Home health aide job description for resume
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2024.06.01 13:51 SheepherderWeird1216 Forced Role Change at My Company (Peer Recovery Coach)
Hello All,
I am a bachelor's level social worker. I have been the case manager of an emergency response team that is run by two LCSWs but the program covers four different counties that are all ran by peer recovery coaches. The point of my role was to assist with identifying mental health needs of clients and fulfilling the needs of the clients social determinants of health.
As the years have gone by (2 years ans 4 months) my role has become increasingly more obsolete. I offer to help out in any way that I csn but my supervision has been minimal. I was promised that I would have direct supervision from a LCSW working alongside them but that never happened.
In the past 5 months I have been slowly utilized less and less and seemingly pushed out of decisions that I was supposed to be a part of per my job description. I just so happen to also be in recovery and my anonymity was broken a few months into the job so I chose to disclose that I was in recovery to my supervisor.
The new chief of behavior health has been attempting to make everything uniform across the counties and they never hired another bachelor's level social worker either so I kind of got stuck with the county with the highest amount of need. There was talk of me taking on clients as a recovery coach role in addition to my normal job description. I had a feeling they were going to try to eliminate my position in the past few months but have been hanging on due to the fact that I have severe spinal stenosis that was misdiagnosed as arthritus.
On 5-14 my condition escalated to emergent conditions and I was having trouble getting a hold of my boss so I just went to the ER. When my boss finally called me back she asked me if I was still planning to go to the MAT training the next day to which I replied I had no idea, due to the fact that I was waiting on the neurosurgeon to review my case. She seemed upset that I missed an intake even though I was literally facing permanent nerve damage.
After my surgery I had to call her even though I was on PTO because of a client situation. She chose that time to tell me that they were going to eliminate my position as a case manager and wanted me to take on a peer coach which was obviously upsetting to me at the time. I requested a meeting with her and the chief behavior health officer.
We met on 5-20 and they backtracked and said that my position was not being eliminated but they did want to have me work as a peer coach and eliminate some of my responsibilities. I was told that the coordinator who is a peer coach would be my immediate day to day supervisor but I would still meet with my LCSW supervisor biweekly.
At this point I am applying for other positions as I cannot take any more of this complete and utter lack of respect. However, until then how do I address the NASW code of ethics as a social worker? Peer coaching requires self disclosure which I am not comfortable with entirely. I want to argue to protect my profession but I also can't afford to get fired or quit outright. I feel this is severely unethical to put me in this position. Does anyone have any insight? I am in Indiana if that helps at all.
Thank you.
submitted by SheepherderWeird1216 to socialwork [link] [comments]
I am a bachelor's level social worker. I have been the case manager of an emergency response team that is run by two LCSWs but the program covers four different counties that are all ran by peer recovery coaches. The point of my role was to assist with identifying mental health needs of clients and fulfilling the needs of the clients social determinants of health.
As the years have gone by (2 years ans 4 months) my role has become increasingly more obsolete. I offer to help out in any way that I csn but my supervision has been minimal. I was promised that I would have direct supervision from a LCSW working alongside them but that never happened.
In the past 5 months I have been slowly utilized less and less and seemingly pushed out of decisions that I was supposed to be a part of per my job description. I just so happen to also be in recovery and my anonymity was broken a few months into the job so I chose to disclose that I was in recovery to my supervisor.
The new chief of behavior health has been attempting to make everything uniform across the counties and they never hired another bachelor's level social worker either so I kind of got stuck with the county with the highest amount of need. There was talk of me taking on clients as a recovery coach role in addition to my normal job description. I had a feeling they were going to try to eliminate my position in the past few months but have been hanging on due to the fact that I have severe spinal stenosis that was misdiagnosed as arthritus.
On 5-14 my condition escalated to emergent conditions and I was having trouble getting a hold of my boss so I just went to the ER. When my boss finally called me back she asked me if I was still planning to go to the MAT training the next day to which I replied I had no idea, due to the fact that I was waiting on the neurosurgeon to review my case. She seemed upset that I missed an intake even though I was literally facing permanent nerve damage.
After my surgery I had to call her even though I was on PTO because of a client situation. She chose that time to tell me that they were going to eliminate my position as a case manager and wanted me to take on a peer coach which was obviously upsetting to me at the time. I requested a meeting with her and the chief behavior health officer.
We met on 5-20 and they backtracked and said that my position was not being eliminated but they did want to have me work as a peer coach and eliminate some of my responsibilities. I was told that the coordinator who is a peer coach would be my immediate day to day supervisor but I would still meet with my LCSW supervisor biweekly.
At this point I am applying for other positions as I cannot take any more of this complete and utter lack of respect. However, until then how do I address the NASW code of ethics as a social worker? Peer coaching requires self disclosure which I am not comfortable with entirely. I want to argue to protect my profession but I also can't afford to get fired or quit outright. I feel this is severely unethical to put me in this position. Does anyone have any insight? I am in Indiana if that helps at all.
Thank you.
2024.06.01 13:35 barefootinjandals [UK] Upward Bullying and Grievance
Hi, I wanted to know what my rights are and what options I have available to me for the below situation. I've only been in this job for 6 months and am currently off work with stress (my GP has signed me off for a month).
I started a new job in January this year. Before I started I was made aware that one of my direct reports. let's call them Bob, had unsuccessfully applied for my role and would I be happy to coach them to help them should any other senior roles became available. Which I was and did! Bob didn't want to be coached by me.
My second day in my new job and Bob is notably not happy. There's atmosphere but I don't feel it's directed towards me as they are also cold towards others. In contrast, they happily chat away to two of their colleagues, who I later discovered are a clique.
We have our first team meeting, during which I wanted to discuss how the team work so I can get a feeling of the team culture. One of the questions I ask is how do they inform each other their location; working from home, in the office, sick, holiday, training, etc, is there a team calendar? I'm told they don't, so I show them a location tracker that was used in my previous job. Bob speaks up and says they think I am a micromanager and it's no business of mine where the team are. My response is that I'm sorry Bob feels that way but as a manager I do need know where my team are. Bob continues on this 'micromanaging' trajectory and says the person they will inform is Sue because Sue won't come into the office if Bob is not there. I ask the rest for their opinions, they all put their heads down and say nothing; Bob says they're speaking for the team. I assertively interrupt Bob and move on to a different subject, which is also heavily criticised by Bob.
I was shaken by Bob's behaviour during the team meeting but I thought it through and decided that perhaps it was the way I approached the subject. I set-up in-person 1:2:1s with my team, and mention to Bob that I would discuss what happen during the team meeting to gain an understanding of how they felt it went and to discuss their ideas. Bob refuses to meet with me, to which I remind them that it is important that we have 1:2:1s and that we discuss what happened in the team meeting as from a new manager's perspective I want to learn if I could have handled the subject better; if it made Bob feel comfortable we could have the meeting away from the workplace, in a nearby cafe. Bob replies that I am harassing them, could I please leave them alone. I eventually convince Bob to talk to me, but it's on-line only (I'm in a private meeting room, Bob's at home). Bob denies they called me a micromanager, however, when pressed they suddenly remember that I am a micromanager and call me some unsavoury names. Before I have a chance to retort, Bob says they want to move on from all this and could we start again. I agree to. I don't want this hassle during my first week.
Shortly after my meeting with Bob, my manager asks if everything is okay. When I say everything is, they say that's not what they've heard, could we have a private chat. I tell them about the micromanaging accusations and the name calling. They're appalled and state that they have also had similar problems with Bob, as has others, so it's off to HR we go. HR's advice is not to take formal action but to keep a diary of events, which I start doing.
Bob's behaviour doesn't improve, they don't follow my instructions and everything I say is because I'm out to get them. There was one incident whereby Bob wanted to take time off just before a big project deadline was due. I ask how they were getting on with the project and were they on track to meet the deadline. I get no response. I state that I can't approve any leave until I'm satisfied that the deadline will be met because the deadline cannot be moved. Bob says that our dept director approved their leave. I say, that's fine and I will speak to the director. No response from Bob. I instead speak to my line manager who agrees, no leave until they can prove that they are on track with the deadline ahead of schedule. I report this back to Bob, no response.
The next day I'm called into HR, Bob has raised a formal complaint against me. HR have told Bob that they have no grounds to raise a formal grievance as I am within my right to decline leave for the reason I gave but recognise there are issues with our working relationship therefore they would like explore mediation. Bob initially refuses the mediation. In the meantime, I discover that Bob has been having regular meetings with my line manager to gain clarification on my instructions and to complain about me. They started to going HR when my manager refused to take their complaints further. Not once did Bob ask me to clarify anything nor did they raise any issues with me.
We eventually have the mediation, during which Bob reads out a statement which was an attack on my personality and there was very little about our working relationship. During the statement Bob states that no-one in the organisation likes me as they see me as problematic and I have created an unsafe environment for all to work in (there are 1000+ staff - so I know this isn't true). I'm a liar and I'm not to be trusted. Bob is scared of me because they've seen what I am capable of and are scared I will turn violent. Bob has had to take over management of the team because of my actions. Again, not true.
I leave the mediation visibly upset, my colleagues show concern and my manager clears their calendar for the afternoon. I'm sent home and HR contacts me as my manager has said I may want to raise a grievance. HR advise I can't raise anything based on the mediation nor can I discuss what happened in the mediation with anyone, including my line manager (which I already have but they kindly chose to ignore this), but I can regarding the alleged malicious complaints and upward bullying. So, I do.
Bob raises a counter grievance, which I expect they would. In their grievance, Bob included what I allegedly said in the mediation, what others (their clique) has said about me, and also raises my health issues. Bob says I only disclosed my health issues because I wanted to gaslight and control the team. My health issues are/were; I'm going through the peri-menopause and was experiencing adverse side-effects with the HRT I was prescribed; I experienced heavy bleeding to the point I couldn't leave my home. Just as I was starting this job, my GP changed my prescription which would eventually stop the heavy bleeding but it brought on vertigo attacks. As a result I needed to work from home most days and thought it was best to explain to my team why. Prior to doing so, I referred to company policy, spoke to my line manager, and referred to ACAS's advice on disclosing menopause to staff. I'm now fine, the side-effects are no more.
It's this counter-grievance which is worrying me, why is Bob able to use:
I'm also worried about my sick leave, a month is a long time and I am still my probation. But I can't work, I'm paranoid that people do hate me plus if I do go to work that Bob will find more things to complain about - honestly, I get a new complaint every week, even when I was holiday I offended Bob. I can't deal with the constant complaints, they've taken over my working life. I've spoken the Occupational Health nurse and they've reassured me that the best place for me is home to recover, at this time they wouldn't agree for me to return to work before the sick note expires.
While I'm awaiting the outcome of both grievances, what should I be considering? I know that in the UK I have limit rights as I've only been in the job for 5 months, but is there something I can consider? Or should I just wait for the outcome and deal with it then?
Thank you
submitted by barefootinjandals to AskHR [link] [comments]
I started a new job in January this year. Before I started I was made aware that one of my direct reports. let's call them Bob, had unsuccessfully applied for my role and would I be happy to coach them to help them should any other senior roles became available. Which I was and did! Bob didn't want to be coached by me.
My second day in my new job and Bob is notably not happy. There's atmosphere but I don't feel it's directed towards me as they are also cold towards others. In contrast, they happily chat away to two of their colleagues, who I later discovered are a clique.
We have our first team meeting, during which I wanted to discuss how the team work so I can get a feeling of the team culture. One of the questions I ask is how do they inform each other their location; working from home, in the office, sick, holiday, training, etc, is there a team calendar? I'm told they don't, so I show them a location tracker that was used in my previous job. Bob speaks up and says they think I am a micromanager and it's no business of mine where the team are. My response is that I'm sorry Bob feels that way but as a manager I do need know where my team are. Bob continues on this 'micromanaging' trajectory and says the person they will inform is Sue because Sue won't come into the office if Bob is not there. I ask the rest for their opinions, they all put their heads down and say nothing; Bob says they're speaking for the team. I assertively interrupt Bob and move on to a different subject, which is also heavily criticised by Bob.
I was shaken by Bob's behaviour during the team meeting but I thought it through and decided that perhaps it was the way I approached the subject. I set-up in-person 1:2:1s with my team, and mention to Bob that I would discuss what happen during the team meeting to gain an understanding of how they felt it went and to discuss their ideas. Bob refuses to meet with me, to which I remind them that it is important that we have 1:2:1s and that we discuss what happened in the team meeting as from a new manager's perspective I want to learn if I could have handled the subject better; if it made Bob feel comfortable we could have the meeting away from the workplace, in a nearby cafe. Bob replies that I am harassing them, could I please leave them alone. I eventually convince Bob to talk to me, but it's on-line only (I'm in a private meeting room, Bob's at home). Bob denies they called me a micromanager, however, when pressed they suddenly remember that I am a micromanager and call me some unsavoury names. Before I have a chance to retort, Bob says they want to move on from all this and could we start again. I agree to. I don't want this hassle during my first week.
Shortly after my meeting with Bob, my manager asks if everything is okay. When I say everything is, they say that's not what they've heard, could we have a private chat. I tell them about the micromanaging accusations and the name calling. They're appalled and state that they have also had similar problems with Bob, as has others, so it's off to HR we go. HR's advice is not to take formal action but to keep a diary of events, which I start doing.
Bob's behaviour doesn't improve, they don't follow my instructions and everything I say is because I'm out to get them. There was one incident whereby Bob wanted to take time off just before a big project deadline was due. I ask how they were getting on with the project and were they on track to meet the deadline. I get no response. I state that I can't approve any leave until I'm satisfied that the deadline will be met because the deadline cannot be moved. Bob says that our dept director approved their leave. I say, that's fine and I will speak to the director. No response from Bob. I instead speak to my line manager who agrees, no leave until they can prove that they are on track with the deadline ahead of schedule. I report this back to Bob, no response.
The next day I'm called into HR, Bob has raised a formal complaint against me. HR have told Bob that they have no grounds to raise a formal grievance as I am within my right to decline leave for the reason I gave but recognise there are issues with our working relationship therefore they would like explore mediation. Bob initially refuses the mediation. In the meantime, I discover that Bob has been having regular meetings with my line manager to gain clarification on my instructions and to complain about me. They started to going HR when my manager refused to take their complaints further. Not once did Bob ask me to clarify anything nor did they raise any issues with me.
We eventually have the mediation, during which Bob reads out a statement which was an attack on my personality and there was very little about our working relationship. During the statement Bob states that no-one in the organisation likes me as they see me as problematic and I have created an unsafe environment for all to work in (there are 1000+ staff - so I know this isn't true). I'm a liar and I'm not to be trusted. Bob is scared of me because they've seen what I am capable of and are scared I will turn violent. Bob has had to take over management of the team because of my actions. Again, not true.
I leave the mediation visibly upset, my colleagues show concern and my manager clears their calendar for the afternoon. I'm sent home and HR contacts me as my manager has said I may want to raise a grievance. HR advise I can't raise anything based on the mediation nor can I discuss what happened in the mediation with anyone, including my line manager (which I already have but they kindly chose to ignore this), but I can regarding the alleged malicious complaints and upward bullying. So, I do.
Bob raises a counter grievance, which I expect they would. In their grievance, Bob included what I allegedly said in the mediation, what others (their clique) has said about me, and also raises my health issues. Bob says I only disclosed my health issues because I wanted to gaslight and control the team. My health issues are/were; I'm going through the peri-menopause and was experiencing adverse side-effects with the HRT I was prescribed; I experienced heavy bleeding to the point I couldn't leave my home. Just as I was starting this job, my GP changed my prescription which would eventually stop the heavy bleeding but it brought on vertigo attacks. As a result I needed to work from home most days and thought it was best to explain to my team why. Prior to doing so, I referred to company policy, spoke to my line manager, and referred to ACAS's advice on disclosing menopause to staff. I'm now fine, the side-effects are no more.
It's this counter-grievance which is worrying me, why is Bob able to use:
- what was said in the mediation to form a grievance, while I'm not?
- someone's health condition, which is unavoidable, to form a grievance. Is this ageist or ableist?
I'm also worried about my sick leave, a month is a long time and I am still my probation. But I can't work, I'm paranoid that people do hate me plus if I do go to work that Bob will find more things to complain about - honestly, I get a new complaint every week, even when I was holiday I offended Bob. I can't deal with the constant complaints, they've taken over my working life. I've spoken the Occupational Health nurse and they've reassured me that the best place for me is home to recover, at this time they wouldn't agree for me to return to work before the sick note expires.
While I'm awaiting the outcome of both grievances, what should I be considering? I know that in the UK I have limit rights as I've only been in the job for 5 months, but is there something I can consider? Or should I just wait for the outcome and deal with it then?
Thank you
2024.06.01 13:25 Rhase The housing crisis.
I am so fucking tired of suffering housing insecurity. I made 70k+ the past 3 years and now clear 6 figures in a new role. I shouldn't be suffering housing insecurity.
I'm not even talking buying; obviously I should be able to afford to buy but low 6 figures gives you no real buying power in this market. Or period in New England.
I'm talking rentals. I've been forced farther and farther from Boston, which okay I guess fair enough but rents went up 50% in less than 2 years. Now you can't even find a place for less than 2k/m without housemates. And even when you FIND an amazing place where you're finally approaching feeling safe with good people, the landlords in MA are such cunts they'll rip the carpet right out from under you (Kelly Ryan Real estate; refused to renew the lease after I asked for a heads up if someone is entering the home after they sent two teenagers over unannounced and I found them rummaging through our stuff. They sure showed me how meaningless I was and how powerful they were. Housemate warned me the family had extreme anger issues. I was too scared of home invaders to remember that.)
If you're not dual income you're fucked. Even if your single income clears most dual income households. I make too much to qualify for any programs to help with housing security, but to little to keep a stable home.
I'm in bed nerves completely raw because the current landlord sold the house with a month and a half notice to fuck off. My current best bet is renting from a guy who is larger than me, a combat veteran with guns. I'm a 130lb woman. I'm scared shitless. I want to believe people are good and that I won't get raped or murdered. But christ I just want a safe home.
My literal logic is it's safer to take this risk than the risk of living in my car where I will be very exposed and explicitly targeted.
I just hate that this housing crisis has been at minimum in development for 10 years, I was frustrated a decade ago by my lack of buying power. I remember using the term housing crisis as early as 6 years ago. Nothing has been done! Even with it being a big political buzzword right now and we'll past boiling over, I do not trust the american government to do anything.
I'm just bone tired exhausted of moving multiple times a year to avoid being evicted or to escape violent situations. I'm just trying to keep rent under a paycheck like grandpa always taught me. That's $1,555, and that's not enough to live safely alone. I also haven't been able to hit that goal for 3 years, WITH housemates (prior to this job 25% was 1k).
I get that so many people have it worse and that I am "fortunate" but it pisses me off so much that the quality of life in America has plummeted to the point my situation is fortunate.
I've worked so hard and I'm still laying in bed right now, chest feeling raw, electric and shot from nerves, because once again I'm being forced to move in a hurry against my will and I'm scared for my safety.
I haven't felt "home" in 4 years, since moving to MA. It has taken a massive toll on my mental health and emotional wellbeing. I don't trust anything to last anymore. I'm exhausted. I can't imagine a world where everything is okay and I'm safe.
submitted by Rhase to rant [link] [comments]
I'm not even talking buying; obviously I should be able to afford to buy but low 6 figures gives you no real buying power in this market. Or period in New England.
I'm talking rentals. I've been forced farther and farther from Boston, which okay I guess fair enough but rents went up 50% in less than 2 years. Now you can't even find a place for less than 2k/m without housemates. And even when you FIND an amazing place where you're finally approaching feeling safe with good people, the landlords in MA are such cunts they'll rip the carpet right out from under you (Kelly Ryan Real estate; refused to renew the lease after I asked for a heads up if someone is entering the home after they sent two teenagers over unannounced and I found them rummaging through our stuff. They sure showed me how meaningless I was and how powerful they were. Housemate warned me the family had extreme anger issues. I was too scared of home invaders to remember that.)
If you're not dual income you're fucked. Even if your single income clears most dual income households. I make too much to qualify for any programs to help with housing security, but to little to keep a stable home.
I'm in bed nerves completely raw because the current landlord sold the house with a month and a half notice to fuck off. My current best bet is renting from a guy who is larger than me, a combat veteran with guns. I'm a 130lb woman. I'm scared shitless. I want to believe people are good and that I won't get raped or murdered. But christ I just want a safe home.
My literal logic is it's safer to take this risk than the risk of living in my car where I will be very exposed and explicitly targeted.
I just hate that this housing crisis has been at minimum in development for 10 years, I was frustrated a decade ago by my lack of buying power. I remember using the term housing crisis as early as 6 years ago. Nothing has been done! Even with it being a big political buzzword right now and we'll past boiling over, I do not trust the american government to do anything.
I'm just bone tired exhausted of moving multiple times a year to avoid being evicted or to escape violent situations. I'm just trying to keep rent under a paycheck like grandpa always taught me. That's $1,555, and that's not enough to live safely alone. I also haven't been able to hit that goal for 3 years, WITH housemates (prior to this job 25% was 1k).
I get that so many people have it worse and that I am "fortunate" but it pisses me off so much that the quality of life in America has plummeted to the point my situation is fortunate.
I've worked so hard and I'm still laying in bed right now, chest feeling raw, electric and shot from nerves, because once again I'm being forced to move in a hurry against my will and I'm scared for my safety.
I haven't felt "home" in 4 years, since moving to MA. It has taken a massive toll on my mental health and emotional wellbeing. I don't trust anything to last anymore. I'm exhausted. I can't imagine a world where everything is okay and I'm safe.
2024.06.01 13:21 debzz_z My (34F) brain thinks I'm cheating, but I'm not
Hello everyone, first of all English isn't my first language, I'm on mobile, and I tend to ramble, so I'm sorry about that. I (34F) am in a short relationship (4 months) with L (28M), he's very kind and sweet, and I'm still adapting to this whole new relationship thing, for this last sentence I'll give you some background. My last serious relationship lasted for 3,5 years between me (24F at the time) and F (21M at the time). It started after we matched on a dating app and we went on our first date. Our first date was crazy perfect, he picked me up on a garden and we went to a tattoo/piercing shop where we got pierced. We talked for hours until evening, and he invited me to eat pizza at his place with his dad lol. It was super late by then, and I lived far far away, so we slept together just cuddling, nothing else. Since then we would meet each other every day. One time (6 months into the relationship) he rear ended another vehicle while going back home. So I decided to move closer to him, because the commute was getting to us. So I did. One week into the new lease, I had an accident and broke my ankle. So he decided that it was better for me to stay at his place to recover (bigger house, access to vehicles, and accessible in general). Three months and two surgeries after I decided it was time for me to go home, but he would convince me to "postpone just one more week" every time, and I would always oblige (I know the little doormat I sometimes am). And things would go like that until I hit the one year mark into that lease. And I said to him "or I move back home or I move definitely here, there's no middle therm", so I moved into his place. I offered to pay rent but he refused. Until this moment the relationship was perfect, his father also lived at that place, and we would always cook together, sing together, go for short trips, etc. But after a while I started to have symptoms of anxiety and depression. Until one day I had a panic attack by just sitting in front of my computer at work. I started to treat that and the doctors said I would have to stop work for a bit, because it was super serious (I don't want to go into too much details for that). At the beginning he was super supportive, but now I know that to have a relationship with someone w/ depression and anxiety it's super hard, 0/10 not recommend. So he and his friends started to be petty to me, and I noticed. One day me, him and his friend went for dinner and I got catchup for me. His friends started to berate me on how catchup is bad for my health and that I should stop using it. I simple replied that every time I see him he is smoking his cigarettes and I never said nothing. Or one time that his friend started to talk bad about gold digger women and insinuate that I was one, because I wasn't working. Before stopping to work I had a career in IT, while my bf had an assistant warehouse job, and I used to earn way more than him (that was never important to me before, honestly). So I said "I know I'm not working, but as soon as I get better I'll earn 4 times more than my bf, so your argument doesn't apply". Just wanted to point out that I had my savings, and I was living off it, paying for food, and other bills. My bf then was very mean and cold to me too, and at one point I asked "Do you want me to move out?" and he said "yes". "After that will you break up with me?" And he said "yes". So I activated my survival mode, and started to work my way into leaving. Between that, and getting a job, I started to pack my things quietly, and applying for jobs. All that while mourning the relationship. For him, I was doing nothing, but I was actually already in the way of signing a new lease, going to interviews and packing my things (and hiding in the house), I wanted to just disappear, I felt humiliated to not be able to leave in the next day after that talk. One day he went after me for sex, and I said "don't be like that, I feel like a piece of meat", he answered "so I'm going downstairs to get some salt then", and from that moment on, all the good feelings I had were replaced by disgust and disdain. A couple days after he asked me what I was going to do on next weekend, because he would go on a trip and wouldn't be home, and I said "nothing". I actually went to help the landlord to clean and paint the new place, since I wanted it to be ready ASAP. And I could move in next Wednesday. When I broke the news to him, he looked surprised and said "already??". So I kinda moved all out in less than a day. After that he would always go after me. I was 27 by then, and from that moment on the idea of a relationship would always make me sick. So I had the crazy teenager phase (since I always had long relationships before) and decided that I would be alone. I started to draw a plan to move to New Zealand, as far away from my ex possible and the plans didn't go through. But 3 years later I moved to Europe, my ex would always send messages saying he missed me, even when he was on a relationship, and in one of my birthdays he sent me a picture from his wallet with my picture in it. I replied politely, but I felt disdain honestly. We haven't talked in years now, honestly, and I'm alright with that. I was single for 7 years icking the idea of going through all that again. Ok, so now, what's happening? I'm 34 now, and I have my cute sweet new boyfriend, and every time he comes here to sleep with me I dream that I sneak out the bed to sleep with my ex. Even though I would never do that, even if he was in other bed next to us. I always feel guilty and dirty, like I'm cheating. I spend the days thinking that I should tell my bf, but I don't want to hurt him. All I feel for my ex is disdain and ick. But I feel like I'm hiding something. What do I do?
