My mother is 65. A year ago she called me crying because she felt her boss was squeezing her out of a roll she's been in almost 10 years (maybe more).She lived across the country near my sister and the grand kids. She has no savings (not sure why but she's a heavy smoker and gambler - $20 scratch offs, casino slots, etc. this is her dopamine).
My sister wouldn't help out (tried asking HOA to do a shed in the back to make a MIL suite and they said no, that was the extent of the offer to help - she's the better off sibling out of the 2 of us, I'm homeless at the moment).
She left the job, packed her stuff into a storage unit alone and I moved her out here with me (flew her and transported her car) We live in a friends polebarn with my boyfriend that I retrofitted with 2 climate controlled rooms, a kitchen and a bathroom all of which I built myself so that I could get back on my feet and out of debt (i'm in my 30's, I want to get ahead of this).
When she got here she said she needed glasses, driving was hard and she couldn't see, so I took off work, drove her to the next town over and got her glasses (to which the dr said she has some slight degeneration and one of the top reasons for this degeneration is smoking with secondary reasons as diet --- mom stuck to diet and told everyone she can't eat xyz despite the real reason).
She was supposed to get a job when she got here but everything she saw was "beneath her" or "paid too little".
She had a few grand in savings and burned through it within a year, then went on SS, which she gets 1500/month. Her storage unit payments are coming up again, 250 a month and she is freaking out about not having enough money.
Mind you, I meal prep a month at a time and provide healthy meals in a variety of flavors for the household. This month is: 2 types of thighs, baked, with rice and 2 different types of veggies. Kalbasa with rice and veggies Pork Loin with veggies and rice
She gets sick of "the same thing" so I tried to make a variety that changes monthly. I have severe adhd (and I believe my mom does too despite flipping out if it's mentioned) and I know I get sick of repeat things, though i've learned to deal with it, so I get it.
The problem is, she's laying around on the couch in her room all day, every day. This isn't an exaggeration. She walks out to smoke maybe once an hour, and to use the bathroom and to heat up food (she eats maybe once or twice a day, but snacks in-between ---chocolate, chips, ice cream -- i dont buy these).
She's getting sores on her back she won't get looked at ("I don't know what medicare covers" but she has the book sitting on the table, just hasn't read it), just puts A&D ointment on them. She gets rashes between the belly fat layers (she's not morbidly obese, but has a belly).
She maybe showers once a week, if that, and can go weeks without washing her hair.
And living with me sucks for her, I'm sure. I was raised to live in a neat and tidy household... So When I get home from working all day, I don't want to wash her dishes, clean coffee stains off the counters, pickup trash here and there, clean the massive sheds of hair in the bathroom, etc. When someone uses the last of something (tissues, toilet paper, etc), I expect them to let me know so I can buy them.
After a year, asking for these simple things to be followed (keeping what little we have neat and clean) isn't a friendly ask. I'm working on that for myself and It's hard. I'm not a social person, I need ME/alone time, my own space, and things to be clean otherwise i'm a bigger ball of anxiety, so I can be downright mean, passive aggressive, etc when I'm overwhelmed and feel cornered. I've grown accustomed to living with just my boyfriend for almost 20 years and sharing the smallest space I've ever had with someone who taught me to keep a home clean, and having her do the complete opposite in my home is driving me nuts.
But I love my mom. I try to take her to lunch but I have so much pent up resentment over my life being flipped on end, I can't have a normal conversation with her. I have to withdraw in order to not say something mean.
So I can imagine part of why she's depressed is my fault. She probably misses the grand kids She misses living in a normal living condition She misses having her own space She misses having money to spend and even if she won't admit it, she misses having a job... Because people like her (or me) need to have a job/purpose/etc or we fall into a depression that is hard to crawl out of.
I told her I would pay for a counselor and she said she will never, ever go to a therapist or counselor (she brought us as kids, i don't see why). I pleaded with her and she kept saying if i make the appointment, she just won't go. Then I tried "you live under my roof, you live by my rules"---that's what I was always told -- that backfired. All she said was "yeah, I know, you've made that clear" (referencing me wanting to pick up after herself and wash her own dishes)
I don't know what to do for her. I don't know how to help her and I'm worried about her.
Her misery is making me feel terrible as well. She's not elderly, it's too soon for all of this.
HELP

Anal fissures, small tears in the lining of the anus, can cause significant pain and discomfort. For those suffering from this condition in Indore, understanding the causes, recognizing the symptoms, and exploring initial treatment options is crucial. With access to top-notch proctologists, patients can find effective relief and regain their quality of life.
Causes of Anal Fissures
Anal fissures can result from various factors, most commonly associated with trauma to the anal canal during bowel movements. Chronic constipation and passing hard stools can stretch and tear the delicate skin. Conversely, severe diarrhea can also lead to fissures due to frequent irritation. Other contributing factors include anal sex, childbirth, and underlying medical conditions such as Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis.
Symptoms
The hallmark symptom of an anal fissure is sharp pain during bowel movements, often described as a cutting or tearing sensation. This pain can be severe and may persist for several hours after defecation. Additionally, patients might notice bright red blood on toilet paper or stool, itching or irritation around the anus, and a visible crack in the skin around the anus.
Initial Treatments for Anal Fissures
For those seeking fissure treatment in Indore, several initial treatments can alleviate symptoms and promote healing. The first line of defense often involves dietary and lifestyle modifications. Increasing fiber intake through fruits, vegetables, and whole grains can soften stools, making them easier to pass. Drinking plenty of water and engaging in regular exercise can also aid in maintaining regular bowel movements.
Topical treatments are commonly recommended by proctologists. These may include anesthetic creams to numb the area and reduce pain, as well as medicated ointments that help relax the anal sphincter, promoting healing. Warm sitz baths can provide immediate relief by soothing the affected area and increasing blood flow to promote healing.
In some cases, if initial treatments are not effective, a proctologist may suggest further interventions. These can include prescription medications, Botox injections to relax the anal muscles, or minimally invasive procedures to repair the fissure.
For those suffering from persistent or severe anal fissures, consulting a skilled piles treatment in Indore ,is essential. These specialists can provide a comprehensive evaluation, personalized treatment plan, and ongoing support to ensure optimal recovery. Indore is home to some of the best proctologists who are well-versed in the latest techniques and treatments for anal fissures.

EDIT: this post isn't about gallstones. its about what do you do when the dr just says you have POTS, no other issues. any other symptom they just say yeah its POTS.
So after your long journey of ER trips, every heart test you can think of, the Dr DX'd you with POTS but can't tell you where it came from(just a timeline) and says you have no underlying issue. Gives you a beta blocker or the right meds to make it "managable." You're happy with the results of the meds but even managable still fucking sucks.
What do you do with doctors appointments after that? Like whats the point?
I've been having really bad GERD for the last few months now its where I drink water, eat one bite of food, etc I burp. Move around burp. My neurologist first thinks its side effect of Propranolol because that relaxes your stomach muscles and esophagus which makes digestion even worse for POTS people.
I read a lot of people on propranolol with the same issue but propranolol has CHANGED my life with POTS too so now we try weight the pros and cons.
I said F it and went to a gastro doctor. Doing an endoscopy next week. Thinks it could be gallstones(cause my liver enymes AST/ALT are 175, all hep tests negative) or hiatal hernia. Just wants to check out the stomach and all that crap.
So what if he comes back with yeah everything looks good, ingestion is from POTS/beta blocker and you live with it. Ok another doctor where nothing else to do.

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The journey to conception can be a deeply personal and sometimes challenging one. While medical interventions certainly have their place, many couples are also turning to holistic approaches like yoga to support their fertility goals. Yoga offers a comprehensive method that addresses both the physical and emotional aspects of fertility, providing a supportive framework for those seeking to enhance their chances of conception. In this article, we explore how yoga can be a valuable tool in the fertility journey and offer a comprehensive guide to getting started.
Understanding Yoga’s Role in Fertility: Yoga, an ancient practice originating from India, is renowned for its ability to harmonize the mind, body, and spirit. When it comes to fertility, yoga to conceive fast offers a multifaceted approach that addresses various factors influencing reproductive health. Stress, hormonal imbalances, and poor circulation are just a few examples of issues that can impact fertility. Yoga practices, including asanas (postures), pranayama (breathwork), meditation, and relaxation techniques, work synergistically to create a fertile environment within the body.
Physical Benefits of Yoga for Fertility:

1. Stress Reduction: Chronic stress can disrupt hormonal balance and menstrual cycles, negatively impacting fertility. Yoga’s emphasis on relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and meditation, can help reduce stress levels and promote emotional well-being.
2. Improved Circulation: Certain yoga postures, particularly those that target the pelvic region, can enhance blood flow to the reproductive organs. Improved circulation nourishes the ovaries and uterus, optimizing their function.
3. Hormonal Balance: Yoga practices help regulate the endocrine system, which governs hormone production. By balancing hormonal levels, yoga can address underlying issues that may affect fertility.
4. Pelvic Floor Health: Strengthening the pelvic floor muscles through yoga exercises can improve pelvic stability, support reproductive organs, and enhance sexual function.
5. Enhanced Mind-Body Connection: Yoga cultivates a deeper awareness of the body and its signals, allowing individuals to better understand and respond to their fertility needs.

Getting Started with Yoga for Fertility:

1. Consultation with a Healthcare Provider: Before beginning any new exercise regimen, especially if you’re actively trying to conceive or undergoing fertility treatments, it’s essential to consult with a healthcare provider. They can provide personalized guidance based on your specific health needs.
2. Choose a Fertility-Focused Yoga Program: Look for yoga classes or programs specifically tailored to fertility enhancement. These programs often incorporate poses, breathwork, and meditation techniques designed to support reproductive health.
3. Practice Regularly: Consistency is key when it comes to yoga practice. Aim to incorporate yoga into your daily routine, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. Set aside dedicated time for your practice, preferably during times when you’re feeling relaxed and focused.
4. Focus on Stress Reduction: Incorporate stress-reducing techniques like deep breathing, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation into your yoga practice. These techniques help activate the body’s relaxation response, counteracting the negative effects of stress on fertility.
5. Embrace Gentle Movement: While some yoga for pregnancy planning poses are more vigorous, it’s generally recommended to focus on gentle, restorative practices when trying to conceive. Avoid strenuous poses that may overexert the body or increase stress levels.
6. Listen to Your Body: Pay attention to how your body responds to each yoga practice. If a pose feels uncomfortable or causes pain, modify it or skip it altogether. Honor your body’s needs and limitations.
7. Cultivate a Positive Mindset: Incorporate affirmations or positive visualizations into your yoga practice to foster a mindset of abundance and receptivity towards conception.

Conclusion: Yoga offers a holistic approach to fertility enhancement, addressing both the physical and emotional aspects of reproductive health. By incorporating yoga into your fertility journey, you can reduce stress, regulate hormones, improve circulation, and enhance your overall well-being. Remember that fertility is a deeply personal journey, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Listen to your body, trust your intuition, and embrace the supportive benefits that fertility yoga classes has to offer on your path to conception.

“Greetings to you all, I am very glad you are here in these trying times”, beckoned the Caliph. The heads of the 6 desert tribes met ahead of the first meeting of the Council in the newly constructed great halls. Arab amishbots were surprisingly very efficient still.
Ummawy was to choose the first Prime Minister of the nation, a tough job indeed. Each tribe was vying for influence, lobbying for its place in the Council. Before the meeting, Ummawy had spent countless nights going through intelligence reports by the military intelligence, sorting out potential candidates.
“I see you, Sheikh Rizvi, sixth-descendant of Saad Al Kathbani and welcome you to our Council”. Sheikh was a 56-year-old man with strong cultural ties to his tribe, the Kathbanis. He was a proud man and too quick to anger, neither qualities desirable in a Prime Minister.
The Kathbanis had been a warrior clan once and now held a lot of influence in the council due to their business connections. It would be best to remain on the right side and keep them happy.
“I see you, Nadir Ibn Ilyas Ibn Saad, son of Banu Al Oea”. Nadir was a wealthy commodity trader before the war. He was known in his community as Sadiq and Ameen, titles that made him trustworthy to businesses and companies. The Caliphate’s investments in Libya brought increased trade activity to the country and Nadir was one of the few beneficiaries.
As the resource crisis took its toll on the world, Nadir made Swiss contacts that allowed him to bet on the future of minerals and commodities. He made $10 million on Cobalt futures alone when the Caliphate opened its trade to Alfheim. He was a good man, an ideal choice.
“I see you, Zohain Ibn Waqar, son of Banu Al Jibal”. Zohain was a former commander in the Army, serving twice in the Brother Wars until he was honourably discharged due to personal injury. He had lost his eye and leg due to a UASR grenade and had gotten genetic augmentations.
“I see you, Ibn Khadri, son of Banu Al Jem, custodians of the Qaṣr al-Jamm”. Ibn Khadri’s family owned the Amphitheatre in the town of Al Jem under the Jem Foundation. Since then, it has remained untouched and preserved even after countless Brother Wars and endless bombings. However, one stray missile from a UNSC aircraft managed to strike into the heart of the theatre to flush out any rebels.
“I see you, Pisces, son of Banu Al-Qadariyyin”. He was an Evangelical Christian, born and raised in New York until the conquest by Alfheim. He fled the war here to Tunis (his ancestral home), only to be treated with another series of wars and an eventual wasteland. Some people are just very unlucky.
“I see you too, Mubashir, son of Banu Al-Mustasharin and welcome you to the Council”. As the greetings finally finished, the Caliph climbed the steps, facing the new Governors of the region. They had pledged their allegiance to him but for how long? There was already uproar in Palestine over the withdrawal of forces to Tunis and the trend would seem to continue. The Eastern Caliphate had already rejected Islam and would soon fall the Imperialists' path. It would be up to the West to survive for the religion to survive.
And so the Caliph would start his speech.

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CLEARED FOR ARCHIVAL PURPOSES ONLY

My friends, today we have gathered here ahead of the first meeting of the Council. As we speak, grave dangers threaten to rip us all apart. Hordes of monsters roam inside our borders, neighbours look towards our land with devilish eyes, and our young nation deals with the financial ramifications of the disintegration of the Middle East.
This was somewhat predicted. “When the people go towards bidʿah, darkness shall follow”. This is seen in the Eastern Caliphate today as our brothers consume pork and alcohol as well as reject Islam for a more relaxed version. This heretic doctrine shall not consume Badiyah for as long as I am alive.
From now, we commit to the rebuilding of our country. Gone are the days of the Brother Wars and fighting for our very survival. Gone are the days when the Heretics threaten the very fabric of our society. From today, we commit to a society free of sin, free of heretics, free of the people who choose to destroy it. As the proverbial Phoenix rises, we shall rebuild from the ashes. No one will be able to threaten us again. There are no brothers anymore, only dealing with heretics and imperialists.
As such, today I choose the Prime Minister of the country. He will lead you all, a trustworthy servant of the Khilafat and you will put your trust in him. Every one of you is equal in the eyes of the Council and my decision is purely administrative. Hence, Nadir, son of Oea, will lead the rebuilding effort.
I will be taking a religious retreat now. Nadir will be leading you all in my absence. The age of darkness will be tough times for all of us but we shall prevail. We are the flag-bearers of Khorasan. We are the last frontier between the heretics and the holy.

Badiyah Today

New Prime Minister of Badiyah chosen

"Son of Oea crowned Prime Minister as Khalifa Ummawy announces religious retreat for a few days", writes Aliyah Adnan.
Local News Opinions Tech Business E-magazine
Posted on Mar 20th 2073

When it comes to building a functional and stylish wardrobe, having the right women innerwear is just as important as your outerwear choices. The right innerwear not only provides comfort and support but also enhances the fit and appearance of your clothes. Here’s a comprehensive guide to the essential women innerwear pieces every woman needs.

1. Everyday Bras

The T-Shirt Bra
A T-shirt bra is a must-have for every woman. This versatile bra is designed to provide a smooth, seamless look under fitted tops and T-shirts. It usually comes with lightly padded cups that offer excellent support and shape without adding bulk.
Why You Need It: The T-shirt bra is perfect for daily wear, ensuring that you feel comfortable and confident no matter what you’re wearing.
The Wireless Bra
For those who prioritize comfort, a wireless bra is an essential piece. These bras provide gentle support without the discomfort of underwires, making them perfect for lounging around the house or running errands.
Why You Need It: Wireless bras are ideal for days when you want to feel relaxed and unrestricted.

2. Special Occasion Bras

The Strapless Bra
A strapless bra is essential for outfits that require a bare shoulder or have intricate necklines. Look for a strapless bra with silicone grips and supportive underwire to ensure it stays in place all day.
Why You Need It: This bra is perfect for off-shoulder tops, tube dresses, and any outfit that exposes your shoulders.
The Push-Up Bra
When you need a little extra lift and shape, a push-up bra is the way to go. This bra enhances your cleavage and adds a flattering boost to your figure, making it perfect for special occasions or when you want to feel extra confident.
Why You Need It: Push-up bras are ideal for low-cut tops and dresses, giving you a stunning silhouette.

3. Essential Panties

The Everyday Brief
Comfortable and reliable, the everyday brief is a staple in any woman’s innerwear collection. These panties offer full coverage and are made from breathable fabrics like cotton, making them perfect for daily wear.
Why You Need It: Everyday briefs provide all-day comfort and can be worn under any outfit.
The Seamless Panty
Seamless panties are designed to eliminate visible panty lines, making them perfect for wearing under tight-fitting clothes. These panties are typically made from stretchy, soft materials that feel like a second skin.
Why You Need It: Seamless panties are essential for achieving a smooth, polished look under body-hugging outfits.
The Thong
Thongs are perfect for outfits that require discreet undergarments. They offer minimal coverage, which helps to avoid any panty lines and gives a smooth appearance under tight skirts and pants.
Why You Need It: Thongs are ideal for avoiding visible panty lines in form-fitting clothing.

4. Shapewear

The Shaping Bodysuit
A shaping bodysuit is a versatile piece of innerwear that smooths and sculpts your body, providing a seamless silhouette under dresses and fitted outfits. These bodysuits often come with built-in bras and are designed to target specific areas like the tummy, waist, and thighs.
Why You Need It: Shaping bodysuits are perfect for special occasions when you want to look and feel your best.
High-Waisted Shaping Shorts
High-waisted shaping shorts are designed to smooth out the tummy, hips, and thighs, providing a streamlined look under skirts, dresses, and pants. They are made from stretchy, supportive fabrics that move with your body.
Why You Need It: These shorts are great for enhancing your figure and providing extra confidence in tight-fitting outfits.

5. Sleepwear

The Comfortable Pajama Set
A comfortable pajama set is a must-have for restful nights. Look for sets made from soft, breathable fabrics like cotton or modal that keep you cool and comfortable throughout the night.
Why You Need It: A good pajama set ensures a comfortable and restful sleep, which is essential for your overall well-being.
The Nightgown
For a touch of elegance and comfort, a nightgown is a great addition to your sleepwear collection. Choose a style that suits your preference, whether it’s a simple cotton nightgown or a more luxurious silk option.
Why You Need It: Nightgowns are perfect for hot summer nights and provide a feminine, comfortable alternative to pajama sets.

