Hey guys! I’m a 24 Yr old Male I live in ATL Georgia! Most of my life has been a bit of a struggle with mental health and I’m really just coming out of it. I’ve got social anxiety and a bit of depression. So most of my life, I’ve just sat in bed and not really socialized. I have a SUPER low social battery.
I’m finally starting to make money (I sell cars, make about 4500 a month). . But I have zero routine in life. Waking up, getting out of bed, brushing my teeth even (I do it everyday), making my bed and getting out of the house are all struggles.
I don’t know what to do on a daily basis I just work and come home. I’m off today. I haven’t gotten out of bed. But I’m finally ready to start taking steps in the right direction. I want to start going out and meeting people. I guess I’m trying to figure out what your average person does on a day to day besides sitting in the house.
Any activities you’d reccomeend? Hiking, anything? My only thoughts on what to do is usually pay bills and spend money but I see people outside having a great time on social media pretty often. I want to have some fun experiences as well. I also want to start building a routine for myself.

Apologies if this is all scattered, so much has happened and my brain is mush.
I (26F) was seeing this guy (26M) since the beginning of the year. When we got together, I knew he was recently out of a super toxic relationship but didn’t think much of it.
On our first date, there was this immediate connection. It honestly felt like my soul recognized him. We shared all the same values, political views and morals and I truly had a best friend in him. We both felt like we’ve known each other our whole lives and it was truly a storybook romance. We became exclusive after two weeks.
A month into dating, he went to see his ex to get closure which I was understanding of. A few days later, he had something at my house that belonged to her and asked if I would mind him bringing it back to her, which again, I didn’t mind. At the time we had our location shared and he was there for 2 hours and declined my call and apologized because they were talking and he needed more closure. I explained to him that I was cool with him dropping the stuff off but closure is something that happens once, the second time it’s no longer closure and you’re choosing to engage with this person.
2 months into dating, we decided to end things because he had a lot going on in his personal life (very intense and scary stuff I can’t dive into) and wasn’t able to give me 100% which was respectable at the time. We both agreed this wasn’t a goodbye but a see you soon. He called me a week later and said he made a huge mistake and that ending things with me just made things worse. I explained to him that he can’t just waltz back into my life that easily and that if he had slept with someone else, I don’t know if I could take him back as I would feel disrespected.
That’s when he told me he slept with his ex. We had a really productive conversation about why he feels the need to seek validation from his ex due to his past (ps he is in therapy for this). Given we were only together for a couple of months and that I’ve experienced a toxic relationship where you’re easily sucked back in, I gave him grace and we moved forward.
I explained that if this is going to work, I need to set some boundaries in regards to him and his ex. He already had her blocked on everything and my boundary was that if he felt the urge to get validation from her, to call his therapist or let me know so we could figure it out together.
A week later, he told me he received an email from his ex because her period was late and she was getting worried. She eventually got her period but this was just another thing stacked on top of everything else.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, he was acting weird and he came clean about how while he was sleeping next to me at night, he was calling his ex during the day.
That was my final straw. I broke up with him because he is constantly disrespecting my boundaries in regard to his ex. He started blowing up my phone talking about how sorry he is, how he loves me and that I’m his person and that he’ll do anything it takes to make this right. He said he will never jeopardize our relationship again. He lives a couple hours away and showed up to my door with flowers. I took him back.
That week, things were amazing. Back to storybook love. A week later, I get a very strong gut feeling that he’s talking to his ex again as he was acting odd & I barely heard from him for 8 hours.
The next morning, he calls me and said his ex’s mother called him because her cousin tragically passed away and she was going manic. Her mother was asking him to come console her.
I explained to him that given the situation, I don’t feel comfortable with him going to console her but I’m fine if he wants to call/text her. I also told him that she has friends/family and that he can’t save her. I told him that as tragic as this is, she’s a big girl and her feelings are no longer his responsibility. His response was that he’s going to go see her “so do with that what you will” and that I’m heartless, I have zero empathy and that my response is disgusting.
I then said if he goes, I will not be here when he gets back. He went.
Am I the asshole for leaving him because he chose to go console his ex after I’ve made it very clear what my boundaries are especially after everything that transpired?
TLDR: this guy I was dating was constantly breaking my boundaries regarding his ex. He went to go console her after her cousin passed away and I left.

Hi guys.
I am going to need quick help on deciding on the parts for a $12k build that I need to finalize parts for by the end of the week for work. I'm in Boston, I can't find anyone to help except Microcenter for this hardline cooled PC so hoping that folks here can be more helpful. The spec sheet I got after talking with the staff for about an hour is below:
Intel Core i9 14900kS Raptor Lake 3.2GHz
Asus Z790 ROG Maximus Dark Hero Intel LGA 1700 ATX Motherboard
G.Skill Zeta R5 Neo Series 192GB (4x48GB) DDR5-6400 PC5-51200 CL32 Quad Channel ECC Registered Memory Kit F5-6400R3239G48GQ4-ZR5NK-Black
Crucial T705 2TB Micron 232L TLC NAND PCIe Gen 5x4 NVMe M.2 Internal SSD
NVIDIA GeForce RTX 4090 ROG Strix White Overclocked Triple Fan 24GB GDDR6X PCIe 4.0 Graphics card
Seasonic Prime TX-1600 1600 Watt 80 Plus Titanium ATX Fully Modular Power Supply
Lian Li V3000 Plus Tempered Glass eATX Full Tower Computer Case - White
Bitspower G 1/4" Enhanced Straight Compression Fitting - Deluxe White
4 X Bitspower G 1/4" 90 degree Rotary Adapter - Deluxe White
2 X Bitspower G 1/4" Thread 45 degree Rotary Adapter - Deluxe White
6 X Bitspower G 1/4" Male to Female Straight Extender - Deluxe White
1 X Corsair iCUE XC7 RGB ELITE LCD CPU Water Block - White
2 X EK Quantum Surface P480M 480mm Radiator - White
4 X Corsair iCUE Link QX120 RGB Magnetic Dome Bearing - 120mm PWM Fans Starter Kit - White - 3 pack
1 X Corsair iCUE Link XD5 RGB Elite White Pump/Reservoir Combo - White
6 X Bitspower 1/2" (13mm) x 5/8" (16mm) PETG Link Rigid Tubing 1m - Clear
1 X Corsair iCUE Link Qx120 RGB Magnetic Dome Bearing 120mm PWM Fan - White
1 X EKWB CryoFuel Dye Pack
The water cooling from Corsair doesn't look the best in my opinion. But the staff were going off of what's in stock. There is also no GPU block specified here, as we had agreed I would provide an EKWB, however there seems to be some recent drama around EKWB and I don't wanna give them our hard earned bucks.
I need to ask you all for help around the water cooling aspect of this build. I love custom PCs although I've never build one, and I am looking for advice on how to better do it. My understanding is that the V3000 is supposed to be massive, and we could put in two reservoirs, and it may be beneficial to have multiple pumps as well to help the flow around the system.
I'm happy with the fittings from Bitspower but open to other ideas.
I wish I could get nice custom cables to match the aesthetic of this build but I do not have time to wait the 3 weeks they apparently take to ship. Nonetheless I am thinking of upgrading it down the road, so also open to ideas there.
Happy to answer more questions. Any help you can provide would be wonderful.

Hey guys, I (29M) have been experiencing problems getting hard during sex, and it's hard to know what the problem is exactly. I usually have a very high sex drive, more than my partner even. We've been together for 5 years and live together for 2 years now. Relationship sameness eventually got us to have less sex, which made me turn to masturbation and porn. I usually masturbate at least once a day, and got into the habit of looking at porn on Twitter even while not jerking off. Lately tho I've been having issues penetrating my partner, and just generally getting hard. For an example, yesterday i made out with another guy at a club (we have an open relationship, but no sex with other people allowed) and i could feel he was rock hard, but i had nothing even tho i was enjoying it. Some are issues with my partner in sex which we are trying to work through, like him getting a little lazy and not trying to stimulate me, but i feel maybe it's something about my individual body/mind too. I've stopped watching porn for a few days now, haven't really felt the difference yet, but maybe it will help. Does anyone relate? Do you have suggestions on what to do? If anyone has other behavioral ideas i'll gladly take them up. I wouldn't like to go through medical intervention just yet, but I'll consider it if you guys suggest it may be necessary

Apologies if this is all scattered, so much has happened and my brain is mush.
I (26F) was seeing this guy (26M) since the beginning of the year. When we got together, I knew he was recently out of a super toxic relationship but didn’t think much of it.
On our first date, there was this immediate connection. It honestly felt like my soul recognized him. We shared all the same values, political views and morals and I truly had a best friend in him. We both felt like we’ve known each other our whole lives and it was truly a storybook romance. We became exclusive after two weeks.
A month into dating, he went to see his ex to get closure which I was understanding of. A few days later, he had something at my house that belonged to her and asked if I would mind him bringing it back to her, which again, I didn’t mind. At the time we had our location shared and he was there for 2 hours and declined my call and apologized because they were talking and he needed more closure. I explained to him that I was cool with him dropping the stuff off but closure is something that happens once, the second time it’s no longer closure and you’re choosing to engage with this person.
2 months into dating, we decided to end things because he had a lot going on in his personal life (very intense and scary stuff I can’t dive into) and wasn’t able to give me 100% which was respectable at the time. We both agreed this wasn’t a goodbye but a see you soon. He called me a week later and said he made a huge mistake and that ending things with me just made things worse. I explained to him that he can’t just waltz back into my life that easily and that if he had slept with someone else, I don’t know if I could take him back as I would feel disrespected.
That’s when he told me he slept with his ex. We had a really productive conversation about why he feels the need to seek validation from his ex due to his past (ps he is in therapy for this). Given we were only together for a couple of months and that I’ve experienced a toxic relationship where you’re easily sucked back in, I gave him grace and we moved forward.
I explained that if this is going to work, I need to set some boundaries in regards to him and his ex. He already had her blocked on everything and my boundary was that if he felt the urge to get validation from her, to call his therapist or let me know so we could figure it out together.
A week later, he told me he received an email from his ex because her period was late and she was getting worried. She eventually got her period but this was just another thing stacked on top of everything else.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, he was acting weird and he came clean about how while he was sleeping next to me at night, he was calling his ex during the day.
That was my final straw. I broke up with him because he is constantly disrespecting my boundaries in regard to his ex. He started blowing up my phone talking about how sorry he is, how he loves me and that I’m his person and that he’ll do anything it takes to make this right. He said he will never jeopardize our relationship again. He lives a couple hours away and showed up to my door with flowers. I took him back.
That week, things were amazing. Back to storybook love. A week later, I get a very strong gut feeling that he’s talking to his ex again as he was acting odd & I barely heard from him for 8 hours.
The next morning, he calls me and said his ex’s mother called him because her cousin tragically passed away and she was going manic. Her mother was asking him to come console her.
I explained to him that given the situation, I don’t feel comfortable with him going to console her but I’m fine if he wants to call/text her. I also told him that she has friends/family and that he can’t save her. I told him that as tragic as this is, she’s a big girl and her feelings are no longer his responsibility. His response was that he’s going to go see her “so do with that what you will” and that I’m heartless, I have zero empathy and that my response is disgusting.
I then said if he goes, I will not be here when he gets back. He went.
Am I the asshole for leaving him because he chose to go console his ex after I’ve made it very clear what my boundaries are especially after everything that transpired? I feel like he’ll always put her before me.
TLDR: this guy I was dating was constantly breaking my boundaries regarding his ex. He went to go console her after her cousin passed away and I left.

I recently lost one of my three cats (he was 17 1/2, went blind and just lost his desire to live) and I'm really considering getting a Bengal. To be honest I have only seen them in a cat show, I don't have personal experience with them or anything, but I understand them to be highly active, smart, talkative, etc. Those are all traits that I really would like in a cat - I want a cat that wants to play, that makes himself known...maybe even gets into some trouble! My questions...
1) My two remaining cats are 17 1/2 (the brother of the one that died) and 5. The younger one is very friendly and sometimes playful, although tends to be lazy. The older one is friendly to people but to be honest doesn't care much for my younger cat (he was very friendly with his brother). He's also, well, old - he doesn't run or jump or that sort of thing (arthritis, and Solensia didn't work for him), so he's not going to be a playmate. Will a Bengal realize the older one doesn't want to play and leave him alone after a while? I imagine my 5 year old will take well to a playful cat but I'm sure he won't keep up for long.
2) So I know Bengals are active, very active. If you play with them, give them space to run and play (I have a two story house to myself, so there's room), and just otherwise encourage them to burn off excess energy, are they destructive, or just energetic? I don't ask because I have tons and tons of expensive things to protect (and I'm not worried about clawing, they're cats, they do that sometimes). Just curious.
3) Male or female? All the cats I've had experience with, except one, have been male. They've run the gamut of personality, from super friendly and outgoing to very shy and scaredy-cat like. Does it matter much for Bengals? Females, I've seen, will be a little smaller when full grown, but then again I kinda like the idea of a big cat!
Anything else you might want to add? My biggest concern is if a Bengal is going to understand after seeing my senior cat isn't going to play, and leave him alone. I don't want to end up with the old guy being terrorized - ideally the Bengal would go "hmpf, you're no fun" and run away.