TL;DR!: Every time my bf sleeps over, I dream that I sneak out of the bed to go to sleep with my ex, and my brain thinks I'm cheating.
submitted by debzz_z to relationships [link] [comments]
TL;DR!: Every time my bf sleeps over, I dream that I sneak out of the bed to go to sleep with my ex, and my brain thinks I'm cheating.
2024.06.01 13:00 ThePacaray Engineering consultant to internal engineer
I currently work as a consultant engineer in the nuclear sector. I'm soon expecting an offer to join the client internally. Below I described what I have currently. I would like to hear if some of you had similar experiences and to have your opinion on what I can expect to negotiate when joining the client.
1. PERSONALIA
submitted by ThePacaray to BESalary [link] [comments]
1. PERSONALIA
- Age: 25
- Education: Masters in industrial engineering
- Work experience : 1 year
- Civil status: single
- Dependent people/children: 0
- SectoIndustry: Engineering Consultancy
- Amount of employees: 2400
- Multinational? YES (a couple of contries in Europe)
- Current job title: Consultant
- Job description: Currently at a client in nuclear sector as project engineer
- Seniority: 1 year
- Official hours/week : 40
- Average real hours/week incl. overtime: 40, currently a bit more
- Shiftwork or 9 to 5 (flexible?): very flexible as long as you do on average 40h/week (rules of the client)
- On-call duty: NO
- Vacation days/year: 20+12 PTO
- Gross salary/month: 2740
- Net salary/month: 2030
- Netto compensation: 105
- Cabike/... or mobility budget: car + fuel card for Belgium
- 13th month (full? partial?): 13.93
- Meal vouchers: 8/DAY
- Ecocheques: 250/YEAR
- Group insurance: 3% of annual gross salary
- Other insurances: DKV (hospitalization, dental, ambulatoire)
- Other benefits (bonuses, stocks options, ... ): plan cafetaria
- City/region of work: Near Liège and in Germany
- Distance home-work: 30km to office, but often travel to a site 300km away (~2 out of 3 weeks for 2 or 3 days)
- How do you commute? car
- How is the travel home-work compensated: when traveling to the site 300km away it counts as work time
- Telework days/week: 1 day/week, but in reality i don't get to do it every week at the moment
- How easily can you plan a day off: 2 weeks in advance, whenever I want
- Is your job stressful? at the moment yes
- Responsible for personnel (reports): no
2024.06.01 12:58 Anthrax731 Thoughts on being the sole provider or accepting support. Ladies please weigh in and share your thoughts.
You see like most young men raised in a traditional Christian household I was taught that the man is the breadwinner and it is the mans job to provide for the wife. I say wife in singular because I was taught this by my late father long before I discussed my decision to pursue polygany.
But as such I have this deep instilled mindset I guess one could say, that it is my job as the man to carry the weight of providing to all my wives. However realistically speaking unless you are some rich oil prince, or a doctor who makes a truck load of money, in the modern day and age one would never be able to support the whole family solely on the shoulders of the man alone.
You often hear that one of the benefits of polygany is that your wives can work alongside you thus lifting or at least easing the burden of providing for the family. Thus the responsibility of breadwinner do not lie solely on the shoulders of the husband.
And it does make sense. More people working together but also sharing a household means more available incomes to share on expenses, and less expenses as everyone shares a home means you can stretch your available income further. It is the same principle any young adult college boy/gal learned while rooming together in college/uni.
But I still struggle between the mindset of "the man is the breadwinner and should carry the responsibility of providing." vs "your wives can help carry the weight of providing."
Now in a homesteading lifestyle it can be argued that the man will do the brunt of the farming and food production and the wives only aiding were necessary. However, even so if you are trying to achieve a fully self sufficient farm, producing all your food on the farm, that includes chickens for egg's, cattle for milk, and meat, vegetables, wheat for bread etc. That is a lot of work to be done by one man alone, especially if you have a large family. Now of course you can get your sons to help out but they still need to go to school and there is also your children's infant stage to consider. As such it is almost a given that most of the breadwinning would actually be done by your wives. But if that is the case then you as the man are not actually stepping up to your role as breadwinner as you are not carrieng the weight of providing.
Please share your thoughts. Ladies please share your views on this aswell.
submitted by Anthrax731 to BiblicalPolygynyUSA [link] [comments]
But as such I have this deep instilled mindset I guess one could say, that it is my job as the man to carry the weight of providing to all my wives. However realistically speaking unless you are some rich oil prince, or a doctor who makes a truck load of money, in the modern day and age one would never be able to support the whole family solely on the shoulders of the man alone.
You often hear that one of the benefits of polygany is that your wives can work alongside you thus lifting or at least easing the burden of providing for the family. Thus the responsibility of breadwinner do not lie solely on the shoulders of the husband.
And it does make sense. More people working together but also sharing a household means more available incomes to share on expenses, and less expenses as everyone shares a home means you can stretch your available income further. It is the same principle any young adult college boy/gal learned while rooming together in college/uni.
But I still struggle between the mindset of "the man is the breadwinner and should carry the responsibility of providing." vs "your wives can help carry the weight of providing."
Now in a homesteading lifestyle it can be argued that the man will do the brunt of the farming and food production and the wives only aiding were necessary. However, even so if you are trying to achieve a fully self sufficient farm, producing all your food on the farm, that includes chickens for egg's, cattle for milk, and meat, vegetables, wheat for bread etc. That is a lot of work to be done by one man alone, especially if you have a large family. Now of course you can get your sons to help out but they still need to go to school and there is also your children's infant stage to consider. As such it is almost a given that most of the breadwinning would actually be done by your wives. But if that is the case then you as the man are not actually stepping up to your role as breadwinner as you are not carrieng the weight of providing.
Please share your thoughts. Ladies please share your views on this aswell.
2024.06.01 12:54 madssaysugh Where all of the “good” nannies have gone. My Roman Empire.
TLDR: Nannying is a very hard job. There would probably be a lot more nannies who work as hard as one needs to do this job well if the pay matched the value and difficulty of the work.
I’ve been pretty active in this sub lately because I’ve been feeling unhappy at my job and it helps to have a community. I wrote this a while ago and have been nervous to post it but I think it’s important. I saw a post in nannyemployers asking where all of the “good” nannies have gone and this was the response I was writing until I realised the replies were to be from NP only.. I would post in the nanny employers sub if I weren’t terrified of the response. I know I’m singing to the choir here and I know saying it out loud doesn’t change much. But I am so, so angry, so imma just send it.
As a nanny who has two college degrees, practices Montessori, Reggio Emilia, and RIE, and as someone who has always loved and wanted to work with kids, there simply is not enough money in this career path to stick to it. I personally simply cannot rationalise doing the amount of physical and emotional work that is required for me to do this job as well as I want to for the typical pay, even though I absolutely love it.
For my background, experience, and approach, I am in a severely underpaid position (even when disregarding my qualifications it would still be severely underpaid.) Because of my personal and financial situation at the time of my job search, I did not have the luxury to wait for a unicorn family to offer me the salary I was looking for. I found a family that was a good fit and accepted the position even though I felt it was very much underpaid. I am now in a position where I am continuously battling wanting to work as hard as I can for these kids and this family, and realising I can’t break my back for them while being this underpaid (I mean I literally threw my back out during this job). I’m not someone who breaks a commitment easily but I guess I could move from family to family, waiting to find one who is able to financially respect the value of this work, or I could stick it out and get $2/hr raises every year, but I can’t wait 10 years to finally get close to being paid what I know a proper nanny is worth. Yes there certainly are some nanny employers who properly respect this work and are able to financially meet it’s value, but in my experience they are few and far between. I have found that the overwhelming majority of nannies are severely underpaid and overworked.
Nannies are asked to have flexible schedules, work long hours, take on a laundry list of responsibilities, develop personal emotional relationships with children that aren’t theirs while keeping a professional distance, pay for and organise their own continued training, be emotionally and socially engaged with children all day long, and more. But above all, the most important aspect of nannying is managing our stress is such a way that allows us to stay in an executive state of functioning all day every single day. People deeply underestimate and undervalue the amount of hard and constant work it takes to keep oneself in an executive state of functioning day in and day out, especially in a high stress position where you are helping other people regulate their bodies all day on top of yours, AND are constantly sick and tired and being pushed and tested. I think that this ability is what makes the difference in a “good” nanny and is often the most overlooked, misunderstood, and undervalued aspect of the job responsibilities.
I want to be a good nanny, it’s my dream job to be the best nanny there is, and I used to think that I could accept being in an undervalued role because “it takes a village” and I wanted to do my part and this was my passion. But it doesn’t feel good to be undervalued financially and socially, in fact it feels really really bad, and this is why I will no longer be pursuing a career as a nanny. Even if I found my unicorn position, it wouldn’t change the fact that the overwhelming majority of my nanny peers are still underpaid and undervalued, and that doesn’t feel good. It makes me want to leave, and I think all of the other underpaid nannies should leave too. (We need a union or something, is this a thing?)
The market is oversaturated and undervalued. Not everyone needs a nanny now that quarantine is over (a full-time nanny, not babysitter or after school care). I have both worked at a preschool and as a nanny and I have found that a setting with multiple children of similar age is far better developmentally for a child than spending most of their time with a single adult and a sibling or two, even for young babies. I think a healthy mix of a daycare setting and family time at home is probably best but can be the most difficult to achieve with the current work culture. This is no one’s fault, the overworking culture is a burden of late stage capitalism that we all face. However, it is the burden of the parents to solve their work/life balance. This is a very big part of what one signs up for when becoming a parent. It is not the burden of the nanny to work more for less or the children to miss being with their parents (I’d say two doctor NP are pretty much the only ones who’d get a pass here).
It’s no one person’s fault that nannies are financially undervalued, the value of personal childcare and domestic work has a long saturated history fraught with misogyny and racism. Have you compared the average wage of a plumber (male dominated domestic work) to that of a nanny (female dominated domestic work)? And don’t tell me plumbing requires more training or is harder than nannying, I assure you they are of comparable difficulty especially considering there’s no step by step instructions on YouTube for nannying. (And if you do consider plumbing to be that much hard than nannying, what do you think gives you that perception? I mean as a parent, one should know that nannying absolutely is not just playing with kids all day, even if that’s all you ask your nanny to do. What subconscious bias could be giving you the perception that bringing up children is less difficult and of less value than screwing pipes together? Have you taken a race or gender studies class? Have you seen The Help? Don’t answer, just think.)
Plumbers make average $28/hr in the states, mechanics $26, for nannies it’s $20 (and that’s being generous). That’s a ¢70 on the dollar comparison. It is time we all realise that nannying is an underpaid and undervalued role and work to change that. If the wage being offered across the board better matched the value of the work, I think one would find a lot more serious nannies and a lot more current nannies taking the job more seriously.
I didn’t get it at first, why so many nannies at the park seemed so burnt out and disinterested in the kids. Oh boy do I get it now. I want nothing more than to do my best in this role, but in the past few months after nearly being stiffed by NP, not receiving a bonus from them when I really thought I would, and overall realising I am being taken advantage of and am a human mine to them, I have realised that I can no longer put my all into this job for my own health and sanity. Being properly compensated is the primary motivating aspect of all work especially in the society we are a part of. After loosing my sense of respect from NP, I’ve lost most of the non-financial motivation I started out with and am left with what little motivation my petite pay check gives me, and the kids can tell.
Since my fallout with NP, I have pulled back emotionally from the kids. I’m not mean and I am still doing every responsibility in my contract to the letter (and then some still), but I am no longer as emotionally available to them as I was. I am shorter and more curt with them, I don’t take as much time with them to sit and talk about every feeling they have, and I’m not working as hard to help them break the bad habits NP give them that NP specifically ask me to break (one example - NP want NK to walk everywhere with me but then always use the stroller with NP and every time we go out it’s a fight to use the stroller or not. Guess who’s been using the stroller far more often lately). Anyway, the past week my NK 3f has been quietly crying before her nap and I’m sure it’s because she’s felt me pull away from her. It’s breaking my heart and I’ve been trying to give her extra cuddles, but I have to protect myself first now. This is a job and these aren’t my kids and I can no longer rationalise putting them first emotionally especially considering I am burnt TF out, torn down, and left feeling used up and tossed aside without any recognition or proper thanks from NP.
I don’t know what the perfect number is, the number I would say many NP would probably think is too high, and maybe they’re not looking for a nanny who works as hard as I and others do. But I can tell you that $17/hr before taxes in a VHCOL area does not even come close to close. I think we can all easily recognise that the financial value of this job needs to better match the value of the work, in general and across the board. We’re talking about the people caring for and raising the future generations here, I mean how is this not the most coveted role in our society?
This is my Roman Empire and I will die on this hill every. single. time.
submitted by madssaysugh to Nanny [link] [comments]
I’ve been pretty active in this sub lately because I’ve been feeling unhappy at my job and it helps to have a community. I wrote this a while ago and have been nervous to post it but I think it’s important. I saw a post in nannyemployers asking where all of the “good” nannies have gone and this was the response I was writing until I realised the replies were to be from NP only.. I would post in the nanny employers sub if I weren’t terrified of the response. I know I’m singing to the choir here and I know saying it out loud doesn’t change much. But I am so, so angry, so imma just send it.
As a nanny who has two college degrees, practices Montessori, Reggio Emilia, and RIE, and as someone who has always loved and wanted to work with kids, there simply is not enough money in this career path to stick to it. I personally simply cannot rationalise doing the amount of physical and emotional work that is required for me to do this job as well as I want to for the typical pay, even though I absolutely love it.
For my background, experience, and approach, I am in a severely underpaid position (even when disregarding my qualifications it would still be severely underpaid.) Because of my personal and financial situation at the time of my job search, I did not have the luxury to wait for a unicorn family to offer me the salary I was looking for. I found a family that was a good fit and accepted the position even though I felt it was very much underpaid. I am now in a position where I am continuously battling wanting to work as hard as I can for these kids and this family, and realising I can’t break my back for them while being this underpaid (I mean I literally threw my back out during this job). I’m not someone who breaks a commitment easily but I guess I could move from family to family, waiting to find one who is able to financially respect the value of this work, or I could stick it out and get $2/hr raises every year, but I can’t wait 10 years to finally get close to being paid what I know a proper nanny is worth. Yes there certainly are some nanny employers who properly respect this work and are able to financially meet it’s value, but in my experience they are few and far between. I have found that the overwhelming majority of nannies are severely underpaid and overworked.
Nannies are asked to have flexible schedules, work long hours, take on a laundry list of responsibilities, develop personal emotional relationships with children that aren’t theirs while keeping a professional distance, pay for and organise their own continued training, be emotionally and socially engaged with children all day long, and more. But above all, the most important aspect of nannying is managing our stress is such a way that allows us to stay in an executive state of functioning all day every single day. People deeply underestimate and undervalue the amount of hard and constant work it takes to keep oneself in an executive state of functioning day in and day out, especially in a high stress position where you are helping other people regulate their bodies all day on top of yours, AND are constantly sick and tired and being pushed and tested. I think that this ability is what makes the difference in a “good” nanny and is often the most overlooked, misunderstood, and undervalued aspect of the job responsibilities.
I want to be a good nanny, it’s my dream job to be the best nanny there is, and I used to think that I could accept being in an undervalued role because “it takes a village” and I wanted to do my part and this was my passion. But it doesn’t feel good to be undervalued financially and socially, in fact it feels really really bad, and this is why I will no longer be pursuing a career as a nanny. Even if I found my unicorn position, it wouldn’t change the fact that the overwhelming majority of my nanny peers are still underpaid and undervalued, and that doesn’t feel good. It makes me want to leave, and I think all of the other underpaid nannies should leave too. (We need a union or something, is this a thing?)
The market is oversaturated and undervalued. Not everyone needs a nanny now that quarantine is over (a full-time nanny, not babysitter or after school care). I have both worked at a preschool and as a nanny and I have found that a setting with multiple children of similar age is far better developmentally for a child than spending most of their time with a single adult and a sibling or two, even for young babies. I think a healthy mix of a daycare setting and family time at home is probably best but can be the most difficult to achieve with the current work culture. This is no one’s fault, the overworking culture is a burden of late stage capitalism that we all face. However, it is the burden of the parents to solve their work/life balance. This is a very big part of what one signs up for when becoming a parent. It is not the burden of the nanny to work more for less or the children to miss being with their parents (I’d say two doctor NP are pretty much the only ones who’d get a pass here).
It’s no one person’s fault that nannies are financially undervalued, the value of personal childcare and domestic work has a long saturated history fraught with misogyny and racism. Have you compared the average wage of a plumber (male dominated domestic work) to that of a nanny (female dominated domestic work)? And don’t tell me plumbing requires more training or is harder than nannying, I assure you they are of comparable difficulty especially considering there’s no step by step instructions on YouTube for nannying. (And if you do consider plumbing to be that much hard than nannying, what do you think gives you that perception? I mean as a parent, one should know that nannying absolutely is not just playing with kids all day, even if that’s all you ask your nanny to do. What subconscious bias could be giving you the perception that bringing up children is less difficult and of less value than screwing pipes together? Have you taken a race or gender studies class? Have you seen The Help? Don’t answer, just think.)
Plumbers make average $28/hr in the states, mechanics $26, for nannies it’s $20 (and that’s being generous). That’s a ¢70 on the dollar comparison. It is time we all realise that nannying is an underpaid and undervalued role and work to change that. If the wage being offered across the board better matched the value of the work, I think one would find a lot more serious nannies and a lot more current nannies taking the job more seriously.
I didn’t get it at first, why so many nannies at the park seemed so burnt out and disinterested in the kids. Oh boy do I get it now. I want nothing more than to do my best in this role, but in the past few months after nearly being stiffed by NP, not receiving a bonus from them when I really thought I would, and overall realising I am being taken advantage of and am a human mine to them, I have realised that I can no longer put my all into this job for my own health and sanity. Being properly compensated is the primary motivating aspect of all work especially in the society we are a part of. After loosing my sense of respect from NP, I’ve lost most of the non-financial motivation I started out with and am left with what little motivation my petite pay check gives me, and the kids can tell.
Since my fallout with NP, I have pulled back emotionally from the kids. I’m not mean and I am still doing every responsibility in my contract to the letter (and then some still), but I am no longer as emotionally available to them as I was. I am shorter and more curt with them, I don’t take as much time with them to sit and talk about every feeling they have, and I’m not working as hard to help them break the bad habits NP give them that NP specifically ask me to break (one example - NP want NK to walk everywhere with me but then always use the stroller with NP and every time we go out it’s a fight to use the stroller or not. Guess who’s been using the stroller far more often lately). Anyway, the past week my NK 3f has been quietly crying before her nap and I’m sure it’s because she’s felt me pull away from her. It’s breaking my heart and I’ve been trying to give her extra cuddles, but I have to protect myself first now. This is a job and these aren’t my kids and I can no longer rationalise putting them first emotionally especially considering I am burnt TF out, torn down, and left feeling used up and tossed aside without any recognition or proper thanks from NP.
I don’t know what the perfect number is, the number I would say many NP would probably think is too high, and maybe they’re not looking for a nanny who works as hard as I and others do. But I can tell you that $17/hr before taxes in a VHCOL area does not even come close to close. I think we can all easily recognise that the financial value of this job needs to better match the value of the work, in general and across the board. We’re talking about the people caring for and raising the future generations here, I mean how is this not the most coveted role in our society?
This is my Roman Empire and I will die on this hill every. single. time.
2024.06.01 12:52 Available-Sound1380 First time “outside” (ie travel) post-treatment
Hey y’all.
Today is my first time “outside” since treatment; awaiting a 5.5 hour flight to the other side of the country for vacation. I’m excited, but it’s a bit weird not being in a controlled environment world that is hospital world. I’ll be staying with a friend who lives there, which is comforting, but flying in solo.
I have a book and downloaded some podcasts, any other ideas regarding how to calm myself? I didn’t sleep well last night so it would be nice to just fall asleep on that plane, I tend to have sleeping issues though.
Trying to keep my anxiety down. I have water, NO Alcohol will be had, and prescription Ativan from my psychiatrist (I’ve never taken it though, so idk my reaction to it…)
My mind has been ok but stressed; I don’t like my job because of management and low pay. Yesterday I talked to a resume writer and popped down over $1000 for full resume services… today I’m like “why did I do that” I think of just tired of being tired and feeling mentally or physically ill. Cancer treatment has drained my bank account and I’m desperate for a better job and quality of life.
Tamoxifen sits in my bag; I’m delayed by about a week in starting it and if I wait until next week, it’s a two week delay in taking it. Wwyd, start up on vacation knowing you don’t know how your body will react and you have a flight home to get through, or take it after vacation?
I’m not even telling most friends I’m going on vacation. Some of them have been shit through treatment. Advice? Camaraderie?
submitted by Available-Sound1380 to breastcancer [link] [comments]
Today is my first time “outside” since treatment; awaiting a 5.5 hour flight to the other side of the country for vacation. I’m excited, but it’s a bit weird not being in a controlled environment world that is hospital world. I’ll be staying with a friend who lives there, which is comforting, but flying in solo.
I have a book and downloaded some podcasts, any other ideas regarding how to calm myself? I didn’t sleep well last night so it would be nice to just fall asleep on that plane, I tend to have sleeping issues though.
Trying to keep my anxiety down. I have water, NO Alcohol will be had, and prescription Ativan from my psychiatrist (I’ve never taken it though, so idk my reaction to it…)
My mind has been ok but stressed; I don’t like my job because of management and low pay. Yesterday I talked to a resume writer and popped down over $1000 for full resume services… today I’m like “why did I do that” I think of just tired of being tired and feeling mentally or physically ill. Cancer treatment has drained my bank account and I’m desperate for a better job and quality of life.
Tamoxifen sits in my bag; I’m delayed by about a week in starting it and if I wait until next week, it’s a two week delay in taking it. Wwyd, start up on vacation knowing you don’t know how your body will react and you have a flight home to get through, or take it after vacation?
I’m not even telling most friends I’m going on vacation. Some of them have been shit through treatment. Advice? Camaraderie?
2024.06.01 12:37 palpoonchy Is this normal? I feel like I can't relate with many people
Ok so first things first, I am well acquainted with abuse and abusers, grew up in a very abusive family, except for s*xual abuse I went through everything else with them, of course this led me to see abuse as normal behavior, most kids bullied me, some close friends took advantage of my spineless behavior, and later on, I had abusive romantic partners.
Not all of them were, of course, but the ones that were I can think back and see the red flags I missed, eventually I went to therapy and kind of learned how to see them better, all that stuff.
