Letters to boyfriends on birthdays

Unsent Letters

2011.03.30 16:39 HotDinnerBatman Unsent Letters

A place for the letter you never sent.
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2014.05.01 01:56 J0j2 Found Pieces of Paper

Photographs of found pieces of paper with writing on them, photographs or discarded cutouts. Appreciate the forgotten artifacts of everyday life. Share any paper that you found (on the ground, stuck in some bushes or between cans of soup at the store for example) and you do not know who wrote it. Love letters, doodles, interesting to-do or grocery lists, notes from the past - share your discovery with us!
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2011.03.18 22:47 noonches Dating for the Dating Impaired

Dating for the dating impaired. 18+ only. Positive comment karma required. Put your location in your title. Post flair is required and needs to be correct. No surveys or forms allowed. Don't be an ass and don't post a pic of yours.
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2024.06.02 16:57 Happy_Hippy_Hippo Other travel "fail" channels

(Adding to the comments below about other channels, and now that I've missed a birthday writing this, I should probably put this as it's own thread)
I love Kinging It because their origin story is very similar to mine (cancer, catastrophic injury, vowed to spend their life traveling). And they have done amazing charity work and also quite a lot of unique road trips: rickshaw in India, Mongol Rally, etc.
My favorite series was when they traveled around Europe in Custard for the first time. They were sponsored by Marco Polo travel guides and planned it all according to meeting the brand's expectations and requirements, and to me that was proper travel blogging, not just "here's our life, blah blah blah." I've been a travel journalist for 25+ years, so that's when I got into their channel. Now, though, it has become more of a daily life blog, which is alright, they are entertaining and funny, but a little overdramatic on the acting.
I've lost count how many channels have become "look at us fail" channels or totally gone out in left field. To name a few [FEEL FREE TO ADD TO THE LIST]
Granted there are about 60+ other channels I subscribe do that are still in line with their original direction, and there are a few daily vlog type channels I watch, but these are the ones that have really gone off course. The best channels (as with anything media) is to keep on topic. A cooking magazine should be about cooking and things related to cooking. Not including pages about fixing an engine, unless you're cooking a baked potato on one.
The roadmap seems to be: become vanlifer -> get AG1 to sponsor -> write a cookbook -> make merch -> sell van -> buy another one -> get a dog -> buy land -> sell van -> build off-grid house -> fail at everything with the house build -> have baby -> get another dog -> create AI thumbnails -> still claim to be a minimalist nomad who doesn't buy into mainstream society -> be totally reliant on mainstream society
submitted by Happy_Hippy_Hippo to EvaZuBeck_SnarkSub [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 16:52 flutgirl2019 Is Park Hopper worth it?

My boyfriend and I are going to Disney in August. I originally booked the trip with my friend for her birthday trip with her boyfriend that she invited me on. She has park hopper tickets for 5 days. I have 4 park day tickets. My boyfriend and I will be leaving Disney a day early and adding a couple days to our vacation to enjoy Discovery Cove and an excursion to Clearwater Beach. Since we are adding extra days onto our trip, we will be spending money on another hotel, more food, and oher activities. We have the quick dining pass for Disney. So I'm looking to maximize our budget while also maximizing our time at the park. The Park Hopper option is an extra $200 which would almost pay for our extra hotel days. On the other hand, my friend has the Park Hopper option, and while we won't be spending our entire time together at Disney, it might be nice to meet up with them at another park if they hop. Also, the day that my friend is planning in going to MK is a MNSSH day.
submitted by flutgirl2019 to disneyvacation [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 16:52 Ok-Slice3566 Am I the ahole for hating my sister

Hi I’m Li 14 (f) and my sister Dia is 17. It all started in December, my sister asked me and my mom if we could got to our schools rival basketball game, of course me being happy that my sister wanted to hang out with said yes. Little did I know that was a big mistake. During the game me and my sister got separated and she snuck off and left the building so I was alone with a lot of people that I didn’t know. I have extreme social anxiety and I have to calm myself down in big crowds. During that time my sister was hanging out with her foolish friends and got Sa’d. After that there was a shooting that we were caught in the middle of. Thankfully me and her got out because I observed the crowd and noticed that the police were not calm and were putting on vest. Fast forward to January my sister got raped. She snuck out again and I was the one that had to tell my mom. And my mom is really sensitive. But when I told her the only thing that she was talking about was different ways to beat Dia and the scary thing was that she would actually do it, si I begged her to be optimistic about why she might have snuck out. I told my mom to wait to call the police until 9 a.m. During that time I went to what I knew best which was going mute and not talking, crying, and cleaning. I didn’t have thoughts, ideas, it was like there was a black hole inside of me. When I felt like the time was right it told my mom to go outside, and there was a police officer driving past and my mom flagged him down, when the police officer was in the house, I heard crying but when I saw my mom it was her fake cry, not her real one, it made me feel disgusted, and like she only wanted the attention. There was only one person that I knew she could be at but we were on bad terms, and that was my dad. He was the first person that I called, after one ring he answered, and I asked where is she to him crying and sounding defeated, he told me to calm down then we need to talk and that she is okay and it would be best if we meet up. So we all meet up at my great aunts house. I saw my dad for the first time in over a year, and although it wasn’t on the best terms, I still wanted to run up to him and cry, but I didn’t because it wasn’t about me it was about Dia. She told me, my dad, my mom, and my great aunt that she was raped and threatened. My dad being the protective guy that he is said that we should go and talk to the police and got to the hospital to confirm that she was sa’d. We stayed in the hospital for about 10-12 hours taking shifts, because there could only be 2 people back there at a time. My mom and stepmom talked to each other for the first time, and I hung out with my dad and younger sister Ayah. The process took a long time, but it was confirmed that she was raped. After we left the hospital, we went back to our moms house and started packing to stay with our dad until everything was situated. When I got done putting the last suitcase in the trunk, my mom leaned down at the window at 11:50 p.m. and said “ I hope y’all are up and ready for school” after she said that I started crying, like what did she not get by her daughter was raped, it’s not something that goes away in a few hours. I lost so much respect for her after that. And for the next couple of months we were living with our dad full time until the case was figured out. During that time me and Dia would make jokes on our moms mental and physical abuse. One day our stepmom overheard me and asked what we were talking about, and if everything was okay at my moms house, and me and Dia saying yes, because she had normalized the abuse for years. But my stepmom told my dad and they had a talk on abuse and how it wasn’t normal. My dad and stepmom then contacted their lawyer and told him what happened. Then my sister Dia said that we should write letters on how the abuse was carried out, and why. And I agreed that it should be fine, but it wasn’t, during the time of her writing her letters, she would stay up trying to perfect them, she started sleeping in my room because she felt scared, and me being comforting, said yes, but that would be my biggest mistake inviting her in my personal space. One night she climbed up my stairs on my bunk bed and held my hands and stared into my eyes at like 3 in the morning and that scared the heck out of me. I’m not one to have any fears but whenever she came near me she scared me so much as if she was possessed and I can feel when something isn’t right but that’s were she got me. Every time me and her were alone she would say something that made no sense, and I felt like I was going crazy until she left to go to the bathroom and it was me, my stepmom and my dad, I had a panic attack and told them how she was acting, and at first they thought I was jealous, because she was getting all of the attention, but I don’t blame them for thinking that way. That night when they all went to sleep, Dia cried at my doorway where I couldn’t see her face, but there was light behind her, she said “I’m the sacrifice” and then left out of the room and went down to the second floor. I was so scared that night because I thought she was going to be harmed, or do the harming. It didn’t take me that long to fall asleep but I told me too long to wake up. All I could hear was my dad calling my name and I eventually got up. I unlocked my door, I walked out to my sisters outside my room. My little sister playing with cards, cards that I had never seen. And Dia looking menacingly in the corner of her room. My stepmom had jury duty that day and my dad was going to take her. As soon as they left my sister had two phones in her hand, and started talking about how we’re Dominican, mind you we are African American and Indigenous, and my little sister is mixed with African American and Haitian, so I was so confused and I looked at my phone for the time and Dia tried to take it say that the wasn’t real and that everything was fake the she started yelling. And attacked me, I was on the edge of my lower bunk, and my litter sister was right next to me. I put her in the corner of my room, to protect her because I thought I was going to have to fight Dia physically, which I’m 5”2, 115 pounds and I’m buff, and do weightlifting and know mixed martial arts, so I kinda of could hold my own, but she didn’t know her strength, she’s smaller than me, but it felt like I was trying to fight a leopard. But my dad ended up calling me and telling me to bring my little sister down to the car because they didn’t have a good feeling, and by the time he took her in the car Dia was acting as crazy as the joker. And apparently she called the police with my mom and made it seem like there was child abuse going on at my dads house but honestly it was the complete opposite, I’ve never felt a sense of normalcy in years. We went down to the first floor and the police were at the front door, they asked specifically for all the women in the house, because there was an incomplete call and they said it was a women’s voice. The only person that I thought of was my sister Dia because she was the only one with the house phones in her hands. And the police asked if everything was okay and she turned to my stepmom and said she needs to leave and said a lot of bad stuff, but in conclusion, she assaulted two police officers, recorded like she wasn’t acting completely insane, and she also lied and said that me and her were kidnapped and that she’s 18 and I’m 16, which I talked to the police separately and told them that she had been through a lot, and that we were not kidnapped and that we came here on our own terms, and that I’m 14 and she’s 16. The police were very nice and understanding. Because we are black in a mainly white neighborhood my dad begged them to please have mercy on her and I’ve never seen him cry like he did that day, it broke me mentally and cause my trust issues to go up. That day was long a traumatizing because I get really scared when people are yelling at me are shouting. My stepmom and dad fought so hard for my sister and me and now they have major trust issues with everyone, I feel really bad for them because Dia has put our younger sister on the line of possibly being adopted because of her false lies, she also lied and said that I was doing heavy drugs and I had to take a drug test in front on my dad and stepmom which was humiliating and I degraded my name and I felt like I didn’t have purpose on this earth because of my sister Dia. We had court and the judge said that I had to go back with my mom, hi to therapy, and that I wouldn’t be able to see my dad until the next weekend, I took a walk during the court case and I was apparently wanted by 50 different sheriffs, they found me and I was really confused, I gave my dad and stepmom one last hug that day and cried profusely, I saw about three other sheriffs crying as well. My mom made two walk me to her car, and made it seem like I was a prisoner just missing the chains and jumpsuit. I ended up talking to one of the sheriffs and he gave me some good advice to keep my head up and keep going, so that’s what I did and I talked to him about possibly getting myself emancipated, which I don’t really want. I went in the car with my sister and she was yelling a crying the entire time I was in the car and scared the absolute crap out of me. That next Friday I packed my clothes and stuff that I wanted to go to my dad’s house, and my sister started coming at me with words and I tried to take my water bottle back from her and she kicked me in my stomach and told me to start crying but I didn’t and I pushed her back off of me, I’m self defense and I got so mad at the fact that I couldn’t really fight her, so I let out every word that would hurt someone and I never cussed that much in my life but I didn’t notice how much I was cussing until I heard my Nana at the bottom of the stairs, my sister went downstairs and laughed at me, and then she went into the living room where I sleep every night and she took my Beats, phone charger, and epi pen and hid them throughout the house. She’s had so many episodes that I feel like I’m going crazy, I have multiple videos of her episodes out of self defense. My mom told me that I couldn’t text or call my dad, so I snuck and called him to inform him of what has been happening, I believe that it’s child endangerment if my mom leaves me alone with my sister. She honestly does stuff or says stuff when my mom leaves me alone with her. She was jealous of me and tried to attack me, she even threw a full candle at my head because she thought I was the cause of all of the false and childish decisions she made. She still has episodes a lot, and I want to live with my dad. She put such a negative effect on their lives, and now we all have to go to court because of her lies. She even knows who raped her and she protects them with her whole life and lies for them, and she lied about my dad trying to kidnap us, she ruined her relationship with a lot of people and all for what? Just to fit in, it’s really sad how much people change their lives for other peoples judgment. Today is my birthday and I’m at my dads house. I really don’t want to go over to my mom’s house. I really need advice. I just want a better and more peaceful life.
submitted by Ok-Slice3566 to hatek_hadbek [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 16:50 Similar-Airport-1555 AITA for inviting my girlfriends to spend my birthday with me, when my boyfriend is away.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year. I have my birthday coming up this month and hadn’t made any plans. I knew that my boyfriend would possibly be at a festival on my birthday, but today I got it confirmed. He was on his phone with his friends and they were planning the trip. I asked him about the dates, and he said he wouldn’t be home and kept talking with his friend. I then looked at the facts, and decided that I didn’t want to be alone on my birthday, so I sent a message to a group of my girlfriends. I asked them if they were free on my birthday, and if they would save the date. I was thinking we could go out for dinner that day. I told my boyfriend when he was done with his conversation that I had ask som of my girlfriends out to dinner on the day. He got so mad that I hade asked them without taking with him first! He didn’t want me to celebrate my birthday without him. I think he’s also mad at himself for forgetting that my birthday was on the same day as the festival. He wanted me to celebrate on a different day, so he could join. I told him that the whole point of me going out for dinner on my birthday is because I don’t want to be alone on the day. He raised his voice and told me that I was selfish for not giving him a chance to find a solution to the problem before inviting the girls out. He talked about maybe having me come join him at the festival for the day (he pays). I don’t like the music on the festival, and also don’t want to travel with plain for a day! I also have to work on the day of my birthday and the day after. So it would work. My boyfriend then proceeded to say that I as a Christian should forgive and give him a chance to repent before i make other plans without taking to him first. I said I wasn’t mad at him for being away, just that I did want to be alone on my birthday! He know I would have spent the day with him if he was home. I also told him I only invited girls, so he would feel less of a party without him! He’s still mad at me. Am I the asshole?
(Ps. Sorry for my English, it’s not my first language)
submitted by Similar-Airport-1555 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 16:46 Hot_Pilot6926 AITAH for talking to a male friend while having a huge argument with my boyfriend?

