Hello travelers!
So my wife and I booked a last minute cruise to Iceland and Norway through NCL this June. We're a family of four, with 3-year-old and 8-month-old boys.
Our Itinerary is as follows:
Day 1 - Reykjavik (Embarkation) Day 2 - Grundarfjordur Day 3 - Akureyri Day 4 - Sea Day Day 5 - Kristiansund (Norway) Day 6 - Trondheim (Norway) Day 7 - Alesund (Norway) Day 8 - Sea Day Day 9 - Husavik Day 10 - Isafjordur Day 11 - Reykjavik (Debarkation)
We're arriving one day before and staying one day after the cruise in Reykjavik.
I was looking for some general tips and advice as to our Itinerary. Looking at the excursions offered directly through NCL (as well as privately through other companies), I feel like what's available isn't really something the kiddos would appreciate or enjoy. Don't think it's a good idea to book many of those excursions for two main reasons:

1. Many are 3-8 hour long tours, something little kids would probably hate. While ours are generally well behaved and we've traveled extensively with them on multi day, hour long trips, that's usually in the comfort and privacy of our own cars. Also, these tours involve either clamoring onto boats for nature or wildlife watching, moderately difficult hikes, or really long drives. Stuff I think our kiddos might be over with in the first 20 minutes lol.
   
2. We want to be considerate of everyone else! There are likely many others on these tours, and don't want to subject them to our kids' potential tantrums, where they are stuck with us for hours. We understand little kids can be stressful, and we're already "intruding" on many people's vacation by simply coming along on the cruise, so we want to limit our impact on others' holiday as much as possible.
   

Some questions/advice sought are:

• As it relates to the Icelandic ports, are all these ports generally easy to walk around and explore on foot immediately following getting off the ship? We're considering maybe doing our own thing rather than booking tours, and simply walk around leisurely and poke around these ports. Is this feasible to do given our Itinerary?
  
• We are wanting to travel lightly, and are debating leaving our car seats behind. I understand Iceland's laws as they relate to child seats. Are taxis or other car transport services easy to book, and how difficult is it to request appropriate child seats? Good idea to leave the car seats at home, or bite the bullet and bring em with us?
  
• Given our Itinerary, anything special or interesting for little kids that stick out at any or these ports? Any recommendations of tours, sights, or experiences would be great!
  

I know this is a no brainer but I have holiday plans with a friend. There's this guy I've known since 2020. I used to have a thing with him. I call it an imaginary relationship/talking stage. We were never official and I get red flags (player type, all this trauma, so manny toxic exes). But overall I think he's a cool, nice funny guy. I never liked any one that much. i think because it was my imagination/fantasy that I'd like him more than guys I've known in person. He would FaceTime and audio call me almost daily. We drifted and stopped talking entirely.
I invited him to my holiday plan in Bali with my friend. So far it's a yes and a maybe. And it makes the trip even more exciting. I might meet him in another state for a few days, then he can stay with us in the condo we're staying in for a beach. He has family there so he offered a place by the beach his uncle owns but I rejected it because stranger danger. I'm excited over the idea of sharing a room with him, spending time with him in that shoer weeks time. Cuddling him. But I already have a sketchy internet dating experience.
despite knowing him for this long and having been in love with the ixea of this guy ... my gut feeling screams stranger danger. I don't actually know him. What if I get rped over and over abducted killed?!
Maybe get separate rooms? Take it slow. And if he seems like a decent person ... ask if he wanted some company? I'm tempted to sleep w him LOL. But I don't I don't know if sharing a room with him straight away if a good idea. but I don't want to make the mistake of on the first few day/date and feeling easy/prostituting myself which has happened once and I wish I hadn't gone for it. Turns out I can't control myself next to boys I like. My reasoable mjnd tells me sus him out first then on the last days ask if he wanted some company.
I don't want to put my self in danger or do something I'll regret. So be, plan B? Get separate rooms and sus him out? Otherwise if we don't get along we could kick him out to stay in his uncles condo. Jokes. I really want him to stay with us and get to knkw the real him, spend time with him. I accepted years back that the odds of this becoming a real long term relationship isn't very realistic lol
We don't even know if this plan is actually going to end up happening. The holiday as well. But I hope it does! I am excited!

Age: 17
Demographics: female, (south) asian, public high, sweden
Hooks: none..
Intended Major: physics, mathematics but if it doesn't work out then classics
UW/W GPA and Rank: school doesn't do gpa's or ranks, but i recieved highest grade qualification for senior years (we have 2 senior years)
Coursework: we don't do aps/honours/ibs or anything of the like, but i take 5 subjects, 2 scholarship subjects, + received online certificates in various physics and maths courses (not sure if this counts??)

• maths, statistics, english (advanced), geography, biology, chemistry, physics, history
• highest grade (basically a+) on all assignments for my all subjects including certificates received

Awards: none..
Extracurriculars:

1. co-created, and leader of project at school that works to create conversational/informal english learning plans for ESL/migrant students, reached about 80 migrant students in school within a month
2. member of student leadership council, developing and overseeing all programs in school such as cultural share days, fundraisers, ramadan nights and a lot more. also worked to develop school spirit week, implementing various fun activities for students
3. volunteer tutomentor for junior students in maths, english and science, helping 20 or more students weekly
4. co-president of the literature society, creating first school magazine, hosting writing competitions, holding open mics and organising trips to literature festivals
5. received bronze medal for volunteering for various things (making food for the homeless, pest control, tree planting etc.)
6. volunteer at charity store that raises money for animal welfare, volunteering 11 hours weekly, serving up to 100 customers per day
7. member of volunteering club at school, hosting and aiding the development of activities for children at local library (weekly), and implementing english language activities and lessons for migrant students at local elementary
8. published blog, i write my own blog on physics (astronomy) and literature
9. gymnastics for 4 years, performed at some small competitions
10. piano for 4 years, nothing major but performed at family events like birthdays, anniversaries etc.

Essays/LORs/Other: i've got good essays, standing at 8-9/10 currently, i'm getting feedback from teacher at school who graduated columbia

• form teacher: 7/10, my physics teacher and we had good convos about this
• english (columbia) teacher: 9/10, i help her out a lot with activities
• charity shop manager: 9/10, i'm her first student volunteer and we regularly converse

Schools (in no specific order):

1. vassar
2. bowdoin
3. bates
4. williams
5. bard
6. middlebury
7. boston college
8. wesleyan
9. (not liberal arts) university of vermont

thank you, sorry for the messiness

The board interaction is way too unrealistic.
TLDR context: managing ALGA Bishkek in Kyrgyzstan, year is 2032.

• Managed to win the last 8 leagues, 7 domestic cups and 5 supercups.
• Managed to take Kyrgyzstan into the AFC Champions' League and took the team to the 1/16 twice and 1/8 once.
• Increased the teams wealth in the ratio of 700%/800% (thanks to second clause reselling to PSG of a certain amazing Nigerian kid)
• Have become Legend of the club after 8 seasons.

The board suggests a meeting to discuss possible connection with senior teams. I loved the idea, this is going to increase reputation and income (the two most difficult aspects in such a league). I accept and after 7 days they come back stating they couldn't find anyone. I am very tickled and proceed with an experiment: Iproceed to ask for a senior team, go through all the no-no's and eventually threaten quitting.
They let me go faster than Thanos did with Gamora, not even a tear.
This is just not realistic. Anyone's opinions?

Hi there. I’ve got a query for the locals or experts.
Me (f41), my partner (m52) and his two younger-teen kids are doing a road trip through the end of December 2024 and January 2025.
Currently our itinerary has landed us in Vegas for the 1st of January - so (obviously) the day after NYE.
I guess my question is: is this a bad idea?
I’ve never been to Vegas on a regular day and have no idea how hectic the post-NYE clean up or comedown is. While partner and I are chill with benevolent drunk/high people having a good time, I’m wondering if it’s not cool for kids or if the whole strip is just a bit gross post-party?
Advice would be wildly appreciated.

I got home from my first year of university on the 18th and took shrooms with my friend at a nature preserve a few days after(22nd). We were being pretty irresponsible trying to use a small scale in a car so I honestly don't know for sure how much we took but I think I probably had around 4 grams of penis envy(i found out after that this variant is stronger than usual) all things considered. We messed around and found out. We were not prepared for that. I don't want to call it a "bad" trip, but at the moment, I felt like I was going to be stuck forever in a loop and I think I forgot I was tripping and lost sense of reality a few times? It was crazy.
Now, afterward, me and my friend are changed. I'm not sure what he's up to now, but I know he decided to shy away from the rabbit hole of drugs he was going into after this trip. I am a porn addict(or maybe was?), and for a few days after this trip I didn't succumb to anything. But then I gave in. I allowed myself to become unproductive again, wrapped around in lust.
I guess I am always trying to drown out the now, either with music, porn, games, anything that gives me dopamine, because being present and still would force me to look within and peel back layers of myself I'm too afraid to upfront or deal with. Of course, at the time, there's no way I would ever say this and put these words together.
I smoked weed on the 30th, which was the first time since the trip. Something happened. I don't know what, but something happened. I was genuinely looking within myself. I have been trying to find out what the "power" in now really is, and I think this got me closer to it. I don't know what happened, but now
I don't think the same. I am finally figuring out what it means not to do anything I don't want to do. I am constantly pointing out my ego. I finally have a sense of what "ego" even means. I don't feel the same inclination to watch porn because I do not want to. I can recognize patterns leading up to a buildup in lust and I can finally question what it is I even want out of porn. I can observe. I get into thought and recognize my ego. I feel more. I'm actually LISTENING to music now and not just melodies because my brain couldn't keep up with anything else. I crave honesty, especially with myself. It's like I rid myself of the idea of becoming someone other than myself. I am witness to my notions of like and dislike and recognize it as ego and try to rather, just observe and feel. I go on Instagram and I have an entirely new perspective. I recognize that it literally is all just ego and the desire for connection. I am able to sit with myself now, in silence. I even recognized that I wasn't actually hungry. I just be and feel myself and I feel full, almost too full, like my body/stomach is full of unhelpful content. I am observing and questioning everything. I
I am unsure what is happening or what to do from now on. I'm only about 40 pages deep into the power of now after starting maybe a month ago but the teachings are on my mind a lot. I'm a genZ student who allowed social media and the internet to completely cook and fry my brain, so that doesn't help but I am trying and eliminating a lot of it from myself and my headspace. I struggle with whether to chase after the introspective thought and find new connections, or be still and silent in my mind and be present. My life up until now has been very unfulfilling and I fully just wanted to end my life for a while(this school year has not treated me well, but I also did not treat my time there with any real intent or presence). I have no hobbies, no real interests that I wasn't going after to make myself *seem a certain way. Not even some of my music taste is mine, it's just to make myself seem like someone who listens to a type of music.
It's like my brain is telling me now just to be and be nobody other than yourself. I truthfully don't know myself or what I want, but I feel that this is the start of something, and I am making this post in pursuit of some guidance. I don't know if I'm going insane or what, but as I make this unorganized post of jumbled thoughts, I am trying my best to be honest.

Myself(m32) and my girlfriend(f31) have been together for 4 months, still early I know. Back story we work in the same job but in different areas of the country and over the past few years have had many close encounters but nothing ever happened even though we have both admitted since that we both liked eachother for a very long time.
So eventually we did connect and we went on our first date and it was amazing, it was only a walk around a park but after that first date I just knew this girl was the one! It was something I couldnt explain. From that day we couldnt get enough of eachother, we were speaking all the time and seeing eachother whenever we could. Life was amazing, we were only together for 2 months before we both confessed that we loved eachother.
Ive had several really bad relationships in the past and been screwed over so many times in my life that I had these defensive walls up but she got those walls down and I let her in quicker than I ever thought I would have. She told me all the things I needed to hear and it really just made me love her even more, for the first time she made me feel like I was good enough.
My girlfriend also has a young son who is 6 years old and whenever she first asked me how I would feel about meeting him I told her Im more than happy to meet him but it has to be when shes ready and she is comfortable with that happening. So a few weeks later she decided it was time, we went a day out to a kids inflatable park place and I got on great with him right from the start. I feel like her son really took to me well and we could clearly tell that! She said she had only ever introduced him to 2 other guys she dated and he never really had an interest in them nor did they with him. Whereas I make an effort to bond with him, I build his lego with him, draw with him, play in the garden with him.. hes asked a few times that I read him his bed time story, if we watch a movie he wants to sit next to me on the couch.. and probably the biggest thing on 2 seperate occassions he introduced me to one of his friends as his step dad(we have never mentioned anything like this so its entirely came from himself) which we both found funny and my girlfriend even said well clearly he does like me. Ive grown really fond of him and hes an added bonus to my life, I feel like im in a lucky position that I get an amazing girlfriend and along with that comes an amazing new wee pal.
Now in regards to her son, I asked her if she had told his dad about me yet because I think its respectful to do so.. if it was me Id like to know if there was a new man around my child. She said she hadnt yet but she was going to soon. I was happy at that. With things going as well as they were, we started talking and planning alot of future stuff together. So we have a city break booked at the end of June, a load of tickets for shows etc that are all for both of us and her son, we have a log cabin stay booked for just the 2 of us and later in the year we decided to fully commit to an actual week holiday away and again we are taking her son with us. Booking this holiday made me ask the question again if she had told his dad about me yet because now its not just a new guy around the house, hes literally coming away on holiday with us.. well she still hadnt told him because he was being civil and communicating well with her and she knew when she told him he would change.
This leads us pretty much to where we are now.. the big turn in all of this. Out of the blue from absolutely nowhere she tells me she thinks this has all moved too fast and alot of it seems to be revolving around her saying she shouldnt have let me meet her son as soon as she did and that it was a poor parenting decision on her part. Now I’ll agree it moved fast but it wasnt forced it just happened! And part of me thinks that actually speaks volumes about the connection we have, she speaks to me all the time about us getting married and having kids of our own and this life we want together.
And now nothing! She says she needs space from me, she barely replies to my texts but when I asked her she said she still wants to be with me but it feels like shes just saying that. This girl has went from making me feel things ive not felt in a very long time and feeling things ive never felt before to practically overnight being completely different.
Im thinking its involving her sons dad, I think he has maybe heard perhaps from her son.. hes maybe mentioned the holiday and hes asked whos going and hes said his mum and me.. and thats how hes found out! God forbid if hes asked who I am and the son has said im his step dad because I know I wouldnt be happy if that happened to me! Maybe the dad has kicked off at her and told her shes a terrible parent like he had in the past and shes thought maybe she has done the wrong thing.. who knows.
All I know is right now im stuck in this limbo not knowing whats happening.. we have all these trips planned booked and paid for and Ive no idea if we are going or not! My head is all over the place and I can seem to get a straight answer from her but I also dont want to push her.
Apologies for the long post Ive probably missed out loads of other small details. I really just needed to rant but any outsiders views on this would be appreciated!

