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2024.05.19 19:38 dnelson2408 Summary of this channel, data, and news for the last 3 weeks.
 | Afternoon all, submitted by dnelson2408 to RILYStock [link] [comments] I thought it might be fun to try and take the last three weeks and have a recap of the data and news surrounding RILY. I just searched this sub and news outlets and such for the last 3 weeks and took notes then fed them into an AI software asking it to summarize everything. In no way is this Financial Advice just a fun task. "The financial landscape for B. Riley Financial, Inc. showcases a dynamic narrative of operational resilience and strategic positioning. The company's recent activities reflect a strategic focus on managing debt obligations effectively while optimizing business segments for sustainable growth. The strategic review process for Great American Group retail liquidation and appraisal businesses is progressing, indicating a commitment to enhancing operational efficiency and value creation. In the earnings summary, a net loss of $51 million was reported, primarily driven by investment-related losses and professional services expenses. Despite these challenges, the company's strategic initiatives and operational performance remain robust, as highlighted in the earnings call. Executives Bryant Riley and Tom Kelleher emphasized the company's operational excellence and strategic direction, underscoring a commitment to shareholder value and sustainable growth. The company's strategic reviews and commitment to shareholder value remain steadfast amidst market volatility caused by short manipulation. Furthermore, the full redemption of $25,000,000 aggregate principal amount of 6.75% Senior Notes due 2024 signifies a proactive approach to managing debt and strengthening the company's financial position. This strategic move aligns with the company's focus on optimizing its capital structure and enhancing financial flexibility. Overall, B. Riley Financial's narrative is one of resilience, strategic foresight, and operational excellence in navigating market dynamics and challenges. The company's commitment to financial prudence, strategic reviews, and operational performance positions it well for sustained growth and value creation in the evolving financial landscape." Below is the data the AI used to create the summary. Just copy and pasted from a very quick and crude gathering of information into a word doc. I also enjoyed the earnings summary the AI did. The last line made me feel happy thoughts. - In summary, B. Riley Financial's first-quarter 2024 results underscore its strong operational foundation and strategic foresight, positioning it well for future growth and shareholder value creation. 1. Cohodes being loud and classless examples https://preview.redd.it/xymj94vp5f1d1.png?width=637&format=png&auto=webp&s=3d9f18f4f877f7fb518039bc78198e77e3fcd190 https://preview.redd.it/bxacg0bp5f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=9a4eba6a4a39457cc47661be5836008976b37fc6 https://preview.redd.it/q5kdr5qo5f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=14dcb5473ed7dcac4646eaba2b983806f32bd875 https://preview.redd.it/ky1hlc1o5f1d1.png?width=789&format=png&auto=webp&s=4c603719820d06ea91d9181ad3c41734a603b795 https://preview.redd.it/soco7bjn5f1d1.png?width=969&format=png&auto=webp&s=dfbcf20f984e391c51afcc89e46597d1d9dff6ad https://preview.redd.it/pwbnnwwr5f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=fe06146b727540c291825eda8db5f33b11e9e992 2. Discussion about FUD and shorts deception I see the shorts (Marc Cohoded and Co.) are still at it, trying to l use a fake psychological twist to cause doubt. Let's stick to the facts and let the price go where it will in the long term. Short thesis was and is there was fraud, both proven wrong by independent investigation and a clean independent audit if the 10-K and now 10-Q. You can slap that one around anyway you want, but both came up clean. First, they have stated their intentions of a sale of a carried undervalued asset (Great American) by a third party for a massive realized gain. Good for the investors and bond holders as they said they would use funds to deleveverage the balance sheet and buy back stock which already has very little float. Second, I have never seen a company that is paying dividends go under whith out, completely eliminating the dividends first (RILY still pays a dividend and baby bonds are all current--none are in any default). Third, business has been good with lots of new hires, new capital makets raises and fees and their business seems to be thriving. Shorts will try to mislead all of us with their lies and deciept but if we hold strong I believe that the stock will go to at least 50 ish in the short term where they did their secondary. I believe at that point, RILY may run into a bit of resistance. However, a squeeze could easily send us through that to new highs. Patience is the key as they have stated all this in their press releases in the recent past. If we al on this sitel just buy 100 to 1000 shares on Monday and hld through the 29th to get the dividends. this will rocket to new heights. This is not a recommendation, simply my thoughts. Do your own due diligence. 3.Stop lending shares=pain for shorts = short squeeze If all longs can stop lending shares at least I believe we can cause shorts to cover. There is no valid short narrative, both longs and shorts know this. Now it’s purely who can hold out longer. Shorts have been very active as of late trying to push share price lower and with many of us loaning shares out we are actually helping the shorts hurt us. I believe if we stopped lending out shares borrow rate skyrockets and that added cost combined with dividend and gradual upward movement will force shorts to cover. Granted news release can help but we don’t need news we just need to stop lending and wait and see. 4. Smoking Gun: Thursday dropped because shorts borrowed and sold 724K shares (with 2MM total volume) and 447K on Wednesday (with 1.3MM total volume). They're trying to drive price down, induce panic, get folks to sell, and buy back shares at a super low price. https://preview.redd.it/hopdxkbt5f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=3945adf69a00addb0c2da4ea0c26b2a4de2749b3 5. Article showing RILY coming back https://www.investmentnews.com/broker-dealers/news/b-riley-bouncing-back-after-tough-winter-253448 6. Rily - Day 3 of short attactks - There's a positive Our favorite shorts cohodes&co is on overdrive releasing as much fake accusations as possible, they now have been adding a lot to their position at a higher price point with shares in the 30s, now the shorts cost basis has gotten worse for them. With more shares at a worst cost with dividends coming due as well as borrow fees , shorts have less wiggle room especially if stock goes to 40 again. Now at 40 I believe they will be losing money. With insiders hopefully buying soon and the company continuing their share buy back program , that can lead to upward movement in share price leading to the “squeeze “. 7. $RILY Earnings Summary Not financial advice. It was an interesting investor call, an almost boring call which was refreshing. The company had a net loss of $51m driven by non-cash items including $29m unrealized loss on investments and a $30m fair value adjustment on their loans. Cash flows were pretty good, with operating cash flows of $135m and adjusted operating EBITDA of $66m. Targus and American Freight contributed nothing this quarter, both companies are historically strong businesses but have been working through a business cycle post-COVID after many Americans bought the things they needed. Those companies should improve in the next year. The company previously announced a potential sale of Great American Group. Q-1 earnings for that segment increased to $35m of EBITDA, so at 10-12x a potential sale is looking like $350-$420m. On the call they said that is expected by early Q3. They also mentioned possibly looking at a sale in their Brands division later this year with the goal of retiring their discounted debt, citing it as an opportunity. The short thesis crumbled last month with a clean 10-K and two internal investigations which added an additional $7m in expense but presumably were quite thorough and completely debunked claims by bears. There are no shares available to borrow per Fintel: https://preview.redd.it/ukhk0tou5f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=0622973216e0293d7f2699c1b6eee3216824305e And short interest remains at approximately 65% with 9 million shares short, though the retail float is thought to be much smaller, maybe 2m shares. The company has $34m available at quarter end for buybacks from a previously approved program. I see value here, and I liked what I heard on the call. 8. Misconceptions - Rily Share Structure [THIS POST IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY] mumen_rida There seems to be a lot of confusion about the company’s share structure and I would like to use this post to help not only my own understanding but also help others. It’s a bit confusing but let’s tackle it together. I got this information from marketwatch: Total Float = 30 million shares Public float = 16 million shares Shares sold short = 9 million shares % of public float sold short = 56.38% According to fintel: Institutional ownership = 14.18 million shares So let me get this straight, there is 16 million shares in the public float and institutions own 89% of that (14.18 million shares). So that would mean retail investors collectively only have about 1.82 million shares to trade around amongst ourselves. Let’s call that retail float. So, retail float = 1.82 million shares. Let’s wrap up all the most important information (imo) regarding the current share structure and please correct me if any of the information I presented here today is false: Total float = 30m Public float = 16m Shares short = 9m Retail float = 1.82m Where I think it gets the most interesting is when you divide shares short by retail float. 9/1.82= 4.95 or 495% of retail float. Hope this helps clear up any confusion regarding the share structure. REPSONSE TO THIS BELOW EnvironmentalBreak48 •3d ago THIS RESPONSE IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. NFA. Do your own DD, make your own decisions. Based on OP calculation. 1. Total Float: About 30 million shares. 2. Public Float: 16 million shares. 3. Shares Sold Short: 9 million shares. 4. % of Public Float Sold Short: 56.38%. 5. Institutional Ownership: 14.18 million shares. 6. Retail Float: 1.82 million shares (calculated as Public Float - Institutional Ownership). Given this information: Understanding Short Interest· Shares Sold Short: About 9 million shares.· Retail Float: 1.82 million shares. · Short Interest as a Percentage of Retail Float: 9 million shares/1.82 million shares≈495% This high percentage indicates that the short interest is nearly five times the available retail float, which could lead to a short squeeze if investors hold onto their shares and/or demand increases. Days to Cover (Short Interest Ratio)The Days to Cover metric gives an estimate of how many days it would take for short sellers to cover their positions based on the average daily trading volume. Here’s how to calculate it:1. Determine the average daily trading volume (ADTV): This information is usually available on financial websites like MarketWatch or Yahoo Finance. Let’s assume the ADTV is 1,000,000 shares (this is an example, you should use the actual ADTV for a more precise calculation). 2. Days to Cover: Shares Sold Short/ADTV Using our example ADTV: Days to Cover=9,000,000 (short shares)/1,000,000(Avg. Daily Volume)=9 days Days to Cover Potential Implications· High Short Interest Ratio: A high Days to Cover ratio suggests it would take a significant amount of time for shorts to cover their positions, which can lead to increased volatility.· Potential for a Short Squeeze: With a high percentage of the retail float sold short, if retail investors decided to hold their shares and the stock price rises, short sellers may be forced to buy back shares at higher prices, leading to a potential short squeeze. · Limited Retail Float: With only 1.82 million shares available for retail trading, any significant buying pressure from institutional investors and/or retail investors it could quickly drive up the stock price. 9. Why Even the Joker Thinks You’d Be a _____ For Not Taking A Look at RILY Stock Batman here. You might know me as the Dark Knight, the Caped Crusader, or the guy who really, really, really wants to own a spaceship. Today, straight from the Batcave, lets talk about something as exciting as racing the Batmobile or the return of Roaring Kitty—RILY stock. First off, let’s talk numbers, because even a superhero knows the importance of a strong financial foundation. RILY has been buying back shares like Alfred buys Bat-gadgets—strategically and frequently. This move isn’t just a nifty trick; IMO it’s a signal that RILY is confident in its value. When a company buys back its own shares, it’s like Batman investing in more Batarangs—it’s a smart play that shows belief in future performance. But that’s not all, folks. The recent buzz around RILY isn’t just cat signals in the sky—it’s grounded in solid developments. RILY had to work hard to file their 10K after all the mudslinging from the shorts, but got it done. The first big catalyst domino to fall. Now, let’s get to the juicy part—earnings and dividends. RILY’s about to drop their Q1 earnings tomorrow, and you know what that means? Dividends! That’s right, folks. RILY is likely to declare a dividend, that our short friends will be paying. Dividends are like the Batmobile’s turbo boost—an extra kick that gets you excited and propels you forward. Plus, once they file their Q, a few days later insiders should be able to start buying again. Form 4s anyone? Here’s where it gets really interesting: meme stocks are back with a vengeance, wow talk about a left jab, and shorts are on their heels. The RILY squeeze might start very soon or it might not, but with shorts potentially facing margin calls due to price movements in various holdings, and especially if they’ve been shorting RILY all the way down it has not been a good week for the shorts so far. Just look how RILY stock popped this morning on about 200k in volume. To add insult to injury, to date, NONE of the short thesis has come to fruition or has been confirmed by independent information. They’re in quicksand, and it’s time to gas up the rocket. There are still several catalysts that may come into play here: Q1 Earnings Release: Scheduled to be filed tomorrow, providing insights into the company's recent performance. The deal flow on their website was up YoY. Dividend Announcements: Anticipated dividends right around the corner. Insider Buying: Once the Q1 earnings are filed, insiders should be able to buy stock again, expect to see some Form 4s in very short order. Sale of Great America Division: If RILY sales Great American, they have said the proceeds from this sale are expected to be used to reduce debt and fund further stock buybacks, potentially enhancing shareholder value. Low Float: With a limited number of shares available for trading, increased demand can lead to significant price movements. Buybacks: Ongoing buybacks can continue to support the stock price. Meme Stock Momentum: With meme stocks making a comeback, there's increased interest and activity in stocks that are short and that could drive up RILY’s stock price. Short Squeeze Potential: Low public float, company buybacks, insider buying…mix that up and you have the recipe for a potential squeeze. Roaring Kitty's Return: The return of Roaring Kitty, a key figure in the meme stock movement, brings renewed attention and excitement to the stock market in general. And, guess who just chimed in on RILY earlier today? That's right—JeffAmazon from the GameStop meme trade and Netflix documentary! He made a little tweet tweet on $RILY Additional Catalysts: What do you all think….. Stay vigilant, stay smart, and just my thoughts—do your own due diligence and make your own decisions. NFA. 10. FAKE ARTICLE BULLSHIT FUD………… Well, IMO even Stevie Wonder can see that the latest article on FRG is just another hatchet job. IMO the problem with creating a narrative is that the facts can’t keep up, and boy, did they fall behind here. RILY conducted not one, but two independent investigations and found zilch issues with its FRG investment or loans made to Kahn. And guess what? No connection with Prophecy either. FRG did their own investigation and also found no connection with Prophecy. So, to call the relationship between RILY and FRG controversial is like calling a puppy dangerous—laughable. In RILY's 10k, they marked up their FRG investment FMV $281 million to $286 million… FRG's FY23 financials are public, and the attached table shows the maturities of their debt. In 2024, about $10.5 million in debt is maturing. Big deal. Looming debt? Hardly. The real kicker is in 2026 when about $1.5 billion of debt matures—not this year, not next. LOL. The FRG financials clearly state they were in full compliance with their debt covenants in FY23 and fully expect to be in compliance in FY24. Yet, "the people" say FRG is down double digits in Q1. Funny timing with RILY's Q1 financials coming out on Wednesday, huh? And by the way, FRG's adjusted EBITDA for Q1 FY23 was $66 million, not the $62 million the article claims. Why not use the actual FRG public company number? Maybe because when you're rushing to write a hit piece, you just pick random numbers. https://www.globenewswire.com/en/news-release/2023/05/10/2665414/0/en/Franchise-Group-Inc-Announces-First-Quarter-Fiscal-Year-2023-Financial-Results.html So, according to the article, FRG is down 63% in revenue ($66 million vs. the alleged $25 million). Sure, FRG sold Badcock and Sylvan Learning, so they might be down YoY, but down 63%? FRG sold in FY24 Q1 Sylvan for $185 Million cash….and they’re worried about paying $10.5 million in long term debt due this year. Got it. https://www.franchisetimes.com/franchise_mergers_and_acquisitions/unleashed-brands-buys-sylvan-learning/article_a568813e-d4c7-11ee-bb32-1f85230cfdda.html https://preview.redd.it/lry689p16f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=0714b3b378abb528f0abb470ade0deb3d34c2d39 •5 days ago BleepBlimpBop NT-10Q mirrors the press release about the 5-day delay on the 10Q. It's the formal document for the SEC. It also includes estimated earnings. 13F-HR lists their investment holdings as of 3/31. "Estimated results of operations for the three months ended March 31, 2024 are summarized as follows:Cash and cash equivalents is expected to be approximately $191 million at March 31, 2024, a decrease of $41 million from $232 million at December 31, 2023. Total debt is expected to be approximately $2.19 billion, a decrease of approximately $170 million from $2.36 billion at December 31, 2023. This reflects the early redemption of approximately $115 million of senior notes during the three months ended March 31, 2024. Net loss available to common shareholders is expected to be approximately $51 million during the three months ended March 31, 2024 compared to net income available to common shareholders of $15 million in the prior year. The net loss is due to non-cash items which includes unrealized losses on investments and fair value adjustments on loans of approximately $59 million; in addition to incremental expenses of approximately $7 million incurred for professional fees relating to the filing of our 10-K and outside counsel review and subsequent independent investigation conducted as part of the previously disclosed investigation of the Audit Committee of the Company’s Board of Directors." 12. Friendly PSA: Manage your emotions •5 days ago BleepBlimpBop I'm optimistic that the shorts' game will begin to fully unravel this week. This is a PSA to please manage your emotions, set your strategy intelligently, and don't get carried away by emotion. For many longs, the past months have had a lot of negative emotion. Especially for long-time holders, who watched the full show: · Initial short attacks · Months of tailspin · Months of trading sideways like an EKG · A run up to $40 · A swift retrace -25% · Endless vicious attacks on the company, its clients, its employees, its auditors, and on any individual who publicly states they see value in the company (including personal attacks on people on this sub) Whether you got in years ago, and stayed for the growing business, fat dividends, and diversification...or got in last week because the short ratio is astronomical... The recovery to fair value, whatever path it takes (squeeze, or gradual) will provoke a varied and wide range of emotions. The emotional component of investing is the hardest part. Personally, I think it's a deep value play, and I'm not anxious to jump off the train. It's a company where insiders are huge owners, and their interests are truly aligned with shareholders. Because they're the biggest individual holders. The huge extra profit sharing dividends of 2021+ were impressive; this company rewards shareholders. Please manage your emotions. Please invest intelligently. Please be nice to other nice people. This isn't financial advice, but it is life advice. Manage your emotions, and make intelligent decisions. 13. RILY RS Article 76 to 83 https://www.investors.com/ibd-data-stories/b-riley-financial-shows-rising-price-performance-with-jump-to-83-rs-rating/ B. Riley Financial (RILY) saw a welcome improvement to its Relative Strength (RS) Rating on Thursday, with an increase from 76 to 83. IBD's proprietary rating tracks share price performance with a 1 (worst) to 99 (best) score. The score shows how a stock's price performance over the trailing 52 weeks stacks up against all the other stocks in our database. Over 100 years of market history reveals that the stocks that go on to make the biggest gains typically have an 80 or higher RS Rating as they begin their biggest climbs. Now is not an ideal time to jump in since it isn't near a proper buy zone, but see if the stock manages to form a base and break out. The company showed 0% EPS growth last quarter. Revenue rose -9%. The company is expected to report its latest earnings and sales numbers on or around May 15. The company earns the No. 24 rank among its peers in the Finance-Investment Banking/Brokers industry group. Interactive Brokers (IBKR), Piper Sandler (PIPR) and Ameriprise Financial (AMP) are among the top 5 highly rated stocks within the group. 14. Announcement of 2024 Annual Meeting June 21st https://www.sec.gov/ix?doc=/Archives/edgadata/0001464790/000121390024041725/ea0205510-01.htm 15. Repost: $RILY DD: The real price potential...when the stock is a solid/growing company (not just a squeeze). 9 days ago BleepBlimpBop In response to multiple requests, reposting my DD on price potential from 2 months ago. Will hopefully facilitate intelligent thought about price potential. -------- Many have been speculating about the squeeze price potential (75.72% of free float shorted per Fintel). Lots of posts discussing "how high" and "how soon." As others have observed, correctly, no one knows. However, I think we can look at financials, and past price, to get a good indication of a reasonable range, after any "squeeze dust settles." Let's recognize a few things: A) It's a growing, and historically very profitable business. It's not GME (dying company with obsolete business model). B) It rewards its shareholders with regular dividends, and large special dividends when profits are high. C) It spent a year (early 2021 to early 2022) around $70/share. Plus or minus $20. High of $90. D) July 2023 $100MM share offering was at $55, with lots of institutional interest, and lots of employee interest (7% of the new shares). It was only a small discount to the $60 stock price at the time (often, the offerings are at a much greater discount to induce institutions to invest). · Institutions do their due diligence - they don't buy unless they think it's a good deal. · Same with employees! E) It didn't tank because their business model is obsolete (i.e., GME issue). It tanked because of: · Short seller reports spewing fear, uncertainty, and doubt. · Rampant flimsy speculation · Poor earnings during a crappy time for investment banking (their main business), and some unfavorable mark-to-market of some of their investments. · Note that RILY makes a business of supporting and investing in companies in distress. When they provide financial options, they also actively help the company right the business. That process takes time, so there's often interim volatility in the value of their assets. But their historical investment returns and recovery rates seem to be very good. Profitable, but can create volatility in the books as it plays out. · Character assassinations. F) From the looks of it, now that Reg Sho is in place, a concerted group using naked short selling, spoofing bid/ask, keeping a cash account to sell shares and manipulate low volume (all speculations, but notice the radical difference in how it trades now that there's regulator scrutiny and forced settlement - as well as observant people here and on Twitter calling out the egregious observable issues in the trading action) G) It's continued to grow since 2021/2022 (look at the investor presentation in December). They've continued to disclose deal flow and make acquisitions since. What does that all mean? A) $70-90 would be a reasonable steady-state price if the shorts moved on, profitability returns to normal levels, and the company was the same size as 2021-2022. B) Significantly higher than $70-90 would be a reasonable steady-state, given growth in the company, and a return to historical scale of profitability. · You can also bet-your-bottom-dollar they're going to make sure their balance sheet is IRONCLAD go forward, and they do a better job of explaining their business. · Management owns a huge chunk of the business, and they'll **never** want to be susceptible to this crap again. C) A squeeze could have one of two impacts: · Return the business to a reasonable steady-state price (e.g., $70-100+) · Accelerate the company well above a steady-state price, where it could remain for an extended period, or return to a normal steady-state price. D) A squeeze isn't necessary to return this to a steady-state price. Just time... Company executes, shorts pay high borrow fees, shorts hedged positions decay. How do I think about it? · I'd love to see the slightly-slower-road to steady-state. · I'd love love to see the fast road back to steady-state. · I'd love love love to see this thing shoot well beyond any reasonable steady-state, and bankrupt the most vocal short sellers. By all appearances, they rank among the more degenerate of their species. · For those that sell early, they'll be sad watching from the sidelines. The road may not be linear, but I think it's paved with gold. These are my thoughts. Not financial advice. To the moon, baby. 16. $RILY- “They can win by doing nothing 12 days ago Outrageous_Appeal_89 “ Whitebrook capital assessment addressing cohodes&co BS at the peak of their false accusations and in a polite way stating short funds were making things up (misinformation & manipulation ). It seems $RILY is executing on some of the recommendations Whitebrook capital had - share buy back and bond buy back has been executed and continues to be executed on. Whether you invest in $RILY for the long term prospects or the short squeeze that can be triggered any day as lie after lie is exposed. Bottom line is the fair value of $RILY is a lot higher then where it currently trades. We will get a better idea whether share prices deserves to be in the 50s or 60s as we get an update on GAG valuation. Seems many here forget that $RILY creates value by turning companies around and then monetize, this process takes time , they have been able to do this successfully, repeatedly over the years. https://preview.redd.it/uiisruq36f1d1.png?width=792&format=png&auto=webp&s=e6c32c04877ae21b51cb8a99cee0aef17cdb32c4 17. 3 Videos from Value Don’t Lie on Youtube talking about Financials of RILY and overall company valuation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRenvff8duE&t=1s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EoaCZw7AmpA&t https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_Ayoox3fvM 18. Getting around the NBBO and Longing the Box So let this sink in… the market opens and in 5 minutes we rally to $34.42, then over the next 15 minutes we drop to $28.80 at which point SSR was triggered and sell volume slows WAY the hell down. That drop was ALL short sellers and NO longs selling shares (otherwise the sell-off wouldnt have stopped literally minutes after SSR triggered). NOW, what the scumbag shorts are doing is going Long Against The Box. 19. Steve Cohen and Point 72 buy 24,917 shares long on May 15th https://preview.redd.it/fhdhyco46f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=6600f6a9a3f0bc5bc8823cddb5f52defdf282063 20. Summarize this earnings call and keep pertinent quotes and data in the summary. https://filecache.investorroom.com/mr5ir_briley2/925/RILY_1Q24_Earnings_Release_vFINAL.pdf Chat GPT Summary of the full report below B. Riley Financial, Inc. (NASDAQ: RILY) reported its first-quarter 2024 financial results, showcasing resilience and operational strength despite facing challenging market conditions and unique internal events. Here's a summary with a positive outlook: First Quarter2024 Highlights:1. Quarterly Dividend Declaration:
Leadership Insights:
Looking Ahead:B. Riley's strategic initiatives, such as debt reduction and selective investments, position the company for continued success. The ongoing strategic review of its Great American Group retail liquidation and appraisal businesses indicates a proactive approach to optimizing its portfolio. The firm remains committed to delivering value to its shareholders through dividends and operational excellence.In summary, B. Riley Financial's first-quarter 2024 results underscore its strong operational foundation and strategic foresight, positioning it well for future growth and shareholder value creation. 20. State of the Stock 15 days ago UF_Secret_Account Not financial advice, do your own research. Don't take advice from the internet, consult a professional financial advisor. On April 19th, the stock closed at $19.99. Today, it is over 50% higher after a positive 10-K clearing the company of fraud allegations. The stock touched $40 on April 26 and 29, a 100% gain from a week prior. The short interest has remained relatively consistent during the move, with 10-11 million shares still short. However, given the time lapsed, I think it's safe to assume that most of those shares were covered and re-shorted in the last two weeks. For future research, we should assume they have an average $35 entry on their short positions. 1st quarter earnings are coming soon. Like many of you, I am a little curious that it hasn't been announced yet, but I have no concerns with everything the company has on its plate. 10-Q's are unaudited and it's very unlikely there is anything to be concerned about, in my opinion. The company could be coming to the end of their strategic review for GAG. That will eventually result in some additional financial statement adjustments for presentation. I would expect 1st quarter earnings to be good based on their deal flow and reported transactions. In November 2023, the board approved $50m for stock buybacks. The company repurchased 728,330 shares at an average price of $21.85, but mainly bought shares in November. That's $16 million spent, and means the company had $34 million approved to buy back stock at year end. The program continues through October 2024. At our current price, that would be 1.1 million shares (3.3% of the outstanding stock). That is significant for a stock with this many outstanding shares, but more significant for the number of freely traded shares which is far less. How many times have we seen huge price moves on small blocks of shares? If the company adds $10-15 million to that program, that's another 300,000-500,000 shares. Again, it doesn't sound like a huge number but it would add pressure to what will become a dire situation for the shorts. The shorts may decide not to cover, or to continue the strategy of taking their losses and re-shorting, but their ability to influence the stock back to a level where they truly profit is nonexistent in my opinion, particularly when volume dies between market-moving events. I am eyeing the $50-$55 range as my price target in the next move up. 21. NOTE on FRG Independent Auditor’s Report One of the positive things I see IMO was for the billion dollar loan that matures in 2026. “On July 2, 2021, the Company repaid $182.1 million of principal of the First Lien Term Loan using cash proceeds from the sale of the Liberty Tax business. The prepayment also satisfied the requirements for the quarterly principal payments so no additional principal payments with respect to the First Lien Term Loans (excluding the Incremental First Lien Term Loan) are due until the First Lien Term Loan maturity date.” To me this gives them some flexibility for their cash as there isn’t much long term debt due in 2024 or 2025. https://preview.redd.it/ib92t7e66f1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=df286021b0653db92122e33df0ed37f1068a0c6c 22. on May 3rd Cohodes or someone else got media to report 4th quarter from last year as q1 earnings this year. Which was a lie and FUD https://preview.redd.it/nlau48276f1d1.png?width=623&format=png&auto=webp&s=832695b6c331c3df6dbcb861dc90551ee42a036a 23. B. Riley Financial Announces Full Redemption of 6.75% SR Notes Due 2024 17 days ago Wolfiger LOS ANGELES, May 1, 2024 /PRNewswire/ -- B. Riley Financial, Inc. (NASDAQ: RILY) ("B. Riley" or the "Company") today announced that it has called for the full redemption equal to $25,000,000 aggregate principal amount of its 6.75% Senior Notes due 2024 (the "Notes") on May 31, 2024 (the "Redemption Date"). The redemption price is equal to 100% of the aggregate principal amount, plus any accrued and unpaid interest up to, but excluding, the Redemption Date, as set forth in each notice of redemption delivered to noteholders on May 1, 2024. https://ir.brileyfin.com/2024-05-01-B-Riley-Financial-Announces-Full-Redemption-of-6-75-Senior-Notes-due-2024 24. 8k filed May 1st for Nasdaq Compliance 25. Found management bonus if above 136 by October. Did anybody else know that a part of managements comp was in the form of Performance-based Restricted Stocks Units with a vesting date of 10/27/24 AND A HURDLE PRICE OF $135?!? https://preview.redd.it/wo2uh54k5f1d1.png?width=547&format=png&auto=webp&s=8b6dedf28ec845b2170647674f5b39b6eaac96a1 |
2024.05.19 19:19 Subject_Actuator1280 Something brightly yellow in the water
The bright yellow terror
‘’Every now and then I would stare at the murky brown water below and see several small glimpses of bright yellow popping up from and then retreating down below the surface in rhythmic fashion. Like a dance routine. Bright deadly yellow. The rotting sweet stench of death still lodged in my nostrils.’’