Hiya there friends! I’m your friendly neighborhood divorced 30 year something or some other, trudging through life and trying to find someone I can actually enjoy spending time with. That’s surprisingly harder than I thought it’d be lol. In a world where dating has come down to endlessly swiping through apps, actually finding someone then immediately getting ghosted after either talking for a week or meeting up for a few dates and then getting ghosted, or being friends who diddle each other because everyone has been in bad relationships and want to be free to do who they feel like and not be held down (I personally understand this one being a divorcee myself lol) its kind of hard to get anything going or meet anyone worthwhile. Well I’m gonna try again cause I’m stupid and optimistic that this will work out at some point, either way I’m enjoying the ride for the most part.
Some things about me that might make me a somewhat interesting member of the opposite sex!

• If you couldn’t tell from my title I love listening to music! It’s pretty much my core reason for existing lol. I love to sing and listen to it pretty much whenever I can! I am polyjamorous and listen frickin everything and that’s legitimately not a joke! I can go from Cab Calloway, to Dying Fetus, to Linkin Park, to Elton John in no time flat! Be prepared for a man that thrives on a random set of music from all the different time periods lol. The only thing I don’t listen to is country as that’s an abomination. Yall are free to listen that, and it’s okay to be wrong honestly. I can accept that about most of the world.
  
• I’m an avid gamer! My main genres are horror, rpgs, and online shooters! The games I am currently playing are Destiny 2 and Dead by Daylight with a bit of Fallout mixed when I need a break from those two games! Ask me for my username on steam and discord if you’d like to play with me!
  
• I enjoy cooking! Oh that’s right ladies, if you want a man that can cook you up a tasty meal upon request I can most certainly do it. Just have to kiss the cook first (Just kidding lol). Seriously though I actually do enjoy cooking so if you ever wanted to come spend some time with me food will always be available so come get you some grub!
  
• I’m very much a metal head and am avidly going to concerts now! Just recently went to go see Dying Fetus, Fester Decay, Rivers of Nihil, and Cattle Decapitation live so if you’re also a metal head and looking for someone to go see some metal with live I’m definitely your guy!
  
• I’m a very kind and caring individual! I love to talk and enjoy spending time with the people I care about so if you like that kind of energy then look no further for I shall provide it! Come get you some cuddles and attention!
  

Now, some other things you should know about me and things I’ll require from you!

• While I am a divorcee, I have a child in California. If you ain’t cool with the fact that I have a kid then that’s hella tough! He comes first and is the most important thing in my world forever and always. No ifs, ands, or buts. If you can’t deal I’m cool with that. He’s cuter than you anyhow lol.
  
• Look I know everyone’s looking for their forever person, I am also, but don’t come to me looking for something with a ring attached to it. I’ve been there done that and it’d take a lot to make me consider doing it again. That’s not to say I don’t want a long lasting relationship and won’t treat said relationship as an important thing, but I now believe there doesn’t have to be an iron clad document officiating it. If you ain’t cool with that then there’s the door.
  
• I am a highly jokey, sassy, and sarcastic person and that’s never gonna change. I like having fun and poking fun at people in a jokey and friendly way so please don’t be sensitive. I don’t like walking on egg shells.
  
• I’m terms of getting my groove on, I ain’t vanilla. If you know you know so I hope you aren’t either!
  
• Age isn’t majorly a factor just please don’t be younger than 23 or older than 40. Just a personal preference as I’d like to be able to connect to someone without being too generationally far from each other! I will also want to exchange pictures off the rip as attraction is important.
  
• Please be in within an hour of Lancaster PA! I’m not one for long distance relationships so I do require you to be within range of me in order for any talks to begin! Sorry to those that are long distance!
  

Well then that was one of the longer posts I’ve ever made! If you stuck around this long you must find me really interesting! If you do message me with one of your favorite songs! Bonus points if you know the song from my title and its album! I hope to hear from you, and thusly I bid you adieu.

Explanation for posting here: I asked this in another sub which seems to have attracted too many seemingly women haters and uncaring people who were quick to assume I was talking to the guy in a dating context. So many were going off about things like "you're not even dating the guy" "he's not even your bf why you expect more concern" blablabla... so I feel they were just taking their rage at women and dating frustrations at me, because my post hit a nerve in them. Rather than just giving me a respectful response that wasn't out to attack me. Hence I feel it may be better to ask here where I could probably get more respectful responses and maybe even a different perspective.
Post:
Or am I possibly overreacting about him saying "all good?" in response to me telling him I'm in the hospital?
I told a guy I was talking to "Hi. Sorry I'm in the hospital." in response to his message/greeting/check-in because I didn't respond for like a day or so to his other contact to me. We agreed to move communication elsewhere and I hadn't yet replied to him when he contact me. So I told him that. Then he said "Oh okay, all good?"
His response has me upset and unsure if he seems to actually care, because it sounds very nonchalant. So I said to him:
"Yeah, just went to the ER to meet with the president and after having a tea party with the queen came back home."
Then he just said "Sarcasm I see."
I feel like maybe I shouldn't be talking to him. Though I'm unsure if I may be overreacting.

I’m 21F, my boyfriend is 24M. My boyfriend tricked me into thinking he is a hardworking, smart man. When I first met him, and the first few months I knew him, I was under the impression he was doing great academically, had a lot of achievements academically and personally, and was just an overall smart guy. These are important things to me as my life pretty much revolves around academics and I would only want to date someone like-minded so I don’t get distracted with the wrong thing (I don’t date because I don’t want to throw my academics under the bus).
But I finally meet someone who’s goals align with mine that I really like. I let myself date him because i thought it was finally time that I let myself have that. He’s so like-minded to me that we can push each other to be the best version of ourselves. Fast forward 9 months. I have come to realize he is on the verge of being kicked out of his uni program and he doesn’t give any f, all the “achievements” he told me about have been exaggerated and told to me in a way that they happened recently (but really he casually brings stuff up that happened in middle school as if it happened just a few years ago),and when this man speaks and acts “smart” I can predict exactly what he’s gonna say just bc of my general knowledge which isn’t even that great. Any chance he gets to “teach” me something he takes, but it feels like being lectured by a 9th grader. WTF do I do. I like to be challenged but I feel like I am trapped in that I can’t talk about my thoughts because he instantly shoots them down (I am guessing he just doenst understand so always assumes im wrong). Overall, he tricked me into thinking he’s smart because he’s good with words, almost a year later I see through his bullshit and he’s really not the brightest. And it’s turning me off. Maybe I’m not the smartest for not realizing it sooner ..
Am i a bad person that I just don’t want to be with someone who is “less smart” than me?

Hiya there friends! I’m your friendly neighborhood divorced 30 year something or some other, trudging through life and trying to find someone I can actually enjoy spending time with. That’s surprisingly harder than I thought it’d be lol. In a world where dating has come down to endlessly swiping through apps, actually finding someone then immediately getting ghosted after either talking for a week or meeting up for a few dates and then getting ghosted, or being friends who diddle each other because everyone has been in bad relationships and want to be free to do who they feel like and not be held down (I personally understand this one being a divorcee myself lol) its kind of hard to get anything going or meet anyone worthwhile. Well I’m gonna try again cause I’m stupid and optimistic that this will work out at some point, either way I’m enjoying the ride for the most part.
Some things about me that might make me a somewhat interesting member of the opposite sex!

• If you couldn’t tell from my title I love listening to music! It’s pretty much my core reason for existing lol. I love to sing and listen to it pretty much whenever I can! I am polyjamorous and listen frickin everything and that’s legitimately not a joke! I can go from Cab Calloway, to Dying Fetus, to Linkin Park, to Elton John in no time flat! Be prepared for a man that thrives on a random set of music from all the different time periods lol. The only thing I don’t listen to is country as that’s an abomination. Yall are free to listen that, and it’s okay to be wrong honestly. I can accept that about most of the world.
  
• I’m an avid gamer! My main genres are horror, rpgs, and online shooters! The games I am currently playing are Destiny 2 and Dead by Daylight with a bit of Fallout mixed when I need a break from those two games! Ask me for my username on steam and discord if you’d like to play with me!
  
• I enjoy cooking! Oh that’s right ladies, if you want a man that can cook you up a tasty meal upon request I can most certainly do it. Just have to kiss the cook first (Just kidding lol). Seriously though I actually do enjoy cooking so if you ever wanted to come spend some time with me food will always be available so come get you some grub!
  
• I’m very much a metal head and am avidly going to concerts now! Just recently went to go see Dying Fetus, Fester Decay, Rivers of Nihil, and Cattle Decapitation live so if you’re also a metal head and looking for someone to go see some metal with live I’m definitely your guy!
  
• I’m a very kind and caring individual! I love to talk and enjoy spending time with the people I care about so if you like that kind of energy then look no further for I shall provide it! Come get you some cuddles and attention!
  

Now, some other things you should know about me and things I’ll require from you!

• While I am a divorcee, I have a child in California. If you ain’t cool with the fact that I have a kid then that’s hella tough! He comes first and is the most important thing in my world forever and always. No ifs, ands, or buts. If you can’t deal I’m cool with that. He’s cuter than you anyhow lol.
  
• Look I know everyone’s looking for their forever person, I am also, but don’t come to me looking for something with a ring attached to it. I’ve been there done that and it’d take a lot to make me consider doing it again. That’s not to say I don’t want a long lasting relationship and won’t treat said relationship as an important thing, but I now believe there doesn’t have to be an iron clad document officiating it. If you ain’t cool with that then there’s the door.
  
• I am a highly jokey, sassy, and sarcastic person and that’s never gonna change. I like having fun and poking fun at people in a jokey and friendly way so please don’t be sensitive. I don’t like walking on egg shells.
  
• I’m terms of getting my groove on, I ain’t vanilla. If you know you know so I hope you aren’t either!
  
• Age isn’t majorly a factor just please don’t be younger than 23 or older than 40. Just a personal preference as I’d like to be able to connect to someone without being too generationally far from each other! I will also want to exchange pictures off the rip as attraction is important.
  
• Please be in within an hour of Lancaster PA! I’m not one for long distance relationships so I do require you to be within range of me in order for any talks to begin! Sorry to those that are long distance!
  

Well then that was one of the longer posts I’ve ever made! If you stuck around this long you must find me really interesting! If you do message me with one of your favorite songs! Bonus points if you know the song from my title and its album! I hope to hear from you, and thusly I bid you adieu.

Hey Reddit,
I never thought I’d be here, but I need to get this off my chest. This is a throwaway account for obvious reasons. Here’s the story of how I discovered my wife was cheating on me, on our anniversary of all days.
My (34M) wife (32F) and I have been married for seven years. We have two beautiful kids, ages 5 and 3. For the most part, our marriage has been great, or so I thought.
Last month, we celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. I planned a romantic weekend getaway to a cabin in the mountains. It was supposed to be just the two of us, no kids, no distractions, just quality time together.
In the weeks leading up to the trip, I noticed she was acting distant. She was always on her phone, giggling at messages, and being secretive about who she was talking to. When I asked her, she brushed it off, saying it was just her friends from work.
Fast forward to our anniversary weekend. We got to the cabin, and everything seemed perfect at first. But she was glued to her phone the entire time. I tried to ignore it, thinking maybe she was just having a hard time unplugging from work.
On the second night, she fell asleep with her phone unlocked. I know it’s a breach of privacy, but my gut was screaming at me that something was wrong. I picked up her phone and found a series of texts between her and a guy named “Brian.” The texts were explicit, leaving no doubt that they were having an affair. They even joked about meeting up while we were supposed to be on our anniversary trip.
Here’s where it gets worse: I recognized the phone number. Brian wasn’t just some guy from work. He was my wife’s best friend’s husband. They had been coming over for BBQs, double dates, and our kids’ birthday parties for years. I felt sick. I didn’t confront her immediately because I didn’t want to ruin the weekend. Instead, I quietly took screenshots of their conversations and sent them to myself.
When we got back home, I confronted her. She broke down in tears, admitting everything. They had been sneaking around for months, using every excuse in the book to meet up. She said she was sorry and begged for forgiveness, but I was too hurt to think straight.
To add salt to the wound, her best friend called me the next day. Apparently, she found out too and wanted to make sure I knew what was going on. It turns out their affair had been going on right under our noses, even while we were all hanging out together as couples.
I took some time to process everything and decided to take a break. I moved in with my brother for a while to clear my head. We’ve been going to marriage counseling since then, but I don’t know if I can ever trust her again.
Our kids are my top priority, and I’m trying to keep things as normal as possible for their sake. But inside, I’m a mess. I loved her more than anything, and this betrayal has shattered me.
Has anyone here been through something similar? How did you cope? Is it possible to rebuild trust after something like this? Any advice would be appreciated.

