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2008.12.11 01:34 Landlord Discussion
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2024.06.01 15:36 kenUdigitt Novel Chapter 426
Disclaimer: I do not speak Korean. This is purely translated by machine with a lot of cleanup afterward. With that in mind, I am open to criticism to improve these translations. Enjoy!
Chapter 426
Whoosh!
The instant he confronted the colossal Fire Dragon emerging from the spearhead, the Arch Lich had a stark realization.
'It's too late.'
The attack was inescapable.
His unspoken spell and the nearly completed magic dissipated among the abrupt inferno that enveloped him.
Radiating the Fire of Calamity, the Fire Dragon opened its gaping maw towards the paralyzed Arch Lich, who had become numb to even pain.
Boom!
A draconian roar accompanied by billowing blue flames engulfed everything. The air warped, and the searing heat vaporized all in its path.
The Arch Lich felt his magical barriers and shields dissolving, reviving sensations he thought he had long forgotten.
'It's hot.'
Roar!
The blue Fire of Calamity dominated his vision. The Fire Dragon, unrelenting, swept over him and continued its relentless flight.
Its target was the enormous black Gate at the heart of the devastated city.
Wait, it was hurtling towards the Gate.
'No!'
In a surge of panic, the Arch Lich's red eyes widened, and he extended his hand futilely as the Fire Dragon consumed the Gate, nearly equal in size.
At that moment, when the flames met the extraordinary magical power fueled by the life force of countless humans, a blinding explosion erupted.
Boom!
A pillar of light visible from vast distances ascended.
Darkness clashed with blue flames, merging rapidly. The stripped skyscrapers that had barely held against the onslaught now crumbled, unleashing a ring of tempestuous winds.
Gurgurrrrrugug.
An unspeakable roar and tremor shook the earth.
The ash-gray sky cracked open, and the dense fog smothering the city dispersed like a dispelled illusion.
Then, as if it were all a fleeting dream, a tranquil silence descended.
'Ah.'
With a vacant stare, the Arch Lich surveyed the landscape.
The scene was ostensibly unchanged, yet he knew — everything, including himself, had irreversibly transformed. It had all crumbled, like a sandcastle at high tide.
Slowly, the Arch Lich turned his gaze. The trembling red glow fell upon a figure, imposing as a steel tower.
- I should have killed you.
A declaration that pierced the stillness.
Pale as death, Jin Tae-Kyung spoke. Despite appearing on the brink of collapse from the physical toll and mental strain of endless battles, his voice retained its unwavering force.
"I know. Why didn't you kill me quickly?"
The Arch Lich's lips sealed shut. The missed chance to end Jin Tae-Kyung's life was his error.
A lapse in vigilance had undone everything.
'My King, please forgive this disloyal servant.'
The Arch Lich sought forgiveness from his King, wherever he might be.
Had he not hesitated, had he slain Jin Tae-Kyung before the human's monstrous ally was reborn and drove that cursed sword into his chest... all would have unfolded as ordained.
He would have endured, finalized the Gate, and unleashed legions of monsters to devastate humanity and ignite their cities.
All while anticipating the return of the formidable King.
Yet, his flawless scheme had crumbled spectacularly.
All due to one man — Jin Tae-Kyung.
The crimson in the Arch Lich's eyes ignited with dwindling power.
He silently vowed vengeance, and his oath of retribution echoed towards Jin Tae-Kyung.
- Remember me. One day, I will trample your souls with my bare feet.
Jin Tae-Kyung spat out a glob of phlegm.
"The one that's about to die always spouts bullshit. How about you try calling Asmodeus a bastard instead? If you do, I may consider ending this quickly."
The Skeleton King hesitated before speaking.
- Asmodeus, you bastard...
"Not you."
- Ah, I know. I just wanted to try it once. But it feels wrong to say such disrespectful words.
"Why? You're a king now, too."
- Yes, that's right.
By the River of Death, he swore to tear those two apart.
The Arch Lich extended both hands towards Jin Tae-Kyung and the Skeleton King.
His skeletal fingers tightened as if to obliterate them from a distance, yet nothing ensued.
Instead, a stray wind caressed his entire form.
Swoosh.
It was disintegration. Beginning with the Arch Lich's hands, his very essence started to erode.
Arms, legs, torso, and at last, the skull housing the dimming red glow.
- Please survive. Until the day we meet again... [Note: the second villain who wishes the MC a long life.]
A voice steeped in bitterness mingled with the wind and faded away.
The growing tempest scattered the ashes that were once the Arch Lich.
As it howled, its reach extended to everything within the radius of One Strike, leaving behind a desolate landscape of collapsed skyscrapers, heaps of concrete, overturned vehicles, and lifeless bodies...
And the unfinished colossal Gate, which might have sparked an even more catastrophic war.
Whoosh.
In the midst of this desolation, Jin Tae-Kyung stood in silence, a solitary chime ringing in his ears, audible only to him amidst the chaos.
Ding. Ding. Ding.
A flood of System notifications clouded his vision, signaling the end of the ordeal.
Yet, Jin Tae-Kyung’s body, drained of all energy, began to sway towards the earth.
'I did it.'
With that single thought, he surrendered to a profound and serene slumber.
And the Skeleton King, carefully catching the falling form of Jin Tae-Kyung, could see it.
The faint smile spreading across his lips.
- You've worked hard.
Wicked but still a decent human, he murmured to himself.
Intent on transporting Jin Tae-Kyung to a place of rest and safety, the Skeleton King suddenly recalled something he had forgotten.
- Oh, right. The sword.
Was it called 'Hero's Soul'? He wasn't sure who had named it, but it was certain that a mysterious power was imbued in it.
It was thanks to that sword that he, once a Skeleton Warlord on the verge of extinction, had been awakened and able to deal a serious blow to the dreadful Arch Lich.
- I almost forgot. I must make sure to take it.
Locating the sword didn't take long. It had lain quietly at the spot where the Arch Lich last stood, embedded in its chest until the final moments.
Yet, as the Skeleton King lifted the [Hero's Soul], confusion furrowed his brow.
- Hmm, something feels off.
It was a strange sensation, difficult to explain.
It might be accurate to say that while it remained a legendary sword, its mystical aura seemed somewhat diminished.
- Did I pick up the wrong sword?
But despite a thorough search and close inspection of the sword, nothing seemed amiss.
After some contemplation, scratching his golden skull, the Skeleton King concluded.
- Hmm. It must be the right one, I suppose.
He thought it was just a momentary feeling. The sword he remembered looked the same, and he had seen it fall from Arch Lich's chest at the last moment.
'But why does this feel so unsettling?'
It was a perplexing anomaly. The Skeleton King shook his head and tucked the sword between his pelvic bones for safekeeping.
As he approached the fallen Jin Tae-Kyung, he remained oblivious.
Unseen by him, as Jin Tae-Kyung succumbed to unconsciousness, drained of all strength, a mist-like black energy mingled with the dispersing wind.
Simultaneously, the golden light that had clung to the [Hero's Soul] disapeared from the sword as it pursued this dark essence.
But this light was not merely riding the wind.
The black energy, intertwined with the wind, drifted along until his path was obstructed.
The Arch Lich, now merely a feeble fragment of his former soul, widened his eyes at the dazzling golden light shimmering before him.
'Such an absurdity.'
Before dissolving, the Arch Lich’s final words to Jin Tae-Kyung and the Skeleton King were sincere.
He vowed a swift return, ready to drench the land with blood, wielding greater power and commanding a vaster horde of monsters than ever before.
Life Force Vessel.
A high-level dark magic exclusive to the undead, capable of preserving fragments of souls, was thought to prevent eternal obliteration. [Note: like a horcrux from Harry Potter.]
Or so he had thought, until that resplendent golden light intercepted him.
- What are you?
Now reduced to a mere sliver of a soul, the Arch Lich was no match for the brilliance emanating from the light.
Mixed emotions of anger, astonishment, and fear intensified the black energy.
Despite the Arch Lich’s thoughts reaching out, the golden light remained impassive, merely intensifying its radiance and expanding in size.
Then, the Arch Lich understood the true essence of the light.
It was not magic but a soul. The soul of someone he had once crushed and defiled. Though formless, it persisted within the sword, sustained solely by sheer will.
The Arch Lich suddenly recalled one of the memories he had buried deep in his mind.
'You are noble, human. What is your name?'
On that day of carnage, where blood ran like rivers and corpses mounted like hills, amidst ruins and death, one human stood defiant till the end.
- Lei Fei.
The movement of the Arch Lich, or rather the black energy, halted abruptly.
The brilliant golden light burst forth from the void, enveloping him like a tidal wave.
Whoosh!
'...Damn it all.'
And those were the Arch Lich's final thoughts.
* * *
The atmosphere on the battlefield, where the main forces congregated, was electric.
As the S-rank Hunters and a contingent of troops moved to the rear to forge a pathway for the suicide squad, tens of thousands of monsters capitalized on the opportunity to launch an assault.
「Fire Rain!」
Boom!
From the back lines, the mage unit unleashed their area-wide magic, and a torrential downpour of fire descended upon the enemy.
In that moment, as hundreds of monsters were reduced to cinders, the mages' fists clenched in grim resolve.
Squeal! Crack!
「...Huh?」
One mage, his face etched with confusion, wiped away the blood that had splashed across his features.
The face of his comrade, who had shared a smile just moments ago, was obliterated. No, it had been blown apart.
This was the work of a black lance, piercing through the air like a beam of light from a distance.
Squeal, boom!
Another lance hurtled through the air, impaling several mages before their screams could even begin.
「Aaagh!」
「Death Knights! It's Death Knights!」
「Damn it, what the hell are you talking about! Weren't they all dealt with?」
「No, it seems not! It looks like they had hidden some elite monsters among them!」
This foreboding pronouncement quickly became a gruesome reality.
With the S-rank Hunters away, elite monsters emerged on the battlefield, initiating a brutal massacre.
Screech!
Boom!
Death Knights, Liches, and scores of invisible Wyverns materialized, unleashing a ruthless onslaught.
As people fell and monsters advanced without pause, a profound despair settled over those who fought desperately to hold their ground.
Even if the S-rank Hunters were present, this battle would have been tough to emerge victorious from.
'It's all over.'
And just when all seemed lost, as they braced for death.
Swoosh!
The blade of a Death Knight, caught mid-slash through a victim, suddenly halted.
No, it disintegrated into ash.
"W-what is this...?"
A hunter who had narrowly escaped death looked around in astonishment.
It was a sight beyond belief.
First, hundreds fell, then thousands disintegrated.
Before long, tens of thousands of monsters were disintegrating into ash and collapsing.
Swoosh.
It was the beginning of the end.
submitted by kenUdigitt to u/kenUdigitt [link] [comments]
Chapter 426
Whoosh!
The instant he confronted the colossal Fire Dragon emerging from the spearhead, the Arch Lich had a stark realization.
'It's too late.'
The attack was inescapable.
His unspoken spell and the nearly completed magic dissipated among the abrupt inferno that enveloped him.
Radiating the Fire of Calamity, the Fire Dragon opened its gaping maw towards the paralyzed Arch Lich, who had become numb to even pain.
Boom!
A draconian roar accompanied by billowing blue flames engulfed everything. The air warped, and the searing heat vaporized all in its path.
The Arch Lich felt his magical barriers and shields dissolving, reviving sensations he thought he had long forgotten.
'It's hot.'
Roar!
The blue Fire of Calamity dominated his vision. The Fire Dragon, unrelenting, swept over him and continued its relentless flight.
Its target was the enormous black Gate at the heart of the devastated city.
Wait, it was hurtling towards the Gate.
'No!'
In a surge of panic, the Arch Lich's red eyes widened, and he extended his hand futilely as the Fire Dragon consumed the Gate, nearly equal in size.
At that moment, when the flames met the extraordinary magical power fueled by the life force of countless humans, a blinding explosion erupted.
Boom!
A pillar of light visible from vast distances ascended.
Darkness clashed with blue flames, merging rapidly. The stripped skyscrapers that had barely held against the onslaught now crumbled, unleashing a ring of tempestuous winds.
Gurgurrrrrugug.
An unspeakable roar and tremor shook the earth.
The ash-gray sky cracked open, and the dense fog smothering the city dispersed like a dispelled illusion.
Then, as if it were all a fleeting dream, a tranquil silence descended.
'Ah.'
With a vacant stare, the Arch Lich surveyed the landscape.
The scene was ostensibly unchanged, yet he knew — everything, including himself, had irreversibly transformed. It had all crumbled, like a sandcastle at high tide.
Slowly, the Arch Lich turned his gaze. The trembling red glow fell upon a figure, imposing as a steel tower.
- I should have killed you.
A declaration that pierced the stillness.
Pale as death, Jin Tae-Kyung spoke. Despite appearing on the brink of collapse from the physical toll and mental strain of endless battles, his voice retained its unwavering force.
"I know. Why didn't you kill me quickly?"
The Arch Lich's lips sealed shut. The missed chance to end Jin Tae-Kyung's life was his error.
A lapse in vigilance had undone everything.
'My King, please forgive this disloyal servant.'
The Arch Lich sought forgiveness from his King, wherever he might be.
Had he not hesitated, had he slain Jin Tae-Kyung before the human's monstrous ally was reborn and drove that cursed sword into his chest... all would have unfolded as ordained.
He would have endured, finalized the Gate, and unleashed legions of monsters to devastate humanity and ignite their cities.
All while anticipating the return of the formidable King.
Yet, his flawless scheme had crumbled spectacularly.
All due to one man — Jin Tae-Kyung.
The crimson in the Arch Lich's eyes ignited with dwindling power.
He silently vowed vengeance, and his oath of retribution echoed towards Jin Tae-Kyung.
- Remember me. One day, I will trample your souls with my bare feet.
Jin Tae-Kyung spat out a glob of phlegm.
"The one that's about to die always spouts bullshit. How about you try calling Asmodeus a bastard instead? If you do, I may consider ending this quickly."
The Skeleton King hesitated before speaking.
- Asmodeus, you bastard...
"Not you."
- Ah, I know. I just wanted to try it once. But it feels wrong to say such disrespectful words.
"Why? You're a king now, too."
- Yes, that's right.
By the River of Death, he swore to tear those two apart.
The Arch Lich extended both hands towards Jin Tae-Kyung and the Skeleton King.
His skeletal fingers tightened as if to obliterate them from a distance, yet nothing ensued.
Instead, a stray wind caressed his entire form.
Swoosh.
It was disintegration. Beginning with the Arch Lich's hands, his very essence started to erode.
Arms, legs, torso, and at last, the skull housing the dimming red glow.
- Please survive. Until the day we meet again... [Note: the second villain who wishes the MC a long life.]
A voice steeped in bitterness mingled with the wind and faded away.
The growing tempest scattered the ashes that were once the Arch Lich.
As it howled, its reach extended to everything within the radius of One Strike, leaving behind a desolate landscape of collapsed skyscrapers, heaps of concrete, overturned vehicles, and lifeless bodies...
And the unfinished colossal Gate, which might have sparked an even more catastrophic war.
Whoosh.
In the midst of this desolation, Jin Tae-Kyung stood in silence, a solitary chime ringing in his ears, audible only to him amidst the chaos.
Ding. Ding. Ding.
A flood of System notifications clouded his vision, signaling the end of the ordeal.
Yet, Jin Tae-Kyung’s body, drained of all energy, began to sway towards the earth.
'I did it.'
With that single thought, he surrendered to a profound and serene slumber.
And the Skeleton King, carefully catching the falling form of Jin Tae-Kyung, could see it.
The faint smile spreading across his lips.
- You've worked hard.
Wicked but still a decent human, he murmured to himself.
Intent on transporting Jin Tae-Kyung to a place of rest and safety, the Skeleton King suddenly recalled something he had forgotten.
- Oh, right. The sword.
Was it called 'Hero's Soul'? He wasn't sure who had named it, but it was certain that a mysterious power was imbued in it.
It was thanks to that sword that he, once a Skeleton Warlord on the verge of extinction, had been awakened and able to deal a serious blow to the dreadful Arch Lich.
- I almost forgot. I must make sure to take it.
Locating the sword didn't take long. It had lain quietly at the spot where the Arch Lich last stood, embedded in its chest until the final moments.
Yet, as the Skeleton King lifted the [Hero's Soul], confusion furrowed his brow.
- Hmm, something feels off.
It was a strange sensation, difficult to explain.
It might be accurate to say that while it remained a legendary sword, its mystical aura seemed somewhat diminished.
- Did I pick up the wrong sword?
But despite a thorough search and close inspection of the sword, nothing seemed amiss.
After some contemplation, scratching his golden skull, the Skeleton King concluded.
- Hmm. It must be the right one, I suppose.
He thought it was just a momentary feeling. The sword he remembered looked the same, and he had seen it fall from Arch Lich's chest at the last moment.
'But why does this feel so unsettling?'
It was a perplexing anomaly. The Skeleton King shook his head and tucked the sword between his pelvic bones for safekeeping.
As he approached the fallen Jin Tae-Kyung, he remained oblivious.
Unseen by him, as Jin Tae-Kyung succumbed to unconsciousness, drained of all strength, a mist-like black energy mingled with the dispersing wind.
Simultaneously, the golden light that had clung to the [Hero's Soul] disapeared from the sword as it pursued this dark essence.
But this light was not merely riding the wind.
The black energy, intertwined with the wind, drifted along until his path was obstructed.
The Arch Lich, now merely a feeble fragment of his former soul, widened his eyes at the dazzling golden light shimmering before him.
'Such an absurdity.'
Before dissolving, the Arch Lich’s final words to Jin Tae-Kyung and the Skeleton King were sincere.
He vowed a swift return, ready to drench the land with blood, wielding greater power and commanding a vaster horde of monsters than ever before.
Life Force Vessel.
A high-level dark magic exclusive to the undead, capable of preserving fragments of souls, was thought to prevent eternal obliteration. [Note: like a horcrux from Harry Potter.]
Or so he had thought, until that resplendent golden light intercepted him.
- What are you?
Now reduced to a mere sliver of a soul, the Arch Lich was no match for the brilliance emanating from the light.
Mixed emotions of anger, astonishment, and fear intensified the black energy.
Despite the Arch Lich’s thoughts reaching out, the golden light remained impassive, merely intensifying its radiance and expanding in size.
Then, the Arch Lich understood the true essence of the light.
It was not magic but a soul. The soul of someone he had once crushed and defiled. Though formless, it persisted within the sword, sustained solely by sheer will.
The Arch Lich suddenly recalled one of the memories he had buried deep in his mind.
'You are noble, human. What is your name?'
On that day of carnage, where blood ran like rivers and corpses mounted like hills, amidst ruins and death, one human stood defiant till the end.
- Lei Fei.
The movement of the Arch Lich, or rather the black energy, halted abruptly.
The brilliant golden light burst forth from the void, enveloping him like a tidal wave.
Whoosh!
'...Damn it all.'
And those were the Arch Lich's final thoughts.
* * *
The atmosphere on the battlefield, where the main forces congregated, was electric.
As the S-rank Hunters and a contingent of troops moved to the rear to forge a pathway for the suicide squad, tens of thousands of monsters capitalized on the opportunity to launch an assault.
「Fire Rain!」
Boom!
From the back lines, the mage unit unleashed their area-wide magic, and a torrential downpour of fire descended upon the enemy.
In that moment, as hundreds of monsters were reduced to cinders, the mages' fists clenched in grim resolve.
Squeal! Crack!
「...Huh?」
One mage, his face etched with confusion, wiped away the blood that had splashed across his features.
The face of his comrade, who had shared a smile just moments ago, was obliterated. No, it had been blown apart.
This was the work of a black lance, piercing through the air like a beam of light from a distance.
Squeal, boom!
Another lance hurtled through the air, impaling several mages before their screams could even begin.
「Aaagh!」
「Death Knights! It's Death Knights!」
「Damn it, what the hell are you talking about! Weren't they all dealt with?」
「No, it seems not! It looks like they had hidden some elite monsters among them!」
This foreboding pronouncement quickly became a gruesome reality.
With the S-rank Hunters away, elite monsters emerged on the battlefield, initiating a brutal massacre.
Screech!
Boom!
Death Knights, Liches, and scores of invisible Wyverns materialized, unleashing a ruthless onslaught.
As people fell and monsters advanced without pause, a profound despair settled over those who fought desperately to hold their ground.
Even if the S-rank Hunters were present, this battle would have been tough to emerge victorious from.
'It's all over.'
And just when all seemed lost, as they braced for death.
Swoosh!
The blade of a Death Knight, caught mid-slash through a victim, suddenly halted.
No, it disintegrated into ash.
"W-what is this...?"
A hunter who had narrowly escaped death looked around in astonishment.
It was a sight beyond belief.
First, hundreds fell, then thousands disintegrated.
Before long, tens of thousands of monsters were disintegrating into ash and collapsing.
Swoosh.
It was the beginning of the end.
2024.06.01 15:33 kenUdigitt Novel Chapter 422
Disclaimer: I do not speak Korean. This is purely translated by machine with a lot of cleanup afterward. With that in mind, I am open to criticism to improve these translations. Enjoy!
Chapter 422
Ding. Ding. Ding.
- Opportunity arises within crisis. You have gained new enlightenment amidst a life-and-death battle!
- [Middle Dantian] has been opened!
- With the opening of the [Middle Dantian], all stats have increased by 20!
- The effects of [Qi Cultivation] have greatly improved!
- Your ability to understand and manipulate the flow of Qi has been greatly enhanced!
- Your internal and external states have been strengthened!
.
.
.
The relentless System notifications echoed in my ears, their cadence like a persistent hammer.
A sudden gust of wind swept through, playing with my sweat-drenched hair as a newfound vigor suffused my body.
A clear, resonant bell chimed, marking the culmination of my transformation.
Ding.
- As a reward for your enlightenment, you have gained a large amount of experience points!
- As a reward for your enlightenment, you have gained 50 bonus points!
- Level up!
- As a result of leveling up, all status effects, fatigue, and some injuries are recovered!
- The status abnormality, [Curse], has been lifted!
- Temporarily reduced stats have been restored to their original state!
I wasn't the only one who felt such changes.
No hand moves unseen by its master. The Arch Lich, sensing the dissolution of his curse, voiced his disbelief in a tone thick with suspicion.
- How did you...?!
His words, laden with myriad unspoken queries, met only my nonchalant shrug.
"Well."
- Well?
"Yes, well."
- Do you think that explains it?
"Obviously not. But do I really need to explain myself to you?"
From the flickering light in his eyes, incredulity was unmistakable.
- You're not a mage, are you?
"I did want to be a mage. They get paid more, you know. But I just don't have the talent for it. Nor the brains."
- Even those you call Grand Mages couldn't easily dispel my magic like this.
"There's nothing to it, really."
- This makes no sense!
I conceded silently.
The Arch Lich's mastery was undeniably beyond mine.
Even I, having long surpassed the ordinary bounds of a Hunter, struggled against his curses and the perilous illusions crafted from bone spears.
Without my recent enlightenment, I might not have stood here at all.
But...
"So what are you going to do about it?"
- ...!
The System was on my side; I had simply utilized the strength and resources it provided to navigate through the crisis.
If he thinks that's unfair, he can use the System himself.
"That's just how the world works. It's annoying and frustrating, but you just have to bear with it and move on. It's already happened. Right?"
The Skeleton Warlord, previously howling in rage until a moment ago, now murmured under his breath.
- Wow, you really do speak well.
That's just how I am.
- You wicked human. It doesn't look like he's going to just let it go and move on.
The Skeleton Warlord was right.
Suddenly, a chilling voice cut through the air, followed by a tempest of formidable magical energy.
- Unleash Sonic Buster.
Simultaneously.
Whoosh, boom!
A blast of densely compressed air erupted.
Its sheer velocity turned concrete to dust and twisted steel rebars like twigs.
The shockwave shattered the windows of a nearby skyscraper, sweeping up a storm of glass shards.
In an instant, before I could even blink, the devastating wind was mere inches from my face.
- Human!
The scream of the Skeleton Warlord resounded from my inventory.
Was it concern for his own fate, or anxiety over mine?
Regardless, the reason held little weight.
I was no longer the same person I had been mere moments ago.
'Ah.'
A warmth blossomed in my chest. The spot known to martial artists as the Middle Dantian had fully opened.
Suddenly, I understood everything around me. I felt it on my skin and saw it with acute clarity.
'So that's how it is.'
Time seemed to stretch, the world slowing to a crawl around me, rendering everything sharply defined and vivid.
A colossal orb of wind, launched like a slicing blade, and the intricate flow of magic that propelled it.
Shhhh!
Everything has a core, magic included. With the opening of my middle dantian, I could discern that core.
'Now.'
In this decelerated reality, I thrust my spear forward. The formidable orb of wind, previously unstoppable, cleaved neatly in two by the blade of White Flames.
The split fragments of the wind, once a unified force, now dispersed into hundreds, then thousands of smaller currents. Stripped of their magical command, they cascaded to the earth in a chaotic ballet.
Swoosh, crash!
The winds whipped around, tousling my clothes and hair. I raised my head to face the Arch Lich, my expression tinged with a slight smile.
"Come down here. My neck hurts."
- You...!
"Fine, I'll come up."
Crack, boom!
A single step.
The ground beneath me shattered, and I propelled myself toward the grey expanse above.
* * *
Boom!
As Jin Tae-Kyung launched into the air, the Arch Lich grasped the gravity of the situation.
'I can't let this human approach.'
Avoiding melee combat was a basic rule for any mage, yet it held a new significance for the Arch Lich now.
'To think this body feels threatened by a mere human.'
He prided himself on having reached the pinnacle of black magic.
Despite the considerable drain on his power during his resurrection, the Arch Lich still wielded more magical might than any Grand Mage.
Yet, the human confronting him now... posed a genuine threat.
'Yes, just like that one back then.'
It was a memory he desperately wanted to forget. Gritting his teeth, the Arch Lich summoned his magic.
- Gravity!
This time, his command wasn't just a shout but a formidable wave of power, unleashing an invisible, formless force that crushed everything within its vast reach.
Even an S-rank Hunter like Jin Tae-Kyung could hardly withstand the overwhelming pressure closing in on him.
Bang!
A burst of compressed air shot from beneath Jin Tae-Kyung's feet as he executed the Void-Trampling Step, his body darting out of the gravity's lethal embrace.
His movements, sharp and swift as a hawk's, far surpassed those of any ordinary flyer.
'What the hell.'
The Arch Lich's eyes darkened as he watched Jin Tae-Kyung slice through the air, rapidly closing the distance.
It was clear now; Jin Tae-Kyung had not only accurately determined the range of the gravity spell but evaded it with uncanny skill.
'It wasn't mere luck that he dispelled the illusion magic. Then...'
Whoooosh!
Magic surged from the Arch Lich, vibrating the very air around him.
- Gravity. Gravity. Gravity.
He cast the high-level spell repeatedly, a feat beyond even the most adept mages. With this, the Arch Lich believed he would overpower Jin Tae-Kyung this time.
'Fall, human.'
Instead of increasing the force, he had expanded the spell's reach, creating a gravitational field vast enough to ensnare any within its grip...
Screech!
Doubt flickered in the Arch Lich's gaze.
Simultaneously, the crushing spell around Jin Tae-Kyung unraveled, its magical link severed as if sliced by an unseen blade.
Caught off-guard, the Arch Lich watched as Jin Tae-Kyung propelled himself forward, stepping into the void and rocketing upwards like a cannonball.
Boom! Sssshhhh!
With a deafening sonic boom, Jin Tae-Kyung soared, not merely in front but rising above the Arch Lich, and he brought down the White Flames with devastating force.
Whoosh, a streak of blue flames surged towards the Arch Lich.
Crash!
In the slowed-down reality, an invisible shield around the Arch Lich shattered like glass.
In that moment, the flames of Protective Qi, fueled by three gapjas of Scorching Yang Qi, penetrated the multitude of defensive spells cloaking the Arch Lich.
- Great Bone Wall!
With a grim command, a barrier of black bones erupted from the void.
This top-tier defensive magic, materializing merely a meter away, met the spear blade wreathed in flames.
In the ashen sky, a massive shockwave boomed and thunder roared around the two foes divided by the Bone Wall.
Whooooah!
The air burst with intensity, dispersing clouds that had roamed the high skies. Buildings teetering on collapse crumbled, and half-decayed bodies were whisked away by the winds.
Yet, the two beings responsible for this chaos faced each other across the barrier, their gazes steady.
"It was a waste, wasn't it?"
- Yes, indeed. No, wait...
The Arch Lich paused, his eyes fixated on the mystical spear blade that had penetrated the center of the wall.
- It was dangerous.
The length of the spear blade that passed through the Bone Wall was only about the length of a finger, and the burst of Protective Qi had not even grazed his nose.
It was fortunate for the Arch Lich and regrettable for Jin Tae-Kyung.
"You're lucky, you."
- Arrogant human, I must admit.
"What?"
Jin Tae-Kyung, taken aback, listened as the Arch Lich spoke more deliberately.
- You would be worthy of this win, if you truly are the Adversary.
"...The Adversary?"
- Yes. The King's Adversary. The eternal rival entangled by the whims of the gods. I cannot be certain yet... but perhaps that's why I was able to rise again from the River of Death.
Jin Tae-Kyung’s brow furrowed. What does the King's Adversary mean, and what was this talk of the whims of the gods?
"Are you a second-year middle school student? Clear away these bones and show me your right hand. Let's see if you have a Black Flame Dragon." [Note: this reference is a bit intricate. The "Black Flame Dragon" part originates from the YuYu Hakusho anime/manga, in which one of the characters has a Black Flame Dragon living in his right arm. The "second year middle school" part references a concept called "chuunibyou", which comes from the light novel "Even with Chuunibyou, I Want to Fall in Love!", which heavily references "YuYu Hakusho". The concept of "chuunibyou" describes a particular stage in adolescence where individuals might hold delusional beliefs of grandeur, pretending to have secret knowledge or hidden powers. It's typically characterized by dramatic, over-the-top behavior, which is often a source of embarrassment later in life. This concept was vastly popularized by the anime, "Love, Chunibyo, and Other Delusions!"]
The Arch Lich shook his head.
- This is something neither you nor I can understand. But one thing is certain.
His eyes, previously dimly glowing red, now blazed with intensity.
Initially, he had merely thought of him as a powerful, albeit strange, human. Now, his perception had shifted.
Memories from decades ago flooded back, when he had roamed the planet in service to the King.
And the face of that human he had encountered on the day he fell into the River of Death.
'The Adversary.'
The human who had not only slain him but had also assassinated the King.
The Arch Lich tried to halt him but failed; he attempted to close the distance but could not bridge it. This human was the only one the Arch Lich had ever truly feared.
Amidst the tumult of battle with Jin Tae-Kyung, memories of that fearful day surfaced.
- You... will surely die here.
His voice, grim yet resolute, reverberated through the air.
Jin Tae-Kyung’s reply was dismissive and direct.
"What are you talking about, idiot?"
Then, in the blink of an eye,
"Eat this."
Whoosh. Boom!
With calm defiance, Jin Tae-Kyung unleashed a fist wreathed in blue flames, obliterating everything before it.
It met the barrier of black bones head-on.
Flame-Extinguishing Divine Fist.
Crack!
The seemingly impenetrable Bone Wall shattered.
Through the cloud of bone shards, Jin Tae-Kyung, his face impassive, declared,
"It's much better this way. No more neck pain."
- ...!
"Down, boy."
Pop!
Like a streak of lightning, his fist shot forward, connecting squarely with the Arch Lich’s jaw.
Previous Table of Contents Next
submitted by kenUdigitt to u/kenUdigitt [link] [comments]
Chapter 422
Ding. Ding. Ding.
- Opportunity arises within crisis. You have gained new enlightenment amidst a life-and-death battle!
- [Middle Dantian] has been opened!
- With the opening of the [Middle Dantian], all stats have increased by 20!
- The effects of [Qi Cultivation] have greatly improved!
- Your ability to understand and manipulate the flow of Qi has been greatly enhanced!
- Your internal and external states have been strengthened!
.
.
.
The relentless System notifications echoed in my ears, their cadence like a persistent hammer.
A sudden gust of wind swept through, playing with my sweat-drenched hair as a newfound vigor suffused my body.
A clear, resonant bell chimed, marking the culmination of my transformation.
Ding.
- As a reward for your enlightenment, you have gained a large amount of experience points!
- As a reward for your enlightenment, you have gained 50 bonus points!
- Level up!
- As a result of leveling up, all status effects, fatigue, and some injuries are recovered!
- The status abnormality, [Curse], has been lifted!
- Temporarily reduced stats have been restored to their original state!
I wasn't the only one who felt such changes.
No hand moves unseen by its master. The Arch Lich, sensing the dissolution of his curse, voiced his disbelief in a tone thick with suspicion.
- How did you...?!
His words, laden with myriad unspoken queries, met only my nonchalant shrug.
"Well."
- Well?
"Yes, well."
- Do you think that explains it?
"Obviously not. But do I really need to explain myself to you?"
From the flickering light in his eyes, incredulity was unmistakable.
- You're not a mage, are you?
"I did want to be a mage. They get paid more, you know. But I just don't have the talent for it. Nor the brains."
- Even those you call Grand Mages couldn't easily dispel my magic like this.
"There's nothing to it, really."
- This makes no sense!
I conceded silently.
The Arch Lich's mastery was undeniably beyond mine.
Even I, having long surpassed the ordinary bounds of a Hunter, struggled against his curses and the perilous illusions crafted from bone spears.
Without my recent enlightenment, I might not have stood here at all.
But...
"So what are you going to do about it?"
- ...!
The System was on my side; I had simply utilized the strength and resources it provided to navigate through the crisis.
If he thinks that's unfair, he can use the System himself.
"That's just how the world works. It's annoying and frustrating, but you just have to bear with it and move on. It's already happened. Right?"
The Skeleton Warlord, previously howling in rage until a moment ago, now murmured under his breath.
- Wow, you really do speak well.
That's just how I am.
- You wicked human. It doesn't look like he's going to just let it go and move on.
The Skeleton Warlord was right.
Suddenly, a chilling voice cut through the air, followed by a tempest of formidable magical energy.
- Unleash Sonic Buster.
Simultaneously.
Whoosh, boom!
A blast of densely compressed air erupted.
Its sheer velocity turned concrete to dust and twisted steel rebars like twigs.
The shockwave shattered the windows of a nearby skyscraper, sweeping up a storm of glass shards.
In an instant, before I could even blink, the devastating wind was mere inches from my face.
- Human!
The scream of the Skeleton Warlord resounded from my inventory.
Was it concern for his own fate, or anxiety over mine?
Regardless, the reason held little weight.
I was no longer the same person I had been mere moments ago.
'Ah.'
A warmth blossomed in my chest. The spot known to martial artists as the Middle Dantian had fully opened.
Suddenly, I understood everything around me. I felt it on my skin and saw it with acute clarity.
'So that's how it is.'
Time seemed to stretch, the world slowing to a crawl around me, rendering everything sharply defined and vivid.
A colossal orb of wind, launched like a slicing blade, and the intricate flow of magic that propelled it.
Shhhh!
Everything has a core, magic included. With the opening of my middle dantian, I could discern that core.
'Now.'
In this decelerated reality, I thrust my spear forward. The formidable orb of wind, previously unstoppable, cleaved neatly in two by the blade of White Flames.
The split fragments of the wind, once a unified force, now dispersed into hundreds, then thousands of smaller currents. Stripped of their magical command, they cascaded to the earth in a chaotic ballet.
Swoosh, crash!
The winds whipped around, tousling my clothes and hair. I raised my head to face the Arch Lich, my expression tinged with a slight smile.
"Come down here. My neck hurts."
- You...!
"Fine, I'll come up."
Crack, boom!
A single step.
The ground beneath me shattered, and I propelled myself toward the grey expanse above.
* * *
Boom!
As Jin Tae-Kyung launched into the air, the Arch Lich grasped the gravity of the situation.
'I can't let this human approach.'
Avoiding melee combat was a basic rule for any mage, yet it held a new significance for the Arch Lich now.
'To think this body feels threatened by a mere human.'
He prided himself on having reached the pinnacle of black magic.
Despite the considerable drain on his power during his resurrection, the Arch Lich still wielded more magical might than any Grand Mage.
Yet, the human confronting him now... posed a genuine threat.
'Yes, just like that one back then.'
It was a memory he desperately wanted to forget. Gritting his teeth, the Arch Lich summoned his magic.
- Gravity!
This time, his command wasn't just a shout but a formidable wave of power, unleashing an invisible, formless force that crushed everything within its vast reach.
Even an S-rank Hunter like Jin Tae-Kyung could hardly withstand the overwhelming pressure closing in on him.
Bang!
A burst of compressed air shot from beneath Jin Tae-Kyung's feet as he executed the Void-Trampling Step, his body darting out of the gravity's lethal embrace.
His movements, sharp and swift as a hawk's, far surpassed those of any ordinary flyer.
'What the hell.'
The Arch Lich's eyes darkened as he watched Jin Tae-Kyung slice through the air, rapidly closing the distance.
It was clear now; Jin Tae-Kyung had not only accurately determined the range of the gravity spell but evaded it with uncanny skill.
'It wasn't mere luck that he dispelled the illusion magic. Then...'
Whoooosh!
Magic surged from the Arch Lich, vibrating the very air around him.
- Gravity. Gravity. Gravity.
He cast the high-level spell repeatedly, a feat beyond even the most adept mages. With this, the Arch Lich believed he would overpower Jin Tae-Kyung this time.
'Fall, human.'
Instead of increasing the force, he had expanded the spell's reach, creating a gravitational field vast enough to ensnare any within its grip...
Screech!
Doubt flickered in the Arch Lich's gaze.
Simultaneously, the crushing spell around Jin Tae-Kyung unraveled, its magical link severed as if sliced by an unseen blade.
Caught off-guard, the Arch Lich watched as Jin Tae-Kyung propelled himself forward, stepping into the void and rocketing upwards like a cannonball.
Boom! Sssshhhh!
With a deafening sonic boom, Jin Tae-Kyung soared, not merely in front but rising above the Arch Lich, and he brought down the White Flames with devastating force.
Whoosh, a streak of blue flames surged towards the Arch Lich.
Crash!
In the slowed-down reality, an invisible shield around the Arch Lich shattered like glass.
In that moment, the flames of Protective Qi, fueled by three gapjas of Scorching Yang Qi, penetrated the multitude of defensive spells cloaking the Arch Lich.
- Great Bone Wall!
With a grim command, a barrier of black bones erupted from the void.
This top-tier defensive magic, materializing merely a meter away, met the spear blade wreathed in flames.
In the ashen sky, a massive shockwave boomed and thunder roared around the two foes divided by the Bone Wall.
Whooooah!
The air burst with intensity, dispersing clouds that had roamed the high skies. Buildings teetering on collapse crumbled, and half-decayed bodies were whisked away by the winds.
Yet, the two beings responsible for this chaos faced each other across the barrier, their gazes steady.
"It was a waste, wasn't it?"
- Yes, indeed. No, wait...
The Arch Lich paused, his eyes fixated on the mystical spear blade that had penetrated the center of the wall.
- It was dangerous.
The length of the spear blade that passed through the Bone Wall was only about the length of a finger, and the burst of Protective Qi had not even grazed his nose.
It was fortunate for the Arch Lich and regrettable for Jin Tae-Kyung.
"You're lucky, you."
- Arrogant human, I must admit.
"What?"
Jin Tae-Kyung, taken aback, listened as the Arch Lich spoke more deliberately.
- You would be worthy of this win, if you truly are the Adversary.
"...The Adversary?"
- Yes. The King's Adversary. The eternal rival entangled by the whims of the gods. I cannot be certain yet... but perhaps that's why I was able to rise again from the River of Death.
Jin Tae-Kyung’s brow furrowed. What does the King's Adversary mean, and what was this talk of the whims of the gods?
"Are you a second-year middle school student? Clear away these bones and show me your right hand. Let's see if you have a Black Flame Dragon." [Note: this reference is a bit intricate. The "Black Flame Dragon" part originates from the YuYu Hakusho anime/manga, in which one of the characters has a Black Flame Dragon living in his right arm. The "second year middle school" part references a concept called "chuunibyou", which comes from the light novel "Even with Chuunibyou, I Want to Fall in Love!", which heavily references "YuYu Hakusho". The concept of "chuunibyou" describes a particular stage in adolescence where individuals might hold delusional beliefs of grandeur, pretending to have secret knowledge or hidden powers. It's typically characterized by dramatic, over-the-top behavior, which is often a source of embarrassment later in life. This concept was vastly popularized by the anime, "Love, Chunibyo, and Other Delusions!"]
The Arch Lich shook his head.
- This is something neither you nor I can understand. But one thing is certain.
His eyes, previously dimly glowing red, now blazed with intensity.
Initially, he had merely thought of him as a powerful, albeit strange, human. Now, his perception had shifted.
Memories from decades ago flooded back, when he had roamed the planet in service to the King.
And the face of that human he had encountered on the day he fell into the River of Death.
'The Adversary.'
The human who had not only slain him but had also assassinated the King.
The Arch Lich tried to halt him but failed; he attempted to close the distance but could not bridge it. This human was the only one the Arch Lich had ever truly feared.
