Feel great day after adderall

I can’t live like this anymore and I’m putting it out into the world that I will call my doctor Monday to get help.
My doctor has begged me in the past to go on medication but I’m scared of side affects. Yep, I am anxious over the anxiety medication.
I am currently on vacation with my husband in Anguilla, our favorite place. Went on a great boat ride today- probably had too much sun and a couple too many cocktails, which affected my appetite. We got pizza take out from our favorite place but I didn’t each much. I’ve been worried all night that I will feel faint from not eating enough. I was fine all night until 20 minutes ago. Laying in bed watching tv with my husband dozing next to me, I started to suddenly feel lightheaded and dizzy, which triggers the rapid heart rate, nausea, shaking, etc. that goes into one of my panic attacks (dizziness is my main symptom and trigger). It’s probably because I didn’t eat my usual amount of food for dinner.
I start shoving food in my mouth- crackers, a piece of candy, a piece of chocolate chip cookie, even a spoonful of peanut butter. I wish I had juice here like at home, but I don’t.
I now can’t tell if I am like this because I legitimately need to eat, or if it’s my panic. I had a terrible panic attack here two nights ago from feeling sick after dinner due to the humidity (I also have emetophobia which is worse when I’m not at home). It’s sad that I can’t distinguish between a real issue and my panic.
I can’t do this anymore. I have had a lot of stress at home in the last few months- my mom selling her place and moving (I am an only child and coordinated it all), starting a new job, etc. I used to handle stress well but not anymore. I had a terrible panic attack after my mom’s move two weeks ago after I came off of a work trip. I almost made the doctor’s appointment but hung up the phone. Not on Monday.
My husband is a saint for dealing with me like this, especially on vacation. He is very understanding and supportive and I know he wants me to go on medication because he sees that my anxiety is out of control.
Anyway, that’s my rant.

So it all started before he worked at taco bell. I messed up his order. When he came in the first time ordering a 12 taco party pack. And it ended up being where the 600 lb cook in the back and ended up eating all the tacos. Because there were 12 tacos that were basically unaccounted for. Because I put in the wrong order. I believe or it was the wrong type of taco or something along those lines so he ended up eating them basically. He came in with his cousin. But it appeared like he came in with his husband. And kids. They have lots of kids. Because he has kids and his cousin has kids. So they look like two husbands with lots of kids. My mother had to clock herself out and break out. Because she doesn't serve people who are gay and married with children. She will have a whole fit. Tell them that they're living a whole fantasy and that they're not real and all this nonsense. So it is best for her to just take a seat. Which is why I took their order. And that's their order of accidentally.
After that. I specifically saw him at the pizza parlor. Where he was working at the primm casino. And he was very knowledgeable about the pizzas. Very helpful. And so forth very accommodating pretty much a very good service individual.
A few days later. I saw that he had tried to turn in his application at my job. This was a day when we had two of the co-workers specifically very high out of their minds. At least the two co-workers in charge that day. Because on Fridays there were only two people in charge. A shift lead and a guy who kind of like in waiting. But yeah they were both high out of their minds. And very busy. So I felt like the application was not going to go anywhere anyway. Besides probably in the trash. I tried to put it in the office where Nik could see it. But I don't even know if he ended up being able to see his application.
Anyway what ended up happening was in this city we all lived in the same apartment complex. So I saw him I think two more times and then he came into the store two more times. And one of the times I saw him in person at the apartment complex. I specifically show them when the general manager would be available. And literally set up a time for him. After I had talked to the general manager and told him that I was getting this guy Tyler to him for him to interview.
The reason I tried for him. Was specifically because the prim casino was closing. Meaning that the employees probably didn't have any choice there. And considering he had all those kids so I believed and considering that at that place that apartment complex you have to have a job. In order to stay there. It seemed like it was important for him to get the job. That was my reason. On top of the fact that at the pizza parlor he was a good worker. It ain't nothing to do with me at all liking them in that way. I never liked him. It was just specifically that I felt like well he got kids he's in this apartment complex. That will victim if he doesn't have a job pretty soon. and he was a good worker from what I could tell.
After the interview though my general manager Nik try to imply that I must like him or something. Because why that did I try to push for him to get hired. When it was simply because he was a hard worker from what I could tell and he had kids. From what I could tell. And he was at a job that was going to end soon. Meaning at in the private apartments you have to have a job. They will evict you in like 72 hours. Who wants to see kids being evicted in 72 hours for not having a job. Like realistically to me I didn't want to see that. Considering they were my next door neighbors anyway.
Anyway I ended up quitting. I quit the job. Because it was in the middle of my whole situation where I spent 18 days. Working Day today. And people like my general manager were yelling at me and telling me how terrible I was for missing an hour of work. I ended up putting a quit letter in. And that went sour. Because I put it in speaking pretty crass. Because I was like hey it's over. I can just talk like a regular person. So I started talking about stuff. But I wasn't specifically cursing anyone out. I was specifically like saying what I did for a living outside of this job. Which is in the phone sex industry basically. And saying something about my give a damn is busted. Things of that nature. Which ended up where the message got taken out. And said it was an offensive message. So everybody thought I was cursing them out. Which was the side issue. I remember being a little sad about quitting because I wanted to work with him and I thought he would be fun to work with. And also being like oh well you know I'm quitting but I got you a good one. Kind of thing.
