants, known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), and popular anti-anxiety medication benzodiazepines can offer
6-3-2024

INTOXICATION WITHOUT ALCOHOL: AUTO-BREWERY SYNDROME

How can someone have alcohol intoxication without consuming alcohol? Auto-brewery syndrome, a rare condition in which gut fungi create alcohol through fermentation, is described in a case study in the Canadian Medical Association Journal. “Auto-brewery syndrome carries substantial social, legal, and medical consequences for patients and their loved ones,” writes Dr. Rahel Zewude, University of Toronto, with co-authors. “Our patient had several [emergency department] visits, was assessed by internists and psychiatrists, and was certified under the Mental Health Act before receiving a diagnosis of auto-brewery syndrome, reinforcing how awareness of
6-3-2024

WHAT ARE MINDFULNESS POTENTIAL HEALTH BENEFITS?

Can mindfulness meditation be good medicine for both mental and physical ills? Yes, says one expert who explains the practice and what conditions it might help. A particular form of mindfulness that focuses on pleasure has been shown to work as well as a starting dose of a narcotic for pain and better than traditional psychotherapy for substance abuse, said Eric Garland, director of the University of Utah’s Center on Mindfulness and Integrative Health Intervention Development. But the meditation style may work for more than just chronic pain and addiction.
6-3-2024

CRACKING THE AGING CODE: INSIGHTS INTO LIPID CHANGES

Researchers at the RIKEN Center for Integrative Medical Sciences (IMS) have discovered numerous age-related changes in the lipid metabolism of mice, across both organs and sexes. Among these changes was the selective accumulation, throughout the body, of certain lipids produced by gut bacteria as the mice aged. They also discovered a sex difference in the kidneys and a gene responsible for it. Published in Nature Aging, this study could lead to better understanding of
6-3-2024

THE FDA WILL SOON WEIGH IN PSYCHOACTIVE DRUGS

Lori Tipton is among the growing number of people who say that MDMA, also known as ecstasy, saved their lives. Raised in New Orleans by a mother with untreated bipolar disorder who later killed herself and two others, Tipton said she endured layers of trauma that eventually forced her to seek treatment for crippling anxiety and hypervigilance. For 10 years nothing helped, and she began to wonder if she was “unfixable.” Then she answered an ad for a clinical trial for MDMA-assisted therapy to treat post-traumatic stress disorder. Tipton said
6-3-2024

ZYN IS FOLLOWING BIG TOBACCO’S PLAYBOOK FOR TEENS

Zyn’s synthetic nicotine offers the kick of a cigarette or dip without the cancer-causing smoke and chemicals of tobacco, packaged in a pouch that can be discreetly tucked into the upper lip. But that doesn’t mean they’re risk-free. Very little is known about how nicotine pouches could affect health or addiction trends in the U.S. Moreover, tobacco companies are selling the products in dosages and flavors that seem very clearly designed to appeal to younger users, even though buyers are supposed to be at least 21. Even without a ton
6-3-2024

EARLY MENOPAUSE LINKED TO GREATER RISK FOR BREAST, AND POSSIBLY OVARIAN CANCER

Some women who experience menopause early—before age 40—have an increased risk of developing breast and ovarian cancer, according to research being presented at ENDO 2024, the Endocrine Society’s annual meeting in Boston, Mass. “There is also higher risk of breast, prostate and colon cancer in relatives of these women,” said Corrine Welt, M.D., chief of the Division of Endocrinology, Metabolism and Diabetes at the University of Utah Health in Salt Lake City, Utah. Welt and colleagues began the study with the hypothesis that some women with primary ovarian insufficiency and
6-3-2024

BE READY FOR STORM SEASON

by Tia R. Ford, Mayo Clinic News Network Each hurricane season, it is critical to take proactive steps to protect yourself, your family and your property. Hurricanes and other severe storm events can be devastating, but with proper preparation, you can minimize risks and stay safe. This year, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration National Weather Service forecasters predict an 85% chance for above-normal hurricane activity in the Atlantic throughout the season beginning June 1 and ending Nov. 30. Taking time to prepare in advance of severe weather can help
6-3-2024

TYPE OF WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY WOMEN UNDERGO BEFORE PREGNANCY MAY INFLUENCE CHILDREN’S WEIGHT GAIN

The type of weight loss surgery women undergo before becoming pregnant may affect how much weight their children gain in the first three years of life, suggests a study presented at ENDO 2024, the Endocrine Society’s annual meeting in Boston, Mass. Researchers found children born to women who underwent the bariatric procedure known as sleeve gastrectomy before they became pregnant gain more weight per month on average in the first three years of life compared with children born to women who had the less common Roux-en-Y gastric bypass weight loss
6-3-2024

WHAT IS BLADED BEEF? MECHANICALLY TENDERIZED STEAKS SHOULDN’T BE EATEN RARE, FOOD POLICY EXPERT EXPLAINS

For many steak lovers, nothing says summer like a tender slice of beef seared to a dark gloss on the outside while remaining juicy red on the inside. But when it comes to steaks and roasts labeled “blade tenderized” or “mechanically tenderized,” rare is not the best option, says Northeastern food policy expert Darin Detwiler. People who consume mechanically tenderized steaks rare are more susceptible to developing food-borne illness from E. coli or salmonella contamination, he says. Consumers can’t tell by looking at beef products whether they are blade or
6-3-2024

STUDY FINDS TIMING OF BRAIN WAVES SHAPES THE WORDS WE HEAR

The timing of our brain waves shapes how we perceive our environment. We are more likely to perceive events when their timing coincides with the timing of relevant brain waves. Lead scientist Sanne ten Oever and her co-authors set out to determine whether neural timing also shapes speech perception. Is the probability of speech sounds or words encoded in our brain waves and is this information used to recognize words? The team first created
6-3-2024

BENEFITS OF AN ACTIVE WORKSTATION

For the millions of people who sit at a desk for long hours at a time, day after day, you may want to stand up for this. Mayo Clinic research shows that using an active workstation can help you move more and think better at work — without affecting your job. Sitting too much at work or home can increase your risk of certain diseases, says Dr. Francisco Lopez-Jimenez, a Mayo Clinic cardiologist and senior author of a study on the topic. “Sitting for eight hours or more a day
6-3-2024

NICOTINE MARKETING STILL TARGETS ADOLESCENTS JUST AS IT DID DECADES AGO, SAYS RESEARCHER

About 37 million children ages 13 to 15 around the world use tobacco, according to a 2024 report from the World Health Organization. In 2023, e-cigarettes were the most commonly used tobacco product in the U.S., with 7.7% of middle school and high school students reporting e-cigarette use. Cigarettes were the next most common, with 1.6% of middle- and high school students saying they had consumed them in the past month. Research shows that most people who use tobacco start in childhood. I am a public health researcher who studies
6-3-2024

LOW-DOSE ASPIRIN REDUCES INFLAMMATION CAUSED BY SLEEP LOSS

A new study to be presented at the SLEEP 2024 annual meeting, held in Houston, Texas, June 1–5, found that low-dose acetylsalicylic acid, also known as aspirin, can reduce inflammatory responses to sleep restriction. Results show that compared with placebo, preemptive administration of low-dose aspirin during sleep restriction reduced pro-inflammatory responses. Specifically, aspirin reduced interleukin-6 expression and COX-1/COX-2 double positive cells in lipopolysaccharide-stimulated monocytes, as well as C-reactive protein serum levels. “The novelty of this study is that it investigated whether we can pharmacologically reduce the inflammatory consequences of sleep
6-3-2024

NEW STUDY SHEDS LIGHT ON THE EFFECTS OF HUMOR IN MEDICAL PRACTICES

A humorous remark at just the right time can go a long way. Benevolent humor helps medical assistants (MAs) cope positively with their stressful working day, according to a new study published in BMC Primary Care by the Martin Luther University Halle-Wittenberg (MLU) and the Federal Institute for Vocational Education and Training (BIBB). The researchers surveyed more than 600 MAs to find out how they experience their work and what
6-3-2024

FDA WARNS OF BACTERIAL AND OTHER DANGERS FROM RECALLED INFANT FORMULA

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is warning parents about a goat milk infant formula potentially tainted with a bacterium that’s very dangerous to babies. Crecelac brand formula, already under recall since May 24, could contain Cronobacter, which “can cause bloodstream and central nervous system infections, such as sepsis and meningitis” in infants, the FDA warned in a statement issued Friday. Two other Farmalac brands are also being recalled because they failed to meet FDA safety regulations. The three recalled brands are: CRECELAC INFANT Powdered Goat Milk Infant Formula with
6-3-2024

SCIENTISTS DEVELOP AI TOOL TO PREDICT HOW CANCER PATIENTS WILL RESPOND TO IMMUNOTHERAPY

In a proof-of-concept study, researchers at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) have developed an artificial intelligence (AI) tool that uses routine clinical data, such as that from a simple blood test, to predict whether someone’s cancer will respond to immune checkpoint inhibitors, a type of immunotherapy drug that helps immune cells kill cancer cells. The machine-learning model may help doctors determine if immunotherapy drugs are effective for treating a patient’s cancer. The study, published June 3, 2024, in Nature
6-3-2024

A DARK SIDE TO DARK CHOCOLATE? NEW STUDY FINDS VERY MINIMAL RISK FOR KIDS FROM METALS IN CHOCOLATES

Chocolate lovers may have been alarmed by a 2023 Consumer Reports finding that some dark chocolate brands could contain harmful levels of lead and cadmium. However, a new study by Tulane University published in Food Research International has found that dark chocolate poses no adverse risk for adults and contains nutritionally beneficial levels of essential minerals. The study sampled 155 dark and milk chocolates from various global brands sold in the United States and tested for the presence of 16 heavy metals ranging from the toxic (lead and cadmium) to
6-3-2024

LACK OF INSURANCE KEEPS MANY AMERICANS FROM BEST CANCER MEDS

A cutting-edge class of drugs is saving and extending the lives of cancer patients. But the drugs, called immune checkpoint inhibitors (ICIs), are so expensive that some uninsured Americans can’t access them, a new report finds. New policies are needed “to improve health insurance coverage options and to make new treatments more affordable,” the American Cancer Society (ACS) said in a news release outlining the findings. The study was led by ACS researcher Dr. Jingxuan Zhao. Her team presented the findings at the annual meeting of the American Society of
6-3-2024

UNDERSTANDING RISKS AND NEED FOR URGENT TREATMENT

It’s always important to prioritize health by participating in stroke risk screenings. These assessments offer invaluable insights into personal health profiles, enabling you to address potential risk factors head-on. Through simple measures such as monitoring blood pressure, measuring cholesterol levels, and adopting healthier lifestyle choices, you have the opportunity to dramatically reduce your susceptibility to stroke. Whether accessed online, in public programs, or through primary care providers, these screenings can provide proactive steps towards a healthier future. As we delve deeper into stroke awareness, it’s imperative to familiarize yourself with
6-3-2024

STUDY FINDS THAT OLDER ADULTS WITH SLEEP APNEA HAVE HIGHER ODDS OF HOSPITALIZATION

A new study found that sleep apnea is associated with increased odds of future utilization of health care services including hospitalization among older adults. Results show that participants aged 50 years and older with sleep apnea had a 21% higher odds of reporting future use of any health service compared with those without sleep apnea. Specifically, individuals with sleep apnea had 21% higher odds
6-3-2024

STUDY FINDS MORE WOMEN IN OIL-RICH GULF COUNTRIES BATTLE WITH BREAST CANCER

Breast cancer incidence has surged in the oil-rich Gulf (GCC) states, with the disease developing its own localized clinical and pathological features, setting them apart from those found in women with breast cancer in western countries, a study published in the journal Frontiers in Oncology finds. The study attributes the hike to the nature of menstrual cycle of women in these countries, hereditary factors, weaning children earlier than expected, prevalence of hormonal treatment, obesity, and use of contraceptives. The research is authored by a panel of nine oncologists from four
6-3-2024

HEALTH CARE PROVIDERS WANT THIS INFORMATION BEFORE PRESCRIBING THE HIV PREVENTION, PREP, TO ADOLESCENTS, STUDY FINDS

HIV infections among adolescents and young adults continue to be at high levels, with Americans between the ages of 13 and 24 accounting for approximately 20% of all new HIV infections in 2019. However, uptake of a preventive regimen known as pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) in this group remains low. Approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) since 2012, PrEP is highly effective for preventing HIV when taken as directed and reduces the risk of HIV from sex by 99% and from injection drug use by 74%. A new
6-3-2024

EXPENSIVE, DANGEROUS AND VERY ‘EN VOGUE’

When Los Angeles County medical examiners worked last year to determine how Matthew Perry died, they discovered something startling. The amount of ketamine in Perry’s bloodstream was about the same as what would be used during general anesthesia, his autopsy showed. Perry’s death—now the subject of an investigation by the Los Angeles Police Department and the Drug Enforcement Administration—is putting a spotlight on the growing use of ketamine. There are more prescriptions, dedicated clinics and a burgeoning black market that
6-3-2024

HOW TO FIND THE RIGHT BALANCE BETWEEN TELEMEDICINE AND IN-PERSON CARE

A patient sits in the living room of her apartment in the Brooklyn borough of New York during a telemedicine video conference with a physician on Jan. 14, 2019. Patients can now see an array of doctors without leaving their recliner thanks to telemedicine. But that doesn’t mean trips to the office should end. Finding the right balance between virtual and in-person visits can be a key to getting good care.
6-3-2024

MANY PFAS FOREVER CHEMICALS ARE TOXIC—HERE’S HOW TO AVOID THEM

From non-stick frying pans to stain-resistant sofas, some of the most innovative everyday products are made using chemicals known as per- and polyfluoroalkyl substances (PFAS). These “forever chemicals”—so-called because they don’t degrade—have been used in a variety of consumer and commercial applications since the 1950s. They can repel water and oil, resist high temperatures and act as “surfactants” by helping different types of liquids mix. There are around 15,000 different PFAS chemicals. Each one has a slightly different chemical composition, but they all have at least two carbon-fluorine bonds.

