TW: Passing references to sexual abuse, addiction, and suicide.
For all our efforts searching, we've never found a diagnosis or any personal statement on Chester's exact illness, but some of his songs speak to us on levels that only fellow systems would understand, and we think New Divide is the strongest evidence of all.
For a bit of context, Chester had made it known through interviews that he was SA'd by an older friend quite a lot from ages 7 to 11, and kicked out by his mother at 17. While it's not a black-and-white situation, the keynotes of DID/OSDD causes include childhood trauma (i.e. CSA) and inconsistent parenting (i.e. being disowned). It all tracks, but let's dig into the song and video.
I remembered black skies / The lightning all around me / I remembered each flash
Scraps of memory flashing through headspace?
As time began to blur
A common symptom of dissociation and switching
[...] Chorus:
So give me reason / To prove me wrong / To wash this memory clean
A vague or fragmented memory could be described as dirty or tarnished
[...] Give me reason / To fill this hole / Connect this space between / Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies / Across this new divide
This is widely believed to be a breakup song, but why would that involve repressed and fragmented memories, and how would reconnecting with a lover help? I think he's talking to a newly discovered alter who's holding important memories.
There was nothing in sight / But memories left abandoned
A rush of flashbacks as this alter enters the headspace and connects with the front
There was nowhere to hide / The ashes fell like snow / And the ground caved in / Between where we were standing / And your voice was all I heard / That I get what I deserve
You can't hide from your own head, and as quickly as the flashbacks rush in, the alter withdraws, leaving nothing but a faint voice echoing their abusers' words that have become part of their belief system.
After another chorus comes a bridge that feels to us like the guitar is screaming while being ripped apart -- a dissociative split expressed in wordless sound.
In every loss, in every lie / In every truth that you'd deny
The truths kept from him by this alter?
And each regret, and each goodbye / Was a mistake too great to hide
Every lapse in judgment that he couldn't escape the fallout from, yet didn't understand why they even happened -- because dissociation?
And then there's the video, which we saw for the first time only this morning. We'd recommend watching first before reading our thoughts, to form your own interpretation without our influence.
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We and our spouse (also plural) were stricken immediately by the visuals. Us: "Holy shit-" Them: "That looks like..." Us: "Headspace." Them: "Yes! I couldn't find the words."
I'm curious if any other systems see their headspace the same way when not applying a layer of intentional imagination on top.
Note also the woman who appears throughout the video. Maybe this is just the supposed ex-girlfriend at a distance if you buy the breakup interpretation, but it feels particularly poignant that she only appears in the headspace-like effects sequences.
We also noticed that when he sings "And the ground caved in / Between where we were standing", the visual isn't of the ground caving or Chester and the woman being separated -- it's Chester himself splitting in half. Then "I get what I deserve" is delivered by the woman -- not by Chester, and not her saying "You get what you deserve".
Between the song and video, we can't help but to interpret New Divide as a song about meeting an alter, and an artist writes what they know...
Digging beyond and connecting the dots in a way that we admit could be completely off the mark, we discussed with our spouse some potential alters and cofronts visible in various photos, a quote from an interview where the band had described him as "two people -- Chester, and 'that fucking guy'", and the circumstances of his death.
He had stated, and the band confirmed, that writing and recording their last album, One More Light, did wonders for his mental health, and yet, a mere two months after its release, he brought his own end. Some blame the loud negative reception to the single "Heavy", but we speculate it had more to do with preparing for the One More Light Tour, when he was in talks with his high school band Grey Daze about reuniting and bringing them on tour. At surface level, this sounds like a good thing that should've made him happy... but the songs he wrote in high school would have brought him back to that time, when he was abused and neglected, coping with drugs and alcohol and screaming his grievances with the world so they didn't consume him.
The medical examiner stated Chester was found with a half-full bottle of liquor and no drugs. If "that fucking guy" didn't have enough intoxicants to bury those old feelings while triggered to front thinking about the reunion, I can see why he'd go to drastic measures to make it stop....
So that's our theory. Maybe we're reading too far into it, but listening to it again and seeing the video after discovering our system took it from a mid Transformers song to the most viscerally relatable piece of art we've ever experienced.

Hi everyone! As the title says, Lord Huron just performed at the Rady Shell in San Diego tonight and I was there. Here's a full breakdown: TLDR: different theming, setlist, 2 new songs, new album "coming soon"
THEMING: As one of the other recent post shows the theming for this concert was much different from the Lord Huron Lives 2023 tour- there were no mountains in the back, no Emerald Star, and the only on stage décor was lights and the singular phone in the middle. However, something else did return- the POEM INTERLUDES!! There were 3 throughout the show- one before the first song, one in the middle, and one right before the encore. Anytime the phone was answered one of the poems would play, and Ben also used the phone as a mic for a few songs. He also said that he'd speak a lot less tonight, and lived up to that- speaking nowhere near as much as he did during the Lord Huron Lives tour (though I'd say the poems replaced that time). Also, BEN CUT HIS HAIR!! It's almost back to being as short as when Strange Trails got released in 2015.
New Album: During the show, Ben jokingly called this the "Era Tour," joking that they only have one era, then saying that they'd be playing songs from many eras, including one that hasn't happened yet. He elaborated on this by saying that the new album is "coming soon" (assumedly dropping after the Kacey Musgraves tour).
SETLIST: Never Ever, Ancient Names Part I, Secret of Life, Meet Me in the Woods, Long Lost, Dead Man's Hand, End of the Earth, Twenty Long Years, Hurricane, I Lied, *UNRELEASED 1*, La Belle Fleur Sauvage, Drops in the Lake, When the Night is Over, *UNRELEASED 2*, The Birds are Singing at Night, The Night We Met, Time to Run, Lonesome Dreams, Fool For Love. (Encore) World Ender, Wait by the River, Not Dead Yet.
As you can see it's a super interesting setlist with a lot of songs they don't normally play, and I was surprised by the exclusion of Love Like Ghosts, Love Me Like You Used To, and most sadly for me Way Out There. Unfortunately, even with the more uncommon songs they still did not play Cursed or Louisa :( Now on to the part I'm sure you all are waiting for- the new songs!
*UNRELEASED 1*: A more up-tempo song in line with say Hurricane combined with the World Ender. The lights on stage for the song were all red, there was a lot of tamborining, and it was a partial duet (think Meet Me in the Woods, not I Lied). The theme seems to be about sadness being all around yet not letting it catch you, with the chorus being "I'm gonna leave and let the devil come for us" repeated and other lyrics such as "Mr. _____ find us a new way, told you sadness was never going to wait." and "Darkness falls upon the dawn and shadows start to play." (Disclaimer, the lyrics were a lot harder to make out than UNRELEASED 2) It was definitely a rock your head and stamp your feet song, and got a great reaction from the crowd.
*UNRELEASED 2*: In sharp contrast to UNRELEASED 1, this song is much more melancholy and slow along the lines of The Night is Over. The lights on stage were entirely blue, and it featured a much heavier slow bassline. The theme of the song is about hoping for a love that has not yet been found, with the chorus being "Is there anybody out there, am I ever gonna find my way to you, is there anybody out there.... is there anybody out there, we haven't met but I wrote this song to you, is there anybody out there?" and other lyrics such as "Am I reading the wrong signs, are you too far to hear? I've been talking a long time, hope my message will find you dear," "Little voice in the vastness, whisper words in my ear. It was only my own calls, dimly echoed across the years" and "What's the worth of a lone soul, don't they count them by 2? If I only get one call, how the hell am I ever gonna find you?" (I could make out almost all the lyrics, and if you want the full version I'd be happy to put it below) Though this song was much slower it had the crowd completely enthralled, and after it ended all anybody could say was that it was absolutely stunning and one of the best songs they've ever made. It's instantly become one of my most anticipated songs of the year.
So yeah, that's the full recap. If anybody has any questions I'd be happy to try and answer them. Honorable mention to Clover County, the opener- she was absolutely amazing and though only 2 of her songs are out now she should be releasing the others that she performed soon. Thanks all, and may you live until you die!

Hello, I am a student of medicine at University of Utah (This info will become relevant later), and I had an experience with something I cannot not explain. For spring break, me and a couple buddies from class pooled some money together to rent a houseboat. The first few days were fun, and we had no problems until the third day of our trip. It was around 1 am and I was the only one up. I was reading when I realized how much of a mess we made. It stank, three days of guys not showering and throwing back multiple packs of beers will definitely do that. But there was a scent I could pick out of the body odor. A smell reminiscent of when you leave popcorn in the microwave for a couple seconds too long and their cores are all burnt black. This smell started to nag at me while it got stronger by the second. I started investigating the source of the scent when I heard noises, it could have just been my ears overly adjusted to the silence, but I swear I heard a sound. It had a squishiness to it that could only be described as walking in tennis shoes that have been completely soaked. I swear I was going insane or just having a surprise after midnight hangover, but then I saw undeniable real, Physical proof that I wasn’t going mad. Small puddles of water leading down a narrow hallway. One of the guys must have been making their way to the bathroom, but that wouldn’t explain the puddles. Maybe they spilled a drink on themselves or perhaps being blackout drunk, pissed themselves on the way to the bathroom. I made my way to the bathroom, knocking on the door ask if they are well and perhaps offer help. The unlatched door swung open with the force of my knocks. A shadow figure stared at the mirror with such intensity that I felt as if I was interrupting some grand ceremony. I studied its silhouette to try to discern which bunkmate it could be. However, the shape was wrong, it didn’t match one of my friends or a human for that matter. Its upper body was deathly skinny with a jagged and not symmetrical frame. When I looked down, I saw plump round legs that could only belong to someone weighing over 400 pounds. I thought I had to know, I was wrong, I did not have to know. I could have said, sorry, close the door and head to bed. Relaying that ignorance is bliss as I fell asleep. But no, I HAD to know. I flipped on the light and my vision exploded with color. It was horrible, the creature was mostly a drenched skeleton bonded together with stringy red meat. Its face only bore only its right eye and a small stretch of skin that covered the right side of its face, like a flesh version of mask the phantom wears on Broadway. A glance down revealed a blue set of wet obese legs with skin slowly peeling away like a large blue sunburn. A pair of athletic shorts was the only thing that could prove this “thing” was once human. Its eye widens, as it finally caught a look of itself. It opens its mouth and dark thick liquid sputtered out onto the mirror and sink. The chunks of which slowly rolled down the glass surface. Then for about 10 seconds its jaw lowered and raised slightly as if it was trying to find its voice. And it did, a scream escaped with guttural lows and high pitches combined in a sound that wasn’t meant for this earth. The thing’s head jolted up as if something had touched it, and it certainly wasn’t me. Its exposed ribs tore into my shoulder as it threw itself out into the hallway. Or maybe it didn’t, because for next several seconds, I would view this once human thing try and grasp onto anything as an invisible rope would tug on its midsection. It bounced up and down the hall and out onto the deck until it caught the fence. The last separation between boat and water. I gazed upon it for the last time. In its eye, I could only see a look of seemingly shared terror. But there was a hint of sad desperation. A blend of flesh and bones reached out to me, its extended fingers quickly collapsed as it seemed to realize that I wasn’t going to help it. The siren coming from the hole in its face crackled then lowered to a hum. It seemed to give up, releasing any grip that was keeping it from the depths. Its body disappeared under water.
I am writing this around 3 am as I have been having trouble sleeping since then. I can still remember its body. As a student of medicine, I feel more sick as I might know how it died. Its boney red upper body must have been the result of multiple 3rd degree burns. No skin remains above the waist other than the patch around the right eye. Its enormous dark blue legs were a victim of bloating after staying underwater for months on end. The puffy limbs absorbed so much water, flakes of skin were shown to be ripping off. This body would have to die in a specific fashion to have the top half be burnt and stay dry while the bottom half decayed under water. That roar has left my ears ringing, that hoarse sound could only come from half cooked vocal cords. However, the worst part was not the gore, but the look it gave me. I feel like I should have tried something, but deep down, I was never going to. I was frozen in my own fear. Restless, I would search for anything that would give me closure. And there in an article I found it. “20-year-old, USU student, Barry Miller assumed dead, trapped in sunken houseboat that caught fire.” I was shocked to find this only happened a few months ago. The half burnt, half bloated body had a name. Barry. Burnt Barry.

6 years of mental and emotional blackmail and abuse. I'd had enough. This time she isn't forcing me to stay, not even if she threatened suicide again. After a morning of arguments, it was decided, I was leaving no matter what. I grabbed the first thing that came to mind so I could make some money. The xbox. I collect camping and survival gear. I had a small machete used for chopping wood. With my ex threatening suicide I didn't hesitate to bag it, I was not leaving it in the hands of someone who clearly wanted to cause herself or me harm. I left the property and made my way to town. Town is not where I ended up, as I was following and berated for hours. Five steps behind, screaming an ultimatum I'd heard too many times. I finally made some distance. I was alone, alone to think for moment, that didn't involve defending myself or talking down a mentally unhinged person. Relieved, I then had a gut feeling of concern. Being in that relationship was the worst thing to ever happen to me, I lost everything, but I still have a heart. Fearing the worst I called the police. They turned up at the apartment. Soon after I returned, as advised by the police. Safe to say after the welfare check and I was just about to walk away. My ex, knowing I had the machete, told them of it. I quickly handed it over without a search or question, as my intentions where honorable. I was concerned only for everyone's safety. Naturally I was booked for possession. Simple misunderstanding one would think. Meeting the lawyer was not fun. What turned into a simple misunderstanding became horror show. The concealment wasn't the issue. It was learning that, because my ex realised that this time i ment it when I said i was leaving. Added a whole host of accusations. Coercion and rape, to name a few. Shocked at what I heard, yet not entirely surprising. For when after 6 years of dealing with a narcissistic fantasist who stopped mentally and emotionally developing at 13, You'd come to find just how sick and twisted a person can be. For a moment, while in the cell, I had a weakness I'd never experienced before. In short I tried to kill myself. As each hour past it seemed to get worse.
As of this moment, I'm on bail and have no right of contact. I live under a bridge, I have lost all my friends and family, my ex turns out, was throughout our relationship on the game and not but 2 weeks later is now shacked up with one of her clients, because she cant stand being alone, and never has been. She has sold all my belonging and kept the money for herself, we had a joint claim of benefits as she has been claiming disability all her life. She took all the money including my entitlement. And has given me nothing. She has ripped up all my paperwork and pictures ( pictures of my children and childhood ) and given what's left away. I get messages every day saying how she needs me then hours later how she hates me and is going to destroy my life. She geo locates me and tells me where i am ( so creepy ). It's all one big mess. And honestly I struggle to find the reason to keep trying at this point. The sad thing is that kinda saw this coming, well some form of it. Just not to this extent. You learn that when dealing with someone like this, there will never be an amicable ending. And after 6 years of doing everything to please her, I have left myself with nothing. In the end I understood my position in the relationship, i was never a partner. I was just a doctor when she needed it or a shrink or a punching bag. Whatever it was to suit her needs at the time. But never loved

I had to get up to get on my desktop to get this out of my brain.
I've been floating in comments lately, blabbing on about how the more I listen to TTPD, I really do think it's ALL about her and what/who I'll be referencing as "Old Taylor" and "Authentic Taylor".
My thesis: "So Long, London" is not about the place or a British muse. It's about Closeted Taylor and how she's been put to rest by Authentic Taylor and speaks to her fans on this matter. I should specify, this song uses male pronouns, but I do believe they are referencing Closeted Taylor. My interpretations are in italics.
The song starts off with some ethereal vocals by Taylor that sonically resemble wedding bells. I see this as a red herring for people that believe all Taylor has ever wanted is "to settle down, get married, and have babies".
Part 1

• I saw in my mind fairy lights through the mist
  • (this could be a tongue-in-cheek use of 'fairy' to call on the derogatory term often used against gay men-- she could picture the gay, queer lights, but they were shrouded in mist
• My spine split from carrying us up the hill, wet through my clothes, weary bones caught the chill
  • Authentic Taylor had carried the burden of Closeted Taylor for so long it made her physically ache.
• I stopped trying to make him laugh, stopped trying to drill the safe.
  • Authentic Taylor gave up trying to adapt to Closeted Taylor.
• Thinkin, how much sad did you think I had Did you think I had in me? Oh, the tragedy.
  • I think this is referencing the fans... Did you not realize how much sad I contained? How tragic you didn't see ME!
• So long, London You'll find someone...
  • So long Closeted Taylor. You'll find some heteronormative muse for them to speculate about.