I had happened upon these diary pages by mistake when I was digging through old boxes in my basement. My wife had insisted, finally, that I sort out and get rid of everything I didn’t need. Now here I was, confronted with a part of my past I had tried to suppress unsuccessfully for so many years. 24 years to be exact. 24 odd years of trying to understand what exactly happened in those days when I was trapped on a rooftop in Phuket during a deadly and disastrous natural catastrophe.
24 odd years of having to dodge around questions of my abject and unwavering fear of the ocean. Well, in truth, I guess being caught in a large tsunami and witnessing immense destructive forces of nature coming directly from the great wide ocean would be a fair excuse, but it was only half the truth. It wasn’t just the waves themselves that had terrified me.
Until now, I thought the water damaged remains of the diary I kept back then was lost. I even hoped it was. I never shared this story with anyone. Partly because the horror was too fresh in my memory back then and I wanted to focus on moving on with my life and by the time I felt my mind was stabilized I had no real interest in returning to that dark part of my past. Partly because the right words always escaped me.
Mostly because I was afraid people would think I was insane. I can no longer contain this, however. I need an outlet. I spend years running from it. But I guess I can’t lie to myself anymore. Someone once told me that writing can be therapeutic. Simply putting your thoughts down on paper, or in our times, more likely in word document, can help you compartmentalize trauma. So, I’m giving it a try. I can’t pretend the events of those days in Phuket didn’t cast a shadow over everything in my life that came after.
I often think of the beach days I missed with my son when he was a boy. Days where I should’ve done dad stuff. Thrown him into the ocean. Watched him laugh his little face of as he braved the waves. Helped him build sandcastles. Gone exploring along the sandy shores in search of beached treasure in the form little rocks and the odd piece of amber. I just couldn’t. Initially I had objected to the idea of him going at all. Naturally, my wife would hear none of that and I realized reluctantly, that my fear and trauma should not rule my son’s life. Instead, my wife would go, and I would always stay home. She understood, to some degree, what I had gone through and where my fear came from.
Only to some degree. My son did not, and I fear he resented my absence on those perfect sunny days, despite my efforts to make up for it with other activities. Both he and my wife certainly noticed how closed off I was about certain parts of my past. Secrets untold, especially those who are grounded in trauma, almost inevitably turns to toxic in our systems. I’m finally ready. I just hope it isn’t too late.
I won’t lie. I’ve always had a vivid imagination although I have never had trouble distinguishing between what is real and what is not. At least until my sense of reality was forever challenged. I know these things happened to me. I know what I saw and what I experienced was real. I just don’t have a truly rational explanation for it. Yet, I swear, there was something in the water that came with that tsunami. Something deeply, deeply unnatural. Something brightly and oddly yellow. I had no other word for it than the bright yellow terror.
I had travelled to Thailand, more precisely Bangkok late December 2000. 19 years old about to turn 20. I was on one of those infamous and increasingly popular self-discovery trips. I had caught the fever. Like so many other young hopeful adventurers at the time I had seen The Beach. I had read into the wild by Jon Krakauer.
I watched Dicaprio walk the sandy shores of paradise and read on in excitement and awe as Christopher McCandles set out to become one with nature and discover himself. Kill the false being within and all that. In simple terms, I thought I’d try and find my own slice of heaven on earth. Expand my horizon. Get to know some new people. Learn something about myself in the process perhaps. I wasn’t exactly fleeing from anything, that wasn’t it. I had a loving although cuddling and overprotective family. Especially my mom would worry about me constantly (and still does).
Yes, I admit it. My parents had paved the way for me at almost every step. Made sure I got into the right schools. Made sure I never needed for money. I guess I got tired of feeling dependent on them. I stopped taking their money and saved up for the trip myself. It was time I stepped up. It was time I threw myself into the world to see what would happen. Hell of a time and place I picked for that.
The following story is based on the surviving pages of the diary I kept during the time and my own memory.
Bangkok 23rd December 2000. 4 days before the tsunami.
‘’My first day in Bangkok. Quite overwhelming but in a nice way. No one here to save me. No one here to tell me what to do. Thailand is hot and humid and there’s something in the air. I think it’s adventure. I think it’s limitless opportunity. I met a monkey in a diaper and got thoroughly beaten and lost 100 bath in a game of connect four by some 10-year-old kid. Got scammed as well though, I will have to wise up and learn the ropes. Avoid the yellow taxis. Go for the Tuk Tuks. Well, lesson learned. I met a guy who told me all kinds of terrifying things about Australia. Robert. I’m meeting him in Phuket a couple of days from now.’’
You could probably imagine the excitement bubbling within me. For the first time on my own. 19 years old. Prime of my life. In a strangely new and exotic city. Possibilities seemed endless. I still remember vividly driving off with the wind in my hair in a tuk-tuk as Bangkok unfolded before me with all its oriental mysticism and surrounding cityscapes. To be fair, I had never even seen an honest to god palm tree before as they simply couldn’t grow in the northern climate I was from.
I got myself stationed in a decent guesthouse around Khaosan Road. Everywhere I looked it seems others had gotten the same idea as me. Backpackers littered the streets and in a strange way, I felt at home amidst this quiet chaos, amidst the crowds of hopefully likeminded explorers, far, far away from home. The humidity was hitting me though, it was something I would have to get used to. It felt like a wet hot invisible blanket. Khaosan Road was perfect for me. A meeting place for young backpackers, with tons of opportunities to plan further travels. I did after all, not plan on staying in Bangkok for too long. It was just a stepping point to other adventures.
It was still early, and the humidity was clammy as hell. I was in the mood to socialize and with no real plans I simply ventured out into the streets of Bangkok, circling around the area where my guesthouse was located. It wasn’t long before the first opportunity presented itself in the form of a taxi driver calling me over. He offered to take me on a tour of the city. Foolish and naïve as I was, I indulged him. I remember how the cab driver lit up a doobie, joint, spliff, devil’s lettuce whatever you want to call it.
You know it as soon as you breathe in the air. Don’t get me wrong, I smoked myself, but letting a clearly high person drive me around the busy Bangkok traffic did not seem like a good idea. I should probably have asked to be let out that very moment, but as the kind of timid, shy type of person I was plus the desire to just go along with whatever happened come what may made me stay. Unsurprisingly I was eventually led to a store, fitted for a suit a didn’t want, and then subsequently charged an obscene amount for the cab ride. I didn’t have the courage to refuse his unreasonable demand. Noteworthy mention. That same night I heard from a fellow traveler that just recently someone had been stabbed in an argument with a cab driver. I didn’t let it get me down or drive me off course, because as you’ve probably gathered by now, I didn’t have a course.
As day turned to night and when the sun’s rays slowly disappeared behind the rooftops of Bangkok, the city itself began to transform. As if a part of it which had laid dormant, hidden away from the light, started to emerge.
Neon lights advertising different bars, people making all kinds of promises of untold pleasures and sensations. Tourists ready to party. All now filled the streets. Some seemed all too aware of what they were looking for, others simply drifted around aimlessly, in search of something unknown, something to spice up their existence. I found a small seemingly cool place called The Hangover. I swear to god, I wish to this day I hadn’t. Maybe then I wouldn’t have set my course for Phuket. In any case, I went in and pushed myself through the crowds of rowdy and loud tourists and up the bar where I ordered a Pina Colada. Please don’t judge me. I just really like coconuts and the song is pretty good as well. Standing at the crowded bar and looking around, hoping something interesting would catch my eye. But most of all, I was hoping someone would just take the first step and come talk to me.
Someone did. His name was Robert, and he was from Australia. A tall skinny and no-nonsense older guy who seemed quite experienced with all things Thailand. He eventually invited me down to his group of friends at the far back end of the bar. Robert spared no time telling me about himself. He had worked all kinds of jobs, in all kinds of places. Most recently he had worked as a guide in Phuket. Among other things he had arranged rock climbing expeditions. I probably forgot to mention, I was big into rock climbing and generally all kinds of outdoor activities back then.
I already had quite the climbing experience despite my young age. As Robert talked about all the places he’d been, he made me feel like the novice I was. That was never his intention though, as I quickly learned. He wasn’t a bragger. He just knew what he was talking about and when he laughed, he did it with his entire face and in a way that made you laugh with him and feel comfortable.
Eventually the conversation naturally gravitated towards Australia. A place I had always wanted to visit. He looked at me for a second, as if to contemplate something. Then told me to watch out for locals trying to play pranks on me. I was naturally interested in hearing more and that’s when he told me about drop bears. Supposedly drop bears are carnivorous versions of Koalas residing in trees to then drop down on unsuspecting victims and viciously attack them. We laughed quite a lot, and I admitted I would probably have believed the stories as I was a fairly naive person and the idea of hostile subspecies of koalas didn’t seem that farfetched to me. It would be typical of past me to get punked around like that. Our conversation then shifted towards Australian wildlife and fauna and the horrors residing within its diverse and complicated eco system. He told me about a plant not uncommonly referred to as the suicide plant. Dendrocnide moroides or more commonly known as stinging tree, stinging bush or gympie gympie apparently has such a nasty and painful sting it made a man commit suicide simply to escape the pain. Another dangerous inhabitant was the box jellyfish he explained.
Their sting was about as deadly as it gets. A single sting to a human will cause necrosis of the skin, excruciating pain and, if the dose of venom is large enough, cardiac arrest and death within minutes. I have always found jellyfish equal parts fascinating and equal parts frightening. Beautiful but deadly creatures. In fact, the ocean, in all its grand wide-reaching glory had always horrified me to some extent. So much unexplored space. Who truly knows what could be lurking down there? Robert quickly assured me, that as long as you take your precaution the likelihood of getting stung by a box jellyfish was rather small. They had signs up warning people against them. Generally, do not ignore these signs. They are there for a good reason.
It was getting late and before we said our goodbyes Robert suggested I meet him in Phuket, more precisely in the Khao Lak area on the 28th as that was the first day he would be able to. I thought why not? He seemed genuinely nice and knowledgeable. Just good company all around and he promised to show me the greatest climbing spots a bit away from the crowded tours. It was a start.
I would never meet Robert again. I don’t know what happened to him. Thinking back on those days leading up to the point the waves came crashing down always gives me an uneasy, sad, and melancholic feeling. The people I met in Bangkok talking about going south. Those I met in Phuket before it happened. I have no idea if they ended up as corpses floating through the murky brown waters or god forbid, victims of that unholy terror from the deep. I hope Robert wasn’t among those unfortunate souls who died or went… ‘’Missing’’. Although if I must pick one or the other. I would hope he died quickly.
Bangkok 24th of December 2000. 3 days before the tsunami.
I woke up with a slight hangover. Christmas is commonly celebrated on this date in my country, so I was expecting some calls to go through on my brick sized Nokia at some point once all the good folks back home woke up. They were about 5 hours behind me and at 9 AM Bangkok time they would still be sleeping. I used the time to do some shopping before my trip to Phuket. I got plenty of rope, a couple of snap hooks and a harness. I knew they’d have all of this on the guided tours, but I liked to find my own spots to climb, and I had good sense and knowledge enough to not attempt anything too daring. By the way. For those uninitiated, snap hooks are used to make a quick, reversible connection on a system of ropes, or to connect a rope or cord to another component, like a lanyard medallion or barrier post. Essential if you want to go climbing. If you’ve ever gone ziplining it’s the thing that connects you safely to the zipline and lets you slight across.
After having done my shopping, I bought a bus ticket to Phuket intending on leaving that same night and went back to my hotel room. As exciting as Bangkok was, I felt it was more for people intend on partying and in all honesty, a bit too crowded for me. I was excited to move on and I could always come back if I wanted to. On my way into the reception area, I was stopped by a young hip looking dude looking for a cigarette. Now I don’t necessarily consider myself a perfect judge of character, but he had an easy-going way about him that immediately drew me in. Sometimes, you can just tell.
He had sort of a rugged look about him. Dirty blond half-long hair. His face I would best describe as boyish but something in his eyes betrayed him and revealed his age to be older than you would assume. His style was… Boheme I guess I would describe it as. Like something taken out of the 70s LA scene. I’m not a smoker. Never was. So, I couldn’t help him on that front. It didn’t matter he would find someone else he said. For a while we just casually talked. Apparently, he had come to Bangkok just a few days prior and seemed about as lost and without direction as I had been before deciding on taking my chances in Phuket. Alex was his name, and he would later save my life and help me understand what it means to forge a quick and unbreakable connection through shared trauma, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
He asked me if I wanted to go somewhere and get a beer. I thought why not? He was about my age and on his own as well. I told him I had to go make some calls and I’d be out in about an hour. Back the hotel room I quickly gathered all my stuff and packed it up, so it was ready to go. My climbing gear took up the most space. I figured if things went well with Alex, I might be able to persuade him in joining me at some point in Phuket. Even though I had set out for this trip to be about discovering myself and being on my own, I longed for some kind of company. Don’t we all? I called my parents up and we wished each other a happy Christmas. It was odd to think they were somewhere nearly half-way across the world celebrating Christmas while snow draped the landscapes there. Here I was, In hot and humid paradise. No, I did not miss the cold or the snow, but I did miss not being there to celebrate the holidays with my family. But it had been my choice to go during the holiday season and I did not regret it. I had saved up enough money and there was no point in waiting anymore. There would be many other holidays to celebrate in the future.
My 5-year-old nephew somehow got a hold of the phone. Not quite the conversationalist yet, it still felt good to hear his voice. Hearing his excitement over the prospect of celebrating Christmas brought me back to my own childhood. Decorating the Christmas tree, watching holiday cartoons and of course, opening presents. I finished my calls and went out to see if Alex was ready. He was already waiting for me and had apparently managed to score some cigarettes in the meantime. He had changed his outfit as well. Now wearing a faded black doors t-shirt. We talked a bit about Jim Morrison and the doors as we headed off down streets. We passed a myriad of small stands selling everything from electronics to colorful t-shirts and small bracelets with campy misspelled English catchphrases. We dodged the many intrusive offers and eventually found a small comfy looking bar with seats outside shaded by palm trees. We ordered a couple of beers and the conversation started flowing along quite nicely. Alex was 25 and from London It turned out. We also had a common interest in music. For a while he had busked as a street musician while working odd jobs here and there and had eventually decided to travel the world.
His first stop had been India where for a while he had lived on the rooftop of some abandoned building while attempting to learn the art of playing the sitar. I thought about that for a second. Living it rough on some rooftop in India. I don’t know why that idea intrigued me so much. Seemed like freedom to me, I guess. Sleeping under the wide-open skies. Looking down on the streets and watching people go about their lives. I guess I just liked the idea of doing something that seemed different from what I had ever done before. Living on a rooftop, if even just for a while, was definitely not something I had done before. There was the view as well, Alex reminded me. And it was free of course. We drifted off into long conversations about music I won’t bore you too much with, only to let you know we shared a passion for old school music like the doors and Jimi Hendrix as well as 90s shoegaze music like My Bloody Valentine, Ride and Slowdive. I had Slowdive’s Shine playing in my mind that day. All felt so dreamy at the time.
I eventually told Alex of my plans to go to Phuket and he was onboard almost immediately. I loved how easy it was here on the road. There was no ‘’well maybe’’, or ‘’let’s think about it.’’ In fact, Alex had been to Phuket before and knew of a place we could stay for free. Another rooftop of course, but he had already sold me on the idea. From there, we could plan our next step he said. ‘’our next step’’ I don’t remember vibing with someone that quickly before or since, but then I guess making friends is always easier when you’re young and easy going. I always seemed to attract good company without much effort back then. I chalk it down to my friendly and slightly shy demeanor. Seems it only becomes harder to make friends as the years pass though. At least for me it did.
We got a bus ticket for Alex and shopped a bit more. I got some first aid supplies. Bandages, plasters, that kind of stuff. Rock climbing is safe, mind you, but you can end up scraping yourself and I felt in general, being prepared for whatever might be a good idea if I was to live it rough on some rooftop. The bus-ride to Phuket took about 12 hours give or take. By going at night, we could sleep most of the way and be in Phuket early morning on the 25th. The trip down was uneventful. We would take turns listening to music on Alex’s Walkman or talk about things we saw along the way. Like roadside bars and restaurants who were little more than a tin roof covering a few plastic chairs and brightly colored menu cards. Everything seemed simpler here, in the best ways possible.
No big flash, no fanfares or luxury. Nothing pretentious. Just a calm, laid back atmosphere and friendly smiles from the locals as we passed by. Alex told me he wanted to start a band blending elements of Shoegaze with classic rock and insisted I learn to play the drums as he had tried but found no luck. String instruments were more him he told me. I told him jokingly if he could come up with a good name, I might be down. He just nodded and looked out the window and started talking about how beef was a rare and more expensive ingredient in Thai cuisine, and I wondered about the sudden random change of subject. Although we had talked a lot during the short time we had known each other, Alex was still a mystery to me in many ways. Judging from all the things he told me he seemed like a person who dreamed big, but never really followed through
An unfinished education. Scribbles on pieces of paper that ended up gathering dust in his drawer instead of turning into a book. A band that never really took off because he lost interest or didn’t deem that it was good enough to get successful. He talked at length about leaving a legacy. It seemed to be something that concerned him. I guess he wanted to put his mark on the world. To be remembered. To live on in some small way. I had never really thought about it myself although I did have a fascination with historical people and the lives they lived. In fact, when I do read I mostly read biographies. I just never had any ambition like that myself. I don’t need the world to know my name, or sing my praises, or remember me. Good friends, family and a sense of freedom and adventure was enough. I had tried to ask Alex about his family and friends back home, but he seemed avoidant and always found a way to change the subject without really providing any meaningful information. At certain points, I sensed a carefully hidden sadness behind his otherwise optimistically youthful and bright blue gaze.
Phuket 25th of December 2000. 2 days before the tsunami.
Alex woke me up. It was 9 AM and we had arrived at the Phuket bus terminal 1 near Phang Nga Road. We were here. Alex explained to me that the there were several derelict and abandoned buildings perfect for establishing a free of charge rooftop domicile in an area not too far from the resorts of Khao Lak. Phuket back then wasn’t exactly the overcrowded tourist spot it is today, but it was well on the way. I understood why. The scenery was beautiful. Long sandy beaches with small island dots in the horizon, begging to be explored. Giant limestone cliffs covered in green shrubs. It did seem like paradise to me, without being too far away from civilization. I guess despite my adventurous nature, I wasn’t quite ready at that point, to walk into the wild, which is why Khao Lak seemed perfect as a start for me.
We found the area Alex had talked about. Several derelict buildings were concentrated in a small area divided by a main street that if followed long enough, led to an area with shops and places to dine. We set our eyes on what looked like an abandoned apartment complex. It was derelict, rugged looking and it seemed clear at first that no one lived there. Its ghostly façade begged us inside to explore and we accepted the invitation. As we made our way in, through a busted window in the back, we quickly became aware that the place might not be as abandoned as we had initially thought. Several signs of squatters such as cooking utensils and sleeping mats lay scattered here and there. Alex quickly rationalized that it could just be other backpackers, or it could be the people had moved on. I shrugged and we decided to make our way to the roof. We made our way to the top floor and accessed a broken-down door that led directly out onto the roof. I must admit, besides excitement, I was somewhat hesitant. Any doubt I had disappeared when we first stepped onto the rooftop terrace. It was perfect. It seemed it had functioned as a balcony or space of sorts the inhabitants could make use of for gatherings.
The entire space was surrounded by a fence. Several palm trees shaded the northwest corner which was perfect for when things got too hot. In the middle a small shed or janitorial sort of building stood. We found some cleaning materials, brooms, some parasols in there as well as an old rusty grill. The view was great. We could see the large beachfront in the far distance surrounded by limestones. After inspecting the area and finding it to our liking we sat down, and Alex broke out a bottle of whiskey. Unaware of the horror that would later unfold here, we celebrated in the shade of the palm trees. We had found our place for a while. Our place.
After a while we decided to put some money in the local economy and shop for supplies.
Essentials: Water. Cigarettes. Booze. The devil’s lettuce. Cooking utensils. Although none of us was admittedly any much of a cook. But what the hell. Can’t be seen dining out every night when we were trying to live off the fat of the land so to speak. I know, ridiculous. We were squatters. Nothing more. But heck, we would move on if we became a problem for any one here. We weren’t trying to be a bother.
Optional but greatly wanted: A blow-up animal mascot. Maybe a dolphin if possible. Some new music for Alex’s walk-man. A guitar. Decorating artifacts of any kind to make our domicile more personal.
We more or less got everything we needed and started setting up base. Getting our hands on something funny to smoke proved the biggest challenge but Alex finally succeeded at a beachfront bar. Some friendly Norwegian dude who had connections apparently. He warned us against being too open about doing drugs, even if was ‘’just’’ marijuana. Thailand had a strict approach to drugs. We thanked him and he told us to just come back here at the bar if we needed more, he was usually around.
Afternoon was rolling around and there we were. Sitting atop Phuket. On our very own rooftop presidential suite. We decorated the place with a few things we found. Among them ‘’Arthur’’ our blow-up shark (they had no dolphins). Alex had come up with the name, I asked him why ‘’Arthur’’ but in what I had quickly come to know as typical Alex fashion he just shrugged it off. We just smoked a bit and drank some booze as the evening progressed and I told Alex about Robert and Australia and all the nasty things that could kill you there. I’m not sure why, but it had made an impression on me. Insects, rare poisonous creatures, stuff like that was nightmare fuel for me. Don’t even get me started on spiders. Alex was a bit more laid back on that front. He seemed most amused and interested in the suicide plant and wondered if some poor soul had ever mistakenly used it as toilet paper and we had a good hard chuckle over that idea. Poor soul indeed.
As night rolled on stars started popping up on a clear night the sky and I learned that Alex had a fascination with the universe. Particularly the idea of multiverses and infinite universes. What if somewhere out there we were looking back at ourselves. Slightly different but still us. Sometimes it seemed to me he longed to be anywhere else but where he was. Maybe trapped in the past he was so reluctant to share with me. Then we started talking about time. I don’t exactly remember why. I think he brought it up.
Anyway, Alex had a lot to say about time. Like how he believed our perception of time is tied to our experiences. For example, someone who spends their life not stepping up, not really taking risks or chances, just following along the stream, just following the routine, in essence, just killing time, might experience time as having moved fast when they look back, because there are simply less variety, less volume, less memories to look back on. We don’t remember routines, we remember breaking them, we remember doing new things, meeting new people, being in new places. It creates the illusion that gives time volume, that makes it seem fuller, longer. I liked that idea a lot. It made sense to me. Make sure you live life to the fullest and waste as little time as possible.
I told him about my 10th grade math teacher and how he said something about time I will never forget. Our perception of time can be measured mathematically. For example, to a 4-year-old turning 5 the transition of a year will seem much longer than it will to a 24-year-old turning 25. Because 1 in 5 is a larger fraction than 1 in 25. It blew my mind. The longer you live, the faster time seem to pass. But I agreed with him, maybe the quality and variety of the life you live and the memories you make has an affect too. Alex made a ‘’boom’’ motion with his hands around his head and laughed. We were quite stoned at that point and well, some of you might know how being stoned sometimes throws you into these philosophical conversations. It was nice. I enjoyed the ease with which I could talk to Alex about all kinds of things.