6. Sportswear

The Sports Bra
An essential piece for any active woman, a sports bra provides the necessary support during workouts and physical activities. Look for a sports bra that offers the right level of support for your activity, whether it’s low-impact yoga or high-impact running.
Why You Need It: A good sports bra prevents discomfort and injury during exercise, ensuring you can perform at your best.
The Compression Leggings
Compression leggings offer support and comfort during workouts, helping to reduce muscle fatigue and improve performance. These leggings are made from stretchy, moisture-wicking fabrics that keep you dry and comfortable.
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Conclusion: Zilon’s Innerwear Collection
At Zilon, we understand the importance of having a reliable and stylish women innerwear collection. Our range of essential innerwear pieces is designed to provide the perfect balance of comfort, support, and style. From everyday bras and panties to special occasion shapewear and sleepwear, Zilon has everything you need to build a functional and fashionable innerwear wardrobe.
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After Years of struggling in dating I finally realized I have disorganized attachment ⚡️⚡️ I dated someone recently who was really kind and steady and it gave me a chance to really witness what was coming up for me. I wrote this (long) poem mostly as my own exploration, but I wanted to share it here. Maybe some of you can relate!
Reasons You Should Date Someone Else
I sit down to make make a PowerPoint of reasons you shouldn’t be with me. To set the mood the title side has a few unflattering photos and a casual headline like: “What’s Wrong With Me” "Why This Is A Bad Idea" or “Reasons You Should Date Someone Else”
On the first slide I’d write DISORGANIZED ATTACHMENT in a bold font and surround it by a looping circle graphic. Words appear and fade in a dizzying pattern. Fight Flight Freeze Fawn "Fine" Fictitious Feigned Foreign Fantasy
What do I need from you? Easy. Whatever you are not giving me.
The photo of my mother in the background of the next slide is an apparition behind a hazy word cloud. sharp unimpressed guarded vicious unpredictable entitled selfish petty disdainful mean I pause the presentation and pull out a photo of myself. Every year my face looks more like hers. My head shakes with resignation. I can’t help any of it.
Next slide.
Romantic History. The following frames are formatted alike with a circular photo of one of my exes in the upper left hand corner and several lists below. Column A is bad behaviors of theirs that I ignored or tolerated. They wanted me to accept their flaws and I would not.
Column B is the things that annoyed them about me, like how I asked for what I wanted and that implied they weren't already doing everything perfectly which threatened their ego and I should have been more considerate and just pretended I was excessively satisfied.
Column C is bullet points of the things they did that annoyed me. You know those things people do where they just, like, exist? Tsk tsk. The atrocities I have endured.
The audio behind these slides is me gasping for breath as I remember what it felt like to be shackled by love & my commitment to these men who quickly became a quicksand of disappointment, a burden I crumbled under instead of carrying.
Do you hear that? (I start quietly crying...)
Is that really what you want for me?
I thought we were friends.
Next I include a list of the awful things I said to them that I felt they deserved. I'll let you use your imagination... Think of something truly terrible. What I said was worse. Not just what, but the way I said it. It’s hard to explain. Here, let me show you.
This section concludes with the things that have already begun to annoy me about you. The list is unflattering and really says more about me than about you, so I spare you the details and just feature a tally counter which has gone up three clicks in the time you have been sitting here, a fact I now suppose you wouldn't have known if I didn't just tell you.
Sorry about that.
Next slide.
I find a photo of a crystal ball and map our future out around the perimeter.
At one o'clock we are drawn in Disney. My smile is impossibly wide. My eyes are a seductive squint, yours are plate-sized pin wheels, totally entranced. The animated trees sway around us. A whale leaps in the background. The cheerful clouds thunder applause on this joyful union and it rains in rainbows.
At two o'clock we are magnetic cake toppers, me in a poodle skirt and you in a powder blue suit. I lean towards you as you lean away and when you lean in I lean back. And if we touch in the middle isn’t it exciting? Repel and attract. Attract and repel. Couldn't you play this game for hours and hours and weeks and years?
At three o'clock we hold hands and stare ahead 59 years, imagining the park bench that cradles our aging bodies just as you have mine all these years. It is a nice story because love triumphed and love was all we needed and love was better than ice cream and love meant our lonely days were over and life was like a song.
At four an X marks “you are here” and shows a live stream of you sitting here viewing this presentation. Really. You turn and scan the room for the camera. You are confused by your staring role and sense a turn of tone. The dread that rises from your gut tastes like bile. You are starting to understand that I’m not, in fact, selling you a timeshare. I'm leaving you.
Well, trying to, anyway. You can thank me later.
If we push on past five (don’t worry, I won’t let us) the cards flip one by one.
Six Could you teach me to loosen up? I’m more uptight than ever.
Seven Can you show me how to be free in my body? I sit with arms crossed glaring at you from the corner of every room.
Eight Can you help me be messy? I chase you with the dust buster I make you shower before getting into bed, wash your hands before touching me I recoil from your beard with a mask of disgust I refuse to get in your car, tip of my nose lifted A waterfall of disapproval beats down on you from my mother's narrowed blue eyes.
Nine Everyone you tell me you’ve been with is kindling under the log cabin of our fantasies. We are adults. Why should your history hurt me? I proudly rode in on brilliant white mount, mane and tail flowing, now I lead yellowed nag to a back pasture with a fraying rope. That's my way of saying you have been irreparably sullied in my eyes. Good luck looking in the mirror now.
Ten Occasionally I call you names as we fight like fire. These are the best of times.
Eleven I make comments so underhanded that you spin, fists up, unsure where the punch that just landed came from as I raise my hands, pleading innocence, smirking privately as you lick your own wounds.
Twelve Most often my body slightly stiffens beside you. Subtly as a light breeze I drift away, never to fully return. Soon there is little more left of me than the puppet strings you help pull. My head is flopped to the side, square jaw occasionally cracking the nuts of my scripted lines.
Aren't we happy together? Are you happy now?
You, precious, delicate you. (You poor, unfortunate soul)
At this point in the presentation I stop myself from reaching forward to cover your eyes, to shelter you from the dark tentacled thing that rises from the corner and quickly fills the screen, drawn by the scent of the the tiny sea scum that I reduced you to, sideways glance after pointed comment.
Run, you fool. (You were warned)
Does everyone have such a sea beast lurking in the depths of their heart? Mine relishes this release. The water dripping from the corner of the screen onto the keyboard widens the crack and breaks into a steady flow. The floor floods as the circuits cackle their death rattle.
You are shocked.
Now that the dam of your illusions has fallen I can breathe again.
Fully animate and larger than life, I slither through the frame of the computer. With my tentacles now unfurled I can easily crash down the walls around us. There’s a happy gleam in my eye. A slimy, suctioned muscle wraps around you and tightens. My mantle arches in ecstasy. Your feet kick jubilantly. This time for sure you were wanted by me.
Radula exposed, I feed freely on you. Sex was always a cheap substitute for this. I cradle your head as your body convulses, your wide eyes taking all of it in. You taste like freedom. Not a drop of blood touches the ground as I gorge.
"Do you see me?" I probe at your glassy eyes. "Do you love me now?" I ask your corpse.
I tremble with exultant aliveness.
Next slide.
Back in my human form, I clear my throat twice and daintily wipe my face, feeling for chunks of flesh. As discreetly as possible I check my teeth for stray sinews, straighten my glasses, adjust my collar, and smooth my skirt. My Mary Janes squish out water as I shift my weight.
Ahem, I continue to an audience of no one.
"Thank You For Coming To My Presentation" the side would have read if the computer was not shattered.
When the stage lights dim I can see the biohazard team taping tarps on the walls. The perimeter is already fenced. Crestfallen, I voluntarily retreat into my cave to meditate for another eon. That's just long enough to believe it could be different next time, long enough to forget the beast that always gets the best of me.

Okay…so I just want to see if there’s anyone else out there who has felt/dealt with some of the strange symptoms I have had in dealing with these for the last 6 years.
• These migraines seem to be like clock work and hit hard exactly four days after I finish my period.
• They are primarily on the left side of my head and start from the base of my skull… I had one doctor think it was occipital neuralgia given where the pain was radiating from.
• I also get really bad pain and pressure in my left carotid artery (LCCA) in my neck. Horrible pulsating pain and just aches.
Here’s the thing— when I get these each month they always last 3-4 days and completely break me. I’ve tried all kind of medicines, triptans, muscle relaxants… nothing works. I don’t get auras. But every once in a while I will get these half way through my cycle. I’ve deduced that they are hormone related…I think.
—- The reason I’m posting is because for the last two months I have felt like it hasn’t really gone away. It’s not as severe as around my period but I feel it’s underlying there all the time now… that left side pain and pressure in neck/head.
I’m just curious if anyone has ever experienced something like this… it rules my life :(

I was in a car accident on January 29th of this year, in which I was rear ended by an elderly woman going about 40mph. My car was totaled, and I suffered a concussion and 2 bulging discs in my neck. The other party's insurance accepted complete liability, and compensated me for my car, and paid all associated medical bills. I spent 78 days "treating" before hitting max expected recovery.
The first month was absolutely awful, with the worst of it setting in a few days after the accident. I was unable to support the weight of my own head and was pretty much confined to staying in bed. For about a week I existed in a state of constant motion sickness and it was one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life. I finally got better after a course of steroids and pain killers/muscle relaxers. I rested, saw a specialist, and toward the start of April, I felt I was pretty much back to normal. There are some things that cause my neck to occasionally flare up, so I have to be more conscious of my posture and certain activities now, but that's just how it is going to be. In a clinical sense, I do not have any long term injuries, and since I'm in my mid-20s, I've been assured that I'll heal up just fine over time, but it will be a potential weak spot in the future.
I am on Medicaid, and my health insurance company negotiated down my various bills, including a CT, X-ray, and MRI. All in all, there is only about $850 in medical bills. The other party's insurance will be reimbursing Medicaid for that amount. I spoke with the medical adjuster today, and they offered me $4k for pain and suffering. I told him I would think about it, and he replied, "Well we have some wiggle room, so let me know what you have in mind."
I have no frame of reference for this scenario. Is $4k reasonable for the injuries I suffered? In hindsight, it was a very frustrating 2 months. I work with my hands, and I'm an avid outdooadventurer type. My wife and I bought a house and got married last October, and I had to stop all home renovations. I couldn't garden, take my dog on hikes, ride my bike, go golfing, etc. What would a reasonable counter offer be if $4k is low? The state minimum in KS is $25k for bodily injury, and since they only have to pay less than $1k in medical bills, there's quite a bit of room on the coverage. Initially, I was going to ask for $6k, but everyone I've spoken to has told me that is much too low, and I need to try to get at least $10k, if not $15k. Personally, I'd be nervous asking for that much since it is so much higher than their initial offer. They have also been incredibly accommodating throughout this entire process, so I don't want to seem like a greedy jerk.

22 minutes of Armenia coverage by Transcaucasian Telegraph. Follow for regular updates. (long headlines and magnificent thumbnails are back with popular demand)

transparency and anti-corruption reforms: NGOs' oversight over public procurement to become easier

Last week Pashinyan cabinet greenlighted an amendment to the public procurement process to allow journalists and NGOs to more easily observe the execution of the procurement process. Details in May 23 news.
FINANCE MINISTRY: The law was amended 2 years ago to grant this ability but not many NGOs and journalists have been using it because the process was cumbersome and required them to submit information, receive authorization, and contact the finance ministry. This reform will allow NGOs to submit paperwork and register with the ministry only once.
NGO INFORMED CITIZENS: This change allows us, without a warning, to go and observe the construction project in progress. If the construction is financed with public funds, with the exception of secret objects (e.g. army), it's possible for us to visit the site and even verify the width of the metal being used to ensure it meets the standards. In reality, this goes beyond improving transparency because it will serve as a preventative measure to discourage dishonest conduct by companies. //
FINANCE MINISTRY: We do not always have the capacity to properly oversee every construction project in its entirety, especially the large ones. Often the state's main role in these contracts is to be an intermediary between the construction company and the public. With this reform, we are allowing the public to join the supervision process. We expect this change to expose many problems and there is no culture of hiding the problems; the government regularly discusses them at the highest levels. //
NGO INFORMED CITIZENS: For example, students' parents can register an NGO and audit the quality of food served to their children in school.
REPORTER: Could this change discourage the participation of companies in public tenders?
NGO INFORMED CITIZENS: It won't discourage honest companies.
FINANCE MINISTRY: If a company is nervous about the increased public oversight, that means they have serious problems. This is a positive change for honest companies. Imagine you hire a construction worker to remodel your home and he doesn't want you to see what he is doing in your home. Would you trust that worker? The journalists and NGOs can get involved in an oversight process with up to 10 members each.
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the share of sole-source contracts has decreased during public procurement processes: government

REPORTER: The procurement volumes and the competition are both on the rise. Last year the state agencies (without counting state companies) signed contracts worth ֏307B. That's +11B vs 2022 and +66B vs 2021.
OFFICIAL: Of that ֏307B, ֏123B was spent on healthcare services and other natural monopolies where there is only one option. If we deduct those, we signed contracts worth ֏184B.
֏11B were signed under the condition of absence of competition and ֏11B under emergency.
As of May 1, the share of sole-source purchases:
2023: 12%
2024: 6%
National Center of Public Policy Research: If we count the state companies as well, the volume of contracts reaches ֏439B. Most of the Infrastructure Ministry contracts were competitive. The same cannot be said about the Healthcare Ministry and Interior Ministry; a significant share of those were non-competitive.
BUSINESSMAN (medical field): I'd say up to 90% of the time it's highly competitive and there are tens of companies competing. But then the hospital next to it, which uses almost the same products, announces a similar tender and only 2 are bidding. This is because there are loopholes that allow them to legally write the characteristics of the product in a way to allow only a specific company to win the bid.
OFFICIAL: Of the 125,000 submissions, only 109 were challenged. That is a very low number. Moreover, as for the complaints that the product description is sometimes intentionally meant to prevent the participation of other companies, we know this to be true, and we plan to address this with the ongoing legal reforms and the introduction of a new electronic procurement platform. The new platform will have standardized characteristics and the complaint that sometimes the characteristics are discriminatory will be addressed by the requirement for submitters to use a sample characteristic. The system will be automated and it will become impossible to deviate from the standards.
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Armenia's Public Services Regulatory Commission chief urges utility operators to trade at least part of their shares in local stock exchange

CHIEF: We held discussions with the Justice Ministry. The only issue in this case is related to Gazprom Armenia. It is necessary to understand whether this proposal would contradict the 2013 Armenian-Russian agreement on natural gas supplies, as it was ratified by both parliaments and is equal to a law by its status. //
The Armenian government has been subsidizing companies since 2023 for listing their shares on the local stock exchange to create an opportunity for them to raise financing from banks, shares and bonds.
PASHINYAN (February): We should apply favorable regimes for public companies that trade their shares on stock markets. The tax regimes will be less favorable for companies that do not go public. [The context was transparency and oversight in utility companies and telecom operators.]
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northern floods have dealt damage to Armenia's mining industry

MINISTER: Most of the mining concentrates are exported via rail, and if the consequences of the natural disaster are not remedied quickly, the mining industry will have massive problems. This is why we spare no effort to restore traffic ASAP with the partners from the South Caucasus Railway. //
Teghut's copper-molybdenum mine and combine have suspended their operations because the pumping station is damaged by the flood and so is the road leading to the site. Efforts are underway to fix both problems, said the company.
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drone video shows construction crews using soil and rocks to link two sections of the M6 highway that were split in multiple locations during the floods

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compilation of cleanup and restoration activities in northern Armenia: VIDEO

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disaster zone and Holy Struggle: Sunday's weekly review by H1's Petros Ghazaryan and Tigran Hakobyan