Part 2

• I didn't opt in to be your odd man out
  • Authentic Taylor did NOT choose to be the "odd one out". She had no choice. She was voluntold.
• I founded the club she's heard great things about
  • Authentic Taylor is what set the stage for herself from the get go. Authentic Taylor is who is underneath the joy and love that so many people find within her music. The club being "her fan club".
• I left all I knew, you left me at the house by the Heath
  • I left my authentic life for you, "the fans", but you left me by the Heath. I have NO idea why Heath is capitalized in her lyrics. But in Britain, a "heath" is "an area of land that is not used for growing crops, where grass and other small plants grow, but where there are few trees or bushes". A barren wasteland. Interestingly, in the Bible, Jeremiah 48:6 says "Flee, save your lives, and be like the heath in the wilderness". SAVE YOUR LIFE AND BE BARREN, PLAN, AND PALATABLE WITHOUT COLOR AND LIFE.
• I stopped CPR, after all it's no use The spirit was gone, we would never come to
  • I gave up trying to actively be out. The spirit of ME! was gone and I was hopeless she'd never return.
• And I'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free
  • I'm pissed off at the fans for perpetuating a closeted, heteronormative narrative when I could have had my Authentic youth
• For so long, London Stitches undone Two graves, one gun I'll find someone...
  • For so long "London", I gave you my all, I'm ripping out the stitches of this Closeted wound. Two graves but one gun? Authentic Taylor is shooting Closeted Taylor and finding "someone' else, AKA FREEDOM.
• And you say I abandoned the ship But I was going down with it My white knuckle dying grip
  • People say "Authentic Taylor gave up on coming out". No, Authentic Taylor wanted it so bad, the Captain was going down with her ship.
• Holding tight to your quiet resentment and My friends said it isn't right to be scared Every day of a love affair Every breath feels like rarest air
  • My friends (Friends of Dorothea?) said it isn't right for me to be so scared to LOVE WHO I LOVE.

Part 3 [Skipping Around For Lengths Sake]

• You swore that you loved me but where were the clues?
  • Authentic Taylor is asking her fans, you loved me, so why didn't you see me?
• I died on the altar waiting for the proof
  • Authentic Taylor waited at the altar for the fans to realize her message.
• You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days
  • Authentic Taylor is speaking to fans who sacrificed her authenticity to the heteronormative relationships (represented by standard male 'blue')
• And I'm just getting color back into my face
  • Authentic Taylor is finding her rainbow again because Closeted Taylor is back in that grave...

Afterall, there was only one gun...

• You'll find someone
  • Authentic Taylor speaking to her fans saying "you'll find someone for Closeted Taylor to be with".

Please excuse any formatting issues. I'm an Autistic middle-era Millennial. My brain is run by rats and I'm perpetually exhausted. Much love.

THIS MIGHT BE THE WORST WRITING DECISION I'VE EVER SEEN IN MANGA! (Barring Boruto)
SHIT'S SO BAD IT GOT ME FEELING SAD AS FUCK FOR YUJI AND I DON'T EVEN CARE FOR HIM AS A CHARACTER.
GEGE AKUTAMI YOU HAVE DONE IT AGAIN.
EITHER: 1. YUTA WINS AND YUJI GETS SIDELINED (HE ALREADY IS) LIKE A BUM AGAIN FOR THE 12556TH TIME.

1. YUTA LOSES AND THIS ENDS UP BEING POINTLESS, USELESS TEMPORARY HYPE TYPICAL GEGE FASHION.

IT SEEMS YUJI'S SOUL PUNCHES HAVE NEGATIVE EFFECTS AND BOOST SUKUNA'S CE RESERVES SINCE NOW HE SOMEHOW CAN USE DOMAIN EXPANSION MULTIPLE TYPES SO HE CAN CONVENIENTLY CLASH WITH GOJO'S CORPSE FOR THE FINAL TME!
YUJI'S HAND WAS RIPPING APART SUKUNA'S CHEST WHILE SUKUNA COULD DO NOTHING ABOUT IT A CHAPTER AGO AND HE WAS ALSO GETTING HIS ASS HANDED TO HIM?
NAH, SUDDENLY SUKUKA IS ABLE TO BRUSH IT OFF AND PUNCH YUJI AWAY! HE WAS NEVER IN TROUBLE GUYS TRUST.
SUKUNA'S OUTPUT AND CE RESERVES? AS HIGH OR AS LOW AS I WANT THEM TO BE!
YUJI ITADORI I AM SORRY YOU HAD TO BE HANDLED BY A THIRD-RATE WRITER THEY DIDN'T DESERVE YOU

Finally after a whole year, I am not depressed anymore. Sure I get sad about certain things, but after years of therapy, blocking toxic people, working out 5 days a week, and just practicing healthy coping mechanisms has truly helped me heal. I had a terrible year you would not believe. This was my life last summer: Being with a man for 3 years who was verbally/emotionally and mentally abusive (it was a domestic violence relationship), he cheated on me, he’s an addict of many sorts, selling my home last December that i owned with my ex, having my beautiful grandma pass away last summer,(may she RIP, she was my best friend) rehoming my beloved puppy all occurred in 2023. Also the cherry on top is being harassed by your ex and his new mistress. Blocking them both and making police reports was the only way they left me alone. I seriously felt like I was going to die. getting cheated on by someone who you love, and thought who loved you, is probably the most traumatizing thing to happen to someone. It hurts your soul and I couldn’t eat, and I could barely get out of my bed. Going to therapy twice a week, when this all occurred to me was my only sanity. Also having my beautiful, strong family and good friends, healed me. Thank the Lord, I have a loving, stable family who brought me in. Because if I didn’t, I seriously don’t think I would be here today. Grieving a broken relationship and also grieving a family member, is a different kind of pain. My Grandma would be proud of me and it brings me great joy, knowing that she is no longer suffering. Also I feel safer, as she is my guardian angel now 💕🪽. Therapy and good people saved me. I also saved myself. God bless everyone and I hope that you heal from anything that is bringing you pain. Much love, B 🤎💗