Then comes my last ex. He was, well, great. He was attentive, kind, generous, his family welcomed me as a new addition from the first day, it all seemed too good to be true. The thing is, with other abusers, this façade would soon collapse, they weren't able to sustain it for long, but my ex seemed to really be like this, the only shady thing I can think of his past self it that he's always been very secretive about his emotions and repressed them way too much.
After about a year and a half of dating, several things happened, quarantine was one of them, my mental health decline was the other. I tried meds for the first time, it backfired and left me su*cidal for months, I had agoraphobia and went back to being terrified of people. That's when the silent treatment and refusing to get intimate with me and all the arguing began. His point was that he was okay with supporting me with my mental health stuff, as long as it got better and not worse, I tried to explain to him that sometimes things do get worse and there's nothing I can possibly do about it, he would get angrier and say that either I got "cured" or he would leave.
You can imagine how fragile I was back then, terrified of my friends,of going outside, I went back to my mom's house because of covid and had to deal with her abuse again, he felt like the only person I could trust. Even if I knew everything he was saying about mental illnesses was plain wrong, I chose to stick with him because he genuinely sounded like he wanted the best for me.
But everything only got worse, of course, his own life got harder, he was a sheltered kid that never worked or lived on his own, I on the other hand have been working ever since I was 17, we moved in together and you guessed it, it got even worse.
He was doing an unpaid internship where he would mostly observe others work instead of doing something himself, I worked part time because I wanted a little break from working 7am to 4pm for so long, so he was basically living off me and his parents, I also did most of the housework because he'd be there for so long, he didn't even have to, but he was there all day. Not only he never thanked me but he would belittle me for working part time and criticized my cooking, he was a picky eater and was used to his mom adapting to him so I had no idea this was a thing, he hated all veggies and everything that wasn't basically soup or meat and rice/potatoes. We both got folic acid deficiency from this btw, so I'm not exaggerating.
At some point my brain just gave up, I was so incredibly exhausted all the time, physically and mentally. Thank goodness I had the decision to go on a solo vacation with friends after being isolated for years and that's when I realized how badly I was being treated, by being around people who didn't treat me badly. This was last summer, as soon as I got home, the first thing I did was trying to talk to him, and knowing he wouldn't be reasonable, I knew I would have to leave him.
At this point we hadn't gotten intimate in over a year, he refused sleeping with me and would only talk to me to berate me. We argued very often, he was angry all the time, I was on edge all the time, I constantly had panic and anxiety attacks, he would treat me specially bad during these, and when I begged him for a hug sometimes he even hit me.
This was almost a year ago and I'm still broken. My memory is broken, my cognitive functions are half there, I am numb most days, can't feel a thing, not good nor bad, just can't feel, no matter what I do. I am incredibly depressed and don't have the will to do anything. I found someone great who is supportive and amazing in more ways than I can count, found great friends and rekindled friendships I left unattended because of my ex, and still I can't be there for them, not really, because I am not really here most of the time, went to therapy but can't yet afford trying EMDR (will be able soon, after I move from here) and I can't learn anything more from my therapist, it's also expensive. I quit my job and am living off my savings and unemployment, went back to one of my hobbies he used to belittle and criticize so much, I've been hired for collaborations right away and I am in several projects and I can't give my all and feel like I am disappointing people and most importantly myself all the time.
I miss the old me so bad, the one that's trapped beneath this impenetrable armor, and even though things have gotten kind of better, I hate being this fragile, quiet, soft person, when I used to be the polar opposite, I have nothing against quiet and soft people, I love them, it just feels wrong for me.
It took me a lot of work but before dating this idiot for almost 5 years, I got to be this extroverted, fun and warm person that had a million friends and was incredibly energetic, I used to be super physically active, went to a lot of social events, I had so many hobbies and was starting to carve wood. He took it all, and I have no idea how.
As I said at the start of this post, abuse is my whole life. No matter how much my family told me I sucked, they never took the fun out of things for me, if anything, it gave me that spark, that "I'll do what I want!" inner Cartman. No matter how much I was bullied or belittled by others, it never broke me, I was pretty much used to it. But this guy did.
Whenever I talk about toxic relationships with friends or people I meet, it's always kind of the same, "oh we were not compatible at all and refused to accept it haha" or "they were abusive from the start I just didn't know how abuse worked!" but I haven't found someone that went through the same thing as me, someone who's ex was perfect and then became abusive and disgusting, I left a lot out of it for the sake of brevity but his political views and overall morality changed a lot during all this.
I don't know how coherent this is, kinda need to vent , thanks to whoever read it at all, good luck with your own struggles ♥
submitted by palpoonchy to abusiverelationships [link] [comments]
Not all of them were, of course, but the ones that were I can think back and see the red flags I missed, eventually I went to therapy and kind of learned how to see them better, all that stuff.
Then comes my last ex. He was, well, great. He was attentive, kind, generous, his family welcomed me as a new addition from the first day, it all seemed too good to be true. The thing is, with other abusers, this façade would soon collapse, they weren't able to sustain it for long, but my ex seemed to really be like this, the only shady thing I can think of his past self it that he's always been very secretive about his emotions and repressed them way too much.
After about a year and a half of dating, several things happened, quarantine was one of them, my mental health decline was the other. I tried meds for the first time, it backfired and left me su*cidal for months, I had agoraphobia and went back to being terrified of people. That's when the silent treatment and refusing to get intimate with me and all the arguing began. His point was that he was okay with supporting me with my mental health stuff, as long as it got better and not worse, I tried to explain to him that sometimes things do get worse and there's nothing I can possibly do about it, he would get angrier and say that either I got "cured" or he would leave.
You can imagine how fragile I was back then, terrified of my friends,of going outside, I went back to my mom's house because of covid and had to deal with her abuse again, he felt like the only person I could trust. Even if I knew everything he was saying about mental illnesses was plain wrong, I chose to stick with him because he genuinely sounded like he wanted the best for me.
But everything only got worse, of course, his own life got harder, he was a sheltered kid that never worked or lived on his own, I on the other hand have been working ever since I was 17, we moved in together and you guessed it, it got even worse.
He was doing an unpaid internship where he would mostly observe others work instead of doing something himself, I worked part time because I wanted a little break from working 7am to 4pm for so long, so he was basically living off me and his parents, I also did most of the housework because he'd be there for so long, he didn't even have to, but he was there all day. Not only he never thanked me but he would belittle me for working part time and criticized my cooking, he was a picky eater and was used to his mom adapting to him so I had no idea this was a thing, he hated all veggies and everything that wasn't basically soup or meat and rice/potatoes. We both got folic acid deficiency from this btw, so I'm not exaggerating.
At some point my brain just gave up, I was so incredibly exhausted all the time, physically and mentally. Thank goodness I had the decision to go on a solo vacation with friends after being isolated for years and that's when I realized how badly I was being treated, by being around people who didn't treat me badly. This was last summer, as soon as I got home, the first thing I did was trying to talk to him, and knowing he wouldn't be reasonable, I knew I would have to leave him.
At this point we hadn't gotten intimate in over a year, he refused sleeping with me and would only talk to me to berate me. We argued very often, he was angry all the time, I was on edge all the time, I constantly had panic and anxiety attacks, he would treat me specially bad during these, and when I begged him for a hug sometimes he even hit me.
This was almost a year ago and I'm still broken. My memory is broken, my cognitive functions are half there, I am numb most days, can't feel a thing, not good nor bad, just can't feel, no matter what I do. I am incredibly depressed and don't have the will to do anything. I found someone great who is supportive and amazing in more ways than I can count, found great friends and rekindled friendships I left unattended because of my ex, and still I can't be there for them, not really, because I am not really here most of the time, went to therapy but can't yet afford trying EMDR (will be able soon, after I move from here) and I can't learn anything more from my therapist, it's also expensive. I quit my job and am living off my savings and unemployment, went back to one of my hobbies he used to belittle and criticize so much, I've been hired for collaborations right away and I am in several projects and I can't give my all and feel like I am disappointing people and most importantly myself all the time.
I miss the old me so bad, the one that's trapped beneath this impenetrable armor, and even though things have gotten kind of better, I hate being this fragile, quiet, soft person, when I used to be the polar opposite, I have nothing against quiet and soft people, I love them, it just feels wrong for me.
It took me a lot of work but before dating this idiot for almost 5 years, I got to be this extroverted, fun and warm person that had a million friends and was incredibly energetic, I used to be super physically active, went to a lot of social events, I had so many hobbies and was starting to carve wood. He took it all, and I have no idea how.
As I said at the start of this post, abuse is my whole life. No matter how much my family told me I sucked, they never took the fun out of things for me, if anything, it gave me that spark, that "I'll do what I want!" inner Cartman. No matter how much I was bullied or belittled by others, it never broke me, I was pretty much used to it. But this guy did.
Whenever I talk about toxic relationships with friends or people I meet, it's always kind of the same, "oh we were not compatible at all and refused to accept it haha" or "they were abusive from the start I just didn't know how abuse worked!" but I haven't found someone that went through the same thing as me, someone who's ex was perfect and then became abusive and disgusting, I left a lot out of it for the sake of brevity but his political views and overall morality changed a lot during all this.
I don't know how coherent this is, kinda need to vent , thanks to whoever read it at all, good luck with your own struggles ♥
2024.06.01 12:24 SalamanderClassic839 So Tired of The Two-Faced Handling of Sick Days
It's such bullshit how management at literally every employment treats employees being sick. They handle it in the worst way possible in every way possible.
They say "If you're sick, stay home. Don't get everyone else sick." And if you come in anyway and get other people sick they obviously get pissed about it. But how are you supposed to do anything but come in despite being sick? If you call out they guilt trip you or straight up accuse you of faking. As if it's any of their damn business regardless, if you call out you call out. You don't need their permission to call out. They'll give you shit for calling out, but if you come in and you aren't performing ( Ya know, because you're fucking sick ) they treat you like you're trying to get everyone sick and stealing time because you can't work. They literally just want any excuse to put their boot on your throat.
You'd think this would have changed after COVID, but hell no. My wife has it even worse, though. She has a job that can be done remotely, so for the last year if she was too sick to go in, she would email in and let them know she was going to work from home ( her entire job can be done from the computer so its not even like she was limited in what she could do ). Well her company's owner doesn't like WFH for reasons completely unknown, and there's now concern about her losing her job because she's had to miss work being sick or caring for me ( i have a disease that wrecks my health sometimes ) a couple days a month. But she's worked from home every single time so she doesn't fall behind and it doesn't affect her work. She has literally worked through COVID so she wouldn't cause problems at work. And apparently this asshole would just rather NOTHING get done? Fuck them people, nothing short of being a slave is good enough for them.
submitted by SalamanderClassic839 to antiwork [link] [comments]
They say "If you're sick, stay home. Don't get everyone else sick." And if you come in anyway and get other people sick they obviously get pissed about it. But how are you supposed to do anything but come in despite being sick? If you call out they guilt trip you or straight up accuse you of faking. As if it's any of their damn business regardless, if you call out you call out. You don't need their permission to call out. They'll give you shit for calling out, but if you come in and you aren't performing ( Ya know, because you're fucking sick ) they treat you like you're trying to get everyone sick and stealing time because you can't work. They literally just want any excuse to put their boot on your throat.
You'd think this would have changed after COVID, but hell no. My wife has it even worse, though. She has a job that can be done remotely, so for the last year if she was too sick to go in, she would email in and let them know she was going to work from home ( her entire job can be done from the computer so its not even like she was limited in what she could do ). Well her company's owner doesn't like WFH for reasons completely unknown, and there's now concern about her losing her job because she's had to miss work being sick or caring for me ( i have a disease that wrecks my health sometimes ) a couple days a month. But she's worked from home every single time so she doesn't fall behind and it doesn't affect her work. She has literally worked through COVID so she wouldn't cause problems at work. And apparently this asshole would just rather NOTHING get done? Fuck them people, nothing short of being a slave is good enough for them.
2024.06.01 12:08 GhoulGriin Best 1911 Magwell
 | submitted by GhoulGriin to u/GhoulGriin [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/dg62nixjpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2bf0fd5f8fb4e47a990ee66c49d49cc75572d772 Get ready to discover the perfect addition to your weapon collection! In this roundup, we'll be diving into the world of 1911 Magwells, exploring top-rated options and unveiling their unique features. Join us as we unravel the secrets behind these versatile accessory and guide you on making an informed decision. The Top 18 Best 1911 Magwell
Reviews🔗1791 Stealthy 1911/SIG P220 Magazine Pockethttps://preview.redd.it/hbecwpjkpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ce9d8fee6a60419537b8d3d20dc0b6eac40b1be8 Carrying a spare magazine doesn't have to be a bulky, awkward task. 1791's Snagmag 1911 8Rd/Sig P220 RH is a game-changer. This sleek, black magazine pouch, designed specifically for right-handed users, easily fits into your pocket, ready for a quick swap when you need it. Made from authentic leather in the U. S. A, its construction is solid and durable. It's lightweight, comfortable, and, when you flip it open, you have easy access to the extra ammo you need. It's a pocket-sized lifesaver in any situation, perfect for a concealed carry or for enhancing your performance while practicing with your firearm. However, it may not be for everyone. It's a bit of a niche product, and it might not suit all shooting styles. But for those who have tried it and have found it useful, it's a convenient, reliable way to ensure you're always prepared. The leather construction also adds a tactile touch, making it more than just a mere tool, but a piece of equipment you can feel confident in. 🔗High-Quality 1911 MW Housing for Precision and Performancehttps://preview.redd.it/4sih0bwkpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=536a1303e197b6ebdc802b1c9e0d6d89c3a83c4a Imagine diving into a world of unmatched quality and performance with the Ed Brown 1911 MW Housing. It's like having a trusty sidekick in the form of a superior piece of firearm gear. Just like a trusted friend, this product has been around for a lifetime, honing its craft through a combination of masterful engineering, relentless passion, and decades of practical experience. From the very feel of it to its precision machining, you can see and touch the care that has gone into each and every detail. Pick this up, and you'll instantly feel like you're holding something truly extraordinary. It's not just a firearm component; it's a labor of love and expertise, crafted with an attention to detail that borders on obsession. Of course, like any piece of equipment engineered for such high performance, you might encounter the odd hiccup here and there. But when you're using something as finely-tuned as the Ed Brown 1911 MW Housing, the pros often outweigh the occasional minor inconvenience. Overall, the Ed Brown 1911 MW Housing is a powerhouse. It's precision crafted, top-quality, and is, in short, exactly what you'd expect from a lifetime of experience and expertise in firearm components. It might not be perfect—nothing ever is—but it's as close as you can get. So, if you're looking for a piece of equipment that you can truly rely on, with a rich history of precision machining and exceptional craftsmanship behind it, look no further than the Ed Brown 1911 MW Housing. You won't be disappointed, I promise. 🔗Premium 1911 MW Housing Blankhttps://preview.redd.it/bfs6a9clpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e96202411bf5264d594e31488f860c3b0063de4a The Ed Brown 1911 housing is a fine example of the dedication to precision and quality that makes this brand stand out. As a seasoned gun enthusiast, I've come to appreciate the meticulous attention to detail that goes into crafting these firearms. With this product, I especially noticed the superior components and expert machining that made the gun feel smooth and well-balanced. The mag well housing, in particular, added an element of sophistication to my 1911 replica. While the Ed Brown 1911 housing is an excellent choice for those seeking top-notch performance, there are a few potential downsides to consider. One is the price point, which may be prohibitive for some users. Additionally, while the housing is designed for durability, it's essential to take proper care of it to ensure its longevity. All in all, the Ed Brown 1911 housing is an exceptional product that delivers on promises of quality and craftsmanship. 🔗Universal Single Mag Holder for 1911 Compensatorshttps://preview.redd.it/6eniljmlpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=466d97c1e19c05d404690c0a3e83aa3c9b520347 Imagine this: after a long day at the range or simply enjoying your time at home, you're done with holstering and retrieving your magazines. You reach for your trusty mag holder - a solid, reliable, and convenient accessory that's been your reliable companion for months. But suddenly, it's gone. You need a new one. Fast. Enter C&G's Universal single mag holder. This is the kind of mag holder that makes you say, "I never knew I needed this until now! " It's a game-changer, designed to hold your magazines in place, making your life easier and hassle-free. The C&G's Universal single mag holder is made with high-quality materials, ensuring it lasts long, stays sturdy, and remains a reliable tool in your arsenal. The Universal aspect of this product is a testament to its versatility, as it fits almost all pistols or mags. And let's talk about the fit - it's made for a purpose and designed to ensure that your magazines stay where they should. No more fumbling or worrying about your magazines falling out when you need them most. But what about the looks? Well, let's just say it's not an eyesore. It manages to blend form and function, seamlessly becoming a part of your daily arsenal. The fact that it's made in America by the best professionals in the field is a cherry on top. However, like any other product, it does have a small downside. The clip might take some getting used to, as it's a little bigger and wider than what most users would prefer. But it's a small cost to pay for a product that performs so magnificently. In conclusion, the C&G's Universal single mag holder is a top-notch product that delivers on its promises. It's a reliable and efficient accessory that makes holstering and retrieving your magazines a breeze. It might have a minor issue with the clip size, but overall, it's a must-have for anyone who wants to ensure their magazines stay secure and easily accessible. 🔗ZEV Technologies PRO Mag-well for Gen5 1911 Pistolshttps://preview.redd.it/vnyggy3mpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=385ec628406100d8d79a3fe8e071349ab4ac5f59 I recently added the Zev Magwell Pro Compact to my Glock 19 and was thrilled with the results. The one-piece design made installation a breeze, and the sleek low profile kept my gun looking sharp. The flared base made reloading a breeze, and the improved grip was a game-changer for my accuracy. However, I did need to trim the backstrap a bit to make it fit perfectly, but overall, I'm incredibly happy with this addition to my pistol. 🔗ESD Magwell: Enhancing Glock 17 G5 FDE Reloading Experiencehttps://preview.redd.it/m7gg4ylmpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2f9469d19554098e580fdf40a72be1c0dfc4b85c When I first tried the ESD Magwell for Glock 17 G5 FDE, I was intrigued by its sleek design. Every curve and angle on this magwell seemed to have been carefully crafted with a purpose. The ESD team has put a lot of thought into enhancing a shooter's capabilities using human-centered design. The magwell's symmetrical side cutouts made it incredibly simple to strip magazines, and it effortlessly handled both flush-fitting and extended options. While it might not be necessary for everyone, the ESD Magwell has certainly made my reloading experience more enjoyable and efficient, proving that sometimes, it's the little things that make a big difference. 🔗Walther PPQ Flared Magwell Aluminum Black Mag Accessoryhttps://preview.redd.it/en6s1aumpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dc8804b4d0e3230d159b40cea84715b28c101103 Imagine you're at the shooting range, ready to take on some targets with your trusty Walther PPQ. You reach for your magazine and find that the flared magwell is a game-changer for your aim. Made of strong aluminum, it's a perfect fit for your Walther PPQ, making magazine swaps a breeze. Plus, this magwell works with both steel and polymer frames. While it has its perks, there are a couple of things worth mentioning. First, be aware that this magwell doesn't work with PPQ Sub-Compact or PPQ45 models. Second, it may have fitting issues with some extended magazines. But overall, it's a reliable addition to your shooting setup, and you'll appreciate the extra boost it provides to your aim. 🔗Stainless Steel 188S Magwell for 1911 Pistolshttps://preview.redd.it/vmrj2d7npx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fbe674e85a70cd8301d7d2eb0c38f59df5242c27 I recently had the chance to try out the Wilson Combat Magazine Well Stainless Steel 1911 Magwell, and I have to say, it's been a game-changer in my shooting experience. The magnetic well is incredibly sturdy, and it's made entirely of stainless steel, ensuring its longevity. One thing that really stood out to me is the enhanced magazine compatibility the magwell provides. No more fumbling around to get the right fit - this magwell seamlessly fits most magazine designs, making it a breeze to reload. However, the installation process could be a bit tricky for beginners. It was a learning experience, but with the right tools and a bit of patience, I managed to get it working smoothly. Overall, I'm really happy with the performance of the Wilson Combat Magazine Well Stainless Steel 1911 Magwell. The improved magazine loading speed and enhanced compatibility make it a worthwhile investment for any serious shooter. 🔗Intelligently Engineered Canik TCS Compact Magwellhttps://preview.redd.it/6qllxfonpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2f1e46ec10cee412ddd9bbbc8eee26620714e218 I recently added the Canik TCS Compact Magwell Black to my 1911 handgun, and let me tell you, it has made a significant difference in my daily shooting experience. The sleek, black design not only looks impressive but also provides excellent grip and support while I'm on the range. The ergonomic shape of the extension makes it an absolute game-changer during long shooting sessions, preventing hand fatigue and ensuring a more comfortable hold. However, the TCS Compact Magwell Black isn't without its drawbacks. I've noticed that the weight distribution of the handgun has shifted slightly, making it a bit heavier overall. Additionally, the black color tends to attract dirt and dust more easily than other materials, requiring more frequent cleaning. All in all, the Canik TCS Compact Magwell Black is a high-quality extension that enhances both the aesthetics and functionality of my 1911 firearm. Despite the added weight and maintenance considerations, I would definitely recommend it as a worthwhile addition to any 1911 enthusiast's collection. 🔗Si STRIKE80 Magwell for Strike 80 Compact Frame Kithttps://preview.redd.it/0224z5ynpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2887ababacd1dc1e5cd03ba6e812fed7f0b8b0eb In my quest for the perfect magwell, I stumbled upon the Si STRIKE80 Magwell. With a sleek finish in black, it added an aesthetic charm to my Strike 80 compact frame kit. The fit was impeccable, with the magwell allowing my PMAGs to nestle flush against it, making the gun feel more refined. However, not everything was smooth sailing. On a few occasions, I faced issues with the magwell. Sometimes, I found it hard to seat the base plates of factory mags securely. It seemed like the magwell's design could have been more compatible with the base plates, resulting in a suboptimal user experience. Despite this, the Si STRIKE80 Magwell had some redeeming qualities. For one, it was a reliable magwell that didn't affect the functionality of the gun. Furthermore, it added a certain cool factor that matched well with the Strike 80's compact frame style. Overall, this magwell did its job when it came to accommodating the mag. However, the slight inconsistencies in its compatibility with base plates warranted some consideration. If you can overlook this issue, the Si STRIKE80 Magwell might just be the piece missing from your Strike 80 setup. 🔗Stainless Steel 1911 Magwell for Concealmenthttps://preview.redd.it/7wyiillopx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=62bf7c1bd5f7abd3b3d66bed930e6608b3052a68 I've been using the Wilson Bullet Proof Magwell Full SS for a while now, and I must say that it's quite impressive. This one-piece magwell is crafted from solid billet and CNC-Machined, making it durable and robust. Its stainless steel finish adds a touch of class to any 1911 pistol. What I really love about this magwell is its large internal opening. It ensures a smooth reloading process, making it perfect for competition or carry. The low profile, radiused outside contour is ideal for both. However, it does require some fitting to blend with pre-beveled frames. The variety of grip shapes available, along with precisely machined checkering, allows for a perfect match with your pistol. It's also compatible with most fine custom handguns. The flat mainspring model drops into most guns, while round butt models need frame contouring. Overall, despite the need for some fitting, the Wilson Bullet Proof Magwell Full SS is a top-quality product that enhances the functionality of your 1911. It's definitely a worthwhile investment for those looking to improve their pistol's performance. 🔗Enhanced Magwell for Glock 19/23 Pistolshttps://preview.redd.it/ysfah8vopx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dfd124b1d4d21b66219afadade92b815e125ef28 Recently I added the Reptilia Black Hole Poly Magwell to my trusty GLOCK - a game-changer for my reloading skills. It fits seamlessly with both Generation 3 and 4 frames, a true all-arounder. One of the standout features is the use of impact-modified reinforced nylon, and of course, it's made in the USA. It's compatible with 9mm and. 40-caliber GLOCK pistols but does not work with 10 round factory Glock magazines; however, it's perfect with Magpul 10 round mags. This magwell has made a notable difference in my shooting experience and I find myself reaching for it whenever I grab my GLOCK. It's been a reliable addition to my kit and highly recommended for GLOCK owners. 🔗1911 Magwell For SCT Polymer Glock Gen 3 Framehttps://preview.redd.it/4zaega6ppx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b3c8687e562af23ca27579e7d4b2f11d154ad519 I recently got my hands on the Magwell for SCT19 Polymer Glock Gen 3 Frame. As a gun enthusiast, I was intrigued by this accessory and decided to put it to the test in my daily life. The first thing that caught my eye was its sleek, outdoor green finish. It complemented my Glock perfectly and added a touch of class to my firearm. Using this Magwell, I noticed a significant improvement in the speed of my reloads. The ergonomic design allowed for a smoother movement, saving me precious seconds in critical situations. However, I did encounter a slight snag in the process – the Magwell wasn't quite compatible with my specific model, causing a minor inconvenience. Overall, the Magwell for SCT19 Polymer Glock Gen 3 Frame proved to be a reliable addition to my firearm. The speedy reloads it provided and the stylish finish it came with made it a worthwhile investment. But, I would urge fellow Glock users to double-check the compatibility before making a purchase to avoid any potential issues. 🔗Zev Technologies PRO Mag-well for 1911 - Enhance Shooting Consistency and Speedhttps://preview.redd.it/hwv1vbrppx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2fa1f93e2e1bbbd7a684d5515276d181a2ada917 Zev Magwell Pro has been a game-changer for me in my daily gun training. I love the flared, slightly wider design which aids in a smoother, faster magazine insertion. The lightweight aluminum construction feels sturdy and reliable, yet doesn't add any bulk to the Glock's balance. Installation was straightforward, even for a gun novice like me. The lack of set screws for a flush fit on the backstrap is a minor drawback, but it's not a deal-breaker. The improved reload speed and additional comfort it provides make it worth the small inconvenience. I highly recommend the Zev Magwell Pro to anyone looking to elevate their Glock's performance. Buyer's GuideWhen it comes to optimizing your 1911 handgun, there are a few key features you should be on the lookout for in a magwell. The magwell, or magazine well, is a modification that increases the speed at which you can reload your gun. It also makes it easier to grip and insert the magazine, crucial in high-pressure situations. In this buyer's guide, we will discuss important considerations and general advice when purchasing a 1911 magwell.Importance of Materialhttps://preview.redd.it/pzvp0pbrpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f1b63274990f88c7ff8681a3a3e33343aa5ee166 The magwell is often made from lightweight materials such as aluminum or carbon fiber, but it can also be made from steel. While steel may be more durable, it is heavier and could potentially slow down your draw. Consider the weight and the balance of your handgun when choosing the material for your magwell. Size and ShapeOne of the primary benefits of a magwell is the ease of magazine insertion and retrieval. Therefore, the size and shape of the magwell will impact its efficiency. Some magwells are designed to be larger, accommodating longer magazines or allowing for a quicker reload. Ensure that the magwell you're considering complements the height of your magazine and matches your personal preferred shape for grip comfort.Choke PortsChoke ports or adjustable choke tubes are sometimes integrated with magwells as part of a multi-functional kit. Choke ports provide the ability to alter the angle and tightness of your shotgun barrel, which can be advantageous for various shooting scenarios. Consider if you want these additional features or if you prefer a magwell strictly for the purpose of speeding up your reload time. https://preview.redd.it/4ikw0ajrpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=852e3c7eb5849f071c61491b4fd57a9e12b6d94a IntegrationAvoid magwells that require extensive modifications or replacement of existing parts of your handgun to mount. The magwell should ideally be compatible with most standard 1911 frames and be easy to install. Check the manufacturer's specifications or consult user guides to ensure compatibility.PriceThere are various price points for 1911 magwells, reflecting differences in materials, functionality, and design. Consider your budget and ensure that the magwell you choose aligns with your expectations and requirements.Reviews and Ratingshttps://preview.redd.it/4v2jtj4spx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c19e7f20a435052fcf9885e24767f768be1e2c8d As with any purchased, it's always a good idea to read reviews and gather insights on the quality of a 1911 magwell before making your decision. Reviews from gun enthusiasts and experts can provide valuable feedback on the durability, efficiency, and overall performance of the magwell. Final ThoughtsA well-designed 1911 magwell can significantly improve the performance and efficiency of your handgun, especially in high-pressure or competitive shooting scenarios. When selecting a magwell, bear in mind the material, size and shape, integration, price, and reviews. With the right magwell, you can elevate your handgun to an optimal level for competitive performance or personal defense. Happy shooting!FAQhttps://preview.redd.it/fg2uapbspx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2c61e075802b17497b09e7f78260503cacb815b3 What is a 1911 Magwell?A 1911 magwell is a type of aftermarket accessory designed to enhance the performance and functionality of the 1911 handgun. It is typically installed in place of the standard grip panel or attached to the gun's frame, providing an extended magazine well to improve the user's grip and facilitate faster reloads.What are the benefits of using a 1911 Magwell?