Amidst the tumult of battle with Jin Tae-Kyung, memories of that fearful day surfaced.
- You... will surely die here.
His voice, grim yet resolute, reverberated through the air.
Jin Tae-Kyung’s reply was dismissive and direct.
"What are you talking about, idiot?"
Then, in the blink of an eye,
"Eat this."
Whoosh. Boom!
With calm defiance, Jin Tae-Kyung unleashed a fist wreathed in blue flames, obliterating everything before it.
It met the barrier of black bones head-on.
Flame-Extinguishing Divine Fist.
Crack!
The seemingly impenetrable Bone Wall shattered.
Through the cloud of bone shards, Jin Tae-Kyung, his face impassive, declared,
"It's much better this way. No more neck pain."
- ...!
"Down, boy."
Pop!
Like a streak of lightning, his fist shot forward, connecting squarely with the Arch Lich’s jaw.
Previous Table of Contents Next
2024.06.01 15:24 raltobalto After going through two pregnancy losses, my wife is forbidding me from seeing friends who just gave birth
This might read more like a relationship advice post, so forgive me if this isn't the appropriate avenue, but I really need insight from people who have experienced this type of grief. This is a little long, so please bear with me.
10 months ago my wife and I (early 30s) lost our baby boy at 21 weeks due to TFMR. He was very much wanted and very much loved. It's been hard on both of us, but obviously my wife has been having a harder time. I've since returned to hobbies and friendships, but she has taken the route of isolation. Now, it feels like just about everyone we know is announcing pregnancies. Of course I'm reminded of what we should have and it makes me sad, but I'm also happy for those people and want to share in their joy. My wife, however, wants nothing to do with any of them. That's totally valid and she can do what she wants, but it does make sad that it feels like she's shut out most people in her life right now.
Just under two months ago, I told her that I was planning on attending my friends' baby shower. I've known these friends for almost 20 years, but she doesn't like them, and I try not to bring them up to her. I didn't expect her to be thrilled about me going, and I would certainly never expect her to go with me, but her reaction was far more explosive than I anticipated. She essentially forbade me from going as it would be too triggering for her and I was expected to know as much. The fact that I even brought it up told her I didn't care about her feelings and that I was putting my friends over her. If I decided to attend, she "would have to seriously think about our marriage". We had a huge fight but ultimately came to a compromise that I could take them to dinner in lieu of attending the shower. It was my understanding that the shower was the main sticking point and that anything after that was fine.
Just a couple days later, we found out we were pregnant again. Unfortunately, that joy was shortlived as we found out the pregnancy was ectopic after only two weeks. Thankfully we caught it early, and my wife's health is okay. The emotional pain isn't as severe as when we lost our son last year, but loss is loss, and the pain is still fresh. The baby shower came and went, and I wasn't in the mood to set up the dinner the time, so it never happened.
Fast forward another several several weeks and my friends have their baby. I inform my wife of the birth since I don't want her to get blindsided about it from somewhere else. She was upset I even told her, so I ask how to better navigate the situation to which she responds that I'm doing my best but she just wants them out of her life, by them "either moving away or dying." We fight again and it's apparently a problem that I got so hung up on her wording.
Almost two weeks later, I tell her I'm planning on visiting them. Again, I didn't expect her to be thrilled, but I thought we agreed everything sans baby shower was fine, and we even visited her sister's newborn shortly after our first loss, so I thought it would be more or less "okay". But her reaction was even more explosive than last time. My ears were ringing from the volume of her voice. More accusations of not giving a shit about her, putting everyone else above her, etc. Apparently during our last argument she said she'd need time after their birth, which is probably true but I'm sure I lost that detail among the heightened emotions. Once again she says she'd seriously rethink our marriage if I'm willing to ignore her feelings and visit them anyway. She says I can't see them until she's felt like she's processed the news of their birth. Not only that, I'm being told I'm not to acknowledge their existence or even text/talk on the phone with them if she's around. Since she's home all the time outside of work, my interactions with them are essentially to be limited to business hours. I ask how long this is supposed to last and she thinks it's unreasonable to ask for a timeframe on her healing, but maybe after we get back from a trip in two months at the earliest (which coincides with the anniversary of losing our son). She feels like she's being generous by even giving me an estimate.
She says she shouldn't be asked to sacrifice the progress she's made, but I feel like I'm the one being asked to make a sacrifice. I recognize that these things are triggering for her but I don't feel like it's my responsibility to help her avoid feeling this way by me not engaging in these big life moments. I've suggested that she get back into therapy but she says she's working through it on her own just fine and it's insulting to suggest that therapy is required to navigate her feelings. I've also suggested we get back into couples counseling but since she doesn't even want to acknowledge these friends and this situation, she says talking about it will only delay her healing.
I feel so lost. And like I'm in a box, with the walls slowly moving inward, crushing me. My friends are important to me and I want to celebrate these big moments in their lives, but I think I will lose my wife if I do so. She says there are other ways to celebrate them without being there in person, and if people who don't live close to each other can still celebrate and maintain friendships, I can too. Except these friends only live 20 minutes away. She says she'd never ask me to cut them out of my life but it feels like the goalposts keep moving closer and closer in that direction. How can I be sure that she won't change her mind about this in two months? Another close friend that I've known for even longer will be going through IVF in August and I'm terrified of how my relationship with them will be impacted if it's successful (at least she likes this friend).
I don't know what to do. We've both gone through something awful, but I'll never know the feeling of losing a child that I was carrying in my body. I know she's grieving (as I am still too), and I'm trying to be empathetic to that grief, but I think too much is being asked of me and I'm becoming resentful. She doesn't care if what she's asking is logical or not, she's my wife and she says I should put her first. I should just do it because she's asking. I want to reiterate that I think it's totally valid to have these feelings and I'm not trying to diminish them or try to get her to not feel them, but these feelings are now affecting me and my friendships. I also realize I'm presenting my biased view of events, but I'll try to answer questions if there are any.
Has anyone been through a similar loss and have any insight to give here? Am I not giving her enough grace during this time of pain?
submitted by raltobalto to GriefSupport [link] [comments]
10 months ago my wife and I (early 30s) lost our baby boy at 21 weeks due to TFMR. He was very much wanted and very much loved. It's been hard on both of us, but obviously my wife has been having a harder time. I've since returned to hobbies and friendships, but she has taken the route of isolation. Now, it feels like just about everyone we know is announcing pregnancies. Of course I'm reminded of what we should have and it makes me sad, but I'm also happy for those people and want to share in their joy. My wife, however, wants nothing to do with any of them. That's totally valid and she can do what she wants, but it does make sad that it feels like she's shut out most people in her life right now.
Just under two months ago, I told her that I was planning on attending my friends' baby shower. I've known these friends for almost 20 years, but she doesn't like them, and I try not to bring them up to her. I didn't expect her to be thrilled about me going, and I would certainly never expect her to go with me, but her reaction was far more explosive than I anticipated. She essentially forbade me from going as it would be too triggering for her and I was expected to know as much. The fact that I even brought it up told her I didn't care about her feelings and that I was putting my friends over her. If I decided to attend, she "would have to seriously think about our marriage". We had a huge fight but ultimately came to a compromise that I could take them to dinner in lieu of attending the shower. It was my understanding that the shower was the main sticking point and that anything after that was fine.
Just a couple days later, we found out we were pregnant again. Unfortunately, that joy was shortlived as we found out the pregnancy was ectopic after only two weeks. Thankfully we caught it early, and my wife's health is okay. The emotional pain isn't as severe as when we lost our son last year, but loss is loss, and the pain is still fresh. The baby shower came and went, and I wasn't in the mood to set up the dinner the time, so it never happened.
Fast forward another several several weeks and my friends have their baby. I inform my wife of the birth since I don't want her to get blindsided about it from somewhere else. She was upset I even told her, so I ask how to better navigate the situation to which she responds that I'm doing my best but she just wants them out of her life, by them "either moving away or dying." We fight again and it's apparently a problem that I got so hung up on her wording.
Almost two weeks later, I tell her I'm planning on visiting them. Again, I didn't expect her to be thrilled, but I thought we agreed everything sans baby shower was fine, and we even visited her sister's newborn shortly after our first loss, so I thought it would be more or less "okay". But her reaction was even more explosive than last time. My ears were ringing from the volume of her voice. More accusations of not giving a shit about her, putting everyone else above her, etc. Apparently during our last argument she said she'd need time after their birth, which is probably true but I'm sure I lost that detail among the heightened emotions. Once again she says she'd seriously rethink our marriage if I'm willing to ignore her feelings and visit them anyway. She says I can't see them until she's felt like she's processed the news of their birth. Not only that, I'm being told I'm not to acknowledge their existence or even text/talk on the phone with them if she's around. Since she's home all the time outside of work, my interactions with them are essentially to be limited to business hours. I ask how long this is supposed to last and she thinks it's unreasonable to ask for a timeframe on her healing, but maybe after we get back from a trip in two months at the earliest (which coincides with the anniversary of losing our son). She feels like she's being generous by even giving me an estimate.
She says she shouldn't be asked to sacrifice the progress she's made, but I feel like I'm the one being asked to make a sacrifice. I recognize that these things are triggering for her but I don't feel like it's my responsibility to help her avoid feeling this way by me not engaging in these big life moments. I've suggested that she get back into therapy but she says she's working through it on her own just fine and it's insulting to suggest that therapy is required to navigate her feelings. I've also suggested we get back into couples counseling but since she doesn't even want to acknowledge these friends and this situation, she says talking about it will only delay her healing.
I feel so lost. And like I'm in a box, with the walls slowly moving inward, crushing me. My friends are important to me and I want to celebrate these big moments in their lives, but I think I will lose my wife if I do so. She says there are other ways to celebrate them without being there in person, and if people who don't live close to each other can still celebrate and maintain friendships, I can too. Except these friends only live 20 minutes away. She says she'd never ask me to cut them out of my life but it feels like the goalposts keep moving closer and closer in that direction. How can I be sure that she won't change her mind about this in two months? Another close friend that I've known for even longer will be going through IVF in August and I'm terrified of how my relationship with them will be impacted if it's successful (at least she likes this friend).
I don't know what to do. We've both gone through something awful, but I'll never know the feeling of losing a child that I was carrying in my body. I know she's grieving (as I am still too), and I'm trying to be empathetic to that grief, but I think too much is being asked of me and I'm becoming resentful. She doesn't care if what she's asking is logical or not, she's my wife and she says I should put her first. I should just do it because she's asking. I want to reiterate that I think it's totally valid to have these feelings and I'm not trying to diminish them or try to get her to not feel them, but these feelings are now affecting me and my friendships. I also realize I'm presenting my biased view of events, but I'll try to answer questions if there are any.
Has anyone been through a similar loss and have any insight to give here? Am I not giving her enough grace during this time of pain?
2024.06.01 15:22 raltobalto After going through two losses, my wife is forbidding me from seeing friends who just gave birth
This might read more like a relationship advice post, so forgive me if this isn't the appropriate avenue, but I really need insight from people who have experienced this type of grief. This is a little long, so please bear with me.
10 months ago my wife and I (early 30s) lost our baby boy at 21 weeks due to TFMR. He was very much wanted and very much loved. It's been hard on both of us, but obviously my wife has been having a harder time. I've since returned to hobbies and friendships, but she has taken the route of isolation. Now, it feels like just about everyone we know is announcing pregnancies. Of course I'm reminded of what we should have and it makes me sad, but I'm also happy for those people and want to share in their joy. My wife, however, wants nothing to do with any of them. That's totally valid and she can do what she wants, but it does make sad that it feels like she's shut out most people in her life right now.
Just under two months ago, I told her that I was planning on attending my friends' baby shower. I've known these friends for almost 20 years, but she doesn't like them, and I try not to bring them up to her. I didn't expect her to be thrilled about me going, and I would certainly never expect her to go with me, but her reaction was far more explosive than I anticipated. She essentially forbade me from going as it would be too triggering for her and I was expected to know as much. The fact that I even brought it up told her I didn't care about her feelings and that I was putting my friends over her. If I decided to attend, she "would have to seriously think about our marriage". We had a huge fight but ultimately came to a compromise that I could take them to dinner in lieu of attending the shower. It was my understanding that the shower was the main sticking point and that anything after that was fine.
Just a couple days later, we found out we were pregnant again. Unfortunately, that joy was shortlived as we found out the pregnancy was ectopic after only two weeks. Thankfully we caught it early, and my wife's health is okay. The emotional pain isn't as severe as when we lost our son last year, but loss is loss, and the pain is still fresh. The baby shower came and went, and I wasn't in the mood to set up the dinner the time, so it never happened.
Fast forward another several several weeks and my friends have their baby. I inform my wife of the birth since I don't want her to get blindsided about it from somewhere else. She was upset I even told her, so I ask how to better navigate the situation to which she responds that I'm doing my best but she just wants them out of her life, by them "either moving away or dying." We fight again and it's apparently a problem that I got so hung up on her wording.
Almost two weeks later, I tell her I'm planning on visiting them. Again, I didn't expect her to be thrilled, but I thought we agreed everything sans baby shower was fine, and we even visited her sister's newborn shortly after our first loss, so I thought it would be more or less "okay". But her reaction was even more explosive than last time. My ears were ringing from the volume of her voice. More accusations of not giving a shit about her, putting everyone else above her, etc. Apparently during our last argument she said she'd need time after their birth, which is probably true but I'm sure I lost that detail among the heightened emotions. Once again she says she'd seriously rethink our marriage if I'm willing to ignore her feelings and visit them anyway. She says I can't see them until she's felt like she's processed the news of their birth. Not only that, I'm being told I'm not to acknowledge their existence or even text/talk on the phone with them if she's around. Since she's home all the time outside of work, my interactions with them are essentially to be limited to business hours. I ask how long this is supposed to last and she thinks it's unreasonable to ask for a timeframe on her healing, but maybe after we get back from a trip in two months at the earliest (which coincides with the anniversary of losing our son). She feels like she's being generous by even giving me an estimate.
She says she shouldn't be asked to sacrifice the progress she's made, but I feel like I'm the one being asked to make a sacrifice. I recognize that these things are triggering for her but I don't feel like it's my responsibility to help her avoid feeling this way by me not engaging in these big life moments. I've suggested that she get back into therapy but she says she's working through it on her own just fine and it's insulting to suggest that therapy is required to navigate her feelings. I've also suggested we get back into couples counseling but since she doesn't even want to acknowledge these friends and this situation, she says talking about it will only delay her healing.
I feel so lost. And like I'm in a box, with the walls slowly moving inward, crushing me. My friends are important to me and I want to celebrate these big moments in their lives, but I think I will lose my wife if I do so. She says there are other ways to celebrate them without being there in person, and if people who don't live close to each other can still celebrate and maintain friendships, I can too. Except these friends only live 20 minutes away. She says she'd never ask me to cut them out of my life but it feels like the goalposts keep moving closer and closer in that direction. How can I be sure that she won't change her mind about this in two months? Another close friend that I've known for even longer will be going through IVF in August and I'm terrified of how my relationship with them will be impacted if it's successful (at least she likes this friend).
I don't know what to do. We've both gone through something awful, but I'll never know the feeling of losing a child that I was carrying in my body. I know she's grieving (as I am still too), and I'm trying to be empathetic to that grief, but I think too much is being asked of me and I'm becoming resentful. She doesn't care if what she's asking is logical or not, she's my wife and she says I should put her first. I should just do it because she's asking. I want to reiterate that I think it's totally valid to have these feelings and I'm not trying to diminish them or try to get her to not feel them, but these feelings are now affecting me and my friendships. I also realize I'm presenting my biased view of events, but I'll try to answer questions if there are any.
Has anyone been through a similar loss and have any insight to give here? Am I not giving her enough grace during this time of pain?
submitted by raltobalto to babyloss [link] [comments]
10 months ago my wife and I (early 30s) lost our baby boy at 21 weeks due to TFMR. He was very much wanted and very much loved. It's been hard on both of us, but obviously my wife has been having a harder time. I've since returned to hobbies and friendships, but she has taken the route of isolation. Now, it feels like just about everyone we know is announcing pregnancies. Of course I'm reminded of what we should have and it makes me sad, but I'm also happy for those people and want to share in their joy. My wife, however, wants nothing to do with any of them. That's totally valid and she can do what she wants, but it does make sad that it feels like she's shut out most people in her life right now.
Just under two months ago, I told her that I was planning on attending my friends' baby shower. I've known these friends for almost 20 years, but she doesn't like them, and I try not to bring them up to her. I didn't expect her to be thrilled about me going, and I would certainly never expect her to go with me, but her reaction was far more explosive than I anticipated. She essentially forbade me from going as it would be too triggering for her and I was expected to know as much. The fact that I even brought it up told her I didn't care about her feelings and that I was putting my friends over her. If I decided to attend, she "would have to seriously think about our marriage". We had a huge fight but ultimately came to a compromise that I could take them to dinner in lieu of attending the shower. It was my understanding that the shower was the main sticking point and that anything after that was fine.
Just a couple days later, we found out we were pregnant again. Unfortunately, that joy was shortlived as we found out the pregnancy was ectopic after only two weeks. Thankfully we caught it early, and my wife's health is okay. The emotional pain isn't as severe as when we lost our son last year, but loss is loss, and the pain is still fresh. The baby shower came and went, and I wasn't in the mood to set up the dinner the time, so it never happened.
Fast forward another several several weeks and my friends have their baby. I inform my wife of the birth since I don't want her to get blindsided about it from somewhere else. She was upset I even told her, so I ask how to better navigate the situation to which she responds that I'm doing my best but she just wants them out of her life, by them "either moving away or dying." We fight again and it's apparently a problem that I got so hung up on her wording.
Almost two weeks later, I tell her I'm planning on visiting them. Again, I didn't expect her to be thrilled, but I thought we agreed everything sans baby shower was fine, and we even visited her sister's newborn shortly after our first loss, so I thought it would be more or less "okay". But her reaction was even more explosive than last time. My ears were ringing from the volume of her voice. More accusations of not giving a shit about her, putting everyone else above her, etc. Apparently during our last argument she said she'd need time after their birth, which is probably true but I'm sure I lost that detail among the heightened emotions. Once again she says she'd seriously rethink our marriage if I'm willing to ignore her feelings and visit them anyway. She says I can't see them until she's felt like she's processed the news of their birth. Not only that, I'm being told I'm not to acknowledge their existence or even text/talk on the phone with them if she's around. Since she's home all the time outside of work, my interactions with them are essentially to be limited to business hours. I ask how long this is supposed to last and she thinks it's unreasonable to ask for a timeframe on her healing, but maybe after we get back from a trip in two months at the earliest (which coincides with the anniversary of losing our son). She feels like she's being generous by even giving me an estimate.
She says she shouldn't be asked to sacrifice the progress she's made, but I feel like I'm the one being asked to make a sacrifice. I recognize that these things are triggering for her but I don't feel like it's my responsibility to help her avoid feeling this way by me not engaging in these big life moments. I've suggested that she get back into therapy but she says she's working through it on her own just fine and it's insulting to suggest that therapy is required to navigate her feelings. I've also suggested we get back into couples counseling but since she doesn't even want to acknowledge these friends and this situation, she says talking about it will only delay her healing.
I feel so lost. And like I'm in a box, with the walls slowly moving inward, crushing me. My friends are important to me and I want to celebrate these big moments in their lives, but I think I will lose my wife if I do so. She says there are other ways to celebrate them without being there in person, and if people who don't live close to each other can still celebrate and maintain friendships, I can too. Except these friends only live 20 minutes away. She says she'd never ask me to cut them out of my life but it feels like the goalposts keep moving closer and closer in that direction. How can I be sure that she won't change her mind about this in two months? Another close friend that I've known for even longer will be going through IVF in August and I'm terrified of how my relationship with them will be impacted if it's successful (at least she likes this friend).
I don't know what to do. We've both gone through something awful, but I'll never know the feeling of losing a child that I was carrying in my body. I know she's grieving (as I am still too), and I'm trying to be empathetic to that grief, but I think too much is being asked of me and I'm becoming resentful. She doesn't care if what she's asking is logical or not, she's my wife and she says I should put her first. I should just do it because she's asking. I want to reiterate that I think it's totally valid to have these feelings and I'm not trying to diminish them or try to get her to not feel them, but these feelings are now affecting me and my friendships. I also realize I'm presenting my biased view of events, but I'll try to answer questions if there are any.
Has anyone been through a similar loss and have any insight to give here? Am I not giving her enough grace during this time of pain?
2024.06.01 15:17 steven4869 Golden Time was frustrating to watch
I have seen fair share of rom-coms from the past decade and Golden Time was in my PTW for quite a long time, finally got some time and decided to watch it. Initial premise was fascinating, characters being in college was something refreshing and cast seemed interesting. But I couldn't be more wrong, everything went downhill in the second half and weird ass ending soured everything about the story.
First of all the entire ship of Koko and Banri seemed so toxic, she changes her opinions over everything instantly and never seem to be on a right track. But above all her constant yelling was just difficult to watch. I can understand the author using it as a flaw to make her a better character but it didn't work for me and felt more like half hearted attempt which didn't get proper conclusion. [Spoilers]I just hated how Koko broke up with Banri, author depicts them as adults who can solve their issued with mutual understanding and talking it out, how she trusts Banri but everything was all of a sudden gone and she started treating him as a friend with no proper reason to him. Like what happened to her character growth.
Secondly, characters gets some role but they never get to finish their part of the story. It's like the story is filled with poor plot twists and piror story gets forgotten due to that. This show has a lot of arguments but never seem to conclude in a proper way. For Instance [spoilers]How Linda and Mistuo all of a sudden became friendly especially how Linda wasn't comfortable with Mitsuo, Oka being mad at Banri then it got resolved easily, Mitsuo having heated argument with Banri but everything is fine with laughs and how the story main plot twist was solved with a single mail. Why does Linda suddenly choose to confess "Yes" to Banri as he's running to meet Kouko? Why does his original personality even come back when it chose to let go? Everything happens so quickly in this series and it breaks all the tension.
Lastly, I felt extremely cheated by this series, because they spend so much time "developing" the characters. But by the end, everything is solved magically. All the solution to their problems doesn't come by hardships but it comes magically, through spontaneous and sudden laughter and tears. Absolutely ridiculous, they took 20 epsiodes to make you believe that these issues are present in the story but nothing ever mattered. I was planning to watch Sakurasou, but for some reason went with Golden Time. Hopefully Sakurasou will heal me from the frustrating experience.
I'd love to know their opinions about Golden time and if I am the only one who felt like that with GT.
submitted by steven4869 to anime [link] [comments]
First of all the entire ship of Koko and Banri seemed so toxic, she changes her opinions over everything instantly and never seem to be on a right track. But above all her constant yelling was just difficult to watch. I can understand the author using it as a flaw to make her a better character but it didn't work for me and felt more like half hearted attempt which didn't get proper conclusion. [Spoilers]I just hated how Koko broke up with Banri, author depicts them as adults who can solve their issued with mutual understanding and talking it out, how she trusts Banri but everything was all of a sudden gone and she started treating him as a friend with no proper reason to him. Like what happened to her character growth.
Secondly, characters gets some role but they never get to finish their part of the story. It's like the story is filled with poor plot twists and piror story gets forgotten due to that. This show has a lot of arguments but never seem to conclude in a proper way. For Instance [spoilers]How Linda and Mistuo all of a sudden became friendly especially how Linda wasn't comfortable with Mitsuo, Oka being mad at Banri then it got resolved easily, Mitsuo having heated argument with Banri but everything is fine with laughs and how the story main plot twist was solved with a single mail. Why does Linda suddenly choose to confess "Yes" to Banri as he's running to meet Kouko? Why does his original personality even come back when it chose to let go? Everything happens so quickly in this series and it breaks all the tension.
Lastly, I felt extremely cheated by this series, because they spend so much time "developing" the characters. But by the end, everything is solved magically. All the solution to their problems doesn't come by hardships but it comes magically, through spontaneous and sudden laughter and tears. Absolutely ridiculous, they took 20 epsiodes to make you believe that these issues are present in the story but nothing ever mattered. I was planning to watch Sakurasou, but for some reason went with Golden Time. Hopefully Sakurasou will heal me from the frustrating experience.
I'd love to know their opinions about Golden time and if I am the only one who felt like that with GT.
2024.06.01 15:10 New_Selection_4503 Husband of 20 years is probably cheating on me
Husband of 20 years is probably cheating on me. So here it goes, sll of my dirty secrets.
I, 45f been married to my husband 46, male for over 20 years to a man I met in my early 20’s. We have been very best friends since the day we met but it has been a rocky relationship. I am from an abusive alcoholic family and I was for a time blissfully an alcoholic along with the family. This of coarse was problematic when looking for a date. More than one boyfriend broke up with me because I drank too much, partied too hard and studied too little. Cue in my dream man, he’s responsible, well educated and a heavy drinker. We partied all night and he got up the next day, no matter how hungover and went to work. My mom said that this is normal, it’s how it’s supposed to be. If a man makes it to work everyday then he’s not an alcoholic. By her definition, only a man who misses work can be accused of drinking too much.
I married this replica of my father and for many blissful years we were married and we partied and drank. We’d drink a bottle or two of wine a few nights a week and on weekends we’d stay up all night, often having parties at our home. It was grand fun, until we had kids. All of the sudden I had to handle night feedings and morning diaper changes while tipsy, drunk or hungover. It didn’t take me long to quit, I had already quit for 9 months while pregnant and I had gotten the idea that life is better sober. But my partner didn’t agree. He was drunk most nights while I was pregnant. When I got annoyed and asked him to quit he hid the bottles. I had a second child with him in spite of the drinking (I wanted a matching set), not my best decision but I don’t regret it. When I was at the hospital he looked exhausted so I sent him home to rest. He went home and drank himself into a stupor. My mom had to drive me home from the hospital and when we got home, he was passed out on the living room floor. He slept for another 10 hours like that and he was drunk the entire first week of my daughter’s life. I had to ask my mom to help care for her since I’d had complications with the birth and had over 30 stitches.
His drinking went on for years with me going from kicking him out of the home to drinking with him. Often I would plead with him to quit and he’d refuse. On 4 occasions we separated, each time selling our home and dividing the property. But he’d get sober and he was always very sorry. At this point we had two kids and I needed the help.
Over time things got better and he went years and years without drinking. I had quit altogether after our first child. In fact things go so much better that he asked to start drinking again. He rationalized that he had been sober for 5 years and that he can handle one of two drinks a week. I agreed under the following terms, he can have up to two drinks with dinner once a week. I know this is a terrible decision, I think it’s fair to say that there is a pattern here of gawd awful decisions on my part. This 2 drink agreement lasted a few months but of course two drinks turned into 3, then it turned into a couple nights a week. I saw it was getting out of hand and I banned drinking again.
In the meantime my partner has gotten substantially better looking. It’s through a combination of favourable genetics, some recent work done and some excellent supplements. He aged well going from a 6.5 in his 20’s to a current day 8.5. More than that he’d recently opened a business and it was booming. For the first time in our married life he started to out earn me. For the first 20 years I was the primary wage earner, but now he’s making the more than me (this is temporary as my wage is about to pick up). The woman are noticing him and It’s not lost on me or him. We went to Mexico last year and women were practically following him around and throwing themselves at him. We go out to eat and woman hit on him. They hit on him at the grocery store and they hit on him at work. To his credit he does not respond to this in front of me or the kids. Nor have I ever heard of him hitting on somebody.
I’m a solid 7 - 7.5. I’ve aged okay, I look decent, I’m maybe a little heavier as size 10. But I’m not a hot young thing giggling at him. I am a wife and a mother, so not always sexy, but still quite a lot prettier than average. But realistically on the open market, I’m probably not attracting an 8.5 that earns his kind of money.
About 8 months ago he started coming home from work drunk. He was hiding it but I could smell the booze on his breath. He claimed it was heartburn but I knew better and I ignored it. I just wanted everything to be okay. There was a woman he was working with, he claimed to hate her, she seemed overly interested in him. There were a few incidents, that made me suspicious but he claimed he hated her. He was never home late from work. She moved away and he seemed fine and I was relieved. But a few months after this the drinking started, along with my denial. I guess I kinda figured that who cares if he cheated, she moved away. Now we can get on with our lives.
Recently he’s coming home from work late, but not too late. It’s an hour late here and there. Sometimes he’d claim that he’d have to stay an extra hour. A few times he went completely missing and claimed to have fallen asleep at the office. The problem is that I don’t really know his hours, it’s possible he’s done earlier. For context, he is self employed and rents a space. But other people rent spaces there too,
He’s been coming home drunker and drunker lately while still denying he’s been drinking. I’m ashamed to admit it but I ignored it to the point where I let him drive the kids a few times like that. I was just so far into denial, but I knew somewhere deep down that he was drunk.
He’s normally off work at 5pm and in the car by 5:10pm. But lately he’s not in the car until 5:45pm, ignoring my calls and sometimes coming into the house as late as 6pm. I mean it’s only 45 minutes right? A few times he’d go missing until 7:30 or 8pm and he’d say that he hate a late client appointment and had told me but I forgot. Strangely he’s never hungry when he gets home, in spite of being at work all day. In fact he’s not hungry 2 - 3 times a week. He told me that his stomach is bothering him.
Last night he went missing so I went to his office to look for him. I found him asleep in his office alone with an empty bottle of hard alcohol on his desk. I checked his office drawer and it was full of empty bottles. The office is a disaster, messy and all that. I’m not sure how he sees clients in a room like that and I’m worried that he’s taking appointments drunk. His business is doing really well and building it up was a joint effort. I’m worried that his drinking will destroy everything we built.
I woke him up and he was visibly drunk. He told me that he wants to stay at the office to sleep it off and that no he doesn’t want to talk about it and he didn’t come home. It’s been 6 hours. The thing is, that he hates sleeping in his work clothes and his office is desperately uncomfortable. I just don’t see him staying there overnight alone.
When the drinking flared up 6 months ago, it was just him drinking alone. But when he was sober he was still my best friend. But over time he’s stopped responding when I speak. He tells me that he drinks because he can’t stand to listen to my problems anymore. If I ask him about his day I get a one word answer. More and more he looks at me with contempt while drinking. But even stranger, he wants sex more often, I don’t know why this is. But he’s weird about it and hounding me. He’s going on and on about how to wants to try a sex position we’ve never done, talking about how much he likes it. He’s also looking over my shoulder and checking my phone, which is new. it’s intrusive as I don’t even know his passcode and feel no temptation to check his phone.
He gets paid in cash and has a drawer full of it at the office so I can’t check his cards.
Now I know what you are going to say. He’s definitely cheating, I mean he probably is. But we live in a no fault place so what does it matter if I get proof or not? Also I have two kids to think of and we aren’t in a financial position to leave. I will need time to pay down our joint debt and I need a new job. I’m thinking that the best course of action is to stay silent and improve my situation so that I can support my kids and myself. I think this works for him too as he doesn’t want to get stuck with all sorts of child support or alimony. Giving me time to get back on my feet and improve my financial position works for both of us.
The thing is that if I even bring up getting divorced or separated he says that I am the light of his life. He says that he loves me and that I’m his best friend. He says that he doesn’t want to leave. Then I feel so badly. If I even broach the topic of separating, he’ll shut it down so quickly. He’s overwhelming and persistent and he out talks me. I think there’s no use in talking it out and I don’t see us living together well under some sort of “arrangement”.
Do you have any advice on what to do next? Do you have any idea why he’s acting this way? If he wants to separate why not just do it? Also what’s with the increased sex drive?
One of the oddities is that I’ve been doing really great lately. I’ve lost some weight, my hair is looking good. My business sucks but I’ve been taking on new gigs and retraining. I’m becoming a person that I’m really proud of and every day seems to be getting better. But the better I do, the more contempt he seems to have for me. I can see the bitterness in his drunkenness. And he gets drunks on nights when I have to work and when I have something important going on. He blames the drinking on me. He says that I only talk about myself (maybe I do, I’m trying to improve). He says that I ask too much of him and that I make him contribute to the house too much but I do 100% of the grocery shopping, cooking, lunches, school stuff, homework and kids activities. He comes home and goes straight to bed while complaining that he’s doing too much. Meanwhile I’m breaking myself trying to make the home perfect enough.
Is there any chance that he’s just old and tired and not cheating? I mean he’s only missing for 45 minutes a day? I should mention that he’s stopped answering my calls during the workday and stopped reading my texts.
The weird thing is that I felt relieved to find him surrounded by booze bottles and I’m glad he’s done tonight. I’ve spent the majority of my adult life begging him to be sober. Tonight I could see the contempt in his eyes towards me. I just don’t know that I can move past it. I think I just want to be free from this now.
Do you have any advice? I’ve never been through anything like this and I could use some support and guidance.
I think that taking 4 - 6 months to resolve the situation might be best. This gives me time to find a new job and to pay down some debt and bolster savings.
submitted by New_Selection_4503 to u/New_Selection_4503 [link] [comments]
I, 45f been married to my husband 46, male for over 20 years to a man I met in my early 20’s. We have been very best friends since the day we met but it has been a rocky relationship. I am from an abusive alcoholic family and I was for a time blissfully an alcoholic along with the family. This of coarse was problematic when looking for a date. More than one boyfriend broke up with me because I drank too much, partied too hard and studied too little. Cue in my dream man, he’s responsible, well educated and a heavy drinker. We partied all night and he got up the next day, no matter how hungover and went to work. My mom said that this is normal, it’s how it’s supposed to be. If a man makes it to work everyday then he’s not an alcoholic. By her definition, only a man who misses work can be accused of drinking too much.
I married this replica of my father and for many blissful years we were married and we partied and drank. We’d drink a bottle or two of wine a few nights a week and on weekends we’d stay up all night, often having parties at our home. It was grand fun, until we had kids. All of the sudden I had to handle night feedings and morning diaper changes while tipsy, drunk or hungover. It didn’t take me long to quit, I had already quit for 9 months while pregnant and I had gotten the idea that life is better sober. But my partner didn’t agree. He was drunk most nights while I was pregnant. When I got annoyed and asked him to quit he hid the bottles. I had a second child with him in spite of the drinking (I wanted a matching set), not my best decision but I don’t regret it. When I was at the hospital he looked exhausted so I sent him home to rest. He went home and drank himself into a stupor. My mom had to drive me home from the hospital and when we got home, he was passed out on the living room floor. He slept for another 10 hours like that and he was drunk the entire first week of my daughter’s life. I had to ask my mom to help care for her since I’d had complications with the birth and had over 30 stitches.
His drinking went on for years with me going from kicking him out of the home to drinking with him. Often I would plead with him to quit and he’d refuse. On 4 occasions we separated, each time selling our home and dividing the property. But he’d get sober and he was always very sorry. At this point we had two kids and I needed the help.
Over time things got better and he went years and years without drinking. I had quit altogether after our first child. In fact things go so much better that he asked to start drinking again. He rationalized that he had been sober for 5 years and that he can handle one of two drinks a week. I agreed under the following terms, he can have up to two drinks with dinner once a week. I know this is a terrible decision, I think it’s fair to say that there is a pattern here of gawd awful decisions on my part. This 2 drink agreement lasted a few months but of course two drinks turned into 3, then it turned into a couple nights a week. I saw it was getting out of hand and I banned drinking again.
In the meantime my partner has gotten substantially better looking. It’s through a combination of favourable genetics, some recent work done and some excellent supplements. He aged well going from a 6.5 in his 20’s to a current day 8.5. More than that he’d recently opened a business and it was booming. For the first time in our married life he started to out earn me. For the first 20 years I was the primary wage earner, but now he’s making the more than me (this is temporary as my wage is about to pick up). The woman are noticing him and It’s not lost on me or him. We went to Mexico last year and women were practically following him around and throwing themselves at him. We go out to eat and woman hit on him. They hit on him at the grocery store and they hit on him at work. To his credit he does not respond to this in front of me or the kids. Nor have I ever heard of him hitting on somebody.
I’m a solid 7 - 7.5. I’ve aged okay, I look decent, I’m maybe a little heavier as size 10. But I’m not a hot young thing giggling at him. I am a wife and a mother, so not always sexy, but still quite a lot prettier than average. But realistically on the open market, I’m probably not attracting an 8.5 that earns his kind of money.
About 8 months ago he started coming home from work drunk. He was hiding it but I could smell the booze on his breath. He claimed it was heartburn but I knew better and I ignored it. I just wanted everything to be okay. There was a woman he was working with, he claimed to hate her, she seemed overly interested in him. There were a few incidents, that made me suspicious but he claimed he hated her. He was never home late from work. She moved away and he seemed fine and I was relieved. But a few months after this the drinking started, along with my denial. I guess I kinda figured that who cares if he cheated, she moved away. Now we can get on with our lives.
Recently he’s coming home from work late, but not too late. It’s an hour late here and there. Sometimes he’d claim that he’d have to stay an extra hour. A few times he went completely missing and claimed to have fallen asleep at the office. The problem is that I don’t really know his hours, it’s possible he’s done earlier. For context, he is self employed and rents a space. But other people rent spaces there too,
He’s been coming home drunker and drunker lately while still denying he’s been drinking. I’m ashamed to admit it but I ignored it to the point where I let him drive the kids a few times like that. I was just so far into denial, but I knew somewhere deep down that he was drunk.
He’s normally off work at 5pm and in the car by 5:10pm. But lately he’s not in the car until 5:45pm, ignoring my calls and sometimes coming into the house as late as 6pm. I mean it’s only 45 minutes right? A few times he’d go missing until 7:30 or 8pm and he’d say that he hate a late client appointment and had told me but I forgot. Strangely he’s never hungry when he gets home, in spite of being at work all day. In fact he’s not hungry 2 - 3 times a week. He told me that his stomach is bothering him.
Last night he went missing so I went to his office to look for him. I found him asleep in his office alone with an empty bottle of hard alcohol on his desk. I checked his office drawer and it was full of empty bottles. The office is a disaster, messy and all that. I’m not sure how he sees clients in a room like that and I’m worried that he’s taking appointments drunk. His business is doing really well and building it up was a joint effort. I’m worried that his drinking will destroy everything we built.
I woke him up and he was visibly drunk. He told me that he wants to stay at the office to sleep it off and that no he doesn’t want to talk about it and he didn’t come home. It’s been 6 hours. The thing is, that he hates sleeping in his work clothes and his office is desperately uncomfortable. I just don’t see him staying there overnight alone.
When the drinking flared up 6 months ago, it was just him drinking alone. But when he was sober he was still my best friend. But over time he’s stopped responding when I speak. He tells me that he drinks because he can’t stand to listen to my problems anymore. If I ask him about his day I get a one word answer. More and more he looks at me with contempt while drinking. But even stranger, he wants sex more often, I don’t know why this is. But he’s weird about it and hounding me. He’s going on and on about how to wants to try a sex position we’ve never done, talking about how much he likes it. He’s also looking over my shoulder and checking my phone, which is new. it’s intrusive as I don’t even know his passcode and feel no temptation to check his phone.
He gets paid in cash and has a drawer full of it at the office so I can’t check his cards.
Now I know what you are going to say. He’s definitely cheating, I mean he probably is. But we live in a no fault place so what does it matter if I get proof or not? Also I have two kids to think of and we aren’t in a financial position to leave. I will need time to pay down our joint debt and I need a new job. I’m thinking that the best course of action is to stay silent and improve my situation so that I can support my kids and myself. I think this works for him too as he doesn’t want to get stuck with all sorts of child support or alimony. Giving me time to get back on my feet and improve my financial position works for both of us.
The thing is that if I even bring up getting divorced or separated he says that I am the light of his life. He says that he loves me and that I’m his best friend. He says that he doesn’t want to leave. Then I feel so badly. If I even broach the topic of separating, he’ll shut it down so quickly. He’s overwhelming and persistent and he out talks me. I think there’s no use in talking it out and I don’t see us living together well under some sort of “arrangement”.
Do you have any advice on what to do next? Do you have any idea why he’s acting this way? If he wants to separate why not just do it? Also what’s with the increased sex drive?
One of the oddities is that I’ve been doing really great lately. I’ve lost some weight, my hair is looking good. My business sucks but I’ve been taking on new gigs and retraining. I’m becoming a person that I’m really proud of and every day seems to be getting better. But the better I do, the more contempt he seems to have for me. I can see the bitterness in his drunkenness. And he gets drunks on nights when I have to work and when I have something important going on. He blames the drinking on me. He says that I only talk about myself (maybe I do, I’m trying to improve). He says that I ask too much of him and that I make him contribute to the house too much but I do 100% of the grocery shopping, cooking, lunches, school stuff, homework and kids activities. He comes home and goes straight to bed while complaining that he’s doing too much. Meanwhile I’m breaking myself trying to make the home perfect enough.
Is there any chance that he’s just old and tired and not cheating? I mean he’s only missing for 45 minutes a day? I should mention that he’s stopped answering my calls during the workday and stopped reading my texts.
The weird thing is that I felt relieved to find him surrounded by booze bottles and I’m glad he’s done tonight. I’ve spent the majority of my adult life begging him to be sober. Tonight I could see the contempt in his eyes towards me. I just don’t know that I can move past it. I think I just want to be free from this now.
Do you have any advice? I’ve never been through anything like this and I could use some support and guidance.
