Apologies for the absolutely insane number of words, got carried away trying to compensate for being slower than usual with my recap.
The cold open for the finale has a nice little parallel to the cold open in S1E2, which similarly has Deborah walk in to Marty who’s in a somewhat compromising position with his trainer to deliver good news, although in this case her news is something they both celebrate, rather than a win she uses to gloat over Marty
Even though she’s in a much less combative place with Marty, Deborah still isn’t willing to admit that she came over to tell him the news in person and insists that she’s only there to return the key, showing the limited extent to which she is willing to open up even to people she’s known for a long time.
Deborah and Marty doing the tango together to basically celebrate the news is quite cute and a fun way to kick off the episode
I do think it’s kind of sweet that Kathy is quite looking forward to Deborah’s visit, and J Smith Cameron plays up Kathy’s somewhat childlike excitement at this during the opening of the phone call
Nice to see Deborah making an effort to follow up after inviting Kathy for Christmas, committing to a sister’s weekend is a not insignificant step although it also becomes clear that she’s not 100% committed to it. Waiting for Kathy to call and then tell her there’s a change in plans instead of just straight up telling her isn’t a particularly nice thing to do
Deborah has a weird look on her face when Kathy brings up her parents at the mausoleum, which I initially thought was because she didn’t really like to reflect on the past, although on a rewatch it becomes clear it’s because she knows the truth about the mausoleum.
“She’s pivoting into being an adult” Found the way Kayla phrased this part of the child star to adult actor experience to be very funny. I guess the Bella Donaldson character is supposed to be a reference to people like Zendaya, Zac Efron and Selena Gomez (Cannes Best Actress winner!!???), Disney child stars who are trying to shed their past image and be taken as serious adult actors to varying degrees of success. Also the bit about getting awards buzz for an Aronofsky movie feels a bit like what happened/ was projected to happen with Sadie Sink and The Whale
Deborah watching her old Late Night tape and Ava seeing her do that is a nice callback to and reversal of S1E3, where it was Ava watching Deborah’s tape and discovering more about her past
I love Hannah Einbinder’s simple but sincere delivery of “I knew you would” as Ava, and the way Jean Smart lets just the tiniest smile play across Deborah’s lips in response to Ava’s belief in her
Ava being able to only write stuff for Deborah’s Late Night show and not any actual material of her own shows that even though it’s been a year plus since the S2 Finale she still has the same issue of Deborah being “the one with all the stories. What do I even have to say?”
Ava’s voice going up endearingly high when she says “This is gonna be amazing” is very cute, what a touching and lovely scene between Deborah and Ava showing the respect and admiration they have for each other. I’m sure that will continue for the rest of the finale!
How does a safe in the floor of the pool even work lol
Very fun comedy freaking out by Mark Indelicato as Damien, him becoming hysterical at the thought of becoming the new Marcus is hugely entertaining.
According to Hannah Einbinder and Jean Smart on Variety’s Award Circuit podcast, thy did shoot a scene for this episode where Marcus does tell Deborah that he’s leaving but it was cut from the episode. Honestly not sure what role Marcus will play next season and curious to see what the writers will do since it seems he’s going on a very different plotline than the rest of the show. If this was another show I’d say he’s being written out but from interviews and other behind the scenes material the cast and showrunners are fairly tight knit, so I’d imagine they’ll find a way which makes sense for Marcus to continue being around
Between this guest appearance as Bella Donaldson and the release of Lisa Frankenstein and Abigail, Kathryn Newton is quietly having a pretty cool 2024. She absolutely nails the passive-aggressive “nice” girl type that she’s asked to play here. Also the Zack and Cody mention is kind of neat since Newton starred along with Cole Sprouse in Lisa Frankenstein earlier this year, while the goat demon movie mentioned might possibly be a nod to Newton’s affinity for the horro horror adjacent genre?
Quite like this Jimmy/Kayla B plot, allows Meg Stalter to show a different/more emotional side to Kayla who’s usually just the very fun comedic relief. Her smiling nicely and trying to politely ward off Bella’s passive-aggressive “niceness” is such a deeply human character beat.
Deborah Margesson doesn’t quite have the same ring to it as Deborah Vance, so I guess that’s why she didn’t go back to her maiden name after the divorce.
Deborah moving her parent’s remains to Vegas and not telling Kathy for twenty plus years is absolutely deranged behaviour. “It was a corner plot” and “I used my art shipper!” are ridiculously bad responses to the situation, this being the last straw for Kathy is very understandable. Although in Deborah’s defence I guess the fact that she was willing to accompany Kathy to the mausoleum for what she knows to be a completely empty gesture is her deranged way of showing care for her sister and not wanting to hurt her feelings.
Also in hindsight Deborah lying to/not telling Kathy about their parents to avoid hurting her feelings and any conflict is good foreshadowing since that pretty much turns out to be what she does regarding Ava and the head writer job
Deborah’s look of absolute disdain/confusion after hearing the “going to the hardware store for milk” line is gold from Jean Smart
I think Kathy’s reaction to Deborah here and deciding that she’s had enough of her BS and not wanting to put herself through even more hurt in attempting to maintain a relationship is completely reasonable, really liked J Smith Cameron’s work here, as well as Jean Smart playing Deborah’s silent acceptance of this relationship blowing up yet again
Deborah standing alone in the mausoleum is a great shot
Kathy’s reaction to Deborah’s BS here serves as a great contrast to how Ava deals with Deborah’s BS later on in the episode, it truly takes someone special/equally deranged to want to continue being with Deborah despite all her flaws and the hurt she causes to those around her. To use some internet parlance, Kathy is unwilling to put up with Deborah’s freak, while Ava ends up being more than willing to match Deborah’s
Lewis Benton/ fake John Oliver’s line to Ava about her being the hardest-working person in the office is a nice reminder of how working with Deborah has changed Ava for the better in some ways by giving her a stronger work ethic
“Maybe our paths will cross again” Just speculating here, and maybe this would be too inside baseball of a storyline for a show that initially at least was about two people on the “outside” of the entertainment industry, but might there be a future storyline of Deborah competing against fake John Oliver for an Emmy? A recent Emmy rule change starting from the Emmys earlier this year means that Oliver no longer competes with the more traditional Late Night shows like Colbert, Kimmel, Meyers, The Daily Show etc prior to that this had been the case for the past ten or so years
Kayla being the funny one growing up as a defense mechanism against bullies like Bella is such a great character detail on the part of the writers, makes so much sense and explains so much about Kayla’s outlook and attitude
This conflict is so great because both Jimmy and Kayla do have a point. Obviously Jimmy standing up for Kayla who’s being bullied is a good thing for him to do as a friend, but Kayla’s also not wrong in feeling that Jimmy is kind of ignoring her work and being a bit patronising. Really liked how Meg Stalter plays Kayla’s hurt feelings in this scene, it’s a well-executed emotional beat for a generally comedic character. And this continues the throughline about whether Jimmy has what it takes/enough stones and guts to be in the business which was also seen in the back part of S2
Quite liked the scene between Deborah and Biff Cliff (what a name!), a pretty sobering reminder of the obstacles faced by women in entertainment and just how precarious making it in the business actually is, makes complete sense that it would spook Deborah to do what she does later on
I thought the Jimmy Page dating a 14 year old story was meant to be a jab and Jerry Seinfeld and his 17 year old girlfriend, but googled and found out that that was a true story too
I feel like the bit Ava has as a writer taking new headshots and the different treatment they receive compared to actors must be drawn from the real-life experiences of the writers/showrunners, it’s such a specific joke. That said I think if you asked a layperson to tell who’s a writer and who’s an actor from this Deadline photoshoot I think they’d be hard pressed to tell the difference (very complimentary).
Ava sharing her excitement over her “dream job” as head writer for Deborah with a random make-up artist is very endearing, and just makes what happens later on even more crushing
Deborah going to the exec meeting and slowly realising just how much is being invested in her is a great bit of reaction acting from Jean Smart, and further helps reinforce the pressure she’s under and explains her choices
Quite liked the scene of Deborah telling Ava that the network doesn’t want her as head writer, on first watch it seems like Deborah is just worried about how to break the bad news to Ava and let her down easy, but on rewatch it feels so obvious that Deborah is just lying through her teeth to Ava and struggling with it big time.
Jimmy’s “proposal” to Kayla on the plane is such a great comedic setpiece/skewing of the rom-con trope, everything from the overly-excited passenger who completely misreads the situation to Jimmy kneeling because the flight attendant says there’s no standing in the aisle is just perfect.
It’s also just a really good way to cap off the season long plot involving Jimmy and Kayla, we’ve seen throughout the season that they make a very good thing and that Kayla’s kind of a genius at this in her own unique way, very satisfying to see Jimmy finally recognise this and promote her. Jimmy and Kayla’s mentomentee relationship serves as a healthy contrast to Deborah and Ava,with Jimmy as a mentor who recognises the mentee’s contributions and is willing to make compromises (see his acceptance of Kayla’s three funny videos a day)
Jimmy’s voice going up absurdly high when he says “Leave us alone!!!” and “What is your deal” is fantastic comedic work from co-showrunner Paul W Downs, he’ll get Writing and Series Emmy nominations this year, but he should really be getting one for Supporting Actor too.
I guess if you want to nitpick you could say Ava running into Winnie is a very convenient thing to move the plot along, but I choose to look at is as a reminder that Ava has moved on up in the world since the end of S2 and is now at a place where she can get takeout from fancy places where a high-level network head might also dine
Ava’s look of betrayal and anger after realising that Deborah lied to her is great work from Hannah Einbinder
Deborah is reading a Churchill biography when Ava storms in
My god, Ava confronting Deborah is just a perfect perfect scene, the writing is so sharp and Jean Smart is fantastic at playing Deborah going into ice/hardened mode when being confronted, but what a tremendous performance by Hannah Einbinder. She just captures the mixture of betrayal, hurt and anger that Ava feels so naturally and powerfully
There’s so many callbacks and references to previous Deborah/Ava confrontations and scenes from across the show. Ava accusing Deborah of just doing the same thing is from their very first meeting S1E1 where she calls her a hack as well as from their argument in S1E10 when she calls her the same thing. The line about being “a shark or whatever” comes from S2E5 which is what Deborah’s retired comedian friend Susan describes her as, with Deborah later then telling Ava that “You’ve got to be a shark” at the end of S2E8. And Deborah’s advice to Ava to be ambitious and saying that she feels lonely when opening a champagne bottle comes from S3E5 (take that people who said the woods episode was pointless filler).
“You can be the woman behind the man behind the woman” What an unappealing job description, and also a sign of how far Ava has comes since the S2 finale when she was unwilling to take the credit for writing Deborah’s special. Now her time away from Deborah has allowed Ava the space to truly value herself, her achievements and be justifiably proud of them (she stresses her job at On The Contrary to Deborah back in S3E1 and stresses her co-producer role when in bed with Christina Hendricks in S3E6), and she’s no longer willing to accept this demotion and wants credit for her work.
“You’re already making decisions out of fear and you’ll keep doing it” A really cutting observation from Ava which completely nails what Deborah is doing, much like how she immediately clocks in S2E8 that Deborah is pushing her away because she’s afraid.
“It has to work. I’ve lost way too much for it not too” Deborah’s sentiment applies equally to Ava as it does to herself, and helps explain just why Ava would go to the the extremes she does later on
As much as the dialogue in the scene is great, this Deborah and Ava argument also hits hard because of the silent moments in between. The wordless ten seconds or so which rests entirely on Ava after Deborah says that she’s willing to lose her is just tremendous stuff from Hannah Einbinder, all the hurt plays across her face and Einbinder is simply terrific in making the audience feel the deep hurt and sense of betrayal of that moment
Ava saying that Deborah will die alone is something that Deborah has thought about before, saying back in S1E9 in her interview with a journalist that she accepts the truth that people leave the world completely alone and refuses to pretend otherwise
One Last Time - Deb’s Final Stand Up is the track which plays as the big Deborah/Ava argument scene closes out according to Shazam, with the track (that played in the S1 Finale) taking on a whole new meaning in this context. The soundtrack isn’t a big selling point of the show unlike something like say Succession, but the themes by Carlos Rafael Rivera are simple but always effective
Jimmy taking a selfie in his new office is quite cute, and him saying that he didn’t do it alone and comforting Ava at the end of this scene is a much needed nice beat after the intensity of the previous scene
“shows that already exist with one tiny tweak, or huge global hits” Honestly a pretty depressing but frankly accurate read of the current media/television landscape
Jimmy saying that he knows Ava will do the right thing brings to mind these Deborah lines to Ava from the previous episode “It’s so easy for you to say what’s right or wrong. It’s never that simple. One day you’ll understand that” Ava’s move of blackmailing to get Deborah to do right by her certainly falls into the “never that simple” category
Curious about the politics/legal behind the scenes stuff that needed to be cleared to have Deborah be the host of a CBS late night show in the world of Hacks, while Hacks the actual show is under Warner Bros. Discovery which does not own hacks. I guess in this universe Deborah gets the Late Late Show timeslot instead of Taylor Tomlinson with After Midnight
Deborah’s left Vegas but the vanity plate for her car will continue to follow her and be updated
Deborah excitedly taking a photo of her Host parking spot is very cute, but the beat immediately after when we see a hint of her being sad and uneasy/regretful is also great, she’s achieved her dream but at great personal cost, and has no one to share the photo and moment with
It’s been a central thesis of the show that Deborah and Ava are ultimately more alike than different despite their different ages, backgrounds etc. Even in S1E2 the antiques dealer says that Deborah and Ava are “the same” and are “both psychotic b*tches”, and in episode after episode we see just how alike they are. For example in S2E2 after Deborah finds out about the email she says that Ava is just like her, being equally cruel and selfish. Ava blackmailing her abusive boss so that she can continue to work with her is just a completely insane thing to do, and also very much something Deborah would do herself to help her career, as we saw back in S1E5 when Deborah blackmailed Marty to secure her dates at the Palmetto
This move also shows just how much Ava has learnt from Deborah and how much the student has learnt from the master. Ava takes Deborah’s advice from S2E8 to be a shark, and her advice from S3E5 to “concentrate on what’s best for you”. It’s also ends up becoming a twisted version of Ava saying that she won’t leave Deborah in that same episode too, with Ava resorting to blackmail to stay with Deborah. And Ava finally does what she said back in S2E8, which is that “I get to decide what’s best for me”. I love love love the layers to this show!
I love love love the cocky and slightly confident/smirking Ava that we get a brief glimpse of from this scene, coupled with the power suit she’s rocking it makes for such a satisfying moment as she gets one up over Deborah after being on the back foot previously
We’ve seen a different and more vulnerable side of Deborah this season in S3E5 and S3E7, and seen her be like a fangirl in S3E4, but this scene and her stepping up to Ava and slightly seething as she says “You wouldn’t” is a nice reminder that she can be absolutely terrifying when she wants to be
That tiny tiny little gulp that Hannah Einbinder does when/just after Ava says “I would” is so so good, Ava’s standing up to Deborah but Deborah is still one very scary person. Also really love her cocking her head to one side as she says “Wouldn’t you?”
This has already been pointed out on Twitter, but Deborah and Ava sitting apart in the writer’s room at the end is kind of like the pepper shakers which Deborah rearranged to be apart in S3E1. Also a nice contrast to S3E8 when they were sitting apart as Ava was reporting the journalist’s article to Deborah, even despite them sitting separately they were still very close emotionally, but now the physical distance between them is reflective of the division between them as friends/colleagues
Spoilers for Succession S2E10: This Hacks finale is very reminiscent of the Succession S2 Final This Is Not For Tears. In both episodes the older mentor who’s been trying to teach their protege/successor to be harder and tougher ends up being too good at their job and get betrayed by their mentee in a stunning rug pull moment, even though for much of the season it seems the mentee is perfectly content working undefor their mentor. It’s a plot twist that’s both completely shocking in the moment yet makes so much sense when looking back on the season and the series as a whole. And of course the finale ends on a shot of the older mentor as they take in what their mentee has done, with a mixture of anger but also just the slightest hint of pride and begrudging admiration
This final twist in the finale of Ava blackmailing Deborah is so so good and satisfying, does what great season finales do which is deliver a “twist” that feels like a gut punch initially but has actually been building over the season, and sets up a really juicy scenario/ status quo for next season
Ava blackmailing her way to head writer on Deborah’s show is such a juicy scenario to leave things for Season 4, Ava has never had power over Deborah like she does now and I’m personally very much looking forward to how that changes their dynamic next season
My only concern is that I do hope the Vegas aspect and the characters from that part of the Hacks universe don’t get left behind with the focus shifting to running a Late Night show. If there is something to ding this season of the show it’s that there’s not enough Kiki, I’m not smart enough to figure out how a Vegas casino dealer will be able to regularly show up in LA but I selfishly want the writers to figure that out because Poppy Liu is just too fun as Kiki to leave out. Also kind of curious as to how they’ll keep Marcus around since he’s now leaving Deborah’s QVC empire.
Overall a really really great season finale and a very strong season as a whole, easily the best Comedy of the year and one of the best shows of the year. Really rooting for the show to win big prizes at the Emmys later this year against the Bear although that will be tough, pulling hard for Jean Smart and Hannah Einbinder to win and for the show to at least win Writing if it can’t win for Comedy Series. Also would be very happy if Meg Stalter and Paul W Downs got their first-time noms this year, they were both great this season

This machine sits in front of our local antique store, but is largely in good condition minus years of sun bleaching. It appears to still vend as well, since some items show ‘sold out’ while others do not. Current vend price is set to $2 per soda bottle.