For the original post, visit here: https://www.reddit.com/CharlotteDobreYouTube/comments/1cfl5w1/exposing_exhusband_coming_soon/
Hello everyone, we have some major updates to this coming Petty Revenge story that will involve exposing my ex-husband for who he is and trying to protect the next person from falling into his trap. They will be coming in a separate post once I get everything together.
This is my story for context with the ex-husband. It will be a longer post, to be warned. Trigger warning for those who may be sensitive to stories about abuse and self-harm
Since my original post, the woman who is currently with my ex-husband, (not with as in together, anymore. With as in living with currently until she can find a new place for her and her kids), we have continued to stay in contact, and boy is this the drama intensifying. In short, the ex-husband is still playing his horrible games and turning her life into an ever-living hell.
Some backstory on my side. I will shorten my ex-husband to EH.
I (28F) and EH (36 M) met when I was 18 and he was 26, so there was a bit of an age gap, but that did not matter to either of us. We got engaged roughly 4 or 5 months after we started officially dating and we moved in together at the request of my parents as we could not fit everyone into the same home we were renting at the time. Things of course started off great. He seemed like a decent man who had his life at least somewhat figured out. He loved to cook and usually worked in some form of cooking-related job. However, never really seemed to be able to keep a job for too long but at the time, I didn't think much of it, given I was 19 and wearing rose-tinted glasses.
Since he couldn't hold a job and we usually had to ask his grandmother for money to keep up with the rent (both worked basically minimum wage jobs at the time) so after a year out of the house, we had to move back in with my parents.
Once we got settled back in there, I started a better-paying job and he had started a new job that was at least okay paying as well so for a bit we were doing okay. We made enough that we adopted 2 horses together and boarded them at a nearby facility. One came in late spring, the other in the summer of about 2016. So after 2 years of being together.
We got married that same year in the fall. Everything seemed perfect. Then came the wedding night... What I thought was my monthly woke me in the middle of the night before it was time to get up to leave for our honeymoon because I was suddenly bleeding very heavily, it freaked me out and we silently went to the ER without telling my family to not cause alarm. Come to find out, I was having a miscarriage. I was a little over 6 weeks pregnant and did not know. Needless to say, not exactly the best way to start your marriage, and did not go on our honeymoon. We never told my parents it happened and very few people know.
We held off until the following year, 2017, to go on our honeymoon. While we were on our honeymoon, I got a call that my mare had come down with a fever and the stable owner was calling vets out to see what was wrong. The first vet played it off saying it was just minor, gave her penicillin, and told the stable owner to give her a cool bath to help her cool down and see if it helped. It did not. They called a 2nd vet after that was not working for a second opinion, and my mare was diagnosed with Potomac Fever. Since it had been a few days since she started her fever, giving her the correct medicines at that point as she was getting very poorly was a 50/50 chance of whether they would help or not. We did cut our vacation as short as we could, but we ended up having to wait to come home as our board check removed what we had left to come home on so we had no money until we got paid again, luckily that same week.
The day before we were able to return, my favorite singer, Chester Bennington passed away. I was devasted. When we did get to the stable, we bought some supplies the stable owner advised us to get, mainly wraps and bags of ice to help ice my mare's feet to try to help keep her fever at bay. We were advised by the vet when they stopped by the check on her that the next day they would bring out an x-ray machine to see if the bones in her feet had turned down or not. If they had not, then she had a chance of making a full recovery and staying sound, and everything would be okay. If they had, then she would likely never be able to be ridden again and need a lot of corrective shoeing and therapy which would be very expensive. We were also trying to keep her on her feet as if she went down and we could not get her back up, it would be a death sentence.
The next morning I went to the stable as early as I was able and.. disaster. I was met by the stable owner and he had advised that my mare had been down when he checked on her sometime in the early morning, around 3 or 4 AM. He was able to get her up then but wasn't able to tell how long she had been down before he found her and got her up, however, she had gone down again and had refused to get up. I was so heartbroken and went to her and tried for a good hour or so while my parents showed up. I was in tears telling them we'd probably be putting her down because she was down. We did get her up, but the damage at that point was done. She was down way too long and she has very noticeable nerve damage. Hardly able to walk, went to the bathroom in spurts, and was so unsteady on her feet that she could barely stay up. When the vet came, we let her know what was going on. They looked her over and advised that her fever was gone, but the damage would probably be permanent without very expensive therapy throughout the years and would never be the same again. It was the humane choice to let her go and she crossed the rainbow bridge that day. I only had her a year and 2 weeks on the nose, but she was my best friend, my heart horse, and I miss her terribly to this day, soon to be 7 years later come July.
After this happened, EH and I went through a bit of a rocky patch. For a week or so he was supportive and seemed to care that I was grieving the loss of my mare, but after a little while it turned into arguments about how I could still be upset, time had passed we still had our other horse so I should be fine, all sorts of crazy things. I couldn't understand how he could say those things to me, especially when he knew I was so close with my mare and had many great plans with and for her that were now of course, not possible. He didn't care so I just stopped going to him when I was upset about it.
Fast forward to late fall of 2018, we decided to move out of the home we were living with my brother in and move into a house owned by his grandmother for a work opportunity for my EH. He ended up getting the job which solidified us moving. Moving didn't go so bad, however, I had to leave my job to move so I was without for a bit until I got a job at the same place he was working at, which was a casino. Usually, we worked separately as he was a cook and I was a cashier for the different food areas, but sometimes we worked in the same area. I much preferred to be in a different area than him cause if we worked in the same restaurant that night, it would get exhausting with him trying to joke around and make passes at me in front of people and joke around that it was the husband and wife team and everything was great. The first few times it happened, sure it was actually kind of funny because we had worked through some stuff and were doing okay at that point, but it did get a bit old and repetitive at some point, and never had any personal space. Plus, I was the one driving because he had a suspended license at the time so I was stuck with him most of the time after the new food court opened. We got our first puppy together for my 22nd birthday the day after New Years, 2019.
We moved on to work with a co-worker at a duck farm in the area we lived which was kind of a fun job. He was hired full-time and I was part-time. We took care of thousands of ducks every day doing whatever needed to be done from farm maintenance, giving them vaccines, sorting them, tagging them, etc. I kind of miss that job as it was an interesting one to have. All was well during these times, but we did sometimes have arguments because he felt since I didn't work as much that this somehow meant I was being lazy around the house and could stand to do more cooking and cleaning (which I was already doing a majority of anyway). It turned into a lot of gaslighting arguments that made me feel like maybe I was not doing enough so I took on more than what I was already doing. With the new puppy and at that time 7 fish tanks ranging from 5 gallons to 150 gallons with over 100 total fish and the entire house to clean and outside work to do, I was busy most of the time he was not home. Of course, as soon as he got home, he would find 1 dirty little thing that I didn't get to or something that wasn't to his standards and he'd excuse me for doing nothing or not knowing how to do anything right. We got jobs working for the same place after the duck farm mysteriously let him go for unknown reasons, which I can now only assume were his fault. We met some nice co-workers and got our second puppy from one in late fall of 2019. My dogs could be Irish twins because their birthdays are a little over 9 months apart.
Things started to decline after this, especially during covid, 2020. I got it very early on when they didn't know what it was and was bad enough that I could not work at all because I was struggling to breathe and function most of the time for months afterward. He did help me some but not much more than getting cough medicine and checking on me every once in a while other than that, he wasn't around me much due to having to work or just not coming around me when he was home, which fair, didn't want to bring sickness to the workplace. We were laid off from that job though in the downsizing.
In that time, he started abusing online slot games, and the extra money we had that we had previously discussed was to be saved for either a newer vehicle or even maybe a home of our own down the road he used to get coins or boosts in his games. They were not the ones you could win actual money from so he was just purely wasting hundreds of dollars pretty much every week or every couple of weeks on these games. I also found he had been spending money online on sites such as OF and other smut websites and paying for NSFW stuff online. Also found he was cheating on me with one person on OF when I got a pinged message from his email chats on my laptop. I, of course, wanted to see what was happening and found everything he had been saying to this girl.
He was telling her around times we'd go visit my parents for the weekend that he was going out of town to his family but didn't say with whom. They would ask him how he was single and he would just say "Oh I don't know, just unlucky I guess" and things along these longs. I wasn't even given roommate status, He stated he lived alone. Had the 2 dogs, all the fish, was woah is me with it all. I confronted him about it and of course, he tried to deny everything, tried to say I was probably the one cheating, and was just trying to blame him, you know, totally normal sane reaction... not. We got into it pretty good, nothing physical, but we did not talk to each other for a bit, I had considered leaving to be with my best friend at that time, but ultimately we started talking and wanted to attempt to work things out. He of course promised not to do it again, he'd be better, all that good stuff so I decided to give him another chance. Of course, I realize that was a major mistake now, but you live and learn, unfortunately.
Things smoothed out for a bit and went back to being okay again. We had a chance to expand our animals so we took it, it was kind of an apology gift in all honesty. We gained 4 rabbits from my best friend in the late-ish summer of 2020. I met her for the first time in the at the time 8 years we had been talking (we met online) so that was great. I am coming to realize that gaining all the animals we did in our time together may have been a coping mechanism for me because I had something that was depending on me and loved on me so in some ways I realize I do have a lot of animals due to this, but I am also an animal lover and love all of my animals and they are very much spoiled rotten every day. They still bring me immense joy and are a highlight of my life even if they were gained with EH. We still had our other horse, a gelding, at this time yet as well and he had been moved to a new boarding facility that was close to where we had moved to. So things were great at this time. In 2021 in the summer I gained a leopard gecko, and in the fall I gained a Russian tortoise as well.
Backtracking a little to around the end of August 2020, I gained my current job and I was excited to start a new at-home job so I could work and not have to worry about going out and potentially getting deathly sick again. I do have RA so I do have a compromised immune system. He started back to work where we were working as they had started hiring people back, so I was happy to have a quiet background which was needed for my job. Well, that did not last long. 2 weeks after going back, he didn't go to work for a day or 2 and I asked him if he was going to work. He stated he was using his paid vacation time and had taken the next 2 weeks off because he "needed a break" from work because he was feeling burnt out even though he had only been back 2 weeks and wanted some time to do stuff around the house. I thought this was odd and he never asked if this was okay... I only found out when he stayed home instead of going to work as scheduled.
He did go back after those 2 weeks off but he only stayed about another month and it happened again that he did not go in for a day or 2 when he was supposed to be working so I asked him what was going on. He told me he had quit the job because it was burning him out and he did not enjoy the job anymore. I found this odd yet again because he did not express any of these feelings before doing so and never asked me. I was furious and asked him how he thought this was okay because in our budget I had made up for us (because he wouldn't) there was no way for us to survive on my income alone for long and we would likely have to destroy our savings to stay afloat. He stated he would look for another job right away, he just wanted some time to figure out what he wanted to do. How, when he had only just gone back to work after about 5 months off, I don't know, but it was what it was, I made it clear he had to find work.
At that time, around the beginning of 2021 or so, maybe more coming into spring, he started his online slot spending again, and I had found he never deleted his OF account and was talking to another girl that I didn't know about saying the same things he was before, except he was talking to this girl the ENTIRE TIME he was talking to the other one. I just didn't catch it cause he had deleted messages so I didn't see it apparently when I found the first one. So not only had he lied about going to delete the OF and other smut stuff, but he had actively continued to talk to another girl for the entire year and a half almost that he claimed he was working on us and our relationship.
Needless to say, I exploded internally and waited for him to come home after helping his gram with something. I had a plan. When he got home, I played it cool like any other day. Asked him how his gram was, what he did at her house, and all that, normal. Then, I calmly asked him who the OF girl was. The color of his face went pale. Or paler anyway. At first asked, who? And acted confused. I reiterated my question of who OF girl was, this time, seriously to let him know the jig is up. He stated he didn't know who I was talking about and didn't know anyone by that name. I pulled up his OF account on my computer and was like, oh really? then explain all of this, and scrolled through the months of messages with this girl.
He had the AUDACITY to continue denying it was him and said he probably got hacked. I found a picture of him fully in the nude in the full-length mirror in the bathroom that he had sent her and said, "Oh yeah? Then how do you explain this picture?" and continued to more of his parts he was sending to the girl and continued to ask and this to all them. He had nowhere to hide. I had also already downloaded copies of everything and sent them to my best friend (the one we got the rabbits from) so in case he wanted to delete everything and call me crazy, I had the proof that I was not and he did these things.
Eventually, he admitted to continuing talking to her even though he said he had stopped. His reasoning? Apparently, he didn't feel the same spark in our marriage or relationship that he had originally felt and felt like I was distancing myself from him and it just wasn't the same between us. He also stated that he felt as if his efforts to make our relationship work weren't being seen by me and he didn't feel appreciated in the relationship. I, of course, asked him what he meant because at that point I had been just trusting his word that he wouldn't do anything else and would stop. He hadn't done anything else. No romantic gestures, no help around the house, offering to grab food when we needed it, take care of me while I was sick, offer to take over any form of bills or anything financial that I was solely doing at that point because he didn't want the responsibility of and had stated beforehand he didn't want the responsibility of.. nothing. Absolutely nothing. Everything was always on me, and I was the one burdening myself and driving myself crazy, even when I had another health scare thinking I had a DVT because I had sudden swelling in my left leg around my knee area and would get sudden bouts of breathlessness and was advised to take it easy and remove as much stress as possible for a bit in case I did have one to avoid a possible clot from going into my brain or lungs. Luckily, I did not have it, or any clots. I was under so much mental and physical stress that my body was reacting negatively.
This did not stop him from continuing my stresses at all. I also developed Vocal Cord Dysfunction when I had covid and stress makes it worse so on top of the sudden swelling and breathlessness, the stress was also activating the VCD and constantly making it feel like someone was choking me full force, which would trigger anxiety attacks because of course I felt like someone was choking me full force and like I couldn't breathe and wasn't breathing or at least wasn't breathing normally. It's an awful experience that I wouldn't wish even on my worst enemies.
Despite all the cheating, I never mentioned a word to my parents even up until that point, but they had a feeling something was going on because I was probably being a bit distant with them. I didn't want anyone to know at the time and thought I could fix things. Things only got worse. When he did finally get a job, not until mid-2021, so at that point he'd been out of work almost a year, he again picked up his gambling habits. What made things worse and started to spin more out of control was the pizza shop he had gotten a job at installed slot machines for their customers to play if they wished.
You can only guess what happened from there. While he was making decent money at the time, I saw hardly any of it because he would gamble most of his income at those slot machines. I would tell him what bills needed to go out of our joint account (I had a separate account for myself for my pay, but a portion went into the joint) from his pay, and he would say okay got it won't spend anything over that, won't play this week since we won't have a lot left over, etc etc etc... and magically pretty much all of the money would be gone and I would be forced to dip into our savings to save our bills from going out of date and overdue and gets fees we could not afford.
For context, the joint account was after I paid most of everything else out of my account before seeing what needed to go out of the joint account as well. Usually, the joint account would be needed to cover our rent to his gram, groceries, gas, vet appointments for the animals, medical or dental appointments for myself or him, and pretty much anything other than rent that was a necessity. I took care of the actual main bills out of my pay. As stated above, EH wanted nothing to do with the financial responsibility of ensuring all the bills such as our electricity, water, heat, phones, and internet were paid for on time because "I was better at keeping track of that stuff". I took that on because since I worked from home, I needed to make sure 100% I would have internet and electricity, or else I wouldn't have a job, and I couldn't lose my job over something so stupid as not paying my bills on time. I am not that irresponsible.
In about mid-fall 2021, he was at work and I had requested the day off to take our dogs, then 2 and 3, to the vet for their yearly check-ups and vaccinations so they were good for the coming year. He had just gotten paid the day before and I checked the joint account before I left the house with the dogs and saw that so far, he had not done anything with the money, so all was good and I proceeded to take the dogs to the vet. They did fine. It comes time to check out and pay for the vet visit and... the debit card for the joint account declines and says insufficient funds. Confused, I asked them to try it again before looking because I knew I saw that there was more than enough to cover their bill before I left. Nothing, same thing, it says it's declined due to insufficient funds.
I began to panic because, at this point, we had $0 in our savings because of his antics up until that point, and if I used my bank card, while it would go through, would put me into the negative until payday, which was not until the next week. I checked the joint account and low and behold, within the 2 or 3 hours I was gone, he somehow blew through almost $1,000 in withdrawals to gamble, pretty much his entire pay and I had less than $100 in that account. He had gambled his entire pay when he knew I was out to a vet appointment at that current moment. I paid with my bank card so I could leave, as at that vet clinic, you had to pay for the services before leaving or they would not let you leave, or not let you leave with your animals at the very least until the bill was paid in full. They had no bill me later options.
Needless to say, I was fuming the entire drive home and immediately messaged him about it when I got home and the dogs settled. He messaged me back right away with a BS excuse that he forgot that was what was happening that day even though right above those messages he could see I reminded him I was going to the vet, told him I was leaving for the vet, and was at the vet currently, all of which he replied to.
It of course ended up in an argument when he got home and after a long time arguing he stated he didn't understand what all the fuss was about since I had covered the bill just fine. He was using his pay the way he wanted and that's how it should be. He dared to say my pay went to what I wanted and it wasn't fair I was putting such a tight leash on him and his spending when I spent money on myself all the time, which is not true. I reminded him of this very quickly and showed him my bank account was in the negative because of today due to paying all of the necessary bills we needed, not because I was spending on myself and reminded him if I didn't pay the internet and electricity especially, I wouldn't be able to work which was not in the cards with how his spending was.
I forbade him from spending anything without my okay at this point and in a last-ditch effort, took away and cut up his bank cards and hid mine where he wouldn't find them. This did stop his spending because he didn't have a way to spend. I would only give him my bank card if he asked to get something we needed or he needed, and he was to give it back immediately after use or as soon as he could give it back if he took it to work to get something after work like smokes or something for the house. If any cash withdrawals went out, he wasn't allowed to take it again for a while. This continued into 2022 and it worked, I could relax a little as he was starting to earn trust. Say what you will, but it had to be done. At the end of 2021, 2 days before New Year 2022, we, unfortunately, lost our other horse to a long battle with sickness so we were down to just our dogs, the rabbits, reptiles, and 3 fish tanks because we decided to downgrade on the fish keeping. After all, water was getting expensive to maintain all 7 we had.
The loss of our gelding, unfortunately, turned out to be a good thing, as after we had him euthanized and I had allowed EH to have a bank card of his own again because he had been doing very well, it wasn't long before he was back to his old habits of draining his pays. Only, without the about $400 a month board for our gelding going out anymore, it was much worse. There would have been no way we would have been able to afford to keep him after that. It got to the point I again, took his card away, but then he started finding where I was hiding both of my cards and would drain not only the joint account but also my account. This led to us getting behind in rent especially, on some of my credit card payments which had by that time gotten completely maxed out, and on payments to loans I had taken out to try to get us back on track. Not good.
This continued to no avail throughout 2022. I had many conversations with friends trying to see if there was anything I could do. I was at my wits end with all the constant fighting over finances, continued accusations of cheating, making me feel like I was worthless and not doing enough to try to get him to see reason, wondering why I was not good enough for him to want to change and get his act together, mental and emotional abuse, manipulative actions, almost anything you can think of. I wanted it to stop and I was getting tired of trying. My mental and emotional health declined greatly. My friends of course wanted to support me in whatever I wanted to try to do, but they also didn't like seeing me decline as much as I was.
I had a mental breakdown one night and basically did a 2005 Brittany Spears to my hair. I didn't shave everything off, however, a good 90% of my hair was shaved off and what I did have left was very much chopped and looked horrible. I did get most of it fixed, but needed help with the back, so I asked him to try to fix it up so it didn't look so chopped off. I was already not the best mentally and my anxiety was through the roof. I had simply asked him to just be careful and not accidentally cut or nick me. Pretty simple. As I was anxious, I asked him a few times, and was a bit flinchy when he was close to me. He took this the wrong way and threw the scissors down and started screaming at me that if I wasn't going to calm down and hold still I could do it myself and blew past me out the bathroom door. The door almost hit me when he swung it open and I just completely lost it. I sobbed and was in such a bad state of mind that I ended up scratching my arms to the point I made them bleed and covered with scratches. He didn't care or do anything about it, he had gone outside and taken the car and drove up leaving me there alone. I bandaged up my arms. They stung for weeks and I still have a few light scars. Not a very proud moment, but one that drew me closer to knowing I had to leave. The stress I was under was too much.
My now current boyfriend, whom we'll call BF, (32 M) came into the mix towards the end of summer 2022, introduced to me by my best friend after she found him gaming in Fallout, mixed in with my friends, and took their stance as well that if I wanted to try to make things work, he would try to be as supportive as possible. Over time though, he and my friends slowly cracked and smashed through my rose-tinted glasses to help me see that what was happening was not my fault, and was not an okay situation to be in. My best friend then distanced herself thinking I was choosing BF over her after we started talking more and we were hanging out more playing games together. She decided to end our 11-year friendship amid things even though she knew I needed her and we were not replacing her with each other, we just happened to be growing closer. We attempted to include her in things but she chose to leave and distance herself, stating to me later she regretted ever introducing us.
My BF and other friends became my main support systems, and I decided enough was enough and it was time to let go. I had fallen out of love with my EH for some time but didn't want to admit to it. The marriage was over. I told EH I wanted a divorce but he did not believe me. He said I was being crazy for thinking we should end things, but I knew I was not.
While he was at work one night toward the end of October 2022, I went online and found a service that would assist me in getting the papers we needed to start the divorce process and bought them on the joint account so he could see I was serious.
When he came home, I was on the computer with my friends on Discord, playing a game together. He came in screaming with an anger I had never heard before... He had screamed at me before, but this was different. He was screaming at me to get out of the house, that I needed to get out now, he didn't want to see me in the morning, he didn't care if he wasn't allowed to do that cause he was doing it anyway, he was so angry and my friends and BF heard him through my headset. One of my friends told him to shut up and calm down and EF snapped and screamed at them to shut up and stay out of it.
He then came straight for me and slammed my laptop shut so hard I was afraid he broke it, ripped my headset off my head, and threw me from my chair, continuing to scream at the top of his lungs that he wanted me out right then and there if I wanted to me that way. It all happened so fast, I couldn't stop shaking and looking at him, not expecting this. He had never put his hands on me before. Ripping the headset off my head nearly caught on my industrial earring, which would have been horrible if it caught and ripped out. Luckily it didn't.
Once I got past the initial shock, I stood up and lit into him that he couldn't just kick me out because he was mad I was finally done with him and the relationship, and the audacity he had to lay his hands on me. I needed time to get a place to live because of my work. I needed to get my options figured out, get the animals we had sorted out if I could keep them all or not, everything. I needed to make sure I was sorted out and he would have to deal with the fact that I had to do these things before I could get out of the house.
His anger turned into tears and he began crying and pleading with me not to go and crying he'd do better and be a better person and all the things he promised beforehand. He couldn't believe what he saw when he saw the request for divorce papers, he was sorry for putting his hands on me, the works. It did not work. I assured him I was going and needed to get things sorted out.
The next day I called my parents and told them what had happened and that I needed a place to stay or at least help looking for a place to stay. My parents and brother agreed that they would take me in as they owned and lived in a house, and I could live in the basement of the house so I had a room to myself and had room for my animals as well. I did have to rehome 2 of the 4 rabbits, however, they went to a loving home with a cousin of my brother's girlfriend who was experienced with rabbits and currently had some that 2 could intermingle with. So that worked in my favor.
I didn't think I would have room for both dogs and rabbits remaining, so EH decided he wanted to keep 1 dog and 1 rabbit. He wanted our first dog (the one gotten for my 22nd birthday) and the original rabbit he chose from my now former best friend. I agreed and kept our 2nd dog and the original rabbit I chose from my former best friend. I also was keeping the leopard gecko, tortoise, and fish. However, my parents agreed that if in the future EH ever decided to get rid of or no longer wanted our first dog and the other rabbit, they would allow them to come as well (important in a bit).
I made the move to my parent's house in mid-November 2022 and started the process for divorce. While I was getting the first papers ready to go and sent to EH to start the process, EH would continuously text me and harass me even when I asked him to stop messaging me. He would continuously say he wanted me to stay with him, he would change, ask how I could do this to us as by that time we have been married 6 years and together for 8. Trying to manipulate me into coming back with promises of change.
My response was to send him the first official papers to start the divorce process. In my state, once you initiate the process and request for legal divorce, and the request is approved, you have to wait 90 days before you can then submit the final paperwork to request to make the divorce official because the relationship is not going to work, both parties want the divorce, etc.
I had to send the papers a second time because they were not done properly the first time, but the second try was approved so the 90-day waiting time to submit the final papers began.
He continued to harass and message me multiple times throughout the first month, and then his harassment to try to get me to stay turned into distasteful language and cursing me out, saying he didn't need me he already moved on and had someone else so didn't need me anymore. All ploys were more than likely to see if I would suddenly want him. I did not react other than to say good because I had also already moved on and was with someone, my BF, so I was looking forward to being rid of him so I could be with my BF in peace and not have to worry about him anymore.
At that, he stopped messaging me finally, and I moved all correspondence to email instead of text and messenger for more formal communications only when I had updates regarding our pending divorce.
In about April 2023, I had a bad feeling about the well-being of my first dog and other rabbit so in an update email to let him know we had reached the 90th day so the next day I could start getting the finalization paperwork in, I asked him how both were doing and if I may have a picture of them just to ease my mind that they were doing okay and was maybe just nerves about losing them for good.
He met this simple request with utter anger and venom, stating he didn't have to tell me how they were doing and wasn't going to send any pictures. I was being crazy, they were fine so I shouldn't be asking or worrying about anything. This set alarm bells off in my mind because it was just a simple request to see how they were doing, and so far, legally, still, partly my animals until the divorce was final. I advised him of this and this time demanded proof that both the dog and rabbit were doing well or I would be calling animal welfare as a precaution to ensure their well-being and would want them back ASAP if not met, as I wanted them back if he was not taking care of them.
He again refused stating he didn't have to prove anything and that if I asked again, he'd report me for harassment and false accusations of animal abuse. Not wanting any legal trouble with a pending divorce, I dropped it and didn't ask again.
However, 2 weeks later I got a nasty email saying if I wanted my other dog and rabbit back so badly I could have them, as the dog had been whining so much it was annoying him and he didn't want to deal with it anymore. His sister was getting married in 2 weeks, so I asked if he wanted to have them out before or after the wedding since I was attending the wedding along with my brother and his girlfriend and would be in the area, but could get them earlier if needed. He opted for the week before the wedding because he wanted her especially gone. I asked about the rabbit and he said he changed his mind and wanted to keep the rabbit, but if I wanted her too, I could take her as well. I kindly advised the rabbit would be coming back with me as well as I did not want her alone with him anymore. I told my parents what was up and they agreed they could come home much to my relief.
That weekend in May 2023, my brother and I went to EH's house to pick up my dog and rabbit. The moment I saw them, I was so heartbroken and angry. The rabbit was in a tiny hutch meant just to hold them while we cleaned their big enclosure that obviously had not been cleaned or taken care of in some time and dirty murky brown water to drink. It was obvious she had been couped up there for some time, as her enclosure wall panels were broken down and on the porch. My dog was completely emaciated and in horrible condition. Her nails were overgrown, and she was skin and bones. You could see her ribs, spine, and hip bones, and her face was sunken in. Neglected and not taken care of or fed in some time.
I was so angry I grabbed them and put them in the vehicle and let my brother take care of EH. He talked to him for a bit as I called my parents crying telling them what kind of state my animals were in. They were furious. When we got home, they had the dog I kept outside so he could see his sister come home and they wanted to film their reunion and also show what EH did to her. My mother broke into tears when I carefully got my dog out of the car. She was so excited to see my parents again and her brother. And he was so excited to finally see her again. He had been so depressed without her as he grew up with her of course. It was a beautiful reunion but so depressing and sad because of how deplorable of a condition she was in.
My rabbits immediately went to each other when I put the other into the enclosure with the one I kept. They knew who each other were as well and they started grooming each other and cuddling together like they used to like nothing happened. Both my dogs and my rabbits are inseparable now. They can't stand to be away from each other.
The divorce was finalized in June 2023 and I made sure I had no forms of contact with EH again, blocking him on everything.
I can say I have found a wonderful man in my BF and he has helped me so much and been with me through all of this, we couldn't be happier to be able to be together without people asking how we're together if I'm married to someone else even though I was getting a divorce and no longer with EH. Mainly very religious family members who made a fuss about it, but still was a bit ridiculous.
If you reached the end of this and read every bit, if you have any questions feel free to comment below. An update in a separate post will be coming within the next day or so about what's going on with the woman who is currently with the ex-husband.
This was my story in this, context you may or may not want as not everyone's stories gets told. I am telling mine now as everyone in these situations should.

