23rd: Jane Bright (Nicaragua - 6th)

A deserving, incredible Survivor endgame level character standing next to Jane Bright.
u/SMC0629:
I don't have Jane in my personal endgame, but I'm not mad at all that she made it here. She's probably the most divisive character in Nicaragua, but I personally love her. She's got a spunky attitude, has a great rivalry with Marty, great relationship with Chase, and has one of my favorite eliminations ever. Her boot is so god damn memorable, that lasting moment of the alliance telling her it's gonna be her tonight, with Jane in complete shock and despair is just perfect. One of the best characters of Nicaragua for sure.
~
u/DryBonesKing:
Jane is on a very small list of players who I think has run the entire spectrum in terms of where they land in my rankings. Top ten, top hundred, middle of the pack, bottom hundred, bottom ten… I think I understand pretty much every Jane take known to humanity, cause I’ve had them. Nowadays, I tend to lean more positive on her, but I definitely still have too many issues I’m hyper aware of to let her rank too highly for me.
“What if we have Rupert’s hero edit to someone who was just really really mean, and did the bare minimum to hide it” is genuinely hilarious to me. Jane’s got good energy and her many, many, many feuds (the majority of which being with Marty) make her a great character to guide the narrative. There’s also just her boot episode, which is like… way too good of an episode for Nicaragua. I think I’m neutral-lean positive on Nicaragua, but it’s not a season that does a ton for me, but dear god, Jane’s boot and the scene of her dousing the camp fire is like so fucking metal.
She’s such a raw, powerful person. I think my biggest issue with her right now is just that, in a similar vein to Brandon Hantz, sometimes she feels a little too real at times. Like is she funny when she’s talking shit about Marty? Yes! Is the story great? Yes! But does some of what she says about Marty and his kids feel a bit too much? Yes, very much so. It’s not enough to detract from her character, but again… Brandon Hantz-tier of character. For me, that’s a pretty big compliment, but I also do not keep him in my Top 100. Same with Jane. But despite being one of the names that made Endgame that I disagree with the most, I am very curious and excited to see our resident “Least Sane Jane Bright Enjoyer” spin a tale or two about why she deserves to be up here!
Overall Rank – 138/821
~
u/Zanthosus:
While I disagree with her being endgame, I understand the reasoning and defense behind it. I respect the hustle that Tom did to get her here and I’m happy for him that Jane made her first endgame.
~
u/Regnisyak1:
I love that Jane is here, I am not even going to lie. Before my recent rewatch, I had Jane in the 200s, and after my rewatch, I was completely blown away at how complex her character is and the great relationships she had all season. To me, she felt real with her hatred, and the switch between the dry laugh we know her for, to the nasty person she became was endlessly incredible, she was such a great part of Nicaragua and one of the few praises I have for that season. Plus, when she finds out Chase, Holly, and Sash are voting for her, the music change and piano chord that happens there might be the piece media I have ever seen. Congrats Tom for getting her here!
Personal Rank: 73/821. 9/10.
~
u/ninjedi1:
Nicaragua is such a great season due to how emotionally charged it is, and Jane is a big part of that. Jane is the sweet southern lady until she feels crossed, then she has a whole vendetta against anyone who crosses her, so it's a lot of great fun. She is not in my personal endgame, but I can always appreciate a kooky character showing up in it.
~~~~~
u/Tommyroxs45:
Jane Bright:
This is undoubtedly my most anticipated write up of the rankdown, I have such a love for Jane and everything she does for Nicaragua. She has one of the best stories of all time, and just has so many moments that further it and make it cohesive. And that is what I will explain today. Jane is not just some badass southern old lady, ok well she is, but she’s also a very deep, broken old lady trying to put on a facade for herself. Her hatred towards everyone around her has its story and here it is…
The Mask
A lot like Rupert, Jane tries to paint a mask on herself as a hero and somebody who always follows her heart for the greater good. However, throughout the season we see cracks start to arise in this persona she puts on herself. She’s someone who needs a purpose and when somebody gets in the way of that, she gets insecure and bitter and that’s when we see the wrath of Jane break out.
The editors never try to pull the wool over your eyes by painting her as a hero, because they show petty rivalries with her and Marty and her boot episode meltdown. We get to see her from all angles, even if she only wants to present one. She’s insecure about herself, making her feel entitled to be treated as a queen and carried to the end due to her “heroic” manner. Once she realizes it doesn’t work like that and she actually has to play the game, all gloves come off and we get some of the most petty, uncalled for, or even bitchy moments that just have so much raw emotion.
She’s not painted as a hero while being an asshole (*cough* Ozzy *cough*) They show her as her flawed self, but they also let you make your own decision on what to feel without pushing a narrative onto you. Of course she wins Favorite Player at the reunion, so some people still thought she was a hero but you get to see this very broken and entitled person struggling. She really hates everyone but that’s not what she can show because that’s now who she wants to be and it’s such a complicated story arc throughout the season that we see the cracks grow and it’s told so subtlety but perfectly. And this is only the tip of the iceberg with how deep this old southern lady is.
Without this defining feature, she’d just be a badass southern lady but with it she becomes so much more just adding to this brilliant story building up all season until her boot episode. Her masking her real personality just makes her a much more complex character and when we see these glimpses of it, you start to realize, ohhh this is the person I’m supporting.
Even on top of the mask, there is so much more to Jane’s character…
Grief
When you watch Nicaragua for the first time, this part of her character is not inherently obvious. Grief?!? What are you talking about? She just seems like a badass until she’s a bitter old hag for being the target. While, yes that’s a very simplified version of this, there’s so much more to dissect there. The grieving of her husband, greatly plays a role in her story, and although it’s sometimes subtle you can see how it play into it so beautifully well.
In her very first confessional, what do we see Jane say?
“They think I'm some middle aged housewife that tootles around the house all day long, they’re in for a big surprise. Because that is definitely not me. I'm fifty-six years old and I'm the type person that stays busy all the time doing things. I just don't think there's anything I can't do. Winning the million dollars is real important to me ‘cause it’ll help me pay off my farm and the fact that I lost my husband, uh, in '09, it-it-it means I wouldn't have to work as hard as I do. But his spirit, I know is still with me and that's what keeps me going.”
Her husband obviously is impacting her mentally during this season, and we see this throughout the game. Every Time somebody makes a gesture that they want her out, her personal viper just breaks out. This is because she knows this is getting in the way of her dream, and the spirit of her husband that made her want to do this and she’s not letting anybody take that from her.
She’s still grieving and wants to win for her husband, and it is a very sweet story but sadly it takes a dark turn as she starts using this as entitlement for her to win. She believes she’s obligated to be brought to the end because of who she is and the loss of her husband and yeah, it’s dark but damn is it good when you think about it.
This is also why the family visit is SO important to her story in her boot episode. Right when her daughter, Ashley gets there, she starts talking about her husband and how Ashley is the one she is doing this for, to help her. This is WHO SHE IS FIGHTING FOR!
That is why it hits so hard when everyone flips on her! How dare they! She thinks. These people are voting me out right after I fought my hardest to give my daughter a better life?!? She’s one of the only I have left, this is disgusting. It’s so sad but at the same time it’s brilliantly shown not told. And what do you know, when Jane is talking about Sash’s mama raising him, she immediately brings up her daughter, just ugh how perfect does it round back to her family and her grief with loss.
Now obviously, does that make her outrage justified, I don’t know, maybe? Is she still kind of a bitch? probably! Is she a badass? Probably! That leads me to my next point.
Perspective
If you have read a lot of my other writeups on Nicaragua you would have noticed I love to talk about the perspective a lot of these characters receive on the season. Complimenting how diverse they can be seen depending on your morals or values. No character represents this better than Jane Bright.
How do I know this? Well let’s look at her placements in Rankdowns Past:
SRI - 485/501 - Seen as a bitchy, entitled, worse version of NaOnka, and someone who went way too personal in the game.
SRII - 455/537 - Seen as annoying and sour, forced fan favorite edit not giving her the trashing she deserved by the other tribemates.
SRIII - 549/575 - Seen as a narcissist and self-righteous, below the belt remarks and “a human embodiment of a rash” (that made me laugh a bit).
SRIV - 518/615 - Seen as an ultimately fascinating character, who got a dishonest edit that didn’t show her true side until the end. Ultimately ending up as an unlikable “venomous bitch” who somehow won fan favorite.
SRV - 108/653 - Seen as a great T.V personality whose kooky first half and vigorous 2nd half make for a good story and uplifts everyone around her while also being a great character.
SRVI - 127/731 (Had to be idoled to get here though smh) - Seen as a badass challenge competitor who is actually sour, who unfairly attacked Marty and is a bit too much when it comes to her toxic side to make her slightly less good.
SRVII - 185/767 - Seen as an extremely authentic personality and very entertaining to the chaos of Nicaragua, as well as having an iconic rivalry with Marty, being an iconic mother.
See the difference between one half and the other? Yeah, that shows just how well of a character she is edited as. She has so many times where she is shown to be a hero but juxtaposed with so many times she is shown as an asshole and it works off each scene perfectly. This is why we get such a difference of opinion and I think it’s told so well to where most people don’t even see it.
You have to weigh her good and bad and see based on your morals, if she’s a good person or not, and how acceptable or right was she for her constant hatred of others? I really love that as they aren’t trying to make you think a specific feeling about her. You need to come up with that conclusion yourself on how you think she is, that’s why she won the fan favorite vote in 2011 but today many call her an entitled bitch. (And yeah, she is but that’s a lot of what makes her so amazing).
Her kicking ass in challenges and being a lively spirit contrasted to her nasty demeanor to Jill and especially Marty personally attacking them and her boot episode meltdown, contribute to making one of the most wishy-washy characters when it comes to people’s opinions on her. I don’t what to be told how to feel, I want to come up with it on my own, and I feel like a lot of that has been lost in recent years of Survivor and seeing Jane and having all these different perspectives on her personality just adds so much life.
There is a reason why so many people despise her and so many people love her, she’s just edited that well to where people have had to come up with their own feelings about Jane. Not being coerced to feel a certain way, and I feel that is the best way to edit a character. What you see is what you see, not an objective stance the show is trying to put onto you, and I feel all of Nicaragua shows this but Jane is the prime example. Perspective means everything with her.
This makes her one of the most complex characters of all time, she’s either a broken woman seeking admiration, an entitled bitch, or a badass southern lady who is an inspiration. It’s all based on what you value and isn’t that what Survivor is all about, a social experiment where you weigh your values and personalities with each other to build a society.
Speaking of building a society, how is Jane’s relationships with the cast, well let’s see her main stars:
Sash: Jane and Sash’s dynamic isn’t really shown and I think that actually helps her and Sash’s story. Sash is sleazy and doesn’t really make any genuine connections and we see that in her breakdown scene. When you watch the moment she learns she’s going home and the confessional she gives, you see a direct tone shift from how she talks about Chase and how she talks about Sash. When she’s almost crying about Chase and his betrayal, she is outright vile and nasty when talking about Sash. Showing this major lack of connection between them, that she never saw him as a friend and will not hold back from releasing her rage on him.
Chase: Jane and Chase’s connection is one for the books. Both being from North Carolina and being southern types, they instantly bond and feel close to each other. Their relationship just feels more special than anyone else’s that season, that’s what makes the betrayal so much more entertaining. You literally see her about to cry over Chase, they really were close and got to know each other and just to have him stab her in the back, it’s so good. It just felt special but it wasn’t enough for him to not cut her…
Now how could you talk about relationships and not bring up Jane’s defining one…
Fartay:
Come on! This rivalry is one of if not the best rivalry in all of Survivor. They just despise each other and really are either of them in the right? Not at all, that’s what makes it so great. Marty’s a sleazeball, cocky, and a smart ass while Jane’s an entitled, bitter, old lady and they just work so well off each other. You just have personal jab after personal jab that is just so entertaining and perfectly helps tell Jane’s story.
There is really no reason why they should hate each other as much as they do but their walks of life and personalities just clash so hard that you still understand why they hate each other. Jane takes everything Marty does to heart without any grain of salt, and it makes her reactions so visceral and truly legendary. It’s what makes Jane the Jane we love to love or love to hate!
Now, I think it’s time to talk about the pinnacle of Jane. Her magnum opus if you will… her boot episode.
The Wrath of Jane Will Break Out Tonight
This is one of my favorite episodes of Reality TV. Everything about it is perfect and told in such a way to where it’s the perfect ending for such a broken character.
Building her up with her daughter coming during the family visit, talking about her and how much she wants to provide for her. Having a seed planted in Jane’s brain after she’s not taken to the reward thinking she was entitled to be brought.
Fabio winning immunity, throwing everything for a loop, just when Jane’s attitude has really started to shift and then we get to the scene. Which personally is my favorite scene in all of Survivor without a doubt. The scene where the alliance tells her it has changed and she’s going home is so brilliant. The raw awkwardness and silence next to Jane’s utter disbelief and anger. After she flips them off it is followed by again my favorite confessional of all time.
This is what she has been building up to, everything just falls about when she believed she deserved to win. Having such raw and unfiltered emotions where she’s about to break down and cry and then the turn to anger and fury bringing Sash’s mother into it, talking about how she raised a damn liar. (WITH THAT HEAD COCK THOUGH) All with very subtle sound effects or just no music at all until she gets up and makes one last hoorah by pouring water on the fire. “I started and I put it out” 🔥🔥🔥
Then we get to tribal, where Jane is just done with the bullshit and just calls everyone out for being liars and backstabbers. “The writings on the wall Fabio!” Like come on, that is TV gold, followed by the vote having Chase and Sash “cowardly” play their idols sticking it to Jane when she is already at her lowest by not even having her vote count. She leaves bitter and broken, not the happy ending she felt she deserved.
Mortgage Gate
I’m putting this here because that’s where it best fits, and this is brief because it doesn’t really affect my rankings on Jane because it’s not in the season.
I wish they did show this though, as having this added layer of controversy between Sash and Jane with real world implications would have been amazing, even if what Jane is saying isn’t true it still would’ve shown her as an ass, making up lies just to make someone look worse. I just think it’s such an interesting topic to discuss that I wanted to give it its own section. Sash is sleazy so I wouldn’t pass him to do that, however Jane is extremely bitter and entitled so I could also see her making that up, I guess we'll never really know will we… (I know Marty called the incident fake, but it’s Marty, of course he’s gonna dispute whatever Jane says, if she says the sky is blue, he’ll say it’s orange).
I'm Not Breaking My Tile!
This kind of relates to the mask section of this write up. However, I wanted to talk specifically about Jane’s challenge prowess and wins throughout the season and how much it adds to this arc. Building her up as this badass figure competing against big guys half her age and actually winning?!? It gives an excellent face to the real Jane, having this much courage to go against Chase and Fabio even after winning, not only being such a badass in that moment but showing how she’s trying to play up this persona of old challenge great.
Jane, The Tribe Has Spoken
So in conclusion, you can see that when you really glance over Nicaragua you don’t see Jane as some sort of deep character. However, when you really look into her and her actions and motives you see a broken old lady who is obviously grieving. She is such a deep and complex character that Nicaragua needed to really round out the story.
Jane isn’t supposed to be this likable hero, nor is she supposed to be a villain, she’s not edited as one archetype. However you value your morals, is how you will see Jane and even if you find her an ass, you have to admit they tell it very well. She’s also objectively entertaining, her rivalry with Marty, her being badass during challenges, cooking fish in the woods, her boot episode meltdown, and so much more are just so iconic to me and make this season what it is.
This write up obviously won’t sway everybody, but I hope that if you rewatch Nicaragua, take a closer look at Jane and her actions and see how it lines up with somebody like Rupert or Coach who are much more prevalent when it comes to these “entitled, broken, facade” archetypes. You will see a brilliant story of grief, hatred, entitlement, and a fake persona that the show knows she is trying to present.
Personally, Jane will always be one of my favorite characters of all time with amazing scenes and a story almost as complex as Ian’s. She didn’t win this rankdown, but she won my heart and has definitely earned herself a #1 spot on my rankings for this endgame.
SMC0629: 19
DryBonesKing: 21
Zanthosus: 24
Tommyroxs45: 1
Regnisyak1: 20
DavidW1208: 24
ninjedi1: 24
Average Placement: 19.000
Total Points: 133
Standard Deviation: 8.206 (2nd Highest)

A few trips ago I realized you could effectively watch the whole parade twice- watch from Frontierland/Liberty Square, then follow the rope-carriers across the bridge, cut to the side once they shoo you along, then power-walk around the parade route and down the side of Main Street (cutting past "Dopey Dads" slowly pushing strollers along) and then you can watch the entire parade from the beginning at the corner of Main Street near the doors.
This can lead to funny things- Captain Hook disappeared somewhere between Liberty Square & the final gate. I've seen Baloo bail from the Cavalcade at Casey's Corner alongside a handler and motor down to backstage. Elena of Avalor gave me a "WTF?" look and motioned "you went all the way around?" when I whipped around the Cavalcade and crossed the street for a better shot, then started laughing.
Also I just learned the Tangled float uses momentum from the performers to swing about, which explains why I always thought it "broke down" with annoyed looking performers near the end. Since the parade runs for 30 straight minutes, they're usually completely wiped out, haha.
But watching the whole parade twice lets you get better shots- especially since the front float spins about (one day it was working so slowly an entire section missed Anna & Elsa).

Are you planning to sell on Amazon FBA but unsure what to sell? The best products to sell are those that already have a demand. Whether you're selling your own products or reselling someone else's, I'll guide you on how to find good products to sell for yourself.
First, let me be blunt: this might not work for everyone. Everyone's success is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all plan. What works for one person might not work for another, so keep that in mind.
Don't choose a product just because you can source it cheaply, because you like it, or because you think it will sell well. The first product I tried to sell on Amazon was a complete failure because I didn't do any market research. I just saw one other product that seemed to be selling well and tried to sell the same thing. I thought, "If they are selling well, I can throw up my product, and it should sell well too, right?" Nope. I was wrong. Looking back, it's funny now, but at the time it wasn’t.
They had hundreds of reviews, a much better listing, and were already ranked. I had no idea how to set up my listing back then. I had three poor-quality iPhone pictures, horrible copywriting, and worst of all, I had no idea how to launch or rank my product. I just knew someone else was selling well.
Enough about my failed product. I say this to highlight how important it is to pick the right product, especially when you're first starting. So in general, you should approach your product research like this:
Learn From My Mistakes
Don’t choose a product just because you can source it cheaply, because you like it, or because you think it will sell well. The first product I tried to sell on Amazon was a complete failure because I didn't do any market research. I saw one product that seemed to be selling well and tried to sell the same thing. I thought, “If they are selling well, I can throw up my product and it should sell well too, right?” Nope. I was wrong.
They had hundreds of reviews, a much better listing, and were already ranked. I had no idea how to set up my listing back then. I had three poor-quality iPhone pictures, horrible copywriting, and worst of all, I had no idea how to launch or rank my product. I just knew someone else was selling well.