Me (22F) and my boyfriend (22M) have been in this relationship for more than a year. About three months back, we had a terrible fight. At the end he'd said, "I can't be with you anymore. Leave me alone" I loved him a lot (I still do) and could not imagine losing him, so I tried to calm myself down and said "No, we'll talk about this when we are both calm and collected. I'll give you some space right now, think clearly for a few days and let me know if breaking up is what you really want" then we'd gone our separate ways. I had cried the entire way to my home. We are in the same uni and that's how we met. The next day, I was too shattered to go to my classes. The day after that, again I was too shattered to go. I'd missed two days, while he had gone, and he didn't even call or text to ask if I was okay. On the third day, I'd left a few "just checking in" texts, which he had left on 'delivered'. He had also been ignoring my calls, however on the third day, he had picked one of them and had straight up yelled "Why are you calling me? I said its over between us. Its over." and had cut the call. I had cried and cried and cried, to the point I would be shaking and throwing up.
I was completely broken. It was the lowest point of my life, losing the person I loved with my whole heart, because it was the phone call that had confirmed, he was really done. I couldn't think straight, my head was spinning, and eyes were puffy all the time. At the time, it happened to be one of my old friend's birthday. A male friend. I didn't even remember it was his birthday, I found out about it through snapchat's notification. And since he was a close childhood friend who had also wished me, I had, halfheartedly, wished him just a simple 'happy birthday' now mind you, he is as platonic of a friend as anyone can be. I have never had any feelings for him, and neither has he. We were childhood friends, known him since I was 13 and had a falling out when I had changed schools. In the recent years, we had met each other just ONCE, before I had even started dating my current boyfriend and it wasn't even a date with him, just a catching up with an old friend after years. This friend, I had known him for 8 years and he is like a brother to me.
The problem though, after I had wished him, he carried on with the conversation, asking me where I was rn and how I was. I replied normally and asked him about himself. He said that he was fine but had a recent break up he was trying to move on from. He asked about my dating life, since he had seen pictures of my boyfriend I had posted, and he asked how and where we met, the basic stuff. And since he had talked about his breakup, I told him what was going on in my relationship too, thinking it would make me feel lighter to talk to SOMEONE and get it off my chest. Not in details, just said stuff like "That's so relatable" I told him my boyfriend hadn't been talking to me and I was terrible. At one point, he had said "Dude, you'll find someone else, someone much better who doesn't make you cry" just how FRIENDS do. I ended the conversation a few minutes later.
The next day, I did go to my classes, and since we always used to sit together before the breakup, I went to the designated seat and sat beside him. We had numerous eye contacts throughout the day but neither of us spoke to the other. By the end of the day, he said he wanted to talk and I said 'Alright' so we went to a cafe nearby and had a heart to heart, he said that I was right, and he had just needed some time to cool off. He apologized and we made up. We kissed and said 'I love you' to each other for the very first time. However, I don't even remember at what point, but he had apparently seen the texts from last night. The one between my friend and I. He didn't say or ask anything about them. I was blissfully unaware and over the moon for having made up with him.
However, a month or so back, he suddenly started acting distant, said he needed to think and that he felt insecure in the relationship. We were still behaving normal, but he would have random episodes where he would go distant. I continuously asked him what was wrong and after a lot of pestering, he finally revealed that it was those messages. He said he had seen them months ago and that they didn't bother him at first but the more he thought of them, the more betrayed he felt. I told him I had completely forgotten about those texts. I promised him there was nothing at all between us and it was just a casual conversation I was having with my friend, and if it was of ANY significance, I would have told him and that there was nothing for me to hide from him.
He didn't believe me and said he couldn't trust me anymore. I apologized and have done so a million times in the last month. The last one month, we have had countless arguments regarding this. He has accused me of cheating, of breaking his trust, his heart and has said numerous hurtful things to me, questioning my loyalty, my character. I also blocked my friend from all the social media accounts, but he says it doesn't matter, and what hurt him the most was me talking about our relationship problems to someone else. It is fair for him to be mad, I do realize I shouldn't have done that. I have apologized, not for 'cheating' as he claims, since I never did that, but for breaking his trust.
Since then, I have tried to reassure him that I only love him, that I am only his, but he says he feels hollow inside and doesn't trust anything I say. He has started doubting my every move, every word. I text him a minute later than usual, and he accuses me of talking to someone else. He has also said we should end it, since there's no trust left anymore, but I practically begged him to stay and give me a chance. Just one chance. I told him I didn't realize me talking to a friend would hurt him so bad and now that I know how hurtful this is, I will NEVER repeat it. I have also told him that if I do ANYTHING to hurt him again, he was free to leave and never look back, but to give me just one chance to learn from my mistakes and correct them.
He had agreed, but there are certain taunts I still have to listen to. He keeps taunting me, subtly saying that I am a cheater. He has also sl*t shamed me multiple times, and it HURTS, because he is my whole entire world, and I have never even thought of anyone else in the same way. I love him and only him. But how do I make him trust me? How do I not get offended by his hurtful comments? How do we move forward? It feels like he hates me and there's not a single day I haven't gone to sleep crying after having an argument with him. We had planned our whole future together, but Idk how we can sustain it anymore. I can listen to his taunts and his complaints, but I cannot accept him slt-shaming me.
Some more context, he also has multiple female friends, who share their relationship problems with him. He goes out with them (in groups and sometimes one on one for coffee and such). They are tight knit and have been since before I entered his life. They have lunches together, make jokes, share inside jokes and have fun together, and I have never had any problem with that. Although sometimes it prickles, I ignore the insecurity because I decide to trust him instead. So why is me having a friend of the opposite gender such a crime? Why am I a sl*t for talking to my friend but its justified for him because they're friends? He has also done multiple hurtful things to me, but I always choose to understand and forgive, hoping he will learn, and giving him the benefit of the doubt. So why can't he do the same for me? Why am I such a villain in his eyes just for trying to ease my load of hurt but talking to a FRIEND? If he had done the same and if it was a person who was just a platonic friend to him, I would have understood, especially if he had apologized to me as many times as I have done.
TLDR: I had a conversation with my male friend about my relationship problems, and now my boyfriend thinks I am a cheater and questions my character. How do I win his trust? How do we move forward? AITAH?
submitted by Hot_Pilot6926 to AITAH [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 16:43 Hot_Pilot6926 My (22F) boyfriend (22M) says I cheated on him and is now shaming my character. But I don't consider what I did as "cheating" Need some insights.

Me and my boyfriend have been in this relationship for more than a year. About three months back, we had a terrible fight. At the end he'd said, "I can't be with you anymore. Leave me alone" I loved him a lot (I still do) and could not imagine losing him, so I tried to calm myself down and said "No, we'll talk about this when we are both calm and collected. I'll give you some space right now, think clearly for a few days and let me know if breaking up is what you really want" then we'd gone our separate ways. I had cried the entire way to my home. We are in the same uni and that's how we met. The next day, I was too shattered to go to my classes. The day after that, again I was too shattered to go. I'd missed two days, while he had gone, and he didn't even call or text to ask if I was okay. On the third day, I'd left a few "just checking in" texts, which he had left on 'delivered'. He had also been ignoring my calls, however on the third day, he had picked one of them and had straight up yelled "Why are you calling me? I said its over between us. Its over." and had cut the call. I had cried and cried and cried, to the point I would be shaking and throwing up.
I was completely broken. It was the lowest point of my life, losing the person I loved with my whole heart, because it was the phone call that had confirmed, he was really done. I couldn't think straight, my head was spinning, and eyes were puffy all the time. At the time, it happened to be one of my old friend's birthday. A male friend. I didn't even remember it was his birthday, I found out about it through snapchat's notification. And since he was a close childhood friend who had also wished me, I had, halfheartedly, wished him just a simple 'happy birthday' now mind you, he is as platonic of a friend as anyone can be. I have never had any feelings for him, and neither has he. We were childhood friends, known him since I was 13 and had a falling out when I had changed schools. In the recent years, we had met each other just ONCE, before I had even started dating my current boyfriend and it wasn't even a date with him, just a catching up with an old friend after years. This friend, I had known him for 8 years and he is like a brother to me.
The problem though, after I had wished him, he carried on with the conversation, asking me where I was rn and how I was. I replied normally and asked him about himself. He said that he was fine but had a recent break up he was trying to move on from. He asked about my dating life, since he had seen pictures of my boyfriend I had posted, and he asked how and where we met, the basic stuff. And since he had talked about his breakup, I told him what was going on in my relationship too, thinking it would make me feel lighter to talk to SOMEONE and get it off my chest. Not in details, just said stuff like "That's so relatable" I told him my boyfriend hadn't been talking to me and I was terrible. At one point, he had said "Dude, you'll find someone else, someone much better who doesn't make you cry" just how FRIENDS do. I ended the conversation a few minutes later.
The next day, I did go to my classes, and since we always used to sit together before the breakup, I went to the designated seat and sat beside him. We had numerous eye contacts throughout the day but neither of us spoke to the other. By the end of the day, he said he wanted to talk and I said 'Alright' so we went to a cafe nearby and had a heart to heart, he said that I was right, and he had just needed some time to cool off. He apologized and we made up. We kissed and said 'I love you' to each other for the very first time. However, I don't even remember at what point, but he had apparently seen the texts from last night. The one between my friend and I. He didn't say or ask anything about them. I was blissfully unaware and over the moon for having made up with him.
However, a month or so back, he suddenly started acting distant, said he needed to think and that he felt insecure in the relationship. We were still behaving normal, but he would have random episodes where he would go distant. I continuously asked him what was wrong and after a lot of pestering, he finally revealed that it was those messages. He said he had seen them months ago and that they didn't bother him at first but the more he thought of them, the more betrayed he felt. I told him I had completely forgotten about those texts. I promised him there was nothing at all between us and it was just a casual conversation I was having with my friend, and if it was of ANY significance, I would have told him and that there was nothing for me to hide from him.
He didn't believe me and said he couldn't trust me anymore. I apologized and have done so a million times in the last month. The last one month, we have had countless arguments regarding this. He has accused me of cheating, of breaking his trust, his heart and has said numerous hurtful things to me, questioning my loyalty, my character. I also blocked my friend from all the social media accounts, but he says it doesn't matter, and what hurt him the most was me talking about our relationship problems to someone else. It is fair for him to be mad, I do realize I shouldn't have done that. I have apologized, not for 'cheating' as he claims, since I never did that, but for breaking his trust.
Since then, I have tried to reassure him that I only love him, that I am only his, but he says he feels hollow inside and doesn't trust anything I say. He has started doubting my every move, every word. I text him a minute later than usual, and he accuses me of talking to someone else. He has also said we should end it, since there's no trust left anymore, but I practically begged him to stay and give me a chance. Just one chance. I told him I didn't realize me talking to a friend would hurt him so bad and now that I know how hurtful this is, I will NEVER repeat it. I have also told him that if I do ANYTHING to hurt him again, he was free to leave and never look back, but to give me just one chance to learn from my mistakes and correct them.
He had agreed, but there are certain taunts I still have to listen to. He keeps taunting me, subtly saying that I am a cheater. He has also sl*t shamed me multiple times, and it HURTS, because he is my whole entire world, and I have never even thought of anyone else in the same way. I love him and only him. But how do I make him trust me? How do I not get offended by his hurtful comments? How do we move forward? It feels like he hates me and there's not a single day I haven't gone to sleep crying after having an argument with him. We had planned our whole future together, but Idk how we can sustain it anymore. I can listen to his taunts and his complaints, but I cannot accept him slt-shaming me.
Some more context, he also has multiple female friends, who share their relationship problems with him. He goes out with them (in groups and sometimes one on one for coffee and such). They are tight knit and have been since before I entered his life. They have lunches together, make jokes, share inside jokes and have fun together, and I have never had any problem with that. Although sometimes it prickles, I ignore the insecurity because I decide to trust him instead. So why is me having a friend of the opposite gender such a crime? Why am I a sl*t for talking to my friend but its justified for him because they're friends? He has also done multiple hurtful things to me, but I always choose to understand and forgive, hoping he will learn, and giving him the benefit of the doubt. So why can't he do the same for me? Why am I such a villain in his eyes just for trying to ease my load of hurt but talking to a FRIEND? If he had done the same and if it was a person who was just a platonic friend to him, I would have understood, especially if he had apologized to me as many times as I have done.
TLDR: I had a conversation with my male friend about my relationship problems, and now my boyfriend thinks I am a cheater and questions my character. How do I win his trust? How do we move forward?
submitted by Hot_Pilot6926 to RelationshipIndia [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 16:43 Reasonable_Injury121 Chivalry Is On Life Support, Chapter Thirty-Five (part one)