• 6-3-2024POLLUTANTS AND CLIMATE CHANGE CONTRIBUTE TO MILLIONS OF DEATHS FROM CARDIOVASCULAR DISEASE EACH YEAR, WARN SCIENTISTS
• 6-3-2024LOW SOCIOECONOMIC STATUS RAISES PREGNANT WOMEN’S RISK OF EXPOSURE TO THYROID-DISRUPTING CHEMICALS, STUDY FINDS
• 6-3-2024MEDITATING WITH HEADBAND THAT TRACKS BRAIN ACTIVITY MAY IMPROVE SURGICAL RECOVERY IN PATIENTS WITH CUSHING’S SYNDROME
• 6-3-2024US WILL MAKE MILLIONS OF BIRD FLU VACCINES THIS SUMMER
• 6-3-2024NEW STUDY SHOWS VITAMIN C BOOSTS DNA DAMAGE AND CELL DEATH IN MELANOMA CELLS
• 6-3-2024NOVEL TARGETED CANCER THERAPIES DEMONSTRATE ACTIVITY AND SAFETY IN METASTATIC SOLID TUMORS
• 6-3-2024TOP US GOVERNMENT SCIENTIST GRILLED ON COVID
• 6-3-2024TEAM PRESENTS PROMISING RESULTS FROM FIRST CLINICAL TRIAL OF NEXT-GEN ANTIBODY IN PATIENTS WITH ADVANCED SOLID TUMORS
• 6-3-2024WHITE BLOOD CELL ‘NETS’ COULD BE EARLY WARNING SIGN OF MAJOR IMMUNOTHERAPY COMPLICATION
• 6-3-2024MENTAL HEALTH, LACK OF WORKPLACE SUPPORT ARE LEADING FACTORS DRIVING NURSES FROM JOBS: STUDY
• 6-3-2024SKIN MODELS AS AN ALTERNATIVE TO ANIMAL TESTING
• 6-3-2024STUDIES SHOW NARCOLEPSY IS A RISK FACTOR FOR CARDIOVASCULAR DISEASE AND ADVERSE CARDIAC EVENTS
• 6-3-2024NEW PATHWAYS FOR TREATING NEVER-SMOKER LUNG CANCER REVEALED
• 6-3-2024SOFT IMPLANTABLE POLYMER BALLOON ENABLES CONTROLLED AND TARGETED DRUG DELIVERY
• 6-3-2024BRAIN-TO-BRAIN TECHNOLOGY BOOSTS BRAIN-COMPUTER INTERFACE PERFORMANCE, STUDY DEMONSTRATES
• 6-3-2024FALSE BELIEF IN MMR VACCINE-AUTISM LINK ENDURES AS MEASLES THREAT PERSISTS, FINDS SURVEY
• 6-3-2024TWO-PRONGED ATTACK STRATEGY BOOSTS IMMUNOTHERAPY IN PRECLINICAL STUDIES
• 6-3-2024THE IMPORTANCE OF A DISTURBED LIPID METABOLISM IN CHARCOT-MARIE-TOOTH DISEASE
• 6-3-2024SIMULATION SESSIONS HELP ICU CLINICIANS PREPARE FOR HIGH-RISK, INFREQUENT EMERGENCY PROCEDURES
• 6-3-2024HOW SUPPLY CHAIN MANAGEMENT ADVANCES HEALTH CARE FOR WOMEN IN RURAL COMMUNITIES
• 6-3-2024NO DECLINE IN CARDIOVASCULAR EVENTS SEEN WITH COVID-19 VACCINE AFTER ACUTE CORONARY SYNDROMES
• 6-3-2024CHROMATIN OPENNESS SHEDS NEW LIGHT ON PROSTATE CANCER PLASTICITY
• 6-3-2024THE FUTURE OF DRUG TESTING: VASCULARIZED ORGAN-ON-A-CHIP TECHNOLOGIES
• 6-3-2024AI-DRIVEN TOOL CAN DETECT LEWY BODY DEMENTIA VIA CHANGES IN VOCAL EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION
• 6-3-2024STUDY SHOWS COLLEGE STUDENTS HAVE LESS EMPATHY WHEN THEY ARE LESS ALERT
• 6-3-2024TO ELIMINATE COVID-ERA BLOODSTREAM INFECTIONS IN HEART AND LUNG PATIENTS, A HOSPITAL HAD TO INNOVATE
• 6-3-2024A NOVEL APPROACH TO OVERCOMING LEUKEMIA RECURRENCE
• 6-3-2024STUDY FINDS COGNITIVE DECLINES PRECEDING ALZHEIMER’S DIAGNOSIS LEAD TO CREDIT CARD, MORTGAGE DELINQUENCY
• 6-3-2024NEOADJUVANT IMMUNOTHERAPY FOR EARLY STAGE MELANOMA SHOWS POSITIVE RESULTS
• 6-3-2024HPV-BASED SCREENING CAN HELP ELIMINATE CERVICAL CANCER
• 6-3-2024PREECLAMPSIA LINKED TO INCREASED RISK FOR YOUNG-ONSET DEMENTIA
• 6-3-2024WHAT IS A CEREBRAL ANEURYSM AND WHAT ARE THE SIGNS?
• 6-3-2024PROTEIN DISCOVERY COULD HELP PREVENT CANCER TREATMENT-RELATED HEART DAMAGE
• 6-3-2024FARMWORKERS FACE HIGH-RISK EXPOSURES TO BIRD FLU, BUT TESTING ISN’T REACHING THEM
• 6-3-2024STUDY INDICATES FEWER THAN 1 IN 4 PATIENTS RECEIVE DIETARY COUNSELING AFTER A HEART ATTACK
• 6-3-2024TRIAL REVEALS BENEFITS OF ‘STEPPED’ PALLIATIVE CARE FOR PATIENTS WITH ADVANCED LUNG CANCER
• 6-3-2024TELEHEALTH CAN SIGNIFICANTLY REDUCE GREENHOUSE GAS EMISSIONS ASSOCIATED WITH CANCER CARE, STUDY FINDS
• 6-3-2024MOSQUITOES CARRYING WEST NILE VIRUS FOUND IN LA COUNTY
• 6-3-2024RESEARCHERS CREATE ‘CHAMELEON’ COMPOUND THAT TARGETS DRUG-RESISTANT BRAIN CANCERS
• 6-3-2024STUDY FINDS PEOPLE OF COLOR DISPROPORTIONATELY DROPPED FROM MEDICAID
• 6-3-2024NEW DRUG SHOWS PROMISE IN EASING CHRONIC PAIN, STUDY FINDS
• 6-3-2024RESEARCHERS DETERMINE THAT A SUBCLASS OF STEM CELLS REPLENISH PLATELETS MORE RAPIDLY
• 6-3-2024NEW ANALYTICAL TOOL CAN IMPROVE UNDERSTANDING OF HERITABLE HUMAN TRAITS AND DISEASES
• 6-3-2024STUDY FINDS SEMAGLUTIDE ASSOCIATED WITH REDUCTION IN INCIDENCE AND RECURRENCE OF ALCOHOL-USE DISORDER
• 6-3-2024HIGH INSULIN LEVELS CONTRIBUTE TO WORSE OUTCOMES FOR BLACK WOMEN WITH AGGRESSIVE FORM OF BREAST CANCER, RESEARCH FINDS
• 6-3-2024MOBILE APP AIMS TO HELP IDENTIFY GRAFT-VERSUS-HOST DISEASE EARLIER
• 6-3-2024TELEMEDICINE MAY INCREASE ENDOCRINOLOGY CARE ACCESS FOR UNDER-RESOURCED PATIENTS WITH DIABETES AND HEART DISEASE
• 6-3-2024PERSONS OF NONBINARY GENDER MAY DESIRE LOWER-DOSE TESTOSTERONE TREATMENT THAN GUIDELINES RECOMMEND
• 6-3-2024CDC REPORTS ITS DECADE-LONG EFFORTS IN STANDARDIZING VITAMIN D TESTS
• 6-3-2024METFORMIN MAY BE AS SAFE AS INSULIN DURING PREGNANCY, 11-YEAR DATA SHOW
• 6-3-2024TWO MEDICATION CLASSES FOUND TO REDUCE CARDIOVASCULAR AND LIVER EVENTS IN PEOPLE WITH TYPE 2 DIABETES
• 6-3-2024STRESS FROM LIVING IN VIOLENT NEIGHBORHOODS TIED TO AGGRESSIVE LUNG CANCER IN BLACK MEN
• 6-3-2024GUIDELINE RECOMMENDS HEALTHY ADULTS UNDER THE AGE OF 75 TAKE THE RECOMMENDED DAILY ALLOWANCE OF VITAMIN D
• 6-3-2024GLOBAL CONSENSUS ON SECOND-DEGREE WOUND CARE
• 6-3-2024UNDERSTANDING HOW ABNORMAL EMBRYOS SELF-CORRECT MAY PROVIDE WOMEN WITH A BETTER CHANCE OF IVF PREGNANCY
• 6-3-2024NEW BIOMARKERS MAY ENABLE PERSONALIZED INFLUENZA VACCINATION SCHEDULE

6 years ago, my days consisted of laying down, playing video games, and then laying down so more. I couldn't even play complicated games because I would dissociate every few minutes and miss parts of the story. And once a week I'd work on processing a piece of my trauma, after which I couldn't do much of anything save for staring at the wall.
I would think "what is this all for? I don't actually have a life." I think the only thing that kept me going was my fear that I'd ruin my relationship with the only healthy, decent human being I'd ever been close to.
Somehow I happened upon friendship bracelet YouTube, and that became my first real hobby. It was easy - a child could do it - and I didn't have to worry about losing my place because it was just knots.
Healing definitely helped make that one small thing possible, but it still felt like it wasn't enough. I wanted more, but my addled, trauma ridden brain needed care before that could happen.
I want to talk about what my life is like today, a little more than 2 and a half years after I finished my healing journey. I want this post to be a beacon of hope in the storm that is CPTSD healing. I want you to know what's possible, because you deserve to believe that more is possible for you.
Today, I have a job. I've got friends who know my story and care deeply for me, who check in and ask if I'm okay, and who knows what I sound like when I'm not. I've started biking and going to the pool. I've started taking vitamins. And I'm trying to learn to knit but God is it hard for me 😅
I know when to take breaks from my hobbies, and when and how to prioritize self care. I know when I'm being made to feel uncomfortable by someone and how to navigate that in a healthy way. My days are full, and I keep surprising myself at how much I'm capable of.
Please believe in yourself. Whether you choose to believe, as I did, in the healed you as someone you haven't met yet, or you choose, as I eventually found out, that the "healed you" was inside you, buried beneath the trauma, you deserve to believe you can eventually become that person, that you can have a full life that you feel satisfied with. Please give yourself that chance ❤️❤️❤️