Sharing another win here- my biggest win yet. For months I've been dreading being a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding after developing agoraphobia (after my first panic attack). Now, I'm in another state, went to her rehearsal dinner, and the wedding is tomorrow! Before coming here I had done some really small things to work myself up to it. I went to a small antique shop down the road, I went to my friend's gender reveal party with a trusted person (who could take me home immediately if needed), and now... I'm almost 3 hours away from home, laying in a hotel bed as I type this. There were a few things that worked for me and got me to this point. I'll share them.
The first was recognizing that my anxiety could not kill me. As much as I hate the feeling, as much as I hate panic attacks, they cannot kill me. Yes they suck, yes I would rather not have them, but if I go through them, the worst that happens is panic, and eventually- whether that means waiting until I get to a safe space like home or waiting until it passes, it DOES pass.
The second was realizing that I am more than just my feelings of panic. Now this requires a bit of spirtuality (I'm not religious, just spirtual). I am more than the feelings of panic. I am more than this body, and even the things I experience in this body. The anxiety I feel? Is something my body experiences, yes, but it's not me. And just like everything I experience in this life, it's a small part of my experience, but not who I am. I am bigger than these feelings of panic.
And finally, I had to re-frame the way I looked at my anxiety. My agoraphobia very much stems from my need for control. Panic attacks make me feel like I'm losing control, which is terrifying. I'm overwhelmed by feelings and emotions I can't control. I feel like I may not be able to control myself on the outside and I'll embarrass myself or cause a scene. But I CAN control how I react to those feelings. Instead of clinging to every panicked thought, I go "okay, I feel this way, now let it pass". I can control that small part, and it makes me feel more in control and thus less panicked.
Other things that helped me:
Stim toys. I bought an anxiety ring where I just twirl around little metal beads, for example. I also bought a worry stone made of howlite. I carried both with me.
I prepared heavily before this. I brought familiar snacks and drinks so I could feel a little more safe, a bit more at home. I had a bottle of water which I drank constantly on my ride here (this is one of my anxious behaviors- just drinking water constantly). I brought anxiety meds, but decided to only take them if I absolutely needed to, and to otherwise let myself feel the fear and move through it.
Also, not recommending this as it's not the safest or legal lol, but my friend had the backseat of her car pushed down and had a whole cozy set up in the back with blankets and pillows so I felt like I was laying in a bed instead of in a car 😂 That helped me feel a bit less panicked about the "stuck in a car for almost 3 hours" bit.
I've only struggled with agoraphobia since November of last year, so I know there are others who have it way harder than me, who have struggled for a lot longer, but this is what has helped me. I hope it helps someone out there too.

1. As she opened the mysterious letter, her eyes widened, and a secret from her past threatened to unravel her present.
   
2. "Why do you always wear that locket?" he asked, unknowingly opening a door to a hidden chapter in her life.
   
3. The old bookstore had an unusual policy – customers could exchange a personal story for a book instead of money.
   
4. In the bustling city, a street musician's melody sparked an unexpected connection between two strangers.
   
5. "The abandoned amusement park at midnight is the only place where wishes come true," the old man whispered to the curious teenager.
   
6. As the protagonist walked through the enchanted forest, the trees began to whisper secrets about their ancient guardians.
   
7. The protagonist discovered an old journal with entries eerily mirroring their own experiences, raising questions about time and reality.
   
8. "I've never seen anyone laugh like that," he observed, unknowingly planting the seed for an unlikely friendship.
   
9. In a world where emotions materialize as colorful auras, she struggled to hide her true feelings from the prying eyes around her.
   
10. As the clock struck midnight, the abandoned carnival rides came to life, offering a magical escape for the sleepless teenager.
    
11. The protagonist stumbled upon a forgotten library where books recorded the untold stories of every person's dreams.
    
12. "If you had one wish, what would you change about the world?" she asked, unknowingly unlocking a hidden power within him.
    
13. The protagonist received a letter from their future self, detailing the choices that would shape their destiny.
    
14. The eccentric old man in the park claimed to have a map leading to a parallel universe hidden within the city.
    
15. "In this town, every mirror has a memory," the mysterious stranger warned, leaving the protagonist intrigued and wary.
    
16. The protagonist's reflection started showing glimpses of a parallel life, raising questions about reality and existence.
    
17. A peculiar antique shop offered items that seemed to possess memories of their previous owners.
    
18. The protagonist discovered a hidden room in their house, filled with letters detailing the lives of the home's previous occupants.
    
19. "Why do you always sit on that bench?" she asked, unraveling a tale of lost love and second chances.
    
20. The protagonist stumbled upon a forgotten camera that captured moments from the future, creating a dilemma of choices.
    
21. The abandoned carnival ticket held a secret code that led to a mysterious door in the heart of the city.
    
22. "If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be?" she asked, opening a portal to unexpected encounters.
    
23. The protagonist's reflection started offering advice, blurring the lines between self-awareness and external guidance.
    
24. A peculiar shop sold dreams bottled in colorful jars, each containing a unique adventure waiting to be experienced.
    
25. The protagonist found an old letter in the attic, detailing a forgotten family curse and the key to breaking it.
    
26. As the protagonist explored the ancient ruins, they discovered an artifact that unlocked the language of the forgotten civilization.
    
27. The protagonist stumbled upon a time capsule that seemed to predict future events, causing a ripple in the fabric of reality.
    
28. "Write down your biggest fear and burn it," the mysterious stranger instructed, offering unexpected liberation.
    
29. The abandoned lighthouse held a journal chronicling the stories of ships lost in a storm that never seemed to end.
    
30. The protagonist's shadow started behaving independently, harboring secrets of its own.
    
31. In a world where memories were currency, the protagonist faced the dilemma of spending or saving their most precious recollections.
    
32. A peculiar clock in the antique shop counted down to significant moments in the protagonist's life.
    
33. The protagonist received a letter from their future self, urging them to make a seemingly insignificant choice that would change everything.
    
34. A mysterious melody played on an old piano summoned long-forgotten memories in the protagonist's mind.
    
35. The protagonist discovered a hidden portal in their backyard, leading to a parallel world where everything was inverted.
    
36. "Write a letter to your future self," she advised, sparking introspection and self-discovery.
    
37. A peculiar mirror reflected the protagonist's desires, creating a dilemma between fantasy and reality.
    
38. As the protagonist wandered through a mystical garden, flowers whispered the secrets of their past lives.
    
39. The protagonist's dreams started bleeding into reality, blurring the lines between waking and sleeping hours.
    
40. In a town where everyone wore masks, the protagonist uncovered the truth hidden behind the façades.
    
41. The abandoned train station held echoes of untold stories, waiting to be unraveled by an inquisitive mind.
    
42. The protagonist found an old map that led to a forgotten library containing books written by those who never existed.
    
43. A peculiar compass pointed not to directions but to moments in time yet to unfold.
    
44. As the protagonist explored an ancient attic, they discovered a box containing letters from a future version of themselves.
    
45. The protagonist received a key in the mail with no indication of what it unlocked, triggering a quest for hidden doors.
    
46. In a world where colors represented emotions, the protagonist discovered the existence of a forbidden hue.
    
47. The protagonist found an old typewriter that typed messages from the past, present, and future.
    
48. A mysterious phone booth allowed the protagonist to communicate with their past and future selves.
    
49. As the protagonist sifted through old photographs, they discovered a camera that captured moments from parallel universes.
    
50. The protagonist stumbled upon a room where forgotten dreams were kept, waiting to be rediscovered.
    
51. A peculiar mirror revealed reflections not of the present, but of potential futures.
    
52. The protagonist found an old radio that transmitted messages from a dimension beyond time.
    
53. In a world where whispers materialized as tangible objects, the protagonist discovered a room filled with unspoken secrets.
    
54. The protagonist received a letter from their past self, offering guidance on navigating upcoming challenges.
    
55. As the protagonist explored an ancient library, books whispered the stories of those who had read them before.
    
56. A peculiar clock displayed not the current time but moments from the protagonist's future.
    
57. The protagonist found an old notebook that seemed to predict their thoughts before they were written.
    
58. In a town where everyone wore masks, the protagonist discovered a mirror reflecting their true self.
    
59. The protagonist received a mysterious key that opened doors not to physical spaces but to memories.
    
60. As the protagonist explored an abandoned mansion, they discovered a room filled with forgotten aspirations.
    
61. A peculiar painting in the attic changed its scenes, offering glimpses into the protagonist's possible futures.
    
62. The protagonist found an old journal that seemed to chronicle events that hadn't happened yet.
    
63. In a world where shadows told stories, the protagonist discovered a room where secrets were kept in silhouette.
    
64. The protagonist received a letter containing detailed instructions on navigating a day that hadn't occurred.
    
65. As the protagonist explored an ancient forest, they discovered trees that whispered forgotten tales.
    
66. A peculiar compass guided the protagonist not to locations but to significant moments in their life.
    
67. The protagonist found an old tape recorder that played messages from a parallel reality.
    
68. In a world where doors led not to rooms but to memories, the
    

🔒 2FA enabled for your pleasure! 🔒
WOOOOO BOY! I had an interesting week! I was trying to pour a 20ozt VECNA statue for someone and my flask exploded, pouring 2200'F molten silver all over the place! YAY! It also cooked my flask completely and ruined my work surface!!! :) You know what that means ..

FIRE SALE!!!

Orders placed BEFORE 10pm Arizona time, 5/31/24, will get 15% OFF.
Orders placed between 10pm Arizona time and 10am Arizona time the following morning will get 10% OFF.
Orders placed starting at 10am Arizona time 6/1/24 will get 5% OFF!
Header image : https://imgur.com/a/fiyah-elQQ41s
Proof Gallery : https://imgur.com/a/5-31-24-glass-panther-LiEt2Sl

ADOLESCENT GMO FIGHTING TORTOISES (a.k.a. TMNT)

TURTLE HEADS - BACK ::: First off ... YES, I know I only have three heads here. They are all the same (Leonardo) so there was no point in showing four of them. These radical heads are each a 2+ozt pour and are all made by hand in .999 Fine Silver. Asking $85.00 each!
GOOD VS EVIL Round - BACK ::: Featuring the logo of the HAMATO Clan (Splinter) on one side, and the FOOT Clan (Shredder) on the other, these great 1ozt+ rounds, done in .999 Fine Silver, are PERFECT for coin tosses, or to use as a card protector, or to show to friends on EITHER side of the aisle when you do sneaky ninja stuff. Asking $42.50 each.
MANHOLE COVER ::: Coming in at 2+ozt of .999 Fine Silver, and shipping in an Airtite for protection, this classic rendition of the well known manhole cover is antiqued for realism and ready to display! It's the same on the front and back. Asking $90.00 each!
OOZE CANISTER ::: The famous OOZE canisters from TGRI (TMNT the Movie 2), done in pure .999 Fine Silver and weighing 1ozt, this is one of the more unusual, but surprisingly cool, pours I've done! Entirely modelled by hand, by me, and poured at Panther HQ! Asking $42.50 each!
PIZZA STACKER - BACK ::: Another GREAT 2ozt pour - this stackable round features a totally tubular pizza on the front, and the (modified) logo on the back! .999 Fine Silver, of course! Asking $80.00 each!
CASEY JONES MASK - BACK - ALT ::: INSTANTLY becoming my favorite pour of all time, this tricky little bugger wasn't easy to make, but I got it done and I think it looks GREAT! Weighing ~2ozt of .999 Fine Silver, you won't see those copycats in Niue coming out with this any time soon! Asking $100.00 each!

::: ZELDA POURS :::

GALLERY : https://imgur.com/a/Qy56kXQ
HYLIAN SHIELD ::: These weigh 2+ Troy Ounces and are hand poured. These STACK, too! ::: $80.00 each
MIRROR SHIELD ::: These weigh 2+ Troy Ounces and are hand poured. ::: $80.00 each
SHEIKAH SLATE ::: For some stupid reason I neglected to take pictures of the back of these fully dimensional and highly accurate slates! These make GREAT keyfobs, too! These weigh 2+ Troy Ounces and are hand poured. ::: $80.00 each
LOGO CARD PROTECTOR ::: (Apologies for the terrible picture ... I need to take a better one!) Here's a BEEFY 2ozt+ CARD PROTECTOR (for you poker players!) featuring the Sheikah Sigil on one side, and the famous Z logo on the other! Asking just $80.00 each
MASTER SWORD ::: These weigh 2+ Troy Ounces and are hand poured. Epic! ::: $90.00 each
ZELDA NES Carts - ZELDA N64 Carts - ZELDA GAMEBOY Carts ::: 2+ Troy Ounces, HIGHLY detailed, and with the LABEL OF YOUR CHOICE! ::: $80.00 each w/FREE GOLD PLATING as needed!
RUPEES ::: Fantastic little RUPEES made of pure .999 Fine Silver! Each weighs 1+t.oz and are all made by hand! They are just $42.50 each!
MASTER COMBO ::: Includes a Master Sword and a Hylian Shield, along with the display base, for just $170.00
SAVIOR OF HYRULE COMBO - Alternate Pic ::: Includes one of my .999 Fine Silver Master Swords and one Shield of your choosing, as well as a GOLD PLATED NES/SNES/N64 Zelda Cart of your choosing and ONE Rupee (I know two are shown... sigh) ... That's SEVEN+ total Troy ounces of .999 Fine Silver and includes the stand for display! Each Savior of Hyrule Combo can be yours for just $290.00!

::: PURE SILVER TRADING CARDS :::

Pokemon - FIRST EDITION CHARIZARD : VIDEO ::: 4.6+ Troy Ounces of .999 Fine Silver, full scale and absolutely BEAUTIFUL. Each card ships with a Serial Numbered Certificate of Authenticity! $250.00 each

::: ARTIFACTS :::

BIG MEGALODON TOOTH ::: Beautifully antiqued and exquisitely detailed! This .999 FINE SILVER tooth weighs over 100 grams (over 3 troy ounces) and is definitely a conversation starter! ::: $135.00 each ... Also available in a 1ozt version for $45.00!
THE DERRINGER ::: One of my all time FAVORITE pours - this 1:1 scale Derringer was modeled off a REAL period piece and is actual size! Made of solid .999 Fine Silver, this beefy piece weighs in at over 7.5 t.oz of solid girth! A difficult piece to make, but worth it! ::: $325.00 per pew pew!
VELOCIRAPTOR CLAW as seen (and modelled, 1 to 1) being wielded by Dr. Alan Grant to scare small brats in the famous film Jurassic Park, this is a BEAST of a pour, and beefy too!!! Weighing in at roughly 7 troy ounces and absolutely as dangerous as it looks Asking $325 for this beast and is also available in a mini ONE OUNCE VERSION for $50.00!
NATIVE ARROWHEADS ::: Made of 1+ozt of pure .999 Fine Silver and blackened to resemble the Earth from which it was hewn, these would make GREAT wrapped pendants! Asking just $45.00 each!
T-REX SKULL ::: A RARE piece of the Glass Panther collection ... this smokin T-REX Fossil Skull pour is one of my coolest pieces! A beefy five ounces of pure silver, which has been blackened and then selectively buffed to make the skull pop out. A truly exquisite piece and only $225.00!