I think that taking 4 - 6 months to resolve the situation might be best. This gives me time to find a new job and to pay down some debt and bolster savings.
2024.06.01 15:01 chozabex Plans always ruined
I (f21) am a very tightly wound person by nature. I have been really trying lately to be more relaxed and not let little things ruin my day that don't ultimately matter too much in the long run because it's not good for my mental health or my blood pressure. However, one thing that IS very important to me that I will not let go of because it genuinely DOES effect plans is time. I always plan to be somewhere like 15-30 minutes early depending on the event because that is how I was raised and it is always better. I have adhd and suffer from time blindness, so I understand not being good with this stuff but I know there are ways to keep yourself in check.
Sometimed it seems like my partner (23) is actively trying to ruin my day because he is constantly running behind. This person could get up an hour before he had to and somehow we will get there an hour late. It almost makes me want to leave him at home or tell him not to come with me. We are trying to go to pride today and I told him he needs to leave by 8:15 to get to my house in time at 9:15 because it takes 40 minutes to get to cleveland + a 20-30 minute walk from the parking to the parade. I've never got to see a real pride parade and I wanted to be there start to finish and was really excited about it and he knew that. First of all, he was supposed to come to my house last night but fell asleep until 8 and then "didn't feel like driving".
He fucking left his house at 8:50am. I called him at 8:15 and he was still in the shower and I know for a FACT that he was up at 7am. It's so frustrating that I feel like I have to police him because he doesn't fucking get moving. It's like.im trying to fight a 5 year old to get dressed and ready for school even if the event is something that he also is excited to attend. I'm so sick of it. It's the same no matter what I do. The only time he is ever even remotely on time is if he is coming to a family event where he has to be there in time to ride in the car with my family when my parents are driving, like he's afraid to keep them waiting. But if it's me, the girlfriend he is supposed to love and care for, it's fine, I can just sit on my ass staring at the wall an extra hour, no big deal. Even though I've been ready for the whole time. Ready before he even left his house to drive the 45 minutes here. Whatever.
submitted by chozabex to rant [link] [comments]
Sometimed it seems like my partner (23) is actively trying to ruin my day because he is constantly running behind. This person could get up an hour before he had to and somehow we will get there an hour late. It almost makes me want to leave him at home or tell him not to come with me. We are trying to go to pride today and I told him he needs to leave by 8:15 to get to my house in time at 9:15 because it takes 40 minutes to get to cleveland + a 20-30 minute walk from the parking to the parade. I've never got to see a real pride parade and I wanted to be there start to finish and was really excited about it and he knew that. First of all, he was supposed to come to my house last night but fell asleep until 8 and then "didn't feel like driving".
He fucking left his house at 8:50am. I called him at 8:15 and he was still in the shower and I know for a FACT that he was up at 7am. It's so frustrating that I feel like I have to police him because he doesn't fucking get moving. It's like.im trying to fight a 5 year old to get dressed and ready for school even if the event is something that he also is excited to attend. I'm so sick of it. It's the same no matter what I do. The only time he is ever even remotely on time is if he is coming to a family event where he has to be there in time to ride in the car with my family when my parents are driving, like he's afraid to keep them waiting. But if it's me, the girlfriend he is supposed to love and care for, it's fine, I can just sit on my ass staring at the wall an extra hour, no big deal. Even though I've been ready for the whole time. Ready before he even left his house to drive the 45 minutes here. Whatever.
2024.06.01 14:55 A_Seductive_Cactus Subreddit Stats - May 2024
RomanceBooks Insights - Subreddit Stats for May 2024
Welcome to the monthly subreddit stats update! See here for previous month's stats. Here's what we'll be sharing in this post:- Top 20 Books Mentioned
- Top 10 Authors Mentioned
- New & Rising Sub Favorites
- Top 20 Mentioned Books with Diverse MCs
- Most Mentioned Books by Pairing (MM and FF)
- Most Mentioned Books by Genre (Contemporary, Historical, Fantasy, SciFi)
May 2024 u/romance-bot activity:
- Total number of books linked: 16,476
- Total number of unique titles: 7,720
Top 20 Books Mentioned
Top 20 Authors Mentioned
| Top Authors | Count | |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Lisa Kleypas | 211 |
| 2 | Alice Coldbreath | 145 |
| 3 | Cate C. Wells | 133 |
| 4 | Kate Canterbary | 131 |
| 5 | S.J. Tilly | 126 |
| 6 | Ali Hazelwood | 122 |
| 7 | Tessa Bailey | 121 |
| 8 | Mariana Zapata | 117 |
| 9 | Cassandra Gannon | 107 |
| 10 | Abby Jimenez | 103 |
| 11 | Kyra Parsi | 96 |
| 12 | Ruby Dixon | 94 |
| 13 | Kathryn Moon | 92 |
| 14 | Emily Henry | 90 |
| 15 | Linda Howard | 89 |
| 16 | Penny Reid | 89 |
| 17 | Susan Elizabeth Phillips | 86 |
| 18 | Nora Roberts | 83 |
| 19 | Heather Guerre | 82 |
| 20 | Tessa Dare | 79 |
New Sub Favorites
Data is obtained by the u/romance-bot for the past month of activity and includes only books released within the past 3-months or upcoming releases. This is intended to give a view into the hot / rising books being mentioned in the sub.Top 20 Books with Diverse MCs
Most Mentioned Books by Pairing
Most Mentioned Books by Genre
| Contemporary | Count | |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Failure to Match by Kyra Parsi | 52 |
| 2 | Hans by S.J. Tilly | 46 |
| 3 | Butcher & Blackbird by Brynne Weaver | 45 |
| 4 | In a Jam by Kate Canterbary | 38 |
| 5 | Yours Truly by Abby Jimenez | 37 |
| 6 | Funny Story by Emily Henry | 36 |
| 7 | At First Spite by Olivia Dade | 33 |
| 8 | A Deal with the Bossy Devil by Kyra Parsi | 33 |
| 9 | Against A Wall by Cate C. Wells | 31 |
| 10 | Heated Rivalry by Rachel Reid | 30 |
🌵 Miscellaneous Cactus Thoughts...
- Is this the end of Ruby Dixon? Now that I've snagged your attention with that clickbait, I'm sad to report Ruby Dixon does not have a book in the Top 20, but also fell to #12 most mentioned author. Truly surprising given that she's been steadily in the top author spot almost every month for over a year! Are we seeing a shift away from the popularity of alien scifi romance, and what is it shifting to?
- Looking at the Top 20 books, there are four authors who are dominating: Kyra Parsi, Kate Canterbary, Ali Hazelwood, and Abby Jiminez all have two books in the Top 20. Kudos to them!
- Our Spring Reading Challenge is wrapping up soon - and we are holding a bonus June Read the Rainbow Challenge in honor of Pride month!
2024.06.01 14:46 Chai_Ky The Case of Kate Blackwell: The Unknown Part 3 (Finale)
11/20/2017
Log book of Det. Ryan Snow
Case #2798: The Appalachian Murders
When I woke up, I was in such a haze that I couldn’t make out where I was at first. My vision was a blur and all I could hear was the sounds of rushing water. I tried to move my limbs, but each muscle down to my little finger felt like lead weighing down on me, making it hard to breathe.
It felt like forever before the ringing in my ear was slowly swallowed out by a voice crying out from what sounded like a distance only to grow louder as it seemed to approach me from the void I had woken up in. It wasn’t until I heard my name that I recognized it was Kate’s voice, pleading and filled with tears.
I blinked away the blur, finding myself staring up at a water damaged ceiling, a single yellow light brightening the room. My head was pounding and my body still felt heavy, but I moved my head enough to turn and see where Kate was calling from. It took a moment, but I soon realized that she was lying on her back, strapped by her arms and legs to a metal table, looking to me with wide terrified eyes.
“Detective, please help!” She cried out. “Please don’t be dead! Please help me!”
“Bl-Black…Well…” I groaned out as I tried, painfully, to pick myself up off the stone floor, “Black…Well… Ah… Shit… Shit! Ms. Blackwell-“ I was gaining consciousness minute by minute as I finally took in the situation and got to my feet. However, the moment I had gotten to my feet and began running to Kate only to immediately fall back to the floor once again, my ankle getting caught by something heavy. I turned to see my ankle had been shackled to the floor by a cuff and chains. I searched my person to find my coat, along with my Glock had been taken, blood decorating my pants and sleeves. I placed a palm to my forehead to find blood when I lowered it down to look at the warm liquid slithering down from my scalp.
“Ms. Blackwell,” I returned my attention to her, examining what I could from my place on the floor, “are you alright, are you hurt?”
“I… I… I don’t… Don’t think so…” she managed to whine out.
“Where’s Mr. Raines?”
To this question, Kate looked away from me, sobbing being her only verbal response.
I went back to the shackles on my ankle and began trying to yank the chains off from the floor, but they had been well maintained and were too strong for me to simply yank out of the stone. I then quickly looked around the room to find we were in a different basement from the one in Cabin #3, though it had the same kind of layout, the table the only major difference. I also took note of the blood stains that trailed from the sides of the table and the dried pools below.
“I want my mom!” Kate cried out, her voice echoing in the empty room.
“I’ll get you to her, I will, I promise,” I assured her, trying to find something, anything to get us out of this, “do you remember how we got down here?”
“I… I… I just re-remember… Remember you g-getting knocked out… Knocked out by someone and them… Them putting a rag over me… Then everything went black… Then I woke… Woke up… H-Here…” Kate answered, trying to breathe with each sob she let out. “I… I th-thought… y-you… You were d-d-… Dead!”
“I’m not, I’m very much alive and I’m going to get you out of here and back to your parents,” I vowed as I continued looking for a way out of this situation, “we’re going to get you out of here, get you home, and we’ll make sure no one ever gets hurt here ever-“
The sound of the basement door from the splintered wooden steps cut me off. I listened as feet descended down the steps to the basement below, Kate’s ragged breaths the only other sound. The person who came down was a woman. The same exact woman from the photo I had found in her house. She looked as if she had not aged since that photo was taken, despite how long ago it seemed the photo was taken. She had the same exact long, white hair, same tired looking eyes, and same disgustingly pale skin as in that photo and on her profile picture. It was Mrs. Larson.
“Deeeeeetectiiiiiiive,” she spoke in a hoarse voice mixed with what I assumed was her own and several others, both male and female, adult and child, “youuuuuuu shouuuullld haaaaaaaaave juuuuuuusssssst giiiiiven herrrrrrr toooooo meeeeee… Youuuuuuuu diiiiiiiiid nooooooot haaaaaave toooooooo ssssssseeeee thiiiiiissssss…”
“Fuck you!” I shouted, beginning to charge at the elderly woman only to be yanked back by my shackles. “Let us go, right now!”
“Nnnnooooo,” Mrs. Larson replied harshly as she stepped over to loom over Kate.
“Stay away from her!” I barked, trying desperately to break free of my shackles.
She ignored me as she ran a shaky hand down along Kate’s trembling face. “Ooooooooohhhhh, Kaaaaaate… Sweeeeet, sweeeeeeeet, Kaaaaaaaaaate…” Mrs. Larson cooed as she went on stroking Kate’s wet cheek. “Doooooo noooooooot crrrrrrryyyyyyy, dooooooonnnnnn’t thiiiiiiiiiinnnnk oooooofff iiiiiiiit aaaaaaaassssss dyyyyyyyyiiiiinnnnng, thiiiiiiiiinnnk ooooooooffff iiiiiiit aaaaaassssss ssssssssaaaaaaaaaviiiiiiinnng aaaaaannnnoooootherrrrrrrrr liiiiiiiiife.”
“I-I… I d-don’t… Don’t under-understand… w-what th-that… That m-means…” Kate cried, her hands gripping the sides of the metal table beneath her, “P-Please, d-don’t… Don’t kill me… L-Let… Let us-us go!”
“Nnnnnoooooo,” Mrs. Larson answered in the same harshness she used on me, “IIIIIIIII neeeeeeeed youuuuuuuuuu,” she then shot a death glare my way through tired, silver eyes, “aaaaaaaannnnnnd heeeeeeeeee’ssssssss beeeeeeeeeennnnnn nnnnnnnoooooooothiiiiiiiiinnnnnng buuuuut aaaaaa thooooooorrrrrrnnnn iiiiiiinnnnn myyyyyyyyy ssssssssiiiiiiiide siiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnccccccce youuuuuu eeeeeessssssscaaaaaaped meeeeeeee.” She then looked back to Kate with a softer look. “Aaaaaaaassssss fffffoooooorrrrr whaaaaaaaat youuuuuuu caaaaaannnn’t uuuuuunnnnnnderrrrrrssssssstaaaaaaannnnnnd, IIIIIIIIII nnnnnneeeeeeed yourrrrrrrrrr heaaaaaaaarrrrrt tooooooo ssssssssaaaaaavvvvvvve myyyyyyy ssssssiiiiiiiisssssssterrrrrrrr.”
“The fuck does that mean?” I demanded, still trying to vain to pull my ankle from the chains. “How the hell will Kate’s heart save your sister?”
“Diiiiiiiiidnnnnnn’t nnnnnnneeeeeeed toooooo beeeee Kaaaaaaate’sssssss,” admitted Mrs. Larson, “buuuuuuuut sssshhhhhheeeeee hiiiiiiiiid theeeeee ooooooootherrrrr giiiiirrrrrrllllll ffffffrrrrroooooommmmm mmmmmeeeeee.”
“S-Son… Sonja…” Kate sniffed, the tears still streaming down her face.
“IIIIIIII oooooooonnnnnlllllyyyyy neeeeed fffffffeeeeeemmmmmaaaaallllle,” Mrs. Larson dismissed Ms. Greymoore’s name, “ffffffeeeeeeemmmmmaaaaaallllle heaaaaaaaarrrrrrrtsssss toooooo rrrrrrreeeeeetuuuuurrrrrrnnnnn mmmmmmyyyyy ssssiiiiissssssterrrrrrrrr toooooo theeeeeeee giiiiirrrrrllllll ssssshhhhhheeeee uuuuuuuusssssed tooooo beeeeeee.”
“That’s a fucking joke right?” I asked. “The hell makes you think eating a female heart will turn your sister back into a human woman? Have you seen what’s happened to your sister?”
“IIIIIIIII knnnnnnnooooooow beeeeeeecaaaauuuuusssssse iiiiiiiiiiit wooooooorrrrrked ooooooonnnnn mmmmmeeeeee,” Mrs. Larson explained, “IIIIIIIIIII waaaaaasssss aaaaaaablllllllle toooooo reeeeeeetaaaaiiiiiinnnnnn thiiiiiiiiiisssssss huuuuuummmmmmaaaaaannnnn fffffffooooorrrrrrmmmm ffffffrrrrrooooommmm eeeeeaaaaatiiiiiinnnnnng theeeeeeee heaaaaaaaaarrrrrtsssss, sssssspecifffffficaaaaaaallllllyyyyyy fffffffeeeeeemmmmmaaaaallllleeee sssssssooooooo IIIIIIIIII mmmmmmaaaaaayyyyyy rrrrrreeeeetuuuurrrrrnnnnn toooo beeeeeiiiiinnnng theeeeeeee giiiiiirrrrrrrllllll IIIIIII uuuuuuusssssed toooooooo beeeeeee.”
“You were dead,” I pointed out, “they found your body up here, you were buried.”
“Theeeeeessssssse sssshhhhheeeeeellllllsssss arrrrrrre mmmmmeeeeeerrreeeellllyyy veeeeeessssssellllllssssss ffffffoooooorrrrrr theeeeeeee sssssspiiiiirrrrriiiiiitsssss weeeee hiiiiiiiiiiide beeeeeneeeeaaaaattthhhh,” Mrs. Larson responded, finally turning her gaze to me, “IIIIIIII haaaaaaad tooooooo maaaake peeeopllllle beeeelieevvvve IIIIIII haaaaaad diiiiiiied tooooo keeeeeep frrrrroooommm theeeee poooooollllliiiiicccce ffffrrrrrrooooommmm pooookiiiiiinnnng aaaaarrrrouuuuuunnnnd aaaaannnnnd rrrrruuuiiinnnnniiinnnng eeeevvvveeerrrrryyythiiiiinnnng.”
“So, let me just get this whole thing straight,” I began as I started rubbing my temples, "when you and your sister starting into… Whatever the hell that thing you call your sister is-“
“Ooooouuuurrrrr sssssspiiiiiirrrrrriiiiiit,” Mrs. Larson corrected.
“Whatever!” I shot. “You found out that eating female hearts turns you two back into human women and to keep police from suspecting you, you pretended to be dead and… What? Just hope a shitty real estate agency would buy your property and you could just… Kill people, people with lives and families outside the mountains?”
“Thaaaaaaaat iiiiiiisssss cooooorrrrrreeeeect…” Mrs. Larson admitted, narrowing her eyes at me.
That’s when I began laughing hysterically, holding my sides that hurt with each harsh breath of a laugh I took. Both Mrs. Larson and Kate looked to me as if I had lost my mind and at this point I was starting to believe I had. Everything I had seen and heard about this entire case would put anyone in the looney bin. And I’m the damn fool who dug too deep into something he had nothing to do with.
“Whaaaaaat’s ssssoooo ffffuuunnnny?” Growled Mrs. Larson, stepping around Kate to stand between us.
“I don’t know what’s fucking funnier, honestly,” I chuckled, running a hand through my hair, “the fact that you thing people won’t be poking around even more when they discover not only is Blackwell missing, but so is a detective and escaped convict all of whom now have ties to these fucking mountains and those cabins, or that you thing I’m more afraid of what you plan on doing with me more than I am when her father finds out I got her in this situation in the first place!”
“Heeeeeee wooooonnnnn’t beeeee aaaaabllllle toooooo doooo aaaaaannnnnyyyyythiiiiiinnnng aaaaaaafffffterrrrrrr IIIIIIIII’mmmmm dooooooonnnne wiiiiiiiith booooooth ooooooooffffff youuuuuuuuu,” Mrs. Larson hissed as she inched closer, “fffffffiiiiiiirrrrrrssssst, IIIIIIIII waaaaaannnnnt youuuuuuuu toooo waaaaaatch mmmmmeeeee kiiiiiiillllll herrrrrrr,” she turned her head to look to Kate who was now just shaking, her eyes seemingly gone dry from the crying, Mrs. Larson then looked back to me, “sssssseeeeecooooonnnnd, IIIIIIII wiiiiillllll ssssssaaaaave youuuuu fffffooooorrrr mmmmmmyyyyy sssssiiiiiisssssterrrrr, oooooonnnnne heeeeaaaaart wiiiiilllll nnnnoooot ssssssaaaaaatissssfffffyyyy herrrr huuuuuunnnnnger.” She took another step. “Uuuuuuuunnnnnllllliiiiiike sssssssoooooommmme ssssssiiiiiibllllliiiiiiinnnnnngsssss, IIIIIIIII caaaaaarrrre aaaaaaboooouuuuut mmmmmmyyyyy ffffffaaaammmmiiiiilllllyyyyyy.”
She stared into my eyes, expecting a reaction and while my blood did somewhat boil at the accusatory statement, I didn’t fully understand what she was getting at. Not until she used that voice. Not until she relived that day with those two familiar child-like voices.
“Screw you, Liam!” She cried out in a voice I remember from my childhood. “I hope you drop dead!”
“Stop.” I demanded.
“Piss off, Ryan!” She shot back in a second boy’s voice.
“I said stop!” I began shouting.
“Help me, Ryan! Please, help me! I’m sorry! Please, Lucky Dime, help me!”
I then lunged toward her, reaching my hands out toward her neck only to be stopped by the shackles as she swiftly, almost without even moving, stepped just out of my reach.
“Fucking bitch!” I screamed out.
“If only you really cared about me, Lucky Dime,” sighed Mrs. Larson as she turned and began making her way to the side of the room where a cart stood in the shadows. She pulled it over to Kate’s side, the cart covered in rusted medical tools.
“P-Please,” Kate wheezed, “p-p-please… I… I d-d-don’t w-want… Want t-to d-d… D-Die, I… I w-w-want m-m-m… My m-mom!”
“Dooooonnn’t woooorrrrryyyyy,” Mrs. Larson soothed, using that mix of different voices, “mmmmmmaaaayyyyybeeee sheeee wiiiillll cooooommmme loooookinnnng ffffooooorrrr yooouuuuu aaaaannnnnd sheeeeeee caaaaannnnn joooooiiiiiinnnn youuuuuuu.”
Kate began to sob, begging and pleading for Mrs. Larson to let her go, thrashing around in her restraints. Telling the older woman that there was no saving her sister and that she was too far gone for this sick ritual to work anymore. I tried to yank at the chains once more, trying to loosen it at least enough to break free and grab at Mrs. Larson.
“Rrrrrrreeeeellllllaaaaax,” Mrs. Larson ordered as she began filling a syringe with some kind of clear liquid from a small bottle, “yoooouuuuuu woooooonnnn’t eeeeeveeennn fffffeeeellll iiiiiiit, thiiiissssss wiiiiiillllll puuuuuut youuuuu toooo ssssssllllllleeeeeep aaaaaannnnnnd wheeeeeennnnnn youuuuuu waaaaaake uuuuuuuup, youuuuuuu’lllllll beeee iiiiiinnnnnn heeeeeaaaaaaveeeennnnn… Uuuuuunnnnnnnllllllessssss youuuuuuu weeeerrrrrrre aaaaaa haaaaaarrrrrlllllooooooot, iiiiiiinnnnnn whiiiiiiiich caaaaaassssssseeeee, mmmmmaaaayyyy Goooooood haaaaaaaave mmmmmmmmerrrrrrrcccccyyyyy ooooonnnnn youuuuuur ssssssoooouuuuullllll… Aaaaannnnnd baaaaaaasssssed ooooonnnn hoooooow youuuuuu drrrrressss aaaaannnnnd theeeee coooommmmpaaaannnnyyyy youuuuuu keeeeeep,” She added as she eyed me, “IIIIIII ssssssaaaaaayyyy youuuuu haaaaaave aaaaa lllllloooooot ooooooffff fooooooorrrrgiiiiiviiiiinnnnng tooooo dooooo.”
Kate continued to cry as Mrs. Larson pushed the needle of the syringe into her arm, pushing down on the plunger as it pierced the flesh. Kate’s loud screams soon turned quieter and her red eyes began to glaze over, but she continued to stay awake, tightening her grip on the table and still begging to be let go.
“IIIIII waaaaannnnt youuuuu toooo waaaaatch, Detective,” Mrs. Larson spat out my title in Mr. Blackwell’s voice, “IIIII waaaaannnnnt youuuuu toooo waaaaatch herrrrrr fffffaaaaaade aaaaaannnnnnd mmmmmeeeee rrrrreeeemmmmooooove heerr heeeaaaarrrrrt toooooo ffffffeeeeeed tooooo mmmmmmyyyyyy ssssssiiiiiiiissssssterrrrrr,” she then pulled out a recorder, “theeeeennnnnn wheeeeeennnnn IIIIIII ssssssuuuuummmmoooooonnnnn herrrrrrr aaannnnd sheeeee fffffiiiinnnniiiishessssss oooooofffffff heeeerrrrr heeeaaaaarrrrrt, youuuuuuu’llllllll beeeeee neeeeeext.”
“Fuck you,” I snarled, “I hope you and your sister burn.”
“IIIIIIIII’mmmmm gooooonnnnnaaaaa gooooo aaaaallllllerrrrrrt mmmmmyyyyy ssssssiiiiiiissssterrrrrr,” Mrs. Larson turned and began making her way to the basement steps, “ssssseeee youuuuu boooooth ffffffoooooorrrr diiiiiinnnnnnerrrrrrr.”
She then pressed the play button on her recorder and a small, little girl’s voice echoed in the room before Mrs. Larson vanished up the steps.
“I’m here… I’m here… I’m here…”
Then the door slammed shut.
“De… Tec… Tive…” Kate squeaked out, her breathing slowing.
“Stay awake, Blackwell,” I ordered her gently, looking around frantically for anything to get us both out of this alive, “I’ll get us out of this, I promise, just stay awake, we’ll get out of here, I just need-“
“I’m… S… Sorry…” she breathed out. “I’m… So… Sorry… For… Get… Getting… You… In… To.. This…”
“No, no, this is not your fault!” I assured her. “That psychotic bitch got us both into this shit and I won’t stop until I get us out and put her and her fucking sister are six feet under!”
“W…Wha… What… H… Hap… Happened… To… To L… Liam…?”
I stopped struggling with the chains and turned to look to Kate. Her head was turned to me, her face wet, hands clenching as hard as they could to the table beneath her, the light in her eyes slowly fading second by second. She was trying desperately to stay awake. The medication Mrs. Larson taking hold of her as the minutes ticked by.
I dropped the chains that were in my hands, looking away from her, wanting to stare at anything other than another person I had failed.
“He was killed,” I answered, “we were fishing at a lake nearby… Lake Gaagige… We got into a really stupid ass fucking fight about how which fishing pole we were going to use. I wanted to use our dad’s, but Liam was older and said only men could use dad’s fishing pole… I told him… To drop dead and stormed off… When I got home, my parents dragged me back to the lake and scolded me for leaving him…” I trailed off, swallowing all the tears and screams I’d bottled up since that day. “When… We found… Him… The autopsy… Said he was mauled by a bear… I’ve blamed myself for leaving him there alone… For letting him die and getting killed like that… The last thing I ever told him was to drop dead… I was a shitty brother and now I’m a shitty detective…”
“Is… Is he… Why… You became… A… Detective…?”
I took a deep breath and swallowed the tears again. “No, Blackwell,” I answered, “he’s not why I became a detective… I already knew what had killed him… It was my fault… If I hadn’t been such a brat and stormed off… He might still be alive… And now… What that bitch said…” I replayed Liam’s screams that escaped Mrs. Larson’s mouth. “I’m starting to think I’m getting what I deserve. Karma’s back to kick my ass…”
“H… How… Old…?”
“I was six… Liam was eight…”
“N… N… Not your… F… Fault…”
I turned to look to Kate, her eyes on mine, however faded.
“Y… You were… Only… A k… Kid…”
I took another intake of what little air there was down in that basement. I had spent years trying to convince myself of the same thing, but those moments never got easier for me when those thoughts returned.
“I think you’re just being nice,” I laughed painfully, “but I’m afraid I- and my folks- don’t share the same sentiment.”
I was staring down at where the chains were coming from in the ground, Kate not saying a word for over a couple of minutes. I spun to see if she had fallen asleep and immediately tried to find out how to wake her up again. However, once I our eyes met, I saw that she was still fighting sleep, the last of her tears rolling down across the bridge of her nose and into her hair.
“I… I… I had… Had a c… Crush… O… On… J… Jasper…” she confessed, her voice getting quieter and higher. “P… Paul and… And Son… Sonja knew… I never… Never c… Cared f… For Luke… But I’m… Sure… S… Sonja t… Told him…” she looked like she was going to sob again. “I… I never g… Got the… Ch… Chance… T… To tell J… Jasper… I… Was… Scared… He… He and… P… Paul were friends… And I… I kn… Knew… How P… Paul f… Felt… A… About m… Me… I… I did… Didn’t wa… Want to… R… Ruin… Anyth… Anything…” She took a gulp of air. “I… I ha… Hated L… Luke… I… A… Always… Kn… Knew… He… He was a… Player… B… But Sonja… Said… Said she was hap… Happy… So… So I did… Didn’t wa… Want to g… Get in… H… Her way… B… But Luke d… Didn’t l… Like h… How cl… Close… We… Were… I d… Didn’t w… Want him to make… Make her th… Think I… I was l… Leading her o… On… T… To get them… To b… Break up… Th… Then… That n… Night… Sh… She w… Wanted to… To leave…” She let out two pained gasps of breath. “I… I let them down… I let them all down… Luke pro… Probably thought… Thought I w… Was the one who… Who f… Filled Sonja’s mind… With thoughts of… Of him ch… Cheating… Th… Then I… I got them… All killed…
I… I didn’t deserve them, d… Detective…” she went on, looking away from me to stare up at the water damaged ceiling, “I… I… I was a… Terrible… Terrible friend…”
“Did you read their guest book entries?” I asked.
“N… No… D… Didn’t w… Want to… To r… Read any… Anything p… Private…” Kate answered.
“Jasper didn’t blame you,” I assured her, remembering what he had written in his entry during his time watching Mrs. Larson just outside the cabin, “even when he heard the voices- when he heard Mrs. Larson- telling him to, he didn’t. I don’t think the others blamed you either. You didn’t do anything wrong, Ms. Blackwell, there’s no way you could have known any of this would happen.”
“K… Kate…”
“What?”
“C… Call… Call me… Kate…”
“Aright, Kate,” I let out what little laughter I had left inside me, “so long as we’re the last people we’ll be chatting with, call me Ryan.”
“R… Ryan…”
“If we at all live through this, I’m going to need a long vacation after this,” I said as I turned to look at my shackles again, looking around myself to try finding anything to Get free since a vacation sounded like something to die for at that moment, “do you know any good vacation spots I can book for the fall?”
“Y… You’re… You’re a… Dick…” Kate struggled to laugh.
“I also enjoy pineapple on pizza,” I winked as I reached down to my ankle, ready to break it just to taste that sweet combination of tomato sauce and fruit.
“G… God… I… I c… Can’t… Believe… I th… Thought y… You w… Were c… Cute…”
I sat down on the floor, grabbing my ankle with both my hands. Needing to hype myself up enough to do what I was going to do, I began removing my shoe and sock from the foot, rubbing and squeezing my way up and down the ankle to my toes. I had never broken a bone in my life before this and I definitely never thought I’d do it of my own volition, but this was a desperate time and it definitely called for desperate…
“Wait what?” I turned to look to Kate, finally registering what she had said.
However, just before I could be sure of what I heard, the sound of a hunting rifle going off just above our heads right before we heard the door to the basement swing open and immediately be slammed shut. Both Kate and I turned to see someone stumble down the wooden steps, his clothes torn and body scratched and cut to a nearly deadly degree. I was even shocked he was still breathing.
“M… Mr… R… Raines…?” Kate gasped out.
“What’s left of me at least,” Mr. Raines grumbled as he limped over to Kate and quickly began undoing her straps to the table, “damn thing almost ripped my head off, but one swing of the barrel to its eye and I was able to get away… Can’t say it didn’t do its damage though… I’m… Getting really fucking hungry…”
He shook his head violently before limping over to me. He then raised an eyebrow at me when he saw how I was positioned still on the floor with a bare foot in my hands shackled to the floor.
“I… I was… I… I thought you were-“ I stammered.
“I am,” Mr. Raines interrupted, “at least, I’m on my way there anyway.” He then retrieved my Glock from his back pocket. “I don’t know what that thing did to me, but I’m not gonna make it out of this alive, or the way I came in. It’s a massacre out there by the way. Lot of men in blue bodies out there… Very… Hard to ignore… Sure more will be on their way. So.”
With that, Mr. Raines pointed at my chains and pulled the trigger on my clock, barely giving me time to cover my ears as the sound rung out loudly in the basement. I shook my head, trying to undo the blurry and ringing side effects of the sound of a gun going off near your head. I gave the older man a glare before standing and snatching my Glock from his hands. That’s when I saw Kate shifting herself to the side of the metal table she was no longer tied to, trying to get her limbs to comply with her to help her off and on to the floor.
I ran over and grabbed her just as she nearly stumbled face first to the floor and lifted her up to her feet, her body heavy with lack of keeping herself up.
“Do you think you can walk?” I asked, trying to keep her on her feet.
“I… I don’t… I…” Kate stammered as she tried to push herself off of me while also using using me as a crutch until she could stand on her own. However, she didn’t seem to be able to put any kind of pressure on her legs without falling down.
“Kate?” A girl’s voice called out from above us.
Feeling Kate shudder, I realized that it must have been the sound of Sonja’s voice and Mrs. Larson was using her to keep Kate from running. I quickly swung my arm down behind her knees, pressing the other down on her back as I lifted her up off the floor, my Glock at the ready as I kept it pointed in front of me while my arm held up Kate’s knees.
“She must have heard the gunshots,” I pointed out, “how’d you get past her in the first place?”
“I set the other cabins on fire,” Mr. Raines answered as if it were the simplest of answers, “I had to distract her somehow and give those bodies she’d been eating a better fate than becoming her shit.”
“Are you planning on setting this place on fire too?” I asked.
“‘Course I am!” Mr. Raines exclaimed, seemingly offended I’d even ask. “I already doused it in gasoline, I ain’t wasting all that time!”
“Kate!” Sonja’s voice cried out, getting closer to the basement door. “Are you seriously leaving me here to die alone again!”
“Please… Make it… Stop…” Kate sniffed as she gripped my shirt and burying her face into the fabric.
“Let’s get you two out of here.” Mr. Raines began leading the way to the basement stairs, cocking his rifle as he did so.
“What about you?” I asked, immediately following after him.
Mr. Raines didn’t answer as he stomped up the stairs and kicked the door open to the first floor of the cabin. The stench of the gasoline he had spilled hitting me harshly in my face.
“Kate!” Sonja’s voice, along with a different crescendo of male voices shrieked out as Mrs. Larson appeared from the corner of the hallway where the basement was located.
“Leighton?” A different woman’s voice asked the moment the old woman’s eyes spotted Mr. Raines. I then watched in both shock and confusion as it almost looked like the very skin on the woman melted off to reveal a much younger woman. The woman I recognized as Bonnie Collins. “Leighton… Love is that you?”
Mr. Raines kept his rifle on the vision of the woman he once loved before her murder, but didn’t move or speak.
“Darling, I’ve missed you so much!” The fake Bonnie cried out as she began making her way to Mr. Raines with arms open wide to hug him.
Mr. Raines then lifted his gun up higher, placing his finger on the trigger which caused the vision to stop in her place.
“Leighton?” The fake Bonnie asked. “Baby, it’s me… Bun-Bun… Don’t you recognize me…?” She began to tear up.
“You’re not my Bunny,” Mr. Raines growled before he shot once at the woman.
The fake Bonnie swiftly dodged the bullet, an inhuman hiss coming from an unhinged mouth, revealing a row of long, sharp teeth. The skin of Bonnie then melted off to reveal another woman, a lot younger than the first one it intimidated. The face of one of the victims upon being brought on this case.
“Kate,” the fake Sonja called out, “Kate, what are you doing? Who are these men? Why are they trying to hurt me?”
Kate let out a sobbing gasp, her nails digging into my shoulder with her arm wrapped around my neck.
“Didn’t I suffer enough?” The fake Sonja asked. “First my boyfriend and now you? Why don’t you want to be with me anymore?”
“Shut up!” Kate demanded. “You’re not Sonja! You killed her, you killed all of them! I don’t care what happens to me, but I’m not letting their memories end with you!”
Kate then snatched my Glock from my hand under her legs and shot directly at the fake Sonja’s head. Again the shot missed as the fake vision of the girl slithered out of the way, a frustrated growl of a dog and human escaping it’s mouth. It then zipped to the side, cowering with its back to us on the floor.
“Lucky dime…” A child’s voice then took over. The vision’s skin melting now to a much smaller figure. “Is this what you want? To kill me all over again?” He turned to look up at me, Liam’s face forever eight-years-old staring up at me. “It’s no wonder mommy and daddy hate you now… You were always a shitty brother… Now, I’m gonna starve to death because you’d rather help a couple of strangers.”
“I’m sorry, Liam,” I replied, everyone, including the fake Liam looking to me in surprise, “I left you alone out here and that’s what got you killed by that thing out there and I’m sorry. But, if I’d stayed it may have been both of us and then mom and dad would have no one left to blame but each other. If you had left and I was the one killed, you’d probably be in my shoes instead. I’m sorry for letting you get killed, but I’m gonna make up for it now.”
I then took my Glock back from Kate and pointed it to the vision of Liam.
“Good bye, Liam.”
I shot the gun once again, missing the creature again, however, this time I just kept shooting, Mr. Raines following after. Our different bullets just kept firing, the thing dodging and trying to get closer to us. The creature screeched out at us in a myriad of different voices both familiar and unknown. It wasn’t until one shot from my Glock struck the creatures shoulder and Mr. Raines’ rifle struck its head when the skins of everyone it was trying to turn into all melted off, revealing Mrs. Larson once again.
However, this time, she looked shriveled, older than she looked before. Her face looked deformed, beginning to grow furry, her eyes growing nothing but red, no irises, no pupils, just red. Her hair grew longer, branches like antlers growing painfully out from her skull, breaking the skin as they grew larger. The lower half of her face grew elongated, turning into that of a muzzle of fangs and a drooling mouth.
“You… All… Have no rrrrrrriiiiiight!” A different, unknown voice snarled out from what used to be Mrs. Larson. “People liiiiiike you all… Abandoned me and myyyyyyyyy sister!” The fur growing around this thing grew out short and shaggy, the cloths it was using melting off with the skin and flesh it was wearing. It now didn’t look anything like a human woman. It now took the form of a large wolf mixed with that of a deer, it’s body dog-like with hooves, antlers, and a long, scraggly tail. “You lot abandoned us here! You left us all here to diiiiiiiie!”
Guilt was weighing down on me with each syllable it was growling. Kate looked away from it, burying her face in my neck as Mr. Raines lowered his rifle.
“Nooooow, you’re bringing more here to just leave and let die out here!” It went on, it’s horrifying, broken body shuddering. “Why let them just vanish and die up here when they can bring people like my sister and I back? Give me Kate’s heart and fix what you threeeeeeeeee failed!”
Mr. Raines then handed over his rifle to Kate, placing it down on her stomach as her hands were still wrapped around my neck. The older man made his way over to stand over the thing, its neck creaking like a rusted door as it turned its wolf-like head to look up at him.
“Leighton…” Bonnie’s voice came from the creature. “Give mmmmeeeee her heart aaaannnnd we can be togetherrrrr again… If you eat the deeeeeetective’s we can saaaaaave you tooooooo…”
“My Bunny’s dead,” Mr. Raines told it as he dug in his pocket and took out a carton of matches, “and so am I.”
“You’d burn your wife?” A mix of Bonnie and Mrs. Larson’s voices shrieked as it glared at the match he took from the match box.
“You’re not my wife,” Mr. Raines told it, “and I’ll never see her again.”
“Fooooooool,” Mr. Larson’s voice chuckled, “you’llllllll killllllll us both!”
“With the shit I’ve done in my life, I know you’re taking me to Hell with you,” Mr. Raines growled back as he struck the match on the box, “so I’m sure as fuck not afraid to burn here on Earth with you!”
Mr. Raines then dropped the match to the floor right before the creature and everything around the two of them immediately went up in flames, the fur of the creature catching quickly and engulfing it. An agonized shriek echoed out all around us, the creature thrashing in the fire it had gotten swallowed up in. Mr. Raines then grabbed it by it’s long, furry throat and swung it down back flat the floor, jumping to pin it down.
“Get out!” Mr. Raines cried out to me. “Leave here!”
Not needing to be told twice, I held onto Kate tightly and bolted past the two burning bodies, jumping over the fire as it began growing fast throughout the cabin. I quickly got to the front door and stopped to look back to see Mr. Raines fighting the creature and preventing it from coming after us, it begging for me to bring Kate back and that it would die without her.
“I’ll clear your name,” I called back, trying not to reel back in horror as I saw Mr. Raines skin begin to melt off, “I’ll let people know you didn’t kill Bonnie!”
“I’ll let people know you didn’t… Kill… Liam!” Mr. Raines’ voice called back, him thrashing around with Mrs. Larson as he said my brother’s name in my voice.
I turned back and kicked the front door open, rushing Kate out of the burning cabin. I ran until I got far enough from the smoke, turning back to see all three cabins now on fire, the area around them all ablaze. The only place untouched was Mrs. Larson’s house, all the evidence remaining. I could hear sirens in the distance coming closer. The sounds of shouts from the surviving officers sounding much closer.
“I’m here… I’m here… I’m here…”
I looked to the front porch of Mrs. Larson’s house where her recorder continued to call out for her sister. I set Kate down at the base of a nearby tree and ran to snatch the recorder, shutting it off. I searched around, looking for any signs of Prudence, but it appeared that the fire and the sounds of sirens and voices had scared her off. I ran back to Kate, her eyes closed and her not responding to me calling to her, but after checking her pulse and breathing, I found that the medication Mrs. Larson had given her had finally taken over and she was now fast asleep, the rifle Mr. Raines gave her still sitting on her rhythmically rising and falling stomach.
Letting out a sigh of relief, I leaned against the same tree I set Kate down on and slid down to the ground next to her. The first two cabins were already practically nothing but ash, the last still blazing as I heard the slowly fading screams of Mrs. Larson and Mr. Raines coming from inside.
When the screaming ended all together, the smoke turning blacker as it rose from the flames, I got to my feet and took out my pack of cigarettes as I approached the fires, staying far enough away not to get burned. I opened the pack up before stopping myself as I reached for one of the ten remaining cigarettes inside. I then flung the entire carton into the fires without taking one.
“Save one for me down there, you old bastard,” I told Mr. Raines before making my way back to Kate’s side.
