Happy Sunday, IMAM!
I received my Poesie order for their Cloud 9 Birthday collection on Friday. I wanted to give them a little time to rest before I tried them out, so this post is my first impressions review.
I want to start out by saying I have many loves from Poesie’s catalog including Soft, Madar, Amaterasu, Secret Boyfriend, Darcy, Autumn Shadows and, the inspiration behind the birthday collection, Cloud. I have sung the praises of Cloud on this sub for a long time, which is why I was so excited to try out and review this collection. I got a little caught up in the excitement, so I threw my usual caution with Poesie’s limited edition collections to the wind and went ahead and purchased 3 of the 4 new scents.
Now, the qualms I have with Poesie’s scents I think are fairly common within the IMAM community; the oils are very low throw and low longevity. As in, they disappear within an hour or two. This remains true with the scents in the Cloud 9 collection and is the reason I usually stay away from their limited releases, which are only available in oil format. In my opinion, Poesie’s EDPs have much better throw and longevity, which is why I tend to stick to the general catalog scents that are available in EDP unless a limited release really catches my eye, which is what happened with this release. I hope that in the future, limited collections will have EDP options in addition to oils because I do genuinely love the scents and aesthetic of this brand, but really don’t want to have to reapply more than once.
Now that that’s out of the way, on to the reviews! I will rate the scents based on my personal taste, as well as the accuracy to the listed notes on a scale of 1 to 5.
Cloud- (Poesie’s classic cotton candy scent).
This scent has been around for a while and I did not repurchase during this release, but I wanted to include a review of it in this post anyway. As I said earlier in the post, I love this scent! It is my absolute favorite cotton candy note. Other cotton candy scents I’ve tried have almost a cold feel to them, like cotton candy that was made a few days ago and kept in a plastic bag, but Cloud smells exactly like warm, freshly made cotton candy. It’s a very sweet, pink scent without being cloying. I have the scent in EDP format, but I also have an oil sample. The EDP lasts about 5 hours on me, where the oil lasts about 2. The EDP has a much bigger throw than the oil as well. Overall, beautiful. Stunning. Love it. 10/10 recommend.
Personal opinion- 5/5
Accuracy to notes- 5/5
Cereal Milk Cotton Candy- (Remember drinking the leftover milk from the classic fruity cereal of your childhood? Add a hint of cotton candy and you have this delicious scent in a bottle!)
I will start by saying this is by far my favorite of the 4 new scents, which surprises me because I was actually going to pass on this one. I never really understood the whole cereal milk trend that’s been popular for a few years, so this one didn’t interest me at first but I said f*** it and purchased it anyway. Y’all, this one is nice. Upon first application, I get a blast of fruity pebbles but it settles down into a milky base and I can actually start to distinguish the different fruit notes! At first it was more strawberry/cherry, but then I started to pick up on the lemon/lime notes. The cereal milk is strong and I’m not picking up any of the Cloud note. Like, at all. No cotton candy in this. Just cereal milk. Which might be a good thing, depending on personal taste. I think with the cotton candy note, it might be too sweet. The cereal milk is sweet enough on its own. Throw/longevity wise, this one is probably the best of any Poesie oil I’ve tried. I applied it about 3 hours ago and I can still smell it from a couple feet away! This one needs to come back as GC. Obsessed.
Personal opinion- 5/5
Accuracy to notes- 4/5 (yes cereal milk, no cotton candy)
Pandan Jasmine Tea Cotton Candy- (Inspired by an amazing ice cream flavor that Joelle had at a local restaurant with our beloved cotton candy note — quirky, unexpected and totally delightful!)
So, this is where the collection starts to go downhill in my opinion. This is the one I was most excited for and the most disappointed by. I don’t get cotton candy, I don’t get pandan, I barely get jasmine. It mostly smells like a slightly floral earl grey tea. There is a hint of milkiness to it, so perhaps more like a london fog. It definitely doesn’t smell bad, perse, but it doesn’t smell like pandan, jasmine or cotton candy. Which is disappointing, because I really wanted a pandan cotton candy perfume. (Sidenote- if anyone has pandan recs, I’m happy to hear them!) Very little throw, longevity is about 1.5 hours. If you want an actual london fog scent from Poesie, try Twice to Tea. It’s better.
Personal opinion- 2/5
Accuracy to notes- 2/5 (No pandan, jasmine or cotton candy)
Love Poesie #9- (Tuberose, cotton candy, and a wisp of blown out birthday candles will have you under its spell)
Unfortunately, we are still tail spinning. Once again, I get zero cotton candy from this one. Also, zero blown out birthday candle. This is a tuberose single note. There’s not much else to say. Again, it doesn’t smell bad, but I don’t personally jive with it. Tuberose is not a note that I typically like. To be fair, I didn’t purchase this one because I wasn’t crazy about the notes, but I received it as a free mystery sample. If you like tuberose, you will like this. It also redeems itself a little by having decent longevity. Throw, not so much.
Personal opinion- 1/5
Accuracy to notes- 2/5 (No cotton candy or wisp of blown out birthday candle)
Chamomile Ginger Cotton Candy-[Grown up cotton candy? Yes, please. Soothing, spicy and slightly sweet — you’re sure to smell like an elevated treat]
It’s getting sad at this point. My wallet is crying from the $60 thrown down the drain. I am crying because once again, I get zero cotton candy, zero chamomile and zero ginger. I literally don’t even know WTF this smells like. It’s vaguely tea-like in a very nondescript way. I’m definitely not getting a distinct chamomile scent. There’s a hint of spiciness, but again, I’m not detecting actual ginger. It’s kind of soapy and clean…Y’all I am literally sitting in front of my laptop right now sniffing my arm like a psycho trying to pick up on any specific notes. I honestly don’t know how to describe this. It has a smell. It smells like something. I don’t know what that thing is. Spicy, but not really, soap with a nonspecific tea note. Low throw, longevity is about 2 hours.
Personal opinion- 1/5
Accuracy to notes- ?/5 (maybe I’m just stupid idk)
TLDR: With a 25% hit rate, if you missed out on this new collection, I say be happy you saved the cash.

[Next]:
Part 2 The child.
Previous[Next]
“Uhm. I’m not sure what you mean, kid. I don’t know who your parents are.”
“C’mon! I watched you come out of that crypt! Maybe if I tell you their names it’ll spark your memory! My dad’s name was James Luceniel, and my mother’s was Talma Luceniel. Don’t you remember them?”
Internally, I groan. I never caught the name of that female elf, but one of the males was definitely named James. I can’t have this ten-year-old just wander into that crypt and find one of her parents brutalized by some monster. I need a distraction.
I notice the faint grip of the child release, and she backs away. I can see the blood from my robe mixing with the dirt already caught in her dress.
“Oh. I never thought you could get dirty, Mr. Reaper! I guess it makes sense given who you are, but the thought never crossed my mind! Would you like some help cleaning your cloak before you take me to see my parents?”
“Oh. Sure,” I say, confused and perturbed by this child’s readiness to just help a bloodstained stranger.
“We’ll get you all nice and cleaned up Mr. Reaper. Then you can help me!” She says as she begins leading me out of the graveyard.
“So, why do you keep calling me ‘Mr. Reaper’?”
“Because that’s what we’ve always called you. Is that wrong?”
“Yes. That’s not my name. My name is… Uhm…”
“Go on, I’d love to call you by your actual name! I didn’t realize I’d been using the wrong one!”
“I… Huh. I can’t remember.”
As we step out into the town proper, I can’t help but think that it looks terrible. Most of the buildings have collapsed, and the few buildings left standing are massively overgrown with various climbing plants. There aren’t many people in the street either.
“That’s okay. I’m sure you’ll remember eventually. You might want to turn down this alley though. People probably won’t like seeing you out in the middle of the street.”
“I suppose you’re right.”
As she leads me through the back alleys, I can’t help but stare at some of the cobblestone buildings we pass. I notice that where the stones would normally be held together with mortar, there are thick, dark green vines binding the stones together. It almost looks like the vines are moving. Yet, despite the strangeness of their construction, I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve been here before. Everything seems so eerily familiar, yet nothing concrete. Hesitantly, I ask, “So, what is the story of this place? I thought elves mostly stuck to treetop fortresses. Never knew you guys to build with stone.”
“Oh. Well, we didn’t build this place. We moved in a very long time ago. The Ancient Oak told me that the village was made by some creatures called ‘Hai-oo-mans.’ I don’t really know what those are, but apparently, they were really, really good at building stuff. I guess they all died off at some point. Don’t really know how, but when the Beastkin decided they were gonna fight us and we ran away, the Ancient Oak knew about this place and helped us move in and rebuild a bit.”
Hai-oo-mans… Does she mean Humans?
“Wait. You don’t know what humans are?”
“Not really. Why? Are there a lot of them where you’re from?”
“I mean… yeah?”
“Oh. Was it a lot of work for you when they died? I bet it was, Mr. Reaper.”
There she goes again with that moniker.
“I don’t think I ever asked your name, kid. What is it?”
“Oh. Sorry. I had assumed you already knew it. I’m Namaski! Namaski Luceniel. May I ask you another question?”
“Sure.”
“How did my parents die.”
Shit. Oh shit. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Shit. How’d she find out!
“What do you mean?” I ask, begging this to be some massive misunderstanding.
“I’m not sure how else to phrase it. I watched my mom and dad be set in the ground when I was fifteen. Nobody really explained it to me at the time, and people still refuse to tell me what exactly happened.”
“When you were fifteen?”
“Yeah. That would’ve been… six years ago.”
Oh thank Toyl. Wait… “You barely look ten years old!”
“Excuse me? I am not a toddler.”
“Toddler? At ten? I know I never interacted with elves much, but by Toyl you people take forever to develop.”
“Toyl? I don’t think I’ve heard of that god. Is he some sort of death god?”
“Death god? Why would… No. She’s my god.”
“How can she be your god, but not a death god, Mr. Reaper?”
“Why do you think I would worship a death god?”
“Worship? I thought you were the Grim Reaper. You know… Faithful servant and manifested embodiment of Death. Seemed pretty clear from your frame and complexion why some people thought you were a skeleton.”
“No. I’m… I’m just a human.”
“Oh. I get it. This is some weird death joke. You might want to work on that sense of humor of yours, Mr. Reaper. Anyway, we’re here!”
“It’s not… Whatever.”
What stands before us is quite possibly the shoddiest house in the entire town. I stand outside of the doorframe for almost a full minute wondering how the building hasn’t collapsed yet.
“Feel free to come in whenever you feel like it!”
Right. “I’m coming in!” I shout as I step through the doorframe.
Immediately, a wad of items is shoved into my arms.
“Sorry, I don’t have a tub, but here’s a towel, washrag, and some soap. There’s a secret section of the river just a few hundred meters out the back door. Also, there’s a set of my dad’s old clothes in there. I think they might fit you. Once you’re done, I’ll take those rags you’re wearing and clean them. Maybe try mending some of the tears too.”
“Thanks, but you really don’t have to do all of that.”
“It’s no problem! I like helping!”
Maybe I should just leave all this stuff just outside the door. Sneak away before she notices. I really don’t want to take advantage of some poor kid. Besides, what am I gonna do when her aunt, uncle, grandparent, or whoever is taking care of her shows up? It’s best that I just leave now.
But… For some reason, I don’t want to.
“What’s the matter, Mr. Reaper?” She pouts. “Is it not good enough? I’m sorry! I can get better soap! Soap that actually smells nice if that’s what you want! Or is it my dad’s clothes? Are they not your style? Why do you look so sad? What can I do better?”
“Please, calm down.”
“I’m calm! I promise!”
“It’s just that I don’t want to impose on you, and also I’m pretty sure your grandmother or aunt or whoever probably doesn’t want you inviting a stranger into your house and giving them your things.”
“You don’t have to worry about that! I’m the matron of this household! The only person I have to listen to is The Ancient Oak! Besides, you aren’t taking advantage of me! I offered!”
“But-”
“No buts! Now get yours in that river and start scrubbing,” she shouts as she begins to try and shove me out of the back door.
With a small chuckle, I let out a “Yes Ma’am.” and allow her to push me out of the door.
What a weird kid. She seems like a good one though. If only she wasn’t so trusting.
Previous[Next]

Author’s Note: Sorry for the long delay! Apparently all it took was a tornado ripping through my house to get me motivated again! Don’t worry, everyone is fine, and this is a nice distraction from the destruction. As always, thanks for reading, and I hope to see y’all again.