Blake Wheeler has had a great career. Unfortunate is a severe understatement to describe the way he went down earlier this year. However, unfortunate is the word that describes the circumstances today. A combination of deadline moves and bottom 6 guys playing extremely well in their roles has rendered Wheeler’s abilities on the ice as redundant.
Saying this doesn’t take away anything that he has done or achieved to make his way back to full practice participant. If anything it shows how incredible of a pro he is and even more importantly how incredible of a person he is to suffer, struggle and grind his way back. At his age no less!!
I have no doubt that his presence has played a huge part in shaping the locker room this season by perpetuating the culture put in place by the Coaching staff day 1 of camp.
I feel as though his contributions off the ice outweigh his contributions on it. Outside of Rempe, there isn’t a player on this active roster that he slots in over. Chytl and Brodzinski slot in differently….other than benching Roslovic for his frequent “drive by stick checks” and slotting him in RW1/2 w Mika and Kreider, putting him anywhere else doesn’t make sense. Doing that in itself would be drastic considering the way 96 bounced back in game 6.
TL:DR - Long story short….love him, but don’t need him….for now at least.

(F21, M21, together for 2 years, found out 6 months ago)
TL;DR: relationship is healing after his porn addiction and micro-cheating. We have had many conversations, he makes a solid effort and seems to be a changed man. The problem now is the constant flashback reminders. How do you trust again, seeing daily triggers, when the relationship is seriously improving? How to reprogram the mind into renewing trust once more, so I’m not stuck in the past?
**I know people don’t read long posts but if even one person has advice I will seriously appreciate it! PSA: our first relationship. **
Been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He was my best friend before that for 3. I get it, we’re young and it’s normal for guys to watch porn blah blah blah. But this was cheating.
The week we were official, we discussed porn. I asked him how he would feel if I watched porn and vice versa. He expressed strong discomfort. I asked if it would be beneficial to us, he agreed it wasn’t. Since neither of us thought to gain sexual gratification through anybody else, and wouldn’t walk into a strip club or brothel, we decided not to do it online either. We agreed in the conversation that porn is now considered cheating, and off-limits boundary. He admitted to having a porn addiction before, since he was 12.
Fast forward to 6 months into the relationship. I noticed he became far more degrading in sex and also far less interested in me. He would make up excuses for being busy (despite living with me, I know it was quick but this wasn’t official living, he was with me 6 nights a week in a flat on my parents property. We basically lived together as I moved into the flat instead of the main house). After sex, I would explain that I don’t like being degraded THAT much (I normally don’t mind a bit but this was a noticeable difference). He apologised. I asked him if he was watching porn on countless occasions after that, feeling as though the sex was scripted or weirdly unnatural. I told him it was okay if he was watching, I would just prefer to know. He said “of course not” every. Single. Time.
Fast forward to 10 months in. At this point we had been official for that long, but “seeing” each other for roughly a year. I had consistent dreams about him cheating on me with the girl he slept with (my toxic ex-best friend, before we were together in school). She used to judge me for being close friends with him then one day said “I had sex with him last night” as if it was a power move that she got the guy who was flirting with me.
I had insecurities because she is tiny and petite, would talk shit about me to him and brag about having sex with him when he first showed signs of interest in me back at school). Before the porn I struggled with this history and used to cry mid-sex over it because I felt annoyed I wasn’t as sexually experienced or petite as she was. I hardly thought about her after overcoming this so it was weird I saw her fucking him in my dreams after 3 years no contact. My gut was screaming something is wrong.
He left his laptop at mine, (this never happens so I took the opportunity) he had openly told me the password to it before so I knew. Anyway, only come to find that in his search history he has Grace Charis, Kim Kardashian’s tits (he typed a typo so he searched 9 times to find the images) and other girls scattered through his timeline since the last time he cleared his search history. This was without incognito, I could only imagine what else was hidden. It killed me because he told me one of his friends’ girlfriends looked like Kim Kardashian once, I instantly remembered. Yuck.
What hurt most was his instagram. He “never” uses it, and often takes days to respond to cute stuff I send him on there. Turns out he was searching Asian AI pornstar models on instagram (hana_bunny bunny or something), 2 DAYS after my birthday! (Which he put barely any effort into. My 21st he bought me a bucket of cheese and flowers. Thanks I guess?? I spent hundreds for his 21st and made him a book of personalised memories and drawings).
Fast forward. I felt sick to my stomach like never before. Left work early and he knew I went home because he noticed my car wasn’t at work, so he came over. I confronted him. Asked him if he remembered how we talked about porn being cheating? He said yes. I asked him why he thought I deserved to be cheated on then, to which he was silent. I explained how I felt and cried to him saying I would never look like them, and we agreed not to do it.
He confessed straight away. I asked him what genres he normally went for, of course he said “college girls fucking”. Also said he mostly used the top pornhub results that week and did it roughly twice a week for the past 8 months despite the conversation. I believe it was more times than this. At least he was admitting to some of it.
Lots of discussing followed and has ever since. Lots of empty-handed apologies when it was brought up. He purchased porn blockers that I could easily outwit within half a second of testing. But at least he was spending money to fix the problem and it was his idea.
He offered couples counselling but it’s so expensive, I can barely afford rent. He’s offered to pay but I think I need private sessions first, I’m exhausted even explaining this in writing let alone talking to a stranger. I think it’s just a me problem now.
He then decided living with his mates would be better than living with me, despite us going to the same city and same university for the next year ahead. I had turned down moving to another state because he said he would never move there. He told me I had “no chance” of ever living with him and his friends in a heated argument. He said he didn’t want me to “become an accessory to his life”, words he has apologised for but I never forgot.
He moved in with them… but here’s the thing. One of (our mutual) roommate friends has a girlfriend (different girl⁾ whom he has admitted he used to be really attracted to. I told him I would feel gutted that he couldn’t just choose to live with strangers instead so I don’t have to deal with the discomfort of him seeing her potentially more than me, and also that way we would both be in the same position, starting fresh (not choosing his friends over living with me). He then tells the boyfriend I’m upset because he used to like his girlfriend and sugarcoated it, which obviously isn’t the whole story. He told me his friends say I’m crazy for being upset over that, lessening the chance of me ever mingling with them again. Mind you, these guys have all cheated on their partners before and discouraged him from living with me.
Fast forward again. I’m struggling to find a job. I have to pay triple rent because he doesn’t want to live with me at this new place. He has job offers left right and centre, one of them being at a hostel, which is also a club. I told him any of the other 8 jobs sound really good, that’s the only one I’m uncomfortable with due to his porn addiction. I’m worried he will just be flirting the whole time. I was right. He chose that job despite the sadness and anxiety he knew it would bring me.
One day, he BUTT DIALLED me at work (lmaooo). I could hear him flirting with girls in another language (I didn’t know he was learning another language!) and laughing with them like I’ve never heard before. Then he bragged about it to his coworkers and said “she’s so nice, such a great girl”. They cheered him on for speaking the language.
I was fuming. I nearly called it quits that night but since, he has been making an effort. He has drastically improved his behaviour and genuinely makes an effort. He said he has changed his ways, he has apologised many times and though I don’t think he’s necessarily watched porn since I found out, it has been 6 months since, and I’m devastated like it’s the day it happened. The flirting. The way he behaves when I’m not around. I will never know when he’s being disloyal, which sucks. But it’s not like he’s actively messaging or sleeping or hooking up with anyone, it’s only small stuff.
He has done little things here and there to try and reignite the passion: flowers, cards, chocolates and dates etc. which I really appreciate. He doesn’t leave his laptop at mine, even if he knows he is coming back over the same day with it, which was a red flag to me. But so far, I don’t think he’s watching porn. And I have seen a huge improvement in the relationship overall.
My problem now is the reminder. I can’t trust him the way I used to. Every time I see a model I want to crumble. Every time I see Kim Kardashian or Kanye or golfers (Grace) or ads or beautiful women from different countries, it kills a part of me. I have no idea how to move on from this. I get flashbacks all the time. Our intimacy is pretty good still. But every time he calls me beautiful I don’t buy it. There’s always someone better, I feel worthless and I can’t control it anymore. I feel terrible because whilst he’s making great efforts, I still don’t trust him and feel insanely insecure at the thought of him getting to live a double-life. He is a beautiful soul who really does bring out the child in me and I don’t want to lose that. I feel so bad that my brain has changed its thought process. We are now in a much better place together.
He has been proving himself but it still makes me feel like shit knowing I was never good enough for him in the first place. I was his 7th, he was my 1st, not that I care but it explains my devastation. Hence why it’s so heavy for me. I gave him everything and it still wasn’t enough. He was happy to keep secrets and risk the relationship on multiple occasions, but now that things are fine I’m starting to process more. I need a quick fix to changing my mindset and believing him again to save our relationship. Because things are different now and I have hope for us in the future.
—————————- I would LOVE advice on ways to reverse negative thinking. Ways to forgive, truly, and to learn how to believe partners again. I need new tools to be more resilient and confident again, otherwise this won’t survive. I wouldn’t have stayed with him if I didn’t think it was worthwhile, I don’t want to put 5 years down the drain and would like advice other than merely breaking up. I’ve seen a difference, I am the problem now.
Does anyone have any healthy mind habits they can share, or positive ways to overcome this situation? How do you trust again and stop comparing when triggers arise?