Well I got rehired. A couple months later. During the summer. And I've worked there since. For a year. Never been times where the coworker I tried to get hired Tyler acts like Oddish. He says he's autistic so maybe that's it? For example I was just trying to talk about my ex who was a prostitute. And he got all uncomfortable. But the problem with that situation was I specifically had just talked to Angela and Victor about the same thing. Telling them about how massage therapists are really prostitutes. And how my ex was really a prostitute all that time and I had no clue about it. And how my roommate just let me in on knowing that massage therapist basically means a prostitute.
And like another time I was specifically just saying I didn't like anyone I was working with at the time. And then they got all fussy. When I tripped accidentally said that I did but I wasn't meaning him or angelee I was meaning Lucas who I wasn't working with. After that he started acting oddly too.
For example I had to run late yesterday so I had to take an Uber. On the right there. I took a photo and I was surprised because one of my eyes turned yellow. And I was like what the heck. My eyes are black. So how are my eyes yellow in the photo. Because of the lighting. Flash right on my eye. With the sun flashing in the way it did. It was like a direct lighting. But it was like a strip of light that basically hit my eye. So then that let me to download a color detector and a color picker. Just to determine the color I was looking at. So then what colors came up were fawn tan and camel. I look up these colors. And it says yellow. And then I look up fawn colored eyes. And it literally says hazel. So then I'm confused. Ask you why I have hazel eyes in the sun. In direct strip lighting but I got black eyes every other time. And every other normal lighting. So when I get to work. I basically ask my coworkers. Because all my coworkers have black eyes too. If they also get yellow eyes when they look at the sun. And pretty much it seemed like nobody really agreed with that. And people seem like they're uncomfortable and angry because I asked that question.
He specifically acted like I was somehow doing something or making him uncomfortable especially when I showed him the photo. Very odd because I wasn't trying to say they were pretty. Or anything along those lines. This was the day I didn't tell my hair. I let my hair just stay like stick stuck up weird. Because I didn't have enough time to get ready for work. The photo was taken completely makeup list. I mean I washed my face. And put some sunscreen on. That's all I did. And I had hair all over my uniform. This wasn't a flattering photo.and I wasn't trying to imply anything about my eyes. Especially since normally they're black. So I wasn't trying to say they were pretty either. It was just me looking at my picture and being like is this actually brown or is it Amber or Hazel or what the heck is it? That was my question. I only have my pair of eyes. I don't have anyone else's to see if the lighting is different on other Brown eyes. Am I like the one with yellow tint in my eyes. When bright sunlight hits it. Is that a sign of not being actually brown-eyed. Or what? Like that was my question. But he seemed to take it completely differently. I ended up talking to Justin about it. Who explained to me that he had brown eyes all his life and then he found out that he had green eyes when he looked into the sunlight. And that it was a normal occurrence for people with very dark eye color of different colors than brown. Basically. He did not seem like that was a weird question or that was wrong for me to bring this up. To him. So I don't get why the other guy seem to react a little negatively to me but he's done that before with other conversations on other things which is just weird to me.
Personally for me. When it comes to men I like I would never ask that question as I've said before I tried telling to make me a bacon grilled cheese burrito got stuck in mid sentence and had to go on the intercom to ask Sidney to tell him. I don't talk to people I'm attracted to about simple things I actually need. I stuttered and if I'm friendly I'm whining mostly. No way I'd be talking about my eye color to anyone I was attracted to. I don't even like to look people in the eyes. If I am attracted to them. So I would not be talking about my eyes at all. Because a part of me feels like if they look in my eyes. They'll realize I like/want them so yeah the last thing I'd be talking about is my eyes.
Even thinking back to a past coworker sam who I mildly was odd and about a coworker misty who didn't like to work her job. Barely came into work. And all I ever saw of her was on the crew app. And she had some blue eye contacts in. So then the first time I finally saw her. She didn't have her eye contacts in and I was confused how she was the same person because she didn't have blue eyes anymore. This was in front of a guy I was sorta fond of ever so VERY mildly. And Sam kept trying to tell me to look at his eyes and how they were green or whatever and I wouldn't look/completely ignored him. So even if I have to talk about someone's eye color I still won't reference or look or talk at a person's eye color or talk about it with a person I'm even mildly attracted to. Even if the topic was someone else's eye color I won't talk about it with someone I'm attracted to even if it's mildly.
What is weird he acts uncomfortable about conversations that I've had with other people. Who don't take it that way. Which is why it leads me to think maybe he still thinks that I like him in some way because of how he got here in the first place? I've tried to mention this like a couple times. To different coworkers. That I didn't. Like him. Specifically to just put that out there.
Most of my coworkers know that I only like men who are white. Specifically. And he's not white. Also a lot of other things but I'm not going to pick apart a person.
Anyway if he does think this how do I correct it? Because he acts uncomfortable with many conversations I have just fine with other people.