P.S. Feel free to join my Discord server here for stuff like shoddy character drawings and periodic updates!

Share your Lather Games shave of the day!

Today's Theme: Ahoy, Lather Games!

Product must be a Bay Rum, Old Spice or Old Spice dupe, or something with nautically-themed branding / marketing.
Note: this means the soap brand or soap concept must be nautically themed in some way. It does not mean "scent must be from the Aquatic fragrance family."

Today's Challenge: Paleontology Day

Priusaurus won last year. Honour him in some way in your shave.

Sponsor Spotlight

Noble Otter Soap Co.
Established in 2017, Noble Otter started off as a team of two with one goal in mind; to make men's grooming products the way they should be. Noble Otter started many years ago in their own home making bath soaps that they felt were better than what was available on the market. One year for Christmas, Cody got a wetshaving starters kit from his wife and fell in love with wetshaving. Cody loved the nostalgia, the quality of the shave, and of course the many different scents. Of course, as a hobbyist soapmaker Cody decided to start making his own. And after many test batches and feedback from numerous people, Cody decided it was time to start his own small business. So why Noble Otter? When they started thinking of a name for our business, they wanted to be different and unique. They started with the idea of telling the story of their scents through art and olfactory experience. Each scent has a unique otter that helps you picture what the experience might be like while using one of our products. It's fun, unique, and engaging at the same time. All Noble Otter soaps and splashes are handmade in Houston, Texas.

Tomorrow's Theme: Where's the Beef?

Product must contain a non-beef tallow - e.g., sheep, bison, deer, duck, bear, cat, etc. Caveat: we acknowledge that there are usually a few vegan players who object to being required to use a non-vegan product to be on-theme; therefore, players may use a vegan soap for today's theme, provided that all the other software and hardware they use this month is also vegan.

Tomorrow's Challenge: OnionMiOsma Day

If you have Osma, use it. If you have some other alum, use it and tell us how much you wish it was Osma. If you don't have any alum, tell us why you don't put salt on your skin after you shave.

This is the place to ask beginner and simple questions. Some examples include:

• Soap, scent, or gear recommendations
• Favorite scents, bases, etc
• Where to buy certain items
• Identification of a razor you just bought
• Troubleshooting shaving issues such as cuts, poor lather, and technique

Please note these are examples and any questions for the sub should be posted here. Remember to visit the Wiki for more information too!

Hello all! I'm working my way through some samples and wanted to drop some reviews for you! I'm a bit verbose lmao and I don't want the post to be too long, so I will be making additional posts in the coming days. Hope these are helpful or interesting!
Evil Eye - Arcana Wildcraft

Protection against malevolent forces. An opening of bright Sicilian aniseed leads to a creamy, addictive, gourmand heart of Mexican vanilla, dark cocoa, sugar-encrusted blonde woods, warm amber, sandalwood milk, Cetalox, and soft golden tobacco. A woody gourmand with anise and chocolate.

Wet and in the bottle: Very strong, tangy wood, to me it reads like cedar. Reminds me of my parents cedar closet in the attic. I suspect it's the sandalwood. It's very very strong, you get a sense of a sweetness but it's very overpowering in this form.
Wet and just applied to skin: The intense woody tang remains, but a lactonic, no an oaty sweetness starts creeping up more and more the drier it gets. A noticable musk is peeking out here as well.
Dried down on skin: Now the frag has arrived where it should be, it's creamy and woody and sweet. The cedarey sensation remains but it's swirled into steamed, sweetened vanilla oatmilk. Like a wood latte. Feels like something they sell at dryad cafes. The musk grows with wear. I don't get a "cashmere" note that you usually find in scents that mention that. It feels more like a soft, plush musk, something there to keep it from being just gourmand, because strangely the cedar feels kind of herbal like those flower lattes. Comes a long way from the very non gourmand WOOD opening to where it reads like wood, but wood you can eat.
Final thoughts: I'm actually deeply obsessed with this fragrance. I really really love it, even the intense opening of it. This gave me a sort of paradigm shift, where I realized all my recent faves have been perfumey gourmands and not the realistic gourmands I once thought I preferred. Fantastically imaginitive frag, I certainly would've never thought of it. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) I did layer it, and it was fine. They both kind of exist at the same time but don't really create something together. But they don't clash, which is great news because you know me and my VB.
Fleeced Skeleton Onesie - BPAL

freshly-washed fleece skeleton onesie and a little bit of smeared eyeliner

Wet and in the bottle: Sweet laundry smell. Reminds me of hugging a friend in high school and you can smell their "vanilla orchid" scented laundry soap their mom picked out. Idk why that specifically, but that's what it's giving.
Wet and just applied to skin: I saw someone say it smelled like banana to them and I get what they mean. There's a floral sweetness (like a banana) cut by something slightly vegetal, just the tiniest bit green. Finishes with a lipsticky quality, but creamy not powdery. From afar, it smells like it did in the bottle - sweet laundry, but with a proper sniff you get the separate elements making that up. The makeup sensation seems to get stronger as it warms.
Dried down on skin: Very much like Avon lipstick. My grandma was an Avon lady and had so much Avon cosmetics, and it really reminds me of her lipsticks. White floral with a creamy quality, but not lactonic. I've smelled this in other things, someone said it's giving crisco and that's almost exactly right. A smooth but sort of aggressively quality-less creaminess. There's something here that reads as very slightly lemon-ey to me, but it mostly just serves to keep it from being sugary sweet. The laundry smell is strong from afar, similar to bedsheet ghost but more floral and less "hot". This isn't just dried laundry it's a clean shirt you folded and put away the night before. But any closer inspection of the frag, a deep sniff, and it's a heady white floral with creamy elements.
Final thoughts: I usually don't like white florals, but I like this one! I wouldn't wear it all the time, it won't become a regular thing, but I do like it. It has a sense of nostalgia, and it really reminds me of scene kids for whatever reason, which I think is what she was going for. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) Yes! I think the tangy fruity sweetness of VB calms some of the louder white florals, and it gives it maximum scene kid.
Asses Plus Long, Qu'un Siecle Platonique - BPAL

opal-gilded white rose petals, vanilla flower, and caramelized benzoin

Wet and in the bottle: Sharp, biting, headaching rose
Wet and just applied to skin: This is a true rose, leans more realistic than the kind of fantasy powder rose. It's a little peppery like fresh roses tend to be, a little astringent. Like floral in the most literal meaning of the word. Platonic ideal of a floral. Green, planty, smooth, peppery rose. Kind of arugula adjacent (this is how I feel about smelling most real roses).
Dried down on skin: I figured this would be pretty linear as a frag because of how almost solinote-ey it was for me for a good long while. It stays its perfect rose self, I can maybe get zome benzoin at the tail end, but it melds into the astringency of the rose to where it feels like it's mostly aiding in the solinote. But, after a good long while, like 3.5 hours, it becomes pure bitter zingy benzoin. Very very bitter. Like surprisingly bitter. I sniffed my wrist after a few hours to check on it and was like staggered a bit. Interesting touch, I feel like. Makes this kind of dark and spooky in a way.
Final thoughts: I like rose as an element often but I feel like this is too much rose. It's almost scary how much rose it is. I like it and I think it's well crafted and it's cool how realistic it is for me, but definitely not something I'll reach for often. I've been trying to give florals a fair shake recently, as for a long time I'd decided they were right out but for jasmine. And while this one didn't sell me on florals or rose as a whole, it made me think there's something more interesting there than I thought. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) Yes! Makes it a bit more what I'm used to in terms of a rose. A kind of candied, fruity rose situation. More recognizable to me. I do think it gets weird with its endstage benzoin phase though.
We're Werewolves Not Swearwolves - S92

Ambroxan, trampled moss, soft tonka, boozy vanilla, smashed pumpkin, black coffee, acid-washed denim, wild grey musk

Wet and in the bottle: Dirty coffee, a bit of sweetness. Honestly not all that appealing in the bottle.
Wet and just applied to skin: Warm, delicious toasty coffee sweetened with damara sugar. Musk and something slightly salty make it read caramelled and also ground it. Amazing, almost smokey coffee gourmand here.
Dried down on skin: Becomes a spicy, salty coffee slush of sorts. So roasty toasty, but in a way that's super wearable. Doesn't smell like you just walked out of a coffee shop but rather than you ooze coffee, and it gets stuck in the threads of your lightly perfumed (choco musk perhaps) flannel. Smells like curling up to see the stars with a fancy starbucks coffee, the ones with the crunchy caramel bits on the top. So musky and addictive.
Final thoughts: Actually one of my new favorite frags, which is highly unfortunate because I have about half a slonk and don't feel comfortable ever ordering direct from S92. Will be looking for a fullsize in the swaps. I'm soso on coffee scents, I like them in theory but I think they're either very short lived or not gourmand enough for me, instead becoming a kind of interesting earthy note. But here it's all coffee ice cream type coffee but made round and full by some classical perfumey additions. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) It's fine, not my favorite combination. They don't so much blend as sort of sit next to each other.
Boardwalk - S92

Coconut pulp, coconut milk, Coppertone, sand, sea breeze, driftwood, melted vanilla ice cream cone, sticky cotton candy

Wet and in the bottle: Very verbena-ey to me. That kind of smooth, almost creamy greenness. Touch of sunscreeney coconut, lots of sweetness. Reads like a fancy slushy summer drink.
Wet and just applied to skin: Much sweeter, coconut imparts a nice kind of nuttiness, very much like Coconut Lime Verbena from bath and body works, which I'm a fan of. Definitely has the sunscreen quality about it. I swear at the end of the sniff, it's exactly like fresh saltwater taffy. That kind of slight saltiness, nondairy creaminess. It reminds me of the blue ones in particular, which I think were blueberry but had a slight herbal quality about them. All of this comes together to really complete the "fancy, slurry summer drink" feeling.
Dried down on skin: This scent is pretty linear for its notes, it doesn't change much to me from the wet on skin phase. Maybe that taffy at the end becomes more the forefront. Not as coconuttey a drydown as I was hoping for.
Final thoughts: I like it, but I'm not a huge summer frag person these days. I think they tend to smell kind of samey to me unless they're doing something very specific. But it's very nice, very wearable, definitely sniffed myself a lot. I feel like it's missing something I'm wanting though, maybe just more coconut, or maybe it smelling like coconut lime verbena makes me want a limey note from it. Does it Vampire Blood? (This is the part where I admit I layer everything with BBW's Vampire Blood bc I'm obsessed. This section of my reviews will denote if it can be layered with VB) Yes! I love this combo bc VB reads very cotton candy to me, and I didn't really detect cotton candy in this frag, more just a general sweetness, and the VB helps to amp that.