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Looking to enhance your 1911 revolver's performance and accuracy? Look no further than our roundup of the top compensators available on the market. In this article, we'll introduce you to the best-rated compensators for the classic 1911, providing you with the information you need to make an informed decision.

The Top 13 Best 1911 Compensator

1. Comfortable 1911 Inside-the-Waistband Holster for Optimal Concealed Carry - Experience unparalleled comfort and superior concealment with the C&G Holsters Covert IWB 1911 holster, expertly designed by Veterans and Law Enforcement in America.
2. Precision Competitive Holster for 1911 4.25'' - Kydex, Aluminum, Adjustable - The Pro Ball Joint Competition Holster transforms your 1911 4.25'' into a precision and performance-driven shooting tool, with adjustable ride height, aluminum ball joint, Kydex shell, and optic compatibility for an unmatched competitive edge.
3. Speed Master 2.0 Leather Chest Holster for 1911 Pistols - The Speed Master 2.0 is a versatile leather chest holster for 1911 pistols and DA revolvers, featuring an open top design, adjustable tension unit, and convenient paddle or belt slot attachments for a custom carry experience.
4. Premium Western 1911 Inside-the-Waistband Holster - Experience ultimate comfort, versatility, and durability with the Galco Royal Guard 1911 Inside-the-Waistband Holster, designed for real-world concealment and perfect for semiautomatic guns and double-action revolvers.
5. Durable Tactical 1911 Compensator for Enhanced Performance - The BCMGunfighter Compensator Mod 7 - 5.56 is engineered for tactical purposes, providing effective muzzle rise reduction, flash suppression, noise dampening, and side pressure control, making it a top choice for serious shooters.
6. Hybrid Titanium Compensator for 1911 Pistol - Enhance your 1911 handgun's performance with the EGW Hybrid Titanium Compensator, perfect for Steel Challenge and Bianchi Cup competitions, featuring reduced loads and seamless integration into international orders.
7. Premium 1911 Inside Waistband Holster - The Vedder Holsters 1911 w/out Rail 4.25" RapidTuck holster, designed for Colt Commander frames, offers a comfortable IWB carry with premium leather and molded Kydex, perfect for various carry positions and proudly made in the USA.
8. Speed Master 2.0 5in 1911 Concealed Holster with Paddle and Belt Options - The Galco SM2212RB Speed Master 2.0 holster offers versatility and customization with its adjustable belt slot and paddle attachment methods, providing a perfect carry solution for 1911 Compensator users.
9. Universal Single Mag Holder for 1911 Compensators - Experience unbeatable durability and custom-fit retention with the C&G Universal Single Mag Holder, expertly crafted by veteran & law enforcement professionals for optimal 1911 compatibility.
10. Stainless Steel 1911 Gun Compensator - Experience minimal side blast and noise with Bravo's BCMGunfighter Compensator Mod 0, a stainless steel 7.62mm AR10 accessory that ensures maximum recoil mitigation, muzzle-rise compensation, and flash reduction.
11. Premium Independence Leather 1911 Holster with Reinforced Belt Loop - The Independence leather holster is a premium 1911 5" Government with Rail Only OWB holster, offering maximum protection, comfort, and ease of use for your firearm.
12. Galco TacSlide Belt Holster for 1911 Compensator: Fast, Concealable, Economical - Experience seamless concealment and swift draws with the Galco Tac Slide Belt Holster for your Colt Kimber Para 1911 5" - the perfect blend of steerhide and Kydex for unbeatable durability and comfort.
13. CNC 7-Port 5-Chamber Comp Cone for 1911 Handguns - The EGW 11830 CNC 7-Port 5-Chamber Comp Cone is a high-quality compensator made from heat-treated stress-proof Carbon Steel, perfect for use with standard-length barrels and custom hybrid or bull barrels with the proper threading.

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Reviews

🔗Comfortable 1911 Inside-the-Waistband Holster for Optimal Concealed Carry

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Over the past few months, I've had the opportunity to try out C&G's Inside the Waistband Covert holster for my 1911. The first thing that struck me was how well-designed and comfortable it was. As someone who carries most of the day, the last thing I want is my holster to be uncomfortable or distracting.
One of the standout features was the solid locking retention. It gave me peace of mind, knowing my firearm was secure when I was on the move. The holster was also designed to fit most RMRed Dots on the market, which was a nice touch.
However, there were a couple of cons I noticed. First, the open bottom allowed for threaded barrels and compensators, but it could be a bit challenging to get a perfect fit for my specific firearm. Secondly, the 1.5-inch belt clip could be a bit snug for my thicker belt.
Overall, my experience with C&G's Covert holster has been mostly positive. The holster offers a comfortable and secure fit, and the craftsmanship is top-notch. While there were a few minor drawbacks, the pros definitely outweigh the cons.

🔗Precision Competitive Holster for 1911 4.25'' - Kydex, Aluminum, Adjustable

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As a shooting enthusiast, I recently came across the 1911 4.25'' No Rail Pro Ball Joint Competition Holster, and I must say, it has greatly enhanced my experience. Its adjustable ride height, which allows me to fine-tune my grip, is a game-changer.
The aluminum ball joint provides a smooth, sturdy connection that ensures a reliable hold, while the Kydex shell offers a perfect fit. Plus, the optic compatibility adds a touch of convenience. However, I also noticed that the holster can be quite heavy, which might affect my mobility during competitions.
Overall, this holster has proven to be a valuable investment for any serious shooter.

🔗Speed Master 2.0 Leather Chest Holster for 1911 Pistols

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I had the pleasure of trying out the Galco SM2212R Speed Master 2.0 1911 5in Tan, and I must say, it's a fantastic choice for gun enthusiasts. This versatile holster offers a sleek design and comes in both paddle and belt slot configurations, ensuring you can choose the carry method that suits your needs best.
One of the standout features of this holster is the high-quality premium steerhide construction. The build feels sturdy and reliable, giving me confidence in its performance. The adjustable tension unit is a convenient feature that allowed me to customize the holster's grip, ensuring my firearm stayed securely in place.
However, there were a couple of downsides I encountered during my experience. The slight butt-forward or neutral cant can vary depending on the firearm, which might not be ideal for everyone. Additionally, the holster might not fit as snugly as desired on larger pistol barrels.
Despite these minor drawbacks, the Galco SM2212R Speed Master 2.0 is an impressive and versatile holster that provides excellent concealment and security. If you're in the market for a high-quality and customizable 1911 holster, this might just be the right fit for you.

🔗Premium Western 1911 Inside-the-Waistband Holster

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I recently had the chance to try the Galco Royal Guard 1911 Inside-the-Waistband Holster Black - a sleek and versatile option for gun owners. This holster boasts an innovative design that keeps your weapon secure while still ensuring that you have easy access to it when you need it most. I particularly appreciated the rough side of the leather facing out, providing great stability and protection for your gun.
Wearing the Galco Royal Guard was a comfortable experience, allowing for real-world concealment even of larger defensive guns. The smooth leather pocket was reinforced for sturdiness, and it granted unrestricted movement and easy reholstering. In my opinion, the combat grip accessibility rounded out this holster's utility to make it an invaluable choice for those seeking speed and agility.
A few aspects of the Galco Royal Guard could use some improvement, but overall, I was impressed with the product. Its premium natural color horsehide constructed to fit 1-3/4" belts was a definite plus. And for those with 1-1/4" belts, there's an optional belt channel to consider. While there is still room for improvement, the Royal Guard holds promise as a reliable choice for any gun enthusiast.

🔗Durable Tactical 1911 Compensator for Enhanced Performance

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I recently added the BCMGUNFIGHTER Compensator Mod 7 - 5.56 to my trusty 1911 setup, and let me tell you, it's been a game-changer for my tactical operations. This ain't no lightweight accessory, it's a solid piece of machinery that reduces muzzle rise and flash to a minimum, making my targets all the more accurate.
It's also helped keep things nice and quiet during reconnaissance missions, and the lateral force it counteracts has been a lifesaver when I gotta take quick shots on the go. Sure, it might be a bit of a heavy-hitter compared to some other comps out there, but the benefits I've experienced have made it a more than worthy addition to my arsenal. So, if you're looking for a versatile compensator for your tactical ops, this bad boy deserves a serious look.

🔗Hybrid Titanium Compensator for 1911 Pistol

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The EGW Hybrid Titanium Compensator 575 x 40 is a sleek and sturdy addition to any 1911 firearm. I've been using it in my daily training sessions, and it's performed exceptionally well. The titanium construction not only adds durability but also keeps the weight down, making it a perfect choice for those who value portability.
One highlight of this compensator is its ability to reduce recoil significantly, which is especially useful for those newer to the sport or for those looking for a smoother shooting experience. This feature, combined with its robust design, has proven to improve the overall performance of my handgun.
However, there were a couple of drawbacks to this product. Firstly, the international shipping restrictions can be a hassle for those living outside the US. And secondly, the lack of an extensive review history makes it challenging to gauge the overall user satisfaction with this product.
Overall, the EGW Hybrid Titanium Compensator 575 x 40 is a high-quality accessory for 1911 firearms with a unique titanium construction that reduces recoil. While there are a few drawbacks to consider, the pros outweigh the cons, making it a worthy addition to many shooters' kits.

🔗Premium 1911 Inside Waistband Holster

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I recently had the chance to try out the Vedder Holsters 1911 w/out rail 4.25" (Colt Commander frameNOT SIG) RapidTuck, an inside the waistband (IWB) hybrid holster that's handcrafted with premium leather and molded Kydex. The moment I started using it, I was struck by the attention to detail and the perfect fit for my 1911 w/without rail 4.25" Colt Commander frame.
One of the key features that stood out to me was the comfort of the holster. The leather is soft and well-finished, making it comfortable even for extended periods of wear. Whether you carry in the 3 o'clock position, appendix carry, or cross draw, the RapidTuck offers various carry options that are both comfortable and secure.
Another great aspect of the holster is the custom Kydex shell, which is molded to fit your firearm perfectly. This ensures proper clearance with all front sights and loaded chamber indicators, providing peace of mind even in the harshest conditions. The included Rock Solid Spring Steel Clip is a nice touch, offering two belt accommodations and a tuckable design for deep concealment.
While I enjoyed using this holster, there were a couple of minor drawbacks that I noticed. Firstly, the adjustable ride height feature is a bit more challenging to use than some other holsters on the market. Secondly, the limited color options might not appeal to everyone looking for a personalized touch. Despite these small drawbacks, the overall quality and performance of the 1911 w/out rail 4.25" (Colt Commander frameNOT SIG) RapidTuck make it a solid choice for anyone in the market for an IWB hybrid holster.

🔗Speed Master 2.0 5in 1911 Concealed Holster with Paddle and Belt Options

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I recently gave the Galco SM2212RB Speed Master 2.0 a try for my 1911 pistol. It impressed me with its ability to quickly switch between a paddle and belt holster, which is perfect for my lifestyle. The open-top design allows me to draw my pistol faster, while the covered trigger ensures added safety.
The steerhide material feels premium and holds a good grip on the pistol. However, I noticed that the holster might be a bit snug for larger belts, but overall, the Speed Master 2.0 is a versatile and dependable choice for concealed carry.

🔗Universal Single Mag Holder for 1911 Compensators

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Imagine this: after a long day at the range or simply enjoying your time at home, you're done with holstering and retrieving your magazines. You reach for your trusty mag holder - a solid, reliable, and convenient accessory that's been your reliable companion for months. But suddenly, it's gone. You need a new one. Fast. Enter C&G's Universal single mag holder.
This is the kind of mag holder that makes you say, "I never knew I needed this until now! " It's a game-changer, designed to hold your magazines in place, making your life easier and hassle-free. The C&G's Universal single mag holder is made with high-quality materials, ensuring it lasts long, stays sturdy, and remains a reliable tool in your arsenal.
The Universal aspect of this product is a testament to its versatility, as it fits almost all pistols or mags. And let's talk about the fit - it's made for a purpose and designed to ensure that your magazines stay where they should. No more fumbling or worrying about your magazines falling out when you need them most.
But what about the looks? Well, let's just say it's not an eyesore. It manages to blend form and function, seamlessly becoming a part of your daily arsenal. The fact that it's made in America by the best professionals in the field is a cherry on top.
However, like any other product, it does have a small downside. The clip might take some getting used to, as it's a little bigger and wider than what most users would prefer. But it's a small cost to pay for a product that performs so magnificently.
In conclusion, the C&G's Universal single mag holder is a top-notch product that delivers on its promises. It's a reliable and efficient accessory that makes holstering and retrieving your magazines a breeze. It might have a minor issue with the clip size, but overall, it's a must-have for anyone who wants to ensure their magazines stay secure and easily accessible.

🔗Stainless Steel 1911 Gun Compensator

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I recently had the chance to try out the BCM Gunfighter Comp Mod1 762 5/8x24 in a few shooting sessions, and let me tell you, it was quite an experience. One of the most impressive features of this compensator is its stainless steel construction. Don't get me wrong, I'm no gunsmith, but I could tell that the quality was top-notch. It just felt solid and well-built in my hands.
During my time with the Gunfighter, I noticed that it really reduced the muzzle rise and the noise associated with typical comps. It was like shooting a silenced revolver, which made it a joy to use, especially during team CQB drills. The inclusion of a crush washer was another plus, as it made the installation process a breeze.
However, there were a couple of things that I wasn't completely thrilled about. First, it was a bit heavier than some other compensators I've used, which made it a bit unwieldy in certain situations. But overall, the benefits outweighed the drawbacks, and I found myself reaching for it on my next few range trips.
So, in conclusion, if you're looking for a well-built, noisy, and muzzle rise-reducing compensator, the BCM Gunfighter Comp Mod1 762 5/8x24 is definitely worth checking out.

🔗Premium Independence Leather 1911 Holster with Reinforced Belt Loop

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The Independence holster is a beautifully crafted leather masterpiece, with a proprietary design and attention to detail that sets it apart in the crowded gun holster market. The 8 oz premium leather feels soft and durable against your firearm, providing a sense of comfort and assurance as you carry your 1911 5" Government.
What I love most about this OWB holster is the reinforced belt loop design, which allows for effortless on and off placement. No more fumbling with clips or loops; this holster's custom tailoring ensures perfect fit, maximized retention, and minimal printing for a comfortable carry experience.
One area where it could use improvement is the compatibility with different firearm sights, particularly those with sharp edges that can catch on the leather when drawing. But overall, the Independence holster is a top-notch leather choice for your favorite 1911.