First
Auraxium Captain Nikto Rakzes POV
Those traitors think they can hide from us in the old home system of the Elyrian? I’ll show them what happens when they cross Captain Nikto Rakzes! Nobody pulls one over on me and gets away with it. I mean how did I honestly believe that they were courier runners? Yes, they had the necessary paperwork, so I had to go by the books and let them go. But once they strayed from their route their fate was sealed. These three shall rue the day they thought they could escape the great Nikto Rakzes!
Crew of the Scav POV
“No weapons, that’s fine we can still manage. Little one I never got your name by the way.” Asked Tic-Tac from the speakers all around the room.
“My name is Lizra, Captain Lizra Riteness the Third to be exact.”
“Adorable, ok Captain Lizra, how sure are you that these ones incoming are hostile?”
“I'm Fairly certain. I just didn’t think that they would be so suspicious of us as to follow us here.”
“Well we did lie to them and pretend to be galactic couriers. And that dumbass bought every word of it too” Chucked Argall.
“Argall language. We are Tic-Tac's esteemed guests here.”
“No worries little one. That's ok, I think I have a plan that may get us all out of here. I can completely stabilize the atmosphere within the facility and then when they enter I will be able to jettison them from the airlocks. Do you think that might buy us enough time to get to your vessel?”
“We’re not going to fight them ourselves? The whole reason I was sent with you was to carry this weapon back! I was hoping to get to use it at least. But now I can’t even do that since the weapon is a fucking guy.” Complained Argall, annoyed that there still hadn’t been a confrontation that required his expertise.
“Don’t worry Induran, if they manage to stick around after we show them the door, we may have use for you yet. And your name is?”
“Argall” He grumbled, still disappointed there was no ancient weapon of destruction he could wield like some god of war.
“Argall what?” Questioned Tic-tac confused.
“Just Argall”
“Appropriate. They should be arriving any second now. I am going to go ahead and remove the atmosphere from this room so that we do not have to worry about pressure equalization when we make our move. Z-8 do you have any way to remotely pilot your ship from here?”
“We do not even need to inquire as to how you know our name, but please call us Zate from this point forward. Yes we have the ability to control the ship remotely. What do you have in mind Program?”
“I can see from the security feeds they are going to station their ship near yours. I will forward you the location of where to move your ship once I eject the intruders. I am going to illuminate the path to another exit, for you to move to. Once there I’ll pressurize the door, open the airlock, and throw you into space.”
“You’re going to do what with us!? I do not consent to being blasted into the cosmos Mr. Tic-Tac.” Replied Lizra clutching onto Argall even tighter.
“Captain, the claws”
“Yes my apologies Argall”
“Do not worry. If Zate gets the ship in position you will be propelled right into the loading bay or your vessel. When I was connected to Zate I was able to view the schematic of your ship. I will send her a visual representation of how to orient it to properly recieve you.” Tic-Tac replied matter of factly.
“Not necessary, we can visualize that without your aid computer.”
While the plan was being created the Human sat silently watching them. Throughout the entire conversation he hadn’t taken his eyes off of the small Elyrian captain in the room. His masked helmet gave away no signs as to how he felt towards the plan, or other occupants in the room. Lizra hopped down from atop Argall and made her way over to Human looking up at him. When standing on her hind legs she barely came up to his knees.
“Um, Mr Human, do you have anything to add to the plan?”
“No.”
“Will you defend us if it comes to that?”
“Yea sure…and I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? For what exactly?”
“Just that-”
As Lizra and Human were locked in their engrossing dialogue, a loud bang echoed throughout the facility that shook the walls of the research room. The trio jumped into action and gathered around the exit door as Human walked over to the small black box looking down at it.
“Just lemme know when Tic-Tac.”
“Disconnect me only when they get to safety. Any earlier and I will not have access to the facility.”
“You aren’t coming with us?” Asked Lizra looking down at the little black computer.
“We will be following shortly, I have to ensure your safe exit. We also have a few more items to grab before we make our leave.” A second later an explosion was heard down the hall, followed by a booming voice that echoed throught the base.
“This is Auraxium Captain Nikto Rakzes of The Prowler. You are in violation of Core federal code 13-7451 impersonating a galactic courier and attempting to flee from federal authorities. Cooperate and you will be handled respectfully. If you refuse to do so then you shall face severe repercussions. Such as a fine upwards of 10,000 credits. That will be all.”
“He seems to be in a better mood today,” Lizra chuckled.
“Oh we’ll see if he’s still threatening us with a fine when I threaten him with his own spine.”
Argall grunted putting his fists together.
“Ok Zate get the ship moving, I’m opening the airlocks now. Good luck everyone, see you soon.”
When Tic-Tac finished his farewell, the sounds of air rushing out of the facility sounded from the other side of the door. It opened up moments later and the three rushed out into the hall. They followed the blinking lights that guided them through the corridors. Upon reaching the exit they made their way into the small airlock and the door sealed behind them.
“7 seconds and we will have the ship in position. We hope Tic-Tac does not send us out too e-” Zate was cut off as the opposite door opened and plunged the trio untethered out into the stars. Outside they could see countless others flailing around in the vacuum of space, having also been unexpectedly jettisoned from the base. Lizra locked her eyes onto the ship and saw it on an interception course with them. Their trajectory was impeccable, sending them right into the open loading bay. Argall grabbed the small captain and wrapped his bulk around her to shield her from the impact. The three were thrown into the ship with the blast door slamming shut behind them.
“Wait, what about Human and Tic-Tac?” Lizra asked squirming free of Argall grip.
“We have established comms with Tic-Tac again, he says not to worry and to prepare for departure.” Zate said, picking themselves up off the floor.
“Right, lets get out of here before those Core clowns get their bearings again.”
“What? No, thank you Argall for saving me? No, Oh Argall are you hurt from taking that fall for me?”
“You’re expected to save your captain Argall, we need to focus on saving Human and Tic-Tac right now.”
“No problem, you're welcome captain, yes i'm fine, thank you for asking.”
Once back in the command room of The Scav they surveyed the situation. The majority of The Prowler’s crew was still floating around aimlessly outside. The Prowler itself had started moving away from the landing pads, bearing down on The Scav.
“Captain weapons lock detected. They are directing us to stand down and not to flee.”
“Or what? We get another fine?”
“We believe they might not tell us again.”
As the two ships faced off, Lizra was debating whether to give the order to make a slipspace jump or to surrender. Before she could make up her mind, she saw the form of Human launching himself from the facility below. He was not headed for The Scav, but instead towards The Prowler.
“Quick Zate tell him that’s not our ship! That's the ones that came here to attack us!”
“We believe he knows that.”
“Then what is he doing? Is he betraying us? And here I thought he was just warming up to me.”
Human was silhouetted against the bright red hull of the Prowler as he made contact with it and latched on. He launched himself from the side of the ship making a beeline for the front. Once there he dug his hands into the metal walls, climbing towards the windows of The Prowler’s bridge. Human stared into the bridge of The Prowler before raising an arm and shattering the glass of the viewport and throwing himself inside. A few stray plasma shots could be seen exiting the bridge before the ship’s metal shutters slammed shut in an attempt to stop the atmosphere from escaping.
“Remind me to ask Human to show me how to punch like that.”
“Captain weapons are no longer locked. Should we start a slipspace jump?”
“Yes, go for slipspace, seatbelts everyone! Zate open the cargo bay again.”
A minute later the metal shutters were torn open from the inside and Human jumped from the ruins of The Prowler's bridge towards The Scav. The Scav moved closer to intercept, and Zate oriented the ship to receive him in the open bay. Once Human was safely aboard, the cargo bay was closed and Zate initiated the slipspace jump. Once away from danger the crew gave a sigh of relief, Lizra unbuckling herself from her pedestal and surveyed the monitors.
“Well I’d like to see them give us that fine now. Great work everyone. And Argall? Thank you for shielding me earlier, it looked like it hurt.”
“Of course captain you’re welcome. And I’m fine thank you.”
“Oh come now, I was being genuine. I appreciate your initiative to keep me safe. I’ll put you in for some sort of medal when we return.”
“Nah I don’t need a medal. I just wanna actually do my job when it doesn’t involve moving around cargo.”
“Well then, shall we go greet Human and Tic-Tac then? I believe a thanks is in order.”
“We will stay here and notify you when we are clear of the system. Ensure Tic-Tac will not meddle with our systems again or he might find himself being the one jettisoned from an airlock.”
“Duly noted Zate, keep us on course and notify me of any updates.”
Lizra and Argall shed their environmental suits and made their way down into the cargo bay to see if Human was ok. When they arrived, there was a dent in the far wall, presumable from when they made the jump and Human wasn't properaly fastened in. He was wearing the small black box from the computer room on his back, and unlike before had a strange looking rifle in his hand.
“Ah that’s new, its a good look for you two. We’re not in space anymore so you don’t have to wear your suit around here when we're in transit.”
“I’m fine, thanks.” Human replied curtly.
Tic-Tac’s voice echoed from the black box attached to humans back, “Unfortunately he has no way of removing the suit here either way. We would have to construct the proper machines to remove it, as I do not believe they are present in this… galaxy." Tic-Tac said searching for the proper word. "But he hasn’t been out of it in a very long time, I assure you it’s not a burden to him.”
“Right, well thank you for saving us back there. So did you… um kill them all?”
“No, we merely disabled their systems on the bridge. They’re going to be stuck there for quite a while until someone can give them a ride. We have decided to accompany you to the nearest port where we can acquire our own ship and then we shall be on our way.” Tic-Tac responded.
“Wait wait wait, we went through all the trouble of getting you out of there, helped you bring Human back, and now you want to leave us already?”
“We have no desire to get involved in another conflict after having it be our sole purpose for as long as we can remember. I hope you can understand why we wish to make our own choices now.”
“Okay hold on, we helped you get off the base, and helped you wake up Human. So maybe you could at least come with us back home and hear us out. From someone a little more charismatic than myself.”
“Very well, how long until we arrive?”
“Um, maybe a week?”
“Terrific. Well maybe we can pass the time by telling me how you came to learn of us, and more about who you’re fighting. I only speak for myself saying I would love to know more. It really has been a long time since I’ve had a good conversation with someone that's not a part of myself.”
“Of course, here let me show you to the common room, you two can stay there until we make a stop.” Lizra led them to a large room in the center of the ship, adorned with various different chairs for the different species on board. She took the seat that was present for her, a round flat bed where she was able to curl up and use her long tail as a pillow. Human took off the black box that was Tic-tac and dropped it onto the table in the middle.
“Enjoy.” He spoke before leaving the room. Argall followed closely behind Human and Lizra only picked up the beginning of his sentence, asking about how he was able to break into the ship like that.
“Is he always this… charming?”
“He isn’t the nicest, you don't have to sidestep it. We have been through a lot. I’d like to tell you more, but I do not want to make him any angrier with me than he already is. He’s been through more than I could possibly begin to explain.
“Well I hope he ends up doing better. Maybe we can find a beach for him when we make a stop, I remember him mentioning that.”
“I’m sure he would appreciate that.”
“You know, I have been thinking about something rather peculiar he said to me when we were in your computer room.”
“And what might that be?”
“He apologized to me, but he hadn’t done anything that warranted an apology at the time.”
Tic-Tac was silent for a moment before speaking, “He has been trapped in his own head for quite some time. I would not dwell on anything strange he says. 909 is a man of few words, and does not come from a world that places social interactions in their list of their priorities.”
Lizra was quiet for a moment, feeling as if there was more Tic-Tac had wanted to say but decided not to. Before she could press further, the black box spoke again. “So, who is this Core you mentioned back there?”
“Oh my where to begin with that one. I guess my own species’ story would be a good place to start. About 1000 years ago we were nearly brought to complete extinction…”

Hey Guys,
So you may be aware that western scholarship has been approaching the topic of the preservation of the Quran in depth. In the 70s, Patricia Crone wrote Hagarism which led to the development of the Revisionist School of Quranic studies. They said that because the Quran mentions vegetation and because Mecca wasn’t as large as a trading hub as Muslim tradition represents, and because the Quran seems to reference such a wide gamut of sources, it was impossible that the Quran was compiled in Arabia, but must have been in Petra or a city with greater links to the wider world, and that it was written by comities over three hundred years after the prophet.
The secondary claim of the academics is that none of the Hadith literature can be trusted. Now, I do believe that some of the Hadith (perhaps more than we assume) may have been corrupted, but I do think academia is far too dismissive of the historicity of the hadith completely. I read the Hadith in precisely the same way that I read the old testament: both contain some Wahi - or revelation - but neither is the word of God verbatim, and if anything in them directly contradicts the Quran or aql, I reject it outright. That being said, I do believe some of it is historical and goes back to the prophet and is therefore part of the Sunnah and is Wahi.
Returning to our discussion: the discovery of the Sanaa’ palimpsest put the revisionist theory to rest as the entire Quran has now been attested to around 650 - Uthman’s Quran. However scholarship has not yet been able to conclude the historicity of Abubakar’s Quran. I have attached my arguments (I have not included the arguments of the person I was discussing with because I do not have his permission to repost).
I was wondering what you think of this argument, or whether any of you are capable of carrying out or redesigning the experiment I outline here to prove the likely historicity of Abubakar’s Quran. Please note, I take on a secular tone in the text because that’s the rules of that forum which I respect, it’s academia not apologetics, not because I believe in the ideology. However, here, I hope to see what you think.
POST 1
Dr. Van Putten points out there is significant orthographic consistency in Quranic manuscripts, highlighting the way the name Ibrahim is spelled for instance.
Do you believe this could demonstrate elements of the original compilation of the Quran under Abu Bakar ?
My argument is fairly simple:

1. Uthman’s recension was done to prevent variants and to maintain a uniform authoritative codex.
2. Given that context, it doesn’t make sense to have variant spellings of proper nouns like names in a standardised text, particularly in verses adjacent to eachother which would be jarring.
3. This is not due to the fact that orthography wasn’t important, as we see meticulous care to retain the variant orthographical features across manuscripts.
4. Given the push for uniformity, there must have been a stronger push factor / reason to retain the lack of uniformity in a project whose entire purpose was uniformity.
5. The most obvious reason is that the original authoritative text that the first compilation (Abu Bakar’s tentatively) was sourced from was fragmentary: ie sourced from different fragments written by several different scribes each of whom had different spellings of proper nouns - the collection of this fragmentary material (written on perishable items according to tradition - led to the first compilation project which retained the variant spellings in the Abubakar Archetype). The Uthmanic recension had access to the Abubakar archetype but the variant spellings were retained because the fragmentary verses held the highest authority. Zaid was said to be in charge of both projects.
6. Since the original manuscript (Abu Bakar’s) was personal property of the Caliph (and wasn’t copied or in distribution until Uthman) other variants were not destroyed according to the traditional narrative, other stemma could have formed either from companion codexes or from the Uthmanic codex forward (the variants being sourced from other physically attested fragmentary pieces - therefore justifying their inclusion.
7. The most likely scenario for the text we see in my mind is the tradition: a fragmentary written archetype that was faithfully followed by Zaid ibn Thabit (and variants being included from other fragmentary attestations of the same verses).