GHAZARYAN: I spent the last two days in the disaster zone. The situation is truly serious there, and we - in Yerevan - do not adequately see the seriousness of the damage. The first floors of the buildings in the Alaverdi region do not exist anymore. I don't see how they could become livable anymore, in addition to the seismic issue of entire buildings. [2.5 kilometers of] the railway has collapsed - one of the main forms of cargo transportation in Armenia. Almost all the bridges in the region have collapsed. Small businesses are hit hard.
HAKOBYAN: ... the orchards and household items.
GHAZARYAN: A 70-year-old man showed me water and said that's where his orchard once was; his retirement is gone. I think the damages are worth a few hundred million dollars. Parts of the M6 highway were simply washed away. From Dlijan to the border with Georgia in Bagratashen. When they say 1959 was the last time we experienced this, in reality, the water levels were high but there was no damage like this.
HAKOBYAN: Climate change is a contributing factor.
GHAZARYAN: We've seen floods in Russia lately but they aren't mountainous, their rivers gradually increase and engulf everything before gradually receding. In the case of mountainous rivers, they bring a massive flow at once and destroy everything before receding just as fast. What I liked in the disaster zone was the attitude of residents; they weren't disheartened, they were determined to rebuild. I visited many locations and in many of them, there was already a process of creating the inventory of lost items to receive compensation from the state. From refrigerators and TVs to pianos and furniture. The same about businesses.
But we have a parallel reality in Armenia - the Holy Struggle.
HAKOBYAN: We had a disastrous earthquake in 1988 during the early stages of the Karabakh [reunification] Movement. On the following day, the Karabakh Movement Committee declared the suspension of its activities against the government and urged its followers and everyone to support the restoration of the disaster zone. The same happened during the 4-day and 44-day wars when all political parties set aside their differences to address the most pressing issues.
This Holy Struggle is an exception. They don't speak about the disaster zone and haven't provided support. Bagrat Galstanyan mentioned once that he met Gagik Tsarukyan to ask him to support the disaster zone, but I think Tsarukyan would have done that even without having a tea party with Galstanyan.
I feel Spanish shame for the conduct of our journalists. When I worked as a young journalist in 1988, I spent a month in the disaster zone to cover the situation. Today, none of our so-called "patriotic media" has a presence in the disaster zone. We have TV channels where 100%, not even 99% but 100%, of the videos are propaganda coverage of the Holy Struggle.
Russians have an excellent saying that whatever you name your movement, that's what it turns into. The idea of holy struggle has historically been used by Christians and Muslims to fight against external enemies. I can't think of any other instances of a holy war being waged within Armenia against the segment of your own population that disagrees with you and your values. They similarly call this a National Liberation Movement, which again implies that a segment of the Armenian population is enemies because historically that term has been used against foreign adversaries. And what do you normally do to your enemy? You destroy them. The culmination of this rhetoric was the clash between Galstanyan and police in front of the foreign ministry building on Friday. This is headed to bloodshed and the state must do everything possible to prevent it.
GHAZARYAN: This movement is being aided 24/7 by media outlets created by Kocharyan and Serj. They don't go to the disaster zone or elsewhere, they are tasked with the holy mission of covering the holy struggle all day long.
HAKOBYAN: It's a PR campaign.
GHAZARYAN: Yes. They create beautiful montage clips of Galstanyan and his words, with music. They are serving Galstanyan as his media outlets. Are Kocharyan and Serj using their massive media apparatus, this pyramid of falsifications, for that purpose without an underlying reason?
Second. The Russian Sputnik media agency, whose official policy is to promote the interests of the Russian state, is engaged in a similar PR campaign for Galstanyan.
Russia's Channel One (ORT) does not sing without the approval of the Kremlin. They present a 20,000 rally as 100,000. Russian political experts describe this movement as their only hope and announce that if it fails, they will have no choice but to find a common language with Pashinyan and accept him. Some Russian figures complain about sending large sums to Armenian opposition forces who have failed to create a functioning movement.
The movement leaders don't talk a lot about foreign policy but they have announced a need to "restore" relations with Russia. What does "restoring" mean? It sounds benign but in order to restore the relations,
(1) Armenia must agree to allow Russian forces to stand on a Zangezur Corridor for Azerbaijan. That's what Russia demands.
(2) Armenia must kick out the EU border observers and replace them with Belarusian, Russian, or CIS observers. The same Belarus that congratulated Aliyev for capturing Karabakh with their joint efforts. Bring the Belarusian forces to Armenia.
(3) Cancel Armenia's weapons and army reform contracts with France.
(4) Do not diversify Armenia's economy. Do not implement the April 5 agreements and the massive aid from the US and EU.
(5) The institute of democratic elections is finally functioning in Armenia, so there is a need to "appoint" a governor of Armenian Gubernia to restore relations with Russia.
HAKOBYAN: Galstanyan doesn't understand anything about foreign policy and introduces a very dangerous thesis because of that. For example, he criticized the Armenian government for not responding to Aliyev's claims about Khojalu "genocide". In reality, the Armenian government has adopted the correct approach of denying the claims and dismissing and not aiding the false agenda pushed by the Aliyev regime. The case of Khojalu was closed but Galstanyan wants to revive it.
During the protests, Galstanyan also disclosed his skills for dealing with Armenia's centuries-old enemies. Aliyev, խելոք մնա behave. He thinks he can swing his finger at Azerbaijan and resolve Armenia's issues.
GHAZARYAN: He is tapping into the basic emotions of the Armenian population.
HAKOBYAN: But people need to understand that there can always be a government worse than a bad one. Everyone who has died since 1999 is a victim of a war that could have been avoided in 1997-98. The number of deaths must not increase because of the actions of one person. Galstanyan is prepared to sacrifice thousands of Armenians with his arrogancy.
GHAZARYAN: But there is a limit beyond which holding a rational discussion is impossible. When a person implies that the Lori-Tavush floods could have been casued by the government to disrupt the protests, it's impossible to hold a rational conversation, it's shameful.
HAKOBYAN: When they told him that several police officers were wounded during the Friday clashes, he suggested that the officers might have harmed themselves. The Friday incidnet was a watershed moment for me. This person is a danger to Armenia's statehood.
GHAZARYAN: He organized rallies without a result. He announced an impeachment against Pashinyan, which doesn't appear to have worked out since Ishkhan Zakaryan hasn't joined. He announced mass strikes and road closures across Armenia, but nothing worked out. Now, in order to prevent the protest from dying down, they have to cause provocations. He went in front of the foreign ministry and announced that he had received information that Turkey plans to send elite forces to Armenia to arrest him; he needed to discuss that with FM Mirzoyan. Unless you are totally blinded by your hatred towards Pahsinyan, you understand how absurd that is. //
Galstanyan described Petros Ghazaryan as a scoundrel "who has served every administration."
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Children's Day was celebrated in Armenia on June 1, not without drama 🍿

On May 31, protest co-leader Bagrat Galstanyan announced plans to hold a protest rally in Gyumri. On June 1, a concert in Gyumri dedicated to children was rescheduled and held an hour sooner, presumably before Galstanyan's caravan of cars reached the concert area. Galstanyan, who claimed they were visiting the concert "just to enjoy it", criticized the deputy education minister for rescheduling it, calling him "illiterate" and threatening his fate: "Հալտ կերևա։"
The deputy minister said the concert was held an hour sooner because of "scorching sunlight" and that children were already suffering from the heat because of hourslong rehearsal and preparatory work, and that rain was predicated 30 minutes into the original concert schedule. The deputy minister criticized Galstanyan for "politicizing" the children's event and for allegedly not allowing the church-affiliated group to perform.
DEPUTY MINISTER: We offered 3 groups to perform at 1 pm instead of 2 pm and they agreed. We made the same offer to the Tavush group [affiliated with the Church] as well. They connected me with their producer, who categorically rejected it. I met the producer and asked again but received a rejection the second time; they said they were waiting for a delegation from Yerevan. Since The children from Tavush were scheduled to give a short performance at the beginning of the show, they were unfortunately excluded from the concert. //
Despite Galstanyan's announcement that they didn't intend to politicize or disrupt the Gyumri concert, the church-affiliated musical group was reportedly seen chanting Galstanyan's protest slogans after his arrival.
The protest organizers held their rally in Gyumri as planned. Co-organizer ARF MP Garnik Danielyan urged the followers "not to back down" and "to go until the end".
GARNIK: Նահանջի տեղ չունենք, բոլորով գնալու ենք մինչև վերջ, մեր Շարժումը նոր հաջողություններ է գրանցում: // video
Police officers were seen distributing ice cream to children on June 1. Children read the audio announcements in the Yerevan subway. Mayor Avinyan read stories for children in English Park. A concert was organized in Yerevan.
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the final jihad is near, my friends

Bagrat Galstanyan will hold the next massive rally in Republic Square on June 9. The previous ones attracted 130,000 and 100,000 people, according to Galstanyan and Russian media outlets.
On Sunday evening, while listing the actions for Monday, Galstanyan said they would march towards the investigative committee building and demand answers about the detention of protesters, and if they don't receive the answers, Galstanyan said "we will be free to act."
The detained protesters were released without charges on Monday after being held for 72 hours after the Friday clashes with police in front of the foreign ministry building.
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Pashinyan administration will treat the Armenian Apostolic Church as a political party because of its politicization, says Pashinyan's Chief of Staff

HARUTYUNYAN: In 2018, PM Pashinyan offered to hold discussions between the Church and the Government to improve the Church's transparency in the areas of customs and contributions. Unfortunately, this dialogue did not take place because of the Church leadership. I won't rule out that it could become a topic of discussion again but today, when the Church leadership takes control of political processes, the ruling party and the government have to use political tools to engage with that organization [Church], and the response to Church is the same as to any other political group or political party engaged in a political process.
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court verdict: Serj-era deputy police chief Levon Yeranosyan is found guilty and sentenced to 4 years for misusing flashbang grenades against Pashinyan-led protesters in 2018

Yeranosyan's use of Zarya grenades caused injuries among 60 protesters and police officers, including now Parliament President Alen Simonyan and ruling QP MP Armen Mkrtchyan.
Yeranosyan won't have to serve the prison term because he qualifies for Pashinyan's mass amnesty. This is because the judge sentenced him under charges that entail 4 years and not the 8 years that the prosecutors sought. Prosecutors will appeal to get a stricter verdict.
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Prime Minister held a meeting with Archbishop: VIDEO

Սպաասի, սպաասի․ Ըհն․ Հընն․
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Pashinyan and his wife dined at a restaurant in Sevan: PHOTO

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Pashinyan rode a bicycle on the streets over the weekened, greeting passersby and promoting the "eco-friendly method of transportation": VIDEO

The PM said he was surprised to see a traffic jam consisting of bicycles during his recent trip to Copenhagen. "It was inspiring and beautiful," he said while praising the popularity of cycling in other countries.
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amateur cycling tournament was held in Yerevan on World Bicycle Day: VIDEO

Hundreds of cyclists, including public officials and diplomats, took part in the event organized by Yerevan Municipality and the Embassy of Turkmenistan in Armenia.
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proposed bipartisan amendments to US National Defense Authorization Act seek closer US-Armenia security cooperation, end to US assistance to Azerbaijan, investigation of Azerbaijan's energy ties to Russia and Iran

1) Repeals waiver authority that allows the U.S. to send military assistance and other forms of aid to Azerbaijan while the Azeri government continues to target, abuse, and displace Armenians.
2) Calling on Azerbaijan to immediately return all Armenian Prisoners of War and captured civilians.
3) Directing the Defense Department to develop a strategy to strengthen U.S.-Armenia security cooperation and deter further Azerbaijani aggression against Armenia.
4) Commissioning a report on the energy partnership Azerbaijan has had with Russian and Iranian companies under international sanctions.
5) Prohibiting any new export licenses for offensive security equipment for Azerbaijan.
6) Requiring the Government Accountability Office to review and confirm Department of Defense and Department of State contingency plans for the repositioning of sensitive U.S. data and weapons systems that are in Turkey, including nuclear weapons and information related to the F-35 program.
These amendments will be considered by the Rules Committee as early as the week of June 10th.
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ex-PM Aram Sargsyan says the West is cautious and urged Armenia not to rush with the exit from Russia-led organizations

REPORTER: Russia has been critical of the Tavush delimitation process. In the past, they claimed the maps were in Moscow and they were ready to provide advisory assistance to parties.
SARGSYAN: Russia maintains its influence around the world by keeping the conflicts active and selling weapons to parties. The West, on the other hand, wants peace and open borders so there can be trade and investments; the West benefits from investments and raises its influence by promoting democracy.
REPORTER: Yerevan is talking about CSTO's "treason" at the highest levels today, and how at least 2 of the CSTO members took part in the preparatory phase of the 2020 war [to help Azerbaijan]. Have you ever advised Pashinyan to withdraw from CSTO?
SARGSYAN: I have, starting in November 2020, after the end of the war. The CSTO has been a topic during every meeting. Pashinyan always presented various arguments, sometimes objective ones, on why not to exit it, but here is the thing: Armenia has partners [West] that provide help during difficult times. These partners' [West's] conduct regarding the withdrawal from CSTO and EAEU, in terms of timeframes... they see it necessary in the long-term plan. During certain phases, there were cautious approaches, to be cautious and not provoke Russia. The thing is, no matter how much they [West] say don't do it [don't provoke Russia by withdrawing too early], you must be the one to do it; I think it will be welcomed [by the West]. Those who have always helped you, to say "no" to them must have serious justification, so Armenia must consult with Western partners regarding regional developments and bilateral processes, which is what's being done today, and if there is a need to say "no" for certain things, it must be strongly substantiated. I think Armenia must say "no" [to the West's cautious approach] and leave the CSTO. I'm confident that the U.S. and Macron won't get upset from that; that will be our own decision. I believe the risks are greater if Armenia remains part of CSTO and EAEU.
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Armenian officials visited the Ukrainian city of Bucha where the Russian army committed a massacre of civilians and POWs in 2022

Armenia's Ambassador Vladimir Karapetyan and the leader of Yerevan's Nor Nork district Tigran Ter-Margaryan visited Bucha.
DISTRICT CHIEF: We are proud of the courage of the Ukrainian people defending their freedom and independence on the battlefield. //
According to the Ukrainian press, the head of Nor Nork District said they will always support Bucha and other communities affected by Russian aggression.
The Armenian delegation donated medication to local medical centers as an act of solidarity.
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Chambers of Commerce of Armenia and Ukraine discussed the strengthening of business ties

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Yerevan Mayor Avinyan has invited Kyiv mayor Vitali Klitschko to visit the Armenian capital

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Iran's Red Crescent sent several trucks with humanitarian aid to northern Armenia affected by floods

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Australian lawmakers unanimously slam Azerbaijan, call for pro-Armenian measures

[source,](Australian lawmakers unanimously slam Azerbaijan, call for pro-Armenian measures)

what is the connection between the Lemkin Institute and ARF?

The Lemkin Institute recently made comments regarding the internal political processes in Armenia and observes have noticed similarities with ARF's language and agenda. The Lemkin Institute apparently did not see a need to respond to Pashinyan's April 24 statement, and only several weeks later, after the ARF-ed anti-Pashinyan protests began, the Institute released a statement accusing Pashinyan of "victim blaming" in his April 24 statement, a charge dismissed by the ruling party MPs as politically-motivated.
Armenian-American political analyst Nerses Kopalyan credited Lemkin Institute for the genocide-related work but accused it of political bias and being influenced by ARF to meddle in Armenia's internal affairs. The Lemkin Institute's director's husband is reportedly an ARF figure.
more in the video,

U.S. Envoy Louis Bono visited Azerbaijan to discuss the AM-AZ peace process and US-AZ relations

Bono said the recent delimitation processes inspire hope and that the US is ready to support the negotiation process.
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Turkish officials call for Azerbaijan-Armenia peace treaty; Russia decries West's efforts to be a "mediator" and to increase its influence in Central Asia

MOD of TURKEY: Türkiye supports the genuine efforts of Azerbaijan and Armenia in the peace process. A comprehensive peace treaty between Azerbaijan and Armenia is essential for achieving lasting peace and security in the South Caucasus. President Erdogan has highlighted the importance of seizing this historic opportunity for peace. I also welcome the recent statements by Prime Minister Pashinyan, who has shown the realistic approach needed for the future of Armenia and its people.
MOD of RUSSIA: Armenia and Azerbaijan are proposed to sign a peace treaty exclusively on Western platforms, and "mediator" services are imposed on them. NATO seeks to strengthen its positions in the Caucasus, to have access to the resources of the Caspian Sea, and direct access to Central Asia.
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Armenian authorities, EU, and NGOs teamed up to inform the public on how to avoid harming Lake Sevan: VIDEO

The education component for farmers, students, and residents of nearby communities is part of efforts to prevent the dumping of harmful materials into the lake.
The working groups traveled to various communities near the shores to meet the locals and investigate the reasons behind the pollution of River Gavaraget.
Additional nature protection materials will be introduced for 3rd, 8th, and 10th grade students in the province.
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music composer for Armenian television shows was found dead in Lake Sevan

The father of composer Anahit Mnatsakanyan called the police to report that his 24 y/o daughter visited a Sevan resort the previous night and that they hadn't been able to get in touch with her the following day. Her mother said the trip was a gift from them on her 25th birthday which was coming up on June 15.
The Water Patrol, divers, and VOMA sent multiple teams equipped with high-tech to locate her. The lifeless body was discovered 70 meters from the shore. An autopsy is underway.
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first truck arrives from Shanghai to Yerevan as part of Crossroads of Peace route: VIDEO

The cargo was loaded into a truck in China's Shanghai, transferred into another truck in Kazakhstan, and driven through Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, and Iran, undergoing all necessary customs procedures.
TRANSPORT COMPANY (Gold Way): There were some issues that we managed to resolve quickly, so it took the cargo around 20 days to travel from Shanghai to Yerevan.
DRIVER: My name is Kayrat. I'm from Kazakhstan. I drove the cargo from China to Armenia. This is my first trip to Armenia. The road was of course very long. There were good and bad roads. Armenian roads travel through very high hills. It took me 20 days to reach Armenia.
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Mayor Tigran Avinyan discussed sex trafficking during the Monday session

Yerevan Zoo's Bunka the elephant needs to have sex so the city has been discussing various options to organize his dating life.
On Monday a city official reported that animal rights activists have suggested flying Bunka to Cambodia for some action, or enlarging the enclosure and bringing a female to Yerevan. The city has settled for the second option.
The enlargement process began last year but not a single company submitted a bid. The second procurement attempt will launch next week and there appears to be an interested party. The city hopes to launch the construction this year.
Mayor Avinyan instructed city officials to keep the topic of Bunka the elephant at the center of attention.
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other Yerevan news

• Air quality sensors will feed data to Yerevan's new GIS system, allowing residents to check the PM2.5 levels in various districts.
• 500 disability ramps will be built this year. The standards were updated to make them comfortable.
• 9 special elevators will be installed in public places for persons with disabilities. This includes underground passages.
• 1,700 cameras will be installed in kindergartens to detect and prevent abuse.
• The Municipality will soon discuss a possible ban on musicians who perform on the street in Republic Square, Northern Avenue, and Opera areas. Reasons: residents of condo buildings and businesses complain about disturbed peace and "damage to tourism".
source, source, video,

40,500 people became citizens of Armenia in 2022-2023

source,

the Government and the ruling party discussed a strategy to improve demographic numbers

RULING MP: What is being done to improve the demographics, increase the population, reduce the boy-to-girl birth ratio, or maybe even invite and assimilate foreigners to address the gap with the help of immigration?
LABOR & SOCIAL MINISTER: We've been developing a demographics strategy for the last 2 years. It was disrupted twice: in 2022 because of the Ukraine war, and in 2023 because of the flow of forcibly displaced people from Nagorno-Karabakh. We took a short break to analyze the new data and create various models.
The strategy was developed after comprehensive discussions. As an adviser, we chose the Wittgenstein Centre in Vienna, one of the best in the world. At least 2 of the 5 best international experts in this field participated in the process of developing this strategy. The Charles University of Prague ran the models.
During one of the discussions, 3 directions were presented for the improvement of demographics. The birth rates will continue to decline globally in developed and developing countries. These days the term "strategy of demography" is being replaced with "population strategy" because the issue isn't just with birth rate.
So there were 3 directions for growth:
(1) The states must use their potential to encourage people to decide to have more children. This can happen by balancing the population, and through various methods, decided by each country.
(2) Migration. This is inevitable in any country and it must be controlled. We need to understand what types of migrants we want and how to integrate them as Armenian citizens.
(3) The population is aging in rich and poor countries. Armenia must have programs for active aging so people can continue to create value as they age, to maintain their role in the economy. For example, we recently amended the labor code to remove a barrier for senior workers.
But we added another factor during those discussions:
(4) Early mortality. We added this to ensure our strategy is as comprehensive as possible.
We have meticulously discussed and prepared 170 different programs that will be adopted by August.
For example, since today's topic is migration, one of the issues is the language barrier. We've studied the European practice. If they expect to organize the reception of the migrant workforce from a specific country, they have a language institution in that country. This can be done with Cervantes Institution, Goethe Institut, etc. Future migrants study the language and culture of those countries. That program is also on the agenda.
Another topic is the gender disbalance at birth. The 2022 ratio was better than the 2023, in part because in 2021-2022 there was a widespread public awareness campaign. We should return to that practice.
The comprehensive Demographics Strategy will require one more session before it's submitted for approval. We recently discussed the financial component during a Government meeting, which will approve it by July.
continue,

1,100 families are building new houses in communities near the borders as part of a state subsidy program

The government's ֏16 million subsidy program is meant to discourage emigration from border villages. Families are able to upsize their living space and expand their families.
video, source,

Nikol Pashinyan chairs consultations on Academic City master plan

The German architects presented the changes implemented in the master plan based on the observations and recommendations of the previous discussion and noted that the final conceptual master plan will be presented in the near future.
video, source,

army's special forces units held exercises in the presence of army leadership, High-Tech Minister, and Defense Minister: VIDEO

The video shows the use of a domestic suicide drone to destroy a dummy tank. Several military industry companies presented their products that are already in use in the army.
Which forces took part? Special forces, artillery and mortar, anti-tank, aviation, air defense, drone and radio-electronic warfare. They played various scenarios for defense and counter-attack.
video,