This chapter was too long to post as one, so I’m dividing into two parts. Apologies for it being a bit disjointed.
On Thursday morning, after Luke left early for work and Brooke went for a run, I removed from Brooke’s closet the the gossamer jacket I had worn to the Ren fair and put it into the trunk of my Prius along with the canvas shoes and white tights that had completed my humiliating “Little Foot Page” costume. I dared not disappoint Anna a second time.
Fortunately, I didn’t have any punishment writing lines to complete after I cleaned her and Paul’s apartment on Tuesday. Brooke didn’t force me to wear any new feminine accessory that day. She was so fond of the choker that it had become an almost regular part of my daily attire.
As she kissed me goodbye that morning before I left for campus, she fingered the choker and my neck, saying, “I like this on you. Maybe I’ll order another one with a subtle little ring on it.”
I often couldn’t tell when Brooke was joking or not.
“You mean something where someone could attach a leash? Like a slave collar? Please, Brooke. This is bad enough.”
“No, it wouldn’t have to stick out like that. I said ‘subtle,’ didn’t I? The ring could be flat against your neck. That style is very common. It’s sexy. But I do think we can get you a proper collar to wear at home. I’m thinking leather with silver studs and a nice ring in the front. That one will definitely stick out. Luke and I will look for something on-line.”
Again, was she joking or not? She gave me her full, dimpled smile as she spoke, but that didn’t tell me conclusively one way or another. Nevertheless, her smile, her touch and the nature of the conversation all conspired to cause my liberated cock to grow hard in the lace panties I was wearing under my khakis. I was hoping she wouldn’t notice, so she wouldn’t lock me back up; several hours later, I was wishing that she had noticed.
Except for regular cleanings, and one or two supervised, humiliating releases, I had been locked up pretty consistently over the previous 2 1/2 months. Therefore, I truly enjoyed my freedom most of that Thursday. I had an almost incessant erection, fortunately mostly concealed by my khakis (which were looser than most of the pants I was permitted to wear), even while waiting in line to get Neil’s coffee and while walking across campus in a light snow to bring it to his office. The phrase “microaggressions” had become trendy on college campuses such as mine, referring to insensitive comments people make that are discriminatory or insulting, often even without intending to be. As I knocked on the door to Neil’s office, I thought to myself how I was being subjected not to microaggesions at my college, but rather to microhumiliations. Such as fetching Neil’s coffee.
“Come in,” said Neil, through the door.
Remarkably, seated in the one chair across from Neil’s desk was Paul Betz. Yet again! Alarming and suspicious. Or was I simply being paranoid? Neither of them made any effort to get up from their seats.
I was holding the cup of coffee in a paper bag. Feeling like an idiot, I placed the bag on Neil’s desk.
“Thanks for the coffee, pal,” Neil said, as he removed the cup from the bag. “It’s a bit cold.”
“Sorry, it’s snowing out there,” I replied, absurdly, as if it was even remotely somehow my fault that his coffee wasn’t hot.
“No worries. I’ll warm it up in my microwave. Paul and I were just discussing some swimming techniques. Paul’s team has a big meet this weekend. Is it okay if I catch up with you later?”
Paul looked up at me with an arrogant smirk. I thought to myself: how much strategy could there possibly be to discuss? You jump in the pool and you swim.
“Of course,” I said. “I’ll talk to you later.”
And just like that, I was dismissed. The coffee boy had delivered the coffee and was no longer needed. Why should I care about suffering this microhumiliation in front of Paul, who a few hours later would be subjecting me to any number of macro humiliations? Simply because he was gaining even greater knowledge about me, the nature of my relationships with others in my social circle and the breadth of my submission. Knowledge is power. More knowledge about me, more power over me. Nothing good could possibly come of it.
Paul was his usual arrogant self in class that afternoon, and it was clear that he, Anna and Kelly were all in exaggeratedly good moods, no doubt savoring the thought of interacting with me under radically different circumstances only a few hours later.
Anna was wearing black tights, a short, plaid skirt and black ankle boots. She propped her feet up on the desk in front of her next to Paul’s and said, “Oh, look how dirty my boots are from all the puddles of slush.”
Paul added, “Mine too. Fortunately, our shoeshine boy will be visiting later.”
Kelly sitting two seats to their left, giggled and said, “The cold weather makes me ravenous. What’s for dinner tonight, Anna?”
Anna grinned and answered, “Beef stroganoff. Our shoeshine boy is also an excellent cook, supposedly. A real Renaissance boy.”
“Not a Medieval boy?”, said Kelly. She and Anna both laughed.
Scanning the room, I didn’t believe the other students were picking up on all of the innuendo (or, if they were, I didn’t think they understood what it meant). Nevertheless, one serious female student, not part of Kelly’s clique, looked at me as if to say, “Why are you letting these clowns do and say whatever they want? Why don’t you take control of your classroom?” How I longed to do just that, to put the three of them in their place with some witty remark, as I would have done in the past. The pain of Paul’s spanking on Tuesday still fresh in my mind (if not on my bottom), however, I bit my tongue and timidly began my lecture.
After class, I went to the grocery store to purchase all of the ingredients for Anna’s prescribed menu of beef stroganoff, Italian green beans, and a starter spinach salad with warm bacon dressing (she had even directed me to her preferred recipes on-line — I had tested the salad and dressing on Brooke, with positive reviews). I also purchased the two bottles of not inexpensive red wine specified by Paul.
When I arrived at their condo, holding multiple grocery bags, my nemesis doorman was lying in wait for me, like a snarky Cerberus dressed as a bellhop. My underworld was eleven flights up, however.
“I’m going to apartment 11B. Paul Betz.”
“I have to announce you. Who should I say is calling?”
“The cook. Please tell him the cook is here.”
He spoke into the intercom phone, smirking at me, “Mr. Betz. Someone calling himself the cook is here to visit you. Although I’m pretty sure it’s the same guy who announced himself as the maid on Tuesday. May I send him up?”
Still holding the phone, he then addressed me: “Mr. Betz said they are expecting the maid, not the cook. What should I tell him?”
I sighed. “Please tell him the maid is here.”
“Mr. Betz. He is now no longer pretending to be a cook, but has announced himself as the maid. Very good, sir, I’ll send him right up then.” He put down the phone, his expression more smug by the second, and said, “You may now go up. The elevator…”
I interrupted him. “I know perfectly well where the elevator is, thank you.”
He stopped smirking to glare at me with annoyance for a moment, before resuming his smirk as I entered the elevator with my shopping bags.
When I got to their door, I got down on my knees and waited. Behind the door, I heard talking and sporadic laughter. They only kept me waiting about five minutes that day, and fortunately I was spared any encounters with Paul’s and Anna’s neighbors. It was during those five minutes on my knees, staring down at my cock pushing out my khakis, that I came to the belated realization that it probably wasn’t a good thing to be free of my chastity cage in the circumstances in which I then found myself. As I continued to wait, a sense of panic began to set in, which paradoxically only increased my arousal.
When the door finally opened, I was greeted by Kelly. I was eye level with her short, blue skirt. I looked down at her sheer stocking-encased legs and black, strap-on heels before looking up at her grinning face. She had been wearing jeans in class, but had obviously dressed up for the exciting occasion of being served dinner by her submissive professor. I have not really described Kelly’s appearance much before now, other than to say that she is attractive. Kelly has shoulder length, thick, brown hair and sort of a button nose. She is slender, but not as tall as Anna or Brooke. I would describe her more as cute than truly beautiful like the other two. However, by “cute,“ I don’t want to suggest that Kelly isn’t sexy. She is, but more in a teasing, playful way than the regal Anna. Sometimes it’s those cute, playful ones that you really have to watch out for, I was to learn.
Generally speaking, it occurred to me that, on the cusp of turning 40, I was surrounded by – and subservient to – a number of meaningfully younger people, most of whom were well above average in the looks department. There are a lot of overweight Americans – more in Ohio than in the Northeast, I thought (I’m sure Neil would have said that observation was still further evidence of my elitism) – including a lot of overweight students on my campus. For whatever reason, however, I was this bookish, unathletic guy now surrounded by athletes (Luke, Paul, Anna, Kevin, and even my one contemporary in terms of age, Neil), or fitness freaks (Brooke) or the generally attractive people who they chose to associate with (like Kelly, Laura, and Brooke’s estranged friend, Michelle). Growing up, my social circle tended to consist of the less attractive – the geeks, the nerds, the social outcasts. So, being surrounded by the cool, beautiful people was new for me, and exciting. So much toned, taut young flesh. Of course, I was not, nor am not now, their equal. Not even close. I’m their servant, their lackey, their toy. But that’s part of what makes the dynamic so exciting, so arousing. For me, certainly. But also for most of them, I believe (Brooke excepted; I am confident that there is a lot more depth to our relationship with each other, than to our relationships with all the others).
As I looked up at Kelly, these thoughts running through my head, I consoled myself that at least I wasn’t being subjugated, teased and tormented by physically repulsive people. Remembering Brooke’s advice to go with the flow, I tried to tell myself to be grateful for small favors.
“Hi, Professor Rollins!“, said Kelly, brightly.
“Hi, Kelly,” I sheepishly replied.
“Oh, come now, professor. We’re not in class now. I think the proper way to address me here is Miss Kelly, don’t you agree?”
“Yes, Miss Kelly, of course.”
“You may enter,” she said. Seeing Paul behind her, I remembered to shuffle on my knees into the apartment, bags in either hand.
Paul said, ”What time do you need to be home tonight, Rollins? Where are Luke and Brooke?”
“Thursday night they almost always go out, sir. If you recall, that’s why we picked Thursday evenings for me to…to come here. Luke is taking Brooke out to dinner tonight at a restaurant near his house. The earliest they’ll be home, I think, is around 10:30, unless they decide to spend the night at Luke’s. I’d like to be home by 10, just to be on the safe side, sir, if possible,” I replied.
Kelly said to Paul, “I like the ‘sirs.’ I see that you’ve been training him well.“
“You may leave at 10. That means we have you for 5 hours. Put the food away and then get dressed,” ordered Paul. Anna and Kelly’s boyfriend, Archer, were sitting on the couch in the living room.
“Wait a minute,” said Anna. “Did you bring your Ren fair costume this time?”
“Yes, Princess Anna.”
“‘Princess?’ I really like that. Call me ‘Princess,’ too,” Kelly said to me, giggling.
“Yes, Princess Kelly,” I replied.
Smiling with delight, Kelly asked Archer, “Do you wish him to address you as Prince Archer?”
Archer, who I later learned was Paul’s teammate on the college swimming team, said, “No, he can just call me ‘sir’.”
“You’re no fun,” said Kelly.
“Put on your Little Foot Page costume, professor,” said Anna.
“Hold on,” said Paul. “If he’s serving us dinner, shouldn’t he be dressed as a waitress? Or as a maid? What about the pink uniform Chrissy wears? That’s sort of a waitress maid hybrid,” Paul explained to Archer.
“Or what about the Hooters uniform?”, asked Archer.
“But the Little Foot Page uniform is so cute!”, said Kelly.
Anna said, “Well, everybody seems to have an opinion. The only way to settle this democratically is through a vote. Let’s all write down our top choice on a scrap of paper and toss it into my baseball cap. There are three options and four votes, so there will be a clear winner.”
“I think he should model each uniform first, so we can make an informed decision,” said Archer.
“Great idea, Archer! Who doesn’t love a little, impromptu fashion show? Kelly, please tear up four pieces of paper and get a pen while I show our dear professor where we keep Chrissy’s uniforms,” said Anna.
I listened to this rather extraordinary conversation while still kneeling in the entrance hall. I had managed to will my erection down, at least partially, so had escaped detection for the moment. Obviously, this was only a temporary victory, however.
After being permitted to stand, I first put away the food and then followed Anna upstairs into the dungeon. She opened a closet and pulled out two plastic bags that she draped over the spanking bench.
“Here are the other two uniforms you will model for us. I want you to start with the waitress uniform. Make sure you wear the black stockings and the heels with the dress. And the cap. There are hairpins in the bag you can use to make sure that it doesn’t fall off your head. Once you’re dressed, we’ll be waiting for you in the living room. I expect you to walk the length of the living room, stand before us, curtsy, do a slow 360, face us again and curtsy a second time. Then walk back up here, put on the Hooter’s uniform, and repeat the same steps. Remember to put on the flesh colored pantyhose; they’re what really make the Hooters uniform, don’t you think?”
I had never darkened the doors of a Hooters before, but nodded my ascent.
“Well, the pantyhose along with the white socks and sneakers. You didn’t bring those, did you?”
“No, princess. Besides the shoes I’m wearing, I only brought the canvas shoes I wore to the Ren fair. As you commanded, princess.”
“All the more reason the Hooters uniform just won’t cut it tonight. But we have to humor Archer, don’t we? So, wear your canvas shoes with it. You’ll look preposterous, but that’s the point, I suppose. Right?”
“Yes, princess.”
“You’ll finish with your Little Foot Page uniform. The same steps. That’s my top choice, so make sure that you really sell that one. I’ll be watching closely. If you fail to do any of the steps I just told you, or don’t do any of them satisfactorily, I’ll ask Paul and/or Archer to take you over their knees and spank you, hard, 10 times for each mistake. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Princess Anna.”
She left me in the dungeon to change. Paul’s description of the first uniform was accurate. Imagine a pink maid’s uniform, with a V-neck, black collar, black buttons and a black apron. It came with a matching cap, pink with black trim. After putting on the dress, I rolled the sheer, black stockings up my legs and smoothed out the skirt, my fully erect cock still concealed for the time being beneath it. The short skirt only came down to my mid thigh. I then put on the heels and the cap, fumbling with the hairpins, and regarded myself in the mirror. I was dressed like a fetishized waitress in a retro diner. Could I look any more ridiculous? As I practiced curtsying a few times in front of the mirror, I answered my own rhetorical question.
Worried about keeping my students and Archer waiting, I descended the stairs and followed Anna’s instructions, listening to the strange sound of my heels clicking on the hardwood floor of the living room.
As I curtsied before the four of them relaxing on the couch, Kelly giggled with glee and Paul said, “Now that’s an appropriate uniform for dinner service.”
“It is, yes, but we see Chrissy in it all the time. A little variety is nice,” Anna replied.
As I went through my steps, I watched Anna hold the same little book they had used to record my shortcomings in cleaning – my demerits as they called them – and make notes in it with a pen. That couldn’t be a good thing, I thought to myself, although I was quite certain that I was following her instructions to a T.
After I did my 360° turn, I did a brief second curtsy, as Anna had ordered, but she stopped me as I was turning around to go back upstairs.
“Wait, professor maid. Curtsy to us again, but this time make it a deep curtsy. I want to make sure that you’ve been practicing.“
I did as she commanded, bending my legs, one behind the other, lifting my skirt with my hands and holding the dipped, bowed position for a few seconds before straightening back up.
“What do you think?”, Anna asked Kelly.
“Not too bad for a relative novice, I suppose, although his technique could definitely use some work,” said Kelly.
“Do you hear that, professor maid? You need to spend a lot more time practicing your curtsying. Also, you’re walking in the heels better than on Tuesday, but you’re still pretty unsteady. We expect our servants to be graceful,” said Anna, imperiously, as she made additional notations in her little notebook. “You need to practice walking in heels somewhere besides your time here with us. We do not tolerate on-the-job training here. Got it?”
“Yes, Princess Anna. I understand.”
“Good. Move along now. We need to decide on your uniform so you can start serving us cocktails and hors d’oeuvres.”
I hurried back upstairs as quickly and gracefully as was within my power and changed into the Hooters uniform. I put on the nude pantyhose first, my cock distressingly hard beneath the transparent nylon. So much for further concealing my liberation from chastity! Freedom can be a dangerous thing, I was to soon learn. I next put on the U-shaped, white T-shirt with the big orange letters, the two ‘Os’ doubling as eyes for the owl. The shirt was tight against even my flat chest; I could only imagine what it must’ve felt like to the well endowed women for whom the shirt was designed. Next, I pulled up the skimpy, bright orange shorts, hoping like hell that they might hide my erection. They did quite the opposite, in fact. Made of some synthetic fabric, they were incredibly snug and almost looked like a bikini the way they rode up the side of my legs next to my crotch. The shorts hugged my small balls, the outline of which was readily apparent through the fabric, my cock making a small, but unmistakable protrusion above them. As humiliating as the waitress uniform was, this was worse, I felt. I groaned as I observed myself in the mirror. I then put on my canvas shoes and descended the stairs to begin another degrading catwalk.
Archer laughed and clapped. “Thats fucking hilarious. Look at the loser!”
“Ha ha, look our professor has a little stiffie,” said Kelly, pointing at my crotch and snickering.
Anna said, “Oh, my God. Paul. She’s right. Look! They must’ve taken off his chastity cage.”
Paul said, “Well, this opens up all kinds of new possibilities, doesn’t it?”
“It most certainly does!”, agreed Anna.
This conversation, so intensely humiliating, resulted in my already hard cock twitching beneath the tight orange shorts, growing harder still.
Kelly said, “But he doesn’t have any boobs. What kind of Hooters waitress is that? At least Chrissy is growing boobs, thanks to the hormones.”
As I was curtsying, Paul asked, “What happened to Chrissy’s breast forms?”
Anna answered, “We let her throw them out after she started growing her own tits.“
“Too bad,” Archer replied.
Anna added, “And the whole outfit just doesn’t work without the white tennis shoes and socks. Also, our Hooters girl forgot to do her second curtsy.” As I turned back around to comply, Anna added, “No, no professor pantywaist, it’s too late now. That’s another demerit, I’m afraid. Now hurry along and model your last outfit for us.”
I scampered up the stairs and quickly changed into my Little Foot Page costume from the Ren fair, the one inspired by the Eleanor Fortescue-Brickdale’s painting, a favorite of Brooke’s. How I wished at that moment that it was her I was dressing for instead! The short, nearly transparent jacket barely concealed my cock, jutting out shamefully through my white tights.
Remembering Anna’s insistence that I really “sell” this outfit, I took special care to complete each step to the best of my abilities. I held my back straight and practically pranced into the room and across the living room floor. I held my curtsy longer than usual, somewhere between the duration of a regular curtsy and a deep curtsy.
Both of the girls applauded, gleefully.
“See. The foot page costume is adorable. And it’s unique,” said Kelly.
“But pages don’t serve dinner. Pages do all kinds of other things for their masters, like clean their clothes and shoes, help them get dressed, deliver messages, and so forth,” said Paul.
“Oh you’re such a stickler for authenticity. I’m sure plenty of pages served their masters and mistresses meals as well. They were utility servants, and I’m sure did whatever was required of them,“ said Anna. “Besides, with this uniform, we have the best view of his hard, little cock. Look, it’s fun size!“, she added, pointing.
“With equipment like that, it’s no wonder that his wife cuckolded him,” chuckled Archer.
“From the look of him and his attitude, I’ll bet Luke is hung like a horse. Is that true, professor baby cock?”, asked Anna.
“Yes, Princess Anna,” I answered meekly.
“Look how red his face is!,” said Kelly. “We’re not embarrassing you, are we, professor?”
“Yes…I mean no, Miss…I mean Princess Kelly.”
“Okay, it’s time to vote,” said Anna.
“Why bother. We all know which one will win. Archer will vote for Hooters, I will vote for sissy waitress, and you and Kelly will vote for this silly page costume, inappropriate as it may be,” said Paul, sulkily. “So, the foot page it is.”
“Oh, goody!”, said Kelly, clapping her hands together with delight.
“Time for cocktails! Take everyone’s order,” Paul said to me sternly, seemingly still annoyed that he didn’t get his way.
Paul and Anna had a well equipped bar, so making the drinks was relatively easy. Anna insisted that I curtsy after serving each person. I, of course, would’ve felt ridiculous curtsying under any circumstances, but felt particularly so dressed in my page costume. Paul had a point; there was something incongruous about it. After serving them, I began prepping for dinner in what was truly a chef’s kitchen. The meat needed to simmer for a while to be sufficiently tender.
Anna had shown me a little brass bell that they would use to summon me for drink refills or anything else they desired. I heard it jingling about 20 minutes into my prep work and hurried back into the living room.
Paul said, “Archer and I are ready for refills.”
“Yes, sir.”
“From now on, curtsy every time you enter or leave a room any of us are in, and every time any of us gives you an order,” Anna interjected.
“Yes, princess,” I said, curtsying as I took their glasses.
By the time I returned a few minutes later with Paul’s and Archer’s fresh old fashioneds, curtsying again, Anna was also ready to for new martini. Of course, by the time I returned with her martini, Kelly was finally ready for her second cosmopolitan. Would this ever end?, I wondered. How would I ever have time to prepare the rest of dinner?
Fortunately, rather than request a third old-fashioned Paul said to the others, “Let’s go for a swim.” I was back in the kitchen working when the four of them left the apartment to take the elevator down to the building’s large indoor pool. Things got more interesting about an hour later when my young superiors returned to the apartment in their bathing suits.
submitted by Reasonable_Injury121 to cuck_femdom_tales [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 16:38 Shenshen_ WIBTA if I told my cousin off?