So does the orthography suggest the narrative of the original pre-Uthmanic compilation of an authoritative text has legs / should be explored further / is the most cogent explanation of currently available data ?
Dr. Van Putten, I also reference your work in making my argument, so please let me know if I have mischaracterised it, I would also love your thoughts on this theory.
POST 2
Hey, first thank you for your response. What i was trying to say is that the spelling wasn’t standard and varied both between scribes and a single scribe may spell words differently, thats a given.
My actual point is that while that may generally be true, the fact that the uthmanic text more or less faithfully reproduces the set of variant spellings in copies suggests that the uthmanic committiee did care about the spelling, but chose not to make it uniform - otherwise the locations of the variants wouldnt be relatively consistent in copies. This, to me at least, suggests there was an archetype which had the variant spellings, which was respected as an authoritative source ie an earlier written codex which was likely fragmentary.
It’s just an assumption, you’re right, but was wondering if it has legs.
Another way to get to what i’m asking, does the evidence youve found suggest the existence of an earlier written codex as the tradition attests to ? If not, whats a better explanation for what we see ?
POST 3
Thank you again for your response, it's really an honour speaking with you.
“If the first codex wasn't a direct copy of anything,” My argument is that the first codex was a copy of written fragmentary verses.
The consistency of the Uthmanic manuscripts with regards to the spelling convention (whatever the distribution of the way a single word is spelled, that's not my focus, my focus is on the consistency with which each spelling appears in its position across manuscripts) - if that consistency is high, that strongly suggests they were aware of the different spellings because they cared enough about the spellings to reproduce them faithfully in their exact positions, but they didn't change them - and the existence of an authoritative written text that was collected from fragmentary sources / scribes (and therefore had varied spellings) would seem to have the most explanatory power for the data we do see.
What I’m inferring is that if we see this consistency in the location of certain spellings in the Uthmanic text type, the story of Abubakar's Quran explains that data best.
For clarity:
My argument actually doesn’t rely on the distribution between various spellings in the text, but rather on the fact that the position of the various spellings are maintained exactly in copies - i.e. the difference in count between the spellings isn’t relevant to this argument.
If we limit ourselves to a single codification, this creates a conundrum: on one hand they seem to care immensely about the position of various spellings (and therefore implicitly care about the spelling), but on the other hand they don’t see the differences in spellings as significant as obvious variation exists in the text - so the position of various spellings in the text is important, but the fact that there are different spellings of the same word between those precise positions is not important (as there are variants).
POST 4
This is what I reference:
Dr. Van Putten’s findings lit a light bulb off for me: the data makes most sense if the traditional narrative is correct and there were two codifications.
Van Putten: “By examining 14 early Quranic manuscripts, it is shown that this phrase is consistently spelled using only one of the two spellings in the same position in all of these different manuscripts. It is argued that such consistency can only be explained by assuming that all these manuscripts come from a single written archetype, meaning there must have been a codification project sometime in the first century.”
Sidky: “If the first codex wasn't a direct copy of anything, then there is nothing for them to care about.”
But there was something to copy according to the tradition: written fragments that had small chunks of Surahs or just had individual verses. I want to test for that - ie can the orthographic data we have not be random or just chalked up to ancients not caring about spelling, but instead be due to the fact that the verses were transcribed by different scribes. This isn’t a multiple author hypothesis - I don’t think that has credence, it is however an argument that it may be worth testing if the first codex was fragmentary, which would strongly support the traditional narrative.
The first codex wasn’t a written rendition of an oral text according to tradition, it was a compilation of fragmentary verses that were in turn the actual written editions of the oral text. The difference is significant - because if true, and assuming the fragments were small and written by the scribes then the speaker of the oral text would be the prophet himself and the variation would likely be from the prophet or from the scribes mistranscription of what he said - but because they were small fragments, this is less likely.
POST 5
My theory explains this by the strict adherence to the written fragmentary verses that Zayd collected from scribes that wrote them down. Each had a different approach to orthography, but whatever their approach when the original Abubakar Quran was collected their writing held absolute authority as it was written under the supervision of the prophet, so Zayd would be motivated to retain it exactly (if there was more than one attestations of the same verse, for instance an additional article or the lack of one, Zayd could choose to use one fragment in one codex and another fragment in another codex to preserve both as both meet the same conditions of authority). Each scribe likely had different spelling conventions, and likely applied their preferred spelling conventions with differing consistency.
A scribe that wasn’t consistent could have the same word spelled differently in the same verse, and another scribe that was meticulously consistent could have an entire Surah with completely consistent spelling - depending on what fragments were found from which scribes.
Whatever was on those fragments was likely transcribed exactly (as Zayd, the same person in charge of Uthman’s compilation, was also in charge of the first compilation project, and so likely employed the same standard of exact copying of the written text irrespective of spelling variants).
So if the traditional narrative is correct, if we had the original codex we would expect to see some natural variation in the spelling convention because it was collected from various sources with different spelling conventions - if the Uthmanic text faithfully copied that text, whatever the distribution of variants between the various words in number, we would see their exact position meticulously maintained in copies of the Uthmanic codex because the first codex would have had them and would be authoritative.
POST 6

1. The best explanation for why the Uthmanic text maintained orthographic variance is because it copied from an authoritative older written text.
2. The best explanation for why the older written text has variation in the spelling is that it was transcribed by different scribes who spelled things slightly differently. Those initial scribes would have been dictated to directly by the Prophet so their transcription would outweigh all others, so the variants we see could either be due to their mishearing, or assuming the Prophet was illiterate, he would not have been able to enforce spelling conventions, so scribes would have had creative license to write the name in the spelling convention they were most familiar with. So scribes with a Jewish background would be more likely to spell ‫ﺍ‬ ‫ﺑ‬ ‫ﺮ‬ ‫ﻫ‬ ‫ﻢ‬ and those without would spell ‫ﺍ‬ ‫ﺑ‬ ‫ﺮ‬ ‫ﻫ‬ ‫ﻴ‬ ‫ﻢ‬, but if those spellings appeared next to another word like Nimatullah and we see that both one spelling of Abraham appears every time one spelling of nimatullah appears, and a third word with variant spelling in the quran also appears in only one way when the first two have that form, then we can suggest that it comes from a single fragment that had orthographic consistency, and other fragments of the quran with a similar pattern likely come from the same scribe.

If we have a sufficient number of pairings to analyse we can build confidence that all of the verses that adhere to those pairing were written by a single scribe & confirm the Abubakar hypothesis with a degree of statistical confidence, because the story of fragmentary compilation would match the data we see, .