In the pursuit of a balanced and healthy lifestyle, nutrition plays a pivotal role. While a well-rounded diet rich in fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains forms the foundation of optimal health, certain supplements can complement dietary intake and support overall wellness. Here's a guide to some of the top supplements to consider incorporating into your daily routine for a balanced life.
Multivitamins: A high-quality multivitamin serves as a convenient way to fill potential nutrient gaps in your diet. These supplements typically contain essential vitamins and minerals such as vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin D, vitamin E, vitamin K, B vitamins, calcium, magnesium, zinc, and iron. Multivitamins support various bodily functions, including immune health, energy production, bone strength, and antioxidant defense. NatureMade Multi **
Omega-3 Fatty Acids: Omega-3 fatty acids, particularly EPA (eicosapentaenoic acid) and DHA (docosahexaenoic acid), are essential fats found in fatty fish like salmon, mackerel, and sardines. However, many people do not consume enough omega-3s through diet alone. Omega-3 supplements offer anti-inflammatory benefits, support cardiovascular health, promote brain function, and may even alleviate symptoms of depression and anxiety. High Potency Omega 3 **
Probiotics: The gut microbiome plays a crucial role in digestive health, immune function, and overall well-being. Probiotics are beneficial bacteria that help maintain a healthy balance of gut flora. These supplements can improve digestion, alleviate symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), support immune function, and even enhance mood and mental clarity. Look for probiotic supplements containing diverse strains of bacteria and a high colony-forming unit (CFU) count. Physician’s Choice Probiotics **
Vitamin D: Often referred to as the "sunshine vitamin," vitamin D is synthesized by the body in response to sunlight exposure. However, many people have inadequate vitamin D levels, especially during the winter months or in regions with limited sunlight. Vitamin D plays a crucial role in bone health, immune function, mood regulation, and may reduce the risk of chronic diseases such as heart disease and certain cancers. Supplementing with vitamin D can help maintain optimal levels year-round. Metagenics High Potency Vitamin D **
Magnesium: Magnesium is an essential mineral involved in over 300 biochemical reactions in the body, including energy metabolism, muscle function, and nerve transmission. Despite its importance, many individuals do not consume enough magnesium through diet alone. Supplementing with magnesium can support relaxation, alleviate muscle cramps and spasms, improve sleep quality, and promote cardiovascular health. High Absorption Magnesium **
Turmeric/Curcumin: Turmeric is a vibrant yellow spice renowned for its anti-inflammatory and antioxidant properties, primarily attributed to its active compound, curcumin. Supplementing with turmeric or curcumin can help reduce inflammation, alleviate joint pain, support cognitive function, and protect against chronic diseases such as Alzheimer's and cancer. Nature’s Nutrition Turmeric **
While supplements can complement a healthy lifestyle, it's essential to remember that they are not a substitute for a balanced diet and regular exercise. Before starting any new supplement regimen, consult with a healthcare professional, especially if you have underlying health conditions or are taking medications. Additionally, opt for supplements from reputable brands that undergo rigorous quality testing and adhere to Good Manufacturing Practices (GMP) to ensure purity and potency.
By incorporating these top supplements into your daily routine, you can support your body's natural processes, enhance overall wellness, and strive towards a more balanced and vibrant life.
**Products sold on Amazon

Chapter 3 of Third Love story (see posting of "Metropolitan Meet-Up" for Chapter 1 and "First Visit" for Chapter 2).
Chaz was on his second pint when Morena arrived at the empty down bar that night, in walking distance of their first meeting less than a week before. Their relationship had continued to be conducted entirely through texts, and the occasional selfie. Chaz had been concerned about Morena’s marriage, and felt unsure if they should proceed after their first experience with intimacy the other day.
Morena was also concerned about their prospects, as Chaz seemed not to accept her assurances that her marriage was over, and that there were no secrets, that is, there were no feelings to hurt. She was frustrated, and felt that it was likely that their meeting at this underground establishment would be the last time they would see each other. This is not what fate had intended.
She was just as gorgeous as Chaz remembered, and he barely noticed her sexy outfit as she entered the room because he could not stop looking at her face. She was wearing a diaphanous red blouse that hung loosely from her graceful form, with tight jeans and black heels, her braided hair framing her cheek bones – a look that most mortals could not sustain. And she smelled amazing, even edible, with hints of sweet softness.
Morena noticed Chaz’s cologne scent as well, which she had already come to associate with lust and desire from their encounter just a few days before, and she was already feeling her arousal. He was wearing a charcoal grey tee shirt that fit him well, exposing the slight muscling around his chest and upper arms. His blue eyes looked intently at her face, peering at her underneath the lid of his darkly colored newsboy-style hat.
Chaz offered her a beer as she sat on the bar stool to his left, which was next to the entrance in this smallish basement facility. They were joking about their previous experiences with dating, and how Chaz had taken to using the Tinder app following his separation from his wife. Morena thought it was odd that Chaz should need to resort to a dating app, and he noted that he had yet to meet or even “like” anyone that was presented. But seeing this stunning woman before him, to whom he was opening his heart, he showed her the app on his phone, and deleted it. This pleased Morena, especially as he posted to social media that his Tinder account had been deleted, also signaling that he was taken.
By now, Morena knew where Chaz lived, and they decided to meet there before they had too much to drink. Chaz had wine at home. And not just wine, but there were candles around his bed, with incense and lava lamps… and is that a pillow with a Navajo fertility symbol? Chaz couldn’t know that Morena saw this as a good luck charm, if an odd choice for a bachelor. The mood had been set.
They kissed again at the foot of his bed. The candlelight flickered gently, with the soft reddish lamp light illuminating their faces. They disrobed – there were no pretenses about what was going to happen. He laid her down on his bed, her dark skin a heavenly sight against the white blankets. She had turned to crawl towards the pillows at the head of the bed, when Chaz approached her from behind and slowly licked from her clitoris to her tail bone and back. She involuntarily gasped, “Oh my God…” as she felt the unfamiliar but delicious sensation. He continued to flicker and circle his tongue around her clitoris, inflaming her with unprecedented desire and pleasure.
Chaz wanted to please Morena, and was prepared to do things he had never done. Prior to that moment, neither of them had experienced such intimacy. Chaz persisted tasting her, rubbing his mouth across sensitive, exposed skin, enjoying giving Morena new feelings of desire.
Morena was overwhelmed by the heat emanating from her loins, and her desire for this strange man to penetrate her. She turned over to lie on her back and open her legs, inviting Chaz to come closer. Chaz crawled up between her legs and gingerly kissed her inner thighs. Morena could feel Chaz gently biting her skin, tantalizing her, as his tongue dragged languidly towards her womanhood.
She arched her back when his tongue once again connected to her clitoris, and Chaz could feel her body tense as he began to swirl. He alternated with a flickering motion, and each time her body tensed he would change back to a slow swirl, first clockwise, then counterclockwise. Morena vocalized her pleasure, and Chaz switched again to flickering. Her body tensed and relaxed with his ministrations, and Chaz could feel the slow waves of tension coming closer together.
Morena felt on the verge of a precipice, and no one had given her such pleasure. Chaz continued his effort, until Morena’s body tensed one final time, beginning to tremble. Chaz slowed slightly to delay and sustain her peak. She felt electricity jolting through her body as she climaxed as never before. Chaz continued to swirl every more slowly, easing her down, feeling her body shudder repeatedly. This was the first time a man had actually given her an orgasm, not just because of his skillful, obviously experienced ministrations, but her openness to it.
Chaz climbed upwards over her body and gazed down into her beautiful, sparkling eyes. She gazed back at him intently, waiting for the moment. Chaz poised himself against her entrance, and slid gently, so easily within her wetness. When he reached full penetration, Morena was startled by how big he was, “Humongous…” she thought was she adapted to the tremendous, full sensation.
Chaz withdrew almost fully, to the head just barely within her entrance, and eased forward again, filling her and stretching her. Morena sighed audibly, as he continued to withdraw and penetrate with quickening intensity. Chaz never removed his gaze from her eyes – they were connecting not only with their bodies but their souls. He leaned forward to kiss her deeply, tongues twirling, with utmost passion. They were writhing against each other with unbridled joy as they felt their love grow.
As Chaz’s pleasure built, he kissed her neck and continued thrusting, feeling that dull, tingling ache that built with gradual but undeniable determination. The friction of his body against Morena’s clitoris brought her closer once again, and she was shocked that she felt another orgasm building inside her. This was completely unprecedented for her.
Chaz was so close, thrusting with excruciating urgency. “I’m going to cum,” whispered in her ear, “Can I cum inside you?” “Please cum in me,” she stunned herself when she replied.
And he did cum. Chaz felt that jolt come from the deepest place and felt bolts bursting from him over and over. Chaz had never cum so hard in his life. As he withdrew, his cum dripped luridly out of her, and they were both delighted. “Wow,” they both thought, as he rolled off of her and lied next to her, caressing her body while they took in the moment. Something powerful was exchanged between them, and neither of them would ever be the same.

Hey all,
I’m making this post as I was constantly anxious looking up horror stories from this subreddit and felt that the positive ones should be shared as well.
I want to make it clear I’m only 6 days post-op and only 25 years of age so everyone’s experiences may vary but wanted to share some words of encouragement.
I had 3 internal hemorrhoids that would flare up over the span of 3 months, I went to go get them checked by a colorectal specialist and was told surgery was my only option.
I was instantly freaked out and debating on pushing the surgery back as far as I could but people close to me pushed me to get it sooner rather than later so that’s what I did.
This post doesn’t contain much preparation information as there’s multiple other threads out there on what to do before and proper diets to follow, so please refer to those for any dietary recommendations. The only thing I did note is 48 hours before I ate lightly and 24 hours before I did liquid only. I also began to take miralax and colace the day before my surgery.
I went in for my surgery at 6AM, administered my Enema to flush out my system at 4AM. They give you the typical pain pills before hand and guide you through the anesthesia process and then you’ll soon be put under.
I woke up with a mild pain as the anesthesia was still in effect. The anesthesia affects not only your rectum but also your bladder and can prevent you from naturally peeing, this is a completely normal thing and can happen to anyone. I was unfortunately part of the group that could not urinate before the allotted time they gave me so as a male they had to put a catheter into my penis. I won’t lie this experience was extremely uncomfortable but I wanted to include this portion so for those of you who share the same experience do not worry this isn’t as uncommon as you may think. My catheter was removed on day 3 post op and I was prescribed FlowMax which helps allow your body to naturally urinate without issues.
The days after the surgery I was prescribed oxy and Valium to keep rotating every 3 hours. The pain was terrible but if you can stick to your medication schedule then it will be manageable and try to rest as much as you can. I was in the bathtub with hot/warm water a majority of the time when the pain became unbearable and that helped greatly.
I barely had an appetite the first two days and when I did eat I tried to keep it mostly liquid/soft foods. I also took my miralax, colace, and Metamucil every day and continue to, this was absolutely essential for the next part.
I finally had my first bowel on day 4, everyone has their own way of doing things but I have done all my bowel movements into a sitz bath (not my bathtub) that I bought at a pharmacy store. I fill it with somewhat hot/warm water and then sit up straight and only give the slightest push possible. Do not strain and if there is no bowel movement do not sit longer than 2-3 minutes. It may feel gross to defecate into a pool of water you’re sitting in but I promise I’ve had not one painful bowel movement yet and from my experience reading stories on here that seems extremely rare. If you’re taking all the stool softeners and fibers I mentioned earlier your body will clearly signal it’s time to go. Once that’s over I pat the area dry and then go into the bathtub with warm water to allow my muscles to relax and get back to normal.
If I had the biggest tip to give before the surgery, go buy two flat icing wraps from a pharmacy store. The flatter the better in order for it to comfortably sit under your butt, I’ve been using these since the first day and they provide so much relief. I would attribute most of my healing to constant icing.
I’m currently on Day 6 of post-op and I’m feeling little to no pain when doing laying, walking, and other tasks. I wanted to share my experience because I have a huge anxiety of surgeries and I would still say this surgery is still one of the worst ones I’ve had, but by listening to my doctors, doing my research, and taking things slow, I’ve had a better experience than most. This isn’t to gloat and discourage those who aren’t having the easiest recovery but for those people who were in my shoes pre-op stressing out and thinking of the worst, it will get better. I wish you all the best.

EDIT: I know it is not user-friendly right now to read, I will fix that in a bit tonight.
I am now pain free. I am waiting for a few months of pain free before officially claiming to be cured. (This post will be very long, buckle up.)
As some may know I am trying to run around the sub as much as I can to be helping you out, but now I've got mine (hopefully) totally under wraps, I want to share my process (WITHIN THE STAGES OF HEALING) to what I did to get to this point.
I am going to cover the different levels of healing, what to do and what not to do generally within those periods, explanations within each component of treatment, and tips. I will make sure to add some notes about different things to do if you have severe Costo.
Overall timeframes are different for everyone, I will just indicate the "Beginning" Time frame because you do not want to accidentally rush that part, or you may make it worse.
Overview of costo: Costo is a mechanical issue in the back causing referred pain in the sternum. You rib will be locked up from frozen short collagen and scar tissue build up. (This can happen from slouching, injury, impact, or surgeries etc.) The now locked rib(s) cannot move, making the cartilage in the sternum work twice as hard to do the normal movements. This causing inflammation, scar tissue build ups, and knotted muscles.
The set up will look like this:
-Overview of item (Only once) -How it helps (Only once) -How often to do it (These change per "healing" stage so ill repeat it.) -Tips (Only once) -Alternatives/modifications (Only Once)
So, let's get started.

Just Diagnosed or Zero actual treatment/management done

(Week 1-4ish):

Backpod:

-The backpod will help with overall pain (inflammation), Shortness of Breath (SOB), High HR, and will be the base of the treatment.
-The Backpod will stretch out the short collagen in your back and allow you to proceed with other treatment. This is very important. (Read guide to the backpod for proper usage, there is more detail about it in other posts of mine and in the manual, I won't be going over that again here).
-Starting using the backpod once a day for the first week or maybe two and then ramp it to twice a day (In the morning and then before bed). While you're using it once a day, do it during the time of day when you most often feel it the most. (for me it was the morning). ~When using it for the first time, just use it for 5 mins or so. The stretches should be uncomfortable but not SHARP pains. If it is SHARP pain, take a daybreak and continue once again after.
-Most often, the first 2-3 weeks will be sore from the backpod usage. THIS IS NORMAL. You are pushing and stressing inflamed joints and ribs that will not like to be moved at first. Keep going!
-Alternatives/modifications: If its too hard- Put a towel over the backpod and make sure to use 3 pillows to start. ~If still too hard, do it on the bed. If its too easy right away- Start by using it twice a day rather than once a day.
Note: If you have severe Costo the discomfort may be for the first month or so, don't give up. If it is SHARP pain, take a day break and continue once again the day after.

Deep Tissue Foam Roller (DTFR):

-The DTFR will help relieve tight back muscles that are caused by costo. Tight muscles will continue to aid in locking the ribs back up.
-A DTFR will help start to get the tight muscles moving.
-Only start using the DTFR after 2 weeks of backpod usage. If need be, use it later in the day aswell once you get to that point.
-This may cause some pain and should be done in moderation after 2 weeks of backpod usage. I urge you to wait because the backpod itself is going to be moving some sensitive stuff already, the DTFR can be harsh on a sensitive back and its best to avoid that extra pain if possible. ~Note: Only use this on your back NOT your chest.
-Alternatives/modifications: If it is too hard/painful start with a normal foam roller, once that seems to get relatively better, start at it with the DTFR.
Note: If you have severe Costo, feel free to start with a normal foam roller or simply wait longer then 2 weeks to do it. Some people it takes a month for a step where it may take a mild patient 2 weeks.

Rib/chest/neck stretches:

-Ribs- Lightly For the ribs (will be the sides), put an arm up in the air, so it is parallel to your body stacked on your shoulder. Next, at the elbow bend it and drape your forearm over the top of your head setting it on your head (your head should be in your elbow pit and against your bicep. Now, pivoting at the lumbahips, bend to the side so that you are leaning in the direction that the hand on top of your head is pointing. Per example, if you raised your left arm, you will be stretching the left side by leaning to the right. Hold this for 15 seconds and repet it on the other side. After a week, feel free to raise this to 30 seconds on each side. While doing the exercise. Do slow deep inhales and exhales.
Note: For severe Costo, do this only every other day for the first couple weeks if pain is too bad.
Chest- Lightly For the Chest, this is called a doorway stretch. Go to a doorframe and put your arms up so they are perpendicular to your body... inline with your shoulders, no lower, Think of a "T". Bend the elbows so your now making an American Football "Feild Goal Post" with your arms. Now, rest your forearms on the doorway and lean into the opening of the doorway slightly. This should be a deep stretch on the pectoral muscles. For the first week do this for 15-20 seconds and relax. After the first week, ramp it to 30 seconds and take a 2-minute rest and then do another 30 seconds.
Note: For severe Costo, feel free to only do one side at a time, and do it in shorter amounts for the first couple weeks.
Neck- Fully For The neck, take your hand (left hand for example) and put it palm flat on the right side above your ear on your head. Your fingers are at this point, pointing down and your palm of your hand is probably close to or on the top of your head. Drop/relax you right shoulder, and pull the head down to the left shoulder, angling your left ear in the direction the ground. This should be a deep stretch on the right side of the neck. Repete this on the other side. Do this for 30 seconds on each side.
Note: For severe tightness, you may need to first do some finger massages in the neck/trap before doing the full pulling stretch. This is just incase its too tight to jump right into it.

Supplements:

I took the following supplements:
--Calcium, Magnesium, and Zinc (3in1) - Once a day - Qty: 1 - Inflammation, Collagen, Cartilage, and Muscle support
--Turmeric - Twice a day (Morning/night) - Qty: 1/3rd serving (Serving was 3 capsules but it is high in Oxalates and with calcium it can give you kidney stones -rare- so I take less to be safe). .. I take 1 capsule in the morning/night. - Inflammation
--Fish Oil (Omega-3) - Twice a day - Qty: 1 capsule... I take one in the morning/night - Joints/cartilage, inflammation
--Vit. D3 - Once a day - Qty: 2,000 UI - TAKE WITH FISH OIL IN MORNING... Vit D3 is fat soluble. -Inflammation
--Multivitamin - Once a day - Qty: 1 - Overall deficiencies
-Boswellia Extract - Once a day (night) - Qty: 1 - Inflammation
Note: Make sure to split these up throughout the day and to take them with food, upset stomachs are no joke. Also, Take a Vit. C 500mg in the morning if you'd like. Your body pees out any extra so it can't hurt. Finally, if your Costo is severe, steroid Shots/Advil (Advil is horrid for you though) may be needed but I am not a doctor.

Rest:

Rest is needed to not overwork the sternum while it is super inflamed. Sleep on your back. Also, NO SLOUCHING.

Exercise: -None yet, too soon. - Will make costo worse
PT & Exercises from PT: - None yet, too soon. - Could make it worse
Massages: - None yet, too soon. - Too much pain and could make inflammation worse
I now won't go into detail about the things that I already went in-depth with. Anything new/if there is a change I will make sure to indicate it and go into depth with it.

