I am a 58-year-old male - culturally Greek, raised in Australia, migrated to the U.S. and have lived in NYC for over 20 years now. My parents raised my two older sisters – 9.5 years older with 3 children and 4 years older with two daughters, and myself, the only son and youngest of three, Down Under. I left my family in Australia upon moving to NYC in 2004 with my partner. It was tough leaving them behind because as dysfunctional as we were, we all loved each other.
Unfortunately, in the 8 year lead up to the pandemic – first, I lost my father to colon cancer; 2 years later my beautiful mother to vascular dementia; 2 years after that my 14 year marriage dissolved after my partner admitted he had been having an affair with a work colleague for several months; 1.5 years after that my middle sister and dear friend died from a brain aneurysm; followed by my eldest sister who died of lung cancer the following year.
I fell so ill from stress that I developed severe IBS and had to have emergency surgery. I thought I was going to die. If that wasn’t enough, I hadn’t even healed when I caught COVID; lost my job a few weeks later; and, then I managed to survived a home invasion during which I was assaulted and threatened with a knife but, somehow, I managed to get the two criminals out of my space in 7.5 minutes, without a single item stolen. I’ve been through a lot but I’ve always battled through.
My middle sister had two daughters, M1 aged 40, and M2 aged 38. Until my sister passed away in early 2018, I had a great relationship with M1. I was always there to support as she tended toward “unlucky in love” and was also diagnosed with lupus over a decade ago. Her mother and I were always solid support for her, and she would speak to me about any personal problem.
Her younger sister M2 is a very different character and was I was unable to build as strong a relationship – it was not purposeful nor deliberate. I made attempts and managed to get closer to her after she was married but she always tended to be more distant. As hard as I tried, M1 & I sensed that she somewhat resented my relationship with her older sister.
After my sister passed away suddenly aged only 56, we were all devastated. I flew in from NYC and was in Australia for 9 days for the funeral. I spent 7 of the 9 days with my brother-in-law (BIL) - a good man – and my two nieces M1 & M2. It was an emotionally draining stay, with a relentless stream of visitors to pay their respects.
I spent the other 2 days house-sitting for a dear friend which I gladly accepted to secure some peace and solitude. I slept at least 16-18 hours on each day. Upon returning to my BIL’s home for my final two days, M1 approached me and asked to speak to me outside in their back yard. She proceeded to tell me how very disappointed she was in me; that she felt I was an “absent mourner" and not supporting her in her grief in the way she expected; I was also not grieving "appropriately," and that her mother /my sister would be disappointed.
I had travelled 24 hours, in a blur, halfway across the globe to bury my sister and was now receiving bereavement advice from my niece. I told her to quit with the nonsense and that she should mourn her mother any way she likes, but she is not to tell me how I should conduct myself when I’m grieving.
Her voice quickly escalated, and she proceeded to then scream at the top of her voice about how disgusting I was that I wasn’t “there” to respect her mother; and be there for her. I reminded M1 that her mother, was also my sister and I knew her for a whole lot longer than she did. I also reminded her that staying for 7 of 9 days with her, does not constitute “being absent” in anybody’s language.
It was midnight, she continued to scream, yell, abuse me with neighbors being woken up on all sides. I stood up and decided to leave and not put up with her bullshit any longer. I walked inside and caught her sister, M2, ears to the door, listening to everything … and it made me realize they were bothin on this effort to publicly “dress me down”.
M2 proceeded to "stand with her sister" and yell at me, too. I was seriously flabbergasted by their accusations. My BIL certainly did not feel the same way and he told the girls to explain to him what their problem was!?! If there was a real problem – he should be the first to be complaining about me. Their anger and resentment was shocking, inexplicable and totally unfounded. I flew home to NYC two days later devastated not just at losing my beautiful sister - but at my nieces’ disgraceful performance.
In November 2020, I flew back to Australia to visit family for the holiday season as COVID enveloped the globe. I struggled to feel fully comfortable with my nieces, and one thing is for sure: they never apologized to me for their outburst at me less than two years prior. This time it was the festive season and I decided to stay some of the time at BIL's house. Upon arriving, I was shocked - the house was spotlessly clean, as my sister liked to keep it, and everything in the house was unchanged - everything was in the exact same spot, as the day my sister died. I was concerned, M1 was clearly struggling, not dealing with her mother’s death. Even her father, my BIL had started casually dating another woman, and I threw support behind him which he appreciated. M1, on the other hand, was vehemently against this, and refused to give her father’s new relationship her blessing.
Eventually, the inevitable happened – M1 starts to relay a story that I recognized as my own, and after a few erroneous details, I reminded her of the facts that she was actually deviating from. She literally exploded for not allowing her to relay my story… incorrectly.
Yet again, her screams and anger were so loud, that I actually saw neighbors peering over their fencing. She screamed at me to leave "her house" and that I was the devil. (I need to add here that both nieces became born again Evangelical Christians.) I reminded her that the house belonged to my sister & BIL, and she had no authority over whether I stay or not.
Her screams & verbal attack, (the second one now), was so loud, aggressive, and her enraged face so red, that she looked unhinged. I went to grab a mug to make a coffee and get as far away from her as I could. As my hand reached into the cupboard for a mug, she used the cupboard door to p.a. me I saw stars.I stared at her in shock and said: "You just p.a. your mother's brother," at which she just screamed even louder
My BIL arrived shortly after and I told him that I needed to leave. I gave him the facts and then told him: "She doesn't support your new relationship - not because its "too soon" - but because she's miserable and unhappy… and she begrudges anyone their happiness - it eats away at her." She screamed at him to throw me out until he yelled "Shut up!" at her. She then called us both devils and stormed into her room.
Now, a brief focus on M2. It was summer 2017, and M2 was due in November with her second child. Her husband is American and M2 moved here from Australia and were living in the Midwest. I attempted to build a closeness with her since she was living in the US. During a call to her in July 2017, she invited me for Thanksgiving that year to be with her family, as well as see her mothemy sister and BIL who were spending several weeks there to welcome their new grandchild.
I was so excited. I even told M2 that I would stay at a nearby hotel, so as not to burden them with a newborn at home. A few weeks prior to Thanksgiving, I called to confirm my dates, etc., and without missing a beat, she proceeds to tell me that it is now all too much for her and she retracted her invitation …I was dis-invited. I sat there in silence, in shock.
I had discretely asked my sister several weeks prior, whether she would consider visiting NYC with my BIL, even for a weekend, as they were going to be with M2 for over 6 weeks and were so close!
She said to me, "Do you think we haven't thought of that? We'd love to come to come to NYC and see you. But we'll never hear the end of it from ‘you-know-who’."
So, I spent Thanksgiving on my own, with no family in NYC, less than 1.5 hours flying time away from a warm, festive house that contained M2, her family, my BIL and my dear sister.
Less than 3 months later … my sister was dead. And I never got a chance to see her one last time.
That opportunity was taken from me without so much as an "I'm sorry that I did that to you." In fact, I never received an apology from either M1 nor M2 for all the things they did to me.
When I got back to NYC from the disastrous Aussie trip, M2 refused to communicate with me any further, so I knew M1 had been in her ear about our fallout and likely never even mentioned the p.a. I contacted her and mentioned that minimally, I expected her to at least hear me out.
Her response???
"In my experience, I would describe you the same way my sister would, so I tend to believe her, and my role now is to protect my family."
I replied, "What, so your family is in danger now? From me?!"
She curtly wrote: "I wish to focus on my family, my sister, and the Lord." ...or something to that effect.
I can genuinely, authentically state that I still have no idea why they turned so viciously nasty, so vindictive, and without sounding too dramatic – so evil towards me. I have my other nieces, family, friends to back me up wholeheartedly. It was ironic to me that the two evangelicals ended up being so mean-spirited, and emotionally abusive.
I knew I had to make a big decision, so I sought the counsel of some wonderful loved ones in my inner circle, and their guidance was unanimous: walk away from the toxicity. I knew I had no other choice. I have not spoken to my two nieces for four years now.
I posted this to see if others had similar experiences, and to gather feedback as to whether I *am* the a-hole for cutting my two nieces out of my life. AITA?

Background

My last of four contests in a 6 week span. This was also the first drug tested qualification for the world championships in the US. I want to support this type of competition, which is why I signed up months ago when it came up. Funnily enough, I was technically a heavyweight for this as that's what the 231lbs weight class is called in this federation.

Training

Training for this was basically just depending on carryover from the previous training. I did very little in the two week intermission because I was mentally and physically exhausted. I literally did arm-over-arm training once and that was because I joined my wife when she was training it. I did do some deadlifts, 505lbs for 3 reps, and that was the heaviest weight I touched. I tried stones once, but I had issues with tacky and grip, causing me to just give up. At this point, I was just surviving until the contest.

Contest

There were about 50 people signed up although a few didn't show up. Either way, there were a decent amount of people, especially in the super heavyweight class. There were only 4 of us in "heavyweight" (I still can't get used to calling 231s heavyweights, so I'm just going to stick with using the numbers). I did look up two of them on Instagram, and I knew they were going to be quite strong. A 198lb competitor moved up to 231s and someone dropped out, so we did not have a net loss in my weight class. It was a one day contest (that ended up being super long), and it basically rained off and on all day.
Max Log Clean and Press
This was a last-man standing style event with no limits on how many jumps you could take. There were two more events like this during the day, which is why the contest took so long. The mats were a fairly wet and slippery initially, so I took some really early jumps. Plus, I used those as warm-ups. I started push pressing to make sure I didn't zero. However, because there were so many people taking the weights and because the rain stopped, the mats started drying off fairly quickly, which meant I could split jerk again. I ended up at 250lbs, tried 270lbs but didn't get it. Just a bit too heavy, and I didn't want to push it to risk anything. Three of us ended up tying at 250 because one competitor skipped 270 and barely missed 290. The competitor who ended up winning was not affected by this mistake in this event.
Sandbag, Keg, Sled Medley
This was a unique event. First, carry and load a 200lb sandbag onto a sled, run back, and arm-over-arm pull the sled about 10 feet. Then, carry and load a 250lb keg onto the sled, run back, and arm-over-arm pull the sled about 15 or 20 feet. Finally, carry and load a 300lb sandbag onto the sled, run back, and arm-over-arm pull the sled the rest of the way, about 15 or 20 more feet (I don't remember the distances perfectly honestly). During warm-ups and testing for this, I realized that it would be very useful to take a few seconds and make sure the sandbag and keg are situated well to load the last sandbag on the front easily. The first sandbag was fairly easy, the keg wasn't too bad (I didn't carry it high to save my legs), but the second sled-pull was starting to get fairly heavy. The last sandbag wasn't terrible, but it definitely was heavy enough to slow me down and tire me out. It was also heavy enough to really make the sled difficult. Because of the log ties, I was going in the first heat, so I had to give it all I had to get a few pulls in. I think I pulled it like 5 or 6 feet. However, it was enough to win because no one else was even able to load the third sandbag. It was very fortunate for all of us that it was still not raining for this event.
Max Deadlift
Same thing as log, it was a last man standing and you can take as many jumps as you want. I did a little bit of warm-ups, but as soon as the event started, it started raining pretty decently. I wanted to stay dry as my main priority, so I stayed out of the way until around 430lbs as my first official lift. Then, with the 20kg jumps, I did 474lbs, 518lbs, and I finished at 562lbs. This was good enough for third out of four. Second place did 606lbs, and first got 650lbs. Some really good deadlifters here, and this was a competition PR for me and my second heaviest deadlift ever. I was pretty happy, especially in the rain and because it was on an incline facing down, making the deadlift harder for everyone.
Max Distance Yoke
This even is fairly simple. Ninety seconds, 635lbs, 50 foot each way, and carry the yoke as far as you can. Again, because I was going in the first heat, I could not pace myself. Again, the rain was coming down but slowed down a little at least for us 231s. I finished 200 feet right around 60 seconds, took a breath, and carried the yoke for another 50 feet. I didn't have much time left, so I went as far as I could. However, my legs were essentially jelly. I finished at 261 ft, but first place got 277 ft in the second heat. Finishing second here all but guaranteed my second place overall.
Max Atlas Stone
At this point, it was after 4pm, and we were just starting last event. I barely have trained stones the past year, so I had no expectations besides not zeroing. Luckily, the rain stopped, the mats dried out, and the stones were nice and dry under a tent all day. It was fairly cool, so I decided to use my grade 2 tacky from Cerberus, which was a good idea. One competitor decided to call it a day (he was in last and his family was exhausted). I knew the two remaining ones were better than me at stones, so I wanted to just get some good lifts in for myself. Once we got to 300lbs, it felt way better than I expected. I was excited to try 330lbs, but I barely missed the load over the bar. A bit of a technique issue, unsurprisingly, but the strength was there. I was about to try once more, but I only had 10 seconds. I finished third there (i.e., last of remaining people), and the other two tied at 360lbs, barely missing 400lbs each.