Hello.
This is a short description of the events leading up to my death as an agnostic, a little of what I experienced while dead, and the spiritual inquiry that ensued after I recovered.
Introduction
Let me preface with this overly-complex single sentence introduction, with the caveat that "politically correct" terms for things I say may have changed in the last 40 years, but I have not kept abreast with them:
I am - or was - a high-functioning Idiot-Savant with Hyperlexia and close to an Eidetic memory, offset with Alexithymia and Reactive Attachment Disorder.
Think, "Heroin baby born mute, given up for adoption, beaten into cognitively acceptable behavior by years of torture from adopted parents, then shuffled around in foster care until 18 after the neighbors eventually called the police."
To wit - I've spent a lifetime being called an emotionless but brilliant robot.
Spiritual Preface
My life has been spent best characterized as agnostic. I believed that Plato's noble lie suitably explained spirituality to quell the terror and confusion humans experience contemplating infinity and the unknown.
I was never particularly interested in spirituality because I spent a lifetime doing interesting, meaningful things with far-reaching ramifications and was intellectually fulfilled by the complex challenges that made me a leader in my fields of expertise.
I Died
I died in early 2022. Some people may elect to call this an NDE. I did not almost die. I did die. I died as I had lived - believing that my own intellect and capabilities let me live what I thought was a pretty noteworthy life.
As I was breathing my last, choking on blood, I experienced the stages of grief. In a few minutes, I cycled through denial, bargaining, and acceptance.
Denial and Bargaining
Humans speak ~125wpm. Fast speakers; ~300wpm. I type ~90wpm. We can think ~800wpm. Throughout my life, I've been an effective crisis leader because as my stress level grows, my ability to cognitively process information grows as well.
In the most extreme stress of my life now, I tried thinking my way out of the problem. I cycled through countless versions of different scenarios trying to extend my life in what was probably seconds, time seemed to slow to a stop, and I lived and died over...and over...and over...and over...but every subtle nuance of the status quo led to me dying at roughly at the same time, give or take a minute or two. It was like I was doing timed trials with a stopwatch, trying to improve my performance. I even resorted to prayer and a promise to commit my life to God in exchange for life.
I ran out of ideas. I'm well-versed with muscle failure - the upper limit of a workout when your muscles simply give out and cannot do anything else. I hit brain failure. I skipped out of rapid cognition into exhausted nothing, and God spoke to me for the first time: "You don't bargain with me."
I had a moment of stark, cold terror - both that I couldn't work my way out of it, and that God spoke to me. And that God wasn't giving me what I wanted.
Acceptance
The most interesting thing about it was that I FELT terror. I experienced FEELINGS. Whatever lymphatic anomaly that caused me a lifetime of emotionless rational calculation poked through to the right side of my brain and FELT something. It was amazing - I started to cry. I thought of the highlights of my career - my wins, my triumphs, my career highlights; the charity work I've done, the lives I've touched, and decided I had a good life and I was alright with it being over. My last conscious thought was, "Fuck you God, I did this on my own." And then I died.
I was Somewhere
And then I was there - basking in the warm light of absolute euphoria. Eternal peace. One with the universe - and I had the sense that anyone I wanted to communicate with was there. Anyone. The first person I thought of was someone I respected in life, and I "summoned" Steven Hawking out of the light. I asked if he'd take another shot at life on Earth if he were whole; to leverage his intellect again, and his communication back to me was essentially a very sad rejoinder that he couldn't believe I would suggest giving up where we were to come back to THIS. I screamed in anguish, horrified that I'd suggested giving up eternal, euphoric peace to come back here. I turned my attention away from the "collective" and to the light at the center of this place.
I don't know how or where to even begin with any of it. If the souls of beings are sparks of God's divine consciousness emanating light ... there were orderly rows of what I sensed to be angels lining the "approach" to God. I didn't join the collective, I waited at the outside of this "causeway" approach and communed.
I learned some things. I watched creation unfold. Universal expansion. A mote of iron suspended in the vacuum of space, expanding to grow a gravity well, pulling in dust and gas, creating a planetoid, a magnetic field, beginning tectonic activity, being surrounded by a globe of water; the "firmament" reaching critical mass and flooding the world; countless generations of fish flopping up onto land created by tectonic activity disrupting their traditional swimming lanes, the first ones that evolved into surviving on land masses; making it to fresh water and new breeding and feeding grounds; learning to ambulate on land with their tail fins; the fins eventually separating into legs - and on and on and on through time. I asked what the purpose of the universe was, and learned about that and the infinite planes of existence spiraling through eternity back to the beginning...books worth of information, flooding into an Eidetic memory.
And I remember the primal horror of being ripped away from there as my body was being resuscitated.
Resurrection
My medical records show that I had a traumatic brain injury to pair with my massive physical trauma. Worst of all, I had global aphasia.
I'm a polygot; and I was incapable of speech again. Worse, I couldn't comprehend the nature of speech, or articulate sounds. Again. I was screaming incoherently in my head. My speech skills didn't return in any sensible order. Nor did they return in English first, which is my native language.
I spent most of my lifetime in service to my country in one form or another; and I came to awareness in a strange place, surrounded by strangers, outside of my comfort zone, in horrible pain, being questioned; as my memories started returning, I started calling senior military and government officials to report that I had been kidnapped and was being interrogated. Three letter agencies visited. I was transferred, and denied access to a phone or access to the outside world. It got worse.
It took months, and lawyers, and money and courts to get me released from the hospital I was in.
For a while, I thought I was Chinese. I used ambassadorial privilege that I'm no longer entitled to to seek asylum and tried to flee the country. I was detained.
MONTHS in the hospital, more months rebuilding my memories and sense of self, and then ... trying to make sense of something I didn't believe in. So I started researching.
I've lost my security clearances. I lost my career...but I have full medical and financial security until I die with the "Permanently and Totally Disabled" classification added to my record.
I have a new life and a new career in a new place. I'm not the same as I was, but I think I might be better than I was.
Spirituality Revisited
I have never been a man of faith, which I've always considered to be a tool for a weak mind to grapple with the unknown. I believe in OODA loops, the scientific method, and empirical evidence.
Well...I still believe in those things, and rationally I cannot deny God.
So I started researching, praying, and meditating. Why would someone like ME end up in Heaven when my final thought was a middle finger to God?
I have Questions
Instead of blasting questions into the aether for random digital people to answer, I've done some research.
As it turns out ...
The burgeoning church during the 3rd and 4th century squashing the concept of salvation for all (most effectively through the writings of St. Augustine), ex-communicating Pelagius, introducing the concept of original sin, and embarking on an effective 1700 year campaign to indoctrinate believers that they needed church, priests, and centralized religious guidance (effectively justifying their own bureaucracy and existence) to allow those of the faith to acquire salvation (and avoiding Hell) - and inventing Infernalism along the way.
There are five verses in Revelation that discuss negative eternal ramifications, and a commonly accepted and traditional interpretation is that the "lake of fire" and "hell" and the "second death" are symbolic of eternal pain, torment, pain of loss and perhaps pain of the senses, as punishment for wickedness.
However, the original text - the Greek words translated "torment" or "tormented" into English - come from the root βάσανος, basanos with the original meaning of "the testing of gold and silver as a medium of exchange by the proving stone" and a later connotation of a person, especially a slave, "severely tested by torture" to reveal truth.
This planet - this plane of existence - IS hell. Lucifer was cast down - here to Earth - and our lives - and how we live them - how we deal with torment and testing - determines the truth of our soul; what it's made of, whether it bends and breaks, whether it refines into something like "pure gold or pure silver" or any metal you like for the allegorical reference.
It's interesting that there are some 45,000+ splintered Christian factions around the world - because the truth is - God is not the province of Christianity. That's a single religion in a single epoch on a single planet in a single solar system in a single galaxy in a single cluster in a universe created by an omniscient intelligence.
I suspect that the God of our universe created our universe for the same reason that the God of THAT plane of existence created THAT universe --- all the way back to the origin of eternity. I could be wrong.
Scriptural Support

• ”For no one is cast off by the Lord forever.” - Lamentations 3:31
  
• “Every valley shall be filled, and every mountain and hill shall be made low, and the crooked shall become straight, and the rough places shall become level ways, and all flesh shall see the salvation of God.” - Luke 3:5-6
  
• “And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.” - John 12:32
  
• “Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.” - Romans 15:18-19
  
• “For God has consigned all to disobedience, that he may have mercy on all.” - Romans 11:32
  
• "For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive." - 1 Corinthians 15:22
  
• "For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross." - Colossians 1:19-20
  
• “For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people, especially of those who believe.” - 1 Timothy 4:10
  

All of these scriptures speak to the salvation of all, not the salvation for some and the damnation of others. That plausibly explains why I ended up where I did when I died.
If there are any scientists amongst you, you know what comes next! You've read my problem statement, my hypothesis, a limited set of data that I am willing to share on the internet, and my conclusion.
If you scroll through my posting history, you'll find that I originally shared this story quite some time ago; that the ensuing couple of years have been spent in historical research of scripture and cultural ramifications when those things were written, and that my field of expertise is in neurochemistry.