Rest days are days where you choose to ignore the dishes in the sink, or the basket filled with laundry. Being lazy on purpose shouldn't make you feel guilty if it gives you even a little relief. These days should be had at least once a week. I find Saturdays to actually be better rest days than Sundays, because for me, the absence of the anxiety of Monday responsibilities greatly increases the enjoyment of my rest day.

I am not new at my job and am in the "good books" with my boss. My boss hired a new manager less than a month ago who became good pals with the other managers who does not like me as a person and I have always felt dismissed going to them with questions. I have sensed and seen a shift in the way people look at me here and how relaxed they are around me. One of my good work friends whose been there a long time (feels dismissed too) said that the new manager said how shes heard from the other manager how much the boss doesnt like her. and I feel shes trying to get all the others on her side, and the ones who I know have made jealous comments of my position (like saying how much my job must suck, or how boring it must be) who were nice to me before are now becoming openly more hateful of me, ignoring my waves, and saying more things about how fun their job is and how much mine sucks.
There are many people who have blamed me for things like pay errors etc in the past when I have continuously clarified to them that my job is to scan papers and send and I have no control over anything to do with pay and have no authority regarding decisions. more and more my job obligations have been taken away from me, and new rules which I have not been notified about and which were not a problem before are being thrown in my face and I have battled some and won because the rules were dumb anyways.
new manager is very fake towards me, in tense conversations with her she will start smiling with a fake enthusiastic "Okay!" and has rolled their eyes hard and blatantly a few times when I ask them a work question, and has never asked me anything about my job or for help, but has asked where i live and it caught me off guard. Then the other time they said something to me it was "I wish I had a printer in my office" while using my printer. When most of my job requires scanning, sending and printing things and theirs does not. Then the next day the printer was left open and I could not scan anything.
People do small things to sabotage me and make me feel isolated such as people going behind my back and making changes in my department without consulting me, very petty things but things which take the joy out of my day. Like wanting to dig up flowers i planted and replanting new flowers, I confronted them about it and said they meant a lot to me and they said "Ohhh.. I have other more important priorities im dealing with to even start on that project" and its like they completely ignore that its my place that Im supposed to maintain. this person has always come into my office to tell me how excited the new program they are working on is or about a serious-sounding meeting they were allowed to work from home on. No interest in what I do, and if it is its for knowing something like “oh are you allowed to do this/do you have access to this software etc”. A lot of people now do this with me.
I am very young to be in this position and these managers are all many years older than me. I have always been a cheerful jolly person who likes to work and cares about the quality of work I do, I have tons of ideas to make things better but they all get dissmissed and shot down or eye rolled. I cant get these work problems out of my head at home and its difficult to concentrate on schoolwork. So this week I have become a jaded, all buisness, direct person, who doesnt smile at those people anymore, doesnt play into the fakeness. Now the manager was touching my shoulder trying to act nice and said “Im glad you got your blah blah blah figured out” and I say “thank you I appreciate it ____” and I will not let my guard down around these people but try to engage in work banter and stay positive for the real ones.
Now people are saying when I say “I hope you have a relaxing weekend” they say “I hope YOU have a relaxing weekend”. I feel I have to watch everything I say now and I document everything.
Some other main things that are issues
1. how every other persons office has a lock, but mine does not and my office contains every staff members SIN number, addressess, banking information, easily accessible in an unlocked file drawer etc. I have asked multiple times and I am always dissmissed.
2. I was given a new desk chair for office which replaced the 15 year old creaky chair and this year I return and the new chair was taken for new managers office and I have a cheap collapsible chair from walmart plus my old one.
3. is that my office and department i manage has horrible wifi and its the place where we deal with customers directly and our internet bug out and they spend 200 a month on our internet whereas i found out the managers personal quarters has new high end wifi and the office of the goon who one ups me (their job is something that brings us no revenue whatsoever and the boss just keeps throwing $ into it) and for our place the boss will CONSIDER getting it done. Which makes no sense, and i am not a qualified tech person but here I am on the phone with tech people for hours trying to fix the issues and they keep reiterating how we need to upgrade our internet and my boss wont listen when I say that even they said it.
4. I was asked by the new manager to bring my personal computer to work because the one employee (whispered they were going to strangle me this week, has early dementia, and smokes weed on the job and makes entire place smell of weed every day and threatens me every day saying they have dirt on me and my boss knows and he involved HR) doesnt have computer so I was asked to provide my personal to use so we can both do training, however the manager has a work computer she can let this employee use for the hour of training and I dont feel comfortable letting them use my personal computer or even my work computer with my work email. Those things are direct reflections of me. I was an idiot and said sure but I want to go there monday and say I have thought about it and I dont feel comfortable and if that will be an issue I will involve the boss.
5. people walk right into my office and make a mess in it and never put anything away, and my department has become a place where people leave all their personal stuff and dont come grab it. I have said to everyone multiple times a week to stop doing that and they have not listened once and will get visibly annoyed and look at eachother when I tell them that it is frustrating how they do not pick up their things and put things back where theyre supposed to be. I sound like a broken record its been happening ever since i started in that position but it was never an issue when someone else was in that position and they respected her.
More and more I am bombarded with emails of people getting me to do things that arent my job, I am having to figure out how to do things all by myself, and I am the one who faces the brunt of the blame for things I never did. But for some reason people have automatically assumed I am the one who runs those things despite how I always say the same thing “No, I dont handle that, thats what so and so does” and it causes a lot of tenseness and people holding grudges against me that they talk amongst themselves about and I do not know what they say behind closed doors. However the manager’s position, people give them all the credit for good things and they imply im responsible for the bad things when other's decisions where passed to me to relay back to them (not in my control) when I perform my job excellently and thoroughly and this new manager has not been meeting their obligations, in their office closed door all day (no typing noises or any movement whatsoever) twirling their thumb and will blow smoke up boss’ ass. I wonder if they are sitting in there trying to listen for me to make a mistake. Their job btw is supposed to be managing all departments, office work is secondary. They have gone up to what Im doing and stare and say "Im just being nosy" and will stand behind me while i enter passwords into my computer etc.
I am concerned this new manager will try sabotaging me (or is in the process of) and turn the boss against me, so I have been keeping documentation of what people say to me and what I accomplish in a day and keep things high level. My boss is young, and easygoing and they have been taking advantage of him and hes been giving them more and more authority over things. He has always really liked me and I have always respected him and acknowledged his authority over me and always been transparent with him.
I am a reasonable, flexible person who takes accountability and corrective action for their wrongdoings, treats people fairly and gives credit where credit is due, praising people for a good job, and will always take issues seriously and try to make people feel their needs have been met, but I have been taken advantage of, and other people who care even more for me recieve the same treatment as me, and with the same coldness by these lazy managers. But the managers will treat everybody else great and like to show them warmth right in front of me that I have always been excluded from.
I have heard someone say recently “dont be unique, dont be outstanding, do the bare minnimum and get out” and I have taken it to heart, however if I do not do an outstanding job everyday the whole place falls apart because my staff think im asking them for a favor when i tell them to get off their phones and do their job, I do their job for them and my job on top of it, all whilst working with outdated slow technology that no other manager has to put up with.
Because everyone takes them seriously, because i am 20 and they are much older. I hate my job. I hate the position it puts me in, and I hate how people ask me how much I make or try to find out from other people. But they wouldnt dare do that to the others. That is my personal experience working at this job. I have made many mistakes before, but they have been small and I have always had good intentions, just no standard operating protocol has been laid out to me of my job requirements and so I have had to teach myself a lot of my job and justify my actions a ton because I was never given direction on how to handle such a very individual uncommon circumstancial situation. I never get to partake in any of the fun either. last year at the staff day I was the one who kept working while they all had a jolly time and I got no thanks or nothing, just saying "oh I wish you couldve been there."
I am looking for advice on how to approach things going forward, and I would like to clarify that I am not a smartass at work, I know my writing talks highly of myself but i have invested so much unpaid time into this place, so many favors being done, so manyinconvieniences for myself because I want to make sure things run smoothly while I am not there and make sure my staff do not feel lost on what to do. I try to make things so easy for them. I feel very used alone hurt disrespected and walked all over. If me and those 4 others all walked out tomorrow the whole place would fall apart. Any advice would be appreciated.