Overall

I finished in second place. First place was just much stronger overall, and he definitely deserved the win. Nothing to do my end except get stronger. It was a super long day (I was at the competition area for 12 hours), the weather was difficult to deal with, and it was a heavy show with three maxes. I had fun, and I hope they keep holding these types of events.

What's Next

It's finally time for an off-season. I'm going to take about the next 6 months and work on (in order of priority) on my log, deadlift, and stones. Those are really my biggest weaknesses, so I'm finally ready to get stronger and better instead of just maintaining between contests. Plus, I think I'll write-up some lessons learned for competing so much in a short amount of time.

Background: 1) My girlfriend had this friend who I'll call D who is straight up just awful. He's tried getting her to cheat on me with him multiple times with him as well as countless other things, and I've never done anything to him to deserve it. 2) Me and her arent able to see each other much, we're lesbians and her parents are not that supportive, so hanging out with me gives her anxiety. We can only see each other if she's sure her parents won't be there or anywhere near us.
So it was our anniversary on Saturday and she was telling me a couple days prior how there was a dance her sister invited her to about an hour away. I said that's great because I actually had plans on Saturday as well (visiting family) and I mean it's not like we were going to be able to see each other anyways because of the reason mentioned above. Fast forward to Saturday and I'm visiting family and she's telling me how she's getting ready to go to the dance and she's leaving at 5. Fast forward to 6 and I notice I haven't gotten a notification on life360 she left her house, so I get worried. I text her "you getting ready baby?". She responds apparently she was already there. I go to life360 and discover she disabled her location. I give her the benefit of the doubt and think "maybe my network is just unstable or something". Fast forward she tells me that apparently someone we knew from high school who is also friends with D is there, and I think to myself "what are the odds she's there too? This is a church dance and she's not even part of the church". I try prying her for details about the dance, at this point I knew she was up to something. She gives me no detail, dodges questions, everything. Then I remembered that D is having a going away party (he's leaving for the military) and he invited her, and of course it happened to be on our anniversary. I tell myself " no she wouldn't do that she said she's had him blocked for a month straight now. she wouldn't go to his party on our anniversary and lie to me about it". After a bit she gets home, calls me and I try asking for details about the dance and of course she gives me nothing. I finally ask her "Where were you really tell me the truth I know something is up tell me". And she says " I think we both know where I was" while on the verge of tears. I simply just say "So how's he doing?". Apparently two days prior she unblocked him and asked for the party info because she decided to go. I'll spare you the rest of call as it's pretty irrelevant. Fast forward into the night I can't sleep and I just start texting her how infuriated I was and hurt that he got to see her on our anniversary and I didn't. When he invited her I told her she could go if she wanted just tell me. I was kind of hoping that if she went maybe I could go too and we could actually see each other on our anniversary. And she kept telling me she didn't want to go. But of course that changed and she kept it a secret and I feel like we missed a great opportunity to see each other. Even if it was his party I still just wanted to see her. D has a hard time saying no also he kind of gave an apology for everything a couple months ago (i don't exactly buy it) but still he apologized, so I'm sure he would have let me go. My girlfriend told me she thought it would have been rude to invite me and too awkward.
I just don't really know what to think of this. I got upset with her and now she's telling me that I ruined our anniversary. I need some outside perspective. Also sorry if this isn't written well.
Important note: If you're wondering why D didn't just invite me himself, I don't have any contact with him. The last time I talked to him was back in January and I kind of went off on him and blocked him because my girlfriend finally let me confront him for one of the things he did. And I wouldn't have done this if I knew he would still be in her life, she told me she was done with him and she's cutting him off so I felt it was okay to go off on him. Obviously that changed since. So yeah I'm sure he just assumed I didn't want to go to his party.

Sorry if this is a bit disjointed and long, there's a TL;DR at the end. I just had my LEEP on Thursday and wanted to share my experience. Hopefully this soothes a fellow over-thinker.
Background: 30 yr old female, 130 lbs, 5'2". No moderate, severe or chronic health conditions.
I was diagnosed with high-risk (HR) HPV with LSIL/abnormal cells in February of this year. Not 16/18, but another HR strain. I got at least one shot of the HPV vaccine before I turned 26 so I was really shocked at this. I had a complete emotional breakdown because of the connection to HPV and cervical cancer, plus I just felt....dirty. I've gone through my sexually active years without getting as much as a yeast infection, and now I had just been hit with an STI, and the one that causes cancer. I went into a pretty deep depression and honestly I'm still in that depression zone but not nearly as much. I did a ton of research and my findings told me that even if it was cancer, it's one of the most curable ones especially given my age, health, etc.
My primary doctor referred me to a gyno's office connected to the hospital I go to, and I scheduled an appointment for March 1st. Gyno (who was actually not an OBGYN but an APRN/midwife?) basically did a slightly more advanced exam/questionnaire then I got another referral to an actual OBGYN for a colposcopy and scheduled it for April 1st. I thought I would have the colpo/biopsy with the APRN during my March appointment but I guess that's just a "yeah your primary is right you need a colpo" step. Idk, very confusing.
April 1st comes, the doctor that was available for that date (I wanted to get this done asap) had some less than favorable reviews on the internet so that made me a little uneasy. Between each appointment I was spending hours researching, redditing, googling, youtubing etc. so I wouldn't go into this completely ignorant and hopefully minimize the chance of any BS being pulled.
My doctor was, to my surprise, very chill, professional and knowledgeable. Took time to answer all my questions, we even had some laughs. Please ladies, find a doctor that makes you feel comfortable if you can. No question is a silly question and no doctor or nurse should make you feel like you're stupid for raising concerns or asking a lot of questions. If you feel something is off or a doc is being an a-hole, that's your sign to GTFO and find another doctor. Pleasant staff make this experience so much better.
The colpo: wasn't that bad. They crack you open like a pistachio with a speculum (like they would use for pap smear) and take a look at your cervix with this scope. A vinegar solution is applied to highlight the abnormal cells. My doc's colpo machine did have a screen that could show me what he was seeing, although it wasn't working and honestly I'm glad. I think seeing what was going on inside of me would make me worry more. So I just had to take my doctor's word for it when he said the area of abnormal cells was small.
I had a punch biopsy done during my colpo and oh man. It hurt. I wasn't instructed to take ibuprofen beforehand. I'm not sure if they didn't think I would need a biopsy or what but holy crap. 2 samples were taken, at 12 o'clock and 6 o'clock on my cervix, and I received a curettage as well. The curettage didn't hurt or was minor in comparison to the biopsy. After the biopsy, a "liquid bandage" was applied, this bandage is called Monsel's solution I believe. It's a mustard yellow paste.
The biopsy caused immediate moderate cramping and pain. The "6 o'clock" one, which was a larger sample, made me flinch and let out a little yelp. 6 o'clock hurt a lot. I will say that my doctor talked about what he was going to do before doing or as he was doing it so it's not like I was taken entirely by surprise. However, you don't realize how sensitive your cervix is until a chunk is taken from it.
After the biopsy, I felt this dull pain, nausea and cramping and apparently had excessive bleeding. Dribbles of blood were present on the procedure chair and floor, some of which had been cleaned up by the nurse/assistant prior to me sitting up so who knows how much was there. Doc confirmed this excessive bleeding in my after visit summary, but it wasn't so much so that it warranted some kind of emergency. I experienced some spotting for about 2 to 3 days after. I expected more blood in my pads but that never happened. I think seeing all this blood, knowing where it came from and why it was there made me even more nauseous.
The nausea and...weakness after the biopsy really had me messed up. I could barely focus as my doctor went into detail about what to possibly expect afterwards, what he saw (he even drew a little picture of my cervix), answered any questions I had. We said our goodbyes, I got dressed and made a mad dash to the waiting area's water cooler. I figured some cool water would calm my nerves and my stomach. I stupidly walked home after the procedure (I live in Chicago, very close to my doc's office). Nothing terrible happened but in hindsight, what if I passed out in the office, in the street? If you can ladies, have someone with you to get you home safely and for support. Or, at the very least, take an uber after.
After getting home I checked my pad, everything was good although I did have some "coffee grounds" in my pad from the Monsel's solution. The doc warned me about this and to expect it for a few days. I crashed on my couch for a little nap before going to a concert later that evening because I don't know how to take a day off.
The next month following my biopsy was largely uneventful, I did have intercourse about 2.5 weeks post-biopsy with no issues or pain, although the thought of infection and the whole process made it hard to enjoy sex (I healed up just fine so this was more unnecessary worrying). I didn't experience any pain, fever, or excessive bleeding, only some mild discomfort/cramping/lethargy (likely due to mentally stressing myself out) on day 2. I did however, experience one moment that freaked me out:
Day 3 post-biopsy: I got home from after work (my job requires me to be on my feet most of the day) and felt something in my vagina. It felt like a freshly inserted, regular sized tampon. I went to the bathroom, washed my hands and reached down to feel something coming out of me. Something was crowning and breaching my labial gates. I reached back down and slowly pulled out whatever object was in me. It felt like a horror movie. I knew I had inserted nothing.
Based on the feeling of said object, I thought my cervix was falling out of my body. I started panicking a bit. Panicking intensified after pulling out this...sac.
It looked alien. It was this membrane sac, about the size of a pitted date when rolled up. Within the sac contained those "coffee grounds." I knew it was the Monsel's solution and likely I had shed the liquid bandage. That logical thought didn't stop me from freaking out and gently wrapping my alien sac Starbucks trash baby in a piece of toilet paper and further sealing this HPV caused abomination into a Ziploc bag. My plan was to run to the ER and show them the freak I had given birth to.
Problem is, I had just lost my is insurance and was in process of getting a new plan, so a costly trip to the ER, waiting for hours for them to likely tell me I'm a panicky idiot wasn't really in the cards. So what does any overly anxious patient do? Turn to Dr. Google of course! I found a couple of reddit posts from women who had experienced the same thing but there wasn't much information on what had just slithered out of me. I found one of those "pay $5 for any kind of advice: legal, medical etc! Chat with an expert today!" sites that seemed legit enough. I got in chat with a doc quickly after some AI pre-chat prompts and he confirmed my suspicions: it was the Monsel's solution that I had expelled from my body. I was told this wasn't unusual and so long as I don't have an excessive bleeding, fever, pain, blah blah, I should be fine.
And I was fine. If you experience this and don't have any accompanying complications, you should be fine too. It is weird when it happens though.
My results came back about 2 weeks later. What was initially thought to be LSIL turned out to be HSIL/CIN-III, and my OBGYN told me I needed a LEEP sooner than later. My appointment was scheduled for next month and I still didn't have insurance. These month long waits between appointments were anxiety ridden depression fests, fueled by junk food and further exacerbated by internet research. The LEEP posts on Reddit had me so concerned, I reached out to my doctor to see if I could be put under general anesthesia for my LEEP, instead of receiving local anesthesia. Women on here described LEEPs as painful and traumatic. Just awful stuff. If you're reading this you've likely read those too. They described leg shaking after the shots, crying, etc. My doctor left me a detailed voice message and responded to my concerns with: "most women tolerate it well but if you're uncomfortable we'll send you to the hospital and put you under monitored sedation/anesthesia." I was still worried but was willing to see how I felt after local anesthesia. I was pleased he was open to working with me and my comfort level.
Fast forward to Wednesday last week:
The night before my LEEP, I got maybe an hour of sleep. I couldn't turn my mind off. My heart started racing an hour before my procedure and I had weird heart palpitations/irregular heart beat. I showered to calm myself down and be clean for my appointment, took 600 mg of ibuprofen as instructed, then headed out. Got a little snack from Starbucks (croissant for before since I was walking to my doc and some madeleines for after to help offset some potential nausea). For my LEEP I wore a big comfy sweater, some "period" leggings (leggings that aren't too tight and I don't care if they get blood on them) and brought a pad with me just in case. They should provide one for you but I'd rather be prepared. Got to the office, checked in, did the pregnancy urine test, got called in quickly, went through the whole height/weight/med history routine. About 5 mins later I sat down in my OBGYN's office. He described the lab findings (CIN-III), detailed the procedure, the tools and supplies they would use, aftercare and answered any questions I had. He then led me into a procedure room (pretty sure it was the same one I had my bloody biopsy in). I got undressed from the waist down like a pap, sat in the procedure chair, draped a little paper blanket over my bare bits and waited. The doctor came in with his nurse and went to work.
They again cracked me open with a speculum, this time it was rubberized on some parts. This is so your vagina doesn't get fried from the electrical current, otherwise your pubes and vulva will look like Marv in Home Alone. They also slapped a little rubber pad on my thigh to "ground" me like I'm some kind heavy duty machinery. Colpo machine comes forward so the doc can zoom in on your cervix. He applied 2 types of solution if I recall correctly: the normal vinegar solution to highlight abnormal cells and an iodine solution to highlight normal cells. Someone can correct me if that's wrong. The solutions and their uses were the least of my concerns.
He then went in with 4 lidocaine injections to numb the area, total of about 1 ml of lido I think. He used a very small needle and upon insertion, it felt like a little pinch. Now, for those afraid of needles, it is a long ish needle but the actual poke is minimal. Although some women report that the inject was the worst part. That was not the case here but the visual can be a bit alarming. After the first injection, I didn't feel the other 3. I felt comfortable going forward with the procedure, and my doc kept checking in with me to make sure I was ok. I did feel an increase in my heart rate post-lidocaine, but it wasn't concerning. I wasn't sure if this was from the "holy shit he's about to start zapping" or as a side effect of the lidocaine. Regardless, my heart rate came back down to a reasonable level given the circumstances in a few minutes. I was actually so comfortable at this point, I managed to relax my asscheeks after they were clamped together like a vise grip from the moment my derriere hit the chair.
I'm not really sure what happened after the injections, I knew he was using the LEEP machine but I don't know how long that lasted and when the wound was being created vs. cauterized as I didn't feel anything except some mild cramping/discomfort. I didn't flinch like I did with the biopsy. When the doc was finished, he applied a little bit of Monsel's, described how much he removed, went over aftercare again, we said our thank yous and goodbyes. I got dressed and went on my way, snacking on my madeleines on my way home (I walked again lol). I felt well post-procedure and even stopped at Target to do some shopping and smell some summer collection candles. I did feel myself bleeding but when I got home and checked the pad, there was a minimal amount of blood. Some women here have reported a distinct burning smell during their LEEP, I didn't smell anything but I also have sinus issues soooo maybe I just didn't pick up on it? My appointment was at 9 a.m. and I was out by 9:32.
When I got home I had some orange juice, water then slept for about 8 to 9 hours. I did have little cry sessions here and there after my procedure. But I was also sleep deprived and know I tend to get emotional. Regardless, take some time off after a LEEP, stay home around your own germs if possible. Get some of your favorite snacks, a face mask and a Nintendo switch or something. This is a good time for some self-care and rest, girlies.
Friday, day after LEEP: no bleeding, minor cramping/discomfort.
Saturday: Usual morning pee met with some blood in the toilet paper. Nothing in my pad though. Throughout the day I slept on and off, I've been more tired than usual. My body and mind has gone through some shit so I'm not mad at myself for being sleepy. I did experience some heavier bleeding throughout the day that was mostly dark colored. The blood level was about the same if not less than what I'd experience with a period. No unusual smell. I did shed the liquid bandage. Did have some mild cramping at certain points during the day but not debilitating or worth taking ibuprofen over.
Sunday: Energy levels finally back up to something normal, don't feel as tired. Still bleeding dark red blood/brown discharge but it's minor. Ran some errands today, I figured gravity would cause me to bleed more but it's about the same as yesterday if not less.
If there's interest, I'll check in at maybe the 2 week and 4 week mark, or whenever I remember since this is my throwaway account.
Overall the LEEP was way better than the biopsy in my experience. Reddit had me freaking out. I know I'm lucky, and this post isn't to dismiss any terrible or painful experience other women have had. I want to share my 'positive' experience, since most of my mental state surrounding my diagnosis, fears, the upgrade from LSIL to HSIL, has been negative.
Oh and I did get insurance literally a week before my LEEP, thank God.
If you have any questions please feel free to ask them below!
TL;DR: -Colpo: easy -Biopsy: sucks. Most pain I've ever felt and felt nauseous/uneasy after. Ask your doctor if you can take ibuprofen prior to a biopsy. Monsel's solution/liquid bandaid came out in sac-like alien baby about 36 to 48 hours later. Was able to have intercourse 2-2.5 weeks post-biopsy. No insertion of anything for about 3 days after. -LEEP: easy-ish? 600 mg ibuprofen 1 hour before procedure. Anxiety inducing but once I was numbed with local anesthesia, I felt nothing except some mild cramping. The injection didn't hurt and caused no serious side effects. No smell. No excessive bleeding. Felt fine post-LEEP but did experience some bleeding. It's been less than a week so I'll update if anything spooky happens, if no updates then expect everything went fine. No intercourse/tampons/etc for 3 to 6 weeks.
Tips: -Prioritize self care throughout this experience especially. It'll help you stay calm and heal. -Dress comfy for procedures -Take some snacks and water to your appointments for post-procedure ick -Do your research. Knowledge is power even if it makes you uncomfortable. Youtube was a great resource for me, I like to see what's going to happen before it does. Just try not to get worked up like I did. -Ask questions. If a doctor makes you feel stupid, see another doctor if possible. -Have someone with you for support and to make sure you get home ok -If you experience fever, intense pain, soaking through pads, or notice any weird smell: GO TO A DOCTOR

