Ralph woods interview
The SDR Show (Sex, Drugs, & Rock-n-Roll Show)
2015.02.09 06:43 MoreBitcoinTV The SDR Show (Sex, Drugs, & Rock-n-Roll Show)
The SDR Show (Sex, Drugs, & Rock-n-Roll Show) with comedian Big Jay Oakerson and radio host Ralph Sutton. Every week they interview rockstars, pornstars, and more!
2015.02.09 07:08 MoreBitcoinTV The SDR Show (Sex, Drugs, & Rock-n-Roll Show)
The SDR Show (Sex, Drugs, & Rock-n-Roll Show) with comedian Big Jay Oakerson and radio host Ralph Sutton. Every week they interview rockstars, pornstars, and more!
2008.11.18 15:20 Anarcho-Capitalism: A free and voluntary society leads to more liberty and opportunity for everyone.
Welcome to /Anarcho_Capitalism, a place to discuss free market capitalist anarchism and related topics, and share things that would be of interest to Anarcho-Capitalists.
2024.05.23 08:30 VolarRecords The UFO Rabbit Hole Podcast: Inquire Anomalous Presents [Ep 3]: James Fox & Leslie Kean hosted by Curt Jaimungal on Apple Podcasts
Kelly Chase's great The UFO Rabbit Hole Podcast just posted its newest entry, a re-airing of an interview hosted by Curt Jaimungal of Theories of Everything with director James Fox (of The Phenomenon, Moment of Contact, etc.) and journalist Leslie Keane, who helped write the now-famous Dec. 17, 2017 story alongside Ralph Blumenthal and Helene Cooper:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-ufo-rabbit-hole-podcast/id1595590107?i=1000656466707
A couple of interesting things stick out in this listen:
Around the 27-minute mark, Leslie Keane talks about the autopsy report of the police officer in the Varginha case who died after capturing the being. He supposedly received a scratch of some, and after talking to the doctor, who is famous in Brazil for his autopsy reports, it was determined that the officer's death was the result of microorganisms not seen in humans.
She then brings up the Politico article that was released within minutes of the NYTimes article that almost broke the story and took over the narrative ahead of the one she had worked on alongside Blumenthal and Cooper:
https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2017/12/16/pentagon-ufo-search-harry-reid-216111/
In this episode of the Really? podcast with Dave Foley and Tom Wheeler, she talks more at length about the autopsy report and how she went to Garry Nolan to investigate the microorganisms:
https://youtu.be/8PoOeqyxrN4?si=OJ0KMzUuHQwcFVl_
submitted by VolarRecords to UFOs [link] [comments]
Glowing Auras and ‘Black Money’: The Pentagon’s Mysterious U.F.O. Program https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/16/us/politics/pentagon-program-ufo-harry-reid.htmlGlowing
Here's The UFO Rabbit Hole Podcast episode (this is the Apple Podcast link, but you should be able to find this wherever you do so for your podcasts):https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-ufo-rabbit-hole-podcast/id1595590107?i=1000656466707
A couple of interesting things stick out in this listen:
Around the 27-minute mark, Leslie Keane talks about the autopsy report of the police officer in the Varginha case who died after capturing the being. He supposedly received a scratch of some, and after talking to the doctor, who is famous in Brazil for his autopsy reports, it was determined that the officer's death was the result of microorganisms not seen in humans.
She then brings up the Politico article that was released within minutes of the NYTimes article that almost broke the story and took over the narrative ahead of the one she had worked on alongside Blumenthal and Cooper:
https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2017/12/16/pentagon-ufo-search-harry-reid-216111/
In this episode of the Really? podcast with Dave Foley and Tom Wheeler, she talks more at length about the autopsy report and how she went to Garry Nolan to investigate the microorganisms:
https://youtu.be/8PoOeqyxrN4?si=OJ0KMzUuHQwcFVl_
2024.05.23 08:28 VolarRecords The UFO Rabbit Hole Podcast: Inquire Anomalous Presents [Ep 3]: James Fox & Leslie Kean hosted by Curt Jaimungal on Apple Podcasts
Kelly Chase's great The UFO Rabbit Hole Podcast just posted its newest entry, a re-airing of an interview hosted by Curt Jaimungal of Theories of Everything with director James Fox (of The Phenomenon, Moment of Contact, etc.) and journalist Leslie Keane, who helped write the now-famous Dec. 17, 2017 story alongside Ralph Blumenthal and Helene Cooper:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-ufo-rabbit-hole-podcast/id1595590107?i=1000656466707
A couple of interesting things stick out in this listen:
Around the 27-minute mark, Leslie Keane talks about the autopsy report of the police officer in the Varginha case who died after capturing the being. He supposedly received a scratch of some, and after talking to the doctor, who is famous in Brazil for his autopsy reports, it was determined that the officer's death was the result of microorganisms not seen in humans.
She then brings up the Politico article that was released within minutes of the NYTimes article that almost broke the story and took over the narrative ahead of the one she had worked on alongside Blumenthal and Cooper:
https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2017/12/16/pentagon-ufo-search-harry-reid-216111/
In this episode of the Really? podcast with Dave Foley and Tom Wheeler, she talks more at length about the autopsy report and how she went to Garry Nolan to investigate the microorganisms:
https://youtu.be/8PoOeqyxrN4?si=OJ0KMzUuHQwcFVl_
That episode is broken down further here in this How and Why's article:
https://www.howandwhys.com/leslie-kean-claims-varginha-ufo-crash-was-real/
By Vicky Verma 10 months ago
Leslie Kean: Varginha UFO Crash Was Real; Alien Organism Found In Police Officer Body Who Died of Infection
In the 2023 July UAP hearings, whistleblower David Grusch mentioned “Non-Human Biologics,” claiming that the U.S. had retrieved them from alleged UFO crash sites. He claimed having knowledge of the exact locations of UAPs in U.S. possession. Remarkably, the day after the hearings, Leslie Kean discussed the 1996 Varginha UFO crash in an interview that seemed to support Grusch’s statement on Non-Human Biologics.
Non-Human Biologics, also known as non-human biological matter, refers to living or deceased species of non-human biology. This category encompasses any species that is not human. Investigative journalist Leslie Kean, when discussing the legendary Varginha crash, affirmed its authenticity, and she mentioned the unfortunate case of a Brazilian police officer who died due to an infection after encountering the creature. The organism responsible for the infection was one that is not typically found in the human body.
In a recent episode of the podcast show “Really,” investigative journalist Leslie Kean discussed the baffling case of the 1996 Varginha UFO crash, shedding new light on this astonishing incident that has captured the imagination of UFO enthusiasts worldwide. Joining hosts Tom Wheeler and Dave Foley, Kean delved into the incredible claims surrounding the event and the efforts to uncover the truth.
The conversation began with Tom and Dave mentioning “Moment of Contact” filmmaker James Fox’s social media post, where Leslie Kean confirmed the involvement of the U.S. military in the Varginha incident. Kean emphasized that her sources had indeed confirmed the military’s role in moving materials out of Brazil, validating the incident as it has been described.
The Varginha case revolves around a reported crashed UFO in Varginha, Brazil that happened in 1996, where many locals claimed to have seen two alien creatures, captured by the Brazilian military. According to Kean, one creature was dead while the other one was still alive.
According to the report, the encounter involved two military police officers, who came across a creature running in front of their vehicle. One of the officers, Marco Chereze, supposedly captured the creature with his bare hands but later suffered from an infection that turned out to be fatal.
Kean revealed that she personally spoke with the doctors who had treated the police officer before his tragic demise. She said: “The circumstances of his death are really shocking. He had this little cut on his shoulder from having grabbed this entity when it was alive, and it cut him. Then he got a horrific infection, and no antibiotics would work.” The veteran Brazilian doctor she spoke to, known for his expertise in autopsies, had never encountered anything like that, indicating the severity and uniqueness of the situation.
The journalist further expressed her intent to uncover more details about the mysterious infection, including collaborating with Stanford Professor Garry Nolan to understand the organisms involved. According to Kean, one of the organisms found during the autopsy was typically exclusive to animals, raising questions about its presence in the human body. Speculating on the implications, she pondered whether such an organism could be linked to extraterrestrial life. Though the records were limited, Kean indicated that the case presented numerous fascinating avenues for investigation.
As the hosts probed further, Kean mentioned the witnesses involved in the case. While she primarily focused on autopsy reports and discussions with medical professionals, James Fox conversed with several military personnel connected to the incident. The presence of credible military sources added depth to the credibility of the accounts.
submitted by VolarRecords to aliens [link] [comments]
Glowing Auras and ‘Black Money’: The Pentagon’s Mysterious U.F.O. Program https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/16/us/politics/pentagon-program-ufo-harry-reid.htmlGlowing
Here's The UFO Rabbit Hole Podcast episode (this is the Apple Podcast link, but you should be able to find this wherever you do so for your podcasts):https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-ufo-rabbit-hole-podcast/id1595590107?i=1000656466707
A couple of interesting things stick out in this listen:
Around the 27-minute mark, Leslie Keane talks about the autopsy report of the police officer in the Varginha case who died after capturing the being. He supposedly received a scratch of some, and after talking to the doctor, who is famous in Brazil for his autopsy reports, it was determined that the officer's death was the result of microorganisms not seen in humans.
She then brings up the Politico article that was released within minutes of the NYTimes article that almost broke the story and took over the narrative ahead of the one she had worked on alongside Blumenthal and Cooper:
https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2017/12/16/pentagon-ufo-search-harry-reid-216111/
In this episode of the Really? podcast with Dave Foley and Tom Wheeler, she talks more at length about the autopsy report and how she went to Garry Nolan to investigate the microorganisms:
https://youtu.be/8PoOeqyxrN4?si=OJ0KMzUuHQwcFVl_
That episode is broken down further here in this How and Why's article:
https://www.howandwhys.com/leslie-kean-claims-varginha-ufo-crash-was-real/
Leslie Kean: Varginha UFO Crash Was Real; Alien Organism Found In Police Officer Body Who Died of Infection
Last updated: August 4, 2023 1:58 amBy Vicky Verma 10 months ago
Leslie Kean: Varginha UFO Crash Was Real; Alien Organism Found In Police Officer Body Who Died of Infection
In the 2023 July UAP hearings, whistleblower David Grusch mentioned “Non-Human Biologics,” claiming that the U.S. had retrieved them from alleged UFO crash sites. He claimed having knowledge of the exact locations of UAPs in U.S. possession. Remarkably, the day after the hearings, Leslie Kean discussed the 1996 Varginha UFO crash in an interview that seemed to support Grusch’s statement on Non-Human Biologics.
Non-Human Biologics, also known as non-human biological matter, refers to living or deceased species of non-human biology. This category encompasses any species that is not human. Investigative journalist Leslie Kean, when discussing the legendary Varginha crash, affirmed its authenticity, and she mentioned the unfortunate case of a Brazilian police officer who died due to an infection after encountering the creature. The organism responsible for the infection was one that is not typically found in the human body.
In a recent episode of the podcast show “Really,” investigative journalist Leslie Kean discussed the baffling case of the 1996 Varginha UFO crash, shedding new light on this astonishing incident that has captured the imagination of UFO enthusiasts worldwide. Joining hosts Tom Wheeler and Dave Foley, Kean delved into the incredible claims surrounding the event and the efforts to uncover the truth.
The conversation began with Tom and Dave mentioning “Moment of Contact” filmmaker James Fox’s social media post, where Leslie Kean confirmed the involvement of the U.S. military in the Varginha incident. Kean emphasized that her sources had indeed confirmed the military’s role in moving materials out of Brazil, validating the incident as it has been described.
The Varginha case revolves around a reported crashed UFO in Varginha, Brazil that happened in 1996, where many locals claimed to have seen two alien creatures, captured by the Brazilian military. According to Kean, one creature was dead while the other one was still alive.
According to the report, the encounter involved two military police officers, who came across a creature running in front of their vehicle. One of the officers, Marco Chereze, supposedly captured the creature with his bare hands but later suffered from an infection that turned out to be fatal.
Kean revealed that she personally spoke with the doctors who had treated the police officer before his tragic demise. She said: “The circumstances of his death are really shocking. He had this little cut on his shoulder from having grabbed this entity when it was alive, and it cut him. Then he got a horrific infection, and no antibiotics would work.” The veteran Brazilian doctor she spoke to, known for his expertise in autopsies, had never encountered anything like that, indicating the severity and uniqueness of the situation.
The journalist further expressed her intent to uncover more details about the mysterious infection, including collaborating with Stanford Professor Garry Nolan to understand the organisms involved. According to Kean, one of the organisms found during the autopsy was typically exclusive to animals, raising questions about its presence in the human body. Speculating on the implications, she pondered whether such an organism could be linked to extraterrestrial life. Though the records were limited, Kean indicated that the case presented numerous fascinating avenues for investigation.
As the hosts probed further, Kean mentioned the witnesses involved in the case. While she primarily focused on autopsy reports and discussions with medical professionals, James Fox conversed with several military personnel connected to the incident. The presence of credible military sources added depth to the credibility of the accounts.
Doctor who saw Varginha Alien
Dr. Italo Venturelli, a neurosurgeon from Regional Hospital, was shown a video of the Varginha alien by another physician. Researchers Marco Leal and João Marcelo interviewed Dr. Venturelli to inquire about the day the creature was brought to his hospital. He clarified that he had not performed any surgery on the alien. (Click here to read the full article)2024.05.23 04:32 thelemanwich M27 [M4F] #PA #Online - Anyone else looking for someone to talk to?
I've been pretty introverted lately and don't really text anyone. Would love to make some friends and talk about random shit or play some video games. I'm usually on League or Predecessor... I also play some MTG arena :)
I'm pretty chill, love to laugh and be goofy. I like to listen to music (specifically post hardcore, alternative, emo... My top bands rn are Microwave and Citizen!). I like to spend time with family, I drink, love cars and want to keep learning about fixing mine. I have big dreams that hopefully I'll accomplish!
Also very much into stand up comedy and can watch comedy specials over and over again... Dave Chappelle, Ali Saddiq, Bill Burr, Fluffy, Nimesh Patel, Taylor Tomlinson, Ralph Barbosa, Nate Bargatze, Mike Birbiglia, Josh Johnson, Roy Wood Jr., Pete Davidson....... Just to name a few 😅)
Down to verify/trade a pic if youre down. I don't like reddit chat though, so eventually I'd want to switch to snapchat/discord/whatever
Don't text me if you don't try in conversations.
submitted by thelemanwich to r4r [link] [comments]
I'm pretty chill, love to laugh and be goofy. I like to listen to music (specifically post hardcore, alternative, emo... My top bands rn are Microwave and Citizen!). I like to spend time with family, I drink, love cars and want to keep learning about fixing mine. I have big dreams that hopefully I'll accomplish!
Also very much into stand up comedy and can watch comedy specials over and over again... Dave Chappelle, Ali Saddiq, Bill Burr, Fluffy, Nimesh Patel, Taylor Tomlinson, Ralph Barbosa, Nate Bargatze, Mike Birbiglia, Josh Johnson, Roy Wood Jr., Pete Davidson....... Just to name a few 😅)
Down to verify/trade a pic if youre down. I don't like reddit chat though, so eventually I'd want to switch to snapchat/discord/whatever
Don't text me if you don't try in conversations.
2024.05.23 03:44 KarmaSundae White House in greenfield tornado
I’ve watched the video over and over and I still don’t understand what’s happening to the big garage next to the White House. At first I thought it was smoke because the exposed wood looks like fire at first glance and I don’t think it’s that now, but it also looks like water. Also, besides extremely sturdy building materials, is there a reason the main house next to the garage didn’t take as much damage? The Tornado was past the house and still doing significant damage . I need the homeowner to do an interview because I have so many questions! https://youtu.be/BFXN3X4e5sE?si=MESSboWi204e7VYo
submitted by KarmaSundae to tornado [link] [comments]
2024.05.23 00:20 musmanoo7 [WTS] Niche & Designer Partials (Bottle)
FOR SALE
Pics: https://imgur.com/a/new-yIZSFO6
Prices include shipping
Bundle for discount
PayPal, Venmo, Cashapp accepted
PM for any question
CONUS Only
submitted by musmanoo7 to fragranceswap [link] [comments]
| New | Total |
|---|---|
| SPIRIT OF DUBAI TURATH 50ML TESTER | $155.00 |
| SARAH JESSICA PARKER STASH 100ML | $45.00 |
| Partials | Total |
|---|---|
| YSL RIVE GAUCHE POUR HOMME (LEVEL SHOWN) SOLD!!! | $60.00 |
| AMOUAGE JUBILATION 40 MAN 90/100ML SOLD!!! | $350.00 |
| AMOUAGE KING BLUE 90/100ML | $245.00 |
| AMOUAGE ROSE INCENSE 90/100ML | $170.00 |
| AMOUAGE WOODS SYMPHONY 90/100ML | $167.00 |
| INITIO NARCOTIC DELIGHT 80/90ML TESTER | $210.00 |
| MICALLEF DESIRTOXIC L'INTENSE 90/100ML | $160.00 |
| PAPILLON BENGALE ROUGE 40/50 ML | $140.00 |
| STEPHAN HUMBERT LUCAS CRYING OF EVIL 40/50ML | $185.00 |
| FORT & MANLE FORTY THIEVES 40/50ML | $110.00 |
| FRAGRANCE DU BOIS CAVORT 90/100ML TESTER | $175.00 |
| FRAGRANCE DU BOIS NEW YORK INTENSE 90/100ML TESTER | $155.00 |
| FRAGRANCE DU BOIS OUD VIOLET INTENSE 90/100ML TESTER | $270.00 |
| FRAGRANCE DU BOIS PARISIAN 90/100ML TESTER | $335.00 |
| FRAGRANCE DU BOIS PM 90/100ML TESTER | $225.00 |
| FRAGRANCE DU BOIS SAHRAA 90/100ML TESTER | $380.00 |
| FRAGRANCE DU BOIS SIBERIAN ROSE 90/100ML TESTER | $145.00 |
| HISTOIRES DE PARFUM AMBRE 114 50/60ML TESTER | $75.00 |
| JPG GAULTIER 2 90/100ML | $110.00 |
| PROFUMUM ROMA FIORE D'AMBRA 90/100ML TESTER | $175.00 |
| PROFUMUM ROMA OLIBANVM 90/100ML TESTER | $180.00 |
| PROFUMUM ROMA SOAVISSIMA 90/100ML TESTER | $180.00 |
| PROFUMUM ROMA SORRISO 90/100ML TESTER | $190.00 |
| PROFUMUM ROMA THVNDRA 90/100ML TESTER | $154.00 |
| SPIRIT OF DUBAI RIMAL 40/50ML TESTER | $140.00 |
| WIDIAN HILI 40/50ML | $140.00 |
| WIDIAN LIWA 40/50ML | $140.00 |
| XERJOFF HAYAT 90/100ML TESTER | $155.00 |
| XERJOFF JABIR 40/50ML TESTER | $130.00 |
| XERJOFF LAYLA 40/50ML TESTER | $120.00 |
| XERJOFF TEMPEST 40/50ML TESTER | $115.00 |
| XERJOFF EMPIRYAN 90/100ML TESTER | $165.00 |
| XERJOFF HOLYSM 40/50ML TESTER | $145.00 |
| VINTAGE/DISCONTINUED | Total |
|---|---|
| AZZARO POUR HOMME INTENSE 50ML (LEVEL SHOWN) SOLD!!! | $25.00 |
| GUERLAIN JICKY EDT 50ML (LEVEL SHOWN) | $70.00 |
| PACO RABANNE POUR HOMME 1ST GEN SPLASH 60ML | $75.00 |
| PACO RABANNE POUR HOMME EAU 50ML (LEVEL SHOWN) SOLD!!! | $20.00 |
| RALPH LAUREN POLO BLUE 125ML (LEVEL SHOWN) | $30.00 |
| ROCCOBAROCO BLACK JEANS 75ML TESTER (LEVEL SHOWN) | $20.00 |
| THIERRY MUGLER B MEN REFILL 90/100ML | $95.00 |
| VERSACE BABY BLUE JEANS (LEVEL SHOWN) | $60.00 |
| YSL RIVE GAUCHE FRAICHEUR 100ML (LEVEL SHOWN) | $40.00 |
Prices include shipping
Bundle for discount
PayPal, Venmo, Cashapp accepted
PM for any question
CONUS Only
2024.05.22 23:39 PhilsTriangle [USA-NJ] [H] Retro Games & Consoles - Nintendo (NES), SNES, N64, Gameboy, GBA, Gamecube, Nintendo DS/3DS, Wii, Playstation, PS2, PS3, Sega Genesis, Sega 32x, Xbox, Xbox 360 [W] PayPal, Venmo
Pictures: https://imgur.com/a/reddit-5-22-24-aBoOV2s
Shipping is $5 flat (with tracking) for anything under one pound. Let me know if you need pictures of anything. I have over 420+ confirmed transactions on this board. Right now I only accept PayPal Friends & Family, Venmo F&F or Local Cash.
Consoles
GBA Indigo - $80 shipped
GBA SP (Silver CIB) - $120 shipped
Nintendo 2DS w/ charger - $85 shipped
Nintendo 3DS XL Pokemon X & Y Edition Console - $225 shipped
Nintendo 64 Console w/ hookups + OEM Controller - $90 shipped
Nintendo Wii Console (gamecube compatible) w/ hookups + Wii remote & numb chuck - $75 shipped
PS2 w/ hookups, OEM controller, OEM memory card - $100 shipped
Retron 5 Hyperkin (GBA/GBC/SNES/NES/Genesis) unused CIB - $120 shipped
Super Nintendo w/ hookups & OEM controller - $95 shipped
Xbox OG Console w/ hookups & OEM controller + Project Gotham Racing (CIB) - $100 Shipped
Controllers/Accessories
Gameboy OEM Clam Shells (lot of 32) - $65 shipped
Gamecube OEM Controller (Indigo) - $30 shipped
Gamecube OEM Wavebird Controller w/ receiver- $95 shipped
NES OEM 10-Cart Storage Case (includes 10 OEM NES sleeves)- $25 + shipping (3x avail)
N64 OEM Expansion Pak - $50 shipped
N64 OEM Green Controller - $30 shipped
N64 Memory Card - $14 shipped
PS2 Logitech Wireless Controller (w/ dongle) - $35 shipped
PS2 OEM Memory Card- $14 shipped
Sega GameGear Super Wide Gear - $20 shipped
Wii U Wireless Controller (WUP-005) & charging cable - $35 shipped (2x avail)
N64 Games
007 GoldenEye - $25
007 World is Not Enough - $14
Army Men Sarge's Heroes - $15
Automobil Lamborghini - $8
Backstage Assault - $12
Banjo Kazooie - $25
Banjo-Tooie - $33
Bass Hunter 64 - $8
Batman Beyond - $35
Beetle Adventure Racing - $17
Charlies Blasts - $40
Diddy Kong Racing - $25
Doom 64 - $30
Duke Nukem 64 (sticker) - $20
Extreme G Racing - $10
Forsaken 64 - $10
Gex 64 - $16
Iggy's Reckin' Balls - $20
Killer Instinct Gold - $30
Knockout Kings 2000 - $6
Magical Tetris Challenge - $20
Mario Kart - $40
Monster Truck Madness - $15
MRC Multi Championship Racing - $10
Namco Museum 64 - $12
Nascar 99 - $7
Nascar 2000 - $7
NBA In the Zone 98 - $5
NBA Live 99 (CIB) - $20
NBA Showtime - $12
Polaris Sno-Cross -$30
Pokemon Snap - $20
Quest 64 - $25
Ready 2 Rumble Boxing - $12
Ridge Racer 64 - $15
San Francisco Rush - $15
Spiderman - $25
Starfox 64 - $25
Star Wars Episode 1 Racer - $10
South Park Chef's Luv Shack - $25
Supercross 2000 - $7
Super Mario 64 - $35
Super Smash Bros. - $40
Tetrisphere - $12
Top Gear Rally - $10
Turok Dinosaur Hunter - $12
Turok 2 Seeds of Evil - $12
Virtual Pool - $13
Waialae Country Club - $6
War Gods - $10
Wave Race (Player's Choice) - $15
WCW Backstage Assault - $11
WCW NWO Revenge - $11
Wheel of Fortune - $11
N64 Manuals
1080 Snowboarding - $7
Duke Nukem Manual - $10
Flying Dragon Manual - $40
Rush Extreme Racing - $8
Silicon Valley Space Station Manual - $40
Supercross 2000 - $6
Tony Hawk Pro Skater - $6
Nintendo Gamecube Games (CIB unless noted)
ATV Quad Power Racing 2 - $10
The Hobbit - $24
Enter the Matrix - $13
Eternal Darkness - $90
Fifa 2003 - $6
Fifa Street 2 - $25
Finding Nemo - $8
F-Zero GX - $90
Gun (missing manual) - $10
Harry Potter Chambers of Secret - $12
Killer 7 - $65
Luigi's Mansion - $60
Madden 2003 - $5
Madden 2007 - $8
Mario Golf Toadstool Tour - $27
Mario Kart Double Dash - $75
Monopoly Party - $10
Monsters, Inc. Scream Arena - $7
Nascar Thunder 2003 - $7
Pikmin - $50
Power Rangers Dino Thunder - $8
Resident Evil - $25
Resident Evil 2 - $100
Resident Evil 4 - $30
Resident Evil Zero - $18
The Sims Bustin Out - $12
Smuggler's Run (missing manual) - $12
Sonic Adventure Battle 2 (missing manual) - $45
Spiderman 2 - $15
Spyro A Hero's Tail (missing manual) - $15
SSX Tricky - $28
Starfox Assault - $45 (CIB; some wear to cover art)
Super Mario Sunshine (missing manual) -$35
Super Smash Brothers Melee - $60
Ty the Tasmanian Tiger (missing manual) - $12
WWE Crush Hour - $27
WWE Day of Reckoning 2 (missing manual) - $25
Nintendo DS Games (cart only unless CIB noted)
Avatar The Game - $6
Bionicle Matoran Adventures - $6
Build-A-Bear Workshop (CIB) - $6
Carnival (CIB) - $6
Deal or No Deal - $5
Guitar Hero On Tour Bundle (CIB) - $25
Happy Feet - $4
Horsez (CIB) - $6
Hot Wheels Beat That - $6
Kung Fu Panda (CIB) - $6
Mario Party DS - $13
Mario Kart DS (loose) - $15
Mario Kart DS (CIB) - $18
Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games (CIB) - $10
Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Winter Games (CIB) - $10
Megaman Starforce Dragon - $85 shipped
Metroid Hunters First Hunt - $6
Nacho Libre - $15
Namco Museum DS - $8
Naruto Ninja Council 3 - $6
New Super Mario Bros. (CIB) -$22
Nickelodeon Team Umizoomi - $6
Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney - $20
Picross 3D - $9
Ping Pals - $3
Planet Puzzle League - $10
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky (case & manual only, no game) - $55
Pokemon Ranger Shadows of Almia (cart only) - $30
Ratatouille - $5
Rayman DS - $10
Ridge Racer DS - $8
Shrek Superslam - $5
Spiderman 3 - $8
Star Wars II The Original Trilogy (LEGO) - $6
Super Money Ball Touch & Roll - $6
Transformers Animated - $11
Tron Evolution - $4
Zhu Zhu Pets - $3
Nintendo 3DS (cart only unless noted)
Animal Crossing: New Leaf (CIB) - $20
Lego Marvel Superheroes: Universe in Peril - $5
Mario Kart 7 - $12
Minecraft New Nintendo 3DS Edition - $18
Pilotwings Resort - $10
Pokemon X (CIB) - $30
Skylander Giants - $6
Skylander Swap Force - $16
Skylander Trap Team - $12
Super Mario Maker - $10
Super Smash Bros (CIB) - $15
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - $9
Wipeout: Create & Cash - $5
Wreck-it Ralph - $6
Yo-Kai Watch - $15
NES Games (cart only; unless noted)
8 Eyes - $11
A Boy and His Blob (cart, box, manual) - $40
Blades of Steel - $8
Bubble Bobble - $16
Burgertime - $15
Castlevania II Simon's Quest - $15
Castlevania III Dracula's Curse - $45
Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers (CIB) - $125
Contra - $40
Dick Tracy - $7
Double Dragon - $13
Donkey Kong 3 - $20
Dr. Mario - $10
Duck Tales - (cart & box) - $100
Excite Bike - $11
Faxanadu - $11
GI Joe: A Real American Hero - $75
Golf - $3
Legend of Zelda - $30
Mickey Mousecapade - $7
Mike Tyson's Punch-out - $40
Paperboy - $16
Punch-Out - $20
Rad Racer - $6
RBI Baseball 3 (cart & box) - $25
Robocop - $10
Rollerball - $8
Skate or Die 2 (cart & box) - $65
Spy Hunter - $5
Street Fighter 2010 - $15
Super Glove Ball - $7
Super Mario Bros. 2 - $20
Super Off-Road - $12
Super Team Games - $7
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II - The Arcade Game (cart & box) - $80
Tiger Heli - $8
Wall Street Kid (cart, box, registration card, poster) - $45
WWF Wrestlemania - $6
SNES Games (cart only)
Aladdin - $15
Castlevania IV - $45
Clue - $5
Earthbound - $350
F-Zero (Player's Choice) - $20
Jungle Strike - $9
Ken Griffey Jr Major League Baseball - $11
Kirby's Avalanche - $15
Lion King - $11
Mario Paint - $6
Mega Man X - $32
Mickey Mania - $13
Mortal Kombat - $13
Ms. Pacman - $9
NBA All-Star Challenge - $5
Pilot Wings - $10
Scooby Doo Mystery - $11
Starfox - $15
Super Adventure Island - $16
Super Baseball 2020 - $13
Super Ghouls N Ghosts - $23
Super Mario All-Stars - $25
Super Mario Kart - $40
Super Mario World - $20
Super Punch Out - $28
Top Player Tennis - $8
WWF Raw - $13
Zombies Ate My Neighbors - $30
Gameboy/GBC
All-Star Baseball 200 - $5
Batman - $20
Dr. Mario - $12
New Adventures of Mary Kate & Ashley - $5
Men In Black - $5
Pac-Man - $9
Rugrats the Movie - $8
Shrek - $5
The Smurfs Nightmare - $15
Tony Hawk 2 - $5
Tony Hawk 3 - $8
Yu-Gi-Oh Dark Duel Stories - $10
Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3 - $25
GBA (cart only unless noted)
Aggravation/Sorry/Scrabble - $5
Barnyard - $8
Bratz - $4
Care Bears Care Quest (CIB) - $28
Cars - $5
Cars (CIB) - $16
Castlevania Double Pack - $85
Cho Makaimura R Super Ghouls N Ghost ( Japanese Import) - $95 Shipped
Crash Bandicoot 2 N-tranced - $10
Crash Huge Adventure - $11
Curious George (CIB) - $28
Dave Mirra Freestyle BMX 2 - $4
Disney Party - $10
Disney Princess (CIB) - $12
Donkey Kong Country (GBC/CIB) - $56
Dora Explorer's Pirate Pig's Treasure - $4
Dragon Ball Z Supersonic Warriors - $20
Elf - $10
ESPN Great Outdoor Games Bass 2002 - $5
F-14 Tomcat - $7
Finding Nemo - $5
Green Eggs & Ham (CIB) - $20
Incredibles (CIB) - $14
Kong 8th Wonder of the World - $5
Lost Vikings - $25
Madden 2005 - $5
Mario Kart Super Circuit (torn label) - $20
Metroid Zero Mission - $60
Monsters Inc - $4
Monster Jam Maximum Destruction - $6
Namco Museum - $6
Oddworld Munch's Oddysee - $12
Pirates of the Caribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl - $5
Pong Asterios Yar's Revenge - $4
Sonic Advance 3 - $25
Quad Desert Furty - $3
Shaun Palmers Pro Snowboarding (GBC/CIB) - $10
Shrek Swamp Kart Speedway - $5
Spirit Stallion of the Cimarron - $5
SpongeBob Battle for Bikini Bottom - $7
Spongebob Squarepants Super Sponge - $6
SSX 3 - $7
The Incredibles - $3
Thunder Alley - $5
Top Gear GT Championship - $10
Sony PSP (all CIB)
Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII - $15
Gurumin A Monstrous Adventure - $42
LocoRoco - $10
Mega Man Powered Up - $38
Parappa the Rapper - $27
Sega Genesis Collection - $17
PS1 Games (CIB unless noted)
007 Tomorrow Never Dies - $7
Action Bass - $6
Andretti Racing (GH) - $5
Ball Breakers (sealed) - $10
Bass Championship - $7
Battle Arena Toshinden (GH) - $14
Bust A-Move 4 - $17
Driver 2 (GH) - $10
Fighting Force - $20
IHRA Drag Racing - $5
Missile Command - $6
MLB 2001 - $9
MLB 2003 - $9
Nascar Heat (CIB) - $7
NBA Live 2000 - $8
NBA Shootout 98 - $9
NHL 98 - $8
NHL Faceoff 97 (GH) - $5
PlayStation Underground Jampack Fall 2001 - $9
Resident Evil 2 (DualShock Edition) - $65
Rocket Power Team Rocket Rescue - $7
Rugrats in Paris: The Movie - $12
Spongebob SquarePants Super Pants - $7
Syphon Filter 2 (GH) - $10
Tecmo Super Bowl - $20
Tiger Woods 99 - $8
Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3 - $12
Twisted Metal 2 (Greatest Hits) - $32
Toy Story 2 - $22
Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour - $20
World Cup 98 - $12
PS2 Games (CIB unless noted)
All-Star Baseball 2005 - $5
Ape Escape 2 - $48
Ape Escape 3 - $43
ATV Offroad Fury 2 - $6
Avatar the Last Airbender - $8
Batman Begins - $13
Batman Vengeance - $19
Buffy the Vampire Slayer Chaos Bleeds - $28
Burnout Revenge - $11
Burnout 3 Takedown - $13
Buzz the Mega Quiz - $12
Capcom Classics Collection Volume 2 - $13
Castlevania Lament of Innocence -$25
Corvette - $5
Crash Bandicoot The Wrath of the Cortex - $12
Crash Nitro Kart (GH) - $9
Crazy Taxi - $10
Dance Dance Revolution Extreme 2 - $7
Dead to Rights - $6
Devil May Cry (GH) - $7
Enter the Matrix - $10
Eragon - $6
Family Feud - $5
Finding Nemo - $6
Fire Pro Wrestling Returns - $10
Ford Racing 3 - $5
Frogger the Great Quest - $7
Golden Compass - $5
GTA 3- $10
Gran Turismo 3 - $5
Godfather the Game - $14
Guitar Hero - $10
Guitar Hero Aerosmith - $7
Guitar Hero II - $7
Guitar Hero III Legends of Rock - $9
High Heat Major League Baseball 2004 - $5
Hot Wheels Velocity - $10
Hot Wheels World Race (missing manual) - $12
Hobbit - $10
Ice Age 2 The Meltdown - $7
Ironman - $6
Karaoke Revolution Party - $8
Karaoke Revolution Presents: American Idol - $5
Legends of Wrestling II - $12
Lego Star Wars The Original Trilogy - $6
Lego Star Wars The Video Game - $7
Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring - $10
Madden 2003 - $5
Madden 2004 - $5
Madden 2005 -$5
Madden 2007 - $5
Matt Hoffman's Pro BMX 2 - $10
Max Payne - $10
Metal Arms Glitch in the System - $16
Midway Arcade Treasures (1) - $12
Midway Arcade Treasures (2) - $12
MLB 07 the Show - $5
MLB Slugfest 2003 - $10
MLB Slugfest 2004 - $13
Namco Museum (GH) - $8
Nascar 2001 - $5
Nascar Thunder 2003 - $7
NBA Street - $12
Need for Speed Underground 2 (missing manual) - $20
NFL Blitz Pro - $10
NFL Street - $17
NFL Street 3 (missing manual) - $20
Pinball Hall of Fame - $5
Pirates - The Legend of Black Kat - $12
Power Rangers: Dino Thunder - $8
Reel Fishing III - $7
Resident Evil Code Veronica X - $13
Rise of Kasai - $8
Rocky - $11
Scooby Doo First Frights - $13
Sega Superstars - $10
Sega Superstar Tennis - $10
Shrek Superslam - $8
Simpson's Hit & Run (Greatest Hits) -$50
Spiderman - $10
Sprint Cars Road to Knoxville - $6
Spy Hunter - $7
Spy Hunter 2 (missing manual) - $7
Starsky & Hutch - $7
SSX - $7
SSX 3 - $9
SSX On Tour - $8
Superman Shadow of Apokolips - $14
Super Monkey Ball Adventure - $10
Summoner - $10
Taito Legends - $15
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Battlenexus (missing manual) - $17
Teen Titans - $22
Theme Park Roller Coaster - $8
Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2004 - $6
Thrillville - $6
Thrillville Off the Rails - $10
Time Crisis 3 - $23
Ty the Tasmanian Tiger - $11
Wheel of Fortune - $6
Virtua Fighter 4 (missing manual) - $6
Warriors of Might & Magic - $10
WWE Smackdown vs Raw - $11
WWE Smackdown vs Raw 2007 (Sealed) - $45
WWE Smackdown vs Raw 2007 - $17
WWE Smackdown vs Raw 2009 - $10
WWE Smackdown Shut Your Mouth - $15
PS3
Band Hero - $6
Batman Arkham Asylum - $7
Battlefield 3 - $6
Call of Duty Advanced Warfare - $6
Call of Duty Ghosts - $6
Call of Duty Mordern Warfare 3 - $6
Call of Duty 4 Modern Warfare - $7
Call of Juarez Bound in Blood - $9
Crysis 2 - $7
Dirt 2 - $12
Dirt 3 - $10
Driver San Francisco - $25
Enemy Territory Quake Wars - $9
Fifa Soccer 11 - $5
Fight Night Champion - $13
GTA IV Complete Edition - $25
Gran Turismo 5 Prologue - $8
Gran Turismo XL Edition - $11
Gran Turismo 6 - $19
Heavy Fire: Afghanistan - $10
Infamous - $6
Infamous 2 - $8
Killzone 2- $7
Killzone 3 - $7
Lego 3: Beyond Batman - $8
Lego Harry Potter Years 5-7 - $7
Lego The Hobbit - $9
LittleBigPlanet - $9
Madden 2011 - $5
Metro: Last Night - $8
Mortal Kombat Komplete Edition - $12
MLB the Show 10 - $4
MLB the Show 11 - $4
Monster Jam Path of Destruction - $20
NCAA Football 11 - $9
Sports Champions - $5
Tiger Woods PGA Tour 14 [Masters Historic Edition] - $23
Transformers Fall of Cybertron - $35
Transformers Rise of the Dark Spark - $13
Virtua Tennis 3 - $6
WWE 2K16 - $12
PS Vita
Lumines Electronic Symphony - $16
Need for Speed Most Wanted - $20
Sly Cooper Collection - $50
Sega 32X (all cart only)
Primal Rage - $50
Virtua Fighter - $24
Virtua Racing - $20
Sega Dreamcast Games (disc & manual only***; do not have original cases unless noted CIB)
Centipede - $7
Plasma Sword Night of Bilstein - $50
Psychic Force 2012 - $25
Ready 2 Rumble Boxing - $12
Resident Evil Code Veronica (CIB) - $40
Rippin Riders - $5
Sega Bass Fishing - $8
Sega Rally 2 Championship - $12
Speed Devils - $15
Sword of Berserk: Gut's Rage (game only) - $65
Trick Style - $7
Zombie Revenge - $30
Sega Genesis (**CIB unless noted)
Aladdin (cart + manual) - $10
Double Dragon (cart & box) - $45
Game Genie (loose + booklet) - $20
Hard Drivin' (Missing Manual) - $15
John Madden Football (cart + manual) - $20
Lemmings (CIB) - $30
MERCS (cart & box) - $35
NBA Jam T.E. (CIB) - $20
Prime Time NFL Football starring Deon Sanders (cart +manual) - $9
Ren & Stimpy Show: Stimpy's Intervention (CIB) - $20
Road Rash II (CIB) - $22
Robocop 3 (CIB) - $40
Streets of Rage (cart only) - $22
Super Off-Road (CIB) - $30
WWF Super Wrestlemania (CIB) - $20
X-Men (cart + manual) - $15
Zero Tolerance (CIB) - $35
Sega Master System (CIB unless noted)
Alex Kidd: The Lost Stars - $28
California Games (missing manual) - $20
Choplifter - $18
Ghostbusters - $25
Great Baseball - $10
Monopoly - $10
Parlour Games - $10
Pro Wrestling - $14
Rocky - $17
Space Harrier (missing manual) - $18
Shinobi (includes map; missing manual) - $30
Xbox (all CIB)
MechAssault 2 Lone Wolf (Limited Edition) - $8
Project Gotham Racing - $6
Xbox 360 (CIB)
Assassin's Creed - $6
Assasin's Creed II - $6
Asssasin's Creed III - $6
Battlefield Hardline Deluxe Edition - $10
Battlefield 3 Limited Edition - $6
Bioshock - $7
Bioshock Infinite - $5
Call of Duty World at War - $9
Call of Juarez: Blood Bound - $10
Civilization Revolution - $6
CSI Hard Evidence - $9
Fifa Soccer 10 - $5
Fifa Work Cup South Africa 2010 - $5
Game of Thrones - $11
Gears of War - $9
Halo 4 - $5
Injustice Gods Among Us - $5
L.A. Noire - $7
Mass Effect - $5
Mass Effect 2 - $5
N3 Ninety-Nine Nights - $20
NBA 2K12 - $5
NHL 10 - $3
NHL 14 - $6
Saints Row 2 - $10
Saints Row The Third - $5
Skate 3 - $6
Star Trek Legacy - $18
Star Wars Kinect - $7
Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2007 - $5
Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2008 - $5
Top Spin 3 - $6
Walking Dead Survival Instinct - $8
Wheel of Fortune - $14
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire -$5
Nintendo Wii (all CIB unless noted)
Animal Crossing City Folk - $20 (includes inserts but missing manual)
Celebrity Sports Showdown - $6
Guitar Hero World Tour - $18
Little League World Series Baseball 2008 - $10
Madden 2013 - $14
Mario Kart Wii - $35
Mario Super Sluggers (disc only) - $25
Mario Strikers Charged (disc only) - $10
NBA Live 09 All-Play - $5
New Super Mario Bros - $25
Super Monkey Ball Banana Blitz - $6
Super Smash Bros. Brawl - $20
Tony Hawk Downhill Jam - $5
Tony Hawk Shred Big Air - $5
Warioware Smooth Moves - $22
Wii Sports - $22
Wii Sports Resort - $30
Wheel of Fortune - $6
WWE Smackdown vs Raw 2009 - $7
submitted by PhilsTriangle to GameSale [link] [comments]
Shipping is $5 flat (with tracking) for anything under one pound. Let me know if you need pictures of anything. I have over 420+ confirmed transactions on this board. Right now I only accept PayPal Friends & Family, Venmo F&F or Local Cash.