Ladies and gentlemen of Reddit And (fingers crossed)The Lovely Charlotte Dobre✨ Please buckle up I will do my best to make this quick and fun but JUST IN CASE buckle 🆙 and grab some popcorn 🍿
I (female 20) and my handsome man (21 male) have both individually been friends with our at the time soon to be House guest from hell. We were living with a couple that at first were really great but slowly showed their true colors.
For Context: The female, let’s call Stella I knew from my high school 2 hours from my past middle school where I met my man and a friend of mine from middle school let’s call Ark. Ark and my man were best friends after high school for about 4 solid years to where they had a bromance and great Friendship I adored. When I was a kid I was moved around a lot to the point I had been to 7 different schools, middle school was where I went to school with Ark and my man, then after moving ended up at a high school (I won’t name) where I met Stella. We were nice to each other but not very close, same with Ark.
Flash forward to after we all graduated we heard Ark was seeing a woman a month before the drama begun, we immediately had some comments when he opened with she has a newborn with her ex BF we’ll can Perry I had also known from high school and it kinda came as a shock. He started dating her when she was 9 months pregnant and still was all in. For context Ark was a Virgin and was kind of a shy kid. She took his virginity so she was his first love so to speak, I only state because we were shocked by the situation.
When I had found out Stella was dating Ark I was at first excited because I hadn’t seen her since high school and she ended up dating my man’s best friend. My immediate excitement blinded me for the beginning red flags due to me just happy to have found another couple to double date with given how it’s kind of hard to find at our age.
When we found out they were doing long distance by a two hour drive my man had offered our 2nd bedroom for them to consider move in and become roommates with us. We all agreed that’d be a great idea, looking back we were more excited than them and were too lenient without establishing basic rules.
We encouraged them to get comfy and maybe try out the room for a bit to see if it’d be a great fit for a living situation. A week after they slept at our house Stella, who currently lives with her mother, stated she needed to go home because her mother wasn’t happy that she wasn’t home right away to meet up with Perry who dropped off the baby. Her mother ofc took care of the baby but was blowing up her phone about when she was coming back. Stella was annoyed and kept trying to stay longer and avoid the situation all together. While her mother was nonstop calling and texting her she vented to me explaining that when she found out she was pregnant with her son her mother wanted the baby more than she did even if that meant she was unhappy with the situation.
A day later of her dreading the situation of going home to her mad mom and baby, she asked me to take her back, I agreed and we got in the car and drove two hours back to her current home. She changed her mind twice about if she was gonna grab chlothes and come back to the house with me or to stay and get picked up another week. She decided by the time we reached the driveway she was gonna grab chlothes and ride back with me. I supported her decision. 20 minutes go by and I had send a text asking if she was doing okay, she didn’t reply or even open the message
I then see her walking from her front door to her garage back and forth with boxes and items in hand, After seeing this 5 or 6 times I hop out of my car and ask if she’s okay or if I could help out with anything. She was vague about what happened but what I understood was that she was no longer welcome at her moms house and that she’s gonna have to move in right away and that her mom was basically making her move her boxes while verbally abusing her by saying degrading comments. She hugged me tight after I said that I’d happily help out and that she’s not alone. After she thanked me we got to work. I followed behind her and picked up boxes right along side of her without leaving her out of my sight in case she needed my protection. For context I’m a full foot taller than her so I could easily have her back in a fight.
Her mother was screaming like a banshee and even mocked the words that I said. She had demanded that I meet her somewhere and when I had stated that it’s up to Stella what the plan is she screamed and mocked exactly what I said 10x louder than my respectful indoor voice. Long story short we got through the nightmare of this woman intending to follow us in my car after moving what seemed like 1 million boxes before we speed out of her driveway taking Stella back to the house. I immediately text my man and let him know the situation, he was immediately understanding and on board about her moving right in.
No more than 3 days later Stella was able to get her stuff moved in and we were 100% in support for her.
A little upside to Ark he cooks big meals 3 times a day, his specialty was Pancakes 🥞. We all agreed to have a group chat on Snapchat to have discussions as a team. We named it Pancake buddies, since I was the one who formed the group I put that name up. This becomes important later.
When Ark and Stella were out getting the last of her stuff I was messaging Stella trying to communicate the plan with her son in the group chat. She had stated she wouldn’t bring him by for some time and just be bringing his stuff after I had brought up the same topic she tried avoiding. When I had asked her details she stated she will be bringing all the baby stuff that same day. Being a little surprised finding out last minute I was a little surprised. I asked her how much stuff she said it didn’t matter because she needs the supplies to take care of her son. I stated that’s not a problem I just would have appreciated a heads up before hand not just last minute. She snapped at me saying I knew what I was getting myself into so I shouldn’t be having a problem with it. I stated I had no problems with her, her son, or what she has to do, I just wanted a heads up when she figured out her plan. She didn’t like that very much.
At this point we had been having too much miscommunication. Stella was unemployed and had a bad shopping habit, the bills were tripling and there was no communication as a household. Stella’s was changing things left and right and would get upset when we slightly questioned what was going on. Let it be clear my man and I need upfront communication before stuff happens. It’s the way we work and it’s how we feel comfortable with change in our home.
After she had come back bringing her baby stuff and supplies I descided to give her the benefit of the doubt and not ask so many questions. After she and Ark brought in all the stuff they needed, she brought in her son. Not knowing that they were bringing the baby I was a little bit taken aback because we had no idea when the baby would be here. I felt really uncomfortable not having a heads up. Mainly because my fiancé and I haven’t been around babies much especially one sleeping over. Stella just happily brought in the baby and said “Surprise”
Being very surprised, I just waved at the baby and text my man who was at work. He was more shocked than me saying that it would have been nice to know given how there was such short notice that we’d be hearing a baby cry in the night. I did my best to reassure him that we wouldn’t have to do much besides swallow our pride and space ourselves from the situation. Knowing that she didn’t understand communication or common sense was very uncomfortable to live with. I swallowed my pride and met the baby. He was very sweet and very cute. While I held the baby Stella started unpacking, leaving me to babysit. I let it go time to time but I realized shorty that Stella was so used to her mother watching the baby she wasn’t prepared to take it all on herself. Realizing this I distanced myself more and more when the baby was over to avoid being the babysitter unprepared. I had no problem with it at first but then it was on me when I was in the room. Stella never told me to says that she’d have her son so it made me more upset when I had to ask repeatedly and not getting a solid answer. A month in and I asked Ark once what’s the schedule with the baby he said Friday through Sunday which gave me some relief. Keep in mind they still had no rush to sign on to the lease. When I asked Stella about it she said she planned on moving out before the next month. That took us by even more surprise.
A couple weeks later we were at our wits end. We found out she was a 🍃 smoker, which made our whole house smell like it. It bothered me so much, we had asked her to do it outside and she complied only when we were home. However we’d find out she’d do it even when we were home disregarding our wishes. My man was really uncomfortable with her doing it as well, she’d crack a window when she would but we were terrified our neighbors would report the smell which could get us evicted
One thing not to forget is that she had stated she has an apartment of her own near her family two hours away and family member of hers put down money. She had mentioned constantly that she was just gonna go back there when the months up.
She never gave us a heads up whenever she did anything especially things that affect a house of 4. Here’s the list to save time: - Would snap over small things that would end up in her screaming across the room for no reason - using all the hot water which effects the water usage in our home that’s connected to dishes, 4 adults and 1 baby’s laundry and 3 other people to shower - Degrading Comments towards Ark that would make all of us uncomfortable such as; • When he accidentally dropped an egg when making breakfast “What were you raised in a barn?😡” • When Ark would ask what’s wrong for the 20th time she would sigh repeatedly and comment “ugh nothing” then would vent to me and my man complaining about how he never does anything. • Openly complaining about how bad Ark is in bed • Would complain so much to where Ark would be sobbing on the couch while she stomps around acting quite childish - Would sit in Arks lap in baby making positions on our couch while laughing and looking at us to where we were very uncomfortable to step foot in our Living room. Including laying in a spooning position on our couch while being so affectionate it’s made several visitors leave. -When her toddler son would come over she’d put him in the baby bouncer and would leave him unattended to where we had no choice but to babysit, she would even leave the room with the baby in our care to take a shower but didn’t communicate that we were watching her child.
⬆️All of these and much much more⬆️
Cut to 4 days later, we were all relaxing in the living room, trading jokes and having fun. It was great, until Stella made a joke to all 3 of us that we didn’t fully understand or get. We all laughed and traded confused looks, when we all commented on our confusion, she shot up out of her seat and stomped away to her room and slammed the door behind her. Ark, my man and I were all confused as to what just happened. Trying to figure it out Ark became really sad after trying to calm her down by knocking on the door. My man sat on the couch with Ark and myself. Ark had teared up with confusion and sadness. My man and I tried to be there for him best we could making sure he wasn’t going to too much pain. When we asked him how he was doing he said he was so confused as to why she was never happy, why he was never enough or why he was always doing something wrong. We were heartbroken for him, understanding he was in love we gently assured him he wasn’t the problem or doing anything wrong. After chatting for a bit I asked Ark if she makes him happy, he said he didn’t know. I asked when was the last time she complimented him, he paused and looked stunned. He replied with, she doesn’t. I traded a look with my man, both of us realizing she wasn’t good for him, but biting our tongue so we weren’t to get in the middle of anything. Cut to 20 minutes later we were waiting to see if Stella was falling asleep. When I heard a sound I can only describe as self harm, I suffered from depression and I recognized the breath change and firmly told Ark to get to Stella immediately, he ran. Sure enough she had self harmed. This changed everything. We no longer felt comfortable with her in our home. We wanted her out but needed the situation to be calmed down before discussing this with Ark. My fiancé and I were both triggered by her self harm and felt so angry and so uneasy. Ark came out respectfully asking if we wouldn’t mind giving them some privacy the living room so he could help her clean her wounds. We complied and went to our room to discuss what just happened. Cut to 30 minutes later Ark and my man talked about what happened then my man discussed what was going on. Ark had let us know that she had no where else to go and that they need to stay here otherwise they’d be homeless. Being so angry we discussed to pros and cons and after a lot of talked we thought about our friendship with Ark and decided to swallow our pride as long as she apologized to us. We waited until the next day, getting updated from Ark about her wellbeing. 2 hours after we had woken up Stella stomped in our room with a bitter look on her face, she said “so I’m supposed to apologize to you guys” we just looked at her. She rolled her eyes turned around and stomped away. I was furious. 3 hours later Ark walked her back in our room and she gave us a very great apology while getting emotional, which we accepted and things went back to normal.
After a couple more days the problem of finances came along. At this point it had been about 2 months while they were visiting/staying with us, My man worked full time at that point just to just to even scrape by. When My man and I had discussed finances he had been frustrated that our billed hadn’t just been doubled but TRIPLED. Stella didn’t contribute anything but complaints, jokes and sometimes doing the dishes.
Ark and my man had discussed a financial agreement which seemed to have worked. For context our rent is near $900 not including a few unities, groceries, gas to and from work, and our house supplies we now need to double. For all four of us groceries are over $500 a month. If that gives any context.
Over the two months they lived here we were so uncomfortable with how Stella did what she wanted when she wanted and copped an attitude when we spoke up about our concerns, an example is, When Ark brought his motorcycle over the noise was so loud the floor was literally vibrating, this wouldn’t be a problem if we didn’t live in a quiet trailer neighborhood where each trailer is about 7ish feel apart. Anything you do noise related your neighbors can hea feel. He started it up and revved the engine making me so nervous we’d get a noise complaint or disrupt our neighbors peace at 10am. I for the first time spoke up that it’s too loud out here and that he can’t rev it. Stella ofc had something to say, she started to ask what the big deal was, saying that it’s not hurting anyone. I snapped back by saying “You don’t know, this isn’t your house. You aren’t even on the lease” as she replied by saying there wasn’t anything wrong with it I realized both boys were pale. I backed off and retreated to my room to get away from the mess.
After discussing it with my man I decided to apologize, which I did. I first apologized to Ark who was shy and locked down. Stella ofc ran away to her room pouting and taking her bad mood out on Ark any chance she got. I gave a very strong apology to Ark, stating my reasons, regrets, and responsibility from the miscommunication. He accepted. I apologized to Stella after she pretended nothing happened, to keep the peace, Even though she never admitted to wrongdoing.
When we finally had enough we gave them one week notice to move out. They packed within 3 days and we avoided them like the plague only coming out of our room when important. Cut to the day before they moved out. I had changed the group chat name to 3 dots because I felt out friendship wasn’t strong anymore. My man and I let them know they had to be out the follow day before noon. Stella of course had a problem with why I changed the group chat name. I said that it didn’t matter that she needed to be out the next day. She had stated she didn’t do anything wrong and that I’m treating her horribly and unfairly, I called her on her behavior towards me and said how I felt about the entire living situation. She doubled down, she tried blaming be for her behavior, saying I’m a bad friend, that I’m one to talk, and then called me names. I said if she’s gonna call me names she can leave to Arks other friends house 3 blocks away. She continued to insult me and my man supported me and encouraged her to leave. He told her she has no one to blame but herself and that she can leave if she’s not going to be respectful. She left and went to the friend house. She had blocked us, left the group chat and waiting for Ark to get back from work. When she left the group chat her messages left too. My man and I pushed all of their packed belongings to our living room and waiting for a text from Ark. finally feelings comfortable in our own home we were able to breathe again. Ark didn’t text us until the next morning, eh it was just to ask if the front door was unlocked.
I woke up unlocked it and returned to my room, which I recorded a video off my phone to capture any sounds of damage. I should also state I took pictures of their empty room to keep on file just in case, no longer than 2 hours later they were gone. I locked the door behind them. And finally was able to sleep peacefully.
Update coming stay tuned.