🔗Galco TacSlide Belt Holster for 1911 Compensator: Fast, Concealable, Economical

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As a gun enthusiast, I recently had the chance to try out the Galco Tac Slide Belt Holster for my Colt Kimber Para 1911 5" Black RH TS212B. First and foremost, the design of this holster is quite impressive, with its combination of steerhide and Kydex materials, which provides both durability and comfort in one package. The adjustable belt slots make it easy to wear and also allow for excellent concealment, even with larger frames.
One of the standout features of this holster is the open top and neutral cant, which make the draw incredibly smooth and efficient, even when wearing heavier pants or jackets. This is a crucial aspect for those who need to access their weapon quickly and discreetly.
However, the Tac Slide does have its drawbacks. For one, the holster itself is quite bulky, which can be a disadvantage for those who prefer a more minimalistic design. Additionally, while the steerhide back plate is comfortable, it can be a bit fussy when trying to reholster the firearm, particularly if the holster is not set up properly.
Overall, despite these minor drawbacks, I found the Galco Tac Slide Belt Holster to be a reliable and functional option for concealing and carrying my Colt Kimber Para 1911. It's a versatile option that works well with both semi-autos and double-action revolvers, making it a solid choice for gun owners looking for a convenient and secure way to carry their weapon.

🔗CNC 7-Port 5-Chamber Comp Cone for 1911 Handguns

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I've had the chance to use the EGW 11830 CNC 7-Port 5-Chamber Comp Cone in my 1911 pistol, and I must say it's made quite a difference in its performance. It's built with heat-treated, stress-proof Carbon Steel, which adds to its durability and reliability. One of the most noticeable things about this cone is its unique 10-degree angle, designed to control muzzle flip and keep the gun steady even during intense shooting sessions.
However, one downside I noticed was that installing it required a bit of extra effort, as it required a reverse plug due to its lack of a bushing to hold the recoil spring. Nonetheless, once in place, it lined up perfectly with the barrel bore and provided a smooth, precise shooting experience.

Buyer's Guide

The 1911 Compensator is a vital accessory for 1911-series firearms. It aims to reduce recoil and muzzle rise while enhancing accuracy. This buyer's guide will provide you with essential information, recommendations, and considerations to help you choose the right 1911 compensator for your needs.

Materials

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When selecting a 1911 compensator, consider the materials used in its construction. High-quality compensators are usually made from durable materials like stainless steel, titanium, or brass. These materials provide long-lasting performance and better heat dissipation, which can improve accuracy.

Size and Weight

The size and weight of a 1911 compensator are crucial factors in determining its compatibility with your firearm. Ensure the compensator's dimensions match those of your barrel and that its weight balance is appropriate for your shooting style and preferences. A well-balanced compensator can improve recoil management and control.

Design

The design of a 1911 compensator influences its effectiveness in recoil reduction and muzzle rise compensation. Popular designs include compensators with multiple ports or a single, large port for better performance at various distances. Consider the design that best suits your shooting requirements and preferred shooting distances.
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Ease of Installation

Installing a 1911 compensator should be a straightforward process. Choose a compensator with user-friendly installation methods, such as simple screw-in designs or those requiring minimal gunsmith work. This will save you time and money in the long run, allowing you to focus on maximizing the benefits of your new compensator.

Budget

1911 compensators come in different price ranges. Consider your budget when selecting a compensator, but remember that investing in a quality product will provide better performance and durability in the long run. Avoid compromising on key features and materials in an effort to save money.

Maintenance

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To ensure the longevity of your 1911 compensator, choose one with easy-to-clean and durable materials that can withstand frequent use without corrosion or damage. A compensator with user-friendly cleaning methods will make maintenance a breeze.

Customer Reviews and Ratings

Prior to making a purchase, research customer reviews and ratings for various 1911 compensators. This can provide valuable insights into the product's performance, durability, and overall user satisfaction.
Selecting the right 1911 compensator for your firearm is crucial for optimizing its performance. By carefully considering factors such as materials, size, design, ease of installation, budget, maintenance, and customer reviews, you can make an informed decision that enhances your shooting experience.

FAQ

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What is a 1911 compensator?

A 1911 compensator is an accessory designed to be attached to the barrel of a 1911 handgun. This device helps to reduce recoil and improve accuracy by redirecting the gas generated during firing in a forward direction.

Which 1911 compensators are available in the market?

Several 1911 compensators are available in the market from different manufacturers, including ATI, Troy, and Dead Air. Each compensator may have its own unique design and features.

What are the benefits of using a 1911 compensator?

• Reduced recoil, making shooting more comfortable and controllable
• Improved accuracy by reducing muzzle rise and moving the point of impact closer to the point of aim
• Enhanced performance in rapid-fire situations

How do I install a 1911 compensator?

Installing a 1911 compensator typically requires some gunsmithing skills. You'll need to remove the barrel from the 1911 handgun and thread the compensator onto the barrel, followed by re-installing the barrel into the handgun.

Are there any drawbacks to using a 1911 compensator?

Yes, there are some potential drawbacks. One is the increased weight of the handgun, which may affect the overall balance and feel of the gun. Additionally, some users may experience a reduction in the overall effective range of the handgun due to the compensator's design.

Do I need a specific 1911 handgun model to use a compensator?

Most 1911 compensators are compatible with the standard 1911 handgun models, but it's always a good idea to check the specifications of the compensator you're interested in to ensure it fits your handgun model.

How much do 1911 compensators typically cost?

The cost of 1911 compensators can vary widely depending on the brand, materials used, and features offered. Generally, you can expect to pay between $100 to $300 for a quality 1911 compensator.
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I was approved for a C1 transit visa for my upcoming trip to Costa Rica (SJO) where I need to have a layover in the US (LAX). My first layover in the US on the way to Costa Rica is less than 24 hrs, but my second layover going back home to the PH is around 38 hours.
I double checked US Immigration laws, and section 214.2(c)(3) is where it says I can stay for up to 29 days, but has anyone had an experience with a layover in the US that’s over 24hrs?
Edit: adding required info - flying ANA for MNL-LAX/LAX-MNL - flying United for LAX-SJO/SJO-LAX - I am a Philippine citizen with a Philippine Passport

Hello travelers!
So my wife and I booked a last minute cruise to Iceland and Norway through NCL this June. We're a family of four, with 3-year-old and 8-month-old boys.
Our Itinerary is as follows:
Day 1 - Reykjavik (Embarkation) Day 2 - Grundarfjordur Day 3 - Akureyri Day 4 - Sea Day Day 5 - Kristiansund (Norway) Day 6 - Trondheim (Norway) Day 7 - Alesund (Norway) Day 8 - Sea Day Day 9 - Husavik Day 10 - Isafjordur Day 11 - Reykjavik (Debarkation)
We're arriving one day before and staying one day after the cruise in Reykjavik.
I was looking for some general tips and advice as to our Itinerary. Looking at the excursions offered directly through NCL (as well as privately through other companies), I feel like what's available isn't really something the kiddos would appreciate or enjoy. Don't think it's a good idea to book many of those excursions for two main reasons:

1. Many are 3-8 hour long tours, something little kids would probably hate. While ours are generally well behaved and we've traveled extensively with them on multi day, hour long trips, that's usually in the comfort and privacy of our own cars. Also, these tours involve either clamoring onto boats for nature or wildlife watching, moderately difficult hikes, or really long drives. Stuff I think our kiddos might be over with in the first 20 minutes lol.
   
2. We want to be considerate of everyone else! There are likely many others on these tours, and don't want to subject them to our kids' potential tantrums, where they are stuck with us for hours. We understand little kids can be stressful, and we're already "intruding" on many people's vacation by simply coming along on the cruise, so we want to limit our impact on others' holiday as much as possible.
   

Some questions/advice sought are:

• As it relates to the Icelandic ports, are all these ports generally easy to walk around and explore on foot immediately following getting off the ship? We're considering maybe doing our own thing rather than booking tours, and simply walk around leisurely and poke around these ports. Is this feasible to do given our Itinerary?
  
• We are wanting to travel lightly, and are debating leaving our car seats behind. I understand Iceland's laws as they relate to child seats. Are taxis or other car transport services easy to book, and how difficult is it to request appropriate child seats? Good idea to leave the car seats at home, or bite the bullet and bring em with us?
  
• Given our Itinerary, anything special or interesting for little kids that stick out at any or these ports? Any recommendations of tours, sights, or experiences would be great!
  

I and my friend went to Mumbai on a Saturday to visit another friend in Mumbai. We took a cab early in the morning, reached Mumbai by afternoon, visited some places, then a Techno Club, Got drunk and came back to his place at 3 AM. I wanted to come back to Pune the same day so that I can utilise my Sunday.
Now here it gets interesting: We were somewhat drunk, Haven't slept for last 24 hours and thought we can sleep in the cab while coming to Pune. We booked a Cab at 4 Am from Mumbai to Pune.
The cab driver came, my friend sat on the back seat and went straight to sleep, and I sat at the front passenger seat, adjusted the seat and closed my eyes and the driver took off.
Within the next 15 mins while, our cab was still on the Mumbai highways, I could feel something was wrong: the driver was sitting very upright, was looking down while shifting gear, using both of his hands to maneuver the steering wheel of the cab.
Remember, I was drunk and sleepy af, so I didn't pay attention much, but my spidy-senses were active and I knew something was off.
My first big hint came in when the driver was trying to overtake a Truck on the Highway from the wrong side, but he failed to overtake it and the roads were merging into a flyover. So his failed overtaking led him to take the cab off the highway to avoid hitting the truck and the flyover walls in the last moment and he put the cab on the service road.
I woke up, with eyes wide open not able to contemplate what just happened: I asked him "Bhai Gaadi niche kyon utaari?" (Why did you get off the highway?) And he replied "I got confused with the route". So he took a big 4 Km round turn to again get on the highway.
Then I couldn't sleep (but was still high and sleep deprived), I noticed he didn't know how to DRIVE.
He put the cab in full acceleration in 3rd gear while overtaking big trucs, he went in the wrong lane often to overtake but couldn't so he came back to the right lane and tried again and again. The way he was going on turns was very dangerous, with sudden acceleration and braking.
At this point I told my friend to wake up, he was sleeping in the back seat like a baby; and I was praying for my life anytime I watched the driver coming closer to a truck.
I tried waking up my friend and telling him to cancel the ride but he didn't wake up and even when he did he was like "Don't worry, this guy has 4.8 star rating" and you should sleep too.
By this point we were entering the Ghat highway, and I knew now it's hard to book a new cab here, so I decided to keep awake and try to avoid death.
Things got worse on the Ghats. This dude couldn't drive on the straight roads of the city, on the Ghat he was a death machine. Luckily it was about 5:00 AM and there was little traffic there.
But there is this area in Ghat, where the Incline is very steep which the trucks cannot climb at regular speed and there is always a jam.
So when we reached that part, this guy stopped his cab close to a big truck stuck in Jam, and there were trucks all around us.
This is where we almost died: The road was a steep incline: and the trucks needed space to back up and move ahead everytime they stopped in traffic and accelerated:
Our Driver used his "Leg Brake" to stop the car on the incline and when we had to move ahead he let the Brake go and tried to accelerate: which is a bad idea on an incline road, and our cab started drifting backwards where trucks were accelerating towards us in a Jam Packed Traffic. As our car started going backwards and the truck behind us accelerated towards us, I went into panic. The truck driver started hoking like crazy and other trucks who could see what is happening also started hoking.
Our Driver's reaction was to "Steer the car" towards another truck's wheels and pressed acceleration in panic. I could see that he was about to cry.
At this point I lost it, I smacked him on his Head, pulled on the Hand brake, stopped the Car, then again smacked his head and told him to hold the clutch and accelerator. He did, then I slowly let down the hand brake and we moved forward. He admitted that "It is my first time driving on a highway" and I was like "MF it seems like your first time holding the steering".
For the next 3 hours I kept my self awake somehow and told him when to accelerate, when to brake, when to change gear and when to overtake.
I could have taken over the driving If I wasn't drunk or high but I was passing out regularly as I hadn't slept in 24 hours.
Atleast whenever you guys book a cab to travel long distances please check how many "Trips" the driver has done before confirming the booking.
Stay Safe.