Consoles
GBA Indigo - $80 shipped
GBA SP (Silver CIB) - $120 shipped
Nintendo 2DS w/ charger - $85 shipped
Nintendo 3DS XL Pokemon X & Y Edition Console - $225 shipped
Nintendo 64 Console w/ hookups + OEM Controller - $90 shipped
Nintendo Wii Console (gamecube compatible) w/ hookups + Wii remote & numb chuck - $75 shipped
PS2 w/ hookups, OEM controller, OEM memory card - $100 shipped
Retron 5 Hyperkin (GBA/GBC/SNES/NES/Genesis) unused CIB - $120 shipped
Super Nintendo w/ hookups & OEM controller - $95 shipped
Xbox OG Console w/ hookups & OEM controller + Project Gotham Racing (CIB) - $100 Shipped
Controllers/Accessories
Gameboy OEM Clam Shells (lot of 32) - $65 shipped
Gamecube OEM Controller (Indigo) - $30 shipped
Gamecube OEM Wavebird Controller w/ receiver- $95 shipped
NES OEM 10-Cart Storage Case (includes 10 OEM NES sleeves)- $25 + shipping (3x avail)
N64 OEM Expansion Pak - $50 shipped
N64 OEM Green Controller - $30 shipped
N64 Memory Card - $14 shipped
PS2 Logitech Wireless Controller (w/ dongle) - $35 shipped
PS2 OEM Memory Card- $14 shipped
Sega GameGear Super Wide Gear - $20 shipped
Wii U Wireless Controller (WUP-005) & charging cable - $35 shipped (2x avail)
N64 Games
007 GoldenEye - $25
007 World is Not Enough - $14
Army Men Sarge's Heroes - $15
Automobil Lamborghini - $8
Backstage Assault - $12
Banjo Kazooie - $25
Banjo-Tooie - $33
Bass Hunter 64 - $8
Batman Beyond - $35
Beetle Adventure Racing - $17
Charlies Blasts - $40
Diddy Kong Racing - $25
Doom 64 - $30
Duke Nukem 64 (sticker) - $20
Extreme G Racing - $10
Forsaken 64 - $10
Gex 64 - $16
Iggy's Reckin' Balls - $20
Killer Instinct Gold - $30
Knockout Kings 2000 - $6
Magical Tetris Challenge - $20
Mario Kart - $40
Monster Truck Madness - $15
MRC Multi Championship Racing - $10
Namco Museum 64 - $12
Nascar 99 - $7
Nascar 2000 - $7
NBA In the Zone 98 - $5
NBA Live 99 (CIB) - $20
NBA Showtime - $12
Polaris Sno-Cross -$30
Pokemon Snap - $20
Quest 64 - $25
Ready 2 Rumble Boxing - $12
Ridge Racer 64 - $15
San Francisco Rush - $15
Spiderman - $25
Starfox 64 - $25
Star Wars Episode 1 Racer - $10
South Park Chef's Luv Shack - $25
Supercross 2000 - $7
Super Mario 64 - $35
Super Smash Bros. - $40
Tetrisphere - $12
Top Gear Rally - $10
Turok Dinosaur Hunter - $12
Turok 2 Seeds of Evil - $12
Virtual Pool - $13
Waialae Country Club - $6
War Gods - $10
Wave Race (Player's Choice) - $15
WCW Backstage Assault - $11
WCW NWO Revenge - $11
Wheel of Fortune - $11
N64 Manuals
1080 Snowboarding - $7
Duke Nukem Manual - $10
Flying Dragon Manual - $40
Rush Extreme Racing - $8
Silicon Valley Space Station Manual - $40
Supercross 2000 - $6
Tony Hawk Pro Skater - $6
Nintendo Gamecube Games (CIB unless noted)
ATV Quad Power Racing 2 - $10
The Hobbit - $24
Enter the Matrix - $13
Eternal Darkness - $90
Fifa 2003 - $6
Fifa Street 2 - $25
Finding Nemo - $8
F-Zero GX - $90
Gun (missing manual) - $10
Harry Potter Chambers of Secret - $12
Killer 7 - $65
Luigi's Mansion - $60
Madden 2003 - $5
Madden 2007 - $8
Mario Golf Toadstool Tour - $27
Mario Kart Double Dash - $75
Monopoly Party - $10
Monsters, Inc. Scream Arena - $7
Nascar Thunder 2003 - $7
Pikmin - $50
Power Rangers Dino Thunder - $8
Resident Evil - $25
Resident Evil 2 - $100
Resident Evil 4 - $30
Resident Evil Zero - $18
The Sims Bustin Out - $12
Smuggler's Run (missing manual) - $12
Sonic Adventure Battle 2 (missing manual) - $45
Spiderman 2 - $15
Spyro A Hero's Tail (missing manual) - $15
SSX Tricky - $28
Starfox Assault - $45 (CIB; some wear to cover art)
Super Mario Sunshine (missing manual) -$35
Super Smash Brothers Melee - $60
Ty the Tasmanian Tiger (missing manual) - $12
WWE Crush Hour - $27
WWE Day of Reckoning 2 (missing manual) - $25
Nintendo DS Games (cart only unless CIB noted)
Avatar The Game - $6
Bionicle Matoran Adventures - $6
Build-A-Bear Workshop (CIB) - $6
Carnival (CIB) - $6
Deal or No Deal - $5
Guitar Hero On Tour Bundle (CIB) - $25
Happy Feet - $4
Horsez (CIB) - $6
Hot Wheels Beat That - $6
Kung Fu Panda (CIB) - $6
Mario Party DS - $13
Mario Kart DS (loose) - $15
Mario Kart DS (CIB) - $18
Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games (CIB) - $10
Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Winter Games (CIB) - $10
Megaman Starforce Dragon - $85 shipped
Metroid Hunters First Hunt - $6
Nacho Libre - $15
Namco Museum DS - $8
Naruto Ninja Council 3 - $6
New Super Mario Bros. (CIB) -$22
Nickelodeon Team Umizoomi - $6
Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney - $20
Picross 3D - $9
Ping Pals - $3
Planet Puzzle League - $10
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky (case & manual only, no game) - $55
Pokemon Ranger Shadows of Almia (cart only) - $30
Ratatouille - $5
Rayman DS - $10
Ridge Racer DS - $8
Shrek Superslam - $5
Spiderman 3 - $8
Star Wars II The Original Trilogy (LEGO) - $6
Super Money Ball Touch & Roll - $6
Transformers Animated - $11
Tron Evolution - $4
Zhu Zhu Pets - $3
Nintendo 3DS (cart only unless noted)
Animal Crossing: New Leaf (CIB) - $20
Lego Marvel Superheroes: Universe in Peril - $5
Mario Kart 7 - $12
Minecraft New Nintendo 3DS Edition - $18
Pilotwings Resort - $10
Pokemon X (CIB) - $30
Skylander Giants - $6
Skylander Swap Force - $16
Skylander Trap Team - $12
Super Mario Maker - $10
Super Smash Bros (CIB) - $15
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - $9
Wipeout: Create & Cash - $5
Wreck-it Ralph - $6
Yo-Kai Watch - $15
NES Games (cart only; unless noted)
8 Eyes - $11
A Boy and His Blob (cart, box, manual) - $40
Blades of Steel - $8
Bubble Bobble - $16
Burgertime - $15
Castlevania II Simon's Quest - $15
Castlevania III Dracula's Curse - $45
Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers (CIB) - $125
Contra - $40
Dick Tracy - $7
Double Dragon - $13
Donkey Kong 3 - $20
Dr. Mario - $10
Duck Tales - (cart & box) - $100
Excite Bike - $11
Faxanadu - $11
GI Joe: A Real American Hero - $75
Golf - $3
Legend of Zelda - $30
Mickey Mousecapade - $7
Mike Tyson's Punch-out - $40
Paperboy - $16
Punch-Out - $20
Rad Racer - $6
RBI Baseball 3 (cart & box) - $25
Robocop - $10
Rollerball - $8
Skate or Die 2 (cart & box) - $65
Spy Hunter - $5
Street Fighter 2010 - $15
Super Glove Ball - $7
Super Mario Bros. 2 - $20
Super Off-Road - $12
Super Team Games - $7
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II - The Arcade Game (cart & box) - $80
Tiger Heli - $8
Wall Street Kid (cart, box, registration card, poster) - $45
WWF Wrestlemania - $6
SNES Games (cart only)
Aladdin - $15
Castlevania IV - $45
Clue - $5
Earthbound - $350
F-Zero (Player's Choice) - $20
Jungle Strike - $9
Ken Griffey Jr Major League Baseball - $11
Kirby's Avalanche - $15
Lion King - $11
Mario Paint - $6
Mega Man X - $32
Mickey Mania - $13
Mortal Kombat - $13
Ms. Pacman - $9
NBA All-Star Challenge - $5
Pilot Wings - $10
Scooby Doo Mystery - $11
Starfox - $15
Super Adventure Island - $16
Super Baseball 2020 - $13
Super Ghouls N Ghosts - $23
Super Mario All-Stars - $25
Super Mario Kart - $40
Super Mario World - $20
Super Punch Out - $28
Top Player Tennis - $8
WWF Raw - $13
Zombies Ate My Neighbors - $30
Gameboy/GBC
All-Star Baseball 200 - $5
Batman - $20
Dr. Mario - $12
New Adventures of Mary Kate & Ashley - $5
Men In Black - $5
Pac-Man - $9
Rugrats the Movie - $8
Shrek - $5
The Smurfs Nightmare - $15
Tony Hawk 2 - $5
Tony Hawk 3 - $8
Yu-Gi-Oh Dark Duel Stories - $10
Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3 - $25
GBA (cart only unless noted)
Aggravation/Sorry/Scrabble - $5
Barnyard - $8
Bratz - $4
Care Bears Care Quest (CIB) - $28
Cars - $5
Cars (CIB) - $16
Castlevania Double Pack - $85
Cho Makaimura R Super Ghouls N Ghost ( Japanese Import) - $95 Shipped
Crash Bandicoot 2 N-tranced - $10
Crash Huge Adventure - $11
Curious George (CIB) - $28
Dave Mirra Freestyle BMX 2 - $4
Disney Party - $10
Disney Princess (CIB) - $12
Donkey Kong Country (GBC/CIB) - $56
Dora Explorer's Pirate Pig's Treasure - $4
Dragon Ball Z Supersonic Warriors - $20
Elf - $10
ESPN Great Outdoor Games Bass 2002 - $5
F-14 Tomcat - $7
Finding Nemo - $5
Green Eggs & Ham (CIB) - $20
Incredibles (CIB) - $14
Kong 8th Wonder of the World - $5
Lost Vikings - $25
Madden 2005 - $5
Mario Kart Super Circuit (torn label) - $20
Metroid Zero Mission - $60
Monsters Inc - $4
Monster Jam Maximum Destruction - $6
Namco Museum - $6
Oddworld Munch's Oddysee - $12
Pirates of the Caribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl - $5
Pong Asterios Yar's Revenge - $4
Sonic Advance 3 - $25
Quad Desert Furty - $3
Shaun Palmers Pro Snowboarding (GBC/CIB) - $10
Shrek Swamp Kart Speedway - $5
Spirit Stallion of the Cimarron - $5
SpongeBob Battle for Bikini Bottom - $7
Spongebob Squarepants Super Sponge - $6
SSX 3 - $7
The Incredibles - $3
Thunder Alley - $5
Top Gear GT Championship - $10
Sony PSP (all CIB)
Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII - $15
Gurumin A Monstrous Adventure - $42
LocoRoco - $10
Mega Man Powered Up - $38
Parappa the Rapper - $27
Sega Genesis Collection - $17
PS1 Games (CIB unless noted)
007 Tomorrow Never Dies - $7
Action Bass - $6
Andretti Racing (GH) - $5
Ball Breakers (sealed) - $10
Bass Championship - $7
Battle Arena Toshinden (GH) - $14
Bust A-Move 4 - $17
Driver 2 (GH) - $10
Fighting Force - $20
IHRA Drag Racing - $5
Missile Command - $6
MLB 2001 - $9
MLB 2003 - $9
Nascar Heat (CIB) - $7
NBA Live 2000 - $8
NBA Shootout 98 - $9
NHL 98 - $8
NHL Faceoff 97 (GH) - $5
PlayStation Underground Jampack Fall 2001 - $9
Resident Evil 2 (DualShock Edition) - $65
Rocket Power Team Rocket Rescue - $7
Rugrats in Paris: The Movie - $12
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Tiger Woods 99 - $8
Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3 - $12
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Toy Story 2 - $22
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World Cup 98 - $12
PS2 Games (CIB unless noted)
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ATV Offroad Fury 2 - $6
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Batman Begins - $13
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Buzz the Mega Quiz - $12
Capcom Classics Collection Volume 2 - $13
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Corvette - $5
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Crazy Taxi - $10
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Dead to Rights - $6
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Golden Compass - $5
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Godfather the Game - $14
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High Heat Major League Baseball 2004 - $5
Hot Wheels Velocity - $10
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Fifa Soccer 11 - $5
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LittleBigPlanet - $9
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New Super Mario Bros - $25
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Super Smash Bros. Brawl - $20
Tony Hawk Downhill Jam - $5
Tony Hawk Shred Big Air - $5
Warioware Smooth Moves - $22
Wii Sports - $22
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Wheel of Fortune - $6
WWE Smackdown vs Raw 2009 - $7
2024.05.22 23:18 Unable_Variation_918 Eric Cartman and Taylor Swift
[At the bus stop]
Cartman: Hey guys! I need you to see this!
Kyle: It better not be your underwear this time
Stan: Yeah no one wants to see your f@@@@@@underwear!
Kenny: [Unintelligible]
Cartman: It’s not my f@@@@@@ underwear! I wrote a fanfiction dedicated to me and Taylor Swift [pulls out phone.]
Stan: You wrote a God D@@@ Taylor Swift fanfiction!
[Kyle, Stan, and Kenny stare at Eric Cartman in shock and horror. Nothing but silence]
Eric Cartman :What? Hey what? Ya gonna bully me like a creep? Okay fine! Let’s throw these hands!
Kenny [Slaps Cartman]
Eric Cartman[Cries]
Stan: Cartman what the actual f@@@?!
Eric Cartman: It’s just a cute little story!
Kyle: It sounds really motherf@@@@@@ weird Cartman!
Eric Cartman: Come on! Just read it! [Hands over phone.]
Kenny: [Starts to read it and then screams from horror]
Kenny:[Elopes away from fear into the woods. We hear a gunshot]
Stan: Oh no! You killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastard!
Eric Cartman: No! He does not understand me! No one does. Yaaaah!
[As Eric Cartman begins to throw rocks about him, the School Bus arrives, so obviously, they can’t throw rocks at each other.]
[At South Park Elementary, in Mr Garrison’s classroom. The school bell rings.]
Mr. Garrison: Good morning children. Today we will learn about Abraham Lincoln’s secret affairs with Taylor Swift.
Kyle:[Writes a note for it to pass around, when it gets to Butter’s desk, Mr. Garrison picks up the note]
Mr. Garrison: We are passing notes! I thought that trend died due to those d@@@ Ipad kids.
Mr. Garrison:[Reads it out loud. Everyone turns at Cartman and discussion erupts]
Eric Cartman: Hey! F&&& you guys! I am out of here! [Runs out of the classroom while crying. The authorities try to go after him, but he squeals like a pig when they try to grab him.]Mr Maskey: M’kay students. Continue your lesson as usual. Eric Cartman may love Taylor Swift, but we must all treat each other with respect m’kay.
[At Eric Cartman’s house. Liane Cartman is sitting on the living room chair while reading “How to transform your child into a good man.” It’s ironic right?]
Eric Cartman: [Bursts through the front door while sobbing]
Liane Cartman: Eric what’s the matter?
Eric Cartman: The whole world hates Taylor Swift! Kyle revealed my fantasies to everyone and they laughed at me! [Cries like a little b@@@@]
Liane Cartman: Oh, how can they do this to my sweet boy?
Eric Cartman:[Cries even more]
Liane Cartman: What are your fantasies about Eric?
Eric Cartman: It’s a poem about me hugging, kissing and cuddling with Taylor Swift.
Liane Cartman: Oh, that’s nice.
Eric Cartman: Well now everyone knows I love Taylor Swift and my wings grow bigger when I look at pictures of her!
Liane Cartman: Oh it’s alright sweetheart! It will be okay!Eric Cartman: But I am the only Swifty in school, and my creative writing teacher Mr. Czech criticized my Taylor Swift poems!
Liane Cartman: It’s ok. Here you can have my credit card.
Eric Cartman: Really?
[In Eric Cartman’s bedroom, he is surfing the dark web with his Tor Browser. He is browsing through Various Links and eventually stubles across an interesting one called Black Pages]
Eric Cartman: [In his classic Cartman accent]: Ah, cool
[He clicks in the link to the Black Pages which leads him to more Red and Yellow links. Most of the links look like usual illegal activity. He clicks on a random one]
Eric Cartman: That’s very kuhl!
[In this site he is browsing, it is selling various voodoo dolls of various people. Voodoo dolls of Ed Sheeran. Voodoo dolls of 5 year old girls. Voodoo dolls of Star Trek Characters. Voodoo dolls of a guy named Mr. Nightmare There is even a voodoo doll of an Austrian painter that became the chancellor of Germany.]
Eric Cartman: Good idea Kermit! I can buy one with my meim’s credit card!
[Eric Cartman finds Jackpot! He sees a Taylor Swift voodoo doll on sale for 1400]
Eric Cartman: Sounds like a deal!
[Saturday. At Eric Cartman’s house.]
Eric Cartman: [Playing World of Warcraft] God d@@@ it Butters!
Liane Cartman: Honey.
Eric Cartman: What meim?!
Liane Cartman: This guy is at the door and he says someone was buying something]
Eric Cartman: What? Is it that doll I ordered?
Liane Cartman: What the h@@@ are you talking about?
Eric Cartman: I bought a Taylor Swift voodoo doll.
Liane Cartman: You what?
Eric Cartman: Mein don’t judge me gosh darn it!
Liane Cartman: Now why would you buy something from the dark web? You know that’s illegal.
Eric Cartman: Mom, I used the Tor browser, I am safe and anonymous.
Liane Cartman: That’s bulls@@@ Cartman! Everything is traceable!
Eric Cartman: Oh shut up meim! My dad left me and a brown stain on your mattress!
Liane Cartman: Oh, okay sweetie.
Eric Cartman: [Walks downstairs to greet him]
Eric Cartman: Who the h@@@ are you?
Morgan: [Spuns around faster than a bullet. Morgan looks disgusting. He looks like a typical trailer trash meth head.]
Morgan: Are you the one that bought the doll?
Eric Cartman: Yes. Yes I did.
Morgan: It’s out in my van. [Points at sketchy looking white van] Take my hand so we can make the deal.
Eric Cartman: Well why did you not f@@@@@@ bring it over then?
Morgan: Ok fine, I confess. I have a children eating problem! [Breaks down and starts sobbing]
Eric Cartman: Ok Mr. Gaylord. Bring me the d@@@ doll!
Morgan: Yes. Yes I will
[Morgan walks to his van to get it. The doll is a bunch of knots tied together and in messy handwriting, the name Taylor Swift is written on what is supposed to be the head.]
Morgan: Here you go Eric.
Eric Cartman: Wait, how do you know my name.
Morgan: Deez nuts. Ha ha! I got yo face!
Eric Cartman: Alright, want to bring it on! Come on! Come on!
Liane Cartman: Alright crackheads! Stop fighting! [Slams door]
Eric Cartman: But meim! I wanted to fight him!
Liane Cartman: Well too bad Eric! He could have had a gun with him! Be gratefgul you got the doll you wanted!
Eric Cartman: Well by the way, I used your credit card and it was like a thousand dollars.
Liane Cartman: What?! Eric go to your room young man!
Eric Cartman: Yay thank you!
[In Eric Cartman’s bedroom]
Eric Cartman: Yes that’s a good precious! [Starts to pet it]
Meanwhile……
Jeremiah: Thank you for being in this interview. We are glad to have you here!
Taylor Swift: Let’s go b@@@@
Jeremiah: [Laughs] So, there has been lots of controversy surrounding your tour tickets and your NFL romanticism. How are you responding to this situation currently?
Taylor Swift: Well, I am very in touch about how capitalism has influenced my life. You just gotta shakes it off babe. Oh babe. OWO. UWU.
Jeremiah:[Laughs]
Taylor Swift: So with that in mind, I have not told the public that Kanye West got me pregnant.
Jeremiah: Wait! What?! Kanye West got you pregnant?!
Taylor Swift: Yes, but very recently. I don’t look very pregnant, do I.
Jeremiah: Well, you gotta understand. You have not told anyone about this until now and you are live on TV right now!
Taylor Swift: I know I know. Look. Greatness is greatness, alright.
Jeremiah: Well Kanye West made a racist tweet, which means you admitted to having s@@ with A@@@@ H@@@@@ metaphorically live in front of TV right now.
Taylor Swift: B@@@@, why are you so fussed about it…. Why are you? Ohhhh oh.
Jeremiah: What? You finally came out as rascist?
Taylor Swift: No. Uh, I feel this very weird pressure on me and now I… oh! I just felt a giant kiss right now!
Jeremiah: Mrs.F@@@meinthea@@the 3rd, you are acting very schizophrenic right now, as every genius does.
[Back at Eric Cartman’s house]
Eric Cartman: Oh baby! You are amazon! Woo! [Kisses doll on forehead]
Eric Cartman: Goodnight sexy!
[Taylor Swift's house]
Taylor Swift: Uhhhh. Ohhhhh, uuuuhhhhhh. I am tickled!
Kenny:[In Taylor Swift’s nightmare] Enjoy the c@@@ and ball torture of your pathetic life Taylor Swift.
Kyle:[In Taylor Swift’s nightmare] Oh they know your intellectual disability Taylor
Butters: [In Taylor Swift’s nightmare] I revealed my movie crush.
Stan:[In Taylor Swift’s nightmare] Oh Stan Lee, we will miss you.
Eric Cartman: Nanananananna
Taylor Swift: [Wakes up from a horrible nightmare. She uncontrollably hops out of her bed. A mysterious force suddenly takes all of her clothes off, stripping her naked.]
Taylor Swift: Ahhhhhhhhh! What the h@@@ is going on!
Taylor Swift:[Like a hen, she pecks at the floor] Ah ah ah ah ah ah!
Taylor Swift: [Uncontrolably swings herself and flies like a hawk. She breaks the window and lands into her backyard pool. She can’t seem to get out of the water. She is starting to drown]
[Back at Eric Cartman’s house, he is washing the voodoo doll in his bathroom sink. As his mom knocks on the bathroom door, Eric Cartman quickly hides it in a cabinet, thus saving Taylor Swift from dwoning]
Taylor Swift:[Gasps for air] Oh thank god!
Liane Cartman: Eric? What are you doing up so late?
Eric Cartman: uhh… nothing meim.
Liane Cartman: You seem suspicious!
Eric Cartman: It’s nothing! Respect my privacy meim![Back at Taylor Swift’s house]
[Taylor Swift runs out into the streets, yelling that Kanye West is filling the super bowl with dynamite]
Police Officer 1: Okay Taylor, I know you are a tortured artist. I will safely ecort you to the super bowl.
[Kenny’s ghost shows up in front of Taylor Swift’s voice.]
Kenny’s ghost: The world wants you!
[Taylor Swift screams and hits her head almost causing a concussion. Before she can do harm to her head, she is tranquilized by Police Officer 2]
Police Officer 1: You think it’s a good idea to pass her out?
Police Officer 2: Oh I’m sure it’s fine. If she does not wake up by dawn, the two of us will seduce her.
Police Officer 1: Sounds like a good deal.
[The next morning. Sunday. At Eric Cartman’s house. He is asleep with his Taylor Swift body pillow. The voodoo doll is placed on his computer desk. Eric Cartman suddenly gets his super bowl idea]
Eric Cartman: Hey meim.
Liane Cartman: uhh. What? It’s early in the morning.
Eric Cartman: Can I go to the Super Bowl?
Liane Cartman: No!
Eric Cartman: But meim!
Liane Cartman: It’s too expensive, and we have to drive all the way to Las Vegas!
Eric Cartman: We only live in Colorado! Let’s go meim!
Liane Cartman: No!
Eric Cartman: No?
Liane Cartman: No means no Eric!
Eric Cartman: [Puts on cute anime crying eyes. He then goes outside in his Taylor Swift my Little Pony Pajamas.]
Epic Cartman: Help! Help! I am being r@ped!
Liane Cartman: Fine we will go Eric!
Eric Cartman: [Like a wholesome 5 year old girl] Thank you meim!
[At the super bowl]
Broadcaster: And here is Taylor Swift on stage.
[Audience cheers because of a declining society.]Eric Cartman: You see this Swife? [Punches Voodoo doll]
Taylor Swift: Ow!
Travis Kelece: Hey you alright?
Taylor Swift: I felt this weird- ow! [Gets slammed into the wall]
Travis Kelece: Hey, if you’re sick you need to-
Taylor Swift: No! I am your god! I am playtime! I am a girl’s freedom! I speak to the world! I am Socrates!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Starts running away]
Travis Kelece: Hey where the h@@@ are you going!
Taylor Swift: I am being sacrificed to the gods! My sexuality is becoming changed twisted and turned!
Eric Cartman: Hey! Taylor Swift is on the field. [Twist leg of Voodoo doll]
Taylor Swift: Ow! Hey! A brocken leg! Give all of the pee pees! Give me all of it!
Eric Cartman: [Slams voodoo doll to the floor]
Taylor Swift: Ah! I am being possessed by the devil!
Eric Cartman: [Like an evil man] Ha ha ha ha! [Sucks on face of Voodoo doll]
Taylor Swift: Ahhhhh!!!! In agony!
Eric Cartman: [Bends voodoo doll]
Taylor Swift: ow! I hate my life! It’s full of suffering!
[Stan, Kyle, and Kenny now show up on the field]
Eric Cartman: What the h@@@?!
Kyle: Everyone calm down! Stay where you are! Eric Cartman should give a Taylor Swift a doll!
[Up above from the clouds, everyone hears ‘’No. Taylor Swift f@@@@@@ deserves it.]
Stan: God. Let’s make peaceful relations!
Kyle: Eric Cartman. And people of all ages. I am worried about the state of this world we are living in. Humanity may give us endless ideas for episodes but it is the Sanity and the love of our lives that is most important. Eric Cartman. The day I bullied you for liking Taylor Swift is a day that will live in infamy.
God: People! If you keep losing your thinking skills, I will send a solar storm and you will go back to dirt farm life!
Kyle: Shut up God! The point of this Cartman, and everyone else with us is that we should not bully each other for having weird hobbies. Once a culture develops alienation, weak men lead to hard times and we are leading down to weak times. So Eric Cartman, take Taylor Swifts hand and ascend each other into heaven!
[Eric Cartman grows angel wings. He flies to Kyle and kisses Kyle on the lips. Taylor Swift then kisses Kyle’s baby brother and prepares to become resurrected by god.]
God: F@@@ society! It is time to drop the nuke!
Narrator: And so , God dropped the nuke on us and WW3 began. All because of Taylor Swift! After WW3, Eric Cartman became the Chancellor of Germany and committed genocide on Taylor Swift haters. If history teaches us anything, it is that obsessions lead to very dark pathways.
submitted by Unable_Variation_918 to nhojwriting [link] [comments]
Cartman: Hey guys! I need you to see this!
Kyle: It better not be your underwear this time
Stan: Yeah no one wants to see your f@@@@@@underwear!
Kenny: [Unintelligible]
Cartman: It’s not my f@@@@@@ underwear! I wrote a fanfiction dedicated to me and Taylor Swift [pulls out phone.]
Stan: You wrote a God D@@@ Taylor Swift fanfiction!
[Kyle, Stan, and Kenny stare at Eric Cartman in shock and horror. Nothing but silence]
Eric Cartman :What? Hey what? Ya gonna bully me like a creep? Okay fine! Let’s throw these hands!
Kenny [Slaps Cartman]
Eric Cartman[Cries]
Stan: Cartman what the actual f@@@?!
Eric Cartman: It’s just a cute little story!
Kyle: It sounds really motherf@@@@@@ weird Cartman!
Eric Cartman: Come on! Just read it! [Hands over phone.]
Kenny: [Starts to read it and then screams from horror]
Kenny:[Elopes away from fear into the woods. We hear a gunshot]
Stan: Oh no! You killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastard!
Eric Cartman: No! He does not understand me! No one does. Yaaaah!
[As Eric Cartman begins to throw rocks about him, the School Bus arrives, so obviously, they can’t throw rocks at each other.]
[At South Park Elementary, in Mr Garrison’s classroom. The school bell rings.]
Mr. Garrison: Good morning children. Today we will learn about Abraham Lincoln’s secret affairs with Taylor Swift.
Kyle:[Writes a note for it to pass around, when it gets to Butter’s desk, Mr. Garrison picks up the note]
Mr. Garrison: We are passing notes! I thought that trend died due to those d@@@ Ipad kids.
Mr. Garrison:[Reads it out loud. Everyone turns at Cartman and discussion erupts]
Eric Cartman: Hey! F&&& you guys! I am out of here! [Runs out of the classroom while crying. The authorities try to go after him, but he squeals like a pig when they try to grab him.]Mr Maskey: M’kay students. Continue your lesson as usual. Eric Cartman may love Taylor Swift, but we must all treat each other with respect m’kay.
[At Eric Cartman’s house. Liane Cartman is sitting on the living room chair while reading “How to transform your child into a good man.” It’s ironic right?]
Eric Cartman: [Bursts through the front door while sobbing]
Liane Cartman: Eric what’s the matter?
Eric Cartman: The whole world hates Taylor Swift! Kyle revealed my fantasies to everyone and they laughed at me! [Cries like a little b@@@@]
Liane Cartman: Oh, how can they do this to my sweet boy?
Eric Cartman:[Cries even more]
Liane Cartman: What are your fantasies about Eric?
Eric Cartman: It’s a poem about me hugging, kissing and cuddling with Taylor Swift.
Liane Cartman: Oh, that’s nice.
Eric Cartman: Well now everyone knows I love Taylor Swift and my wings grow bigger when I look at pictures of her!
Liane Cartman: Oh it’s alright sweetheart! It will be okay!Eric Cartman: But I am the only Swifty in school, and my creative writing teacher Mr. Czech criticized my Taylor Swift poems!
Liane Cartman: It’s ok. Here you can have my credit card.
Eric Cartman: Really?
[In Eric Cartman’s bedroom, he is surfing the dark web with his Tor Browser. He is browsing through Various Links and eventually stubles across an interesting one called Black Pages]
Eric Cartman: [In his classic Cartman accent]: Ah, cool
[He clicks in the link to the Black Pages which leads him to more Red and Yellow links. Most of the links look like usual illegal activity. He clicks on a random one]
Eric Cartman: That’s very kuhl!
[In this site he is browsing, it is selling various voodoo dolls of various people. Voodoo dolls of Ed Sheeran. Voodoo dolls of 5 year old girls. Voodoo dolls of Star Trek Characters. Voodoo dolls of a guy named Mr. Nightmare There is even a voodoo doll of an Austrian painter that became the chancellor of Germany.]
Eric Cartman: Good idea Kermit! I can buy one with my meim’s credit card!
[Eric Cartman finds Jackpot! He sees a Taylor Swift voodoo doll on sale for 1400]
Eric Cartman: Sounds like a deal!
[Saturday. At Eric Cartman’s house.]
Eric Cartman: [Playing World of Warcraft] God d@@@ it Butters!
Liane Cartman: Honey.
Eric Cartman: What meim?!
Liane Cartman: This guy is at the door and he says someone was buying something]
Eric Cartman: What? Is it that doll I ordered?
Liane Cartman: What the h@@@ are you talking about?
Eric Cartman: I bought a Taylor Swift voodoo doll.
Liane Cartman: You what?
Eric Cartman: Mein don’t judge me gosh darn it!
Liane Cartman: Now why would you buy something from the dark web? You know that’s illegal.
Eric Cartman: Mom, I used the Tor browser, I am safe and anonymous.
Liane Cartman: That’s bulls@@@ Cartman! Everything is traceable!
Eric Cartman: Oh shut up meim! My dad left me and a brown stain on your mattress!
Liane Cartman: Oh, okay sweetie.
Eric Cartman: [Walks downstairs to greet him]
Eric Cartman: Who the h@@@ are you?
Morgan: [Spuns around faster than a bullet. Morgan looks disgusting. He looks like a typical trailer trash meth head.]
Morgan: Are you the one that bought the doll?
Eric Cartman: Yes. Yes I did.
Morgan: It’s out in my van. [Points at sketchy looking white van] Take my hand so we can make the deal.
Eric Cartman: Well why did you not f@@@@@@ bring it over then?
Morgan: Ok fine, I confess. I have a children eating problem! [Breaks down and starts sobbing]
Eric Cartman: Ok Mr. Gaylord. Bring me the d@@@ doll!
Morgan: Yes. Yes I will
[Morgan walks to his van to get it. The doll is a bunch of knots tied together and in messy handwriting, the name Taylor Swift is written on what is supposed to be the head.]
Morgan: Here you go Eric.
Eric Cartman: Wait, how do you know my name.
Morgan: Deez nuts. Ha ha! I got yo face!
Eric Cartman: Alright, want to bring it on! Come on! Come on!
Liane Cartman: Alright crackheads! Stop fighting! [Slams door]
Eric Cartman: But meim! I wanted to fight him!
Liane Cartman: Well too bad Eric! He could have had a gun with him! Be gratefgul you got the doll you wanted!
Eric Cartman: Well by the way, I used your credit card and it was like a thousand dollars.
Liane Cartman: What?! Eric go to your room young man!
Eric Cartman: Yay thank you!
[In Eric Cartman’s bedroom]
Eric Cartman: Yes that’s a good precious! [Starts to pet it]
Meanwhile……
Jeremiah: Thank you for being in this interview. We are glad to have you here!
Taylor Swift: Let’s go b@@@@
Jeremiah: [Laughs] So, there has been lots of controversy surrounding your tour tickets and your NFL romanticism. How are you responding to this situation currently?
Taylor Swift: Well, I am very in touch about how capitalism has influenced my life. You just gotta shakes it off babe. Oh babe. OWO. UWU.
Jeremiah:[Laughs]
Taylor Swift: So with that in mind, I have not told the public that Kanye West got me pregnant.
Jeremiah: Wait! What?! Kanye West got you pregnant?!
Taylor Swift: Yes, but very recently. I don’t look very pregnant, do I.
Jeremiah: Well, you gotta understand. You have not told anyone about this until now and you are live on TV right now!
Taylor Swift: I know I know. Look. Greatness is greatness, alright.
Jeremiah: Well Kanye West made a racist tweet, which means you admitted to having s@@ with A@@@@ H@@@@@ metaphorically live in front of TV right now.
Taylor Swift: B@@@@, why are you so fussed about it…. Why are you? Ohhhh oh.
Jeremiah: What? You finally came out as rascist?
Taylor Swift: No. Uh, I feel this very weird pressure on me and now I… oh! I just felt a giant kiss right now!
Jeremiah: Mrs.F@@@meinthea@@the 3rd, you are acting very schizophrenic right now, as every genius does.
[Back at Eric Cartman’s house]
Eric Cartman: Oh baby! You are amazon! Woo! [Kisses doll on forehead]
Eric Cartman: Goodnight sexy!
[Taylor Swift's house]
Taylor Swift: Uhhhh. Ohhhhh, uuuuhhhhhh. I am tickled!
Kenny:[In Taylor Swift’s nightmare] Enjoy the c@@@ and ball torture of your pathetic life Taylor Swift.
Kyle:[In Taylor Swift’s nightmare] Oh they know your intellectual disability Taylor
Butters: [In Taylor Swift’s nightmare] I revealed my movie crush.
Stan:[In Taylor Swift’s nightmare] Oh Stan Lee, we will miss you.
Eric Cartman: Nanananananna
Taylor Swift: [Wakes up from a horrible nightmare. She uncontrollably hops out of her bed. A mysterious force suddenly takes all of her clothes off, stripping her naked.]
Taylor Swift: Ahhhhhhhhh! What the h@@@ is going on!
Taylor Swift:[Like a hen, she pecks at the floor] Ah ah ah ah ah ah!
Taylor Swift: [Uncontrolably swings herself and flies like a hawk. She breaks the window and lands into her backyard pool. She can’t seem to get out of the water. She is starting to drown]
[Back at Eric Cartman’s house, he is washing the voodoo doll in his bathroom sink. As his mom knocks on the bathroom door, Eric Cartman quickly hides it in a cabinet, thus saving Taylor Swift from dwoning]
Taylor Swift:[Gasps for air] Oh thank god!
Liane Cartman: Eric? What are you doing up so late?
Eric Cartman: uhh… nothing meim.
Liane Cartman: You seem suspicious!
Eric Cartman: It’s nothing! Respect my privacy meim![Back at Taylor Swift’s house]
[Taylor Swift runs out into the streets, yelling that Kanye West is filling the super bowl with dynamite]
Police Officer 1: Okay Taylor, I know you are a tortured artist. I will safely ecort you to the super bowl.
[Kenny’s ghost shows up in front of Taylor Swift’s voice.]
Kenny’s ghost: The world wants you!
[Taylor Swift screams and hits her head almost causing a concussion. Before she can do harm to her head, she is tranquilized by Police Officer 2]
Police Officer 1: You think it’s a good idea to pass her out?
Police Officer 2: Oh I’m sure it’s fine. If she does not wake up by dawn, the two of us will seduce her.
Police Officer 1: Sounds like a good deal.
[The next morning. Sunday. At Eric Cartman’s house. He is asleep with his Taylor Swift body pillow. The voodoo doll is placed on his computer desk. Eric Cartman suddenly gets his super bowl idea]
Eric Cartman: Hey meim.
Liane Cartman: uhh. What? It’s early in the morning.
Eric Cartman: Can I go to the Super Bowl?
Liane Cartman: No!
Eric Cartman: But meim!
Liane Cartman: It’s too expensive, and we have to drive all the way to Las Vegas!
Eric Cartman: We only live in Colorado! Let’s go meim!
Liane Cartman: No!
Eric Cartman: No?
Liane Cartman: No means no Eric!
Eric Cartman: [Puts on cute anime crying eyes. He then goes outside in his Taylor Swift my Little Pony Pajamas.]
Epic Cartman: Help! Help! I am being r@ped!
Liane Cartman: Fine we will go Eric!
Eric Cartman: [Like a wholesome 5 year old girl] Thank you meim!
[At the super bowl]
Broadcaster: And here is Taylor Swift on stage.
[Audience cheers because of a declining society.]Eric Cartman: You see this Swife? [Punches Voodoo doll]
Taylor Swift: Ow!
Travis Kelece: Hey you alright?
Taylor Swift: I felt this weird- ow! [Gets slammed into the wall]
Travis Kelece: Hey, if you’re sick you need to-
Taylor Swift: No! I am your god! I am playtime! I am a girl’s freedom! I speak to the world! I am Socrates!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Starts running away]
Travis Kelece: Hey where the h@@@ are you going!
Taylor Swift: I am being sacrificed to the gods! My sexuality is becoming changed twisted and turned!
Eric Cartman: Hey! Taylor Swift is on the field. [Twist leg of Voodoo doll]
Taylor Swift: Ow! Hey! A brocken leg! Give all of the pee pees! Give me all of it!
Eric Cartman: [Slams voodoo doll to the floor]
Taylor Swift: Ah! I am being possessed by the devil!
Eric Cartman: [Like an evil man] Ha ha ha ha! [Sucks on face of Voodoo doll]
Taylor Swift: Ahhhhh!!!! In agony!
Eric Cartman: [Bends voodoo doll]
Taylor Swift: ow! I hate my life! It’s full of suffering!
[Stan, Kyle, and Kenny now show up on the field]
Eric Cartman: What the h@@@?!
Kyle: Everyone calm down! Stay where you are! Eric Cartman should give a Taylor Swift a doll!
[Up above from the clouds, everyone hears ‘’No. Taylor Swift f@@@@@@ deserves it.]
Stan: God. Let’s make peaceful relations!
Kyle: Eric Cartman. And people of all ages. I am worried about the state of this world we are living in. Humanity may give us endless ideas for episodes but it is the Sanity and the love of our lives that is most important. Eric Cartman. The day I bullied you for liking Taylor Swift is a day that will live in infamy.
God: People! If you keep losing your thinking skills, I will send a solar storm and you will go back to dirt farm life!
Kyle: Shut up God! The point of this Cartman, and everyone else with us is that we should not bully each other for having weird hobbies. Once a culture develops alienation, weak men lead to hard times and we are leading down to weak times. So Eric Cartman, take Taylor Swifts hand and ascend each other into heaven!
[Eric Cartman grows angel wings. He flies to Kyle and kisses Kyle on the lips. Taylor Swift then kisses Kyle’s baby brother and prepares to become resurrected by god.]
God: F@@@ society! It is time to drop the nuke!
Narrator: And so , God dropped the nuke on us and WW3 began. All because of Taylor Swift! After WW3, Eric Cartman became the Chancellor of Germany and committed genocide on Taylor Swift haters. If history teaches us anything, it is that obsessions lead to very dark pathways.
2024.05.22 23:05 Unable_Variation_918 South Park: The Downfall of Society
[No musical intro this time. This time, the intro is quite similar to the intro for the Forest Gump movie. The camera is looking across the snow. The audience knows something serious is going on. The camera pans to a blue jay. Heidi is walking alone in the snow while listening to Russian Music. Heidi spots Kyle kicking cans in the woods.]
HEIDI: [Gasps] Kyle! I haven’t seen you in so long! How have you been?
KYLE: [Says nothing and looks depressing]
HEIDI: Kyle? What’s the matter?
KYLE: Heidi, I have been going through some trauma recently. I think I need to have some time to myself.
HEIDI: Could you tell Eric?
KYLE: What? No! Well, I decided to make a chorus for 8 to 10 year olds. I have seen things I should have never seen.
HEIDI: Oh, well kids are kids. It’s not that bad!
KYLE: No, today’s generation is worse. They have an attention span shorter than a goldfish. I could not get them to do a single d@@@ thing I asked them to!
HEIDI: There, there. Calm down! You haven’t taken your anger medication. If we are going to have children, then avoid the angry father.
KYLE: Well, it can’t be avoided. The kids threw pickles at me, cursed at me and one kid even called me a f@@@@@@ n@@@@@.
HEIDI: Wait, what the h@@@? How could they do such a thing?
KYLE: Well, it’s the d@@@ IPad. It’s all because of f@@@@@@ Steve Jobs. He invented something and now society has lost their purpose and passion!
HEIDI: Oh god! You’re right! Society is doomed!
KYLE: No s@@@! It’s all f@@@@@@ Steve Jobs’s fault!
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[At Willy Chilly’s Ice Cream Parlor. Kyle and Heidi are both sharing a banana split.]
KYLE: Heidi, I need to confess to you about something, but I don’t know what to say.
HEIDI: Sure, what is it?
KYLE: Well, you seem pretty sane because you don't know what Gen-Alpha is like.
HEIDI: What is Gen-Alpha?
KYLE: Well, Gen-Alpha is the short term for generation alpha. Basically, a Gen-Alpha is a kid that is born from 2014 onwards. Now that the oldest one is 10 years old, they know how to create things on the internet and let me tell you, the things they create are not pretty.
KYLE: [Shows Heidi a video of the Skipidi Toilet.]
HEIDI: [Scream from shock and terror, like the I-Pad toddler in Wreck-It-Ralph 2.]
HEIDI: Kyle! What the h@@@ is that?
KYLE: Well, it is the shock therapy for you before I give you the facts and information.HEIDI: Okay, well you don’t have to f@@@@@@ scare me like that! What the f@@@ was that?
KYLE: The thing I have subjected you to is something called Skipidi Toilet.
HEIDI:[Visible Confusion]
KYLE: It is one of the biggest figures in Gen-Alpha culture and I am pretty sure it is inflicting a bad mental warfare on the older generations that are witnessing this.
HEIDI: Yeah, no f@@@@@@ s@@@!
KYLE: I don’t think that alone is the problem.
HEIDI: What?! Ya f@@@@@@ crazy?!
KYLE: Hey! Let me finish my statement first!
HEIDI: Oh, sorry.
KYLE: So Skipidi Toilet alone is not the problem with those children. The fact is that they have attention spans shorter than those of a goldfish. Teachers all over social media are making posts about how they can’t focus or even read! Seventh graders, I'm talking about seventh graders! They have the reading comprehension of a f@@@@@@ seven year old! If they continue to ruin themselves, humanity will go extinct by the time they are old enough to truly influence human history. [Spooky atmospheric cello music plays in the background during his monologue]
HEIDI: Oh. My. God. That is wild! I never knew about this until now!
KYLE: Yeah, it’s because you quit social media some time ago, which I am very proud of you for. Hold on, I’m getting a phone call. [Looks at phone] What the f@@@ does he want from me on a Saturday?KYLE: Hello?
ERIC: Kyle, you gotta go to my basement! It’s so f@@@@@ sick!
KYLE: Not now dude! I am hanging out with my girlfriend!
ERIC: She can see my creation!
KYLE: Well, I want time with my girlfriend, and you might have a bad influence on her!
ERIC: F@@@@@ come on man! I put IPad Kids on cocaine!
KYLE: Wait, what?
[Suspenseful tremolo music with a crescendo]
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[At Eric Cartman’s house, Kyle and Heidi walk over to Eric’s front door]
HEIDI: What?! F@@@@@ kids on crack?! That’s illegal!KYLE: Oh, that’s nothing compared to eating Scott Tenorman’s parents!
HEIDI: Wait, what?
[Before Heidi can question his comment any further, Kyle rings the doorbell to Eric Cartman’s house. Liane Cartman opens the door]
LIANE CARTMAN: Oh hi there.
KYLE: Hi, is Eric here?
LIANE CARTMAN: Yes he is in the basement cuddling with his body pillows.
HEIDI: Wait, what?
KYLE: Oh, don’t ask. Eric has a lot of fetishes.
HEIDI: Oh, ok.
[They go inside and walk to Eric’s basement.]
[In the dining hall] HEIDI: It’s a pretty nice house.
KYLE: Yeah, it’s decent. Although, I have more money than him because I am Jewish.
HEIDI: Oh.
[They walk down the basement with long creepy and creaky stairs.]
[They enter the full basement!]ERIC: Ah, Kyle! So glad you came to see my creation! Heidi, what are you doing with Kyle?
HEIDI: [Stops holding Kyle’s hand] Uh, me and Kyle are just friends.
KYLE: Cartman, why the f@@@ do you have children in your basement?!
ERIC: They’re not just normal children. They’re IPad kids on cocaine.
[Tremolo Music]
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]KYLE: You gave these kids crack?!
ERIC: Yes, indeed!
KYLE: Ah s@@@! Here we go again!
[Children are messing around everywhere while high on cocaine. Most of them are trying to jump into the basement’s bathroom toilet.]
ERIC: Hey Kyle, why were you holding Heidi’s hand?
KYLE: Why are you worrying about this?! We should be worrying about the fact that you put children high on cocaine!
ERIC: They make good soldiers for the American people.
KYLE: No the f@@@ they’re not Cartman! They’re just f@@@@@@ running around! Enough with your experiments.
ERIC: Well f@@@ you Kyle! You f@@@@@ up! You are just a worthless piece of s@@@! Besides, I think you are cheating on me!
KYLE: Cheating on me? What? No! We ain’t f@@@@@@ gay Cartman!
HEIDI: Guys, stop arguing? Let’s be civil about this! Eric, you should show us your fascination with children on crack!
ERIC: Ok, I will b@@@@.
KYLE: Woah woah okay!
LIANE CARTMAN: Kids! What’s up down there?
ERIC: Uh, nothing mom.
ERIC: Ok guys. We seriously need to be civil about this. Kyle, I have discovered that Gen-Alpha children are fascinating on the transcendental side of things. I am fascinated by the way they interact. They have the attention span of a goldfish you know.
KYLE: Yes, I know this.
ERIC: Yeah I have been listening to your conversations.
KYLE: Wait? What?!
ERIC: Yep, I just had to right?
ERIC: Where is Dereck Parfit, Captain?PARFIT: I am here
ERIC: Watch my weird children with me.
PARFIT: Ok.
ERIC: Thank you kindly.
KYLE: You know, children are pretty disrespectful to their father since they lack theory of mind. I shall show the world what I am talking about. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/iC0dEYkKm1g
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/AhqhO8n1Bss
ERIC: Ok Mr. Wildpitch cool video.
HEIDI: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHOHOHOHHOHO BRO THAT IS SO FUNNY DUDE
KYLE: Bro the f@@@ are you on, man?
ERIC: Bro we on some weird s@@@ man bro!