::: GHOSTBUSTERS :::

GALLERY : https://imgur.com/yTQgJJy
THE STAY PUFT MARSHMALLOW MAN - FRONT 2 - BACK ::: What did you do, Ray??? This thicc and fluffy boi tips the scales at just over 3 troy ounces of .999 fine silver! Asking $145 each!
ECTO-1 BARS - BACK ::: The iconic plate from the Cadillac Hearse driven by the men themselves as they sought to rid Manhattan of its ghost infestation! These are 1+ troy ounce bars and are just $42.50 each!
NO GHOST - BACK ::: The most recognizable symbol of the most heroic men in all of NYC! This classic logo is a true crowd pleaser and weighs just over 2 troy ounces of pure .999 fine silver! Asking $80 each!

::: THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY :::

GALLERY : https://imgur.com/fM58Lam
THE GUIDE ::: This great 2 ozt .999 Fine Silver pour was entirely designed and modelled by me based on the original book description. I figured it would look great with a slipcase, as well, so I made that too. I then hand paint the letters in gold and then buff the slipcase to give it a slightly weathered appearance. This was VERY fun to design! $80.00 each!
THUMBS UP ::: If you don't have an electronic thumb this is the next best thing! When you see the Vogon Constructor Fleet just hold this up in the air and hope you get picked up ... don't forget your towel, though! This 2ozt pour is $80.00 each!

::: FUTURAMA :::

GALLERY : https://imgur.com/xkbEvSw
BENDER - ALT ... Featuring a biteable shiny metal ass, a beer in one hand, and a cigar in the other, you can't go wrong with this great pour! Also includes a 3D printed resin base and is only $100 each!
SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY - VIDEO pour. This is a ONE ozt. pour and is a GREAT pocket carry or card protector! $45.00 each!
I WILL WAIT FOR YOU ::: This is one of the saddest scenes in television history and I STILL cry thinking about it. Seymour Asses, Fry's eternally loyal and faithful dog, who never gave up hope that his master would one day return for him ... I'm not crying YOU'RE crying. Just $45.00 each.
SLURM STACKERS ::: These great 2+ozt stackers interlock VERY well and are a truly unique addition to anyone's stack! $80.00 each!

::: FAR AWAY GALAXY :::

BESKAR SILVER ::: Available in a 2ozt size as well as a super clean 5+ozt size, these great bars are poured, cleaned, antiqued, and then hand finished with a special technique I developed which gives them a shimmery "crystalline" look ... Check out THIS VIDEO for an idea of the surface finish. It's quite nice! The 2+ozt bar is $90.00 each and the 5+ozt bar is OUT OF STOCK for a minute.
CARBONITE - ALT - BACK ::: Everyone's favorite scruffy looking nerf herder, forever immortalized via being frozen in carbonite for all to see. ... Available in either ANTIQUED or BRIGHT SILVER, and also available as a honkin' 10+ozt big bar at $400.00! The 2+ozt version will return soon!

::: FALLOUT POURS :::

GALLERY : https://imgur.com/RzQPlpq
VAULT 111 DOOR - BACK ::: Weighing in at 2+ troy ounces of .999 Fine Silver, this is a great and BEEFY little pocket carry! It was 100% modelled by me and these things look great stacked ::: Asking $80.00!
PIP-BOY - BACK - The 5t.oz and the 2t.oz PIP-BOY ::: Available in TWO SIZES - Either a 5+t.oz or a 2+t.oz this is one of my coolest pours ever. I really had fun making this work and I hope you enjoy owning it as much as I enjoy making it! 5+t.oz Pip-Boy is $250.00 each and 2+t.oz Pip-Boy is $80.00!
NOT AVAILABLE WHILE I RE-DESIGN IT ::: NUKA CAP STACKERS - BACK - STACKED
v2 PLATINUM CHIP - BACK ::: Made in .999 Fine SILVER (not platinum!) this is a GREAT little 1+t.oz coin for ANY fans of the franchise! These are solid antiqued to make them seem like they've been through some stuff! I've UPDATED the design to include a purity mark as well as a weight ... plus I emboldened the lines a bit to make it pop! Just $45.00!
NUKA COLA BOTTLE - BACK ::: Another popular request ... this thicc boi 2+ozt. pour came out surprisingly well! Yours for $80.00!
THIRST ZAPPER - BACK ::: I had a lot of fun modelling this! I'm not normally a fan of organic shapes but I took this as an opportunity to work on my Fusion360 organics skills. This was entirely modelled by me - I'm quite happy with it!!! :) Weighing in at 2+ozt - yours for $80.00!
VAULT BOY STACKERS - ALT ::: This is a GREAT stackable Vault Boy pocket carry! Weighing in at 2+ozt. pour each in .999 Fine Silver and only $80.00!
ROULETTE CHIP - BACK ::: HIGHLY requested, so here you go! Covered with tons of little details - from the morse code on both sides, to the little ball, and then some ... this epic 2+ozt pour is done in .999 FINE SILVER and ships in an Airtite for display! Asking just $100.00!

::: ALIENS :::

GALLERY : https://imgur.com/Gys9As6
XENOMORPH HEADS - ALT - ALT - ALT ::: They mostly come at night ... mostly ... These gorgeous and creeeepy Aliens pours are 2+ozt each of PURE .999 Fine Silver! Each is then antiqued by hand and are presented to you for $80.00 each
BUGSTOMPER (The Dropship) ROUND - BACK - PIC FROM MOVIE ::: Move it Spunkmeyer, we're rolling! Famous last words, but if you want one of the coolest pocket carries around and you know your trivia this round can't be beat! 2+ozt. of .999 Fine Silver ::: $80.00 each
M41A Plasma Rifle - LEFT - TOP - BOTTOM ::: Let me introduce you to a personal friend of mine! This is an M41A Pulse Rifle. 10mm with an over and under 30mm pump action grenade launcher. Feel the weight ... It is 2+ozt. of Antiqued .999 Fine Silver! Just $90.00!

::: STAR TREK POURS :::

TNG COMMS BADGE ::: These beefy little beauties are made with 2 Troy Ounces of .999 Fine Silver and are then electroplated with 24k gold. I then buff the gold off strategically and you are left with this absolutely GORGEOUS collectible! Get yours now for $90.00 each!
WORF'S BAT'LETH ::: After many people protested, I am keeping the Bat'leth available! This is a 1t.oz Pour ::: $60.00 each!
PICARD'S HORGA'HN - BACK ::: A horga'hn was a statuette that served as a fertility symbol on Risa, and represented the Risian symbol of sexuality. It came in many sizes, from small carvings to statues to a hotel with a giant horga'hn built into it. It was believed that to own one was to call forth its powers. Also used when seeking "Jamaharon" ::: 2+ troy ounces of .999 Fine Silver for just $80.00 each!
KLINGON INSIGNIA - BACK ::: Shown here beside my TNG Comms Badge pour, this great Klingon insignia is beefy and chunky at 2+ozt. "Cry HAVOC and let slip the dogs of war" for just $80.00 each.
Ferengi Gold Pressed Latinum SLIP - BACK ::: These are a GREAT complement to the STRIPS that I sell below ... Slips are ONE TROY OUNCE EACH of pure .999 Fine Silver and are just $45.00 a piece!

::: THE BIG N :::

GALLERY : https://imgur.com/LbXee8q
NES CONTROLLER :: This is a GREAT little pocket carry! It weighs 2+ troy ounces and is $80.00 each
🚨🚨🚨 SNES CONTROLLER :: This is a GREAT little pocket carry! It weighs 2+ troy ounces and is $80.00 each
N64 CONTROLLER :: This is a GREAT little pocket carry! It weighs 2+ troy ounces and is $80.00 each
NES Carts ::: 2+ Troy Ounces, HIGHLY detailed, and with the LABEL OF YOUR CHOICE! ::: $80.00 each (add $5 for gold plating)
N64 Carts ::: 2+ Troy Ounces, HIGHLY detailed, and with the LABEL OF YOUR CHOICE! ::: $80.00 each (add $5 for gold plating)
GAMEBOY Carts ::: 2+ Troy Ounces, HIGHLY detailed, and with the LABEL OF YOUR CHOICE! ::: $80.00 each (add $5 for gold plating)

::: POCKET CARRIES and PANTHER SPECIALTIES :::

GALLERY : https://imgur.com/Z9IeBNm
FUCK YOU PAY ME ::: The ORIGINAL FYPM pocket carry from Glass Panther! Weighing 1 troy ounce this is perfect for making decisions, or helping other people make the right decision! $45.00 each
POT LEAF ::: These are GREAT and everybody loves them! Two troy ounces of beefy .999 Fine Silver and these make an absolutely GREAT gift! These are $80.00 each
DICKBUTT - BACK ::: Back for a limited time? Who knows ... This great pour is 2+ troy ounces and is only $80.00
ANVILS ::: These are quickly becoming crowd favorites ... Shown here in TWO and TEN ounce versions ... They are BIG, BEEFY, and truly impressive. The 2+t.oz version is priced at $90.00 each and the 10+t.oz version is $400.00
THE PANTHER PIZZA - Gallery ::: 2 Troy Ounces of .999 Fine Silver that has been poured and designed in such a way as to make it possible to break it into individual 1/4 ounce slices! The full pie measures 55mm wide (a little over 2 inches) and is juuuust over 2 troy ounces. PIC - VIDEO of me Breaking One Apart ::: Each pie comes in a 55mm Airtite capsule! ::: These are $100.00 each
SHENRON THE DRAGON - BACK ::: A 100% designed and modelled in house, high relief coin featuring the powerful dragon Shenron! This epic coin weighs 2+ ozt and is made of .999 Fine Silver and ships in a clear Airtite capsule. Asking $90.00 each!
🚨🚨🚨 GRENADE ::: A truly unique FULLY 3D MODELLED beauty - poured in .999 Fine Silver and then blackened for effect! Available at a 2+ozt pour for $90.00 each, and also a 5+ozt version for $225.00!
🚨🚨🚨 SKYRIM SEPTIMS! These beefy coins were completely modelled by me (except for Tamriel's profile) and hand poured in my home foundry. Available in BRUSHED SILVER for $80.00 each or PLATED with 24k gold for $85.00 each!
🚨🚨🚨 THE BUSTER SWORD ::: Cloud's famous sword from one of the greatest games in one of the greatest franchises of ALL TIME ... Weighing in just over 2t.oz and absolutely a crowd pleaser! ::: $90.00 each
🚨🚨🚨 M1911 .45 Caliber Pistol Pour - ALT FINISH - SIDE ::: This is an ACCURATE and BEAUTIFUL representation of the classic M1911 pistol - Loaded with detail and made with care - it is a 5+ozt .999 Fine Silver Pour and is the PERFECT pour to bridge the gap between collections! Available in Bright Silver, ANTIQUED, and BLACKENED finishes for just $250.00 each!

::: THE ORIGINAL CHESS SET! :::

GALLERY : https://imgur.com/Z9IeBNm
FULL GAME SET w/BLACKENED or GOLD PLATED Set ::: Includes All Pieces Needed to Play as well as a Chessboard to play upon! Over 26 Troy Ounces of .999 Fine Silver : $1,300.00
A La Carte Pieces :
The KING or QUEEN : Over 1.5 Troy Ounces of .999 Fine Silver : $100.00 each
The BISHOP, KNIGHT, or ROOK : Over 1 Troy Ounces of .999 Fine Silver : $60.00 each
The PAWN : Over 0.5 Troy Ounces of .999 Fine Silver : $45.00 each
ONE OF EACH Set ( A King, Queen, Bishop, Rook, Knight, and Pawn ) : Over 6.5 Troy Ounces of .999 Fine Silver : $400.00 each

PAYMENT / SHIPPING

USA RISKY SHIPPING IS FREEEEEEE!!! Once the USPS scans it I am absolved of responsiblity. If you'd like to pony up for insurance, etc, let me know and we can work something out!
NOW OFFERING CANADA SHIPPING starting at $15.00!
I take ZELLE / VENMO & CASHAPP ... and BULLION TRADE ... but Zelle is strongly preferred
🔒 2FA enabled for your pleasure! 🔒
Posted at 4:30pm Arizona time, 5-31-24

I am a descendant of Charles E Hires the creator of Rootbeer and the Hires company. My family has always loved collecting the vending machines, bottles and other antiques used for advertising. I know Keurig Dr.Pepper bought them out and discontinued the product. I remember being a kid and my Great grandfather giving us a Hires Rootbeer. He is now passed, but his passion for the family name has continued on. With that, I feel the likelihood of Keurig selling me the name is slim to none. I have the last name Hires, and I have a Rootbeer recipe. I know recipes can't be copyrighted, but how far can I go to "revive" the Hires name? I also know certain Copyrights can expire. Does a product name have a copyright? Is it possible I can just "use" the old Hires material without being sued by Keurig/Dr.Pepper? I have a bottler and distributor, just not a million dollars to purchase the rights. Thoughts? Opinions? Thank you!!