Generally feeling better... Maybe 30-50% better:

Backpod:

-Keep using backpod trying to get up to full progression.
-Use it in the morning and then right before bed.

Deep tissue foam roller:

-Use DTFR after each backpod usage.

Rib/Chest/Neck Stretches:

Ribs:-Fully -Keep going on the side rib stretch. At this point do it everyday after backpod usage IN THE MORNING.
~ADDITION TO RIB EXERCISES: Sitting Twist Thrusts- Now that the back is slightly freer now, you can start to work it a little looser. At night after Backpod and DTRF and side rib stretch, sit on your shins and trust in a twisting motion to the right side 10 times. Then do the same on the left side. Now, return to the right side and turn as far as you can, put a hand on your knee and the other behind you to keep you in place. Hold this for 30 seconds and do deep inhales and exhales. Repeat this on the other side. While thrusting, your hands should be interlocked and making a big "ball" like thing with your hands. keep that up by your chin. Do not do this super aggressively. For the first week of doing this, be gentle.. slowly ramp it up and get more purposeful with the twisting. Never be super aggressive as to not hurt yourself.
Chest:-Fully -Keep the same stretches going. Do them twice a day, morning and night. 30 second hold X2 or 30 seconds on each side (if you do one arm at a time) X2.
Neck:-Fully -Do the neck stretches to the full extent.
~ADDITION TO NECK EXERCISES: Chin tuck- For this you will bring your chin to your sternum and let the neck hang. Take your hand and put light pressure down on your head to deepen the stretch. Do this for 30 seconds.

Supplements:

-Same supplements etc.

Rest:

-Rest is still very important, but you may be able to move around a little more at this point. STILL NO SLOUCHING (ever).
Note: You MIGHT find at this point, being slightly more active like going on walks etc will help lower pain.

Exercise:

None yet, too soon. -Will make costo worse. It is okay to be active though in the sense of jogs or walks etc at this point generally.

PT and PT exercises:

-None yet, too soon.
-Could make it worse (Physical therapists arnt always the best with costo and you do NOT want to risk it at this point.. especially with what they do)... regardless the ribs are not free enough yet.

Massages:

-Along with the DTFR, get some deep tissue massages on the back done... about once a week. These hurt some because they are really digging in there but are very helpful.
If these are causing lasting pain or a flare up, do not do them yet. Try it again later after some time.
Note: MAKE SURE YOU TELL THEM AND EXPLAIN TO THEM ABOUT COSTO.

Feeling MUCH better... Perhaps 85-90% healed:

Backpod:

-Using it all the way to max progression.

DTFR:

-Full usage of the foam roller, at this point it should feel amazing. Use it in the morning and at night.

Rib/Chest/Neck Stretches:

-The stretches should now be one twice a day (Morning and night).
-If you feel sure of it, you may want to cut back on the sitting twist thrusts. I started to find I felt worse after doing this twice a day at this point.

Supplements:

-At this point I have stopped taking Vit. D3 and Turmeric. It does not hurt to keep taking them, but I personally found it not necessary.

Rest:

-You should be able to do some more strenuous movements like swimming etc. This WILL help you feel better if youre truly this healed. But be careful of costo and always monitor it as to not accidentally push yourself too hard.

Exercise:

-At this point, you can do back and arm workouts but make sure you avoid anything chest supported. Also, go 1/3 intensity. On top of that, NO pullups, chinups, lat pulldowns, or TRICEP DIPS.
-Legs is good to do, but be careful you dont put too much pressure on your spine. Remember, the ribs are connected to the spine.. meaning the sternum could be agitated. I recommend sticking to seated leg exercises till healed fully.
-DO NOT TRAIN CHEST YET.

PT and PT Exercises:

I will go over what to look for with PT and then also talk about the PT exercises. I will list the exercises now but at the END of the post I will go into detail about how to do each exercise.
Okay, so with PT you want to first explain to them what Costo is, even if they say they know what it is, make sure its clear how its a back and rib mechanical issue that causes inflammation in the sternum. Ideally, you want back and sternum manual manipulation with costo in mind. On top of that, ask them to massage lightly IN BETWEEN the ribs. (NOT ON THEM). The goal for that is for them to start loosening the intercostal muscles. With inflammation, it will send a signal to nearby muscles to tense up and get all knotted. On top of that, scar tissue gets involved so the massages help with that. Anywho, having them work into the intercostal muscles RIGHT by the sternum will help SO SO MUCH.
Here are the PT exercises and what they do. At the end of the post I will go into great detail on how to do each one. Included, ill take some time tomorrow and find videos to link for each one.
Dead Bugs - 10x10sec - Core
Supermans - 5 arm pumps x 4sets - Full back spinal erectors
Open books- 15x on each side - Shoulder mobility and stability
Bridges on one leg - 15x5sec both sides - Hip Extensors
Big Ball Push Down - 20x5sec - Core
Ceiling Punches - 20x3sec - Serratus Anterior and upper back
Doorway stretch - 3x30sec - Pec stretch
Heel Rocks - 20x - Mid-back stretch
Theraband pull aparts - 20x3sec - Posture and upper back
Theraband pullback - 20x5sec - Traps and shoulders
Theraband pulldown - 20x5sec - Broad back muscle.

Massages:
-WILL EDIT AND ADD THIS TOMORROW (its been 7 hours ive been writing this im tired.)

Reposting cause the first attempt got caught in the spam filters for some reason.
Hey, so this is a little different than normal, a ficnapping of u/ApprehensiveCap6525's story Exchange Program Shenanigans, which you can read here!
This is an alternative chapter one exploring what would've happened if those exterminators gave him a little bit more trouble. Enjoy!
Memory transcription subject: Jackson Kern, Human-Venlil Exchange Program Candidate
Date [standardized human time]: September 3, 2136
To be honest, this whole alien business wasn’t living up to my expectations.
It could’ve been a lot worse, to be fair. We could’ve had an Independence Day situation on our hands, and there was no Will Smith around to save us anymore. But LA wasn’t a burning hellscape yet (well, more than it already was), and these aliens looked far too cute to be tossing nukes at us like change to a beggar.
In fact, the whole dynamic was the other way round. They thought we were gonna be the child eating monsters setting about founding the galactic fourth Reich. Well, fifth Reich, based on what Salvek told me about those crazy alien crocs.
Salvek, my exchange partner, and one of the few venlil who could look me in the eye without self destructing. He was like the others at first, but he chilled out pretty quickly. Now he was my best damn friend on the whole planet, and the things I would do to anybody that hurt him would shoot me straight to the top of the FBI’s most wanted list.
And it’s not like it would be difficult. I was pretty jacked for human standards, which meant I was an absolute colossus compared to the average venlil. I could probably snap one’s back in half like a dry twig, and toss them around like a sack of bricks. It probably wouldn’t come to that, since my mere presence sent most of them running for the hills. Except Salvek, who stood idly at my side as the train rolled to a halt.
Most of the occupants moved quickly to exit the car, while me and Salvek strolled casually out like it was just another Tuesday. Well, I guess not, since days didn’t technically exist on Venlil Prime. Being tidally locked meant that 1), the sun shone all the time, no matter what, and 2) my sleep schedule was absolutely fucked. Even after a couple weeks on the planet, I still woke up in a confused daze wondering why the sun was bleeding red in the middle of the night.
And here I am complaining about adjusting, when it was the locals who were having the real trouble. I was like Moses walking out of the station, for the sea of venlil parted in my wake. My shirt, stating in perfect venlilese “Dear Exterminators, My Eyes Face Sideways”, wasn’t much help.
It was the entire reason we were here in the first place. Being the savvy businessman that I was, I noticed the influx of humans coming since Tarva opened the borders were in dire need of fashionable and relevant t-shirts. It was an untapped market that the locals were in no rush to exploit. I needed money, humans needed funny t-shirts. In the great game of capitalism, that's what we call an opportunity.
But to start a business, I needed money in the first place. And unfortunately, Venlil Prime wasn’t yet interested in taking American MasterCard. So I needed venlil money. Ergo, I needed a loan from Salvek's bank. And since he was a real G, he agreed to come along.
A very roundabout way of explaining how I got sent to the slammer.
As I forced myself not to smile or display any ‘predatory gestures’ (a monumental task, considering the cuteness of the local company), I felt Salvek’s paw tug at my hand.
“Exterminators.”
Three of them, in fact, leaning against the wall like gangsters outside of a speakeasy. Two of them weren’t fully suited up, idly chatting away over what appeared to be their lunch break. The third, however, hid his eyes behind a reflective visor, and his fur beneath one of those fireproof silver suits they liked to run around in. On one hip was holstered a rather pathetic little peashooter, likely not even a .22. His flamethrower, on the other hand, was just begging to spew jellied gasoline all over me. That would ruin my shirt, and today was not the day I’d lose my million dollar idea to some KKK member cosplaying as a pyro main.
Salvek clenched his paw as the suited one began to take notice. “Hey, are you sure about this? What if they-“
“I’ll be fine, man.” I patted Salvek on the back. “Worst comes to worst, I can take him on with the old one two.” I threw two fists in the air, producing markedly worried expressions from passing venlil and Salvek.
“It’s not funny, Jack.” Salvek tried to tug me the other way, like an ant trying to pull Everest. “You know what they do for a living.”
I was quite aware, but given we were in the middle of a busy train station, and I was just a guy wearing a funny t-shirt, I was confident nothing was going to happen. There was still the slight possibility of coming away just a little bit crispier, but hey, not my fault my eyes faced forward. So I met the exterminators march with a confident swagger of my own.
“Random search.” He spoke gruffly, poking the flamethrower at my chest, “No sudden movements.”
“Alright, alright.” I raised my arms into a t-pose like I’d done a thousand times before, but the exterminator swatted them down.
“Keep those hands at your side, predator!” He barked.
“Sorry for just following the procedure.”
“Well the procedures changed, so keep those claws down!”
“Claws?” I couldn’t help but snicker. “Jesus man, take a fucking chill pill.”
"I swear to the protector above, if you don't shut your brahking mouth-"
"You're gonna set me on fire, right?"
To be fair, I was pushing my luck here. But these guys were assholes, and I had to admit, it was very fun to push their buttons.
The exterminator huffed before beginning his pat down. Gloved paws went up and down my chest, across my arms, searching fruitlessly for any sort of hidden weapon. Little did he know, my true hidden weapon was charm.
"Down on your knees." He barked.
"Making me kneel isn't gonna produce a glock from my ass, buddy."
"I. said. down." The flamethrower against the small of my back was the motivation I needed, apparently. Once I was, he got my hands in a pair of handcuffs, pushed me down to the floor, and renewed his search once more. Search was putting it generously. At this point, it was more of a beatdown.
"Look, I know you're pissed your wife has gone off to Wales to get herself some action, but you don't need to take it out on me."
“Wales, must be one of your death camps, huh?”
"Yeah, real terrible." I chuckled. "They brainwash poor venlil into never wanting to leave. I'm afraid that your wife ain't never coming back."
"Well, good thing I don't have a wife."
Maybe that's what I should've expected. Can't imagine this massive black hole of an ass pulling anything more than himself out of bed in the morning.
"Felsha, I don't think he has anything on him." One of the off duty ones said. "Unless he really did shove something up his ass."
"No...", a paw slipped into my pocket, "but maybe it's not a weapon we're looking for."
"Hey, hey, what are you doing with my pad?"
The exterminator dangled one of my few possessions right in front of my face, as though I didn't dislike him enough. "I'm just checking to see what type of plans you got on here."
"What, do you think your gonna find a fucking manifesto?"
"Oh, you predators are so empathetic, so kind." He pulled a small looking USB thing from his pocket and stuck it into my pads' charging port. “We all know what you predators really plan on doing.”
His buddies decided to come over to snoop through my pad. Not like they were gonna find anything, but considering their smug looks (I assume), they’re not the type to care for standards of evidence.
As they hacked into my pad, I shimmed over to see Salvek still standing at my side, despite the wide berth the crowds were giving us. That’s why he was my G. He wasn’t afraid like all the rest of them. I bet he was stewing to give these assholes a piece of his mind. Or fist. Either one would make me happy.
The exterminators were happy too, as far as their ear waggles told me. “Oh, what do we have here? Care to explain this?” The helmeted one spun my pad around, displaying a photo from…
“Russia. That’s from Russia." A deep sense of unease suddenly welled up from my stomach. "I fought in their civil war.”
It was far from the front lines, near the outskirts of Moscow. Me and my squad were about to be sent back to the trenches, so we decided to get one last photograph in. We promised each other we would retake once everything was over.
Half of them were six feet under now.
“So you're a soldier, huh? And you and your buddies here are planning some sort of attack?”
“Shut the fuck up.” The anger that came to my voice even surprised me. It certainly did the exterminators, who flinched at my outburst.
The helmeted one regained his composure the quickest. “This one’s dangerous. We need to bring him in."
"Why not just burn him now?" One of the others asked.
The helmeted one took one look at me, then to a slightly quivering Salvek, then to the crowds. Some onlookers had begun to record the scene on their pads. He sighed.
"He's too dangerous to be dealt with here. We'll deal with him at the station. Get up."
"Jack!" Salvek called out as the exterminators brought me back to my feet.
I threw back a smile his way. "I'll be good bro. These guys won't lay a claw on me." Despite the fact that they were in fact laying several claws on me.
Salvek went to approach, but the one free exterminator stepped between me and him. "Stay back, he's dangerous."
"But he's my exchange partner!"
"Yeah, count yourself lucky you're still alive." He pushed him off to the side. "Don't convince me you have PD now too." Considering their standard of evidence so far, it probably wouldn't take much for him to slap Salvek with that label.
"Just promise me you'll come back!" Salvek called over as I was led out of the building. "Jack?"
"I will, bro, I will!"
As I was pulled out into the sunlight towards the waiting van, two things were on my mind. One, I wasn't sure I would be able to keep my promise to Salvek.
Two, this all started because I just wanted to sell a fucking T-shirt.
The exterminators would've made a terrible taxi service. They bundled me into the back of the van like I was being black-bagged by the CIA. They didn't even put me in a seat, they just threw me on the floor and double checked my restraints were in place. Then I'm pretty sure they ran over every speed bump in the goddamn city, just to give me back problems on top of the napalm suppository I was about to get.
Or maybe I was just exaggerating. After all, Tarva had been pretty adamant about the program going well. If anything bad happened to us, she would organize an execution that would make the North Koreans jealous.
Still, I couldn't discount one of these great value KKK members getting a little too trigger happy. For mine and Salvek's sake, I hoped they could keep their lids on.
The van finally rolled to a stop after what felt like hours of rolling across Russian trenches, and the bastards finally let me see the light of day once again. They not so gently dragged me out of the van and towards the facade of an absolutely massive building. A literal giant slab of concrete, looked almost designed to survive a direct nuke strike. Hell, maybe I was right.
I had no time to appreciate the alien brutalist aesthetic, for the exterminators quickly pushed me inside. The interior was remarkably sterile, probably scrubbed down to remove the 'predatory taint' they were talking about in the front cabin. It gave me great comfort to know that the highly advanced fluffy aliens had medical understanding comparable to that of a fucking plague doctor.
They pushed me along what felt like an endless series of identical corridors, always making sure to keep the flamethrower pressed against my back. I was pretty sure the pilot light singed the shirt at this point, although I was in no position to check. As long as they didn't fuck with the text, I was all good.
That could be a good T-shirt slogan. 'I got kidnapped by the exterminators, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt'. That shit would sell gangbusters.
Thinking about business opportunities helped to distract me from the slog. Before long, I was led through a series of heavy duty doors, before finally standing before what appeared to be some sort of isolation chamber. Guarded by another heavy duty door, with way mirrors giving a view to the padded interior.
The exterminators pushed me inside, locked the door behind me, and left without a single word. Except one, who spoke through the grainy intercom.
"The only reason you're alive right now is because our governor has come down with a case of PD. But make one brahking move, and I'll make sure your no longer an issue."
"Look dude, all I wanted to do was to sell a shirt."
"Shut up!" he barked. "The EC is gonna roll around pretty soon here. Pray to your disgusting gods that she's just as PD'd as the governor."
"Wait, EC?"
"Yeah, Exterminator Commander. She's a real bitch. Have fun."
The mic cut off, leaving me with the pleasant idea of meeting the equivalent of a grand wizard.
Christ, I hope Salvek is doing alright. He probably wasn't in any trouble. He was too smart to do that. Unlike me, Jackson Kern, certified dumbass.
Maybe if I hadn't been so smug, I wouldn't be here in the first place. Should've just kept my mouth shut, taken the high road, but noooo. You had to tell the guy holding the flamethrower that predators were fucking his wife six ways to Sunday.
And he didn't even have a wife!
I began devising escape plans, but they quickly became bullshit you'd find in loony tunes. My cuffs weren't in any mood to be pulled apart, and the door looked too buff to be bashed through. And even managing that, you don't bring just muscle to a gun and flamethrower fight. In a maze, surrounded on all sides by aliens ready to put you down on a dime. Unless I could pull some John McClane tier shit, my ass was staying put.
All I could do was wait.
And wait.
Annnnd wait.
If it wasn't clear by now, they were probably doing this on purpose. Waiting to see if I would snap, transform into a werewolf or something like that. I wouldn't do that, of course. That would rip the shirt.
After what felt like the average lifespan of a US politician, another voice came over the speaker, this time female.
"Name?"
Definitely female, from the read given by my translator. Surprisingly calm too, given this was supposedly the head honcho of the place. Maybe she's holding back?
"Uh, Jackson Kern."
"Jackson Kern." There was a pause. "They didn't get your name."
"They didn't ask."
"Or anything else, for that matter." There was a sigh. "Of course they didn't follow procedure."
"They told me the procedure changed."
Another pause. "Brahking typical. Trying to run a tight operation here, and they can't even follow the rulebook. Why did they bring you in?"
"They said it was a random check. They were guarding the exit to the station. Singled me out when I tried to leave."
"And were you doing anything that warranted being stopped by an exterminator?"
What was with all these questions? This was an exterminator commander, apparently. I couldn't tell, because the voice was almost sounding reasonable.
"I didn't do anything. I was just trying to get to the bank, but they had something to say about that."
"So nothing?"
"As though you would believe me. I'm a predator, after all."
"No, I've seen the data, the brainscans, the empathy tests." There was what sounded like shuffling on the other side. "You humans are nothing like the arxur, that much is clear. I wish my juniors could understand that, but some skulls are too thick to peck through, if you know what I mean."
I knew very much what she meant. I was more surprised that this woman actually believed me, the only person on this planet besides Salvek to do so. That had to mean something.
Or it could all still be an act. So she was either smart enough to be playing me, or smart enough to understand me. Either way, she was fucking Einstein in comparison to the rest of the planet.
"So am I in...trouble?"
"No, not unless you cause any." she said. "And you don't strike me as that type of person."
Wait, she called me a person. That was a marked improvement over 'predator'. Many she actually wasn't fucking insane?
"So...can I get out of here?"
"Give me a second." The mic cut, followed shortly by the door opening. The most strikingly blue bird I'd ever seen (one of those 'krakotl', I think) stepped through and into the cell. Her stride didn't even waver as I stared at her.
I knew the birds were braver than the venlil, but this one didn't even seem to register my presence. She stepped around to my back, and before long my cuffs clattered on the ground. Her talons didn't even move to her holstered pistol as I stretched my arms out.
"Apologies for the whole ordeal." she said. "We're supposed to be protecting the herd, not wasting our time doing this."
"Being called a waste of time is the best compliment I've received from you types so far." and not even the best thing she called me in the conversation. She called me a person.
Her expression changed to one that I could only guess was flattery. "The guild has to change to the times. We can't go around treating you like arxur forever. Unless you actually plan on becoming like them..."
"I'll make sure to let you know in advance." She laughed, or did some squawk that my translator pulled as a laugh. But the fact that she could laugh at a joke about me becoming like those psycho nazi lizards?
Maybe this 'Exterminator Commander' wasn't so bad after all.
It almost felt wrong when she guided me along uncuffed back through the facility, as she ensured her colleagues that I was no danger. Not that they seemed convinced, but her words seemed to carry weight, and they raised no objection. Before long, all my possessions (i:e my pad) were returned, and I was staring at the eternal sunshine once more.
The E.C guided me through the parking lot, waved off the gate guard, and led me over to the sidewalk. I was still expecting all this to be a trap, and for a dozen exterminators to pop out of the shadows and gun me down. But they didn't seem like the types to drag out the kill.
The guy at the station wanted to burn me right then and there. If she wanted me dead, I wouldn't be here right now.
I turned to face the krakotl, still unbothered by my presence. I tried to think of something important to say, but I couldn't really think of much besides a simple,
"Thank you, I guess."
Her expression changed to one I could only guess was gratitude. "Just try not to get in trouble. Otherwise we might have to meet again."
That honestly didn't sound too bad. "I'll try not to."
"And if you do, give me a call." She handed me a small slip of paper with venlilese script written all across. "Assuming you don't actually go full predator, I can get you out of a tight spot."
She began walking back towards the facility, before a random thought came to my mind. "Hey, wait!"
The kraktol spun on the spot. "Problem?"
"I...wanted to know your name."
She tilted her head off to the side, and I swore she would've given me a smile if she could.
"Jelim."
"Jelim." The name had a good ring to it. "Nice to meet you."
"You too, Jackson Kern."
"Just Jack."
I don't know why I clarified my nickname. Maybe there was some feeling we were gonna meet again, or something like that.
"Well Jack, good luck." She went to leave again, before turning around one final time.
"By the way, I like the shirt."
With that, she stepped back through the gate, and disappeared behind the wall.
I let go of a massive sigh and let my posture relax for the first time in what felt like forever.
Yeah, the whole alien business hadn't gone as I hoped. Most of the planet still hated my guts, the galaxy hated everyone's guts, and I was one wrong step away from being lit up like the fourth of july fireworks show.
But maybe it wasn't all bad. My shirt made it through the day unscathed, I had someone high up who had my back, and Salvek was still my bro.
Speaking of him, I shot off a quick text letting him know I was okay and to come pick me up. Seeing him happy and relieved was definitely going to brighten up my day, but until then?
There was another long wait ahead of me, and I was in the mood for some Clash of Clans.