Enough about my failed product. I say this to highlight how important it is to pick the right product, especially when you're first starting. So here’s how you should approach your product research:
Find the Market
For your first product, look for ones that are easier to ship and manufacture so you can launch quicker. The main factors to consider are:
Small and lightweight
Non-seasonal
Non-fragile / non-electronic
Non-brand dominated
Price between $12 and $55
Already selling well (over 500 units per month)
Next, you want to find other potential, successful products that will lead you to the overall market. Here are two effective product research methods:
Free Method
Check out the New Release section of any sub-category. The idea is to find products that have just recently launched and are already selling well. Some good categories to start in are Home & Kitchen, Office Products, and Pet Supplies. Go into their sub-categories to find oddball products that are doing well. For example, Home & Kitchen > Kitchen & Dining > Tabletop > Tabletop Accessories > Kitchen & Table Linens > Tablecloths. You can use the free AMZ Scout Chrome extension to estimate how many units are being sold each month.
Paid Method
Use the Jungle Scout Web App ($40 a month). The product database lets you search through Amazon with the criteria we went over and only pulls back products that fit.
Analyze Market Trends
Research the current trends and popular products in your target market. Look for gaps and opportunities where there is a demand for new products. It's important to start doing this for just one market, ideally your country’s market.
Use Product/Keyword Research Tools
Use these tools to identify potential product ideas. They can help you identify popular search terms and phrases related to your target market. Use Amazon’s search engine autocomplete, which will show you the daily trends for that Marketplace. Start typing (for example, "car Christmas decoration") and get ideas.
Think Outside the Box
Don’t just rely on scraping Alibaba for the next big product. Millions of people are doing the same. Even Alibaba’s manufacturers are directly selling those products on Amazon. Think outside the box: attend trade shows and local markets related to your target market. This can be a great way to learn about new products and trends and to connect with potential suppliers and manufacturers. Plus, it’s not as easy for your competitors to attend a trade show.
Network and Connect with Other Sellers
This is an absolute must and a game-changer. Join Facebook groups, Discord servers, and follow relevant Twitter accounts. Meeting face-to-face and networking with other sellers on Amazon will give you new ideas, and you'll share the ups and downs of selling on Amazon. Don’t expect other sellers to show you their secret formula. They won’t give you an idea for their next great product, but exchanging ideas with someone in your same position is really helpful.
Avoid Amazon Gurus' Courses
Nobody who is going to make you a millionaire or make you drop your 9-to-5 life will give you the keys to it for $3,000 or $30,000.
Tools for Amazon Product Research
There are several tools that can help with the research process. Some popular options include:
Jungle Scout: A product research tool that helps you identify potential products to sell on Amazon based on data and analytics. The product database includes over 500 million products.
Helium 10: A suite of tools that includes a keyword research tool, product tracker, and other features that can help you research and find profitable products to sell on Amazon. The product database includes over 400 million products.
Viral Launch: A product research and launch platform that offers tools and services to help you find and launch successful products on Amazon. The product database includes over 250 million products.
AMZ Scout: A product research and tracking tool that provides data and insights to help you find the best products to sell on Amazon. The product database includes over 20 million products.
Now that you generally know how to find good product ideas, don't get overwhelmed with the entire process of selling on Amazon. No need to stress about ranking, launching, PPC, sourcing, or anything other than finding the right product to sell. Once you have a good product to sell, figuring out all that stuff becomes so much easier since you know specifically what to sell. You'll start to see how things work and what products sell well once you've been doing product research for a little bit.
Remember, success on Amazon varies for everyone, and there's no guarantee this will work for you. However, by following these guidelines, you'll have a much better chance of finding a product that can succeed in the marketplace.

Are you planning to sell on Amazon FBA but unsure what to sell? The best products to sell are those that already have a demand. Whether you're selling your own products or reselling someone else's, I'll guide you on how to find good products to sell for yourself.
First, let me be blunt: this might not work for everyone. Everyone's success is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all plan. What works for one person might not work for another, so keep that in mind.
Don't choose a product just because you can source it cheaply, because you like it, or because you think it will sell well. The first product I tried to sell on Amazon was a complete failure because I didn't do any market research. I just saw one other product that seemed to be selling well and tried to sell the same thing. I thought, "If they are selling well, I can throw up my product, and it should sell well too, right?" Nope. I was wrong. Looking back, it's funny now, but at the time it wasn’t.
They had hundreds of reviews, a much better listing, and were already ranked. I had no idea how to set up my listing back then. I had three poor-quality iPhone pictures, horrible copywriting, and worst of all, I had no idea how to launch or rank my product. I just knew someone else was selling well.
Enough about my failed product. I say this to highlight how important it is to pick the right product, especially when you're first starting. So in general, you should approach your product research like this:
Learn From My Mistakes
Don’t choose a product just because you can source it cheaply, because you like it, or because you think it will sell well. The first product I tried to sell on Amazon was a complete failure because I didn't do any market research. I saw one product that seemed to be selling well and tried to sell the same thing. I thought, “If they are selling well, I can throw up my product and it should sell well too, right?” Nope. I was wrong.
They had hundreds of reviews, a much better listing, and were already ranked. I had no idea how to set up my listing back then. I had three poor-quality iPhone pictures, horrible copywriting, and worst of all, I had no idea how to launch or rank my product. I just knew someone else was selling well.
Enough about my failed product. I say this to highlight how important it is to pick the right product, especially when you're first starting. So here’s how you should approach your product research:
Find the Market
For your first product, look for ones that are easier to ship and manufacture so you can launch quicker. The main factors to consider are:
Small and lightweight
Non-seasonal
Non-fragile / non-electronic
Non-brand dominated
Price between $12 and $55
Already selling well (over 500 units per month)
Next, you want to find other potential, successful products that will lead you to the overall market. Here are two effective product research methods:
Free Method
Check out the New Release section of any sub-category. The idea is to find products that have just recently launched and are already selling well. Some good categories to start in are Home & Kitchen, Office Products, and Pet Supplies. Go into their sub-categories to find oddball products that are doing well. For example, Home & Kitchen > Kitchen & Dining > Tabletop > Tabletop Accessories > Kitchen & Table Linens > Tablecloths. You can use the free AMZ Scout Chrome extension to estimate how many units are being sold each month.
Paid Method
Use the Jungle Scout Web App ($40 a month). The product database lets you search through Amazon with the criteria we went over and only pulls back products that fit.
Analyze Market Trends
Research the current trends and popular products in your target market. Look for gaps and opportunities where there is a demand for new products. It's important to start doing this for just one market, ideally your country’s market.
Use Product/Keyword Research Tools
Use these tools to identify potential product ideas. They can help you identify popular search terms and phrases related to your target market. Use Amazon’s search engine autocomplete, which will show you the daily trends for that Marketplace. Start typing (for example, "car Christmas decoration") and get ideas.
Think Outside the Box
Don’t just rely on scraping Alibaba for the next big product. Millions of people are doing the same. Even Alibaba’s manufacturers are directly selling those products on Amazon. Think outside the box: attend trade shows and local markets related to your target market. This can be a great way to learn about new products and trends and to connect with potential suppliers and manufacturers. Plus, it’s not as easy for your competitors to attend a trade show.
Network and Connect with Other Sellers
This is an absolute must and a game-changer. Join Facebook groups, Discord servers, and follow relevant Twitter accounts. Meeting face-to-face and networking with other sellers on Amazon will give you new ideas, and you'll share the ups and downs of selling on Amazon. Don’t expect other sellers to show you their secret formula. They won’t give you an idea for their next great product, but exchanging ideas with someone in your same position is really helpful.
Avoid Amazon Gurus' Courses
Nobody who is going to make you a millionaire or make you drop your 9-to-5 life will give you the keys to it for $3,000 or $30,000.
Tools for Amazon Product Research
There are several tools that can help with the research process. Some popular options include:
Jungle Scout: A product research tool that helps you identify potential products to sell on Amazon based on data and analytics. The product database includes over 500 million products.
Helium 10: A suite of tools that includes a keyword research tool, product tracker, and other features that can help you research and find profitable products to sell on Amazon. The product database includes over 400 million products.
Viral Launch: A product research and launch platform that offers tools and services to help you find and launch successful products on Amazon. The product database includes over 250 million products.
AMZ Scout: A product research and tracking tool that provides data and insights to help you find the best products to sell on Amazon. The product database includes over 20 million products.
Now that you generally know how to find good product ideas, don't get overwhelmed with the entire process of selling on Amazon. No need to stress about ranking, launching, PPC, sourcing, or anything other than finding the right product to sell. Once you have a good product to sell, figuring out all that stuff becomes so much easier since you know specifically what to sell. You'll start to see how things work and what products sell well once you've been doing product research for a little bit.
Remember, success on Amazon varies for everyone, and there's no guarantee this will work for you. However, by following these guidelines, you'll have a much better chance of finding a product that can succeed in the marketplace.

Are you planning to sell on Amazon FBA but unsure what to sell? The best products to sell are those that already have a demand. Whether you're selling your own products or reselling someone else's, I'll guide you on how to find good products to sell for yourself.
First, let me be blunt: this might not work for everyone. Everyone's success is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all plan. What works for one person might not work for another, so keep that in mind.
Don't choose a product just because you can source it cheaply, because you like it, or because you think it will sell well. The first product I tried to sell on Amazon was a complete failure because I didn't do any market research. I just saw one other product that seemed to be selling well and tried to sell the same thing. I thought, "If they are selling well, I can throw up my product, and it should sell well too, right?" Nope. I was wrong. Looking back, it's funny now, but at the time it wasn’t.
They had hundreds of reviews, a much better listing, and were already ranked. I had no idea how to set up my listing back then. I had three poor-quality iPhone pictures, horrible copywriting, and worst of all, I had no idea how to launch or rank my product. I just knew someone else was selling well.
Enough about my failed product. I say this to highlight how important it is to pick the right product, especially when you're first starting. So in general, you should approach your product research like this:

Learn From My Mistakes

Don’t choose a product just because you can source it cheaply, because you like it, or because you think it will sell well. The first product I tried to sell on Amazon was a complete failure because I didn't do any market research. I saw one product that seemed to be selling well and tried to sell the same thing. I thought, “If they are selling well, I can throw up my product and it should sell well too, right?” Nope. I was wrong.
They had hundreds of reviews, a much better listing, and were already ranked. I had no idea how to set up my listing back then. I had three poor-quality iPhone pictures, horrible copywriting, and worst of all, I had no idea how to launch or rank my product. I just knew someone else was selling well.
Enough about my failed product. I say this to highlight how important it is to pick the right product, especially when you're first starting. So here’s how you should approach your product research:

Find the Market

For your first product, look for ones that are easier to ship and manufacture so you can launch quicker. The main factors to consider are:

• Small and lightweight
• Non-seasonal
• Non-fragile / non-electronic
• Non-brand dominated
• Price between $12 and $55
• Already selling well (over 500 units per month)

Next, you want to find other potential, successful products that will lead you to the overall market. Here are two effective product research methods:

Free Method

Check out the New Release section of any sub-category. The idea is to find products that have just recently launched and are already selling well. Some good categories to start in are Home & Kitchen, Office Products, and Pet Supplies. Go into their sub-categories to find oddball products that are doing well. For example, Home & Kitchen > Kitchen & Dining > Tabletop > Tabletop Accessories > Kitchen & Table Linens > Tablecloths. You can use the free AMZ Scout Chrome extension to estimate how many units are being sold each month.

Paid Method

Use the Jungle Scout Web App ($40 a month). The product database lets you search through Amazon with the criteria we went over and only pulls back products that fit.

Analyze Market Trends

Research the current trends and popular products in your target market. Look for gaps and opportunities where there is a demand for new products. It's important to start doing this for just one market, ideally your country’s market.

Use Product/Keyword Research Tools

Use these tools to identify potential product ideas. They can help you identify popular search terms and phrases related to your target market. Use Amazon’s search engine autocomplete, which will show you the daily trends for that Marketplace. Start typing (for example, "car Christmas decoration") and get ideas.

Think Outside the Box

Don’t just rely on scraping Alibaba for the next big product. Millions of people are doing the same. Even Alibaba’s manufacturers are directly selling those products on Amazon. Think outside the box: attend trade shows and local markets related to your target market. This can be a great way to learn about new products and trends and to connect with potential suppliers and manufacturers. Plus, it’s not as easy for your competitors to attend a trade show.

Network and Connect with Other Sellers

This is an absolute must and a game-changer. Join Facebook groups, Discord servers, and follow relevant Twitter accounts. Meeting face-to-face and networking with other sellers on Amazon will give you new ideas, and you'll share the ups and downs of selling on Amazon. Don’t expect other sellers to show you their secret formula. They won’t give you an idea for their next great product, but exchanging ideas with someone in your same position is really helpful.

Avoid Amazon Gurus' Courses

Nobody who is going to make you a millionaire or make you drop your 9-to-5 life will give you the keys to it for $3,000 or $30,000.

Tools for Amazon Product Research

There are several tools that can help with the research process. Some popular options include:

• Jungle Scout: A product research tool that helps you identify potential products to sell on Amazon based on data and analytics. The product database includes over 500 million products.
• Helium 10: A suite of tools that includes a keyword research tool, product tracker, and other features that can help you research and find profitable products to sell on Amazon. The product database includes over 400 million products.
• Viral Launch: A product research and launch platform that offers tools and services to help you find and launch successful products on Amazon. The product database includes over 250 million products.
• AMZ Scout: A product research and tracking tool that provides data and insights to help you find the best products to sell on Amazon. The product database includes over 20 million products.

Now that you generally know how to find good product ideas, don't get overwhelmed with the entire process of selling on Amazon. No need to stress about ranking, launching, PPC, sourcing, or anything other than finding the right product to sell. Once you have a good product to sell, figuring out all that stuff becomes so much easier since you know specifically what to sell. You'll start to see how things work and what products sell well once you've been doing product research for a little bit.
Remember, success on Amazon varies for everyone, and there's no guarantee this will work for you. However, by following these guidelines, you'll have a much better chance of finding a product that can succeed in the marketplace.

If you're curious about my thoughts on previous Yakuza games, here are my much shorter (except for 4, thats pretty long too) reviews for Kiwami 1, Kiwami 2, Yakuza 3 (Remastered), and Yakuza 4 (Remastered).
This is a Part 2 to my Mega big Yakuza 5 review. In the first part I covered the plot and it was absurdly long because I am psychotic. If you want to read that you can read it here: https://www.reddit.com/yakuzagames/comments/1cvry2x/yakuza_5_a_mega_big_ole_reviewsummary_for_a_big/
Combat and Gameplay: I generally felt Y5 was a bit of a step down in gameplay compared to Y4 sometimes. I think Saejima was way more bearable to use in Y5 but I generally found the combat to just be less? fun? it felt a little bland. Kiryu felt much slower for some reason. Akiyama still felt great to use and at times a little better. Shinada's combat style was not my cup of tea. I can respect a characters combat relying on weapons but his felt repetitve and honestly the weapon to bare handed combat for him didn't feel good either way. Haruka's was great though obviously. I never felt such joy or excitement then when I first started the dancing gameplay in Y5.
The upgrade system was lame I did not enjoy it, I ended up just keeping on auto upgrade so I didnt have to bother. It felt like a downgrade back to Y3.
This game was mostly really easy, granted I do play on easy because I happen to be a shame to the video game community, but I very nearly turned it to normal many times. Haruka's dance stuff was so fun I actually did try it on every difficulty mode, hard mode was so fun!
As sure as random combat encounters are in the streets of Yakuza, my complaining about these encounters after every review is just as, if not more expected. Yeah obviously the mugging in this game was excessive for me. I went everywhere by taxi just to avoid getting attacked a billion times on one street. And it is kind of at it's worst in this game not just because of how often you're getting attacked but also because of the battle fields. At first I was pretty excited because the space you can fight was so large I incorrectly assumed you could just leave the fight, wrong. While a bigger battle space sounds better on paper, it's actually a horrible idea. I cant tell you how many times I would have finished fighting three of the goons but the fight wouldnt finish because there was two more hiding AROUND THE DAMN BLOCK. It was so irritating. They did take a step in the right direction by letting Kiryu have a ward off bracelet that kept the attacks mostly at bay, it was so nice I wish other games did that in case you want to just walk around for a change or better yet the rest of this one! Because as far as I could tell none of the others had similar items, and the mugging was at it's worse with Saejima in his city enviroment. It HAD to be bugged with the amount of times i'd get attacked in that area, I probably fought more people there in the brief stint I was there compared to all of Shinada's area. So basically yeah I hate the random fight encounters and it is always one of my main complaints with these games.
I liked the tower sweeps in this game, but the one you do as Kiryu near the end of his section had a horrible situation that I have to complain about, mostly because i'm an idiot. There's an area midway through the sweep where the doorway is lit on fire. Me being the genius I am, I grab the fire extinguisher, point it at the fire, and simply throw the whole thing into the flames. Cue the next 20 mintues being me panic running and collapsing into the fire trying to get the extinguisher :(.
Side Stories
Yeah so this game on top of its massive plot and its many new areas, also added on entire side stories for each character! I'll go through and talk about my experience with each one.
Kiryu: The Taxi Driver
Oh My God. This did NOT have to be as fun as it was. I was amazed that Kiryu even knew how to drive let alone was this good of a driver. So there are three types of missions you can get with this, Racing, Taxi driving where you drive, and taxi driving where you talk. I did literally every possible thing you could in this side story. The racing is a ton of fun, there is a bit of a plot to it that basically consists of batting a rival gang of street racers and leads into your taxi boss's trauma and whatever, I didn't really care for the plot but all the gameplay was stellar. I found the missions with just the conversations to be a bit boring, but my favorite was actually doing my job and driving people to their destinations. What a blast.
Saejima: The Hunter
Okay now I can talk about the bear plot. Saejima's side story is massive and I did love it. I wont go through and summarize the whole thing but Saejima basically stays in the village with the old man who saved him from that big bear he beat up and dedicates himself to finding the bear and hunting it to help the old man and the village. There's lots of ups and downs and twists and turns and I really enjoyed it! I liked the twist that the old man was an escaped convict/former hitman as well.
As for how the gameplay of this sidestory works, basically you go to the mountain and do hunting. You lay traps, shoot animals, etc. As you work through the plot you have more acess to higher parts of the mountain. I can definitely see this gameplay not being it for some people, but I actually really enjoyed it! I do have some complaints tho, I really wish you didn't have to start all the way at the bottom of the mountain everytime, or ESPECIALLY have to walk all the way back down when you're ready to leave. I had hoped those shacks you built would serve as fast travel spots but nope. Also the gameplay is a bit clunky here, I love clunkiness so it isn't a big deal but the male deer charging at me no matter what everytime got hella irritating. Also I was stupid during one of the evil bear encounters and when I was supposed to run I stayed and thought I was supposed to fight him and I sat there fighting for my life for literally thirty minutes before I was like "hmmm whats taking so long?" Anyways I did like it and did literally every mission I could except one lousy mushroom quest because I rage quit it.
Haruka: She's an idol or whatever
Yeah this is the best one. There's not much of a seperate plot here as it basically directly ties into her main plot but it mostly consists of her doing idol activities in preperation for each level of the Princess League competition and eventually her debut.
There are lots of different types of games here. There are actual performances which duh they're amazing. There's dance battles or solo battles where you basically do a dance battle...alone? those are also always fun. There are handshake events which took awhile for me to get the hang of, I think they needed way better directions to be honest but once I figured it out it was alot of fun. There are interviews, these are fine except I hate that they make me answer under a time limit STRESS. There's TV appearances, these range from going on a comedian interview show where you have to answer questions then do quick time events, to running ?, to doing various yakuza mini games like pool or air hockey and more. The running show was so weird, the producer was always like creepy as hell and I really dont get what the point of that show was. The minigame shows varied on fun depending on if I liked the minigame.