"Well, my lord, what now?"
Mircea looked over his shoulder and saw his most trusted men, led by Vintilă, regarding him from the doorway. A wave of fear rose in his gut; would they betray him? There had been attempts at betrayal before, when he first fled Târgoviște to seek Hunyadi's aid. There had been boyars...
But then, those few had been or were being sought out, but for a few who immediately bent the knee when he rode triumphant back into the city.
His city, now.
But still, those who were close, who were trusted, could turn. They could betray, could hurt. Mircea's own father had been one to betray, after all.
But Father was dead, and these men were trusted because they had been with him all the way thus far.
"My lord?" Vintilă said, and Mircea met his gaze.
"I am thinking," the Voievod of Wallachia said, "of all the work we have done, and of all the work that lies still ahead of us."
"What part of the work will you undertake first, my lord?"
"First? First, we will find the remnants of support for Vladislav, and for any other relations of mine who may seek to glorify themselves, and we will crush them. If like serpents they wait, ready to strike, we must cut off their heads. If like a fire they smolder, waiting to spread, we must stomp them out!"
That got a great cheer from the men, and Mircea raised a hand.
"But for this next few days," he went on, "we will rest, and will gather our strength. Vintilă, tell me, is my sister safe at your estates?"
"Of course, my lord. She is my own betrothed. I would let no harm befall her."
"And my good mother?"
"She waits there with your sister, my lord."
"Good. Call for a scribe. I will send a letter to let my mother and sister know of my victory, and of how soon, we shall all be a family again."
Vintilă's mouth quirked up in half a smile, and he nodded to Mircea.
"As you wish, my lord."
"As to the rest of you," Mircea said to the others, "go and rest yourselves. Eat, be comfortable. But don't get too comfortable yet, hmm? We still have work to do."
Nov.-Dec. 1447—Desperate Flight By Blood Ascended Chronological Listing

She’s showing off a scrub daddy kit.
Cash is yelling in the background. Now he’s on screen with her in a “clean” but stained shirt.
The tv is blaring in the background.
Cash is off screen and back to yelling in the background.
I guess he walked up to her. She asked him what he wanted and then she immediately offered him pancakes.
Cash just screamed ow. She didn’t even pause the live to check on him just yelled “what happened did you step on a letter”
Said they’re gonna go to the trampoline park at 5. Does anyone have a copy of the schedule she posted? I don’t think 5:00 on a school night is time to go to the trampoline park.
She asked for prayers for Colt because he has a test coming up but then didn’t explain about the test.
Now HG is yelling for her and she didn’t even acknowledge him.
I guess Colt’s test is something about math. I genuinely hope he does well and is gaining something from going to school despite constantly missing days and probably being exhausted when he is there cause Judy never lets him sleep.
Colt might get into ABA therapy because of something his school initiated the paperwork. Again, I hope it works out for him and whatever happens with custody she doesn’t pull him out and try to homeschool him.
Someone just asked about established meal times 😂. Who was it. Now she’s saying Cash fell asleep late and slept late so he woke up late so meal time had to be moved back. I have a toddler who thinks sleep is a fun option. You know what I do when she falls asleep late? I still wake her up around the same time everyday so that way those late nights are an exception not the norm.
Saying Colt is aggressive and she knows she’s gonna catch shit for saying that. No shit Joanne. She’s saying Colt got aggressive with Cash yesterday.
The background sounds so chaotic. It’s overstimulating me and I’m in a dark room with no extra noise letting my daughter nap.
She said this is gonna be a commercial live. Whatever that means.
Said she has no motivation today. But said when she’s more motivated chit chatting with “us”. As someone with ADHD I get that. But podcasts and audiobooks help me stay on task. Body doubling videos were suggested because they do work. She said she uses them but idk when she would. She’s always on live “cleaning.”
She just told Cash to say “buy a scrub daddy”.
ZM is in her live talking with her like everything is okay.
She’s back to shilling the scrub daddy kits. She said she uses them everyday.
Said Colt has anxiety about going to the barber that’s why they gave him one at home 🙄. And he likes the way his hair looks. Even the anxiety about going to the barber is true they could’ve at least used scissors and not fucking clippers to cut his hair ?
Just told cash to say “go buy this” again.
Said Colt says kids at school are mean but he says she’s mean when he doesn’t get his way. Way to invalidate your kid telling you he’s getting bullied Joanne.
Said she has to talk about the kit every 45 seconds or she’ll get a violation and she’s already had two because she wasn’t showing it.
Saying she’s tired but needs to clean with her scrub daddy kit.
Cash is still hovering behind her. She told him again to say “go buy this.”
Someone I’m guessing Cash wants her phone. She offered him his iPad or the computer but letting any of the kids have her phone is a hard no today.
Okay sorry yall. I gotta wake my daughter up so she isn’t up all night