What types of materials are 1911 Magwells made of?1911 magwells can be made from various materials such as aluminum, steel, polymer, or a combination of these. The choice of material depends on the user's preferences, budget, and desired durability or weight reduction.How do I install a 1911 Magwell?Installing a 1911 magwell typically requires removing the existing grip panel or frame section, cleaning the surface, and applying adhesive or mechanical fasteners to secure the magwell in place. It is recommended to follow the manufacturer's installation instructions carefully to ensure proper fit and function.Are there any compatibility issues with 1911 Magwells?Some 1911 magwells may have compatibility issues with certain handguns, particularly those with modified frames or aftermarket components. It is essential to verify compatibility with the specific firearm before purchasing a magwell to avoid any potential fitting issues.What are the differences between 1911 Magwells from various manufacturers?
How do I maintain and clean my 1911 Magwell?To maintain and clean your 1911 magwell, simply wipe it down with a soft cloth to remove any dirt or debris. If there is any adhesive residue left from installation, use a mild solvent to remove it. Avoid using abrasive cleaners or scrubbers, which may damage the finish or surface.As an Amazon™ Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. |
2024.06.01 12:06 Avondran Neuropsych testing came back negative [24F]
Tried to post in the ADHD subreddit but my post wasn’t working for some reason so here I am 😊
Hello everyone, I’m very sad and frustrated because my ADHD evaluation came back negative. I got neuropsychological testing done and he suggested I have persistent depressive disorder and anxiety. I don’t feel like I’m depressed since I still enjoy things I like to do. The thing is that I’ve been on anxiety meds but they made me feel numb so I got off of them. I still could only hold on to my job for a year as a special ed teacher with a mental health break (fmla). So when I explained to my doctor I think there’s something else going on she just gave me a different anxiety med. I loved working with special needs kids but everything else made it hell. My therapist said it’s because I was a teache fast food worker only so I haven’t had a chance to find a job I like. Fair but I also struggled in college: constantly being late and almost dropping out even though I think I’m smart.
As a kid I daydreamed and was buried in books. I had a hard time making friends and was very shy and anxious but was gifted. Social anxiety has gotten better as an adult but I still feel like I never fit in. I have to write everything down or I will forget it, I hate getting ready in the morning for work and want to do stuff but it’s hard for me to get myself to do it. I fixate on foods in cycles it’s really weird and didn’t understand until I learned about adhd. I have sensory issues but don’t know if that is an adhd thing. I can obsess over certain things and then get bored super quickly. I had a job as a 5th grade teacher and quit within 2 weeks because I was so overstimulated and could not for the life of me figure out how I was going to execute these lessons and be organized for grading of 28 kids.
I bite my nails until they are bleeding and also have a hard time concentrating on driving and my online schooling. I find the everyday tasks of getting ready, working and then coming home and cleaning and cooking takes so much effort. My working memory was in the 23rd percentile while everything else was average. But he said it was my anxiety affecting my working memory. Two of my sisters have ADHD. I’m so tired of being dismissed by everybody. Im not trying to self diagnose and maybe i am just lazy or have something else. Maybe C-PTSD? All I know is that I need help. I mask and seem normal to everyone in my life, so maybe I am making everything up. Sorry for the long rant. Should I get a second opinion or do all my symptoms sound like depression? Please be nice I am sensitive lol.
submitted by Avondran to adhdwomen [link] [comments]
Hello everyone, I’m very sad and frustrated because my ADHD evaluation came back negative. I got neuropsychological testing done and he suggested I have persistent depressive disorder and anxiety. I don’t feel like I’m depressed since I still enjoy things I like to do. The thing is that I’ve been on anxiety meds but they made me feel numb so I got off of them. I still could only hold on to my job for a year as a special ed teacher with a mental health break (fmla). So when I explained to my doctor I think there’s something else going on she just gave me a different anxiety med. I loved working with special needs kids but everything else made it hell. My therapist said it’s because I was a teache fast food worker only so I haven’t had a chance to find a job I like. Fair but I also struggled in college: constantly being late and almost dropping out even though I think I’m smart.
As a kid I daydreamed and was buried in books. I had a hard time making friends and was very shy and anxious but was gifted. Social anxiety has gotten better as an adult but I still feel like I never fit in. I have to write everything down or I will forget it, I hate getting ready in the morning for work and want to do stuff but it’s hard for me to get myself to do it. I fixate on foods in cycles it’s really weird and didn’t understand until I learned about adhd. I have sensory issues but don’t know if that is an adhd thing. I can obsess over certain things and then get bored super quickly. I had a job as a 5th grade teacher and quit within 2 weeks because I was so overstimulated and could not for the life of me figure out how I was going to execute these lessons and be organized for grading of 28 kids.
I bite my nails until they are bleeding and also have a hard time concentrating on driving and my online schooling. I find the everyday tasks of getting ready, working and then coming home and cleaning and cooking takes so much effort. My working memory was in the 23rd percentile while everything else was average. But he said it was my anxiety affecting my working memory. Two of my sisters have ADHD. I’m so tired of being dismissed by everybody. Im not trying to self diagnose and maybe i am just lazy or have something else. Maybe C-PTSD? All I know is that I need help. I mask and seem normal to everyone in my life, so maybe I am making everything up. Sorry for the long rant. Should I get a second opinion or do all my symptoms sound like depression? Please be nice I am sensitive lol.
2024.06.01 12:02 Normodox A Slush Fund for Radical Protesters?
The profusion of identical green tents at this spring’s anti-Israel protests struck many as odd. “Why is everybody’s tent the same?,” asked New York mayor Eric Adams. Like others, the mayor suspected “a well-concerted organizing effort” driving the protests. More recent reporting shows a concerted push behind the Gaza protest movement. But it is not as simple as a single organization secretly rallying protesters or buying tents. Instead, the movement’s most determined activists represent a network of loosely linked far-left groups. Some are openly affiliated with well-known progressive nonprofits; others work in the shadows.
The movement also draws on diverse but generous sources of financial backing. Those funding streams may soon be augmented by the federal government. As I chronicled last year in a Manhattan Institute report, “The Big Squeeze: How Biden’s Environmental Justice Agenda Hurts the Economy and the Environment,” the administration’s massive program of environmental justice grants seems designed to prioritize the funding of highly ideological local groups. The Inflation Reduction Act, for example, earmarks $3 billion for “environmental and climate justice block grants” intended for local nonprofits. Today, hundreds of far-left political groups include language about environmental issues and “climate justice” in their mission statements. If just a fraction of planned grants flows to such groups, the effect will be a gusher of new funding for radical causes.
As the Gaza protests spread across U.S. college campuses, many observers noted an eerie uniformity among them. From one campus to the next, protesters operated in disciplined cadres, keeping their faces covered and using identical rote phrases as they refused to talk with reporters. The Atlantic noted the strangeness of seeing elite college students “chanting like automatons.” Students held up keffiyeh scarves or umbrellas to block the view of prying cameras and linked arms to halt the movements of outsiders. At Columbia University and elsewhere, protesters formed “liberated zones,” from which “Zionists” were excluded. Around the edges of the encampments, the more militaristic activists donned helmets and goggles and carried crude weapons, apparently eager to mix it up with police or counter-protesters. We’ve seen these tactics before—notably during the “mostly peaceful” Black Lives Matter protests of 2020, when full-time agitators helped ignite riots, set up a police-free (and violence-plagued) zone in Seattle, and laid nightly siege to Portland, Oregon’s federal courthouse.
In a remarkable work of reporting, Park MacDougald recently traced the tangled roots of organizations backing pro-jihad protests, both on and off campuses. These include Antifa and other networks of anonymous anarchists, along with “various communist and Marxist-Leninist groups, including the Maoist Revolutionary Communist Party, the Party for Socialism and Liberation (PSL), and the International ANSWER coalition,” MacDougald writes. Higher up the food chain, we find groups openly supported by America’s growing class of super-rich tech execs or the anti-capitalist heirs of great fortunes. For example, retired tech mogul Neville Roy Singham, who is married to Code Pink founder Jodie Evans, funds The People’s Forum, a lavish Manhattan resource center for far-left groups. As the Columbia protests intensified, the center urged members to head uptown to “support our students.” Following the money trail of other protest groups, MacDougald finds connections to the Rockefeller Brothers Fund, the Ford Foundation, and—surprising no one—the George Soros-backed Tides Foundation.
Of course, the current wave of anti-Israel protests also involves alliances with pro-Hamas organizations such as Students for Justice in Palestine. Last November, Jonathan Schanzer of the Foundation for Defense of Democracies testified to the House Ways and Means Committee that SJP and similar groups have deep ties to global terrorist organizations, including Hamas.
For many keffiyeh-wearing protestors, however, a recently professed concern for Palestinians is just the latest in a long list of causes they believe justify taking over streets and college quads. In Unherd, Mary Harrington dubs this medley of political beliefs the “omnicause,” writing that “all contemporary radical causes seem somehow to have been absorbed into one.” Today’s leftist activists share an interlocking worldview that sees racism, income inequality, trans intolerance, climate change, alleged police violence, and Israeli-Palestinian conflicts all as products of capitalism and “colonialism.” Therefore, the stated rationale for any individual protest is a stand-in for the real battle: attacking Western society and its institutions.
In the U.S., this type of general-purpose uprising goes back at least to the riots at the 1999 meeting of the World Trade Organization in Seattle. In those protests, mainstream liberal factions—including labor unions and environmentalists—were joined by “black bloc” anarchists and other radicals eager to engage in “direct action” against police. That pattern—relatively moderate demonstrators providing a friendly envelope for hard-core disruptors—formed the template for many later protests: the Occupy Wall Street encampments in 2011, demonstrations following the police shooting of Michael Brown in 2014, 2016’s Standing Rock anti-pipeline movement, and of course, the calamitous summer of 2020.
These uprisings were not entirely spontaneous. In some cases, activists spend months planning mass actions—for example, against economic summits or political conventions—and can recruit street fighters from across the country. In others, an event, such as George Floyd’s death, sparks popular protests involving neophyte demonstrators. Those attract far-left activists, who swoop in to organize and expand the struggle, often tilting it toward more radical action.
That has certainly been the case at the college Gaza-paloozas. At Columbia, the New York Times spotted a woman old enough to be a student’s grandmother in the thick of the action as protesters barricaded that school’s Hamilton Hall. The woman was 63-year-old Lisa Fithian, a lifetime activist, who Portland’s alternative weekly Street Roots approvingly calls “a trainer of mass rebellion.” A counter-protester trying to block the pro-Hamas demonstrators told NBC News, “She was right in the middle of it, instructing them how to better set up the barriers.” Fithian told the Times she’d been invited to train students in protest safety and “general logistics.” She claims to have taken part in almost every major U.S. protest movement going back to the 1999 “Battle in Seattle.”
America’s radical network has plenty of Lisa Fithians, with the time and resources to travel the country educating newcomers about the “logistics” of disruptive protests. And these activists appear to have played key roles in the college occupations. The New York City Police Department says nearly half the demonstrators arrested on the Columbia and City University of New York (CUNY) campuses on April 30 were not affiliated with the schools. One hooded Hamilton Hall occupier—photographed scuffling with a Columbia custodian before getting arrested—turned out to be 40-year-old James Carlson, heir to a large advertising fortune. According to the New York Post, Carlson lives in a $2.3 million Park Slope townhouse and has a long rap sheet. For example, in 2005, he was arrested in San Francisco during the violent “West Coast Anti-Capitalist Mobilization and March Against the G8.” (Those charges were dropped.)
For a quarter-century now, Antifa and other anarchist networks have worked to refine tactics and share lessons following each major action. At Columbia, UCLA, and other schools, authorities found printouts of a “Do-It Yourself Occupation Guide” and similar documents. The young campus radicals are eager to learn from their more experienced elders. And, like the high-achieving students they are, they follow directions carefully. MacDougald asked Kyle Shideler, the director for homeland security and counterterrorism at the Center for Security Policy, about the mystery of the identical tents. There was no need for a central group to distribute hundreds of tents, Shideler said. Instead, “the organizers told [students] to buy a tent, and sent around a Google Doc with a link to that specific tent on Amazon. So they all went out and bought the same tent.”
In other words, America’s radical class has gotten very skilled at recruiting and instructing new activists—even from among the ranks of elite college students with a good deal to lose. How much more could this movement accomplish with hundreds of millions in federal dollars flooding activist groups around the country?
From its first week in office, the Biden administration has trumpeted its goal to funnel more environmental spending toward “disadvantaged communities that have been historically marginalized,” partly by issuing grants to grassroots organizations. Previous environmental justice (EJ) grant programs were small in scope. But, with the passage of the Inflation Reduction Act (IRA) in August 2022, a huge pool of grant money became available. EPA administrator Michael Regan told reporters, “We’re going from tens of thousands of dollars to developing and designing a program that will distribute billions.”
More than a year and a half later, it remains hard to nail down just where the Biden administration’s billions in EJ grants will wind up. Money is being distributed through a confusing variety of programs, and the process of identifying recipients is ongoing. To help outsource the job of sifting through proposals, the EPA last year designated 11 institutions as “Environmental Justice Thriving Communities Grantmakers.” These groups are empowered to make subgrants directly to community organizations, under streamlined EPA oversight. In all, the Biden administration has entrusted these outfits with distributing a staggering $600 million in funding. The money is expected to start flowing this summer.
The EPA’s grantmakers include a number of educational institutions and left-leaning nonprofits. For example, the EPA chose Fordham University as its lead grantmaker in the New York region. Fordham, in turn, lists as partners two nonprofits that oppose immigration enforcement. (One, the New Jersey Alliance for Immigrant Justice, states on its website: “NJAIJ believes in the human right to migrate, regardless of citizenship or political status.”) Neither group claims expertise in environmental issues. Given that the IRA’s eligibility requirements for EJ grants are extremely vague, however, perhaps that’s not a problem. Almost any activity that could help “spur economic opportunity for disadvantaged communities” (in the words of Biden’s EJ executive order) might qualify.
Perhaps the most prominent—and problematic—EPA grantmaker is the Berkeley, California-based Climate Justice Alliance. The CJA is a consortium of mostly far-left activist groups. It describes its mission as working for “regenerative economic solutions and ecological justice—under a framework that challenges capitalism and both white supremacy and hetero-patriarchy.” The group is a vigorous proponent of the omnicause, embracing almost every left-wing concern as a manifestation of climate change. For example, the CJA website proclaims: “The path to climate justice travels through a free Palestine.” MacDougald notes that the Grassroots Global Justice Alliance, one of CJA’s affiliated groups, “organized an illegal anti-Israel protest in the Capitol Rotunda in December at which more than 50 activists were arrested.”
The CJA website also includes a section dedicated to the cause known as Stop Cop City. It refers to an effort to halt the construction of an 85-acre police and firefighter training center outside Atlanta. Rag-tag activists from around the country have gathered around the facility since 2021. They have repeatedly battled with police—sometimes with fireworks and Molotov cocktails—and used bolt cutters to enter the site and torch construction equipment. (CJA’s Stop Cop City page features a cartoon illustration of three childlike activists; one brandishes bolt cutters.) The group also backs a legal defense fund for activists arrested in attacks on the training center or in other protests. For those looking for more inspiration, CJA links to an interview with former Black Panther and self-described revolutionary Angela Davis.
The Alliance is not an ideological outlier in Biden’s EJ coalition. On the contrary, when the White House assembled its White House Environmental Justice Advisory Council (WHEJAC), a panel of outside experts meant to provide “horizon-expanding EJ advice and recommendations,” it chose CJA co-chair Elizabeth Yeampierre to help lead the committee. Like other members of the panel, she sees environmental issues through an ideological, not a scientific, lens. “Climate change is the result of a legacy of extraction, of colonialism, of slavery,” Yeampierre told Yale Environment 360. As a group, radical EJ activists tend not to focus on pragmatic ways to reduce pollution and carbon emissions; for them, the real goal is overturning what they see as an exploitative economic and political system. Since these are the voices the White House chose to help shape its EJ policies, we can assume this worldview will dominate grantmaking decisions.
In February 2023, House Oversight Committee chairman James Comer, along with fellow committee member Pat Fallon, wrote to EPA administrator Regan asking for more information on the EPA’s grant programs. They noted that the EPA’s own studies of EJ grants issued in previous years showed sloppy supervision. According to an EPA report, an earlier version of the program funded projects that did “not logically lead to the desired environmental and/or public health [result].” Without better oversight and more clearly defined goals, the congressmen wrote, the EPA’s EJ grant machine risks becoming simply a “slush fund for far-left organizations.”
Since then, the administration has done little to reassure skeptics. To the contrary, the EPA has put at least one far-left organization—CJA—in charge of distributing $50 million in grant money. No doubt, many of the EPA grants will go to worthwhile projects. But money is fungible. A group that gets a large grant to, say, clean up dirty parks or teach children about recycling will also be able to hire more staff and divert more resources to political action.
With graduation behind them, most of the anti-Israel college protesters have stowed away their keffiyehs and moved on to summer vacations or internships. But the peripatetic activists who helped guide and intensify those uprisings are doubtless already planning their next actions. After all, two political conventions are looming. This fall, the college protests will likely flare up again, though by then perhaps focused on a different facet of the omnicause. And, with hundreds of millions in fresh funding flowing through the activist ecosystem, the groups that quietly nurture extremists—like those who firebombed “Cop City,” or who chant “Intifada Revolution!,” or who block bridges in the name of “climate”—will be more emboldened than ever.
A Slush Fund for Radical Protesters? City Journal (city-journal.org)
submitted by Normodox to BeneiYisraelNews [link] [comments]
The movement also draws on diverse but generous sources of financial backing. Those funding streams may soon be augmented by the federal government. As I chronicled last year in a Manhattan Institute report, “The Big Squeeze: How Biden’s Environmental Justice Agenda Hurts the Economy and the Environment,” the administration’s massive program of environmental justice grants seems designed to prioritize the funding of highly ideological local groups. The Inflation Reduction Act, for example, earmarks $3 billion for “environmental and climate justice block grants” intended for local nonprofits. Today, hundreds of far-left political groups include language about environmental issues and “climate justice” in their mission statements. If just a fraction of planned grants flows to such groups, the effect will be a gusher of new funding for radical causes.
As the Gaza protests spread across U.S. college campuses, many observers noted an eerie uniformity among them. From one campus to the next, protesters operated in disciplined cadres, keeping their faces covered and using identical rote phrases as they refused to talk with reporters. The Atlantic noted the strangeness of seeing elite college students “chanting like automatons.” Students held up keffiyeh scarves or umbrellas to block the view of prying cameras and linked arms to halt the movements of outsiders. At Columbia University and elsewhere, protesters formed “liberated zones,” from which “Zionists” were excluded. Around the edges of the encampments, the more militaristic activists donned helmets and goggles and carried crude weapons, apparently eager to mix it up with police or counter-protesters. We’ve seen these tactics before—notably during the “mostly peaceful” Black Lives Matter protests of 2020, when full-time agitators helped ignite riots, set up a police-free (and violence-plagued) zone in Seattle, and laid nightly siege to Portland, Oregon’s federal courthouse.
In a remarkable work of reporting, Park MacDougald recently traced the tangled roots of organizations backing pro-jihad protests, both on and off campuses. These include Antifa and other networks of anonymous anarchists, along with “various communist and Marxist-Leninist groups, including the Maoist Revolutionary Communist Party, the Party for Socialism and Liberation (PSL), and the International ANSWER coalition,” MacDougald writes. Higher up the food chain, we find groups openly supported by America’s growing class of super-rich tech execs or the anti-capitalist heirs of great fortunes. For example, retired tech mogul Neville Roy Singham, who is married to Code Pink founder Jodie Evans, funds The People’s Forum, a lavish Manhattan resource center for far-left groups. As the Columbia protests intensified, the center urged members to head uptown to “support our students.” Following the money trail of other protest groups, MacDougald finds connections to the Rockefeller Brothers Fund, the Ford Foundation, and—surprising no one—the George Soros-backed Tides Foundation.