Now dear reader, I know what you've been wondering this whole time, youve been BEGGING to hear. What is Alex's Haruka song ranking? Im so glad you asked.
So not including the dance battle songs cuz duh she doenst even sing them but I do like "Like a Arabesque" the most out of those.

1. So Much More: Like obviously right? This is the greatest song of all time! I should be studied next to Bohemian Rhapsody, Nessun Dorma, and Moonlight Sonata.
2. Dream: Technically a dreamline song but who cares. This shit made me CRY. The lyrics are ssoooooooooooo goddamn.
3. Because I Have You: This might be a hot take because I do think's it's less well made then Lonliness Loop, but I still would just rather listen to this. It's a jam, SUE ME.
4. Lonliness Loop: Honestly not a bad song either, I just find it to be thematically the weakest as well as feeling a little awkward execution wise. Still a jam tho!

What are YOUR song rankings?
I also like that the songs some what reflect Haruka's state of mind at the time of her performing them. At the time of So Much More she is just really excited for her career and incredibly optimistic. Then during Lonliness Loop she's generally dealing with the heaviness of her career and isolation of it and if I remember correctly, Park had just died when she went on to perform it. Then Because I Have You is building up to the eventual decision Haruka will end up making at the end, she's realizing how much she misses her family but her dream is still ahead of her, just super duper close. Lastly Dream, the tear jerker, and tragically not on the OST, is about Haruka's dream finally cultivating. She is in this moment achieving her dream, but she's thinking of her family and is grateful to them for supporting her this way. THIS SONG IS FOR KIRYU. Like bro, amazing.
Shinada: Baseball
Anyways lets talk about baseball. I didn't love it. At first I kind of did because I was like omg thank god baseball is way easier in this game if I'm going to be expected to do it way more often. But omg bro its TOO easy. It's just boring man. There's no room for anything interesting or diverging about it. Kiryu's could be pretty repetitive as it's just driving but they offer three different types of driving games within it, Shinada's is just a bunch of the same hitting the baseball game. Granted I liked the little story with him helping the little boy be a good pitcher. I found the main story within it really boring? I struggled to pay attention but the ending to it was cute. Yeah I guess I just dont have as much to say with this side story. I did most of it too, I think I missed one baseball mission? I did enjoy the coach missions that he sends you on for training. Well most of them...THAT UFO ONE WAS EVIL. I've never seen a machine make you get a stick in a tiny hole (thats what she sai-) before as the goal to get your prize like WHAT?
Side stories final thoughts: And thats the side stories! They were alot of fun (mostly) I wish Akiyama got a side story :(. I can't think of what they'd give him to do but I would take literally anything. Any potential side story ideas for him?
Substories
My god I did like 95% of the substories. I did SO many.
Kiryu had a really good lineup of substories. My favorite was EASILY "From a far-off land" I cried so hard doing it bro. Basically Kiryu thinks of his kids during Christmas time and he sends money to each of them so they can get what they want for Christmas. Thing is he thought alot about each of them, it wasnt him just throwing twenty bucks per kid at them through the ATM, no, he sat there and was like "Well Shiro would really like this book, I think it costs about this much so I'll send around this much to cover it" But he does it with ALL OF THEM and its so stinkin cute I disintigrated. My second favorite goes to "The other Haruka" as you can imagine anything reminding me of the kids will be my favorite. This one is good for obvious reasons. As for a weaker substory, I really didnt care for "A knock on the door" Honorable mention to the series of substories with Yuya in them! This game was tragically the only one that didn't have Kazuki in it at all.
Saejima's were the weakest and here's why. Because you only get one chapter in his city area, all of them are incredibly fast. One of them is literally just briefly talking to a guy like ???. He does also have several substories on the mountain but they're more related to his side story so I dont really count them. Anyways, my favorite of his was easily "The Little Match Girl" I CRIED, listen im a sucker for the little match girl story and this was just really adorable. I also loved the substory where he dressed as Santa and had to escape a bunch of kids. His worst is probably that one where he just talks to that guy called "Snow Festival Performer". Mostly to set up the revelation.
Haruka wise, I liked any of her substories where she hung out with Akari, but my favorite overall was probably the one where she does the Okinawa magazine interview it was so cute and it made me wanna cri. Least favorite wise, I hated "starbound" it just felt meanspirited. Haha she's fat, grow up.
Akiyama had alot of fun ones. The best probably being either of the two where he DOES A DANCE BATTLE. It was fucking amazing. I also really enjoyed the "Quirky Idol" substory. I did not like "giving up on a dream" Akiyama was once again being mega weird and creepy, I hated that.
Shinada is much better in his substories then he is normally. My favorite's were "Daddy Papa" and "The Scoop Photo", that guy had crazy hair. I did not like the store clerk one because I am incapable of math.
And thats the substories! There's also the Tatsuya quests. Although I like Tatsuya and I made sure to do all of them, I don't think this was well executed. They dont feel very rewarding and taking Tatsuya to the resturaunts is really awkward, I wish they added like mini cutscenes of dialogue where each person got to know Tatsuya with every resturaunt encounter or something. But it wasn't that bad I hope I see him again.
As for the revelations, I am a huge fan of revelations in the Yakuza games. They cut back on them alot in this one sadly but at least we still got some. Also I know there were weapon revelations but I somehow found none of them so Im going to just talk about the normal ones. Well, more like rank them.
Saejima: This was funny in a looney tunes way, I loved it.
Haruka: Okay I hated the substory starbound but this was so stupid I couldn't help but lose it while watching.
Shinada: This was just really cool.
Akiyama: I can respect that performance
Kiryu: Althought I like the guy and respect the situation, the revelation in itself wasn't super memorable.
There you have it!
Lastly, the settings.
Yakuza 5 is wild because every character (except Akiyama) got their own unique area in the game, plus there is also Kamurocho. Saejima actually got TWO if not three if you count the prison. I found Kiryu's to be really lovely, it's probably my favorite honestly, at least out of the new ones. I felt like I really got a good feel of the place and it had such a relaxing atmosphere. Because of the slow nature of this part of the game, it really had time to develop a unique identity especially because Kiryu was so familiar with the locals. The mountain was a better setting for Saejima, I wish they just expanded the mountain rather then have him go to the city. Saejima's city, While I thought this area was my favorite beauty wise. we aren't there long enough and it feels to restrictive on where we can go. Satenbori felt like coming home and it was SO lovely and nice just like I remembered, no notes. Shinada's lacked alot of character. I actually thought it was Kamurocho for way too long because it looks so similar to it. Granted I get Japan can't look too different from well, Japan, it just struggled to stick out in my mind. It's unique feature was the large park area and that was pretty cool but I like never went over there. Lastly, Karmurocho is as lovely as ever, im amazed they still let me go underground even though we barely spend any time in the city, like there was no need for them to let me but they did and I appreciate it. Goodbye intricate rooftop access though, you will be missed. The Kamurocho hills additon made the whole place feel quite unfamiliar honestly. It was a strange feeling walking around it but I still thought it was pretty cool!
Did anyone have a favorite city we visited?
And that concludes my Yakuza 5 ramblings about everything other then the plot. If you read this AND part 1, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Im excited to discuss this game with people because I loved it alot! Feel free to comment on either post if you want to, otherwise I'll finally shut up.
8/10

If you're curious about my thoughts on previous Yakuza games, here are my much shorter (except for 4, thats pretty long too) reviews for Kiwami 1, Kiwami 2, Yakuza 3 (Remastered), and Yakuza 4 (Remastered).
All of my reviews are made pretty quickly after I finish the game, this was written right after I finished but I haven't posted it till a month later because its so long I thought no one would ever read this but whatever I gotta get my truth out there.
Per usual I played the remaster of Yakuza 5. I'm not sure of any outstanding changes or things of note like with 3 or 4, but if something I say is exclusive to the remaster please let me know! I may sound overly praising or overly critical of this game, who knows but please be kind when you tell me i'm an idiot for feeling the way I do! Lastly and most importantly please please please don't spoil future games in the comments! Also warning I'm way too active in the comments section.
Because I am an utter psycho and decided to write a fuckin bibles worth of yakuza 5 ramblings, Part 1 is just reviewing the plot and Part 2 goes over everything else. I split this up last second so there's likely some spots where I say something like "we'll expand on this later" then I never bring it up again, that's because it's probably in part 2. If you want my thoughts on things like the substories, side stories, gameplay, and settings you can read Part 2 here: https://www.reddit.com/yakuzagames/comments/1cvrybw/yakuza_5_a_mega_big_ole_reviewsummary_for_a_big/
The Plot:
Like with Y4, I will discuss my thoughts on each section of the game rather than in one long chunk just because I find it more fun. I'm not even gonna try to not summarize this time because this game is so big it needs broken down.
Part 1: Kiryu
You might often find me compare Y5 to Y4 a lot in this review because they're honestly quite similar games and feel like a package. When I started playing 4 I was worried I wouldn't like playing as primarily strangers for a majority of the game, but one thing they did absolutely right was making Kiryu the final protagonist you play as in that game. So going into 5 I was very apprehensive about starting off with Kiryu, I worried they showed their hand too soon and that it would be difficult to stay invested the whole time.
With this feeling going into the game, I was immediately somewhat losing it over Kiryu being an incognito taxi driver with the worst disguise of all time (some sunglasses and a face mask, don't worry he's literally the only one in the game that seems to think it's a good disguise). Right off the bat, this game feels...sad. Kiryu watching Haruka giving an interview on the TV and storming out rather then defend her to some losers who don't get what ART is, was SAD. This part of the game felt so mundane for awhile, but not in a bad way! You wakeup as Kiryu, walk to work, drive your taxi, and go home late at night (usually) alone. The whole time my eyes were drawn to a facedown picture frame and wondering what it could be, but I certainly had a guess. Kiryu is going through a hard, isolating, and depressing time and you can feel that so well from the game and how they have you play as him. Anyways there's also a random gal named Mayumi that will not leave Kiryu alone despite him asking her to. All you're doing by the end of chapter one is going "Huhhhhhhh?" Anyways Kiryu is approached by two dudes named Morinaga and Aizawa in chapter 2, telling him Daigo was???? Kidnapped?? GASP.. Admittidly I wasn't too fond of this duo at first. One thing that was consistent through my playthrough is that I was completely incapable of predicting anything correctly, and it had felt like these two were gonna be my pals for the rest of the game and I just wasn't clicking with them. Not to mention this weird semi-one sided-romance going on with Mayumi.
In chapter 3, we begin with the most heartbreaking thing that could ever happen to me, Yakuza 3 superfan. Kiryu has been pushed out of running the orphanage by a lady named Miss Park. It's all making sense now. He does it so the orphanage can have money and so Haruka can follow her dreams. DOESNT MAKE IT EASIER TO DEAL WITH FOR ME :( . Then we meet Watase, first thoughts? I was like "god I hope this guy isn't the main villain he's kinda lame" Soon after we meet Aoyama and I thought literally the same thing. Clearly by this point in the game I didn't have the highest hopes. I was mostly sad and not liking most of the new characters. But then... things take a turn.
Mayumi was actually a spy! thank god honestly. Kiryu meets Aoyama again but then Morinaga shows up and fuckin kills Aoyama and says he buried Aizawa alive HOLY SHIT? and then soon after I'm told Majima is fucking dead. Figured he wasn't actually dead cuz I've seen pictures of him from later games but holy shit I somehow cried just at the THOUGHT of him being dead. Also at some point here we met a detective who is an important player in this story but at this point not too integral. Also before Kiryu leaves he picks up the picture frame and its the orphanage ;-;
Kiryu final thoughts: This part of the game was fantastic. I'm so glad they started with Kiryu in this case despite my initial unsureness with it. Chapter 4 especially is when everything really falls into place and starts going 100 miles an hour but I also love the slowness of the previous 3 chapters. I do wish we got more Morinaga as this is unfortunately the last we hear of him despite this being a wonderful set up to a really interesting villain. Mayumi was a pretty shit character per seemingly always with any full grown woman in Yakuza games. While I think it's cool she was secretly a spy she was clearly an afterthought as we never hear about her again so that's cool. Basically a mixed bag of new characters overall.
Part 2: Saejima
I jokingly said to myself "Wouldn't it be funny if I had to spend half of this section breaking out of prison again. Thank god that's not the case." and continued hanging out with Majima until I was arrested for two more years of serving my sentence and OH NO IM BACK IN THE BUILDING.
Yeah I was VERY unsure about breaking out of prison again being a good call. Thankfully, and sorry to Y4, this is a much better prison sequence. Another thing I was really unsure about was BALD SAEJIMA! But actually... it kinda slays harder? In Y4 he looks like that guy from the game The Hatred (an insult) maybe it wouldn't be so bad if bro washed or brushed it but he never did and so instead bald was a slay. Anyways We're dropped in at nearly the end of Saejima's serving period with his group of friends/cellmates, newest one being some dude named Baba. We are relentlessly tortured by the scariest man I've ever seen, Viktor Zsasz-I MEAN! Kugihara. Who's honestly scarier looking then Zsasz somehow. But it is ON because Viktor Zsasz framed my bestie Baba and I will not let that slide so I beat the fuck out of him and it's revealed Zsasz was instructed to be a dick to me. By who??????????????????? Then it's double revealed to me that Majima is dead and I'm sad all over again :(
Turns out our warden is actually really chill and nice and somewhat tries to help us survive. What a breath of fresh air after Satan (Saito) from Y4. This guy is so cool infact we are encouraged to break out by him. So Baba and I do in the dead of the night and tell me why I cried over leaving my two other cellmates ;_; they were such bros. Zsasz hinders my escape and we fight, but my absolute PAL Himura fuckin shoots him it was an amazing turn of events and I cheered so loud and was devastated to leave him behind but anyways-
FUCK YEA SNOW MOBILES (they were kinda jank to control honestly but its the thought that counts). I am so glad I didn't know I was going to be fighting a bear going into this because that was easily the most camp thing ever and so hilarious. Then some old guy saves me (and later Baba) and we chill in the mountains for a little while. The mountain has a whole crazy detailed side story of it's own that I'll explain in more detail later but basically it was cool.
So then a ton of important stuff happens in Tsukimino, most notably we hang out with Baba in a bar which is great because I love Baba and him and I are super tight and he's easily the only person I could ever trust at this point without potential for betrayal! :)
Anyways me and Baba fuckin kidnap this guy because his chair is by a sewer manhole? He's gone in a flash so all I can imagine is dragging him down the hole by his ankle or something. Then we talk for awhile, Majima is mentioned woohoo, THEN HE'S sniped! The way I gasped. Longstory short :( Baba is the one who sniped him and not only that he kind of set everything up and wasn't my best pal all along :( Why Baba Why? Then Baba basically confesses his love for Saejima and can't go through with killing him, AAAAAAND Im back on the Baba train. That detective I mentioned from earlier arrests Saejima but not to throw him back in jail, to assemble the Yakuza avengers.
Final Saejima thoughts: This was shockingly fantastic. I was probably least impressed with Saejima's section in Y4, so it was shocking to have basically the same structure and general narrative beats but done well. It wasn't perfect, I didn't love it as much as Kiryu's section as I'm partial to a slow burn, but it was fun I have no real complaints, except MAYBE more then one chapter in Tsukimino would be a better choice.
Part 3 (first half): Haruka
I did not know I was going to get the HONOR of playing Haruka going into this game. We start off very strong, dancing to the greatest song of all time "So Much More." I mean we really get the full idol experience here with mean ass teachers and shady management. I didn't expect to get an Idol simulator in my Yakuza game but it might be the best thing ever. I decided right off the bat to put everything I had into this section of the game so immediately I did literally everything I could. Most of this chapter feels like a bit of a reflection of Kiryu's were working and going back home alone, it's all as monotonous and isolating as can be (except you're a predebut idol) and I love this. We quickly meet a girl who will serve as my bestie named Akari and yes I indeed would die for her thank you. Meeting Akari introduces us to this sections version of combat, DANCE BATTLES! I know some people might be disappointed you don't get to punch people as Haruka, and I get that, but this feels like a more genuine gameplay style for her character. It's hard to imagine Haruka fighting thugs in the street due to her personality (not that i'd be against it, especially after that weird virtual reality game where I get to wack dudes with a wand) plus I found this gameplay style so refreshing. I was never groaning or sighing because I had to dance against someone. I think it helps that I wasn't forced to do it 15 times in a row walking down the street, but I had the option to most of the time unless it was part of a quest. Maybe that's how all the gameplay should be? I don't mind being approached by thugs sometimes but it always feels like it happens too often in these games and with getting the option to while getting to walk around carefree otherwise in Haruka's section was just SO NICE.
Anyways, We get the whole set up here, we are participating in a competition show that will single handedly set the course for our debut. We're competing against this band called T-set. I hate them so much. They're so mean :(. At some point we see Miss Park absolutely SLAY and tell off Haruka's dance teacher and she doesn't take his shit at all. At this point I was like "Uh ohhhh I don't wanna like her but...she kinda rocks" my decent into stanning Miss Park only continues from there. We have to go convince some guy named Christina (interesting name to take but also a slay, much respect to Mr. Christina and his fedora) to be our new dance instructor. This causes drama with me and Akari which devastated me because I love Akari but we made up like immediately so it's chill.
Then at one point, I forgot the context, Haruka is shopping for a gift for Miss Park when stupid T-set shows up and STEPS ON THE BROACH I BOUGHT FOR HER. I was back and forth on them until now, now they may burn in hell. Especially after they made Haruka get on her knees and beg for forgiveness like ???? what gives ??? Park shows up and SLAYS and gets rid of them. Park then wears the broach :(((((((((
Then one of my favorite parts happen in chapter 2, Haruka and Miss Park go hit the town and just bond together. It's so stinking cute I wanted to cry. This whole time I was trying to not get emotionally attached to Park because it really felt like she was gonna end up betraying us. But the night continued and we get some mother daughter vibes going, even so far as holding hands????? Also Im somewhat glad I didn't get to wear the outfit I bought at the store with Park because I was going for a Cheetah girls inspired look then realized far too late how tacky that might come off, not everyone is Raven Symone ya know?
Anyways at this point I'm like wow this is the cutest game ever, nothing can ever go wrong, Park MIGHT betray me but I don't even care. She gives us a cool pen and a tragic anime backstory with an abusive ex husband and everything and we call it a night Well the next fuckin day my world crumbles because PARK IS DEAD! She "committed suicide" as if!
Part 3 (second half): Akiyama
I can't tell you how devastated I was to realize I'd only get to play as Akiyama for half of a section of the game. However, I was also thrilled to see him at all. Apparently he's opening a Satenbori office and also he is the one who financed Park's dream to debut Haruka so that's how he has a hand in all this. There is tragically very little Hana, she calls you twice and both times were fantastic but I wish I had more :(. Anyways Akiyama has heard about Park's death and goes to the office and meets Haruka. I didn't think they'd even really know each other and assumed we'd have an interesting reveal that they both know Kiryu later but nah they know each other. It honestly probably works better this way because we don't have time for such trivial things! Akiyama is a fuckin detective now. I don't know why he has been tasked to do this but he does it so well I don't even mind. He quickly figures out Park didn't actually kill herself and they simply need evidence to prove this. I'm unsure when this happens but at some point while talking about the mystery SOMEONE FALLS OFF THE ROOF! It was Horie :( who I haven't mentioned yet but he's my manager and a real pal. Thankfully he lived but we found out that the former dance teacher pushed him off. I think he also killed Park or Kanai did, who knows, either way someone did and they suck for it.