... spoiler alert!!! It DID NOT go well.
I have been friends with this person for six years. Six years of my life. Over that time, I have been obsessed with him (of course, it has ebbed and flowed in that time). We had both been in relationships, on and off, and I saw him yesterday in person as the only time we have both been single at the same time.
We had a great day! He came from out of state. We spent all day together and seemingly neither of us wanted it to end. We laughed and chatted and drank. I didn't work up the courage to say anything to him in person, so after he left I told him how I felt.
He hit me with the 'I don't want to ruin our friendship, I value you as a friend too much etc. etc.' - obviously trying to let me down easy.
Fuuuuuark this sucks. I had completely idealised how this might go in my head after years of waiting, and it was not like this. I somehow cannot believe that the person I had always felt like I had this magic connection with does not feel the same way. I feel like I completely have to renegotiate how I live my life, as dramatic as it sounds, it's like this person was implanted in my head while I went about my daily activities and my life. I can't even tell my friends because they won't understand why this hurts more than my actual long-term relationship breakup three months ago. I feel paralysed by life and unable to get out of bed today.
If anyone has any coping strategies / guided meditations / words of comfort - please let me know. I'm really hurting today. This shameful thing that I've been carrying with me feels all the more secret and shameful today. I feel disgusting.
If he wanted to, he would ladies!!! Don't you forget!!!!!

I am moving into a small town after living in a big city for 7 years. I’m moving out of the apartment I’ve lived in for 6 of those years, a tiny studio with no dishwasher, or room to breathe.
My boyfriend of a year, who was honestly trouble, broke up with me 2 weeks ago.
I’m in between a breakup and a big move. I feel so scared, lost, almost desperate. I spend most of my time walking around (15k-20k steps a day) and preparing for my move (filling nail holes in the wall). I’m also trying to stop abusing alcohol.
Today, I took my elderly cat to get a vaccination required to move into my new place. She flipped out and peed inside of her carrier. I felt terrible.
I know that God has a plan for me. I believe I will be okay in the small town. I think I’ll meet a hot construction guy and it will all be worth it. I’m still scared. I hope I’m okay. But what if I’m not?

*This is not pro-Christi or pro Melissa*
The case of Christi vs Melissa is complicated. it's not as simple between good and bad between those two. Melissa was sneaky and was willing to do whatever to get her kids ahead. Christi, while her heart was often(not always) in the right place, often went about her feelings wrong(ie. yelling at Paige, Maddie, etc.). Christi often struck underneath the belt with Melissa. In her mind, she wasn't able to separate Maddie from Abby and Melissa(which she still struggles with to this day).
It is perfectly normal for Christi to not like Melissa and for the Zieglers to not like Christi. For Christi, Melissa was Abby's right-hand man and was closely tied to the woman who caused her child to have years of lingering trauma. Even if the Zieglers don't associate with abby anymore, in her mind the events of pre-dance moms and dance moms are still closely tied to Melissa. As for the Zieglers its no secret that Christi has made multiple digs at them through the years which makes it completely valid for them to not speak to Christi outside of group settings.
I personally feel like Melissa and Christi are in the stage of friendship where they won't hang out individually but can coexist in group settings.
Also we have to remember we do not know this women. For all we know there could be stuff going on behind the scenes that we have no idea what that is. These women had their problems before the show but i genuinely think that melissa and christis friendship blew up when kelly left. I think before that, especially in s2 Christi defended Melissa when Abby called her a bad mother. I think they had their moments but were friendly up until the Kelly incident. Like that s4 clip where Jill is instigating her as to why she doesnt want to go to melissas house and christis voice cracks; that was way to genuine to be acting honestly sounds like she was hurt.
All we have of these women is a couple of clips here and there in one of the most heavily edited reality shows of that time period. I think these women are more alike than they think(than s1 clip when Melissa says she has no one and Christi kinda sits there cause its the same for her).
In their case both were the villians. Melissa for simply being sneaky(multiple moms said not to trust her) and Christi for constantly going after her kids and hitting below the belt. I think the show brought out the worst in them(both have stated this im pretty sure) and you can tell. They both seem content in where they are right now and thats all that matters.

For context, I'm a 17 F and I've been struggling with this relationship to love my APs. They were physically abusive til I was 7 and then they've been emotionally abusive since then. Sometimes they'll be random moments where I'll be the reason that their lives suck and it's horrible but I've come to an acceptance about it. BTW Typical asian kid failure, quit music, didn't like math, doesn't want to do engineering. In 6th grade I was bullied (I tried to tell my parents about it and they never cared) and then I was raped so all of that culminating led to a suicide attempt, and since I've kept them at a arm's length. It changed my view on life being a gift and I have more of a purpose since that, but there's always been a part of me that craves for the ability to call my family my safe place. However high school has been the hardest four years of my life and in freshman year I had a suicidal friend who I was trying to support and my parents would lose their shit when I would text her to make sure that she's alive. From that incident, I got extremely close with a teacher who filled the hole that was meant for my parents. Since then, my parents have gotten slightly better and I really appreciate the changes they've made but it doesn't erase the support and love I never got from them. Eventually I want to love and respect them and I plan to seek therapy for that, but right now this year has been a roller coaster through SATs and a incident with the school adminstration and I've felt alone for most of it. They've been there sometimes like real parents but they've also made it all worse (ex. screaming that if I wasn't her daughter she would have gave up on me). So over the course of this year this teacher has been there for me, giving me the support that I wish I got from them. My parents have been improving (and I know I'm lucky and I'm trying to tear down my walls to let them back in) but for some reason I can't do it completely. Some parts of me is always on guard and in a recent arguement with my mom she mentioned that I love this teacher more than her, and I'm afraid that she might be right especially because I'm more nervous about not seeing this teacher after I graduate than I am leaving my family. My family has plans to move to a different state and that idea destroys me because I will never be able to visit this teacher once I leave high school, and I want to know is this justified? Is it okay to get love from outside places (and before you guys get at me, i'm like his third daughter and there's nothing weird about it at all). For example I got a 1450 on my SAT and this teacher was genuinely so proud of me versus at home my parents didn't talk to me for days. Is this justified to feel love for a person who isn't family by blood but makes you feel like you're family, or makes you feel like a person or loves you like his own family?