After the gruesome death of Karla Reyes, her memory still haunted me. I found myself constantly thinking about her, replaying our last moments together, and wishing I could change the outcome. The guilt and grief weighed heavily on my heart, and I knew that attending her funeral was something I needed to do, not just for Karla but for myself as well.
Five days after the discovery of Karla’s death, the day of the funeral arrived, and I made my way to the cathedral Catholic church, my heart heavy with sorrow. My family wasn't particularly religious, but Karla's family was, and I wanted to pay my respects in the way they would have wanted.
I entered the church, the familiar scent of incense and candles filled my nostrils, bringing back memories of Sunday school and holidays spent in these halls. I spotted Karla's family seated in the front pews, their faces etched with grief. My own family was there as well, offering their support and comfort during this difficult time.
My dad approached Karla's father, his eyes filled with sympathy. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Mr. Reyes. Has Karla mentioned anyone who might want to cause her harm? Anyone who wished her ill?"
Karla's father, his eyes red-rimmed and swollen, shook his head. "I can't think of anyone, Sheriff Anderson. Except..." He trailed off, his voice thick with emotion.
"There was a man, part of a pandilla, who wanted to kill my family. He had threatened us, but I never thought he would go after Karlita. I always kept my family protected, but maybe..." Mr. Reyes's voice broke, and he buried his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking with sobs.
My mom, who had been comforting Karla's mother, shot me a worried glance, her eyes filled with tears. Mrs. Reyes clutched my mom's hand, her grief-stricken voice calling out, "Porque a mi niña? Why my little Karla? Why you took her away from me so early?"
I made my way towards the coffin, my heart pounding in my chest. The coffin was made of rosewood, adorned with delicate orchids. It was a closed casket, and I felt a pang of sadness that I wouldn't be able to see Karla one last time, to say a proper goodbye. I placed a white rose on top of the coffin, my fingers trailing over the smooth wood. "Rest in peace, Karla," I mouthed out.
One month later, I remembered being in art class, trying to focus on the painting in front of me—a vibrant blue jay perched on a branch. It was a peaceful scene, but my mind kept wandering, my thoughts drifting back to Karla.
Suddenly, someone brushed past me, and I looked up to see Mandy Lake. She was known for her Gothic attire and multiple piercings. "Oops, sorry," she mumbled, taking a seat next to Hannah, who was jamming to Haley Kiyoko through her headphones.
Brandon returned from his bathroom break and slid into the seat next to me. "Hey, Lily, I might have heard some rumors popping up," he signed, his eyes downcast.
I signed, "What kind of rumors?"
Brandon opened his mouth to respond, but before he could speak, Ryan barged into the art room, his eyes landing on me. "Hey, Lily, I hear you're smoking a juul these days. You got hit this ganja with me?" he said with a smirk, walking towards us.
Brandon snapped, "She doesn't do that, Ryan. Leave her alone."
Ryan laughed, a mocking sound that grated on my nerves. "Maybe it's her twin Billie, then." He pulled out his iPhone 6, displaying a Snapchat video of me and Karla smoking a juul. I tried to make out the poster's handle, but Ryan swiped it away before I could read it.
Our art teacher, Ms. Taylor, appeared at Ryan's side, her eyes narrowed. "Get out of my class, Ryan, or I'm writing you up.”
“Geez, Ms. Tay-Tay. You're a buzzkill,” Ryan groaned and made a squealing sound, trying to mimic me. As he turned to leave, I purposely stuck out my foot, tripping him. He landed on his nose, as small specks of bloody boogers seeped from his nostrils. Getting up from his feet, Ryan stormed off, smearing the door with blood.
Ms. Taylor saw the whole thing and sighed in frustration. "Lily, I know you did that to defend yourself, but it's not the right thing to do," she said, her voice firm but understanding.
I signed angrily, "I don't care, Ms. Taylor. He shouldn't have bothered me in the first place.”
“Fair point,” Ms. Taylor's eyes widened at my response, and she shook her head, clearly at a loss for words.
In a rather abrupt manner, the speakers blared, "Lilibelle Anderson please report to the principal's office."
Everyone in the class turned to look at me, letting out ohss and whispers. Brandon had enough of it, slamming his hands on the table, "Shut the hell up, all of you."
“Don't sweat it,” I signed to Brandon, "I'll meet you after lunch," and left the room, my heart pounding.
Passing by the lockers, I stopped in front of one in particular—Karla's. It was covered in sticky notes, drawings, and pictures, along with flowers, all expressing grief and condolences. There was also a letter written by Mrs. Becker as well. The letter read.
“Dear Karla Reyes,
It is a tragedy to have lost a talented student like you. You were potential, shining bright like a star. Whoever monster did this to you deserves hell. Hope you rest in peace, and forever be singing in the choir of the heavens.
With much love,
Your Choir teacher.”
Alyssa appeared behind me, her voice soft. She towered over me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "It must be tough, losing a friend. But you shouldn't blame yourself, Lily. You were a victim too."
I looked at her, surprised by her kindness. She gave me a small smile and said, "Take care of yourself, okay?" Then she walked away, leaving me alone with my thoughts. At least Alyssa didn't look at me like I was the one who killed Karla. Fiona being one of those people who after Karla's death, looked at me like I was a monster.
I continued on my way to the principal's office, my heart heavy. Principal Kelly was waiting for me, his expression kind but stern. "How are you doing, Lily?" he asked, motioning for me to take a seat.
I signed, "I'm okay."
He nodded, his eyes filled with sympathy. "I'm so sorry about what happened to you, Lily. I wish I could take away your pain. But I'm afraid I have some disappointing news. You've broken a rule, and I have no choice but to give you a week of detention."
I signed, "Am I going to be expelled?”
Principal Kelly shook his head. "No, Lilibelle. I understand you've been through a lot, and I want to give you a chance to make things right. But I can't condone vaping on school property."
I crossed my arms, frustration building inside me. "Who told you about the vape video?”
He hesitated, his hands placed up high on top of his balding head. "I can't tell you that. But I want you to know that I'm on your side.”
I shook my head, my anger rising. "I'll find it out myself," I signed, my eyes flashing.
With that, I left his office, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. I noticed a group of students huddled together, whispering and glancing in my direction. I recognized Brianne among them, and my heart sank. Whatever rumor was spreading, it was gaining traction.
I quickened my pace, eager to get away from their judgmental stares. As I turned the corner, I collided with someone, sending our books flying. "Oh, I'm so sorry," I signed, bending to pick up the fallen books.
The girl I had bumped into offered me a hand, her eyes warm and sympathetic. "It's okay. Are you alright?”
I recognized her as Sarah Miller, a fellow freshmen from a different homeroom and a member of the Journaling club. She was one of the girls. I always saw them hanging out in the school library, reading newspapers and what not. From word of mouth, Sarah was Alyssa’s cousin and used to be inseparable. Part of me wanted to know more about Alyssa, and maybe just maybe Sarah knew something.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I signed, taking her hand and hoisting myself up. "Thanks."
She smiled at me, her eyes kind. "No problem. Hey, um, I know we don't really know each other that well, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. I know you've been through a lot lately."
I nodded, my throat tightening with emotion. "Thanks, Sarah. I appreciate it.”
“Mhm. Oh yeah, I was wondering if you had lunch B?”
“Who doesn't have Lunch B. Everyone and their mothers have Lunch B.”
Sarah let out a giggle, tucking one of her honey blonde strands behind her ears. “That's so true. Anyways….you wanna eat together or-”
Seeing how shy Sarah was made me like her a lot. She was endearing in a way, and of course I would want to be friends with a kind individual. “Sure, why not.” I gestured, with a welcoming tone.
After a few classes later, I headed to lunch with Matt and Brandon, my stomach rumbling in anticipation of the school's infamous chicken nuggets. Matt chatted about his plans to go grocery shopping with his mom after school, complaining about having to make the list during Allegra's class.
"I actually find grocery shopping fun," I signed, my eyes lighting up at the thought. "Especially when I get to pick out my favorite peaches."
Matt brows drooped, as he hugged on his gray sleeves. “Groceries can be fun, but try buying groceries in bulk. Mom always says it saves trips, but rolling 6 carts of food kills my back.”
“Oh..”
“Yep. That's one of the downsides of being filthy rich.”
I noticed Brandon's silence, his eyes distant as he lost himself in his thoughts. Matt, ever observant, asked, "You okay, Brandon? Still dealing with what happened the day of Karla's disappearance?”
Brandon lied, forcing a weak smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired."
Matt's concerned gaze didn't waver. "Are you sure? You know you can talk to me about anything."
Brandon nodded, his eyes flicking to me. "Actually, there's something I wanted to tell you both, but... it can wait."
Matt's brow furrowed, but he let it go, changing the subject. "Why don't you two find a table? I'll go grab our lunches."
As we made our way to secure a spot, Brandon blurted out, "I know who posted the video.”
I froze, my eyes widening. "What?"
Brandon took a deep breath, his eyes fixed on the ground. "I confronted Ryan in the bathroom. Pinned him against the wall and interrogated him."
I could sort of imagine that happening; out of our trio, Brandon was the most developed and could even pass for a sophomore. Some kids are early bloomers, others such as Matt and myself were late bloomers.
"And?" I prompted, my heart pounding.
"Matt suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and Ryan freaked out, blurting out the poster's name," Brandon continued, his voice tight. "Matt was confused as to why Ryan freaked out, but I knew it was because he was guilty.”
"Was it someone we know?" I asked, my fingers discreetly moved, mimicking a whisper.
Brandon nodded, his eyes meeting mine. "It's Mandy Lake."
I looked down at my lap, sadness washing over me. I knew it would be one of the choir girls, but to find out it was Mandy….I was surprised. She had always seemed so nice, but I guessed appearances could be deceiving.
Just then, Sarah appeared, her face lighting up when she spotted me. "Hey, Lily! How's it going?"
I smiled, my mood instantly lifting at the sight of my friend. "Good! Sarah, this is Brandon. Brandon, Sarah.”
Brandon shook Sarah's hand, a nervous smile on his face. "Nice to meet you. I'm a fan of your newspaper column, 'Unsolved Cases of Meadows Dale.' It's my favorite read."
Sarah laughed, her eyes sparkling with delight. "Oh, wow! I'm super into mysteries, so I guess it makes sense."
Matt appeared with three trays, placing them in front of us with a flourish. "Here you go, my friends. Wish I could be buff like Arnold Schwarzenegger so I could carry six plates at once."
He turned to Sarah, a teasing glint in his eye. "Have you adopted another stray, Lily?”
I signed, "Yes we did. We're a band of four strays, surrounded by purebred pups."
“Sweet!” Matt grinned, popping a fry into his mouth. "Anyways, well, I heard Brianne Becker started dating Ryan. Talk about the unholy couple."
Brandon groaned, rolling his eyes. "Ugh, I heard about that. They are perfect for each other."
“What? They are dating?” My mouth agape, It was sorta surprising that Brianne and Ryan were a thing, although such a concept wasn't out of reach.
"It's true. I saw them together yesterday, they were sharing a cone together.” Sarah chimed in, as she pulled out some books from her light pink backpack. She then added, "Also, before Brianne, Ryan tried to date Alyssa once, and she refused him."
“Oh really?” Matt nodded, taking a bite of his burger. "Obviously, if I were Alyssa, I'd do the same. Good call.”
I nodded, my eyes dropping to the book she picked up to read. "What are you reading?"
She held up the book, a copy of The Perks of Being a Wallflower. "It's one of my favorites. It's about this shy, introverted freshman and his journey through high school. It's a beautiful story about friendship and self-discovery."
I smiled, recognizing the title. "I've heard great things about it. Maybe I'll give it a read."
Sarah's eyes lit up. "You should! And if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here. I love discussing books.”
Brandon raised one of his brows, while he took glimpses of the book. “Wait, was there a movie version with Emma Watson in it?”
“Mhm. That's the one. Emma Watson was so pretty in that movie!” Sarah confirmed, her eyes glued to her book. Brandon looked at me, I could tell his face was flushed in bright pink.
I took a sip of my chocolate milk, my eyes flitting between my friends. "You know, I've been meaning to ask... what exactly happened that day? The day of Karla's disappearance and mine?"
“Lily..”
“Tell me what I want to know.”
“Okay fine,” Brandon cleared his throat, his eyes flicking to Matt. "Do you want us to take you there? To the abandoned shed?"
I nodded, my heart pounding in my chest. "Yes. I think I need to see it."
Curious, while sliding a Harry Potter book mark inside her book, Sarah spoke, “What shed? You mean the one by the woods located near the Skating Rink?”
Matt winked “Bingo!”
“So you guys want to go there? Today, right?”
Brandon and I nodded, “Pretty much.”
I could hear Sarah darting her hand inside her backpack, loud rustling sounds indicated that she was searching for something. Her mouth formed into a smile, digging out a Polaroid camera out of her now disorganized backpack. “Here! Unfortunately I can't join you guys for your adventure, cuz of Journalism club. I hope this helps.” Sarah plopped the camera in my hands, it weighed a bit in my hands.
“Thanks, Sarah!” I signed in gratitude, fascinated by how it felt in my hands.
“No problem. Just be careful with it. My grandma got it for me on my birthday, okay?”
“Deal. If somehow my fat ass breaks it, you can definitely press charges.” Matt held up his hand as he made an oath. I couldn't help but laugh, while Sarah let out a worrisome whine.
Sarah shook her head with a defeated smile, placing her pink colored nail finger on her teeth. “Ah, I love you guys already.”
“Same-uh I mean nice,” Brandon exchanged a glance with me, sweat dripping in his temple. "Okay," he said, his voice gentle. "Let's go after school.”
We finished our lunches in comfortable silence, my mind racing with anticipation and trepidation. I knew visiting the shed would bring back painful memories, but I needed to face them head-on.
After school, around 6pm we made our way to the shed, located in a secluded area near the skating rink. The sun was low in the sky, casting long shadows that danced eerily in the breeze. We approached the dilapidated structure, my heart began to pound in my chest. This was the place where I had been held captive, where I had endured unimaginable horrors. Where I saw that video of Karla.
Matt placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. "You don't have to go in if you don't want to, Lily. We can just show you the outside."
I shook my head, steeling myself. "No, I want to see it all. I need to."
Brandon opened the creaking door, and we stepped inside, the musty air thick with memories. The shed was empty now, but I could still feel the weight of the past lingering in the air. With Sarah's polaroid camera, I snapped a few photos. Matt grabbed the photos, shaking them up and down to see if the film developed.
I took a shaky breath, my eyes scanning the space. "This is where he kept me…” I trailed off, unable to continue. Brandon's arm slipped around my shoulders, offering silent support.
Matt's face was grim as he surveyed the shed. "We searched this place after you were found, but there was no sign of the kidnapper. It was like he vanished into thin air."
I nodded, my eyes fixed on the dusty floor. "He was careful. He always wore gloves, a mask... I never saw his face."
Brandon's voice was gentle. "But you heard his voice. Anything distinctive about it?"
I shook my head, my eyes stinging with unshed tears. "Just that it was deep and distorted, like he was using a voice changer or something.”
Brandon's jaw clenched, his fists balling at his sides. "We'll find him, Lily. I just know our dad's are going to do something about this."
I nodded, grateful for their determination. "Thank you, both. I know it's not easy for you either."
We stood in silence for a few moments, each of us lost in our thoughts. Finally, I took a deep breath, steeling myself. "Let's go. Being here brings back too many memories."
Matt squeezed my shoulder, his eyes understanding. "Of course, Lily. We can come back another time if you want, but for now, let's get the heck out of here.”
We stepped back into the fading light, the shed's creaking door closing behind us with a soft thud. I took a deep breath of the fresh air, grateful to be away from the suffocating confines of that place. Just to only feel a set of eyes watching me from the woods.
As we walked back towards town, Matt asked, "So, what's the plan for tonight? Movie night? We could do a horror flick, maybe something with Arnold Schwarzenegger."
I shook my head, signing, "No horror movies for me. I've had enough scares in real life."
Brandon laughed, punching Matt's arm playfully. "Come on, man, Lily's right. Let's go for a comedy or an action flick.”
Matt feigned hurt, his hand over his heart. "Fine, fine. No horror. But we're definitely watching 'Predator' next week. It's a classic."
I rolled my eyes, signing, "Fine. But only if we get pizza and ice cream."
Brandon grinned, rubbing his hands together. "Deal! Extra cheese and pepperoni for me."
That night, as we settled in for our movie night in my house. It was much closer, so I asked my Mom if Brandon and Matt could sleep over for the night. Mom was setting the pepperoni topped lasagna inside of the oven, as she said, “Sure they can stay! Just make sure you make them call their parents for permission, okay?”
“I will.” I assured my mother, before running back to the living. I hopped on one of the sofas, catching Brandon off guard.
“So…” Brandon and Matt asked.
“What happened?”
Matt brought up the topic of The Masked Man once again. "Lily, is there anything else you can remember about him? Any small detail could help us track him down."
I shook my head, my eyes fixed on the TV screen. "I've told you everything, Matt. I never saw his face, and his voice was distorted. I'm sorry."
Brandon spoke up, his eyes thoughtful. "What about his scent? Did he wear cologne or anything distinctive?"
I furrowed my brow, trying to recall. "I... I think he might have worn cologne. Something woody and musky. It was faint, but I remember catching a whiff of it a few times."
Matt's eyes lit up. "That's something! We can ask around, see if anyone recognizes that scent. It could be a crucial piece of the puzzle."
I nodded, a glimmer of hope sparking within me. "Okay. I'll try to remember more details. Maybe there's something else I've missed.”
The movie began, and we settled in, our bowls of popcorn and soda within reach. Funny enough after watching Forrest Gump, we had fallen asleep on top of each other. About three hours later, I woke up, disoriented, and realized I had fallen asleep on the couch with Brandon and Matt. Brandon was sleeping on the edge, his limbs dangling off the couch, while Matt was hugging me in his sleep. I carefully slipped out of Matt's arms, not wanting to wake him, and groggily walked towards the darkness of the kitchen.
The glass back door loomed in front of me, and I remembered the night before, my dad had recently started to put his deputies to watch over our house every night. I had felt safe with them, and that was the reason I wanted to invite Matt and Brandon to have a sleepover in my house.
I yawned and stretched, my eyes adjusting to the dim light. The kitchen was quiet, the only sound the ticking of the clock. I made my way to the back door, my heart pounding. I knew I shouldn't open it, but something compelled me to do so.
With trembling hands, I unlocked the door and stepped outside into the cool night air. The backyard was bathed in moonlight, and I felt a sense of peace wash over me. I took a deep breath, the scent of freshly cut grass filling my lungs.
Suddenly, I heard a noise. It sounded like a twig snapping. My heart raced, and I froze, my eyes scanning the yard. I couldn't see anyone, but I knew I wasn't alone.
"Who's there?” Signing cautiously, I wait for a response. It could have been a cat or dog walking around. However it sounded like a hard boot walking.
No answer. I took a cautious step backward, my heart pounding in my chest. Then, from the shadows, a figure emerged. It was tall and broad, dressed in black from head to toe. That same mask covered their face, obscuring their identity. It was him again.
I backed away, my heart pounding. "Stay away from me, please.” I tried to communicate with the figure, my fingers becoming slippery with sweat.
He didn't respond, but continued to advance, their steps slow and deliberate. I turned to run back inside, but the door was locked. I frantically tried the handle, my heart pounding in my ears.
"Let me in!" I frantically waved my hands and screamed an awful ear piercing screech. My fists furiously banging on the door.
The Masked Man was getting closer, and I knew I had to act fast. I searched for a weapon, my eyes landing on a garden rake leaning against the wall. I grabbed it and swung it at the figure, connecting with their arm. They let out a pained grunt, but didn't stop. I swung again, this time hitting their leg. They stumbled, but quickly recovered, their eyes fixed on me.
I backed away, my heart pounding. "Stay back!" I tried to shout, my voice scratchy and whistling. None of the words that came out of my mouth were incoherent. It was horrible, that even my own voice betrayed me.
The Masked Man lunged at me, and I swung the rake again, this time hitting them in the chest. They fell to the ground, and I took the opportunity to run back inside, locking the door behind me. I leaned against it, my breath coming in ragged gasps.
Brandon and Matt rushed into the kitchen, their eyes wide. "What happened? We heard you scream," Brandon said, his voice full of concern.
I signed, my hands shaking, "There was someone in the backyard. They tried to get in."
Matt looked out the window, his face pale. "I don't see anyone out there now. Are you sure it wasn't just a dream?"
I shook my head, my heart still pounding. "I'm sure. I hit them with the rake. They fell, but then they got back up and kept coming."
Brandon's eyes widened. "We need to call the police. This is serious, Lily."
I nodded, my hands still shaking. "Okay. But first, let's make sure all the doors and windows are locked. I don't want them getting in."
We spent the next few minutes checking every door and window in the house, making sure they were securely locked. My Dad and police arrived soon after, and we explained what had happened. They searched the backyard but found no sign of the intruder.
The officer took my statement, his face grim. He informed my Dad with instructions. "We'll increase patrols in the area, but in the meantime, stay vigilant. Keep your doors and windows locked, and be aware of your surroundings, Sheriff.”
“Thank you, Officer Devins,” My dad thanked the officer, before heading in my way. He looked at me with concern, before rubbing his eyes in a worried manner. “Hey Lilibee. You should go to sleep. Daddy's going to be staying awake for the night. It's to keep you safe.”
“Okay,” I hugged my father, my heart was still pounding from the encounter. That night, I had trouble sleeping, my mind replaying the events over and over. The Masked Man had found me again that night. I didn't know how or when, but he was back. I had a good feeling this wasn't his last appearance.
I hurried down the hallway, my heart pounding in my chest. It had been a long day, and I was eager to get this detention over with and go home. When I approached the office, I saw the old secretary, Mrs. Miller, gossiping on the phone, her eyes glued to her screen. I took the opportunity to slip past her unnoticed and make my way towards Dr. Wells' office.
The door was slightly ajar, and I knocked gently before pushing it open. Dr. Wells looked up from his laptop, a soft smile spreading across his face when he saw me.
"Lily, what a pleasant surprise," he signed, motioning for me to come in. "How are your painting classes going?"
I signed back, while sitting down on the couch. "They're going really well, thank you. I'm enjoying it a lot."
Dr. Wells laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "That's wonderful to hear. And how are you doing otherwise? Still dealing with the aftermath of what happened that day?"
I kicked my feet awkwardly, feeling a rush of emotions as I thought about the kidnapping. "I went back to the spot where he held me," I confessed. "I thought it would give me closure, but then I started having nightmares about him again."
Dr. Wells tilted his head, his expression concerned. "And how did that make you feel?" he asked gently.
I nervously averted my eyes to the paintings hanging on his walls, beautiful landscapes and abstracts in rich colors. "I thought I was doing better," I signed. "But then he came back again, and I realized I'm still scared. My dad is the sheriff, though, and he has cops outside my house, so I know I'm safe."
Dr. Wells' expression remained neutral, almost pensive. "It's good that you're taking precautions and seeking support," he said slowly, his lips twitching slightly as he formed the words. "I'm always here if you need to talk, Lily."
I nodded, feeling a wave of gratitude for this kind man. "Thank you, Dr. Wells," I signed. "By the way, why do they call you 'doctor'? I thought you were just the school counselor."
A soft laugh escaped his lips. "Well, I do have my doctorate degree in forensic psychology," he explained. "I often work with the police on cases, especially those involving youth. It can be quite fascinating, although it keeps me busy at night."
"No wonder you always look so tired," I teased, a smile playing at my lips. "Did you get the degree to impress all the ladies?"
Dr. Wells laughed heartily, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "Maybe," he joked. "Or maybe I just wanted to pay off my student loans someday."
Changing the subject, he stood up and opened a small fridge behind his desk. "Speaking of which, are you hungry? I have some bacon-chicken salads here if you'd like one."
"Sure," I signed, my stomach rumbling at the mention of food.
Dr. Wells pulled out two plates, each with a generous serving of salad. He handed one to me and took a seat across from me at the small table in the corner of his office. I dug into the salad, and it was delicious—the perfect combination of crispy bacon, tender chicken, and fresh greens. I savored every bite, feeling grateful for this unexpected meal.
As I popped a slice of hard-boiled egg into my mouth, Dr. Wells asked, "So, Lily, do you have detention today?"
I nodded, signing, "Yes, I do. I got into a bit of trouble for vaping, so I have to serve an hour of detention with Ms. Asinley."
Dr. Wells' expression softened. "I'm sorry to hear that," he said sincerely. "I hope it goes well. Just remember that I'm here if you need any support or if you want to talk about anything."
"Thanks, Dr. Wells," I said, feeling a warm blush spread across my cheeks. "You're so sweet."
Before I knew it, an hour had passed, and it was time for me to head to my detention. I stood up, stretching my legs, and bid Dr. Wells goodbye, feeling a sense of warmth and contentment in my heart.
"Take care, Lily," Dr. Wells signed, his eyes warm and friendly. "Remember, I'll always keep an eye out for you."
I smiled and waved as I left his office, feeling a boost of confidence. Dr. Wells had a way of making me feel like everything was going to be alright. Making my way down the hallway towards the U.S. history room, I spotted Ms. Asinley, the pregnant teacher who was overseeing my detention. She smiled at me gently and motioned for me to take a seat wherever I liked.
The room was quiet, with only a few other students serving detention that day. I chose a desk by the window, the afternoon sunlight streaming in and warming my face. I pulled out my algebra homework and began to work, grateful for the peaceful atmosphere.
Ms. Asinley walked over to my desk, her hands resting gently on her swollen belly. "How are you doing today, Lily?" she asked softly, her eyes kind. "Is there anything I can help you with?"
I shook my head, signing, "No, thank you, Ms. Asinley. I'm just working on my algebra homework. It's nice to have a quiet place to focus."
She smiled and patted my shoulder gently. "You know where to find me if you need anything," she said, before moving on to check on the other students.
I settled into my work, grateful for this unexpected moment of calmness. As I worked through the equations, I felt a sense of satisfaction and peace wash over me. Detention didn't seem so bad as I thought, and I was making good progress on my missing assignments. That was until the door burst open, and two figures stormed in, bringing with them a gust of fresh air and the scent of grass and sweat.
Alyssa and Emma, dressed in their red and black soccer uniforms, strode into the room, their faces flushed from practice. "Hey, Ms. Asinley," Emma called out, waving a paper assignment in her hand. "Sorry this is late. I completely forgot about it."
Ms. Asinley, her hands resting comfortably on her pregnant belly, smiled brightly at the girls. "It's quite alright, Emma. No need to apologize." She took the assignment from Emma and made a note in her book.
Alyssa, her eyes sparkling with curiosity, turned to Ms. Asinley and asked, "So, when's the baby coming? You must be getting close, right?"
Ms. Asinley's face lit up, and she placed a gentle hand on her belly. "I'm due in about four months," she replied, her voice warm and happy. "I might start planning the baby shower soon, although I think I'll wait until I'm closer to seven months."
"Ooh, a baby shower!" Alyssa exclaimed, her eyes shining with excitement. "I can't wait! I love babies."
Emma smiled at her friend's enthusiasm and added, "We'll definitely be there. Just let us know when and where."
Ms. Asinley thanked them, and the two girls were heading to the door, still chatting excitedly about the upcoming baby shower. Alyssa caught my eye and waved before leaving the class. I waved back, feeling a sense of warmth despite my earlier envy. Alyssa had always been surprisingly friendly to me, and I never quite understood why. Honestly, I was just an asshole as a kid, and I wished I didn't need to be this way.
As I shifted in my seat, I realized I needed to use the bathroom. I raised my hand and caught Ms. Asinley's attention. "May I please be excused to go to the restroom?" I signed, feeling a bit self-conscious.
Ms. Asinley nodded and signed, "Of course, Lily. Take your time."
I gathered my things and headed out of the classroom, grateful for the opportunity to stretch my legs. As I walked down the empty hallway, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being watched. I told myself it was just my imagination running wild after last night's incident, but the atmosphere felt off.
I quickened my pace, eager to reach the girl's bathroom at the end of the hall. As I pushed open the door, I spotted a familiar figure—Mandy, one of the popular girls from my grade. She was taking a drag from a raspberry lemonade Juul, the sweet-smelling vapor hanging in the air.
"So, you're the one who showed the video to Principal Kelly," I signed, my eyes narrowing.
Mandy froze, her eyes widening in surprise. "Who told you that?" she demanded, her voice shaking.
I shrugged, signing, "Does it matter? You should be careful, Mandy. Maybe it's your turn to face the consequences now."
Mandy's face paled, and she took a step towards me, her voice urgent. "You can't tell Principal Kelly about this, Lily. You just can't."
I crossed my arms, a challenge in my eyes. "Why not?" I asked.
Before Mandy could respond, a bloodcurdling scream tore through the bathroom, causing us both to jump. Mandy grabbed my hand, her eyes wild with fear. She dragged me out of the bathroom, our footsteps echoed through the halls. “Come with me! Now!"
I followed her, my heart pounding in my chest. We ran down the hall, Mandy's grip tight on my hand. "What happened?" I frantically signed.
"There's a man—a masked man. He was peeking at us through the gap in the stall door," she whispered, her voice shaking.
My heart hammered in my chest as I frantically signed, "What? Are you serious?"
Mandy nodded, her eyes darting around the bathroom nervously. "We have to tell an adult," I signed, taking a step towards the door.
"No!" Mandy hissed, pulling me back. "We can't. He could still be out there. We need to hide."
I felt a rush of fear as I realized the gravity of the situation. "Where can we go?" I asked, my eyes scanning the bathroom for a possible hiding place.
Mandy grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door. "Come on, we have to get out of here. We'll find a teacher and alert them, but we can't stay here."
I followed Mandy, my heart pounding in my chest. We rushed down the hallway, our eyes darting around, searching for any sign of the masked man. The school felt eerily quiet, the afternoon sun casting long shadows on the walls.
Mandy led me towards the gymnasium, her eyes darting around nervously. "In here," she whispered, pushing open the door. "Hide in the storage closet near the mats. I'll try to find a teacher and come back for you."
I nodded, my heart racing as I stepped into the dimly lit gymnasium. The large space felt oppressive in the fading light, the rumble of the air conditioning adding to the eerie atmosphere. I hurried over to the storage closet and slipped inside, pulling the door shut behind me.
The closet was small and cramped, filled with stacks of mats and sports equipment. I sat down, hugging my knees to my chest, and tried to calm my racing heart. The darkness and the constant rumbling noise made me feel on edge, and I found myself straining to listen for any signs of Mandy's return.
As the minutes ticked by, I became increasingly aware of the need to use the bathroom. The urge to pee was plaguing me, and I shifted uncomfortably, willing my bladder to cooperate. The darkness and the silence, broken only by the hum of the air conditioning, made the time feel endless. Just as I thought I couldn't take it anymore, I heard the door to the gymnasium open. I perked up, my heart racing as I waited for Mandy to enter. But it wasn't Mandy who stepped into the room.
The Masked Man stood in the doorway, his blood-smeared mask sending a chill down my spine. He crouched down, his eyes locking with mine, and placed something metal on the ground—Mandy's brow piercing.
Just as he walked away, almost like a cat dropping off a dead mouse, I felt a warm release between my legs. I had lost control of my bladder, the warm liquid spreading across my pants and soaking through to the floor. I felt a wave of embarrassment wash over me, and I could do nothing to stop it. However, I was scared shit less to even react, and there I knew Mandy was gone.
Soon enough, the next day, the gym teacher, Mr. Woods, and his male gymnastics students were checking on the mats when they made a gruesome discovery. One of the gymnasts unfolded a mat, and there, wrapped up like a present, was fifteen-year-old Mandy Lake. Her jaw was ripped open, her ribs shattered, and her nails were peeling off, almost as if she had been clawing at a hard surface. Similar to Karla, Mandy's larynx was missing, ripped out of her throat.
Just like Karla Reyes….
I later found out why Mandy hadn't wanted me to tell the principal about her situation. You see, Mandy came from a single-mother household, and her mother worked at an adult-themed diner. Some busybody neighbors thought this wasn't a good influence on the children and called Child Protective Services, or CPS, on Ms. Lake.
Thankfully, CPS saw no issue with the situation. However, if Mandy were to cause any trouble or draw negative attention, it could risk not only her but also her siblings being taken away. Mandy was like a second mother to those kids, and her death hit Ms. Lake hard. Last time I heard of Ms. Lake was about a year ago. She was battling with a methamphetamine addiction, and that resulted in her death. All because of me. All because of him.
In the end, Mandy Lake was the second victim, but wasn't the last one. They're are 6 Choir Girls left.