Chapter 4 has a lot going on, but basically the president of Osaka talent is sus and he's also the secret chairman of Ousaka Enterprises, which is a different thing... but sounds similar. Ousaka is basically a higher up family in the Omi alliance, so he's part of the bad yakuza!!! Haruka keeps doing the competition and T-set keeps sucking. She wins the princess league by a landslide. I don't even see the point in a third round if she won both of the other rounds? Is the third round just worth more points? Either way Haruka destroyed them and they suck. Her poor vocal instructor is working as her manager now. At some point we find out Parks ex husband was none other then Majima! Which is quite the revelation. Japan is such a small world, everyone seems to know each other. This does mean that Majima at least hit Park (I think after her abortion) and I think he's like 10 years older then her yet they were already married when she debuted at eighteen... Is it time for me to confront the possibility that my favorite crazed murderer might not be the most upstanding citizen?
It ends with Haruka being kidnapped, (nothing out of character there), and Akiyama saving her. He and Haruka make their way to Japan for the big ole concert Park had been planning. Wow this story is really picking up! I hope nothing grinds it to a sudden stop!
Part 3 final thoughts: God this was amazing, every step of it. My only complaint is I wanted more, more Akiyama and MORE dancing but I might be the only one who wanted 40 more hours of dancing. Detective Akiyama and Haruka duo was not the team I knew I needed but Im glad it happened. I found all of the music and gameplay here SO fun and I loved the plot too. I really liked Parks character. I wouldn't necessarily hang out with her, but I found her to be pretty well written and its hard to hate anyone Haruka clearly treasures, I am very sad she is actually dead because up until the end of the game I kept thinking she was going to come back.
Part 4: Shinada:
We have come to a sudden stop. We start with a flashback to 1997 where Shinada has debuted as a baseball player for the wyverns, don't forget this moment because the rest of this section of the game constantly calls back to it. In the modern day Shinada is a loser who is really heavily indebt and lives in a weird grimey rooftop shack. He also now writes like ? smut articles ? And he's friend with a girl named Milky which is the craziest name I've ever heard. A loanshark who talks about his kids a lot constantly follows Shinada around and takes his money. There was a lot of promise with this gag, like maybe instead of letting me keep the 100k and still acting like I'm broke he shows up after every side mission to rob me but nope. At the end of the chapter we run into a masked man who is frankly just Daigo stealing Kiryu's disguise idea.
Shinada and loanshark (his name is Takasugi) walk around town looking for leads on uncovering the truth of Shinada's past. Because you see, Shinada one time got fired from baseball cuz everyone thought he cheated, oh you already knew that? yeah same but don't worry you'll hear it at least 40 more times. Daigo asked him to go look for clues about this, why does he care? I still don't know honestly. Takasugi is forcing him to go because...I guess money? and he's walking around with me and were acting like friends now for some reason. Shinada is incapable of having any agency for himself, he just does what people tell him to. He also keeps nearly dying like a looney tunes character with shit falling out of the sky and stuff. Eventually we find out the Nagoya family fixed the match and then some guy Shinada used to know does get smashed like a looney tunes character. Skip ahead, were called to help by Milky and she betrayed us. I am sad cuz I thought Milky was a friend for life. Turns out literally everyone Shinada knows aside from the fkn loanshark are evil, even the old baseball lady. This plot was so convoluted I frankly don't understand why they were doing what they were doing, all I know is they were more like a neighborhood watch situation then Yakuza even though they seemed to do the exact same thing. Also when I say literally everyone he knows is evil I mean everyone, even his old coach or whatever. For way too long I thought they meant the middle school baseball coach so I was hella confused. Anyways we then find out that actually Takasugi is Shinada's number one baseball fan. Okay? Anyways
Chapter 4 things finally pick up a little. Daigo reveals himself like anyone ever was doubting it was him, and he also reveals he cares because he went to highschool with Shinada. Is that fr how were connecting this? Daigo got expelled from highschool because he protected Shinada from a rival school. Once again, okay? I guess Shinada doesn't like that Daigo is a yakuza and punches him out the door. I wasn't a fan of this. Daigo goes down pretty easily, pitiful Daigo strikes again. I love him but can he do anything right? Anyways I guess the fight meant nothing cuz they're pals now and go to Tokyo together. We get a cut to Takasugi getting his money back from Shinada as well as a signed baseball...okay that's really cute I nearly cried. I wish they actually left it there but instead Shinada runs away last minute to meet up on that stupid baseball field from 1997 that we cant go 5 minutes without hearing about and we fight this guy named Sawada who was like the kind of mastermind and also the pitcher. Had Sawada not thrown an easy pitch, Shinada wouldn't have hit it and thus been kicked out for cheating. We fight some Omi then play baseball and OMG WHY ARE WE DOING THISSSSSS
Finally it ends and we go to Tokyo
Shinada final thoughts: If you cant tell I was not a fan of this. I found Shinada to be really inconsitently written. In side missions or when he's playing off of certain characters he's quite entertaining and un, but most of the time, he seems to just be a blank slate who does whatever and only talks about baseball. And omg maybe if I liked baseball this would have been the best thing ever but we did not need THAT much baseball talk or constant referencing to that baseball game in 1997. I get its central to his character but it became a meme how often he'd get misty eyed and talk about getting kicked out. Why did he move Nagoya to escape his image as a cheating baseball player when 1) he constantly talks about it anyways, 2) everyone literally knows who he is here anyways. They make it seem like at first he wants nothing to do with baseball anymore but he also goes to the batting cages all the time and also thinks about nothing but baseball. The plot here is just SO hard to follow and not at all what I want to be dealing with after we were really in the thick of things with part 3's ending. I'm not saying it was impossible for this to be good, I think there was so much potential here! Like seemingly all of Yakuza 4, the concepts are there but the execution is iffy. I think it's biggest downfall is when it happens. It would have made so much more sense to make the last section before the finale the Haruka section. Shinada would have felt much better to play as maybe as a part two or even a part three, but NOT part four. The odds were stacked against him being amongst a cast of characters that I already know and love. I definitely was more of a Tanimura fan, but I liked Shinada as a person. His inconsistent writing, unfortunate story, and tendency to be a little annoying really dragged this part of the game down for me.
Part 5: The Finale
This finale is crazyyyyyyy so strap in. I would expect nothing less then insanity from this game. First Kiryu shows up in Kamurocho WERE HOME BABYYYYYY. Were being followed by BABA!! I missed him. We fight for fun or something then we cut to Saejima who is meeting with the detective who tells us we gotta find Morinaga. OH YEAH THAT GUY. So we go to the Florist and we go to the arena only to find... AIZAWA??? The fuck? I thought Morinaga fuckin killed him cold blooded and made me think he was a cool as fuck villain. Only to find out that GASP Morinaga is actually dead. At this point I literally don't believe it because I guess I was in my era of not believing anyone ever dies.
We go to Akiyama who is told by Osaka ceo to not let Haruka perform. Akiayam says hell no. We also find out that Park and him planned to make Haruka and T-set a group and debut them at the same time but I somehow missed this when playing and didnt realize that till way leter. ANYWAY At some point we also see the CEO doing naked push ups in his penthouse which was so weird. ALSO there is a Date-san reveal. The scream I screamt! I didn't know I missed him or needing him so much in a game till I saw him again. Usually I'm wondering why he's even there or what he adds but I finally get it now, he adds being Date to the table and that's all you need.
Then I do a tower sweep at Kamurocho hills and OMG is this what Majima was building the whole time? To be fully honest it's beautiful and im very proud but its so different and lowkey off-putting. Kind of like Majima himself. I miss him. A whole game and I only be hearing about him second hand its not fair. Question, did literally anyone choose Saejima to do the tower sweep? Anyway were on the top of the tower; Kiryu, Saejima, CEO Katsuya, and Watase. We all have to fight eachother to draw out the one true bad guy and also cuz this is a yakuza game, so off our shirts go and everyone fights. Basically everyone gets shot and the bad guy is revealed... THE DETECTIVE. Who saw it coming? I still kept thinking Park would come back or Morinaga but by this point I was definitely suspecting him too. I don't fully get why he's doing all this but long story short he's purging both the Omi and Tojo of nice? Yakuza? I guess? I think it mostly has to do with him making way for his son to inherit a role in everything but thats not further explored till later. Not to worry tho! Daigo has shown up!!!! But because he is Daigo you should definitely be worried because once again he cant do anything right and he gets shot by Kanai. God dammit Daigo. He is now in critical condition, this is the SECOND TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED DAIGO. He's such a damsel in distress, never change.
Baba tells Haruka the message Kiryu had for her, to never give up. He also asks her to come with him to convince to Kiryu to chillax but she refuses. Sad for no one but me. At the New Serena, where that absolute BOP of a song is blaring, Kiryu is sleeping, while the rest of the crew are chilling and chatting. I forgot to mention Akiyama and Shinada briefly teamed up but frankly who cares. Shinada talks about baseball alot here too just incase you were worried he wouldnt. They conclude that detective bad guy is gonna attack Haruka's concert which I will NEVER allow. I guess Shinada's purpose here is actually tha the knows the stadiuk layout pretty well which I will buy in to. Also I believe here Haruka gets told about her and t-set being a band together now called Dreamline. I also dont love this. The idea of it is fine, Im all for a disney channel original movie plot where the bullies are actually great and we all become friends at the end but the issue is they don't properly develop T-set to do that. The short haired girl gets one little moment of being somewhat nice to Haruka then the very next time I see her she's stepping on my boss's broach and making me beg on my knees like sorry but it's really hard to come around on liking them. Even now when Haruka stumbles duing practice they're rude! This is a tragic ending if anything but Haruka seems happy I guess... Dont worry they will be nothing more then Haruka's glorifed backup dancers.
Okay final chapter, and it's a doozy. We send Shinada of all people to go help Haruka at the stadium, I know i just said I get he knows the layout of the stadium but like :( he's literally the only one who hasn't met her. I guess they don't end up interacting really anyways. Saejima is going to go after Majima because btw he's alive and at the top of the millenium tower. Akiyama and Kiryu stay on the ground to defend against attackers and they probably punch/ kick at least 10000 men. All the while Haruka gives her concert. But Baba is lurking and gonna shoot her, I thought he learned to be good again but whatever. Him and Shinada end up having a confrontation that ends in Baba losing and he's about to kill himself when !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my prison besties and the wardon show and up stop him! Oh my god I loved that so much what a nice resolution for Baba and I love that those guys went straight to a Jpop concert just for their pal. Meanwhile Saejima confronts Detective evil man on top of the millenium tower and !!! there he is, finally Majima is here. But he is not having a good time, turns out he's allowed himself to be captured and tortured for the sake of Haruka and now Majima and Saejima have to fight for the same reason. Then! Daigo shows up, while im literally begging him to actually shoot the bad guy but instead they all talk. Haruka is safe from harm (Baba wouldn't have done that shit anyways) and we officially learn about the plot of him attempting to put his son in charge of everything. Kiryu goes to Tojo headquarters to stop whoever this suspicious son is and Akiyama fights Kanai. Then literally all our friends ever show up to help and that was damn cute.
Kiryu shows up and it's eerie, completely silent with dead people everywhere. We go to the meeting room and the guy behind it all along was Aizawa. I definitely did not see that coming because I forgot he existed. But I suppose thats the point, he was so unassuming. I guess that means Morinaga actually was dead all along. We fight Aizawa while Haruka sings a song that seems very pointed at Kiryu wins (duh) but he is not doing well and tries to make his way through the streets. Meanwhile Haruka announces her retirement because she cant hide who she is or stay away from her family any longer and runs away to find Kiryu and THE GAME ENDS. Other games gave me a after credits scene that somewhat eased my concerns, but 5 is a overall very sad game and it's scene is her managing to him but he's bleeding out in the streets and falls unconcious in her arms.
Finale final thoughts: This was quite the finale! It was much better then Shinada's section but it was still a bit messy and left a lot of plot threads up in the air or had some unfortunate revelations. Nothing bad but things I think shouldve maybe been revealed earlier, like Aizawa. Only finding out with like 20 minutes of the game to go makes it feel too empty or even rushed when we know this game is otherwise not rushed at all. I was a little sad about the ending, I don't think it was bad at all I was just sad. The whole time I imagined it ending with the whole gang going to Haruka's concert and having a good time. For once I dont think the game fully dropped the ball on the finale like they tend to do so I commend it for that.
TLDOverall plot final thoughts: As a whole this is one of the most well written Yakuza stories since Yakuza 3 (obviously in my opinion). I can see that for some people all the plot twists and surprises might have felt like too much but I loved it, I never once could predict where this game was going. Morinaga dying off screen was such a let down and missed opportunity, at the end of Kiryu's section I was thinking he was going to be the best Yakuza villain in awhile but instead he went out in such a lame way. I do kinda wonder who killed him, I assumed it was just the detective guy but Aizawa seemed at least somewhat sad about Morinaga's death. I wonder if that was all a show? Another thing I dislike not just because of how it went, but also that it ended up going no where, Mayumi. They made quite the big deal about her at first and I do like the plot twist that she was a spy, but she wasn't even really acting any different when she was in spy mode and in normal mode. Plus you literally never see her again. I think Saejima's section was just very reminicent of his in 4, but done well. Aside from it taking quite so long to get to the city, by the time you leave it feels slightly rushed. I think the chapter in the woods didnt need to be its own thing. Absolutely no notes with Haruka, only that I'm sad this is all we will see of Park, I found her to be a really interesting character. Akiyama is where my main issues arise, only because I really do think he needed his whole section. He felt a little tacked on otherwise when I think he really didn't need to feel that way. I had hoped he would be part of half of Haruka's section then half of Shinada's where he is used to introduce us to Shinada as a character. But instead we get dropped into that like nothing. I know im probably the only one who cares about Hana this much but I really wish we got more of her. I basically said all my issues with Shinada at the end of his section but once again, I really didn't enjoy that plot. The finale was a mess and unfortunatly left at quite a cliff hanger which I wouldve rather it didn't but Im also okay with how it did. Some other things I wanted in this game was MORE MAJIMA I get why he wasnt for narrative purposes but Im gonna say that in every game. I wouldve loved more Okinawa orphan content. That being said there is way more content for them in this then in Y4 which is wild considering we spent like 5 seconds in Okinawa during a flashback and you never actually see them. It was so nice to hear what theyre up to second hand and some of the side missions expand on them a little more but I am devastated they werent there.
Lastly to briefly compare it to Y4, as they do feel like connected games. Y5 realy does feel like they took all of the concepts of the 4th game that needed to be reworked, and then re-did them to be better. The villains are better, prison break outs are better, and just like way more. I do think there are things in Y5 that are lacking compared to Y4, like general atmosphere, and I do think Tanimura's section in 4, as flawed as it is, is better then Shinadas. Akiyama's in 5 is great, but I love his in Y4 more simply because he doesn't have to share the spotlight. But I really have to emphasize, story and character are done better in Y5, ATMOSPHERE is done so much better in Y5.
TLDR for the TLDR: I liked this game :)
And there you have it, the longest goddamn review of all time. It was a really great game and I wish I could play it for the first time again because it was just SUCH a great experience. If you read this far I am so impressed by you and eternally grateful you even cared to. Please let me know your thoughts! I'm so excited to talk about this game with people. As for my rating, It was going to be a 10/10 until I got to Shinada's section now I'm in between an 8 or a 9. Ill just say 8/10 to be mean.
I am already neck deep in Yakuza 0 so I'm excited to write a much shorter review for that one soon.
Thank you for reading!

Before i begin, this has already happened more than a year ago at this point. I have also went into some deep reflection to my past due to trauma previously making me unable to see things more clearer and now i think its time to ask here in reddit for some constructive criticism.
I used to have a WAY different life more than a year ago, i had my GF at the time and ofc a good circle of friends. Nothing out of the ordinary until i happen to deal with first year college, i happen to be in a more tedious and academically competitive environment within my course at the time so i really did have no time for anything else aside from my college courses and my GF. Things went south when pressure mounted on top of each other, assessments were piling up and my GF was having ALOT of communication problems, which in turn made me unable to really figure out what's bothering her. Turns out shes sulking over alot of things, namely my recent absence in her life since i only chat her whenever im free which is usually once every evening compared to all the time previously when i was still not stressed in college. This prompted me to feel like she's purposefully sulking over my circumstance to win my attention over. There was only so much i could give without compromising my GPA and i really did explain that to her, it was no use she kept on sulking and bitching about the whole ordeal until i mentally snapped. We eventually broke up due to this, and it wasnt easy for me. Until i found out something later down the line.
Turns out, she was chatting with her teacher at the time (She was in the 12th grade at the time since we were 8 months apart in birthdates) while i was in college. And to make matters worse, it used to be a big deal for me at the time since we went to the same high school together and a lot of things were happening around me. My innocence and the harsh reality of college was being hard on my mental state and this really did make matters worse for me, after the time of our breakup i was already interested in regaining my connections with people, and finding new hobbies and ofc getting into a dating phase with my soon to be love interest at the time. Thats when she told me first hand about her alleged "infidelity" with this teacher. To add insult to injury, my love interest at the time was apparently close with this teacher although there were no signs of grooming from what i can see. It just made things awkward and mentally unstable for me to respond or to at least inform her that my ex is doing some infidelity with her close teacher. So i decided to promptly distance myself from her, without any explanation as to why. I was too mentally exhausted to risk escalating things by informing her at the time, which was a very bad thing to think at the time looking back. I would say its my anxiety issues and trust issues acting up to defend what little i have left mentally to be completely honest.
As you guys can probably tell im being so down low about the whole thing, its because im a private person and my ex exploited that. She made sure i wont rat out on time so that she can spread the word first before i do. This really painted a bad image for me for my ex to spread around which made it impossible to defend or explain myself at all. Everyone really blamed me to a significant degree and they really did a good job hurting me specifically my ex, that up to this day still bothers me from time to time. I have a different life now and ofc happy with where im standing, i am also in a long term relationship in which im grateful for. But to be honest i sometimes regret not telling my friends and ofc my previous love interest which was my former best friend and close friend in time about the situation, i really did look like an asshole for seemingly ghosting people mid way as well in reconnecting and ofc showing romantic interest with someone i used to be interested with. I really dont care what my ex was spreading around regarding about me, but the same cant be said with how i lost people i held on so close to me. They were my childhood friends as well.
So, Am I The Asshole?
Edit: i reached out to people a few weeks back, but not my previous love interest. Some said it was my fault, others say its both. I also happen to find out that my ex made a nasty laundry list of everything she did not like about me/ what i did while we were in our relationship. Kinda funny that she mustered the courage to slander me whilst not even trying to raise the concerns to me directly before.
Feel free to ask me follow up questions in the comments section

stealing u/epiccabbage123 idea, feel free to ask any questions!!
FALL 2020
Adam Kane- WR120, first year writing, nonsense fiction. very fun class honestly with a lot of interesting discussions, and super interesting and thought provoking material with very interesting perspectives. recommend
Laura Brusetti- LI111, first sem italian, fun professor but tbh i was just in the class for lang requirement, but made learning the language easy and didn’t put a ton of pressure. recommend
Dan Dill- CH101, gen chem 1, i mean everyone knows dill what do i say, took it online which made it a lil easier tbh but i guess that may depend who you talk to. talks really slow and i felt like the book explained concepts better than he did
Mark Howe- NE101, intro to neuroscience, this class moves pretty fast and is very content packed, also took it online. i really enjoyed this class since i was super interested, but could be tough if you’re not. don’t think he teaches this class anymore tho (take it with gobrogge in the summer if he still does that!)