--⧼ BEGIN Broadcast Message ⧽--
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Priority Level: Urgent
:: From ::
Center Arm of the Emperor, Planet Laran
:: To ::
All Survivors of Fellow Royal Cast Broods
:: Message ::
The Emperor has graciously permitted the use of his Excellency's summer home on Planet Laran, located in the Empire's Center Arm, as a temporary refuge during the unprecedented violent Terran offences against His Holiness and the holiness of the Omni-brood of Ix.
:: Attachments ::
Coordinates and Flight Key
:: Royal Cryptographic Signature ::
Lord La'Ix, The Emperor's Right-Center Arm
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
--⧼ END Broadcast Message ⧽--

earlier

"CURSE THEM! The great houses are going to have my bloody head for this! There is no way this should've happened and under my command too! The Golden Emperor's own exotic holiday world has gone to ash and the only one to blame is going to be me. Well it was basically my watch anyways. Curse. Them. All"
Those were the only legible sounds one could hear among the frantic stamping of one particular Ixian lord as he hurried away through the underbrush of the royal reserve just outside the centre palace. The same Ixian lord that, only hours earlier, was delighting in his typical cooked boar while enjoying his evening's entertainment of a young Terran girl running for her life from a loose Laran tiger. Something about the way those bipeds run always makes him laugh. Some similarly caste Ixian would call this form of entertainment childish, lowbrow, and immature. He would tend to agree. But sometimes he just wanted cheap slapstick humour. The day to day life of the royal caste tends to get dull with all the fine arts an Ixian of his caste is meant to enjoy.
"How did it all go to shit!?! I was always attentive, and there hasn't been an uprising since those terrans were tamed for the palace. I mean we mostly neuter the problematic ones anyways, so why all the sudden aggression?", he shouted in agitation at the emptiness in front of him.
Speeding through the royal garden which in actuality is a repurposed Savannah of the island the palace is on. The Ixian was a beast of speed. Perfectly honed and trained over decades, and genetically maintained over eons, he always proudly held that he was the fasted in his brood of 16. Making a name for himself among the other broodkin for being the most genetically suited for the rank of high general (not that there was any need for generals, there hasn't been need for war in so long). Of course the Ixians always pride themselves in having no excess potential, and adapting your environment to suit your biology, but it never hurts to have perfect biology. That's the true pride of an Ixian.
That innate need to change the universe rather than changing themselves is what led to their vast interstellar empire. One that reached from constellation to constellation and then eventually to the arms of entire galaxies, terraforming worlds to the same environment they were already adapted to. Since forcing nature into one's bidding was the most sacred duty of any that shared a lick of Ix biology.
Which was why the Ix was confident in themselves. This Ixian in particular surely felt surprised, but mainly he was only moderately upset at the sudden change of situation, from being comfortable in the royal dining hall to sudden exercise.
"Everything can be changed back. Everything can be changed back." It repeated the mantra to itself. As it began to relax and turn its snarled sharp mouth into a toothy grin.
"Yes, there is nothing to worry about at all. Then let's make a game plan. Just need to make it to the space port at the harbour. Grab a ride out and find someone else to take the fall. That old royal butler is as ancient as the dirt of the broodworld. Hell, he probably was there when it vanished in the shadow of the holy empire's long past." chuckling to himself at the quite witty remark, but saddened that no one else was there to hear it.
Should be realistic enough for the others to believe. But first things first, I need to reach the harbour-master. It thought while its dense muscles powered the beastly lizard-like form on its journey, as it bound in the direction of its destination at top speed on all fours.
The blood red sun was already kissing the horizon by the time the Ixian went to nearly collapse under exhaustion of the extended sprint. He hasn't ran this far and fast than when he a young broodling that won competitions and competitions in the royal sports. I think I might have overdid it. He thought while massaging the oncoming threat of a sneaky cramp in his hind leg.
The Ixian were well known for speed. But their stamina was another thing. There bodies simply didn't have the evolved features for long distance travel. There was never truly any need in the past, as their very steady and controlled climate and sparsely diverse ecosystem on Ix never truly required much challenge.
It turned its panting head to face the way it came, gazing proudly at the great distance it made in such a short while.
But something was off by that view. Something different to what he was expecting. The view itself was mostly fine. Well, as fine as a smoking mark in the distance, presumably from the summer palace being engulfed in flame and spitting great plumes of black smoke. But no, something about this view chilled him to this spine. Craning his neck from his vantage point he could swear there was a small speck in the distance.
What on great Ix is that?
All of a sudden realisation hit like a rock on a peaceful pond. Something was following him. Something unknown and cold was making its way to his location. He was certain it wasn't any of his guards, all guards permitted to serve under the royal summer home were Ixian of course. Physically bred for their strength and speed, and placed into roles of importance like protecting the higher caste such as himself. (Whereas this day being the only exception). It did look like he was the only Ixian that actually made it out of the palace so far. Ixians are able to cover short distances in phenomenal speed, akin to a scaly 4 legged beast of the hunt.
No this was something else.
Feeling a very small panic build up inside, but veiling that cold, unwanted terror as impatience at how far he still needs to travel yet. Lord La'Ix flexed his anterior legs and sped on leaving behind a red-yellow cloud of dust in his wake.
He frowned. Feeling strange at a never before felt sensation. Like something in the back of his perfectly designed brain was screaming a silent, but terrifyingly familiar warning.
"Ix itself is an ancient world. Temperate in climate, while abundant in vegetation and small game. It is unknown how the Ixian was formed on paradise.
The old priest can drum into your heads that I'Ix made us into being by indenting his form in the sand of the first beach and filling the shape with his life. Moulding us into being.
The heretic would counter and say we evolved from a previous species akin to ourselves over the course of untold lengths of time.
The philosopher would suggest that only on paradise would the sentient universe fill in the space for the perfect beings to enjoy the fruits of existence.
Lastly, even the lowest caste Ixian would point and laugh at the rest and say 'why talk about antiquity, when we can make more paradise to fill the heavens'."
-A popular Ixian parable
Lord La'Ix bolted up all of a sudden from his resting spot. Heart suddenly beating frantically. The stars had barely enough time to shift positions when last rested his weary body, only a couple hours must have passed since dusk fell and the world plunged into night.
The silence of the Savannah made sound from afar travel better. Aside from the quiet rustling of the wind he wasn't so sure what he heard. Assuming his bored ears were playing tricks on him.
Calming down, curling up on the flat cool rock he found he started to drift to the shadowless lands where all Ixian go when they dream...
Drums, no, not drums. Some sort of mechanical tool? Not that I ever heard of a tool that just beat the ground senseless. A strange beating sound could be heard, pounding into the ground. As he stayed frozen and very awake, he could have sworn it was getting louder. Closer.
CRACK. SNAP. CRACK.
Suddenly the entire valley echoed the sounds of a few broken sticks.
La'Ix jumped up, whirling around, and came to face something approaching fast that could only be described as a cold predator, not that there were any predators on the homeworld's recorded history. But every cell in his aching body reacted the same. DANGER, DANGER, RUN, RUN.
The silver light of the planet's 3 moons barely lit the valley but what that light bounced off of was a figure in motion. Front Legs pumping up and down, nostrils flaring, eyes too close together, and pupils so large it was like staring at darkness itself.
Hold on there are only 2 legs right? Sudden familiarity hit him hard, memories of last night's entertainment stained his mind. In the name of Ix is that a Terran?!?
La'Ix didn't realise it then, but it was looking at a Terran, despite the Terrans characteristics looking different to the standard slave he was used to seeing. The pumping body of the runner was made for such long distances. Sweat acting as a cooling mechanism, making the man glisten in the harsh moonlight, the enlarged nostrils taking in all the air the body needs for this type of strenuous activity. And the enlarged pupils, made for adjusting to low light environments.
Down on the plains of the Savannah were two creatures. One a perfect evolutionary miracle, practically evolution's first try gone right, Perfectly made for its environment and was never truly exposed to varying climates and environments. And the other, having crawled through the primordial ooze, and struggled and fought its way through dangers, diseases, and competition on its own horrifying world. Where deadly heat in deserts can dry out any living thing, and such freezing poles that can turn anything that enters it in pure ice.
The man's lean and sweat-slicken form was steadily making its way towards the frozen statue of La'Ix. Just as he got within 50 paces did La'Ix sprint away scattering pebbles in its path the echoes of which bounced back from the valley's sharp walls. Undeterred, the chaser kept steadily running. Jaws grit. Eyes locked on afar.
And afar was its prey. Sprinting away.
HOW IN IX'S NAME DID THAT THING KNOW WHERE I AM? The La'Ix in a fit of sudden excitement mixed with a heavy dose of panic, began its high octane sprint from the sudden looming threat of being found. Hind Legs propelling the creature's body forward, while its front arms, which were historically also for four legged locomotion, pulled the terrain closer with each stride. Increasing its momentum until it reached max speed.
"Broodling La'Ix!" said a stern but educated voice.
"Huh? Oh! Yessir!" a young Ix jumped to attention still thinking about more enjoyable things specifically outside of the classroom walls.
"Well? Can you please answer my question or will you make your other broodkin wait until Ix falls to ash first", the tutor said expectantly, prompting several muffles giggles in the room.
"Sorry sir. What makes the Ixian race its place in eternity is the attention we put in perfection. After our home-world of Ix's climate and terrain began to change, the leaders from antiquity decreed we carry on the spirit of the home-world in maintaining a consistent biological and genetic profile that will always be suited to Ix's surface. As we change worlds to be more like Ix, we can spread the spirit of Ix to them. As such, Change is- uh, change is..."
"Change is the poison of perfection, Remaining unchanged for Ix enable us to carry its spirit to other planets in the heavens", continued the tutor. "Well you certainly paid some attention to today's lesson at the very least. But remember that final part. It's the last of the core tenants you will need to remember."
"Yessir!"
A good half night passed on the surface of the Savanna. Where a previously noble and alert Ixian who took great care in appearances and status was no longer to be seen. Instead of that proud domineering alien representative of ix was a dishevelled, dusty, ragged creature, dehydrated, hungry, and exhausted from the various sprints it forced itself to endure to stay ahead of fate's ever closing hand.
Is this the sword of Damocles that was mentioned in the ancient Terran records? Always hanging down on those who hold power and seek more? Fate's sharp blade? But why me? I was never in any real power. All I wanted out of this life was a comfortable posting with no dirt and grime from the lower worlds. Why me? Why now? Why do I-
La'Ix snapped himself out of a daze. Is he here- No, no I should be far far away from that Terran now. Maybe I can find some-
A dim glow interrupted its train of thought. Much too early to be the Sunrise on the Emperor's summer planet, and much to low to be the light from one of it's 2 moons. It was a light from a town.
"That's right!" The Ixian barely managed to rasp in between haggard breaths. Its body barely able to continue the amount of self inflicted abuse it has suddenly been put in.
A lot more hunched over than the Ixian was earlier. It made its way towards a small town it knew was in between the palace and the harbour. The emperor loved his royal rustic towns and villages. It is said that his royal emperor would sometimes tour around them marvelling at the romantic theme of a simple rustic life. Although getting a personal town full of Ixians required a lot of lower caste be forced into long and expensive work contracts as background entertainers for the king's planet, all this excessive show of wealth was partially for peackocking the emperor's reputation, and partially for his own personal enjoyment. The Emperor is almost culturally required to flaunt his royal wealth in all forms in order to keep connections with all the royal houses. An emperor that doesn't shower their supporting aides and houses with grand gifts is fated to eventually be found cold on the floor of the royal banquet due to 'suicide from accidentally ingesting poison', as was the previous emperor.
To avoid such an unfortunate passing, the Higher Royals would trade vast resources, delicacies, and even exotic slaves to court 'royal favours'. Slaves of the Terran variety especially are considered to be the most unique of gifts the empire has ever acquired.
Terrans weren't necessarily large and bulky. Fighters were assigned to the Slave Obniraks. Powerful creatures used to fill the fields on tougher worlds where mechanical services would be deemed to expensive. The growth of a Obnirak into full working adulthood is only a few cycles. Meaning mass producing a workforce is quite an easy feat.
Terrans instead would take vast cycles to mature from a childling to an average adult. Meaning growing a slave force would take vast quantities of resources, immense patience, and strict guidance from their owners as to not create faulty creatures. All of which increases the general standing on any house that manages to keep a vast amount of Terran slaves in the best quality.
Terrans weren't necessarily docile and obedient. That role was perhaps given to the oldest slave race the Ix ever controlled. The Iralisa. It was known that they were made remarkably docile due to generations upon generations of select breeding, and pruning off the 'aggressive traits' from the gene pool. However, that led to the adverse effect of physically weakening them to a point where such docility and lack of a frame to keep up with their workload led to a general lack of Ixian interest and were subsequently purified.
Terrans are notoriously independent and herd-minded in larger quantities. Similar to growing a very stubborn Terulian Rose Vine. Which only looks impressive when great care have been given. Terrans need to be given an illusion of being ever so slightly free. Which typically involves owning vast amounts of land and nature to let them roam and graze. Of course, the only ones that can accommodate grand work forces of Terrans are the larger houses with the appropriate territory for humans, as is studied in the Ixian art of Servitude.
One can only guess which species is the Emperor's favourite.
The following town should indeed have both, low caste Ixians, and possibly none of the Emperor's favourite slaves.
The Ixian approached the glowing town. As it reached closer it straightened its back, upright on its hindlegs in the royal fashion. And proclaimed. "It is I! La'Ix, royal courtier. Lend me aid imme-"
Something is off. Not a single shadow in the town, I can see lights but no movement, where is every-
After turning the corner to the center of the small town, the dustied and weary creature froze in its tracks when it saw it. A pit nearly as wide as an Ixian land cruiser and who knows how deep filled with a stench so powerful it watered his eyes. Despite the Ixian's lack of a proper sense of smell. It knew the foul fetor of death.
The crudely dug pit was nearly overflowing when he approached it. Large, smoking, smouldering pyres cast that eerie light that had drawn him in.
"H-how? Wha-What the..." he trailed off when a local species of Laran boar growled and squealed as it tore a dead Ixian limb from the mountain of corpses.
"Who could've..."
He stopped. The shock of seeing his own kind laid like broken dolls in a bleeding pit slowly faded, replaced by a numbness. The Ixian had just noticed they were of Ix. Only of Ix.
Not a single terran colour was visible in the black and spotted pit of bodies. Not a single slave body was visible.
I-Impossible...
His legs gave way, either from the strain of the entire nights run, the horror facing him, or the threat from behind. He just dropped.
Minutes passed, or hours. It was hard to tell. But the Ixian lay slumped. Body unwilling to move further. Battered flesh unwilling to be propelled by a shattered spirit.
Mind slowly spinning up again. Thoughts began whirring to life in its mind. Could the rumours actually have been true? It had read the sparse reports of odd activity from certain Ixian-controlled worlds on the outer arms of the empire. Small uprisings of unknown origin. Hardly anything of note. If it had no affect on the greater houses then it was of no real concern to Ix and its emperor.
Could this threat have made its way to the centre arm already? Impossible. But what else could have done this to us?
Something caught the Ixian's eyes. In the middle of the pit it stood. A large stake, wet with deep Ixian crimson, dripping ever so slowly. Towering over the pit like a battlefield flag was a head of an Ixian rammed onto the tip of the spike. But the particular detail that caught the Ixian's eyes was a symbol cut into the flesh of the large forehead.
Looking from the outward-in. Eight concentric rings, which proceeded to get smaller and smaller in size until it reached a dark mass at the centre of the symbol. The Ixian never forgot the symbol and the affect it had on it.
Eight concentric rings, and a centre mass. Eight rings, and a mass. Eight- Eight what? Eight planets? And a star? ...
A growing pool of cold dread rose in its guts that made it shiver despite the fair night. This dread reflected the sharp reality on its frigid surface.