Hey guys.
Broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago now, and I have been feeling good. Trust me, it needed to happen.
Yesterday was my grandma’s birthday party, and as soon as I walked, one of my cousins (who is closer to my mom), hugged me and said “Aww, I heard about you and the boyfriend.”
I have only told my mom and my grandma about the break up, and my mom has told me that she wouldn’t say anything to anyone without my consent. But, she told her.
My reaction to my cousin was “Oh.. who told you?” And I was clearly upset. She said, “Oh don’t worry about that, we’re family girl!” I just walked away and carried on at the party.
Yeah, we’re family - but I don’t talk to you like that.. and for that to be the first thing you say once I enter the party? Regardless if I’ve been good, you don’t know how I might be processing it. Needless to say, I am upset and feel disrespected by my own mother for sharing my business.
WIBTA if I told off my cousin for dismissing the situation saying “We’re family, don’t worry about that!”
submitted by Shenshen_ to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 16:31 StrainFew7283 My(23F) ex(22M) keeps checking my Instagram after 4months of breakup and now when I have blocked him, he uses a fake account. He said he wanted to be friends but I still blocked him and now he uses a fake account....what do I do now?

I 23/F started dating my boyfriend 22/M in 2021. For context, the relationship started when he was about the start college and I was about to graduate but we are from the same church so that's where I got to know him. Initial one year everything was great but my boyfriend was going through heavy financial issues at home and from time to time whatever help I could do, I would do. We had started working in the same company and it was a WFH job so we also got lots of time to spend with each other especially due to lockdowns. Fast forward to 2022, I got a promotion at work and the role required me to work from office and things got very rocky as my boyfriend had also gotten a promotion but the role needed him to work from office which he couldn't as he was attending a regular college. He ultimately had to resign and that took a toll on his mental health. The day he lost his job he told me he wanted to breakup, he believes in being the provider in the relationship although I never really asked for anything from him. I believe in making the relationship absolutely 50-50 from planning dates to paying bills and all the sorts. The entire year went very rocky with my boyfriend asking for a breakup multiple times but I tried reasoning things out. Meanwhile even I wasn't doing great in my finances, I made small budget cuts for myself which idk how but made my boyfriend feel incapable (we did not live together, we lived with our own families). Starts 2023, I was in a lot of pressure at work and at home but I tried making ends meet for myself without asking for help from my boyfriend but just keeping him updated on everything. May 2023 we finally broke up when he told me that he's under huge mental pressure and he cannot continue a relationship. I am a hot headed person by nature so in the heat of the moment I broke up. But after the breakup we were in touch, few weeks later he wanted to patchup but I said no and this continued for 3months, even on the day we were supposed to celebrate our anniversary (8th June) we were a broken couple. But at the end of July, I finally accepted his apology as I thought maybe he genuinely wants to come back and will not breakup again but then I saw how casual he was with me as if nothing ever happened and he expected me to also go back to normal as if the breakup just never happened, I didn't spend countless sleepless night, as if I wasn't hurt. Additionally he made me feel like a burden on him. Suppose I told him I wish I could do so and so for my birthday but since I have budget cuts I can't but that's okay... He took it like I was a burden on him, started calling himself useless and he feels pathetic that he is not able to take care of my finances. These things pissed me off and I broke up. I'm not going into details but this time both our situations were bad really... And he tried to mend things so that happened after 3months.while we were broken up, his dad had a heart attack and at the time I helped him with the financial part, his EMIs were due for which I again stepped in, paid that and cleared it off. Fast forward 2024, I am insecure being so I kinda started a teasing fight with my boyfriend and he again got back to breakup, so this time we finally did breakup. Two days later I went back to mend things and have been trying to mend things for the last 3months, but his answer is a no, sometimes he says he has financial issues, sometimes he says that he just doesn't want a relationship anymore. In between all of this, his college fees was due so I took a bank loan and helped him pay that. Even after all of this he says that I have never loved him, I'm delusional. So finally I took the step of blocking him everywhere, he made it clear that he wants to remain good friends, he wants to talk to me but he doesn't want a relationship but I can't handle things that way. I loved the guy for love's sake. It was unconditional so now it's not possible for me that I talk to him casually and know it clearly in my mind that he probably hates me and doesn't want me as a girlfriend or a partner. He's a very sweet and supportive guy. I really do miss him. When things were good they were really good but idk what happened, what clicked and what changed that since 2023 we just couldn't get back on track. I'm sorry for making this read long, there are many details I may have missed as I am still not in a good mental situation. I've got only 3friends in my life and I live all by myself now. I've lost 8kgs weight since my breakup and it's taken a huge toll on my mental health. So guys, am I wrong to block him because I honestly do feel guilty at times, he wanted to be a friend, probably he needed the support but I denied him that and have closed all sorts of possible communication mediums.
In case you want any details, please let me know, I will be updating this. This is not at all well placed, but I hope I could explain the entire issue but yes for updates in order to comes to a decision, do comment and I will post the details.
Update:
I noticed my ex is now checking up my Instagram stories from a fake account( I realised it's his account when I saw the followers list was filled with his school time friends and none on the following list). It was 2days before I realised this and the following was happening for over a month now. I kept quiet about it but today I saw him at church, he came mid mass and when he saw me in the choir he turned away and sat along with the congregation (we're both a part of choir). So I sent him a text on his fake account confronting him that I know it's him and to not make things weird like this. Did I do the right thing? I don't know anything anymore. I am just way too confused, I know he's not gonna come back but then why all these actions from his end. Reddit please help me out here. I wanted to unsend the text but I didn't get an option to do that.
submitted by StrainFew7283 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 15:59 SpicyOrangeCrush What’s the best breakfast in Ohio?

We’re based in Columbus, but I’m willing to travel anywhere in the state for my breakfast-loving boyfriend’s birthday. Bonus points if the place is open on Saturdays!
submitted by SpicyOrangeCrush to Ohio [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 15:53 lecksick My dad believes my ex “really screwed with my mind and changed my perspective which has altered how I see him”

Until recently, I would have never said I thought my dad was a narcissist. It’s always just been “that’s how he is”. I was in a relationship for about 4 years, and while it was at times unstable and unhealthy, I saw how other families treated each other and I realized how different my perception of family was. My ex’s family would frequently ask how my life had been, how my grades were in college, how my career is going and everything in between. I felt included and loved. For the past 2 birthdays I did attend with my family, my dad did not speak to me and directed all attention to the men at the table, causing the drive home to be full of tears.
Things came to a head when my ex yelled at me and we had a blowout fight. I was scared for my safety. I went home to stay with my parents, and my dad was there to offer comfort. I opened up about previous sexual assault feeding into what the fight with my partner had been about, and my dad quickly shifted the conversation to complaining about his sex life with my mom. I opened up about how scary it was to be yelled at because of how hurtful that was to experience him yelling at me as a child, and he denied he yelled. He also messaged my ex at that time saying “everything is good, she just needs some time”. I completely dissociated and went back to my ex.
Presently, it’s been over a year since I’ve seen my dad. He would frequent a business that my friend works for (we were not on speaking terms at this time) and he aired out all my dirty laundry, condensing it to “I don’t know what’s going on with her and the boyfriend”. Eventually he cracked and sent me a tirade of texts, begging for forgiveness for whatever it was that he did, he recently had a breakthrough in his mental health with the use of CBD, he’s forgiven everyone who had done him wrong and has asked for forgiveness in return. Lots of hearts and crying emojis. Then sent more messages about studies on CBD. I basically said I would like to have a healthier relationship but he needed to get therapy and understand what a healthy relationship would need to be. Months later he asked to go to dinner. I reiterated that he needs to work on emotional growth and I’m not comfortable having a conversation until that happens. He responded that he knows I’m upset that he went to my friends, but he just did it because he knew I was struggling after my breakup (he did not bother to call me to check it or even text). He then delved into his traumatic past for the hundredth time. He said he believes my ex screwed with my mind and caused me to see him in a different way. He said he’s willing to talk things through, however, “without judgement”. He gave himself credit for getting me into therapy as a teenager when he saw I was struggling (I begged my mom for help, he did not do that).
I could go on. I guess I’m struggling coming to terms with who my dad really is and looking for some validation. My mom is an enabler and so are my siblings, so frequently I feel like I’m in the wrong. I will add I’ve been in therapy for a long time and am working hard to continue my work on my mental health. I would love a relationship with my family, but not at the cost of denying my reality and deflecting everything on past traumas.
submitted by lecksick to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 15:43 moondog151 A 16-year-old girl would google her mother's new boyfriend and discovery that he was a notorious double murderer who killed his previous girlfriend and child, stuffing their bodies into barrels and burying them on his property. She soon went missing, her mother having chosen the murderer over her.