So yesterday after ng shift may ganap pa ko. Bale halos 24hrs gising. I was looking forward to hanging out with this guy na nakakausap ko for weeks now kaso may lakads pala siya and wala rin ako tulog lol
I know pagod ako physically pero parang pagod na pagod ako emotionally.
Idk. Kahit sobrang pagod ako, feeling ko gusto ko lang “umuwi” or end my day with someone. Madalas nakakakain ako mag isa sa mall. Solo travel. Solo concert. Solo musical. Solo gala. Pero yesterday, I just let myself be sad about it. Wala akong energy to eat sa resto mag isa and see families, couples, and friends eating side by side.
Nakakapagod mag isa. Kahit sanay ka na at kaya mo naman, minsan masarap pa rin pag may kasama. I guess we all have our moment kahit we say we’re independent. Yesterday was mine.

34 year old Female, 5'7", 160 lbs Past medical history includes: diverticulitis, uterine fibroids (3), iron deficiency anemia, menorhhagia, brain aneurysm, depression, anxiety Medications include: aspirin 81mg, lamictal 100mg Non-smoker
Started having weird gastric symptoms. Acute, pinching pain under sternum with an odd, rubbing sensation (like rubber balls). Sharp aching pain in lower left abdomen. I feel like I'm being poked all over what i think are my intestines. It feels like i have a finger inside my abdomen poking me all over, sometimes it hurts and sometimes it doesn't. Recently it started to feel like something is poking from inside my stomach and outward to the abdominal wall (although this is not visualized). Started feeling like something is pushing my bellybutton (which may be attributed to developing interstitial cystitis after 2 back-to- back UTI's. This was fairly recent though and my abdominal symptoms started occurring months ago. )
I also have yellow to green stool, diarrhea and stomach aches often, and i do not feel like i fully evacuate my bowels.
I do have a strong family hx of colon and gastric/esophageal cancer.
Asked my FM doc and he was having a very rough day. Didn't really answer my questions and referred me to GI but i won't see them for months. Any ideas? Thanks!

my family was running errands all morning (grocery shopping, etc) and everything was “normal.” my mother and i spent the morning talking, listening to music, we even stopped and got coffee before we tackled todays list of errands.
then, after we had finished doing everything we needed to, we began to head home.
on the ride home i put on one of my favourite songs, rested my head against my seat, and closed by eyes for a bit (as one does when they are feeling tired).
SUDDENLY— my mother screamed at me. top of her lungs red face bulging veins kind of scream. she lectured me to “WAKE UP” and that “ALL I DO IS SLEEP” — startled by her suddenly yelling at sat up and informed her that i wasn’t actually sleeping i was just chilling.
she proceeded to yell at me - screaming inside the car about how “USELESS” i am and that i never help around the house (a complete considering the only way to earn my mothers love is to sweet the floor and empty the dishwasher — i was also gardening with her the day before since she asked for my help. i always help, and i have no problem helping.).
i was on the verge of tears - who wouldn’t be after being called stupid, useless, lazy, and good-for-nothing when all you were doing was CHILLING ON A CAR RIDE HOME. when my voice cracked as i explained that i was confused where this was coming from she started mocking me, “wah wah wah my life is sooo hard!! im going to go cry now.”
i was speechless. the rest of my family in the back of the car was speechless.
she does this a lot - she’ll be so kind for a short period of time and then she’ll just SNAP. i’m exhausted and i honestly don’t know what to do.
help? advice? a gentle hand? i’d appreciate anything really…

For context, I'm a 17 F and I've been struggling with this relationship to love my APs. They were physically abusive til I was 7 and then they've been emotionally abusive since then. Sometimes they'll be random moments where I'll be the reason that their lives suck and it's horrible but I've come to an acceptance about it. BTW Typical asian kid failure, quit music, didn't like math, doesn't want to do engineering. In 6th grade I was bullied (I tried to tell my parents about it and they never cared) and then I was raped so all of that culminating led to a suicide attempt, and since I've kept them at a arm's length. It changed my view on life being a gift and I have more of a purpose since that, but there's always been a part of me that craves for the ability to call my family my safe place. However high school has been the hardest four years of my life and in freshman year I had a suicidal friend who I was trying to support and my parents would lose their shit when I would text her to make sure that she's alive. From that incident, I got extremely close with a teacher who filled the hole that was meant for my parents. Since then, my parents have gotten slightly better and I really appreciate the changes they've made but it doesn't erase the support and love I never got from them. Eventually I want to love and respect them and I plan to seek therapy for that, but right now this year has been a roller coaster through SATs and a incident with the school adminstration and I've felt alone for most of it. They've been there sometimes like real parents but they've also made it all worse (ex. screaming that if I wasn't her daughter she would have gave up on me). So over the course of this year this teacher has been there for me, giving me the support that I wish I got from them. My parents have been improving (and I know I'm lucky and I'm trying to tear down my walls to let them back in) but for some reason I can't do it completely. Some parts of me is always on guard and in a recent arguement with my mom she mentioned that I love this teacher more than her, and I'm afraid that she might be right especially because I'm more nervous about not seeing this teacher after I graduate than I am leaving my family. My family has plans to move to a different state and that idea destroys me because I will never be able to visit this teacher once I leave high school, and I want to know is this justified? Is it okay to get love from outside places (and before you guys get at me, i'm like his third daughter and there's nothing weird about it at all). For example I got a 1450 on my SAT and this teacher was genuinely so proud of me versus at home my parents didn't talk to me for days. Is this justified to feel love for a person who isn't family by blood but makes you feel like you're family, or makes you feel like a person or loves you like his own family?