I’ll start from the beginning. When I was 11-13, I did my Art GCSE. She joined about midway through for whatever reason. I knew her a little bit before that via a homeschool meet-up group, but I wasn’t really friends with her. I gradually got to know her a little bit over the course of the remaining GCSE and we became fairly friendly.
The GCSE ended when I was 13, and so I stopped seeing her regularly. Flashforward to when we are both 16, several years later. We met up again almost completely by accident. We were both helping out and watching the filming of a local film. I was very surprised to see her after all this time. We hit it off and started to catch up on our lives since we had last seen each other. Filming lasted several hours and since her house wasn’t far, she invited me over for some food afterwards because I hadn’t eaten. Her and her mom were most accommodating and very sweet.
We continued to meet up, and after a few weeks I mustered up the courage to ask her out. Over text. Don’t know if that’s how I should have done it, but I did. I made my intentions very clear I wanted to take her out. She took about a day to respond to me, and in the kindest way possible said that she just wanted to be friends. I waved it off at the time and have since never mentioned it.
5 months later or so have built a decent friendship. She’s definitely becoming more comfortable around me, joking around a lot more. I am considering weather to ask her out again (this time in person).
From what I can tell we clearly have a lot in common. We were both homeschooled, we both like watching films together and chatting, we both are big fans of Family Guy and we both are very creative people with a love of art.
She’s one of the kindest, sweetest people I have ever meet and she always likes to hear what I have to say. She laughs quite a lot when she is around me and we a couple of inside jokes.
Problem is I can’t gage if she actually LIKES me likes me or if she I just being a good friend. I am scared it is the second option and if it is that might make our friendship a bit awkward, she already having said no in the past.
I really like her and I think she is just terrific. Any advice or opinions the situation would be greatly appreciated.
PS. Sorry if there are any typos. 😊