I've come here to see if I can get more perspective to save my marriage. My wife and I are high school sweethearts, and we've been together for about six years now. There's a few major issues she's having, and it finally reached a breaking point about two days ago. She's to the point where she's asked for a divorce, but I begged her to let me try to fix the problems. She's asked me to leave and give her time to think in the meantime.
For a little more context, we're both from NY, and we're two years apart as seen above. When we got together I was wrapping up my senior year of HS and getting ready to head to college, and she was heading into her junior year. For the first two years of the relationship, we were practically long distance. She couldn't be open about being with me because of her home life, but at that point we loved each other already, and we made it work. We both struggled in our childhoods, and have our own mental health struggles, which has led to both of us having major communication issues. Back then it was much worse on both sides, but over time we tried to learn to be better about it. She has definitely grown more than I have in that department, which I didn't realize the true extent of until everything spiraled.
I dropped out of college just before covid started, while she was still in her senior year of high school. I spiraled into a deep depression, but she didn't really see the full extend of it since we spent so little time together still. When we were together, I was so happy to be spending time with her it was like everything was ok. This still put a lot of strain on our relationship, but we loved each other, so it felt like we just powered through. I didn't ask for help like I should have, both from her and from my family. I've always had a very hard time admitting I have issues, and I hurt the people I care about by doing it. I spent the first half of the year like this, until I got a steady job, and the stability helped level me back out. At the end of the year, I convinced her to move out of her parents house for the sake of her mental health. I picked her up and brought her to her best friends house, and she bounced around places to stay for the next couple of months.
She's the hardest working person I've ever met, so she was hitching rides to a restaurant to work while still finishing up her first semester of college. I did what I could to try to support her, but staying with my parents, I couldn't just invite her in to stay. During this time, she reconnected with her family that she had been forced to cut contact with by her mother. This aunt and uncle acted as her mother and father figure growing up, and their daughters are like her sisters. They're both grown up and moved out of the house, so her parents were empty nesters. That is, until they invited us to come stay with them. On a whim, we decided we would move across the country with them to get away from the trauma of the past, and give ourselves an opportunity for a fresh start.
When we first moved, I was having a very hard time. It was the first time I'd been so far from home, about 22-26 hours, and we were both having a hard time finding jobs. It got to the point where I sprialed into another depression. I know it was wrong, but I practically gave up on finding a job, while she got one working for Walgreens. I didn't do much of anything, I was lazy and didn't help around the house. It wasn't expected of me, but it bothered her a lot that I was just taking and taking. It wasn't fair of me to any of them to not try to better our situation, and it definitely put more strain on our relationship than I should have allowed. She was very stressed about getting money together so we didn't have to rely on their help, and I just didn't care like I should have. A few months later, she got me a job at another Walgreens store. I only lasted ~5 months, but I transitioned into my first sales job a few weeks after I quit. This helped us move into our first apartment, but as it was throughout the whole relationship, she was the one who had saved up enough for us to actually do it.
I wouldn't say we ever fight, but we had our first big emotional discussion since we had moved south on our way home from Christmas with her sister in 21. I didn't want to admit it at the time, but I was having a very hard time spending the holidays without my family. I didn't think anything of it, but I was talking down to her basically the whole week we were there. Her family all commented on it to her, and told her she deserved better, which I know she does. We cried so much on that drive home, but she put it all out on the table, and I told her I would be more mindful of how I spoke to her. I never meant to hurt her, but that doesn't excuse the way I was acting. I thought I had gotten better about it, but she told me I still do it to her, and I make her feel like she's lesser than me, even though she's always been the driven one and the provider in our relationship.
Fast forward to this spring year. We haven't had any huge issues since the one I just mentioned, and we've taken big steps in our life. We spent a year in an apartment, and then we bought our first home together just over a year ago. I jumped into the car business from my year in sales at att, and I had gone from earning double what I made at att in 23, to making next to nothing this year. I hit my breaking point, and I quit my job. I thought I could take a week off and collect myself, but being out of a routine spiraled me into a deep depression. This was the worst I've ever been mentally while we've lived together. This put all the burden on her shoulders, both financially and emotionally. She tried her heart out to help me, but I just couldn't admit that something was wrong, the same problem I've had time and time again. This is where she hit her breaking point with me. In her words, she felt helpless seeing me like that, and she grew to resent me for what I put her through and what I was doing. I did remote work for about a week, but I hated it so much it was drastically effecting me. She told me not to worry about it and just quit, but this put more burden back on her shoulders. She had to go back to worrying about me, and me being more depressed. It lasted about a month from me leaving my first car dealership, to me starting at the one I'm currently at.
Now, to where the bomb went off. She spent 2-3 weeks being incredibly distant, and she wouldn't really talk to me. She would make little excuses about not wanting to talk or touch me, and it really started to bother me. But, I was stupid, and I tried to give her space. I finally snapped on Wednesday night, and said she was acting like she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. That was because it was true. She had talked to a therapist, and she said that my wife had disconnected herself from the relationship completely when the resentment grew. All the little things I do wrong became more clear to her. I thought I had gotten better about the way I speak to her, but I still make her feel like less than me, even though she has fought so hard to support us. I don't pull enough weight around the house, even though I felt like I was putting more effort in. I couldn't handle her telling me she thought we should get a divorce, so I got up and said I was going for a drive to calm down. She was terrified I would hurt myself, she still loves me despite everything I've put her through. I got home about an hour later to her pacing outside. We went to sleep in separate rooms that night because I couldn't stop thinking about how awful I felt while I was laying next to her.
The next morning we had a much longer conversation. We both cried and cried, but she told me she thinks we want different things for our future. She wants to bust her ass to be the best at whatever she ends up doing with her college degree, but she feels I'm just coasting. I've been trying to change careers for about six months now, but I've had no real luck outside of finding opportunities at other dealerships. She said she wants kids, which we had agreed for a long time we did not want. We have five dogs, and I got a vasectomy a year and a half ago. I told her I think we should talk to someone about why I don't want kids, I think something snapped in me growing up that changed my mind on the idea. She said it wasn't her problem to figure out why I don't want kids. I begged her to try couples therapy with me, but she said I should have listened to her saying it sooner. I've always had such a hard time opening up to anyone, and the same happened when I tried therapy on my own. I thought it was a waste of time then because of it, and I told her I thought it would just end up the same again. I know that doesn't make it right, but it just hurts so much hearing her saying it like that.
I've had two mental breakdowns over the course of these last few days. The first was on Thursday, while she was asleep. I shaved my head, when I've openly told her several times I hate having my head shaved. I think I did it so I could feel like I was in control of something going wrong in my life, even though it was just a stupid thing to do.she walked in to me sitting on the floor in the bathroom like this, and I ended up crying hysterically in her arms. I just can't believe she wants to leave me when we love each other so much, which she still confirms despite all the things she's said. In that moment, it completely broke me. She was so scared she made me go to the hospital, making her relive past trauma. It wasn't fair for me to put hwr through that, but I completely lost control. By the time I saw a doctor, I had collected myself. I told them what happened, but everything was fine now. I don't know why I thought lying like that would help, but it got me out of the hospital I so desperately didn't want to be in. She dropped me off at home, but she immediately had to head to work. I turned my phone off to ignore all the concerned calls and texts from my family and went to sleep.
I woke up at 4:30 that morning, and I couldn't handle what I was processing from the days before. I got up to get something to drink, but I really just ended up sitting blank faced on the kitchen floor. I bashed my head off one of the cabinets, like I used to do when I was a frustrated child. It woke her up, and she came out to see if I was ok. I had another breakdown when she came out. I told her I was sorry for trying to hurt myself, but it hurt that I did it when I told her I wouldn't. I was able to collect myself this time, but the damage was done. I went to therapy that afternoon, and it honestly helped me a lot when I was able to tell the therapist what had happened. I talked to my wife afterwards, and she said she was proud of me for being able to open up like that for the first time.
Originally we were going to spend the night apart so she could have more time to think, but she changed her mind after my therapy went well. We had another long talk, and she had decided she wants to end things. She wants to be treated better, she wants someone that has more desires for the future, and she doesn't think I could be the father of her children. I'm fighting so God damn hard to get on the path to bettering myself and our relationship, but she's convinced it's too late. I talked her out of divorcing yet, but she wants time to think more about it. She wants me to move back in with my family and show her I'm serious about bettering myself. I'm worried that if I leave, I'll be putting the nail in the coffin. She's the love of my life, how do I save this?
Upon finishing this, I've realized it's way longer than I intended it to be, and it took me an hour and a half to dump all this. If anyone actually reads all this, thank you. I'm sorry if my grammar was awful, I started typing this again 2:30am because I woke up and I couldn't sleep thinking about this.