A 16-year-old girl would google her mother's new boyfriend and discovery that he was a notorious double murderer who killed his previous girlfriend and child, stuffing their bodies into barrels and burying them on his property. She soon went missing, her mother having chosen the murderer over her.
(This case was sent my way via this post asking for case suggestions from my international readers since I focus on International cases.
So I would like to thank xzwkimin for informing me about this case. And as this case is from a country that I skipped over during America's Series, that means I am delaying the Japan case and going backward to do this one
There is also a very lengthy 1 hour long video on this case by Jackie Flores which I used as a guide since it was helpful. But rest assured, I did my own research, used by own words, included additional information and didn't just copy her.
And as you my expect from that prior statement, this is a huge case so information is surely missed so like always your own research is encouraged in case I missed anything.)
Ámbar Cornejo Llanos was born on February 14, 2004, in Villa Alemana, Chile to her mother born in 1982 and father Ulises Cornejo. Ulises was mostly absent and seemed to have separated from Denisse before Ámbar was even born. Not long after their separation, Denisse began dating a new man named Juan Carlos Pérez Aguirre, a friend of Denisse's since before Ámbar was even born. This relationship would result in them having two children and thus Ámbar having two step-siblings although one tragically passed away at 4 months old due to malnourishment brought about due to improper care. After the death, Denisse would fall into a depression, heavily drink and neglect Ámbar and her surviving brother. It got to the point where their school requested the two be removed from Denisse's custody as they were visibly not being taken care of. The request was granted and the two were removed from her custody and held in an Institution for minors.
Ámbar Cornejo Llanos
Denisse Llanos Lazcano
In 2009, Denisse had her final break up with Juan, their relationship was a dysfunctional on-again-off-again relationship with constant break ups and reunions but eventually, their final break up would come. Also in 2009, Denisse had improved enough for a court to deem it safe for Ámbar and her brother to be returned to her care. After the break-up, Denisse and Ulises appeared to reconcile and Ulises grew close to Ámbar.
On September 27, 2012, Ámbar confided in two of her school teachers that one of her friends had been sexually assaulted, after they called her friend's mother, she broke down and admitted that she had lied and was in fact talking about herself. Ámbar was taken to the police to give a statement and she told them that whenever her mother took her and her brother to visit Juan back when they were dating, Juan would sexually assault her during these visits. Juan was arrested and on November 25, 2013, The Oral Criminal Court of Viña del Mar sentenced him to three years imprisonment, ordered him to pay and cover the entire cost of the trial, prohibited him from even having any contact with Ámbar or her family, and had to disclose his address to the police. The court also again, took custody away from Denisse and sent her to live with Ulises for a few months, The no-contact order went both ways as Denisse was ordered to have nothing to do with Juan either so long as she wanted to raise Ámbar. Eventually, Ámbar was returned to Denisse's custody after she obeyed this court order.
Ulises, viewing Denisse as an unfit mother, and since he saw her as manipulative wanted to keep Ámbar. When Denisse found out, she prohibited her daughter from ever visiting her father and tried to manipulate her into disliking him, saying that it was his fault and that he was trying to break up their family. Ulises would also send money to the family for Ámbar but Denisse would often, not tell her when the money arrived and simply pocket and spend it for herself.
Denisse's plan to turn Ámbar against her father backfired and the older Ámbar got, the more strained her relationship with her mother would become. They would constantly argue and one time, Ámbar had a friend over when she and Denisse had another argument and Denisse moved to strike her daughter. Ámbar and the friend ran to another room and locked the door but Denise was so angry over whatever the fight was about that she hit the door with enough force to break it open. The only reason that Ámbar never defended herself was simple, according to friends, Ámbar told her that since Denisse gave birth to her, she was obligated to respect her mother and could never raise a hand to her.
Soon Denise would date another man, the landlord of their apartment, Manuel García Queirolo. Tragically, Manuel wouldn't be any better than Juan. Whenever he heard that Ámbar was showering, he'd use his position as the landlord to go to a room on the second floor that gave him a clear view through the bathroom window so he could watch Ámbar. Ámbar would eventually find out and inform her mother to which she told her and her brother to just not shower unless she were home. But beyond that, she took no action, she didn't even stop seeing Manuel. She actually did the opposite and got mad at Ámbar for being the subject of Juan and Manuel's lust. The worst of Manuel's depravity wouldn't come out or be known by others, even Ámbar until years later, that will be discussed further in the write-up.
With all this tragedy and her dysfunctional and abusive home life, one may expect Ámbar to have been troubled. But on the contrary, all her friends said she was happy, outgoing, kind, would do anything for them and loved to engage and share her hobbies with them such as dancing. Ámbar was deeply liked by all her classmates and was very popular. She had managed to not be defined by all that was going on in her life.
In late 2019, Denisse had found her next boyfriend, a man named Hugo Humberto Bustamante Pérez with the two moving in together in relatively short order. Ámbar was not very keen on Hugo and how fast their relationship was progressing, she also felt uneasy about him as well and how he looked at her. Ámbar told one of her friends about her mother's new boyfriend and her friend felt his name sounded familiar to the two looked him up and did not at all like what they had found.
Hugo Humberto Bustamante Pérez
Hugo Humberto Bustamante Pérez was born on March 28, 1965, in Quilpué as the third out of four siblings. His father worked as an electrician, and his mother a housekeeper with domestic violence a frequent occurrence in the household. His mother was described as neglectful while his father was actively abusive and had him put to work at the age of 8 to sell fruits and vegetables at markets. To escape his father's abuse during his most violent outbursts, he would go stay at his grandparent's house. At the young age of 13, he would fall into a drug addiction, starting with marijuana before escalating to opium and cocaine.
At the age of 15, his father kicked him out of the home so he went to Mendoza, Argentina and lived with a classmate. There he claimed to have travelled all to Bolivia, Peru, Spain and Brazil. He returned to Chile at the age of 18 and began stealing goods to sell back as well as trafficking drugs. When he was 20 he would, with the help of an accomplice take part in a scam where he would get on a bus, gain the trust of the passenger sitting next to him, offer a drink laced with sleeping pills and then steal their belongings as they passed out in the street. He would also attempt this on beaches as well.
Several times, Hugo would attempt to start romantic relationships but none of them would last particularly long usually breaking up almost immediately due to a lack of commitment from Hugo. For legitimate income, Hugo got into bodybuilding and according to him, he owned a nightclub. On May 27, 1987, Hugo was arrested for the first time on a charge of theft but he doesn't appear to have suffered severe consequences for this. He later began another relationship but this one seems to have lasted a little longer with them even having a child and Hugo getting employed as a serial guard. But they broke up shortly after the birth and in 1989 Hugo was arrested for nine counts of robbery, four counts of theft and 5 counts of armed and violent robbery earning him a 10-year prison sentence.
Hugo had a rough stint in prison, with his drug habits routinely sending him to a hospital in Valparaíso and often had extra security and shackles because he once tried escaping during a transfer. In 1992, he suddenly had a mental health crisis and was admitted to a mental hospital for 25 days. In 1995 he was granted parole but was sent back to prison 8 months later after violating it. He was finally released after serving his sentence in 1999. After serving his sentence he again attempted to turn his life around, getting a job painting and repairing cars and saving enough money to open his own store. He also took an interest in yoga and spiritualism. At a yoga class, we would meet 49-year-old kindergarten teacher Verónica Vásquez Puebla (born in 1955) who had a son named Eugenio Honorato Vásquez.
Verónica Vásquez Puebla and Eugenio Honorato Vásquez
Unlike Hugo's prior relationships, this one actually appeared to be promising. Eventually, Hugo asked Verónica for money for "home improvement" and initially she wouldn't hesitate to give her money away. Tragically, Hugo would begin squandering the relationship and would become abusive and temperamental. So on January 8, 2005, he came to ask for money, money that he had never paid back any time prior, Verónica finally said no having now wanted nothing to do with him.
When met with this reply, Hugo was left enraged. In his fit of rage, he grabbed a baseball bat and struck Verónica with it before strangling her. All the commotion had woken up 9-year-old Eugenio after being witnessed, Hugo set his sights on the child and began strangling him as well. Now that both were unconscious, he shoved a cloth down Verónica's throat, tied her hands and feet together and slit her throat. Afterward, he finished them by wrapping their heads in plastic wrap and tying a plastic bag around their heads. He then got a metal drum and hit their bodies repeatibly with a cane and breaking their bones so he could better fit Verónica and Eugenio's corpses inside. Then to hide the smell of decomposition, filled the drum with water, line and plaster before sealing it. He then proceeded to ransack Verónica's house to look for the money he had asked for and left once he found it.
He left the barrel in Verónica's home for a few days and blew her money on his old habits, that being drugs, drinking and prostitutes. Eventually, despite his methods to mask the odour, the bodies inside the drum began to smell. To deal with this, he bought a house with a patio and transferred the barrel to that property. He then asked his father if he could help him dig a hole in his yard. The hole was two meters deep and one meter wide. He asked the movers, moving in his furniture to help move the drum to the back of his house. Hugo was almost caught right then and there because liquid began leaking from the barrel but Hugo said that he worked in the food (specifically French Fry) industry and that it was a chemical from making the product. After everyone left, he buried the drum in the hole he had his father dig. Verónica's brother noticed she was missing and called her only to be answered by Hugo and said that she had gone on a spiritual retreat. Eventually, he and her family went looking for her and found her identification documents in a ditch. Hugo was again called and simply said she was bored with Verónica and hung up.
On January 26, Hugo's new neighbours called the police to report the smell and when they arrived, despite how confident Hugo was that he'd get away with it, and despite all the work he put into hiding his crime, he confessed immediately. The police placed Hugo under arrest while they excavated his yard and recovered the drum and the bodies. Tragically, the news broke at the same time as Hugo's daughter began making plans to reconnect with him. This murder gained Hugo the moniker of "The Drum Psychopath"
The police outside Hugo's house.
The police in Hugo's yard
The drum.
Hugo spent his first few months in a mental hospital where he boasted to the doctors about his economic situation and martial arts talent. Hugo's trial took place in November 2005 held by The Guarantee Court of Villa Alemana, and he was handed down a sentence of 27 years imprisonment with his release date set for January 26, 2032. Hugo would now be one of Chile's most infamous criminals and was the subject of an episode of "Mea Culpa"
Hugo being brought to court
Hugo was even given interviews while in prison, in one of these interviews he was asked if he would ever kill again if released and he would tell the interviewer that he didn't know because "I am not the master of destiny". He also told the interviewer that he was triggered by a whistling sound in his ear and he said that it was like watching a movie while he was killing Verónica and Eugenio.
On April 29, 2016, Hugo was put before a parole board and even though Hugo publically said to an interviewer that he was uncertain about whether he'd kill again or not, and even though the prison itself told the judges in charge of the parole hearings not to release him, they outraged all of Chile by granting him parole regardless on the basis of him serving 10 years, learning an actual skill he would use at a job while in prison and good behaviour meaning, legally, they had no reason to deny parole and he was released amongst 788 others. Hugo was despised by all the locals he was now living with, no employer would hire him for any more than a day so he mostly worked odd jobs. Even those who reluctantly admitted that Hugo was nice, added that he still seemed odd and one of his neighbours said "When he looked at you, it felt like he was undressing you with his eyes"
Neighbours would even put up flyers all across the area warning residents about Hugo and to make it clear to Hugo that he wasn't welcome. Parents even refused to let their children go outside alone now that Hugo was back and living alongside them and women wanted to be driven to work and driven home from work instead of walking. Even the mayor of Villa Alemana had ordered an extra police presence in the neighbourhood he moved into.
As soon as she finished reading up on his lengthy and disturbing history, Ámbar was left horrified. Denisse had had 4 partners, one sexually assaulted Ámbar when she was 8, the other was a blatant pedophile who would stare and watch her shower and now her newest one was a man who killed his girlfriend and her 9-year-old child. The only one of Denisse's partners that she actually treated with disdain and contempt was Ámbar's father who cared for and had her best interests in mind. Ámbar explained this all to Denisse who got mad at her daughter and started another fight since she saw Ámbar as judging her newest boyfriend without getting a chance to meet and know him. She even told her that everyone deserves a second chance despite barely knowing Hugo herself at this point.
Seeing as her mother remained stubborn, Ámbar went behind her back and wrote a complaint letter to the apartment's manager requesting that Hugo be banned from the premises. This complaint found its way to the public and soon the other residents of the apartment learnt that Hugo was living with them and essentially, they all came together to demand that they all leave and take Hugo with them. Leave they did but Denisse took Ámbar's brother and moved into Hugo's own home. But Denisse, now on the verge of hating Ámbar for not accepting her relationship with Hugo, punished her by abandoning her underaged daughter and having her live alone in the apartment with a very minuscule amount of money.
After only a week, Ámbar would have to leave the apartment and would go back and forth between staying at various different friend's houses but none were able to let her move in full-time. And she couldn't move into her father's place because he lived in Northern Chile and that would involve abandoning her brother and mother with Hugo. In December 2019, Ámbar moved in to live with Manuel's daughter who was old enough to have her own children and for Ámbar to refer to her as an "aunt". She was described as a much better mother figure than Ámbar's own mother and she was completely ignorant to Manuel's crimes so Ámbar felt safe around her and didn't hold her father's actions against her. And by this point, Denisse disowned Ámbar in all but name. She ended up having to repeat a grade and the school and teachers took note of this and tried to call Denisse 6 separate times for a parent-teacher conference only for her to get aggressive toward the teachers for even calling her at all.
The only interactions she would have with Denisse would be when child support was sent and Ámbar still all these years later had to go to Denisse's house to collect the money in person before her mother spent it all herself. And often she wouldn't even go inside, she'd just knock on the door, Denisse would give her the money without saying a word and close the door. And even if she didn't behave that way, Ámbar steadfastly refused to ever step foot inside Hugo's home. The latest payment was sent on July 29, 2020, when Ámbar told her "aunt" that she was going to head over. After three hours had passed Ámbar had yet to return home from Denisse's and wouldn't answer her phone her respond to any messages. Her Aunt actually called Denisse who blatantly didn't care about her daughter's disappearance and actually hung up the phone. Afterwards, the police were finally called.
Both the police and the entire neighbourhood dismissed the possibility of a runaway and together with the police, the entire neighbourhood began a search effort for Ámbar. Ulises also heard of what had been going on in Ámbar's life as well as her disappearance and immediately travelled to Villa Alemana to join in on the search and of course call and confront Denisse who would never answer or respond. Even when the police themselves showed up, Denisse refused to cooperate or help and ignored even those tasked with finding her daughter. Some witnesses even said that she just stood on her porch and drank a beer with Hugo while others tried finding her daughter
The police would put several flyers all across the local area appealing for information, questioned every neighbour they could find, and together with the Red Cross, firefighters and local volunteers searched the nearby grasslands, bushes, forests, mountains and so on utilizing sniffer dogs, drones and even thermal imaging cameras with the searches continuing into the night. A witness would also come forward and say that in the morning he drove by Ámbar and saw her crying as she walked away. One of Denisse's neighbours also said that in an unusual course of events, Ámbar actually entered Denisse and Hugo's home instead of waiting outside and that she didn't leave. This statement was supported by a CCTV camera showing her walking toward their house but never walking away.
Ámbar's missing notice
This time, simply ignoring them wouldn't work. On July 31, A large group of neighbours went to Hugo's house and waited for him to come outside so they could all gang up on and confront him and some wouldn't even let him go back inside. Hugo acted strangely amicable this time and even invited them to come inside and said the police could even bring in search dogs. Hugo even confidently stated, "If I had a body in here it would smell, Don't you think a body that's been here for 2 days would smell". This statement had the opposite effect of what Hugo had intended since as of now, most people thought Ámbar may still be alive.
Since he gave consent, everyone agreed and entered his home on August 3, including police with search dogs and although no human remains were found, they did find clothing with traces of human blood which were seized to be analyzed by forensics. The blood would end up being a red herring as it was old and belonged to Denisse. Even though Hugo seemed to have been in the clear for now, having just invited police onto his property and them finding nothing, he decided to, on August 3, with Denisse, leave Ámbar's brother in the care of one of his sisters and then the two would just flee and leave the area without notice. By now the search expanded to find them, as suspects to be arrested.
On August 6, photos were uploaded on social media showing Hugo and Denisse at a camp ground in Lilu Lilu trying to find someplace to hide, police also pulled CCTV footage from a store near the camping ground and saw the two buying clothes, hats and sunglasses in an attempt to hide their appearance. The police searched the nearby woods and found the two relatively easily and began interrogating them separately.
Hugo and Denisse at the campground
Denisse who clearly had no concern for her daughter's safety and disowned her over not accepting Hugo, turned on him very easily. She confessed that Hugo had murdered Ámbar and that she knew he did but was too afraid to come forward as Hugo had threatened her, her son and her parents and that he forced her to run away with him. According to her, Hugo had dug and torn up his living room floor to make a 6-foot ditch, bury her in it and refill the living room. The police believed Denisse and figured she'd be a valuable witness so they released her. Hugo exercised his right to remain silent and told the police nothing.
It was fortunate for the police that Hugo didn't need to speak. They checked his cell phone and found that from July 20-July 28 he had searched the following terms "Price of electric weapons, Ranged stun gun, Using chloroform to sleep, Sale of straightjacket psychiatry, Chinese bamboo torture, Chinese water drop torture, Ether sleeping spray, Using ether to put people to sleep, Medical use of scopolamine, Where to buy hydroxybutyric, Total and absolute power, How to change your first and last name, Psychological torture, Torture methods, Meat grinder price, Blows to faint, sleep or immobilize," and so much more which clearly showed that not only did Hugo premeditate Ámbar's murder, but that the murder was likely horrific. Inside his backpack were two knives, a hatchet, rope and a receipt for paint and paraffin wax.
The police easily obtained a warrant to search Hugo's home that same day. They broke up the floorboards in his living room and dug up the soil underneath. There they found three plastic coolers upside down and wrapped into plastic bags. The police removed the bags and opened up the coolers, there they found the decomposed, eviscerated and partially skeletal remains of a young girl, dismembered into 15 separate pieces. The remains were easily identified as Ámbar's based on her clothing. The autopsy revealed that Ámbar had been attacked and suffered numerous blunt force injuries across her body but especially to her hands, arms, forearms, buttocks and thighs. a cloth was stuffed down her mouth as seen with her head, and there were signs on the remains that she had been violently raped. According to the medical examiner, a saw and knife were used for the dismemberment
https://preview.redd.it/yobqrydqv54d1.png?width=710&format=png&auto=webp&s=8713a8ee0d0efdb04689406f2d9897214a07e97b
https://preview.redd.it/wfpw4m47u54d1.png?width=760&format=png&auto=webp&s=ddafe2a0402d76e0c2cc8d3cd6c729feb9f73dbd
https://preview.redd.it/ygeyfrwbu54d1.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=8019b513bad529d81215e0a2452b41ecb4cf9e54
Police and forensics
Meanwhile, the police faced backlash for releasing Denisse and not investigating her further, many did not believe her to be as innocent and a victim of Hugo as she portrayed, her prior history and actions during the search made that hard to believe. And even after her daughter's dismembered body was found under her living room, Denisse wasn't sad, mourning or even. After several threats including her apartment being vandalized as she was led home under her police guard and threats over the phone, Denisse was sent to a psychiatric institute after attempting to take her own life. The backlash continued after it was revealed that the institute was being kept anonymous as a "witness protection" situation.
And speaking of outage, outrage toward the Chilean government and judiciary was immense as Hugo's release led to Ámbar's death. The families of Verónica and Eugenio were also furious that their killer got to go free to kill again instead of serving his sentence. The outrage was in fact so intense, that the judge who approved Hugo's release was even suspended and investigated for misconduct. Eventually, though, she was reinstated with no consequences because although the law was flawed, she was doing her job as a judge by following it. Instead, Chile changed their laws to make the parole process much more thorough and over all harder to have parole answered as opposed to the rubber stamp process it was before.
On September 24, Denisse was removed from Witness Protection and instead placed under arrest with now the police labelling her a murderer instead of a witness. The police ended up going through Hugo's entire phone history, Denisse's, and CCTV footage around the area before and immediately after the murder which showed that Denisse was an active participant. Denisse's motive was simple yet heartbreaking and horrifying. She had on some level wanted to do this ever since their neighbours forced them to leave their apartment because of Hugo, she and Hugo both said that Ámbar wasn't letting them live together as a romantic couple in peace and she saw Ámbar as coming in between him and Hugo and that as long as her daughter was alive, she would never be with the man she wanted.
Denisse's arrest
While in prison, she was the most hated inmate by her fellow inmates and her own cellmate said that she would "make life impossible" and went out of her way to stay up late just to make sure that she could keep Denisse awake and not let her sleep. This led to Denisse being moved to solitary confinement after a "lynching" attempt. A move that infuriated the public and her fellow inmates. It also upset Hugo who was said to have been begging the courts to let him visit Denisse.
Denisse and Hugo were both tried together with the trial beginning on October 26, 2021, at The Oral Criminal Court of Viña del Mar. During the trial which was held over video link due to COVID-19. Denisse somehow found a way to play Ámbar's favorite music which the court and her relatives saw as a provocation. with the prosecution calling over 54 witnesses, 113 relevant documents, 30 expert reports, and the prosecution presented strong DNA evidence, Psychiatric reports showing them to both be sane, and biochemical reports. According to the prosecution, this is what happened.
Hugo and Denisse during the trial
On July 29, 2020, Ámbar was called by Denisse to pick up the money sent by Ulises. Before Ámbar arrived her now 14-year-old brother was sent to school to pick something up so that he couldn't be a witness to the crime. When Ámbar arrived, Denisse refused to go outside, meet her and hand her the money like always, instead, she insisted and demanded that she enter the home if she wanted it. Somehow, she did convince her and Ámbar went inside where she was immediately attacked by her mother and Hugo with Hugo proceeding to rape Ámbar.
Soon a problem in their plan emerged when Ámbar's brother returned home much quicker than Denisse had expected him to. When Denisse saw her through the windows she hurriedly ran outside and told him that they needed to go to their old apartment because they had gotten a call that someone was breaking in. He couldn't see anything that was going on and really needed to use the bathroom, but his mother insisted that they had to leave now and when he moved past Denisse to use the bathroom, Hugo from the inside kept pushing the door shut so he couldn't enter, something he found odd. He was only allowed in after Hugo dragged his sister's body to another room and closed the door. When he was finally let in to use the bathroom, he heard a loud thumping noise coming from the other room. He left the bathroom and didn't even ask about the noises but Hugo felt the need to frantically explain them away and say it was his mother coming over for a visit and folding clothes. Ámbar's brother was one of the prosecution's star witnesses.
Hugo, now left alone, began dismembering Ámbar into the aforementioned 15 pieces and placed them into the coolers while CCTV cameras showed Denisse and her son at a metro station on the way to their apartment. Denisse showed no reaction to helping her boyfriend rape and murder her daughter. While at the metro station, she sent the following text messages to Hugo. "I'm more calm now, I love you, kisses", "I hope everything goes well for you", "See you tomorrow" and "Good night love" That second message was her wishing Hugo luck in disposing of her daughter's body. They also exchanged 14 phone calls. When they arrived at the apartment, Denisse had her son stay there while she rushed to a store to purchase paint and paraffin wax. Denisse was caught on CCTV doing this and the cashier was called to testify. To keep him away from their home, Denisse had her son stay at the apartment alone for the night as she returned.
Hugo and Denisse then went to the living room to remove the wooden floorboards in the living room, dig a six-foot hole through the soil underneath the floor, dumped the coolers into the hole, filled the hole back in, and placed new replacement floorboards where the old ones were and nailed them back to the floor sealing up the makeshift grave. The paraffin wax was used to try and keep any search dogs from detecting the stench of decomposition. Neighbours heard the sound of equipment such as drills and hammers being used but that the sounds were spaced out as if Hugo and Denisse were trying to be quiet with them. Denisse then wrapped Ámbar's cell phone in aluminum foil, burnt it and discarded it in a crawl space. Denisse's fingerprints were pulled from this foil. Denisse's shoes were also examined and traces of wax were found on the soles. Hugo seemed supremely confident that he would never be caught but as soon as he was confronted by his neighbours he was suddenly terrified and frantically told Denisse that they needed to run away.
On November 26, 2021, the two were found guilty and on December 7. both were sentenced to life imprisonment without the possibility of parole until at least 40 years into the sentence meaning the two won't even have the possibility of release until Hugo is at least in his 90s. It wasn't just murder the two were convicted of, they also were sentenced for rape and abuse, tragically not just that of Ámbar. Ámbar's brother wasn't just a major in the murder case, Hugo and Denisse had been sexually abusing him as well this whole time and the two were sent to prison for those crimes. For the sake of his protection, specific details involving his case have thankfully not been made public. They were both acquitted on the charge of illegally burying a body and Denisse was acquitted on the charge of raping Ámbar. They both appealed the verdict and sentence but on June 2, 2022, the Chilean Supreme Court upheld the decision.
Now I mentioned that Manuel García Queirolo would be brought up again as his actions were even more heinous, Well, during her disappearance and murder, the Cyber Crime Unit was investigating Manuel for completely unrelated reasons, he was suspected of producing and possessing child pornography on his cell phone and other sex crimes from 2016-2020. On August 17, 2020, he was placed under arrest while investigators went through his phone. As they expected, he did possess mutable inappropriate images of minors.
Manuel's arrest
Horrifyingly enough, 400 of which were all of Ámbar back when she lived in his property. Aside from photographing her while she was showering, he also had pictures of upskirts and pictures taken up her dresses and the phone camera zoomed in to focus on her privates. Ámbar never found out about these images. On December 15, 2021, Manuel was convicted by The Oral Criminal Trial Court of Viña del Mar and sentenced to 14 years imprisonment on December 27.
Ámbar's other relatives, friends and various women's rights organizations were satisfied with the verdict and even celebrated in the streets. The families of Verónica and Eugenio were also pleased to know that he was back in prison. For Hugo and Denisse, they are likely to never see each other face to face ever again. Ironically, that is despite being in the same prison. On April 27, 2022, Denisse was transferred to the same prison as Hugo after an apparent "lynching" attempt which led to lacerations on the scalp, bruises on both sides of the neck, an orbital hematoma, a laceration in the right eye, a wound on the lower lip, a hematoma in the lumbar dorsal area and on the left elbow. Although she has been attacked several times before this was the most brutal one.
Ámbar's brother is now 17-18 and is living with other family on Ulises's side. He is said to be doing well, has made several new friends and has moved on and put this incident behind him with his life looking up for him.
Sources (In the Comments)
submitted by moondog151 to TrueCrimeDiscussion [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 14:14 goldenthumbss Can I brag about my boyfriend on here?? I’ve never said all of this to anyone