At one point I asked him a hypothetical. If he could go back in time and change just one thing, what would he do. He fell silent. I once again sensed the sadness creeping behind his eyes. It was if he was about to answer, like he was sizing me up but then shot the idea down. Time travel is impossible, so why bother was his only response and I accepted that whatever troubled him in the past, was not for me to know even if my interest only grew stronger and stronger.
I told him about my family. My overprotective mother. My father and his desperate attempts to get me interested in cars. About my older sister and my nephew. Alex nodded and asked the usual polite questions. When the subject came to my little brother his interest seemed to spark significantly. How old was he? Was I good older brother? Did I look out for him? I didn’t think much about it at the time other than finding it curious how interested he seemed to be. When we finally settled in the for night, under the starry sky, I slipped into a nightmare. It was the same I had had years earlier when I was 16. Back then I was having a hard time adjusting to the new school I had started at and maybe because of that stress I was having nightmares coupled with sleep paralysis.
I would lie in my bed, paralyzed. On my side, facing the door to my room. I often had the light on outside of the room and it would shine in through the open door. This one time , I saw dark figure approaching. Optimistically I assumed it was my mom, coming to wake me up. Although as the dark figure approached, I quickly realized this wasn’t so. No words were uttered. The eerie figure just slowly came closer, until it was right by my bed side. It sat down and I realized it was an old woman or man. It was hard to tell, because its face was literally just a mish mash of wrinkled flesh. No eyes and no mouth either. But it mumbled through its mouthless face. Speaking in tongues.
I spent some considerable time afterwards wondering what it could have been trying to communicate to me. I know of course, this was all just my mind playing tricks on me. Yet, that experience was, I suppose, my first nudge towards believing there’s more between heaven and earth than we might know. It seemed aggressive in any case. My insides were screaming as I desperately tried to wiggle myself awake as I had sometimes successfully done during paralysis. I eventually woke up. Drenched in sweat. Back then though, I had actually been in my room, and in the dream the room had stood clearly for me as it actually looked in reality which only made it seem more real. This time, I woke up next to Alex, still drenched in sweat. Alex had woken up. I had screamed in my sleep apparently. He comforted me in an almost brotherly show of affection. It took me by surprise a bit. I appreciated it, though it only made me wonder about him even more. I would have to solve the mystery behind Alex I decided. I would have to truly gain his trust. Figure him out. And I did.
Phuket 26th of December 2000. 1 day before the tsunami.
‘’Alex played the guitar a bit and I drummed up some beats. It needed some work, but not half bad. We came up with a name for our band to be as well. Subway sleepers. Based on Alex’s time sleeping in the subway of London. It was another hot perfect day on the rooftop. We talked about going climbing the next day and I can’t wait to show Alex the joys of rock climbing. Everything is peaceful here. No stress. Just living life. Smoking it up. Meeting new people. We talked some more with that Norwegian weed dude and invited him and a couple of his friends up to ‘’our’’ place for a party. Another near perfect day.’’
Looking at these diary scribbles is making me feel it all over again. The serenity of those calm worriless summer days (well it was winter back home but it felt like summer here. Strange that) leading up to disaster. Always calmest before the storm they say. This was our last day before everything changed. Before I got a lesson in humanity. In stress under crisis. Before everything I thought I knew changed forever in the meeting with something that surely shouldn’t exist in this world.
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‘’Every now and then I would stare at the murky brown water below and see several small glimpses of bright yellow popping up from and then retreating down below the surface in rhythmic fashion. Like a dance routine. Bright deadly yellow. The rotting sweet stench of death still lodged in my nostrils.’’
I had happened upon these diary pages by mistake when I was digging through old boxes in my basement. My wife had insisted, finally, that I sort out and get rid of everything I didn’t need. Now here I was, confronted with a part of my past I had tried to suppress unsuccessfully for so many years. 24 years to be exact. 24 odd years of trying to understand what exactly happened in those days when I was trapped on a rooftop in Phuket during a deadly and disastrous natural catastrophe.
24 odd years of having to dodge around questions of my abject and unwavering fear of the ocean. Well, in truth, I guess being caught in a large tsunami and witnessing immense destructive forces of nature coming directly from the great wide ocean would be a fair excuse, but it was only half the truth. It wasn’t just the waves themselves that had terrified me.
Until now, I thought the water damaged remains of the diary I kept back then was lost. I even hoped it was. I never shared this story with anyone. Partly because the horror was too fresh in my memory back then and I wanted to focus on moving on with my life and by the time I felt my mind was stabilized I had no real interest in returning to that dark part of my past. Partly because the right words always escaped me.
Mostly because I was afraid people would think I was insane. I can no longer contain this, however. I need an outlet. I spend years running from it. But I guess I can’t lie to myself anymore. Someone once told me that writing can be therapeutic. Simply putting your thoughts down on paper, or in our times, more likely in word document, can help you compartmentalize trauma. So, I’m giving it a try. I can’t pretend the events of those days in Phuket didn’t cast a shadow over everything in my life that came after.
I often think of the beach days I missed with my son when he was a boy. Days where I should’ve done dad stuff. Thrown him into the ocean. Watched him laugh his little face of as he braved the waves. Helped him build sandcastles. Gone exploring along the sandy shores in search of beached treasure in the form little rocks and the odd piece of amber. I just couldn’t. Initially I had objected to the idea of him going at all. Naturally, my wife would hear none of that and I realized reluctantly, that my fear and trauma should not rule my son’s life. Instead, my wife would go, and I would always stay home. She understood, to some degree, what I had gone through and where my fear came from.
Only to some degree. My son did not, and I fear he resented my absence on those perfect sunny days, despite my efforts to make up for it with other activities. Both he and my wife certainly noticed how closed off I was about certain parts of my past. Secrets untold, especially those who are grounded in trauma, almost inevitably turns to toxic in our systems. I’m finally ready. I just hope it isn’t too late.
I won’t lie. I’ve always had a vivid imagination although I have never had trouble distinguishing between what is real and what is not. At least until my sense of reality was forever challenged. I know these things happened to me. I know what I saw and what I experienced was real. I just don’t have a truly rational explanation for it. Yet, I swear, there was something in the water that came with that tsunami. Something deeply, deeply unnatural. Something brightly and oddly yellow. I had no other word for it than the bright yellow terror.
I had travelled to Thailand, more precisely Bangkok late December 2000. 19 years old about to turn 20. I was on one of those infamous and increasingly popular self-discovery trips. I had caught the fever. Like so many other young hopeful adventurers at the time I had seen The Beach. I had read into the wild by Jon Krakauer.
I watched Dicaprio walk the sandy shores of paradise and read on in excitement and awe as Christopher McCandles set out to become one with nature and discover himself. Kill the false being within and all that. In simple terms, I thought I’d try and find my own slice of heaven on earth. Expand my horizon. Get to know some new people. Learn something about myself in the process perhaps. I wasn’t exactly fleeing from anything, that wasn’t it. I had a loving although cuddling and overprotective family. Especially my mom would worry about me constantly (and still does).
Yes, I admit it. My parents had paved the way for me at almost every step. Made sure I got into the right schools. Made sure I never needed for money. I guess I got tired of feeling dependent on them. I stopped taking their money and saved up for the trip myself. It was time I stepped up. It was time I threw myself into the world to see what would happen. Hell of a time and place I picked for that.
The following story is based on the surviving pages of the diary I kept during the time and my own memory.
Bangkok 23rd December 2000. 4 days before the tsunami.
‘’My first day in Bangkok. Quite overwhelming but in a nice way. No one here to save me. No one here to tell me what to do. Thailand is hot and humid and there’s something in the air. I think it’s adventure. I think it’s limitless opportunity. I met a monkey in a diaper and got thoroughly beaten and lost 100 bath in a game of connect four by some 10-year-old kid. Got scammed as well though, I will have to wise up and learn the ropes. Avoid the yellow taxis. Go for the Tuk Tuks. Well, lesson learned. I met a guy who told me all kinds of terrifying things about Australia. Robert. I’m meeting him in Phuket a couple of days from now.’’
You could probably imagine the excitement bubbling within me. For the first time on my own. 19 years old. Prime of my life. In a strangely new and exotic city. Possibilities seemed endless. I still remember vividly driving off with the wind in my hair in a tuk-tuk as Bangkok unfolded before me with all its oriental mysticism and surrounding cityscapes. To be fair, I had never even seen an honest to god palm tree before as they simply couldn’t grow in the northern climate I was from.
I got myself stationed in a decent guesthouse around Khaosan Road. Everywhere I looked it seems others had gotten the same idea as me. Backpackers littered the streets and in a strange way, I felt at home amidst this quiet chaos, amidst the crowds of hopefully likeminded explorers, far, far away from home. The humidity was hitting me though, it was something I would have to get used to. It felt like a wet hot invisible blanket. Khaosan Road was perfect for me. A meeting place for young backpackers, with tons of opportunities to plan further travels. I did after all, not plan on staying in Bangkok for too long. It was just a stepping point to other adventures.
It was still early, and the humidity was clammy as hell. I was in the mood to socialize and with no real plans I simply ventured out into the streets of Bangkok, circling around the area where my guesthouse was located. It wasn’t long before the first opportunity presented itself in the form of a taxi driver calling me over. He offered to take me on a tour of the city. Foolish and naïve as I was, I indulged him. I remember how the cab driver lit up a doobie, joint, spliff, devil’s lettuce whatever you want to call it.
You know it as soon as you breathe in the air. Don’t get me wrong, I smoked myself, but letting a clearly high person drive me around the busy Bangkok traffic did not seem like a good idea. I should probably have asked to be let out that very moment, but as the kind of timid, shy type of person I was plus the desire to just go along with whatever happened come what may made me stay. Unsurprisingly I was eventually led to a store, fitted for a suit a didn’t want, and then subsequently charged an obscene amount for the cab ride. I didn’t have the courage to refuse his unreasonable demand. Noteworthy mention. That same night I heard from a fellow traveler that just recently someone had been stabbed in an argument with a cab driver. I didn’t let it get me down or drive me off course, because as you’ve probably gathered by now, I didn’t have a course.
As day turned to night and when the sun’s rays slowly disappeared behind the rooftops of Bangkok, the city itself began to transform. As if a part of it which had laid dormant, hidden away from the light, started to emerge.
Neon lights advertising different bars, people making all kinds of promises of untold pleasures and sensations. Tourists ready to party. All now filled the streets. Some seemed all too aware of what they were looking for, others simply drifted around aimlessly, in search of something unknown, something to spice up their existence. I found a small seemingly cool place called The Hangover. I swear to god, I wish to this day I hadn’t. Maybe then I wouldn’t have set my course for Phuket. In any case, I went in and pushed myself through the crowds of rowdy and loud tourists and up the bar where I ordered a Pina Colada. Please don’t judge me. I just really like coconuts and the song is pretty good as well. Standing at the crowded bar and looking around, hoping something interesting would catch my eye. But most of all, I was hoping someone would just take the first step and come talk to me.
Someone did. His name was Robert, and he was from Australia. A tall skinny and no-nonsense older guy who seemed quite experienced with all things Thailand. He eventually invited me down to his group of friends at the far back end of the bar. Robert spared no time telling me about himself. He had worked all kinds of jobs, in all kinds of places. Most recently he had worked as a guide in Phuket. Among other things he had arranged rock climbing expeditions. I probably forgot to mention, I was big into rock climbing and generally all kinds of outdoor activities back then.
I already had quite the climbing experience despite my young age. As Robert talked about all the places he’d been, he made me feel like the novice I was. That was never his intention though, as I quickly learned. He wasn’t a bragger. He just knew what he was talking about and when he laughed, he did it with his entire face and in a way that made you laugh with him and feel comfortable.
Eventually the conversation naturally gravitated towards Australia. A place I had always wanted to visit. He looked at me for a second, as if to contemplate something. Then told me to watch out for locals trying to play pranks on me. I was naturally interested in hearing more and that’s when he told me about drop bears. Supposedly drop bears are carnivorous versions of Koalas residing in trees to then drop down on unsuspecting victims and viciously attack them. We laughed quite a lot, and I admitted I would probably have believed the stories as I was a fairly naive person and the idea of hostile subspecies of koalas didn’t seem that farfetched to me. It would be typical of past me to get punked around like that. Our conversation then shifted towards Australian wildlife and fauna and the horrors residing within its diverse and complicated eco system. He told me about a plant not uncommonly referred to as the suicide plant. Dendrocnide moroides or more commonly known as stinging tree, stinging bush or gympie gympie apparently has such a nasty and painful sting it made a man commit suicide simply to escape the pain. Another dangerous inhabitant was the box jellyfish he explained.
Their sting was about as deadly as it gets. A single sting to a human will cause necrosis of the skin, excruciating pain and, if the dose of venom is large enough, cardiac arrest and death within minutes. I have always found jellyfish equal parts fascinating and equal parts frightening. Beautiful but deadly creatures. In fact, the ocean, in all its grand wide-reaching glory had always horrified me to some extent. So much unexplored space. Who truly knows what could be lurking down there? Robert quickly assured me, that as long as you take your precaution the likelihood of getting stung by a box jellyfish was rather small. They had signs up warning people against them. Generally, do not ignore these signs. They are there for a good reason.
It was getting late and before we said our goodbyes Robert suggested I meet him in Phuket, more precisely in the Khao Lak area on the 28th as that was the first day he would be able to. I thought why not? He seemed genuinely nice and knowledgeable. Just good company all around and he promised to show me the greatest climbing spots a bit away from the crowded tours. It was a start.
I would never meet Robert again. I don’t know what happened to him. Thinking back on those days leading up to the point the waves came crashing down always gives me an uneasy, sad, and melancholic feeling. The people I met in Bangkok talking about going south. Those I met in Phuket before it happened. I have no idea if they ended up as corpses floating through the murky brown waters or god forbid, victims of that unholy terror from the deep. I hope Robert wasn’t among those unfortunate souls who died or went… ‘’Missing’’. Although if I must pick one or the other. I would hope he died quickly.
Bangkok 24th of December 2000. 3 days before the tsunami.
I woke up with a slight hangover. Christmas is commonly celebrated on this date in my country, so I was expecting some calls to go through on my brick sized Nokia at some point once all the good folks back home woke up. They were about 5 hours behind me and at 9 AM Bangkok time they would still be sleeping. I used the time to do some shopping before my trip to Phuket. I got plenty of rope, a couple of snap hooks and a harness. I knew they’d have all of this on the guided tours, but I liked to find my own spots to climb, and I had good sense and knowledge enough to not attempt anything too daring. By the way. For those uninitiated, snap hooks are used to make a quick, reversible connection on a system of ropes, or to connect a rope or cord to another component, like a lanyard medallion or barrier post. Essential if you want to go climbing. If you’ve ever gone ziplining it’s the thing that connects you safely to the zipline and lets you slight across.
After having done my shopping, I bought a bus ticket to Phuket intending on leaving that same night and went back to my hotel room. As exciting as Bangkok was, I felt it was more for people intend on partying and in all honesty, a bit too crowded for me. I was excited to move on and I could always come back if I wanted to. On my way into the reception area, I was stopped by a young hip looking dude looking for a cigarette. Now I don’t necessarily consider myself a perfect judge of character, but he had an easy-going way about him that immediately drew me in. Sometimes, you can just tell.
He had sort of a rugged look about him. Dirty blond half-long hair. His face I would best describe as boyish but something in his eyes betrayed him and revealed his age to be older than you would assume. His style was… Boheme I guess I would describe it as. Like something taken out of the 70s LA scene. I’m not a smoker. Never was. So, I couldn’t help him on that front. It didn’t matter he would find someone else he said. For a while we just casually talked. Apparently, he had come to Bangkok just a few days prior and seemed about as lost and without direction as I had been before deciding on taking my chances in Phuket. Alex was his name, and he would later save my life and help me understand what it means to forge a quick and unbreakable connection through shared trauma, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
He asked me if I wanted to go somewhere and get a beer. I thought why not? He was about my age and on his own as well. I told him I had to go make some calls and I’d be out in about an hour. Back the hotel room I quickly gathered all my stuff and packed it up, so it was ready to go. My climbing gear took up the most space. I figured if things went well with Alex, I might be able to persuade him in joining me at some point in Phuket. Even though I had set out for this trip to be about discovering myself and being on my own, I longed for some kind of company. Don’t we all? I called my parents up and we wished each other a happy Christmas. It was odd to think they were somewhere nearly half-way across the world celebrating Christmas while snow draped the landscapes there. Here I was, In hot and humid paradise. No, I did not miss the cold or the snow, but I did miss not being there to celebrate the holidays with my family. But it had been my choice to go during the holiday season and I did not regret it. I had saved up enough money and there was no point in waiting anymore. There would be many other holidays to celebrate in the future.
My 5-year-old nephew somehow got a hold of the phone. Not quite the conversationalist yet, it still felt good to hear his voice. Hearing his excitement over the prospect of celebrating Christmas brought me back to my own childhood. Decorating the Christmas tree, watching holiday cartoons and of course, opening presents. I finished my calls and went out to see if Alex was ready. He was already waiting for me and had apparently managed to score some cigarettes in the meantime. He had changed his outfit as well. Now wearing a faded black doors t-shirt. We talked a bit about Jim Morrison and the doors as we headed off down streets. We passed a myriad of small stands selling everything from electronics to colorful t-shirts and small bracelets with campy misspelled English catchphrases. We dodged the many intrusive offers and eventually found a small comfy looking bar with seats outside shaded by palm trees. We ordered a couple of beers and the conversation started flowing along quite nicely. Alex was 25 and from London It turned out. We also had a common interest in music. For a while he had busked as a street musician while working odd jobs here and there and had eventually decided to travel the world.
His first stop had been India where for a while he had lived on the rooftop of some abandoned building while attempting to learn the art of playing the sitar. I thought about that for a second. Living it rough on some rooftop in India. I don’t know why that idea intrigued me so much. Seemed like freedom to me, I guess. Sleeping under the wide-open skies. Looking down on the streets and watching people go about their lives. I guess I just liked the idea of doing something that seemed different from what I had ever done before. Living on a rooftop, if even just for a while, was definitely not something I had done before. There was the view as well, Alex reminded me. And it was free of course. We drifted off into long conversations about music I won’t bore you too much with, only to let you know we shared a passion for old school music like the doors and Jimi Hendrix as well as 90s shoegaze music like My Bloody Valentine, Ride and Slowdive. I had Slowdive’s Shine playing in my mind that day. All felt so dreamy at the time.
I eventually told Alex of my plans to go to Phuket and he was onboard almost immediately. I loved how easy it was here on the road. There was no ‘’well maybe’’, or ‘’let’s think about it.’’ In fact, Alex had been to Phuket before and knew of a place we could stay for free. Another rooftop of course, but he had already sold me on the idea. From there, we could plan our next step he said. ‘’our next step’’ I don’t remember vibing with someone that quickly before or since, but then I guess making friends is always easier when you’re young and easy going. I always seemed to attract good company without much effort back then. I chalk it down to my friendly and slightly shy demeanor. Seems it only becomes harder to make friends as the years pass though. At least for me it did.
We got a bus ticket for Alex and shopped a bit more. I got some first aid supplies. Bandages, plasters, that kind of stuff. Rock climbing is safe, mind you, but you can end up scraping yourself and I felt in general, being prepared for whatever might be a good idea if I was to live it rough on some rooftop. The bus-ride to Phuket took about 12 hours give or take. By going at night, we could sleep most of the way and be in Phuket early morning on the 25th. The trip down was uneventful. We would take turns listening to music on Alex’s Walkman or talk about things we saw along the way. Like roadside bars and restaurants who were little more than a tin roof covering a few plastic chairs and brightly colored menu cards. Everything seemed simpler here, in the best ways possible.
No big flash, no fanfares or luxury. Nothing pretentious. Just a calm, laid back atmosphere and friendly smiles from the locals as we passed by. Alex told me he wanted to start a band blending elements of Shoegaze with classic rock and insisted I learn to play the drums as he had tried but found no luck. String instruments were more him he told me. I told him jokingly if he could come up with a good name, I might be down. He just nodded and looked out the window and started talking about how beef was a rare and more expensive ingredient in Thai cuisine, and I wondered about the sudden random change of subject. Although we had talked a lot during the short time we had known each other, Alex was still a mystery to me in many ways. Judging from all the things he told me he seemed like a person who dreamed big, but never really followed through
An unfinished education. Scribbles on pieces of paper that ended up gathering dust in his drawer instead of turning into a book. A band that never really took off because he lost interest or didn’t deem that it was good enough to get successful. He talked at length about leaving a legacy. It seemed to be something that concerned him. I guess he wanted to put his mark on the world. To be remembered. To live on in some small way. I had never really thought about it myself although I did have a fascination with historical people and the lives they lived. In fact, when I do read I mostly read biographies. I just never had any ambition like that myself. I don’t need the world to know my name, or sing my praises, or remember me. Good friends, family and a sense of freedom and adventure was enough. I had tried to ask Alex about his family and friends back home, but he seemed avoidant and always found a way to change the subject without really providing any meaningful information. At certain points, I sensed a carefully hidden sadness behind his otherwise optimistically youthful and bright blue gaze.
Phuket 25th of December 2000. 2 days before the tsunami.
Alex woke me up. It was 9 AM and we had arrived at the Phuket bus terminal 1 near Phang Nga Road. We were here. Alex explained to me that the there were several derelict and abandoned buildings perfect for establishing a free of charge rooftop domicile in an area not too far from the resorts of Khao Lak. Phuket back then wasn’t exactly the overcrowded tourist spot it is today, but it was well on the way. I understood why. The scenery was beautiful. Long sandy beaches with small island dots in the horizon, begging to be explored. Giant limestone cliffs covered in green shrubs. It did seem like paradise to me, without being too far away from civilization. I guess despite my adventurous nature, I wasn’t quite ready at that point, to walk into the wild, which is why Khao Lak seemed perfect as a start for me.
We found the area Alex had talked about. Several derelict buildings were concentrated in a small area divided by a main street that if followed long enough, led to an area with shops and places to dine. We set our eyes on what looked like an abandoned apartment complex. It was derelict, rugged looking and it seemed clear at first that no one lived there. Its ghostly façade begged us inside to explore and we accepted the invitation. As we made our way in, through a busted window in the back, we quickly became aware that the place might not be as abandoned as we had initially thought. Several signs of squatters such as cooking utensils and sleeping mats lay scattered here and there. Alex quickly rationalized that it could just be other backpackers, or it could be the people had moved on. I shrugged and we decided to make our way to the roof. We made our way to the top floor and accessed a broken-down door that led directly out onto the roof. I must admit, besides excitement, I was somewhat hesitant. Any doubt I had disappeared when we first stepped onto the rooftop terrace. It was perfect. It seemed it had functioned as a balcony or space of sorts the inhabitants could make use of for gatherings.
The entire space was surrounded by a fence. Several palm trees shaded the northwest corner which was perfect for when things got too hot. In the middle a small shed or janitorial sort of building stood. We found some cleaning materials, brooms, some parasols in there as well as an old rusty grill. The view was great. We could see the large beachfront in the far distance surrounded by limestones. After inspecting the area and finding it to our liking we sat down, and Alex broke out a bottle of whiskey. Unaware of the horror that would later unfold here, we celebrated in the shade of the palm trees. We had found our place for a while. Our place.
After a while we decided to put some money in the local economy and shop for supplies.
Essentials: Water. Cigarettes. Booze. The devil’s lettuce. Cooking utensils. Although none of us was admittedly any much of a cook. But what the hell. Can’t be seen dining out every night when we were trying to live off the fat of the land so to speak. I know, ridiculous. We were squatters. Nothing more. But heck, we would move on if we became a problem for any one here. We weren’t trying to be a bother.
Optional but greatly wanted: A blow-up animal mascot. Maybe a dolphin if possible. Some new music for Alex’s walk-man. A guitar. Decorating artifacts of any kind to make our domicile more personal.
We more or less got everything we needed and started setting up base. Getting our hands on something funny to smoke proved the biggest challenge but Alex finally succeeded at a beachfront bar. Some friendly Norwegian dude who had connections apparently. He warned us against being too open about doing drugs, even if was ‘’just’’ marijuana. Thailand had a strict approach to drugs. We thanked him and he told us to just come back here at the bar if we needed more, he was usually around.
Afternoon was rolling around and there we were. Sitting atop Phuket. On our very own rooftop presidential suite. We decorated the place with a few things we found. Among them ‘’Arthur’’ our blow-up shark (they had no dolphins). Alex had come up with the name, I asked him why ‘’Arthur’’ but in what I had quickly come to know as typical Alex fashion he just shrugged it off. We just smoked a bit and drank some booze as the evening progressed and I told Alex about Robert and Australia and all the nasty things that could kill you there. I’m not sure why, but it had made an impression on me. Insects, rare poisonous creatures, stuff like that was nightmare fuel for me. Don’t even get me started on spiders. Alex was a bit more laid back on that front. He seemed most amused and interested in the suicide plant and wondered if some poor soul had ever mistakenly used it as toilet paper and we had a good hard chuckle over that idea. Poor soul indeed.
As night rolled on stars started popping up on a clear night the sky and I learned that Alex had a fascination with the universe. Particularly the idea of multiverses and infinite universes. What if somewhere out there we were looking back at ourselves. Slightly different but still us. Sometimes it seemed to me he longed to be anywhere else but where he was. Maybe trapped in the past he was so reluctant to share with me. Then we started talking about time. I don’t exactly remember why. I think he brought it up.
Anyway, Alex had a lot to say about time. Like how he believed our perception of time is tied to our experiences. For example, someone who spends their life not stepping up, not really taking risks or chances, just following along the stream, just following the routine, in essence, just killing time, might experience time as having moved fast when they look back, because there are simply less variety, less volume, less memories to look back on. We don’t remember routines, we remember breaking them, we remember doing new things, meeting new people, being in new places. It creates the illusion that gives time volume, that makes it seem fuller, longer. I liked that idea a lot. It made sense to me. Make sure you live life to the fullest and waste as little time as possible.