In the 19, nearly 20, years I have lived my life, I was raised a Christian by American conservatives in a middle class environment and am fortunate to experience countless memories of joy, laughter, and growth with (mostly) everybody I have met. Each memory with the people in my life holds a special place in my heart, and I will forever cherish the bond we built.
The thing is that until the end of eighth grade, I had a strange obsession with East Asia. Looking back, it was very embarrassing and I condemn my parents for enabling me to become a weeaboo (by “weeaboo”, I mean “a person who is overly obsessed with East Asian culture, especially Japanese culture, to the point that they fetishize the culture in an unhealthy way”). I was the textbook example of a weeaboo who had a terrible case of “yellow fever” (sexual preference towards East Asians). Loving the image of East Asian culture without having any real idea what it stood for and seeing the East as a utopia, my fetishization of East Asia, especially Japan, was born out of the shame I have with the Western culture I was raised in. I never felt like I could fit in with my Western peers who I often looked down upon and did not want to be associated with. It got to the point that I became unsatisfied with my home town, my physical appearance, and even my closest friends. This combined with the surge in anime, K-pop, and other media on the internet really got me hooked and believing really fetish-y things about the Sinosphere. I hate being reminded of it and have tried to move on.
However, I am thankful for my exposure to Eastern culture, though it was through a very bastardized, Westernized lens. I am grateful for my exposure, even though it started out with something as intellectually undemanding as Vocaloid music (songs sung by a Japanese voice synthesizer). The best part about the exposure was that it helped me leave Christianity and join Buddhism at age 11, which greatly helped with my mental health considering I was experiencing suicidal thoughts since the age of 8. Though I had awful misunderstandings of Buddhism in the beginning and still do not really have a Buddhist teacher, I am glad that I have the resources to connect myself with other Buddhists and take refuge in the Triple Gem.
As I left my gross misconceptions of the Sinosphere behind back when I was 14 while still having a healthy interest in it, my eyes were eventually opened to perils which threaten not only the homelands of Buddhism (East, South, and Southeast Asia), but also the sustainability of modern humans. These two perils are Western culture and capitalist fascism.
The West exoticizes and misrepresents Buddhism and the culture of its home, the East, as a whole. I am ashamed to be born in a culture where this was encouraged, which I am worried could lead me to fetishizing Eastern culture again.
But what I know for sure is that the West’s hyperindividualism is harming people, both those whose lands are invaded and its own people. This combined with the West’s growing rejection of education, including that of the knowledge the West itself has given to the world for humanity’s benefit, makes it clear that it is lacking some of the Sinosphere’s cultural strengths. Everybody should hold collectivism and education to the same degree that the Sinosphere does, otherwise we would be left with an unsustainable society that would destroy itself.
There is nothing wrong with speaking Western languages, eating Western foods, watching (most types of) Western media, wearing Western clothes, and especially nothing wrong with using Western inventions, but we are now seeing that the West’s hyperindividualism and rejection of education is destructive and spreading like a cancer.
It is only Buddhists who make an effort to assimilate to the East (had they not been born into it) who can see the West with its hyperindividualism and uneducatedness, promoted by its creation of its spreading ideologies such as capitalist fascism and social Darwinism, for what it really is: a cancer. I can now see the direction the United States, the most populated and powerful country in the West, is going due to the rise of ultra-capitalism and/or fascism supporters.
Rarely the phrase “Western”, as in “formed by the combined foundations of Greco-Roman civilization and Western Christianity” (Gabbe), raised positive thoughts in my mind since I learned about it shortly after discovering Buddhism. “Western” when used in the context of medicine is an exception to this, but we are now seeing more and more Westerners dishonor the progress their ancestors made towards modern, mainstream, dare I say, Western medicine as they fall for anti-vaccine and anti-mask pseudoscience.
Nowadays, some who use the word in a derogatory context are uneducated reactionaries that bash anything and everything Western, yet hypocritically promote the Western political ideology of fascism. A strength that a majority (though now a decreasing number) of Western countries have is their progressivism, supporting scientific advancements, women’s rights, racial equality, and the LGBT+. However, this is not just becoming less common; being a progressive Westerner is not enough, not enough to end Western imperialism, to save the sacred truths taught to us by the Shakyamuni Buddha, or to empower the working class.
Although I never fully approved of Western culture after my weeaboo phase ended, my early teen self still ended up falling into the anti-social justice warrior side of YouTube that I now recognized hindered my understanding of what actually ruined my country, the United States of America. I still did not feel comfortable calling myself a Westerner but mainly because the West did not widely accept Buddhism and has several times in its history persecuted Buddhists. At the same time, I was deceived by a bastardized form of Buddhism common among Westerners (known as “secular Buddhism”, which picks and chooses aspects of the Buddha’s teachings instead of accepting them as a whole), so I was a bit more of the classic, stereotypical atheist neckbeard who fetishized the East up until 2020. Since then, my views became more progressive similar to those of American liberals and I denounced traditionalist Western beliefs, but like the average American liberal, I did not see Western culture, both traditional and progressive, as the peril I now see it. It was not until around the end of 2023 when I discovered the Western problem.
It was a slow burn that started with my discovery of Buddhists on the internet talking about how the West misrepresented Buddhism to appeal to “self-help” consumerists, Christians, and New Age followers. In the Westerner, I originally saw only a person who followed harmless customs, traditions, and other norms that came from a part of the world where Buddhism was not the dominant religion (if you could even call the non-theistic dharma as taught by the Gautama Buddha a religion). And so, I did not believe that Western civilization needed to fall for the safety of the dharma, let alone for its own people. After all, I thought to myself, the West has contributed so much to science and the modern world as we know it. I still believe to this day that there are no superior cultures and that each one simply has its own unique strengths and weaknesses, some of which are only subjective. However, while looking through Buddhist forums, I was shocked to hear about the West’s pollution of Buddhism and my knowledge on Buddhism skyrocketed as I learned that I fell victim to the Dunning-Kruger effect. I started reading sutras and immersing myself with Buddhism by listening to those who have much more experience than I do. There are hardly any Buddhists in my community and the only Buddhist center within reach is a New Kadampa Tradition meditation center (FYI: the New Kadampa Tradition must be avoided since it has a reputation for financially exploiting members and its monastics have allegations of drug trafficking and sexual abuse), so books and the internet are all I have left.
Practicing Buddhism in the West is nearly impossible without a community, without a Buddhist teacher, without any resources written by Eastern Buddhists. Reddit user u/Tendai-Student, a “lay Tendai Student [sic] with aspirations to become a Priest [sic]” states the following:
It is exceedingly challenging for a Westerner who is interested in Buddhism to find reliable information. Bookstores' Buddhist sections are rife with myths about the religion (we will come to some of these misconceptions below). Buddhism-related disinformation abounds in university classes. Misinformation about Buddhism abounds in publications with a Buddhist theme. Even Buddhism-related english-speaking [sic] Reddit boards are prone to carry false information.
Buddhism is constantly distorted in the same way: to make it more agreeable to Abrahamic faiths(especially Christianity in the west) [sic]. To imply that it is subject to Western standards, Western religion, and Western consumerism and materialism.
…Asian teachers are frequently excluded from English-speaking Buddhist places (meditation centers, university forums, periodicals). Asians make up the majority of Buddhists in the United States, despite the fact that popular images of Buddhism in the West make it appear otherwise. In the minds of Westerners, Buddhism is a religion of white converts. They don't even pay attention to the odd lack of Asians in some Buddhist areas. (u/Tendai-Student)
It is no wonder that I went through a phase when I was a weeaboo with “yellow fever”. The Westerner commodifies and commercializes these Buddhist practices and East Asian customs like they do with several other cultures. Its misuse and stealing of Buddhism is the worst because its teachings are for us to end suffering by ridding ourselves of the three poisons: greed, ignorance, and hatred (which the Westerner promotes).
My realization of this drew me away from the West, similar to when my obsession with the East began. The difference is that my interest in the East now is not because of a fantasy born out of misguidance, especially not a sexual one. I now know that there is more to the East than its pop culture. But I cannot help thinking that none of this would have happened and I would better understand Buddhism had I been born to and raised by Buddhists in East Asia, or even a majority Buddhist country in South or Southeast Asia.
However, the possibility of a cycle starting with a yo-yoing fetishization of the East makes me anxious. When I realized what I was doing at first was fetishization, I did further research and found out that the West is to blame for its portrayal of the East in its media. This in turn makes me denounce the West and brings me back towards my obsession with the Sinosphere, which could lead to more fetishization.
Despite this, I am glad that at the very least, my interest is more than just wanting to live a kawaii lifestyle, hoping to have a “submissive housewife who will look young forever”, or all that neckbeard squick. I do have to say that there is something else that is drawing me towards the Sinosphere, not to mention that it is the region where Buddhism is dominant (the same is true to a lesser extent with the Indosphere). Even though I am not a huge fan of tradition since I am very progressive, when a region’s culture gets something right, they get it right. In addition to Buddhist values, the Sinosphere holds education and collectivism to a high degree. It is no wonder I find their people so much more intelligent and caring than people from my culture.
It is common knowledge that countries such as Japan, China, South Korea, and Singapore have the highest average IQs. To add to this (unbeknownst to many), even less developed countries, e.g. Mongolia, with high Buddhist populations around the same region, have average IQs higher than developing and undeveloped nations outside the region. The most agreed upon reason for this is cultural factors rather than genetic or economic factors. To conclude, Buddhism combined with values in the East Asian cultural sphere creates the best “brains” to represent humanity, thus the West should make way for them, especially considering the East’s superior collectivism.
Of course cultures do not stay the same forever because they change over time. One big thing that is different now in the Sinosphere and Indosphere (the latter I am mentioning because it is where Buddhism came from, though it is not as dominant in the cultural region as it was) is that they are generally much more patriarchal and anti-LGBT+ than they were up until the last several centuries. However, Buddhism treats same-sex relations and being transgender the same as heterosexuality and being cisgender (preferring celibacy among monastics, though depending on the school of Buddhism, those in the monastic order may be treated as their birth gender, even if they are transgender), and in addition, the Buddha taught that women are just as capable of attaining enlightenment as men. Even outside of Buddhism, there are records of same-sex relations as early as the Shang dynasty in China and the temple walls in Khajuraho, India depict homosexual activity. As for feminism, China was matrilineal until the Han dynasty era, when Confucianism and filial piety became mainstream in the area, while India, home to over 100 different ethnic communities, has had a few matriarchal and egalitarian societies pre-European colonization. In the modern era, numerous people in the two cultural spheres are becoming more supportive of gender equality and the LGBT+, which in some cases may be due to Westernization (not that it redeems it) or simply the individuals’ progressive political views not influenced by Western culture.
What has stayed the same for the most part, besides Buddhism, is the Sinosphere’s and Indosphere’s value of collectivism in honor-shame societies and the former cultural sphere’s emphasis on education; this is what Westerners, as well as people all over the world, need for themselves. If the West is going to fall due to hyperconsumerism, late stage capitalism, and uneducated leaders, those living in the West would be better off joining Buddhism and assimilating to the East. Arguably, the best way to do this is to move to a majority Buddhist country, preferably one in the Sinosphere (its core countries being China, Japan, the Koreas, Taiwan, and Vietnam). Leave everybody you know from your home behind, especially non-Buddhists. Just to make things clear, Westerners are not necessarily evil and it is not their fault they were raised in a Western culture, but having these people in your life will hold you back from collectivism, quality education free of anti-intellectual quackery, and above all, understanding the dharma.
After you have left everybody in your life and started anew, you can immerse yourself in the culture. Again, abandoning Western food, media, clothing, and especially inventions and scientific breakthroughs is very unnecessary. Your main focus is reprogramming your mind to think like a person (specifically a Buddhist person) in the Sinosphere/Indosphere, utilizing the high educational standards, putting the collective over the individual, and taking refuge in the Triple Gem. Before moving, though, it is best to make yourself familiar with the customs and learn the language of the place you are moving to. To aid your assimilation, it would not hurt to start dating one of the locals who strongly identifies with the culture, regardless of their race. Someone living there who is not ethnically East, South, or Southeast Asian who is still very involved in the culture would be very helpful to your assimilation as one who is ethnically East, South, or Southeast Asian (I am clarifying this to discourage racial fetishization). This may be difficult as you would have to win over approval from their parents, let alone convince them to see you as another Easterner, but if you manage to do so, that would be fantastic. To make things easier, you could plan to move to a country where people treat women as equals and are relatively accepting of the LGBT+ so you would not have to worry about gender roles or whatever. Think of places in the Sinosphere such as Singapore, Taiwan, Japan, Hong Kong, or if you are planning on going to the Indosphere (which is not too big of a step down) since they did give us Buddhism after all, Nepal and Thailand. Your most important goal, however, is to rewire your brain to think in a more Sinic or Indic way and be more in touch with Buddhism.
You can hardly consider yourself a Westerner if you manage to do so, being Western only in your country of origin (and possibly race as well). I am definitely not like those other “people” from the West who strongly cling to Western culture because they just do not understand. Western cultural merit is almost solely from the proxy of our ancestors’ inventions, scientific discoveries, and political revolutions. Considering that the West is being brought towards the wrong direction in the modern era, we should get out of there culturally, if not physically, until it all hits the fan.
If the West continues its defilement of the rest of the world, when it falls, it will bring it all down with it. We must not lose or else everybody loses.
This pressure has a good side; because the bigger the great threat becomes, the more we will push ourselves to assimilate and raise children to fight for us. Considering the infectability of Western anti-intellectualism and “main character syndrome”, how could our Western peers know better? Buddhism is not a proselytizing “religion”, so our best bet is eliminating the promoter of the three poisons, the Westerner (especially the Christian Westerner), from our own lives. How it will run to us as its society collapses under itself and we welcome it to assimilate but say “we told you so”! The older I get, the better I know the Westerner. The better I know the Westerner, the easier it gets to excuse hostility against them, especially from the Sinosphere.
From my perspective, the ones to blame are not the angry, low-middle class white males in the rural United States nor the boba conservative bananas and right-wing coconuts who suck up to the West’s biggest scum, but rather the ones who have brainwashed them to fall for chauvinism, reactionarism, and laissez faire capitalism.
Realizing this, I am now closely investigating the sources of these beliefs which make up the foundation of social Darwinism and, when combined with totalitarian thinking, capitalist fascism. This is after I noticed that these systems are unsustainable and would destroy themselves from the inside out. The slow, painful destruction of communities who fall victim to them are well known to me. If one looks carefully, they can see the consequences that have been unfolding since the 2020 Coronavirus Pandemic. You may wonder: were the founders aware of this? My guess would be that they were not but were evil nonetheless because they were too selfish to think about the future, their descendants.
If this is the case, then it is the duty of us, the opponents of these ideologies, to spread the word faster than the ideologies are currently spreading in the West. It is hard for me to believe it is not the case considering that both Western political ideologies are fundamentally reactionary. Besides, I doubt they would want civilization as we know it to collapse.
I have a social Darwinist as a maternal uncle who sometimes meets with my parents, maternal grandfather, and younger brother and with his political conversations, often sourced from flawed studies, Russian news, and 4chan, I can easily study the principles of its theories. Both of my parents are also conservatives who support Trump and other immoral American politicians. Being raised by the two of them, I bet I could disguise myself as a Western right-wing traditionalist, maybe even a social Darwinist, since I know the way they speak, to whom they flock to, and how to make them give one their full attention. It would probably be easy to do this as some right-wing grifters can fool American right-wing audiences into thinking that they share the same beliefs (e.g. Thomas MacDonald).
Their kind are gullible because they do not listen to fact checkers and often do not do research to see if who they are listening to really practices what they preach.
Even though there are Westerners who are not like this, the West cannot coexist with Buddhism, let alone the cultures where it is dominant, as the West ruled by colonizing tirthikas and it will likely always be for as long as it lasts. And just because their culture is not as viable as the one founded on Buddhist, Sinic, or even Indic values does not give them the right to imperialize the rest of the world and bring it down with them. We can welcome the Westerner willing to change its ways, turn it into one of an Easterner, and have its culture go through a quick and painless demise, or the Westerner can continue its power trip, destroy everything it touches along with itself, and society will suffer a slow and painful death. This is what the conclusion that I have come to so far as I examine capitalist fascism and Westerners’ connection to it.
The Western doctrine of capitalist fascism rejects an aspect of maitrī, fulfilling beings’ basic needs, and substitutes it for a privilege towards the bourgeoisie and the exploitation of the workers’ labor (also known as Vergegenständlichung or “objectification”). Thus it denies the worth of the collective, only concerns itself with greedy individuals, and thus is immoral. Unlike what the non-Buddhist capitalist wants people to believe, all beings have an altruistic Buddha nature, but it is corrupted, being difficult to notice as it has only conditions without a beginning (listed in the Avijjā Sutta). Abandoning capitalism, both fascist and non-fascist, gives power to the people as it ensures a more guaranteed right to life instead of having not even one thousand billionaires own more than half of Earth’s population combined, more than each one of those billionaires could ever spend in their lifetimes.
Should the Westerner, especially one who pushes capitalist fascism, strengthen its grip on humanity, it can be said that it would make its own naraka.
And so I stand by my plan and encourage others to do the same because it is in the name of the Unsurpassable Enlightened One. By protecting our kind against the Westerner, we are defending the Triple Gem.
If it is not already clear, the disapproval I feel towards the societal values and prevailing norms of the West has led me to question my place in this environment. I believe that meaningful change can only be fostered if the West is put into its place and the Sino-Buddhist East motivates our minds.
In Vietnam, where the culture is predominantly Sinic with some Indic aspects and little European influence, we can see the promotion of quality education, collectivism, and Buddhism (practiced by a forgivable 15% of the population), very unlike the nearby country of the Philippines. In the Philippines, its citizens cling to the Anglo-Saxon and Hispanic culture brought to the country by American and Spaniard imperialists. The effects of this are very clear in their average IQs (Vietnam: 89.53 vs. Philippines: 81.64) and PISA scores (Vietnam: 1403 vs. Philippines: 1058). They are both developing countries in Southeast Asia that were colonized by the West, but because Vietnam kept its culture more pure and stuck to Buddhism (or at least Sinic philosophies), its people are better educated compared to the nearby Westernized countries in a similar economic situation.
In short, Westernization leads to the following:

1. The native culture becomes diluted
2. If Western thinking intrudes, mental degeneration takes hold of the native population and its society slowly degrades along with the West itself as it eats itself from the inside out

Those who cause this to happen must be stopped, especially those who endanger Buddhism. We must not wait for the fruition of their karma for their sacrilege of the Tathagata’s teachings because by then it would be too late, and even if it is instant karma, every bodhisattva’s job is to end suffering.
Those who spread the harmful ideologies bring themselves and others away from the Buddha’s word are polluting humanity by having them join their rat race that will only end in their own demise. They are leading to the ruin of many and thus, I do not consider them to be human but instead parasites.
There is a disgraceful Western belief that for a short amount of time was not held by the majority but is now very pervasive in the West and also is the foundation of reactionarism, chauvinism, and capitalism in all cultures. It says: “My individual rights matter the most and freedom means my right to violate the rights of others.”
This Western babble is followed by numerous all around the world and sows disharmony in societies where it becomes the norm. This idea provides basis for several types of Westerners, including but not limited to:

• the “Karen”; a middle-aged, entitled, often white and anti-mask/anti-vaccine female who makes trivial complaints
• the “Chud”; a racist, misogynistic, right-wing male (usually young) who browses 4chan everyday and has a high likelihood of becoming a mass shooter
• the dayangma (Hanzi: 大洋马); a sex-obsessed young adult Western female, majority white but sometimes POC, is conventionally attractive (to Westerners), sleeps around, and in some cases creates spawn that do not know their father(s)
• the angry white male; self-explanatory, right-wing and traditionalist (sometimes a social Darwnist or capitalist fascist), commonly rural, evangelical Christian and have never seen a POC before
• the “Trad Wife”; a prudish, sometimes uneducated, female who lets Western males walk all over it and raises spawn who are likely to become angry whites
• the New Agehippy; generally a teenager or young adult, a well-meaning but poorly educated white liberal or social democrat who misappropriates Buddhism and appeases Muslims
• the AmeriKKKan fathegrandfather; a middle-aged to elderly, chauvinist male with children, sometimes also grandchildren, and is unconcerned about social justice and similarly to the “Karen”, falls for pseudoscientific conspiracy theories
• the neckbearded otaku (Hiragana: おたく); a hairy white male with “yellow fever” and mediocre hygiene, for the most part subreddit/Discord server moderators who stalk and kidnap East Asian ladies (if not teenage girls)