For those in Blacksburg, here's a rundown of 28 local events you can enjoy in Blacksburg and throughout the New River Valley as June arrives.
Weekend Rundown of Local Fun: 1. Matt Holloman in Concert Rising Silo Farm Brewery, Blacksburg Friday, May 31, 2024, 6:00 - 9:00 PM Admission: Free Born and raised in southeastern Virginia, Matt Holloman has been playing around Virginia for more than 25 years. Growing up on his older brother’s blues collection, Matt mixed the likes of Howlin' Wolf and Muddy Waters with the experimental sounds of songwriters like Leonard Cohen and Frank Black, creating a style all his own. Always interested in reinventing his live performance, Matt uses a looper so he can improvise and manipulate layers of sound not usually heard from an acoustic performer. You can also expect simple, but memorable songs, reminiscent of storytelling songwriters like John Prine and Bob Dylan. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=777075
2. Friday Nights at the Farm with Music from Jim Korb Beliveau Farm Winery, Blacksburg Friday, May 31, 2024, 6:00 - 9:00 PM Admission: Free Jim Korb is an acoustic musician and guitarist based in Southwest, VA and a member of the band Stonehouse. "Just a singer; a natural-born guitar ringer, playing and singing a mix of Classic Country, Eagles, CCR, Skynyrd, and a little bit of everything else from John Denver to The Blues." Beliveau welcomes a special musical guest every Friday night with live music from 6:30 PM to 8:30 PM and sing along to all of your favorite classics. Enjoy delicious food from their full service kitchen until 8:30 PM and chat over a glass of wine during our extended bar hours until 9:00 PM. Get a $5 Beliveau Buck to use during your next visit for every $50.00 you spend on Friday nights from 6:00-9:00 PM. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=777450
3. Pizza Roll (Bike Ride) Blacksburg Library, Blacksburg Friday, May 31, 2024, 6:00 PM - TBD Admission: Free The New River Valley Bicycle Association (NRVBA) presents a Pizza Roll starting at the Blacksburg Library. Enjoy a five mile bike ride on the Huckleberry Trail and through Virginia Tech's campus, followed by post ride pizza at Benny's provided by Trek Blacksburg. This is a NRVBA ride, meaning waivers are required and can be filled out on site. If you have never ridden with NRVBA before, your first ride is free. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=777778
4. The Grascals in Concert Little River Bluegrass Barn, Radford Friday, May 31, 2024, 7:00 - 10:00 PM General Admission: $30.00, Reserved Tickets: $35.00 Great musicians will always find a way to make good music, but for great musicians to make great music, they must form a bond – one that, more often than not, goes beyond the purely musical to the personal. For The Grascals, that bond has been forged at the intersection of personal friendships, shared professional resumes and an appreciation for the innovative mingling of bluegrass and country music that has been a hallmark of the Nashville scene for more than 40 years. Their cutting-edge modern bluegrass is delivered with a deep knowledge of, and admiration for, the work of the music’s founding fathers. Timely yet timeless, The Grascals make music that is entirely relevant to the here and now yet immersed in traditional values of soul and musicianship. It’s a unique sound that has earned three Grammy® nominations and two Entertainer of the Year awards from the International Bluegrass Music Association, as well as national media attention that seems to perpetually elude acts entrenched in niche genres. Such appearances include The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Fox & Friends, The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, and CBS’ The Talk. The Grascals have over 200 guest appearances on the Grand Ole Opry to their credit and have also performed on the revered stages of Radio City Music Hall, the Ryman Auditorium and the Kennedy Center as well as music festivals such as MerleFest, Stagecoach, and the CMA Music Festival. In addition to performing across the United States and Canada, the awarding-winning band has traveled the world to take bluegrass music to Japan, Greece, France, Germany, Switzerland, Norway, and Belgium. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=777777
5. Line Dancing at Sinkland Sinkland Farms, Christiansburg Friday, May 31, 2024, 7:00 PM - TBD Admission: $10.00 Join Sinkland Farms for a fun-filled night of line dancing. All types of music and all levels of experience welcome. Energetic, enthusiastic instruction begins at 8:00 PM. Adult beverages and food truck will be available for purchase. Weather permitting, there will be outdoor dancing as well. This event is fun for all. Ages 16 & under must be accompanied by an adult. Doors open at 7:00 PM. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778214
6. 2024 Pulaski County Spring Flea Market New River Valley Fairgrounds, Dublin Saturday, June 1, 2024 and Sunday, June 2, 2024, 7:00 AM - 5:00 PM Admission: $2.00, Kids 6 and Under: Free The Dublin Lions Club presents the 2024 Two-Day Pulaski County Spring Flea Market celebrating 49 years. With over 20,000 visitors and 800 vendors spaces, more than a dozen different food vendors offering varied food options and the chance to eat a few of the famous "Lion Dogs", you will not want to miss this event. Check out vendors with crafts, antiques and more at the semi-annual Pulaski County Flea Market. Expect to have a ton of fun hunting for that rare items or the deal of the century. Although over 100 spaces are under roof, it is a largely an outdoor event. All proceeds go to the Dublin Lions and their numerous community causes such as eyeglasses for the needy and hunger relief in the community. This is their primary fundraiser each year. The event is rain or shine and parking is free. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778201
7. Benefit Ride for Bubba Williston's Family KFC, Christiansburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 9:00 AM - 12:30 PM $15.00-$20.00 Donation per vehicle. The Benefit Ride for Bubba's Family will start and end at KFC. Registration begins at 9:00 AM with kickstands up at 10:30 AM. Help raise money for Bubba Williston’s family. Bubba lost his life on Thursday, April 11th after saving his boys. Bubba leaves behind a wife, Danielle and three small children, Brantley, Kyler and Aubree. Let’s come together as a community and help ease the financial burden. There will also be door prizes, raffle and 50/50 raffle. Lunch will be served following the ride and returning to KFC. All bikes, cars, trucks and all vehicles welcome. Snacks will be provided on ride and lunch and drinks afterward. All proceeds benefit Bubba's wife and his three children. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778242
8. Cabin Fever 12: Six Band Charity Event Cabin Fever, Pilot Saturday, June 1, 2024, 11:00 AM - 10:00 PM Adults: $10.00, Kids 13 & Under: Free Cabin Fever Charity Events presents their semi-annual charitable musical fundraiser event Cabin Fever 12 benefiting the Floyd County Humane Society in honor of Kevin Dodson. A family style buffet and t-shirts will also be available for purchase and there will be both a live and silent auction featuring donations from local businesses and our line-up of seven performers. 100% of the proceeds from all items will be donated to the Floyd County Humane Society. Music Performers include Chris and Chelsea, Seph Custer, Jake and Jess, The Good Ole Boys, The Flying Doves, Hoppie Vaughan and the Ministers of Soul and By All Means. The family style buffet is highlighted by the world class pulled barbecue provided by Cabin Fever friend Hamp Maxwell is $10.00 per person. Credit cards and personal checks will be accepted the day of the event. Pets and children are welcome. Bring your dog and a $25.00 donation will be made on your behalf. All donations made to Cavin Fever Charity are 100% tax deductible. The event is BYOB and lawn chairs are welcome. Parking is free. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778240
9. Summer Reading Kickoff Event Blacksburg Library, Blacksburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 11:00 AM - 1:00 PM Admission: Free Grab your chalk and head to the library to kick off our summer reading program. Enjoy activities like a chalk walk, face painting, bubbles, and a sweet treat. Available while supplies last. All ages are welcome. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=777959
10. Ride-A-Rescue Cornhole Tournament Bisset Park, Radford Saturday, June 1, 2024, 11:00 AM - TBD Tournament Entry: $25.00 per team, Spectators: Free Ride-A-Rescue and Winterfrost Farm presents their Ride-A-Rescue Cornhole Tournament. Ride-A-Rescue is a local, non-profit, equine rescue that is holding an epic Cornhole Tournament throwdown to raise funds and awareness for their rescue's operation and rescue horses. The Cornhole Tournament is a double elimination tournament and open to all ages. There will also be a Kids Corner open all day and food vendors on site. First, second and third place teams will win big prizes. Teams can battle back in the Losers Bracket for another shot at the championship. All participating teams will also be entered in a drawing for awesome bonus prizes. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=776144
11. Lazy, Crazy, Hazy Days of Summer JBR Vineyards LLC, Pearisburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 12:00 - 5:00 PM and Sunday, June 2, 2024, 1:00 - 5:00 PM Admission: Free Wine Pricing: Tasting: $5.00, Glass of Wine: $5.00, Bottles of Wine: $15.00-$20.00 plus tax Experience the lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer with a delightful afternoon of wine tasting. Savor fine wine in a relaxed and enjoyable atmosphere. Stroll through the vineyard with a glass of your favorite wine. Credit cards and cash accepted. Dogs and kids welcome. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778155
12. Annual Loyalists in the Backcountry Event Wilderness Road Regional Museum, Newbern Saturday, June 1, 2024 and Sunday, June 2, 2024, 12:00 - 4:00 PM Admission: Free Join the Wilderness Road Regional Museum for the Two-Day Annual Loyalists in the Backcountry Event and learn about both the Patriots and Loyalists in the Backcountry of Southwest Virginia during the Revolutionary War. There will be some mischief afoot. Living history will be presented by the Fincastle Company on both days. Members of the Fincastle Company Living History group will share the history of the complicated interactions of the Patriots, "rascally" Loyalists, Tories, and those trying to stay "unaffected" during the American Revolution. On Sunday, there will be expanded programming including kids activities and a mock round up of the Tories to recreate some actual events in and around the Newbern area during the Revolutionary timeframe to include conspiracies, counterfeiting, and rounding up of the rascals. The event is free, but donations are always welcome and appreciated. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778165
13. 2024 New Town Festival Gospel Sing St. Luke and Odd Fellows Hall, Blacksburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 12:00 - 6:00 PM Admission: Free The Blacksburg Museum & Cultural Foundation presents the 8th Annual New Town Festival Gospel Sing. The afternoon will be filled with dancing, singing and fellowship as five local groups and soloists perform their favorite current and old-time gospel favorites. Kirk’s BBQ will be onsite with food available for purchase. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778231
14. Speed Friending Program for Ages 20-45 Christiansburg Library, Christiansburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 1:00 - 3:00 PM Admission: Free Are you interested in meeting new people? Want to make friends in the area, but find it hard to make time? Join the library for a fun and free way to connect with others in the community. Speed Friending will start with a speedy round of conversation starters. Yes, similar to speed dating, questions and conversation will be available for those who need it. Hang around after to chat, enjoy snacks, play games, or make plans with new friends. There will also be door prizes. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778081
15. Saturday Afternoon Music with Leslie Brooks New River Vineyard & Winery, Fairlawn Saturday, June 1, 2024, 2:00 - 5:00 PM Admission: Free Leslie Brooks is a singer-songwriter, performing solo with guitar, playing jazz, folk, blues, rockin' country and popular favorites originally from Kentucky now resides in Virginia. She has played the best venues in a 16-state area, as well as in Norway and Monte Carlo. Opened for Heart, James Taylor, Bob Margolin and Willie Nelson to name a few. Feel to free to select your favorites from her 300-song music menu. Seating is first come, first served. No reservation required. Guests can bring a blanket and/or chair. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778088
16. Spring Garden Day and Flower Art Opening Montgomery Museum of Art & History Gardens, Christiansburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 2:00 - 4:00 PM Admission: Free This event will feature the "Flower Art in the Garden" Theme Show, showcasing the creativity of local artists. Participants were tasked with decorating "flat flower" templates, thoughtfully crafted by students at Blacksburg High School, which will be placed throughout the site. Participants were encouraged to incorporate native southwest Virginia plants into their artwork, resulting in a vibrant display that celebrates the region's natural beauty and artistic talent. In addition to the art exhibit, Spring Garden Day offers a wonderful opportunity for attendees to explore the Museum Garden with gardeners on-site to answer any questions. Visitors will also have the chance to engage with the Virginia Native Plant Society's plant clinic, Virginia Master Naturalists, and Virginia Master Gardeners, as several booths will be set up to provide information and insights into the rich botanical heritage of Southwest Virginia. Note: This event was originally scheduled for Saturday, May 4th, but was postponed due to inclement weather. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778241
17. Summer Arts Festival Free Classic Movies: Wizard of Oz Lyric Theatre, Blacksburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 3:00 - 4:45 PM Admission: Free The 2024 Summer Arts Festival kicks of the Free Classic Movies series featuring "The Wizard of Oz". The classic "Wizard of Oz" was originally released in 1939 with a rating of PG and stars Judy Garland, Frank Morgan, Ray Bolger, Bert Lahr and Jack Haley. Synopsis: Dorothy Gale along with her dog Toto is swept away from a farm in Kansas to a magical land of Oz in a tornado and embarks on a quest with her new friends to see the Wizard who can help her return home to Kansas and help her friends as well. The Summer Arts Festival is presented by Virginia Tech and the Town of Blacksburg. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778205
18. Grand Opening in Blacksburg J.H Bards Spirit Co., Blacksburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 4:00 - 9:00 PM and Sunday, June 2, 2024, 12:00 - 6:00 PM Admission: Free J.H Bards Spirit Co. has moved the distillery from Fairlawn to Blacksburg and can't wait to show you their new completely renovated digs. On Saturday, last call will be ~8:40 PM and on Sunday ~5:30 PM. Parking is available in the Kent Square parking deck, on-street anywhere downtown, or in the municipal lot directly across Washington Street from us. Enter the distillery off of Draper Road. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778076
19. 2024 Oldtown Nights Concert Series Kickoff featuring Miller Holler Band Oldtown Fields (Shawsville Middle School Rec Area), Shawsville Saturday, June 1, 2024, 5:30 - 9:00 PM Adults: $5.00, Ages 12 & Under: Free The Eastmont Community Foundation presents the 8th season of the Oldtown Nights Concert Series Kickoff featuring the Miller Holler Band with a large open green space that is family and children friendly. Miller Holler is a country rock band with southern roots and a hunger for going against the grain and stirring up the music industry in Nashville, Tennessee. Concessions and drinks including adult beverages for those ages 21 & up will be available for purchase. Please bring cash for tickets and beer sales. Only limited credit card sales available. Please bring your own chairs and/or blankets. No tents or umbrellas allowed. Ages 16 & under must be accompanied by an adult. No outside drinks and no pets permitted. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=774327
20. The Wild Wood Band in Concert Long Way Brewing, Radford Saturday, June 1, 2024, 6:00 - 9:00 PM Admission: Free Wild Wood is based in the New River Valley performing country, classic rock & country, folk, bluegrass and originals. Enjoy an old school sound and a very eclectic catalog of music with your favorite sing-along ballads and originals. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778071
21. Baxter Briefly in Concert Rising Silo Farm Brewery, Blacksburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 6:00 - 9:00 PM Admission: Free Baxter Briefly is a Roanoke, VA musician performing unique and original music in the alternative rock, nu-funk and indie realms. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778232
22. Stand Up Comedy Show with Headliner Heather Joyce Bull & Bones Brewhaus & Grill, Blacksburg Saturday, June 1, 2024, 8:00 - 9:30 PM Admission: $7.00 Comedians Gone Rogue presents a Stand Up Comedy Show with Headliner Heather Joyce in the Banquet Room. Headliner Heather Joyce will be joined by other amazing comediennes from across Virginia and one very strong and independent man. Other performers include: Andrew Gustafson, Katherine Rogue, Christinia Tynes, Chelsea McCreight and Amanda Fitz. The cover goes directly to the talent. For ages 18 & up. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778246
23. 2024 Huckleberry Jam Point-to-Point 8.1 Mile and 1.75 Mile Run / Walk Runabout Sports, Blacksburg Sunday, June 2, 2024, 6:45 - 11:00 AM 8.1 Mile Run: $40.00 (through June 1st), $45.00 (after June 1st) 1.75 Mile Run: $29.00 (through June 1st), $32.00 (after June 1st) Return Shuttle: $5.00 Runabout Sports presents the 4th Annual Huckleberry Jam Point-to-Point 8.1 Mile and 1.75 Mile Runs on the Huckleberry Trail with the 8.1 Mile Run starting at RunAbout Sports in Blacksburg, VA and the 1.75 Mile Run starting on the Huckleberry Trail in Christiansburg, VA at the gate by Uptown Christiansburg's Kohl's store with both runs finishing at the Christiansburg Rec Center. Race Day Registration & Packet Pickup is from 6:45-7:45 AM. The 8.1 Mile Race starts at RunAbout Sports at 8:00 AM. The 1.75 Mile Race starts on Huckleberry Trail near Kohl's side of Uptown Christiansburg at 8:30 AM. Both race distances are point-to-point courses finishing at the Christiansburg Rec Center. Two aid stations will provide water and Gatorade along the way. RunAbout Sports will be donating all net proceeds to the Friends of the Huckleberry Trail. The group uses 100% of donations and funding for the engineering and construction of the Huckleberry Trail and the amenities along the trail. Participants may purchase an add-on shuttle ticket for $5.00 per person when registering. If you have a ride from the Christiansburg Rec Center, you are not required to purchase a shuttle pass. All finishers will receive an engraved rail-road spike finisher award with overall awards for the top three male and female finishers. The top two finishers in each age group also receive awards. Spectators and those picking up runners from the finish may park in front of the Christiansburg Rec Center and walk to the back where the race finishes. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778200
24. 2024 Check Farm Trail Downtown Check, Check Sunday, June 2, 2024, 10:00 AM - 5:00 PM Admission: Free Floyd Country Tourism presents the 3rd Annual Check Farm Trail at seven participating farms and businesses throughout Check, Virginia. This family-friendly experience is an up-close chance to learn about agriculture through demonstrations, tastings and farm tours including plants & animals and more. Food and/or products will be available for purchase at most of the farms and businesses. Carpooling is encouraged and please leave pets at home. Note: Times and hours vary by farm and tour stop. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=778239
25. Youth Spaghetti Fundraiser Blacksburg United Methodist Church, Blacksburg Sunday, June 2, 2024, 12:00 - 6:00 PM Admission: $10.00 The Youth Ministry at Blacksburg United Methodist Church (BUMC) hosts a Youth Spaghetti Fundraiser. This fundraiser will offset cost associated with summer youth mission trip. BUMC’s youth will venture to the Eastern Shore of Virginia to Camp Occohannock on the Bay this summer. During the weeklong mission trip, the youth will work with Chesapeake Housing Mission. Grab lunch from 12:00-2:00 PM or dinner from 4:00-6:00 PM. The menu includes one serving of spaghetti (with or without ground beef), salad, garlic bread and choice of cookie (chocolate chip, sugar or snickerdoodle). For those unable to dine in, carryout will be available. Pre-ordering is available online. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=777765
26. Free Outdoor Acroyoga Class and Jam In Balance Yoga Studio @ VTCRC, Blacksburg Sunday, June 2, 2024, 12:30 - 2:30 PM Admission: Free Learn about the playful practice of Acroyoga in a safe environment. Acroyoga is a physical practice that combines yoga and acrobatics typically involving a base, a flyer, and spotter. No experience or partner is necessary. The first hour will be guided learning, followed by free form jam for an hour. This event will be held outdoors at the corner of Pratt Drive and Kraft Drive. The rain location will be In Balance CRC studio. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=777994
27. Book Club: Mr. Brightside's Italian Adventures with Discussion and Tasting Blacksburg Wine Lab, Blacksburg Sunday, June 2, 2024, 1:00 - 3:00 PM Admission: $40.00 Join the Wine Lab Book Club tasting & discussing featuring Mr. Brightside's Italian Adventures by Ryan Jacobson. After the success of his first humorous travel memoir, "The Adventures of Mr. Brightside", in which he traveled around the world exploring each country he visited on three different budget levels, Ryan Jacobson has now decided to tackle the country of Italy. Ryan travels to all of the Italy's twenty unique regions and splits his time in each by spending half his time on a low budget and half on a luxury budget before moving on to the next. Through the use of his humorous storytelling, Ryan shares what makes each of the regions so special and worthy of visiting. Reservations are required. Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=776425
28. Sunday Mountain Music Series Kickoff with Victor Lawson and the Boogie Chillin Band Mountain Lake Lodge, Pembroke Sunday, June 2, 2024, 4:00 - 6:00 PM Free Admission Mountain Lake Lodge presents their Sunday Mountain Music Series Kickoff with Victor Lawson and the Boogie Chillin Band. Victor Lawson and the Boogie Chillen Band have forged an identity as a good-time party band that plays the real deal blues and down in the mud rock ‘n roll and funk music as well. The tight three-man band takes their name from the song, “Boogie Chillen” which was made famous by late Delta blues icon, John Lee Hooker. From Tennessee to Virginia to West Virginia, in bars and saloons and restaurants and festivals, Victor Lawson and Boogie Chillen’s exuberant, joyful music has made the band one of the area’s premier attractions. Stop by Salt Pond Pub every Sunday from Memorial Day to Labor Day from 4:00-6:00 PM and enjoy live music along with food and drinks. Perfect for relaxing with the whole family (furry friends are welcome too). Link: http://www.nextthreedays.com/FeaturedEventDetails.cfm?E=776813
For all the 65+ big events happening this weekend, check out: • http://www.nextthreedays.com/featuredevents.cfm
Thanks for reading and have a great weekend!