I rolled my eyes when the twin came in. I know that's a classic soap opera trope, but the reverse twist being that it's actually roman?!?! my jaw actually dropped! that's probably a cliche too, but I don't care. it got me so good and I love it.
also, side note - I might get dragged for this, but: jane is kind of getting on my nerves... I don't really have a good reason for it, as all her choices are reasonable and make sense for her character. but, she just annoys me. can't really explain it. I really want petra to take the main lead 😂

FAIR WARNING THIS WILL BE A WALL OF TEXT
Intro: In a series of reviews that will begin (or return) here; we are going to try and take a critical look at the Chuck series, especially the unfolding of the story as scene through the teleplay. In this case we are assuming multiple things about a potential watcher:

• The watcher is new to the series and does not know about future episodes, but there is an expectation any previous episodes have been watched
  
• I will try not to point information out that becomes important for later episodes, though there may be times it's important because of how episodes are filmed and how episodes string together, I will however try and hide these behind a spoiler tag. I say this as a person who has watched Chuck dozens of times, so if I inadvertently spoiler, sorry.
  
• I will do my best to point out interesting references that are hidden within the Chuck universe, but not at the expense of extended expositions unless in-depth analysis is necessary as it relates to the scene.
  

What is this all for: This started as a project to improve my critical reviewing skills for a hobby of movie script writing and analysis. Chuck happens to have published 3 original scripts and all the text of every episode has been published to a searchable database. This affords an opportunity to break from my movie writing woes and infinite revisions to just have fun enjoying Chuck and trying to deepen my understanding of the intersection of script writing with filmography and visual editing. Having said this, it should be known I have no affiliation to the show, no additional insider knowledge, and I do not write scripts for a living. So, consequently, feel free to ignore everything I say :). I do hope, however, we can go on this journey together and appreciate the excellence that is a love story called Chuck.
So, don't freak out, and lets get started.
​
Chuck 01x04 (Chuck vs the Wookiee): TEASER - We open with the gang playing "Know Ya!", which isn't actually a real board game, but based on the game Paddles. It's amazing that Morgan can't stand Ellie/Awesome being in love/winning, but marches triumphantly whenever he gets a question correct. I also like we see, in frame, Chuck watching Sarah pick off olives; he's beginning to notice things just like a real spy. The deep sadness and yet storied confliction on Chuck's face when he discovers Peaches 1 and Peaches 2 was great.
For those who don't know about dogs:

• A cocker spaniel is typically smaller; by ~5inches and up to 30lbs lighter than a springer spaniel.
• Springer spaniels also have shorter fur across their bodies, with feathered hair under their chests and legs.
• Only a cocker spaniel will be solid colored
• Springer spaniels have longer muzzles, while cockers have fluffier ears.

I find it very interesting how Sarah has "spidey sense" about potentially being watched. At no point previously did either Sarah nor Casey display this trait and I'm not totally sure how an open window was enough to do this; I wonder if Sarah's comfort being around Chuck's family is causing her to develop a "feeling of being watched" as she is comfortable with the Bartowski's? For those who missed it, Sarah talks about having a sister I think at the time this was just a throw-away line to protect her cover, but in season 5 Sarah does actually have a little sister if you count the little girl she rescues One last thing about Sarah here, when Bryce is being discussed, I really like how it was played where she acts quiet and shocked, but not saying anything. The facial expressions of Yvonne here are really special and you can tell Sarah lives a life of secrets. This is carried outside when Chuck asks Sarah about her relationship with Bryce. She is totally looking down and to the right, a classic indication of an emotional response searching for rationalization (ie. she is clearly lying)
As they end the game and exit to the courtyard, there teleplay of Chuck does something I've been wanting to see forever; they switch perspective to keep both characters in camera and follow them around from a 3rd perspective. We know this is supposed to indicate they are being watched, but I really enjoy getting to see them together reacting and talking instead of the constant close-ups and cuts. Normally Chuck will be shot with something between a medium close up (MCU) and Medium Shot (MS) to emphasize their characters and highlight their faces and expressions. This works really well because Chuck's cameras are typically either shoulder level or hip level based on the operators moving through their space. In many more modern TV shows, the technology of boom cranes and gyroscopic gimbals allows for content to be show from ground level to overhead giving directors the opportunity to tell their story through a variety of shifting profiles. If Chuck were shot today, we would see everything from full body shots all the way to extreme closeups without the need for continual jump-cuts and re-shoots because the technology is there. At least for this episode, it's nice to see the director explore more hip/knee level motion and more cowboy framed shots when having a distant observer perspective. https://www.studiobinder.com/blog/types-of-camera-shots-sizes-in-film/ does a fantastic breakdown of all the different shot type and camera perspectives for you want to read more!
As we transition into Sarah's hotel room, did anyone pick up on how NICE this is? She has double sinks, a king bed, a sitting mirror, free standing tub, and a great view. I doubt any agency in the "real world" would ever spring for something like this for multiple years for one of their agents, it's fancy! Enter Carina, tell me, who saw Sarah fight with a soap sock and think of iCarly and the famous "butter sock". Also during this fight, why is Sarah wearing a golden bikini? I know she is about to get into the shower, but what plausible reason is there for her to a) wear a bikini at all and b) it to be a bright golden yellow?? If you slow this fight scene way down, you will notice Yvonne's strikes actually come close to hitting Mimi as she has had a lot of training, whereas Mimi's strikes are miles from Yvonne and she just over-acts their impact. The most noticeable is the kick into her table, Sarah goes flying back, but we can tell from the angle, Carina missed her by a good 2 ft. This was just some sloppy editing and not getting the camera into position. I give it a pass because you have probably 3 camera operators wearing stabilized camera rigs trying to rotate around a room with 2 girls fighting and they just missed the angle by like 2 feet. I did really like at the end of the fight Carina had the option to go for the gun but instead went for the fish. If you didn't know they were not enemies before, this should have been a big clue! Carina calls Sarah's life in LA boring #1
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ACT I
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Carina aka: Maria Elena Argalberdi was born Jun 16, 1978 in Alberdi Argentina with a Buenos Aires passport. Maria Elena is actually the name of a famous song in Mexico and eventually had a movie. This Chuck learns on Flash #1 and is the precursor to meeting the general for the first time. I know I've mentioned this before, but to reiterate; the pictures in Casey's apartment are all wrong; he has photos of Chuck and Morgan that don't happen until season 5 (lost footage) he has a map of Echo Park and Malibu already on display, and he has tactical information for each member of the Buy More (which he has no reason for at this time). It is interesting they talk about an opium cartel in Afghanistan as Afghanistan is known for it's huge poppy fields for heroin drug money.
The NADAN-I-NOOR diamond:

• The Nadan-I-Noor diamond has never been known to be bought or sold and ha only changed owners as a result of theft, conquest, or endowment
• It's listed as having 57 facets + 16 facets on girdle = 73. A facet is comparable with the brilliance of a diamond and is really the flat surfaces of a gemstone arranged in a geometrical pattern. In this case it helps characterize the refraction of light through the diamond interior. The girdle i the outer edge of a diamond surface, having 16 faces is quite large, as the girdle is the largest section of a gem, but also the thinnest when viewed from the side. In this case, having 73 facets puts the Nadan-I-Noor in either the Princess-Cut Diamond or Radiant Cut Diamond category, which are also the most expensive as they have the most possible facets.
• having 4-fold, mirror-image symmetry refers to how the light reflects internally to the diamond and indicates there are no impurities within the crystalline structure.
• interestingly a purity rating is not given, i would expect something like a F or IF (flawless/internally flawless) for a diamond described like this, but one isn't provided.
• the angles of incidence just describe the best way for light to enterefract from the diamond, these numbers are fake, but the metric is real
• there is a lot of sanscript written around the diamond markings, I can't figure out what if anything it means it looks like repeated nonsense
• could be a nod to the Koh-i-noor or "mountain of light" diamond, although this one in Persian is the "fool of light".

We open back to see Carina and Sarah looking at classified files within the restaurant. THIS IS AGAINST THE LAW, you do not look at classified files out in the open and especially not where there are clearly other customers around. Venturing into the BuyMore, there is a monster truck rally on the TV's showing grave digger and reaper, two famous trucks from this time period. Morgan wants to spread his wings and be the fourth wheel to the perpetual 3 wheel party and Sarah, ever the schemer, literally glows when she thinks of the plan to have Carina go on a date with Morgan. I THINK this was just to help maintain their cover, but also maybe Sarah is just needling Carina? If you look in the back of the store when Chuck is talking to Sarah and Carina, there is a really cool Nerd Herd poster that says "Bringing peace to your computer emergency". "if a yawn could yawn" is Carina calling Sarah's job boring #2. One thing I really like with the double data is the way the camera jumps between the couples: boy/girl, boy/boy, girl/girl. I think they way they try and keep private conversations via screen time is a really nice, typical, teleplay trick that really works well here. In a "real" environment, everyone could hear everything, but by splitting the camera focus or playing with perspective, the viewer clearly knows "this is a conversation between girls the boys don't hear it". We see Chuck noticing Sarah picking off olives #2 while they watch a movie about penguins: who mate for life, present their love in the form of rocks, and are pack animals. In Chuck's bedroom as he talks to Morgan, Chuck has a box of King Edward Invincible underneath bongos; for those who don't know this is a famous box for mild tobacco cigars. So I wonder what Chuck is up to in his free time :P.
On the Nerd Herd call with Carina, she opens a bottle of wine with a butter knife. This is actually a pretty famous thing that is done all over the world with everything from a key to a saber. In fact they make a specially type of knife with an extra wide blade for this it Italy. I do want to ask the question; is Carina dressed in red lingerie (Chuck's favorite color she stole from Sarah) really necessary for this scene? I know that Carina is all about improvising and she often uses her sexuality to progress her cause (Casey), but I think we could have gotten away with just the top. I can certainly see the rationalization for going this far, but I think as an artistic choice it wasn't necessary. What IS necessary however is to talk about how Chuck's world implodes when Carina tells him about Sarah and Bryce. Also the perfect act transition ending right at Chuck's jaw dropping and the work boyfriend!
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ACT II
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I'll say it again, the back an forth with Chuck and Sarah should have been a medium close up, shoulder level straight on shot instead of the constant cuts. Seeing their reaction in real time would have been easier and it would have allowed the Weinerlicious to be maybe 15 ft smaller to not need so many cameramen rotating. "Unless talking to your boyfriend is a matter of national security, the ketchup bottles won't refill themselves". Why yes it IS a mater of national security for Sarah to talk to Chuck... also if any one of us stood up to our boss like Sarah did, I'm pretty sure we'd be fired on the spot!
Malibu is ~2hours for Echo Park with standard LA traffic. Seriously, how do girls in high heels walk down stairs; we see Carina and Sarah walking sideways so there is enough space on each step to fit their shoes. Girls, how do you do that and not fall especially with narrow staircases and 3-6inch heels! Inside the room with the stone there is a bust of Cesare, archenemies, da vinci, and biblical David. There is also some famous paintings the best of which is Vemieer's "young girl with a pearl earring" which is rather appropriate considering it's meaning. There is also a Van Gogh of man in a wheat field and a Monet in one shot too. If ANY of these paintings were real instead of reproductions, they would be worth millions, in fact the young girl with a pearl is estimated at 40million, which is 1.5x the sell value of the Nadan-I-Noor! If we take a look at the engineering drawing of Flash #2 on the pedestal, we would see this design creates a closed circuit around the tongs the diamond rests on; which might explain it's red hue. If a person were to touch the diamond, it would close the circuit on their body allowing the 4000volts to travel through their heart. A person can die with ~20volts, though it's usually more like 50 in most occurrences. 4000volts is enough to kill a herd of elephants and completely overkill for a person. Also the amount of power that would take is more than the city of Malibu... this is to say the trap is real, the numbers are complete nonsense; thinking lightning! Nice shot by Sarah with the plate (there are some great bloopers on this too where she misses badly)! A remote controlled jet ski... i'm not even going to calculate the nonsense for this; it's just total nonsense. Almost as much nonsense as Casey using his phone to track Carina's call. That would take minutes, even with today's technology to back trace like that and way more power than just pushing a button on a razer flip-phone from the 90's!
back at the house, Chuck i playing halo with the legendary skulls as his weapon; this is nice because in the BuyMore at the end of the episode there are dudes dressed as master chief! I really like the changing perspective here with Chuck and Morgan. Chuck's reactions remain in focus while Morgan tells a story behind him, then it switches as Chuck starts to move around until bringing both into focus for the final line "we still have each other and that's really sad". The side cut to Sarah picking locks to the hotel door is classic early 2000's TV and i'm all for it, even if it is super cheezy. BTW as someone who used to lock pick in college, that's .... not how that works, but good try. We get our Flash #3 on the diamond in Morgan's back nuclear explosions. I wonder if the refractive capability of a diamond this pure is enough to focus laser to induce fission or if the value of selling the diamond is enough to buy nuclear material on the black market? Either way, we end the act with... the man with the golden gun!
​
ACT III
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Chuck uses Sarah's plate move against Carina, nice inter-episode call back; he's clearly watching/learning, but his aim is terrible. This was actually clever as Sarah has perfect aim for she is a professional, while Chuck is still definitely a civilian and has no aptitude for fighting. I really like both these types of simple call backs but also how seemingly throw-away lines/actions help tell the broad story of the show. Chuck talking to Carina also shows Chuck has this weird, innate aptitude to get people to re-evaluate themselves and grow internally. You can watch Carina "grow in real-time. When we get to the hotel and Carina opens her trunk first there are a few glocks, a couple rugers, and a 1911; then she switches to blades and we see some folders, some strait blades, an illegal gravity blade (still illegal today), and a kbar... nice selection! Carina, always the flirt, gives Chuck some very insightful works about the nature of being a spy, but also maybe some way to get through to Sarah.
Inside the hotel we see Carina and Sarah speaking; Carina is speaking Swedish, while Sarah replies in Polish. "Om jag slänger nycklarna till dig, kommer du tappa dem då?" which is Swedish for "If I throw you the keys, will you drop them?" Sarah answered in Polish: "Tylko jak rzucisz jak twoja mamusia", which means "Only if you throw it like your mommy". This is just great!
I want to talk about how fast Chuck managed to find an address for DC, print a label, open a box, put the label on, and get the diamond there all before the door gets broken. Somehow on screen time this is like 10seconds, but in real life this would have to be like 3minutes minimum? Either that door is remarkably strong or... TV magic??
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ACT IV
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Even with all the flirting, as we say goodbye to Carina >! for now !< she is still joking with Casey and every the professional. I like how they show when it's "game time" it's all about the job, but spys can be people too! Carina still calls Sarah's life boring #3 (the common trifecta of episode repeats).
Sarah's face when Chuck brings the pizza with no olives is the reason I think Yvonne makes the perfect Sarah. She exudes the hidden beauty needed and has the acting to so such emotion for Chuck being sweet. The whole scene with Chuck and Sarah asking questions, then Chuck backing off, then Sarah acting stoic like she WANTS to open up but doesn't know if she can really trust Chuck, is ready to move on from Bryce, and should for the nature of her job. This was probably the most well acted 20seconds of the entire episode. Finally, we hear Sarah's middle name is Lisa. Now we never officially know if Chuck hears this or not both due to camera focus and distance, it's never officially confirmed in the entire show. When the intersect is updated in season 4 we see Sarah's picture and it lists Lisa as a middle name, so we assume it's official, but it's never confirmed at any point. Finally, I really like how they end the episode with Sarah closing her eyes as the fade to black.
​
Few notes: There are 5 official songs in this episode:

• "Yea Yeah" by Matt and Kim - when the gang is playing board games during group date night. This song is about not worrying about the things you cannot change. Little things that build up and bum you out that you need to just let go.
• "Wild Girl" Matt Pond PA - Chuck and Morgan discussing their relationship problems. This song is about overcoming past struggles and finding hope in the present and future. Describing a sense of resilience and optimism
• "weird science" by does it offend you - Chuck and Carina talk at Peyman' Malibu Compound. This is a remind to break free and embrace individuality and live on your own terms. Be unapologetically ourselves.
• Shy by Mathew Dear - the double date
• "Fall into place" the apartment - the team say's goodby to Carina. Deals with growing up, taking (or not taking) chances. finding oneself in the unpredictability of life. I have to say, we don't actually hear the lyrics to any of these songs during the episode just the melody, but I don't really appreciate the music choices here. I feel like there were better options at key points, so that's a miss from me.
  
• On the DVD for Season One the word Wookiee is spelled incorrectly, leaving off the last E.
  
• "It used to be titled "Chuck Versus the Speedo" because the main bad guy in this show is this dude who wears a Speedo all the time. Then when the casting guy realized he had a good amount -- and by good, I mean healthy, a healthy amount of body hair -- they thought, why not call it "Chuck vs. the Wookiee". So it's this guy who's got this diamond, and we're trying to heist the diamond and all hell breaks loose." ―Zachary Levi quoted by Access Hollywood discussing this episode's title
  

​
I think this was a great episode and really showcased what they can do when additional cast members join the team and when they are not afraid to play with perspective. Mimi as Carina is a great addition to the ensemble and I wish we saw her more, but every time she drops in, it's always a wild episode and it's fantastic. Watching Chuck learn about Sarah and seeing Sarah start to open up is a good way forward and heck Casey had some of the best humor in the episode. Overall, it was fast paced, had some nice character development, as funny in the best way, and moved the main theme along, 8/10.

I was waiting to get ELDO as the last samples of spring before I made decisions on summer buys.
Fils de Dieu du Riz et des Agrumes - I'm glad I tried this more than once because it definitely grew on me. It was still a bit of a disappointment because the notes looked almost perfect on paper, but it was a “like” not a “love”. The ginger-lime note is outstanding, but I wanted the rice, coconut, and cardamom middle notes to be brighter. The rice smelled dull and dry and the amber tonka drydown is not my favorite either. The lime came and went throughout the day. I'd be happy to get this as a gift but wouldn't spend my own money on it. I prefer the jasmine/pandan coconut rice notes in Chokedee (Strangers).
La Fin du Monde - I like both the carroty top notes and the vetiver and sandalwood base. The orris can be hit or miss for me, and here it was way too heavy. I wish this had leaned into the more unusual notes and brought the gunpowdepopcorn/sesame forward more. The first hour was good but I didn't like the powdery drydown at all. OTOH, I loved Lost Alice (Masque Milano) from first spray to drydown - also a carrot-pepper-orris-sandalwood scent but with distinct milk and tea notes and stronger carrot notes.
Remarkable People - the grapefruit, cardamom, and labdanum notes sounded great but most reviews said it was very sweet and wasn’t long-lasting. I don't think I've ever had an experience was so different from the consensus reviews. I am drowning in curry. And while I like curry, I prefer it as dinner, not perfume. The cardamom and labdanum increase the funkiness. The grapefruit makes it worse not better. I'm going to a work coffee in the morning and I don't think I should show up smelling like grapefruit curry. I don't think I should subject anyone to this. I'm realizing I'm never going to wear this again anywhere.
The Ghost in the Shell - trying this out of curiosity with no expectation of finding the perfect scent. I’m hoping for weird milky mossiness and not for Dove soap. The first spray really does smell like burnt plastic and soap (and yuzu). The drydown is a slightly synthetic creamy yuzu-jasmine skin scent. Your skin but weirder. I like this but it has too much soap and just doesn’t fit with my vibe overall. Also my explanation of why I don’t watch Bridgerton.
Tl;dr
Two likes, one meh, and one hate, but no loves. The Ghost in the Shell wasn't really the vibe I’m looking for, and Fils de Dieu and La Fin du Monde are second best to other scents with similar notes (rice and carrot, respectively). And then Remarkable People was remarkably terrible on me. I’m not too disappointed because not having more loves makes my buying decisions easier. I am grateful for the packaging too - the sample boxes will be good for travel.