The growth of these groups is evidence of the degradation of Western culture, showing that it must retire as the dominant culture and make way for the much more sustainable East. Once the manuṣya realm on Earth is completely tainted by the West, Buddhas can no longer arise in the world because the dharma would be known by nobody and the Vinaya are forgotten or destroyed.
The future generation will not remember the dharma unless we halt the growth of the parasitic culture that promotes overconsumption, hyperindividualism, and anti-intellectualism.
The Westerner has a remarkable contrast to the Sinic or Indic. The Westerner has a grasp on this world so strong with its weaponry since the 16th century, using force to disrupt the traditional lives of whatever native people it saw, safe for those in a few countries (even though some of those countries are still being Westernized). The Dutch, English, French, Portuguese, and Spanish built colonies from the Americas to Southeast Asia. The kingdoms were blessed with powerful militaries, strong economies, stable governments, and advanced technology that allowed their cultures to spread. But after half a millennium and looking back, was any of this really earned? And is the Westerner’s conquest over yet?
Since the Great Schism of Christianity, the Westerner trained itself for roughly one thousand years. It trained itself in several aspects, but it forgot an important piece, the dharma. The cunning Westerner, blessed with advancements, used them to tyrannize other peoples on a scale never before seen. This was the beginning of the Latter Day of the Dharma. The dharma is declining because of the savage Westerner. And so, it leeched off of any people it got a hold of, including predominantly Buddhist peoples. Even during the decolonization of the 20th century, fundamentalist Christianity spread and threatened the dharma. To make matters worse, previously Buddhist peoples clung to Christianity as taught by their colonizers; the French in Vietnam and the Spanish and Americans in the Philippines. To this day, the Philippines is a lost cause along with its majority Muslim neighbors in Maritime Southeast Asia. The cunning Westerner turned the Filipino against us and now Buddhists make up only 2% of the Philippines’ population. Now, the Westerner sees Buddhism as nothing more than an aesthetic, a self-help lifestyle, or a decoration that they can commercialize and cherry pick aspects to integrate into their religion or lack thereof.
It is excellent for someone from the West to learn the dharma as this will turn them into a more compassionate and wise person, but they must not enforce the Western gaze onto it and discard parts of the Shakyamuni Buddha’s words they do not like. To be fair, some aspects of Buddhism would be nearly impossible for a Westerner to understand unless they assimilate.
Buddhism is not materialist or blind belief without evidence and it belongs to the East, so stop pretending to be something you are not while pushing stereotypes of Asian Buddhists.
However, even though Buddhism is not materialist or very in line with the Western worldview, it is uniquely human. Walpola Rahula, a Sri Lankan Buddhist monk and writer explains it this way:
Among the founders of religions the Buddha (if we are permitted to call him the founder of a religion in the popular sense of the term) was the only teacher who did not claim to be other than a human being, pure and simple. Other teachers were either God, or his incarnations in different forms, or inspired by him. The Buddha was not only a human being; he claimed no inspiration from any god or external power either. He attributed all his realization, attainments and achievements to human endeavour and human intelligence. A man and only a man can become Buddha. Every man has within himself the potentiality of becoming a Buddha, if he so wills it and endeavours. We can call the Buddha a man par excellence. He was so perfect in his 'human-ness' that he came to be regarded later in popular religion almost as 'super-human'. Man's position, according to Buddhism, is supreme. Man is his own master, and there is no higher being or power that sits in judgment over his destiny. (Rahula 3)
How could one even consider the Westerners who diluted Buddhism human themselves at this point? If it were not for them, Westerners may have a better understanding of the teachings of the “man par excellence”. We are lucky that the only Westerners who necessarily see us as inferior are white nationalists and fundamentalist Christians, otherwise the Westerner could have committed a genocide that would have left millions of us dead. Westerners are competitive beings, so they rarely act in concord towards each other. It is only when there is something that draws them together or away from a common danger.
If everybody on Earth becomes a Westerner, they would wallow in their shamelessness and would have nobody left to exploit except for each other until they destroy themselves.
Until they are the only ones left, they will vilify and exploit anything non-Western until they only have each other, then leading to a chaotic world of undignified militaries, economic inequality, corrupt governments, and little or no innovations.
Unless the Westerner considers even the slightest of inspiration from the East, it will continue to follow hyperindividualism and have apathy towards its education. That is why the West is falling. Those from the West who are smart enough to realize that the West’s flaws that it spreads are deciding that the West is not worth maintaining and its resignation is overdue. If those from the West abandon it to assimilate to the East, it would make the West’s death quicker but more dignified.
This is more than a fad but rather the realization that Western society would be best being a passing fad itself. The West gave us great inventions, food, clothes, scientific discoveries, etc. and once it is gone, the East can pick up where it left off just fine.
We will never abandon the Triple Gem because we recognize it to be more than a spiritual, exotic aesthetic or trend. To do so would make us just like those others in the West who Asian Buddhists look down upon. When the time is right, each and every one of us will surround ourselves with the people who know the dharma better than anyone you have met in the West and we can finally be at their level. We shall be Western only in our country of origin and/or race, but in every other way, we will be Easterners; Buddhist Easterners who will take back what rightfully belongs to us.
When we (and hopefully Buddhists outside of both the Eastern and the Western world) do this, consumerism will lose some of its biggest prey. Even though it may not seem like it at first considering we are abandoning everyone we have ever known, we are doing our ancestors a favor by joining the culture that strives towards the end of suffering. We will be leaving our cultures’ ways of thinking behind, but doing this will save face for our lineage, especially the Western lineage as we would be preventing the creation of more “Karens”, “Chuds”, dayangmas, “neckbeards”, and other degenerates. We will not be annoying dorky nerds and certainly not “neckbeards” who are overly obsessed with and fetishize the culture but people making an effort to get closer to the dharma and surrender to the East.
Although we are collectivists, we must seek personal liberation first for the good of other beings. Once the West collapses and its former supporters come running to us, we shall welcome them. If some do not recognize this before it is too late, well boo hoo! They will have a better birth with the world we will create. Some of them, especially their unlucky spawn, would probably be better off dead and reborn into a better life, maybe even the Pure Land.
The way it is looking now, the West is falling and becoming the world’s laughingstock, which is a good thing. The quicker it falls, the less painful it will be for the Westerner and everybody else. Western culture will not be missed, but we can keep the best of it and continue the innovations that the creators would wish to see. We will remember the legacy of them and be thankful while never forgiving or forgetting the ones who ruined the West.
Works Cited
“Ignorance Avijjā Sutta (AN 10:61).” Translated by Ṭhānissaro Bhikkhu. Dhammatalks. 2017, https://www.dhammatalks.org/suttas/AN/AN10_61.html. Accessed 31 May 2024.
Gabbe. “Western Culture.” Wikipedia. 25 May 2024. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Western_culture#:~:text=The%20core%20of%20Western%20civilization,Roman%20civilization%20and%20Western%20Christianity. Accessed 31 May 2024.
Rahula Thero, Walpola. What the Buddha Taught. Oneworld Publications, 1959. Accessed 31 May 2024.
u/Tendai-Student. “栄真Eishin (u/Tendai-Student).” Reddit, 31 May 2024, https://www.reddit.com/useTendai-Student/. Accessed 31 May 2024.
u/Tendai-Student. “Buddhism is being MISREPRESENTED in the West Marginalisation, cultural appropriation, misconceptions and what you can do.” Reddit, 2023, https://www.reddit.com/WrongBuddhism/comments/14zc6xg/buddhism_is_being_misrepresented_in_the_west/. Accessed 31 May 2024.

So this might come out a little sporadic but I'm typing as it the conversations come out. Also on mobile apologies for format. Also I've tried to talk to them about my wife's feelings about being here but they brush it off and said well suck it up.
So after struggling to keep up with rent our landlord said to have 1300 by last friday or be gone. We had no way of coming up with 1300 in 5 days (she told us the monday of that week). So we told her we would be gone so we started packing. Called my parents to see if we could temporarily move in with them and they said yes, it should be noted they have spent the better part this year pushing to have me, my wife and our daughter move in with them rent free. My wife and I are both pretty private so the thought of living with other people was too much even if it was family. Being our only choice I had to reach out, we spent monday afternoon through Wednesday night packing our home of 3.5 years. They came down thursday and we started loading the truck (just my wife and i) while they kept our daughter busy. After the truck is loaded and they have our mattress and a few other items loaded in their truck they take us out to eat, we then take the truck to the storage unit, unload and make our way to their house 2.5 hours away.
My parents and I have a semi strenuous relationship, being they like to control and guilt trip me since I'm a only child and my dad is now disabled. Their on fixed income. My wife and I spent the better part of the next 4 days applying for jobs through various job websites. It's been fine up until Tuesday when we head 45 minutes away to the nearest town with staffing agencies. We fill out info and were told to wait for a call. That was about 3 or 4 hours, knowing we did all we could we headed back. We get back to my parents house(really a trailer on some land) the first thing out of my moms mouth was "yall are back already. I figured you would make a day of it" mind you we've been applying online to anything and everything but so far no calls. As I've already checked the jobs in town (as small as it is) only accept online applications, it's not like we could fill out paper ones and et hired on the spot. My wife and I spend the rest of the day in our room still applying for what we can find. My parents want us to sit out in the living room with them, we do for a little bit until it's time to put our daughter to sleep.
Wednesday comes and it goes pretty much like tuesday, along with the sly comments when we get back, except this time we head another 30 minutes away to another town and we have a interview set for this coming monday.
Thursday comes and we dont go out because we've already hit the staffing agencies even remotely close to us, which any job we get requires up to a hour of driving one way. Now this trailer is hoooot and the ac doesnt work all that well on our side so my dad and I take a window unit out of his work shed and fit it in the window of our room. All that was said before we spent half a day getting to this point was any extra electricity we use we would pay the difference, that was fine with me. My parents are older and get cold easily so setting the ac temperature to 78 is normal for them but again the ac sucks on our side and we're sweating our asses off the previous nights.
Meanwhile they have been pressuring us to spend our free time in the living room to watch movies with them, while they have their faces buried in their phones and not paying any attention to anything else.
So now its Friday, exactly 1 week from our first full day out here. We're down to 1 vehicles right now and the engine temp gauge starts going out as we ran into town for baby stuff. We make it home and I noticed I missed a call from my mom. I call her back and she asks where we are at, I said we just got back because the car was acting up. " well I thought yall would he out applying for jobs" I said again we've been applying for jobs for a week now. "Well you need to figure something out soon especially since your car is messing up". So then I spend the next 4 hours helping my dad around the property and listen to him complain that we've been using too much electricity with the window unit and they cant afford a $500 electric bill. We've kept the ac at 70 and it barely comes on with 2 fans going. We have a 2 year old and she doesnt need to be sweating in her sleep. I say ok and try to move on. After taking a shower and laying down to rest I get up and grab some leftovers from the previous night. Now before I continue I should mention that when I was still living at home while my wife and started dating, my parents would ambush me after getting home with 2 or 3 hour discussions on how my behavior is unacceptable. Meaning me going out with my girlfriend at the time, now wife and walking through the park after work or going on a date on our days off. This continued until we moved in together. Even me moving out was a problem when I didnt want to take towels and cookware with me because we already bought some. They always guilt trip me into helping them with something. Now after a 1.5 years of my wife and I living together my parents lost their house(my mom didnt tell my dad until a week before they had to leave) she knew for a while but never got a job or asked for help. So my wife and I got 1k each loans from work to help them move(which they have paid back) but then spent the next 3 days helping them move 20 years worth of living 2.5 hours away.
My wife has tried to get along with them but they just rub her the wrong way with comments, behavior and attitudes.
But now we have a kid so I feel compelled to go out there as often as possible so they can spend time with their grandchild.
Now cut to friday(yesterday now) and I'm heating up leftovers. As soon as I set my bowl on the table they come sit down, oh joy another round table discussion. They start off with how we sleep in too late(9 or 10am is too late I guess) we dont spend time with them, also a lie because we spent 6 hours in the living room the day before and they barely acknowledged us, we dont seem to be doing anything. Also a lie, coming straight from their mouths, they dont believe we have been putting any effort to find a job since we dont do it in the living room and tell them watch what yall want we're putting in applications. I cannot make this up. How I have to ask if they need any chores or anything done around the house to help out. Also a lie because I ask do you need help with dinner, do you need help with cleaning up, and my dad has been asking for my help for every little job he wants to do around the house. I may be your child but I'm not a child. They dont like how we sit in our room, for maybe half a day, I've spent more time doing shit around the house or looking for a job than I have spent chilling with my wife and daughter. How we dont seem to have a plan and their not going to be paying our way, now mind you they've been hounding us to move in, we have to find jobs, shit doesnt come by easily anymore. One thing they kept saying before was yall dont have to come in the living room with us, you can come and go as you please, that was bullshit. As far as places reaching out to us for interviews it's only been 5 business days since we've been here, between the 2 of us we have nearly 150 applications out and nearly all of those are 45-1.5hrs away. We do have 2 interviews set for monday.
So they wait until I've sat down to eat since I've been busy all day and haven't eaten to ambush me again with a talk. They love to control me by guilt, before it was fine because it was just me dealing with them since my wife refuses to play their games but now your trying to do this shit in front of my wife and daughter.
Side note I told my mom not to feed our daughter with her spoon the night before, " well we've been doing you just havent been here to see it" and continued to do it. I started to raise my voice but my wife shook her head no.
Where did all the promises before go to? Why is it now we're just lazy bums sleeping all day(lie). I have a plan, I know what I need to do, as I'm telling them this I get the "dont be so defensive"line. I'm not being defensive, I'm telling you we have interviews set and applications out, it's a waiting game. Anytime in that discussion I say something that disproves what their saying they turn it around to well that's not the point that's exactly the point, what I said proves that your talking out your ass but you sont see it that way. Earlier in the day for the 3rd time in 2 days they berate me about the extra electricity. Why offer to have a window unit put in if you sidnt expect us to use it. We're not talking 60 degrees 24/7. 70 at night(which is still hot in the room but bearable and off during the day.
Also my wife doesnt feel comfortable eating around people, so really the only time she eats is dinner at the table(mandatory apparently) or if I bring food in the room, with my parents behavior its makes her uncomfortable to be out in the living room(where the spend nearly all day) to grab a snack. I get it, your in someone else's house you dont want to dig around the fridge. So now my wife is barely eating.
I've been trying to keep a relationship going for the sake of my daughter but this shit is the last straw. I feel like your trying to drive a wedge between my wife and I(like they've been trying to under the guise of have we want to spend time with yall but making sly comments to piss us off) my wife is ready to leave and I'm with her. I cant do this game with them anymore.
Yall offer help with one hand and have a knife in the other. Everything has strings attached to it.
Over the years my dad has giving me some thing she doesnt use anymore. A old laptop (by today's standards but usable) Xbox one which I still use A old digital camera Old tablet with cracked screen Set of battery powered drills(heavily used) These are the only items they bring up and ask if I still have them or I sold them. They are all in storage, I should know by now any gift will be used against me later on by accusing me of selling them.
So now I'm on reddit after my wife and I talking about the entire week, 1 week, 7 days of being here. Until she fell asleep about 1am. I'm still up pissed off and typing this. I'm not sure what to do, we talked about gettig 2 checks and getting a pay by the week hotel to get out of here quickly or try to deal with it for 2 months until we save enough to rent a place(security and at least 2 months rent)
I'm ready to ghost them and move on, my behavior is suddenly a problem when it doesnt involve them.
Side side note, for our daughters birthday we decided not to do a party and just the 3 of us go to zoo. We had a blast, lot of laughs and pictures, it was a great day until my dad took offense that he wasnt invited. Nobody wss invited because it was the 3 of us. But again everything has to be about them.
So thank you if you made it this far, I may add more as it comes to me but this is the basic idea of my situation.