I had always remembered my deeply rooted envy at a girl at my old high school. Alyssa Howard, Home Room 207. It hadn't been long since I graduated there. I was in Class of '22, in a homeroom that I simply didn't fit in. It was isolating since everyone in my homeroom was in groups of friends, everyone was their own designated groups. Alyssa was in the Choir group, consisting of 8 girls. They were girls that were a part of Choir Class, an elective that made no sense why I took it. Along with Alyssa Howard, there was Brianne Becker, Fiona Figueroa, Leslie Smith, Hannah Klidford, Emma Kelly, Mandy Lake, and... Karla Reyes. Karla Reyes was one of them I knew very well. In fact she is the reason why I'm typing this out.
Karla was my childhood friend, we met in 5th grade. Her family was from around Texas, and she recently moved to this small town of Meadows Dale. I didn't have friends at that age since most kids thought I was...well weird. I didn't comprehend why I was weird to them at the time, I just simply thought I wasn't cool enough. I remember vividly that I was walking far from the rusty playground, to a hill that pretty much if going more up north, you'll be at the Centennial Park of the town.
That sunny day in 5th grade felt like it was just yesterday. I was walking up a hill, my Elsa shoes making every step feel like a chore. I sighed, looking down at my shoes, feeling embarrassed that my mom had gotten them for me. All the other kids in my grade were wearing Converse or cool sneakers, and here I was, stuck with sparkly, princess-themed shoes. I flopped down on the grassy ground, feeling like the biggest outcast in the world.
I sat there, lost in my own thoughts, I noticed a girl with dark hair and tan skin walking towards me. She looked a bit nervous, fidgeting with her hands as she approached. I recognized her from my homeroom class.
"Hey," she said, trying to sound casual. "These hills look like a pair of butt cheeks, don't they?" She giggled, and I couldn't help but laugh too.
I signed back to her, using my hands to mimic the shape of hills and then making a silly face to show that, yes, they did look like butt cheeks. Karla laughed, and I was surprised. Not many people in my class knew sign language, and it was nice to have someone to communicate with in my own way.
"Do you know sign language?" I signed, curiosity getting the better of me.
Karla nodded, her dark hair bobbing up and down. "Yeah, my aunt was born deaf, so I learned to communicate with her."
I signed back, asking her if she thought it was cool that I knew sign language too.
Karla grinned. "Yeah, that's really cool! I'm Karla, by the way."
“Lily,” I signed my name, and Karla sat down next to me on the grass. We chatted for the rest of recess, discovering that we had a lot in common. We both loved DreamWorks movies better than Disney, and our favorite music group was Fifth Harmony. I was obsessed with them back then, and Karla was too. We both wanted to be like Camila Cabello when we grew up.
From that day on, Karla and I were inseparable. We'd sit together at lunch, partner up for group projects, and even started a Fifth Harmony fan club in our class. Karla would always lend me an earbud so we could jam out to our favorite songs together. Our friendship was effortless, and I felt like I'd finally found someone who understood me.
It was perfect until the start of Freshman year of Meadows Dale High School. I held my scheduler tightly in my hands as I climbed the stairs to the kitchen, my stomach twisted in knots. My heart sank as I scanned the pages, taking in the fact that most of my classes were designated for students with special educational needs. Homeroom and choir were the only exceptions.
I made my way to the living room where my mom was seated, tears brimming in my eyes. "Mom, why do I have to take these classes?" I signed, frustration etched on my features. "I don't need this kind of help. I can handle regular classes just fine."
My mom looked at the schedule, her expression sympathetic. "I know you don't seem to need help, sweetie, but the school requires you to take these classes. It's just protocol."
I sighed, feeling a wave of frustration wash over me. "I'm going to feel like even more of a freak than I already do," I gestured angrily, trying to hold back tears.
From the living room doorway, my father's deep voice cut through the silence. His ears perked up from the conversation. "Hey, kiddo, what's going on?" he asked, his voice gentle.
I signed again, rapidly gesturing my fingers "I don't want to take Special ED classes, Dad. I can do normal classes. I can hear the teachers very well!"
My dad walked over to us, his eyes scanning the schedule. "I know it's tough, Lily, but the school is just trying to help. Plus, You're not a freak. Not in our eyes, anyway. If anybody gives you trouble, I'll personally see to it that they regret it." His tone was lighthearted, but his meaning was clear. He was the sheriff, after all, and his reputation preceded him.
I rolled my eyes, signing, "Dad, please. You're only making things worse."
Ignoring my pleas, he ruffled my hair affectionately before leaving the room. I retreated to my bedroom, collapsing onto my bed in a heap of tears. The night passed in a blur, and soon enough, it was time for me to wake up and face another day.
I woke up to the sound of my dad calling me from downstairs. "Lily, time to get up! First day of school!" I groggily got out of bed, still feeling the emotional hangover from the night before.
My dad drove me to school in his police cruiser, which only added to my embarrassment. I remembered feeling weird being in the cruiser, with its flashing lights and sirens. As we pulled up to the school, my dad turned to me and said, "No matter what, you'll always have me and Mom, okay? We love you, and we're proud of you."
He hugged me tight, and I felt a lump in my throat again. I nodded, trying to hold back tears, and got out of the car. Finally me into the world of Meadows Dale High School.
The enormity of the building hit me hard as I stepped inside. The halls were bustling with activity, and the noise level was overwhelming. The classes flew by, and I couldn't help but feel like my Special ED classes were too easy for me. The teacher aides were sweet, but they were busy helping other students, leaving me to feel like I was just going through the motions.
As I walked out of my Literature class, I noticed a boy sitting alone next to a locker. He had ginger hair and was a bit overweight, and he was using a big headset to listen to music. There was something about him that drew me in, so I walked over to say hi.
He removed his headphones, looking up at me with a nervous smile. "Hi," he said, his voice a little shaky.
I signed back, "Hi."
He laughed, a little awkwardly. "Sorry if I'm a bit awkward. I'm not really used to talking to people."
I signed, "You're not awkward at all."
He smiled, looking relieved. "Thanks. I'm Matt Weston."
I nodded, signing, "I'm Lily."
Matt's eyes lit up. "Sweet. What's your homeroom?"
"207."
Matt's face brightened up. "No way, that's my homeroom too!"
I smiled, feeling a sense of excitement. "That's amazing!"
Matt stood up, walking towards a bookshelf. "Homeroom's next class. Want to walk with me?"
I nodded, following him as the bell rang. We exited the class, and suddenly we were swept up in a sea of students pushing and shoving to get to their next class.
We finally arrived at class 207, which was already filled with students. I saw Alyssa sitting in the back with her group of friends, looking like a star athlete. Matt went to sit in the front seat, and I sat next to him.
Just as we were settling in, one of the guys from Jr high football, Ryan Peterson, hit a football at Matt, saying, "Can't believe we got 'Butterball' in our class."
Matt rolled his eyes, saying, "At least I don't have a father who cheats and spreads gonorrhea."
Ryan's friend, Warren, said, "Ohhh sick burn,"
Ryan huffed, whispering to Matt, "Just because you're special doesn't mean everybody likes you."
I got mad, flipping Ryan the finger, which made him laugh. "You're lucky I ain't telling the teacher, because I don't want any issues with your old man!" Ryan walked away with Warren, leaving me feeling annoyed.
The homeroom teacher arrived, a young guy in his 20s with cedar brown hair and a pair of glasses. "Hello Students! Like that you are all sitting in neatly placed groups. My name's Mr. James and I'll be your homeroom teacher for Freshmen till Senior Year. Hope you excited as I am!"
Just as he was about to start writing on the white board, a beautifully dressed Karla emerged late, looking older and more mature with a lot of makeup on. I looked up, happy to see her, only for her to not notice me and sit down next to Alyssa's group.
Matt whispered to me, "Do you know that girl?"
I signed, "No."
Matt nodded, looking curious. "She looks familiar, but I don't know her name. Was it Kayla or Karly?"
"It's Karla," I shrugged, feeling a pang of disappointment. It seemed like Karla had moved on to a new group of friends, leaving me behind. I don't know how this change happened, since Karla and I went on a trip to Orlando, Florida, three weeks ago. I thought we had the best of our life's during that trip.
I was stumped, watching from afar as Karla chatted with Alyssa and her friends. I felt a twinge of jealousy and sadness as I realized how easily Karla had seemingly moved on and found a new group to hang out with. I mean, I thought we were best friends. It felt like Alyssa had stolen her from me.
I turned my attention elsewhere, not wanting to dwell on it. That's when I noticed a teenage boy sitting alone a few rows in front of me. He had jet black hair and there was something familiar about him, although I couldn't quite place it. I wondered who he was and why he was sitting alone.
"Hey, Lily," Matt said, following my gaze. "Do you know that guy? He looks kind of like a mini Detective Loomis."
I shook my head, signing that I had no idea who he was, but now I was curious too. Detective Loomis had been a family friend for years, and I knew he had a son, but I hadn't seen him in a while.
Matt chuckled nervously and waved his hand as if to dismiss his own question. "Just wondering. He kind of looks like him, that's all."
Just then, the boy turned around in his seat and our eyes met. He raised an eyebrow, clearly having overheard our conversation. "Yeah, that's my dad," he said, a hint of challenge in his voice. "Why?"
Matt shifted uncomfortably in his seat, clearly not expecting such a direct response. "Oh, um, no reason. Just curious, that's all."
The boy, Brandon Loomis, as I now knew him to be, nodded slowly, as if accepting Matt's explanation. Then, to my surprise, he introduced himself with a small smile. "Brandon Loomis. And you are...?"
"Lily Anderson. Nice to meet you, Brandon."
“I'm Matt by the way,” Matt chimed in.
A flash of something—was it pain?—crossed Brandon's face, but it was quickly replaced with a smile. "Nice to meet you both. Your dad's a good man, Lily. He helped me out a lot."
I could only imagine what Brandon had been through. I remembered hearing snippets about his kidnapping a while back, but I had no idea what he must have endured. No wonder he hadn't been in school until now.
"Well, I hope the rest of the year goes well for you," I signed sincerely.
Brandon smiled at me again, and I felt a warm glow spread through my chest. "Thanks, Lily. I hope so too."
As the homeroom continued, Mr. James had us all introduce ourselves and played some icebreaker games to help us get to know each other better. It was actually kind of fun, and it took my mind off Karla and her new friends for a while.
One of the things we had to do was share a fun fact about ourselves. When it was Matt's turn, he revealed that he was the son of Mayor Weston and a great friend of my dad's. No wonder he seemed so familiar! I knew my dad would be thrilled to hear that Matt and I had become friends.
Before I knew it, the homeroom was over, and Matt, Brandon, and I headed out into the hallway together. I was relieved to find out that we all had B lunch, so I wouldn't have to eat alone.
"So, where do you guys usually eat?" Brandon asked as we made our way down the crowded hallway.
"I don't know about Lily, but I usually just grab something from the cafeteria and eat outside," Matt replied.
I signed, "That sounds good to me. I like being outdoors."
Brandon nodded. "Yeah, me too. Although, I usually eat my lunch at Dillard's Diner since I work there after school. You guys should come by sometime. The food's pretty great."
"Definitely!" Matt said enthusiastically. "I love diner food. And hey, maybe we can even help you out sometime if you're short-staffed."
Brandon laughed. "Sure, why not? It can get pretty crazy on the weekends, so any extra hands would be appreciated."
As we made our way to the cafeteria, Matt started talking about his favorite band, Deftones. I had to admit, their music was a little too heavy for my tastes, but Matt was so passionate about it that I found myself getting drawn in.
"You know, you should check out their album 'White Pony,'" Matt said. "It's a classic. My dad actually introduced me to them, and I've been hooked ever since."
I signed with a smile, "My dad's always trying to get me into his favorite bands too. He's a big fan of The Beatles and Queen."
"Oh, those are classics," Brandon chimed in. "My dad's more of a country music guy, but I've definitely grown to appreciate some of the older stuff."
While we ate lunch, I pulled out my sketchbook and started drawing, something I often did when I was feeling nervous or needed a distraction. Matt and Brandon were curious and asked to see my drawings. I showed them some of my anime-style sketches, and they both complimented my work.
"Wow, Lily, these are amazing!" Matt exclaimed. "You're gonna be like Picasso one day."
I signed, feeling my face heat up with embarrassment. "Thanks, Matt. That's really nice of you to say."
Brandon nodded in agreement. "Seriously, you're really talented. I wish I could draw like that."
As lunch came to an end, Matt and Brandon suggested that they walk me to my next class. I was surprised but pleased that they wanted to stick together. My next class was Choir, and thankfully, it was just down the hall.
"So, Lily, do you sing?" Brandon asked as we walked.
I signed, feeling a little self-conscious. "A little. I mean, I really want to sing, but I'm not sure I'm any good."
"Don't be shy, Lily," Matt said with a grin. "I bet you have a great voice."
I felt my face flush again, but I was glad that Matt and Brandon seemed so supportive. As we reached the choir room, I took a deep breath and prepared myself for whatever the class might bring. I slowly pushed open the door to the choir room, unsure of what to expect. The room was dark, but as my eyes adjusted, I could make out the outlines of rows of chairs facing a small stage. The room had a strange beauty to it, with its blue and white color scheme and intricate design carvings. I made my way to an empty chair near the exit, wanting to keep a low profile.
Before long, a flood of girls began to pour into the room, chattering and laughing. I recognized many of them from the Meadows Dale Advanced Academic Program. My heart sank a little as I spotted Brianne Becker, one of the most popular girls in school, deep in conversation with Meg Peterson. They were giggling about some guy they both apparently liked. Brianne's eyes suddenly landed on me, and her smile faded. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, feeling self-conscious under her gaze.
Alyssa entered the room, and the atmosphere seemed to brighten. Brianne's face lit up, and she rushed over to give Alyssa a hug. "I'm so happy you're in this class!" she exclaimed. Alyssa smiled back, her warm hazel eyes shining. I felt a small sense of relief seeing her friendly face.
Following Alyssa were Mandy, Fiona, Leslie, Hannah, Emma, and Karla. They all seemed to be deep in their own conversations, and I felt even more alone. Karla was telling Fiona about getting her nails done, and Fiona was expressing her dislike for acrylics. I stood up and waved at Karla, trying to get her attention. She had been one of my few friends in middle school, but something had changed between us lately.
Alyssa, however, made her way over to me and offered a genuine greeting. "Hi, Lily! It's so great to see you in this class," she said, her eyes sparkling with sincerity. I felt a small smile tug at my lips. At least there was one person here who didn't seem to mind my presence.
Entering through the red velvety curtains of the stage, a woman with brunette hair, who looked to be in her early 40s, emerged from behind the stage. She had an air of enthusiasm about her as she introduced herself as Mrs. Becker, Brianne's mother. I remembered hearing that they were related, and at the time, I had thought it was sweet that a mother and daughter shared the same class.
Mrs. Becker instructed us all to take our seats and explained that this class was for girls only. She then asked each of us to come up on stage and recite the Do-Mi-Re-Fa-So syllables so that she could group us into sections of eight. My heart sank as I realized I would have to sing in front of everyone.
One by one, Mrs. Becker called each girl up to the stage. Some of the girls had okay voices, while others were truly talented. Then it was Brianne's turn. Her voice was like an angel's, a beautiful soprano that filled the room. Fiona and Emma also impressed me with their deep, rich alto voices. Mandy, Leslie, and Hannah had high-pitched, yet well-controlled voices that blended beautifully.
Alyssa and Karla were the last to go, and they both had perfect voices. Alyssa's voice was like honey, smooth and warm. But it was Karla who really stood out. She sounded like a pop idol, her voice clear and powerful. I found myself getting lost in the music, forgetting my worries for a moment.
Then Mrs. Becker called my name, and my heart sank. I nervously made my way up the stairs to the stage, my hands trembling at my sides. I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. As I opened my mouth to sing, an awful, screeching noise escaped. My throat instantly sting, as the aftertaste of metallic overwhelmed my mouth. It was so bad that Mrs. Becker immediately cut me off.
"Why are you in this class, Lily?" she asked, a hint of annoyance in her voice.
I looked at her sadly and signed, "I don't know. I didn't choose this class."
Mrs. Becker softened a little, seeing my dejected expression. "Well, you better discuss these matters with a counselor about switching, because there are better candidates out there who want a spot in this class," she said bluntly.
I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment as I made my way back to my seat at the very back of the room. I could feel the eyes of the other girls on me, and I heard their stifled laughter. Karla's laughter rang out the loudest, stabbing me like a knife. Alyssa was the only one who didn't join in, her face a mask of disappointment. I wasn't sure if she was disappointed in me or in the other girls' behavior.
It was next week, I got out of my algebra class heading towards the office. I had to wait till Monday, since during the first few days, my assigned counselor was not available. I was already antsy of finally getting out of that Choir class, I couldn’t deal another day with a class I clearly didn’t fit in. My schedule in my hand, I pulled the door open, being greeted by the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip muffins. Nervousness ran through me, wondering what type of counselor Dr. Wells would be.