HEIDI: I got high on a breathilizer! Oh the sins! God punishes us and then bans us from doll cuddling [Laughs like the joker]
ERIC: Ok, we need to put her in the closet.
KYLE: Yep. I hope you don’t mean that in a gay way.
ERIC: No, I don’t.[And so, they put her in a closet]
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[A small shuttle lands. Soldiers surround the ramp as Kenny descends onto the platform. Floyd Man approaches.]
FLOYD MAN: The kids are secure sir. The children are under control.
KENNY: Good. Where is my phone?
FLOYD MAN: Right there, sir.
[Kenny goes on his phone and a hologram of Cthulhu appears]
KENNY: Yes, Lord Cthulhu.
CTHULHU: Kenny, I suggest you free the IPad Kids.
KENNY: It will be done, My Lord.
CTHULHU: Human history is coming to a close, and I promise you, I will rise.
[Cthulhu talks about the conducting of Cartman]
KENNY: But Eric is conducting the experiment.
CTHULHU: He is part of my necessary plan. Soon come the Ubermensch. A man more powerful than any of humanity.
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[The view is strangely disoriented and disorienting. Heidi is in bed with Kyle.]
HEIDI: Oh Eric! Eric! Help me! Save me from Kyle!
[Eric Cartman awakens from panic. He sees Kyle towering over and staring at him. ]
ERIC: Kyle?? What the h@@@ are you doing? Kyle, I feel awfully alone!
KYLE: I express great concern. I think she lost her mind because she simply got concerned. H.P. Lovecraft made her insane.
ERIC: What do you mean?
KYLE: Well, we are in utter disbelief that we are both dating Heidi.
ERIC: What the f@@@?! I knew it all along! Y’all were holding hands.
KYLE: Well I’m sorry I didn’t know about this d@@@ situation.
HEIDI: [Steps out of closet.] Wel, well, well. I knew it all along didn’t I.
ERIC and KYLE: No, we are both sorry we love you babe!
HEIDI: F@@@ you guys! I am outta here! By the way, I might free those kids.
[ERIC and KYLE plead her not to, but she continues to walk over to the childeren.]
[COMMERCIAL BREAK.]
HEIDI: I’m going to do it!
ERIC: Oh, please don’t f@@@@@@ do it! If you do it, utter chaos will ensue!
HEIDI: F@@@ you! You should have done it in the first place! I think you deserve to go deaf and then f@@@@@@ die!
ERIC: Fine Heidi! You and Kyle left a brown stain on my mattress one time! I knew you were cheating on me all along!
HEIDI: I swear, it’s not my fault! It’s Kyle's fault! He never told me about this godd@@@ situation!
HEIDI: I shall realease the children and you shal love it!
ERIC and KYLE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
HEIDI: [Opens the door for the Gen-Aplha chilkderen to run free. A red storm is on the horizon as the sun sets.]
[COMMERICIAL BREAK]
[At Mt. Cartmantop. In the eye of the red storm, the ground shakes and pops out like a volcano. It is revealed to be Cthulhu. He has finally awaken. It is his time.]CTHULHU: [Speaks a statement that sounds gibberish to mankind]
KENNY: Cthulhu, rise and attack!
[The CTHULHU runs from the rain and Mount Cartman top. His stomping gross and unexplainable feet makes it across the mountain and into the trees, and finally, he attacks the kids]
CTHULHU: [Uses his eyes to shoot lasers at the kids.]
ERIC: [Plays the Skipidi bum bum song with a Family Guy clip and flashing Cocomelon lights to inspire the kids to keep fighting.]
[The Gen-Alpha kids become inspired by the background noise and the flashing hypersexual red colors to fly into the eye sockets of Cthulhu.]
CTHULHU: [In pain, he makes a roar so loud that it is literally heard around the world. The armies from every nation in the world tries to take down Cthulhu, but Cthulhu keeps swinging about and defeating his enemies.]
[Immediately, there comes a mass suicide amoung the people since there is a mass hysteria from the people, Gen Alpha, and Cthulhu.]
KENNY: I shall sacrifice myself to Huminiuk, the lord of the trees. [Jumps off his mountain top]
Kyle: General Kenny killed himself!
Stan: What a bastard he is!
CTHULHU: [In human translation, he is saying “Kenny’s suicide is part of my plan. Now, I can attack!”]
[Massive screams roar across South Park, NYC, Tokyo. Cthulhu hypnotizes the mind of Taylor Swift, causing her to herself. There comes massive cries heard by Taylor Swift cult wackos.]
ERIC CARTMAN DRESSED AS BATMAN: Stop it Cthulhu! Oh stop it! Get some f@@@@@ help!CTHULHU: [Slaps ERIC with his giant hands]
[In human translation, CTHULHU is laughing]
[A nuclear bomb drops on CTHULHU. Everyone is injured, but CTHULHU survives. He gets backup by spontaniously giving birth to Squidwards and Skipidi Toilets.]
ERIC: Aw, s@@@! I knew this would f@@@@@@ happen!
[Skipidi Toilets run their rampages across the city. In this script, my worst fears have come true. Gen-Alpha culture has taken over the world.]
GOD: [Heard in the skies.] Humanity has committed the worst of sins. Everyone’s pleasures act like adultery. Humans have become too hypersexual! You have ruined yourselves! You are my worst creations! Do not commit suicide because of Taylor Swift!
[The entirety of humanity blinks all at one]
CTHULHU: [Flies towards the skies to defeat God]
[CTHULHU strikes his giant hands towards God, which ends the universe in the blink of an eye]
[Eric Cartman looks at space and says ‘’Wonderful creations are at its end right now. I shall stare at the black abyss for all eternity. I am lost in a nonexistent life. Are we in a simulation. Truth does not exist.”]
[Screen slowly fades to black as Eric Cartman starts crying.]
[Commercial Break][In a cave somewhere in a land of European potential, a Caveman wakes up from his long dream from being high on oxygen depletion.]
CAVEMAN: Uh, what was that?
ANIMAL MOTHER: You seem to have woken up from your long dream.
CAVEMAN: I know.
[And the giant Caveman walks over to his wall and starts speaking to it.]
CAVEMAN: I am happy. I am sad. I am angry. I am happy. I am sad. I am angry. I am happy. I am sad. I am angry. I am happy. I am sad. I am angry.
[The Caveman covers his hands in blood and handprints all over the cave.]
ANIMAL MOTHER: What is that? It looks adorable!
[ERIC CARTMAN suddenly appears out of nowhere!]
ERIC: Hey, where am I?!
ANIMAL MOTHER: Who are you!?
ERIC: I am Eric Cartman and I wanna get the h@@@ out of here!
CAVEMAN: What’s a h@@@?ERIC: Well the bigger question is “What is a penius?”
CAVEMAN: What is a p@@@@@
ERIC: It tells you what to think about.
[Caveman gets trandescented and stuck by the great Celibidanche beyond]
ERIC: I somehow knew that this is exactly what God says about it and you know what? It really is!
CAVEMAN: You are going too far Eric Cartman!
[Kenny suddenly shows up through a wormhole.]
[Kenny starts flying like a wasp towards Eric Cartman.]
[COMMERCIAL BREAK.]
ERIC: Oh, how do I get outta here!
KENNY: You son of a b@@@@! You caused this, didn’t you!
ERIC: Well, I was fascinated ok?! I was going through a very tough time!
[A tiny version of Cthulhu appears out of nowhere and Cthulhu makes a tiny roar.]
KENNY: [Steps on Cthulhu]
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[Kenny and Eric teleport to another dimension and they witness a universe where intellectually disabled people reign supreme to intellectualy gifted people. Intellectually disabled people have commited genocide on the intellectually gifted people]
Perchance: I should rhyme something with the letter L
ERIC: Go on and do it!
PERCHANCE: Ha ha! Angry fathers!
[And so, Eric Cartman ran and ran until he was out of breath. He had come across an ocean in a parallel universe where humanity has never existed. A chill ran up Eric’s spine. He was just floating in an ocean surrounded by fish.]
ERIC: Wha, where am i?
GOD: I have put you in trance. Of fear. In fear of change. I had your Mom murdered in San Antonio.
ERIC: What?! How can you do this? How can you put me in such a trance?
GOD: I have descended you into madness, and it is my mistake of putting you on this earth.
ERIC: What? No matter how hard I try, I end up failing your commandments. It is all society’s fault. You are dead!
GOD: That’s right, I am dead. I am an illusion. And therefore, you must retreat into the Canadian flooded forests.
ERIC: Right, it is my pleasure and duty to go beyond Christian Morals.
[Commercial Break]
[Inside Eric Cartman’s room. He wakes up from a horrible dream.]
ERIC: Oh, what was that dream? I fear sins. But I commit a sin no matter how hard I try. Hey, you know what? If a human being is like a molecule compared to the rest of the universe, then God can’t be real. I must be dreaming. The fear of sin is the opium of humanitarian crisises.
[Commercial Break.]
ERIC: [Sees a garbage pail kid]
ERIC: Oh my, what a pity to see this.
ERIC: Oh my, I am a sufferer of the insufferable.
GARBAGE PAIL KID: Messa called Jar Jar Binks
ERIC: AY Yo what the actual f@@@@
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
ERIC: [He is back at his house in a shower and having shower thoughts.]ERIC: You know what, I wonder what would happen if World War 2 happened on the Moon. Oh yeah! This script writer is definitely running out of ideas this time.
[HOW KENNY HAD HIS PLAN]
[3 years ago. Mariana Trench]
[Kenny descends his submarine into the underworld]
KENNY: Cthulhu, my lord.
CTHULHU: I feel a great disturbance in the world’s future generations.
KENNY: I have felt it as well, my lord.
CTHULHU: It is the time to start invading.
KENNY: Yes, when the time finally comes, we will end humanity once and for after waiting for 200,000 years on this planet.
CTHULHU: Humanity has lost their innocence when they have finally reached their technological advancements to the max. I indeed have felt it.
KENNY: How can this system be?
CTHULHU: It is the cause of technology increasing mental medicine and therapy.
KENNY: We shall invade when the time comes.
[ERIC CARTMAN THE BABYSITTER]
ERIC: [Wakes up from dream] Wa-. Oh. It was just a dream. Such a massive dream.
THE KIDS: [Knock on door.]
ERIC: What the f@@@ now?!
ERIC: [Opens door]
ERIC: [In an angry manner.] Hello?
THE KIDS: AOUB.
ERIC: Okay.
ERIC: [Shuts door]
ERIC: What the f@@@ was that about?
[They knock on the door again]
ERIC: Get lost.
THE KIDS: I just wanna edge.
ERIC: OH MY GYATT! GYATT GABSTY HAT DAS RIZZLER
EVIL DICTATOR: Das ist so skipidi!
SATAN: SOCIETY GYATT DAT RIZZLER.
THEY NOT KNOW HOW SPELL.
IF MY ALIENS CAN HEAR US, this is a warning to them.
Technological advancements create decadence in us.
We must all revert back to ape. Reject modernity. Embrace tradition.
submitted by Unable_Variation_918 to nhojwriting [link] [comments]
HEIDI: [Gasps] Kyle! I haven’t seen you in so long! How have you been?
KYLE: [Says nothing and looks depressing]
HEIDI: Kyle? What’s the matter?
KYLE: Heidi, I have been going through some trauma recently. I think I need to have some time to myself.
HEIDI: Could you tell Eric?
KYLE: What? No! Well, I decided to make a chorus for 8 to 10 year olds. I have seen things I should have never seen.
HEIDI: Oh, well kids are kids. It’s not that bad!
KYLE: No, today’s generation is worse. They have an attention span shorter than a goldfish. I could not get them to do a single d@@@ thing I asked them to!
HEIDI: There, there. Calm down! You haven’t taken your anger medication. If we are going to have children, then avoid the angry father.
KYLE: Well, it can’t be avoided. The kids threw pickles at me, cursed at me and one kid even called me a f@@@@@@ n@@@@@.
HEIDI: Wait, what the h@@@? How could they do such a thing?
KYLE: Well, it’s the d@@@ IPad. It’s all because of f@@@@@@ Steve Jobs. He invented something and now society has lost their purpose and passion!
HEIDI: Oh god! You’re right! Society is doomed!
KYLE: No s@@@! It’s all f@@@@@@ Steve Jobs’s fault!
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[At Willy Chilly’s Ice Cream Parlor. Kyle and Heidi are both sharing a banana split.]
KYLE: Heidi, I need to confess to you about something, but I don’t know what to say.
HEIDI: Sure, what is it?
KYLE: Well, you seem pretty sane because you don't know what Gen-Alpha is like.
HEIDI: What is Gen-Alpha?
KYLE: Well, Gen-Alpha is the short term for generation alpha. Basically, a Gen-Alpha is a kid that is born from 2014 onwards. Now that the oldest one is 10 years old, they know how to create things on the internet and let me tell you, the things they create are not pretty.
KYLE: [Shows Heidi a video of the Skipidi Toilet.]
HEIDI: [Scream from shock and terror, like the I-Pad toddler in Wreck-It-Ralph 2.]
HEIDI: Kyle! What the h@@@ is that?
KYLE: Well, it is the shock therapy for you before I give you the facts and information.HEIDI: Okay, well you don’t have to f@@@@@@ scare me like that! What the f@@@ was that?
KYLE: The thing I have subjected you to is something called Skipidi Toilet.
HEIDI:[Visible Confusion]
KYLE: It is one of the biggest figures in Gen-Alpha culture and I am pretty sure it is inflicting a bad mental warfare on the older generations that are witnessing this.
HEIDI: Yeah, no f@@@@@@ s@@@!
KYLE: I don’t think that alone is the problem.
HEIDI: What?! Ya f@@@@@@ crazy?!
KYLE: Hey! Let me finish my statement first!
HEIDI: Oh, sorry.
KYLE: So Skipidi Toilet alone is not the problem with those children. The fact is that they have attention spans shorter than those of a goldfish. Teachers all over social media are making posts about how they can’t focus or even read! Seventh graders, I'm talking about seventh graders! They have the reading comprehension of a f@@@@@@ seven year old! If they continue to ruin themselves, humanity will go extinct by the time they are old enough to truly influence human history. [Spooky atmospheric cello music plays in the background during his monologue]
HEIDI: Oh. My. God. That is wild! I never knew about this until now!
KYLE: Yeah, it’s because you quit social media some time ago, which I am very proud of you for. Hold on, I’m getting a phone call. [Looks at phone] What the f@@@ does he want from me on a Saturday?KYLE: Hello?
ERIC: Kyle, you gotta go to my basement! It’s so f@@@@@ sick!
KYLE: Not now dude! I am hanging out with my girlfriend!
ERIC: She can see my creation!
KYLE: Well, I want time with my girlfriend, and you might have a bad influence on her!
ERIC: F@@@@@ come on man! I put IPad Kids on cocaine!
KYLE: Wait, what?
[Suspenseful tremolo music with a crescendo]
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[At Eric Cartman’s house, Kyle and Heidi walk over to Eric’s front door]
HEIDI: What?! F@@@@@ kids on crack?! That’s illegal!KYLE: Oh, that’s nothing compared to eating Scott Tenorman’s parents!
HEIDI: Wait, what?
[Before Heidi can question his comment any further, Kyle rings the doorbell to Eric Cartman’s house. Liane Cartman opens the door]
LIANE CARTMAN: Oh hi there.
KYLE: Hi, is Eric here?
LIANE CARTMAN: Yes he is in the basement cuddling with his body pillows.
HEIDI: Wait, what?
KYLE: Oh, don’t ask. Eric has a lot of fetishes.
HEIDI: Oh, ok.
[They go inside and walk to Eric’s basement.]
[In the dining hall] HEIDI: It’s a pretty nice house.
KYLE: Yeah, it’s decent. Although, I have more money than him because I am Jewish.
HEIDI: Oh.
[They walk down the basement with long creepy and creaky stairs.]
[They enter the full basement!]ERIC: Ah, Kyle! So glad you came to see my creation! Heidi, what are you doing with Kyle?
HEIDI: [Stops holding Kyle’s hand] Uh, me and Kyle are just friends.
KYLE: Cartman, why the f@@@ do you have children in your basement?!
ERIC: They’re not just normal children. They’re IPad kids on cocaine.
[Tremolo Music]
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]KYLE: You gave these kids crack?!
ERIC: Yes, indeed!
KYLE: Ah s@@@! Here we go again!
[Children are messing around everywhere while high on cocaine. Most of them are trying to jump into the basement’s bathroom toilet.]
ERIC: Hey Kyle, why were you holding Heidi’s hand?
KYLE: Why are you worrying about this?! We should be worrying about the fact that you put children high on cocaine!
ERIC: They make good soldiers for the American people.
KYLE: No the f@@@ they’re not Cartman! They’re just f@@@@@@ running around! Enough with your experiments.
ERIC: Well f@@@ you Kyle! You f@@@@@ up! You are just a worthless piece of s@@@! Besides, I think you are cheating on me!
KYLE: Cheating on me? What? No! We ain’t f@@@@@@ gay Cartman!
HEIDI: Guys, stop arguing? Let’s be civil about this! Eric, you should show us your fascination with children on crack!
ERIC: Ok, I will b@@@@.
KYLE: Woah woah okay!
LIANE CARTMAN: Kids! What’s up down there?
ERIC: Uh, nothing mom.
ERIC: Ok guys. We seriously need to be civil about this. Kyle, I have discovered that Gen-Alpha children are fascinating on the transcendental side of things. I am fascinated by the way they interact. They have the attention span of a goldfish you know.
KYLE: Yes, I know this.
ERIC: Yeah I have been listening to your conversations.
KYLE: Wait? What?!
ERIC: Yep, I just had to right?
ERIC: Where is Dereck Parfit, Captain?PARFIT: I am here
ERIC: Watch my weird children with me.
PARFIT: Ok.
ERIC: Thank you kindly.
KYLE: You know, children are pretty disrespectful to their father since they lack theory of mind. I shall show the world what I am talking about. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/iC0dEYkKm1g
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/AhqhO8n1Bss
ERIC: Ok Mr. Wildpitch cool video.
HEIDI: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHOHOHOHHOHO BRO THAT IS SO FUNNY DUDE
KYLE: Bro the f@@@ are you on, man?
ERIC: Bro we on some weird s@@@ man bro!
HEIDI: I got high on a breathilizer! Oh the sins! God punishes us and then bans us from doll cuddling [Laughs like the joker]
ERIC: Ok, we need to put her in the closet.
KYLE: Yep. I hope you don’t mean that in a gay way.
ERIC: No, I don’t.[And so, they put her in a closet]
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[A small shuttle lands. Soldiers surround the ramp as Kenny descends onto the platform. Floyd Man approaches.]
FLOYD MAN: The kids are secure sir. The children are under control.
KENNY: Good. Where is my phone?
FLOYD MAN: Right there, sir.
[Kenny goes on his phone and a hologram of Cthulhu appears]
KENNY: Yes, Lord Cthulhu.
CTHULHU: Kenny, I suggest you free the IPad Kids.
KENNY: It will be done, My Lord.
CTHULHU: Human history is coming to a close, and I promise you, I will rise.
[Cthulhu talks about the conducting of Cartman]
KENNY: But Eric is conducting the experiment.
CTHULHU: He is part of my necessary plan. Soon come the Ubermensch. A man more powerful than any of humanity.
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[The view is strangely disoriented and disorienting. Heidi is in bed with Kyle.]
HEIDI: Oh Eric! Eric! Help me! Save me from Kyle!
[Eric Cartman awakens from panic. He sees Kyle towering over and staring at him. ]
ERIC: Kyle?? What the h@@@ are you doing? Kyle, I feel awfully alone!
KYLE: I express great concern. I think she lost her mind because she simply got concerned. H.P. Lovecraft made her insane.
ERIC: What do you mean?
KYLE: Well, we are in utter disbelief that we are both dating Heidi.
ERIC: What the f@@@?! I knew it all along! Y’all were holding hands.
KYLE: Well I’m sorry I didn’t know about this d@@@ situation.
HEIDI: [Steps out of closet.] Wel, well, well. I knew it all along didn’t I.
ERIC and KYLE: No, we are both sorry we love you babe!
HEIDI: F@@@ you guys! I am outta here! By the way, I might free those kids.
[ERIC and KYLE plead her not to, but she continues to walk over to the childeren.]
[COMMERCIAL BREAK.]
HEIDI: I’m going to do it!
ERIC: Oh, please don’t f@@@@@@ do it! If you do it, utter chaos will ensue!
HEIDI: F@@@ you! You should have done it in the first place! I think you deserve to go deaf and then f@@@@@@ die!
ERIC: Fine Heidi! You and Kyle left a brown stain on my mattress one time! I knew you were cheating on me all along!
HEIDI: I swear, it’s not my fault! It’s Kyle's fault! He never told me about this godd@@@ situation!
HEIDI: I shall realease the children and you shal love it!
ERIC and KYLE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
HEIDI: [Opens the door for the Gen-Aplha chilkderen to run free. A red storm is on the horizon as the sun sets.]
[COMMERICIAL BREAK]
[At Mt. Cartmantop. In the eye of the red storm, the ground shakes and pops out like a volcano. It is revealed to be Cthulhu. He has finally awaken. It is his time.]CTHULHU: [Speaks a statement that sounds gibberish to mankind]
KENNY: Cthulhu, rise and attack!
[The CTHULHU runs from the rain and Mount Cartman top. His stomping gross and unexplainable feet makes it across the mountain and into the trees, and finally, he attacks the kids]
CTHULHU: [Uses his eyes to shoot lasers at the kids.]
ERIC: [Plays the Skipidi bum bum song with a Family Guy clip and flashing Cocomelon lights to inspire the kids to keep fighting.]
[The Gen-Alpha kids become inspired by the background noise and the flashing hypersexual red colors to fly into the eye sockets of Cthulhu.]
CTHULHU: [In pain, he makes a roar so loud that it is literally heard around the world. The armies from every nation in the world tries to take down Cthulhu, but Cthulhu keeps swinging about and defeating his enemies.]
[Immediately, there comes a mass suicide amoung the people since there is a mass hysteria from the people, Gen Alpha, and Cthulhu.]
KENNY: I shall sacrifice myself to Huminiuk, the lord of the trees. [Jumps off his mountain top]
Kyle: General Kenny killed himself!
Stan: What a bastard he is!
CTHULHU: [In human translation, he is saying “Kenny’s suicide is part of my plan. Now, I can attack!”]
[Massive screams roar across South Park, NYC, Tokyo. Cthulhu hypnotizes the mind of Taylor Swift, causing her to herself. There comes massive cries heard by Taylor Swift cult wackos.]
ERIC CARTMAN DRESSED AS BATMAN: Stop it Cthulhu! Oh stop it! Get some f@@@@@ help!CTHULHU: [Slaps ERIC with his giant hands]
[In human translation, CTHULHU is laughing]
[A nuclear bomb drops on CTHULHU. Everyone is injured, but CTHULHU survives. He gets backup by spontaniously giving birth to Squidwards and Skipidi Toilets.]
ERIC: Aw, s@@@! I knew this would f@@@@@@ happen!
[Skipidi Toilets run their rampages across the city. In this script, my worst fears have come true. Gen-Alpha culture has taken over the world.]
GOD: [Heard in the skies.] Humanity has committed the worst of sins. Everyone’s pleasures act like adultery. Humans have become too hypersexual! You have ruined yourselves! You are my worst creations! Do not commit suicide because of Taylor Swift!
[The entirety of humanity blinks all at one]
CTHULHU: [Flies towards the skies to defeat God]
[CTHULHU strikes his giant hands towards God, which ends the universe in the blink of an eye]
[Eric Cartman looks at space and says ‘’Wonderful creations are at its end right now. I shall stare at the black abyss for all eternity. I am lost in a nonexistent life. Are we in a simulation. Truth does not exist.”]
[Screen slowly fades to black as Eric Cartman starts crying.]
[Commercial Break][In a cave somewhere in a land of European potential, a Caveman wakes up from his long dream from being high on oxygen depletion.]
CAVEMAN: Uh, what was that?
ANIMAL MOTHER: You seem to have woken up from your long dream.
CAVEMAN: I know.
[And the giant Caveman walks over to his wall and starts speaking to it.]
CAVEMAN: I am happy. I am sad. I am angry. I am happy. I am sad. I am angry. I am happy. I am sad. I am angry. I am happy. I am sad. I am angry.
[The Caveman covers his hands in blood and handprints all over the cave.]
ANIMAL MOTHER: What is that? It looks adorable!
[ERIC CARTMAN suddenly appears out of nowhere!]
ERIC: Hey, where am I?!
ANIMAL MOTHER: Who are you!?
ERIC: I am Eric Cartman and I wanna get the h@@@ out of here!
CAVEMAN: What’s a h@@@?ERIC: Well the bigger question is “What is a penius?”
CAVEMAN: What is a p@@@@@
ERIC: It tells you what to think about.
[Caveman gets trandescented and stuck by the great Celibidanche beyond]
ERIC: I somehow knew that this is exactly what God says about it and you know what? It really is!
CAVEMAN: You are going too far Eric Cartman!
[Kenny suddenly shows up through a wormhole.]
[Kenny starts flying like a wasp towards Eric Cartman.]
[COMMERCIAL BREAK.]
ERIC: Oh, how do I get outta here!
KENNY: You son of a b@@@@! You caused this, didn’t you!
ERIC: Well, I was fascinated ok?! I was going through a very tough time!
[A tiny version of Cthulhu appears out of nowhere and Cthulhu makes a tiny roar.]
KENNY: [Steps on Cthulhu]
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[Kenny and Eric teleport to another dimension and they witness a universe where intellectually disabled people reign supreme to intellectualy gifted people. Intellectually disabled people have commited genocide on the intellectually gifted people]
Perchance: I should rhyme something with the letter L
ERIC: Go on and do it!
PERCHANCE: Ha ha! Angry fathers!
[And so, Eric Cartman ran and ran until he was out of breath. He had come across an ocean in a parallel universe where humanity has never existed. A chill ran up Eric’s spine. He was just floating in an ocean surrounded by fish.]
ERIC: Wha, where am i?
GOD: I have put you in trance. Of fear. In fear of change. I had your Mom murdered in San Antonio.
ERIC: What?! How can you do this? How can you put me in such a trance?
GOD: I have descended you into madness, and it is my mistake of putting you on this earth.
ERIC: What? No matter how hard I try, I end up failing your commandments. It is all society’s fault. You are dead!
GOD: That’s right, I am dead. I am an illusion. And therefore, you must retreat into the Canadian flooded forests.
ERIC: Right, it is my pleasure and duty to go beyond Christian Morals.
[Commercial Break]
[Inside Eric Cartman’s room. He wakes up from a horrible dream.]
ERIC: Oh, what was that dream? I fear sins. But I commit a sin no matter how hard I try. Hey, you know what? If a human being is like a molecule compared to the rest of the universe, then God can’t be real. I must be dreaming. The fear of sin is the opium of humanitarian crisises.
[Commercial Break.]
ERIC: [Sees a garbage pail kid]
ERIC: Oh my, what a pity to see this.
ERIC: Oh my, I am a sufferer of the insufferable.
GARBAGE PAIL KID: Messa called Jar Jar Binks
ERIC: AY Yo what the actual f@@@@
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
ERIC: [He is back at his house in a shower and having shower thoughts.]ERIC: You know what, I wonder what would happen if World War 2 happened on the Moon. Oh yeah! This script writer is definitely running out of ideas this time.
[HOW KENNY HAD HIS PLAN]
[3 years ago. Mariana Trench]
[Kenny descends his submarine into the underworld]
KENNY: Cthulhu, my lord.
CTHULHU: I feel a great disturbance in the world’s future generations.
KENNY: I have felt it as well, my lord.
CTHULHU: It is the time to start invading.
KENNY: Yes, when the time finally comes, we will end humanity once and for after waiting for 200,000 years on this planet.
CTHULHU: Humanity has lost their innocence when they have finally reached their technological advancements to the max. I indeed have felt it.
KENNY: How can this system be?
CTHULHU: It is the cause of technology increasing mental medicine and therapy.
KENNY: We shall invade when the time comes.
[ERIC CARTMAN THE BABYSITTER]
ERIC: [Wakes up from dream] Wa-. Oh. It was just a dream. Such a massive dream.
THE KIDS: [Knock on door.]
ERIC: What the f@@@ now?!
ERIC: [Opens door]
ERIC: [In an angry manner.] Hello?
THE KIDS: AOUB.
ERIC: Okay.
ERIC: [Shuts door]
ERIC: What the f@@@ was that about?
[They knock on the door again]
ERIC: Get lost.
THE KIDS: I just wanna edge.
ERIC: OH MY GYATT! GYATT GABSTY HAT DAS RIZZLER
EVIL DICTATOR: Das ist so skipidi!
SATAN: SOCIETY GYATT DAT RIZZLER.
THEY NOT KNOW HOW SPELL.
IF MY ALIENS CAN HEAR US, this is a warning to them.
Technological advancements create decadence in us.
We must all revert back to ape. Reject modernity. Embrace tradition.
2024.05.22 21:00 DemolitionMatter According to some surveys, it's not most women who pick the bear instead of the man, but a vocal minority.
So after seeing a lot of man vs bear trends on tiktok, many people assume all women would rather be stuck with a bear. That's false, and I have proof that it's false.
YouGov conducted two surveys on this in both the UK and US. They asked "Would you rather be stuck in a forest with a man you don’t know, or a bear?". Remember this is talking specifically about being in a forest with a man they don't know (in a forest of all places), not just any man. Even under these kinds of circumstances, in the American survey, just 32% of women picked the bear, compared to 21% of men, 29% of women and 20% of men said they're unsure, and 39% of women and 59% of men said the man. Republicans were far more likely to pick the man and less likely to say they're unsure or pick the bear, but it doesn't distinguish between Republican men and Republican women. Younger adults were more likely to pick the bear (32% of 18 to 29 year olds) whereas older people were more likely to say they're unsure. Picking the man was equally common across all age groups (half of each age group picked the man). It could be young women were more likely to pick the bear, but probably not most young women.
In the British survey, it showed more details. Only 31% of women picked the bear, whereas 42% picked the man, and 27% said they are unsure. 67% of men picked the man, 15% picked the bear, and 18% said unsure. Remember, they're asking about being stuck in a forest of all places with a man they don't know and a bear, not just any man anywhere. Admittedly, 53% of 18 to 29 year old women picked the bear, but this is a bare majority. 31% of the young women picked the man, and 16% picked unsure. On the other hand, 37% of women in their 30s, 31% of women in their 40s, 24% of women in their 50s and just 20% of women in their 60s picked the bear. In fact, approximately half of the women in their 30s to 50s picked the man and the remainder said unsure. 41% of women in their 60s picked the man and 40% of women in their 60s said unsure. British men usually said man. Men in their 50s usually picked man but were the most likely of men to pick bear (20%).
Remember, if they asked them about being with a bear compared to just any man (not just a male stranger in a forest of all places), the percent of women who pick bear would probably decline.
Some surveys on polls showed that more women than you think pick the man. In this one, slightly more than half of women picked the man (but they asked specifically about being alone in a deserted woodland area). In this one, 56.36% of women picked man when asked about being trapped in the woods. In this one, 56.67% picked man (also about being alone in the woods and running into a man or bear). As a result, the surveys show similar results, women are more likely to pick man, but the questions don't have an unsure answer and they specifically ask about being alone in the woods and running into a man or a bear, not whether they feel safer with men in general or bears. Either way, it's not most women who pick the bear under those particular circumstances. A lot are either unsure or often even pick the man. Women in those TikTok street interviews probably just were kidding and wanted TikTok attention or they just had a social desirability bias.
Women don't always think the way feminists do about this. It's just a vocal minority online, and many women might pretend to say bear out loud to avoid offending feminists because feminists will expect everyone to agree with them. Vocal minorities have a lot of power when they force everyone to agree with them and condemn them if they don't. This is called the spiral of silence, which is why people who pick man aren't nearly as vocal (other than the anti-feminists who feminists pay selective attention to and then assume everyone is against them).
Keep this in mind: women who pick the bear probably were just taught to think by feminists that men are more likely to hurt them, and that they're far more likely to be victims of crime or that most male criminals harm women. Statistically, men are far more likely to victimized by male criminals, and most street crime victims are men, and many street criminals actually spared women and only targeted men. Furthermore, men were actually more likely to fear being victims of crime than women. Women just admit it more. This could explain why men don’t pick the bear as often when choosing between men and bears. The thing is, women thinking they're safer around bears could be a socialized feeling due to what feminists teach them rather than a feeling based on reality. This also explains the age demographic watching TikTok or exposes to online feminism disproportionately selects the bear. I provide evidence for all of this (including men fearing crime more than women) in my thread here. Additionally, women comprise a large minority of criminals. They're just severely underreported, and female criminals usually victimize women whereas males ones usually harm men.
So, feminists, more women than you think don't pick the bear, and if we're talking bears vs men in general rather than a male stranger in the woods, even less women would pick the bear. Women who pick the bear were either kidding or just pandering to what feminists want them to say. It's a vocal minority.
submitted by DemolitionMatter to MensRights [link] [comments]
YouGov conducted two surveys on this in both the UK and US. They asked "Would you rather be stuck in a forest with a man you don’t know, or a bear?". Remember this is talking specifically about being in a forest with a man they don't know (in a forest of all places), not just any man. Even under these kinds of circumstances, in the American survey, just 32% of women picked the bear, compared to 21% of men, 29% of women and 20% of men said they're unsure, and 39% of women and 59% of men said the man. Republicans were far more likely to pick the man and less likely to say they're unsure or pick the bear, but it doesn't distinguish between Republican men and Republican women. Younger adults were more likely to pick the bear (32% of 18 to 29 year olds) whereas older people were more likely to say they're unsure. Picking the man was equally common across all age groups (half of each age group picked the man). It could be young women were more likely to pick the bear, but probably not most young women.
In the British survey, it showed more details. Only 31% of women picked the bear, whereas 42% picked the man, and 27% said they are unsure. 67% of men picked the man, 15% picked the bear, and 18% said unsure. Remember, they're asking about being stuck in a forest of all places with a man they don't know and a bear, not just any man anywhere. Admittedly, 53% of 18 to 29 year old women picked the bear, but this is a bare majority. 31% of the young women picked the man, and 16% picked unsure. On the other hand, 37% of women in their 30s, 31% of women in their 40s, 24% of women in their 50s and just 20% of women in their 60s picked the bear. In fact, approximately half of the women in their 30s to 50s picked the man and the remainder said unsure. 41% of women in their 60s picked the man and 40% of women in their 60s said unsure. British men usually said man. Men in their 50s usually picked man but were the most likely of men to pick bear (20%).
Remember, if they asked them about being with a bear compared to just any man (not just a male stranger in a forest of all places), the percent of women who pick bear would probably decline.
Some surveys on polls showed that more women than you think pick the man. In this one, slightly more than half of women picked the man (but they asked specifically about being alone in a deserted woodland area). In this one, 56.36% of women picked man when asked about being trapped in the woods. In this one, 56.67% picked man (also about being alone in the woods and running into a man or bear). As a result, the surveys show similar results, women are more likely to pick man, but the questions don't have an unsure answer and they specifically ask about being alone in the woods and running into a man or a bear, not whether they feel safer with men in general or bears. Either way, it's not most women who pick the bear under those particular circumstances. A lot are either unsure or often even pick the man. Women in those TikTok street interviews probably just were kidding and wanted TikTok attention or they just had a social desirability bias.
Women don't always think the way feminists do about this. It's just a vocal minority online, and many women might pretend to say bear out loud to avoid offending feminists because feminists will expect everyone to agree with them. Vocal minorities have a lot of power when they force everyone to agree with them and condemn them if they don't. This is called the spiral of silence, which is why people who pick man aren't nearly as vocal (other than the anti-feminists who feminists pay selective attention to and then assume everyone is against them).
Keep this in mind: women who pick the bear probably were just taught to think by feminists that men are more likely to hurt them, and that they're far more likely to be victims of crime or that most male criminals harm women. Statistically, men are far more likely to victimized by male criminals, and most street crime victims are men, and many street criminals actually spared women and only targeted men. Furthermore, men were actually more likely to fear being victims of crime than women. Women just admit it more. This could explain why men don’t pick the bear as often when choosing between men and bears. The thing is, women thinking they're safer around bears could be a socialized feeling due to what feminists teach them rather than a feeling based on reality. This also explains the age demographic watching TikTok or exposes to online feminism disproportionately selects the bear. I provide evidence for all of this (including men fearing crime more than women) in my thread here. Additionally, women comprise a large minority of criminals. They're just severely underreported, and female criminals usually victimize women whereas males ones usually harm men.
So, feminists, more women than you think don't pick the bear, and if we're talking bears vs men in general rather than a male stranger in the woods, even less women would pick the bear. Women who pick the bear were either kidding or just pandering to what feminists want them to say. It's a vocal minority.
2024.05.22 19:03 SunHeadPrime "We all have to run the race."
The stress of the last six months has nearly killed me. Besides the general cratering of the outside world—political strife, climate change, inflated rents, corporate greed, and the baffling resurgence of crew socks—my internal life was falling apart, too. I'm at the point where I can't see a way out of the darkness, and that feeling has only grown in the last few days.
My struggles ramped up exponentially in the last two weeks. It started when my long-term girlfriend and I called it quits after five years. There was no definitive relationship-altering fight or infidelity. It was simply the boring banality of the "roommate-ification" of our lives together. We both felt the shift but never talked about it. Turns out communication is important.
Truthfully, we'd stayed together for so long because we couldn't afford to live apart. Our rent had nearly doubled the last time we re-upped our lease but even that was a bargain compared to what was out there currently. We were trapped by our need to have a roof over our heads.
My job had stagnated, and I couldn't find anything better. I was stuck. Like me, she'd been job hunting as well. Unlike me, she had a master's, and her prospects should've been higher. They weren't. For five months, she applied to hundreds of jobs and couldn't break through. If she got a rejection email, it was a win. Most of the time, the companies never responded.
Finally, she found a great opportunity at a Fortune 500 company. It was an involved process. She nailed the five interviews, and her "test project" was well received. She was offered the position, and it came with a massive pay increase—double her current salary. I was proud of her—she needed a win. We celebrated with pizza and beer that night.
Two days later, she dropped the bomb that she was breaking things off. The relationship ending wasn't a surprise. The timing was. The discussion was brief, and there was zero chance of reconciliation. She declined when I asked if she could stay until the lease ended. Mentally, it would've been too much for her. Two days after that, she moved out, taking half the rent with her. I was stuck in a lease I couldn't afford on my salary for the next six months.
My free time evaporated as I took on two extra gigs to help make ends meet. In addition to my office nine to five, I drove for a delivery app on the weekends and took a part-time night job stocking shelves at a local grocery store. When I wasn't hustling for housing, I slept or ate. I did nothing beyond that. Nothing brings me joy. There is no spark.
This drudgery has become my daily routine, and it's killing me.
To help cover some cost gaps, I've started selling off some of my stuff online. It was just me here, and I decided that the Spartan lifestyle would have to work for now. Anything I could fetch a decent amount for went up for sale. My apartment is so empty now every noise causes an echo.
Before my shift at the grocery store, I agreed to meet someone who wanted to take a look at my kitchen table. It was a lovely table – my ex had obsessed over it – but I didn't see a need at the moment. Now that I was a bachelor, my TV trays became my default kitchen tables anyway. I wasn't planning on any dinner parties in the future anyway.
A couple showed up later than they said they would. It was a bored-looking guy and a fastidious young woman. She made friendly small talk as she looked over the table. Her boyfriend (I think) stayed quiet and played bodyguard. I gave him a friendly nod at one point, and he just looked away. She said they'd take it without trying to talk me down. I took the small win.
She asked if I could help carry it down to their truck. I was running late, but feeling helpful, even for a fleeting few seconds, was worth it. Her silent boyfriend and I hauled the table through the hallway and even managed to avoid hitting the walls the entire way down.
I placed it in their truck, got my money, and turned to leave. The girl said thanks, and the boyfriend finally returned the nod. I gave a weird half-wave to them both and started to walk away when I heard the passenger window being rolled down.
"Hey man," the boyfriend said, his voice higher pitched than I thought it would. "What was up with your brother giving us the evil eye in the lobby when we got here?"
I turned around, "Huh? I don't have a brother."
"A cousin then?"
"My family lives about a thousand miles away. What happened in the lobby?"
"A dude that looked just like you was hiding in a dark hallway in the lobby and staring at my girl's ass."
"Jacob, really," she said.
"I'm sorry that happened, but I had nothing to do with it. We do have the occasional homeless guy meander in. Maybe you saw one of them," I said. "Did he say or do anything bad?"
"Jacob, I asked you to not say something," the girl said, burying her head in her hands.
Jacob's frosty attitude to me made sense now. "He said something about running up that ass. I dunno, he was mumbling. I told him I'd beat his ass if he didn't stop staring. Seemed to shut him up."
"Oh. Well, congrats," I said. "I'll tell the manager. Thanks for letting me know."
"You should do a better job keeping jokers like that out of the building."
"Jacob, he's not a security guard."
"He should still be a man and protect his home."
"Have a good night," I said, ending the conversation and heading back up to my apartment. I had about five minutes to change and head out before I'd be late. Last thing my ego needed was to be fired from my backup job.
Thankfully, I was able to slip into work and not get spotted by my boss. That was the last of the good news, though. We had a massive weekly order come in, which meant I'd be there late, plus someone had called out. Worse, our hand truck had a flat tire, and I spent the next few hours torturing my muscles, schlepping heavy boxes around the store. I soldiered on, counting down the minutes until I left and fantasizing about going to bed for the night.
If wishing for sleep wasn't a sad statement to my mental well-being, nothing was.
I came home after my shift at the grocery store and plopped down on the couch. I had contemplated selling it, but it was an older Ikea number, and I didn't think the value would replace my desire to sit. I could feel my body sink into the cushions, and the day's tension seep out. I was beat and tired to the point that turning on the TV was a chore.
I picked up my phone and thought I'd doomscroll until sleep overtook me. I didn't expect it to be a long scroll, as even the methadone that is my phone has failed me lately. As I lowered myself from a slumped position to a supine one, I heard footsteps outside my apartment door. This was not unusual, but the noise I heard sounded like kid footsteps. That was unusual, as nobody on our floor had kids, and it was almost midnight.
Despite my body screaming at me to not move, my brain suggested I check it out. I rolled myself off the couch and eventually stood up. I listened again and heard the kid running down the hallway. I walked over to my door and looked out the peephole. I didn't see anyone.
"Maybe I'm dreaming," I said to myself. "Maybe I'm not staring out a peephole, expecting to see a kid running down the hall at midnight, but instead, I'm cuddled up in my bed, snoozing." I pinched my arm and felt the pain. I was definitely in the waking world.
I turned to head back to the couch when I heard the running again, this time louder. I opened my door and peeked out into the hallway. Nobody was there. The door from the apartment across me opened up, too. Gloria, a young at heart grandma who was friendly/constantly buzzed in a wine mom kind of way, gave me a once over.
"You heard that, too?" she asked.
"Kids?"
"No rugrats around. I assumed it was some drunk assholes stumbling home from the bar."
I laughed. Gloria was, as always, blunt. "I didn't see any assholes," I said.
"Then you're not watching the right kind of internet videos," she said with a wink and a hoarse cackle.
I blushed. How do you respond to that? I just kind of nodded in agreement and shrugged.
"Gotta get your jollies while you can," she said before adding, "You need some rest, dear. You look like hammered shit." She shut her door and went back inside.
She was right. I felt like hammered shit. Since I wasn't going to solve the case of the mysterious runner and was sure it wasn't some lost kid, I decided to call it a night. I went back inside, shut down the apartment, and crawled into bed.
I thought about watching one of the "right kind of internet videos" but fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
***
"Your problem is you think the world owes you something."
John, my elderly coworker at the grocery store, was standing by while I unloaded a pallet of cereal. I liked John, and when I first started, we instantly clicked. He's quick with a joke and fun to talk to. He's also about thirty years older than me and speaks with the Boomer combination of accumulated wisdom, backhanded compliments, and fringe conspiracy nonsense. Still, regardless of how couched the kindness is in gobbledygook, he's usually coming from a good place.
"What?" I said, putting a box of Captain Crunch on the shelf.
"You're complaining about your situation, right? Saying it ain't fair. The world took a paddle to your hind quarters? Hey brother, that's the way the cookie crumbles. Gotta just pick yourself up and start over. You're smart enough – figured this job out right quick – you can do it."
The job was wheeling pallets around the store and stocking shelves. It wasn't much to figure out, but I understood his meaning. The other stuff wasn't necessary, though. "I'm just in a funk. I don't see a way forward."
"Hey, so you've bottomed out. No shame in that. Happens to us all. Silver lining, you can only go up," he said before adding, "Unless some other bad shit happens to you like your car dies or your apartment building burns down. But after that, it's only up."
"The apartment building burning down would be a blessing," I said, hoisting another little Captain on the shelf. "The rent is killing me."
"Have you tried negotiating a lower rent? They used to do that when I was your age."
"I think they'd evict me if I even asked."
"Hell, then you'd have at least thirty days, maybe forty, before they'd kick you out. Plenty of time to turn things around."
"Uh-huh," I said, "Any chance you could give me a hand here?"
"My back is screaming like a pretty young thing after prom," he said, holding his back for emphasis.
I didn't push. "Hey, I meant to tell you about some weird shit that happened the other night."
"Lay it on me. I love the strange."
"So, after my shift the other day, I got home around midnight and was flopped on the couch. I heard someone running down the hallway outside my apartment. I wasn't the only one. A few other neighbors heard it, too. When we checked, though, nobody was there."
"That ain't strange," John said, waving his hand, "that's a man who's plowing another man's wife running for his life."
I laughed. "That's not the weird part. So, for the next two nights, it's the same thing. Around midnight, someone runs down the hallway. Only this time, they're trying the door handles as they pass. So, I asked the front desk to check the security cameras, and they do."