I’m clearing out some samples, plus a few bottle decants. Please see photos for the level remaining on the samples. Shipping is a flat $6 within the US and I can drop packages at the Post Office tomorrow morning (but will print the labels and send tracking ASAP). Thanks:)
Images here: https://imgur.com/a/reddit-fragrance-swap-may-2024-NiikZV0
Perfume Decants: All will be freshly decanted in either 5 mL or 10 mL glass spray atomizers.

• Les Nereides Patchouli Antique, rare, original gold cap bottle, 5 mL for $35
• Les Nereides Imperial Opoponax, 5 mL for $10 or 10 mL for $18
• Serge Lutens Ambre Sultan, 5 mL for $10 or 10 mL for $18
• L’Artisan Parfumeur Fou d’Adbsinthe, from older version clear gold cap bottle, 5 mL for $20
• Habanita de Molinard EDT, discontinued/HTF, 5 mL for $22
• Acqua di Parma Mandorlo di Sicilia, 5 mL for $10
• Reiss Grey Flower EDP, 5 mL for $10

Luckyscent 0.7 mL dauber samples:

• Nishane Afrika Oliphant, $2
• Nishane Hacivat, $2
• Parle Moi de Parfum Mile High, $2
• Parfums de Nicolai New York Intense, $2
• Ex Idolo Thirty Three, $2

For Strange Women 1.5 mL dauber samples: Unsure on fill, but most were only tried 1-2x. Take the entire lot for $25. Includes 3 mystery samples plus Trench Oak Moss, Crushed Violets, Rain, Winter Kitty, and November In the Temperate Deciduous Forest.
Les Parfums de Rosine 1.5 mL assorted samples: See below or take the entire lot of 5 for $12.

• Bulle de Rose spray, $2
• Rose Griotte spray, $3
• Rose d’Ete dauber, $3
• Roseberry dauber, $3
• Rosine for Lesnob dauber, $3

Random other samples:

• Child perfume oil, 1 mL dauber, $5
• D.S. & Durga I Don’t Know What EDP, 1.5 mL spray, $5
• Chloe Nomade, 1.5 mL spray, free

So I have a joke here, I came up with it on my own and made it into a norm style joke and so I figured maybe you maniacs might want to hear it so here goes:
I was at a bar down in Mexico and I was having a great time, drinking tequila, wearing a big sombrero hat that I picked up earlier to keep the sun off, and we just got done with a show involving a chicken and a lady that I won't go into detail about here, but I had to take a leak so I went out to look for the bathroom I knew it was outside somewhere. It was dark.
I went around the corner and there was a man with a gun, but he looked like something out of an old cowboy movie. He had boots with spurs and the leather holster and a big moustache and cowboy hat, and it looked like a projection of a film because he was flickering and you could see through him a little bit, kind of glowing and transparent. But there was no wall or anything, he's just standing there in the pitch black pointing his gun right at me.
I was still holding my bottle of tequila and I was a little toasty so I just pulled a stupid face and held out the bottle to offer it to him I couldn't think of anything else to do or say. But then the ghost looked angry and he said "Uno!" and it sounded like an old movie, scratchy but very loud like a recording turned up too high.
Then I took off my hat and held that out to him, I was worried maybe people would find it offensive but this ghost was the first angry person I'd run into so far on my trip across the border. He looked even angrier, then he pulled back the hammer on his antique six shooter and said "Dos!" and that's when I realized he was counting to 3 in Spanish, it didn't hit me at first, and I thought "he's gonna shoot me when he gets to 3 but what does he want?"
So I dropped down on my knees and put my hat and bottle up over my head and shouted "Please don't kill me ghost what do you want?" but then I remembered he speaks Spanish so I said "por favor, no muerte! Que pasa?" (I don't speak much Spanish).
I listened for any indication of a response but all I could hear was the noise from the bar, clucking and shouting and fast horn music. When I raised my head and looked for the ghost, he had vanished without a "Tres"!

Write one page stories in response to these prompts and post your favorite ones here in the comments!

1. Lost in the forest, she found a mysterious key—unlocking a hidden door to a magical realm of talking animals.
2. Every night, the old lighthouse keeper whispered secrets to the waves, until the sea revealed a long-lost love letter.
3. In the attic, she discovered an ancient map leading to buried treasure, transforming a routine cleaning day into adventure.
4. An orphaned kitten, afraid of rain, found a friend in a compassionate umbrella, forming an unexpected bond against life's storms.
5. The broken music box mended hearts, playing a forgotten melody that mended the fractured friendship of two old musicians.
6. The astronaut’s lonely orbit was interrupted by a cosmic visitor—an ethereal, star-shaped being seeking companionship in the vast void.
7. A magical pen wrote the future. Terrified of the unknown, she learned to embrace each unwritten moment as a gift.
8. Beneath the city, a network of tunnels held the forgotten tales of subway musicians and their symphonies for the rats.
9. In a desolate winter, a snowflake with a secret wish fell into the hands of a child who believed in miracles.
10. A garden gnome, tired of being stationary, embarked on a quest for adventure, hitching rides with unsuspecting birds.
11. On a crowded train, a mysterious suitcase swapped hands, sparking connections between strangers and intertwining their fates forever.
12. Time froze at midnight. A clock repairer's dance with the gears led to a moment of eternal stillness in town.
13. A library cat, bored with routine, discovered a hidden book portal, whisking readers into enchanting worlds beyond the shelves.
14. A worn-out teddy bear, discarded in an attic, found new purpose as the guardian of a child's sweetest dreams.
15. A mysterious jar held fireflies that whispered forgotten wishes, sparking a magical night of dreams come true for a town.
16. In a ghost town, a lone pianist played melodies that brought memories alive, reviving the spirits of the abandoned.
17. The talking mirror revealed harsh truths. Determined to change, she shattered the reflection, discovering beauty in fragments.
18. A message in a bottle sailed through time, reaching the hands of a modern-day sailor and uniting two distant souls.
19. The rusty key, tucked in a forgotten drawer, opened a portal to childhood dreams, unlocking a world of nostalgia.
20. An owl and a firefly, unlikely friends, lit up the night sky, sharing stories that painted constellations on the darkness.
21. A peculiar tree whispered forgotten secrets to those who listened. Its roots held stories spanning centuries, connecting generations.
22. Lost in a storm, a little boat discovered a magical lighthouse, guiding it to an island where dreams washed ashore.
23. In a dusty attic, an old typewriter typed messages from the afterlife, comforting grieving families with unexpected love letters.
24. An abandoned carousel, cursed to spin forever, granted wishes to those who dared ride, revealing the magic within their hearts.
25. An artist painted a doorway to other worlds. Curious, a passerby stepped through, finding a realm where colors spoke.
26. On a rainy day, a neglected umbrella found purpose sheltering a stray dog, forging a bond stronger than storms.
27. The lonely scarecrow, longing for friends, befriended a misfit group of crows who taught it to dance with the wind.
28. In a forgotten library, a bookworm encountered a volume of living stories, each character begging to be read into existence.
29. The clock tower's chimes echoed stories of the past, inspiring a time-traveler to rewrite history with second chances.
30. A lonely shadow, detached from its owner, explored the world, discovering that shadows too could leave an imprint.
31. An old camera captured moments of pure joy. Rediscovered, its photographs rekindled forgotten smiles and laughter in a family.
32. The wishing well granted whispers of hope to a grieving soul, turning tears into petals that bloomed into a garden.
33. A discarded toy soldier, missing an arm, rallied fellow broken toys, forming an army of resilience against neglect.
34. On a foggy night, a lighthouse's beam revealed ghostly ships from centuries past, silently sailing through time's veil.
35. A gardener's tears watered a magical plant, whose blooms told stories of love, loss, and the passage of time.
36. A misfit teapot, left on a shelf, found purpose brewing dreams, pouring inspiration into the cups of sleepers.
37. The carousel's magic painted dreams onto children's minds. Each ride sculpted aspirations, turning mundane moments into extraordinary memories.
38. The librarian's cat, enchanted by ancient scrolls, stumbled into a world of forgotten tales, bringing lost stories back to life.
39. A discarded key unlocked a trunk of memories, revealing a grandmother's treasures that sparked adventures for a curious grandchild.
40. The echo in an old clock tower whispered the wishes of forgotten lovers, creating a timeless symphony of heartbeats.
41. A curious rock in the garden harbored a tiny door. Opening it led to a realm of miniature creatures and wonders.
42. A discarded puzzle piece, overlooked in haste, found its place in a grand masterpiece, completing a picture of unity.
43. An old diary discovered in an attic held letters from a bygone era, weaving tales of love transcending time.
44. The moonlit pond transformed into a mirror of dreams, reflecting the aspirations of those who dared to gaze into it.
45. A forgotten umbrella sparked a serendipitous meeting, sheltering two strangers who shared a rain-soaked adventure and laughter.
46. An abandoned toy store at midnight came alive, toys playing and dancing until dawn, filling the darkness with joy.
47. The wishing star granted a child's plea, turning the night sky into a canvas painted with dreams come true.
48. A humble lantern, carried through generations, lit the path of a family's stories, flickering with the warmth of memories.
49. The clock tower's gears clicked in harmony with a street musician's melody, creating a fleeting symphony in the city.
50. A neglected swing in the park became a portal to childhood dreams, swaying through memories of laughter and innocence.
51. The attic's dusty typewriter wrote letters to the future, forging connections between generations separated by time's relentless march.
52. A lonely moonbeam illuminated a forgotten statue, bringing it to life to dance beneath the celestial ballroom of stars.
53. A broken compass found in an antique shop guided a lost traveler, leading them to unexpected destinations and serendipitous encounters.
54. The neglected rocking horse in the corner sparked to life, carrying children on whimsical adventures through the realms of imagination.
55. An old train ticket, misplaced for decades, led a nostalgic traveler on a journey through memories of youthful escapades.
56. A discarded map, its edges worn with age, guided wanderers to a mythical land hidden behind the veil of reality.
57. A forgotten key discovered in a dusty drawer unlocked a door to childhood secrets, revealing treasures of innocence and joy.
58. The abandoned robot in the junkyard fixed broken toys, teaching them that imperfections were the essence of beauty.
59. A fallen star transformed into a messenger, delivering dreams to sleepers and sprinkling stardust on their midnight wishes.