I'm new to SA, just over a month in. I found my first SA partner, and we really hit it off during our first meet-up. We didn't talk much about money allowance/PPM, as it got awkward, but he agreed to help out with my financial needs. He was respectful the whole time, and we both felt a connection, so we left the SA site right after meeting. We usually meet up every two weeks/once a week or so, but we don't text much in between – maybe every four days. I haven't been open to dating for a years, but now I'm more chill about it.
We talked a bit about where our relationship might go, but we're both kinda cautious about diving deep into it. He's been divorced for over a year and has five kids, so that's a big deal. I'm open to taking things further, but I can't help comparing our situations – he has his kids to support, and I'm here because I need financial help. He runs his own company and stuff, but it's hard for me to ask for help since I've always been independent, and I do not want to be another demand for him. So, I'm stuck between finding a solution to look another SA to help with my money stuff and talking to him about it, which I afraid might mess things up between us.
He seems like he wants to take things slow, and I get that, as I believe it’s healthier. But sometimes it feels like time's running out for me, although I do really enjoy being with him, I have primaries and needs to take care. He's really caring and respectful and I don’t want to lose him, because we are so compatible in many ways, but I'm not sure if he wants something serious in the future, especially since we mostly just text every few days and no calls, wondering if its even worth my patience. And I think asking him about it might be too much, especially since I've brought it up casually before. I know some people might see other people at the same time until they found the one, but I personally can’t act or being secretive and pretend like nothing happened.
Am I overthinking this? Is it normal for SA partners to not text much or call? How should I handle this?

Never would have thought I’d be saying this but after you finish the story and character stories, there’s jack shit to do offline.
Ghost battle is extremely inferior to the T5-TTT2 Ghost battle modes where you can quickly select a fresh, random opponent and rank that you want to play against in a fresh new stage after each match and grind for ranks all the way up to top rank. In T8, I had to constantly rematch HARADA_TEKKEN ghost to even reach top rank. It feels like there’s not many ghosts at all and the way you select to fight them in the same stage over and over is very tedious and not fun. Even 7’s treasure battle, while still inferior to previous games was actually better than the mode we got in 8.
Tekken ball while an amazing mode, has no depth or progression to it. In the T3 version, there was a small ladder of opponents to beat and at the end you unlocked GON which gave a reason to keep playing. Even TTT2s version of Ball had unlockable balls and a ladder of sorts that kept you playing. But here in 8, there’s nothing. One fight, limited to 2 rounds and it’s over.. like okay?
What else is there? Customisation? Okay much better than 7 but inferior to TTT2 and 6. Besides, playing dress ups for me in fighting games isn’t very appealing.
MK1, while also barebones as fuck, offers a reason to come back every season with how Invasions mode refreshes with new skins and unlockable content. The map itself, while technically the same, keeps getting modified with its paths and starts points as well as time of day etc. making it feel a little fresher every time. Not to mention the skins, gear and pallet unlocks are a decent enough reward.
There’s absolutely no reason to boot Tekken 8 up for its offline once you complete the main story and character sub stories.
Even TEKKEN REVOLUTION had login gold bonuses which you could use to buy new characters and special Mokujin rush special modes (Google if you don’t know!)

I hope this won't sound too confusing. I feel that I'm smart enough to see the problem, but I'm not smart enough to figure out a way to solve it. I'd like to hear the opinions of people who are smarter than me, and maybe learn what smart books I could read about this.
I feel that today's people and society are too consumed by greed and consumerism. And I mean, everyone, from poor people to all the corporations and billionaires.
I feel that somewhere in the past simple things were valued much more. Like if your father was a good carpenter and he made a good wooden table - this table would become a family heirloom, and it would be used and passed from generation to generation. It's a figurative example, but you got the point. And what do we have now? People are bored by everything and always want more. Are you bored with your IKEA furniture? Throw it away and buy another piece of furniture.
And it happens with everything now. Cars, smartphones, furniture, anything. People get bored in 3-5 years or less and want another casmartphone/furniture. Corporations saw that, and planned obsolescence is a thing now.
And every year it gets worse. There are more people, we produce more and more, and we consume more and more. Our planet is becoming more polluted every day, and the resources of our planet are finite.
And there's no stopping that. And, of course, in every apocalypse movie/book, all these simple things we have now suddenly become way more valuable.
I don't know how to fix that, or is that even possible? How to make people appreciate simple things? There are always these phrases, like "the customer is always right" (in matters of taste) and "demand creates supply"
I'm not a fan of communism or any dictatorship, but because of these phrases sometimes I think it should be vice versa.
Sometimes I have thoughts like that we should have a different system where the government should give people cars like the Mercedes W123 or Toyota Corolla or Mazda Miata, and say: "It is a great and reliable car, use it well and enjoy. BUT, you won't be able to buy another car because the resources of our planet are limited. We restrict you to do that. So use it carefully and learn how to repair it"
And it's easy to see that a lot of people would be unhappy with that. Everyone wants to have freedom, and no one wants to actually appreciate things. Today I want to drive a Mercedes, and tomorrow I want to drive a Mazda or something else, what are you gonna do?
It's absurd thoughts, and I just don't know how to fix it.
There are these Hollywood movies where evil aliens come to our planet, and the whole world unites against it and wins in the end.
In real life scenario I feel that we wouldn't even be able to unite properly. Aliens would've said: "Why are you wasting the resources of your planet for nothing? Are you stupid?". And then they would wipe out the whole planet.
I used to think that maybe money itself was the problem. I also couldn't understand the impossibility of socialism. But the money is just a tool. When money wasn't invented yet, people were bartering for the things they wanted.
So, to clear up all this mess of thoughts, my final question. We've seen capitalism, communism, feudalism, and all sorts of systems. Are we going to develop some system better than capitalism? Or are we going to just dry the resources of our planet completely until all the ice melts, and we are all fu**ed?
If I'm right or wrong about something - please tell me, and advise something good to read to educate myself. Thanks a lot.