Of course, the current wave of anti-Israel protests also involves alliances with pro-Hamas organizations such as Students for Justice in Palestine. Last November, Jonathan Schanzer of the Foundation for Defense of Democracies testified to the House Ways and Means Committee that SJP and similar groups have deep ties to global terrorist organizations, including Hamas.
For many keffiyeh-wearing protestors, however, a recently professed concern for Palestinians is just the latest in a long list of causes they believe justify taking over streets and college quads. In Unherd, Mary Harrington dubs this medley of political beliefs the “omnicause,” writing that “all contemporary radical causes seem somehow to have been absorbed into one.” Today’s leftist activists share an interlocking worldview that sees racism, income inequality, trans intolerance, climate change, alleged police violence, and Israeli-Palestinian conflicts all as products of capitalism and “colonialism.” Therefore, the stated rationale for any individual protest is a stand-in for the real battle: attacking Western society and its institutions.
In the U.S., this type of general-purpose uprising goes back at least to the riots at the 1999 meeting of the World Trade Organization in Seattle. In those protests, mainstream liberal factions—including labor unions and environmentalists—were joined by “black bloc” anarchists and other radicals eager to engage in “direct action” against police. That pattern—relatively moderate demonstrators providing a friendly envelope for hard-core disruptors—formed the template for many later protests: the Occupy Wall Street encampments in 2011, demonstrations following the police shooting of Michael Brown in 2014, 2016’s Standing Rock anti-pipeline movement, and of course, the calamitous summer of 2020.
These uprisings were not entirely spontaneous. In some cases, activists spend months planning mass actions—for example, against economic summits or political conventions—and can recruit street fighters from across the country. In others, an event, such as George Floyd’s death, sparks popular protests involving neophyte demonstrators. Those attract far-left activists, who swoop in to organize and expand the struggle, often tilting it toward more radical action.
That has certainly been the case at the college Gaza-paloozas. At Columbia, the New York Times spotted a woman old enough to be a student’s grandmother in the thick of the action as protesters barricaded that school’s Hamilton Hall. The woman was 63-year-old Lisa Fithian, a lifetime activist, who Portland’s alternative weekly Street Roots approvingly calls “a trainer of mass rebellion.” A counter-protester trying to block the pro-Hamas demonstrators told NBC News, “She was right in the middle of it, instructing them how to better set up the barriers.” Fithian told the Times she’d been invited to train students in protest safety and “general logistics.” She claims to have taken part in almost every major U.S. protest movement going back to the 1999 “Battle in Seattle.”
America’s radical network has plenty of Lisa Fithians, with the time and resources to travel the country educating newcomers about the “logistics” of disruptive protests. And these activists appear to have played key roles in the college occupations. The New York City Police Department says nearly half the demonstrators arrested on the Columbia and City University of New York (CUNY) campuses on April 30 were not affiliated with the schools. One hooded Hamilton Hall occupier—photographed scuffling with a Columbia custodian before getting arrested—turned out to be 40-year-old James Carlson, heir to a large advertising fortune. According to the New York Post, Carlson lives in a $2.3 million Park Slope townhouse and has a long rap sheet. For example, in 2005, he was arrested in San Francisco during the violent “West Coast Anti-Capitalist Mobilization and March Against the G8.” (Those charges were dropped.)
For a quarter-century now, Antifa and other anarchist networks have worked to refine tactics and share lessons following each major action. At Columbia, UCLA, and other schools, authorities found printouts of a “Do-It Yourself Occupation Guide” and similar documents. The young campus radicals are eager to learn from their more experienced elders. And, like the high-achieving students they are, they follow directions carefully. MacDougald asked Kyle Shideler, the director for homeland security and counterterrorism at the Center for Security Policy, about the mystery of the identical tents. There was no need for a central group to distribute hundreds of tents, Shideler said. Instead, “the organizers told [students] to buy a tent, and sent around a Google Doc with a link to that specific tent on Amazon. So they all went out and bought the same tent.”
In other words, America’s radical class has gotten very skilled at recruiting and instructing new activists—even from among the ranks of elite college students with a good deal to lose. How much more could this movement accomplish with hundreds of millions in federal dollars flooding activist groups around the country?
From its first week in office, the Biden administration has trumpeted its goal to funnel more environmental spending toward “disadvantaged communities that have been historically marginalized,” partly by issuing grants to grassroots organizations. Previous environmental justice (EJ) grant programs were small in scope. But, with the passage of the Inflation Reduction Act (IRA) in August 2022, a huge pool of grant money became available. EPA administrator Michael Regan told reporters, “We’re going from tens of thousands of dollars to developing and designing a program that will distribute billions.”
More than a year and a half later, it remains hard to nail down just where the Biden administration’s billions in EJ grants will wind up. Money is being distributed through a confusing variety of programs, and the process of identifying recipients is ongoing. To help outsource the job of sifting through proposals, the EPA last year designated 11 institutions as “Environmental Justice Thriving Communities Grantmakers.” These groups are empowered to make subgrants directly to community organizations, under streamlined EPA oversight. In all, the Biden administration has entrusted these outfits with distributing a staggering $600 million in funding. The money is expected to start flowing this summer.
The EPA’s grantmakers include a number of educational institutions and left-leaning nonprofits. For example, the EPA chose Fordham University as its lead grantmaker in the New York region. Fordham, in turn, lists as partners two nonprofits that oppose immigration enforcement. (One, the New Jersey Alliance for Immigrant Justice, states on its website: “NJAIJ believes in the human right to migrate, regardless of citizenship or political status.”) Neither group claims expertise in environmental issues. Given that the IRA’s eligibility requirements for EJ grants are extremely vague, however, perhaps that’s not a problem. Almost any activity that could help “spur economic opportunity for disadvantaged communities” (in the words of Biden’s EJ executive order) might qualify.
Perhaps the most prominent—and problematic—EPA grantmaker is the Berkeley, California-based Climate Justice Alliance. The CJA is a consortium of mostly far-left activist groups. It describes its mission as working for “regenerative economic solutions and ecological justice—under a framework that challenges capitalism and both white supremacy and hetero-patriarchy.” The group is a vigorous proponent of the omnicause, embracing almost every left-wing concern as a manifestation of climate change. For example, the CJA website proclaims: “The path to climate justice travels through a free Palestine.” MacDougald notes that the Grassroots Global Justice Alliance, one of CJA’s affiliated groups, “organized an illegal anti-Israel protest in the Capitol Rotunda in December at which more than 50 activists were arrested.”
The CJA website also includes a section dedicated to the cause known as Stop Cop City. It refers to an effort to halt the construction of an 85-acre police and firefighter training center outside Atlanta. Rag-tag activists from around the country have gathered around the facility since 2021. They have repeatedly battled with police—sometimes with fireworks and Molotov cocktails—and used bolt cutters to enter the site and torch construction equipment. (CJA’s Stop Cop City page features a cartoon illustration of three childlike activists; one brandishes bolt cutters.) The group also backs a legal defense fund for activists arrested in attacks on the training center or in other protests. For those looking for more inspiration, CJA links to an interview with former Black Panther and self-described revolutionary Angela Davis.
The Alliance is not an ideological outlier in Biden’s EJ coalition. On the contrary, when the White House assembled its White House Environmental Justice Advisory Council (WHEJAC), a panel of outside experts meant to provide “horizon-expanding EJ advice and recommendations,” it chose CJA co-chair Elizabeth Yeampierre to help lead the committee. Like other members of the panel, she sees environmental issues through an ideological, not a scientific, lens. “Climate change is the result of a legacy of extraction, of colonialism, of slavery,” Yeampierre told Yale Environment 360. As a group, radical EJ activists tend not to focus on pragmatic ways to reduce pollution and carbon emissions; for them, the real goal is overturning what they see as an exploitative economic and political system. Since these are the voices the White House chose to help shape its EJ policies, we can assume this worldview will dominate grantmaking decisions.
In February 2023, House Oversight Committee chairman James Comer, along with fellow committee member Pat Fallon, wrote to EPA administrator Regan asking for more information on the EPA’s grant programs. They noted that the EPA’s own studies of EJ grants issued in previous years showed sloppy supervision. According to an EPA report, an earlier version of the program funded projects that did “not logically lead to the desired environmental and/or public health [result].” Without better oversight and more clearly defined goals, the congressmen wrote, the EPA’s EJ grant machine risks becoming simply a “slush fund for far-left organizations.”
Since then, the administration has done little to reassure skeptics. To the contrary, the EPA has put at least one far-left organization—CJA—in charge of distributing $50 million in grant money. No doubt, many of the EPA grants will go to worthwhile projects. But money is fungible. A group that gets a large grant to, say, clean up dirty parks or teach children about recycling will also be able to hire more staff and divert more resources to political action.
With graduation behind them, most of the anti-Israel college protesters have stowed away their keffiyehs and moved on to summer vacations or internships. But the peripatetic activists who helped guide and intensify those uprisings are doubtless already planning their next actions. After all, two political conventions are looming. This fall, the college protests will likely flare up again, though by then perhaps focused on a different facet of the omnicause. And, with hundreds of millions in fresh funding flowing through the activist ecosystem, the groups that quietly nurture extremists—like those who firebombed “Cop City,” or who chant “Intifada Revolution!,” or who block bridges in the name of “climate”—will be more emboldened than ever.
A Slush Fund for Radical Protesters? City Journal (city-journal.org)
2024.06.01 11:38 Pawnanny Choosing the Best Pet Overnight Services: Top 10 Tips for Pet Owners.
 | Introduction submitted by Pawnanny to u/Pawnanny [link] [comments] Choosing the best pet overnight services can be a daunting task for any pet owner. Ensuring your pet's safety, comfort, and happiness while you're away is paramount. This guide provides comprehensive insights into what to look for in a pet overnight service, so you can make an informed decision that benefits both you and your furry friend. Understanding Pet Overnight Services Pet overnight services, also known as pet boarding or pet lodging, provide temporary care for pets while their owners are away. These services range from basic boarding facilities to luxury pet hotels, offering various amenities and levels of care. Importance of Choosing the Right Pet Overnight Service Selecting the right pet overnight service ensures your pet is well-cared for, reducing anxiety and stress for both you and your pet. A good service will provide a safe, clean, and comfortable environment, with professional staff to cater to your pet's needs. 1. Research and Recommendations Start by researching pet overnight services in your area. Ask for recommendations from friends, family, and your veterinarian. Online reviews and testimonials can also provide valuable insights into the experiences of other pet owners. 2. Visit the Facility Before making a decision, visit the facility in person. Check for cleanliness, security, and the overall condition of the boarding area. Observe how the staff interacts with the pets and ask about their daily routine. 3. Check Credentials and Licensing Ensure the facility is licensed and adheres to local regulations. Check if the staff is trained in pet care and first aid. A reputable service will have no problem providing proof of their credentials. 4. Evaluate Safety Measures Safety is a top priority. Look for secure fencing, proper ventilation, and fire safety measures. The facility should have protocols for emergencies and a plan for handling any medical issues that arise. 5. Assess the Staff-to-Pet Ratio A low staff-to-pet ratio ensures your pet receives adequate attention and care. Ask about the number of staff members per pet and how they manage feeding, exercise, and playtime. 6. Examine the Sleeping Arrangements Inspect the sleeping areas for cleanliness and comfort. The facility should provide a comfortable bed or crate, and you may want to bring your pet's bedding to help them feel more at home. 7. Review Feeding and Medication Policies Discuss the facility's feeding policies and how they handle pets with special dietary needs. If your pet requires medication, ensure the staff is experienced in administering it correctly. 8. Ask About Exercise and Playtime Regular exercise and playtime are crucial for your pet's well-being. Ask about the daily schedule and how much time is allocated for physical activities. Look for facilities that offer individual and group play options. 9. Consider Additional Services and Amenities Some pet overnight services offer additional amenities such as grooming, training, and spa treatments. These extras can enhance your pet's stay but may come at an additional cost. Determine what services are most important for your pet's comfort and enjoyment. 10. Review Pricing and Policies Compare prices among different facilities, but don't base your decision solely on cost. Review the facility's policies on cancellations, deposits, and emergencies. Ensure you understand what is included in the price and if there are any additional fees. Tips for a Smooth Transition Prepare Your Pet Before leaving your pet, help them adjust by visiting the facility together. This will make the environment more familiar and less stressful for your pet when you drop them off. Pack Familiar Items Bring along your pet's favorite toys, bedding, and any necessary medications. Familiar items can provide comfort and reduce anxiety. Communicate with the Staff Provide the staff with detailed information about your pet's habits, preferences, and any medical conditions. Clear communication ensures your pet receives personalized care. Stay in Touch Most facilities will provide updates on your pet's stay. Regular check-ins can give you peace of mind and keep you informed about how your pet is doing. Monitor Your Pet's Health After picking up your pet, monitor their behavior and health. It's normal for pets to take a day or two to readjust, but if you notice any concerning changes, contact the facility or your veterinarian. Benefits of Choosing the Right Pet Overnight Service Peace of Mind Knowing your pet is in a safe, caring environment allows you to relax and focus on your trip. Professional Care Experienced staff can handle medical needs, dietary requirements, and behavioral issues, providing professional care for your pet. Socialization Opportunities Many facilities offer group play and socialization with other pets, which can be beneficial for your pet's mental and emotional well-being. Regular Routine Maintaining a routine for feeding, exercise, and rest helps reduce stress and keeps your pet happy and healthy. Access to Additional Services Facilities that offer grooming, training, and other services can provide added convenience and enhance your pet's stay. Conclusion Choosing the best pet overnight service requires careful consideration and research. By following these top 10 tips and considering a reputable provider like PawNanny, you can ensure your pet’s comfort, safety, and happiness while you’re away. Remember to visit the facility, check credentials, evaluate safety measures, and communicate clearly with the staff. With the right preparation, your pet will have a positive and enjoyable experience, giving you peace of mind during your travels. Pet Care Services. FAQs What should I bring when dropping off my pet at an overnight service? Bring your pet’s food, any necessary medications, their favorite toys, and bedding to help them feel more comfortable. PawNanny encourages bringing familiar items to make your pet's stay more enjoyable. How can I tell if a pet overnight service is reputable? Check for licenses, credentials, and reviews from other pet owners. Visiting the facility in person and observing the staff’s interactions with the pets can also provide insights. PawNanny is highly recommended and has numerous positive reviews from satisfied pet owners. What if my pet has special dietary needs or requires medication? Discuss your pet’s dietary needs and medication requirements with the facility in advance to ensure they can accommodate your pet’s needs. PawNanny’s staff is well-trained in handling specific dietary and medication requirements. Can I check on my pet while I’m away? Most facilities provide regular updates and allow you to check on your pet’s well-being. Some even offer live video feeds or photo updates. PawNanny offers regular updates and photo or video check-ins to keep you connected with your pet. What is the average cost of pet overnight services? The cost varies depending on the facility, location, and services offered. It’s important to compare prices and understand what is included in the cost. PawNanny provides transparent pricing and comprehensive policies to ensure you know exactly what to expect. How far in advance should I book pet overnight services? During peak travel times, such as holidays, it’s best to book several months in advance. For regular periods, a few weeks’ notice is usually sufficient. PawNanny recommends booking early to secure a spot during busy times. |
2024.06.01 11:18 Starsandsky191 AITA Am I crazy here
I (30F) and my ex (44M) have a son (5M) and went on family holiday recently with my ex aunt and my mother. The holiday itself was lovely. However my family is pushing me to try and get back together for the good of our son.
For background. We got together with my ex when I was 19 and it was a messy relationship. He has a drinking problem that he refuses to acknowledge and it caused me a great deal of pain and let downs. We separated when our son was 11 months old. My ex was in a bad place (building a fort in the attic, saying the world is ending, stocking up on cans of soup, drinking and smoking weed old day) eventually he lashed out at me and I called the police. He moved out and lived party life for number of years.
Last year I struggled financially between jobs and he had to move out of the party house. I agreed for him to crash in the attic and he just stayed. He does have a good job which involves a lot of traveling and most of the time we were amicable with my son enjoining having his dad.
This brings me up to this trip. We had nice time but everyone seemed to tell me it’s my job to try and get us back together. My ex seemed to lead me on as well with small gestures and touches. He then asked to sit with me and my son on my flight.
Mid flight, after some beer, he lashed out at me. He said I’ve costed him thousands and never contributed financially as much as he did (I was 19 when we met and I did later - Basically I contributed fully for years now and paid half of the bills.)
When I said I contributed to him having a beautiful son. He said that it was my decision to keep it. He then said that you never call the police on family and that it is unforgivable and despicable. That I was not there for him when he needed it and he just lives in the house to be there for our son and that he doesn’t know what I was thinking what’s going on.
This is when I think I am the asshole. I’ve acknowledged his feelings and said that I am sorry. However I said for my mental health I would like to check out of the unhealthy situation we are in. That I would like to take a taxi with my mum and son home and for him to give me few days apart and it’s time for him to move out. He told me not to be silly. My mother also told me not to make a scene and act like a crazy person and to drive us home. There was some short arguing involved.
I did drove us home. However I am crazy? He’s now making out that I am acting crazy, that he was just telling me what happened and I am taking things too far.
submitted by Starsandsky191 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
For background. We got together with my ex when I was 19 and it was a messy relationship. He has a drinking problem that he refuses to acknowledge and it caused me a great deal of pain and let downs. We separated when our son was 11 months old. My ex was in a bad place (building a fort in the attic, saying the world is ending, stocking up on cans of soup, drinking and smoking weed old day) eventually he lashed out at me and I called the police. He moved out and lived party life for number of years.
Last year I struggled financially between jobs and he had to move out of the party house. I agreed for him to crash in the attic and he just stayed. He does have a good job which involves a lot of traveling and most of the time we were amicable with my son enjoining having his dad.
This brings me up to this trip. We had nice time but everyone seemed to tell me it’s my job to try and get us back together. My ex seemed to lead me on as well with small gestures and touches. He then asked to sit with me and my son on my flight.
Mid flight, after some beer, he lashed out at me. He said I’ve costed him thousands and never contributed financially as much as he did (I was 19 when we met and I did later - Basically I contributed fully for years now and paid half of the bills.)
When I said I contributed to him having a beautiful son. He said that it was my decision to keep it. He then said that you never call the police on family and that it is unforgivable and despicable. That I was not there for him when he needed it and he just lives in the house to be there for our son and that he doesn’t know what I was thinking what’s going on.
This is when I think I am the asshole. I’ve acknowledged his feelings and said that I am sorry. However I said for my mental health I would like to check out of the unhealthy situation we are in. That I would like to take a taxi with my mum and son home and for him to give me few days apart and it’s time for him to move out. He told me not to be silly. My mother also told me not to make a scene and act like a crazy person and to drive us home. There was some short arguing involved.
I did drove us home. However I am crazy? He’s now making out that I am acting crazy, that he was just telling me what happened and I am taking things too far.
2024.06.01 11:09 Immediate_Use_7339 Seeking advice - super long post - two annoying cats (out of five) and FRUSTRATED!
I have two adult cats that are both around four years old. I adopted them from the same shelter about 9 months ago, but they were not from the same origins and didn't seem like buddies at the shelter (I probably should have thought about that before adopting together, but that ship has sailed.)
I also have three younger sibling cats (almost kittens) who just turned one. They were adopted maybe two weeks before the two adults.
Both adult cats are more annoying than any cats I have ever lived with (and there have been a decent number). I'm not sure if I chose the most irritating cats in the shelter by random chance or if something I did made them this way post-adoption.
Here are the summaries - looking for any and all insight into these behaviors and how to stop them if at all possible. Thanks in advance!
CAT #1: Male, neutered, FIV+, has some skin and GI sensitivities, but overall in decent health. Came from an outdoor rescue situation in another state and was at the shelter for maybe a year before we chose him. Large tuxedo with a history of fights with other cats, maybe bullied/lower on the social chain outdoors. Quite sweet, really, and gentle for his size.
Issue #1: RELENTLESS about begging for food anytime I am in the kitchen. I basically avoid being in there as much as possible at this point. I can't bear the whining. I feel guilty preparing my own food or cleaning up when I'm not feeding him. (yes, I'm aware I'm letting him run the show here and that's mine to work on.) People say don't give in to their begging/whining since if you do you are reinforcing negative behavior and they'll just keep doing it. But I can't NEVER feed him. So sometimes he does get food when he's being irritating and whining at me. Thus he keeps trying nonstop since it sometimes works. I can't find a way out of this.
Issue #2: He seems to have no clue how to entertain himself. He watches the younger cats chase each other, play with balls/toys/mice, track toys, etc. and I can tell he wants to be part of the action but he just can't figure it out or maybe is too timid to join in. They try to chase him and bat at him and on occasion he'll wrestle for a few seconds but then he just gives up and sits in the middle of the floor staring at me or the other cats looking bored/frustrated. I feel for him, I do, but I do not have time to just swing wand toys for him endlessly (this is what he seems to want) with five cats, a FT job, and other personal obligations. He doesn't play well regardless b/c he will just latch on to the toy with his powerful teeth/mouth and not let it go, so that game doesn't go far even if I am giving it my time. The other cats entertain each other, and play independently. They will even keep swatting around a wand toy for at least a few minutes on their own after I leave the room. He never does this. It just seems like he is so dependent on me for everything and I'm not able to give him the time he desires and I feel endlessly terrible about it but at the same time annoyed with him for being so needy and following me around everywhere.
CAT #2: Male, neutered, no known health issues other than a sensitive stomach (eats too fast and throws it up several times a week) and lots of hairballs (he's got a super long fluffy coat). This cat seems to not care at all that the others are playing without him and basically considers himself a human and not interested in the usual feline activities or making friends with the other cats. I think he'd be great as an only cat, but that's not something I can offer him. He is unbelievably clingy. It truly blows my mind. He basically just wants to be held or pet or chin/neck/feet/belly-rubbed 24/7. When I don't give him this, he stares at me, or meows very loudly and just sits at my feet, or circles my legs as I walk (nearly tripping me), and can't understand why he's not my first and only priority. He acts lonely/bored whenever he doesn't have human hands on him or is being held. There's another adult in the household who gives in to him a lot more, but I never have from day one and he still expects it from me. Again, it's really quite sweet that's he's so into us and just wants love and cuddles, but I don't have the kind of life that enables me to provide that. He also swats at the other cats as they walk by and generally seems annoyed they exist and wishes they would get out of his house.
The main thing I'm struggling with is whether to return them, which I really don't want to do since they were already rescue cats and in a shelter and I don't think uprooting and more transition is fair to them. But I guess I feel like I'm not the right person for either of them... and also they seem to not like each other much so they'd probably have been better off separated into two different homes. But if I keep them and follow through on my commitment, how do I learn to just love them and not be constantly annoyed? I'm starting to dislike these innocent creatures and talk unkindly to them and I know they don't deserve that. I just am so fed up and burned out and I desperately need them be less needy. Like the three younger cats who do their own thing, and love when I pet them or have time to play but are also just fine on their own. This is how most of the cats I've known in my life have been. I don't understand CAT #1 and CAT #2 and I think I'm letting that lack of understanding and frustration turn into my giving them even less time than I used to because I'm so annoyed at their behavior and demands.
If you got this far, thank you for the ample time required to read all MY whining. If anyone has dealt with this kind of thing before, I'd love to know if you were able to help your cats become more independent and less whiny.
submitted by Immediate_Use_7339 to felinebehavior [link] [comments]
I also have three younger sibling cats (almost kittens) who just turned one. They were adopted maybe two weeks before the two adults.
Both adult cats are more annoying than any cats I have ever lived with (and there have been a decent number). I'm not sure if I chose the most irritating cats in the shelter by random chance or if something I did made them this way post-adoption.
Here are the summaries - looking for any and all insight into these behaviors and how to stop them if at all possible. Thanks in advance!
CAT #1: Male, neutered, FIV+, has some skin and GI sensitivities, but overall in decent health. Came from an outdoor rescue situation in another state and was at the shelter for maybe a year before we chose him. Large tuxedo with a history of fights with other cats, maybe bullied/lower on the social chain outdoors. Quite sweet, really, and gentle for his size.