I just want to brag on my boyfriend because I don’t feel like I can do it in real life without sounding like a bitch tbh 😭 but my boyfriend is so amazing I don’t know how I got so lucky.. we’ve been together for almost 5 years and it wasn’t always this way but we were each others first serious relationships so we’ve grown and been through a lot together to get to where we are now which is a very comfortable and healthy relationship.
First about him- He’s: •Tall, dark, extremely handsome •Muscular, works out and likes to eat healthy •Is well educated with a bachelors degree and perusing a masters •Is an engineer at NASA •Is financially responsible and smart with money •Is the smartest person I know •Is extremely funny and always makes me laugh •Is a good listener
The things he does that makes me love him: •Always makes me feel beautiful •Always surprises me with flowers, gifts, snacks •Encourages me to be a better person in every way •Supports my goals even if they are stupid 😭 •Gives me good advice (I always regret not listening) •Gives financial advice (I suck w/ money he’s good w/ money) •Loves our cats like children (made them cat birthday cakes yesterday and bought them nice toys 🥹) •Is never selfish in any way •Is always patient with me •Encourages us to talk and communicate after fights •Helps care for the stray animals I take home (and lets me take them home lol)
He’s def out of my league and i’m just happy for him to be in my life lol.. but im not going to show him this post. If he does find it though, I love youuu 💕💕
submitted by goldenthumbss to love [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 14:06 Shoobeedoowa I have no urge to drink anymore and it kinda feels weird

Hi all! I've been a heavy drinker since high school. Always binging and going way too far; acute pancreatitis in high school! Also the child of two parent alcoholics. Late into college I started to chill out but it never really went away. I think my two times being pregnant is the longest I've been without drinking.
Well I just had my 30th birthday last month and it ended up with me passing out super early and my boyfriend being disappointed that what could have been a great day together, ended early from my excessive drinking. Days after, I will still going at the bottle we had gotten and then I just couldn't take it any more. I'm sick of feeling ashamed and feeling like I missed out on a fun time because drinking went too far. Im sick of waking up and wanting more. Im sick of hiding my drinking. I'm sick of riding the fine line between "normal" drinking and having a problem. When we all know it's all a problem.
I'll be a month sober next week and though I've been a bit more short tempered with my kids and eating a bunch of junk food, I feel great! I have no urge to drink and it kinda feels weird because I thought I would. I thought it would be harder. Maybe one day it will be. But today I will not drink!
This community is something I look forward to seeing every day as a reminder that I'm doing the right thing. I'm so over a life of crap and can't wait to see what life has in store for me next on this new journey!
submitted by Shoobeedoowa to stopdrinking [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 13:40 Hot_Pilot6926 My (22F) boyfriend (22M) says I cheated on him and is now shaming my character. But I don't consider what I did as "cheating" Need some insights.

Me (22F) and my boyfriend (22M) have been in this relationship for more than a year. About three months back, we had a terrible fight. At the end he'd said, "I can't be with you anymore. Leave me alone" I loved him a lot (I still do) and could not imagine losing him, so I tried to calm myself down and said "No, we'll talk about this when we are both calm and collected. I'll give you some space right now, think clearly for a few days and let me know if breaking up is what you really want" then we'd gone our separate ways. I had cried the entire way to my home. We are in the same uni and that's how we met. The next day, I was too shattered to go to my classes. The day after that, again I was too shattered to go. I'd missed two days, while he had gone, and he didn't even call or text to ask if I was okay. On the third day, I'd left a few "just checking in" texts, which he had left on 'delivered'. He had also been ignoring my calls, however on the third day, he had picked one of them and had straight up yelled "Why are you calling me? I said its over between us. Its over." and had cut the call. I had cried and cried and cried, to the point I would be shaking and throwing up.
I was completely broken. It was the lowest point of my life, losing the person I loved with my whole heart, because it was the phone call that had confirmed, he was really done. I couldn't think straight, my head was spinning, and eyes were puffy all the time. At the time, it happened to be one of my old friend's birthday. A male friend. I didn't even remember it was his birthday, I found out about it through snapchat's notification. And since he was a close childhood friend who had also wished me, I had, halfheartedly, wished him just a simple 'happy birthday' now mind you, he is as platonic of a friend as anyone can be. I have never had any feelings for him, and neither has he. We were childhood friends, known him since I was 13 and had a falling out when I had changed schools. In the recent years, we had met each other just ONCE, before I had even started dating my current boyfriend and it wasn't even a date with him, just a catching up with an old friend after years. This friend, I had known him for 8 years and he is like a brother to me.
The problem though, after I had wished him, he carried on with the conversation, asking me where I was rn and how I was. I replied normally and asked him about himself. He said that he was fine but had a recent break up he was trying to move on from. He asked about my dating life, since he had seen pictures of my boyfriend I had posted, and he asked how and where we met, the basic stuff. And since he had talked about his breakup, I told him what was going on in my relationship too, thinking it would make me feel lighter to talk to SOMEONE and get it off my chest. Not in details, just said stuff like "That's so relatable" I told him my boyfriend hadn't been talking to me and I was terrible. At one point, he had said "Dude, you'll find someone else, someone much better who doesn't make you cry" just how FRIENDS do. I ended the conversation a few minutes later.
The next day, I did go to my classes, and since we always used to sit together before the breakup, I went to the designated seat and sat beside him. We had numerous eye contacts throughout the day but neither of us spoke to the other. By the end of the day, he said he wanted to talk and I said 'Alright' so we went to a cafe nearby and had a heart to heart, he said that I was right, and he had just needed some time to cool off. He apologized and we made up. We kissed and said 'I love you' to each other for the very first time. However, I don't even remember at what point, but he had apparently seen the texts from last night. The one between my friend and I. He didn't say or ask anything about them. I was blissfully unaware and over the moon for having made up with him.
However, a month or so back, he suddenly started acting distant, said he needed to think and that he felt insecure in the relationship. We were still behaving normal, but he would have random episodes where he would go distant. I continuously asked him what was wrong and after a lot of pestering, he finally revealed that it was those messages. He said he had seen them months ago and that they didn't bother him at first but the more he thought of them, the more betrayed he felt. I told him I had completely forgotten about those texts. I promised him there was nothing at all between us and it was just a casual conversation I was having with my friend, and if it was of ANY significance, I would have told him and that there was nothing for me to hide from him.
He didn't believe me and said he couldn't trust me anymore. I apologized and have done so a million times in the last month. The last one month, we have had countless arguments regarding this. He has accused me of cheating, of breaking his trust, his heart and has said numerous hurtful things to me, questioning my loyalty, my character. I also blocked my friend from all the social media accounts, but he says it doesn't matter, and what hurt him the most was me talking about our relationship problems to someone else. It is fair for him to be mad, I do realize I shouldn't have done that. I have apologized, not for 'cheating' as he claims, since I never did that, but for breaking his trust.
Since then, I have tried to reassure him that I only love him, that I am only his, but he says he feels hollow inside and doesn't trust anything I say. He has started doubting my every move, every word. I text him a minute later than usual, and he accuses me of talking to someone else. He has also said we should end it, since there's no trust left anymore, but I practically begged him to stay and give me a chance. Just one chance. I told him I didn't realize me talking to a friend would hurt him so bad and now that I know how hurtful this is, I will NEVER repeat it. I have also told him that if I do ANYTHING to hurt him again, he was free to leave and never look back, but to give me just one chance to learn from my mistakes and correct them.
He had agreed, but there are certain taunts I still have to listen to. He keeps taunting me, subtly saying that I am a cheater. He has also sl*t shamed me multiple times, and it HURTS, because he is my whole entire world, and I have never even thought of anyone else in the same way. I love him and only him. But how do I make him trust me? How do I not get offended by his hurtful comments? How do we move forward? It feels like he hates me and there's not a single day I haven't gone to sleep crying after having an argument with him. We had planned our whole future together, but Idk how we can sustain it anymore. I can listen to his taunts and his complaints, but I cannot accept him slt-shaming me.
Some more context, he also has multiple female friends, who share their relationship problems with him. He goes out with them (in groups and sometimes one on one for coffee and such). They are tight knit and have been since before I entered his life. They have lunches together, make jokes, share inside jokes and have fun together, and I have never had any problem with that. Although sometimes it prickles, I ignore the insecurity because I decide to trust him instead. So why is me having a friend of the opposite gender such a crime? Why am I a sl*t for talking to my friend but its justified for him because they're friends? He has also done multiple hurtful things to me, but I always choose to understand and forgive, hoping he will learn, and giving him the benefit of the doubt. So why can't he do the same for me? Why am I such a villain in his eyes just for trying to ease my load of hurt but talking to a FRIEND? If he had done the same and if it was a person who was just a platonic friend to him, I would have understood, especially if he had apologized to me as many times as I have done.
TLDR: I had a conversation with my male friend about my relationship problems, and now my boyfriend thinks I am a cheater and questions my character. How do I win his trust? How do we move forward?
submitted by Hot_Pilot6926 to Advice [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 13:36 Hot_Pilot6926 My (22F) boyfriend (22M) says I cheated on him and is now shaming my character. But I don't consider what I did as "cheating" Need some insights.