"They see a man running away holding his clothes?"
"There wasn't anyone running down the hall," I said, "But the weird thing was, you could see the door handles turning on the video."
"Damn, that's a good one," John said, "You sure it wasn't just a camera glitch. These new ones from overseas aren't as reliable as they want you to think. Chinese probably using them to spy on you, too."
He continued as my brain tried to reconcile John's two opposing comments. "Weird shit happens at night, man. Before working here, I only worked the day shift. Even when they offered me more money to work nights, I turned it down. Even when they promised me a promotion, I turned them down."
In a previous life, John had worked as a paramedic. He came by it after serving in a medical unit in the army. He'd told me he loved the rush of the job, but after a while, the death and hurt in people's eyes got to be too much to handle. But he worked there for almost twenty years. So, the man had a tolerance for shenanigans and odd occurrences.
"Why'd you agree to work nights here?"
"Shit, we're home before the witching hour. This is like late afternoons, at best. But if it was overnights, hell no. Captain Crunch can anchor his own ship to the shelves. I'd take my ass to 7-11 for a day shift before agreeing to work an overnight."
"Something happen to you during the army?”
“I got the clap,” he offered.
I sighed. “What turned you off nights?"
"Oh. I heard enough stories from coworkers to know I didn't want to experience any of that hoo-doo shit," he said, "trying to save someone's life is hard enough without adding in demon kids and ghosts."
"Did your coworkers see demon kids?" I asked, moving on from the good Captain to the Trix rabbit.
He nodded, "They saw too much. I find it odd, even with all the surveillance we have now and all the science we know about these days, that the night still scares us. You ever know someone who worked a night shift?"
I had. My ex. During college, she worked the overnight desk at a hotel for a while. She quit because the job gave her bad vibes. I told John as much.
He pointed and laughed, "See! Don't you find it odd that every person who works at night always has a story of something eerie happening to them? Every person, buster. That's what they call an irrefutable fact."
"Maybe the ghost running down the hallway is an old employee still doing his rounds."
"In that case, keep that door double locked. I'd even wedge a towel under the door just in case."
"Maybe they're friendly? Casper-like in that way."
"You ever heard someone tell you about a friendly ghost outside the funny papers?"
"I'm sure it happens," I said, "The scary ghosts are more popular though."
“We think we know everything there is to know but we are just babes in the woods when it comes to night things.” John shook his head. "Imma tell you one or three things that happened to a guy I worked with back when I first got hired on to chase after corpses in the ambo. Guy's name was Gil. Quiet man, kept to himself. Didn't rock the boat or demand a bigger paddle. Just rowed with us. Good cat to learn under," John said, finally handing me a cereal box.
I took it, and he kept going, "Now, Gil, ya see, he had a little wifey that would pester him about working days. She was a cop and worked evenings at that time, so they never saw each other. When married people can't align their genitals every now and then, it spells doom."
"A little too much information but sure," I said, shelving another box of Trix.
"Probably part of what happened with you and yours," he said. He wasn't wrong, but that didn't mean I wanted to hear it.
John kept on, "Gil finally got approved to move to nights. Little pay boost and a happy, 'fulfilled' wife should've made that man happy. But it didn't. I saw him a few months later, and he had changed. He might've been quiet when he was working with me, but he'd talk to you if you engaged. When I saw him that time, though, oh boy. He looked sick."
"Wasn't a fan of working nights?"
"Wasn't a fan of living anymore is the feeling I got," John said, "After some prodding, he got to talking with me some. Told me he missed days because the nights were messing with him. I thought it had to do with the schedule change, but that wasn't the case. He said he saw things in the dark he couldn't explain. Things that would turn James Brown into James White, ya dig?"
"I...dig," I said.
"Told me they got a call to an abandoned apartment building one night, around three in the morning. Wasn't unusual. Old buildings in the city are where hop-heads congregate and share drugs. Sometimes, the drugs are too much. Sometimes, they find a person passed out or, worse, dead. When you work in the ambo, you aren't scared of death like a civilian. You've been around it. Probably seen a few folks take their last breaths. It doesn't bother you the way Mother Nature intended it should."
He handed me another box, continuing his assist streak, and kept going, "Ambo pulled up, Gil stepped out and looked for someone to talk to. Nobody there, though. Not uncommon. Some people want to help but not be involved. There's not a soul around. He calls out, but nothing comes back. Tells me he turns to get back in the ambulance when he hears a scream from inside the run-down building. They're calling for help. He's gotta go in the abandoned building in the dark."
"No thanks," I said.
"But it don't bother a medic like that. Gil's done a million of these calls. No big deal. He runs into that building but doesn't come back out until twenty minutes later. Just goes missing. After five, the crew heads in to back him up but can't find him. Gil tells me his crew called the cops. It was like he had vanished."
"What happened?"
"I asked him and he got real quiet. Said he fell into some place that looked like here but wasn't here. Said he felt their eyes on him. Judging him. Told me they followed him home and wouldn't leave him be."
"Who?"
John shrugged, "He didn't say. Shut down after that and left. Just walked past me like I was shit on the sidewalk. He quit about a week later. Heard he had a stroke a year later and was a tombstone owner three months after that. Good guy, though."
"Your aversion to overnights makes a little more sense."
"Never in a million years. You don't want something like that coming after you."
"In my case, could it get much worse?" I said with a half-smile.
"Man, I wouldn't even joke about that," he said, making the sign of the cross, "You don't want that shit attachin' itself to you. With your luck, you'd bring him in here, and it'd hop over to me. I can't have a ghost crimping my style."
After a bit, he got called away to sign off on a delivery. I finished out my shift and headed out to the parking lot. When I exited the building and spotted my car, I froze. My doors were all open, and the interior lights were on. Someone had broken in.
I glanced around the lot to see if the thief was still around, but there wasn't another person near me. I walked over to the car and peered inside. My glovebox had been ripped open, and my registration was pulled out, but nothing else was missing.
I found little hand prints in the dirt all along the body and the windows. I held mine up for comparison, and they were about half the size. It must've been some tweens or teens who did this. Maybe they were going to steal some things and got cold feet. I contemplated calling the cops, but since nothing had happened and they wouldn't do anything anyway, there was no reason to delay sleep any longer than I had to. I closed all the doors and climbed inside.
I started the car and heard something rattling in the AC vents. I pulled out my phone and shined the light at the vent. There was a small piece of paper inside. I looked around my car for some tool to pull it out and only found an ink pen and a bent-up paperclip. After McGuyvering the vent for a bit, the paper finally came out.
I held it up and unfolded it. There was a handwritten note. It simply read, "I know you're here. I know you're hiding him. I will find you both, and then it'll be your turn to run the race. We all have to run at some point."
I had no idea what that meant, but my body still provided goosebumps. Who was trying to find me? Who was the second person? Why leave a note in my AC vent? What the hell did run the race mean? I hadn't run a race since elementary school and wasn't planning to do so any time soon. Did they mean the rat race? Because I was basically marathoning that motherfucker already.
"Jesus Christ," I said, shaking my head. "What else, universe?"
As if it were a well-practiced comedy routine, the universe responded. My back passenger door swung open, and I heard footsteps running away from my car. I sprung up and scrambled to get out. There wasn't anyone else in the lot that I could see, but very clearly, someone had been hiding in my backseat.
My nerves were shot already, and this was not something I wanted to deal with at the moment. My brain decided that to avoid a breakdown, I needed to shift into automatic mode and just get back to the safety of my apartment. I'd be more prepared to deal with this – whatever it was – in the morning.
Either that or I'd jump in front of a bus. Both sounded satisfying, albeit in different ways.
***
"There he is," Gloria said as soon as I turned down the hallway. I looked up and noticed a small cabal of my neighbors standing in a semi-circle, waiting for me. They all look displeased.
"Hey guys," I said, confused. "I miss an invite for a block party?"
"What do you have to say for yourself?"
"About?"
"Don't play dumb," another neighbor said, jabbing their finger in my direction.
"I'm not playing," I said, realizing the self-burn only after the words escaped my lips.
Gloria showed me the screen on her phone. It was a static shot of her door from across the hall. She pressed play, and nothing happened for a beat until something darted across the screen. That was the whole thing. I looked up at her, my face twisted up in confusion.
"Well," she said, "What do you have to say?"
"What was that?" I asked.
"That was you!" the pointing neighbor said, pointing harder than I thought possible.
"What?" I said, laughing. "Are you all serious?" They didn't laugh, and I realized they weren't joking. "How can you even tell it's me? It's a blur. Never mind the fact I've been at work for the last five hours. Plus, this blur is half my size. I get we're all weirded out about the Phantom Runner, but it's not me. I swear to God. I don't even have the energy to think about running, let alone the physical desire to."
"Then explain this," Gloria said, slightly swaying from the half bottle of Pinot Noir coursing through her blood. She rewound the video and froze it on a specific frame. I couldn't believe my eyes, but I was looking at...me. Or, rather, something pretending to be me.
"What the fuck?" I said, my jaw dropping.
"Still think we're lying?" the pointer said smugly.
"No, but, guys, this isn't me. I... I've been at work. Wanna see my schedule?"
I reached into my phone and pulled it out. There was an email with my work schedule that confirmed what I was saying. They relaxed, and, for the first time, anger gave way to fear. Their very plausible explanation was suddenly invalid. It left two implausible answers floating in the ether: either I had a pint-sized doppelganger terrorizing the hallways of my apartment, or a ghost was haunting the building.
"I'm...gonna go inside," the pointer said, walking back to their home. Everyone else drifted away until it was just Gloria and I standing alone in the hallway.
She looked at me and sighed, "I feel like an asshole," she said. "Sorry I accused you of causing the racket."
"If I had seen the video, I would've thought the same thing," I said. "We're good."
"What do you think it is?" she asked.
I shrugged and let out an exhausted sigh. "Honestly, Gloria, I've had a screwed-up night already, and this is the cherry on top of the shit sundae; forgive my language. I don't have the mental bandwidth to even comprehend what's on the video at the moment."
"Think it's after you?" she asked, though I suspected the wine had forced her to put that idea out into the universe. As I had already seen, the universe seemed to take requests on my behalf.
"Maybe it's after you?" I said, coming off a little meaner than I intended, but I didn't care. I left her there to contemplate that scenario and went into my apartment.
As soon as the door shut behind me, I felt on edge. Just because I didn't have the mental bandwidth to discuss the doppelganger didn't mean it wasn't dominating my thoughts. I saw the frame of the video. The damn ghost looked exactly like me. What could that possibly mean? I know I had wished for death, but I was very still alive. I had rent due to prove that.
Did I happen to live in a place haunted by a ghost that looked strikingly like me? Was it some kid with a passing resemblance just causing chaos? Was it something else I couldn't even comprehend – an alien? A clone? A secret government project?
There was a thumping coming from the hallway. The mini Usain Bolt was at it again. I knew the neighbors would ignore it. Since they had all thought it was me, which was proven to be untrue, they would avoid the running man from now on. While curious and confused by the creature, they'd never put themselves in harm's way to discover what it was. They were not a brave lot.
Neither was I, but maybe my life crumbling around me had forced my hand. I walked over to my door and swung it open. I hit record on my phone, stuck it out like a periscope, and glanced around the hallway. Nobody was there. No neighbors were looking. No person was running.
"You gotta stop, man. I need to go to sleep," I said to the empty space. No response, not that I was expecting one.
I turned to walk back in, and I caught something out of the corner of my eye. A face at the end of the hallway peeked around the corner. For a quick second, we locked eyes, and it was like I was looking into a mirror. This thing was me. But...how?
I tried to get it on video, but it ducked back into the shadows. I took that as a cue to shut and lock my door. My heart was racing, and I didn't want to think about this anymore, but I couldn't help it. There was a me in the hallway who enjoyed pestering my neighbors. Worse, they liked to run for some ungodly reason.
I put my phone on the counter, the video still rolling, when there was a knock at my door. It echoed in my near-empty apartment. I tried to ignore it and convince myself it was something else, but it wasn't. The ghost was knocking on my door. Even with my brain paralyzed, I couldn't help but think that it was awfully polite to knock.
Another knock, this one more forceful. I wondered if the neighbors thought I was making this up?
"I know you're in there," a voice said. It sounded just like me. "This is about the race. We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I froze. My legs went wobbly like a boxer on the brink of a blackout, but I stayed tall. I opened my mouth to speak and found the words dying in my throat. I grabbed a nearby bottle of water and took a chug.
"We all have to run the race."
"What race?" I choked out, "What are you talking about?"
"Open up. They're in there already, and I need to get them."
I glanced all around my empty apartment. I didn't see anyone else in here. I didn't hear anything. Whatever this thing was, it was lying. I grabbed my phone and held it in my hand. I wanted to document this to prove that I wasn't crazy.
“Did you leave the note?”
“I know they’re in there with you,” it repeated.
"There's no one in here," I said.
"They're hiding. I think I know where. I can hear them."
"You've gotta get out of here," I said. "There's nothing here, and you're scaring people."
"I'm scared, and you should be! You have to run the race, man! Open up, and I can show you."
The handle started to shake. I peered through the keyhole and only saw the top of the other me's head. They began to shoulder the door, and it crunched against my nose. I screamed out in pain and stumbled back. I tripped over my feet and landed hard on my ass.
The thing slammed into the door two more times, shaking the walls. The strength seemed unnatural. On the third hit, the door burst open. I finally got a view of the thing. It was me. Scaled down by half, but it was me. We both seemed shocked.
"You're so much taller up close," the other me said.
"Who the fuck are you?"
I felt a buzzing in my feet that seemed to climb up my body until it reached my brain. There was an intense pain that rippled through the folds of my mind. Through the pain, I could hear a disembodied voice whisper, "We all must run the race. We all have to run. Chase it. Chase yourself." It felt like my skull was going to split in two. I clutched the sides of my head and let out a primal scream that hurt my own ears.
Then it was gone. But I could still feel the echoes in my mind. "We all have to run the race. We all have to run." The thought would waver between making no sense and making complete sense. One second, I was questioning what was happening to my mind, and the next, all I felt was the desire to continue the race.
"There he is!" the other me yelled, pointing at the hallway.
I glanced over and saw another version of me standing in the hallway. It was half the size of the other me that had broken into my place. When tiny me locked eyes with my intruder, he ran for the open hallway closet.
The other me followed, screaming that it would catch the little bastard if it was the last thing he'd do. I pushed myself up to my feet and felt queasy. I watched as the other me ran head-first into the closet without slowing. I expected to hear a loud thump as it hit the back wall but none came.
"We all have to run the race," the voice in my head said, soothing my nerves. "It's your time to run the race."
I moved down the hallway, each footfall echoing loudly in the empty apartment, each step bringing me closer to the closet door. Something was drawing me there. The voice's words echoed in my mind as well: "We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I grabbed the door and stopped. Something was compelling me to move forward. To go into the closet. To chase myself. To run the race.
"No," I whispered and yanked my hand from the door. I pulled out my still recording phone, and stared into the camera. My face was devoid of color, and you could see the fear etched into me. "I'm freaking out because...because…"
I stopped. I felt an invisible hand grab my body and tug. "Because...because if I don't run the race, something bad will happen. I have to chase it. I...I have to."
My phone dropped from my hand, and I didn’t care. The force pulling me forward stopped but my body kept going. I could feel the last strands of my rational mind splintering. My thoughts became focused on one thing: I had to catch myself, find out what was happening, and run the race. If I ran, maybe I'd win.
I needed a win.
I walked into the back of the closet and felt a door handle sticking out of the wall. I'd been in that closet a million times before and never had seen this. But a sense of calm washed over me. This….this was supposed to be here. This was perfectly fine.
I turned the handle and pulled open the invisible door. In front of me was a hallway that looked strikingly like the one outside my apartment. At the end of the hallway, I saw Gloria step out of their home to leave for the night. She was huge. Twice my size, easy.
Another door opened, and I saw...me—a giant version of me. The Hulk version of me was getting ready to go to the grocery store for work. I watched as the giant Gloria and giant me joked and laughed. I was stunned.
I stared, and a new thought came to me. I have to find the smaller me and talk to it. I needed to find out if there's a way out of this...this….
"It's your turn to run," the voice said.
Calm embraced me. "It's my turn to run," I repeated. As the giant me took off and the giant Gloria re-entered her apartment, the hallway beckoned.
"We all have to run the race," I said softly, "It's my turn now."
I started running.
submitted by SunHeadPrime to scarystories [link] [comments]
My struggles ramped up exponentially in the last two weeks. It started when my long-term girlfriend and I called it quits after five years. There was no definitive relationship-altering fight or infidelity. It was simply the boring banality of the "roommate-ification" of our lives together. We both felt the shift but never talked about it. Turns out communication is important.
Truthfully, we'd stayed together for so long because we couldn't afford to live apart. Our rent had nearly doubled the last time we re-upped our lease but even that was a bargain compared to what was out there currently. We were trapped by our need to have a roof over our heads.
My job had stagnated, and I couldn't find anything better. I was stuck. Like me, she'd been job hunting as well. Unlike me, she had a master's, and her prospects should've been higher. They weren't. For five months, she applied to hundreds of jobs and couldn't break through. If she got a rejection email, it was a win. Most of the time, the companies never responded.
Finally, she found a great opportunity at a Fortune 500 company. It was an involved process. She nailed the five interviews, and her "test project" was well received. She was offered the position, and it came with a massive pay increase—double her current salary. I was proud of her—she needed a win. We celebrated with pizza and beer that night.
Two days later, she dropped the bomb that she was breaking things off. The relationship ending wasn't a surprise. The timing was. The discussion was brief, and there was zero chance of reconciliation. She declined when I asked if she could stay until the lease ended. Mentally, it would've been too much for her. Two days after that, she moved out, taking half the rent with her. I was stuck in a lease I couldn't afford on my salary for the next six months.
My free time evaporated as I took on two extra gigs to help make ends meet. In addition to my office nine to five, I drove for a delivery app on the weekends and took a part-time night job stocking shelves at a local grocery store. When I wasn't hustling for housing, I slept or ate. I did nothing beyond that. Nothing brings me joy. There is no spark.
This drudgery has become my daily routine, and it's killing me.
To help cover some cost gaps, I've started selling off some of my stuff online. It was just me here, and I decided that the Spartan lifestyle would have to work for now. Anything I could fetch a decent amount for went up for sale. My apartment is so empty now every noise causes an echo.
Before my shift at the grocery store, I agreed to meet someone who wanted to take a look at my kitchen table. It was a lovely table – my ex had obsessed over it – but I didn't see a need at the moment. Now that I was a bachelor, my TV trays became my default kitchen tables anyway. I wasn't planning on any dinner parties in the future anyway.
A couple showed up later than they said they would. It was a bored-looking guy and a fastidious young woman. She made friendly small talk as she looked over the table. Her boyfriend (I think) stayed quiet and played bodyguard. I gave him a friendly nod at one point, and he just looked away. She said they'd take it without trying to talk me down. I took the small win.
She asked if I could help carry it down to their truck. I was running late, but feeling helpful, even for a fleeting few seconds, was worth it. Her silent boyfriend and I hauled the table through the hallway and even managed to avoid hitting the walls the entire way down.
I placed it in their truck, got my money, and turned to leave. The girl said thanks, and the boyfriend finally returned the nod. I gave a weird half-wave to them both and started to walk away when I heard the passenger window being rolled down.
"Hey man," the boyfriend said, his voice higher pitched than I thought it would. "What was up with your brother giving us the evil eye in the lobby when we got here?"
I turned around, "Huh? I don't have a brother."
"A cousin then?"
"My family lives about a thousand miles away. What happened in the lobby?"
"A dude that looked just like you was hiding in a dark hallway in the lobby and staring at my girl's ass."
"Jacob, really," she said.
"I'm sorry that happened, but I had nothing to do with it. We do have the occasional homeless guy meander in. Maybe you saw one of them," I said. "Did he say or do anything bad?"
"Jacob, I asked you to not say something," the girl said, burying her head in her hands.
Jacob's frosty attitude to me made sense now. "He said something about running up that ass. I dunno, he was mumbling. I told him I'd beat his ass if he didn't stop staring. Seemed to shut him up."
"Oh. Well, congrats," I said. "I'll tell the manager. Thanks for letting me know."
"You should do a better job keeping jokers like that out of the building."
"Jacob, he's not a security guard."
"He should still be a man and protect his home."
"Have a good night," I said, ending the conversation and heading back up to my apartment. I had about five minutes to change and head out before I'd be late. Last thing my ego needed was to be fired from my backup job.
Thankfully, I was able to slip into work and not get spotted by my boss. That was the last of the good news, though. We had a massive weekly order come in, which meant I'd be there late, plus someone had called out. Worse, our hand truck had a flat tire, and I spent the next few hours torturing my muscles, schlepping heavy boxes around the store. I soldiered on, counting down the minutes until I left and fantasizing about going to bed for the night.
If wishing for sleep wasn't a sad statement to my mental well-being, nothing was.
I came home after my shift at the grocery store and plopped down on the couch. I had contemplated selling it, but it was an older Ikea number, and I didn't think the value would replace my desire to sit. I could feel my body sink into the cushions, and the day's tension seep out. I was beat and tired to the point that turning on the TV was a chore.
I picked up my phone and thought I'd doomscroll until sleep overtook me. I didn't expect it to be a long scroll, as even the methadone that is my phone has failed me lately. As I lowered myself from a slumped position to a supine one, I heard footsteps outside my apartment door. This was not unusual, but the noise I heard sounded like kid footsteps. That was unusual, as nobody on our floor had kids, and it was almost midnight.
Despite my body screaming at me to not move, my brain suggested I check it out. I rolled myself off the couch and eventually stood up. I listened again and heard the kid running down the hallway. I walked over to my door and looked out the peephole. I didn't see anyone.
"Maybe I'm dreaming," I said to myself. "Maybe I'm not staring out a peephole, expecting to see a kid running down the hall at midnight, but instead, I'm cuddled up in my bed, snoozing." I pinched my arm and felt the pain. I was definitely in the waking world.
I turned to head back to the couch when I heard the running again, this time louder. I opened my door and peeked out into the hallway. Nobody was there. The door from the apartment across me opened up, too. Gloria, a young at heart grandma who was friendly/constantly buzzed in a wine mom kind of way, gave me a once over.
"You heard that, too?" she asked.
"Kids?"
"No rugrats around. I assumed it was some drunk assholes stumbling home from the bar."
I laughed. Gloria was, as always, blunt. "I didn't see any assholes," I said.
"Then you're not watching the right kind of internet videos," she said with a wink and a hoarse cackle.
I blushed. How do you respond to that? I just kind of nodded in agreement and shrugged.
"Gotta get your jollies while you can," she said before adding, "You need some rest, dear. You look like hammered shit." She shut her door and went back inside.
She was right. I felt like hammered shit. Since I wasn't going to solve the case of the mysterious runner and was sure it wasn't some lost kid, I decided to call it a night. I went back inside, shut down the apartment, and crawled into bed.
I thought about watching one of the "right kind of internet videos" but fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
***
"Your problem is you think the world owes you something."
John, my elderly coworker at the grocery store, was standing by while I unloaded a pallet of cereal. I liked John, and when I first started, we instantly clicked. He's quick with a joke and fun to talk to. He's also about thirty years older than me and speaks with the Boomer combination of accumulated wisdom, backhanded compliments, and fringe conspiracy nonsense. Still, regardless of how couched the kindness is in gobbledygook, he's usually coming from a good place.
"What?" I said, putting a box of Captain Crunch on the shelf.
"You're complaining about your situation, right? Saying it ain't fair. The world took a paddle to your hind quarters? Hey brother, that's the way the cookie crumbles. Gotta just pick yourself up and start over. You're smart enough – figured this job out right quick – you can do it."
The job was wheeling pallets around the store and stocking shelves. It wasn't much to figure out, but I understood his meaning. The other stuff wasn't necessary, though. "I'm just in a funk. I don't see a way forward."
"Hey, so you've bottomed out. No shame in that. Happens to us all. Silver lining, you can only go up," he said before adding, "Unless some other bad shit happens to you like your car dies or your apartment building burns down. But after that, it's only up."
"The apartment building burning down would be a blessing," I said, hoisting another little Captain on the shelf. "The rent is killing me."
"Have you tried negotiating a lower rent? They used to do that when I was your age."
"I think they'd evict me if I even asked."
"Hell, then you'd have at least thirty days, maybe forty, before they'd kick you out. Plenty of time to turn things around."
"Uh-huh," I said, "Any chance you could give me a hand here?"
"My back is screaming like a pretty young thing after prom," he said, holding his back for emphasis.
I didn't push. "Hey, I meant to tell you about some weird shit that happened the other night."
"Lay it on me. I love the strange."
"So, after my shift the other day, I got home around midnight and was flopped on the couch. I heard someone running down the hallway outside my apartment. I wasn't the only one. A few other neighbors heard it, too. When we checked, though, nobody was there."
"That ain't strange," John said, waving his hand, "that's a man who's plowing another man's wife running for his life."
I laughed. "That's not the weird part. So, for the next two nights, it's the same thing. Around midnight, someone runs down the hallway. Only this time, they're trying the door handles as they pass. So, I asked the front desk to check the security cameras, and they do."
"They see a man running away holding his clothes?"
"There wasn't anyone running down the hall," I said, "But the weird thing was, you could see the door handles turning on the video."
"Damn, that's a good one," John said, "You sure it wasn't just a camera glitch. These new ones from overseas aren't as reliable as they want you to think. Chinese probably using them to spy on you, too."
He continued as my brain tried to reconcile John's two opposing comments. "Weird shit happens at night, man. Before working here, I only worked the day shift. Even when they offered me more money to work nights, I turned it down. Even when they promised me a promotion, I turned them down."
In a previous life, John had worked as a paramedic. He came by it after serving in a medical unit in the army. He'd told me he loved the rush of the job, but after a while, the death and hurt in people's eyes got to be too much to handle. But he worked there for almost twenty years. So, the man had a tolerance for shenanigans and odd occurrences.
"Why'd you agree to work nights here?"
"Shit, we're home before the witching hour. This is like late afternoons, at best. But if it was overnights, hell no. Captain Crunch can anchor his own ship to the shelves. I'd take my ass to 7-11 for a day shift before agreeing to work an overnight."
"Something happen to you during the army?”
“I got the clap,” he offered.
I sighed. “What turned you off nights?"
"Oh. I heard enough stories from coworkers to know I didn't want to experience any of that hoo-doo shit," he said, "trying to save someone's life is hard enough without adding in demon kids and ghosts."
"Did your coworkers see demon kids?" I asked, moving on from the good Captain to the Trix rabbit.
He nodded, "They saw too much. I find it odd, even with all the surveillance we have now and all the science we know about these days, that the night still scares us. You ever know someone who worked a night shift?"
I had. My ex. During college, she worked the overnight desk at a hotel for a while. She quit because the job gave her bad vibes. I told John as much.
He pointed and laughed, "See! Don't you find it odd that every person who works at night always has a story of something eerie happening to them? Every person, buster. That's what they call an irrefutable fact."
"Maybe the ghost running down the hallway is an old employee still doing his rounds."
"In that case, keep that door double locked. I'd even wedge a towel under the door just in case."
"Maybe they're friendly? Casper-like in that way."
"You ever heard someone tell you about a friendly ghost outside the funny papers?"
"I'm sure it happens," I said, "The scary ghosts are more popular though."
“We think we know everything there is to know but we are just babes in the woods when it comes to night things.” John shook his head. "Imma tell you one or three things that happened to a guy I worked with back when I first got hired on to chase after corpses in the ambo. Guy's name was Gil. Quiet man, kept to himself. Didn't rock the boat or demand a bigger paddle. Just rowed with us. Good cat to learn under," John said, finally handing me a cereal box.
I took it, and he kept going, "Now, Gil, ya see, he had a little wifey that would pester him about working days. She was a cop and worked evenings at that time, so they never saw each other. When married people can't align their genitals every now and then, it spells doom."
"A little too much information but sure," I said, shelving another box of Trix.
"Probably part of what happened with you and yours," he said. He wasn't wrong, but that didn't mean I wanted to hear it.
John kept on, "Gil finally got approved to move to nights. Little pay boost and a happy, 'fulfilled' wife should've made that man happy. But it didn't. I saw him a few months later, and he had changed. He might've been quiet when he was working with me, but he'd talk to you if you engaged. When I saw him that time, though, oh boy. He looked sick."
"Wasn't a fan of working nights?"
"Wasn't a fan of living anymore is the feeling I got," John said, "After some prodding, he got to talking with me some. Told me he missed days because the nights were messing with him. I thought it had to do with the schedule change, but that wasn't the case. He said he saw things in the dark he couldn't explain. Things that would turn James Brown into James White, ya dig?"
"I...dig," I said.
"Told me they got a call to an abandoned apartment building one night, around three in the morning. Wasn't unusual. Old buildings in the city are where hop-heads congregate and share drugs. Sometimes, the drugs are too much. Sometimes, they find a person passed out or, worse, dead. When you work in the ambo, you aren't scared of death like a civilian. You've been around it. Probably seen a few folks take their last breaths. It doesn't bother you the way Mother Nature intended it should."
He handed me another box, continuing his assist streak, and kept going, "Ambo pulled up, Gil stepped out and looked for someone to talk to. Nobody there, though. Not uncommon. Some people want to help but not be involved. There's not a soul around. He calls out, but nothing comes back. Tells me he turns to get back in the ambulance when he hears a scream from inside the run-down building. They're calling for help. He's gotta go in the abandoned building in the dark."
"No thanks," I said.
"But it don't bother a medic like that. Gil's done a million of these calls. No big deal. He runs into that building but doesn't come back out until twenty minutes later. Just goes missing. After five, the crew heads in to back him up but can't find him. Gil tells me his crew called the cops. It was like he had vanished."
"What happened?"
"I asked him and he got real quiet. Said he fell into some place that looked like here but wasn't here. Said he felt their eyes on him. Judging him. Told me they followed him home and wouldn't leave him be."
"Who?"
John shrugged, "He didn't say. Shut down after that and left. Just walked past me like I was shit on the sidewalk. He quit about a week later. Heard he had a stroke a year later and was a tombstone owner three months after that. Good guy, though."
"Your aversion to overnights makes a little more sense."
"Never in a million years. You don't want something like that coming after you."
"In my case, could it get much worse?" I said with a half-smile.
"Man, I wouldn't even joke about that," he said, making the sign of the cross, "You don't want that shit attachin' itself to you. With your luck, you'd bring him in here, and it'd hop over to me. I can't have a ghost crimping my style."
After a bit, he got called away to sign off on a delivery. I finished out my shift and headed out to the parking lot. When I exited the building and spotted my car, I froze. My doors were all open, and the interior lights were on. Someone had broken in.
I glanced around the lot to see if the thief was still around, but there wasn't another person near me. I walked over to the car and peered inside. My glovebox had been ripped open, and my registration was pulled out, but nothing else was missing.
I found little hand prints in the dirt all along the body and the windows. I held mine up for comparison, and they were about half the size. It must've been some tweens or teens who did this. Maybe they were going to steal some things and got cold feet. I contemplated calling the cops, but since nothing had happened and they wouldn't do anything anyway, there was no reason to delay sleep any longer than I had to. I closed all the doors and climbed inside.
I started the car and heard something rattling in the AC vents. I pulled out my phone and shined the light at the vent. There was a small piece of paper inside. I looked around my car for some tool to pull it out and only found an ink pen and a bent-up paperclip. After McGuyvering the vent for a bit, the paper finally came out.
I held it up and unfolded it. There was a handwritten note. It simply read, "I know you're here. I know you're hiding him. I will find you both, and then it'll be your turn to run the race. We all have to run at some point."
I had no idea what that meant, but my body still provided goosebumps. Who was trying to find me? Who was the second person? Why leave a note in my AC vent? What the hell did run the race mean? I hadn't run a race since elementary school and wasn't planning to do so any time soon. Did they mean the rat race? Because I was basically marathoning that motherfucker already.
"Jesus Christ," I said, shaking my head. "What else, universe?"
As if it were a well-practiced comedy routine, the universe responded. My back passenger door swung open, and I heard footsteps running away from my car. I sprung up and scrambled to get out. There wasn't anyone else in the lot that I could see, but very clearly, someone had been hiding in my backseat.
My nerves were shot already, and this was not something I wanted to deal with at the moment. My brain decided that to avoid a breakdown, I needed to shift into automatic mode and just get back to the safety of my apartment. I'd be more prepared to deal with this – whatever it was – in the morning.
Either that or I'd jump in front of a bus. Both sounded satisfying, albeit in different ways.
***
"There he is," Gloria said as soon as I turned down the hallway. I looked up and noticed a small cabal of my neighbors standing in a semi-circle, waiting for me. They all look displeased.
"Hey guys," I said, confused. "I miss an invite for a block party?"
"What do you have to say for yourself?"
"About?"
"Don't play dumb," another neighbor said, jabbing their finger in my direction.
"I'm not playing," I said, realizing the self-burn only after the words escaped my lips.
Gloria showed me the screen on her phone. It was a static shot of her door from across the hall. She pressed play, and nothing happened for a beat until something darted across the screen. That was the whole thing. I looked up at her, my face twisted up in confusion.
"Well," she said, "What do you have to say?"
"What was that?" I asked.
"That was you!" the pointing neighbor said, pointing harder than I thought possible.
"What?" I said, laughing. "Are you all serious?" They didn't laugh, and I realized they weren't joking. "How can you even tell it's me? It's a blur. Never mind the fact I've been at work for the last five hours. Plus, this blur is half my size. I get we're all weirded out about the Phantom Runner, but it's not me. I swear to God. I don't even have the energy to think about running, let alone the physical desire to."
"Then explain this," Gloria said, slightly swaying from the half bottle of Pinot Noir coursing through her blood. She rewound the video and froze it on a specific frame. I couldn't believe my eyes, but I was looking at...me. Or, rather, something pretending to be me.
"What the fuck?" I said, my jaw dropping.
"Still think we're lying?" the pointer said smugly.
"No, but, guys, this isn't me. I... I've been at work. Wanna see my schedule?"
I reached into my phone and pulled it out. There was an email with my work schedule that confirmed what I was saying. They relaxed, and, for the first time, anger gave way to fear. Their very plausible explanation was suddenly invalid. It left two implausible answers floating in the ether: either I had a pint-sized doppelganger terrorizing the hallways of my apartment, or a ghost was haunting the building.
"I'm...gonna go inside," the pointer said, walking back to their home. Everyone else drifted away until it was just Gloria and I standing alone in the hallway.
She looked at me and sighed, "I feel like an asshole," she said. "Sorry I accused you of causing the racket."
"If I had seen the video, I would've thought the same thing," I said. "We're good."
"What do you think it is?" she asked.
I shrugged and let out an exhausted sigh. "Honestly, Gloria, I've had a screwed-up night already, and this is the cherry on top of the shit sundae; forgive my language. I don't have the mental bandwidth to even comprehend what's on the video at the moment."
"Think it's after you?" she asked, though I suspected the wine had forced her to put that idea out into the universe. As I had already seen, the universe seemed to take requests on my behalf.
"Maybe it's after you?" I said, coming off a little meaner than I intended, but I didn't care. I left her there to contemplate that scenario and went into my apartment.
As soon as the door shut behind me, I felt on edge. Just because I didn't have the mental bandwidth to discuss the doppelganger didn't mean it wasn't dominating my thoughts. I saw the frame of the video. The damn ghost looked exactly like me. What could that possibly mean? I know I had wished for death, but I was very still alive. I had rent due to prove that.
Did I happen to live in a place haunted by a ghost that looked strikingly like me? Was it some kid with a passing resemblance just causing chaos? Was it something else I couldn't even comprehend – an alien? A clone? A secret government project?
There was a thumping coming from the hallway. The mini Usain Bolt was at it again. I knew the neighbors would ignore it. Since they had all thought it was me, which was proven to be untrue, they would avoid the running man from now on. While curious and confused by the creature, they'd never put themselves in harm's way to discover what it was. They were not a brave lot.
Neither was I, but maybe my life crumbling around me had forced my hand. I walked over to my door and swung it open. I hit record on my phone, stuck it out like a periscope, and glanced around the hallway. Nobody was there. No neighbors were looking. No person was running.
"You gotta stop, man. I need to go to sleep," I said to the empty space. No response, not that I was expecting one.
I turned to walk back in, and I caught something out of the corner of my eye. A face at the end of the hallway peeked around the corner. For a quick second, we locked eyes, and it was like I was looking into a mirror. This thing was me. But...how?
I tried to get it on video, but it ducked back into the shadows. I took that as a cue to shut and lock my door. My heart was racing, and I didn't want to think about this anymore, but I couldn't help it. There was a me in the hallway who enjoyed pestering my neighbors. Worse, they liked to run for some ungodly reason.
I put my phone on the counter, the video still rolling, when there was a knock at my door. It echoed in my near-empty apartment. I tried to ignore it and convince myself it was something else, but it wasn't. The ghost was knocking on my door. Even with my brain paralyzed, I couldn't help but think that it was awfully polite to knock.
Another knock, this one more forceful. I wondered if the neighbors thought I was making this up?
"I know you're in there," a voice said. It sounded just like me. "This is about the race. We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I froze. My legs went wobbly like a boxer on the brink of a blackout, but I stayed tall. I opened my mouth to speak and found the words dying in my throat. I grabbed a nearby bottle of water and took a chug.
"We all have to run the race."
"What race?" I choked out, "What are you talking about?"
"Open up. They're in there already, and I need to get them."
I glanced all around my empty apartment. I didn't see anyone else in here. I didn't hear anything. Whatever this thing was, it was lying. I grabbed my phone and held it in my hand. I wanted to document this to prove that I wasn't crazy.
“Did you leave the note?”
“I know they’re in there with you,” it repeated.
"There's no one in here," I said.
"They're hiding. I think I know where. I can hear them."
"You've gotta get out of here," I said. "There's nothing here, and you're scaring people."
"I'm scared, and you should be! You have to run the race, man! Open up, and I can show you."
The handle started to shake. I peered through the keyhole and only saw the top of the other me's head. They began to shoulder the door, and it crunched against my nose. I screamed out in pain and stumbled back. I tripped over my feet and landed hard on my ass.
The thing slammed into the door two more times, shaking the walls. The strength seemed unnatural. On the third hit, the door burst open. I finally got a view of the thing. It was me. Scaled down by half, but it was me. We both seemed shocked.
"You're so much taller up close," the other me said.
"Who the fuck are you?"
I felt a buzzing in my feet that seemed to climb up my body until it reached my brain. There was an intense pain that rippled through the folds of my mind. Through the pain, I could hear a disembodied voice whisper, "We all must run the race. We all have to run. Chase it. Chase yourself." It felt like my skull was going to split in two. I clutched the sides of my head and let out a primal scream that hurt my own ears.
Then it was gone. But I could still feel the echoes in my mind. "We all have to run the race. We all have to run." The thought would waver between making no sense and making complete sense. One second, I was questioning what was happening to my mind, and the next, all I felt was the desire to continue the race.
"There he is!" the other me yelled, pointing at the hallway.
I glanced over and saw another version of me standing in the hallway. It was half the size of the other me that had broken into my place. When tiny me locked eyes with my intruder, he ran for the open hallway closet.
The other me followed, screaming that it would catch the little bastard if it was the last thing he'd do. I pushed myself up to my feet and felt queasy. I watched as the other me ran head-first into the closet without slowing. I expected to hear a loud thump as it hit the back wall but none came.
"We all have to run the race," the voice in my head said, soothing my nerves. "It's your time to run the race."
I moved down the hallway, each footfall echoing loudly in the empty apartment, each step bringing me closer to the closet door. Something was drawing me there. The voice's words echoed in my mind as well: "We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I grabbed the door and stopped. Something was compelling me to move forward. To go into the closet. To chase myself. To run the race.
"No," I whispered and yanked my hand from the door. I pulled out my still recording phone, and stared into the camera. My face was devoid of color, and you could see the fear etched into me. "I'm freaking out because...because…"
I stopped. I felt an invisible hand grab my body and tug. "Because...because if I don't run the race, something bad will happen. I have to chase it. I...I have to."
My phone dropped from my hand, and I didn’t care. The force pulling me forward stopped but my body kept going. I could feel the last strands of my rational mind splintering. My thoughts became focused on one thing: I had to catch myself, find out what was happening, and run the race. If I ran, maybe I'd win.
I needed a win.
I walked into the back of the closet and felt a door handle sticking out of the wall. I'd been in that closet a million times before and never had seen this. But a sense of calm washed over me. This….this was supposed to be here. This was perfectly fine.
I turned the handle and pulled open the invisible door. In front of me was a hallway that looked strikingly like the one outside my apartment. At the end of the hallway, I saw Gloria step out of their home to leave for the night. She was huge. Twice my size, easy.
Another door opened, and I saw...me—a giant version of me. The Hulk version of me was getting ready to go to the grocery store for work. I watched as the giant Gloria and giant me joked and laughed. I was stunned.
I stared, and a new thought came to me. I have to find the smaller me and talk to it. I needed to find out if there's a way out of this...this….
"It's your turn to run," the voice said.
Calm embraced me. "It's my turn to run," I repeated. As the giant me took off and the giant Gloria re-entered her apartment, the hallway beckoned.
"We all have to run the race," I said softly, "It's my turn now."
I started running.
2024.05.22 17:00 Hefty_Fix_8416 Avengers Assemble (Diss on The Free World and Danny) Feat: Zareem, Free, Pop, Spencer, Mia, Noah, Repi and Ren
Spencer: Your outnumbered guys, You aint fire enough to go unnoticed. Hey Danny, You wrote me a week ago and I still havnt posted. So here it is, hope you rock a full house you fucking Olson. Fuck it Gnat how's your little sister. Hopefully not getting involved in drugs like her rehab going brother. Im on another plane, Im so awoken. You want Tank to crash and see. But now your choking. Cause when im home alone? Im still Culkin. Lets march with the NRA to have this little "Pistol" broken. Tough shit Gina. Shit ill hit you so hard till I hit your belly. This dudes anorexic, get him peanut butter mixed with jelly! Dawg im not even pissed, no really. Im balling like your disco silly. Them jabs missed though Danny. Im coming for your throat Danny. Come at me dude im sick, polio. You just a hater coming out the wood work like Pinocchio.
Free: Yall say, ive changed. Really though? How so? Gnat targets me like its my fault hes broke. John targets me like its my fault hes always gotta choke. Gnat all talk but he been predictable, bitch ive been unstoppable. John barely even dropping lines, must be out of his mind. Aint wasting no more time. Danny stay riding John's nuts. Thats some weak ass trust. This diss was a must. Danny's rise is just a fucking bust. John is as old as crust. His group are filled with power lust. But it means nothing when they are only just. Tank told me yall were dissing, you wanted attention. Its getting a bit extensive. Like JCole said. Your first diss was a classic, your last diss was tragic. Your second diss was putting people to sleep but they gassed. Your third diss was massive. Yeah that was your prime. Your 4th diss was deleted so it aint even in line. Kind of funny how it took you 5 to come after me.
Zareem: Hello Danny Gland. You dont know me and nobody knows you. You have grown into a mold, a disgusting fungus. Latching onto that 1 week of fame you had 6 months ago. I remember before the Free World made you miserable, when you was kissing Tank's ass in an interview. When he was at the top of the pinnacle. Tank's record breaking unification, you was jealous that morning. On that podcast with Free. He tried to get you to stay quiet but I guess you had too much alcohol. Lets switch it up.. Narrative manipulation.. Non Fiction imitator, Drama instigator, Simulator for the paper. Family lies, run deep into John's lines. You predator, you predict fakes. Lets talk about yo mom faking Medicaid claims. Its sick you take advantage as you dedicate gains. Playing victim on tax dollars, delegate blame. You the modern Uncle Sam, pointing fingers to obtain.
Repi: Your all frauds. Honestly Zareem spoke the truth when he called John a con. Guess it runs in the family. Cause both John and his father got bars. Prison time, picture time, sit and smile. How's the tea? I know you wanna get a mug shot. Snitch you a gunna. Why you talking bout a Thug? Stop. Anything to get "RICO". Ego for the payroll. Give this man a tony, selling lines like its Yayo! You A-Hole, while im taking my business to the Mole. But its made of clay, thats Play-Dough. "She a teen, she eighteen". Woah. This man tough, He just aim for entertainment. Twitter fingers spinning clubs. But you aint "Affiliated Blood". Whats your type? Dont B negative Ho. He just paint the narration, its the same old story. But you aint no Caretaker, I got no fucks to care. Nebraska is a mood. Danny spent more time there than Boston? Cool. Cant deny rap, yeah its got American Roots. Both your parents are immigrants so Gina you sharing it too! We both guest, yeah you call Avatar a who? You said the same shit about Ren. Mad he wont do a rap with you?
Ren: Danny start doing some reflection, Feed a victim narrative, Must feel empty and neglected. Dont tell me about the culture John, you a fucking virus. Latch onto anyone, a tempt to get you higher. Fire at me for the trends. Claim you in the conversation for the greatest yet you only go over when you ride trends and somehow never tire. Who you gonna drive by. I wave hi while you Blank-it. You anemic with that Iron, get it up. Say Tank's defending Eminem. Made your own track roasting Melle Mel and making fun of him. Astro is known for dissing so you hop on tracks with him. Named your last single rap, Slime Shady. Oh my god Coincidence? Hm. Im sick of dissing hypocrites. Pretend like you all for the war.
Pop: Say we telling lies with your family of felons. Remember saying that a blind man, he wasnt blind. You aint deny that. What about your mother? Gnat you implied that im racist? And you misdirecting statements. So you pick and choose what you rebuttal. Screw and shift the clues. Aint it funny how that Danny interview was private, then you made it public right after I dropped the news. What about the rest of them reactions, Tank? You was loving him. Talk about reactions, take a clip and rehash it. Try to twist how its been added. Check the fucking titles. Its full analysis when its been done before. Aint nothing new. But why you so mad at Knox, what the fuck is wrong with you. Are you jealous cause he actually got some fans on Youtube? Just settle, Take some notes. Try to get on my level. I know and give Gina the book, Im glad you and Dream cool but my source comes straight from Zareem fool. I just wonder why he no longer fucks with you?