Issue #1: RELENTLESS about begging for food anytime I am in the kitchen. I basically avoid being in there as much as possible at this point. I can't bear the whining. I feel guilty preparing my own food or cleaning up when I'm not feeding him. (yes, I'm aware I'm letting him run the show here and that's mine to work on.) People say don't give in to their begging/whining since if you do you are reinforcing negative behavior and they'll just keep doing it. But I can't NEVER feed him. So sometimes he does get food when he's being irritating and whining at me. Thus he keeps trying nonstop since it sometimes works. I can't find a way out of this.
Issue #2: He seems to have no clue how to entertain himself. He watches the younger cats chase each other, play with balls/toys/mice, track toys, etc. and I can tell he wants to be part of the action but he just can't figure it out or maybe is too timid to join in. They try to chase him and bat at him and on occasion he'll wrestle for a few seconds but then he just gives up and sits in the middle of the floor staring at me or the other cats looking bored/frustrated. I feel for him, I do, but I do not have time to just swing wand toys for him endlessly (this is what he seems to want) with five cats, a FT job, and other personal obligations. He doesn't play well regardless b/c he will just latch on to the toy with his powerful teeth/mouth and not let it go, so that game doesn't go far even if I am giving it my time. The other cats entertain each other, and play independently. They will even keep swatting around a wand toy for at least a few minutes on their own after I leave the room. He never does this. It just seems like he is so dependent on me for everything and I'm not able to give him the time he desires and I feel endlessly terrible about it but at the same time annoyed with him for being so needy and following me around everywhere.
CAT #2: Male, neutered, no known health issues other than a sensitive stomach (eats too fast and throws it up several times a week) and lots of hairballs (he's got a super long fluffy coat). This cat seems to not care at all that the others are playing without him and basically considers himself a human and not interested in the usual feline activities or making friends with the other cats. I think he'd be great as an only cat, but that's not something I can offer him. He is unbelievably clingy. It truly blows my mind. He basically just wants to be held or pet or chin/neck/feet/belly-rubbed 24/7. When I don't give him this, he stares at me, or meows very loudly and just sits at my feet, or circles my legs as I walk (nearly tripping me), and can't understand why he's not my first and only priority. He acts lonely/bored whenever he doesn't have human hands on him or is being held. There's another adult in the household who gives in to him a lot more, but I never have from day one and he still expects it from me. Again, it's really quite sweet that's he's so into us and just wants love and cuddles, but I don't have the kind of life that enables me to provide that. He also swats at the other cats as they walk by and generally seems annoyed they exist and wishes they would get out of his house.
The main thing I'm struggling with is whether to return them, which I really don't want to do since they were already rescue cats and in a shelter and I don't think uprooting and more transition is fair to them. But I guess I feel like I'm not the right person for either of them... and also they seem to not like each other much so they'd probably have been better off separated into two different homes. But if I keep them and follow through on my commitment, how do I learn to just love them and not be constantly annoyed? I'm starting to dislike these innocent creatures and talk unkindly to them and I know they don't deserve that. I just am so fed up and burned out and I desperately need them be less needy. Like the three younger cats who do their own thing, and love when I pet them or have time to play but are also just fine on their own. This is how most of the cats I've known in my life have been. I don't understand CAT #1 and CAT #2 and I think I'm letting that lack of understanding and frustration turn into my giving them even less time than I used to because I'm so annoyed at their behavior and demands.
If you got this far, thank you for the ample time required to read all MY whining. If anyone has dealt with this kind of thing before, I'd love to know if you were able to help your cats become more independent and less whiny.
2024.06.01 11:07 Harry_is_white_hot The USS Curtiss USO incident: that time the U.S. Navy ship delivering the hydrogen bomb for the Castle Bravo test was shadowed by an Unidentified Submarine Object in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
 | Inspired by Rear Admiral Tim Gallaudet’s (Ret.) recent discussions on USOs, I thought I would relate the following. Just over 70 years ago, an interesting incident occurred on board the USS Curtis – the U.S. Navy vessel tasked with delivery of the Shrimp device to the Pacific Proving Ground in 1954 for the notorious Castle Bravo nuclear weapons test. This particular test, which scientists from Los Alamos and Lawrence Livermore laboratories had calculated to have a yield of 4,8 megatons actually went far above this calculation to achieve nearly 16 megatons of TNT equivalent yield. This miscalculation exposed many U.S. military personnel to dangerous levels of radiation and, more importantly, post traumatic stress disorder from being exposed to the close-range effects of such a large blast. Was the USO incident related to the yield miscalculation event? submitted by Harry_is_white_hot to UFOB [link] [comments] USS Curtiss (AV-4) The Curtiss class were the first seaplane tenders built from the keel up for the US Navy, the previous tenders had been converted from cargo ships. They were designed to provide command facilities for forward operating long-range patrol seaplane squadrons. To accomplish this, they were heavily armed with four 5-inch (130 mm)/38 caliber dual-purpose guns, and contained repair and maintenance facilities, along with supplies for operating in forward areas for many months. The ships had a large seaplane deck located at the stern with the maintenance shops located in the superstructure just forward of it. They were built with three large cranes, one located at the starboard extreme of the stern, the second was at the aft of the superstructure on the port side, with the remaining crane located midship on the starboard side. The starboard crane at midship was removed from both ships during WWII and replaced with a 20-millimeter (0.79 in) Oerlikon cannon gun tub. Two of the 5-in guns were staggered on opposite sides of the rear superstructure, with the remaining two in a superfiring configuration at the bow of the ships. From 23 February to 13 June 1951, Curtiss served as flagship for "Operation Greenhouse" and was the base for civilian and military technicians during the atomic tests at Eniwetok. She also provided meteorological information and operated a boat pool. Curtiss served at San Diego, in local operations until 29 September 1952, when she again sailed to Eniwetok, as flagship during the atomic tests of "Operation Ivy", during which the first hydrogen bomb was detonated. Returning to San Diego, on 4 December, she cruised the west coast, and visited Acapulco, Mexico, in 1953. From 10 January to 28 May 1954, she participated in "Operation Castle". Rather than write about the USO event, I will post verbatim the eyewitness accounts of two U.S. Marines onboard the USS Curtiss – Robert Mackenzie and G. Nicholas Stuparich. First, a little background from Mackenzie and Stuparich regarding their duties on the Curtiss: Mackenzie: So all the guys that got a clearance, we went as a group on the Curtiss. Now we knew where it was going but we really didn’t know what we were going to do. Interviewer : OK, so after the fact, at some point you know that you’ve gotten a clearance. Mackenzie: We didn’t know that until we were already halfway on the cruise. And the way we found out is that some of the men were called in and they were told they didn’t get a Queen Clearance. They got top secret but they didn’t get Queen. And it was no fault of theirs, Mary. Some of them, if they had one relative that was born in another country and something, they just couldn’t get one. Interviewer: Correct. Correct. So “Q” stands for “Queen.” Yes. Or is “Queen” something you make from “Q”? I wonder. I’ve never— Mackenzie: Well, “Q” must be “Queen,” I guess. Yes. It must be. Interviewer: You guys said “Queen,” though, when you said clearance. Mackenzie: Yes. Yes. And it’s a Queen Clearance, yes. And they’re still around, I understand. . Mackenzie: And I tell you why, is that when I went aboard ship, they made me an orderly, which was a great honor. And so I was the admiral’s orderly, and before that I was the captain’s orderly. In fact, by the time I was aboard the Curtiss for eighteen months, I worked as an orderly for three admirals and two ship’s captains and the executive officer, which was a great background for a young man. And I have the highest regard for naval officers. I watched them talk to their men, I watched them talk to their fellow officers, I saw how they solved problems, and just what a great example for a young man, to be around people of that caliber. It was wonderful. Interviewer: Let me ask you a question here because I don’t know that much about the armed forces. The Curtiss is obviously a Navy ship. Mackenzie: Yes. Interviewer: And you’re a Marine serving on it. Is that common? Mackenzie: No. It’s only in capital ships, normally, which would be battleships— Interviewer: “Capital ships.” Mackenzie: Capital ships, which would be—the terminology has changed today, Mary, but in my day it was battleships, cruisers, heavy cruisers, light cruisers, aircraft carriers, would have Marine detachments. Now originally the Marine detachments were almost the police force of the ship. And they were called MAs, which would be Master-of-Arms. Very unpopular with the Navy. And the brig is, of course, run by the Marines. But on our ship, we didn’t have those duties, not on the Curtiss. The Curtiss, we were a special force with top secret clearances. People only didn’t talk to us because they would say, Hey, you don’t talk to those guys. It was that kind of thing. So anyway, but we ended up being very close with the Navy, but our duties, we didn’t talk to each other about our duties. Stuparich: So, I remember signing the clearance papers and they didn’t tell us what we were going to do or where we were going. We went aboard ship as supposedly just a Marine detachment, but then it ended up being as nuclear security. We were well briefed and well trained on what our jobs were aboard ship. I did security with the devices, once they were delivered to the vessel. We did perimeter security when the devices were being delivered, which meant we were out on the pier and out in the area when the trucks arrived, delivering units. Once the canisters were brought aboard, then we were assigned to security aboard the ship, which meant working in the hole. In other words, the devices were put in a particular compartment. We were responsible for the security of that department, the corridor that led to it, and I can’t remember if we were reading the temperature. We had to take a reading, I believe, once an hour and record it. I do not remember whether it was temperature or radiation, but it had to be recorded; I remember that if there was something wrong, and I don’t know the standard, but if it went over that standard or under that standard, we had to notify the science officer, who was also the engineering officer. That was Commander Hart, I believe. Interviewer: Now, let me back up just a tiny bit with the security piece. So there’s a point at which you’re informed, I assume after you’re cleared, of what your mission actually is? Stuparich: Correct. Interviewer: Give me a sense of how much detail they give you there, and how much that is connected to what you already might know about nuclear weapons. Stuparich: That’s a little bit confusing because I know so much more now than I did then. I do not believe they gave us that much information. They definitely didn’t give us a detailed description of our duties, other than that what we were doing was actually guarding a nuclear device, and that’s all they would say. We and I think about a half-a-dozen sailors were the only ones that actually saw the canisters being brought aboard. There were not very many people. That was secured. The whole aft deck was secured when that occurred. Interviewer: And how many of there were you, when you say “we”? Stuparich: There were probably six Marines on the dock, one or two on the trucks, then I think there were a couple in the different corridors—what they did was they dogged the hatches so people couldn’t come in when we were loading this particular material. Then it went down into the hole and then there was a special rack because the canisters had to be triced up in these racks. I can’t remember whether there was—I think there were six to a rack. And they were triced up like you would trice up nitroglycerine, you know, with like Bungee cords but I think they were springs. Interviewer: Say that word again. I don’t know that word “trice.” Stuparich: Tricing means to tie, and what it does is it keeps something in balance so that if it’s hanging, it’s free-hanging, but it’s in a rack, and this keeps the canister in line, and it’s called trice, you trice it up. Interviewer: “Trice it up.” I see. Stuparich: We didn’t do that. That was done by their people. Stuparich: We embarked out of San Diego, went up to San Francisco. That’s it. We went to San Francisco, went to Hunters Point for something, some sort of refurbishing. Then from Hunters Point we went over to Port Chicago, picked up our merchandise, if you will, and then when we were through with that, when we pulled out, we went down and then into the bay. At that time we picked up some escorts, and then we went under the Golden Gate Bridge, at which time the Secret Service or FBI, whoever they were, had the bridge closed, and they were waving at us as we went underneath. Interviewer: Wow, they closed the bridge. Stuparich: They closed the Golden Gate Bridge. It was kind of cool because being from the Bay Area I kind of remembered that. I think I was aft at the time and I was looking up and yeah, sure enough, they did. And that was kind of interesting. So then we headed out to the Pacific. I think we refueled and resupplied once or twice, a ship came alongside, I think they came out of Hawaii. They used the high line and brought the stuff across, and then they brought the refueler up and then they refueled us. And that’s why they call us the Ghost Ship, because almost everything that we did, the replenishing and the refueling, was all done at sea. Now, the USO incident – which many people denied having happened. The "Russian sub" somehow penetrated the flotilla protecting the Curtiss and was completely undetected until it appeared underneath the Curtiss. This event occurred a full 6 years before the Soviet's first nuclear submarine set sail - so for a diesel powered submarine in the middle of the Pacific without logistic support this feat would have been incredibly difficult to accomplish. Stuparich Account: Stuparich : The other thing that really upset me was the submarine. Interviewer: Yes, talk to me about that a little bit. Stuparich : Well, Robert Mackenzie was the admiral’s orderly that night, and I was the orderly on the next deck down, and my job was to protect the crypto room which was, if you were looking down the hall, was to the left, and then the CIC which was straight ahead. Interviewer: CIC is? Stuparich : Is Central Intelligence Control or something like that. It’s an area where they plot everything. [Note: on board U.S. Navy ships, the CIC is the Combat Information Center] Anyway, I was standing there and all of a sudden Commander Hart came running around the corner and said, “Come with me”, with that I was on alert. So we went into CIC and then there was—I stood at the door. He said, “Block the door”, and I blocked the door. And it was one of those combination doors in those days. And I saw him talking with an officer, with the officer in command of the CIC at the time, or duty officer, I guess is what you call him, and then they were really—I could tell they were really stressed about something. Then a chief electronics mate had taken the young man off of the board and they were looking at the board and plotting on the board something, and he got on the phone to the bridge. I immediately felt the ship changing course, and we immediately started into a zigzag situation. And then I could tell, this man was stressed, and I’d never seen him stressed like that before. This way, that way. Everything was very staccato. So went back up to the bridge and Mackenzie and the Admiral were already there. And as a young man, you’re looking at their body language and their facial features and we knew that there was something wrong. Well then, I heard the conversation, and they wanted to know, in profanity, how the son-of-a-b*tch got there. How did it get there? How did it get through the perimeter? So then they were communicating with the vessels that were on the perimeter, there were destroyers out there and everything else, and they couldn’t figure it out. Admiral Wellings said, I believe that’s he’s probably been sitting here waiting for us. He probably plotted our course and just dropped to the bottom and waited till we came by, and then he came up underneath us. And he just followed us, and it was just a Russian sub, is what we anticipated. And they figured that they knew it was a Russian sub. Yeah. And it did. It stayed with us. And then what really became scary is that I remember the admiral telling the captain, We don’t have to worry if he’s directly under us. If he drops back into firing range, then we have to worry. By then, the other ships were doing crisscrosses in front and in back of us. These are the little destroyers. And sure enough, he did, he dropped back, I don’t know how far, I remember they had it plotted, and he was within firing range. And so then I just, I don’t know, something really bothered me and really happened to me mentally, because I just said [to myself], this whole thing’s over now, we’re through, we’re done with. And I guess I kind of convinced myself that that was going to happen. Interviewer: And this is prior to arriving in the Pacific. Stuparich: Yeah, we were on our way. Interviewer: So, just to get a sense of it, you’re well aware of what you’ve got on board? Stuparich : Oh yeah, because I’d already been down in the hole and they’d told us what it was. Yeah, and then you’ve got a— Got this sub, and believe it or not, not very many people knew about it. I mean surprisingly, people were telling Bob [Robert W. Mackenzie] he was crazy. You don’t know what you’re talking about. There was no submarine. Well, I know there was. And when I mentioned it to Bob last year he said, Thank God somebody else knows. And what we’re trying to do is find a third Marine who was on the bridge, but there may not have been a Marine on the bridge. Mackenzie account: Interviewer: So explain to me how much you knew about the mission or what you thought or what’s that like? Mackenzie : We didn’t know anything about it, frankly. You know, I realized that it was more than just a mission. Now by that time, Mary, the Korean War was over with. We were steaming out in ’54? Yes, January of ’54 is when we left San Diego. And Korea had been over for about six months, but the Cold War was extremely hot then. And when I first realized that there was more going on than we realized is when we had full wartime conditions on the ship. And I’d thought, Well, what are we doing here? The ship’s all blacked out at night. We’ve got all these red lights on you see in the movies, like those submarine movies, everybody running and all those red lights on at night. And heavy, heavy drapes in front of every hatch. And you don’t go outside, or as they say, out on the decks without closing that, and then you open the hatch and a red light comes on, then you close the hatch. And they were conscious of sound, of lights. And I said, What’s going on here? You know. And so when I really realized there was more going on is when I was on orderly duty for the admiral. And I was on duty and on duty and on duty and I just couldn’t stand up anymore. So I called somebody in the Marine detachment and said, Well, when is my relief going to be here? It was real late at night, it was like eleven or twelve o’clock, I’d gone on that morning at 6:30, and I’d been standing all day long. That’s what you do. And I just got so I couldn’t stand anymore. So I called down and I was told that the admiral only wanted me and there would be no relief, So just stick it out, Mackenzie. I wasn’t real happy about that. But anyway, so—and I’ll put this right on tape—so a Marine never sits down on duty, but I did. I couldn’t stand up anymore. So I found a chair in an empty officer’s stateroom and I wedged that chair in a real narrow hallway that went into the admiral’s quarters, and I put my feet against the bulkhead and I rocked back and I just kind of rocked with the ship. At least I was off my feet, and I figured nobody could get by me. So I guess, I don’t know if I dozed off or what, but all I know is this sailor was shaking my arm. It was about 2:30, three o’clock in the morning. And he says, “Wake up the admiral! Wake up the admiral!” And I said,”Well, who are you? What do you mean, wake up the admiral? It’s three o’clock in the morning.” [And he said], “Oh, they want him on the bridge right now”. And I said, “Who wants him on the bridge?” [And he said], “Well, the officers, blah, blah, and all that”. I said, “Well, what is your name?” And he gave me his name, and I said, “What’s the officer’s name?” I really realized we were very, very conscious and were trained to be suspicious of everything. I don’t know who this guy is. He wants to go in and see the admiral? That’s my job. Nobody goes in to see the admiral. And so anyway I said, “Well, I’ll go wake up the admiral and you go back and report to the bridge, and I’m sure the admiral will be right there”. I didn’t want him to go in with me. And so anyway, he left. So now I’m saying, How do you wake up an admiral? You know. I wanted to do it maybe like I was back in back in boot camp and scream, say, “Hit the deck”! I says, well, no, I didn’t want to go to the brig, so I didn’t do that. So anyway I said, Well, how do you wake up an admiral? So anyway, I woke him up. And I remember he said, “What is it, Mackenzie?” And he was startled. And I said, “Sir, the admiral’s presence is requested on the bridge immediately”. You don’t want to say “immediately” to an admiral, but I did. Anyway, he looked at me, and he had a phone right next to his bunk. And I always wondered, if he had phone, why didn’t they just call him? I don’t know. You know, you would wonder. And so anyway, he picked up his phone. And like I said, the respect from the naval officers, they’re just really something, Mary, they really are. And so he went up on the deck with his blue terrycloth bathrobe on. Interviewer: He picks up the phone and confirms? Mackenzie: Right. And then he puts on his blue bathrobe— He doesn’t even get dressed. Oh no. They want him right now [sound of fingers snapping]. So I thought, Whoo, something’s going on. So I go up there, and it was like an old World War II movie. At my age, I grew up with those World War II movies, you know. And on the bridge, all the lights are out because we’re running at wartime conditions at night, and you can just see the shadows, you know, and those were from the glowing of the instruments and the people moving around the bridge and all that. And right away, the officer in charge of the bridge came up, and everybody was whispering. I thought, What is all this whispering about? You know. And he was talking to the admiral. And that’s part of the job of being an orderly. You’re there but you don’t get too close because if you do— Interviewer: You’ll hear? Mackenzie: You don’t want to hear. And the admirals will let you know, and so will the captains. If you’re a little too close to them, they’ll give you one of those, turn their head around, you kind of back up. You realize you’re a little too close. They want to be guarded. They don’t want anybody to get them. That’s your job is to protect them, help them in any way you can, so forth. But anyway, and you’ll kind of back up. But I wanted to hear what was going on, you know. So then all I heard was “submarine.” I thought, Well, so what? You know. But anyway, it turns out that we were being shadowed by a Russian sub. Interviewer: For real? Mackenzie: For real. And the sub was directly under us [slaps hands together] like this. And they picked it up. Because I thought, well, how did it get through our screen? We were in a complete convoy, and we had carriers, we had destroyers, we had everything. And I thought, How did this guy get through all that? And they tell me what they do is they know where you’re going. They just sit down at the bottom and wait till you get there and just [slapping hands together] pop up. They don’t have to go through any screens. And I said, Oh. Interviewer: Oh. So they know from – Mackenzie: Sure, they know. Yes. They probably knew, with all the spies and all that. But anyway, the admiral asked several questions, and I guess before, he asked them if they had contact with somebody. And they said,”No, sir, we thought we’d wait for the admiral”, and all that. And he said, “Well, you should’ve. Did you contact anybody to tell them what the situation was? How have you tried to contact the sub?” Evidently they have an international language they use. Then of course they used Russian and they used everything, and no response. And so I always was kidding Kari because this was dramatic, you know. I always said, Whooo, thirty seconds from World War III. Well, that’s the way you think of it later, but it’s very true. But the thing that I still remember today is when the admiral walked on the bridge, you get almost like this, your daddy had come home to save you or something. That man had a presence about him. He wasn’t tall in stature. And his name was [RADM H.C.] Bruton. I’m sure he’s gone now. But he walked on that bridge and all of a sudden, you could just—everybody, like, The admiral’s here, we’re going to be all right. You know. And you could feel that. And he asked just a few questions. And the sub, and they were waiting for the reply to come back, Do we take action? Do we take evasive action? Now it’s pretty hard to blow up a submarine when it’s right under you. What do you do, when you think about it? How do you get a sub from under us? But we had submarines with us, too, our subs. And so it came back, they were waiting for the reply to come back, and I thought, My God, this is more serious than I realized. You know, it was kind of like a game until then, you know, it was just wartime conditions. I mean we didn’t think anything about this kind of stuff. And so we knew security was extremely tight. Only certain people could go by us, then go into certain compartments, and I’ll tell you about that in a minute. But anyway, back to the sub. And so it broke away. And you know you say “broke away,” where’d it go? It just broke away. And the admiral, they said—sonar reported or whatever and said, The sub has broken away. They must’ve known how many seconds they had. Later I saw a Tom Clancy movie about that, where they were checking and there were seconds and all, and I said, My golly, I saw the same thing in 1954, except for real, you know. So they said it broke away, and the admiral just calm as could be and he says, Carry on, men, you did a good job. If you need me, call, and he went back and went to bed. And I said [to myself], My gosh, it was almost—it was like nothing to him. He was so in command, just knew what he was doing, asked the right questions, congratulated everybody for the job they did, and went back to bed. Now I’m wide awake. I didn’t sit down anymore for the rest of the night. But I never told any of the guys about it. I just told that guy, one of our fellow Marines, November the tenth. It was the Marine Corps birthday. We all got together here at Dana Point. And I told him the submarine story and he says, “What submarine?” I said, “The submarine”. He said,” Well, I didn’t know anything about any submarine.” And I remembered, I’d thought about it, “Well, why should I worry the guys?” And not only that, if something happened when I was on orderly duty, you don’t pass that around the ship. That’s a confidence between you and the admiral. And so I didn’t pass it on. Interviewer: I have a couple of questions about this. You’re aware in real time, then, that it is a submarine. Mackenzie: Absolutely. Because you’re hearing the conversation. Interviewer: Right. It makes me wonder, as I’m listening to the story, if they had you on duty for all this time, would there have been some knowledge of some kind of danger, that they didn’t let you leave orderly duty? Do you make a connection between the fact that the sub was there and the fact that you had to be on duty for so long? That makes you wonder. Mackenzie: Well, I don’t know. It does, Mary. I never thought about it that way. I don’t think so. I just really think the reason I was left on duty so long is that we were new at our jobs, and they just didn’t realize that when you’re on orderly duty, you’re attached [slapping hands together], you know, at the hip. And not only that, is the admiral doesn’t want to walk out and say, What’s your name? You know, he wants somebody that he can trust and could read him before he says it. I could tell what he wanted. He was looking around and so I call somebody and say, Hey, the skipper’s out of coffee. You better get some in there. See? So you’re his confidant. He’ll say, Well, how are the men thinking? Because he’s some concerned about the morale, or whatever. So you’re his sounding board. Every admiral’s different. Some really use their orderlies. I’ve had admirals when I reported, they’d say, “Well, I’m a little low on cigars, Mackenzie. Why don’t you go down and get me cigars?” Well, I don’t say, ”What kind do you smoke?” So I’d go down and ask the guy to open up the place where you buy the cigars, what’d we call that? Commissary, I think. And they used to question it. And they’d just say, “Well, you sure these are the kind of cigars you smoke, Mackenzie?” And I said, “These are for the skipper.” And he said, “I don’t think so”. And I said, “Really? Why don’t you call and ask him?” [And he’d say], “Oh, OK”. And so that kind of a thing. So, interesting. But anyway, I never did pass that submarine story on to the troops. Interviewer: That’s so interesting. That’s interesting. Mackenzie: And so then, now, as time goes by, Mary, as I watch the History Channel and Discovery Times Channel, all these things are coming back to me. And our main concern was frogmen. We were very afraid of frogmen. And so we figured if they came aboard the ship, how they’d come aboard the ship, what we would do, you know, if one did come on. But I never thought about mines or bombs attached to the ship, and now I think about it. Can you imagine if they could’ve got to our ship, and we had people on their like [J. Robert] Oppenheimer and had all those scientists on there? We had fifty-eight scientists on the ship. We had all the bombs on the ship. I mean what a coup that’d meant for the Russians if our ship accidentally sunk, hit a reef or something, or something went off. You know, you can just see it all right now. It’d be another Cold War incident. Interviewer: But you don’t know that you’re carrying bombs at this point, or do you? Mackenzie: Yes, we did. We knew we were carrying pieces of the bombs. Interviewer: You did. Mackenzie: Yes. Yes. Because security was so tight, it had to be something like that, when only the admiral and two or three people could go in there. And then we timed them, how long they were in, who they were with, they signed in, they signed out. They had a badge with their photograph on it. The badges were made by, at that time, the Atomic Energy Commission [AEC], and they were watermarked with all the same intensity and security as our money. And the admiral would have his picture on there. And I didn’t just look on his shirt. I had to take it off his shirt, which you don’t like to touch an admiral or a captain. It’s just this—you’ve got that—this little [feeling] like, “Hi, God”- that feeling. And you’d take off his badge like that and hold it up right next to his face, make sure you got a really good look at it, and you’d flip it over and check the watermarks, check the number on it. And when I was on, I’d have a check-off list, and his name better be on there. In fact, our own commanding officer forgot to put his name on there and our guys wouldn’t let him in the post. He said, ”What do you mean?” They said, “You’re not on the list, sir.” [And he said], “Well, you know who I am. I’m Captain [James] Brannaman, your commanding officer.” [They] say, “Sir, we been instructed, if your name isn’t on the list, you don’t get on this post”. And the guys loved doing it to him. He wasn’t real happy but. Interviewer: Oh, I’m sure. Who was this captain again? Mackenzie: Captain Brannaman. He’s still alive. Stanford graduate. Super sharp guy. About six-five or so, something like that. Nice man. Interviewer: I’m not well-versed in military things. Is it usual for an admiral to be on the ship? Mackenzie: No. Now the admiral on any operation, the admiral has what he calls his flagship, and he can change his flag when he wants. The Curtiss was an unusual ship, Mary, because it was designed as a seaplane tender, 1939, something like that. It was hit at Pearl Harbor, went all the way through World War II, ended up with seven battle stars. Then after that, the Atomic Energy Commission grabbed it and then converted it for all the testing. So the Marine captain isn’t like a Navy captain. What’s confusing to everybody, and it was to me, too, the captain of the ship, the Navy ship, doesn’t have to be a captain. That’s his job title. OK, and now the Marine captain is a captain and he’s in charge of the Marines. Interviewer: So this is the Marine captain you’re talking about. Mackenzie: The Marine captain, right. Interviewer: Got it. Not the captain of the ship. Mackenzie: Not the ship captain—that’s right. The full transcripts of the two interviews can be found here: Interview with Robert William Mackenzie, January 1, 2005 UNLV Special Collections Portal Interview with G. Nicholas Stuparich, Jr., October 18, 2006 UNLV Special Collections Portal |
2024.06.01 11:03 Electrical-Ad1820 Guide to Willo: Part 1
Willo has recently experienced a boost in its player base. However, this increase isn't up to the standards of one of my mates, who plays Willo excessively. Fair enough, it’s quite frustrating when you manage to save Willo, and the person you give her to is running Scorn and dies before their Deadzone expires. So, he's convinced me to help him make this and post it here. This will be divided into multiple parts because reading long posts is daunting, and writing them is even worse.