This Ixian was well-bred, well-trained, and well-educated. Although anyone with a basic education would know of such a pattern.
Terra and her sisters. THEIR star system...
Thump, thump, thump, thump.
It's not possible!-
Knowing what that sound meant, the Ixian tried to whirl around, its body barely being able to heed its masters commands. Just when it was starting to move again it felt it.
Sudden sharp agony. Sudden sharp, raging agony. The Ixian looked at it's hind leg. A sharpened wooden stake was jutting out of it.
It loud out a tight lipped scream, as it grasped the pulsating wound as one does immediately after an injury. It barely had enough time to look up at its attacker when the Terran bolted forward, shortening the distance between hunter and prey from metres to mere paces. The Ixian barely had enough time to block the hand grasping the knife as the arm flew forward at the last minute with a crash.
What phenomenal force!
Using the momentum from that sprint plus the wind up of his arm. The Terran was able to impart a phenomal show of force for a creature its size. That's when La'Ix for the first time saw a human in its raw unchanged form. Great beads of sweat collecting dust on its brow, to prevent it from entering the eyes. The constant release of sweat from the countless pores on its soft fleshy skin. Constant cooling? Even the visible veins and capillaries visible from the fire light.
What a beast of endurance-
Suddenly the horizon fell before the Ixian only to reveal the inky black sky dotted with pigments from stars like a painters masterpiece. When did I look up? Then a crash and blunt force from the ground.
The Ixian had been toppled over by that ferocious exchange of force.
Barely able to get up due to the wind being knocked out of its single large lung, the searing pain in its hind leg, and the exhaustion from the chase. It was too late. The terran was already on top of it. Taking up the entire view of the sky as the terran stepped forward into its field of vision.
The sudden perspective change made a once small and frail looking slave look grander than life, grander than all the legends told to Ixian broodlings.
The punches rained down. Repeatedly. A constant bombardment of beating rained like the drops of rain before the first dew. The previous pain in its leg forgotten, to invite a new visitor in the form of blunt force trauma. So ferocious were the raw blows to its carapace that the Ixian felt the exoskeleton crack under the increasing pressure and strain.
Something cracked, another thing snapped. The amount of pain too much to comprehend. The neurons firing in its second brain just assumed it was everywhere. Its half-working eye glimpsed the fist as it came down for the nth time. Red and split knuckles, revealing pure white bone beneath—a reinforced weapon. The perfect natural offence. All the muscles moved to propel it downwards where something else cracked and split.
Is this where I die?
As if understanding its fate the Ixian's form slumped over. Its body barely holding onto the natural exoskeleton shielding that covered its chest and facial area. Fluids leaking from the cracks that went too deep, and who knows how many internal ribs are shattered.
Its body, knowing that that more movement will cause more injuries, and further stimuli would confuse it further. It simply shut down.
The last moments it had as it fell backwards on its side. Was a small running figure. Hand clutching wooden spears. But the truly petrifying sight was behind it. A vast shadow flickering from the light of the lit pyres from the hunter in front of it. A shadow cast so large, jagged, and menacing it appeared to swallow the town whole.
And into a hole did the Ixian fall. A vacuum with no sensation or thought. Just darkness.
How... did we never notice such a... monster... in their... shadow...
All Ixians were taught about 'violence' and 'conflict' at an early age. As a sort of rite of passage that any of them would go through as they survive their early broodling days. As Ix have no natural predators, they had begun to instil a serving of some necessary conflict to keep their generations fresh and somewhat physically strong. As a precaution, only rudimentary forms of civil sports, races, shows of strength and courage were ever really explored. But always in a controlled and calm settings, as there would never be any true need for actual conflict.
As there was always a need to maintain ones own environment. The need never arose for the development of fighting techniques and schools of training. That was one of the best parts of being an Ix that many thought. Having supreme control over the worlds you inhabit means setting gravity, atmospheric pressure, humidity, and temperatures to the perfect levels for comfort replaced any need for biological change. Why grow when you can keep everything the same way, how you like it.
They were a vast empire. An empire of statues.
-Excerpt from the history of extra-solarian species, Author unknown
It awoke to a burning radiating heat from in front. The large sun was already starting to set on the horizon when it awoke. Had a whole day passed? Or two?
Trying to block the setting sun from its eyes it couldn't. "What?...", barely made out in a whisper.
I'm tied up.
And indeed the Ixian was right. Tied up next to a small brook, with a scorching fire in front of it. The monster nowhere to be seen.
"No good... it's too tight", it grunted in an attempt to escape its bindings.
Going slack in defeat it avoided any additional movement. Not having the energy to spare to move. It was lucky to have always been lazy at shedding its carapace - a frequent nag from its broodmother - might just have become its salvation in this case.
Thank Ix.
So there it stayed.
Hours passed. The Sun fully set and the stars awake in this dark world barely lit up the wildlands. Only the prisoner in this cone of firelight existed out here.
A rustling up ahead caught the prisoner's attention disturbing the eerily still silence of the Savannah night. And ungodly horror of a squeal ruptured the air invoking a deep visceral terror within the bound prisoner. Something. Something close but just outside the firelight was eyeing it, glinting from beyond the light. Those dark predatory eyes stabbed the prisoner with a sudden coldness. All while the squealing suddenly halted. SNAP. SQUELCH.
Now it came, emerging into the light. A beast. Holding a knife in one bloodied hand, dripping on the dirt. And dragging by the leg, a massive adult Laran boar grotesquely smearing thick blood still warm from the cut in the neck on the dirt.
The prisoner watched, barely moving, barely breathing. Frozen with the horror in front of it as the bloodied carcass was skinned; fur sliced away with harsh, scraping sounds with the crude knife. Spurting remaining blood all over the site.
The pink naked flesh then washed in the brook, leaving a distinct smell of oxidised blood in the air, before being skewered and roasted over the roaring flames. Fat popping violently in the heat.
In this gruesome display, the beast revealed not just a fate for the boar, but a dark hint of what might come. The realisation struck deep—this could be more than just a demonstration; it was a terrifying preview of its own potential end.
It passed out again.
Only to be awoken by the haunting echoes of a wild, desperate squeal that once thrummed through the savannah's eerie silence. Dare it open its eyes?
After a great heavy effort -utilizing its every last drop of courage- one eye cracked open. And what it saw. Made it regret ever having done so.
Right across from it, the hunter was a grotesque silhouette against the flickering fire. Grasping a severed boar leg was a mouth viciously biting, ripping, tearing into the flesh with primal ferocity. Each bite was deliberate, each tear of sinew was a clear, calculated demonstration of supreme savagery. Its jaw muscles bulged with the force of a bite.
All the while, the eyes—deep, abyssal pits—fixed intently on the prisoner. Deepest black pits stared back at it. Watching. Observing. Calculating, with a dark intelligence. it was calculating. It was relishing the terror it inspired and the control it exerted. Or planning its next meal.
The sounds of ripping flesh filled the thick, blood-soaked air. Deep into the night. Deep into this never-ending nightmare.
Never once did the prisoner move. Not an iota. Frozen in abject horror.
The night passed quietly. After the feast the human had, or the desecration of life that the prisoner saw, whichever way you look at it. The human nodded off to sleep. Content in the success of his mission. But the tied up creature had no such rest. Sending silent pleas to the stars that it might be saved. But not daring to make a sound, less it awaken that sleeping horror. Or was it sleeping? Dear Ix, it might be watching me. Feigning sleep to keep an eye on its meal. Dear Ix I'm next...
All through the night, the demons plagued its mind. Until the warmth of the morning rose, and with it the sound of an Ixian cruiser.
Elation could not be an understatement for the tired, tied, beat, and bruised thing. Craning its neck to the direction of the sound about to bellow out an Ixian warning to the demon resting next it.
"BE CAREFUL! THERE'S ONE HERE-". It stopped speaking. That previous elation it felt at a saviour arriving to rescue it from the demons grasp, fizzled out like a drop of water in a drought.
That all so familiar cold remained. And the dryness of despair. As pairs of dark pupils shot back at it.
On the cruiser were tall adult Terrans. Clean cut, well fed, well dressed Terrans. Four, no Six, no eight of them. All hanging onto the side of cruiser while it made its way to their location. Compared to the demon waking up beside it, these creatures were organised. A savageness neatly packaged in a uniform with a symbol. The prisoners eyes grew wide in its sunken sockets. 8 rings, and a centre mass. They must be the cause of, well all this.
Accepting fate, its head fell in part defiance, in part to avoid the stinging eyes of these others. It felt their gaze burn through—cold, cruel, calculating. There is nothing I can do any longer.
"You're finally here. What took you so long?" The runner said to his approaching comrades, "Took all night to catch up to him."
"Hey Jan, great work", the tall militant woman shot back. With a playful punch to his arm. "Guess all that cardio really paid off, didn't I tell you it would!" She let out a playful guffaw.
"Thanks Chel", replied Jan.
"Ok chop chop people, we're on a schedule. We need to reach the port ASAP remember? Come on Jan, rest up all you like, you're still on the clock."
"Aye sir." Jan shot back in a mock salute, gaining a sneer from the commandant, then a sneaky smile.
"Don't forget your trash. And make sure its breathing still."
It creaked open its eyes, seeing pairs of boots moving towards it and standing in front. In silence. Then all of a sudden, felt pairs and pairs of hands pull and tug. and lift it up The thing let out a pathetic silent sob. While it was loaded in the back of the cruiser, face up. Staring at eyes, piercing black dots peering back. It could never understand what was being felt by those eyes and those faces.
Ixians wear their emotions on their carapace; spots and stripes would slowly appear in certain parts, representing emotions and feeling that their bodies felt in a general sense. But the most private thoughts were of course, still kept private.
But this. This was just too foreign. The eyes never stopped. Even in the swaying movement of the cruiser the pupils never broke contact. Those eyes. As if it was peering into it, envelops your entire mind. There was no way to hide, even hiding in his inner self would do no good. Those eyes. Those predator eyes can find me anywhere I try to escape to. Inside and out.
Some times passes.
"You know. I lost good friends to the royal caste. Especially to this one's brood clan or whatever they like to call it." One of them was looking right at it when they said it. It turned its eyes over to the source. A short one, with a slave scar on the neck said it. A scar that shot through his memories. A scar inflicted to property owned by, his brood. This one is dangerous..., it thought.
Jan, and the others didn't look but felt it. The cold darkness in that tone made it clear what it intended to do.
The female militant, Chel, I think her name was. Slowly reached to the side arm on her holster. Sensing the oncoming problem.
"You still understand me don't you? I've had to watch good people die. Damn good people." The scarred one one stood, grabbing the upper rail of the cruiser to steady themselves. "I hear that even if you get ill, you become the entertainment for the night. What was it now?" She paused for a brief second. "Oh I remember".
"Stil" Chel said slowly. "Cool it". Hand still on the butt of the sidearm.
Not hearing or not wanting to reply. Stil continued. "Torn apart by those raptor pets. Hands or feet cut off as souvenirs for those fucked-up parties and those fucked-up guests. Oh yea, and the 'toy play' or whatever they call it. Can't have Ken and Barbie fight back now, can we?"
Stil leaned closer to the now cowering, shaking thing, "I wonder which one was your favourite." The words cut through La'Ix like an icicle. This was the first time these demons actually spoke to it directly. And it didn't like it. It could sense the venom from the words.
"Stil..." Chel slowly got up, hand still at the ready. "I said cool it." The line had a steely warning to it. Chel wouldn't risk the mission. Even if it meant doing what must be done.
Agonizing seconds passed. The cowering, shaking thing seemed to grow whiter and whiter by the second, It's spots clearly showing what it felt. Staring up, Not willing to move but being unable to hide. It felt the absolute crushing weight of the present. Grinding it down to a paste.
Everyone stayed still. The two militants didn't move. The rest didn't seem to even have paid attention to the converstation, still looked away.
Longer passed.
Stil smiled, "Oh come on Chel, you know I wouldn't do anything to our friend here? You know I was just playing around." Stil laughed. Chel didn't react.
Stil immediately crouched, faced the shaking prisoner inches apart eye to eye, and in a whisper said "Right friend?"
She wants me to reply? Dear Ix I can't even think with those eyes in front of me What do I do?! What do I say?!
"Right. Friend?" Stil repeated slower and colder. Like the blade of a surgeon hovering over skin, ready to plunge.
The gears of its Ixian brain grinded to a screeching halt. In utter desperation to find a reply it simply gave up. Instead, it felt a warmth slowly spread. Slowly spread between its hind legs. It had released its bladder.
"BAHAHAHAHA LOOK AT IT" Stil roared in laughter. The sound of it rattling the prisoners brain with the sound. Disorienting its senses. "NOW THAT'S CLASSIC TIMING IF I'VE EVER SEEN IT!" She plopped back down face red and still laughing.
The Ixian didn't know what to do but tremble and sob silently on the cold surface of the cruiser surrounded by laughter. and the warmth of its piss. It tried to plug its ears. But the sound still came. Laughter. Laughter. Laughter. Dear Ix, what are these demons... where are they taking me? To hell?...
The cruiser kept cruising. Towards the port across the island. Trailing laughter behind. Or to the sobbing wreck of a thing, demonic cackling.
The scent of familiarity wafted into the senses of the prisoner as the cruiser started to slow. The smell of the salt, the chirping of familiar aviaries. Sound of the crash of sea. The port.
Braving a sentence for the first time in for what seems eternity. It let out a question "...w..w..where ... why... are... ... we ...h... here?" It managed to say shakily, eyes downcast.
As if in response, a sharp shove greeted it from the back and a hard hit on the ground was as much of an answer it was getting.
"Move it", Jan said gruffly.
They walked. the ixian still bound but free to walk in the middle of the group of humans. Towards a destination still not known. The walk twisted, and turned, and twisted again. One thing struck out to the prisoner. It was too clean, especially for what it was expecting, it's last experience being in the previous blood-soaked town laden with bodies and carrion eaters.
The port town was completely silent, free from the regular hustle and bustle it usually had even when the emperor was not present. And superbly clean. Not a single piece of dirt to be seen. Not a single Ixian either. Where did everyone go? Did they make it out somehow when these invaders came?
In the background, the surf broke relentlessly.
Piercing eyes caught the prisoners glance, as it wandered curiously around the town. Realising its mistake La'Ix tried to look away but the burning gaze gripped his own.
As if reading its soul. The human answered the hidden question bubbling up in La'Ix. "You should've seen them your royal majesty". The one called Stil said while bending in mocking courtesy.
The surf pounded the shore even more loudly now.
"They don't swim well. Especially the young ones. They dropped like stones. Turning all white by the time they stopped moving."
Louder now. The sea roared.
Nothing came. Not a thought in La'Ix's mind. Its mind struggled to comprehend the depth of what was said by Stil, the scarred human.
The waves boomed louder now. Louder than the sun, echoing louder than the screams of all the Ixians that must have perished.
It saw the lips of the standing-devil in front of it. But all the came from its blood red lips were obscured by the sound of the pounding of the waves. The echoes of drowned kin, thudding and slapping against the shore, merged with the relentless surf in La'Ix's mind.
This is for our sins.
Wave after wave, the relentless surge continued, each one a haunting reminder of the souls lost to the sea, each crash a ghostly thud of bodies hitting the shore.
Very slowly did some exhausted neuron in the Ixian's head come to a conclusion as to how these creatures in front of it can be so relentless, so cruel, and so evil. When pushed to beyond its breaking point, did their true carnivorous instincts rear their ugly head.
Oh dear Ix. What sort of environment could breed such demons?
La'Ix didn't remember what happened next. The memories feel like a distant dream now as he sits watching the port sky now.
The aching brand on his forehead of the 8 ringed system, pulsed in pain—a departing gift from his newly made friends, stung from the salty sea air.
He barely recalls the staggered walk from the empty inter-arm transmission office and the inputting of his biometric royal seal. He barely even remembers the message that was sent under his name and signature
And even less does he remember what he heard what will happen next.
All alone now, he stares at the sky of the empty port town. As he watches more royal ships enter the atmosphere.
He gazes upward, thoughtlessly, statue-like Knowing fate will come for them all. Fate in the form of piercing black eyes and a monster so large it can fit in a shadow.
A single thought, carried its way from above the despair to the surface. Slowly. Like a bubble in a pool of tar.
What was I meant to tell the emperor again?