During my first run of Soulash II, I played it super careful. I'd played classic roguelikes before, so I chose perma-death mode.
I skimmed a few beginner's guides before starting and chose to start as an adventuring pyromancer swordsman. I went to a hideout in a cave and killed some bandits. Then I salvaged their corpses and used their bones to make new weapons. I killed some cows in an abandoned farm for leather and used it to make some new waterskins, allowing me to travel further without having to divert to rivers or towns for a drink. Points of interest started springing up everywhere along my travels, and I spent quite a few hours getting lost in various skill trees as I read through all the possible abilities and experimented with different weapons I was looting.
Once I had plundered enough enemy camps, I realized my inventory was starting to fill up more than I could sell. So I decided to claim some land of my own and start building a base. I realized that I needed various tools to gather resources like wheat, so I ventured off again. After clearing out more points of interest I had enough gold to order some tools from a local toolmaker. I was able to find some metal and begin making my own tools. At this point I invested a few skill points into carpentry to build myself a nice wooden house and a few skill points into agriculture to plant a few wheat fields. The carpentry skill tree came with the added skill perk of bowmaking, so I decided to test my hand at ranged combat. I instantly fell in love.
As I was starting to max out my default skills, the time had come to begin to specialize my character and invest in deeper skill trees. Despite an insane amount of points invested into strength early on, I noticed that deep in the hunter skill tree came the ability to tame my own animal companion. I was sold that this would be my main skill tree. I created a build where I augmented each of my ranged spells with the fear ability and each of my melee skills with the knockback ability. So long as I was fighting a single enemy, I could permanently keep them from approaching. A few other perks from thievery and athletics allowed me to sprint away and vanish if things ever got too hairy, and my strength meant that I could hold my own even if I was forced to melee with my dual maces.
My character was now easily clearing the first tier of content, and I was ready to upgrade my gear. I did a hefty amount of research before I figured out the best way to acquire steel (you're supposed to click the question boxes on the world map to reveal the possible materials BEFORE you aimlessly wander around that tile looking for coal). After acquiring the steel, I took it to the best armorsmiths and weaponsmiths I could find. I now had epic armor and weapons, and was able to begin easily clearing the second tier of content. Eventually I had enough skill points to claim my hunter companion. I chose a panther and decided to break it in by attempting my first tier 3 content: A troll cave.
I was able to hold my own at first, but my panther was slaughtered as I progressed deeper into the cave. Luckily I had given it enough commands to gain a skill point in leadership, allowing me to gain a humanoid companion slot. I raced to the icy tundra and got a bear-man berserker companion with 50 free stat points ready to assign. I maxed out their strength and endurance and gave them my steel weapons. We went back to the ogre cave. Things were progressing well again, but the cave just kept going. As I got down to the third level, I was swarmed by more mobs than I was ready for. I had to vanish and sprint away, but my companion valiantly fought in my stead. He laid down his life for me. I managed to reclaim my weapons and get out of there.
I knew what my problem was. My companion was geared enough to deal damage, but not to tank the hits for me. Plus I wasn't using my animal companion slot anymore. So I decided to get another bear-person berserker from the same village (this time a bear-woman). I also used my adventuring skills to search the arctic glacier. I figured since there were no civilizations in the glacier, there might be unique animals. When I saw mammoth leather as a possible loot, I knew I was right. I traveled to the glacier and used my tracking ability to point me toward a mammoth. I clicked tame and had myself a new animal companion. I spent some time gathering steel for a fresh suit of armor for my new bear-companion. The time had come to face the ogre cave once again.
So we went in together. My map was flashing red as soon as I entered. I saw that the red flash was centered around my mammoth (much like quest objectives are) but I wrote it off as being an indicator to show where my party is. So we ventured into the deepest parts of the ogre cave. Having two companions with insane endurance and physical resist was paying off, and the hordes of trolls fell just as easily as the wolves in tier one had. I looted the final chest, ready to complete the ogre cave. Inside was an artifact piece of equipment. I was expecting the tiers to stop at epic, so I was super excited. However, the point of interest hadn't marked as complete yet.
I realized what was happening. For some reason (probably because it was marked as an exotic animal, or maybe because its inventory made it count as a chest) my mammoth was counting as an objective that I had to kill. I felt sad that the game had bugged and I had to kill my mammoth to progress, but it's in early access, so I forgave it. I removed the mammoth from my party and performed the mercy kill with my crossbow. The point of interest was marked as complete. Confident that I was now ready to begin clearing more of tier 3, I held W to walk toward my mammoth companion's corpse for its skin. I was then struck down.
It turns out that my bear-woman companion saw the mammoth as her own companion. Perhaps being from the glacier, she felt a spiritual bond to her wooly brethren. More than likely it just bugged. But as I stepped forward to skin the mammoth, my companion began swinging at me. I was not at all expecting it, and simply walked forward as she struck me down. Like I said before, I gave her my best steel hammers and pumped up her strength stat. She dealt 90+ damage a turn to me as I walked forward, killing me in three steps. I had literally just seen the event complete popup from killing the mammoth, so my guard was completely down when I moved forward.
While my first death was a bit frustrating, I completely understand that it's just part of playing an early access game with a single developer. I absolutely love this game so far. It feels like everything ever I've wanted out of a classic roguelike, which says a lot considering my thousands of combined hours in Dwarf Fortress Adventure Mode, Tales of Maj'Eyal, and Caves of Qud. The scaling is just linear enough to feel like you're making progress when you sit down to do something, while the combat abilities are unique and varied across many different skill trees, allowing for huge build variety and potential for specialization.
The game is just classic high fantasy at its finest, borrowing lots of classic fantasy tropes and lore without feeling like it's ripping off anything. Dexterity levels up bow damage, trolls have increased health regeneration and live in caves, minotaurs wield greataxes and live in labyrinths, epic items are purple, tin and copper combine to form bronze, bronze is about equal to iron but worse than steel. It's all the things you already know and expect in a fantasy game, and somehow instead of feeling played out that makes it feel quaint and refreshing. Like you're finally getting another taste of the good home cooking you've been craving after years of being fed processed garbage.
Playing this game in early access feels like I've gone back in time and am playing the original beta for Terraria or Minecraft again. Like I've caught wind of something special. It is the current culmination of everything that the roguelike genre has led up to, and if this is what the game looks like in early access, then I have full faith that the final release will be absolutely incredible.

it’s gotten to a higher point now than it’s ever been in my life. people absolutely revile me, my culture, and my country, and have no problem expressing their opinions about it. i’ve seen so many posts, comments, videos just absolutely ripping us to pieces. i think my breaking point was that a youtuber i really like(d) too just posted stuff that was so offensive and disrespectful it bypassed making me mad and just made me sad. honestly, sometimes i feel subhuman, like i’m filth and everybody hates me. i have a paranoid and anxious personality so i feel like people are going to attack me in public. it’s so frustrating- we’re held to the worst worst worst stereotypes that people can ever be. to be completely honest it’s made me question my own worth. just the sheer number of people that just fucking HATE us is staggering and hurts. i wish i didn’t let it get to me but after reading so much of it it does get to my head. i’ve removed myself from certain spaces where that attitude seems to be prevalent- but even on mainstream outlets it exists. i’m getting online less, that seems to help but the small time i’m on more likely than not has that garbage on it. i’m just so frustrated. it’s gotten so bad at times i have thoughts of hurting myself or ending things just because i’m so hurt and feel literally so worthless

This is going to be a long read, so lock in. If you read all this, thank you.
I have done so much research, asked so many people, experimented with almost every label, and just nothing feels right what so ever no matter what I do. Im never comfortable with anything.
I found out I was part of the community at 12 years old. I found out I was bisexual after crushing on a girl in the 6th grade. I was a cis bisexual girl for a year until 8th grade, I realized I was a lesbian. Which is really funny, because I had a crush on the same boy for 6 years, then suddenly I lost the attraction to boys after finding out I liked girls.
Fast forward another year, I realized I didn’t feel like anything. I wasn’t sure at first if it was just my depression messing with my head so I kinda lost a sense of my identity or not. Even so, I found out what non-binary was, and I was super comfortable with that and started going by a different name, and they/them pronouns. I was good with this for a whole 2 years, being an enby lesbian.
Fast forward another year, my health worsened, was still going through puberty. When I hit 15, I was starting to think I was a trans man. I absolutely hated how I looked, my chest started to bother me. I started getting jealous of boys, and would be so angry how well they all got along with eachother, and could take their shirts off during summer. However, due to my depression, I’ve never liked how I looked or who I was in the first place. I never can tell if it’s my mental illness or if I’m actually trans.
I started wearing binders, cut my hair, dressing masc, all that. I don’t have any problems with he/him pronouns. I changed them to he/him and came out to my sibling and friends about this change. They all accepted me and it felt so good.
I constantly cry out of anger that I wasn’t born a boy, and constantly think about how much better life would be.
I have autism, so I don’t know if I’m actually dysphoric about my chest, or if it’s just a sensory issue because I don’t wear my binder often. Same with having long hair. I want to grow it out but I hate how it feels when it touches my neck, and that people see me more as a girl when it’s long. But it’s super annoying having a chest and I want to rip it off. Im always daydreaming about living as a boy, and how freeing it would feel if I was flat chested and can be seen as a man.
But then there are other times where I’m still so jealous of girls, of how pretty they are. And why I can’t look like that. I still daydream about being in a girl friend group, doing girly things, and being pretty and having boys’ attention.
By time I was 16, I kinda started accepting myself as a trans man because I didn’t like she/her pronouns.
But then I went down another rabbit hole and used many other labels such as agender, gender-fluid, bi-gender… and nothing seems right. Like, am I really trans or am I just insecure? Do I just really f*cking hate myself so much that I want to be someone else?
Im constantly changing my labels and my pronouns all the time. And I’ve become embarrassed because I feel like it bothers people even though I’m just trying to figure out who I am.
Nothing feels right and nothing makes me feel comfortable. I do want to have labels because it helps me think I may be something even if I’m not 100 percent sure because I know I don’t want to be nothing, but maybe it would be better that way? I have absolutely no idea anymore.
Now, I’m 17 currently and have gotten so tired of trying to figure it all out that I stopped letting it bother me of how people saw me or called me anymore, but that doesn’t mean I stopped caring how they perceive me, because it does still bother me, a lot. But I don’t know why? Just being seen as a girl no matter what I do to look the opposite makes me so sad and so angry. But I don’t feel like a girl or a boy. Literally all I feel inside is pain lmao.
I don’t know what else to say, nothing seems to suit me and I just feel like a lost cause within my identity and sense of self. The amount of disconnection I feel is crazy. I just wanna jump out of my body and be a ghost. No tips or anything have made me feel slightly better about myself.
Thanks for reading this, I would love to read what other trans folks have to say about this. I’ve never been more lost and confused in my life. I just wish I could have stayed as a cis girl sometimes.