The bright yellow terror

‘’Every now and then I would stare at the murky brown water below and see several small glimpses of bright yellow popping up from and then retreating down below the surface in rhythmic fashion. Like a dance routine. Bright deadly yellow. The rotting sweet stench of death still lodged in my nostrils.’’
I had happened upon these diary pages by mistake when I was digging through old boxes in my basement. My wife had insisted, finally, that I sort out and get rid of everything I didn’t need. Now here I was, confronted with a part of my past I had tried to suppress unsuccessfully for so many years. 24 years to be exact. 24 odd years of trying to understand what exactly happened in those days when I was trapped on a rooftop in Phuket during a deadly and disastrous natural catastrophe.
24 odd years of having to dodge around questions of my abject and unwavering fear of the ocean. Well, in truth, I guess being caught in a large tsunami and witnessing immense destructive forces of nature coming directly from the great wide ocean would be a fair excuse, but it was only half the truth. It wasn’t just the waves themselves that had terrified me.
Until now, I thought the water damaged remains of the diary I kept back then was lost. I even hoped it was. I never shared this story with anyone. Partly because the horror was too fresh in my memory back then and I wanted to focus on moving on with my life and by the time I felt my mind was stabilized I had no real interest in returning to that dark part of my past. Partly because the right words always escaped me.
Mostly because I was afraid people would think I was insane. I can no longer contain this, however. I need an outlet. I spend years running from it. But I guess I can’t lie to myself anymore. Someone once told me that writing can be therapeutic. Simply putting your thoughts down on paper, or in our times, more likely in word document, can help you compartmentalize trauma. So, I’m giving it a try. I can’t pretend the events of those days in Phuket didn’t cast a shadow over everything in my life that came after.
I often think of the beach days I missed with my son when he was a boy. Days where I should’ve done dad stuff. Thrown him into the ocean. Watched him laugh his little face of as he braved the waves. Helped him build sandcastles. Gone exploring along the sandy shores in search of beached treasure in the form little rocks and the odd piece of amber. I just couldn’t. Initially I had objected to the idea of him going at all. Naturally, my wife would hear none of that and I realized reluctantly, that my fear and trauma should not rule my son’s life. Instead, my wife would go, and I would always stay home. She understood, to some degree, what I had gone through and where my fear came from.
Only to some degree. My son did not, and I fear he resented my absence on those perfect sunny days, despite my efforts to make up for it with other activities. Both he and my wife certainly noticed how closed off I was about certain parts of my past. Secrets untold, especially those who are grounded in trauma, almost inevitably turns to toxic in our systems. I’m finally ready. I just hope it isn’t too late.
I won’t lie. I’ve always had a vivid imagination although I have never had trouble distinguishing between what is real and what is not. At least until my sense of reality was forever challenged. I know these things happened to me. I know what I saw and what I experienced was real. I just don’t have a truly rational explanation for it. Yet, I swear, there was something in the water that came with that tsunami. Something deeply, deeply unnatural. Something brightly and oddly yellow. I had no other word for it than the bright yellow terror.
I had travelled to Thailand, more precisely Bangkok late December 2000. 19 years old about to turn 20. I was on one of those infamous and increasingly popular self-discovery trips. I had caught the fever. Like so many other young hopeful adventurers at the time I had seen The Beach. I had read into the wild by Jon Krakauer.
I watched Dicaprio walk the sandy shores of paradise and read on in excitement and awe as Christopher McCandles set out to become one with nature and discover himself. Kill the false being within and all that. In simple terms, I thought I’d try and find my own slice of heaven on earth. Expand my horizon. Get to know some new people. Learn something about myself in the process perhaps. I wasn’t exactly fleeing from anything, that wasn’t it. I had a loving although cuddling and overprotective family. Especially my mom would worry about me constantly (and still does).
Yes, I admit it. My parents had paved the way for me at almost every step. Made sure I got into the right schools. Made sure I never needed for money. I guess I got tired of feeling dependent on them. I stopped taking their money and saved up for the trip myself. It was time I stepped up. It was time I threw myself into the world to see what would happen. Hell of a time and place I picked for that.
The following story is based on the surviving pages of the diary I kept during the time and my own memory.
Bangkok 23rd December 2000. 4 days before the tsunami.
‘’My first day in Bangkok. Quite overwhelming but in a nice way. No one here to save me. No one here to tell me what to do. Thailand is hot and humid and there’s something in the air. I think it’s adventure. I think it’s limitless opportunity. I met a monkey in a diaper and got thoroughly beaten and lost 100 bath in a game of connect four by some 10-year-old kid. Got scammed as well though, I will have to wise up and learn the ropes. Avoid the yellow taxis. Go for the Tuk Tuks. Well, lesson learned. I met a guy who told me all kinds of terrifying things about Australia. Robert. I’m meeting him in Phuket a couple of days from now.’’
You could probably imagine the excitement bubbling within me. For the first time on my own. 19 years old. Prime of my life. In a strangely new and exotic city. Possibilities seemed endless. I still remember vividly driving off with the wind in my hair in a tuk-tuk as Bangkok unfolded before me with all its oriental mysticism and surrounding cityscapes. To be fair, I had never even seen an honest to god palm tree before as they simply couldn’t grow in the northern climate I was from.
I got myself stationed in a decent guesthouse around Khaosan Road. Everywhere I looked it seems others had gotten the same idea as me. Backpackers littered the streets and in a strange way, I felt at home amidst this quiet chaos, amidst the crowds of hopefully likeminded explorers, far, far away from home. The humidity was hitting me though, it was something I would have to get used to. It felt like a wet hot invisible blanket. Khaosan Road was perfect for me. A meeting place for young backpackers, with tons of opportunities to plan further travels. I did after all, not plan on staying in Bangkok for too long. It was just a stepping point to other adventures.
It was still early, and the humidity was clammy as hell. I was in the mood to socialize and with no real plans I simply ventured out into the streets of Bangkok, circling around the area where my guesthouse was located. It wasn’t long before the first opportunity presented itself in the form of a taxi driver calling me over. He offered to take me on a tour of the city. Foolish and naïve as I was, I indulged him. I remember how the cab driver lit up a doobie, joint, spliff, devil’s lettuce whatever you want to call it.
You know it as soon as you breathe in the air. Don’t get me wrong, I smoked myself, but letting a clearly high person drive me around the busy Bangkok traffic did not seem like a good idea. I should probably have asked to be let out that very moment, but as the kind of timid, shy type of person I was plus the desire to just go along with whatever happened come what may made me stay. Unsurprisingly I was eventually led to a store, fitted for a suit a didn’t want, and then subsequently charged an obscene amount for the cab ride. I didn’t have the courage to refuse his unreasonable demand. Noteworthy mention. That same night I heard from a fellow traveler that just recently someone had been stabbed in an argument with a cab driver. I didn’t let it get me down or drive me off course, because as you’ve probably gathered by now, I didn’t have a course.
As day turned to night and when the sun’s rays slowly disappeared behind the rooftops of Bangkok, the city itself began to transform. As if a part of it which had laid dormant, hidden away from the light, started to emerge.
Neon lights advertising different bars, people making all kinds of promises of untold pleasures and sensations. Tourists ready to party. All now filled the streets. Some seemed all too aware of what they were looking for, others simply drifted around aimlessly, in search of something unknown, something to spice up their existence. I found a small seemingly cool place called The Hangover. I swear to god, I wish to this day I hadn’t. Maybe then I wouldn’t have set my course for Phuket. In any case, I went in and pushed myself through the crowds of rowdy and loud tourists and up the bar where I ordered a Pina Colada. Please don’t judge me. I just really like coconuts and the song is pretty good as well. Standing at the crowded bar and looking around, hoping something interesting would catch my eye. But most of all, I was hoping someone would just take the first step and come talk to me.
Someone did. His name was Robert, and he was from Australia. A tall skinny and no-nonsense older guy who seemed quite experienced with all things Thailand. He eventually invited me down to his group of friends at the far back end of the bar. Robert spared no time telling me about himself. He had worked all kinds of jobs, in all kinds of places. Most recently he had worked as a guide in Phuket. Among other things he had arranged rock climbing expeditions. I probably forgot to mention, I was big into rock climbing and generally all kinds of outdoor activities back then.
I already had quite the climbing experience despite my young age. As Robert talked about all the places he’d been, he made me feel like the novice I was. That was never his intention though, as I quickly learned. He wasn’t a bragger. He just knew what he was talking about and when he laughed, he did it with his entire face and in a way that made you laugh with him and feel comfortable.
Eventually the conversation naturally gravitated towards Australia. A place I had always wanted to visit. He looked at me for a second, as if to contemplate something. Then told me to watch out for locals trying to play pranks on me. I was naturally interested in hearing more and that’s when he told me about drop bears. Supposedly drop bears are carnivorous versions of Koalas residing in trees to then drop down on unsuspecting victims and viciously attack them. We laughed quite a lot, and I admitted I would probably have believed the stories as I was a fairly naive person and the idea of hostile subspecies of koalas didn’t seem that farfetched to me. It would be typical of past me to get punked around like that. Our conversation then shifted towards Australian wildlife and fauna and the horrors residing within its diverse and complicated eco system. He told me about a plant not uncommonly referred to as the suicide plant. Dendrocnide moroides or more commonly known as stinging tree, stinging bush or gympie gympie apparently has such a nasty and painful sting it made a man commit suicide simply to escape the pain. Another dangerous inhabitant was the box jellyfish he explained.
Their sting was about as deadly as it gets. A single sting to a human will cause necrosis of the skin, excruciating pain and, if the dose of venom is large enough, cardiac arrest and death within minutes. I have always found jellyfish equal parts fascinating and equal parts frightening. Beautiful but deadly creatures. In fact, the ocean, in all its grand wide-reaching glory had always horrified me to some extent. So much unexplored space. Who truly knows what could be lurking down there? Robert quickly assured me, that as long as you take your precaution the likelihood of getting stung by a box jellyfish was rather small. They had signs up warning people against them. Generally, do not ignore these signs. They are there for a good reason.
It was getting late and before we said our goodbyes Robert suggested I meet him in Phuket, more precisely in the Khao Lak area on the 28^th as that was the first day he would be able to. I thought why not? He seemed genuinely nice and knowledgeable. Just good company all around and he promised to show me the greatest climbing spots a bit away from the crowded tours. It was a start.
I would never meet Robert again. I don’t know what happened to him. Thinking back on those days leading up to the point the waves came crashing down always gives me an uneasy, sad, and melancholic feeling. The people I met in Bangkok talking about going south. Those I met in Phuket before it happened. I have no idea if they ended up as corpses floating through the murky brown waters or god forbid, victims of that unholy terror from the deep. I hope Robert wasn’t among those unfortunate souls who died or went… ‘’Missing’’. Although if I must pick one or the other. I would hope he died quickly.
Bangkok 24^th of December 2000. 3 days before the tsunami.
I woke up with a slight hangover. Christmas is commonly celebrated on this date in my country, so I was expecting some calls to go through on my brick sized Nokia at some point once all the good folks back home woke up. They were about 5 hours behind me and at 9 AM Bangkok time they would still be sleeping. I used the time to do some shopping before my trip to Phuket. I got plenty of rope, a couple of snap hooks and a harness. I knew they’d have all of this on the guided tours, but I liked to find my own spots to climb, and I had good sense and knowledge enough to not attempt anything too daring. By the way. For those uninitiated, snap hooks are used to make a quick, reversible connection on a system of ropes, or to connect a rope or cord to another component, like a lanyard medallion or barrier post. Essential if you want to go climbing. If you’ve ever gone ziplining it’s the thing that connects you safely to the zipline and lets you slight across.
After having done my shopping, I bought a bus ticket to Phuket intending on leaving that same night and went back to my hotel room. As exciting as Bangkok was, I felt it was more for people intend on partying and in all honesty, a bit too crowded for me. I was excited to move on and I could always come back if I wanted to. On my way into the reception area, I was stopped by a young hip looking dude looking for a cigarette. Now I don’t necessarily consider myself a perfect judge of character, but he had an easy-going way about him that immediately drew me in. Sometimes, you can just tell.
He had sort of a rugged look about him. Dirty blond half-long hair. His face I would best describe as boyish but something in his eyes betrayed him and revealed his age to be older than you would assume. His style was… Boheme I guess I would describe it as. Like something taken out of the 70s LA scene. I’m not a smoker. Never was. So, I couldn’t help him on that front. It didn’t matter he would find someone else he said. For a while we just casually talked. Apparently, he had come to Bangkok just a few days prior and seemed about as lost and without direction as I had been before deciding on taking my chances in Phuket. Alex was his name, and he would later save my life and help me understand what it means to forge a quick and unbreakable connection through shared trauma, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
He asked me if I wanted to go somewhere and get a beer. I thought why not? He was about my age and on his own as well. I told him I had to go make some calls and I’d be out in about an hour. Back the hotel room I quickly gathered all my stuff and packed it up, so it was ready to go. My climbing gear took up the most space. I figured if things went well with Alex, I might be able to persuade him in joining me at some point in Phuket. Even though I had set out for this trip to be about discovering myself and being on my own, I longed for some kind of company. Don’t we all? I called my parents up and we wished each other a happy Christmas. It was odd to think they were somewhere nearly half-way across the world celebrating Christmas while snow draped the landscapes there. Here I was, In hot and humid paradise. No, I did not miss the cold or the snow, but I did miss not being there to celebrate the holidays with my family. But it had been my choice to go during the holiday season and I did not regret it. I had saved up enough money and there was no point in waiting anymore. There would be many other holidays to celebrate in the future.