There is no wrong answer here really, I've asked this question to a few other people pertaining SPECIFICALLY to my circumstance and have gotten a variety of answers, so I'm just curious.
My boyfriend and I live together, and we work the same job with the same wages, for reference. We split our bills all 50/50, so rent, electricity, wifi, and groceries. We carpool together with my car to work but I pay entirely for the gas, as he says it's "my car and I'd be driving it there anyways".
So here's where the problem lies, we come from very different backgrounds, my family struggles and I cannot get any financial support from them at all, so on top of our split bills I also pay a car payment and car insurance, and a phone bill. My city is not at all walkable and I need some form of communication in case of emergency, as my city can also be dangerous. These bills are not negotiable. I need health insurance but I can't afford that with everything else that I pay, but I have many chronic illnesses and get sick often.
My boyfriends family on the other hand is in a place where they can pay for almost everything for him. He was gifted a car when he got his license, he doesn't pay for the upkeep, he doesn't pay for car insurance, he did not buy his own phone nor does he pay his phone bill, and he is on his families health insurance. He does pay for his own gas but he insists on me driving as often as possible so he really doesn't put much in gas either.
He will doordash every single day on lunch, and several times a day during the weekend if I decide that I don't feel like cooking. At one point he was calling out of work once a week for a couple months with no PTO and was still not hurting for money.
Even if I were to disregard all of this, he knows with everything I HAVE to pay, that I struggle, but will get upset or hold it against me when he rarely has to pay a little over 50/50 for groceries or cover a tank of gas for me, he'll question where all my money went as if I've spent it on things I'm not supposed to.
The other big problem with this is that he wants to move to a fancier side of our city once our lease lets up, but still wants to maintain 50/50 on everything. I don't mind living on the south side of my city, it's not terrible and there are worse parts, but he insists he wants to live in a nicer place on a nicer side of town and closer to work, and I just can't afford that. I can hardly afford what we have now. I'm just frustrated and need some advice on what to do here, in this situation is 50/50 fair? Especially with what all he wants as well?

It occurred to me that my previous post Changing Gears left people hanging. So, I felt compelled to follow up and give an answer.
Part 2.
So, I would say we have hit upon a link of sorts that exists between Merck and CytoDyn that cannot be denied.
As I alluded to in that post, there must have been a massive conflict of interest in CytoDyn's management BOD and Cyrus' intentions when it came time to making the decision to proceed or not to proceed with a fully funded MD Anderson combination Keytruda Clinical Trial for mCRC. While it would have been greatly in favor of CytoDyn to pursue this trial, the BOD incredulously made the unbelievable decision to walk away from it, completely against Cyrus' wishes. As we know, "Any government divided cannot stand. It will fall... eventually."
Was there an argument between Cyrus and Tanya? I'd say more than likely yes. He was still VP and remains as such. I believe the reason why the BOD decided the way they did was due to their 1st allegiance to the FDA and not doing anything that would risk the hold getting lifted. After all, they came too far to blow it at the last mile. However, it remains possible, that Merck did not want the MD Anderson Phase II Combination trial for mCRC to happen. After all, Merck just completed their own trial of Keytruda with their own CCR5 blockade Vicriviroc and the trial just finished last week. It failed. Maybe they needed time to see if their own CCR5 blockade would work before experimenting with ours at MD Anderson?
Could Merck have influenced the BOD in one way or another and push to cancel the free trial? The trial that Cyrus arranged which would provide CytoDyn with a vast amount of FREE unequivocal Research Data so valuable to CytoDyn. That would have provided that pot of gold, free of charge to CytoDyn. The unassailable and unequivocal data set which Cyrus absolutely required in order to properly present the Company to Big Pharma so as to receive proper bids and valuation. Merck could have been against proceeding in this trial because they had their own to try first and that might have influenced our BOD to pull the plug. Maybe Merck said, "wait, we want to try out our drug first. If it fails, we will be knocking on your door." And that was all which was necessary to get the BOD to comply.
Now, with Dr. Lalezari as CEO, CytoDyn is back on board in the pursuit of mCRC and his decision is supreme. Why wouldn't that fully funded MD Anderson trial still be an option? Maybe it still is available, but it would have to be a combination trial ONLY. The two drugs cannot be pitted one against the other. You cannot have leronlimab beating Keytruda. No absolutely not. Given that Keytruda is on the ticket, the FDA accepts the trial.
From this BioSpace Article March, 2023, Cyrus confidently asserted:

"These are both areas where checkpoint inhibitors have failed to show efficacy when added to a standard-of-care backbone, Arman said, adding that leronlimab has shown positive signals in both.
“From a mechanistic standpoint, we believe we could get a synergistic effect with a checkpoint inhibitor,” he said.
Leronlimab is currently being trialed in combination with Keytruda (pembrolizumab) in a breast cancer xenograft model in partnership with MD Anderson Cancer Center.
Arman said CytoDyn expects to observe an enhanced anti-tumor effect from the combination and identify immunological biomarkers."