I told him about my 10th grade math teacher and how he said something about time I will never forget. Our perception of time can be measured mathematically. For example, to a 4-year-old turning 5 the transition of a year will seem much longer than it will to a 24-year-old turning 25. Because 1 in 5 is a larger fraction than 1 in 25. It blew my mind. The longer you live, the faster time seem to pass. But I agreed with him, maybe the quality and variety of the life you live and the memories you make has an affect too. Alex made a ‘’boom’’ motion with his hands around his head and laughed. We were quite stoned at that point and well, some of you might know how being stoned sometimes throws you into these philosophical conversations. It was nice. I enjoyed the ease with which I could talk to Alex about all kinds of things.
At one point I asked him a hypothetical. If he could go back in time and change just one thing, what would he do. He fell silent. I once again sensed the sadness creeping behind his eyes. It was if he was about to answer, like he was sizing me up but then shot the idea down. Time travel is impossible, so why bother was his only response and I accepted that whatever troubled him in the past, was not for me to know even if my interest only grew stronger and stronger.
I told him about my family. My overprotective mother. My father and his desperate attempts to get me interested in cars. About my older sister and my nephew. Alex nodded and asked the usual polite questions. When the subject came to my little brother his interest seemed to spark significantly. How old was he? Was I good older brother? Did I look out for him? I didn’t think much about it at the time other than finding it curious how interested he seemed to be. When we finally settled in the for night, under the starry sky, I slipped into a nightmare. It was the same I had had years earlier when I was 16. Back then I was having a hard time adjusting to the new school I had started at and maybe because of that stress I was having nightmares coupled with sleep paralysis.
I would lie in my bed, paralyzed. On my side, facing the door to my room. I often had the light on outside of the room and it would shine in through the open door. This one time , I saw dark figure approaching. Optimistically I assumed it was my mom, coming to wake me up. Although as the dark figure approached, I quickly realized this wasn’t so. No words were uttered. The eerie figure just slowly came closer, until it was right by my bed side. It sat down and I realized it was an old woman or man. It was hard to tell, because its face was literally just a mish mash of wrinkled flesh. No eyes and no mouth either. But it mumbled through its mouthless face. Speaking in tongues.
I spent some considerable time afterwards wondering what it could have been trying to communicate to me. I know of course, this was all just my mind playing tricks on me. Yet, that experience was, I suppose, my first nudge towards believing there’s more between heaven and earth than we might know. It seemed aggressive in any case. My insides were screaming as I desperately tried to wiggle myself awake as I had sometimes successfully done during paralysis. I eventually woke up. Drenched in sweat. Back then though, I had actually been in my room, and in the dream the room had stood clearly for me as it actually looked in reality which only made it seem more real. This time, I woke up next to Alex, still drenched in sweat. Alex had woken up. I had screamed in my sleep apparently. He comforted me in an almost brotherly show of affection. It took me by surprise a bit. I appreciated it, though it only made me wonder about him even more. I would have to solve the mystery behind Alex I decided. I would have to truly gain his trust. Figure him out. And I did.
Phuket 26th of December 2000. 1 day before the tsunami.
‘’Alex played the guitar a bit and I drummed up some beats. It needed some work, but not half bad. We came up with a name for our band to be as well. Subway sleepers. Based on Alex’s time sleeping in the subway of London. It was another hot perfect day on the rooftop. We talked about going climbing the next day and I can’t wait to show Alex the joys of rock climbing. Everything is peaceful here. No stress. Just living life. Smoking it up. Meeting new people. We talked some more with that Norwegian weed dude and invited him and a couple of his friends up to ‘’our’’ place for a party. Another near perfect day.’’
Looking at these diary scribbles is making me feel it all over again. The serenity of those calm worriless summer days (well it was winter back home but it felt like summer here. Strange that) leading up to disaster. Always calmest before the storm they say. This was our last day before everything changed. Before I got a lesson in humanity. In stress under crisis. Before everything I thought I knew changed forever in the meeting with something that surely shouldn’t exist in this world.
2024.05.19 18:46 kittyfirstply Factory Outlet Store Coupon Code for May 2024
Check out the link for Factory Outlet Store Coupon Code for May 2024. Once on the website, you'll have access to a variety of coupons, promo codes, and discount deals that are updated regularly to help you save on your purchase.
submitted by kittyfirstply to DiscountMaximal [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 18:03 fonybalonee I can spend $700 at the Anniversay Sale buying a tent, bag and pad. What should I buy?
Good morning ChatGPT. REI is having their 2024 Anniversary Sale this week. I want buy three items that are on sale (excluding REI Outlet). My budget is $700. Based on the following parameters I want you to pick the best items that will fit into the budget. 1) 2person backpacking tent with highest square footage to weight ratio 2) mummy style mens sleeping bag with a temperature rating of 20 to 30 degrees and the best warmth to weight ratio and 3) inflatable air pad with minimum R-value of 4.0 and high warmth to weight ratio. ChatGPT
Good morning! Let's find the best items from REI's 2024 Anniversary Sale within your budget of $700. Here are the items based on your parameters:
Since this is still slightly over budget, consider checking the sale prices and applying any additional discounts or member coupons REI may be offering during the sale to bring it within the $700 budget.
What if I only want a down filled bag?ChatGPT
Given your preference for a down-filled sleeping bag, let's adjust the selection accordingly. Here’s a revised list of items fitting your criteria and budget:
Since the total is slightly over $700, you can:
If I want to save weight and buy the Magma bag instead of the Kelty could I choose a less expensive tent or pad?ChatGPT
Sure, we can select a less expensive tent or pad to fit the REI Co-op Magma 15 sleeping bag within your $700 budget. Here’s an adjusted selection with the Magma sleeping bag:
Since this is still slightly over budget, you can look for additional discounts or member coupons during the REI Anniversary Sale.
How about if I sell my old car for $300 and raise my budget to $1000. Make sure to keep the Magma bag on the list.ChatGPT
With a new budget of $1000 and keeping the REI Co-op Magma 15 Sleeping Bag on the list, we can choose higher-quality and lightweight items for the tent and sleeping pad. Here’s an optimized selection:
Given this total, you are slightly over your $1000 budget. Let's look for a less expensive but still high-quality alternative for either the tent or pad to stay within budget:
To stay within your $1000 budget, the optimal combination would be:
This combination provides a high-quality, lightweight setup while staying within your $1000 budget. Enjoy your upgraded backpacking gear!
Can you give the total price which would account for the current discounts. ChatGPT
Searched 5 sites
With your increased budget of $1000, here's a selection of high-quality backpacking gear that fits your requirements and takes advantage of the discounts available during REI's 2024 Anniversary Sale:
This combination totals $747.44, leaving you with $252.56 under your $1000 budget. This allows you to either save the remaining amount or consider purchasing additional gear or accessories such as trekking poles, a backpack, or other useful items for your trips.
These prices reflect the discounts available during the REI Anniversary Sale (REI) (Slickdeals) (CleverHiker). This setup offers high-quality, lightweight, and efficient gear for your backpacking needs, maximizing your budget effectively.
If I switch the Half Dome tent for the Big Agnes Copper Spur 2 what would be the total price taking into acount the discounts.ChatGPT
Searched 4 sites
Switching to the Big Agnes Copper Spur HV UL2 tent and keeping the REI Co-op Magma 15 sleeping bag, here’s the updated total with current discounts:
With your new budget of $1000, this total of $707.32 fits well within your budget, leaving you with approximately $292.68 to spare. This combination optimizes for weight, warmth, and overall value, making it an excellent choice for your backpacking needs.
Thank you for your time. Now I can go to the store and not need to get advice from a sales person. ChatGPT
You're welcome! I'm glad I could help. With this information, you should be well-prepared to make informed decisions at the store without needing further advice from sales staff. Enjoy your shopping and your future backpacking adventures! If you have any more questions, feel free to ask.
submitted by fonybalonee to REI [link] [comments]
Good morning! Let's find the best items from REI's 2024 Anniversary Sale within your budget of $700. Here are the items based on your parameters:
- 2-Person Backpacking Tent
- Mummy Style Men's Sleeping Bag (20-30 degrees)
- Inflatable Air Pad (minimum R-value of 4.0)
1. 2-Person Backpacking Tent
- Big Agnes Copper Spur HV UL2 Tent
- Weight: 2 lbs. 11 oz.
- Floor Area: 29 square feet
- Peak Height: 40 inches
- Square Footage to Weight Ratio: Approximately 10.5 sq. ft./lb.
- Price: $449.95 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
2. Mummy Style Men's Sleeping Bag (20-30 degrees)
- REI Co-op Magma 15 Sleeping Bag
- Temperature Rating: 15 degrees Fahrenheit (though often rated conservatively, suitable for 20-30 degrees with layering)
- Weight: 1 lb. 12 oz.
- Fill Power: 850-fill-power goose down
- Price: $399.00 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
- Marmot Trestles Elite Eco 20 Sleeping Bag
- Temperature Rating: 20 degrees Fahrenheit
- Weight: 2 lbs. 6.6 oz.
- Fill: HL-ElixR Eco synthetic
- Price: $159.00 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
3. Inflatable Air Pad
- Therm-a-Rest NeoAir XTherm Sleeping Pad
- R-value: 6.9
- Weight: 15 oz.
- Dimensions: 72 x 20 x 2.5 inches (Regular size)
- Price: $239.95 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
- Sea to Summit Ether Light XT Insulated Air Sleeping Pad
- R-value: 4.2
- Weight: 1 lb. 1 oz.
- Dimensions: 72 x 20 x 4 inches (Regular size)
- Price: $199.00 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
Optimal Selection within $700 Budget
- Big Agnes Copper Spur HV UL2 Tent - Approximately $449.95
- Marmot Trestles Elite Eco 20 Sleeping Bag - Approximately $159.00
- Sea to Summit Ether Light XT Insulated Air Sleeping Pad - Approximately $199.00
Total Estimated Cost
449.95 (tent) + 159.00 (sleeping bag) + 199.00 (air pad) = $807.95Adjusted Selection
Since the total exceeds $700, let's swap the air pad for a more budget-friendly option:- REI Co-op Flash Thermal Sleeping Pad
- R-value: 5.3
- Weight: 1 lb. 4 oz.
- Price: $149.00 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
Since this is still slightly over budget, consider checking the sale prices and applying any additional discounts or member coupons REI may be offering during the sale to bring it within the $700 budget.
Final Purchase List
- Big Agnes Copper Spur HV UL2 Tent
- Marmot Trestles Elite Eco 20 Sleeping Bag
- REI Co-op Flash Thermal Sleeping Pad
What if I only want a down filled bag?ChatGPT
Given your preference for a down-filled sleeping bag, let's adjust the selection accordingly. Here’s a revised list of items fitting your criteria and budget:
1. 2-Person Backpacking Tent
- Big Agnes Copper Spur HV UL2 Tent
- Weight: 2 lbs. 11 oz.
- Floor Area: 29 square feet
- Peak Height: 40 inches
- Square Footage to Weight Ratio: Approximately 10.5 sq. ft./lb.
- Price: $449.95 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
2. Mummy Style Men's Down Sleeping Bag (20-30 degrees)
- REI Co-op Magma 15 Sleeping Bag
- Temperature Rating: 15 degrees Fahrenheit
- Weight: 1 lb. 12 oz.
- Fill Power: 850-fill-power goose down
- Price: $399.00 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
- Kelty Cosmic 20 Down Sleeping Bag
- Temperature Rating: 20 degrees Fahrenheit
- Weight: 2 lbs. 10 oz.
- Fill Power: 550-fill-power duck down
- Price: $149.95 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
3. Inflatable Air Pad
- Therm-a-Rest NeoAir XTherm Sleeping Pad
- R-value: 6.9
- Weight: 15 oz.
- Dimensions: 72 x 20 x 2.5 inches (Regular size)
- Price: $239.95 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
- Sea to Summit Ether Light XT Insulated Air Sleeping Pad
- R-value: 4.2
- Weight: 1 lb. 1 oz.
- Dimensions: 72 x 20 x 4 inches (Regular size)
- Price: $199.00 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
Optimal Selection within $700 Budget
- Big Agnes Copper Spur HV UL2 Tent - Approximately $449.95
- Kelty Cosmic 20 Down Sleeping Bag - Approximately $149.95
- Sea to Summit Ether Light XT Insulated Air Sleeping Pad - Approximately $199.00
Total Estimated Cost
449.95 (tent) + 149.95 (sleeping bag) + 199.00 (air pad) = $798.90Since the total is slightly over $700, you can:
- Look for additional discounts or member coupons during the REI Anniversary Sale.
- Consider the REI Co-op Flash Thermal Sleeping Pad to reduce the cost:
- REI Co-op Flash Thermal Sleeping Pad
- R-value: 5.3
- Weight: 1 lb. 4 oz.
- Price: $149.00 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
Final Purchase List
- Big Agnes Copper Spur HV UL2 Tent
- Kelty Cosmic 20 Down Sleeping Bag
- REI Co-op Flash Thermal Sleeping Pad
If I want to save weight and buy the Magma bag instead of the Kelty could I choose a less expensive tent or pad?ChatGPT
Sure, we can select a less expensive tent or pad to fit the REI Co-op Magma 15 sleeping bag within your $700 budget. Here’s an adjusted selection with the Magma sleeping bag:
1. Mummy Style Men's Down Sleeping Bag (20-30 degrees)
- REI Co-op Magma 15 Sleeping Bag
- Temperature Rating: 15 degrees Fahrenheit
- Weight: 1 lb. 12 oz.
- Fill Power: 850-fill-power goose down
- Price: $399.00 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
2. Less Expensive 2-Person Backpacking Tent
- REI Co-op Half Dome SL 2+ Tent
- Weight: 4 lbs. 11 oz.
- Floor Area: 33.75 square feet
- Peak Height: 39 inches
- Price: $329.00 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
- NEMO Dagger 2P Tent
- Weight: 3 lbs. 14 oz.
- Floor Area: 31.3 square feet
- Peak Height: 42 inches
- Price: $479.95 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
3. Inflatable Air Pad
- Therm-a-Rest NeoAir XTherm Sleeping Pad
- R-value: 6.9
- Weight: 15 oz.
- Dimensions: 72 x 20 x 2.5 inches (Regular size)
- Price: $239.95 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
- REI Co-op Flash Thermal Sleeping Pad
- R-value: 5.3
- Weight: 1 lb. 4 oz.
- Price: $149.00 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
Optimal Selection within $700 Budget
- REI Co-op Magma 15 Sleeping Bag - Approximately $399.00
- REI Co-op Half Dome SL 2+ Tent - Approximately $329.00
- REI Co-op Flash Thermal Sleeping Pad - Approximately $149.00
Total Estimated Cost
399.00 (sleeping bag) + 329.00 (tent) + 149.00 (air pad) = $877.00Adjusted Selection with a Less Expensive Tent
To stay within the $700 budget, consider a more affordable tent option:- REI Co-op Passage 2 Tent
- Weight: 5 lbs. 7 oz.
- Floor Area: 31.75 square feet
- Peak Height: 40 inches
- Price: $159.00 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
Since this is still slightly over budget, you can look for additional discounts or member coupons during the REI Anniversary Sale.
Final Purchase List
- REI Co-op Magma 15 Sleeping Bag
- REI Co-op Passage 2 Tent
- REI Co-op Flash Thermal Sleeping Pad
How about if I sell my old car for $300 and raise my budget to $1000. Make sure to keep the Magma bag on the list.ChatGPT
With a new budget of $1000 and keeping the REI Co-op Magma 15 Sleeping Bag on the list, we can choose higher-quality and lightweight items for the tent and sleeping pad. Here’s an optimized selection:
1. Mummy Style Men's Down Sleeping Bag (20-30 degrees)
- REI Co-op Magma 15 Sleeping Bag
- Temperature Rating: 15 degrees Fahrenheit
- Weight: 1 lb. 12 oz.
- Fill Power: 850-fill-power goose down
- Price: $399.00 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
2. 2-Person Backpacking Tent
- Big Agnes Copper Spur HV UL2 Tent
- Weight: 2 lbs. 11 oz.
- Floor Area: 29 square feet
- Peak Height: 40 inches
- Square Footage to Weight Ratio: Approximately 10.5 sq. ft./lb.
- Price: $449.95 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
3. Inflatable Air Pad
- Therm-a-Rest NeoAir XTherm Sleeping Pad
- R-value: 6.9
- Weight: 15 oz.
- Dimensions: 72 x 20 x 2.5 inches (Regular size)
- Price: $239.95 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
Total Estimated Cost
- REI Co-op Magma 15 Sleeping Bag: $399.00
- Big Agnes Copper Spur HV UL2 Tent: $449.95
- Therm-a-Rest NeoAir XTherm Sleeping Pad: $239.95
Given this total, you are slightly over your $1000 budget. Let's look for a less expensive but still high-quality alternative for either the tent or pad to stay within budget:
Alternative Tent Option
- REI Co-op Half Dome SL 2+ Tent
- Weight: 4 lbs. 11 oz.
- Floor Area: 33.75 square feet
- Peak Height: 39 inches
- Price: $329.00 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
- REI Co-op Magma 15 Sleeping Bag: $399.00
- REI Co-op Half Dome SL 2+ Tent: $329.00
- Therm-a-Rest NeoAir XTherm Sleeping Pad: $239.95
Alternative Pad Option
- Sea to Summit Ether Light XT Insulated Air Sleeping Pad
- R-value: 4.2
- Weight: 1 lb. 1 oz.
- Dimensions: 72 x 20 x 4 inches (Regular size)
- Price: $199.00 (Sale price might be lower, check the current discount)
- REI Co-op Magma 15 Sleeping Bag: $399.00
- Big Agnes Copper Spur HV UL2 Tent: $449.95
- Sea to Summit Ether Light XT Insulated Air Sleeping Pad: $199.00
To stay within your $1000 budget, the optimal combination would be:
Final Purchase List
- REI Co-op Magma 15 Sleeping Bag - $399.00
- REI Co-op Half Dome SL 2+ Tent - $329.00
- Therm-a-Rest NeoAir XTherm Sleeping Pad - $239.95
This combination provides a high-quality, lightweight setup while staying within your $1000 budget. Enjoy your upgraded backpacking gear!
Can you give the total price which would account for the current discounts. ChatGPT
Searched 5 sites
With your increased budget of $1000, here's a selection of high-quality backpacking gear that fits your requirements and takes advantage of the discounts available during REI's 2024 Anniversary Sale:
1. Sleeping Bag
REI Co-op Magma 15 Sleeping Bag (Men's)- Sale Price: $297.49 (25% off from $399.95)
- Features: Down fill, rated for 16°F, 1 lb 12 oz weight, excellent warmth-to-weight ratio.
2. Tent
REI Co-op Half Dome SL 2+ Tent- Sale Price: $262.49 (25% off from $349.95)
- Features: 2-person, 3 lb 15 oz weight, spacious interior, high square footage-to-weight ratio.
3. Sleeping Pad
Therm-a-Rest NeoAir XTherm Sleeping Pad- Sale Price: $187.46 (25% off from $249.95)
- Features: R-value of 6.9, weight 15 oz, high warmth-to-weight ratio.
Total Cost
- Magma 15 Sleeping Bag: $297.49
- Half Dome SL 2+ Tent: $262.49
- NeoAir XTherm Sleeping Pad: $187.46
This combination totals $747.44, leaving you with $252.56 under your $1000 budget. This allows you to either save the remaining amount or consider purchasing additional gear or accessories such as trekking poles, a backpack, or other useful items for your trips.
These prices reflect the discounts available during the REI Anniversary Sale (REI) (Slickdeals) (CleverHiker). This setup offers high-quality, lightweight, and efficient gear for your backpacking needs, maximizing your budget effectively.
If I switch the Half Dome tent for the Big Agnes Copper Spur 2 what would be the total price taking into acount the discounts.ChatGPT
Searched 4 sites
Switching to the Big Agnes Copper Spur HV UL2 tent and keeping the REI Co-op Magma 15 sleeping bag, here’s the updated total with current discounts:
- Big Agnes Copper Spur HV UL2 Tent
- Discounted Price: $300 (40% off from $500) (REI) (GearJunkie).
- REI Co-op Magma 15 Sleeping Bag
- Discounted Price: $279.93 (25% off from $374.95) .
- NEMO Tensor Insulated Sleeping Pad
- Discounted Price: $127.39 (25% off from $169.95) .
Total Cost Calculation
- Big Agnes Copper Spur HV UL2 Tent: $300
- REI Co-op Magma 15 Sleeping Bag: $279.93
- NEMO Tensor Insulated Sleeping Pad: $127.39
With your new budget of $1000, this total of $707.32 fits well within your budget, leaving you with approximately $292.68 to spare. This combination optimizes for weight, warmth, and overall value, making it an excellent choice for your backpacking needs.
Thank you for your time. Now I can go to the store and not need to get advice from a sales person. ChatGPT
You're welcome! I'm glad I could help. With this information, you should be well-prepared to make informed decisions at the store without needing further advice from sales staff. Enjoy your shopping and your future backpacking adventures! If you have any more questions, feel free to ask.
2024.05.19 16:52 kittyfirstply Coach Outlet Coupon Code for May 2024
Use the link for Coach Outlet Coupon Code for May 2024. The website features a wide selection of coupons, promo codes, and discount deals that are updated regularly for you to choose from and make your purchase more affordable.
submitted by kittyfirstply to DiscountMaximal [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 16:39 WuTaengClan Computer keeps tripping arc fault breaker no matter what plug I use in my new studio
Recently moved into studio in CT with all plugs on an arc fault breaker and my PC that I built and upgraded over the year is tripping the arc fault breaker every time its under load. No matter what plug I move it to it just trips that breaker as soon as I start doing anything strenuous. I'm able to browse and use simple programs seemingly forever.
The system is 15a and supplies 120 to the outlets like standard in the us. The electrician my landlord sent tested and the system is working and told me to buy something to plug the computer into to stabilize it but didn't elaborate.
I guess I just want to know if there's something wrong with my power supply in the computer or what i need to buy to solve the problem. I'm not entirely sure i understand what the arc fault is.
My pc has ran fine at my last apartment and a couple hotels as well so if there was a problem it was something that hasn't caused damage yet.
Thanks for any help or explanation given
EDIT: I feel like it might be as simple a getting a new Power Supply but I'd just want to know that the new one wouldnt also cause arc fault problems
submitted by WuTaengClan to AskElectricians [link] [comments]
The system is 15a and supplies 120 to the outlets like standard in the us. The electrician my landlord sent tested and the system is working and told me to buy something to plug the computer into to stabilize it but didn't elaborate.
I guess I just want to know if there's something wrong with my power supply in the computer or what i need to buy to solve the problem. I'm not entirely sure i understand what the arc fault is.
My pc has ran fine at my last apartment and a couple hotels as well so if there was a problem it was something that hasn't caused damage yet.
Thanks for any help or explanation given
EDIT: I feel like it might be as simple a getting a new Power Supply but I'd just want to know that the new one wouldnt also cause arc fault problems
2024.05.19 15:36 snoopythepotato Maple Memorial Equipment Collection
 | For anyone who just likes collecting old anniversary equips through this event, here is a breakdown of each collection category with details such as which equips are tradeable, exchangeable, etc. submitted by snoopythepotato to MapleSEA [link] [comments] I'm listing this because some people may want to collect them but have limited Mapril Leaves in any particular character and/or wish to store the untradeable equips in their mules, but they don't use their mules to farm Mapril Leaves, using the Wish Orb's rewards or Mapril Leaf coupons to get Leaves for redeeming the equips instead. Anyway, the majority of equips in each category are tradeable/exchangeable once within an account, etc., but a small number of them are untradeable or only exchangeable once within an account. I have listed those on the rightmost column and any medals in the list are in bold. Again, this probably won't matter to most people since these equipment are pretty much obsolete, but I guess if you have Mapril Leaves to spare... E: exchangeable once within an account (untradeable after transfer) Q: cannot be traded once equipped T: tradeable U: untradeable https://preview.redd.it/t1wgqi7s0e1d1.png?width=894&format=png&auto=webp&s=a795ad2214e58a3c8b81a79c8884935010be8ac9 |
2024.05.19 15:32 BusyBrokeMommy Why I’m here!
 | To who ever may come across this! This is not supposed to be taken so seriously! submitted by BusyBrokeMommy to u/BusyBrokeMommy [link] [comments] I know we live in a world of Mom-fluencers and fashion instas and skincare “experts” but that’s not what I’m trying to do here. Recently (actually not-so-recently) I’ve been feeling asthough it’s hard to find genuinely good reviews and information on products and routines from most of the mainstream social media platforms. And it’s questionable if the reality of such products and routines actually work for woman who live less financially lucrative lifestyles (such as myself). I know I’ve spent more money than I should on products and clothethat I questioned weather may or may not be worth it! I’ve scrolled through Instagram looking at other woman’s lives and thinking about how whatever routine they have would never be attainable for my lifestyle and it just feel like I’m forever chasing this sense of accomplishment that will never happen. It’s 2024 and we all know social media is fake, however what I love about Reddit is that (I feel) there is still a bit of genuine human to human connection and guess that’s kind of what I’m looking to get out of this! No bullshit & honestly just a fun outlet for me! |
2024.05.19 15:27 kittyfirstply Bealls Outlets Coupon Code for May 2024
Visit this page for Bealls Outlets Coupon Code for May 2024. The website offers a wide selection of coupons, promo codes, and discount deals that are updated regularly, just visit the website to find the perfect one for you.
submitted by kittyfirstply to DiscountMaximal [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 15:01 ibid-11962 Writing and Publishing Eragon [Post Murtagh Christopher Paolini Q&A Wrap Up #6]
As discussed in the first post, this is my ongoing compilation of the remaining questions Christopher has answered online between August 1st 2023 and April 30th 2024 which I've not already covered in other compilations.