The door was wide agape, leading me into the source of that muffin smell. Sitting there on a working desk, was a man typing on his laptop. He looked a bit exhausted, almost to the point that he slumped on his chair. Tilting my head, I nudged on his shoulders, trying to shake him awake. I couldn’t help but feel warmth radiating in my cheeks.
“Huh? Oh, hello there Lily. What brings you here?” Dr. Wells jolted up, probably noticing how close I was to his face. I backed away, sitting down on a red couch next to him.
“I want to change classes please.”
Mr. Wells nodded off, scooting his chair back towards his mahogany desk. He searched up my schedule, turning his laptop to my view. “Oh, I see. In what class do you want to change?”
I nervously let out a breath, as I finally let out what emotions I was holding. “I don’t know why you assigned me Choir, but everyone in that class hates me. I really need that class changed, Dr. Wells.”
I saw my counselor's lip repeatedly twitched a bit, before he gathered his composure. Dr. Wells looked up from his desk, his kind face softening as he saw me. "Lily, I want to apologize profusely for putting you in that situation."
I signed, feeling a little comforted by his words. "It's okay. I did want to be in that class, but I just... I felt so out of place with all the other girls laughing at me."
Dr. Wells sighed and rubbed his temple. "I'm truly sorry, Lily. I was told you loved music and thought you would enjoy the class. But it's clear that it wasn't a good fit. Do you have another class in mind that you'd like to take instead?"
I nodded and signed, "Art class. I heard my friend Brandon is taking that, and I've always loved drawing."
Dr. Wells typed something into his laptop. “Consider it done. I'll have the change processed by tomorrow, if not sooner. In the meantime, help yourself to a muffin. The library teacher made them for me, and they're delicious."
I smiled and took one of the muffins, taking a bite. "Are you and the library teacher... a thing?" I asked, feeling a little bold.
Dr. Wells laughed, a deep, hearty sound that filled the room. "No, no, nothing like that. Just colleagues. She knows I have a sweet tooth, so she often shares her baking creations with me."
I felt a wave of relief wash over me. It was probably one of the few times I'd developed a crush on someone, and as usual, it was harmless and something I'd get over quickly. Dr. Wells was one of those crushes indeed. I stood up from my chair, feeling much better than when I arrived. "Well, thank you, Dr. Wells. I better head to class soon."
Dr. Wells smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Of course, Lily. And remember, if you ever need someone to chat with, my door is always open."
Later that day, during lunch, I made my way to our usual table with Brandon and Matt. They were already deep in conversation about their morning classes.
"PE is a nightmare," Matt was saying. "All the athletes make fun of me because I'm not as fast or strong as they are. It's frustrating."
Brandon nodded sympathetically. "I heard you beat Ryan on the pacer test, though. That's impressive."
Matt shrugged, taking a bite of his apple. "It was just luck, honestly. Ryan got too cocky and sprained his knee on the seventy-ninth lap. I just kept a steady pace.”
I signed to Matt, "You should still be proud. I bet your dad was happy."
Matt smiled. "He was. It's not every day I get to impress him, especially when it comes to sports. You know how Mayor Weston was a star athlete back in his day."
I laughed, and then took a bite of my sandwich. "Speaking of impressing people, I have some news. I'm switching out of choir class and into art elective. Hopefully, I'll be in the same class as you, Brandon."
Brandon's face lit up. "That's great! I'm so glad you'll be joining us. Art class is a lot of fun.”
Matt nodded in agreement. "I'm happy for you, Lily. But why are you leaving Choir? I thought you loved singing."
My smile faltered, and I looked down at my lap. "It's just... it's not the right fit for me," I signed.
Matt frowned, chewing on his apple. "Is Mrs. Becker too mean? I've heard she can be hard on students who aren't part of the popular crowd."
"No fair," I signed, my eyes pleading with him to understand.
Brandon nodded. "It really isn't fair, Matt. That's why I prefer to keep a low profile. Popularity contests aren't worth the hassle.”
Just then, I felt a tap on my shoulder, and I turned to see Karla standing there, a sad look on her face. "Lily, can I talk to you?" she asked, her voice soft and hesitant.
I hesitated, signing, "Why?”
With a strand of hair tucked behind her ear, she leaned in and whispered, "I want to talk to you in private."
I glanced at Matt and Brandon, signing, "I'll be back, okay?"
Matt nodded, his eyes curious. "We'll be here. Take your time."
I followed Karla to the girl's bathroom, my heart pounding in my chest. I wasn't sure what this was about, but I sensed it was important to her. Once we were inside, Karla pulled out a juul vape from her pocket and took a hit. The sweet smell of watermelon filled the air.
"Want a hit?" she offered, holding it out to me.
I was curious, so I signed, "Sure."
I took a cautious drag, expecting to choke, but surprisingly, I didn't. Karla laughed, "I guess you already know how to smoke. Not so innocent after all, huh?"
I rolled my eyes. "I learned from watching Effy in Skins. It's not like I've never seen it before."
Karla laughed again, a genuine sound that seemed to break through the tension between us. "Look, Lily, I wanted to apologize for what happened in the choir. I shouldn't have laughed. It was mean, and I'm sorry."
I stayed silent, unsure of how to respond. A part of me wanted to accept her apology, but another part was still hurt by her earlier behavior. Before I could say anything, Karla cut in, "I know it doesn't make up for it, but I want to make it up to you. How about I take you to the skating rink this evening? It's one of our favorite places, remember?"
I hesitated, considering her offer. Finally, I signed, "Okay, I guess."
Karla's face lit up, and she gave me a quick hug. "Great! I'll text you the details. See you later, okay?" And with that, she left the bathroom, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I walked back to the cafeteria, my mind racing. Matt rushed over to me, his eyes full of questions. "How did it go? What did she want?" he asked.
"It went okay," I replied, signing as I continued. "Karla invited me to the skating rink this evening."
Brandon's eyebrows furrowed. "I don't know, Lily. Karla hangs out with those choir girls. I don't think we can trust her, especially after what happened."
I bit my lip, understanding his concern. "What if I sneak you and Matt in too? That way, if anything goes south, we'll be together."
Matt's eyes lit up. "That's a brilliant idea! I'm in."
A small smile tugged at my lips. "It's settled, then. We're going skating."
That afternoon, I waited on the porch for Karla to pick me up. The sun was starting to set, casting a warm glow over everything. My dad emerged from the house, dressed in his sheriff's uniform. "Why are you wearing your uniform on your day off?" I asked, curious.
He chuckled, patting my back. "Got called into work. Something strange is going on. Don't worry, I'll be fine."
I signed, "Be safe, Dad."
“I will, honey. Have fun with Karla, okay.” He smiled and gave me a thumbs-up before heading off. A minute later, a black Chevy pulled up, and I recognized it as Mrs. Becker's car. Karla leaned out the window and waved me over.
I took a deep breath and climbed into the back seat. Besides Karla, there were a few other girls from the choir class—Mandy, Hannah, Emma, Leslie, Fiona, and Brianne. Alyssa was noticeably absent.
Noticing my curious glance, Karla explained, "Alyssa had track practice. She couldn't make it."
I signed, "That's nice."
Brianne turned to Mrs. Becker and asked, "Can we get some McDonald's shakes? Please?"
Mrs. Becker smiled. "Of course, sweetie. Does anyone else want one?"
Everyone nodded eagerly, and Mrs. Becker placed an order for nine shakes. Emma and Leslie wanted vanilla, Brianne wanted the seasonal spice pumpkin flavor, Hannah and Fiona requested strawberry, Karla and Mandy chose chocolate, and Mrs. Becker asked about my preference.
"Mint, please," I said, making a gesture of a mint leaf.
Mrs. Becker smiled. "Mint it is. Anything for my girls."
I felt a warm glow spread through me. Maybe, just maybe, they were starting to like me. I took a long sip of my mint shake, savoring the cool, refreshing taste.
"Chocolate is definitely the best flavor," Mandy declared, taking a sip from her own shake. "Nothing beats the classic."
"Pumpkin spice is where it's at," Brianne interjected, taking a sip of her pumpkin spice shake. "It's got that perfect blend of sweet and spicy. It's like autumn in a bite."
"Are you kidding?" Mandy scoffed. "Chocolate is timeless. It's the ultimate comfort food. Pumpkin spice is just a fad.”
"Oh c'mon! Pumpkin spice is leagues better," Brianne retorted. "It's a limited edition for a reason."
The other girls joined in, each defending their favorite flavor. I snickered at their playful bickering, feeling a sense of warmth despite the earlier tension.
About ten minutes later, Mrs. Becker pulled into the parking lot of a magenta-colored building. The girls piled out of the car, and I followed them inside, curious about our destination. Mrs. Becker turned to Brianne and said, "I'll pick you girls up at 8 pm sharp. I need to head home and take care of your little sister."
Brianne gave her mom a quick hug and yelled out, "Okay! Love you, mom!" Then she joined the choir group, whispering something in Karla's ear that made her smile in an unsettling way.
Karla walked over to me and whispered, "Hey, Lily, I want to take you to our hiding spot. It's been a while since we hung out there."
I brightened at the idea, signing, "I've missed that place. We used to act like it was our studio booth."
“Uh-huh,” Karla led me to an abandoned janitor's closet that was blocked off with a "Do Not Enter" sign. She opened the door, and I slid inside, feeling a rush of nostalgia. I slid inside the small, dimly lit closet and sat criss-cross on the floor, my heart racing with anticipation. Karla joined me, and for a moment, we just sat there, our knees touching, the silence comfortable between us.
"I've missed you, Lily," Karla signed, her expression softening.
"I've missed you too," I signed back, my heart warming at the sentiment. "It feels like it's been ages since we really talked." I looked down, my smile fading slightly. "I've missed the old Karla. The one who was always on my side, no matter what."
Karla furrowed her eyebrows, her face a mask of confusion. "What do you mean? I haven't changed, Lily. I've just matured."
I scoffed, shaking my head. "Matured? Making fun of someone less popular than you isn't mature, Karla. It's just mean spirited."
Her eyes widened at my words, and I could see the hurt flash across her face. "I haven't been making fun of you, Lily. I—"
"Yes, you have," I interrupted, my anger bubbling to the surface. "I know exactly what you and your new friends have been trying to do. You've been pretending I don't exist, like I'm not even worth acknowledging.”
Karla's face contorted with frustration. "That's not true, Lily! You always have to make everything about your disability. If anyone's changed, it's you. You used to be so happy, always laughing and joking around. Now, you just cry and complain when things don't go your way."
I signed angrily, my hands moving frantically. "How can you say that, Karla? I don't mind if you want to be more popular, but you're acting like you don't even know me. You're trying to pretend we're not friends."
Her eyes filled with tears, and her voice shook. "Maybe I don't want to be friends with you anymore, Lily. Maybe you're too held up in the past, too stuck in your own little world. You're a sad, pathetic sap, and I—"
Before she could finish her sentence, I punched her squarely in the face. The force of the blow knocked her back, and she stumbled, her hand flying to her nose.
"I wish I'd never met you, Karla!" I angrily figured my fingers around, my breathing being audible in the small space. "I wish you'd never been my friend! I wouldn't care if you dropped dead right now!"
Karla's eyes widened in shock, and tears began to stream down her face. Without another word, she turned and ran out of the janitor's closet, leaving me alone in the dimly lit space. I trembled as I crouched down in the corner, my heart pounding in my chest. I had never hit anyone before, and now I wished I could take it back. It was rather immature of me to end that way with Karla. Especially when this was the last memory I had of her alive.
Suddenly, a blood-curdling scream pierced the silence, freezing me in place. It was Karla. My eyes widened in horror as I realized what I had done. I rose to my feet and ran out of the closet, my heart pounding in my chest. As I turned the corner, I came face to face with a masked man. He was tall and imposing, his mask was painted like a 1940s woman with green eyeshadow, vibrant red blush, and blood-red lips. His copper-blonde wig fell in sleek waves, contrasting with his all-black suit.
The man walked slowly towards me, his gloved hand reaching out. I kicked him in the abdomen, my fear fueling my strength. But he was too strong. He grabbed me by the waist, his gloved finger pressing against my lips.
"My little flower, I am so happy to see you." he whispered, his voice deep and gravelly.
Before I could scream or struggle, he covered my mouth with a rag. It took a while for the chloroform to finally take effect, as I remembered my last thoughts were about Karla. Sometimes I wished this encounter was just an elaborate prank played by Brianne. However it is never the case.
When I woke up, I woke up to the sound of a girl's voice, soft and melodic. My eyes felt heavy, my body sluggish as I tried to lift my head. The singing was familiar, reminding me of Karla. My heart stirred at the memory of my friend, and I tried to shake off the grogginess that clouded my mind.As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I realized I was restrained to a bed, my wrists and ankles bound. Panic surged through me, and I struggled against my bonds, my heart racing.
The singing continued, and I finally located the source—a television mounted on the wall across the room. My eyes widened as I recognized the singer. It was Karla, her face bruised and beaten, her eyes closed as she sang "Once Upon a December" from the animated movie "Anastasia." Her voice was shaky but serene, and tears pricked my eyes as I watched her performance.
I opened my mouth to scream, but only a weakened screech escaped my throat. I tugged at my restraints, desperation fueling my strength. I had to get out of here. I had to help Karla.
Catching me off guard, the door swung open, and the masked man from my encounter at the janitor's closet stepped into the room. My heart sank at the sight of him, and I shrunk back against the bed, my breath coming in short gasps.He carried a plate of applesauce, his gloved hands setting it down on a table by the bed. "Good morning, my little flower," he said, his voice deep and distorted by the mask. "Your friend has a lovely voice," he remarked. "Have you ever wanted to sing like that?”
I shook my head, my eyes never leaving his face. I mouthed the words, "Let her go.”
The Masked Man smiled sadly. "Your friend has been let go. Don't worry, she's no longer suffering.”
I wanted to scream, to demand that he release me, but my voice failed me. The masked man approached the bed, his eyes cold and unfeeling. He picked up the spoon and dipped it into the applesauce, then brought it to my mouth.
"Open up, sweetie," he cooed. "You need to keep up your strength."
I turned my head away, my body rigid with fear. I didn't want his help, I didn't want anything to do with him.
"Now, now, none of that," he chided, his gloved hand gently tilting my chin back towards him. "You need to eat. And one day, my little flower, you will sing too. And it will be the most beautiful voice anyone has ever heard."
Tears slipped down my cheeks as he forced the spoon into my mouth, the applesauce tasting bitter on my tongue. I choked down the food, my throat constricting with fear and anger.
The masked man set the plate down and pulled me into a tight embrace, his gloved hands stroking my hair. "Shh, my little flower. Everything will be alright. I'm here to take care of you."
I sobbed into his chest, my body shaking with grief and terror. I had no idea where I was, no concept of how much time had passed since I had been taken. All I knew was that Karla was in danger, and I was powerless to help her. The masked man held me until my sobs subsided, then gently laid me back down on the bed. "Rest now. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow."
With that, he turned and walked out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I closed my eyes, my mind reeling. The next time I woke, it was to the sound of my mother's sobs. I blinked groggily, my vision blurry as I tried to focus. I was in a hospital room, my mother sitting by my bedside, her face wet with tears. Matt and Brandon, my closest friends, were also there, their faces etched with concern.
"Mom?" I raised one of my hands, my fingers weak and stiff.
My mother's head snapped up, and she rushed to my side, her hands grasping mine. "Lily, oh, Lily, you're awake!" She smiled through her tears, her voice shaking. "I thought I'd lost you.”
I placed my palm to touch her cheek, my throat too dry to speak. Matt and Brandon stood by silently, their eyes filled with relief.
I then asked the big question, signing, "What... happened?"
Matt nervously stuttered, "We... We found you inside an old shed near the skating rink. You were... you were unconscious, and we called for help right away."
Brandon added, "Before that, you were missing for roughly 33 hours. We searched everywhere for you.” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat, unable to meet my gaze.
"You're safe now, Lily," my mother said, stroking my hair. "That's all that matters. There's nothing to worry about anymore."
I shook my head, my eyes flying open. Where was Karla? I signed, "Where's Karla?”
My mother's face crumpled, and fresh tears slid down her cheeks. "She's... she's still missing, Lily. We don't know where she is."
I closed my eyes, the weight of my guilt crushing me. If I hadn't fought with Karla, none of this would have happened. It was my fault she was still out there, alone and in danger.
The days turned into weeks, and Karla remained missing. The police conducted an extensive search, but there were no leads, no clues as to her whereabouts. I blamed myself, replaying the events of that fateful day over and over in my mind.Three weeks after my rescue, the news channel delivered a devastating blow. Karla Reyes, aged 15, had been found dead, her body buried near the Yellow Rock River. She had suffered multiple bone fractures, and the unsettling detail—she had been missing her vocal cords and larynx.
I recalled the day vividly, the sun shining brightly through my hospital window as the news anchor delivered the grim update. I had broken down, sobbing uncontrollably, the reality of what had happened hitting me like a ton of bricks. I remember wanting to just die, to pay for what I have done. If I hadn't had my friends Matt and Brandon, I wouldn't have been alive writing this. And yet, I never told anyone about The Masked Man or what had transpired that day—until now. Sometimes I wonder if Karla could hear my prayers, wishing that she deserved better than this, and I'm sorry for causing her death. I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what I needed to say next.
Karla Reyes may have been the first victim, but she certainly wasn't the last. There were 7 more Choirs Girls left.