Hey, I wanted to post a piece I'm working on. This is essentially a first draft aside from checking for some spelling errors etc. So maybe second or third draft haha. Regardless, I was hoping to get some feedback on it. In particular, the ending and a few passages that I will put in bold text. I know what my intent was, but am unsure if they simply slow the pacing down too much or not. Especially since it has a bit of a slower pace anyway. I also wouldn't mind, and encourage, any other critique or suggestions outside of the requested areas. Thank you to anyone in advance
THE CLOCK
When I was younger, my parents and I spent a lot of time at my grandmother’s house. Her home was the familial meeting ground for not only us, but my aunts, uncles, and cousins. Even the most estranged and distant members of the family were welcome. Oddly enough, I never knew my extended family existed outside of that house. Her home was the place where everyone converged for a laugh, for fun, for peace: a joy filled oasis in the desert of mundane existence.
To the best of my knowledge, no one was ever turned away as long as they agreed, at least for the time spent there, that any nightmares that loomed over them outside those walls did not exist. There was to be nothing that should dull that sparkling allure of carefreeness. By simply agreeing to that silent contract, you would be greeted with open arms. Even the divorced spouses of my aunts and uncles would show up every Christmas, Easter, and special occasion to sit at the table to have a drink and eat good food. My Grandmother truly believed in what she thought to be the essence of family; that it was a pact for life.
I can still remember walking through the front door of her house, always greeted by the smells wafting through the halls from the kitchen and the warm light casting familiar shadows on the walls. Even now, years after her death, I catch myself wandering off to those times of absolute peace that acted as a refuge, a safe haven from the world around me; reliving the time spent there and laughing at the horrible jokes of my uncles. I miss them all.
This was years ago, when she was alive. She succumbed to old age almost ten years ago now. Everyone knew it was coming. The sanctuary had already begun to fall apart well before her death. More and more often walking through the doors of her house offered little more than a stirring of dust and stale coffee. She simply wasn’t in the health necessary to maintain the oasis she had built. And, as that sanctuary fell to decadence, so too did the bond that held the family together.
Of course, at different times different relatives attempted to revive the oasis, to rebuild the walls of that sanctuary we had all come to rely on for a fleeting moment of peace. But they all fell short. There was a sort of heaviness in the inadequacy that would permeate through the air. It was the stench of the outside that we all brought in with us. Eventually, no one even attempted the daunting task of replicating the haven we all had come to depend on.
However, even in that nostalgic bliss, there lingers one memory that fills my throat with bile. If I were able to somehow remove it from my life, I can only imagine how things would have changed. How, even in the absence of the oasis, I would be able to find some semblance of peace. But it is kept out of my reach by the most ridiculous of all things: a clock.
The clock was a gift from my grandmother to my father one Christmas. I was a young child at that time, and much more concerned with opening my presents, so I’m not sure what reaction he had to it, but I am almost certain it was one of pure joy. The moment we came back home he climbed on a step ladder to proudly place it on the wall in his personal sitting area.
My father was a collector of all things concerning his youth. What was, at one time, the common room for our family, eventually became his den of antiquity. Models of cars from an age gone by had been polished to a sparkling shine and lined shelves upon shelves, while rustically fashioned model store fronts and old advertisement posters hung on the walls. The centerpiece of this collection stood the clock. It was a simple, novelty item. A black wall clock that with golden numerals printed on it that the red hands pointed towards. On the face of the clock was a picture of an old steam train pulling into a somewhat worn wooden station surrounded by trees. The picture exuded not only nostalgia for an age gone by, but more specifically of a time and place long forgotten. I remember my father telling me of how he remembered platforms just like that when he was a child growing up in rural Appalachia.
I grew to absolutely despise that clock, for the novelty didn’t end with its nostalgia inducing design. It was a type of cuckoo clock, and every time the minute hand rolled to twelve, the sounds of an old locomotive would emit from the timepiece.
As a small child, I was intrigued by the clock and enticed by its newness. Every hour, I would pause whatever I happened to be doing at the time to appreciate the latest addition to our home. This was, however, short lived. After a few weeks, the clock became more of an annoyance as the sound of a train whistle seemed to shake the foundation of the entire house. The volume was, in all honesty, staggering and an ill-conceived “marvel” of modern technology. To this day, I cannot fathom how this clock could create a ruckus loud enough that all conversations in the home had to be put on hold until the clock finished its chime.
My mother and I would plead with my father to take the battery out of the clock, but he always adamantly refused, claiming that we were exaggerating and that it was nowhere near as loud as we let on. The clock became a symbol of his stubbornness, his refusal to listen to us, to care about our discomfort.
So, as time rolled on and I grew older, I began to hate the clock with everything in me. As a teenager, I would sometimes sneak in the middle of the night and remove the battery myself, to get at least a momentary reprieve from the insistent bellows of train whistles. It would last about three or four hours into the next day before my father would realize something was amiss and repower the clock, fussily threatening whoever had taken the battery.
My mother passed away last year, and my father followed earlier this week. Aside from a handful of relatives that lived nearby, both funerals were relatively unattended. My assumption, based on how quickly the attendees left, had those relatives lived even slightly out of the way, they wouldn’t have come to the funeral. It was not out of respect or care had they shown up, but rather in fulfillment of some perceived social contract.
After my father’s funeral, I drive to my childhood home. The sun shone brightly in between a few scattered gray clouds, but there was a smell of rain in the air. With both my parents gone, I’m sure the bank will be foreclosing on their house soon enough. I definitely don’t have the money to pay the mortgage. This could be one of the last few chances to revisit before I was forever banned from the place.
I stepped into the house where I grew up. What was once bright, with sunlight reflecting off well-polished furniture, was dull with a thick coat of dust on the cherry-finished tabletops. Out of habit, I slipped my shoes off at the door and walked through the rooms of the home. The once soft carpet felt stiff with age and neglect on my bare feet. Even in my father’s sitting room, his den of antiquity with his once well-polished models, sat layers of dust.
* * *
I sit at the small kitchen table as I stare at the clock in front of me, ticking away the passage of time as I recall the original luster of the slightly faded train on its face and I wait for the long red hand to finally reach the golden XII at the top. Thirty seconds left.
Not only do I not have a place for it, but I always hated this thing. Why the hell did I bring it home with me?
I glance around me from my seat at the kitchen table. The open floor plan of my home allows me to see the entirety of the living room as well as my kitchen area. My walls are completely unadorned, save for a few small bookshelves near the couch and a small spice rack I had hung up to save counter and cabinet space. I was never much for decoration. My mother always prodded at me that my home could use a woman’s touch. Eighteen seconds left.
I turn my head towards the window in the kitchen. The sun was in its fading moments, but hidden partially by thick gray clouds giving the outside an otherworldly blue hue as night was being born before my eyes. In front of the window on the counter was a bottle, half filled with a crimson-brown liquid. It was, just moments ago, full. As I eye the bottle, I decide it would be much more appealing if it were a quarter filled. For a moment, I forgot about the clock that sat on the table, too busy dreaming of the familiar burn in my throat that sat just outside arm’s reach. Ten seconds left.
I strain my arm reaching for the bottle, not having the will to stand just yet. I hear the cheap kitchen chair creak in protest to the shift in weight and for a moment, I thought it would break. But I stretch my arm as far as possible and manage to grab the bottle before the chair could collapse. I open it and drink deeply as I begin to dream of my childhood and all the happy moments with my Mom and Dad.
My fantasy was short lived, being interrupted with a sudden bashing of brass as the clock comes to life with the sound of a charging train. The whistle of the locomotive reverberates off my empty walls adding to the density of the sound that made my heart feel as if it were skipping a beat and my breath became caught in my throat. Half a minute later the sound from the clock ceased, and I let out the breath I didn’t even realize I was holding.
I stand and glare for a moment at the clock, all the aggravation it had caused me growing up running through my mind as I wonder again why I had brought it home. I turn from it, grabbing the bottle of whiskey, as well as another from the cabinet, and walk towards the bedroom leaving the clock on the table.
Within an hour’s time, the partial bottle was drained, and the second was well on its way. At some point in my binge, the alcohol begins its work and the bedroom spins wildly.
I’ve overdone it. I’m not normally that heavy of a drinker, and nearly two bottles in two hours was too much. I think about calling an ambulance while I still have sense in me. There was a real risk of poisoning. But as I sit on the edge of my bed trying to coordinate my limbs, I feel more and more nauseous and the room spins faster. My vision tunnels and feel myself going limp as the floor comes up to meet my face.
* * *
As my body lays in the floor of my home, I dream of the day my father displayed the clock for the first time in his den of antiquity. In my dream, I watch with the understanding of my grown self as he meticulously places the clock in reverent manner on top of the outdated design of the wallpapered wall. As I look around at the room, at the plethora of models and antiques, I’m blinded by the light reflecting off the polished metallic surface of hundreds of model classic cars. Each of these had been waxed and shined with utmost care so as to ensure the most glisten from them.
The den of antiquity itself is a bit dark. Originally intended to be the family living room, my father slowly took it over as his own. He would implement more and more rules for the room as more of his nostalgic reminders filled it. The ceiling light was never allowed to be on. Instead, smaller lights had been placed strategically throughout the room, which only he could turn on or off, in order to spotlight the models of cars. The dark room paired with these small lights maximized the sparkling effect of the painfully tedious wax job that took days on end to complete on the model fleet. The “proper” care routine took so long to complete, as soon as he finished the sacrament he would need to start over and he was the only one allowed to complete the task. What was once our family room had become a temple to days gone by and my father was its high priest.
The dream continues as I turn from my father in his temple and walk around my child hood home. I head to what had become the new living room after the Temple’s construction. It was dark with thin layers of dust on the furniture and the ornaments on the walls. The dust was always present here, not from lack of cleaning, but rather lack of use. My father did not want anyone to use the furniture here. According to him, it was only to look at. I always received the strangest looks when I repeated his words to our occasional guest. This lack of use meant that nobody ever came through to stir the dust until it was time to clean.
I resume my trek through the house and eventually find my way to my childhood bedroom. Slowly, I open the door. I see myself as a child sitting in the floor playing with a few toys quietly. The room was mostly bare, with only the bed, toybox and a small TV on a cheap stand breaking the barrenness of chipped blue walls. The wood flooring was scratched and dull with neglect. It made a certain sense this room didn’t have the same level of care put into it as the rest of the house.
I spent the majority of my childhood in this room: my bedroom. Aside from school, it was really the only place I was allowed to be in. My bedroom was for playing, not the other rooms. That way, my mess would be confined to one spot. And if I were outside, I could not be under the watchful eyes of my parents.
I turn from my bedroom and head to the kitchen where my mother is. She sits the kitchen table with a pen and paper, trying to make ends meet. Her face is contorted with worry, and a few unshed tears glisten in her eyes. The bills were coming due, and apparently we were a bit short. She calls out to my father so they can come up with a plan together, but he dismisses her. He is far too busy in his Temple placing the clock. My mother sighs and resumes her work alone. She always took care of these sorts of things by herself.
The dream was of a normal day in my childhood home.
* * *
I awoke to the blare of train whistles. The sound ricochets in my skull, becoming louder with every second the train roared. I cover my ears trying in vain to dampen the sound, but it gives no reprieve. I lay in agony for what seems to be an eternity before the silence eventually refills the room.
The damn thing’s even louder than before!
As I pick myself up off the floor, my stomach churns as I realize my nostrils are filled with the smell of bile. Not only had I passed out but I had vomited without ever coming to.
As I force myself to stand, the heaviness in my limbs fight against me. My eyes remain unfocused for a moment as I attempt to regain my bearings. I look at my nightstand where the only source of light shone in the dark bedroom: the familiar red glow of my digital alarm clock. It’s three in the morning.
I reach overhead, pulling the string on the ceiling fan to turn on the light so as to survey the mess I had made in my stupor. Vomit was pooled underneath me and I now felt the cool sensation on my chest as it began to dry on me. It was entirely liquid without a trace of food. I stare at it blankly for a moment, trying to recount what I had eaten that would have digested so quickly before groaning and giving up in frustration. I couldn’t remember and it wasn’t important anyway.
I pull off my shirt, tossing it into the washer before grabbing some paper towels and cleaner. After quickly wiping up the mess, I head to the shower to clean the vomit off myself. Turning the water on, I begin stripping off the rest of my clothes. The smell of vomit hangs in the air surrounding me and I gag.
For a moment, I catch a glimpse of my frail and naked body in the mirror, but I can’t linger on it. Staring at my protruding ribs would likely make me more ill and I don’t need a physical reminder of the consequences of my actions.
As I step into the shower, the hot water runs over my back and flows through my hair and down my face. My hair falls into my eyes as I relish the feeling of the stench being cleansed from my body. As the steam fills the room, the hot water burns away the disgusting traces of my activities.
My arms stretch out in the shower, bracing my body against the shower wall and door to either side of me. I begin to relax in the small area, my body slowly expanding to take up more space and claiming this spot as my own. This is my sanctuary, my haven. A small respite in spite of the bitter few months, but it was mine and it was safe.
I always had taken longer hot showers even as a kid. Dad would get so angry at me for using all the hot water and occupying our only bathroom for so long. He would often bust the sliding lock installed on the bathroom door as he forced the door open, yelling about the hot water and wasting time. As I stood there, dripping wet in the shower, he wouldn’t leave. He would just stand there, making sure I felt his presence until I turn the water off and exit the bathroom. Now older, I can understand his frustration to an extent, but as a teenager who felt smothered by their parents anyway, it was just one more event to prove my lack of privacy.
I recall the frustratingly recurring event of me in my bedroom watching TV for him to simply walk in unannounced. He wouldn’t speak a word, just look to see what I was doing and then leave. The act of barging into my bedroom without so much as a knock only to look at me and then leave infuriated me. It was as if it were some sort of silent reminder of the pecking order in the household. It was an assertion of his dominance, a reminder that my space was never truly mine. A few weeks after I graduated high school, I announced I was moving out. He never did understand why I was in such a hurry to leave.
The hot water now began to feel cool against my skin, ripping me from my thoughts. I must have been showering for a while. I hurriedly began washing my body, cleaning any remaining traces of vomit from me. I don’t have to worry about anyone barging into the bathroom or busting the lock off the door. This was my safe haven, I can’t be bothered here. I take a deep breath as the soap is rinsed away in the cascade of the shower and bask in the sense of peace.
But that peace is brutally broken by the sound of an oncoming train. The clock had struck an hour once again and began to chime. The sound echoed in the small bathroom, blasting around from wall to wall creating a torrent of sound that caused my knees to buckle and my head to ache.
How is it this loud? It’s on the other side of the house!
Had I not known any better, I would swear the clock were in the bathroom with me. The chime lasts for a seeming eternity, each bellow of the horn sounding closer and more brash. I turn the water off and grab a towel. Wrapping myself quickly, I stomp to the kitchen where the clock lay on the table. As I approach, the chime ends. Finally, a peaceful quiet returns. I gently pick up the clock, appraising the faded picture of the steam engine and golden numerals printed on the black outer rim. I then flipped it over and pulled the battery out.
There were two slots for the batteries. One for the chime and one for the clock face. The clock face battery stood pointing towards twelve and six, while the chime battery pointed towards three and nine. I couldn’t count how many time I had sneakily removed this battery at night when I was younger.
I flip the clock back over, checking to ensure I removed the correct battery. Seeing the hands were still moving, I set the clock down and return to my bedroom. Although my shower had eased the nausea from my earlier drinking and soothed my head from the following hangover, the latest chime had rekindled the sickly feeling.
As I enter the bedroom, I see the last few drinks left in the bottle of Southern Comfort I had brought in earlier. It was probably a quarter filled: not enough on its own to cause problems. I lift the bottle up, draining it in one go. The bitter sweet taste is complimented by a burn I had grown to expect, but the first drink always sends a shiver down my spine and causes me to wince at the aftertaste that accompanies liquor.
I set the now empty bottle down on the dresser and get dressed in a simple set of bed clothes before opening the window, leaning against the sill. I breath in the cool night air as I wait for the alcohol to begin to show some kind of effect.
It smells like a storm is coming.
The air is crisp and refreshing with a tint of whimsical fancy wisping within it that gives it an almost mystical feeling. The slight breeze remained constant, ushering the smell to me and running its fingers through my hair as it rustles the leaves on the trees in subtle warning.
As a child, I loved this smell. I thought it was energizing and life giving. The air felt electric and energizing. The tension would build throughout the day, keeping me on edge. The dark clouds in the distance would serve as a foreboding warning of the downpour about to take place, and everyone who looked at them resigned themselves to the inevitable downpour. But this unstoppable release felt natural and was also welcome. As the clouds would move over our heads, ominously blocking out the light, the clouds would finally burst and rain poured down in a catharsis that would put me at ease. It was that release of tension in the air that addicted me to storms. It felt necessary, despite the danger that often accompany such tension. And yet, as a storm would end and the sun would peak back around the clouds, I would feel lost. I never could understand that.
As I lean against the window sill, I feel the slight buzz in my head from the liquor and move to the bed. As I lay down in between the clean sheets I stare at the red numbers on my alarm clock setting on the nightstand: it’s almost five in the morning now.
I close my eyes, begging for sleep to take me. The alcohol helps, pushing my mind to slow down and rocks me gently as my consciousness slips away.
* * *
The room itself quaked with the sound of a rolling train and roaring whistle. The sudden blast of engine roar that shook me awake nearly caused me to scream in shock. In the panic of waking to such a cacophony of sounds, I believe for a moment that a train is barreling down on me.
That damn clock! But I took the battery out... How is it going off? And why is it so loud?
Confusion mixed with the pain from the deafening noise. The sound waves cut through me, making it nearly impossible to breath. The bass of the thundering engine made my heart beat feel irregular and the sheer volume burned my ears. I writhed in the bed as I buried my head in the pillows and forcefully pressed them against my ears hoping to dampen the noise to at least a tolerable level, but to no avail.
Struggling against the intensity of sound and the confusion of this poltergeist like activity, I force myself to begin moving towards the kitchen. Every moment is excruciating. Sweat pours from my body as I move painfully from the bedroom to the kitchen. Every step closer increases the volume by factors of magnitude. By the time I cross the threshold into the kitchen, I feel tears dripping from my eyes and mingling with the sweat. Every chime feels as if my eardrum were pierced with an icepick and the pain is unbearable.
Reaching into a cabinet drawer where I keep a few hand tools, I grab a small hammer and stand over the clock on my kitchen table. Without any hesitation, I bring the hammer down on the clock over and over, pounding it relentlessly. Every strike of the hammer echoes throughout my arm and into my body. Every strike a resounding blow against the most hated object in my life.
And, finally, the train whistle stops. The engine ceases its roar. The clanking of steel wheels on metal tracks halts. As I look at the clock, my mind instinctively compares the mangled mess of clockwork to the once pristine piece I had taken from my childhood home. The hard plastic that covered the face was smashed into shards, and the cheaply made picture of the train was now ripped to shreds by the hammer blows. The smooth black outer rim with golden numerals was bent and destroyed. The clock was dead. There is no other way to describe it. The clock was dead.
But I wouldn’t stop there. No, I had to make sure. Meticulously picking up every shard of the shattered clock, I place it ceremoniously into a small box and carry it outside. I make sure every busted piece of plastic was removed from my home. Every gear, every screw. I didn’t want any part of it to remain near me. I needed it gone. I needed this disgusting filth out of my home.
Ten minutes until six in the morning.
I take the box outside and set it in my backyard. Quickly grabbing some small sticks, a few small logs, and some rocks, I make a impromptu fire pit and set the box on top before walking to the shed a few feet away. Inside the decrepit shed were an assortment of yard tools which I hardly ever used. They were given to me by father a few years ago despite me telling him I paid someone to do my yard work. I pick up a red gas jug with a yellow spout. I hold it up to confirm the volume it currently held and head back into the yard. Five minutes left.
I never want to hear it again. I never want to hear it again. I never want to hear it again.
Setting the jug near the box of busted clockwork, I head back inside the house for a lighter as I repeat the words in my head over and over. Soon, they become a mindless mantra, a dogma devoid of meaning as I focus solely on the task I set out to do. After searching for a moment, I find the long stemmed lighter and return to the makeshift alter of sticks and wood on which sat the damnable clock.
Two minutes left.
I pour the gas from the jug liberally onto the box and wood, dousing it completely as the mantra continues to play in my mind. For a moment, I recall the happiness on Dad’s face when he first placed the clock on the wall in his den of memories. I remember him measuring the to ensure it was in the very center of his collection. I remember him looking at the clock with adoration and pride. I remember how he would sit amongst his collection and bask in the memories that flooded him within The Temple of Antiquity.
Then, I remember how much Mom and I grew to hate the clock. The overwhelming sound that would echo through the house forcing everyone to submit to the auditory assault. I remember how we begged him to just take the battery for the chime out, and how our pleas were ignored. I remember how I would sneak and remove the battery at night for it to be replaced the following day accompanied with threats to the next person who took the battery out.
As I reminisce, I grow more disgusted with the clock. I hate it with everything in me and only want it removed from my life. As I stand over the clock, now doused in gasoline on an alter of wood and twigs, I lean down with the lighter in hand, my finger on the button to set the damn thing ablaze.
And I hear a church bell in the distance, signaling the turn of the hour. It was six in the morning.
Immediately, I am accosted by train whistles and engines. The sound of the clock chime echoing through my neighborhood bounces off of houses and hills creating a wall of sound that breaks my breath. I feel as if I’m choking. I try to scream, but to no avail. I have no breath in my lungs to make a sound. I have to do it. I have to burn the clock, I have to destroy it before it kills me.
I press the button on the lighter, sparking the flame and the alter lights without hesitation. The train whistle slowly morphs into something more akin to a wailing scream as the fire licks at the plastic and melts the internal parts. Heat hits me in the face and I instantly fall back as I watch the fiery plume engulf the box holding the clock. Slowly, the wailing whistle fades into nothing. The only sound is the faint rustling of leaves and the crackling of fire. It’s quiet. It’s over.
I watch the fire consume the box as the clouds overhead finally burst into the rain I had smelled hours ago. The rain poured onto my head and I worried the fire may be put out, but the flames burned strong in spite. Mixed with the smell of the burning wood, the faint scent of plastic being reduced to cinders arose. There would be nothing left of the clock soon and I will never have to hear the whistle again. That realization bathes me in satisfaction.
The clock is gone. I will never have to hear that damn whistle and engine. It’s gone and dead forever.
I continue watching the pyre. As the last embers begin to die, the box and the clock gone into the steady stream of smoke from the alter I had built in defiance to The Alter of Nostalgia my father had made years ago. I hear the church bell in the distance again, marking the time as seven in the morning. And, just underneath the sound of that bell, I hear the faint sound of a train whistle.