As always, questions are sorted by topic, and each Q&A is annotated with a bracketed source number. Links to every source used and to the other parts of this compilation will be provided in a comment below.
The previous post focused on details about the writing of Murtagh. This installment will focus on The Writing and Publication of Eragon, including the early abandoned starts and drafts the preceded the self-published version and Christopher's journey towards getting traditionally published. In this post the topics are arranged in almost a chronological order. The next post will focus on the writing of the Fractalverse, and so will be posted on /Fractalverse.
submitted by ibid-11962 to Eragon [link] [comments]
As always, questions are sorted by topic, and each Q&A is annotated with a bracketed source number. Links to every source used and to the other parts of this compilation will be provided in a comment below.
The previous post focused on details about the writing of Murtagh. This installment will focus on The Writing and Publication of Eragon, including the early abandoned starts and drafts the preceded the self-published version and Christopher's journey towards getting traditionally published. In this post the topics are arranged in almost a chronological order. The next post will focus on the writing of the Fractalverse, and so will be posted on /Fractalverse.
Writing and Publishing Eragon
The Original Idea[When I start to write a new book] I have an image. There’s always a strong emotional component to the image, and it’s that emotion that I want to convey to readers. Everything I do after that, all of the worldbuilding, plotting, characterization, writing, and editing—all of it—is done with the goal of evoking the desired reaction from readers. In the case of the Inheritance Cycle, the image was that of a young man finding a dragon egg (and later having the dragon as a friend). [10]
Who's your favorite character to write? Well, for me, it's the dragon Saphira. She's the reason I got into writing a dragon. She came first? She came before Eragon? Like she was the catalyst? The relationship came first, her and Eragon. [33]
I was specifically inspired by a YA book called Jeremy Thatcher Dragon Hatcher by Bruce Coville, which is a delightful book. I just loved that idea so much of finding a dragon egg, I was like, "Well, what sort of a world would a dragon come from?" And I knew I wanted the sort of bond between rider and dragon that Anne McCaffrey had, but I wanted the intelligence of the dragons that you find elsewhere, and the language and the magic. And I wanted sparkly scales because it just seemed like dragons are fabulous creatures and they ought to have sparkly scales. That's the fun thing about writing your own books. You can make them exactly the way you want to make them, and hopefully then that appeals to the audience as well. [30]
All of that kind of was swirling around in my head, and I wanted to write about dragons in a way that kind of combined a lot of elements in a way that, "I like this", and "I like this piece", and "I like this piece", but I kind of wanted to have all these different pieces in one type of dragon, and no one had quite done it exactly the way I wanted. [30]
I live in Montana, and our library is an old Carnegie or Rockefeller library, and especially back in the 90s, it didn't have that many books. So once I read all the fantasy in the library, I thought I had read all the fantasy there was to read. Because I was not the smartest kid in the world sometimes. And I kind of thought, "Well, it's the library. They have all the books that exist, right? All the books that matter are in the library." And I really had no idea what to read after that. So I decided to start writing myself and to try and write the sort of story that I would enjoy reading. And of course, what I enjoyed reading was books about flying on dragons and fighting monsters and having adventures. [35]
Reading and literature was always important in our family. My father's mother was a professor of comparative literature and wrote books on Dante and all sorts of stuff like that. Was the myths and folklore part of your life at this time? Yes, but I should clarify that it wasn't formally introduced to me. It was in the house. People weren't wandering around talking about. It was just like the Aeneid is sitting on the shelf. I would go read things. I have a great uncle. He's 90 now, my mother's uncle. Guy is still sharp as a tack. It's amazing. But he gave me a set of cassette tapes of Joseph Campbell, who did Hero of a Thousand Faces. So that was my exposure to his theories of the monomyth and the eternal hero and all sorts of things like that. That got me very much interested in and thinking about the origins of the fantasy that I was reading because I was reading Tolkien and David Eddings and Anne McCaffrey and Raymond Feist and Jane Yolan and Andre Norton and Brian Jaques, and all of these you know authors who were popular at the time. I was very curious where does this come from. Tolkien, of course, felt like sort of the origin in a lot of cases but then I was discovering that, there are earlier stories that even Tolkien was drawing from. That was really a revelation to me. I really sort of got enamored with it. A lot of fantasy is nostalgic and that appealed to me because I was homeschooled and my family didn't really have a lot of relatives in the area, so I felt very unmoored from the rest of society. I think I was looking for a sense of tradition or continuity with the past and fantasy helped provide that. That's an incredibly articulate thought for a 15-year-old author. Or has that come with age? No, it was something I was feeling at the time. You were conscious of it at the time? Well, listening to the Joseph Campbell stuff, I was looking: Where are our coming of age traditions? Where is the great quest to go on to prove yourself as a young adult, as a man? Where's the great adventure? What do I do in life? Those are all things that are part of the adolescent experience and always have been which is why so many mythic stories about coming of age deal with those questions. I think it's a universal thing. That's why Harry Potter, Eragon, Twilight, all of these have appealed so much because they deal with adolescence. They deal with finding your place in the world as an adult when you're starting as a young adult or a child. [28]
What games have taught you to be a better writer either in creating characters or worldbuilding or plotting even? All of my gaming experience was computer games, video games. One that had a huge influence on me was the old Myst series. Personally I love solving puzzles, so that's the first thing. And also the concept of the series, especially with the second game, Riven, it's all based around people writing books that create new worlds. And you get to go in them and solve puzzles and understand how that world works. And that just tickled every single part of my brain back in the day. Now, I'm going to be slightly unkind here, and I apologize if the author [David Wingrove] is listening to this, but there were a couple of novels based off of Myst. And I was such a fan of the series that I got the books, and I started reading them. And my first thought was, "I could do better than this." And so I decided to rewrite the first Myst novel. And I created a document in MS Word, and I got exactly three sentences into my rewrite. And I thought to myself, "okay, I think I can do this, but I could never sell it. So I better go write something of my own." And the next thing I did was Eragon. So video games kind of had a direct influence on me writing. But actually reading something that I felt was not particularly successful was such an inspiration. Because it was like, "this got published, I know I can at least get to this level." And it was published. And then maybe I can shoot for a little bit higher. [pause] I think some people have had that experience with Eragon. [26]
Early Abandoned Starts
I had the original idea, the concept of boy finding dragon egg, and I tried writing a couple of very short versions of Eragon when I was fourteen, and none of them panned out so I stopped writing for a while. [28]Real World Version
What do you remember about the early days of writing “Eragon?” Originally, Eragon was named Kevin and the story was set in the real world. But I only finished around 10 pages. [16]Arya Opening Fantasy Version
I wrote three versions of Eragon before I wrote the version that had the unicorn, which was the first major draft. The first version was set in the real world, and that's why he's named Kevin. And the reason it was set in the real world is I was inspired by Jeremy Thatcher Dragon Hatcher, which is set in the real world. [32]
I was specifically inspired by a book called Jeremy Thatcher Dragon Hatcher by Bruce Coville. By the way, Bruce knows this. If you haven't read it, it's a great book about this young man in the real world who, spoiler, goes into an antique shop and buys a stone that ends up turning out to be a dragon egg. And I really loved that idea of a stone that was actually a dragon egg and the young man becoming joined with the dragon. And so I tried writing the story. And I got exactly five pages or six pages into it and I ran into a brick wall, because a boy finding a dragon egg is a good event, but it is not a good story. And I needed to figure out what was going to happen after that. I didn't know that at first. [36]
But then I was going down the rabbit hole of, "Well, if there's a dragon, where did the dragon come from? What if it were an actual fantasy world where the dragons were native?" And then that led me to then write a second beginning--I didn't get very far with this--that was more of a traditional fantasy story, and it opened with Arya and a couple other elves escaping a dungeon with a big battle, and at the very end of the battle, they send the dragon egg away, and Kevin finds it. But I didn't have the rest of the story, so I stopped writing it in that format. [32]Research Break
So I tried writing a second version of the story. So the first version of that story I wrote was set in the real world. Second version was more of like a fantasy world. [36]
I had the original idea when I was fourteen. I even wrote an early version of the story where it was set in the real world. But I soon realized that it was a lot more interesting to have a dragon in a fantastical setting. [8]
I tried writing before and I always failed because I would only get like four to six pages into a story and then I didn't know what to do next. And that was because I didn't actually have my story. All I really had were the inciting incidents, like a boy finds a dragon egg in the middle of a forest. Great. But that's not a story, that's just one event. What happens as a result? So before starting Eragon, I was very methodical about this. I read a whole bunch of books on how to write, how to plot stories. [35]Unused Arya Outline
I realized I wasn't getting anywhere. And I didn't know how to do what I was trying to do. Now, fortunately for me, my parents had noticed that I was getting interested in writing. And all of a sudden, books appeared in the house. There was no comment, no one forced it, these just magically appeared, and I read them. Some of the books that were incredibly helpful to me were these books that were called The Writer's Handbook, which was a collection of essays published each year by The Writer's Digest magazine. I had one from 1998, and I had one from, I think, 1993, or something like that. And there were essays from Stephen King and John Grisham and I think Ursula Le Guin and all sorts of other authors about what it was like to be an author both professionally and creatively. And that was incredibly helpful to me because again, the internet was not a resource. But the book that really made the difference for me was a book called Story by Robert McKee. It's a book for screenwriters and it's all about the structure of story. And up until that moment, I had never really consciously thought about the fact that stories have structure and that you can control that structure for the effect on the readers. So I devoured that book and I said, okay, I'm going to try this again. [36]
Did you very much sit down and study structure and character development and etc? I did. It wasn't a formal course or anything, it's just that my parents started buying these books and they started showing up. In fact, I still have them here on my shelf. This bookcase to my right is full of research books, technical books, language books. I read a book called Story by Robert McKee, which is a screenwriting book, that was and often has been very popular in Hollywood. It's a fairly technical look at story structure. I would never say do everything he says because of course you shouldn't necessarily follow any one formula, but that book really got me thinking about the fact that stories do have structure, which I hadn't really thought about before that. And that one can control that structure, and that this gives you something to work with. Before Eragon, I tried writing a number of stories and I never got past the first four to six pages, ten pages, because I never had the plot. All I would ever have was the inciting incident which, in the case of Eragon, is a young man finds a dragon egg. Ok, fine, but that's not a story. So when I read that book, then I was like wow, so I can control the structure of this. [28]
The problem with all of my early writing was that I’d get an idea and just start — I didn’t actually have a plot. But I was a pretty methodical kid, so I started reading about how to write. Fortunately, my parents are observant, and these kinds of books magically began appearing in the house. And I read all of them. [16]
So at this point, I was 15, that's when I graduated from high school and I was very methodical about it because I hate failing. So I said, okay, I'm going to create a fantasy world. And I did that. And then I said, I'm gonna plot out an entire book in this fantasy world. And I did that too. And then I said, but I'm not gonna write this. This is just a thought exercise. I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna stick it in a drawer. And I still have that to this day, that world and that story, I still have it sitting in a drawer somewhere. [36]
Then I spent some time and I created an entire fantasy world and I plotted out an entire fantasy novel in that world and I did not write it. I just stuck it in a drawer and that's where it's been sitting for 25 years now. And then I just did that to prove to myself that I could plot out an entire book. [35]
Before writing Eragon, again I was very methodical even as a teenager, I created an entire fantasy world. Wrote pages and pages about the worldbuilding, and then I plotted out an entire story in that world just to prove to myself that I could plot a story, create a world, and then I didn't write it. I put it aside. I still have it all saved. Put it in a drawer. [28]
Kevin
Writing The First Full DraftAnd then I decided okay now I'm going to plot out a trilogy, because all great fantasy stories are trilogies. I'm going to do it as the heroic monomyth, because that is, at least my understanding back then, is this is one of the oldest forms of stories. I know it works on a general sense. It's going to give me a safety net, and then I'm going to write the first book as a practice book just to see if I'm capable of producing something that's three, four, five hundred pages long. And that's what I did. That was about two and a half months of worldbuilding, plotting, creating this. Then I wrote the first book and that was Eragon. That was my practice book. I never actually planned on publishing Eragon. It was only after I'd put so much work into it and my parents read it that then we proceeded with it. I was aware of story structure. I continue to read lots of books on it. [28]The First Draft
And then version three is the version that everyone generally knows. And that's where I spent the time to plot out the whole series before writing, because having a idea of where you're going seems to help with the writing, at least for me. Usually. [32]
I originally saw Eragon as a practice novel, which is part of why it’s a very typical hero’s story. I knew that structure worked and it gave me the safety net I needed. [16]
The first draft went super fast. It went really fast because I had no idea what I was doing. And I just wrote that sucker. I wrote the first 60 pages by hand with ballpoint pen, cause I didn't know how to type on a computer. And then by the time I typed all that into the computer, I knew how to type. I did the rest in the computer. But this was back in the day when computers were fairly new. We had a Mac classic, which only had two megabytes of RAM. And the problem is that the operating system chewed up some of that memory. And my book file was around two megabytes large. So I actually had to split the book into two because I couldn't open the whole file on the computer or the computer would crash. So I had to open half the book and then close that and then open the other half. [35]
Once I finished the first draft, I was super excited and I thought, "well all of these things on how to write say that you should read your own book and see if there's any tweaks you wanna make." But I was really excited because I was getting to read my own book for the first time, and I thought this is gonna be awesome. And it didn't take very long while reading it to realize that it was awful. It was horrible. And just to give you an idea of just how bad that first draft was, in the very first draft of Eragon, Eragon wasn't named Eragon, Eragon was named Kevin. And there was also a unicorn in that first draft at one point, so you know it wasn't very good. [35]Releasing the Kevin Cut
If I heard correctly as I was reading, Eragon wasn't originally called Eragon? No, in the first draft of the book he was called Kevin. There's a reason! Look I have an explanation for it, okay. The explanation is that my original inspiration was Jeremy Thatcher Dragon Hatcher which is set in the real world. The original version of Eragon that I was developing was set in the real world and when I decided that it would make more sense to have a world where the dragons were native to and switched it over to this fantasy world and began to develop that, I just kept the name that I'd been working with, which was Kevin. Naming a main character is hard, especially when you get used to a certain name. I don't want to say I was lazy. I want to focus on the world building and writing the first draft and I'll worry about the name later. [28]
There is an early version of Eragon that no one's seen, that even my editor at Random House never saw. And that was my first draft. And in that first draft, Eragon encountered a unicorn in the Beor Mountains on the way to the Varden. And the unicorn touches him and essentially affects the transformation that he goes under during the blood oath ceremony with the elves in the second book, in Eldest. And his whole storyline with the Varden once he gets to Farthen Dûr is completely different because now he has these abilities and he and a team of people ends up getting sent on a scouting mission in the dwarven tunnels to go find the Urgal army and then they have to flee back through the tunnels to warn everyone of this huge army and I had a underground cave full of lava, and multiple shades, and a huge Urgal army. There was there was a lot of dramatic stuff. Finding the Ra'zac in Dras-Leona was completely different. This is the draft where Eragon was named Kevin. [32]
I haven't thought about that version in ages. I think Arya was awake all the way from Gil'ead to Farthen Dûr in that version. That's right, I had to completely rewrite that. It's an unpleasant ride for her. No, no, no, she was awake and healed. She was awake. That's right, God, I had to rewrite most of the last chunk of the book now that I think back, it's been a long time. [32]
The worst thing is, I think Kevin would actually take a larger budget [to adapt to film]. No, stop. Why would Kevin take a larger budget? Because the battles were bigger, there was more stuff going on. Seriously, there were more creatures, more travel. Yeah, I think Kevin would actually take more money than Eragon. [32]
You said that Eragon's name was originally Kevin. Was Eragon's name originally Kevin? It was. And I really regret I didn't stick with it because I think that as many books as I've sold, the series would have been at least twice as successful if it had been about the adventures of the great dragon writer Kevin. Especially just seeing Kevin on the front cover. Imagine the appeal to the modern youth. Kevin the dragon writer. I mean Eragon, it's confusing with Aragorn. Oregano. Oregon. But Kevin, Kevin stands out, Kevin's original. That's why I had to move away from it. [31]
So do you wanna share some of those drafts with us, Christopher? Just kidding. Well, I actually had a fan reach out to me. He's one of the big members of the online fan community on Reddit and elsewhere. And he's kind of interested in some of these early versions from almost an archivist point of view, a scholarly point of view. Which is certainly an interesting idea. I mean, there is an early version of Eragon that no one's seen, that even my editor at Random House never saw. ... I cannot describe how much the Internet absolutely needs for you to put out an edition of Eragon that just says Kevin. Should this be like Mistborn or Way of Kings Prime? This is the Kevin edition of Eragon. The Kevin cut. Oh my god. It's "Eragon: Kevin's Version". ... We absolutely need Kevin's Version of Eragon. That's something we need. It's bad. It's bad. Look, there are certainly people who can look at Eragon, the version we have now, and say, "we can tell this was a younger writer." I look at it and I can tell. I could do so much more now with the material than I could then. But if you think that about the published version of Eragon, man, if you saw the unpublished version, the early version, it really is the raw writing of a homeschooled 15-year-old, who wrote a 500 page book about Kevin. I don't know, the internet is very unhinged these days. They would love this. It needs to exist somewhere on the internet. [32]
Publishing
EditingSo I wrote Eragon, and then I read the first draft and it wasn't particularly good, so I spent a good chunk of a year rewriting it as best as I could. I didn't know what I was doing but I was trying. I've heard it said that being displeased with your own work is actually a good thing because it means you know what is good work, and if you're not happy with your work because it's not good, it means you could at least have a goal to shoot for. If you read your work and you're like this is the best thing that's ever been written, you're never going to get any better. [28]Self-publishing
But I could see that the book needed work, so I decided to try to fix it as best I could, and I spent the better part of that year revising, rewriting, changing Kevin to Eragon. And then I gave the book to my parents and fortunately for me, they actually enjoyed what I had done. And they said, we think you have something, let's try to take it out into the world and see if anyone else wants to read it. [35]
[We] decided to self-publish the book as a joint venture since we didn't know anyone in the publishing world. That was again a good chunk of a year where we were editing the book as best the three of us could. Preparing it for publication, formatting, I drew the cover. [28]Promotion
Now you have to understand, my parents were always self-employed, have always been self-employed and we were always looking for things we could work on together as a family business. And Eragon was like the perfect opportunity for that. They'd had some experience self-publishing a couple of small educational books my mom had worked on. Because she was a trained Montessori teacher, and so she was trying to use that expertise to write some material herself. But I don't even think we sold 100 copies of those. So we spent another good chunk of a year preparing the book for publication with doing more editing, doing the layout, designing the cover. [35]
The first set of 50 books showed up while we were watching Roman Polanski's Macbeth, which seemed fitting because those first 50 books were all miscut from the printer. And as a result, we had to rip the covers off, send them back for credit from the printer, and then burn the insides of the books. So we had a proper book burning in our yard, and I actually saved some of those burnt pages just as a memory of that event. [35]
Self publishing wasn’t as viable then as a pathway to a career as an author as it is today. Why did it work for you? Everything completely changed because of e-readers. If you wanted to read an e-book, you had to have a PDF on your computer. There were no distribution systems like Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Back then, the lowest amount you could print and not have the book be too expensive was probably about 10,000 copies. But we were fortunate because print-on-demand had just become a thing, so books were just printed as needed. Self publishing is a lot easier these days. Of course, today’s marketplace is a lot more crowded as a result. [16]
My family and I were going around the western half of the United States with the self-published edition of Eragon. I was cold calling schools, libraries, and bookstores to set up events. I was doing two to three one-hour long presentations every single day for months on end at various times. You have to understand that because my parents were self-employed, the time they took to help prepare Eragon for publication was time they weren't working on other freelance projects that would have been bringing in money. So by the time we actually had Eragon printed and in hand, if it had taken another two to three months to start turning a profit, we were going to have to sell our house, move to a city, and get any jobs we could. Because of that financial pressure I was willing to do things I probably would have been too uncomfortable to do otherwise. Like doing all those presentations. [28]Getting traditionally published
We were doing a lot of self-promotion. I was cold calling schools and libraries and talking them into letting me do presentations. And that worked pretty well because the librarians could take pre-orders for us. If we went into a bookstore, by hand selling, I could maybe sell anywhere between 13 to 40 books in a day. 42 was like the best I ever did, but usually it was around 15 or so books, which just didn't cover printing costs and travel and food and all of that. But going into the schools, we were doing about 300 books a day, which was excellent. [34]
Can you tell me a little bit about how you and your family self-published the first Eragon book and what marketing strategies you did? Oh, it was all nepotism, you know. I wouldn't have gotten published without my parents. There's nothing as powerful as a publishing company that's four people sitting around a kitchen table in the middle of rural Montana. So yeah, without Nepotism, I wouldn't have gotten published. You have to embrace something like Nepotism if you really wanna succeed in today's world. In fact, people don't realize that you actually get a Nepotism card. There's a secret club. You go to New York and there's huge network opportunities. There's branches of the club everywhere, especially strong in Hollywood, of course, in music. Taylor Swift is an example. So if you can get into the nepotism club, I won't say you're guaranteed success, but you got about 80% chance of actually making it that you wouldn't have otherwise. Do you think your mom and dad would be willing to be my mom and dad? No, absolutely not. No, no. You don't have brown hair, so it doesn't work. You have to have brown hair to be a Paolini. Okay, I'll try to find a different way in, I guess. [31]
So you were very much looking for that partnership? Well we were wary. But the thing is is we were selling enough copies of Eragon that to scale it up we were going to have to start duplicating all the things that a regular publisher does. We were actually looking at partnering with a book packager or a book distributor just to get more copies out. To do everything a traditional publisher could do for me was a huge amount of work so it made sense to pair with Random House or someone else at that point. But it was still nerve-wracking because the book was being a success and then handing it off to another company, we didn't know if it was just going to end up in the remainder bin two weeks after it came out. [28]Gaining Confidence
People in the book world were starting to take notice because of course, if you've been to public school, you may remember the Scholastic Book Fairs and all of the Scholastic reps in the different schools were seeing me come to the schools and selling these books and hearing the kids talk about it. And it was getting attention. So we would have gotten a publisher, I would have gotten a publisher eventually. [34]
The book sold enough copies and bounced around enough that we'd heard that Scholastic—because Scholastic does all the Book Fairs in schools in the US—was interested and that we might get an offer from them. Before that happened though... [34]
Eventually another author by the name of Carl Hiaasen ended up buying a copy of the self-published edition of Eragon in a local bookstore. Which now that I'm older, I'm rather shocked at because it takes a lot to get me to buy a self-published book. It's got to look really good. [35]
Carl Hiaasen wrote the young adult book Hoot as well as many adult books. He comes up to Montana, I think he's got a vacation home here in the valley, but he was up here fly fishing and he bought a copy of Eragon for his then 12 year old son, Ryan. And fortunately for me, Ryan liked the book and Carl recommended it to Random House and it sort of bounced around among the editors for a couple of months before my editor-to-be grabbed it and said, "Yes, we will. I want to take a chance on this teenage author and we're going to offer him money for a trilogy that only exists in his head and see what happens." [34]
How did you find an agent? We had the offer from Random House, and like two days later, we had the offer from Scholastic. And so we knew we didn't know what we didn't know. My dad participated in some online self-publishing forum sort of thing. So he posted up a question and said, look, this is the situation we're in. Does anyone have any advice? And another one of the members said, "well, I was just at this publishing writing conference and there was this young agent there and I was really impressed with his presentation, or him talking about the industry." So my dad got his information online and did what you're never supposed to do, which is he called the agent directly and left this long rambling voicemail message because it was lunchtime in New York and you take your lunch breaks in New York. And only at the end of the message did he say, "oh, yes, and by the way, we have two competing offers from two publishing houses." And when I asked him, I said, "why did you do that?" He said, "well, because if he's any good as an agent, he's going to listen to the whole message before he deletes it." And we found out later that he nearly deleted the message. Because my dad started off like, "I got this teenage son, and he's written this book", and yeah, that, OK. So it was like two hours later we got a call from Simon. And Simon said overnight me a copy of Eragon and if I like it I'll represent you. And Simon has been my agent for 21 years now. [34]
It was a big risk for Random House. And it was a big risk for me because the book was successful, self-published, and we knew that giving it to a publisher, you lose the rights to a degree, and most books don't turn a profit, and it could have just ended up in the remainder bin. So what really worked in my favor is that Random House, and specifically Random House Children's Books, and specifically the imprint of Knopf, which is where I'm at were looking for their own Harry Potter, essentially. Scholastic was publishing Harry Potter. And Scholastic also gave me an offer for Eragon, but I could tell that Random House was the one that really loved the book and Scholastic was doing it because they thought it was a good business opportunity. Scholastic actually offered more money than Random House. But I went with Random House and it was the right choice. And I found out after the fact that Chip Gibson who was the head of the children's department at the time basically chose to use Eragon as sort of something to rally the troops and put the entire children's division behind it, and I was the very fortunate recipient of that love and attention. Which of course would only get you so far if people didn't enjoy reading the book. But fortunately for me, they did a great job marketing it and then people actually enjoyed the book. Which is why when people ask me how to get published, it's like, what am I supposed to say? The answer ultimately is you write a book that people want to read, and that's a facile answer, but it is true. If people want to read it, it makes everything else easier. The agent wants you, the publishers want you, and ultimately the public wants you. [34]
And I didn't realize how much was behind that email, because large publishers do not just casually say, "hey, we want to publish your book". There was a whole plan there, and they had a plan. And so they did. Eragon came out and then I had to figure out how to write a book with everyone expecting the sequel. [36]
So you kind of went and peddled your books at schools, as I understand, right? It seems to have paid off though, because it eventually landed in the hands of bestselling author Carl Hiaasen, but not right away. First, your book got in the hands of his stepson, and the kid liked it so much that he told Hiaasen about it, who then got Eragon fast-tracked with Penguin Random House. I really admire the way that you went for the weakest links, manipulating the minds of our youth and using them to shill your book for you. It's a tried and true marketing strategy from Girl Scout Cookies to coupon books, and I applaud you for your ingenuity. My biggest question here is, do you pay Carl Hiaasen's stepson the agent royalties he so rightfully deserves? He tried to collect one time, but I had to hire a couple of guys to drive him off. But, no, you always go for the weakest link. Back when I was self-published and all that I even tried to get Eragon reviewed by Entertainment Weekly, so I called up the subscription number on the back of the magazine and told them I'd made a mistake and asked them to transfer me over to corporate, and managed to get right to their book reviewer and tried to talk him into reviewing Eragon. So you always go for, as you said, the weakest link. Which is corporate. Ryan, Carl's son, though, yeah, I probably owe him a ridiculous amount of royalties. I'd say so. He made you. Oh, he did, absolutely. Without him, I'd be nothing. I guess the lesson here for aspiring authors is that it's not really about finding your target audience, necessarily. You just have to find your target prolific author's stepson and let the kid take it from there. Yeah, absolutely. As I said, that's part of the nepotism package. The sort of networking inside the industry. This is the stuff that you can never access otherwise, and you'll never get published otherwise. So it's not like you can just grow up in the middle of nowhere in Montana, self-publish a book, and then just become a success, by promoting it. You have to have connections. That's genius. I think you could have had an incredible career in designing loot boxes for mobile games based on how good you are at manipulating the world. Absolutely, microtransactions are God's work. [31]
Was anxiety something you felt moving to this deal with Random House? Was that quite pressuring? Yes, it was a big change to go from writing for yourself as a teenager, homeschooled, living in the middle of nowhere, to knowing that there was a large audience for your next book and that they had expectations. I got criticized quite a bit, critiqued quite a bit when Eragon came out for, shall we say, my lack of experience on the technical side of things with the writing. I'd say some of those were certainly fair critiques. The great advantage of youth is that you don't know how difficult things are and you have a lot of energy. The great disadvantage of youth is you don't have experience, and there's no fixing that aside from time and effort. All of that was definitely in my head when I really started work on Eldest and it was pretty nerve-wracking quite honestly. [28]
When you finished the book, I mean your parents believed in it obviously. Did you too? Or were you like, "You know what, maybe the second book, maybe go all in on the second one?" I didn't feel like I was actually an author until my third book was published. Because the first one, well, that could be a fluke. Well, the second one, yeah, but you know. But once the third book came out, then I was like, okay, maybe I'm actually a writer. But even then, even after I finished the series, I still felt like, okay, now I have to write something that's not Eragon, just to prove that I can. So every book has been its own challenge and has been a way for me to keep feeling like I'm growing as an artist and learning to become a better and better writer. [2]
It took me, I wanna say almost 10 years to feel like I wasn't an imposter and that it wasn't just gonna get yanked away. You know what my dream was when Eragon was was going to get published by Random House? Like this was my pie in the sky because I didn't think it was going to happen. But this was my dream. I did all the math and I was like, man, if I could somehow someday sell 100,000 books, which is impossible. But man, if I could sell 100,000 books, that's a darn good living. Man, I could really make a living off that. I could support a family and 100,000 books. Man, that'd be amazing. And then it kind of took off from there. [33]
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2024.05.19 13:18 pillowcase-of-eels [Music] Emilie Autumn's Asylum, pt. 6 – High-concept musician responds to online criticism by waging successful attrition war against her own fanbase
🪞
Welcome back to the Asylum write-up, where we explore the decade-long slow-motion car crash that is the Emilie Autumn fandom.