It wasn’t long before the remaining officers found us, looking in confusion at the fires and to me with a sleeping victim in a homicide case on the ground. I told them we’d need to call an ambulance for Kate and that we needed to keep the flames from getting to Mrs. Larson’s house as it held evidence on the case. One officer retrieved his radio and called for an ambulance while a group ran to the house and another went to try controlling the fire as best they could by yanking out any bushes near by and throwing them away from the area around the house.
Luckily, the fire trucks were called long before the fire spread too far, residence noticing it practically the moment Mr. Raines set the first cabin on fire.
As I sat there, keeping Kate held up against the tree we sat under, I listened to the crackling of the fire, the sirens of fast approaching fire trucks and the ambulance, and the sounds of distance, coyote, almost human, howling.
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Log book of Det. Ryan Snow
Case #2798: The Appalachian Murders
When I woke up, I was in such a haze that I couldn’t make out where I was at first. My vision was a blur and all I could hear was the sounds of rushing water. I tried to move my limbs, but each muscle down to my little finger felt like lead weighing down on me, making it hard to breathe.
It felt like forever before the ringing in my ear was slowly swallowed out by a voice crying out from what sounded like a distance only to grow louder as it seemed to approach me from the void I had woken up in. It wasn’t until I heard my name that I recognized it was Kate’s voice, pleading and filled with tears.
I blinked away the blur, finding myself staring up at a water damaged ceiling, a single yellow light brightening the room. My head was pounding and my body still felt heavy, but I moved my head enough to turn and see where Kate was calling from. It took a moment, but I soon realized that she was lying on her back, strapped by her arms and legs to a metal table, looking to me with wide terrified eyes.
“Detective, please help!” She cried out. “Please don’t be dead! Please help me!”
“Bl-Black…Well…” I groaned out as I tried, painfully, to pick myself up off the stone floor, “Black…Well… Ah… Shit… Shit! Ms. Blackwell-“ I was gaining consciousness minute by minute as I finally took in the situation and got to my feet. However, the moment I had gotten to my feet and began running to Kate only to immediately fall back to the floor once again, my ankle getting caught by something heavy. I turned to see my ankle had been shackled to the floor by a cuff and chains. I searched my person to find my coat, along with my Glock had been taken, blood decorating my pants and sleeves. I placed a palm to my forehead to find blood when I lowered it down to look at the warm liquid slithering down from my scalp.
“Ms. Blackwell,” I returned my attention to her, examining what I could from my place on the floor, “are you alright, are you hurt?”
“I… I… I don’t… Don’t think so…” she managed to whine out.
“Where’s Mr. Raines?”
To this question, Kate looked away from me, sobbing being her only verbal response.
I went back to the shackles on my ankle and began trying to yank the chains off from the floor, but they had been well maintained and were too strong for me to simply yank out of the stone. I then quickly looked around the room to find we were in a different basement from the one in Cabin #3, though it had the same kind of layout, the table the only major difference. I also took note of the blood stains that trailed from the sides of the table and the dried pools below.
“I want my mom!” Kate cried out, her voice echoing in the empty room.
“I’ll get you to her, I will, I promise,” I assured her, trying to find something, anything to get us out of this, “do you remember how we got down here?”
“I… I… I just re-remember… Remember you g-getting knocked out… Knocked out by someone and them… Them putting a rag over me… Then everything went black… Then I woke… Woke up… H-Here…” Kate answered, trying to breathe with each sob she let out. “I… I th-thought… y-you… You were d-d-… Dead!”
“I’m not, I’m very much alive and I’m going to get you out of here and back to your parents,” I vowed as I continued looking for a way out of this situation, “we’re going to get you out of here, get you home, and we’ll make sure no one ever gets hurt here ever-“
The sound of the basement door from the splintered wooden steps cut me off. I listened as feet descended down the steps to the basement below, Kate’s ragged breaths the only other sound. The person who came down was a woman. The same exact woman from the photo I had found in her house. She looked as if she had not aged since that photo was taken, despite how long ago it seemed the photo was taken. She had the same exact long, white hair, same tired looking eyes, and same disgustingly pale skin as in that photo and on her profile picture. It was Mrs. Larson.
“Deeeeeetectiiiiiiive,” she spoke in a hoarse voice mixed with what I assumed was her own and several others, both male and female, adult and child, “youuuuuuu shouuuullld haaaaaaaaave juuuuuuusssssst giiiiiven herrrrrrr toooooo meeeeee… Youuuuuuuu diiiiiiiiid nooooooot haaaaaave toooooooo ssssssseeeee thiiiiiissssss…”
“Fuck you!” I shouted, beginning to charge at the elderly woman only to be yanked back by my shackles. “Let us go, right now!”
“Nnnnooooo,” Mrs. Larson replied harshly as she stepped over to loom over Kate.
“Stay away from her!” I barked, trying desperately to break free of my shackles.
She ignored me as she ran a shaky hand down along Kate’s trembling face. “Ooooooooohhhhh, Kaaaaaate… Sweeeeet, sweeeeeeeet, Kaaaaaaaaaate…” Mrs. Larson cooed as she went on stroking Kate’s wet cheek. “Doooooo noooooooot crrrrrrryyyyyyy, dooooooonnnnnn’t thiiiiiiiiiinnnnk oooooofff iiiiiiiit aaaaaaaassssss dyyyyyyyyiiiiinnnnng, thiiiiiiiiinnnk ooooooooffff iiiiiiit aaaaaassssss ssssssssaaaaaaaaaviiiiiiinnng aaaaaannnnoooootherrrrrrrrr liiiiiiiiife.”
“I-I… I d-don’t… Don’t under-understand… w-what th-that… That m-means…” Kate cried, her hands gripping the sides of the metal table beneath her, “P-Please, d-don’t… Don’t kill me… L-Let… Let us-us go!”
“Nnnnnoooooo,” Mrs. Larson answered in the same harshness she used on me, “IIIIIIIII neeeeeeeed youuuuuuuuuu,” she then shot a death glare my way through tired, silver eyes, “aaaaaaaannnnnnd heeeeeeeeee’ssssssss beeeeeeeeeennnnnn nnnnnnnoooooooothiiiiiiiiinnnnnng buuuuut aaaaaa thooooooorrrrrrnnnn iiiiiiinnnnn myyyyyyyyy ssssssssiiiiiiiide siiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnccccccce youuuuuu eeeeeessssssscaaaaaaped meeeeeeee.” She then looked back to Kate with a softer look. “Aaaaaaaassssss fffffoooooorrrrr whaaaaaaaat youuuuuuu caaaaaannnn’t uuuuuunnnnnnderrrrrrssssssstaaaaaaannnnnnd, IIIIIIIIII nnnnnneeeeeeed yourrrrrrrrrr heaaaaaaaarrrrrt tooooooo ssssssssaaaaaavvvvvvve myyyyyyy ssssssiiiiiiiisssssssterrrrrrrr.”
“The fuck does that mean?” I demanded, still trying to vain to pull my ankle from the chains. “How the hell will Kate’s heart save your sister?”
“Diiiiiiiiidnnnnnn’t nnnnnnneeeeeeed toooooo beeeee Kaaaaaaate’sssssss,” admitted Mrs. Larson, “buuuuuuuut sssshhhhhheeeeee hiiiiiiiiid theeeeee ooooooootherrrrr giiiiirrrrrrllllll ffffffrrrrroooooommmmm mmmmmeeeeee.”
“S-Son… Sonja…” Kate sniffed, the tears still streaming down her face.
“IIIIIIII oooooooonnnnnlllllyyyyy neeeeed fffffffeeeeeemmmmmaaaaallllle,” Mrs. Larson dismissed Ms. Greymoore’s name, “ffffffeeeeeeemmmmmaaaaaallllle heaaaaaaaarrrrrrrtsssss toooooo rrrrrrreeeeeetuuuuurrrrrrnnnnn mmmmmmyyyyy ssssiiiiissssssterrrrrrrrr toooooo theeeeeeee giiiiirrrrrllllll ssssshhhhhheeeee uuuuuuuusssssed tooooo beeeeeee.”
“That’s a fucking joke right?” I asked. “The hell makes you think eating a female heart will turn your sister back into a human woman? Have you seen what’s happened to your sister?”
“IIIIIIIII knnnnnnnooooooow beeeeeeecaaaauuuuusssssse iiiiiiiiiiit wooooooorrrrrked ooooooonnnnn mmmmmeeeeee,” Mrs. Larson explained, “IIIIIIIIIII waaaaaasssss aaaaaaablllllllle toooooo reeeeeeetaaaaiiiiiinnnnnn thiiiiiiiiiisssssss huuuuuummmmmmaaaaaannnnn fffffffooooorrrrrrmmmm ffffffrrrrrooooommmm eeeeeaaaaatiiiiiinnnnnng theeeeeeee heaaaaaaaaarrrrrtsssss, sssssspecifffffficaaaaaaallllllyyyyyy fffffffeeeeeemmmmmaaaaallllleeee sssssssooooooo IIIIIIIIII mmmmmmaaaaaayyyyyy rrrrrreeeeetuuuurrrrrnnnnn toooo beeeeeiiiiinnnng theeeeeeee giiiiiirrrrrrrllllll IIIIIII uuuuuuusssssed toooooooo beeeeeee.”
“You were dead,” I pointed out, “they found your body up here, you were buried.”
“Theeeeeessssssse sssshhhhheeeeeellllllsssss arrrrrrre mmmmmeeeeeerrreeeellllyyy veeeeeessssssellllllssssss ffffffoooooorrrrrr theeeeeeee sssssspiiiiirrrrriiiiiitsssss weeeee hiiiiiiiiiiide beeeeeneeeeaaaaattthhhh,” Mrs. Larson responded, finally turning her gaze to me, “IIIIIIII haaaaaaad tooooooo maaaake peeeopllllle beeeelieevvvve IIIIIII haaaaaad diiiiiiied tooooo keeeeeep frrrrroooommm theeeee poooooollllliiiiicccce ffffrrrrrrooooommmm pooookiiiiiinnnng aaaaarrrrouuuuuunnnnd aaaaannnnnd rrrrruuuiiinnnnniiinnnng eeeevvvveeerrrrryyythiiiiinnnng.”
“So, let me just get this whole thing straight,” I began as I started rubbing my temples, "when you and your sister starting into… Whatever the hell that thing you call your sister is-“
“Ooooouuuurrrrr sssssspiiiiiirrrrrriiiiiit,” Mrs. Larson corrected.
“Whatever!” I shot. “You found out that eating female hearts turns you two back into human women and to keep police from suspecting you, you pretended to be dead and… What? Just hope a shitty real estate agency would buy your property and you could just… Kill people, people with lives and families outside the mountains?”
“Thaaaaaaaat iiiiiiisssss cooooorrrrrreeeeect…” Mrs. Larson admitted, narrowing her eyes at me.
That’s when I began laughing hysterically, holding my sides that hurt with each harsh breath of a laugh I took. Both Mrs. Larson and Kate looked to me as if I had lost my mind and at this point I was starting to believe I had. Everything I had seen and heard about this entire case would put anyone in the looney bin. And I’m the damn fool who dug too deep into something he had nothing to do with.
“Whaaaaaat’s ssssoooo ffffuuunnnny?” Growled Mrs. Larson, stepping around Kate to stand between us.
“I don’t know what’s fucking funnier, honestly,” I chuckled, running a hand through my hair, “the fact that you thing people won’t be poking around even more when they discover not only is Blackwell missing, but so is a detective and escaped convict all of whom now have ties to these fucking mountains and those cabins, or that you thing I’m more afraid of what you plan on doing with me more than I am when her father finds out I got her in this situation in the first place!”
“Heeeeeee wooooonnnnn’t beeeee aaaaabllllle toooooo doooo aaaaaannnnnyyyyythiiiiiinnnng aaaaaaafffffterrrrrrr IIIIIIIII’mmmmm dooooooonnnne wiiiiiiiith booooooth ooooooooffffff youuuuuuuuu,” Mrs. Larson hissed as she inched closer, “fffffffiiiiiiirrrrrrssssst, IIIIIIIII waaaaaannnnnt youuuuuuuu toooo waaaaaatch mmmmmeeeee kiiiiiiillllll herrrrrrr,” she turned her head to look to Kate who was now just shaking, her eyes seemingly gone dry from the crying, Mrs. Larson then looked back to me, “sssssseeeeecooooonnnnd, IIIIIIII wiiiiillllll ssssssaaaaave youuuuu fffffooooorrrr mmmmmmyyyyy sssssiiiiiisssssterrrrr, oooooonnnnne heeeeaaaaart wiiiiilllll nnnnoooot ssssssaaaaaatissssfffffyyyy herrrr huuuuuunnnnnger.” She took another step. “Uuuuuuuunnnnnllllliiiiiike sssssssoooooommmme ssssssiiiiiibllllliiiiiiinnnnnngsssss, IIIIIIIII caaaaaarrrre aaaaaaboooouuuuut mmmmmmyyyyy ffffffaaaammmmiiiiilllllyyyyyy.”
She stared into my eyes, expecting a reaction and while my blood did somewhat boil at the accusatory statement, I didn’t fully understand what she was getting at. Not until she used that voice. Not until she relived that day with those two familiar child-like voices.
“Screw you, Liam!” She cried out in a voice I remember from my childhood. “I hope you drop dead!”
“Stop.” I demanded.
“Piss off, Ryan!” She shot back in a second boy’s voice.
“I said stop!” I began shouting.
“Help me, Ryan! Please, help me! I’m sorry! Please, Lucky Dime, help me!”
I then lunged toward her, reaching my hands out toward her neck only to be stopped by the shackles as she swiftly, almost without even moving, stepped just out of my reach.
“Fucking bitch!” I screamed out.
“If only you really cared about me, Lucky Dime,” sighed Mrs. Larson as she turned and began making her way to the side of the room where a cart stood in the shadows. She pulled it over to Kate’s side, the cart covered in rusted medical tools.
“P-Please,” Kate wheezed, “p-p-please… I… I d-d-don’t w-want… Want t-to d-d… D-Die, I… I w-w-want m-m-m… My m-mom!”
“Dooooonnn’t woooorrrrryyyyy,” Mrs. Larson soothed, using that mix of different voices, “mmmmmmaaaayyyyybeeee sheeee wiiiillll cooooommmme loooookinnnng ffffooooorrrr yooouuuuu aaaaannnnnd sheeeeeee caaaaannnnn joooooiiiiiinnnn youuuuuuu.”
Kate began to sob, begging and pleading for Mrs. Larson to let her go, thrashing around in her restraints. Telling the older woman that there was no saving her sister and that she was too far gone for this sick ritual to work anymore. I tried to yank at the chains once more, trying to loosen it at least enough to break free and grab at Mrs. Larson.
“Rrrrrrreeeeellllllaaaaax,” Mrs. Larson ordered as she began filling a syringe with some kind of clear liquid from a small bottle, “yoooouuuuuu woooooonnnn’t eeeeeveeennn fffffeeeellll iiiiiiit, thiiiissssss wiiiiiillllll puuuuuut youuuuu toooo ssssssllllllleeeeeep aaaaaannnnnnd wheeeeeennnnnn youuuuuu waaaaaake uuuuuuuup, youuuuuuu’lllllll beeee iiiiiinnnnnn heeeeeaaaaaaveeeennnnn… Uuuuuunnnnnnnllllllessssss youuuuuuu weeeerrrrrrre aaaaaa haaaaaarrrrrlllllooooooot, iiiiiiinnnnnn whiiiiiiiich caaaaaassssssseeeee, mmmmmaaaayyyy Goooooood haaaaaaaave mmmmmmmmerrrrrrrcccccyyyyy ooooonnnnn youuuuuur ssssssoooouuuuullllll… Aaaaannnnnd baaaaaaasssssed ooooonnnn hoooooow youuuuuu drrrrressss aaaaannnnnd theeeee coooommmmpaaaannnnyyyy youuuuuu keeeeeep,” She added as she eyed me, “IIIIIII ssssssaaaaaayyyy youuuuu haaaaaave aaaaa lllllloooooot ooooooffff fooooooorrrrgiiiiiviiiiinnnnng tooooo dooooo.”
Kate continued to cry as Mrs. Larson pushed the needle of the syringe into her arm, pushing down on the plunger as it pierced the flesh. Kate’s loud screams soon turned quieter and her red eyes began to glaze over, but she continued to stay awake, tightening her grip on the table and still begging to be let go.
“IIIIII waaaaannnnt youuuuu toooo waaaaatch, Detective,” Mrs. Larson spat out my title in Mr. Blackwell’s voice, “IIIII waaaaannnnnt youuuuu toooo waaaaatch herrrrrr fffffaaaaaade aaaaaannnnnnd mmmmmeeeee rrrrreeeemmmmooooove heerr heeeaaaarrrrrt toooooo ffffffeeeeeed tooooo mmmmmmyyyyyy ssssssiiiiiiiissssssterrrrrr,” she then pulled out a recorder, “theeeeennnnnn wheeeeeennnnn IIIIIII ssssssuuuuummmmoooooonnnnn herrrrrrr aaannnnd sheeeee fffffiiiinnnniiiishessssss oooooofffffff heeeerrrrr heeeaaaaarrrrrt, youuuuuuu’llllllll beeeeee neeeeeext.”
“Fuck you,” I snarled, “I hope you and your sister burn.”
“IIIIIIIII’mmmmm gooooonnnnnaaaaa gooooo aaaaallllllerrrrrrt mmmmmyyyyy ssssssiiiiiiissssterrrrrr,” Mrs. Larson turned and began making her way to the basement steps, “ssssseeee youuuuu boooooth ffffffoooooorrrr diiiiiinnnnnnerrrrrrr.”
She then pressed the play button on her recorder and a small, little girl’s voice echoed in the room before Mrs. Larson vanished up the steps.
“I’m here… I’m here… I’m here…”
Then the door slammed shut.
“De… Tec… Tive…” Kate squeaked out, her breathing slowing.
“Stay awake, Blackwell,” I ordered her gently, looking around frantically for anything to get us both out of this alive, “I’ll get us out of this, I promise, just stay awake, we’ll get out of here, I just need-“
“I’m… S… Sorry…” she breathed out. “I’m… So… Sorry… For… Get… Getting… You… In… To.. This…”
“No, no, this is not your fault!” I assured her. “That psychotic bitch got us both into this shit and I won’t stop until I get us out and put her and her fucking sister are six feet under!”
“W…Wha… What… H… Hap… Happened… To… To L… Liam…?”
I stopped struggling with the chains and turned to look to Kate. Her head was turned to me, her face wet, hands clenching as hard as they could to the table beneath her, the light in her eyes slowly fading second by second. She was trying desperately to stay awake. The medication Mrs. Larson taking hold of her as the minutes ticked by.
I dropped the chains that were in my hands, looking away from her, wanting to stare at anything other than another person I had failed.
“He was killed,” I answered, “we were fishing at a lake nearby… Lake Gaagige… We got into a really stupid ass fucking fight about how which fishing pole we were going to use. I wanted to use our dad’s, but Liam was older and said only men could use dad’s fishing pole… I told him… To drop dead and stormed off… When I got home, my parents dragged me back to the lake and scolded me for leaving him…” I trailed off, swallowing all the tears and screams I’d bottled up since that day. “When… We found… Him… The autopsy… Said he was mauled by a bear… I’ve blamed myself for leaving him there alone… For letting him die and getting killed like that… The last thing I ever told him was to drop dead… I was a shitty brother and now I’m a shitty detective…”
“Is… Is he… Why… You became… A… Detective…?”
I took a deep breath and swallowed the tears again. “No, Blackwell,” I answered, “he’s not why I became a detective… I already knew what had killed him… It was my fault… If I hadn’t been such a brat and stormed off… He might still be alive… And now… What that bitch said…” I replayed Liam’s screams that escaped Mrs. Larson’s mouth. “I’m starting to think I’m getting what I deserve. Karma’s back to kick my ass…”
“H… How… Old…?”
“I was six… Liam was eight…”
“N… N… Not your… F… Fault…”
I turned to look to Kate, her eyes on mine, however faded.
“Y… You were… Only… A k… Kid…”
I took another intake of what little air there was down in that basement. I had spent years trying to convince myself of the same thing, but those moments never got easier for me when those thoughts returned.
“I think you’re just being nice,” I laughed painfully, “but I’m afraid I- and my folks- don’t share the same sentiment.”
I was staring down at where the chains were coming from in the ground, Kate not saying a word for over a couple of minutes. I spun to see if she had fallen asleep and immediately tried to find out how to wake her up again. However, once I our eyes met, I saw that she was still fighting sleep, the last of her tears rolling down across the bridge of her nose and into her hair.
“I… I… I had… Had a c… Crush… O… On… J… Jasper…” she confessed, her voice getting quieter and higher. “P… Paul and… And Son… Sonja knew… I never… Never c… Cared f… For Luke… But I’m… Sure… S… Sonja t… Told him…” she looked like she was going to sob again. “I… I never g… Got the… Ch… Chance… T… To tell J… Jasper… I… Was… Scared… He… He and… P… Paul were friends… And I… I kn… Knew… How P… Paul f… Felt… A… About m… Me… I… I did… Didn’t wa… Want to… R… Ruin… Anyth… Anything…” She took a gulp of air. “I… I ha… Hated L… Luke… I… A… Always… Kn… Knew… He… He was a… Player… B… But Sonja… Said… Said she was hap… Happy… So… So I did… Didn’t wa… Want to g… Get in… H… Her way… B… But Luke d… Didn’t l… Like h… How cl… Close… We… Were… I d… Didn’t w… Want him to make… Make her th… Think I… I was l… Leading her o… On… T… To get them… To b… Break up… Th… Then… That n… Night… Sh… She w… Wanted to… To leave…” She let out two pained gasps of breath. “I… I let them down… I let them all down… Luke pro… Probably thought… Thought I w… Was the one who… Who f… Filled Sonja’s mind… With thoughts of… Of him ch… Cheating… Th… Then I… I got them… All killed…
I… I didn’t deserve them, d… Detective…” she went on, looking away from me to stare up at the water damaged ceiling, “I… I… I was a… Terrible… Terrible friend…”
“Did you read their guest book entries?” I asked.
“N… No… D… Didn’t w… Want to… To r… Read any… Anything p… Private…” Kate answered.
“Jasper didn’t blame you,” I assured her, remembering what he had written in his entry during his time watching Mrs. Larson just outside the cabin, “even when he heard the voices- when he heard Mrs. Larson- telling him to, he didn’t. I don’t think the others blamed you either. You didn’t do anything wrong, Ms. Blackwell, there’s no way you could have known any of this would happen.”
“K… Kate…”
“What?”
“C… Call… Call me… Kate…”
“Aright, Kate,” I let out what little laughter I had left inside me, “so long as we’re the last people we’ll be chatting with, call me Ryan.”
“R… Ryan…”
“If we at all live through this, I’m going to need a long vacation after this,” I said as I turned to look at my shackles again, looking around myself to try finding anything to Get free since a vacation sounded like something to die for at that moment, “do you know any good vacation spots I can book for the fall?”
“Y… You’re… You’re a… Dick…” Kate struggled to laugh.
“I also enjoy pineapple on pizza,” I winked as I reached down to my ankle, ready to break it just to taste that sweet combination of tomato sauce and fruit.
“G… God… I… I c… Can’t… Believe… I th… Thought y… You w… Were c… Cute…”
I sat down on the floor, grabbing my ankle with both my hands. Needing to hype myself up enough to do what I was going to do, I began removing my shoe and sock from the foot, rubbing and squeezing my way up and down the ankle to my toes. I had never broken a bone in my life before this and I definitely never thought I’d do it of my own volition, but this was a desperate time and it definitely called for desperate…
“Wait what?” I turned to look to Kate, finally registering what she had said.
However, just before I could be sure of what I heard, the sound of a hunting rifle going off just above our heads right before we heard the door to the basement swing open and immediately be slammed shut. Both Kate and I turned to see someone stumble down the wooden steps, his clothes torn and body scratched and cut to a nearly deadly degree. I was even shocked he was still breathing.
“M… Mr… R… Raines…?” Kate gasped out.
“What’s left of me at least,” Mr. Raines grumbled as he limped over to Kate and quickly began undoing her straps to the table, “damn thing almost ripped my head off, but one swing of the barrel to its eye and I was able to get away… Can’t say it didn’t do its damage though… I’m… Getting really fucking hungry…”
He shook his head violently before limping over to me. He then raised an eyebrow at me when he saw how I was positioned still on the floor with a bare foot in my hands shackled to the floor.
“I… I was… I… I thought you were-“ I stammered.
“I am,” Mr. Raines interrupted, “at least, I’m on my way there anyway.” He then retrieved my Glock from his back pocket. “I don’t know what that thing did to me, but I’m not gonna make it out of this alive, or the way I came in. It’s a massacre out there by the way. Lot of men in blue bodies out there… Very… Hard to ignore… Sure more will be on their way. So.”
With that, Mr. Raines pointed at my chains and pulled the trigger on my clock, barely giving me time to cover my ears as the sound rung out loudly in the basement. I shook my head, trying to undo the blurry and ringing side effects of the sound of a gun going off near your head. I gave the older man a glare before standing and snatching my Glock from his hands. That’s when I saw Kate shifting herself to the side of the metal table she was no longer tied to, trying to get her limbs to comply with her to help her off and on to the floor.
I ran over and grabbed her just as she nearly stumbled face first to the floor and lifted her up to her feet, her body heavy with lack of keeping herself up.
“Do you think you can walk?” I asked, trying to keep her on her feet.
“I… I don’t… I…” Kate stammered as she tried to push herself off of me while also using using me as a crutch until she could stand on her own. However, she didn’t seem to be able to put any kind of pressure on her legs without falling down.
“Kate?” A girl’s voice called out from above us.
Feeling Kate shudder, I realized that it must have been the sound of Sonja’s voice and Mrs. Larson was using her to keep Kate from running. I quickly swung my arm down behind her knees, pressing the other down on her back as I lifted her up off the floor, my Glock at the ready as I kept it pointed in front of me while my arm held up Kate’s knees.
“She must have heard the gunshots,” I pointed out, “how’d you get past her in the first place?”
“I set the other cabins on fire,” Mr. Raines answered as if it were the simplest of answers, “I had to distract her somehow and give those bodies she’d been eating a better fate than becoming her shit.”
“Are you planning on setting this place on fire too?” I asked.
“‘Course I am!” Mr. Raines exclaimed, seemingly offended I’d even ask. “I already doused it in gasoline, I ain’t wasting all that time!”
“Kate!” Sonja’s voice cried out, getting closer to the basement door. “Are you seriously leaving me here to die alone again!”
“Please… Make it… Stop…” Kate sniffed as she gripped my shirt and burying her face into the fabric.
“Let’s get you two out of here.” Mr. Raines began leading the way to the basement stairs, cocking his rifle as he did so.
“What about you?” I asked, immediately following after him.
Mr. Raines didn’t answer as he stomped up the stairs and kicked the door open to the first floor of the cabin. The stench of the gasoline he had spilled hitting me harshly in my face.
“Kate!” Sonja’s voice, along with a different crescendo of male voices shrieked out as Mrs. Larson appeared from the corner of the hallway where the basement was located.
“Leighton?” A different woman’s voice asked the moment the old woman’s eyes spotted Mr. Raines. I then watched in both shock and confusion as it almost looked like the very skin on the woman melted off to reveal a much younger woman. The woman I recognized as Bonnie Collins. “Leighton… Love is that you?”
Mr. Raines kept his rifle on the vision of the woman he once loved before her murder, but didn’t move or speak.
“Darling, I’ve missed you so much!” The fake Bonnie cried out as she began making her way to Mr. Raines with arms open wide to hug him.
Mr. Raines then lifted his gun up higher, placing his finger on the trigger which caused the vision to stop in her place.
“Leighton?” The fake Bonnie asked. “Baby, it’s me… Bun-Bun… Don’t you recognize me…?” She began to tear up.
“You’re not my Bunny,” Mr. Raines growled before he shot once at the woman.
The fake Bonnie swiftly dodged the bullet, an inhuman hiss coming from an unhinged mouth, revealing a row of long, sharp teeth. The skin of Bonnie then melted off to reveal another woman, a lot younger than the first one it intimidated. The face of one of the victims upon being brought on this case.
“Kate,” the fake Sonja called out, “Kate, what are you doing? Who are these men? Why are they trying to hurt me?”
Kate let out a sobbing gasp, her nails digging into my shoulder with her arm wrapped around my neck.
“Didn’t I suffer enough?” The fake Sonja asked. “First my boyfriend and now you? Why don’t you want to be with me anymore?”
“Shut up!” Kate demanded. “You’re not Sonja! You killed her, you killed all of them! I don’t care what happens to me, but I’m not letting their memories end with you!”
Kate then snatched my Glock from my hand under her legs and shot directly at the fake Sonja’s head. Again the shot missed as the fake vision of the girl slithered out of the way, a frustrated growl of a dog and human escaping it’s mouth. It then zipped to the side, cowering with its back to us on the floor.
“Lucky dime…” A child’s voice then took over. The vision’s skin melting now to a much smaller figure. “Is this what you want? To kill me all over again?” He turned to look up at me, Liam’s face forever eight-years-old staring up at me. “It’s no wonder mommy and daddy hate you now… You were always a shitty brother… Now, I’m gonna starve to death because you’d rather help a couple of strangers.”
“I’m sorry, Liam,” I replied, everyone, including the fake Liam looking to me in surprise, “I left you alone out here and that’s what got you killed by that thing out there and I’m sorry. But, if I’d stayed it may have been both of us and then mom and dad would have no one left to blame but each other. If you had left and I was the one killed, you’d probably be in my shoes instead. I’m sorry for letting you get killed, but I’m gonna make up for it now.”
I then took my Glock back from Kate and pointed it to the vision of Liam.
“Good bye, Liam.”
I shot the gun once again, missing the creature again, however, this time I just kept shooting, Mr. Raines following after. Our different bullets just kept firing, the thing dodging and trying to get closer to us. The creature screeched out at us in a myriad of different voices both familiar and unknown. It wasn’t until one shot from my Glock struck the creatures shoulder and Mr. Raines’ rifle struck its head when the skins of everyone it was trying to turn into all melted off, revealing Mrs. Larson once again.
However, this time, she looked shriveled, older than she looked before. Her face looked deformed, beginning to grow furry, her eyes growing nothing but red, no irises, no pupils, just red. Her hair grew longer, branches like antlers growing painfully out from her skull, breaking the skin as they grew larger. The lower half of her face grew elongated, turning into that of a muzzle of fangs and a drooling mouth.
“You… All… Have no rrrrrrriiiiiight!” A different, unknown voice snarled out from what used to be Mrs. Larson. “People liiiiiike you all… Abandoned me and myyyyyyyyy sister!” The fur growing around this thing grew out short and shaggy, the cloths it was using melting off with the skin and flesh it was wearing. It now didn’t look anything like a human woman. It now took the form of a large wolf mixed with that of a deer, it’s body dog-like with hooves, antlers, and a long, scraggly tail. “You lot abandoned us here! You left us all here to diiiiiiiie!”
Guilt was weighing down on me with each syllable it was growling. Kate looked away from it, burying her face in my neck as Mr. Raines lowered his rifle.
“Nooooow, you’re bringing more here to just leave and let die out here!” It went on, it’s horrifying, broken body shuddering. “Why let them just vanish and die up here when they can bring people like my sister and I back? Give me Kate’s heart and fix what you threeeeeeeeee failed!”
Mr. Raines then handed over his rifle to Kate, placing it down on her stomach as her hands were still wrapped around my neck. The older man made his way over to stand over the thing, its neck creaking like a rusted door as it turned its wolf-like head to look up at him.
“Leighton…” Bonnie’s voice came from the creature. “Give mmmmeeeee her heart aaaannnnd we can be togetherrrrr again… If you eat the deeeeeetective’s we can saaaaaave you tooooooo…”
“My Bunny’s dead,” Mr. Raines told it as he dug in his pocket and took out a carton of matches, “and so am I.”
“You’d burn your wife?” A mix of Bonnie and Mrs. Larson’s voices shrieked as it glared at the match he took from the match box.
“You’re not my wife,” Mr. Raines told it, “and I’ll never see her again.”
“Fooooooool,” Mr. Larson’s voice chuckled, “you’llllllll killllllll us both!”
“With the shit I’ve done in my life, I know you’re taking me to Hell with you,” Mr. Raines growled back as he struck the match on the box, “so I’m sure as fuck not afraid to burn here on Earth with you!”
Mr. Raines then dropped the match to the floor right before the creature and everything around the two of them immediately went up in flames, the fur of the creature catching quickly and engulfing it. An agonized shriek echoed out all around us, the creature thrashing in the fire it had gotten swallowed up in. Mr. Raines then grabbed it by it’s long, furry throat and swung it down back flat the floor, jumping to pin it down.
“Get out!” Mr. Raines cried out to me. “Leave here!”
Not needing to be told twice, I held onto Kate tightly and bolted past the two burning bodies, jumping over the fire as it began growing fast throughout the cabin. I quickly got to the front door and stopped to look back to see Mr. Raines fighting the creature and preventing it from coming after us, it begging for me to bring Kate back and that it would die without her.
“I’ll clear your name,” I called back, trying not to reel back in horror as I saw Mr. Raines skin begin to melt off, “I’ll let people know you didn’t kill Bonnie!”
“I’ll let people know you didn’t… Kill… Liam!” Mr. Raines’ voice called back, him thrashing around with Mrs. Larson as he said my brother’s name in my voice.
I turned back and kicked the front door open, rushing Kate out of the burning cabin. I ran until I got far enough from the smoke, turning back to see all three cabins now on fire, the area around them all ablaze. The only place untouched was Mrs. Larson’s house, all the evidence remaining. I could hear sirens in the distance coming closer. The sounds of shouts from the surviving officers sounding much closer.
“I’m here… I’m here… I’m here…”
I looked to the front porch of Mrs. Larson’s house where her recorder continued to call out for her sister. I set Kate down at the base of a nearby tree and ran to snatch the recorder, shutting it off. I searched around, looking for any signs of Prudence, but it appeared that the fire and the sounds of sirens and voices had scared her off. I ran back to Kate, her eyes closed and her not responding to me calling to her, but after checking her pulse and breathing, I found that the medication Mrs. Larson had given her had finally taken over and she was now fast asleep, the rifle Mr. Raines gave her still sitting on her rhythmically rising and falling stomach.
Letting out a sigh of relief, I leaned against the same tree I set Kate down on and slid down to the ground next to her. The first two cabins were already practically nothing but ash, the last still blazing as I heard the slowly fading screams of Mrs. Larson and Mr. Raines coming from inside.
When the screaming ended all together, the smoke turning blacker as it rose from the flames, I got to my feet and took out my pack of cigarettes as I approached the fires, staying far enough away not to get burned. I opened the pack up before stopping myself as I reached for one of the ten remaining cigarettes inside. I then flung the entire carton into the fires without taking one.
“Save one for me down there, you old bastard,” I told Mr. Raines before making my way back to Kate’s side.
It wasn’t long before the remaining officers found us, looking in confusion at the fires and to me with a sleeping victim in a homicide case on the ground. I told them we’d need to call an ambulance for Kate and that we needed to keep the flames from getting to Mrs. Larson’s house as it held evidence on the case. One officer retrieved his radio and called for an ambulance while a group ran to the house and another went to try controlling the fire as best they could by yanking out any bushes near by and throwing them away from the area around the house.
Luckily, the fire trucks were called long before the fire spread too far, residence noticing it practically the moment Mr. Raines set the first cabin on fire.
As I sat there, keeping Kate held up against the tree we sat under, I listened to the crackling of the fire, the sirens of fast approaching fire trucks and the ambulance, and the sounds of distance, coyote, almost human, howling.
2024.06.01 14:32 Background-Koala- Boomer Thinks He Had Kids to Help “Take Care of Him”
My boomer father and I have a complicated relationship. He hasn’t worked in over 20 years, living off first money he siphoned from his sock mother, then an undisclosed inheritance he received after his father died. Now that he’s run out of money, he’s on normal SSI, and still has the audacity to parrot back phrases such as “nobody wants to work anymore,” or “they need to raise SSI amounts because we worked our whole lives for this and it’s barely anything to live off of.” 🤦♀️ But I digress.
He started having health problems about 9-10 years ago, mostly involving gastrointestinal issues. They found he had severe GERD and some precancerous polyps in his esophagus so he has to go get them cauterized via endoscopy every 3-6 months. While it’s an in and out procedure, he is insistent a “blood” relative has to take him, since he goes under anesthesia and is unable to drive himself home. Until recently, since he lives alone, my sister and I were always pigeonholed into taking him which caused friction between the two of us, because last year I ran out of PTO when it was “my turn” and she was going away on vacation. Luckily his sister has retired now, so she can help, but it’s still a hassle. Now he needs a full knee replacement in a few weeks, and while I don’t mind helping in some capacity, I don’t intend to spend full days there fetching him water or being his gopher. Even though I work remotely, I am extremely busy all day and don’t have the bandwidth to be doing that. He told me the other day “I’m going to need a lot of help fe you guys, and your aunt might need to go out of town right after I have surgery, so I’m not sure how we are going to do this.” He has been trying to imply someone move in with him for a bit after his surgery and I immediately shut that down. I said that’s not happening, and it’s unnecessary. Furthermore, he always demands this of me, not my sister, citing her always being “so busy.” She’s single. She only does social things and has herself tone concerned about. I have a family. He then tries to counter by saying “that’s why we had you kids,” and I shut that down too. I told him that is absolutely not why people have kids. If they’re having kids with the intent to be backup caretakers they seriously need to reevaluate their life choices. He’s very manipulative, and is good at making my sister feel guilty, which then makes her angry with me and accuses me of not ever wanting to help even though he’s “our dad.” I’m at the age where IDGAF who he is anymore and no one is going to manipulate or guilt me into anything. Unfortunately, it’s still extremely stressful. So, wish me luck I guess. Also, any advice would be appreciated on how to handle “helping” going forward.
TL;DR: Father thinks we had kids to help be his live-in nurse while recovering from surgery.
Also, so sorry this was super long. Also, “helping” kind of sounds like I want to off him but that’s not the case 😂
submitted by Background-Koala- to BoomersBeingFools [link] [comments]
He started having health problems about 9-10 years ago, mostly involving gastrointestinal issues. They found he had severe GERD and some precancerous polyps in his esophagus so he has to go get them cauterized via endoscopy every 3-6 months. While it’s an in and out procedure, he is insistent a “blood” relative has to take him, since he goes under anesthesia and is unable to drive himself home. Until recently, since he lives alone, my sister and I were always pigeonholed into taking him which caused friction between the two of us, because last year I ran out of PTO when it was “my turn” and she was going away on vacation. Luckily his sister has retired now, so she can help, but it’s still a hassle. Now he needs a full knee replacement in a few weeks, and while I don’t mind helping in some capacity, I don’t intend to spend full days there fetching him water or being his gopher. Even though I work remotely, I am extremely busy all day and don’t have the bandwidth to be doing that. He told me the other day “I’m going to need a lot of help fe you guys, and your aunt might need to go out of town right after I have surgery, so I’m not sure how we are going to do this.” He has been trying to imply someone move in with him for a bit after his surgery and I immediately shut that down. I said that’s not happening, and it’s unnecessary. Furthermore, he always demands this of me, not my sister, citing her always being “so busy.” She’s single. She only does social things and has herself tone concerned about. I have a family. He then tries to counter by saying “that’s why we had you kids,” and I shut that down too. I told him that is absolutely not why people have kids. If they’re having kids with the intent to be backup caretakers they seriously need to reevaluate their life choices. He’s very manipulative, and is good at making my sister feel guilty, which then makes her angry with me and accuses me of not ever wanting to help even though he’s “our dad.” I’m at the age where IDGAF who he is anymore and no one is going to manipulate or guilt me into anything. Unfortunately, it’s still extremely stressful. So, wish me luck I guess. Also, any advice would be appreciated on how to handle “helping” going forward.
TL;DR: Father thinks we had kids to help be his live-in nurse while recovering from surgery.
Also, so sorry this was super long. Also, “helping” kind of sounds like I want to off him but that’s not the case 😂
2024.06.01 14:23 the_korben Please help me understand composition, V-sync and tearing with Nvidia
Hi, I've been gaming on Linux with my RTX 4070 Ti for about half a year and I have been very happy with the results and about my transition from Windows. However, there is one issue that keeps popping up and I don't seem to be able to either fix or even understand the origins of this issue: occasional tearing. It's a problem that has been discussed a lot on the internet. But it's been discussed for so long over the last 5-15 years that you can find so many different proposed "solutions" and contradictory statements and unrelated sub-discussions that it gets even harder to understand what is even the cause of the problem.
And this is basically my intent here: I would like to understand the technical cause of the problem in the Linux gaming-component stack and am therefore looking for answers from people who understand some of the technical background. I would like to ask you not to divert the discussion by statements like "use Wayland" or "use AMD" or "use another distro" or something like that, because it doesn't really help in understanding the root of the problem and the nature of the proposed solutions. Thank you! In order to facilitate the discussion, I will try to be as detailed as possible in my descriptions, so sorry if this post is too long for your taste. :)
The problem
First off, a short description of the problem. I have a dual-monitor setup with a primary monitor running at 120 Hz and the secondary running at 60 Hz. I'm using GNOME with X11 via a somewhat modified version of Ubuntu 22.04. VRR is disabled. (I am currently using the 550.67 driver but 535 looks the same.)