SPRING 2021
Walter Hopp- PH248, existentialism, idk this is where i found out academic philosophy wasnt for me, but jf you’re interested in the subject you’d probably like it, remember doing some kant and nietzche but i stopped reading the material halfway through the class tbh
Rita Cote- LI112 (2nd sem italian), LI211 (3rd sem), more difficult professor people say but tbh if you pay attention to the questions she asks they are the same she puts on oral exams and paper tests so just write them down in class and prepare an answer (if she hasn’t changed how she teaches)
Lucia Pastorino- NE102, Intro to cell and molecular bio, really great professor but i didn’t get to take her courses outside of this one and it was online, so i didn’t get to know her that well. class was great tho and she is a great lecturer, neuro department is great here. recommend
Binyomin Abrams- CH102, gen chem 2, explained things better than dill but still found the best help was reading the textbook, honestly just taught myself that one
Kyle Gobrogge- NE102 Lab, NE203 Lab (Principles of Neuro), NE456, the absolute goat, i love him to death. probably my favorite professor i’ve had and a huge part of what makes the neuro department great. truly cares about all his students and is willing to talk about anything and everything. will push you to reach your potential and it feels like he truly believes in you. he will open doors for you if you really want, and you can get anywhere you want if you want to work for it, he will offer paths to publish papers, undertake whatever experiment you can come up with that he has the facilities to support. they run a lab as well called the gobrogge teaching lab where he gave me access to whatever resources he could to come up with experiments and do whatever i wanted with them. very low pressure on the research as well, it truly felt like a perfect learning experience and through him i was able to start learning how to actually undertake research. take their sex and aggression class, it’s something everyone should be exposed to at some level and gives you an opportunity to talk about topics on human sexuality, neuroscience, philosophy, psychology, sociology, anything and everything freely and openly. i could go on for a while about them. highly highly recommend take any classes they’re teaching
FALL 2021
Cote, 3rd sem Italian, above
Rebecca Kinraide- WR152, Medical debates, seemed like a class but i wasn’t super engaged tbh. she was super nice though from what i remember and i don’t have any bad things to say about her
Jeff Gavornik- NE203, principles of neuro lecture, moves quick but i found it interesting, explains basic functions of the brain and builds a good foundation for future classes, he specialized in the electrical side of things so the class was slightly heavier in that aspect. felt like he explained things well though, didn’t go to office hours much so i don’t know him very well
huge shoutout to Caroline Dugan, think she is currently teaching NE203 lab which was easily my favorite lab class at BU. got to design our own experiment on fruit flies and this class has only improved since. you get access to some really powerful tools that you can do some really interesting things with. caroline was a LA when i took the class and she was always a great help, great at explaining concepts from lecture or lab and i highly recommend.
also huge shoutout to John Tullai, i didn’t have the pleasure of taking one of his classes directly since i did 203 lab under gobrogge, but every interaction I’ve had with tullai all the way through graduation has been great. another huge part of what makes the neuro department great, great person and great teacher. highly recommend.
Tracy Dunne- PS101, intro to psych, she was good but i wasn’t always super engaged and honestly wish i did a different minor. great professor though with interesting lectures and funny stories, i’d recommend if you are looking at this class
SPRING 2022
Zeynep Demiragli- PY105, physics 1, honestly felt like she went over some concepts a little too quick and found reading textbook to be really helpful to supplement, but was super nice and seemed to care about her students a lot.
David Somers- NE202, Intro to Cognitive neuro, this class was also interesting and he brought up a lot of interesting experiments, definitely have to study for this one. his lectures were engaging enough imo but not standout. recommend
Arash Yazdanbakhsh- NE212 (Intro to Matlab), NE204 (Intro to Computational Neuroscience), both classes are matlab, expects his students to do well and put in effort but is also more than willing to explain things to the most minute detail and repeat whenever you’re confused. go to office hours and ask questions, exams are open note and open internet as well so take notes and use them. his lecturing style is a bit different than most, instead of directly telling you information he tries to lead you there with questions and student input. he wants you to try to make the steps that people discovering these things did and think about everything is presented, he will give you all the information you need. recommend
FALL 2022
Paul Trunfio- PY106, physics 2, loved this man honestly, he wants his students to do well and will explain and answer any questions you have. gave great lectures and very accessible but also felt textbook material/assigned work pretty helpful. recommend
Brett DiBenedictis- NE333, drugs and behavior, really interesting class and he is a great lecturer, but the professors for this class change all the time. he gives a lot of detail and a very wide perspective outside of just how drugs work, but also touches on how they’ve impacted society. recommend if you get the chance
Steve Ramirez- NE337, Memory Systems, this man is incredible and i wish i got to interact with him more. leads a really interesting lab as well doing sick memory research. learned a ton in this class about how human memory works, things that can apply outside of just neuro knowledge but you can apply to your life. engaging lectures, funny professor with great stories and is great at explaining concepts. highly recommend.
Alice Cronin-Golomb- NE338, neuropsychology, learned some really interesting information in this class and she brought in some interesting guest lecturers. great lecturer herself, can expect a lot but is very informative. recommend.
SPRING 2023
Andrey Vyshedskiy, MET BI366, Neurobiology of Consciousness and Imagination, this guy is a genius, like seriously. go read his book, titled on the origin of the human mind, especially if you are interested in neuro and human evolution. he proposes a super interesting theory on what makes humans unique and is doing some really interesting research trying to examine his theory. unfortunately idk if you can get into this class anhmore unless you are in MET, and i took this class with 4 other people. super super interesting though and really pushed my understanding of the brain but also began to build a much more holistic overview of how the cortex works and how humans can do what we do. highly highly recommend and seriously read his book if you’re interested in this kind of thing.
Rachel Denison- PS222, perception, she seemed like a super sweet woman but i didn’t enjoy the class much, felt very surface level and memorization based honestly and i wasn’t engaged. also didn’t let students leave the classroom after finishing midterm/final until the whole allotted time was up even if you finished early so idk what that was about?
Michael Lyons- PS371, psychopathology, again i wish i did a different minor but old psych white guy vibes, seemed fine enough but lectures weren’t very engaging and felt like they consisted of either some random story that was only slightly related or reading off entries in the DSM
Stephen Prothero- RN106, Death and Immortality, this was the last class that he taught but i would recommend if i could. didn’t read much of the material but lectures were interesting and discussion based, even with a large class. impressed how they managed that tbh. recommend this class for more than just hub recs even tho we all know that’s what you’re taking it for
FALL 2023
Kyle Gobrogge, NE456, above
Kevin Barents/Jeremy Yudkin MH408/AM336, bob dylan: music and words, love these guys, lowkey penn and teller vibes but very interesting professors. class is super fun, listen to bob dylan and discuss his music, influence, life, ideas, whatever. recommend
Meg Younger- NE520, Sensory Neurobiology, great class and great professor. not only do you get to look at the groundbreaking discoveries in sensory neurobio, she teaches you how to read and digest scientific articles and prepares you to move into a lab. runs her discussion sections like a lab would run a journal club which i found super helpful. also will always engage with student feedback and is willing to challenge students if she doesn’t feel like we are putting in enough effort. really enjoyed her class and teaching style, this was a smaller class that allowed for open discussion and lots of perspectives. she also runs a really interesting mosquito lab investigating olfaction, so she has some really interesting insights there. highly highly recommend.
Kevin Gold, DS110, intro to Data Science with Python, good professor and chill dude, didn’t go to office hours so i didn’t know him much. cool class tho, helpful information to know and a good beginyning exposition to python and data science. recommend.
SPRING 2024
Arash Yazdanbakhsh, NE204, above
Leonidas Kontothanasis, DS210, Programming for Data Science, difficult and demanding class but good professor, gives some interesting stories in office hours and fun to talk to. good lectures but definitely need to do some reading outside of lecture as well. his class began to spark my interest in programming. recommend.
Tanima Chatterjee- DS120, Foundations of Data Science, seemed like a great professor but honestly i didn’t attend lecture much, seemed super nice from her recordings and didn’t actually require lecture attendance, gave really detailed lecture notes that were super easy to teach myself from. class itself was just basic topics in probability, proofs and logic, calculus, and linear algebra, i didn’t find it too difficult. she’s good at explaining concepts and if i didn’t take this class as a second semester senior i probably would have been more engaged. recommend.

🪞
Welcome back to the Asylum write-up, where we explore the decade-long slow-motion car crash that is the Emilie Autumn fandom.
Sorry this installment took so long to upload! Just a heads-up, I may take some time to deliver the last one too – these posts take forever to format on Reddit's finicky-ass editor, and my dumb real life is currently keeping me from precious Internet time. Thank you for your patience! You have my word that everyone who pre-ordered the final installment will receive a PERSONAL, HANDWRITTEN letter autographed and illustrated by me, a list of the snacks I consumed while composing this write-up, some exclusive behind-the-scenes secrets, and a pony.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4.1 – Part 4.2 Part 5

Places, everyone This is a test Throw your stones Do your damage Your worst, and your best (...) And if I had a dollar For every time I repented the sin And commit the same crime I'd be sitting on top of the world today (“God Help Me”, 2006🎵)

Quick recap of where we left off. First, there were five to ten halcyon years of pleasant and meaningful interactions between EA and her blossoming fanbase, prominently by way of her official forum. Then, circa 2009-2010, EA's online presence shifted towards sudden anger outbursts, ban-hammering, and an increasingly top-down communication style.
This created a sort of primordial rift within the fanbase, between those who supported EA's right to speak her mind and regulate her own fan spaces however she pleased – and those who thought that her reactions were rude and inappropriate (at best), and that even fan spaces should allow for reasonable, non-abusive criticism of the artist.
Between a poorly-handled book release (see Part 3), the controversial (Part 2) or dubiously true (Part 4) contents of said book, and serious shade from various former collaborators (Part 5), more and more fans had pressing thoughts about EA's work ethic and choices. EA attempted damage control through drastic forum rules that made it virtually impossible to voice any “serious” critical opinion. It didn't work, of course: instead of squashing the mutiny, she created a schism.
Critical fans and active haters started congregating on unofficial platforms.

“WITH MUFFINS LIKE THIS, WHO NEEDS ENEMIES?”: TROLL LIKE A GIRL

So here we were, the early 2010s. The official forum (which had about 700 members in 2006, if you recall) was now thousands-strong, reaching just over 12,000 registered users in 2012 – not all of them active, but still. In terms of sheer numbers and content creation, the party was POPPIN'... but increasingly in parts of the Asylum that escaped EA's jurisdiction, such as Tumblr, where they could speak their mind freely.

You play the victim very well You've built your self-indulgent hell You wanted someone to understand you Well, be careful what you wish for, because I do (“I Know Where You Sleep”, 2006🎵)

In one wing of Asylum Tumblr, a smattering of call-out blogs emerged, which laid out EA's various lies, faux pas, shitty takes, and general deep-seated terribleness in detailed timelines and screenshots (or, short of that, long-winded bullet points). While many such blogs framed it as “serious” whistleblowing and did their best to remain as fact-based and neutral as they could, there was some genuine disgust, animosity and creepiness towards EA on that side of Tumblr; for some ex-fans, “exposing the truth” was mostly justify obsessive hatred, prying and verbal abuse. Some, for instance, felt the bizarre need to side with EA's mother in their estrangement. (One user, with the URL “emilyautumnfischkopf”, argued in a serious and down-to-earth tone - but with zero sources - that EA's upbringing had been nothing but peaceful and supportive until she ungratefully kicked her loving family to the curb for no reason at all. They were later revealed 🔍 to have an alternate handle as “eaisalyingcunt”.)
Either way, through these blogs, a number of potential drama bombs that had mostly flown under the radar were dredged up from over the years – some of which were hard to ignore, even for supportive fans. Where to begin?
There was that nonsense in-joke song, captured twice on camera during the 2009 tour (to very little outrage, at the time), crassly called “Manatee Retard”📺. Or EA's scathing response, in print, to a wheelchair user who found it insensitive that she used a bedazzled wheelchair as a prop to do sexy acrobatics on stage. (“Your offence taken at my hard-won self-acceptance proves that I indeed have something to fight against”, she wrote). Spoken word tracks where she made trivializing knock-knock jokes about serious mental illnesses she didn't have, like schizophrenia and OCD. Multiple instances of calling Britney Spears a “bimbo” and a “Hollywood fucked-up”, resentfully claiming that she only shaved her head because she was “hopped up on drugs” and certainly not because she was “bipolar”, a word the press liked to wield as an insult anyway. (“That's almost like calling someone a retard!” Yeah, heaven forbid.) The meanest, most distasteful paragraphs in the book. Basically everything problematic EA had ever said or written.📝 In retrospect, it had been a long time coming, but it was a lot to take in – and certainly more off-putting, even to less emotionally invested fans, than silly lies about her age and last name.
In another wing of Asylum Tumblr, some fans had had it up to here and just wanted to have fun. 🎵 If Plague Rats had learned one valuable lesson from EA, it was how to crack a joke in the face of absurd tragedy – and the general state of the EA fandom certainly warranted a few.
In 2012, Fight Like a Girl was released. After six long years, three of which had been peaceful, the Opheliac era was officially over. The new album and ensuing tour confirmed that the Asylum had entered a process of glamorous Broadway-style militarization. 🎵📺
The mood board was “Roman general meets Vegas showgirl meets Victorian street urchin”.🪞 The color palette was, to naysayers, “musty pink and rotten, stale piss yellow”. 🐀 The keyword was “REVENGE” (through the power of... self-expression! sorority! brutal assault with rusty medical implements!). The chorus of the title song had an intriguing run-on line about getting “revenge on the world, or at least 49% of the people in it” 🎵 – which seemed like an awful lot, and was widely interpreted (to cheers, boos, or uncomfortable sighs) as a misandrist jab at literally all men on Earth.
The show was essentially a demo version of the musical, in that the setlist vaguely reflected the order of events in the story – but prior reading was essential in order to get what the hell was going on on stage. This one Broadway reviewer had not perused the literature before seeing the show 🔍, and hated: the set, the choreography, the skits, the plot, the lyrics, the music, the concept. (Seriously, you should read the review. It's not even my show and I feel like quitting show business.)
Pre-show VIP encounters, now violin-free, were lorded over by EA's new manager🐀, whose official title was “Asylum Headmistress”. (Interesting choice – she sounds fun!) The swag bags were less substantial than before, and the “greet” part of the meet-and-greet was rarely more than a quick hug and photo op.
On Twitter, EA continued to embrace her “I am very badass” fronting attitude...

Often wonder if cyberbullies r aware they’re fucking w/ a girl who’s BFs w/ maker of the SAW films & is marrying a knife-throwing scorpion. (🐀📝)

...and her taste for needlessly inflammatory statements. About an aisle sign in a supermarket:

If this does not infuriate you, then you're a fucking potato.

(Again with the confounding crypto-ableism, EA! 🔍) She also went through a phase of raging against Lady Gaga 📝, who had stolen her idea of using a wheelchair on stage as an able-bodied woman. 🔍 That failed to convince anyone that she wasn't the histrionic diva that haters made her out to be.
Spurred on by EA's rallying cries and “us vs them” mentality, loyalists turned the white-knighting up to 11. On Twitter, some Plague Rats got into cat fights with Lady Gaga's Little Monsters (what a time to be alive). Others tried to balance out the Tumblr negativity with initiatives like “Spreading a Plague of Love” – a “positive-only” confession blog, whose extreme fangirling, comically drastic rules and hyper-defensive tone📝 did not debunk the increasingly popular notion that “true Plague Rats” were a bunch of authoritarian and hopelessly brainwashed fanatics.
EA truthers and other anti-fans started lashing out at anyone who dared express any positive opinion of EA, solidifying claims that the backlash against EA was just a conspiracy of bitter, hysterical bullies.
All this to say: every passing day brought new reasons for fans to get mad at EA and each other, and everyone in the Asylum was in need of a laugh. It's not easy having a good time.🦠
Leading up to Fight Like a Girl and in the years that followed, user-submission-based meme blogs took off, most notably “Spreading a Plague of Lulz / Troll Like a Girl”. A lot of the early submissions were absurdist humor and toothless, cheezburger-Impact memes (a style that was, oddly, already dated at the time). Those often originated in good fun, and from loyal fans, on the official forum. But there was also true snark, satirizing EA's questionable ethics, outrageous claims, and easily spoofed artistic gimmicks. A new slang of Asylumspeak emerged: Glittertits (slight NSFW), GAGA!!, EA Gusta and all its memeface variants, Get outta mah house!, Are You Suffering?, Fight Like A Goat, [Random celebrity] copied EA (a subgenre in its own right), ...
Most of the “trolling” was directed at unrepentant bootlickers and, to a lesser extent, red-in-the-face haters and creeps. Meme blogs would post joke comments under “serious” or gushing submissions on Wayward Victorian Confessions, and taunt loyalist accounts by tagging them in their posts. When a few people complained on WVC that almost all of the Bloody Crumpets to date had been thin white able-bodied women, and a few fans responded by sharing their dream-casts for a more diverse line-up, the blog was flooded for days with confessions that “X should be a Crumpet” (candidates included RuPaul, Mitt Romney, Nicki Minaj, EA's therapist, and the WVC admins). Farcical shenanigans like that.
Ah, but some people will always cross the line, won't they. EA threads popped up on merciless, bully-friendly snark platforms like Lolcow, Pretty Ugly Little Liar, and Encyclopedia Dramatica. Snarkers with a mean streak and obsessive haters mingled in some of the more aggressive, 4-chan-spirited retaliation against EA – which would be called “brigading” in modern parlance. This included flooding EA's Goodreads page with one-star reviews (see part 4), repeatedly editing her Wikipedia page to include her legal name and birth year, and ensuring that Googling said name would bring up current pictures of her.
All of this compounded agitation fragmented the once-united fandom beyond recognition.🦠 Through substantial disagreements among fans, personal bickerings, layers upon layers of inscrutable in-jokes, and cross-platform telephone games, the Asylum morphed into a booby-trapped Escher room.
Satire blogs were taken in earnest. Earnest fan blogs scanned as satire. Memes would get called out as abuse. Appreciation without attached criticism would get mocked as bootlicking. Obvious jokes made by EA would be taken at face value. One divisive confession could trigger days and days of debate, to the point that WVC eventually banned confessions in response to other confessions. New waves of infighting created a confusing web of rival sub-factions🐀, each accusing the others of being toxic, cliquish, and delusional.
The shared fantasy was broken, the collective vision had crumbled, no onez was speaking the same language anymore. Fans would jump down the throat of other fans who held almost identical views about EA, except for that one thing she said or did that one time. Everyone had differing thoughts on what should or shouldn't acceptable to discuss, question, excuse, make fun of.
War is hell.

SCORCHED EARTH SHENANIGANS: HONEY, I SHRUNK THE ASYLUM

Would you tear my castle down Stone by stone And let the wind run through my windows Till there was nothing left But a battered rose? (“Castle Down”, 2003🎵)

Haters vs sycophants is not really the kind of conflict where one side can come out on top (if you're participating, you've already lost). But in the long tug-of-war between “grassroots” and “EA-sponsored” fan spaces, the ultimate winner is obvious – in that the former is gasping in agony, a shriveled husk of its former glory, while the latter... is non-existent. This is due in no small part to EA's tendency, like the Czars of old, to settle conflicts by setting Moscow on fire.🔍)
That's not entirely fair: unlike EA, the czar only did it that once.