My 5-year-old nephew somehow got a hold of the phone. Not quite the conversationalist yet, it still felt good to hear his voice. Hearing his excitement over the prospect of celebrating Christmas brought me back to my own childhood. Decorating the Christmas tree, watching holiday cartoons and of course, opening presents. I finished my calls and went out to see if Alex was ready. He was already waiting for me and had apparently managed to score some cigarettes in the meantime. He had changed his outfit as well. Now wearing a faded black doors t-shirt. We talked a bit about Jim Morrison and the doors as we headed off down streets. We passed a myriad of small stands selling everything from electronics to colorful t-shirts and small bracelets with campy misspelled English catchphrases. We dodged the many intrusive offers and eventually found a small comfy looking bar with seats outside shaded by palm trees. We ordered a couple of beers and the conversation started flowing along quite nicely. Alex was 25 and from London It turned out. We also had a common interest in music. For a while he had busked as a street musician while working odd jobs here and there and had eventually decided to travel the world.
His first stop had been India where for a while he had lived on the rooftop of some abandoned building while attempting to learn the art of playing the sitar. I thought about that for a second. Living it rough on some rooftop in India. I don’t know why that idea intrigued me so much. Seemed like freedom to me, I guess. Sleeping under the wide-open skies. Looking down on the streets and watching people go about their lives. I guess I just liked the idea of doing something that seemed different from what I had ever done before. Living on a rooftop, if even just for a while, was definitely not something I had done before. There was the view as well, Alex reminded me. And it was free of course. We drifted off into long conversations about music I won’t bore you too much with, only to let you know we shared a passion for old school music like the doors and Jimi Hendrix as well as 90s shoegaze music like My Bloody Valentine, Ride and Slowdive. I had Slowdive’s Shine playing in my mind that day. All felt so dreamy at the time.
I eventually told Alex of my plans to go to Phuket and he was onboard almost immediately. I loved how easy it was here on the road. There was no ‘’well maybe’’, or ‘’let’s think about it.’’ In fact, Alex had been to Phuket before and knew of a place we could stay for free. Another rooftop of course, but he had already sold me on the idea. From there, we could plan our next step he said. ‘’our next step’’ I don’t remember vibing with someone that quickly before or since, but then I guess making friends is always easier when you’re young and easy going. I always seemed to attract good company without much effort back then. I chalk it down to my friendly and slightly shy demeanor. Seems it only becomes harder to make friends as the years pass though. At least for me it did.
We got a bus ticket for Alex and shopped a bit more. I got some first aid supplies. Bandages, plasters, that kind of stuff. Rock climbing is safe, mind you, but you can end up scraping yourself and I felt in general, being prepared for whatever might be a good idea if I was to live it rough on some rooftop. The bus-ride to Phuket took about 12 hours give or take. By going at night, we could sleep most of the way and be in Phuket early morning on the 25^th. The trip down was uneventful. We would take turns listening to music on Alex’s Walkman or talk about things we saw along the way. Like roadside bars and restaurants who were little more than a tin roof covering a few plastic chairs and brightly colored menu cards. Everything seemed simpler here, in the best ways possible.
No big flash, no fanfares or luxury. Nothing pretentious. Just a calm, laid back atmosphere and friendly smiles from the locals as we passed by. Alex told me he wanted to start a band blending elements of Shoegaze with classic rock and insisted I learn to play the drums as he had tried but found no luck. String instruments were more him he told me. I told him jokingly if he could come up with a good name, I might be down. He just nodded and looked out the window and started talking about how beef was a rare and more expensive ingredient in Thai cuisine, and I wondered about the sudden random change of subject. Although we had talked a lot during the short time we had known each other, Alex was still a mystery to me in many ways. Judging from all the things he told me he seemed like a person who dreamed big, but never really followed through
An unfinished education. Scribbles on pieces of paper that ended up gathering dust in his drawer instead of turning into a book. A band that never really took off because he lost interest or didn’t deem that it was good enough to get successful. He talked at length about leaving a legacy. It seemed to be something that concerned him. I guess he wanted to put his mark on the world. To be remembered. To live on in some small way. I had never really thought about it myself although I did have a fascination with historical people and the lives they lived. In fact, when I do read I mostly read biographies. I just never had any ambition like that myself. I don’t need the world to know my name, or sing my praises, or remember me. Good friends, family and a sense of freedom and adventure was enough. I had tried to ask Alex about his family and friends back home, but he seemed avoidant and always found a way to change the subject without really providing any meaningful information. At certain points, I sensed a carefully hidden sadness behind his otherwise optimistically youthful and bright blue gaze.
Phuket 25^th of December 2000. 2 days before the tsunami.
Alex woke me up. It was 9 AM and we had arrived at the Phuket bus terminal 1 near Phang Nga Road. We were here. Alex explained to me that the there were several derelict and abandoned buildings perfect for establishing a free of charge rooftop domicile in an area not too far from the resorts of Khao Lak. Phuket back then wasn’t exactly the overcrowded tourist spot it is today, but it was well on the way. I understood why. The scenery was beautiful. Long sandy beaches with small island dots in the horizon, begging to be explored. Giant limestone cliffs covered in green shrubs. It did seem like paradise to me, without being too far away from civilization. I guess despite my adventurous nature, I wasn’t quite ready at that point, to walk into the wild, which is why Khao Lak seemed perfect as a start for me.
We found the area Alex had talked about. Several derelict buildings were concentrated in a small area divided by a main street that if followed long enough, led to an area with shops and places to dine. We set our eyes on what looked like an abandoned apartment complex. It was derelict, rugged looking and it seemed clear at first that no one lived there. Its ghostly façade begged us inside to explore and we accepted the invitation. As we made our way in, through a busted window in the back, we quickly became aware that the place might not be as abandoned as we had initially thought. Several signs of squatters such as cooking utensils and sleeping mats lay scattered here and there. Alex quickly rationalized that it could just be other backpackers, or it could be the people had moved on. I shrugged and we decided to make our way to the roof. We made our way to the top floor and accessed a broken-down door that led directly out onto the roof. I must admit, besides excitement, I was somewhat hesitant. Any doubt I had disappeared when we first stepped onto the rooftop terrace. It was perfect. It seemed it had functioned as a balcony or space of sorts the inhabitants could make use of for gatherings.
The entire space was surrounded by a fence. Several palm trees shaded the northwest corner which was perfect for when things got too hot. In the middle a small shed or janitorial sort of building stood. We found some cleaning materials, brooms, some parasols in there as well as an old rusty grill. The view was great. We could see the large beachfront in the far distance surrounded by limestones. After inspecting the area and finding it to our liking we sat down, and Alex broke out a bottle of whiskey. Unaware of the horror that would later unfold here, we celebrated in the shade of the palm trees. We had found our place for a while. Our place.
After a while we decided to put some money in the local economy and shop for supplies.
Essentials: Water. Cigarettes. Booze. The devil’s lettuce. Cooking utensils. Although none of us was admittedly any much of a cook. But what the hell. Can’t be seen dining out every night when we were trying to live off the fat of the land so to speak. I know, ridiculous. We were squatters. Nothing more. But heck, we would move on if we became a problem for any one here. We weren’t trying to be a bother.
Optional but greatly wanted: A blow-up animal mascot. Maybe a dolphin if possible. Some new music for Alex’s walk-man. A guitar. Decorating artifacts of any kind to make our domicile more personal.
We more or less got everything we needed and started setting up base. Getting our hands on something funny to smoke proved the biggest challenge but Alex finally succeeded at a beachfront bar. Some friendly Norwegian dude who had connections apparently. He warned us against being too open about doing drugs, even if was ‘’just’’ marijuana. Thailand had a strict approach to drugs. We thanked him and he told us to just come back here at the bar if we needed more, he was usually around.
Afternoon was rolling around and there we were. Sitting atop Phuket. On our very own rooftop presidential suite. We decorated the place with a few things we found. Among them ‘’Arthur’’ our blow-up shark (they had no dolphins). Alex had come up with the name, I asked him why ‘’Arthur’’ but in what I had quickly come to know as typical Alex fashion he just shrugged it off. We just smoked a bit and drank some booze as the evening progressed and I told Alex about Robert and Australia and all the nasty things that could kill you there. I’m not sure why, but it had made an impression on me. Insects, rare poisonous creatures, stuff like that was nightmare fuel for me. Don’t even get me started on spiders. Alex was a bit more laid back on that front. He seemed most amused and interested in the suicide plant and wondered if some poor soul had ever mistakenly used it as toilet paper and we had a good hard chuckle over that idea. Poor soul indeed.
As night rolled on stars started popping up on a clear night the sky and I learned that Alex had a fascination with the universe. Particularly the idea of multiverses and infinite universes. What if somewhere out there we were looking back at ourselves. Slightly different but still us. Sometimes it seemed to me he longed to be anywhere else but where he was. Maybe trapped in the past he was so reluctant to share with me. Then we started talking about time. I don’t exactly remember why. I think he brought it up.
Anyway, Alex had a lot to say about time. Like how he believed our perception of time is tied to our experiences. For example, someone who spends their life not stepping up, not really taking risks or chances, just following along the stream, just following the routine, in essence, just killing time, might experience time as having moved fast when they look back, because there are simply less variety, less volume, less memories to look back on. We don’t remember routines, we remember breaking them, we remember doing new things, meeting new people, being in new places. It creates the illusion that gives time volume, that makes it seem fuller, longer. I liked that idea a lot. It made sense to me. Make sure you live life to the fullest and waste as little time as possible.
I told him about my 10^th grade math teacher and how he said something about time I will never forget. Our perception of time can be measured mathematically. For example, to a 4-year-old turning 5 the transition of a year will seem much longer than it will to a 24-year-old turning 25. Because 1 in 5 is a larger fraction than 1 in 25. It blew my mind. The longer you live, the faster time seem to pass. But I agreed with him, maybe the quality and variety of the life you live and the memories you make has an affect too. Alex made a ‘’boom’’ motion with his hands around his head and laughed. We were quite stoned at that point and well, some of you might know how being stoned sometimes throws you into these philosophical conversations. It was nice. I enjoyed the ease with which I could talk to Alex about all kinds of things.
At one point I asked him a hypothetical. If he could go back in time and change just one thing, what would he do. He fell silent. I once again sensed the sadness creeping behind his eyes. It was if he was about to answer, like he was sizing me up but then shot the idea down. Time travel is impossible, so why bother was his only response and I accepted that whatever troubled him in the past, was not for me to know even if my interest only grew stronger and stronger.
I told him about my family. My overprotective mother. My father and his desperate attempts to get me interested in cars. About my older sister and my nephew. Alex nodded and asked the usual polite questions. When the subject came to my little brother his interest seemed to spark significantly. How old was he? Was I good older brother? Did I look out for him? I didn’t think much about it at the time other than finding it curious how interested he seemed to be. When we finally settled in the for night, under the starry sky, I slipped into a nightmare. It was the same I had had years earlier when I was 16. Back then I was having a hard time adjusting to the new school I had started at and maybe because of that stress I was having nightmares coupled with sleep paralysis.
I would lie in my bed, paralyzed. On my side, facing the door to my room. I often had the light on outside of the room and it would shine in through the open door. This one time , I saw dark figure approaching. Optimistically I assumed it was my mom, coming to wake me up. Although as the dark figure approached, I quickly realized this wasn’t so. No words were uttered. The eerie figure just slowly came closer, until it was right by my bed side. It sat down and I realized it was an old woman or man. It was hard to tell, because its face was literally just a mish mash of wrinkled flesh. No eyes and no mouth either. But it mumbled through its mouthless face. Speaking in tongues.
I spent some considerable time afterwards wondering what it could have been trying to communicate to me. I know of course, this was all just my mind playing tricks on me. Yet, that experience was, I suppose, my first nudge towards believing there’s more between heaven and earth than we might know. It seemed aggressive in any case. My insides were screaming as I desperately tried to wiggle myself awake as I had sometimes successfully done during paralysis. I eventually woke up. Drenched in sweat. Back then though, I had actually been in my room, and in the dream the room had stood clearly for me as it actually looked in reality which only made it seem more real. This time, I woke up next to Alex, still drenched in sweat. Alex had woken up. I had screamed in my sleep apparently. He comforted me in an almost brotherly show of affection. It took me by surprise a bit. I appreciated it, though it only made me wonder about him even more. I would have to solve the mystery behind Alex I decided. I would have to truly gain his trust. Figure him out. And I did.
Phuket 26^th of December 2000. 1 day before the tsunami.
‘’Alex played the guitar a bit and I drummed up some beats. It needed some work, but not half bad. We came up with a name for our band to be as well. Subway sleepers. Based on Alex’s time sleeping in the subway of London. It was another hot perfect day on the rooftop. We talked about going climbing the next day and I can’t wait to show Alex the joys of rock climbing. Everything is peaceful here. No stress. Just living life. Smoking it up. Meeting new people. We talked some more with that Norwegian weed dude and invited him and a couple of his friends up to ‘’our’’ place for a party. Another near perfect day.’’
Looking at these diary scribbles is making me feel it all over again. The serenity of those calm worriless summer days (well it was winter back home but it felt like summer here. Strange that) leading up to disaster. Always calmest before the storm they say. This was our last day before everything changed. Before I got a lesson in humanity. In stress under crisis. Before everything I thought I knew changed forever in the meeting with something that surely shouldn’t exist in this world.