Killer Grips: Anne Maria, Brick, Jasmine, Justin, Millie
Screaming Gaffers: Chase, Izzy, MK, Ripper, Scott
Episode 9: The Sand Witch Project
"Last time, on Total! Drama! Action! A girl with vision. Vision that took her past everyday thinking. But when the chips were down, and even when the chips came back up again, she was the only one who could rescue them."
"Searching for a cure to the disease that was afflicting her dearest friends, a challenge was won. A cure found."
"But will-" Chris began to munch and crunch on something, though, so the rest of his sentence was completely muddled and unintelligible. The recap footage ended and the shot cut to Chris sitting on the amphitheater bleachers with popcorn at his side.
"Hey, what can I say? Gross disease movies make me crave a little corn!" He picked up his snack and smiled. "But, it's time to put the snacks away, kiddies," he tossed the bag over his shoulder, "because after this totally terrifying episode," the scene cut to a nighttime shot of him walking past a portable toilet near the cast trailers, "there won't be a stomach left unturned!" A horrible growling noise came from inside the toilet that made the host flinch, but he recovered his composure quickly and walked over to a nearby campfire. "Hold on to your buckets. It's time for some Total! Drama! Action!"
(Theme Song)
The episode began with a shot of a soccer ball rolling across the shot and the camera zoomed out to show Jasmine and Justin kicking it back and forth to each other. Brick was also in the background sleeping on a lounge chair.
The camera panned to the right to show Anne Maria, Izzy, MK, Ripper, and Scott playing cards at a picnic table. "Sorry, wimps," Ripper said with a triumphant grin, "but I won this round!" The bully put his cards on the table. "Whose turn is it to deal?"
"Mine," Izzy said, grabbing the cards. “Watch this!” She then did a number of intricate moves to shuffle them, much to her competitors’ amazement.
Confessional: Scott
"Izzy's such a showboat," Scott told the confessional camera. "She's always there to demonstrate how “cool” she is, but can she smash twenty kitchen rats in under a minute? No.”
“I just wish that my team loses the next challenge so we can vote her off, and I know how to handle that if it comes down to the wire,” the farmer said sneakily.
Confessional Ends
The footage cut back with Millie and Chase sitting on the steps of the boys’ trailer, Millie holding a small basket of sandwich wedges.
"I can't believe how many of these were leftover after lunch!" Millie said before tossing one of the sandwiches into her mouth.
“I can't believe you managed to steal these in the first place!” Chase chuckled.
"I can't help it," Millie said giddily. "Egg salad sandwiches are super tasty, and it's not like Chef will notice."
“I clearly taught you well,” Chase said. “You know, it's great to hang out with each other given all the times we've been separated.”
“We still have to manage until the merge, Chase,” Millie reminded her boyfriend. “Things have been crazy though with Trent's jealousy over you and Sky and his challenge throwing.”
“I didn't even know about all that until you told me a few days ago,” Chase said.
“Sky told me all about it, and I didn't have the time to inform you,” Millie admitted.
“I'm still cool with Trent, but if anybody thinks that I'll drop you for another chick, then they don't know a thing about me,” Chase declared. “I'd rather get poison ivy then cheat on you.”
“Your loyalty is one of the reasons why I'm in love with you,” Millie admired before giving Chase a peck on his cheek.
"I wouldn't be Chase without that, Millie!" Chase smiled. "Now watch this!" A fast-paced and hectic tune began as he did a front handspring, landed, then jumped into the air, twirled a few times, and landed in splits. "This is how you speed eat, folks," he said as he did his routine. He stood up from his splits, took out a few sandwiches from his pockets, and tossed his snacks into the air, catching them all with his open mouth. He took a bow after he finished swallowing.
The contestants applauded politely. "Nice one," Anne Maria said. “I've seen monkeys swallow less bananas than we do with these sandwiches."
"Chef's food has gotten so good," Justin said with a mouthful. The sound of loud snoring filled the air and everyone looked over at Brick, the camera zooming in on him as a ripple effect transitioned the scene.
It was a dark and stormy night on the film lot, and a rat scurried by past the craft services tent before lightning flashed and the camera zoomed in on the light coming from the kitchen window. A few jarringly tense notes played as the shot focused on a kitchen knife in Brick's hand before the music softened out and the knife was used to spread egg salad on a slice of bread. Cheese and lettuce were added next, followed by another slice of bread, and Brick was shown looking at the sandwich with a smile on his face – a stack of similar sandwiches was on the counter nearby.
Just then, Chef made his presence known in the background after another flash of lightning and shouted "Lunch!".
Brick squeaked and held his knife out in front of him in an attempt to protect himself, and Chef began to slowly clap his hands in a deadpan manner.
"We need to stop all this cheating," Brick begged. "Being in this alliance is seriously going against everything I stand for as a cadet."
"This is not about right or wrong, son," Chef declared remorselessly. "It's about you and me winning that cool mil."
The footage rippled back to the present.
Brick was still snoring peacefully as the camera panned away from him and back to the picnic table where Millie and Chase had joined most of the others.
"So, what're you guys doing?" Chase asked the card players.
"We don't think there's gonna be a challenge today," Ripper explained, "so we've just been playing cards against each other."
“And it's kinda getting borin’ with Big and Blue winning a majority of our games,” Anne Maria shot a grim look at Ripper.
“It's not my fault I'm better than you all at Go Fish, Rimmy, and the sort,” Ripper scoffed.
“Now I wish there is a challenge,” Izzy grumbled.
“I second that,” Scott nodded.
The background music became tense as the loudspeakers squealed on. "Attention Total Drama victims!" Chris announced dramatically. "Please meet me in the northeast corner of the studio-palooza! Bring lozenges!" he added over a shot of Chase chewing and swallowing one of his sandwiches while looking up. "The screaming is gonna hurt!"
"Wishes do come true," Izzy laughed humorously as she looked at the others around her.
The footage cut to a view of MK and Izzy through a small monitor looking unamused. "We walk all the way out here," the techno girl said, "yet Chris hasn't arrived yet!" The camera pulled out to show that the monitor was part of a larger recording device pointed at the Gaffers, who along with the Grips had assembled at an open-air set in what looked to be the middle of nowhere.
"Maybe he's racked up too much overtime figuring out new ways to torture us," Justin suggested, leaning against a light in the middle of the shot.
As if on cue, a familiar shout came from above that startled the handsome boy. He and the other castmates looked up in time to see none other than the host falling back-first from above, a small square of red just barely visible on the bottom of his shirt. He landed just below the screen with appropriately dramatic music and a burst of something thick and red that splattered the horrified contestants.
The camera cut to a tilted shot of Chris McLean impaled on the same light which Justin had just been leaning up against. All of the castmates screamed.
"Huh. Guess the producers don't like paying overtime," Justin commented.
"I'm worth every dime!" Chris said, suddenly sitting up with a grin and a shrug.
"I was just about to go out looking for your car and hightail it out of here," Chase spoke up in disappointment.
"It's the magic of cinema, boys and girls!" Chris declared, ignoring the comment. "I'm absolutely, perfectly, Chris-ily fine!" He took the top of the light off his body, revealing that, in fact, he hadn't been impaled at all. "Wanna see how it's done?"
"NO!" every contestant shouted and scowled angrily at the host.
Chris explained anyway, and blood appeared to pour down over the camera turning the whole screen red before the shot zoomed out to show the red was all inside a small square packet similar to what had been on the host's shirt. "Our cracker-jack effects team seals fake blood into a thin membrane of plastic," Chris said before the shot of him falling was shown again, "called a 'squib'." A top-down view of the fall appeared on the top half of the screen that showed the host smiling, while a yellow-and-black silhouette scene on the bottom depicted two interns carrying a mattress to the landing sight.
"This baby bursts on impact," the host said as the screen was splattered red again, which dripped away to show footage of the mattress being lowered into a hole in the ground behind the light, Chris falling down into it with a burst of blood before the ground the light was on descended into the ground and a platform with Chris on the fake light rose to take its place. "An old-fashioned optical illusion helps sell that I get impaled!" the host said as another silhouetted scene slid in from the right showing the fall from a side-view, with the quick change of platforms and lights.
"Can you not make like a sloth right now?" Jasmine groaned. “Get on with it.”
"Time for today's totally terrifying, blood-curdling, Horror Movie Challenge!" Chris announced before starting to walk around in front of the castmates. “To figure out which team gets which challenge, a scream-off! Think of every great horror movie you've ever seen.”
Izzy gasped in excitement. “Oh my gosh, you guys. Did you see that one with the possessed rug that learns to walk and smother cats? Or did I make that up?”
"All horror movies have one thing in common: fantastic screaming from actors. And," Chris added as he walked back past the Grips and lingered in front of Justin, "the killers that snuff them." The pretty boy looked nervously shocked, but Chris paid him no heed. "Each team, pick a serial killer," he told the castmates. "The rest of you will be the screamers. If your serial killer can make you scream the loudest, your team wins!"
A roaring chainsaw swiped down across the screen, accompanied by a sudden but dramatic twist to the background music as the screen was splattered red again.
The 'blood' effect drained away, transitioning the scene to Jasmine talking to the Killer Grips outside the numbered studios while holding the mask and bottle of ketchup. "We have to go with Anne Maria. I'd do it, but my height would be a dead giveaway."
“She scares me on a daily basis,” Millie agreed with the plan.
“And though the mask offers good protection for my beautiful face, I already performed a role in the third challenge,” Justin added.
Jasmine was about to give the mask to Anne Maria until Chef came in and grabbed the object. "Brick's gotta do it!" he claimed furiously.
"But we already agreed to a plan," Jasmine argued.
"Brick… is doing it." Chef said again.
"I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to tell us what to do in the challenges," Anne Maria talked back.
Chef grabbed her hair and held her off the ground. "Do you like having your hair shaved off of your head? Cause I can make that happen," the large man said to Anne Maria threateningly.
Confessional: Anne Maria
"I love my pouf," Anne Maria said. "Not only do I get to style it into whatever the heck I want, but I can also stash things in like spray cans, phones, food. Anything goes as long as it's not overly big. And the last thing I want right now is to lose my hair because of a dumb decision."
Confessional Ends
Chef dropped Anne Maria onto the floor, grabbed Brick by his collar, and shoved the mask onto his chest before stomping off in a satisfied manner.
"Since when does Chef buzz into challenges?" Jasmine asked. "This smells fishy to me."
"Oh, my bad," Anne Maria pulled a sandwich out of her pouf. "I was saving this for later."
“You guys have to let me be the killer!” Chase told his four teammates. “I have a lot of experience with scaring people on Halloween.”
“Okay, I am such the better scarer,” Izzy interjected. “My own dog is terrified of me, okay?”
“Most of my classmates are terrified of me, so I think that triumphs more over that,” Ripper argued.
“I wanna be the killer,” Scott grunted. “This is a role I was born to play.”
MK cleared up her throat. “Can everyone just-”
“But I was the one who scared my teammates last season with the bear costume,” Izzy pouted.
“I was one of them, and I won't be fooled by you again,” Ripper huffed.
MK gritted her teeth before shouting “I'm going to be our serial killer and that's final!!” Everybody stopped arguing and looked at the shortest member of the team. “You guys being the killer would be predictable and boring, and I'm just as worthy of being scary as you all.”
Confessional: MK
“I haven't done much lately other than puke my guts out and sweat uncontrollably,” MK admitted. “If we were to lose this challenge, no way would they consider voting me off if I do my best as the killer.”
Confessional Ends
The footage skipped ahead to night, showing a close-up of Chase walking somewhere around a wooded part of the film lot.
“Looks like we've been lumped into this together,” Jasmine said as the shot pulled back to show the Australian woman wandering around the woods as well.
"Who would've thought?" Chase asked rhetorically.
"Alright, Jasmine and Chase," Chris announced as the shot pulled out yet again to show the host sitting in a director's chair just off what was revealed to be an indoor forest set. "Prepare yourselves for your killers to enter!" The viewpoint shifted in front as he continued excitedly. "And then, I want huge, massive, ginormous screams! We'll be measuring the volume on our Scream-o-Meter!" He pointed above him as a bright green volume icon appeared; a stock screaming sound effect was played that caused the volume meter to rise from left to right, green to yellow to red.
"Lights!" Chris commanded, a dramatic note playing as a stage light was shown turning on. "Camera!" a camera was shown popping up and turning on to another dramatic note. "Action!" A film slate was held in front of the camera filming Chris and clapped.
Chase was shown in the distance with his back towards the camera just before a hockey mask was put 'on' over the shot. The camera moved forward a few steps towards some bushes as tense music built in the background, and the viewpoint shifted to show what was obviously a masked MK watching her teammate from hiding.
The music peaked as she jumped into the open with a roar, prompting Chase to scream… for a few seconds before stopping himself.
"Seriously?" MK asked in annoyance.
“I told myself that you'd be coming any time, so I had to prepare my scream,” Chase told his teammate.
The Scream-o-Meter only registered a few bars.
The camera cut to Brick peeking out of a tree. "I would've preferred if Anne Maria was performing this rather than me," the cadet said, making Chef pop up and scare Brick away with a roar.
Brick bumped into Jasmine while running away. "Oh, hello Brick," Jasmine greeted after turning around.
Brick looked at Chef one last time before putting the mask on and growing, leading Jasmine to scream and make the Scream-o-Meter register all the way to the first red tick.
"With a solid 55 on the Scream-o-Meter, let's notch one up for Brick, Jasmine, and the Killer Grips!" Chris announced.
The scene changed to a portable toilet set up in a smaller indoor forest set. “They cannot be serious," Anne Maria said as the camera cut inside to her filing her nails. "Who do these people think they are filming us in here?" The shot zoomed out slightly, showing that she was, indeed, sitting on the toilet. "I'm not giving them the satisfaction of using the toilet."
A flash took the scene to Scott's turn alone in the portable toilet. "Why don't we just give up now?" Scott scoffed. "There ain't nothing that can scare the Scottmeister much, and MK is no exception."
As if on cue, the techno burst into the toilet and growled loudly, causing Scott to let out a blood-curdling scream.
The camera cut back to Anne Maria, and Brick came into the toilet. "Were you in the middle of…."
"Wasn't even thinkin’ about it. Now do the scene," Anne Maria encouraged Brick, who let out a simple roar.
Scott was still screaming as the camera cut back to him and MK to the point where the Scream-o-Meter topped out.
Suddenly, the sound of peeing was heard, and Scott became quiet in his moment of embarrassment.
"I bet you never made anybody wet themselves like I did to you," MK took her mask off while snorting.
"Sorry, Brickhouse," Anne Maria said as the shot cut back to her and Brick. "You just don't scare me at all. You're kinda a marshmallow."
"I am large and in charge," Brick pointed out. “You're too tough to frighten.”
"And that's round two to MK, Scott, and the Screaming Gaffers!" Chris announced as the camera cut to him in the director's chair. "With a pee-fueled 85 on the Scream-o-Meter!"
After Chris left, Chef snuck out from behind the potty. "If Brick won't step up, the other half of the alliance has to."
The footage flashed ahead to another set, this time a couch in what appeared to be a small cottage in the woods. Ripper and Izzy were sitting on it together with scripts in their hands, while Chris stood a few feet away. "Alright guys," he told the two, "this is the tiebreaker scene. You're gonna have to act your faces off!"
Ripper read the script and his eyes went wide in excitement. "We get to make out! Brilliant!" he grinned.
"Those are one of my favorite parts of any horror movie," Izzy added.
"I love movie life!" Ripper smiled as Izzy sat on his lap and they began to kiss.
As the sounds of their make out session got louder, the camera panned over to Chris standing there with an awkward look on his face. "Awkward," he told the camera.
Millie and Justin were on the couch for the Grips, the camera focusing on the writer as she scanned the papers in her hand. Her eyebrows shot up and she dropped the papers. "No," she said. "Not this. Especially when I'm already dating Chase."
"I'll let you know that I'm a pretty good kisser," Justin told her.
Chris poked the top of his head up from behind the couch, looked between the two teens, and raised himself even further with a grin on his face. "Don't forget, kiddies," he told them, "it's a million bucks!" He ducked back behind the couch again.
With no other choice, the two leaned towards each other with their eyes clenched shut and puckered up. Their lips only barely touched before they recoiled.
“Glad I got that over with," Millie said frantically.
“It was a millisecond kiss, not a kiss of death,” Justin stated as Brick popped up from behind the couch and growled, but the two ignored the killer.
The camera cut to Izzy still making out with Ripper. MK crept up from behind them, brandished her knife, and said, "Ready to be chopped into sushi?!" She was ignored. "Uh, hello?!" she asked in irritation.
The duo looked over at her and gave half-hearted screams that barely stayed green on the Scream-o-Meter, making MK facepalm.
The shot panned over to the three sulking Grips until they looked up and saw a hockey mask wearing Chef brandish a revved up chainsaw and they all screamed. It was enough to put the Scream-o-Meter all the way in the red, and Brick managed to pass out and fall forward onto the couch.
"Well, looks to me like Brick and the Killer Grips have won this one," Chris announced as he walked onto the set, "seeing as they buried the needle. Join us after the break to see if Brick is still alive," he said as Justin and Millie looked over at Brick with concern. "Brick!" Chris called lightly. "Come in, Brick!"
(Commercial Break)
The footage came back with a bottom-up shot of the other nine campers looking down in a circle; counterclockwise from a gap at the top of the screen were Scott, Jasmine, Izzy, Millie, Ripper at the bottom, Anne Maria, Chase, MK, and Justin.
"Is he still breathing?" Anne Maria asked.
"I think he's saying something," Jasmine said before the viewpoint moved to a close-up of the unconscious cadet.
"I'm sorry. I can't take this anymore…" Brick murmured before his face turned scared and he shouted "NO NO NO NO NO!" while turning around.
“Okay, time to wake this doof up,” Ripper said before grabbing Brick's body and sitting him on the couch. The moment he did so, the bully smacked Brick hard on the face.
This act woke Brick up, and he looked around in confusion. "What happened? Why am I here? And where's Chef?"
"Chef's in a meeting with the producers," Chris explained. "A disciplinary meeting. He's in trouble! Not allowed to mess with the challenges."
"I had a feeling something smelled fishy, and not the sandwiches," Jasmine said suspiciously.
"Moving right along," Chris interrupted as the camera pulled out to show the full cast. "It's time to pack up those overnight bags, loser Gaffers!" The camera focused on the five in question. "You and your sleeping bags are spending the night in the dining hall!" All five of them slumped in disappointment. "Grip winners, back to the comfort of the trailers for a little R&R! I'll see you there in half an hour."
The scene flashed over to the craft services tent, the lights within already on. “The craft services tent isn't a bad place to spend the night,” Chase was heard saying before the camera cut inside. "We still have some good memories of the food we ate in here."
Izzy popped out from under a nearby table. "More than memories. I just found half a piece of cheesecake under here," she demonstrated the food.
“Could you split that into one-fourth so I could at least take a piece?” Chase suggested as he looked over the cheesecake.
"Guys!" Chris called from off-camera. "You mind joining us here?" A creepy tune began as the shot moved onto the host on a stool in the middle of the tent, the other three Gaffers seated on the floor around him as Izzy and Chase walked up.
"I'm about to tell you why this film lot was abandoned and closed!" he told the teens in a low voice.
"Because it's a death trap?" MK deadpanned.
"Hush, my child," Chris told her. "This film lot is perfectly safe! On this plane. But in the other dimension...," he trailed off, picking up a flashlight and shining it dramatically up from under his chin, making Izzy, Chase, and MK's eyes widen as they gasped.
"Juanita Rentacop, a dedicated security guard who worked here for twenty-five loyal years, until her mysterious death," he told them slowly. "Right here...," the music built quickly and sharply as the camera pulled back and he stood up and pointed at the ground. "ON THIS VERY SPOT!" Even Ripper and Scott flinched slightly from his sudden exclamation.
"Now," Chris continued as he looked from Gaffer to Gaffer, "her desperate and uneasy spirit walks the lot." He tilted his flashlight towards the wall and doorway, shadows of the bare tree branches falling on the outside of the tent. "No one has ever managed to spend a whole night in this craft service tent!"
"Because the falling sets killed them?" MK asked in a dry tone.
"'Cause," Chris told her as he returned the light to under his chin and the background music rose again, "of the HAUNTING!" he leaned away from her and turned off his flashlight. "Your task," he said with a grin in the center of the group, "spend the whole night here, without leaving this tent. If all or one of you manage to do so," he began to walk off to a table near the kitchen, "your team gets invincibility, and nobody goes home."
"Track any psychic phenomenon using these ghost meters," the host said as the camera zoomed in on a trio of handheld electronic devices resting on the table along with a ouija board. "And just in case," he added as Scott walked over to him, holding out his flashlight before clutching it to his chest and handing the boy a tiny keychain flashlight instead.
"Gee, thanks," Scott said as he held up the light and turned it on, completely unimpressed.
A flash took the scene to the campfire in front of the cast trailers, where the five Grips awaited an approaching Chris McLean. "The Screaming Gaffers are sitting in the craft services tent like sitting ducks," he told them as the camera panned from his close-up to eager Brick and confident Justin, then excited Millie and smirking Jasmine. "Your task is to make like special effects gurus, and frighten the pants off them!" He laughed, then told a skeptical Anne Maria "Or at least scare them enough to get them out of the tent before sunrise."
"How are we supposed to scare them?" Anne Maria asked.
"It's your call," Chris answered. "But if you get them out, your team wins invincibility and nobody goes home. Oh," he added as an afterthought, "just so you know, I told them some cockamamie story about a security guard who died on set." He chuckled, then walked away.
"How are we going to pull this off?" Brick asked his teammates.
"Chase is probably going to get mad at me for this, but I say we turn out the lights," Millie suggested. “Me and him experienced a blackout when we hung out at his house and he couldn't handle it.”
"I've got it!" Jasmine declared with a snap of her fingers. "Let's go. We have work to do." The others shrugged and followed the Outback girl away from the trailers.
The footage skipped ahead to the Grips outside of the tent watching Jasmine hold a white sheet, pillow stuffing, and a red bird in her arms. “Now that we have our things required, allow me to tell you the plan.”
“Why is a bird even on a film lot?” Justin asked.
“This bird just tends to fly around and rest on my branch,” Jasmine explained. “More importantly, I'm going to place the bird in-between the stuffing in order to give it some space to flap its wings, and with the sheet covering both the bird and the stuffing…”
“...the Screaming Gaffers will think that a ghost is haunting them!” Millie realized.
“You hit the nail right on the head,” Jasmine said while ripping some of the stuffing off before placing the bird inside.
“Let's get down to business then,” Brick agreed.
Inside the tent, Ripper, Izzy, Scott, and Chase were shown playing cards at the table nearest the closed-up meal counter while MK sat in front of them feeling bored.
“Do either of you have a seven?” Ripper asked attentively.
"Augh! How did you even know I had that?" Scott groaned as he put a card from his hand down on the table. “I hate to say it, but you really are good at cards, Rip Van Winkle."
Chase noticed something behind him and began to scream, and his teammates looked at him oddly. "Is something wrong?" Izzy asked as her teammate pointed to the air behind him. A few deep notes played as the shot cut to the flapping ghost moving left and right by itself.
Scott, Izzy, and Ripper joined Chase in screaming before they dashed towards the exit.
"Hold on!" MK cried out, but they didn't listen. "I said HOLD ON!!!" This made the team come to a dead stop just as they were about to exit outside. "The ghost meter's aren't reading a thing." She held the ghost detector up.
“Then how do you explain that thing hovering over us?” Chase raised an eyebrow in annoyance.
“Something has to be inside that sheet, and it has to be…” MK said before she took the stack of cards and chucked it at the stuffed sheet, making it drop to the ground.
MK approached the “ghost”, and her teammates gasped in horror as she grabbed hold of the sheet and threw it off, revealing the stuffing inside it and the bird escaped from the stuffing and flew away.
"Great Scott!" Scott declared while the bird flew past him. "It was just a hoodwink!"
Confessional: Chase
"If the Grips are trying to scare us so bad, then they must be doing a great job doing so," Chase told the confessional camera. "Putting a bird inside a sheet was genius."
Confessional Ends
The scene cut back outside, where the Grips turned away from the window they'd been watching from.
"Well, that didn't work," Brick sighed. "Sorry about your bird, Jasmine."
"It's no big deal. I'm not the bird's mother," Jasmine said.
“Does anybody else have any better ideas that don't involve stuffing animals into sheets?” Anne Maria asked impatiently.
“Leave that to me,” Brick spoke up.
"Don't you tend to get scared easily?" Jasmine wondered.
“Admittedly, I do, but I want to provide cooperation for this team,” Brick said. “And I will not take no for an answer.”
The team looked at each other for a brief while before giving in. “You are a Grip after all. What's our plan?” Jasmine asked.
Back in the craft services tent, the Gaffers had resumed their card game. "Give me all your two's!" Chase said.
The lights in the tent then shut off. "Uh, I'll give my two's later," Izzy said frightfully as she and the other Gaffers were shown looking around in confusion.
The scene moved outside, to where Brick was standing by a power box. He had already pulled the main switch down and took out a walkie talkie. "The power has been cut," he whispered into it.
As the Gaffers looked around their tent, the camera panned to Justin watching them just outside a window. "Nice work, Crew Cut," he whispered into a walkie talkie of his own. "Speed Writer, are you there?"
"At the ready, Dashing Devil," Millie replied from outside the tent.
"Remember, this is just Chris or the Killer Grips trying to scare us," MK warned her team.
“Yeah, you may be right,” Chase said optimistically. “This team doesn't give up.”
“Or die trying,” Scott added.
An odd, scratchy moaning began around them. The camera cut back to Millie, the author holding a megaphone and producing the moans.
Inside the tent, the viewpoint shifted to reveal Jasmine dressed in a security guard's uniform swaying in the air above them, her hat conveniently lowered over her eyes. She was obviously in a makeshift harness, and the camera followed the rope attached to her up to the rafters of the tent where Anne Maria was shown clinging to a beam with the other end of the line in one hand and a walkie talkie in the other.
"That's a go from Metal Hair and Long Legs," Anne Maria whispered.
The Gaffers all watched the supposed ghost sway about. “Now THAT is a ghost!” Ripper freaked out.
"I'm too hot to die!" Chase shouted before the team started to run off screaming.
"Are you serious?!" MK hissed. "The ghost meters are not going off!"
From his position, Justin threw a fork intending to aim for the detector, and just when the fork was about to hit its target, MK quickly saw the silverware hit the button on her detector, and despite it going off, the AV girl simply stood still and did not move.
“Yeah, nice try!” she laughed with a smirk after picking up the fork. "I know you're not a ghost, Jasmine!" MK pointed at the 'ghost'. “You can come back now, team!”
Jasmine lifted her hat and revealed her surprised face. "Abort now! We failed!" she said above her.
Up in the rafters, Anne Maria's eyes went wide as she began to pull up. At ground level, MK's teammates returned to the tent and watched in bewilderment as the 'ghost' began to ascend.
“How are you so good at not being scared?” Scott asked MK.
“To make it short, sweet, and to the point, I'm not a dummy,” MK said smugly.
An air horn was sounded off as Chris entered the tent with one in his possession. "The Screaming Gaffers win the challenge. And the Killer Grips are heading to the elimination ceremony!"
The Gaffers all cheered for their victory.
The scene cut to the communal bathroom where Brick was in the middle of washing his hands. After finishing, the cadet was about to step out until he saw Justin enter.
“Hey man. I want to talk to you,” Justin said.
“What could it be about, Justin?” Brick wondered.
“Earlier today, you were mumbling something while you were unconscious,” Justin mentioned. “You even sounded frightened like a bear was coming to kill you.”
“You still remember that?” Brick felt embarrassed.
“I do, but I feel like now is the perfect time to bring it up,” Justin continued. “You've been avoiding us lately and it's confusing us.”
“That is true,” Brick sighed, “but it's not…”
“Jasmine's really concerned about you,” Justin cut him off. “You and her have a bond going, Brick, and is hiding whatever you're doing worth ruining it?”
This caused Brick to fall silent for a bit as he reconsidered his actions before he opened his mouth. “I think I know what I have to do,” he said with a stern look on his face.
The footage faded straight into the opening sequence of the Gilded Chris Awards, followed by a flash to a long-distance shot of the amphitheater as the host approached his podium. The five losing teens were shown voting, with the trio of Millie, Justin, and Anne Maria in the upper row while Brick and Jasmine sat in front.
"And now, fraidy cat Grips," Chris said as the Gaffers were all standing on the stage alongside him, "it's time to announce who will not win a Gilded Chris this week. Who deserves to go home bitterly disappointed, tears in their eyes?"
“I hope someone takes a picture if that happens,” Ripper whispered to his team with a snicker.
“Watching the elimination ceremony is already our reward, but that would be sweeter,” Scott said.
Chef arrived in his usual dress with several golden awards. He bitterly took out an envelope, to which Chris quickly snatched up.
"And! The Gilded Chrises go to...," he announced as the Grips were seen sitting anxiously. "Anne Maria, Millie, Jasmine!" One by one, the three caught the awards that were tossed to them. "Still on the chopping block, Justin and Brick!" The camera panned from one boy to the other, the former looking calm and the latter feeling settled.
"Chris, I'll have to stop you there!" Brick stood up and walked onto the stage, much to everyone's confusion. "I volunteer for elimination. I do not deserve to stay. I did not follow my own code."
"Brick!" Chef yelled in frustration, but quickly chuckled nervously and walked over to the guilty boy. "Why don't you and I have a chat before you do anything stupid!" he whispered menacingly.
"I'm done listening to whatever you tell me to do!" Brick declared to the taken back man and then turned to the others. "Ever since the third challenge, me and Chef were in a secret and illegal alliance."
Everyone gasped at the dropped bombshell as Chef smiled nervously. "He's been attempting to build me up and coach me through the challenges just so we could split the money, and I do not want any part in this." As Brick spoke, Chris could be shown sending an outraged look at his assistant.
"Wait a minute!" Chase cried out. "All the food we've been eating. The pizza, the cheesecake, the sandwiches. That was you?"
"Why leave when you've been making our stay here better?" MK questioned with genuine sadness.
"Yeah!" Justin said in agreement while he and the Grips got on stage with the others. "Can't we just vote Chef off instead?" The model ignored the glare he was receiving from Chef.
"I'm sorry, but I have to make my conscience clean again," Brick responded. He then noticed Jasmine looking at the ground with disappointment. “Jasmine, are you feeling-”
“Like you said, it's best that you stay away from the film lot,” Jasmine said with an upset glare. “And more importantly from me. You lied to me, and a long distance apart is what's best right now.”
Brick hung his head in shame. “Understood!” he obeyed dejectedly.
The scene flashed to Brick stepping into the waiting limo with a sad wave. Chris walked up to it just as the door slammed shut and it drove off, leaving the host standing at the end of the red carpet with a vague smile on his face.
"Well folks," he told the camera. "Looks like everyone just lost their best chef and most moraled man. Now that they've survived this week's fright fest, they'll be forced to bear the most horrific, stomach-churning, gut-wrenching challenge ever! Chef's cooking!” The man laughed gleefully. “I love this game.”
(Roll the Credits)
(Bonus Clip)
“I know I did the right thing, and I don't regret admitting to my wrongdoings, but that doesn't mean that I can ignore the consequences,” Brick said inside the limo. “My fellow competitors will have to go back to eating Chef's less than quality food, and cooking is something I've taken passion in doing now, and my friendship with Jasmine is more or less strained.” He frowned sadly. “I never meant to hurt her at all. I could've told her the truth earlier on, and she still would've been disappointed, but at least she'd see that I was the noble man I told her I am. Now all that's left for me to do is hope that she wins the season.”
Eva - 14th
Geoff - 14th
Izzy - RETURNED
Trent - 12th
Sky - 11th
Brick - 10th
Killer Grips: Anne Maria, Jasmine, Justin, Millie
Screaming Gaffers: Chase, Izzy, MK, Ripper, Scott