From the May 2024 Letter to Shareholders, Dr. Lalezari stated:

"It is imperative that the Company generate unassailable results in the clinic and I believe the above trials can accomplish this. Starting the oncology study and related fundraising is the top priority of the Company at this time"

Both of them boldly claim the effectiveness of leronlimab in mCRC. Cyrus says it could generate a synergistic effect with Keytruda resulting from the combination of the two drugs, while Lalezari points to the unassailable results both must have appreciated. Certainly, both men have also seen the unassailable results that shall be described in the coming (2) journal articles in mTNBC. When Amarex was forced to hand over the raw data of these trials, it had to be decoded and put into FDA Good Clinical Practice format which took hours and hours of painstaking work, but it got done thanks to Bernie Cunningham, Joseph Miedling and the auditors Cyrus put into place for such work. What they found must have been truly amazing so as to compel them to put those results into a peer reviewed journal articles.
In my prior thesis which u/psasoffice had also helped me determine, The Timeline and The Connections as to why CytoDyn pulled out, I discussed Kivlighn's role in the matter. Remember, I put forth that Kivlighn had pulled it away from Merck. That he took the free trial opportunity away from them so they could just buy us to perform the trial themselves. I said that Kivlighn caused CytoDyn's BOD to pull out of the trial in hopes of forcing Merck to swoop in and buy CytoDyn outright. I wrote:

"Kivlighn needed to determine CytoDyn's best path to partner. Kivlighn began changing the direction of the company while Cyrus Arman was sick. Cyrus was headed down the "do it alone" path. His main goal was MASH, but he also wanted to partner in Oncology and he wanted HIV, cure, long acting and was eyeing the resubmission of HIV-MDR. When Cyrus was out on MLOA, Kivlighn had the opportunity to modify or change Cyrus' original heading. Kivlighn wanted the company sold. He wanted the company partnered or bought out.
At some point, because of the results of the MD Anderson study, I believe Cyrus Arman had negotiated with MD Anderson on a CRC trial where CytoDyn would supply all the leronlimab, while MD Anderson did everything else. MD Anderson offered this to Cyrus and Cyrus was all in. Just waiting for the hold to lift. But, while Cyrus was sick and out on MLOA, and because Kivlighn had Merck experience and because Kivlighn "knew" how to make the company obtain a partnership, he recommended that CytoDyn turn down the MD Anderson offer to perform the CRC trial and to take that away from Merck. Almost like a "bait and switch". Kivlighn was thinking that if Merck really wanted CytoDyn, that they would come on in, swoop down and buy it outright, completely before anything was proven by trial, that might raise the asking price as they knew its capacity already given the study was with Keytruda, MD Anderson and leronlimab. They could do the trial themselves if they bought CytoDyn. Maybe, Kivlighn wanted to prevent Merck from thinking that they can wait to see how well leronlimab does in the MD Anderson sponsored trial which would give Merck some time before making the offer to buy CytoDyn. He wanted to take that away from Merck and force them to buy now. Because if the MD Anderson trial were to proceed in CRC, the good results would make CytoDyn even more valuable. I'm really not sure what Kivlighn was thinking, but whatever it was, it sure did piss off many people, especially Cyrus Arman."

If this conjectured hypothesis is right, then Kivlighn must also have believed, that the data in both the mCRC murine study and the mTNBC trial which he had also seen, in his opinion, was powerful enough such that a Phase II trial was not even necessary and a pull out of the trial would surely induce Merck, (who was also privy to the same murine data), to purchase the Company. What Kivlighn failed to consider though, (if this whole scenario is true), is that CytoDyn never owned the MD Anderson data and CytoDyn now has no way to prove that the MD Anderson results in fact do amaze unless they decide to purchase that data from MD Anderson. In addition, he also failed to recognize that Merck was running their own combination Keytruda + CCR5 Blockade Vicriviroc against mCRC simultaneously. So, then the BOD, Kivlighn and possibly Merck could be all to blame for the cancellation of this otherwise windfall and gratis trial that CytoDyn could have immensely benefited from.
As to the pursuit of what the FDA intended for CytoDyn to proceed once coming off hold, which is the Inflammation and Immune Activation trial, it initially did not draw sufficient support from the public and therefore did not result in an increasing share price to the point to raise funds without completely depleting available shares. Therefore, CytoDyn now has its CEO and VP in concert back on the mCRC train again. But a partner is necessary and fund raising has become #1 priority.
Look, all of the companies are out to find the best weapon against these MSS tumors. Right now, there is no solution. Leronlimab is the solution and the data that proves it is in the hands of MD Anderson. Soon, data for it is forthcoming in the (2) peer reviewed journal articles in mTNBC. But regarding mCRC, that data resides with MD Anderson and it is only in a murine study, but apparently good enough to have been offered a fully funded Phase II combination trial with Keytruda. So, Dr. Lalezari made the decision to shift gears to this new mCRC indication but he needs money. He also needs a partner. But he has Cyrus there at his side and Cyrus somehow got MD Anderson to create this Phase II trial.. How did he do that? He must have spoken to some Merck people, wouldn't you think? to see if they also wanted to take the profound murine mTNBC results and apply them towards mCRC in a fully funded human, phase II combo trial? Maybe he can do it again and if need be, without Keytruda?
But this time around, the only way the trial could be run is as a combination only trial. The two drugs could not be pitted against each other. If they were synergistic before, then they are kept that way. Regardless of which PD-1 blockade is used, it should remain a combination trial because of the partnership. The partnership is more important than which drug is doing the work. But, Why would we want to experiment with another PD-1 blocker when we already have seen the results as synergistic? We wouldn't unless we were forced to. Meaning, Merck fails to enter while another PD-1 comes in and partners. Would that induce a Merck counter bid? Assuming they have found no solution to their expiring patent problem, it probably would.
After all, why is every drug out there failing to extend their patent? Is Keytruda simply unable to treat MSS type tumors despite all means of assistance? But we have evidence of their synergism. Given that the only known substance on Earth that is capable of treating these MSS tumors is leronlimab, why have we not been the #1 choice to combine with? Until now, with the hold said and done with and given the new change in priority to mCRC, and with Merck's Keytruda with their own CCR5 blockade Vicriviroc Trial which failed, will Merck now be interested to take a second look at CytoDyn? How long will this search go on for? How many patients?
The provocative data is coming in peer reviewed journal articles that prove leronlimab treats the very difficult mTNBC. Merck already knows from the murine study that it treats the MSS mCRC tumors. What matters is that they know the data and that the data is unassailable as per Lalezari and Arman. They know that by combining with leronlimab, they would have a successful result. The only problem is that they cannot show that leronlimab is better at it than Keytruda. Therefore, they cannot have a standalone leronlimab arm and a standalone Keytruda arm. The two cannot be pitted against each other. And I thank Respert24 for this ingenious answer.

"Notice they didn't create a Dud-Only arm versus a Keytruda-Only arm. A surefire way to inadvertently show that a different drug is better than your own. Keytruda is already "proven" and is going to want to run a trial that shows they can extend their patent. Similar to this trial, if we ended up in a trial with them it would, in my humble opinion, be Keytruda + LL all day. Maybe both of the doses we've had in studies (350/700).

What I don't expect is a trial that Cytodyn would run if there was no partnership, which is to compare and contrast LL to Keytruda. If Merck is running it they're just trying to show that together you see a better result, and boom! They've got new life and we've got the exciting new darling of the oncology world."
CytoDyn have seen the data on mCRC, but it is not in their pocket. However, they do have the mTNBC data, but no priority to target that right now. Is that because, Merck or MD Anderson might have an interest in treating mCRC MSS type tumors? So, it seems like this won't be solved until Merck finds a solution to their problem before their patent expires. Patent expiration is the end all to all of this and they have 4 more years of trying to find something that will extend it. Something that allows it to be used on all MSS tumors, not just mCRC or mTNBC, but 85% of all cancers.
Given that Keytruda is the Darling of the Oncology World and given leronlimab is the only drug that can treat 85% of the oncologic tumors out there while Keytruda can only help less than 15%, doesn't it make sense for them to come together in combination therapy to treat the entirety of cancers across the board? In this way, so many of the world's problems could be wiped out in one solid partnership. Isn't the name of the game to have a therapeutic solution to the entirety of this disease? And who can't work with Lalezari? That is no excuse.

Intro

This thread is a discussion series at the tail end of the week for each newly introduced Spotlight card. This gives us nearly a week of hindsight to build a consensus and help inform players if they should open their caches for a given week. Ideally, we are looking for proven results (which can understandably be difficult to achieve in a week) more than theoretical applications to help reach this consensus, so players know what becomes less accessible to them after the Spotlight rotation.
​

This week's card: Sage

Energy: 3
Power: 0
On Reveal: +2 Power for each different Power among all other cards here.

​

Background, High-level Strategy, and Use Cases

I have good news and bad news about Sage: the bad news it that her only ability is to provide Power; the good news is that Power wins games of Marvel SNAP.
Sage joins a class of cards at 3-cost that scale to high ceilings with some support, including Bishop, Wolfsbane, and Hit-Monkey. Unlike her peers, Sage reaches great heights without much effort. She has a "natural" ceiling of a whopping 14 Power when you and your opponent's lanes are filled up just right, which is head and shoulders above the other cards in this category.
I'll walk through each example to illustrate the point. Bishop needs to come down on turn 3 and needs 2 cards played to match each 1 card needed to boost Sage, whereas Sage can scale off your turn 1 and 2 plays, and gets better drawn later while Bishop gets worse. Wolfsbane doesn't see competitive play, and only outshines Sage in a scenario where you are filling lanes with a bunch of the same Power, like with Brood, but she doesn't scale at all with your opponent's presence; the unfortunate reality is that Sage is very much the same card, just reborn at a series-5 power level. Lastly Hit-Monkey still holds a meaningful competition with Sage, and as the decklists below will illustrate, the two are often played together. We can somewhat demonstrate that Hit-Monkey has a "ceiling" of 10 Power when no discounts are involved; this is a turn 6 with Mysterio and a 1-cost for support. We can see that Sage compares very favorably to the other scaling 3-costs that act as win conditions in these decks packed with low-cost cards (i.e. Beast and/or Kitty decks).
To re-iterate a concept I briefly mentioned in Valentina's release, the above comparisons can be thought of like a "value over replacement player" statistic. From Wikipedia:

In baseball, value over replacement player (or VORP) is a statistic popularized by Keith Woolner that demonstrates how much a hitter or pitcher contributes to their team in comparison to a replacement-level player who is an average fielder at that position and a below average hitter.