Me and my boyfriend have been in this relationship for more than a year. About three months back, we had a terrible fight. At the end he'd said, "I can't be with you anymore. Leave me alone" I loved him a lot (I still do) and could not imagine losing him, so I tried to calm myself down and said "No, we'll talk about this when we are both calm and collected. I'll give you some space right now, think clearly for a few days and let me know if breaking up is what you really want" then we'd gone our separate ways. I had cried the entire way to my home. We are in the same uni and that's how we met. The next day, I was too shattered to go to my classes. The day after that, again I was too shattered to go. I'd missed two days, while he had gone, and he didn't even call or text to ask if I was okay. On the third day, I'd left a few "just checking in" texts, which he had left on 'delivered'. He had also been ignoring my calls, however on the third day, he had picked one of them and had straight up yelled "Why are you calling me? I said its over between us. Its over." and had cut the call. I had cried and cried and cried, to the point I would be shaking and throwing up.
I was completely broken. It was the lowest point of my life, losing the person I loved with my whole heart, because it was the phone call that had confirmed, he was really done. I couldn't think straight, my head was spinning, and eyes were puffy all the time. At the time, it happened to be one of my old friend's birthday. A male friend. I didn't even remember it was his birthday, I found out about it through snapchat's notification. And since he was a close childhood friend who had also wished me, I had, halfheartedly, wished him just a simple 'happy birthday' now mind you, he is as platonic of a friend as anyone can be. I have never had any feelings for him, and neither has he. We were childhood friends, known him since I was 13 and had a falling out when I had changed schools. In the recent years, we had met each other just ONCE, before I had even started dating my current boyfriend and it wasn't even a date with him, just a catching up with an old friend after years. This friend, I had known him for 8 years and he is like a brother to me.
The problem though, after I had wished him, he carried on with the conversation, asking me where I was rn and how I was. I replied normally and asked him about himself. He said that he was fine but had a recent break up he was trying to move on from. He asked about my dating life, since he had seen pictures of my boyfriend I had posted, and he asked how and where we met, the basic stuff. And since he had talked about his breakup, I told him what was going on in my relationship too, thinking it would make me feel lighter to talk to SOMEONE and get it off my chest. Not in details, just said stuff like "That's so relatable" I told him my boyfriend hadn't been talking to me and I was terrible. At one point, he had said "Dude, you'll find someone else, someone much better who doesn't make you cry" just how FRIENDS do. I ended the conversation a few minutes later.
The next day, I did go to my classes, and since we always used to sit together before the breakup, I went to the designated seat and sat beside him. We had numerous eye contacts throughout the day but neither of us spoke to the other. By the end of the day, he said he wanted to talk and I said 'Alright' so we went to a cafe nearby and had a heart to heart, he said that I was right, and he had just needed some time to cool off. He apologized and we made up. We kissed and said 'I love you' to each other for the very first time. However, I don't even remember at what point, but he had apparently seen the texts from last night. The one between my friend and I. He didn't say or ask anything about them. I was blissfully unaware and over the moon for having made up with him.
However, a month or so back, he suddenly started acting distant, said he needed to think and that he felt insecure in the relationship. We were still behaving normal, but he would have random episodes where he would go distant. I continuously asked him what was wrong and after a lot of pestering, he finally revealed that it was those messages. He said he had seen them months ago and that they didn't bother him at first but the more he thought of them, the more betrayed he felt. I told him I had completely forgotten about those texts. I promised him there was nothing at all between us and it was just a casual conversation I was having with my friend, and if it was of ANY significance, I would have told him and that there was nothing for me to hide from him.
He didn't believe me and said he couldn't trust me anymore. I apologized and have done so a million times in the last month. The last one month, we have had countless arguments regarding this. He has accused me of cheating, of breaking his trust, his heart and has said numerous hurtful things to me, questioning my loyalty, my character. I also blocked my friend from all the social media accounts, but he says it doesn't matter, and what hurt him the most was me talking about our relationship problems to someone else. It is fair for him to be mad, I do realize I shouldn't have done that. I have apologized, not for 'cheating' as he claims, since I never did that, but for breaking his trust.
Since then, I have tried to reassure him that I only love him, that I am only his, but he says he feels hollow inside and doesn't trust anything I say. He has started doubting my every move, every word. I text him a minute later than usual, and he accuses me of talking to someone else. He has also said we should end it, since there's no trust left anymore, but I practically begged him to stay and give me a chance. Just one chance. I told him I didn't realize me talking to a friend would hurt him so bad and now that I know how hurtful this is, I will NEVER repeat it. I have also told him that if I do ANYTHING to hurt him again, he was free to leave and never look back, but to give me just one chance to learn from my mistakes and correct them.
He had agreed, but there are certain taunts I still have to listen to. He keeps taunting me, subtly saying that I am a cheater. He has also sl*t shamed me multiple times, and it HURTS, because he is my whole entire world, and I have never even thought of anyone else in the same way. I love him and only him. But how do I make him trust me? How do I not get offended by his hurtful comments? How do we move forward? It feels like he hates me and there's not a single day I haven't gone to sleep crying after having an argument with him. We had planned our whole future together, but Idk how we can sustain it anymore. I can listen to his taunts and his complaints, but I cannot accept him slt-shaming me.
Some more context, he also has multiple female friends, who share their relationship problems with him. He goes out with them (in groups and sometimes one on one for coffee and such). They are tight knit and have been since before I entered his life. They have lunches together, make jokes, share inside jokes and have fun together, and I have never had any problem with that. Although sometimes it prickles, I ignore the insecurity because I decide to trust him instead. So why is me having a friend of the opposite gender such a crime? Why am I a sl*t for talking to my friend but its justified for him because they're friends? He has also done multiple hurtful things to me, but I always choose to understand and forgive, hoping he will learn, and giving him the benefit of the doubt. So why can't he do the same for me? Why am I such a villain in his eyes just for trying to ease my load of hurt but talking to a FRIEND? If he had done the same and if it was a person who was just a platonic friend to him, I would have understood, especially if he had apologized to me as many times as I have done.
TLDR: I had a conversation with my male friend about my relationship problems, and now my boyfriend thinks I am a cheater and questions my character. How do I win his trust? How do we move forward?
submitted by Hot_Pilot6926 to relationships [link] [comments]


2024.06.02 13:31 geopolicraticus Carl von Clausewitz’s Moral Science of Warfare

Carl von Clausewitz

01 June 1780 to 16 November 1831
Part of a Series on the Philosophy of History
Carl von Clausewitz’s Moral Science of Warfare
Saturday 01 June 2024 is the 244th anniversary of the birth of Carl von Clausewitz (01 June 1780 to 16 November 1831), who was born on this date in Burg bei Magdeburg in 1780. (Wikipedia says that Clausewitz was born on the first of July, rather than June, but it’s possible to find pictures of Clausewitz’s grave marker, which gives his birth date as the first of June, so I will take this date as definitive.)
Clausewitz is remembered as the philosopher of war, and I have many times said that the philosophy of war and the philosophy of history are close cousins. If we hold that war is the motor that drives history forward, which many philosophers have argued, then was is the causal mechanism by which history is realized. Hegel and Marx in particular are associated with this view. We could even say that war is the reality of which history is the appearance.
And Clausewitz knew war. It was during the Napoleonic Wars that Clausewitz experienced his baptism by fire, so that his book On War is an account of war during the Napoleonic wars, and it is from On War that a mature conception of war has evolved and continues to evolve. By a “mature conception” I mean a theoretically mature conception of war. Since war inflames passions and feeds off irrationality, it can be difficult to engage with the topic of war with the requisite scientific disinterestedness. Clausewitz was the first to bring the attitude to the Enlightenment to war, and to seek to understand war as a rational process. One could argue that Hegel was doing something like this from a philosophical perspective at about the same time, but Clausewitz was a soldier with intellectual interests, while Hegel was a philosopher with an interest in history. The results were bound to be very different, and they were.
Also, Clausewitz’s understanding of Enlightenment rationalism took place when the romantic reaction against Enlightenment rationalism was already well underway, so, again Clausewitzs rationalism was bound to differ from the high Enlightenment representatives like Gibbon, Hume, and Condorcet. It might even be argued that the changes to Enlightenment rationalism that followed from the romantic reaction facilitated the very possibility of applying scientific reason to an object of knowledge as apparently irrational as war. There is an excellent book about post-Enlightenment science, The Age of Wonder: How the Romantic Generation Discovered the Beauty and Terror of Science by Richard Holmes, that tells the story of the development of science during the romantic era. Holmes doesn’t discuss Clausewitz, but it would have fit nicely into the narrative.
As the scientific revolution continued to unfold, new influences came to bear upon the development of science, and this in turn opened up scientific knowledge to further frontiers. Clausewitz reflects both Enlightenment and romantic epistemic imperatives. We can find in Clausewitz an intimation of the distinction between nomothetic and idiographic science:
“One may laugh at these reflections and consider them utopian dreams, but one would do so at the expense of philosophic truth. Philosophy teaches us to recognize the relations that essential elements bear to one another, and it would indeed be rash from this to deduce universal laws governing every single case, regardless of all haphazard influences. Those people, however, who ‘never rise above anecdote’ as a great writer said, and who would construct all history of individual cases-starting always with the most striking feature, the high point of the event, and digging only as deep as suits them, never get down to the general factors that govern the matter. Consequently their findings will never be valid for more than a single case; indeed they will consider a philosophy that encompasses the general run of cases as a mere dream.” (On War, Book Six, p. 374)
This is still true today for those who insist that history is exclusively idiographic. In another work, The Campaign of 1812 in Russia (1823 - 1825), Clausewitz gave an account of history that seems highly idiographic, but which does not necessarily exclude the possibility of assimilating events to a nomothetic explanation:
“Although we are not inclined to see the events of this world as resulting from individual causes but always take them as the complex product of many forces, so that the loss of a single component can never produce a complete reversal {but only a partial transformation relative to the significance of the component}, we must nevertheless recognize that great results have often arisen from seemingly small events, and that an isolated cause, strongly exposed to the workings of chance, often brings forth universal effects.” (Chapter V, From The Campaign of 1812 in Russia (1823 - 1825))
Clausewitz had enough of the Enlightenment in him that he looked for the relations that essential elements bear to one another in war, and he was enough of a romantic that he recognized that it would be rash to deduce universal laws governing every single case. So should the study of war be idiographic or nomothetic? As I read Clausewitz, it’s a little of both, and it needs to be a little of both. As our theoretical framework for understanding war increases in sophistication and detail, we might be able to assimilate more individual cases to universal laws, but we won’t exhaust individual cases any time soon.
In an introductory essay to the English translation of On War by Peter Paret we find this description of Clausewitz’s intellectual independence, which was probably a necessary condition for this project:
“…important for our purpose is the intellectual independence with which he approached the fundamental military issues of the age, as well as his sympathy with the aims of humanistic education, and his conviction that the study of history must be at the center of any advanced study of war.” (p. 8)
Clausewitz himself makes the importance of history explicit:
“While there may be no system, and no mechanical way of recognizing the truth, truth does exist. To recognize it one generally needs seasoned judgment and an instinct born of long experience. While history may yield no formula, it does provide an exercise for judgment here as everywhere else.”
Clausewitz is here making a logical point that would later, in the twentieth century, be recognized as the decision problem. A whole series of metalogical theorems on decidability have been proved for various calculi. The problem is to determine a yes or no answer to a question about a theorem, for example, whether or not a given proposition is a theorem of a given system. History is of course much too complex to be reduced to any calculus, so no currently conceivable decision procedure is out of reach for history.
Even if history provides us with no formulae, it still can be a source of insight and judgment. Clausewitz elsewhere in On War goes even further and seems to deny that systemic study could be effective:
“History provides the strongest proof of the importance of moral factors and their often incredible effect: this is the noblest and most solid nourishment that the mind of a general may draw from a study of the past. Parenthetically, it should be noted that the seeds of wisdom that are to bear fruit in the intellect are sown less by critical studies and learned monographs than by insights, broad impressions, and flashes of intuition.” (On War)
Given the state of our knowledge of history, Clausewitz is probably right about this, and we have to mostly depend on insight, impressions, and intuition. However, I would argue that Clausewitz leaves this problem open-ended, especially in light of the earlier quote in which he mentions rising above anecdotes, as insights, impressions, and intuitions without even the possibility of assimilating these to general laws would amount to little more than anecdote, which Clausewitz explicitly says we must rise above.
There is another sense in which we can say that history informs our theoretical conceptions. Raymond Aron wrote a study of Clausewitz, Clausewitz: Philosopher of War, in which he makes an interesting observation:
“In his youth, he introduced moral forces into his theory; in his maturity, he introduced the conceptual distinction needed to reconcile the transhistoric theory with history, in other words the two extreme forms of war, each one conditioned or determined by circumstances or political intentions. In order to establish the equality of status in the two types of war, he had to recognize the unreality of absolute war which in many texts he represented as the only one consistent with the concept.”
Aron is suggesting that Clausewitz’s chief theoretical conception, absolute war, was unreal, but that it is conditioned and determined by historical circumstances. For Aron, history was the force that made theory responsive to practice. This is not all that different from the saying attributed to Thucydides, viz. that history is philosophy teaching by example. Thucydides also said that war is a stern master, and it brings men down to the level of their circumstances. Clausewitz knew this first hand, and when the lessons that philosophy teaches are the lessons of men being humbled despite the pretences to some higher position in the world, then we have been well and truly humbled.
We could call Thucydides’ observation about war being a stern master the Copernican principle of war, because it forces all participants into a recognition of their smallness within and peripherality to the bigger picture. Clausewitz himself had his share of Thucydides’ Copernican principle of war. He was in the thick of things during the Napoleonic wars, serving as aide-de-camp to Prince Augustus Ferdinand of Prussia at the Battle of Jena-Auerstadt on 14 October 1806, where Hegel had glimpsed Napoleon and called him the world-spirit on horseback. Hegel fled Jena carrying the manuscript of his Phenomenology of Mind. Clausewitz was taken prisoner of war along with 25,000 others and spent two years as a prisoner of war in France after the catastrophic defeat of the Prussians at Jena. So Clausewitz experienced war as a stern master and he knew the bitterness of total defeat.
Fichte had also felt the weight of the German defeat by the French. In my episode on Fichte I talked about how he had given a series of public lectures subsequently published as Addresses to a German Nation. When Fichte was delivering this talk he is quoted as having said:
“I know very well what I risk; I know that a bullet may kill me, like Palm; but it is not this that I fear, and for my cause I would gladly die.”
War was also a stern master to Fichte; even those who were not soldiers like Clausewitz risked all. Like Fichte, Clausewitz believed that his people could rally, overcome defeat, and eventually regain their political autonomy. Machiavelli, too, had known defeat and had seen his people humiliated by an occupying force, which was also the French, but several hundred years earlier. Fichte wrote an essay about Machiavelli, which, after Clausewitz read it, he sent a letter to Fichte about his Machiavelli essay. In Clausewitz’s letter to Fichte he wrote this:
“This true spirit of war seems to me to consist in mobilizing the energies of every soldier to the greatest possible extent and in infusing him with warlike feelings, so that the fire of war spreads to every component of the army instead of leaving numerous dead coals in the mass. To the extent that this depends on the art of war, it is achieved by the manner in which the individual is treated, but even more by the manner in which he is employed. The modern art of war, far from using men like simple machines, should vitalize individual energies as far as the nature of its weapons permits—which, to be sure, establishes a limit, for an essential condition of large forces is to have the kind of organization that permits them to be led by a rational will without excessive friction.” (Letter to Fichte)
For Clausewitz, friction was a technical term. He wrote an entire chapter on friction in On War, saying, among much else:
“Friction is the only concept that more or less corresponds to the factors that distinguish real war from war on paper. The military machine—the army and everything related to it—is basically very simple and therefore seems easy to manage. But we should bear in mind that none of its components is of one piece: each part is composed of individuals, every one of whom retains his potential of friction.” (On War)
Returning to the previous quote, Clausewitz names three conditions of modern war as: 1) mobilizing the energies of individual soldiers, 2) leading them with a rational will, and 3) doing so without excessive friction. We don’t have to strain too much to see these conditions of modern war as conditions of the possibility of mass warfare that was eventually realized as the First World War, which I also call the first planetary-scale industrial war.
Clausewitz, fighting in the Napoleonic wars, was positioned to see the prehistory of industrialized warfare. A hundred years later, the prehistory of industrialized warfare eventually morphed into the history of industrial warfare in the strict sense. In my episode on Ernst Jünger I described industrialized warfare as a boundary condition out of which novel forms of modernity emerge. In particular, mechanized warfare is a boundary condition for an emergent form of heroism distinctive to mechanized warfare. Something qualitatively new had appeared in history, and this novel emergent generated a cluster of other emergents for which mechanized warfare was the boundary condition.
The conditions that Clausewitz described were the boundary conditions for industrialized warfare. Ernst Jünger was positioned to see and describe the emergence of true industrialized warfare, as Clausewitz was positioned to see its prehistory. The two authors testify to distinct periods in the development of planetary-scale industrialized warfare. This is a development that continues today, and continues to generate philosophical commentary on the novel emergents that have appeared in history as a result of industrialized warfare.
Today is not only the birthday of Clausewitz, it is also the 117th anniversary of the birth of Jan Patočka (01 June 1907 – 13 March 1977), who was born in Turnov, Bohemia, on this date in 1907. Patočka wrote a book on philosophy of history, Heretical Essays in the Philosophy of History, which was influenced by Husserl, Heidegger, and Hannah Arendt, among others. In the Fifth Essay: Is Technological Civilization Decadent, and Why? And especially in the Sixth Essay: Wars of the Twentieth Century and the Twentieth Century as War, Patočka discussed Ernst Jünger. I mentioned in my episode on Jünger that Jünger’s essay on total mobilization and his book The Worker was an influence on Heidegger, and Patočka too is interested in this work. Patočka’s description of the industrialization of Germany gives us the rational will and the organizational expertise to overcome the friction that Clausewitz saw as conditions of modern war:
“…Germany, for all its traditional structures, is the configuration that most closely approximated the reality of the new technoscientific age. Even its conservatism basically served a discipline that, contemptuous of equalization and democratization, vehemently and ruthlessly pursued the accumulation of building, organizing, transforming energy. Ernst Junger’s Der Arbeiter contains an implicit suspicion of the actual revolutionary nature of the old prewar Germany.! It is above all the ever deepening technoscientific aspect of its life. It is the organizing will of its economic leaders, its technocratic representatives forging plans leading inevitably to a conflict with the existing global order.”
Patočka also saw the orgiastic craziness of modern war that facilitated the mobilization of the energy of individual soldiers:
“War as a global ‘anything goes,’ a wild freedom, takes hold of states, becoming ‘total.’ The same hand stages orgies and organizes everydayness. The author of the five-year plans is at the same time the author of orchestrated show trials in a new witch hunt. War is simultaneously the greatest undertaking of industrial civilization, both product and instrument of total mobilization (as Ernst Jünger rightly saw), and a release of orgiastic potentials which could not afford such extreme of intoxication with destruction under any other circumstances. Already at the dawn of modernity, at the time of the wars of religion in the sixteenth. and seventeenth centuries, that kind of cruelty and orgiasm emerged. Already then it was the fruit of a disintegration of traditional discipline and demonization of the opponent though never before did the demonic reach its peak precisely in an age of greatest sobriety and rationality.”
It took the scientific and managerial resources of industrialized civilization—which Patočka and others call “technoscience”—to tame, and direct, and organize the orgiastic fury that was earlier released during the religious wars of the early modern period. I suspect that Junger would have largely agreed with this if he had read Patočka, and he could have read this since he lived longer than Patočka. It’s a bit more difficult to ascertain what Clausewitz would have thought of this.
To a certain extent it’s counter-intuitive to understand this orgiastic fury of warfare that Patočka described as a moral factor of war. We would perhaps like to think of the morality of war in terms of the various treaties like the Geneva Conventions that have attempted to moderate the brutality of armed conflict, or maybe the older framework of St. Augustines conception of a “just war.” There is, however, a wider sense of the use of the word “moral.” This wider sense of moral is less common that in the past. One could even say that this usage is becoming archaic. This is definitely is case with the idea of what were once called the moral sciences.The OED defines the moral sciences as:
(a) Those branches of knowledge which deal with the criteria of right and wrong;
(b) Cambridge University politics, philosophy, and economics, as a course of study.
This is now a defunct and archaic way to refer to the humanities and the social sciences. I suspect few if any university catalogs continue to use the moral sciences as a major division of the curriculum. But the idea of the moral sciences points to a wider sense of the term moral, and that is anything that engages specifically human responses to the world like politics, philosophy, and economics. In this context, moral doesn’t necessarily involve right and wrong, but it does involve what is human, all-too-human.
The Clausewitzean conception of war, which, as Raymond Aron said, was about introducing moral forces into our understanding of war, makes the study of war a moral science in this now archaic usage of “moral.” Clausewitz’s moral science of war is very close to what Ernst Jünger wrote about war being ultimately a spiritual endeavor. Patočka underlines this by recognizing the many social forces that came together to produce the wars of the twentieth century. Earlier I said that many philosophers have understood war as the engine that drives history forward. Patočka comes close to saying as much further along in his discussion of Jünger’s work:
“The first world war is the decisive event in the history of the twentieth century. It determined its entire character. It was this war that demonstrated that the transformation of the world into a laboratory for releasing reserves of energy accumulated over billions of years can be achieved only by means of wars. Thus it represented a definitive breakthrough of the conception of being that was born in the sixteenth century with the rise of mechanical natural science. Now it swept aside all the ‘conventions’ that inhibited this release of energy—a transvaluation of all values under the sign of power.” (Heretical Essays in the Philosophy of History, Sixth Essay, p. 124)
Clausewitz lived before this radical transvaluation of values, which is a phrase that Patočka has picked up from Nietzsche. Clausewitz belonged to the social order that was subsequently lost to the transvaluation of all values under the sign of power. He was there for the first stirrings of this transvaluation, but he did not see the completed arc of its development. Clausewitz’s traditionalism can be glimpsed in a document Clausewitz wrote in 1812—titled “Political Declaration” and published in Carl Von Clausewitz: Historical and Political Writings. Clausewitz wrote in the present tense, as a participant in historical events whose outcome was unknown as he wrote this account:
“The hatred that Napoleon bears toward the House of Hohenzollern is of course not obvious to everyone and not at all easy to explain. For some, however, it will be enough to know that at Tilsit a contemptuous coldness, indeed a suppressed hatred, could not be missed in the emperor’s personal conduct toward Frederick William III and his family, while the royal family's conduct toward Napoleon (thanks to a sense of dignity undiminished by politics!) had a more worthy and dignified bearing, which can of course enrage a vain and passionate man even more. There are also specific facts whose significance cannot be mistaken. The basis of Napoleon’s enmity probably lies above all in the liberality that characterizes the Prussian regime, which has attracted attention throughout Germany. Prussia, and particularly her ruling house, has public opinion on her side more than other states, and Napoleon is deeply hostile to this. The south German princes may be weary of French domination, but they have never been independent, they fear the vengeance of outsiders, and are without pride and self-esteem, half admirers and half flatterers of the French emperor. This is not the case with Frederick William III. This king, as everyone knows, is above all an upright man, incapable of hypocrisy: hatred of the French emperor is natural to him, and since he is sensitive and easily offended, his feelings are constantly inflamed by Napoleon’s abuses and can never grow numb. If he has refrained from expressing those feelings for political reasons (great self-possession being natural to him in any case), if he has admirably sacrificed his own dignity and that of his people in this regard, his reticence could never deceive the French emperor, and nothing is more natural than that Napoleon should have seen more deeply into the king’s heart than the king has into his.”
Here Napoleon is the upstart emperor who lacks the depth of dignity that the ancient family of the Hohenzollern possessed. Napoleon knew this, resented it, and the Napoleonic wars were one big cope-and-seethe because of it. The Hohenzollern represent the traditional aristocratic privilege that the French Revolution sought to overturn, and yet Napoleon and the Hohenzollerns found themselves forced into this diplomatic accommodation that both probably found distasteful. Napoleon was drawn into these ancient diplomatic traditions that the Revolution was in the process of sweeping away.
Not only was Napoleon draw into these ancient rituals of diplomacy, in having himself crowned emperor, he was effectively giving new life to these institutions, and the Hohenzollerns were drawn into paying their respects to a representative of the Revolution that would have done with them. For Clausewitz, the Hohenzollerns were an ancient aristocratic family reforming themselves and their kingdom along liberal lines, while Napoleon was the symbol of revolutionary change that threatened the established order of Europe. Patočka understood this, which why, in my earlier quote from him, he discussed the quasi-traditional, but, at the same time, the quasi-revolutionary nature of Imperial Germany, and Jünger’s response to this. This is not something I am prepared to exhaustively sort out, so I will leave it there for the moment.