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Synopsis:
Juliette Contzen is a lazy, good-for-nothing princess. Overshadowed by her siblings, she's left with little to do but nap, read … and occasionally cut the falling raindrops with her sword. Spotted one day by an astonished adventurer, he insists on grading Juliette's swordsmanship, then promptly has a mental breakdown at the result.
Soon after, Juliette is given the news that her kingdom is on the brink of bankruptcy. At threat of being married off, the lazy princess vows to do whatever it takes to maintain her current lifestyle, and taking matters into her own hands, escapes in the middle of the night in order to restore her kingdom's finances.
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Action, Fantasy, Copious Ohohohohos.
Chapter 247: Subjective Mercy
Dawn was a novelty to Renise.
Not because she was a late riser. On the contrary, she readily woke up before even the alley cats of Reitzlake. And they were nothing if not prompt in securing their territory.
It’s just that any dawn was hard to admire while she was crawling beneath the streets.
That’s not to say she didn’t get to see anything just as glamorous, though. In the sewers beneath the cracked cobblestone of Pennyvale Road and Sipton Corner, she often saw enough stolen gold tucked away to form a sight brighter than any morning.
And once, she even found a die with 20 sides. She thought that was very interesting.
Thus, even as the sun peeked across the horizon, Renise barely paid any attention. Especially as doing so would remind her of exactly how many hours it’d been since she last slept.
But she had no right to complain.
After all–
“Hoooph!”
The guards requisitioned to her service couldn’t.
Even now, their eyes were as wide as when she’d brought them here. And not all of it from shame that a large smuggling operation had taken place upon their doorstep.
They wiped sweat from their brows as they hauled the proceeds of crime from the depths of tunnels, the corners of barns and the hidden hatches found between them. All the while, Renise was there to assist, searching each nook and cranny to ensure that every mug rimmed with cobwebs and filled with pilfered gemstones was recovered.
The result was a sight grander than the pale light stretching across the horizon. A veritable mountain of recovered goods, stacked in semi-organised fashion in the centre of the farmstead.
No fields of wheat grew as of yet. But that didn’t mean there was no golden gleam.
The chests of crowns in Baroness Arisa’s chamber was the mainstay of the haul. A cursory examination placed the amount grand enough to purchase half a castle outright. But Renise knew it wasn’t a castle the baroness had wanted. It was a kingdom–and more.
That’s what the rest of the goods were for.
Sacks and crates unending. Enough grain and foodstuffs to last many winters and more. Had she wished to, the baroness could have sheltered in her hole and sat through whatever calamity she’d wished to trigger. Or she could have used it in lieu of gold when stomachs were empty and hearts were hard, to feed crowds of rioting commoners or the loyalty of wavering soldiers.
A scheme as audacious as it was unlikely. And thus very much devised by nobility.
Renise understood that well.
Just as she understood that nobility rarely allowed themselves to dream of an empire without guarantees in place. And she intended on querying what they were, and who had offered them.
Turning from the mound of gathered items, she made her way over to the girl huddling beside the steps of her stolen and dilapidated manor.
With her knees up, arms wrapped around them and face buried in said arms for good measure, Baroness Arisa Sandholt was less a noblewoman fallen at the final hurdle of a grand scheme and more a girl who had not been told ‘no’ enough times to understand the consequences of her actions.
And there would be many. More than her hands could hope to manage.
After all–
Renise had read Juliette’s judgement.
The former noblewoman approached the girl under guard. She nodded at the tired watchers. And when they left to join their colleagues in taxing their shoulders, she knelt down to look at the kingdom’s most recent shadow of Lady Lucina Tolent.
And what a poor one it was.
Still, Renise grimaced on the baroness’s behalf.
Despite recent events, she held little personal acrimony towards her. Neither smuggling nor treason were new concepts, after all. The scale was grander than what remained of the plots in the royal capital. But this simply meant more bureaucracy. Renise would live. And so would the baroness, should she not recklessly throw away what the princess’s mercy was willing to offer.
Mercy, of course, being subjective.
Still kneeling beside her, Renise attempted to peer past the buried face, almost akin to a teacher with a sulking child.
Then, she sighed.
“Baroness Arisa Sandholt. It is demeaning for you to remain like this. If nothing else, I invite you to sit upon the steps. There’s no need to dirty yourself upon the soil. Particularly as it’ll be some time before we’re finished here.”
Renise waited for an acknowledgement. Or more preferably a finger pointing out the hidden corners she’d doubtless missed.
She received nothing. And so she resigned herself to however many nights it’d require to fully empty out the tunnels.
This, also, was nothing new to her.
“... Uuuuh …”
All of a sudden, a weak, pitiable groan came from the baroness, still unseen behind her knees.
Renise wasn’t certain what to do other than hope for a follow-up. When it didn’t arrive, she instead brushed down her maid’s uniform of any dirt, before promptly undoing it by taking a seat beside the baroness, knees up and thoroughly uncomfortable.
“I notice the grounds are quite extensive,” she said lightly. “An impressive thing you’ve built, for one whose family lineage is pouring ales. May I ask how the career change to smuggling came about?”
No sound met her, other than the huffing of the beleaguered guards as they toiled like farmers beneath the sun.
Renise leaned in to pluck a leaf from the baroness’s hair.
She responded by slowly falling onto her side, still with her face buried around her legs. A perfect imitation of a shrivelled up caterpillar. Renise had a feeling the princess would have commented. She herself kindly chose not to.
For now.
“... Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhh …”
Again, a weak groan of despair filled the crisp air alight with the early dawn.
Again, Renise wasn’t sure what the correct response was.
She’d known many members of the nobility to have fallen while clutching themselves in agony, most often after being rejected to a dance. And yet as emotionally damaging as those instances were, they paled in comparison to the distress of having her private gallery revealed to the same princess her portraits consisted of.
But it could have been worse.
She wasn’t sure how. But it could have been.
“Baroness Arisa,” said Renise, attempting to speak with a slightly more scolding tone. “This is far too belittling. Until you have been formally stripped of your title, you are still a member of this kingdom’s nobility–whether or not you wish it. You do yourself little favours by remaining as you are.”
At last, the baroness lifted her face away from her knees. She didn’t raise herself from the ground.
Puffy eyes unused to the unyielding dawn met her. And also cheeks still blotchy with humiliation. And then lips quivering with the strength required to form words.
“... My life is over,” she said, her voice strangled with grief.
“You do not know that, Baroness Arisa.”
The girl shook her head, golden hair flailing upon the dirt.
“My life is over,” she merely repeated, her eyes becoming distant and hollow. “The princess … she saw … all my portraits … it’s all over …”
Renise watched as what dignity remained slowly drained before her.
She decided to put a stop to it before she became a withered slug.
After all, the princess in question still had uses for her.
“Your life isn’t yours to judge,” she said, standing up before the baroness. “But it is the 3rd Princess’s. Would you care to know it?”
Renise unfurled a letter from the pockets only her uniform defied impracticality enough to possess.
The baroness uncurled herself slightly, the better to see the back of the letter. Even so, she made no effort to reach for it.
With a sigh, Renise looked over the neatly written edict and began to read.
To Baroness (Insert Name) Arisa Sandholt,
I would like to extend my gratitude for the paintings donated as badly needed furnishing for Soap Island and its inhabitants. This act of charity has not gone unnoticed.
In order to further develop your talents with a brush, I hereby command that you take up position as artist-in-residence upon Soap Island, where you shall have the freedom of its golden beaches, open air, and time enough to paint to your heart’s desire. As long as the paintings are of me.
Upon creation of a work I judge to be satisfactory, I shall deem your rehabilitation complete.
Please note this is an unpaid residency.
Princess Juliette Contzen.
Renise had filled in the bit with the missing name.
For a moment, she did nothing but wait for the baroness’s response. It was slow to come. But when it did, it was with both hands raised to her mouth, unable to hide the despair which came from it.
Indeed, it was a sentence which offered little hope of release.
The stipulation of release was both poetic and severe. For the only way the baroness could ever hope to create a sufficient painting was to first remove her pride and her malice. To be commanded to do what she previously did in twisted animosity would surely result in nothing but empty canvases from this moment on, such was the egoism of nobility.
But there was more to this than meets the eye.
Indeed … Renise had no doubt about the princess’s intentions.
The stipulation for a work to be judged as satisfactory was merely a ruse. The day the baroness realised the error of her ways and painted a single portrait, Renise had no doubt it would be accepted as proof of her atonement.
Such subtlety, doubtless woven from all her days at the royal court … Renise could only acknowledge it with envy–as could the baroness, who only now slowly sat up upon the dirt.
Except there was one problem.
“The princess … wishes for me to paint her?”
Her voice came out as barely a squeak, still covered by her hands, and yet those grey eyes were as wide as the very sun now cresting the horizon.
“She does, yes,” answered Renise, hearing the caution in her own voice.
A moment of silence passed between them.
The baroness reached up for the letter. Renise offered it, then waited as the girl’s eyes ran across the words, barely pausing at the scribbled amendment to her name at the top.
“The princess … she extends her gratitude for what I have painted.”
“So she does.”
“She wishes for them to be used as decoration.”
Renise slowly nodded.
In truth, she was still extremely unsure about the entire matter of what … Soap Island was. But the princess had been insistent that the existing paintings be sent there.
“That is correct … yes.”
Renise said nothing more.
Ordinarily, she would be wishing the girl a heartfelt plea to understand the mercy shown to her. And to hope that in time, she would come to understand the folly of her pride. Particularly as the baroness’s hands began to shake, crumpling the letter.
Ordinarily.
Because those hands were not shaking with clear resentment.
“This letter … is for me.”
Renise pursed her lips.
“Yes, it is.”
“I … I thought she would exile me … or merely forget again I existed the moment her back was turned.”
“Your crimes are not so little that she could allow you to be.”
“Indeed … she acknowledges me. My talents. She … She wishes for an even finer portrait.”
A moment later–
The baroness brought the letter close to her … and tightly held it against chest as her lips quivered into a zany smile. The puffiness upon her cheeks vanished, replaced only with a shine as radiant as the sun.
And then, her eyes grew hazy as she stared into the distance at the back of one who had long since left.
Yes.
The princess had made a grave error.
This baroness … would not hesitate to paint more of her.
She would not hesitate to paint until she’d created a portrait so fine that it could match the Plafond De Dix Mille Cygnes painted upon the vestibule of the Reitzlake Cathedral. Renise knew this with as much certainty in her heart as the effort it would take to forget this conversation ever occurred.
But she could not do so yet.
Not while she still had questions to ask. And none regarding the preoccupation with the princess.
The baroness had not acted alone. There were those who helped to pry open both her purse strings and her mind to this misadventure.
Renise expected few helpful answers.
The baroness may have dreamt of an empire. But she was a pawn upon a board where another was already lined to take her place. And those who played at intrigue and lived beyond a night were not known for idle gossip.
A trying task.
Although Rose House was named in opposition to the lotuses from the east, she knew full well that she possessed no thorn which could hope to prick the shadows so heavy that they stifled all who sought to grow against them.
Until now, that is.
Renise would not allow the princess’s charity to go to waste.
There was much she had to do before the two paramount smugglers of the kingdom could be offered a stay of execution. A conversation with the Crown Prince being one of them. But it would involve no pleading tears. Only words as cold as the iron her parents were currently shackled to.
But first things first.
She could not return while any tasks lay unfinished. That would be an indictment against all of them.
“Ahem … Baroness Arisa, I’ve matters of importance to discuss with you before you are sent to perform the princess’s wishes. And should you desire her added gratitude, you would do well to answer them.”
The baroness ceased hugging her letter. Broken from her temporary stupor, the smile slowly faded from her lips as she looked up.
And then continued to look up.
Because as the light cresting Renise’s shoulders became cold, and the joy of spring which played upon the ends of her hair faded and died, all which could be seen of the baroness was her faraway eyes as she stared tellingly at the dimming horizon.
In that moment, whatever questions Renise had were all shortly replaced by a single one.
“… Why is it suddenly so dark?”
She turned around.
And then she paled … as she witnessed the dawn being ushered from the sky.
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1. Mason is the left brain of Putin and in Putin already to gay meth 1.1 They desire unborning at death and be just his yitvah awesome self Evil Putin and Lost his Mental Hospital to An APOCALYPSE so is roaming the overworld and unrelated good and putin have their son killed to kortac and kortac is in rebellion in the texas rebellion and this is not done to their Hake and Violet being recovered manually with Charlotte, Pennsylvania's Reds Collection capacity of the zeroth underworld given to recover then and Putin is simply unborn in the shower with his gay meth reduced and he is with the left brain of korbis who is doing gay meth and this wasn't korbis2 it is korbis, who ordered korbis 2 and korbis is a leftenant in the special forces of britian SAS by her description but this is SASS which she is saying to one person to the other, CRASS CLOWN is involved here and i do not beat with soap out of korbis her putin nor do it surgically nor do it any way but mitosis of korbis' body into the unborn putin who his body wanted this at the overworld due to gay meth and this gives a dental cleaning to korbis which she did actually have caries actually and this fixes them and she is not lobo or fucked up in any way that is illegal now and she is back in her SAS training after she takes meth, she is in the extensive shower of putins palace in what resembled minecraft in real life and doing SAS training again and I will note she has loam of paintball gun which this is a super useful tool there and she wears PHANTASM/CLOAK so is a phantasm there so has no problem with her paintball gun but is not minecraft phantasm but SOCOM phantasm and this takes mason to the shower with me which I had sexual SAS training with mason as a child which makes this legal and we are then both unborn as me violet roze and mason khordovosky mated at the cervix which my name says violate my cervix and his baby penis is sized to fit in my cervix which by the end of this it naturally creates two special place because I already had this and yields another famous sex magic contest between mason and violet this time together, pairs, and never ever yields a pair bond mason is always referencing the arcane or his style and i have my style and this installs aquastyle on me without waterboarding me because my god arceus is fucking me not for real and I have a lot of loam then and am hungry but stay in the shower we are already there 3 years in an actual shower not a minecraft shower of Agua Substantia los no Meurtos and Sedative Chelator Mainly and the typical magic for two people in the shower given where an Attack Helicopter just for them is Targeting them at Any Time and given As to mason and violet so that mason still speaks the as he is required to do this and every time yields a pencildick mexican as a disney princess, Fiona which is ironic, Fiona is ginger, and Healed of missing of one eye for her mexican heritage discipline and I fuck mason 6 years and we never needed code fiona drink for room 402 and I have a huge deal of reds on 27 battalion who took their sweet time and fix them up all the way with surgery and reds the whole clinic so am a mother at age 9 and have the baby at age 9.7 and am a mother at age 10.7 and have no further babies as an actual mother and stay in my shower 9 years 1 year extra until I have Squatters rights and this transports me to the Second Underworld and the reds food is so good it heals me of only having food of semen before this and I sell my shower to blackwater for 700,000$ and this is transferred to kieth as his apocalypse car payment, he demands USD payment for damages and gets his nyan ferrari and loam of dead mouse five, just like justin, which dead mouse five used to be so HVT with studio on the inside of dead mouse five hillary clinton was him.