Noah: Blood of the father, This blood in the water floods. Reading Dead Sea tablets on these Red Seas. As I speak with Legendary leaders. Im Gilgamesh and this battle is tragic. Im at em watch him unravel, He Babbles on. Its me vs the Book of John. The language of liars and Faux Savants. But why he test a men whoes better. Come vie kings. Where's your code of arms? Put me on Blast? Left them hanging while your marginalized stories. Lies that you never had. Your last diss was sloppy, A Literate form of trash. All the guns bars clicking, That little mouse in your pad. You misplaced themes like you misplaced features. First it was Death Day while peeling off the leeches. Next you feigning with no TV. Then its The Funeral? I dont get the "Picture". But cast stones on this Medusa. While you Fictionalize African stories. You aint Chinua, but "when things fall apart". You still a grifter and a user. Quit abusing. Heart is bruised, your deity, identity of people that you use. Its hard to choose all these tools. Lets start with Screw. Like when you used Astro and told him "Lets work". But where's the comp you Assert, That con struck, you built him up for a feature so he dug it. Then you left him in the dirt. Ghosted him like everyone you use, a clever ruse. But now you got a real battle. A devil you never knew. Its you. Dont battle me, just battle you. You see music dont discriminate. Everyone's a muse. Paint me with the broad brush for the engagement and the views. Is it hatred that you use to enflame for what you fuse? But rap is a voice for change and names that have been abused. It can heal and it can move. It can build it doesnt choose. But your lies they divide for rage. You wanna really make a segment? Then quit aiming, click and shoot. For something different. Shape the community, build, obtain, inspire youth. Spread a message they can use. Instead of always tearing down you can change you can- Screw it.
Tank: There's only one way to get through to you. Misquote me on the Max line I used. I apologize just wanted to shine the truth. I was accountable. Whats your angle dude? That was a tone deaf bar not a instigating view. You shaming me like im faking too? That was 3 years ago dawg why the hate now. so new? You knew about it then, why didnt you fade me John? Cause I wasnt against you for you to do it. Narrative chase. Aint it funny how you only make a move when it gives you views. Slime Shady is wild dude, but im hanging on his name while you bait for views. Saying "Culture Vulture", just mad cause im shady too. Said the same thing about Pop and you hate him too. Same angle on Zareem after he flamed you. Throw the victim card and use a gun bar with him. Better come hard with it, Nah I aint talking about them 16's. Go and come yall, with it on the hunt yall spinning. You just dumb y'all fishing for the streams. You aint raising heat. Dude your fake degrees. I see you failed Geometry. You "square" up to me with them "Right Angles" that I would die mentioning them Family Trees. You planted that "Seed", ill leave from this earth? You pandered the feed, I bleed in the dirt? You literally said you would kill me first. You a drama chaser, always quick to dissing. Dissed Danny but now you switched positions. You would diss your own brother if it made you richer. But where is his feature? Faked a Smoke feature. Faked a Jack feature. Why you using his features? Better Lie, sense that its "Fine". Sensing a crime, cents for his time. Better save face, time to pull the files. Thats why you dissed Mia, I see the rage seeking talking anime. But you fake screening, came in for that culture. Straight gate keeping, but you talking about a vulture? Your hate seeping so you stirred the pot for no reason. Now you just speaking for all of us? Whoes leeching. You got yourself a.. Nah! Something special about this flow. I had to come back on this one. Dogs bark, bitches talk, you aint a G, without a rumor! I dont know but im worried about this boomer. Lets talk about scheming 16's, Book a flight, Lets talk about the diss you deleted overnight. Its a funny type of man what you do with your hands. The shit we do for fame and the shit you do with little girls. The shit we do for name. And the shit you didnt plan. You can take it to grave till the shit hits the fan. What type of man creeps with his friends girl. When they say, they sleeping on ya, new meanings for your words. We can go and ask Brock how you put your friends first. Oh you just slipped and your dick fell inside of her? Im not being mean with this, im sorry your a piece of shit. I know you gotta feed yourself. But you the one who heated this and me I would rather plead the 5th. But I dont even dig deep and look what I found shit. This aint the body "count", im expecting from this fuck boy wrapper. I just hope you brought some "Protection". When he says "Dont test him".. Nah. How can you "Erect" your home wrecking but you "Soft". Ok so I have privilege. But you abuse power, Is it lust you devour? We dont need to go far to know Gina hates white rappers. Aint it funny. Whats around you in the Free World. Calling me corny when you literally from the corn fields. You really harassing. Take a look around, how you claiming the Culture is you? Damn John, I know killers and robbers. Who you harming, out on your patch its tractors and farmers. Boy you harmless. Its on your arms still. From Lincoln getting killed in the booth, You not "John" Wilkes. Ok claim Nigeria, when you aint never even been there. You aint no murderer and you aint no Yoruba. Just stay inside your Village Boy. Fiddle with your little toy. Go and touch grass or get destroyed. Fuck being a better rapper, honestly John just go be a better man. Get a plan, sign that prenupt, go and settle with your friends. Still want Smoke? You a bad boy. Cause I might be white and look like Bieber but you still cant outrap me. Dont fuck with me Danny. I aint sharing a bond. But if the shoe fits then it fits on this bitch wearing John.
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Free: Yall say, ive changed. Really though? How so? Gnat targets me like its my fault hes broke. John targets me like its my fault hes always gotta choke. Gnat all talk but he been predictable, bitch ive been unstoppable. John barely even dropping lines, must be out of his mind. Aint wasting no more time. Danny stay riding John's nuts. Thats some weak ass trust. This diss was a must. Danny's rise is just a fucking bust. John is as old as crust. His group are filled with power lust. But it means nothing when they are only just. Tank told me yall were dissing, you wanted attention. Its getting a bit extensive. Like JCole said. Your first diss was a classic, your last diss was tragic. Your second diss was putting people to sleep but they gassed. Your third diss was massive. Yeah that was your prime. Your 4th diss was deleted so it aint even in line. Kind of funny how it took you 5 to come after me.
Zareem: Hello Danny Gland. You dont know me and nobody knows you. You have grown into a mold, a disgusting fungus. Latching onto that 1 week of fame you had 6 months ago. I remember before the Free World made you miserable, when you was kissing Tank's ass in an interview. When he was at the top of the pinnacle. Tank's record breaking unification, you was jealous that morning. On that podcast with Free. He tried to get you to stay quiet but I guess you had too much alcohol. Lets switch it up.. Narrative manipulation.. Non Fiction imitator, Drama instigator, Simulator for the paper. Family lies, run deep into John's lines. You predator, you predict fakes. Lets talk about yo mom faking Medicaid claims. Its sick you take advantage as you dedicate gains. Playing victim on tax dollars, delegate blame. You the modern Uncle Sam, pointing fingers to obtain.
Repi: Your all frauds. Honestly Zareem spoke the truth when he called John a con. Guess it runs in the family. Cause both John and his father got bars. Prison time, picture time, sit and smile. How's the tea? I know you wanna get a mug shot. Snitch you a gunna. Why you talking bout a Thug? Stop. Anything to get "RICO". Ego for the payroll. Give this man a tony, selling lines like its Yayo! You A-Hole, while im taking my business to the Mole. But its made of clay, thats Play-Dough. "She a teen, she eighteen". Woah. This man tough, He just aim for entertainment. Twitter fingers spinning clubs. But you aint "Affiliated Blood". Whats your type? Dont B negative Ho. He just paint the narration, its the same old story. But you aint no Caretaker, I got no fucks to care. Nebraska is a mood. Danny spent more time there than Boston? Cool. Cant deny rap, yeah its got American Roots. Both your parents are immigrants so Gina you sharing it too! We both guest, yeah you call Avatar a who? You said the same shit about Ren. Mad he wont do a rap with you?
Ren: Danny start doing some reflection, Feed a victim narrative, Must feel empty and neglected. Dont tell me about the culture John, you a fucking virus. Latch onto anyone, a tempt to get you higher. Fire at me for the trends. Claim you in the conversation for the greatest yet you only go over when you ride trends and somehow never tire. Who you gonna drive by. I wave hi while you Blank-it. You anemic with that Iron, get it up. Say Tank's defending Eminem. Made your own track roasting Melle Mel and making fun of him. Astro is known for dissing so you hop on tracks with him. Named your last single rap, Slime Shady. Oh my god Coincidence? Hm. Im sick of dissing hypocrites. Pretend like you all for the war.
Pop: Say we telling lies with your family of felons. Remember saying that a blind man, he wasnt blind. You aint deny that. What about your mother? Gnat you implied that im racist? And you misdirecting statements. So you pick and choose what you rebuttal. Screw and shift the clues. Aint it funny how that Danny interview was private, then you made it public right after I dropped the news. What about the rest of them reactions, Tank? You was loving him. Talk about reactions, take a clip and rehash it. Try to twist how its been added. Check the fucking titles. Its full analysis when its been done before. Aint nothing new. But why you so mad at Knox, what the fuck is wrong with you. Are you jealous cause he actually got some fans on Youtube? Just settle, Take some notes. Try to get on my level. I know and give Gina the book, Im glad you and Dream cool but my source comes straight from Zareem fool. I just wonder why he no longer fucks with you?
Noah: Blood of the father, This blood in the water floods. Reading Dead Sea tablets on these Red Seas. As I speak with Legendary leaders. Im Gilgamesh and this battle is tragic. Im at em watch him unravel, He Babbles on. Its me vs the Book of John. The language of liars and Faux Savants. But why he test a men whoes better. Come vie kings. Where's your code of arms? Put me on Blast? Left them hanging while your marginalized stories. Lies that you never had. Your last diss was sloppy, A Literate form of trash. All the guns bars clicking, That little mouse in your pad. You misplaced themes like you misplaced features. First it was Death Day while peeling off the leeches. Next you feigning with no TV. Then its The Funeral? I dont get the "Picture". But cast stones on this Medusa. While you Fictionalize African stories. You aint Chinua, but "when things fall apart". You still a grifter and a user. Quit abusing. Heart is bruised, your deity, identity of people that you use. Its hard to choose all these tools. Lets start with Screw. Like when you used Astro and told him "Lets work". But where's the comp you Assert, That con struck, you built him up for a feature so he dug it. Then you left him in the dirt. Ghosted him like everyone you use, a clever ruse. But now you got a real battle. A devil you never knew. Its you. Dont battle me, just battle you. You see music dont discriminate. Everyone's a muse. Paint me with the broad brush for the engagement and the views. Is it hatred that you use to enflame for what you fuse? But rap is a voice for change and names that have been abused. It can heal and it can move. It can build it doesnt choose. But your lies they divide for rage. You wanna really make a segment? Then quit aiming, click and shoot. For something different. Shape the community, build, obtain, inspire youth. Spread a message they can use. Instead of always tearing down you can change you can- Screw it.
Tank: There's only one way to get through to you. Misquote me on the Max line I used. I apologize just wanted to shine the truth. I was accountable. Whats your angle dude? That was a tone deaf bar not a instigating view. You shaming me like im faking too? That was 3 years ago dawg why the hate now. so new? You knew about it then, why didnt you fade me John? Cause I wasnt against you for you to do it. Narrative chase. Aint it funny how you only make a move when it gives you views. Slime Shady is wild dude, but im hanging on his name while you bait for views. Saying "Culture Vulture", just mad cause im shady too. Said the same thing about Pop and you hate him too. Same angle on Zareem after he flamed you. Throw the victim card and use a gun bar with him. Better come hard with it, Nah I aint talking about them 16's. Go and come yall, with it on the hunt yall spinning. You just dumb y'all fishing for the streams. You aint raising heat. Dude your fake degrees. I see you failed Geometry. You "square" up to me with them "Right Angles" that I would die mentioning them Family Trees. You planted that "Seed", ill leave from this earth? You pandered the feed, I bleed in the dirt? You literally said you would kill me first. You a drama chaser, always quick to dissing. Dissed Danny but now you switched positions. You would diss your own brother if it made you richer. But where is his feature? Faked a Smoke feature. Faked a Jack feature. Why you using his features? Better Lie, sense that its "Fine". Sensing a crime, cents for his time. Better save face, time to pull the files. Thats why you dissed Mia, I see the rage seeking talking anime. But you fake screening, came in for that culture. Straight gate keeping, but you talking about a vulture? Your hate seeping so you stirred the pot for no reason. Now you just speaking for all of us? Whoes leeching. You got yourself a.. Nah! Something special about this flow. I had to come back on this one. Dogs bark, bitches talk, you aint a G, without a rumor! I dont know but im worried about this boomer. Lets talk about scheming 16's, Book a flight, Lets talk about the diss you deleted overnight. Its a funny type of man what you do with your hands. The shit we do for fame and the shit you do with little girls. The shit we do for name. And the shit you didnt plan. You can take it to grave till the shit hits the fan. What type of man creeps with his friends girl. When they say, they sleeping on ya, new meanings for your words. We can go and ask Brock how you put your friends first. Oh you just slipped and your dick fell inside of her? Im not being mean with this, im sorry your a piece of shit. I know you gotta feed yourself. But you the one who heated this and me I would rather plead the 5th. But I dont even dig deep and look what I found shit. This aint the body "count", im expecting from this fuck boy wrapper. I just hope you brought some "Protection". When he says "Dont test him".. Nah. How can you "Erect" your home wrecking but you "Soft". Ok so I have privilege. But you abuse power, Is it lust you devour? We dont need to go far to know Gina hates white rappers. Aint it funny. Whats around you in the Free World. Calling me corny when you literally from the corn fields. You really harassing. Take a look around, how you claiming the Culture is you? Damn John, I know killers and robbers. Who you harming, out on your patch its tractors and farmers. Boy you harmless. Its on your arms still. From Lincoln getting killed in the booth, You not "John" Wilkes. Ok claim Nigeria, when you aint never even been there. You aint no murderer and you aint no Yoruba. Just stay inside your Village Boy. Fiddle with your little toy. Go and touch grass or get destroyed. Fuck being a better rapper, honestly John just go be a better man. Get a plan, sign that prenupt, go and settle with your friends. Still want Smoke? You a bad boy. Cause I might be white and look like Bieber but you still cant outrap me. Dont fuck with me Danny. I aint sharing a bond. But if the shoe fits then it fits on this bitch wearing John.
2024.05.22 12:19 BaconIsLife707 Power Rankings - Best Players and Performances of MCC35
 | What do you mean this post is late, it's still December, season 4 won't start for ages. submitted by BaconIsLife707 to MinecraftChampionship [link] [comments] Below are some alternate ways to rank players' performances in the MCC Party games which you may find interesting to see. We also use these rankings for our overall power rankings and they hope to limit the influence of a strongeweaker team on an individual's score/ranking as well as accounting for the fact that some games are more influential than others on the individual leaderboard. Huge shout out for , , jarvig0231 (discord), and for working with me in compiling all the power ranking stats for MCC Party. https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1aPTl9biMOVKqhbEcdFEtK9N_93KmiaMIpjpB2oaWQXM/edit#gid=1667241475
Rocket Spleef RushBy the average number of players outplaced plus the average number of kills per round.
Ace RaceBy average lap time (in seconds) which is essentially their placement
Grid RunnersBy comparing the difference of a player's teammates' GR score in the past 5 MCCs and their team's score to determine the player's 'impact' to their team's GR performances. A player's GR score is calculated by their average placement in each room, with a 1st place finish getting 10 points, 2nd place finish getting 9 points, down to a no completion getting 0 points
Bingo But FastBy the amount of coins the player earned with the challenges they completed, with a boost if their team performed better
Battle BoxBy number of kills multiplied by percentage kill contribution for their team, where each round win is considered 1/3 of a kill
Parkour WarriorScored by the amount of coins they would add to their teams assuming they had 3 exactly average teammates
Sands of TimeBy average coins earned per minute (including 80% of coins lost to deaths/trapped in and including only 20% of vaults collected), with sand keepers getting a 25% boost in score to emulate comparable scores to the runners. Scores are also adjusted so teams that stay in longer have their scores boosted
MeltdownSummation of a player's kill score and survival score with a few balancing adjustments. A player's kill score is calculated by the player's number of kills multiplied by their percentage kilcontribution for their team. Opening a crate is considered as a tenth of a kill in this calculation. A player's survival score is calculated by the number of players out-survived (adjusted for teammate and own freezes) multiplied by the percentage of players out-survived in comparison to their teammates.
Top 20 MCC35 Player Performances (Z-Score Impact Rankings)These rankings are calculated by a player's average z-score across every game which values if a player was extremely dominant in a game or not, like Smajor1995 in Bingo for example getting the highest impact z-score of 2.55. (in brackets is the variation from their actual placement)
Best Game Performances of MCC 35Calculated by the z-score of the game performances, these are the top 20 performances of MCC35
Overall MCC35 Power Rankings Spreadsheethttps://preview.redd.it/a11e48vbdy1d1.png?width=1041&format=png&auto=webp&s=bbf0d1d5c75d934d6054de308069de08301dd120Player Shout OutsOk I'll be real I don't really remember this event well enough to do this properly so just a couple of quick ones.PeteZahHutt for his sixth 1st individual in power rankings and his first since MCC14, including the best ace race performance ever, which is also the 9th best game performance ever. Smajor1995 for his Bingo But Fast performance, which is the 8th best game performance of all time. Ryguyrocky for being the biggest riser compared to his event placement, jumping 12 spots all the way up to 13th, while also not having a single below average game performance. Purpled for jumping 8 spots all the way to 2nd, suggesting his 'underperformance' this event actually wasn't an underperformance at all. Similarly, Jojosolos made a big jump up to 3rd. ConclusionIf you're interested you can see the other power ranking related posts for past MCCs with the links below, or if you want to have a closer look at the full spreadsheet that's here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1aPTl9biMOVKqhbEcdFEtK9N_93KmiaMIpjpB2oaWQXM/edit?usp=sharingOr if you want to check out the predictor that's here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1IKSEccsTrqGqqGWkJPxqk2JTw651DFAxvBDv8Be2iCI/edit#gid=897443852 Top 10 Power Rankings in each MCC MCC33 MCC32 MCC31 MCC30 MCC29 MCC28 MCC27 MCC26 MCC25 MCC24 MCC23 MCCP21 MCCP22 MCC22 MCC21 MCC20 MCC19 MCCAS MCC18 MCC17 MCC16 MCC15 Overall Power Rankings after each MCC MCC32 MCC31 MCC30 MCC29 MCC26 MCC25 MCC24 MCC23 MCC22 MCC21 MCC20 MCC19 MCC18 MCC17 MCC16 (+tierlist) MCC15 MCC14 Season 1 MCC Power Ranking Predictions + Analysis MCC34 MCC33 MCC32 MCC31 MCC30 MCC29 MCC28 MCC26 MCC25 MCC24 MCC23 MCC Pride 22 MCC20 MCC19 MCCAS Other Season 1A Power Rankings Predictor Release/Tutorial SG Damage SB Damage Best players of Season 2 so far Power Rankings Ranking Systems Update (December) MCC Elevator Podcast Luck-adjusted Sky Battle Scoring Update Season 2 PVP Awards Season 2 Movement Awards Season 2 Team Game Awards Season 2 Overall Awards |
2024.05.22 10:51 mcheeks619 The Northern Offensive of May 1922 was Michael Collins’ plan to end partition.
By Patrick Concannon
As we enter the next few years of commemoration they will be dominated by huge historical events like the Government of Ireland Act which partitioned Ireland and set up the Northern Ireland state, the War of Independence- a bloody and clandestine conflict which led to the deaths of around 1800 people and the Irish Civil war which set brother against brother costing the lives of 1500-2000. [1] In the midst of all this will be an anniversary which will pass with little fanfare and even less public awareness
The Northern Offensive of May 1922 was Michael Collins’ plan to end partition.
That event was known as the ‘Northern Offensive’ and is still so shrouded in mystery and intrigue that it is difficult to unravel. Its instigator was none other than the Provisional Government leader and (from June 1922) National Army Commander in Chief, Michael Collins. He enlisted the help of the anti-Treaty IRA and its leader Liam Lynch in these endeavours.
This offensive; the culmination of a series of complex events; ended in the complete failure of the operation and the eventual defeat of the Northern IRA.
Background
The seeds of the offensive lie in fallout from the Anglo-Irish Treaty, which split the Republican movement in two. The Dail, on 7th January 1922 passed the Treaty by 64 votes to 57, essentially dissolving the Republic declared in 1919.
Almost immediately after the Treaty was accepted, Michael Collins began recruiting from Pro-treaty IRA units to form the National Army of the Provisional Government. The heads of that Government were to be Arthur Griffith and Michael Collins.
In the meantime the violence in Northern Ireland began to increase as partition became permanent and security powers had been transferred to the Northern Ireland government. As Roger McCorley IRA Commander in Belfast stated sardonically in his Bureau of Military History statement, “the truce in Belfast lasted 6 hours, the pogroms lasted two years”. [2]
“The truce in Belfast lasted 6 hours, the pogroms lasted two years”. Roger McCorley
In the midst of this continued conflict in the north, Michael Collins and Sir James Craig met in London in an attempt to find some sort of solution to the violence. Thousands of Catholics had been evicted from their jobs at the Shipyards, the IRA had begun to resume actions and the Provisional Government was still advocating the Belfast Boycott which was having an adverse effect on Northern mainly Unionist businesses.
The Collins/Craig pact was signed on 23rd January 1922 in an attempt to deal with these issues. It agreed to the ending of the Boycott and the reinstatement of Catholic workers to the shipyards.[3] However the pact was not sufficient to secure peace and in the month that followed violence continued to escalate, mostly in Belfast. One incident in particular soured relationships between North and South considerably.
The Clones Affray
Ulster Special Constabulary.
On 11th February 1922 a group of Ulster Special Constables (Northern Ireland’s armed auxiliary police force) were making the journey from Belfast to Enniskillen as part of a group which was to reinforce the border patrols in the area.
Bridges had been blown up and minor roads trenched or mined after the IRA had conducted a cross border raid kidnapping forty Loyalists.
This was itself in retaliation for the Northern authorities’ arrest of five IRA men in Derry, ostensibly travelling as part of a GAA team taking part in the Ulster final, but in reality involved in a reconnaissance mission on Derry Gaol where three other IRA men faced the death penalty.
Twelve Ulster Special Constables were shot and four killed in a fire fight at Clones train station.
The route chosen by the A-Special’s was in hindsight, clumsy at best. They arrived at Clones, in southern territory, and had to wait on another train to get them to their destination. Six of the Specials disembarked and remained on the platform whilst the others headed for the buffet.
In the meantime the local IRA had been alerted and Matt Fitzpatrick, their commandant, made his way with others to the train station. There, they called on the Specials to surrender but the latter opened fire in response and Fitzpatrick was shot dead. The other IRA men opened fire with Thompson sub machine guns on the Specials crowded on the platform and in the carriages.
In the brief fire fight which ensued, twelve Specials were shot, four killed and eight others injured along with several civilians.
The incident almost set off a huge confrontation between North and South, which was eventually calmed only when the British Government sent three British Army battalions to the border to assuage the concerns of Northern Ireland premier Sir James Craig and the IRA prisoners were set free, followed by the 26 captured Loyalists.[4]
The North Deteriorates
Meanwhile in the North violence had continued at a steady pace. The Belfast IRA were particularly active at this time and the border areas were still extremely volatile.
The most infamous murders of the conflict in Northern Ireland were committed on 24th March 1922 when the Catholic McMahon family and the barman employed by them were brutally murdered by an RIC/Specials gang led by District Inspector Nixon operating out of the notorious Brown Square Barracks on the Shankill Road.
Eight men, including all the male members of the McMahon family, who were not affiliated with Republican politics, were shot altogether and six were to die. Upwards of 10,000 people attended their funerals. Michael Collins led calls for an independent investigation into the incident but this was rejected by Craig.[5]
Over 200 people were killed in violence in Belfast in the first half of 1922
Despite this Collins and Craig would meet again on 31st March in order to try and calm the situation.[6] An agreement was reached but within 24 hours a mixed gang of RIC and Specials led by Nixon again had, in response to the IRA shooting of policeman, rampaged through Arnon Street, breaking into Catholic owned houses and killing any men they found there.
A newly widowed elderly man who had just buried his wife was shot dead as were others, but the most callous and brutal treatment was meted out to Joseph Walsh, a Great War veteran, who was bludgeoned to death with a sledgehammer whilst lying in bed with his 7 year old son. The latter was also shot and later died of his wounds. Walsh’s two year old daughter survived as did his 15 year old son who had been shot in the thigh.[7]
The Provisional Government under Pressure
Two weeks later Rory O’Connor led 200 anti-Treaty IRA fighters in taking over the Four Courts in central Dublin, in defiance of the Provisional Government. That followed an IRA convention in March were the majority of the IRA delegates had repudiated the right of the Dáil to dissolve the Republic. Things were rapidly moving out of control for Collins and the Provisional Government.
With this in mind, Collins, whose Provisional Government was under pressure from anti-Treaty elements, decided that an attack on Northern Ireland and the possibility of ending partition could be the move that would unite the two IRA factions.
The Northern Offensive was conceived as a means to heal the Treaty split in the IRA
In January 1922 minutes of cabinet meetings show the Provisional Government was happy to assist nationalist controlled county councils inside Northern Ireland who refused to recognise the new state and teachers who also took such action. In fact for a time the Provisional Government paid their wages as far as was possible.
More significant was that Eoin O’Duffy, with Michael Collins blessing, had set up the secretive Ulster Council (under the IRB auspices) whose remit was to co-ordinate IRA activity in Northern Ireland. Its chairman was to be future Tánaiste Frank Aiken.
The council included the anti-Treaty commanders of the 2nd Northern and 3rd Northern divisions, Charlie Daly and Joe McKelvey respectively. The 4th Northern division was represented by it commander Frank Aiken, who was neutral on the Treaty and the council also included 1st and 5th Northern division commanders, pro-Treatyites Joe Sweeney and Dan Hogan.
Charlie Daly
In April 1922, talks began to take place between high ranking members on both sides of the Treaty split. It was agreed that an attack on Northern Ireland would be an acceptable action but the Provisional Government and Collins had a problem. The Northern IRA was not sufficiently well armed to conduct the actions laid out in the plan.
Any weapons sent North could not be allowed to be traced back to the Provisional Government. A compromise was reached where the anti-treaty IRA would send weapons North and have those weapons replaced by Provisional Government arms supplied by the British. According to John McCoy of South Armagh in his BMH statement,
“all the Old IRA arms which had been used during the Tan campaign were collected in the south and handed to volunteers in the North. An issue of arms handed out by the British under the treaty terms would replace them”.[8]
There was also a steady stream of southern fighters making their way North in what seemed to be a fairly large scale operation. According to Michael O’Donoghue, Engineer Cork 1 Brigade IRA:
“fully equipped flying columns were also being sent up from Tipperary and from other Southern Divisions to reinforce the Ulster volunteers and sustain the attacks planned on a large scale”. [9]
Sean Lehane was appointed O/C of a new force comprising the 1st and 2nd Northern Dvisions. Lehane from Cork was to be assisted by a Kerryman, Charlie Daly.[10] Daly had been the commander of the 2nd Northern Division from early 1921 and knew the area well.
He had aired his anti-Treaty views in January 1922 and found himself replaced by Tom Morris as Commander in February. He made an impassioned defence of the accusations against him, namely that he had mismanaged the division and he was eventually brought back into the fold as Lehane’s second in command. Most of the southern men sent north were based along the border in Donegal with this unit.
O’Donoghue related a story about the build up to the offensive and the small scale actions the IRA in the Donegal/Derry area perpetrated in April including:
“One notable “stunt” which we successfully carried out was the capture of a whole train load of petrol going to the 165th Infantry Brigade of the British Army in Derry, coming from British Army G.H.Q. in Dublin. Sixteen thousand gallons of petrol was the amount of the seizure.” [11]
The date set for the planned offensive was May 1922. The leader and man behind the offensive’s plans seem to have been Eoin O’Duffy, Chief of Staff of the Pro-treaty forces. In a Department of Defence Memo in 1927 it was indicated that all operations reports were given to him directly at Beggar’s Bush Barracks in Dublin.[12]
It also suggested he would co-ordinate attacks once the offensive was launched. The offensive was to be a massive undertaking. It would, notionally, culminate in an advance on Belfast itself. All Northern units were instructed to take part and to hold out for as long as possible in anticipation of almost simultaneous Southern support from across the border. However things did not go to plan.
The Offensive begins
It was decided that the start of May would see a general upsurge in IRA activity before the offensive would become a six-county-wide uprising.
However the 3rd Northern Division in Belfast was not sufficiently well armed and encountered difficulty when an oil tanker transferring weapons and other supplies North broke down in transit. It left them in a serious situation and they felt obliged to contact O’Duffy. McCorley related:
“ We were now faced with the difficulty of having the whole operation postponed since Belfast would be abort of Its supplies. We eventually got in touch with General Duffy in Beggars Bush Barracks and conveyed our difficulty to him and asked him to agree to our getting in touch with the other Northern Divisions and having the operation called off for a period of three days.
We did get in touch with the other Divisions but the 2nd Northern Division said that it would be impossible for them to cancel the operation since final orders had been issued. The officer with whom contact was made in the 2nd Northern Division was the Vice-Commandant of that Unit, Daniel McKenna. In all the other areas the operation was called off and we understood that they would go into action on the 22nd May.” [13]
The 2nd Northern Division, in counties Derry Tyrone and Fermanagh, duly opened the offensive on 2nd May with attacks in Bellaghy, Draperstown and Coalisland. Four Ulster Special Constables (USC) men were shot with one killed in Bellaghy and the USC barracks in Cookstown and Ballyronan in County Derry were attacked with four constables being killed.[14]
The offensive began with attacks across west Ulster in Derry, Tyrone and Fermanagh.
Other actions included blowing up bridges and cutting of telegraph wires throughout the county. In Derry City the IRA attacked checkpoints at Buncrana Road manned by the USC and British Army.[15]
On 8th May eight or nine IRA men called to the house of Samuel Milligan a teenage member of the B-Specials in Castlecaufield, Tyrone and shot him. Milligan would die of the wounds received in this attack. B-Special and Loyalist retribution for the orgy of violence of the first week in May was swift and brutal.
On Thursday the 11th of May 1922 a group of armed men attacked the home of the McKeown family who lived in Ballymulderg near Magherafelt County Derry. At 2.30am a group of armed and masked men surrounded the small cottage, three men entered and the males were demanded to enter the kitchen.
Mrs. McKeown lived in the cottage with her three sons. James McKeown was the first to enter the kitchen and was met by a hail of bullets. Volleys were fired at the other 2 sons Thomas and Francis, both were severely wounded Francis received sixteen bullet wounds. All were innocent and not involved in any activity although a brother Harry was a prominent IRA member in the area.
Republican Infighting in Donegal
Pro-Treaty or National Army troops.
The 2nd Northern Division, in west Ulster, was, however isolated and stripped of the expected aid from across the border, as pro and anti-Treaty elements of the 1st Northern Division, in County Donegal, became embroiled in lethal violence with each other.
This hostility between the Divisions occurred mainly because the anti-Treaty volunteers, led by Munster men Sean Lehane and Charlie Daly, were largely from outside Donegal whilst the pro-Treaty forces, led by Joe Sweeney were comprised mainly of local Donegal units.
Instead of assisting the Northern Offensive pro and anti Treaty forces in Donegal came to blows with each other.
This friction eventually came to a head, when during a bank robbery by anti-Treaty forces in Buncrana Co. Donegal on 4th May they became embroiled in a shoot- out with Provisional Government troops who arrived to investigate. A girl aged 9 and a teenage girl of 18 were shot, later dying of their wounds. Both were innocent bystanders.
Later that day anti-Treaty forces attacked a pro-Treaty force in NewtonCunningham, a small village in Donegal about 8 miles from Derry. The pro-Treaty force was part of a 50 strong convoy driving to Buncrana after receiving reports of fighting in the area. Who started the shooting is disputed, however, as the Provisional Government troops passed through NewtonCunningham, Charlie Daly and Sean Lehane’s men opened fire on them, killing four pro-Treaty soldiers and wounding two others.[16]
Rather than marking a concerted effort against Northern Ireland, the May events in Donegal in many ways were the first shots of the Irish Civil War there. Charlie Daly would later be executed at Drumboe, in March 1923, with three others by Free State forces towards the end of the Civil War.
Operations in Belfast
Belfast IRA leaders Roger McCorley and Tom Fitzpatrick
Meanwhile in eastern Ulster, the 3rd Northern Division eventually sprang into action on 17th May with an attack on RIC Musgrave barracks. Constable John Collins was shot dead after the raiders had gained entry but fled empty handed when the Garrison began to rouse.
According to Roger McCorley:
“If this operation had been successful we would have gained possession of a number of armoured cars and about 250 rifles, together with a large amount of weaponry.”
The IRA had actually come extremely close to pulling off what would have been a major coup and propaganda success as McCorley continued:
“The plan of attack on Musgrave Barracks was worked out in great detail and only for one unfortunate incident would have been a great success since our people had effected an entry into the Barracks and had actually captured the main room. The cause of the failure was due to the fact that a member of the main guard on the Barracks was able to fire a shot which gave the alarm. On the Buildings surrounding the Barracks proper a number of machine gun posts had been placed and when the shot was fired these posts opened fire. Patrols outside the Barracks also opened fire through the gates of the Barracks and since we had only twenty-two men engaged in the whole operation we had to retire”. [17]
The IRA in Belfast raided Musgrave police barracks and embarked on an arson campaign against the city’s commercial premises.
The following night the Belfast IRA began attacks on commercial property that would continue for almost a month. Over eight-six premises were attacked and these arson attacks on mostly Unionist property would eventually lead to “three million pounds worth of damage”.[18]
Communal violence continued amongst the IRA offensive unabated with daily killings. One killing however would stand out. Unionist Member of Parliament William Twaddell was shot dead by the IRA on 20th May as he was walking to his business premises in North Street. His death signalled a crackdown on the IRA in Northern Ireland.
The Special Powers Act had been passed in April and now the Northern Ireland Government took full advantage of it. Internment was swiftly introduced many hundreds of suspects arrested and interned.
Frank Aiken and the Fourth Northern Division
While the 2nd and 3rd Northern Divisions had both seen action in May it was expected that the 4th Northern, based in Dundalk and composed of units from counties Armagh, Down and Louth, would soon join the action.
They had been particularly active in the border area and from April had occupied Dundalk barracks following the evacuation of its British garrison.
However the 19th May came and the 4th Northern did not enter into action. Debate has raged ever since as to why this occurred. Three other counties supposed to take part in the Rising also seem to have taken cold feet or received cancellation orders.
Aiken’s Fourth Northern Division, the best armed and most experience of the border units took no part in the offensive.
Patrick J Casey, admittedly a less than impartial witness, but who was IRA Commandant in Down, received a message stating that Frank Aiken wished to see him in Dundalk. Unhappy at this due to the large amount of planning still necessary for the offensive in the 4th Northern area he reluctantly made his way south. There he met Aiken in Dundalk barracks where he states the following occurred:
“I returned to Dundalk that evening as directed and I saw Frank Aiken. I asked him what was the position and he replied that our Division was taking no part in the rising, but that there was no cancellation so far as the remainder of the NORTHERN counties was concerned. He gave as his reason the fact that the Armagh Brigade was not fully equipped and for that reason he felt justified in withdrawing his Division from action.
I pointed out that the South Down Brigade was fully armed and that we should be permitted to take our part. He was, however, adamant and his orders were paramount. I told him also that our failure (Armagh and South Down) would mean, if nothing else, increased concentration of enemy forces in the other northern counties, but this aspect of things did not appear to interest him.
On the following morning the rising in the rest of the six County area did take place and was quickly suppressed with considerable loss of life and arms on our part. I could never understand Aiken’s real motive in not fighting his Division on this important occasion.”[19]
John McCoy could not shed much light on what had occurred in his BMH statement but he did offer this:
“I am not in a position to define exactly how this muddle of the orders cancelling the rising occurred. I believe that in the case of the 3rd Northern Division the fault lay with the pro-Treaty headquarters in not providing alternative means of notification which would ensure the order arriving by at least one route.” [20]
However in later interviews with Ernie O’Malley McCoy gave a very different account. In it he claimed there had been a countermanding order issued:
‘Men from the south were to come up, but it was called before the civil war.’… ‘Frank Aiken asked me to go down to the Brigade Adjutant in Armagh and call it off’. [21]
It seems then that Aiken had received cancellation orders at the last moment from GHQ in Beggar’s Bush. A subsequent Free State memo seems to confirm that orders to stand down may actually have been conveyed to the divisions prepared to go into action around the border:
“It should be mentioned that in connection with these operations a decision appears to have been taken that there would be no fighting on the border or around it- which decision meant there would no offensive operations carried out by the 1st Northern or 1st Midland or 5th Northern Divisions”. [22]
The Pettigo-Belleek affair
Why Aiken and his men did not take part in the offensive remains an open question. However it meant that the 3rd Northern Division were now badly isolated as the only division conducting large scale attacks. RIC barracks were attacked but soon the situation would become desperate as Internment forced many IRA men to go south on the run.
However events in Fermanagh did draw some reinforcements away from the Belfast area. The USC provoked a confrontation with pro and anti- Treaty forces which had been amassing on the southern side of the border in Pettigo which was partially in Free State territory and bordered the Northern Ireland village of Belleek.
The massing of these forces had raised Unionist fears and the USC, commanded in the area by future Prime Minister of Northern Ireland, Sir Basil Brooke, was determined to flex its muscles. The USC engaged in a fierce fire-fight with the Irish forces in Pettigo before being pushed back with heavy losses and forced to retreat. The Pro and anti-Treaty forces would pursue them and eventually occupy Belleek on the Northern side of the border.
Pro and anti Treaty IRA units fought fierce battles with the Ulster Specials and regular British forces around Pettigo.
There, the IRA force would hold out for a week before being forced to retreat back across the border by several battalions of regular British troops supported by artillery called in by Churchill. It was the largest confrontation between Republicans and the British since 1916, but eventually the IRA retreated with 7 of their mixed force dead.[23]
Collins was unhappy at the fighting there and sent an accusatory telegram to Joe Sweeney who commanded the pro-Treaty forces in the area. Sweeney had reported back that, “it wasn’t our fault at all” and stated that they had only been responding to aggression from the Special Constabulary.[24] However the actions had been an embarrassment to the Provisional Government, which did not want open confrontations with British forces
Aftermath
The Northern Offensive had been a calamity. Cancellation orders had spread confusion as they had in 1916 which meant that the Northern units had been isolated at critical moments. The IRA now faced some serious issues in Belfast as described by Seamus Woods O/C of the 3rd Northern Division GHQ :
“The enemy are continually raiding and arresting: the heavy sentences and flogging making the civilians very loath to keep wanted men. The officers are feeling their position very keenly”.[25]
Eventually most of the Belfast IRA men would make their way south to the Curragh to await further instructions which never came. Most eventually joined the Free State’s National Army.
The 2nd Northern Division faced similar issues as Internment in particular took its toll on the units around Derry and Tyrone. The civil war would effectively decimate the force.
The Northern offensive was calamity and ended with most Northern IRA men being interned in the North or fleeing south.
The Provisional Government at the start of June had settled upon a policy of “peaceful obstruction… and no troops from the twenty- six counties either official or attached to the executive [anti-Treaty] should be permitted to invade the six county area”.[26]
Interestingly, however and paradoxically Michael Collins was still thinking in term of military action in the North right up until the end of July 1922. What exactly Collins envisaged is hard to say as the Provisional Government had obviously settled upon a very different policy. Collins wrote on 26th July,
: ‘we now have a force that means something in future dealings with Britain and the North East … The present fight [The Civil War] is only training for our troops, it gives our soldiers confidence’. [27]
Three days later he also wrote, after the British Army had shot two civilians at a checkpoint in Armagh:
‘I am forced to the conclusion that we may yet have to fight the British in the North East.’[28]
What plans he had exactly we will never know as three weeks later he was dead, killed in an ambush in County Cork, and with him any future belligerent government policy towards the North East.
The 4th Northern Division led by Aiken defied the policy of the Provisional Government, by continuing to raid into the North. Following the murder of two innocent Catholics and a sexual assault of a woman known well to Frank Aiken, by the Special Constabulary, around 30 men from the 4th Northern left Dundalk barracks to launch an attack on the isolated townland of Altnaveigh. Six innocent Protestants were shot dead in this attack, one of them a woman. Over a dozen premises were burned down or bombed. It was one of the most notorious events of the whole period.[29]
Patrick Casey in his BMH statement stated: “I remember my feeling was one of horror when I heard the details. Nothing could justify this holocaust of unfortunate Protestants”. [30]
Conclusion
Why was the Northern Offensive such a dismal failure? Collins appeared to be attempting a Tet Offensive type situation which would lead to the collapse of the Northern state whilst securing the unity of the Republican movement. However he appears to have called off his own plan.
Did the Provisional Government simply get cold feet at the last moment?
It may be that Collins was using the offensive in an attempt to prevent the split in the IRA erupting into open warfare rather than any genuine attempt at ending partition
It is difficult to say definitively, although the plan of a conventional advance on Belfast was very ambitious and it may be that Collins and other pro-Treaty figures were simply using the offensive cynically in an attempt to prevent the split in the IRA erupting into open warfare rather than any genuine attempt at ending partition.
It may be significant that none of the IRA Northern Divisions based in the prospective Free State, the 1st, 4th and the 5th Northern Divisions, took an active part in the offensive.
However the truth may not be so Machiavellian. Diplomacy with the Northern Government had been attempted in January and March with the Collins/Craig pacts but events seemed to move ahead of the Provisional Government who struggled to keep up.
The split in the IRA had led to two rival factions and Collins was only able to gain the confidence of the Northern Divisions (particularly the 3rd Northern) with support guaranteed in fighting the Northern state. It may be the case that Collins was playing for time.
Or it may be the case that Collins had a mixture of motives and was just moving from one policy to another as circumstances dictated.
As it was partition had been strengthened and the Nationalist population would find themselves in a consolidated Northern Ireland state, whose unionist-dominated government at Stormont would become renowned for discrimination and gerrymandering against the Catholic and nationalist minority.[31]
It would be 50 years before Republicans would challenge the state again in a significant way with Provisional IRA violence and a communal conflict spiralling out of control eventually forcing the suspension of the Stormont Government in 1972.
The Provisionals’ campaign would continue for another twenty-five years. Surprisingly perhaps, not all of those IRA members who had fought the infant Northern state in 1922 supported the new campaign. Speaking to Robert Kee for his History of Ireland documentary which aired in 1980, of the Provisionals’ campaign, Roger McCorley would say: “This thing, I cannot stand it. I have no sympathy with it in any shape nor form’.
It seemed for him and for Patrick Casey the failure of the Northern Offensive had led to the end of the fight for Ulster. As Casey would lament:
“and so petered out this latest, and maybe the last, rising in the Ulster area.” [32
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As we enter the next few years of commemoration they will be dominated by huge historical events like the Government of Ireland Act which partitioned Ireland and set up the Northern Ireland state, the War of Independence- a bloody and clandestine conflict which led to the deaths of around 1800 people and the Irish Civil war which set brother against brother costing the lives of 1500-2000. [1] In the midst of all this will be an anniversary which will pass with little fanfare and even less public awareness
The Northern Offensive of May 1922 was Michael Collins’ plan to end partition.
That event was known as the ‘Northern Offensive’ and is still so shrouded in mystery and intrigue that it is difficult to unravel. Its instigator was none other than the Provisional Government leader and (from June 1922) National Army Commander in Chief, Michael Collins. He enlisted the help of the anti-Treaty IRA and its leader Liam Lynch in these endeavours.
This offensive; the culmination of a series of complex events; ended in the complete failure of the operation and the eventual defeat of the Northern IRA.
Background
The seeds of the offensive lie in fallout from the Anglo-Irish Treaty, which split the Republican movement in two. The Dail, on 7th January 1922 passed the Treaty by 64 votes to 57, essentially dissolving the Republic declared in 1919.
Almost immediately after the Treaty was accepted, Michael Collins began recruiting from Pro-treaty IRA units to form the National Army of the Provisional Government. The heads of that Government were to be Arthur Griffith and Michael Collins.
In the meantime the violence in Northern Ireland began to increase as partition became permanent and security powers had been transferred to the Northern Ireland government. As Roger McCorley IRA Commander in Belfast stated sardonically in his Bureau of Military History statement, “the truce in Belfast lasted 6 hours, the pogroms lasted two years”. [2]
“The truce in Belfast lasted 6 hours, the pogroms lasted two years”. Roger McCorley
In the midst of this continued conflict in the north, Michael Collins and Sir James Craig met in London in an attempt to find some sort of solution to the violence. Thousands of Catholics had been evicted from their jobs at the Shipyards, the IRA had begun to resume actions and the Provisional Government was still advocating the Belfast Boycott which was having an adverse effect on Northern mainly Unionist businesses.
The Collins/Craig pact was signed on 23rd January 1922 in an attempt to deal with these issues. It agreed to the ending of the Boycott and the reinstatement of Catholic workers to the shipyards.[3] However the pact was not sufficient to secure peace and in the month that followed violence continued to escalate, mostly in Belfast. One incident in particular soured relationships between North and South considerably.
The Clones Affray
Ulster Special Constabulary.
On 11th February 1922 a group of Ulster Special Constables (Northern Ireland’s armed auxiliary police force) were making the journey from Belfast to Enniskillen as part of a group which was to reinforce the border patrols in the area.
Bridges had been blown up and minor roads trenched or mined after the IRA had conducted a cross border raid kidnapping forty Loyalists.