43yo newly out, I have literally zero experience being with men but might be getting some soon. What are the most important grooming things I should take care of?
I know every specific thing will be a turn-on or turn-off depending on the guy, but are there “most likely” things that’d be worth focusing on. I don’t plan on anything anal yet, so mainly talking about everywhere else.
I for sure plan to be as clean as possible and smell nice. I’m modestly hairy, and I think I’ll trim my pubes some.
What’s the breath etiquette? Carry mints? Gum? Got a rec for what works best?
(Obvi, I’m nervous, and I express my anxiety by learning/researching as much as I can.)
TIA

-My husband & I have been together for 8yr. Below is a timeline of my MIL issues starting when we first began dating, to now, several years married.
Before meeting my now-husbands mother, VERY early on in our relationship and before we were even official, his mother requested to follow me on all my social media accounts. I had not met her at the time and found it way too soon & creepy. Even at this point I got the initial feeling she was the type who forces levels of intimacy that she has not made the effort to genuinely attain.
-In the beginning I did make a concerted effort w/ his family. I quickly learned his Mother asks v. intrusive questions. It’s clear her questions aren’t genuine, but for the sole purpose of having ‘intel’. As if it’s ’information gathering’ for her benefit.
-The 2nd time meeting his mother she immediately asked me what year my parents got married. I told her I wasn’t sure & she began asking me if I knew what decade.. followed by questions re: my mom’s birthdate. Then she told me what she really wanted to know was my mom’s age (always an ulterior motive..). She was beyond giddy to discover she was younger than my mom. I told her my mom was slightly older than some of my peers mothers bc she had a daughter (my sister) before I was born who passed away and she had trouble conceiving afterwards. His mom didn’t react or respond to this as she was still so giddy to over the fact she was younger than my mom. Red flag..
-When my husband and I were first dating, he lived in a house w/ several guy friends. He was 26. Whenever we’d visit his family his mom would beg him to move back home so he could save money. I found this odd behavior for a mother wanting their son to grow & flourish as an adult.
-After a year & a half dating we decide to move in together. My future MIL pulls me to the side for a 1 on 1 conversation & tells me, “if things don’t work out, don't worry, there’s always a way to break a lease & get out of living together if things aren’t going well” (..why would things not go well…?). She continues on, quizzing me ab my prior relationships and how they ended. Before reverting back to the topic of me and her so moving in together, basically telling me she doesn’t approve.. conversation leaves me feeling unaccepted, awkward and gross. I immediately told my partner how uncomfortable this made me. He was upset and went to have a talk with her. In their conversation- she gaslights him, telling him she feels like she’s walking on eggshells w/ us & she did nothing wrong, we are so sensitive, how she doesn’t do anything right, etc.
-She begins incessantly planning get togethers with us, telling us she never gets to see us (when we visit 1-2x/month). We don’t even live in the same city. Not to mention we’re busy in our 20’s w/ friends & establishing our own lives. Every time she sees us she leads w/, ‘oh I’ve missed you sooo much. when did I see you last? Why has it been so long? I’m soooo happy to see you. (On & on, guilt trip behavior).
-Our first Christmas dating we spent w/ his family, the 2nd year w/ my family. When we told her we planned to spend the 2nd Christmas w/ my family, his mother had a huge outburst which I’d describe as frantic/triggered/unhinged. My husband and I were upset by her reaction and left shortly after. The following day I txted her we were upset she reacted to our plan that way, we spent the prior Christmas w/ them & it was our decision.. and that moving forward we’d be splitting holidays. She played it off, said: “I wasn’t upset at all if you thought that I really wasn’t! I don’t think I came off like that, sorry if you felt that way” then proceeded to change the subject. Once again gaslighting (this being the last time I confront her on my own. My husband handles from here on out).
-She begins asking where I buy all my clothes. Nonstop questions ab my material possessions. Then starts going out and buying the same items for herself.
-She starts constantly telling my husband on the phone how she never sees him, leaving him feeling guilty (he’s improved a lot on the guilt-front, since our early dating era). When we see his parents 1-2 times a month.. and live 2 hrs away.
-Around this time, If I stated an opinion ab something (as in I would bring a topic up on my own) she’d debate everything I’d say as if I wasn’t allowed to have my own opinion.
-Pulls me to the side of a party 1 on 1 & tells me in private ‘you’re so lucky to have my son, I just want you to know that you’re really lucky.. I hope you know it’ she wasn’t being nice when she said it.
-Around this time she tells us how my partners sister is so sad he has a gf (me), yet she doesn’t have a boyfriend. Triangulating her 2 children, w/ the goal of wanting her son to feel guilt for being happy and in a successful relationship.
-Husbands mom starts getting jealous when we go on family beach trips w/ my family. We go for a week every year. She makes disapproving comments to us/ is generally unhappy her son is enjoying vacations.
-She starts making comments to my partner ab how I’m so closed off and won’t open up to her (making me look bad while playing the victim) and crying to him about never seeing him and how he doesn’t make enough effort..
-Begins incessantly micromanaging my husband: texts him reminding him of this and that, tells him my (as in me…) birthday is X days away, to make sure to get me something, to get his sister something, reminding him he should ‘make plans with his dad soon or go see his dad soon’ or ‘have you called your sister recently? You need to call her it’s your job as a brother’
-Begins generally undermining how we live our lives, generally casting judgement on any and every decision we make.
-Around this time his sister who is only 2 years younger begins acting bratty- we give her furniture, tvs, clothing large items she says she wants and she is super ungrateful, complains about the items we give her, tells us they’re too heavy for her & that we need to carry it for her and put it In her house for her. Only calls or texts us when she needs something, wants advice, or wants to complain to us. Never any other times. It’s always all ab her.
-His sister then keeps our dog for us when we are out of town for a few days (which we were shocked her said yes). We stocked the fridge w/ 7 or so bottles of wine for her and made our home lovely/ special for her stay. Her new boyfriend even comes to stay with her (they both have roommates so this is a chance for the 2 of them to be alone). After our trip we were over the top grateful thanking her many times. She then pitches a fit to my now husband telling him we bought her cheap Trader Joe’s wine and that she can’t believe we didn’t bring her back a tshirt from our trip, complaining on and on yelling at him.
-My partner and I get engaged and his mom/sister begin trying to force get togethers, my husband sister starts asking me to go to workout classes with her, painting classes, massages, etc.. which is v. out of character for her. It continues & becomes apparent this is happening only bc I’m now engaged to her brother. It feels disgenuine as she never made these efforts in the 5 years before we were engaged…
-My bridesmaids are my closest, nearest dearest friends who I’ve known for 10+ years. My husband’s sister cried when she found out she wasn’t a bridesmaid and started calling my husband weekly crying / begging him to be a bridesmaid. Then my MIL starts calling, telling him how disappointed she is. He tells his mother, I’m not sure why she’d expect to be a bridesmaid, she’s never made an effort, they aren’t close, she gets to select her closest friends to stand by her side. This has nothing to do with not liking or leaving anyone out on purpose. His mom cries, repeats how deeply disappointed she is, how wrong this is, etc. My husband tells his mother he plans to ask his dad to be his best man. Disclaimer: neither of my brothers were by husbands groomsmen, they couldn’t have cared less…
-My husband asks his father to be his best man. His father declines and says ‘no, not unless your sister can be a bridesmaid’………………….
-My MIL creates her own wedding hotel block for her friends and family, sending out a mass email to them. This is outside of the 4 hotel blocks we already have on our wedding website.
-I start hearing my MIL is saying to friends/family, ‘As long as my son is happy that’s all I care about, I just really hope that he is. All I can do is hope’ and telling people how devastated she is that her daughter isn’t a bridesmaid and how messed up and wrong it is and how weddings are a family celebration for the family. No one ever confronts me once about the bridesmaid situation.
-My husband ends up telling his mother to never mention the bridesmaid topic again, how he won’t tolerate it and is done hearing about it.
-We ask my SIL to give a reading at our wedding. Her response: ‘if I have to’. She is a pill our entire wedding, in almost every photo she is scowling.
-When we receive our wedding photos & upload online, my SIL/MIL text and ask me where all the photos of them are (there were plenty…). I told them I uploaded every photo our photographer sent. They told me this wasn’t true, were extremely disrespectful to me, basically told me I was lying when I wasn’t. I uploaded every single one. I even reached out to my photographer to ask if she’s deleted any of the photos before sending…
-My husband & I got into a disagreement with my SIL where we had a huge argument resulting in a 6 month period of no contact. This arises after we confronted her, calmly & maturely about an issue we had to which she cussed us out and called me every terrible curse word you can imagine. My husband was livid- told her she would not talk to/ab me that way & how childish she was behaving, how we should be able to confront her when we are upset about something she’s done, etc. After several months of no contact w/ my SIL, my MIL begins calling my husband saying: you ‘will/must’ resolve things w/ your sister. He says no & it’s not her business. My husbands father then calls him, clearly deployed by MIL (as he’s very chill/no-drama). The situation becomes even more stressful due to my MIL pressuring my husband re: a topic that doesn’t involve her. I too become stressed, seeing my in laws trying to control him. My in laws then have my SIL’s bf text my Husband saying, ‘I really hate seeing this for the family I want everyone to be ok’ (although once has my SIL attempted to reach out & apologize for calling me a bit** cu**, etc). When his attempt doesn’t work on my husband, my MIL then sends my husband & me a joint text message ab How she wouldn’t be intervening if her daughter could handle this on her own & how we need to fix it. My husband responds & tells his mom off, essentially saying: This isn’t your business. My wife is owed an apology, you guys also have never apologized for how horribly you treated us during our wedding.. the happiest time of our lives, a day we get to have exactly how WE want. My sister can handle her own problems she’s an adult, shes never going to learn bc you meddle in every problem she has bc you want things your way. Then when you don’t get what you want, you get everyone to do your dirty work for you in hopes you can bulldoze & get your way. You make everything ab you, what you want, when & how you want it. Those days are over (this is a summary of his response).
(hmm wonder why my SIL doesn’t know how to handle adversity, bc you handle everything for her even though she is an adult)
-SIL reaches out to my husband and says she wants to talk. He says no, you treated my wife poorly. You will reach out and apologize to her, not me. You won’t disrespect my wife. And she does do this although it takes her a week or so. And it did seem genuine.
-I think this all stems from drama my MIL creates, and when things don’t go her way she pulls others in to manipulate them & do her dirty work for her.
-husband and I lived 2 hours from his parents. We end up moving 10 hours away to create distance from his family. They disapprove and generally disapprove of any and every decision we make, as they don’t act with love and support our decisions as loving parents would.
-In laws announce they are starting an annual family vacation…to the private beach MY family has vacationed at since I was born (it’s not a mainstream location…it’s rather obscure). My in laws have never even been there before. I tell my husband I absolutely refuse to go & will not enable the intrusive/copying behavior.
-My husband & I take a trip just 2 of us. We stay in an airbnb. 3 months later his parents tell us they planned a trip to the same location for the 2 of them & they’d also found & booked the exact same airbnb we stayed at so they could experience the same exact trip my husband & I went on….
-Additional overstepping, intrusive, creepy behavior like above persists. They start buying many of the same exact material items, or furniture we own (obscure antiques, designer items, etc….), essentially copying everything we do. We want our own unique & individual things that make us, US. & it seems as if demand to show us they won’t allow us to have that for ourselves under and circumstance. Almost as if they aren’t entitled full access to our lives, so they will bulldoze and access our lives in their own ways to make them feel in control. This is my take.
-There’s no major animosity now but we have majorly pulled away from them. My husband calls his parents once a month or so. We now see them 3-4 times a year.
-Things will be nice & relaxing for a month or 2 then out of the blue my MIL will blow up out of nowhere calling my husband 8x in a row telling him he will speak to his mother he will do this and that. Often he simply ignores her or waits several days to respond. She likes to tell him ‘you need to call your father and speak with him’ ‘hey it’s dads birthday make sure do this and that’ (obviously we know when their birthdays are… we are pretty on top of things, still she cannot stand not being in control).
-MIL just flipped out on my husband for not calling her on Mother’s Day, though we send a gift, card, and send multiple texts first thing in the morning. My husband received multiple messages from his dad : why have you not called your mother??? Did you forget? Call your mother now. We’re skeptical the texts were actually from his dad..
-Although we’ve distanced ourselves, the every 2 mnth outbursts are exhausting. I am now 6 weeks pregnant. So excited! BUT Dreading telling them as I envision MIL & SIL making it all about them, freaking out ab how we aren’t involving them enough.. I imagine my MIL starting to disgeuninely call/text me constantly, demand to be involved at the level she expects & believes she deserves, will probably buy high chairs, cribs, etc for her own home.. and make it about her In any way possible.
Any advice on how to deal with a woman like this? I feel like I have to constantly prepare for her actions, outbursts, or things she might say. She’s draining, the pressure she puts on my husband is absurd, her expectations are outrageous, she’s judgmental and controlling, everything is about her, and she is emotionally immature in every way. I feel protective over my husband and our marriage and can’t stand them constant trying to order him around with their high expectations and demands. Help!

I just want to rant about my family here, specifically my father, and also ask tips on how I should handle this because clearly, it's affecting me SO SO MUCH in my mental health. I feel like it's equivalent to k/ll/ng myself already.
He is just the worst of the worst, I swear. He's been abusive towards us, ESPECIALLY ME. It's not that he has a favorite one to be abusive to, but it felt like it's a battle between me and him everyday. He has done a lot of things ENOUGH to make me hate him to death. Let me give you two of the traumatizing experiences he did to me that I won't ever forget.
1) This happened during the pandemic. One time, he got mad at me for being on the computer all the time (take note, it's because I needed to do all my assignments and schoolworks, etc.) so he asked me to help him in the kitchen. So of course, while helping him, he never stopped blabbering about me not being a good daughter, about how I'm always on the computer, and even everything that has been in the past already! Obviously, I am annoyed so I showed a little annoyance at him, but still doing what he told me to. (Side note: when this man gets angry, his voice is really mad and one wrong word or move, you're dead— literally) Fast forward, he's trying to pour water in our pitcher so he gets the big water container in his hand. HOWEVER, I was cutting the onions this time and OBVIOUSLY, onions make you cry! Well, guess what? He saw me cry! Now, he thought that I was crying because of how he's scolding me! (But tbh, I was glad on the other side, because I really wanted to cry at that time. So I found a good excuse if ever he saw me cry. So yes, I was crying because of the onions and also because of him) What happened is that he got really really mad that he lost control of himself and his temper that he decided to throw the big water container then shouted at me. He kept shouting and I kept explaining that I was crying because of the onions and not because of him, but as usual, he won't listen. He kept getting mad and eventually, everything happened so fast that I already saw him coming at me and I pleaded him to stop, but then he started to strangle me. He held my neck and I was a bit high in the position, but of course, I didn't hold back. I was getting tired and angry, so I did my best to fight back— which is to slap his face and try to gouge his eyes while he's holding my neck and kick my feet as hard as I could. I was also crying shouting. After a few seconds though, he stopped, and I stormed off to our bedroom and just cried there.
2) This just happened recently. Last week, to be precise. I won't go into details because this is longer than the other one. Basically, he got mad at all of us in the house because no one was attending to my sister's calls. She was calling someone to help open the water outside, but no one was able to do it. Quick background: my other siblings, mother, and I were in the bedroom; he, and two of our maids were in the living room. So obv, when my sister 1 shouted, three of them could clearly hear it, but no one helped. At first, he got mad at my other littler sister because he thought that sister 2 ignored sister 1 and immediately went inside the bedroom. But sister 2 did not actually hear sister 1 in the bathroom. So then, he targeted me next. He got mad at me, saying a bunch of stuff again, asking "what will you do if no one helped you in the bathroom?!?" so then i answered him TO WHAT I WILL ACTUALLY DO in that situation. But then, he got even more mad saying "why are you answering back?!?" even if he told me multiple times "you answer me right now!" I WAS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK????? YOU TOLD ME TO ANSWER YOU AND NOW THAT I ANSWERED YOUR QUESTION, YOU GOT MAD AT ME FOR ANSWERING YOU??? Just what in the hell is in his mind! Fast forward, he got even more mad, because of how I answered his question, to the point that he lost his temper again and punched me in my upper body. The good thing is I was able to dodge myself (thankful for my mother because she shielded me :(( ), so there was less impact. But to be honest, even up until now, it still hurts. His punch still hurts like hell. What if I wasn't able to dodge it? I might have a broken rib on the side by now... A lot more worse happened after this, but I won't tell that much.
This is just so fucking sad, and I feel like my life span is declining everyday, even if I just see him around this house. I almost kms last 2 years (or last year) because of this family. He may be a good father at times, but when he gets mad or annoyed, you need to pray for your life. I already told my mother to file a case for Violence Against Women and Children, leave him, put him to jail, etc., but she said it's hard and it can't be done that easily. I'll just have to endure this until next year, so I can go and save my siblings in the future. (I applied as an international student in Canada, so if luck comes my way, I'll be studying there and get work after, so I can get my siblings)
The bad thing is I've been enduring this for the last couple of years (ever since I was a child) and I am going crazy, I swear. All the things you didn't do in your life? Suddenly, you did it if he says so! He gets irritated if someone nags him, but he's the one who keeps yapping everything about you as if he knows everything you've done in your life. I don't know how to cope anymore, I don't know what to do anymore. I've been patient with him, but he's just too much for me to handle.
The saddest thing about this is realizing that if ever something happened to me, the first thought that will come to mind is "Oh no, he can't know about this" (thinking that I'll be even in great danger if he knew about this rather than the one I am already in). I just really feel sorry for myself sometimes. :((
This is just a few of his doings. There's still a lot more. If you guys have any tips or what, how to handle this family situation and such until I can finally get away, please help me out before I actually start unaliving myself. :(
P.S.: He keeps saying that our blood is a fighter and no one backs down, but if I fight him (talk back), he gets so mad LOOOOOOOL