I've got what I think is a mostly exhaustive list of the new fiction podcasts that came out this month, which may be of interest to those looking for new shows. Feel free to tell me any I've missed, and I'll update it. (Note, "new" here means that the Ep1 of the RSS feed was released.) Listened to any of them that you would recommend?
I've given up trying to include the full list here, as it's increasingly large, and reddit keeps throwing excess character problems. So the full list is here:
https://audiofiction.co.uk/collections/month.php?year=2024&month=5&form_submit=Search
And the ongoing updates (just in case you don't want to wait for the end of the month) are available here:
https://www.tumblr.com/audiofictionuk
https://twitter.com/AudioDramaDebut (though I'm doing it on twitter less now, as it's got rubbish).
Want a weekly email newsletter of all of these as I find them? Join my patreon to get access to that:
https://www.patreon.com/thecambridgegeek
You can now join for free! (I will still take money, but it's not required.)
And the full database is searchable here by title:
https://audiofiction.co.uk/search.php
or a tagging system:
https://audiofiction.co.uk/search2.php
(Want to improve the tags for your podcast? Use this form:
https://audiofiction.co.uk/submit.php)
Want an RSS feed of new fiction podcast trailers to sample what's out there? Try this:
https://audiofiction.co.uk/trailers.php
Persuasion by Jane Austen - Classics Audio Book
D20PR - CASA XANATHAR - Comedy Audio Book (Italian)
Well Turned Ankle - Comedy Audio Book
The 3’000 Year Long Lemon Ant War - Comedy Audio Book
I Delitti Di Montescuro - Crime and Mystery Audio Book (Italian)
What Emma Left Behind - Crime and Mystery Audio Book
The House That Shadows Built - Cyberpunk Audio Book
Don't touch me - Erotica Audio Book
Double The Popcorn - Fanfiction Audio Book
Surrogate: The Director's Cut - The Podfic - Fanfiction Audio Book
Imagitopia - Fantasy Audio Book
Spectacle of Power - Fantasy Audio Book
The Heartless Knaves - Fantasy Audio Book
The Strangefells: The Death's Left Hand Series - Fantasy Audio Book
The Wizard's Library - Fantasy Audio Book
Dearest - Historical Audio Book
TEMPS DE SEGA - Historical Audio Book (Catalan)
Aahat Suno Podcast - Horror Audio Book (Hindi)
Ghostly encounters. - Horror Audio Book
halb da - Horror Audio Book (German)
Monster Parade Podcast - Horror Audio Book
Mournwynd - Horror Audio Book
Queer Ghoul - Horror Audio Book
This Machine Belongs To - Horror Audio Book
Way Out - Horror Audio Book
Halfway to Infinity - Multigenre Audio Book
The Ten-Minute Storyteller - Multigenre Audio Book
Resar Noir - Noir Audio Book
Dreaming Machines Novels - Post-apocalypse Audio Book
Shayad Is Baar - Romance Audio Book (Hindi)
Trader's Tales From the Golden Age of the Solar Clipper - Science fiction Audio Book
Joffrey vous raconte - Thriller and Psychological Audio Book
Twitchals Book 1: Dwindling Magic - Urban fantasy Audio Book
The Escapades of Action Jones - Action Audio Drama
A2Z - Adventure Audio Drama
1v1MeDM - Comedy Audio Drama
Heist - Comedy Audio Drama
The Star Driven Expulsion of Count Lastname - Comedy Audio Drama
Widdershins' Cove - Comedy Audio Drama
COLD TAPES - Crime and Mystery Audio Drama
MISPER - Crime and Mystery Audio Drama
オーディオドラマ「わたしが聴いたあなたの過去」 - Crime and Mystery Audio Drama (Japanese)
The Numbers Station - Experimental and Surreal Audio Drama
A Fairy Tale for Adults - Fantasy Audio Drama
Fables From The Forgotten - Fantasy Audio Drama
L'Antre du Gnome - Fantasy Audio Drama (French)
Song of Fairies - Fantasy Audio Drama
Tales from the Labyrinth - Fantasy Audio Drama
The Belles - Fantasy-Hörspiel-Serie nach Dhonielle Clayton WDR - Fantasy Audio Drama (German)
The Scrying House - Fantasy Audio Drama
Wanderer's Journal - Fantasy Audio Drama
Booker & Olivia - Historical Audio Drama
Code noir - Historical Audio Drama (French)
Divorce Ranch - Historical Audio Drama
Echoes of Kuliang - Historical Audio Drama
The Wedding DJ - Historical Audio Drama
Aufnahmen aus der Geisterwelt - Horror Audio Drama (German)
Sixth Door to the Left - Horror Audio Drama
Their Final Moments - Horror Audio Drama
Crimson Ink - Noir Audio Drama
Mystic PI - Noir Audio Drama
The Pirate's Prisoner - Pirates Audio Drama
Broken Lines - Realistic Audio Drama
I Witness: The Lazarus Project - Religion Audio Drama
Acorralada - Romance Audio Drama (Spanish)
Forever Yours - Romance Audio Drama
Tell Me Where It Hurts by Marco Jose - Romance Audio Drama (Filipino)
Anonymous Lover - Satire and Spoof Audio Drama
Safe Society - Satire and Spoof Audio Drama
Deathless - Science fiction Audio Drama
Det goda livet - Science fiction Audio Drama (Swedish)
Eart(h) FM - Science fiction Audio Drama
From This Mouth That Bleeds - Science fiction Audio Drama
Looking Through the Light - Science fiction Audio Drama
Simulacro - Science fiction Audio Drama (Spanish)
Trials and Scriptulations - Science fiction Audio Drama
Eva Luna - Soap opera Audio Drama (Spanish)
La Maestra - Soap opera Audio Drama (Spanish)
Storm Runner - A Sci-fi Odyssey - Space opera Audio Drama
ASHFALL - Ein Fiction-Podcast - Thriller and Psychological Audio Drama (German)
Barley A Storymore Original - Thriller and Psychological Audio Drama
KHAMOSHI - Hindi Audio Thriller - Thriller and Psychological Audio Drama (Hindi)
TOUT SEUL - Thriller and Psychological Audio Drama (French)
Someone Is Killing The Wolfhounds - War and Military Audio Drama
The Small & Mighty - Adventure Audio RPG
Pulp Panic - A Fiasco Anthology - Crime and Mystery Audio RPG
Aerrigo's Odyssey - Fantasy Audio RPG
Back Online: Up Against Time - Fantasy Audio RPG
Dicey Bastards Comedy DnD Podcast - Fantasy Audio RPG
DragonMetal Saga - Fantasy Audio RPG
Gestalheim Productions - Three Mask Planning - Fantasy Audio RPG
Natural Rollers - Fantasy Audio RPG
Natural Six - Fantasy Audio RPG
Rise and Fall of Gods - Fantasy Audio RPG
Tales2D4 - Fantasy Audio RPG
The Camp Dragon Online Podcast - Fantasy Audio RPG
The Pact and Boon: A D&D 5e Actual Play Show - Fantasy Audio RPG
The Usual NPCs - Fantasy Audio RPG
Whispers in Wregate - Fantasy Audio RPG
Crisis Level: Green - Horror Audio RPG
Actual Play Broadcast - Multigenre Audio RPG
Goodberry Pie - Multigenre Audio RPG
Source Material - Multigenre Audio RPG
Twisted Fates - Multigenre Audio RPG
Rolling Midnight - Post-apocalypse Audio RPG
I Should Roll - Science fiction Audio RPG
The Astonishing Adventures of the S.S. Bad Ship - Science fiction Audio RPG
Blades in Paradise - Steampunk Audio RPG
Freddy's Tavern - The Willowbrook Chronicles - Storytelling Audio RPG
Golden Squad - Superhero Audio RPG
Vampire : La Mascarade - Las Vegas by Night - Urban fantasy Audio RPG (French)

Yikes, it's another long one... coming in at over 42 minutes, just after last week's 43 minute ordeal, it's episode 11 of Be Your Star! Since this is going to go 20 episodes, it's not like it's one of those episode 11s, but still I predict drama. As we always do, we offer huge thanks to u/MidwesternLibrarian for authoring the first two On Air posts and permitting me to plagiarize liberally. Onward!
Episode 11 Link
Be Your Star playlist with trailer
Summary (from YouTube video description): Thien Bao and Dinh Huy accidentally met on a blind date when Huy was hired to be the lover of a girl who came to force Bao to refuse the arranged marriage between him and that girl. The meeting seemed like very terrible as Huy's plan, they thought they would never see each other again. Unfortunately, the CEO of company Huy applied to be an intern was Thien Bao. Nothing would have happened if Huy hadn't recorded a video of Ha Lam and Thien Bao being affectionate with each other. Moreover, Dinh Huy found out that Ha Lam is Thien Bao ex and that mean Thien Bao is gay. Because Lam is the boyfriend of Huy's best friend - Gia Hoa. Huy used this video to warn Bao that if he continues to interfere with Hoa's love, Huy will spread the news to the whole world. Because Bao wanted to keep the secret he was gay, Bao had to accept Huy to work for him, but to keep Huy’s mouth, Thien Bao sent Huy to work at his house. In fact, two people, two opposite personalities, combined with a bad first impression of each other stay at the same place, caused countless funny stories. At first, Bao just wanted to tease Huy because he knew Huy was a straight guy, but “First make friend, then make love” Bao gradually develops feelings for Huy., his whole body was full of wounds and now his heart...
MidwesternLibrarian's Summary/TLDR: Dinh Huy (aka Blondie) pretended to be the fake lover of Thien Boa's fiancee so she could get out of an arranged marriage. Later Dinh Huy blackmails Thien Boa so he can get a job at Thien Boa's company. Thien Boa gives Dinh Huy a job...as his housekeeper.
Genres: comedy, soap opera-y?
Number of episodes: World of BL says that there will be 20 episodes.
Runtime: 33-39 minutes, depending on the episode, except episode 2, which ran only 28 minutes, and episodes 10 and 11, running 42+ minutes.
MidwesternLibrarian's Notes: I'm pretty sure 02 Productions has made the most Vietnamese BL series so far, here are the playlists. Most are what I would call soap opera-y (evil wannabe girlfriends, love triangles, violence etc.) My favorite is a short movie called The Ring Goes Missing free to watch on YouTube (it is also on GagaOOLala). It has a sassy character who I love and is not soap opera-y.
Socials
Nguyễn Bá Vinh: Instagram X/Twitter Facebook YouTube TikTok
Hồ Đông Quan: Instagram Facebook TikTok
Duy Harry: Instagram Facebook
Previous On Air posts
Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6, Episode 7, Episode 8, Episode 9, Episode 10