Sorry this installment took so long to upload! Just a heads-up, I may take some time to deliver the last one too – these posts take forever to format on Reddit's finicky-ass editor, and my dumb real life is currently keeping me from precious Internet time. Thank you for your patience! You have my word that everyone who pre-ordered the final installment will receive a PERSONAL, HANDWRITTEN letter autographed and illustrated by me, a list of the snacks I consumed while composing this write-up, some exclusive behind-the-scenes secrets, and a pony.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4.1 – Part 4.2 Part 5
This created a sort of primordial rift within the fanbase, between those who supported EA's right to speak her mind and regulate her own fan spaces however she pleased – and those who thought that her reactions were rude and inappropriate (at best), and that even fan spaces should allow for reasonable, non-abusive criticism of the artist.
Between a poorly-handled book release (see Part 3), the controversial (Part 2) or dubiously true (Part 4) contents of said book, and serious shade from various former collaborators (Part 5), more and more fans had pressing thoughts about EA's work ethic and choices. EA attempted damage control through drastic forum rules that made it virtually impossible to voice any “serious” critical opinion. It didn't work, of course: instead of squashing the mutiny, she created a schism.
Critical fans and active haters started congregating on unofficial platforms.
Either way, through these blogs, a number of potential drama bombs that had mostly flown under the radar were dredged up from over the years – some of which were hard to ignore, even for supportive fans. Where to begin?
There was that nonsense in-joke song, captured twice on camera during the 2009 tour (to very little outrage, at the time), crassly called “Manatee Retard”📺. Or EA's scathing response, in print, to a wheelchair user who found it insensitive that she used a bedazzled wheelchair as a prop to do sexy acrobatics on stage. (“Your offence taken at my hard-won self-acceptance proves that I indeed have something to fight against”, she wrote). Spoken word tracks where she made trivializing knock-knock jokes about serious mental illnesses she didn't have, like schizophrenia and OCD. Multiple instances of calling Britney Spears a “bimbo” and a “Hollywood fucked-up”, resentfully claiming that she only shaved her head because she was “hopped up on drugs” and certainly not because she was “bipolar”, a word the press liked to wield as an insult anyway. (“That's almost like calling someone a retard!” Yeah, heaven forbid.) The meanest, most distasteful paragraphs in the book. Basically everything problematic EA had ever said or written.📝 In retrospect, it had been a long time coming, but it was a lot to take in – and certainly more off-putting, even to less emotionally invested fans, than silly lies about her age and last name.
In another wing of Asylum Tumblr, some fans had had it up to here and just wanted to have fun. 🎵 If Plague Rats had learned one valuable lesson from EA, it was how to crack a joke in the face of absurd tragedy – and the general state of the EA fandom certainly warranted a few.
In 2012, Fight Like a Girl was released. After six long years, three of which had been peaceful, the Opheliac era was officially over. The new album and ensuing tour confirmed that the Asylum had entered a process of glamorous Broadway-style militarization. 🎵📺
The mood board was “Roman general meets Vegas showgirl meets Victorian street urchin”.🪞 The color palette was, to naysayers, “musty pink and rotten, stale piss yellow”. 🐀 The keyword was “REVENGE” (through the power of... self-expression! sorority! brutal assault with rusty medical implements!). The chorus of the title song had an intriguing run-on line about getting “revenge on the world, or at least 49% of the people in it” 🎵 – which seemed like an awful lot, and was widely interpreted (to cheers, boos, or uncomfortable sighs) as a misandrist jab at literally all men on Earth.
The show was essentially a demo version of the musical, in that the setlist vaguely reflected the order of events in the story – but prior reading was essential in order to get what the hell was going on on stage. This one Broadway reviewer had not perused the literature before seeing the show 🔍, and hated: the set, the choreography, the skits, the plot, the lyrics, the music, the concept. (Seriously, you should read the review. It's not even my show and I feel like quitting show business.)
Pre-show VIP encounters, now violin-free, were lorded over by EA's new manager🐀, whose official title was “Asylum Headmistress”. (Interesting choice – she sounds fun!) The swag bags were less substantial than before, and the “greet” part of the meet-and-greet was rarely more than a quick hug and photo op.
On Twitter, EA continued to embrace her “I am very badass” fronting attitude...
Spurred on by EA's rallying cries and “us vs them” mentality, loyalists turned the white-knighting up to 11. On Twitter, some Plague Rats got into cat fights with Lady Gaga's Little Monsters (what a time to be alive). Others tried to balance out the Tumblr negativity with initiatives like “Spreading a Plague of Love” – a “positive-only” confession blog, whose extreme fangirling, comically drastic rules and hyper-defensive tone📝 did not debunk the increasingly popular notion that “true Plague Rats” were a bunch of authoritarian and hopelessly brainwashed fanatics.
EA truthers and other anti-fans started lashing out at anyone who dared express any positive opinion of EA, solidifying claims that the backlash against EA was just a conspiracy of bitter, hysterical bullies.
All this to say: every passing day brought new reasons for fans to get mad at EA and each other, and everyone in the Asylum was in need of a laugh. It's not easy having a good time.🦠
Leading up to Fight Like a Girl and in the years that followed, user-submission-based meme blogs took off, most notably “Spreading a Plague of Lulz / Troll Like a Girl”. A lot of the early submissions were absurdist humor and toothless, cheezburger-Impact memes (a style that was, oddly, already dated at the time). Those often originated in good fun, and from loyal fans, on the official forum. But there was also true snark, satirizing EA's questionable ethics, outrageous claims, and easily spoofed artistic gimmicks. A new slang of Asylumspeak emerged: Glittertits (slight NSFW), GAGA!!, EA Gusta and all its memeface variants, Get outta mah house!, Are You Suffering?, Fight Like A Goat, [Random celebrity] copied EA (a subgenre in its own right), ...
Most of the “trolling” was directed at unrepentant bootlickers and, to a lesser extent, red-in-the-face haters and creeps. Meme blogs would post joke comments under “serious” or gushing submissions on Wayward Victorian Confessions, and taunt loyalist accounts by tagging them in their posts. When a few people complained on WVC that almost all of the Bloody Crumpets to date had been thin white able-bodied women, and a few fans responded by sharing their dream-casts for a more diverse line-up, the blog was flooded for days with confessions that “X should be a Crumpet” (candidates included RuPaul, Mitt Romney, Nicki Minaj, EA's therapist, and the WVC admins). Farcical shenanigans like that.
Ah, but some people will always cross the line, won't they. EA threads popped up on merciless, bully-friendly snark platforms like Lolcow, Pretty Ugly Little Liar, and Encyclopedia Dramatica. Snarkers with a mean streak and obsessive haters mingled in some of the more aggressive, 4-chan-spirited retaliation against EA – which would be called “brigading” in modern parlance. This included flooding EA's Goodreads page with one-star reviews (see part 4), repeatedly editing her Wikipedia page to include her legal name and birth year, and ensuring that Googling said name would bring up current pictures of her.
All of this compounded agitation fragmented the once-united fandom beyond recognition.🦠 Through substantial disagreements among fans, personal bickerings, layers upon layers of inscrutable in-jokes, and cross-platform telephone games, the Asylum morphed into a booby-trapped Escher room.
Satire blogs were taken in earnest. Earnest fan blogs scanned as satire. Memes would get called out as abuse. Appreciation without attached criticism would get mocked as bootlicking. Obvious jokes made by EA would be taken at face value. One divisive confession could trigger days and days of debate, to the point that WVC eventually banned confessions in response to other confessions. New waves of infighting created a confusing web of rival sub-factions🐀, each accusing the others of being toxic, cliquish, and delusional.
The shared fantasy was broken, the collective vision had crumbled, no onez was speaking the same language anymore. Fans would jump down the throat of other fans who held almost identical views about EA, except for that one thing she said or did that one time. Everyone had differing thoughts on what should or shouldn't acceptable to discuss, question, excuse, make fun of.
War is hell.
That's not entirely fair: unlike EA, the czar only did it that once.
By early 2013, as EA was gearing up for her third Fight Like a Girl tour at the end of the year, the official forum was... not as lively as it once had been. Not just because of the stifling rules and disgruntlement towards EA, or because EA herself hadn't really posted anything on there in years; the Internet was also changing, and forums in general were fast becoming passé.
This made it difficult for EA to create a safe space where she could talk to fans, and fans could talk to and about her, in a way she deemed suitable (ie, a space she could gate-keep and regulate enough to keep it completely free from negative criticism). Social media was a minefield; she still posted regularly, but didn't interact very much. So EA and the Headmistress came up with a way to filter out the unbelievers: an official fan club📝, aptly called the “Asylum Army”, with a $100 entry price.
Joining the AA came with a dog tag, a sew-on patch, and a lifetime membership certificate signed by EA and – for some reason – the Headmistress. (Unlike EA's best friend and sound engineer back in the forum's heyday, I don't think fans ever really embraced the FLAG-era manager as part of the Asylum in-group. She came across more as a coordinator / businessperson / adult chaperone, at best.🐀) So, slightly better goodies than you'd get by joining the other AA 🔍 ... but not by much. The main appeal was that members would have access to exclusive content, special merch, giveaways, early bird tickets for future shows, and regular video chats with EA.
The concept itself drew a fair amount of criticism, as you can imagine. Between the name🐀, the price, and the inherent gatekeeping of a pay-to-join fanclub, many balked at the monetizing of a concept that had once (like, three years back) been significantly more DIY, grassroots, and inclusive. 📝🐀
Then again, many also longed for a positive, drama-free space where fans could just be fans. And while the creation of the AA was generally recognized as a quick cashgrab, a lot of people were surprisingly cool with it. EA was trying to finance her dream musical, after all – although a number of fans wished she had gone about raising funds in a less sketchy way.
So around 400 fans shelled out (which, according to the Headmistress📝, “basically cover[ed] the cost of running the fanclub itself – keeping the database up, website, etc.”). Enough for a close-knit, but sizable community. But already, there was a conflict of interest: a high fanclub entry fee essentially demands that you pledge loyalty to the artist over loyalty to your fellow fans, who wish to join but can't afford to. Sharing, caring, and ensuring no one felt left out were some of the more positive values cultivated in the fandom... but leaking exclusive content would surely piss off other paying members🐀, and make EA feel betrayed all over again. (And she had barely just started to mellow out on social media!)
...But then again, this is the internet. After the first month of secret AA drops (lyric sheets, some photoshoot outtakes – nothing too juicy, really), there were, yes, some leaks. EA was predictably miffed, and retaliated by... ghosting the fanclub for weeks at a time in its first few months of existence (great look!). She eventually found the “solution” to her problem, by providing something you couldn't right-click-save (and which had been part of the promised perks to begin with): live interaction.
Over webcam, she was her usual in-person bubbly, charming, funny self. Everyone seemingly had a good time during the fanclub video chat, and this gave people faith and hope.
There were a few more events, giveaways, etc. As promised, ahead of the fall 2013 tour (the last one to date, it would turn out), AA members got priority access to show tickets and VIP bundles. The latter were much pricier than before, and only included soundcheck, a photo-op, and three goodies: a tin of loose-leaf tea, a signed printer-paper setlist, and a small flag that said “F.L.A.G.”.🔍 Some stuff continued to leak – but, as some of the outlaws pointed out (scroll down to the Disqus comments), they were mostly relaying information that was relevant to the entire fanbase, such as updates about ongoing projects (the dragged-out recording of the audiobook, for one).
In early 2014, lifetime memberships were closed, and replaced with monthly, quarterly and yearly subscription tiers. Bizarrely, you ended up paying $3 more per month if you bought a $99 yearly subscription📝 – but it did include the patch, dog tag, and piece of paper!
For the still-too-poor or still-undecided, there was always the forum! It wasn't as active as it used to be, but a few die-hards still managed to keep the lights on... until, inevitably, Someone Did Something and Ruined Everything. (Once again: EA's wrath is spectacular, but rarely completely unprovoked.) The incident features one notable figure in the Asylum community. Let's call him the Collector.
OK, so maybe you remember the meme I linked to in Part 4, with Christian Grey and the ginormous EA hoard. Well, that's the Collector's collection. The “Violin” promo that I called the "Holy Grail of the fandom" in the same paragraph? Also his. The handwritten lyrics that went for $940? Guess who won that auction. Over the years, the Collector had probably spent five figures on EA merch and shows, and although that fact was a little unsettling, he was a very active, easy-going, and generally well-liked fixture of the fandom.
One day in 2012, shortly after the Headmistress had replaced EA's old Chicago BFF as main forum admin, the Collector's account got banned or restricted over something dumb. When the ban wasn't lifted as quickly as he hoped, he took it... the way one takes things when one is unhealthily invested: he started spamming Headmistress and the mod team with increasingly rambling and abusive emails (lost to time, probably for the best). When that didn't work quickly enough, he tried a different route.
One of the many auctions that the Collector had won, some years prior, was EA's old iPod Touch📝 – which contained all of her favorite tunes and, buried somewhere in the data cache... a phone number. Which the Collector tried calling. And wouldn't you know it: EA picked up. She congratulated him on his sleuthing skills, listened patiently as he made his case, apologized for any distress caused by the unfair account restriction, and then they got married.
Kidding! She freaked the fuck out, hung up, and banned him for life from the forum and all EA shows and events.
After his ban, the Collector allegedly still tried to attend at least one VIP pre-show (one source in the comments says he was allowed to buy some merch, refunded for his ticket, and escorted out). He joined the Reform forum to bitch about EA and try to rally people to his cause, possibly made revenge posts about her on darker snark forums, and continued to hound the Asylum mod team. So in June 2014, EA came up with a radical and unexpected fix to the Collector problem.
The obliteration of the forum took everyone by surprise...
...Well, no point in living in the past. For those who could afford it, and still wanted to talk to/about EA after that (not everyone did 🐀), there was always the Asylum Army fanclub!
Over the summer of 2014, EA held regular live chats and Q&A's, and... many attendees really enjoyed them, and thought the AA was well worth the money after all. She also quietly parted ways with the much poo-pooed Headmistress around that time.
Turns out the fanclub had been the Headmistress' idea all along. EA had been reluctant from the start, and although she really enjoyed the live chats with a safe community of people “who are there for the right reasons”, she couldn't overcome her fundamental discomfort with the concept. Lifetime and regular members would receive a bunch of digital downloads and a -35% coupon on the Asylum Emporium for their troubles. EA said she would definitely pop back once in a while for live chats, for free, just for fun, but to my knowledge, she never did.
And so the most devoted fans were left standing in the rain...
But there were no chats or live shows anymore. There was only social media, where she ignored questions and vague-posted about overdue projects – and the newsletter📝, which was all saccharine love-bombing to promote bland dropshipped trinkets. For fans who remembered the handcrafted merch (and two-way communication) of the early years, it was a bitter pill to swallow.
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Welcome back to the Asylum write-up, where we explore the decade-long slow-motion car crash that is the Emilie Autumn fandom.
Sorry this installment took so long to upload! Just a heads-up, I may take some time to deliver the last one too – these posts take forever to format on Reddit's finicky-ass editor, and my dumb real life is currently keeping me from precious Internet time. Thank you for your patience! You have my word that everyone who pre-ordered the final installment will receive a PERSONAL, HANDWRITTEN letter autographed and illustrated by me, a list of the snacks I consumed while composing this write-up, some exclusive behind-the-scenes secrets, and a pony.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4.1 – Part 4.2 Part 5
Places, everyone This is a test Throw your stones Do your damage Your worst, and your best (...) And if I had a dollar For every time I repented the sin And commit the same crime I'd be sitting on top of the world today (“God Help Me”, 2006🎵)Quick recap of where we left off. First, there were five to ten halcyon years of pleasant and meaningful interactions between EA and her blossoming fanbase, prominently by way of her official forum. Then, circa 2009-2010, EA's online presence shifted towards sudden anger outbursts, ban-hammering, and an increasingly top-down communication style.
This created a sort of primordial rift within the fanbase, between those who supported EA's right to speak her mind and regulate her own fan spaces however she pleased – and those who thought that her reactions were rude and inappropriate (at best), and that even fan spaces should allow for reasonable, non-abusive criticism of the artist.
Between a poorly-handled book release (see Part 3), the controversial (Part 2) or dubiously true (Part 4) contents of said book, and serious shade from various former collaborators (Part 5), more and more fans had pressing thoughts about EA's work ethic and choices. EA attempted damage control through drastic forum rules that made it virtually impossible to voice any “serious” critical opinion. It didn't work, of course: instead of squashing the mutiny, she created a schism.
Critical fans and active haters started congregating on unofficial platforms.
“WITH MUFFINS LIKE THIS, WHO NEEDS ENEMIES?”: TROLL LIKE A GIRL
So here we were, the early 2010s. The official forum (which had about 700 members in 2006, if you recall) was now thousands-strong, reaching just over 12,000 registered users in 2012 – not all of them active, but still. In terms of sheer numbers and content creation, the party was POPPIN'... but increasingly in parts of the Asylum that escaped EA's jurisdiction, such as Tumblr, where they could speak their mind freely.You play the victim very well You've built your self-indulgent hell You wanted someone to understand you Well, be careful what you wish for, because I do (“I Know Where You Sleep”, 2006🎵)In one wing of Asylum Tumblr, a smattering of call-out blogs emerged, which laid out EA's various lies, faux pas, shitty takes, and general deep-seated terribleness in detailed timelines and screenshots (or, short of that, long-winded bullet points). While many such blogs framed it as “serious” whistleblowing and did their best to remain as fact-based and neutral as they could, there was some genuine disgust, animosity and creepiness towards EA on that side of Tumblr; for some ex-fans, “exposing the truth” was mostly justify obsessive hatred, prying and verbal abuse. Some, for instance, felt the bizarre need to side with EA's mother in their estrangement. (One user, with the URL “emilyautumnfischkopf”, argued in a serious and down-to-earth tone - but with zero sources - that EA's upbringing had been nothing but peaceful and supportive until she ungratefully kicked her loving family to the curb for no reason at all. They were later revealed 🔍 to have an alternate handle as “eaisalyingcunt”.)
Either way, through these blogs, a number of potential drama bombs that had mostly flown under the radar were dredged up from over the years – some of which were hard to ignore, even for supportive fans. Where to begin?
There was that nonsense in-joke song, captured twice on camera during the 2009 tour (to very little outrage, at the time), crassly called “Manatee Retard”📺. Or EA's scathing response, in print, to a wheelchair user who found it insensitive that she used a bedazzled wheelchair as a prop to do sexy acrobatics on stage. (“Your offence taken at my hard-won self-acceptance proves that I indeed have something to fight against”, she wrote). Spoken word tracks where she made trivializing knock-knock jokes about serious mental illnesses she didn't have, like schizophrenia and OCD. Multiple instances of calling Britney Spears a “bimbo” and a “Hollywood fucked-up”, resentfully claiming that she only shaved her head because she was “hopped up on drugs” and certainly not because she was “bipolar”, a word the press liked to wield as an insult anyway. (“That's almost like calling someone a retard!” Yeah, heaven forbid.) The meanest, most distasteful paragraphs in the book. Basically everything problematic EA had ever said or written.📝 In retrospect, it had been a long time coming, but it was a lot to take in – and certainly more off-putting, even to less emotionally invested fans, than silly lies about her age and last name.
In another wing of Asylum Tumblr, some fans had had it up to here and just wanted to have fun. 🎵 If Plague Rats had learned one valuable lesson from EA, it was how to crack a joke in the face of absurd tragedy – and the general state of the EA fandom certainly warranted a few.
In 2012, Fight Like a Girl was released. After six long years, three of which had been peaceful, the Opheliac era was officially over. The new album and ensuing tour confirmed that the Asylum had entered a process of glamorous Broadway-style militarization. 🎵📺
The mood board was “Roman general meets Vegas showgirl meets Victorian street urchin”.🪞 The color palette was, to naysayers, “musty pink and rotten, stale piss yellow”. 🐀 The keyword was “REVENGE” (through the power of... self-expression! sorority! brutal assault with rusty medical implements!). The chorus of the title song had an intriguing run-on line about getting “revenge on the world, or at least 49% of the people in it” 🎵 – which seemed like an awful lot, and was widely interpreted (to cheers, boos, or uncomfortable sighs) as a misandrist jab at literally all men on Earth.
The show was essentially a demo version of the musical, in that the setlist vaguely reflected the order of events in the story – but prior reading was essential in order to get what the hell was going on on stage. This one Broadway reviewer had not perused the literature before seeing the show 🔍, and hated: the set, the choreography, the skits, the plot, the lyrics, the music, the concept. (Seriously, you should read the review. It's not even my show and I feel like quitting show business.)
Pre-show VIP encounters, now violin-free, were lorded over by EA's new manager🐀, whose official title was “Asylum Headmistress”. (Interesting choice – she sounds fun!) The swag bags were less substantial than before, and the “greet” part of the meet-and-greet was rarely more than a quick hug and photo op.
On Twitter, EA continued to embrace her “I am very badass” fronting attitude...
Often wonder if cyberbullies r aware they’re fucking w/ a girl who’s BFs w/ maker of the SAW films & is marrying a knife-throwing scorpion. (🐀📝)...and her taste for needlessly inflammatory statements. About an aisle sign in a supermarket:
If this does not infuriate you, then you're a fucking potato.(Again with the confounding crypto-ableism, EA! 🔍) She also went through a phase of raging against Lady Gaga 📝, who had stolen her idea of using a wheelchair on stage as an able-bodied woman. 🔍 That failed to convince anyone that she wasn't the histrionic diva that haters made her out to be.
Spurred on by EA's rallying cries and “us vs them” mentality, loyalists turned the white-knighting up to 11. On Twitter, some Plague Rats got into cat fights with Lady Gaga's Little Monsters (what a time to be alive). Others tried to balance out the Tumblr negativity with initiatives like “Spreading a Plague of Love” – a “positive-only” confession blog, whose extreme fangirling, comically drastic rules and hyper-defensive tone📝 did not debunk the increasingly popular notion that “true Plague Rats” were a bunch of authoritarian and hopelessly brainwashed fanatics.
EA truthers and other anti-fans started lashing out at anyone who dared express any positive opinion of EA, solidifying claims that the backlash against EA was just a conspiracy of bitter, hysterical bullies.
All this to say: every passing day brought new reasons for fans to get mad at EA and each other, and everyone in the Asylum was in need of a laugh. It's not easy having a good time.🦠
Leading up to Fight Like a Girl and in the years that followed, user-submission-based meme blogs took off, most notably “Spreading a Plague of Lulz / Troll Like a Girl”. A lot of the early submissions were absurdist humor and toothless, cheezburger-Impact memes (a style that was, oddly, already dated at the time). Those often originated in good fun, and from loyal fans, on the official forum. But there was also true snark, satirizing EA's questionable ethics, outrageous claims, and easily spoofed artistic gimmicks. A new slang of Asylumspeak emerged: Glittertits (slight NSFW), GAGA!!, EA Gusta and all its memeface variants, Get outta mah house!, Are You Suffering?, Fight Like A Goat, [Random celebrity] copied EA (a subgenre in its own right), ...