I play many games on this machine and most of them run perfectly fine. For instance, I just played MotoGP 24, a very recent game running on the Unreal engine, and I can run it at 120 fps without any problems whatsoever. The framerate is perfectly smooth and there is no tearing. Then there are other games - the latest example I tried is Shadow of Mordor - where I can also run the game very well at 120 fps (after unlocking the framerate in the config files) but at sudden random times, bad tearing pops up, stays for about 20 seconds and then vanishes again. This is obviously very distracting.
A somewhat related problem happens with games that are internally capped to 60 fps. Most of these run perfectly fine as they should since I am running at 120 Hz. However, some of them sometimes also get these random tearing episodes or produce frame-time inconsistencies which then also leads to tearing or small stutters, which should not be the case because I have more than enough headroom to run these games at 60 fps.
The interpretation
So, given my ~30 years of PC gaming experience, this of course sounds like a synchronization problem. Under Windows - before the advent of VRR - the solution was simply to "enable V-sync in the Nvidia Control Panel". With that setting you wouldn't get any tearing anywhere because apparently the Nvidia driver could easily control the flow of frames from the frame buffers to the display. It seems that on my Linux machine, this is not the case. There is some cross-talk going on between various components or processes and I end up with parts of frames that should not be on the screen.
Now this of course immediately brings the "explicit sync" question to my mind, but my impression was that this was a Wayland topic and that X11 handles things different anyway. So maybe X11 is the ultimate root of the problem, but I don't have the technical expertise on this topic to come to that conclusion and I would still know the root cause of the effect.
The stack
In order to try and identify what is involved in this process, I am now listing everything that is involved with creating a frame and then displaying it. First off, we have the game engine. It uses APIs to create calls to draw the images and also handles some of the synchronization settings on its own with in-game V-sync settings or framecaps. Then comes DXVK or VKD3D or WineD3D and perhaps some other components of Wine/Proton that translate these draw calls to Vulkan or OpenGL. The Vulkan calls are then interpreted by the Nvidia driver which then sends the results to X11. Somewhere in between we may have the Nvidia "Composition Pipeline" that can be enabled in the display settings of the nvidia-settings application. X11, running under GNOME, then gets the frames and talks to the OS to send the images to the display. I hope this is at least a reasonably close description of what is going on.
Somewhere in the middle of that chain - at least on my machine - sits MangoHud and potentially caps frames or forces V-sync once again. And then there is also gamemode which also changes some settings for the system. We could also use Gamescope to sit in between the game and X11/Wayland - but I rarely use it and haven't found that it improves things with tearing-prone games. And then there is the SteamOverlay sitting somewhere on top as well.
The fixes
So somewhere in that setup above is where tearing is happening. To fix it, the internet gives us tons of different advice. We can "Force Composition Pipeline" or "Force Full Composition Pipeline" in the nvidia-settings. We can set "Sync to V-blank" in the OpenGL settings of the Nvidia driver. We can even enable TripleBuffering in the driver settings in the xorg config or do some even more arcane things like setting "UseNvKmsCompositionPipeline" to "false (which helps a ton with stuttering in my case) and set environment variables like __GL_SYNC_DISPLAY_DEVICE.
Then we can also enable V-sync at the DXVK or VKD3D level by modifying their configs or by using the corresponding MangoHud settings. We can also disable the system-wide compositor. We can do so many things ... and some of those things indeed make it better or worse, but I haven't found settings that can get rid of even just occasional tearing once and for all.
The confusion
This is where I am getting confused. How is it that there is no setting that simply makes it so the GPU handles V-sync? And why is it that all these fixes proposed above often contradict each other? Some people advocate for "Force Composition Pipeline", some people say the exact opposite. Some people say TripleBuffering is the solution, some people say it doesn't work. And none of it really helped.
I am also confused by which settings would override one another. For instance: would "Sync on V-blank" only affect OpenGL applications but not DXVK? Does forcing V-sync in DXVK just override the setting for V-sync in the Nvidia driver or is it something on top that handles synchronisation, and how would that interact with the "Composition Pipeline" that the Nvidia driver is using? Do V-sync settings in-game cause problems with the "Composition Pipeline" or the DXVK V-sync setting or TripleBuffering? And for that matter: what even is the "Composition Pipeline" of the Nvidia driver and how would it get rid of the tearing if the driver is then forwarding the image to X11 anyway and X11 handles the synchronization with the display?
So I guess my ultimate question is this: where exactly does the tearing come from and why would the different solutions above prevent that from happening? Ultimately, tearing is a simple thing. GPU frames are not synchronized with the display refresh rate. But why can't the Nvidia driver simply prepare a consistent image for X11 to fetch every time it asks - at least not for all games at all times? Or to put it differently, why do some settings that are supposed to facilitate this fail in some games some of the time?
The plea
As you can see, I am very confused. I tried so many different combinations of everything mentioned above and none of it has gotten rid of tearing completely. But only in some of the games. Others run perfectly fine. And as someone with a scientific/technical approach to most things, this is making me crazy. If there currently is no way of getting rid of tearing ... fine. But I would simply like to know why it works most of the time but not all of the time or where I am misunderstanding things.
So, if you understand how the graphics pipeline works on our dear Linux with X11 and Nvidia and you can explain where the tearing comes from (or how one even may get rid of it) I would be so greatful because then I could finally enjoy Shadow of Mordor without trying to get research funding from the EU or the National Science Foundation. :)
submitted by the_korben to linux_gaming [link] [comments]
And this is basically my intent here: I would like to understand the technical cause of the problem in the Linux gaming-component stack and am therefore looking for answers from people who understand some of the technical background. I would like to ask you not to divert the discussion by statements like "use Wayland" or "use AMD" or "use another distro" or something like that, because it doesn't really help in understanding the root of the problem and the nature of the proposed solutions. Thank you! In order to facilitate the discussion, I will try to be as detailed as possible in my descriptions, so sorry if this post is too long for your taste. :)
The problem
First off, a short description of the problem. I have a dual-monitor setup with a primary monitor running at 120 Hz and the secondary running at 60 Hz. I'm using GNOME with X11 via a somewhat modified version of Ubuntu 22.04. VRR is disabled. (I am currently using the 550.67 driver but 535 looks the same.)
I play many games on this machine and most of them run perfectly fine. For instance, I just played MotoGP 24, a very recent game running on the Unreal engine, and I can run it at 120 fps without any problems whatsoever. The framerate is perfectly smooth and there is no tearing. Then there are other games - the latest example I tried is Shadow of Mordor - where I can also run the game very well at 120 fps (after unlocking the framerate in the config files) but at sudden random times, bad tearing pops up, stays for about 20 seconds and then vanishes again. This is obviously very distracting.
A somewhat related problem happens with games that are internally capped to 60 fps. Most of these run perfectly fine as they should since I am running at 120 Hz. However, some of them sometimes also get these random tearing episodes or produce frame-time inconsistencies which then also leads to tearing or small stutters, which should not be the case because I have more than enough headroom to run these games at 60 fps.
The interpretation
So, given my ~30 years of PC gaming experience, this of course sounds like a synchronization problem. Under Windows - before the advent of VRR - the solution was simply to "enable V-sync in the Nvidia Control Panel". With that setting you wouldn't get any tearing anywhere because apparently the Nvidia driver could easily control the flow of frames from the frame buffers to the display. It seems that on my Linux machine, this is not the case. There is some cross-talk going on between various components or processes and I end up with parts of frames that should not be on the screen.
Now this of course immediately brings the "explicit sync" question to my mind, but my impression was that this was a Wayland topic and that X11 handles things different anyway. So maybe X11 is the ultimate root of the problem, but I don't have the technical expertise on this topic to come to that conclusion and I would still know the root cause of the effect.
The stack
In order to try and identify what is involved in this process, I am now listing everything that is involved with creating a frame and then displaying it. First off, we have the game engine. It uses APIs to create calls to draw the images and also handles some of the synchronization settings on its own with in-game V-sync settings or framecaps. Then comes DXVK or VKD3D or WineD3D and perhaps some other components of Wine/Proton that translate these draw calls to Vulkan or OpenGL. The Vulkan calls are then interpreted by the Nvidia driver which then sends the results to X11. Somewhere in between we may have the Nvidia "Composition Pipeline" that can be enabled in the display settings of the nvidia-settings application. X11, running under GNOME, then gets the frames and talks to the OS to send the images to the display. I hope this is at least a reasonably close description of what is going on.
Somewhere in the middle of that chain - at least on my machine - sits MangoHud and potentially caps frames or forces V-sync once again. And then there is also gamemode which also changes some settings for the system. We could also use Gamescope to sit in between the game and X11/Wayland - but I rarely use it and haven't found that it improves things with tearing-prone games. And then there is the SteamOverlay sitting somewhere on top as well.
The fixes
So somewhere in that setup above is where tearing is happening. To fix it, the internet gives us tons of different advice. We can "Force Composition Pipeline" or "Force Full Composition Pipeline" in the nvidia-settings. We can set "Sync to V-blank" in the OpenGL settings of the Nvidia driver. We can even enable TripleBuffering in the driver settings in the xorg config or do some even more arcane things like setting "UseNvKmsCompositionPipeline" to "false (which helps a ton with stuttering in my case) and set environment variables like __GL_SYNC_DISPLAY_DEVICE.
Then we can also enable V-sync at the DXVK or VKD3D level by modifying their configs or by using the corresponding MangoHud settings. We can also disable the system-wide compositor. We can do so many things ... and some of those things indeed make it better or worse, but I haven't found settings that can get rid of even just occasional tearing once and for all.
The confusion
This is where I am getting confused. How is it that there is no setting that simply makes it so the GPU handles V-sync? And why is it that all these fixes proposed above often contradict each other? Some people advocate for "Force Composition Pipeline", some people say the exact opposite. Some people say TripleBuffering is the solution, some people say it doesn't work. And none of it really helped.
I am also confused by which settings would override one another. For instance: would "Sync on V-blank" only affect OpenGL applications but not DXVK? Does forcing V-sync in DXVK just override the setting for V-sync in the Nvidia driver or is it something on top that handles synchronisation, and how would that interact with the "Composition Pipeline" that the Nvidia driver is using? Do V-sync settings in-game cause problems with the "Composition Pipeline" or the DXVK V-sync setting or TripleBuffering? And for that matter: what even is the "Composition Pipeline" of the Nvidia driver and how would it get rid of the tearing if the driver is then forwarding the image to X11 anyway and X11 handles the synchronization with the display?
So I guess my ultimate question is this: where exactly does the tearing come from and why would the different solutions above prevent that from happening? Ultimately, tearing is a simple thing. GPU frames are not synchronized with the display refresh rate. But why can't the Nvidia driver simply prepare a consistent image for X11 to fetch every time it asks - at least not for all games at all times? Or to put it differently, why do some settings that are supposed to facilitate this fail in some games some of the time?
The plea
As you can see, I am very confused. I tried so many different combinations of everything mentioned above and none of it has gotten rid of tearing completely. But only in some of the games. Others run perfectly fine. And as someone with a scientific/technical approach to most things, this is making me crazy. If there currently is no way of getting rid of tearing ... fine. But I would simply like to know why it works most of the time but not all of the time or where I am misunderstanding things.
So, if you understand how the graphics pipeline works on our dear Linux with X11 and Nvidia and you can explain where the tearing comes from (or how one even may get rid of it) I would be so greatful because then I could finally enjoy Shadow of Mordor without trying to get research funding from the EU or the National Science Foundation. :)
2024.06.01 14:20 Polypedatess Is this even bad enough to have ptsd from
I'm just so tired all the time, it literally feels like I can sleep all day. I have a normal sleep schedule, but everyday I just feel so exhausted. I have dark circles under my eyes and I have no energy to do anything anymore. I just lay in bed all day and want to rot. I feel suicidal, I just want to die all the time and it's getting worse. I get nightmares of him, not of what exactly happened but just of different sa from him. I feel like there's no point in going on anymore, I don't think it's going to get better. I don't exactly know what it's like to have a flashback, but I think I've experienced them. I have really bad maladaptive daydreaming, but I don't think it's that. It's like I'm there again, I can't control it or stop it or rewind it. It's like it's happening all over again and that I'm there and I can feel it. When it's happening I just sit there and cry and I feel like screaming but I obviously can't do that so I have to hold it in. My head feels like it's burning constantly too, like the back of my head feels so fucking warm and hot. Like my brain is melting. And I just want to die and I'm so tired I just want to sleep and never wake up again.
•The one big thing that makes me feel valid is that, when I was 11, my stepdad fingered me in my bedroom. I won't go in to too much detail or anything, it's unimportant. But the entire time he just stared at me and everything was silent, like he was waiting for my reaction. Our relationship has always been odd, so I wanted it. But eventually I got scared and told him something, I don't remember what it was but it got him to stop immediately and he apologised too. I don't remember much after, as in I don't know if he left my room or I left first, but I immediately went to the bathroom. Which was when I discovered I was bleeding.
•Around this time, for some strange reason I would repeatedly say to him "fuck me daddy." This would either be in person, or over messages. I remember once, when I was in school, I messaged him that. He told me to stop in case one of my friends saw. I don't know why he didn't tell me to stop for other reasons.
•One day, after telling him that in person, we were in my parents bedroom. I was sat on his bed and he was in front of me in his weird chair. He then started going in to detail about how I wanted him to fuck me, I can't remember exactly what he said, it was like I zoned out. Everytime I try to recall it now it literally feels like bugs start to crawl up me, I don't understand why. I remember the last part, and his really disgusting hushed and gentle voice. He asked if I wanted him to "cum inside of me", or he was just explaining how that would finish. I'm not really sure.
•Still around this same time period of me being 11-12, I would ask him to 'squish me.' The reason why we would call it that is because I would be on my back, my legs would be up all the way to where my head is and he would be on top of me in a way that would 'squish me'. Basically like that one sex position. I would usually be wearing my school uniform when that would happen, so a skirt. During the 'squishing', he would push down on me, so our crotches would basically be against eachother. I don't know why, but I would continuously ask him to 'squish me' and during it I would even say the whole "fuck me daddy" thing. Only recently have I realised that he was probably just pretending to fuck me.
•Other things had happened around that age too, like how we would talk about how many times we masturbated a day and compare it to eachother. Sometimes if I was abruptly going to my room, he would ask if I was going to go masturbate, since we were 'close like that' I would tell him. He would often recommend me NSFW Instagram model accounts. I was once tricked in to sending feet pics to this guy, which really isn't that serious and whenever I brought it up with friends they find it fucking hilarious. But the detail I always leave out is that, I did bring that up with my stepdad and he proceeded to tell me that he already knew. Which means he was spying on me through the crack of the door. If that already didn't bother me, I don't understand why he just allowed me to send those pictures, if he was watching why the hell didn't he stop me?
•I'm pretty sure this also happened around the age of 11 as well, recently, a memory resurfaced but I barely remember it. Basically, I was sucking on his neck. I don't remember who said it, but either him or my mum spoke up and laughed, saying that I needed to stop otherwise I would "give him a hickey." The reason why I wouldn't be surprised if my mum was in the room at the time is because she doesn't care about what he does. She knows everything and just doesn't fucking care.
•I'm very sure that, around that age, my parents begun to expose me to their loud sex. I wouldn't be surprised if it started even younger, however. Obviously, I tried to bring it up with them at the ripe old age of 11 and my mum immediately shot me down with a "it's natural." This only stopped recently, around this year, because I had a big panic attack over hearing them and my mum finally felt guilty. I started getting panic attacks over it the minute it started, maybe the panic attacks were a sign of the trauma when I was younger, but I'm convinced it is now. I heard it so many times that I began to get paranoid every night, I would start to hear it even if they weren't upstairs (I sound crazy, I know.) I would get so anxious every night in case I would hear it, to the point I started to really resent them from it. I know fine well I could just go to sleep before them, but sometimes they even woke me up with it, on numerous occasions.
•I'm convinced my stepdad wanted me to hear it. Around the time of it finally stopping, I got mad because i was hearing it again (I'm unsure if it was due to me hearing shit or they actually were) but it caused me to take my bedding and go downstairs to sleep. In the morning, I was rudely awoken to my stepdad slamming the door open and storming past. He's not usually like that when people are sleeping, so it instantly gave me the impression that he was pissed off and the only reason I can think of is that he was angry I wasn't there to listen.
•He used to tease me for my paranoia to. As a way to discourage them from getting intimate, I would leave my door open at night. This happened around this year, but I was doing that again and I messaged my stepdad if they were actually going to sleep. It then somehow turned to him making a dig about how he knew I gets anxious at night and when I asked why he sent me "In case me and your mam have sex. 😜" Before, I tried to resolve this issue by begging them to just tell me if they were gonna have sex or not so I could sleep downstairs (because I was gonna find out the hard way anyways.) And they kept on refusing? Which just gave me the impression that they wanted me to listen more.
•Around 11 again, he would often tell me details about his and my mums sex life. Like how he was always good at pulling out and the only time he would wear a condom is right when he was about to finish. But the reason why my sister came to be was because he just failed to pull out that one time and my mum refused to get an abortion. Another time, he went on about how him and my mother had sex during her period and how they had to use towels and they didn't enjoy it because it was too messy.
•I don't know if he did things before the age of 11, my memories are very faded and it's like there are major gaps throughout everything. I'm worried that he did, however. When I was very young, I remember having no accidents at all during the night. But then, around the ages of 9, I would have an accident basically every night and would get a lot of water infections. I know that's a classic sign of child sexual abuse, but I don't want to jump to conclusions or anything.
•Another reason as to why I believe more things had happened to me than what I know of is because I always seemed to know what sex was when I was young, but I wouldn't know the name or anything specific about it like how to get pregnant or what cum was. Though, even though I didn't know what it was, it was like I always thought about it, I could never not think about sex, it was disgusting. This stayed until I was around 13. I remember where I even asked my 'boyfriend' at the time, we were both around 8, if he wanted to have sex, and I have no idea why.
•Over the years, he would flash me frequently. Everytime, I would always believe it was an accident because he'd never acknowledge it, besides from that one time which he always jokes about it and blames me. Everytime he would flash me, it would either be because of a convenient hole in the crotch of his pants or because he was wearing very lose fit shorts and it would just be hanging out. The more I think about it, I'm very sure he would have been able to feel such a thing, especially when it was poking out of the hole, but it was like he was just oblivious.
•For some strange reason, when I was younger, I would make comments about small dicks. I don't know if I was commenting on his dick specifically, but he would always say the same thing. "Width matters more than length."
•Recently, around 16-17, he made a joke about how he listens to me masturbating. Once he noticed how shocked I looked, he then went on saying about how my vibrator is too quiet to hear.
•Around 17 again, I went to use the shower. The shower I use is the one that's connected to my parents room. When I locked the door, he got madish and started making comments about it. I had to defend myself, saying how 'the door would open on it's own if I didn't lock it'. Eventually, he backed off.
•I don't understand the point in the fucking door and lock to my bedroom anymore. Whenever I decided to lock my door, my parents start shouting at me through the walls, asking why I locked my door. My stepdad barely knocks, it's like a tap and he doesn't even wait sometimes. I remember seeing a past message from an old friend saying how he tried to walk in when I was changing and that he knew I was changing. I didn't explain myself, I really wish I did because I don't remember this.
•(Around 17.) We were messaging eachother and it somehow turned in to him hinting if I saw this one animated video, it was a porn one. I said no, and to that he sent me a screenshot of it. It wasn't anything bad or anything, just the start of it and nothing was revealing, he then asked if I was sure. And how he was surprised that I hadn't.
•(Around 17.) I don't really get my period, we still don't know why. But as I was getting a lot of blood tests, my stepdad was trying to check things off the list of what it could be. One of those being that my opening is just extremely tight I guess, because he asked if I ever tried penetrating myself. I admitted that I did, but I couldn't get it to exactly go in. Which he then decided to make a comment saying how It's just my 'technique'. I wonder if the only reason he asked that was to see if I ever tried anything out of morbid curiosity.
•(Around 17 again.) He randomly bought me dildo's once, I didn't ask him for them, he just bought them for me and it was wildly uncomfortable. Once he gave me them, he asked if I wanted him to show me how to use them. I said no, which he then said something about how if I ever did then I could ask him. I worry what would have happened if I did say yes.
•When I was around 14, I went glamping. I ended up having to share a bed with him. One of the nights, I woke up to his hand just on top my crotch. I tried grabbing it and moving it away but it just fell back down on to it. I don't know if he put it back there on purpose. I still question if it was a dream, I'm very sure it wasn't because I remember going back to sleep, but it still just bugs me.
•Around 17, I was upset for some reason and he was comforting me. During this, he randomly grabbed the inside of my thigh. I usually just wear a shirt and boxers, so he basically just grabbed my naked thigh but I don't know if he was doing it in a comforting way.
•Usually when I draw, I have my knees up to my chest so it's easier to use my tablet. Considering what I wear for pyjamas, I can always see him looking at my crotch when he comes in to my room. If he really can see everything I don't understand why he doesn't just tell me to put my legs down.
•He's made a lot of uncomfortable jokes over the years too. One of the ones that upsets me sometimes is that, when he was measuring me for a binder, I was constantly moving around because it was uncomfortable since I was just in a sports bra. As he was leaving, I think I told him about how it was uncomfortable for me or something along those lines. He then turned around and shouted "oh come on, it's not like i was fingerings your pussy or anything."
•Very recently, I asked him if I looked okay before going to college. After a bit of back and fourth he said "I wouldn't kick you out of bed, maybe you could find someone in college who would do the same."
•Other times when I asked him if I looked okay, he'd go on tangents about how my ass is great or how he would date me or be too nervous to talk to me if he was my age.
•One of the more recent jokes was when I dropped a mayonnaise lid on my lap. Nothing got on me, but my stepdad turned to me then turned to my mum and shouted "if anyone starts accusing us, just tell them it was mayonnaise!" Or something like that.
•I remember after we watched the new mean girls film, he started going on saying about how he wanted to rewatch it for the Halloween seen (if you know you know) for the 'panty action'. Which rubs me the wrong way because I'm very sure the girls are supposed to be around my age.
•I'm very sure he also made this fake account, pretending to be one of my old groomers that I tried to cut off, just to message me about nsfw topics and ask for pics. It's a whole long yap about paranoia and just suspicions so I won't get into it though. If I tried to provide all the evidence I have, it'll take forever and there's no point.
There's definitely way more things that he's said, joked and done. But I'm only now beginning to realise that they're not okay. Even when I was younger, I was sort of uncomfortable around the jokes so I would just zone out, leading me to not remembering them now.
I probably will never accept that what happened to me was bad, or a big issue. Especially due to the 'lovely' people on here. Thank you for telling me immediately that I was a liar before you even knew what happened, that I shouldn't blame an 'innocent man', that you hope he comes in and rapes me to the point I split open and bleed. Thank you for telling me that my parents were just trying to promote a sex positive household, that some of the things were questionable at most. Thank you so much for saying I deserved it because I didn't send you pictures. You all made me feel like shit and I'm probably never going to tell people in person what happened to me, out of fear I would be ridiculed due to how much of a baby I'm being. I wasn't raped, so I have no place to cry or even think about it. I'm being overdramatic.
If you even read to this point, you're an angel.
submitted by Polypedatess to abusesurvivors [link] [comments]
•The one big thing that makes me feel valid is that, when I was 11, my stepdad fingered me in my bedroom. I won't go in to too much detail or anything, it's unimportant. But the entire time he just stared at me and everything was silent, like he was waiting for my reaction. Our relationship has always been odd, so I wanted it. But eventually I got scared and told him something, I don't remember what it was but it got him to stop immediately and he apologised too. I don't remember much after, as in I don't know if he left my room or I left first, but I immediately went to the bathroom. Which was when I discovered I was bleeding.
•Around this time, for some strange reason I would repeatedly say to him "fuck me daddy." This would either be in person, or over messages. I remember once, when I was in school, I messaged him that. He told me to stop in case one of my friends saw. I don't know why he didn't tell me to stop for other reasons.
•One day, after telling him that in person, we were in my parents bedroom. I was sat on his bed and he was in front of me in his weird chair. He then started going in to detail about how I wanted him to fuck me, I can't remember exactly what he said, it was like I zoned out. Everytime I try to recall it now it literally feels like bugs start to crawl up me, I don't understand why. I remember the last part, and his really disgusting hushed and gentle voice. He asked if I wanted him to "cum inside of me", or he was just explaining how that would finish. I'm not really sure.
•Still around this same time period of me being 11-12, I would ask him to 'squish me.' The reason why we would call it that is because I would be on my back, my legs would be up all the way to where my head is and he would be on top of me in a way that would 'squish me'. Basically like that one sex position. I would usually be wearing my school uniform when that would happen, so a skirt. During the 'squishing', he would push down on me, so our crotches would basically be against eachother. I don't know why, but I would continuously ask him to 'squish me' and during it I would even say the whole "fuck me daddy" thing. Only recently have I realised that he was probably just pretending to fuck me.
•Other things had happened around that age too, like how we would talk about how many times we masturbated a day and compare it to eachother. Sometimes if I was abruptly going to my room, he would ask if I was going to go masturbate, since we were 'close like that' I would tell him. He would often recommend me NSFW Instagram model accounts. I was once tricked in to sending feet pics to this guy, which really isn't that serious and whenever I brought it up with friends they find it fucking hilarious. But the detail I always leave out is that, I did bring that up with my stepdad and he proceeded to tell me that he already knew. Which means he was spying on me through the crack of the door. If that already didn't bother me, I don't understand why he just allowed me to send those pictures, if he was watching why the hell didn't he stop me?
•I'm pretty sure this also happened around the age of 11 as well, recently, a memory resurfaced but I barely remember it. Basically, I was sucking on his neck. I don't remember who said it, but either him or my mum spoke up and laughed, saying that I needed to stop otherwise I would "give him a hickey." The reason why I wouldn't be surprised if my mum was in the room at the time is because she doesn't care about what he does. She knows everything and just doesn't fucking care.
•I'm very sure that, around that age, my parents begun to expose me to their loud sex. I wouldn't be surprised if it started even younger, however. Obviously, I tried to bring it up with them at the ripe old age of 11 and my mum immediately shot me down with a "it's natural." This only stopped recently, around this year, because I had a big panic attack over hearing them and my mum finally felt guilty. I started getting panic attacks over it the minute it started, maybe the panic attacks were a sign of the trauma when I was younger, but I'm convinced it is now. I heard it so many times that I began to get paranoid every night, I would start to hear it even if they weren't upstairs (I sound crazy, I know.) I would get so anxious every night in case I would hear it, to the point I started to really resent them from it. I know fine well I could just go to sleep before them, but sometimes they even woke me up with it, on numerous occasions.
•I'm convinced my stepdad wanted me to hear it. Around the time of it finally stopping, I got mad because i was hearing it again (I'm unsure if it was due to me hearing shit or they actually were) but it caused me to take my bedding and go downstairs to sleep. In the morning, I was rudely awoken to my stepdad slamming the door open and storming past. He's not usually like that when people are sleeping, so it instantly gave me the impression that he was pissed off and the only reason I can think of is that he was angry I wasn't there to listen.
•He used to tease me for my paranoia to. As a way to discourage them from getting intimate, I would leave my door open at night. This happened around this year, but I was doing that again and I messaged my stepdad if they were actually going to sleep. It then somehow turned to him making a dig about how he knew I gets anxious at night and when I asked why he sent me "In case me and your mam have sex. 😜" Before, I tried to resolve this issue by begging them to just tell me if they were gonna have sex or not so I could sleep downstairs (because I was gonna find out the hard way anyways.) And they kept on refusing? Which just gave me the impression that they wanted me to listen more.
•Around 11 again, he would often tell me details about his and my mums sex life. Like how he was always good at pulling out and the only time he would wear a condom is right when he was about to finish. But the reason why my sister came to be was because he just failed to pull out that one time and my mum refused to get an abortion. Another time, he went on about how him and my mother had sex during her period and how they had to use towels and they didn't enjoy it because it was too messy.
•I don't know if he did things before the age of 11, my memories are very faded and it's like there are major gaps throughout everything. I'm worried that he did, however. When I was very young, I remember having no accidents at all during the night. But then, around the ages of 9, I would have an accident basically every night and would get a lot of water infections. I know that's a classic sign of child sexual abuse, but I don't want to jump to conclusions or anything.
•Another reason as to why I believe more things had happened to me than what I know of is because I always seemed to know what sex was when I was young, but I wouldn't know the name or anything specific about it like how to get pregnant or what cum was. Though, even though I didn't know what it was, it was like I always thought about it, I could never not think about sex, it was disgusting. This stayed until I was around 13. I remember where I even asked my 'boyfriend' at the time, we were both around 8, if he wanted to have sex, and I have no idea why.
•Over the years, he would flash me frequently. Everytime, I would always believe it was an accident because he'd never acknowledge it, besides from that one time which he always jokes about it and blames me. Everytime he would flash me, it would either be because of a convenient hole in the crotch of his pants or because he was wearing very lose fit shorts and it would just be hanging out. The more I think about it, I'm very sure he would have been able to feel such a thing, especially when it was poking out of the hole, but it was like he was just oblivious.
•For some strange reason, when I was younger, I would make comments about small dicks. I don't know if I was commenting on his dick specifically, but he would always say the same thing. "Width matters more than length."
•Recently, around 16-17, he made a joke about how he listens to me masturbating. Once he noticed how shocked I looked, he then went on saying about how my vibrator is too quiet to hear.
•Around 17 again, I went to use the shower. The shower I use is the one that's connected to my parents room. When I locked the door, he got madish and started making comments about it. I had to defend myself, saying how 'the door would open on it's own if I didn't lock it'. Eventually, he backed off.
•I don't understand the point in the fucking door and lock to my bedroom anymore. Whenever I decided to lock my door, my parents start shouting at me through the walls, asking why I locked my door. My stepdad barely knocks, it's like a tap and he doesn't even wait sometimes. I remember seeing a past message from an old friend saying how he tried to walk in when I was changing and that he knew I was changing. I didn't explain myself, I really wish I did because I don't remember this.
•(Around 17.) We were messaging eachother and it somehow turned in to him hinting if I saw this one animated video, it was a porn one. I said no, and to that he sent me a screenshot of it. It wasn't anything bad or anything, just the start of it and nothing was revealing, he then asked if I was sure. And how he was surprised that I hadn't.
•(Around 17.) I don't really get my period, we still don't know why. But as I was getting a lot of blood tests, my stepdad was trying to check things off the list of what it could be. One of those being that my opening is just extremely tight I guess, because he asked if I ever tried penetrating myself. I admitted that I did, but I couldn't get it to exactly go in. Which he then decided to make a comment saying how It's just my 'technique'. I wonder if the only reason he asked that was to see if I ever tried anything out of morbid curiosity.
•(Around 17 again.) He randomly bought me dildo's once, I didn't ask him for them, he just bought them for me and it was wildly uncomfortable. Once he gave me them, he asked if I wanted him to show me how to use them. I said no, which he then said something about how if I ever did then I could ask him. I worry what would have happened if I did say yes.
•When I was around 14, I went glamping. I ended up having to share a bed with him. One of the nights, I woke up to his hand just on top my crotch. I tried grabbing it and moving it away but it just fell back down on to it. I don't know if he put it back there on purpose. I still question if it was a dream, I'm very sure it wasn't because I remember going back to sleep, but it still just bugs me.
•Around 17, I was upset for some reason and he was comforting me. During this, he randomly grabbed the inside of my thigh. I usually just wear a shirt and boxers, so he basically just grabbed my naked thigh but I don't know if he was doing it in a comforting way.
•Usually when I draw, I have my knees up to my chest so it's easier to use my tablet. Considering what I wear for pyjamas, I can always see him looking at my crotch when he comes in to my room. If he really can see everything I don't understand why he doesn't just tell me to put my legs down.
•He's made a lot of uncomfortable jokes over the years too. One of the ones that upsets me sometimes is that, when he was measuring me for a binder, I was constantly moving around because it was uncomfortable since I was just in a sports bra. As he was leaving, I think I told him about how it was uncomfortable for me or something along those lines. He then turned around and shouted "oh come on, it's not like i was fingerings your pussy or anything."
•Very recently, I asked him if I looked okay before going to college. After a bit of back and fourth he said "I wouldn't kick you out of bed, maybe you could find someone in college who would do the same."
•Other times when I asked him if I looked okay, he'd go on tangents about how my ass is great or how he would date me or be too nervous to talk to me if he was my age.
•One of the more recent jokes was when I dropped a mayonnaise lid on my lap. Nothing got on me, but my stepdad turned to me then turned to my mum and shouted "if anyone starts accusing us, just tell them it was mayonnaise!" Or something like that.
•I remember after we watched the new mean girls film, he started going on saying about how he wanted to rewatch it for the Halloween seen (if you know you know) for the 'panty action'. Which rubs me the wrong way because I'm very sure the girls are supposed to be around my age.
•I'm very sure he also made this fake account, pretending to be one of my old groomers that I tried to cut off, just to message me about nsfw topics and ask for pics. It's a whole long yap about paranoia and just suspicions so I won't get into it though. If I tried to provide all the evidence I have, it'll take forever and there's no point.
There's definitely way more things that he's said, joked and done. But I'm only now beginning to realise that they're not okay. Even when I was younger, I was sort of uncomfortable around the jokes so I would just zone out, leading me to not remembering them now.
I probably will never accept that what happened to me was bad, or a big issue. Especially due to the 'lovely' people on here. Thank you for telling me immediately that I was a liar before you even knew what happened, that I shouldn't blame an 'innocent man', that you hope he comes in and rapes me to the point I split open and bleed. Thank you for telling me that my parents were just trying to promote a sex positive household, that some of the things were questionable at most. Thank you so much for saying I deserved it because I didn't send you pictures. You all made me feel like shit and I'm probably never going to tell people in person what happened to me, out of fear I would be ridiculed due to how much of a baby I'm being. I wasn't raped, so I have no place to cry or even think about it. I'm being overdramatic.
If you even read to this point, you're an angel.