This was itself in retaliation for the Northern authorities’ arrest of five IRA men in Derry, ostensibly travelling as part of a GAA team taking part in the Ulster final, but in reality involved in a reconnaissance mission on Derry Gaol where three other IRA men faced the death penalty.
Twelve Ulster Special Constables were shot and four killed in a fire fight at Clones train station.
The route chosen by the A-Special’s was in hindsight, clumsy at best. They arrived at Clones, in southern territory, and had to wait on another train to get them to their destination. Six of the Specials disembarked and remained on the platform whilst the others headed for the buffet.
In the meantime the local IRA had been alerted and Matt Fitzpatrick, their commandant, made his way with others to the train station. There, they called on the Specials to surrender but the latter opened fire in response and Fitzpatrick was shot dead. The other IRA men opened fire with Thompson sub machine guns on the Specials crowded on the platform and in the carriages.
In the brief fire fight which ensued, twelve Specials were shot, four killed and eight others injured along with several civilians.
The incident almost set off a huge confrontation between North and South, which was eventually calmed only when the British Government sent three British Army battalions to the border to assuage the concerns of Northern Ireland premier Sir James Craig and the IRA prisoners were set free, followed by the 26 captured Loyalists.[4]
The North Deteriorates
Meanwhile in the North violence had continued at a steady pace. The Belfast IRA were particularly active at this time and the border areas were still extremely volatile.
The most infamous murders of the conflict in Northern Ireland were committed on 24th March 1922 when the Catholic McMahon family and the barman employed by them were brutally murdered by an RIC/Specials gang led by District Inspector Nixon operating out of the notorious Brown Square Barracks on the Shankill Road.
Eight men, including all the male members of the McMahon family, who were not affiliated with Republican politics, were shot altogether and six were to die. Upwards of 10,000 people attended their funerals. Michael Collins led calls for an independent investigation into the incident but this was rejected by Craig.[5]
Over 200 people were killed in violence in Belfast in the first half of 1922
Despite this Collins and Craig would meet again on 31st March in order to try and calm the situation.[6] An agreement was reached but within 24 hours a mixed gang of RIC and Specials led by Nixon again had, in response to the IRA shooting of policeman, rampaged through Arnon Street, breaking into Catholic owned houses and killing any men they found there.
A newly widowed elderly man who had just buried his wife was shot dead as were others, but the most callous and brutal treatment was meted out to Joseph Walsh, a Great War veteran, who was bludgeoned to death with a sledgehammer whilst lying in bed with his 7 year old son. The latter was also shot and later died of his wounds. Walsh’s two year old daughter survived as did his 15 year old son who had been shot in the thigh.[7]
The Provisional Government under Pressure
Two weeks later Rory O’Connor led 200 anti-Treaty IRA fighters in taking over the Four Courts in central Dublin, in defiance of the Provisional Government. That followed an IRA convention in March were the majority of the IRA delegates had repudiated the right of the Dáil to dissolve the Republic. Things were rapidly moving out of control for Collins and the Provisional Government.
With this in mind, Collins, whose Provisional Government was under pressure from anti-Treaty elements, decided that an attack on Northern Ireland and the possibility of ending partition could be the move that would unite the two IRA factions.
The Northern Offensive was conceived as a means to heal the Treaty split in the IRA
In January 1922 minutes of cabinet meetings show the Provisional Government was happy to assist nationalist controlled county councils inside Northern Ireland who refused to recognise the new state and teachers who also took such action. In fact for a time the Provisional Government paid their wages as far as was possible.
More significant was that Eoin O’Duffy, with Michael Collins blessing, had set up the secretive Ulster Council (under the IRB auspices) whose remit was to co-ordinate IRA activity in Northern Ireland. Its chairman was to be future Tánaiste Frank Aiken.
The council included the anti-Treaty commanders of the 2nd Northern and 3rd Northern divisions, Charlie Daly and Joe McKelvey respectively. The 4th Northern division was represented by it commander Frank Aiken, who was neutral on the Treaty and the council also included 1st and 5th Northern division commanders, pro-Treatyites Joe Sweeney and Dan Hogan.
Charlie Daly
In April 1922, talks began to take place between high ranking members on both sides of the Treaty split. It was agreed that an attack on Northern Ireland would be an acceptable action but the Provisional Government and Collins had a problem. The Northern IRA was not sufficiently well armed to conduct the actions laid out in the plan.
Any weapons sent North could not be allowed to be traced back to the Provisional Government. A compromise was reached where the anti-treaty IRA would send weapons North and have those weapons replaced by Provisional Government arms supplied by the British. According to John McCoy of South Armagh in his BMH statement,
“all the Old IRA arms which had been used during the Tan campaign were collected in the south and handed to volunteers in the North. An issue of arms handed out by the British under the treaty terms would replace them”.[8]
There was also a steady stream of southern fighters making their way North in what seemed to be a fairly large scale operation. According to Michael O’Donoghue, Engineer Cork 1 Brigade IRA:
“fully equipped flying columns were also being sent up from Tipperary and from other Southern Divisions to reinforce the Ulster volunteers and sustain the attacks planned on a large scale”. [9]
Sean Lehane was appointed O/C of a new force comprising the 1st and 2nd Northern Dvisions. Lehane from Cork was to be assisted by a Kerryman, Charlie Daly.[10] Daly had been the commander of the 2nd Northern Division from early 1921 and knew the area well.
He had aired his anti-Treaty views in January 1922 and found himself replaced by Tom Morris as Commander in February. He made an impassioned defence of the accusations against him, namely that he had mismanaged the division and he was eventually brought back into the fold as Lehane’s second in command. Most of the southern men sent north were based along the border in Donegal with this unit.
O’Donoghue related a story about the build up to the offensive and the small scale actions the IRA in the Donegal/Derry area perpetrated in April including:
“One notable “stunt” which we successfully carried out was the capture of a whole train load of petrol going to the 165th Infantry Brigade of the British Army in Derry, coming from British Army G.H.Q. in Dublin. Sixteen thousand gallons of petrol was the amount of the seizure.” [11]
The date set for the planned offensive was May 1922. The leader and man behind the offensive’s plans seem to have been Eoin O’Duffy, Chief of Staff of the Pro-treaty forces. In a Department of Defence Memo in 1927 it was indicated that all operations reports were given to him directly at Beggar’s Bush Barracks in Dublin.[12]
It also suggested he would co-ordinate attacks once the offensive was launched. The offensive was to be a massive undertaking. It would, notionally, culminate in an advance on Belfast itself. All Northern units were instructed to take part and to hold out for as long as possible in anticipation of almost simultaneous Southern support from across the border. However things did not go to plan.
The Offensive begins
It was decided that the start of May would see a general upsurge in IRA activity before the offensive would become a six-county-wide uprising.
However the 3rd Northern Division in Belfast was not sufficiently well armed and encountered difficulty when an oil tanker transferring weapons and other supplies North broke down in transit. It left them in a serious situation and they felt obliged to contact O’Duffy. McCorley related:
“ We were now faced with the difficulty of having the whole operation postponed since Belfast would be abort of Its supplies. We eventually got in touch with General Duffy in Beggars Bush Barracks and conveyed our difficulty to him and asked him to agree to our getting in touch with the other Northern Divisions and having the operation called off for a period of three days.
We did get in touch with the other Divisions but the 2nd Northern Division said that it would be impossible for them to cancel the operation since final orders had been issued. The officer with whom contact was made in the 2nd Northern Division was the Vice-Commandant of that Unit, Daniel McKenna. In all the other areas the operation was called off and we understood that they would go into action on the 22nd May.” [13]
The 2nd Northern Division, in counties Derry Tyrone and Fermanagh, duly opened the offensive on 2nd May with attacks in Bellaghy, Draperstown and Coalisland. Four Ulster Special Constables (USC) men were shot with one killed in Bellaghy and the USC barracks in Cookstown and Ballyronan in County Derry were attacked with four constables being killed.[14]
The offensive began with attacks across west Ulster in Derry, Tyrone and Fermanagh.
Other actions included blowing up bridges and cutting of telegraph wires throughout the county. In Derry City the IRA attacked checkpoints at Buncrana Road manned by the USC and British Army.[15]
On 8th May eight or nine IRA men called to the house of Samuel Milligan a teenage member of the B-Specials in Castlecaufield, Tyrone and shot him. Milligan would die of the wounds received in this attack. B-Special and Loyalist retribution for the orgy of violence of the first week in May was swift and brutal.
On Thursday the 11th of May 1922 a group of armed men attacked the home of the McKeown family who lived in Ballymulderg near Magherafelt County Derry. At 2.30am a group of armed and masked men surrounded the small cottage, three men entered and the males were demanded to enter the kitchen.
Mrs. McKeown lived in the cottage with her three sons. James McKeown was the first to enter the kitchen and was met by a hail of bullets. Volleys were fired at the other 2 sons Thomas and Francis, both were severely wounded Francis received sixteen bullet wounds. All were innocent and not involved in any activity although a brother Harry was a prominent IRA member in the area.
Republican Infighting in Donegal
Pro-Treaty or National Army troops.
The 2nd Northern Division, in west Ulster, was, however isolated and stripped of the expected aid from across the border, as pro and anti-Treaty elements of the 1st Northern Division, in County Donegal, became embroiled in lethal violence with each other.
This hostility between the Divisions occurred mainly because the anti-Treaty volunteers, led by Munster men Sean Lehane and Charlie Daly, were largely from outside Donegal whilst the pro-Treaty forces, led by Joe Sweeney were comprised mainly of local Donegal units.
Instead of assisting the Northern Offensive pro and anti Treaty forces in Donegal came to blows with each other.
This friction eventually came to a head, when during a bank robbery by anti-Treaty forces in Buncrana Co. Donegal on 4th May they became embroiled in a shoot- out with Provisional Government troops who arrived to investigate. A girl aged 9 and a teenage girl of 18 were shot, later dying of their wounds. Both were innocent bystanders.
Later that day anti-Treaty forces attacked a pro-Treaty force in NewtonCunningham, a small village in Donegal about 8 miles from Derry. The pro-Treaty force was part of a 50 strong convoy driving to Buncrana after receiving reports of fighting in the area. Who started the shooting is disputed, however, as the Provisional Government troops passed through NewtonCunningham, Charlie Daly and Sean Lehane’s men opened fire on them, killing four pro-Treaty soldiers and wounding two others.[16]
Rather than marking a concerted effort against Northern Ireland, the May events in Donegal in many ways were the first shots of the Irish Civil War there. Charlie Daly would later be executed at Drumboe, in March 1923, with three others by Free State forces towards the end of the Civil War.
Operations in Belfast
Belfast IRA leaders Roger McCorley and Tom Fitzpatrick
Meanwhile in eastern Ulster, the 3rd Northern Division eventually sprang into action on 17th May with an attack on RIC Musgrave barracks. Constable John Collins was shot dead after the raiders had gained entry but fled empty handed when the Garrison began to rouse.
According to Roger McCorley:
“If this operation had been successful we would have gained possession of a number of armoured cars and about 250 rifles, together with a large amount of weaponry.”
The IRA had actually come extremely close to pulling off what would have been a major coup and propaganda success as McCorley continued:
“The plan of attack on Musgrave Barracks was worked out in great detail and only for one unfortunate incident would have been a great success since our people had effected an entry into the Barracks and had actually captured the main room. The cause of the failure was due to the fact that a member of the main guard on the Barracks was able to fire a shot which gave the alarm. On the Buildings surrounding the Barracks proper a number of machine gun posts had been placed and when the shot was fired these posts opened fire. Patrols outside the Barracks also opened fire through the gates of the Barracks and since we had only twenty-two men engaged in the whole operation we had to retire”. [17]
The IRA in Belfast raided Musgrave police barracks and embarked on an arson campaign against the city’s commercial premises.
The following night the Belfast IRA began attacks on commercial property that would continue for almost a month. Over eight-six premises were attacked and these arson attacks on mostly Unionist property would eventually lead to “three million pounds worth of damage”.[18]
Communal violence continued amongst the IRA offensive unabated with daily killings. One killing however would stand out. Unionist Member of Parliament William Twaddell was shot dead by the IRA on 20th May as he was walking to his business premises in North Street. His death signalled a crackdown on the IRA in Northern Ireland.
The Special Powers Act had been passed in April and now the Northern Ireland Government took full advantage of it. Internment was swiftly introduced many hundreds of suspects arrested and interned.
Frank Aiken and the Fourth Northern Division
While the 2nd and 3rd Northern Divisions had both seen action in May it was expected that the 4th Northern, based in Dundalk and composed of units from counties Armagh, Down and Louth, would soon join the action.
They had been particularly active in the border area and from April had occupied Dundalk barracks following the evacuation of its British garrison.
However the 19th May came and the 4th Northern did not enter into action. Debate has raged ever since as to why this occurred. Three other counties supposed to take part in the Rising also seem to have taken cold feet or received cancellation orders.
Aiken’s Fourth Northern Division, the best armed and most experience of the border units took no part in the offensive.
Patrick J Casey, admittedly a less than impartial witness, but who was IRA Commandant in Down, received a message stating that Frank Aiken wished to see him in Dundalk. Unhappy at this due to the large amount of planning still necessary for the offensive in the 4th Northern area he reluctantly made his way south. There he met Aiken in Dundalk barracks where he states the following occurred:
“I returned to Dundalk that evening as directed and I saw Frank Aiken. I asked him what was the position and he replied that our Division was taking no part in the rising, but that there was no cancellation so far as the remainder of the NORTHERN counties was concerned. He gave as his reason the fact that the Armagh Brigade was not fully equipped and for that reason he felt justified in withdrawing his Division from action.
I pointed out that the South Down Brigade was fully armed and that we should be permitted to take our part. He was, however, adamant and his orders were paramount. I told him also that our failure (Armagh and South Down) would mean, if nothing else, increased concentration of enemy forces in the other northern counties, but this aspect of things did not appear to interest him.
On the following morning the rising in the rest of the six County area did take place and was quickly suppressed with considerable loss of life and arms on our part. I could never understand Aiken’s real motive in not fighting his Division on this important occasion.”[19]
John McCoy could not shed much light on what had occurred in his BMH statement but he did offer this:
“I am not in a position to define exactly how this muddle of the orders cancelling the rising occurred. I believe that in the case of the 3rd Northern Division the fault lay with the pro-Treaty headquarters in not providing alternative means of notification which would ensure the order arriving by at least one route.” [20]
However in later interviews with Ernie O’Malley McCoy gave a very different account. In it he claimed there had been a countermanding order issued:
‘Men from the south were to come up, but it was called before the civil war.’… ‘Frank Aiken asked me to go down to the Brigade Adjutant in Armagh and call it off’. [21]
It seems then that Aiken had received cancellation orders at the last moment from GHQ in Beggar’s Bush. A subsequent Free State memo seems to confirm that orders to stand down may actually have been conveyed to the divisions prepared to go into action around the border:
“It should be mentioned that in connection with these operations a decision appears to have been taken that there would be no fighting on the border or around it- which decision meant there would no offensive operations carried out by the 1st Northern or 1st Midland or 5th Northern Divisions”. [22]
The Pettigo-Belleek affair
Why Aiken and his men did not take part in the offensive remains an open question. However it meant that the 3rd Northern Division were now badly isolated as the only division conducting large scale attacks. RIC barracks were attacked but soon the situation would become desperate as Internment forced many IRA men to go south on the run.
However events in Fermanagh did draw some reinforcements away from the Belfast area. The USC provoked a confrontation with pro and anti- Treaty forces which had been amassing on the southern side of the border in Pettigo which was partially in Free State territory and bordered the Northern Ireland village of Belleek.
The massing of these forces had raised Unionist fears and the USC, commanded in the area by future Prime Minister of Northern Ireland, Sir Basil Brooke, was determined to flex its muscles. The USC engaged in a fierce fire-fight with the Irish forces in Pettigo before being pushed back with heavy losses and forced to retreat. The Pro and anti-Treaty forces would pursue them and eventually occupy Belleek on the Northern side of the border.
Pro and anti Treaty IRA units fought fierce battles with the Ulster Specials and regular British forces around Pettigo.
There, the IRA force would hold out for a week before being forced to retreat back across the border by several battalions of regular British troops supported by artillery called in by Churchill. It was the largest confrontation between Republicans and the British since 1916, but eventually the IRA retreated with 7 of their mixed force dead.[23]
Collins was unhappy at the fighting there and sent an accusatory telegram to Joe Sweeney who commanded the pro-Treaty forces in the area. Sweeney had reported back that, “it wasn’t our fault at all” and stated that they had only been responding to aggression from the Special Constabulary.[24] However the actions had been an embarrassment to the Provisional Government, which did not want open confrontations with British forces
Aftermath
The Northern Offensive had been a calamity. Cancellation orders had spread confusion as they had in 1916 which meant that the Northern units had been isolated at critical moments. The IRA now faced some serious issues in Belfast as described by Seamus Woods O/C of the 3rd Northern Division GHQ :
“The enemy are continually raiding and arresting: the heavy sentences and flogging making the civilians very loath to keep wanted men. The officers are feeling their position very keenly”.[25]
Eventually most of the Belfast IRA men would make their way south to the Curragh to await further instructions which never came. Most eventually joined the Free State’s National Army.
The 2nd Northern Division faced similar issues as Internment in particular took its toll on the units around Derry and Tyrone. The civil war would effectively decimate the force.
The Northern offensive was calamity and ended with most Northern IRA men being interned in the North or fleeing south.
The Provisional Government at the start of June had settled upon a policy of “peaceful obstruction… and no troops from the twenty- six counties either official or attached to the executive [anti-Treaty] should be permitted to invade the six county area”.[26]
Interestingly, however and paradoxically Michael Collins was still thinking in term of military action in the North right up until the end of July 1922. What exactly Collins envisaged is hard to say as the Provisional Government had obviously settled upon a very different policy. Collins wrote on 26th July,
: ‘we now have a force that means something in future dealings with Britain and the North East … The present fight [The Civil War] is only training for our troops, it gives our soldiers confidence’. [27]
Three days later he also wrote, after the British Army had shot two civilians at a checkpoint in Armagh:
‘I am forced to the conclusion that we may yet have to fight the British in the North East.’[28]
What plans he had exactly we will never know as three weeks later he was dead, killed in an ambush in County Cork, and with him any future belligerent government policy towards the North East.
The 4th Northern Division led by Aiken defied the policy of the Provisional Government, by continuing to raid into the North. Following the murder of two innocent Catholics and a sexual assault of a woman known well to Frank Aiken, by the Special Constabulary, around 30 men from the 4th Northern left Dundalk barracks to launch an attack on the isolated townland of Altnaveigh. Six innocent Protestants were shot dead in this attack, one of them a woman. Over a dozen premises were burned down or bombed. It was one of the most notorious events of the whole period.[29]
Patrick Casey in his BMH statement stated: “I remember my feeling was one of horror when I heard the details. Nothing could justify this holocaust of unfortunate Protestants”. [30]
Conclusion
Why was the Northern Offensive such a dismal failure? Collins appeared to be attempting a Tet Offensive type situation which would lead to the collapse of the Northern state whilst securing the unity of the Republican movement. However he appears to have called off his own plan.
Did the Provisional Government simply get cold feet at the last moment?
It may be that Collins was using the offensive in an attempt to prevent the split in the IRA erupting into open warfare rather than any genuine attempt at ending partition
It is difficult to say definitively, although the plan of a conventional advance on Belfast was very ambitious and it may be that Collins and other pro-Treaty figures were simply using the offensive cynically in an attempt to prevent the split in the IRA erupting into open warfare rather than any genuine attempt at ending partition.
It may be significant that none of the IRA Northern Divisions based in the prospective Free State, the 1st, 4th and the 5th Northern Divisions, took an active part in the offensive.
However the truth may not be so Machiavellian. Diplomacy with the Northern Government had been attempted in January and March with the Collins/Craig pacts but events seemed to move ahead of the Provisional Government who struggled to keep up.
The split in the IRA had led to two rival factions and Collins was only able to gain the confidence of the Northern Divisions (particularly the 3rd Northern) with support guaranteed in fighting the Northern state. It may be the case that Collins was playing for time.
Or it may be the case that Collins had a mixture of motives and was just moving from one policy to another as circumstances dictated.
As it was partition had been strengthened and the Nationalist population would find themselves in a consolidated Northern Ireland state, whose unionist-dominated government at Stormont would become renowned for discrimination and gerrymandering against the Catholic and nationalist minority.[31]
It would be 50 years before Republicans would challenge the state again in a significant way with Provisional IRA violence and a communal conflict spiralling out of control eventually forcing the suspension of the Stormont Government in 1972.
The Provisionals’ campaign would continue for another twenty-five years. Surprisingly perhaps, not all of those IRA members who had fought the infant Northern state in 1922 supported the new campaign. Speaking to Robert Kee for his History of Ireland documentary which aired in 1980, of the Provisionals’ campaign, Roger McCorley would say: “This thing, I cannot stand it. I have no sympathy with it in any shape nor form’.
It seemed for him and for Patrick Casey the failure of the Northern Offensive had led to the end of the fight for Ulster. As Casey would lament:
“and so petered out this latest, and maybe the last, rising in the Ulster area.” [32
2024.05.22 06:54 ParadeSit Roy Wood Jr. interviews Rickwood grandsons, Negro League players for new pod
 | submitted by ParadeSit to baseball [link] [comments] |
2024.05.22 02:40 Zestyclose_Buyer1625 Is Princess Carolyn a narcissist?
I saw another post that said the same but they didn't go into any detail. The way she has to go from person to person fixing their life. It's a way to distract herself from the reality of her situation. By her being a miracle worker to everyone around her, it gives her a grandiose sense of self. People need her in their life yadda yadda as I think I remember her freaking out a few times. She is oblivious to a lot of things important to a lot of people and really only cares about what gets the ball rolling or what will save her personal relationships. With narcissists, they need to be fed validation for their social work and power. If they don't, they collapse and fall into a depression. With Scientology, the leader would fall into these pits of sadness when he wasn't doing some tour of message. Princess Carolyn has perfectly crafted the world around her to rely on her. I forget about the relationship with Todd but there might be something there about her needing someone to rely on her at her own home to feel wanted (then translating into a baby and the entire topic of narcissistic parents. Her mom was quite clearly a narcissist even going to create a legend about a necklace for literally no reason. Someone pointed out that it's crazy she even believed the necklace story. Narcissists usually have more ability to believe a lie if it puts them in a golden light. (Germans believing blue eyes mean the future race and points like that were used to first feed into the fragile egos destroyed after ww1 that could easily be taken by narcissism as a coping mechanism)
Even reading the wikipedia on her and her mom which essentially boils down to (for my point needed) about how she developed a workaholic attitude taking care of her mom and all her needs.
I think if you put the lenses on a lot of her relationships and ask: Does she care about this person or does she care about this persons approval. I feel like she is essentially an activist for attention, not for cause.
She broke up with bojack but changed the lenses to being an agent and that perfectly allowed her to take care of him again if I remember correctly
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGNaN0P4HHA She comes from a family of narcisists. People who had to feel special. Had to hold a higher level of life than they could afford just to feel like they were above everyone. Typical narcissist delusion where they can't face reality. Then left with nothing. The
There is a scene where she needs to be calmed down by that rabbit dude. The scene is about her feeding into her Storyline Fever about how she will eventually win and this is just some hurdle that she will eventually overcome. I don't know. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOdN3fbec9g movie star speech sounds like narcissist speech. If you say right before this scene in your head, "Okay mr Rutabega, make this narcissistic person who had a bad day feel better'" It offers no help other than to validate their sense of superiority
one of my theories is that a lot of people don't want to call out some characters because they would be calling out themselves. The same people who live as Princess Carolyns in their heads probably wouldn't want to condemn her and put a harsh lense on her just like people who think they're heisenberg don't want to examine the shitty things he did (so they smooth over those issues and normalize / forget them) and they lose self awareness while they absorb those shitty qualities. It's why I actually hate Bojack fans because I think everyone on this show has flaws and so many bojack fans think there is at least one golden character. Every character enables the other to do something shitty and they all hide in someone doing something worse to ignore a less shitty situation that happened. (sorry if this last part made no sense. I'm now a bit drunk typing this and my words aren't coming to me as well so heres a rant)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HkCsjWdjI8 I have always thought of this scene whenever I think of PC. I have always had it in my head cannon that everything in her life is just a distraction to get her to stop hating herself. What does she have to love?
I might edit more onto this later but it was just some ideas I had that I couldn't share anywhere because none of my friends talk about Bojack. I was also kind of
oh yeah narcissists usually come from an abused child who feels inferior and they develop narcissism to basically give their now fragile ego a defense. PC had no mom essentially until she wanted to leave and her mom just fed into how much she was needed. They lived right beside a mansion of foxes who when entangled with, instantly gives PC a submissive and inferior role in the family to the freedom she had. Along with losing a child and just not being good enough to be in their family on her own graces.
I saw a comment about how there is no other character who cares this much about their heritage (hers being feline). I'm not calling her racist. Racists are usually narcissists because they feel inferior and have to cling onto something that is better to them to give them a purpose, superiority, and a sense of self. Tribalism is quite narcisistic. Out of all the characters on the show, PC is the only one to show some sense of tribalism from the main cast (except for Ralph as secondary who she can't stand right after the family being a bunch of tribally aware rats). Drunk on this one too but I feel like there is something here
"Despite saying that she wants a "quiet life," she actually loves the excitement of her career-oriented life as a talent agent and wouldn't trade it for anything. When she is seen looking at a beautiful Thomas Kinkade painting of a cottage in a museum, she has a fantasy she is living inside the painting, with her rival Vanessa Gekko being her maid in the fantasy world—she quickly grows bored and realizes an idealistic, quiet country life is simply not for her due to her competitive nature.
Princess Carolyn is distracted by a calm, serene painting of a cabin in the woods. After imagining living a calm life in the painting, with Vanessa Gecko as her servant, and becoming bored with it—she realizes that if she wanted a simple life she'd have a simple life. The next day, she accepts Rutabaga's offer before she kisses him in the elevator, starting their romantic/sexual relationship."
If anyone else remembers this scene, it screamed narcissistic fantasy to me and a dissolution of the ego revealing a truth
submitted by Zestyclose_Buyer1625 to BoJackHorseman [link] [comments]
Even reading the wikipedia on her and her mom which essentially boils down to (for my point needed) about how she developed a workaholic attitude taking care of her mom and all her needs.
I think if you put the lenses on a lot of her relationships and ask: Does she care about this person or does she care about this persons approval. I feel like she is essentially an activist for attention, not for cause.
She broke up with bojack but changed the lenses to being an agent and that perfectly allowed her to take care of him again if I remember correctly
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGNaN0P4HHA She comes from a family of narcisists. People who had to feel special. Had to hold a higher level of life than they could afford just to feel like they were above everyone. Typical narcissist delusion where they can't face reality. Then left with nothing. The
There is a scene where she needs to be calmed down by that rabbit dude. The scene is about her feeding into her Storyline Fever about how she will eventually win and this is just some hurdle that she will eventually overcome. I don't know. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOdN3fbec9g movie star speech sounds like narcissist speech. If you say right before this scene in your head, "Okay mr Rutabega, make this narcissistic person who had a bad day feel better'" It offers no help other than to validate their sense of superiority
one of my theories is that a lot of people don't want to call out some characters because they would be calling out themselves. The same people who live as Princess Carolyns in their heads probably wouldn't want to condemn her and put a harsh lense on her just like people who think they're heisenberg don't want to examine the shitty things he did (so they smooth over those issues and normalize / forget them) and they lose self awareness while they absorb those shitty qualities. It's why I actually hate Bojack fans because I think everyone on this show has flaws and so many bojack fans think there is at least one golden character. Every character enables the other to do something shitty and they all hide in someone doing something worse to ignore a less shitty situation that happened. (sorry if this last part made no sense. I'm now a bit drunk typing this and my words aren't coming to me as well so heres a rant)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HkCsjWdjI8 I have always thought of this scene whenever I think of PC. I have always had it in my head cannon that everything in her life is just a distraction to get her to stop hating herself. What does she have to love?
I might edit more onto this later but it was just some ideas I had that I couldn't share anywhere because none of my friends talk about Bojack. I was also kind of
oh yeah narcissists usually come from an abused child who feels inferior and they develop narcissism to basically give their now fragile ego a defense. PC had no mom essentially until she wanted to leave and her mom just fed into how much she was needed. They lived right beside a mansion of foxes who when entangled with, instantly gives PC a submissive and inferior role in the family to the freedom she had. Along with losing a child and just not being good enough to be in their family on her own graces.
I saw a comment about how there is no other character who cares this much about their heritage (hers being feline). I'm not calling her racist. Racists are usually narcissists because they feel inferior and have to cling onto something that is better to them to give them a purpose, superiority, and a sense of self. Tribalism is quite narcisistic. Out of all the characters on the show, PC is the only one to show some sense of tribalism from the main cast (except for Ralph as secondary who she can't stand right after the family being a bunch of tribally aware rats). Drunk on this one too but I feel like there is something here
"Despite saying that she wants a "quiet life," she actually loves the excitement of her career-oriented life as a talent agent and wouldn't trade it for anything. When she is seen looking at a beautiful Thomas Kinkade painting of a cottage in a museum, she has a fantasy she is living inside the painting, with her rival Vanessa Gekko being her maid in the fantasy world—she quickly grows bored and realizes an idealistic, quiet country life is simply not for her due to her competitive nature.
Princess Carolyn is distracted by a calm, serene painting of a cabin in the woods. After imagining living a calm life in the painting, with Vanessa Gecko as her servant, and becoming bored with it—she realizes that if she wanted a simple life she'd have a simple life. The next day, she accepts Rutabaga's offer before she kisses him in the elevator, starting their romantic/sexual relationship."
If anyone else remembers this scene, it screamed narcissistic fantasy to me and a dissolution of the ego revealing a truth
2024.05.22 02:25 specu12 (OFFER) Movies (REQUEST) Offers, vudu credits, steam codes
All codes are US, HD/blu-ray unless marked otherwise
also check out my For Sale Post on DCS
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UHD/4k movies: vudu or MA redemptions only, port 4k to MA none ATM
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The Last Witch Hunter (2015)
UHD/4k movies: itunes redemptions only, port 4k to MA Fast & Furious 6 - Extended Edition (2013) Let's Be Cops (2014) Longest Ride (2015) The Longest Ride (2015)
UHD/4k movies: itunes redemptions only, do not port to MA 3 From Hell (2019) Hunger Games (2012) Interstellar (2014) John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (2019) Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) Last Witch Hunter (2015) The Hunger Games (2012) The Last Witch Hunter (2015) Wonder (2017) Wonder Park (2019)
HD movies, MA or vudu redemptions only, port to MA: Fast & Furious 6 - Extended Edition (2013) Fate of the Furious (2017) Fate of the Furious (Theatrical) (2017) Fifty Shades of Grey (Unrated) (2015) Jason Bourne (2016) Jurassic World (2015) The Fate of the Furious (2017) The Fate of the Furious (Theatrical) (2017)
HD movies: itunes redemptions only (splits), port HD to MA Fifty Shades of Grey (Unrated) (2015) Kidnap (2017) Planes (2013)
HD movies: itunes redemptions only, port HD to MA Fifty Shades of Grey (Unrated) (2015) Kidnap (2017) Planes (2013)
HD movies: vudu redemptions only, do not port to MA Chicago (Diamond Edition) (2003) Hunger Games (2012) The Hunger Games (2012) Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 (2012) Wonder Park (2019)
HD movies: itunes redemptions only, do not port to MA Chicago (Diamond Edition) (2003) The Last Stand (2013)
Disney/Marvel HD movies, no DMDMI, all port HD to MA: google play redemptions only (splits) Aladdin (1992) Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) Avengers: Endgame (2019) Avengers: Infinity War (2018) Beauty and the Beast (2017) Big Hero 6 (2014) Captain Marvel (2019) Dumbo (2019) Finding Dory (2016) Frozen (2013) Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) Inside Out (2015) Into the Woods (2014) Iron Man 3 (2013) Jungle Book (2016) Lion King (2019) Maleficent (2014) Moana (2016) Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) Planes (2013) Ralph Breaks the Internet (2018) Raya and the Last Dragon (2021) Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) Spies in Disguise (2019) Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015) Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017) Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019) The Jungle Book (2016) The Lion King (2019) Thor: Ragnarok (2017) Toy Story 4 (2019)
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The Last Witch Hunter (2015)
2024.05.22 02:20 SunHeadPrime I Think I'm Being Stalked by A Smaller Version of Myself
The stress of the last six months has nearly killed me. Besides the general cratering of the outside world—political strife, climate change, inflated rents, corporate greed, and the baffling resurgence of crew socks—my internal life was falling apart, too. I'm at the point where I can't see a way out of the darkness, and that feeling has only grown in the last few days.
My struggles ramped up exponentially in the last two weeks. It started when my long-term girlfriend and I called it quits after five years. There was no definitive relationship-altering fight or infidelity. It was simply the boring banality of the "roommate-ification" of our lives together. We both felt the shift but never talked about it. Turns out communication is important.
Truthfully, we'd stayed together for so long because we couldn't afford to live apart. Our rent had nearly doubled the last time we re-upped our lease but even that was a bargain compared to what was out there currently. We were trapped by our need to have a roof over our heads.
My job had stagnated, and I couldn't find anything better. I was stuck. Like me, she'd been job hunting as well. Unlike me, she had a master's, and her prospects should've been higher. They weren't. For five months, she applied to hundreds of jobs and couldn't break through. If she got a rejection email, it was a win. Most of the time, the companies never responded.
Finally, she found a great opportunity at a Fortune 500 company. It was an involved process. She nailed the five interviews, and her "test project" was well received. She was offered the position, and it came with a massive pay increase—double her current salary. I was proud of her—she needed a win. We celebrated with pizza and beer that night.
Two days later, she dropped the bomb that she was breaking things off. The relationship ending wasn't a surprise. The timing was. The discussion was brief, and there was zero chance of reconciliation. She declined when I asked if she could stay until the lease ended. Mentally, it would've been too much for her. Two days after that, she moved out, taking half the rent with her. I was stuck in a lease I couldn't afford on my salary for the next six months.
My free time evaporated as I took on two extra gigs to help make ends meet. In addition to my office nine to five, I drove for a delivery app on the weekends and took a part-time night job stocking shelves at a local grocery store. When I wasn't hustling for housing, I slept or ate. I did nothing beyond that. Nothing brings me joy. There is no spark.
This drudgery has become my daily routine, and it's killing me.
To help cover some cost gaps, I've started selling off some of my stuff online. It was just me here, and I decided that the Spartan lifestyle would have to work for now. Anything I could fetch a decent amount for went up for sale. My apartment is so empty now every noise causes an echo.
Before my shift at the grocery store, I agreed to meet someone who wanted to take a look at my kitchen table. It was a lovely table – my ex had obsessed over it – but I didn't see a need at the moment. Now that I was a bachelor, my TV trays became my default kitchen tables anyway. I wasn't planning on any dinner parties in the future anyway.
A couple showed up later than they said they would. It was a bored-looking guy and a fastidious young woman. She made friendly small talk as she looked over the table. Her boyfriend (I think) stayed quiet and played bodyguard. I gave him a friendly nod at one point, and he just looked away. She said they'd take it without trying to talk me down. I took the small win.
She asked if I could help carry it down to their truck. I was running late, but feeling helpful, even for a fleeting few seconds, was worth it. Her silent boyfriend and I hauled the table through the hallway and even managed to avoid hitting the walls the entire way down.
I placed it in their truck, got my money, and turned to leave. The girl said thanks, and the boyfriend finally returned the nod. I gave a weird half-wave to them both and started to walk away when I heard the passenger window being rolled down.
"Hey man," the boyfriend said, his voice higher pitched than I thought it would. "What was up with your brother giving us the evil eye in the lobby when we got here?"
I turned around, "Huh? I don't have a brother."
"A cousin then?"
"My family lives about a thousand miles away. What happened in the lobby?"
"A dude that looked just like you was hiding in a dark hallway in the lobby and staring at my girl's ass."
"Jacob, really," she said.
"I'm sorry that happened, but I had nothing to do with it. We do have the occasional homeless guy meander in. Maybe you saw one of them," I said. "Did he say or do anything bad?"
"Jacob, I asked you to not say something," the girl said, burying her head in her hands.
Jacob's frosty attitude to me made sense now. "He said something about running up that ass. I dunno, he was mumbling. I told him I'd beat his ass if he didn't stop staring. Seemed to shut him up."
"Oh. Well, congrats," I said. "I'll tell the manager. Thanks for letting me know."
"You should do a better job keeping jokers like that out of the building."
"Jacob, he's not a security guard."
"He should still be a man and protect his home."
"Have a good night," I said, ending the conversation and heading back up to my apartment. I had about five minutes to change and head out before I'd be late. Last thing my ego needed was to be fired from my backup job.
Thankfully, I was able to slip into work and not get spotted by my boss. That was the last of the good news, though. We had a massive weekly order come in, which meant I'd be there late, plus someone had called out. Worse, our hand truck had a flat tire, and I spent the next few hours torturing my muscles, schlepping heavy boxes around the store. I soldiered on, counting down the minutes until I left and fantasizing about going to bed for the night.
If wishing for sleep wasn't a sad statement to my mental well-being, nothing was.
I came home after my shift at the grocery store and plopped down on the couch. I had contemplated selling it, but it was an older Ikea number, and I didn't think the value would replace my desire to sit. I could feel my body sink into the cushions, and the day's tension seep out. I was beat and tired to the point that turning on the TV was a chore.
I picked up my phone and thought I'd doomscroll until sleep overtook me. I didn't expect it to be a long scroll, as even the methadone that is my phone has failed me lately. As I lowered myself from a slumped position to a supine one, I heard footsteps outside my apartment door. This was not unusual, but the noise I heard sounded like kid footsteps. That was unusual, as nobody on our floor had kids, and it was almost midnight.
Despite my body screaming at me to not move, my brain suggested I check it out. I rolled myself off the couch and eventually stood up. I listened again and heard the kid running down the hallway. I walked over to my door and looked out the peephole. I didn't see anyone.
"Maybe I'm dreaming," I said to myself. "Maybe I'm not staring out a peephole, expecting to see a kid running down the hall at midnight, but instead, I'm cuddled up in my bed, snoozing." I pinched my arm and felt the pain. I was definitely in the waking world.
I turned to head back to the couch when I heard the running again, this time louder. I opened my door and peeked out into the hallway. Nobody was there. The door from the apartment across me opened up, too. Gloria, a young at heart grandma who was friendly/constantly buzzed in a wine mom kind of way, gave me a once over.
"You heard that, too?" she asked.
"Kids?"
"No rugrats around. I assumed it was some drunk assholes stumbling home from the bar."
I laughed. Gloria was, as always, blunt. "I didn't see any assholes," I said.
"Then you're not watching the right kind of internet videos," she said with a wink and a hoarse cackle.
I blushed. How do you respond to that? I just kind of nodded in agreement and shrugged.
"Gotta get your jollies while you can," she said before adding, "You need some rest, dear. You look like hammered shit." She shut her door and went back inside.
She was right. I felt like hammered shit. Since I wasn't going to solve the case of the mysterious runner and was sure it wasn't some lost kid, I decided to call it a night. I went back inside, shut down the apartment, and crawled into bed.
I thought about watching one of the "right kind of internet videos" but fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
***
"Your problem is you think the world owes you something."
John, my elderly coworker at the grocery store, was standing by while I unloaded a pallet of cereal. I liked John, and when I first started, we instantly clicked. He's quick with a joke and fun to talk to. He's also about thirty years older than me and speaks with the Boomer combination of accumulated wisdom, backhanded compliments, and fringe conspiracy nonsense. Still, regardless of how couched the kindness is in gobbledygook, he's usually coming from a good place.
"What?" I said, putting a box of Captain Crunch on the shelf.
"You're complaining about your situation, right? Saying it ain't fair. The world took a paddle to your hind quarters? Hey brother, that's the way the cookie crumbles. Gotta just pick yourself up and start over. You're smart enough – figured this job out right quick – you can do it."
The job was wheeling pallets around the store and stocking shelves. It wasn't much to figure out, but I understood his meaning. The other stuff wasn't necessary, though. "I'm just in a funk. I don't see a way forward."
"Hey, so you've bottomed out. No shame in that. Happens to us all. Silver lining, you can only go up," he said before adding, "Unless some other bad shit happens to you like your car dies or your apartment building burns down. But after that, it's only up."
"The apartment building burning down would be a blessing," I said, hoisting another little Captain on the shelf. "The rent is killing me."
"Have you tried negotiating a lower rent? They used to do that when I was your age."
"I think they'd evict me if I even asked."
"Hell, then you'd have at least thirty days, maybe forty, before they'd kick you out. Plenty of time to turn things around."
"Uh-huh," I said, "Any chance you could give me a hand here?"
"My back is screaming like a pretty young thing after prom," he said, holding his back for emphasis.
I didn't push. "Hey, I meant to tell you about some weird shit that happened the other night."
"Lay it on me. I love the strange."
"So, after my shift the other day, I got home around midnight and was flopped on the couch. I heard someone running down the hallway outside my apartment. I wasn't the only one. A few other neighbors heard it, too. When we checked, though, nobody was there."
"That ain't strange," John said, waving his hand, "that's a man who's plowing another man's wife running for his life."
I laughed. "That's not the weird part. So, for the next two nights, it's the same thing. Around midnight, someone runs down the hallway. Only this time, they're trying the door handles as they pass. So, I asked the front desk to check the security cameras, and they do."
"They see a man running away holding his clothes?"
"There wasn't anyone running down the hall," I said, "But the weird thing was, you could see the door handles turning on the video."
"Damn, that's a good one," John said, "You sure it wasn't just a camera glitch. These new ones from overseas aren't as reliable as they want you to think. Chinese probably using them to spy on you, too."
He continued as my brain tried to reconcile John's two opposing comments. "Weird shit happens at night, man. Before working here, I only worked the day shift. Even when they offered me more money to work nights, I turned it down. Even when they promised me a promotion, I turned them down."
In a previous life, John had worked as a paramedic. He came by it after serving in a medical unit in the army. He'd told me he loved the rush of the job, but after a while, the death and hurt in people's eyes got to be too much to handle. But he worked there for almost twenty years. So, the man had a tolerance for shenanigans and odd occurrences.
"Why'd you agree to work nights here?"
"Shit, we're home before the witching hour. This is like late afternoons, at best. But if it was overnights, hell no. Captain Crunch can anchor his own ship to the shelves. I'd take my ass to 7-11 for a day shift before agreeing to work an overnight."
"Something happen to you during the army?”
“I got the clap,” he offered.
I sighed. “What turned you off nights?"
"Oh. I heard enough stories from coworkers to know I didn't want to experience any of that hoo-doo shit," he said, "trying to save someone's life is hard enough without adding in demon kids and ghosts."
"Did your coworkers see demon kids?" I asked, moving on from the good Captain to the Trix rabbit.
He nodded, "They saw too much. I find it odd, even with all the surveillance we have now and all the science we know about these days, that the night still scares us. You ever know someone who worked a night shift?"
I had. My ex. During college, she worked the overnight desk at a hotel for a while. She quit because the job gave her bad vibes. I told John as much.
He pointed and laughed, "See! Don't you find it odd that every person who works at night always has a story of something eerie happening to them? Every person, buster. That's what they call an irrefutable fact."
"Maybe the ghost running down the hallway is an old employee still doing his rounds."
"In that case, keep that door double locked. I'd even wedge a towel under the door just in case."
"Maybe they're friendly? Casper-like in that way."
"You ever heard someone tell you about a friendly ghost outside the funny papers?"
"I'm sure it happens," I said, "The scary ghosts are more popular though."
“We think we know everything there is to know but we are just babes in the woods when it comes to night things.” John shook his head. "Imma tell you one or three things that happened to a guy I worked with back when I first got hired on to chase after corpses in the ambo. Guy's name was Gil. Quiet man, kept to himself. Didn't rock the boat or demand a bigger paddle. Just rowed with us. Good cat to learn under," John said, finally handing me a cereal box.
I took it, and he kept going, "Now, Gil, ya see, he had a little wifey that would pester him about working days. She was a cop and worked evenings at that time, so they never saw each other. When married people can't align their genitals every now and then, it spells doom."
"A little too much information but sure," I said, shelving another box of Trix.
"Probably part of what happened with you and yours," he said. He wasn't wrong, but that didn't mean I wanted to hear it.
John kept on, "Gil finally got approved to move to nights. Little pay boost and a happy, 'fulfilled' wife should've made that man happy. But it didn't. I saw him a few months later, and he had changed. He might've been quiet when he was working with me, but he'd talk to you if you engaged. When I saw him that time, though, oh boy. He looked sick."
"Wasn't a fan of working nights?"
"Wasn't a fan of living anymore is the feeling I got," John said, "After some prodding, he got to talking with me some. Told me he missed days because the nights were messing with him. I thought it had to do with the schedule change, but that wasn't the case. He said he saw things in the dark he couldn't explain. Things that would turn James Brown into James White, ya dig?"
"I...dig," I said.
"Told me they got a call to an abandoned apartment building one night, around three in the morning. Wasn't unusual. Old buildings in the city are where hop-heads congregate and share drugs. Sometimes, the drugs are too much. Sometimes, they find a person passed out or, worse, dead. When you work in the ambo, you aren't scared of death like a civilian. You've been around it. Probably seen a few folks take their last breaths. It doesn't bother you the way Mother Nature intended it should."
He handed me another box, continuing his assist streak, and kept going, "Ambo pulled up, Gil stepped out and looked for someone to talk to. Nobody there, though. Not uncommon. Some people want to help but not be involved. There's not a soul around. He calls out, but nothing comes back. Tells me he turns to get back in the ambulance when he hears a scream from inside the run-down building. They're calling for help. He's gotta go in the abandoned building in the dark."
"No thanks," I said.