So I noticed that Aventurine is notably absent for most of 2.2 until he shows up at the epilogue of the main story. There is a message that Aventurine sends you after you complete the main story describing what happened after the events of 2.1. However, this message is only sent to those who have Aventurine. In case you don't have him, or you picked the wrong options in the message, here is the full message thread.
Aventurine: Sorry, I only just saw your message.
Aventurine: Now that my mission on Penacony has come to an end, I can finally use my phone in the open.
Aventurine: It felt like I was in jail.
MC: Where have you been?
Aventurine: Long story. Let's save it for next time.
Aventurine: Since we've got nothing else going on, how about we play a simple dice game to keep our senses sharp?
Aventurine: If the number you roll is greater than or equal to mine, I'll tell you something that happened after the theme park incident.
MC: Sounds good. Let's begin!
Aventurine: Let's do it.
Aventurine rolls a 3.
Aventurine: Your turn. Your chances seem good.
MC: Give me a big one!
MC rolls a 4.
MC: Mine's bigger, now spill it.
Aventurine: After taking that one strike from that Emanator's blade, I waded into a river wider than any I've seen in my life.
Aventurine: I thought I had reached the end of my life.
Aventurine: But... as you can see, I'm still alive, and I'm happy about that.
Aventurine rolls a 1.
Aventurine: Your turn.
MC: This is surely a win, right?
MC rolls a 6.
MC: What happened next?
Aventurine: When you guys were unraveling the secrets beneath the Penacony's surface, I already fell into the Primordial Dreamscape. The Preservation's Cornerstone shielded me from the contamination of the Nihility, but in doing so, it completely shattered to smithereens.
Aventurine: Fortunately, I met a Knight of Beauty and narrowly escaped death with his help.
Aventurine rolls a 1.
Aventurine: It's your turn. We gotta follow through with this game.
MC: What happened after that?
MC rolls a 6.
Aventurine: You're doing great, my friend.
Aventurine: Then, thanks to you lot, all the truths came to light. Topaz and Jade took over the affairs on Penacony, and now I get to enjoy some time off.
Aventurine: But I've been having various nightmares these past few days, waking up drenched in sweat every single time.
Aventurine: Thankfully, the IPC has arranged for a Doctor of Chaos to give me a thorough examination, and things have improved.
Aventurine: That's about it. You're really lucky to get me to tell the whole story.
MC: Happy losing, huh? You've tricked me again.
Aventurine: The Dreamscape may be a bustling place, but there aren't many 'friends'. I gotta find ways to make do, wouldn't you say?
Aventurine: Thanks for helping me through the tough times. Hope I wasn't a bother.
Aventurine: Guess I'll find fun somewhere else, see ya.
It seems like he was taken out of action by receiving the Emanator's blade in 2.1, so he could not contribute to the main story in 2.2. Glad to see that he is rescued by Argenti and on the road to recovery. Looking forward to seeing what he and the IPC will do in Penacony in 2.3.

I just want to let it out, but you are all welcome to say whatever you want. So, last year was when I finally accepted I was bi. I met this super nice guy and made all the worst decisions, up until that point I thought I was bisexual but hetero-romantic. This guy was so nice, I didn't want to lead him on, but instead of being straightforward about it, I just turned down all his advances, until I realized I was being stupid and I was missing out on so much because of that. But when I decided to give in, he was already bored and turned down. So I found myself chasing after him the way he did with me at the beginning. Then we fell on a loop where we both took turns being the ones reaching out when the other wasn't interested. The most toxic thing I've ever done. We are very different in a lot of ways, but there's something that draws me to him for some reason. The part we struggle with the most is how different our communication styles are. It drives me crazy. Anyway, a lot happened and didn't happen, we spent weeks without talking, and then one or the other would reappear in the other's life again and again.
All the while, I met this other guy. Nice, kind, funny, with a great sense of humor, cooking student (which is a plus), and our communication styles matched perfectly. We quickly became friends, and I thought I didn't want anything else with him. Friendship was perfect. But the more I grew apart from the toxic one, the more I started to of the cute little chef in a more romantic way. I didn't say anything because I thought it wouldn't be fair for him because I was still into the toxic one, I was still waiting on him. One day I just woke up and decided it wasn't worth waiting on someone I knew nothing would ever happen because neither of us would make up their mind or speak up and be straightforward, and even if we did, we were too toxic for each other.
That exact day, the toxic reached out to me after weeks of not talking. I had already made up my mind, was gonna stop waiting on him and pursue something with the chef. Things didn't go as planned. Toxic kept being toxic, and the chef stopped talking to me, so I never got to tell him how I felt. Being a couple of weeks since I talked to either of them, but they are both in my mind all the time. It's been exactly one year since I met the toxic one for the first time. Today I posted a story and he replied. Even after thinking about him lately, I don't have the energy to deal with him again. I don't plan on responding.
I do have been thinking about reaching out to the chef, tho. But I don't know how to go about it. Plus his birthday is coming in a few days, and I don't wanna be the guy who waits for certain occasions or events to pop up back in. I was thinking of just texting him I miss him, but I don't know if I should.
The toxic's birthday is also coming a few days later.