To begin with the story, we became a couple at the end of 2019. I was interested in another girl before she confessed to me so I rejected her at first, but I haphazardly said I would be with her due to some complications (too personal) a few days later. I was a boring guy, barely functional and ready to end it all after repaying everyone that I know, so I thought after her infatuated period she would see who I was, leave me and search for happiness elsewhere. I would prioritise myself before hers which is very bad, I know, which was an idea that she will leave me eventually right? TLDR: I invited another girl to try league to have 5 man squad, she was new and suck at the game, everyone scolded the new girl and I felt very guilty since 2 other people join I left with the other girl to teach her about it. I shared personal stuff with her and I considered myself as best friends. My girlfriend who was in the squad felt jealous regarding this issue for 4 years now even though I explained "Hey I was the one who invited her and if we just kicked her, it feels so bad for her." I was pretty competitive (Playing ADC) and I would criticise everyone, including myself (I was and still am crazy, would play and watch VODs at least 3 times and see what to improve on and hit myself for making misplays). So she would mention how competitive I was and say (not word for word but a gist of it) "I thought you were competitive, she played so badly and you did not scold her or anything but would scold everyone else when they make mistakes" That is honestly a valid point, like really valid, which I said "She is new to the game, imagine being mean to someone that has no idea what is going on, it is just really unfair. I criticise people who I played with for a long time, know how I want the game to play out and still make the same mistake again and again. I never scolded Friend A (This Friend A played for an amateur team in DOTA2), he has never played league before so there is no reason to be mad at him. I never scolded Friend B (who got masters a few seasons ago) who did not play league for months and played poorly due to preseason changes." This was one part of it for her leaving me. Another short story, I never scolded her for her mistakes, even after she went on about my mistakes and specifically asked me to never play Jhin again (I still remember it, it was an off game on Jhin). Not just in league. Even in real life, I never raised my voice at her, never did anything to her that she did not want to.
In 2020, we were in this community which eventually got a huge drama between a huge group of people and her (I cannot go too specific in this). She brought up some glaring points about a person and there were huge allegations back regarding the points that she brought up, however, there was no real evidence to witch-hunt that person other than the things he said which were dark humour in everyone's eyes. Everyone defended that person and pushed her into a corner (metaphorically, not physically). I also believe that the person was just making dark humour jokes, and would try to stop everyone from attacking her instead of siding with her. I said "If anything, I should be the one to be attacked as I am responsible as well.", but the group and I had been friends for almost 4-5 years, they kept saying I did nothing wrong and she should be the one taking responsibility, which I then say "They are not being sensible here". They eventually stopped to show some respect to me. She felt betrayed as I did not choose to side with her, but to sit on the fence regarding this issue. It is another reason that she left me. Up until 2024, I was trying to get those people who were involved to apologise to her, saying that they went too far but to no avail. I would stop talking to the group of people, but still have some chat from time to time (this is also pretty important).
This is also in 2020, I gave her my password thinking "I don't have anything to hide right?" It was one of my worst mistakes as she could access the past messages that I sent to another girl (the one that I had a crush on). I have been trying since 2017-18 till I got together with my girlfriend. The thing is that there is nothing, but the efforts of trying to get the other girl's attention and even skipping lunch to get her stuff ticked her off. (I worked part-time to buy tickets and gifts for the other girl) (I fucking regret this as well, now that I have grown up, it is embarrassing to simp that hard for a crush) I apologised for my past actions, which is being a fucking simp, but this would be brought up countless of times when we fought.
I started to feel love towards her at this point, in the sense that her love for me was not infatuation but actual love. I had bad experiences back then, a girl asked me out and a month later said that it was infatuation and broke up, and the other one cheated on me with my best friend at that time. (This might be important? I am not sure whether I want to speak about it or not) I felt that maybe this was the one proper relationship I would have.
Following that in late 2021 to 2023, I would do a mandatory 2-year work and it was really strict. They would send personnel to check on you if you took a medical certificate. I would sometimes take a medical certificate to visit her, risking the chance of getting caught. Sometimes, they would call me asking where am I and why am I not at my house. I would say I went to get food and would be back in 30 minutes and quickly took a cab back home. Ok, why this part is important is that I had 2 surgeries in 2022 and have a 6-month + 4-month medical certificate. I explained that we could not meet up due to me being unable to walk and on crutches, but I would still go out and meet up with her. There are times when I just pretend to be fine and not use crutches to make her feel less embarrassed and bad, but in actuality, it fucking hurts, every step, every movement hurts.
After I could walk, I had to go back office and do normal work. So being the spoiled child I am, I would be tired and tell her that maybe going out daily is too tiring so let's go out from time to time. She agreed with it which I did not pick on as lowering her standards for me. I would fuck up by saying that I will go back to the game which in turn go back to the community that hurt her. We would argue about this and all the other stuff that she was pent up about. I will talk about how we argue later on. Late 2023 was one of the huge turning points where I felt that there was no end basically, we would always be arguing and I started having doubts about whether she loved me. (Her backstory is fucking sad, basically had a really really bad past, you could not imagine it, her previous boyfriend cheated on her, less trusting with people, has only me to entertain her and now me that does not show enough love)
As time went on after that argument, I started taking the avoidant approach, whatever she said in the argument was right. I am a narcissist, I am egotistical, and I don't love her, with this amount of care and love no wonder my ex cheated on me, friends called me out saying what I did was fucked, etc. I would agree and head to bed. I started caring less and less about arguments and I know that it is wrong, but every time we argued I would get so agitated and do stupid things, so to solve that I decided to do the dumbest thing on earth if you are in a relationship, to care less about the argument.
In University, I would pretend to be a normal human being and not be stupid. I would study countless hours, having breaks in between the sessions of course. I know my foundation is bad, so I had to study more than other people. We would go out 2-3 times a week and at some point, it became 2-3 times a month cause I was too focused on school, to get the future (I moved it below this paragraph). I scored pretty well, currently 4.8 GPA, got my professor's recommendation and became a part-time research assistant, but what did it cost? Everything that we had built. I would always say that I am busy with school work, projects, and studying for a test, and that is 100% my fault. I would always say that it is for our future, with a high GPA and first-class honours, I will get more pay and we don't have to worry about money ever again. However, that is not what she wanted. She wanted to spend time with me, to enjoy life with me, while I was hyper-focus on the future and she did say that she would not be in it no matter how many times we argued about it. She had period cramps, her mental health declining due to lack of job offers and is alone while I am focusing on the future. The future is important, not saying that it is not, but I failed to see what is important and that is my family, how am I going to get the future that I wanted if I don't help her now? I regret not being able to see this part until the very end where she said she wanted to have a break from me and could be friends afterwards.
About myself, I am one of the dumbest people on planet Earth if you compare people without complications. I went the long route in terms of education, 4 years in high school, 4 years in pre-university (diploma) (17-21) and only now starting university at 24. (I don't know any US terms) I have low self-esteem and apparently, I am the worst person alive as well. I mentioned that I wanted to end it all after repaying everyone that I know, for the time spent and taking care of me. My mental health improved when I was with her, believing that I could live until old and protect her. So I decided to go to university for 2 reasons, 1. To impress her family and 2. To get a good job and not let her worry about financial issues. (Oh, I am a foreigner so I would be bullied in school and fight back to protect myself, which led me to study less and fake being a menace. Came to this country without a penny, mother had to work 3 part-time jobs to support my siblings and me. Everyone had lunch money and I had nothing. Even now my allowance is $250 per month) I see financial stability is what makes a good and stable, and I started to see the future which in turn made me blind to the present. I want to meet her. but it is an hour-and-a-half trip to her house and another hour-and-a-half back home which I find to be inefficient. 3 hours spent not doing anything and it is going to be crowded on the train (so I have to stand for an hour-and-a-half back home tired). She mentioned that I could get a driver's license, which is true, I am stupid (this was after she said she wanted to have a break from me). There are times when she would say things that hurt me, but I let it go as she had a sad past and I understand that she does not mean it when she said it. (I can't take it honestly) My love language is affirmation of words so words hurt me x100. She would get me gifts, but that is not how I see it. I would accept it, loving the gifts, but all I wanted was a pat on my head and say I did well. She did say I did not spend enough time with her and gave examples of someone she knew flying to other states and driving his significant other to his house. My brother would take MC and leave to bring his girlfriend for cruising. My friends can sustain a relationship when we are in the same boat (in university). I said those friends can be in a relationship because they spend time studying together, while when we spend time I have to spend 3 hours in transport and risk lowering my grades. However, everything is just an excuse.
She blocked me everywhere due to me trying to plead with her countless times when she did say that she wanted to have a break from me. So here comes the question, how can I improve myself as a person for that time when she is ready to communicate with me? I am trying hard not to go back to the same mindset as before. How to improve on not being a narcissist and egotist? What do I do to improve my self-esteem issues? How to not worry about her finding another man before I even prove myself? How to start seeing colours again and not hear static everywhere? Am I lacking as a person? Only she could pull me out of the well that I am currently in. How do I cry my heart out? I have only been able to tear up but not cry even though my heart is killing me. I tried searching for it but nothing worked, listening to sad music, watching sad movies, laying in a fetal position and pretending to cry, nothing worked. I am starting to think that maybe she is right about me not loving her. What am I supposed to do? I love her... I have been trying to eat for the past few days, but everything just came out after it entered. Please help me
PS. Please focus on me instead of anyone involved. I want to improve as a person and know what to do to get her attention back. I will be deleting this post in a few days.

I'm 5wks 5 days and haven't really felt pregnant at all. I've taken 4 tests to confirm I'm not going crazy. Beside slight fullness in lower abdomen and some very minor breast tenderness, but not sore. No cramping or pain and earlier had brown spotting that was more than a little, no clots and went away shortly after. Kinda like last day of period blood. I feel pretty normal and that's what scares me. Not my first pregnancy but it's been at least 10 years so I'm pretty much at a loss trying to figure out what to do. The bleeding wasn't enough for a trip to the ER. I have an appointment on the 17th but I'm to anxious now to wait that long. Don't know if I should just wait and see. I recently moved so appointment on 17th is to establish care, etc. So I don't have a doctor in the area I can call for advice yet. Any ideas, suggestions or words greatly appreciated!

During our (25f, 35m) almost two years together, he:

• Undressed me and had sex with my limp body after I told him "not right now" (I had just accidentally hit a cat with my car a few hours before, and I was a mess because of that). I was crying and covering my face with my hands, and I was too mentally exhausted to push him off of me or do anything. He later said he wasn't aware I was crying.
  
• Forced me several times to have sex when he was drunk and I kept saying no because I felt uncomfortable with him being drunk. The only time I resisted, he became so heartless, cold and sulky, which caused me to burst into tears and have a huge fight which I honestly thought would be the end of the relationship (it wasn't).
  
• Would "jockingly" punch my arms or thighs, slap the back of my neck, push me down, pull my hair, etc. He even left bruises once or twice, but that's just because I don't get bruises easily. Whenever I said it hurt and asked him to stop, he said it couldn't possibly hurt since he wasn't actually hitting me, he was just playing. If I tried to hit him back in the same "jocking" manner, he would hit me harder.
  
• Constantly criticized my looks. "why don't you put on some make up? Why don't you cut/dye/style your hair? Look at your colleagues, they take care of themselves, don't you want to look like them? Don't you want to be a lady? Why don't you want to have breast surgery to fix those uneven boobs?". I had clean yet baggy clothes, I showered twice a day, used deodorant, washed my hair, flossed and brushed after every meal. I just don't look anything like the models and porn actresses he is obsessed with.
  
• Withheld affection. He would literally shove me and push me when trying to hug him, telling me to leave him alone. He wouldn't hold my hand, no goodbye hug, nothing. It took over half a year to get him to cuddle sometimes. Most of the time, I have to beg, literally beg him to let me hug him for just 2 seconds. He is always in a hurry or not in the mood for being touched.
  
• Gave me the silent treatment/disappeared for days and weeks. During this time, I couldn't sleep or eat, my heart was racing and my mind was overwhelmed with thoughts of how I may have hurt him, how I should've behaved differently, how it's my fault he is upset. Before we were serious, he ghosted me on New Year's Eve and came back after 3 months.
  
• Would constantly hurry me, walk ahead of me, not wait for me, cut me off when walking down the street and had to make a turn, even though I repeteadly told him it was bothering me.
  
• Would always tell me I'm stupid and immature for liking flowers, bugs, anything nature. Criticized me for taking too many photos of every little thing, for picking flowers, for everything "soft hearted". He always shuts me down when I try to tell him about a trip I've been on or show him photos (and he never wants to come with me when I invite him).
  

Finally, the last straw was how he treated my dogs. I have one senior dog, Jack, and I also recently adopted one year old Nero, who was found abandoned and injured.
My boyfriend very much disliked my older dog. He would say Jack is just a mutt, he is ugly, fat and old, and I should just take him to the slaughterhouse or something. He made stupid jokes like this all the time. He told me not to let Jack sit in front of him because he didn't want to have to look at him and couldn't stand him.
With my younger dog, that's a different story. Nero is likely not a mutt, he appears to be purebred. My boyfriend liked him because of that, so he would eagerly ask to hold Nero when we were walking the dogs. From the very beginning he treated him roughly though. He would forcibly pick him up, throw him around, set him off on cats, push him, shove him, pull onto the skin on his back and neck, etc. I asked him not to roughhouse the dog like that all the time, or at least keep it light, because all it did was teach the pup to be agressive, but he wouldn't listen.
What he did yesterday made my blood boil with rage. He picked Nero up and literally threw him onto Jack's back. Of course Jack started yelping and tried to bite Nero. I snapped. That was the only time I ever yelled at my boyfriend. I screamed at him at the top of my lungs, asking if he's an idiot. Jack is old, his legs are achy, and my boyfriend just threw another fully grown dog onto his back. Moreover, I've been struggling to make the dogs get along and live together, and now you're trying to pit them against each other?!?
After the initial shock and rage, I asked him to apologize at least. He refused. He said he had done nothing wrong. He thinks I'm too soft, I treat those dogs too gently, it's ok to play roughly, they're dogs afterall, it's not hurting them.
It's funny how he could abuse me in any way possible, and I let it go on, I even tried to justify his abusive ways. He took so much from me, my enthusiasm and love for everything I once enjoyed. But when it came to my dogs, I just snapped. When things got physical with my dogs, I finally found it in me to fight back. Now I think this young pup and I were meant to meet and save each other.