Willo’s capabilities will be spread across some arbitrary stats that mean nothing outside of the context of Willo. Still, they do help convey something in a future post about her talents; for now, they function as a baseline, a “default” Willo.
https://preview.redd.it/krmr1bi6ex3d1.jpg?width=2048&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9a6e2cd7ba7c2d0a9461dc72656766439188946e
Damage
Willo’s damage is rather low, with her primary fire doing 500 damage per shot every 0.75 seconds, with a DPS of 666.6666 (ad nauseam). Her most impressive damage comes from Seedlings*, with a total of 2000 damage. Her Deadzone outright does only 100 damage, so Willo is quite lacking
*Seedlings are both subject to fall-off, and their fuse time is 2 seconds once they land, giving anyone nearby plenty of time to evade the damage. However, this damage is more than consistent, considering the explosive radius (at 14 units in diameter) is only beaten by Ash’s burst cannon (17 units) and Dredge’s howitzer (15 units).
Sustain Willo’s sustain for the damage role is rather middling, as it’s mostly made up of her mobility and glide, which does provide her a step up compared to the likes of Vivian and Viktor, whose mobility is either non-existent and forces them to rely on other parts of their kit, or prevents the use of their offensive capabilities. However, this doesn’t make up for her frailty, which combines with her poor damage to make engaging in duels rather painful. The only benefit is that you are a slightly smaller size than Willo.
Mobility
As previously mentioned, Willo’s mobility is rather impressive compared to most of the cast, which I guess is a common trend among the blasters now, except Dredge*. This is because of Willo’s Flutter and Glide, giving Willo immense mobility. *Yes, Crow’s Nest exists.
Area Denial
I believe that of the strengths Willo has, her ability to deny space and punish people for trying to push a locked down area is unrivalled. Short of an Omen ult and its crushing levels of damage, no one is outcompeting Willo regarding area denial, even Broadsides have plenty of counterplay, this is because of the potent tool that is Deadzone. While outright it’s not going to kill someone once it's placed, it's also not going to be destroyed or otherwise stopped, the consistent damage that Willo outputs within its radius, combined with seedlings and any support from her team, makes Willo's area denial unrivaled.
Utility
Willo’s utility is pretty good for a Damage Champion, the ability to stop healing outright, is impressive. The provided area denial makes it so Willo is no slouch in terms of utility for her team. However, like most of the damage role, she lacks hard Crowd Control, and more damningly and unique for her, she lacks power against shields and most deployables mean she has to invest in the likes of Wrecker to keep up her suppressive damage and have some value outside of her deadzone.
Stats
Class: Damage (gains 100% more credits for dealing damage)
Starting Health: 2200 Base Movement Speed: 375 or 23.08 units per second
Movement Type: Standard (she has no slow fall, momentum, or otherwise unusual modifiers to her walk)
Willo’s glide has a few attributes:
Unlike Androxus’s Drift, Willo’s Flutter is not affected by her movement speed, except for when changing direction, which instead acts similarly to Buck’s jump in that her air control is near flawless and speed is only reduced by trying to push against where your momentum is pushing you. This introduces the first real part of the Glide: because of how the Glide works on momentum, with your foot speed only modifying direction, this means that if you wish to go back where you started as Willo while gliding without slowing down, you’ll need to do a drift (not to be confused with Androxus’ passive “Drift”). You’ll find this easier on a gamepad/controller since your inputs are on a 360-degree plane. Still, on a keyboard, you’ll be able to control your trajectory regardless of Glide.
You can make sharper turns left or right without delay; however, this does sacrifice some speed based on the mathematics of momentum.
W
Step #2) Then diagonally with either strafe keys (we’ll go to the right), you’ll want to hold this until you begin to turn before
WD
Step #3) Then just strafing until you stop going forward altogether. D
Step #4) Start using your back key to begin the transfer backward. You want to hold this slightly longer to make sure you’re beginning to properly turn since normally backpedalling is slower.
DS
Step #5) You’ll want to stop strafing and lean back.
S
Willo can maintain her momentum by hitting herself with her primary attack, where she sacrifices her health and ammo to maintain her low-flying airtime and momentum, giving her the ability to roll out. That also combines well with certain high-ground positions to preserve Flutter for future use; as well, as carry and even enhance the momentum provided by Flutter. This again comes at the risk of leaving yourself more vulnerable in combat since you’re at lower health and less Ammo.
You can also skip most of this if you don’t care about facing the same direction, by using your mouse or the stick you aim with in conjunction with your forward and strafe inputs to get similar results, with less work though you are lacking the ability to face the same direction.
I mentioned earlier that the Glide has momentum both horizontally and vertically, and that can be quite the detriment since unlike Andro who’s a flat fall rate, and Drogoz which has an upward lifting force Glide has neither so if you start falling you’re not likely to slow down your descent, which makes the passive rather committal.
Stats of Wand of Overgrowth
There are three main thought processes with Deadzone use cases you want to stop people from going somewhere
1)Area Denial
For the most part, your enemies don’t want to stand in the spot where they can’t get healed and likely these spots can be certain chokepoints, flank routes, or even the point
2)Crowd Control
Very similar to area denial though more proactive, this is aiming to where the people are, often in groups but also at points you want people to leave, this is usually done in conjunction with your Primary attack.
Deadzone has an incredibly long cooldown of 16 seconds to balance out its impressive power, especially in the damage role only outdone by Drogoz’s Salvo (20 seconds) and Octavia’s Distortion Field (18 seconds) so one has to be judicious with how they choose to utilize Deadzone, often its more important to prioritize the Area Denial, and Crowd control aspects over the Value that might be found in heal denial, especially since in her base kit Willo isn’t the greatest at confirming these kills herself and without coordination might not be possible to otherwise confirm the kills making the use of deadzone in these situations potentially wasteful.
Oh, like most channeled movement abilities Willo is immune to knockbacks during the time.
submitted by Electrical-Ad1820 to Paladins [link] [comments]
Willo Overview
Willo is a damage champion who excels at crowd suppression, area denial, point control, and healing denial. This might seem like a lot, but much of it combines how one will engage with Willo’s kit, which is more or less built around controlling the capabilities of the enemy support and point tank. Most backline/hybrid-agro DPS do this via suppressive levels of damage output. However, Willo’s damage is shallow, but unlike her peers (specifically Betty), she can shut down healing numbers altogether via Deadzone, which I will specifically talk about when I get to that part of Willo’s kit.Willo’s capabilities will be spread across some arbitrary stats that mean nothing outside of the context of Willo. Still, they do help convey something in a future post about her talents; for now, they function as a baseline, a “default” Willo.
https://preview.redd.it/krmr1bi6ex3d1.jpg?width=2048&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9a6e2cd7ba7c2d0a9461dc72656766439188946e
Damage
Willo’s damage is rather low, with her primary fire doing 500 damage per shot every 0.75 seconds, with a DPS of 666.6666 (ad nauseam). Her most impressive damage comes from Seedlings*, with a total of 2000 damage. Her Deadzone outright does only 100 damage, so Willo is quite lacking
*Seedlings are both subject to fall-off, and their fuse time is 2 seconds once they land, giving anyone nearby plenty of time to evade the damage. However, this damage is more than consistent, considering the explosive radius (at 14 units in diameter) is only beaten by Ash’s burst cannon (17 units) and Dredge’s howitzer (15 units).
Sustain Willo’s sustain for the damage role is rather middling, as it’s mostly made up of her mobility and glide, which does provide her a step up compared to the likes of Vivian and Viktor, whose mobility is either non-existent and forces them to rely on other parts of their kit, or prevents the use of their offensive capabilities. However, this doesn’t make up for her frailty, which combines with her poor damage to make engaging in duels rather painful. The only benefit is that you are a slightly smaller size than Willo.
Mobility
As previously mentioned, Willo’s mobility is rather impressive compared to most of the cast, which I guess is a common trend among the blasters now, except Dredge*. This is because of Willo’s Flutter and Glide, giving Willo immense mobility. *Yes, Crow’s Nest exists.
Area Denial
I believe that of the strengths Willo has, her ability to deny space and punish people for trying to push a locked down area is unrivalled. Short of an Omen ult and its crushing levels of damage, no one is outcompeting Willo regarding area denial, even Broadsides have plenty of counterplay, this is because of the potent tool that is Deadzone. While outright it’s not going to kill someone once it's placed, it's also not going to be destroyed or otherwise stopped, the consistent damage that Willo outputs within its radius, combined with seedlings and any support from her team, makes Willo's area denial unrivaled.
Utility
Willo’s utility is pretty good for a Damage Champion, the ability to stop healing outright, is impressive. The provided area denial makes it so Willo is no slouch in terms of utility for her team. However, like most of the damage role, she lacks hard Crowd Control, and more damningly and unique for her, she lacks power against shields and most deployables mean she has to invest in the likes of Wrecker to keep up her suppressive damage and have some value outside of her deadzone.
Willo’s Kit
Now onto the less arbitrary and made up stats, and to the more tangible: Willo’s actual kit. I will explain what the abilities do with the maximum level of depth possible and how best to use them, or I will add other comments. I intend to first mention the parts of Willo’s kit that I feel are most important to explain in depth.Stats
Class: Damage (gains 100% more credits for dealing damage)
Starting Health: 2200 Base Movement Speed: 375 or 23.08 units per second
Movement Type: Standard (she has no slow fall, momentum, or otherwise unusual modifiers to her walk)
Passive: Glide
Willo has a glide, which I feel shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone who’s played with/against/as Willo, since the feel of the champion has changed dramatically because of the change.Willo’s glide has a few attributes:
- The Glide is affected by the “Per Champion Special” toggle, which activates the glide without inputting the jump command.
- Glide is affected by Cripple (but as of now not by Silence).
- Glide is unique compared to Androxus’ “Drift” in that it’s affected by momentum both vertically and horizontally, whereas Androxus only suffers from horizontal momentum and can easily regain control.
- Willo loses a lot of her air control if hit by most forms of hard knockback (AoE damage from blasters like Drogoz’s or Ash’s primary fires does not apply this effect, while Combustible Fire Spit (Drogoz), or Kinetic Burst and Shoulder Bash (Ash) does).
- Willo can affect Glide’s momentum via self-damage from her primary, as well as her movement ability, Flutter.
Unlike Androxus’s Drift, Willo’s Flutter is not affected by her movement speed, except for when changing direction, which instead acts similarly to Buck’s jump in that her air control is near flawless and speed is only reduced by trying to push against where your momentum is pushing you. This introduces the first real part of the Glide: because of how the Glide works on momentum, with your foot speed only modifying direction, this means that if you wish to go back where you started as Willo while gliding without slowing down, you’ll need to do a drift (not to be confused with Androxus’ passive “Drift”). You’ll find this easier on a gamepad/controller since your inputs are on a 360-degree plane. Still, on a keyboard, you’ll be able to control your trajectory regardless of Glide.
You can make sharper turns left or right without delay; however, this does sacrifice some speed based on the mathematics of momentum.
These instructions assume you’re on a keyboard going forward and want to do a 180 and use the standard WASD control scheme.
Step #1) You’ll want to start leaning forward just for a split second before step 2.W
Step #2) Then diagonally with either strafe keys (we’ll go to the right), you’ll want to hold this until you begin to turn before
WD
Step #3) Then just strafing until you stop going forward altogether. D
Step #4) Start using your back key to begin the transfer backward. You want to hold this slightly longer to make sure you’re beginning to properly turn since normally backpedalling is slower.
DS
Step #5) You’ll want to stop strafing and lean back.
S
These instructions assume you’re on a gamepad/controller and are going forward and want to do a 180.
You’ll want to do a half-circle motion with a gamepad or controller. Once halfway through said motion, you’ll want to make the rest of the turn slower since the foot speed of all champions is slightly slower backward compared to going forward.Willo can maintain her momentum by hitting herself with her primary attack, where she sacrifices her health and ammo to maintain her low-flying airtime and momentum, giving her the ability to roll out. That also combines well with certain high-ground positions to preserve Flutter for future use; as well, as carry and even enhance the momentum provided by Flutter. This again comes at the risk of leaving yourself more vulnerable in combat since you’re at lower health and less Ammo.
You can also skip most of this if you don’t care about facing the same direction, by using your mouse or the stick you aim with in conjunction with your forward and strafe inputs to get similar results, with less work though you are lacking the ability to face the same direction.
I mentioned earlier that the Glide has momentum both horizontally and vertically, and that can be quite the detriment since unlike Andro who’s a flat fall rate, and Drogoz which has an upward lifting force Glide has neither so if you start falling you’re not likely to slow down your descent, which makes the passive rather committal.
Primary Fire
“Wand of Overgrowth” (from here shall be generally referred to as WoO or simply primary fire) is a relatively larger but also relatively weaker AoE attack, compared to Drogoz’s Rocket Launcher and Evie’s Ice staff, in return for the weaker per shot damage, WoO is slightly faster, the firing speed more comparable to Dredge’s Howitzer and Bomb King’s Sticky Bombs.Stats of Wand of Overgrowth
- Does a maximum of 500 damage, on direct or within max damage range
- The AoE of WoO is a 14-unit radius.
- The Full Effective range is a 1-unit radius.
- Has a damage reduction based on the distance from the centre of the blast radius with a max damage reduction of 70% (or 125 damage)
- Willo’s primary travels 300 units per second
- Deal self-damage to yourself within a radius with a minimum of 30 damage to a max of 100.
- A max range of 500 units (at which point the projectile disappears)
Deadzone
Deadzone is Willo’s key ability, and most potent tool, which is kind of odd, considering that I thought to talk about her Glide and Primary first, and that’s because for the most part deadzone works like how you’d expect, there’s very little that’s too surprising about how it works, I guess anything that would make it surprising just makes it easier to use at full effect, nothing too crazy. Still, it’s incredibly powerful and it’s the reason why Willo’s area denial is so good, since the threat it has is deceptively lethal, and it
- Deadzone has a radius of 25 units.
- At base, The Deadzone zone lasts for 5 seconds.
- The effect of deadzone lasts for 1 second.
- Deadzone has no falloff.
- Deadzone is a sphere, any entering of said sphere applies to the deadzone.
- Deadzone relies on a line of sight to the centre
- It stops healing altogether, compared to reducing it by a certain percentage, since unlike Tyra’s Burn Monster talent, deadzone sets the healing to Zero.
There are three main thought processes with Deadzone use cases you want to stop people from going somewhere
1)Area Denial
For the most part, your enemies don’t want to stand in the spot where they can’t get healed and likely these spots can be certain chokepoints, flank routes, or even the point
2)Crowd Control
Very similar to area denial though more proactive, this is aiming to where the people are, often in groups but also at points you want people to leave, this is usually done in conjunction with your Primary attack.
3)Heal DenialSometimes you want to ensure someone is dead, and that you want to stop their team -short of a Rei Rivivify- from changing that, this is especially good against Ying, and Grover’s ultimates as the duration after can lead to them getting killed even if they leave the zone.
Deadzone has an incredibly long cooldown of 16 seconds to balance out its impressive power, especially in the damage role only outdone by Drogoz’s Salvo (20 seconds) and Octavia’s Distortion Field (18 seconds) so one has to be judicious with how they choose to utilize Deadzone, often its more important to prioritize the Area Denial, and Crowd control aspects over the Value that might be found in heal denial, especially since in her base kit Willo isn’t the greatest at confirming these kills herself and without coordination might not be possible to otherwise confirm the kills making the use of deadzone in these situations potentially wasteful.
Flutter
Flutter more or less combines with the Glide otherwise acts as how you’d expect it to, with the small quirk that depending on how you angle it you keep some momentum once the ability is done done, with the further you aim up the less momentum and the more downwards you aim the more momentum you gain, though this momentum is best utilized with Glide at a somewhat forward facing angle up or down depending on if you need verticality or horizontal clearance, however, it comes with a need for one’s best judgement.Oh, like most channeled movement abilities Willo is immune to knockbacks during the time.
Fae Flight
Fae Flight is more or less what you’d know from playing the game and seeing it at work or reading its description though some use cases aren’t immediately clear.- Fae Flight has a channel time of 1.6 seconds.
- If killed while channeling the charge will not be used.
- You receive a speed boost when channeling your ultimate.
- You are CC during all phases of the ultimate including the channeling time.
- Refills your ammo.
Conlcusion
Overall Willo in the base kit is frail to being dived, and her DPS isn’t all that impressive but has some of the most lethal area denials in the game, however, as many of you are quite aware Willo has plenty more in store to make up soon I’ll be posting follow ups guides to further aid those interesting in learning Willo in more depth.2024.06.01 11:02 Serious-Sprinkles113 I (33M) can't let go off my gf (33F). Need advice.
I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend since past 4 years. She is trying to leave me now but I don't want her to go.
I am hardworking individual and come from a lower middle class background.I belong to scheduled caste. I have strong educational background. I'm below average in looks. I come from a different state than my girlfriend.
My gf on the other is an upper caste sikh and comes from upper middle class background. She is a very kind and generous lady. She has an illness due to which she has developed limited mobililty. Lookswise she is a very pretty girl. I am in awe of her beauty, mind, thoughts, strength, literally everything.
Backstory: We met online in November 2019. We became good friends. When first wave of COVID happened I lost my business and was left with no money as all the profits we used to put in business since we had just started it. I was jobless, away from home living in a rented place and with no money. As friend she came out to help me and supported me financially. She was preparing for upsc at that time and inspired by her I too thought of preparing for it.
She guided me in the whole preparation journey. I naturally began to get drawn to her. She was hesitant in the beginning. She always said that if we did get into relationship her family would never agree to this relationship. Eventually she got into relationship with me because she said she liked my hardworking attitude and the spirit of going head on in the face of adversity.
In past few years she was also having a hard time because of her family. She used to vent out all her frustration and telling me how she lack of support from her family and her health is deteriorating because her family cannot understand her needs. I was her confidant in whom she confided her loneliness.
She also started getting frustrated with me since 2022 saying that she is tired of waiting for me and that she doesn't know when will I get job. I used to calm her down and tell her to please have patience which she did. She started to tell me that she is thinking of getting married as she doesn't think there's future with you but I used to make her stay everytime.
Now in 2024 I got a job in a powerful position in my home state. My girlfriend is saying all the wait over the years have left her empty of emotions and lack of love. we both are working now but in different states and she is also scared that she will have to quit her job to settle down with me which I am ok with but she is not.
Last night I asked her what led her to have a change of heart and change her feelings for me and she answered saying a jaun Elia shayar "woh baatein kha gyi mujhko Jo baatein pi gya tha mai". It made me shattered.
Is there any way to make my gf rekindle her emotions. I am very fond of her. I just cannot let her go. If she breakups with me, my life will be totally lost. All I am is because of her. She is my guiding light, my angel, my friend, philosopher and guide.
Please anyone tell how can I have her back. I really want to marry her. I have thought of my whole life with her. I want to take care of her, love her, have a family with her. I know I have made her wait for too long but it wasn't in my hands to do anything for her in my jobless time.
Just tell me what is the right thing to do whether to let her go or pursue her and change her mind.
submitted by Serious-Sprinkles113 to AskIndia [link] [comments]
I am hardworking individual and come from a lower middle class background.I belong to scheduled caste. I have strong educational background. I'm below average in looks. I come from a different state than my girlfriend.
My gf on the other is an upper caste sikh and comes from upper middle class background. She is a very kind and generous lady. She has an illness due to which she has developed limited mobililty. Lookswise she is a very pretty girl. I am in awe of her beauty, mind, thoughts, strength, literally everything.
Backstory: We met online in November 2019. We became good friends. When first wave of COVID happened I lost my business and was left with no money as all the profits we used to put in business since we had just started it. I was jobless, away from home living in a rented place and with no money. As friend she came out to help me and supported me financially. She was preparing for upsc at that time and inspired by her I too thought of preparing for it.
She guided me in the whole preparation journey. I naturally began to get drawn to her. She was hesitant in the beginning. She always said that if we did get into relationship her family would never agree to this relationship. Eventually she got into relationship with me because she said she liked my hardworking attitude and the spirit of going head on in the face of adversity.
In past few years she was also having a hard time because of her family. She used to vent out all her frustration and telling me how she lack of support from her family and her health is deteriorating because her family cannot understand her needs. I was her confidant in whom she confided her loneliness.