I am helping a relative sort and value a glass bottle collection. They are looking to reduce the size of the collection and have asked me to sell off the more common ones. I was able to find information on most of them, but some seem to rely on factors that I'm not confident I understand enough to properly help.
This is the remainder of the third group I'm sharing, a collection of pre-prohibition beer bottles.
S. Liebmann's Sons Brewing Co., N.Y.
John McMahon Bottler, Fort Edward, NY
William Blanchfield, Salem, NY
Bilburg & Ferguson, Glens Falls, NY
La Mont & Seddon Bottling Works, Glens Falls, N.Y.
Amityville Bottling Co., Amityville, NY
Any help with approximate values or other uniqueness they might appreciate would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!

I am helping a relative sort and value a glass bottle collection. They are looking to reduce the size of the collection and have asked me to sell off the more common ones. I was able to find information on most of them, but some seem to rely on factors that I'm not confident I understand enough to properly help.
This is the third group I'm sharing, a collection of pre-prohibition beer bottles.
Pflug & Ackley, Hempstead, L.I.
D.J. Fitzgerald Jr., Glens Falls, N.Y.
Hubener Bros., 36 Spencer Street, Brooklyn
India Wharf Brewing Co., Brooklyn, NY
Geo. George Schaumloeffel, Trenton, NJ
Shinnecock Bottling Co., Riverhead L.I.
Any help with approximate values or other uniqueness they might appreciate would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!