This is a very long story, I’m trying to make as short as possible. Sorry if there are any spelling mistakes, english is not my first language.
Background: I’ve being in this relationship for 6 years and engaged for almost 2. We want to get married but we can’t afford it.
Trigger Warning: Toxic Relationship, Domestic Abuse, Depression, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts.
So the last years had a lot of changes due to family drama. Specifically my fiancé’s parents.
Dad was cheating and Mom found out. They’ve tried to “fix” the relationship and went on-and-off for a year before they finally divorced. During this period of time my fiancé who lived with them had to deal with their toxic relationship, things got really bad one day when her dad destroyed the whole house while verbally abusing his wife and his daughter. My fiancé moved in with me and my parents after that due to the fact that her mom still decided to stay with him. And only got divorced three months ago. (He even said he hated my fiancé and wished she was never born during this time)
It’s being around eight months since my fiancé is living with us. We haven’t moved to our own place cause I’m unemployed at the moment.
To the issue: My fiancé is having a real bad time and is depressed. She refuses to seek medical help saying she doesn’t need it even if she is physically hurting her self and even confessed suicidal thoughts.
I must add that I’ve myself suffered with depression and even attempted on my life when I was a teenager, so it’s a very sensitive topic to me. I’ve found out I’m bipolar and have an anxiety (I’m fine due to meds).
So I’ve tried every possible attempt to help her get the help she needs from professionals. From therapy, to a psychiatrist, to even going to the ER on one of her episodes. She refuses everything. I don’t fucking know what to do. During one of the episodes she asked me to break up with her (I’ve refused) she then broke up with me (I ignored cause she was clearly ou of her mind). After she calmed down she said she loved me but wasn’t sure she wanted to marry me cause she is only a burden (her words).
I try to reassure her all the time that she is not a burden and I love her and still want to marry her. She still doesn’t believe me.
She wants to move out and I think she should if she think it’s best for her but she can’t afford it, our city rent is very high.
I get the feeling she’s trying to push me away and it’s actually working. She spends more time texting her coworker than talking to me. I even asked her if she had feelings for him (she said no). But I really fucked up when considered she was cheating and told her. She got really hurt cause her biggest fear is to end up like her dad (I know she would never cheat) I guess I was trying to find something that would make things easier.
Today while lying in bed after the shower, I’ve fucked up again. She was naked and I decided to squeeze her but (we used to do this constantly without any sexual intentions). She immediately put on clothes and asked me to get away from her cause she was still hurt and wasn’t in the mood. I just got up and left our bedroom not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable.
I’ve being crying for a week, every day. I can’t sleep well, I don’t want to eat and my therapist is getting worried. I love her and it hurts so much to see her so sad but It’s running my life. I terrified to the idea of waving another mental break down.
I feel better when she is not at home cause I feel at peace. I’ve actually consider breaking up with her but I’m not sure if I want to. I can’t imagine my life without her, but also can’t imagine with her anymore .
She used to be my everything, my sunshine and now I just feel lost, scared and sad.
She doesn’t have money, don’t have where to go and don’t have a family she can count on. I can’t afford to move out with her and even if I could I don’t even feel it would be a good idea right now.
I’m scared of loosing se her but I’m more scared of loosing myself.
How do I help someone e who doesn’t want help? What should I do? Does anyone have any advice? I’m really lost in all of this.
I’m not perfect and I’m not made of stone, if things continue this way I’ll eventually break.

Hello! I am a 20f and I play volleyball at a D1 college. In March I tore my ACL and I had surgery on April 1st. People have been very encouraging and helpful but there are so many things I still struggle with daily.When I tore my ACL I had almost no pain and was able to walk immediately after. Because of this I think post surgery I have associated the pain with the intact ACL. I am 6 weeks post op and I find myself constantly paranoid that I’ve retort my ACL even though I have had no falls or major accidents.
I have pain each day, minor, but still there. Sometimes it’s at the back of my knee, sometimes side, sometimes front. The pain worries me just as much as the absence of it does. My knee feels completely different than my other one, which is obviously normal but contributes to my anxiety about the entire situation. When I walk or do exercises I am freaked out by the sensations in my knee. It pops and tingles and cracks and seems to catch sometimes. I keep waiting for the day that I will wake up and walk completely normal and get out of this rut, but each day it seems nothing changes. I still am not walking completely normal, and I’m feeling very sad about my lack of progress. I’m trying to be patient, but I am fearful. It’s crazy because logically I know that my chances of tearing my graft isn’t likely especially so early. I also know that my knee will feel different and unstable for a while. Still, my emotions get the best of me and I worry constantly. Will someone please help calm me down. I am desperate. I want to feel confident in my abilities again.

Hi everyone this happened today and I’d really like some help figuring out how to feel about this situation. For context, I am about 3 months post-top surgery, and my mom visits me occasionally because I do not live with her. She’s supportive of my transition (uses right pronouns, name, pays for my T)
Today, while she was visiting and we were sitting in my home, she asks me if she could see my surgery results. I hesitated because it still just feels weird to me to show my chest in public via years of shame, and also my mom and I have never had a relationship where I’ve seen being shirtless acceptable (like it’d only be a swimming pool where I’d see her in a bra or such). She also didn’t pay for my surgery, I paid for it.
She asks again after the first time, but was like “It’s totally okay if you don’t want to show me,” and then I was like “I’d rather not, my results are great but I just don’t want to,” and then she asks again. So I showed her my chest. It was only like a few seconds and then she was like “Wow”
I don’t think I was like really violated or anything but I definitely feel weird. I don’t know who to tell really, considering telling my boyfriend. But I just don’t know and just have this weird feeling in my stomach ever since.

Adaptibar: I see people recommending doing 25-40 Adaptibar questions a day, but when should that begin? Day 1? After a week or two? I don't really remember much law outside of the courses I took this past year, so I'm worried starting the Adaptibar questions w/o spending a little time reviewing the law will be a waste.
Barbri: What's the most efficient way to tackle the course, week by week? I've combed through so many past posts about Barbri on here, but I'm still confused about the best way to go about it. I've seen people say that you should start by following their schedule and then adjust if needed, and I've seen others recommend getting the videos out of the way as quickly as you can so you have more time to practice questions. Is there a Barbri megathread for tips?
I'm trying to nail down a day-by-day strategy for a 10-week, full-time study period using Barbri, Adaptibar (plus Grossman videos), and Critical Pass flashcards. Any tips and/or template study schedules would be greatly appreciated!

So, I 21F met this guy 25M online about a week ago. We decided to go out because we had many things in common. However, he seems far too invested in the relationship. Before we even met, he was calling me pet names and he kept telling me he was thinking about me all day. I do not know if that is normal, as this is my first time going on a date/being in a potentially romantic relationship. Also, there were times where I feel like he ignored my boundires and wanted to move faster than I wanted. On top of that, he was 20 minuets late to our date. He seems like a nice guy, just not the guy for me. I don't want to just ghost him, I want to try to minimize the hurt from rejection. Any advice would be greatly appriciated.