This story may seem a bit outlandish, insane even. But when you’re a scientist at a lab that no one even knows about and a strange man in a tube is begging you to tell their story and screaming to get it out to the public, you feel obliged to tell it. Now, I know this may result in my immediate termination, if not worse, but honestly? I don’t quite care. If there is even a grain of truth to this story, people deserve to know. I’d also like to tell you that I am no writer, so if this isn’t great, I do apologize.
“And for the missing person reports that date back many years, police still have not found any leads to the odd disappearance of multiple people around our little town of Welks, Utah. If police find any new leads, I, Nathan White, will be the first to give you the news.” Nathan White is a small town reporter who is finishing up his final words of the day's news. Charlie Akins, Nathan’s colleague and long time friend is manning the camera. Nathan is your typical guy who never gives up and has the determination of a beaver building its dam. He will take any story he is given and will do his best to make it the best. Charlie on the other hand is about as outgoing as a sloth and so paranoid he can’t go anywhere without thinking the worst, but will never leave his friend’s side.
Soon after the two wrap up, Charlie gets a call from their boss who claims to have a new story they could cover. Nathan places their gear in the news van as Charlie walks over. With the way Charlie nervously walks over, Nathan knows something is odd. “So what’s the deal? We got a story or what?” Charlie gets in the driver seat of the van without saying a word and Nathan quickly follows, getting into the passenger seat.
As Charlie begins driving, he tells Nathan what their boss had spoken to him about. An old abandoned government facility sits out in the farthest outskirts of the town. It’s in the shape of a dome that’s large enough to house an entire town. There’s no records of anyone ever entering the facility since the 50’s and no one seems to know what it was for. Only thing anyone knows, or suspects, is that it may be cursed or haunted as people who have ever been near it claim to hear screams and voices coming from within. Charlie is hesitant of even the thought of covering the story but continues to drive assuming Nathan will be intrigued. Charlie was correct, of course, as Nathan quickly calls their boss to inform him that they’re checking it out.
Without question, Charlie continues driving until they are so far out that Welks is completely out of sight in the rearview mirror. They eventually see a large structure in the distance that they quickly realize is the center of their new story. “Holy shit, Charlie! I’ve never seen this place before and just… Wow,” Nathan says excitedly.
“Nathan, I don’t know about this one. Something seems off. Even the boss seemed hesitant to tell me about this place,” Charlie responds.
“Come on, Charlie. We’ve always wanted to cover a GHOST STORY.”
“No, YOU have always wanted to cover a ghost story. I’ve always wanted to get the hell away from every single person I come in contact with and sleep in my bed.”
“Don’t do me like that.”
“You know I’ve got your back through thick and thin, Nate. But I’ve seriously got a bad feeling about this one.”
“I know but come on, serious-... ly…”
Nathan is awestruck by the sight of a large sign on the outer brink of a long driveway leading to the entrance of the dome. The sign reads:
RESTRICTED AREA
ENVIRODOME
“WE EXPERIMENT FOR THE SAFETY OF OUR PEOPLE”
SPECIAL ACCESS IS NEEDED BEYOND THIS POINT
Although it was obvious by the city-sized dome in the middle of the desert, this sign fully confirmed they were in the right place. They continue down the driveway until they finally reach a parking lot that lies in front of the only noticeably cube-like design of the entire facility. The parking lot was small, or at least it seemed that way based on how huge the building was.
Nathan and Charlie assumed it would be glass, but instead, the decrepit building, now known to be The Envirodome, was made of a strong thick, yet rusted metal. They realized this was most likely by design considering the people who created it wouldn’t have wanted anyone to know what went on inside. Almost the entire building was covered in a thick layer of vines except for the front door. The doors at the entrance were oddly only covered in smaller vine growth that was far more fragile than the rest.
Charlie parks the van as an awestruck Nathan barely waits for him to stop and exits the passenger side. Charlie hesitantly follows suit. Nathan reaches the double entrance doors and rips away the vines. He quickly finds the handle of the right door and much to his surprise, it cracks open.
“Ooh spooky,” Nathan jokingly says to Charlie.
“Shut up,” Charlie snaps back.
As Nathan and Charlie open the large metal door and walk inside, they find far more than, yet somehow everything, they had expected. The duo walk inside only to find an entire small community within. Businesses, homes, trees and more fill the miles long dome in all directions, seemingly to no end.
“There’s a whole damn town in this place?! How the hell did not a single person know this existed,” Charlie exclaims out of pure shock.
“Dude… How the fuck am I suppose to know? That’s why we’re here, remember? To cover the story of this place and get it out to the people…” Nathan sarcastically snaps back.
Charlie, nervous as all hell, ignores Nathan as they continue forward in the hopes to find information on this place somewhere inside. They don’t even reach but about 10-15 feet inside before the door slams shut behind them and locks itself into place. Once fully locked, the doors start to change as if there was never a door or wall there at all. It quickly changes into a hyper-realistic hologram of more trees and roads. Soon enough, it looked as if an exit never even existed.
Nathan quickly realizes that there seemingly are no walls in any direction. However, realistically and logically, there must be dead ends in all directions, the dome was obviously designed in a special way. Although there was a dome surrounding the town inside, there were still plenty of places Nathan and Charlie could explore. With beautifully green trees all around, houses and even rundown businesses, the entire place looked and felt like a normal little town instead of the inside of a previously government owned facility. Despite absolutely not a single structural flaw in the dome, a small breeze glides through the air, whistling to the ears of any who would listen.
Both Nathan and Charlie are confused, yet in awe, by the experience at hand, but still they carry on. Nathan suggests going to the nearest building to search for information as he takes his next steps into the oddly beautiful scenery. Charlie, however, hesitates his next step until he realizes Nathan is already further ahead of him. Trees dance and sway in the cool breeze, grass and vines grow over large rocks and multiple buildings, and even clouds sail through the beautifully blue skies that couldn’t possibly be real but at this point it’s not unbelievable. With so much to admire, Nathan quickly loses focus on the task at hand until Charlie speaks up.
“Hey, Nate. Shouldn’t we hurry up and get to wherever the hell we’re going?”
“Huh? Oh… Yeah, yeah. Sorry…”
Nathan snaps back to his senses and continues forward. As they continue to what seems like a small neighborhood, they notice something in the distant wooded area. It’s a four-legged creature that could be a wolf or coyote. Nathan and Charlie pick up speed as they are unsure of what it could really be and prefer not to be attacked.
On arrival to the neighborhood, the two men notice that multiple mannequins are oddly placed around as if they had been living a life. An eerie feeling washes over them as they both become a little more skeptical of being there. Nathan looks back to check on his friend and notices Charlie is visibly paranoid as he looks around. He feels a moment of guilt for making him come here for a story to cover, but that moment was just that. A moment. Nathan quickly nudges Charlie to get him to come with him as he walks up to an open house.
As they walk in, they split up. Charlie searches the living room and kitchen. Nathan goes straight to the farthest bedroom in the back. Searching every nook and cranny, Nathan finds absolutely nothing but an old withered bible. He begins to walk into another room when suddenly, Charlie’s voice echoes through the empty hallway.
“Holy fuck,” Charlie exclaims.
“What’s wrong,” Nathan yells while running into the living room.
Nathan finds Charlie holding an old yellowed stack of papers. Charlie hands them to Nathan without uttering a single word. On top is an old document that reads:
Aug. 17, 1953: Testing is ready to commence for Project 718/Operation “SUPER” in the environment dome. However, there are no volunteers for testing just yet.
Aug. 18, 1953: Chief scientist, Dr. Maximus Woods, has volunteered as prime subject under the name: Subject Zero. All tests are now being prepared.
Aug. 20, 1953: Day 1 of testing has started. The Super Serum has been injected into Dr. Maximus Woods A.K.A Subject Zero at approximately 12:53 A.M. It has been hours and nothing has happened thus far.
Aug. 25, 1953: Subject Zero has gained a slight form of telekinesis. Small signs of abnormally quick healing factors have also appeared, taking only a couple of hours to fully heal mid-large wounds made on the subject's body. Tests, so far, seem to be successful with no side effects.
Aug. 30, 1953: Subject Zero has had impressive changes with easy to control telekinesis, rapid healing, and even large amounts of strength.
Sep. 5, 1953: Over the past week, Subject Zero has been undergoing small changes in personality, possibly a slight side effect of the serum. This will be monitored.
Sep. 10, 1953: Subject Zero has become rapidly unstable, showing major signs of insanity. Subject does not seem to realize the environment is simulated and treats test mannequins placed around the environment dome as if they were living beings.
Sep. 17, 1953: Multiple teams have been sent in to try and allow real communication with living beings. However, all teams have been killed by Subject Zero. He also does not allow anyone to retrieve the bodies and it is unclear what he does with them.
Oct. 3, 1953: Subject has become far too unstable to continue any further testing. All research will be abandoned but a small team will remain in the overseer’s office. For full safety measures, this team has agreed that if the facility must be destroyed then they will die with it. This was the intended way in case of emergency. If the facility is self-destructed, no one inside will survive.
“What the hell…” Nathan says fearfully.
“Read the newspaper article that’s attached,” says Charlie.
The newspaper article reads:
October 3, 1953
Today, the government-run facility, Envirodome, had been shut down after multiple men had been slaughtered at the hands of the company’s very own test subject, Subject Zero. The few men who made it out alive today could not speak of or about the tests done but we were told that their subject is still inside the facility. Test Subject Zero was locked inside only as a safety protocol but many wonder, how long will he remain there?
Upon this discovery, Nathan stops to think and wonders if he screwed up by taking on this story to cover. Nathan, being himself, tries to lighten the mood but before uttering a single word, he is cut off by a rough and deep voice in the distance. The voice now being the only thing to focus on, Nathan and Charlie look out the front windows of the old house and spot the figure of a man playing baseball with a mannequin.
Upon further inspection, the man is wearing clothes obviously not of this era. With an old 50’s jacket that is nearly torn to shreds, an old pair of blue jean slacks, a red shoe on one foot and a black one on the other and hair that clearly hasn’t been washed in years, the man is the exact look and description of pure insanity. Not just with his looks but also with his actions, he clearly is not a stable man.
In the yard of the next house over, the man is talking and playing catch with a mannequin. “For the last time Jimmy, I’m tired of your shit! Catch the damn ball or at the very least attempt to instead of just standing there,” the crazed man screams as he chucks a baseball at its head resulting in its immediate decapitation. Nathan, with a humor full of bad timing, nearly bursts into laughter.
“Shut the fuck up, Nathan! That’s the guy from the document and newspaper article. He’s Dr… Uh… Maximus Woods! Subject Zero! He’s been here since the 50’s,” Charlie fearfully exclaims.
“There’s no way in hell, Charlie. The guy doesn’t even look like he’s past his mid-30’s.”
“I told you to call me Subject Zero! That old name is dead to me!” The man, now confirmed to be Subject Zero, yells out to another mannequin.
“Believe me now, asshat,” Charlie snaps at Nathan.
“Shush! What was that?” Subject Zero quickly snaps his attention to Nathan and Charlie’s direction and begins to walk to them. The two men look at each other in fearful confusion and simultaneously say, “oh shit.”
Instinctually, Charlie runs out of the house from fear and with a quick, “FUCK!” Nathan follows him. Running out of the house like a couple of preyed upon animals, they run up the street further into the neighborhood. Taking a quick glance, Nathan spots a strange sight. Subject Zero and many other figures are chasing after them. Upon further examination, Nathan realizes that what he’s witnessing is something straight out of a horror movie. The other figures are , in fact, not even humans. They’re mannequins! All the mannequins they had seen back at the other houses are now moving like humans and coming right for them alongside Subject Zero.
Nathan is running so fast you could mistake him for a train breaking loose from its tracks, but sadly, Charlie is slowing down, unable to keep up with his friend. Nathan manages to reach a hiding spot behind a dumpster, unintentionally leaving Charlie to await his own horrors as Nathan is nothing but forced to watch.
Charlie begins to stumble and trips over his own feet. Soon after, the mannequins catch up to him. Nathan wants to help, but knows he can’t so all he does is watch in horror. Lying on the ground, Charlie gasps for air as the mannequins and Subject Zero surround him. They stare at him for a moment before eventually beating him simultaneously until Charlie is soaked in his own blood, barely alive. Suddenly, they stop. Charlie, nearly lifeless, drags his gaze in Nathan’s direction. He mouths, “GO” before coughing up blood. Nathan holds back tears and vomit as he looks away in guilt. All the mannequins that were once beating the life out of Charlie turn around and scatter before ultimately becoming, once again, inanimate objects. Like a lion searching for its prey, Subject Zero scans the area.
With danger nearby, Nathan looks around to find a house with any open doors to attempt to find safety. He spots a nearby house with an open window and decides it's his best option. Without hesitation, Nathan sprints to the window and leaps in like a gazelle escaping its demise. Much to his surprise, he went unnoticed.
“I might be insane, but I know I wasn't just seeing double of your little friend here. Where the hell are you,” screams Subject Zero as two mannequins carry Charlie's bloodied, yet still alive, body away. Nathan, afraid, yet determined, locks himself inside the house and sits behind a kitchen counter.
He looks up to see if it's safe enough to search the house. Once he realizes it is, he begins to look around. The kitchen is oddly empty. Not a single piece of silverware, plate or food. Out of the entire house, the living room is the best looking part, even though it still looks like a tornado came through it. With hopes of finding something, Nathan scrummages through everything lying on the decrepit wooden floor.
After a moment of searching, Nathan notices multiple papers scattered around all dated October of 1953. All the papers say different things about Project ‘SUPER’ and Subject Zero. Although most papers essentially say the same things, one paper stands out the most. It’s a newspaper dated a few days after the imminent shutdown of the facility.
October 9, 1953
The project was abandoned and only a few escaped but one former employee of Envirodome decides to speak up about the events. “The main doors may have been closed but they sadly were not locked,” the scientist tells our interviewer, “Oddly, the doors were made to allow people in but not back out unless you went to the overseer’s office and unlocked the main doors. All this means, anyone who decides to go inside without knowing this info will be trapped forever with a psycho maniac. Fortunately, Subject Zero’s insanity affected his mind so badly he doesn’t even realize he’s in a fake little world that’s specially made for him.”
A little further down the same newspaper article it reads:
The former Envirodome employee continues. “All documents will state that Dr. Maximus Woods volunteered to be Subject Zero, but that just isn’t true. We tricked him. You see, we needed someone and Dr. Woods was just this weird scientist that no one really liked. We convinced him that if he volunteered that he would be a hero. Someone who could save our world if the serum worked. He was so happy and we just laughed at him but knew we needed him for the tests. As soon as everything began, it all ended. As he became more and more deranged, he also became more determined to make the serum work. He eventually took living people he kept with him and made his own serum to try and perfect it. But it never worked. It just leads to each person to become crazier and far quicker. He ended up just killing everyone that the serum didn’t work on. God knows what he does to any poor soul that innocently walks into that building and gets trapped.”
With this new knowledge, Nathan knew he fucked up by coming into this beautiful hell. Now filled with dreaded emotions, he gets onto his feet and sets onward through the hallway. As he reaches the beginning of the hallway, the front door is unexpectedly busted down by an already all too familiar figure, Subject Zero.
Reacting quickly, Nathan sprints to the farthest back room of the house. Being the master bedroom, it has plenty of space but sadly doesn’t have a lock on the door. Thinking quickly, Nathan slams the door and nervously shoves a large stand up dresser down on its side and in front of the doorway. He knows it won’t hold for long, especially considering, just a mere seconds ago, he witnessed Subject Zero burst a door off its hinges in the blink of an eye.
Subject Zero is on the hunt, looking in every room all while Nathan stands in the master bedroom freaking out. Eventually, he comes to his senses and looks out the room's only window. It’s quite a drop below due to the house sitting on a slanted yard. Without hesitation, Nathan prepares himself for his only option. He opens the window and prepares to jump as the door of the room begins to be beaten upon. The door eventually breaks in half and standing on the other side is Subject Zero. Nathan slings himself out the window but it inevitably leads to pain.
Nathan, with a possibly broken ankle, stands against the wall to stay as Subject Zero looks through the window wondering how he could lose his only entertainment so easily. Subject Zero eventually angrily wanders off as he cusses at himself. Nathan takes that as his cue to stumble his way into the nearby forest.
Nathan manages to make it a decent distance into the forest before stumbling and falling next to a large oak tree. Expecting to be free from danger for at least a while, he relaxes against the tree and closes his eyes. Far too early for assumptions, he hears something and quickly opens his eyes to see Subject Zero’s fist unexpectedly rushing to his face, resulting in a knockout.
After a while, Nathan cracks his eyes open, barely able to see. He looks around in a trance until he hears a familiar voice.
“Hey, Nate! Nate! Wake the fuck up! I’m not dead!”
Nathan fully comes to and looks over to see an upside down Charlie. Confused, he looks at Charlie unsure of what to say. Eventually he speaks.
“What the fuck…? Why the hell are you upside down?”
Charlie points to Nathan’s feet, revealing he is in fact, the one upside down hanging by his feet.
“Oh, fuck… WHAT THE FUCK?!? Get me down, you asshole!”
Charlie unties the rope, leading to Nathan falling on his head. Rubbing his head, Nathan gets up with ease, which leads him to wonder why there’s no pain in his ankle. He quickly shrugs it off and looks back at Charlie as he finally realizes the situation.
“Wait a damn minute, how the hell are you alive? I saw you get beaten to a pulp.”
“Yeahhhh… Well, first off, thanks for leaving me, but I’ll tell you everything I know, just as they did for me.”
Charlie points over to a small crowd of people waiting behind the dark shadows of the room. With a short, yet detailed, briefing, he tells Nathan that these people are all the missing people they’ve been reporting about. They all have been curious people who have wandered into the facility but inevitably became a morbid science experiment by Subject Zero. Charlie continues on to tell Nathan that every single one of these people have been injected with a similar serum as Subject Zero but each one is a slightly altered version.
“So, let me get this straight… These people have all been injected with the same damn insanity poison as that madman and there’s absolutely no telling who could lose it and kill us with FUCKING TELEKINISIS!”
“Yeah, pretty much. But I’ve been told that Subject Zero murders every failed attempt before they hurt any of his other precious test subjects. So far, all he’s done is prolong the insanity effects.”
“Charlie, we have to somehow get the fuck out of here.”
“We can’t. Do you not understand what I just said?”
“Look, I get that these people are innocent but they’re obviously going to be massive dangers to humanity. We can get out of here. I don’t know how but… Somehow!”
“Nate! I can’t get out of here.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
Charlie raises up his arm and reveals a small pinprick of a needle in his skin.
“Charlie, what is that? No… Wait, you were injected too?”
“Yeah.”
“FUCK!”
“Look, as far as I’m concerned, you haven’t been injected. There’s no needle mark in your skin. YOU could actually get out of here.”
“I’m not leaving you behind again, Charlie! It was a nightmare seeing what they did to you the first time.”
“Nathan, I -”
Suddenly and very unexpectedly, one of the people in the crowd begins to scream from within the shadows. Nathan, confused and afraid, looks over at the man losing his sanity. Within seconds, the man stops screaming as the entire room falls into a deafening silence. The man looks in Nathan’s direction and shines a demonic grin with a stare that could pierce the soul of any mortal man.
Knowing the man is coming toward him, Nathan slowly starts backing up against the cold concrete walls. The man, with all new senses, uses his new telekinetic ability to push others from the crowd aside. Charlie, being brave for the first and possibly final time in his life, attempts to stand in the way but is quickly subdued as he’s flung against the wall. Finally reaching Nathan, the man brings his gaze into a full on stare into Nathan’s soul. For Nathan, it’s as if death has come for him. Suddenly, the man’s gaze is ripped away by a familiar face of evil. Subject Zero heard the screams and came to claim his failed experiment.
This led to an all-out brawl between the two men. Anyone would describe it in the same way you would if two rabid dogs were fighting over food. One dog gets up after being ripped open and the other gets its face gashed by a hard hitting blow, yet they still fight. Only difference between the two, one is just a dog wanting its food and the other is trained to kill. Suddenly, with a vicious blow, Subject Zero wins the fight when he takes the man’s head and slams it so hard into the concrete floor that his skull cracks open causing blood, brains, and skull fragments to fly over the silent crowd.
With one final glance, Subject Zero looks over the entire crowd. He ends his gaze by making sure Nathan is the last to see his devilish eyes. Soon after, he leaves the room and locks the door. Nathan stares at the corpse lying on the ground with a look of pure terror and proceeds to collapse onto the floor while holding back tears.
The small concrete room soon fills with despair as everyone watches the tears of pain and fear run down Nathan’s face. Charlie tries to make his long-time friend feel a little more hopeful, although he soon gives up as well until he has a moment of realization. He remembers back to when they first were searching for information he had found an article with some intriguing details.
“Okay, so, there may be some hope after all.”
“Charlie, what hope is there? Huh?! You’re pretty much fucked and I don’t exactly see a way out of here.”
“One of the articles back at the house we were in said something about a self-destruct button. That’s also how you open the main doors. Apparently, no one ever bothered, or I guess, never got the chance to hit the self-destruct timer and run their asses to the door. What if we- I mean, YOU could actually do that?”
“Charlie, I already told you I don’t want to leave you behind.”
“GOD DAMN IT, NATHAN! I know… FUCK! I know. But I want you to survive. Can’t you just listen to me for once?! I would follow you through hell and back and it kind of feels that way right now. So? Can you just listen to what I want you to do for once while I’m practically on my deathbed?!”
“Okay! Okay…”
Suddenly, an unexpected chance of escape arrives at their feet. Subject Zero and a few of his mannequins walk in to remove the mutilated corpse from the room. Unexpectedly, one of the people in the crowd begins to scream out in pain just like the other man did moments ago before his demise. “Oh, great…” Subject Zero says irritated. Soon after, multiple others begin to scream out in pain until eventually the entire crowd follows suit. Nathan, and somehow Charlie have not been affected. The room quickly becomes engulfed in a hurricane of insanity. This leads Subject Zero and the mannequins to getting distracted by the madness and accidentally leaves the door open. Subject Zero quickly gets attacked by everyone in the room but he holds his ground firmly. Nathan knows this is the perfect chance to escape and signals Charlie to come with him. Charlie hesitantly comes along but right as they reach the door Nathan turns to hear the sounds of Charlie going through the worst pain of his life.
Nathan looks in confusion but quickly realizes he’s about to have to accept his friend’s fate. Nathan refuses to accept it, but he knows he needs to. Charlie suddenly lunges at Nathan and uses his last act of sanity and control to push him out the door.
“Get. To the button. Please.”
“Charlie, I- I’m-”
“I’m sorry…”
Charlie finally snaps and is engulfed in pure raging insanity. He lunges at Nathan but before he reaches him, Nathan, with teary eyes, slams the door onto his friend, turns, and begins running out into the seemingly vast wilderness. As he runs, Nathan hears the cries of a dozen men and women as they get ripped apart. Knowing that among them is his best friend, Nathan begins to cry as he continues to run away from his previous hell.
This is where the man in the tube, now known as Nathan White, stops due to bringing up too many memories. He's willing to finish his story with me but only if I get this part out to the world. If enough people care about his story, then he will finish it. Otherwise, he will give in to his new life in a tube. I'm far too curious to give up on his story so I hope people will care. For now, goodbye.