She also started getting frustrated with me since 2022 saying that she is tired of waiting for me and that she doesn't know when will I get job. I used to calm her down and tell her to please have patience which she did. She started to tell me that she is thinking of getting married as she doesn't think there's future with you but I used to make her stay everytime.
Now in 2024 I got a job in a powerful position in my home state. My girlfriend is saying all the wait over the years have left her empty of emotions and lack of love. we both are working now but in different states and she is also scared that she will have to quit her job to settle down with me which I am ok with but she is not.
Last night I asked her what led her to have a change of heart and change her feelings for me and she answered saying a jaun Elia shayar "woh baatein kha gyi mujhko Jo baatein pi gya tha mai". It made me shattered.
Is there any way to make my gf rekindle her emotions. I am very fond of her. I just cannot let her go. If she breakups with me, my life will be totally lost. All I am is because of her. She is my guiding light, my angel, my friend, philosopher and guide.
Please anyone tell how can I have her back. I really want to marry her. I have thought of my whole life with her. I want to take care of her, love her, have a family with her. I know I have made her wait for too long but it wasn't in my hands to do anything for her in my jobless time.
Just tell me what is the right thing to do whether to let her go or pursue her and change her mind.
2024.06.01 10:55 FistToYourDoom My (23m) Wife (21f) wants to leave me, how can I fix this?
I've come here to see if I can get more perspective to save my marriage. My wife and I are high school sweethearts, and we've been together for about six years now. There's a few major issues she's having, and it finally reached a breaking point about two days ago. She's to the point where she's asked for a divorce, but I begged her to let me try to fix the problems. She's asked me to leave and give her time to think in the meantime.
For a little more context, we're both from NY, and we're two years apart as seen above. When we got together I was wrapping up my senior year of HS and getting ready to head to college, and she was heading into her junior year. For the first two years of the relationship, we were practically long distance. She couldn't be open about being with me because of her home life, but at that point we loved each other already, and we made it work. We both struggled in our childhoods, and have our own mental health struggles, which has led to both of us having major communication issues. Back then it was much worse on both sides, but over time we tried to learn to be better about it. She has definitely grown more than I have in that department, which I didn't realize the true extent of until everything spiraled.
I dropped out of college just before covid started, while she was still in her senior year of high school. I spiraled into a deep depression, but she didn't really see the full extend of it since we spent so little time together still. When we were together, I was so happy to be spending time with her it was like everything was ok. This still put a lot of strain on our relationship, but we loved each other, so it felt like we just powered through. I didn't ask for help like I should have, both from her and from my family. I've always had a very hard time admitting I have issues, and I hurt the people I care about by doing it. I spent the first half of the year like this, until I got a steady job, and the stability helped level me back out. At the end of the year, I convinced her to move out of her parents house for the sake of her mental health. I picked her up and brought her to her best friends house, and she bounced around places to stay for the next couple of months.
She's the hardest working person I've ever met, so she was hitching rides to a restaurant to work while still finishing up her first semester of college. I did what I could to try to support her, but staying with my parents, I couldn't just invite her in to stay. During this time, she reconnected with her family that she had been forced to cut contact with by her mother. This aunt and uncle acted as her mother and father figure growing up, and their daughters are like her sisters. They're both grown up and moved out of the house, so her parents were empty nesters. That is, until they invited us to come stay with them. On a whim, we decided we would move across the country with them to get away from the trauma of the past, and give ourselves an opportunity for a fresh start.
When we first moved, I was having a very hard time. It was the first time I'd been so far from home, about 22-26 hours, and we were both having a hard time finding jobs. It got to the point where I sprialed into another depression. I know it was wrong, but I practically gave up on finding a job, while she got one working for Walgreens. I didn't do much of anything, I was lazy and didn't help around the house. It wasn't expected of me, but it bothered her a lot that I was just taking and taking. It wasn't fair of me to any of them to not try to better our situation, and it definitely put more strain on our relationship than I should have allowed. She was very stressed about getting money together so we didn't have to rely on their help, and I just didn't care like I should have. A few months later, she got me a job at another Walgreens store. I only lasted ~5 months, but I transitioned into my first sales job a few weeks after I quit. This helped us move into our first apartment, but as it was throughout the whole relationship, she was the one who had saved up enough for us to actually do it.
I wouldn't say we ever fight, but we had our first big emotional discussion since we had moved south on our way home from Christmas with her sister in 21. I didn't want to admit it at the time, but I was having a very hard time spending the holidays without my family. I didn't think anything of it, but I was talking down to her basically the whole week we were there. Her family all commented on it to her, and told her she deserved better, which I know she does. We cried so much on that drive home, but she put it all out on the table, and I told her I would be more mindful of how I spoke to her. I never meant to hurt her, but that doesn't excuse the way I was acting. I thought I had gotten better about it, but she told me I still do it to her, and I make her feel like she's lesser than me, even though she's always been the driven one and the provider in our relationship.
Fast forward to this spring year. We haven't had any huge issues since the one I just mentioned, and we've taken big steps in our life. We spent a year in an apartment, and then we bought our first home together just over a year ago. I jumped into the car business from my year in sales at att, and I had gone from earning double what I made at att in 23, to making next to nothing this year. I hit my breaking point, and I quit my job. I thought I could take a week off and collect myself, but being out of a routine spiraled me into a deep depression. This was the worst I've ever been mentally while we've lived together. This put all the burden on her shoulders, both financially and emotionally. She tried her heart out to help me, but I just couldn't admit that something was wrong, the same problem I've had time and time again. This is where she hit her breaking point with me. In her words, she felt helpless seeing me like that, and she grew to resent me for what I put her through and what I was doing. I did remote work for about a week, but I hated it so much it was drastically effecting me. She told me not to worry about it and just quit, but this put more burden back on her shoulders. She had to go back to worrying about me, and me being more depressed. It lasted about a month from me leaving my first car dealership, to me starting at the one I'm currently at.
Now, to where the bomb went off. She spent 2-3 weeks being incredibly distant, and she wouldn't really talk to me. She would make little excuses about not wanting to talk or touch me, and it really started to bother me. But, I was stupid, and I tried to give her space. I finally snapped on Wednesday night, and said she was acting like she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. That was because it was true. She had talked to a therapist, and she said that my wife had disconnected herself from the relationship completely when the resentment grew. All the little things I do wrong became more clear to her. I thought I had gotten better about the way I speak to her, but I still make her feel like less than me, even though she has fought so hard to support us. I don't pull enough weight around the house, even though I felt like I was putting more effort in. I couldn't handle her telling me she thought we should get a divorce, so I got up and said I was going for a drive to calm down. She was terrified I would hurt myself, she still loves me despite everything I've put her through. I got home about an hour later to her pacing outside. We went to sleep in separate rooms that night because I couldn't stop thinking about how awful I felt while I was laying next to her.
The next morning we had a much longer conversation. We both cried and cried, but she told me she thinks we want different things for our future. She wants to bust her ass to be the best at whatever she ends up doing with her college degree, but she feels I'm just coasting. I've been trying to change careers for about six months now, but I've had no real luck outside of finding opportunities at other dealerships. She said she wants kids, which we had agreed for a long time we did not want. We have five dogs, and I got a vasectomy a year and a half ago. I told her I think we should talk to someone about why I don't want kids, I think something snapped in me growing up that changed my mind on the idea. She said it wasn't her problem to figure out why I don't want kids. I begged her to try couples therapy with me, but she said I should have listened to her saying it sooner. I've always had such a hard time opening up to anyone, and the same happened when I tried therapy on my own. I thought it was a waste of time then because of it, and I told her I thought it would just end up the same again. I know that doesn't make it right, but it just hurts so much hearing her saying it like that.
I've had two mental breakdowns over the course of these last few days. The first was on Thursday, while she was asleep. I shaved my head, when I've openly told her several times I hate having my head shaved. I think I did it so I could feel like I was in control of something going wrong in my life, even though it was just a stupid thing to do.she walked in to me sitting on the floor in the bathroom like this, and I ended up crying hysterically in her arms. I just can't believe she wants to leave me when we love each other so much, which she still confirms despite all the things she's said. In that moment, it completely broke me. She was so scared she made me go to the hospital, making her relive past trauma. It wasn't fair for me to put hwr through that, but I completely lost control. By the time I saw a doctor, I had collected myself. I told them what happened, but everything was fine now. I don't know why I thought lying like that would help, but it got me out of the hospital I so desperately didn't want to be in. She dropped me off at home, but she immediately had to head to work. I turned my phone off to ignore all the concerned calls and texts from my family and went to sleep.
I woke up at 4:30 that morning, and I couldn't handle what I was processing from the days before. I got up to get something to drink, but I really just ended up sitting blank faced on the kitchen floor. I bashed my head off one of the cabinets, like I used to do when I was a frustrated child. It woke her up, and she came out to see if I was ok. I had another breakdown when she came out. I told her I was sorry for trying to hurt myself, but it hurt that I did it when I told her I wouldn't. I was able to collect myself this time, but the damage was done. I went to therapy that afternoon, and it honestly helped me a lot when I was able to tell the therapist what had happened. I talked to my wife afterwards, and she said she was proud of me for being able to open up like that for the first time.
Originally we were going to spend the night apart so she could have more time to think, but she changed her mind after my therapy went well. We had another long talk, and she had decided she wants to end things. She wants to be treated better, she wants someone that has more desires for the future, and she doesn't think I could be the father of her children. I'm fighting so God damn hard to get on the path to bettering myself and our relationship, but she's convinced it's too late. I talked her out of divorcing yet, but she wants time to think more about it. She wants me to move back in with my family and show her I'm serious about bettering myself. I'm worried that if I leave, I'll be putting the nail in the coffin. She's the love of my life, how do I save this?
Upon finishing this, I've realized it's way longer than I intended it to be, and it took me an hour and a half to dump all this. If anyone actually reads all this, thank you. I'm sorry if my grammar was awful, I started typing this again 2:30am because I woke up and I couldn't sleep thinking about this.
submitted by FistToYourDoom to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
For a little more context, we're both from NY, and we're two years apart as seen above. When we got together I was wrapping up my senior year of HS and getting ready to head to college, and she was heading into her junior year. For the first two years of the relationship, we were practically long distance. She couldn't be open about being with me because of her home life, but at that point we loved each other already, and we made it work. We both struggled in our childhoods, and have our own mental health struggles, which has led to both of us having major communication issues. Back then it was much worse on both sides, but over time we tried to learn to be better about it. She has definitely grown more than I have in that department, which I didn't realize the true extent of until everything spiraled.
I dropped out of college just before covid started, while she was still in her senior year of high school. I spiraled into a deep depression, but she didn't really see the full extend of it since we spent so little time together still. When we were together, I was so happy to be spending time with her it was like everything was ok. This still put a lot of strain on our relationship, but we loved each other, so it felt like we just powered through. I didn't ask for help like I should have, both from her and from my family. I've always had a very hard time admitting I have issues, and I hurt the people I care about by doing it. I spent the first half of the year like this, until I got a steady job, and the stability helped level me back out. At the end of the year, I convinced her to move out of her parents house for the sake of her mental health. I picked her up and brought her to her best friends house, and she bounced around places to stay for the next couple of months.
She's the hardest working person I've ever met, so she was hitching rides to a restaurant to work while still finishing up her first semester of college. I did what I could to try to support her, but staying with my parents, I couldn't just invite her in to stay. During this time, she reconnected with her family that she had been forced to cut contact with by her mother. This aunt and uncle acted as her mother and father figure growing up, and their daughters are like her sisters. They're both grown up and moved out of the house, so her parents were empty nesters. That is, until they invited us to come stay with them. On a whim, we decided we would move across the country with them to get away from the trauma of the past, and give ourselves an opportunity for a fresh start.
When we first moved, I was having a very hard time. It was the first time I'd been so far from home, about 22-26 hours, and we were both having a hard time finding jobs. It got to the point where I sprialed into another depression. I know it was wrong, but I practically gave up on finding a job, while she got one working for Walgreens. I didn't do much of anything, I was lazy and didn't help around the house. It wasn't expected of me, but it bothered her a lot that I was just taking and taking. It wasn't fair of me to any of them to not try to better our situation, and it definitely put more strain on our relationship than I should have allowed. She was very stressed about getting money together so we didn't have to rely on their help, and I just didn't care like I should have. A few months later, she got me a job at another Walgreens store. I only lasted ~5 months, but I transitioned into my first sales job a few weeks after I quit. This helped us move into our first apartment, but as it was throughout the whole relationship, she was the one who had saved up enough for us to actually do it.
I wouldn't say we ever fight, but we had our first big emotional discussion since we had moved south on our way home from Christmas with her sister in 21. I didn't want to admit it at the time, but I was having a very hard time spending the holidays without my family. I didn't think anything of it, but I was talking down to her basically the whole week we were there. Her family all commented on it to her, and told her she deserved better, which I know she does. We cried so much on that drive home, but she put it all out on the table, and I told her I would be more mindful of how I spoke to her. I never meant to hurt her, but that doesn't excuse the way I was acting. I thought I had gotten better about it, but she told me I still do it to her, and I make her feel like she's lesser than me, even though she's always been the driven one and the provider in our relationship.
Fast forward to this spring year. We haven't had any huge issues since the one I just mentioned, and we've taken big steps in our life. We spent a year in an apartment, and then we bought our first home together just over a year ago. I jumped into the car business from my year in sales at att, and I had gone from earning double what I made at att in 23, to making next to nothing this year. I hit my breaking point, and I quit my job. I thought I could take a week off and collect myself, but being out of a routine spiraled me into a deep depression. This was the worst I've ever been mentally while we've lived together. This put all the burden on her shoulders, both financially and emotionally. She tried her heart out to help me, but I just couldn't admit that something was wrong, the same problem I've had time and time again. This is where she hit her breaking point with me. In her words, she felt helpless seeing me like that, and she grew to resent me for what I put her through and what I was doing. I did remote work for about a week, but I hated it so much it was drastically effecting me. She told me not to worry about it and just quit, but this put more burden back on her shoulders. She had to go back to worrying about me, and me being more depressed. It lasted about a month from me leaving my first car dealership, to me starting at the one I'm currently at.
Now, to where the bomb went off. She spent 2-3 weeks being incredibly distant, and she wouldn't really talk to me. She would make little excuses about not wanting to talk or touch me, and it really started to bother me. But, I was stupid, and I tried to give her space. I finally snapped on Wednesday night, and said she was acting like she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. That was because it was true. She had talked to a therapist, and she said that my wife had disconnected herself from the relationship completely when the resentment grew. All the little things I do wrong became more clear to her. I thought I had gotten better about the way I speak to her, but I still make her feel like less than me, even though she has fought so hard to support us. I don't pull enough weight around the house, even though I felt like I was putting more effort in. I couldn't handle her telling me she thought we should get a divorce, so I got up and said I was going for a drive to calm down. She was terrified I would hurt myself, she still loves me despite everything I've put her through. I got home about an hour later to her pacing outside. We went to sleep in separate rooms that night because I couldn't stop thinking about how awful I felt while I was laying next to her.
The next morning we had a much longer conversation. We both cried and cried, but she told me she thinks we want different things for our future. She wants to bust her ass to be the best at whatever she ends up doing with her college degree, but she feels I'm just coasting. I've been trying to change careers for about six months now, but I've had no real luck outside of finding opportunities at other dealerships. She said she wants kids, which we had agreed for a long time we did not want. We have five dogs, and I got a vasectomy a year and a half ago. I told her I think we should talk to someone about why I don't want kids, I think something snapped in me growing up that changed my mind on the idea. She said it wasn't her problem to figure out why I don't want kids. I begged her to try couples therapy with me, but she said I should have listened to her saying it sooner. I've always had such a hard time opening up to anyone, and the same happened when I tried therapy on my own. I thought it was a waste of time then because of it, and I told her I thought it would just end up the same again. I know that doesn't make it right, but it just hurts so much hearing her saying it like that.
I've had two mental breakdowns over the course of these last few days. The first was on Thursday, while she was asleep. I shaved my head, when I've openly told her several times I hate having my head shaved. I think I did it so I could feel like I was in control of something going wrong in my life, even though it was just a stupid thing to do.she walked in to me sitting on the floor in the bathroom like this, and I ended up crying hysterically in her arms. I just can't believe she wants to leave me when we love each other so much, which she still confirms despite all the things she's said. In that moment, it completely broke me. She was so scared she made me go to the hospital, making her relive past trauma. It wasn't fair for me to put hwr through that, but I completely lost control. By the time I saw a doctor, I had collected myself. I told them what happened, but everything was fine now. I don't know why I thought lying like that would help, but it got me out of the hospital I so desperately didn't want to be in. She dropped me off at home, but she immediately had to head to work. I turned my phone off to ignore all the concerned calls and texts from my family and went to sleep.
I woke up at 4:30 that morning, and I couldn't handle what I was processing from the days before. I got up to get something to drink, but I really just ended up sitting blank faced on the kitchen floor. I bashed my head off one of the cabinets, like I used to do when I was a frustrated child. It woke her up, and she came out to see if I was ok. I had another breakdown when she came out. I told her I was sorry for trying to hurt myself, but it hurt that I did it when I told her I wouldn't. I was able to collect myself this time, but the damage was done. I went to therapy that afternoon, and it honestly helped me a lot when I was able to tell the therapist what had happened. I talked to my wife afterwards, and she said she was proud of me for being able to open up like that for the first time.
Originally we were going to spend the night apart so she could have more time to think, but she changed her mind after my therapy went well. We had another long talk, and she had decided she wants to end things. She wants to be treated better, she wants someone that has more desires for the future, and she doesn't think I could be the father of her children. I'm fighting so God damn hard to get on the path to bettering myself and our relationship, but she's convinced it's too late. I talked her out of divorcing yet, but she wants time to think more about it. She wants me to move back in with my family and show her I'm serious about bettering myself. I'm worried that if I leave, I'll be putting the nail in the coffin. She's the love of my life, how do I save this?
Upon finishing this, I've realized it's way longer than I intended it to be, and it took me an hour and a half to dump all this. If anyone actually reads all this, thank you. I'm sorry if my grammar was awful, I started typing this again 2:30am because I woke up and I couldn't sleep thinking about this.
2024.06.01 10:50 ArianaAlpaca Why am I so hopeless?
I am new here. The last couple of years were hard with my husband drinking more and more and then not being able to be a present father or husband and even becoming mean within the last couple of months. I took it all and kept loving him and encouraging him to get help.
Now he finally realized himself that he has a problem a couple of weeks ago and is in inpatient rehab right now. He still has his job (which is very encouraging for him to get help), he is in a facility with a good reputation, he understands that his drinking affected his family badly, his job will force him to continue treatment after he gets home and will hold him accountable and he wants to get better himself because he doesn't like how he feels and acts. So I should be excited. Why am I so burnt out and scared then being home with the kids?
As more as I read about alcoholism as more frustrated I get. I dont want to leave him ever because I gave him vows to be with him in good and bad times and my religion only allows divorces under extreme circumstances like physical violence. Plus I love this man. Also I am married to be one with my man and want to have a loving and protective partner on my side. I just dont want to detach and basically live my own life. That's not how it should be. I am also a stay at home mom and we have 5 kids and I did not work since I married him with 20 (we are married 18 years).
As more as I read other stories or go to AlAnon meetings as more it feels like rehab doesnt really help and everybody relapses and things usually get so bad that the men die of health issues at some point or leave their wives. I rarely hear about success stories where the man gets back on track before hitting rock bottom and it scares me so badly for our future.
Is it really that rare for a family to work things out and beat this disease together? Are there not many happy endings?
submitted by ArianaAlpaca to AlAnon [link] [comments]
Now he finally realized himself that he has a problem a couple of weeks ago and is in inpatient rehab right now. He still has his job (which is very encouraging for him to get help), he is in a facility with a good reputation, he understands that his drinking affected his family badly, his job will force him to continue treatment after he gets home and will hold him accountable and he wants to get better himself because he doesn't like how he feels and acts. So I should be excited. Why am I so burnt out and scared then being home with the kids?
As more as I read about alcoholism as more frustrated I get. I dont want to leave him ever because I gave him vows to be with him in good and bad times and my religion only allows divorces under extreme circumstances like physical violence. Plus I love this man. Also I am married to be one with my man and want to have a loving and protective partner on my side. I just dont want to detach and basically live my own life. That's not how it should be. I am also a stay at home mom and we have 5 kids and I did not work since I married him with 20 (we are married 18 years).
As more as I read other stories or go to AlAnon meetings as more it feels like rehab doesnt really help and everybody relapses and things usually get so bad that the men die of health issues at some point or leave their wives. I rarely hear about success stories where the man gets back on track before hitting rock bottom and it scares me so badly for our future.
Is it really that rare for a family to work things out and beat this disease together? Are there not many happy endings?
2024.06.01 10:45 Ready-Bat-8824 May 2024 Hilaria Baldwin’s IG Recap = 5 Posts or “The Baby Also Has Sewer Slippers?!?”
 | ~Hillary & Alec’s IG Stats~ submitted by Ready-Bat-8824 to HilariaBaldwin [link] [comments]
Alec: Well, in my family now, I'm the only person I know who drops four kids off at school in the morning and comes home and I still have three kids waiting for me. When I get home, I have seven - I have eight children. Ireland, my oldest daughter who's married, Ireland has a baby, and she and her boyfriend are living in Oregon. And I met my wife and I got remarried and I had seven kids in nine years. It's crazy. (I think you meant to say, “my wife is batshit crazy.” The devil is in the details, Zander) And then, all of a sudden, I met my wife, who I love dearly, (I think he repeats this in virtually every interview to counter the years of talking shit about Kim Basinger) every time the baby would get to be two years old, we’d go, maybe it's time for one more baby, one more baby, so we have seven kids. But we're actually selling our house, moving to Vermont. We bought a place in Vermont, and I'm trying to get everybody to start to acclimate up there…I think my wife wants a little change of scenery now, it's so crowded out here…I love Vermont. It's so peaceful. We got a great deal. We got fifty-five acres; house was built in 1792. It's very pretty. The Kids Want Alec Around All the Time Host: What do you do away from your family? Meaning, do you play golf? Do you play tennis? Alec: I play tennis all summer...The thing that's happened in these last ten years, especially the last three or four years, is my kids are used to me being around…I mean they really rely on that… when I'm gone, they're like, you know, they're on FaceTime. If I travel to go away for a couple of days to get a paycheck, they’re on my FaceTime going you know, where are you? What are you doing? You know, they're completely baffled when I go away. (God bless those kiddos and I’m preeetttttty sure they rely on Leonela/Leonetta a whole lot.) Drug & Alcohol Use Alec: Every day for two years, I think I snorted a line of cocaine from here to Saturn. We did one on the rings of Saturn. Then we came home. We took it back home. I mean, cocaine was like coffee back and everybody was doing it all day. I did a lot of coke and then I and then February 23rd, 1985…I stopped doing drugs and my drinking increased, which is they tell you that's going to happen, and that did happen. I just started drinking. I mean, and the thing, I miss drinking. I don't miss drugs at all, but I do miss drinking. I like to drink. (I appreciate next to nothing about this man, but I appreciate the honesty of this statement). Host: But because you don't drink, and because you don't do drugs, what do you do? Do you meditate? What do you do to deal with the pressures of the outside, you know, forces, (I think you mean “lawsuits”, Paul) what do you do to get away from that? Alec: (deadpan) Drink. I drink. I lied; I've been drinking nonstop since 1985. I lie. I tell people I'm sober and I drink my balls off. (Laughs) But no, I do miss drinking, I must say…New York relaxes me. I walk around and I see aspects of it that I've never seen before. I look at a building and I'll go, my god, I never noticed that about that building. Those doors. You know. New York is like a European city. You walk around and keep your eyes open. And I have lunches and coffee with my friends. (Um is he talking about the owner of Madman Espresso? Because that’s the only coffee related person we’ve ever seen him around.) And, I'd like to get out of here because the city is chaotic. (But also relaxing? What the hell?) But we live in the village. It's a little bit more residential. I love New York. I go to the symphony and the opera and the ballet all the time, you know, pretty regularly. But I do try to meditate. Meditating with seven children is like trying to play ping pong on the deck of an aircraft. It's a real pain in the ass. (But they rely on you, Alec?!?!)
MichWho was also there- if only Hillary's mallet could tap some life into the frozen tundra of Mich's mask/face.
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