Hey guys,
I am going to The Eras tour, so I started making friendship bracelets.
Do any of you know if I can create a simple spreadsheet where I can put how many of each letters I have (beads=letters :D), and then when I write a word in another column, the number decreases accordingly (by number of used beads) :)
Thanks.

So the friendship bracelet has finally returned and I NEED it. The downside? I absolutely despise SR. I'll play once a month to get the current gear, and during Big Run events. I do my best, but I know I'm probably most often the weakest link in my teams. I struggle to clear 3 waves, my current average is 1.4 waves...
My level varies from Profressional 1 to 3 depending on how the consecutive shifts go. I looked at some tips on other posts here as well as some videos on YouTube, but without coordination, it's a bit chaotic - especially when we all split up and just die each in our corner. So I guess I have a few questions:

• what are your tips and tricks that get you through freelance shifts?
• are there communities in Discord (or whatever) to farm scales? I don't want to be carried, I want to get better, and I feel like I'm stagnating without proper guidance. I'm a bit shy in voice chat and I have a French-Canadian accent, but it could work if it's the best option (and if some people would be so kind as to give a fellow squid a helping hand)
• I already have 1 gold scale so I'm missing 4 - I know I'll be here for a while - any idea how long it could take to farm 4 gold scales? I play daily and can easily cram at least 1 boss fight a day. I'll also play the crap out of the upcoming Big Big Run

Thanks in advance, I'll get out of your hair as soon as I get my remaining scales (unless a new love story with SR develops during this conquest)
Edit: I already have the first milestone in the Grizzco store - it's there and ready, i just don't have the funds.