~First~
HHH/Herbert’s Hundred Harem AND Harriett The Spy
“Good evening Ladies, I am Mister Heron, you may refer to me as Mister Heron. Due to time being a thing, Young Master Jameson has gone home. He is after all very physically young and requires the appropriate amount of rest after all.” Mister Heron says as he enters the room. “I am his replacement. Any questions so far?”
“Did you use a laser to make sure everything on you was level.”
“A ruler actually.” Mister Heron states. “Now then, I assume you all want to know the fullness of what Young Master Jameson uncovered from his initial interrogation of Miss Tiaria Elsorana. She gave us a name and motivation, however she did so after breaking down unusually quickly, and the name she gave us is of a conveniently dead woman who cannot refute the claims.”
“And what did she claim?” A Council representative asks and Mister Heron holds up his communicator and sets a trinity of files to be openly available. Everyone’s device dings a bit to let them know that they’ve received them.
“Three videos for your perusal, the interrogation. A summation of what we found Blood Metal to do to a poor Slohb woman we found, and later caused an accidental disturbance, and a reassurance from Young Master Jameson that he is fine and simply came to the end of his workday.”
“Poor Slohb woman, you don’t mean that towering giant that nearly tore an entire frigate out of the sky with her hands alone before compacting into a car and vanishing!?”
“We do. Incidentally I have several suggestions to improve the aim of the local militia forces. Primarily by not acting like a child. There is NO excuse to miss with a laser of all things.” Mister Heron notes.
“I’m sorry, who are you again?”
“Command of Undaunted Intelligence shifts frequently and there is always an ‘assistant’ ready to take over at a moment’s notice. I am Herbert’s Assistant. He is the only individual with his identity publicly known.” Mister Heron says.
“But... we can see your face.”
“You can see A face, but I assure you, it is not MY face. It is simply the one I am using for the moment.”
“Because that wasn’t the creepiest possible answer.”
“It’s an exquisitely made latex mask that covers up my skin coloration, alters my apparent bone structure, coupled with contact lenses and a voice modulator and I am completely unrecognizable from who I truly am. Now are there further questions?”
“So who are you?”
“Who I am is classified. Not even Young Master Jameson knows it and I am one of his closest advisors and confidants. I am the second opinion whenever he makes a choice. I am the judge of his mental wellness when on the job. Yet he does not recognize me when I am outside of this mask.” Mister Heron states. Then he adjusts the sleeve of his coat a touch and rolls his neck. “Now then, I believe we were working to organize a full search of Centris to ensure all traces of Blood Metal were accommodated for? After all, if you would pay attention to the second video, you will see what it can do to a Slohb woman. I shudder to think of what it would do to something like a Gravia, or Lydris, or even imagine something like a more predatory species like a Dzedin or Apuk with some kind of horrific effect amplified upon them.”
He observes the effects of his words on the crowd and smiles tightly. “Yes indeed. A planetary panic ensued from the sheer relief of a single Slohb that was suffering under the effects of Blood Metal. I dare say that we should keep this substance highly illegal and warn the public that all known uses of it have horrific effects on the health of the subject.” Mister Heron advises.
Debate starts. Loudly. Mister Heron debates using an Air Horn. He does.
•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•
“So this is the big mysterious ship of The Dauntless! I was expecting something more exotic.” All Lady aka Diana Dewdrop says as she looks around. They had shaken the militia pursuit easily enough. Heron had gotten them off their backs and in the clear.
“Come on, this way so we can give you another look of health. You’re clearly excited, and healthier, but Doctor Gin is promising me gruesome death if I don’t get a follow up on your recovery.” Harriett says as she looks over her communicator and the series of messages she’s been getting. Many of them about how her damn incompetence is going to undo all his hard work... and the piddling efforts of Doctors Lorn and Howard. Even in simple texts the man was MEAN.
Diana is shown through the ship and into a medical bay where the Doctors are all there with another Giant Slohb rated surgical bed ready for her. Doctor Gin smells like he just went through an entire crate of smokes in the time it had taken for them to approach and clearly had a pack in his breast pocket.
“Now then, you’ve had some time with the Axiom and we need to make absolutely sure things rae clear so...” He begins to say before Diana pours out her core into the surgical bed without hesitation.
“I trust you.”
“Good. We’re doctors. That’s a big thing for us.” Doctor Gin says as he walks around and examines the crater. “This is filling in very quickly . Very smoothly as well. You’re fully incorporating the bumps and nodules?”
“I am.”
“That is healthy, but also has the side effect that any child you break away will be of similar stature to yourself.”
“That’s fine. I plan to party around for a few years and enjoy myself before settling to have a daughter... or a son. I expect I’ll be sticking around a lot of men in the near future.” Diana says.
“Oh? I take it we left a good impression then.” Doctor Howard states as he takes a sample of her freshly produced gel to quickly study with Doctor Lorn.
“Hmm let’s see... I’m not in pain, I don’t have an all consuming feeling of doom. I can relax for the first time in literal years and I’ve felt sunlight and tasted fresh air for the first time in just as long. So yes, very good impression.”
“Still, full incorporation of the nodules on your core is a big step. Are you certain it’s wise?” Doctor Gin asks.
“Uhm... okay, I need to put back my puppet and start on my report. But what are they talking about? You’re absorbing the bumps?”
“Each one of those nodules has a random assortment of vital organs required for a Slohb to survive. Once enough of the nodule is formed it begins to move away from the main body of the Slohb, forming more and more of the vital organs until it has all of them. At which point it moves further out and then severs entirely. Creating new life. However a multi-Slohb is what happens when this process is disrupted and the parent is the survivor, creating extra redundant organs and even brain matter for the parent. Hlo’Shabs are the result of this disruption destroying the parent instead. Rarer, but not unknown both are considered terrible luck in many Slohb societies. Hlo-Shab literally translating to Death Born and there is an entire whirlwind of slurs for a Multi-Slohb such as our patient here. Most of them translating to things like baby eater or death mother or the like.” Doctor Gin says as he quickly measures the nodules and nods.
“I’m incorporating them into myself fully, I tried with that horrible metal in me, but it really, really hurt. Incorporating them means that there’s less risk at the next budding. Each bump would have gotten in the way a little. A budding is best done from a perfectly round surface, and there are rounder asteroids than me now.” Diana says before her gel form smiles. “Still, I can now. I’m healing.”
“You’re recovering at a remarkable place, not in the category of a healing coma, but certainly faster than normal. You know the meditations?”
“I do, I looked up every technique I could to try and heal myself, but none of them worked beyond mental tricks to stay calm and focused. That horrible metal... it twisted and grew stronger on every Axiom effect I tried to use. So I had to look for different answers.” She says.
“So you’re using a regenerative meditation. Good. Those are well understood. Many higher ranking individuals avail themselves of the technique to rejuvenate themselves without security risk.” Gin notes.
“Wait, you’re meditating? Now? Where you meditating when you did the whole reach for the heavens routine?”
“I was. The thing about developing multiple brains is that it’s very, very easy to concentrate on many things at once.”
“And she has at least five fully developed neural nodes, to say nothing of partially developed ones. Short of a Lydris this woman is hands down the best multi-tasker in the galaxy.” Doctor gin noes as he brings out a light and turns it on.
The sheer brightness of the small hand light would be enough to turn midnight into midday and he shines it directly on Diana’s core. She shudders a little. “Oh don’t be a baby, you don’t have any organs vulnerable to this kind of light.”
“Still uncomfortable and unexpected!” Diana protests.
“Three two... one... done. Feel better now?” Doctor Gin asks before reaching into a small bowl and tossing a handful of hard candies into the gel on her core. “There, that should make baby feel better.”
“Are you always this much of an asshole?” Diana asks in shock.
“My job is to heal the sick, not pander to the healthy. You are healthy. Get out of my medical bay.” Doctor Gin says.
“Calm the fuck down Gin, we’re still testing.” Doctor Howard says and Gin huffs. “Oh go suck a fag if you’re so pissy.”
“What? What was so funny?” Diana asks. “He used a weird word but...”
“He used an English word that has two distinct meanings. In England a Fag is slang for a cigarette, a mild narcotic consumed by smoking. In America, Fag is slang for homosexual.”
“... So Doctor Gin is a homosexual? ... Can I watch?”
The room dissolves into laughter as Gin starts cursing under his breath. “What?”
“Doctor Howard was insulting Doctor Gin. The man is straight. At least I think he...”
“I have scalpels in arm’s reach and am one of the best dart players on the ship.”
“And I have skin so dense you’d need mono-molecular scalpels to bleed me.”
“I’m a doctor, I KNOW how to take a man apart.”
“And I’m a soldier. I’m practised in taking a man apart.” Jurgen counters.
“Don’t tempt me you oversized anatomy dummy. Doctor Howard? Doctor Lorn? Well?!”
“No chemical imbalances detected.” Doctor Howard states.
“No organic imbalances detected in the newly produced Gel. Full recovery. Already.” Doctor Lorn adds.
“Good, now out. Or do you need more candy little girl?”
“Little girl? My smallest bodypart is... You know what/ No. Not worth it. I’m leaving. I’m leaving doctor. Thank you for helping me but I’m out of here.”
“You’re in my hospital when you’re healthy and not a doctor, cleaner or nurse. Which means you might end up in the way of someone fighting for their life and desperate for help. So yes, leave. Now. You’re healthy and so thoroughly not my concern I can’t legally give a shit about you for...” He checks the nearest clock. “Three and a half more hours. Now get out.”
A few moments later Harriett, Jurgen and Diana are all outside the medical bay and the Giant Slohb, now writ small is in mild shock.
“He is really dedicated.” She notes.
“He is. He’s the kind of doctor who’s willing and able to track you down, pin you to the wall and force you to take your medicine. Because you’re HIS patient and you’re not allowed to die.” Jurgen says.
“You know him from before don’t you?”
“I do. I was a sampler for one of the early stills on the ship. There was an impurity in the drink that we didn’t detect with our slapdash tools and he was forced to make me vomit while in zero gravity so I wouldn’t die of whatever the hell I got. He spoke a lot, but only every ten words had something to do with what was wrong with me, the rest was how much of an idiot I was and he said enough for a university lecture.” He explains and Harriett snorts.
“Well as amusing as that is, we now have the all important questions as to...”
“What the hell are you still doing here?! Get away from the doorway! You don’t want some idiot to trip on you when they’re trying to get help you trio of twits!” Doctor Gin demands as he sticks his head out the doorway and rants at them.
“Lets go down to Intelligence and hammer things out from there. It’s close to the legal division so if you want help in that way we can give it to you easier and both Harriett and I need to report in anyways.” Jurgen says.
“We’ll probably run into Blanche, Heron is likely facing off with whoever or whatever Herbert was dealing with at the time.” Harriett remarks.
“I think he was facing a huge amount of representatives from the different organizations we’re trying to work with in the biggest and dumbest pissing contest on Centris.” Jurgen says.
“Yeah, jurisdictions may exist for a reason, but when others don’t respect those boundaries everyone gets pissy.” Harriett says.
“So... what happens with me?” Diana asks.
“Whatever you want. You feel like being a soldier?”
“I honestly think I need more of a break than anything else. But I need money and... hmm... I was a courier before everything went to hell. Do you have need of that.”
“Always. Sure we can teleport things, but doing that around a base is just inefficient. If you’re willing to be a runner then you go all over the place and people are almost always happy to see you.”
“I like the sound of that.” Diana notes.
~First~ Last