Most of the “trolling” was directed at unrepentant bootlickers and, to a lesser extent, red-in-the-face haters and creeps. Meme blogs would post joke comments under “serious” or gushing submissions on Wayward Victorian Confessions, and taunt loyalist accounts by tagging them in their posts. When a few people complained on WVC that almost all of the Bloody Crumpets to date had been thin white able-bodied women, and a few fans responded by sharing their dream-casts for a more diverse line-up, the blog was flooded for days with confessions that “X should be a Crumpet” (candidates included RuPaul, Mitt Romney, Nicki Minaj, EA's therapist, and the WVC admins). Farcical shenanigans like that.
Ah, but some people will always cross the line, won't they. EA threads popped up on merciless, bully-friendly snark platforms like Lolcow, Pretty Ugly Little Liar, and Encyclopedia Dramatica. Snarkers with a mean streak and obsessive haters mingled in some of the more aggressive, 4-chan-spirited retaliation against EA – which would be called “brigading” in modern parlance. This included flooding EA's Goodreads page with one-star reviews (see part 4), repeatedly editing her Wikipedia page to include her legal name and birth year, and ensuring that Googling said name would bring up current pictures of her.
All of this compounded agitation fragmented the once-united fandom beyond recognition.🦠 Through substantial disagreements among fans, personal bickerings, layers upon layers of inscrutable in-jokes, and cross-platform telephone games, the Asylum morphed into a booby-trapped Escher room.
Satire blogs were taken in earnest. Earnest fan blogs scanned as satire. Memes would get called out as abuse. Appreciation without attached criticism would get mocked as bootlicking. Obvious jokes made by EA would be taken at face value. One divisive confession could trigger days and days of debate, to the point that WVC eventually banned confessions in response to other confessions. New waves of infighting created a confusing web of rival sub-factions🐀, each accusing the others of being toxic, cliquish, and delusional.
The shared fantasy was broken, the collective vision had crumbled, no onez was speaking the same language anymore. Fans would jump down the throat of other fans who held almost identical views about EA, except for that one thing she said or did that one time. Everyone had differing thoughts on what should or shouldn't acceptable to discuss, question, excuse, make fun of.
War is hell.
SCORCHED EARTH SHENANIGANS: HONEY, I SHRUNK THE ASYLUM
Would you tear my castle down Stone by stone And let the wind run through my windows Till there was nothing left But a battered rose? (“Castle Down”, 2003🎵)Haters vs sycophants is not really the kind of conflict where one side can come out on top (if you're participating, you've already lost). But in the long tug-of-war between “grassroots” and “EA-sponsored” fan spaces, the ultimate winner is obvious – in that the former is gasping in agony, a shriveled husk of its former glory, while the latter... is non-existent. This is due in no small part to EA's tendency, like the Czars of old, to settle conflicts by setting Moscow on fire.🔍)
That's not entirely fair: unlike EA, the czar only did it that once.
By early 2013, as EA was gearing up for her third Fight Like a Girl tour at the end of the year, the official forum was... not as lively as it once had been. Not just because of the stifling rules and disgruntlement towards EA, or because EA herself hadn't really posted anything on there in years; the Internet was also changing, and forums in general were fast becoming passé.
This made it difficult for EA to create a safe space where she could talk to fans, and fans could talk to and about her, in a way she deemed suitable (ie, a space she could gate-keep and regulate enough to keep it completely free from negative criticism). Social media was a minefield; she still posted regularly, but didn't interact very much. So EA and the Headmistress came up with a way to filter out the unbelievers: an official fan club📝, aptly called the “Asylum Army”, with a $100 entry price.
Joining the AA came with a dog tag, a sew-on patch, and a lifetime membership certificate signed by EA and – for some reason – the Headmistress. (Unlike EA's best friend and sound engineer back in the forum's heyday, I don't think fans ever really embraced the FLAG-era manager as part of the Asylum in-group. She came across more as a coordinator / businessperson / adult chaperone, at best.🐀) So, slightly better goodies than you'd get by joining the other AA 🔍 ... but not by much. The main appeal was that members would have access to exclusive content, special merch, giveaways, early bird tickets for future shows, and regular video chats with EA.
The concept itself drew a fair amount of criticism, as you can imagine. Between the name🐀, the price, and the inherent gatekeeping of a pay-to-join fanclub, many balked at the monetizing of a concept that had once (like, three years back) been significantly more DIY, grassroots, and inclusive. 📝🐀
Then again, many also longed for a positive, drama-free space where fans could just be fans. And while the creation of the AA was generally recognized as a quick cashgrab, a lot of people were surprisingly cool with it. EA was trying to finance her dream musical, after all – although a number of fans wished she had gone about raising funds in a less sketchy way.
So around 400 fans shelled out (which, according to the Headmistress📝, “basically cover[ed] the cost of running the fanclub itself – keeping the database up, website, etc.”). Enough for a close-knit, but sizable community. But already, there was a conflict of interest: a high fanclub entry fee essentially demands that you pledge loyalty to the artist over loyalty to your fellow fans, who wish to join but can't afford to. Sharing, caring, and ensuring no one felt left out were some of the more positive values cultivated in the fandom... but leaking exclusive content would surely piss off other paying members🐀, and make EA feel betrayed all over again. (And she had barely just started to mellow out on social media!)
...But then again, this is the internet. After the first month of secret AA drops (lyric sheets, some photoshoot outtakes – nothing too juicy, really), there were, yes, some leaks. EA was predictably miffed, and retaliated by... ghosting the fanclub for weeks at a time in its first few months of existence (great look!). She eventually found the “solution” to her problem, by providing something you couldn't right-click-save (and which had been part of the promised perks to begin with): live interaction.
Over webcam, she was her usual in-person bubbly, charming, funny self. Everyone seemingly had a good time during the fanclub video chat, and this gave people faith and hope.
There were a few more events, giveaways, etc. As promised, ahead of the fall 2013 tour (the last one to date, it would turn out), AA members got priority access to show tickets and VIP bundles. The latter were much pricier than before, and only included soundcheck, a photo-op, and three goodies: a tin of loose-leaf tea, a signed printer-paper setlist, and a small flag that said “F.L.A.G.”.🔍 Some stuff continued to leak – but, as some of the outlaws pointed out (scroll down to the Disqus comments), they were mostly relaying information that was relevant to the entire fanbase, such as updates about ongoing projects (the dragged-out recording of the audiobook, for one).
In early 2014, lifetime memberships were closed, and replaced with monthly, quarterly and yearly subscription tiers. Bizarrely, you ended up paying $3 more per month if you bought a $99 yearly subscription📝 – but it did include the patch, dog tag, and piece of paper!
Sometimes I kind of want to be part of the cool kids and register to the Asylum Army. Then I remember how it came about, what you could get for the same price a couple years ago, how the whole thing was and is handled, and that I won’t support any of this bullshit. (And then I roll around naked in all the money I’m saving.) (🐀)Still, a number of fans rejoiced at the affordable monthly option, and joined – if not for the exclusive content and merch (which were... okay, but not much to write home about), then for the friendly, drama-free exchanges with an artist they actually did love, in spite of all the frustration.
For the still-too-poor or still-undecided, there was always the forum! It wasn't as active as it used to be, but a few die-hards still managed to keep the lights on... until, inevitably, Someone Did Something and Ruined Everything. (Once again: EA's wrath is spectacular, but rarely completely unprovoked.) The incident features one notable figure in the Asylum community. Let's call him the Collector.
OK, so maybe you remember the meme I linked to in Part 4, with Christian Grey and the ginormous EA hoard. Well, that's the Collector's collection. The “Violin” promo that I called the "Holy Grail of the fandom" in the same paragraph? Also his. The handwritten lyrics that went for $940? Guess who won that auction. Over the years, the Collector had probably spent five figures on EA merch and shows, and although that fact was a little unsettling, he was a very active, easy-going, and generally well-liked fixture of the fandom.
One day in 2012, shortly after the Headmistress had replaced EA's old Chicago BFF as main forum admin, the Collector's account got banned or restricted over something dumb. When the ban wasn't lifted as quickly as he hoped, he took it... the way one takes things when one is unhealthily invested: he started spamming Headmistress and the mod team with increasingly rambling and abusive emails (lost to time, probably for the best). When that didn't work quickly enough, he tried a different route.
One of the many auctions that the Collector had won, some years prior, was EA's old iPod Touch📝 – which contained all of her favorite tunes and, buried somewhere in the data cache... a phone number. Which the Collector tried calling. And wouldn't you know it: EA picked up. She congratulated him on his sleuthing skills, listened patiently as he made his case, apologized for any distress caused by the unfair account restriction, and then they got married.
Kidding! She freaked the fuck out, hung up, and banned him for life from the forum and all EA shows and events.
After his ban, the Collector allegedly still tried to attend at least one VIP pre-show (one source in the comments says he was allowed to buy some merch, refunded for his ticket, and escorted out). He joined the Reform forum to bitch about EA and try to rally people to his cause, possibly made revenge posts about her on darker snark forums, and continued to hound the Asylum mod team. So in June 2014, EA came up with a radical and unexpected fix to the Collector problem.
The official Asylum Fan Forum has been shut down permanently. I have personally paid thousands of dollars each year to keep the forum safe and secure for you ... Unfortunately, the forum has not been kept safe and secure for me, a truth which disappoints me greatly, instead becoming a place where people who have physically threatened myself and my staff prey upon forum members, pressuring them to contact me and my staff on their behalf. If the gullible wish to humor my stalkers (who live in their parent’s basement at age 30 something) and thus put me in danger, they may do it on their own dime. They may also fuck off, because stupidity can kill, and I won’t be your victim. To those who enjoyed the forum, you know who to thank for its closure. (“On the closing of the Asylum Forum”)Voilà! This is how a decade-long archive of shared history ends: not with a bang, but with a dirty delete and a sod-off communiqué.
The obliteration of the forum took everyone by surprise...
I was actually on the forum when it was taken down. I was navigating between posts and when I went to click on a different board, an error message came up. I honestly cried a little, I'm not ashamed to say. (WVC admin on Reddit, 2024)...and I do mean everyone:
Chicago BFF / ex-admin, the next morning: Whoa, EA forum shut down? Ex-mod: It turns out that if someone spends enough years actively “waging war” to destroy what they can’t have, eventually they’ll be successful. * eye roll * Not even mods got prior warning. Just all the sudden, poof, gone. BFF: Really? She did not let the moderators know?! This is sounding worse and worse. Uggh. I’m so sorry. Such a loss. (...) Ok, threats are serious, but why not just put it in archive mode so no one can post? (...) Sad. I shall light a candle in the forum's honor. (Facebook posts; scroll down for screenshots)It was a gut punch, especially for people who had poured countless hours into the community, or could have used some prior warning to save years of their own writing from the role-playing threads. One last chance to take a look around the place that had meant so much to so many.
From the wording of the announcement of closing the forum and a number of other things, it sometimes seems like EA doesn't like her fans much. :/ (🐀)Three months after the forum was nuked, Battered Rose (a venerable EA fansite, which had been around since the Enchant era and had one of the most complete EA galleries online) announced that it was shutting down too.📝 The admin, who had also been a long-time forum mod, cited a lack of “time, energy, passion, or money” to keep the website going... and being upset at the sudden disappearance of the forum. It was, truly, the end of an era for the Asylum.
...Well, no point in living in the past. For those who could afford it, and still wanted to talk to/about EA after that (not everyone did 🐀), there was always the Asylum Army fanclub!
Over the summer of 2014, EA held regular live chats and Q&A's, and... many attendees really enjoyed them, and thought the AA was well worth the money after all. She also quietly parted ways with the much poo-pooed Headmistress around that time.
Just spent over 4 hours giggling, drinking tea and playing guessing games in chat with EA and other Asylum Army members ... No griping, no downers, just lots of fun. I think I like the way the ‘new fandom’ is going and now I’m really glad I finally decided to join the Army. (September 4, 2014🐀; Battered Rose had closed the day before)The forum was lost forever, but perhaps that was a chance for a fresh start. Could this fanclub thing really be the Asylum Renaissance that fans had been longing for?
...I have come today to a very difficult but necessary decision, and that is to discontinue the Emilie Autumn Official Fanclub. The site itself, and the community chatroom, will remain open to you indefinitely, but I will no longer be making updates to the site. (Newsletter, September 8, 2014📝)...Never mind, then.
Turns out the fanclub had been the Headmistress' idea all along. EA had been reluctant from the start, and although she really enjoyed the live chats with a safe community of people “who are there for the right reasons”, she couldn't overcome her fundamental discomfort with the concept. Lifetime and regular members would receive a bunch of digital downloads and a -35% coupon on the Asylum Emporium for their troubles. EA said she would definitely pop back once in a while for live chats, for free, just for fun, but to my knowledge, she never did.
And so the most devoted fans were left standing in the rain...
She is happy, she made it. She is fulfilling her dreams, found love and happiness after all the pain. I understand that she now doesn’t need “us” anymore ... That doesn’t change the fact she broke my heart with taking the Asylum Army and the forum from me. Yet, I am happy for her. (🐀)...while naysayers pointed and laughed, Nelson-style.🦠
I don’t feel sorry at all for the people that paid for the Asylum Army fan club. Most of them knew that EA is an atrocious business woman and has broken many promises before. In fact, I laugh at them. They seriously thought that EA would actually stay consistent with this? (🐀)
EVERYTHING MUST GO: THE ASYLUM WHOLESALE
EA fans were left without an “official” home for about three years. This gave them plenty of time to be annoyed at EA for: not releasing the audiobook on time, not materializing any new project for a while... and the new sin of peddling random, ridiculously marked-up AliBaba jewelry as “merch” on her official store. Think faux-antique cameo pendants and $30 Big Ben rings (...because the Asylum story is set in London, get it?).The whole accessories section looks like a tacky overpriced English souvenir shop. (🐀)The fanbase lost a lost of steam in those in-between years, because there wasn't much to stick around for. As evidenced by the positive reception of the AA live chats, even in the midst of unresolved drama, out-loud interactions in a friendly environment have always been EA's saving grace. Considering the amount of online hate, there are shockingly few accounts of bad IRL encounters with EA: most people say that in live conversation, she comes across as a fun, warm, and genuinely sweet person. Some report that their negative opinion shifted after meeting her.
But there were no chats or live shows anymore. There was only social media, where she ignored questions and vague-posted about overdue projects – and the newsletter📝, which was all saccharine love-bombing to promote bland dropshipped trinkets. For fans who remembered the handcrafted merch (and two-way communication) of the early years, it was a bitter pill to swallow.
CONTINUED IN COMMENTS
2024.05.19 10:05 ggwplucky [Abandoned Pools] Sony Connect Track by Track Interview
![[Abandoned Pools] Sony Connect Track by Track Interview](https://b.thumbs.redditmedia.com/Wh_F6hlvj3-qiM2-gJFE7A7mKUd6-BFPlteTdOzhJWY.jpg "[Abandoned Pools] Sony Connect Track by Track Interview") | A while back I was messing around with the Wayback Machine & came across this diamond in the rough on AP's MySpace page. Also found some photos, but most importantly, a track-by-track [Armed To The Teeth] interview from Sony Connect that they did back in '05 (presumably around the same time they did the Sony Connect set with the acoustic songs). submitted by ggwplucky to AbandonedPools [link] [comments] In the interview, Tommy tells the story behind each track on Armed To The Teeth (except Lucky). You'll also find tidbits about the process, lyrically & sonically of these songs, and much more! If you want to read it/see it from the "raw" source and discover more, here's a link with the Wayback's capture I found on the interview blog: https://web.archive.org/web/20071005015435/http://www.myspace.com/abandonedpools Now without further ado, the Sonic Connect Interview: A track by track discussion of Armed to the Teeth from the Sony Connect Store interview: LETHAL KILLERS TW: As far as how that [demo of the] song was constructed ... I did this trick where I would take a half-time drum loop and sort of nudge it one way and then put in another track and nudge it the other, and we got this sort of double time, rolling drum feel. So that - plus the sort of round-robin type of guitar parts that we have going - was sort of a very easy construction for a song. And then you start moving the bass part around, and, boom, you've got a song. But I think that lyrically - I want to make it clear that that song isn't necessarily [about] "church is bad, government's bad." I think it's a little bit more complicated than that, though sometimes if you mix the two of religious power and government power, that can be bad for both of them. And I kinda like the idea of not living a life saying, "Well, you better live life in a certain way because then, you know, everything's gonna be great later in heaven." You know, the idea of, like, if this is all we have now, if that idea was just a little bit more embraced, our world could be a little bit better. I just find that a little bit more satisfying, too, if you think like, this is all you have and then you're gonna die. [Laughs] It seems a little bit more like, "Oh, okay, well!" instead of, like, thinking that there's some other life at some other time and you can put things off. RABBLE TW: Well, a lot of the songs on this record - about two-thirds of it - have to do with a relationship I had that went south, and you know when you go through relationships you always have such a good 20/20 hindsight about things. And I think "Rabble" is just trying to basically say to somebody, "I just wanted to know you better" . . . It's just one of those things where, with this relationship in particular, I wish it would have turned out better. And there's a lot of things that happened that shouldn't have happened, and it's just sort of one of those "oh, what could have been?" scenarios. THE CATALYST TW: "The Catalyst" is definitely along the same lines. I think the main line in that one is "I wish I could say something beautiful to make you fall in love again." There's a Coachella reference in there, too: "Love has slowly faded away like spotlights shining into space." Have you ever been to Coachella? Of course you have. You know, there's all those spotlights that shoot up in the air. I just thought that was kinda cool, like, how far do those lights really go? "The Catalyst" was also the last song written for the record. It was demoed while we were in the studio. And it's one of those songs that I said two-thirds of the record was written for somebody. That's one of them. TIGHTER NOOSE TW: "Tighter Noose" is the oldest song on the record by far. It was probably written back in '99, 2000, or somewhere in there. I was thinking about it for the first record [2001's Humanistic], but it didn't really fit in with those kind of songs, so I kept it around and we'd even play it live occasionally. I think it fits in with these songs way better. [As for what "Tighter Noose" is about,] that song is one of those breaking-off-on-your-own- what-have-you-got-to-lose kind of things, because that was written sort of in the wake of when I was in The Eels. It wasn't a terribly happy situation, so I was like, well screw it, I'm just gonna go off and do my own thing. And then it's sort of like, well, you know: "I'm gonna go start my own thing. Uh, I have to learn to sing and write songs now." [Laughs] It's kinda funny: "Screw you guys! I'm gonna go get a deal!" And then like, "Uh oh." But really, I'm a firm believer in that [idea that] you just gotta go for it. And so it was like, well, this is gonna be difficult, but it's gonna be better than what I had before. And actually, with some distance on that situation, I realized I made the right decision and made a lot more money and was a lot more happy as a result. So that was sort of a leap of faith, you know. I didn't want to be someone's stupid bass player. Now I'm my own stupid bass player. WAITING TO PANIC TW: There was a lull between record companies. The first record [Humanistic] was on Extasy - I don't know if you know about that company, but we were basically the poster-child for the implosion of an indie label. I came off the road in 2002, the label's folding, and I'm like, well, I'm just gonna go back and give this my best shot and we'll get another deal. It seemed highly unlikely, but we ended up doing it. And there was just a lull in there where nobody was interested. I had attorneys not returning my phone calls - that kinda stuff. It felt like, I'm just waiting around and I'm really anxious. So that was a song of frustration that was written and demoed all in one day - it was a song that just came out of me in like eight hours. We also put an EP out [The Reverb EP] and on the EP is the version of that demo that I did in one day. It doesn't happen [like that] very often. Usually I build bed tracks and come back to it a few weeks later and add something, and then come back a couple of days later. This one was all in one shot. HUNTING TW: My friend Ross Golan, who has his own band Ross Golan and Molehead, had been following the wake of the relationship. He's like, "You just gotta write her a song and use her name." And I'm like, nah, nah, it's not covered enough. And he's like, "No, just do it. Go for it." So I did. I wrote this song and I wrote it for her for her birthday and I used her name, which is in the first lyric of the song, which is "Ginny." So I just went for it and wrote it. It was basically a birthday gift, and it was basically saying, like, you know, "Oops!" [Laughs] It didn't get me very far, but I like the song. We're friends, she's a good girl, absolutely, but back at that time, it was kinda like, "Erraaghhh! Here's a song!" But I like the song and I just think it was one of those times where I was really putting myself out there, and I know she liked it, too. But then, I think that's a myth where you just write a song and all of a sudden the girl just says, "Oh! Okay!" But, you know, hey. There it is. It's on the record. That's the romantic notion of how they'll react to the song, at least. TW: Exactly. And I'm really glad we're past that whole ironic phase, which I was part of with The Eels, where everything was super ironic and we'd play "The Macarena" on stage - [sarcastically] and that was funny! I'm glad we're through all that stuff, even though I was still a Beck fan when he was doing all that stuff, too. But I like being sincere and sappy and romantic. I kinda think that's a great thing. ARMED TO THE TEETH TW: This is one of the first songs written when we came off the road and I had a lot of momentum. If you look at the state of the industry you can see a lot of corporations that seem to have to buy everything in sight. They just have to own everything, and to what purpose? Does it really make the industry much better? No. There's fewer outlets, there's a lot more gatekeepers. They want to buy stuff and it just kinda makes things bad for everybody. All the radio stations play the same shit - except for Indie 103.1 and KCRW in L.A. In spite of it all, I'm just gonna try to do my best and have a career anyway. When we came off the road I felt like I had a lot of momentum. Performing live is inspiring to writing, so it was just the whole idea of, "Alright, now that I have one record under my belt, I'm gonna really go for it in spite of all the forces that be." Even though they're pretty much indifferent to us, [laughs] their actions do affect us. It's sort of a song of bravado. Why did you also choose "Armed To The Teeth" as the name of the album, too, which, in turn, implies it as the overall theme? TW: Yeah, which is funny, since I kinda decided on that theme early on, thinking I was gonna go in a certain way, but then, like I said, two-thirds of the record is love songs. So "Armed To The Teeth" doesn't really fit in a certain way, but I also liked it just because [of] that idea of, like, now I'm really ready to make a record, and also I think it reflects the state of the country a little bit. Everything's a little bit aggressive, we're at war, and I thought it was sort of timely in that way SOONER OR LATER TW: "Sooner Or Later" is another one of those tracks that was written after we got signed, so it's a newer song. I mentioned that sort of double time drum loop thing with "Lethal Killers" - this is the same thing. It's a half time drum loop that I nudged in one direction and then put in another track and nudge it in the other, then "boom," it's double time. And I like that, it's a good effect. It really sets up this kind of overlapping, rolling sound that a real drummer can't do. And things flam a little bit, and I really like that feel, so this song was constructed in the same manner where you have a rolling drum loop and then you put over a couple of guitar parts here and there and all of a sudden you got a song - I think this song is over six minutes. This is, um, I guess it's a couple things. Lyrically, it's sort of saying, like, whatever you do or whatever you say, there's no point in hiding anything because it all comes out in the end - which is the tagline in the chorus. There's no hiding. And in the verse it says, "Sooner or later / It's all coming down." In some way or another, whether you acknowledge it or if it just eats at your self, you can't really get away with anything. It's sort of fatalistic that way, but also in terms of, like, seeing how I also look at as a bigger picture of, like, politically, and since we're at war right now, it seems like things are getting a little scary. And that's kind of like one of those doomsday scenarios. If you look around a little you can really freak yourself out if you're reading about, like, bio-warfare and things like that. So a lot of this talk about "smoking gun in the shape of a mushroom cloud" and all that, it sort of brought up for me a lot of doomsday scenarios. So it's two-fold: it's that doomsday scenario, in terms of as far as the world is concerned, and then, personally, if you do stupid shit then you're eventually gonna pay for it somehow. SAILING SEAS TW: Like "Hunting," this is probably the most direct, out-there storytelling song. Instead of using her [real] name, it's switched to "Holly," which is in the chorus. So it's another one of those songs talking straight to somebody. And there's a lot of details in there that I wouldn't talk about in normal conversation. That's the funny thing about songwriting where I wouldn't talk about this, but then I can put it in this song and you can still hear it and you still understand, but it's sort of masked a little bit. It's presented in a certain way where it's somehow okay to say that when you're in a major key or something. Because like, the second verse is about pretending you're outside a room listening to somebody [you love] have sex [with someone else], and that's a situation to put yourself into to really torture yourself. I created this scenario in my head and I put it in a song, and it's kinda brutal, but the [beat of the] song is upbeat and happy. RENEGADE TW: This is a sample-based type song [with] drum loops. The cello was originally a Bjork sample and we replaced it. This one is sort of hard to explain. To me it’s just sort of like just a creation, because some of the record is social commentary, and I think there's a lot of that in this song, and it's like little snippets and ideas, and not necessarily one unifying idea. I think it's just kind of a song based on looking around and taking stock of things. This song in particular isn't really even about anything. It's just, like, observations, pretty much. And, oh, by the way, Billy Howerdel, the guitarist from A Perfect Circle, is playing guitar on that song. He jumped on that track and he's the one that makes it sound scary. MAYBE THEN SOMEDAY TW: That was one of the first songs written in the wake of the breakup. It was one of those kind of "well-it-just-didn't-work-out-but-maybe-one-day-we'll-see-what-happens" kind of things. Because the circumstances are such that it wasn't gonna happen immediately so I was kinda like, well, we'll see. I don't have much to say about that; it's just grouped in with "songs about her." GOODBYE SONG TW: That was also written when there was not a lot going on for me and we hadn't really nailed down the record deal. She [Tommy's ex-girlfriend] always thought she was bad luck - she'd show up and bad things would start happening - so she thought it was her fault that I hadn't got a deal. She actually moved away and soon as she did, we got a deal. [Laughs] I think it's funny to sort of say, like the first line of the song is "I'm not washed up / And you're not bad luck for anyone," so, you know, get off the ledge, really. And it's just one of those things; it's one of those yearning songs. I think with a lot of those songs there's a certain amount of effort spent on presenting evidence, like, "Look, I know this is how you feel, but look at all the other stuff." It's almost like making a case for your self [in a song]. And like I said, it didn't get me far, but it's still a good venting process. And I sort of realize when I say things like, "I wrote this for her" or whatever, it's not really for her. It's more self-indulgent to get this stuff out. And in a way you're saying, "Yeah, I wrote this song for you," but no, you wrote it for yourself so you could say things that you felt like saying. So I realize that and I think I realized that while I was writing them, but my job is to write songs so you take from what's around you to make it happen. |
2024.05.19 08:44 Numerous-Fix6854 Important Announcement on Post Flairs
Hi Guys,
Important announcement regarding the usage of Post Flairs.