"But it don't bother a medic like that. Gil's done a million of these calls. No big deal. He runs into that building but doesn't come back out until twenty minutes later. Just goes missing. After five, the crew heads in to back him up but can't find him. Gil tells me his crew called the cops. It was like he had vanished."
"What happened?"
"I asked him and he got real quiet. Said he fell into some place that looked like here but wasn't here. Said he felt their eyes on him. Judging him. Told me they followed him home and wouldn't leave him be."
"Who?"
John shrugged, "He didn't say. Shut down after that and left. Just walked past me like I was shit on the sidewalk. He quit about a week later. Heard he had a stroke a year later and was a tombstone owner three months after that. Good guy, though."
"Your aversion to overnights makes a little more sense."
"Never in a million years. You don't want something like that coming after you."
"In my case, could it get much worse?" I said with a half-smile.
"Man, I wouldn't even joke about that," he said, making the sign of the cross, "You don't want that shit attachin' itself to you. With your luck, you'd bring him in here, and it'd hop over to me. I can't have a ghost crimping my style."
After a bit, he got called away to sign off on a delivery. I finished out my shift and headed out to the parking lot. When I exited the building and spotted my car, I froze. My doors were all open, and the interior lights were on. Someone had broken in.
I glanced around the lot to see if the thief was still around, but there wasn't another person near me. I walked over to the car and peered inside. My glovebox had been ripped open, and my registration was pulled out, but nothing else was missing.
I found little hand prints in the dirt all along the body and the windows. I held mine up for comparison, and they were about half the size. It must've been some tweens or teens who did this. Maybe they were going to steal some things and got cold feet. I contemplated calling the cops, but since nothing had happened and they wouldn't do anything anyway, there was no reason to delay sleep any longer than I had to. I closed all the doors and climbed inside.
I started the car and heard something rattling in the AC vents. I pulled out my phone and shined the light at the vent. There was a small piece of paper inside. I looked around my car for some tool to pull it out and only found an ink pen and a bent-up paperclip. After McGuyvering the vent for a bit, the paper finally came out.
I held it up and unfolded it. There was a handwritten note. It simply read, "I know you're here. I know you're hiding him. I will find you both, and then it'll be your turn to run the race. We all have to run at some point."
I had no idea what that meant, but my body still provided goosebumps. Who was trying to find me? Who was the second person? Why leave a note in my AC vent? What the hell did run the race mean? I hadn't run a race since elementary school and wasn't planning to do so any time soon. Did they mean the rat race? Because I was basically marathoning that motherfucker already.
"Jesus Christ," I said, shaking my head. "What else, universe?"
As if it were a well-practiced comedy routine, the universe responded. My back passenger door swung open, and I heard footsteps running away from my car. I sprung up and scrambled to get out. There wasn't anyone else in the lot that I could see, but very clearly, someone had been hiding in my backseat.
My nerves were shot already, and this was not something I wanted to deal with at the moment. My brain decided that to avoid a breakdown, I needed to shift into automatic mode and just get back to the safety of my apartment. I'd be more prepared to deal with this – whatever it was – in the morning.
Either that or I'd jump in front of a bus. Both sounded satisfying, albeit in different ways.
***
"There he is," Gloria said as soon as I turned down the hallway. I looked up and noticed a small cabal of my neighbors standing in a semi-circle, waiting for me. They all look displeased.
"Hey guys," I said, confused. "I miss an invite for a block party?"
"What do you have to say for yourself?"
"About?"
"Don't play dumb," another neighbor said, jabbing their finger in my direction.
"I'm not playing," I said, realizing the self-burn only after the words escaped my lips.
Gloria showed me the screen on her phone. It was a static shot of her door from across the hall. She pressed play, and nothing happened for a beat until something darted across the screen. That was the whole thing. I looked up at her, my face twisted up in confusion.
"Well," she said, "What do you have to say?"
"What was that?" I asked.
"That was you!" the pointing neighbor said, pointing harder than I thought possible.
"What?" I said, laughing. "Are you all serious?" They didn't laugh, and I realized they weren't joking. "How can you even tell it's me? It's a blur. Never mind the fact I've been at work for the last five hours. Plus, this blur is half my size. I get we're all weirded out about the Phantom Runner, but it's not me. I swear to God. I don't even have the energy to think about running, let alone the physical desire to."
"Then explain this," Gloria said, slightly swaying from the half bottle of Pinot Noir coursing through her blood. She rewound the video and froze it on a specific frame. I couldn't believe my eyes, but I was looking at...me. Or, rather, something pretending to be me.
"What the fuck?" I said, my jaw dropping.
"Still think we're lying?" the pointer said smugly.
"No, but, guys, this isn't me. I... I've been at work. Wanna see my schedule?"
I reached into my phone and pulled it out. There was an email with my work schedule that confirmed what I was saying. They relaxed, and, for the first time, anger gave way to fear. Their very plausible explanation was suddenly invalid. It left two implausible answers floating in the ether: either I had a pint-sized doppelganger terrorizing the hallways of my apartment, or a ghost was haunting the building.
"I'm...gonna go inside," the pointer said, walking back to their home. Everyone else drifted away until it was just Gloria and I standing alone in the hallway.
She looked at me and sighed, "I feel like an asshole," she said. "Sorry I accused you of causing the racket."
"If I had seen the video, I would've thought the same thing," I said. "We're good."
"What do you think it is?" she asked.
I shrugged and let out an exhausted sigh. "Honestly, Gloria, I've had a screwed-up night already, and this is the cherry on top of the shit sundae; forgive my language. I don't have the mental bandwidth to even comprehend what's on the video at the moment."
"Think it's after you?" she asked, though I suspected the wine had forced her to put that idea out into the universe. As I had already seen, the universe seemed to take requests on my behalf.
"Maybe it's after you?" I said, coming off a little meaner than I intended, but I didn't care. I left her there to contemplate that scenario and went into my apartment.
As soon as the door shut behind me, I felt on edge. Just because I didn't have the mental bandwidth to discuss the doppelganger didn't mean it wasn't dominating my thoughts. I saw the frame of the video. The damn ghost looked exactly like me. What could that possibly mean? I know I had wished for death, but I was very still alive. I had rent due to prove that.
Did I happen to live in a place haunted by a ghost that looked strikingly like me? Was it some kid with a passing resemblance just causing chaos? Was it something else I couldn't even comprehend – an alien? A clone? A secret government project?
There was a thumping coming from the hallway. The mini Usain Bolt was at it again. I knew the neighbors would ignore it. Since they had all thought it was me, which was proven to be untrue, they would avoid the running man from now on. While curious and confused by the creature, they'd never put themselves in harm's way to discover what it was. They were not a brave lot.
Neither was I, but maybe my life crumbling around me had forced my hand. I walked over to my door and swung it open. I hit record on my phone, stuck it out like a periscope, and glanced around the hallway. Nobody was there. No neighbors were looking. No person was running.
"You gotta stop, man. I need to go to sleep," I said to the empty space. No response, not that I was expecting one.
I turned to walk back in, and I caught something out of the corner of my eye. A face at the end of the hallway peeked around the corner. For a quick second, we locked eyes, and it was like I was looking into a mirror. This thing was me. But...how?
I tried to get it on video, but it ducked back into the shadows. I took that as a cue to shut and lock my door. My heart was racing, and I didn't want to think about this anymore, but I couldn't help it. There was a me in the hallway who enjoyed pestering my neighbors. Worse, they liked to run for some ungodly reason.
I put my phone on the counter, the video still rolling, when there was a knock at my door. It echoed in my near-empty apartment. I tried to ignore it and convince myself it was something else, but it wasn't. The ghost was knocking on my door. Even with my brain paralyzed, I couldn't help but think that it was awfully polite to knock.
Another knock, this one more forceful. I wondered if the neighbors thought I was making this up?
"I know you're in there," a voice said. It sounded just like me. "This is about the race. We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I froze. My legs went wobbly like a boxer on the brink of a blackout, but I stayed tall. I opened my mouth to speak and found the words dying in my throat. I grabbed a nearby bottle of water and took a chug.
"We all have to run the race."
"What race?" I choked out, "What are you talking about?"
"Open up. They're in there already, and I need to get them."
I glanced all around my empty apartment. I didn't see anyone else in here. I didn't hear anything. Whatever this thing was, it was lying. I grabbed my phone and held it in my hand. I wanted to document this to prove that I wasn't crazy.
“Did you leave the note?”
“I know they’re in there with you,” it repeated.
"There's no one in here," I said.
"They're hiding. I think I know where. I can hear them."
"You've gotta get out of here," I said. "There's nothing here, and you're scaring people."
"I'm scared, and you should be! You have to run the race, man! Open up, and I can show you."
The handle started to shake. I peered through the keyhole and only saw the top of the other me's head. They began to shoulder the door, and it crunched against my nose. I screamed out in pain and stumbled back. I tripped over my feet and landed hard on my ass.
The thing slammed into the door two more times, shaking the walls. The strength seemed unnatural. On the third hit, the door burst open. I finally got a view of the thing. It was me. Scaled down by half, but it was me. We both seemed shocked.
"You're so much taller up close," the other me said.
"Who the fuck are you?"
I felt a buzzing in my feet that seemed to climb up my body until it reached my brain. There was an intense pain that rippled through the folds of my mind. Through the pain, I could hear a disembodied voice whisper, "We all must run the race. We all have to run. Chase it. Chase yourself." It felt like my skull was going to split in two. I clutched the sides of my head and let out a primal scream that hurt my own ears.
Then it was gone. But I could still feel the echoes in my mind. "We all have to run the race. We all have to run." The thought would waver between making no sense and making complete sense. One second, I was questioning what was happening to my mind, and the next, all I felt was the desire to continue the race.
"There he is!" the other me yelled, pointing at the hallway.
I glanced over and saw another version of me standing in the hallway. It was half the size of the other me that had broken into my place. When tiny me locked eyes with my intruder, he ran for the open hallway closet.
The other me followed, screaming that it would catch the little bastard if it was the last thing he'd do. I pushed myself up to my feet and felt queasy. I watched as the other me ran head-first into the closet without slowing. I expected to hear a loud thump as it hit the back wall but none came.
"We all have to run the race," the voice in my head said, soothing my nerves. "It's your time to run the race."
I moved down the hallway, each footfall echoing loudly in the empty apartment, each step bringing me closer to the closet door. Something was drawing me there. The voice's words echoed in my mind as well: "We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I grabbed the door and stopped. Something was compelling me to move forward. To go into the closet. To chase myself. To run the race.
"No," I whispered and yanked my hand from the door. I pulled out my still recording phone, and stared into the camera. My face was devoid of color, and you could see the fear etched into me. "I'm freaking out because...because…"
I stopped. I felt an invisible hand grab my body and tug. "Because...because if I don't run the race, something bad will happen. I have to chase it. I...I have to."
My phone dropped from my hand, and I didn’t care. The force pulling me forward stopped but my body kept going. I could feel the last strands of my rational mind splintering. My thoughts became focused on one thing: I had to catch myself, find out what was happening, and run the race. If I ran, maybe I'd win.
I needed a win.
I walked into the back of the closet and felt a door handle sticking out of the wall. I'd been in that closet a million times before and never had seen this. But a sense of calm washed over me. This….this was supposed to be here. This was perfectly fine.
I turned the handle and pulled open the invisible door. In front of me was a hallway that looked strikingly like the one outside my apartment. At the end of the hallway, I saw Gloria step out of their home to leave for the night. She was huge. Twice my size, easy.
Another door opened, and I saw...me—a giant version of me. The Hulk version of me was getting ready to go to the grocery store for work. I watched as the giant Gloria and giant me joked and laughed. I was stunned.
I stared, and a new thought came to me. I have to find the smaller me and talk to it. I needed to find out if there's a way out of this...this….
"It's your turn to run," the voice said.
Calm embraced me. "It's my turn to run," I repeated. As the giant me took off and the giant Gloria re-entered her apartment, the hallway beckoned.
"We all have to run the race," I said softly, "It's my turn now."
I started running.
submitted by SunHeadPrime to nosleep [link] [comments]
My struggles ramped up exponentially in the last two weeks. It started when my long-term girlfriend and I called it quits after five years. There was no definitive relationship-altering fight or infidelity. It was simply the boring banality of the "roommate-ification" of our lives together. We both felt the shift but never talked about it. Turns out communication is important.
Truthfully, we'd stayed together for so long because we couldn't afford to live apart. Our rent had nearly doubled the last time we re-upped our lease but even that was a bargain compared to what was out there currently. We were trapped by our need to have a roof over our heads.
My job had stagnated, and I couldn't find anything better. I was stuck. Like me, she'd been job hunting as well. Unlike me, she had a master's, and her prospects should've been higher. They weren't. For five months, she applied to hundreds of jobs and couldn't break through. If she got a rejection email, it was a win. Most of the time, the companies never responded.
Finally, she found a great opportunity at a Fortune 500 company. It was an involved process. She nailed the five interviews, and her "test project" was well received. She was offered the position, and it came with a massive pay increase—double her current salary. I was proud of her—she needed a win. We celebrated with pizza and beer that night.
Two days later, she dropped the bomb that she was breaking things off. The relationship ending wasn't a surprise. The timing was. The discussion was brief, and there was zero chance of reconciliation. She declined when I asked if she could stay until the lease ended. Mentally, it would've been too much for her. Two days after that, she moved out, taking half the rent with her. I was stuck in a lease I couldn't afford on my salary for the next six months.
My free time evaporated as I took on two extra gigs to help make ends meet. In addition to my office nine to five, I drove for a delivery app on the weekends and took a part-time night job stocking shelves at a local grocery store. When I wasn't hustling for housing, I slept or ate. I did nothing beyond that. Nothing brings me joy. There is no spark.
This drudgery has become my daily routine, and it's killing me.
To help cover some cost gaps, I've started selling off some of my stuff online. It was just me here, and I decided that the Spartan lifestyle would have to work for now. Anything I could fetch a decent amount for went up for sale. My apartment is so empty now every noise causes an echo.
Before my shift at the grocery store, I agreed to meet someone who wanted to take a look at my kitchen table. It was a lovely table – my ex had obsessed over it – but I didn't see a need at the moment. Now that I was a bachelor, my TV trays became my default kitchen tables anyway. I wasn't planning on any dinner parties in the future anyway.
A couple showed up later than they said they would. It was a bored-looking guy and a fastidious young woman. She made friendly small talk as she looked over the table. Her boyfriend (I think) stayed quiet and played bodyguard. I gave him a friendly nod at one point, and he just looked away. She said they'd take it without trying to talk me down. I took the small win.
She asked if I could help carry it down to their truck. I was running late, but feeling helpful, even for a fleeting few seconds, was worth it. Her silent boyfriend and I hauled the table through the hallway and even managed to avoid hitting the walls the entire way down.
I placed it in their truck, got my money, and turned to leave. The girl said thanks, and the boyfriend finally returned the nod. I gave a weird half-wave to them both and started to walk away when I heard the passenger window being rolled down.
"Hey man," the boyfriend said, his voice higher pitched than I thought it would. "What was up with your brother giving us the evil eye in the lobby when we got here?"
I turned around, "Huh? I don't have a brother."
"A cousin then?"
"My family lives about a thousand miles away. What happened in the lobby?"
"A dude that looked just like you was hiding in a dark hallway in the lobby and staring at my girl's ass."
"Jacob, really," she said.
"I'm sorry that happened, but I had nothing to do with it. We do have the occasional homeless guy meander in. Maybe you saw one of them," I said. "Did he say or do anything bad?"
"Jacob, I asked you to not say something," the girl said, burying her head in her hands.
Jacob's frosty attitude to me made sense now. "He said something about running up that ass. I dunno, he was mumbling. I told him I'd beat his ass if he didn't stop staring. Seemed to shut him up."
"Oh. Well, congrats," I said. "I'll tell the manager. Thanks for letting me know."
"You should do a better job keeping jokers like that out of the building."
"Jacob, he's not a security guard."
"He should still be a man and protect his home."
"Have a good night," I said, ending the conversation and heading back up to my apartment. I had about five minutes to change and head out before I'd be late. Last thing my ego needed was to be fired from my backup job.
Thankfully, I was able to slip into work and not get spotted by my boss. That was the last of the good news, though. We had a massive weekly order come in, which meant I'd be there late, plus someone had called out. Worse, our hand truck had a flat tire, and I spent the next few hours torturing my muscles, schlepping heavy boxes around the store. I soldiered on, counting down the minutes until I left and fantasizing about going to bed for the night.
If wishing for sleep wasn't a sad statement to my mental well-being, nothing was.
I came home after my shift at the grocery store and plopped down on the couch. I had contemplated selling it, but it was an older Ikea number, and I didn't think the value would replace my desire to sit. I could feel my body sink into the cushions, and the day's tension seep out. I was beat and tired to the point that turning on the TV was a chore.
I picked up my phone and thought I'd doomscroll until sleep overtook me. I didn't expect it to be a long scroll, as even the methadone that is my phone has failed me lately. As I lowered myself from a slumped position to a supine one, I heard footsteps outside my apartment door. This was not unusual, but the noise I heard sounded like kid footsteps. That was unusual, as nobody on our floor had kids, and it was almost midnight.
Despite my body screaming at me to not move, my brain suggested I check it out. I rolled myself off the couch and eventually stood up. I listened again and heard the kid running down the hallway. I walked over to my door and looked out the peephole. I didn't see anyone.
"Maybe I'm dreaming," I said to myself. "Maybe I'm not staring out a peephole, expecting to see a kid running down the hall at midnight, but instead, I'm cuddled up in my bed, snoozing." I pinched my arm and felt the pain. I was definitely in the waking world.
I turned to head back to the couch when I heard the running again, this time louder. I opened my door and peeked out into the hallway. Nobody was there. The door from the apartment across me opened up, too. Gloria, a young at heart grandma who was friendly/constantly buzzed in a wine mom kind of way, gave me a once over.
"You heard that, too?" she asked.
"Kids?"
"No rugrats around. I assumed it was some drunk assholes stumbling home from the bar."
I laughed. Gloria was, as always, blunt. "I didn't see any assholes," I said.
"Then you're not watching the right kind of internet videos," she said with a wink and a hoarse cackle.
I blushed. How do you respond to that? I just kind of nodded in agreement and shrugged.
"Gotta get your jollies while you can," she said before adding, "You need some rest, dear. You look like hammered shit." She shut her door and went back inside.
She was right. I felt like hammered shit. Since I wasn't going to solve the case of the mysterious runner and was sure it wasn't some lost kid, I decided to call it a night. I went back inside, shut down the apartment, and crawled into bed.
I thought about watching one of the "right kind of internet videos" but fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
***
"Your problem is you think the world owes you something."
John, my elderly coworker at the grocery store, was standing by while I unloaded a pallet of cereal. I liked John, and when I first started, we instantly clicked. He's quick with a joke and fun to talk to. He's also about thirty years older than me and speaks with the Boomer combination of accumulated wisdom, backhanded compliments, and fringe conspiracy nonsense. Still, regardless of how couched the kindness is in gobbledygook, he's usually coming from a good place.
"What?" I said, putting a box of Captain Crunch on the shelf.
"You're complaining about your situation, right? Saying it ain't fair. The world took a paddle to your hind quarters? Hey brother, that's the way the cookie crumbles. Gotta just pick yourself up and start over. You're smart enough – figured this job out right quick – you can do it."
The job was wheeling pallets around the store and stocking shelves. It wasn't much to figure out, but I understood his meaning. The other stuff wasn't necessary, though. "I'm just in a funk. I don't see a way forward."
"Hey, so you've bottomed out. No shame in that. Happens to us all. Silver lining, you can only go up," he said before adding, "Unless some other bad shit happens to you like your car dies or your apartment building burns down. But after that, it's only up."
"The apartment building burning down would be a blessing," I said, hoisting another little Captain on the shelf. "The rent is killing me."
"Have you tried negotiating a lower rent? They used to do that when I was your age."
"I think they'd evict me if I even asked."
"Hell, then you'd have at least thirty days, maybe forty, before they'd kick you out. Plenty of time to turn things around."
"Uh-huh," I said, "Any chance you could give me a hand here?"
"My back is screaming like a pretty young thing after prom," he said, holding his back for emphasis.
I didn't push. "Hey, I meant to tell you about some weird shit that happened the other night."
"Lay it on me. I love the strange."
"So, after my shift the other day, I got home around midnight and was flopped on the couch. I heard someone running down the hallway outside my apartment. I wasn't the only one. A few other neighbors heard it, too. When we checked, though, nobody was there."
"That ain't strange," John said, waving his hand, "that's a man who's plowing another man's wife running for his life."
I laughed. "That's not the weird part. So, for the next two nights, it's the same thing. Around midnight, someone runs down the hallway. Only this time, they're trying the door handles as they pass. So, I asked the front desk to check the security cameras, and they do."
"They see a man running away holding his clothes?"
"There wasn't anyone running down the hall," I said, "But the weird thing was, you could see the door handles turning on the video."
"Damn, that's a good one," John said, "You sure it wasn't just a camera glitch. These new ones from overseas aren't as reliable as they want you to think. Chinese probably using them to spy on you, too."
He continued as my brain tried to reconcile John's two opposing comments. "Weird shit happens at night, man. Before working here, I only worked the day shift. Even when they offered me more money to work nights, I turned it down. Even when they promised me a promotion, I turned them down."
In a previous life, John had worked as a paramedic. He came by it after serving in a medical unit in the army. He'd told me he loved the rush of the job, but after a while, the death and hurt in people's eyes got to be too much to handle. But he worked there for almost twenty years. So, the man had a tolerance for shenanigans and odd occurrences.
"Why'd you agree to work nights here?"
"Shit, we're home before the witching hour. This is like late afternoons, at best. But if it was overnights, hell no. Captain Crunch can anchor his own ship to the shelves. I'd take my ass to 7-11 for a day shift before agreeing to work an overnight."
"Something happen to you during the army?”
“I got the clap,” he offered.
I sighed. “What turned you off nights?"
"Oh. I heard enough stories from coworkers to know I didn't want to experience any of that hoo-doo shit," he said, "trying to save someone's life is hard enough without adding in demon kids and ghosts."
"Did your coworkers see demon kids?" I asked, moving on from the good Captain to the Trix rabbit.
He nodded, "They saw too much. I find it odd, even with all the surveillance we have now and all the science we know about these days, that the night still scares us. You ever know someone who worked a night shift?"
I had. My ex. During college, she worked the overnight desk at a hotel for a while. She quit because the job gave her bad vibes. I told John as much.
He pointed and laughed, "See! Don't you find it odd that every person who works at night always has a story of something eerie happening to them? Every person, buster. That's what they call an irrefutable fact."
"Maybe the ghost running down the hallway is an old employee still doing his rounds."
"In that case, keep that door double locked. I'd even wedge a towel under the door just in case."
"Maybe they're friendly? Casper-like in that way."
"You ever heard someone tell you about a friendly ghost outside the funny papers?"
"I'm sure it happens," I said, "The scary ghosts are more popular though."
“We think we know everything there is to know but we are just babes in the woods when it comes to night things.” John shook his head. "Imma tell you one or three things that happened to a guy I worked with back when I first got hired on to chase after corpses in the ambo. Guy's name was Gil. Quiet man, kept to himself. Didn't rock the boat or demand a bigger paddle. Just rowed with us. Good cat to learn under," John said, finally handing me a cereal box.
I took it, and he kept going, "Now, Gil, ya see, he had a little wifey that would pester him about working days. She was a cop and worked evenings at that time, so they never saw each other. When married people can't align their genitals every now and then, it spells doom."
"A little too much information but sure," I said, shelving another box of Trix.
"Probably part of what happened with you and yours," he said. He wasn't wrong, but that didn't mean I wanted to hear it.
John kept on, "Gil finally got approved to move to nights. Little pay boost and a happy, 'fulfilled' wife should've made that man happy. But it didn't. I saw him a few months later, and he had changed. He might've been quiet when he was working with me, but he'd talk to you if you engaged. When I saw him that time, though, oh boy. He looked sick."
"Wasn't a fan of working nights?"
"Wasn't a fan of living anymore is the feeling I got," John said, "After some prodding, he got to talking with me some. Told me he missed days because the nights were messing with him. I thought it had to do with the schedule change, but that wasn't the case. He said he saw things in the dark he couldn't explain. Things that would turn James Brown into James White, ya dig?"
"I...dig," I said.
"Told me they got a call to an abandoned apartment building one night, around three in the morning. Wasn't unusual. Old buildings in the city are where hop-heads congregate and share drugs. Sometimes, the drugs are too much. Sometimes, they find a person passed out or, worse, dead. When you work in the ambo, you aren't scared of death like a civilian. You've been around it. Probably seen a few folks take their last breaths. It doesn't bother you the way Mother Nature intended it should."
He handed me another box, continuing his assist streak, and kept going, "Ambo pulled up, Gil stepped out and looked for someone to talk to. Nobody there, though. Not uncommon. Some people want to help but not be involved. There's not a soul around. He calls out, but nothing comes back. Tells me he turns to get back in the ambulance when he hears a scream from inside the run-down building. They're calling for help. He's gotta go in the abandoned building in the dark."
"No thanks," I said.
"But it don't bother a medic like that. Gil's done a million of these calls. No big deal. He runs into that building but doesn't come back out until twenty minutes later. Just goes missing. After five, the crew heads in to back him up but can't find him. Gil tells me his crew called the cops. It was like he had vanished."
"What happened?"
"I asked him and he got real quiet. Said he fell into some place that looked like here but wasn't here. Said he felt their eyes on him. Judging him. Told me they followed him home and wouldn't leave him be."
"Who?"
John shrugged, "He didn't say. Shut down after that and left. Just walked past me like I was shit on the sidewalk. He quit about a week later. Heard he had a stroke a year later and was a tombstone owner three months after that. Good guy, though."
"Your aversion to overnights makes a little more sense."
"Never in a million years. You don't want something like that coming after you."
"In my case, could it get much worse?" I said with a half-smile.
"Man, I wouldn't even joke about that," he said, making the sign of the cross, "You don't want that shit attachin' itself to you. With your luck, you'd bring him in here, and it'd hop over to me. I can't have a ghost crimping my style."
After a bit, he got called away to sign off on a delivery. I finished out my shift and headed out to the parking lot. When I exited the building and spotted my car, I froze. My doors were all open, and the interior lights were on. Someone had broken in.
I glanced around the lot to see if the thief was still around, but there wasn't another person near me. I walked over to the car and peered inside. My glovebox had been ripped open, and my registration was pulled out, but nothing else was missing.
I found little hand prints in the dirt all along the body and the windows. I held mine up for comparison, and they were about half the size. It must've been some tweens or teens who did this. Maybe they were going to steal some things and got cold feet. I contemplated calling the cops, but since nothing had happened and they wouldn't do anything anyway, there was no reason to delay sleep any longer than I had to. I closed all the doors and climbed inside.
I started the car and heard something rattling in the AC vents. I pulled out my phone and shined the light at the vent. There was a small piece of paper inside. I looked around my car for some tool to pull it out and only found an ink pen and a bent-up paperclip. After McGuyvering the vent for a bit, the paper finally came out.
I held it up and unfolded it. There was a handwritten note. It simply read, "I know you're here. I know you're hiding him. I will find you both, and then it'll be your turn to run the race. We all have to run at some point."
I had no idea what that meant, but my body still provided goosebumps. Who was trying to find me? Who was the second person? Why leave a note in my AC vent? What the hell did run the race mean? I hadn't run a race since elementary school and wasn't planning to do so any time soon. Did they mean the rat race? Because I was basically marathoning that motherfucker already.
"Jesus Christ," I said, shaking my head. "What else, universe?"
As if it were a well-practiced comedy routine, the universe responded. My back passenger door swung open, and I heard footsteps running away from my car. I sprung up and scrambled to get out. There wasn't anyone else in the lot that I could see, but very clearly, someone had been hiding in my backseat.
My nerves were shot already, and this was not something I wanted to deal with at the moment. My brain decided that to avoid a breakdown, I needed to shift into automatic mode and just get back to the safety of my apartment. I'd be more prepared to deal with this – whatever it was – in the morning.
Either that or I'd jump in front of a bus. Both sounded satisfying, albeit in different ways.
***
"There he is," Gloria said as soon as I turned down the hallway. I looked up and noticed a small cabal of my neighbors standing in a semi-circle, waiting for me. They all look displeased.
"Hey guys," I said, confused. "I miss an invite for a block party?"
"What do you have to say for yourself?"
"About?"
"Don't play dumb," another neighbor said, jabbing their finger in my direction.
"I'm not playing," I said, realizing the self-burn only after the words escaped my lips.
Gloria showed me the screen on her phone. It was a static shot of her door from across the hall. She pressed play, and nothing happened for a beat until something darted across the screen. That was the whole thing. I looked up at her, my face twisted up in confusion.
"Well," she said, "What do you have to say?"
"What was that?" I asked.
"That was you!" the pointing neighbor said, pointing harder than I thought possible.
"What?" I said, laughing. "Are you all serious?" They didn't laugh, and I realized they weren't joking. "How can you even tell it's me? It's a blur. Never mind the fact I've been at work for the last five hours. Plus, this blur is half my size. I get we're all weirded out about the Phantom Runner, but it's not me. I swear to God. I don't even have the energy to think about running, let alone the physical desire to."
"Then explain this," Gloria said, slightly swaying from the half bottle of Pinot Noir coursing through her blood. She rewound the video and froze it on a specific frame. I couldn't believe my eyes, but I was looking at...me. Or, rather, something pretending to be me.
"What the fuck?" I said, my jaw dropping.
"Still think we're lying?" the pointer said smugly.
"No, but, guys, this isn't me. I... I've been at work. Wanna see my schedule?"
I reached into my phone and pulled it out. There was an email with my work schedule that confirmed what I was saying. They relaxed, and, for the first time, anger gave way to fear. Their very plausible explanation was suddenly invalid. It left two implausible answers floating in the ether: either I had a pint-sized doppelganger terrorizing the hallways of my apartment, or a ghost was haunting the building.
"I'm...gonna go inside," the pointer said, walking back to their home. Everyone else drifted away until it was just Gloria and I standing alone in the hallway.
She looked at me and sighed, "I feel like an asshole," she said. "Sorry I accused you of causing the racket."
"If I had seen the video, I would've thought the same thing," I said. "We're good."
"What do you think it is?" she asked.
I shrugged and let out an exhausted sigh. "Honestly, Gloria, I've had a screwed-up night already, and this is the cherry on top of the shit sundae; forgive my language. I don't have the mental bandwidth to even comprehend what's on the video at the moment."
"Think it's after you?" she asked, though I suspected the wine had forced her to put that idea out into the universe. As I had already seen, the universe seemed to take requests on my behalf.
"Maybe it's after you?" I said, coming off a little meaner than I intended, but I didn't care. I left her there to contemplate that scenario and went into my apartment.
As soon as the door shut behind me, I felt on edge. Just because I didn't have the mental bandwidth to discuss the doppelganger didn't mean it wasn't dominating my thoughts. I saw the frame of the video. The damn ghost looked exactly like me. What could that possibly mean? I know I had wished for death, but I was very still alive. I had rent due to prove that.
Did I happen to live in a place haunted by a ghost that looked strikingly like me? Was it some kid with a passing resemblance just causing chaos? Was it something else I couldn't even comprehend – an alien? A clone? A secret government project?
There was a thumping coming from the hallway. The mini Usain Bolt was at it again. I knew the neighbors would ignore it. Since they had all thought it was me, which was proven to be untrue, they would avoid the running man from now on. While curious and confused by the creature, they'd never put themselves in harm's way to discover what it was. They were not a brave lot.
Neither was I, but maybe my life crumbling around me had forced my hand. I walked over to my door and swung it open. I hit record on my phone, stuck it out like a periscope, and glanced around the hallway. Nobody was there. No neighbors were looking. No person was running.
"You gotta stop, man. I need to go to sleep," I said to the empty space. No response, not that I was expecting one.
I turned to walk back in, and I caught something out of the corner of my eye. A face at the end of the hallway peeked around the corner. For a quick second, we locked eyes, and it was like I was looking into a mirror. This thing was me. But...how?
I tried to get it on video, but it ducked back into the shadows. I took that as a cue to shut and lock my door. My heart was racing, and I didn't want to think about this anymore, but I couldn't help it. There was a me in the hallway who enjoyed pestering my neighbors. Worse, they liked to run for some ungodly reason.
I put my phone on the counter, the video still rolling, when there was a knock at my door. It echoed in my near-empty apartment. I tried to ignore it and convince myself it was something else, but it wasn't. The ghost was knocking on my door. Even with my brain paralyzed, I couldn't help but think that it was awfully polite to knock.
Another knock, this one more forceful. I wondered if the neighbors thought I was making this up?
"I know you're in there," a voice said. It sounded just like me. "This is about the race. We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I froze. My legs went wobbly like a boxer on the brink of a blackout, but I stayed tall. I opened my mouth to speak and found the words dying in my throat. I grabbed a nearby bottle of water and took a chug.
"We all have to run the race."
"What race?" I choked out, "What are you talking about?"
"Open up. They're in there already, and I need to get them."
I glanced all around my empty apartment. I didn't see anyone else in here. I didn't hear anything. Whatever this thing was, it was lying. I grabbed my phone and held it in my hand. I wanted to document this to prove that I wasn't crazy.
“Did you leave the note?”
“I know they’re in there with you,” it repeated.
"There's no one in here," I said.
"They're hiding. I think I know where. I can hear them."
"You've gotta get out of here," I said. "There's nothing here, and you're scaring people."
"I'm scared, and you should be! You have to run the race, man! Open up, and I can show you."
The handle started to shake. I peered through the keyhole and only saw the top of the other me's head. They began to shoulder the door, and it crunched against my nose. I screamed out in pain and stumbled back. I tripped over my feet and landed hard on my ass.
The thing slammed into the door two more times, shaking the walls. The strength seemed unnatural. On the third hit, the door burst open. I finally got a view of the thing. It was me. Scaled down by half, but it was me. We both seemed shocked.
"You're so much taller up close," the other me said.
"Who the fuck are you?"
I felt a buzzing in my feet that seemed to climb up my body until it reached my brain. There was an intense pain that rippled through the folds of my mind. Through the pain, I could hear a disembodied voice whisper, "We all must run the race. We all have to run. Chase it. Chase yourself." It felt like my skull was going to split in two. I clutched the sides of my head and let out a primal scream that hurt my own ears.
Then it was gone. But I could still feel the echoes in my mind. "We all have to run the race. We all have to run." The thought would waver between making no sense and making complete sense. One second, I was questioning what was happening to my mind, and the next, all I felt was the desire to continue the race.
"There he is!" the other me yelled, pointing at the hallway.
I glanced over and saw another version of me standing in the hallway. It was half the size of the other me that had broken into my place. When tiny me locked eyes with my intruder, he ran for the open hallway closet.
The other me followed, screaming that it would catch the little bastard if it was the last thing he'd do. I pushed myself up to my feet and felt queasy. I watched as the other me ran head-first into the closet without slowing. I expected to hear a loud thump as it hit the back wall but none came.
"We all have to run the race," the voice in my head said, soothing my nerves. "It's your time to run the race."
I moved down the hallway, each footfall echoing loudly in the empty apartment, each step bringing me closer to the closet door. Something was drawing me there. The voice's words echoed in my mind as well: "We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I grabbed the door and stopped. Something was compelling me to move forward. To go into the closet. To chase myself. To run the race.
"No," I whispered and yanked my hand from the door. I pulled out my still recording phone, and stared into the camera. My face was devoid of color, and you could see the fear etched into me. "I'm freaking out because...because…"
I stopped. I felt an invisible hand grab my body and tug. "Because...because if I don't run the race, something bad will happen. I have to chase it. I...I have to."
My phone dropped from my hand, and I didn’t care. The force pulling me forward stopped but my body kept going. I could feel the last strands of my rational mind splintering. My thoughts became focused on one thing: I had to catch myself, find out what was happening, and run the race. If I ran, maybe I'd win.
I needed a win.
I walked into the back of the closet and felt a door handle sticking out of the wall. I'd been in that closet a million times before and never had seen this. But a sense of calm washed over me. This….this was supposed to be here. This was perfectly fine.
I turned the handle and pulled open the invisible door. In front of me was a hallway that looked strikingly like the one outside my apartment. At the end of the hallway, I saw Gloria step out of their home to leave for the night. She was huge. Twice my size, easy.
Another door opened, and I saw...me—a giant version of me. The Hulk version of me was getting ready to go to the grocery store for work. I watched as the giant Gloria and giant me joked and laughed. I was stunned.
I stared, and a new thought came to me. I have to find the smaller me and talk to it. I needed to find out if there's a way out of this...this….
"It's your turn to run," the voice said.
Calm embraced me. "It's my turn to run," I repeated. As the giant me took off and the giant Gloria re-entered her apartment, the hallway beckoned.
"We all have to run the race," I said softly, "It's my turn now."
I started running.
2024.05.22 00:23 when_in_doubt__doubt One of my closest friends and coworkers tried to assault me at her party.
On Saturday, my (F/NB23) very close friend and coworker Hannah (F24) and her boyfriend Chris (M24) threw a late Cinco de Mayo party for a few of our coworkers and some of the girlfriends. There were 10 of us in total.
I was at the party from 7pm to 1am but the party lasted until 2am. Very important detail: I do not drink, and I was the only sober one. We've had plenty of parties before where I was the only sober one and we've never had any problems. Hannah was more trashed than normal this time though. When she's only drunk, Hannah is mostly herself but more goofy and loud. I learned on Saturday that when she is trashed, she's a completely different person. She is pushy, aggressive, and gets angry.
I'll do my best to properly paint the picture. We were all in the kitchen. 4 people were playing pong on the island, everyone else spectating. I was tucked in the corner of the counter, as in my ass was tucked in the L shape the counter makes. I was taking tons of pictures throughout the night, so I can easily recollect a lot of these details. At some point, Hannah turns around to talk to me. She puts her left arm on my right shoulder, pins me in the L-shape crook of the counter and presses herself against me. Immediately, she goes in for a kiss. I lean back, tell her no, and try to nicely get her off of me. Then she gets mad. Hannah says "What the hell!? My best friend and I make out all the time when we're drunk. Gimme a kiss," and immediately goes for it again. At that point, I push her off of me and walk to the other side of the apartment. In the moment, I was just like "that was weird as hell," but the more I thought about it, the worse I felt. All of this was right next to her boyfriend, and he didn't even react. Hannah left me alone after that.
Something I don't open up to a lot of people about is how many times I've been assaulted in my life. This is a bit out of character because I am such an open person about literally anything else. I cried to my mom about this today (the following Tuesday) and then admitted that I had been assaulted a lot previously. I'm very close to my mom and I didn't even tell her about any of these previous assaults. I feel like I have to make this distinction even though I really don't, but I have never been raped. I have been touched, held, groped, pinned, and other very traumatic things. Hannah was aware that I have been assaulted before but nothing more.
What Hannah had done was something my first boyfriend, Andrew, did to me a lot in our very short 2 months together. The first time he tried to kiss me, he grabbed my face and went in for it while we were in the car. I had to grab his face and shove him away. (Don't ask me why I still dated him, I have no idea either.) He tried to fuck me in the car on another occasion by climbing on top of me. He pinned me down onto a fallen tree in the woods and touched me and kissed me. He ...you get the point. Andrew was not the first nor last person to assault me.
What's destroying me the most is that she was the closest and basically only friend I have in this area. We all work in an office together, and I literally couldn't go to work today out of fear of seeing her (she was out yesterday). Hannah has an important interview tomorrow morning, then afterwards I'm going to tell her that I need space and our relationship needs to stay purely professional now. I can almost guarantee you she doesn't remember this occurring because she was so drunk. I asked two other people and they don't remember either.
Tldr; My coworker and close friend tried to assault me while very drunk (and I sober) at a party next to her boyfriend. Now, I have to face her about it and ask for space.
submitted by when_in_doubt__doubt to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
I was at the party from 7pm to 1am but the party lasted until 2am. Very important detail: I do not drink, and I was the only sober one. We've had plenty of parties before where I was the only sober one and we've never had any problems. Hannah was more trashed than normal this time though. When she's only drunk, Hannah is mostly herself but more goofy and loud. I learned on Saturday that when she is trashed, she's a completely different person. She is pushy, aggressive, and gets angry.
I'll do my best to properly paint the picture. We were all in the kitchen. 4 people were playing pong on the island, everyone else spectating. I was tucked in the corner of the counter, as in my ass was tucked in the L shape the counter makes. I was taking tons of pictures throughout the night, so I can easily recollect a lot of these details. At some point, Hannah turns around to talk to me. She puts her left arm on my right shoulder, pins me in the L-shape crook of the counter and presses herself against me. Immediately, she goes in for a kiss. I lean back, tell her no, and try to nicely get her off of me. Then she gets mad. Hannah says "What the hell!? My best friend and I make out all the time when we're drunk. Gimme a kiss," and immediately goes for it again. At that point, I push her off of me and walk to the other side of the apartment. In the moment, I was just like "that was weird as hell," but the more I thought about it, the worse I felt. All of this was right next to her boyfriend, and he didn't even react. Hannah left me alone after that.
Something I don't open up to a lot of people about is how many times I've been assaulted in my life. This is a bit out of character because I am such an open person about literally anything else. I cried to my mom about this today (the following Tuesday) and then admitted that I had been assaulted a lot previously. I'm very close to my mom and I didn't even tell her about any of these previous assaults. I feel like I have to make this distinction even though I really don't, but I have never been raped. I have been touched, held, groped, pinned, and other very traumatic things. Hannah was aware that I have been assaulted before but nothing more.
What Hannah had done was something my first boyfriend, Andrew, did to me a lot in our very short 2 months together. The first time he tried to kiss me, he grabbed my face and went in for it while we were in the car. I had to grab his face and shove him away. (Don't ask me why I still dated him, I have no idea either.) He tried to fuck me in the car on another occasion by climbing on top of me. He pinned me down onto a fallen tree in the woods and touched me and kissed me. He ...you get the point. Andrew was not the first nor last person to assault me.
What's destroying me the most is that she was the closest and basically only friend I have in this area. We all work in an office together, and I literally couldn't go to work today out of fear of seeing her (she was out yesterday). Hannah has an important interview tomorrow morning, then afterwards I'm going to tell her that I need space and our relationship needs to stay purely professional now. I can almost guarantee you she doesn't remember this occurring because she was so drunk. I asked two other people and they don't remember either.
Tldr; My coworker and close friend tried to assault me while very drunk (and I sober) at a party next to her boyfriend. Now, I have to face her about it and ask for space.
2024.05.21 23:31 mthw704 (SELLING) BIG LIST OF 4K/HD/SD CODES. Nice variety of movies with a good $2 list. Over 5,000 transactions.
The Big List
Prices are firm. Please only redeem the portion of a code you are paying for. All codes are for immediate redemption. All Disney & Sony codes include points unless otherwise noted.I accept Cashapp, Venmo, Zelle & PayPal F&F without any notes. Comment & pm if interested. Thanks!