At the end of the day,
I disrespected myself by disrespecting you.
I disrespected the image you have of me in your head. The impact I tried to give. The goal I tried to meet with you. I disrespected all of that each time I’d retaliate.
I Should have said aight bet, Block.
And kept my distance. Since the very beginning. Oh you talking to me about your ex ? Yea I know what that is , I’m good. Oh I’m crying in front of you and you don’t give a fuck? You need to heal , I deserve better. Oh youre trying to come to my place for closure even though I blocked you? I don’t owe you that. I’m hurt and I said I don’t wanna see you , and now I’m ever more hurt that you don’t respect that . Oh you’re starving yourself to “be with me?” That’s weird. Oh you’re texting me even though you’re blocked um weirdo. Oh you’re trying to hold me accountable for doing some shit that you did first — nice try. Block delete. Come correct. I really wanted it to work out but rip.
Block block block. Or just … Whatever . “Just be sad and stop talking to this guy. Just be sad .” It’s my fault fr. the ways that you would just constantly taunt me… I took it as : “you like me you’re just possessive” But the ways I taunted you , you took it as “you lying to me” We were both delusional But I’ll forever have regrets For not being above all that shit. For not honoring my feelings for you properly. For not respecting myself and the relationship enough. For confusing healthy detachment with disrespect and devaluing. for playing into your games. I just wanna redeem myself..
I wish I could do it with you.
But you left me to carry all the blame