Considering Sage does not bring a unique effect, even if she is the best-in-class for this effect, you must determine how much it's worth to you (in Spotlight keys) to have that extra margin of premium stats over a replacement-level card like Bishop. Depending on the deck -- especially if it's a strategy other than Bounce -- Sage is quite replaceable by a card like Gladiator, who also boasts premium stats with a different set of strengths and weaknesses.
Speaking of weaknesses, you may have dismissed Sage altogether due to this season's villain: Leech. He's a real problem for a card you want to hold in your hand for a late-game On Reveal effect. While I don't have a crystal ball, Leech has been changed three times since April 2023 (from 5/3 On Reveal: Remove all abilities, to a 5/3 with trigger on turn 6, to a 5/3 On Reveal: Remove On Reveals, to the current 4/2 On Reveal: Remove On Reveals) and I would expect him to continue to get changed to where he's less of a metagame-defining card. If/when Leech is no longer a problem for Sage, her value goes way up as a card that can turn around a lane on turn 6.
Another important dimension helping to future-proof this card is her synergy with Ravonna "the new Zabu" Renslayer. Ravonna has seen play in a wide variety of archetypes, including Mr. Negative, Tribunal, Patior, Junk, and those oddball Havok decks. There's even a Ravonna Surfer list below, where Sage is the perfect intersection of two deckbuilding requirements. Playing out this card at a discount further pushes her as an elite rate of stats.
And lastly, on the note of stats, sometimes that's all you need for a card to be great. Since starting this series, the cards I've covered that are "just stats" include Red Hulk, Mockingbird, and Cull Obsidian, which have all had noteworthy competitive performances. Sage might be the next addition to this powerful roster, but I'll leave that question to the discussion below: Is the juice worth the squeeze?
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Sample Decklists

1. Bounce
2. Falcon-Focused Bounce
3. All-in Junk
4. Nova Surfer
5. Ravonna X/Ball Ravonna Surfer Daredevil Junk
6. Goose Surfer
7. Jane Negative
8. Jane Hammers
9. Ultron
10. Mill
11. Wong+Odin Combo
12. High Evo

These decklists come from a variety of sources but generally the top 1k of ladder; some are more proven than others.
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What's your verdict?

Is Sage worth the key(s) now, or should players wait until a future Spotlight rotation?
Is Sage a sleeper hit waiting to be rid of the metagame menace?

Counter-proposal: All tranners move to Malta and take over the country.
The nation of Malta boasts a tiny population (half a million total), a pleasant climate, and some of the most liberal attitudes towards tranners there are. I propose that with enough tranners, money and political will we could dominate the country and turn it towards our ends.
The plan would be as follows:

• Step 1: Establish a presence in Malta

This will involve moving a core of politically-motivated tranners to the island as an advance party, to lay the groundwork for our eventual state - a sort of 'Trans National Society'. This would involve raising funds from the global trans community to purchase properties in Malta for tranners to live in, to invest in a Trans Sovereign Wealth Fund to ensure we can afford our plans, build a reliabile system of HRT supply, and build influence among the Maltese political class. The first two policies this society should push for are state-sponsored HRT and an accelerated path to citizenship for trans people fleeing persecution.
(this first wave should be wealthy, western trans people - ideally from professional backgrounds and at least a little easy on the eyes. The first wave need to be seen as ideal migrants aside from their trans status, so the Maltese state is incentivised to cater to us in future)

• Step 2: Import Global Trandom

Once a functioning and well-funded political machine is established, we must begin the mass importation of trans people from around the world to Malta. This will be done in three ways; firstly, by using our funds to directly sponsor the immigration of trans people who cannot afford the trip themselves, ideally influencing the Maltese state to support these efforts. Secondly, by funding Maltese politicians amenable to our plans and ensuring the sitting government is as pro-trans as humanly possible, ideally to the point of offering an accelerated path to citizenship for trans people fleeing persecutiom. Thirdly, by covertly sponsoring transphobic governments in otherwise tolerant countries. This third point may seem immoral, but it is crucial to ensuring Malta becomes not just a trans haven, but the trans haven. We must encourage all trans people, even those in comfortable circumstances, to join our project.
Once arrived, new trans migrants who cannot afford it should be provided subsidised housing, HRT (if it is not already free), and an allowance for their living costs by the Trans National Society. They must also be pushed to take Maltese citizenship and aided in doing so - in fact, this should be a prerequisite of any material support. This is essential to embed ourselves as a core part of Maltese society, not merely as tolerated outsiders.

• Step 3: Making a Trans Society

Once the Trans National Society is reliably facilitating the mass-movement of tranners to Malta, the next step is building a unified trans culture and society.
The trans people imported to Malta will be from all over the world. There will be hons and passoids, poonchads and enbycopers, unified not by language, culture or creed - only by transness.
Mercifully, Malta does keep English as an official language. This will help initial integration efforts, but we should not continue to speak English for long. Instead, trans migrants to Malta must be encouraged to learn and speak Maltese.
This is for two reasons. Firstly, it will build a sense of unity among us which is inherent to the land of Malta. We want to become so associated with the island that trans teens in transphobic countries can apply for a course in Maltese at their high school and upon completion be shipped here with us. Making Maltese the official language of global trandom will bind us to the land forever. Secondly, it will go some ways to ingratiating us with the local Maltese, who will naturally chafe at our mass arrival even if we are controlling their political and media landscape.
We want to create a system where the Maltese nation is seen by the world as the rightful home of transgender people. Where being trans and being Maltese are synonymous, and where any trans person anywhere in the world will be seen as inherently connected to Malta. Where a Maltese accent is simply known as a 'Trans accent'.
Thus integrated, trans citizens of Malta should be encouraged to participate actively in civil society. To join political parties, to run businesses, to join the military and to be active participants in the life of the island. We must not allow ourselves - ever - to be seen or to see ourselves as foreigners. We should behave as natives who simply happened to be born somewhere else.

• Step 4: Trans Secessionism (Optional)

If the previous steps are successful, we will dominate Maltese society so utterly that there will be no need for this. However, it could be possible that we are not wholly successful or that backlash ensues. For this reason, the possibility of trans secession should never be discounted.
Once embedded in Malta, specific emphasis should be given to settling tranners on the island of Gozo - Malta's second largest island. With a population of 40'000, our goal should be to outnumber the locals significantly as soon as possible. Settlement should also focus on developing medical infrastructure to ensure the mass settlement does not delay anyone's transition.
In the event that our position in Malta is threatened, the Trans National Society should begin campaigning for Gozan secession. Using every inch of political and economic leverage we have, a referendum must be forced in which we - as the island's new majority - would inevitably win. Trans people remaining in Malta proper should be moved to Gozo, and the island turned into an explicitly trans state.
A sovereign trans nation would be the ultimate guarantee of trans rights in the world, but would also be a much lesser prize than simply usurping the existing Maltese state. This option should be avoided if there is any alternative.

Education: Bachelors in Computer Science, . Currently located in Hyderabad and working In a reputed IT company as senior software developer
I am 28M, looking preferably for a partner with whom i can vibe and preferably share my life with.I am childfree by nature, my hobbies are traveling, weekending in pubs, meeting new freinds and join sports club.i can be good emotional support as a I'm a psychologist by passion too.
Although I am a boring IT employee, im not boring by nature as I am really into the books, and music. I am a vivid reader and I am a huge fanatic person spend my time in theatres as soon as there is new release. Big fan of RGV sir and his works, i listen to Puri Jagannadh podcasts. And a diehard Prabhas fan. I love enjoying nature , natural stuffs and so I love traveling and would love to travel together with my partner. I prefer holding beers in our hands while we sit in a peaceful cool breeze nature while we hear wave sounds and looking at the full moon and hearing to the soft music playing at the background.
I'm an introvert person, but psychology has taught me what to talk and how to enjoy talking. I'm a more of a good listener and can suggest accordingly. I love dogs and will soon adopt one.Im an occasional drinker and I smoke when I booze heavily (not addicted tho) can stop when someone wants me to. I believe love just happens, so I prefer viking with and get close ,after knowing characters and all would love to move forward. I'm a bit of go with the flow candidate. Vibes matter most. I'm a Demisexual.
We can know eachother and hangout, freindship, or not being serious too.. we can still vibe and can be freinds. Kindly dm me. If you feel me!
Thank you in advance ☺️

F/31 My husband applied for paid family leave in California middle of March. We’ve sent in all the appropriate documents and filled everything out to the best of our ability and we haven’t had any movement on it since then. When we login online, it says that no file claim has been submitted, and we don’t know what to do because we’ve been calling the state of California for weeks. We’re behind on our bills, or at risk of losing our car at this point because we haven’t been able to pay it for two months. We don’t know what to do at this point and we feel like this is criminal. Do we have any legal grounding to send a letter or even file some kind of lawsuit or is that just silly? Does anyone have any experience in this area ? I’m so desperate I don’t know what else to do.

So for background, my partner had to go back to his home country for citizenship reasons & we decided I'd go too. We've been married a year now. He went two months before me, to set everything up. I'd just finished school for the year and didn't want to waste a semester's fees on two months, so I was looking for a job during that time. Couldn't find one due to the time constraints, so was doing odd jobs and taking short courses. Basically, I had almost no money and didn't want to touch my savings until I'd moved. I'd been saving for the move for a year already and had never lived alone before, so wanted to be safe.
My partner found out about a concert for a band we both liked happening where he was, scheduled for after I'd moved. Problem was: concert tickets are expensive and I was already living off instant ramen. Couldn't afford a ticket without being incredibly irresponsible about it.
However, because it was close to my partner's birthday, his mother bought him a ticket as a present. By the time I'd moved to the new country and sorted out my expenses, the tickets were all sold out. I could've been able to afford one if they were still selling by then, but no chance.
I've also befriended my partner's group of childhood friends who are also all going to this concert, and it was a bit awkward when they found out I couldn't go. I did talk to my partner about how I was disappointed, but I didn't say too much because I didn't want him to feel bad. Literally everyone I know in this country is going to this thing, while I stay home because I had no money a few months ago.
Selfishly, I wish he'd sell his ticket and not go. I know that the concert was free for him & we don't lose anything by him going, but I feel irrationally betrayed by it. I put my studies on hold and moved because he had to, and while I'm okay with doing that, I'm frustrated that I feel like I'm stuck missing out on things because he has a support network here and I don't.
Right now, I feel like I don't want him to even acknowledge the concert around me. I keep thinking that he should have tried to pay for me to get a ticket, go halves on the cost or something. He didn't want to do that when I originally brought it up, which felt fair-ish because he was also broke then. It was just bad timing and he got lucky.
There'll be other stuff we can do together in the future, but there's also going to be opportunities he gets that I miss out on. I don't want to feel like a jealous jerk whenever that happens. But, I don't know how to approach the topic without my partner getting defensive and I'm worried this is going to build resentment in future if I don't talk to him about it.
TL;DR, my partner got an opportunity I wanted and I'm upset about it because it feels unfair, but don't want to hurt his feelings or ruin his own happiness over it. How do I navigate dealing with my partner having better opportunities than me without getting bitter?

I going to make this as brief and to the point as I can. I paid for a Nexus letter and DBQ linking my Migraines as secondary to PTSD. My PTSD got in the way. I could not deal with the application and contracted with a Law firm and sent the letter and DBQ to the Law firm with all the usual information. The law firm has not been transparent so other than that they filed an HLR I do not know what is going on. I have requested my full case file. I received a letter from the VA stating that there was disagreement about Migraine as secondary to PTSD and I had a C&P review. VES Dr called, and the total call length was 7 minutes and 26 seconds. During which time she asked a few questions and cut me off If I tried to explain. Didn't ask for and did not check all of the symptoms. Her report denied a connection and cited “researches”, no specifics, in support of her decision. The nexus letter and DBQ I supplied cites facts and symptoms from my records, treatments received, time frames for migraines, and specific studies are named and referenced to support the link between migraines and PTSD in my case. Since the law firm is involved can I upload the positive information to ensure it is in my records? If so, how can I do it?
Thanks

So I dropped out of high school my parents threw me out when i was young long story. I was on my own and a job pays and school didn't. Fast forward I'm 36 in good shape and have a very solid work history I have been in my current position for the better part of a decade and am a supervisor there. Usps is hiring for a position down the road that I would love to take it's much better pay than I'm making now. Issue is I'm worried about lieing on the app about graduating since it's a government job. I don't want them to like come after or prosecute somehow. I have a no criminal background. What do you guys think? I'm capped out at the job I'm at and just want to feel like I'm moving up instead of stagnating I have no insurance dental or 401 or anything where im at now so the benefits look great cuz I haven't seen a doctor since I lived at my parents.. any helpful advice would be much appreciated