2024.06.01 14:19 sahil_parakh30 [Store] Crownfall 2024/August 2023 Collectors/Diretide 2022/Aghanim's/Nemestice/TI10/TI9/TI8/TI7 Collector's Caches Sets
350+/1800$ Gift Trades in 6 years
Made a Google doc because the list is long
MY Trade ReputationYOUR FAVOURITE SELLER IS BACK FOR 6TH YEAR IN A ROW. CHECK MY REP THREAD
CACHE Price Increases as I stock out & Reservation is Compulsory
Want Paypal/Zelle/Venmo/GooglePay/PayTm worth the listed Amount or Items (1.2x - STEAM TAX). I will not go first. The link to add me :LINK to ADD ME
Crownfall Treasure Chest 3 (Buy 3+ More at 10% / 6+ More at 20% / 9+ More at 30% discount)
| Item | Quantity | Price | Type | Reserved |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| (Phantom Lancer) Flock of Avilliva | 1 | 25$ or Items | Very Rare Treasure 3 | Only ONE |
| (Oracle) Prophecies of Pavo | 3 | 7.5$ or Items | Rare Treasure 3 | None |
| (Shadow Fiend) Raven Harvest | 5 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 3 | None |
| (Bane) Tome of Infinite Terror | 5 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 3 | None |
| (Queen of Pain) The Rose of Ristul | 5 | 3$ or Items | Treasure 3 | One Reserved |
| (Mars) Mars Gallus | 5 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 3 | None |
| (Treant Protector) Spina Infernalis | 5 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 3 | None |
| (Death Prophet) Draconic Requiem | 5 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 3 | None |
| (Visage) Grimfeather the Grotesque | 5 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 3 | One Reserved |
| (Alchemist) Potion Potentate | 5 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 3 | None |
Crownfall Treasure Chest 1 & 2 (Buy 3+ More at 10% / 6+ More at 20% / 9+ More at 30% discount)
| Item | Quantity | Price | Type | Reserved |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Mocking Bird (Meepo) | 4 | 20$ or Items | Very Rare Treasure 1 | None |
| Ravencloak (Drow Ranger) | 3 | 55$ | Very Rare Treasure 2 | Two Reserved Last Left |
| Whispering Wings (Silencer) | 6 | 8$ or Items | Rare Treasure 1 | None |
| Crown of the Condor (Wraith King) | 6 | 8.5$ or Items | Rare Treasure 1 | One Sold 5 Left |
| Thunderbird (Zeus) | 5 | 7$ or Items | Rare Treasure 2 | None |
| Birdfeed Bandit (Hood Wink) | 4 | 8$ or Items | Rare Treasure 2 | None |
| Blood Raven (Blood Seeker) | 10 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 1 | None |
| Tines of the Pyrexae (Jakiro) | 8 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 1 | None |
| Imperial Ember (Lina) | 8 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 1 | None |
| Designs of Ancient Druud (Disruptor) | 8 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 1 | None |
| Verdant Swarm (Nature Prophet) | 8 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 1 | None |
| Phalanx of the Bronze Eagle (Legion Commander) | 8 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 1 | None |
| Raven of Ristul (Queen of Pain) | 8 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 1 | None |
| Eyes in the Endless Dark (Shadow Shaman) | 8 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 1 | One Reserved |
| Crystalline Crown (Ancient Apparition) | 6 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 2 | None |
| Flight of the Gryphon Lord (Keeper of the Light) | 6 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 2 | None |
| Lionheart (Omnikinght) | 6 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 2 | None |
| Song of the Sea Lotus (Naga Siren) | 7 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 2 | None |
| Keeper of the Nether-Lens (Pugna) | 6 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 2 | None |
| Twitcher (Tinker) | 7 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 2 | None |
| Highborn Heretic (Skywrath Mage) | 7 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 2 | None |
| Mischief of the Winter Moth (Puck) | 6 | 2.5$ or Items | Treasure 2 | None |
AUGUST 2023 Collectors Cache (Buy 3+ More at 10%/ 6+ More at 20%/ 9+ More at 30% discount)
| Item | Quantity | Price | Type | Reserved |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Snailfire (SnapFire) | 2 | 30$ | Very Rare Cache Set | One Sold Last Left |
| Dezun Viper (Dazzle) | 5 | 4$ or Items | Cache Set | One Sold One Reserved |
| Primeval Abomination (Primal Beast) | 5 | 7$ or Items | Cache Set | Three Sold |
| Astral Herald (Dawnbreaker) | 5 | 5.5$ or Items | Cache Set | Two Sold |
| Spectral Shadow (Abaddon) | 5 | 3.5$ or Items | Cache Set | None |
| Taur Rider (Alchemist) | 5 | 4$ or Items | Cache Set | One Sold |
| Crescent Huntress (Spectre) | 5 | 4$ or Items | Cache Set | One Sold |
| Tyrant of the Veil (Wraith King) | 5 | 5.5$ or Items | Cache Set | Two Sold |
| Tomo'kan Footsoldier (Hoodwink) | 5 | 5$ or Items | Cache Set | One Sold |
| Darkwood Eulogy (Death Prophet) | 5 | 3.5$ or Items | Cache Set | None |
| Sea Spirit (Kunkka) | 5 | 5.5$ or Items | Cache Set | Two Sold |
| Triumph of the Imperatrix (Legion Commander) | 5 | 4$ or Items | Cache Set | None |
| Beast of Thunder (Storm Spirit) | 5 | 7$ or Items | Cache Set | Three Sold |
| Ancestral Heritage (Jakiro) | 5 | 4$ or Items | Cache Set | One Sold |
Ultra Rare Immortals 2022
| Item | Quantity | Price | Type | Reserved |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Bloodfeather Finery (Queen of Pain) | 1 | 15$ or Items | Ultra Rare Immortal 2 | LastLeft |
Diretide Collectors Cache-2 2022
| Item | Quantity | Price | Type | Reserved |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Sublime Equilibrium (Void Spirit) | 2 | 45$ or Items | Very Rare Direteide Collectors Cache | One Sold Last Left |
| War Rig Eradicators (Techies) | 5 | 8$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache 2 | Three Sold |
| Sacred Chamber Guardian (Huskar) | 5 | 7$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache 2 | Two Sold One Reserved |
| Acrimonies of Obsession (Vengeful Spirit) | 5 | 7.5$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache 2 | One Sold |
| Freeboot Fortunes (Ogre Magi) | 5 | 4.5$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache 2 | None |
| Withering Pain (Clinkz) | 5 | 6$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache 2 | Two Sold |
| Darkfeather Factioneer (Phantom Assassin) | 5 | 8$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache 2 | Three Sold |
| Feasts of Forever (Night Stalker) | 5 | 5.5$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache 2 | Two Sold |
| Cursed Cryptbreaker (Pudge) | 5 | 5.5$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache 2 | Two Sold |
| Dawn of Darkness Foretold (Doom) | 5 | 10$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache 2 | Three Sold |
| The Wilding Tiger (Brewmaster) | 5 | 11$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache 2 | Four Sold Last Left |
| Transcendent Path (Oracle) | 5 | 7.5$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache 2 | Two Sold |
| Darkbrew´s Transgression (Alchemist) | 5 | 10$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache 2 | Four Sold Last Left |
| Grand Suppressor (Silencer) | 5 | 4.5$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache 2 | Two Sold |
| Bird of Prey (Legion Commander) | 5 | 9$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache 2 | Three Sold One Reserved Last Left |
Diretide Collectors Cache 2022
| Item | Quantity | Price | Type | Reserved |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Blue Horizons(Marci) | 4 | 16$ or Items | Rare Direteide Collectors Cache | Three Sold Last Left |
| Hounds of Obsession (Chen) | 3 | 7.5$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache | Two Sold Last Left |
| Seadog's Stash (Clockwerk) | 3 | 6$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache | One Sold |
| Starlorn Adjudicator (Dawn Breaker) | 3 | 11$ | Direteide Collectors Cache | Two Sold Last Left |
| 3 | 18.5$ | Direteide Collectors Cache | ||
| Crimson Dawn (Phoenix) | 3 | 7$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache | Two Sold Last Left |
| Forgotten Station (Terrorblade) | 3 | 4.5$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache | None |
| Dirge Amplifier (Undying) | 3 | 5.5$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache | One Sold |
| Champion of the Fire Lotus (Monkey King) | 3 | 7.5$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache | Two Sold Last Left |
| Deathstitch Shaman (Witch Doctor) | 3 | 5.5$ or Items | Direteide Collectors Cache | One Sold |
Aghanim's Continuum Cache 2021 / Ti-11
| Item | Quantity | Price | Type | Reserved |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Scales of the Shadow Walker (Phantom Lancer) | 4 | 12$ or Items | Aghanim Cache | Three Sold Last Left |
| Test of the Basilisk Lord (Razor) | 4 | 11.5$ or Items | Aghanim Cache | Three Sold Last Left |
| Secrets of the Frost Singularity (Ancient Apparation) | 4 | 5$ or Items | Aghanim Cache | None |
| Perils of the Red Banks (Chen) | 4 | 7$ or Items | Aghanim Cache | Two Sold Last Left |
| The Chained Scribe (Grimstroke) | 4 | 8$ or Items | Aghanim Cache | One Sold One Reserved |
| Widow of the Undermount Gloom (Broodmother) | 4 | 9.5$ or Items | Aghanim Cache | Three Sold Last Left |
| Forgotten Fate (Mars) | 4 | 5$ or Items | Aghanim Cache | One Sold |
| March of the Crackerjack Mage (Rubick) | 4 | 12$ or Items | Aghanim Cache | Three Sold Last Left |
| Cosmic Concoctioneers (Alchemist) | 4 | 12$ or Items | Aghanim Cache | Two Sold |
| Blightfall (Abbadon) | 4 | 8$ or Items | Aghanim Cache | Two Sold |
Nemestice Cache 2021 / Ti-11
| Item | Quantity | Price | Type | Reserved |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Astral Terminus (Enigma) | 3 | 12$ or Items | Nemestice Cache 1 | One Sold One Reserved Last Left |
| Caerulean Star (Enchantress) | 3 | 9$ or Items | Nemestice Cache 1 | Two Sold Last Left |
Collector's Cache 2020 / Ti-10
| Item | Quantity | Price | Type | Reserved |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 3 | 15$ | TI-10 Rare Cache 2 | ||
| Talons of the Endless Storm (CK/Chaos Knight) | 3 | 7.5$ or Items | TI-10 Cache 2 | One Sold One Reserved Last Left |
| Carousel of the Mystic Masquerade (Rubick) | 3 | 10$ or Items | TI-10 Cache 2 | Two Sold Last Left |
| Blacksail Cannoneer (Sniper) | 3 | 7$ or Items | TI-10 Cache 2 | None |
| Blaze of Oblivion (Phoenix) | 3 | 7$ or Items | TI-10 Cache 2 | None |
| Songs of Starfall Glen (Enchantress) | 3 | 6$ or Items | TI-10 Cache 1 | None |
| Flashpoint Proselyte (Huskar) | 3 | 13$ or Items | TI-10 Cache 1 | Two Sold Last Left |
| Fissured Flight (Jakiro) | 3 | 12$ or Items | TI-10 Cache 1 | Two Sold Last Left |
| Fury of Righteous Storm (Disruptor) | 3 | 6$ or Items | TI-10 Cache 1 | None |
| Apocalypse Unbound (Ancient Apparation) | 3 | 9$ or Items | TI-10 Cache 1 | Two Sold Last left |
Collector's Cache 2019/ Ti-9
| Item | Quantity | Price | Type | Reserved |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Prized Acquisitions (Batrider) | 4 | 7$ | TI-9 Cache Set-2 | Two Sold |
| 4 | 12$ | TI-9 Cache Set-2 | ||
| Directive of the Sunbound(Clockwerk) | 5 | 9$ | TI-9 Cache Set-2 | Four Sold Last Left |
| Distinguished Expeditionary (Tusk) | 4 | 7$ | TI-9 Cache Set-2 | Two Sold |
| Automaton Antiquity (Broodmother) | 5 | 9$ | TI-9 Cache Set-2 | Four Sold Last Left |
| Fury of the Bloodforge (Bloodseeker) | 5 | 9$ | TI-9 Cache Set-2 | Three Sold |
| Tribal Pathways (Warlock) | 5 | 8.5$ | TI-9 Cache Set-2 | Three Sold |
| Verdant Predator (Venomancer) | 5 | 9$ | TI-9 Cache Set-2 | Three Sold |
| The Arts of Mortal Deception (Enigma) | 3 | 9$ | TI-9 Cache Set | Two Sold Last Left |
| Poacher's Bane (Tidehunter) | 3 | 8$ | TI-9 Cache Set | One Sold One Reserved Last Left |
| Riddle of the Hierophant (Oracle) | 3 | 9$ or 3 Keys | TI-9 Cache Set | Two Sold Last Left |
Collector's Cache 2018/ Ti-8
| Item | Quantity | Price | Type | Reserved |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Raiments of the Obsidian Forge (Underlord) | 4 | 18$ | TI-8 Rare Cache Set | Three Sold Last Left |
| Pattern of the Silken Queen (Brood) | 4 | 8$ | TI-8 Cache Set | Three Sold Last Left |
https://steamcommunity.com/id/whatsyouraff (DireTide 2022 Oracle Set Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198063913439 (2021 Gyro, 2020 Huskar, AA, Warlock, Grim Sets Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/Mujou64 (Diretide Cache 2 Doom & Venge Sold Successfuly)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/rudmax (2019 Brood Automation, 2021 Shadow Shaman & Enchantress Reserved - Full Payment Made Advance)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198064920459 (2023 Rare Marci and Dawn Cache Sold successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/Alacaster (2023 AM Ultra Rare, Hoodwink & Dawn Reserved - 14/70 Paid Advance)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/Default_panda (2023 Spectre Cache & Mars Wings of Imperium Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/hollywoodsbleeding_ (2022 LC Cache Set Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198041012739 (2022 Phoneix Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/carantis (2023 Jakiro and Dazzle Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198079185431/ (2023 Rare Treant, 2021 Rare Ogre & PL Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/muruph (2017 DP Cache Reserved Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/LovelasStrasti/ (Techies 2022 Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/uziexe/(2020 Timber Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/SemiOfficialAnthonyAdams (Brewmaster and Oracle Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/V3G3TA (2023 - Wk, Primal, Storm, Alche, 2022 - LC, Techies, Alche Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198829952373/ (2023 Kunka Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/Darkio567/ (2023 Dawnbreaker Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198176999423 (2022 Brew Set Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198325291097/ (2023 Rare Marci Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/Snaily3000/ (2020 Shadow Demon Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/catgirllyra/ (2023 Rare Marci and Diretide 2022 Hoodwink Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198877138961/ (2023 Dazzle and Aghanim Brood Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198059954390/ (Diretide 2022 Rare Antimage, Huskar, 2021 Grimstroke, 2019 Drow, Chen & Tide, 2018 Axe & QOP Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561199173346010/ (2023 Hoodwink Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/LordPlasmarr (2023 WK Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198138951034/ (2023 Primal Beast and Brewmaster Cache Sold Successfully)
https://steamcommunity.com/id/waffler99/ (2023 Rare Marci Cache Reserved - 3.5/13.5 Paid Advance)
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https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561197974015392/ (The newest Clown in town, Asks to buy legacy items, agrees to pay my listed price then tells me 2 days later about not making the payment because he found these sets for only 2 Dollars each which is not possible. Beware and don't add this person)
2024.06.01 14:08 Polypedatess Is this even bad enough to have ptsd
Trigger warning. Also I'm sorry, this is a really long post but I'll bullet point most stuff down.
I'm just so tired all the time, it literally feels like I can sleep all day. I have a normal sleep schedule, but everyday I just feel so exhausted. I have dark circles under my eyes and I have no energy to do anything anymore. I just lay in bed all day and want to rot. I feel suicidal, I just want to die all the time and it's getting worse. I get nightmares of him, not of what exactly happened but just of different sa from him. I feel like there's no point in going on anymore, I don't think it's going to get better. I don't exactly know what it's like to have a flashback, but I think I've experienced them. I have really bad maladaptive daydreaming, but I don't think it's that. It's like I'm there again, I can't control it or stop it or rewind it. It's like it's happening all over again and that I'm there and I can feel it. When it's happening I just sit there and cry and I feel like screaming but I obviously can't do that so I have to hold it in. My head feels like it's burning constantly too, like the back of my head feels so fucking warm and hot. Like my brain is melting. And I just want to die and I'm so tired I just want to sleep and never wake up again.
•The one big thing that makes me feel valid is that, when I was 11, my stepdad fingered me in my bedroom. I won't go in to too much detail or anything, it's unimportant. But the entire time he just stared at me and everything was silent, like he was waiting for my reaction. Our relationship has always been odd, so I wanted it. But eventually I got scared and told him something, I don't remember what it was but it got him to stop immediately and he apologised too. I don't remember much after, as in I don't know if he left my room or I left first, but I immediately went to the bathroom. Which was when I discovered I was bleeding.
•Around this time, for some strange reason I would repeatedly say to him "fuck me daddy." This would either be in person, or over messages. I remember once, when I was in school, I messaged him that. He told me to stop in case one of my friends saw. I don't know why he didn't tell me to stop for other reasons.
•One day, after telling him that in person, we were in my parents bedroom. I was sat on his bed and he was in front of me in his weird chair. He then started going in to detail about how I wanted him to fuck me, I can't remember exactly what he said, it was like I zoned out. Everytime I try to recall it now it literally feels like bugs start to crawl up me, I don't understand why. I remember the last part, and his really disgusting hushed and gentle voice. He asked if I wanted him to "cum inside of me", or he was just explaining how that would finish. I'm not really sure.
•Still around this same time period of me being 11-12, I would ask him to 'squish me.' The reason why we would call it that is because I would be on my back, my legs would be up all the way to where my head is and he would be on top of me in a way that would 'squish me'. Basically like that one sex position. I would usually be wearing my school uniform when that would happen, so a skirt. During the 'squishing', he would push down on me, so our crotches would basically be against eachother. I don't know why, but I would continuously ask him to 'squish me' and during it I would even say the whole "fuck me daddy" thing. Only recently have I realised that he was probably just pretending to fuck me.
•Other things had happened around that age too, like how we would talk about how many times we masturbated a day and compare it to eachother. Sometimes if I was abruptly going to my room, he would ask if I was going to go masturbate, since we were 'close like that' I would tell him. He would often recommend me NSFW Instagram model accounts. I was once tricked in to sending feet pics to this guy, which really isn't that serious and whenever I brought it up with friends they find it fucking hilarious. But the detail I always leave out is that, I did bring that up with my stepdad and he proceeded to tell me that he already knew. Which means he was spying on me through the crack of the door. If that already didn't bother me, I don't understand why he just allowed me to send those pictures, if he was watching why the hell didn't he stop me?
•I'm pretty sure this also happened around the age of 11 as well, recently, a memory resurfaced but I barely remember it. Basically, I was sucking on his neck. I don't remember who said it, but either him or my mum spoke up and laughed, saying that I needed to stop otherwise I would "give him a hickey." The reason why I wouldn't be surprised if my mum was in the room at the time is because she doesn't care about what he does. She knows everything and just doesn't fucking care.
•I'm very sure that, around that age, my parents begun to expose me to their loud sex. I wouldn't be surprised if it started even younger, however. Obviously, I tried to bring it up with them at the ripe old age of 11 and my mum immediately shot me down with a "it's natural." This only stopped recently, around this year, because I had a big panic attack over hearing them and my mum finally felt guilty. I started getting panic attacks over it the minute it started, maybe the panic attacks were a sign of the trauma when I was younger, but I'm convinced it is now. I heard it so many times that I began to get paranoid every night, I would start to hear it even if they weren't upstairs (I sound crazy, I know.) I would get so anxious every night in case I would hear it, to the point I started to really resent them from it. I know fine well I could just go to sleep before them, but sometimes they even woke me up with it, on numerous occasions.
•I'm convinced my stepdad wanted me to hear it. Around the time of it finally stopping, I got mad because i was hearing it again (I'm unsure if it was due to me hearing shit or they actually were) but it caused me to take my bedding and go downstairs to sleep. In the morning, I was rudely awoken to my stepdad slamming the door open and storming past. He's not usually like that when people are sleeping, so it instantly gave me the impression that he was pissed off and the only reason I can think of is that he was angry I wasn't there to listen.
•He used to tease me for my paranoia to. As a way to discourage them from getting intimate, I would leave my door open at night. This happened around this year, but I was doing that again and I messaged my stepdad if they were actually going to sleep. It then somehow turned to him making a dig about how he knew I gets anxious at night and when I asked why he sent me "In case me and your mam have sex. 😜" Before, I tried to resolve this issue by begging them to just tell me if they were gonna have sex or not so I could sleep downstairs (because I was gonna find out the hard way anyways.) And they kept on refusing? Which just gave me the impression that they wanted me to listen more.
•Around 11 again, he would often tell me details about his and my mums sex life. Like how he was always good at pulling out and the only time he would wear a condom is right when he was about to finish. But the reason why my sister came to be was because he just failed to pull out that one time and my mum refused to get an abortion. Another time, he went on about how him and my mother had sex during her period and how they had to use towels and they didn't enjoy it because it was too messy.
•I don't know if he did things before the age of 11, my memories are very faded and it's like there are major gaps throughout everything. I'm worried that he did, however. When I was very young, I remember having no accidents at all during the night. But then, around the ages of 9, I would have an accident basically every night and would get a lot of water infections. I know that's a classic sign of child sexual abuse, but I don't want to jump to conclusions or anything.
•Another reason as to why I believe more things had happened to me than what I know of is because I always seemed to know what sex was when I was young, but I wouldn't know the name or anything specific about it like how to get pregnant or what cum was. Though, even though I didn't know what it was, it was like I always thought about it, I could never not think about sex, it was disgusting. This stayed until I was around 13. I remember where I even asked my 'boyfriend' at the time, we were both around 8, if he wanted to have sex, and I have no idea why.
•Over the years, he would flash me frequently. Everytime, I would always believe it was an accident because he'd never acknowledge it, besides from that one time which he always jokes about it and blames me. Everytime he would flash me, it would either be because of a convenient hole in the crotch of his pants or because he was wearing very lose fit shorts and it would just be hanging out. The more I think about it, I'm very sure he would have been able to feel such a thing, especially when it was poking out of the hole, but it was like he was just oblivious.
•For some strange reason, when I was younger, I would make comments about small dicks. I don't know if I was commenting on his dick specifically, but he would always say the same thing. "Width matters more than length."
•Recently, around 16-17, he made a joke about how he listens to me masturbating. Once he noticed how shocked I looked, he then went on saying about how my vibrator is too quiet to hear.
•Around 17 again, I went to use the shower. The shower I use is the one that's connected to my parents room. When I locked the door, he got madish and started making comments about it. I had to defend myself, saying how 'the door would open on it's own if I didn't lock it'. Eventually, he backed off.
•I don't understand the point in the fucking door and lock to my bedroom anymore. Whenever I decided to lock my door, my parents start shouting at me through the walls, asking why I locked my door. My stepdad barely knocks, it's like a tap and he doesn't even wait sometimes. I remember seeing a past message from an old friend saying how he tried to walk in when I was changing and that he knew I was changing. I didn't explain myself, I really wish I did because I don't remember this.
•(Around 17.) We were messaging eachother and it somehow turned in to him hinting if I saw this one animated video, it was a porn one. I said no, and to that he sent me a screenshot of it. It wasn't anything bad or anything, just the start of it and nothing was revealing, he then asked if I was sure. And how he was surprised that I hadn't.
•(Around 17.) I don't really get my period, we still don't know why. But as I was getting a lot of blood tests, my stepdad was trying to check things off the list of what it could be. One of those being that my opening is just extremely tight I guess, because he asked if I ever tried penetrating myself. I admitted that I did, but I couldn't get it to exactly go in. Which he then decided to make a comment saying how It's just my 'technique'. I wonder if the only reason he asked that was to see if I ever tried anything out of morbid curiosity.
•(Around 17 again.) He randomly bought me dildo's once, I didn't ask him for them, he just bought them for me and it was wildly uncomfortable. Once he gave me them, he asked if I wanted him to show me how to use them. I said no, which he then said something about how if I ever did then I could ask him. I worry what would have happened if I did say yes.
•When I was around 14, I went glamping. I ended up having to share a bed with him. One of the nights, I woke up to his hand just on top my crotch. I tried grabbing it and moving it away but it just fell back down on to it. I don't know if he put it back there on purpose. I still question if it was a dream, I'm very sure it wasn't because I remember going back to sleep, but it still just bugs me.
•Around 17, I was upset for some reason and he was comforting me. During this, he randomly grabbed the inside of my thigh. I usually just wear a shirt and boxers, so he basically just grabbed my naked thigh but I don't know if he was doing it in a comforting way.
•Usually when I draw, I have my knees up to my chest so it's easier to use my tablet. Considering what I wear for pyjamas, I can always see him looking at my crotch when he comes in to my room. If he really can see everything I don't understand why he doesn't just tell me to put my legs down.
•He's made a lot of uncomfortable jokes over the years too. One of the ones that upsets me sometimes is that, when he was measuring me for a binder, I was constantly moving around because it was uncomfortable since I was just in a sports bra. As he was leaving, I think I told him about how it was uncomfortable for me or something along those lines. He then turned around and shouted "oh come on, it's not like i was fingerings your pussy or anything."
•Very recently, I asked him if I looked okay before going to college. After a bit of back and fourth he said "I wouldn't kick you out of bed, maybe you could find someone in college who would do the same."
•Other times when I asked him if I looked okay, he'd go on tangents about how my ass is great or how he would date me or be too nervous to talk to me if he was my age.
•One of the more recent jokes was when I dropped a mayonnaise lid on my lap. Nothing got on me, but my stepdad turned to me then turned to my mum and shouted "if anyone starts accusing us, just tell them it was mayonnaise!" Or something like that.
•I remember after we watched the new mean girls film, he started going on saying about how he wanted to rewatch it for the Halloween seen (if you know you know) for the 'panty action'. Which rubs me the wrong way because I'm very sure the girls are supposed to be around my age.
•I'm very sure he also made this fake account, pretending to be one of my old groomers that I tried to cut off, just to message me about nsfw topics and ask for pics. It's a whole long yap about paranoia and just suspicions so I won't get into it though. If I tried to provide all the evidence I have, it'll take forever and there's no point.
There's definitely way more things that he's said, joked and done. But I'm only now beginning to realise that they're not okay. Even when I was younger, I was sort of uncomfortable around the jokes so I would just zone out, leading me to not remembering them now.
I probably will never accept that what happened to me was bad, or a big issue. Especially due to the 'lovely' people on here. Thank you for telling me immediately that I was a liar before you even knew what happened, that I shouldn't blame an 'innocent man', that you hope he comes in and rapes me to the point I split open and bleed. Thank you for telling me that my parents were just trying to promote a sex positive household, that some of the things were questionable at most. Thank you so much for saying I deserved it because I didn't send you pictures. You all made me feel like shit and I'm probably never going to tell people in person what happened to me, out of fear I would be ridiculed due to how much of a baby I'm being. I wasn't raped, so I have no place to cry or even think about it. I'm being overdramatic.
If you even read to this point, you're an angel.
submitted by Polypedatess to ptsd [link] [comments]
I'm just so tired all the time, it literally feels like I can sleep all day. I have a normal sleep schedule, but everyday I just feel so exhausted. I have dark circles under my eyes and I have no energy to do anything anymore. I just lay in bed all day and want to rot. I feel suicidal, I just want to die all the time and it's getting worse. I get nightmares of him, not of what exactly happened but just of different sa from him. I feel like there's no point in going on anymore, I don't think it's going to get better. I don't exactly know what it's like to have a flashback, but I think I've experienced them. I have really bad maladaptive daydreaming, but I don't think it's that. It's like I'm there again, I can't control it or stop it or rewind it. It's like it's happening all over again and that I'm there and I can feel it. When it's happening I just sit there and cry and I feel like screaming but I obviously can't do that so I have to hold it in. My head feels like it's burning constantly too, like the back of my head feels so fucking warm and hot. Like my brain is melting. And I just want to die and I'm so tired I just want to sleep and never wake up again.
•The one big thing that makes me feel valid is that, when I was 11, my stepdad fingered me in my bedroom. I won't go in to too much detail or anything, it's unimportant. But the entire time he just stared at me and everything was silent, like he was waiting for my reaction. Our relationship has always been odd, so I wanted it. But eventually I got scared and told him something, I don't remember what it was but it got him to stop immediately and he apologised too. I don't remember much after, as in I don't know if he left my room or I left first, but I immediately went to the bathroom. Which was when I discovered I was bleeding.
•Around this time, for some strange reason I would repeatedly say to him "fuck me daddy." This would either be in person, or over messages. I remember once, when I was in school, I messaged him that. He told me to stop in case one of my friends saw. I don't know why he didn't tell me to stop for other reasons.
•One day, after telling him that in person, we were in my parents bedroom. I was sat on his bed and he was in front of me in his weird chair. He then started going in to detail about how I wanted him to fuck me, I can't remember exactly what he said, it was like I zoned out. Everytime I try to recall it now it literally feels like bugs start to crawl up me, I don't understand why. I remember the last part, and his really disgusting hushed and gentle voice. He asked if I wanted him to "cum inside of me", or he was just explaining how that would finish. I'm not really sure.
•Still around this same time period of me being 11-12, I would ask him to 'squish me.' The reason why we would call it that is because I would be on my back, my legs would be up all the way to where my head is and he would be on top of me in a way that would 'squish me'. Basically like that one sex position. I would usually be wearing my school uniform when that would happen, so a skirt. During the 'squishing', he would push down on me, so our crotches would basically be against eachother. I don't know why, but I would continuously ask him to 'squish me' and during it I would even say the whole "fuck me daddy" thing. Only recently have I realised that he was probably just pretending to fuck me.
•Other things had happened around that age too, like how we would talk about how many times we masturbated a day and compare it to eachother. Sometimes if I was abruptly going to my room, he would ask if I was going to go masturbate, since we were 'close like that' I would tell him. He would often recommend me NSFW Instagram model accounts. I was once tricked in to sending feet pics to this guy, which really isn't that serious and whenever I brought it up with friends they find it fucking hilarious. But the detail I always leave out is that, I did bring that up with my stepdad and he proceeded to tell me that he already knew. Which means he was spying on me through the crack of the door. If that already didn't bother me, I don't understand why he just allowed me to send those pictures, if he was watching why the hell didn't he stop me?
•I'm pretty sure this also happened around the age of 11 as well, recently, a memory resurfaced but I barely remember it. Basically, I was sucking on his neck. I don't remember who said it, but either him or my mum spoke up and laughed, saying that I needed to stop otherwise I would "give him a hickey." The reason why I wouldn't be surprised if my mum was in the room at the time is because she doesn't care about what he does. She knows everything and just doesn't fucking care.
•I'm very sure that, around that age, my parents begun to expose me to their loud sex. I wouldn't be surprised if it started even younger, however. Obviously, I tried to bring it up with them at the ripe old age of 11 and my mum immediately shot me down with a "it's natural." This only stopped recently, around this year, because I had a big panic attack over hearing them and my mum finally felt guilty. I started getting panic attacks over it the minute it started, maybe the panic attacks were a sign of the trauma when I was younger, but I'm convinced it is now. I heard it so many times that I began to get paranoid every night, I would start to hear it even if they weren't upstairs (I sound crazy, I know.) I would get so anxious every night in case I would hear it, to the point I started to really resent them from it. I know fine well I could just go to sleep before them, but sometimes they even woke me up with it, on numerous occasions.
•I'm convinced my stepdad wanted me to hear it. Around the time of it finally stopping, I got mad because i was hearing it again (I'm unsure if it was due to me hearing shit or they actually were) but it caused me to take my bedding and go downstairs to sleep. In the morning, I was rudely awoken to my stepdad slamming the door open and storming past. He's not usually like that when people are sleeping, so it instantly gave me the impression that he was pissed off and the only reason I can think of is that he was angry I wasn't there to listen.
•He used to tease me for my paranoia to. As a way to discourage them from getting intimate, I would leave my door open at night. This happened around this year, but I was doing that again and I messaged my stepdad if they were actually going to sleep. It then somehow turned to him making a dig about how he knew I gets anxious at night and when I asked why he sent me "In case me and your mam have sex. 😜" Before, I tried to resolve this issue by begging them to just tell me if they were gonna have sex or not so I could sleep downstairs (because I was gonna find out the hard way anyways.) And they kept on refusing? Which just gave me the impression that they wanted me to listen more.
•Around 11 again, he would often tell me details about his and my mums sex life. Like how he was always good at pulling out and the only time he would wear a condom is right when he was about to finish. But the reason why my sister came to be was because he just failed to pull out that one time and my mum refused to get an abortion. Another time, he went on about how him and my mother had sex during her period and how they had to use towels and they didn't enjoy it because it was too messy.
•I don't know if he did things before the age of 11, my memories are very faded and it's like there are major gaps throughout everything. I'm worried that he did, however. When I was very young, I remember having no accidents at all during the night. But then, around the ages of 9, I would have an accident basically every night and would get a lot of water infections. I know that's a classic sign of child sexual abuse, but I don't want to jump to conclusions or anything.
•Another reason as to why I believe more things had happened to me than what I know of is because I always seemed to know what sex was when I was young, but I wouldn't know the name or anything specific about it like how to get pregnant or what cum was. Though, even though I didn't know what it was, it was like I always thought about it, I could never not think about sex, it was disgusting. This stayed until I was around 13. I remember where I even asked my 'boyfriend' at the time, we were both around 8, if he wanted to have sex, and I have no idea why.
•Over the years, he would flash me frequently. Everytime, I would always believe it was an accident because he'd never acknowledge it, besides from that one time which he always jokes about it and blames me. Everytime he would flash me, it would either be because of a convenient hole in the crotch of his pants or because he was wearing very lose fit shorts and it would just be hanging out. The more I think about it, I'm very sure he would have been able to feel such a thing, especially when it was poking out of the hole, but it was like he was just oblivious.
•For some strange reason, when I was younger, I would make comments about small dicks. I don't know if I was commenting on his dick specifically, but he would always say the same thing. "Width matters more than length."
•Recently, around 16-17, he made a joke about how he listens to me masturbating. Once he noticed how shocked I looked, he then went on saying about how my vibrator is too quiet to hear.
•Around 17 again, I went to use the shower. The shower I use is the one that's connected to my parents room. When I locked the door, he got madish and started making comments about it. I had to defend myself, saying how 'the door would open on it's own if I didn't lock it'. Eventually, he backed off.
•I don't understand the point in the fucking door and lock to my bedroom anymore. Whenever I decided to lock my door, my parents start shouting at me through the walls, asking why I locked my door. My stepdad barely knocks, it's like a tap and he doesn't even wait sometimes. I remember seeing a past message from an old friend saying how he tried to walk in when I was changing and that he knew I was changing. I didn't explain myself, I really wish I did because I don't remember this.
•(Around 17.) We were messaging eachother and it somehow turned in to him hinting if I saw this one animated video, it was a porn one. I said no, and to that he sent me a screenshot of it. It wasn't anything bad or anything, just the start of it and nothing was revealing, he then asked if I was sure. And how he was surprised that I hadn't.
•(Around 17.) I don't really get my period, we still don't know why. But as I was getting a lot of blood tests, my stepdad was trying to check things off the list of what it could be. One of those being that my opening is just extremely tight I guess, because he asked if I ever tried penetrating myself. I admitted that I did, but I couldn't get it to exactly go in. Which he then decided to make a comment saying how It's just my 'technique'. I wonder if the only reason he asked that was to see if I ever tried anything out of morbid curiosity.
•(Around 17 again.) He randomly bought me dildo's once, I didn't ask him for them, he just bought them for me and it was wildly uncomfortable. Once he gave me them, he asked if I wanted him to show me how to use them. I said no, which he then said something about how if I ever did then I could ask him. I worry what would have happened if I did say yes.
•When I was around 14, I went glamping. I ended up having to share a bed with him. One of the nights, I woke up to his hand just on top my crotch. I tried grabbing it and moving it away but it just fell back down on to it. I don't know if he put it back there on purpose. I still question if it was a dream, I'm very sure it wasn't because I remember going back to sleep, but it still just bugs me.
•Around 17, I was upset for some reason and he was comforting me. During this, he randomly grabbed the inside of my thigh. I usually just wear a shirt and boxers, so he basically just grabbed my naked thigh but I don't know if he was doing it in a comforting way.
•Usually when I draw, I have my knees up to my chest so it's easier to use my tablet. Considering what I wear for pyjamas, I can always see him looking at my crotch when he comes in to my room. If he really can see everything I don't understand why he doesn't just tell me to put my legs down.
•He's made a lot of uncomfortable jokes over the years too. One of the ones that upsets me sometimes is that, when he was measuring me for a binder, I was constantly moving around because it was uncomfortable since I was just in a sports bra. As he was leaving, I think I told him about how it was uncomfortable for me or something along those lines. He then turned around and shouted "oh come on, it's not like i was fingerings your pussy or anything."
•Very recently, I asked him if I looked okay before going to college. After a bit of back and fourth he said "I wouldn't kick you out of bed, maybe you could find someone in college who would do the same."
•Other times when I asked him if I looked okay, he'd go on tangents about how my ass is great or how he would date me or be too nervous to talk to me if he was my age.
•One of the more recent jokes was when I dropped a mayonnaise lid on my lap. Nothing got on me, but my stepdad turned to me then turned to my mum and shouted "if anyone starts accusing us, just tell them it was mayonnaise!" Or something like that.
•I remember after we watched the new mean girls film, he started going on saying about how he wanted to rewatch it for the Halloween seen (if you know you know) for the 'panty action'. Which rubs me the wrong way because I'm very sure the girls are supposed to be around my age.
•I'm very sure he also made this fake account, pretending to be one of my old groomers that I tried to cut off, just to message me about nsfw topics and ask for pics. It's a whole long yap about paranoia and just suspicions so I won't get into it though. If I tried to provide all the evidence I have, it'll take forever and there's no point.
There's definitely way more things that he's said, joked and done. But I'm only now beginning to realise that they're not okay. Even when I was younger, I was sort of uncomfortable around the jokes so I would just zone out, leading me to not remembering them now.
I probably will never accept that what happened to me was bad, or a big issue. Especially due to the 'lovely' people on here. Thank you for telling me immediately that I was a liar before you even knew what happened, that I shouldn't blame an 'innocent man', that you hope he comes in and rapes me to the point I split open and bleed. Thank you for telling me that my parents were just trying to promote a sex positive household, that some of the things were questionable at most. Thank you so much for saying I deserved it because I didn't send you pictures. You all made me feel like shit and I'm probably never going to tell people in person what happened to me, out of fear I would be ridiculed due to how much of a baby I'm being. I wasn't raped, so I have no place to cry or even think about it. I'm being overdramatic.
If you even read to this point, you're an angel.
2024.06.01 14:00 stel1234 [Meta] r/mashups Request and resource thread for June 2024 + Discord server
June 2024 request and resource thread
Welcome to the all new mashup request and resource thread for June 2024!Guidelines
- This is the thread to make your mashup requests in.
- Try to be as descriptive as possible.
- If someone wants to fulfill your request they should mention that in here.
- We no longer allow user created request threads for new mashups.
Please join our official Discord server!
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- Request Thread for April 2024
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- Request Thread for July 2022
- Request Thread for June 2022
- Request Thread for May 2022
- Request Thread for April 2022
- Fall Request Thread for 2021
- Summer Mashup Request Thread for 2021
- Monthly Request Thread for April, 2021
- Most resources are on the mashups Discord server: https://discord.gg/pyBFv5zjzX
- New guide to making mashups: How to Make Good Mashups (new)
- Mashup artists are more willing to do your request if the songs are close in key (+/- 2 semitones) and BPM (+/- 10%, but can stretch to +/- 20% or more)
- Need song keys? Consult these key databases first and verify by ear
- Need song BPMs? Tunebat can be ok, but most DJ software good for key already do it better
- Title format for mashup submissions on /mashups: [Optional Tag] Mashup Artist - Song Name (Artists Being Mashed) Optional Comments
- For example: Carlos Serrano - Something About The Fire (Daft Punk, Adele)
- Please include the mashup artist in mashup submission titles to make them searchable
- Use link posts when sharing links, especially to YouTube or SoundCloud. Please do not use text posts with only links to audio because the audio does not embed.
- When sharing SoundCloud links, please use the soundcloud.com domain, not snd DOT sc and not on DOT soundcloud DOT com. The other links do not embed on Desktop.
- Do not use link shorteners (like bit DOT ly). We have no idea where these kinds of links go and get instantly blocked by spam filters. Save these for the mashup descriptions on YouTube/SoundCloud/etc pages.
- Title format for other mashup-related content: [Tag] Description
- For example: [Discussion] Where else do you find mashups?
- In all cases, [Tag] always goes in front and can be any of the following: [Discussion], [Meta], [News], [Contest], [Resource], [Meme], [Album], [Mix], [Year End], [Year-End], or [Demo].
- Do NOT use the [Mix] tag for individual mashups. This is reserved for long mixes/DJ sets that include mashups.
- Mashup snippets posted to TikTok or YouTube Shorts are generally not considered complete mashups. For these, please use the [Demo] tag so users know not to expect a finished mashup.
2024.06.01 13:22 kazrock821 Longetivity of G29
Hello simracers, Im fairly new to sim racing, as I bought a Logitech g29 around April 25, 2024, and I just want to ask how long do these last, Ive seen many posts that its durable and reliable, but how long does a typical G29 last? And I want to know how long mine would last through some of your guesses, I havent used mine for quite some time but for the past 2 days Ive used it for 5 hours a day with 20 min break's, I clean my G29 Wheel and Pedals, and cool it off with a fan pointing at the inside of the wheelbase, hopefully I get some answers because I want to make this wheel last long before I upgrade/sell it Tia to any responses ;)
submitted by kazrock821 to simracing [link] [comments]
2024.06.01 13:15 thatoneguy79134 Splinter- 3rd darkness subclass fanconcept
Splinter is inspired by the slicing and mirror powers that the witness uses during the lightfall and tfs trailer. This is basically just a fun idea as to what a 'witness subclass' would look like.
Visuals: The splinter subclass would have its designs consist of broken glass and reflecting mirrors. Its energy would be a pale red with bright white streaks. Enemies killed by a splinter debuff would have look as if they were sliced into red segments before disappearing. Lore: If stasis is control and strand is going with the flow, splinter is ignorance. Rather than controlling or flowing with the universe, you have to actively deny its rules to use splinter. The witness carved a hole in the traveller by ignoring the strength of its shell.
GAMEPLAY:
Verbs:
Cut - enemys hit by cut take a small amount of damage and are given one stack of cut. If they receive 100 stacks, they will be hit by dismantle.
Visual: Cut would look like a small red slice going across the enemy's body
Dismantle - when an enemy is 'dismantled' they will receive a moderate amount of damage over the course of 1.5 seconds. Other enemies hit by dismantle will be given a varying amount of cut stacks, depending for how long they were in the aoe. Cut and dismantle would be your bread and butter for general ad clear. Dismantle would also stun overloads.
Visual: Where cut is one single slice, dismantle is a flurry of these slices going across the inflicted targets body, as if they're being diced.
Displacement - enemies affected by displacement are initially slowed by 60%, before going back to normal speed over the course of 3 seconds. Projectiles slowed by displacement are permanently slowed by 50%, and their damage decreased by 15%.
In pvp: Displacement would slow players by 30% and gradually return them to normal over 3 seconds.
Visual: Normal enemies that have been displaced would look like segment of their body have been cut offer and separated. These pieces eventually fuse back together as the slow effect decreases. Boss enemies would simply have a red hue to show they have been affected by displacement.
Rend - A high power single tick of damage in a small radius. This would be more helpful for taking care of healthier targets quickly. Hitting a barrier champion while they are shielded stuns them.
Visual: Rend would appear like a gash in the air, as if the universe itself was cut open. This gash would stay for half a second after a rend attack. This gash would look similar to the portals made by vergil in dmc5 (although more red instead of blue)
Guard points (splinter's main gimmick) When using a splinter powered melee, the first 0.3 seconds of the attack while have a guard point. If an enemy hits while the guard point is up, you will receive 60% reduced damage and be immune to one shots. It will also boost the damage of the melee by 50%. Projectiles will also proc the guard point depending on the overall damage of the projectile. Enemies hit by a guard point empowered melee are briefly flinched.
Visual/audio: When in the 'guard point stance' your guardian will radiate red splinter energy with white streaks. When hitting the guard point, the white streaks will turn black and make it resemble an impact frame.
The audio and animation of the melee would also change to make the attack feel more impactful.
Reflective plating - while reflectjve plating is active, gain 20% dr and empower your guard points to be more effective. Guard points with reflecting plate now active in the first 0.7 seconds of the melee rather 0.3, and will increase the damage resistance to 90%. Lastly, projectiles that hit the guardian while guard point is active will reflect back to the enemy (although for reduced damage)
In pvp: The only difference with pvp is that your head hit box will not be immune to one shots.
Visual: Reflective plating will look similar to guard point, the energy will just be much less intense.
Rupert drop (probably not what it would be in game but bubbles already taken) - Rupert drops are the splinter subclass pickups (even though you don't actually pick them up). Rupert drops are a hybrid between stasis crystals and tangles. They can be for either cover or they can be shot to pop into a small cutting explosion. When shot by their creator or allies, rupert drops will move away from where they were hit, the bigger tha damage, the faster it moves. Ruperts drop would have a 15 second cool down and be generated by killing enemies with rend.
Visual: Rupert drops would look like giant bubbles roughly the size of a guardian. when taking damage, they slow crystallize before exploding into shards of glass.
When spawning in. The rupert's drop would look as if its slowly being formed by pieces of glass coming out of the gash made by the rend.
Grenades:
Shred grenade - explodes on impact to create a moderately sized explosion (slightly larger than a scatter grenade) that would deal a total of 110 stack of cut over the course of 0.75 seconds.
Cleave grenade - sticks to target before exploding into a small radius rend attack.
Dispersing grenade - explodes into a field of displacement that slowly implodes to create a small displacement explosion. The initial field would act similarly to a dusk field grenade, while the implosion would be similar to a snare bomb in damage.
Subclasses:
Each of the subclasses would mirror the arc subclasses in a way, Since splinter would be the darkness antithesis to arc (like solastasis, void/strand)
Ronin - hunter subclass Where arcstriders use their hand to hand prowess and expertise with the pole arm, Ronin use their skill with the blade to fell even the largest of does with a single slash.
Ronins are inspired primarily by heroes from old samurai movies. Wandering swordsman who could defeat armies with nothing but their trusted sword.
The gameplay fantasy of ronin would consist of well timed guard points and high power single target damage using rending attacks. The subclass would have a higher skill ceiling than most, rewarding knowledge of enemy attack patterns with high damage attacks.
Melee - Unsheathing strike (2 charges) Striking enemies with your katana inflicts them with 30 stacks of cut. Standing still before attacking will increase the damage of the strike by 15%. When empowered by a guard point, the strike will deal 60 stacks of cut in a large radius.
Visual: The splinter katana's is made up of various uneven panes of broken glass. When empowered, the katana's blade goes from red and white to pure black.
Super - shimmering blade (roaming/one off) The Ronin unsheathes their blade when beginning the super. While in super, there are 2 attacks. Light attack - fast slashes that each deal 40 stacks of cut. Heavy attack - quickly sheathe the blade and become immobile. Releasing the attack button has the Ronin slash the air and rend every enemy in a large radius. This attack ends the super immediately.
Holding the attack for a longer period of time increases the damage of the rends, fully maxxing out at an 80% boost.
During the release of the attack, a guard point is active for 0.3 seconds (0.7 when reflective plating is active). Hitting the guard point immediately increases the attack damage to 80%, while also further boosting the range and damage by 15%.
Aspect 1 - crossguard slash After a successful guard point, follow up with a second slash that rends the opponent. Killing an enemy with slash regenerates 50% of your melee charge.
Aspect 2 - quickdraw sheathe Gives hunter a guard point during initial activation. Successful guard points now boost class a ability regeneration by 150% for 4 seconds.