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PLAYBOY Interview With Conan O'Brien Interview by Kevin Cook For Playboy Magazine February 1998
A candid conversation with the preppie prince of "Late Night" about his rocky start, his show's secret one-day cancellation and how David Letterman saved the day.
He was polite. He was funny. He gave us a communicable disease.
At 34 Conan O'Brien is hotter than the fever he was running when we met in his private domain above the "Late Night" sound stage. A gangly freckle-faced ex-high school geek he is "one of TV's hottest properties" according to "People" magazine. The host of "Late Night With Conan O'Brien" has become his generation's king of comedy.
Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. Congested too, but O'Brien has far more to worry about than his head cold. A perfectionist who broods over one bad minute in an otherwise perfect hour of TV, he worries he might be anhedonic, "I have trouble with success," he says, "I was raised to believe that if something good happens something bad is coming." Sure things look good now "Rolling Stone" calls "Late Night" "the hottest comedy show on TV." Ratings are better than ever, particularly among 18- to 34-year-olds, the viewers advertisers crave.
But O'Brien only works harder. Despite his illness he taped two shows in 26 hours on three hours' sleep. He smoothly interviewed Elton John then burst into coughing fits during commercials. Later in his crammed corner office overlooking Manhattan traffic Conan the Cool gulped Dayquil gel caps. He coughed spewing microbes.
"Sorry, sorry," he said. Of course O'Brien can't complain. He came seriously close to falling to being banished behind the scenes as just another failed talk show host.
At his first "Late Night" press conference he corrected a reporter who called him a relative unknown, "Sir I am a complete unknown," he said. That line got a laugh, but soon O'Brien looked doomed. His September 13, 1993 debut began with O'Brien in his dressing room preparing to hang himself only to be interrupted by the start of his show. Before long his career was hanging by a thread. Ratings were terrible. Critics hated the show. Tom Shales of "The Washington Post" called it as "lifeless and messy as roadkill." Shales said O'Brien should quit.
Network officials held urgent meetings discussing the Conan O'Brien debacle. Should they fire him? How should they explain their mistake?
In the end of course he turned it around. The network hung with him long enough for the ratings to improve and the host of the cooler-than-ever "Late Night" now defines comedy's cutting edge just as Letterman did ten years ago.
Even Shales loves "Late Night" these days. He calls O'Brien's turnaround "one of the most amazing transformations in television history."
O'Brien was born on April 18, 1963 in Brookline, Massachusetts. His father, a doctor, is a professor at Harvard Medical School. His mother, a lawyer, is a partner at an elite Boston Law firm. Conan, the third of six children became a lector at church and a misfit at school. Tall and goofy, bedeviled with acne, he tried to impress girls with jokes. That plan usually bombed, but O'Brien eventually found his niche at Harvard where he won the presidency of the "Harvard Lampoon" in 1983 and again in 1984 - the first two-time "Lampoon" president since humorist Robert Benchley held the honor 85 years ago.
After graduating magna cum laude with a double major in literature and American history he turned pro. Writing for HBO's "Not Necessarily The News." O'Brien was earning $100,000 a year before his 24th birthday. But writing was never enough.
He honed his performance skills with the Groundlings, a Los Angeles improv group. There he worked with his onetime girlfriend Lisa Kudrow, now starring on "Friends." But Conan was not such a standout. In 1988 he landed a job at "Saturday Night Live" - but as a writer, not as on-air talent. In almost four years on the show O'Brien made only fleeting appearances, usually as a crowd member or security guard. His writing was more memorable. He wrote (or co-wrote) Tom hanks' "Mr Short-Term Memory" skits as well as the "pump you up" infosatire of Hanz and Franz and the nude beach sketch in which Matthew Broderick and "SNL" members played nudists admiring one another's penises. With dozens of mentions of the word that hit was the most penis-heavy moment in TV history. It helped O'Brien win an Emmy for comedy writing.
In 1991 he quit "SNL" and moved on to "The Simpsons" where he worked for two years. His urge to perform came out in wall-bouncing antics in writers' meetings. "Conan makes you fall out of your chair" said "Simpsons" creator Matt Groening. O'Brien's yen to act out was so strong that he spurned Fox's reported seven-figure offer to continue as a writer. He was driving for the spotlight.
By then David Letterman had announced he was turning shin - leaving NBC taking his ton-rated act to CBS. Suddenly NBC was up a creek without a host. The network turned to Lorne Michaels, O'Brien's "Saturday Night Live" boss. Michaels enlisted Conan's help in the host search planning to use him in a behind-the-scenes job. But when Garry Shandling, Dana Carvey and almost every other star turned down the chore of following Letterman, Michaels finally listened to Conan's crazy suggestion, "Let me do it!" Michaels persuaded the network to entrust it's 12:30 slot which Letterman had turned into a gold mine to an untested wiseass from Harvard.
O'Brien was working on one of his last "Simpsons" episodes when he got the news. He turned "paler than usual," Groening recalled. The Conan moseyed back to where the other writers were working, "I'll come back with the Homer Simspon joke later. I have to go replace Letterman," he said.
NBC executives now get credit for their foresight during those dark days of 1993 and 1994. They snared the axe and now reap the multimillion-dollar spoils of that decision. In fact, the story is not so simple. We sent Contributing Editor Kevin Cook to unravel the tale of O'Brien's survival, which he tells here for the first time. Cook reports:
"His office is chock-full of significa. There's a three-foot plastic pickle the Letterman staff left behind in 1993 - perhaps to suggest what a predicament he was in. There's a copy of Jack Paar's 'I Kid You Not' and a coffee-table book called 'Saturday Night Live: The First 20 Years.' His bulletin board features letters from fans such as John Watters and Bob Dole and an 8" x 10" glossy of Andy Richter with the inscription: "To Conan - Your bitter jealousy warms my black heart. Love and Kisses Andy."
"Of course it's all for show. From the photos of kitch icons Adam West and Robert Stack to the framed Stan Laurel autograph, from the deathbed painting of Abraham Lincoln, to the ironic star taped to Conan's door - they're all clever signals that tell a visitor how to view the star. Lincoln was his collegiate preoccupation: stardom is his occupation. Somewhere between the two I hoped to find the real O'Brien.
"As a Playboy reader he wanted to give me a better-than-average interview. I wanted something more - a definitive look at the guy who may end up being the Johnny Carson of his generation."
"Here's hoping we succeeded. If not I carried his germs 3000 miles and infected dozens of Californians for no good reason.
O'Brien: Yes, this is how to do a Playboy Interview -- completely tanked on cold medicine. I'll pick it up and read, "Yes, I'm gay."
Playboy: We could talk another time. O'Brien: (coughing) No, it's OK. I memorized Dennis Rodman's answers. Can I use them?
Playboy: You sound really sick. Do you ever take a day off? O'Brien: No. The age of talk show hosts taking days off is over. Johnny Carson could go to Africa when he was the only game in town -- "See you in two weeks!" But nobody does that now. I will give you a million dollars on the first day Jay takes off for illness.
Playboy: Do you ever slow down and enjoy your success? O'Brien: If anything, the pace is picking up. Restaurateurs insist on giving me a table even if I'm only passing by, so I'm eating nine meals a night. Women stop me on the street and hand me their phone numbers.
Playboy: So you have groupies? O'Brien: Oh yes. And other fans. Drifters. Prisoners. Insomniacs. Cab Drivers, who must watch a lot of late night TV, seem to love me lately. They keep saying, "You will not pay, you will not pay, you make me happy!"
Playboy: How happy did your new contract make you? O'Brien: Terrified. The network said, "We're all set for five years." I said, "Shut up, shut up! I can't think that far ahead." Tonight, for instance, I do my jokes, then interview Elton John and Tim Meadows. We finished taping about 6:30. By 6:45 my memory was erased and my only thought was, Tomorrow: John Tesh. And I started to obsess about John Tesh. Sad, don't you think?
Playboy: Not too sad. You got off to a rocky start but now you're so hot that People magazine recently said, "that was then, this is wow." O'Brien: I try not to pay much attention. Since I ignored the critics who said I should shoot myself in the head with a German Luger, it would be cheating to tear out nice reviews now and rub them all over my body, giggling. Though I have thought about it.
Playboy: Tell us about your trademark gag. You interview a photo of Bill Clinton or some other celeb, and a pair of superimposed lips provide outrageous answers. O'Brien: We call it the Clutch Cargo bit, after that terrible old cartoon series. They saved money on animation by superimposing real lips on the cartoons. I wanted to do topical jokes in a cartoony way -- not just Conan doing quips at a desk. TV is visual; I want things to look funny. But we're not Saturday Night Live; we couldn't spend $100,000 on it. Hence, the cheap, cheesy lips, You'd be surprised how many people we fool.
Playboy: Viewers believe that's really the president yelling, "Yee-haw! Who's got a joint?" O'Brien: It's strange. You may know intellectually that Clinton doesn't talk like Foghorn Leghorn. Ninety-eight percent of your brain knows the president wouldn't say, "Whoa Conan get a load of that girl!" But there are a few brain cells that aren't sure. When Bob Dole was running for president we had him doing a past-life regression: "My cave, get away." And then back further, "Must form flippers to crawl on to rocky soil," he says. There may be people out there who believe that Bob Dole was the first amphibian.
Playboy: Do you ever go too far? O'Brien: The fun is in going too far. It's a nice device because you get Bill Clinton to do the nastiest Bill Clinton jokes. We'll have Clinton making fart noises while I say "Sir! Please!"
Playboy: Are you enjoying your job now, with your new success? O'Brien: Well, there are surprises. I hate surprises. Like most comics, I'm a control freak. But I am learning that the show works best when things are out of control. Tonight I ask Elton John if he likes being neighbors with Joan Collins. He says he isn't neighbors with Joan Collins. He lives next door to Tina Turner. So I panic -- huge mistake! But Elton saves the day. "Joan Collins, Tina Turner, it doesn't matter. Either way I could borrow a wig," he says. Huge laugh, all because I fucked up. Later he surprised me by blurting out that he's hung like a horse. The camera cuts to me shaking my head: That crazy Elton. What can I do? Of course, I'm delighted that he went too far.
Playboy: That "What can I do?" look resembles a classic take of Jack Benny's. O'Brien: There's an old saying in literature: "Good poets borrow; great poets steal." I think T.S. Eliot stole it from Ezra Pound. Comics steal, too. Constantly. When I watched Johnny Carson, I noticed that he got a few takes from Benny and Bob Hope. When a comedy writer told me how much Woody Allen had borrowed from Hope, I thought, What? They're nothing alike. Then I went back and watched Son of Paleface, and there's Hope, the nervous city guy backing up on his heels, wringing his hands and saying, "Sorry, I'll just be moving along." Now look at early Woody Allen. You see big authority figures and Woody nervously saying, "Look, I'll just be on my way." Of course Woody made it his own, but he must have watched and loved Bob Hope.
Playboy: Who are your role models? O'Brien: Carson. Woody Allen. SCTV. Peter Sellers. When Peter Sellers died I felt such a loss, thinking, There won't be anymore of that. There's some Steve Martin in my false bravado with female guests: "Why, hel-lo there!" And I won't deny having some Letterman in my bones.
Playboy: You were surprise as Letterman's successor. At first you seemed like the wrong choice. O'Brien: I didn't get ratings. That doesn't mean I didn't get laughs. Yes, I had a giant pompadour and I looked like a rockabilly freak. I was too excited, pushed too hard, and people said, "That guy isn't a polished performer." Fine! But it isn't my goal to be Joe Handsomehead cool, smooth talk show host. Late Night with Conan O'Brien is supposed to be a work in progress, and now that we've had some success there's a danger of our getting too polished and morphing into something smoothly professional. Which would suck.
Do you know why I wanted this show? Because Late Night with David Letterman played with the rules and it looked like fun. Here was a place where people did risky comedy every night for millions of people. We had to keep this thing alive. There should be a place on a big network where people are still messing around.
Playboy: How bad were your early days on the show? O'Brien: Bad. Dave left here under a cloud: his fans and the media were angry with NBC. Then NBC picks a guy with crazy hair and a weird name. And the world says, "Harvard? Those guys are assholes." I sincerely hope that the winter of December 1993, our first winter, was the worst time I will ever have. I'd go out to do the warm up and the back two rows of seats would be empty. That's hard to look at. I would tell a joke and then hear someone whisper, "Who's he? Where's Dave?"
Playboy: You had trouble getting guests. O'Brien: Bob Denver canceled on us. We shot a test show with Al Lewis of The Munsters. We did the clutch cargo thing with a photo of Herman Munster. Unfortunately, Fred Gwynne, who played Herman, had recently died, and Al Lewis kept pointing at the screen, saying, "You're dead! I was at your funeral!"
Playboy: For months you got worried notes from network executives. What did they say? O'Brien: They were worried. The fact that Lorne Michaels was involved bought me some time. But Lorne had turned to me at the start and said, "OK, Conan. What do you want to do?" Now television critics were after me and the network was starting to realize what a risk I was. Suggestions came fast and furious. I kept the note that said, "Why don't you just die?"
Playboy: Did they suggest ways to be funnier? O'Brien: They were more specific and tactical. The network gets very specific data. Say there was a drop in ratings between 12:44 and 12:48 when I was talking to Jon Bon Jovi. I'll be told, "Don't ever talk to him again" Or they'll want me to tease viewers into staying with us: "You should tease that -- say, 'We'll have nudity coming up next!'"
Playboy: You did come close to being cancelled. O'Brien: We were cancelled.
Playboy: Really? You have never admitted that. O'Brien: This is the first time I've talked about it. When I had been on for about a year, there was a meeting at the network. They decided to cancel my show. They said, "It's cancelled." Next day they realized they had nothing to put in the 12:30 slot, so we got a reprieve.
Playboy: Were you worried sick? O'Brien: I went into denial. I tried hard not to think, Yes, I'm bad on the air and my show has none of the things a TV show needs to survive. We had no ratings. No critics in our corner. Advertisers didn't like us. Affiliates wanted to drop us. Sometimes I'd meet a programming director from a local station where we had no rating at all. The guy would show me a printout with no number for Late Night's rating, just a hash mark or pound sign. I didn't dare think about that when I went out to do the show.
Playboy: Are you defending denial? O'Brien: How else does anyone get through a terrible experience? The odds were against me. Rationally, I didn't have much chance. Denial was my only friend. When I look back on the first year, it's like a scene from an old war movie: Ordinary guy gets thrown into combat, somehow beats impossible odds, staggers to safety. His buddy say, "You could have been killed!" The guy stops and thinks. "Could have been killed?" he says. His eyes cross and he faints.
Playboy: How did you dodge the bullet? O'Brien: There were people at NBC who stood up for me. I will always be indebted to Don Ohlmeyer, who stuck to his guns. Don said, "We chose this guy. We should stick with him unless we get a better plan." He was brutally honest. He came to me and said, "Give me about a 15 percent bump in the ratings and you'll stay on the air. If not, we're going to move on."
Playboy: Ohlmeyer started his career in the sports division. O'Brien: Exactly, his take was, "You're on our team." Of course, it wasn't exactly rational of Don to hope I'd be 15 percent funnier. It was like telling a farmer, "It better rain this week or we'll take your farm away."
Playboy: What did you say to Ohlmeyer? O'Brien: There wasn't time. I had to go out and do a monologue. But I will always be indebted to Don because he told me the truth. Wait a minute -- you have tricked me into talking lovingly about an NBC executive. Let me say that there were others who were beneath contempt -- executives who wouldn't know a good show if it swam up their asses and lit a campfire.
Playboy: Finally the ratings went your way. Hard work rewarded? O'Brien: Well, I also paid off the Nielsen people. That was $140,000 well spent.
Playboy: Ohlmeyer plus bribery saved you? O'Brien: There was something else. Just when everyone was kicking the crap out of the show, Letterman defended me.
Playboy: Letterman had signed off on NBC saying, "I don't really know Conan O'Brien, but I heard he killed someone." O'Brien: Then I pick up the paper and he's saying he thinks I am going to make it. "They do some interesting, innovative stuff over there," he says. "I think Conan will prevail." And then he came on as a guest. Remember, this was when we were at our nadir. There was no Machiavellian reason for David Letterman, who at the time was the biggest thing in show business, to be on my show.
Playboy: Why did he do it? O'Brien: I'm still not sure. Maybe out of a sense of honor. Fair play. And it woke me up. It made me think. Hey, we have a real fucking television show here.
Of six or seven pivotal points in my short history here, that was the first and maybe the biggest. I wouldn't be sitting here -- I probably wouldn't even exist today -- if he hadn't done our show.
Playboy: The Late Night wars were hardly noted for friendly gestures. O'Brien: How little you understand. Jay, Dave and I pal around all the time. We often ride a bicycle built for three up to the country. "Nice job with Fran Drescher!" "Thanks, pal. You weren't so bad with John Tesh." We sleep in triple-decker bunk beds and snore in unison like the Three Stooges.
Playboy: You talk more about Letterman than your NBC teammate Leno. O'Brien: I hate the "Leno or Letterman, who's better?" question. I can tell you that Jay has been great to me. He calls me occasionally.
Playboy: To say what? O'Brien: (Doing Leno's voice) "Hey, liked that bit you did last night." Or he'll say he saw we got a good rating. I call him at work, too. It can be a strange conversation because we're so different. Jay, for instance, really loves cars. He's got antique cars with kerosene lanterns, cars that run on peat moss. He'll be telling me about some classic car he has, made entirely of brass and leather, and I'll say, "Yeah, man, I got the Taurus with the vinyl." One thing we have in common is bad guests. There are certain actors, celebrities with nothing to say, who move through the talk show world wreaking havoc. They lay waste to Dave's town and Jay's town, then head my way.
Playboy: You must be getting some good guests. Your ratings have shown a marked improvement. O'Brien: Remember, when you're on at 12:30 the Nielsens are based on 80 people. My ratings drop if one person has a head cold and goes to bed early.
Playboy: Actually, you're seen by about 3 million people a night. Your ratings would be even higher if college dorms weren't excluded from the Nielsens. How many points does that cost you? O'Brien: I told you I'm an idiot. Now I have to do math too?
Playboy: Do you still get suggestions from NBC executives? O'Brien: Not as many. The number of notes you get is inversely proportional to your ratings.
Playboy: What keeps you motivated? O'Brien: Superstition. We have a stagehand, Bobby Bowman, who holds up the curtain when I run out for the monologue. He is the last person I see before the show starts, and I have to make him laugh before I go out. It started with mild jabs: "Bobby, you're drunk again." Bobby laughs, "Heehee."" Then it was, "Still having trouble with the wife, Bobby?" But after hundreds of shows, you find yourself running out of lines. It's gotten to where I do crass things at the last second. I'll put his hand on my ass and yell, "You fucking pervert!" Or drop to my knees and say, "Come on, Bobby, I'll give you a blow job!"
"Ha-ha. Conan, you're crazy," he says. But even that stuff wears off. Soon, I'll be making the writers work late to give me new jokes for Bobby.
Playboy: Did you plan to be a talk show host or did you fall into the job? O'Brien: I was an Irish Catholic kid from St. Ignatius parish in Brookline, outside of Boston. And that meant: Don't call attention to yourself. Don't ask for too much when the pie comes around. Don't get a girl pregnant and fuck up your life.
Playboy: Were you an alter boy? O'Brien: I wanted to be an alter boy, but the priest at St. Ignatius said, "No, no. You're good on your feet, kid," and made me a lector. A scripture reader at Mass. He was the one who spotted my talent.
Playboy: What did you think of sex in those days? O'Brien: I was sexually repressed. At 16 I still thought human reproduction was by mitosis.
Playboy: How did you get over your sexual repression? O'Brien: Who says I got over it? My leg has been jiggling this whole time.
Playboy: What were you like in high school? O'Brien: Like a crane galumphing down the hall. A crane with weird hair, bad skin and Clearasil. Big enough for basketball but lousy at it. My older brothers were better. I would compensate by running around the court doing comedy, saying, "Look out, this player has a drug addiction. He's incredibly egotistical."
I was an asshole at home, too. My little brother Justin loved playing cops and robbers, but I kept tying him up with bureaucratic bullshit. When he'd catch me, I'd say, "I get to call my lawyer." Then it was, "OK, Justin, we're at trial and you've been charged with illegal arrest. Fill out these forms in triplicate." Justin was eight; he hated all the lawsuits and countersuits. He just cried.
Playboy: Were you a class clown? O'Brien: Never. I was never someone who walked into a room full of strangers and started telling jokes. You had to get to know me before I could make you laugh. The same thing happened with Late Night. I needed to get the right rhythm with Andy and Max and the audience.
Playboy: So how did you finally learn about sex? O'Brien: My parents gave me a book, but it was useless. At the crucial moment, all it showed was a man and a woman with the bed covers pulled up to their chins. I tried to find out more from friends, but it didn't help. One childhood friend told me it was like parking a car in a garage. I kept worrying about poisonous fumes. What if the fumes build up? Should you shut off the engine?
Playboy: For all your talk about being repressed, you can be rowdy on the air. O'Brien: The show is my escape valve. When I tear off my shirt and gyrate my pelvis like Robert Plant, feigning orgasm into the microphone, that shows how repressed I am -- a guy who wants to push his sex at the lens but can only do it as a joke.
Playboy: Aren't you tempted to live it up? O'Brien: I always imagined that if I were a TV star I would live the way I pictured Johnny Carson living. Carousing, stepping out of a limo wearing a velvet ascot with a model on my arm. Now that I have the TV show, I drive up to Connecticut on the weekends and tool around in my car. I could probably join a free-sex cult, smoke crack between orgies and drive sports cars into swimming pools, and my Catholic guilt would still be there, throbbing like a toothache. Be careful. If something good happens, something bad is on the way.
Playboy: Yet you don't mind licking the supermodels. O'Brien: At one point a few of them lived in my building, women who are so beautiful they almost look weird, like aliens. To me, a woman who has a certain approachable amount of beauty becomes almost funny. It's the same with male supermodels. They look like big puppets. So while I admire their beauty I probably won't be "romantically linked" with a model. I'd catch my reflection in a ballroom mirror and break up laughing.
Playboy: The horny Roy Orbison growl you use on gorgeous guests sounds real enough -- O'Brien: Oh, I've been doing that shit since high school. It just never worked before.
Playboy: Your father is a doctor, your mother an attorney. What do they think of their son the comedian? O'Brien: My dad was the one who told me denial was a virtue. "Denial is how people get through horrible things," he said. He also cut out a newspaper article in which I said I was making money off something for which I should probably be treated. So true, he thought. But when I got an Emmy for helping write Saturday Night Live, my parents put it on the mantel next to the crucifix. Here's Jesus looking over, saying, "Wow, I saved mankind from sin, but I wish I had an Emmy."
Playboy: Ever been in therapy? O'Brien: Yes. I don't trust it. I have told therapists that I don't particularly want to feel good. "Repression and fear, that's my fuel." But the therapists said that I had nothing to worry about. "Don't worry Conan you will always be plenty fucked up."
Playboy: When a female guest comes out, how do you know whether to shake her hand or kiss her? Is that rehearsed O'Brien: No, and it's awkward. If you go to shake her hand and her head starts coming right at you, you have to change strategy fast. I have thought about using the show to make women kiss me, but that would probably creep out the people at home. I decided not to kiss Elton John.
Playboy: Do you get all fired up if Cindy Crawford or Rebecca Romijn does the show? O'Brien: I like making women laugh. Always have, ever since I discovered you can get girls' attention by acting like an ass. That's one of the joys of the show -- I'm working my eyebrows and going grrr and she's laughing, the audience is laughing. It's all a big put-on and I'm thinking. This is great. Here is a beautiful woman who has no choice but to put up with this shit.
But it's not always put on. Sometimes they flirt back. Sometimes there's a bit of chemistry. That happened with Jennifer Connelly of The Rocketeer.
Playboy: One guest, Jill Hennessy, took off her pants for you. Then you removed yours. Even Penn and Teller took off their pants. O'Brien: Something comes over me. It happened with Rebecca Romijn -- I was practically climbing her. Those are the times when Andy and the audience seem to disappear and it's just me and this lovely woman sitting there flirting. I keep expecting a waiter to say, "More wine, Monsieur?"
Playboy: Would you lick the wine bottle? O'Brien: It's true, there's a lot of licking on the show. I have licked guests. I have licked Andy. Comedy professionals will read this and say, "Great work, Conan. Impressive." But I have learned that if you lick a guest, people laugh. If I pick this shoe off the floor, examine it, Hmmm, and then lick it, people laugh. I learned this lesson on The Simpsons, where I was the writer who was forever trying to entertain the other writers. I still try desperately to make our writers laugh, which is probably a sign of sickness since they work for me now. Licking is one of those things that look funny.
Playboy: Johnny Carson never licked Ed McMahon. O'Brien: We are much more physical and more stupid than the old Tonight Show. Even in our offices before the show there's always some writer acting out a scene crashing his head through my door. A behind-the-scenes look at our show might frighten people.
Playboy: One night you showed a doctored photo of Craig T. Nelson having sex with Jerry Van Dyke. Did they complain about it? O'Brien: I haven't heard from them. Of course I'm blessed not to be a part of the celebrity pond. I have a television show in New York, an NBC outpost. I don't run with or even run into many Hollywood people.
Playboy: You also announced that Tori Spelling has a penis. O'Brien: I did not. Polly the Peacock said that.
Playboy: Another character you use to say the outrageous stuff. O'Brien: Polly is not popular with the network.
Playboy: You mock Fabio, too. O'Brien: If he sues me, it'll be the best thing that ever happened. A publicity bonanza: Courtroom sketches of Fabio with his man-boobs quivering, shaking his fist, and me shouting at him across the courtroom. I'm not afraid of Fabio. He knows where to find me. I'm saying it right here for the record: Fabio, let's get it on.
Playboy: Ever have a run-in with an angry celeb? O'Brien: I did a Kelsey Grammar joke a few years ago, something about his interesting lifestyle, then heard through the network that he was upset. He had appeared on my show and expected some support. At this point my intellect says, "Kelsey Grammar is a public figure. I was in the right." Then I saw him in an airport. Kelsey didn't see me at first: I could have kept walking. But there he was, eating a cruller in the airport lounge. I thought I should go over. I said hello and then said, "Kelsey, I'm sorry if I upset you." And he was glad. He looked relieved. He said, "Oh, that's OK." We both felt better.
....See my other post with the last third of the interview