Video Presentation

https://youtu.be/MAXr5Ze4bQg
https://www.instagram.com/p/C7s7dsjNGk5/
https://odysee.com/@Geopolicraticus:7/carl-von-clausewitz%E2%80%99s-moral-science-of:f

Podcast Edition

https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/NHFPd3MM5Jb
https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a31b8276-53cd-4723-b6ad-a39c8faa4572/episodes/a59ed23b-eeb4-4469-9380-952a76bcba08/today-in-philosophy-of-history-carl-von-clausewitz%E2%80%99s-moral-science-of-warfare
https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-today-in-philosophy-of-his-146507578/episode/carl-von-clausewitzs-moral-science-of-181857506/


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2024.06.02 13:30 lingophilia ETL Echo Mayhem Wrap-Up - More Podfics!

I missed posting last Sunday, so we've got TWO weeks of Mayhem for you and there's still a couple more days to come. Make sure you're subscribed to our AO3 page to get all the updates as soon as they drop. Hopefully with this variety, everyone can find something they'd like to listen to ...
Impressions of War by Dara_Art (Dramione, M) Hermione is captured by death eaters, Draco makes a decision.
A Little Unsteady by MegSamadhi (Dramione, M) Draco is receiving very personal letters
Lost in Austen by Pagan (Dramione, G) Hermione and Draco debate on the worthiness of Austen's heroes.
Ninety-Three Percent Stardust by OtterlyArdent (Dramione, G) Often, when a person falls for someone, they can’t remember the exact moment it all changed. But that wasn’t the case for Draco Malfoy. The moment had forever been emblazoned in his memory.
(What's a Kink) Between Friends by morriganmercy (Dramione, E) Dom/sub PWP very fun
The History Project by Colubrina (Dramione, M) Draco writes Hermione messages during History of Magic
*************************************************************************************
Non-Dramione pairings:
The Anniversary Quilt by doshu (Minerva/Poppy, G) Pre-second war, Minerva and Poppy are just trying to find some happiness and preserver their memories.
Stay by vendettadays (Pansy/Hermione, T) Two highly competent Hogwarts professors as enemies to lovers
Time Stamps by HeyJude19 (Draco/Harry, M) Trish reads her first Drarry!!!! I've been trying to convince her for ages, but it took Jude to actually get her to do it.
Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations by TheQueerTailor (Wolfstar, T) An exploration of the pain and disability caused by changing into a werewolf every month.
Tender by TheOriginalSinner888 (Hermione/Remus, E) Werewolf sex!!!! Also romance!!!
Gotta Be Something More by katmarajade (Gen, G) Teddy Lupin wants to learn more about his late mother. So he talks to her ex-boyfriend, Charlie Weasley.
The Cat with the Stars in Her Eyes by majesticduxk (Gen, G) Luna is a magical tattoo artist/therapist helping her classmates recover after the war.
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2024.06.02 13:12 sastikendalll Hi everyone, I need help in finding a toy porsche.

My boyfriend's (25M) birthday is coming up and I know he has been wanting to get a toy porsche 911 or Cayenne for a while now. We have visited hamleys and few other stores but to no avail. I found one online on karzanddolls.com but it is too small (1:64). Any suggestions are welcome. Thanks!!
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2024.06.02 12:30 BananaHairFood A girl I don’t like is calling me her “gay best friend”

I was recently introduced to this girl through a friend who warned me that she’s a little intense albeit harmless. She was a little over-the-top nice but I didn’t really think anything of it. She messaged me on Instagram and we meet up a couple of times. What happened next is she essentially friendship-bombed me. Again, it was all fairly harmless so I thought nothing of it.
I invite her to my birthday party and she comes but it’s clear she’s only really interested in talking to my outwardly gay friends, all of who she adds on Instagram. She then makes a group and suggests we all hang out together. Fine. It didn’t really get going and just fizzled out.
However, she started to get really possessive and needy. I met up with the friend who introduced us and this girl goes mad that she wasn’t invited. She’s not so angry with me but she’s furious with my friend, despite it being explained to her that I organised our meet up. On top of this, she’s really insisting that she wants to meet my boyfriend (he was working away on the night of the party) but he’s heard the stories about her and wants nothing to do with her. But she won’t drop it.
I arrange to meet up with her to tell her that she’s behaving very intensely and I don’t really have the capacity for the high maintenance friendship she seems to desire. Before I can get to that, a few drinks in, she tells me some awful stories about her past, growing up in care, some of the things that she’s been through, etc. and I feel like I’m a dick if I say anything after she had been so open with me about all this devastating stuff.
So, she starts hanging out more with my friends and me. She’s quite unlikeable though. She overshares, she enforces just about every gay stereotype (“oh my god, you’ve never seen RuPaul’s Drag Race?!”), she makes comments about men we see who she would/wouldn’t sleep with, and she’s got a really nasty streak where she’ll say some really horrible things about people - including the friend who introduced us, mocking this friend’s weight problem both to her face (“it’s just a joke”) and behind her back.
Now if I meet my friends we have to do it in secret so she doesn’t kick off but I can’t relax thinking she’ll come round the corner and see us and the devastation that would cause. I’ve tried to put some distance between us but she starts insisting that we meet up. She’s invited herself to Pride with us but several of my friends (incl. my boyfriend) have said they want nothing to do with her and will go separately from us.
To make matters worse, she keeps posting about me being her “gay bestie” and “gay best friend”, a term I’ve come to kind of hate. It’s clear something needs to be said to her but I’m not too sure what or how to say it. Any advice greatly appreciated.
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2024.06.02 12:26 JoshMoite When people say “she’s your mother, you have to be nice”

I grew up in a difficult household, well, it wasn’t always.
Until I was 11, my mum and dad lived together, never married. But when I was a kid my mum would cheat on my dad with her boss from work (rich, twice her age). She did this until she got pregnant when I was 11, to which my dad left. Since then I’ve had a rocky relationship with my dad, who has since re married and had two kids, I haven’t seen him since 2021.
My mum became a raging alcoholic around this time too. Very abusive, angry and violent. Even had the police called a couple times to which they just shrugged it off. She would constantly wake you up around midnight to cause an argument over absolutely nothing. She would even open my bedroom door, stand there and just whisper insults to me as she thought I was asleep, then would walk away.
In 2020, when I was 19, I decided after I travelled to hers for Christmas and she got drunk and abusive, it was the last time I would see her. I stopped responding to her texts, which were only ever her bragging about a new expensive toy her boyfriend (again rich, twice her age) had recently purchased. She frequently visited my area to go see old friends at a pub but never once asked if I wanted to meet up, in fact I wouldn’t even know she visited until after she posted it on Facebook.
I haven’t seen her since 2020, it’s now 2024 and not once has she even questioned it. She’s never apologised for the way she treated me growing up, the things she did and said and put me through at such a key part of my development. I now suffer with poor mental health, which I hate saying as I feel someone else is worse off than me. But there’s times I really struggle. The bit that gets me is she just thinks everything between us is fine. She will send messages at Christmas and my birthday acting like we have a good relationship. But we very obviously don’t. It’s like she’s too ashamed to admit that.
I’ve told people that I don’t speak to or see my mum anymore and give them the reasons and a lot of people always say “yeah but she’s still your mum”, “she won’t always be around”.
I HATE THAT SO MUCH! Like they don’t even consider what I went through.
Sorry for the long ass story but it was the only way I could justify my decision and it isn’t even the half of it.
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2024.06.02 12:23 Temporary_Turn3603 My bf dosn t respect me 17F and 17M

So i am '17F' and he is '17M'. I need help. We've been together for a year and a half, and during this time, we broke up 3 times, and he always came back to me. We last broke up on December 19, 2023, and he came back to me on February 29, 2024, saying he loves me and can't live without me, even though he was with the girl he cheated on me with at that time. His excuse for this was that he didn't know how to make me hate him to leave him alone because I was too obsessed and didn't want him to cheat on me anyway.
We reconciled, and since then, everything has been extremely nice. I thought he had changed until about a month ago when he started behaving cold with me. He tells me we are breaking up but never does. He also told me that when he goes to college, we probably won't be together because he wants to experiment with others and that if he drink, he doesn't know what he does and will cheat on me anyway.
Despite his stupid thinking, yesterday he went out with his friend and a girl who is almost in a relationship with that boy. He tells me that she is really hot, that he would you know with her, that she has a great body, which makes me feel terrible as I am skinny. Yesterday they posted stories , and my boyfriend posted a story with just him and tagged that girl because she took the picture. Okay, and then the girl liked his story, and he liked her posts. He called me and asked me what I was doing, stuff like that, and then five minutes later told me he was going to the bathroom. He was on a call with that girl and the boy, and what bothers me is that my bf joke around with this girl in a suggestive way, and her boyfriend knows it, I think. Anyway (I pay attention to these details because the girl he cheated on me with was also the girlfriend of his best friend back then).
I called him because I saw he was talking to them, and by that, I understood he didn't want to talk to me. He spent the whole day with them (ON MY BIRTHDAY), and he didn't get me anything, not even a flower, nothing, but he spent money to go out and do who knows what. His excuse was 'I don't have money.' Okay, I'm not a materialistic person, but if you have a full wallet, I think a flower was necessary, especially since we've been together for a year and a half in total. He doesn't go out with me alone, and when we do go out, he doesn't say anything and says, 'What a cool relationship,' meaning that we don't talk. But how could I talk to someone who tells me that another girl is really hot and that he would sleep with her if he wasn't with me, I am very attached to him because I did everything with him. He was my first boyfriend, and I saw a future with him, but now I don’t see it anymore. I don’t know what to do to make him more interested, as I can’t fix something I didn’t break. Today, I think I will see him and ask if he wants to go out. I need an opinion on this whole thing. So you have any advice on what to do? I’m afraid that if I don’t show any interest at all, he will leave, and I don’t know why I want someone who treats me like that but I want him.
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