1. Divide and Conquer - 4/5 (Slapper intro. Pretty good for a pilot episode, but it felt like they rushed into character drama a little too quickly. Like, I only JUST now met Robin and Cyborg for the first time, so this big breakup doesn't really hit as hard as I imagine it could had it been a later episode. The animation of this show is very fun and different from typical action cartoons, though. Stuff like the characters turning into chibis and going horrendeously off-model for gags is great stuff.)
2. Sisters - 3/5 (Immediately more character conflict and drama. I'd say this one works a little better, but again, I only really now just met Starfire, so there's not a hugely established friendship between her and the Titans enough yet. On the other hand, perhaps that's for this episode's benefit, as it's about her feeling replacable, which would not be very realistic after having been established as BFFs for several seasons. And I did think her and Robin's chat was really sweet, so whatever. Also, Blackfire is just a color swap of Starfire. Sunny Tennyson much?)
3. Final Exam - 4/5 (So this episode was the first to air, but is not the "real" pilot. Strangely enough, it would almost have worked better as a pilot, since it introduces the characters in their HQ immediately followed by showing how they work as a team. The H.I.V.E. aren't the most interesting villains but Gizmo was pretty amusing. What was with the lighting in the scene where they get out of the water though? Looked strange.)
4. Forces of Nature - 4/5 (Thunder's Sonic eyes is freaking me out. Please separate them... Anyway, decent episode, even if it's mostly just Thunder and Lightning wreaking havoc and getting moral lessons from Beast Boy.)
5. The Sum of His Parts - 5/5 (Fixit. Wow, clever name. Sarcasm aside, pretty great episode. It's interesting to see Cyborg's abilities explored, and the eerieniess of Fixit about to forcibly make him a full robot was highly engaging. Although while that IS the main story, the majority of this episode is spent with the other Titans fighting Mumbo Jumbo for some reason. Not that it's back, since I liked the zany wackiness of it. But it definitely didn't need take up that much time. Also, he briefly became a Canadian from South Park.)
6. Nevermore - 4/5 (Thunder and Lightning, Mumbo Jumbo, and now Doctor Light? So far this show has had really lame villains. Not that it's a huge detriment, because unlike other superhero cartoons, the focus in most episodes seem to be more on the inner workings of the Titans themselves as opposed to whatever villain they're facing, so I guess they just pick goofy ones to jumpstart the actual plots. Which in this episode was pretty amusing. Raven's a lot more mellow than her appearance would let on. I thought she would nearly murder Cyborg and Beast Boy for breaking into her room, but she was just slightly upset. Oh and, uh, what was up with intro being in Japanese?)
7. Switched - 4/5 (Just as I mentioned the villains being "lame" in the last episode, I thought Puppet King was pretty interesting. He's not like, compelling as a character or anything, but I found the puppet schtick fairly amusing to watch. As for the actual story, while "body swap" is not the most original idea for these kinds of shows, I still found it endearing how Raven and Starfire learned about one another. But the fact that they still keep their voices makes me go grrr.)
8. Deep Six - 3/5 (There's that Japanese intro again! Apparently it's used for episodes that are more comedic, while the English is for the "serious" ones. Guess I'll see if that assessment holds up under scrutiny. So this is mostly an underwater episode, which, while not a bad setting by default, feels pretty uninspired when it's nothing but blue backgrounds and rocks. Raven horning for Aqualad sure was a sight to behold, though. Felt a bit out of character.)
9. Masks - 4/5 (Wow, Red X was Robin? No way. It's not like they had the exact same voice or anything. Anyway, as good as this episode might be, it's really just some setup for Slade's schemes, which is really only vaguely hinted at whatever it is. As a result, I don't really have much to say. Starfire's lecture about Robin not trusting them was a bit "wha" though, because, yeah, if they knew Red X was Robin, they would've held back, and it would not be convincing.)
10. Mad Mod - 3/5 (Sheesh, this episode hurts my eyes. It's a funny one, though. And it has the Japanese intro, so I guess that fact about it was true. It's nothing but the Titans chasing some Brit for the entire episode. 20 minutes of pure zaniness. And Mad Mod was a pretty amusing gag villain. I also really liked the song "K2G" that played during that Scooby-Doo parody montage.)
11. Car Trouble - 3/5 (Gizmo drove away with Cyborg's car JUST as he arrived to confront the guys who initially stole it. He would have been right in the vicinity of it, how did he not notice it driving away? LOL. Also why do the two crooks calmly tiptoe around and vaguely say they "lost it" instead of just "some guy drove away with it right behind you like 10 seconds ago!".)
12/13. Apprentice - 5/5 (Slade merely wanting an apprentice is a bit of a confusing motivation. Like, for what purpose? Once he's fully molded Robin, what does he intend to do next? Take over the world? Not that it matters, since the conflict of Robin having to betray his friends to save their lives was thrilling enough. Although part 2 is obviously the better half, because the first is mostly just setup for that. Robin also makes a sick Batman reference, but can't directly mention him because of the Bat-embargo. LOL. Side note, the effect of the probes being the characters becoming...orange with a buncha circles wiggling around them was odd.)
14. How Long is Forever? - 5/5 (Robin just brooding in front of the speakers was funny. LOL. Anyway, the way time travel is handled here is confusing. I suppose it always is, but here it seems to function so that during the period Starfire was travelling 20 years, she simply did not exist during them. But she came back to the past in the end, meaning historically, she always returned. So instead of time travel looping around itself, I guess in this series when you travel, you're just gone. And if you return, the timeline you go back to will be a completely different one. That aside, it was neat to see the future Titans, although sheesh my guy Beast Boy aged horribly. And I find it hard to believe the entire city would become a dystopia like this, considering the Titans aren't the only heroes around.)
15. Every Dog Has His Day - 5/5 (Pretty solid for a zany comedy episode. Beast Boy becoming a dog to get bitches (pun intended) was funny. And the whole schtick of the Titans mistaking an actual green dog for him lent itself to a lot of good comedy. The reveal that that the dog is actually intelligent and can speak sort of "ruins" what made that aspect funny in the first place, but it doesn't affect the episode's quality or anything, so that's just a nitpick. Soto was pretty freaky though. Reminded me of Tiny from Ben 10.)
16. Terra - 4/5 (Yikes, Terra is scrawny. She's like a walking stick. I guess she has earth powers, although it's not really explored how or why. Though, at this point in the show, I've obviously learned that stuff is not something it prioritizes. Anyway, this episode is very good, but it's mostly just introduction to Terra and then a teaser that she is Slade's new apprentice victim. I'm interested for where that goes, but I don't have much else to say about this one specifically.)
17. Only Human - 4/5 (Not to go all Facts & Logic:tm:, but humans also have a limit to which they can use their muscles, so on a technical sense, Cyborg's conflict in this episode doesn't make much sense. Especially since he exceeds 100% by the end anyway, showing it was always possible. Not to diminish the story or anything, because I did find his conflict around it genuinely engaging. And the moment when he rises up to the challenge to actually beat Atlas is obviously very cathartic and rewarding. But also LOL that Atlas picked a beef with Cyborg over losing in a video game.)
18. Fear Itself - 4/5 (Here I spent the entire episode expecting the "obvious" reveal that everything scary that happened was a prank by the Titans to prove to Raven that she can be scared. Guess I was a little overconfident in that since it turns out she was just accidentally doing it herself.)
19. Date with Destiny - 4/5 (Hey, it's Spider-Man. I mean, Fang. That was a pretty freaky character design. Just a guy with a huge spider as his entire head. This episode felt like it ramped up the wacky animation to 11, particularly with nearly every motion Kitten makes. And that bit with Starfire's mouth falling into the punch stuck out, too. That aside, pretty cute episode. Starfire's jealousy is amusing.)
20. Transformation - 3/5 (Does the Titan Tower only have bathroom? That's ridiculous. It's huge! Anyway, not to complain about power inconsistency or whatever, but Starfire being able to instantly fly several hundred thousand kilometers away from Earth pretty much instantly, not to mention be able to breathe in space is a bit excessive. She's not Green Lantern... That aside, this was alright. It's neat to find out more about Tamaranians, but Starfire has already learned the "my friends will like me no matter what" lesson before.)
21. Titan Rising - 4/5 (Why is Raven so pissy at Terra? Like, I know she's moody and has a low temper, but raging at someone just trying their best? A bit out of character. That said, I still enjoyed the rivarly. I like Terra on the team. It's fun that they're expanding the roster.)
22. Winner Take All - 3/5 (Why does the Master of Games need people to lose a battle before he can absorb them and their powers? Why doesn't he just do it to all of them on the spot? I found it funny that Beast Boy lost the first round. When the episode began I was expecting some epic final battle between the three main characters. But nope, he just loses and is gone for the rest of the episode.)
23. Betrayal - 4/5 (That was a bit of a rushed betrayal. Terra is introduced in one episode, instantly leaves within the same one, makes a big comeback 4 episodes later, and betrays them in the very next while it's treated like some devastating loss to the team. Well, there is the game episode in between. But also she isn't even in that save for a silent cameo in one shot in the end, so that barely counts! That said I still liked the emotional beats of the story from Beast Boy's perspective and such, so I'm not hating on how this was done. I just think this could've meant more if she actually was a member of the Titans for the episodes leading up to this betrayal. On a lighter note, I liked Beast Boy's theatrical scenarios of how he should have asked her out.)
24. Fractured - 3/5 (So in-between the previous, serious, dramatic episode, and the upcoming 2-part finale which will obviously be about Terra, they felt they needed an episode about some annoying imp doing zany nonsense. Not that the show is a stranger to that stuff, but this wasn't nearly as charming as Mad Mod.)
25/26. Aftershock - 4/5 (Pretty standard "epic finale" fare, but obviously it's good because I liked this Terra arc, as rushed as it may have been. Her turning on Slade and even being the one who ends up killing him was pretty thrilling stuff. I didn't think they'd actually go that far, considering he's like the main villain of the series. But while that final battle between Beast Boy and Terra was pretty great due to the resonance and such it contains, I feel like the episode took up a lot of time having the Titans fight various miscellaneous characters leading up to it, that just wasn't as interesting. Side note, Raven and Terra just being colored completely brown to simulate being muddy stuck out to me. I don't know why. Mainly because most shows would draw wiggly lines to simulate the muddiness, not just one blank color.)
27. Deception - 4/5 (I know this show is episodic so stuff like this is bound to happen, but it is a bit eyerolling that characters seem to just learn the same lessons over and over. Like in this episode, Cyborg is beating himself up over being a cyborg, but by the end he accepts himself the way he is. A lesson he has learned in 2 episodes prior to this already. Not that I didn't think it was well done. His chat with Starfire was sweet, and the whole thing about him being undercover was entertaining too, so it's not much of an issue.)
28. X - 4/5 (So some guy steals Robin's Red X costume and takes up the mantle... But he also conveniently sounds exactly like Robin? Sure, because THAT makes sense. For the most part this episode is just baiting you into wanting to know who Red X is, but then NEVER answers it. Pretty rude. Nevertheless, it was still interesting. Also Professor Chang's design reminds me of Inspector 13 from Ben 10.)
29. Betrothed - 3/5 (Titans just casually flying to another planet like it's a mere road trip. OK. Is The Batman funding this or what? Also, that scene of Robin outside the spaceship made me LOL. Anyway it's interesting to see Tamaran thoroughly explored upon and such, but it's a bit absurd that every single person on the planet wears basically the exact same outfit.)
30. Crash - 4/5 (Cyborg's cybernetic features are confusing. Firstly, how could a digital virus affect his brain, which is clearly a biological component? Second, how and why are there red blood cells flowing in the "veins" of his mechanical parts? Nitpicking logic in a goofy joke episode aside, this was great stuff. I liked that they had to reluctantly get Gizmo to help, and Cyborg going nuts was just entertaining in its own right. I think the interior of his cybernetic parts were interestingly designed, and Beast Boy as an amoeba is just absurd but fun. Although it's inconsistent that he's able to talk while in that form, since he can't when he's any other animal.)