"Cancer, as known to the State of California, is this bag of roasted peanuts." Is what she said.
I wasn't paying attention anymore. I was staring instead at the goat.
I think that goat was actually Fred, and we just didn't know it yet.
We were still on our little detour when it started getting dark across the desert, rather quickly.
"I don't want to drive back in the dark. Let's stay in San Piana." Gloria had said.
That's when what appeared to be the same goat crossed our path.
I had to slam on the brakes, a cloud of road dust flowing over our vehicle and hovering over the road before us.
"I think that's the same goat." I said. I looked and saw it was atop someone's roof, staring down on us with red glowing eyes. I felt nervous while it looked at us, it's blackening silhouette against the evening sky looked sinister.
"Ew, I hate goats." Gloria got out her phone. "We have no reception out here."
I checked my phone - she was right.
"Let's find a place to stay for the night, then." I told her. We left our car parked in the middle of the dirt road leading into the village and took our bags to the nearest shack.
I banged on the door. A little old lady opened the door, with half her face looking like it would just fall off her skull at any moment. "Excuse me. We are travelling on our way to my sister's wedding, and we decided to drive this rental car. Now we are stuck here for the night, because the road back to civilization from this little detour is too dark and treacherous to drive back at night. So, we need to stay here tonight."
She said nothing, but reluctantly shuffled out of our way as we brought in our bags and made ourselves at home. I looked around at the little hovel, and despite looking like a primitive shack from the outside it was rather clean and tidy inside. "Not too bad. I thought it would be filthy in here."
"No vacancy." The old woman grumbled.
"Yes, of course. We have this little bed and breakfast exclusive to ourselves." I smiled, sat back in her rocking chair and put my dusty boots on the coffee table. The little old lady remained stoic, but I could tell she wasn't used to civilized folk. We took over the bedroom and left her on the couch, whining rather unprofessionally about her arthritis.
In the morning the lazy stiff had gone cold, forcing us to make our own breakfast. While we were eating, the village's chief showed up. He was wearing a brown button up shirt with a logo on it that vaguely looked like a county sheriff at a glance.
"Mrs. Summers has expired?" He noted the little old lady was still wrapped in an Afghan on her couch.
"Yeah, could you help me with that? She smells gross." I went to one end of the couch and indicated that I needed his help. He reluctantly assisted me while we took her and the whole couch outside and left her on the porch.
"Now I'll have to wait here with her until they can come get her. We have wild animals around here." Thoman sat, looking sad.
"Why the long face?" I asked.
"I just, it's sad she's gone. I've known Mrs. Summers since I was little. How'd she die?" He wondered.
I shrugged. "She was old?"
My wife brought out our bags, glaring at me for not helping.
"Well, we'll leave a nice review." I patted his shoulder and then left him there.
We tried to drive out of San Piana, but as we turned around, we couldn't quite find the road that led back the way we had come. We circled around for awhile while the villagers came out to see what we were doing. We waved as we drove past them and finally I stopped and asked how to get out of town.
They all pointed in eerie unison, with weird blank looks on their faces. I was feeling a little bit creeped out by them.
I was about to roll up my window, but never did.
As we were about to go, the goat came running at me from nowhere and ran its horns into the driver's tire. I never would have believed a goat could puncture rubber with its horns and tear it open like that. The whole car was being lifted on the impale, the goat bleating angrily.
When it was done it trotted away like nothing had just happened. Suddenly the airbags deployed.
"Help!" We were shouting for help. The villagers just stood there, staring at us.
"You are chosen by Azazel. You shall carry our sins, and the rotten soul of Mrs. Summers with you, out into the desert." Thoman was suddenly at my driver's side window like a jump scare. I was so surprised I gave him a high-pitched bark and almost slapped him. After the goat attack my nerves were shot.
"Your goat did that! You'll pay for the damage!" I proclaimed.
"All in good time." Thoman said with certainty.
I got out of the car, my knees wobbling from the scares. "What sort of place you running here? I want to see the manager!" I shoved Thoman and yelled.
"You will see Him." Thoman's eye's looked like goats' eyes when he said: 'Him'. I felt a chill, despite the warm desert sun.
I got back into the car and said to Gloria. "There's something wrong with this place."
She said nothing and I looked to her seat, empty. "Gloria?"
I got back out and looked around for her, seeing that the streets were now empty. Everyone had gone back inside their shacks. Gloria was nowhere in sight. I began walking around, banging on doors, looking in windows and searching for her, demanding to be told where she was. The villagers all played dumb, shrugging and acting like they didn't know any English.
As the minutes began to add up and I couldn't find her, a cold sweaty panic burst out of me. For about an hour I just ran around the place, looking desperately for her. When it got hot out and I was exhausted, I found myself sitting on the front porch of Mrs. Summers.
Thoman came walking up. "There you are. I had to come find you, see if I can help."
"Where's Gloria?" I asked, exhausted.
"I'm sure she's around somewhere." Thoman lit a smoke and looked at the empty couch. "Looks like Mrs. Summers has gone missing."
I looked and saw her corpse was removed, leaving only her shroud and some suspicious pawprints, like a team of oversized coyotes had dragged her away when nobody was looking. I shrugged.
"Gloria is missing." I pointed out. Thoman nodded as he realized I couldn't care less about the local wildlife problems.
"People go missing sometimes. They always get found sooner or later." Thoman said, somehow mirroring my attitude about the missing old woman, but regarding Gloria. I started feeling hostile towards him.
"Do you know where she is?" I stood up, trembling and sweating.
"Of course, but it won't do you no good. She can't be found if she doesn't want it." Thoman blew smoke at me, dropped his smoke and crushed it underfoot until it was a mess of tobacco, ashes, paper and the filter. "Still there."
He dusted his hands off on his jeans and walked away, leaving me there looking at the whisp of smoke hovering ephemerally over the ruined cigarette. I heard coyotes howling in the distant hills in the middle of the day, I heard wind chimes making discordant sounds, I heard the bleating of the goat sound like laughter and then the cackling of the old woman who I knew was dead.
I sat, and from my feet a numbness of fear began to climb up my legs like tarantulas. My skin was like braille, and my sweat ran in rivulets into stains darkening on my clothes. My eyes stared, listening to the desert while it spoke the name of its lord. I was afraid, I knew I was against something that wanted to eat me, somehow.
"Where are you?" I asked Gloria, my voice a dry cracking sound. I went into the old woman's shack and poured some of the iced tea she had made at some point before she died. It tasted like tomatoes with a hint of almonds and made me feel sleepy. While I walked to the couch, I dropped the glass and fell over.
Darkness made me blink, my eyes darting around for any source of light. All around me, in the midnight desert, candles stood upon cooled-melted stands made of old wax - atop human skulls. I was tied naked to a cactus, my body seemed to be covered in writing done in ketchup.
There was a humming sound of many human voices, not an unpleasant sound, except in the circumstances it frightened me to know I was surrounded by people humming in unison. Gloria was standing at one end of the triangle, holding a Nosegay Bouquet like it was some kind of offering towards the darkness. She wore nothing but an open hooded robe of shimmering crimson and scarlet.
I always find my wife exciting, so despite her betrayal, I still think she looked hot as a Satanic priestess. I'm pretty lucky.
The third corner of the triangle was an old woman wearing the skin of an oversized coyote, and also slippers made of coyote feet. She howled dramatically and her voice was answered by a disembodied growling from all around us.
I peed myself in terror, glad I wore nothing to absorb it. Instead, it just ran down my leg and collected under my left foot. I wanted to scream, but I felt weak and frightened, unable to do more than whimper pathetically in mortal dread. Gloria looked at my mess and smiled weirdly at me.
"Azazel, take from our community our sins, take our sins to the desert. Leave us another six years of peace. We offer you the slaughter of the scapegoat. Lord of the wilderness, accept our humble sacrifice." The gathered creeps were saying their prayer slowly in unison. They repeated it word-for-word again and again, long into the night.
Something was coming closer, something was coming. All around us desert creatures hopped and leapt and swooped, chittering, yipping, barking and hooting. Thousands of beetles, centipedes, tarantulas, snakes, scorpions, mice and crickets swarmed everywhere except the hot wax and flames of the candles. I cried and shivered, moaning in horror as the creatures crawled all over me.
The glowing eyes, a shade of golden brown, loomed from the darkness. As the shape of the entity formed in my mind around the darkness it was cloaked in, sleep overwhelmed me. I straight up fainted at the sight of Azazel.
The early dawn found me in the back of our rental car, driving on a spare. Gloria was driving, getting us to her sister's wedding on-time. "Why?" I choked out a word.
"I wouldn't bother, but his business is in jeopardy. When we cross the border into that state, we are in the territory of one of the most corrupt governments on the planet. Technically, California is part of the United States in name only. Everyone knows their government is run entirely by criminals. The new laws will eliminate her new husband's franchises. They'll lose everything and have to live with us. I hate my sister, you know that." Gloria enlightened me to her insane political opinion and family drama, without answering my question.
"You're telling me all that was about burgers and ketchup?" I wheezed, needing a drink.
"With this -" Gloria held up the bridal bouquet "My lord will bless their union. She cannot be made poor by the dealings of other devils. They are all on the same team, you know."
"Team McDonald?" I asked.
"Team Humanity. They just want what's best for us." Gloria explained.
"Demons want what's best for us?" I tried not to sound too incredulous.
"No. You are missing the point. Humans make the sins, they just feed. They are fair, if you ask them for a favor. They'll take care of you."
"Like getting someone elected?" I guessed.
"Yes. Exactly." Gloria agreed. I stared out at the scenery of Angel's Crest National Monument as we drove.
We arrived at the wedding and I kept thinking about how good Gloria looked as some kind of Satanist last night. I requested we spend some married couple time together and she considered it, but said we had no time for such things. She promised we'd spend some quality time together after the wedding, provided I play for her team.
"I can't promise anything." I said honestly to her. For whatever faults I have, I do insist on being honest with my spouse.
We parked in the alley and got ourselves ready to go into the wedding, still looking like we were out all night, despite twenty minutes of details.
"We need to get going." Gloria urged me. I was still fiddling with my tie in the passenger's mirror, since the driver's side one had a crack in it already. I kept reminding myself how this car was a rental, as the thought was easily slipping my mind under the stress I was feeling.
I hate weddings.
We went in and the place was simultaneously too loud with all the murmuring and too quiet with all the whispering. I kept hearing words of profanity and would look up to see if any of the holy statues were reacting. No weeping or bleeding.
It really freaks me out when statues cry and bleed and have flesh underneath when they get damaged. I'm pretty sure there are actual religious orders where they entomb their saints alive, after eating a diet of herbs meant to sedate and preserve the corpse sealed inside. Not too freaky, but I am just one person being judgmental, aren't I? I realize I am sorta disrespecting their whole culture in a way, and that's not how I mean for it to sound. It's just not for me - I get scared - that's all you need to know.
The blurry way the statues looked had me standing in front of the bride's aisle while everyone was wondering what I was looking at with that look on my face. I'd provided the distraction Gloria needed to ensure absolutely nobody except her saw her make the switch of the bouquets. She had an exact copy of her sister's bouquet, unironically.
Out behind the church we met and she had started a small fire in a coffee tin with holes around the bottom rim. She closed the knife she'd used and used the longneck lighter to get a couple candles going on the side.
"Hurry, someone might see us." I said as loudly as I dared, half hoping someone would hear me and look around the corner. I couldn't help it, part of me was against whatever we were doing. I still felt nervous, nervous we'd get caught or that we'd get away with it. My anxiety had me holding my hands like I was warming them to the fire.
"And white goes softly into flames, and black comes the smoke, pure and thick." Gloria dropped the blessed flowers into the flames.
"Uh, amen." I coughed.
"Let's go watch her get married." Gloria growled.
We went in and there was a wedding that happened while we were in our seats.
While most people were on their phones, texting or whatever they were doing, others actually watched the wedding.
I looked around and saw how some people were observing the ceremony. I too was looking at it, but trying not to. I knew I was seeing something there that they weren't, and it was pretty scary because I knew it was real. Therefore, it was invisible to all of them except me.
I leaned over to my wife and asked her: "Who is the goat up there with them?"
"That's Fred, she's like a bridesmaid." Gloria whispered back.
"Fred is a girl goat?" I asked.
"I can arrange for you to have visits from Fred, Sweetea, if that's something you're into." Gloria teased me weirdly, but I didn't really find it that amusing, just creepy. The last thing I wanted was to be haunted by an invisible goat-demon.
"Ew, no thanks." I said.
When the bouquet was tossed, Gloria caught it. She'd run in, shoving all the maidens like a quarterback. Some of them had fallen and gotten serious scrapes and bruises. Her sister yelled at her, but Gloria just looked at me and we took off around the corner and went for our car.
"Why aren't we leaving?" I asked.
"This has to be under her bed on her wedding night. My sister is a virgin, she has to be given to her new husband first." Gloria waved the bouquet in front of me, gripping it the same way she had gripped her foldable dagger earlier when she'd cut the coffee can.
"I have a feeling you mean Azazel." I gulped, realizing I couldn't go that far with her. I had to find a way to stop this.
"What's that?" Gloria asked me sharply.
"I'd best dealing be with Azazel?" I tried to change what I'd said, botching it horribly.
"No, you said something else." My wife said firmly, and frowning. I had a feeling my bed had just gone cold, and it scared me as much as the devils, because as I mentioned, Gloria is what's best in my life.
"I don't like this." I admitted. I also mentioned I really don't lie to her.
"She won't know the difference." Gloria smiled a little bit, a kind of evil villain-styled smile. I found it too sexy.
"Either way, it's wrong. I'm not sure exactly how, but it seems super perverted and evil and I won't allow it." I proclaimed.
Gloria slammed on the breaks and flicked out her knife and held it to my throat. "Get out."
I was left standing by the side of the road with my bags as she sped away, driving to some unknown honeymoon destination to put some cursed flowers under her sister's bed to summon some kind of husband demon for her wedding night. I'm pretty sure I had to stop this from happening.
"You still fighting the good fight?" Ronald McDonald stepped out from where he was waiting to catch a bus.
"I love my wife to death, but she is trying too hard to ruin her sister's wedding." I sat on my bags, feeling tired and my eyes watering.
"Don't cry." Ronald McDonald told me. "You got to man up right now. This is your chance to set things right."
I sniffled and tried to smile for Ronald McDonald. He smiled back and we shared a moment on that desolate highway.
"I've got something for you." He told me. He handed me a toy from a happy meal I'd gotten as a kid, the Muppet Baby Fozzie. I assembled his armor and put him on horseback. When I looked up, Ronald McDonald had caught the bus and was waving goodbye to me.
That's when the tears started. I knew I had to step up and stop her. I wiped 'em on my handkerchief and got my phone out of my pocket. I used the app we had to find where she was, after figuring out how to use the darn thing.
Then I used another app to summon a professional getaway driver named Breeze. She arrived in less than four minutes, the sound of her engine in earshot for the whole last minute as she took the three miles of road between us with fury. We said nothing to each other. I showed her the destination and the review I'd already written and nine one-hundred-dollar bills and she gave me a hand signal I guess meant we were in business. We caught up to Gloria and then I found the only likely honeymoon spot, a desert view bed and breakfast, of course.
We got ahead of Gloria and Breeze accepted her payment and vanished into thin air, leaving only burning tire tracks in her wake. I reached into the newlyweds open car and released the parking brake. With a muscle-pulling, ankle-twisting, hernia-inducing, disk-slipping effort I got the darn car moving, with the toy in my pocket making me pretend I could do this. I got their vehicle into the ditch, out of sight.
I went into the bed and breakfast and checked the guest registry. I was sweating and my suit was coming loose all over. I was limping and groaning, although I wasn't feeling what I'd done to myself yet. I looked at the names. They were here.
With the page torn out I started a new entry for the weekend and made up a couple fake names before the owner found me there.
"Uh, sorry." I said. I set the toy on the counter and fled.
I watched from the bushes while Gloria went in. See, I find simple plans without a lot of moving parts work best in any situation. Gloria found no evidence she'd come to the right place. The owner was already freaking out and gave her a stern goodbye.
Gloria tried to call her sister but got nothing. As she drove away my terrified state began to subside. I collapsed in the bushes, sleeping with a butterfly on my eyelash keeping me company.
"You did this." Gloria was saying. I was in the back seat of the rental again. She was smoking, and she'd smoked enough that the little strip had turned yellow, indicating we would be charged a cleaning fee for the damages. There was no ashtray, so she was just putting them out on the dashboard, leaving little burns and ash everywhere.
Her phone chimed and I saw she was chatting with one of her old boyfriends. She made sure I saw this. I rolled my eyes. It's not like we'd spent twenty years married. Her interrogation techniques needed improvement, especially since she would know - I don't lie to her. I'd never seen her smoke, not that I could remember, not for a long time.
I was under a lot of stress, but as I thought about it, she was smoking the whole trip.
My mind played a weird montage of all her light-ups. I felt like it needed a theme, so I hummed the theme to that show we were just watching. Then I looked at her and stopped humming, humming that cue for the other person who hums to hum along, you know what I mean. There should be a word for that kind of cue, probably is, but I'm not fluent in music vocabulary.
She didn't get it, but instead got mean and lifted her hand like she wanted me to stop humming because it was annoying or something. I stopped.
"You're not even Gloria." I complained.
"Took you long enough." The creature grinned.
My mind went wild with terror, as I realized she was some kind of horrible demon disguised as Gloria. She handed me the toy from McDonald's and it started to melt, becoming warped and evil looking. Her laugh sounded like a stretched audio recording of a laugh, all distorted and demonic, exactly like the best horror movie foley artists make it sound, and making me pee from my frozen spine bone and dry eye sockets staring till my eyes hurt.
Demonic laughter is unforgettable, a kind of maddening sensation, like something is being ripped out of you suddenly, a painful disorientation that you never quite stop feeling dizzy from. Its an ache, an unhealing wound of the psyche, always oozing and causing me some kind of misery. It lives there, like a tiny flea, too small to squish or catch, in its hole, in my mind.
Weirdly enough, the horrible little toy it gave me contains it, and that is why it must never be touched, for although it is a burnt figurine, it imprisons a part of the wilderness of souls.
I held it there, and looked up at the not Gloria. She looked just as relieved and bewildered as I felt. She was Gloria again, I could tell it was her.
"Where is it?" She asked me.
I held up the toy, having already dropped it into the burnt coffee tin to contain the prison for the sound that the demon had become when I'd listened to it, pretending to be my wife, therefore listening to my wife also.
"How's that work?" Gloria asked me, sobbing. She wanted reassurance it wasn't going to take control of her ever again.
"Well, we are in this together for better or worse." I figured I'd say.
"We weren't helping it. It already got me, using my hate for her against me. Remember when we got the wedding invite?"
"I thought it was weird there was a goat with glowing red eyes drawn on that." I pointed out.
"I never really wanted to hurt her." Gloria felt awful. I hugged her close and kissed her forehead.
"I'm the one who got hurt." I reminded her.
We went over all the things like cactus and such that I'd suffered, dehydration, scares, murder and mayhem, dagger stabbings, cannibalism, arson and demons. It was agreed I was the hero in all this, and I finally got some ketchup on Satan's burger.
It was delicious.