Blastmarine - Titan subclass Blastmarines mirror arc strikers as both are 'soldier' subclasses. Where strikers are frontline fighters, blastmarines are the 'heavy artillery' weapons experts of their fireteam.
Where ronin are calm, collected samurai, Blast marines are loud, explosive 80s action heroes. Big guys with bigger guns.
The blastmarine gameplay fantasy consist of being the heavy weapons guy, battling the hordes of their enemies with their cutting and dismantling projectiles.
Melee - Knucklebuster Raise your left arm briefly (this is when the guard point is active) before cocking back their right arm's wrist cannon. Hitting enemies with this inflicts them with 50 stacks of cut. When empowered, the radius of the blast is increased and inflicts 80 stacks of cut
Visual: The guard point would resemble a boxer blocking a punch before counter attacking with a jab. The wrist cannon would resemble the red arm punch from ultrakill. The attack would also end with the blastmarine pumping their arm like a shotgun (cus it would look cool)
Super - devastator cannon (one off) The blastmarine would ready the cannon onto their shoulder (similarly to a scorch cannon). The cannon would need to be charged fo a short period before firing. The initial blast would deal high single target damage before imploding into this cloud large cloud of dismantling slashes. This cloud would last front seconds before disappearing.
Visual: the devastator cannon would look similar to a halo spartan laser, just much bigger and with a much bigger blast radius.
Aspect 1 - coverfire blaster Rally barricades now spawn in a heavy cannon for the blastmarine and their allies to pickup. This cannon fires at 300 rpm and has a total 25 rounds that it can fire before disappearing. These shots have a small aoe effect and each deal 20 stacks of cut. Continuous damage with the turret Grant's reflective plating. This aspect would act similarly to a gauss cannon from halo.
Aspect 2 - ballistic bombard
Enhance the functionally of your splinter grenades.
Shred grenade - improved radius and total damage and duration (now deals 170 stacks of cut over 1.5 seconds) Cleave grenade - can now be charged to skip across the ground up to 3 times. Each bounce creates a rend.
Dispersing grenade - increased radius of initial field and increased damage of implosion. Initial field now pulls in enemies and flinches them.
Glassformer - warlock subclass (name tbd) Where stormcaller is harmony within, the glassformer embraces the chaos of splinter to conquer the battlefield.
glassformers are inspired from crackpot scientists from monster movie. Creating inconceivable creations.
The gameplay of glassformers revolves around using rupert drops and creating unpredictable combinations.
Melee - broken flurry (2 charges) The glassformer sends a burst of 8 panes of splinter. Each pane inflicts 6 stacks of cut. When empowered, the total amount of panes increases from 8 to 12, they also can increased tracking to targets.
Visual: Each of the panes would shoot off from the glassformer's fingertips. When empowered, the panes turn black.
Super - razing burst (one off) The glassformer raises a giant ruperts drop infront of them, before slashing it with their splinter infused hand and rending it, this creates a large ape explosions that dismantle enemies in its radius. Enemies near the giant gashes are slowly pulled in.
Visual: Razing burst is essentially a large spherical blender that would pull in enemies not originally caught in its blast.
Aspect 1 - fracturing chasm Rends now linger for a longer duration and suck in enemies in radius of it. Killing enemies that are pulled grants reflective plating.
Aspect 2 - chromatic concoction Inflicting ruperts drops with elemntal verbs gives the explosion that property. (For example, applying jolt to the rupert's drop gives the explosion jolt.) A singular bubble can hold up to 3 new verbs.
Visual: When a verb is given to the ruperts drop, the respective subclass energy will begin swirling around the inside of the drop. The more verbs, the more colours swirling around.
Fragments: Fragments would be obtained similarly to strand, killing enemies with splinter will have a chance to give a 'shard of splinter'
Killing targets with rend reduces rupert's drop cooldown (0.5 seconds per enemy)
Apply more cut stacks
Picking up orbs of power grants reflective plating
Rapid finale blows with dismantle grant grenade energy
Precision finale blows against displaced enemies creates a displacing explosion
Super finale blows create cutting explosions.
Conclusion: I'm ngl this post is wayyyy longer than I thought it'd be. I wanted to just spitball an idea I had the other day for a new subclass
submitted by thatoneguy79134 to DestinyTheGame [link] [comments]
Visuals: The splinter subclass would have its designs consist of broken glass and reflecting mirrors. Its energy would be a pale red with bright white streaks. Enemies killed by a splinter debuff would have look as if they were sliced into red segments before disappearing. Lore: If stasis is control and strand is going with the flow, splinter is ignorance. Rather than controlling or flowing with the universe, you have to actively deny its rules to use splinter. The witness carved a hole in the traveller by ignoring the strength of its shell.
GAMEPLAY:
Verbs:
Cut - enemys hit by cut take a small amount of damage and are given one stack of cut. If they receive 100 stacks, they will be hit by dismantle.
Visual: Cut would look like a small red slice going across the enemy's body
Dismantle - when an enemy is 'dismantled' they will receive a moderate amount of damage over the course of 1.5 seconds. Other enemies hit by dismantle will be given a varying amount of cut stacks, depending for how long they were in the aoe. Cut and dismantle would be your bread and butter for general ad clear. Dismantle would also stun overloads.
Visual: Where cut is one single slice, dismantle is a flurry of these slices going across the inflicted targets body, as if they're being diced.
Displacement - enemies affected by displacement are initially slowed by 60%, before going back to normal speed over the course of 3 seconds. Projectiles slowed by displacement are permanently slowed by 50%, and their damage decreased by 15%.
In pvp: Displacement would slow players by 30% and gradually return them to normal over 3 seconds.
Visual: Normal enemies that have been displaced would look like segment of their body have been cut offer and separated. These pieces eventually fuse back together as the slow effect decreases. Boss enemies would simply have a red hue to show they have been affected by displacement.
Rend - A high power single tick of damage in a small radius. This would be more helpful for taking care of healthier targets quickly. Hitting a barrier champion while they are shielded stuns them.
Visual: Rend would appear like a gash in the air, as if the universe itself was cut open. This gash would stay for half a second after a rend attack. This gash would look similar to the portals made by vergil in dmc5 (although more red instead of blue)
Guard points (splinter's main gimmick) When using a splinter powered melee, the first 0.3 seconds of the attack while have a guard point. If an enemy hits while the guard point is up, you will receive 60% reduced damage and be immune to one shots. It will also boost the damage of the melee by 50%. Projectiles will also proc the guard point depending on the overall damage of the projectile. Enemies hit by a guard point empowered melee are briefly flinched.
Visual/audio: When in the 'guard point stance' your guardian will radiate red splinter energy with white streaks. When hitting the guard point, the white streaks will turn black and make it resemble an impact frame.
The audio and animation of the melee would also change to make the attack feel more impactful.
Reflective plating - while reflectjve plating is active, gain 20% dr and empower your guard points to be more effective. Guard points with reflecting plate now active in the first 0.7 seconds of the melee rather 0.3, and will increase the damage resistance to 90%. Lastly, projectiles that hit the guardian while guard point is active will reflect back to the enemy (although for reduced damage)
In pvp: The only difference with pvp is that your head hit box will not be immune to one shots.
Visual: Reflective plating will look similar to guard point, the energy will just be much less intense.
Rupert drop (probably not what it would be in game but bubbles already taken) - Rupert drops are the splinter subclass pickups (even though you don't actually pick them up). Rupert drops are a hybrid between stasis crystals and tangles. They can be for either cover or they can be shot to pop into a small cutting explosion. When shot by their creator or allies, rupert drops will move away from where they were hit, the bigger tha damage, the faster it moves. Ruperts drop would have a 15 second cool down and be generated by killing enemies with rend.
Visual: Rupert drops would look like giant bubbles roughly the size of a guardian. when taking damage, they slow crystallize before exploding into shards of glass.
When spawning in. The rupert's drop would look as if its slowly being formed by pieces of glass coming out of the gash made by the rend.
Grenades:
Shred grenade - explodes on impact to create a moderately sized explosion (slightly larger than a scatter grenade) that would deal a total of 110 stack of cut over the course of 0.75 seconds.
Cleave grenade - sticks to target before exploding into a small radius rend attack.
Dispersing grenade - explodes into a field of displacement that slowly implodes to create a small displacement explosion. The initial field would act similarly to a dusk field grenade, while the implosion would be similar to a snare bomb in damage.
Subclasses:
Each of the subclasses would mirror the arc subclasses in a way, Since splinter would be the darkness antithesis to arc (like solastasis, void/strand)
Ronin - hunter subclass Where arcstriders use their hand to hand prowess and expertise with the pole arm, Ronin use their skill with the blade to fell even the largest of does with a single slash.
Ronins are inspired primarily by heroes from old samurai movies. Wandering swordsman who could defeat armies with nothing but their trusted sword.
The gameplay fantasy of ronin would consist of well timed guard points and high power single target damage using rending attacks. The subclass would have a higher skill ceiling than most, rewarding knowledge of enemy attack patterns with high damage attacks.
Melee - Unsheathing strike (2 charges) Striking enemies with your katana inflicts them with 30 stacks of cut. Standing still before attacking will increase the damage of the strike by 15%. When empowered by a guard point, the strike will deal 60 stacks of cut in a large radius.
Visual: The splinter katana's is made up of various uneven panes of broken glass. When empowered, the katana's blade goes from red and white to pure black.
Super - shimmering blade (roaming/one off) The Ronin unsheathes their blade when beginning the super. While in super, there are 2 attacks. Light attack - fast slashes that each deal 40 stacks of cut. Heavy attack - quickly sheathe the blade and become immobile. Releasing the attack button has the Ronin slash the air and rend every enemy in a large radius. This attack ends the super immediately.
Holding the attack for a longer period of time increases the damage of the rends, fully maxxing out at an 80% boost.
During the release of the attack, a guard point is active for 0.3 seconds (0.7 when reflective plating is active). Hitting the guard point immediately increases the attack damage to 80%, while also further boosting the range and damage by 15%.
Aspect 1 - crossguard slash After a successful guard point, follow up with a second slash that rends the opponent. Killing an enemy with slash regenerates 50% of your melee charge.
Aspect 2 - quickdraw sheathe Gives hunter a guard point during initial activation. Successful guard points now boost class a ability regeneration by 150% for 4 seconds.
Blastmarine - Titan subclass Blastmarines mirror arc strikers as both are 'soldier' subclasses. Where strikers are frontline fighters, blastmarines are the 'heavy artillery' weapons experts of their fireteam.
Where ronin are calm, collected samurai, Blast marines are loud, explosive 80s action heroes. Big guys with bigger guns.
The blastmarine gameplay fantasy consist of being the heavy weapons guy, battling the hordes of their enemies with their cutting and dismantling projectiles.
Melee - Knucklebuster Raise your left arm briefly (this is when the guard point is active) before cocking back their right arm's wrist cannon. Hitting enemies with this inflicts them with 50 stacks of cut. When empowered, the radius of the blast is increased and inflicts 80 stacks of cut
Visual: The guard point would resemble a boxer blocking a punch before counter attacking with a jab. The wrist cannon would resemble the red arm punch from ultrakill. The attack would also end with the blastmarine pumping their arm like a shotgun (cus it would look cool)
Super - devastator cannon (one off) The blastmarine would ready the cannon onto their shoulder (similarly to a scorch cannon). The cannon would need to be charged fo a short period before firing. The initial blast would deal high single target damage before imploding into this cloud large cloud of dismantling slashes. This cloud would last front seconds before disappearing.
Visual: the devastator cannon would look similar to a halo spartan laser, just much bigger and with a much bigger blast radius.
Aspect 1 - coverfire blaster Rally barricades now spawn in a heavy cannon for the blastmarine and their allies to pickup. This cannon fires at 300 rpm and has a total 25 rounds that it can fire before disappearing. These shots have a small aoe effect and each deal 20 stacks of cut. Continuous damage with the turret Grant's reflective plating. This aspect would act similarly to a gauss cannon from halo.
Aspect 2 - ballistic bombard
Enhance the functionally of your splinter grenades.
Shred grenade - improved radius and total damage and duration (now deals 170 stacks of cut over 1.5 seconds) Cleave grenade - can now be charged to skip across the ground up to 3 times. Each bounce creates a rend.
Dispersing grenade - increased radius of initial field and increased damage of implosion. Initial field now pulls in enemies and flinches them.
Glassformer - warlock subclass (name tbd) Where stormcaller is harmony within, the glassformer embraces the chaos of splinter to conquer the battlefield.
glassformers are inspired from crackpot scientists from monster movie. Creating inconceivable creations.
The gameplay of glassformers revolves around using rupert drops and creating unpredictable combinations.
Melee - broken flurry (2 charges) The glassformer sends a burst of 8 panes of splinter. Each pane inflicts 6 stacks of cut. When empowered, the total amount of panes increases from 8 to 12, they also can increased tracking to targets.
Visual: Each of the panes would shoot off from the glassformer's fingertips. When empowered, the panes turn black.
Super - razing burst (one off) The glassformer raises a giant ruperts drop infront of them, before slashing it with their splinter infused hand and rending it, this creates a large ape explosions that dismantle enemies in its radius. Enemies near the giant gashes are slowly pulled in.
Visual: Razing burst is essentially a large spherical blender that would pull in enemies not originally caught in its blast.
Aspect 1 - fracturing chasm Rends now linger for a longer duration and suck in enemies in radius of it. Killing enemies that are pulled grants reflective plating.
Aspect 2 - chromatic concoction Inflicting ruperts drops with elemntal verbs gives the explosion that property. (For example, applying jolt to the rupert's drop gives the explosion jolt.) A singular bubble can hold up to 3 new verbs.
Visual: When a verb is given to the ruperts drop, the respective subclass energy will begin swirling around the inside of the drop. The more verbs, the more colours swirling around.
Fragments: Fragments would be obtained similarly to strand, killing enemies with splinter will have a chance to give a 'shard of splinter'
Killing targets with rend reduces rupert's drop cooldown (0.5 seconds per enemy)
Apply more cut stacks
Picking up orbs of power grants reflective plating
Rapid finale blows with dismantle grant grenade energy
Precision finale blows against displaced enemies creates a displacing explosion
Super finale blows create cutting explosions.
Conclusion: I'm ngl this post is wayyyy longer than I thought it'd be. I wanted to just spitball an idea I had the other day for a new subclass
2024.06.01 13:10 No-Debate2873 The Pandering Brown Sisters Still Grifting
 | After a faulty start setting up a charitable tax-exempt organization in their deceased sister’s name, to support domestic abuse victims in late 1994, the Browns had appointed at the helm to run it a convicted violent domestic abuser and swindler. A 1995 Los Angeles Times article cited that….”the founding president of the Nicole Brown Simpson fund, records show, is a convicted felon and accused spousal batterer, who was once named in a domestic restraining order for posing a “clear and present danger” to his estranged wife and two children. Jeff C. Noebel, a 40-year-old Dallas businessman, is currently awaiting sentencing in U.S. District Court for lying to federal authorities in a savings-and-loan investment scam, one of his many shaky business ventures that have left a trail of bankruptcies and lawsuits from Texas to California.” Yet, the Browns pretended they did not know his background though Noebel stated that he had told them about the abuse charges, apparently his silver tongue offer to build them a successful, donation-seeking, organization was too juicy for the Brown family to pass up. submitted by No-Debate2873 to ojsimpsondidntdoit [link] [comments] Yet, here we go again, the Brown sisters grifting during the 30th anniversary month of the OJ Simpson case in conjunction with the Lifetime cable network with the two-night streaming of The Life and Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson. It should be an interesting dichotomy, since for 30 years someone has been lying. The father, Louis Brown, stated to the police detectives and later coroner’s investigator less than 12 hours after the murders occurred that his daughter, Nicole Brown Simpson, was last known to be alive the night before at 11PM talking to her mother, Juditha Brown, regarding glasses left behind by the mother at Brentwood’s Mezzaluna restaurant. Two days later the mother would give the same time on two different occasions, first to the Simpson defense investigators, and then after they told Attorney Robert Shapiro, he would ask her himself what time that last call took place. Juditha Brown would tell Shapiro the same thing, that she talked to Nicole at 11PM on or about June 16, 1994. When Shapiro asked how she knew it was 11PM she stated that when she arrived home from Brentwood that night she checked the clock and it said 11PM. However, within 7 months the 11PM last call would be changed, in another flim-flam slid past all of the American viewers whose attention was generally diverted to some tabloid unrelated event outside the courtroom. The time of the last phone call was changed in a low-key stipulation entered in open court and offered surprisingly by the defense team’s Robert Shapiro. He was now agreeing to accept a new time of 09:37 PM as the last call shown on an exhibit document, the Exhibit 35 POSTERBOARD claimed to represent the phone calls of Juditha Brown. The importance of the stipulation in California is that by their long-established state law it allows the evidence to circumvent examination by a jury. This may be one of the most important tools to allow that state to have their notable celebrity show trials. Supposedly, all times on the Posterboard were accepted by Shapiro as his covering excuse to speed the case along since the Simpson defense lawyer was posturing that the prosecution witness, Karen Crawford, Mezzaluna weekend manager and bartender, could not accurately be certain of the final time anyway. So, the defense would simply accept the times shown on the posterboard, including the alleged phone call from Juditha Brown at 9:37 PM as seen in the blown-up section provided above. Defense lawyer Johnnie Cochran would do the same 5 months later and leave tell-tale evidence of their cooperative malfeasance as shown in the following video clip. https://youtu.be/Bk3Muy_MgJA?si=rDrtYy84pmfjapE0. This video clip of Cochran stumped OMIG investigators for about 7 years as to why he would enter what appears to be a false stipulation, until realizing based on other information that the Simpson trial and its malfeasance was to be utilized by Cochran for a more important trial he had lost where an innocent man, that was his client, would spend almost 29 years of his life behind bars as a result of Cochran’s naivety until Cochran could maneuver his release. 11 PM is important to this case because it places OJ Simpson in the backseat of a chauffeured limousine on its way to LAX for him to catch an 11:45 PM flight to Chicago while his ex-wife was still alive. The waitress, Tia Gavin, stated that the Brown party departed the Mezzaluna restaurant at around 8:45 PM, and now the last phone call from the Brown home in Dana Point, Orange County was at 09:37 PM approximately 52 minutes after departing Brentwood in West Los Angeles. Everyone, i.e. news commentators, highway patrolmen are on tape saying the distance was a 90 minute to two-hour drive between Brentwood and Dana Point, Orange County. This includes the two lead LAPD detectives, Phil Vannatter and Tom Lange, who stated in their book EVIDENCE DISMISSED below, that the drive was at least an hour and a half drive. Since two of the Brown sisters were in the car on that fateful drive back home that night from L.A.’s Brentwood to Dana Point, someone is lying, and it certainly does not appear to be our side since all of the evidence appears to support our findings that the Brown family did not arrive home in approximately 45+ minutes. The highway data regarding traffic volume and density due to highway construction to build the HOV lane imply more like a 2-hour drive. This is what the data indicates the drive home for the Browns looked like on the southbound I-405 the night of June 12, 1994 between the hour of their departure from Brentwood between 8-9PM. We at OMIG predict that the truth is going to ultimately catch up to all of these charlatans and grifters and expose them for this reckless and dangerous lie that they have placed before the public for the last 30 years sucking up all oxygen in the media space. The phone records were removed by court order from the Simpson case file to continue this lie so that the records could not be examined. However, these corrupt officials beyond the Brown sisters have continued to conceal the truth. Several people pull this angelic cloak off of their unfortunate deceased sister, Nicole. Even Kato Kaelin, who Nicole invited to move into her pool guest house on Gretna Green before moving over to her condo on Bundy spoke in his book about Nicole throwing drug parties, where the party goers were making a bee-line upstairs, going up and down to the point Kato asked why. Someone pulled his coat during his recent meeting of Nicole as an invited guest to her party and told him “That’s where the cocaine is”. Kato who resided a year with Nicole and her children, would go on to state in his book that he witnessed Nicole becoming very belligerent and out of control when drinking too much tequila when out in social settings. Having to have the keys wrestled away by her girlfriends from preventing her being a drunk driver on the streets and highways. On one occasion it became so embarrassing with her being out of control that he simply left the gathering, which appeared to be par for the course for the Mousey looking house guest. He also accused Nicole the obsessive party gal of being a chain smoker; hence, he undermines the pristine image that the prissy Brown sister-grifters seem to be attempting to portray in all probability for the sake of making a dollar once again. They knew that the so-called Bruno Magli shoe prints found in the sidewalk tiles did not fit Simpson’s foot, so they have attempted to conceal that until OMIG investigators examined the police photos and attained verification that the sidewalk tiles were only 11- and 1/2-inches square. Because OMIG investigators stood firm during an interview with former FBI agents that one of their peers had lied about his true knowledge concerning Simpson’s foot in those size 12 Bruno Magli shoes, they in turn called back and provided OMIG with 53 pounds of documents some of which was associated directly with the Simpson trial indicating that the agent, Roger Martz, had been lying and committing perjury as it related to the blood the FBI lab was asked to examine. He wrote a letter back to the LADA’s office and the deputy DA who had asked for their help, Rockne Harmon, telling them that he, Roger Martz, had completed an examination of the blood samples of Simpson found on the back gate and blood of Nicole found on socks on Simpson’s bedroom floor. Martz said that he could find no contamination with the blood preservative EDTA. It appears that Martz lied, and was called out for his lies by other FBI examiners in the lab in a complaint filed with the Office of the Inspector General of the USDOJ. That document, entitled by OMIG as the Whitehurst Complaint due to the author who filed it, former FBI Agent Frederic Whitehurst, became a hidden document as well one in which OMIG has filed at least 3 Freedom of Information Requests to attain from the Office of the Inspector General. This all is predictably going to unravel, and exposes the weakness of using the Brown sisters to promote a false narrative with its subtle yet powerful racial undertones to the detriment of so many more important events that have taken place over the last 30 years. This promulgation simply exposes the recklessness in doing something like that by exposing the soft underbelly of vulnerability as a national security threat to the nation by providing a cheap and cost effective tool to weaponize to fragment and polarize a nation, with that being the use of racial animus to create national mass hysteria. |
2024.06.01 12:54 QueasyStorage637 Looking for novel
Hi I just came across a novel, chosen by the moon novel by izabella W. Its on pay by chapter websites, I've opened and read a few chapters but I can't seem to find any free version or chapter version anywhere. Please help. If anyone has read it I'm willing to take spoilers. Here's the advert I found below of it on Facebook.
Lycanthrope species is a disgusting race. And I, Delan Riley, am nothing more than a human scum in their eyes never expected those species would turn my world upside down. Since when the lycans managed to penetrate our town, like in the early 1900's we have a hierarchy, upper class = the lycans, middle class = mated humans, and lower class = the normal humans, who were basically considered scum. I endured their torment day after day, vowing to run away from them one day, until that day came and everything changed.
Dylan POV "Humans," I scowled at the principal's words from tannoy. "The Alpha twins will be celebrating their birthday tomorrow, as such, festivities are in order." Oh great, the Alphas twin children. Adrian and Arya are the worst lycans alive. I swear just because they are the alphas kids they literally get away with everything. If their birthday is tomorrow, then the wolves are going to be worse than ever. "All students will be present to greet them, two lines will be made, with humans on the left and the lycanthrope on the right. Any mated human will be at the front of the line for their year, you will all also be in order of your school year. That is all." Chat broke out the minute the tannoy was finished. "We haven't had a school gathering since the alpha king visited three years ago, before his sons coronation." Nick was right, the last time we all gathered like that was for the king and queens visit, when he decided to let the world know that he was to renounce his title to his only child, son Josh. "That sick bestard, he wants to make sure everyone is there so those idiot twins can find their mates." Yes I was mad, my fists connected with the table in front of me once more as I thought about how disgusting the situation was. You see the twins will be turning 17, so it's very possible someone in our school could be their mate, finding a mate is sacred to a wolf, the minute they say that one word your fate is sealed. They will turn your mind, morph you into being a lover of their kind, and then you'll give in.
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Lycanthrope species is a disgusting race. And I, Delan Riley, am nothing more than a human scum in their eyes never expected those species would turn my world upside down. Since when the lycans managed to penetrate our town, like in the early 1900's we have a hierarchy, upper class = the lycans, middle class = mated humans, and lower class = the normal humans, who were basically considered scum. I endured their torment day after day, vowing to run away from them one day, until that day came and everything changed.
Dylan POV "Humans," I scowled at the principal's words from tannoy. "The Alpha twins will be celebrating their birthday tomorrow, as such, festivities are in order." Oh great, the Alphas twin children. Adrian and Arya are the worst lycans alive. I swear just because they are the alphas kids they literally get away with everything. If their birthday is tomorrow, then the wolves are going to be worse than ever. "All students will be present to greet them, two lines will be made, with humans on the left and the lycanthrope on the right. Any mated human will be at the front of the line for their year, you will all also be in order of your school year. That is all." Chat broke out the minute the tannoy was finished. "We haven't had a school gathering since the alpha king visited three years ago, before his sons coronation." Nick was right, the last time we all gathered like that was for the king and queens visit, when he decided to let the world know that he was to renounce his title to his only child, son Josh. "That sick bestard, he wants to make sure everyone is there so those idiot twins can find their mates." Yes I was mad, my fists connected with the table in front of me once more as I thought about how disgusting the situation was. You see the twins will be turning 17, so it's very possible someone in our school could be their mate, finding a mate is sacred to a wolf, the minute they say that one word your fate is sealed. They will turn your mind, morph you into being a lover of their kind, and then you'll give in.
That won't happen to me, I'm growing old to see the world as it once was, and I'm going to choose who I'll be with. No one will take that dream away from me.
Once dinner was finished, I just wanted to sleep. I'd had a very long tiring day, I quickly sat down on a small stool my mother kept in the storage closet and removed my shirt while my brother Freddy sat at the table to do his simple homework. It wasn't long before my mother came in with a large bowl of warm salt water and some cotton, this was going to sting I just knew it. She was here to help me with the wounds caused by wolves yesterday. She slowly began to unwrap the bandage from around my torso and slowed down drastically when it came to the final layer, I felt it peel off every wound and my fists clenched in pain. "Jesus!" I heard my mom exclaim once the dressing was completely removed. The air on my back was nice though and I sighed as my arm covered my once again exposed brests. "This is more than 15!" I began to hear sniffles coming from her and sighed turning round to look at her face, only to notice tears streaming down it. "Mom I'm fine, it's alright." She shook her head. "It's not alright, I'm your mother I shouldn't let these things happen. I'm so sorry. Your father would have..." here she goes again. Every single time something happened she'd always bring up dad, it really annoyed me because no matter how much we all wish he was here, he just isn't. My father was kiled by THEIR kind, almost 5 years ago when they actually managed to take over. When the lycans managed to penetrate our town my father rose up with some people from the neighborhood, to defend our livelihood, it was futile to say the least. We lost many people and I watched as my dad was ripped apart by two fully shifted wolves, I ended up shoting him to stop his suffering before they dragged me to the courtyard, i was the person to receive the first lashing of the town when I was 12! The wolves have been pretty strict with me since that day. "Stop being stvpid!" Was I harsh? Definitely! Did she need to hear it again, absolutely. "Dad is dead, we don't know what he'd do because he never knew this life. He never knew this world." I know what he'd have done, most likely attacked the guy who held the whip and got himself kiled in the process. "The best thing you can do for me, is stop crying and help me, next time don't insist on helping if you can't handle it." She began to wash my open wounds with the warm salt water causing loud winces to leave me, I knew it was necessary to prevent infection, but my god it hurt like a betch. "Some of these are really deep Dylan!" She sniffed again and my eyes rolled in my head. "I told you, I'm fine, just wrap me back up so I can get to bed." My mom was obviously more impacted by my injuries than I was, I suppose that always the case though. When it's happening to you, you've just got to get through it but when it's happening to someone you love, you just want to take their pain away. She quickly placed a fresh bandage around my waist and chest and wrapped it tightly for compression. The bowl of water that was used was now red in color, I guess from the blood my back was dripping with. "Can you keep your head down please? At least just this week. You can't take any more lashings." I simply nodded before standing up away from the stool, I walked over to Freddie and ruffled his hair in affection. "Good night squirt." He giggled and fixed his hair slightly. "Night Dilly." I smiled walking upstairs to my little bedroom, as soon as I was inside i shut the door and flopped down on to my bed on my stomach and I took a minute to cry to myself at the pain in my back, what my mom did was important but it hurt, not that I'd ever tell her. My hand covered my mouth quickly to muffle any noise I might be making. I couldn't tell anyone, I had to be strong because more and more people were crumpling these days, and my mom would break if she knew how much I was suffering. Sleep followed me shortly after, she was right though about me needing to keep my head down for the time being, I could not take another lashing! After a long night and an even longer morning, we were all finally stood in the hallway at school waiting for the twins to arrive. "Mine!" Everyone that was stood in the hallway tensed up, as we were seniors, me and Nick were stood towards the very back of the human line. All the mated people were situated directly opposite their wolf mates in their years. We stayed silent and still as Arya walked down the hall and stopped directly in front of Nick. His eyes widened in fear, unsure of wether to look up or keep his head lowered. "Look me in the eye, mate." He glanced at me slightly as if asking what he should do. "I said, look me in the eye." He slowly moved his eye line up to look at her face. I took a glance myself to see her eyes pitch black with lust. "I... can't... I mean... erm." Before he was able to mutter anything else, two wolves from opposite, grabbed him out of the line and dragged him behind Arya. "Hey!" My head shot up before I could stop myself. My mouth also forgot its place as I jumped out of line. Everyone's head shot to me as my eyes widened in realization at what I'd done. Adrian, the other twin, walked up to me before punching me right in the stomach, I doubled over instantly. Feeling the sting in my slightly healed back. "I know you... You were publicly flogged only two days ago." God I hate this guy. "I also have it on good authority, that you openly spoke out against our rules and regulations in yesterday's class." My head shot down the line slightly to see Erin, looking a little frightened, her mate, the beta to be was looking at her, nodding his head in reassurance. "You traitor, you grassed on your own kind?" I yelled at her before feeling a fist connect with my cheek. My head whipped to the side from the force, while my class members gasped. I'm so done with this treatment, right then, I wasn't in charge of my actions. My fists curled up and my stance became a lot more defensive. My head snapped up to the alpha to be, and I looked him in the eye. "You don't know the meaning of the word disrespect." I suddenly hurled my fist towards his head, which he easily dodged, but my foot came up and kicked him instead. He stumbled backwards from the force with wide eyes. "You... you Actually hit me!" He didn't even sound annoyed, more shocked. Everyone in the hallway was watching, waiting for the alpha to do something but instead he simply stood up straight, regaining his composure. "I think everyone should get back to class." He began to walk away, following his sister when I called him back. "What about Nick?!" "Simple, He's my sisters mate. He now belongs to her." Argh, he's not an object. "He's not her property." A chuckle left his mouth, before turning his back to me again. "All humans are property." A short while later everyone made it to science class, our teacher Mrs Mathews is mated to the lycans pack doctor, she also now has a four and two year old with him. She was one of the first humans to be cohered into a false relationship. "What were you thinking young lady?" I rolled my head at her before looking at the empty seat next to mine. Nick was with that stvpid wolf girl right now. Being changed, I'm so angry it's ridiculous. "I was thinking, this guy is being a prick. Did you hear him? 'All humans are property.' It's bull shet." I looked up and the whole class looked at me like I had three heads. Talking shet about wolves is one thing, but talking about an alpha is punishable by death, attacking an alpha is an even worse offense. There was then a knock at the door and in walked Erin and her band of mated bestards. "Sorry we're late Mrs." "Erin, how are things between you and bata Monroe?" She blushed, the traitor actually blushed at the mention of his name. "He spoke to me last night about trying for a baby. We need a good strong boy to take over as beta." I scoffed looking at her as she took her seat. "You guys are actually pathetic, why can't it be a girl? Those mutts are basically Neanderthals" I voiced my opinion and saw all the shocked faces around me. Calling the lycans mutts, is the same as them calling us scum. After lesson had ended the entire school was called into the hall for assembly. This is where any human who has been found to have broken the rules were punished, usually 10 lashings were goven out or something similar. "Welcome to the school assembly, congratulations to the alpha twins for finding both your mates. Now on to the business at hand, as the 5 year anniversary of the new world is coming up, we have been informed that the alpha king will be visiting our district next week, this is very exciting news. We want you all to look your absolute best, she wolves and mated females will wear exemplary dresses made by seamstress. Male wolves and mated men will wear tailored suits. Anyone who doesn't comply will be reprimanded." The Alpha King?! No one has met him yet, he took over the throne three years ago when he turned 18. He really didn't make any appearances though, great, this month is going to be a nightmare. "As for the humans, you will be given a new uniform to wear for the visit, these are to be neatly ironed and worn to the highest standard. As for the following humans, based on your attitude this past week, you will be coming to the front and facing punishment. Tony summerset?!" Tony's head shot up as he looked around, he was in the year below but he shared my views when it came to the lycans. He slowly walked up to the front of assembly, almost instantly his top was t0rn in two and he received 10 lashings. A girl named Kara was next and she too received 10 lashings. A few more people went up slowly accepting their fate then suddenly my name was called. "Dylan Riley." Inside I was terrified but I simply shrugged my shoulders, I guess I did kind of expect this. Although I'm not sure if my back can take any more damage. "You attacked an alpha, correct!" His eyes bored into mine as I bowed my head submitting to his authority. "Technically, no." Everyone in the school gym looked on in fear, as my head moved to the front row of the wolf side. Adrian sat, with a werewolf girl in the year below, her name was Jana, I guess he found his mate. Nick and Arya were no where to be seen though. Adrian gave me a shrug as if to say he didn't tell, before smirking at my comment. "He hasn't officially taken the alpha title yet, so he's just..." i looked at the principle and noticed his eyes black and his claws out, he was in what lycans call a half shift, triggered when the subject has become angered. He turned to two security wolves and gave them a nod, Almost immediately i was forced onto my knees, my arm was slammed on a table and held in place by one wolf, while my body was held in place by the other. "Ok, I don't think this is needed, I have alpha blood, a stvpid human girl can't hurt me." My head snapped to Adrian who had stood up in front of the school to stop what was happening. "Nevertheless, humans need to know their place." With that the pressure on my arm increased as our principals hand pulled my sleeve up before a long claw punctured my skin. The searing pain shoting from the fresh wound had my eyes scrunched and my fist clenched, I bit the inside of my cheek hard instantly tasting blood, however no sound left my mouth. He continued to write, using my skin as a canvas and his claws as a marker, it went on forever, my vision blurred slightly at one point as I turned my head away. After minutes of torture, he was done and the pressure on my arm eased, instantly I snatched my arm away, hissing through my teeth at the pain. I was about to scurry off stage, when I was roughly grabbed yet again, my arm being held in the air by the principal while my feet were inches off the floor, blood dripped from the wound and the pattern he had made was on show for everyone to see. Loads of people gasped, even the wolves looked slightly horrified at what had happened. "This is what happens when a human decides to speak out. I can promise, anyone who so much as says one word about our way of life, will have the same punishment." My arm was starting to seriously ache from being held in the air for so long, and the lack of blood flow to my suspended arm was causing me pins and needles, still I refused to make a sound. I held the tears back and I bit my cheek harder causing more blood to fill my mouth. "That's enough Bradley!" Adrian growled, he was still stood up and looking at the scene in front of him. His eyes hard as he stared at the principal a low warning growl erupted from his chest which had the head teacher gulping, he quickly let go of my arm causing me to crash to the floor. A small cry left my mouth as I hit the hard floor. Immediately I scrambled away, my foot just missed the high step leading to the stage and I fell, waiting for the impact of the ground, but it never came. Two strong arms wrapped around me catching my weak body causing me to look up, my eyes widened as I noticed Adrian had caught my falling form. "This isn't part of the human punishment program!" Adrian growled causing me to tense in his grip, I pushed him away from me before fixing my uniform top. The room was deadly silent, taking in the scene in front of them, while I stole a glance at my forearm. Carved into my skin by his devastating claws were two words, words that would most definitely scar my body for life. 'Human scum' "Lessons must be learned, she received lashing merely two days ago, and clearly it had no effect on her." Another growl left Adrian's chest as he stepped on to the stage, I wasn't bothered though, you would think I'd be ashamed but I simply smiled slightly. I fixed my sleeve a little so it wouldn't rub on the fresh wound before speaking. "It doesn't matter," the whole room looked at me shocked by my attitude. "I would rather be labeled human scum, than have any resemblance to your kind. I'm proud of what I am, how many of you can say that?" After my amazing little speech, I walked right down the middle between the humans and lycans and out the door. No more compliance, I'm going to get away with as much as I can without getting into too much bother. There will come a day when the lycans power will fizzle out. When it does I'll be ready, I'll be waiting for the day we take our world back. As for the best part about my plan...No one can stop me.
"Ouch, not so hard." I seethed as the school nurse cleaned my new wound with antiseptic. "If you had of just kept your mouth shut, this wouldn't have happened." I turned to my right looking out the window at the few clouds that were floating in the blue sky. "Like I said, I'm proud to be human, and now everyone knows what I am." I clenched my fist together as the nurse began wrapping a bandage around my forearm. It had been a good few hours since the incident in the hall, and I had been forced to come to the nurces office after I had tried to clean my wound by splashing it with water from the tap, it also refused to stop bleeding. "You are impossible. Can you please just try and stay out of trouble? For one day, that's all I ask." Our school nurse is a wolf, she's one of them. However she hates the way they treat us mere humans, she thinks we should all just live in peace with equal rights. Like that would ever happen. "All I've done is stay out of trouble, but you are just going to humiliate me anyway, so what's the actual point?" "The pack were discussing a public execution, Dylan. You need to walk on egg shells from now on, not just for you but for your family as well." No ones been publicly executed in over 4 months, I'm flattered they're considering it. They only execute people who they believe are the biggest problems to society. "Well then... I'm flattered." I chuckled, before looking at the patch job. 'Huh, not too shabby.' I quickly stood up from the human nursing station and pulled the sleeve of my shirt down covering the evidence of ever being hurt. "This is serious!" I just gave her a blank look before leaving the room. On the way out I heard her call back to me. "Please just think about it." I gave a clipped nod as I walked away wondering how I'm going to tell my mom about this. Later in the evening... "Dilly why you say that?" Freddie looked up at me with a mouth full of bread. "Don't speak with your mouthful!" My mom scolded him as a bashful blush made its way to his cheeks. "Sowwy mommy." His reply was muffled as he swallowed the last chunk of food. "I said it Freddie, because it's the truth. The wolf race are a pathetic excuse for..." my mom cut me off with an extremely stern look. "Dylan! They have ears everywhere, one more word out of you and it's your room." I scowled, my hatred for the Lycan kind growing stronger as each day passes. "What more can they do to me, lash me? Beat me? Brand me? They've ran out of options." I stated slamming my hands down, then severely regretting it as sharp pain shot though my wound. "What was that?" My head shot to regard my mothers worried expression. Her eyebrows were raised and her eyes were dull and judging as she looked at me. "Nothing, it was nothing." I quickly took my plate in my hand and began to walk to the kitchen. "I'm not really hungry, and I have homework to do!" My mom caught hold of my forearm causing me to drop my plate suddenly, I watched it slowly fall before shattering on the floor. I retracted my arm quickly and turned to Freddie. "Stay there and don't move until it's cleaned up ok sport?" He just nodded with wide eyes, I turned back to my mom and noticed her curious stare on my arm. Her grip shifted to the other side as she turned it around before pulling my sleeve up. The bandage was showing and a bit of blood was seeping though after the wound had been disturbed. "What the hel happened?" My moms eyes widened as she began to fumble with the bandage. Before she could unravel any of it I snatched my arm away. "I had an accident at school. No big." I began to gather the large pieces of the broken plate up ready to put them in the bin. "What did you do Dylan?" She looked at me with pure worry and only then did I realize what the wound must look like to someone who didn't know. "For gods sake! I didn't do it to myself! I got publicly punished at the assembly alright? It's no big deal." Her face dropped instantly and she stepped towards me, causing me to step backwards. "Mom, I'm ok. So back off will you." "What did you do? I've never known them to cut someone's arm as a punishment." Her shock and accusation was evident in her voice and I sighed heavily. "I spoke against the alphas son." I may have hit him too, but I wasn't going to divulge that part to her. "It's not one big cut, mom, it's a brand, 'human scum' carved onto my arm." "They've branded you now too?!" My eyes rolled at her hurt tone as I went to get the dustpan and brush. "You're so much like your father." A sigh left her mouth as she spoke, running a hand through her hair, while I quickly swept up the little pieces of the broken plate. "You've had a new uniform delivered. It's laid out on your bed. Dylan, Please just try and stay respectful in the future, I don't want my daughter to be completely mutilated. Although you're not far off." "Gee, Thanks." I then walked over to my little brother Freddy before blowing a kiss into his neck and hearing him giggle. "So sport, how's school going?" "It's ok." He shrugged before going back to coloring a dinosaur picture in. "Well that's good, stay out of trouble, ok little man?" Heading upstairs and into my room, my thoughts wandered to the permanent graffiti scar very slowly healing on my arm. Disgusting beasts. Think they own the world because they're faster, stronger and can shift. Pah. If you ask me they are not all that.The second I walked into my room my mouth dropped open. On my bed was some grey pants laid out neatly, which wasn't the surprising part, no, what shocked me was the grey high neck no sleeved button down shirt, every single set of uniform had sleeves except this one. They've done this on purpose those, mutts. They want the world to see my arm and know what a disgusting creature I am. They want the world to know that I, Dylan Riley, am nothing more than 'human scum'.