The seven brothers of sin shifted uncomfortably behind me, their eager eyes watching me form a plan outside of a raging night club. The ruby lights flashed with the music, the boys looking rather uncomfortable in their designer black suits. Lowering a pair of sunglasses over my eyes, the club Blood Moon was getting a call. Flipping my dagger in between my fingers, my scarlet Jessica Rabbit dress had slits on both sides to allow me to move. Tucking my dagger into my cleavage, the boys had their weapons spinning in their palms. Sneaking in wasn't going to happen, the boys proving to be too eager to cause serious damage.
“We need to raid the tower to find Moonvanya. Your task is to fight off her bodyguards.” I commanded with a sad smile, all of them missing Croak as much as me. “I miss Croak as well but I have a feeling she will reincarnate as something close to us.” Lust cleared his throat, his hand running through his navy waves. What was this guy going to say? Nothing could make me feel better about my current situation.
“She will reincarnate as your first baby between Morte and you.” He spoke simply, smiling to himself. “She spoke as much to me a couple of weeks before she departed. I thought it was the sweetest thing that she wants you to be her mother.” Scarlet as bright as my dress painted my cheeks, my eyes refusing to meet his. The others attempted to comfort me, the words falling on deaf ears. My last mission taught me something and that help was always around me, Morte begging for me to begin to ask for it. That didn't mean that I had to listen to him all the time.
“Color me happy for the honor of raising her in the future.” I chirped cheerfully, their nerves easing a bit. “Time to destroy the party.” Plucking a bomb from my pocket, a devilish smile twisted across my face the moment I ripped out the top of my smoke bomb. Tossing it over my head, the miniature ball rolled into the club. Popping antidote pills into our mouth, the sleeping gas wouldn’t have an effect on us. Leaping over the bushes, a cloud of onyx smoke filled the entire building. Running in through the chaos, the stairs caught my eyes. Leaping over the chaos, the female representation of the seven sins blocked our path to the top. Raising their weapons, devilish grins illuminated their features. Weapons of all types whistled by my head, Lust shouting for me to go ahead. Watching the demons battle for me, guilt had hesitation holding me back. Motioning for me to go, my shimmering scarlet boots clicking up the stairs. Sounds echoed down the hall, I hid in the shadows. Two bodyguards twice my height and three times as muscular were seconds from coming down the flight of stairs I was on, the full moon masks obscuring their faces. Shadow snakes slithered down my arms, shadowy energy building round the heel of my boots. Hovering around the corner, the timing had to be perfect. Seconds from rounding the corner, my muscles groaned in protest the moment I lifted my foot over my head. Slamming my heel into the landing, pure energy shattered the stairs beneath them. Spinning on my toes with my other leg straight in the air, another ball of energy built around my boots. Swinging my feet towards their heads, the snaps of their necks breaking had nausea wracking my stomach. Hissing echoed in the air as my snakes devoured their bodies in seconds. Climbing what remained of the stairs, a low growl had the hairs standing on the back of my head. A scaled dragon creature charged at me, the monster belonging to Stormana. Assessing its energy, the monster smelled of her. Putting the pieces together, it was merely a piece of her. Digging at the concrete underneath, the inky black scales shimmered as it scurried towards me. Pushing off the concrete, the monster snarled the moment I landed on its head. Running along its long body, this would be an opportune time for me to figure out what damaged our newest enemy Stormy. Pushing off its swinging tail, my dagger expanded to its full form. Slamming the tip towards the scales, sparks flew back with me. Smashing into the wall, plaster rained down on me. The scales were impenetrable, my shadow snakes howling in pain. Clutching my side, their pain was mine. Silent tears danced down my cheeks, the monster tearing them to pieces. Struggling to my feet, my guardians needed me. Horror rounded my eyes at a ball of flames crackling to life in its mouth. Calling them back, they slithered back into my palm. My blade shrank down to a dagger, most of my powers fading while my snakes worked to heal themselves. Croak would bound in about now, my heart aching for her. Struggling to my feet, the fight wasn’t over. Cuts appeared on my skin, several organs bursting. Sinking to my knees, a flash of wild scarlet curls caught my eyes. Watching my blood pool around me, an invisible weapon had been used on me. The creature bounding towards me tripled, a groan oozing of agony pouring from my lips. Falling forward, the feeling of hot air lashing at my cheeks had me frantically feeling around for my emergency bomb. Rolling it to my trembling hand, a tear of the trigger had it ticking. Using the rest of my strength had it flying into its stomach. Bracing myself for impact, a slender but muscular arm scooped me up. Hel smiled down at me, her blade spinning in her palm. Covering me with her body, blood and guts rained down onto her crimson leather jacket. Checking me over for my wounds, a low growl rumbled in her throat. Don't die for me too, you freaking idiot.
“Let me take this one, my dear friend.” She pleaded while mixing a healing potion, pure rage burning in her eyes. “Drink this like a good friend.” Forcing the vial into my mouth, a thick liquid coated my throat on the way down. Crashing up the stairs, nothing came into focus. Neon green smoke curled around me, Eris slapping my cheeks to wake me up.
“Come on, girl. We need you.” She begged with neon tears in my eyes, her hand hovering over my heart. “Stormana is heading our way and we don’t stand a chance.” Helping me to my feet, our target’s head hit the tip of my boot. Praying for the gods to heal me to fight their enemy, a golden glittering ray encompassed me. Reversing any damage, a dark energy had swallowed the area. Extending my dagger to its full length, Eris and Hel protested as I climbed onto the nearest ledge. Turning back to face them, a quiet smile lingered on my lips. Jumping off, smoke scented air nipped at my cheeks. Landing on a tree branch, the wood groaned the moment I lowered myself onto the pavement. Kicking off my boots, an eerie female voice called for me. Sprinting towards the source, the branches clawed at my cheeks. Pushing through the pain, my team caught up to me. Remembering how Croak ended, the others paled at my words. No one was dying by her hands under my watch.
“Don’t follow me and help the victims get out of the building safely. The very thing is about to buckle.” I ordered tersely, Eris and Hel begging to come along. “I can’t have you guys come either. That is how Croak died. If I were to lose any of you, I don’t know how sane I would be after that.” Crunching back towards the screaming people, Stormy was my problem and mine alone. Continuing to dart in between the trees, the branches dug their fingers into my flesh once more. Catching sight of her, I hid behind a tree. Resting for a second, her dragon eyes scanned the surrounding trees. Couldn't she leave us alone!
“Back to play, my little rat.” She teased with a maniacal giggle, her Cheshire Cat grin growing wider. “No backup this time. Did I scar you?” Chills ran up my spine at the last statement, mixed emotions flashing in my eyes. The color drained from my cheeks, the image of her cutting down Croak paralyzing me. No enemy had scared me to this point, discreet weeps pouring from my lips. Croak, I needed Croak. Bowing my head in shame, Lust’s words had a smile curling on my lips. Yes, I could go home and bring her back into my life. Storm clouds rumbled to life, a heavy rain washing the blood off of my skin. Using the storm to cover my movements, my breath hitching with each step. Coming up behind her, sparks danced in the air the moment our blades met. Her golden flame sword glowed in the deepening darkness, determination showing in my defiant smile.
“Not today! You will never scare me!” I shouted through a wall of tears, raw fury doubling my powers. “Your head on my wall will be your payment for taking her away. Croak had no business dying that day, you fucking monster!” Swinging her blade towards me, frustration grew in her face at how easily I dodged it. Slamming the tip of my blade into the dirt, a blast of shadowy energy shot her into the dark clouds. Tracking where she would land, golden flames had me ducking behind a rock. Burying my head into my arms, flames torched the rock protecting me. Strength was on her side, my wit would have to make up the difference. Today wasn’t a battle to decide the winner but how she fought. Sure, the blows would sting but more information would be gathered. Poking my head up, Stormy was nowhere to be seen. Trusting my intuition, an annoyed great flowed from my lips at her popping up over me. Rolling out of the way, sparks fluttered with ash upon her claw’s contact with the rock. Jumping to my feet, her way wasn’t going to flourish under my retaliation. Summoning a few of my snakes, terror rounded my eyes at the golden flame dragon roaring behind her. Cocking her head to the left with a crazed grin, a bead of sweat dripped off of her brow. Scanning her for a vulnerable spot, her horns glittered at the right moment. Ordering my snakes to keep the dragon busy, bark groaned as I leapt onto the nearest branch. Jumping from branch to branch, the angle of my strike had to be deadly accurate. My shadow snakes twirled around the dragon, something preventing them from burning. Picking up on the change in my own scent, the slight scent of a cloud reminded me of how gods smelled. The opportunity presented itself, a kick off the branch giving enough speed to propel myself at her. Swinging my blade over my head, the sound of her horns snapping off had us both stunned. Hitting the dirt with her horns, dark blood poured down her face. Golden flames whisked her away, the surplus of energy had me too paralyzed to move. Reaching for her horns, my fingers curled around the smallest parts. Hugging them close to my chest, something had been gained from this pointless fight. Thousands of voices whispered in my ears, Hel scooping me up. Wishing that the chaos would die down, no such luck would be granted. Carrying me into the clouds, pride shimmered in her eyes. Not grasping what was going on, her slender hands set me down in front of the lead god in his flowing robes and golden mask. Resting on my haunches, the horns hit my lap. Scrambling to catch them, those darn things were my prize. Panic twisted my features at the sight of an empty chair, my anxious mind wondering what divine punishment was coming my way. Wasting no time, his big hand slid on a jet black snake mask over my face. Draping a matching cloak over me, nothing was getting pieced together in my mind. What the hell was he thinking!
“Goddess of Shadows, you may now rise.” He announced with pride, the others clapping out of necessity as he leaned in to whisper into my ears. “Rise and take your throne among the gods. Don’t worry, you can go home after.” Embarrassment colored my cheeks, my muscles were too weak to move. Not proud of the state of my body, the other gods didn't need to see this side of me.
“I can’t.” I returned in a quiet whisper, his eyes flitting about the room. “When you gave me that boost, I might have used it too fast and long. The willpower doesn’t exist anymore.” Averting my gaze to the clouds, his finger lifted up my chin. Tears dripped off of my chin, every cell in me wanting Croak to be alive.
“That chair is yours. Sacrifices are a part of a hero’s journey.” He continued soft enough for only me to hear, the years of service paying off in the worst way. “What if I told you that I made you a goddess myself?” Time slowed down, our eyes locking with the utmost respect passing between us. Struggling to my feet, Hel helped me over to my throne in a way that didn't show my current weakness. Darkening to a midnight black, the lead god took his throne. Hel stood behind me, true bliss relaxing her features. Glancing up at her, her hand cupped mine. Depising the abruptness of it all, my eyes scanned the room.
“We have a new goddess of the shadows and Hel is her first worshiper. Respect her as much as you respect me. Many years have been sacrificed on her behalf and a broken life.” He proclaimed while accepting a golden goblet overflowing with wine, jealous glares snapping in my direction. “Judging by your reactions, my decision is final. She is my second in command. Not one of you has been considerate or half as great as a leader she could be. Today she will go back home and do her damn job because she wants to, not has to. Those horns are from our enemy. Have any of you gotten close to harming Stormana? No, sit down and shut up!” Getting onto the tasks at hand, Hel plopped onto the armrest of my chair. Summoning a pad and pen, the tip never stopped moving. Drowning in the sea of hatred and bitterness, Hel’s fingers intertwined with mine. Leaning down close to my ear, her words did little to ease my decaying mental health.
"I pleaded with him to make you a goddess.” She whispered kindly in my ear, her other hand playing tucking a piece of hair behind my ears. “All you needed was one worshiper and here I am. Bask in what you earned.” Returning to taking notes, the horns glittering on my lap had my full attention. Drooling over cutting them open and testing the tissues had me wishing that this meeting was over. A bell rang, the others rising. Popping to my feet, Hel stabilized me long enough to prepare me for my descent. Embracing me from behind as I clung to the horns, our bodies sinking back down towards our home. Feeling well enough to walk on my own, a pang jolted my side. A fever burned on my cheeks, the thin layer of sweat glistening on my skin. Limping down to the basement, my blade shrank back down to its dagger form. Tucking it into the case, Morte looking up from his current monster didn’t slow my steps. Slamming her horns onto the next examination table, Morte cleared his throat as I began to set up my tools. Spinning on his heels, blood stains dotted his white lab coat. Cupping my mouth, the sight of it had me fighting the urge to toss up my lunch.
“A zombie looks better than you. Maybe you should get some r-” He commented with a mixture of playfulness and the usual concern. Wiping the sweat off of my brow, his palms slamming on my table snapped me back to reality. Blushing hard at how close his face was to mine, an impatient scowl dimmed his features. Sliding over a new pair of gloves while changing his own, one touch on both horns had them decaying into several thick circles. Hating that I didn't get to cut them myself, my brow twitched with obvious annoyance.
“Talk to me. Why do you smell so delectable? I can’t seem to resist you.” He demanded with an apologetic smile, my gloved fingers tracing the pieces of the horn. “Another thing bothers me, you smell like you are entering a h-” Covering his mouth, the task at hand needed to be dealt with. Too feeble to speak for a second, the room began to spin. Time, time wasn’t on my hands.
“Don’t worry about it. I am a goddess, a legit goddess.” I choked out through gritted teeth, another jolt announcing my heat. “Get back to w-” Cupping my cheek, his lips smashed into mine desperately. Sinking into the moment, my heart rate matched his. Releasing me from his spell, the stool hissed the moment I crashed onto the hard top. Lowering my hand to the table, a strange paleness came over my skin.
“Nice. That makes you more impressive in my eyes. What you need to confirm is what state of your goddamn heat you are in. If I am going to make a potion to repress it, a few more facts are required.” He complimented me lovingly, the room spinning again. “I can wait for all of eternity.” Shaking my head, the repression wouldn’t be necessary.
“Let’s go through with it.” I wept with a sad smile, wanting to feel the warmth of bearing a child. “Croak wants to come back and I can’t deny a friend.” Taking a second to register to what I said, his genuine smile had life flickering in his eyes. Pressing his palms together, uncontrollable sobs wracked his body. Judging by Stormy’s reaction, her horns would need to grow back before we battled again. Demons with horns were as strong as the size of their horns, my little victory buying me time to figure out what destroyed my enemy.
“You can’t be serious with that request.” He spoke in disbelief, his ears flicking about. “My dreams are about to come true!” Dancing over to me, he spun me around. Spinning me underneath him, his lips kissed mine tenderly. Swinging me back up to my feet, his hands rested on my shoulders. There's the Morte I loved back then, everything about him oozing life.
“Calm down and get your work done. I will tell you when I am ready.” I chuckled lightly, placing the biggest pieces into an evidence bag. Returning to his monster with a fresh pair of gloves, my shaking fingers picked up the scraping tool. Digging at the center of the horn, my fingers traced the rings in her horn. Counting the rings, these horns were thousands of years old. Hel popped up behind me, her cheery hello sending me ten feet into the air. Catching me before I hit the floor, her gloved hand laid down several evidence bags. Plopping down next to me, her pensive expression had my tired smile falling.
“Several more gods defected today.” She informed me while rubbing her palms together, shame dimming my eyes. “Don’t be so glum. They are nothing for us to destroy. People like us don’t get second chances but look at you. Second in command is impressive. Hell, he hasn’t had one for years. Are you going to quench your cycle or are you going to ignore it?” Flashing her a sad smile, my shaking fingers dropped the pieces into the bags.
“Not this time. Morte and I lost everything that night. Croak wants to come back. She is entrusting me with her happy ending.” I answered simply, her face brightening at my reply. “Why so happy? Part of me is giving in to my dreams. Do you want to learn how to catalog items?” Nodding her head vigorously, the way she focused on my lesson had me happy to be like her sister. Finishing up the last item, Hel popped to her feet. Beginning to bow in my direction, my palm caught her forehead. Can people quit acting like they need to bow!
“We are friends not a master and a servant.” I teased blithely, remembering how the twins kept trying to bow. “I suppose I can count on you to be my bodyguard.” Remaining in the awkward position, her arms dangled limply. Mumbling a series of gracious thank yous, she buried me into a bear hug. Basking in her warmth, both of us had something to live for. How long has it been since I felt this jovial? The flames of hope burned in my heart, Hel helping me to see a way out.

I guess I've sort of found the place to tell people my story without potentially getting shit on for it. I know most people here are focused on 2D relationships, but mine is different because she is a sitcom character. When I was 14 during the pandemic, I started watching Parks and Recreation. Over the course of the month I watched it, I grew increasingly attracted to Aubrey Plaza's character on that show (April Ludgate-Dwyer). It was a weird but enchanting time in my life. I was having dreams that we were having tons of crazy impossible adventures in parking lots and such. Then one day, I was taking a very long nap and I had a dream where she just randomly kissed me to get me to shut up. When I woke up, I had a whole reaction to it and it felt like everything in the world had changed. From there, she was always on my mind and I posted about her on a fan account pretty much every day. Early on, I used to talk to fellow fans of the actress and they encouraged my attraction to the point where they said that I was perfect for April! Mind you, I was only 14 when I heard this and I hadn't had any romantic experience, so I just kept giving in. Then someone suggested that I hold a fake wedding between us and I agreed. So, I planned a wedding for about a month and I wrote some very beautiful poems and speeches. I had friends actually attend this fake wedding and they absolutely were so down for it. It was great and I actually impressed some people. After that, things became dark. Over time, I began to yearn for something real, and whenever I got very alone, I turned to April Ludgate. Then I would remember that she wasn't real and I would proceed to rather large panic attacks at night. These would last from about 10 minutes to 4 entire hours. It was absolute hell to say the least. I felt like I had gone too deep to the point where I WAS THE APRIL GUY to people now. I was totally obsessed with this character from a sitcom that had ended when I was still a kid and it felt weird. So as a result, I decided to try and stop a bunch of times. I got rid of my fan account and I made sure not to bring her up as much. However no matter what I did, I already had so deep of a connection to the character that in times of loneliness, she was still the one I thought about. I barely have friends irl and I just felt very alone and sad. So pretending to have someone who matches the ideal of what I would want in a girl was very appealing to younger me. Today, I still have love for the character, but I find that I've gotten less insane about it. Now it's more of an emotional thing where I now get my heart broken irl and I turn to her as a shoulder to cry on. I don't think this will ever end, but I hope that my love for her will transfer over to the person I end up with.
TL;DR: I have had a strong crush on April Ludgate for years now. The effects have been strong and I hope this is a good place to tell my story.

last time i when to a MAXI store i saw some BBQ ribs on sale. they were inside a little box that wasnt glued shut so by curiosity i opened one to check inside. to my awful surprise it was COVERED IN GREEN MOLD!! by chance there was a section manager or something a couple of paces behind me so i basically walked to her, presented the rotten meat and say :"are you selling this?" with a calm low voice... she RIPPED the package from my hand and told me "THANK YOU" in an extremely agressive tone while walking away.
whats up with employees?
and yes that was before the boycott, and sadly no i havent got a picture of the green meat as i escaped from the area after the encounter.

Please could you help me identify this. My mother before she died from cancer when I was a child, nearly 20 years ago now, wrote me a letter and included at the end this poem/excerpt? I haven’t been able to find anything online through searching the words so I was wondering if she wrote it herself, as there are some grammatical mistakes, or if it is from somewhere like a book or?
This is the message/poem (incl.all errors):
A mothers promise
There will be times when you are scared, lonely, and sad and when I will not be There to hold you. I will not be able to pat you back to sleep, to wipe away your tears, to sing you a song, and to give you little kisses to make you smile again. There will be times when you may fall and hurt yourself and I cannot kiss away You're wound and make it all better. There will be times when someone may say something that hurts you, and I am not they're to tell you that their judgments reflect their own insecurities. And there will be moments when I will not be able to sense your needs just by looking at you or hearing the tone of your cry. But know that you will never be alone and that I will always be there for you. When you need me and I am physically not there, put your attention on your heart, and you will feel my presence. You will remember then. You will feel the warmth of my embrace, you will hear the song of my voice, and you will know that I love you. We are bonded now forever, and never again will we find ourselves truly alone.
Please help me if you can :)