By early 2013, as EA was gearing up for her third Fight Like a Girl tour at the end of the year, the official forum was... not as lively as it once had been. Not just because of the stifling rules and disgruntlement towards EA, or because EA herself hadn't really posted anything on there in years; the Internet was also changing, and forums in general were fast becoming passé.
This made it difficult for EA to create a safe space where she could talk to fans, and fans could talk to and about her, in a way she deemed suitable (ie, a space she could gate-keep and regulate enough to keep it completely free from negative criticism). Social media was a minefield; she still posted regularly, but didn't interact very much. So EA and the Headmistress came up with a way to filter out the unbelievers: an official fan club📝, aptly called the “Asylum Army”, with a $100 entry price.
Joining the AA came with a dog tag, a sew-on patch, and a lifetime membership certificate signed by EA and – for some reason – the Headmistress. (Unlike EA's best friend and sound engineer back in the forum's heyday, I don't think fans ever really embraced the FLAG-era manager as part of the Asylum in-group. She came across more as a coordinator / businessperson / adult chaperone, at best.🐀) So, slightly better goodies than you'd get by joining the other AA 🔍 ... but not by much. The main appeal was that members would have access to exclusive content, special merch, giveaways, early bird tickets for future shows, and regular video chats with EA.
The concept itself drew a fair amount of criticism, as you can imagine. Between the name🐀, the price, and the inherent gatekeeping of a pay-to-join fanclub, many balked at the monetizing of a concept that had once (like, three years back) been significantly more DIY, grassroots, and inclusive. 📝🐀
Then again, many also longed for a positive, drama-free space where fans could just be fans. And while the creation of the AA was generally recognized as a quick cashgrab, a lot of people were surprisingly cool with it. EA was trying to finance her dream musical, after all – although a number of fans wished she had gone about raising funds in a less sketchy way.
So around 400 fans shelled out (which, according to the Headmistress📝, “basically cover[ed] the cost of running the fanclub itself – keeping the database up, website, etc.”). Enough for a close-knit, but sizable community. But already, there was a conflict of interest: a high fanclub entry fee essentially demands that you pledge loyalty to the artist over loyalty to your fellow fans, who wish to join but can't afford to. Sharing, caring, and ensuring no one felt left out were some of the more positive values cultivated in the fandom... but leaking exclusive content would surely piss off other paying members🐀, and make EA feel betrayed all over again. (And she had barely just started to mellow out on social media!)
...But then again, this is the internet. After the first month of secret AA drops (lyric sheets, some photoshoot outtakes – nothing too juicy, really), there were, yes, some leaks. EA was predictably miffed, and retaliated by... ghosting the fanclub for weeks at a time in its first few months of existence (great look!). She eventually found the “solution” to her problem, by providing something you couldn't right-click-save (and which had been part of the promised perks to begin with): live interaction.
Over webcam, she was her usual in-person bubbly, charming, funny self. Everyone seemingly had a good time during the fanclub video chat, and this gave people faith and hope.
There were a few more events, giveaways, etc. As promised, ahead of the fall 2013 tour (the last one to date, it would turn out), AA members got priority access to show tickets and VIP bundles. The latter were much pricier than before, and only included soundcheck, a photo-op, and three goodies: a tin of loose-leaf tea, a signed printer-paper setlist, and a small flag that said “F.L.A.G.”.🔍 Some stuff continued to leak – but, as some of the outlaws pointed out (scroll down to the Disqus comments), they were mostly relaying information that was relevant to the entire fanbase, such as updates about ongoing projects (the dragged-out recording of the audiobook, for one).
In early 2014, lifetime memberships were closed, and replaced with monthly, quarterly and yearly subscription tiers. Bizarrely, you ended up paying $3 more per month if you bought a $99 yearly subscription📝 – but it did include the patch, dog tag, and piece of paper!

Sometimes I kind of want to be part of the cool kids and register to the Asylum Army. Then I remember how it came about, what you could get for the same price a couple years ago, how the whole thing was and is handled, and that I won’t support any of this bullshit. (And then I roll around naked in all the money I’m saving.) (🐀)

Still, a number of fans rejoiced at the affordable monthly option, and joined – if not for the exclusive content and merch (which were... okay, but not much to write home about), then for the friendly, drama-free exchanges with an artist they actually did love, in spite of all the frustration.
For the still-too-poor or still-undecided, there was always the forum! It wasn't as active as it used to be, but a few die-hards still managed to keep the lights on... until, inevitably, Someone Did Something and Ruined Everything. (Once again: EA's wrath is spectacular, but rarely completely unprovoked.) The incident features one notable figure in the Asylum community. Let's call him the Collector.
OK, so maybe you remember the meme I linked to in Part 4, with Christian Grey and the ginormous EA hoard. Well, that's the Collector's collection. The “Violin” promo that I called the "Holy Grail of the fandom" in the same paragraph? Also his. The handwritten lyrics that went for $940? Guess who won that auction. Over the years, the Collector had probably spent five figures on EA merch and shows, and although that fact was a little unsettling, he was a very active, easy-going, and generally well-liked fixture of the fandom.
One day in 2012, shortly after the Headmistress had replaced EA's old Chicago BFF as main forum admin, the Collector's account got banned or restricted over something dumb. When the ban wasn't lifted as quickly as he hoped, he took it... the way one takes things when one is unhealthily invested: he started spamming Headmistress and the mod team with increasingly rambling and abusive emails (lost to time, probably for the best). When that didn't work quickly enough, he tried a different route.
One of the many auctions that the Collector had won, some years prior, was EA's old iPod Touch📝 – which contained all of her favorite tunes and, buried somewhere in the data cache... a phone number. Which the Collector tried calling. And wouldn't you know it: EA picked up. She congratulated him on his sleuthing skills, listened patiently as he made his case, apologized for any distress caused by the unfair account restriction, and then they got married.
Kidding! She freaked the fuck out, hung up, and banned him for life from the forum and all EA shows and events.
After his ban, the Collector allegedly still tried to attend at least one VIP pre-show (one source in the comments says he was allowed to buy some merch, refunded for his ticket, and escorted out). He joined the Reform forum to bitch about EA and try to rally people to his cause, possibly made revenge posts about her on darker snark forums, and continued to hound the Asylum mod team. So in June 2014, EA came up with a radical and unexpected fix to the Collector problem.

The official Asylum Fan Forum has been shut down permanently. I have personally paid thousands of dollars each year to keep the forum safe and secure for you ... Unfortunately, the forum has not been kept safe and secure for me, a truth which disappoints me greatly, instead becoming a place where people who have physically threatened myself and my staff prey upon forum members, pressuring them to contact me and my staff on their behalf. If the gullible wish to humor my stalkers (who live in their parent’s basement at age 30 something) and thus put me in danger, they may do it on their own dime. They may also fuck off, because stupidity can kill, and I won’t be your victim. To those who enjoyed the forum, you know who to thank for its closure. (“On the closing of the Asylum Forum”)

Voilà! This is how a decade-long archive of shared history ends: not with a bang, but with a dirty delete and a sod-off communiqué.
The obliteration of the forum took everyone by surprise...

I was actually on the forum when it was taken down. I was navigating between posts and when I went to click on a different board, an error message came up. I honestly cried a little, I'm not ashamed to say. (WVC admin on Reddit, 2024)

...and I do mean everyone:

Chicago BFF / ex-admin, the next morning: Whoa, EA forum shut down? Ex-mod: It turns out that if someone spends enough years actively “waging war” to destroy what they can’t have, eventually they’ll be successful. * eye roll * Not even mods got prior warning. Just all the sudden, poof, gone. BFF: Really? She did not let the moderators know?! This is sounding worse and worse. Uggh. I’m so sorry. Such a loss. (...) Ok, threats are serious, but why not just put it in archive mode so no one can post? (...) Sad. I shall light a candle in the forum's honor. (Facebook posts; scroll down for screenshots)

It was a gut punch, especially for people who had poured countless hours into the community, or could have used some prior warning to save years of their own writing from the role-playing threads. One last chance to take a look around the place that had meant so much to so many.

From the wording of the announcement of closing the forum and a number of other things, it sometimes seems like EA doesn't like her fans much. :/ (🐀)

Three months after the forum was nuked, Battered Rose (a venerable EA fansite, which had been around since the Enchant era and had one of the most complete EA galleries online) announced that it was shutting down too.📝 The admin, who had also been a long-time forum mod, cited a lack of “time, energy, passion, or money” to keep the website going... and being upset at the sudden disappearance of the forum. It was, truly, the end of an era for the Asylum.
...Well, no point in living in the past. For those who could afford it, and still wanted to talk to/about EA after that (not everyone did 🐀), there was always the Asylum Army fanclub!
Over the summer of 2014, EA held regular live chats and Q&A's, and... many attendees really enjoyed them, and thought the AA was well worth the money after all. She also quietly parted ways with the much poo-pooed Headmistress around that time.

Just spent over 4 hours giggling, drinking tea and playing guessing games in chat with EA and other Asylum Army members ... No griping, no downers, just lots of fun. I think I like the way the ‘new fandom’ is going and now I’m really glad I finally decided to join the Army. (September 4, 2014🐀; Battered Rose had closed the day before)

The forum was lost forever, but perhaps that was a chance for a fresh start. Could this fanclub thing really be the Asylum Renaissance that fans had been longing for?

...I have come today to a very difficult but necessary decision, and that is to discontinue the Emilie Autumn Official Fanclub. The site itself, and the community chatroom, will remain open to you indefinitely, but I will no longer be making updates to the site. (Newsletter, September 8, 2014📝)

...Never mind, then.
Turns out the fanclub had been the Headmistress' idea all along. EA had been reluctant from the start, and although she really enjoyed the live chats with a safe community of people “who are there for the right reasons”, she couldn't overcome her fundamental discomfort with the concept. Lifetime and regular members would receive a bunch of digital downloads and a -35% coupon on the Asylum Emporium for their troubles. EA said she would definitely pop back once in a while for live chats, for free, just for fun, but to my knowledge, she never did.
And so the most devoted fans were left standing in the rain...

She is happy, she made it. She is fulfilling her dreams, found love and happiness after all the pain. I understand that she now doesn’t need “us” anymore ... That doesn’t change the fact she broke my heart with taking the Asylum Army and the forum from me. Yet, I am happy for her. (🐀)

...while naysayers pointed and laughed, Nelson-style.🦠

I don’t feel sorry at all for the people that paid for the Asylum Army fan club. Most of them knew that EA is an atrocious business woman and has broken many promises before. In fact, I laugh at them. They seriously thought that EA would actually stay consistent with this? (🐀)

EVERYTHING MUST GO: THE ASYLUM WHOLESALE

EA fans were left without an “official” home for about three years. This gave them plenty of time to be annoyed at EA for: not releasing the audiobook on time, not materializing any new project for a while... and the new sin of peddling random, ridiculously marked-up AliBaba jewelry as “merch” on her official store. Think faux-antique cameo pendants and $30 Big Ben rings (...because the Asylum story is set in London, get it?).

The whole accessories section looks like a tacky overpriced English souvenir shop. (🐀)

The fanbase lost a lost of steam in those in-between years, because there wasn't much to stick around for. As evidenced by the positive reception of the AA live chats, even in the midst of unresolved drama, out-loud interactions in a friendly environment have always been EA's saving grace. Considering the amount of online hate, there are shockingly few accounts of bad IRL encounters with EA: most people say that in live conversation, she comes across as a fun, warm, and genuinely sweet person. Some report that their negative opinion shifted after meeting her.
But there were no chats or live shows anymore. There was only social media, where she ignored questions and vague-posted about overdue projects – and the newsletter📝, which was all saccharine love-bombing to promote bland dropshipped trinkets. For fans who remembered the handcrafted merch (and two-way communication) of the early years, it was a bitter pill to swallow.

CONTINUED IN COMMENTS

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Hey everyone! Random Appalachian here. I just wanted to check back in with you all and provide some updates, as well as some exciting, if personal, news. I have to type this quick, as my work break ends soon, so pardon any typos, grammatical errors, or weirdly structured sentences.
For those of you who don’t know, I’m a park ranger in real life, and work at a wildlife reserve in Ohio. We’ve been having some issues with vandalism in our northern woods for a few months, and despite our best attempts, haven’t been able to find the culprit. It’s been immensely frustrating, especially when more paint has shown up on more trails, ranging from slashes, lines, and crosses, to dots and even letters. Normally we wouldn’t get too bent out of shape over a few trees being painted, but it’s well over 60 at this point, and widespread throughout the forest. None of the official people who help us maintain the trails in that area say they are responsible, and yet many of the markings seem to be blazes for trails. However the markings are at times absurdly close together, or in abstract places that make no logical sense. One “trail” is no more than perhaps 30 yards long and runs right along a massive clearing in a semi-circle, within plain sight of the clearing, and goes to nowhere; it goes into the woods, and pops back out into the clearing only 30-ish yards away. Most of our established trails that have been painted already have well-made trail markings of our own, and the trails are well-blazed. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to why these things are there at all. I don’t think it’s anything sinister, though the painter has left his/her paint cans in the woods before, so at the very least, they’re a litterbug. There is the concern about potential poaching, which can be a problem in our area. Sure, deer and turkey are commonplace in my rural community, but they are only that way because of conservation and game laws that keep populations intact. Local hunters play a big part in conservation, and if someone starts taking more than their fair share through poaching, that means less for everyone else, and upsets the balance of things. The sad thing is, unlike legal hunters who often hunt for meat for their families, (food is expensive nowadays) poachers usually do it for trophies, antlers, or ‘fans’ from the turkey tail-feathers. But our painter has yet to take any game to our knowledge. We’ve found no gut piles, blood, or discarded gear anywhere. So, if he’s not poaching . . . what on earth does he want?
Then a few weeks ago, we did find a camera inside our central perimeter.
To put this into perspective, we have roughly 10,000 acres to our little reserve. Only 1/3 is fenced in, containing our exotic animals for our tours, and our buildings that we use to operate. Offices, mechanical garages, barns, and storage sheds, that sort of thing. Usually if we have trespassing issues, it's in the northern woods, which is open to the public for walking/biking trails. Sometimes in the southern prairie reserve we get some wanderers, but it's pretty open, so people tend to shy away from it. But our interior, the central area, most of which is fenced in, is sacred ground for us. We have a children’s camp in there for kids to learn about nature, we have our animal barns, and even some staff housing. For people to walk around in there would be like a stranger walking through your bedroom at night, while you’re in the shower.
Not cool. Not cool at all.
One of our ecology survey teams found the camera in a lesser-used section a mile or so north of the children’s camp. Naturally, they assumed it was one of ours, until one of the staff innocently asked another ranger why we’d put a camera by that lake. When the ranger told her that we didn’t have any cameras there, it began to sink in.
We either have two trespassers, or the painter has decided to move his game further into our land.
I’m hoping it’s the former, that I’m overthinking things, but after all, the mystery painter had to have seen a few of the trail cameras we put up in the north to catch him. Could he be doing this as a form of tit-for-tat? I don’t know, but it’s got us rangers frustrated, and our ecology team is spooked. It was fun and games in the unpopulated north, but now he’s getting close to our people, our guests, and our animals. This is serious now. We removed the camera, but there’s not really much we can do without more patrols, more cameras, and more rangers. With our budget already restricted, the last part just isn’t possible.
My foray into trail cameras yielded no results as to a culprit. In fact, the day I came in early to pull them out of the field, it seemed nothing went right. Only two came off the tree, as I forgot the keys for the locks for the other two. I couldn’t find the last one at first, and darkness fell before I could locate it, so that I was wandering around in the northern district in the blackness searching for it. Inadvertently this helped me find the camera in the end; I saw the red light flash as it took my picture and was able to retrieve the SD card. It was in my long return trek to the patrol truck that I discovered the marks on a remote trail I hadn’t walked yet. A capital O and a capital N were scrawled in various places, with dots over the letters. I took German in university, so I know they aren’t grammatical marks from that language, known as umlauts (pronounced as “oomlout” for my fellow English speakers; for all my German speakers, if I spelled that wrong, I apologize). I’d left my phone in the truck (stupid rookie move for a seasoned ranger, I know) so I couldn’t take any photos, and didn’t want to follow the trail too far in the pitch dark. I had a flashlight with spare batteries, as well as my gun (I’m not a complete moron after all) but I didn’t have time to do much exploring, since I had other duties in the park that were waiting on me. I had some VIP’s that were coming in late, and had to be escorted, which meant I had to clamber back to my truck, swatting at mosquitos the whole way. Nothing on the cameras showed any definitive proof, though we might have a lead on a guy with a bow case on his back. Could be nothing though; it’s not illegal to wear camo or carry things, and it could very well have been a camera case, a backpack, or an empty bow case.
In any event, we rangers are working on a strategy for changing up our patrol routes and putting more cameras in the field, as well as checking in on the children’s camp frequently throughout the night. So far, this mystery person hasn’t actually hurt anything that we know of, but even if this is just local kids having a prank, it’s not funny anymore.
Anyway, on to the other news. For the aforementioned reasons, as well as others, I’ve been super swamped this past month, and so writing on the third book in the Barron County trilogy has been slow. I wanted to release it at the beginning of June, but at this rate, I’m going to have to push that back to late June, possibly early July. I hate to think I’ve disappointed you all, but it’s just not ready yet. That, and I’ve been busy with something else . . . something big.
I’m getting married next week.
It’s been a long time coming, but my fiancé and I are super excited. We’ve known each other since kindergarten and have been best friends since forever. We’ve both been running like chickens with our heads cut off to get everything ready, and naturally, we’re both exhausted/somewhat nervous. Our honeymoon will require some flying, and since my fiancé has never been on a plane before, that’s a point of nervousness for her. I’m sure she’ll be fine once we’re in the air, but until then, she’s a bundle of nerves.
All that is to say, I am working on the story, it’s just taking a bit. I cannot wait to get back into the swing of things for all of you and thank you again for your supreme patience in this. You guys and gals are great, and entertaining you all is a massive privilege. Stay tuned for the third installment of the Barron County trilogy, and the epic conclusion of Hannah Brun’s journey into the unknown! Until next time.

Tier List: https://imgur.com/a/SPm0Fjl
This one hits different. Right from the start, with those ominous vocals giving the whole thing a feeling of foreboding and momentousness. Donald Trump lurking around the stage for his titlecard, even staying onscreen as his titlecard goes away is hilarious and a great visual touch. Then we get Hillary sitting in her debate chair; this battle committing so hard to a location both rappers are present in is pretty unique.