During the last week, I've been horrible, in class I've been loud in voicing my views, I've insulted at least everyone to some degree, I didn't care about the consequences, and I certainly didn't think about them. I haven't seen Nick at all since he was claimed, and to make matters worse today was the royal visit. Oh yes, werewolves and mated humans alike were spending every waking minute preparing themselves to meet his royal majesty, king of the wolves. Unclaimed Humans however would rather stick pins in their eyes. "Dylan, get down now... you're going to be late." She was right, I was dawdling this morning, I really couldn't be bothered today, I gave myself one last look in the small mirror and sighed when my eyes met my newly uncovered brand. It had bad bruising around the letters, and was still extremely tender to touch, it was definitely healing now though. I made my way down the stairs and came face to face with my mother who was seeing to Freddie, she was helping my brother get his coat on when she turned to me. "You ready sport?" Freddie nodded his little head at me and smiled while I quickly slid my shoes on. "Just Remember, the alpha is bad enough, Dylan, please, please don't do anything to anger the king." My mother stopped us from walking out the door to tell me something she had been telling me continuously for the last couple of days, it was almost as if the entire human population of our district was expecting me to do something stvpid. "Try and have a good day." I rolled my eyes but nodded, even I know not to push the king, he could kil me in the hallway like it was nothing. In fact I plan on staying out of his way for the entirety of the day. "We will see you tonight mom." I stated before me and my brother began our walk to school, his little hand clutched my own tightly as we went. Usually Nick would be with us, as he lives next door, well he used to, now he's residing in the main pack house. I quickly dropped Freddie off at his school and watched him get the wolfsbane neutralizer before walking into him building giving me a small wave before he went in. With my new scar on complete show, and my figure being complimented by the skin tight shirt I was wearing, I sauntered down the street to school, I gave my name and year in and took the wolf's bane neutralizer injection with no problems at all. It was finally getting into school that the problem occurred. Walking through the halls I was met by many looks, some of pity some of disgust. You see every single non mated human in the school was wearing a long sleeved version of the uniform I was given. All the Wolves and mated couples were scattered around in fancy floor length dresses or tailored suits. As I turned the corner I noticed a couple, now this couple happened to catch my eye the most out of all of them because it consisted of Arya and Nick, eating each other's faces off. "What the hel!" Nicks head shot to me as his eyes widened. He too was dressed in a tailored suit, a navy blue tie hung on his neck to match Aryas dress. Why was this happening all the time? It's always my friends that get completely brain washed. I shook my head in disbelief before turning my back on him. I heard his fast footsteps behind me as I rounded the corner. "Dylan?!" He ran right in front of me, stopping me in my tracks, making me drop my bag off my shoulder and almost causing me to bump into him. "Let me just explain..." "Has she marked you?" I mean you could almost see it in his eyes, she had marked him, and knowing the way life goes he's probably even mated with her. "Actually... Don't even answer that." I aggressively picked my bag up off of the floor and stormed off down the hall. "Dylan, just listen to me, Erin was right, it's so hard to resist your soulmate, and Arya is actually ok once you get to know her." I just kept walking, he caught up to me walking beside me but it didn't matter, I completely ignored everything and everyone. 'I'm so not in the mood today' getting into class was good though, I said hello to Mr Foley and took my usual seat. Nick sighed then took his bag off ready to sit next to me, but I snapped before he had the chance. "Traitors and mated idiots sit on that side of the room." I didn't look him in the eye as I pointed to a seat right at the front of the classroom on the opposite side. His eyes widened as he turned his attention back to me. "You can't be serious Dylan." I gave him a blank look before grabbing my book out of my backpack, I placed it on the desk then began to write the date on the top line. "I've sat in this seat for as long as I can remember." I ignored him, his voice sounded sad and shocked. "Dylan? Wait! What is that?!" Before I could react Nick had grabbed hold of my branded arm and turned it to see the letters. "Oh my God! What happened?" I snatched my arm away from him and shrugged as I continued to write in my book before grabbing my water bottle out of my bag. "The principal happened, it was my punishment for speaking out against Adrian and Arya. I wear it with pride." He just held a complete look of disbelief. "You spoke out against them?" I shrugged, what did he think I'd do. "It's no secret that I despise this stvpid new world and the mutts that control it. You were my friend, I wasn't going to let them just take you without saying something, although that is exactly what you seem to have done. Enjoy the view from your new seat!" "Don't be like that, Dylan, I'm your best friend, I'm sorry about your arm, but..." my eyes rolled inside my head at my friends words. "Anything with the word 'but' in, isn't an apology, it's a rationalization." I took a drink of water from my bottle and kept my eyes facing forward, ignoring his every attempt to try and talk to me. "Dylan?.. Dylan?... Do you know what? Erin is right, if you push us all away you won't have any friends left." He huffed before walking over to the empty seat and sitting down, I could feel him glancing up at me every now and again but I didn't respond. "Good morning class, please settle down." He looked at me then at Nick and frowned, we've never sat apart, we were friends before the new world even began. I just shook my head telling him to forget it. "So... as you know the king will be arriving in a short while, but until then lessons will go on as normal." Its funny seeing teachers in the same uniform your wearing, mr Foley and his wife are the coolest. Human teachers and doctors only have slightly more respect than we do. Because of Mr Foley's status him and his wife have better access to food and drink, Mrs Foley is cool, sometimes she even makes sure mr Foley brings some in for me. Ya know, coz I'm their favorite student. It's not in a weird way, it's just they were friends of the family before the new wold took effect. Mr Foley and my dad were buddies from high school, so it goes without sayin really. "All the mated humans will be at the front of each years line again, after that you will all be placed in status, Nick, as your mated to Alpha Arya, you'll be at the front of your line. Dylan as you have been branded..." his voice trailed off as he looked at me. "Yeah yeah, I'll be at the back of the line behind everyone. I get it." I huffed, moving my sight towards the window once more. "I am sorry." I turned to face Mr Foley again, he looked genuinely upset and that look of pity wasn't something I wanted to see. I gave him a clipped nod then turned away again. "Anyway, on to the subject matter, 'Of Mice and Men, page 64, Nick why don't you start us off with the reading.""Of course sir." Nick began reading the book but I switched off, today is going to be a long day. After almost an hour and a half of reading comprehension, the bell chimed signaling lunch. I shot up and out of the classroom before anyone could say anything. Today, I was avoiding drama like the plague.
I wandered the corridors straight to the lunch hall. All the people I would normally hang out with we're all mated so I grabbed my lunch quickly, and sat down at the end of the human table. Let me lay the lunch hall out for you. On one side of the room you have two long rows of tables, with simple benches that make it look like prison, on the other side of the room you have multiple round tables with fancy chairs. Yup you get it. The humans sit at the prison tables and the wolves and traitors sit on the fancy tables, they get fancy food, fancy drink and most importantly they get pudding. what I would give to have some pudding. "Dylan can we just talk?" Nick quickly took the spot next to me as he set his lunch tray down. I looked at his food which had been placed on a ceramic, circular white plate. God that looked good. I sighed knowing he was going to talk anyway. "Fine, you have two minutes." I used my fork to take a bit of pasta off his plate and shoved it into my mouth. God that was good. "After I left school, I was taken to the pack house with Arya, and I really got to know her. It took a few days for me to finally accept being with her, but ever since life has been ok, and the sax... well that's a whole other story." Eww, I didn't need that mental image in my head. "I'm glad your happy." I stated before deciding I had no appetite. His face held shock before he sighed in relief. "That means a lot Dylan, I mean you know that your opinion matters to me." I cut him off before he could say anything else. "I said I was glad your happy. I didn't say I approved of what you've done. You've basically turned into one of THEM, I can't ever forgive you for that." He looked hurt, but I couldn't care less about his feelings. He placed his hand gently on my arm and went to open his mouth when a growl sounded out. All heads whipped to where it came from, Arya was stood holding a glass of soda and a plate, she was looking right at me and Nick and I would totally be dead if looks could kil. Nick quickly retracted his hand, his whole face fell and you could see sorrow flood his irises. "You sit with me now, get away from that, that... scum!" Wow, Nick was such a lucky guy. NOT. "You heard her. Get away from me, go sit with your new friends. I'm happy for you, and I understand where your coming from, but don't come up to me again and pretend you didn't betray your own kind. Don't pretend you didn't betray me." I shoved a little bit of food into my mouth before standing up and walking out of the cafeteria, leaving my tray on the table. I was walking through the hallway to the classroom, you see I decided to spend lunch with Mr Foley in his room, when I happened to hear voices in the corridor. "Is it wise for her to actually be present when the king arrives? Surely she could be placed in the dungeons, it might actually teach her some respect?" My principal was speaking to the alpha of our district, huh, if I stayed and listened do you think they'd notice, maybe they could smell me?! "Everyone is to be present, if the Riley girl does one thing out of line she will be dealt with severely, child or not. That girl has been a blight to the district since day one, she's dangerous, if she puts one hair out of place I will personally break her into submission." Oh shet, they were talking about me specifically, and they mentioned the dungeon, that's not been used in months. Normally I would have listened in more but something about the entire situation didn't sit right with me, all of a sudden, I was on edge, and simply wasn't interested in the slightest in hearing how my misery was to be enhanced. I backed up slightly before turning around and bumping head first into one of the hottest man I had ever seen. I lost my balance immediately and fell straight on to the floor letting out a small grumble in the process. His eyebrows knitted together quickly and his breath hitched in his throat as he looked upon my fallen state and gasped. "Mate!" He whispered, his eyes fixated on mine. Now, I had seen and heard that many times to know what that means, I gasped before taking a step back. 'No, no, no, no, no. This can not be happening.' He growled slightly before stepping towards me. Oh Shet!2024.06.01 12:08 GhoulGriin Best 1911 Magwell
 | submitted by GhoulGriin to u/GhoulGriin [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/dg62nixjpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2bf0fd5f8fb4e47a990ee66c49d49cc75572d772 Get ready to discover the perfect addition to your weapon collection! In this roundup, we'll be diving into the world of 1911 Magwells, exploring top-rated options and unveiling their unique features. Join us as we unravel the secrets behind these versatile accessory and guide you on making an informed decision. The Top 18 Best 1911 Magwell
Reviews🔗1791 Stealthy 1911/SIG P220 Magazine Pockethttps://preview.redd.it/hbecwpjkpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ce9d8fee6a60419537b8d3d20dc0b6eac40b1be8 Carrying a spare magazine doesn't have to be a bulky, awkward task. 1791's Snagmag 1911 8Rd/Sig P220 RH is a game-changer. This sleek, black magazine pouch, designed specifically for right-handed users, easily fits into your pocket, ready for a quick swap when you need it. Made from authentic leather in the U. S. A, its construction is solid and durable. It's lightweight, comfortable, and, when you flip it open, you have easy access to the extra ammo you need. It's a pocket-sized lifesaver in any situation, perfect for a concealed carry or for enhancing your performance while practicing with your firearm. However, it may not be for everyone. It's a bit of a niche product, and it might not suit all shooting styles. But for those who have tried it and have found it useful, it's a convenient, reliable way to ensure you're always prepared. The leather construction also adds a tactile touch, making it more than just a mere tool, but a piece of equipment you can feel confident in. 🔗High-Quality 1911 MW Housing for Precision and Performancehttps://preview.redd.it/4sih0bwkpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=536a1303e197b6ebdc802b1c9e0d6d89c3a83c4a Imagine diving into a world of unmatched quality and performance with the Ed Brown 1911 MW Housing. It's like having a trusty sidekick in the form of a superior piece of firearm gear. Just like a trusted friend, this product has been around for a lifetime, honing its craft through a combination of masterful engineering, relentless passion, and decades of practical experience. From the very feel of it to its precision machining, you can see and touch the care that has gone into each and every detail. Pick this up, and you'll instantly feel like you're holding something truly extraordinary. It's not just a firearm component; it's a labor of love and expertise, crafted with an attention to detail that borders on obsession. Of course, like any piece of equipment engineered for such high performance, you might encounter the odd hiccup here and there. But when you're using something as finely-tuned as the Ed Brown 1911 MW Housing, the pros often outweigh the occasional minor inconvenience. Overall, the Ed Brown 1911 MW Housing is a powerhouse. It's precision crafted, top-quality, and is, in short, exactly what you'd expect from a lifetime of experience and expertise in firearm components. It might not be perfect—nothing ever is—but it's as close as you can get. So, if you're looking for a piece of equipment that you can truly rely on, with a rich history of precision machining and exceptional craftsmanship behind it, look no further than the Ed Brown 1911 MW Housing. You won't be disappointed, I promise. 🔗Premium 1911 MW Housing Blankhttps://preview.redd.it/bfs6a9clpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e96202411bf5264d594e31488f860c3b0063de4a The Ed Brown 1911 housing is a fine example of the dedication to precision and quality that makes this brand stand out. As a seasoned gun enthusiast, I've come to appreciate the meticulous attention to detail that goes into crafting these firearms. With this product, I especially noticed the superior components and expert machining that made the gun feel smooth and well-balanced. The mag well housing, in particular, added an element of sophistication to my 1911 replica. While the Ed Brown 1911 housing is an excellent choice for those seeking top-notch performance, there are a few potential downsides to consider. One is the price point, which may be prohibitive for some users. Additionally, while the housing is designed for durability, it's essential to take proper care of it to ensure its longevity. All in all, the Ed Brown 1911 housing is an exceptional product that delivers on promises of quality and craftsmanship. 🔗Universal Single Mag Holder for 1911 Compensatorshttps://preview.redd.it/6eniljmlpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=466d97c1e19c05d404690c0a3e83aa3c9b520347 Imagine this: after a long day at the range or simply enjoying your time at home, you're done with holstering and retrieving your magazines. You reach for your trusty mag holder - a solid, reliable, and convenient accessory that's been your reliable companion for months. But suddenly, it's gone. You need a new one. Fast. Enter C&G's Universal single mag holder. This is the kind of mag holder that makes you say, "I never knew I needed this until now! " It's a game-changer, designed to hold your magazines in place, making your life easier and hassle-free. The C&G's Universal single mag holder is made with high-quality materials, ensuring it lasts long, stays sturdy, and remains a reliable tool in your arsenal. The Universal aspect of this product is a testament to its versatility, as it fits almost all pistols or mags. And let's talk about the fit - it's made for a purpose and designed to ensure that your magazines stay where they should. No more fumbling or worrying about your magazines falling out when you need them most. But what about the looks? Well, let's just say it's not an eyesore. It manages to blend form and function, seamlessly becoming a part of your daily arsenal. The fact that it's made in America by the best professionals in the field is a cherry on top. However, like any other product, it does have a small downside. The clip might take some getting used to, as it's a little bigger and wider than what most users would prefer. But it's a small cost to pay for a product that performs so magnificently. In conclusion, the C&G's Universal single mag holder is a top-notch product that delivers on its promises. It's a reliable and efficient accessory that makes holstering and retrieving your magazines a breeze. It might have a minor issue with the clip size, but overall, it's a must-have for anyone who wants to ensure their magazines stay secure and easily accessible. 🔗ZEV Technologies PRO Mag-well for Gen5 1911 Pistolshttps://preview.redd.it/vnyggy3mpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=385ec628406100d8d79a3fe8e071349ab4ac5f59 I recently added the Zev Magwell Pro Compact to my Glock 19 and was thrilled with the results. The one-piece design made installation a breeze, and the sleek low profile kept my gun looking sharp. The flared base made reloading a breeze, and the improved grip was a game-changer for my accuracy. However, I did need to trim the backstrap a bit to make it fit perfectly, but overall, I'm incredibly happy with this addition to my pistol. 🔗ESD Magwell: Enhancing Glock 17 G5 FDE Reloading Experiencehttps://preview.redd.it/m7gg4ylmpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2f9469d19554098e580fdf40a72be1c0dfc4b85c When I first tried the ESD Magwell for Glock 17 G5 FDE, I was intrigued by its sleek design. Every curve and angle on this magwell seemed to have been carefully crafted with a purpose. The ESD team has put a lot of thought into enhancing a shooter's capabilities using human-centered design. The magwell's symmetrical side cutouts made it incredibly simple to strip magazines, and it effortlessly handled both flush-fitting and extended options. While it might not be necessary for everyone, the ESD Magwell has certainly made my reloading experience more enjoyable and efficient, proving that sometimes, it's the little things that make a big difference. 🔗Walther PPQ Flared Magwell Aluminum Black Mag Accessoryhttps://preview.redd.it/en6s1aumpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dc8804b4d0e3230d159b40cea84715b28c101103 Imagine you're at the shooting range, ready to take on some targets with your trusty Walther PPQ. You reach for your magazine and find that the flared magwell is a game-changer for your aim. Made of strong aluminum, it's a perfect fit for your Walther PPQ, making magazine swaps a breeze. Plus, this magwell works with both steel and polymer frames. While it has its perks, there are a couple of things worth mentioning. First, be aware that this magwell doesn't work with PPQ Sub-Compact or PPQ45 models. Second, it may have fitting issues with some extended magazines. But overall, it's a reliable addition to your shooting setup, and you'll appreciate the extra boost it provides to your aim. 🔗Stainless Steel 188S Magwell for 1911 Pistolshttps://preview.redd.it/vmrj2d7npx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fbe674e85a70cd8301d7d2eb0c38f59df5242c27 I recently had the chance to try out the Wilson Combat Magazine Well Stainless Steel 1911 Magwell, and I have to say, it's been a game-changer in my shooting experience. The magnetic well is incredibly sturdy, and it's made entirely of stainless steel, ensuring its longevity. One thing that really stood out to me is the enhanced magazine compatibility the magwell provides. No more fumbling around to get the right fit - this magwell seamlessly fits most magazine designs, making it a breeze to reload. However, the installation process could be a bit tricky for beginners. It was a learning experience, but with the right tools and a bit of patience, I managed to get it working smoothly. Overall, I'm really happy with the performance of the Wilson Combat Magazine Well Stainless Steel 1911 Magwell. The improved magazine loading speed and enhanced compatibility make it a worthwhile investment for any serious shooter. 🔗Intelligently Engineered Canik TCS Compact Magwellhttps://preview.redd.it/6qllxfonpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2f1e46ec10cee412ddd9bbbc8eee26620714e218 I recently added the Canik TCS Compact Magwell Black to my 1911 handgun, and let me tell you, it has made a significant difference in my daily shooting experience. The sleek, black design not only looks impressive but also provides excellent grip and support while I'm on the range. The ergonomic shape of the extension makes it an absolute game-changer during long shooting sessions, preventing hand fatigue and ensuring a more comfortable hold. However, the TCS Compact Magwell Black isn't without its drawbacks. I've noticed that the weight distribution of the handgun has shifted slightly, making it a bit heavier overall. Additionally, the black color tends to attract dirt and dust more easily than other materials, requiring more frequent cleaning. All in all, the Canik TCS Compact Magwell Black is a high-quality extension that enhances both the aesthetics and functionality of my 1911 firearm. Despite the added weight and maintenance considerations, I would definitely recommend it as a worthwhile addition to any 1911 enthusiast's collection. 🔗Si STRIKE80 Magwell for Strike 80 Compact Frame Kithttps://preview.redd.it/0224z5ynpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2887ababacd1dc1e5cd03ba6e812fed7f0b8b0eb In my quest for the perfect magwell, I stumbled upon the Si STRIKE80 Magwell. With a sleek finish in black, it added an aesthetic charm to my Strike 80 compact frame kit. The fit was impeccable, with the magwell allowing my PMAGs to nestle flush against it, making the gun feel more refined. However, not everything was smooth sailing. On a few occasions, I faced issues with the magwell. Sometimes, I found it hard to seat the base plates of factory mags securely. It seemed like the magwell's design could have been more compatible with the base plates, resulting in a suboptimal user experience. Despite this, the Si STRIKE80 Magwell had some redeeming qualities. For one, it was a reliable magwell that didn't affect the functionality of the gun. Furthermore, it added a certain cool factor that matched well with the Strike 80's compact frame style. Overall, this magwell did its job when it came to accommodating the mag. However, the slight inconsistencies in its compatibility with base plates warranted some consideration. If you can overlook this issue, the Si STRIKE80 Magwell might just be the piece missing from your Strike 80 setup. 🔗Stainless Steel 1911 Magwell for Concealmenthttps://preview.redd.it/7wyiillopx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=62bf7c1bd5f7abd3b3d66bed930e6608b3052a68 I've been using the Wilson Bullet Proof Magwell Full SS for a while now, and I must say that it's quite impressive. This one-piece magwell is crafted from solid billet and CNC-Machined, making it durable and robust. Its stainless steel finish adds a touch of class to any 1911 pistol. What I really love about this magwell is its large internal opening. It ensures a smooth reloading process, making it perfect for competition or carry. The low profile, radiused outside contour is ideal for both. However, it does require some fitting to blend with pre-beveled frames. The variety of grip shapes available, along with precisely machined checkering, allows for a perfect match with your pistol. It's also compatible with most fine custom handguns. The flat mainspring model drops into most guns, while round butt models need frame contouring. Overall, despite the need for some fitting, the Wilson Bullet Proof Magwell Full SS is a top-quality product that enhances the functionality of your 1911. It's definitely a worthwhile investment for those looking to improve their pistol's performance. 🔗Enhanced Magwell for Glock 19/23 Pistolshttps://preview.redd.it/ysfah8vopx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dfd124b1d4d21b66219afadade92b815e125ef28 Recently I added the Reptilia Black Hole Poly Magwell to my trusty GLOCK - a game-changer for my reloading skills. It fits seamlessly with both Generation 3 and 4 frames, a true all-arounder. One of the standout features is the use of impact-modified reinforced nylon, and of course, it's made in the USA. It's compatible with 9mm and. 40-caliber GLOCK pistols but does not work with 10 round factory Glock magazines; however, it's perfect with Magpul 10 round mags. This magwell has made a notable difference in my shooting experience and I find myself reaching for it whenever I grab my GLOCK. It's been a reliable addition to my kit and highly recommended for GLOCK owners. 🔗1911 Magwell For SCT Polymer Glock Gen 3 Framehttps://preview.redd.it/4zaega6ppx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b3c8687e562af23ca27579e7d4b2f11d154ad519 I recently got my hands on the Magwell for SCT19 Polymer Glock Gen 3 Frame. As a gun enthusiast, I was intrigued by this accessory and decided to put it to the test in my daily life. The first thing that caught my eye was its sleek, outdoor green finish. It complemented my Glock perfectly and added a touch of class to my firearm. Using this Magwell, I noticed a significant improvement in the speed of my reloads. The ergonomic design allowed for a smoother movement, saving me precious seconds in critical situations. However, I did encounter a slight snag in the process – the Magwell wasn't quite compatible with my specific model, causing a minor inconvenience. Overall, the Magwell for SCT19 Polymer Glock Gen 3 Frame proved to be a reliable addition to my firearm. The speedy reloads it provided and the stylish finish it came with made it a worthwhile investment. But, I would urge fellow Glock users to double-check the compatibility before making a purchase to avoid any potential issues. 🔗Zev Technologies PRO Mag-well for 1911 - Enhance Shooting Consistency and Speedhttps://preview.redd.it/hwv1vbrppx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2fa1f93e2e1bbbd7a684d5515276d181a2ada917 Zev Magwell Pro has been a game-changer for me in my daily gun training. I love the flared, slightly wider design which aids in a smoother, faster magazine insertion. The lightweight aluminum construction feels sturdy and reliable, yet doesn't add any bulk to the Glock's balance. Installation was straightforward, even for a gun novice like me. The lack of set screws for a flush fit on the backstrap is a minor drawback, but it's not a deal-breaker. The improved reload speed and additional comfort it provides make it worth the small inconvenience. I highly recommend the Zev Magwell Pro to anyone looking to elevate their Glock's performance. Buyer's GuideWhen it comes to optimizing your 1911 handgun, there are a few key features you should be on the lookout for in a magwell. The magwell, or magazine well, is a modification that increases the speed at which you can reload your gun. It also makes it easier to grip and insert the magazine, crucial in high-pressure situations. In this buyer's guide, we will discuss important considerations and general advice when purchasing a 1911 magwell.Importance of Materialhttps://preview.redd.it/pzvp0pbrpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f1b63274990f88c7ff8681a3a3e33343aa5ee166 The magwell is often made from lightweight materials such as aluminum or carbon fiber, but it can also be made from steel. While steel may be more durable, it is heavier and could potentially slow down your draw. Consider the weight and the balance of your handgun when choosing the material for your magwell. Size and ShapeOne of the primary benefits of a magwell is the ease of magazine insertion and retrieval. Therefore, the size and shape of the magwell will impact its efficiency. Some magwells are designed to be larger, accommodating longer magazines or allowing for a quicker reload. Ensure that the magwell you're considering complements the height of your magazine and matches your personal preferred shape for grip comfort.Choke PortsChoke ports or adjustable choke tubes are sometimes integrated with magwells as part of a multi-functional kit. Choke ports provide the ability to alter the angle and tightness of your shotgun barrel, which can be advantageous for various shooting scenarios. Consider if you want these additional features or if you prefer a magwell strictly for the purpose of speeding up your reload time. https://preview.redd.it/4ikw0ajrpx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=852e3c7eb5849f071c61491b4fd57a9e12b6d94a IntegrationAvoid magwells that require extensive modifications or replacement of existing parts of your handgun to mount. The magwell should ideally be compatible with most standard 1911 frames and be easy to install. Check the manufacturer's specifications or consult user guides to ensure compatibility.PriceThere are various price points for 1911 magwells, reflecting differences in materials, functionality, and design. Consider your budget and ensure that the magwell you choose aligns with your expectations and requirements.Reviews and Ratingshttps://preview.redd.it/4v2jtj4spx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c19e7f20a435052fcf9885e24767f768be1e2c8d As with any purchased, it's always a good idea to read reviews and gather insights on the quality of a 1911 magwell before making your decision. Reviews from gun enthusiasts and experts can provide valuable feedback on the durability, efficiency, and overall performance of the magwell. Final ThoughtsA well-designed 1911 magwell can significantly improve the performance and efficiency of your handgun, especially in high-pressure or competitive shooting scenarios. When selecting a magwell, bear in mind the material, size and shape, integration, price, and reviews. With the right magwell, you can elevate your handgun to an optimal level for competitive performance or personal defense. Happy shooting!FAQhttps://preview.redd.it/fg2uapbspx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2c61e075802b17497b09e7f78260503cacb815b3 What is a 1911 Magwell?A 1911 magwell is a type of aftermarket accessory designed to enhance the performance and functionality of the 1911 handgun. It is typically installed in place of the standard grip panel or attached to the gun's frame, providing an extended magazine well to improve the user's grip and facilitate faster reloads.What are the benefits of using a 1911 Magwell?
What types of materials are 1911 Magwells made of?1911 magwells can be made from various materials such as aluminum, steel, polymer, or a combination of these. The choice of material depends on the user's preferences, budget, and desired durability or weight reduction.How do I install a 1911 Magwell?Installing a 1911 magwell typically requires removing the existing grip panel or frame section, cleaning the surface, and applying adhesive or mechanical fasteners to secure the magwell in place. It is recommended to follow the manufacturer's installation instructions carefully to ensure proper fit and function.Are there any compatibility issues with 1911 Magwells?Some 1911 magwells may have compatibility issues with certain handguns, particularly those with modified frames or aftermarket components. It is essential to verify compatibility with the specific firearm before purchasing a magwell to avoid any potential fitting issues.What are the differences between 1911 Magwells from various manufacturers?
How do I maintain and clean my 1911 Magwell?To maintain and clean your 1911 magwell, simply wipe it down with a soft cloth to remove any dirt or debris. If there is any adhesive residue left from installation, use a mild solvent to remove it. Avoid using abrasive cleaners or scrubbers, which may damage the finish or surface.As an Amazon™ Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. |
2024.06.01 11:42 ConsequenceSure3063 Best 1911 Laser Grips
 | https://preview.redd.it/4949kf81lx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5c55d2286a8e5a56f0bd793a28c73eceb05def33 submitted by ConsequenceSure3063 to u/ConsequenceSure3063 [link] [comments] Welcome to our article highlighting the top 1911 laser grips available on the market today. Whether you're a seasoned gun enthusiast or just starting your journey, these grips will enhance your shooting experience and provide an added layer of safety. In this roundup, we've curated a selection of the finest laser grips for the 1911 pistol, ensuring that you'll find the perfect addition to your arsenal. The Top 9 Best 1911 Laser Grips
Reviews🔗Fab Def Gradus Grip - Reinforced Polymer Core with Textured Rubber Overmold for Enhanced Comfort and Precision Shootinghttps://preview.redd.it/n7wguee2lx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a9d9b44f1fb293afa9245e33e1541484dc38d9ae The Gradus pistol grip from FAB Defense has been a staple in my daily carry-on gun. I've found that its reinforced polymer core with a textured rubber overmold provides a comfortable yet secure grip. The 15-degree reduced grip angle is perfect for those precision shots, especially during CQB scenarios. I also appreciate the slim ergonomic design and curved back strap, which makes for a more enjoyable and comfortable grip. The AR-style beaver tail adds a touch of ruggedness and makes it easy to attach to any compatible firearm. Plus, it comes in a beautiful Flat Dark Earth color, which adds a touch of style without being overbearing. While it's not the cheapest grip on the market, I'm willing to pay a bit extra for the quality that FAB Defense provides. However, my only complaint is that it doesn't come with a mounting screw, which might be a hassle for some users. All in all, it's a top-notch grip that's worth considering for your next firearm purchase. 🔗Ergonomic AK Bakelite Orange Pistol Grip by US Palmhttps://preview.redd.it/8yadrak2lx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7635907e32a567d88dd3937b5dbce88b8bfa1049 I've been using the US Palm AK Bakelite Orange Pistol Grip, also known as the Jericho 941 Grips, in my daily life for a while now, and let me tell you, it's truly a game-changer. The ergonomic design of the grip makes it incredibly comfortable to hold, providing more control and reducing hand fatigue during extended use. The bright orange color adds a touch of style, making it stand out from other grips on the market. One aspect I particularly love about this grip is the level of customization it offers. The texture is perfect, offering enough grip without being too abrasive, and it has a slightly cushioned feel that's both comfortable and reliable. However, one small downside is that the grip is slightly heavier than other options on the market, weighing in at 0.38 oz. This might not be a major concern for most users, but it's something to consider if you're looking for a lightweight grip. In conclusion, the US Palm AK Bakelite Orange Pistol Grip is an ergonomic, stylish, and reliable choice for anyone looking to upgrade their grip. Despite its slight weight, the pros definitely outweigh the cons in this case, making it a top contender in the market for sure-shot accuracy and comfort. 🔗Premium Cocobolo Wood 1911 Govt. Griphttps://preview.redd.it/st5hz433lx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8a4c2ca2d8694ecd6f274ee1f43c59d0860a3dee You know that feeling of getting your hands on a perfectly crafted piece, where every detail is meticulously done? Well, that's exactly what using these Ed Brown Grips feels like. They may look like just another set of handgun grips, but take one in your hand and it's game over. What really stood out for me was the Cocobolo wood - not just because it boasts a striking appearance, but because it's the densest and strongest of all the rosewoods. It's the perfect choice for high-quality grips like these. However, there's a tiny downside - they're not cut for an ambi safety. But hey, perfection isn't perfect, right? These grips have a certain charm about them that makes holding your Taurus revolver feel like a luxury experience. And when you're working with a tool as important as a firearm, feel really matters. So, while they might seem like just another part to some, to me, they're the difference between a good day and a fantastic one. 🔗Hogue Ultra Thin 1911 Grips in Slate Gray with Finger Grooveshttps://preview.redd.it/6ewe4ph3lx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4558f35b3df09305afad3be5768e3d970c9153ca These Hogue 1911 Government Panels, with their unique Slate Grey Rubber finish, have become an essential part of my daily carry. The finger grooves made of Cobblestone Texture provide a comfortable grip, allowing me to hold the pistol securely without sacrificing my ability to quickly draw it when needed. The OverMolded grips add a touch of elegance, and I appreciate the subtle Ultra Thin design that doesn't compromise functionality. While the texture might be a bit more noticeable than I would prefer, so far, I haven't experienced any issues, and the grips have held up well under the stress of regular use. Overall, these Hogue 1911 grips have proved to be a reliable addition to my arsenal, and I'll continue to trust them on important outings. 🔗Comfortable 1911 Laser Grip Add-On with Finger Grooveshttps://preview.redd.it/xg9laws3lx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4d6444d50f6537db2b98d4be650e758c1d83ccb2 In my daily life, I've had the pleasure of using this Pearce Finger Groove Add On for my 1911 Government full-size pistol. The first thing that stood out to me was how effortlessly it slipped under the existing grips, making no compromises in the gun's aesthetic. The side portion of these grips is incredibly slim, ensuring that the overall width of my firearm remained unaffected. With the added rubber finger grooves, I experienced enhanced comfort and improved handling, which made a noticeable difference during recoil. One of the best aspects of this add-on is its compatibility with various types of side panel grips, such as wood, simulated ivory, and pearlite. This feature allowed me to continue using my preferred grip without having to sacrifice comfort for the sake of finger grooves. Installation was a breeze, and I appreciated that no trimming was required. Overall, the Pearce Finger Groove Add On is an excellent investment for any 1911 owner who desires both a functional and visually appealing grip solution. 🔗1911 Laser Grips Slate Gray with Finger Grooveshttps://preview.redd.it/igp0ji44lx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8777d47fedaa2dbe68055e8bc4f62ef0409f9372 During my time in the shooting range, I've had the opportunity to put my hands on several different gun grips. Some were uncomfortable, some slippery, and others seemed to disappear as I struggled to maintain a solid grip. That was until I tried the Hogue Rubber Officer's - a slate grey wonder to behold. Slipping this beauty onto my 1911 Officer 43002, I instantly felt the cobblestone texture that filled my hands with a renewed sense of confidence. The rubber compound, sturdy and durable, left me feeling protected and secure from any potential recoil. The slate grey color was a cool and calming contrast to the fire and smoke that surrounded me. However, the story doesn't end with all praise. The finger grooves, despite being a nice touch, felt slightly awkward and intrusive. I found myself wishing for a smooth, continuous surface that wouldn't impede my grip. Additionally, while the rubber material made for a solid base, it was also a bit too friction-driven. In extremely humid conditions, I experienced a slight difficulty sliding the grip back into its natural position. But after using it for a few weeks, I felt more comfortable and found those quirks to be minimal. All in all, the Hogue Rubber Officer's is a worthy companion to my trusty firearm. The balance of practical design and aesthetic appeal makes it a valuable asset in any firearms enthusiast's arsenal. Though it's not a perfect product, it's certainly a step in the right direction. 🔗Ultra-Thin 1911 Grips for Commander & Other Handgunshttps://preview.redd.it/mgran7o4lx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8fa8de0d500dd7e651db0f9cc8870ccad5f94614 I've recently taken these 1911 Operator II G10 Grips out for a spin, and let me tell you, they're a game-changer. These grips are ambidextrous and feature an easy-to-use safety cut, so regardless of your preference, they'll suit you perfectly. The Predator Green color really sets them apart from other grips on the market, and their sleek G10 material ensures a reliable grip without adding any bulk. I particularly appreciate their ultra-thin design, which allows for smooth handling, and the textured surface provides excellent traction. However, I have noticed that they aren't compatible with specific 1911 or Commander models, so make sure your gun model matches. Overall, these grips have made a noticeable difference in my shooting experience, and I highly recommend them for any 1911 enthusiast. 🔗1911 Blued Beavertail Memory Grove Safety Griphttps://preview.redd.it/8o17hty4lx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5fcd529d244237ad0f7965aaf774aa185c8b3ff7 I recently had the chance to try out the Blue S80 1911 Machined Memory Grove BeaverTail Safety. This sleek, sturdy firearm safety is a perfect blend of style and functionality. The blued finish gives it a unique and elegant look, while the beavertail cut provides a comfortable grip that's easy to hold onto. One of the standout features of this safety is the grooved design. It's not only a great aesthetic touch but also provides a practical benefit by giving users a better grip. However, the Blue S80 does have a few drawbacks. For instance, its slim profile can make it difficult for some users to find a comfortable position. Nevertheless, overall, it's a solid choice for those looking for a stylish and effective firearm safety. 🔗High-Ride 1911 Style Stainless Steel Laser Grip for Enhanced Comfort and Precisionhttps://preview.redd.it/997znwb5lx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=538c7030e29d85a2e43ef2e781a261b936dfb25c I recently got my hands on the Wilson Combat 298S BeaverTail Grip Safety, and I must say, it's a game-changer for my 1911 Auto. I used it for an entire day at the range, and the high-ride design allowed me to hold the gun more comfortably and with better control. The raised Pisi-Release tab also made disengaging the safety a breeze. However, I did notice some minor hiccups. For one, the product came with a barrel bushing instead of the grip safety I ordered, which left me quite disappointed. Additionally, I encountered a few issues with fitment and had to do some custom work to make it work with my firearm. Overall, the Wilson Combat 298S BeaverTail Grip Safety improved my experience with my 1911 Auto significantly, but it did come with a few unexpected challenges. Buyer's Guidehttps://preview.redd.it/xajk13r5lx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=908f4bac9ec582783403d4ee6a5a56467778d774 Choosing the right 1911 laser grip can be a daunting task with so many options available on the market. In this buyer's guide, we will outline important features, considerations, and general advice for purchasing the best 1911 laser grip to suit your needs. Important Features
https://preview.redd.it/8i80s176lx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=27d16116cb733bb2f23740fbec53b568e53fe4ca Considerations
General Advicehttps://preview.redd.it/92zkd9r6lx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=98a198009bbda0f87e38893108cc4c311f3a1fad
FAQhttps://preview.redd.it/ralldi07lx3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3d8f8faf2a00b886453e2c45bbb04e9e547aea70 What are 1911 laser grips?1911 laser grips are specialized grips that have built-in laser sights designed for use with 1911-style handguns. These grips provide a convenient and integrated laser sight solution for shooters looking to improve their accuracy and aim.What are the benefits of using 1911 laser grips?1911 laser grips offer several advantages:
Do all 1911 laser grips work with all 1911 handguns?No, not all 1911 laser grips are compatible with every 1911 handgun. Some brands and models are specifically designed for certain frame sizes or styles, so it's essential to check compatibility before purchasing.How do I choose the best 1911 laser grip for my needs?When selecting a 1911 laser grip, consider the following factors:
Are 1911 laser grips safe to use?As long as you handle and store your 1911 laser grip and handgun responsibly, they can be safe to use. Always follow proper handling and storage guidelines, and be aware of your surroundings when using a laser in any capacity.As an Amazon™ Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. |
2024.06.01 11:39 markwallwork75 2 Year Update
So last week marked then 2nd anniversary of the fateful day I went into the local family clinic in Holmfirth England and had my life changed in 10 minutes. Here is an over view of various aspects and how they have changed over 2 years
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- Pain. Far less than the first 6 to 7 months or so. When I was in constant agony with left sided nerve pain. However I have cycles. First 6 months awful. Winter 22 up to Jan 23 practically went away . Was sitting at work again. Jan 23 to March 23 pain on the right side and noticeable lump started. Very painful,and painful to ejaculate . Subsequently diagnosed as a sperm granola which has since gone . May 23-sep 23 return of left side pulling pain coinciding with summer and testes descending . Sep 23-Nov 23 little to no pain . Nov23 to Dec 23 rolled onto my front in a hotel bed asleep and up with sucking nerve type pain in my right for 1 month. Dec 23 to feb 23 some left side pain . Booked reversal see below . March 23 to may 23 slipped a disc in my neck. Agony . 9/10 on pain scale. Testicle pain was absent as brain was concentrated on greater pain . Now. Neck pain subsiding . Constant feeling on ache or fullness in both testicles with left being worse
- Emotions. A rollercoaster . I’m living my life now and getting on with it . First 6 months was suicidal, second 12 months varied from grief to extreme anger directed at the doctor who performed my op. Now I’ve settled . I want to get back to normal but am starting to forget what normal feels like
- Medication . Tried coedine for first 3 months . Now been on amlytryptline for 18 months 20 to 10 mg a day. Does it do anything ? Not sure he,ps me sleep and I think it’s helped my depression . Would like to come off it
- Sex. Still enjoyable but orgasm release doesn’t feel complete . Am not sure if this mental or physical. I no longer ejaculate daily probably 2 to 3 times a week otherwise it’s sore
- Future. Reversal was booked at best life for oct. I’m deferring to next year to allow my slipped disc to fully heal .
- Life style . I’m back on my bike and go to gym. Can only do 1 hour max though. Still find cinema painful and have to do reclining seats at showcase . Running has stopped . I use a stand up desk at work (although this is for back and groin ). Done some physio for tight pelvic floor which helps.