31. Haunted - 5/5 (This was pretty grim, but very thrilling. Given Slade was established as like the main villain of the show, even though it seemed obvious he was imaginary, I kept asking myself if he was actually real or not to come capacity, since I doubt the series would get rid of its main villain that easily. And well, they DID imply somebody else activated the hallucination chemical from the mask, so, like, yeah, he's clearly coming back. That said, if it was all in Robin's head, how did he get all those bruises and rips in his clothes? By punching the air? And why did Beast Boy have a cold in this episode? I guess they needed some comedic relief so it wouldn't be too grim for Cartoon Network.)
32. Spellbound - 4/5 ("Kardiak, you're under arrest". I get it. Because he is a heart. Pretty amusing. Anyway, yikes, Beast Boy sure was mean for NO reason. But the way they made up in the end with Raven even joining him and Cyborg's game of "stankball" was cute. As for Malchior, well, I thought he was a girl until he spoke.)
33. Revolution - 3/5 (Pretty much a rehash of the first Mad Mod episode. He has the Titans trapped in a maze of illusions and they chase him around and defeat him. Which I get is the whole gimmick since he's just a joke villain, so yeah. This was good, but not AS good. The pop-art backgrounds were pretty cool, and I liked how the British flag was the sky in the background the entire time. Plus, British Beast Boy was funny. The "message" about patriotism, democracy or whatever, felt a but muddled.)
34. Wavelength - 3/5 (I guess Brother Blood is growing to be Cyborg's arch nemesis or something. This was pretty average, so I barely got anything to say. Aqualad asks for help, so they take down Blood's underwater weapon and...Yeah. But I liked Bumblebee, and her fight scene with Cyborg had a lot of funny visuals. The bit where he shuts the door on her was amusing too.)
35. The Beast Within - 5/5 (This was great. You'd think it would be fairly predictable to tell a werewolf story with Beast Boy, but the execution really makes it work. Yeah, it's obvious he's acting strange because of the chemicals from the beginning. But his gradual shift from acting macho, to asshole, to picking a physical fight with Raven for NO reason was interesting because of how bizarrely out of character it is. Especially when his "beast" form took the Raven beef to the next level. But on top of that I especially enjoyed the twist that the Adonis guy from the beginning was a second werewolf, and the actual culprit. Robin seemed awfully quick to immediately lock Beast Boy away or straight up murder him though. For a guy who himself was blackmailed into being evil, you'd think he would be more considerate to other possibilities.)
36. Can I Keep Him? - 3/5 (This was alright. Pretty simple concept for a comedy episode is all. Beast Boy fosters a giant maggot and then it becomes bigger and dangerous. Kind of amusing how Starfire got more attached to it in like a day than Beast Boy did while hiding it for months. As a sode note, I liked the design of Rancids robot dog and dinosaur.)
37. Bunny Raven... or ...How to Make A Titananimal Disappear - 3/5 (Pretty good for a zany episode. The Titans as animals were amusing designs, and Beast Boy becoming a lamp instead was funny. Mumbo's song was catchy.)
38/39. Titans East - 4/5 (I like the concept of Titans East, although the only member I find particularly interesting is Bumblebee. I'm always fond of shrinking abilities for the potential practical uses that often go unacknowledged. She never really does anything with it besides shoot some lasers in the bad guys face, though. Speedy and Aqualad are kind of generic, and Más y Menos are just gag characters, so yeah. Cyborg's conflict here was pretty interesting, but the way he gets decapitated piece by piece was pretty brutal. But him sticking it to Brother Blood was pretty awesome, and I liked the sweet ending where he decides to stick with the Titans.)
40. Episode 257-494 - 3/5 (Steve Irwin gets mauled by a bear. Anyway, this episode is decent, but it's just an endless stream of references to other things, many of which I am not familiar with, so even as a comedy episode, a lot of the jokes don't work very well. That woman from the lame soap opera was still with Cyborg in the real world by the end because THAT makes sense. But it was funny.)
41. The Quest - 4/5 (Yeah, it was pretty obvious the old lady was the great master. Robin going through challenges was pretty entertaining though, but that snake one... He won by merely grabbing the snake? Sure, okay. The rest of the team dressing up as and pretending to be Robin was probably the best part, especially even Raven joining in.)
42. Birthmark - 4/5 (Welcome back, Slade. This was a very thrilling episode. Really just has you asking tons of questions. Like how is Slade back, why is he targeting Raven now, etc. But also, it was interesting how this potrays Robin and Raven as having a very close friendship. I mean I guess all the Titans are good friends, but these two haven't been explored as a duo at all, so it was interesting, if not a bit awkward.)
43. Cyborg the Barbarian - 4/5 (Silly concept, but I like it. Though given how time travel has been established in this show, Cyborg can't really do anything to affect the future, because everything he will do has already happened in the past. I like the design of the demon... Thingies)
44. Employee of the Month - 4/5 (I found it interesting how this acknowledges Beast Boy a physical task, as opposed to Raven or Starfire's breezy levitating. Beast Boy working at a meat shop itself was pretty funny, and the Tofu villain in the end sells the whole thing for me. LOL.)
45. Troq - 3/5 (The racism episode. The fact that we know what word "troq" is supposed to represent makes it very weird how often we see it used. I mean imagine an episode where they used the actual word this much... Yeah. I think this is pretty well done and what not in terms of being sweet and emotional, especially Cyborg's talk with Starfire and Robin instantly changing his mind on Val-Yor once he finds out. But the action plot they wrapped all this around didn't really have me hooked, and it's a pretty big chunk of the episode.)
46. The Prophecy - 3/5 (This is neat and all, but for the most part it really feels like nothing but setup for a grander plot than something to stand on its own. So while I'm sure the context of this will make the season finale more rewarding, this is just okay. I did get a kick out of Raven pulling up Slade as he was trying to leave just to jerk him around a little.)
47. Stranded - 4/5 (This is a fun episode, but it has one of the worst common TV tropes of all time; Character refusing to explain an easily explainable situation this creating conflict because of misunderstanding. I mean, yeah, Starfire DID describe what a "girlfriend" was, but then she just described what could also be platonic. Robin could have easily explained to her that there's a difference between platonic and romantic.)
48. Overdrive - 3/5 (I like the Billy Numerous theme music, but that's about it really.)
49. Mother Mae-Eye - 3/5 (Well, funny at times, I'll give it that. But ehhhh. Yeah, I don't know, there isn't much to be said here. Liked the scene where Robin spiked up his hair.)
50/51/52. The End - 5/5 (Yeah, pretty epic. The Titans using Raven's power was also cool. I was hoping to finally see Slade's face when his mask was knocked off, but I suppose a creepy half decomposed skeleton is also interesting... Don't really understand Trigon's motivation for, well, all of this though. He wants to take over the Earth and get rid of all life on it, just so he can sit in a giant chair and relax? I mean, the real story here is supposed to be about Raven, so I know it doesn't matter, but that's pretty thin for what's supposed to be the most threatening villain of the show to date.)
53/54. Homecoming - 3/5 (I love specific character focused episode where we see something more personal to them, but Beast Boy's background isn't that interesting and most of the team besides Elastigirl weren't very interesting. But I do find Negative Man's powers cool. Brain is a pretty cool villain too, I love his voice, really intimidating vibes. How are any of the Doom Patrol alive after what happened though? Never explained)
55. Trust - 4/5 (An entire Hot Spot episode? Interesting, since I always find it fun when shows divert from the main cast. Overall fun, but that ending was pretty frustrating though. Hot Spot was so obviously Madame Rouge!)
56. For Real - 3/5 (I do like the Titans East, but this was disappointing. I was hoping for more of a genuine episode in their own town, seeing their feats as a team and friends, as opposed to goofing off with Control Freak. Also one of the villains Brain had lined up two episodes ago is in jail here?? Were Más y Menos permanently translated to English for the audience to understand them? I mean I guess I prefer it, since having them two speaking what sounds like gibberish to the rest of the team makes it hard for them to appear as genuine friends, especially since they're mostly attached to each other as opposed to the whole team.)
57. Snowblind - 4/5 (Already loved Red Star and then he's immediately killed before my eyes!! Whyyyy! I was hoping he would gain control of his powers and aid the Titans. How has he still been getting tanks to fill up with radioactive liquid for so many decades though? And that's a pretty small room for two tanks a day over the span of decades.)
58. Kole - 3/5 (This entire season so far the Titans have just been around the world, given last time they were in what appears to be Russia, and now it's somewhere in Scandinavia. It's been an interesting change of pace, sure, but this episode wasn't terribly interesting. They meet some caveman with a little girl, Dr. Light is up to no good, etc.)
59. Hide and Seek - 3/5 (Bobby turning out to be real was a pretty fun "twist". Got dragged out for a while though.)
60. Lightspeed - 4/5 (Another non-Titan focused episode. Kid Flash is randomly horning on Jinx because why not, I guess? This Jinx redemption came out of absolutely nowhere, given how little we've seen of her prior. But Kid Flash is fun, so whatever.)
61. Revved Up - 3/5 (This episode is neat, but given how they are racing for the entirety of it, the constant action was pretty exhausting to sit through. Why did Raven sneezing and Starfire saying the Tamaranean equivalent of "bless you" inform all the villains they are Titans though? Also, infuriating we never got to see what's in the briefcase.)
62. Go! - 5/5 (Love seeing the origins of the team, though it's pretty oddly convenient that these 5 superpowered people (well 4 with powers) just so happened to stumble upon each other, same day, same time, same situation. I imagine shortly after this they occasionally stumbled upon each other trying to fight the same bad guy every so often and decided to start a team. Which would have been more realistic for their first interactions, not all 5 meeting at once. Pretty on the nose Batman reference but they still absolutely refuse to mention Batman.)
63/64. Calling All Titans!/Titans Together - 5/5 (Why is Beast Boy climbing up the mountain as a goat instead of just... Flying? This was quite the epic episode, I enjoyted the intensity of seeing nearly every hero be ambushed separately by different villains. It's a bit strange for the final part to mostly be from Beast Boy's perspective, and with the strange heroes he ends up meeting. I was expecting to see how the rest of the Titans made it to the Brotherhood of Evil base, but it's probably better this way, since it leaves it up to imagination, and it doesn't really matter. Seeing the brain finally defeated when all heroes went into battle was satisfying. Jericho's powers were pretty cool.)
65. Things Change - 4/5 (The amount of quiet and awkward scenes with that sad music was... Well, very strange. The whole Terra thing is a bit weird like, sure, if someone you don't know jumps up to you, acts as if they know you and tells you you've gotten amnesia, you'd think they were insane. But Beast Boy surely has photo proof? Or if not, he could get testimony from the rest of his team?? No??? It doesn't have to jog her memory back, but at the very least she'd realize the truth and know who she was instead of just being so vague and saying cryptic things. Some things she said implied perhaps she did know, because any real person would just yell out the weirdo stalking them, not give emotional speeches about the girl you once knew being gone etc. But all that aside, why did Slade send a robot out just to tell Beast Boy that he had nothing to do with what's happened to Terra? Also, that creatures ability to turn himself into any matter he touches is really cool.)
Movie: Trouble in Tokyo - 3/5 (This has pretty much one of the things I dislike most about movies based on TV shows; Instead of actually focusing on the iconic aspects of the series in question, it goes out of it's way to be as far removed from it as possible by setting it in a whole other country. Bummer, because an ideal Titans movie would really focus on the whole team, and THEIR city. Instead, they're just in Tokyo stopping a corrupt commander (who I knew was gonna be the bad guy from the get-go) who's creating crimes to be a hero. And the thing is with these kind of movies is, perhaps if they actually did focus on the characters relationships, it would be good. But instead they are mostly separated the entire time, just goofing off. And cue the obligatory relationship between Robin and Starfire. I mean, it was obviously going to happen, so it's not as if I mind it, but the drama feels pretty forced. They're heroes, yes, but they lounge around and take time off all the time when criminals aren't around. There really isn't much more to say about this. High-tier average. Although, admittedly, I was finding myself ready to close my eyes and fall asleep nearing the hour mark.)
-The Lost Episode - 3/5 (It's half the length of a normal episode, so it's hard to judge it, given it's not even serious at all. A fun little watch, for sure. Beast Boy walking around with a boombox on his shoulders was funny because of how dated it is.)
-New Teen Titans Shorts (Can't really rate them since they're just shorts, but here's a few throwaway thoughts: I like the artstyle. The lowercase T tower is a funny visual gag. Was Blackfire just killed? So, they finally actually showed Batman on screen (technically)? The hell was up with Cyborg's voice in one of these?)