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MISC
Expendables 1-4 HD $7 (Vudu)Oppenheimer 4K $7 (MA)
Saw 7 Film Collection HD [1-7] [Unrated] $5 (Vudu)
Saw 9 Film Collection HD [1-7 + Jigsaw + Spiral] $8 (Vudu)
X-Men Trilogy HD [X-Men, X2 & The Last Stand] $8 (MA)
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$5 4K UHDJohn Wick 1-3 (iTunes)
Super Mario Bros. Movie, The [2023] (MA + Universal Rewards points)
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$4 4K UHD
Alien [1979] (iTunes/ports)Aliens [1986] (iTunes/ports)
Avengers: Infinity War (MA + 200 points)
Beauty & The Beast [1991] (MA + 200 points)
Big Lebowski, The (iTunes/ports)
Black Panther (MA + 200 points)
Captain Marvel (MA + 200 points)
Despicable Me [2010] (iTunes/ports)
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (iTunes)
Expendables 4 (Vudu or iTunes)
Fast Five [Extended] (MA)
Firm, The [1993] (Vudu)
Frozen 2 [2019] (MA + 200 points)
Guardians Of The Galaxy [2014] (MA + 200 points)
Halloween [2018] (MA)
Hocus Pocus [1993] (MA + 200 points)
Hunger Games: The Ballad Of Songbirds & Snakes (Vudu or iTunes)
John Wick 4 (Vudu or iTunes)
Jungleland [2020] (iTunes)
Maleficent: Mistress Of Evil (MA + 200 points)
Scream [2022] (Vudu or iTunes)
Silent Night [2023] (Vudu or iTunes)
Solo [2018] (MA + 200 points)
Tangled [2010] (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (iTunes)
Transformers: Rise Of The Beasts (iTunes)
Unbearable Weight Of Massive Talent, The (Vudu or iTunes)
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$5 HD
Adventures Of Ichabod & Mr. Toad, The [1949] (MA + 150 points)Elemental [2023] (MA + 150 points)
Fantasia [1940] (MA + 150 points)
Fantasia 2000 (MA + 150 points)
Fear The Walking Dead season 2 (Vudu)
Fear The Walking Dead season 4 (Vudu)
Fear The Walking Dead season 5 (Vudu)
Fear The Walking Dead season 6 (Vudu)
Fear The Walking Dead season 7 (Vudu) or all 5 for $20
Five Nights At Freddy's [2023] (MA)
Groundhog Day [1993] + Stripes [1981] double feature (MA)
Hunchback Of Notre Dame, The [1996] (MA + 150 points)
Hunchback Of Notre Dame 2, The [2002] (MA + 150 points)
Iron Claw, The [2023] (Vudu)
Lady & The Tramp II: Scamps Adventure [2001] (MA + 150 points)
Night Swim [2024] (MA)
Silent Night, Deadly Night 3,4 & 5 (Vudu)
Veep season 5 (iTunes)
Veep season 6 (iTunes) or both for $8
Wonka [2023] (MA)
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$4 HD
Ant Man & The Wasp: Quantumania [2023] (MA + 150 points)Better Call Saul season 1 (Vudu)
BFG, The [2016] (MA + 150 points)
Blue Beetle [2023] (MA)
Bridge On The River Kwai + The Guns Of The Navarone, The double feature (MA)
Davinci Code, The [2006] + Angels & Demons [2009] double feature (MA)
Day After Tomorrow, The [2004] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Do The Right Thing [1989] (iTunes/ports)
Fox & The Hound 2, The [2006] (MA + 150 points)
Haunting In Venice, The [2023] (MA + 150 points)
Lion King 1 & ½, The [2004] (MA + 150 points)
Need For Speed [2014] (MA + 150 points)
Paw Patrol: The Mighty Movie (Vudu HD or iTunes 4K)
Peter Pan [1953) (MA + 150 points)
Peter Pan: Return To Neverland [2002] (MA + 150 points)
Rosemary's Baby [1968] (Vudu HD or iTunes 4K)
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$3️⃣ Movies
$3 4K UHD
Angel Has Fallen (Vudu or iTunes)Ant Man [2015] (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Baywatch (Vudu)
Birds, The [1963] (iTunes/ports)
Bourne Identity, The [2002] (iTunes/ports)
Bourne Supremacy, The (iTunes/ports)
Bourne Ultimatum, The (iTunes/ports)
Cabin In The Woods, The (Vudu)
Doctor Strange (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Dredd (Vudu)
Fast & The Furious, The [2001] (MA)
Gone Girl [2014] (iTunes/ports)
Guardians Of The Galaxy [2014] (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Heat [1995] (iTunes/ports)
Hell Or High Water (Vudu or iTunes)
House Of Gucci (iTunes)
Independence Day [1996] (iTunes/ports)
Knives Out [2019] (Vudu or iTunes)
Little Mermaid, The [1989] (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Logan Lucky [2017] (iTunes/ports)
Moana (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
mother! [2017] (iTunes)
No Time To Die (iTunes + Universal Rewards points
Prometheus [2012] (iTunes/ports)
Protégé, The [2021] (Vudu or iTunes)
Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes [2010] (iTunes/ports)
Robin Hood [2018] (Vudu)
Sicario (Vudu)
Spy Who Dumped Me, The (Vudu or iTunes)
Titanic [1997] (iTunes)
Top Gun (iTunes)
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$3 HD
Alien3 [1992] [Theatrical] (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)Alien Resurrection (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
A Quiet Place Part II (Vudu HD or iTunes 4K)
Avatar: The Way Of Water (MA + 150 points)
Baby Driver [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Billy Elliot: The Musical Live [2014] (iTunes/ports)
Birdman [2014] (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
Birds Of Prey [2020] (MA)
Bloodshot [2020] (MA + Sony points)
Bridge Of Spies [2015] (MA + 150 points)
Call Me By Your Name (MA + Sony points)
Candyman: Day Of The Dead (Vudu or Google Play)
Cats & Dogs 3: Paws Unite (MA)
Celebrating Mickey [2018] (MA + 150 points)
Chicago [2001] (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Christine [1983] (MA + Sony points)
Clifford The Big Red Dog [2021] (Vudu HD or iTunes 4K)
Color Purple, The [2023] (MA)
Desperation Road [2023] (Vudu HD or iTunes 4K)
Disneynature: Bears [2014] (MA + 150 points)
Expendables 1-3, The (Vudu)
Django Unchained (iTunes)
Fast X [2023] (MA + Universal Rewards points)
Fruitvale Station (Vudu)
Glass [2019] (MA)
Goosebumps [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Grand Budapest Hotel, The (MA or Google Play/ports)
Green Room [A24] (Vudu)
Grown Ups 2 (MA + Sony points)
Hundred Foot Journey, The [2014] (MA + 150 points)
Into The Woods [2014] (MA + 150 points)
Justice League x RWBY: Superheroes & Huntsmen Part One [2023] (MA)
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (Vudu)
Killing Gunther (Vudu)
Killing Lincoln [2013] (MA)
Let Him Go [2020] (MA)
Lion King, The [1994] (MA + 150 points)
Little House On The Prairie season 5 (Vudu)
Lost City, The [2022] (Vudu HD or iTunes 4K)
Man From Toronto, The [2022] (MA)
Midsommar [A24] (Vudu or Google Play)
Mindcage (Vudu or iTunes)
Money Monster [2016] (MA + Sony points)
Nightmare Alley [2021] (MA
Orange Is The New Black season 1 (Vudu)
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (iTunes/ports)
Pete's Dragon [2016] (MA + 150 points)
Planes: Fire & Rescue [2014] (MA + 150 points)
Pope's Exorcist, The [2023] (MA)
Pride + Prejudice + Zombies [2016] (MA + Sony points)
Promising Young Woman [2020] (MA)
Public Enemies [2009] (MA)
Punisher, The [2004] (Vudu or Google Play)
Queen Of Katwe [2016] (MA + 150 points)
Ray [2004] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Robin Hood [1973] (MA + 150 points)
Scoob! [2020] (MA)
Secret Life Of Pets 2, The [2019] (MA)
Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs [1937] (MA + 150 points)
Spider-Man: Into The Spiderverse (MA + Sony points)
Secret: Dare To Dream, The (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Top Gun: Maverick (Vudu HD or iTunes 4K)
Tyler Perry's Madea Goes To Jail (Vudu or Google Play)
Us [2019] (MA)
Vanishing, The [2019] (Vudu or Google Play)
Venture Bros: Radiant Is The Blood Of The Baboon Heart [2023] (MA)
Violent Night [2022] (MA)
Walking Dead season 9, The (Vudu or Google Play)
Walking Dead season 10, The (Vudu or Google Play)
Whiplash [2014] (MA + Sony points)
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$2 CODES
$2 HD
13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers Of Benghazi (iTunes 4K)1917 [2019] (MA)
31 [2016] (Vudu)
3 From Hell [Unrated] (Vudu 4K or iTunes 4K)
About Last Night [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (MA)
Action Point [2018] (Vudu)
Admission [2013] (iTunes/ports)
Adventures Of Tintin, The (Vudu or iTunes)
After Earth [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Age Of Adaline, The (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Alien Covenant (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA/GP)
Alita: Battle Angel [2019] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Allied [2016] (iTunes 4K)
Alpha [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Alpha & Omega 2: A Howl-lday Adventure (Vudu)
Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Road Chip (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
American Girl: Isabelle Dances Into The Spotlight (MA)
American Hustle [2013] (MA + Sony points)
American Reunion [Unrated] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (Vudu or iTunes)
Annie [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Arrival [2016] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Assassin's Creed (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Atomic Blonde (MA)
Avengers: Infinity War (MA + 150 points/no iTunes option)
Battleship [2012] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Baywatch (iTunes 4K)
Beauty & The Beast [2017] (MA + 150 points/iTunes option is expired)
Before I Fall [2017] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Beirut [2018] (MA)
Ben-Hur [2016] (Vudu)
Best Man Holiday, The [2013] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Big Short, The [2015] (Vudu or iTunes)
Blackhat [2015] (iTunes/ports)
Bohemian Rhapsody (MA or Google Play/ports)
Book Club [2018] (iTunes 4K)
Boss Baby, The [2017] (MA)
Bourne Legacy, The (iTunes/ports 4K)
Boy, The [2016] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Boyhood [2014] (iTunes)
Boy Next Door, The [2015] (iTunes/ports)
Breakthrough [2019] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Bridesmaids [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Broken City [2013] (MA)
Bumblebee (Vudu)
Cabin In The Woods, The (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Captain America: Civil War (MA only/no points or iTunes option)
Captain Phillips [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie (MA)
Case For Christ, The [2017] (MA)
Choice, The [2016] (Vudu or iTunes)
Company Of Heroes [2013] (MA)
Contraband (iTunes/ports)
Curse Of Chucky [2013] [Unrated] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Daddy's Home (iTunes 4K)
Daddy's Home 2 (iTunes 4K)
Danny Collins (iTunes/ports)
Dark Tower, The [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Dead Again In Tombstone [2017] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Dead In Tombstone [Unrated] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Dead Man Down [2013] (MA)
Deadpool 2 [2018] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Deepwater Horizon (iTunes 4K)
Despicable Me 2 (iTunes/ports 4K)
Despicable Me 3 [2017] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Devil's Due [2014] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
Django Unchained (Vudu)
Dom Hemingway [2014] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Downton Abbey [2019] (MA)
Dracula Untold (iTunes/ports 4K)
Dragonheart 3: The Sorcerer's Curse (iTunes/ports)
Dredd [2012] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Dr. Seuss’ How The Grinch Stole Christmas [2000] (MA)
Duff, The (iTunes or Google Play)
Emoji Movie, The [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Ender's Game (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Epic [2013] (MA)
Equalizer, The [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Equalizer 2, The (MA + Sony points)
Escape From Planet Earth (Vudu)
Ex Machina (Vudu)
F9: The Fast Saga [2021] [Theatrical & Extended] (MA + Universal Rewards points)
Fate Of The Furious [F8] [Theatrical] (MA 4K)
Fences [2016] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Fifty Shades Darker [2017] [Unrated] (MA 4K)
Fifty Shades Of Grey (iTunes/ports 4K)
Finding Dory (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA + 150 points)
Flight [2012] (Vudu or iTunes)
Fortress [2021] (Vudu or Google Play)
Fury [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Game Of Thrones season 1 (iTunes)
Game Of Thrones season 2 (Vudu or iTunes)
Game Of Thrones season 5 (iTunes)
Get On Up [2014] (iTunes/ports)
Get Out [2017] (MA)
Ghost Team One [2013] (Vudu or iTunes)
Gifted [2017] (MA or Google Play/ports, iTunes option is expired)
God Bless The Broken Road (Vudu or Google Play)
Gods Not Dead 2 [2016] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Gods Of Egypt (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Grey, The [2012] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol.2 (MA + 150 points/no iTunes option)
Guilt Trip, The [2012] (Vudu)
Hacksaw Ridge (Vudu or Google Play/iTunes option expired)
Hail, Caesar [2016] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Halloween [2018] (MA)
Heat, The [2013] [Theatrical] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Heaven Is For Real [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Hell Or High Water (Vudu or Google Play)
Hercules [2014] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Hitman's Bodyguard, The (Vudu or Google Play/iTunes option is expired)
Home [2015] [DreamWorks] (MA)
Homefront [2013] (iTunes/ports)
Honey 2 [2011] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Hotel Transylvania 2 [2015] (MA + Sony points)
How To Train Your Dragon 2 (MA)
Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, The (iTunes 4K or Google Play HD)
Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2, The (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Hurricane Heist, The (Vudu 4K or iTunes 4K)
Instant Family (iTunes 4K)
Invisible Man, The [1933] (MA)
It Follows [2015] (Vudu)
Jackass 3 [Theatrical] (Vudu or iTunes)
Jack Reacher (Vudu)
Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (Vudu)
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (iTunes 4K)
Jason Bourne [2016] (iTunes/ports 4K)
John Henry [2020] (Vudu)
John Wick (iTunes 4K)
John Wick 1 & 2 (Vudu or Google Play)
John Wick: Chapter 2 (iTunes 4K)
John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum (iTunes 4K) or all 3 for $5
Joy [2015] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle (MA + Sony points)
Jurassic World (iTunes/ports 4K)
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (MA)
Justice [2017] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Kick-Ass 2 [2013] (MA)
Kidnap [2017] (iTunes/ports)
Killer Elite (iTunes/ports)
Kingsman: The Secret Service (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Last Witch Hunter, The [2015] (iTunes 4K or Google Play)
Let's Be Cops [2014] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Life Of Pi (iTunes/ports 4K)
Lockout [2012] [Unrated] (MA + Sony points)
Logan Lucky [2017] (MA)
Lone Survivor [2013] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Longest Ride, The (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Looper [2012] (MA + Sony points)
Lorax, The [2012] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Love, Simon [2018] (MA)
Lucy [2014] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Maleficent (iTunes/ports 4K + 150 points)
Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again [2018] (MA)
Marauders (Vudu)
Marine 4: Moving Target, The [2015] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Martian, The [2015] [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Mary Poppins [1964] (MA + 150 points)
Maze Runner, The [2014] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Mechanic: Resurrection (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Men In Black 3 (MA + Sony points)
MI-5 [2015] (Vudu)
Mindgamers [2017] (MA)
Miracles From Heaven (MA + Sony points)
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (iTunes 4K)
Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Monuments Men, The [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Mortal Instruments: The City Of Bones, The [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Mother's Day [2016] (MA)
Murder On The Orient Express [2017] (MA or Google Play/ports)
My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 (iTunes/ports)
Neighbors [2014] (iTunes/ports)
Night At The Museum: Secret Of The Tomb (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Noah [2014] (Vudu)
Non-Stop [2014] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Norm Of The North (Vudu or iTunes)
Now You See Me 2 (iTunes 4K)
Nurse Jackie season 7 (Vudu)
Nut Job, The [2014] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Oblivion [2013] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Orange Is The New Black season 2 (Vudu)
Ouija [2014] (MA)
Oz: The Great & Powerful (MA + 100 points)
Paddington (Vudu)
Paper Towns [2015] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA/GP)
Paranormal Activity [2009] [Theatrical] (iTunes)
Paranormal Activity 2 [Unrated Director's Cut] (Vudu or iTunes)
Paranormal Activity 3 [Extended] (Vudu or iTunes)
Paranormal Activity 4 [Unrated] (iTunes)
Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones [Theatrical] (iTunes)
Passengers [2016] (MA + Sony points)
Paul [2011] [Unrated] (iTunes/ports)
Percy Jackson: Sea Of Monsters (MA or Google Play/ports)
Pet Sematary [2019] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Pitch Perfect (iTunes/ports 4K)
Pitch Perfect 2 (iTunes/ports 4K)
Planes, Trains & Automobiles (Vudu)
Predator, The [2018] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Prometheus (MA or Google Play/ports, no iTunes option)
Protector 2, The [2014] (Vudu)
Proud Mary [2018] (MA)
Pulp Fiction (Vudu)
Quiet Place, A [2018] (iTunes 4K)
Ralph Breaks The Internet (MA + 150 points/no iTunes option)
Red Dawn [2012] (Vudu or Google Play)
Redemption [2013] (Vudu)
Replicas [2019] (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Riddick [2013] [Unrated] (MA or iTunes/ports)
R.I.P.D. Rest In Peace Department (iTunes/ports 4K)
Rise Of The Guardians [2011] (MA)
Risen [2016] (MA + Sony points)
Robin Hood [2018] (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Rock Dog (iTunes)
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (iTunes/ports 4K + 150 points)
Rush [2013] (MA)
Saban's Power Rangers (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Savages [2012] [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Scarface [1983] (MA)
Scorpion King 3: Battle For Redemption (iTunes/ports)
Secret Life Of Pets, The (MA 4K or iTunes/ports 4K)
Seventh Son [2015] (iTunes/ports)
Sex Tape [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Show Dogs [2018] (MA)
Sicario (iTunes 4K)
Silver Linings Playbook (Vudu or Google Play)
Simple Favor, A [2018] (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Sing [2016] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Sinister (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Sisters [2015] [Unrated] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Skyscraper [2018] (MA)
Smurfs, The [2011] (MA)
Snow White & The Huntsman [2012] [Extended] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Sparkle [2012] (MA)
Spider-Man: Homecoming [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Spider-Man: No Way Home [2021] (MA + Sony points)
Split [2017] (MA)
Spotlight [2015] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Spy [2015] [Unrated] (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
Star Trek [2009] (iTunes 4K)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA + 150 points)
Step Up All In [2014] (Vudu)
Step Up Revolution (Vudu or Google Play)
Straight Outta Compton [Unrated] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Super 8 (Vudu)
Super Buddies (MA without points)
Terminator: Genisys (iTunes 4K)
Texas Chainsaw [2013] (Vudu)
Top Gun (Vudu)
Total Recall [2012] [Theatrical & Director's Cut] (MA + Sony points)
Tower Heist [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Tremors: A Cold Day In Hell (MA)
True Blood season 4 (iTunes)
True Grit [2010] (Vudu or iTunes)
Tyler Perry's A Madea Family Funeral (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (iTunes 4K)
Under The Skin [A24] (Vudu)
Underworld: Awakening [2012] (MA + Sony points)
Underworld: Blood Wars (MA + Sony points)
Vendetta [2016] (Vudu)
Venom [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Walk Among The Tombstones, A (iTunes/ports)
Walking With Dinosaurs: The Movie (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
War Room [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Why Him? [2016] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Wolf Of Wall Street, The (Vudu)
Wolverine, The [2013] [Unleashed Extended Edition] (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
Woman In Black, The [2012] (MA)
Wonder [2017] (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Wonder Park [2019] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Woodlawn [2015] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Your Highness [2011] [Unrated] (iTunes/ports)
Zootopia (MA without points)
🦝
$2 SD
127 Hours (iTunes/ports)12 Rounds [2009] [Extreme Cut] (iTunes/ports)
Aliens In The Attic (iTunes/ports)
Amelia (iTunes/ports)
Beasts Of The Southern Wild (iTunes/ports)
Black Swan (iTunes/ports)
Body Of Lies (iTunes/ports)
Boondock Saints, The [2000] (iTunes/ports)
Date Night [Unrated Extended Edition] (iTunes/ports)
Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears A Who! (ITunes/ports)
Gulliver's Travels (iTunes/ports)
Percy Jackson double feature [Lightning Thief & Sea of Monsters] (MA)
Ramona & Beezus (iTunes/ports)
Unstoppable [2010) (iTunes/ports)
🦝
$1 Codes
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Alex Cross (Vudu)Bad Grandpa [Theatrical] (Vudu or iTunes)
Bad Moms (iTunes/ports)
Battleship [2012] (MA)
Big Hero 6 (Google Play/ports)
Book Club (Vudu)
Bourne Legacy, The (MA)
Bring It On: Worldwide Cheersmack [2017] (iTunes/ports)
Deadpool (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA/GP)
Despicable Me 3 (MA)
Divergent (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Divergent Series: Insurgent, The (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Duff, The [2015] (Vudu)
Expendables 2, The (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Expendables 3, The [Theatrical] (iTunes 4K or Google Play HD)
Fast & Furious 6, The [Extended] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Fast & The Furious, The [2001] (MA)
Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift, The (MA)
Fast Five [Extended] (MA)
Fate Of The Furious, The [8] [Theatrical or Extended] (MA)
Fault In Our Stars, The (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Frozen: Sing Along Edition (MA without points)
Furious 7 [Extended] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Ghost In The Shell [2017] (Vudu)
G.I. Joe: Retaliation (Vudu)
Girls Trip [2017] (MA)
Good Day To Die Hard, A (MA or Google Play/ports)
Hillsong: Let Hope Rise [2016] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Hunger Games, The [2012] (iTunes 4K or Google Play HD)
Hunger Games: Catching Fire, The (iTunes 4K or Google Play HD)
Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, The (Vudu)
Huntsman: Winter's War, The [2016] [Extended] (MA)
Identity Thief [2013] [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
I, Frankenstein (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (Vudu)
Jason Bourne (MA)
Kung Fu Panda 3 (MA)
Leprechaun: Origins (Vudu)
Lucy (MA)
Mission Impossible: Fallout (Vudu)
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (Vudu)
Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation (Vudu) or both for $2.50
Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor (MA)
Now You See Me [Extended] (Vudu or iTunes)
Oblivion [2013] (MA)
Parental Guidance [2012] (MA)
Peppermint (iTunes)
Perks Of Being A Wallflower, The (Vudu or Google Play)
Pitch Perfect (MA)
Quiet Place, A (Vudu)
Ride Along 2 (MA)
RIPD Rest In Peace Department (MA)
Safe [2012] (Vudu or Google Play)
Secret Life Of Pets, The (MA)
Selma (iTunes)
Shack, The [2017] (iTunes)
Skyfall (Vudu or Google Play)
Snitch (iTunes 4K or Vudu/Google Play HD)
Son Of God [2014] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Star Trek: Beyond (Vudu)
Taken 2 (MA or Google Play/ports)
Ted [Unrated] (MA) or [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles [2014] (Vudu)
Terminator: Genisys (Vudu)
Transformers: Age Of Extinction (iTunes 4K)
Transformers: Dark Of The Moon (Vudu)
Trolls [2017] (MA)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (iTunes 4K)
Tyler Perry's Madea's Witness Protection (iTunes)
Tyler Perry's Temptation: Confessions Of A Marriage Counselor (Vudu or Google Play)
Unbroken [2014] (MA)
Warm Bodies (Vudu)
What To Expect When You're Expecting (iTunes)
World War Z (Vudu)
Zootopia (Google Play/ports)
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💲1 SD
21 Jump Street (MA + Sony points)Act Of Valor (iTunes)
After Earth [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Alpha [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (iTunes/ports)
Amazing Spider-Man, The [2012] (MA)
Amazing Spider-Man 2, The [2014] (MA + Sony points)
American Hustle [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Bad Boys For Life [2020] (MA + Sony points)
Big Mommas Like Father, Like Son (iTunes/ports)
Bloodshot [2020] (MA + Sony points)
Captain Phillips (MA + Sony points)
Charlie's Angels [2019] (MA + Sony points)
Clash Of The Titans [2010] (iTunes/ports)
Concussion [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Dirty 30 (Vudu)
Dog's Way Home, A [2019] (MA + Sony points)
Elysium [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Evil Dead [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Fantastic Mr. Fox (iTunes/ports)
Forbidden Kingdom, The (iTunes)
From Paris With Love (iTunes)
Gamer (iTunes)
Ghostbusters: Afterlife [2021] (MA + Sony points)
Glee: The Concert (iTunes/ports)
Goosebumps [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Goosebumps 2 [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Hall Pass [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Hangover, The [Theatrical] [2009] (iTunes/ports)
Haywire (iTunes)
Heat, The [2013] (iTunes/ports SD)
Here Comes The Boom [2012] (MA + Sony points)
Hotel Transylvania 2 (MA + Sony points)
Hotel Transylvania 3 (MA + Sony points)
Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs (iTunes/ports)
Immortals [2011] (iTunes)
Insidious: Chapter 3 (MA + Sony points)
Insidious: The Last Key (MA + Sony points)
Journey To Bethlehem [2023] (MA + Sony points)
Kick-Ass [2010] (iTunes)
Knight & Day (iTunes/ports)
Looper [2012] (MA + Sony points)
Machete (iTunes/ports)
Men In Black III [2012] (MA + Sony points)
Mirror Mirror [2012] (iTunes)
Mortal Instruments: The City Of Bones (MA + Sony points)
Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian (iTunes/ports)
No Good Deed [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Once Upon A Time In Hollywood [2019] (MA + Sony points)
Orange Is The New Black season 1 (Vudu)
Overcomer [2019] (MA + Sony points)
Parker [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (iTunes/ports)
Perfect Guy, The [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Perks Of Being A Wallflower, The (iTunes SD only)
Peter Rabbit [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Pope's Exorcist, The [2023] (MA)
Predators [2010] (iTunes/ports)
Red Riding Hood [2011] (iTunes/ports)
Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes (iTunes/ports)
Robin Hood [2010] [Unrated] (iTunes/ports)
Safe Haven (iTunes)
Scoob! [2020] (MA)
Seven Psychopaths (MA + Sony points)
Shallows, The [2016] (MA + 150 points)
Sparkle [2012] (MA)
Spider-Man: Into The Spiderverse (MA + Sony points)
Star, The [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Taken [2009] [Extended Cut] (iTunes/ports)
Thanksgiving [2023] (MA + Sony points)
Thousand Words, A [2012] (Vudu)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (Vudu SD only or iTunes SD only)
Tyler Perry's Madea's Tough Love (Vudu)
Tyler Perry's Meet The Browns (iTunes)
Underworld: Awakening (MA + Sony points)
Venom: Let There Be Carnage (MA + Sony points)
Vow, The [2012] (MA + Sony points)
When The Game Stands Tall [2014] (MA + Sony points)
White House Down [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Zombieland: Double Tap (MA + Sony points)
🦝
Super Cheap SD & HD Codes
All movies are 3 for $1 each/must spend at least $1 on total order.Cabin In The Woods, The (Vudu SD only)
Croods, The (iTunes/ports SD)
Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (iTunes/ports SD)
Expendables 2, The (Vudu SD only or iTunes SD only)
Expendables 3, The [Unrated] (iTunes HD only)
Fast Five [Extended] (iTunes/ports HD)
Good Day To Die Hard, A (iTunes/ports SD)
Hunger Games, The (Vudu SD or iTunes SD only)
Hunger Games: Catching Fire, The (Vudu HD only)
John Wick 3 (Google Play HD only)
Jurassic World (MA ports HD)
Life Of Pi (iTunes/ports SD)
Mechanic: Resurrection (Vudu SD only)
Now You See Me 2 (Vudu SD only)
Percy Jackson: Sea Of Monsters (iTunes/ports SD)
Skyfall (iTunes SD only)
Star Trek: Into Darkness (Vudu HD only)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Google Play/ports HD)
Taken 2 (iTunes/ports SD)
Texas Chainsaw [2013] (iTunes SD only)
Transformers: Age Of Extinction (Vudu HD only)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (Vudu SD only)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (Vudu SD only)
2024.05.21 21:18 Alkyanne [F4F] Pirate's life - PART 9 [More than Friends] [Pirates] [Brothel] [hiding] [Sneak in] [Rivals] [Stress]
Author’s note : Everything’s free to use and monetize or paywall as you wish, just remember to credit me please. As I’m not a native English speaker, you can feel free to make slight changes to make it better, as long as it doesn’t change the whole story of course.
Summary, listener’s perspective : Now it’s time to put the plan to execution. Your brother and mother are already gone and it’s your turn to go with your captain. You have no choice but to trust her and hope that everything will be fine. You just need a little luck.
[ ] = stage directions
** = sound effects
Alright. Your brother and mother are gone. Let’s hope everything goes well for them…
Yes. I’m nervous. And scared. I’m not used to caring about my prisoners.
Well… They’re… Your family, so I care. Because I care about you. A lot. You know that now… don’t play dumb with me. I know you’re not. You know exactly what you’re doing.
No, I don’t mean I don’t trust you. You know what you want and you get it. And I admire people like that.
Yeah, I do the same.
Are you ready? We have to go at some point…
Good, stay close to me until we get to the brothel, then you’ll follow Aly. You’re both going to go directly to my office, I gave her the key to it.
[They’re going out the cabin, walking on the deck and boarding the boat]
*door’s opening/closing\*
*chatting sounds\*
*footsteps on wood\*
*waves sounds\*
Some of us are staying on the ship, always. We’re pirates after all. We can’t really trust our “colleagues”… But don’t worry, we’re taking turns guarding the ship until we go to sea again.
Aly, when we get to the brothel, find Miss Eve and take her with you to the office.
She’ll protect you if I can’t stay with you.
Ohhh She’s really feisty! She can handle most of the men herself. I couldn’t leave a place like that to a softy. She’s strong, you’ll be safe with her until I get there.
Because I’m pretty sure I’m going to be stopped by someone. And most likely Mister Rolland after what happened at sea. I’ll try to avoid him, but it’s usually really hard to do.
[They arrived at shore and speaker is helping listener get off the boat]
Here, take my hand. Be careful.
Alright.
*Deep breath\*
Let’s do this.
*louder\* Boys! Let’s have some fun! As always, first round is on me!
Ready, princess?
Just keep walking next to me. My men will stay all around and make some noise. As per usual…
They love the sea, but they’re always happy to go back to town from time to time.
Are you nervous?
That’s really sweet of you, but if I have to fight Rolland myself I don’t think I’ll win, especially with my injury.
Oh your family?
Don’t worry, I’ll have some of my men report back to me as soon as they’re safe. They went way before us. They might already be at my place. We’ll know soon enough.
Yeah… It’s not really a nice town like the ones you can find back in your country… But we built it ourselves. It might not be much or fancy… But everyone here is proud of it. We all contributed to it. And maybe one day, it might be an important place for everyone and not just pirates.
Maybe not a dream, but a hope yes. I mean… My first goal, dream, is something else. But once I’m done with it. Yeah, making this place thrive might be my second goal, if I lived through the first goal…
Honestly… I don’t expect to outlive it…
We’ll see… Let’s focus on the moment for now. We’re here.
So Stay close and follow Aly if I ever get stuck with someone.
*Door’s opening\*
*Loud chatting/laughing…\*
[Staff is greeting the speaker]
Hi.
Hey how are you?
Good. Is everything ok here?
Great, where’s Miss Eve?
[Staff saying they’ll get Miss Eve]
Thank you.
Let’s get moving.
…
*sigh\* Mister Rolland.
Yeah. Nice to meet you too.
Of course I’m alright. Why wouldn’t I be?
It was nothing. Your concern is touching. Are you getting soft?
Oh well, I guess I’m better than you at finding those bastards.
Don’t worry, I’ll always think of you if I ever find another one. I know how blood thirsty you can be.
[Miss Eve is coming]
Ah Miss Eve, let’s do our usual report. Good evening Mister Rolland.
What do you want to talk about?
I see… Well, I’m sure it can wait until tomorrow…
*sigh\* Alright, Miss Eve, please wait for me at my office, I’ll be here in a moment. Aly go with her, I’ll be quick.
Yes Mister. I still have this kid. She’s very useful and never complains.
I know what you think of it. I don’t need your opinion about how I handle my crew.
Who?
What new girl?
Oh her? We got her on a ship we raided. She seemed eager to live, so I brought her to see if she’ll work for me here.
Yeah. Sure. Maybe you’ll get her next time.
If you don’t, you know how my next interview went. So now, if you will excuse me. I have a lot of things to do.
I’m a business women Rolland. Of course I have a lot to supervise when I get back here. And I don’t want to spend days here, I’ll expect to finish the brothel report tonight so I can do my estate report tomorrow. So I’ll keep going if you’re done.
What now?
She’s not on the menu yet.
I said no. Come back tomorrow to see if she’s available.
I know you’re not used to people telling you no, but I promise you, you don’t want to mess with me here.
Great. So now, enjoy your evening. I’ll have Misty take care of you as a gift later.
Mmh.
[Speaker going up to her office]
*foosteps\*
*door’s opening/closing\*
Alright. It’s done.
How are you all?
Good good. Thank you Miss Eve. Did Aly explain to you what’s happening?
Great, we’ll take care of our business quickly so you can go back there. I’ll promise Rolland some time with Misty for the evening if you please.
I know… But I need him relaxed… I might have made him a little on edge…
I’ll cover the expense. Don’t worry about that.
What news? What did he say?
Great, so your mother and brother are safe at my place. You’ll get reunited with them most likely tomorrow.
You can get comfortable now Princess, we’ll stay here for a few hours. I’ll send someone to tell your family you’re safe too.
Yeah Miss Eve… Kind of… As long as Rolland is here, a risk is always present…
Have Misty tell us when he’s leaving.
Thank you Miss Eve.
Aly, get us some food and drinks. We still have a lot of stuff to work on…
submitted by Alkyanne to ASMRScriptHaven [link] [comments]
Summary, listener’s perspective : Now it’s time to put the plan to execution. Your brother and mother are already gone and it’s your turn to go with your captain. You have no choice but to trust her and hope that everything will be fine. You just need a little luck.
[ ] = stage directions
** = sound effects
Alright. Your brother and mother are gone. Let’s hope everything goes well for them…
Yes. I’m nervous. And scared. I’m not used to caring about my prisoners.
Well… They’re… Your family, so I care. Because I care about you. A lot. You know that now… don’t play dumb with me. I know you’re not. You know exactly what you’re doing.
No, I don’t mean I don’t trust you. You know what you want and you get it. And I admire people like that.
Yeah, I do the same.
Are you ready? We have to go at some point…
Good, stay close to me until we get to the brothel, then you’ll follow Aly. You’re both going to go directly to my office, I gave her the key to it.
[They’re going out the cabin, walking on the deck and boarding the boat]
*door’s opening/closing\*
*chatting sounds\*
*footsteps on wood\*
*waves sounds\*
Some of us are staying on the ship, always. We’re pirates after all. We can’t really trust our “colleagues”… But don’t worry, we’re taking turns guarding the ship until we go to sea again.
Aly, when we get to the brothel, find Miss Eve and take her with you to the office.
She’ll protect you if I can’t stay with you.
Ohhh She’s really feisty! She can handle most of the men herself. I couldn’t leave a place like that to a softy. She’s strong, you’ll be safe with her until I get there.
Because I’m pretty sure I’m going to be stopped by someone. And most likely Mister Rolland after what happened at sea. I’ll try to avoid him, but it’s usually really hard to do.
[They arrived at shore and speaker is helping listener get off the boat]
Here, take my hand. Be careful.
Alright.
*Deep breath\*
Let’s do this.
*louder\* Boys! Let’s have some fun! As always, first round is on me!
Ready, princess?
Just keep walking next to me. My men will stay all around and make some noise. As per usual…
They love the sea, but they’re always happy to go back to town from time to time.
Are you nervous?
That’s really sweet of you, but if I have to fight Rolland myself I don’t think I’ll win, especially with my injury.
Oh your family?
Don’t worry, I’ll have some of my men report back to me as soon as they’re safe. They went way before us. They might already be at my place. We’ll know soon enough.
Yeah… It’s not really a nice town like the ones you can find back in your country… But we built it ourselves. It might not be much or fancy… But everyone here is proud of it. We all contributed to it. And maybe one day, it might be an important place for everyone and not just pirates.
Maybe not a dream, but a hope yes. I mean… My first goal, dream, is something else. But once I’m done with it. Yeah, making this place thrive might be my second goal, if I lived through the first goal…
Honestly… I don’t expect to outlive it…
We’ll see… Let’s focus on the moment for now. We’re here.
So Stay close and follow Aly if I ever get stuck with someone.
*Door’s opening\*
*Loud chatting/laughing…\*
[Staff is greeting the speaker]
Hi.
Hey how are you?
Good. Is everything ok here?
Great, where’s Miss Eve?
[Staff saying they’ll get Miss Eve]
Thank you.
Let’s get moving.
…
*sigh\* Mister Rolland.
Yeah. Nice to meet you too.
Of course I’m alright. Why wouldn’t I be?
It was nothing. Your concern is touching. Are you getting soft?
Oh well, I guess I’m better than you at finding those bastards.
Don’t worry, I’ll always think of you if I ever find another one. I know how blood thirsty you can be.
[Miss Eve is coming]
Ah Miss Eve, let’s do our usual report. Good evening Mister Rolland.
What do you want to talk about?
I see… Well, I’m sure it can wait until tomorrow…
*sigh\* Alright, Miss Eve, please wait for me at my office, I’ll be here in a moment. Aly go with her, I’ll be quick.
Yes Mister. I still have this kid. She’s very useful and never complains.
I know what you think of it. I don’t need your opinion about how I handle my crew.
Who?
What new girl?
Oh her? We got her on a ship we raided. She seemed eager to live, so I brought her to see if she’ll work for me here.
Yeah. Sure. Maybe you’ll get her next time.
If you don’t, you know how my next interview went. So now, if you will excuse me. I have a lot of things to do.
I’m a business women Rolland. Of course I have a lot to supervise when I get back here. And I don’t want to spend days here, I’ll expect to finish the brothel report tonight so I can do my estate report tomorrow. So I’ll keep going if you’re done.
What now?
She’s not on the menu yet.
I said no. Come back tomorrow to see if she’s available.
I know you’re not used to people telling you no, but I promise you, you don’t want to mess with me here.
Great. So now, enjoy your evening. I’ll have Misty take care of you as a gift later.
Mmh.
[Speaker going up to her office]
*foosteps\*
*door’s opening/closing\*
Alright. It’s done.
How are you all?
Good good. Thank you Miss Eve. Did Aly explain to you what’s happening?
Great, we’ll take care of our business quickly so you can go back there. I’ll promise Rolland some time with Misty for the evening if you please.
I know… But I need him relaxed… I might have made him a little on edge…
I’ll cover the expense. Don’t worry about that.
What news? What did he say?
Great, so your mother and brother are safe at my place. You’ll get reunited with them most likely tomorrow.
You can get comfortable now Princess, we’ll stay here for a few hours. I’ll send someone to tell your family you’re safe too.
Yeah Miss Eve… Kind of… As long as Rolland is here, a risk is always present…
Have Misty tell us when he’s leaving.
Thank you Miss Eve.
Aly, get us some food and drinks. We still have a lot of stuff to work on…
2024.05.21 19:49 syntaxofthings123 Evidence Matters
Recently there was a true crime episode on the murder of Colleen Slemmer by her Jobs Corp classmates Christa Pike, Pike's boyfriend Tadaryl Shipp and another friend. It was a spontaneous, gruesome murder, that took place in the woods of Tennessee, walking distance from the Jobs Corp Campus.
Slemmer, was lured out under false pretenses of smoking weed in a nearby park with who she thought were her friends. She was murdered, left partially unclothed, her upper body completely exposed. And though the primary motive wasn't a ritualistic sacrifice, in the course of the attack a Satanic star or pentagram was carved into the victim's chest.
Though the satanic piece to the crime was an afterthought by the killers, it did link the crime to two of them, as Christa Pike and her boyfriend, Shipp, practiced Satanic Worship. The murder was motivated by jealousy and rage, but even so, the symbolism left behind, might have solved the crime on its own.
There might be parallels to be found between a crime like the Slemmer murder, and what happened in Delphi.
The Delphi murders don't have to have been motivated primarily by a sacrificial ritual for the symbolism of such a ritual left at the crime scene, to lead to the killer or killers of Abby and Libby.
Coincidences do occur. Correlation does not necessarily imply causation. But when there is evidence that keeps pointing to a particular group of people, some of whom had a direct connection to one of the victims, I do not understand how this evidence is not followed up on to the fullest extent that the law allows. How is it just cast aside, especially when three respected investigators who performed their own investigation are convinced there is something there? Referring to Click, Ferency and Murphy.
Even if the killing of Abby and Libby was initially motivated by something other than a sacrifice, the mark of their killers at the scene, almost certainly will lead back to who did this. The crime scene was too distinctive and unique for it not to. All persons are innocent until proven guilty, and that's important to factor in. But even if innocent, there certainly appears to be some connection between certain individuals practicing Odinism and hanging out at Delphi Vinlander club, and the Delphi murders---evidence connecting them to these murders that might actually solve this case.
Here is the list of evidence that has still not been turned over to the defense, even though this case was scheduled to be in trial as this is written (from 2nd Motion to Dismiss).
Why?
submitted by syntaxofthings123 to RichardAllenInnocent [link] [comments]
Slemmer, was lured out under false pretenses of smoking weed in a nearby park with who she thought were her friends. She was murdered, left partially unclothed, her upper body completely exposed. And though the primary motive wasn't a ritualistic sacrifice, in the course of the attack a Satanic star or pentagram was carved into the victim's chest.
Though the satanic piece to the crime was an afterthought by the killers, it did link the crime to two of them, as Christa Pike and her boyfriend, Shipp, practiced Satanic Worship. The murder was motivated by jealousy and rage, but even so, the symbolism left behind, might have solved the crime on its own.
There might be parallels to be found between a crime like the Slemmer murder, and what happened in Delphi.
The Delphi murders don't have to have been motivated primarily by a sacrificial ritual for the symbolism of such a ritual left at the crime scene, to lead to the killer or killers of Abby and Libby.
Coincidences do occur. Correlation does not necessarily imply causation. But when there is evidence that keeps pointing to a particular group of people, some of whom had a direct connection to one of the victims, I do not understand how this evidence is not followed up on to the fullest extent that the law allows. How is it just cast aside, especially when three respected investigators who performed their own investigation are convinced there is something there? Referring to Click, Ferency and Murphy.
Even if the killing of Abby and Libby was initially motivated by something other than a sacrifice, the mark of their killers at the scene, almost certainly will lead back to who did this. The crime scene was too distinctive and unique for it not to. All persons are innocent until proven guilty, and that's important to factor in. But even if innocent, there certainly appears to be some connection between certain individuals practicing Odinism and hanging out at Delphi Vinlander club, and the Delphi murders---evidence connecting them to these murders that might actually solve this case.
Here is the list of evidence that has still not been turned over to the defense, even though this case was scheduled to be in trial as this is written (from 2nd Motion to Dismiss).
Why?
The Exculpatory Nature of the Missing Evidence
Currently, the list of missing evidence that the prosecution has not turned over to the defense includes the following:
a. Video of BH’s first interview from February 17, 2017.
b. Video of LH’s interview from February 17, 2017.
c. Data from BH’s phone extraction from February 17, 2017.
d. Video from BH’s second interview with law enforcement taken at the Logansport Police Station sometime in 2017 or 2018.
e. Audio taken from BH’s second interview with law enforcement taken at the Logansport Police Station sometime in 2017 or 2018.
f. Any reports, notes or documents concerning or referring to BH’s second interview at the Logansport Police Station sometime in 2017 or 2018.
g. Mimicked Crime Scene Photo observed by Trooper Purdy on BH's social media page. h. Images Ryan Boucher sent to Trooper Winters on April 12, 2017.
Notice that all missing items are related to third-party suspect BH
2024.05.21 18:04 WitchHatWhichHat The Woman From Antwerp
I woke up from a nap thinking about this so.
Do we think she was truly an innocent victim? Though that brings up another question: How much do we think that the coven actually cares about who ends up being a victim and who doesn't? Do they care about eating "the evil-doers"?
It's horrifying to think that she was, in fact, just some ordinary lady on a French vacation who just got snatched. It may take away from the horror of her death to think that she did something wrong which warranted her becoming vampire munchies. What supports her being an innocent person (wrong place wrong time kind of deal) is Armand's attitude towards the human audience-Referring to them as cattle, and the playful annoyance about them not properly disposing of victims (victims of which were random, as Lestat did not teach them to "hunt the evildoer" like in the books.)
However, I think could be interesting to speculate an alternative. When the coven goes out on their journey over the river and through the woods to black market people's house, they abduct someone from there for the next performance. Which I feel opens up the possibility that our lady from Antwerp may not have been totally innocent, as the person attending a party held by someone contributing to the black market wasn't innocent-As Louis said, "France was Nazi scar tissue". Doesn't sound like the most appealing place to visit right after the war. My theory is that she was actually a spy still hanging around and maybe thinking of settling/hiding in France to avoid being taken to trial (but really she could have done anything, if anything). Remember from S1 that the concept of killing exclusively evildoers doesn't matter much to Louis-He didn't see how the criminal biscuit Lestat made for him tasted. He just has a hang-up about killing people, good or bad. So mentioning that distinction or even seeking it out isn't important to him, or Claudia based on her kill-list in the diary of S1. It makes sense why he wouldn't mention it in the interview. (Though you think Armand might mention it.)
Worthy of a mention is that in the book "The Vampire Lestat", Lestat defends himself by saying he selected evildoers to hunt, which was not brought up by Louis in the first book (because part of the book is Lestat essentially clapping back at Louis's allegations made in the Interview. Would be funny if in S3 Lestat ends up being a mega influencer who makes a 3hr long deep dive video about himself that is essentially TVL, doubt this will happen though would be peak comedy). This doesn't nessecarily mean that the Coven cared about eating the evil-doer, they're not nessecarily the most kind vampire individuals themselves. I'm curious as to whether or not they're going to bother bringing that angle into the show, a la S1 Lestat saying "reason is a set of leg irons" in terms of killing. I think the show is bringing out the brutality of vampires rather than the sugar-coating that happens in the novels. Which also brings the question: Does it really matter if they're evil-doers or not? What would "innocent" mean?
submitted by WitchHatWhichHat to InterviewVampire [link] [comments]
Do we think she was truly an innocent victim? Though that brings up another question: How much do we think that the coven actually cares about who ends up being a victim and who doesn't? Do they care about eating "the evil-doers"?
It's horrifying to think that she was, in fact, just some ordinary lady on a French vacation who just got snatched. It may take away from the horror of her death to think that she did something wrong which warranted her becoming vampire munchies. What supports her being an innocent person (wrong place wrong time kind of deal) is Armand's attitude towards the human audience-Referring to them as cattle, and the playful annoyance about them not properly disposing of victims (victims of which were random, as Lestat did not teach them to "hunt the evildoer" like in the books.)
However, I think could be interesting to speculate an alternative. When the coven goes out on their journey over the river and through the woods to black market people's house, they abduct someone from there for the next performance. Which I feel opens up the possibility that our lady from Antwerp may not have been totally innocent, as the person attending a party held by someone contributing to the black market wasn't innocent-As Louis said, "France was Nazi scar tissue". Doesn't sound like the most appealing place to visit right after the war. My theory is that she was actually a spy still hanging around and maybe thinking of settling/hiding in France to avoid being taken to trial (but really she could have done anything, if anything). Remember from S1 that the concept of killing exclusively evildoers doesn't matter much to Louis-He didn't see how the criminal biscuit Lestat made for him tasted. He just has a hang-up about killing people, good or bad. So mentioning that distinction or even seeking it out isn't important to him, or Claudia based on her kill-list in the diary of S1. It makes sense why he wouldn't mention it in the interview. (Though you think Armand might mention it.)
Worthy of a mention is that in the book "The Vampire Lestat", Lestat defends himself by saying he selected evildoers to hunt, which was not brought up by Louis in the first book (because part of the book is Lestat essentially clapping back at Louis's allegations made in the Interview. Would be funny if in S3 Lestat ends up being a mega influencer who makes a 3hr long deep dive video about himself that is essentially TVL, doubt this will happen though would be peak comedy). This doesn't nessecarily mean that the Coven cared about eating the evil-doer, they're not nessecarily the most kind vampire individuals themselves. I'm curious as to whether or not they're going to bother bringing that angle into the show, a la S1 Lestat saying "reason is a set of leg irons" in terms of killing. I think the show is bringing out the brutality of vampires rather than the sugar-coating that happens in the novels. Which also brings the question: Does it really matter if they're evil-doers or not? What would "innocent" mean?