We have made few changes to already existing flairs, please go through description to know about them in detail. Also, we have introduced two new flairs - one is for Hauls and other on Empties, Sl No. 12&13.
Special NOTE:
submitted by Numerous-Fix6854 to KultUpdates [link] [comments]
Important announcement regarding the usage of Post Flairs.
We have made few changes to already existing flairs, please go through description to know about them in detail. Also, we have introduced two new flairs - one is for Hauls and other on Empties, Sl No. 12&13.
- Mod Announcement
- Newly Launched/Restocked
- Freebies
- Kult New Offers/Updates
- 3 am Restocks
- Kult Please Bring!
- New Coupons
- Question & Discussion
- Rants & Complaints
- Product Recommendation
- Talk me out of kult Fomo!
- Epic Empties Sundays
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Special NOTE:
- Please make sure to once go through all the rules and regulations of this sub.
- We have brought hauls and empties to this sub after heeding to popular demand. But rest assured, we prioritize new coupons over hauls and empties so when a new coupon is active, we will try our best to keep the main feed clutter free.
2024.05.19 06:56 editorksqupl GUESS Promo Code for May 2024
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2024.05.19 06:55 editorksqupl GUESS by Marciano Promo Code for May 2024
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submitted by editorksqupl to DiscountMaximal [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 06:15 Ensec Anyone else regret even trying to use a homepod? constant issues for me.
I've had a homepod for about a year now. I bought the nanoleaf smart bulbs, they didn't work. fine it's probably the smartbulbs anyways.
for a while all I've used it for is as an alarm clock but it can't even do that right. half the time it says "Give me a sec" and then says it cannot complete the action.
what a stupid device to not even be capable of setting a timer or alarm clock without connecting to some damn server in the cloud. I'm at a point where I'm seriously like "i could do better and i barely know how to code"
i can't even troubleshoot it after it suddenly had connection issues because i can't even find it on my iPhone anymore. so i can't do anything besides plug it in and out of the outlet because there's no damn screen. the biggest waste of 99$ of my life.
like its 11pm at night. i want to go to bed but i now don't have even an alarm clock and have to hope that my failing phone speaker will wake me up.
oh well, guess its time to get a new phone and throw away a bad home pod... unless that open ai deal makes siri useful for more than the most basic of requests that don't end with "repeat again and open on iPhone!" (which doesn't even work for me)
submitted by Ensec to smarthome [link] [comments]
for a while all I've used it for is as an alarm clock but it can't even do that right. half the time it says "Give me a sec" and then says it cannot complete the action.
what a stupid device to not even be capable of setting a timer or alarm clock without connecting to some damn server in the cloud. I'm at a point where I'm seriously like "i could do better and i barely know how to code"
i can't even troubleshoot it after it suddenly had connection issues because i can't even find it on my iPhone anymore. so i can't do anything besides plug it in and out of the outlet because there's no damn screen. the biggest waste of 99$ of my life.
like its 11pm at night. i want to go to bed but i now don't have even an alarm clock and have to hope that my failing phone speaker will wake me up.
oh well, guess its time to get a new phone and throw away a bad home pod... unless that open ai deal makes siri useful for more than the most basic of requests that don't end with "repeat again and open on iPhone!" (which doesn't even work for me)
2024.05.19 05:42 editorksqupl Factory Outlet Store Promo Code for May 2024
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submitted by editorksqupl to DiscountMaximal [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 04:00 Beautiful-Loss7663 [13] Atalor's Fate - Gear
Royal Road here: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/80877/nop-atalors-fateFirst Last Next
Discord Tag: notafurrylad
It's been a while, huh?
Memory transcription subject: Yivreen, Cyonian Survivor
Date [standardized human time]: February 22nd, 2134
The flash daymares hadn’t stopped. Four nights since they’d set in, and now those two fire and brimstone eyes were lingering, waiting to come out when I was asleep. I’d thought that first daymare had been a fluke. It’d felt real, getting chomped up like that, crushed. But... ah.
I’d had more. Once I was in the mouth of that Arxur who’d kicked down the tree. Then I was in the cages with Hens Jr and Sr, and Alma... And each time if there was time for it that swampheaded, red eyed, smokey Arxur would come on in. Try and guilt me like I’d done something wrong.
It was working.
“Yiv. Yiv! I think I got it!” I blinked, my stupor broken by Junior. The kid had been a good help with the computer system since we’d let him fiddle with it instead of me. Much to my... begrudging admission: he was better at it. So, I stood from the chair and headed over to him. The monitor and console were lit up good as new, but they’d been like that for a couple nights now. We’d finally got access to a local map when that’d happened. Or rather a map of the surrounding area, outdated as it was it still had the location of the city on it. It wasn’t like anything had significantly changed in the past hundreds of years since this place had been abandoned. It had been the whole ‘trying to page it into the rest of the old systems at the outpost’ part that’d eluded Juniors little pet project.
“What did you get?” I replied, leaning over his shoulder with a paw on the console while he typed at it.
He cleared his throat. “W-well. I was able to find the wire that’d been causing the problem with the connection to the outpost’s server.” A server? What?
“What do you mean a server? I thought the only computer systems in here were in this room?” He turned his head, a brown eye winking at me. “Nuh-uh! Were you even listening when I explained it earlier? It’s more than just a weather monitoring station. It had a server, otherwise why would it need so many type-v connectors. See?” He pointed a claw to the bundle of wiring running up the wall and into a concrete hole that looked to lead to the next floor above us. Probably. I hadn’t really cared about how many wires there were.
“So... there’s more than just the databanks here in this room?” I asked. My eyes were tasked with looking over the monitor with pursed lips. I’d dug through some ye olde outpost files in the past nights for my journalist program but evidently I’d been missing things if all it took was one kid who had a knack for tech to ascertain there was more to these places.
Before my question could be answered though the command lines and startup protocols on the operating system for the thing had popped by and opened up onto a familiar desktop of our more modern tech. Junior went about clicking immediately to some command line and writing in some jibberish... And- my eyes widened. “What’s that?” I asked, pointing my claw to all the commands on his little black background’d screen.
1: StatusWere among the top five, with a half dozen more I didn’t quite have time to think on. “Quick- quick! The uh- There’s a garage?” Don’t get distracted Yivreen. Ahhh moss-heaps.. “The Barrack Override. See what that does.”
2: Logs
3: Garage Door
4: Barrack Override
5: Communications
The boy swatted away my paw trying to push at it. “Calm down! Calm down jeez, fine!” He jammed his digit into the corresponding number and pressed enter. A few moments passed as it simply displayed three dots. I waited... I waited.. Cmoooo-
Clank. VV-vv-vvv-veeeeeee....
It sounded like something behind the wall to our left was trying to unrust itself and move. A couple hundred years of not moving or being maintained had probably ensured it’d never get moving smooth again. Then of course the universe proved me wrong, and the wall actually shifted. The rounded metal slab I’d taken for a part of the tower’s superstructure began to lower, and behind it... “Holy shit.”
I don’t know where the extreme language had come from but... Wow. My eyes lit. Bunks. Bedding. Lockers.. It looked like the room beyond had been some sort of lodging area for soldiery when this place was built. But there’d been a grow-in on the back wall from a massive root. Snaring part of the room in its gripping-vinelike vice grip. The root was long dead, and the hole it’d bored through the concrete had left the inside exposed to the elements a touch more than if it’d just been left... At least there wasn’t much evidence of water damage.
“Yiv? Are you-” But I was already headed through the way, a paw on my pistol as I glanced around the abandoned room. My mind went right to checking out the lockers, which turned out to be a good idea. My little training sessions into understanding the named bits for guns with Alma were about to start paying off.
“We’ve got guns. Or... Something like guns.” I announced, pulling out the carrying case and flipping it open. Inside I found what looked to be a.. Hrm- no magazine, no bullets... I lifted it up, the rifle-like hardened carbon material was in remarkably good shape. Probably due to the case and materials, but something was different about it. I glanced my eyes over it, noting the electronic aiming system on top which... when I clicked at it offered a red circle for looking through the little scope with. Huh. Not a common thing to find on a Cyonian designed weapon, at least not these nights. This place was old, but this weapon looked like it’d been built by something more ambitious than Federation paws. Federation handhelds were all modified from the same combustion based lead belchers. A fact that rarely ever went unspoken on our own networks when we needed a reason to criticize Aafa.
It took a while longer, but eventually I did find a snap-button on the back of the trigger grip that made something inside it hum to life. My eyes widened. “It’s... An energy weapon.” I murmured. My tail flicking in apprehension. Would it even still fire? The red blinking just below the button told me it must have no power perhaps but... “Hey. Junior. You think you could figure out how to charge one of these guys-?”
I turned my head to see the kid standing at the threshold with his tail in his paws, gripping them anxiously. “Yiv. The uh. The communications aren’t working, but I think the garage door might open if we try it. It could be that cropping of wall and sealed door we figured the old power system must have been housed in right?” He glanced to the rifle in my paws. “I mean, if it uses the same standards as the computer out here it should still be compatible with our stuff. But- we don’t have anything to charge power packs of that size.” He pointed to the fixture sticking out the bottom of the stock. Hrm, he was right.
“See if you can’t get the garage open. I’ll keep looking in here and see if there’s something to help with that.” Came my own voice, I felt... Giddy. Alive. The potential to fight back was intoxicating. Before all I’d had was this dinky pistol I’d used to... kill a couple of the greys. But if we could bring the fight to their patrols, save more people-
I shook my head. Why was I thinking like this? I couldn’t stand up to an invasion fleet. I’d been a frightened Sivkit on the first night of the attack. I- I’d stampeded. I couldn’t remember any of it, but the chance I’d trampled someone in my panic was not zero. I might have contributed to someone being crushed... I’d failed Els, that soldier I’d dragged into the house. Obelisk I couldn’t even keep my mind straight in a fight with those howling, laughing Arxur in my head. The campfire fight had been a fluke!
I didn’t quite know how long I just sat there, staring at the rifle beating myself up, but eventually I was shaken from it by Keick when she sat beside me, an arm on my shoulder. “Hey. I heard you and Junior had a bit breakthrough eh?” She said non-chalantly. I could tell though, even with the chipper tone she’d read me. The accountant knew I’d been in one of my little moods. She’d known me the longest of anyone here, everyone else was like... a pack of convenience? Maybe not Junior. Keick and I had survived the woods together. I’d pulled her from her own hells next to that burning car.
“Hey.” I returned back. “Yeah. Junior got the servers working. Or something like that.” I pointed a claw over at the computer, only to notice he was gone now. I blinked. Had I been out of it that long?
Keick filled in the hole in my head. “He went with his old man to go check out the garage.” Oh. Yeah.
I looked around, “Ah. The guns. We have guns now. Real guns.” I explained, holding the one I had in my paws up for her to inspect.
“Doesn’t look like any gun I’ve seen.” She mused back, taking it from my grip. My body was moving on its own now, rummaging deeper into the lockers. Some of these cases had been broken by the snaring, smaller branches of the grow-in. The firearms within cracked open and busted. Probably no good at all, exposed to the ambient humidity as they had been for so long. Still, couple of the other rifle cases were good. We had weapons, plural. Binoculars? Got em. Spare power packs that needed charging? Got em. There was a lot of survival gear here. Like a militarized ranger outpost had been stationed here. The synthetic material of the camouflaged cloak I found proudly proclaimed it’d reflect thermal scanning on its faded label even! “Either the old rangers from before the treaties were really into operator stuff or the Obelisk put all this here just for us.” I murmured.
Keick, for her part seemed to be looking it all over with a little inventory in her head. Already tapping in the number of each item into her dataslate. “Well. I’d go with the former. The Obelisk hasn’t been around for us lately.” Came the reply as she poked a claw at one of the now entirely spoiled ration packs. “Still, there’s enough stuff here you could arm a squad of soldiers probably. If you know where we can find some spare soldiers that is.”
I flicked my ear at the poor humoured joke. “Ahuh.” Came my reply. “Maybe you should go try the radio again, they’d love to get their paws on stuff like this I think. Pre-war tech actually made to fight predators like this is rare.” Which begged the question... Why did the cloak boast about defeating thermals? These outposts were dated after our discovery and incorporation into the Federation as an early member, and WELL before the Arxur war. So why had we built cloaks like these? Was this equipment used during the years when we’d resisted the burning of our forests and jungles? If so, it meant it might have been auhh... much more violent then the archives made it out to be. Maybe there was a story here? My inner journalist was theorizing.
___________________________
I’d had to pick my jaw up off the ground after headed over to the garage. Hens Senior and Alma were leaned over the the opened hood of what looked like a remarkably still intact forest rover. The design was actually recognizable, having not changed much from what we had tonight. Six thick grooved tires, a buggy-like cockpit four seater set in the middle, and a back and top rack for storing anything you could want. “Is it working?” I asked the obvious as I stepped inside, noting Junior sat off to the side, fiddling with some wall mounted box or other. He didn’t look to actually know what he was doing beyond dusting it off and giving it a deep stare.
“I wouldn’t think so.” Came the chime of Keick, who’d followed me inside. It was around now my monocular visioned eyes were noting the various tools and spare parts laying around in the garage. Whoever had last been here had left in a hurry seemingly, because it was mostly stocked. No mess on all the immensely dusty parts. I could see a couple smaller fauna in the corners. A lizard here, a rodent there. Obviously there had been some way they’d chewed their way in at some point... Or they’d come in when the door was opened to the bustle and noise of the forest to my back.
It was Senior who looked back at my question, standing to his full height before leaning his back against the old vehicle. “No. It isn’t working. Or at least it won’t be until I figure a way to give the battery juice.” I tilted my head.
“Is it one of those older ones that zap out after a hundred years or so?” Came my obvious question.
He flicked his tail no. “It’s got one of the standard ones, it’s just that it stopped auto-cycling a couple hundred years ago. The electric motor looks like it should work if we pop it on. But we’ll have to see.” He glanced around the workshop. “I want to say we could probably get it working with the tools we have, but if the battery can’t be jumped, or it’s spent, or the motor needs a complete replacement we’re up a creek on getting it working.” It sounded like he knew a bit about it.
The feeling of my face scrunching ever so much came. “You didn’t tell me you were a handyman.” I said, crossing my arms.
“Well it never came up.” He said back with an affable smile. “Listen, it’s been a long couple weeks. Don’t get all spotty with me. We didn’t have anything a hobbying mechanic could fix anyhow.” Just a roll of the eyes from myself is all that met him as Keick spoke up, stepping over to the other three.
“So what’re you gonna jump it with?” She asked incredulously, leaning over the open cabin. From there I sort of... zoned out. All the older Cyonians present were bickering and blathering about the buggy which was quickly losing interest for me. I didn’t understand anything about mechanics like that beyond the bare minimum, so it was out of my purview. If they got it working that’d be another thing but I wouldn’t have been any help right now, so instead I placed a couple careful paws down until I was beside Junior, sitting next to him as he seemed to be eyeballing some far too faded label.
He had a paw lightly rubbing out the dust that’d caked an outlet, still one brown eye fixed on the label. All I could make out myself was the little yellow square symbol warning of an electric charge hazard. Weird to think even now those hadn’t changed. Had Federation technology really not changed all that much? Was it just us? A sigh. “So. What’s got your your nose twitching little dude?”
The past couple nights he’d gotten better with his anger, and... hadn’t destroyed any important tech in a fit of rage. All he’d needed was something to set himself to in a difficult situation like this. Keich had been right to set him on that computer. And.. I’d felt myself trying to encourage him along the way. Partly because I had an investment in getting those maps, and then partly because he’d ended up filling in a spot in my head like a younger cousin. Him and his old man had only been around for a little bit, but I guess maybe I didn’t want to think too hard about what had probably happened to my real family. For now, maybe I felt the most ‘at home’ around Keich and this little tinkerer. Was that weird? It felt like it should be weird.
He answered, looking up with a small upturn in his lips. “I think I found your energy cell charger for those guns you had.” He said simply. “One of the manuals over there wasn’t totally ruined, I saw something about a ‘optical projector weapon’ and ‘charger’ so I was trying to figure out if this was it. I... Think it might be, but I’d need one of those batteries to make sure.”
Now I felt like smirking. “Oh yeah? Well go get one swamp brain. Let’s see if these things still work huh?” Dutifully, he was up and off, tail shaking behind him in what I recognized as excitement. We weren’t totally defenceless anymore, and if the buggy could be salvaged there would be a means at least to relocate if we had to. Or... Maybe I could take a trip down to the city and paint a couple more of those scumbags red-
I shook my head. Where had that thought come from? If I was going back to Ataln it was to try and save more people... Yeah. I still needed to see if Gael was alive, maybe check that old house I’d left Els in. I don’t even know if I could find it now, knowing how scatterbrained I’d been at the time but- making a return to at least try seemed worth it.
Regardless, the box on the wall did turn out to be the correct port to charge energy cells for the guns. We’d just need to rig it up to the solar power system and juice them up to test them. Things were looking up! Our mobility had the potential to go from nights in every direction for shelter to mere hours, I’d just have to hope Senior knew what he was doing.
“Hey. Buddy.” I’d wrapped my arm around Junior’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go take a break for now huh? You were working on the computer all night. Maybe it’d be a good idea to just go relax. Enjoy how much you got done eh?” Besides. Gave me a good way to check out the logs page on the computer system myself before he stumbled on anything. It wasn’t like I didn’t trust him with it but- well there was no way to know what was in those logs.
He nodded, and with that I stood up, streeeetched out, and headed toward the tower. “Good, it’s your shift on the guard tower anyway.” I intoned politely. It was going to be a long day, assuming there was anything of substance in those logs... Scrounging through those would be preferable to sleeping right now anyway.
2024.05.19 03:55 editorksqupl Coach Outlet Promo Code for May 2024
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submitted by editorksqupl to DiscountMaximal [link] [comments]
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2024.05.19 02:09 Conscious_Eye_663 Glass Weeds
Glass Weeds Sometimes I feel like a writer. Like that was really “it” for me but I got blocked along the way. 20 years ago. 13? Maybe that was when the thought river was dammed up. That’s definitely when the self doubt and esteem issues arose. I know I could(can?) write. I learned the structure of an academic essay (intro, thesis, body, conclusion) and it worked for me, as bland as I found the rules, it served me at that time. I had a “voice” and I was told that by teachers when I was a young child and even when I was an older teen. “I can hear your voice in your writing.” Was that voice me? My “personality”? My “person”? My “self”? “Myself”. “Me”? I have joked for years now about how I’ve had an “x-years writer’s block! Lol—I swear I am a good writer” or communicator, or person even. I swear. I’m just “blocked”. I’m clogged up. I can’t get it out.
Now I’m 33 and just had an “I think I want to end this marriage!” outburst with my husband. It’s the time of the year where I’m lucky to have a constant, stimulating, and distracting, physical outlet in my garden.
My favorite task: weeding the garden. It’s a memorable analogy from AA’s “24 Hours” meditation books. Or maybe it’s from “Daily Reflections”. Either way it’s that sobriety “give it up” stuff.
Weed your emotional garden. Tear that resentful shit out. Plant the good seeds and rip out the bad ones.
I’m a tactical gardener. And learner. And experiencer. And some real gardeners would probably laugh at the way I put on my gloves and tear each and every individual weed by the root. Every. Tiny. Clover. Every single root. All the way. I like to get to the root or it just comes back.
I pull and pull and in this particular garden something else comes with the roots. Broken glass. An inexplicable amount of shards of all sizes. And when I thought I unearthed them all, more is pushed up to the surface weeks later.
This garden is 5 years in (my) making now. I remember in the beginning of my spring time digs, it was a cute, not so disturbing wonder “oh my! Look! There’s a shard of glass. I wonder where it came from? Let’s just get it out now.”
Then in the subsequent years, it became part of the process of the till. Turn the soil, pull out the few glass pieces. Wipe your hands. Have a good summer!”
This year it hit me harder than most. I’m hurting more than before. I’m drawing near the end of my capacity to feel blocked. And I am turning to the soil to dig dig dig with my bare hands and unearth whatever is hiding just beneath the surface.
Because it always is just beneath. My first real soil (lol that autocorrected to “soul”) search this spring was in the perennial bed and an inexcusable amount of glass was right there on the surface. Different colors too.
I always thought I was digging up the soul soil of the original home owner. Whom I at this point assumed was a passionate, garden loving, angry alcoholic. Why would there be so much broken glass in a garden?
But more importantly why does it keep resurfacing, even days, after I thought I’d found the last angry, imposing, threatening shard.
Today in my weeding frenzy which is also a thought frenzy, the biggest pieces I’ve found this year came to me. Green, clear, brown. I used to feel upset by them. Deep concern for the safety of my daughter, who now knows is not allowed to be barefoot in this particular garden. You must watch your step. But as I found each piece of angry glass, I came to a conclusion, or realization, of sorts.
I have a mind garden and I plant beautiful seeds and even plant big, fruitful ideas, but the cost of that is unearthing years of untold, unrecognized, unhonored, very very broken glass. Of all different sizes and colors and degrees of danger. But they are there. They’ve been there for years. Before I lived here. They’re always there. Especially when I thought that I got rid of them all.
That’s when they choose to remind me and scream: “I AM STILL HERE!!!!!!”
The first dig this spring brought a different narrative to the “angry alcoholic” smashing beer bottles. Because I dug up something different, an angled glass rod. Also, a chunk of ceramic,white, glazed, with the classic blue painted inscriptions. China-? Something other than beer bottles?
I used to throw these glass pieces away as fast as I found them, but now I have decided to collect them, as artifacts, of my inherited, 45yr old garden.
I’m learning to not be so angry and jaded toward the signs sent to me regularly. Part of my recovery from whatever this damaged, shattered glass soul, that I guess I’m realizing I am, is to embrace these small angry shards and give them the acknowledgment they truly deserve. I buried them, dug them up and tossed them, but more came.
I don’t even want to eradicate them anymore. I just want to keep collecting them as I find them for the bigger art piece to come. It will be a beautiful mosaic.
submitted by Conscious_Eye_663 to offmychest [link] [comments]
Now I’m 33 and just had an “I think I want to end this marriage!” outburst with my husband. It’s the time of the year where I’m lucky to have a constant, stimulating, and distracting, physical outlet in my garden.
My favorite task: weeding the garden. It’s a memorable analogy from AA’s “24 Hours” meditation books. Or maybe it’s from “Daily Reflections”. Either way it’s that sobriety “give it up” stuff.
Weed your emotional garden. Tear that resentful shit out. Plant the good seeds and rip out the bad ones.
I’m a tactical gardener. And learner. And experiencer. And some real gardeners would probably laugh at the way I put on my gloves and tear each and every individual weed by the root. Every. Tiny. Clover. Every single root. All the way. I like to get to the root or it just comes back.
I pull and pull and in this particular garden something else comes with the roots. Broken glass. An inexplicable amount of shards of all sizes. And when I thought I unearthed them all, more is pushed up to the surface weeks later.
This garden is 5 years in (my) making now. I remember in the beginning of my spring time digs, it was a cute, not so disturbing wonder “oh my! Look! There’s a shard of glass. I wonder where it came from? Let’s just get it out now.”
Then in the subsequent years, it became part of the process of the till. Turn the soil, pull out the few glass pieces. Wipe your hands. Have a good summer!”
This year it hit me harder than most. I’m hurting more than before. I’m drawing near the end of my capacity to feel blocked. And I am turning to the soil to dig dig dig with my bare hands and unearth whatever is hiding just beneath the surface.
Because it always is just beneath. My first real soil (lol that autocorrected to “soul”) search this spring was in the perennial bed and an inexcusable amount of glass was right there on the surface. Different colors too.
I always thought I was digging up the soul soil of the original home owner. Whom I at this point assumed was a passionate, garden loving, angry alcoholic. Why would there be so much broken glass in a garden?
But more importantly why does it keep resurfacing, even days, after I thought I’d found the last angry, imposing, threatening shard.
Today in my weeding frenzy which is also a thought frenzy, the biggest pieces I’ve found this year came to me. Green, clear, brown. I used to feel upset by them. Deep concern for the safety of my daughter, who now knows is not allowed to be barefoot in this particular garden. You must watch your step. But as I found each piece of angry glass, I came to a conclusion, or realization, of sorts.
I have a mind garden and I plant beautiful seeds and even plant big, fruitful ideas, but the cost of that is unearthing years of untold, unrecognized, unhonored, very very broken glass. Of all different sizes and colors and degrees of danger. But they are there. They’ve been there for years. Before I lived here. They’re always there. Especially when I thought that I got rid of them all.
That’s when they choose to remind me and scream: “I AM STILL HERE!!!!!!”
The first dig this spring brought a different narrative to the “angry alcoholic” smashing beer bottles. Because I dug up something different, an angled glass rod. Also, a chunk of ceramic,white, glazed, with the classic blue painted inscriptions. China-? Something other than beer bottles?
I used to throw these glass pieces away as fast as I found them, but now I have decided to collect them, as artifacts, of my inherited, 45yr old garden.
I’m learning to not be so angry and jaded toward the signs sent to me regularly. Part of my recovery from whatever this damaged, shattered glass soul, that I guess I’m realizing I am, is to embrace these small angry shards and give them the acknowledgment they truly deserve. I buried them, dug them up and tossed them, but more came.
I don’t even want to eradicate them anymore. I just want to keep collecting them as I find them for the bigger art piece to come. It will be a beautiful mosaic.