"I've been in this game too long; I'm a public servant! Have been since I met MLK in person!" Serviceable opening on paper, but the guest actor, Kimmy Gatewood, makes it stick out with her performance. Love the intensity of her voice and facial expressions. "I'm a woman of the people; that's for certain. You're a man of the people who don't like turbans!" This is a great line, very accurate, and I love the look on Hillary's face. "I was living in the West Wing while you were professional wrestling. Got skin like Russian dressing from too much Russian investing!" Good lines, in particular I really dig the Russian dressing/Russian investing parallel. Also, while I don't think Kimmy bears a super strong resemblance to Hillary Clinton(the guest actress from Clinton v. Henry VIII was much more on-point) she does look a lot like her as she does the Russian dance in the background. Something about her wide-open smile. "You been going bankrupt since the 90s; if I was in Iran you couldn't find me." Very true on both counts, very solid line. I don't know what more there is to say. Is it gonna be controversial to acknowledge the reality that Trump's gone bankrupt lots of times and probably couldn't point to Iran on a map, even now that he's been president? "You don't care about the job, Trump, you just think the desk is shiny." I think it's accurate that Trump really only cares about the prestige, but this still seems like a pretty weak attack. Hell, you could argue the vast majority of presidential candidates care more about the prestige than actually doing anything. "I said that I respect your children but that wasn't quite right, yo! Looking like some extras on American Psycho!" This line is pretty fucking great. I didn't get it when this battle first released, but I've seen American Psycho more recently, and comparing the Trump kids to the useless trust fund posers surrounding Patrick Bateman is hilarious. The hyper-aggressive hip thrusting Hillary's doing is also a great visual. For the most part this portrayal doesn't resemble Hillary much, but I think there's some truth in how she's portrayed as being very try-hard here. "First name is Hillary, middle name Rodham, last name is Clinton, and lyrics I got 'em! You fire celebrities on The Apprentice, motha fucka I fire Bin Laden! (Crack!) cough" Being tryhard again. The lines are pretty good, the flow is pretty good. The reference to her coughing is a fun touch. "How do I say this? You're racist! Ooh, you must get so pissed that your hands are too small to stop and frisk!" The asking/answering of that question at the beginning is really funny, and I like the way they worked Trump's small hands into this attack on him for being racist. "So you use your fingers to touch chicks. (She's only 12 years old.) That's enough, shit! (But she's married, sir.) Just gotta get pushy. (That's your daughter.) Well, grab her by the pussy!" One of the highlights of the battle, love the way they worked in the secret service agent here. Pointing out Trump being a creep at child beauty pageants and towards Ivanka are great lines of attack. "That's assault, brotha! Don't tell me the victim's at fault, sucka! You don't know shit about steaks! Yucka! But the ones on the 8th are great! Motha fucka!" Really fun delivery, good attacks, I like that they threw the Trump Steaks jab in between the more serious sentiments. I don't know what the fuck is going on with the background in this section, though they're really going hard on the tryhardness of Hillary. "Better save the date; I'm gonna rock the vote! Bad bitch on the scene like Murder, She Wrote!" Hillary trying to compare herself to that character is pretty cringe, as is highlighted by her attempting to dab with the biggest "look, aren't I cool, kids?!" look on her face. Real "Pokemon Go to the polls" moment. "So go ahead, Donald, let me see you flow. I brought Michelle's speech; borrow some quotes!" It's a pretty great line, though this line is moreso an attack at Melania than Trump himself; she should have ended with a more Trump-focused attack.
"Let me just say I respect all females. But your rhymes are trash; put 'em next to your emails." The first line is funny in how flagrantly untrue it is, the second line is just plain funny. Good opener. "Our country's in crisis. Who wants to vote for the mother of ISIS? That might not be exactly true, but I don't do politeness." Trump talks out of his ass and lies a lot, yes. "(Believe me!) You wanna talk about misogyny? Your Bill's worse than Cosby! He left a mess on that dress like you left in Benghazi!" The comparison of the rapist Bills is a great line, and I'm not sure whether the whole Benghazi thing was actually something that was Hillary's fault or just a Fox News talking head talking point, but it's a good line regardless. Also by this point it's clear that Lloid's Trump impression is on-point, much better than Peter's. "(Terrible!) You wanna break the glass ceiling, Hillary, I sense it. But the only crack you'll find is my ass pressed against it." The gesturing Lloid is doing during the "I sense it" line is fucking hilarious. The second line is also pretty funny, and did turn out to be true. "The numbers are in and I'm right on your tail. You don't have the stamina, baby, you're frail! This will be just like '08 when you fail! But Trump will appoint you to jail!" Fun parallel to Hillary's "First name is Hillary" segment from before going on here. The lines themselves are fine, nothing amazing. The second-to-last one turned out to be true, the last one did not. "How do I say this? You're a 2. And you almost lost the primary to a socialist Jew!" It's pretty funny how Trump mimics Hillary's "How do I say this?" bit, and "you're a 2" is such a simple but funny jab. He's got a point that Hillary was so weak a candidate that Bernie Sanders came outta nowhere and was able to put up a serious competition in a race that was supposed to have no real competition for her. "What do the American people gotta yankee doodle doo, to get it through your fat face, that they're just not that into you?!" The use of 'yankee doodle doo' is funny and he's got a real point that Hillary needs to accept she's very unpopular, though that 'fat face' line is such a pot calling the kettle black moment. No doubt intended as such. "They want a strong male leader who can stand up to China! Not a crooked, little, wishy-washy bleeding heart vagina!" These lines, of course, exist purely to point out that Trump is a giant sexist. The "China, China, China... bloody vagina!" in the background is a very funny touch. Little bits like that just add so much to this battle. "I'm gonna run these streets like I run my casinos; more police and less Latinos!" These lines, of course, exist purely to point out that Trump is a giant racist. "While you bury us in debt buying poor people socks, I'll create jobs, tearing down mosques!" Trump is against programs that help the impoverished and hates Muslims. "Then I'll use all the best rocks from the site to build a wall, dip it in gold and make Mexico pay for it all!" The thing Lloid does with his eyes as he smiles when he says "build a wall" is just... SO Trumpian. This really is one of the greatest Trump impressions I've ever seen, Lloid did an amazing job. As for the line... Trump says he's gonna build a wall. He built a partial wall. A partial, really unimpressive wall. "I'll make this country great again! We'll all be living large! And I'll tell Congress you're fired, and put Charles in charge!" Trump's slogan is MAGA and Charles in Charge was a TV show whose main actor is a Trump supporter. Also apparently there was a Supreme Court judge named Charles Trump once wanted nominated. Alright. "'Cause this whole system's rigged! And we all know the riggers! For the last eight years this country's been run by- (CAW!)" The point of this line is that Trump is a giant racist. I like the touch that the crowd is cheering wildly for Trump while Hillary looks disturbed in the background.
Then Lincoln comes soaring in on an eagle, as he did in Obama v. Romney. "Are you fucking kidding me with this blah blah blah? I've half a mind to feed you both to my oversized - (CAW!)" The use of 'CAW!' as a censor is amusing. "I've heard more thoughtful discussion up in TMZ! You two got brother blocking brother on their Facebook feed!" This isn't fun anymore, it's just real. "I'm so sick and tired of this ridiculous shit! If this is the best my party gets, then my party should quit!" The Republican Party is a nightmare and Lincoln would be ashamed of it today, is what is being said. "I'm sorry, did I say something that you found funny? Wipe that creepy-ass smile off your face and beat this dummy!" Clinton is a shitty politician who didn't take Trump seriously enough, and she comes across as cold and inhuman. And in case you somehow failed to pick up on it before, ERB makes clear here their endorsement for which candidate to vote for. "And if she does win the White House, be a man and hold the door. Don't get your fans stirred up in some sorta Twitter civil war!" Too real, especially after January 6th. "Here's an equal opportunity smack down in the sequel! That's of the people, by the people, for the people, eagle!" Some people have debated whether Lincoln slapped Trump twice in place of slapping Clinton at all because he's a gentleman and wouldn't hit a woman, or because ERB favors Clinton over Trump. The latter is definitely true, but the former is also probably true. So... both! Then Lincoln yells "Eagle!" and fucks off.
Let's talk about bias. There's two camps of people I've seen in discussions about certain ERB battles, especially this one, and they both irk me. So let's address both of them.
First off: YES, ERB is biased against Trump. And are biased against Republicans generally, and much more sympathetic to the Democrats. They've made that completely obvious from the beginning. And you know what? That's totally fine! They're right to be biased against them! But for some reason, some people in the fanbase can't just admit that. For some reason, there's a lot of people in the fanbase who will bend over backwards trying to explain how it's actually totally unbiased(false) and they attack both sides equally(false) and people complaining are being salty(true). But if you think ERB is unbiased, then society has failed you, because you are a woeful media illiterate. They're screaming Vote for Hillary, Don't Let Trump Win! at you and somehow you haven't managed to decipher what they're saying. I hope for your sake you're, like, twelve years old if you actually think they're unbiased. Here's an important lesson for you to learn as you grow up: 'biased' does not equate to 'bad'! For example, you SHOULD be 'biased' against Hitler! If you look at someone like Hitler and compare him to someone like MLK and treat them as equally valid figures whose ideas are both worthy of consideration, then you're at best a useful idiot and at worst a Nazi apologist! Stop feeling like you have to defend ERB's honor by feverishly denying any claims of bias!
But even worse than those jokers are the fuckers who love to bitch about how ERB has gotten "too political" or "too woke" nowadays. NEWSFLASH, DUMBASS: the very FIRST battle was John Lennon vs Bill O'Reilly, and Bill O'Reilly literally says "Because I'm evil! Heart blacker than Don Cheadle!" Their very foundation as a series is shitting on Republicans! They didn't suddenly 'go woke' just because they stopped doing gay jokes and shat on Trump even more explicitly than they already did to Romney.
Anyway, I've got mixed feelings about this battle. The 'mixed' part of those feelings come from how heavy it is; I have to be in a certain mood to want to listen to this, and most times I see this pop up in my playlist I just skip on to the next one. It's uncomfortable. It's real. Maybe a little too real. But then again, maybe they were right to take it so seriously. It's still a great battle, even if it can be a little hard to come back to. The only big flaw I think is present is that Lincoln coming in at the end is kind of a drag. It was funny the first time; this doesn't recapture the magic. He doesn't really have any great lines either. I tend to stop listening by the time he comes in. But besides that, this battle has an amazing instrumental track, great visuals, peak performances from both Lloid and Kimmy, and good, sometimes great, writing.
I used to think Trump won this battle despite always having been anti-Trump. Revisiting it now, I'm not sure why I thought that. Maybe it was because his part was just so entertaining, even moreso than Hillary's. Maybe it's because I, like many others, harbor a strong resentment and bitterness towards Hillary Clinton(muh Bernie) that would lead me to not be entirely honest about her performance here. Maybe it's just because that hardly anybody said Clinton won back in the day; Trump had either a majority or a clear plural majority of votes in polls, then Lincoln with a fair amount, then Clinton with a small fraction. Now I see that that is utter bullshit. The only reason anybody votes for Lincoln is either because of the Last Word Effect or because they want to be centrists about it and not side with either candidate; even if you could argue he was the best part of Obama v. Romney, here his verse falls well short of both Clinton and Trump's. On the question of Clinton v. Trump... I can kind of see how someone might think Trump won on account of how hilarious he was, but the joke is often on him with those lines. And if we're being honest I think Clinton had better burns and more substantive lines of attack. I say Clinton>Trump>Lincoln.
inb4 someone says I got "too political" in my presidential election battle analysis

Throwaway because some of the people in this story know my real reddit.
I (25M) am married. My wife (28F) and I are separated, and will probably, eventually, divorce. She lives in the Midwest, I live in New York. She's close (geographically) to her parents, I'm an immigrant and all the people I love live so far away they may as well be on the moon. My likely soon-to-be ex-wife and I have a decently good relationship - there wasn't any big fighting before the split. She just didn't like me anymore. According to herself, she still cares a lot about me and wants to see me do well and be happy. She wants us to remain friends, but plainly I don't fucking want to. It makes me violently sick to my stomach to imagine myself bearing witness to the woman I loved getting together with some other dude, no matter how much she says she "doesn't think about it in terms of betteworse, just 'right' for her". This is important context.
I have a good career making alright money (enough to live on, at least - not many luxuries) in probably the most prestigious institution of its kind in the US. I graduated from a meh university in a field I never intended to work in. I'm not anything special at my job, just an office drone that occasionally plans events for my section of the company, but it's a hell of a thing to put on a resume. I don't have many friends here in NY outside of my cubicle buddy - lots of acquaintances that I make at the bar every time I go, because people love me when I'm wasted and funny, but nobody that stuck around after I stopped drinking for fitness reasons. I live in a tiny bedroom in an apartment shared with 4 people. I don't go out to save money. I occasionally engage with my hobby, which is scale models of military stuff, but lately I've had little will to do so. I spend close to 1/4 of my salary on a personal trainer, because I can't get the idea out of my head that my ex dumped me for not being hot enough, and I spend two hours every morning before work and three hours on Saturday at the gym, which is basically my main hobby right now. All this is to say, I'm a vain boring guy with no friends stuck in a shitty office job.
I wasn't like this when I was younger. I went to every party back in my hometown. Every time I visited on Spring Break or Summer people would fall over themselves to invite me to parties, when I left for college at 18 something like 200 people got together to burn an effigy of me as a big joke farewell. I was somebody. Every time I used to talk about this to my STB ex, she would get this look on her face like I was telling her I used to do heroin and crack. She's very proper, very ladylike, very respectable. I used to do keg-stands and break into abandoned water parks to smoke weed and graffiti the walls. I also come from a respectable family, so I had triple pressure between my parents and my sister and her to become an upstanding member of society. So now I don't do any of the shit that used to make me happy, and I'm no longer with the person who used to make me happy. It's not even like I can go back to doing that, either - my alcohol tolerance plummeted, I get bad hangovers since I turned 23, and I just don't really *feel* like it anymore.
My best friend back home and I were military otaku. We were always going off about how we'd join the French Foreign Legion together, or the Spanish Legion, or whatever mercenary army would take us. Back then I was out of shape so it was a pie in the sky dream, literally teenage bullshit. My best friend recently lost his long term girlfriend to leukemia, and he called me to tell me he's going to go enlist in the Spanish Legion. I knew he was telling me because he wants me to go with him. The way I am now I could absolutely crush the physical portion of enlistment and being that I have no criminal record and a college degree, the other requirements are taken care of. Absolute worst case scenario, this being the military, I get shot or blown up and die or end up disabled. Best case scenario, I survive the tour and get to live in Spain, with a nice climate, people of a familiar and less friendless culture, and lots of cultural things I like to do. Compared to here, even if I have no friends over there, I could at least go watch my favorite football team play on a regular basis.
Every time I've told my family that I want to go back home, they freak out, because they think I have the perfect life, making shitloads of money working in a super-prestigious office, helping the needy, in the "world capital", so I know that if they found out that I ditched all of that to go march around in tight green pants for a flag that isn't even mine they'd likely disown me. My stb ex-wife also would probably freak out. They all think I have such a great life, that this was all a great opportunity and that I'm living the dream, and yet I'm miserable and lonely and literally purposeless. I just wake up every Monday and go put in a shift at a place I couldn't give less of a shit about and go home to do nothing except play FIFA and chat with my guys on Discord. If I just fucking die over there, I don't have to see my ex build her life without me. I thought Midwest-New York would be enough miles. It isn't. If I leave, I would just get rid of all my devices and tell my friends back home to tell my sister, who would probably filter it to everyone. I want to just disappear and be unreachable so I don't have to hear about their happy lives ever again.
Would I be the asshole if I ditch this supposedly perfect life to follow my friend into the military of a country that isn't ours in a completely different continent? Would I be the asshole for rejecting the "opportunity" to live the way I live?

I choose this platform to say sorry to a person I hurt 15 years ago. I know we have our own lives today but I would like to take the courage to say sorry. For me to also move on and validate the feelings I had this moment. I'm not a good writer but I want to share my story. Do you guys experienced having no memory of a certain situation in your life? It's like you remember the person but not fully apprehend what "really" happened to both of you? Seems like there is a missing puzzle in the big picture? It happened to me and realized everything after all the embarrasing things I did. I was like acting the victim before and not knowing I am to blame after all. Year 2023 when I came back in my country, I'm working overseas by the way. As I went home, I declutter my personal things and there I saw some letters wayback 15years ago. Letters during our retreat activity college days. I read all their sweet messages and I stumbled to read a letter written by my crush. After reading his short and sweet letter I'm sobbing. Tears rolling down my cheeks and asking myself, what was my reaction when I read his letter before? Like what did I do?!! Did I read this? I'm thinking so hard searching for answers in my head about his letter but got no answer. It was so vague to me that I cannot find the answer I'm looking for in my mind and in my memory. All memories and emotions were bleak during that specific time. Throughout the day, all I'm thinking about was his letter. Thoughts like, yeah, I do have a crush on him during college days and it is too impossible that I disregarded that letter. I'm thinking crazy things already about his letter yet I cannot remember what really happened. I contacted my close friend who's been with me since college. She's like my sister from another mother who knows everything since college days. I started the convo sending her the letter he wrote for me and instantly she recognize who wrote it. She even ask me what did I do when I read the letter before or did I even bother to read the letter? I told her I cannot remember what I did before but one thing that's clear to me was our friendship seemed to drift away even before the graduation day. That's why I was'nt able to contact him after graduation day till up to present. Thinking, I was just the girl who just learned that the guy I like before, liked me back after reading the letter, my friend give me a silly suggestion of giving him a PM. Yes, we are classmates, friends during those days. He was on my list of friends in my socmedia yet after all this years, I never sent him a PM. I just wanted to say hi but I'm too embarassed to do it. Overthinking stuff and crazy ideas crossing in my mind. Then all of a sudden I saw in my screen 11:11am, immediately type hi and hit send button. Feeling embarassed that I pm-ed him first at the same time doubting if he still knows me, I'm too anxious in wanting to have or not to have a reply from him that time. Morning the next day upon checking my phone I got a reply from him, 👍 at 5:55am. Being weirdo again all I did was to talk to myself early that morning to give him a reply or not. I'm thorn of doing so or what. Then I just decided to give him a message of asking how is he, introducing myself, hope he's doing okay, message him because of blah, blah then wishin him luck and good day. Ugh, still embarassed. I thought it will be the end of our convo but he replied back saying he's doing okay. He remember me saying I'm his classmate and I'm happy that he's doing good now in his new career. He also ask how I'm doing and what do I do these days. We exchange 4-5 convo until he stop responding. I'm like yeah, that's it. I'm sure he's busy and I understand his profession demands time but I also want myself not to expect anything in REALITY. I'm being too emotional as of the moment that all I got to think was him and his letter creating imaginary things between us. I'm a rational person so as I pacify myself and calm down the thoughts in my mind, I decided to write everything in my journal. As I write down my thoughts, the question of how's and why's, slowly I remember everything that happened 15 years ago. I clearly remember the thoughts I had, the decisions I made and how I ghosted him.