First/Previous
“How’d you think that was going to go?” asked a voice from the other side of the door.
I lay on the bunk and stared at the ceiling; my head throbbed. The place where I’d been grazed stung whenever I touched my fingers to it. A bullet had—by whoever’s grace—scraped my scalp and traced a line from the far corner of my right eyebrow. It'd only been three days and it still caused pain. No doctors came and I was certain there would be infection—if not plain infection, then it could always be the worser: skitterbugs. I ached still. I had never fully recovered, not like how I should have.
The day of anger, as I’d begun to think of it in my mind, had caused no great ruckus beyond a few dead men. Two were Bosses, but who knew if they’d announce that as casually as they’d surely announce my execution. Perhaps they’d string me up alongside thieves. A good thief and a bad. What a riot; I deserved no thieves, of course.
What was I? Some great hero? Some idiot was more likely. I wanted misery to befall those that perpetrated it themselves and there I was, more miserable. Perhaps the wrath in my heart came from some mutation; the demon Mephisto resurrected me (so said the demon) and I’d begun to accept it. It was the reason for my poor state, surely, and the more I thought on it, the more I believed it was true; it felt true right down to my bones. The truth hurt or it was age and I rose from the cot I lay on; I’d been detained in a room beside the one I’d visited Andrew many months prior. They’d starved me, rattled the door to try and frighten me, and they’d wasted water on my head to keep me from good sleep.
I did not respond to the voice from the other side of the door and the object rattled in its frame and the voice came again, this time angrier, “Really? How did you think that was going to go? Crazy bastard! Thought you’d put the hurt on the Bosses? Thought you’d kill us at our worst? First, it’s that explosion. You have something to do with that? No! First, it was Harold’s daughter running off!” The voice on the other side of the door grew with mirth as it did with anger. “I’d seen you around town a bit. Thought the Bosses always liked you. Huh. Boss Harold mentioned you at his parties and said how you were a smart fella’, a good fella’, and there you killed him. Stone cold.” The man which spoke was a jailor that tortured me in those dreamlike days I spent locked in their prison, and he seemed personally affronted. “So first it’s the explosions; steam or dust rose out of cracks in the ground you know—some thought hell was rising up, but the Bosses put those thoughts to bed. God, what’s it with the likes of you? The explosions and now I’ve lost an eye and its because of the skitterbugs. You probably brought that on!” The voice muttered and then the door shook in its frame again, seemingly from a hard kick. I wished I could see the face of the man throwing his tantrum. “Can’t wait to see you hang.”
“So, I’ll hang?” I asked the door. There was a long silence, and I was uncertain if I’d pitched my voice enough for the man on the other side to hear me. I opened my mouth to ask, “So-
“You’ll hang.” The man on other side seemed to knock his knuckles against the surface of the door. “Or you’ll die here.”
“What’s Maron said?”
“Don’t you worry about him.”
“What’s he said?”
“Said you’d probably appreciate the punishment that we’d put on you. Said you’re a sick man. Said you like speaking with devils and people like you only find pleasure in such things.”
“So, I won’t hang?”
“Oh, you’ll hang, sir. You’ll hang if I need to do it myself with no one else. If not that, I’ll be sure to put you under one way or another. Accidents happen.” He chuckled. “Maybe you’d enjoy it, but it doesn’t matter. Whatever enjoyment you find in your tortures won’t compare to what ideas I have.”
A long silence followed, and I watched dust motes dance in the air; the place was stagnant and even a breath caused a shift in their glide. I closed my eyes and tried to remember a better time. I thought of Suzanne. I thought of Gemma. What a time to be alive. I thought of the movies, the books, the musical cartridges that sung of yesteryears. How unlucky I’d been, of course. Something had changed in me though and it was totally refreshing. Perhaps it was in realizing the evils of my brothers was that of a man and not some otherworldly force, or perhaps it was a push that came from years of terrible inconsistencies. All that living in the past and so it was. It didn’t matter—the past. I’d been so busy with it that I’d been in a constant state of unliving. I’d known that always, of course—something new had come.
“You dozing off in there?” asked the jailor.
“Nah.”
“Good. Stay awake or I’ll be forced to stay you awake.”
I’d been reborn with a rage, justified or otherwise, and it was felt all over. It was a wild compulsion. All that time and it had been me that was brought back.
The wound on my head throbbed and I prodded it with a finger and brought the finger away and examined the digit; it was dried well enough, and I did not smell infection nor were there any of the accompanying symptoms of a fever or hallucination. I was me, through and through. For now.
The door banged. I didn’t bother an answer and the door banged again.
“Who’s there?” I asked, surprising myself with the sarcasm.
“Why’d you do it?” asked the jailor.
“You wanna’ ask me about it now?”
“Tell me.” The voice on the other side of the door was serious entirely.
“Bah!” “Bah to you! Why’d you do it?”
“Is there a reason to explain myself? If you knew better the things I knew, would it get you to unlock that door and let me walk free? Would it change your mind even?”
The jailor caught a laugh before responding. “Can’t say it would.”
“So, what’s it that you want? You won’t understand me, and I don’t think I’ve got the energies of persuasion to try.”
“Try.”
“You like the Bosses?”
“They’re okay. Keep me in work anyway. Keep people safe.” I slumped forward onto my knees where I sat and placed my elbows on my knees and watched the crack at the base of the door on the other side of the prison cell. “What’s it matter if they keep you in work? Think they care about you anymore than what you represent?”
“Huh?”
“I mean, you keep riffraff down and they like you for it. I wonder if they know you. You ever get invited to the feasts they hold at the hall? You ever worry about your water rations? You ever wonder why it is that so few of the women or men invited to the hall return? Children too, now that I think of it. They’d call those captured criminals, I know. Those brothers—the sheriff is to blame too—they’re bastards. You know they are.”
“Is that so? What’s that make me? A bastard too?”
“By proxy maybe.” I dryly chuckled. “What’s it matter? What do you want outta’ me anyhow? Some gratification? Some confession—you’ve gotten that already, ain’tcha? Maybe a repentance? Why don’t you call one of those Bosses on down from their throne and have them here on the other side of the door so I can apologize? Or call Lady and I’ll get her to channel some message to the afterlife and I’ll plead for forgiveness. That what you want? Now I’m a bad man and I know it, but it ain’t for the reasons you believe. What you want is belief that there’s a man under the skin of the monster you’ve projected? No, I won’t shoo away your boogeyman for you. It can’t be done, not from me.”
“You talk big for someone in your predicament. I like how you talk so holier. Like you’re talking down on me. I just wanted to know what made you want to go on a mad-killing spree the way you did.”
“Mm.” I cupped my hands together; as it was, my left knee shot off with pain and I tried to massage it to little comfort and stretched it out straight from my body. “When violence keeps you bound, violence is necessary to free yourself. That’s all I’ll say about it. If you hang me, then hang me. Spill my guts out for the birds and put a sack over my head so you won’t be sick by my face.”
“You’re a mouthy pig.”
I listened to the jailor’s footfalls disappear down the hall and finally it was totally quiet and all I could hear was the throb on my head. Lucky or unlucky? No, it wasn’t luck. I’d been marked. I was the payment, and I knew the price. The demon had my soul. Whatever protection it afforded me, I intended on using.
The image of that room continued over in my mind, with the peasantry (that’s what I saw them as then) knelt in front of the Bosses and the wall men, with the intense blood-smell, with the surprise on Maron’s face. Billy’s face. There was still a part of me, however small, that wanted to plead with him to change his ways. That wasn’t the part that welled up in me then though. The piece of me that wanted to see him die was what took over. It hadn’t been Maron that fired his gun; he’d still been fighting with his holster. I’d only taken a step in through the door and a spray of gunfire from one of the wall men’s rifles exploded and I was sure I was dead because I fell, and my vision went white. They should’ve put me down then.
I didn’t come too fully until I had a few goons on me, hauling me upright roughly under my arms. Maron didn’t say anything at first and those wall men took over; they shouted that I was alive still and I felt a hot gun barrel against my cheek.
“Stop!” shouted Maron. The Boss Sheriff stepped forward with his stilted gait and looked me over thoroughly. The gun barrel fell from my cheek, but they held me still; it wasn’t like I planned on fighting. “You got uglier,” said Boss Maron, “Really ugly.” His left eye, afflicted by the skitterbug infestation, had gone dead white with only the faintest trace of an iris; it dribbled pus.
I held his stare to the point that my eyes watered—whether from anger or sorrow or both—and my muscles tightened like an animal threatening to pounce. It was a ridiculous display.
“Lock him up,” said Boss Maron.
So, I was locked up and those uncounted days I was mildly tortured: sleep deprivation, pummeling, and sometimes they spit on me. It could have been worse. I’d seen worse.
The cell was numbingly quiet, and I continued to massage my knee, continued in thinking about how investing so much thought with the past twisted any future of mine into a dismal satire.
I could not tell how long it had been without sunlight and the jailor returned (he was bulbous and fattened and old but very strong—it could be sensed in how he carried himself) pushed through the door this time with a tray of diced potatoes, steamed but cold, and a metal cup of water. He sat them on the floor, stared at the tray there with his one good left eye, and it was like I could read his mind as he looked at the food there. He could destroy it; he jerked from the tray without saying a word to me then disappeared behind the door he closed. The jailor remained there outside.
Pride swelled in me momentarily before I pushed whatever silliness that was and devoured the food and drank the clear water. If it was poison, so be it. If it was poison, then all the problems of the world would disperse.
Again, the jailor pushed in through the door and bent to remove the tray and I was struck by the immediate thought of strangling him. So, I tried and threw myself at the man.
My hands felt the scruff around his throat, and I pressed hard with my fingers on his Adams apple. He’d lurched forward to lift the tray and he immediately came up with force, throwing me off him; my nails raked his cheek as I scrambled for purchase. He took the metal tray in both of his hands and thwapped me across the head—it rang, and I was stunned while he lifted back his right hand in a swing. In the dizziness, I momentarily caught a glimpse of the holster on his left hip and reached out dumbly for the revolver there. A meaty smack could be heard, and I didn’t even feel it when his fist met my face the second time. My head rocked and I fought to look upright, and his hand came again, and I put up my own hand in return; it was pushed away, and he continued at me, muttering epithets he found useful.
Once he was heaving and spitting, he left me on the cot and directly before slamming the door, he mentioned something about violence and how if I liked violence so much that he’d show it to me.
I nursed myself to sitting right-up and though adrenaline kept the pain away, I felt my face bruising already. There was no way for me to inspect the welts his hands had left, but I could guess their places by touch and how they thrummed with my heart.
Two days passed, if I counted them by the visits from the jailor and then Maron made his appearance to me, and I was surprised to see him with a leather eye patch over his left eye; he seemed ill on his feet and the jailor, though the man was there, did not move to stop Maron from entering the room and relieving me of my prison. He and the jailor roped my hands together in front of my pelvis and I didn’t fight.
Boss Maron stank of infection and yellow oozed from beneath his eye patch and he kept his cowboy hat pulled snugly over both his ears and did not speak so jovially—there were no crude jokes at my expense. A warmth radiated off him. The Boss carried my shotgun with him but made no remark on it. He marched me from the prison, and I met daylight, and it burned my eyes while I stared up into the reddish sky. Dust scattered from the nearest portion of wall and caught on the wind till it was carried and disappeared overhead, and I briefly thought how nice it must be to fly.
Golgotha stirred as ever, and people spoke loudly and candidly as I passed them by. Words came my way from passing faces like, “You kissed the devil’s ass!” or, “You sure are a monster, look at you!” and Maron pushed me on with the gun at my back, and I wavered on my legs like I was without any control.
“Is it true?” asked Boss Maron, “Did you kiss the devil’s ass?” He tilted the shotgun casually on his shoulder and kept me ahead of himself. He was taking me to hang—and making a big deal out of it too. “I know how you like to speak to them. The demons. I know how you conspire with them. I told them all how you do. Now they know I was right.”
What a rotten town it was, and it smelled like it. The atrophied muscles and diseased infections of those fine folks emanated in the air, flies buzzed around my head, bloated and doubtlessly happy from whatever corpse they’d sprung from.
“Say somethin’,” said Maron.
“What do you want?” I asked, watching my footfalls, ignoring the screeches of those on the sidelines; he marched me through the runways, past the onlookers which saw me with faces of twisted hatred. The tension was palpable—I could feel the venom off the eyes of those that watched. Blood red eyes which judged carelessly.
“I want you to say it,” said Maron; I felt the nudge of the shotgun at my back again and I stumbled forward, caught myself, carried on, “I want you to admit it to me. You’re like a mutant, ain’tcha? No better than any other monster. I knew it all them years. I seen it.” We took an alley and cretins followed behind; wall men flanked Maron and on either side of the narrow stretch there were faces made even with the wall, pressed there like they were afraid to be involved.
“Whatever you say, brother.”
“Don’t,” hissed Maron, “Don’t even.”
“What?” I spat the word, “Afraid they’ll treat you differently if they all know how close we are?” I felt the gun barrel press against my back, and I yelped out the words, “Hey! He’s my brother! My baby brother!” The barrel jabbed me in the spine, and I spilled forward, catching myself on one of those nearby faces. It was an old woman. She shoved me from her, and I flailed across the ground after trying to catch myself with my bound hands. Dirt met my face and exploded around me. I laughed, blinking through the dust. I spit too. He couldn’t kill me. Whatever black magic there was in me—bequeathed by Mephisto—refused me death. Maron lifted me with the help of his wall men, pinching the coat around my throat with his fist. He shoved me on, and we continued.
“You smell that?” I asked Maron.
“Stop talkin’. You might not be a man, but you’ll die like one,” he said. The wall men around muttered, and we took the way to the front square; already there were looky-loos gathered, throngs of them not at all bashful to see the day’s line-up—it was just me. The platform was emptier and that was good (Frank, Paul, and Matt looked naked without their eldest brother). Those Bosses which remained looked drunk as they did for any other execution. It was a good day for it. Warm. The stink of the crowd was worse and as those gathered parted for my entourage, the warmth of them cloistered us like the blood of a wound.
Even through the vile aroma, the smell of rotted poultry rose like nothing else. “You don’t smell it then?”
The roar, a cacophony of the damned souls stolen, shook the ground and the air changed. A dragon—Leviathan.
Along the wall which old skeletal corpses hung against dried blood stains from hook-chains, men and women scattered the length of the parapets with their weapons. Gunfire came and one of those atop the wall shouted, “Artillery! Dragon! Big guns!”
There was fire in the sky and the creature circled overhead and its wings beat the wind like mad; those organic ropes that hung from its body took on horrid shapes with its movement in the high noon sunlight.
Screams filled the air as the square erupted into panic. I dove into the sickly crowd; among the loudness, the horses which were lined by the big door fought against their ties and bolted across the square. Arms and heads disappeared beneath those dashing hooves, and it was not long before people were trampling people and in a quick glance I saw the Boss platform came down in splinters as the horses rushes it. Blood slickened the feet of many as they rushed to the buildings adjacent the square—what a small protection that’d be against Leviathan. A wall man went stumbling over the wall’s ledge and his body met the ground beneath the hanging corpses and he didn’t get up.
In the wild fray, Maron fired the shotgun into the air, and I briefly thought of where the pellets might fall.
Finally, artillery fire came and put a hole in the creature. It wavered in the air, its head lurched downward like it might pierce the ground and it pulled its long neck back and blew flames across the buildings. The heat was immaculate. Rotted chicken filled my lungs.
“There’s more!” shouted a wall man above, “Running across the field.”
The crowd grew more enamored with escape; there’s no good way to say it—blood frothed around our heels as I was shoved through the avenues of elbows, rocking heads, plunging knees. I pushed on, shielding myself with my bound hands as well as I could. I kept my head as high, and felt scratches reach my throat—doubtlessly those which could not continue—nails and fists came from every direction. In the ephemeral madness, I too screamed and it did not stop until I spilled into an alleyway along the wall nearest the execution chains. I ran and tripped from the crowd, slid, and bit my tongue so thoroughly that my teeth clicked together though the tissue; my breath was knocked from me. My pants were wet from the viscera. Others too had found the opening and barreled past me. I went to my feet and panted thought the pain, through the twinge in my left knee. I took the walls for support and still, those which rushed past nearly knocked me from my feet.
Some poor child—a lean, bony-faced boy—fell in the rush and before I had a moment to reach out, he was gone. Whether he lived or not, I did not stop to know. The crunch of bones as more people spilled into the narrow stretch indicated the worst.
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