Circa 2009. 4th year college. I have a guy friend who's my classmate during 3rd year since we were block section. He's also my block groupmate. Maybe we became close because we were together most of the times. He's tall, lanky, sweet, caring, funny and brainy. He's the type of guy who only bring a notebook in the room, I never saw him with a bag in normal schedule of classes but hey he always pass. And as a cheapskate college girl, I used to take down notes and do everything as I can to not spend extra penny. I become aware of him being sweet to me by borrowing my notes saying she can understand my handwriting, sitting beside me on classes where sitting position is not required, going to library doing group activities, walking side by side in school aisle and seeing him giving me a sweet smile. Getting him caught staring at me then he will just smile mirorring his eyes. It seems like normal things right? But I can sense there is something behind those small gestures. I also shared this to my friend that I can sense there is something about him but he never confirm anything at all. He was never even bothered when he knew one of my girl friends told him she had a crush on him. I got a little jealous during that time, I even got jealous on her friends that were beauties during college days. He was a friendly guy but knows how to be a gentleman. Since, no admission of feelings in his part we continued to be good friends, him still giving the same care and treatment to me. I can't remember if it was 2nd trimester when we had our retreat activity. It was months also before our graduation day and then after that will have our in-house review for upcoming board examination. Everyone is excited to attend the retreat because we can give a rest on our tired minds. We rented a good place with a perfect weather during that time. During our last day, the last task given to us is write a letter to each person in your group. He was my groupmate during the retreat. We can read the letter after the activity or if we have time to spare. I decided to read mine when I got home. Me and him are still good during that time. When I arrived home, I started reading their letter, I read his letter last. His letter goes like this,
A_____, " I have met you on a cloudy Monday and now you never knew how much I loved the rain." Your a gentle child and very sincere. You are very concern to all the people around you and thats what make you different from others. You can carry things up and I know you can make it. Goodluck and Godbless. I am just on yourside waiting for you to tap me and call my name.
I'm shocked yet relieved knowing that what he's doing towards me is confirmed in his letter. It might be a indirect confirmation but I think it still says so. I'm happy to know he's not just a friend caring for me but someone special who took care of me all this time. But as my happiness took over me, that feeling of anxiousness and cowardice envelops my entire body. Confessing his feelings, then now, what? What will happen in our friendship? How do I face him, as I am shy girl before? If I tell him I like him too, what will happen to us? Graduation day is in the corner, inhouse review is giving us pressure, licensure examination will happen in next few months and I need to focus, to study to pass the exam. Those were my concerns at that time. So, I made up my mind. Without giving him any answer, without telling him what I have in my mind, without him knowing what I really wanted to say despite the concerns I had in mind. I let him go without telling him what I feel towards him that time. Following days at school, I started avoiding him. I dare not to look at him directly in his eyes. I never got to talk to him about his letter. And as days passes by giving him same treatment and distance, I saw him once looking at me, his eyes saying like giving up. From then on, our friendship drifted off. I never got to talk to him in our graduation day, even in succeding events after our licensure exam. I did pass my licensure, he also did. I'm not expecting he will talk to me or greet me if ever we crossed our path again. He was my first love. But I never give him the chance. There might be a future for our relationship but I never gave him a chance. To my lovecrush, I am sorry for ghosting you, for not giving you a chance, and for leaving you hanging-up. I know I'm a big coward, selfish, self centered and faint hearted person when it comes to you. Confessing and telling you what my heart wants before will NOT/NEVER change anything now. But I wanted to say this for me to let go of the feelings that I still have for you. Lovecrush, I like you too. I care for you too. I did become a scaredy cat before telling you my true feelings are but know that after all those days knowing you like me too, I always think of you. The heartbeak I give to myself and to you, left me no choice but to suppress the pain and convince myself to forget the painful choice I made. Thank you for letting me feel how special I am in my own way. Thank you for being my green flag.❤️ Thank you for being warm, caring, thoughtful and loving friend.🥰 Now, I will never ever forget the memories we shared before even if it brings joy and pain. It is now my treasure. Thank you so much lovecrush. 🥰 You will always be my first love and first heartache.🙂 I know you can make it in life. You're such a kind hearted soul. Wishin you all the best in life! Takecare as always. Godbless!🙏❤️

So I wanted to make a post talking about what has been going on in the fandom for a few months now, why people are leaving and why several of us that usually post a lot especially games for you all and just feel good posts are not doing that as of right now. Several of us popular users here are boycotting the subreddit for a few and here’s why, some of y’all don’t know how to behave or act like civilized humans. We have seen some of the most ignorant racist, transphobic, antisemitic, body shaming, sexist and victim blaming posts/comments here as of recently along with people using the comment section and even DM to harass others. It honestly disgusted me and multiple other users especially us that use this fandom as a safe way to escape from the real world and the issues surrounding us. Y’all need to do better especially the mods not listening to us, when we bring this stuff up to you.
When I first joined the fandom I thought it was quite fun until I realized a few things. One if you disagree with somebody or have a real unpopular opinion you automatically downvoted. I’m sorry but the only reason somebody should be downvoted is they say something that is offensive and wrong, abusing the downvote button isn’t gonna make somebody like your character more. Just have a real conversation with them, maybe you’ll realize you have something in common not everybody has to like the same thing that’s what a subreddit is. Two the amount of hidden micro aggressions especially towards black characters and actors, question why are only certain type of characters allowed to be upset but not Mercedes after being put on the back burner for 2 years, why do some of you see Miss Amber Riley as only a one trick pony who can do only R&B or soul even though she has proven she can do more genres than any girl in the show, why do some of you think that Brittany thinking that Unique is Mercedes is funny even though Amber Riley said it made her uncomfortable and upset. Three, I have dealt with some ignorant and bigoted people in this subreddit, if something is done, it’s only a semi ban. Mods what happened to helping minorities, and saying you would do better after the one user who got the N-word in her comment section. How is stuff like the T slur, telling trans individuals how to feel about trans face, biphobic comments, sexism, antisemitism, comments like I can’t be racist I’m blind and downright victim blaming comment’s allowed, after all of that. Please do better.
Onto my next part, the victim blaming in this subreddit, here’s the fact Samantha Ware had nothing to gain when it came to calling out Lea Michelles behavior. She is for one quite successful in her own right, she literally was in Hamilton and starred in a Netflix original. Also, why would she make something like that up this isn’t a Jussie Smollett situation she had multiple people confirm this. Cast members of Glee literally said, Lea said micro aggressive comments on the set and was just a nightmare to work with during 2020. You don’t forget that, I don’t forget the people that made racist, indigenous I don’t forget the people that made racist indigenous remarks about me throughout high school, definitely don’t forget the micro aggressions From the theatre department which I have talked about here or the people making comments about my sexuality it’s ingrained into you after a certain point. How do you think Samantha and the other black cast members of Glee felt when Lea made those derogatory comments. The fact that you’re following rhetoric that is used against SA victims for victims of racism is bull. They didn’t deserve this, did Yvette Nicole Brown deserve to deal with Lea Michelle Stan’s coming after her sending her racism after defending these people? No! Oh, and remember Lea Michelle was not the only person called out during the BLM movement, Chevy Chase who was YNBs cast member was also called out and he is not coming back for the community movie, so was Alli Larter and the cast of Vanderpump rules.
Mods I am asking you please do something about this problem, me and other members don’t deserve to deal with these types of things and so many of us have become uncomfortable with this subreddit because of it. A few months ago someone sent you ideas of what to do to prevent this under the post of the user getting the N Word thrown at them. Why don’t you look at those and try to figure something out so people don’t get hurt. There are users hiding in plain sight with their bigotry and again it’s not ok, I also ask users to please report if you see something that is offensive I know it’s scary, but we have to do this so others don’t get hurt.
And once again to anyone, that’s been affected by any of this stuff you are love and supported by all of us apart of this, don’t let awful people/commenters get you down. If you ever need someone to talk to and feel like you are alone with whatever you are going through especially about this stuff I will listen. Please don’t hesitate to message me, I will try helping in any type of way I’ve dealt with and seen the bad of the world. No one should feel alone.
Thank You, Defender of Annoying Females.

i could understand a few weeks ago as bumble had just switched up the 'about me' section, but i think its been long enough that any active user would have noticed this section when looking at other peoples profiles.
I think this is one of the most important things to fill out on your profile for so many reasons and its easy so its baffling why so many people dont fill it out. Where i live (which is one of the largest cities in the uk) it feels like more people leave this section blank rather than fill it in. it seems like more people think filling in their starsign is more important...
i can understand (though i dont condone) single parents leaving it blank as having children can be a turnoff for many people (personally i dont date people with kids nore do i want them in the future), but the funny thing is that most of the people that dont fill it in seem to not even have kids. Which is why im so confused as to why its left blank.
have people just not gotten the memo, blind, lazy (for this specific thing) or is there some hidden benefit to leaving it blank that im missing.
edit: judging from all the downvotes to a simple question i see that the issue isnt limited to just my city. Ya'll need to stop being dishonest on your profiles for a whatever reason.
edit 2: people seem to be hyperfocused on the 'people WITH kids' that arent filling it out. This isn't the main issue as they are the minority. Most people on dating apps don't have children. The issue here and my confusion is that the people who 'DONT have kids' arent filling this out. And no hardly anyone seems to be able to give good reasons to explain why.

Advice needed. Bought tickets to the LA Sparks v. Indiana Fever game 2 months ago. Good seats in the 110 section at Walter Pyramid Arena in Long Beach. due to the Caitlin Clark effect, they moved the venue to Crypto.com. While delighted for the sport, my new seats are literally, nearly the worst in the arena. Section 331. New seats moved to the AXS ticketing. StubHub rep on the phone reiterated the fan guarantee about equal or better seats. Emailed me a form to provide the backup documentation of the unacceptable seat move. They responded by saying there was nothing they could do because of the arena change, and that I could resell the seats back on StubHub, which was kinda funny when you think about it, given they’re going for $59 versus the $264 I paid.

Please don't judge me or be harsh or trolling. I can't handle it at this point in time right now.... I am just moments close to ending everything because I just can't handle it anymore. please if you judge me just keep it to yourself please..
I am on ssi and ssd getting 158 on the first and 805 on the 3rd. the ssd is after both my parents passed they put me on my dads disability drawing off what he earned working but I was originally on ssi to begin with.
I get about 963 a month total to live on. Right now I am in major debt with credit cards since covid broke out. I had to use them to live on.
I moved in with my aunt who is living in apartments based on income but they are not section 8 but they accept section 8. When i moved in, i was told by the manager i didn't need to put my income since i was a cotenant. that was 10 yrs ago. come to find out. i had to put my income now i am being sued by the housing authority for 10k, i owe two more years. my aunt and i pay 220 a month to them. they don't care what happened they just want their money.
i owe one credit card company 4.5k, another 1.8k another 600 and another 700. when i applied for them, it was 3 plus years ago. i put that i made around 700k a year when i applied to them but i was on ssdi at the time making around 11k a year. i went on the websites 3 months ago fixed the right info.
I live in a small town where nothing is available for the next 20 plus miles and have no transport. my aunt won't take me anywhere. her son who si in his late 30's lives with us and works. my aunt is on disability. I get food stamps right now worth a 130 a month which goes to my aunt even though its for me. i pay her 450 a month rent incl internet lights and 130 in food. if i don't give her the food stamps then i have to pay her another 130 a month i can't afford since all my stuff is going to her and credit cards. i legit have nothing left each month right now with having to buy myself instant mashed potatoes, oatmeal top ramen soup, noodles and spaghetti sauce. i live on that through the month.
when she buys food with the food stamps it feeds her son, me and her. but it is only enough to last a week, then for the next 3 weeks i am starving barely eating because i can't afford much when i do buy stuff that i can put in my bedroom to eat on.
past week now, there has been no food, her son has been taking his mom and him out to eat all week not bringing anything home for me. im so hungry. the nearest food bank is 4 miles away one way, but i have no way to get there my aunt won't take me they don't deliver and when i tried getting medicaid transport to take me they said they don't schedule rides except to and from the dr's.
I have no other family, I have no friends. I have no vehicle. been trying to get a minivan so I could live in it. I am sometimes bed ridden due to my bad joints/back/knees/feet/right leg nerve damage. I also struggle from morbid obesity I am around 500 lbs and funny thing is, with how little i eat. i should be losing weight but its the complete opposite.
I will be 47 yrs old when I am out of debt with the credit card companies, I tried filing bankruptcy no one will touch me being under 10k in debt with the credit card companies. i contacted legal aid, the attorney who called me back said he can't help me because its under 10k. but told me how to file but chances of me filing and getting it are slim to none esp without legal help he said.
im thinking of ending my life next month when my aunt and her son leave for a week. I just can't keep living like this. if i had a minivan I could stay in it, do door dash for extra money, I could get around trying to find an aparment based on income. I bene accepted a few times to low income places but had no way to get there and now with all the debt I wouldn't be able to afford having my own place with the credit card debt.
if i stop paying the cards, and the debt collectors come after me, they could take me to court and if they do, they could show the judge i said i made 700k a year and i didn't make that much and was on disability at the time and making only 11k a year. i found out while looking into bankruptcy that it is fraud and i could face prison time.
i just don't know what to do anymore. i really don't know what to do anymore other than ending things next month to get out of this situation i put myself in with my aunt, debt, etc. I just can't do it anymore esp without a vehicle. esp since I am bed ridden half of the day here and there due to my bad joints and weight that i have carried around for 30 yrs destroying my joints and causing nerve damage to my right leg. I can't just get up and go on the streets and live on the streets not with how badly im in pain every day esp just walking to the corner store. just a simple walk to the corner store and back and i am bed rested for an entire day barely able to move.
i can't do it anymore...

Please don't judge me or be harsh or trolling. I can't handle it at this point in time right now.... I am just moments close to ending everything because I just can't handle it anymore. please if you judge me just keep it to yourself please..
I am on ssi and ssd getting 158 on the first and 805 on the 3rd. the ssd is after both my parents passed they put me on my dads disability drawing off what he earned working but I was originally on ssi to begin with.
I get about 963 a month total to live on. Right now I am in major debt with credit cards since covid broke out. I had to use them to live on.
I moved in with my aunt who is living in apartments based on income but they are not section 8 but they accept section 8. When i moved in, i was told by the manager i didn't need to put my income since i was a cotenant. that was 10 yrs ago. come to find out. i had to put my income now i am being sued by the housing authority for 10k, i owe two more years. my aunt and i pay 220 a month to them. they don't care what happened they just want their money.
i owe one credit card company 4.5k, another 1.8k another 600 and another 700. when i applied for them, it was 3 plus years ago. i put that i made around 700k a year when i applied to them but i was on ssdi at the time making around 11k a year. i went on the websites 3 months ago fixed the right info.
I live in a small town where nothing is available for the next 20 plus miles and have no transport. my aunt won't take me anywhere. her son who si in his late 30's lives with us and works. my aunt is on disability. I get food stamps right now worth a 130 a month which goes to my aunt even though its for me. i pay her 450 a month rent incl internet lights and 130 in food. if i don't give her the food stamps then i have to pay her another 130 a month i can't afford since all my stuff is going to her and credit cards. i legit have nothing left each month right now with having to buy myself instant mashed potatoes, oatmeal top ramen soup, noodles and spaghetti sauce. i live on that through the month.
when she buys food with the food stamps it feeds her son, me and her. but it is only enough to last a week, then for the next 3 weeks i am starving barely eating because i can't afford much when i do buy stuff that i can put in my bedroom to eat on.
past week now, there has been no food, her son has been taking his mom and him out to eat all week not bringing anything home for me. im so hungry. the nearest food bank is 4 miles away one way, but i have no way to get there my aunt won't take me they don't deliver and when i tried getting medicaid transport to take me they said they don't schedule rides except to and from the dr's.
I have no other family, I have no friends. I have no vehicle. been trying to get a minivan so I could live in it. I am sometimes bed ridden due to my bad joints/back/knees/feet/right leg nerve damage. I also struggle from morbid obesity I am around 500 lbs and funny thing is, with how little i eat. i should be losing weight but its the complete opposite.
I will be 47 yrs old when I am out of debt with the credit card companies, I tried filing bankruptcy no one will touch me being under 10k in debt with the credit card companies. i contacted legal aid, the attorney who called me back said he can't help me because its under 10k. but told me how to file but chances of me filing and getting it are slim to none esp without legal help he said.
im thinking of ending my life next month when my aunt and her son leave for a week. I just can't keep living like this. if i had a minivan I could stay in it, do door dash for extra money, I could get around trying to find an aparment based on income. I bene accepted a few times to low income places but had no way to get there and now with all the debt I wouldn't be able to afford having my own place with the credit card debt.
if i stop paying the cards, and the debt collectors come after me, they could take me to court and if they do, they could show the judge i said i made 700k a year and i didn't make that much and was on disability at the time and making only 11k a year. i found out while looking into bankruptcy that it is fraud and i could face prison time.
i just don't know what to do anymore. i really don't know what to do anymore other than ending things next month to get out of this situation i put myself in with my aunt, debt, etc. I just can't do it anymore esp without a vehicle. esp since I am bed ridden half of the day here and there due to my bad joints and weight that i have carried around for 30 yrs destroying my joints and causing nerve damage to my right leg. I can't just get up and go on the streets and live on the streets not with how badly im in pain every day esp just walking to the corner store. just a simple walk to the corner store and back and i am bed rested for an entire day barely able to move.
i can't do it anymore...

Hello! So, I have this crush he's ayear older than me and he is really good at playing drums. Well, currently I am still studying and in our school they're actually lots of band.
First day of class, nung dismissal time nah I went muna sa auditorium to check on something lang, yet, I saw a band practicing. And then I really like how the "drummer" play with his drum, and fun fact about me is that I really really love music likeeeee WHAAAAA
Then, every dismissal I always go to the auditorium to check if they were still practicing with the drummer boy. Pero my friends na palagi kung kasabayan na umuwi is kinda sus on why I am always going to auditorium. That's why I told her the reason that I like the way the beat drop when THE drummer boy does it. Starting that day she always tease me nah that I have crush daw on the drummer boy. However, on my side I know that I just really like the beats of the drum yet she is still pushing her agenda till September ( August kasi nagstart yung class namin)That why in the middle of that month nagkacrush nalang din tuloy ako😭😭
Tapos meron kasing kaming freedom wall that's why I litterally put a long bondpaper with printed words that said "Anong pangalan nung drummer every mass?" (may mass kasi I am in a catholic school) Then when I came back the next day walang nagsulat ng pangalan nya that's why due to embarrassment (even though i should not feel taht way kasi no one knows naman that I'm the who put it up there hahahahaha) I just get the bondpaper and throw it somewhere.
Then, I have this classmates who is kinda knows everyone hehe. then together with the friend of mine who constantly teasing me about tht drummer boy (take note i still didn't told her that I already had a crush nah on the drummer boy officially) . So, this friend of mine suddenly tease me saying "my name may mass na naman bukas ah, makikita mo naman si doing something like drumming" Then this classmate of us who kinda knows everyone said that "Oyy, crush mo si the drummer boy" And then I asked that if yun ba pangalan nun.
Later afternoon, I search the name of the drummer boy in fb however hindi ko nakita kasi mali yung pagkadinig ko. That's why I just stalked that classmate of mine (see the struggled because meron syang 100+ friends) until later on nakita ko yung same same of pronunciation sa name na binanggit ng classmate ko.
Then I stalked his friends and he only have 75 friends and I was shocked knowing how popular he is in out school. So every now and then I stalk him like it's on my schedule. And plssss dont get me wrong I only stalked him in social medias.
fast forward he had an ex girlfriend na kabatch ko lang and they lasted for 4 months and from what i have heard that they broke up because the girl only rebounded him lol. And he actually have a new girl now, not even a month before he and his ex broke up (so screaming red flag hahahaha), his new girl is actually hia classmate, but is actually funny because there is an event of our school where on each section needs to have a play base on movies/series and then their section chose Wednesday and my crush plays as Gomez Addams while his new girl plays Wednesday itself 💀
pero anyways its been nine months since i had a crush on him🥲 not to mention those things that I did just so I could stare/see him 🥲
PS: i'm really sorry for grammatical error